#i am unloveable

[hatred-rage-and-repression]

People abandoning me just reinforces my belief that I only deserve the worst of the worst. Who am I to have boundaries after all? If someone gives me an ounce of attention, and affection, I will worship the ground they step on; that's who I am. Miserable loser.

#i am unloveable #self loathing #i am stupid #self hate #depression #self hatred #depressed #autistic #autism #stress #stressed #anxiety #anxious #cptsd #traumatised #traumatized #childhood trauma #mother issues #father issues #i hate my family #i hate my body #i hate everything #i hate this #i hate it here #dysfunctional household #abusive family #narcissistic abuse #schizoid #szpd #paranoid

[desideriumorsa]

I want someone to brush a tear away from my cheek,

Like I am loved,

Somehow, by somebody,

Even if it is a lie.

#poetry #poem #quotes #dark academia #writing #typography #words #writingblr #love #life #sad poetry #life poetry #life poems #lonely #lonely poetry #no friends #i have no friends #unloveable #i am unloveable

[v4mporino]

sometimes i think that if i had a bf thay like loved me i would be complete

#gay #t4t mlm #ftm mlm #transmasc #transgender #mlm love #boyfriend #mlm blog #i am unloveable

[bpdcodone]

I’m close to relapse

I’ve been so depersonalized it’s killing me this is the worst month for my PTSD and BPD

#cluster b #system #bpd vent #ptsd vent #bpd life #vent #relapse tw #cw relapse #borderline things #opioid use disorder #im drunk #getting drunk #i am going insane #i am unkillable #I am unloveable #i am drunk

[cryptid-on-a-string]

I’ve never thought of myself realistically as someone who could ever be able to be loved

#Vent #i am unloveable

[roastedinmarch]

i’m so tired of not passing

#i don’t think i’ll ever pass i’m completely losing hope #i have such a feminine face i will always look like a woman #a woman with a beard if i start t #i am unloveable #he speaks

[dragondawdles]

Sp did you ever figure out what was up witht he noodle dragon?

oh anon I'm ill about it

#totk spoilers #<-(for real this time wow!) #totk #light dragon #the light dragon #totk light dragon #link #link totk #loz #tloz #zelda #id in alt #dragon doodles #dragon answers #anonymous #do not worry about spoiling me I have very beaten this game LOL I am mostly worried about spoiling anyone else that's why I get to be coy #bit more spoilery thought: playing this I was like INVESTED in the story I was going to save zelda REGARDLESS of the script I was DETERMINE #think link would very much feel much the same way. hand in unlovable hand but like in the opposite direction if that makes sense #anywho. wyrm my friend wyrm I like to see my friend passing by

[lucidloving]

Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena // Clarice Lispector, Água Viva / The Stream of Life (trans. Elizabeth Lowe) // @inanotherunivrse // Natsuki Takaya, Fruit's Basket // I Know It's Over— The Smiths // Nikki Giovanni, The Collected Poetry // Franz Kafka, Letters to Felice

#theme: unlovable #theme: i am not the type of person you fall in love with #web weaving #webs #aesthetic #art #poetry #prose #prose poetry #song lyrics #collage #love #shame #literature #franz kafka #fruits basket

[anachronistic-falsehood]

every time i think about how qpac and qmike grew up in an orphanage together with no one to rely on but each other i want 2 break down sobbing. what do u MEAN they were alone what do u MEAN they were just children who had to take care of each other!!! do u ever think about how pac was two years older than mike and part of the reason he's so protective and self sacrificial when it comes to his family is probably because he grew up trying to take care of mike in their younger years and probably has some form of eldest daughter syndrome. do u ever think about how mike probably tried to make up for that by being the more abrasive one and standing up for pac when pac was just going to roll over and take whatever people did to him just to keep mike safe and no matter what they did it got them into trouble anyway. do u ever think about how for the longest time they only had each other. i'm going 2 eat plywood

#qsmp #Q!TAZERCRAFT UR EVERYTHING TO ME #imagining them as teenagers running away from their orphanage and stealing shit hand in unlovable hand waaghghgwaough ;-; #they were just kids THEY WERE JUST KIDS #qtazercraft my beloved i am going 2 scream #sorry this isn't relevant to any streams rn but i am having a think about them

[bowenoke]

i thought this was the worst thing in the world to find when going to an author's page after reading a work i enjoyed

but absolutely nothing could've possibly prepared me for the sheer terror of

#like. this is it. this is what they mean by cosmic horror #like i am an ant looking at an unloving god and realizing i will never see this again. i will never comprehend this. #not dropping the author though bc there's also some content that incites more mundane horror and we try to keep it family friendly here

[corffee]

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐘 #𝟐𝟑: 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑

#‘‘I could fix him’’ well I am drowning. there is no sign of land. and hes coming down with me. hand in unlovable hand #marinermay #sonadow #captain shadow #pirate sonic #swashbuckling duo #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic the hedghog fanart #shadow the hedgehog fanart #sonadow fanart #sonic #sonic fanart #sth #sth fanart #digital art

[desideriumorsa]

How to live with being unloveable?

#poetry #poem #quotes #dark academia #writing #typography #words #writingblr #love #life #writing blog #writers blog #i am unloveable #unloveable #nobody loves me #depression #anxiety #depression poetry #depression poems

[emotionallyvoidformymascara]

I feel like a chore to you, something you have to put effort into but really don't want to, an obligation

#mine #im unloveable #unloved #mood #grunge #unwanted #unloveable #all alone #i am alone #im tired #tw depressing thoughts #depressing thoughts #depression

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

The Spider And Her Demons

YA Australian urban fantasy/horror

about a Malaysian-Chinese girl who’s half spider-demon, just trying to keep her head down and survive high school

when she accidentally kills and eats a man in front of the most popular girl at school, they strike up a strange friendship and she starts to learn more about herself and the supernatural world

aroacespec/sapphic ish

#The Spider And Her Demons #Sydney Khoo #loveozya #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #you give me a teenage girl with giant hair spider legs who scuttles across her bedroom wall on page 3 #and then eats a man and i am already sold. #also aus books are always so familiar compared to US books :) #and yes sexuality stuff is ambiguous but basically: a bunch of discussion on relationship hierachies (ie friendship equally/more important) #themes of feeling unlovable bc you're different and different forms of love #multiple times the MC says she has no interest in dating or relationships and also is touch (and maybe sex) repulsed #- but of course that Also has to do with the whole Being A Monster thing #and it definitely shows some kind of attraction to dior - ie looking at her lips/bare skin; blushing; etc #and ends on sort of hand kiss / 'is this something??' vibes #I asked the author and they said they see them as QPR / platonic soulmates but are not at the point where they would know what to call it #which makes total sense to me! #the part of me who wants more obvious aroace YA wishes it was a little more specific #but also I DO love ambiguity and I think it wouldn't be true to the characters #who are clearly not even ready to start figuring that stuff out. #and also. aroacespec sapphics is like. also something i want #also like. I think it's reductive to assume just because 'looks at lips' is a common allo attraction trope....doesn't necessarily mean #it has to be that. yknow. #anyway. i loved it a lot. #gross spidergirl (affectionate)...... #also dior is such an interesting and complex character. like another book could have made her nicer or less fucked up

[hatred-rage-and-repression]

Deep down I wanna be worse because I deserve it... I don't wanna be happy, safe, or loved. They are such alienated feelings to me... I deserve to live a life full of misery, because I am evil.

#self hatred #self hate #self loathing #depressive #depression #paranoia #paranoid #unlovable #i feel so unloveable #i hate myself #i am stupid #mother wound #i am disgusting #cptsd #trauma #coping #traumatised #traumatized #dysfunctional family #dysfunctional household #narcissistic abuse #mother issues #father issues #father wound #emotional abuse #physical abuse #psychological abuse #neglect #childhood trauma #personal

[janthewriter]

I Am Tired

I am tired of feeling unloved.

I do not think anybody could ever love an unusual creature of perpetual habit like me. Only can they become intrigued with fascination of the unknown. Digging and prodding, only to yield no answers, fueling their anger until they move on to next best thing of existence, one that will gift them with the satisfaction they do hungrily desire.

I am tired of feeling this way.

My mind takes me to the dungeons of a Victorian castle in some frightful place unknown. Even the moonlight raises no hope against this stand of darkness within. I can never seem to escape the shackles. I must free myself. I must free my brain from it’s cranium. And then maybe I will finally be set free at last.

I am tired of the hollow emptiness.

It almost feels as if there is nobody else out here in this void of darkness. I call out, echoes of silence are my only answer in return. I turn mute. Only to match the peaceful, yet painful silence, that I am forever engulfed in.

I am tired of feeling trapped.

I wish I could free myself from this labyrinth, that I somehow found myself stumbling into. The birdcage in my chest that encloses a beautiful bluejay, feels punctured with every breath, being poked and prodded for amusement.

I am tired of breathing.

I breath, just for the oxygen to be sucked out of my lungs through the mouth of a lover, into the infinite space unknown. It is pointless, I shall take shallow breaths until my breathing diminishes altogether; this way it can never be stolen at the hands of a thief needy for more, again.

I am tired of seeing the good.

It becomes painfully hard to see the good, when I can only feel the bad. My eyes are the most diligent. They never fail at accomplishing to deceive me with enticements that are almost up for no refusal. I know better to believe the sweet lies that my eyes show me, telling me all is well. Almost nothing in this world is.

I am tired of fighting.

I am strong and indestructible, until I am not. I become so weak and fragile that with every step I take, my bones creak, revealing my hand of vulnerability. My armor has become too heavy, my arms to weak. Tears cascade down the calming silver onto the battle ground. Fighting has become pointless. It is not in my favor. But someone must win the battle. This war must end eventually.

I am tired of only being seen externally.

My body has nothing left to give. I have ripped every organ out with my bare hands, just to serve them on a silver platter to the greedy. I have given almost everything away, but no one has accepted my heart yet. Seek pity on me and just take what’s left of my heart and make it yours.

I am tired of this torturous day to day life.

A good day only seems to stare at me with wide eyes, extending it’s hand. I reach out in acceptance, thinking greatness is to be bestowed upon me, at last. I am deceived into receiving the small left over bread crumbs called inconvenience. I watch as the the latter is passed on to the next one in line awaiting the opportunity of delight.

I can’t do this much longer.

I am just really really tired.

~Jan

#tired #im so tired #mentally tired #im tired #i'm tired #i am tired #im sad and tired #im just tired #unlovable #unloved #emptiness #i feel empty #no thoughts head empty #emptycore #empty thoughts #writer academia #classical academia #chaotic academia #dark academia #amwriting #aspiring author #classic literature #creative writing #english literature #new writers on tumblr #poem #poetry #tumblr writers #writeblr #writers and poets