#you'll forever be a part of that dream and never wake up if you fail to not realise the dark truth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seospicybin · 1 year

Text

PLUTO.

EPILOGUE

Chapters: Part I / Part II

Synopsis: Knowing that your life will end soon, you choose to have your desired death by making a pact with the devil with a red hair, Hyunjin. (9,5k words)

Author's note: Thank you for reading Pluto series! As always, feel free to vent on my ask/messages :)

Tick, tick, tick.

That was the last you heard, the ticking sounds of the clock. But what you're hearing right now is the beeping sound.

Your eyes are too heavy but you keep on trying to open your eyes and see where you are.

Once you manage to lift your eyes a little, the lights blind you and you quickly shut them again.

You try to shield your eyes with your hand but no matter how much you tried, you feel like barely moving.

You slowly open your eyes again and close them for a second, it takes you a moment to adjust them to the lights and finally be able to look.

White. It's all white.

You're in an empty room and everything is white, you smell something through your nostrils, something sharp and clean.

You turn your head to the side and see where the beeping sound coming from, it's coming from a machine.

Disoriented and confused, the machine starts to beep to the same rhythm as your heartbeat and it's going faster and faster.

It seems to trigger the machine as it starts beeping rapidly, in a second someone comes into the room and rushes to you.

"You're good. You're alright. You're in the hospital," she softly speaks even though you didn't ask her anything but look at her all confused as she checks on your vital signs on the machine.

"Breathe.... in and out..." she orders you and practices it with you.

Somehow you're following her, taking deep breaths in and out until your heart beats back at its steady pace.

"I'll call for your mother, okay?" She says.

As you are alone in the room and lay on your bed, you try to recollect how you ended up in a hospital but nothing comes to your mind.

But you woke up with your heart aching so much that when you touch your cheeks, they are wet with tears.

If you have been sleeping, you would think it's just a dream that you'll eventually forget about at one point in the day

But if it's just a dream then why it feels like you'll not dream again? If it's just a dream then why you're not glad to be awake? If it's just a dream then why do you want to stay asleep forever?

Here's what happened.

One day, your mother came to your apartment and couldn't wake you up, sent you to the hospital where you stayed in a deep state of prolonged unconsciousness, fails to respond normally to painful stimuli, and cannot be awakened for four months.

The doctor can't find the scientific explanation for it, you got scanned this morning and there's nothing wrong with your body. The simple way to put it is that your brain shut down all of a sudden and puts you into a comatose.

You've been in a coma for 16 weeks and 3 days to be exact, missed the whole winter, and woke up to the warm spring sun.

Strangely, it didn't feel that long for you, it feels like you just woke up from a dreamless sleep.

"Do you remember anything before you went to sleep that night?" The doctor asks.

You force your brain to remember anything from that night, but can't seem to recall anything but you remember going to bed to sleep.

"I remember going to sleep that night and nothing else," your honest answer disappointed you as well. It frustrates you how much you want to remember but you just can't.

"Any details you remember?"

You try to remember again but it's like searching for something that you know isn't there, pointless.

"I heard the sound of the ticking clock and after that... nothing."

Your mother squeezes your hand on the bed, she has been like that from the moment you gained consciousness. She never left your side even for a second and clings to you like the role is reversed, she's the toddler and you're the mother.

"Ticking of the clock?" The doctor asks with wrinkles on his forehead.

"Yes."

Disappointment is drawn on his face as he couldn't get the answers that satisfy his curiosity. Well, sorry doctor, you're just as baffled by the whole situation.

He caps his pen back and hands the file to the nurse next to him, "we need another day for observation and if nothing goes wrong, you can go home the next day," the doctor informs.

Your mom sighs in relief and squeezes your hand so tight, "that's good, honey!"

It confuses you so much because she's giving you the brightest smile, oozing with pride when you've done nothing but wake up from your extremely long nap.

"Any questions?" The doctor asks.

You shake your head at him, "No, for now," you answer.

"Remember if you feel something, nausea or headache, let us know," he reminds you.

"Sure thing, doctor!"

"Thank you, doctor!" Your mother says before he leaves the room.

It seems like your mom can finally relax after hearing that. She can't stop smiling, she keeps looking at you and brushing your hair.

"You can go, mom," you tell her, noticing that she hasn't changed her clothes since last night.

"I'll go home after your father arrives," she says while tucking the blanket to the side of your body like she always did when you were a child.

"At least go have something, I haven't seen you eating anything since this morning," you insist.

Your mom softly chuckles. She didn't expect that you know she hasn't eaten anything.

You get why she acted like that, she regretted not being there when you got out of comatose and ultimately, she must be scared that you'll never wake up again.

Imagine trying to wake your daughter from her sleep but she doesn't wake up. That must have been traumatizing for her.

After a moment, she finally caved in, "want anything from the vending machine?"

"Mom, have a proper meal, please?" You complain and the role is still reversed now that you found yourself scolding her.

She slowly lets go of your hand and gets up from the chair, "I'll be back in a few minutes," she says.

"Take as much time as you want," you said.

"I'll be waiting," you added with a smile, reassuring her that this time you'll wake up to her call.

She hesitates for a while but your glare works to send her away, taking her cardigan with her as she leaves the room.

The sound of the door sliding open wakes you up from your nap and your head turns to see who's coming.

It's exciting to see someone else other than your mother despite the possibility that things will be awkward since you haven't been social for four months.

The nurse sheepishly smiles as she drags a cart with her, "I'm here to change the IV," she announces.

Your excitement fades a little and you let the nurse do her thing while you look out at the nice weather outside from your bed.

Another person comes into the room and you look to the side to see a familiar face.

"Minho!" You shout a little too loud that the nurse got startled.

"I'm sorry," you meekly mutter to her.

Minho comes to the side of your bed while carrying a bouquet in hand, "hey," he greets you with a soft smile on his face.

"Please, sit down," you gesture to him to sit on the empty chair next to your bed.

"This is for you," he hands you the bouquet of beautiful pink tulips.

You take it with a smile and gently put it on your lap, "thank you!"

He sits down on the chair and looks at you, "you look much better," he said.

Does that mean he visited you before? But you don't want to presume and wildly guess.

"I feel good, yeah, never been better," you say, already feeling awkward that you can't hold a conversation for more than ten seconds.

You could have so many things to talk about if you didn't skip four months of your life.

"How are you? How's work? Tell me everything," You ask while admiring the flowers on your lap.

"I'm good. I got promoted and that required me to move to another city," he answers.

You turn your head at him, slightly surprised by the news, "and you agree to move to another city?"

He nods, "I'll be leaving at the end of this month."

You got sad because you do remember the heartbreak and the fight and the canceled wedding but you hold nothing against him. You were hoping that you get to rebuild your friendship with him and start over.

It seems like you both need more time and space for that.

"Well, that's a good thing that you got promoted," you said with a smile.

"Thank you," he sincerely thanked you.

"We should meet again before you leave," you say to him and hold the flowers close to your nose to smell the floral scent.

He agrees with a small nod and a smile.

You put the flowers down and hold out your hand at him.

Minho looks at it, then places his hand on yours.

"We'll always be friends, Minho," you earnestly say and let him know that you put everything that had happened in the past.

It seems like Minho has been waiting for you to say that and release him from the guilt of breaking the bonds of your friendship.

It's like he has been holding his breath and can finally let it out in a long sigh, he closes his eyes and holds your hand in his, "thank you."

Your mom returns a few minutes after Minho left with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"I met Minho in the hallway," your mother says and sips her coffee.

"Did he comes by a lot?" You ask out of pure curiosity.

Your mom thinks for a second and beams, "I think that's his third visit," she answers.

So he did visit you before when you were still in your deep slumber.

Your mom takes the flowers from Minho and places them next to flowers sent from other people. They're mostly from relatives but it still surprises you that a lot of people care about your well-being to the point that they send you flowers.

"How do I get so many flowers?" You ask.

"That means you're loved, honey," your mom simply answers.

You wouldn't be that sure but it does feel nice to receive flowers.

There's a bouquet of red roses that catches your attention and you wonder who sent it.

"I don't remember receiving this," your mom says just as confused as you are.

"Can I take a look?"

Your mom hands you the roses and you inspect them to find any card or letter attached to them or anything that tells the identity of the sender.

"Nothing," you say with a disappointed pout.

The choice of flowers is what intrigued you because this is a hospital and you send red roses for lovers. For as long as you can remember, you don't have any flings or boyfriends, your love life is pretty much staying in a coma.

"Could it be that someone sends it to the wrong room?" Your mom asks.

You shrug and bring the flowers close to your nose, the distinctive smell of roses fills your nostrils. You smell it again with your eyes closed and something flashes by in your head.

You close your eyes again and try to retrieve what has just flashed by. A memory so distant you don't know if it's real or you made it up in your head, of a red rose and sunset, white sheet and rainy day, of thunder and warm skin, red locks slipping between your fingers and eyes that gleam in the dark, a sinister smile and then a whisper in your ear.

"Come here!"

It's not easy to act normal when you slipped away from civilization for four months.

But it's nice to come home and be in a space that you're greatly familiar with, sleep in your bed and drink from your favorite mug.

On the first night back in your apartment, you let your mom stay over with you because you learned that there's no way to put her mind at ease than giving her what he wanted.

There's a stack of letters on your kitchen counter and you definitely don't want to go into that yet.

"You got a call for you," your mom informs as she goes through the notes she has written on the sticky notes on the fridge.

"From who?"

"From the newspaper," she answers.

"Huh?"

"You don't remember?"

You do remember applying for a job but didn't know that they responded to it, "I do remember but I didn't know that they—" but your hope deflated knowing that you must have missed the chance.

"I missed the interview, didn't I?" You ask with your shoulders slumped.

Your mom smiles and hands you the sticky note, "I told them about your condition and they wanted you to contact them if you're still up for the interview," she explains.

"Are you serious?" You ask in disbelief.

She eagerly nods and holds you by the shoulder, "it sounds like they wanted to hire you so much that they are willing to wait for you," she convinces you.

It's a lot to process and you're having a hard time believing it, "Oh my God, I have to prepare myself for the interview," you suddenly got panic knowing that you have a lot to prepare.

Your mom squeezes your shoulder, "hey, you're still in recovery. Take it slow, okay? No need to rush it," she reminds you.

You agree with her, your priority, for now, is to fully recover and once you settled, you can finally live the life you desired.

It's only the beginning but you already feel excited about what awaits you in the future. It's like you've been given another chance at life, a clean slate.

The only appropriate response to a gift is gratefulness and you promise to never take things for granted ever again.

Your mom is fast asleep when you get on the bed next to her, she must be tired from spending the last few months sleeping in the hospital.

You find yourself wide awake and you reckon this comes from the fear of never waking up again, you plan on telling your mother about this issue first thing in the morning. It's time for you to stop keeping things from your mom anymore, you promised yourself that.

But for now, you try to make yourself tired by finding something to read but what you found in your drawer is a necklace, a gold chain with a locket.

You open the locket to find a little clock with the glass cracked like someone has stepped on it and you figure that this is why you kept hearing the ticking sound, it must be coming from this locket.

You can't confirm that since the clock is dead, probably running out of battery but you keep it close to your chest, closing your eyes, and see if you can remember anything about it.

But instead of the ticking sound, you hear another whisper in your ear.

"Shh... just sleep!"

And just like that, you fall asleep.

It takes you a month to finally adjust yourself to a normal life and it consists of participating in what life offers you.

It took your mom a week to finally let you alone and sleep by yourself without calling every hour.

You go to therapy every Thursday afternoon to talk about your trauma of sleeping and you still can't sleep at night but you try not to pressure yourself, you know the process takes time.

When you believed you are prepared enough, you went to the job interview with confidence and left with a proud smile on your face, not worrying much about whether they will hire you or not.

As long as you've done your best, then there's no room left for regrets.

The next day, you got a call that you got hired and you can start working the next week. You can't be more grateful for it.

This Friday, you got invited for drinks with Kim. It's not a wise choice to start drinking again but it's not about if you can resist alcohol but how persistent Kim would be to make you drink.

You put on a dress and put on a little make-up, don't want to overdo it but at the same time, you want to look impressive, it's your first time going out after being out of comatose.

While waiting for the elevator to arrive you contemplate whether to tie your hair or let it down.

When the elevator finally arrives, the doors slide open and you step inside. Someone is getting in after you and you guess he must be your neighbor so when you eventually look at each other, you politely smile at him.

Kim waves her hand up in the air to let you know where she is.

The two of you hugged and exchanged a kiss on the cheek, she hasn't gotten a chance to see you after you got discharged from the hospital so it feels like a reunion.

"You look so pretty, babe!" Kim compliments you while calling for the bartender.

"And you're prettier than I remember," you playfully compliment her back.

She cackles and helps you sit on the stool next to her, "how are you doing?"

"I'm doing good, yeah..." you hesitate a little but can't help to share the good news either, "I got the call from the newspaper earlier," you say with a sheepish smile.

Kim raises her eyebrow, intrigued. She leans in close to you with wide eyes, "and...?"

"I got the job," you announce.

"Oh, my God!" Kim pulls you into a hug and squeezes your arms in excitement.

"I'm so happy for you. I really do!" She earnestly says with a wide grin on her face.

It warms your heart that she is just as happy as you about the news, "and what about you? How are you doing? Any exciting news?" You ask with a giggle and turn the attention back at her.

She fixes her hair and folds her hands on the counter, turning her head at you, ready to spill whatever information she stored in that little head of hers.

"Let's catch up on my love life, yeah?" She fixes her sitting and leans in closer.

"About two months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend," she begins.

"Oh no," you coo.

"I know right? We fought because I told him I'm getting to be just his girlfriend. I thought we're ready for what's next and it's my right to know if we're having the same thing in mind, you know," She sighs and subtly rolls her eyes, annoyed.

"So we argued and he moved out, and didn't come back for days. I gave him time and had a breakdown a few times because I missed him so much."

You intently listen to her story, emotionally invested in it since it's involved someone you cared about.

"Then a few days ago, he came to the apartment and I thought he was there just to pick up his things," she cracks a smile and you guess the story takes a positive turn.

"We had a long talk, heart to heart, I sobbed because I'm not good at talking about how I feel and..." she pauses to sigh again.

"And...?" Your eyebrows raised in curiosity.

She smiles again and put her hand on her temple, "he proposed to me."

It's obvious that you didn't expect to hear this and it's taking you a few seconds to respond to the big news, "what?" You ask in disbelief, a bit too loud that the people around you can hear it.

She shows the ring on her finger, the little diamond catching the light and reflecting it at you. Kim giggles as she holds out her hand at you.

"Aww, Kim!" You coo again, holding her hand while admiring the ring on her finger.

"I'm so happy for you," you say with a big smile on your face.

She smiles back at you, putting her hand on top of yours forming a stack of hands on the counter.

You know you truly care for someone when their happiness becomes your happiness and you couldn't be happier for her.

"And I'm happy that you're back, I do," she says, her voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

"Because I don't know who I'm going to ask to be my bridesmaid but you," she adds.

That reminds you of how much she cherished you and what a good friend she is, you got touched that you hug her for quite a while.

"Let me see that ring again!" You say as you pulled away from the hug.

She enthusiastically shows it again for you, "the diamond is a bit disappointing, eh?"

You chuckle at her and decide to skip answering that.

"Don't worry, he's got something big somewhere else," she adds.

You both burst out laughing, couldn't care less if anyone got bothered by how loud you are.

Oh, how you missed this!

"The birthday girl is going to be a bride, I see?" Someone says.

You turn your head to see the bartender, a sweet smile and freckles, the one face that you can't forget. The one that you let got away from you.

"You remember him, right?" Kim asks you.

You already locked gaze with him even before you can recall his name, "it's the cute bartender," you say, just to tease him.

When you think his smile couldn't get any brighter, he proves you wrong. His smile grows wider and brighter, it's so cute that you almost melt.

He's the first one to look away, flustered. He turns to Kim and asks, "one negroni and one raspberry martini?"

Kim glances at you to confirm he got your order right and you nod.

"Coming right up!" He says and starts making the mix of drinks.

Kim turns at you and leans into your side, "you can choose to not answer it but you said you don't remember much about the last few days before you know..." her words trailed off, probably afraid that the question might be uncomfortable to you.

"That's okay, Kim," you convince her that it's more than okay to ask you about it. It's an unpleasant experience but it doesn't bother you that much.

"How much do you remember?" She asks, genuinely wanting to know.

You prop a hand under your chin and think hard for a while, "I don't know how to explain it but my memories are incomplete..."

You think of an analogy to create a simple explanation, "like I know the whole puzzle looks like but at the same time, I know there's still a few missing pieces," you finish.

Kim pursed her lips and tries to process your explanation, after a while, she lets out an inaudible sigh.

"As long as you remember we had fun on my birthday then we're good," she says with a wink.

"Of course, I remember that. But mostly the part where I had to drag you home," you joked while resting your head on her shoulder.

"In my defense, I was the birthday girl, I deserved that!" She defended herself and puts her head against yours.

The drinks come at the right time, "negroni for the bride girl," he says while putting Kim's drink in front of her.

"Raspberry martini for the 'I hope she's single' girl?" He says with a grin.

You nod and mutter, "thanks!"

Felix stays there and watches you taking a sip of the cocktail he made, hands on the counter, and veiny arms on display.

You suddenly got thirsty and a glass of drink happens to be right there in front of you.

"How is it?" He asks you once you've taken a sip of your drink.

You tug the little straw between your teeth and seductively smile, "cute," you reply.

He shyly smiles because he knows you're not answering his question and definitely not talking about the drink.

He leans forward on the counter and looks at you with one hand behind his neck, "You know there's a different name to this drink?"

The freckles look fainter than you remember but he's cute nonetheless.

"No," you honestly answer.

"It's called the love potion," he says with a sly smile and a whole lot of attractiveness.

"Love potion, huh?" You look down at your drink, stirring the ruby red drink with your straw and you got a flash of memory.

You remember the same drink but it tasted different, of a white dress and cold night, of you getting off the ledge and an empty bar.

Then there's the whisper in your ear.

"Sell your soul to me."

It feels so real that your head snaps to the side just to see there's no one there. You swear you feel like someone is right there, their head is right next to your ear, and whisper to it.

"Something wrong?" Felix asks.

He must have noticed you acted strange a while ago. You quickly put on a smile and sip your drink, "nothing," you lied.

He scratches the back of his head, making it obvious that he's going to ask you something, "so, are you single now?"

You smile at him, watching how he gets so shy that he can't hold eye contact with you for more than five seconds.

"I've been single for a long time," you answer.

You're aware of how pathetic and hopeless that sounded but who cares?

He pokes his inner cheek with his tongue, "so you lied that day."

One thing that you hate the most is being accused of lying, you may have overreacted and shot him a glare, "lied? When?"

That may shock him a little that his smile fades, "the last time we met you said you have someone waiting at home," he explains.

"I said that?"

He nods, "I reckon that you're dating someone at that time so I..." he stops himself from explaining further.

"Someone at home?" You force your brain to delve deeper into your memory bank and try to retrieve this exact moment when you said that to him.

As far as you remember, you didn't date anyone. The only man you fancied is Minho and that ended miserably then you fell into a coma which cleared the allegations that you dated someone at that time.

"I'll be back," Felix says, getting back to work and taking orders from new customers.

You turn to Kim and ask, "Did I perhaps mention anyone in our conversation?"

Kim puts down her drink and blinks her eyes a few times, "Minho?"

"Other than him?"

"I'm pretty sure there's no one else," she answers.

It got you thinking who is this someone you talked about and who waited for you at home?

"We rarely talk about boys but you did ask me a lot of things about my life on the day you went into a coma," she says, "it's like you knew you were going to—"

Kim clears her throat and sips her drink again.

One thing that you learned after you woke up from your come is that you aren't the only one traumatized by this, your parents and Kim are the proof of it.

You're lucky to find people that cherished you and you promise to cherish them back. You link your arm with Kim's and sip your drink.

"I'll pay for our drinks tonight," you say.

"Cool because I'm thinking of getting drunk tonight," Kim goes into a fit of laughter.

"No, please, don't!" You tease back but also laugh along with her.

Who knew that two lonely people make a great pair?

In spring, flowers aren't the only thing that bloom.

In what feels like a second life given to you, your hopes and dreams bloom with the season.

Every day you wake up to a beautiful sunny day with the warm breeze blowing through the window, carrying the heavenly smell of flowers and earth.

And on each day, you make sure to take a moment to be grateful for this given life and everything else that it gifted you with.

A loving parent, a kind friend, and a good friend who lives far away from you but close to your heart, then there's a job that you love.

Ultimately, thankful that you wake up from your sleep and get to live another day.

But somehow, you still feel like there's still a hole in your chest and no matter how much air you take, you stay breathless. You feel full but not whole.

Something is missing and you don't know what it is.

Or is it just the usual human greed of keep wanting more of everything?

You decide to take a day out by yourself and enjoy the lovely spring day, had lunch then bought an ice cream on your way to the park.

You take a stroll under the row of cherry blossom trees with their petals swirling around in the air, creating a romantic and melancholic scene.

That explains the number of couples you've seen, walking hand in hand and taking each other's pictures. You're not going to lie that you get a little jealous.

For a second, you thought that what's missing from your life, a boyfriend.

A moment later, you scoff at the thought and continue walking with your head looking up at the tree branches, soaking in the warmth of the sun shining through the leaves.

"It's such a beautiful day," you sigh in delight.

It's like you've just cast the spell on the sky that it suddenly turns grey and the dark clouds looming above you. You doubt that it's going to rain or that's what the weather forecast said. After a few steps though, the raindrops start hitting the ground and everyone scatters around to get away from the rain.

"Of course!" You huff, annoyed.

You stop by the front of a cafe just a few blocks from your apartment building, with the hem of your dress and shoes wet from stepping into puddles of water.

It's better if you stay and wait for the rain to stop before taking a walk home.

You watch the rain while standing there and catch the smell of flowers, turning on your heels, you see the flower shop next to the cafe.

The buckets of flowers are on display, blooming so beautifully with their vibrant colors pleasing your eyes. Your eyes pause to look at the bucket of red roses.

The red reminds you of the color of your drink, the love potion and the pomegranates your mom puts in your fridge, of your favorite scarf and shade of lipstick.

The red reminds you of... someone's hair slipping between your fingers and of lips kissing your skin.

The red reminds you of...

"I like your red hair."

"And I like you."

Where's that coming from? You ask yourself. No one is there whispering things to you and you don't remember having this conversation with someone.

It's getting confusing because you can't tell which is real or not anymore. You got so frustrated when you look at the roses again.

They're beautiful but the red holds so much mystery.

The rain only got heavier so you decided to run to the nearest convenience store to buy an umbrella and start walking home.

You wait for the elevator to arrive and take you upstairs, you grip your umbrella in one hand and your wet cardigan in the other.

When the elevator slides open, there's already someone in it. You look up to see that it's your neighbor, weirdly enough, the one you always share an elevator with.

He's always in his black outfits and standing in the far corner of the elevator, hands in his jacket pockets, and his long hair curtained his face.

You push the button for your floor and lean against the cold steel wall of the elevator.

You catch him looking at the puddle of water on the floor from the drops of water dripping from the end of your umbrella.

"The forecast said it's going to be a beautiful sunny day," you say to him, trying to shift his attention elsewhere.

He looks up at you with no expression on his small face.

"No one was ready for the rain," you add with an awkward laugh.

Since he's not responding to your small talk, you turn away from him and face the elevator door. You uneasily look at his reflection on the shiny surface of the elevator door.

"And they say life is beautiful," he softly says.

Something just slides into place and you froze there, memories flooding into your head all at once like someone plays a movie at double speed and you have a hard time catching up to it.

When the elevator dings open, you see the doors slide open and you slowly step out of it.

He follows you from behind, getting out of the elevator, except that he's going the other way.

You take a left turn while he takes the right turn and both of you start walking further away from each other.

You swallow air and stop in your track, turning around to see him walking away from you.

"Did you make anyone cry today?" You ask him and your voice echoes in the hallway.

He abruptly stops walking and stands there for a second. You hold your breath the whole time he's standing there and when he finally turns around, you feel faint.

Despite the distance, you can feel his eyes on you and you recognize that soul-gazing eyes, how it stares right into your soul.

"No," he then looks at the pocket watch he keeps in the inner pocket of his jacket and says, "but it's only 5.30."

You smile at him with tears rolling down your cheeks and watch him walking towards you, no one but you.

The moment your lips touched, you know you have found your missing piece. It never feels this good to finally breathe and not worry about the hole in your chest.

He kisses you as if he was breathing and you wish you can hold your breath longer to kiss him more.

He presses his forehead against yours and lets out a low sigh of relief.

"I set you free from pain and removed all of your memories of me," he says with his hands holding your face close to him.

"How do you remember me?" His warm breath brushed your cheek as he speaks.

"Because my heart still remembers you," you answer.

He pecks your lips again for a long time then let go with a gasp, softly laughing with his eyes closed, "good girl!"

He takes your hand and intertwined it with his, slipping his fingers between yours, making your life officially complete.

This warm skin, these fingers, and hands, his silky hair and plush, red lips, his breathless voice and whisper in your ear.

All of these things make a missing piece in your life and that piece is back in its place, right next to you.

The devil in the flesh, the prince of hell, the one who saved your life.

"Hyunjin..."

He was busy kissing your neck when you softly call his name and he drags his plump lips to your jaw, planting a kiss on your lips to finally answer your call.

"Yes, beautiful?"

You hold his face in your hands and take a look at him, touching his beautiful features of gorgeous eyes and a beautiful nose, rosy cheeks, and plump lips, touching them to confirm that he's real.

"I miss you," you say and your heart hurts from letting those words out.

He softly gazes into your eyes and caresses your cheek with his knuckle, "I miss you too."

His whole weight on top of you should be enough to convince you that he's real and the two of you are making out on your bed.

"I thought you were taking me to hell," your hands are holding the back of his head, tangled in his hair.

He plants a kiss on your shoulder and begins making a long trail of kisses from there to your lips. He gasps when he pulls away.

"Well, this is your hell," he says.

You tip your head to the side, "huh?"

"Your hell is living a cursed life with me," he answers then places a sloppy kiss on your lips.

He looks at you and probably wonders why you got quiet, "or you don't want it?"

You close your eyes and try so hard to verbalize your thought but words can't do justice to what you're trying to tell him.

You put your hands around his neck and hold him close, feeling his warm body resting against yours, his heart lies close to yours, beating at once.

"I really thought I'd never see you again," you cry again from how glad you are to be able to meet him again, cursed or not, you feel alive when you're with him.

Hyunjin buries his head deep in your neck and breath you in, "for a second I thought you're going to be mad at me," he says.

You start sobbing uncontrollably, you didn't know you'd been holding so many emotions but maybe it's all coming from the feelings of your life finally becoming whole.

"You're that happy to see me again?" He asks while chuckling and wiping your tears at once.

You nod.

"You're that happy to live a cursed life?"

You nod again and pull him close, "as long as I'm with you," you croaked.

The thunderous rain is no match to the sounds you make as Hyunjin makes love to you.

It's like your bodies are just as ecstatic to meet again they become one, filling each other's needs and satisfying each other's cravings.

He thrusts into you, slow and deep all the while his eyes looking into yours. Somehow it feels like he's making love not only to your body but also to your soul.

When it feels overwhelming, you pull his face by his chin and kiss him.

He knows your body too well, he knows what gets you going, what pleases you the most, how to make you writhe and make you a moaning mess under him.

When he makes you cum, he convinces you once again that he still holds the highest rate of making you cum, 13/10.

Sex with him will never be a disappointment but the sex you just had feels different, it was exceptionally nice, and it makes you feel vulnerable and powerful, held and set free, to love and be loved, all at once.

With all these emotions flooding inside you, you might as well let them burst out of you.

"I love you so much," you blurt out but you don't regret it at all.

It's bound to be out anyway and this cursed life taught you nothing but to bet every part of you for someone you love.

Hyunjin tenderly kisses you before answering, "I love you too."

And if Hyunjin says this is your hell then you want to stay there, burning in your passionate love for him, forever.

People have their own concept of heaven.

Yours though would be the one that draws a big difference from other people's.

Your heaven has a devil who welcomes you with a soft yet fiery kiss that wakes you up from your sleep.

You giggle when he nibbles on your ear, "morning," you sleepily greet him.

He kisses your temple, "I think it's way past morning."

You force your eyes open and see the sun shining so brightly outside your window.

"You sleep so tight," he says, hovering above you with his face merely inches away from yours.

You loop your hands around his neck, "am I?"

"Did you have a nice dream?" He asks while removing the strands of hair from covering your face.

A dream can't be better than your heaven so you shake your head, "I haven't slept that well in a long time," you say.

"Afraid that you'll never wake up again?"

You shake your head again as he unlocked a new fear in you, "afraid that I'll never see you again," you say.

He softly smiles with eyes closed and gently kisses you, with your naked body under cover he doesn't waste any second but allows himself to touch you all over.

Your heaven is having his head between your legs and his slick, hot tongue on your heating core.

Even after you cum against his greedy mouth that doesn't stop him from dragging his sinful lips all over you, planting kisses, and wetting your skin with his saliva, making you squirm from the stimulation.

He only pauses his exploration to caress your cheek with such loving and a long kiss on the lips.

Then he continues by putting his mouth on your ribcage and sucks hard on the skin, it stings but is still bearable.

Next, he places his lips on your breast, sticking his tongue out to tease your nipple, wetting it and sucking on it.

Then when you're high in pleasure, he plants a bite on your breast.

You yelp in pain and grab him by his hair out of reflex, "oh fu—" you stop yourself from cursing.

Hyunjin quickly rubs over the mark with his hand while smirking at you.

It seems like he's going to make another one and look for the perfect spot for it. His hand slides down your side and then stops on your thigh.

You have an inkling that his next target is somewhere in that area, and although you know what he'll do, you spread your legs open as he lowers his mouth on your inner thigh, permitting him to go ahead with his plan.

He kisses the skin before making a mark there with his teeth.

You grip the sheet as he keeps on sucking the skin and gives it a lick after, you can see the bruise slowly blossoming on your skin.

"I just can't say no to you, mmh?" You mumble but don't sound like a complaint to him.

He kisses the mark after and put his body between your legs with his head resting on your chest.

"Your soul is mine, remember?"

You slip your hands in his silky dark locks, "but not my body."

"That's the point," he takes your hand and kisses your wrist, "I have to let everyone know that you're mine."

He places his lips right there on your sternum and stays like that with his eyes closed.

"All mine," he murmurs as if he's talking to your heart.

"Body and soul," you add with a smile on your face.

He opens his eyes and finds yours immediately, he crawls over to plant a kiss on your lips, tenderly but intensely with a hand on your jaw.

"What happened to the red hair?" You ask with a fistful of his dark hair in your hand.

"You don't like the black hair?"

You softly chuckle and brush his hair to the back, "were you trying to be incognito?"

"Well, it worked because you didn't recognize me until yesterday," he answers.

"I started to wonder why we always met in the elevator, you know. I thought you were my neighbor," you explain while laughing, feeling stupid to ever thought that way.

"Well, I have to keep my eyes on my asset," he coyly says with a sly grin.

He collapses on top of you, capturing your lips in a long, breathtaking kiss, a kiss that takes everything further, a kiss that makes you warm inside and outside.

His body is enough to make you salivate but why only look when you can have a taste of it, a bite of it, and eat it too?

It's amazing that you still know how to get around him, where he likes you to touch him and makes him whimper under you.

You ease yourself down his length and breathlessly moan at how good it feels, how he perfectly fills you whole.

Hyunjin is a walking temptation yet he's your only indulgence.

He roams around your body as you straddle him, spreading his warmth with the gentlest touch of his hands.

"You're so beautiful," he mutters to you in his soft, breathless voice.

"Come here!" He orders, pulling you by the neck and bringing your face close to him.

He opens his mouth and takes your lips in his, hungrily and passionately, as if your kiss feeds and quenches his thirst, as if your kiss brought him life.

You smile when you break the kiss and place your hands flat on his chest, continuing to roll your hips in circular motions.

Low grunts escaped his slightly parted mouth with his hands gripping each side of your waist.

"Good, huh?" You lowly ask.

He delightfully sighs and looks you in the eyes, "like the sweetest sin," he answers.

This is your heaven and your heaven is his body against the white sheet and his smile in between kisses, his soft voice that calls your name, and how sweetly he praises you.

Your heaven is having him on the bed and having him every day for the rest of your life.

And your heaven makes you sin first thing in the morning.

A day in your life goes like this.

Even before you can open your eyes, you wake up feeling needy for his touch and he would be there, lying beside you ready to provide you with everything you seek.

You kiss him on the lips and greet him, "morning!"

"Morning, my sweet little sin," he greets back.

Morning sex is always a good idea yet optional. But cuddles are a must.

Just two naked bodies tangled on the bed, indulging in each other's embrace, hands all over with mouths locked in a rapturous kiss.

Breakfast, shower then get dressed for work with Hyunjin trying to sneak a few kisses in between.

You kiss him before leaving the apartment and give him a warning, each day varies from the other.

"Please, don't cause any traffic today!"

"Not with the elevator out of service again!"

"Don't break the copy machine, please?"

Hyunjin sometimes obeys but most of the time, no. The one warning he never obeys is following you around.

He's there when you're stuck on a bus full of people or run with you when you catch your bus, in a meeting, or in the copy room, nowhere is off-limits to him.

He appears and disappears, here and there, anywhere, anytime.

Hyunjin does whatever he pleases.

"This desk has the perfect height," he whispers into your ear.

You roll your eyes knowing that it's him right behind you and his arms caging your body in between.

You were sorting pages of articles on your desk, "remember what I told you?"

"That you miss me at work?" He playfully guesses.

You shake your head and ignore him, putting all of your focus on the task at hand.

Hyunjin brings his mouth close to yours, "Come on, just a quickie," he whispers.

You scoff, "it's never just a quickie with you," you say.

"Like you ever mind," he whispers into your other ear.

You scoff again and put down all of the pages, turning around to face him, "can you stop with the devil's whisper?"

His red hair is flashy against the dull colors of your office interior and background. Truthfully, he's the only thing that makes your day brighter entirely.

"How about a kiss?" he sweet talks with his hands around your waist, pulling you close.

You take a moment to consider it because it's never just a kiss with him, it's never just that, he will want more and you can't say no to him.

He tips his head to the side and smiles at you, "just one kiss?" He sweetly asks.

You put your hands on his arms and feel his biceps contract against the fabric of his dark shirt. He's so irresistible, just one look at his face and you found yourself nodding to him.

The kiss is electrifying already but the thrill that comes from the spontaneity of it and the slight fear of anyone can walk in on you making out with him in your office.

Before you get intoxicated, you quickly pull away from his kiss and sigh, "one kiss and you got it," you say.

With his hands cupping your face, he can easily hold you still and kisses you again.

You whine against his lips but not breaking the kiss.

"At least give me more tongue," he says against your lips.

It's like he has programmed your brain to always submit to his wishes, you open your mouth and stick your tongue a little, letting him twirl it with his.

He deepens the kiss while hoisting your body, sitting you on the edge of the desk.

You immediately let go of the kiss and gently push him away, "that's two kisses already," you remind him.

You reach for his face to clean the lipstick smeared around his lips with your thumb.

"Does it look good on me?" He asks with a lopsided grin.

"Oh, yeah," you playfully answer and remove the lipstick on the corner of his mouth.

"Put it more on me then," he seduces you for more kisses and he's just good at that, tempting you.

You look away before his hypnotizing eyes trapped you in his spell and hold his hands on your lap, "I'll see you later, okay?"

His face drops onto your neck and groans with his mouth on your shoulder.

You hold him close and brush his hair with your finger, "I'll see you at home," you assure him.

He heavily sighs and then kisses your neck before letting you go.

You get off the desk and give him a long hug, "be good."

"Don't have lunch at the cafeteria today," he says as he finally lets you go.

"Huh? Why?"

"It's just veggies and tofu, you wouldn't like it," he says with a cute nose scrunch, which is opposite to his evil doing.

You get suspicious that it's all his doing, "It's you isn't it?"

He pouts and shrugs with one hand lingering on the doorknob.

You glare at him but he only winks in response before leaving the room through the door.

Little did he knows it takes so much in you not to cave into him, you need to take a minute off and fan yourself with paper, calming yourself down.

When it's lunchtime, a co-worker comes knocking on your office.

"Let's have lunch!" She says with a smile.

You swivel your chair to face her, "what is today's menu?"

"It's tonkatsu so we have to hurry," she answers.

You let out a sigh knowing that Hyunjin lied about his warning, "that flaming hot Cheetos," you mutter under your breath.

"What's that?" Your co-worker asks.

"Nothing," you lied.

"I'll be waiting by the elevator," she says.

There's already a long line of people queuing for lunch and you check on some emails while waiting for your turn when someone grabs your elbow.

You turn around to see who it is and gasp in surprise, "Minho?"

A smile rises on his face and you both share a quick hug.

Now you get why Hyunjin tells you to have lunch somewhere else. It's definitely not about the food.

"What are you doing here?" You ask while still surprised to see him there.

"I just came down from a meeting," he replies and holds his briefcase in the other hand.

"Did you—" you pause to move along with the queue then continue, "you got transferred back or what?"

"No, I'm only staying for a week," he answers.

It's ridiculous that you didn't know how much you miss him until you see him again. You link your arm with him and force him to join the queue line, "come on, I treat you to lunch today," you say.

The talk continues during lunch, catching up on each other's life but mostly his life in the new city he's living in.

He buys coffee for both of you after and talks outside by the rooftop of the building where employees come to smoke or just hang out.

"Isn't this the one dream job you had since college?" Minho asks as he sips his coffee.

"Yeah, I wasn't confident they would hire me but..." you shrug and you're just as baffled because you wrote the resume after taking shots of tequila.

You foolishly grin when you remembered that night.

Minho grins along with you, "what? Tell me?"

You laugh because it may sound so silly to him, but you decide to not tell him and then shake your head.

"I'm just so happy we've been so supportive toward each other," you earnestly say with a smile.

Minho puts his arm around you and together you stare out at the view of the city on a beautiful spring day. Back then, you would have overthought every little thing Minho did to you but now, you don't even think about anything at all.

You feel comfortable and safe around him because you know you have a friend who has your back.

You rest your head on his shoulder and sigh, "look how far we've come, Minho."

The sky takes a dark turn in the evening as it begins to rain when you get off the bus.

You have an inkling it's someone's doing, someone with red hair and mischief in his eyes, someone who's standing a few steps from you holding an umbrella.

"Can you stop ruining spring for everyone's sake?" You grumble as you approach him.

"It's not my doing," he denies then opens the umbrella for both of you.

It's never a straight game with him, he makes you guess every move he makes. You huddle close to him as you walk together under the umbrella with his arm on your shoulder.

There's a sudden loud crack of thunder that you grip Hyunjin's arm in response.

"Oh, how romantic!" You sneer.

He pulls you closer to his side, "you're walking with the devil but afraid of a little thunder," he sneers back with a half-smirk.

You roll your eyes at him and hold onto his arm, "you knew Minho was in the building, huh?"

Hyunjin got quiet and by human standards, he knows how to keep it cool.

"Are you jealous that we had a little chat?"

He looks unbothered but drops his hand to meet yours and clasped it with his.

But by the devil's standards, he's bad at hiding his jealousy.

You lift your clasped hands and kiss the back of his hand, "did you make anyone cry today?"

He returns the favor with a kiss on your cheek, "No," he answers.

He looks at you with a sly smile on his face, "But I'll make someone cry tonight," he adds with one of his eyebrows raises, hinting that the object he talked about is you.

Well, that's one way to arouse you, subtle but effective.

"That wouldn't be the first time," you say with a seductive smile and the recollections of how he fucked you so hard that you cried playing in the back of your head.

That only arouses you more, got you thinking of his body and his lips and his kisses and his...

You stop walking and he has no option but to also stop on his track.

Gosh, he's so beautiful and hot, literally and figuratively and the best thing is he's yours.

You grab the front of his shirt and pull him close, kissing him so hard that he has a hard time catching up to it.

"You should have told me earlier and I would have come running," you say as you pull away from the kiss.

He scrunches his nose and thinks for a while, "we should start running then," he says.

It's a crazy idea but it seems like you'll never know how to say no to him and you'll never want to learn how.

You take the umbrella from him and ditch it, pulling him by his hand to start running through the heavy rain.

The locket around your neck bounces along with every step you take and you can hear the ticking sound of the clock, of the needles moving forward, counting down to forever with Hyunjin.

Tick, tick, tick...

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writing-by-mimi · 2 years

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BONUS: Diavolo Part 2

You guys flooded my inbox dying to know what happened after. So here it is y'all. ;)

Adult content, read at your own risk. Not beta read.

• You've had this dream before. It's always cruel. Their mouths never move, yet everything you've ever failed at whispers through the room, their eyes never leave yours and it's Hell...

• It's okay though, it will be over soon. You'll wake up and it will be a different day. The sun will shine and life will continue to move.

• You've never been this lucid in your dreams, and the whispers haven't started yet. Maybe it's a nightmare of a different kind. Maybe any moment Diavolo would transform and scream at you to leave... but the sheets feel too real as you sit up, tail rubbing against the soft fabric, skin feeling every thread. It confuses you, there is no way this is reality, yet so many indicators point to it.

• Maybe you're here to recieve punishment. There is no other reason Diavolo would be in your presence at his own residence. The man wanted nothing to do with you. You no longer flinch or cry at that fact. It did no good and you've already accepted your fate. You've been brought back to be served correctly after all this time. One last glance at happiness before the door shuts on it forever.

• You stand up and hold your head high. You'll have dignity as he throws you out. You don't need him or the Devildom.

The silence between the two of you is almost deafening. While still having to look up to Diavolo, it's not near as back breaking as when you were a small sheep, only mildly taller than his ankle.

"You've woken." There is a softness in his voice, although anything versus the last time he spoke to you would be considered so. His hand reaches out for your face, but you take a step back.

"Just serve me my damn papers. I'll see my self out." Your voice is cold and eyes hard set as you look him in the eyes.

"I...I can't do that Mc." His smile and laugh fill you with warmth, but you tamp down those feelings. They never left, which makes this all the more heart wrenching.

"Then why am I here. You're wasting my time and I have things I need to do."

Diavolo understands your anger. Your rage and your hurt. You'll stand strong and never let him see weakness. Even in the face of danger you always stand tall, doing your absolute best to persevere. Now would be no different. "I should have never yelled at you."

"It's a little late to worry about that. So just make with the papers so I can leave this fucking place behind."

"I know you don't want to leave." He takes a step forward, your just as close as when you woke now. You can smell his cologne and it's like a fog, wrapping you in so many different emotions. Your heart still beats wildly, but the layer of pain just under it reminds you that these feeling don't matter. Your one sided love is just that, and pretending that he cares is just that, pretending.

"Doesn't really matter what I want. So either serve me, or I'm leaving."

"Please don't!" His hands are on your biceps and the warmth makes your heart break a bit more. "It was a mistake." He blurts out.

Shrugging him off, you take another step back. "There was no accident, Lord Diavolo." He hated when you would use his title, maybe he still did, or maybe it was just what he thought a pathetic little peon like you should address him as. You meant it with malice, how he took it would fall to him. "Writing a whole public notice of ejection and writing my name, even signing it, was no mistake. You meant every word of that ejection notice." Biting your tounge, you watch as he flinched and tries once again to touch you. Side stepping him, you can't stand this. Why would he feel the need to touch you, to what end would it serve other than reminding you of things lost? "So either serve it, or I'm leaving."

"I can't do that." His words are a whisper as he looks to the floor studying his shoes. "I should have never let you leave." He shakes his head as he raises it to look at you.

You take a deep breath, you aren't sure the game he is playing, but you will play it no longer. "Goodbye, Prince Diavolo." You make a show of doing a curtsy, Lucifer had made sure it was ingrained into you, so it was perfect, he would have it no other way.

Diavolo can feel his heart split in two. You never bothered with his titles or status. You always saw him, not the Prince or the future king. Just him.

He can't let you leave this time. His heart will surely break and there will be no repair. "Not again." His hand grasps your wrist, the other laying softly on your neck, thumb slowing tracing over your skin and it feels just like you'd imagined so long ago. "I can't let you leave again without trying to stop you...telling you..." There's a desperation in his voice you've never heard, and it's confusing. "I don't want you to leave."

You remove his hands and it feels like your drowning. Why now? Why bother to bring you here and tell you this?

The program.

The thought weighs you down. It isn't for you. It's so his precious program doesn't fail. It's thousand of years in the making and the first student not completing the objective is a failure Diavolo can't afford.

"You want me to stay for the program." You steel yourself and nod. "Wouldn't want to ruin any reputations or destroy any dreams."

Your smile is sarcastic, and Diavolo feels his heart beat increase. It's now or never. "It's not about the exchange." He steps closer, resisting the urge to try and touch you again. You're so warm and finally real. It's all so close, yet thousand of miles away. It's almost maddening, the fact you were here in his realm and wanted nothing more than to leave it, to leave him. "I should have stopped you the night you left. Told you I was just a frightened fool about the feelings in my chest. They haven't left and I can't get rid of them. No matter what I do, it still persist."

He can't mean it. That's all there is to it, but the man in front of you can't lie.

"It doesn't really matter now." The words hurt to say and your heart is in tatters. "You made your choice. The program comes first." He can say all he wants, it doesn't change the fact he threw you out and left you to rot. "Unification of realms matters more in the end anyway." You hate this feeling, but this is how it needs to be, you don't need him or the Devildom. Relying on others just brings pain, you understand that now. "Just find another human." Your voice cracks and you want to kick yourself. There is no way he means what you want him to mean. Even if he did, what would be the point? You were easy to throw away the first time, a second time would be just as easy.

"I tried. I though any old human would work...but I couldn't stand them. Standing where you stood, thinking they had a chance to even accomplish half of what you had... they weren't you." He admits, and it's like a weight is slowly lifting. All the feelings in his chest are a mess, but if this is what it takes to make you see, then he will stand and weather this storm. "The exchange doesn't matter to me if you aren't here. It's not what I've come to realize is the most important." A small laugh leaves him. "It's you. It's been you this whole time. You're the dream I've wanted all along."

"You threw me away like garbage." The words tumble out, hot and angry. "Don't you dare say I'm your dream!" You turn away from him and make for the exit. You can't be here any longer. Everything is so confusing and your heart is beating so fast it feels as if it might explode at any moment.

Something stops you in your tracks. You don't dare open your eyes, because it feels like Diavolo has you in a hug, his cheek resting on the top of your head. It'll break your heart when you open your eyes and that isn't what's happening.

Diavolo lifts his head and stares down at you as he moves away just a bit. Your on the verge of tears, anyone could see that. "I'm sorry." He doesn't dare let go of you, you'll vanish into the night and he can't stand the thought of you being alone again. Returning to that shit hole apartment living next to a man that had put his hands on you like you belonged to him. "I should have stopped you that night. I left you to suffer while I tried to will all of my feelings away. You paid the price for my cowardice."

You shove him away. It doesn't matter now. No matter what Diavolo says or does, it won't erase that year of your life. The bruises and scars that ran over your body may fade, but what happened would always be carried with you. "You have no idea what happened, so just shut the fuck up."

Your standing still as a board, but Diavolo can see it, the way your ears tremble so slightly on top of your head. Your terrified and his chest fills with rage. Mammon had said this man deserved one hundred years of torture under Barbatos of all people. Your reaction only confirms that one hundred years may never be enough. What ever you suffered, he is unsure of all of the details. The pain in his heart that he can't take your suffering away or fix it in this moment... "You're right. I don't..."

That look in his eyes. You fucking despise it. Pity. It's all anyone who knew even part of the truth looked at you with.

"It doesn't change anything. I still love you."

"You can't. Not now."

The moment the words leave your lips, Diavolo embraces you gently and he can feel your body shake with every sob. "I've been running from these feelings for a year. They've grown quite deep inside of me. No matter what you suffered, even that can not take away my love." This feeling is bittersweet. Your here now, in his arms and it feels so right, yet your in tears because of what another has done to you. In that moment he knows the minute he is away from you exactly where he will go. What he will do. It helps calm him a small bit, knowing that soon that scum will no longer walk the earth. His soul will be denied heaven and then Barbatos and himself can give that man what he deserves. Pain.

You pull away from Diavolo and wipe your face quickly. "I need to go."

"Please don't leave the palace." The gentleness of his voice and embrace, it makes you feel safe. A feeling you haven't felt in months. "The Avatars will be here shortly. I still wish to speak with you about so many things...plus I don't believe my heart can take you leaving again." His hands find both sides of your face and softly lift your eyes to his. "Please, promise you'll stay. If not for me, than for the Avatars or whatever else your heart may desire."

You close your eyes tightly, his words too sweet for what you deserved. All you can do is nod. Your a mess mentally and can't even stop your own tears. Staying put for a bit made the most sense. The Avatars could take you home later anyway.

The brothers had come when he called. All he had to say was you needed them. You would be safe in his Palace with them while he tended to Melvin.

Barbatos's skills were unmatched. The suffering in is eyes could have gotten him high if he allowed it, but he didn't have time to waste on him. Leaving Barbatos behind, he made his way back to the castle. There would be plenty of time to deal with Melvin later. An eternity to make him suffer.

When he returns his heart skips a beat. Your not in the guest bedroom where he had left you with the Avatars. You had mentioned having them take you home, but he had pleaded with you to stay.

After what he made you endure when he told you to leave the first time, he wouldn't blame you for leaving again.

He steels himself. You'll be safe now, even if you return to the human world. The Avatars can take turns watching you, and with his direct orders as prince, ensure that no more harm came to you. He would even pay your debts. Corvo had more than enough money and power to pay things off the books. Then you'd be free to live your life. He could at least ease the suffering he had piled upon you.

His phone dings, Leviathan had sent word that they've taken you back to the house.

He had texted the brothers every hour just to see how you were. He had even admitted to Lucifer at around Two in the morning he would text you himself, but he did not want to push after everything. After all, he had kidnapped you by definition...

'Mc plans on leaving at noon. They've only just now fell asleep. Make the right choice this time.'

Diavolo had waited. Every second seemed longer than the last. You needed your rest.

Around Eight in the morning, he knocked on the door of your room. Seeing it crack open slowly gave him relief, body losing tension he hadn't even realized he had.

Your in one of Asmodeus's 'night shirts'. There isn't much to it. The fabric clinging to your body is just a hairs breadth away from being completely sheer. Your hair is a mess, the fluff of your ears in no way managed, and from the way the sides of the shirt travel up revealing your hip, the 'night shirt' is most likely caught on your tail, not covering your ass at all.

Your sleepy face and heavy eyes are both stunning and absolutely precious. His hand slowly reaches for your face, warm in his hands as you give a sleepy hum. Turning your face up to his he holds your head in both of his hands, thumb slowly caressing your cheeks. "Thank you for staying."

"Thank you for coming to get me this time around."

@rawrftzek @undead0relived @ruucellcore @nico707 @nellyhoose @obeymediasimp @rainbow-sannn @its-you-not-me-18-blog

I finally found it! The link is being super wonky, so I just decided to tag you all.

#obey me #obey me!#obey me! diavolo #obey me diavolo #lord diavolo #diavolo x reader #diavolo x mc #diavolo #diavolo fluff

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eievuimemes · 11 months

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CITIZEN SOLDIER LYRIC SENTENCE STARTERS TW: Themes of suicide / suicidal ideation, self-harm, depression, anxiety, etc.

“A heart of gold don’t come cheap.”

“All war and no surrender.”

“All your pain is just a hero forming.”

“Be a voice for the voiceless.”

“Behind your mask of kindness, you wanna see me fail.”

“Being brave is just a trick.”

“Can’t wake up from living in yesterday.”

“Does hope hurt more than giving up?”

“Every day gets wasted on a painful pause.”

“Every mark that makes you feel worthless, can give you a purpose.”

“Every single thought is trying to put me in my grave.”

“Give me a reason.”

“Go ahead and die with what you're afraid to say.”

“Go ahead and judge me.”

“Help me believe that tomorrow's even worth the fight.”

“I buried all the pain.”

“I choose to celebrate what made me me.”

“I couldn't feel this alone.”

“I don't know if I can be the hero.”

“I don't know if I can do it all again.”

“I don't know if I can save the day.”

“I had to find myself.”

“I hate to sound so cynical, but I'm done chasing miracles.”

“I hate to sound so cynical.”

“I have always been this way.”

“I kept holding on until the final page.”

“I know that I can't be the only one.”

“I treat silence like a gift.”

“I used to feel so ashamed.”

“I used to hate everything that I saw in the mirror.”

“I wasn’t fake.”

“I will not grieve.”

“I wish I could turn the white noise off.”

“I won’t make the same mistake.”

“I'd rather spill my guts out than live with being fake.”

“I'll keep writing songs until they know my name.”

“I'll never be ashamed 'cause it's my legacy.”

“I'll never bow down.”

“I'm done chasing miracles.”

“I'm fine and nothing's wrong.”

“I'm gonna live loud until there's no breath left in me.”

“I'm gonna live through hell so I'm left with no regrets.”

“I'm in a place you will never find.”

“I'm on my deathbed and no one knows.”

“I'm so damn proud of what they put me through.”

“I'm so scared of every trigger.”

“I'm terrified that I won't make it through the night.”

“I've heard every damn cliche.”

“I've learned there's beauty in the danger.”

“If I died at least I couldn't feel this alone.”

“If I had to, I would do it all again.”

“In my own head I'm a prisoner.”

“It's in your suffering.”

“It's suicide to live this way.”

“It’d hurt much less to cut my tongue from my throat.”

“It’s gonna get better.”

“I’m a slave to what I remember.”

“I’m so sick of feeling not enough.”

“I’m thinking things that twist my guts.”

“I’m who I’m meant to be.”

“I’ve had enough.”

“Keep breaking down or break your chains.”

“Lately, I’ve been living in a still frame.”

“Legends never had to fake it.”

“Life goes on.”

“My whole world is crumbling.”

“No regrets on my deathbed.”

“Nothing lasts forever.”

“Panic is my personality.”

“Pictures from the past that I cannot change.”

“Since I was young I only bleed.”

“So close to giving up on holding on.”

“Some nights I lie awake, and I just dream that I am someone else.”

“Some nights I lie awake.”

“Sometimes that’s the only way.”

“Stop telling me that it's okay like it's gonna get better.”

“The line has never been this thin.”

“The strong are never strangers to the darkest of their days.”

“The worst part about waking up is remembering why you wish that you did not.”

“There's meaning in the misery.”

“There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”

“There’s beauty in the danger.”

“There’s still more room to feel.”

“They say the devil's just an angel that never learned from all his pain.”

“They're gonna talk you down.”

“They’d think that I’m a freak.”

“What you call taking punches, I call learning how to live.”

“What you can't feel can still be real.”

“Who would you be if you had just stayed strong?”

“Will you be remembered by what darkness did? Or what you did with it?”

“Will you fall apart or into place?”

“Will you turn the light out?”

“You are more than what you're enduring.”

“You can make it to the morning.”

“You can save your story.”

“You didn't choose this.”

“You'll never know what could have been.”

“You're never gonna make it.”

“You’ll be defined by the times you didn’t quit.”

“You’re a stupid kid.”

#rp meme #sentence starters #lyrics rp sentence starters #lyrics rp starters #lyrics sentence starters #roleplay meme

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poetryasreligion · 2 months

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HEARTBREAK

The first time I reached for stories as conscious scripture was after the end of my first relationship, freshman year of college. The rupture was so intense and all-consuming that I left school for six months. During this period I scrambled for every possible spiritual antidote to the ache that would not leave my chest: I tried meditating and attending Catholic mass, saw a questionable psychic twice, started manifesting on full and new moons, spent $50 on a moss agate crystal necklace. (I also developed an eating disorder that left me hospitalized a year later, but that's a whole other chapter.)

The only lasting salvation for me was stories—songs, poems, movies, long form literature, internet miscellany. Scroll down and you'll find a list of the most important ones.

While I read them, I gave myself permission to live in the words completely. To rest in the soft crook of someone else's life experience that could parallel my own at any serendipitous moment. I'd collect these storytellers' sage reflections like a frenzied squirrel gathers and hoards acorns, repeating quotes like “time heals all wounds” (someone forever ago) and “how empty of me to be so full of you” (Jody Yeary) and "sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them" (Richard Siken) until their words turned into my mantras, sacred texts. Something to latch onto while my world eroded.

I once heard that to love is to be changed. Through heartbreak, I want to give us permission to hold onto all of those changes, really feel the weight and texture and temperature of them in our hands. It's painful and it's proof that something real and worthwhile occurred. I give us permission to lean into the ache of another person's absence and fill it with our own words—write a letter we'll never send (at least not now), talk to our friends or the mirror or the sky, document it all for ourselves or maybe someone else who will need a warm jumble of words to wrap themselves up in one day. I give us permission to hold on and accept that some kinds of love we never quite "get over" (and so what if it makes us soft? Isn’t the softness what makes us human? For the record: it’s been 3 years and I still wake up with things to tell you.)

On Sand (pg. 15) by Caroline Cappelletti (poem // time and loss)

The Fist by Derek Walcott (poem // letting go)

The Long and Short of It (hybrid poem/essay // rumination, to be changed)

Excerpt: I’ve been rereading your story. I think it’s about me in a way that might not be flattering, but that’s okay. We dream and dream of being seen as we really are and then finally someone looks at us and sees us truly and we fail to measure up. Anyway: story received, story included. You looked at me long enough to see something mysterioso under all the gruff and bluster. Thanks. Sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them.

The Weight of It All (podcast episode // immediate aftermath of a breakup, moments of great comedic relief too)

Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory by Raphael Bob-Waksburg (short story collection // love in all its forms)

The Unsent Project (website // browse unsent messages and submit your own -- beautiful and cathartic)

Good Riddance by Gracie Abrams (album // woodsy breakup rumination from all angles)

History of A Feeling by Madi Diaz (album // parting in its entirety)

Crushing by Julia Jacklin (album // a cpmplete relationship arc)

Playlist by me about being broken up with (compiled over 3yrs!)

How'd you get away? Cause oh, good heavens, we abided by the night But there are darker things than the absence of light And they still creak through our halls

I would build a city out of you and me There would be crime, but still a local grocery If you'd stay

Maggie Rogers, "Blood Ballet" (on playlist)

Playlist by me about being the one to call it off

Playlist by me about reaching for closure and forgiveness

(Bonus: Here and here are poems I've written about my own breakup experiences.)

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stevenatroupe · 7 months

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Does One Truly Find Themselves?

Life is a never ending battle of learning and understanding yourself

Our whole lives we go about finding ourselves. That's what's stitched in our brains as young children. “Go out in the world, and find yourself.” What exactly am I finding? and why am I finding someone or something that's already inside me? Better yet how’d it get lost in the first place.

I personally believe one never finds, but discovers. You didn’t find out you liked music, you discovered it. This world is a big and sometimes scary place. We are forever changing, and developing into creative individuals. In a world this big you'll be forever hunting to find you.

I’m a 26 year old female who has yet to find herself. But I'm okay with that, because on the journey of finding myself while losing myself, I discovered a part of who I am. I wish the term finding yourself never existed. I spent 16 years of my life trying to find someone who had already existed on the inside. I was losing sight of the people, places and things around me. Chasing after a dream that I never even wanted. Because if I just found myself, did everything society wanted out of me, maybe my life would feel somewhat complete.

Now in no way am I saying finding yourself is a bad thing. I truly believe without the opportunity of trying to find myself I Wouldn’t have had the fighting chance to lose myself. The term makes it feel like you have to be happy 100% of the time, and if not you’re failing. That’s when self destruction takes over. It destroys your mind, and leads you to believe you’re not good enough. When in reality you’re having a bad day because you’ve discovered something that makes you feel uneasy. And instead of being down on yourself you should ask yourself questions. Start to be curious within you. For example -– Right now my heart feels heavy, and my mind is racing. What activity just happened to make me feel this way? How can I change this situation so next time I know the proper way to react?

While some may think self discovery, and finding yourself is equivalent, It’s truly all about how you interpret it. In today's world people have put a fairy tail stigma on the term “finding yourself”. They make it seem like it’s all light and rainbows. Posting short clips on Tik Tok, making vlog videos, and even writing about it in blog posts. They give you the short edited “good” stuff. Rarely ever do people show you how they got there. You don't wake up one morning and say “I found myself” and be done. It doesn't all of a sudden click.You are constantly moving through life and changing. You’re discovering new things about yourself daily. Your perspective on things hardly ever stays the same.

Self discovery is about understanding who you are. Doing the things you’ve always wanted to do without regret nor shame. Meeting people you never thought you would. Most importantly self discovery leads to vulnerability. Self. discovery is a form of art.

The Philosophy of self discovery:

“the central inner force common to all human beings and yet unique to each, which is the deep source of growth… [that is] free, healthy development in accordance with the potentials of one’s generic and individual nature.” Horney, 1950, p. 17

According to this view, a person’s true self essentially lies beneath the surface, and our task is to recognize, or understand that which already exists. Once you have, you can then make choices about your life and identity that are more consistent with this self-knowledge (Waterman, 2011).

In other words — there is no right or wrong way to discover yourself. If you’re willing to put in the effort of understanding yourself it will come.. Stop seeking. the validation of others, and start seeking it from you.

#faith #self improvement #self healing #self help #self love #self care

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endearingjaemin · 3 years

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play this when i'm gone | NA JAEMIN

you fixed your hair, drank some water and looked at karina, giving her a 'is this recording?' look and she raised her thumbs. you weren't ready but you had to do it. the farewells had unfortunately begun. your travel end has finally arrived. there's no turn back time.

"hi, jaem!"

jaemin. na jaemin. the cutest soul ever. your rock, your boyfriend.

"all this time, i've wanting to start writing you a message just so i can say that i love you. anyways, words couldn't ever arrived, that's why i'm recording this to you for when i'm finally... gone. and because i had to let you know that everything about me was... you"

behind the camera, karina's eyes were starting to drip.

"i think the time for me to leave is coming, but i wanted you to know that i'll never leave you. i mean, literally. i'm gonna be that little ghost around you, that little whisper, that fresh air breeze, that shadow behind you. like, everything i am today in day, right?"

you still remember the day you both met like if it was yesterday - he was in a park bench, breathing freedom, away from fame, crowds, pressure, tension and pain, and you were just there, chillin' it out while watching the little kids play. something, you end up talking. the rest is story. the rest walks you here, the final chapter.

"i also want you to know that, everyday, i would look to your pictures, so the last thing i did see was you. that's how i'm gonna keep you forever by my side, even if i'm not around anymore"

and you still remember the day you got diagnosed. that day, jaemin cried until he fell asleep, hugging you and trying, in dreams, to find a way that could save you from what was waiting for you. but everyday was a new fight and he had to be there to hold your hope.

"anxiety is eating me alive, you know? and i'm fighting with my sobriety. last time i could barely open my eyes from the pill i took to sleep when i promised i wouldn't do it. i apologize for that, babe"

inevitably, your body became addicted to narcotics. if everything hurt a lot or your head didn't shut up, you would automatically take some medicine. eventually, jaemin realized of it and, after a long talk, you promise him that you would control yourself... you failed.

"i'm not gonna lie and tell you it's alright. you're gonna cry and that's alright, baby. i know how hard you try to keep your feelings on line. but... you don't have to because it's not a sin to show you're human sometimes. you're the purest one alive. and, for awhile, you'll probably think that you can't handle anymore or that it'll be better to give up. but you got this, jaem, and you're surrendered by people who loves you and gonna help you to be you again, darling"

your mind travels you to the first date you had. god, what an incredible night that was. he acted like a gentleman the whole evening and, just for a second, you thought he was an angel. at the end, he drove you home and asked for a second date. then a third, then a fourth, until they became into endless ones. you'll give everything to take that times back, when life was like a fairy tale.

"jaem, my beautiful jaem, i hope you get to go to all the places that i showed before on my laptop when we were choosing destinies for our little vacations. my pretty gem, i remember when i was on the road and couldn't be home to hold you when you had a breakdown from practice. a part of me doesn't want this cruel world to know you, you're way too good for it. so just try and keep in mind everything that i told you, alright? they would want to knock you down. never let them, baby, prove them you're like gold"

if only heaven could know everything you get together through, how hard it was for the both of you to still standing. no one would ever understand. waking up without being around his arms, sleeping out without his voice singing you. sometimes you still asked yourself how you managed to keep going. somehow, you did.

"society is eating me alive. i'm fighting what comes with this notoriety every night. maybe that's why i never wanted us to go public"

jaemin. your bunny. your stars. your whole solar system.

"maybe this is the last time i'll ever open up my eyes, i apologize"

you're really gonna miss his smile.

his green hoodie.

his smell.

his laugh.

you're really gonna miss him.

"just remember, okay? i'll say it again, i'm not gonna lie and tell you it's alright. you're gonna cry, baby, and that's alright. totally alright"

and it's gonna be so tough.

and terrifying.

and he's gonna be so hopeless.

"oh, and i wrote you a song to keep when i'm gone if you ever feel alone. you used to do it for me. it was kinda my turn now, i really hope you like it, it express my eternal love for you and your being"

and he's gonna cry.

but that's alright.

"i'll miss you. and i love you"

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aphrodite-would-be-proud · 3 years

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Armin having a crush on you while you're dating Eren pt.3

{ Armin x reader, Eren x reader | suggestive | tw:possessive behaviour, tw:unhealthy-friendships, tw:toxic, tw:jealousy | angst, drama, pinning | modern }

{ "the stranded ship" 1843 by Asher Brown Durand 1796 - 1886 }

The anniversary of your first meeting was coming soon, an entire year since you stumbled into his life by mere accident.

Armin would've never guessed bumping into you outside the library would've had such an impact, and what a beautiful accident it was.

And now, an entire year later he can see clearly why you stole his heart.

He found in you what he lacked, things he desired and admired for so long, things that made him feel at ease.

Things he oh so desperately wanted.

Just your mention would make his mood better, the thought of you making the sky seem a bit brighter and the world not so dim anymore.

He was smitten and he knew it, after all how could he deny it.

especially since he's read about it in a hundred different books, the stories of those similarly struck by cupid's bow as they got high on love alone.

Watched it in tens of tv shows, people falling for each other, struggling to get together despite the world pulling them apart.

And as much as others would scoff and turn their noses at these things, calling it a mere fantasy, he couldn't deny how much deep down he hoped for it.

Maybe he was just too romantic with his head swimming in the clouds, maybe he was too eager and hopeful for a connection.

But he swore he could see it clear as day, see the both of you falling in love.

At that time, he could recite how it would go as if it was a movie playing in his mind just as he fell asleep, dreaming about a soon-to-be-real fantasy each night.

He's willing to put in the effort, you're worth the work after all.

And so he began making subtle moves, showing interest in small ways, bit by bit till he got bolder day by day.

As far as anyone could tell, you seemed to be on board.

But Armin was never sure, he didn't want to mess this up and make a move that might make you pull away.

He wasn't looking for a nonchalant sure from you, he was looking for an enthusiastic yes.

Which is why he took his sweet time getting closer, strategically considering every move and step, making plans for dates and backup plans if plan A failed.

He was giving his all, squeezing his brain for all it's worth as he analysed every move.

It's just that he didn't want to mess this up.

As if.

Fate had it's way as always, maybe he just cared so much about the tiny details that he was blind to the big signs, for how could he notice the sun if he was too busy studying the grains of sand.

Or maybe, pushing all that philosophical bullshit aside, he just waited too long.

You also made your moves but he didn't seem to respond in a clear way, not fully showing interest since he was too lost in his own mind.

Did you feel like he was subtly rejecting you? Did you feel like he was attempting to push you in the friendzone?

He can't know how you felt, and whatever it was it must have been why you didn't hesitate to say yes to the next person who asked you out.

Which just happened to be Eren.

Thinking back to how it all fell apart, Armin would curse his past naive self for simply standing aside, without making an attempt to stop it as he watched Eren integrate himself into your life.

At the time he thought he was being the bigger person, a good friend to someone he brought he could trust.

He thought life couldn't be that cruel, in the end his hard word should pay off as you realise you belong with him right?

Ha!

Ha…No.

How could he have been so blind and stupid?

It's been a year since you've known Armin but it's been 9 months since you've been dating Eren.

He went through it all, becoming well acquainted with the stages of grief.

But he's fed up honestly.

He swears he could almost lose his mind if he saw another video of you on Eren’s Instagram story.

The other proudly showing you off in his arms, knowing exactly what he's doing.

And so Armin decided enough is enough, he's taking back what he lost, what rightfully should've been his and screw being a good friend.

He knew he can't just barge into your apartment, confess his undying love and ride into the sunset with you smitten in his arms.

Unless he wanted a restraining order.

What does he want most?

You of course.

What is he best at?

...being subtle.

It's what got him into this mess in the first place, and so it will be his saving grace.

A good morning text a day, nothing more or less, simple yet effective.

And that, turning into him checking on you throughout the day, you know casual stuff.

Did you eat? How did that project go? It's raining, did you take an umbrella ?

Slowly, day by day your conversations will grow as you get used to him being a part of your daily routine.

And that's when he turns it up a notch, maybe you'd like to meet at the nearby park? Or grab some coffee in the morning?

You need a friend to shop with? Yeah he's free and he would even carry your bags

...or well attempt to, cut him some slack you know he isn't that strong yet is trying his best.

Maybe, after some weeks of you falling back into the routine of meeting up with him, he could invite you over again.

Just like the good old times.

Of course he'd never tell you the reason he stopped visiting your place was because he couldn't stand seeing Eren’s clothes scattered around.

All you'll hear is that he feels the most comfortable at his own place, he even prepared some lunch and made freshly squeezed juice! You wouldn't say no to him after all the effort he did would you?

Yeah...you couldn't, that's exactly why he made sure only to ask you to come over after he finished preparing everything.

You're a good person, you wouldn't want his work to go to waste would you? You wouldn't do that to him.

The small lunch you agreed on, soon enough turned into watching tv together.

Oh wow the show he picked is so good, and each episode ends in a cliffhanger, lucky he has all episodes on Netflix so you wouldn't mind watching them all now would you?

Let's just turn autoplay on and not pay attention to how each episode is an hour long.

The next thing you know, it's dark outside and you're yawning while hugging a blanket close on the couch.

Your phone was in the other room, it's 11pm and you have 5 missed calls from Eren at different hours.

Armin would assure you that it's just Eren being Eren, you should just send a text back later.

And aren't you hungry? How about you and him go make midnight dinner and think about these stuff later.

After you have your food, you realise it's too late to go home.

Not to mention Armin's words about how dangerous it is to walk alone this late aren't exactly helping.

Of course he's quick to apologise, claiming he's just...worried about you, why don't you stay over instead?

He even has some fresh towels and blankets.

Why?...uh no reason, laundry day just happened to be yesterday so that's why.

And for a single day, he gets to wake up to you first thing in the morning, to see the way the sun would fall on your face as he opened the curtains.

The way he gets to tuck you in and adjust the blanket before he goes to make breakfast, no way he's not spoiling you rotten while he has you in his bed.

You'd be sleeping soundly one minute and the next gently stirred awake to the delicious smell of pancakes.

Armin's smiling face, as he murmurs a good morning in his sleepy voice.

God he wishes he can stay in this moment forever.

But, Armin knows exactly what he's doing, he's 100% self aware.

Maybe that's why he doesn't feel bad when reassuring you that it's still too early to leave, and how about you help him move some boxes to the closet instead?

Oh! What's that? You found an old book in one of them, how bizarre, not to mention it's the one that inspired your favourite movie.

You wouldn't mind him reading you some lines would you?

But he doesn't wanna spoil the details for you, there's a lot of extra content the movie left out.

So how about this instead, forget the boxes, you and him should go back in bed and let him read you the book.

Why would he be the one reading? Because his storytelling is good and you know it, soon enough you'll find yourself entranced by the story as the outer world blurs out into a haze.

Time flies by quickly, because he's such a natural at it and so it's the afternoon when the doorbell rings, bringing you back to reality.

It's Eren, coming to pick you up because you weren't answering your phone.

After you leave, and his little play pretend date ends, he's taken back to the cold truth that no matter what, you will go back home to Eren by then end of the day.

Never him.

Well, not for long.

...

The car ride back home with Eren was...uncomfortable in a way.

His grip too tight on the steering wheel, shoulders too stiff and narrowed eyes glancing at you every once.

And yet he didn't say much, only answering your attempt at starting a conversation with a single word or a hum.

Maybe he was too lost in his own mind, making connections to how Armin seemed to he inviting you places more and more

How each time you come back much later than promised

But the thing that bothered him to the core, was the fact you'd just spend the night at Armin's place with no warning beforehand.

Eren has been trying to convince you to move into his apartment for what seemed like forever, and each time you'd refuse saying you needed your privacy and yet you'd just go and stay over at another guy's house like it's nothing

He wanted to scream, he was fuming inside.

This isn't the only thing that got on his nerves, it's how your phone never seemed to shut up, one text notification after the other and even at the earliest hours of the day.

And for some reason you'd open the phone with a smile, never ignoring any of them because it's too rude to ignore a text.

Then why the fuck didn't you pick up his calls.

He had an idea on who has been texting you, he's not stupid.

He can't even count the amount of times he almost clocked out of work or canceled his plans last minute just because you called saying you're going out with Armin for the day.

Just the idea of you alone with someone else in some secluded area made him want to drop everything and go after you.

He's been attempting to get you closer to his mother, just to show how serious he was about you.

And maybe to show you off to her, but he would never admit it that he takes pride in flaunting you around in front of his family.

Carla even seemed to like you too, making you some food every once in a while, inviting you over for family dinner and including you in game nights.

It was an unspoken rule that you and Eren were an item, even if nothing was official, he made it clear to his family that it will be.

Maybe he'd even introduce you to Zeke one day, someone most of his friends don't even know he's related to.

Well the other already knows about you to be fair, it was by mere chance that you happened to call when both of them were smoking at the front porch while his mom made dinner.

Eren couldn't help the stupid grin spreading over his face when you called, almost forgetting his big brother was next to him the more he talked to you, playfully teasing.

The other observed quietly, the only acknowledgement he gave Eren was patting his back with a chuckle before going to help Carla inside.

Eren was late to dinner, having lost track of time while talking to you.

Sometimes he wonders how did it all get like this, how did he manage to get this infatuated with you.

He won't lie, he wanted to get closer to you since the day Armin brought you to hang out with their group.

His eyes wouldn't leave you, even if they did they'd soon glance back to you.

Even Jean was out of his mind that they didn't argue at all, instead Eren’s entire focus and attention was on the way you laughed each time Connie would tell a joke.

Or the way you licked your lips after Sasha offered you a bite of her food.

It wasn't until Marco asked him what's wrong that he realised he hasn't said a thing the entire time.

So he didn't waste his chance, shooting his shot right away and moving to sit beside you.

It wasn't even a full week before he asked you out, because what's the worst that could happen? If you reject him then he'd just laugh it off and attempt to get closer to you before asking you again after some months.

To his surprise, you welcomed his advances with open arms from the first time and that is what made him latch onto you even more.

He didn't expect to succeed from the first time, although it was a pleasant surprise it still made him wonder if you would've done the same to someone else.

...if you would've still said yes to someone else asking you, that it was more of being at the right place and time that made him win you over.

He knows it's irrational thinking to get irritated by imaginary scenarios that have no proof but it didn't quell his mind.

Thank fuck he snatched you first.

And what a catch you were, perfectly fitting for him as if you were specifically designed.

Your kisses could make him melt into a puddle, your touch could make him lose his breath.

He genuinely enjoyed spending time with you, just the two of you alone.

Not to mention how you are such an adorable thing too whenever you show him your hobbies or interests.

You've always given him validation without him having to ask for it, so much that he's almost addicted.

Mainly coming to you for compliments whenever he does a thing, just hugging you from behind and giving you those eyes till you've boosted his ego enough.

Maybe that's why he started clinging to you more, taking you to cheer for him whenever he went to play basketball with Jean and Reiner, even teaching you some moves just for an excuse to hold you closer from behind as you bounce the ball.

Or pulling you into his lap while playing videogames, giving you a kiss each time he wins and shamelessly asking for a prize afterwards.

Or maybe tracing his fingers up and down your thighs under the table at family dinner nights, more focused on the lining of your inner thigh than whatever story his father is telling about work

you just...made his life better, more fun and so full of colour.

He could see something coming out of this relationship, a burred future but a future nonetheless.

Now with his face softened, he glanced at you again, meeting your gaze.

One of his hands left the wheel, taking your hand instead and giving it a small squeeze.

A silent apology maybe? Or was it to reassure himself that you're still with him.

That's exactly why things like these get a strong reaction from him, it's not that he doesn't trust you, it's that he doesn't trust the world around you.

Mostly because he knows Armin, more than anyone else, hell even more than Mikasa.

He has known him since kindergarten, and while Armin never picks up a fight, he never runs away from one.

Eren isn't delusioned with the awkward and innocent front everyone else thinks of Armin, he fucking knows what he's capable of.

And he knows the second he lets his guard down, Armin wouldn't bat an eye before using it to get closer to you.

The worst mistake someone could ever do is underestimate his friend

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 3 years

Text

White Lies (Pt. 11 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

<- Previous part (10)

Next part (12) ->

{Keanu Reeves Masterlist}

{John Wick Masterlist}

Guilt

The first feeling to wash over him when he opens his eyes is bliss. Pure, and utter bliss, a kind of happiness he didn't even know existed. Seeing (Y/N) peacefully sleeping on his chest is more than he deserves... And that's when it kicks in, and the joy is corrupted, overcome by guilt.

He can't believe what he did. He betrayed her on a whole other level. This isn't fair to her, not when she believes they're married. He's too buried in this lie, and last night, he did the only thing he never thought he'd do.

But how could he not? He's in love with her, he wants to be the father of her child, and there are times, and they come more often every passing day, that he's completely overcome by the fake life he's living. There are moments where Keanu is her husband. The lines are so blurry right now that he can't separate things. He can't tell the difference anymore.

Running a hand through his hair, looking at the ceiling, he smiles as she moves a little in her sleep, snuggling closer to him, a warm hand on his bare chest. (Y/N) is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. And everything drives him in. Her voice, her smile, her laughter. The way she walks, the way she talks to her unborn child when she thinks he's not listening.

He tried. He really did, but look how much he failed.

All this had an expiration date. And in the very beginning, he couldn't wait for that day. When she would remember and would go on with her life, picking it up where she left it, and forget about him. But with time, things changed. And now, he knows he can keep this up forever. (Y/N) won't remember, and Keanu can make this real. Fake the papers, he knows people who could do it. She'd be his wife.

But his love is too strong to do such a thing. He can't bring himself to do this. He has to tell her, everything. The lie, the reason, and explain it wasn't his idea. He also needs to tell her about his feelings, because they're the only real thing in this mess. And if the heavens listen to his prayers, if some kind of miracle happens, maybe, just maybe, she'd still love him. Marry him, for real this time.

Keanu could only hope. The pregnancy is not at risk anymore, and despite the doctors saying he should still keep the act, Dr. Harris assured him (Y/N) is strong enough now. And he has to tell her. And so he will. He just needs some time away from all this, away from this place, to enjoy this while he still can because he knows how insane it is. That the chances are she'll go to Argentina with her mother-in-law, and he'll never see her again. And if that really happens, he won't blame her.

Because after everything he did, for taking her as if she was his last night, he doesn't deserve this bliss. But he wants it, and he can't bring himself to end this without some more time with her. Something he will remember and cherish for the rest of this life if this is bound to break.

The morning light is what welcomes you back to consciousness. Closing your eyes tight before opening them up, you take a deep breath. The air is cold, you can feel it on your bare shoulders, but the warmth coming from Keanu keeps you from complaining. The first thing you remember is what happened last night, and your cheeks go red. Smiling a little, you softly caress Keanu's chest with your thumb, not sure if he's awake yet.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He says, and your smile only gets brighter. You love the pet name.

“Morning.” Pushing yourself up with your elbows, you place a kiss on his chest, right on his heart, then on his collarbone before finally reaching his lips. “Did you sleep well?” The question was supposed to be simple, but the smirk comes from somewhere inside you and you're sure it just changed the intonation of the thing.

“Very well.” He mutters, a hand coming to caress your cheek. Keanu sounds weird, a weight on his voice.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you let yourself sink back to bed, lying beside him. “Did I... Did I do something wrong last night?” You can't help but ask, the euphoria vanishing quickly as you try to understand why he seems so... Sad.

“Of course not.” Turning on his side and encircling your waist with a strong arm, pulling you closer, he shakes his head lightly. “It was amazing. You were amazing.”

“Then what's wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, sweetheart. Everything is so perfect that it looks like a dream.” As he speaks, you move closer, feeling as his hand rubs the small of your back.

“Uhm... I think–” The doorbell cuts you off. “Who could that be?” It sounds like a whine.

“Lucia.”

“What?” Moving away from him, you sit up. “What is she doing here?”

“She came to visit you.”

“Oh...” Who could blame you for forgetting she was coming today? You're not a fan of her, and what's going on here is far better. “Can't we just–” The cold air on your torso makes you pull the sheets to shield your body, trying really hard not to let Keanu notice how red you must be. “Can't we just pretend we're not here and stay the whole day in bed?” You're not even done speaking when the doorbells rings again.

“She already dislikes me, if you don't show up, it'll make it even worse.” Sitting up, he pulls you into a kiss. “I'll dress up and open the door for her. Go take a shower. I'll make you something to eat.”

“Alright.” Sighing, you purposely climb past him to get off the bed. Keanu gives you a look, that you choose to ignore, pulling the sheets with you as you move to the bathroom.

“One more thing.” He calls out, right before you close the bathroom door shut.

“What?”

“You don't need to cover up. You're beautiful.”

Moving to the side so the door will hide your face, you bite your lip. “Thanks, babe.” You manage to push out, closing the door.

Once you're done washing yourself, you put your hair up on a ponytail and a light blue dress. Taking one of Keanu's hoodies to protect you from the coat, you move downstairs, and the only reason why you're smiling is because you smell of bacon. It was the first breakfast Keanu made you, and it feels kinda nostalgic. It is one of the oldest memories you have.

“(Y/N),” Lucia calls as you're making your way to the kitchen. Keanu looks over his shoulder, and you give him a forced smile before turning on your heels and moving to the living room. “I missed you so much!” Lucia pulls you into a hug.

“Hi, Lucia. How's everything?” You don't like Lucia. And Lucia doesn't like your husband. And Keanu, being a gentleman, won't admit he can't stand her, but you know that's how he feels.

“I'm great. Tell me about you.” You both move to the couch, taking a seat. “How's the baby? Have you come up with a name yet?”

“We're still thinking... But we agreed on not telling people until we know for sure.” Deciding to just let it out before she asks, you try not to let her notice you feel a little uncomfortable when she touches your belly.

“Have you... Have you considered Daniel?” Lucia asks, her voice breaking a little. Shrugging your shoulders, you shake your head no. “D-doesn't this name mean anything to you?”

Obviously not. But you won't be a bitch about it. “No, it doesn't.”

“Alright.” She mumbles, clearing her throat. “So, how's this little one?”

“He's great.” You say, a hand coming to your belly.

“Or she,” Keanu adds, and you roll your eyes.

“Quit spying on me, babe.” You raise your voice, and there's only a low giggle in response.

“Is he spying on you?” Despite the clear joking tone you had, Lucia sounds... Genuinely worried.

Chuckling at her expression, you sigh. “We're just joking around, Lucia.”

“Honey...” She takes both your hands on hers, as she does right before telling you how you can trust her if Keanu does anything. It's quite tiring, actually. She can't seem to understand he's a good person. Maybe it's the age thing... But that's not her business.

“I know what you'll say, Mrs. Davis, and I assure you there's nothing to worry about. Keanu is a gentleman, he hasn't pushed me into anything.” You don't want to talk to her about that, but you don't have a choice. Every time this happens, you just hope to say the right thing to make her let it go. “Everything we've done was because I was ready.”

“What do you mean by everything you've done?” Her tone changes suddenly, a lot harsher than before, and her hands squeeze yours.

You weren't talking about that... And you didn't think that was exactly where her mind would float too. “Mrs. Davis, this is between me and Keanu.”

She giggles, fake and loud, and in a sudden motion, Lucia gets up, walking fast to the kitchen. “What did you do to her?” She's already yelling when you finally reach the kitchen, a finger on Keanu's face.

“Mrs. Davis, I–” He starts, but you won't let him do this. Lucia was your mother's ‘friend’, or so she says, and you won't let her put Keanu in this position.

“What do you think you're doing?” Moving to stand between him and Lucia, you raise her voice above hers. “What gives you the right to come to my house, put your nose in my life, and yell at my husband?” Being rude wasn't the intention, but you're suddenly angry. Blame it on the hormones, blame it on the fact that you don't like Lucia at all, or on the fact that she ruined a perfectly good morning.

“Am I supposed to smile and nod when you go around letting him have you?” Her disgusted tone takes you by surprise. Why is she talking like this? What's wrong with this woman?

“My private life is not your business, and if you haven't been paying attention, Keanu is my husband.” Stepping forward, you stare into her eyes. “And I won't have you talking like this.”

Lucia laughs, pacing around a little, a hand covering her mouth as if you just told a joke.

“This man is not–”

“That's enough.” Keanu suddenly shouts, and it startles both of you. You never heard him yelling, and that's completely new. “I won't let you speak like that in my house. I know you're important to (Y/N), but the only thing I won't allow is you ruining her progress. If you keep this up, I'll have to let her doctor know about your behavior around his patient.”

After his thunder voice is gone, you're left in silence. Deep, uncomfortable, tense silence. Lucia seems to be broken though, her face dropped, and both her arms rest on the sides of her body. “I think you should leave now, Mrs. Davis.” You say in a low voice.

She nods, eyes on Keanu. “You'll pay for what you're doing.” Is the last thing she says before storming away, taking her purse and leaving the house, pulling the front door so violently you wonder if she broke something.

Running a hand through your hair, you take a deep breath, turning at Keanu. “What the hell was that?” You mutter, still trying to understand that just happened.

“Are you alright?” He comes closer, and you immediately collapse on his chest.

“I'm alright. She's a bitch.”

“Don't think about it. Let's eat.”

Nodding, you wash yesterday's dishes as he finishes breakfast, and you both sit down to eat. Power is back, thankfully, so you decide to watch some TV as he showers. Laura calls, and you invite her over for dinner. Keanu will have a co-worker, so you'll just need to add another plate. And, after all this, you need to talk to someone.

You're skipping through the channels when Keanu comes back downstairs, and when he settles down next to you, you immediately snuggle closer, until you're pretty much lying down, and you're the little spoon, back pressed against his chest.

“I invited Laura for dinner.” You tell him, still looking for something to watch.

“Are you planning on setting her up with Robert?”

“Is Robert single?” You didn't have this in mind, but now you do.

“He is.”

“Then I'm setting her up with Robert.” You quickly make your mind, carefully turning around on the couch so you're facing Keanu. “I'm sorry, by the way. I didn't think Lucia would explode like that.”

“It's alright, beautiful.” He smiles, placing a kiss on your forehead. “I was thinking... We should take a trip. Two weeks and only if your doctors say it's alright, of course. Just so we could stay away from all this for a while.”

Smiling, you peck his lips. “I'd love that. Could we go to the beach?”

“Wherever you want, sweetheart.”

“Will it... Will it be like a second honeymoon?” You can't remember the first, but you figure it's no good to bring this up now.

Keanu giggles, caressing your chin with his thumb and index finger. “Anything you want.”

“Well, I'll need a new bikini because these two won't feet on the one I have.” You gesture at your breasts, still growing a little. “I could call Laura and we could go shopping.”

“Let me talk to the doctors first. Because there's no way I'm taking you away if they think it will be dangerous.” Keanu reminds you, raising an eyebrow.

“Alright, sir.” Moving on the couch, you start climbing on him, until you're straddling his hips. “But one day I'll be one hundred percent fine. And this won't be a problem anymore.”

“Of course.”

“So... Did you lock the front door?” You ask, placing both your hands on his chest.

“I did. Why?” When you don't answer, but just smiles and sits up, arms around your waist as he captures your lips on a kiss.

• • •

Laura has a perplexed expression on her face as you tell about Lucia. You don't mean to gossip, but Laura is pretty much your best friend, and you need someone from outside to help you understand what the hell happened. Seated on the downstairs balcony, you cross your arms, leg bouncing as you let out the whole story.

“That's crazy.” Laura bursts out. “I get it that you're important to her and everything, but you're an adult, even though you lost your memory. And you have the right to make your own decisions.”

“Thank you.” You breathe out, throwing a hand in the air. “She snapped out of nowhere. And the way she spoke to Keanu? God, I almost considered slapping her in the face.” This makes you giggle, and so does Laura.

“Look, I was... Quite unsure of this in the beginning. But I wanted you to figure things out on your own, and let you know I was there if something happened.” That's true. Laura is always around, and, if anything backfired, if something bad happened between you and Keanu, she'd be the first person you'd call for help. “And with time, I saw that you were doing fine. And I know you love him, and he loves you. I'm sure because I spoke to him myself.” With a sassy smile, she leans back, resting against the chair.

“You did what?”

“I spoke to him.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Nothing matters to me. The age difference, the memory loss, it doesn't matter. The important thing is the feeling. So yes, I called him and had a long conversation about you, and I'm convinced that man in there loves you more than anything. You and this baby.”

Laura sounds so damn sure it brings tears to your eyes. Covering your face with both hands, you start crying. “Stupid hormones!” You exclaim, body shaking with the sobs.

“Oh, (Y/N).” She gets up and hugs you, bending down a little. “I didn't mean to make you cry.”

“It's from happiness, so don't worry.” Calming down, you take a deep breath as she pulls a nearby chair and sits next to you. “Anyway... I'm setting you up with Robert tonight. Keanu's friend and co-worker.” You mutter, wiping the tears away. “So let me know if you like him or not, alright?”

“Alright.” She agrees with an eye roll.

Despite having your mind floating to two different things: you and Keanu, and Lucia's outburst, you manage to enjoy dinner. Robert is kind, and you do think this whole thing with him and Laura could work out.

But in the next days, what you really want to know it about the trip. Things have been getting even better between you and Keanu, you're growing a lot closer now that you're both living like a married couple. And going somewhere else with him would be absolutely amazing. At first, Dr. Wright says it's alright, but some exams will be needed to see if it would be safe. Dr. Harris on the other hand said that you're ready. Your mind is ready, and you hope with all your heart that your body is too.

It takes too many days for Dr. Wright and the others to finally allow you to go. But only for two weeks, and whatever you'll be staying, it has to be near a hospital, just in case. Keanu said something about having a helicopter ready to take you back to New York if something happens, but you don't want to believe he'd do such a thing.

But when you're getting inside the plane, heading to Miami, you're cheerful. You're determined to make this trip amazing, for both of you. This is a mark, a rite of passage. From this day on, you'll forget what happened, you'll forget that you lost something. You can either suffer for the rest of your life for everything you lost or enjoy what you have. And you'll enjoy it because what you have right now is wonderful.

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303

#keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves #imagine keanu reeves #john wick fanfic #john wick imagine #john wick fanfiction #john wick x reader

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yoongsicles · 3 years

Text

warning: almost cheating

wc: 1,673

genre: lil' fluff, angst

Track 2: One Last Time (Ten Lee)

Sometimes you still question yourself if choosing your modeling career was the right choice or even leaving your family just so you can go to Paris.

There's still a lot going on inside your mind to this day. Ever since you've been chosen to become one of the models in your agency to go to France, you have never been so happy in your life. It was a dream come true for you but being there made you realize how incomplete you are.

Sometimes you still question yourself if choosing your career over him was the right choice.

Him. Ten Lee.

You two were inseparable ever since elementary. He was there in your ups and downs, you were there when his parents got divorced. You were his first everything and he was yours.

For him, you were the love of his life, his everything. But that was before you broke his heart.

You are officially invited to Ten and Lisa's wedding.

You've read this countless times but it still hasn't sunk in. Lisa was your high school best friend. You knew from the beginning how he feels about Ten but since you were still his girlfriend back then, Lisa didn't have a choice but to accept the fact that you're his.

And now. They're about to get married.

"It's good to have you back here" your sister, Yeri held your hand while she's driving. She just picked you up from the airport.

You're still looking at the invitation when Yeri noticed you.

"You don't have to go, you know" she sighed still focused on the road. "I can't miss Lisa's big day," you said putting the invitation inside your purse.

"Don't you think it's kind of insensitive for her to send you an invitation?" she asked and added "Three years ago when she told you that she's dating Ten, that was foul. I mean you're her best friend and dating your ex is just" she sighed again.

"I have no control over their feelings, Yeri. All I have to do right now is to support them" you tried showing her a smile but failed.

It was exactly six years ago when you chose your career over Ten.

When you got to Paris, you still tried continuing your relationship with him but you weren't happy anymore. Long-distance doesn't work for you but for him everything was possible.

Until he was the only one left trying. Ten knows that you're about to give up but you already did.

Ten supported your career still even though in return, he'll lose you.

When Lisa told you that he was dating Ten two years after you broke up, that made you realize that breaking his heart was a mistake.

And now you're too late.

"We're here" you got back to your senses when the car stopped. Looking at your house, you can't express how happy you are now that you're finally home.

Two days after returning to Seoul, you and Yeri went to Lisa's bridal shower.

"Now you're nervous" Yeri teased you, "I told you this is not a good idea. What will happen to you at the actual wedding? Passed out?"

"I'm fine" you smiled at her. You saw Lisa entertaining her guests and took her a minute to saw you too.

"Oh my God, you're here!" she ran towards you giving you a hug "Hey," you said still hugging her "Six years, y/n. Six freaking years and the only thing that can get you back here is my wedding" Lisa squealed holding both of your hands.

"Well, I can't miss this," you tell her smiling. Yeri scoffed beside you giving Lisa a fake smile.

The night went well. You saw your high school batchmates, got to drink your favorite wine, and you also got to bond with your sister.

Lisa's bridal shower was about to end when you saw Ten entering the venue. You felt like everything stopped. Seeing him again after six years was overwhelming that you can't even think properly.

He went to greet Lisa and the other guests. "You're not supposed to be here! This is an all-girls party" you heard Lisa shooing Ten away but he just held Lisa's hand tighter "I'm here to pick you up. It's getting late" Ten replied.

You were waiting for him to notice you until he did.

"You never told me that Ten got way hotter now," you told Yeri still looking at Ten "Uhm because he's already your ex?" she answered.

"Y/n! Come!" Lisa called you but your feet were glued on the floor so Lisa decided to bring Ten and walked towards you.

Both of you and Ten had an awkward greeting but he made sure he's making you feel comfortable by having a proper conversation with you.

"I'm glad that you'd get to attend," he said. You don't know how to answer that so you just gave him a smile. Ten has known you enough that he can see the pain in your eyes.

He tried not to think about it but seeing you so beautiful tonight can't deny the fact that he missed you too. After all, you were his best friend.

On the way home, you don't even know if it's the alcohol that's making you sad or seeing Ten earlier. You still can't move on from how good he looked.

You still love him. You still do and it sucks.

The night before the wedding, you've decided to visit Ten in his apartment. You knew Lisa's not gonna be there because she's not allowed to be with his groom until the wedding.

Different emotions filling you up right now as you knocked on his door. Drinking too much will make a person too vulnerable and make you do something you'll regret the next day.

And here you are at his doorsteps.

"Y/n?" Ten was clearly surprised because the last thing he wants was a visitor this late at night.

"Can I come in?" Ten was hesitant but he was worried that something's up so he decided to let you in. Walking past him, he smelled the alcohol all over you.

"Are you-" before he even gets to finish his question, you cut him off by saying "I still love you" which shocked him. He was confused, so confused that he became mad at you.

"Why now?" he asked "I know I don't deserve you anymore but please hear me out for the last time" you started crying in front of him.

"I'm sorry it took too long for me to realize the mistake I've done. I swear I tried coming back but Lisa was already there"

"Yes! She was there and is still there. She never gave up on me, y/n. Unlike you who made it seem so easy"

You were sobbing and Ten was just looking at you.

"I'm so sorry" you hugged him and he was doing nothing. Just letting you hug him. Ten missed you so much but this isn't right at all.

When you let go of him, you looked him straight in his eyes still crying "I missed you" you whispered. This isn't supposed to happen, you both thought but your emotions are fighting back.

Both of you know that the love is still there but for Ten, it's the love for his best friend and not for the person who broke him before.

On the other hand, all you wanted to do was kiss him again but before you could even do it, you passed out in his arms.

Waking up to familiar yet unfamiliar surroundings, you see yourself wearing a man's shirt. Realizing where you are, the events from last night flashed in your head.

You facepalmed. You swear in your life that you'll never gonna drink again.

You get up immediately to get your things. You saw Ten sleeping on his couch. I can't wake him, you tell yourself.

You just felt horrible that you're in his apartment, six hours before his wedding but thankful as well because nothing regretful happened last night. Yes, saying those words last night wasn't regretful at all for you because now you have the chance to fully move on.

Ten woke up to the sound of his alarm. Turning it off, he got up to see if you're still in his room but you already left. He sighed remembering what happened last night.

He noticed his and Lisa's wedding invitation on his table alongside a letter.

It was from you.

Dearest Ten,

I'm sorry I wasn't able to bid goodbye properly but what I'm sorry the most is the pain I've caused you. You didn't deserve it at all. The consequences I got when I lost you were enough for me to let you go and what happened last night was a part of it. Even though it wasn't my plan to get drunk and barge in like that, I'm still thankful that all is out now. I'm finally free from the burden inside me. I have decided to go back to Paris and never come back again. It's the least I can do for both of you and that means I can't attend your wedding as well. I'm just scared that everything will come back again if I see you getting married so this is the best solution. Yeri was right, I shouldn't have come in the first place but I think that was because I wanted to see you for the last time again. You were my best friend and you still are but unfortunately, everything has its ending and I'm afraid this is ours. Our history will always have a special place in my heart and I thank you so much for being a part of it. Please make a much better history with Lisa. You deserve each other and I'm glad she's the person you're gonna spend your forever with. Be happy always :)

Thank you for bringing me back home. I will always love you, Ten.

Y/n

••••••••••

The Breakup Playlist

Masterlist

#kpop imagines #nct imagines #nct sceanrios #nct fluff #nct drabbles #nct #wayv #ten #ten x reader #idol x reader #wayv ten #nct ten #Spotify

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anarmorofwords · 3 years

Text

so because of all the music talk today I thought i'll finally share my Matthew playlist, ft. a selection of some particularly fitting lyrics etc. - inspired by @itsjusta-j-really's format I'm just putting them under the cut (also because there's A Lot)

warning: many songs on this playlist deal with heavy topics, such as addiction, suicidal thoughts etc., so please keep that in mind

also, you might cry, I'm not sorry

gonna tag @thepictureofsdr @underestimatedgenius too because you like Matthew so maybe you'd be interested

false confidence - Look at you all dressed up for someone you never see// You're here for a reason but you don't know why (...) Don't let those demons in again// I fill the void up with polished doubt, fake sentiment// Surrender yourself

redemption - Father, help me, do you understand?// All my life, I've been a wicked man// Show me mercy and comfort me// I need to find redemption (...) I've never been this far from peace// I'm disappearing out of reach again

achilles come down - I'll just say read this post

spirits - I got guns in my head and they won't go// spirits in my head and they won't go (...) I'll be a dreamer 'til the day I die// and they say, oh, how the good die young?

I'll be good - I thought I saw the devil, this morning// Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue (...) My past has tasted bitter for years now (...) I've been cold, I've been merciless// But the blood on my hands scares me to death// Maybe I'm waking up today

comfort crowd - This hurt that I'm holding's getting heavy// but I'ma keep a smile on my shoulders 'til I'm sweaty (...) Telling you, "I'm fine I don't really need nobody"// but you say through a sigh// that I said that lie already

broken - If you see the boy I used to be// could you tell him that I'd like to find him// and if you see the shell that's left of me// could you spare him a little kindness *sobs*

dancing with the devil - It's just a little red wine, I'll be fine (...) // twisted reality, hopeless insanity// I told you I was okay, but I was lying

when you wash your hair - You did some things that you forgot// drinking wine and smoking pot// you tried to be someone you are not

the fire - 'Cause I've been a devil, I've been a saint// somebody help me, I can't change (...) Ashes in the cold, now I'm running toward the fire// (Runnin' toward, runnin' toward the fire)

mad world - all around me are familiar faces// worn out places, worn out faces (...) And I find it kind of funny// I find it kind of sad// the dreams in which I'm dying// are the best I've ever had

four - *inhales**cries* In this game of hide and seek// I can't help but think that ordinary has swallowed the key// bodies fashioned out of dirt and dust// for a moment we get to be glorious (...) Maybe my heart needs to break to be sure (...) I lost my balance when I needed it most (...) I'm stuck swimming in shadows down here// it's been forever since I came up for air

unsteady - Mama, come here// approach, appear// daddy, I'm alone// 'cause this house don't feel like home (...) whoa, if you love me, don't let go// Hold, hold on, hold onto me// 'cause I'm a little unsteady

ready to go - Jackie's just 17, and hard to please (...) You don't know what she's seen, or where she's been// The devil's dancing toe to toe// when the reaper comes, I'll be ready to go

the show must go on - The show must go on, yeah// inside my heart is breaking// my makeup may be flaking// but my smile, still, stays on (...) another heartache, another failed romance, on and on// does anybody know what we are living for?

tortured soul - Whiskey taste is on my breath// part of me is scared to death// what if I told you the truth? One more sip for a tortured soul// your diggin' my heart in deeper hole// and a thousand thoughts going through my mind

icarus - look who's digging their own grave// That is what they all say; you'll drink yourself to death (...) Icarus is flying too close to the sun// and Icarus' life, it has only just begun (...) Standing on the cliff face, highest fall you'll ever grace// it scares me half to death// look out to the future, but it tells you nothing

perfect places - every night, I live and die// feel the party to my bones (...) meet somebody, take 'em home// let's kiss and then take off our clothes (...) meet somebody, take 'em home// let's kiss and then take off our clothes

sinners - I'll be drinking late with you// until the morning comes around (...) Yeaaah, I must be good for something// yeaaah, yeaah, yeah// oh sinners come down, come gather 'round (...) Drinking gin and dropping lines// wasting beats in this heart of mine// until the morning comes around

monster - If you knew the truth, you'd probably hate me// (...) I need a fight// I've got you, in my sights// only one of us will make it out alive// I'm turning into a monster // My tongue is a weapon and I'm locked and loaded (...) Delirium takes over me// you're just another casualty

play with fire - Insane, inside the danger gets me high// Can't help myself got secrets I can't tell (...) Fire, fire // I've always liked to play with fire// oh, watching as the flames get higher

monster - Ever since I could remember, Everything inside of me, Just wanted to fit in (oh, oh, oh) I was never one for pretenders (...) Everything I touch isn't dark enough// If the problem lies in me

#matthew fairchild #the last hours #tlh #spotify #lol anyway this playlist is pain but i love it #chain of iron #chain of gold #the shadowhunter chronicles

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witnessourescape · 3 years

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On Omega's "failed messiah" symbolism

How can the murderer robot from outer space be something like a Messiah?

In this post, I'll take a look at Omega's design, Omega's themes and Omega's battles.

1. On Omega's designs:

First we must understand that FFXIV Omega's designs are full of angelic/divine symbolism, but it isn't something we normally see in-game as we're too worried about larboard/starboard to pay attention. They feature feathers and wings everywhere. I'll put some examples here.

(Look at the Ω on that forehead!)

The best, greatest design is Final Omega.

With its six arms and upper half that looks like a seated person, it reminds me of Avalokiteśvara, the Thousand-Armed and Thousand-Eyed Bodhisattva of mercy.

Final Omega features a three-part halo that unites to "download" its body, like the christian Holy Trinity that's both three persons and one person at the same time.

How can a being like Final Omega signify salvation?

Just look at how many robed hands are trying to climb its body! I love that tiny little hand under its chin :) It's something that we couldn't see normally but messing with the models allows us to.

So we have Beetle Form that is elegant, full of silver and black feathers; Omega-M and Omega-F feature feathers and wings on their designs, and Final Omega itself is a legit bodhisattva, almost drowning in the sea of people trying to climb it to safety. Final Omega's face has some kind of shellshock expression -- a thousand-yard stare in a serious face. It has seen a lot of suffering and it is swimming in a sea of suffering.

2. On Omega's musical themes:

I've talked about From the Heavens in a previous post. I'll do it again here, but first I want to say that the expression "from the heavens" can both mean "Omega crashing onto Hydaelyn" and "Jesus' Second Coming", which isn't a stretch because Omega declares its Second Coming in-game. I'll get to that soon.

First, we got From the Heavens:

Our shadows lost in light, this life A fleeting kiss Hark! Temptation rings! Virtue slips through hands a-clenching wicked fruit Passion festers, black’ning sinless souls to root Sink’neath dark waters Drink deep, we suffer Drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning Irons sundered Paradise plundered Come welcome this Come welcome this Destiny Virtue slips through hands a-clenching wicked fruit Passion festers, black’ning sinless souls to root Sickles grate on heaven’s gate their fields ignored Seeking sinners deathlessly they reap discord As two become one Here ends this, our journey Never-ending, onward march! Witness our escape This our escape, this our escape This our escape, this our escape This our escape, this our ascension

Which is clearly a description of a Calamity related to hubris, the "blackening of souls", sin, temptation, and so on. The people singing it attain ascension in the very end, eScaping from the calamity. Who are those people? Those shadowless people that lost their shadows in the light?

The most interesting part is that it's sung in first person plural, ends with an ascension, and then comes eScape, which is sung in first person singular:

A drifting tender Come ride, heroes, ride Her galleon severed Away with the tide The stormheads gather Come ride, heroes, ride Illusions scattered Away with the tide Why Do weathered warriors wander their way whither wanting wonders wait Hark the heralds, anchors aweigh! Hither happens mine escape Freedom forgone, sinking apace. Comets crumble, Phoebus fades Under cosmic clamor decayed, hides a path untaken Ancient echoes Come ride, heroes, ride In deafening silence Away with the tide A wave of hazard Come ride, heroes, ride A-whorling inward Away with the tide Time Stellar stories starward bestrewn, slipping sidewise, see, they're snakes Twixt the leaves you'll find naught amiss—missing aughts and crossing fates Freedom surgent shifting ahead, comets dancing in her wake To the cosmic clarion's accord, along the path not taken Try, dare the dead tread ahead on a road that is borrowed design, Through the sum of their sons do they seek tomorrow Tonight, witness then as the end shall begin what was final Their lies, folding back, further back, ever back to the primal

Most of it is Omega's -- the people who ascended in the end of From the Heavens? -- escaping from a calamity. The "mine escape" means it's Omega itself singing it. The last part takes a break from describing the escape and turns to tell about how the calamity was felt: the dead walking ahead on a road that is borrowed -- not theirs --, seeking "tomorrow" through their descendants.

The end begins what is final: the cycle of birth and destruction and the Alpha and the Omega.

Their lies -- whose lies? -- fold back to the beginning. Could it be the ones that also lied in Invincible?

Lasciate Ogne speranza These memories ache with the weight of fate Ever we fight Never we fly Ever we fall Forever we fall Now breathe deep of the darkness beneath the flood Where all of the proud angels drink to their deeds of blood Their lies, twisted and torn, into dreams they're spun Yet ever we still stand tall Invincible Never we fall

Now that we've seen that Omega is an angelic being/bodhisattva with a backstory of Calamities and of having failed to protect its people, let's go to what it says through its fights.

3. On Omega's battles

The arena for Alphascape 4.0 is called Creation, Omega does a Genesis imitation where it becomes man and woman from another one's image instead of creating them from its own image -- while constantly creating life during the raid series --, and Alphascape 3.0 (Savage) got some surreal name attacks such as MRV Missile Kyrios, Long Needle Kyrios, Wave Cannon Kyrios, Condensed Wave Canon Kyrios and Guided Missile Kyrios, all while in Pantokrator Mode.

Wikipedia: Kyrios appears about 700 times in the New Testament, usually referring to Jesus. Wikipedia: In Christian iconography, Christ Pantocrator (Greek: Χριστὸς Παντοκράτωρ)[1] is a specific depiction of Christ. Pantocrator or Pantokrator, usually translated as "Almighty" or "all-powerful", is derived from one of many names of God in Judaism.

In Alphascape 4.0 Savage, when it changes phases, Omega goes:

Omega: Experiment concluded. I am the Alpha. I am the Omega. Wikipedia: Alpha (Α or α) and omega (Ω or ω) are the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet, and a title of Christ and God in the Book of Revelation. Book of Revelation 22:13: I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

Omega's enrage in Alphascape 4.0 Savage is:

Omega: <blip> <bleeeeeep> Witness...my coming... I bring...reward...and retribution...for all! Book of Revelation 22:12: Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done.

The text in Japanese makes it even clearer that Omega is quoting the Book of Revelation:

A Japanese translation for Rev 22:13 and 22:13: 見よ、わたしはすぐに来る。報いを携えて来て、それぞれの行いに応じて報いる。わたしはアルファであり、オメガである。 Romaji: Mite yo, watashi wa sugu ni kuru. Mukui wo tazusaete kite, sorezore no okonai ni ōjite mukuiru. Watashi wa arufa de ari, omega de aru. Japanese text: ワタシはアルファであり、オメガである！/ ガガ……ガガガガガガ……見よ、ワタシはすぐに来る……！報いを……携え……それぞれに……報いを……！ Romaji: Watashi wa arufa de ari, omega de aru! / Gaga… gagagagaga… Mite yo, watashi wa sugu ni kiru! Mukui wo… tazusae… sorezore ni… mukui wo…! Direct translation: I am the Alpha and the Omega! / Gaga… gagagagaga… Behold, I come quickly! Rewards (direct object)… I bring… To all… Rewards (direct object)…! My translation: I am the Alpha and the Omega! / <blip><bleep>… And, behold, I come quickly! … And my reward… to give every man… shall be…! Official text: I am the Alpha. I am the Omega. <blip><bleeeeeep>Witness…my coming… I bring…reward…and retribution… for all!

Why is Omega literally Christ in the XIV universe, then?

If you look at my previous post, I theorize Omega was created to halt the Apocalypse. In a way, Omega sounds like a failed mechanic messiah: created as hope for its people, it failed to save them from not one but two calamities -- the Final Days themselves and the Sundering -- and ended up not even dying with them, but being one of the four survivors along with the three Unsundered: Elidibus, Emet-Selch and Lahabrea. Christ died for the sins of all humanity, came back to life, ascended to the heavens and made his second coming from the heavens; Omega at first ascended in a weird way -- two or more people becoming Omega, maybe, like sacrifices were required to summon Zodiark and Hydaelyn? --, and then did not die, and made its second coming for nothing, saving no one.

Or did it die in a way?

Why does Omega first appears before you as a rusty, old Level Checker? Like it was underwater for some time -- drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning; drink deep of the darkness beneath the flood --, like the First's Amaurot...?

Thanks for reading! :)

#omega #ffxiv

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mxrstar · 3 years

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[ID: the image appears to be a sunset, but there are clouds and mountains fading in and out on both side of the horizon. on the left of the setting sun, it says: "tomorrow comes anyway" / end ID]

TOMORROW COMES ANYWAY

[a playlist for rainy days, with described day-dreams for each song under the cut]

Smile — Mikko Ekko

you are in a bar, or a bedroom, or a field, or maybe a car.

your best friends are there, and you are tired. your night is supposed to be over. this song comes up on the radio, and after the first lines, someone looks up. slowly, you all start singing. ‘the worst is yet to come’ you scream, from the top of your lungs, and though it may not be true, part of you believes it. ‘the future is forever, so smile,” you say, and you believe that, too.

your friends smile back.

A Complete List of Fears Ages 5-28 (aprox) — The Yellow Dress

you have just finished reading your favorite book for the first time, and- you know that weird, soft burst of energy that hits when words line up your life in such a way that the keyhole of the worst door in your heart lines up with the sky? and you think that perhaps this time you can open it and let light in? that’s what you are feeling right now.

the song says there’s gonna be another day, and maybe, if you weren't feeling like this. you'd object, say: are you sure? does it matter?

right now, you leave it at that. for once, it feels like it's enough.

Don’t Stop — Fleetwood Mac

you are on a couch, about to fall asleep. someone is holding you, or maybe you are holding someone. it’s been a bad night, but not the worst you have had.

at some point, your friend starts moving their thumb up and down, caressing your skin. maybe their hand is on your cheek, maybe it’s on your arm, maybe on your leg. you won’t remember in the morning, but you will often think back to how warm it felt. when people ask you "if you could go back to a peaceful memory, where would you go?" you always answer with this.

Float On — Modest Mouse

you are alone in a park, laying on the grass. it’s spring, and you can feel it in the air. there are children laughing, and people talking, but not so many that it’s annoying.

you feel safe. you sing along to the words, eyes shut, hands closed into fists. nothing bad will happen to me today, you think, and nothing will. you write about it in your diary when you come home at night, even though there’s not much to say. you circle the date and the month, and draw a lopsided heart right beside it. you add the name of the song, Float On, to make sure you'll remember why.

World Spins Madly On — The Weepies

something bad happened. you are in a waiting room, or in a bedroom, or maybe in a bus. a person you love sits beside you, and they are listening to music. they hand you one of their headphones, as if to say ‘want to listen along for a while?’

you do. this song is playing. the person you love sings it quietly, and they have a beautiful voice.

it’s comforting. it doesn’t solve anything, but you are not looking for solutions.

'thank you,' you say, and they take your hand into theirs.

Can’t Go Back Now — The Weepies

you are at a party with a lot of people from your past. some of them you have forgotten, or your affection for them has faded, but none of them is a bad person. none of them truly hurt you.

at some point, during a quiet moment, this song plays in the background. there’s only two people who know the lyrics: you, and a friend that you used to care about tremendously. you haven’t talked to them in ages, but you lock eyes as you sing along, and it feels meaningful. it feels true.

you hope they are okay. you don’t know if you’ll have the courage to ask them, but even if you don’t, you think that this is enough. you both love each other, even after all those years.

Almost Made It — Racoon

something important and yet forgettable in the sum of your life went wrong. you lost a good job opportunity, but you have not-terrible alternatives. you came fourth place to a contest that has prices for the first three. you were turned down by someone you hoped would like you back. you failed a difficult exam. anything on that note.

someone brings you home, and this song comes on the radio. they know the lyrics, you don’t. when the songs start, it’s so on the nose that you both end up laughing. but then the person with you gets so fucking into it, and starts performing it like it’s a concert or something. it’s funny. sincerely so.

you ask them “can you stay with me? at least for this afternoon” and they say yes. of course.

Epitaph For My Heart — The Magnetic Fields

you just broke up with someone you love, or lost a friend, and you are with a good stranger.

you met them in a pub, or maybe online, or in class or at work. you don’t know them well, but they are attractive, and they make you feel comfortable, and they respect all your boundaries.

wherever you are, this song comes on. “oh, this is one of my favorites,” they tell you.

if you like dancing, then you are dancing with them when this happens. if you don’t, you are sitting somewhere, and they sway in place, mouthing along to the words.

what matters is: they are very charismatic. you start moving/dancing/singing, too, and discover that you can be charismatic, too.

you like the music. at some point, you forget what the words say.

I Have Made Mistakes — Oh Hellos

you are about to fall asleep, and faint music is playing from your phone. you are having trouble calming yourself down, but then this song plays.

it has been a very, very tiring day. for the first time since you woke up, you let yourself acknowledge it. you feel like you should be proud of yourself, and you are right to think so.

before the song is over, you fall asleep. you won't have nightmares, and you'll dream of butterflies.

Never Quite Free — Mountain Goats

you are on a train, or maybe on a bus. perhaps you are walking, or looking outside the window of a plane.

you are going home, but it’s a new kind of home. something that you are just starting to build, that still feels like a discovery every time you step into it.

sometimes it’s hard to remember that healing isn’t linear, and so part of you wonders if it will still be home, when you wake up sweating in the middle of the night, thinking that you don’t belong, that there’s some price you must pay to exist wherever you are.

but this song is here to tell you: yeah. yeah, it still is home. it doesn’t have to feel like that all the time, but it’ll wait for you, patiently, with open arms, when you are ready to call it refuge again.

This Too Shall Pass — Danny Schmidt

you hear this song live. it’s a group of people singing it on the side of a street. there’s four of them, and they all—they all believe this. they all believe in what the song says. you don’t know why you can tell, but you can.

it feels magical. people stop beside you, and—god, you think you all believe this, too.

and so you are standing there, in a place that you know well, with people you don’t recognise, and you feel life moving around you, and know, deep inside your heart, that this too, whatever this is, shall pass.

Ghost Of Corporate Future — Regina Spektor

you are washing the dishes after dinner, or doing something equally as tedious, and put music on to distract yourself. this song is what plays last, when you are almost done.

it’s a Saturday, and it has been a hard day cause you never feel like you have enough energy to do something you enjoy. as the song plays, though, you remember about a movie you have been wanting to watch for ages, and, for some reason, you feel suddenly excited. you want to see it, and you know you have people to talk about it with. slowly, you realise that you can’t wait to.

your smile grows as the song ends, and you rush to your room to get your computer and watch the movie.

(turns out, it’s very good. a new favorite. you live-blog it to your friends, and your jokes make them laugh)

Not The End Of The World (Even as We Know It) — Faded Paper Figures

the people you love most sit in front of you on a table. some of them are cooking, and those that are cooking put on this song to sing it.

it’s the only one they all know the words to.

they perform it like they are in a theater and you and your other friends are the audience. they make quite a mess, screaming the lyrics in each other’s faces with everything fragile still held loosely in their hands.

you look at them in awe.

eventually, you get up to hug them. one of them kisses your cheek, and hugs you so tightly they raise your feet from the ground, or maybe they shake your shoulders playfully. do something, anything that makes you feel alive.

you have a whole night ahead of you. you know it'll be beautiful.

No Brakes — Pigeon Pit

two people who are in love with each other are arguing about music. one of them says you have to listen to this song, okay? it’s so good. the other keeps arguing that they just don’t like the genre, okay?

it goes on for a while, and it’s endearing. eventually, the first person puts on this song. the other tries so bad to hate it, but when the music comes to an end, and the singer says I’m going to wake up tomorrow, whatever it takes they smile. it's a wide smile, open and sunny, and it's one that simply can't go unnoticed.

their partner screams in victory, then rushes to hug them. see!!! they say, i knew you’d like it!!!

then they turn towards you. what did i say? they go, i told you this was gonna be a success!

and you know what? they did. they did tell you, and you are happy for them. you high-five them, and their partner laughs.

This Year — The Mountain Goats

it’s new year’s eve. not a particularly good one, but not a terrible one, either.

you remember how everyone talks about this song, you remember the singer saying that around new year’s, much more people seem to listen to it. you wonder: who else is blasting it in their apartment right now? even if they are alone, and maybe especially if they are?

there must be more than you can visualise, sitting on their couch with their tv on mute and their phone opened on this one song.

some of them must be good people. you are not in this together, not really, cause you can’t reach them, but you are not in this entirely alone, either. not in a way that matters. not in a way that counts.

we are all going to make it through this year, you think. we have to.

I Know The End — Phoebe Bridgers

it’s today, or tomorrow, or ten years from now, and you are scared, but not in a way that hurts.

you are scared as background noise, cause you can’t tell, can’t know what will happen now.

and maybe the end is here, maybe something is about to fall, and there’s not much you can do about it.

you listen to this song, though, wherever you are now or will be in the future, and you think you like the music. you like that someone sat down and wrote it.

it’s not enough, but you make it be. just for now. just for a while.

#music #playlists #nice things #sometimes i talk #this was fun!!

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neoculturetechxgot7 · 5 years

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WayV// The Flight Journal:

|| Lucas ||

gang!au (can't tell yet but it's coming in the next chapters:)

pairing: Lucas × Reader

words: around 2k

warnings: suggestive, language

summary: Lucas left lovebites on your neck and bruises on your heart.

[00:02 AM]

Your cheek lays flat against his back, the leather jacket cold and rough, infused with his dark aura and musky scent. Lucas' red Ducati rolls smoothly on asphalt to have spring wind lick at your skin and leave a trace of midnight behind as your hands stay wrapped around his torso.

"Why can't I come with you?" He catches your sulky tone but absolutely misses to see the little shards of hurt in your voice.

He is about to disappear, again, like he's been doing ever since you met him and unknowingly dived head-first in the pit of a painful love. You hate it. Hate every cold moment without him that makes it seem like you live days in the shade of an despaired eclipse, until he comes back.

His kisses blow stars into your lungs, his touch inks maps of the universe on your body, as if he means to claim your skin to infinity. Every night with him drowns loneliness in the sea of his warmth. You're sure Lucas is the only one that can lift you up to the high heavens, a destiny carved from the same dust that stars and planets are made of.

"You just can't."

But he also crushes your heart and leaves you bleeding love and broken promises after getting a taste of his absence.

"When are you coming back?" You try to hide the slight tremble in your voice, fail nonetheless

"l don't know, baby."

You always wonder if that answer is a lie. You always wonder many things, like where he goes when ne rides that damn motorcycle and leaves a void on your bed and a knife in your chest. Each time you dare to speak that question out loud though, you are faced with a wall, thick and sturdy with his secretive nature.

You even wonder if he truly feels anything or if you're just a trophy solely to decorate his nights with breathy moans and forbidden kisses.

But the way his eyes peer into yours, lovestruck, even through the secrets, will never let you believe that.

[00:29 AM]

The bike abruptly comes to a halt on gasoline stained concrete and an indiscreet smell makes your nose twitch. Lucas swiftly takes off his helmet and jumps to the ground, his skin tainted drunken crescent from the gas station's neon sign. With eyes that seem darker than night itself, luring you to unravel the mystery behind them, he leans close and meets your impatient lips under the stars. It's a hasty peck but his softness never fails to make the blood in your veins boil, heart skiping one or two beats at the contact

As he pumps gas in the almost inaudible music coming from the store behind, you stand observing the empty country road, its faded white lines setting an uncertain melancholy in your chest. You can hear a clock ticking faintly in the back of your mind, counting crooked seconds to the moment you'll wake up alone on one side of the bed, the only remain of him being the dip his head left on an empty pillow

Thinking about it, you can never find the right words to describe your relationship.

What you have with him is indefinable. It is him texting you he's away and then shutting you off, ignoring every call, every message, as if you don't exist in this world and he's solely a memory to you. It is him showing up on your doorstep 2 weeks later later, spilling out the sweetest part of his soul and caging you in a searing embrace until your heart's wounds are all healed. It is meaningful midnight conversations and slow, passionatee goodbye kisses; you never know how long these goodbyes will last though... Dusk finds you soaked in his intoxicating scent and dawn finds tears pooling on your sheets.

It is you, giving your absolute everything and Lucas, hiding an entire life, fleeing away for days and then coming back to trap your breath in a million thirsty kisses. He never tells you anything about him, never shares more than what you're unsatisfied with, never let's you take a glimpse of what his reality is like, only makes sure yours is filled with thoughts of him and his bittersweet taste on your lips.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice pulls you back to now.

You turn on your heels and watch him lean away from the motorcycle to stand before you within a few steps.

"Nothing." You nonchalantly answer, a lie.

Eyes locking yours like he's trying to pin your spirit to his own thoughts, an endless abyss holding you captive, he sneaks one arm around your waist. Cool fingertips caress your cheek so lovingly, leaving trails of moonlight behind and for a moment you wonder if all of this is the haze of a dream

But it's not, it's real, he is real.

Tender lips brush over yours like so many forsaken times in the past, only that this once his kiss feels bitter and makes an ache arise in your chest. It means he'll leave again, you can tell by the way his tongue is desperately trying to save your taste.

A pitiful act of a lover that doesn't want to forget.

"Let's go home then." He says and you break to pieces, knowing the irony behind this one sentence.

[02:39 AM]

Your bare back is flush against his chest hearing Lucas' heartbeat and feeling every breath as the pad of his finger paints a little masterpiece on your stomach with soft strokes. The air is steaming with the fumes of late night and whatever's left of your love making, sheets damp and heavy over your exhausted bodies.

He leaves a golden kiss on your shoulder, something precious, and you turn on your side to find his gaze skim your body with icy touches and him, biting a plump lip like a sinner.

"I could do this forever." He says and your response comes out as a genuine chuckle.

"You sounded like an asshole."

Lucas sprinkles two gentle pecks on your forehead and you can feel his smile on your skin, making you delirious.

"I wasn't talking about sex." His eyes are deep, the nest of all the angelic grace. "I meant laying here, with you."

Maybe he lit a fire on your sheets with those words or maybe the heat of the moment is unbearable, but either way, an overwhelming warmth starts spreading from the bottom of your chest to your fingertips, so comforting.

You can do this forever too. Stay tangled under white cotton and sweat, bodies stuck skin to skin as if you melted into each other long ago, and hold on to that orange euphoria only his presence can bring you. Feathery touches, dirty whispers, drunk confessions and the purest of love.

Maybe this can be your future and spend every night sinking in those moments of affection, two souls intertwined.

But this can never happen, can it?

You hum, hurtful thoughts letting their venom seep into your mind, and lay back into the plush mattress. Your fingers squeeze his palm, a silent prayer to those above to let him stay by your side, to cut the flow of time so that you don't have to see your heart ripped out brutally again, like countless times before.

He shuffles around and tightens his grip on your bare waist.

"I hate leaving you." His voice echoes, cutting the silence deep, as if your thoughts had reached his ears.

"W-What?" You hesitate to believe, every word falling on the messy bed like a missile, because there is no way he means that after all those nights he allowed miles to separate you

"I said, I hate leaving you."

A knot ties your breath to your throat and you swallow, as if that will make the suffocating tension a little lighter, feeling your heart racing.

"Then why do you leave me?"

The weight of every memory without him pushes traces of tears to gloss your eyes, threatening to spill and release everything you've been holding deep inside with them.

Lucas keeps silent. His gaze can't bare to linger on you anymore, moving out the window, to the dome of night sky where stars shine a dull white.

"Because l have to, baby."

You can feel agony nip at the edges of your brain, struggling to find words to plea him, make this night different.

"Just this once, don't." Your whisper caresses him like a ghost.

Lucas kisses you, deep and burning with hidden emotions, his lips like two unstoppable serpents, their only mission being to drink every last drop of you. His thigh props between your legs, allowing him to hover above you like a saviour, fallen from heaven, his halo lost after loving you so passionately. Your lungs are drained of oxygen, pulsing with red and blue flames that he breathes into you with this kiss, as if he's the only who can truly give you life. And maybe he is, since the world is long forgotten when his arms eradicate the last bits of distance between your bodies and he slips under the covers one last time.

[09:10 AM]

You wake up, head banging with the daze of a flowery dream, last night's deeds tattooed on every curve of your star painted body in purple, his hoarse voice staining your memory. Sun's beams wrap around your hair, as you slowly flutter tired eyelashes open, vision still blurry with sleep's last breaths, as your hand reaches to the side. Only to grasp morning air and icy sheets.

He left. Again.

You're all alone in the eternal emptiness of your room, and thank god for that, because no man could ever bare to hear the sad, ominous crack of your heart as it breaks down into a thousand sharp shards scattered all across the floor, waiting for a breeze to lift them and lead them back to him where they belong.

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jinxthequeergirl · 5 years

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My Sweet dream and lullaby

Quentin smith x reader

Summary: Quentin never told you why his sleep habits where the way they where but you quickly see part of why and jump to help him

Requested by anaon: Request for anything that lets Quentin get a good nights rest

This request right here☝☝it's my kink tbh

Warning: none

~~~~~~~

It was no secret that Quentin got little to no sleep and ocasinall cat naps here and there where clearly not good enough.

He was the nicest person to you when you moved into town and soon enough became your best friends. So of course it bothered you that he for starters never told you why he refused to sleep and that the lack of sleep made him misryible.

"Hey Qen!" you stood up from your streches when you saw him sitting on the blechers as soon as you called his name he snapped out of his transe and pretends like he was looking at anything but you before you stood up.

You smiled and crossed the track to meet him. "Not participating today?" you hoisted yourself up on to the bleachers next to him and he chuckled. "Not after what happened last week."

You shrugged and looked out at the rest of your class. "Maybe you should start-"

"To sleep more offten then I wouldn't pass out from exhausten?" he finished your sentence with a sly smile you looked at him with an unimpressed look. "Oh you know me so well smith."

"I like to think so."

"Ah! Then tell me why I came to chat?"

You leaned into him with a pressing look he smiled and leaned back and stared into your eyes for a while melting into there color the tenstion in him melted away too. He found himself doing that more offten and he wasn't sure why you where just so..so."Well?"

He hummed lightly in response at first then quickly realised what he was doing. "Yea!...Uh right it's obviously...because you missed me ya know having to go run a mile while I sit up here."

You stuck your tounge out at him and pushed his face away. "You wish! I wanted to tell you I can't make it to that movie tonight."

He frowned. "Oh?..."

"Yea sorry I have to house sit for my parents...actually!" you turned to him excitedly grabbing his arm. "Why dont you come over instead!?"

"Wh..what?"

"We can rent a movie and make dinner there!"

"I..I dunno..."

"(l/n) lets go! I don't think you passed out last week lets go go go!"

You rolled your eyes at your coach and rubbed quentin shoulder lightly. "I'll give you the adress after class ok?"

Before he could answer you hopped down the bleachers and ran onto the track with the rest of your gym class.

Quentin stood outside of your house nervously waiting for you to answer.

Suddenly the front door swung open with you looking like a disater. "Hey! Come in!"

"Hey...are you-" she shut the door behind him and ran to the kitchen to answer the fire alarms whinning.

"No No no!"

He followed you to the kitchen and tried to hold back a laugh. You looked over at him as he inevidly failed. "I'm glad you find this funny dummy!"

"No I...I don't. I dont i swear! what happened!?"

She sigh as the fire alarm stopped. "I tried to make you dinner...."

He continued to laugh as he stepped in and started cleaning up. "Why dont I help you clean and we can order in?"

You grabbed a towl and whiped the food off your face. "That would be nice!"

Soon enough the both of you where sat in the couch watching a movie with good and snacks scattered in front of you.

Quentin felt himself slipping into a tierd state. "Hey imma clean up a bit and grab some desert." He nodded after you got up and vanished into the next room.

He lied his head back on the couch and let his eye lids weigh down over his eyes until he was asleep.

"Quentin!..."

"(Y/n)?" he stood in your house but duller and colder. "(y/n) where are you?"

"Q...quentin...whe..where are you help me..."

He quickly ran through the house to find you. And did in fact do so.

"Holy shit...(y/n)...what happened!?"

"He found me quen...Why wouldn't you tell me..." He found you on the floor with four long claw marks raked across your face and your body. "Im sorry I just wanted you to be safe...please please (y/n)..."

"I'm dying because of you.." he fell to his knees beside you unsure of what to do or how to help. "No...No No I'm sorry.."

"Sorry won't cut it. Has after you now."

He froze when a familiar sound of knives rubbing together came from behind him. "Miss me!?"

He let out a horrified scream and crawled back into a corner as Freddy advancide twords him.

"Quentin wake up! QUENTIN!" He jolted awake in panic breathing hevily taking in his surroundings until his eyes landed on you. "Qen what happened?"

He burst into tears and held you tightly. "I'm so sorry I...I..."

"Hey...Hey shh. Shh. Tell me what happened."

"He..he was there and and you..you where-" he choked up and cried some more. "Quentin. Quentin look at me..." you took his face in your hands and rubbed his tears away. "It was just a dream I'm here." You kissed his cheeks in between your scentence.

"And I'm not going anywhere ok? Just a dream." you finished with planting a soft kiss on his lips. "It's over now...

He chased your lips as you pulled away and pecked your lips a few more times before falling into your arms.

"Your ok now..." you ran your fingers through his curly locks and leaned back to lay down as he rested his head on your chest.

"Stop your crying it'll be alright take my hand hold it tight I will protect you from all around you don't you cry..."

You continued to play with his curls as he neseled into you more. "Keep singing?.." you hummed in response and continued to sing.

"Cause' you'll be in my heart! Yes you'll be in my heart, from this day on forever more..."

Before you knew it he was fast asleep.you shighed menovering to get comfy waking him slightly. "Please Don't leave me..."

You kissed his forhead and shut your eyes. "I'm not going anywhere just go back to sleep..."

He nodded sleepily and dozed off again right before you did.

"Well if it isn't Mr. Quentin smith you're looking well rested this morning. He smiled at jesse as he shut his locker. "Yea actually I am." He looked past him and smiled at you from down the hall.

#quentin smith x reader #dead by daylight x reader #dbd #nightmare on elm street x reader #horror movie x reader #quentin smith

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bizarrewritings-blog · 6 years

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Knock Hard Life / Pt. 4

Bucky Barnes x reader

Being the new one is always problematic. Being the new one while thirsting over a new companion is even more problematic, especially when he shows no interest at all towards you.

Warnings: slight smut (blink and you'll miss it), Angst

A/N: The next part will be the last one sooo hope you enjoy this!

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5

The following night was rough. You've been tossing your body around the sheets for at least 3 hours resisting to fall asleep. You sighed heavily, sitting up and rubbing your palms over your face. Since you moved you always slept perfectly, the comfiness of the mattress lulling you to sleep easily. But even the softest sheets didn't bring you to doze off.

You turned on your bedsite lamp, picking up your favorite book from its place on the nightstand. Maybe this would help you to get a little sleepy. Making yourself comfortable against the headbord you started reading, almost immediately feeling in your own little world where only you and the story the pages infront of you pictured existed. You had no idea for long how you've been reading until a noise ripped you out of your trance, making you flinch. It was a knock at your door. Confused, you looked at the clock. 2:26 am. "Come in." You called, closing the book on your lap, still suspicious why someone would be up this time. Your features softened when a nervous looking Bucky took a step in your room. He wore a grey shirt to his sweatpants this time. Sadly.

"What's up Buck?" You asked, puzzled why he kept his gaze at the floor. You really thought he was finally over the 'I won't look at you' phase. "'M sorry for bothering you." He murmured, something lingering in his voice that you couldn't quite name. You crossed your leg under your blanket to sit up straighter, putting your book back on your nightstand. "You're not bothering. What's wrong?" He run a hand through his hair, his gaze still on his feet which were nervously scratching your grey carpet. "I normally go to Steve with stuff like this but...I walked by and your lights were on, and the talk we had in the kitchen was nice, so i thought... i don't know, if you want to...maybe I shouldn't have come..." He was unbelievably adorable when he was all nervous, but you really wanted him to form his thoughts into proper sentences. "If you want to talk, we can." That's when his gaze finally lifted from his feet to you. His eyes were a little puffy and red, the usual sparkling blue in his eyes turned to a cloudy grey. You gave him a sad smile, shifting a little to the side, petting the sheet to your left, telling him to sit down. He walked over to your bed slowly, sitting at the edge of the mattress. You giggled at his actions, making him throw a confused look at you. "You can sit on the bed normally, you know? You don't have to keep yourself so far from me." He only nodded, carefully taking his place beside you, making himself comfortable against the headboard as well. "Great. Now, talk." He took a breath before speaking. He told you about the nightmares he had for years, flashbacks of his years as The Winter Soldier, completely under another persons control. He talked about how the dreams where always different yet the same. Sometimes he would get pictured flashbacks of missions, the feared faces of people around him. Other times eveything would be a blurry imagine, but he heard the screaming, yelling, gunshots. And rarely he could feel the pain he went through everytime they messed with his brain, he even heard his own suffering screams.

You only looked at him while he talked, not saying anything. You wanted him to talk without being interrupted. When he finished you took all your confidence, carefully putting your hand in his flesh one, squeezing it lightly. He gave you a little confused look but didn't pull away. "I can never imagine the way you have to feel. It has to be absolutely horrific to be reminded of the things those bastards forced you to." You gave him a heart warming smile. "But you have to remember one thing. You're still here. You've made it through all of that and now you're here, being one of the toughest fighters the world has ever seen, with a group of friends everyone would love to have." He smiled brightly at your words, carefully squeezing your hand which still remained in his. "You're even better at these speeches than Steve." You both chuckled at that. The sound of his laugh spread warmth in your belly, it was such a beautiful thing to hear. You decided to be even bolder, shifting a little closer to him to lean your head on his shoulder. You felt him lightly tense again, his metal arm stirring lightly, but he relaxed soon after, making you sigh in relieve. None of you said anything, just enjoying each others company. You wanted to stay like this forever, the peaceful silence, the warmth of Buckys Hand around your own combined with the scent of him making your eyelids feel heavier by the second.

Bucky was the first to talk again. "Thank you, for all this. I hate bugging Steve all the time, waking him up and stuff, even if he says it's okay i still feel bad." You slightly nodded, you completely understood him. "I have to thank as well. You finally make me feel sleepy." You lifted your head from his shoulder to look at your alarm clock. 3:19 am. You really talked for almost an hour. You felt Bucky shift, his hand about to leave yours. "Maybe I should go then. But really, it was n-" "Wait." He stopped his movements, watching your face while you felt it going red. God you sounded really desperate there. "Y-You can stay if you want. You often stay at Steves as well right?" His eyebrows furrowed together in question. "How do you..." "Steve told me." You admitted. His face dropped a little, making it your turn to give him a questioned look. His gaze falling to his hand still intertwined with yours. "So you knew all of this and still had me explain it?" "No, no, i didn't know!" You instantly protested, fearing he might get mad at you for putting him through the misery of remembering all his dreams. You softly squeezed his hand, signaling him to look at you instead. His gaze met yours, a hurt expression on his face. "I promise, okay? He only told me you that when you had nightmares you would go to him to talk and sometimes staying there for the night. That's all. Really." Your eyes practically begged him to believe you. You didn't want him to go, you would do anything to convince him to stay. He took a breath before nodding. "Okay, okay. I'm...I'm sorry for accusing you like that." You sighed and shook your head. "It's alright, really." You ran your thumb over the back of his hand before lifting your gaze back to his eyes whose colour had returned to sparkling blue. "Stay, please." He smiled softly before nodding.

He stood up, the warmth of his hand leaving you. You shifted under your blanket to give him enough material to crawl under. After he joined you under the covers, laying on his back, he went full nervous again, you could almost see his rapid heartbeat trough the thin material of his shirt. You suppressed a chuckle but didn't accept that he wasn't at all close to you. With help of your new found confidence, wherever that came from, you lifted his arms and maneuvered yourself next to his body, your head on his chest. Now you could also hear his racing heart and you actually feared he might have a heart attack. He's an old man after all. "This okay for you?" You asked carefully as his heart didn't slow down. You feared you might have taken it too far. He answered by moving his flesh arm, which was laying somewhere behind your back until now, setting his hand at your hip, softly squeezing. You smiled at that, making yourself even more comfortable, soon after drifting off into your well deserved sleep.

Both of you actually slept longer that night, enjoying the comfort. What you didn't know was that at the same time you were the number one topic in the kitchen. "Has any of you seen Bucky?" Steve asked, nervously looking at Tony, Wanda and Sam. "Nope, barely see that guy." Sam shrugged. "His door is open and I usually always meet him here." The blonde stated, feared for his best friend. "Gym?" Wanda suggested. Steve just shook his head. "Already checked." "You know we have a AI in this house right?" Tony chuckled. "FRIDAY? Where is Barnes at the moment?" "Sergeant Barnes is asleep in Miss Y/L/Ns room." All four exchanged suprised glances. "Never thought Tin man would actually get laid." Tony laughed, Sam joining. Steve rolled his eyes with a smile. He was happy for you two but damn that went fast.

You woke up slowly, prying your eyes open to adjust to the dim light in your room. You tried to move but failed, something heavy keeping you in place. You turned your face, the glistening of metal catching your attention. Buckys left arm was draped around your waist, making you smile. Thank god it wasn't a dream. You managed to turn on your back, Buck immediately shifting even closer to you, pressing his body against your side with his face in your neck. You felt something hard against your thigh and gulped hard. Morning woods were awkward, but having Buckys pressed against you was torture. Suddenly the door swung open, making you jump. Steve entered the room, smiling wide. Bucky stirred in his sleep, slowly waking up with a mumbled "What the hell?"

"Good Morning, Lovebirds! I would've liked my best friend to tell me about this, but the AI took this job." Bucky and you both sat up, giving him a confused look. "What are you talking about?" The dark haired man rasped, the sleep still lingering in his voice. "Don't treat me like a goddamn fool, Buck. That between you two! I mean i knew you were meant for each other and as soon as Y/N told me she liked you I-" "STEVE!" You interrupted him with a shout, your eyes wide and entire face heating up. He shot you a confused glare before realizing. "Oh- You didn't...?" You let your head drop back against the headboard with a sigh. When you felt Buckys gaze you turned to look at him, Nervousness written over your face. "You like me?"

#knock hard life #bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #james buchanan barnes #marvel #fanfiction #fanfic #mcu #bucky fanfic #steve rogers #captain america #bizarrewritings

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