Tumgik
#so i dont really have anyone to stop this self abuse from taking place. not that anyone but me can put an end to it.
pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
Text
.
#huh. i dont think this person would want me to do this#diary#personal#disordered eating#hahahahaha. the more they talk about food the more it makes me want to starve myself.#hahaha. how fucked up is that lmao.#self harm#i mean not really but sorta so close enough ig?#i honestly wonder why i love hurting myself so much sometimes. hahaha. what wire in my brain fell loose?#hm. seriously though. i have no especially strong desire to prevent harm coming to me#in fact i often try to recreate it. or even seek it out to some extent.#like. i dont cross a line. but beyond that i sorta just see it all as fair game.#hm. and really the thing is i dont especially care if people tell me no. hm. sometimes i wont if i think to myself#and i quote .#...but that being said. sometimes i think the people around me dont especially care? all in all it doesnt affect them ig.#so i dont really have anyone to stop this self abuse from taking place. not that anyone but me can put an end to it.#i usually stop when i have something to work towards or for. but if i see no means to do so i give up.#i think thats why ive given up lately. like. i may as well do as i please if i cant do anything right anymore. haha.#idk. this warped sense of self wont go anywhere anytime soon.#im not sure if i really hate myself so much as i just dont especially care.#drugs tw#im fine with spending my days in a drug fueled haze. if thats what i really want.#i dont quite get others and thwir conerns for that. if you're hurting no one else who cares what you do to yourself?#idk. i think im a bit broken somehow. my mind sure as hell doesnt work the same as anyone else.#either way i wont regret no more. im making my own decisions. im making my own grave and ill lay on it. .#i really dont especially care. in the end all i need is right here hahaha.#ha. god something really is wrong with me. oh well.
0 notes
kithj · 1 month
Note
IM THE PERSON WHO WAS TALKING ABOUT THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE SINCE WE LAST SPOKE A FEW DAYS AGO And i agree about how sad it is that most queer horror authors i dont vibe with. do you have any you DO like? im always on the lookout for more and from what i’ve seen of your book taste on here we have pretty similar taste in books. can be any genre of horror tbh im not picky
hehehe yes i'd love to give u some recommendations! though if i'm being honest i really haven't found that many authors in the genre that i really vibe with yet. im still on the hunt... may leitz is probably the only one i can recommend that is kinda in the same vein as the "popular" ones, but Leitz is someone who i think does well balancing the extreme aspects of it with characters that are actually interesting and sympathetic to read (as opposed to just one-dimensional cannon fodder for random violence)
i don't know if any of these authors actually refer to themselves as "queer horror" authors nor do i know with certainty if all of them are a part of the lgbt community, but um. well i like their books. these also all aren't strictly about the characters identity; some focus more on it than others so i'll just say it's horror + lgbt characters.
i'll start with extreme horror:
fluids by may leitz - this will be the most extreme book i recommend, and i've talked about it a few times before. it's about two women, named Dahlia and Lauren, who meet on tinder during the pandemic, and after only a few days of talking Lauren takes it upon herself to drive to Dahlia's hometown and try and "save" her. things escalate, and the two women's paths diverge. cw: extreme violence and gore, rape, incest (the two girls pretend to be related), emetophobia, suicide, eating disorder, murder, literally everything you can think of. this is Extreme Horror, and i wouldn't recommend this one for anyone that's not already familiar with the genre.
girl flesh by may leitz - while i didn't like this one as much as fluids, i'm just a fan of may leitz's writing in general so i'd still recommend it. this one has a bit of a pacing problem & does a lot of telling rather than showing, but i like the direction leitz takes this one in the end. i've talked about this one before too so you might remember me rambling about it. this one is about two women who are kidnapped and wake up restrained in a dirty hotel in the middle of the texas mesa. they work together to escape their captors as well as the wild mesa and maybe even fall in love a little bit on the way. cw: extreme violence, gore, transphobia/deadnaming, eating disorder, emetophobia, self-harm, rape. this one isn't as extreme as fluids but i'd still be cautious with it.
to be devoured by sara tantlinger - this one is a short novella you can read in one sitting. Andi really really really wants to know what carrion tastes like. she's fascinated by the vultures that circle the edge of her property, but her fascination soon turns to obsession, and Andi will stop at nothing to learn their secrets. cw: blood consumption, cannibalism, violence and gore, very graphic animal harm and animal death
okay now the rest are just more general horror:
house of hunger by alexis henderson - loosely based on the legend of Elizabeth of Bathory, this story takes place in a society that runs on blood. Marion travels to the House of Hunger to begin her term as a bloodmaid under Countess Lisavet, who has a mysterious ailment that renders her weak and bedbound unless she has a constant flow of blood to treat it. Marion gets to know the other bloodmaids, and in time begins to realize not all is as it seems at the House of Hunger. cw: blood consumption, violence, abusive relationships/gaslighting, death
alexis henderson has also written the year of the witching, and she just announced an academy for liars. i really like her writing so i plan to check out her other work soon-ish.
apparitions by adam pottle - again i talked about this one recently so you may have seen it already, but i NEED more people to read this book. this follows the story of a young man who was born deaf and raised in an abusive household until he was able to escape as a teenager, only to be institutionalized immediately after. there he meets another deaf teen, and for the first time in his life, he has a language that he can speak with and can finally be understood. cw: child abuse, institutionalization, homophobia, abusive relationship, ableism, violence, death, religious trauma, animal harm and animal death.
the luminous dead by caitlin starling - gyre price is a lone caver swaddled inside a hi-tech suit that allows her to dive deep underground to map mineral deposits off-planet. however, the person on the other end of the suit has other plans, and easily takes control of gyre and her suit, putting the two at odds with each other as gyre spirals into uncertainty and paranoia while also having to deal with the terrifying presence of the tunneler. cw: claustrophobia, death, forced drugging, violence, gore, abusive/toxic relationship
caitlin starling also has a few other books though i haven't gotten around to reading them yet and i honestly haven't heard much about them so i can't say how they compare, but the luminous dead is one of my favorites of all time.
the Sworn Soldier series by T. Kingfisher - i love these books, they're just short fun horror stories with a really charming main character. Alex Easton is a retired soldier from Gallacia, and has their own special pronouns in Gallacian (kan/kanself) as part of their occupation and culture, and is what we would consider nonbinary (not all soldiers identify this way, but Alex does). vicars in Gallacia use van/vanself, there are different pronouns for children and adults, etc. i think it's just really interesting and i enjoy what the author has done with the worldbuilding and language, and how seamlessly it fits into her writing. the first book is a retelling of the fall of the house of usher (and is the stronger of the two) while the second one has Alex returning home to Gallacia and facing off with an old Gallacian superstition that's haunting their family cottage.
again i don't really know how T. Kingfisher/Ursula Vernon personally identifies but i do recommend her writing regardless, she's written other horror books as well as some fantasy books & she's just incredibly skilled imo, easy and fun to read.
most of my TBR that i'm working towards is horror so maybe i'll update this post later with more.... i'm currently reading providence girls by morgan dante and into the drowning deep by mira grant.
morgan dante has a few other books that are all some flavor of gothic horror/romance and i'm very excited for their new book that just came out TODAY that's a carmilla/elizabeth of bathory reimagining. i'm planning on reading that Immediately (i preordered it) so i'll report back for it and once i finish providence girls, too.
the next few books on my TBR that are all lgbt + horror:
The Seep by Chana Porter
Thirst by Marina Yuszczuk
A Dowry of Blood & An Education in Malice, both by S.T. Gibson
Little Rot by Akwaeke Emezi (i think this one is a thriller actually and also isnt out yet but whatever. i recommend this author, they genre-hop a lot & have a decent amount of work published already)
Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon
and of course i always recommend looking up content warnings if you need to especially for the last few since i haven't read them myself and can't vouch for them just yet. but ummm hopefully you see something you like 😭 i'll stop yapping <3
69 notes · View notes
lowkeiloki · 2 months
Text
kung fu panda 4 review - spoiler free
it was solid, not as good as the first three movies, but the og triology set the bar so high even a 'not as good' movie is still a fun watch. The animation is beautiful and you get quite a bunch of awesome action scenes out of it
zhen is a lot more likable when not voiced by awkwafina (croatian dub saved me ✊️) but even that wont save her from her character being pretty bland. ironically the same criticism for her design could be applied for her character as well, not bad, likable enough, just fails to stand out and ive seen it done better a lot of times already
chameleon... oh boy... so much potential, such incredible built up, such luckluster execution... ill talk more abt her in spoiler section, but honestly she was the weakest link of the movie
dont get your hopes up for furious five, they only really exist as a cameo, what you will get is mr ping and li being a very married couple and personally if theres anything worth seeing the movie for its them (still im hoping for at least a short abt the furious five, cmon theyve been non existent since kfp 3)
the pacing was too fast, and there were too many comedic and too little serious moments, glad im not the only one that noticed
ive seen a lot of complaints about tai lung and other past villains not being in the movie enough, but honestly im happy for that bc its not their movie, they all had their own movies to shine and i really feared this movie would rely too much on them to carry the hype and im glad that wasnt the case. PLEASE stop asking film studios to spoonfeed you familiar content
end of spoiler free review, spoilers under cut
the chameleon rant
you know, i believe the kfp movies are heavily carried by their villains. they're the ones that set the tone, bring the stakes, and not only are they a foe for po to defeat but represent his internal conflict (tai lung being self acceptance, shen being overcoming grief and kai being self discovery) so to have the villain be the movie's weakest spot is... not great at all
firsty, the chameleon is the first movie villain in the franchise to not have any beef with any of the main characters (like tai lung had with shifu, lord shen with po and kai with oogway) and that couldve been great, give us a villain that doesnt care about po or anyone else and is just doing their own thing, its something new and an unexplored territory, but then they do nothing with it.
what does she want? to rule the valley of peace? all of china? ok and then what? the city shes already rulling doesnt look like its doing too bad to me. why should i care about her being defeated? yeah shes mean, but where are the STAKES
and how does she reflect po's conflict? because its about accepting change and she's a chameleon? weak, that only connect on paper and only barely. is it how she was never accepted to train kung fu because of her size? that's such a lame motive. really? not a single kung fu place wanted to take you in for your size? in a franchise full of all the different characters of all different shapes and sizes being kung fu masters? yeah ok sure
what i did like about her is how they made her get her way through manipulation and intimidation. she's not strong, she's not a skilled fighter, she's not inherently scary, but she uses smoke and mirrors to intimidate people around her and manipulative tactics to get her henchmen to listen which ties nicely into her shapeshifting abilities, just wish theyve done more with it, show us how she spreads horror stories about herself, show us the influence she has over the townspeople, show us just how manipulative she is of zhen, hell have her be all kind and nice to her in moments to bait her to stay under her wing (yk as abusive parents do)
nothing much more i have to say so spoiler part was rly just abt the chameleon but i needed to rant abt her more in depth bc i had high hopes for her
12 notes · View notes
v-anrouge · 1 year
Note
Hi!! I’m so excited that match ups are open, I’m a huge nerd for people theoretically perceiving me with a character I might love. My love language for giving is words of affirmation and then a tie between acts of service and gift giving (I make these little journals that are filled with quotes, advice, letters, etc. for my loved ones to help them when they are lonely or upset), and for receiving words of affirmation and acts of service. I’m not ok with someone making me feel like a burden, shaming me, or calling me annoying (I have an autoimmune disease and chronic pain and an abuse survivor, so I don’t take any of that shit 😤). I work in a neuroscience lab, am infinitely curious, do a bunch of crafts (painting, cross stitch, embroidery, making chainmail, etc), read a bunch, love sleeping/naps and puns, and am a very sarcastic but kind person.
HI NONNIE IM SORRG FOR TAKINF SO LONG<3 ALSO UE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT DONT TAKE BULLSHIT FROM ANYONE U DESERVE BETTER
i match you with ...
Tumblr media Tumblr media
ROOK it's clear to everyone how much rook loves you, he's always flirting with you, complimenting you, confessing his undying love for you and reading the multiple poems he writes about your beautiful self, everytime you flirt back or compliment him in the same level as he compliments you rook always blushes and giggles loudly while cupping his own cheeks, it's both adorable and absolutely hilarious to see the person more than half of the students fear act so silly all because you said you love how passionate he is when praising the things he loves
when you gave rook his first journal he literally started tearing up, then he opened the journal and started crying more and more as he read it, once he was finally done he was either sobbing on your arms if you let him or sobbing on the floor dramatically, regardless of the place he decided to start crying just give him a few head pats and he'll stop and then he'll start showering you with his affection, if you like physical affection then he'll be hugging you and kissing different parts of your body as he speaks but if it's not something you enjoy then he'll be on one knee with one hand in his heart and the other one making exaggerated hand gestures to "give you a better idea of how much he loves you" really he's just being extra as always but you think it's cute so you don't really have a problem with it
rook would never ever consider you a burden, if anything he is honored to have such a strong lover by his side who doesn't give up no matter how hard things get, he'll always make sure you know just how strong you are and how much he admires you, and you for sure won't have any doubts that he's speaking the truth because his eyes are shining brighter than the fucking sun with love for you, if you ever ask him for help on anything he'll immediately do it, and if you think that asking him for help will make you think you're not strong like he imagines you to be then you'd be terribly wrong, he actually thinks it's admirable to be that capable and still not shy away from asking help, knowing and accepting the fact that in life you can't always do everything alone is a very important thing and that just makes rook love you even more
rook adores your curiosity and he'll always encourage you, and while thats good for you it's usually not good for the people around you who are usually very concerned about what trouble you two will cause today, of course your safety is rook's priorities so he'll never ever encourage anything that could seriously harm you, but if he's sure the situation won't get out of control?? i pity anyone that isn't you
rook absolutely adores to see everything you make, a lot of times he'll even ask to join you and you both will spend hours doing your activity of choice, other times he'll simply sit next to you and quietly watch as you do your thing smiling the entire time as he occasionally makes some questions and compliment the details and your skill
rook knows how much you love napping and so hes always prepared if you ever feel sleepy but doesn't have any comfort place to do so, he'll casually take out a pillow a blanket and watch over you as you nap, anyone who makes any questions or complaints will get a threatening smile and maybe a quick reminder of what their private information is <3
other possibilities: lilia, jade & riddle
Tumblr media
5 notes · View notes
angel-beloved · 2 years
Note
Please do not make fun of me. Thats about it. For me everything has a place, like shoes are not allowed in the house and only stay in speciffic places. I live by the rule - if its not broken, dont fix it, just like how a chair if it has four legs and it is not broken, you dont need to add 5th leg or break one of the legs. For example there are universal things like cars or cups that can be used for moving people or objects or in the case of the cups you can use it for coffee, tea and water. I hate americans them using the skull emoji on me as if I have said something horrendous for having opinion when I was never allowed to form opinions or criticial thinking and just said yes to everything blindly. It is not selfish and i do not care if it is selfish but people make fun of me which makes me feel worse since I have stuffed down my emotions and never expressed them since people make fun of me and laugh which makes me lash out as a result. I have severe ptsd, anxiety and depression which I take pills for since they ruin my social life and prevent me from verbally speaking which angers other people and makes some even abuse me. I have never cared about sex but I feel the same way about anime and games for girls in the form of dating simulators, if a girl has a boyfriend and he rails her, she is not allwoed to play a dating sim, since her need is fufilled. If a woman has a husbnd and he loves and rails her, her sexual and emotional needs are met, she doesnt need books or anime to satisfy her urges, she literally has an alive human being that cares about her and listenes to her. I have rarely had friends and some boys refused to sit or be near me and always said "thank god she went away" which really really hurt me, it got so bad that despite no longer bieng in school i cry when men/guys are near me since i have been told I am disgusting and ugly and had people throw things at me as if I am a trash can all of my life.
I do not want to ever have sex or try it with anyone since only whores get healthy male attention and guys like whores that scream like harpies and manipulate and not me and I do not even want to be liked, since people treated me like a tumor and bullied me I seem to "fall in love" with anyone who treats me neutrally and doesnt make me cry on purpose or makes me feel afraid or threatened since I have bad emotional regulation/hormonal disbalance and cant stop crying and people took advantage of that, now I am numb and refuse to be near guys since like I said, they only like whores and they creep me out. For me needs have a purpose, and if your needs are fufilled, you do not need to fufill them, its like eating, if you eat too much your stomach will hurt, if you dont eat your stomach will hurt again, and i have to satisfy my self on my own despite hating sex because guys are creepy cruel and suck and I am afraid I will be hated and do not feel deserving of love which makes me hate the whores even more, becuase normal girls are rare and most girls in high school just cursed everyone and hurt them for fun, it doesnt help that i hate parties and am a huge introvert, it hurts hwen someone mentions that my nerdy hobbies are for male attention when the only male attention i got was being told to die and that i am not good for anything and that i am disgusting and at least they are not me and laughing at me and commenting constantly on what i do which made me severely anxious and develop a stutter. If a need is fufilled why do you fufill it? You already have sex? Is your sex life that horrible that you need to take away from someone who literally read erotica in order to not killthemselves because you have actual people to hang out with and verbally be listened to, while no one cared about my problems, no one and I wasn't even hugged or listened to and eventually broke down. High school was hell and I can't move on and small things like criticism or that break me down
Uh-huh. Dunno who this is at all buut I'll set things straight. Keep in mind, I'm not sugarcoating shit or being as kind as I usually am because this ask/rant was pretty much bitching and whining about a lot of stupid shit and I don't have time for that. You're not getting my damn sympathy, not even a damn pinch of it. Straight, honest opinion. Like you gave me yours.
Long post under the cut, trigger warnings for Bullying, pretty privilege, Sexual Assault and sex + a loot of cursing on my end.
I didn't need your damn life story. I never fucking asked for it. I would've been nicer if I asked or if you were someone I knew, but you instead decided to dump this all on me, so here we go. Having a fucking privilege to be pretty like me according to standards is fucking absolute BULLSHIT. It's literal hell to have "pretty privilege" and being afraid of potentially being SAed again or hit on for no damn reason other than "she looks hot and she might sleep with me!" Don't call other women whores for getting the male gaze because you didn't, having the male gaze isn't always fuckin ideal, you know.
I was, you probably didn't guess, bullied. I was bullied to hell and back. Bullied and nobody helped me. Men bullied me, but I didn't hate them. Because they're guys. They're known for sucking ass sometimes. Plus high-school? Can't expect them to act right. Because it's high-school. If you’re still stuck on that and base everything around high-school, go see a damn therapist or something instead of talking to a random girl trying to have fun and have a family on the internet (that I don't have IRL, at least not a good one, mind you.)
I get it, trauma fucks you over, 100%. But you don't put that on others to make yourself feel better, because it makes you look like an absolute asshole, nor can you use your mental illness as an excuse to be an asshat. I have anxiety, and the signs of PTSD and BPD, but I'm not hating on good people or others living their life. If anything, I'm fucking hating the ones hating on others or me for no goddamn reason. I don't delete comments of hate, I respond to them. Not because I want drama, but because I want to protect my FAMILY. I draw the fucking line at messing with the only people who have showed me love and kindness since I was fucking born. You also can't blame all women or say all women are whores. Because you'll be shocked to find A LOT odf women aren't hoes trying to get laid, but ladies living their lives, it is not all about you and your struggles.
And now the final things I will address. Selfshipping/Fictional dating (+fictonal crushes) is a coping mechanism. I have boyfriends (multiple, I'm poly), but I still selfship and hell, so do they. Alexis is a grown married woman who self-ships. Addie self-ships. Selfshipping comforts you, and you can't be mad at people who have fictional crushes or F/Os BECAUSE LIKE YOU HAVE, IT'S A DAMN HOBBY. A FUCKING HOBBY, IT'S A DAMN HOBBY. THAT'S ALL IT IS. You don't get to dictate what people do just because you can't get fucked and those "metaphors" didn't help and just pissed me off more, you were pretty much asking for this rant, "hun".
TL;DR of this post, Your arguments were bullshit and basically you throwing a hissy fit over your life sucking when you basically shit on a ton of people to make yourself feel better, seek some real help if you think it was a good idea to dump all this on someone you don't know, go away and never touch this blog again. Thank you.
~ Sincerely, Angel.
3 notes · View notes
angelnumber27 · 2 years
Note
It’s a long shot that I could ever hate myself, I love myself — highly doubt you could say the same. You’re the one whose addicted, let’s not forget that. I see your posts and remember how fucking terrible you are. All you do is project, I wasn’t even talking about any subject matter; was literally just calling you a fiend, fentanyl whore.
awwww hahah ooooooookay lmfao whateeeeeever you say 🤣🤣🤣🤣 keep telling yourself that honey. if you loved yourself even in the slightest you wouldn’t send ugly hate anons to someone who doesn’t know you! That’s not how loving yourself works <3 you’re rancid and hateful and soooooooo MAD and that’s that :) I don’t do this gross childish shit like you and love myself more than it seems you could ever love anything. You have an ugly heart and a nasty ass attitude.
unfollow me if my posts make you remember how “fucking terrible I am” (false lmaooooooo) name one time I was “fucking terrible” baby girl.. if IM terrible what does that make you? Demented evil and irredeemable.
Would genuinely LOVE to hear what someone like you considers terrible and would LOVE to hear what you’re referring to. Because this is entirely unprovoked projection and I know for a fact I’ve done nothing to your random irrelevant ass. Clown.
I’m not the one projecting. My ask box literally says “don’t project” so I know you most definitely didn’t even know the meaning of that word bc clearly you dont have a very extensive vocabulary, so you just copied what my inbox said ☠️ And how dense are you that you cannot read the dozens of times I’ve mentioned that I am NO LONGER ADDICTED. You even got the drug wrong damn fool🤣 Haven’t been for almost a year and just watch, that’ll turn into several years. I’m so sorry (not) that that makes you SOOOO angry. But guess what? It has nothing to do with you. You have nothing to do with me. (Thank GOD) You’re someone who can easily be so UGLY even to strangers which makes me feel horrible for those who know you in real life and all of the other kind people/addicts in recovery you stalk and harass. You need to work on yourself a LOT, you need to try a LOT harder when it comes to reading comprehension and you need to start educating yourself (for once evidently) so badly and to find something better to do all day than taking the time and energy out of your day to do this childish immature ass shit. Are you nine years old? Have you never in your life known anyone effected by addiction? Id be surprised if you didn’t. Hope you don’t treat those people like you treat people on here. And do you just not have the mental capacity to understand that when someone gets clean from something, it means they’re no longer taking it? Like you really don’t get that???? LMAO. Do some extensive research and go to therapy regularly. You need it. This behavior is beyond disgusting, really hope you heal your ugly heart! 🖤 have a good life being horrible judgmental hateful bitter and jealous! None of that is my fault, or anyone else’s (it’s.. yours.) so you should stop taking all of that blatantly obvious self hate, pure ANGER and extreme insecurity out on people you’re jealous of or because of whatever disgusting urge you can’t control to attack people who don’t deserve it at all and are worlds better than you.
Why don’t you go try to do what I was on for four years and try to even go through 1/10000000000 of what I’ve been through. Doubt you’d survive in the first place. But keep speaking from a place of absolute idiocy and keep living your sad life of being unable to feel empathy :( You could NEVER do ANY of what I did, getting and STAYING completely sober from the most additive deadly substance on the planet at home by myself with no medical help. I did something beyond incredible and no matter what nasty people like you say, I’m so proud of myself and always will be :) as I should be. Clearly you could also never experience the extreme pain abuse and trauma I have and still be kind and loving to others (but you already knew that) you’d off yourself if you’d been through even the tiniest fraction of what I have. I’d hate myself too if I was like you :( so sad and horrid and SOOOO ANGRY. (Only difference is I wouldn’t take that out on other people who are doing better than me because I’m not an awful cunt) hope you don’t have anyone around you physically (I’m sure you don’t lol bc truly why would anyone want to be around that) because you obviously don’t have a shred of empathy or basic decency in that angry ass body of yours. I feel bad for you, it must be so hard to wake up this ignorant bitter and jealous every day.
I hope you get the professional help you desperately need to heal from your vile ugly heart and horrible personality bc this is so repulsive and so are you! If you need help finding therapists in your area I can send you links! :)
6 notes · View notes
system-of-a-feather · 2 years
Note
I want to thank you for writing about your persecutor. I don't have DID but the way I handled the abuse was by becoming very mean and, well, "evil", and it worked! The abuse didn't stop but it became less severe. Ad it has been awful to unlearn the behaviors that saved me. Combined with the shame, it makes me hate myself most days. It feels better when I see other people having the same experiences. ❤️
(gonna just put a disclaimer that I am probably saying shit that isn't the "most healthy" at some point cause I'm not giving a shit and my filter is kinda off so like, I'm kinda just speaking my mind, good shit and bad, so like, obligatory "I have an egosyntonic disorder and I'm speaking my mind so theres probably Disordered Stuff here but idgaf enough to do more than put a disclaimer on here"; I think I might start using the tag "pd hours" if anyone wants to filter that)
I technically don't consider myself a persecutor even though I have persecutory tendencies, but that aside glad to share. Tbh I run on the life principles of hide nothing and never sacrifice your own self for the sake of others or anything, so I'm unapologetic for who I am, sometimes to a point people might call it a problem, but quite frankly that mentality was key and vital in the past and has been serving our healing and recovery massively.
We have another part in our system that ran a similar function and dynamic but they have a history of actually feeling shame around it due to how the systems previously treated it and honestly, if you are feeling the same, then Ill say what I said to them and tell you that you really dont have to and shouldnt have to feel that guilt and shame for survivng effectively in a way and environment that was inherently abnormal and abusive.
Fuck the narratives of shit like "eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" and crap. 9/10 times it comes from people who haven't lived through the shit themselves and like to judge what they think they would do in the situation cause they have a moral high horse, and that 1/10 times that it comes from another survivor it comes from someone who coped and survived in a different manner and is on a high horse as a defensive "us vs them" mentality (ex "narcissistic abuse"). And if its not either of those two groups, fucking bitchasses didn't live through the same shit I did and don't know what the fuck they are talking about regarding my life and should keep their fucking noses out of it.
If there is anything I learned from surviving what we did, it's that my life is here for me (collective) to live. If anyone that isn't a part of "me" wants a say or judge in my fucking life and life story then they can quite frankly go stick their nosey noses up theirs and fucking leave. If people can't respect the fucking strength that comes from surviving that crap just because you "uwu became mean" then they can really just fucking get lost
Don't let anyone fucking make you apologize for living and being alive, and as a result, dont let anyone fucking make you be sorry that you did shit and learned to be a way that kept you alive. Your life is yours to live and you have a right to do what it takes to defend it.
Like political XIV moment here, but any person that runs a system (not DID, just like general term 'system') that puts people in a place where they have to struggle to survive, that said person should expect misbehavior, lashing out, and a sense of chaos and instability. People struggling to survive will inherently fight back and anyone who thinks that is wrong is just fucking stupid. Its a natural thing to do and a natural instinct. Anger, rage and destruction is an adaptive response to people encroaching on your life, your boundaries, and your basic human rights and needs. If anyone fucks with any of those three, they should be expecting retaliation
You don't have to retaliate and those that don't are completely valid and that survival mechanism should be respected as long as they don't throw others under the bus, but anyone who tries to shame those for retaliating are honestly assholes I want nothing to do with cause lowkey radiating so much "me centric" capitalistic privilege.
But anyways, I digress.
Long story short, you don't need to feel like shit for surviving and being alive. Your life is yours to live and you have a right to defend that in whatever means is necessary. Anyone who says otherwise can shut the fuck up cause they don't know shit about you or your life, especially if you are working on fixing it.
Besides, evil and good and morally right and wrong is really just bullshit social constructs to control behavior and force assimilation but thats a whole separate ramble of mine.
-XIV
5 notes · View notes
abiiors · 1 month
Note
ok i had a full nights sleep. i am coherent. i am fixing to copy/paste the tweets here for your enjoyment. its a lot.
ok so parx twit had a “trend” on unpopular opinions about the band during the sneaking out of heaven tour (their most recent one) one person said this
“Had to be said. You forgot his over dependence on nyquil and sleep drugs that borderlines abuse, he claims he's straight edge though ✨”
she deleted and posted a noted app apology
“Hey friends, I'm writing this to you, not just as an apology for writing dumb shit on twitter with no thought behind it, but to also share that I do suffer from my own personal addiction to pain medication, and have been since I was 17. Addiction is a real thing, it's a problem and it should be talked about, but not at the expense of others and making baseless assumptions. We all know where false acusations can lead, and it's never a good time. I've been reflecting on my previous inflammatory tweet about Awsten and his use of Nyquil and I want to say that I am truly sorry for my, dumb, offensive and very thoughtless tweet. I didn't stop to think before I wrote something so dumb and hurtful and I'm sorry for that. I'm not perfect, l'm human and I make mistakes. I know I fucked up hard and I'm sorry to anyone that was offended by my words. I can delete a tweet, but I can't take away the fact that I wrote it, and that it's out there causing anger to people, so l'm acknowledging that, and owning my mistakes. I am also very greatful to the people that took the time to educate me on this, I always appreciate any guidance. Moving forward I want to do better, internet etiquette is hard to get right especially when you're in a fandom spanning multiple generations and culture's but l'm definately gonna try harder.”
awsten saw the tweets and now that tour has been over for a while he has responded.
“HEY AND BTW WHEREVER THAT ACORNBRAIN WALMARTMOUTH BREATHING TWITTER DULLED CLOWN IS AT THAT SAID I HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM BC I TAKE ZZZQUIL TO SLEEP IN A BUS ON A THIN ASS MATTRESS, I APPRECIATE UR CONCERN AND I HAVENT HAD ANY SINCE TOUR ENDED, YOU CURED ME OF MY ADDICTION”
“GET COOKED WORMBREATH DUMBASS !!! I HOPE YOURE LIKE 14 BECAUSE IF YOURE OPERATING LIKE THIS AT FULLY GROWN, I FEEL SO SAD FOR YOU HAHA PAINT DRINKER”
he quoted a tweet with this after that.
“THIS AND THEN SELF-RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE SMELLING BLOOD IN THE WATER SWOOP IN TO PAT THEMSELVES ON THE BACK AND ABSOLVE THEM LIKE A PRIEST SAYING "we weren't trying to cancel u we wanted to hold you accountable thank you" LMFAO0000000 I LAUGH EVERY TIME, ITS A FULL CIRCLE OF STUPID”
“it's either a notes app apology or an "i'm taking a break" and they go priv and come back in like two days” ^quoted tweet
he also tweeted a picture of a confessional with “you are… forgiven”
“DUMBEST HILLS HAVE EYES MUTANTS ON HERE WILL BE LIKE “uM personally i think he is so immature and Anyone should be allowed to say Anything and Everything at All Times with no repercussions” SIKE BITCH THIS IS THE REAL WORLD OPEN YOUR EYES”
the person who tweeted what hes talking about is between 32-34 and followed them for a majority of the us tour. they flew in from australia for it. somebody tweeted the photo of the tweet that caused him to say that cropped so the persons @ was cut out and his response to that was
“NO MORE CROPPING NAMES, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, WE SHAME IDIOTS, WE SHAPE THE FUTURE”
“WORLD PEACE
IM OUT”
her response to the paint drinker shit was
“loved waking up to you caling me an idiot, thanks Awsten. This fucked up my mental health something fierce and put me in a really bad place”
“Woke up and burst into tears, thanks Awsten”
and a “Awsten what the fuck”
hold on ill link a few of my favorite tweets from the situation because now what the fuck tweet is a whole fuckin joke.
https://x.com/lowkeyashan/status/1782178428982059407?s=46
https://x.com/aioevera7/status/1782185227428729005?s=46
https://x.com/tantrxmbee/status/1782170160209531077?s=46
-🦞
okay what i'm about to say might be a bad an unpopular take because i only have the context that you've given me in this ask so idk if this user used to be disliked before this, or used to be beloved or super popular or whatever else.
anyway i think awsten is... in the wrong here.
this is not to say that the user who tweeted about his alleged drug addiction is saintly and pure and innocent, that was a fucked up tweet to make regardless of if awsten would have seen and/or responded.
however... if i was a popular celeb with a wholeass fandom i would NEVER say these things publicly like sure i understand being mad that someone is talking to flippantly about drug use and speculating about your drug use online but then to go ahead and call them a bunch of names as well as essentially weaponise your fanbase in a way where they're now making memes about this person, making fun of them etc. i'm glad they're not 14 like he said but he didn't know if they were 14 or not, what if they were super young... what if someone who's barely a teenager had to deal with this not only from someone they adore but also from a whole fandom they considered their own??
anyway... yeah i hope tweetuser is fine and i'm glad there's no addiction here. ooofff that's a messy situation wow 😬
0 notes
artisticmenace · 5 months
Text
talking abt my characterrss!! read if you want im just letting it out. might be interesting yknow. if anyone really cares too much. spoilers for the comic im going to make if anyone was really wsnting to read that. probably not but just in case yk
Starting off with my two boys from Those Days(and other characters)
Scott: so he was supposed to look like this one guy i kept seeing on pinterest and also jareth the goblin king a little bit but because of the time its set in(and also the fact that his dad is initially thought to be a homophobe) he cant be as flashy. he ended up looking more like inigo montoya.... but i kept his purple crystal earing as a token of his gay witchy king design history. he himself is meant to act a little homophobic despite coming out as a bisexual late into the plot so his design fits. he does wear makeup though. smudgy eye makup done in dark eyeshadow in fact. after the gay subplot and main plot come to a collision he'll get witchier. post high-school i think he and rodney will end up getting fashionable. hes also meant to be a touch self centered. he idolizes his dad to the point he feels he cant be "soft" at all. his dad doesnt care though. he keeps this tough guy routine to the point of not being emotionally mature enough to comfort people that well. scotts fighting habits will kick him in the ass. design wise i need to change his style of clothing a little bit because i think i want this to take place in the 80s.
Rodney: rodney is based on this one guy i had a dream about, and probably all the fanart I've seen of martin from tma. he was originally going to have the same haircut as scott and be thinner, but neither of those design choices were fun, and i wanted to make a short chubby nervous guy instead. his internalized homophobic crime is "my mom is a dyke but because people think that will make me gay i cant possibly be gay because i want to be not like my mom because her gfs are all terrible and" well he might trauma dump a little after that. rodney never met his dad but because of that he had to endure lots of terrible 'stepmoms'(his mom never married them) and they would steal from her and he would get blamed and boom bam child abuse. a lot of people say he turned out better than expected, and he really hates thinking of what he could've done. despite being a great baseball player, he is relentlessly bullied for having a lesbian mom. no one knows exactly who found this out or how. he is equally as much muscle as he is fat, and he's quite strong. unfortunately, he'd rather take the hit than fight back for fear of punishment, not so much from the school but from his mom. scott eventually finds out about Rodney's constant mistreatment, and that's when he decides to let rodney stay with him a while(around their second year of knowing each other). Mr. Haverford just accepts that rodney lives there now as hes super respectful and doesnt say much.
Lucy Campbell: her design should really tell the reader where they are because shes 80s as hell. shes scotts ex. shes kind of a dumb person in general but she knows how to influence people. i dont know how or if ill ever introduce her but she does tattoos and piercings at her house which is by a convenience store named "Myrtle's". Scott goes there sometimes. he doesnt like her anymore and she doesnt like men anymore so they just sit around and smoke. sometimes they drink and talk about life.
Susie Marshall: shes a nice person. she tutors lots of kids including Scott. scott and rodney stop going to her house after scotts dad says susies dad is a really good aim and might shoot them even if they're just there to talk about school. shes pressured into a very isolated and tidy lifestyle by her parents and doesnt really enjoy living.
1 note · View note
xoxo-teddybear · 3 years
Text
Bakugou Turns Into A Dog - Bakugou Katsuki
Bakugou x f!reader
Warnings: Fluff, crack, lowkey pervy Katsuki, cursing, (writing not spell checked!)
BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST
Request: Bakugou’s been hit with a quirk that has given him the body of a dog. He’s still has his own human thoughts and voice but now..he’s a dog. Just how will he abuse his new power with f!Y/N
It was supposed to be a normal day! Well, as normal as it could get for UA. But of course, trouble just had to strike, and of course the ones at the center of it all was the infamous Bakusquad. More specifically, the man the group was named after.
“I-...I can’t believe that actually just h-happened!” A cheerful blonde cried out as tears fell from his face and laughter rang out from his voice.
“C’mon man, don’t be laughing at what just happened. This is serious,” Kirishima said with concern as he looked down in his arms.
“Are you serious? This has got to be the best thing that’s ever happen since we met Bakugou!” Kaminari replied with while once again dying of laughter.
“IF YOU DONT SHUT THE HELL UP RIGHT NOW SPARK PLUG, I’LL BLOW YOUR ASS TO BITS!” Bakugou barked out.
“Oh yeah? With what quirk lil pupper?” Denki slickly replied while booping his nose. Bakugou’s been making fun of Denki for the longest, this was the perfect revenge. His dear friend has been turned into a dog! Not just any dog, and not the dog you would expect. He wasn’t a german shepherd or rottweiler. Katsuki Bakugou sits in Kirishima’s arms as a fluffy, blonde, angry pomeranian.
Luckily, kinda, the only thing that changed about Bakugou was his body. He could still speak and understand the human language and he could still think like one too, but now it’s all that in a fluffy, round, adorable body. Now, he was all bark and no bite......sorta.
“OW!” Kaminari yelped as Bakugou latched onto his finger and growled. Passerbys watched as the young group of teens watched their friend throw his hand around in pain with a tiny floof dangling on it. Kirishima went in to grab Bakugou and calm Kaminari down.
“Damn, you little rugrat,” The electric blonde started, “just wait till Y/N sees you, she’s gonna die.” Kaminari teased. Once those words left his mouth, Bakugou’s puppy eyes went wide.
‘Oh hell no!’
Kirishima saw how his friend was shaking in his arms and grew concerned so he asked, “hey man, are you alright there Bakubro?”
Bakugou was extremely nervous. He couldn’t let his longtime crush see him like this! Like a weak, soft, puffball! If you saw Bakugou like this, the second he’d turn back to his normal self, he’d dive out the nearest window anytime you were around.
The entire Bakusquad knew of Katsuki’s little (HUGE) crush, and the fact that one of them was now able to use that information against him mortified the lil guy now.
“Aww c’mon Denki, that’s not very nice,” Mina said as she pet Bakugou’s little head before he snapped at her hand. Thankfully, she dodged it.
“Yeah well Kacchan hasn’t been very nice either! Damn mutt nearly bit my finger off!” This received a growl from Bakugou, which was unsurprising pretty normal.
“At least the cops told us the quirk will ware off in two weeks.” Sero stated. Kirishima joined in.
“Yeah. Sheesh, I still can’t believe what happened. That random criminal really jumped outta nowhere.” The red head said.
“Tch, I still can’t believe someone could be stuck with a shitty ass quirk like that. Turning people into pets. Ridiculous.” The blonde dog said.
“Imagine what it’s like being on the receiving end of that quirk. Must be just as ridiculous.” Mina teased.
Bakugou jumped down from Kirishima’s arms before speaking. “Yeah! No shit Pinkie!” He said while standing on his hind legs and motioning towards his new body with his front paws as if he were human.
——————————————————————————
As the group made it to the front doors of the dormitory, Bakugou stopped them before entering.
“Listen up dumbasses! Nobody better say SHIT to Y/N. Just say I’m some random dog found on the street and you guys opted to take care of me till you found me a home. If she asks what happened to me, tell her I was forced onto a trip with my parents. Got that?!” Bakugou strictly spoke.
“Got it!” The group said in unison, but a certain blonde had a different plan in mind. As they entered through the doors, Kirishima hid Bakugou into the side of his jacket but it only made comical sense that you were the first person to greet them.
“Oh! Hey guys!” You said with your award winning smile as you walked towards the group. Before anyone could say anything else, Kaminari spoke up.
“Hey Y/N! You wanna guess what Kirishima has in his jacket?” Denki exclaimed.
“Oh, no I’m sure Y/N has better things to do!”
“Maybe she shouldn’t,”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,”
The 3 friends were throwing out excuse after excuse to keep you from seeing the little devil.
“Woah woah! Hey! You guys! Chill. If you don’t want me to see then I won’t force you. It’s fine.” You kindly said.
‘Whew’ the squad all thought
‘She is so awesome!’ Bakugou thought while in the jacket
“Oh c’mon guys, show her the puppy!” Kaminari said. Now that grabbed your attention.
“Wait? Puppy?! That’s what you guys are hiding. Awww no fair!! Can I please see it! Please please pleaseeee!!!” You begged. After your constant pleading and the squad’s constant denial, Bakugou thought he could just give in this one time. He knew that his friends would cover for him and say he’s just some random dog and you would drop it so he began to stick his snout out of the jacket. Kirishima took it as a sign to show him to you.
“Oh my goddd!!! It’s so cute!!! Boy or girl?” You kindly asked while petting Bakugou’s head, something the dog was enjoying a little too much.
“It’s a boy,” Kirishima said. “We found him on the street so even though we’re kinda busy we wanted to take care of him and heal him up till we can find him a new home.” Mina added on.
“Guyssss c’mon!! Tell her the best part! Tell her exactly who that dog is.” Kaminari begged. The Bakusquad including the dog looked towards Kaminari with a warning look, but Kaminari didn’t care. The ultimate revenge starts now.
“Y/N! That’s Bakugou!” Kaminari exclaimed. As everyone started denying it, you looked towards the dog and saw that it did resemble Bakugou a lot, but then again Bakugou did look like an angry pomeranian time and time again.
Before you chose to listen to one or the other, you weighed your options. Kirishima the chivalrous and honest, the manliest man, or Kaminari the jester himself? It’s was obvious who you were gonna listen to.
“Oh stop that Kaminari. Bakugou may look like a fiesty fluff ball from time to time but he’s not really a dog.” You said while petting the pupper’s chin. Everyone sighed in relief at your words.
“But that’s really-“ Kaminari was cut of with Sero wrapping his tape around his mouth.
“Hey if you guys need a healer, I could use my quirk to help out with that. It may not be a full on healing quirk but it should help the little guy. Plus, I don’t mind spending the next...?” Kirishima helped you out.
“Two weeks,” he said.
“Right, I don’t mind spending the next two weeks with the little cutie.” You said. The dog’s eyes went wide at that as a plan came into mind but the Bakusquad once again started denying, saying it was fine but you insisted since Mina just previously said they were all busy. Throughout the chaos a VERY human like sound came from the creature in Kirishima’s arms.
“Woof.” Bakugou said with such a casual demeanor. He said ‘woof’ in such a human like voice, it was absolutely absurd. As everyone looked down at the dog, the only thing that could be heard was Sero awkwardly giving out a cough to break the silence.
“Ok...well umm that may be a sign that he’s ok with me taking him!” You said with an excited smile. Kirishima looked at the dog and as Bakugou looked back up at him, his best friend knew that he should give you the dog.
“Ok Y/N, he’s all yours. But you’re right about one thing. Since he does look like Bakugou, we named him Blasty, so that’s what you should refer to him as,” he said while placing the dog in your arms. The pomeranian was excited as what appeared to be a small smile showed up in his face and he squirmed around in Y/N’s arms, cuddling up against her pillowy breast.
“Awesome! For the next two weeks, it’s me and you Blasty!” You said while carrying Bakugou in the air facing you and looking at him. He was too cute so you pulled him in for a hug and kiss on his little head. Everyone could see Bakugou had a smug look on his face.
“Alright guys! I better get to healing him!” You said as you ran off with the pupper still holding a smug look, this time directed at Kaminari.
“Looks like your plan backfired dude,” Sero said.
“And it looks like Bakugou is gonna be enjoying these next 2 weeks a little too much,” Mina said and the group shared a laugh. Well, except for Kaminari who was kinda irritated that his revenge failed, but happy for his friend nonetheless.
——————————————————————————
Once you got back to your room you placed Blasty on your bed and started to check him for places where he needed healing.
“Huh, looks like you’re not really injured Blasty. Oh well, that’s fine! Just means I can spend more time with you without having to worry!” You said while rubbing his head. Bakugou leaned into your hand with a small and then rolled onto his back for belly rubs. He was hoping you would pet him some more but you didn’t.
“I’m sorry Blasty, but you need a bath before you hang around anymore. Let’s go!” You picked him up and he was wide eyed and bushy tailed. A bath. Whatever. As long as he got your attention. You placed him in the tub but realized you would be getting your clothes dirty, so you changed into some pajamas you wore the night before that were sitting in your hamper in your bathroom. Basically, you changed right infront of Bakugou. He was staring at you as if you were a meal. As you undressed infront of him he saw you in your panties and bra, matching of course, and damn your body was the exact definition of perfect. He licked his lips as he stared until you put on a cami top and black booty shorts.
“Damn..” he whispered.
When you came back to Bakugou you went down to his level and began to scrub him. You reveled in your touch and soaked in the hot water. When you took him out to dry him off you looked at the time and noticed it was pretty late.
“Alright, I guess we should head to bed. I’ll put on a move and we can sleep. Here, let me go set up some pillows for you to sleep on.” You said as you grabbed your spare pillows and placed them on the floor for Blasty.
As you got into bed you felt a little movement on your mattress. Apparently Bakugou hadn’t appreciated being on the floor. He wanted to sleep next to his future girl. So when you turned over and looked at him, he gave you puppy eyes.
“Oh...why the hell do you have to be so damn cute,” you said as you picked him up and placed him on your bed. Bakugou cuddled up in your chest and took in your delicious scent. You both drifted off to sleep while Bakugou was just having happy thought.
‘This is gonna be the best 2 weeks of my life!’
——————————————————————————
Ohhh what a week. You thought taking care of Blasty would be fun and exciting and adorable but it was that and more. It was also kinda frustrating. The damn dog would “bark” and growl at everyone, especially guys who tried to talk to you, and would only eat human food. He refused dog treats and never wanted to approach other dogs. Hell, this dog didn’t even go outside to use the bathroom. He went into the actual bathroom! Oh and don’t even get Y/N started on the “barking.” That dog had the most clear and humane “woof” any dog’s ever had! Another thing! This dog’s behavior is a little outta line. When Y/N would shower, it would try to follow her in and just sit there. When she would change, it would lay on her bed smiling and staring at her. When she would sleep it would ONLY cuddle into her breast or booty and one time when she woke up in the middle of the night, Blasty was up too. Again. STARING. What is up with this dog?
——————————————————————————
“Ugh!” Y/N said as she face planted the table. Her lunch completely disregarded and the Bakusquad (minus Bakugou because apparently he had to go on a trip with his parents...or so you thought) watching as the blonde mutt poked around her head on the table.
“Having fun there Y/N?” Mina asked to which Y/N replied with a stare and a twitching eye.
“Blasty is INSANE!” You roared out. The Bakusquad and Blasty (aka Bakugou) watched on. “Don’t get me wrong, I love having the little guy around but he has some weird habits for a dog. He won’t eat like a dog, use the bathroom like a dog, interact with other dogs, and don’t get me started on the barks! I’ve never heard a dog say WOOF like a human,” you took a breather before continuing, “another thing, Blasty is a lowkey perv sometimes. Well if he were human at least, but he has perv tendencies. Like the staring whenever I’m a little underdressed or in the tub or SLEEPING.”
With that rant, Bakugou felt his ears fell and he backed up into a corner on the table. He was starting to feel insecure. Had his crush really thought of him as a pervy little thing? When you saw Blasty’s reaction, you noticed he might’ve understood what you said.
‘Can he....no there’s no way.’ You thought about the dog. Was there a possibility he could understand everything you just said?
“Oh Blasty, don’t be so dramatic. I’m just saying, for a dog, you’re a little weirdo, but it’s okay because for the time being, you’re my little weirdo. I still got love for you!” You said while holding him up in the air. Once again, the dog had a reaction to your words.
The squad was starting to notice the gears in your head turn and Kirishima quickly took him away for a little “walk.”
“Oh hey Y/N, why don’t you finish your food and I’ll take Baku- BLASTY! For a walk. Yeah, maybe he needs some outdoor exercise.
“Oh no Kiri it’s fine I-“
“THANKS!” The red head said as he dashed out the cafeteria with the little floof. Oh well, might as well enjoy your last few minutes of peace.
——————————————————————————
“What the HELL SHITTY HAIR!? She was all up on me back there! You didn’t have to drag me away!” Bakugou spoke as Kirishima held him from his armpits.
“Sorry man, but you were the one who said you didn’t want your cover blown and she was starting to figure it out. And c’mon Bakugou, she knows you better than someone who would go on a trip with his parents. Not only that but your looks are so obvious. What dog had red eyes and spikey blonde hair?!?” The red head explained. The blonde dog only crossed his arms in a very human like manner and turned to the side.
“We’ll be fine, the quirk will ware off in another week so get over it. Besides, there’s no way she’ll know! We have everyone that was there covering it up for me. It’s fine!” Bakugou replied.
His best friend sighed before saying “alright man, if that’s what you want,” and placed him down to head back to the cafeteria.
“Thank you! Jeez, now let’s get back to the cafeteria. I wanna have lunch with my Y/N.” Bakugou walked on all fours with his head held proudly.
“You may be a tiny dog, but that huge crush on her that you got going on is still going strong,” the red head said.
“You’re damn right, Shitty hair!”
As the boys walked, they didn’t know that from around the corner, Y/N heard everything.
‘Bakugou?! Quirk??? CRUSH?!!?’ Oh this was too good. With this new information, Y/N walked off with a smirk and a plan.
——————————————————————————
The next few days passed and like always, you work up with Blasty, oh you mean Bakugou, on your chest. You slightly smiled knowing this past 2 weeks, your crush had been coddling over you. You got even more excited knowing your feelings were mutual. You woke up and got ready for the day.
Now, the same thing happened as always. You got up and went to the bathroom to shower and Blasty would follow. He would watch you undress and step in the shower and step out and change. You would pick him up, hold him tight, kiss his forehead, and then be out the room. This time, your routine felt a little different knowing it was actually Bakugou staring at you this whole time.
Oh. He had seen you naked multiple times. You didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or flattered. Oh well, he kept on staring is he must’ve been enjoying the show, except this time, you actually gave him one. You slowly stripped outta your clothes and made slight and soft R-rated noises as the warm water hit your skin. You bent over as you put on your underwear and slowly got dressed. You couldn’t believe yourself. Serving these looks to a dog.
Bakugous cheeks would be so red under that fur, the way you moved this morning was everything. He didn’t even notice the drool slipping from his mouth. As you stood there in nothing but your panties and bra, you turned towards Bakugou. And idea came to your head.
“Hey Blasty! You wanna help me pick out a look today? We sure are lucky the school staff has an all day meeting! Free day for us!” You picked Bakugou up and held him against your nearly bare breast. Bakugou just had to rub himself in between your mounds a little, and you noticed this, and released a slight whine.
“Mm..hey Blasty, stop that.” You placed him down and dressed into a mini skirt and tube top. You matched with a pair of everyday causal heels and went out with Bakugou following along. He would walk directly under your side and look up. He enjoyed the view of your lace panties and the jiggle of your ass everytime you took a step. Man, was this a perfect Friday or what?
Well it would’ve been if it hadn’t been for a certain Icy-Hot. What Bakugou didn’t know, was that you texted Todoroki the previous night to help you with this little plan of yours.
“Hey L/N.” Todoroki greeted you with kid kind eyes and gentle smile.
“Todoroki, stop that. I told you that you’re one of the people who can call me Y/N.” You said.
“Well alright, then I insist you call me Shoto in return.” He said.
“Only seems fair!” You said with a giggle to which Todoroki stared at.
“You have such a beautiful smile.” He complimented. You blushed at his words, especially since Todoroki really wasn’t one for..umm..emotions.
“Thanks,” you bashfully said while stepping a little closer. As Bakugou watched this whole interaction go down from below, he couldn’t help but release a small growl. No way in hell is Half and Half taking his girl!
“Actually, there was a reason why I called you over.” Todoroki said before speaking again. This caught your attention and Bakugou’s. “I was wondering if your wanted to go in a date with me. Tonight. It could be really casual and we could even do a small movie night here in the common rooms. Just you and me. What do you say?” He asked. Bakugou was fuming.
“A date huh? Mm, I’m sorry Shoto, but I’ve actually kinda been waiting for Bakugou to get back.” You said which made Bakugou flip his head towards you.
“Bakugou?” Todoroki asked.
“Yeah. I’ve had a small crush on him for awhile, and I was hoping my first date would be with him.” You explained. The cartwheels Bakugou’s heart was doing in his tiny body was ridiculous.
‘She likes me back She likes me back She likes me back!!!!’ The dog thought to himself. His tail began wagging and his smile grew bigger than ever.
“Well I heard he’ll be gone until Saturday,” Todoroki started, “so how about just for tonight, I keep you company with a movie, maybe some chocolate, maybe some flowers, and see where the night goes?” He asked. Bakugou snarled at the two toned boy with his fangs until he heard your voice.
“Sure!” You said.
“Really?” Todoroki asked.
‘Really?!’ Bakugou thought.
“Really!” You said, “Bakugou will be gone for another week so I see no harm in hanging as friends!” You smiled once more.
“Great! This’ll be amazing Y/- OUCH” Bakugou had interrupted Todoroki by latching onto his leg and holding on with his life as Todoroki did everything he could to shake the blonde mutt off. You reached for “Blasty” before apologizing to Todoroki.
“I’m sorry, Shoto. He gets like this sometimes.” You explained.
“Ah..no worries. Uh, I’ll see you later tonight?” Todoroki asked you.
“Yeah, definitely. See you then!” You said as you walked off with a grumpy pomeranian in your arms.
‘On every level. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?’ Bakugou thought to himself as you carried him away.
You walked into your room to with Bakugou to freshen up a little for your date with Todoroki. A little sprits of perfume here, a dash of blush there, and a little tweak with your hair. Your outfit was cute enough for a friendly little date. As you turned to Bakugou, you saw his sad puppy face.
“Oh, don’t worry Blasty! I’ll be back in a few hours! I’ll see you soon, ok?” You said as you kissed his forehead and made your way to the common room. Just before the door shut, Bakugou slipped out with you. If he couldn’t be on this date with you, then he’d just have to ruin it for Todoroki.
As you finally came in contact with the handsome boy, he greeted you and spoke of your plans
“We’ll be watching a movie, but we gotta get some great snacks first.” He said.
“How about just some popcorn and candy, they’re already right here in the dorms. Come over here and help me prep!” You said pulling on his hand and dragging him to the kitchen. Bakugou didn’t take too kindly to this and quickly went to tear Todoroki’s jeans and bite his ankle.
“Ouch!” Todoroki screamed in pain.
“Are you alright?” You looked around and saw his lower leg had been damaged.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just a scratch.” He said reassuring your troubles.
“Well alright, if you say so.” You said and resumed your snack prep. But that was only the start of this horrible night. Throughout the date, Bakugou tortured the poor boy and did everything he could to ruin the little get together. He ate the popcorn and candy while your backs were turned, he chewed on the wires to the TV, stopping you guys from watching, and even peed on Todoroki’s leg while you guys just sat and talk. Although Todoroki saw this coming with Y/N’s plan, he had enough of torment from Bakugou. He decided to move into the final plan, right here right now.
“Y/N, you’re an amazing girl and any guy would be really really lucky to have you,” Bakugou watched this little speech from afar, growling at the two, “and I know you’re waiting for Bakugou, but since he’s not back yet, I kinda just wanna end this night with something special.” He said as he began to lean in, you had no intent on stopping him. Seeing this, Bakugou began to run towards the couple with every intent on stopping this kiss.
“HEYYY!!! Those lips are reserved for me!” Bakugou screamed and you both turned towards the little dog. Bakugou jumped into the air to leap onto Todoroki and at the strike of midnight, His body turned into a human again (fully clothed, don’t worry) and fell on Todoroki, making them both fall back.
“You stay away from my girl, icy-hot!” Bakugou said while on top of Todoroki, clinging to his shirt.
“She’s all yours, you angry pomeranian,” Todoroki said as he escaped and ran to his room. Bakugou only looked back at you with a fierce smirk. He walked up to you, grabbed your face and pulled you in for a kiss that you happily returned. He pulled away after a minute and began walking with you hand in hand.
“You’re mine now.” Bakugou said
“Whatever you say....Blasty.” You snickered.
Bakugou turned his head in shock. “You knew?” He asked.
“Of course I knew. I knew Blasty was you, I knew it was you whenever you stared at my naked body, I knew it was you whenever you cuddled into my chest, I knew it was you when I overheard you speaking like a human to Kirishima. It also helped that I just watched you transform back to your normal self. But me knowing it was you was the whole reason why I came up with this plan with Todoroki. It’s about time you made a move on me, Blasty.” You said with a teasing voice.
Embarrassed and frustrated at the fact he’d been caught, Bakugou let out an outburst.
“YOU FUCKING TEASE!” he screamed with his hands holding little explosions.
“Yeah, but now, I’m your tease. And it’s ok, because I know you like me. It’s easy to tell with that kiss and whole possessiveness. But that’s fine, because I really like you too Blasty.” You said with a smile as you wrapped your arms around his neck and Bakugou returned it with a smirk and a hug.
“Damn straight, Princess.” He said as he held onto you tight. “You’re mine.”
A/N: y’all this is not spellchecked bc after the week I’ve had, I just couldn’t. I’m sorry if this isn’t to your liking but I had to finish this so I sloppily wrote it down. I hope you enjoyed it at least! See you next time Bear Cubs💗🧸
1K notes · View notes
Note
Hiya! I hope youre taking requests right now because ive had an idea rattling around for a minute Id like to see!
I adore Levi but sometimes his manipulative personality gets to me - and he almost gives off some incel-like vibes sometimes 😅. So, what do you think would happen if Levi gathers his courage and asks MC out but they have to let him down because theyre already dating another brother (like mammon or someone levi is really annoyed by). I feel like Levis reaction could be dangerous because of his envy and self deprecation-turned-anger
I hope youre having a great day and be sure to drink lots of water 🌸🌸
*looks at third cup of iced coffee* water... that's probably a good idea.
okay but highkey when I first met Levi I was so creeped out. definitely has some incel vibes, especially in the beginning. ive ranted abt how he reminds me of really toxic nerdy guys before (post here) and its super creepy some times.
but his toxic ass is still my favorite so lets brake this scenario down for some unhealthy funsies shall we~
Tumblr media
I think it would depend on a mix of how Levi saw your relationship, and which brother it was. (he would handle you dating Mammon worse then Satan, for instance)
for Levi to ask you out in the first place is a lot for him, I dont think he would explicitly do so unless he was primarily sure you were going to say yes. and his self esteem is destroyed after (it'll probably take him a couple hundred years to build it back again)
now if he takes it okay (which, he won't like blow up at you or his brother, at least not at first) he will mostly just slink away and not be seen for a couple weeks. probably stops talking to you out of embarrassment. he will hold a grudge against you and whichever brother, his jealousy bubbling in his belly every time he sees the two of you.
if hes trying to maintain a healthy mindset, he will completely dive into fiction as an attempt to get over you. poor baby waited to long to ask you out and as a result he was already in love with you and now hes morning his broken heart. he fucked up big time as being "just friends" wasn't an option anymore baby was already in to deep.
oh and if he fails at this, or your brother of choice is someone he already despises, things will go very differently.
warning: yandere themes, tw for mentions of physical assault and psychological abuse under the cut
I think this is the quickest way we would end up with a yandere situation in the devildom. if Levi couldn't handle who you were dating things would turn bad really quickly.
he would still lock himself away, unable to face you from his embarrassment, but instead of amercing himself and trying to forget his envy hes going to start plotting. I dont think the man gets enough credit about how fucking good his plans can be.
sure hes an Epic Gamer TM but hes also a war vet. how many ships has he lead to their doom, willing to pay the price to further his goals.
hes a master at strategy, and envy is a hell of a motivator. he doesn't just desire you, oh no that's only one small part now. now he needs to take you away from his brother, from all of his brothers. you are no longer a person but instead an object for him to collect and put on his shelf. a specialty one of a kind piece he refuses to loose to anyone else.
you probably won't put the pieces together until its to late. until someone is dead or close to it. until your bones are broken or, if he can manage it, your mind instead.
Levi would like to trap you in a game, something outside of the physical world where no one else can reach you. leave you trapped like a monster inside a pokeball until your mind cracks. but if that isn't an option hes not apposed to breaking your physical bones, or removing your limbs if needed.
oh and your "Prince Charming" won't be coming to save you. Levi will make sure of that. he may be the third brother, but he is master of the seas. he will hide you away where none of his brothers can reach. maybe even dragging you down to meet Davy Jones himself, legs sewn together, holes sliced in your neck. there's some story about a mermaid who was turned to sea foam after losing her beloved to another... but Levi doesn't plan to make her mistake.
85 notes · View notes
scaramouchesbf · 4 years
Text
BNHA MANGA 291 SPOILERS
(I GET MOST TRANSLATIONS/INFO FROM @.atsushi101x ON TWITTER)
Title: "Thank you for being fine"
TW CHILD ABUSE, OVERWORKING, DEATH, SWEARING
This chapter we got the rest of the Todoroki family reacting to Touyas reveal and pictures of baby Touya :))
Lets start with the other Todoroki siblings reaction to Dabi coming out as Touya
(THEORIES + PICTURES BELOW)
Tumblr media
(is this a bad time to talk about how pretty Fuyumi is)
We know Touya and Natsuo were the closest as kids and he seems the most hurt by this.
A lot of people were theorizing that Natsuo knew about Dabis plan but this proves otherwise (there is still a chance but its a LOT less).
He was watching the broadcast and seems really hurt by this (mfer HUG ME I LOVE U), while Fuyumi was in the classroom and the school staff had to call her.
Tumblr media
We all believed Endeavor forced Rei to keep getting pregnant until they had the "perfect child" but this scene shows that Rei was the one that suggested it.
I wonder if she ever regretted that choice.
Even with both Fuyumi and Touya not having the quirk Enji wanted. at the time he was okay with that as Touya already had a more talent that him.
Tumblr media
BABY TOUYA BABY TOUYA !!
translation (text on full picture that i cant find): "if its you" (I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS !! AT ALL !!)
We see Touya burning his own skin, so his current scars are probably self inflicted.
Enji noticed that part of Touyas hair turned white in this picture, which he at the time didn’t take seriously by saying ‘No way, I’m a grandpa?!’.
Tumblr media
He quickly moved on after that.
translation of this scene (not by me) below
"You possessed a fire power even greater than mine."
"Nevermind that! Show me your special move!"
("special move" can also be seen as finishing blow/ ultimate move)
It seems that Dabi wasn't abused from a young age like Shouto, but this doesn't mean that Enji was any better at parenting him.
Tumblr media
Oh god look at this ANGEL !! I LOVE HIM !!
Not shown here but we're told that Touya 'died' in a "Sekoto dake" (Im sorry I have no idea what that is but its described as a fireproof place where Endeavor trained him) with temperature reaching 2060C, its implied that Endeavour wasn't with him at the time it happened.
They only found a piece of lower jaw bone. (DABI ARE YOU OKAY BB WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR JAW ???)
Tumblr media
Back on the battlefield Endeavour didn't believe Dabi, but this smart bastard showed his DNA test with a 99.99% match, the results were broadcasted. Who the hell gave Dabi a DNA test? I have no idea.
He used the blood he had gotten from Endeavour in the kyuushuu encounter for the test.
The rest of the league of villains were shocked, saying it was the first time they heard about this.
He also explained his view on Endeavour, the way he was using them, Shoto's birth, and saying that Endeavour never thought of anyone but himself. He asked the public if such a person was worthy of having the NO.1 hero title.
Tumblr media
The kyuushuu kid didn't want to believe it, but Dabi began to expose Hawks by showing a video of him killing Twice.
The fact that Dabi was RECORDING this leads me to believe he may have known about Hawks being a traitor and that Twice would die.
Tumblr media
He told the public that Hawks killed both him and Best Jeanist. He then went on to explain that Hawks father was a villain (more specifically a serial killer and robber) and Endeavour picked him up.
In the broadcast he said that he cannot forgive Endeavour for being a man with such a dark background and becoming a hero.
Hawks wings are still burnt off but Tokoyami is taking care of him. Cause hes a GOOD BOY !!
Tumblr media
Endeavour was too shocked to move while Shoto was screaming at him to move back, he said that him and Nejire will handle Dabi.
EVERYONE STOP HURTING SHO CHALLENGE. (please give him forehead kisses and cold soba after this he deserves it)
I mean... even heroes have to cry when they need to.
Tumblr media
While Endeavour was still not moving and Shoto was in a panic, Dabi jumped towards Endeavor, most likely to kill him, ‘Thank you for being fine until today’.
Dabi was caught by a wire, before Best Jeanist appeared (MFER WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD !!) saying that he will be returning to work. 
(WILL REBLOG WITH MORE PHOTOS AND STUFF SO CHECK NOTES !! )
429 notes · View notes
wp-blaze · 1 day
Text
First Lie Wins by Ashley Elston
Tumblr media
Evie Porter has everything a nice, Southern girl could want: a perfect, doting boyfriend, a house with a white picket fence and a garden, a fancy group of friends. The only catch: Evie Porter doesn’t exist. Evie can’t make any mistakes, because the one thing she’s worked her entire life to keep clean, the one identity she could always go back to—her real identity—just walked right into this town.
1 note · View note
antiloreolympus · 3 years
Text
10 Anti LO Asks
1. 'she might be 100+ years old and just mentally stunted to 19!' so i dunno if this was smythe herself or fans but like. really just throwing out the creepy age gap and IMMEDIATELY replacing it with ableism huh? who doesn't love infantilization of people with cognitive developmental disabilities <3 i'd honestly prefer they just kept her creepily young to the weird ableist sexy-little-baby alternative. they do understand how that makes it MORE abusive, right?
2. lo hades is really like "i HAD to enslave the mortals! its tradition!" as if he didnt invent the tradition in the first place?? also its deadass like my man are you BLAMING the slaves for being enslaved by you? lo hades is literally evil for that im sorry yall.
3. So this may be old hat, but can we talk about how after Persephone changed (shifted?) Minthe into a plant that Hecate comes in and 1). Sasses Minthe the plant 2). Is way more excited about revealing her "true form" since Hades + Persephone are doing it, then about the potential murder (plant crime?) That Persephone commited (and yeah, I know she doesn't like Minthe that much but still). And 3). Tells Persephone that Minthe the plant is "cursed" all while arriving late because she was busy leading Demeter on a goose chase instead of helping her find her daughter.
Like I get why Hecate said that Minthe the plant is "Persephones responsibility" to fix and/or take care of - but like, seconds later doesn't Persephone almost drop her? Is Persephone - who vengefully turned her into a plant in the first place - really the best option to be looking over Minthe?
4. To self-insert anon, the moment readers can notice that it's self-insert, then the author/artist is doing a bad job. Readers should be able to be immersed into the story and its characters. How can they do that when readers can notice that main character is self-insert, so it reminds them of author/artist, thereby breaking the immersion. LO comic is getting paid, so readers expect better of RS. Persephone is actual Greek goddess, even in fiction, I don't want to remind me of anyone else but her.
5. So Athena has to look male? Non-binary for women just means no boobs and wearing male clothes lmfao
6. Unlike that one anon, Chiron being a woman is something I find very fitting. Why would a rape victim want to go to a man or AMAB no binary person for therapy? Get a grip! Women’s safety comes before your gender politics. Speaking of men being triggering for rape victims, P’s closeness to H is totally unrealistic. Her rape somehow makes her swoon further into his arms rather than avoid him. Great🙄
7. tbh the only way i could get LO gods being SO advanced SO fast is if they had some OP prophecy deity or some creator god like, advancing everything for them because they can see and take stuff from the future or something like that. it really makes no sense currently that they have this advanced tech thats even more advanced than ours currently. it's even more confusing bc they still cling to old ideas like virginity, purity, SLAVERY, and absolute monarchies at the same time? like why??
8. Can anons please stop speculating on what possible trauma or kinks or other personal stuff RS may or may not have. It's invasive, creepy and none of our business. (Love the blog!)
9. Lindsay Ellis has a great analysis on how women in media are often stripped from her positive qualities via-trauma to converting them into #yasqueen #girlboss characters and how some people call that the epitome of feminism, obviously she called that trend when she reviewed about Game of Thrones and the character of Sansa, unfortunately, I'm seeing this same trend with Persephone in LO, I will not be surprised if Rachel praises GoT ending in secret, I bet she and D&D will be very good friends 😂😂.
10. i honestly dont get why RS got hid of the glowing eyes/smoke her original concept hades had. it would have been some much needed visual interest to hades since all he looks like now is the disney hades put through the tumblr sexy man machine and it did a bad job. despite being literal gods with powers they lack so much mystic or actual fantasy to them, you know what i mean?
28 notes · View notes
wh6res · 3 years
Text
Tumblr media
“𝑰’𝑴 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻, 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑶𝑵𝑳𝒀 𝑺𝑨𝑽𝑰𝑶𝑼𝑹.”
part of the 21 ways to kill your lover collab hosted by the lovely miss solange @du0tine
Tumblr media
pairing. entity! xdj & f! reader | word count. 5.4k
synopsis. he wasn’t a god, he wasn’t a devil, and fuck, he’s surely not an angel, but he will be your saviour and your light ‘till kingdome come.
warnings. tread with caution. yandere/possesive themes, religious themes, violence, mentions of gore, swearing, mentions of ptsd, mentions of physical abuse, a lot of character deaths, manipulation, stalking, and implications of suicide
disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think xiaojun from wayv would act like this in real life.
Tumblr media
a soul’s vulnerability gives him strength. he has scourged far and wide and has yet to encounter a soul as interesting as yours. he never thought a heart filled with hatred and a fragile mentality can be such a sweet combination. xiaojun would be stupid not to latch his greedy talons onto you.
he hides in the darkest corners of your room at night, unseen and unheard, just watching over you like a predator to his poor unsuspecting gazelle before diving into the anticipated chase. 
he moves in with you into the cheap apartment you got for yourself here in the big city—which he thinks is an awful move because of how lonely it’ll be. but hey, it wasn’t anyone’s fault that you got chased out of your own home by your stepdad, your very own biological mom too scared to say a peep of defense to your name. 
your downfalls became xiaojun’s highlights. 
he would’ve felt sorry for you after finding out about that abusive old man. ugh, he scowls. your stepdad makes the entity’s blood boil and he doesn’t even have blood to begin with. the same man who holds the bible in his left hand when he preaches sermons for the people, is the same hand he uses to hit you across the face. 
the same hand he uses to pull at your hair. the same hand he uses to punch your gut. the same hand he uses to shove your mom down when she tries interfering. 
xiaojun may hate men of god but above all, he absolutely detests the kind your old man is—a faker, who thinks he can get away with the shit mess he’s making. xiaojun would never take that preacher’s murky soul even if he offered it to the entity voluntarily. fake. fake. fake. fake. fake. xiaojun should’ve killed him. xiaojun should’ve slit his throat. xiaojun should’ve torn his eyes out—
ah, ah, ah.
he can’t afford to make you any less vulnerable than you already are, now, can he? after all, he can be anything you want but he’s no angel. 
so he watched from the sidelines. 
watched you cry. watched you bleed. watched your scars form. watched the hate and resentment you have for your own family fester in your heart until it grew to a size you can’t hide within yourself anymore. 
and then you left home. 
xiaojun has to admit, for a second, maybe leaving home will make your soul unworthy, will break the mold he’s already had of you and will completely spoil his well-thought out plans.
so really, he can only scoff when he watches you walk around the apartment wearing that pretty dress on a sunday morning, darting around with calculated steps to shove everything inside your bag to go to church. the dress hangs nicely against your skin but he’d rather you stay and wear nothing. 
maybe you’d finally find contentment and happiness in this place, in this city, on your own. soaring high without a cage, without someone to hold you back—these things fill his thoughts like a plague until you come barging back into the door 30 minutes later. 
he’s been watching you long enough to know church service wouldn’t end for another 30 minutes or so. xiaojun’s eyebrows quirk up. why would his fragile little gazelle come back oh so early? but his question is immediately answered when he detects your shaky breaths and the unshed tears in your glistening eyes
you’re suffering the post-traumatic effects your shit stepdad has caused. seeing another preacher must’ve been a trigger, he thinks, eyeing you with a look on his face. xiaojun felt a little stupid. of course, swimming to the surface will be tough with all that trauma anchoring you down.
it’ll be tough, indeed… so why not sink you even deeper?
it didn’t take much energy for him to start manipulating your dreams. every nap, every deep sleep, he’d replay all the horrible things your stepdad has done to you and he realizes how dreams depicted from his perspective took a larger toll on you versus the ones from your own point of view—witnessing for yourself how weak and helpless you had been seemed to chip away bigger parts of you, he notices. your terrified screams when waking up in cold sweat getting louder and louder with every passing nightmare.
he pushed, and pushed, and pushed until you were standing right at the edge of sanity. until you start questioning your own self-worth and judgment, the invisible chains of the trauma too strong to break. until your radiant skin looked deathly, with gaunt cheeks and white lips. until you developed a fear of sleeping because no, you don’t want to witness those horrors again. no. no. no. no, please don’t hit me—
xiaojun can’t help but admire his handiwork but no, he doesn’t have time for that! 
the next time you fell asleep you had been desperately holding onto your 5th bottle of gatorade like it was a torch breaking through the darkness. you’ve intake so much of the energy drink that your body has grown used to it. you would’ve switched to caffeine, but from how much you drank it prior to the energy drinks, your blood is practically coffee at this point. 
“you’re living in my house now, young lady! i’d like to see some respect from your or i’ll fucking beat it into you!”
“stop! please. hit me instead, hit me!” 
“this is all your fault, bitch! how can you raise one daughter wrong? no wonder your husband left you!”
murky and black, you can’t even see the bottom at this point. it keeps pulling you down, and down, and down, until you couldn’t breathe. until your head feels light. until your heart beats erratically within your ribcage as you fought to the surface. 
with all the negative emotions surging through you in thunderous waves, it’s a wonder how no other lonesome, starving entity has latched onto you like xiaojun. although realistically, he was here first, as if he’ll let any other being like him go near you.
it took a greater amount of energy to twist and manipulate the plotline of certain events in a dream. if xiaojun hadn’t grown strong from all your negativity, he’d never be able to do it. 
he can never forget the day he first appeared to you in a dream. to have you cling onto him as you willingly took his hand—not that he was caught by surprise, anyway. every second of every hour of every day xiaojun spent plotting your demise has led to this fruitful day of “meeting” you for the first time. 
“i’m right here,” he said, shaking fingers tracing over your cheeks. a soft caress you have never experienced. 
the man in your dreams is someone you’ve never met before—you’re positive that you haven’t because you’d never forget a face as handsome as his. he appears like an angel casted over divine light, with a soft smile that can cure the plague as he offers his hands for you to take. it was beautiful, how your nightmares turned into dreams the moment the mysterious man arrived. 
how’d you ever know, that the hand you grabbed is the wolf in sheep’s clothing?
it’s sad really, how you’ve only managed to escape one horror only to jump into the next but xiaojun can’t find it in himself to feel bad. well, maybe a little, it’s a fleeting thought. something that disappeared as quickly as it had passed by.
it was only after a few weeks of constantly appearing in your dreams did his plan start to backfire. the change in your behavior isn’t subtle, either, and it angered him all the more. he didn’t see this coming, not even from lightyears away.
simple to say you’ve grown a little more… how can xiaojun put this into words? well, a little more outgoing. adventurous. meeting new people and going to new places and experiencing new things. he can see everything as clear as day—you were healing from your past, leaving the dark chapters in your life to write newer and brighter ones that revolved on having actual healthy relationships for once. 
his seething anger of his failed plans had made all the windows in your apartment burst into thousand little pieces. if you had fine china dishes displayed on your kitchen cabinets he would’ve broken those too. how can you go against him like this? look at you all happy and smiley even as the room turned ice cold because of xiaojun’s suffocating presence. you never even thought once about it—how naive. 
tormenting you through dreams isn’t working anymore. xiaojun has to up his game if he wants to break you down and revert you back to that paranoid, sensitive, and frail self that couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t talk to any other human being without feeling the ghost of your abusive step-father’s hands against your skin. 
who says he can only control you through mind games alone? after he’s done what needs to be done, grief and self-pity will go hand in hand. a combination so cruel and heavy on your shoulders that xiaojun can already savor the metallic tangy taste of victory. 
“no! yeji—!”
xiaojun watches unblinking when he makes one of your new friends walk out the sidewalk and right into an overspeeding car. 
tires skidding across the pavement, the breaks not working, glass shattering, bones cracking against the force of the hit—dead, right on the fucking spot.
he’s never heard you scream that loud and he shudders in pleasure as the vibrations of your shrill voice courses through his veins. 
he missed this, your complete and utter misery. 
but he wasn’t done yet. 
“don’t you think it’s a ‘lil chilly in here?” ryujin asks, looking over to your side before drinking the hot chocolate she prepared for both of you. 
grieving together with a friend can be good, hence why you’re now in her apartment a month later after yeji’s funeral. 
you answer after taking a sip. “no, not really.” 
xiaojun grins, giddy and a skip in his step while making his way towards you as he side-eyes your friend, who religiously drank her hot chocolate all the while bundling up next to you so you both can watch the movie together playing on the laptop. 
this one, well, he particularly doesn’t like this one. 
if your other friend was meant to be a casualty, a death borne from not one smidge of personal vendetta, this one, this ryujin is different. heck, he even remembers her fucking name.
no, no, no. xiaojun can feel his skin crawl as ryujin cuddles intimately closer as she stares at you from her peripheral, feeling out whether you’d react or not as she sneaks an arm around your waist. his anger turns a fever pitch, seeing you with someone else driving him up the wall. you were meant to be his sad and hopeless little gazelle and his alone.
xiaojun hoped the poison travels fast or so help him he’ll fucking rip her off of you—and he would’ve, when he saw you and ryujin slowly leaning into one another, head angled and obviously going in for a kiss. he would’ve, when one of ryujin’s hands come up to cup your face. he would’ve… until the poison reached its destination in her body, right when your lips were about to touch. 
ryujin’s lungs seized, breathing becoming an agent to her demise as the oxygen from her lungs disappear into nothingness. the last thing she saw is your horrified face, tears streaming. she swore you were shouting something, probably her name, but it’s overpowered by the incessant ring in her ears.
when her mouth foamed and she laid limp on the couch right next to you, you knew ryujin would never wake again to give you that kiss. 
xiaojun steps back to admire the havoc he wreaked. two of your friends dead, that should be enough to incapacitate you—whether it be permanent or not, he just wants to see you drown in misery. 
and as he slowly dissipates into the void, there’s a little smile on his face as he stares you down, burning the image of your histeria in his head, the echoes of your woeful cries music to his ears. 
Tumblr media
you never dared step foot out of your apartment. 
groceries were delivered to your door, trash is slowly but surely building up, and the place was a whole mess. the entity haunting you has never seen you this… shattered, even when you left home. it was like your brain has stopped working and your body turned into nothing more but a cusp of who you used to be. 
it’s scary looking in the mirror and not recognizing the reflection—so, you painted all of them black. it was an in the heat of a moment kind of thing that took place the moment you came home from the police station, on the exact day she passed away before your eyes. 
xiaojun just has to “misplace” a few pints of paint you had used from when you renovated the apartment in the past, putting the cans where you can easily see them and think that the idea belonged to you when in reality, it’s the entity that put the idea in your head. 
there was a blanket over your shoulder when you came back from the station. it wasn’t yours, they gave it to you while you sat opposite to a stoic detective in a cold interrogation room, yet you made no move to shrug it off even after arriving at your apartment, fingers clutching the fabric like a lifeline and refusing to believe whatever that had transpired in ryujin’s apartment. 
eyes unseeing, stumbling with your steps, back hunched with the curse of the universe weighing down on your back—xiaojun couldn’t’ve been more proud of what he had done.
Tumblr media
you were spiraling out of control. a self-destructive cycle you cannot seem to fight your way out of as your nightmares came back to haunt you. the tall waves of anxiety and paranoia drowning and pushing you under the surface. 
for once you don’t fight the current, you just let it pull you under. 
every time you close your eyes, you can hear the deafening screech of rubber tires against concrete before the car hits yeji. can vividly see the foams of the poison coming out of ryujin’s mouth as if it was caught on tape and is now playing on loop. 
your other friends have donned you as bad luck, cursed to have a fucked up life and will fuck up other people’s lives too if they get even as close as an arm length to you. too scared to lose any more people, you decided to completely push everyone away and had completely shut yourself out from the world beyond the four corners of your apartment. 
it’s like your trauma from before has come crawling back to you, only now, he brings himself a little friend called guilt. 
what are the odds that your two friends died after the other when the person they’ve each last spent time with was you? even the police found it too much a coincidence. if it wasn’t for the cctv cams in the corners of ryujin’s apartment, you’d be facing trial for a murder you didn’t commit. 
you eye the usb stuck in one of your laptop’s ports. it’s black, with an srj poisoning case written in red ink on the small patch of masking tape pasted onto the back of the plastic. 
after being stuck in an interrogation room for the last two hours, you had sneakily swiped it out of the detective's desk on your way out of the station. you remembered it was the usb with a copy of ryujin’s cctv cams, some underling busting into the interrogation room while in the middle of your questioning, holding the tiny usb between his fingers. 
your stomach churned when the detective looked at you spitefully, as if he couldn’t fucking care less of the evidence presented to him in a silver platter and would thoroughly take pleasure in throwing you in jail himself, guilty or not. the last look he shot you still sends shivers down your spine, the sharpness in his gaze as he regarded you. “you killed them. i know you did.”
a week of self-induced isolation later and you start to believe in it yourself. 
in the middle of screaming your lungs out and cursing the gods above for your sorry excuse of a life, you had thrown the usb somewhere in the apartment. not that you bothered to look for it right after, you were too busy wallowing in self pity before passing out on the living room floor. when you wake up, you’ve forgotten all about it. 
so it was interesting, seeing the usb again after days and days of wallowing in grief. you had fallen off the couch while in the middle of a slumber and you spotted the small piece of tech lying underneath it with the other empty coke cans. 
eyeing the laptop on the coffee table, you remember you haven’t taken a look at the evidence yourself—the detective had given you the stink eye when you tried shuffling closer to peep a look. carelessly, you shove all other objects off the table to pull the laptop closer. you plant yourself on the ground cross-legged, not batting an eyelash even when you feel the crumbs of chips against your skin. 
you boot the laptop on, thankful you’ve yet to forget its password, and plugged the usb in again. it was simple to navigate, to say the least, the folder popping up in a matter of seconds. you thought it stored a whole collection of her cctv footages but alas, it didn’t, saving you the time and energy scourging through unwanted boring files. 
hands shaking, you clicked on the video. 
and it was as if you’re thrown back into that event in your life that has now become a distant memory. the hug ryujin gave you when she opened the door, her words of comfort when you opened up about your deteriorating mental health after your friend passed away, and finally, the warm feel of the mug against the palm of your hand. 
wait a minute. 
you perk up from your seat, groaning aloud when your knee hits the underside of the coffee table at your haste, fingers darting around to press the back 10 seconds button. the sweat starts forming in your forehead and palms, making your hand feel clammy and disgusting but it was the last of your worries. 
did you see that correctly?
the quality is a bit low and the camera angle isn’t optimal. you can only see ryujin’s side profile but her glassy eyes are unmistakable and her actions look robotic at best. 
this is after she made your hot cocoa and had delivered it to your shivering, sniffling form on the couch, all bundled up snug and cozy in the blanket she provided. you remember ryujin winking as she walked back towards her kitchen after you thanked her. 
the way she poured poison in her own mug ruled her case as suicice. the evidence is right there in your face but the unease still sits heavy on your stomach and confusion clouds your brain like cannabis. 
this doesn’t make any sense. 
you knew her, ryujin. she’s never one to succumb to her negative emotions, always facing her problems with head held high. her overall mindset, in general, made her the last person you’d think would ever commit suicide. you’ve replayed the video a thousand times by now, still unable to wrap your head around the fact that she killed herself. 
having the sudden urge for another bottle of gatorade, you pressed the pause button as you try hauling yourself up with your arms. 
you pause. pushing your face closer to the laptop screen, rubbing at your eyes incredulously as you eye the corner of her kitchen. 
ryujin’s apartment isn’t that luxurious, nor is it too rundown, but there can be little exceptions here and there. 
like the cheap LED bulbs attached rather messily onto her ceiling, one of the six sources of light flickering on and off. you remember how many times you’ve told her to get it fixed yet she never really paid you any heed.
with shaking fingers, you replayed it one more time, hoping on everything you believe in that it wasn’t what it looks like. this can’t be it—how is that possible—
it’s him, the man who has appeared like an angel in your dream to sweep you away from evil. but standing in the corner, under the flickering lights of your friend’s kitchen, he looked anything but an angelic. 
your mind is going haywire, your body shook in confusion, and sweat started dribbling down your neck. you would’ve thought you made a mistake because how is this even possible? the angelic man in your dreams isn’t real—he can’t be real, he can’t appear like this when you aren’t even sleeping because he’s not real!
he can’t… right?
he doesn’t look too harmless, what with his hands crossed and leisurely leaning against the wall. but one look at his eyes and you know you’re wrong. even through the shit quality of the cctv footage you can still feel the fury and the absolute hate his eyes held as he stared her down menacingly, unblinking.
stared her down as she made her own cocoa, as she hunches down to open the sink cabinets to get that pesky rat poison, as she poured it on her mug, as she swirls the spoon around to mix the deadly concoction all together in a hauntingly robotic way that looked too much like ryujin was being told what to do.
and as you let the video play the rest of its content and felt like the tragedy was unfolding right before your very eyes again—you couldn’t breathe, panic gripping onto you like a vice, the sharp talons of fear sinking deep under your skin. 
you don’t register the coffee table toppling over in your haste to stand up. desperately putting a distance between you and the laptop as you turned and stumbled towards the hallway leading to your bedroom. 
you stop, pathetically landing on your knees before the open archway. if you hadn’t been shaking in fear before, then you surely were now. 
he’s here—can you even call it a he?
the man stands at the end of the hallway. in that similar, non-threatening stature with his arms crossed and body leaning against the wall. 
but the mischief in his eyes is enough of a warning. 
he’s come for you. 
he’s come to finish the job. 
“finally figured it out?”
you screamed, throwing the closest thing you can at him as you shuffle someplace else in your apartment. his laugh sounded pleasant in the ear when you were off in dreamland, but now? it sounded like nails grating against a chalkboard. 
your legs eventually led you to the front door. appearances be damned. you weren’t even wearing a bra and you haven’t showered for days but fuck no you’re not going to stay here with that—that—that monster!
“baby, don’t leave! the fun hasn’t even started yet!”
you grab the doorknob and twist, practically throwing yourself out into the hallway, eyes frantic as you stumble and land face first against—
sticky. the floor’s sticky and there was a smell you can’t seem to pinpoint. it’s tangy, metallic, and you can almost taste the scent yourself in your tongue and when you look down—you want to throw up. 
lying next to each other in pools of their own blood, lies yeji and ryujin side by side, faces towards each other. their eyes hauntingly empty and unseeing as they stared up at you. 
you shrieked, voice scratching against your dry throat as you threw yourself back into your apartment, the door slamming shut in itself. you didn’t care if there’s now a huge mess of blood staining the carpets on the foyer. you curl in on yourself, hair sticking to your face as you covered your ears and shut your eyes. 
“oh, my love…”
you felt his presence before you can hear him. 
a flashback plays in your head—hot chocolate, soft blankets, and a friend who you loved with all your heart. “don’t you think it’s a little chilly in here?"
you answered. “no, not really?”
the tears start streaming like waterfalls, mixing with the blood and sweat already caked in your face. ryujin knew, she felt it back at her apartment yet you disregarded her completely.
“it’s not your fault,” the entity’s hands are ice cold when he gently pulls at your wrist. “everything is as it should be. now, open your eyes. there’s nothing to be afraid of. i’m not going to hurt you.”
stubbornly, you shook your head as you squeezed your lids even tighter, refusing to look at the monster dead in the eye.
“don’t be like that, my love. if i wanted to hurt you, i would’ve done it a long time ago.”
you don’t listen, hunching and curling your knees even more against your torso as you try to block out his voice. it’s unfair how gentle it sounded but your blood ran cold when you realize this is how he got ryujin to poison herself, this is how he got yeji to walk in front of a speeding car—
“hail mary, full—full of grace,” you pray under your breath, shaking like a leaf. “the lord… the lord is with thee. blessed art thou among women…”
“you’re praying?” there’s an underlying mocking to e in his voice. “this is fucking hilarious!”
your incessant mumbling partnered with how you rocked your body back and forth, made something snap within xiaojun. he already stated he won’t hurt you! did he break you so much that now you’re unable to hear stuff properly, too?
“holy mary, mo—mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and—and at the hour of our death, amen. hail mary, full of grace…”
“stop.” his body twitches, having the sudden urge to pull all his hair out and burn this fucking building to the ground.
yet you continue. “the lord is with thee, blessed art thou among—among women and blessed is the… the fruit of thy womb, jesus…”
“i said stop, [name]. don’t fucking test me.”
“holy mary, mother of god—pray—pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our—”
you screeched in pain as your forehead comes in contact with a mirror, the sound of it shattering is deafening to the ears. his icy fingers let go of your nape, letting you fall hard to the ground. your ears perk up at the sound of streaming water. 
you weren’t in the foyer anymore, you feel cold tiles instead of the rough texture of the dirty carpet underneath you. eyes fluttering, you slowly pry them open, and the first thing you see is the faulty pipes found underneath your bathroom’s sink. patches of your clothes start getting wet. 
“you think a prayer of all things can stop me? i’m insulted!” you hiss when he grabs your face, hands so cold that it feels like you’re skin is burning off. “i was going to play nice.”
he pulls you towards him, hand encased around your throat. he shoves the open hair dryer into the half-filled bath tub as you feel him vibrate against you. “you don’t know how long i waited, how much energy i needed to appear to you like this.”
it’s with dread you realize that he’s actually giggling.
you whine, eyes feeling like it’ll pop out of their sockets when he squeezed your neck tighter. with a sudden rush of adrenaline, you anchor your wrists against his arm but it proves to be useless when he’s too strong. 
“please,” you wheezed. “i did… i did nothing wrong. let go—please.”
in the corner of your eyes, you stare at him from the mirror, stomach twisting in discomfort when you see him throwing his head back, eyes rolling up after taking a long whiff of your hair. “this—this fear you have, my love, only makes me stronger.”
“nothing… i did nothing wrong—please! please… let, let me go…” you’re starting to feel lightheaded, black spots floating around your vision. 
“nothing? are you sure about that?” 
you cringe when he licks up the tears in your face, toes curling at the sheer disgust you feel. but the words he spews next is far worse than the hand he’s wrapped around your throat. 
“didn’t you left your mom alone with that abusive asshole? didn’t you make yeji walk into that incoming car? didn’t you make ryujin drink that poison?”
he whispers them so softly, so gently that you almost mistook them as proclamations of love. 
“no…” your voice breaks. 
“yes. yes, you did,” he knew you like the back of his hand, knew what to say and how to say them for you to break in his arms. “you killed them, my love. you’re a murderer. you don’t even deserve to be alive after all of the things you’ve done.”
it’s almost pathetic how you shake your head, eyes closed, refusing to acknowledge the truth. 
“that’s… that’s not true…”
“you’re a curse to the people you love, the embodiment of they're suffering. don’t you see it?”
“stop lying!—”
“am i?” he retorts, maneuvering you around to face the mirror. you swore you covered the whole thing with black paint. “just look at yourself.”
oh, how badly he wants to shove your face against the mirror but he mustn't get ahead of himself. 
“did any of your friends even visit you to see how you’re doing?” no, they never did. he smiles like he knows what you’re thinking. “the answer is all before you now, my love. you need to see through the haze and accept it for what it really is. no one loves you. even the god you’re praying to didn’t answer. there’s nothing, no one, left.”
and for the first time since he has you in his tight hold, you stopped fighting. sobs wracking through your body as your shoulders slump and accept defeat. 
xiaojun automatically lets you go, cooing like a lover in your ear as he tucks you into his embrace. “you want this all to stop, don’t you? someone to save you?”
you nodded, unable to look at him as his hand came up to wipe away your tears. no one has ever done that for you in months ever since yeji and ryujin died.
“i’m here,” xiaojun says, running fingers through your hair comfortingly. “i’m your light, your only saviour. you want that, right, my love?” choice is a mere illusion but he likes keeping up with formalities. 
you fail to notice the steps he took towards the now overflowing bathtub, too lost in the new highs and lows of emotions you feel. 
“yes.”
it only took seconds to push you into the tub. its water buzzing with a live electric current brought by the hair dryer he dropped only minutes ago.
the effect is instantaneous. he watches your muscle spasm, your skin growing darker as the live water fries your body alive. quickly, xiaojun reaches down to lift your head out the water, not wanting to ruin your pretty face.
the last thing you feel is xiaojun’s cold lips pressing against your own, the gentle caress as he wiped your tears away… and the electricity finally passing through your heart. 
when the entity pulls away from your dead body, he only whispers three things—“mine, at last.”
117 notes · View notes
chrispaulcolfer · 3 years
Note
hi! i know you’re a chris/kurt stan, but i was wondering if you have any favorite blaine moments or blaine episodes? (also, i just wanted to say thank you for defending blaine/klaine so hard. so many kurt stans are so anti blaine and it really bothers me, so thank you for understanding where blaine is coming from too)
Hello there! General Kenobi.
Listen, I will defend Blaine Anderson on my death bed. The amount of shit people choose to hate him for is ridiculous and is more telling of them. Because there's enjoyment of enemies to lovers and then there's just extreme out of character "development" to make your enemies to lover ship seem like the better choice to canon because "omg abuse". Not here for it. Just enjoy your ship but keep the slander and hatred for Blaine Anderson out of it, wow so simple. Amazing.
Okay anyway. Favorite moments and episodes of one Blaine Anderson.
10. Never Been Kissed. I love his introduction. He grabs a strange dudes hand to take a shortcut, then pulls a fast one by being all "oh and by the way I'm a warbler so lemme serenade you real quick strange dude". WHO DOES THAT? It's ridiculous, it's perfect, and it's nice that he's introduced as someone who has also been through the hell of being bullied for something that defines him as a person, but still being the bigger person in the end and coming out stronger. He's there at the right time, the right place, and it's because of him that Kurt remembers he has a voice.
9. In season 6, watching him regain that confidence and stride that he had in season 2? Love it. It's nice to see that he went to therapy, stepped outside his box, and took a chance on something unexpected for himself (even if who he dates is stupid, and it makes me nauseous - I blame the writers for this stupidity and not the character. The character is just their pawn to get the viewers reaction). I like that he fights for Jane, I like how he confronts Rachel and Kurt and doesn't go easy on them in regards to the competition, and I like that even through the bullshit HE is put through he still doesn't let it consume him and make him into a bitter person. Plus, again, HE WENT TO THERAPY! I love that!
8. Dynamic Duets. Seeing Blaine take control of the school without anyone questioning him?! Amazing leadership. We see him being a great leader in other episodes, before and after this one, but this one really hits it on the head. He gets everyone to dress up as superheroes to help boost everyone's confidence, express themselves, and just get out of their box in such a creative and fun way. We see him struggling still with feeling like he fits at McKinley because the reason he transferred is gone and no longer his boyfriend. I like that we can see the struggle! He's lonely. He's depressed. He's trying so hard to be better at getting by, but we see the struggle emotionally and mentally. He almost transfers to Dalton again because he thinks it would be better for everyone. He has Sam now, and that's it (which, bleck blam, but it's still important this episode so whatever). We see how self-destructive he is but still comes out on top by doing something great for the community. I like seeing character development. I like seeing the tidbits of character thought process, because like Blaine I've been there. Wanting to feel apart of something where you feel WANTED not just accepted. — also this episode he shames Mr.Schue for not even noticing the trophy is gone which DRAG HIM ANDERSON!!! That hint of sass! LOVE IT. Also Nightbird as a whole? Yes. Good.
7. Puppet Master. I like seeing what would go on in Blaine's brain on drugs - is that weird? It's an interesting view into his subconscious. He doesn't handle things like everyone else with their fantasy world them being hot and desirable. Nope! Blaine wants to feel validated, appreciated, and interact with felt-people because real people have hurt him - but felt-people can't. Felt-people can be tossed aside without causing them harm. Felt-friends compliment his body. Felt-fiancé's do whatever you want (kinky - what were you going to do with Kurt puppet that night you tried to take him back from Sylvester, Blaine? Cheeky). I like this quirk. I just don't like the ending song, that's it.
6. I love his moments where he performs by himself or for Kurt specifically. There's something different about how he performs if Kurt is watching (Cough Syrup, Teenage Dream (acoustic & original), All of Me, Beauty School Dropout, Barely Breathing (though that's just a figment), It's Not Right) vs. when he's in a group number. He's good in every song he does, and maybe I just think he performs differently because I'm a sucker for the angst majority of those songs being but whatever. I like it.
5. Love the Blaine being dramatic as a whole. Remember his reaction to seeing Tina and Sam making out and then running down the hall? And how MUCH HE LOVES BUMPER BOWLING?! I do. It's amazing.
4. THE WHOLE THING WITH ELLIOTT!!! Why did they only have one scene together?! Elliott being so understanding, and supportive, and not at all thinking Blaine is this weirdo for just BARGING into his apartment the way he does. He just HANDS HIM A GUITAR and Blaine takes it and it WORKS. He lets Blaine vent, he doesn't take it personal, and then Blaine calms down and apologizes. AND THEN THEY JAM. The best thing. That friendship would've been god tier.
3. Also that sass. "Huh, that's so unlike you." "I would say bye, but I wouldn't want to make you angry." "Well, he's not coming out anytime soon." "Why dont YOU put it back because it's YOUR apartment?"
2. I also LOVE that he isn't perfect. I love that we see him struggle. It makes him more realistic. Seeing his body issues in season 5, the depression, the self-destruction, the people pleasing perfectionist, the meltdowns, the struggle - because we see him struggle and overcome it in the end. Despite everything he struggled with, he got his happy ending with his soulmate AND A CHILD. He's succeeding in life with a family!
1. Tested. The whole episode. His traumatic response to Kurt's traumatic response. His body and self-confidence struggles. His defensive attitude and self-destructing basically, before snapping that built-up wall and finally communicating with Kurt about what the underlying problem actually is. IT IS MY FAVORITE EPISODE FOR A REASON! For Blaine, for Kurt, for both of them. Because not everyone reacts to trauma the same! It isn't going to be pretty! It isn't rainbows and puppy dogs dancing on clouds. It's crumbling in silence, and trying to be stronger than you are, and shutting down, and not having processed something completely because life still goes on like the trauma never happened all around you. It doesn't stop. So you find ways to cope. Like eating too many cronuts that you gain more weight and start to slip down a self-loathing hill to the point where you make things up in your head because you're overthinking and not wanting to burden anyone, especially the person you admire and care for the most because then they'll be disappointed in you and that has to be one of the worst feelings. BUT IT ALL COMES TO A HEAD, and ugh. Love it. Dont care. I like the realism about it, angst and all.
44 notes · View notes
garrothromeave · 3 years
Text
the hell is mystreet season 6??
(warning, long post ahead)
ok so before i start this
1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end
2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember
3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares
4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 
5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.
haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass
ok here we go 
one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.
anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.
one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.
like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 
and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 
side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 
the actual thingy:
ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:
-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck
-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 
-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 
-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 
-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 
-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 
-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes
-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming
-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee
-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’
-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever
-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I
-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 
-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)
-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn
-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad
-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point
-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 
-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all
-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol
-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:
a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.
b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.
c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.
d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained
now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)
but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.
and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more
anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 
55 notes · View notes
ecoamerica · 1 month
Text
youtube
Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc
The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!
17K notes · View notes