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#Reggie: you okay man?
bbreaddog · 11 months
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Alex unironically loves wicked sorry I don’t make the rules
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resident-gay-bitch · 2 months
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Regulus’ heart breaks as he stands there, just behind the willow tree, watching James and Sirius roll around on the grass, play fighting in their own little world.
Of course he left him. Of course James would pick Sirius over Regulus, wouldn’t everyone? Regulus has never been picked first. Not once.
Not by his parents, who ignored him throughout his entire childhood to focus on framing Sirius as the perfect son and heir.
Not by Sirius, who ran away, picking James to be his brother and not bothering to ask Regulus to tag along.
Not in team games, where students would pick through the class one by one, and Regulus would be one of the last few standing.
Not by his friends, who all would chose their partners, or the other people in the group first. He joined last, it’s only fair.
Not even by the lizard who inhabits his dorm room, who picks the three other boys to crawl over to first, every time.
And certainly not by James.
He thought, for once, the cycle might be broken. He thought, for once, someone would pick him first. He’d get chosen over someone else, just once.
He should have known better.
He should have known that the moment Sirius found out about he and James sneaking around in dark corridors and whispering sweet words to each other, James would have to pick.
He was foolish to think James would pick him over Sirius. He was foolish to think that James would pick him over anyone.
And as Lily, with her fiery red hair pulled back into braids, comes marching over to the boys, snatching James up by his collar and earning herself a cheek kiss, Regulus realises he should have seen that coming too.
Not even two weeks has passed since Regulus placed second to his brother, as he does in fucking everything, and James has already moved on.
Regulus would never be anyone’s first choice, he should have known better.
He knows better now.
It’s not until three months later that Regulus finally shatters from it. The crushing weight of never being enough, never being someone’s first choice.
It’s Slytherin against Ravenclaw for the quidditch cup, and there in the crowd, he spots his brother and James.
They’re decked out in silver and blue, and they don’t look at Regulus, not even once.
Barty finds him in the showers, once the entire teams cleared out. He’s dressed in a confusing mix of blue and green, for his own house and his friends.
Hes crying. Regulus doesn’t think he’s ever cried this hard before. The water is pouring down over his head, and he’s still fully dressed in his uniform.
Slytherin lost. He lost them the match, because he was more focused on trying to catch James or Sirius looking his way just once than getting the snitch. They didn’t, and he lost.
Barty clearly doesn’t know how to handle this. The lowest he’s ever seen Regulus would have been prior to an exam he stressed himself out about. Besides, Barty has always been a little awkward when handling emotions.
Regulus tries to tell him to leave him be, he really does. But his words get all chocked up in his throat and he can’t get out much more than a wail or a sob. It fucking hurts.
“What’s the matter, Black?” Barty asks, switching the water off before crouching down in front of him, “What’s got your knickers in a twist, hey?”
“I-I’ll never be… good enough.” Regulus confesses. He’s never said it out loud before. He’s not a vulnerable person, he doesn’t do this. He knows better than to let out his sob story to someone, they can hold it over him one day. But he can’t help himself, he finds. He needs to get it off his chest before it rips him open, “I’ll never… b-be enough.”
Barty’s silent for a while, clearly unsure of what to say. It only makes Regulus sob more. He pulls his knees up to his chest and hides his head in his hand, and he fucking cries. He’s sure if anyone’s still out side, they’d hear it, but Barty locked the door when he came in. At least that’s something.
“I can never be enough.” Regulus sobs again, and this time Barty kicks into action.
He’s still awkward about it, Regulus can tell, he probably has better things to do than listen to Regulus cry as well, which only makes this worse. He pushes Regulus’ sopping hair out of his face and pats his face dry with the end of his Slytherin scarf before hauling them both to their feet.
“Who told ya that?” Barty asks, pulling his wand out to try his hand at a drying spell. It mostly works, so Regulus can’t complain.
“I don’t have to be told something to know it, Barty.” Regulus sniffles, wiping his eyes. They sting, and he knows he looks terrible, but there’s no use in worrying about that now.
“Well… I think, if you haven’t been told, it can’t be true.” Barty shrugs, tucking his wand back in his pocket.
“Fine.” Regulus nods, “My entire fucking family has told me then, on several occasions.”
“Oh.” Barty stills, and he has a look on his face of utter confusion.
Regulus shakes his head and goes to walk for the door, but he winces when he puts pressure on his ankle. He fell on it weirdly, midway through the match when he was knocked off his broom. It didn’t bother him before, but it does now.
“You hurt?” Barty asks, and Regulus nods.
Silently, Barty reaches out and wraps his arm around Regulus’ waist. He flinches at first, startled by the slightly intimate touch, but then Barty pulls Regulus to shift his weight, and he relaxes into it a little. Together, they walk back across the field, Barty carrying Regulus’ broom, and half of Regulus’ weight, and make their way back to the castle.
It’s oddly silent.
It’s always quiet, between them. Regulus isn’t much of a talker, and when Barty runs out of stupid things to say he goes quiet and people watches. He usually watches Regulus, since they’re always together, something that took a while to get used to. Barty really likes to watch Regulus read, it makes him a little self conscious of any strange expressions he might be making.
But it’s a strange sort of quiet now. It’s silent. Regulus isn’t talking, not because he doesn’t want to, but because he feels ashamed for breaking down like that. He doesn’t just break down. Men don’t fucking break down. Especially not in front of people like that. He feels embarrassed that Barty found him.
Well, he’s grateful it was Barty over anyone else, seeing as though they’re supposed to be close friends, Merlin forbid Sirius found him. But it’s still uncomfortable.
The only friend any of them have that likes to talk about feelings is Pandora. Regulus assumed this was because she was a girl, at first, however, Dorcas doesn’t like talking about them either. Pandoras just strange like that, she cares about people in odd ways. Sometimes it’s nice, but mostly it’s terrifying.
Barty looks like he wants to talk. He also looks like he wants to watch Regulus, but every time he turns his head to do so he probably sees the red rimming of Regulus’ eyes and finds something much uglier than usual. It only makes Regulus feel all the more ashamed.
Barty starts whistling. It’s not his regular noise filling whistles either, it’s his uncomfortable whistling. He doesn’t want to be here, Regulus can tell. Merlin, he needs to get away.
“Going back to your dorm?” Barty asks as they round a corridor in the castle.
Regulus nods, “Is Evan-“
“He’s there.” Barty says, “Cas too… dunno about Dora, she’s always off with the fairies. If she’s not hugging Dorcas about their loss then I dunno where she is.”
Regulus goes tense, “I don’t want them to see me.”
Barty stops and swallows, “Okay… how about my dorm then? My roommates are all down by the lake. They snagged some firewhisky.”
“Okay.” Regulus agrees, because he has no where else to go.
Once settled in Barty’s dorm, Regulus changes into more comfortable clothes. Plaid pyjama pants and a green knitted sweater he knows is his own that went “missing” last year. He doesn’t question it, Barty’s strange like that. He likes to collect things, and especially Regulus’ things.
They’re both sitting on his bed, Regulus tucked up under the covers and Barty sitting on the other end. He’s flipping through one of his dorm mates magazines and whistling to himself, his regular whistling again. It calms Regulus a bit.
Lying there, stuck with his own thoughts, he can’t hide from the images that pop into his mind every time he closes his eyes. All of Sirius and James, all of them examples where Regulus placed last.
There’s so many it’s hard to filter out which ones are new and which ones are old.
They all hurt just the same.
“Whatcha crying about now?” Barty asks, looking over at Regulus. He didn’t even realise he was crying again, but he is. “Did I do something wrong? I’ll fix it, whatever. Get ya whatever you need, promise.”
“You didn’t do anything.” Regulus sniffles, rolling onto his back to look up at the ceiling. Barty’s stuck posters up there, muggle ones of girls on motorcycles and punk bands, just to piss off his dad. “I’m just…”
“Go on.” Barty asks, sitting up now, cross legged and attentive. “There’s no one here, just me. Promise I’ll never tell.”
Regulus sighs and fiddles with his fingers, “I don’t need your pity, Barty. I’ve survived this long, I can survive some more.”
“Yeah, but you’re crying.” He says, and Regulus glares at him. “What? I ain’t seen you cry before, it’s weird. I know it’s really gotta be botherin ya if you’re crying like this. What would Dora say?”
“She’d probably try to hug me and make me cry more.” Regulus offers.
“Do you want… me to- uhm, hug you?”
“No.” Regulus glares at him. “I don’t want your pity, I said.”
“It’s not my pity, Regulus!” Barty splutters, “It’s a bloody hug. Dora says there really good for ya! I love her hugs, you know. Get ‘em all the time. I- I know I’m no Pandora but… I mean, I can offer ya a real bony one.”
Regulus snickers and looks back up at the roof, “No thanks. That’s weird.”
“Is it?” Barty asks, “Cause… cause I’ve been listening to what she’s sayin and… I think it would be nice.”
“If I hugged you right now?” Regulus raised an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah… and other times.” Barty shrugged, “I dunno, might be dumb but… we’re supposed to be friends, ya know? Friends hug. Cas hates ‘em, unless they’re from Dora, but Evan and I hug sometimes.”
“You’re being weird.”
“I’m not trying to.” Barty frowned, “I just… I care about you, I suppose.”
Regulus swallowed. The only person who’s said that before has been Pandora, but she cares about everyone.
Barty… well, he doesn’t care about much at all. He cares about so little, that Regulus thought the only thing he probably cared about was pissing off his dad and Pandora herself. But apparently that’s not true.
Regulus doesn’t want to believe it. He doesn’t want to hurt himself by believing that he could be one of the very few things Barty has come to care about.
But they’re friends, and Barty watches him a lot, and collects Regulus’ things, and helps him when he cries, and offers to hug him.
Now Regulus is crying for a whole other reason.
“One hug?” Barty offers, sticking out his arms, “I’ll make it so quick and if you hate it we don’t ever have to do it again.”
Regulus contemplates it. He doesn’t remember the last time he was hugged.
He knows the last good one was Pandora, maybe last year, when they were leaving for summer. Quick and carefree. The last bad one, that was James. Not that it was bad at the time, but it hurts to think about now. It was false stability and ended in heartbreak. The last time he was hugged to be soothed though? His mind takes him back to Sirius, when they were still little.
“Fine.” Regulus mutters, sitting up under the covers, “But make it quick.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Barty nods and moves in, “Sorry if I’m uncomfortable.”
Regulus nods and sits very still as Barty wraps himself around Regulus’ shoulders. It’s awkward, to say the least. They’ve never done this before, and they’re going about it very strangely.
“Reg… you gotta relax a bit.”
“How am I supposed to relax when I have a boney man attached to me?”
Barty scoffs and squeezes him a little tighter, “Just put your head on my shoulder, orrite. Relax, just for a second.”
Regulus huffs but does it anyway. He leans his head over to rest on Barty’ shoulder and drops his own, and… oh, it’s nice. It’s actually really, really nice. Barty’s soothing his back, and twisting his finger around the end of Regulus’ hair. And it’s nice.
He can’t even feel Barty’s ribs poking him or anything. It’s really, really cosy.
Regulus pushes him away, wiping his tears.
Barty gives him a guilty smile, “Terrible?”
“No.” Regulus sniffles, “It was actually grossly nice.”
Barty snickers and nods his head, “Well, if you ever need another hug, I’ll give ya as many as ya kneed.”
“Thanks.”
“No problems, Black.”
Regulus fiddles with the ends of his sleeve, refusing to look up at Barty, who he knows is sitting there and staring. He’s so quiet, when he stares. It’s as if any noise Barty makes would ruin his ability to set his full attention solely on Regulus.
It’s so strange. He’s so strange.
“You can’t tell anyone.” Regulus mumbles.
“What, that we hugged?” Barty laughs.
“No.” He scoffs, “What I said before, wanker. In the showers.”
“Oh.” Barty nods, “Well, I wasn’t gonna anyway. Course not, Reg. I know you. I know you hate people knowing your business.”
Regulus nods, “You really wouldn’t have told anyone? Not even Dora?”
“Cross my heart.” Barty smiles, doing just that, “I know she’s my best friend, but you are too. It means something, you know?”
“Oh.” Regulus mumbles.
Barty can only laugh at him, and Regulus turns a little pink.
“Can I… no, don’t worry about it.”
“No, go on.” Barty offers, “It’s just you and me.”
Regulus sighs, “I just… I’m tired of not being good enough, Barty.”
“I dunno what you mean, Black. You’re bloody brilliant.” Barty says, flopping down on his back like a starfish, “You shoulda been in Ravenclaw with your smarts, and not to mention your skills as a seeker. You’re top of the class, Reggie, course you’re good enough.”
Regulus thinks Barty will never understand how much that singular sentence fucking means to him, even if he tries to explain it. It stings, how good it feels to hear it. He never has. Not once.
“Not just in school, Barty. Everywhere else.” Regulus mumbles, wiping his teary eyes. They’re stinging again, and he really doesn’t want to cry, but he knows he will. It’s so stupid. “Everything else. I’m just…”
Barty rolls onto his side, propping his head up on his elbow to look at Regulus, “Like, with your family?”
Regulus nods, chewing on a hangnail.
“Yeah, I get that.” Barty sighs, “Is this about… those who must not be named?”
Regulus closes his eyes to compose himself, and nods again.
“Right.” Barty says, “Did Sirius do something? You know he barked at me the other day, like a fucking dog. So I’ll go hex him, happily, if you want?”
“No, Barty. Don’t.” Regulus shook his head, “He didn’t… I… they both just…”
“Go on.” Barty said softly, softer than Regulus has ever heard him speak before as he slowly sits up to get level with him.
“I’ll always be second best.” Regulus mutters, and then he starts crying again. Hot tears down his cheeks, redness in his eyes, stuttering over himself as he shakes.
“Oh, Reg…”
“He- he just picked James, over his own blood brother. Every time it’s James and… and I… and James just… I loved him. I loved him Barty, I was in love with him. I think part of me still is, but… he, he picked Sirius too. He picked Sirius, and Lily, because she’s just… she’s so pretty, and smart, and she’s got everything that I’ve got but, she’s just… she’s just so much better.” Regulus heaved, pressing a hand to his chest, “Everywhere, I see it everywhere. Not just with them, but mostly, I- I’ll never… I’ve never been someone’s first choice, Barty. Ever. And I don’t think I ever will be. No one picks me just because they can.”
His shoulders shake as he cries, his breath short and stuttered. When Barty reaches out in offer for another hug, Regulus falls forward into his arms, head pressed against his friends chest.
It feels so safe there, to be cradled in Barty’s arms, it’s warm. He cries a puddle through his sweater, but Barty doesn’t seem to mind.
“Shh, Reggie.” Barry sooths, lightly scratching his nails over Regulus’ back and sifting his fingers through his hair. “Just breathe, love. Just breathe.”
Regulus follows his command, taking deep breaths and timing them with the rise and fall of Barty’s chest beneath his head. He relaxes there, letting his eyes fall shut, and Barty continues to rub his back and play with his hair.
“I’m so tired.” Regulus mumbles through the last of his tears, “I’m going to fall asleep if you keep doing that.”
“That’s okay.” Barty laughs softly, “How about we lie down?”
“Isn’t that weird?” Regulus asks.
“Isn’t everything I do weird?”
Regulus shrugs and follows when Barty pulls him down to lay against the pillows. Barty slips under the covers with him, and pulls Regulus’ head against his chest again. Bartys heart is beating faster than it should be, but Regulus ignores it and wiggles around until he’s comfortable.
Once again, Barty strokes his back and scratches his scalp, and folds himself into Regulus a little.
He presses a little kiss to the top of Regulus’ head, and his heartbeat speeds up rapidly.
Regulus tenses, “Why is your heart beating like that, Barty? Are you okay? Did I make you uncomfortable?” He questions, already coming up with a million terrible reasons for it. He’s been so stupidly selfish about his own problems he didn’t even notice how uncomfortable he’s made his supposed best friend.
“No…” Barty half follows as Regulus sits up, leaning back on his elbows, “No, Reg. Obviously not.”
Regulus’ shoulders relax a little, “Well, then what is it?”
Barty looks away, “Come on, don’t tease, Reggie. I’m not in the mood.”
“I’m not teasing.” He shakes his head, “What’s the problem?”
“There’s no problem, obviously.” Barty snickers, “Come on, we can just… we can forget about it by tomorrow if it’s weird.
“What’s weird, Crouch?” Regulus pressed, “I don’t understand.”
Barty looked at him for a moment, eyebrows drawn together in the middle, and his mouth slowly fell open, “You don’t know?”
“Know what?” Regulus asked.
“About me…”
“About you… what?” Regulus shook his head.
“About…” Barty sighed, shaking his head in delirium. He laughed, at himself, mostly, which only confused Regulus more, “Everyone said it was obvious. I just thought we both… I thought we had an understanding. That we’d both ignore it and go on with our lives.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Barty?” Regulus asked, shoving at his chest.
“Oi!” Barty snickered, “That I… well… I thought you knew you’d be my first choice for everything.”
Regulus froze, scowling at him for a moment, “Don’t tease-“
“Not teasing, Reggie.” Barty looked away, taking a short breath. “Look, if it’s… if it’s too weird, I get it. But, I’m okay pretending, if you want.”
“P-pretending?” Regulus whispered.
“Yeah.” He shrugged, sitting up and loosely hugging his knees, “Pretending I’m not in love with you.”
Regulus didn’t have an answer for that. He was truely wound speechless. Barty… loves him?
“I meant it… I’d pick- I’d pick you over everything else in this world. I really mean it, Reggie. I promise.” Barty mumbled, “You’re my first pick, always have been.”
Regulus’ heart stops in his chest for a moment. His throat hurts and his eyes sting again. Regulus doesn’t think he’s cried as much as he has today through his entire life, including when he was a baby.
He can’t help it, crying again. Because Regulus believes him. Barty’s always been devastatingly honest, even at the worst of times. So why would he lie about this? And he looks so earnest, sounds it too. He sounds like he really, truely means it.
No ones ever picked Regulus first, besides Barty Crouch Jr, who has a collection of Regulus’ things, and who stares at him unashamedly, and consoles Regulus when he cries even if it makes him uncomfortable.
And Regulus has been too self centred to ever notice.
But Barty is in love with him, and by the sounds of it he has been for a while. Apparently everyone knows it.
He thinks about it for a moment, while he sobs and cries and heaves. Barty does all that he can to soothe him, reaching out to wipe away tears, and hold him, and rub his arms and back.
Regulus doesn’t think he’s ever felt as safe as he doesn’t when he’s around Barty. Which is an odd thing to realise, because Barty is kind of a loose cannon. He’s violent, and angry, and snarky and rude. But with Regulus he’s always… well, he’s funny, and he can still be a little rude sometimes, but he’s also kind and generous and a little odd.
Regulus now realises all that oddness he’s noticed is just things Barty does that signals he’s in love with him. But Regulus has never noticed, he’s never looked to see how Barty doesn’t do all these very things with other people.
He’s Barty’s first choice.
And now that he thinks of it, Barty might just be his.
He’s the only person Regulus trusts to see him like this. Not even Pandora could, as much as he loves her. Regulus just hates being vulnerable. But he supposed it’s a little different with Barty, because he’s always been a little vulnerable with Regulus.
It’s comforting, to say the least, to have confirmation that he’s wanted. That he’s cared for. That he’s somebodies first choice.
And Barty loves him, which is strange. He’s never looked at Barty in that way before. And sure, Barty makes plenty of jokes about finding Regulus fit and wanting to snog him and so on and so forth, but he’s never thought too deeply about it.
He does that with other people, doesn’t he?
Now that Regulus thinks about it, he definitely doesn’t do it as much as he does it to Regulus.
Barty pulls away, rubbing up and down Regulus’ biceps, as he gives a nervous smile. It’s crooked, like most of Barty’s smiles, but this time Regulus really notices it.
“I’m sorry if it’s weird, I dunno what to do, Reggie.” Barty tries, “How do I stop you crying?”
Regulus sniffled and blinked his tears away slowly, refusing to cry anymore. His cheeks are all wet and sticky, and his eyes fucking ache, as well as his throat, but he’s not thinking about that.
“Do you really mean that?” Regulus sniffles, and he blinks away a few more tears, “Me being your first choice?”
“Of course, why would I lie about that, Reg. It clearly means a lot to you- I just… I thought you knew.”
Regulus scrunches up his nose, “Well, why would I cry about how I’m no one’s first choice if I knew I was yours?”
Barty’s quiet for a moment. He retracts his hands and ducks his head to mumble, “I just thought… well I thought I didn’t really matter, at the end of it all.” He shrugged, “I’d do anything for you- I already have, you know, and… I just… I thought you knew. And I thought it didn’t matter to you because… well, I’m the same, I suppose. I don’t think anyone’s picked me first either.”
“You still… even thinking that I just- I just didn’t care about you, or your feelings or… or anything at all, you still…” Regulus scrunched up his nose, ducking his head to catch Barty’s eye, “You still would have picked me first?”
Barty nodded, “Done anything for you.”
“Oh.” Regulus whispered, shaking his head, “Barty…”
“Yeah?” Barty asked, swallowing a large lump in his throat.
Regulus kisses him. No thoughts, no warnings, no nothing at all. He just leans forward and kisses him right on the mouth.
Barty pulls away first, almost immediately, wide eyed and startled, “What the fuck did you do that for?”
“I don’t know.” Regulus muttered, touching his lips, “You just… I… you love me, and… fuck, Barty. You’re my best friend.”
“Yeah.” Barty nodded, there’s water in his eyes now, and Regulus can tell he’s trying to hold it back, “And you just kissed me. Please don’t- don’t do that. I’m… I can’t handle that, Reg. I can handle us being friends, even though it’s driving me mad, but… I just- I can’t-“
“Well, don’t you want to be more?”
“Fucking hell, Regulus.” Barty leers back.
“What?” Regulus scoffs.
“You can’t just fucking… don’t say that.” He shakes his head, taking a moment to compose himself, “Don’t be stupid, orrite. I can’t fucking… I love you, Reggie. I can’t handle… possibilities because I’m just… I’m gonna drive myself crazy thinking about them. And that’s not good.”
“I’ve never had someone love me before, Barty.” Regulus whispers, “I’ve never had someone… I want- I want to chose you too. You’re my best friend, and I already do choose you. But I want to do it more. I want to… please?”
“I don’t understand, Reg.” Barty whispered back.
Regulus took his hand, smoothing his fingers over Barty’s rigid knuckles. They’re rough and scarred, just as they always are. Just as Regulus knows them to be.
“I don’t really either, Barty.” He admits, “I never knew you felt that way, and I’ve never thought about it- you- us. I’ve never thought about us like that before, but I… I can picture it.”
Barty closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“I’m not trying to hurt you, Barty. I don’t want to lead you on. I want to try. Don’t you want to try?”
Barty keeps his eyes sealed shut and he shakes his head no, “What happens when you get bored of me? What- what happens when Potter comes crawling back to you? What happens when you realise I’m fucking… more insane than you thought? I’d- don’t tempt me, Regulus, because I meant what I said, I’d do anything for you.” Barty’s breath trembles, “I’d kill him, I’d kill them both. I’d kill all of them, just to make you happy. So you never feel like a second choice to them ever again- I- I mean it, Regulus.”
“I know.” Regulus breaths, and it scares him, what Barty’s saying, because he does know. It’s not just words. But those words aren’t the part that scare him, it’s the fact that he likes it that does. It makes him want. “I know, Barty. And I know that if I hurt you, truly, truly hurt you like this, you’d make my life a living hell. I know.”
“What about Potter?” Barty asks, trying to mask tears of his own, “Don’t you love him?”
“Maybe.” Regulus admits, regretfully so, “But I don’t want to. He’d never… he could never love me the way you could anyway. The way that I need.”
“And how do you need it?”
“To be your first choice.” Regulus whispered, “How do you need it, Barty?”
Barty took a deep breath, thinking about it for a moment. He looked up at Regulus with a pout and hopeful eyes, “I just want to be good enough for love before anything else.”
Regulus smiles, “You are.”
Barty shakes his head.
“You are.” Regulus confirms, “To me, you are.”
Barty sniffles, “Do you love me… like that?”
Regulus sighs, “N… no.” He scolds himself for the truth, because it seems to shatter Barty’s heart to pieces. “But I want to, Barty… I want to love you the way you do me. And I think I will. You just have to let me.”
“Really?” Barty sobs.
Regulus nods, “Will you let me?”
Barty nods and leans back in, and Regulus kisses him again. They both had wet cheeks, and headaches, and heartaches from crying, but they kiss anyway. And Regulus cries again, for hopefully the last time, because Barty kisses like he never wants to stop.
Regulus has never been kissed like that before.
Regulus has never been loved before.
He thinks with Barty, he might just be enough.
★ ★ ★
Bartylus shippers unite.
This one’s so angsty I’m sorry but I can’t help it and yerr Reggie kinda has misogynistic views which is gross but it’s the fucking 70’s and look at his parents. I USUALLY write them all to be better than that and not arseholes but I wanted to make this one hurt.
Also I don’t think I’ve written from Reggie’s pov before sooooo that was interesting.
Idk I liked this. Let me know your thoughts :)
Read here on ao3
If you want to read more of my stuff you can find it all here :))
Tagging everyone that expressed interest in the angsty bartylus one shot lmao: @lapassemirroir @mayflywrites @garlicbread4ever @moonyluv-s @managingmischeif @stxr-bxy @the-lionsheart @crimsonlovebartylus
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ellecdc · 2 months
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A Man With a Plan.5
prologue // p1 // p2 // p3 // p4 // p5 // p6 // p7
Remus Lupin x whimsical!reader - Hogwarts Era (no Voldemort) - Soulmate AU
CW: swearing, self-deprecating thoughts, James losing his ever-loving mind.
“Okay. Start again, from the beginning.” Remus heard James say as he made his way back down to the common room with the Marauder’s Map held fast in his iron grip.
Regulus sighed something that sounded a lot like for Salazar’s sake, Potter as he looked at the ceiling of the Gryffindor common room for patience; jury’s still out on whether he found any or not.
“She was supposed to meet me in the library after the game to study.” He muttered plainly.
“Right.” James said as he paced near the fire, arms crossed and one hand up near his mouth as he chewed on his cuticles. 
“She never showed at the library, but I didn’t think anything of it as she often gets-”
“Distracted, right.” James agreed readily.
Regulus had lowered his head and was now looking at the floor. “I still had her books though, so I went to bring them to her dorm, or at least drop them off for her. Her roommate-”
“Which one?” James interrupted.
“What?”
“Which roommate?”
Regulus scoffed and levelled James with an incredulous glare. “I don’t know, Potter. Why would I know her roommates? The lot of them are tosser’s anyway.”
“Did Reggie just refer to someone as a tosser?” Sirius stage whispered to Remus. 
“Was it Mary-Ella?” 
“I don’t know who that is, Potter.”
“Did she have glasses?” James tried again.
“No.”
“The red head?”
“No.”
“Okay so it was Jill, then; the blonde.”
“Fine. Yes, Jill,” Regulus started, obviously antsy to get this conversation over with. “Said she had packed a small bag and said, and I quote,” he emphasized, obviously already having gone over this with James, “it’s better that she stays away from the castle for the weekend.”
James had since stopped his pacing and stood in front of the fire as he pieced the facts together.
“Okay...” he started as he looked to Regulus again. “One more time.”
“Potter!” Regulus shouted at the same time Sirius whined “Prongs!”
“This is awful. This is just awful.” James said as he resumed his pacing.
“Okay, well, relax Potter. She’s more clever than people give her credit for – I’m sure she’s fine.” Regulus said as he rubbed his temples.
“I know she’s more clever than people give her credit for.”
“Then why are you so wound up?” Sirius asked. Big mistake.
“Because, if she’s not here, who will stop the nargles, Sirius!?” James shrilled. 
“What the fuck is a nargle!?” Sirius shouted back.
“I don’t know! All I know is that Y/N’s not here, and now the nargles are going to steal my stuff!”
Remus was fully convinced that dogs two counties over could hear James at this point.
“Guys? Has anyone seen my shoes?” Peter interjected as he stood from his spot on the carpet where Sirius had abandoned their card game. “I swear they were just here.”
“Oh gods, it’s starting.” James cried miserably.
“Oh relax, Potter. The nargles aren’t interested in smelly running shoes.” Regulus added with derision. “They’d much prefer a nice wizarding pair of dragonhide boots.”
Suddenly, realization seemed to dawn on Regulus’ face as he turned quickly and exited the Gryffindor common room.
“Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods, oh gods.” James muttered as he resumed his pacing.
“Alright, are you going to tell him? Or should I?” Sirius said as he turned his sights to Remus.
“Tell me what?” James said immediately, looking between his two friends.
Remus’ face was pale and clammy while Moony was screaming in his mind at the thought of you being gone, not being safe, being hurt, hiding.
“Tell me what?!” James asked again.
Remus just shook his head.
“Remus.” Sirius warned.
“What did you do? What did you say to her?” James accused, immediately on the offensive as he stalked towards him. Lily stood swiftly to block James’ path.
“I...I can’t...I-she’s,” Remus stuttered miserably.
“Oh, for Godric’s sake.” Sirius muttered as he stalked up to his dorm room. He returned swiftly with the book Hairy Snout, Human Heart and tossed it to James who caught it easily. 
“She is his soulmate.” He said simply.
“SOULMATE!?” Lily, Peter, and James all guffawed in unison.
“I thought that was just a myth.” Peter muttered as he took the book from James’ hand and began flipping through it.
“Apparently not.” Sirius muttered as he ran a hand through his hair. “It’s had this guy wound up for weeks.”
“Holy shit.” Peter muttered as he held the book out for James and Lily to see as well. “It’s true. It’s here.” 
“How do you know it’s her?” Lily asked Remus.
He snorted and shook his head as Moony shouted MINE.
“Just a hunch.” He muttered miserably.
“Is this why you’ve been so upset, recently?” Peter asked quietly. James scoffed and shook his head angrily.
“So upset... to have such an odd girl as your soulmate, Moony?” James spat furiously.
Remus felt the colour drain from his face as Moony started arguing angrily in his head. IS MINE. IS MINE. MINE, GOOD. MINE, GOOD. 
James scoffed and threw the book onto the table. “You know, out of everyone, Remus, I thought at least you’d be more understanding. That perhaps maybe you would know what it’s like to be different from everyone else – treated differently than your peers.”
James looked down his nose at his friend as he began to stalk out of the room. “Turns out you’re just as bad as the rest of them.”
Remus felt a tear fall as he turned back to regard his friends.
“Sirius.” He whispered miserably.
“I know, Moons. I know that’s not why; I’ll talk to him - but I don’t blame him for being angry.” Sirius offered solemnly before he followed James up the stairs.
“You know...it makes a lot of sense.” Peter mused aloud.
Lily and Remus turned to face him with matching expressions of bemusement. 
“A witch who believes in nargles ought to believe in soulmates. She’s probably the perfect person for you.” He said simply with a shrug.
Mine. Miss. Missing. Where? Mine. Moony whimpered.
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James was officially missing one half of two pairs of socks, his watch, his school tie, and his new quill set that his mom had sent him.
Oh, and also his sanity if you asked Sirius. 
Sirius was starting to feel like he was losing his sanity too, between Remus’ brooding over your ‘disappearance’ (which sounded so dramatic considering you told people you were leaving and that you’d be back after the weekend), James’ (and admittedly, Regulus’) fussing over nargles, auras, and something other entity Sirius has never heard of, and Peter’s complete lack of help with any of the above. 
“All this over a bird.” He muttered to himself as he handed James one of his extra ties.
“Moony, up. We’re going to breakfast.” He barked over his shoulder. Remus just shook his head.
“Get up.” He demanded. 
“M’not hungry.” Remus muttered petulantly.
“Don’t care, Moons – we’re going to breakfast.” 
“Leave me alone.”
“Oh, for fucking fuck!” Sirius said as he stomped his feet. “Lupin, I swear to fuck if you do not get your arse down to the Great Hall right now and eat - because I know you won’t eat later and then you’ll have the moon tonight and then you won’t eat tomorrow morning which will have meant you haven’t eaten in over 24-hours – I will find your bird and bed her myself.”
Sirius felt ridiculous for a) his temper tantrum and b) threatening to steal his best mate’s girl – but it appeared to have its desired effect when Remus stood abruptly from what Sirius had officially dubbed the brooding chair with a growl and stalked out the dormitory door, shouldering Sirius as he went. 
It was going to be a long day.
Unfortunately for Sirius, it was an even longer night. 
James and Remus still weren’t speaking as the four of them made their way to the Shrieking Shack for Moony’s transformation. Peter, the poor sod, kept trying to make conversation, though it was all in vain as Remus was still too broody to engage and James just offered the occasional grunt of acknowledgement. 
And unfortunately, Moony wasn’t in better spirits.
After Remus’ transformation, Sirius – now Padfoot – had the unenviable task of watching a Werewolf in mourning.
The Wolf spent most of the night making pathetically sorrowful howls at the moon, and when he wasn’t crying, he was trying to gnaw angrily on his ankles. When Padfoot tried to get him to stop, or encourage a playful romp, Moony snapped at him.
Padfoot huffed to say “fine, you sod”, but his whimper as he laid on the opposite end of the room betrayed his haughtiness – Padfoot’s heart was breaking.
It was breaking for his Moony – his pack – and it also broke for Remus. Remus, who finally had a shot at something wonderful but let it slip through his fingers because he was too full of self-loathing to accept an opportunity. Remus, who deserves love and compassion, because lord knows he doesn’t give enough of it to himself. Remus, who found probably the most openminded and understanding person in the world. Remus...who found his soulmate. 
His soulmate.
Moony found his happy ending.
And Padfoot was not going to let him lose it.
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Remus blinked against the harsh brightness of the infirmary the following morning – his body aching in ways it hadn’t since before the boys started joining him for the full moons. As he stretched, the bandages that pulled at his wrists and ankles explained why.
Moony had been angry. And he’d taken it out on Remus.
Remus couldn’t blame him. All of the floundering, grasping at ridiculous straws, the planning he’d been doing all week. For what?
To use a poor girl for sex and distractions? To cheat Moony, and himself, from what he really wanted? To fight and argue with his friends, his pack? To have you take off for two nights?
He hated himself.
He hated himself, he hated himself, he hated himself.
And Moony hated him too.
Remus groaned as he pushed himself up in a sitting position.
“Feeling better?” James muttered as he fluffed Remus’ pillow for him. His face and tone remained angry despite his kind gesture.
“No, not really...” Remus admitted.
“Me neither.” 
“James, I’m sorry.” Remus sighed as he settled back into his pillow. “I swear I...it’s not her, I-”
“It’s not you, it’s me. Really, Moony?” James sneered.
“Yes, Prongs. You know this.” Remus stressed. 
“Uhm, no. What I know, Moony, is that you are a wonderful, caring friend who loves his people so strongly, and has more love to give, and certainly deserves more love than he allows himself. That’s what I know.
“I also know that I have a very wonderful, lovely, caring friend who deserves the same amount of love she gives to everyone else, and you wouldn’t even give her a chance!”
“James. I know.”
“And anoth- what?” James stopped in his tirade. 
“I know.” Remus repeated as his eyes welled with tears. “I tried to fight it because I didn’t want to drag anyone else into my mess; I didn’t want anyone else to feel responsible for me. I’ve already damned my mum and dad, I’ve already dragged you three into this – I couldn’t do it again. I thought I was strong enough to ignore it, but I can’t.”
“Rem, you didn’t damn your parents. That’s what happens when you have a kid; the kids’ job is to be who they are, and the parent’s job is to love them regardless. And we chose to help you through this Rem – and it was the right thing to do!” James cried as he lifted his hands in the air.
“I just don’t want you guys to regret it one day or decide I’m too much. Then what would I do?” Remus admitted quietly.
“Oh, for- You know what, Lupin? Only way you’re getting rid of me is through death. Got it?” James said with all the sternness he could muster.
Remus huffed a laugh and nodded. “Okay Prongs.”
James deflated and offered a curt nod. “Good. ‘Cause I need your help finding Y/N. I cannot risk losing another one of my quills – my mom is going to kill me.”
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Padfoot felt like he may have scrapes on his nose from how long he’s been out here following your scent. But he knew it would be worth it when he found you and got you back to Moony.
His ears perked up when he heard movement, but he swiftly hid behind a large oak tree when some Centaurs stepped onto the path.
“Now, if you continue West from here, you should find the rest of your path to Hogwarts unhindered. Stepping off the path brings the chance of new adventures and grave danger.” A centaur proclaimed.
“Thank you very much, Firenze. Best of luck on your search for the Snidgets.” An airy voice called back. 
Padfoot knew that voice! That was Moony’s soulmate! Padfoot tried to hide his excitement (i.e., he tried to stop his tail from wagging) until the centaurs all left.
Suddenly, Padfoot shifted and bolted out from behind the tree to stand in front of you.
“Y/N!” He shouted as he grabbed your upper arms in his hands, scanning you from head-to-toe for any signs of injury. 
You seemed surprised by his appearance, but not startled. Sirius figured you probably should have been startled – it was a pretty startling thing for him to do.
You had no injuries, but a few branches and leaves were caught in your hair and on various parts of your body. You were also not wearing shoes.
“Well, hello Sirius. It’s very nice to see you.” You said plainly.
“Nice to see me? Are you- where are your shoes?” He decided to settle on first. Not the most important question – but it took priority in Sirius’ mind.
You looked down at your feet like you weren’t fully aware they were bare. “You know, I’m not quite sure. Not to worry, though; I’m sure they’ll turn up. Lost things often have ways of finding their way back to us, if not always in the way we expect.”
Sirius had no idea how to respond to that – so he didn’t. “Do you have any idea how worried everyone has been?” He sputtered at you.
Your eyebrows furrowed at that, and you almost seemed upset as you responded, “Oh dear, I didn’t mean to concern anyone.”
Sirius immediately regretted saying anything; now he could see why James was so sweet on you.
“Well, let’s go to the castle and tell them all that, then.” He acquiesced as he hooked your arm in his and began the path back to Hogwarts. You did not seem concerned nor feel the need to object to his manhandling you. But Sirius knew he would not be letting go of you until you were back in the castle – maybe not even then. He was not going to deal with Remus, James, and Regulus like this again.
“Regulus was perhaps most concerned.” He lied, knowing very well he was far from the most dramatic through all of this. “Very worried about the nargles in your absence.”
You hummed in acknowledgement. “As he should; they’d be quite interested in his dragonhide boots.”
“You don’t say.” Sirius murmured, unadmittedly becoming increasingly concerned with the state of his beloved Doc Marten’s stowed in his school trunk.
“Better hurry then.” He said as he all but dragged you up towards the castle. 
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Remus tried not to get too caught up on the fact that he was sitting in the infirmary with James and Regulus Black of all people as they scanned the Marauder’s map for any sign of you. He also pretended he didn’t notice the fact that Regulus was holding a duffle bag that appeared to have everything he owned jammed inside it.
“She said she’d only need to stay away from the castle for the weekend, right?” James asked as he continued to scan the parchment.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “Yes, Potter. Like I said.”
“Okay, I can’t look at this anymore – I’m going cross-eyed.” James moaned as he leaned away from the map and rubbed his eyes from behind his glasses.
Remus felt awfully guilty. He didn’t know how you would know - though he wouldn’t put it past you at this point - but he didn’t think it was a coincidence that you left for the full moon. He doesn’t think he’d ever forgive himself if something happened to you because of it.
“Oh, thank Godric.” James finally breathed as he stood from his chair.
“Godric had nothing to do with it, Prongsie.” Sirius called out as he waltzed into the infirmary – your arm in his. 
James all but shoved Sirius aside as he enveloped you in his arms. “Where have you been!?” 
You smiled sweetly – that damned dimple making an appearance to taunt Remus – and patted your friends back.
“Oh, I wasn’t far Jamie.”
Sirius let out a pfft from where he was now leaning against the wall at the end of Remus’ bed. “Not far she says. I found her with a herd of centaurs.”
“CENTAURS.” The three other boys shouted, earning them a dramatic shushing from the matron.
“Y/N, centaurs are very hostile towards wizard-kind.” Regulus spoke severely, albeit more quietly for Madame Pomfrey's benefit. 
“I don’t agree.” You said simply as you turned to look at Remus. “Are you feeling much better?” You asked him.
Your voice was so tranquil compared to the conversation with the boys, and even with Madame Pomfrey – Remus was sure if he was hooked up to a muggle heart monitor, his blood pressure would be dropping just from listening to you speak.
Keep smiling at him like that, though, and it might pick right back up.
“I am, Y/N. Thank you.”
You sighed in relief as you sat on the edge of the foot of Remus’ bed. “Oh good. I figured it’d be easier if I was gone.” 
Sirius and James’ necks looked like they might have snapped as they turned to look at you. The room fell painfully quiet as Sirius, James, and Remus all looked at each other and then to Regulus. 
Regulus seemed to understand his intrusion. “Uhm, right. Well, Y/N L/N, you are to never take off like that again without informing me. Got it?” He said severely. Remus is sure most people would have cowered, but you smiled sweetly and brushed his cheek.
"Okay, Reg."
Regulus offered you a curt nod and left the infirmary. Remus supposed that was likely as loving as Regulus Black could ever get. 
“What would have been easier if you were gone, Y/N?” James asked quietly.
“Well, the moon, of course.” You responded.
That muggle heart rate monitor? It’d be showing no signal at this point.
“I’m terribly sorry if your bond to me is causing you problems, Remus.” You offered solemnly. Remus thought this might be the most emotion he’d ever seen from you.
“It’s...it’s not your fault.” Remus croaked.
“Y/N, how much do you know?” Sirius asked.
You considered Sirius for a moment before responding. “About what?”
Sirius looked between the you and Remus before arching his brow at the latter. Remus grimaced and leaned forward to tap his finger against your hand that was closest to him to bring your attention to him.
“How much do you know about me?”
 “Well, I know your name is Remus Lupin. You’re from a town outside of Cardiff. You’re a Pisces, a Gryffindor, a werewolf, and a prefect. And you have a magical connection to me, it seems.” You said all too simply, head tilted as you searched his face for something.
Remus’ mind was reeling; it was reeling that you apparently knew he was a werewolf, and it was reeling at the fact that in a list of things you knew about him, that fact fell between him being a Gryffindor and a prefect and was not as important to you as his birth sign. 
“What’s his name?” You asked suddenly.
Remus shook his head as if to wake himself up. “I’m sorry?”
“The Wolf; what’s his name?”
Remus looked to Sirius who was staring at you with a terrified sort of awe, and then to James who looked both proud and smug that you’d figured it out.
“It’s Moony.” Remus whispered.
You smiled greatly at that. “A wonderful name.”
Sirius smirked at that – clearly chuffed his hard work was appreciated. 
“It’s fitting too – should have seen him mooning over you this weekend – this month even!” James said.
Remus threw a chocolate wrapper at him from his bedside table.
“I’m sure it’s difficult, feeling tied to someone so odd.” You offered quietly, and any friendly banter drained from the boys immediately.
“Y/N, that’s-” James started, but Remus interrupted.
“I’m so sorry to have made you believe that Y/N, but it’s just not true.” He said emphatically.
You tilted your head at him in intrigue. “No?”
He shook his head. “No. I was trying to keep you away from...Moony, from my infliction.” He admitted shamefully.
“Hm. Well, that didn’t work very well.” You said plainly, causing Sirius to bark a laugh.
“Most of his plans don’t, dollface.” He said through a chuckle.
“Oh, plans aren’t always a bad thing: it’s good to be prepared. But it’s important to plan to be spontaneous as well.”
“Plan to be spontaneous?” James asked incredulously.
“Oh yes,” you said severely. “I get my best work done that way.”
James seemed to consider this as Sirius sighed. “Yes, and, if you plan too much, auror’s throw around words like premeditated.”
You nodded in comradery. “Very true, Sirius.” 
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Continue to chapter six here.
Taglist: @hanniejji, @y0urm0m12, @c0nsc10usworld, @aphrcdites, @starsval, @thepunisherfrankcastle, @anuncalledbridge, @unstablereader, @rai-strangebr, @klazina-couch-potato, @cancelledkaley, @fandom-crashlanding, @ttulipwritezz, @boo8008, @daisiesformylove, @frostooo, @myriadmoons, @aremuslupinsimp, @simars3, @stargurl99, @dreamingofts18, @iwannabeinthesequalmrghostface, @agent-tempest, @xxrougefangxx, @serenadingtigers, @adhxmoony, @spokenfolk, @hufflepufffangirlqueen, @thebiggestnaturaldisaster, @urmomw4ntsme, @b4tm4nn, @jamieolivia27, @stqrgirlies-blog, @loving-and-dreaming
576 notes · View notes
angelbowerz · 5 months
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Bowers gang asking you out/you asking them out
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Henry
-if you asked him out...it would be a no, he would be inlove with you and still say no
"Hey Henry"
"What"
"I was just wondering if you wanted to go out some time?"
*gives you a blank stare* "...no"
-he'd wanna say yes but if he said yes to a someone asking him out...his ego would be down a notch
-I mean come on...how DARE you ask the MAN out 🙄
-but a few hours later you're getting books out of your locker and here he comes
"Wanna be my girlfriend or something"
"But I just-"
"I'M ASKING NOW! yes or no"
"Okay sure, I'll be your girlfriend"
"After school we're going to the woods to bang, see ya"
*before you could respond he walks away*
-let's face it..Henry doesn't do dates, he finds them too romantic and cheesy
-you'll obviously hang together but he wouldn't class it as 'dates'...just 'hanging time'
-romantic rating 2/10 😭
Belch
-he would be WAY too scared to ask you out.. poor reggie
-buuut..if you asked him out....
"Hey reggie, I was wondering if-"
"YES"
-you just made him the happiest person alive
-but on the actual day of the date he is PANICKING
-he is so nervous...what If you aren't enjoying it? What if something bad happens?
-what's his solution? TAKE EVERYTHING AND PUT IT IN HIS BACKSEAT
-he has blankets...food..drink...everything
-when he drives to pick you up...omg he is a sweetheart
-waits outside with a bouquet of roses
-treats you like the only person in the world
-drives you to a secluded place and stargazes with you
-the perfect date..literally something out of a movie
-drives you home then calls you later tonight and checks in on you
-romantic rating 100/10!!!!
Patrick
-he wouldn't exactly ask you out but...
-he'll stalk you, wait for the right moment and then just walks alongside you all day
-you won't realise it's a date until he mentions that halfway through
"This date is going great right?"
"Wait wha-"
-he'll walk you home...well follow you home expecting you to invite him inside
-if you don't? That's fine, he'll just climb in while you're sleeping
-he'll either walk through the door or climb through your window
-he'll get in the bed with you...to watch you, not to sleep
-when he notices you start slowly waking up..he'll wait until you look at him then he very slowly turns his head...with the most scary smile you have ever seen
-when you scream..he just laughs...so much
-if you ask him out though...oh god...you're in for a night of torture
"Hey Patrick...I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime"
*does THAT smile* "oh I would love to..."
-it won't be cute...oh no no no
-he'll take you out to the movies, not to watch a romantic movie
-Patrick will do his research to find the most scary horror movie playing right now
-if you think he's taking you there so you'd cuddle into him....ahahaha aren't you delusional
-he'll laugh his head off when he sees you scared, pure happiness
-if you try covering your face, he'll take his hands, place them on your head and will force you to watch that movie
-After it ends..he'll still scare you in ways (making you jump etc)
-if you're in the right state of mind, you wouldn't go near him again...but if you're THAT crazy over him...goodluck
-romantic rating -10/10
Victor
-if you ask him out infront of the gang, he'd say no just because he wants to act 'cool' in front of the guys
-but when he's alone he'll come upto you and say he actually will go out with you and apologises
-probably had no clue where to take you so you two just end up in a park talking all night
-I feel like he would be very awkward at first but after awhile he'll loosen up and be really cool
-when you two get tired of talking, you'll just end up making out lol
-he'll walk you home of course
-romantic rating 6/10
492 notes · View notes
daddiesdrarryy · 6 months
Text
Sirius: Why am I here, Prongs?
James: I need you to try this ring on. You and Reggie have the same hands.
Sirius: Okay, put it on me. I need the full effect
James: Should I get down on my knees too?
Sirius: Sure, pretend I’m Reggie and you’re proposing
James, kneeling down: Regulus Arcturus Black, I’ve loved you ever since I first saw you, and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else but you
Remus & Regulus: *walks in the room*
James: Will you do me the honour of making me the happiest man and be my husband?
Sirius: I do!
Regulus: Are you proposing to my brother?
Remus: Are you proposing to my husband?
James: Wait—
634 notes · View notes
winnienora13 · 3 months
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One of my favorite thing about James Potter is that he’s so respectful
When he was younger and still completely in love with Lily, Snape,who was also in love with Lily, gave her a love potion. However, it backfired and Lily ended up being in love with James. Now the second James found out, he didn’t do anything about it. He just called Lily’s friends and told them to take care of her. The same James who was absolutely head over heels in love with her. The same James who had the same girl he was in love with for so long in love with him too for the first time and who didn’t take avantage of it even a little bit.
Then, when he got with Regulus, a couple of years later, he would ask for his consent simply to hold his hand. He would answer anyone who asked about Regulus’s gender or sexuality with ‘’ I don’t know if Regulus wants me to tell you.’’. Even though Hogwarts in it’s integrity already knew Regulus was gay and trans and had for a while.
James would constantly question Reg about what he’s comfortable with or not comfortable with. It was always important for him but even more when it came to Reggie being transgender.
‘’ Is it okay if I touch your scars on your chest’’ or stuff like this. But since he’s James mf Potter ,sometimes, he got really intense/crazy and Reg would just chuckle fondly.
‘’Do you want me to act more feminine so people think you’re the man in the relationship?’’
Reg chuckled ‘’come here’’
James buries his face in the crook of Reg’s neck while Reg wraps him up in his arms.
‘’You do know that’s not how gay couples work right?’’
James sighs ‘’ I know. I just want you to be comfortable.’’
‘’ I am love. I promise.’’ He then kisses the top of James head.
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hyunfilms · 8 months
Text
this time around (lee felix) | one shot.
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—summary: life decides it's finally the right time.
—pairing: lee felix x f. reader
—genre: (18+) exes to lovers | fluff, smut
—word count: 3.9k
—content/warnings: blue haired felix 😮‍💨, cussing/mature language, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex - but not super descriptive!!, lots of kisses and intimate/sweet moments, use of pet names: baby/angel/love, oc’s friend also uses ‘baby’ in a platonic way, quickly edited so pls excuse any mistakes!!
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—INSPIRED BY: LOVE ME AGAIN - V
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It’s funny how life works.
Especially when you’re sitting at this wedding, sipping on another glass of rosé— staring at the one man who, at one point, meant the entire universe to you. 
Then, it’s also funny how life works; when life decides that this is your person, just not the right time.
“Girl, can you go and do something? He keeps looking at you. And don’t tell me he isn’t because I can see that blue head from miles away.” One of your bestfriends since college said. He nudges your arm, making you almost choke on the sip you just took.
“No, Reggie!” You almost whine, turning towards him. “It’s been so long, I don’t even know what I’d say to him.”
“Okay, but baby, he looks like he’s dying to talk to you. Poor Felix. Y/N always playing her goddamn games.”
“Quit it.” You nudge him back and he snorts.
“I’m kidding. But seriously, he looks like he wants to talk to you. Who cares if it’s been so long? I’m sure the conversation will flow perfectly. Give it a chance.” He takes a sip of his own cocktail. “Besides, if I remember correctly, you were head over heels for that man just as he was for you.” You sigh, setting your glass down— quickly reminiscing about the past.
You might have been young, and you may not have experienced everything life had to offer yet; but to say Felix was the love of your life would be an understatement.
He was everything to you.
Love, adoration, fun. 
Sweetness.
He was also sadness, anger, hurt. 
Pain.
Everything that entails love; being so, so in love.
And it’s just unfortunate that it wasn’t the right time because Felix was someone you pictured your life with. Everything about the relationship was right, and equally balanced. He showed you just how much he loved you and how much he adored you. You had more good times than bad with him. He taught you how to communicate better, to express your needs and wants, to enjoy life and live in the present moment.
He taught you so much that he really is part of the reason why you’re the person you are today.
After the three years of dating, Felix was graduating college and you were going into your senior year. Understandably, you felt like you needed to experience your last year by yourself, and you felt like Felix needed to figure out his plans moving forward. As much as you loved the way he factored you into every decision, you felt like it was wrong for him to do so— for him to feel like his life revolved solely around you. And of course, you loved him. This would’ve worked. But, it wouldn’t have felt right.
You needed to find yourself without Felix, and vice versa. 
Breaking up with Felix was probably the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, but he understood. And because he loved you, he let you go. There was no bad blood, no hint of hate or anger; Felix had only left with more love and hope, praying that you’ll be okay.
Maybe one day, you’ll find your way back to each other.
It’s funny how life works.
“I’m not going to force it. I’ll let it happen if it happens.” You look at Reggie, taking another big sip of your rosé; eyes quickly glancing over to Felix from over the glass. He’s still conversing with a few mutual friends, eyes meeting yours from a distance. His eyes are soft, facial expression slightly unreadable. 
Pressed, crisp black button down with the sleeves rolled halfway up his arms. Silver watch adorning the left wrist, slacks sitting nicely on his frame.
You’re sure of the butterflies you feel. It’s crazy how Felix still has this effect on you. 
You clear your throat and revert your attention back to Reggie with a: “Can we go dance?”
“Now you’re talking.” Reggie laughs, grabbing your hand and leading you to the dance floor for a dance with other friends. The majority of the time you’re on the dance floor, you’ve temporarily pushed your thoughts and feelings away to enjoy being around friends you haven’t been able to hang out with or see in quite some time. You’re enjoying yourself, singing and dancing along to the music blasting in the venue. At one point, you don’t realize that Felix and his friends have joined in, creating one huge crowd in the middle of the dance floor that’s become the life of the party. 
“Hey, I’m gonna go to the bathroom and get some air. I’ll be back in a few.” You say in Reggie’s ear. He nods, throwing up the ‘okay’ sign to acknowledge that he understood you through the loud music.
“You need me to come babysit your ass?” He leans near your ear to quickly ask.
“I’ll be fine!” You laugh, rushing off to the bathroom to relieve yourself from all that rosé. You take a couple of moments to freshen up and pat away at your makeup, hoping to keep it together for the remainder of the night. You fluff your hair a bit before giving yourself one last look before walking out and heading towards the back end of the hotel.
It’s a beautiful night tonight— one where the stars are twinkling brightly above, dotted throughout the night sky and circling around the full moon. There’s a faint breeze that feels awfully good on your skin right now, the waves crashing against the surface just right below the hill where the hotel sits. 
“Hey.” A familiar, deep voice comes from behind you. You fiddle with your fingers a bit, bottom lip tucked underneath your teeth as you turn and come face to face with Felix— eyes completely fixed on the one man whom you’ve always loved; the one man who, at one point, meant the entire universe to you. “I’m sorry, I just came outside to make sure you were okay. But, I guess I should’ve figured it was since Reggie was still—” Felix shakes his head and lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “Nevermind. Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. Thank you for checking. I—” You lazily point at the sky. “I just needed some air. Was getting really hot in there.”
“Yeah it was.” He laughs a bit. “You sure you’re doing okay? Do you need me to get you water or anything?” Typical Felix, you think. He’s still the same. Everything about him has remained unchanged.
“I’m okay, Felix. Thank you.” You respond softly. “It’s nice to see you.” He digs his hands into his pockets, head tilting to the side.
“It’s nice to see you, too. It’s been so long.” He smiles. He’s the first to step forward and envelope you in a hug, taking in his scent as you hug him back. Oddly enough, everything feels the same. Felix’s hugs have always been the best, and part of you hates having to part once the moment is over. “You look amazing, Y/N.”
“You do, too.” You point at his hair. “Though, I have to say the blue hair was a surprise?” He laughs and nods.
“Uh yeah, was kinda a bet with some of my friends.”
“It looks good though, you pull it off well.” 
“Thank you.” He licks his lips before nodding towards the bench further down the path. “Do you wanna catch up?” He pauses. “I-I mean it’s fine if you wanna get back to the party, totally understand. I just thought we could kill two birds with one stone and–”
“I’d love to.” You cut him off with a sweet smile, letting Felix lead the way to the bench. 
And so here you are, sitting side by side with Felix— enjoying the night while the music continues to play in the background. You start by telling Felix what you’ve been up to all these years, how your parents have been, living life in the city. Felix says he’s been in and out of the city, traveling back and forth between Australia to hang out with family in between work. You share lots of laughs when you update each other about family and their whereabouts, reminiscing about the times when your families would have lots of fun together. The both of you also talk about how it’s been awhile since everyone’s been under the same roof, but it’s a nice occasion to be together. Then, somehow, the conversation shifts to love and dating. You awkwardly tell Felix that you haven’t really been in a serious relationship since graduation. You’ve dated around, but nothing felt right.
Nothing felt equally balanced, or like it was meant to be.
But, it’s okay. You reassure him you’ve been okay focusing on you and doing your own thing. In time, you’ll welcome whatever is meant to be in your life. And Felix tells you he’s glad to hear that— that he’s also dated around but things just didn’t feel right, either.
“Y/N.” He calls for you as he looks out, then shifts his attention back to you. “Are you happy?” He looks at you, really looks at you, and he doesn’t take his eyes off of you. Almost like he’s doing his best to read you, to find the answer deep within your orbs, your body language.
“I guess so, yeah.” You softly smile at him before looking at the view. “Are you?” He shrugs a bit.
“Yeah. Think so.” He licks his lips and lets out a small breath. “As long as you’re happy, then that’s all that matters to me.”
“Thanks, Lix.” There’s a comfortable silence that falls between you two after that conversation. But, something shifts in the air; shifts enough to the point where you feel Felix’s eyes rest back on you from your peripherals. The sudden tension could be felt from miles away, but you’re not sure how to act on it. The simplest thing you could do is—
“I’m sorry, is there something on my face?” You break the silence and ask, a bit confused as to why Felix just keeps looking at you, staring; fixed. He lets out a small laugh before shaking his head.
“No, there isn’t. I just—” He pauses. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N. Always been. I can’t help it.” He says, eyes softening again as he settles on your features. He gently brushes the hair away from your face, thumb trailing down to your cheek to caress the surface. You lean into his touch a little more, having to pull away when you realize the reality of this all.
It’s funny how life works.
“You know.. I think I’m gonna call it a night.” You shyly chuckle and look down at your lap, hands awkwardly rubbing away at the fabric of your dress as you let the excuse linger in the air for a second. “I didn’t realize how exhausted I was after all that dancing and singing.” Felix chuckles. He feels a little embarrassed, but he also dug himself into this one. He shouldn’t have reached out so quickly. He couldn’t help it.
“Do you need me to drive you anywhere?”
“No, I rented out a room for the night solely for this reason.” You stand with Felix following suit.
“Let me walk you to your room then?”
“Oh, you really don’t have to Lix. I’ll be okay.” He smiles hearing the nickname roll off your tongue.
“I want to.” You look at him with a small smile and nod.
“Okay. I just need to grab my things.” He follows behind, keeping a safe distance just to keep you comfortable– not knowing that you’d rather have him close than far away.
Inside, everyone is still keeping up the energy except for a few that have either left, or decided to sit down for the remainder of the night. Reggie is drinking water at your table, and he can’t help but throw a certain look your way when he sees you walking in with Felix following right behind you. You catch on though, and you simply shrug while Felix returns to his friends to let them know he’s heading out.
“Okay so.. what exactly is happening here? Miss ‘It’s been so long, I don’t even know what I’d say to him.’” You roll your eyes and grab your things.
“I’m heading up to my room. Felix is just walking me there.”
“Walking you all the way up to the second floor? Goodness me.” You laugh and shake your head. 
“You should get to yours soon, too.”
“Mhm, I want a progress report tomorrow morning.” He puckers his lips before eyeing you up and down. 
“Stop it.” You glare at him. “I love you, goodnight.” You simply tell him before turning on your heel to bid your other friends goodbye, along with the bride and groom.
“Get it girl, I love you too!” You hear him respond just as you continue your goodbye’s until you’re near the entrance, with Felix waiting right outside the doors in the hallway. 
“Hope you’re ready for a good long trip up to the second floor.” Felix laughs.
“Yeah, sounds pretty exhausting, honestly. It’s been a night.”
“It has, but I had lots of fun.”
“I did too.” He steps inside the elevator after you, leaning back against the railing. He eyes your figure, the way the dress hugs your curves nicely, heels strapped around your ankles. You’ve always been so beautiful; everything about you, inside and out. You can see the way Felix is focused on you through his reflection on the elevator doors in front of you, and it makes your heart do flips.
Because he does that thing he always does— when he tilts his head at a certain angle just to see you, read you, perfectly. Knowing you’ll meet his eyes at some point just for him to pull you in closer.
To plant a kiss on your lips,
Down to your jaw,
Collarbone—
“Y/N, is this not your floor?” Felix asks, breaking you out of your thoughts when you realize he’s holding the elevator doors open.
“Oh, right. Yeah, sorry. Just zoned out for a bit.” He lets out a tiny laugh as he watches you walk down the hallway, turning right at the end to get to the second door. You tap your hotel key against the reader, hand twisting the handle to unlock the door. Before you can open it fully, you turn back to Felix— seeing him quietly standing there with his hands dug into his pockets. “This is me. Thanks for walking me to my room, Lix.”
“Course. I guess I’ll let you be.” He smiles toothlessly at you. Your inner dialogue is conflicted right now, wondering if you should just let him be and let this end right where it is—
While the other half is yearning to keep him around, to have his company, to just be with him even after all these years.
“Have a good night, pretty girl.” He continues, hoping that he really doesn’t have to part with you right now. He’s not gonna force it though, and he’s not gonna say anything else— even though he feels like he has a lot more to say to you tonight. Maybe this is how it was meant to be after all, which Felix will have to learn to put to rest if it truly ends this way.
But, before he can turn on his heel to walk away, you follow up with:
“Actually, do you wanna just stay and hang out a bit more?”
“If it’s not a bother.”
“Never. Sorry, I should’ve asked earlier. I just didn’t want to make it awkward or whatever.”
“Could never be that way with you, Y/N.” You chuckle, stepping in and letting Felix follow you in. You set your clutchbag onto the side table at the corner of the room, undoing your heels and setting them aside. 
“God, that feels amazing.” Felix laughs as he sits on the edge of your bed, watching as you get comfortable. “I can’t wait to get comfortable. You have a room here, right?”
“Mhm.”
“Do you wanna change and just come back here? I feel bad that I’ll be the only one getting comfortable.” He laughs a bit and shakes his head.
“I’m good for now. I promise.” He watches as you undo your necklace. “Need help with your dress?” You look at him through the mirror as you set your necklace down onto the drawer and silently nod. “I got you.” He says, getting behind you to help you unzip your dress. It’s something small, but so intimate and sweet.
And with Felix, it feels perfectly right. Even if years have passed. You never feel out of place with him, and he only feels like home to you.
He slowly unzips your dress, eyes trailing down as his hand falls down to the small of your back. You feel his breath tickle the back of your neck, body only inches away from yours as he keeps his position there.
“Felix.” You softly call his name, and he can tell. He just knows. He looks at you through the mirror, hand slowly wrapping around your waist.
“Is it weird to say that I’ve really missed you?” He says lowly as his eyes trail down your neck this time, fixed on the weak spot that he remembers so, so well.
“No. I’ve missed you, too.”
“I mean it.” His fingers are fiddling with the strap of your dress. “When I saw you tonight, you were all I could think about. Not that anything’s changed, but—“ He lazily slips the strap down, letting it fall to the side as his finger traces a line up your arm; to the curve of your shoulder. “I just couldn’t believe that I was finally seeing you again.”
“Lix.” The way you breathily release his name from your lips tells him everything he needs to know. You’ve missed him too, you’ve really, really missed him, too. And of course he feels the same way you do— absolutely. If it wasn’t for shit falling into place at the wrong time, Felix was sure that he’d still be loving you the way he was before.
No question.
Nothing has changed. The love he’s had for you will always mean more to him than anything in this world.
Felix still feels like love, adoration, fun.
Sweetness.
And if you let him, he would also feel like sadness, anger, hurt.
Pain.
Because Felix is love, and everything that love entails. 
“Missed everything about you.” He says, planting a feathery kiss on your shoulders. “Missed the way you laugh.” Another kiss on your shoulder. “The way you smile.” Another near the base of your neck. “Just you.” He says near your ear, reading your expression. You bite onto your bottom lip and finally turn to face him, his hand coming back up to rest on your cheek. “Always been you, love.” His thumb is caressing the surface, giving you leverage to plant a kiss on the palm of his hand.
“Always been.” You mutter back, allowing Felix to fully take you—all of you— in this moment. 
Sooner or later, your dress is on the floor while you continue to keep your lips pressed against Felix’s in the heat of the moment; afraid to break the kiss and create distance. You don’t ever want Felix away from you again, no. You want him close— with you, for you, by you. 
Just you.
He takes his time with you, letting his hands roam across every inch of your body while he takes you in and settles in between your thighs; pressing his pink, plump lips across your body like he’s soothing you, making up for the years that you’ve lost. 
You’re tangled up in him, but you find that there’s no other place that you’d rather be than here; giving Felix the freedom to love you, love on you, however he chooses to tonight. You trust him to take care of you because he always has, and he always will.
It’s not long before your hands are gripping the sheets, repeatedly calling Felix’s name like a mantra. He praises you as he picks up the pace, pounding relentlessly to show his need for you. His lips graze the surface of your neck, collarbone, chest, whispering sweet nothings into your skin:
Missed everything about you.
So perfect for me, love.
So beautiful, so pretty.
Always been you.
All about you.
He continues, and continues— holding you close to his body while he tries to go slower, deeper; hitting all the right places that you like so much just to hear you, see you, writhe underneath him. 
You.
Let me be yours.
“Fuck, Lix. I’m close—“ Is the only thing that you’re able to say as you feel the coil within you threatening to unravel. And he must feel it too with the way that his hips begin to stutter, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he tries to hold on. He feels your walls completely tighten around him, pulsating as your face contorts in pleasure and a silent moan leaves your lips. 
“Baby, where do you want me— fuck— I’m—“ Felix barely lets out. You reassure him that he’s okay to let go inside of you, and not a second passes before he’s painting your walls. His forehead falls onto yours just as the both of you come back down from your highs, focusing on regulating your breathing after the intense pleasure that washed over you. “Are you okay, angel? You’re not hurt, are you?” He asks, close to a whisper. He kisses you lightly on the tip of your nose, before he seals one off on your lips. He holds it there for awhile before pulling back, realizing you still have yet to respond to him.
“I’m okay. Not hurt.” He nods.
“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” Felix takes his time cleaning you up and soothing you, helping you get washed up and ready for bed just before he leaves to do the same.
For a moment, you feel like everything is over. That maybe, that was the closure you needed to finally close off that chapter in your book. That maybe, that was it to Felix and you’d return to being [somewhat] strangers again. It makes you a little scared, a little anxious.
But, it all blows away when Felix comes back, dressed for bed just as he had said. He shuts off your lights and slips into the bed next to you, pulling the sheets up so that you’re comfortable.
“For a second, I didn’t think you were actually going to come back.” He lets out a small, breathy laugh as he wraps his arm around you and pulls you flush to his body.
“What, why not? I’m here to stay, love. Not going anywhere.”
“Even when tomorrow comes?”
“Even when tomorrow comes.” He kisses the back of your head. “Unless, you have other plans already?”
“No. Just you.” He chuckles.
“Sounds like a plan to me.” You snuggle closer to him, allowing his warmth to completely envelope your body. Before you know it, you’ve fallen into a deep sleep in Felix’s arms, and he does too. Even when the morning comes, you still find yourself wrapped around Felix and snuggled against his body, light kisses being pressed against your head when you wiggle in his arms.
It’s funny how life works.
Because this time around, Felix is here, lying beside you; making things feel right, connected. Balanced. You shift in your position to look at him because this time around, you’re staring at the one man who, up until now, still means the entire universe to you. 
Then, it’s also funny how life works; when life decides that this is your person, and this is finally the right time.
This time around. 
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—perm taglist: @ppiri-bahng @jihanlovic @meloncremesoda @sweetlikecherry @asjkdk @hanji-cafe
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allyeardepression · 11 days
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@jegulus-microfic | april 18 sock | words: 585
tw: slight nfsw, walking in on someone, swearing
“Stop leaving your socks all over the place!” Sirius heard from the first floor.
“Stop being a dick; they’re on my side of the room!”
“Oh, trust me, I can be worse!” And then there was a loud thud, probably Regulus throwing something at James to prove that he could indeed be worse.
Sirius sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. It had been like that since the beginning of the holidays, because everyone forgot to rent a place with six rooms instead of five, so that James and Regulus could sleep separately. When the two of them found out, they reacted in two different ways: James didn’t mind (It’s not like we’ll be spending a lot of time here); Regulus, on the other hand, threw a tantrum like a five-year-old (I can’t share a bed with this asshole for the next six weeks). Unfortunately, there was no other way, since neither of them would sacrifice a comfortable bed to sleep on a couch in the living room. So for the past two weeks, all ten of them were doomed to listen to the senseless arguments the two others provided.
They were all getting tired of it—they came to Italy to rest, not to feel like children while their parents were getting divorced.
“I swear to god, if they don’t stop until tomorrow, at least one of them won’t come back to London,” Barty grumbled, handing a cup of orange juice to each one of his boyfriends. The girls hummed in agreement.
They sat at the big table in the kitchen, having breakfast. Dorcas and Marlene listed all the places they could go to today, while Lily and Pandora were serving more pancakes and scrambled eggs.
“I think the gallery and chapel sound the best,” commented Mary, throwing a grape at Peter, which he caught with his teeth.
After that, they sat in a comfortable silence, chewing on their respective meals.
The silence was almost… too comfortable.
“Do you think they killed each other?” Sirius asked, breaking the moment of peace.
“Who cares? At least they’re quiet,” Evan replied, shoving another forkful of eggs into his mouth.
Sirius turned to Remus, starting a silent conversation. After a few seconds, his boyfriend nodded and stood up, with Sirius following suit. They went upstairs, stopping in front of blue door. From behind them came quiet gasps and muffled words neither of them could understand.
The black-haired man knocked at the door gently. “Reggie? Prongs? Are you guys okay?” When, after nearly a minute, there was still no answer, he decided to enter the room.
“Guys, are you—what the fuck?” He was expecting everything: blood all over the place, black eyes, broken bones, shattered windows—everything except James holding one hand on Regulus’ throat, the other on his dick, his own probably inside Sirius' little brother.
All four of them froze, staring at each other with wide eyes, until the youngest finally grabbed the blanket laid in front of him, covering himself and James.
“Why the fuck would you come in without being allowed?” Regulus hissed.
“We thought you were dead,” Sirius answered, unnaturally calm. “I just wanted to check if you were alright.”
“Well, you know now, so get out,” the younger Black replied, making a dismissive gesture with his free hand. Sirius didn’t need much convincing to do so.
When Remus closed the door behind them, the shorter man turned to him.
“You know Moony,” he said, staring blankly. “I think I need to bleach my brain.”
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villain-crown · 24 days
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forbid | @jegulus-microfic | words: 657
critical care, part 3 (part 1, part 2, part 4, part 5, part 6)
a Jegulus nurse!AU
The thing about calling a code blue was that it could quickly turn into social hour if you weren’t careful. Mates that you hadn’t seen in awhile came out of the woodwork from all over the hospital to get in on the action, leading to a sort of impromptu reunion over the patient you were working to snatch from the claws of death.
“Lily! Oh my god, I haven’t seen you in ages—“
“Dorcas! What unit are you on these days?”
“Oi, Barty, I thought they fired you!”
Like now, apparently, as every person James had ever fucking met decided to grab a front row seat to spectate as he tried to make small talk with Regulus Black.
“It was a lovely day yesterday,” James began when they’d finished delivering a second shock to their patient. “The sun was out. Do you get out much, Regulus?”
James could feel Sirius’s suspicious gaze as Regulus glanced incredulously away from the new rhythm tracing itself on the cardiac monitor.
Still v. fib.
“…No. Sirius locks me in my bedroom and just lets me out four days a week when it’s time for me to be here—what the fuck kind of question is that, Potter!?”
Bloody hell, but Dorcas had clearly lied to Marlene about Regulus’s personality.
Sweet, Dorcas had called him.
No. This was a feral devil cat with a mouth full of knives and Merlin save him but James was so fucking into it.
“I wouldn’t rule that out,” Barty Crouch Jr. butted in unnecessary, watching Regulus’s vitriol land with an entertained expression. “One time I asked Reg if he wanted to check out my new apartment and Black threatened to peel my face off and put it on the CPR mannequin. I still haven’t gotten a proper answer.”
“There’s no need for him to go anywhere with you unsupervised, Crouch,” Sirius scowled, turning up the energy level of the defibrillator for their next attempt. “Just describe it to him.”
“Describe it? Well, okay. Picture it, Reg. You and Evan, in my bed—“
“Stop messing with him, idiot,” Regulus rolled his eyes, finally shoving Crouch’s arm off his delicate shoulders as Sirius picked up a spare saline flush and squirted it right in the blond’s face. To Sirius, he added, “he’s just trying to get a rise out of you, you know.”
“I’m calling HR you fucking asshole!”
“Fine, if you want to play that game. I’m sure they’d love to hear about you taking it from Lupin in the supply room last month.”
“Reggie! You can’t say dirty things like that! I forbid it!”
“I say a lot worse under the right circumstances, Sirius.”
James felt a flash of lightning race down his spine as Regulus maintained unwavering eye contact with him as he said so, ignoring Sirius’s outraged sputtering.
“I told you not to let Sirius catch you looking at his baby brother,” Marlene pointed out in an undertone, sidling up to James in the already crowded room.
“He’s bloody perfect.” James replied, unrepentant. “I’m going to marry him.”
“Dorcas called him sweet. I’m not getting that vibe.”
“Maybe he just needs a little… persuading.”
Marlene rolled her eyes, opening the airway drawer of the crash cart at Dorcas’s behest. “He’s mean, James.”
“He’s pretty, Marlene.”
“…You aren’t going to see reason, are you?”
“Absolutely not. Regulus Black is going to have my children.”
She looked back at the petite man with obvious misgivings. “If he doesn’t kill you first.”
“He could carve his initials into me with a scalpel and I’d thank him.”
“…You’re fucking crazy.”
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hitmewithsomebooks · 3 months
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@jegulus-microfic Jan 22 - cry
437 words
Tw: knife cut (accidental)
~
“Oh— fuck!” Regulus yelled, and James was in the kitchen in an instant.
“What’s wrong??”
“Nothing, I just cut myself, the fucking knife slipped…” Regulus answered, hissing as he stuck his finger under the tap.
“Oh, Reggie…” James frowned, examining the cut. It wasn’t severely deep, certainly not to the bone or anything, but it wasn’t a little scratch either.
“Here, let me.” The older man said, grabbing a washcloth from the shelf and wetting it. He wrapped it around Regulus’s finger, then led him to the bathroom.
“Sit there.” James instructed, pointing to the edge of the tub, and Regulus did, holding the washcloth tightly around his finger. James dug through sink drawers, finding gauze and bandages. He brought over a new, dry washcloth as well, removing the wet one. Regulus winced.
“I know, love.” James soothed, drying the area. He then unpackaged the gauze, beginning to wrap the cut snugly. After a few seconds, Regulus’s hand began shaking. James assumed it was simply pain, until he heard a sniffle. He glanced up, to find tears rolling silently down the younger man’s face.
“Reggie, baby, what’s wrong?” James asked, brows furrowing in concern.
“It’s, um, its nothing, ‘s dumb, I’m sorry, —”
"No, it's not nothing. Talk to me." James interrupted, finishing wrapping up his injured finger. He set the gauze and bandages down, tugging Regulus until he came down to the floor with him.
“Just… no one’s ever done that for me before.” Regulus answered quietly, forehead resting against James’s neck.
“What, wrapped a cut?”
“Yeah. Or anything, really. I sobbed the first time Pandora brushed my hair.” Regulus added, and James was overcome with sadness.
“Oh, Reg…” he murmured softly, clutching him tighter. Regulus chuckled, the sound watery.
“I’m okay, James, don’t worry. It’s just overwhelming sometimes.” Regulus answered, smiling against his neck.
“If you say so. But I’m not going to stop. From now on, I’m gonna kiss your every boo-boo. I’m gonna braid your hair, and button your coat, and absolutely brush your hair, and I’ll give you massages… anything you want, Reggie.” James babbled, his words coming out distractedly.
Regulus loved when he got like this. Sometimes James became so filled up with whatever emotion, whether it was anger or sadness, joy or jealousy, he would babble whatever came to his mind. He always sounded so passionate, and Regulus could listen to him all day. He pressed a kiss to James’s head, finally slowing the words tumbling out of his mouth. James leaned into him, rubbing a hand up his back.
“I love you, Reg.”
“I love you too, James.”
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theprongspotter · 4 months
Text
24 Promots til Christmas: Day 17
“Ugly Sweater” (Jegulus)
“No. Absolutely not.” Regulus shakes his head and crosses his arms. He will not be wearing something so ugly and atrocious— something that’s such an eyesore.
“Baby, please.” James pouts. “Everyone else will be wearing them.”
“I said no, James.” Regulus scowls.
“But our sweaters would even match, Reggie. You only have to wear it this one time for the Christmas party, and that’s it,” James says. “Please, Regulus. Just this once for me?” He pleads, giving his best puppy eyes.
Regulus is silent, and James thinks he’s not going to agree until he sighs and his shoulders sag. “Okay, Jamie, but just this once.”
James laughs, wrapping him in a hug, and kisses his boyfriend’s cheek. “Thank you, love!”
After Regulus pulls the sweater over his head, he looks at himself in the mirror. There’s a reindeer puking up candy canes and chocolates on his bright green sweater. James has the same sweater, but in bright, obnoxious red. “James, this is quite literally the more hideous sweater I have ever seen.”
The raven haired man chuckles. “That’s the point, sweetheart.”
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curtsycream · 3 months
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She’s Her
Regulus Black x Reader
Just a fleeting idea of Regulus ending up with a very confident woman that knows what she wants and what she wants is him. He deserves the love and she’s willing to give it all and more
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He knew what was going to happen the second he got himself involved with her. But he couldn’t help it she was more than worth the consequences. His idea of reality was always warped by the look in her foxy eyes and the slight rasp in her breathy voice.
Licking his lips he runs his fingers through his hair trying to regain his bearings. There she sat in his chair reading the newspaper, his newspaper. “How did you get in?”
The confidence he wanted to emit was nothing more than a whisper. Caught in his throat as the newspaper was lowered to reveal her intoxicating stare. A stare that made him take a step forward as if she was luring him in.
Shaking his head he points at her, “no! Why do you always do this to me?”
Listening to the crack in his voice and the pleading look in his eyes she smiled coyly. “What do you mean, baby?”
She knew exactly what she was doing as she purred out her question. Her sultry expression made him look away quickly, “that!”
“Oh darling, I don’t think I know what you mean.”
“The way you look at me! How you speak to me! The way you make me feel,” he finally admitted. She laughed standing from the chair as she walked towards him. Her movements were slow and calculated as she rested a hand on his chest.
“That’s called love if I’m not mistaken,” she whispers looking up at him with a grin.
“Yeah? And how do you know it’s not infatuation or lust?”
“Easy..” she says as she pulls him down by his tie to be eye level. “Only a man in love would drop everything to make sure the woman they love are okay. You’re sick with love and the only cure is…”
Furrowing his eyebrows he looks into her eyes, “is?”
She let go of his tie before shrugging as she walked past him, “is nothing Black…you’re stuck with me forever and ever Reggie.”
He watched her leave his living room as she walked up the stairs, “where are you going?”
“Upstairs, I’m hoping you’d join me. I know you will, you always do,” she told him as she disappeared upstairs.
Crossing his arms he stands there for a moment, “I’m not…I’m not following..” he said to himself. “Pfft…who does she..” his eyes trailed back towards the stairs. He stood there for a few seconds before running up the stairs, “I wanted to come up here. Not because of you but because I wanted to.”
“Whatever you say Reggie,” she called out listening to him rush down the hall to his bedroom. Opening her arms wide she laughed as he got into bed just to end up in her arms. A place he found himself more than he’d like to admit.
“Maybe you’re a little right,” he uttered.
“Only a little?” She mused.
“Maybe…maybe often,” he was hesitant but he knew that this was something he couldn’t live without. He never knew how much a person could love until he found himself in her arms.
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Today's @wolfstarmicrofic prompt is suitor!
(773 words.)
Sirius stares at his own reflection in the mirror, wishing, for once, that he could switch his emotions off like the rest of his family. He doesn't really want to look at himself in his dress robes. It just reminds him of what he's about to do, the life laid out in front of him, which he really doesn't want to think about. Every time he remembers the suitor at the end of the aisle, the marriage his parents have decided he needs, their desperation to 'fix him', he feels nauseous.
That thought just sends him down a rabbit hole, the ghost of a memory of amber eyes, a slightly crooked smile, and an embrace that felt like home being all he has left. Well, that and the knowledge that the only man he's ever loved probably hates him. Sometimes he wonders what his life could have been if he'd just... run. Gotten away from the hellish life that the Black family have left him with.
"Sirius." Regulus' voice drags him out of his thoughts, turning to face his little brother.
"Oh. Hi." He doesn't mean for his voice to sound so... hollow, so dejected. Still, he does his best to offer Regulus a smile. "How come you're not in your seat? We're starting soon. Mum'll flip her shit."
He expected Regulus to roll his eyes, maybe smile slightly if he's in a decent mood, but his expression doesn't falter. There's a slight furrow in his brow, the only sign that he's concerned.
"Sirius, you can't do this," He says slowly, stepping inside the small room and shutting the door behind him. The words stun Sirius, freezing him for a moment.
"What? Reggie, what d'you mean-"
"You're not getting married today. You shouldn't," He insists, which does nothing but confuse Sirius.
"Reg, I don't really think I have a choice, here. Where's this coming from?"
"...I ran into Remus." The admission sends Sirius' heart into overdrive, a wave of dizziness hitting him. It's like someone has stolen the breath from his lungs, memories attacking him from every angle.
"What?" The word comes out slightly breathless, shock overwhelming him.
"He asked about you. He loves you, Sirius, it was obvious."
"But I- I abandoned-"
"No, you didn't, and he knows you didn't. He was just happy to hear that you were alive. Sirius, you can't keep living like this. We both know it."
Realistically, Sirius knows this. He knows that he won't be able to take it much longer in his family, but he's been able to shove it to the back of his mind. He made it his goal to distract his family from Regulus, and it's been enough to keep him going.
Hearing his little brother telling him he's making a mistake makes everything feel much more real.
"Reg, what are you saying?" He asks carefully.
"I'm saying you need to leave. Today. Now, if you can." Just as Sirius opens his mouth to ask where the fuck he would go, Regulus stops him. "Here," He pulls a scrap of parchment out of the pocket of his dress robes, surging forward and shoving it into Sirius' hand. "James and Remus' addresses are both on here, I got them off Remus. He should know you're coming. You need to go."
"Reggie, I can't-"
"Yes, you can! You have to!" His tone leaves minimal room for argument, but Regulus isn't even going to let him try. "I know why you've stayed as long as you have, and you're a bloody idiot for it. I'll be okay, Sirius."
"Then you can leave with me," He says desperately, reaching out to grasp his brother's hand. Regulus just shakes his head.
"I can't. One of us needs to stay here, and it sure to fuck isn't going to be you. Just... go and find Remus, okay? Please."
Sirius meets his brother's eyes, startled to find that his face is softened, almost pleading with Sirius. He's giving Sirius a way out. One that he's not going to find again, and he's not taking no for an answer.
Remus' face comes full force back to the front of his mind. Vaguely, he wonders if he looks the same. If he's gotten any new scars, if he would still look at Sirius in that same way that made him weak at the knees, that he conjures when he can't sleep, when he needs comfort.
"Go, Sirius. You deserve to be happy," Regulus' voice urges him. It's the one that cracks his resolve. The desperation in his brother's voice is breaking him.
He needs to go.
Remus is waiting for him.
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ellecdc · 2 months
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Hey L saw your requests were open and was wondering if i can ask for regulus black dating headcanons? (You know one of those long, long headcanons that you can’t finish while reading bc i love reggie so much and there aren’t enough fics for him-)
Anyways. Love your works specially your remus series, a man with a plan 🥹 it’s so cute and very well written.
Mwah <3
Hey lovely!! Thanks so much for requesting - this was fun!! I love head canons. Hopefully this scratches that itch of yours
The formatting got messed up when I moved this from a word doc so my apologies - let me know if it's too difficult to follow: 💫 = head canon, -> subcategory, and anything indented is a sub-subcategory)
Dating Regulus Black Headcanons:
No voldemort AU, okay guys? I don’t fuck with that man. 
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💫Falling in love with the witty (sometimes snide), smart, and quiet Slytherin was as easy as breathing – actively loving this man was NOT easy in the slightest
💫It took you months of talking, ‘accidentally’ being in the same room as him, sitting beside him in potions or the library and forcing him to talk to you before he finally went “what are you doing?”
-> “I like you” you responded
-> “Why?” he asked incredulously. Which, fair enough; you suppose he didn’t make much effort to talk back to you, or reach out to you, or participate in your conversations, but that’s not what you liked about him anyway
You liked his stoicism, it brought a sense of calm to you You liked how he didn’t always feel the need to fill the silence You liked how clever he was, and how he (even if he pretended you were exasperating) helped you with your studies when you got stuck  You liked his snide comments he made about people under his breath, and how he got surprised when you laughed at them – not really realizing he said them aloud to you to begin with  You liked his loyalty and sense of duty to the people who were important to him
-> “I just do” you settled for with a shrug of your shoulders
-> That answer didn’t exactly satisfy Regulus, but he accepted it nonetheless 
💫 He was a little bit more of a willing participant in your relationship after that 
💫 You’d come out of classrooms to find him waiting for you so he could walk you to your next class or to the Great Hall together for lunch 
💫 He’d always take a helping of your favourite food at breakfast/lunch/dinner just in case you wanted an extra serving, which he’d happily let you pick off of his plate
💫 He found out his brother was becoming an animagus during 4th year (though he didn’t know the reason) and took the attitude of “anything my brother can do, I can too.” And set out to become and animagus as well.
-> You wouldn’t let him do it alone, however
-> You both successfully became animagi and told no one.
💫 You guys never really discussed what the spending-time-with-each-other meant, Regulus had always been a little more than flighty in the past, and you didn’t want to scare him away.
💫 One evening, you were in an empty classroom trying to finish up a project where you could take up as much space as possible without bothering anyone when Regulus came bursting through the door
-> You don’t know how he even knew that you were here or how to find you, but he was clearly looking for you when his face crumpled when he found you
-> “Y/N” he whimpered
-> Without thinking, you threw your arms open, and he fell into your embrace
-> You sat in that classroom, holding Regulus as he sobbed into your chest for merlin knows how long, neither of you saying a word
-> He finally seemed to settle and pulled back from your embrace, though he wouldn’t make direct eye contact with you
-> “He left.”  He said simply
-> “Who?”
-> “Sirius, he ran away this summer, never came back. I thought – ugh – I thought when I saw him at school, I could convince him to come back home, come back to…me…”
-> You let the silence permeate in the air as he gathered his thoughts
-> “He’s not coming back, he’s…he left me. There. With them.”
-> You weren’t sure what to say – you didn’t want to disparage his family, Sirius least of all, knowing how much Regulus admired his older brother whether he admitted that out loud or not, and you knew (at least what Regulus had been willing to share with you) what the Black’s had put those boys through. 
-> You wanted to promise him he wasn’t alone – that he would always have Sirius, always have you – but it felt too much like a declaration, and you were too scared to do that when he was so fragile 
You knew he’d likely not believe you anyway – thinking you only said it to him because he was desperate to hear it
-> You settled with a simple “I’m sorry, Reggie.” And another hug
💫 Over the Christmas holidays, a black cat with grey eyes showed up at your family home
-> You called out to him, and he seemed to faint; almost as if he knew it was safe now that he’d seen you 
-> through the dark fur you could see some blood. You knew that what you couldn’t see underneath it would be far worse. You apologized to Regulus’ unconscious being before grabbing his animagus form and heading to the fireplace in your home, throwing a handful of floo powder into the hearth and calling for Potter Manor.
-> You were greeted by a well-dressed house elf
“I’m sorry to drop in unannounced. It’s an emergency. Is Sirius here?” The house elf snapped her fingers and a few moments later reappeared with a sleep rumpled Sirius “Y/N? What are you doing here?” “It’s regulus.” Sirius seemed to wake up rather quickly at that. “Is he okay?” You gently placed the cat onto the ground and cast a quick finite over his form, causing the animal to stretch back into Regulus. Sure enough, he was bleeding and bruised, though thankfully, most of his wounds seemed superficial. But he was clearly gaunt – like he hadn’t been eating or sleeping, and he was passed out from sheer exhaustion.
💫 Regulus stayed with the Potter’s ever since. He wouldn’t speak to you for some time after that however, feeling slightly betrayed that you brought him to Sirius
-> “I came to you, Y/N. If I’d wanted Sirius’ help, I would have asked for it!”
-> “Like hell you would have! You’ve never once accepted a lick of respite from anyone in your life. Martyrdom doesn’t suit you, Regulus - grow up.”
-> “It was my choice to make!”
-> “You were unconscious! For all I knew, you could have been dying. I had to make that choice for the both of us!”
-> “Perhaps I made a mistake then.”
The ‘trusting you’ went unsaid, but you both heard it. It crushed you.
-> “Fuck you, Regulus. I’m done.”
💫 It was awkward back at school; you hadn’t realised that much of your daily rituals were accompanied by him 
-> You stopped sitting at the spot he saved for you in the Great Hall – and eventually, you stopped eating in the Great Hall altogether, opting to visit the kitchens to eat instead.
-> He stopped waiting for you outside of classes, and he no longer carried your books around the castle. 
-> He didn’t help you with your homework
-> You didn’t cheer him on in his Quidditch games 
💫 Sirius approached you one day in the library
-> “Hiding from my brother in the library? Not a very good spot, love.”
-> “What do you want, Black?”
-> “Ouch, last names. What’d I ever do to you.”
-> You took a steadying breath – you wanted to lash out at him, but he was right, he wasn’t the one who hurt you
-> “What do you want?” you tried again
-> “We’re mean…the Black’s. We don’t…treat people very well. I don’t mean to make excuses; there is no excuse. But we weren’t treated very well ourselves. It takes a lot of unlearning.”
->You stared into his eerily similar grey eyes. “Is that all?”
-> “Hurt people, hurt people. And it’s usually the people we love the most, because they’re there. It’s not right, but I just thought you should know.” He offered you a sad smile and a squeeze of your shoulder before he left.
->You understood what he was saying, but it didn’t make you feel any better
💫 One of your housemates approached you with a package the next day. “You weren’t at breakfast, and the owl seemed very upset she couldn’t deliver this, so I promised her I’d bring this to you.”
-> It was a small square shaped package – pure white paper with a black bow on it 
-> Inside was a small charm bracelet – silver – with one charm on it. A purple hyacinth. Constancy, regret, sincerity. 
-> You shoved the bracelet in its box and into your bag and carried on with the rest of your day.
💫 “Y/N?” You heard him call quietly as he rapped twice on the door to the empty classroom you were holed up in 
-> You turned to look at him with a glare you’re sure could have rivalled one of his
-> “I was hoping we could talk.” He continued as he made his way inside.
-> “Why? You think a gift makes everything okay again?”
-> Regulus grimaced as he sat across from you. “I’m not great at apologies.”
-> You scoffed. “Yeah, seeing as you haven’t actually made one…” You sat in an awkward sort of stare off before you shook your head and moved to pack your things
-> “Y/N, wait please. I-” he reached across the table and gently grabbed your wrist. You could see a small portion of a silver chain (matching the charm bracelet you had in your bag) on his wrist. “I’m sorry…I, I was wrong.”
-> You stopped your packing and watched him as he searched for the right words 
-> “You saved my life that night. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I shouldn’t have blamed you for anything – I should have just thanked you. Better yet, I should have told you how much I love you.”
-> You felt your breath catch in your throat. “love me?” you whispered
-> Regulus nodded and pulled out two charms from his pocket: a yellow lily (gratitude) and a rose…that one was pretty self explanatory.
-> You pulled out the box from your bag and allowed Regulus to attach the charms and clasp it on your wrist.
-> “I don’t think I’m going to ever be as good at loving you as you deserve, and I know I’m not easy to love, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to try.”
-> You saw nothing but earnestness and determination in his eyes
-> “I forgive you.”
💫 Regulus is a HUGE gift giver – really the only way he ever saw ‘love’ (or the Black’s messed up version of it) was through giving/receiving gifts. So that’s the best way he was able to express his love for you 
💫 You quickly learned that his love language (the way he received it) was through words of affirmation. He didn’t have anyone tell him he was loved, cherished, and appreciated growing up – you flustered him every time you complimented him. You delighted in the raging blush he’d get, especially if you whispered something in front of his friends. 
-> You also gifted him his own charms for his bracelet that matched yours
💫 On nights you couldn’t sleep, you’d meet him in the Astronomy tower where he’d teach you the constellations and the mythology behind them.
💫 Black’s are very territorial, but I don’t see Regulus being super loud about it. Like he wouldn’t make loud proclamations of ‘ownership’ or love, but he’d always be there
-> Think, staring hard at the other person flirting with you in the Great Hall
-> Taking a lock of your hair and moving it behind your ear or just twirling it between his fingers if someone looks at you too long 
💫 This man is SO unapproachable to everyone 
-> Stony faced ALWAYS – major RBF
-> Scowls at people who stand too closely to him, talk too loudly, say something dumb 
-> Did not let anyone touch him. Ever. Barty gets too close at breakfast = Barty ends up ass over tea kettle on the stone floor. Sirius throws an arm over his shoulder = Sirius getting an elbow to the gut
💫 So, you could imagine everyone’s surprise that when you come up from behind him where he’s sitting, lazily throw your arms over his shoulders and run your fingers through his hair, the man is practically purring. The softest smiles and eyes no one ever thought Regulus Black was capable of when he looked at you
-> “It’s like a different person. This isn’t the real Regulus, just some freaky clone.” Sirius once said.
💫 You blew his mind introducing him to muggle movies 
-> He’s a crier at all sad parts – even animated movies
💫 And he kept his promise – you gave him the chance to try, and he spent the rest of his life trying to love you the way you deserved to be
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ki-irke · 1 year
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Julie and the phantoms
Reader x luke Patterson
Reader is Luke’s girlfriend in the 90’s and was with them when he past away and years later when he’s a ghost he goes to vist her and she can see him
Love
Paring: Luke Patterson x reader
Summary: Luke goes to see his love for the first time after he past away, and it may be the last, but he doesn't expect them to stay together for much longer.
A/N: Ik it's not probably what you had in mind, it was a fun one and too cute to not make!
Words: 613
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"I'm going to see y/n," Luke said, looking at Alex.
"You sure? She could have family now, you know?" He asked, raising his eyebrows and carefully watching the brown-haired boy.
"Yeah. I just want to see her when I get the chance."
"Okay," Alex said, nodding his head. But Luke stayed for the next few hours. The thought of you being happy with someone else who wasn't him broke his heart. But he knows that this may be the last time he sees you.
So, while Julie was at school and Alex and Reggie were busy with each other, Luke teleported to where your house used to be.
The house still looked the same. The black fence was overgrown with some kind of ivy, which made it difficult to see the yard. Luke walked forward, putting his feet on the slices of wood that formed the path to the big, white house. He had always thought this place was magical, and seeing it still look the same after all these years made him believe it more. When he was about to walk into the house, the door opened. A tall, dark-haired man with a dog on a leash came out. Lukes' heart stopped for a second. Is this your boyfriend? Or even husband? After the man came a smiling woman. SHe leaned against the doorframe. The man turned around to send her a kiss and walked out of the yard. Before the woman could step back into the house, Luke invited himself inside.
Inside, there were small changes to a more modern one, but it still looked the same. The brown-haired boy eyed the woman carefully, who was now pulling a lighter out of a drawer. She was looking almost like the young you. He gave up looking around the house and simply followed the woman upstairs. The woman was like you. But something about her was different. Maybe it's the age, Luke thought. The women looked at white doors with pastel hearts on them. You didn't remove it after all these years? The woman took a deep breath and went inside.The first thing that caught Luke's attention was the large number of photos, candles, and flowers. What was happening?
"I'm sorry, y/n, that I couldn't save you," the woman said, tears streaming down her face. "All of this is my fault. Mum was right," she added, lighting every candle. Luke didn't know what was happening. You couldn't be dead. I mean, if you would, he could meet you. But who was the woman? Because it surely wasn't your mom. Maybe it's about your daughter?
And then the young girl walked slowly past him.
He didn't see her. But he immediately knew that it was you. You sat beside the woman, putting your head on her shoulder. But the woman continued crying.
"Y/N, if you're listening to me, I'm sorry." you blew out one of the candles near your family photo, which made the woman smile through her tears.
"It's okay, y/s/n. I wanted to protect you," you said, standing up but holding a hand on the woman's head. "She does this every time she's alone," you said softly, turning around to face Luke. It wasn't something funny, but it made him smile.
"Why are you smiling?" you laughed, moving closer to him.
"I thought you were still alive. That you have a new family," he said, but his smile soon dropped. "Did you–?" he asked, but you didn't let him finish.
"God, no. It was an accident, but it's a long story," Luke chuckled, hugging you.
"Well, we have plenty of time, love," he answered, lowering his head to kiss you slowly.
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1995 Rust Cohle NSFW Alphabet
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Alright, fellow fanfiction SLUTS. *cracks knuckles in preparation for typing all this shit out* Let’s do this. P.S. I hope you all like this because our Sad Boi is very hard to write for. 
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
There are shades of aftercare with Rust, and it all depends on where you’re at in your relationship. If you’ve just started seeing each other and having sex, I think aftercare won’t come naturally to him. It’s not necessarily that he means to be cold or anything; he’ll still offer to help clean you up and ask if you’re okay, but he won’t immediately go to pull you to him. He’ll be hesitant to initiate it, though if you curl yourself up to him, he’ll cautiously put his arm around you. He’s a bit stiff, and not sure what to say; honestly, he’s a little shellshocked at having you turn up in his life, and it surprises him the way he starts to feel something again.  Affection never came easy to him, and he hasn’t been this close to anyone, physically or emotionally, in years, yet he still secretly craves your nearness. As your relationship progresses and grows past the shoot out with Reggie and Dewall Ledoux, Rust starts to hold you tighter, to pull you closer after. The event kind of wakes him up; makes him aware of just how much you mean to him. He also begins to stroke your hair gently as he holds you, which is a surprisingly tender act from him. 
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Rust *needs* to feel your ass, hips, and waist. He’s a hard man whose life hasn’t been filled with much of anything soft, and he always marvels at the suppleness of your ass, the curve of your hips under his hands, no matter how many times he touches you. He grips your waist so hard sometimes he leaves bruises, but it’s never meant to hurt you. He just finds gripping these parts of you grounding when you have sex; his synesthesia can be pretty overwhelming then. He sees/feels a deep, pulsating rose color when he hears you moaning or when he cums, so something so tangible helps him refocus. He also loves your hair. It might seem like an innocuous thing to some, but to him it’s just another layer of softness to you; you offer him the comfort of your body so freely, and he can’t help but take it. Yes, pulling your hair during sex satisfies some animalistic need deep inside him, but he also loves the color and texture of it. When he starts to stroke it after sex, he realizes it’s not just a way to comfort you, but also himself.
As for his body, Rust would say he doesn’t care about anything so trivial, but that’s because he’s a fucking liar when it comes to his feelings sometimes. We all know that he cares about his hair. I submit for your consideration: his different hairstyles during the three different eras. 1995 Cohle does not just wake up with his dirty blonde hair effortlessly wavy; no, he spends at least 10 minutes putting product in it and then scrunching it, you can’t change my mind. In 2002, we see all that gel put in his hair in an effort to make it kinda spikey. That takes time. That takes effort. Let us also note that Rust, eschewer of all things material, is also spending his money on these products. Finally, 2012 Rust grew out his hair for a reason. Think about it: why did he take the time to wash it and put it in a little ponytail? He could've just shaved it all off or not bothered with putting it back, but he didn't.
You love his hair because he lets you touch it and run your fingers through it, which he finds comforting (although he pretends like he doesn’t need any comfort initially, but you can tell he loves it, so you keep doing it, even if he teases you about it). Over time he eases up about this, and even lets you hold his head in your lap. You also love his pensive blue eyes and long, elegant fingers especially when they’re pumping in and out of you. He gruffly says something like, “They’re just fingers, Y/N. Nothin’ special about them.” But again, he’s full of shit because he will purposefully do something fiddly with them just to get you riled up. 
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Even though Rust totally unloaded one unprotected into Maggie, and he would absolutely do the same with you the first time, I think he would be a bit horrified and panicked after the fact. In the heat of the moment, it felt amazing to cum inside you, but after that, when he realizes the sex is gonna be regular, he always makes sure to have a condom, or to pull out if not and you’re also on the pill. He is deeply afraid of getting you pregnant and has no desire to be a father again.
As mentioned in “B”, cumming for him can be pretty overwhelming; he sees and feels that deep, thrumming rose color, and sometimes when he cums really hard he sees a marine blue flooding it and mixing with it to make a sort of purple, maroon color. To be honest, he feels very vulnerable when he cums, so if at the start of your relationship you don’t have condom for some reason, he’ll flip you over and cum all over your ass. This way, he can grip you and ground himself (and he also thinks your ass looks lovely covered in his cum, but this is all going to be internal dialogue at this point). Once he’s gotten more secure in himself and actually opens up a bit more with you, he feels like it’s okay to face you eye-to-eye while he cums. Those sky-blue eyes boring into yours while he finds his release is a bit unnerving, but in a deliciously intimate way. In this position, if he doesn’t have a condom, he’ll pull out and cum on your pussy or breasts. He’ll start to tell you how beautiful he finds you like this. Since it’s a compliment coming from him, it makes you feel electric and powerful.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Okay, so hear me out: Rust wants to fuck you senseless in his biker jacket, either with him fully clothed as Crash wearing the jacket, or with you in nothing but the jacket. Either way, it’s a win for him. It’s not that it’s the filthiest fantasy a person could have, but he obviously struggles with verbalizing even his most basic emotional and physical needs. When he first met you, he couldn’t help but fantasize about it. He told himself it was just because it had been a long time and you were so pretty; it’s a basic human need to fuck, so he told himself that it wasn’t anything more than that. But if the frequency of how many times he dreamt this scenario is anything to go by, he was down bad for you. 
If he were to be dressed as Crash (let’s face it, it’s a persona for him), he would use either his belt or tie to bind your hands above you to the headboard and do whatever he wanted with you. He would not be gentle, and there would be bruises, but chasing his need, just using you like that, seems unbelievably satisfying to him. His mind would turn off for however long it took to get the urge out, and that sounds like a glorious thing to a mind that is continuously turning over. In the scenario where you would be wearing nothing but the jacket, he’d have you ride him like he was a bronco at a rodeo. He’d love to run his hands all over you as you just take your pleasure from him, and again, the peace of having his mind turn off and his body just be on sounds heavenly, if he believed in such a thing as heaven. 
(Spoiler alert: both these scenarios go down, and even though the world is shit and life is meaningless and men and women aren’t supposed to work and all that jazz, Rustin Cohle has a very, very good time.)
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
More than people like Marty or the other cops would think, but still not a ton. Rust really strikes me as demisexual, so he's not getting into bed at the drop of a hat. He did have to take pills to help him stay erect when he was undercover as Crash, since that whole scene was violent machismo and sexual conquest was a big part of that, and he hated every second of it, tried to get those encounters over as quickly as possible.
With the experiences he did want, however, Rust was always a very observant partner, and it won't be any different with you. Even though he might be afraid of intimacy, he doesn't strike me as the type to not pay attention to the sounds you make, to the way your fingers tighten on his shoulders and how your back arches when he hits a certain spot. He'll take his time to learn all of you and make sure to do those things that elicit the strongest reaction from you.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
There are a few, and like everything else with Rust, it's very dependent on what point in the relationship you're at. Initially, because of how vulnerable he feels and how much that both excites and makes him nervous, doggy style and both of you lying down on your sides with your back to him are his go to moves. He'll still try to connect with you, though, because he really does need intimacy even if he can't ask for it. He'll reach around and play with your clit, suck on your neck, or whisper "Good girl" when you cum.
Later on, he really wants to look in your eyes and watch your face as you fall apart, so he'll prefer missionary or you both lying down on your sides, face-to-face. This feels much more intimate for the both of you, and he tends to hike your legs up over his waist to get deeper in these positions. He'll also cradle your head and thread his fingers through your hair.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Lol, it's Rust Cohle, so NO. He's very focused on what's going on during sex and all the sensations he's feeling, and trying to be funny during the moment will pull him out of that state. Plus, he's not one to crack many jokes in nonsexual moments, though he does have a unique sense of humor that comes out sometimes. We see that when he has the conversation with Marty at the banh mi place and Marty tells him that he can't admit to having doubts. Rust replies, "I doubt that," with a cocky little attitude. And then when they reunite and interview the Childress' former maid, he makes the quip about hoping that she was wrong about death not being the end. 😸
Anyway, back to the matter at hand: he does get to a point where he can make a few cocky remarks and smirks during sex, but you wouldn't exactly call them jokes or him being goofy. Everything he does is with an intense seriousness.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Rust doesn't have much hair down there to trim anyway, but it is a bit darker than the rest of his hair. He really doesn't spend any time grooming it.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
We've established that while Rust can't verbalize his desires and emotions easily, especially when your relationship is new, he does deeply crave intimacy. That's because he doesn't actually want to completely disappear from humanity, no matter how much he says he does. We see it in the show in little ways, like when he decides to stay for dinner with Marty's family, when he tries to go on the double date, when he asks Marty how he's been after they finally start speaking again. He's someone who wants something meaningful, not superficial, because he's hurting so much from all of the loss he's suffered. So when he starts a relationship with you, he does make an effort, however unsure of how to do this he may be.
Intimacy with Rust isn't rose petals on the bed, or date nights at fancy restaurants, or even sweet words. He's a doer, not a talker. It's him pulling you tighter to him when he lets his guard down. It's him cradling your head softly while he's buried deep inside you and gazing into your eyes. It's him coming up behind you while you finish putting away the dishes together and turning you to him, kissing you deeply, and leading you by the hand to your shared bedroom where he makes you shake with passion around him.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
He’s never been one for masturbation, mostly because he’s very disconnected from his body; he spends so much of his time turning things over in his mind, sorting out his personal philosophy. BUT, when he first meets you and starts to have the fantasies involving Crash’s jacket, he does jerk off a few times to relieve the tension he feels around you. He thinks nothing physical will ever happen with you, and he hopes that by relieving the ache he feels when his pants tighten at the thought of you he might just get it out of his system and move on. He finds these feelings more frustrating than pleasurable at first, so he tries to get it over with as quickly as possible. (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work.) Instead, he finds himself craving you more and more. Once you finally hook up, he doesn’t feel the need to do it as much since he can just be with you if he feels the need. He’s very pro you masturbating, though, and thinks it’s sexy that you touch yourself to thoughts of him. He asks to watch you do it, which you gladly oblige. You get folded like a lawn chair after. 
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
*rubs hands together gleefully* Ooh, goody! Rust has a few kinks, one of them being the desire to tie you up and just take you (consensually, of course). The need to be in control and let go of all of the stress and tension he feels is very present, especially before the shoot out. He only wants to use his belt, his tie, or some other piece of fabric and not handcuffs, however, because that feels too much like his job and that doesn’t really turn him on. 
EDGING: he loves bringing you right up to the brink, and then pulling back. He does this during your longer sessions, as it makes more sense to do it then. Hearing you whimper at the loss of force or a slowed down pace when you were so close makes him even harder; and the sweet, desperate way you beg makes working you up all over again worth it. 
SHOTGUNNING: This is more of a pre- or post-sex kink, if that can be a thing. He just likes sharing the smoke with you and hearing you inhale it. He thinks it’s sexy. If you’re sitting on his lap facing him while you do it, it’s safe to assume he’ll get so turned on that you’ll get fucked hard. If it’s post-sex, then he’ll lazily watch you exhale the smoke, and it looks like a weird kind of halo around you.
STOCKINGS AND GARTERS: Rust doesn’t need you to have fancy lingerie, he’s a simple man. However, he finds stockings and garters very classy and very sensual, and if you wear a skirt that shows just a little bit of the garters when you move or bend over, he won’t be able to keep his hands off of you. He is secretly always hoping you will wear them because he just wants to run his hands up and down your thighs and over your hips and ass. If the stockings are crotchless, even better because he will definitely ask you to wear them during sex. 
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Rust doesn’t care very much about where you two have sex, so long as it’s safe and private. For instance, he would never have sex at the police station because one of his coworkers might walk in or overhear, and he would literally die if that happened. You’ve had sex in the backseat of his truck when the two of you went for a drive in the country at night; you were the only car on the road for over an hour, so it seemed private enough. The place he feels the most comfortable, though, is your place because everything there smells like you, and your bed is soft and warm. You have a lot of blankets and pillows, which he definitely does not have at his apartment, and he secretly likes being all cozied up to you after sex.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
We’ve mentioned the shotgunning and the garters and stockings, but there are other things that get him going. You showing any depth of knowledge about anything, whatever area you have a lot of skill or knowledge in, that really turns this brainy fucker on. He values knowledge, thoughtfulness, intelligence, intellect. He craves it in the shithole that is Louisiana*, and you’re like a breath of fresh air to him. It really excites him to be with someone who is as smart and caring as you. Speaking of which, showing any level of care towards him gets his blood pumping. Did you make a homecooked meal just for him? Fuck. Did you wash and iron his work shirt because you noticed he hadn’t had time to? Girl. Did you put a book back that had fallen off his bookshelf and he hadn’t bothered to pick up? OH BABY. He just appreciates the little things, because they show him how much you care about him, and that turns him on immensely. 
*As someone from Louisiana, I can confirm that Louisiana is a 100%, Grade A, USDA-certified intellectual shithole. It’s not a stereotype, it’s true. 
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
The thought of any sort of necrophilia, or anything where you’d pretend you were a corpse or something like somnophilia turns his stomach. Even though he might like to tie you up and have your movement limited, part of what’s so enjoyable about that is your response to his ministrations. You are very much alive, and he needs that feedback. Also, spending all day looking at DBs pretty much guarantees he wouldn’t want to see that when he gets off, even if it’s just pretend. 
Also: absolutely no daddy and mommy kink, for obvious reasons. I don’t think he’d want to be called “Daddy” in any context, and definitely not a sexual one. 
The thought of actually hurting you also makes him physically ill: light spanking and hair pulling is one thing, but choking you or slapping you across the face reminds him too much of his time undercover with the Iron Crusaders, and he has no desire to revisit that. 
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
He has no preference, and likes giving as much as he likes receiving. Very good at giving because he is so detail-oriented and pays attention to exactly how you respond with each flick of his tongue or drag of his teeth. He enjoys the way you taste, and will take his time eating you out, really working you up until you need him to finish you. 
For receiving, seeing you in nothing but his leather jacket, knelt down in front of him really does something to him. He could honestly spend all afternoon watching you trying to take all of his length in. He loses it when you kitten-lick the tip and then suddenly deep-throat him. Bonus points will be given if you swallow every last drop, because fuck, he thinks that shit is so hot. “Are you trying to kill me, Y/N?” “No, but what a fun way to go.” ;)
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
It’s either hard and fast, or slow and sensual. There is no in-between. At the beginning, it will mostly be hard and fast because he’s getting it all out of his system; it’s been so long for him, and he needs some time to get in touch with the side of himself that can be sensual. When it is hard and fast, it’s overwhelming because you have to basically brace yourself for the ride (not that you mind; you understand Rust probably better than he understands himself when it comes to his emotional and physical needs). 
Once he’s opened up enough to consistently use a slow and sensual pace, he goes deep. This is when you’ll be face-to-face, looking into each other’s eyes, with your legs wrapped tight around his waist or raised over his shoulders. This pace is overwhelming in a different type of way. Someone like Rust being so connected with you is special and not to be taken lightly because you know he wouldn’t do this with just anybody. It means he trusts you and thinks highly enough of you to be vulnerable and take his time with you. 
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Quickies are very rare for you two because he greatly prefers taking his time. Since it’s already difficult for him to be physically and emotionally open, he doesn’t really have the ability to quickly get it up, get with you, and then go on with his day. Plus, he doesn’t really like to have sex in a location where you two can be interrupted or discovered, and those locations are usually where quickies happen. That said, the few times you have had them, like the locked bathroom at a bar or dance hall (he won’t go to the clubs unless it’s for an investigation, sorry), have been very lustful and intense. 
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Absolutely. Freakin’. Not. No way. While he grows more open to trying new positions, toys, etc., with you as the relationship grows, Rust will never, at any point in your relationship, do anything that would physically hurt you (He’s also extremely afraid that he’s going to fuck this up and hurt you emotionally, and that honestly scares him more than he cares to admit). Again, being a little rough is not what this means: it means he’s not going to put you in any danger. He’s not taking you undercover as Crash; he’s not carelessly bringing you to places where you might be in any danger. He’s also very afraid before the shootout that whoever is behind the murders and disappearances will find you and hurt you because of his investigation. He’s very protective of you in this way. 
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
He has a surprising amount of stamina. He can switch it up; either one long session, so long as you are able to, or several faster sessions. It depends on where he’s at mentally. If he’s in his head more, it will probably two faster, shorter sessions, though he always makes sure you’re satisfied before he finishes. If he’s more relaxed, he’ll take his time with you, and this is usually when he sets a slower, more sensual pace.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
None, unless you count the belt and tie. He counts those as accessories, not toys. He’s not opposed to you having them, however, and definitely enjoys watching you use your vibrator  or clit sucker on yourself (or him using them on you). Other than that, he really doesn’t have any experience or knowledge of what other toys are out there, so if you like to use more, you’ll have to show him. He’d be a bit out of his element at first, but since he’s so intelligent, would get the hang of them quickly. 
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Rust Cohle, while he doesn’t have what you would call “game”, can be a motherfucking tease when he wants to be. Generally, he doesn’t play games and if he wants you, he’ll let you know, BUT he thinks it can be entertaining to see you riled up over him, to the point where you’re clenching your thighs and nearly begging for him to take you. He’ll use his hands to slowly rub your thighs if you’re out for a drive, going higher a little bit each time, but never as high as you want/need him to go. Or he’ll take his time kissing down your torso or up your legs, but never making his way to your center. He has his cocky smirk on at that point. He will eventually give you what you want, because it’s actually what he wants to. 
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Rust doesn’t make much sound in terms of moaning, but he does breathe very heavily and grunt when he cums. He absolutely lives for your moans, though, and there’s just something about the way you shakily scream out his name in the heat of the moment that snaps something inside of him. He has an excellent auditory memory, and can recall each note and sound you make. When he’s home alone and it’s late at night and he can’t sleep, he remembers every sound you make.
He has an unsurprisingly filthy mouth, and once he’s truly comfortable in the relationship, he’ll say things to you that make you blush furiously (he loves this response). “Fuck, Y/N. That pretty pussy all for me?” and “You gonna be a good girl and cum for me, huh? Cum all over my dick.” And you are a good girl, so of course you do. 
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Rust wants to take pictures of you wearing only the leather jacket so he can have them with him when he misses you (we don’t have sexting at this point in time), but he has no idea how to ask. He knows you would do it in a heartbeat, but it just seems so personal for some reason. Little does he know, you have plans to surprise him on his birthday with some pictures you’ve taken yourself in the jacket WITH garters and stockings WITH a cigarette in your hands. Even though he hates birthdays and doesn’t see the point in celebrating a day when he was ripped out of nonexistence against his will into this violence, he’s going to stop complaining when he sees the pictures. You actually render him speechless. 
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Not very thick, but very long: a shower, not a grower. Since he’s on the thinner side, it makes sense that it wouldn’t be too thick. It has a slight curve to it, which he uses to angle into you just right. Surprisingly pink when he’s aroused.  
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Pre-shootout, it would not be very high (though for him it comes cums as quite a shock since he was not expecting to be horny at all), maybe twice a week. Once the shootout happens, he feels like he can relax a bit more, and that’s when it ramps up for you two. At least 3 times a week, though it is usually more if his case load isn’t too busy. His sex drive is absolutely tied to what else is going on his life, and to his mental state. When it does pick up, he craves you. He’ll never pressure you if you’re not in the mood, though. Forcing himself on you is something that Rust wouldn’t even think about doing.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Rust has terrible insomnia, but every once in a while, after you’re both sated, he finds himself actually sleeping. Not every time, but often enough that it gives his body some of the rest he desperately needs (please just let this Sad Boi sleep. Please.) If he has trouble sleeping for a long period of time, you can bet you’re going to get it rough soon, because he’s figured out that there’s a connection between how hard he goes and how deeply he sleeps. You’re honestly glad that you can help him rest. For the times when he still can’t sleep, he’ll just lie there, quietly watching you sleeping peacefully and his heart aches a little bit at the sight. He might shut his eyes and dream, the dreams being softer than what he used to dream about before he met you.  
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