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currently-reading-a-book · 25 days

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A Tale of Two Minds

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: The seemingly shy Dr. Spencer Reid is interrupting you at the library, but don't let his quiet demeanor fool you...

Genre: smut

Warning: crime scenes; talking about murder, heated kiss, made up facts (let me know if I forgot something)

Word 1118 Count: words

A/N: As always, any criticism is very welcome. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. English is not my first language. Not proofread.

Anyway, enjoy :)

✧ 🎀 -------------------------------------------------------------- 🎀 ✧

The building was huge. The dull grey walls ran through the whole building, seeming to never stop. You could easily get lost in one of the many departments of the FBI. An outsider would declare this building old and labyrinthine. However, for you, it was home or the closest place to one. Of course, you only have limited access as you’re just a trainee. You could only get inside the school side of the building, but you only needed the library to feel safe. Every possible minute of your free time you spend there. Being surrounded by piles of thick complicated books, trying to study every field of knowledge that exists.

The sternmost part of the library was your favorite. Nobody was there and you could enjoy your peaceful solitude. This was also the part where unsolved closed cases were located. Reading through them, trying to find a repeating pattern, and making an accurate profile. Hoping the police can then find a suspect that fits the criteria. With this method, you have quite a success and solved relatively a lot of cases. That is actually how you got into the special program of the FBI. It all started when you were solving a case of strange murders your local police couldn’t solve. It turned out the priest took justice a bit too personally. You analyzed the victimology of the murders and started to make a profile. The police just needed forensic evidence, which luckily was found quickly.

As you were nearly done with your profile on a murder case, in deep focus, someone disturbed your beloved peace.

“You know sitting on the ground could raise your potential of getting sick by over 18%.” A shy voice stated.

Letting out a breath, you snapped your head around just to see a guy with long blond curly hair. You lowered your glance a bit and saw his ID Card. Your eyes shot open. You're on your feet within a few seconds. “This can’t be true, can it?” you thought.

“You’re Dr. Spencer Reid!”, you said, a bit too enthusiastic.

He backed up a bit, startled by your elation. He hesitantly nods his head. Of course, you heard of him, like everybody did. Maybe you liked him a bit too much, like not everybody did.

He worked at the Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU) of the FBI and was also a professor at the academy. One of his most impressive traits was undoubtedly his intelligence. It was hard not to be impressed by the breadth and depth of his knowledge, which set him apart from others. You would often hear amazing stories about how his mind solved cases. He was incredibly skilled at what he did and a huge role model for many, also for you. Working with him was always a dream for many and again of course you dream about it too, maybe even more than others. “Suddenly, you remember your position. You’re a forensics student and he was an agent, even a doctor to begin with. Another point would be that you had a crush and didn’t want to scare him away.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I was too excited,” you slowly admitted, locking down.

Embarrassment was written across your chubby face. He took a step closer, gaining confidence. He smelled incredible, masculine yet fresh and pine. Just like you imagined.

“I see you’re trying to solve the “Lucifer Case” and have you gotten any further with it?”, he asked, trying to break the awkwardness.

You look into his eyes, trying to read him. Confused why he would show any interest in you, you try to find out any motive by analyzing his body language, but you can’t find anything too convincing. A moment later he was standing beside you, looking through the files spread around you on the floor.

“I was just about to finish my profile before you interrupted, Doctor Reid”, you told him quietly. Your shyness got the best of you.

“Oh, please call me Spencer, Y/N”, he responded promptly, “and I apologize for interrupting you.”

Your cheeks heated up. Looking at him shocked, he looked back smiling. Too astounded to notice that he had called you by your name, which you hadn’t told him yet.

“Wait, how do you know my name?”, she questioned him embarrassingly late.

His smile got bigger. Even though he was close before, he reduced their distance some more. Now your back was pressing against the bookshelf, unable to escape his intense gaze.

“Your reputation precedes you, Miss Y/L/N.” he hushed seductively.

You swallowed hard, staying quiet. “What could this mean?”, you thought to yourself. Everybody in the study facility always said Spencer Reid was a shy nerd, but now you’re standing in the library with him towering over you.

“I was very impressed by your profile of the Cryptic Puzzle Killings,” he whispered into your ear, “it was a genius profile.” His voice was sending shivers down your spine.

“Doctor Reid,” you stuttered, but then interrupted you.

“it’s Spencer, remember?” You couldn’t think straight anymore. “I was holding back too long, I couldn’t resist any longer Y/N, please forgive me for my bad-mannered roughness,” he muttered as his lip brushed faintly over your neck. This was the moment your breath stopped. Am I dreaming?

“Tell me if you want to stop,” he muttered as he placed sloppy kisses around my neck.

“No, don’t stop.” That was the only thing you could say; his hands feeling too good on you. How he griped your hips pressing your hips more into his clothed erection. Feeling his touch like hot burns all over your body.

“I needed to use this opportunity,” he breathed .

As you wanted to reply to his confession, all of a sudden, another voice was calling for Spencer. Your cheeks flushed even more at the thought of getting caught with Spencer at this situation.

“Spencer, I said I would talk to her!” A stern voice was speaking with such authority.

Spencer quickly stepped back, taking all his warmth with him. You were looking around, overwhelmed with the situation, trying to figure out what was happening. Still feeling hot after your heated situation with Dr. Reid. Spencer was now around two meters apart from you, smiling at you shyly. His duality will kill you someday.

“Hotch I am here,” he quickly yelled back.

Whispering a quick apology to you before the tall black-haired guy showed up before us. His firm eyes looked into yours. He was standing in front of you with a straight face. Frankly, he seemed like a strict guy who didn’t understand any jokes. You’re starting to get the feeling that you did something bad. Your mouth got dry.

“Are you Y/N/Y/L/N?” the man asked you.

You nodded your head skeptically. Unsure of what consequences it might bring.

“I am Aaron Hotch, Supervisory Special Agent and Unit Chief of the BAU,” he continued, “And I am asking you Y/N to join the team of the BAU.”

Your head began to spin.

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reiderwriter · 6 months

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Thoughts on unsub spencer reid fics?

Hi! I'm not sure if you wanted more of a general answer or meant this as a headcanon or gen request, so I'm just going to go purely on vibes and answer this as a question.

Spencer as an Unsub - Thoughts

Disclaimer: Anything negative said here is absolutely not an insult towards any specific writer or fic. I don't really read unsub Reid fics, due to facts I'm about to get into, so I'm really not knowledgeable enough to be throwing shade 💀 This is personal opinion!

I personally would need a lot of convincing to believe in an "unsub" Spencer Reid.

In Criminal Minds, it's clear from very early into the show that Spencer is very empathetic with certain unsubs. The entire team have their own types of cases that they get more personally involved in (Morgan and cases involving child victims, JJ and apparent suicides, Emily and quote unquote battered women cases) but Spencer is the only one whose personal attachment to cases leaves him empathising with the unsub instead of the victim.

He's the only member of the team who could have seen himself committing violent acts the way unsubs do had his life veered down a different path. And, based on Spencer's background and the psychology of the show, he's probably right to be concerned.

He's a white male, at the peak of the show in his mid to late thirties, with a background of abuse and a family history of mental illness. By season four, we know he's highly skilled with a gun, and by season 12/13, we see that he can be pushed to violence when he is at the very edge of his limitations.

And then they make his character so intrinsically moral that you never question him ever again.

To a certain extent, Criminal Minds is about the perpetual cycles of abuse that human kind can inflict upon itself. Many of the unsubs were once victims, some of them perhaps still are. The heroes of the story are characters who have been able to break the cycle.

Spencer is neglected as a child. He has an absent father abandon him, a mother with schizophrenia who does physically beat him when she is having an episode. He is bullied heavily in school for his high IQ and his lack of social skills. But he is shown to deeply care for him mother and empathise with her deeply instead of coming to resent her like many of the unsubs in that situation. He resents his father, for sure, but instead turns that resentment into drive, leading him to "just keep getting more PhDs." And his personal experiences with bullying allow him to empathise with the unsubs that have gone through similar circumstances.

So I don't think canonically, Spencer is ever in danger of becoming an unsub. He deeply cares about the world and the people around him, and whilst he does have a kill count on the show, he either expresses deep remorse at having to oull the trigger, or it is in the best interest for everyone involved.

Basically, all that to say: I think Unsub Spencer Reid in fanfiction has to be written incredibly carefully, or it runs the risk of being very out of character. To be clear, I'm not too bothered about characters being slightly out of character in fics because it happens. I've probably written a lot of stuff where Spencer is OOC, too. And that's fine.

I do kind of draw the line at grabbing random unsub traits from the show and giving them to Spencer for a fic. For example, Spencer would never end up as a sexual sadist. He probably wouldn't be a spree killer, either. Not that anyone wants my writing advice, but if you're writing an unsub Spencer fic, think about his background and the profiles they generally give for the kind of signature/ crimes you're about to give him.

If this was a request, I apologise for the misunderstanding. But here's a little hint at what I might do with a general "unsub Reid" request.

☆ It would most likely take place after the events of Season 12/13.

☆ It's angst or nothing.

☆ The basic plot: Reid's headaches come back after taking a blow in the field. He tries seeking help for it but can't find any relief. On his next case, because of his chronic pain, he makes a mistake that gets his teammate, the reader, shot. The unsub escapes, but the reader falls into a coma. When it looks like reader is not going to pull through, he tracks down the unsub and beats his to death after a brawl. Massive overkill. The reader pulls through that night, and he feels no guilt for getting that monster off the street. But each time the readers health takes a turn, or they require a new surgery, he is compelled to go back out there and track down and kill another serial killer until the reader finally wakes up.

☆ I don't think it'd be very well received because there would be no morally grey smut. This is some tragic angst shit only, lmao.

☆ please don't put a request for this in my inbox. If I feel like writing it later, I might, I don't have the brain power right now, though 💀

That's all I've got right now, but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on unsub Reid :)

#spencer reid #criminal minds #reiderreplies #spencer reid headcanon #spencer reid request #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction

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dragonfly0808 · 3 months

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The Sibling Squad (Roxy’s Crew)

This particular thingy was something I came up with at some point at the very end of s1/very beginning of s2 (which is why the ages were retconned every so slightly at this point and Shirley didn’t start at Cloud Tower till season 3).

This is something I was very excited about and, even if very few of you care, I thought I might let you take a peek into my brain and see why I chose the siblings I chose for Roxy’s squad and what each one of them kinda represents/is a foil for.

I’ll go in the order that they were introduced in the series.

Starting off with!!!! Shirley.

I chose Shirley after building up her personality and I feel like she fits flawlessly in as the oldest of the squad. One reason I really wanted her there is for being a witch, to have a good witch tm (and also a fairy-witch romance but that’s neither here nor there) to show off the differences in the way they work.

Of course, there’s also the fact that Shirley has been really dependent on Riven for most her life and, aside from her brother, she’s been pretty much on her own and she’s also the youngest of her coven, so I thought that the dynamic of her suddenly being the oldest of a group she loves and feels responsible for could be very interesting.

Shirley is very protective, she wants to be the protector and not the protected when it comes to this squad, and I thought that could be a cool thing to explore, even if it’s more implied/observed than anything else.

I chose Shirley to be, perhaps not the leader, but the oldest and most protective of the group. You could say she’s almost the Stella of the group… but obviously not really.

Next up, Alexa. Alexa is Brandon’s little sister and I think I’d mentioned previously that she’s ever so slightly inspired by Alisson Argent from Teen Wolf, cause I loved her growing up and it just kinda fit with the character I pictured for Brandon’s sister.

I haven’t gotten to explore Alexa very much, I think she’s probably the least ‘known’ and with less ‘screentime’ in the sibling squad. I did however have her establish kinda what her main goal is in her first appearance in s4, that being to carve out her own place in Red Fountain and not just be recognized for her brother.

She wants to be her own person and, whilst she is incredibly proud of her brother, she doesn’t want to live in his shadow, thus why, she picks the bow as her main weapon, since her brother never excelled in that area, he was only ever ‘okay’ with the bow.

Alexa is probably one of the more outgoing in the group, she is very extroverted and she’s unapolagetic about who she is and what she wants. She grew up with Stella and Sky and learned a lot from both of them on how to just keep going and, just by watching them and her brother, she knows how to deal with different people.

Alexa is a leader, ambitious yet kind, and she will be (at least in battle) the leader of the sibling squad.

Then there’s Naten, who I think is one of the most beloved OC in the series.

Naten is the glue and heart of the group I feel, a farm boy with a heart of gold and more love than he knows what to do with.

He’s a jokester who hides a lot of his complexity behind his soft exterior. It’s not something he really does on purpose, he just doesn’t care how people may think of him or if they underestimate him for liking to joke around.

Like I’ve mentioned before he’s a bit of a jack of all trades and if there are 2 things that define him in Red Fountain it’s his versatility and his dedication. In his character moodboard, I mention that he has dyspraxia, and, despite having occupational therapy with his mom, who also has dyspraxia, he still struggles with it, so he tends to practice a lot to completely master every technique he can in Red Fountain.

Naten has layers, but his main traits are his dedication/stuborness and his love.

^All of them were introduced and had their personalities kinda written in profiles before I even had the idea for the sibling squad, so their ‘roles’ in the group felt very organic to me and were mostly happy coincidences.

The final two are the ones that were written already knowing that they would be a part of this group.

I loved coming up with my version of Chimera. Making her a vulnerable, insecure girl and having her almost be a foil to Stella was just… ugh, light bulb moment for me, truly.

If you payed attention last chapter you may have noticed that Chimera seems to be getting more powerful. A lot of it is thanks to Stella giving her the staff but it’s also thanks to Chimera constantly practicing to be better.

Chimera has a dual role in the group. First, she’s the tank, the one with the power crawl that’ll eventually be a force to be reckoned with. She may seem a bit overpowered this last chapter but it was a very calm situation in which she had full control and already knew the environment and had created similar illusions there before, it wouldn’t exactly be the same in a fight.

Second, she’s the quiet one. She’s naturally introverted and a quite shy/socially awkward. Traits that were made worse after Valtor’s curse.

She’s 1 of the 2 introverts to balance out all the extroverts. She’s the studious one, the soft spoken one, that doesn’t always know how to stand her ground.

She’s also the one who was the loneliest and most isolated before joining the group, she feels a bit insecure about her spot in the group and is just happy to be included.

She’s learning to be a part of the group and is terrified of losing them.

Finally, the one I know you’ve all been waiting for, even though she isn’t technically a sibling, Roxy.

Roxy is the last to join the squad, and she’s the one who will truly bring them together. Cause, at the moment Alexa and Naten are the closest, and the others are more friendly than besties.

Roxy will be the missing piece to fully pull the group together.

Roxy will be the catalyst for the squad to truly become their own thing, to go from being the Sibling Squad, to Roxy’s Crew.

I won’t explain Roxy as much as the others since she’s already gotten a lot more screentime in 10 chapters than the others have had in 3 seasons.

Finally, some of you may or may not wonder why the whole Naten/Chimera mutual crush.

That’s mostly cause it’s cute and I came up with it on the spot when planning out their summer chronicle.

Then I truly stopped to think about it and realized once more, I am a fucking genius.

Chimera is insecure and doesn’t think much of herself, she’s working on herself and being true to herself, it’s logical she’d fall for a soft boy, a boy who wears his heart on his sleeve and is unapologetic about who he is.

Naten has more heart than anything else, yes, he at first glance, falls for Chimera’s looks (which by the way I thought it’d be adorable to have him fall for her first for her looks when Chimera has never felt pretty) and then he falls for yet another soft soul that is trying to be true. Who is just as dedicated as he is.

They’re both triers. Both kids who have to practice time and time again because they don’t have natural talent, but they have an insane amount of determination. That’s something they can understand about each other.

So, going in age order; Shirley is the oldest and the protector.

Naten is the glue.

Chimera is the tank and the quiet one.

Alexa is the leader.

And Roxy is the missing piece.

And I… am very excited to explore them further and… their very first, full appearance, all 5 of them together will be in just two chapters, in chapter 17!!!

#Veiled wings anniversary #veiled wings and shattered panoramas #winx club #winx rewrite #winx #winx headcannon #winx fanfic #winx headcanons #winx roxy #winx chimera #winx club rewrite

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astrologyobservationsss · 1 year

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Random observations #1 natal chart

These are all from a personal viewpoint. I had observed, and wanted to share. Tell me what u think <3

SUN/MOON/AC AQUARIUS WOMEN

SUN IN LIBRA WOMEN

GUESS THEIR SUN SIGN THROUGH IG FEED

PLUTO ☌/☍ AC or MC

PLUTO ☌/☍/□ PERSONAL PLANETS

PLUTO NATAL AND OCD/ED

🧚‍♀️ SUN/MOON/AC AQUARIUS WOMEN I commonly see that they share these traits: straight long hair -usually dark brown-, they are beautiful in composition, even that, when you look at each part of the face nothing is highlighted. I also know dominant ♒︎ women that don’t match these traits, but commonly, women that do, are Aquarius 99% of the time. But, I especially noticed this one with the Sun

🧚‍♀️ SUN IN LIBRA WOMEN I know a lot of libra women that when I look at their nose from the side, I can see the center walls. I don’t know how to explain this😂 Like the cartilage that divide each hole. It looks so elegant

🧚‍♀️ GUESS THEIR SUN SIGN THROUGH IG FEED I can tell Sun sign’s through instagram. My friends get amazed about it. It’s like there’s a common style, and it’s -by experience- accurate. Also sometimes if some planets are influencing the Sun it would change. The main thing it’s picking their essence

Examples for women

ARIES/MARS commonly post bikini photos ! The vibe it’s quite hot

PISCIS/NEPTUNE love analogical photos ! Or there is plenty of plants in their feed. Usually not a lot of personal pictures. Kinda dreamy mystical feed 🫧

LIBRA/VENUS are CUTE. Like they have an harmonic feed. Elegant. Not serious but friendly. They usually post smiling photos

SAGITTARIUS/JUPITER share trips, cultural events, experiences -like jumping to the sea/river, diving with sharks/fishes, etc-, there’s an adventurer vibe in them 🌍

Etc. If u want I’ll do a post expanding this topic

🧚‍♀️ PLUTO ☌/☍ AC or MC If a person is not active in their social media profile it’s usually because of this one. They are secretive and really conscious of what they share, sometimes to the point where they get anxious or feel exposed by thinking what others could say

🧚‍♀️ PLUTO ☌/☍/□ PERSONAL PLANETS can show up like the previous one. BUT it’s usually different. This aspect could be expressed as magnetic, secretive, mysterious, power person that prefers having their private life under control. OR, it could be expressed as paranoia, and not wanting to post ANYTHING

IN THE NEXT ASPECT, I EXPLAIN 2 REAL EXAMPLES. THESE ARE NOT SAYING IT WOULD BE AT 100% OF THE CASES⚠️

🧚‍♀️ PLUTO NATAL AND OCD/ED Yep, u probably notice this one. It’s accurate. First example is about an OCD, one of my dear friend has her natal SUN/MOON/VENUS ☌ PLUTO, all in the 4H and □ AC. She has to put all her shampoo’ bottles straight, if not, she won’t sleep at night. Also, one day, she told me that she arrived home. Started thinking about a poster on the street. She couldn’t remember what was written in it. So she MUST. Went again, 6 streets away, just to recover her peace of mind. ED example, another friend of mine, had SUN -ruler of the 1st- ☌ PLUTO transit thought the 6H -routine, diet, etc.- and developed an eating disorder during it’s first contacts. Lots of suffering because she couldn’t control what she was doing. In her natal chart she has Scorpio Moon in the 4H -nurturing and Pluto energy- and Venus 7H □ Pluto 4H -aesthetic and control- so she was more prone to have this one

I’ll do more of these soon !!

Comment if you want to add something <3

# 2 Natal Chart

#sun in libra #natal astrology #astrology observations #astrology aspects #astrology interpretations #astrology #pluto #aquarius #libra #aries #piscis #sagittarius

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wo-onu · 1 year

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╰₊✧ ﾟ⚬𓂂➢ [character profile]

* ・✦⇢ contents :: yandere!oc first meeting + various scenarios + hcs

* ・✦⇢ warnings/cw :: yandere themes, constant watching, obsessive behaviour, violent thoughts (not towards the reader or oc), sexism (not explicit but implied), profanities, threatening thoughts (not towards darling)

* ・✦⇢ additional notes :: can be read as gn. also, no particular traits mentioned except dimples on darling, as well as being younger than oc. word “tiny” is used, but it just meant that you are shorter than haejoon. also, mentioned attending taekwondo training. again, no particulars but it is written with feminine chubby + plus sized reader in mind though not explicitly specified in the post.

:: a/n: this is a whopping 5k+ work. sorry it’s such a long work but haejoon and his darling has quite the history together. honestly it doesn’t even cover all of it but here ya go~ do tell me if i didn’t note anything or missed something ㅠㅡㅠ didn’t have time to double check everything so yea. again, feedbacks/likes/reblogs/requests are welcomed!

:: will be split in two parts!

PLEASE DON’T EVER BECOME A STRANGER WHOSE LAUGH I COULD RECOGNISE EVERYWHERE !

yandere!oc

ʚ ﹒ ﹕ ̟乀 kang haejoon :: 강 해준

ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏~ ☆゜ first meeting headcanons + scenario !

[part one] [part two]

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ haejoon was a sunbae in high school, while you were his hoobae. he was two grades above you, meaning he was a senior while you were a freshman. though, you did skip a grade therefore you were at least 3 years younger than him.

this is tiring.

haejoon couldn’t believe his luck. he was late because he insisted that he can survive going to school using public transportation instead of the comfort of their own car and personal driver. so now, he’s panting and huffing despite his innate athleticism because he doesn’t want to be late.

i shouldn’t have been so stubborn. a regret belatedly thought.

a shortcut would’ve definitely solved his problem, but it just so happened that he got off at the route that was quite a long walk to the school.

“oh as i thought, you’re here again.” a quiet voice rang in the desolate area. curious, haejoon looked around and spotted a tiny figure squatting down as an even smaller kitten meowed in response.

forgetting about running out of time, he stood out of sight and continued to observe what was happening in front of him.

someone i’ve never seen before, but is undoubtedly wearing our uniform. haejoon thought as he watched you rummage through your bag before taking out some canned cat food, with a satisfied grin as if proud of yourself for accomplishing such a task. how cute.

“i’m sorry i can’t come and take you... im really worried you’d be in danger since you don’t have a home,” seeing as how you kept talking to the kitten as it eats, perhaps you are the type to not mind being late.

“i really want to keep you... but my family will be against it, im sorry. but i hope you continue going here so i can at least feed you a little.” with a slight frown, haejoon wondered how someone can utter such sweet words despite having a poker face. weren’t you just grinning awhile ago? the more he watched you fuss over the kitten and made sure it was okay and had no injuries or something, you finally dusted yourself off, carrying the kitten in your hand.

“i will go now, see you later” shaking the kittens paw as if in a handshake, you bent down to set the kitten on the ground once more. once down, the kitten then nuzzled their tiny face on your ankle, a smile finally overtaking your features.

dimples... how cute.

then, as you watch the kitten stroll away, face wiped of expression, you checked the time and shrugged, leisurely walking down the school.

haejoon watched all this with a curious face, how come someone is that relaxed knowing they’re late?

‘shit, should i be thinking about that? i’m late’ he jogged a little and ensured he will slightly bump into you, as if he’s not been watching you this entire time.

with a quiet ‘huh?’ you looked at the person who bumped you, stepping back to see his face clearer.

“i’m so sorry, i’m running late so i was in a hurry and didn’t see you, are you alright?” flashing his social smile, as it had yet failed to capture anyone’s attention, he feigned worry as he himself knew he didn’t even bump into you that bad.

“no, it’s alr— um excuse me? are you sure you’re running late? do you have a meeting you need to attend early or something?”

“huh?” dumbfounded, all haejoon could do is stare at you. oh my god, she responded.

“huh? well, unless you have prior engagements, i don’t think you should be rushing. it’s two hours before bell.” double checking your phone, you showed him the time.

embarrassment filled him, heat rushed through his head. no way, did those punks mess with my phone to make me panic? just wait til i get them.

“o-oh, um, yes! that’s right! i’m needed somewhere so i’m in a hurry, i’m really sorry!” slightly bowing, his eyes landed at your slight extended hand holding a handkerchief to him.

“alright. then, use this to wipe yourself at least. you don’t need to give it back.” unable to still shake his own humiliation, he nodded and said a quick thanks, then immediately ran to make it seem he really is late to a meeting. he’s not even part of the school committee or whatever. although, you seem to be unaware of that.

then, his little crush began.

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ weeks and weeks after that, he continued taking the longer route to school, asking his driver to drop him off there instead of the school. all so he could catch a glimpse of a person who had a mean poker face and dead eyes, but is so strangely cute. to him, the tiny person fussing over an even tinier kitten, and seem to like the wildflowers growing around, was a person he always wanted to be with.

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ he was only properly introduced to you during an event committee meeting, as the school decided to give you an important role (he later learned that you got in with a perfect score, and later became known for great achievements). while he was the head of the committee. his world shattered when he realised you don’t even remember meeting him a few months back, but quickly collected himself becaus he knew he was to blame for that.

“everyone, gather around here and introduce yourselves. we have two new member for this year’s committee; our maknae, [your name], and our hard to get sunbae, kang haejoon.”

after a few minutes of introduction and the almost premeditated mingling afterwards was draining on you and it doesn’t take a genius to guess that being all friendly and socialising with others is not your scene. kang haejoon took all of the notes he could take by watching you. although, a bit subtly so that people around him won’t be able to notice. in fact, everyone thought he’s also just looking out for this committee’s maknae.

in truth, although you have never seemed all that outgoing to him, you were actually more shy and timid that he anticipated. despite being the centre of attention yourself, you were quite unaware of how people seem to be drawn to you and always seeking your presence.

as he saw you expertly remove yourself from a conversation between you and a couple second years, he approached you.

“hello! once again, my name is kang haejoon. i heard you’re also a new member for this year, although i am your sunbae, this is also my first time despite them inventing me for three years straight. please take care of me,” he said in impeccable manner.

“ah... yes... nice to meet you sunbae, please take good care of me too.” after a brief confusion reflecting in your eyes, you politely greeted your sunbae who was patiently waiting for a response.

“yes, yes. nice to meet you, although i don’t doubt you’ll take good care of this sunbae, as you already have.” this time, an even more palpable confusion was reflected in you.

after a pregnant pause, you responded, “i’ve taken good care of you?”

they don’t even remember me. haejoon mused.

he’s not hurt by that. he does not have any high expectations in the first place; he would only be a fool to do so when he has not even approached you once after watching you for so long.

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ at 27, he met you again after finishing his work and going to a spontaneous dinner with his two best friends. there, he finally asked for your number, despite being still flustered around you. he thought that if he missed this chance, he will just waste away an eternity’s worth of time.

the restaurant was buzzing with background noise, people chattering and the movement of the staff to fulfil everyone’s orders. in the midst of it all, he heard a voice he thought was very familiar.

that voice! urgently looking around, he tried to find the source of the person he heard ordering. once his gaze landed on a figure he’s all too familiar with, his heart raced with anticipation. yes, he should’ve expected to run into you here even with the tiniest bit possibility. after all, this was your favourite italian restaurant near your high school. back then, it was so hard to get a meal with you, always having your guard up and declining every potential situation wherein you guys can be alone.

his friends, who followed his gaze gasped when they saw you, “hey! isn’t that? haejoon-ah, why not talk to them again? go ask for their contact or something!”

“that’s right! ya!! kang haejoon! this might be your last chance~”

“shut up both of you,” he grouched. “they looked so pretty even after all these years... no, have they become a fairy? a god/dess? they really didn’t have to grow up and be so pretty ... what is this, i can’t believe a mere mortal like me was really intent on marrying such a beautiful creature... i can’t,” with his ears going red, he suddenly covered his entire face with both his hands.

“haejoon-ah, they literally looked the same as back then, just go”

“look at this weirdo... at this rate, you’re never getting them.”

with a playful glare, “fine. only because you guys kept forcing me to. i’ll go there since i was forced to.”

“yes, yes. in your wedding just say we also pushed that ourselves.”

standing up and puffing his chest a little, he took a deep breath. striding to where you sat with a couple of people, he tried catching your eyes. once your eyes landed on his, a flash of recognition flashed through them. oh, we’re really at a stage where they instantly recognise me. he giddily thought.

slightly waving with a small smile, he continued to walk towards you while you stood up to meet him. reaching you, he finally greeted, “[name]-yah, it’s been so long, how is my favourite hoobae?”

“sunbae! yes it has, how have you been?” your quiet nature really is the same as ever.

“i see you’re still the same,” voicing his sentiments, you threw him a mock glare.

“what? you’re picking a fight the moment we reunited? how cold of you~” you clicked your tongue, disapproving.

“aigoo~ look at this disrespectful punk, you’re speaking so insolently.”

“eh? you’re the one who told me to drop formalities, you can’t take it back, sunbae”

“that’s right... i guess i spoiled you too much then.”

“what nonsense are you talking about.”

“huh? what do you mean nonsense! i took such good care of you! this ungrateful brat!”

“yes~ yes~ im so thankful to have such a nice sunbae~” you mockingly responded.

“as you should! now, it’s been so long, is your contact still the same? no... you’re the type to not even give out your number...”

“oh? i changed it for awhile since i just moved back in korea, here let me give it to you,” you gestured for him to lend you his phone. doing so, you quickly typed in your number. double checking your own phone to see if you did it correctly.

“cool, i’ll contact you soon and be in touch! stop your bad habit of not replying, will you? i won’t hold you too long since you have company, i’ll talk to you soon instead.”

“oh, yes. sure, sure. whatever. i’ll respond. then see you around, sunbae.” you waved him off, slightly bowing.

he softly touched your back and whispered lowly in your ear, “you guys eat well, i know this is one of your go-to places. it’s my treat. let’s say it’s a thank you for your number,” before you can protest, he’s quickly going back to his own table. leaving you with no choice but to eat the night away with your colleagues. knowing your sunbae’s personality, he won’t change his mind. not when it comes to treating you to a meal, anyway.

important ! had to split this one into two posts instead because i hit character limit ㅠㅡㅠ i guess it’s to be expected since it is 5k+ but it was still a bit . . . anyway, i will be posting the other half later 🤍

#yandere oc #male yandere oc #yandere headcanons #yandere imagines #yandere oc x reader #yandere scenarios #yandere drabble #yandere x reader #soft yandere #male yandere #yandere x darling #yandere x you #221221 — 20.12 ♡

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birdiewolf · 1 year

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Here’s my opinion on the character quests in genshin: most of them are well written but they’re good as quests of their own instead of character quests.

Yelan, Ayato, Kazuha, Nilou story quests were well written but they didn’t structure enough around the characters themselves. They give good insight at the history, politics, and social environments of Tevyat but because they’re so focused on expanding these things, the characters are left behind as a result. We’re more focused on the npcs; which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but character quests are supposed to unveil things about the characters; they shouldn’t be dragging npcs around them in the spotlight without establishing a proper relevant connection

Yae miko, Zhongli, Venti, Childe story quests on the other hand are so appreciated and applauded because the situations the characters are put in directly involve their personal life and as players, we get a glimpse in their vulnerable moments which is so great because these characters aren’t necessarily open about everything. We get to be the outsider observing THEM and their reactions to the situations instead simply looking at npcs.

Adding npcs isn’t the issue for the story quest, the issue is that mhy struggles with properly incorporating the character’s lore and personality in the situations revolving around the npcs. Venti’s quest had a heavy part focused on the npc who stole his friends identity but it worked because it paralleled his own secret.

the stories have to make sure that the situations the characters are placed in are relevant to their background and personality, and more importantly, they grant players an opportunity to form an emotional connection to the characters (remember that not everyone owns each 5 star character so they don’t have access to extra information on their background that can be found under the profile section). I think a lot of the story quests are interesting and well written but they don’t work as character quests because they don’t reveal anything new about the characters (whether that’s lore, personality traits, etc.) properly in situations that aren’t necessarily occurring because of them.

Ayato’s quest made me love Hiragi Chisato because she’s the one who goes through development, not him. She goes from being this timid young woman who’s torn between chasing love and standing her ground within her clan and commission to a headstrong confident woman who goes with the choice that HELPS her the most. she makes her own decision by her own terms instead letting her father or Kamaji take control. Now this was his first quest so obviously as players we wouldn’t necessarily see immense development because this quest simply introduced him. With that said, even if it served as his introduction, they went with a situation that players already expect him to deal with. He’s a politician and leader of the Shuumatsuban, so we know he has to be cunning and fast and manipulative. So even his introduction failed to give good insight on who Kamisato Ayato is besides being the Yashiro Commissioner. This is the same problem with Yelan’s; we know she’s smart and her job revolves around doing some dirty work, but who is she besides her job? I don’t think either character story quests needed to completely stay away from those circumstances that were explored in their quests, but the characters themselves should’ve been the ones we observed.

I believe mihoyo could’ve found a way to flesh out Ayato and Yelan in their respective story quests if it were done in a manner similar to Zhongli’s first quest where the story was heavily reliant on his lore and reactions for it’s progression.

NILOU AND CYNO STORY QUEST SPOILERS AHEAD!!! skip next two paragraphs if you haven't played either. first paragraph is on nilou’s, and the second is on cyno’s.

Nilou’s is also good in my opinion. There’s a consistent theme of being true to yourself that’s explored through Inaya and her relationship to the theatre and her father, but again, the npc became the main character while Nilou was reduced to the role of a bystander. At the end of her quest, she talked about her master and it’s unfortunate that someone nilou admires so much wasn’t significantly referenced throughout the quest. Instead of talking about her for a bit at the end, mihoyo should’ve made Nilou’s motivation of helping Inaya to be based on how her own mentor inspired and pushed her to do her best. So her quest is good, but its not a good character quest because nilou doesn’t serve as the narrator nor is the story dependent on her actions.

Cyno’s on the other hand was good even though, like many other story quests, we accompanied him on a series of tasks relating to his duty which as we’ve seen with Yelan and Ayato, sets the character as the npc. But unlike the former, his story from the beginning highlights his personal feelings towards his former job and his partner. Hence why when the quest focuses on his mentor for the climax, it works because Cyno’s own relationship to his partner is relied upon for the story to reach its resolution. He’s not the main character in the sense that he’s not the cause of the situation and his truth seeking journey involves other npcs’ feelings and reactions, but because it’s his relationship and perceptions that drive the story forward. His motivation to find the culprit involved in the temple heightens when he realizes his former partner is involved and the climax only settles down when he’s able to talk and call out his partner on his actual intentions, because that’s not something anyone else could’ve done, it had to be someone who understood the previous mahamatra and that someone is Cyno.

NO MORE SPOILERS

anyways this just my rant on the character quests in genshin. They’re good but don’t serve the purpose of being character quests. Mihoyo needs to analyze the character quests that have been well received and figure out what they can do to avoid the mistakes they have made with the other character quests becauses genshin doesn’t grant characters opportunities outside of limited events, hangout events, and character quests to properly uplift their existences and leave a great impression to make them memorable.

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eldrai · 1 year

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Please do!

Bless you, anon, for asking about it. Apologies in advance for wonky tumblr formatting. My response is uploaded on my ao3 here and is probably easier to read there.

This Is Calm And He’s A Doctor

Fandom Ableism in Criminal Minds

So this is a response to my post here which is talking about ableism in fandom spaces. The most major trend in the CM fandom (not the show – the show treats anything that isn’t depression or anxiety as Horrifying Serial Killer disorder because it’s 2000s copaganda) is the infantilisation of Reid.

As an autistic person myself, to be honest, I find it really uncomfortable.

Disclaimer: this is a trend I’ve noticed and is not about any one person in particular. Just want to make that very clear. Also yes, I know this is fanfiction, people do this for fun, they owe me nothing. And this isn’t me telling people not to write Reid or that they should only do it one way. This is me explaining my discomfort. That is all.

Reid is incredibly smart, not only in achieving his PhDs at his age but the outside knowledge he has of just about everything due to his eidetic memory. He’s also good at making connections between items of evidence and picking up on patterns in the geographical profiles. Since the start of the series he’s gained more confidence in social interactions and he’s shown to be able to fend for himself in interactions with unsubs both in interviews and out. He carries a gun after he passed the qualifications for it early on in the series. He often gives clear lectures on topics he’s an expert on in front of full auditoriums (and OK, his jokes might not always land but that’s hardly a professional impairment). He is at minimum competent and most of the time far more than that. And he’s autistic.

Though it’s never confirmed technically, it’s a popular interpretation followed by a lot of people, and a lot of those people write autistic!Reid as a dedicated tag. Due to CM being, again, an early 2000s TV programme, he is never allowed more clear identifiers but it’s generally agreed he is autistic, whether that’s the main plot point of a fic or not.

Yet there is a trend in fanfic where Reid is treated like a child. An adult autistic FBI agent with multiple PhDs treated like the baby of the team because he is autistic (or displays autistic traits) and as an autistic person, it’s uncomfortable to see happen. Even on a less personal level, the portrayal of Reid as relying on the team as opposed to being supported by them, like the rest of the characters are, is just out of character. This is the same man who had to take care of his schizophrenic mother after his father left. Beyond his addiction, he is never shown to be unable to take care of himself. I don’t doubt part of the infantilisation comes from the addiction but that’s not a topic I know enough about to have much of a take on, which is why I’m focusing on the autism instead.

I want to make it clear that this treatment of Reid is not automatically the same as fics with him being more ‘openly’ autistic or having higher support needs. It’s a venn diagram with some overlap but it’s not a given thing. There are plenty of really good fanfic out there that doesn’t infantilise him. Nor am I saying the people who do infantilise him do it out of malice or on purpose.

The difference is in the approach and intent.

An adult with high support needs is still an adult. You wouldn’t treat them like a child because they are an adult. If someone had trouble with auditory processing or following instructions and required clearer and simpler phrasing, you might talk to them differently but you would still not talk to them like a child – an adult with specific needs. You wouldn’t be talking down because you are aware you’re talking to an adult. To automatically talk to the adult as you would a child is ableist. To view them as less capable of understanding is ableist. The entire concept of ‘mental age’ is bad, though other people have written far more about that in disabled circles, because it often leads people to treat disabled adults as children.

There is nothing inherently childish about disabled adults or anyone with higher support needs. And autistic people are autistic but we are not only autistic.

And this is where I think people can go wrong – even and especially people with good intentions! In not erasing Reid’s autistic traits it’s easy to get caught up on focusing on him being autistic. And that isn’t inherently bad.

But when the writing or narrative starts to treat him like a child, that’s when it becomes uncomfortable. Because it strips away his agency and erases who he is as a character. It suggests that autistic people and/or their needs are childish just for being autistic. Infantilisation is a very real thing for many, many autistic people so to see it in fic over and over again, especially for Reid whose character epitomises intelligence, can get incredibly wearing.

For example, this ask highlights that the language used can be condescending:

I think the other thing I’ve seen (as an autistic adult very close in age to S1 Reid) is that the other characters (particularly Hotch) will call Reid “buddy”

In canon, the only person Hotch ever calls buddy is Jack, and Jack is four-five in most of his appearances. In his last appearance, he’s about ten. So that is just something that kind of infuriates me. In a lot of interactions people write between the team and autistic Reid, it sounds more like the interaction should happen with Henry or Jack, when Reid is a fully grown adult.

When the interaction between an autistic adult and his colleagues who have the same job as him can be imagined between a child instead, it comes across as incredibly infantilising. We do see Morgan call him ‘kid’ in the show but that comes across as light teasing, more because Reid’s the youngest and (at the start) newest member of the team, sort of like siblings.

Another example of the wider treatment of Reid in the fandom, not just limited to fic, is the way other characters are often demonised for interrupting him when on the job. I love Reid’s infodumping and it is genuinely endearing. I’ve also been in similar situations where I either do realise I need to stop or someone gives me some cue to. But Reid has a job to do – generally a pretty urgent one. Yes, the others can be more polite in cutting him off, especially in the earlier seasons. No, I don’t think it is as rude as some people do. They do need to move on from topic to topic, especially at a crime scene with a lot of evidence and clues to process, and Reid would know that the job involves that. Sometimes it is necessary to move on and the team often does this with just his name – which is not a particularly negative cue in itself.

This often ties in with the belief that he’s unable to stick up for himself if he did see it as rude. As Reid mentions: he was in LA public schools at nine and he is an adult during the series, albeit a young one. I doubt he completely lacks the ability to ask someone not to interrupt him – the same colleagues he’s comfortable enough with to mess around with physics tricks. If it is shown they address him as Dr. Reid deliberately so local police know how to address him, I believe the show might have shown if he was uncomfortable with being interrupted.

As the show goes on we also see this become more casual and more easily intuited by Reid, which suggests it’s not something he is opposed to. This interaction between him and Hotch in 7x07

Reid: I’m rambling again, aren’t I?

Hotch: Yes.

is presented naturally in the show, and Reid himself being the one to ask Hotch shows that he does not mind being told when he is rambling. (Also, I firmly believe this is one of the most autistic interactions in the entire show from both sides but that’s neither here nor there). A few episodes later in 7x11 Reid calls out someone faking their cousin being the unsub for attention in front of many people and news cameras so I think it’s fair to say by this time in canon he’d be confident enough to speak to the team about his infodumping.

In 7x21 this is even more casual, where Hotch lightly taps Reid on the arm again implying that it is a relatively common occurrence. Even in an early season (2x13) Hotch does it with the dialogue “Reid. Stop, please.” and it’s worth noting that beforehand, Prentiss was engaging with his infodumping, not discouraging. In another episode it is “Reid. Reid. How do we find them?” which arguably redirects him to explain how his observation is linked to the case rather than cutting it off completely.

Therefore I find that the impact of the team interrupting or redirecting Reid is often not as large as many people insinuate or, to phrase it better, the intent and execution of it by the team as less mean. Again, autistic people are not children: Reid is more than capable of (a) dealing with hurt feelings and (b) speaking up about hurt feelings and is never shown to dislike the team for it. While this can be a painful experience for autistic people in real life it is not presented as such in the show and implying it must automatically be for Reid erases his agency and ability to handle such situations and/or emotions on his own.

As an aside, the belief that Hotch is mean/cold/unemotional is often evidenced by his lack of expression and affect. I have no problem with that belief based on canon evidence. What I am not a fan of is this idea that if you don’t perform emotions correctly – i.e. the way society at large decides people should – that you lack them entirely.

Reid’s canon snippier or badass moments, such as 3x14, going into the train to talk to the psychotic unsub, talking down numerous other unsubs and more I haven’t even seen yet (as of early Season 9) – many of them except the iconic “This is calm and it’s Doctor.” – are often overlooked to feed into this narrative. Reid is highly capable and it’s proven many times throughout the show. His performance only really suffers during/after the Maeve ordeal, his dilaudid addiction and the migraine arc, which are all reasonable circumstances that any person would find it hard to work well through.

And this idea of Reid being more fragile than he really is in canon has a tendency to extend to fic via his hurt feelings being used as a plot device for members of the team to have to help or ‘save’ him as if he couldn’t do those things if they weren’t there to remind him. Full disclosure here: this includes a couple of my own fics too. When the plot hinges around Reid, who is more than competent, being unable to deal with a few mean words and relies on the allistic (non-autistic) people rescuing him… it can feel demeaning.

That isn’t to say he can’t ever be fragile or hurt. That’s not to say those things can’t ever bother him because of course they can, and the team should be there for him. But like the rest of the team, he is fully capable of holding his own. If nothing else, to say he isn’t is out of character.

Another area in which the infantilisation becomes quite clear is in shipping.

Again, I’m going to add a disclaimer that no ships, tropes and/or dynamics themselves are inherently the problem. That just isn’t how it works and to claim otherwise would be wrong and also erasing all the works using those things which do portray Reid well in character.

Most Reid ships using D/S or omegaverse dynamics place him into the traditionally submissive role as the smaller, more ‘innocent’ character. Admittedly this will have a lot to do with the stereotypes of masculine behaviour and appearance and there are people who can articulate that far better than I can. However, the choice frequently made to have the autistic character fill this role is worth questioning as I believe his autism plays a significant role in the decision.

There is a common stereotype of autistic characters being asexual and inexperienced with sex, or overly ‘innocent’ and pure despite being adults. It’s worth saying that there is nothing wrong with asexual autistic characters, especially when they are made or headcanoned by autistic and/or autistic asexuals, and asexual autistic people’s existence is not fulfilling stereotypes. The innocent perception comes from the idea autistic adults are unable of comprehending or enjoying sex, a blanket stereotype which can be harmful to real life autistic people.

In Reid’s case, he’s an adult who works for the BAU. He has seen incredibly graphic crime scenes which often involve sexual components and he is not shy about discussing the significance of the sexual elements. I would not say this makes him new to the subject even if he has not had or does not have sex. And though his awkwardness is often used as something of a joke, he’s shown at multiple points throughout the series to display romantic interest and have people be interested in him (Reid getting phone numbers and being propositioned, for starters, as well as Maeve) including Lila.

Yet many fics like to portray him as immature and completely new to the idea of sex to contrast him with someone more dominant and experienced who can show him the ropes, pun not intended. He’s hardly Derek Morgan but he is not completely unused to the idea of romantic and/or sexual relationships and the automatic assumption he would be – that his lack of major interest is an inherent quality in him rather than a choice, like with any other adult – reinforces the idea of autistic adults as innocent and childish.

(Note: it’s the idea of innocence vs the role of submissive that I’m questioning here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with autistic adults, real and fictional, taking on submissive roles. It’s just about being a constant pattern in fanfic.)

This is overwhelmingly present in Hotchreid fanfiction, though definitely not all: a tendency for Reid to be stripped of his wit, his immense knowledge and his confidence to fit neatly into the mold of almost helpless, ‘pure’ man relying on Hotch. Because it is almost always Reid forced into this role.

Why can’t Reid be dominant? Why can’t Reid enjoy sex just as much as other characters? Because he doesn’t have to talk about it all the time to do that. Why is it so often Reid being lead, Reid being new, Reid in that submissive role? I believe sometimes it is a good thing to question why we write what we write.

Of course, I see the appeal of Hotchreid and I see why people ship it. I’ve got nothing against it as a ship – the whole younger/older man thing? Yeah. It’s a big draw. And I’m not saying Reid is only ever put into that more submissive role because he’s autistic, because he isn’t, but I do believe it is a factor.

(A quick mostly unrelated tangent: Hotch married his childhood sweetheart. For most of the series he has only ever had two partners – if either of them are going to know the intricacies of BDSM, I’d put my money on the single avid reader. But that’s the fun of fiction, playing around with stuff!)

Even in fics without such dynamics (and I stress again the use of dynamics itself has nothing to do with my qualms here) the perception of Reid as the inexperienced partner who needs taking care of tends to bleed through. Having the autistic character seen as such where there is no reason he should be is again infantilising him, presenting him as less of an equal in maturity in the relationship.

This is my biggest reason to believe his autism can lead to the infantilisation. There is no need for someone to be so submissive out of a relationship with defined dynamics so the fact so many fics do still push elements of those tropes onto Reid is very telling. Like there’s something about Reid which makes people view him as more inexperienced and needy.

Hell, fanart often depicts Reid as much smaller in proportion to the team where canonically, there is only about an inch difference in height between Hotch (1.87m) – the tallest – and Reid and Morgan, who are both around 6’1” (1.85m) and this is in pieces which are not overly stylised. Reid might be a pipe cleaner with eyes (my favourite insult) but he’s not a short one. To be clear I’m not criticizing the quality of the art, because fanartists are incredibly talented, but the decision to make Reid so much smaller.

In particular, there is often a larger difference in size between Reid and Morgan than canonically exists with Reid being smaller and Morgan larger than canon. Black fans in other spaces have pointed out trends in fandom with racist overtones, e.g:

Black/brown characters written or drawn as significantly larger (height and muscle-wise) than their canon self and/or a white character or a light-skinned character of color [Source]

It’s not my place to speak about this, so I’ll leave you with their thoughts and just add that Reid’s autistic traits go hand-in-hand with babying him.

It extends to platonic interactions with the team, at times treating him little better than an actual child. See: calling him ‘buddy’ which is the term literally used about Jack. Reid may be the youngest but he is a functioning part of the team, not a responsibility, not an obligation, yet so many fics work with the framework that he is simply unable to recognise his own needs. A trained FBI agent, may I remind you. And that’s not to say that he never struggles or he should never have his friends caring for him, but that it shouldn’t be any different to any of the rest of the team being comforted.

These things aren’t necessarily a problem but when they happen over and over again, all the time, when they start to become a pattern, it does raise the question: what about this character suggests he should be treated with kid gloves?

It isn’t intentional. I will say that now and I do believe it: people aren’t looking at Reid, going ‘oh, he’s autistic,’ and immediately deciding to put him in those roles. We are rarely so straightforward and most biases like that are completely unconscious. That’s what makes them tricky to talk about and to understand. Furthermore, having Reid be treated that way reads as out of character at times – this is the same Reid who has jokes made about his age, who the team go out of their way to introduce as Dr. specifically so that people know and respect him. Would they really turn around and treat him like he’s incapable of independence? Would Reid want or tolerate that?

And I’m not saying nobody should write the topics I’ve mentioned. These things existing is not a problem: sub Reid, omega Reid, the team taking care of. It’s when they become the only things Reid’s story is about, when the need for Reid to be infantilised is central to the story and his real character is erased, that we should question why.

Because from where I stand it looks an awful lot like his autistic traits.

#meta #criminal minds #spencer reid #autistic reid #fandom ableism #ableism #criminal minds meta #cm meta #hotchreid #criticism

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words-after-midnight · 1 year

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How do you get to know your characters’ “voices”? Do you have any traditions or processes that you often do you sort of get to know them?

Super interesting question, thanks! :)

Note: While I certainly hope this can be helpful to others, these are the techniques that I personally find helpful. Depending on your creative process, these may or may not work for you!

I use different tools to develop my central characters and their narrative voices:

A process I like to call "marination" (lol)

Character profiles/brainstorming

Character portraits (ymmv, but I cannot overstate how helpful these are for me personally)

First drafts

Marination

A key part of my creative process (for both novels and shorter works that aren't connected to any of my existing projects) that I'd consider pretty unusual, in that I absolutely swear by it but haven't personally met anyone else who does it, is that I will not develop a project unless the central idea has been in my head, not written down, for at least six months. I was so attached to my first novel (the one I'm currently preparing to query) that I was genuinely concerned I would lose my love of writing after I finished it because I was convinced that no other story idea would ever consume me to that extent again (I say this with love, but young writers are dramatic as fuck). Sure enough, after I finished it, the first and only story idea I was able to stick with to produce a finished first draft was one that had been in my head and wouldn't leave me alone for about a year before I started writing it. I basically was trying so hard not to write the damn thing, but it wouldn't leave me alone. Ever since then, this has been my golden rule. If it still hasn't left me alone after six months, it's probably not going to, meaning it's going to stick around even if I lose motivation here and there (case in point: I shelved The Dotted Line for nine years before I started drafting again).

During this initial 6+ month period, all I do is think and daydream about the story, which sometimes includes making playlists and/or moodboards. I don't write anything down. My creative process is super subconscious, so a lot of the "bones" of the story tend to develop in this stage. This also tends to be where I get a general feel for my central cast, especially protagonists and narrators. I usually come out of this with a good-ish sense of their basic appearance, characteristics, and personality, if nothing else. Sometimes story goals and motivations, but not always. For me, individual characters usually come to me first as people. I fit them into specific narrative roles, typologies (I'm primarily a crime writer), and/or relationships based on that.

Character profiles/brainstorming

I feel like this is the most common technique people use to establish basics about a character initially. The most common format for a profile is listing details about appearance, personality, likes/dislikes, special traits, etc. You can use them to determine/decide on specific things about their character that will influence their voice as a narrator, such as (definitely not an exhaustive list):

Where they're from (accent, speech patterns)

When they were born/their generation (can influence speech patterns and core beliefs)

Their background/family history/how they were raised (will influence their worldview and probably how they speak/view themselves as well)

Their worldview (determines their internal logic and thought patterns)

Are they neurodivergent in some way?

Have they experienced significant trauma that would change or inform their views of themself or the world?

Do they have catchphrases or other verbal idiosyncrasies?

For me personally, I mostly use profiles for supporting characters, not narrators, because my narrators tend to be characters that have already come to me on their own prior to me starting work on the story. But, there are exceptions to this, in which case profiles are super useful. I've also used profiles as one of several tools to flesh out existing narrators (usually for second drafts and up).

Character portraits

I also refer to these as "monologues," but I think "character portrait" is the most commonly accepted term (correct me if I'm wrong). These are basically short, slice-of-life or stream-of-consciousness pieces, separate from the narrative of the story, that I write from a specific character's perspective in order to get a better handle on things like their narrative voice, how they would realistically react to a specific situation, developing their dialogue or relationship with another character, etc. Some people also use prompts for portraits, which I think can be a really good idea if you're having trouble starting or deciding what the character is going to ramble about. These especially work wonders for me when it comes to narrators that I know need to have a very different voice from a narrator I've been writing for a long time (eg. I did a ton of monologues prior to starting The Dotted Line's draft, because I was used to Gabriel's voice and TDL's protagonist has a mindset and voice that differ from Gabriel's in some very fundamental ways). Again, ymmv - portraits probably work well for me because my creative process is very subconscious. If your process is more fundamentally pragmatic, other techniques, like profiles, might work much better.

First drafts

There's no diplomatic way I can say this: my first drafts are messy, disjointed piles of absolute word vomit that deserve to be thrown into a fire pit asap. Like, they genuinely make zero sense. The second drafts of my projects, let alone their manuscript versions, usually bear about as much resemblance to their first drafts as I do to the primordial sludge. My first drafts are not fit for human eyeball consumption. But I'll tell you what they do: their damn job.

I strongly believe in and, as a writer, live by the idea that a first draft's only purpose is to exist. I don't expect my first drafts to be understandable to anyone else. I barely expect them to be understandable to me. Their sole purpose is for me to be able to get the basic story down on paper so I can go back in and tweak it to death until it somewhat resembles the story in my head.

Because I have near-zero expectations for my first drafts other than them just being words that exist on a page, one of the things I use them for is, precisely, to experiment with my narrator's voice. During the first draft, the narrative voice is therefore usually very inconsistent, because I'm trying out different things to see what style, techniques, speech patterns, idiosyncrasies, etc. fit for that character. I'll note that some of this is particularly relevant for first person narration. For my stories told in third person close or omniscient, speech patterns and character idiosyncrasies typically matter less to me than establishing consistency for the perspective character's internal dialogue/logic (which also matters a lot for first person narration). Takeaway point: the character voice that people actually end up reading (almost always in a manuscript version of the story) is a very practiced version of that voice that I made specific decisions for after a lot of trial and error in the drafts.

tl;dr: I use some specific techniques to develop my characters' voices, but for me, what it really comes down to is time and practice!

#writeblr #writing #ask #character development #oc development #character voices #narration #h

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bemuseing · 2 years

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All my muses are basically aroace / aroace coded because I’m not well capable of writing much else, but for more detail, because not every aromantic and/or asexual person is the same (stereotypes be Damned):

Akutagawa isn’t interested and probably hasn’t thought about anything that much, and is also probably pretty oblivious to cues. I actually can’t remember if it’s ever implied he’s aware of Higuchi’s feelings for him or not (I’m so sorry Higuchi) but at the very least, he doesn’t really seem to address them as far as I remember.

Rengoku just hasn’t thought about it much and is also pretty oblivious if that one valentine’s school au thing is anything to go by.

Kunikida. Has stated in first person that he doesn’t really understand romance and treats valentine’s/white day like a business exchange. Has written down a list of ideal partner traits, which are unspecified and unrealistic. Profile is likely constructed entirely based on theory and not much else. Probably doesn’t realise if he’s aro/ace.

Lunick likes the idea of romance and has tried dating SEVERAL times and flopped every time. He doesn’t realise he’s aromantic, nor that this is the reason why his attempts at love life keep flopping.

Eugene is a socially awkward, fairly socially isolated kid, I have no idea what they think of any of that to be honest.

Descole... he is ace at least, canonically he had a wife and daughter, but my headcanon is that his daughter was adopted (paralleling himself as a child). On the fence on whether he’s aromantic, because it is still perfectly possible for aromantic and/or asexual people to have a partner.

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eijiroukiriot · 4 years

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a conclusion i have come to while working on My Novel That I’m Writing is that one of these days i need to just pick a protagonist that resembles the bkg in my head because he is legitimately my absolute favorite thing to write

#no shit i am working on my novel rn and i just remembered the one bkg pov wip i have and like...signed longingly #HE IS SO FUN TO WRITE....not just because of his actual voice but his actions and reactions to #the way his thoughts contrast with his actions and the things he doesn't even let himself think #the amount of irony that comes with the way he views things and the way we can see they actually are #the way he has strong definite feelings about everything around him #i feel like i've talked abt recently but having him as a narrator is like. a dream come true for me as a writer he meshes so well w the way #i like to narrate he has so much to SAY #i never feel like i'm pulling thoughts out of him he just feels so much #anyway. weird rant i just got on there #i do love my protagonist a lot - i love her....#i love making her panicky and making her repeat mantras to herself and jump abt little things and flub dialogue #i think she's fun to drive around this world she's in because i'm letting her change to fit it #sweet little ohio girl in the big city. there is only so much of her outside that she'll really be feeling on the inside #when i let myself embrace that it's a lot better than trying to make her like actually cool and collected #she thinks a lot! her thoughts can easily move her from one feeling to the next #that's not a personality trait i had written in a profile or anything but it's definitely the voice i'm settling on for her #can't wait to make her get angrier #i had her Grunt in last weeks chapter and i was like ooh yeah more of that more of that #cannot wait to have her flirt and cry and scream. i think she'll be good for it #there's something to be said about that too i think. the emotions i get to dig into that i wouldn't really see in bkg #mr angry when he cries angry when he feels useless angry when he feels regret bkg katsuki #this is like...even more tags than usual but basically i'm just thinking abt writing #i do actually have a character who kinda does share the stubborn/reactionary/highly emotional tone i tend to put into bkg #but i gotta like...make a story for them .#come to think of it why aren't they in a story of mine. why are they just floating around in my head #thoughts

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2-fast-2-curious · 2 years

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I Know You Wanna Go to Heaven But You’re Human Tonight

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Female Reader

Summary: Your husband and forever Valentine, Matt Murdock is working too much. You surprise him at the office but you’re the one who’s going to be in for a surprise.

Warnings: Office sex, Breeding kink, Matt talks a lot and it’s dirty, unprotected sex, pregnancy talk, discussion of contraceptives, discussions of fertility struggles, barely any clothes are taken off, IDK anything about Catholicism and that might show with the way they talk about the wedding and birth control.

A/N: For all my lovely readers, you’re all my valentines today. I feel like I haven’t written something this filthy in a while but I had to try super hard since it’s for @princessphilly breeding kink challenge. Also usually I write a whole thing at once but I kept getting too turned on and had to take so many breaks because I was getting too worked up. I was an idiot and starting writing this without even checking if it was eligible but it is because its Marvel and that’s the ship I will be dying on. Also I doubt I’ll be able to finish the series before Netflix takes it off.

You had been running errands around town for most of the day but you really missed Matt and wanted to check in on him. You knew how sometimes he forgot to take care of himself when he got wrapped up in a case.

“Hey, babe. Just wanted to drop by and keep you company.” You leaned over the desk to give Matt a kiss and it still made your heart race every time he rested his fingers on your jaw.

You described each item as you unpacked your bag. “Here’s an order of pasta from our favourite place, tomato basil arancini, a salad with burrata, figs and prosciutto. I also got us some San Pellegrino. I would’ve gotten us wine but it’s a bit early for that.”

“How many people were you planning to feed?” Matt asked as you filled his entire desk with food.

“Okay, I admit, I originally had gone to Eataly in Flatiron to pick up some accoutrements for our meal and I got carried away.”

“We also have a new set of ravioli stamps so that’s what we’re doing next weekend.”

“Thank you very much, Mrs. Murdock.” Matt loved calling you that and you loved it when he did. You loved belonging to him in every sense.

“I promise I’ll try not to distract you too much, I just wanted to be close to you.” You took out a thick binder from your bag and sat down on one of the chairs on the opposite side of Matt’s large wooden desk. You had picked it up this morning by your friend, Stella. She was tired of waiting for the ‘right’ partner and decided she wanted to have a child by herself.

Matt’s ears picked up on the sound of you putting the binder down on his desk. It was too heavy to be a novel or a notebook. “What is that?”

“Stella gave it to me, she’s in the final stages of choosing a sperm donor and she wants a second opinion.” You now had Matt’s full attention.

“Well, you do have excellent taste in men.” Matt punctuated his statement with a smirk.

“You think you’re joking but you should consider selling your sperm if this whole lawyer thing doesn’t work or if we never need extra money.” Who were you kidding, you lived in New York City, you always needed extra money. “I feel like every person in the book is just you but described by a different person.”

“Care to elaborate?” Matt seeming to have forgotten about the case he was working on.

“Smart”

“Ridiculously fast reflexes”

“Funny”

“Ivy-league educated”

“Good physique”

“Beautiful eyes”

“Strong moral compass”

“Athletic”

“Honest”

“Good mouth shape”

“Owns his own business”

“Very observant”

“Tidy”

With each trait, you leaned closer to Matt, you could go on forever but your lips landed on him, silencing your list of compliments.

You broke away before the kiss could get more heated. “Matt when I came in here I promised I wouldn’t be a distraction. Now you’ve got me all worked up.”

“Some of those I don’t think are on the profiles and some of them are redundant.” Matt took off his glasses stashing them inside a drawer of his desk. “But you know a compliment is never wasted on me so I’ll allow it, babe.”

“Regardless, I think you’re excellent baby daddy material.” Your heart was fluttering as you admired your husband sitting on the other side of the desk. Is it weird to have a crush on the person you’re married to?

Matt closed his laptop and moved it off his desk. “That’s just your uterus talking.”

“What do you know about my uterus?” You were puzzled, wondering if you had said something to Matt.

“Since we’ve been together this is the first time that your body has been ovulating.” Matt paused, unsure if he should continue. “I can…um smell it”

The type of birth control you were on previously had prevented pregnancy by stopping your body from releasing eggs but you were thinking about switching to something else. Therefore, this was the first time your body was naturally ovulating in a very long time.

You felt embarrassed despite it being something you couldn’t control. Plus Matt wasn’t the type of guy who would purposely bring something like that up to shame you. “Oh, is that weird for you?”

Matt held your hand reassuringly. “Only in the sense of how badly I want to take you over every flat surface in this office.”

“I have an appointment with my gynecologist next week to try to get on something different.”

“What if you didn’t?” You almost didn’t understand what Matt was implying. “This case should be wrapped up six months from now and the publicity it could bring could mean a more flexible workload for us. It would give me plenty of time to dote on my pregnant wife and help out with the kid.”

You and Matt both wanted to have kids. You knew how heartbreaking and lengthy the struggle could be to conceive. Seeing your friends going through their various fertility journeys had you thinking about bringing it up to Matt soon but you weren’t excepting it to come up this soon. “Yes.”

“Yes, what, Mrs. Murdock?” Even though you knew Matt couldn’t see you, the intensity of his words made you shift in your seat.

“I want you to get me pregnant, Matthew Murdock.” Finally saying the words out loud felt so right and gave you the boost of confidence you needed. “Right now, here in your office on your desk and any other flat surface you can think of.”

“C’mere, babe.” Matt patted his lap. You had stopped protesting about being too heavy or big to sit on Matt like his long ago instead choosing to focus your energy on other arguments that you actually had a chance of winning.

“I love feeling your weight on me like this.” Matt pulled you closer by your thighs and rested his head on your bosom to hear your heartbeat. His hands slipped between your legs and you lifted your hips to give him the space he needed. “You’re so desperate, turned on, and ready for me and I barely even touched you yet.”

“You’ve just been turning yourself on thinking about me, haven’t you?” He smiled when he felt the silky feeling of your pantyhose on his rough hands. His fingers danced up your thighs until he reached your pussy.

Matt just rested his hand there feeling how hot and wet you were getting. You whimpered, bucking your hips trying to get more of his touch. “I think you need to share. Tell me what you’ve been thinking about in that pretty little brain of yours.”

You thought about last night when it was just you and your vibrator while Matt stayed late at the office. It might have been a cliche but the fantasy never failed to get you off. “I think about when you’re all sweaty from the gym, all those grunts you make. Makes me wish you would just take me on the floor. You take the wraps off your hands to shove you in my mouth to gag me, reminding me to keep quiet since someone could walk in at any moment.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of how amazing that mouth of yours is.” Matt continued to cup your pussy, his hand the perfect size to hold you like this. You loved feeling how well the two of you fit together.

He pulled off your silky pantyhose and pushed your skirt higher above your hips. Matt’s fingers pressed against your panty-clad crotch, chuckling at the wet spot. “Such a good girl getting yourself so wet and ready for my cock. You want me to fuck you on the floor like an animal? Is that what you want? Answer me.”

Matt’s fingers dipped underneath the lace of your panties and into your wetness, rubbing you just the way you liked. “Yes, I want that. I want you to want me so badly you don’t care about the consequences and how wrong it might be.”

Matt pulled his well-coated fingers out of you, wrapping his tongue around the digits. “How the fuck do you always taste so good?”

Matt returned his fingers to your warmth. “Sorry I haven’t been home much last week. You have no idea how irresistible you are when your body is doing everything in it’s power, making you oh so fuckable. I knew once I sunk in that sweet cunt I wouldn’t be able to pull out.”

“I would’ve had to fill you up and breed you.” You didn’t realize you had been grinding yourself on Matt’s fingers until he used his free hand to stop the movement of your hips. “Probably over and over again just to make sure it takes.”

You were so touch starved it didn’t take long for you to get close but Matt pulled his fingers away from you before you could get any closer. While still in the chair, Matt cleared his desk, making space for you. He hitched one of your legs to rest of the top of solid wood desk. Matt pushed his chair away and you were preparing to feel nudge of his cock. Instead, Matt got on his knees pulling your panties completely off, taking a deep inhale of the damp fabric before putting it in the breast pocket of his jacket.

His tongue swiped languidly across your folds, moaning at your taste. “You know I adore how you taste but it’s different when you’re ovulating.”

Your nails dig into the edge of Matt’s desk as you cry out Matt’s name. “Please Matt, I’m so close.”

“C’mon baby, come for me. Gotta make sure this pussy’s nice and relaxed before I impail you with my cock.” Matt flicks his tongue against your clit, making your body shake and thrash before going limp.

Matt gets off his knees, unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down to free his erection. “You look so pretty all spread out on my desk.”

Matt’s fingers swipe some of the wetness that was dripping from your pussy to the edge of the desk. “Look at the mess you’ve made, baby.”

You heard the wet sounds as Matt used the fluid to fist the shaft of his cock. His hand goes back to your still-sensitive pussy shushing your whimpers as he gathers more of your wetness to coat his dick.

Matt comes up behind you, pressing his throbbing cock against your plush ass. “Matt, please, I need your hard cock inside me.”

Matt leans over you, adjusting himself so his hardness slides between your folds. “You just came and you’re already begging for more.” Matt whispers, in your ear as he plays with your hair. “Such a desperate cock-hungry slut.”

“I’ve thought about this every day since the last time I was inside you. Matt sunk into you slowly, allowing you to feel every inch as he kisses the side of your face.

As Matt went deeper, you whimpered, every time you thought it might be finished Matt had more for you. “I know, baby, I know it’s a stretch.”

“You’re like this every time it’s been a while.” Matt chuckles as you wiggle on the desk, wanting him to start moving. “Stay still, baby, just let me feel this pulsing cunt squeezing me so well.”

“It just can’t wait to milk my cock and take every single drop of my cum.” Matt’s thursts start slowly, his hips slapping against the flush of your ass. “You’re being such a good girl for me. Letting me inside this pussy unprotected when you’re at your most fertile.”

“I’ve been thinking about this ever since we got married.” Matt admitted. “Your dress was beautiful. I know you’re going to say that how would I know since I couldn’t see it. But I just know it was.”

Despite Matt describing one of the sweetest moments in your relationship, he started to go faster.You and Matt had a winter wedding. Your dress was white velvet, long-sleeved, off the shoulder, fitted with lace detail around the neckline and sleeves. When you chose it you made sure to pay attention to the texture and feel of all the different materials. Matt was so appreciative of this when you guided his hand over your body before the reception so he could feel everything.

You could hear the smile in Matt’s voice as he recounted that day. “I could feel the warmth radiating from your bare shoulders and neck. The way you threw your velvet sleeves around my neck when we shared our first kiss as husband and wife. I loved how the fabric clung to your hips. You were almost too beautiful, almost had to have you right there in the church.”

Matt hiked the leg that was on the desk to wrap around his hips, allowing him to go deeper. “Oh fuck, I’m going to get you pregnant.”

Matt’s movements got more frantic, stimulating your clit on the edge of the desk. “My perfect little wife is going to look so cute with a swollen belly and tits.”

The thought caused your pussy to momentarily tighten around him and there was no way the cheeky bastard didn’t pick that up. “You like that didn’t you? You like the idea of walking around and everyone knowing what I did to you. Complete strangers knowing that I’ve claimed you and you’re mine.”

Matt’s words pushed you over the edge. “Oh fuck. Matt, I’m going to come.”

“Yeah, gorgeous? I’m close too.” Matt grunted as your cunt fluttered around him. He released inside you kissing your neck as warmth overfilled your sensitive cunt.

Matt hugged you from behind, snuggling his head in your neck. “You did such a good job, taking me so well. I’m so lucky to have you.”

You made noises of agreement and hissed when he pulled out of you. Words felt like they took too much energy right now.

“Did I tire you out?” Matt asked as he helped you off his desk. “I guess I’ll just have to work on building up your stamina again.”

“I’ve been neglecting you and I’m sorry that I haven’t been taking care of you properly.” Matt’s snuggles continued in his chair. “I might have been gotten a bit carried away. If you want me to, I can run down to the pharmacy and pick up the plan B pill.”

“I can’t wait to have your child.” Matt fixed your clothes, wrapped you up in a throw, and helped you into an oversized armchair in the corner of his office. The quiet sounds of Matt working lulling you into an afternoon nap.

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plsimsuchasimp · 3 years

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gone (cheating ft. kenma)

an anon asked me to write another version of this post, so here it is. i’m sorry about this, it’s definitely not my best work.

request: “Can you do another cheating fic but with kenma since he is my favorite character”

genre: angst

ft: kenma kozume x gn reader, a little bit of kuroo tetsuro

wc: 1.8k

warnings: fainting, angst, implied cheating

Flopping down on your bed, you picked up your phone and shot off a quick text message to your boyfriend, Kenma.

“hey babe, can we call? it’s been a really long week and I haven’t seen you in forever,” you wrote, pressing the send button with only a moment’s hesitation.

Sighing, you scrolled upwards a bit, reading through the message history. Recently, his texts had been getting shorter and more abrupt, often making excuses when you asked to see him or talk to him.

1 new message. Distracted, you scrolled down to see Kenma’s text.

“sorry can’t i was just about to sleep”

Frowning, you glanced at the top of the screen. 10:53 pm. He never went to bed this early, let alone slept. Your throat constricted, but you tried to brush it off, the thoughts whispering at the back of your head like malicious pixies, insecurities and harsh words. You stared at the simple string of words, wondering what to say. Are you okay? you’ve seemed off recently. No, you were probably just overthinking it.

“okay, have a good night! ily” Read 10:57 pm. No response.

Putting the phone down, you tried to push it to the back of your thoughts, but it nagged at you. Turning on your PC, you logged onto discord and noticed Kenma’s status. He was playing a multiplayer game, in a VC with one other person. Right-clicking, you ignored the feeling of distrust and clicked on the other player’s profile.

You knew her- she was a friend of Kenma’s from school. Kenma had promised you they were just friends, that you had nothing to worry about, but the insecurities crept in again as you realized he’d been spending a lot more time with her instead of you. Biting your lip, you looked back at your phone, the accusing text glaring at you. It seemed innocuous, seemed like you were overreacting. Kenma didn’t really get why you were insecure- he always told you he only had eyes for you, but lately, it didn’t really feel like it.

The last time you two had hung out, he’d laughed at something on his phone, then turned away when you asked to see what it was, muttering something vague about a funny tiktok. You didn’t think much of it at the time, but with thoughts crowding your head, you wondered if it really had been just a video. Kozume had always been distant- you understood that when you started dating him, but was it too much to ask for a scrap of his attention?

You were torn. On one hand, you wanted to trust Kenma, believe that everything he told you was true and he still loved you like he used to. On the other, your gut was telling you there was something off. Praying that he wasn’t hiding anything, you entered a different browser and logged into his Discord account. You’d given each other the passwords to your socials a while ago, your way of showing that you had nothing to hide.

Incorrect login information. The words appeared in red on the screen, the password field outlined in red. You tried again, ensuring that there were no typos, and it still registered as wrong. Your stomach sank, staring at the message on the screen. He changed his password and didn’t tell you. At this point, you knew something was wrong, but you didn’t want to ask him in fear of seeming insecure or clingy, both traits Kenma disliked. Before you could lose yourself further in the swirling tornado of your thoughts, your phone dinged with a new message. It was from Kuroo.

“hey y/n, are you up? we need to talk.”

Brow furrowing, you responded with “yeah, is everything okay?” He read the text, and then the call icon rang at the top of the screen, red and green buttons buzzing gently. You accepted the call, answering with “Hi Kuroo.”

“Hey y/n,” he said, his voice quieter than normal.

“Are you okay?” He sounded off, sad somehow.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. There’s something I need to tell you, though.” You paused for a second, hoping it wasn’t what you thought it was, before he continued. “Kenma- Kenma cheated on you.”

“W-what?” Time seemed to stop. you couldn’t, didn’t want to believe your ears. Your breath caught in your throat, shock freezing your body in place.

“Shit, y/n, I’m so sorry. I just found out.” Kuroo was still talking, but you weren’t hearing him. It seemed impossible, even though you’d seen it coming. “Y/n? Are you okay?”

Startled, you choked out, “Yeah, I’m okay, just a little shocked.” a little was an understatement. “H-how did you find out?”

“Well,” he sighed, “I saw him kiss her behind the cafe yesterday. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was still figuring out what to do.” Guilt laced his words, and you got the feeling there was still something he hadn’t said.

“What else?” From his slight intake of breath, you could tell you’d caught him off guard. He was silent for a moment.

“He’s been texting her on Discord for the past month or so. I think you know her, (f/n)?” You felt your heart crash into your stomach, and your worst fears were confirmed. Switching back onto your computer, you saw that Kenma was still playing the game with the girl, and your stomach clenched.

“Yeah, I know her.” He noticed that your voice was quiet, subdued, and he swallowed.

“Y/n, I’m- I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.” He was silent then, waiting for you to speak.

“No, no, it’s fine,” You said, your voice oddly calm. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Of course. Hey, are you going to be okay?” He asked, unsure what was really happening inside your head.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” Before he had a chance to say anything else, you hung up, mind spinning.

Oddly enough, you didn’t feel anything. You knew in the back of your head that this was your way of coping, that the hurt and anger and sadness would come later, but for now you didn’t care. Methodically, you went to all of your socials and blocked Kenma, hesitating only slightly to block his number in your phone.

You shut off your computer and turned your phone to silent, sitting in silence on your bed. Slowly, your eyes filled with tears that spilled down your cheeks, expressionless besides the gleaming tear streaks staining your face. Your shoulders shook, and everything seemed to crash down at once.

Your body couldn’t keep up, the sobs overtaking you until you were lightheaded. The room was spinning and the shining moonlight was glinting through the blinds at odd angles, seeming to distort your vision. You couldn’t breathe, and then everything faded to black.

You woke up a few seconds later with your head on the pillow, dazed and hearing the blood pound through your head. You groaned and lay there for a couple of minutes, letting your breathing slow.

You got up and brushed your teeth, staring at your puffy eyes in the mirror. It hurt, to know the man you loved didn’t feel the same anymore. What did you do wrong? Were you too clingy, not good enough, not there for him enough? Why would he cheat on you?

Guilt vibrated around you, and it brought back the memories of every other time. It must have been your fault- it always was.

Sleep took you uneasily that night, creeping in around your obsessive, painful thoughts and lulling you to distraction.

The next morning at school, you wiped the pain from your face and moved through the day in a haze. You saw Kenma in the hallway, leaning against the lockers on his phone, and avoided eye contact. When you saw her, (f/n), anger and hurt swelled up in your stomach, and you tried to swallow it and avoid lashing out.

Later, Kenma stared at his phone as an error message popped up when he tried to text you. We’re sorry, the number you’re trying to reach is unavailable. A pit formed in his stomach, and he went to his other socials, reaching the same conclusions in other places.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, amber eyes scanning the hallway. You were already gone, though, and he moved through the swarm of people, eyes focused on the exit. Where would you have gone?

When he showed up at your house that afternoon, you were surprised. He doesn’t waste time, showing you his phone and bluntly asking “Why did you block me?” Your eyes widened to see him slouching there, clearly uncomfortable with going out of his way to do this. “Are you angry at me?”

“Kozume, I don’t really want to talk to you right now.” His face twisted at your use of his last name.

“Why not?”

At this point, you sighed, tired of everything. “You cheated on me. That’s why.” Your voice cracks in the last sentence, and the world stops.

His stomach drops as you turn away, the weight of the world on your shoulders. “N-no. Y/n. Please don’t go!”

Kenma’s not good with words, and you understand that. Sometimes, though, it feels like he’s not trying. As he shook his head frantically, chin-length hair swaying around his beautiful face, you could tell he wanted to say something, but he can’t.

“What is there to say, Kozume?” Your eyes were brimming with tears, your heart squeezing at the sight of him.

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean to.” Even he knows how weak this sounds, how pathetic of him, and when he looks back up at you, his eyes are shiny. “I love you.”

His words ring hollow, and you scoff. “Where was that love when you kissed her behind the cafe? Where was it when you were constantly texting her on discord? Where was it when I needed you and you weren’t there?” You shake your head, heartbreak written all over your features. It’s then that he remembers the declined calls, the unanswered texts, the neglect he subjected you to as he pushed you away.

“I hope you’re happy with her, because we’re done.”

He didn’t even have a good reason this time. All he knew was that he wanted you to stay, but he knew he didn’t deserve a second chance. Against his will, a tear slid down his cheek and dropped to the floor, making him sniffle.

There was nothing you wanted more than to pull him into your arms, cry into his shoulder, but you couldn’t. It hurt too much. You stepped back and slammed the door on him for the final time.

Leaning your head against the door, all of your emotions spilled out. You were silently crying, the ache in your chest almost too much to bear. You thought you heard your name outside the door, whispered just loud enough for you to hear, but you just sank down to the floor and let the tears fall.

On the other side of the door, Kenma’s phone buzzed. It was a text from her, and the disgust and anger that filled his stomach at the sight was enough for him to know he’d never forgive himself for hurting you like this.

“I love you.”

a/n: srry for the anticlimatic ending i was just feeling super bad and not in the mood to write but i wanted to get this out here, hope you like it.

#kenma kuzome #kenma x y/n #kenma x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #kozume kenma #kenma angst #angst #kozume angst #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo #kozume

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qslovebot · 3 years

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Midnight Escapade: Spencer Reid

Summary: Spencer Reid and the reader have been crushing on each other since they met, but neither of them cared to admit it. When doubled up in a hotel room for the night, reader tries to convince Spencer to go with her at 12:30am to get frozen yogurt to cheer him up and it turns into much more than a snack run.

Pairing: Spencer x Fem!Reader

Warnings/Includes: Swearing, mutual pining (a long time of pining leads up to this fic), food, mention of Sept 11, 2001, self-doubt, fluff, kissing

Word Count: 4533

The case was solved, closed, and finally, your eyes could rest. The case you had just finished was particularly stressful to not only you, but your fellow BAU members as well. You all hadn't slept for nearly twenty-nine hours and Hotch decided it was best you all got the rest you deserved at a nearby hotel.

The ride there, you struggled to keep your eyes open, but Spencer Reid was on another greatly interesting rant about a show he liked, so you figured you would try to stay awake to hear it. You always listened to him because a lot of the time, the rest of the team dismissed him and his oddly accurate monologues. They grew tired of Spencer talking so much about things they didn't understand but you were rather the opposite- and that's probably because you liked Spencer so much.

The two of you met when he was introduced to the BAU. Praised for his mind, he introduced himself to you with a shaky voice and a meek handshake. You instantly admired him from his geeky personality outwards to his tall, thin self with a face sculpted by artists. Little did you know he did the same, but immediately thought of you as out of his league, so he stayed quiet.

You had been friends since then, pairing up on cases as your minds seemed to work like a perfectly oiled machine when together. Like Penelope and Derek, you two were known for the science jokes no one understood and shared looks of adoration that the both of you somehow didn't recognize as romantic. But everyone else saw it.

Derek Morgan teased a lot. He talked to Reid about working with the 'pretty girl' every day, poking him in the side and messing with his hair. The geek and the girl who was smart as hell, but didn't make it her dominant trait.

A doctor and the outgoing agent who matched the loudness of Penelope Garcia at times at karaoke night. You brought more liveliness to the BAU- more music, more spinning, more levity in dark cases. Spencer was always trying to hide a smile when you walked in, trying to pretend he hadn't been waiting for you to bring him coffee each morning. You didn't need an eidetic memory to remember his order and that, for some reason, always sent him over the moon.

But you were here now, listening to him wrap up his story as you fought the sleep that was looming over you as the car came to a stop outside the hotel.

"-And that was the end of it all. I think it's so fascinating how they wrapped everything up into this intricate timeline of interactions and moments and backtracks. We should, uh, watch it sometime." He said as he hopped out of the back, holding his small bag and yours.

You sleepily hopped out after him, hoping you didn't look like you felt, because you truly felt like hell. "Yeah, I'd like that," was all you could really mumble out. He passed you your bag and you smiled your thank you.

Emily held you up by the shoulders as Hotch sent through the check-in information. "Some case, huh?" She laughed as you rubbed your left eye. "I suppose we can't make this a girl's night of post-case celebration if you're dead asleep."

You groaned, "You wanted to do that? Damn it, Em, I'm sorry-"

"You need beauty sleep, (Y/N). I'm not mad or anything, I'll just take a bath and pull out an adult romance novel." A smirk played on her lips as she raised her eyebrows. You chuckled tiredly. "Seriously, no worries."

"Did I hear talk of a romance novel?" Derek shuffled over. "Which one are we reading? 50 Shades of Grey?"

Spencer stepped in, "Did you know that 50 Shades of Grey is actually fanfiction written about Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Saga? If you go further back, Stephanie started Twilight as written alternate universe fanfiction where the emo-slash-hardcore band My Chemical Romance were all vampires. But My Chemical Romance was started by musician and comic book creator- who published a series of comics called The Umbrella Academy in 2008, unrelated, his name was - Gerard Way, who created the band to make music that expressed the trauma he was given from witnessing the twin towers falling on September 11th, 2001."

Emily looked at him, jaw open. "So Nine-Eleven essentially created a badly-written and toxic sex novel, years later?"

Spencer nodded, eyes flickering to you for a brief moment. Derek grinned at Emily, "So you have read 50 Shades of Grey, huh?" He teased. She swat at his wiggly fingers away as Hotch walked over, brow furrowed.

"Rooms need to be doubled up tonight. Morgan, you can come with me. As much as you may hate it, I feel like (Y/L/N) here might collapse on the spot, so we can't go anywhere else." He handed Spencer and Emily a key, expecting them to make their own choices. Of course, Emily knew exactly what she needed to do when Hotch walked off. You were about to turn and go with her, but she bolted off, reaching for JJ.

You looked up at Spencer Reid who had his mouth in a shy, straight-lipped smile. You both knew what this meant, but you were glad you'd get to crash somewhere, floor or not. The room was on the fifth floor, so you took the elevator with Spencer in silence that you were sure he was granting you until you reached the door of your room.

"I will... take the floor tonight," he said, sticking the key in the lock. "You're tired and I'm just going to get dinner and um... read."

His watch read 4:34 pm- it was so much earlier than you had thought, but you were almost collapsing. "I'm sorry," were the last words you could reply with before you walked into the room, got into the bed, and you were out, cold.

You had never had such a fulfilling sleep. You woke up feeling clean, fresh, renewed and restored. There was no groggy feeling that you had accidentally travelled to another dimension while asleep. The room was dim, except for the lamp that was on in the right corner.

When you peered over the edge of the bed, there was Spencer, laying on his stomach with few pillows under his chest and elbows, a book in his hands. He looked peaceful, quiet, calm. "Spence," you whispered. He practically jumped out of his skin and you couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my god, I'm sorry." You grinned.

He smiled sheepishly, setting down his book. "You're awake."

You nodded back, "How long was I out?"

"Since 4:34, so... 8 hours and 20 minutes. It's only 12:22am." Spencer sat up and against the wall while you adjusted yourself to sit cross-legged. You were still in your clothes from earlier and it surprised you to see Spencer in less preppy clothing.

Well, less preppy for him. No cardigan, no dress shirt, just a t-shirt that read 'math is as easy as pi' with the pi symbol made of cherry pie and his regular khaki pants. "Aren't you tired?" you asked, smiling from his shirt, back to him.

"No, uh, I actually got about four hours in the middle of your eight. I usually don't dream anymore but I actually dreamt I was falling, which is a sign of..." he stopped himself, but he was with another profiler, what was the use, you could already fill in the blanks. He continued, "Which is a sign of insecurity and inferiority, but I don't believe in dream analysis..."

You furrowed your brow, watching his eyes look down at his hands. "Are you feeling insecure and inferior, Dr.Reid, because need I remind you that 99% of the time, it's your brain that leads us to solve the cases."

He shook his head, "Thinking myself over, I'd-I'd say it doesn't revolve around work." The stutter was back. He hadn't talked to you with a stutter in months, you'd assumed it was just because he wasn't as comfortable around you then, but now it was back. Spencer Reid needed to be cheered up, something was wrong.

"Well you know you can tell me anything, right? I've kept secrets about my friends since grade one, I can keep yours." You slipped off of the bed and walked to your bag on the table in the far corner. You could feel Spencer's eyes on you as you went, so you shot him a smile over your shoulder. He reverted back to looking at his hands.

Through situations and being friends, you knew Spencer was insecure. He was bullied constantly as a child, some going as far as to strip him down and beat him. Disgusting, self-esteem-ruining acts you wished you could remove from his eidetic memory.

You took off your button-up blouse to stay in your white t-shirt that lay underneath. You hadn't the time to remove it before falling asleep. Thinking about that- you probably had bedhead too. Your balled-up shirt was shoved into your bag and you pulled out a brush in exchange, to get the knots out of your hair.

"I could really go for frozen yogurt right now," you said, running the wooden brush through your hair. Spencer narrowed his eyes at you, a little confused. "I haven't eaten dinner."

"It's nearly 12:30 am..." Spencer said. It looked like he was running through his vast mind to find a scientific explanation as to why you might have wanted frozen yogurt at half-past midnight. You let him, a teasing smile on your lips as you pulled the top bit of your hair up. "Are you pregnant?" He asked, out of the blue, entirely serious. Seemed like the only logical explanation he could find. You nearly choked on the air.

"No, Spencer, I am not pregnant!" You laughed. His face tightened as he went back to searching his mind. "I just want frozen yogurt. Regular cravings, not... pregnancy cravings. Are you coming?"

He looked at you, oddly surprised he was invited. "Why?"

"Why not?" You picked up his jacket from the hook and tossed it to him. "Nobody has to see your cheesy math shirt."

He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck, but went right back to being analytical, a mumbling rant with hand gestures.

"The average half-cup serving of frozen yogurt alone has about 17.3 grams of sugar and plus various toppings, the sugar is upped to at least 25 grams. But, versus a half-cup serving of vanilla ice cream, the sugar is only about 14 grams and with toppings can be upped to about 22. Fat-wise-"

You interrupted him because this was seemingly the only way to lift his mood and he was making excuses to stay here and wallow. "Come on, for once, let's be able to act like the youngest members of the team. Once, Spence. I don't need a play-by-play on how much sugar is in it- though I did find that interesting-I just want frozen yogurt and I would like you to come with me. I'll pay for yours if you want any, just... please?"

He met your eyes with a curl falling down his forehead and quickly looked back at his hands. You'd been friends for nearly a year and four months and he still couldn't look you in the eyes for long. He really wasn't good at refusing you at all, either.

Spencer nodded and you practically beamed. Maybe this would help to take his mind off of what was bothering him, even if the distraction was brief. You jumped on the spot and slipped on your own jacket and grabbed your wallet, ready to go and by the door.

He had a small smile when the two of you stepped out, his hands behind his back. You locked the door behind you and the two of you walked silently to the elevator, careful not to accidentally wake anyone else in case they decided to peer out into the hall.

In the elevator, you turned and looked up at Spencer who was fiddling with his hands. "You look nervous, Spence. It's frozen yogurt, not a pretty girl."

"Well I'm with-" he stopped himself again and actually started laughing his breathy laugh, squeezing his own hand so hard his knuckles turned white while his cheeks and nose went a little pink. "You..." He finished, rocking on his heels.

You scrunched your nose, shaking your head. Though you mentally disagreed with him sometimes on your appearance, you smiled and looked back up at him. "Thank you. You're pretty too."

He shrugged himself further into his jacket, hands still wildly fidgeting. "Thank you..."

You both stepped out of the elevator the moment it got to the ground floor, looking for air that wasn't filled with odd tension neither of you could explain. You two walked through the lobby and into the cool midnight air outside, where things were open, dark, and still.

You shut your eyes for a moment and opened your arms to face the gentle, cool wind that blew your hair and hit your face gently. Inhaling deeply, you opened your eyes again to Spencer in a similar state, but much less relaxed looking. Instead, it looked like he was trying to calm himself down.

"Spence, you look out of it," you said, folding your arms over your chest. You had gotten him outside, now maybe instead of distracting him from whatever it was, you could help him through it. It was part of being a friend- profiling wasn't needed to see he was thinking long and hard over something that bothered him. "You can tell me what's wrong."

He started walking down the street toward the neon lights that shone bright with the word 'fro-yo', you stepped quickly to follow. "If I like a girl.. h-how am I supposed to go about telling her?" He asked, not even looking at you. His forehead was creased and his hands in his jacket pockets.

So this was about a girl he liked. Spencer Reid had a crush. Of course, you were oblivious it was you, but Spencer Reid was romantically interested in someone!

Yay?

An odd feeling of happiness came with finding this out and there was an uprising feeling within you like the first drop on a rollercoaster, but it lingered... and it was much less happy. You ignored it, of course, letting your outer emotions display themselves.

"Dr. Spencer Reid, the human encyclopedia- have you finally found a girl that puts you at a loss for words?" You teased, pressing the back of your hand to your head for dramatic effect, struggling to keep up with him.

His mouth twitched, "Maybe."

"Well, to be honest, Spence, just... tell her. Just go at it- ask to kiss her, maybe, then confess after. Or... or, you could confess, see how she takes it, then you can see if you should or shouldn't kiss her based off of if you get rejected or not." You told him, catching him by the shoulder to get him to slow down at the entrance of the frozen yogurt place.

He was much taller than you, so that came with him being that much faster, but that didn't matter now, he had stopped. Spencer looked at you, concern in his eyes, panic. You smiled kindly, "She won't reject you. I don't know any girl who would even think of it." Reassurance, because he needed it.

His eyes trailed to the ground and he ran a hand through his hair, opening the door for you. "And w-what do I say?" Spencer asked when you both went inside. You were the only two there and the cashier must have been in the back room.

You hopped over to the flavours, "I mean, whatever feels right, Spence. If you feel like going on a long, romantic, poet-written rant about how much you like her, do that. If you're afraid to bore her, you can wait for her to speak, but the truth is if she can't listen to you rant, she probably isn't worth going for."

He evaluated your words while you casually got yourself vanilla frozen yogurt. He also scanned the flavours, probably mentally shaming the company for marketing this as somewhat healthier. You giggled watching him try to figure out how to get the yogurt out of the machine as you put raspberries in yours.

"(Y/N), uh..." he said quietly, gesturing you over. The genius's mind was scrambled enough to miss the lever in front of him. You took his cup from him and pulled the lever, to which he made an 'o' shape with his mouth and nodded comprehensively.

"Chocolate mocha," you smiled, handing it to him as he stood there sheepishly again. "Good choice."

You spun back to your yogurt, adding a bit of honey over the top of it all. He followed, choosing raspberries as well, silently adding them. He still didn't seem at rest with the girl thing, you noticed by the way he was failing to open the scoop-box of cookie crumbs. He had long fingers, usually nimble ones, but not so much right now. Spencer was too stressed to work properly. Error in the system, you may have joked if things weren't so bad with him.

When you were both finished, Spencer tapped the little service bell on the desk and a little woman, maybe mid-30s came out wearing the merchandise of the shop. You both placed your cups on the scale and she weighed them for the price, but both you and Spencer pulled out your wallets.

He put his card out faster, so you swat his hand with your card and paid while he mumbled "Ow..." Of course, you checked to see if he was really hurt, but he had his small, crooked smile back on his face. He was okay, maybe he was feeling better?

Saying good morning/night to the lady, you both stepped back into the midnight air, starting to walk, but not back toward the hotel. You'd think with what cases you two had worked on you'd be a little warier, but with each other, you both felt safe. You walked a few steps, eating your yogurt, before Spencer spoke up again. "Is it a bad thing I'm so clueless as to what women like? Everything I know about women is scientific. Chocolate releases endorphins, flowers are associated with beauty and love, but... other than that... I don't know anything."

You swallowed your bite as Reid took his, waiting on your answer. Just as you always listened to him, he always listened to you. He probably valued your opinion over Derek's at times. You waved your spoon in the air when you spoke, "I wouldn't say bad. Everyone starts somewhere for everything. If anything, a man who is willing to learn is more attractive than one who wings it and doesn't ask comprehensive questions to up the relationship quality."

"Asking questions, got it. Should my confession include a gesture, though?" He spoke with his mouth full. Spencer really wanted to get this right- it was admirable. But there came that uneasy feeling again. It was more like an ache this time. Perhaps it was the awkward hours of sleep throwing you off?

You sucked it up, shoved the feeling down. "Really, Spence, it depends on the woman. Do I know her? Maybe I can help- that is unless you want to profile her to get her interests? I can help with that too-"

"No, I-I don't want to profile her, I want to stay away from that, we do that on a near-daily basis."

"We?" You questioned. Reid froze, but kept walking, looking a little petrified. He put more frozen yogurt in his mouth, maybe to shut himself up. You grinned, "We as in you and her are both profilers or we as in you and I profile others together, so you don't want to profile her with me?"

"I don't want us... to profile her," he cleared his throat. "Yeah..."

You sighed with a breathy laugh, "Good, because I was starting to think you were after Emily."

He chuckled, "Oh, no, not Emily. She's too scary for me anyway. Uh..." He swallowed hard, the way he always did was he was anxious or nervous. I saw in his face he'd come to some sort of conclusion. "Don't... don't yell at me for this, alright?"

"Yell at you? Spence, I wouldn't..." You were confused. He set his frozen yogurt down on the bench he had stopped in front of and stood back in front of you, pushing his hair behind his ears. He looked at you with his doe eyes and the wind blew his curls back in front of his face, he looked to the ground. His forehead still creased between his brows, but his eyes were soft and sweet, his nose was slightly scrunched and his mouth was twisted to the side as if he was once again mentally calculating something. You granted him back the silence from earlier, wondering what was going on in that mind of his. That was... until his eyes met yours and he looked so desperately lost and longing and like he ached inside... and you no longer wondered.

You let out another long sigh. She was you.

This girl that he was trying to understand how to win over, she was you. He asked you because he needed to know what you wanted. He was nervous because he was practically confessing to you and you, a profiler, were too blind to see that.

He watched your face for your reaction, waiting for something good, but you were too shocked to react right. He unfroze, hands flying to the roots of his hair and he spun away from you. He started rambling, obviously thinking everything had gone wrong. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, (Y/N). That- that wasn't how I had things planned and I was so certain that maybe you-hm- liked me too."

His words made it true. This was, in fact, happening at 12:56am in the middle of a foreign city. Your words spilled out, stern, focused, serious. "Kiss me then."

He spun around again, "What?"

"Confess, then kiss, remember?" You recounted carefully, looking directly at him, stepping closer.

"But I didn't get to do my whole monologue thing-" He was grinning pretty hard now, all signs of stress removed from his face. He looked brighter than the neon froyo sign, in happiness and disbelief right down at you. You were pretty sure you looked similar as all the pieces fell in place in your mind. It all fit.

"I don't care." You beamed back. "Do it after."

So without wasting another second, he grabbed your face and kissed you. He kissed you with a year and four months' worth of frustration, lust, confusion and past jealousies. His hands holding your jaw, his fingertips in your hair and your hands on his chest, holding fast to jacket. The kiss was a little messy the first two seconds, but every second after it was enjoyable and sweet and oddly powerful. He also tasted rich, like chocolate mocha, but you knew where that came from.

He pulled away first, which surprised you, but he didn't move very far, in fact, he mumbled against your lips as he tucked your hair out of your face. "I think I've liked you since you and I first met. You didn't hate my science jokes and instead of being annoyed with my informational rants, you listened to me. I wasn't expecting you to be so involved with me since you're, well... you're you and you're loud and fun and sweet and beautiful, but we worked so well together how could I ignore what I felt?"

His hand was a little shaky still, but his fingertips on your cheek were gentle. He continued to quietly ramble, "I decided maybe I'd do something with myself that wasn't devoted to the BAU so I thought maybe I'd- I'd tell you this. That I think you're beautiful and smart and talented and maybe you'd understand and feel the same way and now that I know maybe you do, I feel oddly put back to how I'm supposed to be. And... I think I'm supposed to be with you. If this is too soon or... ruins our friendship, I'm sorry and I'll slow it down, but I won't stop liking you."

You couldn't believe that in a three-minute span you had gone from painfully oblivious to so extremely wide awake. But it was in the best way possible after a year and four months of you also being painfully crushed by your secret feelings for Dr.Reid.

"It's fine, Spence," you said quietly, smiling at him with the most happiness you had found in months. "More than fine, I can't believe this is real."

He tucked the other side of your hair behind your ear, "You might have DRC, then. It stands for dream-reality confusion and is a difficulty or inability to determine whether an event or experience occurred during the waking state or whether it was part of a dream. I can assure you that you aren't dreami-"

You reached up and pulled him onto your lips by the back of the neck, smiling into it. This would be the first time you've ever shut him up. He welcomed it by kissing you back again, softer this time. Now that he was sure you wouldn't hate him for it, it felt a lot more natural, a lot more at ease. His passion was still there, as was yours, but this was how things were supposed to be. There was no longer a rush.

The two of you started laughing after it all. Both of you laughed at how painfully oblivious you both were and he went on a small explanation as to why we don't see our own tells and how feelings of romantic relation cloud the judgement. You went over every time the rest of the team had made a comment you both secretly loved or some you dismissed because it was an ache to hear.

Spencer opened up about his fear of rejection and you did the same and that too resulted in more laughing because here you were, so afraid, but you had both been in it for so long. You deserved to have each other after all this time not only because you fit, but because everyone saw it too, far before either of you did.

An innocent, fun, midnight escapade to cheer Spencer up turned into him finding a truly happy state of mind. You took that as a win and success as you tossed frozen yogurt containers in the garbage and found your way back to your room where you told Spencer it was okay to sleep in the bed as long as he was nice.

So he let you turn out the lights and lay next to him, your head on his chest in the way you had done before when it was only an achingly platonic move. He played with your hair, stared at the green walls, ranted about the history of the colour green and soon after, the both of you went right back to sleep, entirely happy.

Tagged: @ellyhotchner @softhairedhotch

#spencer reid #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #criminalminds #emily prentiss #dr spencer reid #criminal minds fandom #spencer x y/n #cm #aaron hotchner #mutual pining #romance #spencer reid fandom

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heyitssmiller · 3 years

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Bewitched, Body and Soul

So... this happened. Blame the Discord. Basically, the premise is receiving a note from a stranger about having similar tastes in books, and my first thought was Finn/Leo. And now, around 24 hours later, this showed up in my word document. Hope y’all like it!! And don’t worry, I’ve already got a sequel planned with Logan ;)

All characters, of course, belong to the wonderful @lumosinlove

And, if you’re so inclined, check out my Masterlist if you enjoy this story! <3

CW: food/drink

Leo loved this bookstore. There was a west-facing windowfront that allowed all sorts of afternoon light to shine through, creating a large, warm sunspot right in Leo’s favorite armchair. The shelves were always neatly organized by category, there was a featured book of the week, and there was a coffee shop sequestered to one corner of the building. What else did he need in life? He’d spent countless hours here, sitting with a new book and a cup of coffee or tea and getting lost in whatever world he’d been transported to within the crisp pages and black ink. Being new to the city, there were probably better ways to make friends, but there was something so soothing, so comfortingly familiar about shutting off the worry in his mind and just focusing on the story unfolding in his hands.

But when his stomach growled loudly in protest, he figured he needed to put reading on hold.

There was a wrinkled, jagged-edged scrap of paper sitting on top of Leo’s book when he returned to his table, café pastry in hand. It hadn’t been there a second ago. Curiously, Leo set his food down and inspected the foreign paper. Messy, inelegant scrawl slanted across the page in deep blue ink. The lines were uneven and chaotic; the i’s weren’t even dotted, almost as if it took too much effort to go back and add them in. Leo found it strangely endearing. It read:

Hi!

I don’t think we’ve met, but based on your choice of literature I think we would make great friends. :)

- Carrot Top

Leo smiled, read it again, and looked around for the person who sent it but no one acknowledged him, seemingly lost in stories of their own. So he sat there, a smile still on his face as he got back to his book, using the note as a bookmark.

~~~

Finn couldn’t help himself when, a few days later, he left another note after seeing the guy with good taste in books again at the bookstore. He was at what must have been his usual table, seemingly right where Finn had left him. The only difference besides the clothes he was wearing was the book he was reading. Finn let himself linger on his profile, just for a second – the gentle slope of his nose, the way his curls rested against his forehead, how bright blue eyes scanned the pages below him.

Finn wasn’t one for love at first sight; that was for romance novels only. But instant attraction? Oh yeah. He was definitely there.

He picked up a small flyer from the front desk, flipped it over, and began to write.

And maybe it wasn’t a good way of, as the kids said these days, “shooting his shot”. But it was a start. And it was fun – the thrill of trying not to get caught, the anonymity. Sure, one day he’d maybe get up the courage to talk to him in person, but he was happy with this for now.

Hmm… haven’t read that one. Might have to get myself a copy!

- The Walking Freckle

After dropping the note off while the blond walked off to take a phone call, Finn tried to act casual as he stared sightlessly down at his own book instead of over at the cute stranger like he desperately wanted to.

Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious…

If he was being completely honest, he didn’t really know where to go from here. Did the blond think the notes were creepy? Or weird? He never seemed to mind much, but… well, a stranger was repeatedly leaving notes for him. What if it was making him uncomfortable? Would it make things better or worse if Finn introduced himself?

A snort came out, unbidden. Yeah. Right. That would go well. Finn could practically see it now: he would be clumsy and awkward, probably spilling coffee all over the guy’s book or – even worse – all over him. He’d scare him off for sure.

But at the same time, Finn wanted nothing more than to meet him. To sit down across the table from him and debate the points of the book he was reading, or give book recommendations, or just talk. About literally anything. Finn wasn’t a picky guy. He could sit there and let him speak for hours, absorbing any and all knowledge about him like a sponge. Did the corners of those bright, blue eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiled? Did his cheeks get all flushed when he was passionate about something, just like Finn’s? What was the story behind the soft-looking tuft of gray hair at his temple?

Who was he?

Finn was overflowing with questions, and desperate for the answers.

But he needed to go about this the right way, didn’t he? The last thing he wanted to do was screw this up. So he closed his book, propped his chin in his hand so that he could stare out the window, and started to plan.

~~~

The next note threw Leo for a bit of a loop. He’d saved his table with his coat thrown over one of the chairs and went up to the New Books section, surreptitiously keeping an eye on his table and hoping that he’d catch his note-sender red-handed.

Leo could’ve sworn that he’d looked away for half a second, but – well, he got distracted by a book, so it easily could’ve been five minutes for all he knew. This note was written on one of the café napkins, the ink bleeding through in some spots and a few small tears in the delicate material.

Nice choice! That book absolutely shattered my heart and then pieced it back together. The way she writes love lost just hurts so beautifully, doesn’t it?

I like your sweater by the way.

Fuck I hope that’s not creepy.

I’m not a stalker, I promise. I just think you’re really cute. And you have amazing taste in books. I’d like to learn more, if you’d let me. :)

But first, you have to figure out who I am! Good luck!

- Your Not-So-Secret Admirer in the Tortoiseshell Glasses

He smiled, wide and happy, and looked around for tortoiseshell glasses, red hair, and freckles. Those were the only three clues he had so far. So he quickly scanned the crowded café, looking for anyone who fit the description. The only one even close was a freckled, redheaded guy at the corner table, but no glasses.

That was a shame, too. He was stunning.

The mystery bibliophile must already be gone, then. Or hiding.

Looked like Leo had his work cut out for him. He did always like a challenge.

~~~

It probably wasn’t Finn’s best idea to take his glasses off. He couldn’t see a damn thing and was left squinting down at his book, trying to determine if what he was seeing was an F or a P.

That smile, though… he could’ve seen that dimpled smile from all the way across the street.

He never thought he’d be pining for a stranger like this, but then again – he wasn’t a complete stranger, was he? After all, you could learn a lot about a person by their book preferences. Finn wasn’t normally known for being a good judge of character – he was too optimistic, too unwilling to see the bad in people. But damn, did he hope he was right about this one.

~~~

Finn had probably been too bold with the note he’d just dropped off, but when he’d seen what book that his new maybe-friend was reading, he knew he couldn’t just pass up an opportunity like that.

He didn’t wait to see the reaction this time – he wasn’t sure he wanted to. He just left the short note on top of the book while the blond was at the café counter and booked it (pun definitely intended) out of there as fast as he could.

You have bewitched me, body and soul. <3

- Bambi

~~~

He should’ve waited. Leo’s reaction, all bashful smile and bright red face and pleased expression, would’ve been worth it.

~~~

Leo went back to the bookstore pretty much every day after that, intent on finding this person. Not only was this a fun little game they were playing, but it would be nice to finally have a friend in the city. He still didn’t know anyone besides his coworkers and… well, he was a little lonely. A friend would be nice, especially one who had a shared interest in books.

The only thing left to do was to find them.

Red hair, freckles, glasses, and big doe eyes.

Leo looked for the only four defining traits he had, methodically starting in the front of the store and weaving through isle after isle of bookshelves. When that proved unsuccessful he moved on to the café, gaze landing on the queue first before lurching to a stop at the glimpse of a shock of auburn hair in the far corner booth. Heart hammering in his chest, Leo used his height to his full advantage and peered over the line of people.

Freckles, Glasses, Big, doe eyes.

If he needed any more confirmation, the stranger – the very cute stranger – was reading the same book Leo had been reading a week ago. The one his anonymous friend said they hadn’t read yet.

It had to be him.

Leo didn’t let himself think about it too much – he knew he’d panic if he did. He just strode over and sat down across from him, setting his book down on the table with a quiet thud. The note-writer jumped a little, then lifted wide brown eyes to look up at him.

Oh, but he was gorgeous.

“So what part are you at?” Leo asked, eyes taking in everything they could now that he was close enough – that messy red hair that just barely curled at the ends, the hint of scruff on his jaw, brown eyes shifting from shade to shade in the afternoon light filtering through the window beside him. Soft, mesmerizing lips curved into the beginnings of a smile that Leo couldn’t help but be transfixed by. “Have you gotten to the part where Patroclus dies?”

Finn stared back, trying to look horrified but he knew he was smiling so much that they counteracted each other because, finally, he’d figured it out. “I can’t believe you’d break rule number one of having a reading buddy: don’t spoil the ending.”

Dimples.

“Oops.”

Finn was done for.

“I’m Finn,” he managed to stammer, aiming for his best smile and probably looking like he’d just tasted something awful instead.

“Leo,” his companion said with a warm smile. Then he frowned. “Wait, no. Go back. You can’t spoil the ending of a story that’s literally thousands of years old.” The blond leaned back in his chair, sipping his coffee and watching in amusement as Finn gaped at him in horror. He could feel his cheeks and ears getting red, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.

“That’s so not the point!”

Leo laughed, then motioned for Finn to state his case. And then Finn was off, forgetting all about his nervousness and tendency to be awkward. He ranted about that topic for… well, he didn’t really know how long, but it was a while. Leo didn’t even bat an eye, keeping pace well and interjecting with his own points calmly and collectedly – the gentle breeze to Finn’s tornado. He was smiling, too, even though sometimes he tried to hide it behind the rim of his coffee cup. And he was smart, Finn learned as they jumped from one topic to the next and the minutes ticked by. He knew a lot about literature, like Finn, but he could also make these random connections to all kinds of different topics that Finn would’ve never thought of, all while keeping up with Finn’s fast-paced brain and tendency to jump down rabbit holes.

It was an instant connection, the likes of which Finn had never experienced before. It was intoxicating. Finn felt like he could never get enough.

During a lull in between one conversation and the next, Leo pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it over, looking suddenly and inexplicably shy. Finn cocked his head confusedly, then unfolded the paper and looked down.

Would you like to go on a date sometime?

PS: I’m free tonight if you are. :)

- The Guy Who’s Been Crushing on You for Weeks

Finn’s heart threatened to burst. “Absolutely.” He hesitated, just for a second, then decided to go for it. “Are you free now? I know a pretty great café nearby.” With a wiggle of his eyebrows, he jerked his thumb at the bookstore café and earned a laugh. He wondered what he could do to earn another.

“Sounds perfect.”

They walked over to the counter together, the backs of their hands just barely brushing – it was still enough to make Finn hyperaware of every miniscule movement and get his pulse hammering. Leo was teasing Finn for his terrible eyesight in a soft, southern drawl – something Finn definitely wasn’t expecting but sure as hell wasn’t complaining about, his fingers deliberately playing with Finn’s now, and Finn knew it was going to be a good night. It was already a good night; how could it possibly get any better?

“What can I get for you?”

Leo and Finn looked up at the barista and their eyes widened in tandem as they took in thick chestnut waves, long, dark lashes, and bottle-green eyes. He wasn’t smiling, not necessarily. His expression was fairly neutral, all things considered – except for those eyes. If you stared at then long enough, you could see just the faintest whisper of amusement.

They both looked down slightly, searching for a nametag. There, in bold black letters, read:

Logan.

#lumosinlove #sweater weather #coast to coast #o'knutzy #finn o'hara #leo knut #bookstore/coffee shop au #bewitched body and soul #cw: food #cw: drink

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wo-onu · 1 year

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╰₊✧ ﾟ⚬𓂂➢ [character profile] [part one]

* ・✦⇢ contents :: [part one] [part two]

:: here is part two ! hope you enjoy <3 feedbacks/likes/reblogs & requests are welcome, i’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts. (also this is unedited, if everyone wants the scenario wherein haejoon and his darling talked that i mentioned in the last hc, feel free to req or something! this was already too long so i kinda cut the aftermath of it.)

PLEASE DON’T EVER BECOME A STRANGER WHOSE LAUGH I COULD RECOGNISE EVERYWHERE !

╰₊✧ ﾟ⚬𓂂➢ cont. of [part one] !

・✦⇢ all this time, his darling thought that haejoon likes his darling’s friend instead of darling. this was because back then, haejoon, for some reason, couldn’t look you at all therefore his eyes would always settle to someone else and since your friend will almost always be next to you, he would sometimes face her while taking a peek at your direction. everyone else noticed this, except his darling. your friend thinks he’s pathetic, and haejoon thinks your friend is not even a person, just a blob next to you.

・✦⇢ once heard you say, “dating? at this age? let’s just study,” so he never approached you romantically. at that time, he couldn’t have approached you regardless because your age difference was yet to be appropriate. although the biggest reason why he didn’t pursue you back then was because he was determined to build his own empire with his own hands after hearing you say, “is that so... is it that impressive? i think flaunting something you haven’t even tried earning yourself... is not impressive at all.” while everyone around you gushed about different prestigious background, you were unfazed, just like you always are with most things around you.

・✦⇢ it was a little after summer break of your freshman year and his last year that he heard from you that you got a partner; at that stage, both you and him were close enough for him to approach you, and while he normally wouldn’t be able to even look at you properly, he did. to get straight answers. you’ve shyly told him how that person confessed to you first so you wanted to see how it goes. before hearing this, he was ready to ruin that person’s entire life, but seeing as you are genuinely happy, he decided to wait it out. he thinks the person you’re with is not all that and in his mind, the relationship will be a total failure. so he decided to sit back and watch all of it unfold. though, if that asshole did anything to you, it’s over.

・✦⇢ the thing is, during the relationship, haejoon was so obviously listless and not even making an effort to conceal it, unlike his usual perfect facade. he knew that you had started dating purely out of curiosity, but he just couldn’t help such a deep, welling hatred taking place in his heart towards your partner. really, when he first heard about it, he was ready to threaten them on the spot. that is, until he saw your shy, blushing face. your emotions were just as important as his after all, so if you’re happy, then he wouldn’t do anything.

・✦⇢ in the course of your relationship with your partner, he caught a few stories about how he’s actually treating you like shit, however, he knows you were the type of person to not settle for that, despite your shy and timid nature, you’re also someone who will speak up for yourself because of your honest personality. so he deemed those rumours as just that. but, one day, during a taekwondo training you both had; you were with him when he witnessed an argument that your partner started, and he saw with his own eyes how disrespectful that little bastard was actually being to you.

“you’re talking ba—“

“you shut up. they’re talking,” haejoon wanted to plummet this nobody’s face and wipe the floor with it but seeing as you’re also trying to handle the situation by yourself and doing a good job at it, he decided to just support you as he deems necessary. as status seem to be this useless bastard’s valued trait, he knew that he will listen to him. with a tight grip on your partner shoulder, haejoon couldn’t contain the murderous intent surrounding him. to you, he looked like a proper delinquent.

the partner immediately shut his mouth, just as haejoon expected. with that given chance, you really did give him a piece of mind. and you did it with such grace and calmness that haejoon admired. that much levelheadedness was something he found so attractive, though he can say everything about you was attractive. he thinks it’s a waste you’re still going out with such a sorry excuse of a human.

after the waste of space left, he turned to you while tugging at your sleeves a little, “why are you letting someone so... anyways, why are you letting that person get away with that? shouldn’t you break up with someone like that?”

“not yet.”

“not yet?”

“yes, not yet. so sunbae, don’t do anything to hurt him until then, hm?” you said resolutely. normally, at this rate, haejoon would have definitely jabbed at the person. but not when you asked like that, he can never do anything against you when you ask him of anything.

“i haven’t done anything,” until today, that is.

but... what do you mean by not yet?

he could feel your rage and just how sick you were of your partner during the entire argument. remembering all these made his own rage erupt. you were not the type to be patient with things you deem as troublesome, yet you seem to be trying real hard to quell your anger just now.

haejoon had always been more sensitive about your own emotions. after all, you were the type to wear such a blank face and always had the same level of voice. the only reason why he didn’t immediately snap and had taken that nobody’s life was because he wanted to respect your feelings and tried to also calm his emotions.

・✦⇢ a couple weeks after that incident, you were walking to the training grounds and he followed, unbeknownst to you as you were in your own world and he kept his distance, waiting for the right chance to greet you. but as you got nearer to the grounds entrance, you heard your partner’s boastful voice

“i’m telling you! [name] is not that much! it’s so funny how they let me get away with a lot of stuff! i don’t think her skills is good enough either, she should just quit training. she’s lucky i am going out with someone as pitiful as her. i won the bet fair and square, right? they’re basically a dog that listens well to everything i say. but she still won’t quit taekwondo, tsk tsk. it’s so unbecoming of someone like that to practice this sport—“ sound were cut off as you felt your vision and ears get blocked by what you’re assuming is the source of warmth and hardness behind you.

you thought it was one of the friends you made at the club’s, however, you don’t believe they are quite this tall, “don’t look at something like that. don’t listen to a bunch of shit pouring out of someone who’s not even worthy of your shadow.”

as i thought, that son of a bitch really does not deserve to even breathe the same air as you, as haejoon thought this, he continued, “i like how seriously you take tasks that are assigned to you and how you always have a little frown every time you concentrate. i like your high ponytail whenever we practice because then, i could properly see all of your face without your hair in the way. i like your concentrating, sweaty, flushed form during one of our intense practices too. i like how well you eat all the time and is always craving for sweets no matter what. your eyes are so beautiful and mysterious they look like they hold the secrets of the world that i can’t even look at them properly.”

instead of your partner’s annoying high pitched voice, all you hear is a low, serious voice singing praises on your ears.

honestly, you thought it was your sunbae but after hearing all that, maybe you were wrong. was it really your friends pretending to be him since you’ve grown closer? reaching to your eyes to see what’s blocking it, you felt a boy’s uniform necktie. then you could see haejoon still blocking your ears.

“... you are sunbae, right?”

“no.”

“right... that’s what i thought.” why say all that if you’re going to be embarrassed, you thought in silence. haejoon couldn’t even look at you at all. so you decided to feign ignorance and pretend you don’t know who it was.

haejoon’s murderous rage can be felt tenfold, you could tell he was trying hard to suppress it and you could tell that he was trying even harder to not let it be directed towards you. his aura has always been intense, but once his rage pours out, that energy becomes suffocating.

“should i make him your lapdog?” if you’re completely honest, that sounds amazing. you can imagine that pathetic loser running around campus on all fours like a dog, barking away while naked. but you didn’t wanna traumatise other students who will see such a sight. so you decided to just settle it on your own way.

“no. sunbae, i just have a request.” they said softly, haejoon responded with actions rather than words, he bent down and put his ears near their mouth to hear what they have to say.

“okay, tell me anything”

“be the official witness for this duel, okay?”

it was the trend these days to ask for official duels. whether to shut people who have lower skills, more practice, or just for the thrill.

haejoon quietly told you that if you beat that piece of shit so much you accidentally killed, he’d just have it revived so you could beat it up as much as you wanted. haejoon was so enraged he doesn’t even refer to your soon to be ex-partner as a person, but a thing.

you awkwardly thanked haejoon with his cheering and approached your ex with company.

your soon to be ex partner was so engrossed with storytelling that he didn’t even hear or notice you approach.

“....... they were crying and begging so much, saying that they’re wrong and it’s all their fault so i pitied them and didn’t break it off. but i’m getting sick of them. i’d use them for a bit more then break up with them”

“ya.”

“hmm?”

“[partner’s name], i officially challenge you to a duel.”

your partner turned around, shock evidently written on his face. trying to refuse, he looked for reason, however, haejoon immediately intercepted with a slight taunt, “what? why are you hesitating? didn’t you say their skills wasn’t up to par and they should just quit? prove it then. show everyone just how good you are.”

that’s right, you thought. get absolutely owned by someone you looked down on.

the end of your high ponytail slightly fluttered against the wind as you wait for your partner to take position, eyes shining with deep yet calm emotions. you, who don’t necessarily always show an emotion on your face, smirked at your opponent.

your opponent, on the other hand, was flabbergasted. not only did you hear him twist things around and make up stories about you. but you also even requested an official duel, something he can’t back out from. he was embarrassed to be caught spreading bad rumours about you.

to be honest, your opponent has heard again and again about how talented you are but could never admit it due to jealousy. so now that your opponent’s basically been cornered and forced to face you head on, he was scared— mostly because he might lose and his pride would take a deep dive into nothingness. and that his friends will bear witness to that shame.

however, your opponent’s worries would be proven to be true otherwise. as the duel progress, your opponent couldn’t think straight as he was continuously kicked without being given any opportunities to attack. it was all completely one-sided. he was utterly humiliated and ashamed but couldn’t retaliate because the places where he was hit, hurt so damn much. and when his gaze landed to his friends, they all looked disappointed, turning his shame intro anger.

but that too, didn’t help, instead of his fury being a good boost to his attack, he became even more sluggish and predictable, therefore nullifying his attacks despite their heavier feel was an easy feat for you to do. your opponent just stared foolishly as you blocked all of his attacks effortlessly and didn’t miss even a single moment as you strike back. he was definitely sure of his defeat, however, what scared him now is what is even scarier to him.

as if mocking him, you taunted him without losing a breath as you continuously attacked, “why do you look so scared? you’re not scared, right? you’re not scared that such a gloomy, mean-looking, short and unskilled person is duelling you, are you?”

at your taunt, he became even more enraged and yelled, charging at you carelessly. but once again, his attack was only so easily blocked by you. you only stared at your opponent as if he was a piece of shit on your shoe.

haejoon could only grin slightly. he thought he was in deep, deep trouble— the more he saw you every time, the more he falls. in truth, if you were only kind of pretty, he would’ve already whisked you away and just married you already. however, he couldn’t just approach you that easily when the hurdle is too high. it was so hard and intimidating to even approach someone who is just so loveable and cool. he could only wrap his uniform around his face to try and calm his overflowing emotions.

people who always cling to you soon arrived and asked haejoon what the commotion was about, however he only responded with a “as you can see.”

as your friends try to grasp the situation, they all cheered for you as loudly as they all can. particularly, the other guys who noticed the situation, had their eyes gone cold. precisely, their eyes towards your opponent.

a particularly clingy guy friend you had then said, “i can guess what happened here but...” he scoffed, “i guess this bastard really isn’t worried for his future.”

“you’re right~ after treating my noona to a meal later, i’d crush that bastard’s ugly mug.”

haejoon watched all this without missing a thing and witnessed as your opponent’s pride was slowly crumbling as the duel progressed. it got even worse as people who always cling to you got there and saw the duel, without knowing the reason, began cheering for you. it was wholly unnoticed by you, only perking up once when a guy your grade shouted he will treat you steak once you finish it quickly.

the duel ended with your opponent’s completed defeat. with that, he ungraciously fell on his bottom, looking up at you in rage and shame.

you sighed, as if bored with it all, “you really felt all that inferior against me, didn’t you?” the training ground was dead silent as you spoke, so even with such a quiet voice, it managed to rang in everyone’s ears. the resolute way you speak was admirable and being admired by everyone present.

“if you were too incompetent to pass and had to get into this school and even get a place to a club for advanced level, you should’ve reflected in yourself and worked harder in order to improve your shoddy skills. what are you doing? if you’re so embarrassed, just quit altogether. however, you were even too embarrassed by your own skills that you tried to leech off of me. but even that failed, huh? grow up, will you? at this rate, everyone will smell the baby formula around you.” you said all this objectively, yet everyone could hear the subtle taunt to your voice. your opponent can only stare at you, wide-eyed and gaping, unable to deny your claims.

“if you were so desperate that you even had to leech off of someone like me who is apparently below your level, then you should’ve been prepared to put your head on the ground, ready to lick my feet to beg. maybe i would’ve tossed you a morsel or something then.”

“well, i guess i should thank you for being so generous and going out with someone so unworthy like me,” with a flushed face because of your recent work out, head tilted as your hair fell gently away from your shoulders, you gently smiled with your eyes, dimples showing. your opponent unknowingly took a deep breath, “and well, seeing you again will probably make me sick so... it’s over.”

with that, your gentle smile was wiped from your face and your expressions once again, stiffened. your opponent, however, could not take his eyes off your confident gaze and sturdy form.

you did not care, you remember hearing someone yelling at you they’d treat you to the cafeteria’s steak once you finish the duel. you can’t have the steak getting cold. your eyes quickly scanned the area and found your friends huddled together with what seems to be a dangerous aura between them. you hesitated for a second before coming to collect your promised steak instead.

“hi our lovely [nickname]! my coolest noona~~ here you take my card first, i just need to deal with something real quick. you buy anything you want with it, okay? i’ll see you later!” your same grade friend who’s a year older than you but calls you noona, jeongin, gave you his credit card to buy whatever you want. turns out, he was the one yelling that.

“you guys surprised me... why are you all huddled together like you’re scheming something?” lightly bouncing on your feet, you wanted to go quickly but the aura around your friends and some teammates as well as your sunbae is quite intriguing. narrowing your eyes to observe them, they all looked quite angry.

another guy friend of yours in the same grade was eungyeom who looked like a delinquent to begin with. now that he’s showing his anger on his face, he looked an actual second away from murder.

haejoon cut in, he brushed the hair that framed your face, “[nickname]-yah, you go first. you should eat well and take a long nice warm bath so you could have a peaceful sleep later.”

curious, you scanned all of them again and could feel their cold gazes towards your now ex partner and his group of friends. you wanted to inquire more but you’re worried that the line in the cafeteria would be too long and your steak will be gone, so with quick steps you bid everyone goodbye, saying good luck as you go; not knowing a thing.

once you left the training grounds, the air grew even heavier, filling it with immense pressure.

・✦⇢ the reason why he didn’t seek you out even during his college days, was because he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to succeed on his own and build his own name once he saw you again. ultimately, he was afraid that he was going to drop everything and just run away with you. so instead, he drowned himself in work, in hopes of distracting himself with how much he missed you and how much he longed to be with you again.

・✦⇢ after your little break up in high school, you and haejoon had a talk about relationships and whatnot; he found out the real reason you accepted your ex partner’s confession and the reason why you decided to wait until you break it off. in the end, haejoon felt a little light and relieved.

#yandere oc #male yandere oc #yandere headcanons #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere drabble #yandere oc x reader #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #yandere x you #soft yandere #male yandere #221221 — 20.12 ♡

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shihalyfie · 3 years

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A meta on Mimi and her character

Today’s spotlight character is Mimi! While the Adventure characters are all written to subvert character stereotypes (no, really), I feel this is particularly enhanced for Mimi, whose surface demeanor and the first impression you get from her suggest an almost opposite character to whom she actually is.

Disclaimer before we continue: While not to the same extent as Daisuke, Mimi’s disposition and personality have some significant differences in the American English dub compared to the original Japanese. As usual, this is not meant to be any particular comment about the dub’s changes, but simply that if you’ve only seen that dub, are reading this post, and are thinking “that doesn’t seem right?” that would probably be why.

Mimi’s family background and attitude prior to Adventure

Like with any of the other Adventure characters, understanding Mimi’s personality and why she acts the way she does is most easily done by starting with her family background.

We first meet Mimi’s family in Adventure episode 35.

There is a lot to unpack with only this scene alone, so let’s get started!

Mimi’s family is quite well-to-do. They’re not filthy rich or anything, but they’re well-to-do enough for Mimi’s father to work freelancer (he works in music). This means that Mimi grew up with a fairly “comfortable” life, probably getting pretty much anything she asked for -- in other words, she’s spoiled. It also explains why she’s actually pretty impeccably polite to everyone -- she adheres very firmly to honorifics when speaking to both elders and younger people, and never, ever speaks roughly or aggressively, because her parents have basically been raising her like a “lady of the house” (ojousama) or princess. (She does use casual-form Japanese, but she never lets up on the honorifics.)

They’re very open-minded. We learn in this episode that Mimi’s bizarre food tastes in liking natto on her eggs with sugar (from Adventure episode 6) most likely come from her mother, Satoe, cooking things like kimchi fried rice with whipped cream and strawberries. In other words, the family is very into the idea of “unconventional and strange” and has no qualms about it.

While Mimi in 02 is portrayed as liking practically any kind of fashion aesthetic imaginable, both her room and the overall decor of the apartment suggest that “in-your-face cute” is the generally favored one.

Mimi’s family is also extremely affectionate. They smother each other in lovey-dovey words, her father actively likes Satoe’s weird cooking ideas, and it’s a household where everyone seems to dote on and mutually love and support each other (Mimi’s parents are almost embarrassingly lovey-dovey) without restraint.

The result is that Mimi ends up “spoiled sweet” -- she’s pampered and used to a comfortable life where everyone dotes on her, but because of the family dynamic being so built on “affection” and “open-mindedness”, she also never develops a streak towards condescension or malice.

What does that mean, you might ask?

Mimi in Adventure

A lot of people remember Mimi by the fact that she was “whining a lot” in the early stages of Adventure, and the fact that she’s a “girly-girl” with some of the associated stereotypes. As a result, one may be surprised to hear that her behavior is actually supposed to be mostly representative of an average child in her situation, and she’s often described in press materials as “someone who can befriend anyone” or “someone who can get along with anyone”. Even her official website profile talks about how pretty much everyone considers her likeable.

This may seem difficult to believe at first, but you might actually notice a pattern when it comes to her “complaining” -- it pretty much always boils down to one of the following, or something along these lines:

I’m scared

I’m tired

I don’t like this/I don’t want that

I want a bath/bed/food/(some other home comfort)

I want to go home

In other words, Mimi is basically reacting like an average child would when thrown into another world out of nowhere! All of her complaints are out of low tolerance and high sensitivity -- all of these scary and uncomfortable things around her are making her feel bad, and she’s not hesitating to make that clear with her words.

However -- and this is very important -- these are all things she’s saying specifically because she’s now in a dangerous, unfamiliar situation in another world. All of these things are things she says defensively, because she’s sensitive to being uncomfortable or hurt, but she is also never aggressive towards others. In completely normal situations -- ones where all she’s doing is socializing at school -- it’s not hard to believe that she would actually be one of the nicest and most considerate people on the planet and that she would be instantly likeable to anyone she meets. Why? Because she lacks condescension or malice. She’s a very nice person who, if not for being under heavy stress, would never step on anyone’s toes. Even during those early episodes of Adventure, whenever there’s “down time” and they’re not in an uncomfortable situation or being chased by something, she goes back to being polite and respectful of others (remember: she’s one of the most adherent to honorifics among the cast), and is perfectly kind and agreeable with them.

As much as she may sometimes get demanding during the early episodes of Adventure, she also doesn’t expect her peers to cater to her nor does she look down on them. One of the biggest examples comes from the Adventure novel:

Mi–chan was pointing at the front of the bus, where a boy wearing a long–sleeved orange shirt was about to get off. Even Mimi knew who he was. They hardly ever talked together, but he was her classmate, Koushiro Izumi. Mi–chan wanted them to look at what Koushiro was carrying on his back – a wireless laptop. “Isn’t he so weird for bringing that all the way to camp?” Mi–chan sneered with mocking laughter, but Mimi didn’t laugh. She simply didn’t find any reason to.

In a situation where people are mocking this weirdo kid for bringing his laptop to camp, Mimi “sees no reason” to look down on him. To her, what’s the point? It’s not fun to be malicious towards others, and she sees no benefit in dunking on him. Hence, because she’s actually very polite and open-minded towards others, and doesn’t see any reason to be mean, she’s not mean, and so you can see why everyone would like her -- after all, she’s not only bright and cheerful, she’s also polite and kind! Who wouldn’t like such a nice person?

Mimi’s first “focus episode” is Adventure episode 6, and we already see a lot of these traits in action. Mimi gets to see the other kids making absolute fools of themselves under Monzaemon’s brainwashing, but the most she has to say is just observing that they seem to not be having fun, and being worried about their well-being. Once she finds out the truth behind what he did to them, she gets extremely angry on her friends’ behalf -- she actually calls them her “friends”, despite them barely knowing each other at this point!

And then when the Numemon step in to fight for her, despite her initially having been turned off by them (mainly because they make her uncomfortable, both by indulging in literal poop around her presence and by invading her personal space by flirting with her), she actually almost breaks down in tears over them!

What this all means is that Mimi’s “high sensitivity” also translates to something else: Mimi has extremely high empathy for others. In terms of being “sensitive”, she’s also sensitive to how other people feel. She worries about others’ welfare constantly, even when they’re poop-throwing slime monsters who had just flirted with her, or near-stranger classmates who just happen to have been thrown onto this adventure with her whom she barely knows. That’s why she’s so nice to other people -- she feels for them, and she constantly empathizes with others’ emotions, so that’s why she’s never rude to others nor does she step on their toes.

It’s also why, even after Koushirou rubs her the wrong way and momentarily causes her to lash out at him for being insensitive about her feelings in Adventure episode 10, she also never seems to hold a grudge against him thereafter (especially since, for as much as he was acting pretty frustrating, she understands he was doing it out of good intentions). In fact, Mimi is pretty much incapable of holding a grudge at all. (More on this later!)

Mimi’s most famous incident of “succumbing to her vices” is Adventure episode 25, when she ends up letting the Geckomon and Otamamon pamper her while stringing along and refusing to do the job they’d needed her for in the first place (singing to wake TonosamaGeckomon). Let’s go over what led to Mimi getting in this situation:

Mimi was basically at her limit. She had been in the Digital World for what had been implied to be months. Going that long without her bath or soft bed or comfort, it’s understandable that she finally let stress overcome her and succumbed to her vices in full. This is basically Mimi at one of her worst possible breaking points, not her most of the time.

Taichi, Jou, and their partners never gave her a very good reason why they should leave (Taichi never explained the problems going on in the real world, nor that he’d even taken a pit stop there) and now, for all she knows, they’re trapped in the Digital World forever, so when she sees an offer to make it all stop hurting, she naturally takes it -- especially when the people telling her to leave aren’t giving her any reason why except that she should.

Even despite all that, Mimi has a complete mental breakdown after her tantrum ends up throwing everyone in jail, dreaming about how everyone must hate her now and how even the Geckomon and Otamamon are tiring of her (the fact this pops up in her dream implies that she’d had a feeling this was coming for a while now). Sora comes to give her a little encouragement, but even she says that Mimi already really knows what she should be doing now. Mimi ends up bringing everyone out to apologize to them and fulfill her duty before the night is even over.

So let’s recap: Mimi is so empathetic and worried about other people’s feelings and what they think of her that, even in arguably one of the worst mental health crashes we’ve ever seen her have on screen, she still breaks down at the prospect of disappointing everyone and making them hate her to the point she immediately recognizes how far she’s fallen and takes it back before the night’s even over. That is how much other people, ranging from Taichi to a crowd of Digimon she’s only vaguely acquainted with, matter to her.

The full “payoff” for this episode in terms of the light of the Crest of Purity glowing and achieving Lilimon evolution does not happen until Adventure episode 35.

It is interesting for a lot of reasons, mainly because it involves all of the events happening in response to things that don’t sound very virtuous on their face (early in the episode, Mimi insensitively comments on Palmon being “bad taste”, and later in the episode she starts considering the Digimon tormenting others unforgivable).

The “Crest of Purity” (sometimes “Innocence”) is something that’s often been difficult to translate, mainly because the easiest words that come to mind often have other unwanted implications, but the real point of it is that, again, Mimi is lacking in malice. The way she talks to Palmon at the beginning of the episode indicates she really didn’t think Palmon would take it seriously (she even urges her to “not think too much into it”), only to find out at the end of the episode that she sort of kind of did. (Trust me, she’s very sorry about it.) The other thing is that, when she starts protesting at the Digimon at the end of the episode, she’s doing this specifically because she’s weeping on behalf of all of the tormented civilians (including her family) that are being caught in the crossfire. She’s so constantly empathetic towards other people that seeing other people hurt, regardless of how well she knows them, just eats her inside. So for her, those who cause that kind of suffering are unforgivable, because they’re inflicting that pain on others.

This is also what leads to her breakdown near the three-quarters mark of the series. Like with how she eventually came to empathize with the Numemon who fought on her behalf, Mimi holds no grudge against Scumon and Chuumon despite them having flirted with her earlier, and Chuumon taking a hit for her hurts her the deepest among all of the other kids. Because Mimi is so empathetic towards others, every death starts tearing away further until she finally can’t take it anymore.

Mimi is fundamentally the kind of person who hates fighting, and even from day one she’d never liked it -- her way of “encouraging” fighting was more like hoping that Palmon (or her evolved forms) could survive. If she wanted to win, it was in the sense of wanting everyone to Not Die; she was never belligerent. But now that the actual body count of people she considers friends is rising, she associates fighting so deeply with that body count that the pain gets to her, and the last straw breaks in Adventure episode 45 in the form of two people she considers friends, Taichi and Yamato, getting in a fight. Everyone around her is hurt. Everyone around her is pain. The naturally empathetic Mimi feels all of this, and she thus decides to pull back from the fighting.

Mimi being such a firm pacifist does have its benefits -- not only does it mean that she holds no grudge against Ogremon in Adventure episode 46 and bid for treating his wounds even though Jou (understandably!) is initially more skeptical because of how he’d initially tried to kill them, she also creates a major dent in Ogremon’s “fated rival” philosophy towards Leomon by forcing him to question: so what if you do defeat your rival? Then what? What’s the point of fighting? Does it actually make you feel better to try and prove your strength this way? (Even Leomon, for all he’s portrayed as noble, is still shown to have a petty investment in his conflict with Ogremon in the following episode.) Ogremon tries not to think too hard about it, but Mimi questioning “what he would do if Leomon were gone” becomes a question he really does have to confront when Leomon dies in the next episode...

...which is also an important learning lesson for Mimi herself as well: fighting may cause collateral damage, but not fighting doesn’t help things either, because when less-than-virtuous forces are at work, casualties will happen either way. In fact, it’s even worse to be a sitting duck, because now you’re just doing nothing when people die right in front of you. Which is a lesson that Jou had wanted to tell her earlier, but didn’t know how to describe to her in words because of his own complicated feelings:

What he wanted to tell her was this: that he didn’t see any likelihood of co-existing with the Dark Masters, and that they had no other choice but to fight them. Even a neutral country like Switzerland had a military. They would be invaded by enemy countries without one. It would be nice and ideal if they used the nonviolent resistance approach as Ghandi did. But that didn’t mean it was okay to just be killed without lifting a finger… But not even he could find a good answer.

However, Mimi is still a pacifist. Even if she finally understands that fighting is necessary, that should not mean that she should now force herself to become someone gung-ho and enthusiastic about it. This is why, in Adventure episode 50, Jou contemplates different ways they can productively contribute to the fight -- because Mimi should not be obligated to personally fight herself when it’s not in her fundamental nature, and Jou personally does not feel that he’s very good at it. But Jou, having put some thought into “one’s own path”, realizes that literal physical violence fighting isn’t the only way to be “part of the fight” -- and so while Jou starts to realize that his unique role is becoming someone who can be a capable healer and doctor for those who are wounded, Mimi has her own talents that she can use to bring Digimon and other allies together. Because Mimi is a kind and charismatic person whom everyone finds likeable and would be willing to come along with, and since she holds no grudges against anyone, nobody would hold any grudges against her, so she’s perfect for the role of “bringing people together for the sake of what they want to protect”.

And she does. Adventure being a series that respects the contributions of those who don’t necessarily participate by direct fighting, Mimi’s rallying together of the Digimon becomes key to saving everyone in Adventure episode 52, and the fact that everyone’s together in the end makes for a great group photo.

Speaking of the final episode, in case the point hadn’t been driven home enough that Mimi’s the most empathetic and emotionally sensitive of the entire cast, the series famously ends on her very emotionally compromised farewell with Palmon. Of course, Palmon’s the one who kind of initiated it (she’s the one who initially refuses to see Mimi because she’s too emotionally compromised), but, after all, the series ends on Mimi being so frazzled about it that she loses her hat.

Mimi in 02 and beyond

As with the other Adventure kids, Mimi’s character arc continues in 02, and we learn a lot about her before she even makes her first personal appearance!

Firstly, we learn that Mimi’s moved to America. The in-universe reason is that it’s for her father’s work...or, at least, ostensibly so, because 02 episode 40 implies that the actual reason was that her parents wanted them to be away from Digimon incidents. (Which, of course, didn’t last very long.) The meta reason for Mimi moving, however, very likely has to do with the fact that 02 involves a subplot of Chosen Children appearing all over the world, and Mimi’s character involves an innate talent for bringing people together.

We learn in Two-and-a-Half Year Break that Mimi moved in 2001, only one year before 02′s events, and eventually got caught in the 9/11 incident -- where she met a number of other American Chosen Children in New York and, now much stronger of heart since the events of Adventure, was able to help them in the recovery efforts, despite there being a language barrier. With this, and the fact she’s shown at a huge party in 02 episode 14: they’re not kidding when they say Mimi can become friends with pretty much anyone. Even going to an entirely different country and dealing with a language and cultural barrier, Mimi is such a naturally kind and compassionate person that she immediately doesn’t have any problem fitting in. (Because, really, someone that level of kind and friendly is hard to dislike.) And in a world where international solidarity between Chosen Children is getting more and more important, that is a very valuable role to have.

The other thing we find out early about Mimi in 02 episode 2 is that Sora catches on that Miyako is a lot like Mimi, based on the fact that Miyako also is empathetic and has an aversion to fighting. And Sora’s completely right, because when Mimi does come into the picture, the similarities -- and differences -- between her and Miyako say a lot about both characters.

When Mimi arrives in Japan in 02 episode 6 (for her cousin’s wedding), she and Miyako immediately get along with each other, and Miyako instantly role-models her, to the point of claiming her as an honorary older sister (despite already having older sisters herself!). It’s not surprising; Mimi and Miyako are both very bright and cheerful people, and Miyako even shares the background of being slightly pampered by her family (although presumably more due to her being the youngest of several siblings). Mimi, for her part, continues her trend of being likeable and fond of pretty much everything (including even her beloved tuna-mayo onigiri that she hadn’t had for so long), and is perfectly happy to be tight with Miyako.

The Digitamamon incident in 02 episode 14, however, adds an extra layer into why Miyako idolizes Mimi so much besides Mimi just being cool in general: Mimi is kind, forgiving, mature, and incapable of holding a grudge -- to the point her pacifistic tendencies kick in even when Digitamamon gets hit by a Evil Spiral and she refuses to fight him, despite him literally starting to beat her up. Again, Mimi came to understand the inevitability of having to fight back in Adventure, but Digitamamon is, to her, a friend who was trying his hardest to turn over a new leaf -- so, naturally, she tries to see if she can appeal to his heart instead. Miyako, on the other hand, is on the opposite extreme -- she’s so judgmental about her poor first impression with Digitamamon that, despite fully knowing well that Evil Spirals cause their victims to lose their ability to have reason, keeps trying to use it as evidence that Digitamamon was a traitor from the get-go.

Considering that the “secondary Digimentals” arc is largely about Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori coming to terms with their deficiencies in their respective traits and aspiring to do better, Miyako unfavorably compares herself to Mimi because Mimi is everything she wants to be and currently isn’t. Unlike Mimi, Miyako is aggressive, in-your-face, occasionally judgmental, belligerent, sometimes insensitive (not by choice), and often shallow, which she fully admits to in this episode. Of course, the reason Miyako gets the Digimental of Purity (Mimi’s trait) is because she hates this about herself -- even in 02 episode 31, she gives herself no shortage of grief for her foot-in-mouth syndrome and the fact she’s not as “kind” of a person she wants to be, and she herself is also fundamentally devoid of malice, just quick to jump to conclusions and a bit sidetracked by first impressions. (After all, Mimi was guilty of being accidentally insensitive when she called Palmon lacking in taste back in Adventure; the point is that when both of them do it, they really don’t mean badly, and end up sorry for it later.)

But that’s a story for another post about Miyako; more importantly, the reason Miyako is harsh on herself about this in this episode is that, in many ways, she’s everything Mimi is not, because Mimi is empathetic and mature and polite and never steps on anyone’s toes.

02 episode 25 gives us more to work with; first of all, she’s depicted in yet another completely different hair and fashion style (which she brings up another of during the winter season), and her drastic shifts in style indicate more of her “open-mindedness”; she’s open to trying out tons of new things and is willing to like just about anything. More importantly, however, she turns out to be completely open-minded about recruiting Ken to help out, even though she’s well aware of what he’d done as the Kaiser (and, again, Miyako sees her ability to be forgiving as something to look up to). Because, again, Mimi doesn’t hold a grudge; she doesn’t send anything accusatory or forceful to Ken, but simply believes that he should be given the chance to know what’s going on and help out if he so chooses, which becomes key to Miyako herself also choosing to accept Ken at the end of the episode.

Given that Mimi is portrayed as so open-minded towards trying all sorts of things, it’s probably no surprise that her “career” in Kizuna is so different from what we eventually know she’ll be doing in the epilogue -- instead of her cooking show, we see her running an online shopping business. After all, with her being so open-minded about wanting to do potentially anything, it’s very like her to "dabble” in a few different experimental things before (or perhaps “without”!) settling for something. What we know about this business is also quite on brand for her; her business specializes in “cute” (her preferred aesthetic, which she also shamelessly dresses in), and she’s established as setting up business all over the world to the point she has to constantly travel. Presumably, her natural charisma made it easy for her to set up connections.

Interestingly, her website profile also omits any discussion of any kind of university or other post-secondary education, implying that, unlike the others, she chose to dive directly into her career after high school. Again, it’s quite like her to find something she wanted to do and pursue it the moment it was in front of her -- no matter what it is, as long as it’s interesting.

Mimi’s largest amount of focus in regards to the movie is in To Sora, where she’s seen checking in on Sora after noticing she hasn’t been in the group chat in a while -- again, as someone constantly empathetic to how her friends are doing, it’s natural that she’s the one who catches on and decides she needs to check in. As someone who loves uplifting and supporting her friends first and foremost, she happens to be fully aware of what everyone’s currently up to (compare how Taichi had to be actively updated on Sora and Takeru’s status from Yamato in the movie proper), and also provides nothing but positive supportiveness to Sora’s troubles during their conversation -- as usual, always respectful and polite, and never condescending.

And, of course, she naturally empathizes with Sora having hesitation about fighting -- both because she’s been busy herself, but also because she, of course, understands exactly how it feels for fighting to be emotionally taxing -- and declares that she’ll support Sora with whatever she does, just like how she found her own path back in Adventure by choosing to contribute by bringing people together instead of fighting. She makes do on this promise as well, considering that she keeps up with supporting Sora during her exhibition.

By the time of the 02 epilogue, Mimi has decided to change tracks entirely and go for cooking, which, while being very different, is also very on-brand. This time, the part about “cooking” is something that comes from her family, since, after all, experimental cooking (...of some kind) was something Satoe got the whole family to embrace. The exact nature of her job is literally “culinary researcher”, which is a Japanese catch-all to refer to the sort of “food critic” who experiments with food and writes extensively (or, in this case, runs a TV show) about different ways you can enjoy and put together food, which also goes in mind with her streak of “open-mindedness”. The common point is, really, that everything Mimi does comes out of positivity, supportiveness, and love.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #tachikawa mimi #mimi tachikawa #kizuna spoilers #shihameta

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