#actually is it the platonic tag? I’ve always assumed it was. whatever it is now and I’m still pissed

[presentfuckingmic]

Objectively the funniest description I’ve ever read of an erasermic fic

#it’s even funnier if you read the title #btw I’m not reading erasermic I was looking through the mic & Aizawa tag and well. yeah #fucking allos putting romance in the platonic tag smh #actually is it the platonic tag? I’ve always assumed it was. whatever it is now and I’m still pissed #not actually because this is HILARIOUS but whatever #present mic #hizashi yamada #yamada hizashi #shouta aizawa #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #erasermic #mha #bnha #god I hate erasermic as a ship. like. i get it. I’m just romance repulsed rn. come back when I’m romance neutral and then we can talk #also so many of these r abt Oboro?? like shut up I don’t want angst

[kyofsonder]

Find the Word 3

I’ve been tagged by several people over the last month to find select sets of words in my WIPs. This time, I’ll find a set of words from @crypticcodexcreations, who tagged me awhile back. Thank you for the tag, and the chance to play this game again!

My Words: riveting, important, correct, halt, light

I’ll Tag: @late-to-the-fandom, @writewithfire, @i-can-even-burn-salad, @dumbthunder, @moondust-bard, @junypr-camus, @did-i-do-this-write, and as always anyone who wants to join in can use the following words and say I tagged them!

Your Words: false, side, tension, fade, worth

As always, I’m not sure how long this will get so I’ll put the actual excerpts under this cut.

I didn’t find riveting, so here’s a fun fact:

My current NaNo WIP takes place in a group of worlds collectively known as Ait'kulith, where several deities governing fate/destiny have given humans indicators to help them find their soulmates. On Ait'kulith 1B, that indicator is the voice. Hearing and deafness work normally for all other sounds, but speaking voices can only be heard between people who are connected by fate. You can hear yourself speak or sing, your fated connections speak or sing, and a small number of special exceptions can sing to the whole world but not speak outside their own fate. As a result, signed languages are the default and entertainment has taken on a slightly different form from what it is on an Earth world. For example, movies are usually either signed or "false captioned" – a term that means the actors are speaking their lines, the script comes up as subtitles on screen, and everyone has to suspend disbelief to pretend they can hear words that are actually silent to them. It's a controversial way to shoot a movie, but it's exciting and compelling to those who enjoy its fantastical reality of a world where everyone speaks without any fate-related caveats at all.

I found important in my novel WIP “To Be Honest”:

"The Island," some call him. Apparently, it's an allusion to the way he's supposedly "stranded" between places he could reasonably call home. Loyalty is the most important, the most sacred value of circle witches and it's expected that every witch is strictly loyal to the family who shares their blood. All clairvoyant Renners are loyal to their fellow clairvoyants, consulting each other about their prophecies and making decisions as a family based on the things they've predicted. All empathetically manipulative Shepherds are loyal to their fellow empaths, keeping each other's magic in check so that the family's affairs run smoothly. An empathetically manipulative Renner, following the examples of his elders and peers, should be loyal to... which side?

I found correct in my short story WIP “Kiyo”:

"I didn't mean that," I correct myself with a lie, hearing that heavy feeling in my quiet self-admonition, "You can do whatever you want, Kiyo." I make sure to use her name, too. Whether it's to show her she's seen as more than a supposedly non-sentient plant or to show I'm taking my own words seriously, either way it works. I think. She uncurls some of her vines. Disentangles them from each other. I think it's like a human sighing and letting go of the tension in their shoulders when they hear something reassuring.

I didn’t find halt either, so here’s another fun fact:

In Ait'kulith 1B, it's possible to stop hearing your fated voices. Your romantic soulmate's voice might gradually fade as your relationship deteriorates, your true family's voices might suddenly go silent when fate realizes you're meant to be somewhere else, your platonic soulmate might try to talk to you after years apart and find their voice no longer reaches you. Some say this proves that fate is fallible and shouldn't dictate your life. Others have a more pro-fate stance. Most of those who lose their fated voices just wish it didn't happen at all. In fact, one of the stories in my NaNo follows an orphaned boy who lost the voices of his parents and now assumes any adoptive parent's voice, even if he can hear it, will inevitably fade away – leaving him lost all over again.

I found light in my novel WIP “Apricots”:

"You don't have magic. None of the versions of you I've met have ever had magic. You might have close relationships with magic users -- Jess and Kade and me -- but as far as the Jaspers are concerned you're not a threat. You're not worth looking at, even. You acting unusual is just a human having trouble managing their little human emotions or having their brain fried after being overexposed to magic or whatever those arrogant, 'humans are lesser than us' Jaspers think separates witches from other people. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you need to find Jess! You can save her, and they won't give a single shit! Probably," Noah gently, urgently grabs Ian's left wrist -- his expression like someone lost in the dark, anxious that the light he's chosen to guide him might disappear. Ian doesn't shake him off, just uses his other hand to seal the heat in the mug.

I found fewer words than usual, hopefully my NaNo-based fun facts make up for those gaps. I did have fun finding all the words that were in my WIPs and coming up with fun facts, though, of course. Thank you again for tagging me!

#writing #find the word #sonder stories #sonder snippets #the fun facts added to the delay #I couldn't think of anything for them #then NaNo started #so maybe it's good #that it took me until November to post this #thank you for your patience

[josiecarioca]

About Shafiq’s "crush” on Severus

(Post War headcanon/meta/rambling/whatever this is, because @hayalee8 wanted to know. Also tagging @dragon-cove-719 @snapescapades @hbprincealice and @blxck-cxffee13 )

If you´ve been reading “Post War”, you must have noticed by now that Virgil Shafiq has a very particular type of relationship with Severus. I’ve been calling it an “unresolved crush” for the sake of simplicity, but it’s far more complicated than that.

Virgil Amir Shafiq is the youngest of three sons born to the Pureblood Shafiq family, one of the “Sacred 28″.  His father is the head of the family and inherited the Shafiq’s business of magical gems and stones, his mother improved the family business with her jewelry designs which used the materials’ magical properties to create stunning visual effects. 

In “Post War”,  Shafiq is introduced in chapter 53 like this:

“Virgil had never tasted the bitterness of struggle as a child. He was the youngest of three boys, born to a well-off family of purebloods. His parents were liberal Muslims who were fairly  easygoing in their upbringing. Coming to Hogwarts in the wake of his two older brothers graduating with near perfect scores, Virgil had a metaphorical red carpet laid out in front of him. Every teacher assumed he´d excel in everything just like his brothers had, and only ever showed surprise when he didn´t perform any less than stelarly.

Every teacher except Snape.

The only thing Snape assumed about any student was that they´d be a failure. And it was up to them to prove him wrong. It was the first time Virgil was challenged. Snape had been a very young man then, only 21 years old and in his first year as a teacher. He hadn´t taught any of Virgil´s brothers, so he didn´t compare Virgil to anybody except Virgil himself, and with that he was never pleased, never satisfied. 'Fix your tie, Mr. Shafiq', 'watch the cauldron´s temperature, Mr. Shafiq', 'do it over, Mr. Shafiq'. Praise from other teachers was such a common occurrence it meant close to nothing to him, but Virgil could distinctively remember the first time he got a nod of approval on a potion brewed to perfection from Professor Snape and how much that had meant to him. "Well, done, Mr. Shafiq." “

As a child, Shafiq lived in the shadow of his two older brothers, not exactly  because the was unfavored by his parents and teachers, but because there was a set bar, a level of expectation already set for him, and regardless of how accomplished he was, it was, to some level, taken for granted, because his brothers “did it before”. Shafiq basically didn´t have “room for error”. This led to crippling anxiety about his own performance (be it socially or academically), as he didn´t think he was allowed to make mistakes. That made him very frustrated as his best efforts would always be considered the “baseline” on which he had operate, to the point that his accomplishments went entirely unoticed.

Shafiq’s first year in Hogwarts was also Severus’ first year as a teacher. Severus was only ten years older than Shafiq (a small age difference compared to how much older most other professors were) and he had no expectations when meeting the young boy. In seeking Snape’s approval, Shafiq found a sense of purpose, because that young, snappy, mean teacher was not like everybody else: he didn’t take for granted that Shafiq would be flawless. So Shafiq started to live to impress him. And Severus was impressed. Over the years, Severus made sure to encourage his slytherin students, knowing Slytherin was the house most malignated, the least liked. So he did, in his own way, nurture Shafiq’s talents.

As he grew older, Shafiq started to grapple with his own sexuality. He dated girls, but at the same time felt attracted to boys. His relationship with his best friend, Ravenclaw Leo Levinson, was tinted with shades of romantic attachment, and there were other boys he felt drawn to. At some point he struggled with the question of whether he was gay or not, because while he knew he liked boys, his attraction to girls also felt genuine and correct. He had been attracted to every girl he dated, and didn’t feel like any of those relationships was forced on him in any way, on the contrary, he sought them. Only as an adult did he understand he wasn’t gay, but bisexual. 

In that period of initial confusion about his own identity, he also struggled to make sense of his feelings towards Severus. As a child he admired his teacher. Severus was the only one looking out for Slytherins like Shafiq, he was their head of house, after all. In Shafiq’s eyes Severus also had the confidence, the aplomb the young boy aspired to. Professor Snape was intimidating, respected, and not-to-be-messed-with. Shafiq looked up to him near to the point of hero-worship. But as Shafiq grew older and into his own sexuality, he found there was an element of physical attraction. Shafiq pushed it to the back of his mind, because he felt it was disrespectful, and perhaps he was simply mixing things up. 

However, as an adult Shafiq found himself gravitating towards men who, in some way, were like Severus, whether in temperament or looks. His relationships with men have been mostly disastrous, particularly in comparison with his relationships with women, which tend to be simpler (if somehwat Oedipian). Leo (who’s still very much in love with Shafiq, but has accepted Shafiq only wants him as a friend) is probably the one who best sees how Shafiq’s attractions work: 

He liked his women hyperfeminine, charming, smart. It wasn´t the only thing he liked, but he really did like it. When it came to men, the very few Leo had known of, things got a bit fuzzier. Over the years he had started to notice Virgil gravitate toward the same type...older, unavailable, emotionally distant...and at least a couple of them faintly resembled their former potions master.

Severus, however, is entirely unaware of Shafiq’s feelings for him. Even though Shafiq is nearing 30, whenever Severus looks at him all he sees is a kid. Not just any kid, of course, one of his best students, and one who has and continues to make Severus very proud...but a kid nevertheless. When Shacklebolt offers to provide a “bodyguard” for Evelyn, picked out of the ranks of his best aurors, Severus immediately demands Shafiq for the position. 

Shafiq receives the assignment of protecting Evelyn with mixed feelings. On the one hand he would do anything Severus asked of him, on the other hand the mere idea of Severus having a lover (of any gender) makes him feel weird. In some ways, he idolized Snape to the point of de-sexualizing him, so he felt his own attraction to him was disrespectful. But Evelyn is living evidence of Snape as a sexual being, and that rattles Shafiq to his core.

It all gets complicated in a whole other level when Shafiq meets Evelyn in person. As per Leo’s remarks, Evelyn is exactly Shafiq’s “type” when it comes to women (” He liked his women hyperfeminine, charming, smart. “). And lo and behold, he goes from “who even is this person” to “she’s actually kind of interesting”

Initially, he brushes it off as just finding her good-looking, and that’s that. Shafiq does flirt with women with more ease than he does with men, after all. However, as he starts to become way too attached to Evelyn, who trusts him and cares for him a great deal, he realizes it’s not just that. 

For one, now he can’t push his feelings for Severus aside because Evelyn’s presence established Severus as a sexual being, who can desire and be desired. He’s no longer the professor on a pedestal, safely distant. But being attracted to Evelyn puts in question his feelings for Severus as well: is he really in love with Severus and sees Evelyn is just a sort of “more acceptable/less complicated” proxy? Or are his feelings for Severus merely platonic admiration? In this case his being in love with Evelyn would be a complete betrayal of the man he sees as a mentor. And if he’s not really into her, maybe this supposed attraction for Evelyn is an unconscious attempt to emulate the man he so admires? It could be that there’s something he idealizes about their relationship, this love affair between a wizard and a muggle that has the markings of the type of all-consuming, romantic love story Shafiq has been chasing all his life...

Or maybe, just maybe, you can be in love with two people at once.

Shafiq honestly doesn´t know, which wrecks his emotional stability.

#Snapedom #severus snape #Virgil Shafiq #Virgil being a disaster #evelyn black #complicated feelings are complicated

[ayellowcurtain]

For a slice in the life: could you write something about Sobbe not being together, yet, and sander works at a museum and robbe comes in super late and something happens and they get locked in together?

Robbe walks around the place with no rush even though it’s a little bit dark and he would be scared any other day. He’s feeling a rush he never felt before, he looks over his shoulder and Sander is still there, following, interested in where Robbe is going or if he has any questions Sander can help with the answers.

He shakes his head and laughs under his breath, almost sure Sander can’t hear it. This feels like an outside of the body experience. Like it’s freshly out of a romantic, classic movie.

A storm made him rush inside the first door he ran into, his favorite museum where, by accident, his platonic love works. It’s late, the museum was closed and now he’s stuck inside an art museum, talking to his dream guy who he only watched from afar before this, never even had the guts to say hi, or think about a random art question to start some conversation that wouldn’t sound dumb or too easy to be asked.

Sander looks at him in a way that makes Robbe blush before saying a word, he feels all his body go into overdrive and he can feel Sander is reading right through him. So he doesn’t try to find an excuse. Fuck it. If Sander can read him, at least Robbe won’t have to say what he feels.

“I like working here…”

Robbe jumps with the sudden smooth voice behind him, looking over his shoulder. “What?”

Sander snorts. “That’s a question people often ask me. Thought you would like to ask too.”

Robbe starts walking even slower, looking up to see the light that comes through the high windows right before the loud thunder. Sander catches up, walking next to him.

“Do you make art too? Or to just look and talk about it?” Robbe asks, now even more curious since the awkwardness is slowly being forgotten.

“I like looking at pretty, interesting things, yeah. But I try to make some things too.” Sander shrugs, and Robbe notices a hint of doubt in the way he talks.

“Really? What type?”

“I like drawing, taking pictures...sometimes I spray paint.” Robbe’s heart starts beating even faster. He went to a place to spray paint not too long ago. It felt fun and exhilarating. He’s still not sure if because it was illegal or actually fun. “And you, nameless boy that comes here every week, any interest in arts? I don’t like assuming things but you do come here often so I assume you like some paintings, at least.”

Robbe stutters in his thoughts, only then realizing he never said his name. They just looked at each other and at the storm outside, and Robbe managed to lie like it was something that made sense, saying he was going to look around for a minute and Sander followed him. He knows his name because he uses the tag with it.

“Robbe.” He stops and offers his hand like a dumbass, introducing himself and asking for a handshake five minutes after meeting the boy. Sander looks at his hand and smiles, finally shaking his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Robbe.” He keeps shaking their hands, and Robbe feels like one of them has to break it, to let go but they don’t until they both do a lot later than what a handshake should last.

“Nice to meet you too.”

Robbe closes his hand, hoping that way he can hold the feeling for a second longer. Sander’s hand feels like how an artist's hand would feel, Robbe assumes. It’s nice, the feeling of knowing how it is to hold a boy’s hand, the boy of his dreams.

“So, Robbe, do you like art?”

“I like making videos…”

“Really? Never tried that one.” Sander seems to think about the possibility now that it was mentioned.

Robbe sighs, shaking his head. “It’s a thing I do for myself, nobody knows about it.”

Sander nods his head. “Is it bad if I ask why I am the first? I’m flattered, honestly. I’m very curious though.”

It’s not like Robbe hides it from people. He’s sure his mom and at least Jens and Moyo already saw him filming things for no reason. They don’t ask why or to see what he’s doing so he doesn’t tell them either. Sander is the first one to show any interest.

“Nobody ever asked. So it’s no big deal.”

Sander laughs, walking a little too close. “Well, I was hoping it was a big deal. I was thinking I was important already…”

Robbe looks down, blushing from head to toe, he’s sure. If he was brave enough he would ask why there is so much interest. Nobody is ever that interested in what he’s thinking or what he wants to say. Robbe craves like he can’t even admit. Robbe craves a lot and lets it out very little. He craves affection, interest, attention, love, care.

“You want to be important?” He asks before he can sabotage himself with the constant self-doubt.

Sander moves his head quietly, like he’s not sure what he’s trying to say, if it’s a no head shake or a yes. He finally nods his head.

“It would be nice.”

Robbe smiles without meaning too, his heart beating all over his body, almost making him shake or faint, one of the two.

“I’ve noticed you before...I think you are the person I’ve seen the most since I started working here.”

In the back of his mind, Robbe knew it would be hard to go completely unnoticed. He comes here basically every day he can. He’s not sure if Sander noticed him stealing quick looks whenever he was busy with another visitor. He hopes he didn’t notice that part.

“Is it too much if I ask if the reason why you come here so often is me?”

Robbe laughs nervously because everything he has of shyness, Sander has in his bravery to ask anything so bluntly. But he likes Sander, likes the ideas of him that Robbe created watching him interact with his visitors. If he misses the one opportunity he might have with the boy, Robbe won’t stop hating himself for it. He turns on his heels, contracting every muscle in his body with anxiety.

“If the answer is yes, what will you think?”

“Of you?”

“Generally, I think.” Robbe shakes his head, trying to fix his hair to look better without showing he’s trying.

“I would be happy, generally. You interest me…”

“I do?” Robbe frowns, surprised he would ever interest anyone. Sander nods his head, smiling comfortably.

“You’re cute.” They walk back to the first floor, walking around the empty, long halls, adjusting any bench that might be slightly out of place grabbing some piece of paper an art student might have dropped while taking notes to throw it in the nearest trash.

“Do you have a favorite art piece here?”

Sander nods his head, stopping to sit on one of the benches. “You.”

Robbe blushes, looking down and turning to sit next to him, not too close.

“Are you always this flirty with your visitors?”

Sander snorts, messing up the back of his hair like he’s nervous. Robbe stares to take that in because it doesn’t seem to happen often.

“Sorry. Shit, sorry. I’ll stop, didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Robbe moves to look at him, feeling bad for the over use of apologies because he’s often the one to do it.

“There’s no need to apologize, I’m not uncomfortable because of you.” Robbe digs his short nail against his palm. “I never thought you would flirt with me. But it’s nice.”

Sander frowns like he just said the most absurd thing. Robbe wishes so badly he could film Sander right now, or at least take a picture. He wants to have proof of this moment, of being stuck inside a museum with his platonic crush. Nothing that you save in your memory has this many details, like the thick, dark eyebrows, with the black shirt and tanned skin in contrast with the white hair. He’s a dream, a lot more beautiful than any of the art pieces on the walls.

“It’s funny that you say that because I was nervous to flirt with you. To, hm, try and see what happens because it took me weeks to gather the courage to introduce myself. And you’re here, thinking I would never flirt with you.” He takes a second, trying to understand. “Why?”

“You’re a cool guy, confident and social and smart and into the arts. I’m pretty basic for you.”

Robbe gets up to see the piece on the wall in front of them but he’s seen this one so many times that he doesn’t really stare at it for long, looking at Sander again.

“You think too far ahead. I try to take things minute by minute. I read this somewhere, or watched somewhere and it feels right. Thinking too far in the future gives me too much anxiety. But you don’t seem too basic for me, not now, not ever.”

Robbe taps his feet on the ground, the noises of the rain dying down outside but still being loud enough to make it hard for him to hear his own nervous noises.

“Do you feel like grabbing a coffee? Maybe tomorrow afternoon.”

Sander smiles, looking at him, always feeling like he looks for a second too long but in a good way, feels comforting and not inquisitive.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Where do you study? I can stop by and we can walk to whatever coffee place you like.”

Robbe blushes, already daydreaming about Sander there, waiting for him outside his school for them to go on a date. Everyone might see him, and Robbe won’t know how to explain it. He can already imagine Zoe or Jana rushing to ask about him the next morning.

They exchange phone numbers and Sander offers to show him his second favorite thing in the museum

[bluejayblueskies]

philautia

n. a love based on deep connection to one’s well-being and built upon a love for one’s self; a centered wholeness

Words: 2.3k

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Relationship: Sasha James & Tim Stoker & Martin Blackwood & Jonathan Sims, Past Tim Stoker/Sasha James, Minor Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood

Characters: Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood, Jonathan Sims, Sasha James

Additional Tags: AU - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Humor, Statement Fic (but not in the way you expect!), Aromantic and Asexual Characters, Implied/Referenced Homophobia (very minor), Implied/Referenced Arophobia (also very minor)

Summary:

SASHA

So, according to Tim, I’m supposed to be recording a statement on, quote, my “most swashbucklingest experience as an esteemed member of the LGBT community.” He left this recorder on my desk and stole my scone. Timothy Stoker, I will not forget that.

---

Statements of members of the archival staff at the Magnus Institute, London, regarding certain facets of their aspec identities. Statements compiled by Timothy Stoker on 10th June, 2016. For personal use only.

Ao3 link in reblogs

Or read below:

[CLICK]

 MARTIN

 —really don’t think this is necessary—

 TIM

 Aaaaand we’re recording!

 MARTIN

 (exasperated) Tim.

 TIM

 Oh, come on Martin, it’s more fun this way!

 [MARTIN MAKES A NOISE OF DISAGREEMENT]

 TIM

 You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that this doesn’t appeal to your, and I quote, “retro aesthetic.”

 MARTIN

 (reluctantly) It… might.

 TIM

 See! So it’s perfect!

 …

 [HE SIGHS]

 Obviously you don’t have to if you don’t want to, Martin. I just thought it might be nice—to have something to look back on when we’re all old and sick of each other, you know? Here, I can go first.

 MARTIN

 Tim, you don’t have to—

 TIM

 (overlapping, adopting the ‘Archivist’ voice) Statement of Timothy Stoker, regarding the first time he went to Pride with his brother, Danny. June 10th, 2016.

 (cheekily) Statement begins.

 TIM (STATEMENT)

 (in his normal voice) I realized I was into blokes too when I was 15, you know. Think it took me a while because of the whole ace thing, though that took me until I was in uni to really figure out. I was still fine with sex, you know, always enjoyed it when it came up, just… never really wanted it with anyone in particular. So I suppose I’d assumed for a while that the things I was feeling toward other guys weren’t romantic because I never had the sexual parts to go along with them. (with wry humor) Almost ruined a few relationships that way, actually.

 But I’m getting a bit off-topic. Can’t be one of those rambling statement givers Jon hates. God, I can see his face now, that thing he does with his nose—Martin, you know the one, the- the way it looks like he’s just smelled something really, really rank.

 MARTIN

 I thought you said you weren’t going to ramble.

 TIM

 Cheeky, cheeky. Okay, where was I. Right.

 TIM (STATEMENT)

 Mom and Dad weren’t real big on the whole bi thing, so the first time I got the chance to go to Pride was in uni. The first time I got the chance to go with Danny was after he turned 18 and got his first modeling gig. At least, I think he was already modeling back then. Point is, we were both out of the house, and Danny had been dying to go to Pride with me ever since I sent him pictures of me and Sasha eating an entire box of rainbow-colored donuts that first year. I’d figured out I was ace by then, but it had been pretty recent, so when we got there, I found one of the vendors selling those big flags you drape over your shoulders and got an ace one. Felt a bit weird having the ace flag instead of the bi one like the other years, but I had worn that pink, blue, and purple button-down Sasha got me for Christmas once, so overall, it felt all right.

 And Danny—god, he loved it. Pretty sure he ate his weight in fried food that day.

 [HE LAUGHS]

 Almost got the aro flag he’d borrowed from Sasha dirty, actually, when he—

 (quickly changes course) Ah, nothing! Sasha, if you’re listening to this, absolutely nothing happened to your flag, and I definitely did not have it laundered before I returned it to you.

 TIM

 Aaaaand that’s it! Statement ends, I guess.

 See—easy! (a bit more seriously) But really—you don’t have to record one if you don’t want to, Martin.

 MARTIN

 …

 No, I- I want to.

 TIM

 Are you sure? I don’t want you to do that thing where you just do something because you think someone else wants you to.

 MARTIN

 I do not—!

 …

 Okay, okay, fine. Point taken. But yeah, I- I’m sure.

 [RUSTLING AS THE TAPE RECORDER IS PASSED FROM TIM TO MARTIN]

 MARTIN

 (with an audible smile) Statement of, er, Martin Blackwood. Regarding… a crush. No, no, wait—god, that sounds so juvenile. Regarding himself, and a person who- er, someone whom he—

 [HE SIGHS]

 Fine. Regarding a crush. Statement given June 10th, 2016.

 Statement begins.

 MARTIN (STATEMENT)

 I’m always a little embarrassed to tell people that I’ve never dated anyone before? Okay, a- a lot embarrassed, actually. I try not to bring it up, but people will say things like, oh, you know how it is to shop for a partner or meeting her parents is definitely nerve-wracking—which is wrong on, er, two accounts, actually—and then I feel more awkward not telling them that I don’t know, actually, because I’ve never been in a relationship longer than a week or so. Then, they’ll get all sympathetic, like it’s some- some tragedy that I’m not involved with someone, and that’s worse, because then they’ll offer to set me up with people, or say that they don’t understand why I’m single because I’m a catch or whatever, and I have to give them some excuse about not interested at the moment.

 It’s not that, not really. Dates with strangers, they- they just never work out for me.

 I think I fall somewhere on the aromantic spectrum? I didn’t think about it much until Sasha mentioned it once over drinks—I think you were there, Tim, although you were (laughs) very drunk by that point. I told her I hadn’t had a crush on anyone since sixth form, and she threw around a bunch of terms. I- I honestly don’t really remember, it was kind of overwhelming and (laughs) I was also pretty drunk as well. But yeah, it… it sounds about right.

 (hesitantly, as if bracing himself for impact) So… this person. Who I, er. Recently, that is, who I…

 [HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]

 It’s really strange, that’s all. And a- a lot. I—heh—I don’t really know what to do about it.

 MARTIN

…

 Uh, statement ends? I guess? I, uh, don’t really have anything else to say. (jokingly) It’s not like there’s any, er, follow-up or whatever. (to Tim) Was- was that okay?

 TIM

 (audibly smiling) Yup! Most excellent, Marto. (more seriously) You felt okay, right?

 MARTIN

 (huh) Yeah. Yeah, I- I did. A bit nice, actually. (quickly) As- as long as this stays in the archives, though. It… it is staying in the archives, right?

 TIM

 Oh, definitely. Right next to the section on love potions, I think.

 MARTIN

 Tim!

 TIM

 (laughs) Yes, Martin, it’s staying in the archives. Pinkie promise. Just you, me, Sasha, and Jon. (in the tone of a man who knows a great secret and wants nothing more than to share it) Speaking of Jon—

 MARTIN

 (quickly) Uh, recording ends!

 TIM

 (undeterred) —is he the—?

 [CLICK]

.

 [CLICK]

 SASHA

 Right. So, according to Tim, I’m supposed to be recording a statement on, quote, my “most swashbucklingest experience as an esteemed member of the LGBT community.” He left this recorder on my desk and stole my scone. Timothy Stoker, I will not forget that. It was white chocolate raspberry, and I’m stealing the money it cost out of your wallet.

 …

 Anyway.

[SHE CLEARS HER THROAT]

 Statement of Sasha James, given 10th June 2016. Subject of statement is… hmm. Let’s say… (laughs) A brief relationship with one Timothy Stoker.

 Statement begins.

 SASHA (STATEMENT)

 Tim, I know you’re listening to this, and I just want to preface this by saying that yes, it was Italian that we had for dinner that night, not Greek. You’re thinking of a different friendship-turned-hookup-turned-awkward-aftermath-turned-friendship.

 [SHE LAUGHS QUIETLY]

 Anyway, I guess the best place to begin with this whole thing is by saying that I’ve known I was aro since I was 16 and that I’ve never been very good at talking about it. I’ve ended plenty of tried and failed relationships with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me talk because I didn’t know how to explain that I just… wasn’t interested in romance.

 I wanted to explain it to you beforehand, Tim, I really, really did. We’ve had this conversation, I know I know—I won’t rehash it over tape.

 [SHE SIGHS]

 But the important thing is that I like you so, so much, and—god, this is stupid—I guess maybe I thought that it wouldn’t matter with you? That you could like me romantically and I could like you platonically and it would be fine. Like I said, stupid, but you asked me out to that Italian place—yes, Italian, for god’s sake, I had the chicken parm and you had some sort of lasagna abomination—and I just… couldn’t say no. And it was nice, really. I had a lot of fun.

 And then we slept together. And… that was really nice. But then, the next morning, the… the guilt set in. Because I felt the same as I always had about you—which is to say that I loved you, just not in the same way you loved me—and I became convinced that I’d gone and ruined the whole thing.

 Ignoring you for a week was probably not the correct response. (quieter) Yeah, definitely not my finest moment. But I’d gotten it in my head that the moment I told you that I didn’t feel that way about you and that I would never feel that way about you—or about anyone—you’d hate me. And you don’t have to say that you’d never hate me—I know you wouldn’t. I think I knew it then, too. But fear is a powerful thing.

 …

 Anyway, you know how it all turned out. You finally dragged me out to coffee and I finally told you why I’d been avoiding you and it was really, really awkward for about a month after that and then it just… wasn’t anymore. (audibly smiling) And you’re still my best friend, Tim. Even if you did steal my scone.

 [THE SOUND OF PAPERS RUSTLING AND A CHAIR ROLLING BACKWARD]

 Recording ends.

 [CLICK]

 .

 [CLICK]

 ARCHIVIST

 Statement of Kyle Henning, regarding a strange mushroom he found growing in his garden. Original statement given April 15th, 2011. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

 Statement begi—

 [DOOR OPENS]

 TIM

 Hey boss! Got a moment?

 ARCHIVIST

 (irritated) Tim, please at least knock when the door to my office is closed. I was just about to record a statement.

 TIM

 (unbothered) So if you were about to, that means you’re not recording one right now, which means you do have a moment.

 ARCHIVIST

 (flatly) Shut the door on your way out, Tim.

 TIM

 (brightly) Right you are, boss! Juuuust going to leave this here on your desk. Bring it back whenever you’re done!

 [PAPERS RUSTLE AS SOMETHING IS PLACED ON THE DESK]

 ARCHIVIST

 (dryly) I’m fairly certain that I’m the one who assigns you tasks to complete, Tim.

 TIM

 That you do! I guess I better get back to them then. Have fun!

 ARCHIVIST

 (firmly) Tim—

 [DOOR CLOSES]

 [HE SIGHS]

 ARCHIVIST

 Right. Well, given that this recording is essentially useless now and I hadn’t even gotten to the statement, I may as well start over. (mutters under his breath) Bloody waste of tape and my time—

 [CLICK]

 .

 [CLICK]

 [PAPERS RUSTLE. FOR A MOMENT, THERE IS ONLY THE SOUND OF BREATHING. THEN, JON SIGHS.]

 ARCHIVIST

 Before I begin, I would like to make it very clear that this is not an appropriate use of working hours or the tape recorders, which should be used for statements that won’t record digitally as per Elias’s request.

 …

 That being said, I am… not entirely opposed to this project. So, I suppose…

 [HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]

 Statement of Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London, regarding… regarding a black ring worn on the middle finger of his right hand. Statement recorded by subject, June 10th, 2016.

 Statement begins.

 ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

 I’ve often been told that I am not a very open person. I don’t necessarily intend to be closed-off, but I’ve also never found the need to disclose every aspect of my personal life to everyone I come into contact with. And yes, Tim—because I trust that you and you alone will be listening to this tape—that is a perfectly respectable way to live one’s life. Not everyone needs to know what I ate for breakfast that morning or who my favorite primary school teacher was.

 …

 I… will admit, though, that in certain circumstances, I… could probably stand to be more transparent regarding aspects of my personal life. Perhaps that’s why Georgie bought me the ring.

 It wasn’t a special occasion. She just brought it back from the shop one day, a few weeks after a… particularly illuminating conversation about certain sexual identities, and dropped it atop my copy of Wuthering Heights. Honestly, I had no idea what it was at first. I- (heh) I tried to make a joke about unorthodox proposals, but I- I don’t really think it landed. Georgie just looked at me and said that she’d seen it on one of the online forums, that it was called an ace ring, and that she thought I might like it. I think I was more surprised about the fact that the ring fit perfectly than at the fact that she’d bought me the ring in the first place.

 So I wore it. And it felt… nice. Understand, I don’t keep quiet about my romantic and sexual identities out of shame or embarrassment or indecision; I simply don’t feel the need to announce them at any given moment. So I’ve always been fond of small things—pins and stickers and such—that I can incorporate into my life, insignificant enough that they aren’t readily apparent to anyone but me, as they’re for me more than for anyone else. My ring is one such thing.

 [THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE. MORE WORDS SIT IN THE AIR, WAITING. EVENTUALLY, HOWEVER, HE SIGHS, AND THE WORDS REMAIN UNSAID.]

 ARCHIVIST

 Statement ends.

 …

 Right.

 (with something that might be a smile) As for your other request, I do have a prior engagement with Georgie and Melanie this weekend. Though if you’re willing to accommodate two more, I’m sure they wouldn’t be opposed to coming along. Georgie’s always telling me that Pride is more fun when you’re with a group, after all.

 End recording.

 [CLICK]

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fic #the magnus archives fic #AspecArchives #asexual jonathan sims #gray-aro martin blackwood #aromantic sasha james #asexual tim stoker #sex-favorable tim stoker #biphobia // #arophobia // #(minorly for both) #my fic #my writing

[finalfrontierpioneer]

2020 Fic Recs

Okay, I did a fic rec list last year for 2019, and nobody asked for this, but you know what, I’m gonna do another one. Really the only thing I wanna look back on about 2020 is the fic- bc damn there were some good ones!

Same as last year, these are fics that were completed in 2020. (So no in-progress fics here)

So here goes, 20 fic recs for 2020, in no particular order! And full disclosure, these are all totally different ratings/pairings/whatever.

I tried to tag all the authors who had tumblrs, but i probably missed some, and some of them aren’t actually working but hey! the username is there!

Some stucky bc of course

Sharpened Claws by tragicama (Explicit)

Steve Rogers has a unique talent of getting himself into danger. As one of New York City’s best homicide detectives, it isn’t easy to ignore the constant call of trouble and gore. At least, that’s what he tries to tell his overprotective and brooding boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, even if he knows it might be a lie.

Bucky is dangerous, gorgeous. . .and a werewolf. As the Alpha of New York City, he is easily considered the most powerful being in the world. But when Bucky begins to lose his control over his shift, he slowly becomes aware of a bond that sends him reeling, and one he’d never thought possible.

But everything is not as it seems. After a homicide case unleashes a sequence of events that neither Steve nor Bucky are prepared for, they soon find themselves entangled with a danger that threatens to rip them apart. With the help of Steve’s partner and best friend, Sam, Bucky and Steve navigate a dark web of pack politics, masquerade balls, and a crash course in what it means to be a pack, even as a greater danger looms. And one that might succeed in ripping them apart.

These Happy Gilded Years by crinklefries @spacerenegades, nalonzoo (Teen)

Steve Rogers, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and mostly happy disposition, had lived twenty-three years in the world with very little to distress or vex him.

( Steve is wealthy and and charming, with good humor and good temper, doted upon by his mother and the highest of New York Society, with no one to ever criticize or say the word no to him. Well, other than Bucky. But he doesn't count.

He is also warm and friendly and has a talent for matchmaking. Or so he thinks. Actually, he's kind of terrible at it.

Importantly, Steve will definitely never fall in love or marry, himself. He tells everyone this, repeatedly. Well anyway, we'll see about that. )

Jane Austen's Emma, but a little gayer, set in 1890s Gilded Era New York City

Demon Seed by SucculentHyena (Mature)

[Transcript 00:11:48]

MS: You were with him the most throughout the course of events, both before and after. Your account could shed light on something we may have missed.

JB: What difference will that make?

MS: It could make all the difference. Captain Rogers’ case is unprecedented, he’s the most intact victim we’ve ever recovered-

JB: [laughing] You call that intact?

A Noble Steed by alby_mangroves @albymangroves or @artgroves, leveragehunters (Teen)

"You say the Warhorse showed up last night," Sam said in tones of profound doubt.

"Yeah," Steve replied.

"The Warhorse. The Warhorse of legend. Daelland's Warhorse."

"The same as the one on the back of the transit card, yes."

"And he appeared in your living room?"

Steve eyed the Warhorse, very large and very black and giving him a dubious look out of his strange grey eyes. "He's standing in it right now."

"Uh huh," Sam said.

"Hey, I'm not any happier about it than you are."

* * *

Steve's mom had left Daelland long before he was born, following her heart to New York, but she'd raised him on stories of its famous Warhorse. Before she died, he'd promised he'd go back and learn the country she'd come from.

That was why he was in Daelland. Not so Daelland's legendary Warhorse could appear in his living room. But planned or not that's what had happened—now Steve had to figure out what to do about it.

a hat, a horse (a Hyundai), and the will to ride by elkane @elkane, synonym4life @synonym-for-life (Explicit)

After Steve and Bucky rescue their pals from the Raft prison, they decide to dig deeper into Zemo’s involvement in the UN headquarters’ bombing which sends them on a backpacking trip across select European countries. Steve and Bucky believe this is a story about their mission. Scott Lang and Sam Wilson, who join them halfway through, believe it’s a story about their Eurotrip (and they’re probably right). This writer, however, has been waiting to tell you that the fic’s true mission is Steve and Bucky missioning towards missionary.

Follow them on their journey across Europe in tiny cars, packed subway trains and even on skis as they tumble down the Swiss Alps (in a fun way this time!), all the while reigniting untold feelings of the past through inappropriate sexual encounters and terrible communication skills.

someday at christmas (there’ll be no wars) by stevebuckiest @stevebuckyinc (not rated)

A mission on Christmas. Not even on Christmas, technically. A mission after Christmas which means he and Steve and the Howlies will be trekking through the tundra towards possible death on what used to be Bucky’s favorite day of the year. Jesus Christ.

(alternatively: bucky and steve try to make the best of a shitty situation)

the cabin by natalie_nebula (Explicit)

It felt like he… It felt like they were always so close. Everything seemed like it was under control. He remembers hearing Wanda’s voice, seeing a flash of red out of the corner of his eye. He remembers yelling something back at her, telling her to stop, to not come any closer. He remembers a bright flash, then a boom, and ringing in his ears. He remembers a black blur, and hands on his back, around his waist, then—darkness…

After the explosion in Lagos, Steve wakes up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and all he knows is that Bucky's the one who brought him there. While Sam, Nat, and the other Avengers try to figure out what happened to their friend, Steve takes the time away to heal—both his relationship with Bucky, and with himself. My cozy, romantic, and introspective Civil War rewrite.

Every Feeling by Nestri (Explicit)

Steve completely surprises Bucky with a visit, scent thick with heat. The Alpha keeps his hands to himself until Steve makes it clear he doesn't want him to.

Halbarry!

A Speedster and a Space Cop get into a Car by ChocolateTeapots @chocolateteapotsvis (Teen)

Hal and Barry embark on their most perilous mission yet: picking Wally up from the airport.

For Halbarry Week, Day 3: First Times “And you just called me Barry, genius”

Crosswind by Cinderstrato (Explicit)

Hal had collected plenty of regrets over the years. What was the weight of one more?

Just A Mark by the_butler @the-butler-fanstuff (Mature)

“What a nerd.”

Barry had been haunted by these words all his life, seeing as they were his soulmate’s mark. It came out during puberty, just like everyone else’s, but by then he was already well on the way to being a ‘nerd’ so to speak. He wasn’t just some guy claiming to be nerd because he was into Dungeons and Dragons or anime, oh no. He was a bona fide science nerd- went to interstate science fairs and competitions even.

—————(Originally a one-shot, now continued)——————

Barry Allen was working at the forensics lab of Central City PD when it waltzes the new transfer from Coast City, Detective Hal Jordan, not just into the lab but also into his life. There’s the matter of them being soulmates- but Barry is unconvinced. Science tells him there’s a likely chance that they’re just platonic soulmates, so Hal suggests an experiment of sorts: they go on three dates, and then decide whether or not they’re just platonic, or something more.

Tired by ceelolights @ceeloilights (Gen)

Hal comes home to Barry still working late into the night.

Last but most certainly not least, Jeronica:

The long way round to heaven by Bearfacedcheek (Mature)

“This could screw everything up. Jesus why couldn’t you just, fucking not?”

“I did just fucking not Jughead,” she retorts hotly. “I’ve been not for months. No one was ever supposed to know, least of all you. So, don’t blame me for what you saw when you invaded a private moment.”

“Oh, my bad Veronica,” sarcasm, his most comfortable armour, wraps itself around his words. “Did my near-death experience compromised your privacy? I’m sorry that my spirit took an astral fucking walk out of my almost corpse and y-”

“Don’t,” she gasps. Her hand flies to her mouth and it trembles visibly as she draws it away. “Don’t say that. Jesus Jughead we almost lost you.”

sadder, badder, cooler by thefudge @thefudge (Teen)

AU. Just who is Veronica's mysterious new husband? (based on season 5 spoilers)

all i’ll ever need is you by whatacoolkid @whatacoolkid (Teen)

jughead and veronica but make it ✨christmas✨

destined to be forgotten by bothromeoandjuliet @kindnessinpain2000 (Teen)

There are plenty of broken things in Riverdale - broken families, broken trust, broken hearts - but in the middle stands the two most broken things of all, Veronica Lodge and Forsythe 'Jughead' Jones.

(Jughead and Veronica learn about the Barchie kiss - this is the aftermath)

I Really (Don’t) Know What I Want by Bella_Dahlia @bella-dahlia (Mature)

There were many potential disasters to befall an average weirdo high school student; when one had an active imagination and a love for John Hughes films, as Jughead Jones did, you sort of assumed you had foresaw the possibilities. Plus, after solving a sordid murder and joining a gang, he really thought he gone through his fair share of teenaged trauma.

Having to fake a relationship to save his best friend from dedicating his life to a mafia and getting punched repeatedly in the process definitely had not crossed his mind before now.

——————————————

Or, Jughead and Veronica don’t really know what they’ve gotten themselves into.

all the lovers with no time for me by Krewlak (Mature)

jeroncia goes to stonewall. that's it. that's the fic.

call it what you want to by an_expensive_imagination (Teen)

“First things first,” Veronica says, reaching up to slide the ever-present gray beanie off his head, “no beanies in college.”

And here’s a one off random spideypool:

Shooting For Your Heart by X_Gon_Give_It (Teen)

“In my defense, I didn’t expect you to get hurt.”

“And I didn’t expect to be run out of town, yet here we are.”

He went suddenly stiff, “Wait...you were run out of town?”

“As if you didn’t know,” Peter grumbled, but when he looked up he did a double-take at Wade's confused expression. “Almighty, you really don’t know, do you?” he snapped the drawer shut, “Well, after that little fiasco by Two-Stone Canyon, a little rumor spread that me and you were in cahoots. The rumor got some ground and it turned the whole town against me. I was run out before I could defend my case. Why'dya think I was out there the other night to begin with?”

<><><><><><>

When Peter Parker, a deputy known as Webslinger, gets accused of working with the West's deadliest outlaw he finds himself on the run from the people he once trusted. In an effort to prove his innocence, he finds himself captured by the very outlaw tarnishing his name.

#fic recs #stucky #jeronica #halbarry #2020 fic recs

[uh-drarry]

Can i ask what the difference between ace and aro is? If not thats totally fine! I was just curious, have a lovely day ♥️

Of course!! I hope you are having a lovely day as well, nonnie. Thanks for the ask! I’m not an expert but I have done a lot of research since realizing I was both ace and aro but I only recently realized this within the last six months so I’m going to give kind of broad terms and they both definitely have more definitive terms depending on the person using them. Ace is short for Asexual. Aro is short for Aromantic. (As I type this Aromantic is showing as a spelling error, and if that doesn’t tell you anything about how underrepresented that community is idk what will). This got a bit long, so I am putting it all under the cut.

Asexual people feel little to no sexual attraction. The opposite of this is Allosexual, meaning you do feel sexual attraction. Asexual is an umbrella term and there’s many micro labels under it as well. This doesn’t mean aces don’t have a libido though. Some people have high or low libidos and are still Ace because it’s about sexual attraction. Asexual people sometimes define themselves as one of the following, sex favorable (does enjoy sex, but possibly won’t initiate it themselves, or they could live without it but are happy to partake as far as I understand), sex positive (this can mean the previous, or, like me, they encourage others to have sex if they want it, and believe safe sex should be taught, etc.), sex neutral (they might enjoy sex, but eh, that’s cool if they never do it again, or ever), and sex repulsed (might get nauseous at the thought of it, never wants to partake, depending who they are they might not want to see it, hear it, watch it, etc even within media, nothing). Back to feeling or not feeling sexual attraction, for example, I have never once looked at, say Chris Hemsworth or Zendaya, and thought “Yeah, they turn me on, I’d have sex with them.” (Honestly the fact that I really had to think to come up with names there, which I think it very telling, I’m laughing at myself). *oversharing probably but trying to help people understand, sorry* Despite the my lack of sexual attraction to anyone, I do feel things, for example, when I read smut or something similar. Ace people might get themselves off, have sex, or never do anything of the sort down there. That kind of thing is about feeling good, you don’t have to think your partner or whatever is sexy in order to do that. If anyone wants to do their own research, AVEN.com (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) is probably a good starting point, or I can rec some blogs here.

Aromantic people feel little to no romantic attraction. Very different from feeling sexual attraction, yes? Basically, take all of what I wrote about being Ace and exchange sex with romance and that’s an aromantic person. I will explain anyway. Just like allosexual, alloromantic people are people who do feel romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is when you want to do romantic coded things with people. Of course romance is a bit harder to define than sex, so it can mean a lot of things to different people. Kissing can be seen as romantic to one person, and another aro person could really enjoy kissing others for example. Personally, I get pretty uncomfortable in romantic situations regarding myself and someone else, which I would probably define as being Romance Repulsed. After learning what this term meant and reading some about it, I really thought of my experiences. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a crush on anyone, relationships (the brief two that I’ve had) really just felt like friendships. I didn’t initiate anything besides maybe handholding because I didn’t know what to do, or I didn’t even realize that was a thing that most people in that situation would be doing at that point in a relationship. I felt very uncomfortable when a ex tried to take a kiss further than a peck, among other things. Again, being Aromantic doesn’t mean aro people automatically will never have or want romantic relationships. They just don’t feel those feels for people usually. Like AVEN for asexuals, there’s Arocalypse.com for aro people. I have less blogs to rec here, but I can rec some if someone wants it.

There are good examples of different types of attraction, I personally feel platonic attraction which would be the desire to be someone’s friend, as well as aesthetic attraction which is defined below.

People can be one, or both, or neither. I am both, AroAce. People in these communities often use the Split Attraction Model (SAM). Which would be like someone stating that they are Asexual Homoromantic, or Aromantic Heterosexual, or Aromantic Pansexual, among many other combos.

Because I do feel aesthetic attraction, pretty much solely towards women, I define myself as an Oriented AroAce, or Lesbian AroAce. If I ever did end up in a relationship with someone, I can only ever imagine it to be with a woman. Again though, that’s just one microlable among so many that are out there.

This is a huge list of identities and labels, it overwhelms be tbh, but I’m linking it here anyway because it’s very informative.

I assume this ask was in response my reblog here. Yes I get very annoyed when people treat these two orientations as the same thing, despite me identifying as both. As I hope you can now see, they are very different things. A lot of the time, I enjoy reading about romance and sometimes sexual relationships, but sometimes I want to read other peoples thoughts, fics, posts, etc about only one of these and the Aro/Aromanticism tag is flooded with posts about asexuality which really doesn’t help people who are trying to learn about aromanticism or wanting specific content.

One more point before I wrap this up. I read a book because I wanted to see if it’d help me know for sure if I was demisexual (definition can be found in the huge list I linked two paragraphs up, or on google), and it actually made me realize I was aroace and I am forever grateful for it so I will rec it here. It’s called Loveless by @aliceoseman and it has quickly become my favorite book. So if anyone wants to read about a fictional character realizing they’re aroace, this is a fantastic book. I related so much to Georgia, it’s crazy. Also her other works are fantastic.

Remember you are not alone! Experts believe that 1% of the population is ace (and I think it’s the same for aro people) and that might sound like no one but, guys, theres 7.8 billion people on this planet. That means theres 78 million people like us! I ended up finding a lot of ace people to follow on twitter as well by the way.

This might be a hot take to some but the A in LGBTQIA+ does not mean ally! It’s for Asexual, Aromantic, and Agender! And we do belong in the queer community because the queer community is for people who aren’t straight, cis, or amatonormative. Wow, I hope this all makes sense, if any of you are confused or have more thoughts, or I messed something up, UNLESS YOU’RE BEING APHOBIC, add your thoughts, or message me!

Side note: Do please send me recs of people to follow, books, fics, shows, whatever, I am always searching for new content within these orientations!

#this was a lot #I've spent more than an hour on this lol #asexual #asexuality #ace #aro #aromantic #aromanticism #split attraction model #queer #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #aven #arocalypse

[plutotown]

Can I Have This Dance? — Ricky Bowen

Summary: You and Ricky’s homecoming dance doesn’t go as expected when you get stood up by your date.

Ship: Ricky Bowen x Reader (can apply to female or male)

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.79k

Tags (aka people who I think would like it): @ppkrtingle @bocauhl @hunnybears @harrysbowen @chaoticgoodisa @iridescentkippen

Author’s Note: I guess I’m like the queen of Ricky imagines now lmao

(I do not own the Ricky gif used, but the gif below was made by me)

Despite all the chaos going on from the EJ/Nini/Ricky love triangle and the musical, there was one thing you could look forward to that maybe won’t be so chaotic, and that was homecoming.

You see, you, Big Red, and Ricky would go together every year, but this year was different. Why? Because you had a date to the dance.

Yes, for the first time in your life you had a date to a date, and it wasn’t a platonic one, well, you hoped. Of course Ricky has done the whole date thing before, but this was his first time going solo since the break up, and of course you weren’t going solo at a time like this.

It was a shock to everyone when you announced at lunch that you had gotten a date to the dance. It was definitely unexpected for both you and your friends, but you could care less because you were over the moon.

He was tall, smart, handsome, everything you could’ve dreamed of. It honestly seemed way too good to be true, and your friends had their concerns.

Of course you didn’t take those concerns seriously. You were way too happy and excited to actually have a date and not be the loner, so you basically had everyone scared more than watching IT for the first time.

Flash forward to the dance, and you had been waiting for about an hour for your date to show up, and at this point it seemed to be a no-show.

Everyone wanted to tell you “I told you so”, but they didn’t for the sake of hurting your feelings even more. So you sat at a table, resting your head in your hand as you watched everyone else have fun. Some homecoming, right?

At one point, Ricky walked up to you and sat next to you, and in the moment you were too grumpy and upset to talk, so Ricky did everything he could to get you to speak.

“Hey.” Ricky whispered. You looked at him and raised an eyebrow, still not saying a word.

“EJ sucks major dick.” He whispered again, which caused you to laugh almost instantly. “I knew that would work.”

“Whatever. Here to witness the pity party?” You asked sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

“Of course not. But don’t worry, I throw plenty of those.” Ricky joked.

You let out a sigh, looking at the entrance, praying your date would show up still, but you had to give up hope. “I knew I should’ve listened to you guys.”

“Hey, hey, don’t hate yourself over it. Shit happens, Y/N.” He said, placing his hand on your shoulder and squeezing it a bit. The moment his hand touched you it felt kind of weird and put butterflies in your stomach, but you ignored the feeling, as your sadness over being stood up overpowered it.

“I’ll try.” You frowned. “No promises though.”

•••

Time flew fast as you and Ricky talked, still sitting at the same table. Every now and then someone would walk up to you guys or sit down and talk for a bit, but it was mostly just the two of you, and you definitely didn’t mind.

Ricky contemplated asking for a dance with you, and after thinking it though for a solid thirty minutes, he just went for it and asked.

“Do you wanna, uhm, dance?” Ricky asked, his foot violently tapping on the floor out of nervousness. Good thing you couldn’t see that, because it was kind of scary.

“Why not?” You replied with no hesitation. Ricky took this as a shock, but he wasn’t complaining.

Ricky then stood up and extended his hand, and you grabbed it gladly. You two hit the dance floor, dancing to Born to Be Brave, which was one of your favorite songs. At one point Carlos, one of your classmates, got lifted up by a bunch of students as if it were a concert. It was truly a sight to see.

You and Ricky jumped around like a bunch of idiots to the music, laughing so much your stomach hurt. It was feeling you never wanted to get rid of that’s for sure.

“Hey! Watch this” Ricky yelled over the music. You then watched Ricky attempt a backflip, and he shockingly succeeded. You were no doubt scared that he would fall, so you urged that he never do that again, especially on a hard floor.

The song ended, and once it was over a slow song began playing, resulting in you and Ricky to stand awkwardly, having no idea what to do next.

You looked around and watched everyone couple up and begin dancing, then you turned to Ricky, and you both looked at each for for a few moments, not sure what to do next.

“Can I have this dance?” He asked awkwardly, and you nodded in response.

No more words were said as you and Ricky awkwardly attempted to interlock hands and get in the slow dancing position. Ricky hesitantly placed a hand on your waist, his other hand interlock with yours. You had your free hand on his shoulder, and you both struggled to lock eyes.

“I guess we, um-”

“Yeah, uh-”

The music played, and it took you a moment to sway to the music. This wasn’t exactly how you imagined your homecoming, but it probably could’ve been worse.

“We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January. This is our place, we make the rules. And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear. Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?”

You rest your head against Ricky’s chest, closing your eyes, letting the music guide you. His heart was beater ten times faster than usual, which you noticed, but assumed it was the nerves of slow dancing.

It felt odd to you, but you felt comfortable around Ricky like this. Sure, at first you were a nervous and awkward wreck, but after some getting used to, it felt nice. More than nice actually.

“Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home. You're my, my, my, my lover...”

Once that song ended, you snapped backed to reality and quickly let go of Ricky, taking a step back as well. How could you be just friends after that?

Usually after the slow song, the dance ends not long after, and this was no different. You weren’t sure what to do now, the same with Ricky.

“I’ll give you a ride home?” Ricky proposed. You really couldn’t say no, since your parents dropped you off and you weren’t able to pick you up, so you had no choice but to say yes.

“Uhm, yeah, thanks.” You answer, then go to grab your belongings and leave. How bad could this car ride go? No one could predict.

•••

The car ride consisted of nothing but silence. Neither of you attempted to say a single word, so you let the quietness haunt your thoughts.

Do I like Ricky?

Do I like Y/N?

Funny how you two thought the same thing. You never imagined liking each other in a way like that, but it made sense. Knowing each other for so long, being able to talk to each other about anything, etc. The cherry on top would be becoming a couple, but you both struggled to come to terms with that.

Once Ricky pulled up outside of your house, you wondered whether you should thank him or not. It’s not like he’s never given you rides before him, but you felt the need to on a night like this. You felt the need to say something after the moment you guys had.

“Thanks for the ride.” You said awkwardly, twiddling your thumbs as you spoke.

“It’s never a problem.” He responded, putting on a reassuring smile.

“Um.” You mumbled as you leaned over to Ricky. He thought that you were going to kiss him on the lips, but he fooled himself since you only kissed him on the cheek.

“Goodnight.” As you went to open the car door, Ricky quickly stopped you. He had to tell you. He knew this wasn’t going away. “Wait!”

“Hm?” You turned around. Ricky’s eyes were wide, and his mouth gaped a tiny bit as if he wasn’t sure how to get the words out of his mouth, which was actually the case.

“When we were dancing...” Ricky paused. “I, um, I felt something that I never felt with Nini.”

Yikes. Way to bring up her at a moment like this. “Sorry, but it’s true.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You raised an eyebrow.”

“I think I’m falling for you.” He blurted. That’s definitely a way to put.

“I...” You couldn’t even form a proper response. Falling for you? One of his closest friends? Possibly even his best friend? Wait, no. That’s Big Red’s spot. Anyway, you had no idea what to say, but you couldn’t say nothing.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

You interrupted Ricky’s words by quickly pecking him on the lips, leaving him in a shock. Don’t worry, you were definitely shocked too since you just kissed someone who was “just a friend”, but was Ricky really just a friend now?

Ricky's eyes widened at the moment, and he blinked a few times, not sure how to process that. "You... you kissed me."

“Um, yeah, I did.” You said, leaning against the car seat, afraid to get up.

“Is this what I think it means?” He questioned.

“What?”

“Do you like me?”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” You crossed your arms. Out of all moments, you choose to be defensive now. Get a grip!

“Y/N-”

“Okay!” You huffed. “Maybe I do feel some way for you...”

“Maybe?” Ricky raised an eyebrow. You definitely weren’t getting anywhere with all the maybe’s, but you were nervous as hell! You had never had such strong feelings so quickly before, and it scared the shit out of you.

“I’ve never been able to properly express my feelings.” You admit. “And I’ve never felt this way before either.”

“This way meaning liking me?” He asked, and you nodded. “Good.”

“Wha-” Ricky leaned and smashed his lips against yours, and you kissed back after a few moments of being surprised.

As he pulled away, you took a deep breath, struggling to process all of that. You never imagined this happening, but it was amazing regardless.

“Does this mean...?” You began to ask, then he finished your sentence. “We’re a thing?”

“Well?”

“We can see tomorrow night if you want.” Ricky offers, and you take up on his offer without hesitation. “Why not?”

“Perfect.” He grinned.

“Goodnight, Ricky.” You said.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts imagine #hsmtmts x reader #highschoolmusicalthemusicaltheseries #high school musical: the musical: the series #ricky bowen #ricky bowen blurb #ricky bowen imagine #ricky bowen x reader #joshua bassett #joshua bassett blurb #joshua bassett imagine #joshua bassett x reader #joshuabassett #richard bowen #richard bowen blurb #richard bowen imagine #richard bowen x reader #plutotown writes

[forestwater87]

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole. 

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that). 

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84​ calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak. 

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y. 

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here. 

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit. 

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call! 

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do. 

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode. 

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic. 

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff! 

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise. 

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it. 

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation. 

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . . 

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere. 

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great. 

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual. 

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one. 

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy. 

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously. 

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season. 

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen. 

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful. 

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale). 

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family. 

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much. 

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised. 

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results. 

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny. 

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been. 

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #thank you RT Animation for giving me my life these past 4 years #cc david #cc max #cc gwen #i'm not tagging all the characters #campcamp masterpost #i really hope this doesn't get hidden from the tags but #guys this was a super intense labor of love please check it out #but also reading it is also a super intense labor so i get it if you don't XD

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 62

pamgWarning, PLEASE CHECK TAGS IF YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THEN DON’T READ. | Tag lists are closed | INBOX OPEN

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Will tag as I go along, Will update tags, Slow Burn, Influenced by Star Trek and other Sci-Fi themes, References to We Happy Few, Tons of References and quotes to George Orwells 1984 see if you can find them all, The First Order is the new Big Brother,  but who is really surprised, Blatant Nazi Symbolism, Interrogation Themes, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Really just drawn out Slow Burn, Don’t repost without permission, Torture themes, Suggestive Themes, Execution themes, Disturbing Themes, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Controlling Kylo Ren, Physical Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Possessive Kylo Ren, A character shamelessly based on Zelda

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–

He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

MASTERLIST

Chapter 62: Dreams Again

A/N: If you haven’t seen it go check out this awesome cover art @pamgkrthart​ made for this story: LINK

You were in the house that the young boy was left all alone in; you assume it was Kylo’s childhood home.

She didn’t speak at first. The older woman, she invited you to sit with her. She silently offered you tea, which you accepted. You watched each other.

“You are probably wondering why I brought you here. Why we are speaking now.” Her voice had a feminine leathery sort of sound, calm but aged in a way that you know she has been through a lot.

You simply nodded, not knowing if your voice was going to work or not.

“I fear for my son, Ben. You know him as Kylo, a creature of his own construction. I know of his plans, his plans to kill Ben, to kill the light within him, and thus the need to kill me. This I know to be my fate.” She looked down into her own cup of tea, not meeting your eyes before continuing. “Ben was once a happy boy, before Kylo, before everything went wrong. His father and I may not have been the best parents, but know that we loved him, that I still love him.”

She was quiet for a while, staring into her cup. You could feel the emotions coming off of her in soft waves.

You attempted to speak, putting in a bit of effort, “What is your name?” You had yet to learn of either of Kylo’s parents. You now had a face, but you wanted a name.

“Leia,” she then looked at you in the eyes. Which were filled with grief, “Your name has always brought him comfort. Since he was old enough to understand what was on his wrist. Something his father and I could never do after sending him away.” She paused for a moment. You could see her holding back tears. “We thought we were doing what was best. Now I know we were wrong. His father was afraid there was too much of my father in him, but I know better now. Ben is good, but Kylo is not. You need to believe me.”

You were confused by her words. “You sent your only son away? Why?” If Kylo wasn’t going to give you answers, you were going to try to get them from her.

“My brother, Luke was a Jedi. He was taught the ways of the Force, he taught me. Once the Empire had fallen, we felt it was safe enough to start the Jedi Order again. So Luke opened up a temple. To train those who are strong in the Force to be able to use it. Ben was one of them. He was unstable at times, I couldn’t teach him, so we sent him to train with my brother. He was young, too young, I know that now. He felt that we had abandoned him, but that was never my intention.”

Before she could continue you interjected, “But it wasn’t the first time you had abandoned him, was it?” You recalled the dream that you had. The one that also took place in this house, the one with the boy.

She looked shocked. Probably wondering how you knew such a thing. “We never meant to. His father and I loved each other, but we weren’t good for each other, not in the long run. We were matches, but we worked better as separates together than we did as a couple. We were the people who worked out better as platonic soulmates versus romantic. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love him, I did, but we were healthier apart.”

You wondered if this was an omen for your own relationship, would Kylo and you ever work out? Or would you bring a child into existence and not realize where your fates lied until it was too late.“So you sent him away, then what?”

“He was trained by his uncle but influenced by another. Influenced by Snoke who turned him to the dark side, like my father before him. He tormented him into thinking that we were the ones that were wrong.”

“But weren’t you? You said it yourself, you sent him away. You abandoned him. You raised him in an unhealthy household. I have felt some of his pain. Things you have caused. Things that I now must fix, must mend to make him whole again.” You were fighting back both tears and anger now. She may be his mother, one who loves him, but she has caused him so much pain, pain you doubted that you could heal.

“I just want my son to come home. I want him to know I still love him. That I forgive him for what he has done. I just want him home.”

You stared at her, the anger now starting to take control. “So tell me. Just what has he done?”

“He has killed both his father Han Solo and his uncle Luke Skywalker. He has killed a great many other people too. All in the name of power and the First Order. He will kill me too, in order to finally end Ben Solo.”

Her words hit you like a bus. So she was his final task. Killing his mother was part of his plan to kill Ben Solo--to protect you. You tried to not let this faze you as you asked, “And what of Rey? What is she in all this?”

Her face eclipsed with confusion as she answered, “They are connected somehow through the Force, I do not know why. Luke did not know why. She has been helping me bring him home.”

Tears fully spilling from your eyes, the anger and heartbreak taking over your rational. Venom filling your mouth, “So you both want me gone? You both want me to step away from him? Because why? So you can attempt to fix what you have broken? To take my soulmate away from me just so you can be a happy family again? When he has explicitly said that isn’t what he wants? I don’t think so.” You stood up from the table. Ready to march out the door of this dream.

She stopped you, “Wait. I never told Rey to try to get him to abandon you. That is her agenda. I just want my son. Please let him know I would like to see him. That I want him to come home.”

You faced her now, “Why don’t you visit his dreams instead, I’m sure that would be more effective,” you spat.

“I can’t, he is too strong in the Force. Your mind is weaker. And he will listen to you. Please, I want my son home.” You could tell that she could also feel the dream world shake around her. Whatever she was doing to make this happen was starting to fail now.

You coldly met her eyes, “No, you need to listen to him. If he doesn’t want to come home, then you need to listen. You obviously didn’t respect his wishes when he was a young boy. But you need to do so now. You’ve harmed him enough. Ben wasn’t strong enough, but Kylo is.” You stormed out of the house. As the door slammed behind you the dream world dissipated. And you woke up in a cold sweat.

Kylo was awake next to you, sitting up in a hurry, “Kitten what’s wrong?” You could hear the worry in his voice.

“I’ve just met your mother. And let’s just say things didn’t go well.” Really, the other women in his life, other than anyone in the First Order, had a real knack for pissing you off.

He shifted next to you, “Show me.” It wasn’t a question, but a simple command.

You both held eye contact for a moment before shutting your eyes and leaning into him. You felt his hand caress your face as you replayed the dream if you could call it that.

His voice was stern, “Kitten?”

You hummed in response. Wondering what he was angry about.

“I will have to be in your mind. You are too weak to be able to protect yourself from them. I must do it, you leave me no other choice.”

Before you could respond you felt the tendrils come back in full force. This time they were no longer politely inhabiting your brain. They took up every square inch. Leaving no memory or thought untouched. You blacked out from the force of it all.

You dreamed again, but this time it was a variation of the throne dream. You were once again sitting on a throne with the black shaggy dog. Except this time you were watching your own reflection, instead of encountering another version of yourself.

You looked the same in the reflection, but the dog didn’t. The dog was Kylo, still with a chain around his neck, and his head in your lap. You watched as the Kylo in the reflection seemed to bask under the pets that were given to him.

You watched as in his hand out of nowhere appeared his lightsaber. He ignited it. In one quick slash, he cut his chain. You quickly looked over at the dog that was next to you, his chain still intact. You then returned your attention back to Kylo. He had removed the collar that was around his neck and disabled the lightsaber and placed it on his belt.

You then watched as he came closer to the edge of the reflection, inspecting it. He then stepped forward through the threshold of your side. The reflection shattering behind him, like broken glass. As if he was actually trapped in a mirror. He approached you.

“Kitten, you look wonderful as an Empress.” He knelt down on one knee, taking your hand in his, kissing it. “I am unworthy to bask in your radiance. To grovel at your feet.”

You grabbed his face in your hands and brought your face to his, “Thank you Kylo, but that simply isn’t true.” You then kissed him deeply. This time you took dominance over the kiss, he submitted to your actions.

He moaned and broke the kiss for a moment. “Kitten,” his voice purred.

But before the dream could continue, you felt pressure behind your ear.

“Kitten, it’s time to wake up,” called the Kylo that was based in reality.

Your head felt as if it weighed a million pounds as you attempted to wake up. You could feel the tendrils shift as you did so. “Mmm, I don’t feel good.”

His hand carded through your hair, you felt the weight lessen, but not completely dissipate. “You can’t stay in bed all day.”

“Why not?” You turned on your side so your back was facing him.

“Because if you stay in bed, I’ll want to stay in bed. And then no progress gets done. And then we are that much father from you becoming Empress.”

“You mostly want me to become Empress so I’ll have sex with you,” you huffed.

“That isn’t the only reason. I think you would make a great Empress and that the galaxy isn’t worthy to have you rule over it.” His hands caressed down your sides, just as the tendrils caressed your mind.

“Fine, but I want to lay in bed until Adlez and Olivia-Rose get here.” He seemed content with this answer as he got up to get ready. Leaving you alone.

Even though you weren’t fully awake, and you felt the tendrils moving about you tried to process what you learned through the night. Your mind came up short as the tendrils kept shifting. You weren’t able to complete a stable thought.  

#kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo x you #a soul to mend his own #star wars #first order #star wars imagine #Star wars soulmate au #sw first order imagine #star wars first order

[goldenncherrybombb]

Hey dude, I was wondering, whenever you have time, and whenever you feel like it, could you maybe write a fluffy platonic bestfriend!harry with a reader who's like 17-18 and an actress who's in a movie and he writes a song for the movie so that's how they know each other, and they're doing the press tour of the movie together and an interviewer is being rude and Harry defends her?

Oh my gosh, I love this idea SO MUCH! I’m literally a sucker for best friend Harry, it’s my favorite thing to write.

Also sorry for taking a bit to reply, I’m still trying to figure out how to use tumblr, lol. And I changed her age to ab freshly 20 :p

any who, hope you like it!

-m

“And cut!” The director yells, and the bell goes off. Everyone is on the go as soon as he gives the cue. Y/n’s makeup team coming over to fix her hair and makeup.

“Do you guys think I’m doing good?” She questions, a little nervous about how well she is performing. She is a new actress after all, this is her first big Hollywood movie! After many failed auditions, and small parts on Netflix series she finally got herself a big role.

“You are doing amazing girl. No need to be nervous.” Her hair stylist, Anna, reassures her. Her makeup artist, jay, nodding his head in agreement.

“They love you, y/n. You were cast for a reason, girly. Now show em what you got.”

“Thank you guys.” She smiles at them and her cheeks redden at her friends compliments. The bell goes off and they all get ready to film the next scene.

The rest of the day goes well and on her way out she bumps into someone, too busy looking down at her scripts just to make sure she remembers everything. Her scripts and keys fall out of her arms and land on the ground, next to whoever she bumped into journal.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, that was totally my fault.” She quickly falls to bend her knees and pick up her things. The stranger bends next to her.

“‘S ok, I wasn’t paying attention either.” His voice sounds familiar. So fucking familiar. But she can’t put a finger on it. She looks up when she gathers her things. Her eyes meeting the strangers for the first time. “Oh I know you. Your the lead character, y/n l/n.” She smiles at, finding it strange that he recognizes her. Harry Styles. Harry styles recognizes her. And she decides that’s the coolest thing ever. “‘M actually writin’ a song for your movie.” They both stand to their full height and he hands her her keys.

“I heard about that! That must be super cool. I’ve always been super interested in music. Just wish I didn’t sound like a dying cat.” They both laugh lightly at that, and he shakes his head at her.

“Doubt that.”

“I wish your doubts were correct. But unfortunately they aren’t.” He just chuckles before he suddenly remembers something.

“I forgot to introduce myself. ‘M Harry.” He holds his hand out, and she takes it in hers and shakes his hand.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Harry. I’ve actually heard some of your stuff before. ‘M quite a fan of Fine Line.” He shyly smiles and their hands go back to their side.

“I don’t mean this in a weird way, but would you want to go grab some coffee?” She smiles and nods her head.

“Would love too.” He nods and gives her a smile before they turn to walk out. As they walk to his car, she assumes, she remembers something her coworkers briefly mentioned. “Aren’t you gonna have a small part in the movie?” She questions, looking over at him.

“Yeah actually, ‘m quite excited.”

“It’s gonna be fun. I saw Dunkirk so I know you will kill whatever scene you have. Aren’t you in a few with me and Andrea?” She questions.

“Five scenes total.” He informs her. “Then I have a few more with Timothee and Jeniffer.”

“That’ll be fun. We party a lot in those scenes.” She shimmies her shoulders when she says party to add some effect, and it does what she intends to and makes him laugh.

They reach Harry’s car and he takes them to a small cafe. They chat over tea and coffee, y/n also having a double chocolate chip muffin because she couldn’t resist. They talk about growing up, all things music, y/n’s career, Harry career. They both tell stories of the craziest moments they have so far in their journey of success. Both have a good time.

They get to know each other and at the end of the night they exchange numbers. He takes her back to set and drops her off by her car. He tells her goodnight and she does the same, smiling when she sat down in her car.

She hope she just made a new friend. They had so many things in common. From the way they dress, the music they like, their favorite food, etc. She thinks it’s safe to say the connected well at the small cafe and she hopes this is the start of them becoming close friends.

And they do end up becoming close friends over the six months they work together. Harry ended up coming to set more often than not, bringing lunch to y/n or eating the food they serve. They go back to her trailer and eat their food, catching up with each other, and sometimes having a food fight. Harry updates her on the songs he is writing, or the Gucci ads he has been modeling for. She tells him about the scene they filmed, or some small roles she has been offered. They also catch up, asking eachother about how their families are doing, making plans for later that night or if one of them had an event they wanted the other to accompany them too.

They both know each other’s families well. They spend the night at each other houses often. Harry takes her to the studios on her days off, showing her the process of recording. She instantly connects with Jeff as well since they both have a similar since if humor that includes teasing Harry on the regular.

But now the filming was done, and so was the editing. They were two weeks away from the release! Y/n was excited but also extremely nervous. But now they were all doing a press tour. And lucky for y/n, Harry got to tag along because of his small role and because he wrote most of the sound track for the movie.

They were about to go on another interview, this one just her and Harry. Their costars doing their own interviews scattered around the building. She was happy her and harry were partnered to do all the interviews today, it meant more time to goof off with him when they aren’t supposed to.

“Well first off I just want to say thank you guys for sitting down with me today.” The interviewers starts, his name y/n found out, is Ben.

“Thank you for having us.” They both say simultaneously.

“So let’s talk about the movie. I know y/n, you are a main character. Can you tell me what it’s like? Being new to the scene and working around men like Harry or Timothee? It’s got to be hard to contain yourself around the pair.” Y/n doesn’t know whether to scoff or smile through it and act like that wasn’t extremely sexist. But when she sees Harry visibly tense and his face harden she knows to just let it slide. She doesn’t want to start something that her manager will want to kill her for. So she bites her tounge.

“I don’t find it intimidating at all. Both of them are very talented, but I don’t find it intimidating. Especially not when they are you friends.” She puts an emphasis on friend.

“Harry, this is your second roll in a movie, and you wrote majority of the soundtrack, how was that? Do you think you will do more movies after this?” Y/n wants to roll her eyes. Of course he gets a normal question but she gets one asking if she could keep her legs closed around her best friend and costar.

“I enjoyed it. It got hectic and stressful at times. But I really enjoyed it and I enjoy acting and obviously writing and singing so I was glad I could do both.” The interviewer nods and this is how the next few questions go. Y/n getting questions like “which costar would you rather date?” “Did you have a crush on anyone while filming?” Really inappropriate and unprofessional questions. But Harry got questions about the writing process, what his favorite scene to film was, and so on. But it was obvious both of them were fed up with the interviewer asking her the types of questions he was. So after the third question Harry chimed in before y/n could come up with an answer that would answer it but not really answer it.

“‘M sorry, but are you gonna actually ask her about the movie? Or how her acting career has been going? Or just anything other than if she found someone hot or who she would mess around with? It’s quite unprofessional and it’s clearly making her uncomfortable.” The interviewer stills, his cheeks flushing. Even the camera crew stills and in the background I can hear jay clapping and saying “yes Harry” faintly. A small smile forms on her face and she looks over at her best friend, noticing how his gaze is strong as he looks at the interviewer with a penetrating gaze. Harry sounded very professional and calm when he told the interviewer off, but his eyes give away exactly how he feels.

“Right, my apologies y/n. But I think that’s actually a wrap.” He looks over at the director and nods.

He doesn’t even shake their hands before he leaves. He just scurries away with bright red cheeks as everyone’s eyes follow him.

“Thank you for that, H.” She smiles up at him before her arms go around his neck and his go around her waist.

“No need t’thank me. No lady should be asked those questions. It’s no ones business who yeh fancy, or whatever the fuck else he was trying to dig out of yeh. ‘S not the ass hats bloody business.” She chuckles and shakes her head, patting his back lightly.

“It’s ok, Harry. You already told him off, no need to get upset over it again.” She pulls back when she’s done talking and Harry huffs.

“Guess yer right.” She smiles at him and pats his head before they walk off set. As they leave the building she loops her arm around his waist and he does the same around her. Her head rests on his shoulder and his lays on hers as they leisurely walk outside.

“Wanna go get some ice cream?” She questions, already knowing his answer but wanting to see his reaction. His head pops up and he looks at her with wide eyes.

“Course I want t’get ice cream! Only mad men turn down ice cream.” She laughs and shakes her head before he stops in his tracks.

“Race you to the car, loser pays.” She squints her eyes at him and holds her hand out.

“Deal.” He goes to shake her hand but she pulls away and starts running towards Harry’s car.

“That’s not fair!” He chuckles, running a little bit behind her.

And in the end, Harry ends up paying for the ice cream with a pout on his face.

#goldenncherrybombasks #harry styles one shot #fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles blurbs #harry styles drabble #harrystylesconcept #bestfriend!harry

[lokigodofaces]

thoughts on loki ep 3: lamentis

under cut for your convenience

my first thought when i saw C-20 at the beginning was the Framework...i might be a bit too obsessed with an aos/Loki crossover...

C-20 was sorta able to find out something was wrong. from what Sylvie said, that's pretty impressive.

i wonder if Sylvie uses magic similar to Wanda's. like if Wanda just uses it on a bigger scale. the mind illusions thing checks out. and i saw on youtube that another patron looks like Evan Peters, so maybe they're connected? but most likely they just hired a dude that happens to look like Evan Peters.

going back to that, the glitch in C-20's illusion was like the glitches in WandaVision

if this really is similar to Wanda in canon, that means Sylvie and other Lokis might be nexus beings (y'know, the very thing i shout about in tags because i want)

Okay, so Sylvie tried to enchant a minuteman, which means she must have assumed the TVA operates on the same physics as the timeline. So neither Lokis thought magic could possibly be impeded.

good action sequence with Sylvie and minutemen and Sylvie and Loki

dudes...Renslayer can't fight. she literally did a horrible job.

Sylvie really thought the TVA valued Loki and that they really wanted/needed him to stop her. so she threatened to kill him, just for Renslayer to give the go ahead. shows how little the TVA cares and it echoes Odin.

Lamentis 1 sounded cool because that is a very sci-fi-ey name. It means the star the planet orbits is called Lamentis and the planet is the closest planet. That's how we name lots of planets outside the solar system. so i appreciated that.

okay, lamentis is literally just the bi flag. but still lots of purple so i will claim it as ace as well.

teleportation! and actual magic! yay!

okay, are they setting up a Loki/Sylvie romance? the way they framed the two when Sylvie tried to enchant Loki was how it's often done with kisses

Sylvie said with strong minds she has to do what she did to C-20 to enchant them, but she couldn't even do that with Loki. Which shows how powerful Loki is and how powerful the mind stone is.

i will die for more of Loki and Sylvie being chaotic together

Sylvie she said is an alias. Does this mean she is genderfluid but is female more often than male? i'm told some genderfluids are one gender more than the other, and i've considered Hiddleston's Loki to be predominantly male. Could Sylvie be the other way around? & born Loki but haven't changed her name? or have different names for different genders? and doesn't want to be called Loki when she's female because that's not her name as a woman?

literally i can't tell if they're setting up romance or sibling stuff.

i never thought i'd hear the word "savvy" from Loki. but, hey, if Jack Sparrow can say it, i'll allow it.

the effects for the gun that woman used look similar to Daisy Johnson's quakes. for a second i hoped for an aos crossover, but then i remembered that marvel hates it's non-Disney+ series.

i like the differences between Loki and Sylvie. Loki is less confrontational and more likely to mischief his way when Sylvie is more likely to rip the bandaid off and get it over with, if that makes sense. i think that Sylvie might just be so tired from living on the run, only going to apocalypses that she just wants to get it over with.

love is a serious theme throughout this episode. again, are they setting up a Loki/Sylvie romance? or will it be platonic or familial or something else?

Loki is very clearly not okay with the fact that so many people are being left to die, and i'm here for it

so the whole thing to get on the train i think is setting those two up to be a good duo. between illusions and enchantments, they can do a lot. and Loki was able to get them part of the way, and Sylvie the rest. i think it could be foreshadowing both of them needing to use their skills to work together.

never have your back to a door, i guess

Sylvie's reaction to Loki saying he wasn't told he was adopted. man, she was worried. she knows that that is messed up and i think she feels bad for Loki. she's probably imagining how her life would be different if she didn't know she was adopted.

sounds like Odin and Frigga weren't the adopters of Sylvie. Maybe the Lushtons? i don't know anything about them, just that Lushton is Sylvie's last name in the comics. so, yay for her for not having trash parents. unless they were, then sorry for Sylvie. at least they told her she was adopted. but if the Lushtons adopted her, how did they fall across a frost giant? especially the daughter of Laufey?

i've seen suggestions that the post man Sylvie is with could be Stan Lee since a couple cameos were of him as a post man. Maybe a younger post man, but he has less of a lifespan (if he is actually human in universe. i still like to think of him as the One Above All who just really likes to see the drama of things) than Sylvie, so she could be with him for a long time. maybe that's why Stan is always cameoing. he's just trying different things to try to find his love. and maybe he has a longer lifespan (he was in First Avenger) but not as long as Sylvie's so she still was there for most his life but he's dying soon. I actually like this headcanon a lot, i think it's sweet.

YAS BISEXUAL LOKI YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM! but i'm also scared my parents will find out. they're anti-queer. my siblings saw it, & they aren't supportive either but they operate on an "ignore it" policy, so they don't really care as long as it isn't a big deal.

also it is heavily hinted Sylvie is bi as well.

yes, i will continue to headcanon Loki as greyromantic and asexual. deal with it. i will change my language from panromantic to biromantic since the director specifically said he was bi.

also, it sounded like the director might be bi as well. good for her, taking a character she saw as bi and literally making it canon.

i knew Tom could sing, he was on Broadway. but i had never heard him sing i don't think. he has a good voice. petition to make a musical with Loki. watch the episode "Duet" of The Flash. i want something similar to that. can Sophia sing? throw her in too if she can!

translation of the norwegian suggests romance between Loki and Sylvie

was i expecting an "ANOTHER" reference? no. am i glad we got it? yeah, that was a nice touch.

turns out "full" means drunk in Norwegian according to a youtuber? but don't quote that. Loki says he's full, not drunk at one point.

what were they serving on that train? Thor couldn't get drunk on Earth. heck, Steve couldn't. so it must've been a heck of a drink they were serving

ok, the dagger metaphor i actually really liked. could be a shakespeare reference?

the fireworks thing with Frigga was cute

okay, i don't like Frigga much, but this has confirmed that Frigga was, maybe possibly, better than Odin. Frigga at least believed in Loki. but then her betrayal was so much worse.

wait, i just realized. Loki gets a fight scene on a train. a superhero genre staple is a fight on a moving vehicle (bonus if it's a train). yay! Loki hasn't had this trope yet in any of his appearances. off screen before Infinity War, and i don't count his attempt to murder Thanos on the Statesman. but we can add that to his list of superhero tropes.

i feel like the TVA needs to make stronger tempads...

okay, Loki threw the dagger horribly because he was drunk, right?they aren't saying he has horrible aim, are they?

falling out of a moving vehicle is also a superhero trope...at least it went better for them than it did Bucky

i relate to Sylvie screaming in the middle of nowhere

Loki being gentle with Sylvie and letting her talk to him. gosh. i love it. was not expecting to see Loki from my fics make an appearance.

Sylvie explained the enchantment to Loki, which i think was a poor decision for her.

she said C-20's mind was hard to navigate to her original memories. maybe the TVA does something to the TVA agents that join them. maybe if Loki proved useful, they'd do it to Loki.

or maybe variants lose memory over time. Sylvie says something about her memory being like blips of a dream, but I don't remember the context. maybe over time variants lose their memories and only retain a few things. Sylvie is well down that process, Loki has had hardly any change, and those working for the TVA only have a few things to remind them.

Mobius absolutely was a jet ski enthusiast in the '90's when he was arrested, and he loved Josta.

Casey liked Boku juice, a sign he was from the '90's.

whoever makes the uniforms is from whatever period that style of suit was popular ('80's?).

if anyone isn't a variant, it's Renslayer. she knows more than she should, i'm sure of it.

C-20 likes margaritas now, i'm sure of it.

Mobius has an interesting relationship with Renslayer. I wasn't sure if it was romantic or what. Maybe Renslayer looks like his lover from the '90's so he is flirty with her because of the faint memories he has.

Loki immediately catches on to the TVA agents not knowing they're variants. they think the Time Keepers created them. he knows that, Sylvie didn't. this immediately tells Loki that the Time Keepers are messed up.

possible redemptions for Mobius? B-15? C-20? when they find out they're variants?

so does C-20 know now? she kept saying "it was real" when Mobius found her in Roxxcart. maybe she had dreams of her life before, and Sylvie showed her that they were real?

the whole scene in the city was wild. so much color, lights, people, action, it was wild

Loki being protective of Sylvie, helping her up and wrapping his arm around her, i'm here for it.

loved the bit where Loki used telekinesis to stop the tower from falling on them.

there was a bit where Loki and Sylvie fought & their moves mirrored each other and gosh that was a nice touch.

Loki's reaction to the Ark's destruction. standing there in defeat while Sylvie walks away. wow. Tom. you are amazing.

and what the heck why did the episode end there?

can't wait for the next episode

more of TVA being evil being shown, loving it.

really, is Loki/Sylvie a thing? i have a hard time seeing romance some times, so let me know.

can we please get a Kang tease?

great lighting & cinematography. beautiful. lovely. also good action. shout out to the stunt doubles since they don't get enough credit.

okay let Loki & Sylvie be friends (or lovers, i'm fine with that) and let them burn the TVA down together.

aaaaaaaaaaa how are we half way through?

also, have the TVA fixed all the messed up timelines yet?

oh wait i gotta talk about this. the minutemen don't remember their names. i doubt Mobius's name was Mobius Mobius Mobius. Casey is probably not his real name. The Clone Wars fan in me was already screaming, but now it is even more.

#loki (2021) #loki (2021) spoilers #loki (2021) review #loki laufeyson #tva loki #sylvie laufeysdottir #mobius m mobius #ravonna renslayer #hunter c-20 #hunter b 15

[queenharumiura]

B, E, L, P, H, A, G, O, R

Taken from meme: [x] ||Accepting|| ((I see what you did there and it’s beautiful. A++ ))

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

In regards to KHR, it’s hard to find any ship that I didn’t consider, because there was a time when I went crazy thinking of all sorts of ships (boy/boy, boy/girl, girl/girl. Don't test me). Still, there is an answer because this ship started it all. Hibari x Haru lol. At the time they were my favorite female and male character in KHR. My friend joked and said, “If you love them both so much, just ship them together.” History was made that day. Coincidentally I’ve cosplayed both. I will never show them off because they aren’t good lol. That started my descent down: This is fun, let’s ship almost anything I can find. Ships didn't necessarily have to be romantic either. I love exploring friendships and also just sibling dynamics as well. Haru adopting people? Yes please. 

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

I feel like I’m a troll in general, so I have added something cracky to any fandom that I’m in. Two things I can think of atop my head are ‘you reblogged a dare meme and you dare think I won’t ask Mukuro/Hibari/Alaude/Daemon to wear cat ears? HA!!!! YOU THOUGHT!!’. Another would be that I like puns, so if I see my chance to pun in a meme, I will. I always ask first before I send, however. It usually results in silliness, as you could imagine and Haru running away in fear.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

I guess I’m neutral about Dr.Shamal so he should count? Mn...despite the way he is with women and the way he refuses to treat male patients, he’s a smart guy and talented at what he does. He was also utilized well in putting Gokudera’s character into perspective more. Additionally, he is a good example of, ‘Haru will punch you out if you cross the boundaries,’ and I appreciate him for that. His sacrifice wasn’t in vain. Never forget how he is the reason why Mukuro was able to use Sakura blossoms against Hibari in the first place. This man--- the damage he has caused.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

I’m assuming this is asking for me to create an AU for Haru as she’s placed in a different fandom. If that’s correct, I am going to casually pretend that I don’t know the difference between a fandom and a genre by going: “I’ve been reading way too many isekai recently and I think it would be funny to consider Haru getting sent to an otome or something and her being a super sassy and head strong FL. Watch her instantly try to change her identity or run away from bad male leads with all her might. I would live for this, thank you. Haru is also smart and adapts well, so she’d be able to adapt to whatever world setting she’s put in and she doesn’t hate studying, so she’d be able to pick up on the intricacies of her new world. Mainly, I just want a FL who will actually smack the life out of a ML if he’s being a POS. I NEED THIS. It’s emotional healing.

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

I really like sourcing things in novels or manga/manhwa/manhua a lot. Animated sources are good too, but it’s much quicker for me to go through something that’s written, so I tend to prefer those now days. Anything that’s easier for me to binge is A+.

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I’m answering strictly based off this blog in it’s current state, else you’ll be here forever. If I talk about ships in KHR in general, you’ll actually be here forever. No @ tags bc I’m feeling shy today. I personally love the dynamic between Gokudera and Haru (platonic or romantic). I’ve historically liked BelHaru, and it looks like it may become a thing in RPC as well. Haru is warily staring from a comfortable distance atm. Haru has a friendly relationship with a Byakuran at the moment. They’re baking a cake! She is generally very friendly with any Tsuna I encounter.

Ravein/Pino… yeah, I self-thread sometimes. Haru has a sibling kinda dynamic with Ravein which is really just a friendship dynamic. It’s the same with Pino. Mizumachi and Haru are both energetic, hyper buddies. Hibari—I aim for just a casual lowkey friendship kinda dynamic. Shame in self-threading? Never heard of her.

The best way to describe her relationship with Zelman in a ‘Black Blood Brothers’ au is ‘hey I just moved into the territory you lord. Hello!’ I think this would go down a friendship route and I’m so for it. Kajika from ‘Hanasakeru Seishonen’ has a friendship with Haru and they just get along swimmingly well. I think the mun for Rentaro ‘Black Bullet’ returned, so I think he can count. Haru has a friendship with him and they’re cooking buddies! They joined a cooking association together!

Haru also has friendships with Emi (KHR oc), and Luca (KHR oc), both of which are in the Varia!au setting that I have for Haru. Emi in particular, Haru has decided to adopt her as a little sis and will pummel anyone who bullies her. Luca--- sometimes in conjunction with Ravein (my OC) drive Haru insane. It’s a trio of dumb, dumbest, and ‘hey I’m the dumbest!’.

The ‘ships’ that I have with Haru are usually always friendship and ‘hey I’m arbitrarily adopting you’ and I love it.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

Eh--- in RPC, my very first one... I believe, was GokuHaru. I currently have a GokuHaru (A different blog) in an AU for a TYL setting. I think I got very close to HibaHaru before, which is, a guilty pleasure ship of mine. Haru is treading into BelHaru territory right now in RPC and that is also, a guilty pleasure ship of mine. In the distant past there was also a TsuHaru (I know, I know, shocking) which was a reincarnated lovers Yakuza AU. That was a fun one. Also in the distant past, there was an AU for a MukuHaru as well. Le kek. I am a multi-ship blog and all ships have existed in different worlds/universes, therefore they all quality as an OTP in their own specific verse. I cheated, yes.

Pro-tip: I may warily stare from afar if shipping is a topic, but the moment you suggest an AU SHIP? I’m down. To further explain, these AU ships have always taken place in a very different timeline/world than what we know in KHR. So therefore I can feel all the freedom to do as I please and figure out characterizations based off what I need.  

PS. in regard to KHR in general, my first OTP was GokuHaru and GokuYama. Le kek.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

I took my library of songs and randomized. I got: ‘Get Off My Back’ by Bryan Adams and Eliot Kennedy. So, by the vibe of the music, the first things that come to mind are either GokuHaru or BelHaru, I’m not going to lie. Now… who is saying these words, I’ll leave it to the imagination. I really like this song, but I really like the cover by Jonathan Young.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Oh—that’s hard. Friendship dynamics are so fun! I really like Ryohei and Hibari’s dynamic together which could be depicted as friendship. The friendship between a lot of the guardians is just //chef kiss. However, the TRUE SHOW STOPPER in my heart is the friendship between the girls. I really love how all the girls build each other up and always support each other. I love it so much. Especially when the girls are there for Chrome, I CRY. When they support Yuni, I CRY. When I think about how big sis Bianchi looks after the girls and teaches them things- I CRY. I just cry. I love all the friendships in KHR, but the ones the girls share with each other wins in my book. I don’t take criticisms.

#Belacedia #Meme answered #answered ask #thanks for the ask! #Neo speaks #((Phew-- this took me a while but I did it)) #((Got pretty long but I mean what else did we expect?))

[raindropsduringthesunset]

Share Tea With Me (Can't We Watch The Stars?) (TSS Fateful Fae AU)

Ao3 ~~~ Wattpad

First Part, Last Part, Next Part

Characters: Virgil, Logan, Janus, Roman (mentioned), Remus (mentioned), Patton (mentioned)

Relationships: Analogical (Platonic), Analogical (Romantic?), Anxciet (Platonic), Anxceit (Romantic?), Loceit (Platonic), Analoceit (Platonic), Analoceit (Romantic?)

TW: neglect (mentioned), wishing death upon someone (mentioned), panic attack, crying, anger (brief, not directed)

cw: Remus (brief showing) (sympathetic), Janus (sympathetic), Patton (brief showing) (sympathetic), kissing (forehead, platonic), fear, exhaustion, food

Summary: Logan understood many things, but perhaps he has more to learn.

~~~

Logan had learned to not care anymore. He wasn’t unempathetic or unsympathetic- no no, those weren't the right words. He honestly wasn’t quite sure if there was a word for how he treated his empathy. So he settled with repressed. The word had a connotation that didn’t fit perfectly, but it fit enough. It wasn’t that bad; just a way to get shit done for once.

When he was younger there was never a time that he truly had to care. He was carefree, without any responsibilities quite yet. At that age, he’d settled for reading and researching when he had spare time- not that anything had changed over the years in that regard. Logan had always had a knack for picking up information and a talent for staying quiet. He used that to his advantage when he used to go to fae meetings.

He would hear one fae make a passive-aggressive remark toward another one, take note of when the selkies whispered to each other, pay close attention to the higher ranking faes eye movement. When you’re a young fae, there’s not much you can do other than observe while you wait for your magic and traits to grow in. It didn’t help that Logan, while a quick study, was a slow grower.

While he was far more mature than any of his clan- with the possible exception of J- could ever be, he always managed to get assumed to be the youngest at fae events. During the occasional poly-realm ball, Logan would constantly get assumed to be a new fae.

While most would find the assumption of youth flattering, Logan found it to be quite annoying. Why shouldn’t his maturity be reflected in his appearance? To be fair, Logan had full control over his human appearance, but his fae appearance was far too complex for him to break down enough to transform. Too much light, too many parts, too many oddities. He’ll stay comfortable with a human body that is malleable.

Now with V around, he wasn’t the youngest anymore- not by a long shot. V wasn’t that much younger than all of them- not when comparing fae years to V’s human years. At most V was about a year or two younger than Logan.

Logan thought it was… interesting. He by no means was going to make V a test subject. That wasn’t his place- nor anybody’s for that matter. He just found it so… fascinating how quickly humans aged yet how young they could appear to be. Logan tested a few things once V had arrived, checking outside of the realm every few days to see how the world aged and then checking on V. V was a passive test subject, not fully aware that he was participating in an experiment.

‘Experiment,’ J would kill Logan if he heard him refer to spending time with V as an experiment. Logan quickly realized that calling V anything other than a human was not his place. He found it appropriate considering that V, of course, was sentient and very capable of making his own decisions.

There weren’t many things that Logan didn’t understand. That was his ‘talent’. Apparently his clan- a chorus of very capable and powerful fae- lacked basic understanding in some- most- fields. Logan hated to sound self-conceited but the majority of his clan had… a different type of intelligence to put it lightly. The others had emotional intelligence, Logan had practical intelligence.

He supposed that was why he hadn’t tried to speak to V one-on-one until he had fully acclimated. Humans were very emotional beings. They made decisions and connections based on feelings more than facts. Logan somewhat admired that, it was interesting to see how humans were just so affected by emotions. V was a small example, emotionally attaching himself to J the moment the others were out of the way. J seemed to be far from complaining, happily taking the mortal under his wing.

Perhaps Logan wanted to know what it would be like to take V under his wing. He boiled down the urge to just wanting to study him more. Humans were interesting. Logan had many books about humans in his library- which in itself was very large- but none of them seemed to set out a full picture for him to analyze. Still, he managed to grasp at least a basic understanding.

There were very few things that Logan didn’t understand. He took great pride in that.

LINEBREAK

Logan ate quietly, chiming into the conversation sweeping over the table every so often. Pat had cooked supper that night, just a soup and sandwich. V was still getting used to regular foods and no one was very keen on accidentally triggering a possible allergy.

V sat across the table from Logan, J next to him. The two softly whispered to each other, J occasionally smirking a little bit and glancing up to the others at the table. V picked at his food, taking a bite every minute or so. Logan pursed his lips.

He wished V would eat more- or at least more often. Janus hadn’t gotten him to eat three meals even after a week of trying. When he would get the hang of eating, the boy was seemingly a metaphorical bottomless pit, but until then he seemed to barely be able to stomach even the thinnest broth.

“L?” J asked from over the table, “Would you possibly like to accompany us to tonight’s full moon? I’m aware that you will be staying up to observe it and I do not wish for you to be alone.”

Logan stared at the two across from him, thinking for a moment. His eyes managed to catch V’s for a microsecond, but that was enough for him.

“Of course, I’d be pleased to have you two- um,” Logan looked at his notebook for a moment, “ tag along…?” He looked over to the Prince and waited for his nod before returning his attention to J.

“Wonderful,” J moved his gaze back down to V, leaning down a little to whisper something in his ear. Logan watched as V nodded and picked up his spoon again, eating more of his soup. A loud clink sounded at the other end of the table causing the three of them to jump, the Duke looking over with a guilty look on his face.

“Sorry, Princy here thought it would be a good idea to hit my arm while I was eating.” The Duke sent a teasing glare to his brother, earning an exasperated scoff.

“Since when have you eaten soup with utensils and not just drank it from the bowl?” L asked, his face pinching together.

“I don’t know, I just felt like it today.”

“Sure, you totally weren’t trying to impress- hey!” The Prince’s teasing was cut off by the Duke elbowing him with a newfound smile.

“Kiddos, no play at the table.” Pat hummed before taking a bite of his sandwich. Logan rolled his eyes and stirred his soup.

TIME SKIP

Logan looked up at the sky, a warm hue of deep and dark blues capturing his gaze as he attempted to stare through the stars to see a planet that was supposed to be visible that week. He had a telescope but he preferred to not use it as his eyes had always been quite keen.

The chains on his glasses tickled his cheeks as he tilted his head back. The cold feeling of the quartz and gemstone beads ghosted his cheeks in a faux kiss from the crystals. The stars sparkled and reflected off his lenses, the light glimmering in his eyes.

“I do hope we aren't too late,” A voice- Janus- called as he walked into the field, V close on his heels. Logan tore his gaze away from the sky, shifting to look at the two.

“You need not worry, you haven't missed a thing,” Logan looked to V, “Good evening little one, I'm pleased you wished to join me.”

“Tha-,” V cut himself short, “I am grateful that you allowed my presence.”

“Oh darling, do stop with the formalities. Just relax for a bit, will you, my darling?” Janus rubbed his hand against V’s back smiling when he leaned into the pressure. Logan rolled his eyes at his fellow fae and returned his gaze to the sky.

The stars seemed to glimmer with newfound vigor, sending sharp waves of dark green over the sky that Logan was sure V could not see. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Janus helping the mortal get comfortable, taking off his cloak and folding it carefully before placing it on the ground.

You’re so meticulous with him.

Oh shut it and get on with whatever space tangent you have planned.

Watch your tone, Logan teased, his eyes locking with Janus’s.

Or what?

“You know,” Logan looked at the moon, “The moon, while it appears very white, is actually a soft yellow. Tell me little one, have mortals like you made it to space quite yet?” V blushed and shifted from foot to foot, words getting caught in his throat before he coughed them out.

“No, we haven't. I’m sure if humans went to space we would never believe the stories told by the explorers.” Logan hummed in acknowledgment.

“It’s not often that people truly believe stories, whether or not they are from reliable sources. The stories that I have seen humans believe have been purely nonsensical,” Logan cringed and glanced at V, “No offense intended.”

“None received. I understand why you have only seen examples like that. It’s not like you’re wrong,” V laughed to himself, making the two faes hearts leap and bound, “I’ve heard some… intense stories of my own…” The mood seemed to darken.

Janus and Logan looked between each other, both internally debating whether or not to change the subject. They watched as V slowly sat onto Janus’s coat, brushing his fingertips softly over the grass and its carefully grown ferns and fibers.

“The moon looks so big…” V muttered, letting out a shaky breath. A question begged on his tongue, his eyebrows knitting together. Logan pursed his lips and shrugged off his coat, placing it on the floor below him.

“The moon does tend to appear fairly large on nights like these. It does help that the sky is wonderfully dark tonight- and of course our setting assists in its clarity.”

“If you wish to ask a question, please do so. It would be a pleasure to answer any inquiries you may have.”

“Oh- uh… I was just wondering...” V tilted his head up to look at the sky. His face morphed slowly, unreadable to LOgan as he thought for a long moment before shaking his head.

“It’s alright. I… I’m not sure what I would ask you anyway.”

Logan and Janus exchanged a look over V before Logan nodded his head and glided through the grass to the telescope.

Taking off his glasses, Logan bent down slightly, gripping the body of the tool gently before putting the lens to his eye and closing his other. After a few moments of gently twisting the focus piece, he finally got the telescope to focus on the moon. The surface looked close enough to touch. It felt as if he could pluck the moon from the sky. Logan imagined what it would be like to touch the moon.

Perhaps it would be smooth, rolling gently in his hand leaving a residue of gray and tan in the crevices of his palm. Maybe it would be rough, like a dry ball of fragile mud, its craters leaving indents in his fingers. He knew it was illogical to imagine simply taking the moon from the sky like a berry from a bush, but the hypothetical of the situation was too interesting to ignore.

“Go ahead, ask.” Logan heard a soft encouragement from Janus, a quieter whisper from V attempting to counter it, “Darling, I swear by my honor that he would never be cross over you for wondering.”

Logan stood up straight, turning his head to look at V who was still trying to quietly reason with Janus as to why no he could not ask Logan a question, are you insane?

“If you have something to ask please go ahead little one, I truly do not mind.”

V’s body snapped to look at Logan, a surprised look in his eyes as he took a step back into Janus. He jumped at the feeling of a pair of gloved hands on his back, gently pushing him forward.

“Um- I- um,” V shifted from foot to foot, “Can I… May I use the telescope?”

“Of course! Humans have more… inefficient eyesight if I remember correctly, yes?” Logan asked, stepping to the side. Janus sent him a quick look before lowering his eyes back to the mortal.

“We uh- yeah.” L nodded and gestured down to the telescope, “How do I- where do I look?” V asked, a blush crossing his face.

“Just look through this eyepiece right here with one eye and close the other, if you wish to change the focus just rotate this right here.”

V strode up and hesitantly reached out, gently taking the body of the telescope in his hands with a feather-like touch. Slowly, he bent down to look through the telescope. The sky appeared a brilliant black, the moon radiating light.

Stars twinkled just past the focus, the faint sight of a plant he couldn’t remember the name of to the left of the moon. Perhaps he could ask Lo… Wait. A fist in his chest tightened on his heart as he spent more time looking. He tore himself away from the telescope, a pit of guilt settling in his stomach as he realized the fae were staring at him.

“I didn’t mean to… I apologize if I looked for too long.” V twidled with his hands.

“Oh little one, it’s quite alright. I can’t fault you for wanting to look- I offered after all. If you wish, you can look longer.” Logan reassured, a gentle smile gracing his features before he steeled his features. Despite his attempts at calming V’s worry, he stepped away from the telescope and wandered over to Janus, stepping behind him.

The three eventually grew more comfortable as the night grew darker and the moon posed itself about them. V laid in the grass, blinking up at the twinkling sky with his lips slightly parted. Janus sat on a stump beside V that he insists was there before he tried to down- oh please L, may we just move past it? Logan was busying himself with studying the planet beside the moon. The wind blew intermediately, keeping the three of them cool. A serine calm washed through like a rain shower, seeping deep under Logan’s skin as he scanned the sky.

Time seemed to pass slower in the moment as V slowly closed his eyes, letting the exhaustion built up over weeks of little sleep pull him into a deep pool of serenity.

“Is he asleep?” Logan asked, glancing over to V. Janus looked up from where he was busy sewing up a shirt and looked over V for a moment.

“I believe so.”

“Oh… He looks quite peaceful when sleeping. Younger, perhaps, is an appropriate word.” Logan said, tilting his head slightly as V’s nose scrunched up at the feeling of stray grass brushing against it. Janus hummed in agreement and slowly stood, dusting off his coat and letting out a low breath.

“I feel now may be a good enough time as any to take V to bed. We’re both thankful for you allowing us to take your time,” Janus thanked, bending down to gently place his hand on V’s arm.

He muttered a quiet, darling, may I carry you to your room? Which was followed shortly by a soft hum and V reaching one of his hands to take one of Janus’s in an attempt to sit up.

Logan watched, his heart aching with something he wished he knew how to identify, as Janus helped V stand and subsequently swept him up and carefully carried him. Janus draped his cloak over V as he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head before beginning to walk away towards the path. Logan took in a shaky breath and closed his eyes for a long moment.

Perhaps it was an appropriate time for him to turn in for the night as well.

TIME SKIP

V cursed quietly under his breath, falling forward slightly as he reached for the top of a cabinet. His attempts to reach the cups always seemed to be fruitless as he would eventually either have to climb up onto the counter or wait for a fae to wander into the kitchen and offer to get a cup down for him.

“If you would like some assistance I’m more than happy to-”

“HOLY FUCK-” V stumbled back, falling flat on his ass with a plop that made his head hurt.

“I apologize for startling you, that was not my intention,” Logan said from the doorway. At some point, he had entered the room, and V, somehow despite his typically sharp sense of perception had missed his entry.

“It’s fine,” V pushed himself up, rubbing his temples and the space above his eyebrows gently, “and… Yes, I would like some help.”

Logan strode gracefully across the kitchen and effortlessly took a pair of glasses from the shelf, handing one to V and placing his own on the counter below. He chose to ignore when V muttered under his breath, “Stupid fae and their stupidly long arms- not fair.” Logan let out a soft breath, a smile twisting at his lips at the comment.

“Would you like some tea? I always seem to make more than needed.” That was a… slight lie. Logan always made extra in case any of the others- more notably J- may like a cup. He was always more than happy to share with his friends.

“I, um… Sure?” V shrugged as he reached up once more and grabbed one of the far more accessible plates before pausing and taking down a second one.

The two worked separately; Logan boiling the water before placing in the tea leaves to steep, V buttering two buns before placing them on their respective plates. Logan hummed in satisfaction as he strained the tea and added a little bit of honey to both cups.

As domestic and comfortable as the energy of the room was, V couldn’t shake the tense feeling of his shoulders being hunched. He was so frustrated that he couldn’t just relax. He knew he was safe… didn’t he?

“Here you go. I hope you enjoy it, though it is alright if you don’t fancy the flavor,” Logan gently placed V’s glass in front of him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Oh, uh, here.” V slid one of the plates to the side, catching Logan by surprise.

“Little one, you didn’t have to.”

“I-... I wanted to. It felt right.” V interrupted, his shoulders tense as he awaited Logan’s reaction.

“Well then, I appreciate your kindness. I do quite enjoy these buns, to be honest,” Logan carefully picked up the plate, “I wish to eat with you if you are alright with that.”

“Yes- Yes, of course.”

V followed Logan as he wandered through the off door of the kitchen, entering the dining room beside him. The two sat down quietly next to each other, looking up every so often to acknowledge when a new fae would enter the room. The Prince and Duke simply bowed and took their respective spots across from the two. Pat waved excitedly and sat beside the Prince. J raised an eyebrow and moved to sit next to V, dropping a biscuit on his plate with a throwaway remark about how he should be eating more.

“V?” Logan asked as he placed his glass on top of his plate, scooting his chair back.

“Yes?”

“Would you perhaps like to join me tonight to study the moon again?”

“... Sure.”

LINEBREAK

It quickly became a routine for Logan and V- and Janus of course- to go watch the stars together at least once a week. Not that the routine had been happening for a while. They really wouldn’t interact much during the time they would spend out in the field, instead favoring observing the sky in silence.

After about a month the three had grown comfortable enough to share casual conversation. Sometimes Logan or Janus would tell a story about the fae, V always captivated by their colorful language and unusual tales. Not once though had V spoken a story of his own, though neither of the fae were making a living attempt to get him to do so.

Sometimes V would get so close to sharing a story before he would catch himself and quickly change the subject, tensing up after. Maybe, he thought, he should tell them something- anything really. He felt that they deserved to know something, even if V knew damn well that they were not going to like what they hear.

LINEBREAK

Logan had expected neither J nor V to come to visit him that evening. The two of them had had a long day, busy with things that Logan had decided were none of his business to know. It truly wasn’t his business, but when he saw the two of them at supper, their exhausted and slightly sad demeanors throwing off the entire table.

As much as Logan wished to check in on the two’s health, he figured that perhaps with how closed off they were it was best to leave them be. Even if the bags under their eyes made his heart ache.

While he knew well that J and V needed sleep, he did feel rather lonely at the moment. The lack of a questioning remark or warm body to simply spend the hours with left Logan feeling forlorn. He debated for a moment possibly waking Pat or even one of the twins before simply sighing and looking back down at his notebook to return to his sky mapping.

The wind blew harder that night, an occasional clear-skyed drizzle of dew dropping every once in a while. Logan could feel the tall grass bush its gentle bristles against his ankles, tickling the skin like a kiss from nature.

Logan cursed under his breath as he dotted incorrectly, only waiting a moment before using his magic to clear the ink from the page. His perfectionism never ceased he supposed.

A soft sniffle sounded a few meters away from Logan, him pausing his writing in curiosity. After a few moments of silence, he shook his head and resumed his work. Just as his pen touched the page a shaky exhale echoed closer to him, the soft brushing of grass and ferns rubbing against fabric trekking closer.

He raised his head to the sound and was shocked to find eye contact with none other than V. He assessed his body for a moment, taking in the tear tracks and red friction rashes that painted V’s face.

“Are you alright?” Logan found himself asking. V shrugged in response and shifted from foot to foot. Logan bit his lip and thought for a moment, glancing around the stargazing space.

“Do you perhaps wish to stay with me?” V nodded, hesitating before walking forward and stopping only a few feet away from Logan. Logan shrugged off his coat and shook it out before handing it carefully to V, smiling gently when he took it with a grateful nod.

V managed to settle on a dry patch of dirt- Logan refused to admit that he used his magic just for him to sit. V took the coat and wrapped it around his shoulders, holding the hands with a white-knuckled grip.

“Would you like to speak of what ails you?” Logan gently kneeled down as to not tower over the mortal.

V gazed up at him, the light behind his eyes morphic as if his soul were aching to tell him what was wrong. To Logan’s dismay, V broke their eye contact to look down at a flower, shaking his head just the smallest bit.

“‘Jus don’ wanna be alone,” V’s voice quavered, “Please?”

A sharp spike of pain shot its way through Logan’s heart. V’s shoulders trembled, him flinching when Logan reached forward before retracting his hand and shuffling to sit next to V.

“I won’t leave, I promise- it’s alright,” Logan soothed, keeping his eyes on the human for a few moments before tearing his gaze away. V spared a few glances to his side before slouching and allowing his body to relax.

The two sat in silence, the sky eventually recapturing Logan’s attention- though a part of him stayed focused on V’s presence. He glanced over to V for a moment before pulling his notebook out again and attempting to pick up where he had left off.

Out of the corner of Logan’s eye, he could see V staring down at the journal. He tilted his notebook towards V so he could see the drawing better while carefully drawing a faint line against the parchment, connecting two stars.

“Would you be interested in listening to my ramblings?” Logan asked with a gentle hum. V blinked up at him before nodding and scooting a bit closer.

“It’s easy to see the sky this time of year, I usually take the time to map the sky in this weather. You see,” Logan flipped the pages, showcasing a few very slightly different maps, “I do this once a month- I started this a few centuries ago. The earth orbits oh so slightly around the sun every day, changing the sky in such a way that you can practically never get the same image of the stars twice.

“Look here- This constellation, Taurus, is visible this time of year. If you look at the moon at the moment, the brightest star in the constellation, Aldebaran, is positioned close to the bottom left. Do you see it?” V nodded while looking to the sky. Logan smiled at the way the stars seemed to sparkle in his eyes, a newfound smile gracing V’s lips.

Logan continued to sketch and explain what each line meant, on occasion directing V’s gaze to a specific star or constellation. About an hour into their shared time, Logan felt the mortal lean his head against his shoulder, his eyes half-lidded and tired before fluttering closed. Logan smiled softly at the feeling of V’s warm body beside his. His lips tingled in a way he couldn’t make sense of. Logan turned his head and gently place a kiss on V’s forehead, resting his lips on the skin for a long moment before returning to quietly writing.

His chest burst with flurries of stardust and bliss. Later that evening Logan would have to scoop V up and take him back to his room, but for now to bask in the feeling of V beside him.

TIME SKIP

The following week, V seemed to open up more. While the emotion and nerves seemed to exhaust him by the end of the day, he still managed to spend the nights of the week out with Logan and Janus to watch the meteor shower.

“Did you know meteor showers are also referred to as shooting stars or star showers?” Logan tipped. V smiled and raised his eyebrows.

“Really? Well- I like star shower more than meteor shower. It sounds… Prettier.” He justified, Janus and Logan nodding in agreement. V shifted his gaze between the two fae before directing his gaze to the sky with wistful bliss coating his body.

“How do you just… know this stuff?”

“Humans haven’t discovered much of space- or any of it from what I’ve observed. But fae are a bit more… advanced than humans.” Logan explained, cringing slightly at his own wording.

“... Like with their eyesight?” V asked, not looking away from the stars. Logan sent him a small smile.

“Yes, you’re doing a wonderful job.” Janus nodded to Logan, giving him quiet praise of his own. V paused, his face morphing between expressions before he looked to the side, away from the fae. Janus looked over at the two from where he was standing, raising an eyebrow at V.

“Is there anything wrong, darling?” He asked. V’s eyes glanced over to the fae before snapping back to the sky.

“I… Space is…” He groaned and brought his hands to his face.

“Take your time little one.” Logan gently lifted V’s hand from his face, brushing his thumb over his knuckles. The touch was less to make sure that V didn’t hurt himself in his efforts to find words, more to just… touch him. Logan couldn’t explain to anyone why he felt such an urge to touch and pamper the mortal but he found he couldn’t find the need to.

“Space is big. I… Don’t know if I like it or not,” He continued, sighing before looking up again, “Space is big and… and scary and-” A few beats of silence passed before Janus frowned and strode over, kneeling in front of V and taking his chin gently in his hand.

“You’re leaving something out darling. It’s alright if you wish to tell us. We are more than happy to listen.” He hummed with a gentleness Logan wasn’t fully aware Janus was capable of- that didn’t mean he was surprised.

“It just… it reminds me of when I lived in my town.” The air immediately went stale.

“I wouldn’t- They wouldn’t let me in some nights. Some nights it was cold, others it was just dark, sometimes it was both. I… I hated it. Space wasn’t nice then- there was never enough light those days. It was like even the sky didn’t want anything to do with me…” V blinked blankly into space.

“I remember- the day I decided I was going to leave I was locked out. I already knew I was going to be but it still hurt. Someone had lit a bonfire at some point and I- I thought I was going to get burned again-” the fae’s blood boiled deep in their veins at how casually V uttered such abuse, “-so I just… planned in my head. I know there basically no going back. I’m… I’m alright with that. They don’t want me there anyway.”

V laughed at himself, tears springing into his eyes, “I’m not even sure I’m wanted here.”

A pang shot its way through Janus and Logan’s hearts as V tried to curl into himself. Janus reached carefully forward and cupped V’s cheeks in his hands, brushing his fingers against his cheekbones. Logan sat frozen as he tried to remember what the hell he’s supposed to do in these situations. Gods, human psychology books are hard to come by- let alone reliable books.

Logan swiped his thumbs against the backs of V��s hands, his throat bubbling as Janus cooed and soothed the mortal. V shook and tightened his grip on Logan’s hands.

“I don’t- I don’t know why I didn’t leave sooner. They wanted me to leave or- or die, or-” Janus hushed him softly, wiping away V’s tears as his voice was torn away from him. Logan looked up to Janus, silently begging for him to tell him to do something to help. He was answered with a glance of panic equal to his own

V let out a surprisingly quiet sob. Logan reached behind him and rubbed his back, his chest heavy with the need to hold him. Janus sighed sadly and reached his hands around V’s back pulling him forward to rest his forehead against Janus’s chest.

“Oh darling, it’s alright. Let go little one, we have you.” V took his now free hand and gripped tightly at Janus’s cloak, burying his face in his shirt. Janus wrapped one hand around his waist and buried his other hand in V’s hair.

“Take a deep breath starlight, breathe in- good,” Logan praised as V took in a deep shaky breath before wheezing it out and continuing to heave, “Come on little one. Look at me for a moment- just a moment.”

V turned his head, his red-tinted eyes meeting Logan’s, the tears seemingly never-ending. Logan reached the hand that was on V’s back up and gently took the hand V had on Janus’s chest into his own. He carefully pulled V’s hand towards his own chest, exaggerating his breathing. Janus watched the movements with understanding before beginning to move his hand in V’s hair.

“Darling, can you breathe with L? Can you do that dear?” Janus hummed while looking down at V. He nodded shakily and squeezed Logan’s hand a few times before attempting to follow his breathing.

Every so often V would space out and forget to breathe out but one of the fae would simply tighten their respective grips on him to grab his attention. After several failed attempts and gentle reassurances, the fae managed to get V’s breathing under control.

“Are you alright?” Janus asked, removing his arm from around V to allow him to move away. The mortal looked up with tired eyes before nodding and mouthing a reassurance voicelessly. He stood slowly, tugging his hands away from Logan and hugging himself at the sudden cold fire that burned his skin.

“I’m… gonna go to bed…”

“Would you mind us walking with you?” Logan stood up, brushing off the dust from his knees. V hesitated, biting his lip before slowly nodding. Only a moment later Janus was at his feet and the three began walking to the clearing.

The forest glowed with a strange aura of worry. As V walked ahead, leaves brushed against his arms as if the forest was trying to comfort him. After the practically silent trek to his room, he quickly reached for the door handle and twisted it.

“Wait!” Janus called, stepping forward quickly and took off his cloak, folding it and handing it to V, “If you start to feel lonely call for me darling.” Janus bent down slightly and pressed a kiss to V’s forehead. V gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and opened his door, holding the cloak close to him as he stepped through the gateway and closed it behind him.

Tension hung heavy in the air as the fae stared at the door, processing whatever the hell had happened in the past hour. Logan looked to Janus and clapped his mouth open and closed, words failing him at the moment. J sighed, fixing his hair and rubbing at his temples.

“I need some tea.”

TIME SKIP

“J, would you please calm down?”

“Calm down? Calm down?! L, you’re just as enraged as I am- don’t even try to hide it! That was completely unacceptable!” Janus ranted, pacing back and forth.

Logan let out a shaky sigh and flexed his fingers, sparks of magic popping aggressively under his skin. The rational part of Logan wanted to take a deep breath and talk about what had just occurred. The irrational part of him wanted to set something on fucking fire.

Rationality in any tense situation- and somehow it felt especially a situation under these circumstances- was hard to come by. Logan just so happened to have the eternal label of ‘voice of reason’.

“I am angry J, but perhaps now is not the time to… express that anger,” Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose, “I have the feeling that we haven't even scratched the surface of his trauma.”

“And that's supposed to be comforting information?” Janus asked, sending a glare to the other fae. Logan sighed and sent a twin glare back.

“Well you see, I’m not the one who is known to provide comfort .” He bit.

“Yeah- sure, says the one who just comforted V.”

“This isn't-” Logan cut himself off, closing his eyes and breathing deeply? “This isn't the same thing- and this isn't helping. We're just getting angry at each other. At this rate, we aren't going to get anywhere with this new information.”

Janus sat down in a chair that they had brought from the dining room, slouching before burying his face in his hands with a heavy sigh. Logan pursed his lips and turned around to the now whistling kettle, pouring the boiling water in two teacups and placing a tea strainer in each cup to steep. He gripped the counter, closing his eyes for a moment to just think.

What should he do in this situation- gods what would anyone do in this situation? This wasn’t Logan’s field. It’s a damn miracle that he even got V to calm down! Humans are so... so complicated, and Logan couldn’t understand how they worked- let alone the topic of emotions and how those worked with humans.

Logan's eyes focused on the now gold-tinted water in front of him, his hands suddenly scrambling to take out the loose tea to put in bowl to the side. He spooned in honey and placed the tea cups on matching saucers, breathing slowly as he did so.

“Here,” Logan said as he turned around, carefully handing a plate to Janus before returning to his place against the counter.

“I… I appreciate your kindness. I regret my wrath, you weren’t deserving of that.” Janus looked to the floor, shame shining faintly in his eyes.

“It’s quite alright, I too was acting inappropriately,” Logan took a sip of his tea, letting the warm sweetness of the chamomile coat his tongue, “While our rage is fitting, now does not seem to be the time to apply such a harsh emotion. We have to discuss what we must do with what we now know.” Janus smirked over his cup, swallowing a bit of his drink.

“Right back to business as usual my dear,” He teased. Logan rolled his eyes, hiding his own smile as he looked to his shoes.

“While the tone change is very welcome, I would like to make a few suggestions as to what we can do as precautions.” And as quick as the light air had come, it was washed out and replaced with a serious fog.

“Do share.”

“Well, to start,” Logan wandered to his seat, placing his saucer and cup on his flat lap, “We should make a plan on how to handle breakdowns such as this and share it with the others. Neither of us would like to see what would become of a situation where one or more of us do not know how to calm down V.

“Second, we need to make plans on how to ease into conversations like that with V. Clearly the abruptness of the conversation did not aid in his panic. Third, we have to tread lightly around him for the next few days. Perhaps-”

“On the contrary, I feel he may be more distressed if he changed our body language over the next few days. He seems to be more comfortable with how we act currently over how we would behave if we were to walk on eggshells around him.” Janus explained.

“Why would we walk on eggshells-”

“Just a figure of speech dear.” A fond smile quirked J’s lips, the taller fae blinking at him as he processed the words.

“Oh- alright, so what are we to do in order to make him more comfortable?”

“Just… behave regularly. Perhaps ask the twins to hold off their activities for a day or two.” Logan nodded, bringing his cup to his lips.

“Nothing more to suggest from me, is there anything else you wish to say?” Logan asked, sipping his tea. Janus got a chaotic glint in his eye before he looked to his tea, stirring it gently.

“You spilled tea on your tunic?”

“I did?,” Logan looked down, scowling when his eyes met a yellow-ish stain, “ Damn!”

TIME SKIP

When V walked into the kitchen the next day, Pat had left a plate on the counter covered with a damp cloth and bowl to keep the food warm. It wasn’t anything V could note as eventful, but the thought still managed to calm what tension he had woken up with.

As he wandered into the dining room, he noticed Logan sitting in his usual seat, reading a book with a plate of crumbs in front of him. Janus stood on the other side of the room, tending to a line of herbs outside of a ‘window’ (V had found that the window was simply a projection, not exactly real but not exactly fake. He couldn’t wrap his head around it but he decided that it made sense.)

Logan peeked up from his book, sensing V’s presence in the room. He smiled gently up at him before taking a hand off of his book and carefully pulling out a chair beside him. V moved quickly to sit in the chair and placing his plate on the table.

“Good afternoon little one,” Logan greeted, causing Janus to look up sharply with hopeful eyes. Once he had spotted V, he softened his expression and took off his gloves, placing them on the windowsill before walking over to the two at the table.

“It’s hardly the afternoon dear- good morning darling, how was your sleep?” Janus asked, lifting V’s head before ruffling his hair fondly.

“I slept alright, nothing notable.” V lied through his teeth, both the fae in the room internally cringing at the taste it left in their mouths. Janus sent Logan a look.

Should we?

No, not yet. One day, but not now. We’ll get there eventually. Let's just… enjoy the morning while it’s here.

Logan couldn’t object. Especially when V appeared so comfortable in his seat eating his breakfast. He allowed his focus to drift back to his reading as Janus returned to his work.

LINEBREAK

Logan was still struggling to grasp how to handle V’s mental health- not for lack of trying. Emotions had never been and he supposed would never be his strong suit. He had asked Pat for assistance on how he could help V cope with his trauma, but he didn’t get much of an answer- Pat didn’t quite understand how humans worked either. His empathy though- when in tense situations- had always been admirable.

He found it scare, not being able to understand. His heart ached with the need to understand, sharp spikes of pain slicing through his chest whenever he would see V tense and shy away from touch he very obviously needed. It scared Logan to know he didn’t understand how to help, or what he was feeling, or why he was so damn protective over V.

Logan felt something for the human. Something he didn’t dare call devotion. Something he didn’t dare call love. He didn’t understand how he could feel such things- such trivial, sporadic, terrifying things.

Janus had suggested in a late-night exchange of quips and tea that perhaps Logan just cared for V. Logan… couldn’t object. Caring was easier than loving- and as Janus pointed out that Logan adamantly ignored, loving caring a were possible to do simultaneously.

Logan preferred to simply care because he understood what it was to do so. There was security in understanding. Logan would call whatever he felt for V simply caring if he understood it- if he felt secure in his words.

Security and understanding were when V seemed to need in dire situations. Logan could provide that. Truly, he would provide anything V needed if he so asked- even if he would never admit it to save his pride.

Logan cared for V- that was enough for him to understand. That was enough for him to feel safe in his thoughts. Enough for him to know he would keep V safe. Caring was enough.

Taglist: @i-read-by-lamp

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #fanfiction #tws and cws in post! #virgil sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #fae au #VioletNight Fae AU #fae janus sanders #fae logan sanders #human virgil sanders #hurt comfort #h/c

[theredscreech]

Grammar Tips That Are Actually Useful #2

So I honestly didn’t expect to do another one of these, but ever since my first GTTAAU post got a whole bunch of hits over the last few days, I decided to do another one about a popular piece of grammar that I notice is often misused.

Writers, gather ‘round as we explore the dreadful and terrible aspect of writing that is the...

Epithet.

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuun!

I first want to preface this by saying that I was notorious for this. I am so sorry to everyone who read my TMNT fics from 2016; I didn’t know better and I apologise profusely!! I went entire pages without naming a character in the narrative and I have no one to blame but my own ignorance, which has now been remedied - Hallelujah!

To explain: An epithet has a few definitions, so let’s take a look at them. (Definitions courtesy of dictionary.com.)

1. Any word or phrase applied to a person or thing to describe an actual or attributed quality: “Richard the Lion-Hearted” is an epithet of Richard I.

2. A characterizing word or phrase firmly associated with a person or thing and often used in place of an actual name, title, or the like, as “man's best friend” for “dog.”

3. A word, phrase, or expression used invectively as a term of abuse or contempt, to express hostility, etc.

In other words, an epithet is an adjective or noun to describe or name someone without using their proper name.

(There’s a ton more under the Keep Reading, so buckle up.)

Epithets are used in a variety of ways to describe a variety of any character’s characteristics (haha). Most common examples for this are:

hair - the blond, the blonde, the black-haired person, etc.

eye-colour - the green-eyed person, the brown-eyed person, etc.

skin-colour - the pale-skinned person, the dark-skinned person, etc. (Side note: NEVER use food to describe skin colour/tone (eg. olive-skinned). It is offensive and wrong, so just don’t. If you have any questions, I’d encourage you to follow @writingwithcolor (which I do). They have excellent commentary for writers who write characters of varying ethnicities, religions, etc. Check out their FAQ before asking anything, though, because they’ve answered a ton of different questions already.)

status - the child, the teen, my boyfriend, his husband, etc.

profession - the engineer, the doctor, the ninja, etc.

species - the dwarf, the human, the dragon, etc.

or any combination - the green-haired teen (I saw this one in a fic from Izuku’s own POV), the orange-masked turtle (this one is mine and also from Mikey’s POV, and I am sooooo sorry.), etc.

There are, of course, dozens more of examples, but these are the most common ones, especially in fanfiction, so let’s leave it at that.

So why do writers use epithets so often?

Honestly, it becomes tedious and repetitive to write out the characters’ names all the time. It looks odd, too, all those ‘Mikeys’ and ‘Izukus’ and ‘Natasha Romanovas’ and what-nots. They’re just prancy-dancing all over your page and it looks. so. off. There’s just something about seeing characters’ names that, for whatever reason, some writers don’t like. And I kid you not, I had to train myself out of this way of thinking.

I had to train myself because as soon as I learned about epithets, I saw that I was using them absolutely everywhere. I would write literal pages without using anyone’s name, and four years later, I look back at those stories I wrote and posted publicly, and I cringe. But it’s the good kind of cringing because it lets me know how far I’ve come in my writing craft, that even though I’ve been writing for years and years, there’s always something new to learn. There’s always something to improve upon.

“Good for you, Red, but why are epithets so bad?”

Well, technically they’re not bad. They’re just used poorly or overused or both (as was my case).

We’ve already talked a bit about over usage (unless you missed the parts where I confessed to writing pages without using names), so let’s talk about poor usage.

Poor usage of epithets is when epithets are used incorrectly.

Here’s an example: Mikey looked at his red-masked brother.

Gah, that physically pained me to write! Okay, so what’s wrong with this sentence? Well, unless we’re writing for Mirage Studios’ comic (1984) where all four turtles of the TMNT wore red masks, then we’ve got a pretty good idea that ‘red-masked brother’ actually means ‘Raphael’.

Okay, great, so we know ‘red-masked brother’ is Raph, so why is this an example of poor epithet usage?

Answer: Because we already know Raph has a red mask. It is set. It is eternal. It’s a part of who he is, just like his skin or his shell. If you are at all familiar with this character, you will know that Raph is the ‘red-masked turtle’.

Here’s the thing epithets do. Epithets estrange characters from each other. This is why they’re most commonly and properly used for characters whom either we as the audience/narrator or the characters themselves do not know.

This is why phrases like ‘the dark-clad figure’ or ‘the blonde cashier’ are so popular - because we do not know who the people are! Sure, we can always go up to the dark-clad figure and introduce ourselves, or we can look at the blonde cashier’s name tag, and that’s sort of the point because we do not know who these people are yet. Epithets are used, more often than not, for unknowns until they are made known.

There are exceptions to this, of course, of course, most commonly of which are status ones: my husband, his son, their niece, etc.

These are fine, but use them wisely and sparingly (tying into the over usage part again).

Here’s a better example: I walked into the kitchen and found my husband already there and making breakfast for all three children.

‘My husband’ and ‘all three children’ are epithets, but they don’t estrange the characters, per se, because they’re letting us know who’s who and their importance to the narrator/character. That being said, you should still use ‘my husband’ sparingly because if you’re ‘my husband’-ing your husband, whose name is Henry, all over kingdom come, it begins to sound...not good. Like, why would you need to remind yourself Henry is your husband all the time? Do you have amnesia? Are you just forgetful? Are you insecure? Maybe he was unfaithful at some point and he’s doing better, but you’re internalising that and reinforcing the fact that he’s yours? Maybe you just don’t like his name? Or don’t know his name?

Hard to say.

The fact of the matter is this: the closer the characters are in terms of their relationship (platonic, romantic, as friends, as siblings, whatever), the less they will use epithets for each other.

For example: I, personally, have never thought of my mother as ‘the brown-haired woman’. She has always been mom or mum or other such derivatives. It never crosses my mind.

Contrarily, when I’m working at the book store and I’ve taken a few things up to the cash desk for a customer, I’ll let the cashier know that the items are for ‘the curly-haired woman with sunglasses’. Because she is a stranger to me.

Consider Disney’s film Lady and the Tramp (1955). I haven’t seen the live action, so I can’t make a comparison, but the 1955 version fits for what I want to talk about here.

Please name Lady’s owners.

If you said, ‘Jim Dear’ and ‘Darling’, you would be absolutely correct! While we can safely assume that ‘Jim Dear’ is actually ‘Jim’ or even ‘James’, we have no idea of Darling’s real name. Some pet names and nicknames are technically epithets if we’re being especially pedantic today (please see Disney’s Tangled’s character Flynn Ryder’s nickname for Rapunzel), but let’s say for the sake of argument that all pet names fall into the category of proper names, particularly since we’re talking about Lady and the Tramp (1955).

If you listen closely, you will notice that not once - not a single time, ever - do any of the characters that know Jim Dear and Darling call them by anything else (except for Jim Dear’s men friends at the baby shower; they all call him ‘Jim’). Even Darling’s friends call her ‘Darling’. Jock and Trusty both call Lady’s owners/masters ‘Jim Dear’ and ‘Darling’. Never ‘Lady’s owners’ or whatever else.

This is a perfect example of using names instead of epithets. It helps immensely that they aren’t main characters - secondary characters, certainly, but not main - but the point remains.

“But, Red, the Tramp never calls Lady by her name!”

And you’re right! But there’s a reason for that: Lady never formally introduced herself. The story begins in December of 1909 (thank you, Wikipedia). So by the time Lady is six months old, we’re well into 1910. Conventions in this era, as far as I know, not that I am an expert, dictate that ladies/women introduce themselves so that men could then address them (or something like that? Someone please correct me if I’m wrong). Since Lady never does that, Tramp is reduced to giving her the pet name ‘Pigeon’ or ‘Pige (Pidge?)’. Also, Lady doesn’t find out Tramp’s name until the dogs at the pound tell her.

Either way, Tramp is forced to use a pet name, but it is not an epithet simply because ‘Pigeon’ isn’t describing Lady’s characteristics.

Now, Tramp on the other hand...is a characteristic, and someone can definitely win the argument of whether this is an epithet or not. Hint: it is because it’s preceded by ‘the’. He is literally introduced as ‘the Tramp’ (Bull, the bulldog, says it first in a scene with him, Peg and the Tramp, and then Toughy drops it at the pound in front of Lady). This is his epithet, his defining characteristic, because he is introduced as it: The Tramp.

But this is not his only characteristic. He’s helpful and compassionate (the entire scene when he fights off three alley dogs chasing Lady and then proceeds to help her get the muzzle off), he’s also playful (shows Lady there’s more to life than “life on a leash”), courageous (he fights a rat), and respectful of Lady’s choices (tries to persuade her to run away with him but pursues the matter no further when she tells him ‘no’, and he also backs off when she’s mad at him).

This is what epithets do. Not only do they estrange the characters, but they also reduce the characters to a base level. Those well-rounded, complex babies you so carefully crafted become one-dimensional and flat in the span of a single phrase. They become ‘black-haired men’ and ‘green-eyed teens’ and ‘red-masked brothers’ and in that moment, that is all they are and when you continue to reinforce that, that is all the readers will see them as. Besides the fact that readers might very well forget their names entirely, especially if it’s an original work where the audience is not as familiar with the characters as they would be with fanfiction.

This is why Lady never addresses Tramp directly in the film. If she’s speaking to him, she’s looking at him so he knows she’s addressing him. It’s a subtle nuance in the film because Lady refuses to reduce Tramp to his epithet (once she learns it) because he isn’t that basic. (Another reason why Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure bugs me because I swear she actually calls him ‘Tramp’ and it feels so wrong for her to address him like that.) But Tramp gives Lady a nickname. See the difference?

So, yes. While epithets are not strictly bad, they are best when used properly and sparingly. Like, yes, please, feel free to remind us that Mikey loves his brothers and that Katsuki calls his friends ‘Spiky-hair’ or whatever. These are descriptive and good and should be used, just be aware of when and how often you use them, not to mention why. If you’re simply using an epithet for the sake of avoiding saying someone’s name, then it’s poor usage.

And holy freaking wow, this thing is ginormous! I’m going to stop here because I don’t think I can write another word about epithets and how important they are.

Thank you for reading! I hope this helps. And a reminder: check out RavenshellRorschach on DeviantArt for comprehensive how-to’s on some of English’s toughest homophones and grammar points.

Cheers, y’all!

~ Red

#writing advice #grammar #gttaau #this might become a series #epithets

[mycupoffanfiction]

His Favourite Gal: Part 3 A Bucky x Reader Mobster AU Fic

An eventual mob!Bucky x Reader fic

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6

The reader begins working as a waitress at Bucky Barnes’ favourite club in town. Little does she realise that working on mob territory owned by the infamous King of New York, Bucky Barnes, comes with it’s quirks as the reader is slowly pulled into the mobster life. Warnings: Not so platonic fluff, some violence, reader experiences anxiety, guilt and shock in this one.

Word count: Approx 5500

Hello! This one has a bit more action than the previous two parts, things are starting to get a bit more serious now. Let me know what you think and if you want to be tagged for the upcoming parts! Enjoy!

_________________________________

You woke up the next day, full of excitement and giddy anticipation for your date with Bucky. You felt like a teenager again, it was odd, feeling this excited about someone, it was unfamiliar after all the bad occurrences with previous attempts at dating. Perhaps this would actually go somewhere, you dreaded to think about if the date failed. Keeping your anxious thoughts at bay, you chilled out to your favourite music as you got ready.

 You were pulled from your thoughts as a knock at your door came. Rushing to answer it, you smoothed down the red dress you’d picked out one last time and opened the door to see Bucky stood leant up against the door frame with a bunch of flowers. “Hey sugar.” Bucky drawled, looking at you through hooded eyes as he handed you the bouquet. “You look beautiful.” Bucky gave you his lopsided smile, his eyes shone with excitement. “Thank you, you look,” You paused, looking at his deep blue suit and black tie, his hair was scraped back into a low bun with a few strands loose around his face. You could see his metal hand peeking out between the details of the leather glove he wore on his left hand. “Very handsome.” You finished, allowing a nervous smile to play on your lips. You moved away from the door to let him in while you found somewhere to put your flowers.

 Bucky entered your apartment and waited for you to dig out your vase. He wandered around a bit, inspecting your sorry state of a living space. Living in a bit of a bad neighbourhood, your apartment had more than seen better days. It was a little dingy, dark, constantly had new cracks in the walls and ceiling, not to mention the exposed, old pipes on your walls which seemed to tick and creak every time you used the water in your apartment. “You never told me your place was in such a state of disrepair.” Bucky remarked, leaning over some furniture to study a large crack that ran up nearly the entire length of the wall. “Uh, yeah, it’s not the nicest place, but it’s liveable.” You replied, turning on the tap to fill up the vase, the pipes jumping to life and making a symphony of noises. Bucky scoffed. “Liveable.” He shook his head, smiling over at you as you arranged the flowers in the vase. “Come on, doll, best get going.” Bucky moved across to you, holding out his arm for you.

 You made your way down to the car that waited outside of your building for you both. Bucky had insisted on not allowing the driver to open the door for you so he could do it himself. You were flattered by his insistence to be a gentleman to you, enjoying the chivalrous acts. You got comfortable in the plush backseat of the car when Bucky reached over and took your hand in his. You locked eyes, blushing a little before looking down and smiling at how tiny your hand seemed compared to his. You could feel the coolness of his metal prosthetic through his glove, but you didn’t mind, it felt nice on your hand, which felt boiling and clammy from your nerves.

 The car eventually pulled up outside of a classy restaurant, which appeared to be quite empty, at least from the outside. Making your way indoors, hanging off Bucky’s arm, you both strutted into the building. You immediately noticed Clint off to the side occupying a table with Steve. “I’d like to say that Clint and Steve are also on a date, but I have to assume they’re here to make sure we’re safe?” You piped up upon seeing them. Bucky chuckled and shook his head slightly. “Oh no, they’ve been dating for a while, doll.” Bucky chuckles, poking you in your side playfully as you watched the waiter approach you both. “But joking aside, they are here just to make sure there’s no trouble. I promise they won’t get in the way, just pretend like you didn’t see them, you won’t even know they are here.” Bucky assures you as you follow the waiter to your table, which was off to the side, away from the other customers.

 Bucky ordered you both some drinks and appetisers to start, insisting you could have whatever you liked and as much as you liked. “You know, doll, I feel like every time I tell you to dress real fancy, you just upstage yourself each time.” Bucky chuckles to himself as he trails his eyes over your dress, making you giggle a little. “I wanted to impress.” You admit, letting the blush creep onto your cheeks without hiding it. “You do more than impress, sugar.” Bucky says in his gruff, low voice. God, how does he do it? How is he so smooth? How is his voice like liquid gold? You involuntarily let out a little hum in reaction and by the time you’ve realised the sound you made; Bucky is looking at you through hooded eyes, enjoying the reaction he’s getting out of you.

 Smooth jazz begins to play in the background as your first course is brought out to your table. You take great delight in how good the food tastes. It feels fresh and expertly made. “So, Bucky.” You begin, taking a bite of food from your fork. “Is this a one-time thing?” You ask, fluttering your lashes at him, hoping to dear god that it isn’t. “Only if you want it to be, sugar.” Bucky winks at you. God, you can feel yourself melting under his gaze. “I just can’t get enough of you, (Y/n), I don’t want it to be a one off, if you’ll let me take you out again of course.” Bucky’s face goes serious as he speaks, his eyes softening. “Good, because I’d love to do this again.” A little smile graced you lips as you spoke and Bucky looks at you like you’ve just told him he’s won the goddamn lottery.

 You both finish up the first course, your conversation is easy and smooth, as it always is with Bucky. Bucky orders a main meal for you both and you enjoy the wine served to you. He was so easy to talk to, so charming and it really felt like he hung on every word you said. “What’s your social life like?” He asks, picking up his glass of wine and swirling it around a little before taking a sip. “Besides the socialisation I get at work, non-existent.” You scoff, laughing it off, knowing how pathetic that probably sounds. “Not a party girl?” Bucky chuckles. “Not in the way the other young people party, no. I don’t do nightclubs, not a fan of crowded bars, that sort of thing. It’s too hectic.” You explain, clutching your wine glass. “How would you feel about accompanying me to some of my social events throughout the day? I have to see clients, but they always bring pretty girls with them, perhaps it’d be nice to have a pretty girl with me for a change.” Bucky suggests. “Hm, you want to show me off, Barnes?” You say smugly, smirking at him as you bring your wine glass up to your lips. “Maybe I do.” He chuckles, leaning back in his seat as he eyes you. “You are gorgeous, (Y/n), and you can tell me if there’s any more shady business men around, you seem to be good at spotting them.” Bucky tries to add a reason to it, but you know he likely just wants to have you around to hang off his arm. “Are you asking me to be your waitress and a spy?” You ask, dramatically clasping a hand over your chest in mock surprise, which elicits one of his deep, rumbly chuckles from Bucky. “I can pay you extra.” He tries to sweeten the deal. “Please, it’s not like you have to ask twice. I’d jump off a bridge if you asked me to.” You say under your breath, realising you’d just said that out loud, you look up at him and blush furiously. “Sorry, it’s just- I, uh.” You frown, trying to find an excuse but Bucky cuts you off with a hearty laugh. “I didn’t know you had it that bad for me, (Y/n). Although I did notice the way you look at me, the way you blush when I flirt with you.” Bucky says confidently, sitting forward again and grabbing your hand. “You’re the sweetest dame I’ve ever met.” Bucky says sincerely as he squeezes your hand.

 The date goes smoothly and as soon as you realise it’s coming to an end you feel a pang of sadness. You weren’t ready for it to end quite yet, but all good things must come to an end. Bucky paid the bill and waved you off each time you tried your best to make him let you pay for your food, despite it costing literally an arm and a leg. “I have to go and take care of some business this afternoon, sweetheart, but I promise we’ll have our usual meal and a drink tonight, alright?” Bucky held your hand while you exited the restaurant. “Alright.” You nod. “How about another date, perhaps tomorrow?” Bucky asks. You don’t respond as you watch a fleet of three all black cars with tinted windows round the corner at the end of the street and speed sloppily down the road towards you. “Sugar?” Bucky grips your shoulder before following your line of sight to the cars speeding down the road. As they screech to a halt right in front of the restaurant, Bucky grabs your arm and pushes you behind him into the alleyway next to the restaurant. “Wait here for Clint, don’t move, alright?” Bucky barks an order at you and you look at him a little shocked by his assertive tone. Nodding you duck behind a dumpster and watch helplessly as Bucky is approached by the men hopping out of the vehicles.

 You spot Steve joining Bucky at his side and you clock Drax approaching with a few of their men from across the street. They must have been around in case something happened and you wondered how often showdowns like this really happen and if you are just that unlucky that you got caught up in one. You turn to see Clint coming round the back of the restaurant and signalling for you to join him. You get up, staying in a crouched position as you hear the shouting match going on between the two groups of men on the main street. When you reach Clint, he takes a hold of you and escorts you around the back, keeping a gun drawn just in case. The pop of gunfire fills your ears and the shouting gets more intense and you feel a rush of adrenaline and fear pulse through you. “Fuck.” Clint swears under his breath, glancing over his shoulder before looking ahead and stopping to help you climb over the back fence. Once you’re over, he vaults over to join you and grabs your arm, running you away from the gunfire. You heave in a breath, thinking the worst that could happen. Bucky could die. He could get seriously injured. You’d never see him again; you didn’t even get to kiss him. Christ why were you thinking about that now? Clint practically drags you down the street, but decides after a few minutes that you running in heels is not fast enough and without warning, picks you up, throwing you over his shoulder like you weighed nothing and bolted down the street.

 Bucky’s black SUV pulls up and Clint all but throws you in the back seat before getting in the front passenger seat. You buckle up and look out of the window, waiting to catch a sight of what’s happening as you try to regain your breath. “Is being in a mob always this dramatic?” You ask. Clint huffs out a laugh as the SUV weaves in and out of the traffic. A gunshot sounds close and you look out of the back window to see another vehicle in pursuit of yours. “Shit, got one on our tail.” You shout, way louder than needed, but you’re starting to panic. “Stay calm.” Clint throws a look of worry over his shoulder at you. Stay calm? That just makes it worse! A bullet hits the back window, making you squeal and recoil a bit. “Fuck, (Y/n) get down!” Clint shouts. You do as you’re told and duck down on the back seat.

 Scott throws the SUV around the corner as more bullets hit the car. “Why the fuck are they following us?” You yell, peaking up enough to see the car behind you. “Probably think you’re someone important to the boss.” Scott replies as he floors the accelerator on a quiet stretch of road, throwing you back into the seat with a thump. “I’m just a fucking waitress.” You respond, not really aiming it at anyone. Clint chuckles and you wonder how he’s finding any humour in this situation at all. The tires screech as Scott rounds a bend, expertly missing another car and you chance a look over the back of the seat at the vehicle again. Shoving your hair out of your face, you take in a panicked breath. Scott approaches the end of the road, ready to turn again when you see the car behind you speeding up. “They’re gonna ram us!” You scream. Scott ignores you and slows slightly to turn the car and as he does you brace yourself as the vehicle behind you smashes into the side of the SUV. The sound of metal scraping on metal and the glass cracking from impact fills your ears. Clint took the brunt of the hit; you head throbs and you realise you’ve hit it in the crash, but you feel the dullness the adrenaline provides. You can see the men approaching from behind, jumping out of the car. “Clint!” You scream, reaching forward. “Fucking Christ, Clint! Scott!” You scream their names but there’s no answer or movement from either of them. They’re out cold. You reach forward, hands shaking as you search for the pistol you knew Clint had on him. Pulling it out of his waist holster, you take off the safety like you’d been taught in the past. Just as you’re sliding back into the back seat, the door is ripped open, the man from the car behind reaches for you but you quickly hold up the gun and fire a shot, curses absentmindedly falling from your lips as he falls back, clutching his stomach as the blood stain spreads on his torso and he begins to gurgle blood. The second of the pair of men yells and fires towards the back of the car, the bullet whizzing straight through the broken windshield and impacting somewhere in the car. You stifle a scream as you duck out of view, holding up the pistol to shoot him when he comes into view. A few more shots hit the car, but thankfully your assailant can’t see exactly where you are. The sound of sirens becomes apparent in the distance. As the second man approaches, everything feels like it goes into slow motion as you fire three shots at him in quick succession, letting out a blood curdling scream as adrenaline courses through you.

 And then the silence came. He slumps to the floor, and everything feels cold and dead for a moment, the ringing of gunshots in your ears as you begin to shake uncontrollably. You click the safety on and your shaking hands drop the gun, it lands with a thud and you jump at the noise. You sit and wait as the sirens draw closer and you look out of the open door, seeing another SUV round the corner and come to a halt. You can hear and feel your heart beating in your ears and everything sounds a bit muffled. It’s Bucky. He has Steve, Drax and Sam with them and they all file out of the car, running straight for the crash site.

 Bucky locks eyes with you and you hear him scream your name but you don’t react, you just stare at him completely bewildered, heaving in deep breaths. He runs up to the open door and reaches in over the dead bodies, grabbing you and pulling you out of the car and into his arms. He cradles you as you begin sobbing when the realisation hits you that you’ve just killed two men. Two human beings. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’m here.” Bucky coos softly in your ear as he pulls you away from the scene. You stutter out his name between shaky breathes and he holds you tighter. “I- I killed.” You can’t even finish your sentence before collapsing into a sob. “I know sweetheart. I’m sorry. God I’m so sorry.” Bucky strokes your hair as you wrap your arms around his neck while he carries you away from the crash. “Are you hurt?” He asks. You shake your head into his neck as you sob. “I need you to use your words, sweetheart, are you hurt?” He asks again and you let out a pained “I don’t think so.” Before another sob wracks your body and you bury your face in his neck, letting your hair fall over your features. Drax immediately runs to the wrecked vehicle, calling out for Clint and Scott before pulling the passenger door open and ushering his men over to help.

 Bucky gently helps you into his SUV and Steve brings you a fresh bottle of water from the boot of the car. You take a few small sips and try to regain control over your shaking frame. “Steve’s gonna take care of the police, okay? I’m going to get you somewhere safe, alright?” Bucky explains, glancing across at Steve when he mentions him. You nod, and choke out a thank you to Steve, who gives you a tight lipped smile. Steve reaches forward and grips your hand, squeezing gently. “You alright?” He asks, you only nod and let out another shaky breath before taking another sip of water. “Get her to a safehouse Buck, I’ll meet you there later once I’ve taken care of things here.” Steve instructs, giving your hand one last squeeze, letting go and gripping your shoulder, looking you in the eye one last time before letting go and leaving. Bucky closes your car door and gets into the driver’s seat next to you. He waits a moment for you to put on your seatbelt but when he realises you’re in too much shock to really even think straight, he reaches across and does it for you, clocking your shaky and erratic breathing. “Come on sweetheart, I need you to sit back,” He begins, gently pushing you flush against the seat. “And I need you to slow down for me, take deep breathes, alright? Can you do that for me?” He asks, leaning to get a glimpse of your eyes, forcing you to focus on him. You nod and melt into the seat. “In…” He speaks softly, keeping eye contact with you. “And out.” He coaches your breathing and then takes hold of your hand. “Alright, (Y/n), I’m going to put some nice music, and we’re going to have a comfortable, calm drive to a safehouse.” Bucky tells you before turning on the stereo and picking out some calm jazz.

 Bucky begins driving, glancing over at you now and again as he slowly takes you through the streets of New York. “Sweetheart, tell me how your date went, what did we do?” He asks, trying to keep you from experiencing more panic and anxiety by making you focus on something else. “Better yet, you still want to go on another date?” He adds. “Yeah, I’d like that.” You swallow thickly. “I hope I didn’t scare you off.” He chuckles, hoping to lighten the mood. “N-no, you didn’t.” The corners of your lips curve a little. “What do you want to do on our next date then, sugar? Tell me and we’ll do it.” He grins across at you. You think for a moment before looking over at him. “I’d like a night time picnic, I want to watch the stars with you and I’d like to…” You trail off, lowering your voice to a mutter, so quiet he doesn’t hear you. “What was that last part, doll?” He asks, keeping his eyes on the road as you exit the city. “I’d like to kiss you.” You mutter, if it weren’t for his reaction to turn the music down, Bucky wouldn’t have heard you. He flashes that beautiful grin at you and you turn to mush, blushing bright pink. You look down at your hands and fumble about with them for a moment. “I’d like to kiss you too, sugar.” Bucky beams at you. “We’ll do all of that for our next date, how ‘bout that?” Bucky grins to himself, keeping his attention on the road. “Perhaps try and get a little rest in, doll. It’s gonna be a few hours before we get there, alright?” Bucky suggests, gripping your hand and squeezing before letting go and putting both hands on the wheel.

 You sit for a while, watching the occasional car pass and watch as the autumnal trees blur into a beautiful mix of reds and yellows as you whiz by them. The gentle hum of the car and the smooth jazz playing softly through the speakers slowly lull you to sleep and you slump up against the passenger door into a blissful slumber.

 You started to wake when you felt Bucky’s chest press up against you. You quickly realise you were in his arms and he was carrying you. You breathed in his scent, right now he smelled of his cologne, it was a warm and comforting spiced, woody smell. Opening your eyes, you saw it was nearing twilight and you wondered just how long you’d been in the car for. “Hey sweetheart.” Bucky carefully put you down, still holding onto you. “Didn’t mean to wake ya.” He spoke softly. “We’re here.” He says into your hair as he pulls you close, resting his arm around your shoulder. You melt into his side and bask in the comfort of his presence. Looking around you take in your surroundings. It seems to be lost in the middle of a forest, with trees all around aside from the mud track behind you where Bucky had driven in. The safehouse was a beautiful cabin, it was simple, but it looked cosy and inviting. “Let’s get you indoors.” Bucky smiles down at you before guiding you up to the front door and letting you both in.

 The inside of the cabin nicely decorated, it feels homey and welcoming. It’s small and it feels quaint, but you don’t mind, it’s still larger and more comfortable than your apartment and that’s all you could ask for. Bucky brushes by you gently and moves to turn on the wood burner, collecting together the materials for a fire. “How about you get yourself cleaned up, (Y/n)? I’ll get the fire going and I’ll find you some clothes, alright?” Bucky points at the door to the bathroom and you thank him before walking across the hardwood floor to the restroom.

 It was just as nice in there as it was in the rest of the house, the shower was however, unreasonably large, but perhaps you were just too used to the tiny, cramped one in your flat. You undressed yourself, your dress was likely ruined with blood stains and debris from the crash and shooting. The faces of the two men flashing across your mind as you thought about it. You turned and caught a glimpse of your face in the mirror, seeing blood splatter on your cheek. You felt sick. The realisation that you’d killed someone came back to you and desperately tried not to let it over take you like last time. “It wasn’t my fault.” You whispered to yourself as you clutched the edge of the basin, looking at yourself in the mirror. “God you’re well and truly in it, (Y/n).” You told yourself. Heaving a sigh, you turned to the shower and got the water running, getting in and letting the warm water wash over you. The showerhead was large and made the water feel like blissful, gentle rain on your exposed skin. Scrubbing away the blood, you tried to wash away your stress and fear from the last few hours with it, wishing it would all just disappear down the drain.

 The shooting replayed in your mind and you felt a rush of grief. “It’s not your fault. Not your fault.” You tried to tell yourself, you didn’t realise, but you’d spoken it out loud and when it reverberated off the tiled shower walls, you were sure Bucky could hear your voice from the other room. You spent a bit longer in the shower, not really paying attention to cleaning yourself and rather staring at the same spot your eyes had settled on. How had you ended up like this? Only a couple of months ago you’d been working at a rundown bar and as soon as you set foot in Stark’s Club, your life had gone from zero to a hundred in a few short seconds. Was it worth it? Would you face repercussions for shooting to protect yourself? Was Clint okay? What happened to Scott? Why did those men follow you? You’re just a waitress. You’re just- a knock at the door interrupts your thoughts and you turn, instantly clutching your hands to your chest. “(Y/n), doll, you been in there a while, are you alright?” Bucky asks. “Y-yeah.” Your voice fails you completely and what was supposed to come out confidently, came out as a whimper. “You sure?” Bucky asks through the door. You realise you’ve been crying when you taste the saltiness of your tears on your lips. “I, uh, I’m alright.” You choke out. You hear a sceptical humph from the other side. “Let me know if you need anything, your clothes are across the hall in the bedroom, sweetheart.” He calls through to you before he falls silent and you know he’s walked away.

 You finish up your shower and towel yourself off, keeping the large fluffy towel wrapped around you. You open the door and exit the room, looking over at Bucky who looks across at you from the living space, his eyes trailing over you. You don’t mind his gaze; he always looks so captivated when he sees you. This is probably the most bare he’s ever seen you, the towel only just covering your butt. Bucky clears his throat, uttering an apology for staring and shifts his gaze back to his book, chancing one more sneaky glance at you. A little smirk plays on your lips before you head into the bedroom. You spot the little pile of clothing on the double bed in the middle of the room. The room is a bit of a tight space, enough room for the bed and a few storage units, but it feels homely.

 Walking back into the main living space to join Bucky, you occupied the space on the sofa next to him. He looked up from his book and shot you a little smile. “Steve said he won’t be joining us; he’s got everything under control back home but he wants us to lay low for a couple of days while he takes care of a few loose ends.” Bucky informed you, closing his book and setting it down. “Am I in trouble for shooting those two guys?” You ask, your voice still a bit shaky. “No sweetheart, I promise.” Bucky reaches over a grips your shoulder comfortingly. “What happened wasn’t your fault. I’m so sorry you had to defend yourself like that. I never wanted to put you in that situation.” Bucky let the words fall out of his mouth followed by a string of apologies as he shifted to face you. “Although I am impressed by your quick reactions while you were in shock.” He added, giving you a tight lipped smile. “I know they tried to kill me but I just feel so bad.” You closed your eyes and swallowed thickly before flitting them open again to see that Bucky had scooted closer to you. “C’mere sugar.” Bucky held out his arm, leaving his side open for you. Without hesitation, you moved next to him and rested of his chest, melting into him instantly. The gentle beating of his heartbeat soothing you as his metal arm snaked around your back and held you close. “You’ll be alright doll. We’ll be alright. I totally understand if you don’t want to be seen around me in public anymore though.” Bucky spoke into your hair. You lightly smacked his chest in response. “I’m not limiting my already limited social life just to make some rival group think I’m scared into submission or something.” You mumble into his chest. Bucky had since changed his clothes and his shirt was so soft against your cheek. You grab at his shirt and smooth the material over with your fingers as his warm breath fans over the shell of your ear. “God, you really are something, doll. Most people would’a booked it by now.” He chuckles. “I’m stubborn.” You shrug, relaxing into him more as his right arm comes up to hold you tighter.

 Truth was, you were starting to realise how in love with Bucky you were, not only that, but if you walked away now from all of this, you’d have no one there for you to help you go through what had already happened. You were slipping deeper into Bucky’s world and you were not afraid to fall even further in.

 The evening drew on, the two of you made a simple dinner with the small supply of food in the cabin and you spend the rest of the evening in front of the log burner and leaning into Bucky’s side with a book in your hands. After a while, you lowered your book and shift to look over at Bucky. “You know, I used to think I was crazy for thinking you liked me.” You broke the silence. You see him shift his head to face you. “I still think I’m crazy, I’m just your waitress.” You smile to yourself. “Nah, you’re my favourite gal, sugar. Have been since the moment I set eyes on you.” Bucky nudges you playfully. “God, that was the most awkward interview ever.” You groan, laughing a little at the end. You feel a chuckle rumble through Bucky’s chest. “Hiring you was the best decision I made. I do feel awful that I put you in danger though.” Bucky heaves a sigh, turning back to look at his book before he closes it.

 “Even though this is slightly terrifying, I’ve never had this much excitement in my life.” You say light heartedly. You know the pain of what happened earlier today won’t leave you anytime soon, but you know if you use humour and appreciate the other parts of your situation that it could help, at least to ease the weight of it. “Bucky, why did that gang attack us?” Your tone becomes serious. “Christ, (Y/n), m’not sure I wanna drag you further into this.” Bucky whispers. “That’s a bit late, isn’t it? I’m already in it. If you didn’t want me in it, you wouldn’t be letting me cuddle with you and taking me on dates.” You answer matter-of-factly. Bucky hums in response. “I suppose you’re right.” He agrees. “Can I tell you tomorrow? I promise I’ll tell you everything, but it’s not really a conversation I want to have in the middle of the night when you’re already trying to process what happened today.” Bucky’s voice is soft and low. “Alright.” You nod.

 Settling into his side, you rest your head on his shoulder, draping your hand over his middle. You feel Bucky press a gentle kiss to the top of your head and before you know it, your eyelids become heavier and heavier until you can’t stay awake any longer and you relax fully into Bucky’s gentle embrace, allowing sleep to take you.

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