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leftycanwrite · 6 months

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Death or rebirth

I've been meaning to write something about how it feels to turn 40. In French they call it "la crise de la quarantaine", the 40s crisis. Some people say it's when you reach maturity nirvana and don't give a shit what other people say anymore. For others it's a time when all the things you haven't done yet and meant to do feel too large a mountain to climb now.

Then when you feel all of those things at once, life feels insurmountable.

So what does 40 feel like?

40 feels like 30, like 20, like 10, but with more hindsight and more worry. It feels like the wind in your sails and getting the wind knocked out of your sails simultaneously. It feels old yet young, tired yet strong, disheveled but put together. 40 is a hot mess of beauty and adulting. And much of it self-inflicted.

And in between all the living moments you want to find yourself. Where did that girl go, who was she anyway, before kids, before a husband, before financial needs tied me down.

I dream of myself before. She was not perfect, oh no, she was far from it. She lied, cheated, stole a bit. She didn't kill anyone but she hurt a lot of people. On the surface, she was sweet, naive, but she learned quickly, my former self. about what the world was truly like. She conformed but she also broke rules, hearts, friendships, burned bridges and ruined many, many men.

Why do I dream of her?

She had the world ahead of her. To be reborn, which she tried to do many times, she had to kill her present self. Kill off parts of that present self that didn't help her to get where she wanted to be.

The first thing she killed was that stupid innocence. This was what got her into the most trouble. It wasn't her fault, being so trusting, but innocence left her weak, exposed to having to conform to someone else because she didn't know things for herself.

The rape did that. Once innocence was gone, however, there was a void.

Drugs, alcohol and men filled that void for a while but they were not long-term solutions. She knew this. It would require a really big change, an escape to another place....

I always liked France. I studied French, went on many exchanges all over the country, studied French cuisine, was a true francophile. I knew that if I were to overcome the unfeeling, self-abusing beast I was becoming that I would have to run far from the things that triggered her. A new language, a place where I knew no one, had nothing. This would be the way to do it.

But with this move came other things. It's like the old north wind, pushing Anouk and her mother around in "Chocolat". Sometimes you just cannot be tamed.

The old north wind has again brought that itch, right up to age 40. It tickles my mind, ruffles my feathers, makes me yearn to pick up and go again.

The one thing that trails along behind me, when I kill off part of myself and move forward, to try to be reborn, is that I can never get rid of all the memories. They remain like a stain on my life, that only my brain can go over and over again. I cannot share them with my husband, what would he do with all those stories? Am I ashamed of them or have I just lived my life?

I wonder do I really need to kill off parts of me to live? What am I running from? What am I not facing?

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tjenkehpala · 10 months

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“Ik ben altijd op weg naar huis; op weg naar mijn vaderland.”

Ik ben Martin Wenno en ben ik in 1941 geboren in Booij. Pappa Dominggoes Wenno, mamma Josina Fransina Hahury. Tijdens de oorlog had mijn vader getekend voor ‘t KNIL en met zijn 2e grote verlof ben ik met hem meegegaan naar Bali en voelde het, als kind, als een groot avontuur. Als gezin hebben we een heel trektocht gehad door het Indische archipel. Van Tjimahi, Timor (tentenkamp), Makkasar en uiteindelijk via Semarang naar Nederland. De overtocht met de boot ‘de Grote Beer’ was spannend en sliep ik met mijn moeder benedendeks, terwijl mijn vader bovendeks lag samen met zijn vrienden. Bij Port Saïd (Egypte) had ik de pokken opgelopen en moest ik 5 dagen in quarantaine. De aankomst in Nederland was een bijzondere ervaring, het land klein van formaat maar voor ons kinderen een uitdaging en een zoektocht. Mijn ouders daarentegen waren erg verdrietig en teleurgesteld. Ook in Nederland hebben we een trektocht gehad en heeft dit natuurlijk effect op ons welbevinden. Van Vught barak 7, kamp Baarschot vlakbij Hilvarenbeek (aanvankelijk voor de families uit Kei & Tanimbar) en vervolgens naar Kamp Schaffelaar in Barneveld. Ik heb even, tijdens mijn studie aan de Mulo, bij familie Tahalele gewoond aangezien mijn ouders later zouden komen. Deze tijd zal ik overigens nooit vergeten. Het was aangenaam en veilig. Ondanks dat ik altijd werkzaam ben geweest als tekenaar constructeur ben ik later via de wijkraad consulent bij de Sociale Dienst in Barneveld geworden. Ik heb met diverse Molukse talenten gewerkt. Zo ook met wijlen Does Pesulima van stichting Hitam en heb ik met hem vele projecten gedraaid. Does had een talent om projectmatig goede plannen te schrijven. Ik ben trots om een Molukker te zijn. Als anak kampong grootgebracht in Booi heb ik van dichtbij onze cultuur mogen meemaken. Onze familieband, onze pelaschap en onze gebruiken. Ook in religieuze opzicht hebben we het vermogen één te zijn. We hebben veel rijkdom maar realiseren ons dit niet altijd. Mijn huidige generatie zou ik willen zeggen; wees jezelf en blijf altijd bescheiden. Onthoud goed wat het Molukszijn inhoudt. Wees trots op jezelf. Je Molukszijn moet je dierbaar zijn. De jonge nieuwe generatie(s) moet je eigenlijk aan de hand nemen naar de Molukse normen, waarden en gebruiken en daaraan gekoppeld onze geschiedenis. Hierin aan ons de taak hen tegemoet te komen.

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irrfahrer · 1 year

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🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

༓･*.☽25 OC QUESTIONS☾.*･༓

Six months after the Battle of Endor Ziv gives birth to twinpups: Ullr and Thrud. As they are born in the Quarantaine Zone on Dathomir, the girls are actually per definition native Dathomirian, as they were born on the planet. So yes, in her Star Wars Verse, she has two daughters eventually, who were definitive not planned or expected because they were fathered by the Kiffar Thore who very obviously is a Near-Human and very much not a Tynnan, so the children were not only concieved cross-species but also cross-kingdom. For very obvious reasons Ziv had not expected to have the pups- for one she does not feel any emotional pull to other members of her species (which obviously she thought would be the only people she would be able to concieve with) and also as a Member of the Jedi-Order, she had never had the wish to have a own family because her duty lies with the people of the Galaxy, the whole Galaxy, and not only the two pups who popped out of her. She eventually does adjust, accepts and steps up to her duty as a Mother in combination with finally becoming the Warden of the Murakami Orchid and by that redrawing from the Galaxy to keep the Orchid and her pups safe. Ziv stepped up to her duty, but she had not planned having children of her own for one because of the direct danger (Tynnan having the weasle problem in the manner that they easily develop bonecancer with an overproduction of estrogen as happens during Heat) and because she was happy serving the people around herself as a Healer and had no need for a biological family on her own or let alone a legacy. She loves her daugthers and she is eventually happy at the end of her journey, but she had not expected her journey ending with her having a family of her own and not becoming a JediKnight.

On a complete different sidenote: Ziv works as a midwife not because it is her work, but because it is her passion and while she is a very good and reliebable andperfectly trained healer, she studies excessive to be able to fullfill her role as a midwife. Accordingly she also enjoys working with the young children she delivers and watches over for as long as the family wants her service and help in the first years. She is very good at it and researchs keenly on the cultural backgrounds and traditions of her patients to give the children the care they need during and after pregnancy and birth. Also Ziv is a very fluffy, adorable looking Tynnan who has the metabolism of a squirrle on crack and who purrs in the exact frequenze that supports the healing of tissue and bones, so infants and small children love cuddling up to her and Ziv as a Healer is not above to use her species features to make her work more efficient.

#is Ziv abe to have pups from other crossspecies relations? Probably. BUT SHE IS NOT GOING TO TEST THAT.#HER BEST FRIEND IS CONTRACEPTION #ziv worked for 20 yars as a midwife #she also did not noticed for over half a pregnancy that she was expecting #those two statements went hand in hand #irrfahrer #Ziv Odiz' Zee

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autumndesk · 3 years

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17h02 ; 30 june 21

my second semester is already over; it went so fast! i received my grades two days ago, and i managed to maintain an average of 85% throughout this entire academic year! i worked so hard this semester, and i am só proud of myself for not giving up. hence, i treated myself to something nice, and i am just going to relax for a few days! :)

i hope everyone is doing good, and stay safe with all this crazy weather that is going on

#studyblr #studying #student #law studyblr #law school #university #study space #study #studyspo #study inspiration #study motivation #study desk #studying in quarantaine #food #macbook #laptop #desk

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studyvari · 4 years

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hyia

Yep, I’m back again. I am home during these times to be with my family and actually have some company. And also, I’ve started writing my masters thesis officially now. Still waiting on some results from the past semester. So far, I haven’t gotten the greatest marks, but I’ve passed all of my exams..

I’m still trying to figure out new routines during my time at home and I feel like I’m not always best at motivating myself to do some work. However, I’m moving forward and searching my way through the jungle that is online literature (Since all libraries are closed which may be a problem over time...) But for now, this will have to be enough, and I have lots of material which i can work with, so I guess I’ll be fine!

#studying #studyvari #studymotivation #studyspiration #studyspo #studying at home #studying in quarantaine #master degree #master of arts #Master Thesis #Thesis Writing #study study study #study time #studyblr challenge #studyblr problems #universityblr #studyblr community #studygram #study mood

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woopwoopmeme · 4 years

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fatimazohraa · 4 years

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blossombun-ee · 4 years

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it's time to...

get yourself together

fix what can be fixed

improve your thoughts

read more books

indulge in self development

work on your moods

get stronger and healthier

work on yourself

work on your happiness

be full of self love

improve on your weakness

be comfortable about growth

outgrow yourself

be who you were meant to be!

motivation for quarantine?

#study motivation #motivating quotes #motivatingwords #motivasyon #motivating myself #motivation #quarantena #quarantine #en quarantaine #covid2020 #covid 19 #covidー19 #covid2019 #coronavid19 #corona update #corona virüsü #youcandoeverything #you can do whatever you want #youcandoanything

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thestudytea · 4 years

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I'm going to work again...

After some time to reset and to find myself again I'm going back to work. There are still some tasks to complete and also, when I go to school again, I don't want to feel like I'm behind. I still want my brain to function properly, so now I'm working on my condition again. There are some goals I would like to achieve...

Getting up early. When school starts, I want to get up at 6am and not at 6.30/6.40. This would give me time to prepare for the day and make my life more positive and less stressed.

Eating breakfast. Now that I'm staying at home, I eat a yummy and filling breakfast everyday, but during school time I don't have time (because I sleep in, unfortunately). Breakfast is just my favorite part of the day.

Drinking hot lemon water. I heard this is healthy and fills you with energy, so I'll try it.

Going to bed early. Sleep is really important, if you want to wake up early. We all know that 7-8 hours sleep per day are crucial for your health, both mental and physical.

Planning my day. I know, if I plan my day, there is no way to procrastinate.

Eating healthy. What you eat is sooo important, because your brain needs the right energy to complete all the tasks you want. Often, my meals are nutritious and healthy, but my snacks are far away from that. Now I have the chance to fix that.

Reading more books. I am definitely a reader, but I have phases when I'm reading every book in no time and I have phases when I don't want to pick up a book. What I want is consistency to read more books.

Staying (and getting in touch again) with friends. I'm definitely not one of the people that texts a lot, but during quarantine, I've kind of lost the connection a little bit. Still, friends are really important.

Being more calm and positive. I don't know, if I really have to explain this one. This is just the only way you can thrive.

Sooo, this was just a little update, kind of. I hope, I could inspire some of you, if you lack motivation. It's just too hard to find it when there's nothing going on in life.

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soumacrazy · 4 years

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❤❤❤❤

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camstudyblr · 4 years

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Just woke up and my first thought was coffe, time to drink and read a little bit. ☕📖👓

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stydblrrh · 4 years

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مع الحجر الصحي لا يجب ان نهمل دراستنا اهمالا تاما❤️

لكن بالمقابل خذوا وقتا لانفسكم لاتجهدوها بالدراسة والاعمال، اعتنوا بانفسكم وبعائلاتكم اجعلوها فرصة للتعارف، ان تعرف نفسك اولا ثم محيطك.. الثقافة ايضا، بل الثقافة اولا ابحر في بحر العلوم واختر منه ماشئت، اخلق نقاشا مع غريب، احضر دورات في المواضيع التي تهمك (او لا تهمك... لايهم)

كيف تقضون وقتكم في الحجر الصحي، وكيف هي اخبار المذاكرة؟

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irrfahrer · 2 years

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“I think I need to go to medical…” (from hera)

"Syndulla-", Ziv held up her small paws in an utter indignated unspoken question and also used this gesture to put her paw in the Twi'Leks back to support her if needed:"-am I a kriffing joke to you?" The hangar around them was busy, the different clonetrooper linee moved around them in sync as if these men were each just blocks of white plastoid. and between those marching people the hangardroids moved cargoboxes on the different shipsbeeping loudly between th loud drums that were the troopers footsteps. The two girls looked with their padawan clothes and different height fromthe clons so very qrong in the harsh artifical light falling into the hangar.

"Like, seriously, there had been medical knowledge and practics stuffed in my brain since I was six years old and I had been preforming surgerys, worked in pandemic quarantained planets, and lead medical operations on my kriffing own since I was kriffing eight years old and never kriffing stopped studying so that I am every eight weeks tested in the Halls of Healing, and yet there you are with me right beside you and my kriffing toolrucksack with me, and you still want to go to the kriffing medical- what?!", she pinned back her ears like a irritated animal and yet her hold on the others back did not became weaker and instead made sure Hera would stay upright properly while she wriggled her whiskers, looking for a place for the other to sit down.

Gently she grasped for the other girls wrist and with soft force ead her through the marching soldiers to sit down on a few cargoboxes that looked like calm isles in the busy hangar : "Kriff, if you want to kriffing psychologically murder me, you actually kriffing succeeded! I am kriffing dead inside, thank you very kriffing much."

[ @stillfocvsed ]

#stillfocvsed: hera syndulla #stillfocvsed #V: Nobody

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autumndesk · 3 years

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