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ladamedusoif · 2 months

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able

(Joel Miller x disabled F!Reader)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Disabled F!Reader

Summary: "I just don't think she'll be able for patrol". But then it's just you, Joel, and your trusty walking stick in the middle of nowhere...

Content/warnings: Reader is disabled (she has rheumatoid disease/arthritis in addition to panic attacks, she uses a walking stick as necessary); Reader had a sister; Reader is an art teacher; strong violence; blood; description of panic attack; references to impact of chronic illness and disability; references to medication; references to disease and death; non-canon compliant; Jackson!Joel; strong language; ableist language and abusive language

Rating: Mature; 18+ MDNI

Word Count: ~3.7k

A/N: After making a plea earlier in the week for people to actually write disabled Reader fic, as opposed to forcing writers to feel they have to tag literally everything in an able-bodied Reader story, I knew I had to put my money where my mouth was as a disabled, neurodivergent writer with various mental health things going on here and there. And this one-shot is the result.

This one is a little personal. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid disease about ten years ago, and Reader’s experiences are informed by my own (though, thankfully, I haven’t had to contend with an apocalypse that meant I couldn’t access the medication that has kept me going). She’s also inspired by @agentjackdaniels, who acted as consultant extraordinaire on walking sticks and panic attacks, and suggested the Joel picture for the moodboard. Thank you, Luce, for this, for fighting the good fight for representation in fic - and for beta-ing the story.

(A note on terminology: rheumatoid disease/arthritis are sometimes used interchangeably. ‘Arthritis’ often sounds like it’s ‘just’ osteoarthritis to people who don’t know the difference. Rheumatoid, unlike osteoarthritis (which is shitty in its own ways), is a systemic, lifelong, chronic illness and an auto-immune disorder that affects the entire body, not just bones and/or joints. So personally I use ‘rheumatoid disease’ as it conveys more of the impact of the condition. It's also often seen as an 'old person' disease but this simply isn't true - not that this stops mobility aids being modelled by people in their 80s all the time...)

Please follow my writing blog @ladameecrit and turn on notifications to stay up to date with my work.

Dividers by @saradika - moodboard by me

You weren’t supposed to make it.

Twenty-odd years in the apocalypse with your fucked-up joints and no steady supply of the meds that kept you going, pushing through the cycles of fatigue, and fighting off your own goddamned immune system as much as you were fighting clickers and raiders.

You really weren’t supposed to make it. But you had Annie.

You were sharing an apartment when the outbreak happened, a quirk of shitty personal circumstances - she’d just broken up with her long-term boyfriend - that probably helped save your life. Annie was the all-action sister - the kind of person who thinks there’s nothing weird about spending your weekends doing triathlons and “Tough Mudder” challenges, who had a perfect bill of health your entire lives, who bounced out of bed in the mornings while you cracked and creaked and stiffly manoeuvered yourself into being.

The good days generally outweighed the bad in the years between your diagnosis with rheumatoid disease and the initial outbreak - or maybe you had just gotten used to the aches and pains and the occasional flare-ups of fatigue. You invested in a walking stick to help on those days when mobility was particularly bad: solid, heavy, and carved in a pale yellow wood. It felt like a comfort in your hand, more a sign of strength, to you, than of weakness.

Annie helped you through the panic attack that consumed you on outbreak day, working with you to regulate your breathing and relax your tense muscles until you could finally say what was on your mind.

“My meds. What am I going to do without my meds?”

Nothing a quick smash and grab at the local pharmacy couldn’t fix. It was the first of many, stockpiling the little yellow tablets you relied on and taking as many packs of over-the-counter painkillers as you could carry. Useful currency in the apocalypse, as it turned out.

All-Action Annie was never going to cope with life in a QZ. She got the two of you out after months of planning, nights of whispered talk about a town out west that was normal - or something close to it, anyway. She hadn’t entertained your protestations about you slowing her down, holding her back.

“You think I’m leaving behind a girl who’s so handy with a weapon?” she’d teased, pointing to your walking stick. “Be real. We’re busting out together.”

The infection took hold in her about three days from Jackson. Fuckin’ barbed wire, tearing a jagged line through Annie’s hand and leaving behind an old-fashioned kind of threat to life, the kind penicillin had mostly dealt with. But that was then. This was now.

She died in an abandoned farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, you holding her hand until the end, talking to her about your childhoods and trying to keep smiling until she closed her beautiful eyes.

It took all your strength to dig her grave. And then, somehow, you found more.

You weren’t supposed to make it. But you did.

Jackson stands before you.

He sees you for the first time in the community dining hall, talking animatedly to Maria as you hungrily devour the food set in front of you. Eyes wide, face grubby, clothes ragged. Half-wild, he thinks, like most of the new arrivals. Like him and Ellie, once upon a time. He returns to his bowl of soup and his own thoughts - at least, until he’s interrupted by Maria.

“Joel? Want to introduce a new member of the community, just arrived.”

He doesn’t quite know why he’s surprised when he realises you’re leaning on a sturdy hand-carved walking stick in a solid, light yellow wood. Maybe it’s because he knows how physically hard it is to get here. Maybe he just assumed folks who needed a stick wouldn’t have been able to manage the journey.

For a second he can hear Sarah’s voice in his head, chiding him for focusing on what a disabled person can’t do instead of what they can.

“Joel?”

He snaps out of his reverie and looks from Maria to you. “Uh, hi. Sorry, just…sorry. Forgot my manners.”

“I was just saying how glad we are to have someone who can offer some art education in the town, isn’t that right, Joel?”

Your eyes are warm and mischievous as you meet his gaze, silently conveying your amusement at Maria’s rather brusque manner. It’s all Joel can do not to laugh.

“Sure is. You’re an artist, then?”

You shake your head. “Not a real one. I was an art teacher, before. Long time since I created anything, though, so I hope I remember how.”

He smiles softly, his gruff exterior receding a little. “Bet it’s just like riding a bike,” he says, before his face falls as he looks at your walking stick. “Oh, shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean… Shit. Hope I didn’t offend.”

“As it happens, I can ride a bike, Joel. The apocalypse just doesn’t give me much cause to.”

You leave him with a smile and a wink as Maria ushers you to meet other townsfolk. He watches you as you walk away, the tap-tap-tapping of your stick beating out a new rhythm in the heart of Jackson.

You think of Annie every morning when you wake up in the little house you’d been assigned. Sometimes, as you potter around the kitchen, still revelling in the novelty of making yourself morning coffee for the first time in two decades, you even talk to her. You tell her about the town, the townsfolk, your work in the community vegetable garden, your art classes.

“Honestly, An, you wouldn’t believe how popular they are,” you tell the Annie who, in an alternate universe, is sitting at the kitchen table with her own mug of coffee. “I’m setting up extra sessions to cater for demand.”

There’s something uplifting in how hungry the people of Jackson are to make art, no matter their experience or existing skill level. They’ll draw stuff from memory, they’ll dutifully work on a still life, they’ll even traipse outside with you, wooden sketching boards in hand, and make rapid-fire sketches of the goings-on on Main Street.

Joel doesn’t join a class - but the teenage girl Maria refers to as “Joel’s kid” does, all potty-mouthed and enthusiastic and pretty damned talented, to boot. Ellie tells you how she’s pinned up the drawings she’s proudest of in their home, “like our own fuckin’ art gallery or some shit.”

You pull up a tall stool and sit beside her, resting your stick over your thighs. “Joel’s got his guitar and those dumbass model figures he paints,” she continues, leaning around her easel and squinting at the woman who’d volunteered to act as a life model for this week’s classes. “But this shit? This is real art.” She adds a little highlight to the woman’s sweater and leans back to assess the work.

“You probably got exempt from patrols, I’m guessing. On account of the stick, an’ all.”

“Maria asked, and I signed up happily. I got all the way here, didn’t I? I’m sure I can manage patrols. And it’s the least I can do - they’ve even found me some of the medications I need.”

Ellie nods, somewhat convinced, and returns to sketching out the contours around the model’s jaw.

The day of your first patrol arrives. You bundle up and set out early for the stables, allowing extra time to get there on account of the flare-up you’d been experiencing the day before.

You arrive early - just in time, in fact, to overhear a heated conversation between Joel and Maria.

“She’s doing enough, ain’t she? I just don’t think she’ll be able for patrol.”

“You’ve seen her out and about, Joel. She’s mobile. She’s competent. She’s good with the horses. She got all the way here, the last stretch on her own. What more proof do you need?”

“You’re seriously gonna send a woman with a walking stick out on patrol?”

“I seriously am. Sent you and your bad back out, didn’t we?”

“That ain’t the same and you know it.”

“Just saddle the horses, Joel. And, in case you’re wondering - yes, I paired you together deliberately, just until she gets settled.” You hear her footsteps recede as she leaves him.

You had misjudged how much your already-limited grip would be further impeded by the gloves you’re wearing. The stick clatters to the ground.

“Who’s there?”

You emerge from the shadows. “Me. Sorry.”

Joel rolls his eyes and gruffly points out the tack and supplies.

The first patrol passes in silence. You wonder what happened to the softer man you’d caught a glimpse of the first day you arrived.

On the second patrol, you ask him questions about himself. On the third patrol, he asks (fewer) questions about you. By the fourth, you’re having something approximating normal conversation.

“Sarah loved to make all kinds of stuff,” he ventures, leading the way on his chestnut horse. “Those beaded bracelets, that girly Lego in the pink and purple, all of that. My girl had enough Magic Markers to supply a whole elementary school. Maybe two.”

You can hear him smile, even without seeing his face. His shoulders relax a little as he recalls the memory.

“So she was a creative kid?”

“Creative, sporty… she could do anything. Made the school soccer team, she was so proud. Just a…” He pauses. “A great kid.”

There’s a few beats of silence, punctuated only by the sound of the horses snickering and the steady rhythm of their hooves on the ground.

“What about your sister, was she arty like you?”

You’d told him about Annie on the last patrol. This was the first time he’d asked about her explicitly.

“She was the sporty one. I think that’s why I survived so long, truth be told. She was so strong and fast and tough as fuck.”

He chuckles, the burr of his voice resonating in the cold air. “Sounds like a good balance, though.”

“It is - it was. Was.” Your voice grows quieter as you repeat the word to yourself, chest starting to tighten. The horse slows, responding to the tension of your body, as Joel continues to trot on, not realising you’ve come to a halt behind him.

And then the tell-tale snapping of a twig, the sound of footsteps, and the realisation there’s someone else there, emerging out of the woods. Two someones.

Raiders.

The panic attack that has been building inside you gives way. An innate fight or flight response kicks in as you roar his name.

Joel turns and charges back towards you, just in time to see you take out one raider with a crack shot from your pistol. He slows the horse and readies his rifle, staring at the other man who is now trying to haul you off your mount.

“Get the fuck off me, motherfucker!” You flail against him, desperately shifting your weight to the other side of the saddle to try to shake him off.

Joel takes aim.

You think you’ve kicked the raider off. And that’s when you hit the ground.

He can’t take the shot now, not with her half-hidden from his view and audibly fighting off the man who’s dragged her to the ground. Joel is still a little distance away, slightly too far to see exactly what’s happening.

Why didn’t he hear her slowing? Why didn’t he realise she was further behind than she ought to be? Why did she slow in the fuckin’ first place?

Joel quickly dismounts, rifle in hand, moving closer so he can get a clearer shot at the guy who’s now standing over her. The horse’s elegant neck obscures the raider’s hands from Joel’s vision - he has no idea if he’s pointing a gun at her or not.

He thinks he has a clear sight on the guy’s head, provided he stays in the same position. He readies the rifle.

Suddenly, the raider disappears, letting out a primal roar before he hits the ground.

“You fucking cunt!”

Joel can see she’s standing now, the man prone before her. As he rounds the horse he sees her lift her cane, hands securely gripping the pointed end of the stick.

She brings the solid, weighty handle down on the raider’s leg with a sickening crunch. Even Joel recoils a little at the sight and the sound.

“F-f-fucking…c-c-cunt!”

Thwack. The other leg.

Fuck. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

”Keep calling me that, and I’ll keep the blows coming.”

Holy fuck. Who is she?

”C-c-c-cripple.”

”Excuse me?”

The raider props himself up on his arms. “I said, cripple. Fucking crippled cunt.”

“You shut your fuckin’ mouth.” Joel cocks his rifle.

The stranger sneers at Joel. “Awww, he’s actin’ the big man now. Weren’t too quick gettin’ back down here to save your cripple woman, were ya?”

Before Joel can react, she swings her stick over her head and brings it down on the man’s skull with a furious scream that seems to come from the very depths of her being.

She screams and screams as she hits him, over and over, eyes wild in her blood-spattered face. Joel recognises this: in himself; hell, in Ellie. It’s the moment when the floodgates open and all those years of pain blend together and zone in on this convenient target, an avatar for everyone and everything who had forced loss and trauma upon you.

He roars at her to stop, but knows she can’t hear him. It’s just her and the raider, now: her rage and fear and grief finding their expression through a walking stick turned cudgel.

A single shot ends it. She turns sharply, as if snapped out of a trance, and sees the smoke leaving Joel’s pistol.

“Hey. Hey. You alright?” His broad hands grip your biceps as he looks into your eyes.

Yes, you tell him, yes. You’re fine. But Joel keeps asking.

“Talk to me. Are you okay? I’m worried about you. Please, just talk to me.”

You are moving your mouth, but no sound is coming out. The familiar vice is tightening around your chest. You look down at your blood-stained hands and you struggle to breathe.

“‘M dying, Joel. Can’t breathe. All the blood. So much. Why can’t I breathe?”

Oh, he realises with a pang. She gets these things too. And I know how to help.

“You’re okay, you hear?” He’s rubbing your arms gently, keeping his gaze on you. “You’re alright. Breathe along with me, okay?”

It’s difficult to find the rhythm, at first. Joel’s hands find yours and squeeze them in time with his breath.

”In through your nose, that’s it. Slow and steady. Now out through your mouth.”

He can see your muscles starting to visibly relax. A wave of relief courses over him.

”Yeah, that’s it - you got this. You got this, good girl, you’re just fine. Gonna be alright.”

When he’s confident your breathing has settled and the panic attack receded somewhat, he gently guides you away from the body of the dead raider, one hand holding your horse’s bridle and the other holding yours.

“Why don’t you have a seat for a minute, huh?” Joel gestures to a long, low tree trunk lying near the forest’s edge and opens his saddlebags, rummaging until he finds a cloth, a battered hip flask and a bag of dried apple slices.

”Here.” He wipes the blood as best he can from your hands and proffers the flask, settling his substantial frame beside you on the log. “Have a sip or two, just to relax you a little bit more. Got a snack, here, too.”

You flinch at the taste of the liquor, but take a second sip regardless. The apple slices barely taste of anything in the afterburn of the moonshine. Joel nibbles on some jerky and stares into the middle distance.

You take a break from patrol, agreed with Maria, and a few days off your art classes. It was tempting to keep going, to return to the light and airy studio and to your students. But you feared a relapse.

And your body needed to recover physically, too. You ached from head to toe, fingers and toes puffy and swollen and movement seriously restricted. You ration out the supply of medication you’ve secured since getting here, and use hot water bottles and plenty of rest to try to ride out the flare in your arthritis.

Three days after the incident, there’s a knock on the door. You hobble to answer it, leaning on your trusty stick for support.

”Came by to see how you were doing. Got you some things if you needed ‘em.”

Joel is standing on your front porch, holding a jute grocery bag. He pauses, as if waiting for you to give him permission to say more.

”That’s so very kind of you, Joel. Come in, won’t you? I was able to set a fire so it’s nice and cosy.”

He watches as you lead the way into the living room, noting how much slower you were today. Guilt laps at his conscience. He said she shouldn’t go on patrol. He knew.

”You want me to bring these into the kitchen for you?”

“That would be a great help. Thank you.” He’s glad to see you smile, after the trauma of the patrol. “If you want a drink, I’ve got some tea and coffee in the cupboard just to the left of the sink.”

He pops his head back into the living room. “What would you like?”

“A tea would be perfect. Mugs are in the cupboard to the right.”

You wrap yourself back up in your blankets on the couch, making room for Joel when he returns with the drinks and a couple of cookies, sent over by Ellie as part of his care package for you. The mug feels like a comfort in your aching hands, its heat assuaging the inflammation ravaging your joints.

He sips his coffee and you sit in silence for a little bit, watching the flames dance over the firewood.

“Have you, uh - you been okay, doing okay, since…”

Joel stares into his coffee cup and then looks at you, a little awkward. You smile, hoping to reassure him.

”I’ve been okay. Just the physical pain and exhaustion, mostly. And - well, you saw it. The panic. It can leave you drained.”

He nods and takes another swig of his drink. “I know. I - I’ve had times like that, too. Real fuckin’ scary, when you’ve never gone through it before.”

You study his face for a moment or two, noting the little scar on his temple, the lines on his face, the stern expression completely undermined by the warmth of his deep brown eyes. For an instant, he seems so vulnerable, this strong, tough man sitting on your little couch.

“I haven’t had an attack like that in a while. But then, I hadn’t done anything like that in a while.”

This time Joel turns to look at you properly. “Not your first rodeo, huh?”

You giggle at the turn of phrase. “Not quite. Let’s just say my stick did a lot of work over the last twenty years. He wasn’t the first to feel the brunt of it.”

Joel nods, and you feel strangely relieved that he doesn’t seem surprised. “Doesn’t get easier, though, does it?”

“It does not. Which is why it’s better to avoid having to do it.”

”I agree. Gotta say, though, I - I was worried you wouldn’t be able for patrol, y’know?”

You arch an eyebrow at him. “I know. I overheard you, remember?”

He blushes. “Aw, shit. Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t want anything happening to you, what with your - condition, and all.”

You sigh softly, not really noticing the affection in his voice. “Most of the time, I’m fine. Y’know? I’m slower, but I do okay. I get tired more easily, but I manage. I didn’t come here to be a drain on the community.”

”You aren’t.”

”I know, but I want to keep it that way. I want to pull my weight. I’m able, Joel.”

He huffs in agreement. “Not like I’m a perfect specimen these days, either. Knees, fuckin’ back, deaf in one ear…”

You chuckle. “And you thought I wouldn’t manage patrol? Anyway, you’re not doing so bad, are you?”

He gives you a little smile, but that constant sadness still haunts his eyes. He stares at his coffee for a moment.

“You knew what you were doing, though.”

”I did. But I didn’t feel like I could stop.” You sip your tea, swallowing hard. “And I’m scared that makes me some kinda monster. You know?”

Oh, he knows. He knows it too well.

”You aren’t a monster.” Joel resists the urge to put an arm around you. “You just… something snapped, I guess. All that - well, all that hell you’ve gone through. It… it changes you. But it doesn’t make you a monster.”

He realises you’re crying before you do, spotting the fat tears that roll down your cheeks. He finds a clean handkerchief in his jeans and offers it to you.

Fuck it.

“Can I - can I put an arm round you? Just for some support?”

Your eyes light up, tears or no tears, and you nod enthusiastically. Joel is warm and comforting, his broad chest and strong arms a kind of anchor in the emotional storm. You nuzzle against him, and he gives you a little squeeze on the arm.

”You’re a really brave woman, you know that?”

His voice is quieter, more intentional. You look at him quizzically from under your lashes, unused to praise of this kind. For an instant you think about asking him what he means. But the safety you’ve found in the broad arm draped around you is all you need right now.

You nuzzle a little against his chest, and watch the fire dancing for the rest of the night.

#joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x disabled f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #soft joel miller #disabled f!reader #disabled reader fic #hbo the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #pedrostories

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echo-stimmingrose · 10 months

Text

I just made a post about the end of pride month. It's July now, so happy disability pride month to my fellow disabled people!

Friendly reminders to able bodied people

Don't tell disabled people how to refer to themselves

Listen to them when and how they refer to their disabilities

You don't need to know why someone is disabled

This includes if they have a service dog, you may ask what tasks the dog performs if you are a business owner. Not what disabilities they have.

Also, in the US there are no "service dog cards/papers"

It's illegal to refuse service to someone because of a disability

If you know someone who is disabled questions are fine as long as you are respectful. Some of us love to educate. (However some aren't things we like to talk about, be respond that)

Slurs are never acceptable if they don't apply to you (you wouldn't use a racial slur don't use one about disabilities either)

Don't make jokes based around disabled people stereotypes. It's not funny.

Not all disabilities are visible!

I know you mean well but you do not know what it feels like, please do not tell disabled people you do.

When we say we are tired and you are also tired, we do not mean the same thing.

Abilism isn't funny, it causes so much harm and discrimination please don't be abilist.

Reminders for my fellow disabled people

You are valid no matter what.

You are allowed to have good days and still be disabled.

You are allowed to have bad days and need extra help or more time to rest.

With that you are allowed to take days to rest.

You know your limits, please follow them and don't harm yourself.

You are not an inconvenience!

Please remember to take your meds, they are important

Don't stop taking your meds without consulting with a doctor (unless they are doing horrible things, even then please contact your provider)

Also doctors who don't listen suck, we've all been there and we feel you.

You are not faking for attention no matter how much your brain tells you that

Sometimes you can't always look on the bright side. It's okay to recognize the negative as long as you don't let that take over.

Asking for help is good and doesn't bother people. And if it does those aren't people you should have in your life.

If a mobility aid will help you then use whatever will help you

Your problems are "bad enough" and valid. Don't compare yourself to other people and if you need help then get it.

You do not need to be absolutely horrible to get help.

If your diagnosis came as relief that is perfectly fine, knowing there's a cause for your problem and now having ways to manage it is wonderful.

If your diagnosis did not come as a relief that is perfectly fine as well. It's terrifying and soul crushing sometimes getting diagnosed and realizing you're going to deal with this forever. You're not alone.

You know your body better than anyone else. Listen to yourself and what your body needs.

You got this, you aren't alone. Mental and physical disabilities suck but be proud of them.

You live with them everyday and you're still here, you're still fighting. You're so strong.

#disabilties #disabled #chronically disabled #disability #disability pride month #chronic illness #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #invisible disability #reassurance #mobility aid #cptsd #bipolar #borderline personality disorder #mental heath issues #disability awareness

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lowkeyrobin · 2 months

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Hellooo, I was wondering if you could do MCYT with an S/O who has ADHD? (Mostly hyperfixates on horror games, etc.) I personally have a bad habit of walking around till my legs are sore (my leg has been sore for the past three days please help I can't get rid of this energy ahh-) and how MCYT would react to that/stop Y/N from. Doing that lol

HELP THIS IS SO REAL BAHAHHAHABA ; thank you for the request 🫶🫶 ; sorry if anything seems a little wrong, I'm kinda looking into if I have adhd but obv idk and I'm not diagnosing myself, but I obviously am not diagnosed so I don't know the full ins and outs and I know it's a spectrum, so uh yeah 👍 hopefully I did good lol

MCYT ; ADHD shenanigans

includes ; tommyinnit, tubbo, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu & quackity

warnings ; language

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he'll walk into your stream, sit down, look at your screen, then blankly stare at you when he realizes what you're playing

"Dude. are you streaming FNAF again?"

you nod with a smile "yupppp"

he spends the rest of your stream talking to chat and trying to scare you more

you're just talking about the lore and shit and he's loosely hanging onto it LMAO

if you're just like pacing around the house he'll look up at you like "bro you okay?"

will genuinely join in as well, he's always got the energy

he doesn't mean to enable like hurting yourself to a point, but once he realizes he is kind of enabling it he'll immediately stop

"sit down, here, skip leg day for once, focus on those noodle arms of yours"

"says you! the fuck?"

TUBBO

he'll walk into your bedroom for the first time in like a month and just see posters and little trinkets and merch of your new fixation and be like "christ, man"

"I'm a little hyperfixated"

"I see that. also considering the 150 hours worth of streams you've put into FNAF, yeah..."

he gets you a vr headset and buys you the fnaf vr games.

he doesn't understand how you have so much energy but it's whatever

"dude, sit down, your legs are gonna fall off, you've been pacing for like three hours! drink some water at least"

"tubbo, I can't! I have too much energy and I can't get rid of it"

that commences three hours of wrestling in the living room 💀🙏

RANBOO

let's you rant about your fixations and the lore and whatnot

I mean they won't deny that the Blair Witch Project video game is really good

they even buy you posters of the Blair Witch Project movie and video game (we don't talk about the movies after the first...)

even gets you merch off the official game site too (if that exists? I'm not sure istg there was merch tho)

they start to get a little fixated on it too considering they love hearing about the lore and theories from you and stuff

they even play it on stream and dedicate it to you

"thanks for the content y/n"

when you're running through the house, he'll race with you for a while before finding some other ways for you to release energy without making yourself sore

at one point he just gives you coffee that way you'll crash and burn after a few hours

I mean at least you don't feel like your legs are about to pop off your body

FREDDIE BADLINU

invested in the resident evil lore because of you

"I saw this and thought of you" AND ITS A LEON KENNEDY EDIT LMFAOOO

I mean yeah

loves hearing you rant about the games and everything, he could listen to you talk for hours

when you're all strung up on energy he also enables it without realizing at first

when he can tell it's more than just being energetic he'll help you find ways to calm down

if need be, he'll read to you, instant sleep I swear

or when he starts talking you'll be fully invested in his words

"yknow, Google listed among us as a horror game and I really cannot-"

NIKI NIHACHU

the amount of dead by daylight merch and the amount of money that you've spent on it is kinda concerning

but she loves listening to you rant about how the kill animations are so awesome and about new maps and characters and dlcs

I mean it's your current fixation, of course she'd listen to every single word you'd have to say

she even plays with you on stream a lot as well

when you're strung up on energy, she'll take you out for a run, you're like a dog on a leash though because she's not trying to lose you

"niki, come on! I wanna see the water snakes!"

"I'm coming, I can't sprint like you do, darling!"

QUACKITY

"of all the games, why is five nights at freddy's the one you're fixated on?"

he loves hearing you rant and explain lore and theories to him tho

genuine love language

he'll even play it on stream with you

"and the purple guy basically killed all the kids, and the kids basically scared him into the springlock suit and it literally killed him so he possesses that suit now-"

he'll just joke about the amount of energy you have

like Ranboo, will serve you coffee so you can crash and burn considering you end up begging him to help you

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit x reader #quackity x reader #ranboo x reader #badlinu x reader #tubbo x reader #freddie badlinu x reader #niki nihachu x reader #nihachu x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader #they/them reader

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heavyhitterheaux · 1 month

Text

Master Harlow

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: This takes place right before Sisters No More, so to not be confused by some of the parts, you can read that first 🥰

Synopsis: it's Jack's 26th birthday and you come up with the perfect gift to give him which he least expected.

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

There was about a week to go until Jack's 26th birthday and you honestly thought that he forgot about it, but you couldn't blame him. A lot had been going on and it didn't help that Axel had just gotten discharged from the hospital late last night after having to stay for a week due to him being diagnosed with RSV which in short was a cold for babies. You and him took turns staying with him while the other stayed at home with Ivy and Autumn. Maggie, Ivy, and Dani were also quick to jump in to help.

He was currently sitting on the couch holding Axel and feeding him since he still couldn't quite hold the bottle on his own yet. The triplets were now eight months and that was one thing that they all should have accomplished already. Ivy and Autumn seemed to be hitting their milestones when they were supposed to, but Axel was a little slower which you and Jack took note of and were beginning to be a bit concerned. It wasn't a secret that Axel would probably have some issues, which the doctor made you aware of, but it was still scary nonetheless. He had just started sitting up on his own which he should have been able to do two months ago.

You had just set Ivy and Autumn on their play mat with their toys in front of you as you went to sit next to him. You lightly brushed your fingers across Axel's cheek before kissing it and you quickly did the same thing to Jack and despite his tired eyes, he instantly smiled at you.

“Baby, what did you want to do for your birthday?” You asked as you handed him another bottle of formula since Axel was almost finished working on the first one.

“Wait, what?”

“It's next week, smush.” You replied while letting out a laugh.

“Where is time even going? That means they're about to be eight months already.”

“I know, time is moving so fast. Before we know it they're going to be a year old.”

“But, I don't want to do anything but sleep. Axel being in the hospital again was a lot.” He confessed quietly and you nodded, understanding where he was coming from.

“But, baby it's your birthday. I want you to do something special on your special day. You deserve to be celebrated.”

“It's just another day and I'm turning 26, there isn't anything really special about that.”

“Yes there is, considering your wife almost didn't make it to see her own birthday just three months ago.” You shot back and he immediately turned to look at you knowing that you were completely right.

“I…. I get what you're saying, but all I want to do is be with you and with them. That's all that I need.”

“You're still worried about him, aren't you?” You quietly asked and Jack looked down at him.

“So much has happened to him and he hasn't even been on this earth long. I can't imagine us losing our only son. Everything is still so touch and go with him and I know you're about to blame yourself but that is in no way your fault.”

You stayed quiet and simply nodded even though in the back of your mind you did blame yourself and you didn't think that was ever going to go away.

“I know. But we can do something small, but I'm definitely still celebrating being able to celebrate my husband on his birthday.”

—

It was now five days until Jack's birthday and you hadn't come up with a gift until this morning. It would take you going to Drama to see if he would be on board with it, but first you went to your older sister Dani to get her to put the idea in his head.

Jack was still sleeping, which was odd, but you figured that since there was nothing that needed his immediate attention was going on today, you let him be while calling your mom to look after the triplets while you went to tell Dani about your idea.

Once you finished getting dressed and put your hair up, you went to check on the triplets who were still sleeping and went back in your bedroom to let him know that you were leaving and that you would be back later.

“Smush.” You quietly said as you poked his cheek, but he still didn't move so you tried again which led to him throwing the comforter over his head.

“Yes, wifey?” It came out muffled, but you were still able to understand him.

“You can go back to sleep because my mom is downstairs and the babies are still sleeping.”

“Where are you going? Now the bed is cold. Babeeeee!”

“To have breakfast with Dani. I'll be back soon and I'll bring you something too.”

“Mm hmm. Just leave me in my time of need.”

“You are so dramatic. I'm coming right back!”

“No detours! It's my birthday month and I want cuddles from my wife.”

“You literally didn't even wake up when I got up to take a shower and now you're in your feelings?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

“No detours, promise. But if you want a kiss, I suggest you….”

Not being able to finish your sentence, he immediately threw the comforter off of his body, sat up and pulled you closer to him so that he could kiss you.

“Can I have another one?” Jack asked quietly and you laughed before nodding your head.

“Of course you can. Now go back to sleep.”

You went downstairs to find your mother in the kitchen sipping on her coffee and you went up to her and hugged her from the side and she quickly hugged you back before kissing your cheek.

“Thank you for doing this for me. He's just so tired.”

“Don't thank me Lil Bit. It takes a village, does it not? You know I'll do anything for you, Jack, and the babies.”

“But still!” You said as you grabbed your keys that were hanging up on the wall before deciding to put them back and grabbed Jack's. You just hoped he had remembered to put gas in it.

“And where are you off to?” Your mom curiously asked and you instantly smiled.

“To have breakfast with Dani. I finally figured out a birthday gift for Jack and want to tell her about it.” You responded excitedly.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I want to buy his masters for him so that way he has all the rights to his music and not the label. I was going to tell Dani so she can kind of put it in Drama’s ear and we could go from there.” You said and your mom looked at you as if she was thinking, but you couldn't quite read her expression.

“I love that baby girl and I know he will too and will definitely be surprised.”

“I know that it's very important to him and the only masters that he currently has is his EP’s The Handsome Harlow and 18. Everything else is under Gen Now.”

“And he's worked too hard not to own them, both of you have. But I don't want you to be late meeting Dani, so go ahead.”

You gave your mom one last hug before you headed out the front door and into Jack’s Jeep.

Once you were out of sight, Ivy pulled out her phone to send a text to Dani and Drama.

Ivy- Baby girl wants to buy Jack's masters from the label for his birthday gift and you better not tell her no when she asks

Dani- Is that what she wanted to tell me today?

Ivy- Yes and you better do it. You've put that girl through enough don't you think?

Drama- But it's not that simple

Ivy- Well you better make it simple. His birthday is Wednesday so you have five days to pull it together. I keep telling the both of you to tell her before it blows up in both of your faces. But when it does happen, the first thing I'm going to say is I told you so. She's on her way now.

When you finally met up with Dani, you had been craving some French toast and decided to get that along with eggs, sausage, and fruit. You couldn’t quite drink mimosas yet since you were still breastfeeding the triplets so orange juice would have to do.

“Okay, Lil Bit what's your idea for Jack's birthday gift?” Dani asked even though she already knew.

“Well I'm glad you asked. I wanted you to put it in Drama's ear that I want to buy his masters from the label.” You answered as Dani nodded her head, and you were taken aback by her reaction.

“Um, Dani? That's a big deal.”

“I know it is and it's expensive.” She answered and you just shrugged.

“Nothing is too expensive when it comes to my husband. That's my baby and I know he feels the same way when it comes to me.” You said not understanding what she was getting at.

“I know and I think it's a good idea and an amazing birthday gift.”

“So you'll tell him?!”

“I will and I'll see what we can do. Five days is cutting it close but it's not impossible.”

“So much has happened within the last year and I want to do this for him.”

“I get it. I'll text him now and tell him to call you later.”

Of course the wheels were turning in Dani’s head as she sat across from you and listened to all that you had planned for Jack’s birthday even if he had told you he didn’t want to do anything. The biggest thing that you were doing besides buying the masters was having a birthday dinner for him at an expensive restaurant in the heart of Louisville and renting it out for the night so that only family and friends would be there. You also mentioned to her that all he would probably want to do in the morning is spend time with the triplets and for good reason. But the words that her mom told her earlier were lingering in her head. She knew that it was only a matter of time before you found out and that she should have told you years ago, but if she had, would you and Jack even be in this same position?

The answer was unclear, but she knew that if but more so when she told you that everything would change between the both of you and she wasn’t ready for that. She loved that she was still able to watch you grow up even with her doing stints in rehab in order to try and stay clean, but she knew that you weren’t going to take it well and your temper might get the best of you. You had been a lot better since having the triplets, but it was still there.

So, in order to make this easier for you, she was going to see if Drama would give you the masters without having to pay the full price for it. Jack’s catalog wasn’t extensive, but it was big enough to go for millions of dollars. All in all, she was simply doing what her mother asked her to do simply because she was scared that she was going to let it slip one day and tell you. There was a rift in their relationship ever since you had been born, but she knew that it was her fault and that Ivy and David did all that they could for her…. Including raising her one and only daughter which was you.

“Dani? Are you okay? I’ve been calling you for the last ten minutes.”

“Oh, I’m fine! Just a little tired. Now what were you saying?”

“That I needed you to help me pick out my outfit for his birthday dinner!”

“Of course I will! And I’m thinking that we wear that white corset.”

Before you knew it, Jack’s birthday was here and of course he spent the majority of the day being up under you which of course you didn’t mind. Getting the masters was a lot easier than you thought and you knew that it definitely had to do with Dani giving Drama the heads up. What you were most surprised by was Gen Now only asking you for a million for his entire catalog. Even though he didn’t have many albums, you knew for a fact that it was worth a lot more than that, but you let it go and didn’t put up a fight. The most important part was that you got them for your husband and now everything was in his name.

It was now nearing 6 in the evening and you were trying to get your husband to get dressed so that he wouldn’t be late to his birthday dinner without giving the surprise away.

“Jack, go take a shower and I’ll have an outfit picked out for you.” You told him as he laid in your lap and you could immediately see him pout.

“Why? I just want to lay on you for the rest of the night.”

“Baby, you can do that when we get back. You have seriously turned into a hermit and it is literally just for a few hours. You can give me that and I have something really special for you later.”

Hearing this made him turn around and face you and he looked at you curiously.

“No, I’m not telling you and you just have to get ready first and see what it is. No spoilers.”

Hearing this made him sigh but he then quickly got up and started making his way into the bathroom.

“Fine.”

“I love you smush and I really think that you’ll like it.”

“I love you too, more than you know.”

Once he was in the shower, you went into the walk-in closet to pick out an outfit for him and you already had one in mind for you. One of your cousins was going to watch the triplets for you so that the two of you could have a small break since the past few months had been a lot, especially with everything that had been going on with Axel.

Since you had taken your shower earlier, you sat down at your vanity and started to apply your make-up and then heard Jack’s footsteps coming up behind you. You turned around to see him in nothing but a towel and quickly eyed him up and down earning a chuckle to escape his lips.

“Excuse me Mrs. Harlow, but my eyes are up here.”

“Oh, I know they are, but your dick is down there and that’s where I was looking.”

“DO YOU HAVE NO SHAME?!” He playfully asked as you quickly began laughing before turning back around to finish your make-up.

“Nope, none. And you should know that by now.”

“I mean we can always stay here.” You heard him say as his voice got deeper, as he turned you back around to face him and he leaned down to kiss you.

“No! Stop trying to seduce me! We are going and that’s final!”

“Hmm, it was worth a shot.” Jack muttered as he shrugged and began to examine the outfit that you had picked out for him.

One hour later, Jack was now surrounded by his closest friends and family at one of his favorite restaurants in downtown Louisville. You stood off to the side sipping on sparkling water with Saweetie and Dani next to you as you were watching him mingle and interact with everyone and you quickly took note of how happy he was.

“I’m surprised that you actually got him out the house.” Saweetie said from beside you and you quickly looked over at her and sighed.

“Trust me it wasn’t easy and I promised him a blow job when we got back home, the one he got this morning apparently wasn’t enough.” You confessed, making her laugh and shaking her head.

“I figure that’s safer than anything else. We already have three kids and I know they’re wearing yall out.”

“It’s actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be and I’m definitely not opposed to having more, but I legit can wait like ten years.”

“Yeah, right. You’ll be pregnant next week.” 2fo said as he passed by the three of you and threw a stuffed mushroom in his mouth.

“At this point, no one would be surprised.” Dani added and all you did was shake your head at her. In the back of your mind, you knew that she had something to do with you spending only a million dollars on Jack’s masters and made a note to ask her about it later.

It was now nearing eleven at night and you figured that it was now time for you to give Jack his gift before the clock hit midnight. Everyone else had given him his gifts and you were the only one left. Your heart was racing from excitement and couldn’t wait to see his face once he realized what his gift was.

“So clearly, we saved the best for last right?” Jack asked while looking over at you and all you did was smile at him and quickly got everyone’s attention.

“Okay so, I was literally having the hardest time trying to think of a gift to get for you because I gave you three gifts last summer to last you a lifetime.” You started to say and everyone immediately laughed.

“That’s fair, I get it. Definitely the best gifts you ever gave me.”

“And this idea came to me about five days ago so I quickly put my plan into motion so that I would be able to give this to you today. We both share our love for music whether it is making it for other people to hear and share it with the world or if it’s just something fun and silly that we want to keep for ourselves. Even if the idea came to me only a few days ago, ever since you had told me that you wanted to become a rapper, this was always the plan in the back of my mind so, here it is. There is nothing in this world that I won’t do for you and you know our love runs deep and it’s not something that you find everyday. I know that you already know this, but everyday that I get to wake up next to you is a gift and I do not take it for granted in any way, shape or form. You are not only my husband, but the father of my children, and my best friend and Urban and Saweetie are going to dispute that, but I told them to let it slide for today. I love you more than words can explain so I hope you like it. Go ahead and open it.” You finished your speech and handed him the envelope as he quickly told you to take a seat in his lap as he read it. It took him a few minutes before he realized what you had done for him and got a look of shock on his face which quickly had everyone asking what it was.

“What is it?! Share with the class!” You heard Ace say, but you knew that he was still in shock to say something.

“Now, I let the best friend comment slide so you better tell us what it is!” Urban said and you couldn’t help but to laugh.

“Baby…. You bought my masters for me?” Jack said quietly, but loud enough for everyone to be able to hear.

“Damn, that’s…. Damn. That’s love right there.” Druski said from the end of the table and you could see all of the collective faces of shock around the room.

“I did and that was always my plan from the beginning. I know how much you love what you do and how much work and effort goes into it so it was only right. Everything that was released under Gen Now is now in your name.”

Jack placed the envelope down on the table in front of him before hugging you tightly and kissing you.

“I don’t even know what to say, this is a hell of a gift and….”

“You don’t have to say anything. I love you and you deserve this. Just keep being the amazing person that you are and I hope that this was a good birthday for you.”

“I love you too and this may have been the best one yet.”

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, danivalentine, neelamthadhani, saweetie, champagnepapi, shloob_, and 2,628,093 others

y/ninsta: happy 26th birthday to this man who is the love of my life, my entire world, and the heartbeat outside of my chest (besides my babies that he impregnated me with of course lol) I absolutely love and adore you 💖

jackharlow: I love you forever and ever, in this lifetime and all the ones after that jackandy/naremyparents: happy birthday dad! he's doing the Jack dance yall! saweetie: awww happy birthday little brother! danivalentine: when y/ninsta first laid her eyes on you, I knew it was a WRAP! happy birthday jack! urbanwyatt: THE REALEST! happy birthday to the best brother I could ever ask for claybornharlow: urbanwyatt I beg to differ, but.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BROTHER, I LOVE YOU and I won't steal y/n when you aren't looking, I promise! jackharlowsource: happy birthday to the hometown hero! allthingsy/n: happy birthday to y/ninsta's man! he keeps her happy so I guess he can stay!

Liked by jackharlow, claybornharlow, danivalentine, djdrama, mariahthescientist, theestallion, saweetie, and 1,283,875 others

y/ninsta: birthday dinner things 😘💕

jackharlow I love youuuuu

allthingy/n: she needs to step on me IMMEDIATELY danivalentine: hmm good outfit choice, who picked it out? lol jackharlow: we are staying for 15 minutes because no one told you to look this good and I love youuuuuu too allthingsy/n: NOT FIFTEEN MINUTES LMAO urbanwyatt: my best friend is prettier than yours jackharlow: urbanwyatt I know I'm pretty, but thanks for reminding me claybornharlow: jackharlow I think he meant your wife, but go off bro lmao y/ninsta: AHT! AHT! leave the birthday boy alone! jackharlow: y/ninsta I can have my cake now right? y/ninsta: jackharlow you said you wanted cheesecake instead? druski2funny: smh y/ninsta you are the cake ma'am! y/ninsta: oh lmao

Liked by y/ninsta, claybornharlow, urbanwyatt, saweetie, champagnepapi, estgee, generationnow, neelamthadhani, and 2,085,271 others

jackharlow: Made it to 26! Got the best birthday gift from wifey who took it upon herself to buy my masters and put them in my name and I'm still speechless about the entire thing. got my wife, got my babies, life's good

y/ninsta: I would move mountains for you! nothing is ever too much in order for me to see you smile! side note: the chest hair is giving me THOTS saweetie: not y/ninsta being turned on by jack's bird chest claybornharlow: LMAOOOOOO jackharlow: HEY! urbanwyatt: yall can never let my man live lmao champagnepapi: happy birthday twin! wifey changing the game for you! neelamthadhani: I second the bird chest comment. happy birthday tho. jackharlow: neelamthadhani THE FUCKING SHADE! YALL CAN'T LET ME LIVE FOR ONE DAY?!?! quiiso: jackharlow no, but happy birthday boss man! allthingsy/n: this man will never know what a day of peace feels like y/ninsta: not too much on my man now!! 2forwoyne: that man looks like he can bench press three pounds claybornharlow: MY STOMACH HURTS FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD, MAKE IT STOP! LMAO shloob_: 2forwoyne now I know your ass isn't talking smh y/ninsta: he can bench press me just fine! matter of fact jackharlow get over here jackharlow: 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfiction #first lady of pg

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bedoballoons · 7 months

Note

Omggggggg

ok but I have another one! And yes I am obsessed with demon slayer. so Tokito muichiro inspired x (angry bois also albedo and the dadd- like zhongli and Al-haithim.

so muichiro has Memory loss due to young tramaaaa, anemo vision fits best, has very baggy cloths to help with is battle technique, in his 7 form can literally turn into air, to quite but he is super fast. And ya. Ohh Also when we remember our past(tokitos brother was murdered plus his parents) I just want confurttt.

I only have one he because when I was around 1-3 l don’t remember I was diagnosed with eye cancer I things. We caught it early and we could either do chemo(which could’ve killed me) or remove the eye intirely so we did that. There’s more to the story but I’m so tired right now .

Oh my gosh! I'm so glad you're okay! It sounds like it was a scary situation but you pulled through and now you have a pretty unique quirk about you! I hope you know that's really awesome <3

YAY okay I'm so excited for this request! Sorry it's been awhile since I've answered! I do have a question though! Do you think because he turns into air and Venti is the anemo archon, he could control him in that form?!?!?

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿─

{༻~Tokito Muichiro like reader~༺}

CW: Reader has past trauma and memory loss, slight angst but mostly comfort and fluff! Some of these are extremely long and I apologize, I just got really into writing them...

(Includes: Zhongli, Albedo, Alhaitham, and Wanderer!)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𑁍༄Zhongli:

You sighed quietly, your head aching as memories swirled around your mind like a messy swamp...nothing making sense and yet...you were still trying to put the puzzle together. You just wanted to know...even if it would hurt, you had to know what happened in your past...

"You know, there are better ways to go about recovering your memories, as someone with a long history who remembers many things from very different time periods, I might be able to shed some light on the subject." You looked up to see Zhongli walking towards you, his voice as calm and collected as always...comforting in some ways.

You bit your lip, it seemed embarrassing to ask for help from someone else, but you'd run out of options...so it only seemed reasonable, "Please... help me." The tall man smiled at you, his eyes filled with kindness as he sat down beside you, looking up at the sky. "First of all you should take time to clear your thoughts, take a deep breath and then exhale...relieve yourself of all the unimportant thoughts clouding the memories you want to recover."

You did as he said, taking in a deep breath...and then slowly letting it out, even if it seemed a bit strange to you...it actually did help you feel slightly better. "Very good, now I want you to think about the snippets you do remember, concentrate on the little things, tiny details one wouldn't usually focus on..but don't frustrate yourself, getting overwhelmed won't do you any favours."

You nodded, closing your eyes and recalling your few memories as best as you could...the scent of the air...the sounds...even down to the smallest shred of movement...and just like that, it came back to you. The images of your brother...your parents, all of it playing over and over while you tried to stop it, but it was like you were trapped in your own memories, screaming for help.

And then, nothing...you were back in Liyue...Zhongli holding you in his arms while you stared blankly at him..."Are you alright?" He asked, but you didn't even have it in you to answer...the suddenness of what just happened leaving you silent with shock. He seemed to notice this, kissing your head softly and rubbing your back, perhaps it would be better to not remember all at once...

𑁍༄Albedo:

Albedo gently touched your vision, the soft teal glow of it very familiar to him...beautiful and inviting, but earned from such sorrow and loss. A loss he wished could have been reversed...while you on the other hand, weren't focused on the vision or its meaning, you were far more concerned with perfecting your fighting style. "Albedo?" You looked at him curiously...he seemed so interested in your vision, but he'd seen many of the course of his lifetime...why was yours so captivating?

"Oh apologies love, I was just thinking about something. Back to the topic at hand, I've given your clothes a bit more of a baggy design, making sure to leave lots of room for movement and airflow. Please let me know if anything is uncomfortable, I'll make adjustments to improve their quality." He handed you a stack of clothing, the material soft and comfy looking, but also durable...perfect.

You rushed into the empty room nearby and changed clothes, leaving your old ones behind before hurrying to the dummy you'd set up by the entrance. You practiced your fighting techniques, already impressed by Albedos work and also very aware that he was watching you closely...maybe...he was worried about you?

𑁍༄Alhaitham:

Alhaitham closed his book, looking up from his desk to check on you...and noticing the bags under your eyes, you'd been tossing and turning in your sleep all night...mumbling things about death. You had him very worried, and that was saying something because he truthfully didn't concern himself with other people's issues unless they were incredibly serious, but your sleepless nights and difficult past...were starting to really impede your life, he just wanted to help.

He stood up from his chair, breaking your attention away from the plate of food you'd been poking at for a hour now and leaving you slightly confused, by now you'd gotten used to Alhaithams schedule and the one thing he never left out or cut short was his reading time...so why was he doing so? "Alhaitham, are you alright?" You asked, looking up at him slightly worried and running through different scenarios in your head, each one not really making enough sense to be considered a explanation.

"I'm perfectly fine, I'm more concerned with you. Would you like to take a nap together? You look exhausted and I can only assume you won't want to sleep alone because of your recent nightmare increase." Alhaitham held out his hand to you, gesturing towards the door as you tried to comprehend what he'd just said...he wanted to take a nap with you? "Oh...alright." You didn't really know a better way to answer as you accepted his hand and the two of you made your way to the large couch in the livingroom.

You crawled onto it first, watching as he left for a moment, only to return with your favourite blanket. Then he joined you on the sofa, sighing in content as you cuddled up to him and he covered you both up, in truth he was hoping this would help with not only your lack of sleep...but the nightmares themselves. He just wanted you to be okay.

𑁍༄Wanderer:

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Turning into air...was unlike anything else, exhilarating...calming...terrifying and apparently one of your most alluring qualities, well in Wanderers opinion anyway. Other than him most of the people in Sumeru considered this some type of witch craft, even though you carried a vision...they saw you as an outsider and whenever you attempted to take a trip to the city you get many stares.

Wanderer was the only one who found it beautiful, although to be honest he found everything about you beautiful and for some reason you were incredibly easy to talk to...to relate to. You'd share moments together where one of you would be caught up thinking about the things you couldn't change...forced to remember times you'd wish you could forget and then you'd comfort eachother, make the other feel better just by knowing what it was like.

"Heyyy get your head outta the clouds. The sooner we help her royal majesty the cabbage head, the sooner we can go home." Wanderer gently bonked your head, pulling you back into reality and making you smile, a very light blush colouring your cheeks.

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚Have a nice day*⁠.⁠✧

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raspberryberyl · 2 months

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I'm not the best with words, and I think a few people are already saying these things and doing so better than I could, but I wanted to try to add some of my own points in light of everything happening in the mcyt and generally just cc space. First what I've seen other people are saying: - stop with the "all men bad" rhetoric stuff. point blank. Anyone can be an abuser, anyone can be a victim. Men can be victims, women can be abusers, it doesn't work one way. Not all abusers are men. - on the same note, stop with the TERF ideologies. I know it can be hard to notice, but please think over your words before making a big post that will get all these notes and views. Next point, I know "narcissistic abuse" is a thing people talk about, but it is not a real thing. Phycological or emotional abuse are far better terms, equally valid. Please stop throwing the word "narcissist" around. I know a lot of victims want to describe their abusers as narcissist but this is really vilifying people with NPD and Cluster B disorders. If the person doesn't meet the NPD criteria, or isn't diagnosed, don't call them a narcissist. And remember NOT ALL PEOPLE WITH NPD ARE EVIL AND ABUSERS. - people are rightfully trying to give advice to victims and people hoping they can stop them from going through what they went through, but saying things like "Here's how you defeat a narcissist" or even just "narcissists hate x" is contributing to the stigma that all people with NPD, and also people with Cluster B disorders, are evil, bad, and abusers. Please look for alternative terms. Don't let yourself become part of the problem. Don't let yourself become a reason a victim won't or doesn't feel safe coming out. Listen to victims, and remember not all victims are the same, don't expect victims to act one way. If you think I have said anything wrong please feel free to correct me, also please add on if you have any additional points.

#mcytblr #mcyt fandom critical #fandom critical #raz.posts #fandom discourse #? not sure of that one #lexie marie situation #wilbur situation #gnf situation #punz situation #shubble situation #caitibugzz situation

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madlittlecriminal · 5 months

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Hiya babs! Really not doing too hot lately. Hope you're well though :) can I get a Miguel or Steven grant fic with a depressed reader? Love you lots and happy Halloween 🩵

You Don't Mean It...Right? ☾ Steven Grant × Depressed!GN!Reader

i haven't written for steven in forever & i miss writing for him. also, im so sorry this is a month late, love :(

Warnings: angst, mentions of lack of eating, mentions of not sleeping, mentions of isolation, reader does snap at steven and calls him a hypocrite, marc pays a visit in his mind & there's a indirect mention of jake (shows depiction of DID), FLUFFY ENDING I PROMISE

note: i don't have depression (not diagnosed), but i have two friends who are...let's just say May (in 2023) was a bad month for me. my brother also has depression & he has insomnia. if there's anything wrong, please correct me.

Steven wasn't happy. You weren't eating properly, and your sleep schedule was out of whack. Heck, sometimes you would go days without sleep, and it worried him. You'd even go as far as to isolate yourself and he couldn't take it anymore. "Love?" You moved your head, silently letting him know you were listening. "Are you sure you don't want to eat?" You shook your head and he sighed. "Love, you need to eat." You didn't move and he made his way towards you.

"What's the matter? Do you want to talk about it?" You say nothing. You scoot farther from him on the couch. Steven felt his heart break a little. He knew you weren't okay, but when you moved away from him as if he was poison, it hurt. "Alright, we won't talk, and you don't have to eat now. I'll say it for you for later, yeah? Just get some rest."

"I'm not tired." Steven sighed. "Darling, you haven't slept in days. Please, get some rest." You scoff. "Hypocrite." He was taken aback. "What?" He looked over at you with sad eyes. "You're telling me to sleep and eat when you don't even do it sometimes. You're a hypocrite." Steven froze at your words. "What?" Marc's voice echoed through Steven's head. He was also hurt by your words. He knew you weren't okay, especially because you never snapped at any of them, let alone Steven. "You don't mean that, love...do you?"

You blinked a few times before shaking your head and falling into his chest before crying. "I'm sorry." He hugs you tightly and rubs your back. "It's alright, love. Do you want to talk? Eat? Sleep?" You shook your head. "Can I just lay here with you for a bit?" He nodded. "Of course." You nuzzled into him and sighed. "I'm sorry for being so distant, Steven. I'm sorry for not eating or sleeping." He shook his head. "Don't apologize, darling. I know life can get in the way. I mean, you know better than anyone what goes on in my mind. People will think I'm bonkers, but you never did. You understood." You smiled softly. "And I love you all." Steven kisses the top of your head. "We love you too. Also, I'm sorry for not eating and sleeping sometimes too. I feel like I should apologize for that."

"I really didn't mean it when I called you a hypocrite." You say softly and he sighs. "I know, love. Just remember, if you ever want to talk about it, we're here and we'll listen." You smiled softly. "I got lucky with the three of you, didn't I?" He shrugged. "Not to sound shallow, but maybe you did." He whispered, causing you to snicker. "Hearing it from you is definitely something I have to get used to." He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles. "Good because neither of us plan on leaving you."

#steven grant #steven grant x reader #steven grant x you #steven grant x y/n #marvel #mcu #marvel universe #asks #ask #moon knight #mister knight #moon knight x reader #moon knight x you #moon knight x y/n #x reader #reader insert

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orthodoxadventure · 2 months

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I don't usually do this sort of thing but its sort of an All-Hands-On-Deck situation. Please pray for the mother of my friend, She was diagnosed with cancer some time ago, but it has since spread to her brain.

Of course I will pray, may God bless her and provide her with healing and comfort. And may God also bless and comfort those family members, friends, and all those that know her who are also in pain and anxiety because of her suffering.

Under the Readmore, I have attached some prayers for those with cancer that you might find to be helpful. I would especially recommend looking into some of the Patrons associated with Cancer patients and asking for their aid. For example St. Parthenios, St. Nektarios, St. Panteleimon

Through Your illuminating and sanctifying Spirit, Lord, guide through medical science those who are seeking through studies to exterminate its wickedness, reveal to them the medicine and the way of healing, and grant strength to those who are suffering and patience and respite in their pain, rewarding them all with the healing of their soul and body, through the intercessions of our Most-blessed Lady the Theotokos and Ever-Virgin Mary, the Life-Giving Spring, whose waters in the Queen City were poured over those who were sick with cancer and their suffering ceased, as well as those of our Holy Father Parthenios, Bishop of Lampakos, the holy, glorious and wonderworking Unmercenaries, the holy, glorious Great Martyr and Healer Panteleimon, and all Your Saints. Amen.

O Most-Pure Mother of God, O Queen of All! Hearken unto our much-afflicted sighing and look upon thy children, suffering from unhealed ailments, who fall down before thee with faith! As a bird covers its nestlings with its wings, so do thou now, who art ever present, cover us with thy greatly healing omophor in that place where hope be. There where bitter sorrows overcome us, there will patience and rest be revealed. Where the torment of despair dwells in the soul, there will shine the ineffable Light of Divinity! Console the fainthearted, strengthen the weak, bestow softening and enlightenment upon embittered hearts. Heal thine ailing people, O All-merciful Queen!

Bless the minds and hands of our physicians, that they might serve as instruments of the All-powerful Physician, Christ our Saviour. We pray that thou mightest truly live with us, O Sovereign Lady!

Stretch out thy hands, filled with healing and cures, O Joy of the sorrowful, Consolation in afflictions, that having speedily received miraculous help, we may glorify the Life-creating and Undivided Trinity, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, unto ages of ages. Amen.

O Christ, Who alone art our Defender: Visit and heal Thy suffering servant [name], delivering her from sickness and grievous pains. Raise her up that she may sing to Thee and praise Thee without ceasing, through the prayers of the Theotokos, O Thou Who alone lovest mankind.

Lord have mercy. O Lord Almighty, the Healer of our souls and bodies, You Who put down and raise up, Who chastise and heal also; do You now, in Your great mercy, visit our sister (Name), who is sick Stretch forth Your hand that is full of healing and health, and get her up from her bed, and cure her of her illness.

Put away from her the spirit of disease and of every malady, pain and fever to which she is bound

If she has sins and transgressions, grant to her remission and forgiveness, in that You love mankind.

Yea, Lord my God, pity Your creation, through the compassions of Your Only-Begotten Son, together with Your All-Holy, Good and Life-creating Spirit, with Whom You are blessed, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

O Lord our God, Who by a word alone did heal all diseases, Who did cure the kinswoman of Peter,

You Who chastise with pity and heal according to Your goodness;Who are able to put aside every sickness and infirmity, do You Yourself, the same Lord, grant aid to Your servant _____________and cure them of every sickness of which she is grieved.

Send down upon them Your great mercy, and if it be Your will, give to _____________ health and a complete recovery; for You are the Physician of our souls and bodies, and to You do we send up Glory: to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen

O God, our help in time of need, Who are just and merciful, and Who inclines to the supplications of His people.

Look down upon ____________and have mercy on them and deliver them from the trouble that now besets them.

Deal with ____________ not according to their iniquities, but according to Your manifold mercies, for we are the works of Your hands, and You know our weaknesses.

I pray to you to grant ____________ Your divine helping grace, and endow them with patience and strength to endure their hardships with complete submission to Your Will.

Only You know our misery and sufferings, and to You, our only hope and refuge, we flee for relief and comfort, trusting in Your infinite love and compassion, that in due time, when You know best, You will deliver ____________ from this trouble, and turn their distress into comfort.

We then shall rejoice in Your mercy, and exalt and praise Your Holy Name, O Father, Son and Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the ages of ages. Amen

#Prayer #Prayer request #Prayer req #Urgent prayer request #urgent prayer req

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autistic-duck · 2 years

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Autistic Context: If You're Not Autistic, You Don't Have It

I was reading an article titled "Why Autistic Kids and Adults Develop Intense Fears and Phobias" and I found a quote that helps explain why most allistic people screw up when trying to help an autistic person calm down from a meltdown.

Here's the quote:

"Non-autistic people do understand a lot of autistic expressions and mannerisms... But, non-autistic folk lack the context to understand those behaviors as meaningful or valid."

In other words, allistic people can see when we are in intense amounts of pain and distress, but they don't understand why we are feeling that way, as there is nothing obviously causing this distress.

Meltdowns are painful, but what makes my meltdowns exponentially worse is when someone tries to guess what's going on in my head. 9 times out of 10, the person trying to comfort me gets it completely wrong. For them, losing their phone is a mild inconvenience that can be remedied by asking around, calling the phone, or retracing their steps. For me, losing my phone can launch me into a spiral of emotions that had been building up.

In my experience, most people assume I am having a panic attack and they use tactics they learned to help calm down panic attacks. Most of these tactics don't work for me. Oftentimes, these remedies make the situation worse because it shows that the person trying to comfort me doesn't understand what I'm feeling. They assume they know, but they don't have the context that comes from inside my head. In these moments, I feel isolated and misunderstood.

When they see me on the ground, curled up and biting my fists, they ask, "What's wrong?"

When I say, "I can't find my phone," they try to get me to stop crying by explaining it's really not that bad. We can look for it together. Take a deep breath. You're not in any danger. Calm down.

They don't feel what I'm feeling, how it's impossible to stop the whirlwind of emotions. They assume it's a panic attack because what else could be causing me to react so emotionally to something so small?

Allistics don't understand the context, and they'll never fully understand because they aren't autistic. Sure, they feel intense emotions, but normally these emotions are caused by a sudden event such as a death, a car accident, or a divorce, not a missing pack of gum or a shirt that's too tight.

Meltdowns are not the same as panic attacks, and there are different strategies for these experiences. If you personally know someone with an autism diagnosis (or they have self-diagnosed), please educate yourself on what you can do to help during a meltdown. Here's a helpful article, but there are plenty of other resources online. Also, make sure to directly ask the autistic person if they have any preferred calming techniques (ask this question when they aren't having a meltdown, though, as making any decisions is extremely difficult to do during one).

Anyway, I hope this was helpful for other autistics or people trying to learn a little bit more about what it can feel like to be on the spectrum.

#autism spectrum #actually autistic #autism #autism pride #actually neurodivergent #asd #autism awareness #actuallyautistic #autistic adult #autistic #autism acceptance #autism spectrum disorder #autistic experiences #autistic feels #autistic pride #autistic spectrum #autistic culture

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blossomwritesthings · 1 year

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𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝? 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞. | 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭

pairing: minho x fem!reader (afab)

genre: veterinarian!minho (this includes a few of the skz members working in his clinic). client!reader. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ only. reader pov. strangers to lovers au. slowburn romance. lots of pining.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. very thematic elements. minho is reader's vet. reader's childhood cat suddenly gets diagnosed with cancer, and she has to make a big decision about what to do. this fanfic includes heavy topics like: pet euthanasia, extreme loss/grief, depression, the problems with pet healthcare, and more. there will be some humor/fluff placed throughout, and also smut somewhere along the way. :))

18+ warnings: masterbation. sexual fantasies. kinda perv behavior but not really??

word count: 3.0k

summary: dr. lee minho is known throughout your area as the city's hottest veterinarian, and he's also the very man that's been taking good care of your two cats for the past three years. but one day, you're thrown down a dark path of heartache when the cat that you've grown up with - nyx - is diagnosed with an acute form of bone cancer. burdened with the hardest decision of your entire life, you come at a crossroads of what to do. and throughout it all, minho is the single most person who continually stays by your side.

a/n: i seriously contemplated on whether or not I should post this chapter, after all of the events of this week. I want to make sure that I am cautious and sensitive to everyone during such a painful time. but in the end, I decided to post this since perhaps, it might help a few of you out there who are dealing with so many emotions right now. I cried while I was writing this last week because it brought up so many feelings that I felt when I had to put down my dog almost 2 years ago. so if this chapter make you sad, please don't feel bad about that or think that you're alone, because I swear that you're not. next week's chapter will be a little bit on the lighter side of things (but just barely). take care of yourselves, okay?? take everything one day at a time. allow yourself to feel a plethora of things, or nothing at all. everyone is different and processes things at a variety of paces. this isn't a race, this is life. and as always, my asks/dms are always open if you just need to vent to a listening ear. I love you guys, and... stay strong, yeah?? ❤️

🐈‍⬛ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋread my rules & guidelines here! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋcheck out my skz masterlist! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋmy wip list! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋskz fic recs [nsfw ver]! :: 18+, MDNI! ࿐ྂ

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You decided to schedule the appointment on a Sunday afternoon, that way you’d be off of work. Since the night you had spent with Dr. Lee in the waiting room after hours three weeks before, he had continually checked up on you throughout the weeks by way of numerous phone calls. And it felt like, with each one that passed, they seemed to grow longer, as the two of you talked about everything and nothing - all in hopes of trying to get your mind off of the imminent date.

From your daily phone calls, you had gleaned some valuable information from Dr. Lee - like the fact that he had been single since he opened up the clinic three years prior since it was pretty hard to keep up a long-term relationship when he was so busy with clients and managing a successful business.

You didn’t even know how the topic of romantic adventures came up in your daily wellness calls, but all at once, you were confiding in Dr. Lee about your most recent boyfriend which had broken up with back in university. But you didn’t go into too much detail about the relationship, and you skimmed over the… bad parts of it all.

You alluded to your horrible breakup with your ex during the conversation, and you briefly mentioned your ex’s awful treatment of you at the very end of the relationship - but you never crossed the line of professionalism and confessed to all the bitterness you still held for your ex. No, you didn’t think Dr. Lee needed to know such intimate details about your life. But also, he probably wouldn’t care. After all, the phone calls were only a means to an end…

And besides, no one else in the entire world knew the extent of your old relationship, so you didn’t see any point in telling a random veterinarian about such a dark part of your past.

The calls seemed to help somewhat - if only to take your mind off of the looming date. But then, as soon as Dr. Lee hung up, your thoughts were clouded with the pain of losing Nyx all over again.

Slowly, you were watching her deteriorate. Dr. Lee warned you that things would go downhill quite fast, and fast they did - since Nyx hardly wanted to eat her meals anymore, even when you’d try to coax her with her favorite treat of a fresh sardine. She was incredibly lethargic and because of the weight loss that she experienced from the lack of an appetite, her thinness only caused more pressure to be put on her legs, which was where the cancer was located.

Throughout it all, Dr. Lee did a tremendous job of preparing you for the day - the day that you were expecting to take the place in your mind as the worst moment in your entire life. The two of you planned it so that his schedule was completely free for the procedure. Originally, he told you that he usually doesn't accompany his clients into the euthanization room, and instead leaves it up to the vet techs to take care of the protocol. But without you even having to ask him, he assured you that he’d be with you the entire time - that he’d be the administer of the drug. Because he already knew, that having anyone else there with you wouldn’t help, not in the least bit. Sure, Yongbok and Hyunjin and Seungmin were good techs, but nothing could compare to the utterly calming presence that Dr. Lee alluded… with his soft, brown eyes and his slight smile and-

You were thinking about him again- damn it.

Because besides being cluttered with the pain of losing Nyx, your mind was also full of so many thoughts about… him.

And how, ever since that night in the clinic, he had continued to call you by your first name. No honorifics, no pretense. And even though he felt familiar and warm to you, you still felt somewhat uncomfortable to drop the doctor title. You wondered if he thought it was odd, how he was addressing you informally, and yet you were still doing the ‘keep it professional’ bit.

When you were busy working at your desk throughout the day, you found your eyes constantly moving over to the side to check your phone. To see if he had called you.

While you were eating your packed lunch by yourself in your office’s break room, your mind kept replaying the way that it had felt, when he had touched you that night - with those slender fingers and warm palms of his.

When you were lounging on your apartment’s small sofa, watching tv before you went to bed, your thoughts drifted off to the sound of his voice, and the way that he always said your name so delicately.

But perhaps worse of them all, is what you would do late at night, when you lay wide awake wrapped up in your duvet covers in bed. Because instead of thinking about Nyx, your musings drifted off to him, yet again.

And perhaps it had something to do with your exhaustion from the end of the day,

Or the fact that it was so very dark in your bedroom,

But more often than not, your imagination would get the best of you, and all at once, things were turning deeper, dimmer…

Flashes of him, and that smile that he always gave you when he first saw you during a visit, danced across your vision,

As you imagined what he’d look like, staring you down, bright eyes glued to your exposed self.

You dreamed about that pretty, red mouth of his, lips turning kiss-swollen and sticky from your very essence.

You wondered how it’d feel, to have him towering over you, whispering sinful words into your ear with that sly tongue of his, as he pressed you further down into the bedsheets.

And when those thoughts came upon you, you just… couldn’t help yourself.

Hand playing with yourself-

Grazing over pert buds,

Tickling a sensitive waist,

Spreading swollen lips,

Brushing against a throbbing knot,

Pushing past folds and curving inward.

And every time, the only thing that crossed your mind, was him.

Him - and his smell and his voice and his built frame.

In those heated moments of twilight, you only ever made one single sound as you thrashed about between your thick duvet covers…

“Minho.”

The name fell from your bitten-raw lips in whispers, cries, and pleas.

Maybe it was because you hadn’t been with a man in so long,

Or maybe it was because you were a grown woman and so naturally, you were extremely horny most of the time.

But all at once, as you delved into such fantasies late at night, you realized that the attraction to him had always been there.

You had just tried to mask it with honorifics and professionalism since you didn’t want to cross any lines. Since you figured that a man of his stature - of wealth and success - would never stoop so low to date a woman like yourself.

Even still, none of that stopped you.

Stopped your midnight explorations or the way that he seemed to inherently infect your very being with every breath that you took throughout the day.

But eventually, the crest of sadness took over everything again, as the day finally came to a head. To your relief, the weather outside on that Sunday afternoon was bright and sunny. You didn’t know what you’d do with yourself if it had been grey and drizzling.

You stopped just outside of the clinic’s doors, forcing yourself to take a good look at it all, as you held Nyx in her carrier at your side. It’d be the last time that you stepped through these doors with her in hand.

And that’s when the tears started. They silently traced down your cheeks, even as you shuffled through the clinic’s front doors slowly. The bell above your head signaled your arrival, and as if on cue, Jisung and Chan’s heads turned in unison from their computers at the front desk to where you stood at the entrance of the clinic.

In an instant, Jisung was getting out of his chair and flitting over to you. “Hi, Y/N,” he said in a soft voice, offering you a gentle smile. “Hi, Nyx.” He bent down in front of you, peering into the black carrier and cooing at your cat.

“How long is the wait time?” You asked, voice shaky as you clutched a little harder on the handle of the carrier.

Jisung peered up at you then, his big, doe-like brown eyes shining with compassion. “About ten minutes.”

You nodded without saying another word, as you began to make your way over to the front desk to check in for your appointment. The entire time you spoke with Jisung, Chan had been watching the two of you in silence, assessing the atmosphere and displaying a compassionate face.

“Ji said it’s gonna be ten minutes.” Is all you said, as you stood in front of the wooden front desk. You couldn’t meet their eyes anymore, your vision too blurry with tears. And frankly, their pity just made you feel even worse just then.

“Yeah, that’s about right,” Chan began, typing away at his computer. Then he slid over a clipboard and had you sign your name at the end of the document. Signing away on the procedure. Signing away on Nyx’s life. “And… I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Me too.” You whispered before you were pulling away from them and taking a seat near the doors to the back of the clinic. Usually, while you waited for your appointment, you’d scroll through social media on your phone or pick up a nearby magazine and peruse the articles.

This time, you just sat there. You sat there in utter despair and silence, before deciding to pull out Nyx from her carrier. She was a little less warm than she had always been, and the thinnest you had ever seen her. Even still, she looked beautiful to you. You pressed your face into her midnight-black fur, taking in the sweet smell of her and nuzzling into her pliable skin.

“I love you so much, girl,” you muttered into her coat, before giving her a few kisses. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for you…”

The minutes ticked by slowly after that, as you clutched on protectively to Nyx. As you kissed your childhood best friend. As you fought for the last seconds spent with the single most stable thing in your entire life.

And then, you heard the fateful call of your name ring out across the waiting room. You stood from your chair, muscles moving like they were trapped in a vat of sticky molasses. Your gaze was fixated on the ground at your feet, so you didn’t see who had called your name.

“Right this way,” it was Hyunjin’s angelic-like voice that graced your ears, as you walked through the threshold and into the back hallway of the clinic. You felt his hand land atop your shoulder, his slender fingers gently squeezing there in a soothing gesture.

Then he was leading you through the back hallways, past the examination rooms that you had sat in with Nyx countless times. Finally, he stopped just in front of a door that was painted in a baby-blue color.

“The doctor will be right with you,” Hyunjin began, his tone ghostly-faint and fading away behind you as your eyes locked with the room you were about to be left alone in. “I’ll be right here when you’re done.”

You didn’t even register the door being shut closed behind you, too focused on the decorations that were placed throughout the room. The walls were painted a sky-blue, with a beautiful stain-glass window in the center of the room. The scene depicted a magnificent sunset, bursting with colors that were burnt cayennes and violets. The room was quite small, but the bright, real flowers placed throughout the area helped to add life to the otherwise depressing atmosphere - with their brilliant yellows and reds. Just underneath the stained glass window was a small pedestal that was covered in a thick duvet and plastic rap, and off in the corner of the room was a sliding glass window with a curtain shielding the other side of the glass.

You sat down on the nearby bench, looking at everything around you. Looking at the pedestal that was before you - where Nyx would be laid to rest. And it felt like your heart was bleeding irrevocably inside of your chest, straining and pumping at the same time as you tried to come to terms with the situation at hand.

At least she was going to join the afterlife in a safe space - at least it was beautiful looking and-

Your thoughts were interrupted by the shutting of the door that you had originally walked through. Lifting your head from Nyx who was peacefully dozing in your arms, you came face-to-face with Dr. Lee. He was dressed in his usual garb of black slacks and a white doctor's coat.

“How are you doing, Y/N?” Was the first thing he asked, as he shut the door behind him and neared you. He knelt in front of your knees, taking both of your hands in his and giving them a gentle squeeze.

That’s when you managed to find the courage to look up into his eyes finally, and the heartache and pain that you found there just made it hurt a little bit more. You felt your bottom lip quake, as the sobs freely flowed from you. You didn’t even have to reply since he already knew how difficult this was for you. So he kept quiet, not moving from his position in front of you and holding onto you as you cried yourself to exhaustion.

“I-I’m ready,” you finally said, roughly scrubbing at your eyes with the palm of one of your hands to try and knock some sense into yourself.

“Are you sure?” He questioned, the concern dripping in his voice from the way that it deepened somewhat.

You nodded furiously, heart hurting so much that it felt like you were going to drop dead from a heart attack any minute. “Y-Yeah.”

Then his hands were slipping away from yours, leaving a fierce shiver to course down the length of your spine at the absence of his touch. He stood close to the curtained window and tapped on the glass once, and you turned your head to the side just in time to glimpse Yongbok pushing the glass aside before he handed over a metal dish that had a small syringe placed in it.

You swallowed around the huge lump that was forming in your dry throat. And when Yongbok offered you a sincere, comforting smile, all you could do was nod once before he was shutting the glass door again, pulling the curtain closed to give you and Dr. Lee some privacy.

Then it was all happening at once - too quickly for you to even grasp - as Dr. Lee was gently taking Nyx from your grasp and laying her down on the cushioned pedestal. She put up no resistance and nudged her little black nose into the palm of his hands, purring in satisfaction. She had always had a soft spot for the doctor.

You stumbled over to her, grabbing hold of one of her paws and squeezing it delicately. You peered up at Dr. Lee through hazy eyes, his face a blotch of color shining through your tear-stained vision. “P-Promise me it’ll be painless, doctor. You- you have to promise me…” Your voice broke off at the end of your words, as you leaned down into Nyx and pressed kiss after kiss into her silky fur.

“She won’t feel a thing, Y/N. I promise.” You heard Dr. Lee say before he was moving again, picking up one of her paws in bated silence. You felt his eyes on you, as you cried into Nyx’s warm skin for the last time.

“I love you so much, girl…” You whispered, voice barely audible to your ears. Cracking irrevocably. “I’ll see you again someday- so... just wait for me there, yeah?”

Then, almost like she could understand your words, Nyx moved her head over to your neck and nuzzled into you, purring lowly. The sobs wracked through your body, as you felt Dr. Lee leaning into her at the same time as you held her close.

You squeezed your eyes shut, like if you closed them long enough, everything would disappear.

The pain,

The loss,

The fear.

And then just like that, Dr. Lee was sighing heavily, a metric ton of agonizing weight in just his breathing alone. “It’s done.”

In the blink of an eye, it was all over.

You clutched onto Nyx’s languid body, holding onto her for dear life. Perhaps, if you held her long enough, she’d come back.

But nothing happened.

There was no more purring,

Or meowing,

Or scratching.

Just…

Utterly nothing.

Silence.

And that was the worst part about it all.

“It hurts,” you began, voice not even sounding like your own from all of the dryness and the crying, “it hurts so fucking much.”

You were shaking your head then, still clutching at one of Nyx’s little pink paws. Then you felt arms wrap around your waist, pulling you against a firm chest. Hands clutched at your sides, and you all but turned around to bury your face into the warmth of Dr. Lee.

“I know,” he said in a hushed tone, his deep, melodic voice so close to your ear that it sent a ripple of shivers across your skin. “I know it hurts, Y/N, but I’m here…”

And then you could do nothing more,

As a new wave of grief washed over you,

Suffocating the very air right out of your lungs,

Drying out your entire being,

Causing the dull pain of a bad headache to bloom across either of your temples.

All you could do at that point was cry and cry and cry, your entire body violently shaking as you held onto Dr. Lee for dear life. And he made no point of pulling away from you. Almost like, he had planned to be there all along.

To be continued...

taglist: want to be added onto my taglist so that you always get notified when i post a new work? well then, comment below on this post/reblog it, and indicate your interest in my taglist and i'll add you... or, you can simply send me a msg and request to be added that way~

🌾 tags: @sleepyleeji :: @if-spearb :: @hyunes4ngel :: @drhsthl :: @seosalad

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hashtagloveloses · 1 year

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so are you back on tumblr after a while or you're new? welcome! it's a lot nicer here lately, and, shockingly enough, the website actually works a lot better too, thanks to the hard work of a bunch of very talented people. the mobile app is constantly improving, but if you're on desktop and used to use things like missing e or xkit, the latest helpful extension is XKIT REWRITTEN, which you can go download and read about at @addons that was created by @april, who worked on new xkit back in the day and now works at tumblr itself!

here's some other helpful tips to know:

PLEASE REBLOG THINGS. it's the main form of engagement here. there is no penalizing for spam interaction, most people are not looking at your blog directly, and it is the main way people find you and you find good content to follow. for original content like fanart and fanfic, it also REALLY helps people out. likes are better for like, personal posts, and for storing things for later. also, it doesn't matter if you blog is a jumble of things - it's yours, nobody cares, and that's kind of the purpose of the site

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A PROFILE PHOTO, BANNER PHOTO, AND UNIQUE URL (that isnt like a bunch of numbers or something), or else people will think you are a bot and block you. you don't have to do anything fancy, you can use the default tumblr theme on your blog itself, but just make sure you look like a real account PLEASE

DO NOT CENSOR WORDS. much like on twitter, if you censor a word for a trigger, it will do the opposite of what you want - people's blacklist and mute functions won't work if the word isn't spelled out in the tags or the text of the post. also there isn't post suppression here.

Don't like your dashboard? Getting bored? Feel like your community is getting annoying? JUST FOLLOW MORE PEOPLE (and maybe unfollow some. a block and an unfollow are always ok). nobody cares, or can see about your follow ratio, and it'll help your dashboard feel more lively (you'll also not give as much of a shit about petty dramas). the follow limit is 5000 last i checked

keep your comments to the tags (unless it's like....really funny or adding something good? use your best judgement). the tags are helpful for subject matter, but you should also use them to talk as like side commentary!

Close your ask box to anons and don't share personal information if you don't want to. You are under no obligation to share your name, age, diagnoses, history, location, face, and you SHOULDN'T. and the ask box is great but if it gets overwhelming just close it. If you're a minor, maybe say somewhere that you're a minor, but that's it. (that goes for any social media site)

MAKE YOUR LIKES AND FOLLOWS PRIVATE. for the love of god. just protect yourself.

just like any social media site - be critical about the things people claim are true on here. screenshots, takes, facts, can be skewed and you should do extra research before believing anything just because somebody said it on tumblr dot com

DON'T GET INTO QUEER OR NEURODIVERGENT LABEL IDENTITY DISCOURSE. whether you are young or old, on tumblr or another site, things will just get confusing and weird. if you learn something here that makes you feel affirmed, great! but also please make sure your interaction with fellow queers (or other neurodivergent people) is not limited to just this site. get involved with a local or school lgbtq center if you can, get to know queer people in your life or queer spaces if you can. (and if you can't - go read about queer history somewhere other than tumblr. do research, watch movies and documentaries. look into disability organizing and history outside this hellsite). Label discourse is also how many unknowing queers and others get recruited to T*RFy shit unknowingly so....be careful out there.

Don't get guilted into things on your dashboard. You should definitely care about the things people are talking about, but you don't have to know about every ill happening in the world at once to be a good person. If you're feeling lost, or hopeless and endlessly scrolling or feel guilted by people online, pick ONE thing you can do, for people in your local community, and then just make a reasonable effort to stay informed otherwise.

create an original tag for your "original" posts, aka the posts you make that aren't reblogs, so you can look at them later

explore the QUEUE FUNCTION! you don't have to use it, nobody cares if you reblog spam, but sometimes it's fun!

Don't know who to follow? Go follow the tags of things you like (TV shows, movies, musicians, aesthetics, whatever!), and suggested posts will pop up on your feed, or you can go through the tag and follow some people who look interesting

#tumblr tips #tumblr #twitter exodus #original post

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wrotelovelytears · 2 years

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If Astrology is Real..

yep I lied... sorta

♨The degree of your ascendant is the age in which you act the most like the sign. You might also physically embody the sign that rules that degree the most then, or start to do so.

♨Pisces with Aquarius placements say the most out of pocket things and come up with the most creative explanations/ insults.

♨Libras with Virgo placements care a lot about appearances, in a more muted and blending in way.

♨6th house Pisces have the wildest everyday experiences. They also have some very strong protection, even if they are a bit... Ditzy when it comes to trusting others

♨Scorpios with Libra placements can be some of the most openly expressive people when it comes to love.

♨12h house Leos (Virgo Risings) take everything personal. Like every time they called out its seen as them having a personal flaw that needs to be corrected. They will end up seeking reassurance that they aren't said flaw and try to consciously reject it while subconsciously embodying it due to focusing on it so much.

♨I know people say Taurus placements hate drama, in reality they hate to BE in drama. They love all the messy stories and gossip however.

♨I'd argue that Taureans have more of a tendency to try to organize everything in their life more than Caps or Virgos. The second house is the house of self worth, so the more you can control the "higher" your self worth feels.

🕳That does mean they struggle a lot with the idea of letting go, it implies they can't control everything and have to simply let it go✨

♨Taurus women definitely the folks that had a "I hate pink👀" phase just to later admit they didn't want to get bullied for liking it when they were younger. (Of course this applies to Taurus men and enbies as well, I highlighted women because they easily fall victim to misogyny (internalized and other).

♨Sorry, imma say it. Sagittarius women have a high tendency to be very misogynistic. Like they all about women empowerment in terms of "I'm better than xyz" "Down with the Patriarchy" and "women should be in the same positions of power as men (regardless if said position is harmful for the masses)". Yet they view other women as competition for the spots they want, and will easily drag another woman for something they wouldn't want another to say about them.

Example... Nicki M

♨Bout to air out my fellow Scorpios. Its not healthy to defend your partner/ ex when you hear someone talking about their behaviors, when you know damn well you dragged them for the same shit. Stop defending stuff you don't like about someone you (did) like because only you can drag them.

~These next couple of observations shouldn't be used to diagnose anyone or yourself. If you believe that you or someone you know fits in any of these categories, please seek out professional help. And know you (and them) aren't alone~

♨Almost every single person I've known with Scorpio in their big three/ Venus has had a cluster B personality disorder(ASPD- psychopathy/sociopath, NPD- narcissist, BPD- borderline, HPD- histrionic) and/or some other form of Neurodivergence (typically ADHD or Autism, some were Bipolar or another personality disorder cluster).

♨Speaking of Neurodivergence, almost every Sagittarius placement ive known has had what most people think of when mentioning ND (Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, tuorettes ). It was especially prominent in those with Virgo/6th house placements.

♨Pisces and 12th housers might actually deny getting help. They would acknowledge there is a problem and even speak on how much it impacts their lives, and then say they don't want to go to therapy or a psychiatrist. Its not that they don't believe in the mental health field, its more of a unconscious fear of being judged or mistreated due to their differences. (Might have also actually sought out help in the past just to be misled or belittled)

♨Gemini can be linked to dysgraphia, dyscalica, dyslexia etc.

🕳Gemini rules over communication, hands and short term/ quick thoughts. Due to that people with certain planets or even Gemini ruled have a higher chance of having one of the above.

🕳The third house having certain placements as well. (Saturn with restricting, Neptune with confusion and the Sun with ego)

♨Pisces/12th house could be looked at in terms of Body dysmorphia. The reason being is the 12th house is linked to the subconscious as well as that which is hidden from us. While Pisces is linked to illusions and fantasy. Having a heavy concentration of either could lead to certain thoughts about oneself. The house Pisces is in could show the area in which BDD is had.

♨Martians (Scorpios and Aries) need to keep their mental health in check. Aries starts to suffer from headaches, migraines and vision problems related to stress. While Scorpios suffer from reproductive organ issues (endometriosis, PCOS, erectile dysfunction etc) as well as increased bladder infections + hemorrhoids.

🕳Both these signs have a tendency to internalize stress (yes, even the imma punch you Aries), and their body suffers until they release it (healthily).

♨People with heavy Venusian (Taurus and/or Libra) traits need to look out in terms of stress experienced via relationships. When they get too stressed it starts to effect their metabolism. Higher lactic acid (leg cramp juice) and higher cortisone (stress juice) can lead to thyroid problems and bladder issues (infections galore).

♨Capricorns, while being known for good bone health are probably suffering due to Pluto being in Cap right now.

🕳Pluto being the planet of extremes means folks are pushing themselves further or just having some bad health in terms of their bones.

🕳The house Capricorn is in can hint to what bones are more effected during this time. (Check both your current Solar return and Natal chart)

🕳12th~feet and ankles, they probably hate you right now. In fact you should probably invest in some better shoes/see a podiatrist

🕳2nd~ your neck/ upper spine... invest in a neck pillow

🕳5th~ your spine and ribs, be careful while lifting things and sitting certain ways. Back pillows will be your best friend

♨Libras have a higher chance of being constipated (having IBS-C) while Virgos have a higher chance of diarrhea (having IBS-D).

🕳Libras also need to be careful in terms of hemorrhoids, reverse anus (please don't google this, if you do that's ya own fault hardheaded), and colon issues.

🕳Virgos need to be careful with dairy (the amount of lactose intolerant Virgos 🥴), gluten and any allergies they have because their guts (and ass) will definitely suffer if not.

♨Yet another point on Virgos... High stress leads to bad gut health. Bad gut health leads to bad mental health. The guts and mind are connected, please look out for both.

Any who... Err I am not "back" per say. I've just decided that its always going to be more important to take care of my physical and mental wellbeing. That does mean even when I like something I can't just push myself. I'm still healing from my surgeries and whatnot, yet being not able to walk around much has made my brain go on overdrive. So that three second "break" I took still applies. I'm just not going to be dramatic or whatever bout it anymore.

And no my readings are NOT open. At least not for now.

(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my masterlist. Kofi: nymphdreams🧸)

#nymph writes astrology #astrology #astroblr #astro tumblr #astrology observations #astro notes #astro observations #astrology tumblr #health astrology #scorpio #pisces #aquarius #libra #virgo #taurus

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coexistentialism · 1 year

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Things that are completely normal with DID and don't indicate that you're faking/don't have it/etc. that I haven't seen many others point out

Please understand that my posts are about DID and OSDD only. They do not include endogenic plurality, but anyone is welcome to reblog this and interact. Just please don't make this post about endogenic plurality when it is not, thank you!

Obligatory disclaimer that I am in no way a professional, should not be treated as such, and please don't take this post as a means to diagnose. Also I mostly say DID in this, but these extend to OSDD as well.

Having really good communication; being able to communicate very easily and quickly. Being able to communicate in very obvious ways, having distinct voices internally.

Maybe you thought that you had imaginary friends all your life and you just happen to have always communicated with them really well under the guise of "imaginary friend" (or "characters" or something else). Maybe you naturally have high levels of communication because that's what you needed to survive. Maybe it was normal in your family and that's why it was normal for you. Or any other reason.

Having really poor communication, or not have ANY communication at all; not hearing any voices whatsoever, communicating through imagery, feelings, etc. rather than words, communication that is practically nonexistent.

Most people have little to no communication with their parts at first, especially if you went many, many, many years past adulthood without knowing about them. Maybe having little to no communication was needed for your survival. Or any other reason.

Or experiencing a completely different way of communicating with one another.

Maybe you can only talk to each other through journalling to each other when you switch. Maybe you can only talk to each other through talking out loud. Maybe through recording, or through another person communicating for you. Or any other ways.

Being incredibly high functioning where you don't appear to have any PTSD symptoms (or DID symptoms) to a point where you can hold down a job well, cook, clean, drive, etc.

Being incredibly low functioning to a point where you're unable to do things like work, cook, clean, etc.

Being around the middle, or fluctuating around.

Feeling like your alters are completely separate people with completely separate feelings, lives, opinions, thoughts, etc. Being open about yourselves as separate individuals online and to close friends/family/others.

Feeling like your alters are only extensions of you with not many differences.

Feeling like some alters are separate people and some alters aren't.

Feeling like your alters are sometimes separate people and sometimes not.

Feeling in between any of these.

Some people just happen to have very different alters with very different names/pronouns/thoughts/opinions/etc. Others don't. Some might have a combination of some alters who feel very different and individual from others, while other alters not so much. All of these are okay, normal, common, and valid.

Having many alters; hundreds, dozens, thousands, whatever.

Having few alters; just 2 or 3 or 7 or so on.

Constantly splitting new alters and fragments very easily, even if you don't seem to be going through any kind of stress or trauma or difficulties.

Constantly splitting new alters and fragments that don't end up "coming back" (maybe they integrated or something else).

You don't need to call yourself polyfragmented or figure out if you could be polyfragmented in order to "justify" to yourself why you could be splitting so much, so often. You COULD be polyfragmented, or you might not be, but regardless, if that's the way your system works, then that's the way it works.

Having MANY introjects, either of real people, from media, or elsewhere.

Having LITTLE introjects or NO introjects.

Having MOSTLY FICTIONAL introjects, especially if you tend to be someone who greatly takes comfort in media and often engages in different media.

Having MOSTLY introjects of real people you know or knew, especially if you tend to be someone who gets attached to real people very quickly, very easily, and very deeply.

...As well as: having many child alters/teen alters/adult alters, or having none or few of those - especially if most of your trauma happened as a child/teen; having many nonhuman alters, or no nonhuman alters or few of those - especially if you grew up FEELING nonhuman due to trauma or something else. Having object alters - many of them, none of them, or few of them, or even alters who identify as or with objects - especially if you went through trauma that you feel like an object, or if you found/find comfort through objects.

HAVING A SYSTEM THAT UNINTENTIONALLY FOLLOWS A "THEME"! Such as having a lot of alters that happen to follow a "space" theme via having a lot of alters with space-related names, or having a lot of alters that happen to be introjects of a single piece of media, or having a lot of alters that seem to have a different "aesthetic theme" for literally any reason whatsoever. I haven't seen this talked about, and while it's not super common, it's not impossible, it doesn't mean you're faking, or that someone else is faking either.

Knowing a lot about yourselves, knowing a lot about your precise origins, why and how and when you split, knowing a lot about what names and pronouns you like, knowing a lot about your identities and what you like and dislike and what hobbies you have.

Knowing nothing about yourselves, to a point you genuinely don't know what or who any of your alters are. Not knowing how to tell if something is an alter, or still you; not knowing what any of your names are, if you have any; literally not knowing anything about any of yourselves, like literally NOTHING, not even who you could be as a specific alter or if you're the "host" or anything.

Actively choosing to learn about yourselves and become self-aware; actively making the choice to figure out your hobbies as yourself, actively making the choice to figure out your likes and dislikes, your opinions, feelings, and how they may or may not differ from other alters.

Being extremely similar and not very different from one another; sharing the same hobbies, speaking without any differences in voice, sharing the same opinions and feelings, using the same name, using the same set of pronouns, etc.

Feeling like you're the only person with DID who has your experience(s), and feeling very isolated and lonely from the community as a result.

Having a lot of amnesia that is very obvious to you and/or others.

Having very little amnesia that isn't obvious and would likely not be noticed unless you were looking for it.

Amnesia that mostly looks like forgetfulness and micro-amnesia.

Memories that are constantly shared between alters.

Not being sure if you have amnesia and struggling to figure out if you do.

Having a lot of flashbacks and nightmares; having flashbacks and/or nightmares that can leave you bedridden for days or weeks. Having flashbacks/nightmares that are very frequent and often make life difficult.

Having very minimal nightmares/flashbacks. Having flashbacks/nightmares that seem to have no effect on you (having a nightmare, but not necessarily waking up in distress, or having a flashback that does not necessarily cause you to have an "extreme" reaction).

Sometimes having flashbacks or nightmares, sometimes not having them. Fluctuating between some weeks where you struggle greatly with flashbacks/nightmares, while other weeks it's the opposite.

#actuallydid #did osdd #did system #osdd system #my posts

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