#sincerely wonder if anyone out there 100% understood everything that was going on in the chainsaw man manga tbh

[13eyond13]

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#sincerely wonder if anyone out there 100% understood everything that was going on in the chainsaw man manga tbh #so much of the time i felt i was reading it with about 20% reading comprehension levels #fueled almost solely by my adoration of power and denji's bromantic bond #am i stupid or was it actually confusing #anywayz maybe one day ill watch the entire anime and maybe it will clear some of it up #i literally was the clueless dad in the doorway going 'are ya winning son?' to power and denji almost 100% of the time tho #not really comprehending but just hoping they're having a good time #(i still have 3 volumes left to read btw) #csm #p

[aurora077]

The word is 'attempt' (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3 - Jiang Fengmian’s epiphany

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13962595/3/The-word-is-attempt

Jiang Fengmian realised he had some apologising to do, to everyone in his family, but especially to his wife and son. He started with the latest misunderstanding. “A-Cheng, even though I don’t understand you all that well, I never meant for you to think that I don’t care for you. You are the sect heir, I brought up the motto because no matter how well A-Ying understands, I needed you to understand. I correct you because you are mine, don’t you know? Whatever fights your mother and I have, how could I forget who my son is?” He stroked Jiang Cheng’s head tenderly.

He had a lot to make up for. Because though he had never forgotten, he’d always seen him more as his mother’s son… he’d always wished his son was different… always tried to change him.

He’d also disapproved of his wife constantly pitting A-Cheng against A-Ying because he thought that his son just couldn’t compare so what was the use of trying to make him be better than a natural genius? He’d been so caught up in what his wife was doing wrong that he hadn’t realised that he was doing the same thing. He was always subconsciously comparing the two and finding his son lacking. Was it any wonder his wife kept making A-Cheng try to be better than A-Ying when it was he himself who set the standard that to get his approval A-Cheng would need to be more like A-Ying?

It was all his fault. If he hadn’t made his wife and son think that he would replace A-Cheng with one more suited to be a Jiang then would there even be so much conflict? He’d thought it was obvious that Jiang Cheng was the indisputable heir whatever his feelings about him, and that his wife was being ridiculous. But his distaste for his wife had bled onto their son and left both of them feeling like they didn’t belong. Like they were replaceable.

He owed A-Ying an apology as well because he knew his wife took out her frustrations about the situation on the boy and it was mostly his fault (not 100% because A-Ying really was quite naughty. His head disciple often lead the younger ones into trouble as well. But he had let the boy be because his carefree nature was hereditary and also very much like the rogue cultivators who founded their sect. He was very fond of A-Ying. But also he was inclined to let the kids be kids while they, the adults, were still there to bear the brunt of the responsibilities.) Regardless, he had to make amends to his family.

“I’ve been remiss in my duties as a father. What A-Ying did, I praised him for. Not just because he did something impressive, but because he tried his best and succeeded even when it seemed to be an impossible situation and it would have been easy to have given up. I praised him because he embodied our motto, and he deserves to receive recognition for what he did.

Even though he tried to give all the credit to Second Young Master Lan and that infernal Wen Chao is claiming it was him instead, at home at least we can show him that we acknowledge his deed,” he glanced for a moment at Wei Wuxian to show his sincerity (noting that his hand was still intertwined with Jiang Cheng’s). He turned his focus back on his son and admitted what should have been said from the beginning. “But, my son, I’m sorry that I overlooked your efforts. If A-Ying deserves to receive recognition then so do you, and I’m sorry that I did not give you due credit.”

Because his son had made a 10 day trip in 7 days, with no sword, no food and no rest. His son had shown up looking like half a ghost himself, and had immediately gone with them to save A-Ying because if he hadn’t they might have discovered the boys too late. They couldn’t have found them in time without Jiang Cheng. And from what had been said, it was Jiang Cheng who had helped the rest to swim out of the cave. Jiang Cheng had worked together with Wei Wuxian. While one distracted the beast the other helped evacuate all of the other heirs by swimming in the same pool of water as the beast and going down several times to lead each batch of heirs to the hole to escape.

If that incompetent Lan disciple hadn’t shot his ward then Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have been stuck in the cave in the first place. His son had had to make the difficult decision of leaving his shixiong behind to save the heirs that were left in the cave because the blood from A-Ying’s wound would have attracted the beast and went after them.

It couldn’t have been easy for his son to leave him behind and yet he knew he had to get back to Lotus Pier for reinforcements and so he travelled unceasingly until he could return with help. Exhausted and pale he hadn’t had one second of rest and he hadn’t complained at all, more focused on his shixiong’s safety than on his own state. And then when A-Ying had awoken and was joking about being bored while he was trapped in a dangerous situation, Jiang Cheng snapped at him with insensitive words and berated him for playing the hero.

But hadn’t his son done everything he could to make sure A-Ying would be saved? He’d scolded him with harsh words but he’d also helped him to the best of his ability. (And wasn’t that something? Because… he’d always said his son was like his wife, and though his wife was always scolding Jiang Cheng, he’d had no doubts at all that she loved the boy... just that her way of expressing it was harsh… so how is it that he didn’t recognise the same thing in his son? Neither his wife nor his son were straightforward with their feelings. It was increasingly obvious.

And while it wasn’t necessarily a good thing to be so harsh and he still didn’t really condone it, he was coming to realise that they didn’t exactly mean it either. That even though they said harsh things it didn’t mean that they didn’t care. He wished they would be more honest about what they felt but it seems like both his wife and son used anger as a shield. Showing that they cared would make them feel vulnerable.

And if it’s one thing he knew about his wife it’s that she prided herself on her reputation of strength. She wouldn’t want anyone to see her as being vulnerable. She passed on that trait to Jiang Cheng evidently.) After having to leave his injured shixiong behind, trapped in a cave with a terrifying monster and no proper weapons or sustenance for several days, his son must have been so worried and anxious.

To hear Wei Wuxian joking about being bored to death must have upset him and he lashed out with harsh words the way his mother tended to do. It wasn’t nice, but he understood now why his son looked defiant when he scolded him. Because once again he felt wronged and misunderstood by his father. Even A-Ying had said he was just angry and speaking without care. It wasn’t that he meant it, it was just that he let his anger show instead of his worry. And even though it’s a trait that he believed his son should work on, he no longer took the words at face value.

“While I am proud of A-Ying for his accomplishment and for saving Second Young Master Lan and that girl, you my boy, helped save everyone , including A-Ying.”

Who’d not sustained many injuries but who had been so feverish that in a few days time he may have been dead. Lan Wangji, for all his achievements, could not survive with an injury and no food or water for much longer either. He had been so pleased with A-Ying’s achievement that he had glossed over what his son had done because it just wasn’t as impressive as killing a legendary beast at seventeen. But while A-Ying did something heroic, his son took charge of the rest of the sects’ heirs and got them to cooperate and coordinated an escape. And to take over the sect in the future his son didn’t need to be a hero, but he did need to be a good leader.

“A-Ying might have acted in accordance with our motto, but you acted the way a leader should. You’re the future of Yunmeng Jiang. Your burden is far heavier than A-Ying’s. Of all people, I know how difficult it is to have to make a decision when my actions will have consequences for our people. It’s because you are my son, you could not act rashly. I scolded you because I thought you were being thoughtless. But you weren't, were you?” His son jolted slightly as if in surprise that his father would say that.

“A-Cheng, A-Ying is not my heir, you are. It gives him more freedom to act according to his conscience. You are restricted by your duty to our people and that is why you were so worried, isn’t it? You thought his actions would bring the ire of the Wens upon our sect. You wanted him to keep his head down and not draw any undue attention that could bring trouble for the sect, didn’t you? And you were angry and worried when he didn’t take heed and then landed up in a bad situation.”

Jiang Cheng nodded; his eyes were shaking. He had not expected his father to understand him. He never usually did. Jiang Cheng knew he was like his mother in temperament. That was enough for his father to not look deeper into anything he said other than to consider him too much like his mother. Jiang Fengmian never understood his son’s concerns, similar to how he didn’t understand his wife. His father did not abuse him or treat him poorly, but he did not usually show Jiang Cheng any care either.

For all of his mother’s shouting, he knew she loved him. His mother was always worrying about him and pushing him to be better. She always tried to get Father to see him. But Father had never seemed to care about anything he did one way or another unless it involved Wei Ying. His father’s indifference to him had hurt way more than his mother’s scoldings. But his sister had seen all of that and more and had stood up for him. Stood up for all of them. He couldn’t believe she was scolding their parents. He couldn’t believe that his father had actually taken her words into consideration and started thinking about them. His father’s next words also gave him a shock.

“You are smart enough to know what you said wrong but I did not consider your position and perspective and I apologise for misunderstanding you. I apologise for turning a blind eye to your efforts. I will try to be better for all of you. And I’m proud of you son. You did well. Yunmeng Jiang has a bright future in you.”

Jiang Cheng’s lower lip trembled and the tears that had been building began to fall. He was overwhelmed by the things he never thought he’d ever hear from his father.

“A-die’s sorry,” Jiang Fengmian said, holding his weeping son and feeling guilty that he’d caused it. When was the last time he’d held him? And a few kind words from him were enough to make his child sob. What kind of parent did that make him that his son heard so few words of praise that when he did, it made him cry? He really did feel ashamed of himself.

Jiang Fengmian hugged his son until the tears stopped and then he pat his face gently, wiping away the remaining wetness with his sleeve and stepping away. He glanced at Yanli who looked satisfied so it seemed she at least thought he was on the right track.

But he didn’t only have to apologise to his son. His ward deserved an apology as well. Jiang Fengmian sat on the bed, next to Wei Ying, whose eyes widened in surprise at now being the centre of attention. “A-Ying, Jiang-shushu is sorry. I should have cleared up these misunderstandings so much earlier. Please forgive this old man for letting your parents’ reputations be soiled by my inaction. You must often have wondered if I truly cared for them.”

“No! I didn’t think-- Really Jiang-shushu, it’s unnecessary. You don’t need to apologise to me. If it wasn’t for you--” Wei Ying started to say, startled and a bit unsettled at having the sect leader apologise to him, before he was stopped by a wave of Jiang Fengmian’s hand.

“But I do need to. I should apologise to your parents as well. They must be so angry with me for calling myself their friend while letting their precious child be caught in the middle of such sordid gossip. And it is just that, mere gossip. I’m sorry I didn’t consider how those rumours were affecting all of you. I brushed it off because I thought well it’s obviously not true. But for others it may not be so clear. I never meant for anyone to think you a bastard. I never meant for you to ever have reason to question your parentage or my motives for bringing you home. So I will clear up everything right now. As dear as you are to me my boy, you aren’t my son."

"Your mother and I were never involved in that way. We were friends, whatever other feelings I may have harbored. Your mother never once looked at me the way she did your father. Your parents loved each other very much. And they loved you just as well. I always tried my best to not let you feel their absence so much but of course it seems like that backfired. I’m sorry A-Ying. I thought if I spoke about them it would hurt you and make you feel their loss even more. But maybe I should have been speaking about them… should have been helping you keep them alive in your heart instead of trying to fill that void myself.

I know I can’t replace them but I had hoped you would be happy here, like your father was before he met your mother and fell in love. They were so happy when you were born. Your father sent a letter gushing about how cute his little A-Ying was. They were smitten with you from the moment they knew of your existence and I know they would be so proud of you.”

He felt a twinge of guilt in his heart, because he had been glad his wife had borne a son since he needed an heir, but the genuine joy his friends had felt at the birth of their son was lacking because their son was born from a happy, love-filled union, whereas his was made with duty in mind. The guilt grew as he realised that unfortunately, he’d ended up treating his son the same way. Like a duty.

The natural affection that should have been there between parent and child was lacking on his end. And his poor son had been trying to gain it ever since he was little and had always failed because Jiang Fengmian saw him as the second coming of his wife who he’d begrudgingly did his duty with and considered it over. Once again he resolved to do better by them. He’d not let his son feel his apathy anymore.

“I…” Wei Wuxian swallowed thickly after absorbing the words the Jiang Sect Leader spoke, “Thank you, Jiang-shushu. And I.. I am happy here. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“I’m relieved to hear that A-Ying.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes were red. It was the first time he’d been told that his parents would be proud of him. He didn’t know that it was something he wanted to hear until he heard it. Jiang Fengmian had never really spoken to him about his parents before. Everything he knew about them came from other people. He never truly believed in the rumours though, but it did make him uncomfortable because it was clear that Madame Yu put stock in them and it also made Jiang Cheng sad.

Jiang Cheng knew that if his father didn’t show his favour so clearly that people wouldn’t believe that Wei Wuxian was really his child. And what could Wei Wuxian say to that? It’s not like he was wrong. It was obvious to even him that Jiang-shushu preferred him though it was something that he tried not to think about because the guilt would eat him up if he did, even if it wasn’t really his fault.

But Wei Wuxian also didn’t realise that his shijie could tell that it made him feel bad to be in the middle of their family, his very existence causing them problems. He always tried not to burden anyone with his feelings. He was grateful to Jiang-shushu for taking him in and treating him better than a mere disciple. He was close with his shijie and Jiang Cheng, even if Madame Yu didn’t like them fooling around with him.

He had a good life in the Jiang sect. A much better life than one of his station really should have, sharing the room of the sect leader’s son and being allowed to study in Cloud Recesses etc. So he didn’t want to seem ungrateful by talking about his negative feelings. But it seemed that shijie could see right through him. She really was the best.

He locked eyes with her and Yanli was smiling so sweetly at him that his heart lifted. And all the while his hand was still in Jiang Cheng’s, both providing support for each other in the best way that they knew how. They were always better with actions than words anyway. For the first time in a long time, Wei Wuxian didn’t feel restlessness under his skin.

#The word is 'attempt' #jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #jiang yanli #jiang fengmian #madame yu #yu ziyuan #wei ying #wei wuxian #communication #family #dysfunctional family #canon divergence #fix it of sorts #aurora077 #the untamed fanfic #mdzs fanfiction #cql fanfic #cql #mdzs #the untamed #mdzs fix it #mdzs au #mdzs fic #cql au #the untamed fanfiction

[iturbide]

Crest Control Edelgard in Heroes

(CheeseAndCake here) You asked for Crest Control Edelgard in Askr, so here she is! My brain does not like being quiet, apparently. I want you to know that this is your responsibility now, Enjoy! (I also have no idea if this will work, so heres to hoping for the best.)  

Note: The things Edelgard says/thinks are things she thinks are true, that doesn’t mean she 100% perfectly understands her past self. 

 ______________________________________________________________

The former Emperor blinked as her surroundings disappeared and reshaped in a flash of light. What was- 

Just a second ago, she was entering Queen Ivanna’s office to deliver news, and now she was standing at an altar, with a hooded figure in front of her, and no idea what was going on. She was still wearing her black dress with pink highlights, with her armour over said dress, hair still done up in a bun, and still holding her dagger, so if this was an ambush, it was poorly planned. She was pretty sure the Texts guarded by the church never mentioned this, and-

“Greetings, hero, welcome to the world of Ask.” The figure began, nodding their hood, “I am Kiran, the summoner who called you forth. This world is under attack, and in desperate need of aid, will you fight with us?”

“I am no hero,” She responded,  knowing that anyone that referred to her as hero must not know about her earlier life, before she fought Those Who Slither, or have a gross misunderstanding of what heroes are, “But if you need my aid, I shall give it. I am Edelgard.” 

That didn’t mean she trusted them, but if they were being honest, she would give her aid.

Kiran nodded, “Very well, welcome to the Order of Heroes. Here, different people are summoned across space and time, so you may run into people you know, or… other versions of yourself.”

 That was… the last thing she needed, but she nodded anyway, and Kiran led her to what would be her chambers. This was a war. She knew war.  

She nearly tried to sit Kiran’s throat when she thought heard a nearby child scream, but after a moment she realised the child- who she could see had green hair and wings now that she was closer- was laughing, as an older woman who looked similar to her smiled in response.

“You recruit children to your order?” She asked. She didn’t how dragon children aged, truely- there weren’t any dragon’s left when she escaped, after what she did- but she knew only children laughed like that. She made a mental note to talk to them later and ask about their beliefs and traditions, since there weren’t any dragons in Ivanna’s army, and it would be important to know.  

Kiran sighed, “I cannot control who I summon, or from what time I do. Sometimes, they are children. I don’t let them fight, but they can stay if they want.” 

She didn’t ask why they would want to stay in a country at war. If she had the opportunity as a child, she would have grabbed it with both hands. 

“When it’s over, will they be sent back to where they were taken from?” If enough time passed…

“Yes, they’re sent back to the same place, without any time passing, but they keep their memories.” Ah, that’s… not the best, for the children in a bad position, but at the very least, no one will panic about her disappearance. 

It was only when she turned a corner and saw a version of herself, not wearing any black, but an Emperor’s red and a horned crown, that she realised how bad this would be. A nightmare. This was a nightmare. But she’s lived longer than most, and she knows how to push down the familiar feeling of dizziness, and focus on following the white cloaked figure up the stairs.

She makes it to the second floor before she empties the contents of her stomach. 

Kiran was yelling something, but she didn’t completely hear it. Something about a bad reaction to seeing counterparts? 

Before she knew it, someone was leaning over her speaking in a deep voice.. It was only after a few breaths that she understood the words, and looked at the face of the person who came to comfort her, “-completely fine that you had a bad reaction, lots of worlds branch off, and- Edelgard?” 

“Dimitri?” For a moment, she wondered if the stress finally broke her before she dismissed it. If it did, Dimitri would look like he did on the Tailtean Plains. He wouldn’t be so calm, wearing royal armour, or missing an eye. 

“Which timeline are you from?” Kiran asked, voice breaking through her thought process and they helped her sit away from her vomit.

 “‘Timeline?’” 

“Ah, right. Each hero comes from their own individual world. In some worlds, different people won the war of Fodlan.” Kiran explained with a shrug, as apparently this was a common occurrence. 

She turned to Dimitri, “I’m assuming that in your world, you won the war?” He nodded, wincing.

“Then I guess congratulations are in order.” Edelgard continued, giving a short bow before a thought struck her. “Tell me, what was the fate of- Professor Byleth in your world?”

“They became Archbishop of the church of Serios.” Dimitri responded, starting to look concerned, but she didn’t care. That Byleth didn’t follow her, and Those Who Slither would have destroyed the church if they had a pawn in such a high position, which meant…

There was a world where Byleth lived their own life. Free.

She pushed aside any bitterness that it wasn’t her world that had that Byleth. She played her own part in what happened, and now all she could do was move forward. 

“Did I join you, or die?” Now Dimitri was openly staring at her, and she quickly schooled her expression into something more neutral. 

Dimitri glanced down, and in that moment, he looked exhausted. “You… died, El.”

She winced at the old name, “Please don’t call me that.” Her death really wasn’t a surprise. She knew how stubborn she was in the past, and how stubborn she can still be.

“I would apologise for all the heartache I put you through,” she began, standing up straight, “but we both know an apology won’t fix anything. I can only try to make it right with my actions.”

“It won’t fix anything,” Dimitri agreed, his single eye almost looking into her soul, “It’s start, though.” 

“…I’m… sorry, for everything.” The words felt like lead in her mouth, but once they’re out, she didn’t feel any lighter.  

“Thank you.” He sounded sincere, and that just make it worse. 

“Don’t thank me. Not for this.” 

————————————

It’s later, when she was directed towards a woman named Kagero after a few questions, that she thought about what she was about to do. 

She knew herself well enough to understand she only had one chance at it, and if she ruins it, would take much more time and effort to reach the same goal.

Her past self did have a very narrow mind view, so presentation would be half the battle. 

She looked at the small drink offered with a bone deep wariness, and asked “Is the drink alcoholic?”

“Yes,” The ninja- who was currently dressed as a maid- nodded as she cleaned one of the glasses, “I can get a different one if you want.”

“No, thank you, I’m going to need this.” She drank the entire thing in a few gulps, willing for the contents of the glass to give her confidence and numb any pain that would come. 

“Don’t let me have any more,” Edelgard said as she passed the glass back to the server. “I’m going to need a clear head for this.”

“Working together with an enemy for your world?” The ninja asked, as if it was something that happened every week.

“Something like that.”

—————————————

“In my world, Those Who Slither won.” That was all she needed to say to quiet her student self enough to listen. Despite all the time that passed, and everything that happened, Edelgard still knew how to stand and speak like a ruler, and she used every lesson she learned into what she had planned to say here.

“They won, because my war created instability instead of destroying it. Afterwards, they took me back to that godforsaken dungeon and continued their experiments. You know, when we were younger, they needed to keep us alive.” She didn’t bother trying to hide her bitter smile, “They didn’t need to keep us alive this time, so they didn’t restrain themselves.”

It wasn’t a kind thing to say, but Edelgard wasn’t kind. Kindness didn’t win battles, but violence didn’t win hearts. 

“Do you know, why, in the end, they failed?” She continued before her student self could interject, ignoring any memories or emotions that surfaced, “Because Dimitri’s cousin and Claude came back to Fodlan- after years of hiding- to help the people. If we killed them that night in the forest, I never would have escaped. I would have died just another nameless experiment.”  

 The ‘like our siblings’ goes unsaid, and Edelgard wondered if her younger self even heard it.

“You still think it’s a fairy-tale where the fight will be the hardest part, but war… War will be the easiest thing you’ll ever do. The most natural thing you’ll ever do. We grew up on the stories of freedom through violence, of Nemesis and Serios. We have enough resources to sit upon a throne without thinking about who died for it. We’ve been exposed to bloodshed since we were a child, so killing will be easy. Being remembered will be easy.” 

Because at the end of the day, that was all her past self was: a child who wanted to be strong and free like Nemesis. The church was the most visible cage, so it was the first one she tried to destroy.

Edelgard looked her past self in the eye, making sure that if nothing, she heard these words. “Building something after you destroy everything will be impossible for you, because you don’t even know what will come after. You haven’t even thought of it.” 

It didn’t take a mind reader to know she’s shaken the girl, but it only took a moment for her past self to deny it.

“You’ve clearly been corrupted by them, if you believe that humanity won’t be able to build themselves up once the church is gone!” Her past self had a fierce look in her eyes, and she knew at this moment the conversation wouldn’t get anywhere.

“Maybe I have,” Edelgard agreed easily, because she never did find out what it was like to have her free will taken from her. Maybe it felt like you were in control, maybe you were aware the entire time, unable to call for help, maybe it felt like you were half asleep.

She hoped that it was the last option, because if it wasn’t she didn’t know what she would do, but she knew better than to hope.

“But I’ll ask you this:” She continued, because her past self might not bother looking for anything that will change her view, but Edelgard knew her past self’s fears and hopes, and she knows just how stubborn she can be. “Do you honestly think that every act in history was created or twisted by dragons? You claim that humanity is strong, but then claim that they have no agency.

“I’m not foolish enough to try and convince you otherwise.” Edelgard turned to leave, “Nothing but your own consequences will do that. I’m just telling you to prepare for the worst.”

She took a few steps down the hallway before stopping. “Of course, if you want to learn how to limit casualties in the upcoming war, come to me. It’s a useful thing to know.”

Because she can’t force anyone to do anything. She doesn’t have the right, but if her past self is curious enough to listen, she will tell the truth, without hesitation.

Fodlan had already paid enough for her ignorance.

 ______________________________________________

I’m not gonna lie I’ve read through this at least three times now in my inbox and I just love all of it???  Holding strong even after seeing another version of herself until she’s safely away and then completely losing it?  Coming face to face with Dimitri, saying she won’t apologize for the heartache she caused because it doesn’t fix anything, but when Dimitri says that it’s a shart she does it (and it doesn’t feel any better but she did it and I’m proud of her)?  Steamrolling her way through the start of her conversation with her younger self because she knows that it’s the only way to get a word in edgewise?  It’s all fantastic and I love it and I want to see more of it

Also I felt compelled to try sketching out a conceptual CC!Edelgard take this as either thanks for sending this or a bribe for more or both your choice

#submission #cheeseandcake #fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem: heroes #fanfiction #crest control #i love this so much #i want to see more of cc!edelgard in heroes #hanging with claude and arvis and lyon #and talking to the dragons #there are so many interesting possibilities

[aponderingcharming]

Just a post-Age of Ultron Steve and Nat scene...just got the feels for some reason and had to get something out! Enjoy :) Steve had been watching her for hours now.  Outside of training the team and getting them up to speed on how things worked around here, she hadn’t said a word – and Nat liked to comment. Bruce disappearing weighed heavily on her every movement, her limbs that little clunkier than usual, the snap of her skills a little soft, and he noticed how the light that once danced in her eyes began to dim. As the day dragged on, Steve could almost literally see her walls coming back up and entrapping her in her own fortress of protection once again.

He wanted to help.

Natasha had been a friend to him. Someone that he trusted. Someone that he cared for.

So when he found her up late, looking out over the star-filled yet empty training grounds, he made a decision.

“Couldn’t sleep either, huh?” he posed quietly, sidling up alongside her, resting his arms on the metal rail.

The woman glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, a small, sad smile forming on her lips.

“Never been good at sleeping, actually. Always on alert. One of the downfalls of being in the spy business.”

They stayed in silence for a few moments, comfortable in each other’s presence. Steve noted that it always felt like that when he was with her; familiar, normal. Safe, he even mused internally.

It was a beautiful night. There was a stillness about the way the stars just hung there in their place, keeping watch over everything below, keeping watch over them.

Finally, “I’m sorry about Bruce.”

Her shoulders stiffened.

“Yeah, well…” she took a short pause to look down, “I don’t even know…” she cut off, swallowing hard.

“You deserve to be happy, Natasha,” Steve interjected for her, wanting her to know that he understood. “It’s not wrong to want things. It’s the most natural thing in the world.”

She let that settle between them and he took that as a good sign. He wasn’t sure how many times, if ever, someone had said that to her. But it was true, and she should know that.

“So do you,” she whispered eventually, this time making sure to look at him. Sincerity coloured her words and he inhaled deeply, allowing himself to soak in her words, too, letting them flow into the parts of him that needed to hear that.

“You know, ever since I was a kid-”

“You mean like 100 years ago?” she jested, a tad brighter.

He smirked and rolled his eyes. “Yeah like 100 years ago,” he joked back fondly. “But all I ever wanted to do was to be a soldier. End injustice, bring peace, help make the world a safer, better place for everyone. But I always saw an end to it, you know? We’d win the war, I’d come home, get married, have a family, grow old. I mean, I knew there was always a chance that I might not make it out alive, but deep in the back of my mind was this longing to have a life after the war. I’d do my part and then I’d settle down.”

“With Peggy?” Natasha asked in a quiet voice. She was looking at him intently now, eyes only on his.

Steve nodded. “Yeah, if she would have me,” he tagged on with a short laugh.

“How could she not? You’re like the perfect gentleman, Steve. The solider with a heart of gold.”

“Ah, I don’t know about that.”

“I do. I’ve known that since our first mission together. Trust me; she would have been all yours.”

He couldn’t help but smile but sadness weighted his heart. That future with Peggy was all gone now, and as much as he saw a life after war before, now it felt like war was an inevitable part of him, and that whole other part of his life didn’t exist anymore. This was his life now.

But maybe he was okay with that. Making the world a better, safer place was why he was made after all. Maybe this was his greater plan.

“Yeah, well...turns out I missed the boat on that one. She was happy though,” he said, breaking his gaze to watch the night sky again. “Lived a good life.”

Slowly, Natasha’s hand reached over to cup his upper arm, just briefly. “I’m sorry, Steve. Sometimes it’s easy to forget what you’ve lost because we get so wrapped up in everything else that’s going on.”

“Thank you,” he replied. “But we’ve all lost things. Everyone here, each Avenger, has a reason to do what they’re doing and it all stems from some experience, some loss, or longing. I suppose it helps us focus, it spurs us on. I know not everyone is vocal about it though,” his words became softer now, “and Nat I want you to know that you can trust me, okay? When we’re out in the field, there’s no one I trust more than you, and no one I would rather have fighting alongside me than you, so if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

For maybe the second time in all the time he had known her, he could see tears shining in her eyes and she moved just that little bit away from him as if to protect herself again.

“Peggy was in my vision,” he offered, opening up more, willing her to know that she could trust him. “We were at a celebration, the war was over and we had won. She told me that we could go home. We danced, and then everyone was gone and I was left alone.” Pausing, he set his jaw and closed his eyes just for a breath of a second. “The vision showed me what life I could have had and then showed me that that life wasn’t attainable anymore. That everyone was gone and I was still left fighting a war.”

The air grew heavy between them, the truth and honesty huddling around them. It was as if they were somewhere else entirely, in a whole other realm where it was just the two of them. He waited, sensing the emotional wrestle within her body, knowing that she was struggling. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything; maybe it was wrong to add another level to their relationship, but she had lost something today and he had learned of a part of her he didn’t know existed – the part of her that ached for a sense of home. And, boy, could he relate to that.

“I was back in Russia in my vision. At my final graduation,” she finally ground out, her voice thick. “And just being there it…it made me remember the kind of person I was. I spent years trying to run away from it all and live differently – better - and all of sudden, with a flick of a wrist, I’m brought back to that place, and all I can think about is how….how I’m a monster. That I’m a machine built for one purpose and one purpose only: to kill. And that’s all I’m good for.”

“You’re not a monster, Nat. So far from it.”

The words shot out of him before he even knew they were forming on his lips.

“Yeah, well you don’t know everything I’ve done, Rogers.”

“I don’t need to know.”

She snorted and then sniffed, tears escaping.

“No seriously,” Steve continued, this time leaning down so that she could see his face. “Natasha I’m not going to pretend that I know everything about you or your past or what you’ve done, but I do know you. I know who you are now. Are you highly skilled and a formidable opponent to anyone who gets in your path? Yeah, absolutely. You’re one of the best, if not the best fighter I’ve seen. There’s a reason you’re on this team. You don’t need super serum running through your veins to make you someone.” That drew a smile from her and his heart warmed knowing that he put it there. “But I also know that you’ve dedicated to your life to fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves. You joined SHIELD because you wanted to make an actual difference and to put a stop to those who do the things that were done to you. That doesn’t sound like a monster to me. Almost sounds like a hero, don’t you think?”

Another beat of silence.

Another sniff.

And then, “No wonder they call you Captain America,” she mused, voice still a little deeper than usual. “That was some speech.”

“Glad you liked it. But I meant it. Every word.”

The woman straightened now and turned her frame so that they were face-to-face. A gradual and tentative hand came up to rest on the side of his face, and Steve noted how he leaned just that little bit more into the touch. “Thank you, Steve. For everything. I don’t say it a lot and I don’t express it very well but-”

“Anytime,” he interjected.

Natasha moved to kiss his other cheek, her lips warm and soft. It was quick but it was tender. “Same goes for you, too.”

When she broke away, he tried to ignore the pang of disappointment. It was as though a spell had been broken and part of him wanted to reach out and pull her in for a hug, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment.

“Well, I guess I better try to get some sleep,” she announced, her body that bit looser now and the grin that formed on her mouth was definitely more like the Nat he knew. “Goodnight Steve.”

He smiled in response. “Goodnight.”

“Oh and don’t tell anyone about this, okay?” she said playfully with a wink as she was leaving.

Steve shoved his hands into his pockets and fixed his smile on the ground, nodding in agreement. “About what?” he teased back, pulling a laugh from her.

He stayed there for a few minutes longer, feeling the lightest he had felt since the mission had ended.

He hoped she felt the same way.

#steve rogers #natasha romanoff #captain america #black widow #romanogers #stevenat #capwidow #steve x natasha #avengers #marvel #age of ultron

[offrankies]

Breakfast at Graham's || Marley, Graham & Frankie

Timing: Sometime last week. Parties: @detectivedreameater, @grahamstoker & @offrankies Summary:  Meeting your roommate’s fuck buddy is an awkward experience. Especially when there’s screaming cicadas all over the apartment.

It was days like these when Frankie thanked God hadn’t given her supernatural senses, especially enhanced hearing, as Graham seemed to get more action than she had expected when she had first moved in. Like, fine, despite playing for the other team, Frankie could admit that the guy was handsome, but she had assumed that vampires couldn’t get laid for… their lack of blood and what it biologically implied. Maybe Edward getting Bella pregnant wasn’t too insane, after all. Still, nothing had prepared her to be sitting in the kitchen, cereal and milk on the bowl in front of her as she scrolled through instagram, when the faint but constant bug screams she had heard all night suddenly became louder when Graham’s door opened, a muffled groan leaving her lips. She wasn’t going to start to judge her roommate’s kinks and what did it for him (or his partner, for that matter) to get off, or maybe she would in a very silent way with lots of stares; but he could do whatever he wanted in his room, away from the common areas. “Why am I getting punished like this.” She mumbled to herself before a woman appeared on her line of sight, Frankie’s eyes immediately squinting at the bright colors around here. It took her a moment to decipher them: a soft purple that swirled together with blue, tinges of black and red dancing around her, fast jerks pulling it as if something was trying to break loose from it, and her eyes widened in slight panic. She’d never seen an aura move that way. Quickly, she looked down to her bowl, pretending to be very, very interested in the Choco Puffs swimming in there, trying her hardest to ignore the damn bugs and the colors that were visible from the corner of her eye. 

Marley had been hitting up Graham more and more lately, and though she didn’t mind, she also didn’t want to stop and think about why. Staying the night usually wasn’t her style, but he was a vampire, and his endurance definitely outlast hers. So here she was, waking up in a foreign bed, in a foreign house, next to a cold body. Anita was always cold, too, but Marley remembered how soft and warm she’d been when they’d woken up in her room together. Forcing the thought from her mind, Marley sat up and grabbed her shirt and a pair of random shorts, throwing them on before heading out into the living room for coffee. At least she could grab a cup here before heading home to change for work. But when she got into the kitchen, there was a girl sitting at the table. Blase as ever, Marley moved past her quickly and over to the coffee maker. “You’re uh-- the roommate, right?” she asked, pulling the mug out and filling it with water. Aside from pushing numbers on a microwave, making coffee was the only thing Marley knew how to do in a kitchen.

Frankie was stuffing her mouth with cereal in her lame attempt to ignore the woman that looked like she was wearing Graham’s clothes. Don’t judge them, she kept repeating in her mind, but the bugs screaming kept making her eyes move from the bowl to the hallway, and then back to the bowl, and then back to the hallway. To say she choked on the cereal when the other walked past her, the bugs suddenly screaming on her brain, was an understatement. Milk ran down her chin and she started coughing. It was moments like this when she wondered why God had punished and not made her a normal person with no anxiety and definitely with no abilities to read auras. “Uh-- Roommate, yeah, I am.” Are you the girlfriend? She wanted to ask, considering how often Graham had tried to kick her out because she was coming over. Wiping her face with the back of her hand, she tried to continue eating, trying her hardest to ignore the weird ass sound. “I’m, uh, Frankie.”

The girl was...weird, to say the least. Choking on her cereal, averting her eyes-- it was clear she had some form of major anxiety, but that wasn’t Marley’s problem. She had no shame in her sex life, and she certainly didn’t believe in the fabled “walk of shame”. Sticking the pot back into the maker, she poured the grounds in and pushed the on button. “Well, nice to meet you, then, Roommate Frankie,” she said, leaning back against the counter. The girl was staring at her with wide eyes, even as she tried to finish her cereal and pretend she wasn’t staring. But Marley was an expert on human behavior, and she noticed everything. “You can call me Marley,” she finally said, tilting her head as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t worry, once my coffee is done, I’ll let you eat your cereal in peace.”

The kitchen floor was definitely not swallowing Frankie fast enough. Her cheeks quickly heated and turned a bright red, her whole body radiating embarrassment. “Just, uhm, just Frankie.” She had to admit how badass the other woman looked though, moving through the kitchen like she was the actual person living there and not herself; and in other circumstances, specifically in one that didn’t involve kinky bugs, Frankie would’ve found herself showing more interest in her. Her head nodded slightly, leaving her spoon fall on the empty bowl. “Nice to, uh, meet you.” Marley was awfully confident, and she wondered if she hadn’t realized how loud the sounds were, and that she could still hear them. Her eyes opened even wider if that was possible, and she shook both her hands in front of her. “Oh, no no no no, please, take your, uh, time. Rushed breakfasts suck.”

Marley idled for a moment. While she hardly had shame or guilt, she didn’t exactly interact with people-- or roommates of her fuck buddies-- all that often. Ff ever. Anita lived alone and Jane was, well...Jane. Pausing, she shrugged. “I don’t really eat breakfast,” she said, shuffling around. Whoever this Frankie was, Marley wasn’t sure she liked the way her eyes kept widening when she looked at her. But, Marley could remember being 18 and on her own, struggling in a world that wanted to beat her down and silence her. Everything was always loud and new and scary, even when you could turn invisible. And she doubted Frankie could turn invisible. “Graham is good to you, right?” she asked. “Cause I told him I’d kick his ass if he wasn’t.”

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” A mechanical response, though Frankie didn’t really mean it and understood that the most important meal wasn’t for everyone. Her grandmother usually skipped breakfast too despite her best efforts to bring her trays with bacon and eggs, and her loyal cup of tea. The question about Graham made her mouth form a perfect ‘o’, before she erupted in laughter. Her mind wrapped around all the text messages  he sent her telling her to take care, to get home at a decent hour, and to not be a dumbass online. Though she sincerely doubted a normal person could take down a vampire, her words still warmed her up. “Oh, no, he’s great. I actually think he, uh, cares more than my actual dad. Thanks for the backup though.” Bugs or not, this Marley person seemed nice. She guessed you can’t judge a person by their kinks. “If he’s nasty to you I can help you kick his ass.”

“Eh, sounds fake to me,” Marley said in a blasé tone, shrugging. Then again, she didn’t 100% understand human diets, and she didn’t need to. It was their behavior she was concerned with, not their diets. Marley only needed to feed once or twice a week, it must’ve sucked to have to eat multiple times a day every day. Who had time for that? “Well, good,” she said, turning back towards the cabinets to rifle around for a mug. Didn’t quite know how to approach the dad comment, but it wasn’t her business, and she wasn’t going to pry. Mostly because she just didn’t care. “Oh, don’t worry about me, kiddo,” she said, finally finding the cabinet with the mugs in it and pulling one out. “I can handle shitty men. Though, for the record, Graham is on the less shitty end of shitty men,” she said in what she hoped was a teasing tone. Sometimes her voice made it sound serious. “I’m kidding, of course. He’s a good guy.” When he wasn’t accidentally biting you, she thought with a grin.

Both her elbows were resting on the table now, Frankie’s hands cupping her own face as she took a nice look at the woman’s aura when she wasn’t looking. It had been easy to grow accustomed to it; not thanks to the weird jumps that made her stiffen or shift on her seat in surprise, but because the colors weren’t nearly as bright as those of a normal person. The blue being the cause, definitely. Someone who keep things to themselves. Like the fact that she likes the sound of bugs to get off in bed. Her lips pressed together as she held in another laugh, though she wasn’t sure if it was because of her thought or what Marley had said, and looked away the second the other turned, her mind elsewhere, thinking about the screaming critters again. “Yeah he’s just has weird as fuck kin----- kicks.” Fuck. “H-His shoes are so weird, r-right??” Oh God. So much for not being judgemental.

Oddly, one of Marley’s biggest pet peeves had always been people who avoided eye contact. Now, of course, there was leeway for certain people, but when Marley looked back and Frankie quickly averted her eyes, Marley couldn’t help but feel a prick of annoyance. What was it about her that made her so jumpy? There was no way it she knew what she was or what she was capable of, just by catching her glance, unless Frankie could read minds. Maybe it was just because of the awkward implication this presented. Anyone who had a brain would know that the strange woman in your kitchen with your roommate’s pants on had probably fucked them last night. Marley was sure she’d feel awkward about that, too. And so, she decided to cut the poor girl some slack. “Weird shoes?” raised a brow. “Can’t say I’ve noticed that. He’s not usually wearing anyth-- shoes-- any shoes when I’m around. Cause, you know,” she shrugged, “we’re inside.”

If she had any cereal left, she would be choking on it for the second time in ten minutes. Once more, Frankie was wishing for the floor to swallow her whole. Or better yet, the ceiling suddenly crumbling and burying her forever. Her cheeks were red in embarrassment, and she sank on the chair, suddenly very interested in the pattern on the kitchen walls, the bugs continuing screaming almost as if they were mocking her in this whole scenario. “Right. No shoes. Cause uh, shoes are weird. Shoes are overrated anyways” It was then that the teen decided she would spend the night somewhere else every time Graham brought people over, definitely not ready to deal with random people, less alone do small talk with them. Grabbing the empty bowl, she awkwardly made her way to the kitchen sink to clean after herself, but as she got closer the screaming got as loud as when Marley had entered the room, and one eye twitching as she tried to ignore it. Except, she couldn’t anymore. “Hey so uhh can I ask you something?” She leaned against the sink, trying to keep a straight face but it was obvious how much she was struggling. “Do you, uhhh, like bugs?”

“Sup, ladies?” Graham’s voice arrived before he did and shortly after, the man casually strolled down the hall and into the living room, pausing on the other side of the island that separated the two rooms. He had the decency to put on his favorite pair of sleep pants but those were the only article of clothes that hung off his built frame. He was carrying three empty bottles that he set on the counter and glanced between the two of them, immediately picking up on the awkwardness in the room and he raised his eyebrows with entertainment. He hadn’t anticipated Marley being such a consistent partner in bed but he figured he was allowed to have his fun too. He didn’t… THINK they were that loud all the time. He had been really good about not biting too so he earned a nice night with someone who didn’t mind. “Talkin’ about me?” He asked mildly as he tried his damndest not to overhear their conversation as he lay on his back in his room previously.

“Sure, kid, what’s up?” Marley asked, grateful her coffee was finally done and that meant she could drink it fast and then get out of here. All this “stay the morning after” was beginning to make her itch. “Do I like--” she paused, raising a brow, but didn’t get to finish, as Graham’s voice chimed through the hallway and she was suddenly reminded about how vampire’s had super hearing. Frowning, she poured her cup and headed out of the kitchen. “Talk about you? Why would we? There’s so many more interesting things to talk about,” she said in a flat tone, but it was a tease, and the slight curve of her lips gave that away. “Like cereal. Right?”

Frankie’s head snapped when she heard Graham’s voice, and gave him a dead glare, eyes squinting and  lips pressed together in a way that could only be understood as I’m gonna kill you. Why could she still hear the bugs if they were both in there? Were they in kahoots just to bother her? Marley had looked nice, but she could totally see the vampire convincing her to play a prank on her. “Big ego much?” Eyes moved to the woman as she left the kitchen, her features softening with her words. “Yeah- right. Cereal is way more interesting than you.” And your dumbass kinks. Which led her to... “Okay- I had it. Stop that.” Still leaning against the sink, she crossed her arms. “Marley you’re badass. Graham, you suck. Can you stop the bugs now? I don’t- I really don’t care and I wish I didn’t know what you guys…” Her hand made a vague gesture, her cheeks bright red in embarrassment. “Do in bed and shit but-- Keep it in the room? Please?” “It IS in the room!” Graham exclaimed with an emphatic shrug before anything else had time to mull around in his mind. “It’s always been in the room!” He looked between the two women again, wondering what had happened that turned him into the bad guy. He wasn't mad, mind, but kind of confused and a little hurt. “And yes, I DO suck, you know that.” He made a joke at his own expense, knowing full well both of them would understand. “But I’ve never had sex in this apartment anywhere but in my room-- at least with Marley.” He added hastily. “I don’t know what bugs you’re talking about but that ain’t me, sister.” He went around them to the fridge and opened it roughly, rattling the glass bottles in the door before realising he didn’t want anything dead. If anything, it was more to give him something to do. “I have no idea what you guys were talking about, I have no idea why I’m being put on blast and I have no idea how to fix it but y’all trippin’ if you think getting all mad at me is gonna fix whatever’s happening.”

“Woah,” Marley said, sipping her coffee evenly with an unchanging expression, “someone’s spicy in the morning.” This was exactly why she never did stay. Plus, things had gone pretty sour last time she’d stayed the morning with someone, despite the immediate events being nice. It just proved more to Marley why her old method was tried and true. She leaned up against the counter, raising a brow. “Hey, look-- I’m into some admittedly kinky shit, but bugs aren’t it. So whatever you heard, or are hearing, isn’t us, kiddo,” she said, giving a shrug before picking up her mug and taking another hearty sip. As much as she wanted to leave, she was curious, now to see where this conversation would end up. And to see if Graham really was mad about a little light teasing in the morning. Men could be so sensitive sometimes. It was hard reading Graham’s sudden outburst -not that she wasn’t used to them, especially since Layla had crashed with them-, considering Frankie was used to know exactly (or, well, almost) what people’s intentions were just by glancing their auras; and though normally she appreciated the vampire lacking one, it was situations like these that made her infuriated. Pointing an inquisitive finger at him, she pressed her lips together as if she was about to let hell loose on him, but Marley’s words made her stop and look at her. Aura same as before, not even the slightest change of color (and, sadly, it kept moving like it wanted to eat her or something), and it made Frankie wince and drop her hand. “Then why the hell do I hear cicadas screaming specifically every time you’re over?!” Eyes back on Graham, she squinted for a few seconds, before letting out a sigh. “FINE. Whatever. Let’s pretend the teen doesn’t hear the kinky ass bugs.” 

"Bruuuuh," Graham closed the fridge with a lot more care. "I'm not doing a bit here. I have NO idea what you're talking about." His tone was mild, indicating that he also wasn't lying. "I don't hear bugs, I don't hear cicadas, I just hear a teenage girl getting all heated at two consenting adults for having-- a great time in his bedroom," The flare of emotion from earlier was gone; he was now speaking evenly. "Maybe it has to do with your, uh, synesthesia," That's what he had to call it around other people - it seemed close enough to how he perceived aura reading. "Maybe knowing that we're having sex sends your brain messages that psychosomatically associate the activity with sounds of cicadas," He explained, leaning against the counter casually as he absently chewed on the inside of his cheek. "In any case, don't be mad; just talk to me instead of assuming I'm fucking around with you," He chuckled. "If it's a problem then let's see how we can fix it or… At least mitigate it. Because I like having her over so that's not an option every time." It was Graham's turn to give Marley a look accompanied with a wink, almost as if to say 'sorry about my weird teenage roommate'. 

“Relax, kiddo, no one’s accusing you of anything, but I’m kinda with him on this one,” Marley pointed out, still leaning against the counter with her coffee. “It was good,” she corrected, “it was a good time.” Great was perhaps pushing it a little. Not that it wasn’t, but she couldn’t just outright admit that. Great was, well-- someone she didn’t want to think about yet. “Synesthesia? Really?” she raised a brow, wondering if that was their code for “supernatural”. It made sense. Graham was a vampire, after all. A strange one, at that. Only made sense it’d be easier for him to live with another supernatural roommate. Normal humans were probably too tempting. “So what is it, really?” she asked, pushing away from the counter finally and stopping just shy of Frankie. “I’ve never heard of anyone that can hear things from people. See and feel, but not hear.”

Another groan left Frankie as she buried her face on her hands, before slowly dragging her down her face. Sure, she had gotten herself into that conversation, but that didn’t mean she wanted to know more about their sex life than she already knew. Graham’s words made her stop her dramatic outburst, though - if she could potentially hear buzzing from Regan for some reason, could Marley be the source of another sound? It… made sense, in a very insane way. Despite the colors being radically different, they both shared the fact that their auras had weird and scary movements she’d never heard before. “Oh shit.” She whispered, her full attention to Marley, ignoring the fact that Graham had practically outed her. Carefully and almost painfully slowly, she started moving towards the woman. “I, uh, I don’t know, I’ve never heard stuff before? Don’t move--” And why bugs on top of everything? Crap. He had, in a way, been right. The closer she got to her, the louder the screaming got to the point Frankie had to stop and take a few steps back from her to stop the feeling of bugs chewing on her brain, an uncomfortable and confused look on her face. “Uhh- okay-- So not- Not kinky sex bugs--” She turned to Graham looking like she was about to throw up. “Ithinkheraurasoundslikebugs?” “...Well, at east they aren’t kinky sex bugs,” Graham replied mildly, all things considered. “That’s kind of a problem, though... Why d’you think she sounds like bugs?” He asked more in general as though it were a prompt for a class to ponder. He looked over at Marley again; she didn’t seem like she gave off a bug vibe to him but then again, he hallucinated when he drank her blood-- Ooooh could he turn that into a cocktail? THAT’D be fun. Sorry, distracted, back to the topic at hand. “Let’s see… how could we solve this non-kinky bug conundrum,” He hummed, feeling his brow furrow slightly as he legitimately thought about it.”Oh! Have you tried headphones?” He asked.

“Wait, hold on, back up,” Marley said, shaking her head and setting her coffee down, watching as Frankie turned a steady eye on her. Focusing as if she were waiting for something to happen. Marley raised a brow, glancing between the two. “Did she say aura?” She looked back at Frankie, who looked as if she were either about to faint or scream, then over to Graham. “Is she an aura reader?” Because that, well-- that might be a problem. Marley didn’t need some extrasensory teenager knowing that she was a killer. Not that she knew entirely how aura reading worked, but she’d been warned before that aura readers could see into a person’s soul, that they could know if you’d taken a life willingly. And boy had Marley done that. “Headphones, really? That’s your suggestion? Wait-- do you hear auras?”

“No!...?” Could she? No, if Frankie could hear auras her grandma would’ve told her. Unless she couldn’t? No, it was ridiculous, auras could be seen, not heard. But then again Regan… Shaking her head, the human moved her hands in front of her as if cutting the air; a “enough is enough” gesture before pointed at Graham with both her indexes. “Not cool outing me like that.” And then, she turned towards Marley and did the same. “Yes, and your aura is scary as heck and I’m so sorry you sound like bugs for some reason cause you’re super cool.” Now where was her backpack when she needed to run. Never mind her bright pink clothing - she could deal with the embarrassment of running town in her pajamas better than.. whatever was happening in the room. “I don’t think headphones will work so just--” She jerked the front door open. “-- Just tell me next time you come so I can yeet.” And without waiting for a reply, she walked out and almost closed the door, but she opened it slightly, screamed “nice to meet you Marley”, and ran down the stairs before Graham could drag her back inside.

Before the vampire knew what had happened, the teenager said her piece then zipped out the door without even bothering to close the thing behind her. Graham’s blue-eyed gaze followed her, then looked sideways to Marley, giving a small half-shrug. “Sorry ‘bout that,” He half-heartedly apologized, sounding more like he accidentally bought the wrong type of chips. “She’s, uh… a little manic sometimes.” He explained, rubbing the back of his neck. “For the record, I said synesthesia; she was the one that said ‘aura reading’.” He made sure to clarify. “She sure is sweet, though; we get along well because apparently vampires don’t have auras.” He added, going over to the fridge again and pulling out a bottle of water. “I, uh… get it if that kind of ruined the mood so I’ll do whatever you wanna do,” He said, taking a large swig of the bottle and looking to Marley for a lead.

Before Marley had much of a chance to say anything back, the young girl was bolting from the room, either out of embarrassment or anxiety. Your aura is scary as heck. For some reason, that statement ruffled her. Of course it was, it only made sense. Everything about Marley was scary. She was a monster, after all. But she didn’t like the idea that her aura was so transparent about it. About her. That someone could look at her and know and decide she was a monster without even understanding. She picked up her coffee and finished it off before glancing over at Graham. “She’s a teenager,” she replied evenly, “let her be manic sometimes. Life’s rough in this world as a teenager.” She looked down at the empty coffee cup, then to the open door, then to Graham. “You know,” she shrugged, coming over to him in the kitchen. Pretended to look at a watch that wasn’t on her wrist, “I think you’ll find my mood rather hard to ruin. I’ve got time for a quickie before work.” It was a good distraction, after all.

#p: graham #p: marley #breakfast at graham's #❪ ⋅ ⋆ —— ❛ para ❜ ❫ #wickedswriting #// these three are gonna kill me one day

[ficswithrimi]

Golden (Chapter 13)

First: Chapter 1

Last: Chapter 12

Next: Final Chapter (Pt. 1)

A/N: Raise your hand if you thought I forgot about this story or gave up on it? Jokes on you, cuz I haven’t forgotten the story that has brought me so much joy! And the next chapter is the last chapter. I’d like to sincerely apologize for the long wait! My life has been hectic since the last update. I moved from the USA to South Korea where I work lit ALL the time and my passion for writing actually died somewhere in July. However, as of late, my writer’s block lifted and I’m writing again! Golden Chapter 14 (Final) is slated for a 2020 release so I will see you next year! Thank you for your patience~ Just wait a little longer! I love you! Bye!

_______________________________________________________________

T-minus Five Days Until the CW Final

           “And finished!” You let out a sigh of relief as you confirmed your classes for the following semester. Since you would be finishing up your GE requirements this semester, you could 100% focus on your major for the following one. After officially declaring your major in dance Wednesday, it felt as if a load of stress fell from your shoulders. However, you still had other stressors that prevented you from feeling the peace you’ve been missing since October. Not only did Monday start Finals Week, but it also meant that on Wednesday, Jungkook would reveal himself to the world – okay, maybe just the campus – that he was Golden. You already imagined the day was going to go down in history for your university. There had been rumors tossed around in the last CW class this morning that ranged from plausible to ridiculous. Most were ridiculous, however. The wildest one you heard was that the university’s president was going to make a guest appearance and give Jungkook – Golden – a key to the school. The more reasonable one, and the one you chose to believe from past events, was that the Golden Search Party from Junmyeon’s party a couple of months ago managed to get the university’s news team to record the final and hold interviews after.

           Chloe and you had sat in the back of the auditorium – as usual – where all the rumors were being thrown. However, you remembered glancing to the front and seeing people whispering and glancing around the auditorium as well – as if trying to see if anyone would slip up last minute that they were Golden by the rumors being told. Jungkook, as always, had played it cooled. He and Taehyung just sat at front, not really paying attention to the professor as she explained the rundown on how the final would work. The final…

           The final on the blog that you deleted out of anger. You literally had less than a week to figure something out. You could always recreate the blog, but your professor would be able to clearly tell that your blog was new. To be honest, when you first signed up for the class, you imagined it’d be Chloe to fail as she barely showed up and didn’t take the blog assignment seriously. However, it now seemed everything backfired as you would be the one to fail the class because of your missing blog.

           Letting out a frustrated groan, you gripped your hair and dropped your head to the desk.

           “You literally just went from relieved to stressed out in the matter of two minutes,” Chloe nonchalantly commented as she laid on her bed, flipping through a magazine. The bed creaked as the young woman sat up and turned her attention to you. “What’s wrong? Finals? Jungkook? Taehyun-“

           “Ugh!” You let out another groan as she mentioned Taehyung. He had been texting to ask to hang out almost every day. Every time a message popped up, you’d immediately ignored it. You already knew he was into you and wanted to go on another “date.” However, your feelings were clearly for someone else – someone that also happened to be a good friend of his.

           “Lemme tell good ole’ Tae Tae,” Chloe smirked as she cracked her knuckles. At the sound of this, your head popped up.

           “You’re not telling him. I’m telling him,” You frowned at the woman as she shrugged.

           “Sure, okay.” she said as she plopped back down. “I can see it now. It’s your wedding day and as you walk down the aisle, your eyes shift to the man you’re marrying, Taehyung, but slowly they go over to Jungkook, who is standing beside Taehyung, and immediate regret washes over your face cuz it should’ve been him you were marrying. If only you told Taehyung the truth in your sophomore year of college…”

           Rolling your eyes, you stood up from your chair and looked towards Chloe. “For someone who skipped out on CW for nearly the entire semester, you sure have an imaginative mind.”

           “Of course. All aspiring actors need to have more than one talent in them,” Chloe smirked. “But seriously, what are you gonna do?”

           “I’m gonna tell him… tonight?”

           “Tonight?” Chloe grinned mischievously. “Oh, when? Where? I wanna be the-“

           “No! I’m telling him alone, Chloe,” You frowned towards her.

           “Fine, fine,” she waved you off. “So, what are you going to say? How you like the real Golden and not him, the imposter?”

           “Taehyung never told me if he was Golden or not so calling him an imposter is a little…” You scrunched your nose. You never thought of what you would say to Taehyung when you met up with him. Obviously, you had to come up with something before asking him out. You could always just tell him that you don’t share the same feelings as he does. He didn’t have to know why or who your real feelings were for. Still… did he have the right to know? How would he feel if he saw you and Jungkook…?

           But did Jungkook even have feelings for you? Were you the only one that harbored a crush between the two of you? It was silly to assume just because he, as Golden, held similar feelings because of the lowkey flirting he did and the hints he responded to his anons with. It was his online personality, after all. The outside Jungkook was a quite shy young man. He’s only opened up to you within the past two weeks despite knowing him for almost three months. When he did, however, you felt the connection. He was really easy to talk to once he felt comfortable. Sometimes you did see his Golden personality come out through the real him and-

           Bzz! Bzz! Bzz!

           You blinked as your left your thoughts to look at your phone. Another text message… from Taehyung.

           “Golden Wannabe, again?” Chloe casually asked as she went back to flipping through her magazine.

           “Stop calling him that,” You glared slightly at her as you opened your messages. Glancing over the message, it was exactly what you had expected. Gliding your fingers carefully over the letters to say your response, you nervously bit your bottom lip. It was now or never, you guess.

                                                          ~!~

Jungkook’s POV

           It was a typical Friday night for Jungkook. He was spending his evening with two of his best buddies – Jimin and Taehyung – in their dorm, planning what the night had in store for them. Of course, there wasn’t as many options to hang out as usual as finals were happening the upcoming weeks and that meant the students who usually worked at the hangout spots, such as the student center or arcade, were off studying for what could make or break their college career. Jungkook had been studying and prepping for his finals all week and would return to studying tomorrow so he chose tonight to relax a bit. Luckily, Jimin and Taehyung had the same mindset.

           However, instead of planning what and where the trio would be going, they sat in the dorm, listening to Taehyung complain about Y/N and how she never responds to his texts asking them to hang out. Jimin tried to explain to his friend that Y/N took finals seriously and was probably stressing over them – Jungkook knew he was not wrong as he recalled how the girl acted during midterms- and to give her time. Though Taehyung understood, he didn’t accept that for an answer. After Y/N’s bizarre disappearing act on Wednesday, he was more determined to see her and ask what was going on. He knew it had to be more than just ‘stressing over finals.’ Jungkook couldn’t lie. He wondered what happened that day, too. Jungkook had run into her at the counselor’s office later in the day where she declared her major. She had looked as if she wanted to tell him something else before his counselor had called him inside. Since then, she hasn’t really reached out to talk to him. Out of the three in the dorm, Y/N had only contacted Jimin.

           “She only asked me to meet her on Sunday,” Jimin shrugged as he explained to the other guys – mostly Taehyung as Jungkook was in his own thoughts – why Y/N messaged him earlier in the day. Jimin didn’t see the big deal as he was considered Y/N’s closest guy friend next to Namjoon.

           “Why doesn’t she want to meet with me? Did I mess up our date that badly?” Taehyung sighed as he threw his head back to stare solemnly at the ceiling.

           “Y/N said it wasn’t a date…” Jungkook mumbled as he scrolled through his messages on his blog.

           Anon: Dnt understimate my listening skills, Golden! I will find you out BEFORE Wednesday!

Anon: Have you heard the rumors in CW?! I heard the mayor is coming to see your reveal!!

                       Those were only some of the messages Jungkook had been receiving since finals were rapidly approaching. He thought it was ridiculous how everyone was making his reveal some humongous event for the school. Namjoon had even told him that some classes were holding viewing parties as some classmates – and even the school’s news team – were planning to record his final. Though it made the young man nervous, what Jungkook cared the most about was receiving a decent grade and, more so, impressing Y/N.

           “I thought it was a date! She didn’t think so?” Taehyung’s eyes widened as Jungkook’s words circled in his mind.

           Jimin laughed nervously as he saw a wave of worry wash over his best friend and roommate’s face. “Y/N’s really… uh… picky with her words? So, even if she thought it was a date, she-“

           “She clearly said the night you asked her out that it wasn’t a date.” Jungkook bluntly said as he looked up from his phone. Jimin threw the younger man a look as he shrugged. Meanwhile, Taehyung’s mouth fell open.

           “I-I thought it was a date! I thought it was known it was a date! All those times she sat up front in the class beside me and let me walk her back to her dorm! I thought she was into me!”

           “Look, Tae, Y/N… she thinks you’re cool but…,” Jimin glanced at Jungkook again with a knowing face. Jungkook arched a curious brow at the junior as he tried to read his expression. His eyes widened as a previous thought came back to him. Jimin knew he was Golden. He knew Y/N had feelings for Golden meaning she had feelings for him.

           “Maybe… you guys are wrong. I’ll ask her to meet me again!” Taehyung reached for his phone.

           “I don’t think that’s a good idea, dude. I mean, she hasn’t been responding to your texts all week, right?” Jimin said.

           “Yeah but I need to know how she feels.” Taehyung said as he began to rapidly type his message. “I want to tell her how I feel!”

           Jungkook’s heart dropped to his stomach at his words. Though he knew Y/N liked him – or Golden which was technically him – what if after Taehyung’s confession, Y/N began to realize her feelings for him? Granted, she was already under the impression that Tae was Golden and said how they weren’t similar in real life – which makes sense considering Jungkook is Golden – but what if she decided to begin to know Taehyung and fall for him? Taehyung was a much more outgoing guy than Jungkook which anyone could tell  as he wasn’t afraid to ask the girl outside despite being ignored. If it were Jungkook, he would’ve given up the first time he was brushed off. However, Taehyung seemed determined to win Y/N over and, don’t get it wrong, Jungkook wanted to express his feelings to Y/N as well… he just needed time. Exactly five days to be exact.

           “Tae, wait! What if the one Y/N likes is Gol-“

           “And sent!” Taehyung grinned his boxy grin as usual. However, it wavered slightly as nerves began to eat the boy up. Jungkook was a little surprised at this as Taehyung had always appeared over-confident when it came to approaching girls he liked. “What were you saying Jimin?”

           “Ah… nothing…” Jimin scratched the back of his head.

           Bzz! Bzz! Bzz!

           Taehyung’s eyes widened as he looked at message on his phone. Immediately, a more confident grin broke out on his face. Jimin and Jungkook both knew that could only mean one thing…

           “She agreed! She responded! We’re gonna meet on Monday after out finals are done! This is it, guys!” Excitement filled Taehyung’s eyes as he grinned at his two friends. Blinded by his joy, he didn’t notice the nervous smile Jimin threw at him and the distant, blank look on Jungkook’s face.

           “That’s great but-“

           “I gotta go! I’m meeting Sungjae to go over our final project!” Taehyung said as he grabbed his bookbag and headed for the door. “See you guys later!”

           Taehyung slammed the door behind him as he left, causing the room to shake a little from the force. Jungkook let out a frustrated sigh he had been holding in and gripped his hair with his hands. This was not working out. Why did he and his friend have to share the same feelings for the same girl? It wasn’t going to work out for one of them. Best case scenario was that she’d turn down both boys. Besides, both Vmusic95 and Golden had been stressing the woman out for the entirety of the semester. She’s been harassed online by strangers, forced to go to parties and dance in front of large crowds, gotten into fights with her best friend over it, and who knows what other turmoil it caused the rising junior.

           “So…” Jimin said, breaking Jungkook from his thoughts. “I’m sure you figured it out by now but I kinda sorta know you’re Golden…”

           Jungkook looked up at Jimin. “From Chloe?”

           Jimin simply nodded his head. “Chloe.”

           It wasn’t a surprise the blonde told Jimin. He figured it was her who spilled that week everyone went to dinner together. Jungkook let out a slight laugh which caused Jimin to question him.

           “So, if you’re Golden… that means Y/N…”

           “Likes me. Yeah…” Jungkook chuckled darkly. “She thinks I’m Vmusic95 and earlier this week… she told me that she likes Golden…”

           “The biggest crush, honestly,” Jimin mumbled as he recalled the times the girl would smile dreamily at her phone – like a creep – while scrolling on her blog or blush whenever Golden – Jungkook – would casually mention her. Shaking his head, he looked back to the man. “So…”

           “Golden…” Jungkook sighed, “…Has the biggest crush on her, too.”

~!~

T-Minus Three Days Until the CW Final

             The campus was freaking out. Lines at the various coffee shops had waiting numbers as students stood in line impatiently awaiting their drinks after pulling all-nighters from constant studying. The student union building was so quiet that one could hear the howl of the outside winter wind. Several students even claimed to have witnessed a tumbleweed roll by it. The library was beyond capacity limit and had begun redirecting students to other buildings to study since Friday evening. Freshmen shook in their boots from witnessing the nerves of their seniors – also because it was cold outside but whatever – as their heads violently twisted left and right to watch the plethora of sophomores, juniors, and seniors rushing back and forth on campus. Meanwhile, there were the high performing students who laughed conceitedly as they performed well enough throughout the semester to be exempt from nearly all their exams. They were able to sit in their dorm lounges and sip on whatever warm drinks that protected them from the outside cold. Meanwhile, professors sat in teacher lounges, laughing evilly as they thought up thousands of impossible to answer questions – non-multiple choice, of course - to slap on their finals and making final papers have a 10-page, 12,000 word – 12-font, single spacing, and no, the title and your name doesn’t count - minimum requirement. At least, that was what was rumored around the university.

           Yes, Finals Week brought out the worst in everyone. Then there were the other half of the students who lazed around for the semester and began to panic as they realized if they didn’t pass their exams, they’d have to either retake the class, or worse, be on academic probation. Unfortunately, you fell in the latter half of how students were the final week of school all because of one class – creative writing. Earlier in the semester, you would’ve been freaking out about your Chemistry final, but, after passing the midterm with a high enough score, you were exempt. In fact, you were exempt from three out of five of your exams – dance and creative writing. Thinking about the cursed class sent anxiety shooting through your body. Why did you delete your blog out of anger? How were you going to make up for three-month’s worth of content – even if your blog was sort of boring – in three days?

           “Have I mentioned-“

           “How much you hate me because I took the last spot in technology that you needed to complete your GE requirements and I’m the reason you’re in creative writing and why all of this is happening to you,” Jimin rolled his eyes as he watched you butterfly stretch beside him. Your dance exam was tomorrow and Jimin and you were getting one last practice in before the early morning exam.

           “I’m glad you agree,” You grumbled as you stretched your legs in front of you. Tori Kelly’s Paper Hearts was playing in the background as you both loosened up. The dance final consisted of a made-up choreography to any song you wanted. Jimin not only choreographed a dance but he did it for his own song. You swore him along with Namjoon, Yoongi, and maybe Hoseok, too, were going to form some sort of boyband one day. It’d be even funnier if it turned out Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jin could sing well and joined them, too. Dusting yourself off as you stood up, you turned to look at the older boy. “Seriously, what am I gonna do, Jiminnie?

           “You’ll think of something, Y/N. You’ve come this far, right? I’m sure your professor knows about Golden’s popularity. Just blame it on those asshole anons as to why you deleted your blog.”

           It wasn’t technically a lie. The anons you received throughout the day just because Golden acknowledged you were vicious. Some of the messages you had received did make you want to delete your blog at times or at least turn off messaging. But, if you would’ve turned off messaging, you wouldn’t of have been able to talk to Vmusic95 – Golden – or the few decent anons you received. Still, you couldn’t find it in you to use that as to why you weren’t prepared for your final. You had to come up with something.

           “Do you think I can reblog three-months of material within the span of two days?” You asked Jimin as he turned on the song he was dancing to for his final. He said it was called Serendipity.

           “No.”

           “Thanks.”

           “Stop stressin’ over it. Think of something else. Like… your date with Taehyung tonight,” Jimin wriggled his eyebrows at you only to earn a groan. “Just kidding… I know… you don’t like Taehyung in that way.”

           “Huh?” Your eyes widened. You don’t think you told Jimin about how your first date with his roommate went so how would he know? Did Chloe spill to him about it?

           “Don’t hurt his feelings too badly tonight, okay?” was all Jimin said as the song began to play over the speakers. You tried to focus on his dance, but your mind kept going back to his words. Great, now you had to worry not only about your creative writing final but Taehyung’s feelings as well. Why couldn’t your life be normal and the only thing you had to worry about was waking up on time for your finals. Sighing, you decided to try and watch your close friend move effortlessly to the beat of his song while thinking of ways to not hurt anyone’s feelings within the next couple of days.

                                                        ~!~    

           Since everyone was mostly busy with preparing for the start of finals tomorrow – or in a couple of hours if you were one of those people – the dining halls were practically empty. And when the dining halls were empty, you’d thing there’d be a ton of fresh food available and no shortages because no one was there, right? Wrong. During finals, students would load up on to-go trays to bring back to their dorms. It was busier than ever this time of year because of the amounts of students that would come as soon as the halls opened to grab all the food and leave as quickly as they’d come. Usually if one found a break between their studying in the evening, the best option to restock on food was to go to the nearby McDonalds. You could only imagine the chaos that was happening in there on this Sunday night.

           So that’s why Taehyung decided to settle on the dining halls for your evening out! If you weren’t planning on rejecting the man’s feelings for you tonight, then you’d be a little upset with his choice of grabbing food. You sat in front of the brown-haired 20-year-old and stared at what was supposed to be spaghetti with meatballs. The noodles were overcooked, however, and the meatballs were almost nonexistent as everyone knew it was the best thing about the dish and usually overloaded their plates with them. You managed to scoop out the last one and you ate that about five minutes ago.

           “Sorry, I thought McDonald’s would be busy…” Taehyung laughed nervously as he saw you twirl your spaghetti noodles around your fork with no intentions of consuming it.

           “It’s fine… thanks for… uh… inviting me out?” You gave him a weak smile as you shifted your eyes away from his staring saddened ones. He had been looking at you with those eyes since he came to pick you up from your dorm. At first, you thought he was mad about something. Especially because it was Chloe who answered the door when he knocked with a, “Oh, it’s the annoying can’t-take-a-hint guy that’s friends with Park.” Before she could say anything else to the boy, you dragged her away by her arm. Still, after the awkward greetings and on the walk to hall, you noticed he didn’t give off an upset demeanor, but a sad one.

           “It’s no problem…” He gave you a lopsided grin – opposite from his usually boxy one. You felt your hands sweat from the nerves you felt. Something was obviously off. You wanted to ask what was wrong with him, but you were afraid of the answer he’d give. Was he upset because you ignored his messages up until now? Shouldn’t he be happy you finally agreed? Or… worse? What if he knew you knew he wasn’t Golden – that he was Vmusic95? What if he was waiting for you to expose him at any given moment? Of course, you’d never do that. You’ve known Jungkook was Golden for almost a couple of days and the thought of exposing him hadn’t cross your mind not once. What if-

           “So… what made you finally agree to come with me tonight?” Taehyung arched a brow at you as he pushed his untouched food aside.

           “I… uh” Shit. You knew he was upset about you ignoring him. “I’ve been busy studying for finals. I kinda take them really seriously…”

           “Yeah… Jimin told me,” was all he said. You shot him a nervous smile as he looked at you. He didn’t return the gesture. Clearing your throat, you picked up your glass of water and looked towards the TV screen as you took a sip. Immediately, you began to cough as the screen flashed a “Breaking News” banner across it from the university’s news team. Apparently, they had been granted permission to record Golden’s big reveal. It was breaking because not only was your professor allowing it, but the university’s president was allowing it as well. It’d be the first time a final exam would be aired on live – yes, live – television.

           “Wow…” Taehyung breathed out as he stared at the screen, too.

           “They’re really taking this Golden thing seriously, huh?” You nervously laughed as you took another sip of your water.

           “You know Golden, right?” Taehyung suddenly asked, causing you to choke again on your water. Clearing your throat and grabbing a napkin to wipe your mouth, you looked up at him.

           “U-uh everyone knows Golden!”

           “Yeah… everyone,” He seemed to search for the right words to say as it became silent between the two of you. “Would you… believe me… if I told you I was Golden?”

           “H-huh?!” Your eyes widened. There was no way he was Golden. No chance. Chloe had confirmed Jungkook was Golden. Still, did she ever really give you evidence that Golden was Jungkook? What if Golden really was Taehyung as you thought all along? Your heart pounded in your ears as you stared at Taehyung. He seemed to search your eyes before speaking again.

           “Would you be okay knowing I was Golden?”

           You gulped nervously. How could you tell him that you’d be really disappointed if he was Golden? You’d finally accept Golden as Jungkook and just knowing that made you so happy. You liked Jungkook before you even knew he was Golden. It was just like the Little Mermaid where Eric realized Ariel was the girl he’d been searching for all along. Golden – Jungkook – has been right beside you all along since you first met him in that café with Namjoon.

           “You don’t have to answer. Your face says it all. I’m… not Golden…” Taehyung smiled sadly at you as your eyes widened. You felt your heart drop again at his following words. “I’m not… the one you like… even if I was Golden… I still don’t think you’d like me…”

           “Taehyung-“

           “No, it’s fine! Trust me! I’ll be okay! I just… I just wanted you to know the truth. That’s actually why I invited you out tonight. Thank God you said yes, or you’d had to find out the truth on Wednesday like the rest of the campus,” he chuckled. “I still… can’t reveal who Golden really is, but I think you’ll be really happy when you find out.”

           You felt as if a cat had snatched your tongue as you didn’t know how to respond him. This wasn’t what you were expecting when he asked you out. You assumed he’d admit his feelings for you or something – not admit he wasn’t Golden. He must’ve picked up on your confused emotions as he suddenly stood up.

           “Well… tomorrow’s finals. I gotta… go study. You should study, too. See you on Wednesday?” He threw another off-grin towards you.

           “Taehyung I-…” You let out a heavy sigh as you gained your voice back. “I’m sorry…”

           “No worries! Thanks for meeting me! I’ll catch you later, okay?” He placed a heavy hand on your shoulder where he let it linger briefly before removing it and walking away. Somehow, you felt like he transferred the weight of his emotions to you as your chest felt heavy with regret and sorrow. Sighing, you sat further back into the chair you sat in as Taehyung’s words continued to swirl inside your mind. When was this nightmare going to end? You could only pray for Wednesday…

                                                          ~!~

T-Minus One Day Until the CW Final

             “I repeat! T-minus ONE day until the shitshow that is this CW final!” Chloe jumped on you as you laid in bed with the blankets covering your entire body. Usually, you’d yell at the girl for jumping on you suddenly, but you weren’t in the mood for picking a fight with her. You were stressed to the point that you had shut down completely Not only was your deleted blog due tomorrow morning, but you kept replaying Sunday’s night out with Taehyung in your head. The only thing that distracted you from your thoughts was your dance final yesterday that you were sure you aced. Even then, it was a minute or two of bliss before the dance was over and your thoughts clouded your mind again.

           Seeing you not respond to her jumping on you, Chloe poked out her lips and crossed her arms. “Y/N, I know you’re upset about hurting Taehyung’s feelings and all, but he seems like a strong guy. He’ll move on.”

           “Taehyung… final… creative writing… fail… blog,” You incoherently mumbled from your underneath your covers. Chloe just blinked confusedly at you as a heavy sigh escaped your  mouth. Getting frustrated with your moping, Chloe climbed off you before tearing your covers from you. You groaned loudly as you grabbed for your pillow to cover your head with. Unfortunately, you were a bit slow and Chloe snatched that away, too.

           “Laying in bed all day and crying over a deleted blog isn’t gonna help your situation. How about getting your ass up and throwing some random things together? We have less than 24 hours until the final.” Chloe said.

           “I can’t do that. It’ll look like I just started the project the night before.”

           “Well….” Chloe stretched out the “l” as she rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. “It would be kinda true since you rage deleted your blog.”

           “Just let me accept my failure,” You frowned as you outstretched your hand towards the girl to ask for your pillow and blankets back. Chloe returned your look and tossed the objects to her bed.

           “No! Listen,” Chloe’s eyes shifted to her digital clock on her nightstand. “I have to go to my final but when I get back, you better be making your new blog and not in bed.”

           “I have no idea-“

           “Ask Golden,” She smirked at you as a faint blush crawled up your neck. “Bye!”

           You jumped slightly as she shut the door with a loud bang. Sighing, you ran your fingers through your hair. Chloe was right. You had to think of something for your blog. Maybe you could be like her and make posts about your daily struggles in life. Of course, hers was more about her unrequited love for Namjoon but still. You had enough material to practically write a novel about what’s happened within the past three months. However, you didn’t really want to share with the world – or your classmates – about your drama surrounding Golden – Jungkook – and everything else that’s happened. Maybe your only option was to just reblog some random pictures and call it a day. You could make up some story about the concept of your blog. It wasn’t like your original blog had an in-depth meaning anyway. You had planned to explain how the blog showed your interest in both dancing and cooking. It wasn’t anything special.

           Deciding that Chloe was right and sitting in your bed wasn’t going to help you get anything accomplished. Biting your bottom lip, you nervously reached for your cellphone and pulled up Jungkook’s number. You hadn’t seen the freshman since that day you ran into him at the counselor’s office. Maybe he could give you an idea. He was Golden after all, right? Your thumb hovered over the send button after typing up a text asking him to meet you someplace. Admittedly, you were a bit nervous to be alone with the boy now that you knew he was Golden. Your mind would occasionally go back to the morning you told him about your feelings for Golden under the impression he was Vmusic95. No wonder his face had been so red when you told him. And on top of that you kissed his cheek. Yikes.

           Too busy overthinking, you didn’t notice your thumb twitch slightly – just enough to send the message to Jungkook.

           Bzz! Bzz! Bzz!

           My final ends at 3pm. I can meet you there at 4. :) -Jungkook

                                                           ~!~

           Jungkook’s POV

           “Hoping that you won’t forget…”

           Yoongi gave Jungkook a thumbs up as he finally finished the song he’d been preparing for the past week for his big reveal. The freshman wanted it to be nearly perfect as it was now confirmed the school’s new team was coming to record the entirety of the creative writing final. Jungkook thought it was a pretty dumb idea as the class was about 200 students and since Golden was a mystery to everyone, they’d have to sit through and record every final. There was a rumor that the news team received a “lead” paper where the professor provided them with a roster of the class and marked each student’s name with a star as to who she thought could possibly be Golden. From what Taehyung told him, Jungkook’s name was not marked.

           Jungkook didn’t want the reveal perfect just for the news team, however. He also needed it to be nearly perfect because not only was he revealing himself to the school but to Y/N as well. He thought hard about rather telling her personally or the route he had chosen. The downside to revealing himself to her along with the school is that she could be angry at him for not telling her sooner. Then again, she had to understand it was part of his blog idea. Besides, how would the school know his reveal was also a personal reveal – and possible confession – for the girl?

           “So, what’s the plan? You’re just gonna stand on the stage as this plays in the background and say something like, ‘Hey I’m Golden?’” Yoongi arched a brow at the brown-haired boy as he exited the studio. He pulled out the flash drive and handed it to Jungkook whose eyes were glued to his phone. The amount of anons he had been receiving since the “breaking news” last night was ridiculous. He was overwhelmed with all the messages. Yoongi arched a brow at him as he didn’t receive answer. “Yo? You good?”

           Jungkook looked up from his phone and to Yoongi. The senior could see the stress and exhaustion in Jungkook’s brown eyes. It was true – Jungkook was tired of maintaining his blog. Golden wasn’t supposed to become as huge as it had become. There was literally nowhere on campus or in the surrounding area where Jungkook didn’t hear his blog mentioned. Don’t get it wrong, he was happy that his music taste could connect with such a large amount of people but, the messages that ranged from love confessions to trying to gather information to stalk him was just too much. He just wanted it to be over.

           “I’m fine… thanks… for everythin-“

           Bzz! Bzz! Bzz!

           Jungkook let out a groan as his phone cut him off. It was probably another message. Turning his phone on briefly, his glanced down at the screen to see it was a text from Y/N. Eyes widening with sudden excitement, the boy shoved the flash drive with his cover song on it into his pocket and immediately began tapping away. Yoongi only smirked at the sight as he saw a brief smile appear on Jungkook’s face. He didn’t even need to ask who it was.

           “Guessing you have to go now?” Yoongi chuckled as he watched Jungkook pull on his jacket.

           “Yeah. I have a final and then I’m hanging out with Y/N,” Jungkook’s face reddened as he said her name. Yoongi only chuckled a little louder. Jungkook made it obvious he had a crush on the sophomore.

           “Hey… before you go…” Yoongi placed a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder to stop him. Jungkook arched a brow at Yoongi in response. “You should consider stop reading all those messages I’m sure Golden is getting. Can be a bit too much to handle with it being finals week and stuff, you know? No need to be stressing over a blog that will be ending soon and finals, okay?”

           Jungkook seemed to be in thought for a bit about Yoongi’s advice before nodding his head and giving him a smile. “Thanks…”

           “No problem… now leave me alone. I’ve done enough for Golden this semester,” Yoongi shooed off the freshman.

                                                            ~!~

           Your POV

           This was like deja-vu. You were sitting in the same little sandwich café off campus that you and Namjoon loved to study at. Your laptop was with you as you were waiting for the arrival of your other party except it wasn’t Namjoon  you were waiting for this time. It was Jungkook. The café happened to also be the place where you first met him. You remembered thinking how shy he was when you first met him. Granted, you were shy as well but not as much as him. You will admit, you weren’t that interested in the boy the first time you met him – he was just another one of Namjoon’s millions of friends. If the current you would’ve told the you from three months ago that you’d develop feelings for that same shy boy who also turned out to be the mysterious music blogger you were obsessed with, you definitely wouldn’t believe yourself.

           It was almost 4:10 as you sipped on the hot cocoa you had ordered. Concluding that Jungkook’s final may be taking a little longer than expected, you decided to open the blog site. One thing you accomplished this morning after Chloe had left was creating a URL for your new blog. You still didn’t have an idea of what to do but hey, it was a start. Instead of going with DancerCookies again, you decided on BeautifulDancer. It was a song rec Jungkook did a while ago. You thought he may have recommended it for you discreetly since the day he posted it, you had told him about your struggle with choosing a major. Of course, you could’ve been completely wrong, and he just really liked that song and wanted to encourage others.

           You scrolled through some blog pages before stopping on one. Eyes widening, you clicked on the name of the blog – “Falling in Love with a Senior That Will Be Graduating Next Semester: The Sad Story of Chloe C.” Chloe’s blog! She updated it? You noticed that she had just posted a blog update. Titled, “Not All Princesses Receive Their Prince Charming’ – which received an eyeroll from you – you scanned through the post. It had to be the most normal post Chloe had made since making her blog. She still used acronyms to keep the obvious identities hidden, but she mainly talked about coming to terms that, “Sometimes people don’t return your feelings” and “You can’t force someone to like you.” She also mentioned how that the post would be her final update on the blog as, “This stupid blog assignment ends tomorrow and so does this blog.” You had to admit, you were proud of how Chloe had matured over the past three months. Yes, she was still your beloved wild Chloe, but ever since the Namjoon incident, she seemed to back away from the senior. You chuckled as you remembered the song Namjoon wrote for her. You wondered how Chloe would quickly change up this post after she learned that Namjoon actually did return her feelings for him. That, however, was something that they would have to talk to each other about. The last time you revealed something to Chloe regarding Namjoon, it ended in a week-long fight.

           As you clicked away from her blog, you heard the jingle of the door and saw Jungkook walk in, hands stuffed in his padded jacket and face buried in his scarf. Your face reddened as his eyes searched the café before landing on you. He threw his bunny-like grin at you as he quickly made his way towards you.

           “Sorry I’m late!” He apologized as he removed his jacket. He was wearing a gray Puma sweat suit and white sneakers. He must’ve recently gotten a haircut because, despite his bangs still being down and slightly disheveled – much to your annoyance – his hair looked shorter. Several silver earrings accompanied his ears – one in the right ear and two in the left and a silver watch on his wrist. It was a very simple, causal look but you couldn’t help but stare. He looked so… cute. Not the same “cute” you thought when you first met him and thought he had a baby face and looked adorable. No – he looked cute as if he matured more into a man within the last three months.

           “It’s okay! I only got here five minutes ago,” You shifted your eyes elsewhere to stop staring at him. You knew he didn’t believe you when he eyed your nearly empty mug of cocoa.

           “Sure…” He laughed it off as he sat down. “So… what’s up?”

           “H-huh? Oh! Um… just wanted… to hang out?” You laughed nervously as closed your laptop to give Jungkook your full attention.

           “On finals week? That’s unlike you.”

           “Oh, and you know me so well now, huh?” You playfully smirked at him which caused his face to turn red. He was so cute. There was a brief silence between the two of you as you both tried to think of what to say to one another. You wanted to ask him what he was planning to do to reveal himself tomorrow but then he’d know you knew who he was – as well as your increasing feelings for him.

           “Thought of a blog idea yet?” He suddenly asked, taking you away from your mind. You let out a heavy sigh as you sunk back into the booth you sat in. “I take that as a no…”

           “The only thing I’ve done is create an empty blog page. I have no idea what to put on it.”

           “Hm…” Jungkook tried to think of something to tell you for your blog.

           “Think if I write a post about cats, she’ll give me an A?” You asked as you sat up. Everyone in the class knew of the professor’s weakness for the fluffy furballs.

           “I’d say a C- at the most,” Jungkook chuckled. You sucked your teeth at him before sinking back in your chair. Another silence between you two as you both pondered what you could do for your blog to save your grade. Well, at least you wondered about it. You didn’t know what Jungkook was thinking. Occasionally, you’d both make eye contact with one another and give shy smiles and giggles. Though it was silent between you both, you felt completely comfortable. You couldn’t wait for him to reveal himself tomorrow. You could finally talk to him about his music taste and share songs with another. Maybe you could even make him a  mixtape of your favorite songs – if people still even did that. There was so much you wanted to talk to him about but his secret of being Golden was holding you back. It felt like there was a part of him you both knew about but couldn’t discuss. It was agonizing. You wanted to know so much more about Jungkook so your feelings could grow for him – or fade out depending on what you learned. However, you don’t think it was possible for you to stop liking him.

           Just as he was about to say something, both of your phones started to violently go off along with several others in the café. Thinking it was a severe weather alert, you whipped out your phone and to your surprise – it was your school’s newspaper posting a “Breaking News” article about how “The Infamous Golden turns off messaging hours before his big reveal!” Your eyes widened at the article and immediately your eyes glance at Jungkook who was still looking at his phone. He seemed slightly annoyed by the article.

           “Golden is making everyone go crazy, huh?” You laughed nervously as you set down your phone. Jungkook tore his eyes away from the article and looked at you. His face still seemed tensed.

           “Is Golden still making you feel crazy?” He suddenly asked, taking you by surprise. You felt your mouth go dry as you searched for a proper response in your head. There was no way you could let him know you knew who he was. You avoided his eye contact as he seemed to try to search for an answer within them.

           “Uh… not really? My… um… blog was deleted! So, I haven’t really been on the app to see what he’s up to. And he obviously can’t message me because I deleted and all… and he doesn’t know my new blog name… so…”

           Jungkook seemed to think about your answer before nodding his head as if accepting it. You let out a nervous chuckle as you chugged down the remainder of your now cold cocoa.

           “Golden makes me crazy…” You heard Jungkook mumble.

           “Yeah, but after tomorrow, no more Golden, right?” A wavering smile appeared on your lips.

           “Yeah… no more Golden…”

                                                           ~!~

           You sat at your desk in your dorm, one foot in the chair as the other hung loosely. It was 11:30pm and you still hadn’t thought about what to do with your blog. You had tried going on the app again after leaving Jungkook, but it was going crazy with the news of Golden closing his inbox. The school somehow made the hashtags #GoldenIsComing and #GoldensReveal trend nationwide. It was insane. No wonder Jungkook was stressed. He wasn’t the only one, though. When you were brushing your hair a few minutes ago, you could’ve sworn more strands came out than normal. It had to be from all the stress the semester put you through and is still putting you through. Tomorrow would be the end of things but you were no way prepared.

           “Y/N!” Chloe suddenly came bursting into your dorm room along with Jimin. You didn’t know where the girl was this late at night with only a couple of hours before the final – or why Jimin was with her – but you assumed she was out with her other friends. Unlike you, Chloe was prepared for the final. Funny… she didn’t even show up to class and she was prepared. “Did you hear?!”

           “Golden closed his inbox?” You shrugged. It had literally happened hours ago. It’s all everyone around campus had been talking about for the rest of the day. In fact, when Jungkook was walking you back to your dorm, you both heard people gossiping about it. He looked annoyed from it while you had thrown him worried glances.

           “No! Taehyung!” Jimin said as they both ran up to you and shoved their phones in your face. Both were on different pages. The one on Jimin’s phone revealed the homepage for Vmusic95 and on it, as clear as a day and in bold letters, there was a post that said:

           Hello! Kim Taehyung here! I was gonna reveal myself tomorrow but… I thought I’d do it now. I’m VMusic95. Can’t wait to present my blog tomorrow to everyone! See you then! – Tae (V)

           Your eyes widened as you snatched Jimin’s phone from his hand, earning a “hey!” from him in response. What was going on? Did they plan this? First Jungkook closing his inbox and now Taehyung revealing himself before the final. Would this put Jungkook in danger? Would people suspect him after this? How many of your classmates noticed the two together?

           “Forget about that, Jungkook made his final post as Golden!” Chloe took Jimin’s phone from you and tossed it to her bed, earning another “hey!” from the boy. “And you’ll never guess what it is!”

           “What is it?” You blink confusedly as you took her phone from her. There was a black screen and that only meant that he had done another cover. Where did Jungkook find the time between finals to record a song. More importantly, what song was it? His caption that usually told the song name and gave a brief description as to why he chose the song wasn’t even there. It simply said:

           See you in a  few hours. – Golden

           You pressed the play button on the video and instantly, you felt your entire body freeze over. That song… it was…

           “Paper Hearts…” Jimin said breathlessly as the song filled all your ears. It was the song you absolutely adored. The song you always listened to before you did any dance. Jungkook was the only other person outside of Jimin, Hoseok, and Chloe who knew your love for the song. Taehyung knew about it, but he didn’t seem to care for the song. You knew Jungkook was Golden, but this just confirmed things even more.

           “What is he planning?” Chloe held her chin as she tried to make a connection as to why he would cover this song.

           “Maybe he really likes the song!” Jimin said, receiving an eyeroll from Chloe.

           “Park, are you dense? He didn’t just choose that song just because he likes it. He chose it because…” Chloe looked at you and immediately your face was red as a strawberry as you knew what she was implying.

           “How is he gonna pull this off? I’m so confused. Taehyung didn’t even tell me he planned on revealing himself tonight!” Jimin exclaimed.

           “We’re just gonna have to wait until tomorrow…” Chloe said. Jimin nodded in agreement before turning to you.

           “Good luck, Y/N! You’ll be fine…”

           “I have less than 12 hours before the final,” You frowned at him.

           “Okay, maybe you’ll be fine!” He said as he retrieved his phone from Chloe’s bed. “I gotta go prepare for my finals tomorrow so… see you guys tomorrow?”

           You both just nodded at Jimin as Chloe and you looked at Jungkook’s blog on her phone. Jimin slipped out the room as Chloe grabbed her phone from you. “I don’t know what’s going on but I’m going to bed so I can be on full on detective mode at the final tomorrow.”

           “Chloe…” You groaned. She threw you a mischievous smile as she walked inside your shared bathroom.

           “Don’t worry… I won’t expose Jungkook for being Golden. I just wanna… get some information on something else,” She smirked as she closed the door. Not knowing what she meant by “else” and your thoughts returning to your own blog, you walked over to your bed and faceplanted into the pillow. Letting out a heavy breath, you let your brain wander around for literally any idea. At this point, you were just gonna explain how your blog was blank because “simplicity is sometimes best” or something like that. Your mind drifted back to Jungkook’s cover of Paper Hearts. It was a beautiful cover and made you want to cover the song yourself. Of course, it’d be through dancing and not singing. Your vocals couldn’t handle the vocal legend that is Tori Kelly.

           …

           Suddenly, you shot up from your bed as a light bulb went off above your head. A cover! A dance cover! That was it! You could choreograph a dance to the song! It was clear as day! You’d be able to explain easily why there was only one video of you dancing on your blog – how choreographing a dance takes time just as choosing a major or creating a successful blog or any other event in life. It’s not about the quantity of the blog but the quality. Hopping out your bed, you grabbed your cellphone and room key.

           “Chloe! I will be back in the morning!”

           “Huh?” Chloe said as she stuck her head out of the bathroom door, half of her face still covered with makeup while the other half still intact. She glanced at the time on the clock. 11:59pm. “Y/N, where are you going? It’s late!”

           “Thought of what to do for my blog! I’ll be at the dance studio!” You grinned at her as you rushed out the door. Just as you slammed the door with a loud bang, the time on the clock changed to 12am.

           T-Minus 0 Days Until the CW Final.

D-Day.

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[angelkurenai]

Imagine Steve being your bodyguard and you flirting with him and trying to get him to loosen up but making him flustered.

“Please. Please! Miss (Y/l/n) won't take any more photos. That will be enough.” Bucky, one of your bodyguards, said to the fans that had piled up and were all asking for photos with you or an autograph.

“She doesn't have time for this. We would like to ask you to stop now.” Sam, another bodyguard, tried to say over the loud screaming and cheering of your name, the fans only asking for more photos and you weren't one to say no.

“That will be enough for today, (Y/n).” somehow over all the noise you could make out and be able to focus on his voice. Steve Rogers was your main bodyguard ever since you got involved with acting and he had been there through it all. If there was one person on this world you had blind faith in, that you trusted with your life 100% was him. You had come closer than you would ever admit, much less let the media know – not that the fans didn't already ship the two of you as it was, but no matter how you'd see him as more than your bodyguard or friend, the man was too professional to do anything about it. Sometimes you loved the perfect gentleman and what a sweetheart he was but sometimes it got on your nerves how proper he was and how he just refused to overstep his boundaries. Especially when all you could think about, when you saw him in that great suit giving you an adorable boyish smile, was to grab him by the tie and crash your lips to his.

“(Y/n), come on, we need to get going. We have a flight to catch.” he kept a firm voice, being the most professional he could be when others were around, but always very patient with you.

“Come on, just a couple more photos, ok? Two or three... or ten? Alright? Alright!” you gave him the most adorable smile you could and you noticed how a laugh left his lips, his head lowered as he shook it softly.

“(Y/n)” he warned in a softer voice this time, placing a hand on the small of your back as he showed your way to the car waiting for you.

“One more! One more!” you said before turning back to your fans for more autographs, grinning and laughing “Oh my gosh is that a Wonder Woman drawing you did yourself? That's so awesome!” you said in awe, signing it when she asked for an autograph.

“No more. No more photos.” Steve said firmly but the moment he took a step forward he stopped, realizing that you weren't following him anymore but more like totally ignored him and kept smiling while you talked with the fans. He sighed softly, giving you a stern look that just made you pull away and roll your eyes.

“Fine” you sighed in defeat and he smiled in victory, as you pulled away from your fans after telling them how much you loved them, and followed him as he held the door open for you to enter the car. You got inside before he followed suit, never leaving you alone even in the car. Sometimes you wished he wouldn't leave you alone even in the bedroom but you couldn't always have it your way, sadly, despite how much you wanted to see firsthand again what he hid underneath that perfect suit of his. Not that Steve Rogers wasn't already the kind of man to open a door for a lady whether he got paid for it or not. You were sure that he was a bodyguard just because he was a perfect kind of man, ready to protect anyone and be caring too.

~*~

“Sometimes, you're like a kid in a candyshop when you're around them.” Steve said with a soft smile, holding a hand out for you to hold onto as you walked up the small stairs to your private plane.

“I am also like a kid in a candyshop when I'm in a candyshop.” you giggled and he smiled that adorable smile of his that made your knees go weak, making you even more thankful for his support. You made sure to link arms with him so that he would walk next to you, sometimes he was too formal and would take his job as a bodyguard too seriously.

“That I've seen firsthand.” he nodded his head, looking at you from the corner of his eyes with a smile.

“And you are always such a bodyguard, too. Whether it's the candyshop or the fans or anything else for that matter.” you admitted with a soft sigh as you got inside the airplane “Εven around me.” you added so softly you doubted he even heard you. Or if he did, he did a good job at hiding it.

“It's still good to see how all the fame hasn't gotten in your head. I've had to-” he sighed, looking down at the beer bottle he was holding “Ι've had to see people I considered friends lose themselves to all this, they weren't the same. It felt like I lost them too, some of them quite literally-” he choked on his words but cleared his throat before he could let it affect him in front of you. Another thing you wished he'd stop was hiding his feelings or tears from others and even more you, that he'd just let you comfort him for a change for once at least, but he had been through so much in his life that you were still learning new things after 6 years of knowing him “Βattling an addiction sometimes is hard b-but when everyone else just makes it harder for you and pushes you over the edge you just lose yourself in every meaning of the word before inevitably other lose you too. I've been alone since I was 18, you know it, but this... It was something I couldn't believe, and I ended up finding myself in a place where without them around it felt like I didn't know where I was. You know, something like waking up into the future?”

“Yeah” you said in a hoarse voice “Ι know. Bucky's... He's told me a couple things.”

“Yeah, well-”he cleared his throat, putting on a brave smile on his lips “Αt least I know that you're not going to end up like that, especially as long as it is up to me. I am going to do everything it takes for you.” he said softly, looking back at you and you looked down shyly, feeling your cheeks heat up.

He cleared his throat, going back to pop open the beer bottle before speaking to you “Want anything to drink?”

“Glass of wine would be perfect. Red.” you sighed softly, sitting down on the chair to take off your heels and massage your feet 的t's going to be a long flight and then a long day of interviews.

“Why don't you take a nap? You barely slept last night.” he walked back to you with a glass of wine in one hand and a beer bottle in the other, sitting on the seat directly in front of yours.

“Would love to, but I'm sore all over.” you bit your lip, trying to keep yourself from grinning mischievously only to seem as innocent as possible before you spoke up again “I would ask you to give me a massage but I don't wanna make you blush or embarrass you to the pilot with the sounds I'll be making. I'm pretty vocal, what can I say?” you shrugged, again innocently, and a sheepish laugh left his lips.

“Shame.” he said with a hint or red on his cheeks “I'm pretty good with my hands.” and you were sure the words were just as innocent as the way he said them, in his mind at least, but not yours.

“Do tell?” you raised an eyebrow, crossing a leg over the other and of course taking notice of the way his eyes lingered on you and your legs, before he blinked and looked away slightly embarrassed “Then, what other parts of yourself are you good with other than your hands, Rogers?” you smirked, leaning back in your seat and once he understood the meaning behind your words, his wide eyes jumped up to meet yours and his lips fell apart.

“Oh oh I- I didn't- I-” he cleared his throat, looking out of the window “I meant in case you wanted a massage, that's... that's all.”

“Oh I got it crystal clear, trust me. And I'll definitely hold onto that, but maybe I'll choose a hotel room at first. Make it more private.” you winked and his eyebrows raised in surprise.

“What?” he asked in a more rough voice and all you did was laugh softly.

“Come on, Stevie!” you burst into giggles “Relax, nobody's watching now. And I'm certainly in no danger either, loosen up.” you said with a soft smile and he let out a small sigh, shaking his head with a smile as he looked outside the window once more “Don't need to be such a tight-ass all the time.”

“Language.” he muttered softly yet firmly, giving you a look that just made your grin widen before you burst in laughter and as realization set down on him, he looked down with a shake of his head.

“Did you just-” you started.

“It slipped!” he defended immediately but you still kept laughing, this time in a softer way.

“But you know what?” you whispered, only giving him a gentle smile “I love it that you have started being more of yourself around me than my loyal bodyguard. Don't get me wrong, I could never ask for a better protector than you. You're almost like- no, you are my knight in shinning armor.” the shy and incredibly sweet smile made your heart skip a beat because you saw your words meant a lot more to him than he dared say “But, you know Steve, I-” you let a soft sigh, getting up from your seat and walking towards him “I don't see you just as that.”

“What do you-” a small gasp left his lips when you sat down on his lap “What are you doing, (Y/n)?”

“Do you just see me as your boss?” you tilted your head to the side but the man only stared at you with wide eyes, holding his breath “Tell me, please. I want to now this, do you see my as only the woman you're working for?” you asked sincerely.

His baby blue eyes that always warmed your heart, moved back and forth before he finally took a deep breath and spoke up “No. No, you're much more to me.”

The way your heart leapt to your throat made it impossible for you to breathe for a moment - or were you maybe holding your breath all along? - you didn't know. All that could register in your mind was how crazy the butterflies in your stomach went. You smiled at him, a little shyly, before speaking “Then why are you so formal around me?” you tilted your head to the side “Just let me know you more... I want to.”

“I-” he started but struggled to speak for a second “I would love it too.”

“Then-” you could hardly fight your smile, your hands moving to his shoulders before you started pushing off his suit's jacket, him not doing anything to stop you as you got rid of it. Your hands moved to his tie which he had already tugged at to loosen up but you made sure to undo it and throw it next to his jacket. Last but far from least, you undid a couple buttons from his button-up shirt that in all honesty had you staring every time you looked at him. The way every shirt struggled against his chest made you lose your track of thoughts once in a while anyway.

You wrapped your around his shoulders and gave him a soft smile, whispering “Let's get to know each other better then, my lovely bodyguard.”

#avengers #avengers au #avengers imagine #avengers fanfiction #avengers one shot #avengers x reader #steve #steve rogers #steve imagine #steve rogers imagine #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #stve fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #steve one shot #steve rogers one shot #captain america #captain america imagine #captain america fanfiction #captain america one shot #captain america au #steve rogers au #stever rogers imagine au #steve rogers x reader au #steve rogers fanfiction au #steve rogers one shot au

[eloquenceassassinated]

I’m Leaving Tumblr: A Farewell to my Followers

I haven't been very active on this blog lately. If you're observant, you've probably noticed it. If I really wanted to, I could probably just leave it that way; everyone would eventually take me off their followed list as an inactive blog and absently wonder where I went. But I don't really want to do that.

In his poem “The Hollow Men,” T. S. Elliot wrote, “This is how the world ends: not with a bang, but with a whimper.” In my case, though I'm not a popular blog by any stretch, and though this arguably isn't a website that deserves the fanfare, I don't want to leave with a bang, but at least with a whisper: “Thanks for the memories. I'll be on my way now.”

To do that properly, I have to take you on a little ride. 

In my time on this website, I:

Joined tumblr in June of 2017 for the purposes of posting art.

Proceeded to not post a lot of art.

Found the Captain America, Voltron, and Ninjago fandoms on here and got swept up in those instead.

Got my first 100 notes on a post about Dr. Julien. Dabbed in celebration.

Made a post about Shiro and Bucky maybe being friends.

Bought a mug from mintmintdoodles—and liked it!

Went on a missions trip. Came back.

Reblogged a LOT of fandom stuff.

Saw Wonder Woman, which was good.

Celebrated my first Steve's Birthday—I mean Fourth of July on the site.

Made lots of Clone!Shiro theory posts. 

Made a dumb “who in Voltron likes anime?” post. 

Fell in love with Matt Holt.

Started posting “Grass Whistle”, my first multi-chapter fanfic. 

Got a job, which kinda put the kabosh on the fanfic for a bit.

Bought a print from mechinaries.

Found a bunch of my other fandoms on this site including Lord of the Rings, How to Train Your Dragon, and Hamilton.

Celebrated my first Christmas on the site. 

Participated in the Ninjago Secret Santa, where I actually got my friend Candaru's prompt and it was hilarious.

Kinda ghosted through the first winter months of 2018 as my job occupied more and more of my time. 

Resumed posting Grass Whistle in the spring of 2018 and finally finished it, to a wonderful reception.

Saw Black Panther and loved it!

Started posting “The Run and Go”, to a better reception on FF.net than this site.

Saw Thor: Ragnarok and wished we got to see that hug.

Witnessed the best season of Voltron (S6) before everything went downhill.

Went on vacation. Came back.

Wrote and posted “Brother”.

Posted art celebrating Candaru's story “Several Dead LEGOs Play Cards”.

Went on the missions trip again. Came back.

Saw Infinity War and was in DENIAL.

Reconnected with a friend with whom I'd been through a really rough patch over the past couple of years, and began to mend our friendship.

Posted a really long queue of LotR stuff for no particular reason.

Watched Voltron end; it was terrible.

Started a new year and continued to keep the blog busy with lots of queues.

Watched Alita: Battle Angel and it was AMAZING.

Posted a really long How to Train Your Dragon queue for no particular reason.

Continued to dread Endgame.

Watched Endgame. Stayed in denial.

Fell behind on Ninjago seasons.

Watched the Voltron and Ninjago blogs I follow fade into inactivity until I was left with nothing but gifs of Endgame and my own sadness.

Kept the charade going until the summer of 2019 hit and I realized that I'm doing out of obligation what should be for fun.

I don't really know how to state this in a kind way, but neither the circumstances that brought me here nor the conditions that kept me here exist any longer. This is a fandom blog, and it's a tough break when you've fallen either out of step or out of love with your fandoms. Keeping up the queue is the only way that my blog stays active on my work days, but it isn't fun. This blog stays inactive because upkeeping it is a chore—a chore that I keep putting off, and a chore that no one asked me to do.

2 Timothy 2:20-21 says, “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.”

I never really understood that. What does Paul have against common things? Does he have beef with clay? But I think I get it now—it's a simple matter of removing clutter. Cleaning out what's unnecessary so that the only things that remain are the best ones.

I'm not leaving tumblr because I have any anger against the site or any one person or fandom or whatever. I'm not leaving because something cataclysmic happened, or because I was abducted by aliens and their planet has bad wifi. I'm leaving because I've had some time to think, and I've decided that it's for my best mental health that I leave this chapter behind. Plain and simple.

Those who know me personally probably know that my prayer for 2019 has been centered around a single word: Restoration. The past few years have been hard ones for me, and it's time to rebuild and restore what's been broken. Sometimes repairing a house means tearing out the moldy walls first. Sometimes being your best self means eliminating distractions.

Because that's what these are—distractions, layered on distractions. Marvel distracted me from the real world, and Voltron distracted me between Marvel movies, and Ninjago distracted me when Voltron turned sour. When those fell through, I turned to old fandoms to distract myself. And when I finally extricated myself from that mess, made amends with some people, looked up, and faced my situation for what it is, I realized that it's not something I can maintain.

I'll still keep the blog up. I won't deactivate it, because deactivated blogs make me sad and wonder if there's some tragedy here that I don't know about. Especially since the platonic prompts post continues to make rounds, I want people to be able to come back to this blog if they wish and see what the original poster was like—someone who loves friendship in fandoms, celebrates it, and spent two years creating a safe haven of nothing but positive, pro-bromance content. If this blog was ever a safe haven for anybody, I want them to still have it available in its entirety. Even if it should never have been work, I did work hard on this. I don't want that to go to waste.

As for those I follow, there will still be some blogs that I check on from time to time—particularly the ones that my personal friends run—but I likely won't be interacting with the posts. If you know me in real life, you can still contact me through email or my fanfiction account. I'll be there.

But starting today, I'm taking the tumblr app off of my phone. I might come back sometime, but I don't see it happening. No offense or hard feelings to anybody—I'm just done for now.

If I ever made anyone smile, I think this would all be worth it. If I made someone laugh, or think, or cry, or if I inspired them to write something or draw something or create something that had never existed before, I think it would all be worth it. If I can truly say that I was a positive Christian influence in my short time here—that I touched somebody—I think it would be worth it.

After all, life isn't about followers. It's about friends. It isn't about notes. It's about whose lives you touched, whose day you made just a little bit better. And I know that all of you (except for the pornbots) are real people, and I want you to know that, to the best of my ability, I care about every single one of you. I want all of you to live happy lives, and I hope that God makes Himself very, very real to you and fills you with a love that words can't explain and a joy that our hearts can't contain and a hope that our minds can't imagine in our wildest dreams.

I wish all 119 of you well. I wish everyone who has ever crossed my path through this blog well. I hope I could make you smile. It's been fun, and I've met some great people and made some wonderful friends, and I'm glad to have been here.

Thank you to my friends. Thank you to anyone who ever liked or reblogged my art. Thank you to everyone who reblogs the platonic prompts post—it's just over 3,000 notes as I write this, which is about the size of my church, and while that isn't terribly a lot I guess it's still wild to think about.

I especially want to thank the Ninjago community for always being so enthusiastic, warm, and wholesome my whole time on this website, from giving me my first 100 notes on the Dr. Julien headcanon post just a few days into my time here to your staggering and sincere support of Grass Whistle a year later. Never stop being your wonderful selves—it was wonderful to interact with all of you.

Thanks for the memories. I mean that.

Here's a picture of one of my hermit crabs, Clover, on a tiny boat I got in Michigan. Peace out!

—Sincerely, EA

#ea speaks #mine #my writing #blog maintainence #real life #and so another chapter comes to a close #and i get way too emotional about it

[ibangtanthings]

Fake Love - pt 6

"Here." He placed a coffee on the desk.

Drinks weren't allowed near the computers or equipment but he was breaking his own rules.

"It's a thank you for helping me the other night when I was dying." He said.

"Ahh, thanks. I needed this." You held the cup between your sweater paws and moved to the couch.

There was a clear awkwardness in the air, but it was minimal. Nowadays it didn't feel so weird being around him. He seemed to be opening up. He actually made small talk occasionally.

"You didn't sleep well?" He asked.

"There was a couple arguing all night....They were really loud."

"What were they arguing about?" He asked, seemingly amused.

You looked at him. Was he really curious about something like this?

He scratched the back of his head. "It was over something stupid right? People in relationships provide stupid entertainment sometimes."

"It was pointless." You agreed. "One suspected the other of cheating. Once it gets to that point, there's no need to keep each other tied up. The endless fighting...it's so annoying."

He nodded. "What are they holding on to?...It's like a seesaw game that never ends. Not until one of them finally gives up."

"That's a good metaphor."

"Maybe I'll turn it into a song..."

"Maybe you should."

_______

"Your girlfriend?" You were a bit surprised but not that alarmed. It was Jungkook after all.

"Don't you see how natural this is?" His fingers curled in between yours. "How natural this always was? How could you not fall in love with your best friend?"

You stared at your hands intertwined.

He was right.

You two were always near each other, as if it was somehow necessary.

It was just the way you two were.

Being around him always felt right. Weirdly enough, you sought each other out a lot but that's what best friends do right?

Everyone had a best friend growing up, perhaps more than one, but Jungkook felt like the best of them all.

At the same time, he was more than that. He was the only person to just get you. There was no awkward getting to know each other phase. He just understood everything about you so easily.

He was your best friend and soulmate by definition.

Realizing this was a huge however.

You wondered if this was the type of love that people said lasted forever. Was he, the one? Did you really fall in love with your best friend?

Is this what that kind of love was supposed to feel like? Not overwhelming but natural.

Was it supposed to feel simple and genuine, as if it was always present from the start?

Admittedly throughout your time with him, there had been a few instances in which you found him making your heart flutter. On the other hand, it wasn't something you thought about too deeply.

You figured it was a normal occurrence with someone you felt so close to. You felt close to all of them but Jungkook was just...different.

You didn't remember how your romantic relationship began but it started making sense.

Jungkook knew everything about you after all.

A lingering fear and hurt still resided in your heart from your previous relationship with ****. A relationship you preferred to forget, if at all possible, but Jungkook knew about it.

He was the only one that knew about it. You trusted him with your life. At this point there were no secrets between the two of you.

Hopefully he knew just how much you cared.

You didn't know for sure if Jungkook was the one, although, you couldn't help but come to terms with the fact that it was entirely possible.

Jungkook somehow got under your skin. Of all people, he made you fall in love....

It seemed like the strangest yet most sensible thing.

Jungkookie...

The guy who would tease and annoy you somtimes was just Jungkook now, the guy who was able to comfort you when you felt so small and dumb. The guy who made sure to check up on you every few hours. The guy who could make you laugh wholeheartedly but also someone you could have deep conversations with.

Now he was looking at you with those not so innocent eyes, telling you how normal this all is.

You hated romance in the cheesy sense, but if he made up some terrible pet name then you wouldn't mind hearing it come from him.

Why were you so blind to his feelings in the first place?

You felt like a bad friend for not seeing it sooner. For not understanding his feelings as they were manifesting themselves right in front of your eyes.

You smiled. "Well, people always say that if you end up with your best friend then you're one of the lucky ones...I'll admit, the idea of us being together crossed my mind occasionally...at random times but that's normal between best friends right? It wasn't something I thought about too often, but I never outright hated the idea either."

"That's exactly why we agreed to try it out...." His eyes lit up but then he became more serious. "...When you disappeared, I thought you left me and everything else behind. I blamed myself for doing too much, or for not doing enough. I thought things were going well." He stroked your cheek with his thumb. "I thought you were happy...You can't force emotions like that. I know you loved me."

He thought you were faking it, and left. How heartbroken he must have been. That why he hesitated when he walked in.

He didn't know what to do.

The way he was looking at you now, the way he was holding your face in his hand, it all felt new. It felt real.

You liked staring into his eyes, confirming all his sincerity.

"Why would you think I was capable of doing that to you? I don't remember us being together together, but I trust you more than anyone else. I care about you more than anyone else." You sat up and reached for his hand again.

"I've always felt the same way...but the night you went missing...I thought the worst of you." He said, feeling a bit ashamed. His eyes wandered away a bit. "I thought you left because of that other guy..."

He was biting his lips now and you knew he was still upset. Not at you anymore but at himself.

"Hey," You squeezed his hand. "He has nothing to do with us. If anything, as a friend, you've helped me move on. I'm sure that as more than a friend, you also helped me move on from him. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize this but I'm more sorry that I don't remember us."

"We can start over. We can take things slow."

You smirked. "Look at us. We're sharing a bed and it's not the first time. I remember our late night gaming sessions."

"I haven't even touched our games since you left...but one of those nights, things changed. That was when we began an official relationship." He recalled.

"Really?" You listened attentively.

"We probably drank too much but I think the alcohol made us brave."

"How so?"

"We talked for a bit. It started getting chilly so I gave you my sweater."

You couldn't help but smirk. "A real gentleman."

"I was shivering but then you looked at me and said I was getting more handsome everyday."

You laughed. "No way."

"You did!" He pouted as he spoke. "After a while there was no space between us...just like now..............I leaned in.............like this." He said, reenacting that night. He was staring at your lips as he got closer.

"Jungkook..." You said anxiously and he smiled.

"Right, that's exactly what you said..so I stopped. Like I said, we can take it slow." He leaned back.

You couldn't help but ask. "Did we.....?....um..."

Suddenly he became smug. "Do the devil's tango together?"

You sighed, blushing bright red and he started cracking up.

"No, no. What do you take me for?"

"No, I'm just confused about...." You sighed. "I need to be completely honest with you first."

"Okay, tell me. What are you thinking?"

"I know I had a slight, tiny crush on Yoongi. One I never acted upon or even acknowledge most of the time...You know, maybe it was because I worked with him a lot, I probably just wanted to get closer to him............You know how he was before, he hated me. If I agreed to be your girlfriend then most likely I was over it, 100%, but it was something I remembered and thought you should know."

He nodded but he seemed disappointed. "I know. We talked about it...but there's something you need to know."

"What?" You asked worriedly.

He sighed. "You might be surprised but if you really think about it, you won't be surprised at all..."

Lost, you looked at him expectantly.

"Yoongi didn't renew his contract. The deadline was a few weeks ago and he didn't sign the new contract."

It took you a moment to process what he said.

Even then, you didn't believe it.

Yoongi wasn't into the whole fame and fortune thing but music was his life. He liked working on Bangtan's music.

All things aside, objectively watching him as a professional, it was clear how much he loved to work as a producer.

He never came off as the type to disregard the impact this would have on everyone; the guys, the fans.

"He didn't renew?...." You repeated, attempting to make sense of it but to no avail. "Why? How? How could he do that?"

"I don't know what's going to happen next but I think Bang PD will try to talk to him. He might try to persuade him to sign."

"I want to talk to him. Maybe I can persuade him to change his mind, I don't know, do something." You said.

"He doesn't want to deal with anyone right now. It was always obvious he never really had his heart in Bangtan."

"But anyone with a heart wouldn't turn their back on their fans. Making music, it's something that you can't just let go of either." You explained.

Sure, you didn't feel super close to Yoongi but you just knew how he felt about music.

Jungkook could only understand a parallel of how much music means to you, and to Yoongi.

Jungkook loved singing but he was still learning to create music from scratch. Yoongi had that undeniable passion for making music that you understood, because that feeling was the sole reason you became a producer in the first place.

"Well he did, and he's screwing all of us over at the same time."

This was the end, wasn't it?

"No. Sad as it is, your career is far from over. You would do great as a solo artist and Bang PD wouldn't let you go even if you wanted to." You answered.

He shook his head. "That's a conversation for another time. Let's not talk about this now. I don't want you to worry. Get some rest so you can recover quickly."

He laid back again.

"How can I not worry? How can I not be sad? I want things to be okay. You guys are my life now."

"They will be. If not, you still have me."

"What about everything and everyone else?"

"Don't cry..." He whispered. "Don't cry because of him. You're tired. Just listen to my voice. Even if this is the end, I will always keep singing just for you. I'll try my hardest to make you happy."

You were surprised by his words. Being consoled by him was a relatively new feeling.

You weren't embarrassed anymore...and actually liked this new side of him. You could almost believe him.

You hid your face in his side and quietly let the tears roll down your cheeks as he started humming. His hand rubbed your back and he began singing some of the covers he recorded before with your help.

After that moment you confirmed your feelings for him because you needed him more than ever, and he needed you.

The both of you were about to lose the thing you loved the most.

It was instant how desperate you became to keep him by your side.

He was trying to be strong about this and his first priority was you.

If he broke down then you would do anything to ease his pain, he knew that...or at least you wanted him to know.

Only for tonight you would be selfish and let him baby you.

Only for that night did you allow yourself to feel the pain of fear and uncertainty hanging above your head.

_____

You woke up before him.

The nurse came in quietly and checked your vitals. You just stared at Jungkook sleeping so soundly, it was hard too look away.

Angry tears rolled down your cheeks. A part of you felt bad for him, but you didn't understand why.

You went to the bathroom and washed up before breakfast came around. He would surely wake up if he smelled food with his sensitive sense of smell.

In the meantime you began to pack, absolutely sure that you would be discharged that day.

Thankfully Jungkook left his phone on the side table so you quickly reached for it. To be safe, you locked yourself in the bathroom.

Yoongi's number wasn't in his contacts anymore but you had memorized it a while ago.

"How much longer are you going to torture us? Let me see her. Let me see her you sick fu-" He answered but you interrupted him.

"Yoongi." You breathed, breaking down.

"Y/N?" He said, surprised to hear your voice. "Y/N, where are you exactly? I'm coming right now. Don't hang up."

You heard someone yell after him but his footsteps were already echoing loudly through the phone as he ran through the halls.

"On the sixth floor. Room 509. He's here with me. Yoongi please don't hurt him. I just want to go home."

"They're going to try to arrest me. Get out of the room. You can help me explain everything." He was breathing rapidly as he sprinted up the stairs.

You rushed out of the bathroom and grabbed your things.

Jungkook began stirring awake and with the commotion that began to build outside, you knew Yoongi was only a few seconds away.

You weren't scared. Jungkook wouldn't do anything if he caught you trying to leave. He would never make you fearful but despite his actions, he's only made you worry.

It always took him a while to come to his senses when he's waking up so you just remained calm and placed his phone back on the small table besides him.

Then you walked out of the room, colliding into Yoongi's arms.

"Thank God you remembered." He breathed, and you could feel his heart pounding. He held you so tightly it almost hurt but you didn't care.

That moment was so surreal and you felt how serious the situation was then. No longer did you sympathize with Jungkook who seemed like a lost kid, making dumb mistakes.

He became someone capable of hurting the ones he loved the most.

Seeing Yoongi in such a state was heartbreaking.

"I can't believe this happened." You whimpered. "I can't believe he went that far.

He held you closer than ever. "It's over. I'm here. You're okay now. I never thought I'd be able to say I love you again. I thought you forgot about us."

You sobbed into his arms, apologizing uselessly and the cops stopped in there tracks as soon as they saw you guys together.

"Miss, are you sure that this man is your boyfriend? Your guardian specifically stated he was not allowed near you for safety purposes." The officer said.

"My guardian is the one who shouldn't be near me. I can explain everything. Please let my friends come upstairs too."

The doctor finally showed up, short of breath from trying to catch up.

"Get us a room and keep him away from us." Yoongi said sternly.

"Sign here." The doctor looked at everyone with a shocked look on his face. He was definitely flustered. "It's a form that changes guardianship."

You quickly took it from his hands and just then Jungkook rushed out of the room.

"Y/N." He said, only looking at you, only focusing on you and nothing or no one else. "What are you doing?" He stepped forward.

You squeezed Yoongi's hand, warning him, pleading that he wouldn't do anything, that he wouldn't react. If at any time you wished for him to read your mind, it was then.

Somehow he stayed frozen in place. Somehow he got the message.

When Jungkook stepped closer, you fell to the floor, scared that he would even dare touch your hand.

That's all it took for the cops to confirm that Jungkook needed to be kept away from you.

Jungkook didn't look at Yoongi, at the doctor, or at the cops. His eyes held yours as you got up again, but his expression was that of pure agony.

"Y/N, don't leave me." He said. "No, you can't do this. Y/N, listen to me."

You couldn't look away from his teary eyes but you never squeezed someone's hand so tight. Yoongi squeezed back, placing his other hand on the small of your back reassuringly.

"Y/N he lied to you. He broke your heart. I saw it in your eyes. I swear on everything that I will never hurt you. Y/N, remember what you said about us. Y/N, PLEASE." He begged.

"Y/N." Yoongi spoke and you finally tore your gaze away from Jungkook who was now being escorted away.

Yoongi's strength was the only thing keeping you upright. He even covered your ears.

You couldn't find the words to say how heartbroken you were that this was all happening. That your best friend was the cause of this mess.

Everything you had just convinced yourself of being true was pure bullshit and he let you believe it.

You were too distraught to sign anything. Yoongi was trying to calm you down but it wasn't until the rest of the guys showed up that you felt surrounded by a shield of protection from hurt again. They were there for you at a moment when you needed them the most.

"Sign it. We can go home after the doctor confirms that you're okay." Yoongi assured you.

You nodded and signed the paper. It felt like you were signing away your friendship with Jungkook. It was the beginning of the end with him.

The guys stayed by your side as the doctor did his routine check up. After an hour or so, the rest of the paperwork was filled out, mostly by Yoongi.

There was silence as they walked you to the van. There was silence when you arrived home with Yoongi.

There was silence for a few days as you slipped into a depression that made you feel lifeless.

Yoongi understood that you needed time but he never left your side and you didn't want him to.

You remembered how it was before with him. Sometimes words weren't necessary. Just being by his side was more than any comfort in the world.

He cared for you in more ways than you were used to. He cooked and cleaned, and he even took extra time out of his schedule just to stay home a few more hours a day.

You would just lie in bed or on the couch, watching old movies that didn't have much substance to them.

It felt wrong that a few days ago you were in Jungkook's arms, admitting that you had feelings for him.

"....Where is Jungkook?...." You asked quietly one night at the dinner table.

Yoongi looked up from his plate, surprised to hear you speak about him for the first time since the hospital.

"Bang PD sent him home for a few months."

You didn't say anything else. Obviously the company made some excuse as to why the group was pushing back the comeback date.

Still....Yoongi didn't bring up the fact that he didn't renew the contract. Last thing you remembered was that you guys saw things differently on his decision not to renew.

"I don't know how to begin explaining what happened in that room." You felt your lips tremble.

"Then don't. What matters now is clearing things up. Ask me anything. Do you remember everything?"

"I remember everything." You assured him.

"So you remember how disappointed you were with me?" He avoided your gaze as he asked you that.

"I don't blame you for doing what you think is best. I feel like I wasn't supportive enough. Bangtan is over now. I have to get used to it."

"Do you still love me?" He watched your eyes carefully now.

"Of course I do....I just don't know what's wrong. He broke something in me."

"I'm sorr-"

"Don't apologise....and don't ask me if I still love you. You did nothing wrong."

"I just needed confirmation. You look at me differently."

"I know........He made me realize that there are still walls between us. There are things I haven't told you. Things I've always been too scared to talk about."

"That's a relief." He stated.

"A relief? What do you mean?"

"It means you still want to seem perfect to me. As long as you still love me, you'll keep feeling that way."

You thought about it and he was right. For the first time since leaving that hospital you felt something else besides shame.

"Is it the same for you?"

He nodded. "I try really hard to seem perfect but I failed many times already..."

You almost laughed. "No.....Think about it this way...in my eyes, I messed up more than you have. You're still pretty perfect."

"It's okay if you need time to tell me everything. I know this isn't a trust issue thing. I understand you. We're more alike that you think."

His words made you feel more comfortable again.

You guys cleaned up and got ready for bed. He was excited to show you a few things that you had missed in regards to the company, the general population and songs he's been working on.

He was still giving it his all these last few months and it was his way of thanking his fans.

"Was it hard? Waiting for me this whole time..." You asked, wondering how crazy it must have been for him.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I was losing my mind. No one knew where you were for weeks. The company found out that you were in the hospital only after Jungkook did. I rushed right over but he made sure no one was allowed to see you."

"I woke up that morning...and I remembered everything. To be honest it was overwhelming. It's like I fell in love with you and found out you quit all at once. Then I realized what he did to me and...." Stupid tears brimmed your eyes.

"The people closest to you can hurt you the most. Everyone knows that. He knew that, and he didn't care. He was never your friend in the first place. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you won't feel hurt anymore."

"It's hard to think about it that way. He was my friend before you were."

"I could say the same thing and look at how fast his loyalty disappeared."

"That's true." You felt a bit of your self-pity diminish.

"There's a lot I haven't told you. I don't want you to feel guilty for hiding stuff from me. It's normal. You don't have to tell me all your darkest secrets and thoughts right away. The only thing this should tell you is that you're still processing whatever happened."

"I guess I'm also embarrassed when it comes to explaining the stupid things that have happened to me. It's hard for us to have deep conversations in the first place. We don't like to show weakness."

"We're not perfect. We can only try to be vulnerable sometimes."

"Tell me something. Tell me something about you that you've been hiding. I'll do the same."

"You go first." He tried to switch it on you.

You contemplated telling him your whole reason for being there in the first place but it was too heavy of a topic to bring up now.

"Something embarrassing?" You asked.

"The most embarrassing." He smirked.

You inhaled and felt your eyebrows furrow in a worry.

"I'm being sarcastic." He pulled you onto his lap and you shook your head.

"No, I'm not going to chicken out. Let me think."

He seemed amused but you told him not to laugh no matter what.

"Let me think too." He said, getting ready to be just as vulnerable.

You took a deep breath and finally looked into his eyes.

"Min Yoongi...." You began.

He sat there attentively.

"When you go to sleep....."

His eyes began squinting with each word that came out of your mouth.

"I take a picture of you because I think you look really cute."

"That's it?" He asked with a chuckle. "...I guess you lost all those pictures then huh? I'll get you a new phone tomorrow."

"You don't think it's weird?"

He placed his hand on your cheek and shook his head. "I do the same."

"What?!" You exclaimed. "No way. Let me see your phone."

He laughed wholeheartedly and admitted that he was just kidding.

"I don't look pretty to you when I'm drooling or what?" You asked, feeling the embarrassment now.

"Of course you do. I live in front of the camera so using it just feels weird to me. I'd rather look at you with my own eyes. Do you want to hear my secret now?"

"Mhm." You forgot your own embarrassment and got excited to hear what he had to say. You had to remind yourself to take him seriously because that's what this was about. Being vulnerable and getting closer.

"Y/N......this is embarrassing only because I haven't really known how to initiate things between us."

"Initiate things?" You repeated.

"I think you're so pretty.... that sometimes I have to hide how excited you make me feel.....if you understand what I'm referring to."

"Even at work?" You asked, watching his cheeks get red.

"Yeah....." He admitted. "Even at work sometimes."

You giggled and hid your face in his neck, unable to make eye contact. There was a tiny silence as you thought of how to respond.

"Well.....it's not that hard to just initiate something....I mean we are together...and I'm not opposed to sex before marriage or anything like that....You know that I'm not a virgin, and I know that you aren't either.....we're both adults here...and I obviously see you in the same way..." You were rambling but it gave him time to think.

"I know it's dumb. I'm not the type to shy away from these sort of things."

You sat up again and met his eyes. "Then what makes you so hesitant with me?"

"You're so fucking beautiful Y/N." He said, almost as if he was complaining.

You felt your breath hitch and your heart race.

"I don't think I can handle rejection well from you." He chuckled.

"You have a lot of pride." You laughed as you straddled him.

"Be careful." He warned.

"I'm not doing anything." You stated. "Pride looks good on you...."

"Apparently it turns you on." He teased.

"I'm not turned on." You laughed. "I just think it's good that we talk about this."

"Alright......music or no music?" He asked.

"Doesn't matter to me. If there is music I like it really low." You replied.

"Same....What about dirty talk?"

"It makes me laugh if it's not at the right moment."

"Is that a bad thing though?" He joked.

"Laughing during sex? No." You giggled. "Mmm....what about whips and chains?"

"Are you into that?!" He seemed surprised.

"No." You laughed. "But I do like being submissive...make me feel small. Make me feel like you're the one in charge."

"That I can do." He assured. "I like talking to you like this. You scared me these past few days. I finally got you back but you were so quiet."

"I was scared but now I'm not....I hate crying in front of you. I hate when you see me as a weak person. That embarrasses me the most."

"I never think of you as a weak person. You're the opposite of that actually. It's why I started liking you in the first place. You're not afraid to speak your mind and defend your opinion."

"We're both stubborn like that." You shrugged.

He exhaled. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

___________

#bts fanfics #bts fanfictions #bts fics #yoonkook fanfic #bts fluff #bts angst #bts au #bts fan fictions

[xiaomomowrites]

mother knows best [oneshot]

100 Prompts: Advice Attack on Titan | Eremika

Summary: "Watch out for the smooth talkers," the young Ackerman wondered why her mom was even telling her this as a child. Nevertheless, Mikasa grew up believing the charming, romantic fellows were the real chumps. "They know exactly what to say, and how to say it to get you wrapped around their finger."

A/N: bc seriously honestly sometimes I wonder how Mikasa would react if Eren was actually sweet towards her. Also I apologize if my understanding of military leave/discharge is incorrect. Although I can’t stand inaccuracies, I just couldn’t figure it out heh. Anyway enjoy! Review!! I love to hear what you think.

Find this story on Fanfiction.net | {levi-nii-san}

--

For as long as Mikasa could remember, there was one piece of advice her mother used to tell her all the time. It was quite obscure, for she was young, and she never quite understood before why her mom emphasized it so much.

But whenever she would see some cheesy commercial for a film where a man wore a confident smile and knew exactly what to say, Mrs. Ackerman would brush her daughter’s hair out of her face and made sure she knew: “watch out for the smooth talkers.”

Or perhaps it was a corny children’s fairytale book, or a charming young musician on the streets with a fancy lute and the voice of an angel. Regardless, Mikasa indeed grew up believing the romantic fellows were the real chumps.

And when she asked why as she got older, she learned it was: “because they’ve had experience talking to too many girls. They know exactly what to say, and how to say it to get you wrapped around their finger. It’s always the awkward, nervous ones that are the most sincere.”

“I've had many suitors when I was a teenager,” young Mikasa wondered why her mom was even telling her this as a child. “Many of them were such corny ‘Prince Charmings’ who were so experienced with sweeping me off of my feet. Well, let me tell you something, dear: they were always only after one thing.”

When eight-year-old Mikasa asked what it was, her mother just gave her a look, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“What about dad?” she asked innocently.

“Oh, your father was so awkward, I almost felt sorry for him!” the woman chuckled.

“Thanks, dear,” her father responds sarcastically.

“But look at him, he loves me with all his heart. And he only ever said it when he truly meant it, not when he just wanted something from me.” her mother finished, giving her husband a kiss on the forehead. Mikasa smiled happily.

Alas, Mrs. Ackerman never got to tell Mikasa what it was that those smooth-talking men were after. But after joining the military and being exposed to a bunch of hormonal teenagers, she got the idea.

Eleven years later, the world was once again kind to the idea of settling down and having a family. Mikasa sat in the mess hall at the ripe age of 19, and the memory of her mother’s advice had crossed her mind when Jean stood in front of her- shoulders hunched, cheeks tinged pink, and words sitting on the tip of his tongue.

“Uh hi,” Jean told her ungracefully.

“Hey.”

“So, um, can I have a word with you?”

“Sure, what's up?” He looked like he was ready to eat his own ass.

He shifted uncomfortably. “I have to tell you something.” She nodded slowly. “I should tell you something.”

“Okay, shoot,” she turned to give him her undivided attention, and if anything it probably just made him even more nervous. She watched him, concerned. Maybe it was Armin or Eren related. So she was surprised when he said, a little too quickly:

“Well, I uhh…” he started clumsily, “…I-I think you fight well. I mean, I’m sure you already know that. You could be better though, but I mean, there’s always room to improve, even if you’re really smart and skilled.”

“You wanted to criticize my fighting?” she looked at him funny.

“No, no!” he began to panic, waving his hands in front of him as she tried not to laugh at the distressed man before her.

“Go on,” she urged.

“Ugh okay, um- I really like you, Mikasa. When I first met you I, I don't know, I just...you're so pretty, and so dedicated and, ugh, I probably look really stupid to you right now.”

Mikasa smiled and almost felt sorry for the kid. He was way past stumbling over his words.

“Thank you,” she suppressed a giggle, and he choked a little at how adorable she sounded. The sound of Mikasa Ackerman laughing was not a very common phenomenon after all. “And no, you don’t look stupid.”

“O-oh, okay, uh,” he tried to continue, his words spilling out faster than he intended. “I hope it’s not weird or anything- not that it should be. Awkward maybe. I mean, I’m feeling pretty awkward...fuck.”

“Jean,” she laughed. “Relax. What is it?”

The young man took a deep breath and began slowly, “But...I think we’ve known each other for such a long time, and we’ve been through thick and thin together. I’ve seen you at your worst, and what I felt for you from the start hasn’t gone away.” Jean’s ears were heating up so much, he felt like his hair would catch on fire any minute now. He suddenly realized that his hands were just awkwardly at his side and he started tapping one foot on the ground in sheer apprehension.

“I think...I love you.” he finished, refusing to look her in the eye. Mikasa smiled softly, but her lack of enthusiasm had given him an unsettling feeling.

“That's sweet, Jean.”

He sighed, “But?”

Her smile faltered, “I can't.”

“Why not?”

“I just can't love anyone like that,” she gestured for him to sit across from her at the table, since he seemed like he was about to pass out after that whole speech. “It’s never been something I bothered with. Relationships, I mean. It’s just...not me.”

He looked at her, seeing right through the lies. “Not you huh?”

“Yeah,” she, but she was able to maintain eye contact. “I don’t think I would be the best person to want to pursue a romantic relationship with.”

“Even after the war is over?” he asked her, and it was her turn to avoid eye contact. “Even after there’s nothing else that’s holding you back besides yourself?”

“Don’t assume things, Jean.” she warned, and the man sighed in defeat.

“Then don’t lie to me,” he told her softly, “you love Jeager.”

“What?” She seemed more surprised than anything. “He's not- I'm...he's family.” She blushed, and it reminded them both of when she was a teenager who was completely in denial.

“Cut the bullshit, Mikasa, you’ve been saying that since we were 15 and everyone knows it.” She looked at him warningly, afraid to tell him not to talk to her like that despite being correct. It was hard for her to say anything when she had backed herself into a corner.

He sighed again, guilt washing over him as he observed her conflicted countenance. “Look, I just wanted you to know, okay? It was awkward and scary as hell, but in case you wonder if you’re ever enough, I...I think you are.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Nah don't be. Jeager is a lucky idiot.” The soldier laughed. “At least now I have the closure to move on.”

“Hm,” she hummed in response. “Thank you.”

“Thank you?” he scoffed, “for what?”

Mikasa ran a stressed hand through her hair, unable to clarify. “Thanks for understanding.”

“No problem,” Jean stood up, giving her small wave as he walked off. “Take care, Mikasa.”

--

It wasn’t very long after the war ended that Mikasa decided she might want to do something else with her life. As much as Armin was their third musketeer, he already had, without hesitation, decided there was more to his own story than remaining in the military just because his best friends did.

They were given two weeks of military leave after the war was officially over,  to relax and decide if they still wanted to remain employed by the military. So for two agonizing weeks, the young soldier was torn between staying for him, and leaving to start new somewhere else.

She started her two weeks with Armin back in the Shiganshina district, helping him get settled into a new house. Then her second week was spent with Eren at a beach house. Though the former didn’t exactly help her case, since he insisted she should definitely go find her happiness somewhere else.

Despite the fact that Mikasa decided that Armin was right, the decision was still up in the air, and she just refused to grab it. Even after picking up her papers for military discharge, she was still full of hesitation. She sat in her rented room, a stack of papers in her lap staring back up at her.

“Hey,” he walks in without knocking.

“Hi.”

“So you’re not staying,” he tells her, eyeing the papers labeled 'discharge’ on her lap, though it was more of a question. She remained silent, but he understood. “I’m not going to make you stay. Hell, I didn’t even tell you to join in the first place.”

“Ah, yeah yeah, I know.”

“No, I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” he told her gently, and it was new. She had expected him to finish his sentence by berating her yet again about how she had fucked herself over and irritated him endlessly by following him into the military.

“If you want to go,” he looked her in the eye and she stumbled over her heart. “I’m not going to stop you.”

“Hm. So how was Stohess?” she changed the subject. While Mikasa was with Armin, Eren started his two weeks in the inner wall, as Historia had requested he stay for awhile to celebrate and be honored.

“Mmm, boring,” he answered, sitting himself at the edge of her bed and laying down, hands supporting his head like a pillow. “It was a whole week of listening to a bunch of stuck up aristocrats telling me that I did a great job.”

“What was wrong with that?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed and scooted himself up so that he was beside her, and started fidgeting with the end of her scarf. “The war had just ended, and everything was still so fresh. It was too soon, I guess. Maybe it would have been nice to have that week just to myself to think about everything we’ve been through.”

“I understand,” she stroked his hair and he leaned into her touch. Mikasa smiled at his reaction to her act of physical contact. “We never really got the time to grieve properly.”

“Exactly, that’s why I came here after.” Eren agreed as his eyelids began to feel heavy. “Oh, and I had to dress up and everything.”

Mikasa laughed. “Didn’t you like all the attention?”

“Yeah, it was nice I suppose. But I never did what I did for the recognition.”

“So what did you do it for, then?” she already knew the answer: vengeance, spitefulness, pure hatred. But maybe somewhere along the line his answer might have changed.

“For mom, duh.”

“Oh.” she responded, “And for humanity?”

“I mean, humanity fucking hated me for a hot minute, so...” he trailed off. She laughed softly and he looked up at her with a smile. “I also did it for you.”

The young woman felt her heart stutter. “For me?”

“Yeah. Well I mean, not at first, when I was an angry 15-year-old idiot with a one track mind,” the shifter laughed. He shifted so that he laid his head on her lap and she welcomed him naturally. “But after a while, I guess my motives changed or whatever. I saw how I almost lost you and Armin and I realized, what am I really fighting for? What was I really fighting to keep safe?”

“Did you figure it out?”

“Of course.” he looked up at her. “I thought a lot about how you were always there for me when we were apart. So I vowed to fight to keep us both alive, so that we can have a happy ending too. I didn't really want to tell you back then because I didn't need you throwing yourself in harm's way for me any more than you already did. But you were a big reason I kept fighting, Mikasa. Especially after it got really hard to want to keep going. Because I love you.”

She smiled, “I love you too.”

He sat up and suddenly she felt how close he was to her. “No, I mean...I love you.” He lifted her chin so that she was looking at him, and he almost laughed at how adorable she was. He had never quite seen the notorious and self-assured Mikasa look so vulnerable and flustered.

He looked down at her lips.

“I love you, Mikasa,” he repeated and amusement filled him from head to toe when he realized he probably broke her. “Thank you for being there for me since the beginning. And...you know, now that it's all over, the only thing that seems right is to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Mikasa’s heart simultaneously slowed down and sped up, as the realization of his confession slowly caught on. She only seemed to understand what was going on when he leaned down and gently pressed his lips onto hers, hoping she would meet him halfway.

It was strange, Mikasa thought, as she replayed both memories in her head side by side. Jean, who had supposedly been infatuated with her since the beginning, had done exactly what her mother had told her was sincere and honest. Meanwhile, Eren’s smooth, flawless declaration of his love for her had her thinking.

So when she clumsily pulled back and let an awkward question slip through her lips, they both found themselves confused and quite shocked.

“...What?”

It took him a minute to process her question, due to how ridiculous it just seemed to him.

Mikasa appeared to tense up nervously. She felt awkward and embarrassed enough to ask once, she really didn’t want to ask again. So she took a deep breath and repeated herself, “Have you been with other girls?”

Eren seemed to get it this time, but it still seemed so absurd. “Mikasa, we grew up together, don’t you think you would have known? What kind of question is this?”

“My...my mom used to tell me when I was younger: that if someone confessed to me so flawlessly and smoothly it's probably because he's had lots of experience with other girls. You know, like he knows what to say and how to say it so I’ll give him what he wants.”

“I see,” Eren pulled back, both amused and also a little bewildered.

The dark-haired girl continued, “And if he's all awkward it's probably because he's sincere and hasn't had much experience trying to get into bed with many women.”

“Ah,” he nodded in understanding, and kept his gaze on her.

“You just seemed so sure of yourself; Jean looked like he was about to explode when he told me he loved me too.”

He let it all sink in and waited a moment before telling her, “Well no, I've never been involved with anyone. It was never the right time and I never really cared for that crap before.”

“And you do now?”

“Yeah,” he answered without hesitation, his soft but intense gaze was making her melt. “I do.”

“Stop looking at me like that,” she turned away, blushing, “it's weird.”

“You're the one asking weird questions,” he chuckled, moving some hair behind her ear.

He thought it was cute how awkward she was being about this whole thing. “I’m not experienced with talking to girls, Mikasa. I’m just comfortable around you.” He settled into her lap again and played with her hair. “You feel like home to me. There’s no need for all the butterflies in my stomach, sweaty palms, foot stuck in my mouth crap. In fact, it’s the opposite, I feel more relaxed around you, and that’s how I know I love you.”

“Okay,” she blushed immensely at her lame answer.

But before Eren could make fun of her for it, his eyes shot open as he realized something, “Also, what do you mean Jean told you he loves you?!”

#eren #jeager #mikasa #ackerman #eremika #fanfiction #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #Jean Kirschstein #oneshot

[noona-clock]

Study: Choi Seunghyun

In which we dig deeper under the surface of our favorite KPOP idols.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the gifs used in this post. I am not an astrologer nor am I a professional psychologist. These are my opinions based on the research I have done personally/as a hobby. If you disagree with any of these statements, please do so respectfully.

-Admin B

Sun Sign: Scorpio (Water)

Scorpios are known for being kind of deep, twisted individuals. The sign is ruled by Pluto, the God of the Underworld, so Scorpios tend to have a dark side. This is true of Seunghyun; he’s said many times before his mind has always been a tangle of thoughts. He’s struggled with self-confidence, and his thoughts have been dark and melancholic because of this. Scorpios have a lot going on in their minds, for sure, and they’re also really good at letting people only see a certain side of them. This most definitely applies to Seunghyun. He’s a master at only showing VIPs his funny, wacky, crazy side. He’s said before making people laugh is a defense mechanism against his deep, dark thoughts, and this is his Scorpio shining through. But because they do have a lot going on in their minds, Scorpios tend to be very imaginative and creative. Seunghyun very frequently writes his own lyrics for BigBang songs and his solo songs, and his music videos (especially Doom Dada, my personal favorite) show just how much of an imaginative, deep thinker he is. Being creative is also a way for him to deal with his emotions since Scorpios are known for being guarded and reserved. 

Scorpios are also frequently seen as unapproachable; their symbol is the Scorpion, after all. Seunghyun’s sheer handsomeness can make him unapproachable, but he does definitely give off that guarded and reserved air. Since Scorpio is a water sign, this means Seunghyun is very emotional, but he’s also more likely to hide his emotion. It’s a lot easier for him to express his emotion through creativity.

Besides all of the dark, emotional aspects of the Scorpio sign, they are also know to be very loyal, kind, and extremely loving individuals. Seunghyun is truly one of the kindest and most loving idols I know of, even if he’s not the best at showing it. He will reply to fans on Instagram who are having a hard time with the sweetest, most caring words, and you can tell he’s really taken the time to think about what might help them. He’s even found a picture of a middle-aged man VIP at one of their North American concerts and commented on it, thanking him for being a fan! I will never forget when that happened because it really touched me. Scorpios also value family, and this is so, so true. He loves his parents and his sister more than anything, and he’s such an amazing uncle to his nephew.

Scorpio is one of the most interesting signs to me; it reminds me a lot of Aquarius, my own sign, and it’s a water sign like Cancer, my moon sign. I think this is why I feel I can relate to Seunghyun so much.   

(P.S. Scorpios are universally known to be the sexiest signs. And I have to say this applies to Seunghyun 100%. Have you seen him?)

Moon Sign: Aries (Fire)

Aries is known to be one of the more loving and caring signs, though sometimes they’re not sure how to express just how much they love you. As I mentioned when talking about Seunghyun’s Scorpio side, he is one of the most caring and loving idols out there, but he does have trouble expressing his emotions - which is why he does so through his creative works. He shows VIPs how much we mean to him by creating amazing songs, music videos, and sharing the artworks he loves. He lets us into his world a little bit, and this is such a huge way of showing he cares. Aries can be very protective of themselves, which can make them seem emotionally detached sometimes, but when they love someone, they really love them. So the fact Seunghyun lets us into his art world, one he’s so very passionate about and one which means so much to him, is very special. (Another thing about Aries: they are very driven and passionate, and when they find something they love, they devote just about everything they have to it. So I don’t think I can stress enough just how much music and art really mean to Seunghyun).

Another Aries trait which completely applies to Seunghyun is that Aries don’t sugarcoat things. They’re very honest. Seunghyun will admit all the time he’s the dancing hole in the group, which is why he does the cutest, dorkiest dances at concerts. He says up front he’s weird because he knows he’s weird, and he’s not ashamed of it. While he may not be completely comfortable with every part of who he is, he’s still very honest about everything. He’s never hid the fact that he’s struggled mentally and emotionally, something so important as an idol.

When I learned Seunghyun’s Sun sign was a Water sign and his Moon sign was a Fire sign, I immediately understood why he struggles with so much and deals with so much conflict in his emotions. Fire and Water signs create such a discord/disharmony because, while there can be balance, it is so easy for fire to overtake water or vice versa. It’s extremely difficult for these two elements to co-exist together. This is most likely why he’s so sensitive and deals with some emotional and mental issues.

Chinese Astrology: Fire Rabbit

Rabbits are known to be very friendly, polite, personable people. While Seunghyun is fairly shy and reserved, he’s certainly not unfriendly or polite. I’ve never heard any accounts of him being rude, and he will deeply and sincerely apologize if anything he does is taken as being disrespectful.

Fire Rabbits, in particular, are very strong willed, and they can experience great success - as long as they have the right support. We all know Seunghyun struggles with self-confidence, and he can heavily rely on his family, friends, BigBang members, and VIPs to assure him of his talent (which we do, of course). Fire rabbits also do not take hardship well. They tend to become miserable and depressed when things do not go as planned. Unfortunately this side of Seunghyun came through when he was dealing with his marijuana “scandal” in 2017. He obviously had a hard time with this, and is most likely still having a hard time dealing with the effects of it. I would just like to let it be known that there is nothing scandalous about his situation at all. SO MANY people smoke marijuana on a daily basis all over the world, and that is their choice. I just feel horrible that Seunghyun has been made to feel like he’s done something terribly wrong when he really hasn’t. But, I digress.

Rabbits are also known to be very good with children, something we have discussed before. Seunghyun is an amazing uncle, and he clearly loves his nephew almost as much as if he were his own son. If he were to have his own children some day, he would definitely be a wonderful father.

Among the Chinese zodiac signs, the Rabbit has been given the nickname “The Collector.” Hmmmm... how could this apply to Seunghyun? LOL. His house has how many chairs and how many works of art?! I think we would all be surprised if we visited his apartment. 

Numerology: Life Path 4

I found it very interesting that Seunghyun’s Life Path number and Birthday number are the same: 4 (he was born on November 4th). I haven’t found any research stating this is significant, but I feel like it should be! 4 should certainly be an important/lucky number for Seunghyun

Those born with the Life Path number 4 are known as “The Teacher.” 4s tend to devour information on certain subjects and enjoy imparting this knowledge to others. We definitely see this quality on Seunghyun’s Instagram. He has constantly posted works of art and architecture, and he really knows his stuff. He talks about his love of art in interviews, explaining why he’s drawn to certain works or artists. He’s very vocal about his passion, and it certainly seems like he wants to share what he knows with whoever will listen. Because of all this information, though, 4s tend to have constantly moving brains. They sometimes like to use alcohol to calm them down, and we all know our Seunghyun loves his wine. His smoking habit is probably a result of this, as well (though he has said on multiple occasions he would like to quit - much to this Admin’s delight!).

Home is very important to 4s, and they tend to crave a sense of security. They also tend to be somewhat of a loner. While Seunghyun certainly isn’t truly a loner (or a loser or a coward who pretends to be tough), he does value his alone time. His house is his safe haven, and he’s filled it with things he loves and finds beautiful so he can always feel peace when at home.

MBTI: ISFP

Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving 

Seunghyun is definitely Introverted. He’s said before he doesn’t really like to leave the house unless he has to, and it’s difficult for him to get close to people. Apart from performing and being with thousands of fans, he prefers to either be alone or be with a few friends or family members. He is also in his own mind a lot, and he has a very good understanding of who he is and how his mind operates.

Those who are possess the Sensing function are more concerned with the physical reality, the here and now, what they can see, hear, or touch. It makes sense that Seunghyun is an S because he’s so enraptured by art. I’m not saying anyone who loves art is an S because I also love art, but I’m an N. His fixation with art does seem to go to another level, though. He especially loves art he can touch, like chairs, and art with different textures, like sculptures. 

Seunghyun is most definitely a Feeling individual. He’s a hugely sensitive person, and he is very much governed by how he feels rather than what he thinks. He posts weird pictures on Instagram because he feels like it then promptly deletes them because he feels like. He’s very affected by his surroundings and the situations in which he finds himself. I know just how this poor bean feels, as I’m also very much a Feeling person.

Finally, Seunghyun categorizes as Perceiving. First, this means he is ruled more by his perceiving function (in his case, Sensing) rather than his judging function (Feeling). This makes total sense because he relies heavily on art and visual beauty to keep him sane. This also means he probably has a more flexible, spontaneous approach to life. Being a P doesn’t necessarily mean this, however; it just means one shows their perceiving function the most to the outside world, and one’s process of thinking or feeling decision-making is internalized. 

Other Studies: Kwon Jiyong, Dong Youngbae, Kang Daesung, Lee Seunghyun

Master list // RULES // Submit a Request! // Read About the Admins

#bigbang #t.o.p #top #seunghyun #choi seunghyun #bigbang astrology #bigbang mbti #kpop #kpop astrology #kpop mbti #astrology #mbti #seunghyun astrology #t.o.p astrology #seunghyun mbti #t.o.p mbti #admin b #study #scorpio #aries #scorpio sun #aries moon #rabbit #fire rabbit #isfp

[sheusedtobesassier]

Day 10,785

172 days until I hit my thirties.

So. An assortment of 172 good memories from my twenties.

001. Addey hype mumbo jumbo singing along with Moana before she was really talking.

002. Being asked to say the big thank you at SOE graduation.

003. Isaac’s face when he peeked at Omar’s new shoes at the East Towne Starbucks.

004. Drinking Mike’s honey moonshine while we played Euchre in his starry cicada humming backyard.

005. Taking Mama on the water taxi rides when she visited me in Chicago.

006. Grandma Kathy calling me, “My pink haired granddaughter.”

007. Sneaking into camp with the Hines girls to write up collaboration glass bottle poems in the Prayer Chapel.

008. The slow and steady hike up to the Hollywood sign.

009. The night I kidnapped Mini Farm kittens to snuggle for a movie and accidentally left the gate open releasing the rest to the Wisconsin wild.

010. Sunday afternoon sipping Stella Artois in the perfect sunny front room of our Albany Park apartment.

011. Zoë giving me all her wallet cash so I could buy bare minimum groceries.

012. Taking turns reading The History of Love aloud in our Winter Staff Forest Springs apartment.

013. The Halloween/Hillside round of Murder in the Dark with All Stars only.

014. Acting a fool in the unfinished Lodge room filled from floor to ceiling with Tempur-Pedic mattresses.

015. Doug lounging in the giant crate of laundry bags in the laundry room.

016. GUBS INSIDE JOKES.

017. St. Patrick’s Day 2021, hahaha.

018.  Beyoncé: Lemonade in the empty downstairs apartment with Mary.

019. Accidentally getting kayak drunk from a backpack bottle of Ménage à Trois.

020. Daylight skinny dipping with Amber to inaugurate the new pool.

021. The perfect stray cat that came around the second half of 2018.

022. Renate being the first to cry with me post breakup. Bill supplying sparkling water to prevent dehydration.

023. Doing drag makeup in Bekah’s bathroom while her and Marissa giggled at each other in the tub.

024. Every kitchen island conversation I’ve ever had with Steve Hines.

025. The perfect colors the night we snuck up on the helicopter landing pad on that Dallas hotel.

026. FACILITATING THAT SAME WEEKEND’S GAME OF ASSASSIN, BEFORE IT GOT UGLY.

027. Becoming buddies with all four Williams brothers.

028. When Mercy told me I’m her favorite Williams brother.

029. Hahaha the Camp Clean Up I put Elliot on my crew for my own amusement and told him his only responsibility was to walk around with me the whole time.

030. The time Blaine and I were avoiding the long lunch line together and Nimanim was like, “Wait so this is like an actual friendship huh?”

031. Tanner enthusiastically reenacting Gandalf’s YOU SHALL NOT PASS as I came up the path.

032. Will realizing I’d Facebook stalked him without sending a friend request.

033. Magically finding Pop Rocks the morning of my perfect 22nd birthday.

034. My perfect 26th birthday weekend in Minneapolis with my dreamy local girl gang.

035. Tauri’s blossoms on the Sky Lodge trees in the spring.

036. Encountering and becoming completely enthralled by the Enneagram.

037. OLIVIA FUCKING GATWOOD APPRECIATING MY PINK HAIR.

038. Clementine von Radic writing that Greyhound always loses her luggage too.

039. My stretch of obsession with Hemingway’s love interests.

040. Becoming friends with Fat Boy Tucker pup.

041. Becoming friends with rescued best dog Star girl.

042. The night Doug was my ride from the airport and he pulled his truck over so we could take a good look at the gigantic moon.

043. That hilarious flirtatious moonlight wander of the horse trails with Omar and Edith and Caleb.

044. Jake Nelson giving me a surprise scoop of chocolate custard as a peace offering after his grumpy bedtime attitude.

045. THE DISCOVERY AND CAPTIVATION OF HADESTOWN.

046. Getting to have Alia in every day for a while there.

047. Les Mis at Overture Center because Ally bought our family tickets.

048. Pat Coakley telling me I don’t know how special I am.

049. Spit handshake with Janelle swearing we’ll never think any boys are cooler than we are.

050. Marissa picking me up without explanation to take us on a quiet sunset drive of her favorite county road.

051. Jayden imagination playing with Blue, Guy, and a motorcycle for a whole night then waking me up with them the next morning.

052. Genevieve asking to borrow my lavender romper for her rehearsal dinner.

053. Getting to be Cali’s sidekick the week leading up to her wedding extravaganza.

054. Houston YMCA hallway phone call from Justin’s dorm room asking me clarify which of the boys was Nick, Schmidt, and Winston.

055. The absolutely ludicrous old woman I got drunk with in the Amtrak dining car.

056. The absolute ludicrous glass skull light up cocktail I drank at Freehand’s hotel bar.

057. When Dan Hartke told me I’m a mother hen.

058. When the most beautiful Sora from Korea told me, “You always flowers.”

059. Hannah’s hand me down Steve Madden sandals.

060. Runaway trips with Amber Bamber to watch Shakespeare in the woods.

061. Storytelling with Jack Thomas.

062. Drunk bar darts after Corn Fest with Marissa’s gang.

063. Leaving the reception with Emmy to go curl up in Amber’s bed and giggle about how it was the last place she slept as a virgin.

064. The night Riana and Zoe and I took turns putting our heads out the car windows to howl like wolves.

065. Falling asleep on the couch with Zelina and Chelle beer buzzed watching Jersey Shore.

066. That perfect little basement Thai place a couple blocks from Emmy’s apartment dorm.

067. When Dan forced me to get out of his car and left because I’d annoyed him too hard on our library trip.

068. Vicki suggesting we go live together overseas.

069. Depop photoshoot with Taurilyn.

070. Mykenza bluntly declaring true things I couldn’t confirm or deny.

071. Norm announcing to the full room he was teaching that I was a rascal.

072. Zochella.

073. Noah Gundersen and Brett Dennen at The Majestic.

074. Every damn time we ate beautiful food at High Rock Cafe.

075. The nights I felt capable at TOCHI.

076. LENA DUNHAM’S GIRLS.

077. Jordan suddenly ballroom dancing Genevieve around the kitchen.

078. Staying up late crying to my mom about trying to take good care of the lesbian teenagers at Sky Lodge.

079. The night Caleb very suddenly showed up with a bowl of sangria then tried to leave a dozen times but we convinced him to stay.

080. Rachel swearing that the man in the Wrigleyville bookshop had love at first sighted me.

081. Making the list of how many musicals I’ve been affected by.

082. Discovering weirdo La Llamada then driving straight to Carlsons’s to immediately watch it again with them.

083. Writing heartfelt correspondence back and forth with Kat for a few years.

084. All the funky cards I’ve received from Amber.

085. Finding that PERFECT dress at Goodwill for Tauri’s Winter Ball.

086. An actual friendship with Paul Bierdeman.

087. COUNSELOR MEETINGS.

088. The night Emily Holverson and I stood outside the Lodge trading sincerity about Sky Lodge and the complications of ministry.

089. Blunt conversations with Josiah, hahaha.

090. The Lower Lakeview round of Murder in the Dark when I killed every single person playing before anyone could call, “Dead body!”

091. When I suddenly caught him listening to my singing in the tunnel.

092. Putting together outfits from Lolita’s wardrobe.

093. Driving into such an unexpectedly lush part of Missouri.

094. A nighttime surprise of Big Ben and The London Eye and Buckingham Palace and St James Park in the falling snow.

095. MY PERFECT ABODE IN ST. LOUIS, MO.

096. OUR PERFECT ABODE IN ALBUQUERQUE, NM.

097. Becoming one of Steve’s best friends.

098. The evening Elorine and I didn’t go with and REALLY talked.

099. THE UNDENIABLE INHERENT GOODNESS OF MERRY’S KIDS.

100. Farrell’s crying apology on the sidewalk outside of Maple.

101. Alex’s irregular sudden extreme compliments.

102. The females I’m close with over the internet due to mutual admiration.

103. Lars from Hinge, hahaha.

104. Sitting at the end of a long table with Janelle making a napkin list of our all time favorite manic pixie dream girls.

105. The handful of LotR marathons we’ve accomplished.

106. When Kat told me she understood the Harry Styles crush but that maybe he wasn’t right for me.

107. Reading so many Donald Miller books and getting others to read them too.

108. Kisses on the cheek from Esther.

109. Getting raspberries for Mike’s turtles as an apology for making death threats.

110. Tipsy dancing alone with my eyes closed for like a hundred songs at Sheryl’s Club on New Years 2021.

111. The flattering comparison to the wonderful Harley Duke.

112. Aw omg, our happy hammock stacks at Observatory Hill. 

113. Telling slumber party stories on stage for Women’s Retreat.

114. BEING THE MIME FOR LIFE GROUP’S FAVORITE.

115. Fatigued watching The Kissing Booth and laughing harder than ever.

116. Spastic goofing around with Ashley AND Brittany the day we moved Amber into her new home.

117. Sitting on my closet floor showing crying Riana baby videos of singing piano playing Janelle.

118. Giggle running through Piggly Wiggly parking lot at closing with Rene with like $400 of alcohol on Ally’s birthday.

119. Fireball shots ALL NIGHT with Jeremiah and his uncle on Christmas Eve.

120. Listening to the delicious details of Emmy’s Europe romance.

121. Zion giving me his Adidas crewneck as sentimental goodbye gift.

122. Arguing with Austin over our differing zombie apocalypse ideologies.

123. Drunk Discord/Among Us with Hunter and Bekah and Nick and Marissa.

124. How soft Kenny’s absurd speeches made my heart.

125. MINUTE LONG VOICE MEMOS STACKS WITH ROSIE. ♡♡

126. Listening to Lizzy McAlpine in an afternoon candlelight bath.

127. Listening through John Mayer’s The Search for Everything mowing the ball field.

128. Emotionally painting my old house in Birmingham.

129. Being really damn good at that Heads Up game with Omar.

130. Compiling worthwhile stuff for Foreman training.

131. GROWING MY PLANTS.

132. The stretch when Bryanna was usually wrapped in my blanket.

133. Talking about going to Colorado with Alex.

134. The notorious reputation of knowing everybody at CCCA.

135. GETTING ALL DRESSED UP FOR DINNER THEATER.

136. Calling Ally from a parking lot at Emmy’s bachelorette party because I was SO CONFIDENT I was a hot person that I had to talk to her about it.

137. Playing the stupidest laughingest game of The Floor Is Lava with Jackson when I came to visit them all in Dallas.

138. Feeling really really really at home in my apartment at Sky Lodge.

139. How Ryan Boon would struggle to talk through his laughter.

140. Belonging to myself at Fiddleheads Coffee in Cedarburg.

141. THE UNDENIABLE IMMEDIATE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN ME AND COURTNEY HART.

142. Big Falls County Park. Every time.

143. Kayaking down Blue River with Duke, Jeremiah and Addey, Hunter, and Hunter’s friend.

144. That perfect burger at Pier Burger in Santa Monica.

145. Riding The Brown Line down to The Loop and all the way back up.

146. Aw. Welp. Every lengthy truthful phone call with Sam.

147. The four seasons I was compiling four second videos.

148. Ashley’s and my perfect roommates stretch, featuring our perfect couch.

149. The night we forced so many to come to our Blackfish showing then sign our petition opposing Sea World. Hahaha. #emptythetanks

150. The night Ben and I sat in the corner giddy burning through TriBond cards.

151. The night I showed up at Doug’s and Lueck’s door losing my damn mind over The Dress.

152. Community Soccer at the local elementary school gym.

153. Frigid stranded in the Chequamegon National Forest with Mary and Caleb on our return drive from our nightmare trip to Duluth.

154. The final night of being “cats in a bag” sleeping in Janelle’s bottom bunk.

155. Filling up the broomball courts under a negative degrees meteor shower.

156. Getting another wonderful summertime of Delala.

157. The Sunday service the pastor wouldn’t quit snapping his fingers and a bunch of us were txting each other like, “OMFG NO AHHH HOW DO WE MAKE HIM STOP????”

158. Oomph. The perfect veggie omelette (no cheese) at Sparks.

159. Dad’s soft voicemail about his admiration for Adele.

160. Their neighbor lady Maddie’s outfit for the Christmas cantata and her disappointment with the unfamiliar song selection.

161. Raquel’s completely irresistible fun streak.

162. Listening to folklore with Jayden and the girlies first thing when I woke up every morning for a while there.

163. Going through Met Gala looks cuddled up with Omar.

164. The way it felt reading Anthropology of an American Girl.

165. The giant primary colors crochet blanket mom made for me.

166. Noah scooping me up in that hug in the Waterloo parsonage kitchen.

167. When Omar completely surprised me with what he can do to a piano.

168. Deciding I am a Pinot Grigio girl.

169. Omfg, the Nest Night we intensely debated our way through a Staff Wives wrestling bracket.

170. Dismantling multiple purity talks and dress codes like it’s my calling.

171. Laying on blankets in the middle of many fields in different places for the sake of being very very very very sunkissed.

172. Regularly running into Bill at Kwik Trip.

#personal

[geneshaven]

Bulls-Eye

There were some moments in episode 611 that hit the bulls-eye for me, that captured the natural rhythms between Oliver and Felicity. And William too. After re-watching the episode a couple times, I fell even deeper into the dynamics of these interactions between the three of them.

**

Oliver returns to the Bunker after his speech to the city concerning Cayden James and his attack on the infrastructure. Felicity is there to greet him and to give her husband props in setting up safe-zones for the citizens of Star City. William is there too. Like his father, the kid is brooding, upset over Oliver’s lie to him. Felicity becomes the bridge between man and boy. She acknowledges William’s issue to Oliver with just a nod in the boy’s direction. Then she shifts gears and begins to explain, (in a rapid fire, my-girl-Friday monologue) the possible reason why Cayden is so hell-bent on seeking revenge on Oliver for causing the death of his son. Oliver, to his credit and because he really does listen to her, was able to follow Felicity’s full circle explanation. He assured her he was 100% on the same page as her. Then, Felicity shifts back to William and gently suggests that Oliver talk to his son.

Oliver agrees, but is still hesitant in opening up that can of worms with William. He wants to talk to his son, but is unsure of his approach. What can he say? Is the damage too much for reparations? He lied to his son, something Oliver has had hard and damaging repercussions with.

But then Felicity approaches Oliver again with some wonderful husband wife speak. She tells him that she read somewhere that the most effective way to talk to kids---is to talk to them. It was funny, informative and supportive; it was a gentle prod. Oliver seemed calmed by her loving snarkiness, but still unsure if anything he said to William would make up for the lie. He told Felicity that in his own personal experience, sometimes kids just want to be left alone.  Felicity concedes to this wisdom and then she shifts gears again. She tells Oliver that despite Cayden James, despite what happened to John and the current foolishness from the Newbies---her, Oliver and William are in this together. She thinks William can handle it. Oliver doesn’t know for sure. But Felicity does. She reminds him again that William is his father’s son. Genetics, folks. Are we left to believe that those genes will someday produce happy and strong offspring? Does the phrase, ‘Oliver, I’m pregnant’ have the same anticipation as ‘Oliver, will you marry me?’ I think yes.

**

Felicity is talking to William about her love for Oliver, how she knew she loved him since that day six years ago when he brought her a bullet-ridden laptop. It was pure cannon. She told William, with that long love came long times of worry. Whenever he goes out into the field and risks his life, she has to believe he will be okay, that he will come back to her.

This whole scene was really well done, mixing the team fighting with the quiet moment in the Bunker as Felicity talks with William, how she deals with the potential of losing Oliver every time he puts on the hood. It was the first time Arrow has given us Felicity’s perspective on what goes on in her mind and heart whenever she is alone in the Bunker, whenever Oliver shoots an arrow or throws a punch or is compromised by sudden, dangerous instances that he and  Overwatch don’t see coming. She manages to stay in the game, but its Oliver out there who takes the risks. She might have even at one time wanted to tell him to come home to her, that she could not survive if he doesn’t.

She is, and always will be on the same crusade that Oliver brought to her life all those years ago. Having William follow the same path is still something yet to be seen.  But I think that by having both Oliver and  Felicity as an example, it sets a precedence and makes all three of them more united as a family---stronger and courageous and trusting. Felicity let William know that no matter what comes at them, she and Oliver will always have his back.

I had a big grin on my face when Felicity pulled William in close and gave him a blow by blow by arrow description of Oliver’s fighting moves, almost as if she called  them before he put them in motion. William seemed impressed and looked like he was about to pump his fist and encourage his dad when Felicity tried to cover his eyes as Oliver buried an arrow into the thigh of one of his attackers. It was a sudden, live gesture---but I think William saw it before Felicity’s attempted censorship.

**

Finally, we got that ending scene when Oliver, Felicity and William gather for a family meeting.  How far has Oliver and Felicity come since that horrible day two years ago in the Loft when Felicity accused Oliver of not knowing how to be inclusive?

Felicity let William know that they should all lay everything on the table, to be open and---inclusive. Oliver apologized to William for lying about not being the Green Arrow anymore. He owned up that there was no excuse for it; not even because of his lack of experience being a dad. Was the apology sincere and honest? Felicity was there to make sure it was.

But it seems as if William has also come to his own realization. After Felicity’s talk with him at the Bunker, after she had him look at Oliver through her eyes, William understood why his dad is out there risking his life to keep his family and the city safe. He told Oliver how cool it was watching his dad kick some ass. He also recognized the reason for Oliver’s promise that he would never make his son an orphan is different now. He has Felicity to watch over him, if god forbid anything should ever happen to Oliver.

After William goes to bed, Felicity moves over to be by her husband, to touch him, to let him know that that touch is where their strength as partners, as husband and wife and as parents comes from. It is what makes their lives together full.  

I don’t see Oliver and Felicity’s other kids (Rene, Curtis and Dinah) being as forgiving. But it doesn’t matter. Those kids still have a bit of growing up to do. They need to master more complicated emotions---like acceptance and forgiveness. William can be a great template for that.

One last thing. Does anyone still believe that Oliver and Felicity will ever get to be part of that 9:00pm time slot? Will they ever get a honeymoon where they will rarely, if ever, come out of their hotel room?  Since season 3, there has been at least one steamy scene between them, one that pulls no punches and takes one’s breath away.  It seems we are due, overdue for just such a scene. And without any phones going off or kids with science projects interrupting their momentum.  

Olicity; married Olicity sex, anyone? That would be another bulls-eye.

@it-was-a-red-heeler @memcjo @almondblossomme @louiseblue1 @dmichellewrites @vaelisamaza @bandanab310 @iheartarrow @flowerandsunshine @bitchwiithwifi @nalla-madness @hope-for-olicity @1106angel

#611 #those rare moments #meta

[sprinklig-kindness-podcast]

Lucifer

What’s up guys? Hello, how are you? Welcome to your favorite podcast?

Today we're going to talk about Lucifer, two weeks ago I started to watch in my free time the TV show Lucifer because a year ago on Facebook I saw the trailer of the fourth season and I really wanted to see it.

I think everyone has heard about the devil and god, good and evil, many people also know the story of Adam and Eve and about the apple, it's general culture to know those stories. I don't identify myself as a religious person, I like to be very open about theories about the origin of time.

Since it's October and sadly I have no ghost stories for you that have happened to me.

Now that I look at that series about how the devil solves crimes which for me is the craziest and most original concept, it's very strange because I never imagined that that series was about crimes, I thought it was going to be like "Chilling Adventures of Sabrina" which is more about the problems of witches and not so much about problems in everyday life as a crime.

 According to history, it is said that seduced by his own pride, he dragged a great part of the angels that worshipped God, causing a rebellion whose ultimate consequences are the existence of pain, evil, and death in the world, that is why Lucifer is considered since then as the ideologue of evil.

When I hear these stories about the devil, angels, demons, and god I really wish they were true. I'm not sure if there is a god or the devil, heaven or hell, nothing has ever happened to me that makes me believe that it exists, however, I do not rule out the possibility. 

Something that I find very controversial is the fact that some people blame everything on God when it's credit like "thank God" I don't give a shit because you can give thanks to a piece of paper if you want, but when it's a guilt I hate it, I hate it when people don't take responsibility for their actions.

i really believe more in the human conspiracy than in god's will, the same with opportunities and success, i believe that everything is built by you and only you, everything good or bad that happens or will happen to you is because of you and it' s one hundred percent your fault.

I believe that the only evil that exists is the human being, the selfishness that was born from an attempt at survival.

and now some strange questions that I asked myself when I was watching the series before saying the questions I want to say that my answers do not mean that they are 100 real 

the first is would you date the devil?

My answer is yes why not, I think it would be something different and interesting all the same depending on what is true or not. Because in the series sometimes this character appears as good and other times as bad.

second question

In the series I looked at selling souls and how one woman sold it to become thinner. Would you sell your soul? What would you ask for?

 Depending on the matter of the existence of the souls and how my life conditions are and also benefits and disadvantages but I really don't know, I don't know what is my biggest wish, I don't know what I want more in life, I don't consider anything important and at the same time I consider everything important. 

Many people ask for money but even if I don't have it doesn't matter because I know that hard work can give me the life that I want a simple and normal life, I don't want to be rich but if I became I wouldn't complain, other people live forever, dude I don't want to live forever and it's not because of watching everyone die and that, the reason is because at some point nothing impresses me and it would end up being a punishment to live forever boring and miserable.

My third question is

If you could choose between being an angel (I open space for specifications, the devil counts as an angel) or being a demon, what would you be?

If demons are like in the Lucifer series I would like to be a demon and punish the bad guys, being an angel would be boring.

Fourth question

If you could choose where you would go to hell or heaven?

I find the glory and eternal joy a bit boring but I find hell interesting, I'd like to know what I'm most afraid of, really if hell exists I don't think I'm going, I don't think I've done anything too bad to deserve eternal condemnation, although there are many things that don't make sense about what's right or wrong, like drinking alcohol which is a sin, not going to church on Sundays and stuff like that. For me the real sins are like killing, maybe manipulating, hurting children, stealing and those things.

I feel like I'm not a bad person but I'm not like super good worthy of heaven either, but I would like to go to hell I don't know why but I don't know if being the person who is being punished, I don't know maybe being an average person can help me choose where I want to be even if it's boring.

I think that the fact of just disappearing is better since eternity is a long time, that's why I like the story of Disney more, you don't last long but you don't last forever either.

But even if I could decide I would like to help bad people make sure they stay in a place like this, that's why I don't feel that hell is so bad, it gives bad people what they deserve and the devil is only the jailer.

But I don't know if it exists or not, it's just a crazy theory.

Watching this really crazy series I contradicted myself many times because if the devil came out of hell why the hell was he helping the police? playing at being a cop, but maybe if you're the devil and you've seen everything you dude why not? it's something different and completely unexpected.

Talking about the production of this series I loved the special effects like the wings, the editing work is amazing, I think it really looks realistic also the fantastic martial arts work, a clean job and this is said by someone who has no previous knowledge of anything and is exactly the audience that wants to catch the show.

But this series is produced by warner bros and the effects are just what you would expect because they produced harry potter, dc comics series, rick, and Morty that means great quality.

I would really like to work with Warner Bros someday but I don't have any skills or talent to work in that company but maybe someday, I don't lose hope, I can do a little something in that company.

I'm not a series person, I don't like long series but I really enjoyed this series absolutely everything because it is something different, besides it made me cry I'm not going to make spoilers but one of the last episodes of the third season I want to say that I cried like a baby and just a good update that makes me believe that it is really happening, a good script and good direction can make me cry and that is something that very rarely happens.

And I'm deeply grateful for that because it's been a long time since I've cried over something silly, it's nice and I'm grateful because we can't all do it.

Also, because the concept that God and the Devil have nothing to do with the decisions we make, I like it very much, just as the real danger is the human being. 

Also I stayed in suspense the sixth season of Lucifer comes out in February according to the internet because the first thing I did after seeing this series was to find all the actors in instagram and follow them and also when the sixth season comes out and I have to wait almost 6 months but it's okay I can with this, it's worth it. It tastes better a season like this.

I also really liked the character of Eva because I understood her and the actress is beautiful, unrequited love sucks, especially when it is sincere. But life sucks.

To finish this episode I want to say that I liked the series of Lucifer, I think it's worth watching and I think it's a series to do things and I mean you can do as your task and put it in the background, paint, write, do some crafts, cooking and stuff like that because you don't need to put 100 percent of your attention to it to understand it all the time and I think that's how great you can do two things at once and you're going to enjoy it, each episode has a little teaching, not everything is about one problem because in some series when it's only a problem and that one is solved it gets boring and in this one it doesn't, 

Also leaving the series aside I want to say that maybe life is simpler than we would like and more boring but make sure you enjoy it, do good things so you can decide if you want to go to hell or to heaven and I also wonder if there is anyone who does not want to go to heaven and has had the opportunity and has not wanted, because I do not know, I find it interesting, but well I hope you have a beautiful day, warner bros if anyone hears this I want to say that I am 100 percent available and I can leave my life to give my best and work with you. For my part it is all hugs and kisses goodbye.

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