Part 6 of incorrect les mis
Some or these may have been done.
Grantaire: I will not let a technicality stop me.
Joly: Techni- you mean the law?
Grantaire: Yes I hate that word.
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Bahorel: I asked Feuilly out.
Montparnasse: Oh, I'm sorry.
Bahorel: Why?
Montparnasse: Well, I assume he said no.
Bahorel: No, he said yes.
Montparnasse: Really? Then I'm sorry for him.
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Courfeyrac: Gay as fuck to be a angry politician. What are you mad about? Men? Are you just crazy about men?
Grantaire: I hear that politics is a man dominated field. Is that what you want? To be dominated by other men?
Enjolras: *confused* I beg your pardon????
Grantaire: *holding out a Bouquet of flowers* what's not clicking?
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Jehan: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it, 'What were you thinking?'
Feuilly: Funny, 'cause I was just going to go across the hall and write that on Montparnasse.
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Courfeyrac to Combeferre: I don't know how many times I have to say this. Do not like a picture of my ass on Instagram if you don't want me in your DMs telling you to spank it, all right? Just don't do it.
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Fantine: Javert, you and Valjean did not do it. And while I applaud your misguided efforts to make me jealous, I have work to do. So... leave.
Javert: I don't care about making you jealous. I just care about pleasing your fella.
Fantine: Valjean is not "my fella".
Javert: *smirks* And how!
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Eponine: I've kinda of had this uh, this crush on you. But since you were with Marius, I-I didn't do anything about it. But, now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So-so that's-that's what I'm doing, now.
*Marius gets this hurt expression on his face and goes into the back room*
Cosette: Wow! Umm....
*A loud crash and the sound of breaking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash, Marius emerges with everyone looking at him*
Marius: I dropped a cup.
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*Grantaire stops Combeferre*
Grantaire: Oh, Combeferre, I saw what happened. Is your boyfriend okay?
Combeferre: *stops short, looks at him* My boyfriend?!
Grantaire: Yeah, th-th-the loud little friendly one you're always hanging around with...oh, uh, Courfeyrac.
Combeferre: He's not my boyfriend.
Grantaire: Are you sure...?
Combeferre: Yes, I'm sure. I don't like him. He's shallow and loud, talkative. He's everything that I hate.
Grantaire: But Combeferre, you hate everything.
Combeferre: What's that supposed to mean?
Grantaire: Well, it means that... that maybe you like him cause... *sings* I kinda think you dooo.
Combeferre: No! How could I like him. Because I don't like him! Because I can't like him! Grantaire, if I like him.... shoot me.
Grantaire: *turns to him and makes a finger gun* POW!!
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Grantaire to Enjolras: You'll figure out what to do Apollo, you have great instincts. You have a great butt too, but that's a whole other thing.
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Bossuet, drunkingly confronting Musichetta: Hey you! Musichetta is it? Yeah. I don't know where you're from. But I'll have you know, I am the catch of Paris.
Joly: That's true. That's how he signed my yearbook.
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Marius: Okay, remember, workout time tomorrow is 6:30. So get some rest. Or do what I do: lie awake and listen to your roommate do stuff with your other roommate on the other side of the wall.
*Everyone stares at Eponine and Cosette*
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Joly, putting a hand on Bossuet's forehead: God, you're hot...
Bossuet: So are you.
Joly: With a fever.
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Courfeyrac: We don't have to do nothing *looks around* nothing big was taken, probably some kids having fun.
Enjolras: Fun?
Courfeyrac: Yeah, you know, fun... that thing you've never had.
Enjolras: I have plenty of fun, okay *walks over to Grantaire and smiles* I'm fun, right?
Grantaire, looking Enjolras up and down: You're good lookin!
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Eponine: Anyway, I was wondering if, you were the sort of person who... eats lunch.
Cosette: Are you asking me out? 'Cause it would be kinda weird since I just broke up with Marius.
Eponine: Yeah uh... okay. I'm-I'm sorry. Bye.
Cosette: No! Wait! I was just saying that so you'd think I was a good person. Fight for me.
Eponine: Uhh, I won't take no for an answer.
Cosette: Not great, but we can work on it at lunch.
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*The other cops walking in on Javert packing up night vision goggles*
Javert: Oh man, I gotta go to the bench in town. I'm late to stalk Valjean.
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Courfeyrac: So what, we just sit?
Combeferre: Ohh, no, no. We're not going to just sit. *calls Marius* Shhh.
Marius, answering the phone: Hello, Marius Pontmercy.
Combeferre, in a high pitched female voice; Hello Mr. Pontmercy... I love you.
Marius, angrily: Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! *Les Amis silently laughing* It's been six months! It's not funny!
Combeferre: But, I love you.
Marius: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!!
*Combeferre hangs up*
Combeferre: And that's Wednesday.
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Feuilly: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get--is that a hickey?
Jehan: No, I just, I fell down.
Feuilly: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey?
*Bahorel high fives Montparnasse*
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*Marius tries to enter the Cafe back room that has a voice command*
Marius: Marius.
Computer: Access denied.
Marius: Pontmercy.
Computer: Access denied.
Marius: Nostrils.
Computer: Access Denied.
Marius: *grumbles* Napoleon's Bitch.
Computer: Welcome, mari-quiff.
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Marius: I know I didn't do anything wrong, but where am I gonna find another friend like Courfeyrac?
Eponine: Look, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, okay? It's like when you and Cosette broke up. It was for the best. And after a while, she found someone better. Me. And since then, I've enjoyed throwing that in your face as often as possible. What was your question again?
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*Valjean and Javert hug*
Fantine: Could you cut it out? I gotta go home to an empty apartment.
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*Marius wants to talk to a hidden Cosette*
Marius: Eponine, do you know where she is?
Eponine: 712 Forest Lane, blue house with a little flamingo on the lawn.
Marius: Wow. Stalk much?
Eponine: Yes.
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Part 3 of Incorrect les mis
Bahorel: hey! we are not children.
Valjean: THEN EFFING ACT LIKE IT
Courfeyrac: pfft it can't be that bad, he censored fuck
Grantaire: that's true if he was really mad he would've said fuck
Feuilly: I definitely reserve fuck for when I am angriest
Bahorel: say fuck Valjean
Valjean:
Valjean: you children don't deserve the satisfaction
___________________________
Valjean, walking into the room: what's going on?
Enjolras, standing on Javert's desk:
Combeferre, standing next to Enjolras holding what is obviously Javert's computer to the ceiling:
Courfeyrac, holding two rolls of duct tape:
Enjolras: this doesn't concern you
Valjean: alright then
___________________________
Javert: You know that feeling of disappointment after you wake up in the morning instead of dying in your sleep?
Valjean: No...
Javert: Oh, okay then, nevermind.
Valjean:
Valjean: Oh, so we're just not gonna address that.
___________________________
Courfeyrac: I don't think Enjolras is very happy with you
Grantaire: why do you say this
Courfeyrac, reading the message: "Dear Grantaire, I
hope this message finds you before i do."
___________________________
Javert: Jehan Prouvaire, in my office
Courfeyrac: oh shit Jehan got full named
Eponine: he really just said welcome to your funeral
Grantaire: I've never been happier to be me right now
Prouvaire: this is rock bottom right? I can't make it any worse if I ran right now?
Everyone:
Combeferre: I'll just go ahead and call the coroner now...
___________________________
*Combeferre walks into the room*
Feuilly: I bet you can't fit another one.
Bahorel pushes another mini marshmallow into his mouth which is stuffed with them:
Grantaire, marking down a tally: sixty two marshmallows
Feuilly: I bet you can't fit another one
Bahorel goes to pick up another marshmallow
*Combeferre walks out of the room*
___________________________
Enjolras: ok. who got hurt?
Combeferre: what?
Enjolras: you're smiling like you just saw Marius trip over his own two feet.
Combeferre, giggling: actually- he just slipped- cracked his right hip-and- and broke his wrist
Enjolras, gasping: oh my god! where is he
Combeferre, laughing: i need- i need to go get Joly. he needs- he needs a doctor.
Enjolras: you are a doctor- but I don't trust you with Marius, you might make it worse
Combeferre walking away, laughing: HE CRACKED HIS HIP. WHAT A FUCKING DUMBASS
___________________________
Javert: seriously?
*Joly and Bossuet are standing back to back, protecting Musichetta, Gavroche is standing on a table, Eponine is holding a chair, Combeferre is sitting at is desk holding a file like a tent over his head, Grantaire is under the table with his whine, Enjolras is stuck on top of a bookshelf, Feuilly is throwing fans, Bahorel is attacking Courfeyrac, Prouvaire is on the ground in the fetal position, Marius and Cosette are reading, while Valjean drinking a cup of coffee in the corner. Everyone and everything is covered in silly string*
Javert: even you Valjean? expect this from everyone else but you?
Valjean: it's lonely being the other parent
___________________________
Enjolras, in a jail cell: What about my Miranda rights!? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!
Combeferre, in the cell next to him: You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.
___________________________
Musichetta: Explain it to me again, slowly
Enjolras: The door was locked
Courfeyrac: And we needed to get inside
Grantaire: Because we ran out of snacks
Combeferre: And we knew you'd have some
Musichetta:
Joly: So you scaled our apartment complex to open our kitchen window from the outside for snacks?
The other four: Exactly.
Bossuet: You're all banned from our house
___________________________
Principal: I called your dad
Cosette: Which one?
Principal: Excuse me?
Cosette: Which dad did you call? I have two, and one will be good for me, bad for you. The other will be bad for me, good for you.
Principal: *gulping*
Javert barging into the principals office in his uniform *Cosette smiling*
___________________________
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