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icequeenbae · 3 years

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Desert Flower (m) Ch. 1 | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader x Baëkhyun

Characters: EXO and X-EXO (not all of them mentioned)

EXO vs X-EXO dynamics, complicated relationships, angsty, action, smut (as usual)

Warnings: sorta mingling with your ex’s ‘evil twin’, mentions of blood/ violence (nothing too graphic… I suppose), Y/N gets teary a lot(?), explicit content, rough sex, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~13.5k (full), ~3.7k (Chapter 1)

Summary: Baekhyun, your beloved boyfriend of three years, suddenly breaks up with you and disappears from the city in an attempt to protect you. But leaving you alone and clueless means trouble will surely find you. For it is easy to spot a flower in the desert.

Masterlist >> One >> Two (m) >> Three (m) >> Four (fin)

Author’s Note: Yay, this is happening!!! My first BaekBaёk, oml I’m gonna-

Ok. I’ll admit right off the bat that I wouldn’t be posting this any time soon without my lovely beta @baekshoney 🖤 She’s the person I turn to when I think there’s a million little things I could’ve done better, because that’s what I always think. I had to give myself a cut-off date to finally give up editing this 😅 So, I’d really appreciate it if you guys could share your thoughts and opinions on this too. My asks, dms and comments are places where you’re always welcome! Now, let’s get into this!

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo @baeklightsx @wooya1224 @baekklove

Chapter 1. The beginning of the end

It was all too sudden.

The words he’d said deafened you. Refusing to believe what you were hearing, you shook your head and took a step back, as if doing so could start the conversation you’d just had over. Or rewind the time and allow you to prevent the words from coming out of his mouth in the first place. But he was firm, unyielding in his stance.

‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated. ‘It’s my fault. I should’ve known better.’

Than to start this relationship, was what he meant. That he should have avoided getting in a relationship with you altogether, and breaking up with you would’ve never become an issue.

‘Why?’ You tried to speak, but your lower lip started to tremble, silencing you at once.

This was all wrong. It couldn’t have been true, what he was saying.

He licked his lips, looking away, hands forming tight fists at his sides as he tried to recollect himself and urge his body to stay frozen on the spot.

That did not work for long – the sight of you, so small, so stunned and defeated, with tears welling in your eyes while you tried to stifle them… He couldn’t. It was stupid of him to break his act so easily, but you were too precious to him to just leave you like this.

Sighing and cursing himself out in his mind, he took a stride towards you and gathered you tightly in his arms.

‘I am sorry, Y/N,’ he continued softly, hearing you hiccup in his unexpected embrace. ‘But I have to leave. We- I should’ve stayed away from you from the start. Forgive me for being so weak.’

You sobbed at his words, shaking your head stubbornly and clinging to his broad chest as an act of desperation.

‘I can come with you!’

‘No,’ he interrupted your crazy idea. ‘I’m leaving you behind. To keep you safe.’

‘Safe from what?’ You questioned, half-annoyed now.

He kept insisting that he wished to protect you, but how was leaving you all alone ensuring your security? And why would you even consider it, when you only felt safe while with him?

‘I cannot tell you. The more you know, the more dangerous it is.’

‘Baekhyunie, please,’ you wiped the tears and grabbed onto his vest as he moved to pull away. ‘You can’t just decide this on your own!’

‘Y/N,’ he took hold of your wrists, not removing them just yet. ‘I know it’s hard, and I never wanted to hurt you like this. But there’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind. I’d rather break your heart than risk your life, so it’s not really a choice.’

He looked around as if to make sure you were not being watched, and then leaned in to place a farewell kiss on your temple – his favorite spot. You sniffled, realization of the inevitable setting in.

‘Just let me go, flower,’ his voice lowered to a whisper, and you sobbed at the pet name. ‘You’ll be better off without me, I promise.’

‘No,’ you protested as he freed himself from your grasp, and took a step back. ‘No, Baekhyun, don’t leave,’ you clawed at his forearm, trying to stop him. ‘We can deal with it together, we can think of something! I don’t want to be without you,’ you whimpered sorrowfully.

He shook his head, shying away from your touch, while you desperately tried to hold him back.

But you couldn’t. He gently peeled your hands off to walk away, and you missed the pained crease between his eyebrows when he turned his back on you to escape your apartment.

‘Please, don’t do this…’ You whispered, voice breaking in anguish. Just as your heart was.

Yet, Baekhyun kept walking. Leaving you to weep in the unwelcoming emptiness of your home.

Leaving you for good.

***

Your relationship with Baekhyun started almost three years ago.

Still new to university life, you found yourself in the midst of a soap opera worth of drama when a bunch of transfer students joined all at once, some even in the same year as you. All highly attractive, they usually hung out together and spent less time than needed socializing with the outside world.

Not that you cared too much – sure, the excitement going around was making you curious, but they looked too handsome, almost to the extent that you found it intimidating. Ironically, the most intimidating you found Baekhyun. His then long dark hair with strands of red and a mullet hairstyle, the sharp green eyes, the pierced eyebrow, and the lip ring that made him look like a very attractive hooligan... The piercings turned out to be just as fake as the eye color, which did not disappoint you at all.

Funny enough, you only got to know this bad boy because he took a liking to retreating to the campus library. Hiding from all of the attention, of course. While some members of his clique actually basked in it, he preferred to disappear to the remote aisles of the quiet space and read a book, or, more likely, sleep with one on his chest. You saw him like that often, since you were stuck in there yourself – essays for different classes were piling up rapidly. As a diligent student, you were determined to do well in your first year of university, so dragging yourself to the library to stay glued to your laptop was the best option.

Coincidentally, you also preferred to stay in the less lively spaces, as you tended to seek peace and quiet to focus on your assignments. Your attention span… wasn’t impressive, to say the least, so you did your best to avoid any distractions. However, you didn’t count on a certain sleep lover to be one of them.

It was not the first day you spent close enough to notice the tranquil expression he wore on his face as he was snoozing. It was, however, the first time he caught you staring mindlessly in his direction. Burning the deepest shade of red in your cheeks, you grabbed your books and quickly made yourself scarce, thanking heavens for the multiple aisles of books around. You walked around for ten minutes or so, actually placing your books back where they belonged and finding a secluded corner to check out what else was on the shelves. Squinting, you tried to read the name of the tome that had gotten your attention, and raised your arm to get it from the level that was clearly too high for you. Thankfully, someone reached over your head and helped you obtain the book. You turned around to say thank you but instead were suddenly pushed back into the shelf by the taller figure with neat red strands. Speechless, you only held your book close and gaped at him, as he leaned forward.

‘Ever heard about the cat killed by curiosity?’ He hummed, eyes piercing you from above.

You swallowed, knees getting weaker as you registered the fresh musky smell coming off of his brightly colored shirt.

To push your buttons, he decided to get even more scandalously close to you, arm holding onto the rack behind you to keep balance.

‘Nothing wrong with being curious!’ You jabbered. ‘In fact, if people preserved the curiosity they have as kids they would’ve had a much bigger learning capacity as adults.’

He huffed. You weren’t sure if he was shocked or amused, because your eyes looked anywhere but his face. In fact, they lowered enough to fix on your forearm, resting across his rib cage, and your fist pressing slightly into his pec to keep him at least at a minimal distance.

At this you gasped, eyes widening and returning to his face, only to catch an inquisitive spark in his retinas as he nudged the lip ring with his tongue. Sighing, he took a step back, finally allowing some space between you.

‘Can’t write a philosophy essay with this, little flower,’ he chuckled. ‘Or if you can… I’d be impressed.’

You looked down in confusion, understanding that the book you were holding was from a Botanics section. ‘The Oxford Book of Wild Flowers’, read the title.

But… How did he know about your philosophy assignment?

***

Only later had Baekhyun confessed that he had had an eye on you for a while by the time this incident took place, but the moment of your outburst was what got to him. When he looked down at your cornered form, holding a book to your chest so innocently, and keeping him away instinctively with one arm. He had to bite his tongue to prevent a smile from making its way onto his face. That was it for him, and even though he wanted to avoid you and keep interactions with you to an absolute minimum, he couldn’t help but find ways to draw your attention. Like that one time, when you walked out of the library because the loud noises from the outside made your concentration for the night crumble.

The source of that noise was, in fact, a certain convertible, blasting the music for the entire campus to hear. You would have come up to complain that your studying was cut short if you didn’t have perfect eyesight. It allowed you to see that there was a red-haired problem sat in the car, with a bare foot resting lazily against the panel. Ready to run the other way, you turned around, meeting a solid chest with your forehead. You discovered that it was a rather cheerful guy in the same year as you, Jongin, and the other one with him was Sehun. And those two stalled you long enough for Baekhyun to make an entrance.

It was the first time he tried asking you out. And got rejected.

However, as much as you wanted to take ownership of that and say that you were playing hard to get when you walked off and left him stunned by your refusal, that was not the case. This guy made your throat go dry at the mere sight of him! He was way too handsome, and he also looked kind of… well, he looked like he’d break your heart without thinking twice about it. And that you couldn’t allow.

But then again, good girls do tend to fall for bad boys. Or was he only pretending to be bad? You’d never heard anything that discredited him, except for the way he stared people down sometimes. That once happened to a fellow student in your class. After he sat next to you during lunch.

Actually, almost the entire week following that incident you had lunch alone because everyone kept making excuses to sit elsewhere. That was how you became friends with Jongin and Sehun. Having had a few classes together, you were more or less acquainted with each other, so you didn’t mind when Jongin suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a tray and asked you if they could join. He even had lunch with you when Sehun wasn’t around – you figured that it made Jongin even more chatty. So much so, that one day he leaned across the table to get slightly closer, and used his most clandestine voice on you.

‘You know, hyung could burn a hole in anyone next to you with his glare, but I’m immune to his ‘charms’, thankfully,’ he giggled and added, ‘Still, I think you should give him a chance. Baekhyun’s a good guy, and he’s kinda torn as it is. Asking you out was a pretty big step for him.’

Honestly, you had a hard time believing that. Baekhyun… was probably the kind of guy, who never even had to ask. You could look around and easily spot a dozen eyes that were fixed on him at this very moment. Why in the world would he want to date you, clearly not the ‘easy-going’ party type? He probably wanted to get into your pants just for sport, like the rest of the pretty boys.

‘Whatever you’re thinking, it’s far from the truth. Ugh, Junmyeon will kill me for this!’ Jongin cursed himself and continued, before you could ask. ‘Hyung looks rough around the edges, but he’s really a softie. Trust me on this.’

‘Are you his wingman or something?’ You snorted dubiously, getting a little timid from this discussion.

‘Ha, are you kidding? He’s gonna strangle me if he finds out. Like I said, he’s torn between staying away from you and persisting in his efforts to take you out. Just think about it,’ he ended with an attempted (but failed) wink.

As if to take away your chance to process the unexpected input, Jongin shoved Baekhyun in your direction the very next day. Disappearing from the cafeteria right after, of course. Envy his subtlety. But, apparently, what he said earlier had an effect, so you only nodded when a flustered figure asked for permission to sit with you. He looked quite different from the previous times you saw him up close – much less confident and intimidating. But he seemed sincere when he said he just wanted one chance.

And that was how your relationship picked up. It took a whirlwind course from the very beginning, and the hot summer before your second year of university was the most torturous time ever for the both of you. Still wary of getting played, you only trusted Baekhyun enough to get intimately close months and months into dating. And he was patient with you, going at a slow pace, letting you pull away whenever you wanted. Until you didn’t want to anymore.

That last leap of faith was a beginning in itself – a true beginning of you and Baekhyun. The final seal was broken, and you entrusted yourself fully to him, which he repaid by showering you in his affection and feelings that he himself had not come to acknowledge just then.

After a year together, you were not simply allowed into the inner circle, but also educated about the special abilities that Baekhyun and his friends had. You were first interrogated by their leader, Junmyeon, who wanted to make sure you had no ulterior motives and were not going to tell a living soul about them. He called it ‘a quick chat’ as he dragged you in a scarcely furnished room where he sat you down at the small metal table across from him. The leader asked you questions and tried reading your verbal and non-verbal cues, so it was clearly an interrogation. Junmyeon was pretty experienced in this, so he could instantly tell that you were harmless. And you also passed the test, answering the most ridiculous questions about Baekhyun – apparently, that was to make sure you were not ‘faking it’ – so, he accepted you into their family.

However, knowing too much was dangerous, so you only learned about their powers and how they came from the so-called EXO Planet when they were young (talk about dating an alien!), and that the organization they called ‘the Red’ amongst themselves wanted to hunt them down. They also used to be held hostage by these people – and that was just about as much you knew about the issue because Baekhyun kept you away from the ‘unnecessary details’. He only told you that they seemed to be hidden well in this town, surrounded by just enough people to blend in and disappear. And you worried, always, because you knew too little about the dangers surrounding the group, and even less about how you could contribute to their safety.

Baekhyun laughed when you once brought it up, finding your concern nothing but cute.

‘You don’t have to worry about it, flower. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe, not the other way around,’ he then said, playing with the curly ends of your hair.

You frowned at that. Why was it not your job to take care of him? If you could help, you wanted to help. But he always brushed you off, saying that the only thing you should do to help is staying out of trouble. Like that was a challenge – you either studied or hung out with him and his friends, not much room to stir trouble. The only other person you talked to regularly was your roommate, and she was also pretty harmless.

As time went by, you got closer to your own graduation, basically, one year left before you had to figure it out for yourself again. Your boyfriend was always supportive, but you couldn’t help but wonder how he imagined your future. He was always up to something but never shared it with you since it was ‘nothing for you to worry about’. Had he not shown you his actual abilities before, you would’ve certainly thought that it was a crazy lie he told you to cover up for some kind of illegal activity. In reality, some illegal activities were going on, especially since hacking and cracking was one of Minseok’s specialties (but mostly because they needed to keep their identities out of sight). Another reason why they didn’t all go to the same school when they arrived, and also why they changed their appearance ever so often. The lucky mullet was long gone by the time you had your first Christmas together, and you had had the pleasure of seeing him in multiple hair colors throughout almost three years of your relationship. Notably, the first dozen or so make-out sessions you had with him took place when he had just cut his hair and dyed it pitch black. And he still wore his fake lip ring at the time, which was an experience in itself. He did know how to use his mouth…

Admittedly, you were kind of used to being the object of the boys’ shameless teasing every time you hung out together. The way Baekhyun kept you close and fussed about everything was, apparently, atypical for their usually chill and humorous hyung. He was their second-in-command, after all, the genius behind the strategic planning of the group, and the mind that kept them hidden for so long in one place.

Because of you.

One of the boys had previously let it slip that they hadn’t lived anywhere for that long before, maybe not even for one full year. But this time Baekhyun was determined to stay for a while, now that he had an anchor.

But the day came. When he found out that they might’ve been compromised, he got scared. The way he’d never feared anything before. And he’d been through a lot, to put it mildly. Baekhyun could maintain a cold and sharp mind at all times, that was his thing, but not when it came to you. Once he figured out that there was a real chance, that they could’ve found the EXO hideout and, thus, could connect you to the boys, he couldn’t think straight. Overwhelmed by a sudden panic, he sought advice from the leader.

‘You know it’s not me who’s supposed to decide,’ Junmyeon sighed, looking at his disheveled second. ‘I told you a relationship wasn’t a good idea. I also think that keeping her close means putting her life in jeopardy.’

His words were cutting through Baekhyun as he paced the room, long fingers grasping his own hair.

‘But it still may be a safer option than leaving her here,’ the leader added, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘We need to relocate fast, and you have the ‘better of two evils’ situation on your hands.’

‘I know I should leave her,’ Baekhyun stopped in his tracks, turning his head to the leader. ‘But what if they already know, hyung?’

‘Minseok had every trace of her erased, not a single camera in town had a glimpse of her with you. They might have found our footprints in the sand, but those don’t necessarily lead to her. I suppose they should move on as soon as they come here and realize that we’re nowhere around.’

‘Most likely, but what if-’

‘They can very well catch up to us while we run. Like I said, there isn’t a right answer, but a choice. And I think that you’ve already made it when you should give her a voice, too,’ the leader pushed.

‘I-’ Baekhyun turned away to hide the glassy eyes from Junmyeon. ‘I have to give her a chance, hyung. I cannot sentence her to a lifetime of running and danger. And I know she’s silly enough to throw herself into it if she has a say in this.’

‘And if you’re wrong? You’re going to break her heart as a precaution?’

‘She won’t die from a broken heart. Can you imagine what they’d do to her if they find out?’

Junmyeon bit his lip. This time, the choice was completely out of his hands. He thought his second was making a mistake, but it was not his place to decide. Exhaling again, he nodded.

‘Tell her in the morning. We’re moving out as soon as the rain starts.’

>> Chapter 2

A/N: So, what do you think? This is more of an introductory chapter, I know, but it covers quite a lot of their relationship with Baek. You must be excited to see where this goes and when Baёk appears? Or if Baekhyun is coming back? Me too, me too 🙈

#baekhyun smut #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun x you #baekhyun #exowritersnet #icequeenbae fics #x exo #Desert Flower #2baek #baekbaёk #exo fanfiction #baekhyun fanfic

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demonslayedher · 3 years

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Dream Analysis of Mugen Ressha

Spoilers for the movie, while it does not depart from the plot of the manga, they made adaptational choices which I may refer to within.

While Enmu has control over what kind of dream his victims see, ultimately, he would have no way of knowing all of the details of his victims' lives, so we can assume that he is prompting his victims to fill in a lot of the details themselves. These are the worlds they surround themselves with consciously, but their untouchable unconscious spaces say just as much.

I've said some of this before, but these dream sequences give us so much to say about Inosuke, Zenitsu, Kyojuro, and Tanjiro.

Into the dream: Did that "Rengoku-aniki" thing really happen???? It's animated like a fever dream (or drawn like a typical Gotouge-being-Gotouge panel), but both the movie and the manga leave this inconclusive. It can be interpreted two ways: 1. The two other demons were there all along as decoys, set to appear only when Enmu's blood technique slowly started to take effect so that they'd let their guard down. In this way, we'd know that the boys had a true way of witnessing Kyojuro's prowess and a true bonding moment, thereby making his death hit all the harder later. This would also mean that one of the cars was totally unusable for passengers, and many of the passengers were already thoroughly spooked before falling into sleep. It would also imply that they were all super excited, thoroughly relieved, returned to their seats, and then just passed out.

2. The moment the tickets were clipped, Enmu's very, very, very realistic dreams took immediate effect, but he still needed time before it took effect enough that their guards would go down. If this is the case, then it implies the following: 1. Enmu's illusions can be shared 2. Everyone syncs extremely well together to have all been sucked in by the same illusion (it's possible it was only Tanjiro's, but since we get in everyone's heads a little in this part, I believe they all experienced the same thing). Reacting in ways so true to how they would in waking like, they learned as much about each other as truthfully as they would have if they were fighting while awake. 3. The "Rengoku-aniki" thing is the moment they're falling into a deeper stage of sleep, when any bizarre thing will make sense. They've lost any sense of holding back and are embracing the emotions as they hit them. Even if that was all a dream, the bond formed was very real. But then, as they fall deep, they fall into their own headspaces. Inosuke: I love how bombastic this dream is. It moves at a very fast pace, and everything revolves around Inosuke. He is physically much larger than Ponjiro, Chuuitsu, and Pyonko, who clearly follow him as their leader, the most powerful person in this cave exploring world full of wonder and excitement. True to life, these underlings can at times be frustrating or stupid, but there is no one else Inosuke would rather have at his side to take on a hugely impressive foe. It's a relatively simplistic world, what Inosuke really cares about is his place in it, and who is there.

Taking it a step deeper, he should not be able to manifest in his self-conscious space, but Gotouge attributes his and Zenitsu's ability to do this and protect their cores from intruders to their strong senses of self. What's telling is that his subconscious space is practically identical to his conscious dream space; like there is no breakage between one stage of reality and the next. In its Zen-like simplicity Inosuke's mind is never at odds with itself, its interpretation of reality is fluid and seamless. However, being at this deeper state brings us to a deeper state of self actualization, with Inosuke manifesting closer to the ideal beast he views himself as.

Now, with Inosuke being so fully invested in what he sees as reality, he's still got a carry-over effect from dream after waking up, which one could interpret as not having fully shaken the effects of Enmu's blood technique. After all, Zenitsu simply never broke out of it, Tanjiro had to kill himself in his dreams each time to fully snap out of it, and Kyojuro was the only one powerful enough to have broken through its effects through his own willpower. When Tanjiro says the train is a demon, he buzzes with "I was right!" (a conviction that only got stronger in his dream), and Inosuke's declarations of being the boss and Tanjiro being his underling are indignantly plentiful and he fully believes what he is saying every time he brings it up, even if he's aware that he's no longer in the cave exploring dream. But, given that Inosuke is so at peace with his own version of reality, it's also just as likely that his conviction of being The Boss was also only compounded by the dream, and all that dream did was give him a more fun setting in which to play around in. But, what was so fun about the dream, what made him sleep-giggle with pleasure, was that everyone else was finally getting with the program and recognizing him as the boss, as they should. Finally. It's so frustrating in real life that he has to keep reminding them to get it right. Get it, Santaro?? GOOD. Zenitsu: What I love here is the contrast between subconscious and conscious space. Both of them have the same theme melody, but played in very, very different ways. They also both play with the same core desire in very different ways as well. Is it so much to ask that he can just spend some time alone with the girl he loves?? If we jump straight to the pitch black unconscious space, he specifies to the intruder that only Nezuko is allowed there. Not just girls in general, not a close friend like Tanjiro, only the one girl he loves, and even then, you'd have to love someone a lot to invite them into the deepest, darkest corners of your soul. And it is a very, very, very, very dark corner. Zenitsu's spent most of his life building that dark, pessimistic personality, compounded by the treatment he's always received throughout his life and what he believes about himself at his core. He's ugly and depraved there, and very defensive. Because he holds himself in such darkness, that makes him desire the bright, happy, completely idealistic world of his conscious dream world. It's rich with detail and warm and he knows it well, that places is the first place he ever felt someone have hope for him; it's Jiichan's home, that sunny place with delicious peaches and full of clovers and lush greenery and a charming stream. Of course he'd want to show it all to Nezuko, she deserves to see such a happy, pretty place! And, while the world is idealized and happy, Nezuko is e-x-t-r-e-m-e-l-y cute and actually wants to hang out with him too. She's willing no hold his hand, none of the girls who dated (read: used) Zenitsu in the past were ever willing to hold his hand. He even gets to show her that he can be cool, and she likes it!! She looks him in the eyes and is totally honest about enjoying his company!!

He just wants someone to want him back. He wants to belong in the sunshine too. So, even if he had it in him to wake up from Enmu's blood technique, who can blame him for staying there? (You know, besides Tanjiro, who has been desperately screaming for them all to wake up and help him protect the passengers. Zzzzz, five more minutes, Tanjiro, zzzzzzz----) Kyojuro: This... isn't really a happy dream. Kyojuro has accepted a lot of sad parts of his reality so wholeheartedly that he doesn't seek the comfort of a dream in which his mother is still alive, or a dream in which his father is proud of him. Instead, what Kyojuro was looking for was the chance to go back and say more to Senjuro. This implies that on the real day he knelt in that room, while his father faced away and read the book* while Kyojuro told him all about how he defeated Lower Moon Two and became a Pillar, and was met with his father's heartbreakingly unenthusiastic reply, he later went outside and...

...didn't say any words of comfort to Senjuro.

This regret, that he didn't do more for his brother whom he knew was hurting in his own silent ways this whole time, was what sat most bothersomely in Kyojuro's otherwise peacefully self-assured psyche (or fired-up psyche, if you go by his subconscious space) . It makes sense that in his dying wishes, the first thing he requests is that Tanjiro do this in his stead. *Speaking of that book, Kyojuro had forgotten about it until his memories pulled together to create the details of the dream, which was why he thought to mention it to Tanjiro later. This shows that Enmu is not an architect of people's dreams, he only sets them in motion. How believable they are depends on each victim. (Totally unrelated, I love the design of the Rengoku estate's garden??? It's primarily evergreen and unflowering trees, meaning it stays relatively steadfast throughout the year, a garden designed in samurai villa taste. Plus the details of the house also fit really well, I think??? Would need to review research of buke-yashiki architecture to say more.) Tanjiro: ...*deep breath* This boy really, really wants to go home. Like, the climax of the movie is amazing and all, but it's the scenes with Tanjiro's family that make me cry. Ugh, where do I start. Enmu probably just grabs on to whatever thread of a desire a person has, and then he just tugs on it and says "this way, let's go really far in this direction, show me where it goes, hmm, okay, nice, lovely. Have fun here, I've now seen enough to write my own angsty version for later." So... so I'm just going to work backwards a moment. Enmu screwed up here, thinking he could really read the depth of Tanjiro's family and his feelings for them. He thought he could make a convincing version of these "characters" cry and shove Tanjiro around and speak meanly to him and make him feel shame. And the cut to that dream, OH MY GOSH, truly horrific sound and color change. But Tanjiro's sees through it so fast that he wakes up immediately and uses that anger at how Enmu wrote them to cut off his "head." You screwed up, Enmu, you blew it, maybe other people would very so blown down by the shock that they wouldn't question how unreal that dream sequence is, but Tanjiro has honed his fighting spirit so much that it's been nagging him even throughout his happy dream. And he really, really, really wants to stay in that happy dream. Like, even though he's on guard at the beginning, so much so that he only focuses on the familiar feeling of a demon being around and does not notice the familiar landscape AT ALL. But the moment Hanako and Shigeru step in, convincingly made from Tanjiro's memories and unedited by Enmu, Tanjiro throws that all away in an instant. As he says when he's trying, after trying and trying and trying to rip himself away from the dream, he was never even supposed to had left this world. He was never supposed to had touched anything like a sword, they were all supposed to stay there together, living their simple life. If things hadn't gone wrong that one night. Tanjiro cares deeply about his mission, he's adopted his training deeply, he has serious desire to improve, which is why his subconsciously keeps trying to call himself back to reality, but it's so hard, because this is where he wants to be, and it's even harder because it feels so real. It's a little peeve of mine when families with lots of little siblings are written to be too angelic and idealistic, and there is some of that with the "let's make sembei, yaaaay" scene, but... but that's actually pretty true. I'm giving myself away with how close this hits to home, but it's a dynamic in a lot of large families, especially large families pretty happy to stay to themselves and people who live the same sort of conservative, traditional lifestyle, to foster in the older siblings some pride in taking care of the little ones and helping create that happy world for them, even if taking care of little kids can be rough. It's not to say that things are always happy and fluffy, they're not, and that's not to say even

happy kids don't resent being in a large family sometimes. But there's plenty of moments in daily life, especially in the presence of small children, that you get swept up into a sillier, happy, caretaker side of yourself, and since you all grow up with these silly moments together, you're going to naturally fall into into some silly, scripted-feeling moments of "then I'll be in charge of eating the sembei!" "no faaaaair!". So, I'll give the sembei scene a pass because that IS a moment that happens in years of moments with the same posse of kiddos around you all the time. But it's also so striking to me how each of Tanjiro's siblings, however idealized, has their own personality. The traits are so subtle but consistent and Tanjiro knows all of them. They pick up on things about each other, they grow realistically annoyed and surprised and concerned and scared like they would if they were real instead of only Tanjiro's memories of them. Those kids feel so real to me, even if they are annoyingly overidealized in some parts as Tanjiro is letting himself get swept away. And just when he's managing to part from it to go face reality, Enmu makes more attack: he brings in Nezuko, trying to make it feel like there's no point in Tanjiro running at all. She's fine. There's nothing left for him to fight for. Everything's fine. And all over again, Tanjiro just stops. He KNOWS it's not real, but he's hurting so much to hear her voice again that he just sto-o-o-o-ps. And his desire to stay with the others catches up to him all over again, and he's tempted all over again to stay, EVEN KNOWING IT'S NOT REAL and there are very, very, very pressing matters to attend to. Even if it was all a little happy and idealized, more than anything, it felt like life always did. It's telling that when Tanjiro finally, FINALLY pulls away from that that time, he doesn't look back, and the family stops chasing him. This is Tanjiro accepting reality, however much it hurts. He's already had a couple years to accept this, but it was all overwhelming to get such a vivid taste of it again.

Tanjiro wants to do well to his organization and honor Urokodaki's training and avenge the fallen and prevent anyone else from being hurt and see an end to Kibutsuji Muzan and make Nezuko human again, but more than anything, he wants that simple life. And it's so, so heartwarming that at the end of the manga, he gets it.

It's not the same. It'll never be the same.

He never wanted a life with a sword, but he's been working so hard at it anyway.

#my heart is broken and it's Kamado Tanjiro's fault #KnY Fandom Theories and Meta #Mugen Ressha Hen #Kamado Tanjiro #Kamado Tanjirou #Agatsuma Zenitsu #Hashibira Inosuke #Rengoku Kyoujurou #Rengoku Kyojuro

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iliveiloveiwrite · 3 years

Note

For blurb night!! Fluff 7 10 and 13 for Anthony and misc 4 and 8 for Bucky!!💕💕💕💕My two soft and angsty boys🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

(these are going to be under a ‘keep reading’ as it’s two requests, thank your for taking part)

To Wait For You

Fluff 7: “Of course I waited for you.” // Fluff 10: “You look wonderful.” // Fluff 13: “Are you wearing my clothes?”

blurb requests are closed, please do not send anymore.

London in May is decidedly wet. Though Spring was in full swing, the heavens had opened through the night and a rain had soaked the city.

At some point in the night, you had been chased from sleep by your dreams. Your husband lay soundly asleep by your side; a hand outstretched, wanting to touch you even in the deepest of dreamlike states. Knowing full well that you weren't going to be falling back asleep soon, you left your marriage bed, grabbing a piece of clothing from the floor, and leaving your beloved husband to sleep in peace.

Condensation lines the window of Anthony’s office and you rest your forehead against it with a sigh. The staff would be up soon, wanting to get the fires lit so the house would be comfortable when you both awoke. It seemed today, however, you would be active before the staff.

You couldn't pinpoint why you had woken up; the dream wasn't frightful and you hadn't gone to bed angry. Rather the opposite, you had fallen asleep wrapped up in the strong arms of the man you pledged your forever to. Pressing a hand to your face, you go through the events of the last few days, wondering and pondering over why your body didn't need the sleep.

“Are you wearing my clothes?” Anthony asks, his voice hoarse with disuse. Ten minutes ago he had been fast asleep, now he was standing in his study watching you fiddle with the hem of his white dress shirt.

“I grabbed the first thing I could find,” You admit sheepishly after startling sightly. You peer up at your husband through your lashes. “I can find something else if you don't think it’s appropriate...”

“No!” Anthony all but shouts, his voice loud in the early hours. “Don’t change. You look wonderful.”

Your face flashes at the compliment; still very much in the honeymoon phase of the marriage. The actual honeymoon had ended some weeks ago; returning to London with your husband on your arm to find that you were very much having trouble keeping your hands off him. Who wouldn't? He had eyes of sapphire, and a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts. It felt inevitable that you were to fall for the Viscount.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” Anthony asks, joining you at the window where he reaches for your hand, feeling the coldness and rubbing some warmth into them.

You smile at the action, utterly besotted by the blue eyed man across from you. “I’m not too sure,” You answer honestly, “I can't seem to find a reason.”

“That means you've been thinking too much.”

“Have I?” You laugh, “I suppose I have.”

“What about?”

“Us, I suppose,” You sigh happily, poking your husband with a toe. “I’ve been thinking about us.”

“Good things I hope,” Anthony smiles wryly.

“The best,” You laugh. “I’m glad you waited for me,” You whisper, thinking of the age difference between you and your husband. Five years wasn't a lot in your eyes, but to some, it was a gaping void that could only bring trouble.

Anthony brings your joined hands to his lips where he presses kiss after kiss to the back of your hand. “Of course I waited for you. I love you too much.”

“I love you too.”

--------

Hatboxes and Love Letters

Misc 4: pinky promises // Misc 8: handwritten love letters.

The tradition knows no origins. A Barnes’ family secret for as long as the child could remember; her mother and her father leaving notes around the house. Menial notes that ask for more bread to bought from the supermarket, that the child has a dance recital that we absolutely cannot miss - call everyone and remind them.

Other notes were kept out of the child’s eyes, a secret unknown until the child had turned into a teenager.

The teenager found the box full of love letters on a whim. An old hat box sitting on a shelf; the colour faded, a sign of its age. The lid slides off easily, showing light on countless pieces of paper - some long, some short, some brown with age and some fresh as if written just yesterday.

The teenager delves right in, reading and reading as if she were running out of breath.

“I’ve lived what feels like a thousand different lives, but the one I have with you is what I will cherish most. Pinky promise, Bucky.”

“Look after my heart, I know it’s safe with you. Pinky promise, Bucky.”

“I still think of the first night you told me you loved me. Doll, I’ve never known happiness like that until the day we brought our child home. Pinky promise, Bucky.”

“To be given the chance to live my life with you - the love of my life - that is what I fight for. My heart beats for you, doll. Pinky promise, Bucky.”

“What have you found?” He mother asks from the doorway, no trace of anger in her voice.

“I was reaching for one of dad’s jumpers, but I found this,” The teenager gestures to the hatbox and the letters piled in there.

“I haven't read these in a long time,” Her mother muses, a soft smile turning up the corners of her ageing face.

“What does ‘pinky promise’ mean? All the letters from both you and dad are signed with ‘pinky promise’.”

“When your father used to go out on missions all those years ago, I would make him pinky promise to come back to me. A pinky promise is sacred you see, you can't break them. After a while, ‘pinky promise’ replaced ‘I love you’ in our language,” Her mother confesses, taking a seat on the edge of her bed and holding a hand out for the hatbox of love letters.

The teenager hands them over, watching the memories flicker over her mother’s face as if it were her own private cinema. At this moment, the teenager feels as if she has invaded some private memory - something to be shared only between her mother and father.

Another voice sounds from the door. “Sentimental, doll?” Bucky laughs.

Her mother smiles, looking like a love-struck teenager as she faces her husband. “Always when it comes to you.”

Her father places a hand over his heart, winking at the teenager before joining her mother on the bed. “I can’t believe you kept them all.”

“Always and forever,” Her mother murmurs, holding her pinky finger up.

“Always and forever,” Bucky echoes, hooking his pinky around her mother's. “Pinky promise.”

#anthony bridgerton x reader #anthony x reader #anthony bridgerton #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes

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simpsiren · 3 years

Text

the deformed all-rounder;

lee donghyuck x reader

At first glance, you would think that he’s just the class clown. If you’ve never seen him out of class, that would be your only perception of him. But in truth, he’s one of the most well known guys in school. Part of Dream, he’s always the talk of almost everyone’s day— everyday. But not mine. I see nothing more than an arrogant, playful and annoyingly confident guy who wants nothing to do with the rest of the school other than his friends, but girls are constantly falling on their knees for him and I can never understand why. But like any other seemingly perfect student who’s living the life, they were bound to be rough around the edges, some edges digging deeper than others.

genre. angst, fluff, strangers to friend to lovers, an extreme slowburn

warnings. none!

word count. 15.3k~

description. I never wanted to get involved with him. I never liked him from the start. His presence in class has always made my eyes roll due to his nature that I just never seem to be fond of like the rest of the school. Personal problems led us to meeting in detention. But when Haechan could have possibly slipped out something he shouldn’t have, and our instances of meetings got more often, coincidental or not, as much as I couldn’t tolerate that unique nature that sets me into flames of anger, the world has its ways of bringing us together regardless. And my curiosity got me to know that there was much more to him than what meets the eye.

!as they should masterlist!

My eyes stared at my laptop screen, which only showed the five sentences I’ve typed out long minutes ago. My fingers couldn’t bring themselves up to type on the keyboard. Even if it did, it’ll simply hover above them for minutes as my mind remainded blank. I wasn’t able to think of anything to write. How was I able to type those five sentences when I didn’t even have a rough plot to go off by?

I was sitting alone in the quiet morning. I was able to get the keys to unlock the classroom since I’ve always been one of the little few that comes by very early in the morning. Silence made itself comfortable, the sound of the wind softly blowing in from the windows. Nothing came to mind. No ideas, no plot, no inspiration— nothing. Why wasn’t I able to write? I’ve faced such days when my brain would malfunction since I simply wasn’t in the mood. That was the case for most days. Today’s definitely not like that. Today was new. It’s not that I wasn’t in the mood, I just had no motivation. Why’s that? Since I didn’t have an idea. And who did I have to blame that for? No one but myself. And that’s what I didn’t like, not having to know the root cause of my inability to write.

I’ve tried to suppress my frustration, telling myself “It’s fine. Think deeper. You’ll find something to write. Just think.” But that sliver of encouragement was of no use at all as the inner voices of my self-disappointment popping up and attacking my confidence in every corner, and that was all I could think about. I instantly slammed my laptop shut, groaning out loudly and grabbing my hair. I leaned forward, elbows supporting my upper body as I balled fists in my hair. I took deep breaths in an attempt to stay calm. It worked, but I assumed it’ll only be for a short while.

I closed my eyes, thinking of them resting them awhile after being blinded by the screen’s light for almost an hour. Just then, I heard footsteps walking by. Instinctively, I looked up to the windows on the right hand side of the classroom that allowed us to see the hallway. Someone walked past. I couldn’t figure out who it was. It’s a guy. What seemed to be the only thing that stood out in the darkness was his somewhat bright orangey brown hair. Other than that, it was just his dark figure walking past. I glanced down on my phone. I still had thirty minutes till the school turned on the lights. Who is he and what was he doing here so early? From what I know, no one in this building comes to school early other than me.

I let out a sigh, shaking my head. For a moment I thought I had seen a ghost. But, I don’t believe in such things. The possibility was there though. Either way, I slid my laptop back into its leather case and placed it under my table. I waited in silence as I pressed my palm on my cheek, looking out the window. The trees swayed camly in the wind, the sun yet to rise and so the light that shined on the trees and school field gave off a grey hue. The sound of birds chirped softly in the distance. I slowly put my eyes to rest, as well as my brain before I get back to fighting another tiring day of school and making myself suffer even more by coming up with something to write, as well as other stressful things regular students go through.

I snapped back to reality once my classmate strolled in. So the day has started and I wasn’t able to enjoy the peacefulness of the morning any longer. It went by as usual. With the help of my friends making me laugh through each one hour class, I was able to keep myself fully awake. Then came History. The few subjects I liked most, but also hate. It wasn’t the subject’s fault, but the teacher’s. I had a strong dislike towards the way Mister Low taught History. I much rather preferred Miss Jenkins. But she only ever came to class as a relief teacher if Mister Low wasn’t around. To which was why I always prayed that something would happen to him so he wouldn’t have to clock into class. Luck wasn’t on my side today.

I said goodbye to all my other friends, taking my History materials and moving over to the classroom next door since the rest of my friend group took Geography, which I had zero interest in.

Mister Low barely thought us anything today. We were simply only told to write essays as time practice for our exam that wasn’t even coming in months time. I was hungry for content, to learn more about the topic that we were just barely a quater way done with. But he wasn’t giving any of it. I looked at the clock, thirty two more minutes. I glanced at my paper. I was already done with the essays, quickly pushing through it with the mentality of “Just get it done and other with.” That self-made motto was what got me through these three years. I then adverted my attention to Mister Low, who was sitting down at the teacher’s desk and typing away about who knows what, teacher things I guess.

The classroom was silent. And obviously it wasn’t because we were well behaved. I turned around, scanning my eyes over the classroom. Everyone was doing anything else but the task to be completed at hand. Majority were on their phones. They didn’t even bother hiding, their phones all out in the open on the table. Some were even holding their phones high up with their elbows on the table. The rest were either sleeping, drawing, or listening to music on their wireless earpieces.

I puckered my lips. My eyes shot to one person that caught my eye. Lee Donghyuck. Or what everyone else calls him by, Haechan. No one has called him by his real name before. Even the teachers call him Haechan. He was at the back, the farthest row of tables. His bright brown hair stood out to me. Was he the one I saw this morning?

Haechan was talking with some others at the back. They were having their own little group session, only their voices were being heard in the silent classroom as they huddled up. I faced back to the front but immediately turned around and glared when Haechan’s loud laughter spreaded across the room. Why wasn’t anyone bothered by them? How could anyone be fine with the fact that their annoying chatters and laughter constantly disrupted the class’s peace?

“Oi! Mister Low!” Haechan voiced out, making everyone, and I mean everyone, even the ones that are usually in their deepest sleep, turn their heads in sync to face Haechan. Mister Low lifted his eyes off his screen. “Yes?” He questioned with a tilted head. Haechan stood up from his seat and slowly made his way to the teacher’s desk, fingers interlocked behind him as he casually stride down the gap between the row of tables. He bounced on the balls of his feet slightly with each step.

“Can we get released early?” Haechan’s question made everyone turn their heads to each other and exchanged looks. “What is he thinking?” “Will he actually let us go?” “It’s Haechan. Let him do his thing.” Those are what I envisioned the students telepathically saying to each other. I however was shaking my head. There Haechan goes again. Being the all teacher’s pet and horning his ability to take advantage of each one of them, even the most strict ones. Mister Low was on the lenient side, the dumb lenient one to be specific— the pushover teacher.

“No. You still have twenty minutes. What would you guys do then?” Haechan laughed, clapping his hand once and keeping them clasped together in front of his chest. “It’s not like we’re getting off school grounds. Majority of us still have lessons after our late lunch. As you can see, all of us have already completed our essays. So I don’t see why you need to hold us any longer.” Haechan’s voice flowed in a formal and engaging way, just like an orator who can easily grab the interest of his audience. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “I can’t belive he’s actually doing this.” I mumbled to myself.

This proposal was taken into consideration as Mister Low didn’t give a reply, but was looking up elsewhere thoughtfully. After a moment, he sighed in defeat, lazily swirling his hand in the air. “Okay, okay. Go. Put your essays here.” Mister Low called out to everyone.

No one even bothered to greet Mister Low. Or give in their essays. Everyone packed their bags as quickly as ever and ran out, desperate on getting out of this hell-hole of boredom. Haechan muttered a “Thank you, sir.” skipping back to his acquaintances and they all gave him a pat on the back. Mister Low has already exited. And I was the only one left sitting there, frozen in shock. How did he even get Mister Low to agree to that? All he had to say was a few sentences. The amount of persuasion he brought to the table was incredible. But I didn’t like it. He had good speaking skills, that I know. But he’s using it for the wrong reasons.

“Aren’t you leaving?” The familiar confident voice rang in my ear. Just when I was deep in my thoughts, I looked up, seeing Haechan standing in front of me as the rest walked past. This was the first time he’s ever spoken “Yeah.” I whispered. It was also the first time I’ve ever spoken to him. I stood up, blinking twice. I gathered my things and made a run for the door. I would never want to talk to him again. Just from his voice I could tell he was annoyingly confident, a feature that is commonly seen from those popular guys in rom-com movies. He wasn’t a bad boy per say, just... over the top stuck up.

I got back to classroom after walking around school for the rest of the minutes. I didn’t have to do that if Haechan hasn’t released the class early. I had nothing to do. I could just stayed in class if it weren’t for Haechan. “You look dead.” Yiung said, coming up from behind and placing a hand on my shoulder. I dropped down to the floor after placing my materials on the table, covering my head with my arms. I was completely brain drained at that point. “History shot me flat out.” I replied, my voice muffled.

“Are you staying here for lunch again?” I felt a presence beside me. I lifted my head up, seeing Mina squatting down while Yiung had her arms folded. I hummed in response. Mina placed a hand on my back, rubbing it up and down slowly. “It’s okay. I’ll get you gummies to eat during Biology.” Mina reassured me. She stood up and called out to Yiung, the both of them waving at me and sending me mental support as they left.

I was sitting at my study table, completed homework neatly stacked and pushed off to the side. The only thing left in front of me was my laptop, opened and glaring at me with its bright screen despite setting the brightness down to its lowest. My eyes never left the blank screen, an empty white simply looking back at me as it waited to be loaded with words. As much as I tried squeezing out every idea I had, I realised that it was all too boring. Too cliche, too predictable. It wouldn’t stand out like my other works do if I were to publish the piece of writing.

I glanced at the time shown on the bottom right of the screen. 6:05AM. I could get ready and head out now. I did stay up all night, but I took a nap immediately after coming home and ended waking up at eleven. My sleep schedule is all over the place. I lifted myself off my chair, turning my body here and there to stretch out my back and arms, instantly making my way to the bathroom.

I entered the school, greeting the security guard as he handed me the classroom keys. I placed my index finger through the key ring, swirling it around as the keys made its sound while it dangled and moved around. Just when I was about the enter the building to my classroom, I paused in my tracks. A familiar figure stood in front of another security guard. With squinted eyes, I went forward and pushed open the door.

“Hey.” I said, not directing it to a specific person. They didn’t respond and instead kept their stare on each other, which made me look at them weirdly. I shrugged and walked past them, slightly offended with their zero reaction. Due to the silence of the hallways, I was able to hear their conversation clearly, though they kept quiet the moment I came in.

“You aren’t suppose to do that. You’ll be reported to the principal. This is major.” The security guard lectured Haechan. “Honestly, I don’t care. Do what you want. I’ll settle it my own way.” I heard Haechan’s footsteps coming. Fast. He was storming. And in a matter of seconds, he was ahead of me, going a few more classes down, unlocking his classroom and furiously swinging open the door, disappearing out of my sight.

My steps to class got slower, my eyes not wanting to leave the opened door of Haechan’s classroom. Questions began circling in my head. What were they talking about? What is Haechan hiding that he had to keep it a secret from anyone who walked past them? Something major?

I took out my laptop from its leather case, turning it on and heading over to Google Docs. The stress of not having anything written settled in, but it somehow got overpowered by my thoughts and curiosity about Haechan’s situation. It was suspicious. Haechan talked to the security in a completely different manner. He was normally seen as the sun of the school. Bright, cheerful, always happy and living the life. But I felt the coldness of his words. It was so hard-hitting that I could feel it from when I was walking to class.

“Honestly, I don’t care. Do what you want. I’ll settle it my own way.” I shivered, closing my eyes and shaking my head. He was rough and harsh with his words. I was still shocked by it. However, as I looked at my screen again, something clicked in my head. I slowly brought my fingers up to the keyboard, they hovered above them for a moment before I began to type.

Major. Possibility of being reported by the principal. Keys...

I clicked on the period key at least twenty times before finally ending it with a question mark. I exhaled sharply, leaning forward against the table and allowing my elbows to support my upper body as I interlocked my fingers together and allowing my chin to rest on them. Why couldn’t I stop think about it? What was it that struck out so much that I couldn’t shake it off? It wasn’t even my business so why was I eager to find out?

“Wait.” I whispered. I thought about how this gave me the opportunity to come up with something. Thiller, mystery type of story. I’ve never written in that genre before, mostly being romance and fantasy. But Haechan’s suspicions behaviour moments ago peaked my interest. I could write something about that. I’ll use what I heard as guidance. I didn’t have an exact plot. Nor was I fully settled and happy with the idea, but I’d still be able to write the introduction with this mystery.

My fingers began typing away, faster than ever. The satisfaction of hearing the keyboard made its sound while I quickly pressed on each key. I was feeling that adrenaline to complete the introduction before the start of class. Something in me apparently fueled. But it wasn’t my motivation. I was simply typing. I didn’t feel anything. Aren’t writer suppose to be emotionally drawn and attached to their own book? It’s as if I’m writing to simply put words on paper without any other agenda, staying in the stagnant state of nothingness.

Later that day, I was met with the dreadful History class yet again. It’s the only lesson I had this week so might as well “Just get it done and over with.” I mumbled to myself as I made my way to the classroom next door. Everyone was doing their own things. Once again Haechan’s group of acquaintances were at the back chatting as loudly as ever. I call them acquaintances since I’ve only ever seen them hang out with Haechan during History. Other than that, Haechan doesn’t give a damn about anyone, besides the other Dream members.

I rolled my eyes and sat down at my table. Seconds later, Mister Low came in. We greeted him and sat back down. “So class today we’ll be doing another time practice after I go over some key point. I’ll be handing out the essay questions now. You’ll have to complete by the end of class.”

“You can’t be fucking serious.” I growled lowly, watching him handing out the papers to the first row in front. As he headed to my row I couldn’t help but feel the anger rising up in me. We aren’t actually going to be doing this right? When the student in front of me handed me the papers, I took one off the stack and passed it on to the back. My eyes looked down it. In annoyance, I scrunched it up in my hands, now smashing it to a small ball in my palm.

More than half an hour has already passed. He’s taking forever to go through the things that we learned, despite it not being a lot. I furiously pushed myself off my seat, the loud noise getting everyone’s eyes and attention on me. I looked down, teeth gritting as I tried taking in a deep breath before looking back up to Mister Low, who gave me a blank expression as his eyes travelled from the crumpled paper in my hand and back to me.

“I’m not doing this shit. What the hell have you been doing, Mister Low? You are barely giving us any content to learn and study. We’ve been doing time practices for weeks. I get that it’s important, but we aren’t even halfway done with chapter seven. Not to mention that we still have chapters eight, nine and ten to finish by the end of the fucking year!”

I was breathing heavily now. My arms were stiff and my stare on him fired with fury was intense. “Fuck your time practices.” I simply said, not giving a flying care about my consequences at that moment, throwing the crushed up paper past Mister Low and into the dustbin behind him. I ran a hand through my hair, turning around and seeing how everyone had mixed expressions. Shocked, satisfied, scared? Most probably all of the above. Haechan however had the widest smirk on his face. I swung my head back to Mister Low.

“I’m gonna have to give you detention for that, Miss _____.” I scoffed loudly, folding my arms and cocking up a brow, the corner of my lip lifting up ever so slightly to a smirk. “Do it. Give me hours of detention. More of your stupid practices. But you better teach this class something before I report you to the principal about how much you suck.”

Just like it was on cue, the school be rang, signalling that class had ended. I jerked my head slightly at Mister Low as I packed my things, everyone doing the same and rushing out.

“The fuck did you do?!” Lucas sat down beside me at the lunch table. Yiung and Mina were completing homework last minute and being the kind friend, I fed them chips whenever they opened their mouths for it. “You’re so busted.” Mina muttered, shaking her head in disappointment. “I shouldn’t be laughing oh God I’m sorry.” Lucas tried to suppress his laughter but wasn’t able to achieve it for even one second, bursting out laughing so loud. I slammed my hand palm down on the table.

“Someone had to do it! We can’t just be writing essays forever. We needed to learn the content but the idiot refuses to even do it. How’s that being a good teacher?” I angrily spoke, seeing Yiung opening her mouth wide. I shoved a chip in her mouth as she hummed in satisfaction. Lucas glanced down at his phone. “You’ll be getting the notice for detention in nine minutes.”

“Oh by the way...” Lucas started. I turned my head to him while Yiung and Mina still had their heads down, but their ears wide open. “I got some tea on Haechan.” A big mischievous smirk crept up his face, giggling ever so softly. I tilted my head and widened my eyes. Could this be related to what happened this morning? “Spill.” I said in a firm tone. Lucas nodded, leaning in close to me as his shoulders raised up till his ears. “I heard that this morning Haechan was seen with the principal in his office. I’m not sure what it’s about, but it must be serious since no one’s talking about Haechan today.”

Mina gasped loudly and lifted her head up from her worksheet. She pointed her pen to Lucas and nodded her head vigorously with affirmation. “You’re right! The fact that no one had talked about Haechan today weirded me out so much! What I’m most shocked about is that no girls had even approached him today.” Mina whispered, joining in on the conversation as well and leaving her incomplete homework.

I furrowed my eyes. That was indeed weird, and very out of the ordinary. I would always see girls gathered outside of Haechan’s classroom, waiting desperately for him to walk out and chasing him to shower him with gifts and presents. Most girls used that chaotic situation to confess to him, knowing very well that the answer from him would be a flat out “No.” I still don’t know why they even bother despite knowing the outcome. It’s as if every girl in this school has fallen under some kind of spell that make them act like vampires wanting to suck the life out of the unbothered Haechan. It’s ridiculous and immensely dumb. Explains why I don’t have that any other girl friends than Yiung and Mina.

“Is it weird that I want to know what’s going on with him?” I questioned awkwardly. Lucas shrugged. “I guess that’s just your journalist side of you showing.” He simply replied. “Why did you quit writing the school’s newspaper when you are still going to write books? It’s the same thing.” I let out a disappointing sigh. “What you write about is different, Mina. How many times do I have to explain it to you guys.”

Suddenly the cafeteria that was loud and rowdy seconds ago has been put to silence instantly. All of us turned our head to the doors. It swung open, revealing the Dream. The school’s normal reaction would be to swoon over each one of them and having a fangirl session as they across their area. As cliché as that sounds, it is what usually happens. However, as expected due to the new information I acquired from Lucas, no one gave a single reaction to them, Instead, their eyes followed them warily with each step they took. They were quick to grab their food and leave. If the pin drop silence wasn’t enough, the atmosphere changed completely too. It was cold and deadly, as if a serial killer who kept us hostage just came waltzing in.

The moment they left, whispers and murmurs filled the room. The four of us looked back at each other, exchanging unrecognizable looks. “That was...”

“Interesting.”

After lunch, I was notified to head to the detention room once I ended school. I found it unexplainable. I screamed at the teacher and basically called him useless and this is what I get? Just detention? I mean I’m glad I didn’t have to do anything more, but I also thought about just how poorly this school manages its students, settling every problem with clearing up detentions hours. Any student could walk in with an empty mind and come out the exact same. It made no difference.

I stepped in, only one teacher I was unfamiliar with sat at the teacher’s desk. I assumed she was only here for detention since I’ve never seen her around before. And because this was my first time in detention. She didn’t bother looking at me and instantly jerked her head to the tables, urging me to sit. I raised a brow. What else was I going to do?

I picked a seat, fully out of random. “Uh excuse me?” I asked, trying to sound polite as I pulling my chair in. The teacher looked up at me, her eyes narrowed with her eyes furrowed. “What?” She asked back with a rude tone. I arched one of my eyebrows in a questioning look. “Can I use my laptop?”

“Do whatever you want.”

I breathed a quiet laugh and nodded my head. “Well that was easy.” I whispered to myself. I took my laptop out of my bag and turned it on after placing it on the table. While waiting for it to start up and keying in my password, the door opened. I simply thought it was just another student who had detention. However, I could already tell from how their footsteps sounded that it wasn’t just any student.

“Haechan. Nice seeing you here.” I looked up from the keyboard. I noticed how the woman flashed a bright smile as Haechan bowed his head slightly and making his way over to the tables. “I’m only here for an hour, right?” He asked, as if I wasn’t sitting in between their conversation. The woman hummed happily. “Yes, of course. It’s what I can do to repay you for your hard work.”

Haehan chuckled. “I’m glad.” He decided to take the seat next to mine, placing his bag on the chair and sitting down. He then turned to me, having a wide smile till his eyes formed a thin line. “Nice seeing you here. Care telling me how you ended up here?” Haechan questioned me in a playful manner. I took my eyes off him and to my screen, proceeding to head to Google Docs are per usual. I heard Haechan let out an exasperated sigh. “Nice meeting you too.” He muttered.

Only a few minutes of silence have passed and the woman has already left the room since she had “personal matters.” to attend to, which left the room completely unattended and unsupervised. I assumed that she wouldn’t be coming back either. While I was thinking of how to continue my writing, I looked over to Haechan, who’s taking out a very large and full pencil case along with a stack of paper that had a very small grid. It looked like one of those papers that neat girls used for their notes to make it look aesthetic.

He proceeded to open his pencil case and fished out for something. It was a felt tip pen. Or a calligraphy pen. I couldn’t exactly tell. He leaned forward and started writing on the paper. Seconds later, he took out a textbook from his bag. I noticed it was the History textbook.

“What are you doing?” I asked, suddenly getting curious the moment he took out the History textbook. He raised both his eyebrows, staring at me for a moment before lifting the textbook up slightly. “Making notes.” He replied very simply. I peeked over at his table, his other notes were scattered around. I was indeed impressed. “They’re... pretty.” I complimented awkwardly. Haechan chuckled. “Want to buy one?”

“Excuse me?”

“Eight dollars per paper. But the cost vary depending on the topic and subject.”

“What the hell are you saying?”

Haechan turned his body to have me, his arm resting on the back of his chair as he gave me an unimpressed expression. “I’m selling you my notes. What else?” He asked dryly, rolling his eyes and paying his attention back down to his notes. I blinked my eyes twice, trailing them from the notes and back to Haechan. What was he even doing? “You sell your notes...?” I asked softly. Haechan nodded firmly. “Indeed, I do.”

“So do you want one or not?” “No.” I replied quickly, turning back to the front to focus on my writing.

Nothing else could be heard other than the typing of my keyboard, Haechan dropping his many pens on the table constantly as he switched between them every second and Haechan tapping his feet to unrecognizable beats as he listened to music on his Airpods. As I continued on with my writing, I realised that I’ve come to the part where the character had to know the truth about what actually happened, or in this reality, what actually happened to Haechan.

I looked over to him, he was flipping through another textbook now, getting ready to write another set of notes. I reached out, poking him on his shoulder with my index finger. He raised both his brows and took off one side of his Airpods. “Hm?” He asked questionably. “I have to know why you’re here.”

“You mean what got me into detention?” I nodded my head. Haechan took in a deep breath, letting a loud and lazy sigh escape his lips. “Everyone’s curious about that. Not just you. What right do you have to gain special access to know the truth?” I brought my head back, my mouth gaping slightly as my face went blank. That was true. I had no right. Everyone was curious about it too. It may not be seen in the hallways, especially when Haechan walks by. But rumors have been spreading behind closed doors.

“People are talking about you.” Haechan scoffed, leaning back into his chair. “Of course they are. It’s an everyday thing.” I furrowed my brows, surprised at just how delusional he was being. “I meant that people are spreading rumors about you. I get that you’re the it-boy of school or whatever you’d call it. But I don’t think you realise that your reputation is slowly going down the drain.”

I paused for a moment, tilting my head a few angles down as a small smile, which later grew into a more satisfied one as I slowly watched Haechan being thrown off guard by my words. “I also happened to hear you talking with that security guard about the classroom keys.” I was now smirking, my eyes never leaving his. “It’s not even a big deal.” I huffed loudly. “Must be if the principal’s involved.”

Haechan glanced at the door, he was suddenly acting cautious and wary, as if someone would jump out to get him if he didn’t keep his eyes on the door. “They found out that I got stole a spare of classroom keys.” Haechan blurted out. I puckered my lips and nodded, bringing my hands back to the keyboard to record his words. “What the fuck? Are you some reporter?”

“No but I need to type this down. Could say it’s a habit. I used to write the school’s newspaper afterall.” Haechan arched a brow. “So you’re planning to tell this to the newspaper team?” I gave a half-shrug, shaking my head. “I quit two months ago. I thought you knew. It was in the newspaper.”

“I don’t read them.”

“Because you’re sick of seeing your face in it every week?”

“Could say that again.” I chuckled lightly. “I just need it for inspiration on a story I’m writing. Anyways, continue.” Haechan gave me a skeptical look, eyeing me up and down with suspicion before pinching his temples. “I didn’t exactly stole them. I made them.” His words made me widened my eyes. “H-How?” I stuttered, purely curious and somewhat amazed at the same time.

“Chenle brought a 3D printer once. It could copy and make the exact replica of anything. I simply used it to make a spare key just so I can come here whenever I wanted to.” Haechan inhaled quietly. “But they also found out I used that method to gain access to other things... That’s as far as I want say.” For some reason, instead of freaking out, I sat there in silence, staring at him as I couldn’t move an inch. I didn’t know how to react. “That’s... Wow.” No matter how hard I tried to find words to say, those were the only two that came to mind.

“If you use it for other things, why aren’t you getting a more severe punishment? We’re literally just serving detention hours when I thought I’d be doing community service for talking shit about Mister Low.” Haechan chuckled lowly, running a hand through his soft-looking hair. “You nit not worry about that.”

“What do you mean?” I whispered. “Mister Low is about to get fired since the other students in our History class are complaining to other teachers about how you’re right and that he really couldn’t teach. Word gets around in the teachers’ office and so.” Haechan bobbed his shoulders, not needing to complete to full sentence as I already got the memo. “And I have my own ways for settling my problems.” He was saying the same thing he said to the security guard that morning. “How, exactly?”

“The world is tipped in favour of the rich and powerful. Don’t you think?” Haechan smirked widely along with a giggle. “You use money to get what you-”

“Calm down. I was just joking. I wanted to make your story more interesting.” Haechan laughed. He began packing his things up, slinging his bag on one shoulder. “My time here is up so ciao.” Haechan said in an instant, as if wanting to get away as fast as possible while trying to look casual. He walked away, lifting a hand up and waving it while using the other to open the door and left. The room was met with utter silence. “What the hell just happened?”

For the rest of the day I couldn’t help but wonder if his words were true. What else could he have done with 3D printer? What if it was something more than just replicating classroom keys? He said it was just to help with my writing, but what if it was actually true?

I never got Haechan out of my mind as I took reference from the points I’ve taken down while he talked to me for my writing. It helped, nonetheless. I had a flow of a proper plot. However, I was not fully satisfied with it. The way Haechan structured his words were weird, the possibility that there’s more to it got glued to my mind and was the main topic of my thoughts every day.

One afternoon, I chose to stay back at the library to do my assignments. I had the sudden motivation to be productive at school. While making my way there, I passed by a dark corner. I stopped in my tracks and walked back, as for a split second I thought I had seen a shadow of some sort. Indeed, I was right. Two people were standing there to be exact. I was all too familiar with one of their figures, noticing that it was Haechan. The other I assumed to be a regular student. They stood at the furthest end of the dark hallway. Anyone could have walked past and not realise anything. I hid myself behind the wall, my head peeking out just a little that only my eyes could be seen.

“I need more.” I heard the student beg. Haechan folded his arms, weight shifting from one leg to the other. “Can’t do. You’re lucky you bought my notes. It should be enough for the test.” Haechan whispered, leaning in towards him. The student looked down at the plastic bag, eyes staring at it for a moment before slowly trailing them up to meet Haechan’s. The student let out a defeated sigh, holding the bag up in front of him. “Pleasure doing business with you.” He bid Haechan goodbye, shoving one hand into his pocket while letting the bag hang on the index finger of his other hand that fell down to his side. With a leaned back posture, he slowly made his way out of the hallways. With quick and brisk steps, I speed walked forward, turning a corner and hiding there till he walked past.

I decided to stay there, cautious as to whether Haechan was about to walk past as well. However, I heard his footsteps, but they weren’t coming to my direction. I peeked my head out of the corner once again, this time a little further with confidence of him not coming my way. Haechan was walking towards the opposite direction. I wasn’t sure what drew me into doing so, but I decided to follow him. Where I ended up was seemingly unexpected.

I was steps away from the door. Tilting my head upwards, I was met with the sign above the door. Music room. I’ve only been here once, to interview the student that was about to perform solo for a concert we had last year to showcase the performing art curriculum. I slowly made my way to the door, the window giving me a clear view of the room. I looked in, seeing Haechan sitting by the piano. His fingers hovered above the keys, just like how mine would float above the keyboard when I had no idea what letter to press. I couldn’t see his face due to his hair that covered till his eyes.

Either way, I gulped and placed my hand on the handle, pushing it down and going in while clearing my throat. Haechan shot his head up from the piano and to me with a blank expression. I quickly closed the door behind me and awkwardly placed the hand behind my head. “Hey. It’s our second time meeting.” Haechan greeted, letting his forearm rest on edge of the fall board, leaning his upper body. I hummed as I slowly sidled my way up to him. “It is.” I simply said.

“So why are you here? Did you follow me?” Haechan asked, tone filled to the brim with suspicion as he squinted his eyes on me. I opened my mouth, but words couldn’t come out. I wasn’t able to speak as I tried to come up with an excuse. “I- Uh was headed to the library when I walked past and saw you in here.”

“So? You have no reason to want to come in here.” Haechan replied dryly. I mentally rolled my eyes. I felt as if I couldn’t keep up a conversation with him without wanting to burst due to his rudeness. He had no reason to be this cold towards me. Does he always have to be like this?

“The libraries in the opposite block. Our classrooms aren’t even here.” Haechan breathed out, eyes scanning across the keys of the piano before shooting up to me. “What’s your actual reason coming here?” Haechan’s voice grew lower with each word till it became a faint whisper. His eyes were piercing into me deadly, as if I was meeting the grim reaper that’s about to take my soul. Once again I tried to speak but I couldn’t. Even if I did, I would be slurring through my words as I didn’t know myself why I chose to follow him here.

“I... I want to know more about you.” I blurted out. I wanted to give myself a smack in the head. I sounded too weird, like a stalker. I had millions of other ways to phrase that but I chose to be too straightforward. Haechan jerked his head, hissing when he puffed his chest up as he inhaled. “Do you like me?”

“What? No. Why would you even-” “You wouldn’t have followed me all the way here if you weren’t interested. This is the first time I’ve seen you having the urge to talk to me.” Haechan cocked an eyebrow in my direction, to which I responded with a loud huff of amusement. “My intention was to know what else you are doing with that 3D printer of yours for my story.” I stated, matter-of-factly. I ran a frustrated hand through my hair.

“You’re a writer. Aren’t you suppose to be creative?” I took a deep breath. Breathe, just breathe. I was actually about to explode like a volcano that was about to erupt at any second. Why did he have to be so hard to talk to? On instinct, I slammed my hand on the keyboard, the loud sound coming from the keys I pressed down pierced through my eardrums. “Listen. It’s getting really fucking annoying to talk to you. Answer my questions, and I won’t needing to see you again.”

Haechan had zero reaction to my words. It’s like he had a bullet proof screen in between us as I fired my words in anger. “Incorrect. We have another session of detention on Wednesday. Three hours to clear, and it’s just the two of us. Sounds fun, don’t you think?” My blood was boiling. With each second that passed, I bit my lower lip as I tried hard to not slap his face. “I highly doubt you’ll be a good enough student to attend anyways. Besides the damn point, just tell me what you’ve been doing with the printer.”

“You know some things should be kept private. Like I said before, you have no right to force it out of me.”

“But you were willing and gave me some information at that time.” I could tell in Haechan’s eyes that he was taken off guard, but he was able to skillfully bounced back. “Because I was kind enough to wanna help you with your writing.” At this point, we were constantly firing words at each in a matter of seconds. It was like a war zone, keeping our eye contact and never breaking it once, our voices growing higher with each comeback.

“You know what? Fuck it. I’ll find out myself. Since you’re unwilling to tell me anything at all, it must mean that you have something going on. I’ve already been suspicious of you from the start.” I stormed my way to the door. Forcefully grabbing onto the handle, I turned around sharply as I muttered a “Watch out.” before walking out and slamming the door shut. I needed to put the story on hold. I won’t give up till I find out what Haechan’s onto. I had to know, I just had to. To satisfy myself with solving a mystery that I unconsciously got myself into.

The very next day, I chose to get to school earlier than I normally would. If I wanted to discover what Haechan was doing, I had to be ahead of him. This was just the start.

When I reached my classroom, I looked down the hallway., my eyes slowly looking up to the sign of Haechan’s class and back down. Absentmindedly, I took small and wary steps, walking up to his class. I glued myself to the walls when I got there. My mind slowly began to wonder why was I even digging deeper into this trivial matter that wasn’t even any of business. Perhaps it was due to me not being able to complete the story myself, losing all my creativity in one go and I have yet to know why. Or was it perhaps because I was curious as to who Haechan was? I’ve only see Haechan as someone perfect to the eyes of society. It was only natural for him to not be perfect behind the shadows. Perhaps I wanted to know that he was human as well.

I peeked my head ever so slightly, just a few centimeters. I was quite shocked to see Haechan there, sitting at the back of the class. Just how early does this guy come to school? And for what? I saw another unfamiliar person stood next to him, hand on the edge of the table as he leaned forward. What I found to be the most weird and out of the ordinary was the fact that there was some kind of light being illuminated on the table. Due to the guy who was standing up, I couldn’t tell where the light came from. The dark classroom made this look a hundred time more eerie than I expected it to be.

“We need to do this quick.” I heard Haechan’s mutter. He was attempting to keep his voice down. He looked extremely cautious ad he kept looking out the window. I had to pull my head away and rely on my ears for information. He was too skeptical of his surroundings. “Chill. It’ll be done in ten minutes. You know how fast this baby works. When are you going to do it?” The other male spoke in a normal voice, which make Haechan groan and let out a loud “Shh.”

“Keep your fucking voice down. No one should be hearing about this. Especially her.” I heard the male scoff. “Ah that girl...” Was the last I’ve heard. I slowly peeked my head out once again. “Maybe after detention on Wednesday. I don’t know.”

“Well you better be quick.”

They were both looking at whatever was on the table. It was dark but the light coming form it didn’t help me recognise it at all. From what I could infer, it was probably a machine of some sorr, from the way the other male called it “baby”. Was it the 3D printer? I had no solid evidence that it was. What was Haechan going to do? I was indeed clueless. But was Haechan referring to me?

Throughout the school day, I had my eyes on Haechan the whole time, watching his every move. Where he went, what he did, who he talked to. I was all eyes and ears on him. He didn’t seem to be doing anything weird. And the school was back to normal too. Girls were back to screaming his name wherever he showed up, he was back to being the all-rounder student he was. I still doubt he was an all-rounder at all. Maybe a deformed one. A deformed all-rounder. Well, that was new.

“Sorry guys but I have to stay a little while to spy on Haechan. Head home without me.” I said to the gang as we walked down the hall, on our way to the main gates. Lucas stopped, making Yiung and Mina do the same. “If you get more information, you should tell it to the school’s press. Who knows? Your story on Haechan could be a hit.”

I thought about it for a second. And for awhile I was starting to consider. I could simply put the author and Haechan as anonymous. It’ll send the school to an uproar, desperately wanting to know the identities of the people involved. On top of that, I missed the feeling of investigating and trying to gather information. It was something I did often as a writer for the newspaper. It felt good to have that surge of constant curiosity as more factors come to play the more you find out, and more questions that had to be solved slither out.

“I actually might consider it.” I said, the side of my lip rising just a little. I sent them off to the main gate and waved them goodbye. One thing I instantly realised was that I completely missed Haechan. I forgot to keep track of him and now I didn’t know where he was. I groaned silently as headed back in school. The first place I checked was his classroom. Of course he wasn’t there. Lights turned off, door and windows locked. Not a single person on sight.

The next place I checked was the music room. Lord and behold, he was there. Again sitting by the piano. This time, he was scribbling onto what I assumed was a music sheet. He was doing it in a rather furious matter, which got me worried for second. Suddenly, Haechan threw the pencil on the floor, screaming at the top of his lungs and slamming his head on the piano. Out of pure shock and instinct, I opened the door and ran up to him.

“Are you okay?! Why the hell you do that?!” I sat down the the empty space beside him and held onto his cheeks to lif his face up. His eyes fluttered open slowly, my hands feeling the warmth of his cheeks. “And what are you doing here again?” He said in a tired and hoarse voice. His eyes trailed downwards to my hands. For some reason, I didn’t let go. My hands were still against his skin which felt extremely soft. Something about this made my heart skip a beat. Why was I feeling this way? That for a split second my hands cupped his face perfectly, like were meant to be there.

“Having fun keeping your hands there?” Haechan broke me out of my thoughts with his words. I quickly pulled away, rubbing my palms on my shirt awkwardly. “You seem to always show up and meeting me here.” I gulped, avoiding eye contact as I tried to look everywhere else but him. “You seemed to be stress.” I said, making a poor attempt at changing the topic. I could tell from his soft and short breath of laughter that he knew what I was doing, but decided to go along with it mumbling a, “Yeah. I was.”

“With what?” Haechan didn’t give an answer. He blankly stared down to his lap before smacking his lips and jerking his head up to the music sheet thatw as propped up. “Just like how you write stories. I write songs. And just like you, my brain does not want to function at all to come up with something.” Haechan sighed ever so softly.

Silence settled in the space between us. We were simply there, not a word exchanged as I let his sink in. Were we the same? Though I find that hard to believe, I felt it. His struggle. I could feel it from outside the room moments ago. Haechan slowly brought his fingers up to the piano. Starting to press a key, he began to play.

Though I wasn’t a piano player or an expert in any way, it didn’t take me long to realise that he wasn’t comfortable sitting on this very piano, like how his fingers weren’t meant to make contact with the surface of the white, lagging and messing up a few notes that made whatever he played sound improper. He was out of place. Yet, the produced a beautiful twenty or so seconds of music. Despite the slip-ups, it sounded amazing. But he wasn’t playing with feeling. He was emotionless, stagnant.

“That’s all I have.” Haechan chuckled weakly. I frowned. “It sounded fine.” I whispered softly, eyes not leaving his fingers that rest itself on the keys. “Fine, but not great. Not meaningful. I didn’t feel anything while playing that. And that’s the worst part of it.” Haechan was biting his lower lip. His eyes were being welled up with tears. He quickly wiped them away.

“Don’t cry. I’m not the type that knows how to comfort people.” I laughed softly, trying to joke around to lighten the mood. Haechan responded with a small laugh, making me smile with sincerity. “It’s fine.” He simply said.

“I get what you mean. I’ve been feeling that too. Got the general idea but never know where to go from there. The creativity’s run out and I’m left with nothing. I’ve lost the urge to do what I love most.” I fiddled with my fingers on my lap, head tilted down. The room got quiet instantly. We were just sitting there in silence, deep in thought as we let ourselves sink into our complicated yet somehow similar situations.

How did I even up here? Sitting down and having a deep conversation with Haechan. Why was I feeling the connection with him? The connection of similarity as we felt each other’s pain. How did it only take one observation of Hechan playing for me to see the emptiness and hole that dug around him? I came here wanting to know his hidden secrets, digging into his weird behaviour beyond the light that he always stood in. But I guess there were aspects of him that were more hidden, and he chose to show this side to me.

It’s funny how we opened up to each other, not knowing each other at all. We were practically strangers. People that we only see as we walked by very occasionally. We weren’t someone that would be engraved in our minds the moment we saw each other. But it probably gave us a sense of escape, thinking that it was better for us to open up to someone who barely knew us so they wouldn’t judge who we were. I guess that was more coherent for Haechan.

Our class was the first few to arrive at the cafeteria since our English teacher is one of the very few that releases us on time. I decided not to have lunch since I didn’t feel like eating. Or maybe I was but too lazy to get any food. Only a few hours of school have passed and I was already walking like a dying corpse on my way here. I looked down and used my phone, continuing the read the online book I just purchased recently.

Suddenly, a bunch of high pitched wailing and shouting was heard. I tilted my head up and followed the noise. I expected it. Haechan, walking into the cafeteria, confident as ever, owning it all. He had such a bright smile. It’s as if the deep and lost Haechan I saw just yesterday disappeared entirely, a simple ‘poof’ and it’s gone by the wind. He waved to his other friends at the table which was just a few tables apart of ours with excitement, walking with long strides. I couldn’t believe just how thick Haechan’s mask was. After seeing him yesterday, I couldn’t help but wonder so long how those two completely different sides of him become one in his being. It was hard to picture. It was such a drastic difference that it became too hard to visualise it in my head.

“Look at Jaemin being all flirty with her.” Mina came up from behind and gagged as she jerked her chin to the direction I was looking at. However, I adverted my focus from Haechan to Jaemin. A girl was standing very closely behind Jaemin, occasionally trailing her fingers in a teasing manner down his shoulders. Jaemin bobbed his shoulders, shooting a glare that luckily she didn’t notice. However, he turned around and quickly flashed a soft smile to cover up his annoyance towards her. His action made me laugh and chuckle softly. “I don’t think he’s enjoying it.”

“Just how can he look so normal after what he did? I still can’t believe it.”

“What are you talking about?”

I grew silent, not wanting to explain the situation I had with Jaemin. It was a far distant memory which should be kept out of my mind and away from me, something I wouldn’t have the courage to face. I was over it, but I’d never want to encounter it again. It’ll send me down the loophole again, and that is something I’d much prefer not to remember and go through again.

Lucas raised a brow. “Hello?” He asked, trying to get our attention. Mina cleared her throat after swallowing her bite of food. “Ah you weren’t here when it happened. It’s fine. We shouldn’t be talking about it.”

“It’s a story for another time.” I lied, blurting it out.

I looked down to my phone once again as the our table grew quiet and ate in peace. As if thrown an asteroid was thrown from space, an object went flying to the side of my head, hitting it hard. It didn’t hurt that much, but it was so sudden that I couldn’t help but wince from the attack. “What the hell was that?!” I half-shouted, my brows furrowed with confusion, scrunching up my face as I picked up the object that landed beside me.

Everyone had their heads up and towards me with looks of concern. “Are you okay?! What hit you?” Yiung brought her hand up to caress my head softly where it hit. I brought the object up to my face. “Pack of grapes...?” I whispered, blinking my eyes rapidly. I scanned my eyes around the area near me, wanting to know who threw it at me. Oddly enough, Haechan had his head poking out from the table. He was looking at me, and urging me to look at the grapes. I shot him a weird look and trailed my eyes down to the grapes. It had a note.

“Why aren’t you eating? You still have detention later. See you soon.” I read the small note that was taped to the plastic wrapper to myself, mumbling. I lifted my head up to Haechan, noticing that he was already back to talking to his friends happily, laughing away. “Who threw you that?” Mina asked. I stared at the note for a moment, reading over his words and imagining his voice. I shake my head and looked back to Mina. “Must be a secret admirer.” I joked. They didn’t have a big reaction to this and continued with what they were doing with a shrug. I didn’t want them to know that I was getting close to Haechan.

Either way, getting free snacks was always a bonus. I didn’t hesistate to open the wrapper and plopped a grape into my mouth. Throughout the rest of lunch while shoving a grape into my mouth immediately each time I swallowed one, my eyes were glued to Haechan. Though he wasn’t fully visible due to his other friends crowding around him, it was as if he’s the only one in my view, with everyone else fading away.

I hadn’t forgotten my agenda. I still had to know more about Haechan’s secret that was about to unfold after I remembered that he was going to do something after detention later. If it’s going go help me write my story, I’d want to know as much as possible.

I made my way to the detention room, lazily opening the door. Haechan was seating somewhere near the back, deeply concentrated with writing something and wearing his Airpods. I looked over to the woman who laid back in her seat as she played with her phone. I nodded my head as I took in the situation, walking up to sit beside Haechan.

“What are you doing?” I asked Haechan while sliding the straps of my bag off my shoulders and putting it on my lap, only to find Haechan not hearing me at all as he continuously nodded his head to whatever song he was playing. I reached out to poke him on the shoulder with my index finger, making him flinch at the sudden action and removing one side of his Airpods immediately. He leaned back as he realised that he was looking at me. “Oh you’re here.” Haechan smiled softly, proceeding to continue writing. I moved my head a little to notice that he was writing notes again.

“Selling more notes? What are you, an illegal business?” Haechan responsed with a chuckle, placing his pen down and facing his body to me. “Perhaps I am. It’s not like I can get caught though.” He shrugged and placed a fist to his cheek, resting his head against it and leaning sideways. “But what did you get caught for?” I copied his posture, sending him a cheeky smile.

Haechan scoffed and shake his head. “Can’t say. How many times do I need to drum it in your head?” Haechan threw a sharp glare my way, exasperated. “If you don’t tell me, at least help me with my story.” I said, unintentionally sounding desperate as a slight tone of begging shined through my words.

“You really have lost your creative touch, huh?” Haechan faked his amusement. He already knew that from the time we were in the music room. “And you can’t write your songs either. So you’ve lost it as well.” I smiled grew bigger and more mischievous, giggling ever so softly. “If you want, maybe you can use the 3D printer to print a world of your imagination. And when you finish making it, it becomes a real place for you to go and release yourself from reality.” Affer unlocking my laptop and waiting for it to start up, I looked to him after he said that, but his eyes and hands were concentrated on making his notes.

“Is it because that’s what you want to do?” I asked softly, opening up Google Docs and seeing my long paragraphs of nothingness. It meant nothing. They were simply words to be displayed on the screen. I read it over while I waited for Haechan’s answer. It was bland, nothing like the ones that I wrote with much enthusiasm and drive. It disappointed me how I could stoop this low to such a level, to the point where I was slowly loosing interest in what kept up my sanity all these years.

“Shouldn’t you be asking yourself that?” Haechan stared into my eyes, pausing for a moment. “It’s your book that you’re writing. You need to make it personal somehow. You can’t always be relying on me as your direct source of idea.” I thought about it, long and hard, his words resonating in my head again and again as I tried to force myself to think deeper. “What if I can’t make it personal? What if I don’t know what’s personal to me, I don’t know who I am...” My two fingers played with the touch pad of my laptop, scrolling up and down mindlessly.

“Use my idea as inspiration. What can happen when you build and enter that fantasy world made by a 3D printer?”

“The entrance collapses and I get trapped there forever.” Haechan smiled. It was a small, almost transparent, but sincere smile, painted on his face. “There you go. You have a conflict to write about now.” I instantly typed down the information in point form so that I could elaborate on it. As much as I got the energy and adrenaline to start writing now, I wanted to focus on another matter. For some reason, I just wanted to know.

“How’s your song doing?” He avoided my eyes, licking his lips, seeming to be deep in thought, trying to construct a sentence. “I’m thinking of abandoning it to be honest.” Haechan said in a nonchalant manner. He can’t actually not be bothered by it. I saw it. His frustration, stress, the negative energy that centered around him in the music too. He can’t actually want to do that.

“But it sounded good.”

“I just need a fresh start. Who knows, I might come up with something better... Hopefully.” He dragged on the last part slightly, the tint of of doubt flowed through his unstable voice. He sighed loudly, pressing his fingers on both sides of his temples. “I’d ask for your help, but I’m guessing you aren’t exactly creative in this art form.” I nodded my head agreeably, though I felt the embarrassment.

“We’re going to be stuck here for a long time.” I said with a bored sigh, dragging on the word ‘long’ for emphasis. Haechan laughed at my statement. “I don’t think we’d have to stay here long.” I turned my head to him, an eyebrow arched. “Why’s that?”

Haechan pulled his chair close to mine and leaned in, close to my face. “We’ll get to go out once something to do. Which is what happens every day.”

Though I was listening, I couldn’t help but notice just how close Haechan was to my face. Too close, than a normal person would when wanting to whisper something. My heart began to race and my breath hitched in my throat. I looked at his eyes, ones that had so much emotions and feelings that can never be expressed, helplessly trapped, then to this nose, and finally his lips, soft and lushes, one that’s disconnected to his brain, inability to say what he thinks and needing to think twice to protect his reputation. Yet, it was all perfectly structured, carefully and beautifully, no matter how much he might be going through. I never realised how good looking he was till now. And it felt like a huge crime seeing it now.

“Are you hearing me?” Haechan whispered. I lifted my gaze from his lips and back up to his eyes. But it was now he who had his eyes down. I followed them, and they were on my lips. “Y-Yeah. I was.” Haechan instantly pulled away after a moment, chuckling awkwardly or shyly as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “I don’t get the use of detention. It’s not going to change us, no matter how long we stay here for.”

“This school really doesn’t manage us properly yet our reputation is still high on the list.”

“Maybe it’s because of you and your friends.” I said, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. “Is a school’s reputation depended heavily on the looks of students?” Haechan scoffed, huffing as he ran a hand through his hair. “That’s shallow.”

“It’s the world we live in.” I simply stated.

“Oh, she left.” Haechan turned his head, and I followed along. The woman have left the room. I was shocked at the fact that we didn’t even notice. Haechan and I turned our heads to each other in unison, laughing. “Looks like we have the place to ourselves.”

Though you would think that we’d be going crazy and having a party of two while blasting music through the room’s speakers, the room was quiet. Haechan was silently listening to music while doing his notes and I typed away on my laptop, the satisfaction of the sound being produced at a fast rate. I wore my headphones too. I jumped and turned when I felt a tap on my arm.

“Hm?” I asked, taking off one side. “Should we just go?”

I paused for a moment with hesitation and contemplation, but it didn’t take long for me to blurt out, “Let’s please do so.”

We ended up going to the cafeteria. Haechan offered to buy me whatever snack I wanted. Was it bad to say that I am surprised at his generosity? It was weird in a way, I never thought of him as someone like he is now. If I could describe Haechan, he was like a book. One with a cover that was plain, unoriginal, stereotypical. You’d read the synopsis and think “The story plot is too expected.” But it’s not. The plot, characters and words change entirely, opening the reader to a whole new world that was definitely outside the box. And the more time I spent with Haechan, the more pages I flipped and read, new words and phrases pop up every which way. He slowly opened up, showing me that there was more to his all-rounded nature that he held.

“Why are we here at the garden when we can go in the library? I’m desperate for the air condition.” I walked beside Haechan and pointed to the library just a few steps away from the small garden we were headed. Haechan skipped his way down the pathway to the one bench table that was surrounded by plants and flowers.

“I like it here. Being surrounded by books can drive me insane.” I laughed at his comment, sitting down on the opposite end. I placed the snacks on the table, Haechan doing the same as we opened our snacks and took a bite in silence. “We should do this more often.”

“Do what?”

“This. Impromptu hangouts. It’s... fun, refreshing.” Haechan whispered, looking up and sighing softly with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes, locking them with mine as I hummed in response, still chewing. “Refreshing.” I repeated back to myself, nodding my head. “Actually... I have an idea. A present, if you will.” I took out my notebook from my bag, flipping through a few pages till I reached the page where it had notes. I placed it on the table and pushed it forward.

“In a way it’s a thank you gift. For helping me write again. You didn’t even say much but it made me think and turn my gears.” Haechan brought his head close to the notebook, his eyes scanning very slowly over each line. Haechan looked up, mouth opened but I decided to continue before he could say anything.

“At first my words were meaningless. The story was leading to nowhere and I had no idea where I was going, no road, no guidance. But you unintentionally, but also intentionally later on gave me ideas. A shoulder I could lean on, something I could depend on. I don’t think I have the need to dive in deeper into whatever shit you’re doing. I’ll respect the fact that you don’t want to share.”

“These are song lyrics...” Haechan whispered, holding to the edge of the page with his index and middle finger. He was completely silent and frozen, as if my words had hit him right in the heart like an arrow. “They’re... so me.” He said simply, a short chuckle leaving his lips.

“I noticed a few things about you. One, you really aren’t like what you seem to be. Living the perfect life with friends, grades, popularity. Everyone would think you had it all. I, however, started viewing you from a different angle, a new perspective. I didn’t even have to know what you hide to know that you’re transparent.”

“It shocked me, really. It sounds cliché, I know. But you are the one that has a cliché life.” Haechan and I laughed. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to. It’s a trade. You to me, and me to you.” Haechan’s eyes lifted off the paper. We didn’t say a word. Instead, we let our eyes do the talking, the most bare and deepest sense on our expression. “Eyes are the gateway to your soul.” I really felt it. He was stripping me bare with his stare. Nothing was left to hide between us. And this all happened in the span of just a few weeks.

Time flew by in a blur. The thought of Haechan’s mystery that I delved so deep into became a distant memory. I never really got to know the truth. Maybe I was being too skeptical about it and perhaps it was just a simple matter that Haechan could not share. We went along with the pact of going on impromptu outings. One of us would text the other during the last period and go out immediately after school just to hang out and have each other’s presence to admire. We’d never talk in school. We wouldn’t greet each other if we walked by in the hallways. Our lives were completely separated in the school’s setting, as if we’ve never made a single contact, like our lives had never crossed paths. In simple words, strangers.

Today’s outing was at a cafe. We decided that this week, we’d travel around the city and go cafe hopping, visiting a new cafe and try out places we have never went to. I was utterly shocked when I found out that Haechan had never visited the cafe that I was extremely obsessed with. Despite the place being on the other end of town, the drinks and desserts are worth the trip.

“What would you recommend?” Haechan asked, the two of us looking at the menu above the counter while we sat down on the table. “I love their red velvet cheesecake. Oh! And caramel frappé.” I said with a happy giggle, tapping my feet in excitement as I already envision the delicious dessert on the table in front of me.

“You love cheesecakes that much?” Haechan gave an amused laugh. I nodded with a gleeful hum. “It’s my all time favourite dessert!” Haechan glanced down and shook his head, a smile shying through. “Get something else while I try the cheesecake. We need the variety.” Haechan pressed his fingers together as if pinching something, puckering his lips as he mimicked the popular meme. I bursted out laughing at his weird act. “Alright, alright. I’ll get the chocolate soufflé.”

I brought out my wallet from my pocket. Before I could even slide a note out, Haechan gripped my wrist and closed my wallet shut. He didn’t need to say a word, holding up his own wallet and jerking his head to it before turning around to walk away. I sighed, a slight frown forming on my lips. He’s always been paying. It always made me feel bad. I’d be at the edge on loosing all my money yet I’d still have that urge to pay.

Haechan was waiting by the counter for the food. He turned around. I abruptly locked my eyes with his, absentmindedly not realising that I had my eyes on his back the whole time. Haechan threw me weird and goofy faces to my way, quietly laughing while his shoulders bobbed. I shook my head, once again getting second hand embarrassment. Though it wasn’t a bad thing at all. It brought me joy from his weirdness and humour.

Minutes later he came back, carrying two plates and going back to grab the drinks. He sat down after and clapped his hand once, looking down at the food as his mouth shaped an ‘O’ at the sight.

We ate, chat and laughed. There wasn’t a moment of silence. Our conversation flowed as smoothly as the waves on a peaceful day at the seashores. We’d be able to change topics so quickly that we didn’t even know how we ended up talking about roller coasters at amusement parks.

“Should we go anywhere else?” I questioned. Haechan raised both his brows and leaned forward. “Anything you want.”

The two of us looked up at the sky, painted with shades and tones from red to yellow and hints of purple shining through. The beautiful sunset that we caught today was certainly lucky. It’s not everyday a sunset can look this incredible and perfect to the eye. It was one of those moments when you just needed to silently bask in the sight, embracing the comfort it brings you before the sun fully sets and the night starts to settle in.

I heard the sound of grass moving. I took my attention off the sky and to Haechan, who had his phone out and going to his camera. He snapped a picture, taking the time to position his phone and making sure it captured the whole scenery. He turned to me, a smile plastered on his face. “Moments like these should be permanent.”

I turned back to the sky, my chin lifted up and I took in a deep breath, eyes closed, taking in every ounce of calmness and relaxation. I suddenly heard the sound of Haechan’s phone, signalling that he took a picture. I fluttered my eyes open, looking over to Haechan who had his phone faced to me.

“You are something that should be permanent too.”

As days inched closer and closer to exam week, Haechan and I started meeting less and less, which was to be expected. I was holed up in my room, getting on my study table immediately coming home after showering and having a light snack, not having a break till it was time to sleep.

The stress settled in, and I had to put off my writings. I wasn’t a genius who could multitask to such extremes. I’d eventually go insane. Though I already am with the amount of content I had to fit in my brain.

Knocking down one day at a time, exam after exam, we finally ended the week. It feels the same with every end of the year exams. You’re just stuck in that loop of studying and screwing your heads into textbook and notes. But once it’s all over, you go into complete shut down mode and your brain will grow rusty and not as functional and efficient over the holidays. And the cycle repeats once you start the new school year.

Funny enough, Haechan and I stopped going out together. You’d expect us to meet all the time due to the free time we’d have during the holidays. But for some reason we jusy didn’t contact each other. Maybe we were too concentrated with our studies that not having Haechan by my side became something neutral. I didn’t feel anything about it. It is what it is. We drifted apart, with no reason whatsoever.

I was laying down on my bed, thumb tapping on the screen at a fast rate as I skipped through everyone’s stories on Instagram. However, I immediately stopped when I got to Haechan’s stories. My thumb was pressed hard on the screen as I saw Haechan’s face. He was out with his friends, seemed to be like a party. I chuckled to myself in amusement.

Was Haechan just my dream? Just a short period of filled happiness that wouldn’t stay with me for long? Was he temporary? The moments I’ve spent with him flashed by me like a movie tape that lasted in a second. I overlooked at myself, my situation. I was helplessly staying at home. Being the homebody I am, I never really go out unless someone invited me to. Haechan’s out living his life, back to being the all-rounder, as if I’ve never been in his picture ever.

Months passed since school has started, and we never made contact since. We wouldn’t even smile to each other in the hallways. We were invisible to each other. We were back to simply being strangers. We were never in each other’s lives. We have never opened our hearts to each other. It felt like none of that happened, like none of it was even real.

The bridge made by Haechan that helped me to get back on track in my writing was still there, but the work he did to build it felt like nothing. Just like how no one remembers the fact that it was the workers that worked hard to build and construct the bridge. It just never came to mind anymore.

I just got home. Making my way to my bedroom and tossing my bag at the study table, plopping onto my bed and sinking my body into the soft sheets. I turned around, back on the bed as I took out my phone. The first notification I saw was a text from Haechan.

I instantly sat up from my laying posture, eyes narrowing to his name showing up on my lockscreen. I had to unlock my phone to see the message. I was blankly staring at it. Why did I suddenly feel nervous? I opened my phone, which immediately brought me to iMessage.

Haechan: if you’re free, text me and head to the Winstar park

I tilted my head at this. I gulped, bringing my thumbs up to the screen. However, it was hovering over the key pad, not sure of what to type. I realised that I was being too cautious as if I needed to make a good impression through the text, when all I had to do was type a simple, “Sure. Meet you in an hour.” I exhaled sharply and got off my bed. I tossed my phone on the bed and started to get ready to head out.

While I stared out to the window on the bus, the city came to view. High skyscrapers, high end shops and buildings, bustling and busy as ever. But the bus drove past it. Immediately the scenery changed. It was quiet, not a lot of people to be seen. Only the sound of leaves and branches swaying in the calm wind.

Perhaps that’s why Haechan and I liked the park so much. The silence it held gave us a moment of distraction out of our lives filled with much complexity and complication. Our time together wasn’t energy draining. We had each other to thank for that, but it was also the absence of the fast moving pace of the world that gave us a time of rest, peace. Even if it was for a short period of time, the feeling is still there, though it’s being suppressed by other by our realities.

I came walking through the park’s entrance. My legs walked me to where Haechan and I used to sit when we last came here. I didn’t even have to think for my body to be drawn to him. His back came to view. He wore a black leather jacket and jeans. His brown hair glowing under the sunlight.

On one end, I felt the need to just run up and embrace him fully. It felt like a calling, a sudden need. However, I also felt hesitant to even take one step closer. What if we weren’t as close as we used to be? What if the Haechan I knew isn’t in front of my eyes right now? Anything can happen within the span of months. People change.

That dilemma and contemplation made me stand in my spot for far too long. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Haechan as my gears began to turn, more doubts floating up from the depths of my overthinking. What I didn’t notice till now was the fact that he had a guitar case beside him.

I shut my eyes for a moment, hands clenched tightly by my sides as my chest puffed up while taking a deep silent breath. Just do it.

I tapped Haechan on the shoulder lightly, making him jump and turn around. “You took forever.” He said, flashing a smile. At least that didn’t change. It still sent butterflies fluttering in my stomach like it did last time. It made my heart ache in the best ways possible.

One look in his eyes and a whole tsunami of our memories came crashing and attacking my mind and heart. It flashed through my eyes. Every little moment, though it may seem meaningless to some, was what made my whole relationship with Haechan gain its meaning.

“Sorry about that.” I simply said. He placed the guitar case on his lap, motioning with his free hand to take the empty space next to him. I sat down, the two of us met with comfortable silence for about a minute.

“How was your exams?” I asked, not being able to handle the fact that we weren’t talking. “Great. Except for Chemistry. I can never do it.” He chuckled, shaking his head while smiling to himself on the floor. “Could’ve asked me. I aced it.” I bragged, flipping my hair with much sarcasm which made him arch a brow. “I could have. But I didn’t want to bother you.”

“At that period of time, I wished you had bothered me.” I bit my bottom lip. His eyes narrowed down on me. “Really, now?”

Haechan’s phone suddenly dinged. He took it out of his pocket. With one glance he scoffed loudly and shoved it back in. I gave him a weird look. “Just another girl texting me. It’s the fifteenth this week. I’m lazy to delete their messages.” Haechan shrugged lightly.

“Anyways, I asked you to come here for a reason.”

“You never did anything without a reason.”

“But you do. Always showing up coincidentally at where I’m at.”

“That was last year. Stop talking about it.” I punched Haechan lightly on his arm as the two of us giggled in unison. I missed this. Why did I have anything to fear? It felt as if we’ve met up just yesterday.

“You’re going to be the first person who hear this. And for your information, you should be thankful. When an artist plays their song for the first person to hear, it means that they value them a lot.” Haechan whispered after his laughter died down. Slowly, he took out his guitar from its case. He placed it on his lap. It fits and settled right on his lap perfectly.

I pressed my hands on my thighs as I waited for him to adjust a few things on his guitar. Looking up, I noticed the shades of orange and yellow coming into view. The sunset, again, was just as beautiful as last time we were here. It really did feel like nothing has changed, as if that very day had repeated itself and teleported me to this very moment.

I heard Haechan strumming the guitar once, making me turn to him instantly. He took in a deep breath, eyes closing for a moment for looking down on the guitar and placing his fingers on the right strings.

He began to play. The strum pattern was simple yet calming. Then came in his voice. True enough, I’ve never heard him sing, ever. To hear his voice washing over me like a huge wave, I felt the goosebumps on my arms, my face tightened and my breathing stopped for a moment. His voice was beautiful. It’s one that you can listen while you fall asleep. The perfect lullaby.

I noticed how he sang the lyrics I made with very little knowledge of lyric writing, yet it still sounded as if it was made by him. He made those lyrics of mine his own with his voice. I smiled softly as we looked to each other, he sang his heart out, full of emotion and love. His talent, passion, everything came up to the surface with just a short song. He ended the song with “This world is better with you around.” Which hit an arrow right on my heart. My heart ached in the most best way possible. The feeling of my heart sinking as I tried to absorb all that beauty.

“So do you like it?”

My words were at a lost. I had no idea what to say, what to think. The mixed emotions surrounded around me like a whirlpool. I had a lot of things to say, but I also didn’t, not having a clear idea to speak about. He probably noticed me simply being awestruck, retrieving his eyes back to the sunset that was already about to come down and welcome the night sky.

“That was my gift to you. I’m sorry, for not talking to you for so long. For a moment I thought you were just my escape, someone that could give me freedom whenever I wanted. But I didn’t forget you, I couldn’t.” Haechan exhaled sharply, a frown forming on his lips.

“I was able to find my way back to my love for writing songs, singing. I didn’t have to knock my head against the wall trying to figure out what lyrics to write. I was stuck and I thought I had hit a dead end. I know you’d be thinking I just gave you lyrics. But what I’m thankful for was the fact that the lyrics matched me so well. It’s as if you dug out all the thoughts that were shoved and hidden at the back of my mind. Like you knew me inside out.”

Haechan turned his head slowly to me. I opened my mouth, but no words could come out. They were all stuck in my throat. “I... I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to. You’re part of this gift exchange is your book. I mean I don’t like reading but I’d love to read yours. Me to you, and you to me.”

So, did I ever find out about Haechan’s secret? No, not at all. Turns out it was all a lie he came up just to play with me. The more important thing is the fact that I finished writing my book.

The deformed all-rounder; the story of transparency and the lost that was to be found. It all started when a 3D printer came to doorstep of a boy. He didn’t know what it was used for but he knew how 3D printers worked. But this one worked, quite uniquely. It could made things you thought weren’t possible, like a world.

So he made his own. One that was filled with happiness and joy, no fear and negative energy to be found. It was his own little world, what he wanted his reality to be. He went in, and though he enjoyed the days there, his heart shattered to pieces when the door back for reality crumbled down. He was trapped in a world filled with too much joy and glee. It was suppose to be a place brightness and everlasting greatness. But it didn’t feel anything like that. It was lonely. He eventually grew crazy due to the overdose of seeing butterflies and rainbows every which way.

Then came a girl who was the complete opposite of this world. Dark, mysterious, anger. Every negative feeling you could think of all in one person. The contrast between her and his world was drastic. How did she even end up in the world? Beats him. But she came strolling in with the most stuck up energy ever. It irritated him, of course. They never got along.

But slowly and surely, through harsh times of trying to get along with each other, they accepted the drastic difference. The world that revolved around the boy now began to take notice of this unknown girl’s personality. Further down the road, he realised that they were the same, a balance of good and bad. That was the reason why the gateway crumbled. There was no balance, no give and take of between the light and dark. With that solution, they were able to get out of the world.

He wanted to crush the 3D printer, never wanting to face it again so that he wouldn’t have to go through whatever that had just happened. However, he chose not to. Because it housed the memories of him meeting the girl that changed him entirely. His reality was a whirlpool of mess and obstruction, his printed world was seemingly perfect and filled with all things lovely. He could travel between the worlds, but there would be no point to it. As much as he could assume the world he made was perfect, he knew it wasn’t. It was made by a human. And humans were never perfect. She helped him see that there were bound to be rough edges, some only digging deeper than others.

209 notes · View notes

illyaana · 3 years

Text

Homebound to you - Sasha Blaus

I can't find the artist on Tumblr (again (＞人＜；)) but this is the twitter post!

Synopsis: You are childhood friends with Sasha. This part is on how you grew up with Sasha and how she told you how she's joining the Training Corps. (if I tell anymore, it isn't a synopsis welp-)

Tags: Sasha x Binaural Reader, Fluff, SFW

Word Count: 2226

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Fanfiction Masterlist

The lush meadows of Dauper Village - the place both you called home.

It wasn’t one that you’d see written in the papers about its beauty. It was a hidden gem known by those who were willing to venture out and seek it. The forest welcomed you - the sounds of the woodland creatures and the wind against the bushes reminded you of life when you believed the world was much more peaceful than it was. The scene of an ocean blue stream of water surrounded by small animals was vivid in your memories.

“You don’t want to join me? It isn’t that dirty, trust me,” a 6-year-old Sasha said, gripping tightly onto the ends of your shirt.

Sasha Braus - the girl you’ve known ever since you were a kid.

No one could imagine the daughter of a hunter being friends - close friends - with the child of a scholar, but you both proved them wrong.

Sasha was your first ever friend. She was the one who made the introverted you more social with others.

She was the first person you truly cared for - nothing could’ve changed that.

Sasha played along a stream of water right beside the willow tree you both found the first time you ventured into the forest. She’d jump feet first into the stream, diverting the flow of water into multiple small streams before converging in the front of her feet. She loved seeing the small fishes play with each other as if they were racing to meet a bigger water source.

She’d beg you to join her in the small game - but you never did.

You wanted to steal every single moment with her in your eyes - to let it sink into the deepest parts of your brain.

“I’d rather stay dry, Sasha. My mom would kill me if I go back home with my clothes all wet,” your younger self said, trying to reason with her.

Sasha’s face immediately paled the minute you finished that sentence. She looked to her now soaked trousers. A ring of dried mud formed on the top half of her trousers decorated with dried leaves and vines.

“Why didn’t you warn me earlier?” she said, anger stricken on her face, “Mama is going to kill me now. I didn’t expect it to be this dirty.”

You chuckle at the red-faced girl in front of you.

This girl was meant for greatness - no one could deny that.

The adventurous side of hers could never be tamed.

It was wild and relentless - and you loved it to bits.

“You’re wearing shorts underneath, right?”

She nodded.

You sighed.

“Take off the trousers. I’ll wash them as best as I can and you sling it on your shoulder so that it can dry. That’s the best I can offer,” you told her.

In an instant, she ran to the bushes, took off her trousers and tossed them to you.

“You’re only 6-years old - how can you think like an adult at such a young age?” she said, an inquisitive look painted on her face.

“I grew up surrounding playful 6-year-olds, that’s why,” you said, teasing her, “I basically became their mom - looking after them, making sure they behaved well in public - I did it all.”

As time passed, Sasha became more than just a friend you used to look after.

You both became each others’ rocks - the very thing that kept each other from falling.

Sasha learnt how to hunt - to survive in the harsher world of the forest.

You learnt knowledge - to create and to move the world with a pen and paper.

You never saw Sasha hunt but you’ve pictured it billions of times.

You pictured her hazel-colored hair dancing in the air as she rode her horse. Her golden-brown eyes would focus solely on her target - they would force her victim to shudder and slow down, to become hers. Her muscles would flex under her thin shirt as he pulled the arrow in her hands against the bow - the tip fixed exactly at the weak point of her target. Then, with one swift release, her victim would fall and a rush of happiness would surge within her.

You could only draw it and picture it in your head, but how you wished to see her in action.

She’d always bring a huge portion of the meat she gained for your family. She’d say she caught more than she expected, but you could hear the rumbles from her parents.

Eventually, your families decided to move into one house to reduce the problems faced by the Braus family.

Your family would provide the income - the money to buy resources. The Braus family would help in gaining food and rationing out how much from the resources to use.

Even though your parents hated the idea of moving in with hunters, you were ecstatic.

You imagined a life with Sasha, and you were going to get a glimpse of it.

Every night, she’d come into your room with a cup of tea and talk about her hunt. You, on the other hand, would talk about what you’ve learnt for the day. Even though she never understood what you spoke on, she’d try her best to listen and even ask questions when she didn’t understand.

You taught Sasha how to use a quill while she taught you the wonders of the wild.

Sasha entered your room in the middle of the night. She had her blanket wrapped around her as she held two mugs of tea.

She saw how you continued to study throughout the night. You’d use an oil lamp as a light source as you crammed for all the future tests and exams you were going to face.

She hated the sight of you slowly losing energy. The eyebags under your eyes intensified each day. You didn’t smile as much as you used to. You lost the energy you had when you were younger.

Yet Sasha managed to keep hers, just like you wanted.

“Tea break?” she suggested, pushing a mug into your hands, “I caught a deer today! Tomorrow, you’re eating venison - get ready!”

You shook your head in denial as you placed the mug on the table.

“I swear, Y/N,” she started, agitation clear in your voice, “I will burn all your books if you don’t stop and drink tea with me right now.”

You knew Sasha’s threatens were to be taken seriously. She seriously once burned an essay you needed to hand in the next day.

You immediately closed your book and placed the hot cup of Chamomile tea in your hands. The mug itself gave you warmth, making you sigh in content.

Sasha hopped on your bed, dropping the blanket to her sides. She closed her eyes as she brought the cup of hot tea to her nose, taking it in.

You swear that she almost looked like an angel at that moment.

Her soft locks now reached her shoulders - messy and tousled. The pale moonlight against her skin highlighted her features. The gold flecks in her eyes against the hazel shined - it even showed against the steam wafting from the cup. The scar on her left shoulder from one of her hunts showed through the almost see-through shirt, showing how strong she was as a warrior.

You smiled, leaning against your chair while taking in the beauty in front of you.

“Y/N?” Sasha called.

“Yeah?”

“When are you free?”

“I should be free by this Friday, my exams end then.”

“Oh...” she said, trailing off.

You walk to sit beside her and place your head on your shoulder. You felt her relax as he placed her head on top of yours.

“Is everything good?”

She begins rubbing her head against yours.

“I’m good. I’m just worried about the future, that’s all.”

“The world must be ending,” you joke, “You’re actually thinking ahead.”

Sasha flicked your forehead, “Stupid - of course, I need to!”

A silence formed between the two of you as you both stared at the sky from your windows. It was pitch black. Stars twinkled against the black canvas, dancing to a song only they knew. The clouds tried their best to hide the beauty of the night, but their efforts were in vain.

“I’m thinking of joining the Training Corps,” Sasha said, cutting the silence.

Your face paled.

“What?” you froze.

“I hate hiding in fear, Y/N. I hate the fact we stay hiding away from the thing that threatens our lives. We should be killing it rather than just killing animals for meat,” she said with a serious voice.

You put both of your finished mugs on the floor and grab Sasha’s hands, forcing her to face you.

“Sasha, you might die. You might never see your parents again, you might lose everything,” tears form in your eyes, “I can’t lose you, Sasha - not now, not ever.”

She smiles while wiping the formed tears in your eyes.

“Bold of you to assume I’ll die the minute I see Titans,” she says.

She pulls you out of the bed, dusting off her shirt.

“We’re going out for a while. Get ready for an adventure after so many years, Y/N L/N.”

You both snuck out of the house and got on her horse. With one nudge from her, you both rode off into the forest. Through the dark greens emerged fireflies that lit the view before you. You spotted the eventful stream, the sleeping woodland creatures and the plants that reminded you of your childhood.

You turned to face the back of Sasha, and you were in awe.

She looked exactly like how you pictured her to look.

Her dancing hair, her flowing skirt, her smile - everything - it was what you imagined.

You wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling yourself closer to you. You pressed your head against her back, earning a chuckle from the horse rider.

“You better come home to me, Sasha Braus. I will never forgive you if you don’t.”

“As if I won’t.”

She signaled the horse to stop at the willow tree you used to spend most of your childhood days at.

She gets off the horse and runs to the tree. Her fingers slowly graze the tree, reminiscing all the memories you both have made right here.

“You know,” she started, “I used to stare at you reading those books of yours under this tree. The wind would blow softly for you when you perched yourself under the tree, but the vines of leaves at its branches would move so much. It was as if they were dancing for you. Even if I brought a drink or a snack, you’d just give me your portion and continue to read those books, but when I wanted you to talk to me, you’d instantly put the book down and give all your attention to me.”

“Well,” you say, “I’d always look up once in a while and see you play with the animals in that little bush there,” you point at the bush covered by fireflies, “I’d see you try picking up squirrels and capture butterflies wondering what goes on in your head.”

You get off the horse and walk towards Sasha.

“I’ll miss this the most when I leave, I think. This small haven we made from trees will always be my first home.”

You hug Sasha from behind, gripping onto her loose shirt.

“It’s happening, isn’t it? I can’t talk you out of it, can I?” you say, sniffles stopping you from speaking clearly.

She shook her head and you sigh, feeling defeated.

“Y/N, pass those exams and get into the Royal Capital. I will enter the Military Police and I’ll meet you within Wall Sheena.”

“I’ll try to get everyone to move. Then, we all will be together again,” you say, building your resolve.

Sasha turns to face you. The minute she sees you, she begins to laugh hysterically.

“You look like a lost puppy,” she says as she touches your cheek, “I’ll miss you, Y/N.”

You press your foreheads against each other. You both instinctively close your eyes, enjoying the small moment you two were sharing.

You couldn’t imagine how your life was going to be without the bubbly presence only Sasha could give. To think there would be no more random rendezvous, no more jokes and no more stories from the girl in front of you made you feel the pain you didn’t want anyone to feel.

But you knew that Sasha had aspirations and dreams - you were in no place to stop her, even if her life was on the line.

The only thing you could do was to cherish this little moment with her before years without her begin.

Soon, a swarm of fireflies surrounded the two of you, giving you a clear view of the woman before you. The bright, flickering lights enhanced the raw beauty only Sasha exemplified. Her eyes stared into yours, begging you to say something.

It was only fair to do this now. If it didn’t happen now, you don’t know when you’ll have the chance again.

“I love you, Sasha Braus. Ever since I was kids I-”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

Your lips met under a firefly-lit forest under the willow tree in your safe haven.

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yeojaa · 4 years

Text

( GHOST IN MY BED. )

Sometimes, hating someone is the only thing you can do.

pairing. jjk x named f!reader. a bit of jhs x named f!reader (but not really)?

genre + rating. rockstar!au. e2l (exes n enemies!). general flangst? anguf? a blend of angst and fluff, tbh. mainly angst tho.

tags / warnings. sibling dynamics, introspective sadness, talk about not-so-healthy relationships (obviously), dumbass!jk, asshole!jk, jealous!jk, how many more jk tags can i add?, a silly reference to scott pilgrim. nothing serious.

beta reader(s). @hobi-gif aka the loml!!!

wc. 3.1k

chapter four.

You and Yoongi don’t fight. It’s always been a point of pride - something to look at and smile on.

That must be why it feels so terrible now, with his knuckles blown white and enough rage to start a war simmering within his veins. You’ve never seen him like this: a world away from your soft Yoon, your best friend, your beloved brother.

“Yoongi, really--”

“No. Stop saying that.” Despite the fact that you know his anger isn’t directed at you - that you’re the farthest target in his mind - it still hurts, like getting caught in friendly fire. Pinpricks of guilt spill across your skin, nerve endings shot to hell by the way his mouth curls and tears, venom laced between his teeth and draped across his tongue. “He came here and you didn’t tell me? I told you - I’ll kill him.”

Hyperbole, you’re sure, but you can’t help the way your heart stutters. A little oh no for a boy who doesn’t deserve it - whose silhouette still carves a spectacularly painful hole in your chest.

“I didn’t want you to worry--” It’s not an excuse. It’s not meant to be. You never lie to Yoongi. Frankly, you don’t think you could.

“You’re my sister.”

It’s enough of a rebuttal that you’re reduced to silence. He’s right. You’re family; family don’t keep secrets.

“I’m sorry,” you try again, feeble and emphatic.

There’s an unbearable distance between you - a sea’s worth of sadness that rocks the rickety boat you’ve built. You can practically see it stretching on and on, sweeping you further and further from his safe shores. It’s an awful feeling.

“You’re my sister,” he repeats, suddenly so tired you worry for him. For once, he looks that much older than you, as if five years have forced passages of experience within his pages. “You can’t hide things from me. Who’s going to be there for you if not me?”

You want to rebuff him - insist that you’re stronger than he gives you credit for - but you know it’s not what he means. More than anyone, Yoongi believes in you. He sees your strength even when you can’t see your own; he’s been that strength more times than you can count.

The reality of your situation isn’t lost on you.

He’s the only one who knows everything you’ve been through. A diary in living breathing form, full of your most shameless secrets, your deepest worries, your worst heartbreaks.

“I know.” Apology threads each syllable, stitches them neatly to each other. The sincerity is blinding, bright white and earnest. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

The smile he offers is rueful, twisting the edge of his mouth in a manner you’ve adopted over the years. You return it without thought and then, all at once, the expanse is closed. He’s laughing - a sound that doesn’t ring true in the way you know it should - but it’s a laugh and you know everything is okay.

“Still worried,” he returns with a quiet sigh and flick of his wrist.

You’re with him in a breath, curled against his side on the couch you’d cried yourself to sleep on just days ago. While you’re both far closer in size than you’ve ever been - you were always a tiny kid growing up, even against Yoongi’s own slim frame - it’s reminiscent of your childhood and being caught beneath haphazardly strewn sheets and disorganised chaos in the form of blanket forts.

Dry lips find a home against the side of your head, his arm dragging you to warmth. “You’re an idiot, you know.” He says it in the way only an older brother can - with all the frustration and love in the world.

You do know, intimately well, how idiotic you are. Have been. Seemingly always will be.

“I know,” you mumble, sad into the raised hood of your sweater. “But I made him leave.” It sounds like a child begging for praise - to be told they’ve done well. You won’t deny you need it now.

Good is the first thing Yoongi says, a little flippant and with a hard set of his jaw. More comes when he catches your expression and the way the dent forms between your brows, the tiny pout of your lips. It’s the same face you’ve made all your life - one that hits him right behind the ribs like a Whack-A-Mole game at the carnival.

“You did good, Vivi. I’m proud of you.” They’re bandages, sticky and adhesive on the stitches Jungkook’s visit had torn open. “You’re great and he’s…” There are words he’d like to use - a million scathing adjectives to paint the asshole in technicolour - but he knows better. Knows you can’t take it, at least not right now. “He doesn’t deserve you. You get that, right? You’re better off without him.”

You nod against his side but offer nothing further. The silence speaks worrying volumes.

“You’re not going to answer him again, right?”

Some half-mumbled non-committal response comes. Yoongi wants to tear his own hair out. Better yet, he wants to tear yours out. Instead, he blows a long exhale through his nose, free hand coming to scrub across his face. When will you learn?

“I’m scared.”

It’s so quiet even you hardly hear it, ear tucked against the cotton of Yoongi’s flannel. You think, for a moment, maybe he’s missed it too. Then he squeezes you a little tighter: a silent reassurance.

“Seeing him again just brings back so many memories.” Every other word is muffled but it’s the most you can do. Courage is carried quietly - too loud and you’ll shatter it. “I thought three years would be enough. It should be, right?”

It’s a rhetorical question; Yoongi still debates answering it, just for his own sake.

“Maybe he’s changed. Or maybe I’ve changed. It could be different.” It’s a clandestine belief and one you shouldn’t speak to life - especially to your brother. It spills forth of its own accord, wrong for so many reasons but begging to be asked. You have no control over it and the hope it sows somewhere within your chest.

“You can’t actually believe that.”

It’s infinitely more scathing than Hoseok’s reaction, tearing out of Yoongi’s mouth like a bullet. You can’t help the way you frown, brows drawn and lips pursed. You’ve known Yoongi your whole life. Reading between the lines feels like you’re fucking stupid but you know it’s not quite so harsh. A frustrated you dumb idiot, maybe.

“Don’t make that face.”

“I’m not making any face.”

“Yes, you are. It’s the same one you made when I embarrassed you on your first date. Also the one you made after you threw up all over Hoseok’s shoes the first night you met him.” The recollection doesn’t help your cause - you’re grimacing even more deeply, chagrin spilling into misery in the form of red hot heat over your cheeks. “Don’t resent me for being realistic, Vivi. You know he hasn’t changed.”

The silence is childish. You know that.

“You can’t fix people.”

He arrives with flowers. Two full bunches of your favourite blooms - pretty peonies in shades of coral and lavender. They’re heavy in his arms, held so gingerly it’s almost comical as he extracts himself from the vehicle he most definitely should not be driving. He wonders whether you’ll be home - if he’ll get to see your expression when he presents them to you. He hopes you’ll light up, brighter than the sun in the sky and better than any nightlight.

What he doesn’t expect is someone walking up the sidewalk, gym bag slung across his shoulder like he’s getting ready to settle in for a long night. Short - atleast a few inches shorter than himself - with a stupid face that makes Jungkook want to punch it. Dumb shoes, too. Who the fuck wears Off-White Jordan 1s in that colourway?

There’s a permanent scowl etched across his face as he watches from behind the tinted comfort of his car, single hand caught around the edge of the door. He’s vaguely aware of the fact that he’s perhaps crushing the stems cradled in his arms, inked knuckles blown white around quickly crumpling brown paper.

Maybe he’s your neighbour. Or maybe he’s going to the other house or maybe—

No, he’s definitely walking right up the front path.

The words are out before Jungkook can stop them, shouted into the quiet afternoon more loudly than he anticipates. “Hey!”

Dumbass with the face turns, full of surprise and wandering eyes. He hesitates halfway up your stoop, looking stupider than ever as he looks around for the source of the voice.

Then his stare falls on the brunet with his hands full and it’s like a flip has switched - mouth hardening into a line that raises the hairs on the back of Jungkook’s neck. He’s glaring at him (or something close to it).

Seriously - who is this fucker?

“Can I help you?” Hoseok speaks far more reasonably, at an octave that doesn’t shatter the peace of the residential neighbourhood. He’s still caught on the steps, fist tight around the strap of his bag as he studies the man - no, boy - that jogs up to meet him, two rungs the only thing separating the two of them.

“Do you know Vira?”

A part of Hoseok flinches at Jungkook’s casual use of your name - like he knows you or deserves to address you like an old friend. This kid really was clueless.

When he speaks, he’s perfectly composed, tension held tight behind his teeth. “I said, can I help you?”

Jungkook bristles at the response, some snarky comment threatening to knock the other off his apparent high horse. He barely catches it, grinding it down into a fine powder beneath his molars. He has to tread lightly here.

“I’m a friend of hers.” Not a lie, per se. You two were friends; after all, you’d come when he’d called. That meant something, right? Had to.

“A friend?” Disbelief slips into place, evident in the tone of Hoseok’s voice, how his brows shift beneath his chestnut fringe. He knows better than to believe Jungkook - has heard all the heartbreaking stories - but he can’t quite keep the worry from worming it’s way into his thoughts. They settle uncomfortably, just beneath the surface. “Is she expecting you?”

Everything about Hoseok makes Jungkook hate him. From the sneakers he wears to the watch on his wrist - understated, all gold, more expensive than a nerd like him should have - there’s something undoubtedly punchable about him.

It certainly has nothing to do with the fact that he’s seemingly close with you. Definitely not.

“I was going to surprise her.” The flowers are held aloft, gesticulated in the best manner Jungkook can manage with his arms so full. “I didn’t know she was expecting you.” It’s a cheap tactic - recycling words - but he can’t think of much else beyond fitting his foot into this guy’s mouth.

“She’s not.” Sharp, sparse, with no hint of indulgence. Hoseok’s not about to get into a verbal sparring match with Jungkook. It’s not worth his time.

He is, however, going to put him in his place - and easily at that.

“She’s still at work.” Slim bundle of keys rise - two unassuming and one for an Audi. Perhaps unnecessary but Hoseok takes great pleasure in the other’s expression.

Tch is Jungkook’s first thought before the second smacks him straight in the face. He has a key to your place? The fact rubs him all the wrong ways despite the fact that he has no right to be bothered; it isn’t his home any more - hasn’t been in years. It still hurts, though, right behind his ribs and all the way down to the tips of his fingers.

Is this how you felt all those times?

Something like nausea builds in Jungkook’s stomach, throwing acid up the walls of his throat. It burns and strings, licking painfully all the way into his mouth. His teeth ache - buzz uncomfortably - and his tongue feels suddenly far too heavy. He wonders if he might choke on it.

Then, slowly, in a voice he doesn’t recognise. Too soft, years younger, uncertain. “Can you give these to her?” He hates it.

He hates even more the way Hosoek looks at him, with such pity Jungkook wants to curl it around his fist and break the older man’s teeth with it. It’s something he’s seen a handful of times - from you, from your brother, from his worried mother when she thinks he doesn’t notice. It never gets easier.

It forces him into a position he hasn’t been in in years: weak.

“I don’t think so.” By how calmly Hoseok speaks, it’s almost as if he’s commenting on the weather or passing along a banal bit of information. It’s far too nonchalant to be breaking Jungkook’s heart, splitting it cleanly in two.

“Why not?” Jungkook’s petulant, a child denied his favourite toy, forced into time-out.

That’s not for you screams Hoseok’s expression. She’s not for you. “I’m not comfortable with doing so.”

The sinking feeling hasn’t stopped for Jungkook. It goes and goes until he wishes he were six feet under, buried under ground as low as he feels. He should leave. He knows he should leave - if only to stop the discomfort that’s gripping every nerve, twisting them like an elbow about to snap.

“Anyway.” There’s boredom working its way into Hoseok’s stare, relaxing the shape of his mouth until it falls wide around a short, terse sigh. “If you’re friends, you can get in touch and drop them off later.”

He’s done playing gatekeeper - can feel his frustration bubbling to the surface in a way he’s not about to entertain. He nods once, dismissive, before turning away from the so-called rockstar that seems terribly small and the farthest thing from it.

“Goodbye.” Then he’s disappearing into your home, leaving Jungkook on the steps with his tail between his legs.

You return home three hours later - blissfully unaware of what’s transpired.

You set your dinner on the kitchen island, deftly unpacking takeout boxes as Hoseok hurries to your side to help. You don’t mind when he bumps into you, knocking his hip against yours with a heart-shaped smile.

It burns a little brighter than usual. “Good day?”

He hums in response, sneaking a yellow tomato from the salad box he’s just popped open. “Something like that.”

“Something like that?” You can’t help but echo him, a pretty parrot with shining eyes and a silk bow in your hair. “Don’t play coy, Jung Hoseok.” A digit closes the minimal distance between you, finding purchase against his side - right where he’s most ticklish.

He shrieks, nearly upending the fries he’s tried to dump onto a ceramic plate.

“Hey!” Hands swat, then fold, catching your fingers between his in an awkward hand-hold. “Keep your hands to yourself, Vi.”

“You don’t complain normally,” you retort. You’re not wrong. Skinship with you is one of his favourite things, fourth only to his dog, dancing, and a certain green-labelled soda.

“Well, today’s a special day.”

Hoseok really doesn’t know where he’s going with his words - only hoping that he’ll find their destination somewhere along the way. He doesn’t want to tell you too soon, all too aware of how the mention of your ex will bring this perfect moment crumbling down. He wants to hold it, perhaps a little too tightly, for as long as he can. He thinks he’s doing you a service, giving you these few extra minutes.

“Oh yeah?” You’re twinkling eyes and pealing laughter, so far removed from the bag of bones and sadness of only days prior. It’s hard to believe there’s something broken inside of there - tucked right behind your breastplate and out of sight.

“Yeah.”

You wait for him to continue, opting instead to fill the silence with mouth noises. He’ll tell you when he’s ready. He always does.

“Jungkook came by.” It comes halfway through a bite of a french fry, the carb nearly bringing you to an early death when you choke on it. All at once, everything spins, as if just the name is enough to upend your entire world. Hoseok’s clapping your back, rubbing soothing circles over the cotton of your shirt, and you’re struggling to find words or breath - heaving around the sudden heaviness.

“What?” So small, it’s hardly a word.

“He was here when I got here.” You’re not oblivious to the careful way he speaks, choosing his words with utmost care. You don’t miss his grip either, gentle and unyielding at your side - as if he might steady you beneath the sudden tidal wave of emotion.

You do well, keeping your voice level once you’ve found it again. “And? What did he want?”

Hoseok does you the great service of pretending as if he doesn’t hear the hope in your voice. You’re grateful for that.

“He came with flowers.” Not quite a laugh comes - more unimpressed and derisive than amused. “Two bouquets, actually.” You can feel him studying you from your periphery, his careful stare trained on your face and the dozen emotions that run rampant through it. “Your favourite flowers too.”

Your laugh matches his own, though far heavier, as if the sound won’t form without immense effort. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” It’s a word you’ve heard a lot tonight. It feels right. One syllable to encompass every feeling you can’t properly articulate. “He asked me to give them to you.”

It should surprise you but it doesn’t. Jungkook’s never been one to ask - instead taking what he wants - but it’s still funny. Of course he’d ask that of Hoseok, as if the act itself weren’t terribly strange, the flowers an unwelcome, begging apology. Jeon Jungkook only did what he wanted - etiquette be damned.

“I don’t see them anywhere.”

“I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing it.” There’s a touch of pride, glimmering gold painted over consonants and vowels. It’s understated in the way that Hoseok always is - not how he looks, but is; you’re drawn to it nonetheless, squeezing your fingers around his own in a silent thank you.

“I hope it wasn’t weird.” It must have been. It’s still the thought that counts.

Hoseok hams it up, scoffing like it’s just been another day. “Weird? Of course not. I have to deal with my friend’s horrible exes all the time. I’m practically Scott Pilgrim.”

“Does that make me Ramona Flowers?”

“No - but you’re my flower.” He says it in jest, only to make you smile, because he knows you need it right now.

You try not to think of how you prefer Pumpkin, instead.

tag list. @jalexad @aa-ronpa @kookiesbreaky @celestialflamefairy @xjoonchildx @pars-ley @seokjinssi @youwannabelostandnotbefound @patpus @dazedjjk @koozui @jinhitwhore @always-wishing-for-rain @neverthefirstchoice @snackhobi

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crazyblondelife · 9 months

Text

Mid Year Reset - How Will You End Your Year

The first part of 2023 has gone by too quickly! I don’t remember ever being busier or happier! My youngest two daughters have both moved three hours away (in the opposite direction, of course) and as you know, we’re getting ready to have our first granddaughter in September. I love having everyone closer, but that also adds to my life, because when they’re closer, they visit more and they want us to visit them as well. Our daughter, Sarah and her husband, just bought a house in Columbia, South Carolina and I can already tell you that she is going to want help with getting settled and of course, I can’t wait to go and help! We’ll also be in Richmond (a lot), getting to know the newest addition to our growing family and we’re so excited!

We have also just gotten preliminary drawings back for renovating our master bedroom/bathroom AND the kitchen! I’m over the moon about the plans but not over the moon about the prospect of my life being invaded by construction…but it will be so worth it!

I also personally have things to accomplish and dreams to continue to pursue and I’m beginning to wonder when I’ll be able to sleep.

Going into 2023, I have a strong, clear vision of what I’m creating in my life. I plan to make that my top priority.

I’ve talked about the importance of keeping your word to yourself often. When you make promises to yourself and don’t keep them, you loose confidence and basically let yourself down. We all are so good at making excuses about why we don’t have time to get to the gym, read the book, start making healthy meals, take the course, write the book, start the blog, etc., but when it comes down to it, those things are important and when we get to the end of the year, or the end of the decade, or the end of our lives and we haven’t accomplished them, it doesn’t feel very good.

Willpower is not the answer. It’s the power to control your mind that is the answer and you find that power by creating your life in stillness through imagination. Can you quiet your mind enough to actually imagine yourself doing something you want to do? For example, can you close your eyes and see yourself getting up, putting your clothes on and driving to the gym or going for a walk? What are you wearing, what do you see along the way? How do you feel when you’ve finished? If you can do this, you are much more likely to follow through because you’ve created the feeling of the experience before it ever happened. Stay with me here…

Making time to pursue the things that light you up is self care. A pedicure is nice, but it’s pleasure and not self care. Self care feeds your soul in a way that can be life changing…it can spark your creativity and take you down an amazing life path that only you can walk.

When I wrote my course, Journey of Becoming, I had a lot of pushback about the word “becoming”. People said to me that we are already everything we need to be, we are enough. I do believe we are all enough, but most of don’t know it…our enoughness hasn’t been uncovered by us. So many women feel unworthy, unseen, and are just trying to maintain their sanity every day, which is no way to live!

Staying stagnant isn’t even an option in life because everything changes, however, t our thoughts and our beliefs in ourselves can stay stagnant and we can feel stuck because we’re living in the past and letting those thoughts dominate our lives, or we’re having anxiety about what’s to come in the future. The best place to be is in the eternal now. It’s always now and that’s where creating your life.

Life isn’t about what you do, it’s about who you be. The answers to our burning questions, greatest longings and deepest desires are found in stillness. Take the time to be in stillness every day and quiet your mind enough to feel some sense of peace and then, dream a little…imagine your life as if it were already exactly as you desire it to be. Hold a vision of that life in such a vivid way that your mind doesn’t know the difference. When you open your eyes, you will have carved out the beginnings of manifesting the life you want to live. Give yourself this life changing gift every day for at least 15 minutes! You have 15 minutes…I promise!

I used to put certain people on a pedestal, thinking that these people lived perfect lives and had everything figured out, but I found out since starting this blog that it simply isn’t true. Everyone has “stuff”. Even the people that appear to have perfect lives.

It’s all about how you deal with your “stuff” that makes a difference.

For most of my life, I made everything that wasn’t going right someone else’s fault. I never accepted the fact that I had created it all until just a few years ago. It took a traumatic experience and the realization that it was up to me to change things and accept responsibility for my life before anything would ever change.

Almost 9 years later, I’ve changed my life completely. I meditate each and every day for longer periods of time, I read books that feed my soul and I take the time to take care of me. I also take the time to take care of my body by going to the gym, walking, eating well and yes, I do get a pedicure and love my Botox.

When I ponder the next 6 (5-1/2) months left in this year, I know the importance of my daily self care. It has given me so much confidence. I want to continue to show up here and share the ways that I’m growing and learning and inspire you to do the same. I truly 100% believe that we can intentionally create our lives to be anything we want them to be…ANYTHING! If you can dream it, you can achieve it.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Brianna Wiest, author of one of my favorite books called The Mountain is You.

“ A beautiful life is not stumbled upon, it is built, it is chosen. It is nurtured over the years. A beautiful life is made from the heart, not the head. It is not one that is easy, it is one that is worth it.”

As we go into the last half of the year, what enoughness will you uncover? What will you imagine and dream for yourself? If you decide to do it, you truly can be on a Journey of Becoming everything that you already are…and the sky isn’t even the limit!

I’m reading an amazing book that has taken me even deeper into my meditation journey. It’s called The Neville Collection and it’s a collection of books written by Neville Goddard in the 1950’s. Wayne Dyer’s book, Wishes Fulfilled was based on Goddards methods for manifesting. This book is still so relevant for today and it’s been my obsession for the past month or so. This is a book that has made so many things clear to me and one I’ll keep forever and reread many times in the years to come. To say it has had a profound effect on me is probably an understatement. It’s not an easy read and I’m reading it slowly and taking the time to contemplate as I read.

I would so love to know your thoughts on this post! Please share in the comments if it feels right to you! Thank you so much for reading today!

#Fall Transitional Fashion #Inspiration #Mid Year Reset

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sparklingchan · 4 years

Text

Queen || Park Seonghwa(Ateez)

Pairing : Seonghwa x Reader (fem.)

Word count: 2k+

Warnings: Mentions of war , cuss words , A single kiss.

Genre:Angst , fluff, Goryeo AU , Royal AU.

Description : Serving the nation was Crown Prince Seonghwa’s second most top priority. You were the first.

A/N: This one is an old drabble too but it’s one of my best ones. I haven’t been able to write much since my college already started but I will write a new imagine/drabble asap.

Enjoy!

The warrior of Goryeo ,the future king, the pride of his father, the most gorgeous man to ever have been born, Seonghwa was everything an ideal crown prince could be. The tales of his bravery were known by the young and the old and the stories of his loyalty were performed as poems and songs. He was the most perfect man in the entire nation and the people truly believed so with all their hearts.

But little did the people know what actually hides behind his calm demeanor and loving smile.

"What do you mean you are getting me married?" Seonghwa has a stern look on his face, trying to remain calm as his father tells him -commands him - to do the one thing he could never do. His heart crushes in his chest but he tries to maintain a composed form in front of his discipline obsessed father.

"You heard me the first time, Crown Prince . You will be getting married to the Princess of a minor kingdom soon. " he asserts his decision by looking at the prince with angry, burning eyes.

Seonghwa has a heart of gold, they say. A heart so strong and so precious, no one could ever reach that point of greatness in one lifetime. But maybe they were wrong. Maybe his heart was not gold ,but glass ; frail and easily breakable.

That night, after his father practically forces him into an alliance he didn't even desire, Crown Prince Seonghwa walks to the one place in the entire nation that makes him feel safe and at home. And no,that is not his luxurious , comfortable palace complex.

Miss y/n's house is a few minutes away from the main royal complex so it has always been easier for Seonghwa to be able to sneak out without getting caught by guards or his own family members. Out of the million times he's ever been to her small,two roomed house, he's probably only ever been close to getting caught just once.

"Y/n, its me " he knocks softly at her door, trying to hold his tears in as his father's words still remain carved in his mind.

As soon as the door opens, he practically pulls her into his arms, finding comfort in that one person more than anyone else. She puts her head on his chest and nuzzles into the embrace, finding the similar comfort that he does in her.

"What's wrong ?" She asks, not being able to ignore the tear stains on his cheeks and the tremble in his voice.

He strokes her long ,black hair ,trying to gain courage to say anything at all. How could he tell her that all those dreams of living together might never come true, that he will be sharing his bed with another woman now, that he will have to father children of a woman he didn't love.

"Father is getting me married to a princess." he wishes he could have stopped those words before they reached her ears, despite the physical impossibility of that desire, but there's nothing he could do anymore. The damage has already been done .

Y/n's heart drops in the deepest pits of her stomach , a feeling of anger , bitterness and betrayal washes over her as she process the information just provided to her. But she forces a smile, for Seonghwa 's sake.

"It's alright, your majesty. " she places a kiss on his head, fighting away tears that were so dangerously waiting to fall from her eyes. For Seonghwa , she reminds herself.

He looks up at her with bewilderment clear in his eyes. "Are you saying I should listen to him? "

Y/n bite her lips ,trying to form proper sentences in her head. How does one tell the man they love to let everything go ? Let them go?

She didn't want to do it, of course. If she could , she would have made him run away from that horrendous royal palace and keep him with her in her small hut where they could live a peaceful life but she couldn't.

He's royal blood and she is just a commoner who washes clothes for a living. She's not a match for him, no matter how much both of them pretended it weren't true.

"He's the king. You cannot say no to a royal command. " she whispers. She takes in deep breaths to make sure that his scent is embedded in her mind for centuries to come. The way that his arms feel warm around her and the smooth texture of his voice, she wants to remember everything.

"I will give up everything and come to you, y/n. Just say the word and I'll leave everything. " he says, taking her face in his hands. His fingertips press softly against her cheeks, the pressure sending shivers through her body.

"And then what? You leave and then what? Are you ready to give up all those luxuries and privileges to live a normal life where we have to work really hard to earn some money? " she speaks in a small voice as her shaky hands remove his from her face. "Will you turn your back on the citizens of our country that love you so much ?"

Seonghwa's hands fall to his sides , as if they lost all their sense of movement and purpose. The tears flowing down his cheeks refuse to stop anytime soon .

"Go, Seonghwa . Please. The country needs you. More than me. " she says , finally letting her own tears flow too.

"I will never be able to love her. Not as much as I love you, not nearly as much you." he sobs, his hands yet again finding their way to her waist, pulling her into his chest.

Putting a hand on his chest , y/n stops his actions, although it only feels like twisting a knife further into her own wounds.

"Go."

As he walks away that night, she watches his back from a small gap through the window, trying to remember as many details about this man as her mind could afford to store. She wants to remember him. She wants to remember the only man who loved her so unconditionally.

The grief finally crashes into her , her whole body being taken over by ugly sobs, with her eyes still on Seonghwa 's back, his black hair shining under the moonlight and his sword swinging with every movement of his body.

For Seonghwa , she reminds herself , For Seonghwa , I will never love again.

"You have to stop bringing things like this for me, your highness. It makes me feel guilty." Y/n says , running her hand over the beautiful, brand new silk blanket sitting on her lap. Mingi smiles, rolling his eyes playfully at her. "Hey, this is not from me. It's from Brother Seonghwa ."

Nodding her head with slight disappointment on her face, she tries hard not to acknowledge the name even though it as if makes her body erupt into flames. It's been months since they last saw each other and although she doesn't say it out loud , her mind is pre occupied with Seonghwa’s thoughts more often than she'd like. But then again, It's not easy forgetting the man you so dearly loved.

"How's he doing?" Those words come out even before she could process it , spilling out of her mouth like water out of a jug.

"He's doing fine .Doesn't talk much ,rarely sleeps. I don't see him that much either." Mingi says

He's as miserable as she is, she realizes and even though it is horrible , she feels a slight giddiness at that thought.

"And the crown princess? "

"Do you really want to know, y/n?" Mingi replies with a slight chuckle.

No, she didn't really want to know about how much time the good-for-nothing princess is spending with her Seonghwa but she asked it anyway , just for the sake of it.

"No." She admits.

Mingi sighs, running his hand over the soft blanket laid on her lap. "They're not married yet you know . If you say it, I'll make some arrangements so you two could run off to a faraway place. He says he doesn't want the throne anyway. He honestly doesn't want anything that isn't you anymore. "

Y/n feels her heart beat increase at his words but her face remains neutral , trying not to lose her composure in front of Seonghwa's brother.

"I would never be able to keep him as happy as the princess might, though I hate to admit it. He's grown up in those palaces with thousands of servants and expensive clothes and luxurious cuisines. If he chooses me, he'll lose all of that. He'll lose his home , he'll lose the love of his countrymen, your highness. Why can't you of all people understand that? "

"No, I do understand, y/n. But I don't like seeing my brother like that. I and second prince Hongjoong have had to see him in such a miserable condition these past few months, not knowing what to do ," He says "No medicine for this illness ,right? " He adds, pointing a finger to the left side of his chest ; his heart.

"No, there isn't " she replies, but the "I wish there was " is silent.

"Are you out of your mind, Seonghwa ? Father will chop our heads off and have them displayed at the front gate of the palace!" Hongjoong is angry but he knows he's not exaggerating. Their excuse of a father might actually end up doing that if any of his children bring dishonor to the family.

"I agree. " Mingi agrees. Seonghwa paces to and fro in his room , the groom's clothes on his bed long forgotten. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair , hissing at himself for not being able to come up with a solid decision. He has to do something and he knows for a fact that he cannot marry the princess waiting for him in the king's court.

"I can't marry her. I will not marry her. "He keeps mumbling to himself under his breath as his brothers watch him helplessly.

The door of the room flies open without a warning and the three boys look at their father ,his majesty, the king of Goreyo entering the room with a horrified expression.

"The wench ran away." he says with a shaking breath, humiliation clear in his eyes. "The princess ran away with her lover to a far away place. I will wage a war on that kingdom! I will destroy them for this insult they've spat on our faces."

Seonghwa 's mind goes blank for a second , wondering if the words leaving his father's mouth were true or just a manifestation of his own imagination.

"Father, it's okay. I think everything happens for a reason. " Hongjoong speaks up , deciding to take one for the team. He trembles under his father's gaze but he swallows the fear. The universe knows he'd do anything for his brothers. Anything.

Mingi looks at Seonghwa ,as if signaling him to say something or do something instead of staring at the king like a statue. "Uh.. yes, yes, father. I don't think she'd have made a very good queen anyway so why waste our time fighting against such people? Let it go. Karma will get back to them."

He's speaking nonsense at this point but he doesn't care. He only wishes to see y/n as soon as possible.

"Fine, if you say so. Anyway I meant to ask you if you have a bride in mind. I can't cancel the whole wedding for a stupid girl ; you're getting married anyway, bring whoever you want, a common girl ,a noblewoman ,whatever. I just don't want my name to have a black stain on it because the crown prince's wedding got cancelled under my reign. "The king puts his hand on Seonghwa ‘s shoulder.

"Yes. Yes. I have someone in mind, father. I'll get her right away. " If you think he sprinted right out the door ,running off towards y/n's house without letting the king respond to his words, then you're absolutely right.

The knocks on her door seem oddly familiar ,too familiar to be true yet, without a second thought she opens it, although she wasn't actually expecting him to there.

" Seonghwa ! Did you run away from the wedding?" She cries, as he leans against her door and pants heavily.

"No." he gulps . " No. She ran away. Father wants me to marry whoever I want. Says he just wants to save his image."

Speechless. That is what she is as she watches him enter the small hut, his chest still heaving from the run and the sweat still fresh on his forehand. "I'm going to ask you this one last time, Y/n." he walks up to her ,trapping her by pinning her against the wall with his hands on either side of her head. "Will you marry me and become my Queen? Will you please do me this one favour? "

Y/n stares at him for a good five seconds, tears streaming down her face as she rests her hand on Seonghwa’s chest, the heartbeat from his chest matching hers.

When he raises an eyebrow demanding an answer, she doesn't reply but instead pulls his mouth down to meet hers.

And that's all the answer he'll ever need.

113 notes · View notes

hwarangbangbang · 3 years

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jin zixuan » captivation

parts - 1 | 2

hello everyone! here is the second part, as requested by @impossibleme09 to captivation! this is a reader insert so if thats not quite your vibe, i understand~ but if it IS your vibe and you have read the first chapter, i hope you enjoy! and i thank all you kind readers for your patience!

title - captivation word count - 3,004 words paring - jin zixuan/fem!reader tags - THE ANGST (for the most part) IS OVER!! hopefully only lovely tings in this chapter, heartfelt emotions, mutual pining, affair, kinda happy ending

Four weeks.

Four long, lonely, dark, desperate weeks had passed since your sentencing by the Gusu Lan Sect, alongside the remainder of the court.

They had dragged you out, kicking and screaming at the verdict whilst they quite literally began to rip apart your only best friend. You could see the look on Zhao Gang's face, the look in his eyes.

At least now, you knew he would be at peace.

You however, were confined for the rest of your days to stare at four stone walls, and a barred window and doorway being the only access you could never have again to the outside world.

On the third day of the fifth week, which you had conveniently kept track of by using a corroded nail to carve the rustic tallies into the floor, you noticed something peculiar going on outside of your cell window. It was faint, given how quiet it always was down in the prison of the Lanling Jin Sect, but you heard it.

The small sound of rustling paper, following by said parchment falling down onto the floor of your cell. Your cell was partially underground, the window starting at the beginning of the ground and only extending up a few feet, so on occasion trash could come in through the slots in the bars, you didn't pay much mind to it.

However, this parchment seemed different. It was a letter.

With curious eyes, you walked over to it, picking up the letter that was sealed with a gold emblem to keep it shut. You knew that sigil anywhere, it was that of the Lanling Jin Sect. When you turned it over, you saw your name beautifully written on the front of it.

Why would a letter be addressed to you, coming from the very sect you were imprisoned at, be coming through your cell window? Couldn't whatever message may be, not be delivered by word of mouth from a guard?

Regardless, you opened up the letter, not caring for the golden wax infused sigil that was ripped in half as you pulled it apart and began to read.

Cultivator [ Y/L/N ], I do hope this letter finds you in good health -- though I do understand your predicament is less than desirable and for that I do apologize on behalf of the court and my sect.

I was present that day, the day of your sentencing, and while I do agree that your choices of alternate methods of cultivation were a bit of an extreme shock to us and to the cultivation world, I believe you do not deserve a life such as this.

You were in mourning for your companion, and it is with my deepest apologies that you must go through it again. I wish for his soul to be carried to the highest of places, awaiting yours in the future.

I would like to help you, should you so want that. You do not deserve to spend the rest of your life trapped as an animal for one mistake. I will leave you this letter, and return just before daybreak for your answer.

Please think over my offer well, I hope to see you in the morning.

Someone... wanted to help you? Someone saw through your scrutiny you were served by the Sect Leaders... the truth? That you weren't a threat, or had any ill will to harm anyone? There had to be a catch, there had to be something -- who would just willingly help you? Definitely not out of just blind trust.

Your stomach turned throughout the night, not even getting so much as a wink of sleep as your eyes were trained on the window, your evening sludge of dinner forgotten on the floor. As the evening darkness turned to a dark magenta and clementine hue, the morning sun shining through the small window, you raised up to your own two feet to pad toward the window.

You raised up on your tip toes, looking out of the barred hole as you curled your fingers around the cold metal and waited. You waited for what had felt like forever, your eyes heavy from the lack of sleep, and just when you felt like giving up on whatever hope had been brewing in your head over the night, you saw a pair of black hanfu boots, the lining instead of white cotton, was a shimmery silk laced gold.

The robe to match could be mistaken for nothing else than a member of the Lanling Jin Sect and it swayed elegantly even from what you could see. The owner crouched down, and you nearly fainted when you saw who's face it belonged to.

"Y-Young Lord Jin?" You gasped, slipping off of your tip toes as you braced yourself against the stone walls of your prison cell. You must have gone truly mad- did your eyes really deceive you?

A small, barely present smile raised along the corners of his mouth, and you had to blink yourself out of your trance to come to terms with the fact that it truly was him. “I hope I have not troubled you due to my early risings, Cultivator (Y/L/N), I needed to arrive during the changing shifts of the dungeon guards.” He apologized, looking left and right before sitting down on his knees, bracing himself on the bars as he peered down at you.

There was an awkward and tense silence between the two of you -- you watching him, a rosy flush coloring his cheeks as he tried his best to maintain eye contact with you.

“So... did you sleep well?”

“What exactly is it you want from me, Young Lord Jin?”

Time. It was something you had plenty of, but in this current moment the anxiety was eating at you -- the apprehension of not knowing -- and your patience was wearing thin as he tried to skirt around the issue at hand.

Jin Zixuan cleared his throat, shaking his head. “I want nothing of you. I want to help you.” He answered, and alas, there was no tell-tale signs of dishonesty anywhere on him. His fingers couldn’t cross behind his back, as they were curled around the cold metal bars. His eyes didn’t shift side to side, as they were trained on you.

So either Jin Zixuan was a really good liar, or he was truthfully only trying to help.

Which prompted you to the question that had been at the forefront of your mind since the moment you received his letter. “Why?”

His brow furrowed, “because, I believe... you do not deserve to be here. Not trapped in here for the rest of your life as a common criminal-” he began, though you cut him off quickly. “How do you know I’m not? How do you know you can trust me not to abuse your position to get what I want? How do you know I will not, upon my freedom, raise another ghost puppet to do my bidding?!”

“Because of your eyes.”

Well that... truly stunned you. You weren’t sure how to counter that, but you didn’t need to, because he continued on in explanation.

“Your eyes show more emotion than you want. I was raised in a family where all I could do was sit and observe. I learned many things during my years, but one was how to spot someone evil.” He said tersely.

“An evil person, someone truly evil, is someone who could not care less of who gets caught in the crossfire of their wrongdoings. They enjoy the fear they inflict, the pain, the agony... But you,” he pointed towards you with an accusatory finger, though didn’t hold accusatory words, “you do not. Your eyes still have that sparkle of innocence.” He finished, but then added, “it’s quite... captivating, if I do say so myself.”

“Even if what you are saying is true-” you interjected, “how do you expect me to escape this prison? There is only one way in, and only one way out -- and it is through that door right there-” you pointed to the doorway cut out of stone, jailed by more bars.

Jin Zixuan smiled, “I’ve lived here my whole life. I know more ins and outs of this palace than you could imagine.” He pulled something from his outer robe as he stood, tossing down another letter into your hands as he looked around. “The guards have switched -- I will leave you more letters with my plans. Keep them hidden, keep them safe.”

And then he was gone.

Days bled into nights, which morphed into the longest few months you had ever experienced. Having nothing to look at but your prison walls, the food becoming more and more inedible as the time went on; if it weren’t for your lingering hope of escape and your track keeping of each day, you were sure you would have gone mad.

But Jin Zixuan kept to his word. Visiting you every single day at sunrise on the dot, sometimes to simply just sit and talk, or to leave you more letters due to his rush to get done his princely deeds of the day. But in all the days you were stuck there, he had become the highlight of your day.

His smile, while regal and reserved, was always genuine. His voice would tell you stories of what was going on in the real world, stories you’d recall as you drifted to sleep each night. He was always helpful, never condescending... and it finally began to dawn on you that you might actually feel something for the Young Prince of Lanling Jin Sect.

This took a while for you to come to terms with. What if it had been just in your head? To be quite fair, he was the only man you had really had any contact with in... god knows how long. What if it was only your imagination that was making you picture the longing in his stares? Making you picture the somewhat suggestive sentences that hinted at wanting something more than just helping you?

But he was engaged... He had told you this much himself. To a woman who didn’t deserve how dismissive he had been to her as of late. That she was kind and sweet and caring, and deserved a better man to call a husband. It was hard for you to hide your dislike for the matter, to hide your jealousy, even as he expressed that it was only for show to keep the big sect families in harmony.

It was all a lot to process, and at the end of the day you at least knew to be true that you did in fact share some semblance of feelings for Jin Zixuan.

Months passed before the day had come.

The day of your escape.

The change of guards would take longer due to the need for increased protection following the wedding ceremony of the Young Lord Jin Zixuan and his bride to be, Young Lady Jiang. You had only seen her a few times in passing, and only had heard seldom things about her -- but you knew one thing for sure: she definitely was lucky to be able to spend the rest of her life by his side. Something at this point you could only wish for.

A knock sounded from the barred door of your cell, and you lifted your head from the ground where you lay to see a familiar face. Jin Zixuan. He was dressed very well, in red robes as was custom for wedding ceremonies, and it honestly looked quite breathtaking on him.

The robe, which was normally a mix of golds and cream colored fabric, was a vibrant red that made his skin glow that much more than normal, it suited his tone well, and his hair was done up with the most royal braids you had ever seen. He looked amazing, and this was most likely the last image you would ever have of him.

At least it was a charming memory to have.

“Are you ready? We have little time, I’m awaiting for the word to begin the entry to the palace for the ceremony. I figure whilst everyone is busying themselves in the wedding hall... this would be the best time.” Jin Zixuan spoke, and you felt a heavy feeling in your heart. But nonetheless, you nodded. Young Lord Jin was not yours to have, he was already spoken for... but yet you still could see a pain behind his deep brown irises.

Jin Zixuan produced a small key from inside his sleeve, and for the first time since your imprisonment, you saw that cell door open and heard it creak. As you stepped outside, into the prison hall, you saw not a single guard was in sight. With a quick look you both shared together, he took your hand and began to lead you down the hall.

You were thankful for his aid, because even if you had managed to conspire this plan yourself, you would have gotten lost easily in the maze of halls.

After what had seemed like forever, you were stopped by his arm curling around your form to jerk you back between two pillars against a stone wall. His hand came clasped over your mouth to silence any yelps that betrayed you from the surprise, and just as you were about to ask him why he had stopped you, when you heard it.

Guards. The clink of their swords. The sound of them talking. You heard at least two to your left, and even more to your right. You looked up at Jin Zixuan with a look of fear -- not for you, but for him. What would happen to him if he was caught helping a fugitive? A criminal?

He didn’t seem to share that same look of fear though, because he reached above him to pull a small pin from what looked like an embedding in the wall, and just like that, the wall behind you disappeared, only to be realigned in place soundlessly.

It had taken you nearly off your feet, if it hadn’t been for the Young Prince’s grip on your waist holding you steady. As darkness encased the both of you, the only light allotted a few torches along the tunnel that lay before you, you felt him move before a rustling of fabric sounded, a dark blue robe being held out to you.

“The less suspicious you seem when you get to the outside world, the better.” He explained, and after the robe was passed to your hands he turned around to politely allow you to change.

You quickly made work of your outer robe, ignoring the blush coloring your cheeks that you were thankful was hardly noticeable in the lighting, slipping on the disguise and making sure it was secure before clearing your throat. “I am finished, Young Lord Jin.” You said solemnly, your head downcast as he turned back around.

He nervously shuffled in place, holding a hand out to you. “Shall we?” He ushered, and you took it gingerly, feeling his warm, big hand, engulf your smaller, colder one as the two of you began to sprint down the tunnel.

You were beginning to run out of breath, panting as you tried your best to keep up with him; but the fact of the matter was you had been confined to a dungeon prison cell for nearly a year in preparation for your escape, you weren’t in the best shape to run this way.

But it wasn’t endless, because at the end of the tunnel was a wall. Jin Zixuan reached up, grabbing onto a small string as he passed it to you.

“If you pull this string, it will remove the pin above your head. The wall will shift open, just enough for you to sneak past... If you continue down the tunnel, it will let you out just outside of the city.” He said, his face alight with the torches next to him. He seemed... nervous, but not because of the big risk he was taking by busting you out.

“I know our time is almost up... but may I please be frank with you if only for a moment, Cultivator (Y/N)?” Your eyes were hopeful as you looked up at him, “of course.”

“We have spent quite a lot of time together over the months, and while I know it is very much frowned upon given our social statuses as well as my pre-arranged betrothal-”

“Young Lord Jin, please, do not hold back what it is you wish to say.” You cut him off, the anticipation nearly killing you.

He looked down at his hands clasped before him. “I... I have begun to grow a liking to you. An attachment I know is not socially acceptable. Once I become Ruler of the Lanling Jin Sect, your crimes would become nothing more than memory -- but that isn’t for a long, long time-“ He was rambling again, and you reached out a hand to steady his own.

You couldn’t quell the joy in your heart as you asked, “would you wait that long? Would you wait long enough til you were crowned leader to see me again?“ You inquired, and he blinked for a moment, before a big smile broke across his face. “I would.“

With all the courage you could muster, all things considered, you leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. They were soft and pillow-like, and he chased your own lips even as you pulled away, unable to hide your happiness and fondness as you pulled on the string.

“Then I suppose our worries of never seeing each other again are nothing to be thought of then, don’t you, Jin Zixuan?”

And just like that, you were running out to your freedom, chasing the future where you could walk in the sun with Jin Zixuan.

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#jin zixuan #the untamed jin zixuan #the untamed #mdzs #mdzs reader insert

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kamaria-sweet-writes · 3 years

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Mermay prompt (Laiken) Part 3

**Laiken**

I’d been standing there for pretty close to 20 minutes as he continued his tirade. I was inconsiderate, uncaring and most of all I was a horrible daughter for putting him through what I did. It didn’t matter that I’d traveled nearly 14 hours to get where I was. All he cared about was that he wasn’t the first priority after I’d landed. “Are you listening to me, Laiken Skye?”

I groaned at the utterance of my middle name which only spurred him on more.

“I knew I should’ve let you leave. You’ve been there for what, a few hours and already you’re acting like your mother. Like you’re too good for me.” I braced myself for his tongue lashing. He only brought up mom when he was pissed off. “Don’t forget that she dropped you like day old garbage just the same as me, Princess.” he spewed venom at me over the phone line “She will toss you aside again and then you’ll have to come home to me.” I cringed at the thought of going back home. Of staying in that house with him for the rest of my life.

Tears were streaming down my face not because of him yelling at me but because I was letting him do it. Here I was 3,500 miles away from him yet I’m still afraid as if he was standing in front of me.

I took a deep breath before pulling the device from my ear and hanging up on him mid sentence. I turned off the phone for good measure because I knew he would be calling me back and I didn’t know if I had the strength to deny his calls after he would deploy his tactics. They would always reel me back in. Not this time though. Thankfully enough he wouldn’t dare try something so nefarious on someone else’s phone. He didn’t want his precious reputation besmirched by something so odious.

I stood there trying to will the tears away but I was left standing on the deck weepy eyed. Who does this to their children? What made him think this was ok on any level? I sniffled and a tissue was thrust in my direction making me jump in response. How hadn’t I known that some came out here?

I took the tissue and dabbed at my eyes before dealing with my nose. “Are you ok?” His voice wrapped around me again just like the first time I’d heard it. “You’ve been crying.” I winced as the pad of his thumb made contact with my cheek where he’d wiped a rougue tear away. “I’ll not hurt you, Laiken.”

Crazy to say, but I believed what he’d said. “Thank you.” He just nodded before joining me at the railing that skirted the whole home. We stood there in comfortable silence for some time listening to the water crashing around us before making our way back into the cottage where the party was still in full swing.

“Come on.” He slid his hand onto the small of my back before ushering me through the house straight to the restroom “Clean up, I’ll wait here till you finish.” I blushed but complied, cleaning up my tear streaked face and pinning my hair back in place before heading back out to the waiting guests. True to his word Taine was waiting right outside the door for me. His smile was something you’d dream about and it elicited one from me in response. “Barnabus is looking for you, I’ll take you to him.” His shift in attitude could be sensed but I said nothing about it. It’s like he’s almost irritated but… not with me.

Again his hand was laid on the small of my back as he ushered me forward. It’s silly to feel grounded with someone you don’t know, right? My mind was sent a flutter feeling the warmth of his palm pressed against such an intimate area though. I stole glances when I could but his eyes stayed forward and his smile was all but gone. What happened?

Even with my mind elsewhere I didn’t miss the way everyone was looking at us including my mother. The attention was really starting to get to me but just when I thought I’d lose it I was placed in front of Barnabus and the hand that was planted on the small of my back promptly left my form leaving me wanting it back where it was. “Sparrow, let’s go talk.” We walked away leaving Taine where he stood. “This is a lot, tell me how you’re doing? I heard you were crying on the deck.” I sighed before telling him just what happened. “Ahh, I thought it was Taine that upset you. I’ll need to apologize when we get back inside.” I let out the most unladylike chortle in the history of chortles before kissing his cheek.

“Da, he’s just getting to be too much. Living with him is nightmarish and I’m sure you know just what I mean.” He nodded before pressing his own kiss to my temple. There was no way he was able to ignore the way my father treated my mother over the years especially when it came to her seeing me. To say he was holding a grudge would be a gross understatement.

“I know but let’s not focus on him tonight. There are still people in there vying for your attention and wanting to get to know you.” I watched a slow smile cross his face as he took in my dress. “This suits you.” He spun me around and I giggled. This is something you do with your toddler, not your fully grown daughter but he didn’t care. “I am so happy to have you home, My Sparrow.” Home. How I wished somewhere so beautiful could be my home.

“Stop keeping her to yourself, Love. She’s here for 2 weeks so how about you share her tonight?” Mom and her flair for the dramatic. We’d only been on the deck for a few minutes but according to her, it’s like we have been out here all night.

I watched as he advanced on her before planting a kiss on her lips declaring his love like he always did. I wanted that. Wanted what they had with one another but who would put up with someone so damaged?

I followed behind the pair into the house breaking away from them when I found a group of women to chat with. They didn’t look much older than I was so I figured this was as good a place as any to start my night in. Lots of gossip about some other clan and their Chieftain flitted about but all I did was sip my drink and nod along until I found a place in the conversation to leave respectively. Their chatter left much to be desired and I found myself surfing the room in search of some type of engaging conversation.

“Not having fun?” Taine. I looked up at him and shook my head. I felt out of place like I always had. I didn’t know anything about life here or how the social structure worked so I was just a wall flower all over again. I didn’t want that for myself anymore. “Wanna get outta here? I know this place down by the water where we can watch the moon rise.” Tempting, but my mother wanted me here where I could talk to our Clan.

I looked around the room trying to gauge whether or not I could actually sneak out but I found her watching me from the corner of the room. Creepy. “She would kill me if I left this little get together” I pointed to where she was standing “but I will take a raincheck.”

We ended up moving around the room together for the rest of the night. Where I was Taine stood right next to me if not right behind. I found my in when the conversation shifted into one about the environment. That I could work with and I did for the next few hours.

Who knew being social could zap your energy reserves like that? I didn’t. I tried in vain to will the sleepiness away but nothing helped. I was in a near perpetual state of yawning when I was lead away from the conversation. I listened as Taine excused the both of us and deep down I was thankful for it. I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to last in the state I was in.

I was transferred from one set of arms to another before I was escorted up the stairs to my bedroom. I stripped off my dress before washing my face and climbing into bed. My head hit the pillow and sleep took me quickly.

There were no nightmares to speak of. This time I was greeted by the sweet embrace of another. Large, warm and rumbly my companion was. “I’ve been waiting for you, Laiken .” A soft caress against my cheek followed by a warm chuckle. “Sleep now, nothing will harm you while you’re in my arms.” I believed him, whoever he was and for the second time in moments I’d drifted off.

**Taine**

I made it all of 15 minutes of waiting for Laiken to walk back through the door before leaving Barnabus with the rest of his family. At first I was just gonna wait at the door but when I heard the crying I had to go make sure she was ok. Why I all of a sudden felt this need to go to her I would never know but it wasn’t something I could just ignore. Just like the sudden pull I felt when I laid eyes on her, this time was no different.

I stepped out onto the deck, sure to close the door behind me quietly. There she stood against the railing wiping furiously at her face trying to stifle the tears that still demanded to be let loose. I offered her a tissue. Albeit a little roughly since I was trying to control my own irritation at the situation. “Are you ok?” I watched her dab at her eyes before unceremoniously blowing her nose into the wad of paper. She didn’t say anything, just stood there looking worn out.

When a rogue tear slipped from her eye unexpectedly I stepped into her space catching it with the pad of my thumb. Soft. Her skin was so soft but when she winced I crumbled a bit inside. “I’ll not hurt you, Laiken” I speak the deepest truth I’d dared ever to to speak. I wouldn’t hurt her. Not if I could help it.

She seemed to relax a bit and I was able to just stand out there with her listening to the waves crash the beach. I didn’t want to break these moments of peace for her but there were people inside waiting to get some time with her. I looked at her face before we walked inside and figured she’d want to clean up before meeting some of these people for the first time. I lead her to the restroom and let her know I’d be waiting for her once she came out.

I wasn’t the only one that noticed her face and I was rushed by an angry Barnabus “What happened?” He didn’t even give me the chance to respond before starting again “I leave you to court her and I find her crying not even 30 minutes later? Did I make the wrong decision? Maybe I should’ve gone with one of the others you mentioned.” He threw his arms up before turning away from me “Bring her to me once she’s out of there.” And with that he walked away from me leaving me pissed. If he would’ve given me the chance to explain he would know I had nothing to do with her crying.

She came out looking like the episode never happened in the first place. I smiled and got one in response before remembering Barnabus and his little request. “Barnabus is looking for you, I’ll take you to him.” I tried to hide the irritation in my tone but watching her reaction I can tell I’d failed at that. Instead of trying to explain myself I just led her to where Barnabus was waiting to talk to her. I didn’t miss the way her body shivered at my touch nor the glances she kept throwing over her shoulder but I needed to get her to the Chieftain. I didn’t want any more misunderstandings where Laiken was involved.

I watched him walk away with her no doubt getting ready to interrogate her to find out just what I’d done to her to make her cry. I hope he feels like shit when he realizes I had nothing to do with it.

Having no one else to converse with, I pulled out my phone to make sure all was well within our territory. There was a report of Eion on the island but that wasn’t abnormal considering he ran tourists around the beaches in hopes of them meeting real selkies. It was ridiculous but the money was good and he didn’t make issues for us so he was fine to be here as long as his father stayed at the harbor.

My eyes drifted to the door when it was opened and she drifted through behind her parents. She really was beautiful and that dress just framed her perfectly. My eyes followed her as she tried to find a place to belong. That lasted all of a few minutes before she left to fill her drink yet again. “Not having fun?” She shook her head before looking down into the red liquid in her cup, swishing it around as she did “Wanna get outta here? I know this place down by the water where we can watch the moon rise.” Her head snood to the side where her mother was seated watching us like a lion would watch a gazelle. Why is she so intense?

“She would kill me if I left this little get together” she pointed to Danae and I sighed in defeat “but I will take a raincheck.” That just made the whole night better. I wasn’t sure before but after everything else I’m pretty sure she feels something.

I spent the rest of the night being close to her as we moved around the house. She introduced herself then did the same for me like everyone there didn’t know me already but I said nothing about it. She was adorable and I was basking in it while I could. I had to make a show of dominance when one of Barnabus’ nephews tried to make a move. I quietly put him in his place with a well placed hand on Laiken’s hip and a not so subtle glance into her eyes as she smiled up at me. Oh yeah, she feels something alright. The connection was there and I silently cheered in my head as I watched her blossom when the conversation shifted into something about our environment here.

Hours passed and I watched her yawn more and more frequently until she was just about swaying on her feet. She wanted to stay engaged in the conversation but I excused us both before leading her away from the group in search of Barnabus. “I’ll take her. Thank you for keeping her company, Taine. I am sure Barnabus is on the deck likely talking to his brothers. I know he wanted to have a word before you left tonight.” I nodded in acknowledgment before placing a kiss on Laiken’s hand.

Her sleepy smile was just as good as when she was full on beaming. I wanted to witness all her smiles. “Sleep well, Laiken. My number is in your phone should you want to get in touch.” She hmm’d in response before she was lead up the stairs. I would never have guessed that I would find my mate, let alone her being the Chieftains daughter. Mates were all but legend amongst our people these days. Denying her would’ve been the biggest regret of my life.

I’d stayed behind to help clean up the mess and rearrange the furniture if needed. Even with the guest of honor tucked into her bed conversations were still being had amongst the other guests. Around 1am Barnabus started showing people the door and I was only too glad to help in shooing the last couple of people out of the house.

I knew it’d been a while since I’d seen Danae and chuckled when I found her sprawled on the couch still holding a bottle of wine. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this. “You wouldn’t believe how stressed out she’s been.” I turned to look up at my Chieftain. He was picking up his mate. “She’s been planning this for what seems like forever. There were hiccups along the way but I’d say it turned out pretty good.” I nodded in agreement before picking up a few cups.

I’d had just about everything taken care of when he tapped my shoulder. “Forgive me for my temper. I- I just want good memories for her here and I got so caught up thinking you’d fudged that up. I’ll try to refrain from doing it again.” He pulled me into a hug, patting me hard against my back.

“Think nothing of it. I’ll be heading home now if there’s nothing left to be done.” I waited for a beat before heading toward the door “Thank you for trusting me with Laiken. She’s amazing” he just smiled and nodded in agreement.

I left his house heading straight for mine. I grabbed my pelt and headed back out straight for the beach. The water had been calling me for a while and I needed to feel it against my skin. I tucked my pelt around me willing the shift. Safely cocooned I moved toward the ocean diving in soon as I had the ability to.

After some time I pulled myself onto a large rock where I could bathe in the moonbeams combing from the full moon above. How I wished I was able to bring Laiken here to witness this. No matter, she will see it soon enough.

Having remembered about the early morning I had ahead of myself I cut my swim short and made my way home. I looked around the small cottage once I was inside and started thinking of all the ways I could improve it, expand it and make something Laiken would be proud of me for. I felt like a lovesick pup but I was fine with it.

I showered before climbing into bed. I must’ve been more tired than I realized because I dozed with the phone in my hand, right after shooting off a text to Laiken.

The next 2 days were pretty routine outside of me making time to spend with Laiken. We’d done a few things like going out to lunch or grabbing ice cream after the dinner Danae had invited me to. I wanted to spend all my extra time with her but that might not bode well seeing as she doesn’t understand our customs.

“Laiken.” She looked up at me smiling nodding for me to go on “Now that you’ve been here a few days how are you liking it here?” She finished chewing the candy in her mouth.

“I love it. Albeit I haven’t seen it all though the things I have seen are beautiful. I could see myself moving here.” That made me happy. “I’d just need to find a place to live. I could live here but there’s only so much hanky panky I can handle when it comes to hearing my mom and Barnabus doing it.”

She made a gagging sound and I couldn’t help the chuckle that spilled out of me. “I get it. I have an extra room if ever you want to get away for a night or so. No expectations. I just want you to know you have options.” She nodded before turning back to the pie she was making. “Alright so, why is it called a cobbler instead of a pie?” She looked at me before shaking her head in exhaustion. I knew why but I loved the way she explained things to me.

“Taine, are you kidding me? I’m pretty sure we’ve gone over this.” I shrugged and she smiled knowingly before she went over the differences. Again. I hung off of her words and watched her mouth as she spoke. I loved the way her teeth would sink into her plump bottom lip when she was to think about her word choice. “Are you even listening to me?” I nodded before looking up into her eyes. I reiterated what she’d taught me, making her smile even bigger.

Dinner was served and dessert not long afterward. The meal was made by Laiken and I and it was delicious. I lingered around the cottage for longer than normal this time because I’d be gone for the next couple days for work. Barnabus had been tucked away with Danae while Laiken and I watched a movie.

“When I come back home from the outing would you fancy a proper date with me?” She looked so surprised I almost laughed but that would’ve been bad. “You can say no if you’re not interested.” She shook her head before speaking.

“I’d actually like that a lot. I just didn’t think someone like you would want someone like me.” Has she really not picked up on my flirty texts and touches? “We will settle plans once you’re home. I’m getting sleepy so I should walk you to the door.” And she did.

I made my way home where I sat thinking about why she’d possibly think so little about herself. She’s smart and gorgeous. Perfect in my book. Perfect and mine.

**Eion**

It had been days since I’d seen her on the ferry and I was starting to give up hope until she climbed aboard yet again. She wasn’t carrying luggage, just a small backpack on her back. I watched her as she sat alone looking out over the water. How bad I wanted to just talk to her but I can’t risk it. What if I stammer? Will she ridicule me?

No, she doesn’t seem the type to do that yet here I am still scared shitless. “Eion, get up here and help man the vessel.” I took another glance before turning to head back toward the navigation area. She was watching me. Our eyes locked and my stomach flipped. “Eion, get up here!” I grumbled before heading up to where my father was.

He was likely hungover after drinking well into the night. He did this far too much. I took charge of the vessel while he went about spewing his guts out in our private restroom.

I missed my chance to speak to her this time but I did notice the bow she wore in her hair. It looked like Tartan but I’d only seen one like it. Barnabus’ clan wore something spot on and that made me wonder just who she was. Perhaps I’ll get my chance to ask when she boards to head home?

I continued ferrying people back and forth from the mainland keeping an eye out for that beautiful woman. It wasn’t until late in the day that she’d stepped aboard and she was weighed down by her trip. “W-would you like a hand?” Her eyes met mine before a smile tore across her beautiful face. She had the cutest dimples that adorned her freckled cheeks.

“Yes please.” She extended her hand and I took the bags from her, depositing them next to where she’d sat. “Thank you” it was my turn to smile and I knew I resembled a loon.

I started to take my leave only to be stopped by her touch. “You’re Eion right?” I nodded “I’m Laiken, It’s nice to meet you.” If she isn’t the sweetest thing.

“Nice t-to meet you, Laiken. I should be goin’ this boat won’t navigate itself.” She chuckled before nodding in acknowledgment. Her laugh was like a breath of fresh air after being cooped up for days on end. I loved it.

The vessel started moving and I made my way to the navigation area where my father had taken control. “I have it from here. Find something to keep yourself busy.”

At his dismissal I went back to sit with Laiken. Laiken. Her name tasted amazing on my tongue and caused a smile to break out on my face. I hadn’t even noticed I was standing in front of her until she started giggling “You ok up there?” She queried looking up into my face.

I rubbed the back of my head nervously getting my fingers caught in the locks. “Yeah, I just wanted to know if you were interested in taking a tour.” She quirked a brow before shaking her head. Rejection.

“Not a Selkie tour but maybe... one of the islands?” She smiled up at me and rested her hands in her lap. “I’d like that a lot actually now that I think about it. Would you happen to be up for that kind of tour? I can of course pay you for your time.” Pay me? Just her spending time with me was more than enough payment for anything she wanted to do.

We were getting close to docking so I didn't have much time left. “You need not pay me, Laiken. I w-would be honored to take you on a t-tour of wherever you choose.” she nodded before pulling her phone out and handing it to me.

“Put your info in there so we can plan this out. I will call or text you tomorrow so we can start.” she was beaming “My mom is gonna be so excited when I tell her about this.” she was practically bouncing in her seat.

Again I noticed the tartan that was in her hair. Who is her Ma’? Before i could think to ask i was being summoned to the back of the ferry to prep for docking. “I gotta go.” i looked down at her sheepishly before turning on my heel and rushing toward where I needed to be. I smiled when I heard her call after me.

“I’ll see you soon, Eion.” her voice carried a subtle lilt to it making her sound almost playful. I loved it, I wanted to listen to her speak all day and night but right now I have to focus.

I ended up having to take care of a leak below deck and missed seeing her leave the ferry but I clutched my phone in my pocket remembering that I had an in now. “Best you stay away from that human, Boy.” I turned around and glared at my father. “Mark my words, that one is gonna be trouble.” I would never. According to him all humans are “Trouble” . Why would Laiken be any different?

#mermay2021 #exophilia creators #selkie boyfriend #selkie x human #poc #interracial #my wriitng #dont steal my shit #sorry its late #part3

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