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wnnbdarklord · 3 years

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EDIT: so I started writing this like a week ago, but honestly the finale killed any desire in me to interact with this show in a fannish way. So have these half assed notes. I think it's obvious where I lost steam. These ideas are free for use for anyone who wants them in fic, have at you. As it is, I don't think I'll interact with this show as a fan any further than this.

How I would write a Loki show in bullet points (and a mishmash of short scenes and dialogue, let's be honest) for my sanity!

Presuming some disney exec came down from on high and forced the inclusion of EG!Loki and the TVA (because otherwise it'd be IW!Loki that survived and it'd be all about him finding his best life away from Earth, Asgard, Thor and the whole Thanos/EG situation. Or if I only had to include the TVA, it'd be IW!Loki dealing with the TVA, not EG!Loki):

Fair warning: this will likely be a mess since I'm not entirely motivated to not have it be so.

[cut for length]

Ep1:

- Loki escapes to Nidavelir and uses the tools there to get rid of the chains and muzzle. A CONTROLLED use of the Tesseract, thankyouverymuch

- the TVA comes for him and Loki is wary and on the alert, exhausted from the whole Avengers thing so he immediately makes a clone to interact with the TVA and observes from afar

- the TVA fall for it when they try to bitchslap him like in the show, but immediately regroup when it goes through the illusion and start a search pattern. Their tech can scan for his temporal aura and they close in on Loki quickly (show the TVA as at least somewhat competent or they're shit antagonists for Loki)

- Loki, who still has hold of the Tesseract, portals out of there

- what follows is a quick chase scene across multiple planets and realms, but the TVA are always on his heels. The longest time they take to find him is during an ongoing apocalypse on a random planet that's enough for Loki to get a quick breather. but you know, disaster's on the horizon, so he has to leave eventually. but this is the first clue both we as an audience and Loki get about potential hiding places.

- when an exhausted Loki finally turns to fight, he manages to take several minutemen out (justifying B-15's hate on for him) before one of them gets in a lucky shot and freezes him

- "Who are you people?" [short flash of Loki's eyes flashing green and the entire scene getting a strange cast, floating energy swirling around everything. It's beautiful, but the TVA people's energy is out of sync, out of touch and strangely jagged compared to their surroundings]

- they slap the collar on him and march him into the TVA

- Loki immediately tries to pull the same illusion trick but it doesn't work cause no magic in the TVA (maybe some visual indication of what he's trying to do, but it doesn't go past his skin. You know, like Sylvie managed in ep 3 -.-)

- he doesn't wildly panic, but we see his breathing speed up and he immediately looks at his left hand and relaxes when he sees it isn't turning blue.

- okay so the TVA have caught him, he's on their shit list, no magic, exhausted, no idea what's going on, who these people are or how powerful they are - he chooses to play nice for now and bide his time

- the whole intake process is spent in quiet observation mode, only speaking when spoken to

- discomfort at being out of his clothes, but maybe only a wry joke about them wanting to strip him naked (making him a participant in all the thirst jokes)

- he doesn't ask if a lot of people don't know they're robots like a child wanting validation and he's not visibly afraid. Instead, we see him look at his hand again and try for wry humor when asking. But he steps into the device without much hesitation. It's death vs certainty and we already know he's chosen death once before.

- the propaganda cartoon is much shorter and plays in the background so we can see Loki's incredulous eyebrow raise at it. the ticket thing gets an eyeroll, but ready compliance since it's not worth it to argue

- when he sees the other guy get "pruned", he immediately reaches for the ticket to reassure himself it's there, but doesn't wave it around triumphantly, just sighs in relief

- trial can stay mostly unchanged, just no stupid magic attempt in the middle

"It's not your story, Mr. Laufeyson, it never was" (AND THIS SHALL BE PROVEN FALSE, you know, unlike in the show where it turned out to be their fucking mission statement) also, Loki gives her murder eyes for calling him that

- in fact, instead of trying magic, Loki holds up the controller he stole from B-15 as she was escorting him to the trial and waves as he disappears through a door backwards

After that scene is the church scene with bodies, establishing Mobius as a hunter of dangerous variants. Someone is killing TVA officers

Mobius gets called back as in canon, but arrives too late to stop our Loki from leaving

Sidenote: Loki still has the tesseract since it was in his pocket dimension during the fight the TVA nabbed him in

Ep 2:

- it's now a few days/weeks later. Loki is back in his own clothes, a simpler outfit not geared for war. He's in the biggest library in the universe, the depository of almost all knowledge, looking for information about the TVA. there is Nothing, suspiciously so

- once again, the TVA shows up and he has to run yet again. maybe he kills this team too, to buy himself more time. he steals a melt stick and more time pads and reset charges

- he needs more information and the only place he'll get it is at the TVA it seems, so he shapeshifts into his female form, dressed as one of the many paperpushers at the TVA and we see her being relieved that the spelled clothing is holding once she passes through the time door

(another aside, but ideally the female form is more like Eva Green or Katie McGrath. AND NOT BLONDE)

- acting like she belongs, Loki effortlessly manages to snoop around the TVA for a few hours

- there's only one close call with C-20, but Loki manages to deflect suspicion by parroting the motto at her, which Loki reads from a nearby propaganda poster (cause Loki is good at lying, manipulation and flying by the seat of their pants)

- eventually, she ends up at the archive area and begins researching. We see that Loki is competent at this and is quick to pick up the filing system. the variant number from the papers she signed the episode before becomes relevant to finding the appropriate files

- before she can dig too deep into her own life story as laid out by these people, just as she finds the Ragnarok Report, Mobius finds her (maybe there was a silent alarm triggered by unauthorized access or something. Slightly more competent TVA)

- there is a scene where Mobius and Loki play a game of chicken and manipulation, wordplay and lying until it becomes clear Mobius knows who Loki is (actually establishing some camaraderie)

- Loki gets a little hoisted by their own petard since they're enjoying the banter so much, the backup Mobius called for catches them a little off guard, collared again

- since info gathering is still the name of the game, Loki doesn't try to get away just yet

(during this entire scene, Mobius is the same offhandedly condescending prick he is in canon, but it's very obviously framed that way)

(also featuring confirmation of the genderfluidity thing because fuck you disney)

M: "Nice disguise. Really had me fooled for a second there."

L: "It's hardly a disguise. I am always myself."

[Loki shifts back to male, though the clothes remain the same (shifting =/= magic)]

M: "Yeah, well, next time you want to go undercover at the TVA, maybe don't choose a face we already have from several other of your variants."

[Loki twitches a little, since that wasn't a form he openly wore a lot (even when he wanted to) cause Asgard is a dick about shifting genders]

L: "And how does that work exactly?"

M: "Got your entire life on file, buddy. But you know, sometimes Asgard isn't a complete stick in the mud the day you gather enough courage to show up to dinner in a dress. We usually have to prune those timelines quickly."

[Loki's grin is more like a snarl, frozen on his face, since he picks up the implications loud and clear (the implication being that him being too happy is not allowed in the Sacred Timeline)]

M: [picks up the files Loki was looking at] "Come on, I've got something to show you."

-cue time theater scene

-that little scene of looking out at the TVA does not feature Loki being impressed or awed at the TVA's tech. It features him being scared/uneasy because the TVA is completely dead to his senses. Loki's eyes do the same flash as before, but everything is completely dull, no energy anywhere. He can barely see some swirls on his own arms]

-Loki asks why this charade, Mobius tells him the TVA is willing to come to an agreement with Loki for his help

"You're not the only one running around messing up the Sacred Timeline. Come on, job interview time."

(it's really really not)

- Mobius tries the same schtick as before, but it's both less and more effective. Less cause Loki has had a bit more time to collect himself since the invasion, more cause he's more aware of the TVA's power and has been chased by them for a while now

- we see Loki being affected by the Frigga thing BUT he also picks up how edited the reel is

- still, he lets Mobius do the "only thing you're good for" bit until we see him look up with murder in his eyes, even through the tears

- "I am going to burn this place to the ground and I am going to start with you. That is my bargain."

"Yeah, cause your "bargains" [Mobius full on air quotes here] work out so well for you," he says, offering Loki a hand up

-cue alarm and Mobius rushing out

-Loki grabs the files Mobius left behind, and also the tape in the hologram projector and escapes

- no infinity stones scene, cause Loki still has the Tesseract and doesn't go to look for more

- cut to the TVA running around in a panic, multiple branches forming on the displays. It's the same bombing plot as in the show, but now serving as a distraction for Loki to get away

- when they figure this out, Ravonna: "You should have just pruned him when you found him. There's a reason we don't reset Loki variants. Our luck always runs out eventually with them. Fix this, Mobius. Or you'll have to answer to the TimeKeepers."

- back to Loki, he steps out into chaos as something explodes behind him. He's in another apocalypse. During his running from the TVA, he noticed it takes them longer to find him whenever there's a lot of chaos around him, death and destruction. He finds a still intact building, seems high tech. Everyone else has already evacuated

- he takes the Tesseract out and blue and green energy surges around him and engulfs the building. It's suddenly quiet and we see outside the windows are pitch black

- Loki quickly looks away

"Finally, some peace and quiet."

He slumps down to the floor, files scattered around him, tesseract nearby and curls up, dejected and exhausted

Side note: Loki doesn't need to worry about recharging tempads since he has the tesseract, which was established in Avengers as able to provide infinite energy

Ep 3:

- he finds out about the variants in this episode, maybe goes looking for other variants before the TVA finds them

-how Loki finds out the TVA are all variants: he'd knocked out B-15 for a bit to interrogate her

-they're found by another team of minutemen, led by B-16, who is wearing B-15's face. Several of the other minutemen we've seen Loki kill in earlier episodes as well. They attack *both* of them cause they assume B-15 is compromised. Loki and B-15 work together and kill the whole lot, staring at each other incredulously

"You're Variants! You're all Variants!"

[B-15 collapses to her knees in shock]

End episode

EDIT: My basic idea for episodes 4 & 5 were Loki and B-15 working together and travelling through various timelines trying to get to the TimeKeepers, but realizing something was wrong the further they went. Time begins breaking down, paradoxes are all over the place and the TVA keeps pruning some specific place so much that sometimes two teams are on top of each other. Stuff like that.

I also had a few scenes where Loki meets other variants (that aren't him), but who actually like and even love him. Men, women, variations thereupon, and one or two who would mistake Loki for their Loki. So we get bi confirmation without actually including romance in the show itself, because 6 episodes isn't enough to develop that along with everything else that's going on.

Vaguely outlined here:

My "how to include the bi thing without the main story being a romance and also indicating that Loki is able to be liked and loved by people who aren't just variants of himself, please and thank you":

(note to self, rewrite this so it makes sense lol EDIT: lol, don't feel like it so this is all you get, folks!)

a variant significant other, male: kisses Loki

Loki: You are clearly my type, but I'm sorry. I'm not him.

[heartbroken expression on the variant]

from another timeline Loki visits:

woman holding a sword to his head after looking at him suspiciously: Change back!

Loki: Into who?!

woman: Her!

[Loki shapeshifts into his female self]

woman lets go of the sword

"You escaped! When Odin took you away, I thought he would kill you. Why did you never come back to me, my love?"

EDIT: My "twist" ending was that the Time Keepers were dead, not that they never existed. Some sort of mcguffin exists to just break the whole TVA and free the timelines. Idk, maybe the TVA was just a test to see if it'd work, but the system just kept perpetuating itself after the power hungry losers kept it going beyond the bounds of the experiment. Either way:

villain plot twist: the time keepers are long dead. the TVA is a terrible system that perpetuated itself on its own, only a few judges were aware that the timekeepers had ever died. The entire System Has To Go (lol like disney would ever go there)

The system is literally Killing the Universe, since the universe's natural state of being is a multiverse. But the system don't care, system don't give a shit. System only exists to perpetuate itself, system's survival is the most important, catastrophic universal failure need not apply

(this is way too on the nose for disney, but since this rewrite's motto is Fuck Disney, it shall stay)

EDIT: this was how I imagined the climax of the series.

Mobius or Ravonna (i never decided): "All the chaos, all the possibilities? How can you stand the uncertainty? How can you believe the world will be any better than it is now?"

Loki: "Because it has to be!" [smashy smashy TVA]

series ends with the timeline breaking free

we see various scenes of the variants in their former lives, happy

and AU scenes of the previous movies:

Loki gets pulled up on the bridge

Loki accepts Thor's offer during the Avengers

Loki gets up on Svartalfheim, bleeding heavily, but doesn't go to Asgard but to Thor

Loki tricks Thanos during IW

Loki as an Avenger

Loki as a kid

Loki as a girl

Loki on jotunheim, fully jotun

Loki on Asgard, jotun

faster and faster, all sorts of different AU scenes until the screen goes dark and we see our Loki, smirking

"But...well, those are stories for another time."

and he steps back into the shadows.

#loki series spoilers #loki series negativity #loki series #fanfic #sort of #loki #half assed rewrite #half assed meta #my stuff

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

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Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 8

Cult girl and Hannibal go through an exhaustive list of potential adoptive couples.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warning: sexual harassment, christianity, discussion of pregnancy and family planning, adoption, murder and cannibalism

Step two: find an adoptive family.

Some would say your list of expectations for potential adoptive parents was too extensive. Impossible for any human to reach. But it was really just the bare minimum.

Regardless of if they were two men, two women, one of each, or a few people, the parents had to be trustworthy. It wasn't easy to earn Hannibal's trust, but he could recognize those who had the capacity to right away. It was a little instinct you had dubbed 'friend or food'.

On paper, the apostolic pastor and his wife of 19 years seemed like the perfect candidates. The adoption agency tried to push them on you, as they had a great track record with adopting from them prior. Three boys, all of which were honors students.

Hannibal insisted on a formal introduction, during which you could conduct a proper, though surreptitious, interview. It was an invitation to dinner.

He invited the couple into his office, where a pot of tea and an interrogation was waiting for them. Then there was you. Barely-pregnant little [F/N], feeling entirely safe so long as your fiancé was beside you.

"You're doing the right thing, y'know." The woman, who introduced herself as Mrs. Landon, said upon meeting you.

"How do you mean?" You asked, already knowing the answer.

"All god's life is precious." She said, placing a hand on your not-even-remotely-showing-yet stomach. "You're walking in obedience to the lord by giving this child a shot at life."

Strike one: bringing up religion unprompted. Strike two: touching me without asking first.

You wanted to swat her hand away, but remembered that patience was a virtue. She and her husband took a seat across from you.

"Y'know," The man began, his mannerisms eerily similar to those of his wife. "I don't usually begin with the god talk, but I think a higher power had to have been involved in the conception of this- well, our child. I'd like to think the good lord brought us together today."

Strike three: already believes he is entitled to my child. You're outta here.

"Don't flatter the adoption agency like that, Jacob." Hannibal chuckled, placing his teacup on the side table.

"I'm serious, Dr. Lecter." Jacob interjected. "Faith and I really do believe that god put us on this earth to prepare his smallest soldiers for the spiritual war."

You shot Hannibal a side glance that said 'can we please just eat them now?'.

The answer was no. Hannibal liked to play with his food.

"And your adult children have all moved out?" He asked.

"That's right." Jacob nodded. "We have plenty of room in our five-bedroom house for the new little slugger to run around in."

"And if it's a girl!" The wife interrupted. "We have enough closet space for all the denim maxi-skirts money could buy."

Strike four: arbitrarily genders the behavior of a nine-week-old embryo.

The man then returned the teacup to the table, not bothering to use the saucer and instead leaving a nasty ring of condensation on the polished mahogany.

"Okay." Hannibal huffed, resignedly rising from his seat. He pulled two hypodermic needles from his back pocket and carefully, subtly stuck them onto the couples' necks. They couldn't even scream.

The tacos al pastor that followed (after a few days of marinating, of course) were exquisite.

The next week brought a new couple to your doorstep. Frank and Angela, they were named. Their claim to fame was that their oldest son played football for one of those big southern party schools. Either Auburn or Alabama. There was hardly a difference.

You sat for what felt like hours listening to the man speak in unintelligible football babble, waiting for him to take a breath. Surprisingly, it was the mom who got him to finally shut up.

"Frank, please." She said with more frustration than this one situation even remotely warranted. Either she had enough intuition to know she was being tested, or she’d spent the last decade putting up with this. Possibly both. "You're boring our hosts to death."

"What? No way! She loves it!" Frank replied, then turned to you. Not to Hannibal, just you. “Aren’t you having a great time, sweetheart?”

Strike one: takes advantage of the female socialization to be passive and polite, allowing himself to take up the most space.

You shook your head. “I hate football.”

His wife looked quite pleased with herself.

“Angie, I just wanted her to know what good breeding her son is going to have.” He said, without a lick of irony or self-awareness. He eyed you up and down and licked his lips. “And it is mutual, I see.”

The room went quiet as everyone tried to determine whether he was serious or if it was just a fucked-up joke. The longer the silence lingered, the more you realized he wasn’t kidding. Angela looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“I don’t know what the agency told you, Mr. Wyatt,” Hannibal said, trying not to grit his teeth. “She isn’t a surrogate. She’s already pregnant.”

Frank’s jaw hung dumbly open. “I thought you were looking for a sperm donor? I just-”

“No.” You cut him off, raising your hand and covering your face. “I don’t want to know what you thought.”

“Well, I would!” Angela interjected, righteous fury eclipsing what should have been crippling embarrassment. “What exactly did you think this was, Francis?”

“The file said that he was over fifty, so I just assumed--” Frank rationalized, his voice far too loud for the room. “Y’know? That she wanted a baby that wouldn’t come out all funny-looking?”

“You’re disgusting.” You blurted out.

“Francis Howard Wyatt,” Angela scolded as if she were talking to her son. “You are forty-eight and the only increasing part of your body is your blood pressure. Why on Earth would any woman choose you over her smart, handsome doctor fiancé?”

This made Hannibal sit up a little straighter. He wanted Francis on the butcher’s block yesterday, but he momentarily considered letting Angela live.

“They’re not married?” Frank whispered, or whatever the loud-aggressive-toxic-masculinity version of whispering was. He paused, as the dead hamster on the wheel powering his brain crept back to life. “That actually makes sense.”

Angela loudly smacked her hand against her face. “Dr. Lecter, Ms. [L/N], I am so sorry.”

“It’s quite alright, Mrs. Wyatt.” Hannibal stood up, readying the next batch of needles. “It just makes what I’m about to do easier.”

It took quite a bit of restraint to not make their deaths hurt, but he made up for it when it came time to carve. He had fun running his fittingly small penis through a meat grinder. Not with any intent to cook it, though. Just because.

Hannibal wanted to make Francis Wyatt into the least dignified meal imaginable. You quickly recalled going to a friend’s barbeque in Georgia and encountering a horrendously Southern delicacy known as Frito Pie. You proposed the idea to Hannibal, who, after reviling in abject horror at the notion of eating something out of a bag, agreed that it was the most fitting end. He could spare a few pounds of flesh to grind up and make into chili.

The third week brought yet another couple. They seemed smart enough to realize your invitation wasn't the friendly olive branch the others had interpreted it as. Their healthy skepticism was refreshing, to say the least. Then, you met them: Max and Archie.

"You'll have to forgive my partner's paranoia." Max said upon entering the house. He tugged playfully at Archie's hand. "We watched Get Out recently, so an invitation to the suburbs sounded some alarms in his sleep-deprived brain."

"I love that movie." You chimed in. "It reminds me of my family."

"Oh no." Archie's eyes widened in only half-pretend fear. He shot an I-told-you-so look in his partner's direction.

"But my favorite horror flick has to be Midsommar." You added. "My friends and I saw a midnight screening and we didn't sleep at all that night."

"But have you seen Hereditary?" Archie posited.

"Of course." You shrugged. "Aster is totally genius."

You made more than just polite conversation with the couple. Max, despite his young age, was a skilled data analyst and day trader. He attributed his success to the hard work of his immigrant parents. Archie was an environmental lawyer and land activist. He was also a bit of a thrill junkie, indulging in everything from scary movies to bungee jumping.

It didn't take long to realize that you wouldn't be eating them. They were far too pleasant of company to eat.

"So when is this baby planning to make its entrance?" Archie asked, gesturing to you. "You don’t look all that pregnant to me."

You put your hand over your slightly-protruding stomach. "Late August, I believe. If everything goes according to plan."

"You're not far along at all, aren’t you?" Max observed. "That gives us plenty of time to prove ourselves to you."

"Believe me." You put up your hand. "You're doing a great job so far."

“If you like horror stories, we might have to indulge you in the last two encounters we had.” Hannibal commented, leaning back comfortably in his chair. That was a good sign. “No blood was spilled, thank god. Would have ruined my carpets. But believe me when I tell you it came very close.”

The couple laughed along. Archie leaned in like he was about to tell a life-shattering secret. “You wouldn’t believe the hoops we had to jump through to even have the chance to adopt. And I don’t want to say that it’s because we’re an interracial gay couple, but...”

“Agencies aren’t exactly colorblind.” You finished, via his prompting.

“She gets it.” Archie pointed to you. “See, Maxie? She agrees with me.”

Max pushed his glasses up his nose. “I never said I disagreed.”

You spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for the conversation to take a sharp left turn off a cliff, but it didn’t happen. They were wonderful company; polite, intelligent and articulate. Exactly the kind of people you’d want to see taking care of your child.

You’d have to look for you next meal elsewhere.

#hannibal #hannibal x reader #hannibal x you #hannibal lecter x you #hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal lecter #hannibal nbc #cult girl #cult girl 2 #cult girl doctorate

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izabellq · 4 years

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Costumes -> Tamaki Amajiki

summary: you accidentally match costumes with tamaki. prepare yourself for a whole day of endless shenanigans.

contains: MAJOR FLUFF, language if you squint (ik canonically, mirio is in 3-B, but for the sake of this plot, the big three are all in 3-A) also, i tried to make this gender-neutral, so if there’s any specified pronouns, let me know and i’ll fix it ASAP!

THIS IS MY HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! (im very much aware i posted this a day late oop)

UA had decided to hold a special event where students could wear their Halloween costume to school. You weren’t planning anything special or unique, just something to get the job done. So, you decided to dress like a cute puppy. It was only a simple onesie: topped with cute floppy dog ears on your hood, and a tail that attached from the bottom. You weren’t expecting to get a lot of attention, which was perfectly fine with you because you were never the type to seek the stage. You topped off the simple look with a black spot on your nose and one around your eye. And just like, you were good to go.

When you walked into school, you couldn’t help but feel a tad bit insecure. It seemed like everyone had decked out for this special occasion. You passed by some anime cosplay, food costumes, group oriented costumes — everything you could possibly think of. And as you made your way to your class, you wondered what Tamaki would be wearing.

You couldn’t help yourself. It was undeniably true that you had a rather large crush on him. Everything about him was enticing. He was so shy that it was usually you who initiated conversation, but that wasn’t enough to make you falter. You understood he wasn’t the most socially active person around. To be frank, it was rather comforting to know that not everyone at UA was a egotistical narcissist.

Finding your assigned seat, you scanned the class. Some of your peers also took the simple route which put some of your thoughts at ease. Others, the more competitive students, were quite impressive themselves.

You turn towards the doorway when Mirio’s booming voice gathers the room’s attention. He was wearing a... whoopie cushion? Oh dear lord. Mirio was a stickler for humor, so of course, he’d wear practically anything that could rise a laugh out of someone. Only, his jokes kind of sucked and no doubt would the class of 3-A be subject to awful fart jokes for the rest of the day. You weren’t so worried about that as you were worried about the two other students usually attached to his hip. One of them being Tamaki Amajiki.

The next one to stop into class was Nejire Hado who was absolutely breathtaking. Her costume, which was nothing more than a fairy, seemed to capture her true personality perfectly. Although, an angel would also be very accurate in her case. She turned towards the entrance way and stuck her head out into the hallway, “Tamaki! Don’t be shy! You look so cute!”

Your heart began to beat just a little bit faster.

“Mirio! Come help me out with him,” Nejire stomped into the hallway, the fluttering of her makeshift wings dissappeared, only to be followed by a laughing Mirio.

When they returned, their hands were clasped over Tamaki’s wrists, forbidding him from turning around and sulking out in the hallway. When you saw him, you’re taken aback. The smallest of gasps erupt from your lips when you notice his costume choice. A onesie, similar to yours, but instead of the dog ears; replaced with cat ones, and a longer tail attached to the back. He had the same minimal face paint (lined whiskers and a nose) as you did, curtesy of Nejire.

When he looked up, his cheeks were flamed with embarrassment. He found your gaze, and if it were possible, he became even more sheepish. You weren’t any different. The thought of having a matching costume with Tamaki, despite not having any prior arrangements, made you equally embarrassed. Now, all you wondered was, did he notice?

Well, if he didn’t before, he sure did now when Nejire spoke up, “Hey Y/N! Oh my– are you a puppy? How cute! Wait! You’re matching with Tamaki! Now you two look like an adorable couple!”

Her excitement, plus her lack of censorship, made the class laugh— everyone’s attention on you and Tamaki. “Nejire...” Tamaki muttered. He stared at the floor, wishing it’d just swallow him whole.

“You guys should take a picture together,” Mirio suggested, walking over to where you sat and giving you a hand. You hesitantly took it, positive that you looked about ready to vomit or pass out. Maybe both. In that order.

Dragged to stand next to Tamaki, you spare him a single glance. He has his left hand up to his face, doing a shoty job at covering his red cheeks. To you, he seemed... more embarrassed than usual? Perhaps he just didn’t wanted to match costumes with you. It saddened you, but it wasn’t like you could do anything about it now.

Nejire laughed, “Say cheese!”

Tamaki mumbled something that you could only assume was in response to Nejire. In a small pickle of confidence, you grabbed his hand and entangled your fingers with his just before the camera went off.

“Cheese!”

That was first period.

When lunch rolled around, Tamaki had face planted himself on the table.

Nejire and Mirio sent each other a knowing look before moving to console him.

“I don’t understand why you’re not happy, Tamaki! You’re matching costumes with them, you got a picture with them, and they also held your hand!” Nejire listed off the things that happened before the bell rang, signaling the start of first period.

“I am happy...” Tamaki muttered, lifting himself up from the table, “But they probably hate me now.”

“I wouldn’t say that!” Mirio added, “Haven’t I told you that they most definitely have a crush on you?”

“No offense Mirio... but I’m not too keen on taking advice from a literal walking whoopie cushion.” Tamaki propped his arm on the table, before leaning his head into the palm of his hand. The same one you had so eagerly held. He wished to repeat the notion a million more times. Only now, he was afraid he had messed up his one and only opportunity.

Mirio gasped, “I’ll have you know that I got many compliments today!”

Nejire giggled before turning back to Tamaki. “Why don’t we just call them over here?”

“I- um, no... I’d rather not do that,” Tamaki rushed out. He wasn’t sure if he could handle another awkward occurrence with you. You’d surely find him weird.

“Where are they anyways?” Mirio asked, not before sinking his teeth on the apple provided on his lunch tray.

“Oh I see them!” Nejire not-so-subtly pointed at you. Tamaki couldn’t help himself as he turned to look in your direction.

You were laughing at something someone had said before adding your own little quip. You were so cute, he thought. Nejire was the one who suggested he wear a cat-themed costume due to the running joke that he was a ‘cute little kitten’. He was prepared to arrive in his normal uniform but Nejire’s persistence was unwavering. And if he knew what you’d be wearing— would he have accepted the costume more easily? You deserved better than him, he knew, but a small part of him fantasized about the ways you’d love him in a way no one else had before.

“Earth to Tamaki,” Nejire sang, snapping him out of his thoughts. “They’re coming over here, straighten up!”

“Hey Y/N, care to sit?” Mirio asked.

Tamaki’s looking down by the time you got there, so he barely registers it when you sit beside him. Your shoulder rubs against his in brief contact and it makes him shudder. He hopes you didn’t notice.

“What’s up guys?” You brought over a juice box from your other table, sipping on the straw of your drink rather intently.

“Tell Tamaki that my costume is funny!” Mirio piped up, distracted from the match-making he was SUPPOSED to be doing.

You nervously giggled, “Well... your costume is certainly an attention-grabber!”

Mirio seemed pleased with that answer, not having considered the fact that you dodged the question the best way you knew how. Tamaki stared at you, adoration etched into his irises. He didn’t realize he had left out a soft laugh until you were staring at him.

He choked up, “Uh- sorry... I didn’t mean to laugh.”

You smiled, a picture definition of the word perfect. Everything about you, he loved. He just loved you in general. “You don’t need to apologize Tamaki! Your laugh is very cute!”

You pinched his cheek before continuing your previous conversation with Mirio and Nejire. Did you even realize what you were doing to him? He hid his face in his arms and rested on the lunch table. Tamaki knew his face was probably several shades of red and pink. He was only wondering how long it would take before you’d actually kill him with your presence.

And that concluded lunch.

The last period of the day came and went uneventfully. And soon enough, class 3A had returned to the dorms, agreeing to remain in their respective costumes until the clock striked midnight. Some students had decided to spend the night on a scary movie binge, while others payed no mind to the event by studying and finishing thier cumulated late assignments.

You on the other hand we’re stuck in the kitchen, preparing some coffee to get you through the night. Mirio and Nejire had wanted to pull an all-nighter as well, which meant you had to figure out a way to not fall alseep before midnight hit. You already had a messed up sleep schedule as it was, so one more added incentive should make the whole evening smooth sailing.

“Y-Y/N?”

You turn towards the kitchen doorway where Tamaki stood, a bit shellshocked from your presence. Still in that cat onesie, you could see his whiskers had become a bit smudged.

You smiled at him, an ache wrapped around your chest became noticeably present to you. “Amajiki! Shouldn’t you be up in Mirio’s room with Nejire? I’ll be up there in a second, I just gotta finish this.”

“Ah, well,” Tamaki moved into the kitchen, fidgeting with his fingers as he talked. “You were taking a while, so they sent me to check up on you. I’m glad you’re o-okay though.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, turning back to the light stirring of the coffee machine. Your fingers uncoordinatedly tapped the kitchen’s counter, a melodic beat strung to match your voice. Tamaki watched with amusement— nothing like the sight of you in your element could make him any happier.

Actually, there was one thing that would be slightly better.

Slowly, he approached you until he had occupied the space beside you. You noticed him almost immediately, but had pretended to take more interest in your coffee than him. Your heart rate picked up, leaving you to mentally curse your inability to remain calm.

“I have a question,” His voice was hushed, a bit unsure of itself. You turned to look at him but his vision remained on the counter.

“What’s up?” When the coffee machine stilled, you pulled your mug out and carefully placed it in front of you. The smell of the roasted beans infiltrated your nostrils and you couldn’t get enough of it.

“Do you- I mean... I think I’m... no that’s not right. I think it’d better if I just show you...” He bit the inside of his lip, whilst finally mustering the courage to look at you. You’re eyes were widened with curiosity, the reflection of the night settling in your skin.

He moves slightly closer, and when you don’t move away, he softly places his hand on your cheek, angling your face so your centimeters away from each other. Tamaki tries to speak, but he honestly didn’t even think he’d get this far. He’s left utterly speechless. Perhaps if Fatgum were here, he’d supply him with the confidence he needed to pull this off. His anxiety-prone thoughts began to take initiative and he starts to pull away, believing to have bit off more than he could chew. He really did believe you deserved better than him.

But your still there. You’ve always been there. In more ways than one. You grip the front of his onesie and pull him back to his previous spot. His hand recupped your face, and you take this opportunity of surprise to place your lips on his. Nothing more than a second long, only the brush of your lips before the tingling sensation had dissappeared all together.

It wasn’t enough. For either of you. You can’t remember who surged forward first, but it couldn’t have mattered less. The only thing that was being even remotely processed was the heat of your frenzied kisses. Tamaki poured all of his emotions into that moment; from the way he felt when seeing you in your puppy onesie to the butterflies that clouded his mind whenever he thought of you.

You were the first to pull back out of breath. You don’t care that your makeup is beyond repair, or that his is either. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you muttered six words into the smooth crevice of his skin, completely forgetting about the coffee you were prepping for yourself. “I love you, I always have.”

Tamaki smiled, though the nervousness hadn’t completely disappeared. “I love you too.” He admitted, feeling his heart flutter at the mutual affection. It wasn’t one-sided after all, not one bit.

Maybe he ought to take more advice from his friend the whoopie cushion.

Then again, maybe not.

“There waiting for us you know,” Your voice was a bit muffled, having been the after-effect of hiding your face in his neck. He understood you perfectly nonetheless.

“They can wait a little longer,” His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you impossibly closer.

“Kiss me again,” You pleaded.

And so, he did just that.

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#anime #fanfic #my hero academia #fluff #my hero academia x reader #bnha #boku no hero academia #tamaki amajiki x reader #tamaki amakiji #amajiki tamaki x reader #mha tamaki #I LOVE THIS MAN OMG #gender nuetral

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Justice League: In Blackest Night Review: A Case Study in Why John Stewart is Awesome

Hello my Green Lantern Corps and happy black history month! And happy 40th Anniversary Year to John Stewart. And let’s get this out of the way now not the one replaced by trevor noah who handed Tucker Carlson his ass on television and got his show canceled, please do it again John i’d be greatful, and has a weird obession with how Pizza should be. No i’m of course talking about the Green Lantern, the third from earth and the second to headline the book itself, John Stewart. But to me.. he was my first Green Lantern and one that gave me a deep and abiding love of the Corps since all thanks to this very episode. It’s thanks to John I’m the green lantern loving nerd I am today and without him I probably wouldn’t of found Guy, Jessica, Simon, Alan, and Kyle not to mention got into the varoius other corps. It’s thanks to this episode I wanted to seek out these wonderful characters eventaully and in part why I got into JLI, one of my faviorite teams, among many ohter great things and books.

So quite obviously both this episode, which I haven’t seen in probably a decade, and John have a great place in my heart. And thus it warms said heart to FINALLY see John getting the recogntion he deserves: he’s going to be one of the starring roles in the upcoming HBO Max series, he was on Scott Snyder’s justice league, and he’s now going to be headlniing the main Green Lantern book going forward under writer Geoffry Throne, who like me was VERY sick of the Hal Jordan show the Green Lantern franchise could become at times, and also like me gave out about it a LOT. The fact DC hired him despite a very public and easily accesable record of him slagging of their use of Hal instead of him ESPECAILLY in the new 52 reboot aka why Cyborg is in the Justice League movie as Geoff kinda shoved hal in there despite John being a more sensible pick and doing so not only shoving the Martain Manhunter, who this show also gave me a deep lasting love for, out of the team but forcing Cyborg onto the team despite fitting with the titans better and, AGAIN there being a black green lantern and given the New 52 kept the history of there being multiple lanterns, no reason Hal could’ve been SECOND instead other than DanDiDio’s bitchy habit of EVERYTHING WAS BETTER ON MY EARTH that poisoined the company for a good decade before recently.

And yes I felt the need to rant about that, yes Green Lantern the animated series is still good mind you, I just got tired of bland white guy over “Really awesome, really layred especailly thanks to this series black guy”, “stubborn asshole white guy whose hilarious and has a heart underneath the layers of douchebag”, “creative and imaginative white guy who has as personality and really uses the ring in fun ways”, and more recently “A muslim superhero struggling with his past who’se also really energetic and fun and has an intresting family life” and “Latnix superheroine who struggles with anxiety and actually struggles with constructs and once she gets past that has very unique ones”. In other words, yeah I’m bitter because everyone else was more intresting than Hal, and it’s only in recent years with Jessica gaining promience and John regaining it that DC’s finally broke out of that and is actually using the intresting ones, and again without John I wouldn’t be a fan, so they had no real excuse to barely use him outside of the comics if at at all after a while.

So yeah as you can tell by that rant and by how specific it got for each lantern, this is one of my faviorite franchises, as said this episode is responsible and so for Black History Month I felt i’d be a huge mistake on my part if I DIDN’T cover my boy John and this episode and see how it held up. The fact it’s his 40th anniversary wasn’t something I was aware of, but now I am, expect more Johncentric episodes from Justice League sprinkled throughout the year to celebrate one of my first and possibly best GL.

Naturally before we get to the episode we have to get to the series itself. The series was launched as Batman Beyond was winding down. Bruce Timm wanted to keep the crew together, something I could empathize with since Owen Dennis and JG Quintel have ran into that same problem lately, with most of their crews drifting off during the gaps in production and Owen desperate to get the show renewed before he lost everybody. A good crew isn’t had to find in animation but KEEPING them for multiple shows or seasons can be. And there was one project the fans wanted more than anything: The Justice League. After all BOTH Batman and Superman had had tons of guest stars, especailly the latter, with Batman having Zantana show up and Superman having the Flash (Wally West), Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner) and Aquaman all show up. There were seeds there.. but Timm was relcutant as he had trouble ballancing 2 or 3 heroes in a fight scene, wanting to keep them al lin focus so fans didn’t wonder where they were and they didnt’ have to cut back and forth, the idea of juggling 7 was daunting. So as Beyond was finishing production a few things happened: The first is that they did the episode The Call, focusing on a future version of the League, and while only a two parter, it showed Timm his crew might be able to juggle a team of heroes after all, and second was the pitches Timm made BEFORE justice league. Since Kids WB had been hteir partner for a while now they tried pitching both a batman anime, he did not provide many details, and in his own words a “Kidified” justice league, basically the justice leagued mashed with the titans including a female version of cyborg. It was the latter pitch, which was rejected by Kids WB, that finally convinced Timm they could do this, but if they did it couldn’t be half assed or having compromises. it had to be what it SHOULD be. So they went to somewhere new, if in the same family and asked cartoon network, who said...

And here we are. They took their time to work out the characters, apparently taking a lot of delbiration, mostly on which GL to go with, and if they were going to do a hawk wether to go for hawkman or hawkgirl. In the end the roster was the iconic big 7 one, in large part thanks to Grant Morrison taking that concept and reviving it in his run on the team, but shaking it up slightly: Barry was naturally replaced with Wally West flash as he was THE flash in the comics, gave a slightly younger member for the others to play off of, and was more popular.. something Dan DiDio plugged his ears and went LALALALALALAL about for a decade before FINALLY leaving the company so he could stop screwing with a character he hated for reasons that can be summed up as ‘MY FLASH IS BETTER. YOU’LL LIKE MY FLASH.. YOU’LL SEE I JUST HAVE TO MAKE THE OTHER ONE A MASS MURDERER.. THAT’LL SHOW YOU FOR NOT LIKING WHAT I LIKE”... I still have maybe a smidge of lingering issues over how wally was treated the last few years after his return. I do not apologize for htem or for doing a little dance when I found out Didio was gone.

Point is it wasn’t the only subsitution as Hal Jordan was replaced by John, obviously and rather than use Aquaman, they went with Hawkgirl, though Arthur still got an episode focusing on him fairly early into the series which has the iconic moment of him cutting his hand off to save his son. I dare you to find something more badass. Bruce both liked her deisgn better and felt it helped with the gender ballance.

So with all that set and with some growing pains to get through they had their show so join me under the cut to see how it turned out. Spoilers: It good.

We open INNNNNN SPACCCEEEEEEE, as a coaltion of neat looking aliens wants justice and has gone to a space court lead by three weird alien faces, likely inspiried by the kryptoian tribunal in the donnerverse superman movies, with their prosecutor sending a group of mysterious robots known as the Manhunters to go fetch the accused for a trial: John Stewart. Given he’s voiced by Kurtwood “Red Forman” Smith, i’m very surpised he didn’t order them to also put their foots up his ass. Maybe he’s saving it for the trial.

After the titles we cut to John himself whose in shades and trenchant for reasons.. I mean it looks neat, but he’s in his old neighborhood not hunting down his exes killer or trying to hide the fact he’s a ninja turtle. Why is he all disguised. I mean sure WE know people are coming from him and given what he thinks he did he knows.. but he has no intention of running from what he did. It’s just a weird stylistic choice. That said we do get a cool sequence when while casually walking he notices a robbery, and stops it simply by first stopping the wheel then levitating the car.. and while he does get a little showy shaking the guy upside down to return the money.. it’s all very controlled. It shows off how John works. While we’ve seen him at work as Green Lantern before this this small sequence says volumes about john in the span of a few minutes, showing that shilw he HAS immense power, he only uses the amount he needs, knows when to hold back, and only shows off a tiny bit, and even then he’s likely still keeping the theif absolutely safe. It also provides excellent foreshadowing for later as to why the League takes his side even when he refuses to defend himself, as it shows that John really is a professional true and true.

He runs by a basketball court and fails to make a basket when throwing a ball back to a kid before meeting his old gym teacher, who turns out to be the kids uncle or something like that, and invites John to join them as they go to the barber shop. The kid wants John’s haircut, his granpa says the usual and i’m wondering why as John’s haircut isn’t that radical: it’s a miltiary style cut, belying the fact that for this series, while it dosen’t come up in the plot here, John was a former marine instead of an architect. Honestly.. this wasn’t a bad change, giving us the deciated and measured john we know, to the point the comics gladly retconned it in. Not that it’s really a huge deal given it meelrly adds shades to the guy and dosen’t prevent him from being an architect. It just adds lairs by giving a reaosn he’s so focused and driven. He had it drilled into him and carried it with him.

Meanwhile on the watchtower The Flash clumisly tries to get to know Hawkgirl better and maunver into asking her out, though it’s clear sh’es not intrested. Still even if he can’t help flirting, and it sometimes gets creepily obnoxious, it’s still better than I expected remembering this running subplot, as he DOES try to get to know her and what she does in her off time, even if it’s to set up asking her out, and is trying to ask her out instead of just hitting on her or doing anything far more creeptacular. It’s still not great mind you and hasn’t aged well at all.. but for the time it’s not TERRIBLE and again it goes away pretty quickly in favor of the much more intresting John and Shierya relationship.

Flash accidently shoots himself in the foot.. conversationally though given how Wally is at this point in the series I wouldn’t be suprised, by asking the Martian Manhunter, who gives Hakwgirl an easy exit if he’s ever felt alone.. you know the guy whose entire race including his wife and child died horribly. He quickly apologizes though and John understands he just stuck his foot in his mouth at lighting speed. And it’s not the MOST insensitive he’s been about Jonn’s dead wife.

But things are soon interupted as Jonn notes “We have an incursion!”

But the Avengers are dealing with all of that so they can instead focus on the Manhunters shooting toward earth. I really like this as the primary reason Batman set up this station was to monitor for alien threats, it just because the Leagues base because superman had the idea to stay as a team and it was a good un, and given earth JUST had an invasion, as this likely isn’t too long after that given it’s only the second set of episodes, it’s understandable they’d be on high alert.

So our heroes move to intercept. As the first episode after the pilot this one also sets up a recurring part of the show and a necessary one: only a handful of Leaguers would feature in each two-parter, as the episodes for the first two seasons were essentially one hourlong story split into two episodes. The only exceptions were the three part premire, the three part finales for each season, and the sole solo episode comfort and joy which is fucking awesome and my faviorite christmas episode period. But even with the extended run time the crew simply felt i’td be unwiedly to juggle 7 characters eveyr episode, feeling it’d eventually get to original series star trek leevels of having one just manning a console or something. So rather than try and cram them all into every episode, they choose who they needed and gave valid excuses for the rest when necessary. In this case Batman and Wonder Woman have solo missions their busy with , as does Superman whose adressing an earthquake. Our heroes try talking to the Manhunters.. who refuse to talk to them and then also say their coming for John, and aren’t explaning why. So naturally a brawl breaks out as the League SHOCKINGLY dosen’t want their friend who as far as they know has done nothing wrong taken by a brutish paramilitary force who won’t actual talk to the citzens their policing or try and be coporative. More on this in a second. The fight itself is pretty awesome as our heroes fight as evenly as they can.. but it’s clear their outgunned outplanned outnumbered and outmanned, as while their you know the justice league and do their best and Jonn is in Superman’s weight class the battle makes it VERY clear their barely holding in there and that the blast from the manhunters rods are just too potent for them to stand up against.

But help and hope arrives and things get a bit less lopsided when Superman shows up! Unfortunately it’s season 1 superman, and something a lot of fans noticed but I as a kid didn’t and the crew themslves did not until it was too late to course correct for the season, was that Superman came off as a bit of a wimp in this series. See they had the good intention of having him struck down to show a threat’s serious, something TV Tropes calls the “The Worf effect” after the fact that Worf on Star Trek TNG would get knocked on his ass a lot for the same reason, but it has the side effect of making a character look like their made of paper mache if done too often. To the crew’s credit they realized this and not only made sure this didn’t happen as much in season 2, but dedicated the first episode of Season 2, twilight, to showing Superman as a badass by having him try and cave Darkseid’s skull in. Granted they overcompensated in places in that episode, but that’s a story for another day. Point is he had a habit of getting knocked around and it varied between really effective and overselling it. Here it works as the manhunters had already knocked Jonn around a bit, knocking him into some poor kid’s apartment whose really wondering what the fuck just happened too much to enjoy meeting the martian manhunter, so him not being too on top of them simply sells this threat is equal, and possibly past the League.

Meanwhile John is talking to his former teacher who says the kid reminds him of John... it’s not only a nice bit of depth to show the restrained John used to be a bit of a hellraiser before the Marines.. but also shows John’s guilt as he hopes not.. but before he can unload, he notices the fight and suits up to his old mentors shock and the kids joy, I mean I would too if a guy suddenly because a green lantern in front of me, and dashes off.. to surrender and break up the fight, handing over his ring and going with them and telling the League not to interfere. Their response can be summed up thusly.

To John, he’s peacefully surrendering for a crime he comitted to a bruitsh and unfair police force but one who is duly deputized and as an officer himself, for the unaware the Green Lanterns are space cops and given the reason rightfuly reconing on the police I will certainly be discussing this as we go, is trying to coparate and prevent any collateral. While LIKELY Bruce pays for any that happens, as beneath his batdick demanour at times he’s a very good man and if he has the pockets for a space station, space craft, commuincators and all the good stuff a superhero team has on hand, he probably has a dedicated fund set up to paying for collateral since insurance might not cover it, and not only that would likely give any impacted extra to do any upgrades they coudln’t before because he’s a philanorphist .. one who dresses up like a bat to punch people in the face, but that itself is still philathophy in a way.

But to the League? Their friend was taken by a bunch of shady paramilitary robots who didn’t bother talking to them, is trying to keep them out of it and for all they know only surrendered to prevent a fight, and even if he had valid reasons, as his friends-ish and teammates, they have a right to answers. So while John sits in his cell completlating his apparent crimes.. the JL have taken off in the Javelin, the spaceship I mentioned batman funding. And of course Batman has both spaceship money and had a design for one so ready it likely took a month at most for him to get it up and running, if not less, and only didn’t have one in the batcave because he hadn’t neededed it yet and likely didn’t want to embezle more money than he has to from his company. Jonn uses the stars John saw, say that three times fast I dare you, to find a location and our heroes head there. Our heroes arrive.. and are attacked by the local security despite Superman geninely trying to hail them, the Javelin not firing back and our heros only going out to intercpet personally so they don’t die, and even then making careful certainty not to attack. So we get another thrilling battle, with our three flying heroes all pitching in, and the flash realizing he dosen’t know how to fly the thing and me cursing out bruce in my head for you know, not either forcing flash to learn the stuff, or having the forsight to put a manual on board for any members who forgot something, aka so when Wally inteivibly goofs off and eats candy instead of reading it the first time, he can speed read it and at least retain it long enough to land the thing in a crisis. If it were anyone else i’d be understanding but this is the guy who again, either had spaceship plans lying around or could get one together in the span of a month or so and while not thinking of the ship in terms of a team, still also paid for and likely created the commuincators they used, so he’d know his team well enough to know he needs this.

My nitpicking aside, our heroes land, make quick work of the locals, and then crash in on John’s trial after he’s escorted in, passing his fellow lanterns who rightfully treat him with disdain.. but for the wrong reasons as we’ll see. John gives groaning “oh no” , like he’s embarassed. When REALLY..

Seriously John, again you were as far as they knew kidnapped, and the way the manhunters acted, they had no reason to think they were legitamate, and you didn’t take five minutes to tell them, “They have every reason to be takning me” or “I blew up a planet I deserve this” . They still would’ve came mind you, they just might of realized this wasn’t a traditional rescue mission and actually tried to use some subtly. You also COULD have told the manhunters they might show up so the security wouldn’t attack them. They probably woudln’t o LISTEND or attacked themselves, so i’ts a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation, but you still did absolutely nothing. It’s the one mistep with John here and even then it has the justification of his self loathing at the moment being so high, he assumed they’d rightfully write him off without question.. not to mention given the team is mostly white guys, two aliens and a princess who woudln’t know better, he probably assumed like most white dumbasses they’d assume the police were correct and not give him the benifit of a doubt. To their credit, especially since you know one of them’s superman and the other one’s a professional dumbass, they didn’t think that for a second. Some would not be such a good person.

But Prosecutor Forman and the big giant heads aren’t much better than the manhunters, so Prosecutor Forman sends some orange guys to put foots up their asses.. and since unlike the manhunters their just... some ambigiously gendered aliens with no powers, they go down quick and before the manhunters enter, superman RIGHTFULLY calls them out, as he points out they just wanted to know what the hell was going on, didn’t throw the first punch, and have been under attack since, and the heads admit this IS a public trial, and they kinda overreacted so as long as the superfriends don’t do any other antics and watch like anyone else, their good. Superman has his team play it safe for now as they really don’t know what’s going on and given they could only stalemate the manhunters on even footing, they know they can’t take them on their home turf.

The trial is soon underway, and Prosecutor Forman calls the witnsees.. Kanjar Ro, also voiced by Smith. This is neat little bit as Ro was one of the first foes the League fought in the comics, a space pirate, and while he originally was just going to be some random asshole, someone brought up the idea of him being Ro and the crew really loved it. It’s a nice nod to the comics and honestly if you have a vast superhero universe with decades of continuity to draw from for your show, why NOT make the secondary villian of the episode be someone from the comics.

Ro is, like the comics, a pirate and seemingly came forward because what John did was so bad even he can’t stomach it and has to say something. So we FINALLY find out what John did.. well okay the audience as a whole does I remember this from being a kid. He and Ro had a routine cop and robber interaction, Ro was smuggling shit, and John was doing his job as GL of Sector 2814 and stopping him and cut out his engine.. but seemingly said engine drifted off, and destroyed a planet as result via chain reaction, and thus the debris right outside the planet John’s being tried on are apparently thsoe of the planet he accidently killed. The court takes a break and while the League, understandably, assume that the obviously shady man was lying John ends part one by confirming that no he did it. And this is why I put a pin in things... because the episode being about a space cop being arrested by worse space cops and dealing with his friends in the badge turning on him while some of his other friends try to prove he’s innocent, and the man in question being an african american... tackles some very loaded issues that, givent he writer and most of the staff, Dwayne McDuffie accepted, were very much white, i’m thinking they just kind of fell backward into and it only came out as good as it did either do to McDuffie or just blind luck that it didn’t turn out entirely awful in hindsight.

And if anyone is complaning: “Wait you dont’ need to get political leave politics out of this”.. please leave my fucking blog. For one, the recknoing with the police was long overdue, I feel ashamed for not having it sink in how fundementally broken the police were and not realizing it for my whole fucking life, I knew some cops were bad but I hadn’t realized the institution was inherently racist and bad and feel so much deep and lasting shame for that, and for another again it’s a story that at it’s core is a black police officer being arrested for doing something wrong, taking full responsiblity for his actions like a police officer SHOULD, and having friends of his try and prove he didn’t really do it, while his fellow officers, rather than find the act itself abohhrent, come out as either being loyal to john no matter what (kilowog) because fellow officer, or assholes who ONLY are upset because it makes them look bad, and are ONLY distancing themselves because of that, and not because you know JOHN MAY OF CAUSED A GENOCIDE BY INCOMPETNECE. So yeah, i’m not ignoring the real world implications, I couldn’t and wouldn’t if I wanted to, and i feel if done right ANY medium, animation, comics, what have you, for kids or not, can tackle such issues and should be able to.

So i’m not ignoring the elephant in the room, and as we get into part 2 we get the good and bad of this in full: Superman feels something’s off about this whole thing, a hunch admitely but given an engine falling in a crater seems a bit too convinent, he has a right to investigate and takes MM to do so, while he leaves Flash and Hakwgirl to stall. Both take diffrent approaches: Flash signs on as GL’s lawyer.. and it’s an awesome scene as we find out, in your standard evil lawyer joke, that the tribunal of faces solved this by simply having the lawyer share the punishment.. but it also shows Flash’s loyalty and faith that his friend did not do this and something worse is at work, as he still agrees after learning he’ll probably die if his other friends don’t fix this.

And now we have full context i can get into where this episode really does the issue justice for the most part: John is presented as the model of both what the GL Corps and what police should be: He’s professional, uses minimal force despite having a weapon that can do anything, and when he THINKS he did something horrible, he dosen’t run from his crime: the most he does is go back home to see it once last time, simply waiting for someone to come and get him for what it did wether it be his own brothers in arms or as we saw the manhunters and he doesn’t defend himself because he dosen’t feel he should as he screwed up, got an entire planet killed, and rightly thinks he should pay for it. He’s likely, as a black man in the early 2000′s, been falsely accused, pulueld over and fucked over by police and seen people in his community he knewe and care about die because of shit like this so when given the chance to take responsibility, even from a clearly broken system, he does. Because in the same situation a lot of officers back at home would not and would walk away clean and that’s not who John Stewart is, how he was raised, or what he or the corps stands for.

But the episode gets to have it’s cake and eat it too, as the League does belivie John didn’t do this on purpose.. and the blind faith they especially superman did come off as wince inducing.. until I realized it’s not because of some “brotherhood of the badge” bullshit.. but because it’s Superman. He belivies in the good of most people. In this very series despite Lex Luthor having tried to kill him dozens of times at this point, he STILL shows the guy empathy when he finds out Lex is dying of cancer. Lex spits at the notion of course and dosen’t take it seroiusly.. but Superman is just that good a person, so if he has a hunch somethings’ wrong.. it probably is. And even if he and Jonn found nothing... it’s the right thing to do. A crime should ALWAYS be properly investigated to make sure someone dosen’t hang for something they did not do. This is what I meant by have it’s cake and eat it too: the episode tackles police brutality.. but the accused is also the victim, and it thus tackles the unfairness in the us courts, how black people are often assumed guilty when that’s horribly racist and biased as fuck and how Police are assumed correct. Our heroes are assuming john is right based on optisim but are not wrong for wanting him to at LEAST get a fair trial and full investigation that clearly was not done. It also covers, again probably intetioanlly, how some are often not able to get proper representatin, with this court outright getting rid of it, which is wrong and bad, and the flash being the best John can do and not very good at it, mostly stalling for time. It shows the system’s brokena nd soemtimes you have to directly fight iht and can’t just take it , and even if your convinced your guilty and want to rightfuly take the blame for something your sure you did... you still deserve a fair trial and a compitent one.

It’s not all good: as said the gl’s are portrayed as bad for not wanting anything to do with john, and in order to make them unsympathetic they care more about their rep than the fact a friend may of comited genocide and kilowog showing up and providing character witness is seen as a good thing, even if he provides no actual character evidence other than “Johnny’s a good guy” and that’s not ideal. It’s not perfect and again it was writtne by an old white guy so of course it isn’t but the fact it gets so much right the more you dig in despitei t’s awwkardness and being written and aired 20 years ago... that is nothing to sneeze at.

We have more to dig into here too with the manhunters but first moreof the plot: While the other stuff mentioned happens, Superman and Jonn investigate as said.. and we find out WHY superman was supscious: while it was part hunch.. he did in fact have valid reason to suspect something was off, and as we saw actually heard the case against his friend first, and only went against it because the evidence was off.. in that the MOON of the planet is still there and should’ve flown off. He and Jonn soon find a MASSIVE device that John identifies as a bigger version of a toy he had as a kid, something that created images... and again shows whya PROPER investigation was needed. Had the court actually looked into it instead of presuming John guilty, they would’ve found this thing too. Naturally though Kanjar Ro has followed them and wants to kill them.. but with her subplot wrapped up Hawkgirl went to seei f they needed backup, stealing one of the guard ships which given they attacked people on ap lanet iwth a PUBLIC TRIAL going on without haling them yeah don’t blame her, and kicks his ass. Our heroes find out the truth as I mentioned earlier: Ro was paid to lie and be in on things for an assload of money.. byt he Manhutners.. who at the moment are plotting to strike while Oa, the home of the green lanterns is weak, as the Guardians who created them and monitor them mostly left to go to the trial.

As we catch up with them, THe guardians speak on each lantern being trusted with the ring and given little oversight.. because they pick wisely. The prosecutor just wants John to hang, calls for a sentence, which is death and John and Flash nearly die, in case you thought I was pulling those parallels out of my ass. But Superman rushes in, and in a small, subtle gag he and Jonn do so thorugh a small pain of glass put over where they enterted last time, fight off security and save them, and before prosecutor foot in the ass can harumph about it more.. Superman claims jonn’s innocent..a nd has Shiera smash the generator, showing he indeed is, getting John aquitted. John also attacks Ro, who they brought along as a witness, rightfully so, but the League get him to stop as they don’t have time for that: the Guardians are strangely leaving after that, the manhunters are clearly doing something given their asbent, so John retakes his ring, restored to who he was now knowing he truly WAS innocent and was simply set up.. and he wants to find out why.

We soon get the why as the Guardians explain the manhunters after the League won’t let them just.. brush by after they aburbtly tried to leave. They AREN’T behind the current attack.. but did create them, feeling robots would be better policeman. They were wrong, with the manhunters lacking empathy, being far too military in their job, and generally not being up for it so they simply gave them smaller jobs as bounty hunters, court balifs that sort of thing ans assumed they were fine because they didn’t say anything. As John puts it perfectly “Not outloud. “ And this itself is the other thing that makes the episode work as an allegory, if a very unteitonal one: The Manhunters are the police as they are now, violent brutes with way too much power, no restraint in using it and no ounce of mercy or sympathy for those they protect. And the Guardians rightfully removed this system, and replaced it with the corps. And while the Corps STILL have a lot of leway and power, being free to investigate on their own provided OA dosen’t call them to do someting specific, and given a ring that can do anything within corps guidelines, which basically means “don’t kill” and “don’t be a dick with it”, the guardians still watch them, do not interfere in trials and choose very wisely. not only that ther’es only one officer per sector, each sector being galaxies wide.. but that’s because that’s only what’s NEEDED. One Lantern with the power to take on entire fleets if needed, which is a fair amount of power given the scope of the job, and come in as requested by the people themselves, honestly isn’t a bad system. Granted the corps is wonky from time to time in the comics as are the guaridans depending on the writer, but at it’s core the corps really sounds like a more responsible versoin of the police: given just the gear necessary, the men necessary, and only called in when truly needed or if they spot a crime in process. THat’s what the people protecting us should be like and that’s why this episode still works.

Obviously though I was aware of none of this as a kid, and the real reason I loved this episode is this climax. The League arrives on Oa just in time to provide backup. Presumibly the guardians there and incoming with the league simply dont have the power to spare to call for reinforcments. Which is weird but fair enough drama wise and our heroes storm the planet , with the corpsmen from before all showing up to pitch in. But John gets there too late as the head manhunter drains the central power battery, the source of the lantern’s powers, and declares I AM THE POWER, refusing to accept he’s out of date.

And this, folks is the moment that made me love the lanterns for life. John is outgunned, the wise old wrinkled blue men who gave him his powers drained of there, starring down a massive monster planning to subjigate the universe... and he does not blink. See lanterns are picked for their willpower, their abliity to stare down things like this, and fight anyway, their very rings controlled by this, by their own force of personhood. It’s another reason besides logistics why theires only one per sector: it’s that hard to find one. Earth is so remarkable because , even if it’s simply so we could have more stars in the books over time in real world, we produced not ONE person capable of this.. but 7.. Alan Scott whose not in the corps but whose powers stll work on will and could probably use a regular corps ring very much included. John was chosen because he simply won’t give up. He gave up before.. but it was the right thing to do and ultimately biding his timea nd accepting his trial.. gave his friends time to aquit him and prove he was framed.

But now is not the time to back down.. now’s the time to stand.. so how does John win? By USING his will, by using the reason he was chosen coupled with ihs own personal dedication and concentration, he grabs his ring as it floats toward the guy, takes it back.. and starts reciting the lantern oath. And since the Manhunter is indeed “The power”.. it means he too can be controlled like any lantern energy. and thus with every bit of willpower he has, struggling all the while but not moving a damn inch, John recites his oath and shoves the monster that framed him, and the power he stole, back into the battery, all while saying an oath so badass it has been etched into my head since thanks to this episode. Say it with me now..

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night No Evil Shall Escape My Sight Let Those Who Worship Evil’s Might BEWARE MY POWER, GREEN LANTERN’S LIGHT!

And the credit goes to phil lamarr, who delivers the oath with all the gravitas and awesomeness it’s first delivery in this continuty it deserves. It was this that made me a lifelong fan: one man with the power of anytihng using PURE MENTAL STRENGTH AND DETERMiINATION TO SHOVE AN EVIL ENERGY BEING IN A GIANT LANTERN WHILE RECITING A BADASS AND AWE INSPIRING OATH. And if that dosen’t sell you on the Green Lantern’s being awesome I can’t help you and don’t know why your here.

So wrapup time: The Guardians genuinely thank john, saying they choose well, and John brushes off his fellows corpspersons as they should’ve belivied him and thanks the League for having faith in him even when he didn’t. And while the former part has some.. bad implications we’ve gotten into already, I also can’t entirely blame him given they did it not because he might’ve killed someone but again, because

Precisley. So our heroes prepare to head home, cue the credits.

Final Thoughts:

So how does this episode hold up 20 years later? As should be obvious, damn well. It’s a good introduction for the corps, if showing them to be kinda assholes in places, and a good spotlight episdoe for John showing who he is what he stands for and again how TRULY MONUMENTALLY BADASS the man is. And lest you think the comics versoin is any LESS badass, he once got into a sniper duel in with Bedovian, a member of the Sinestro Corps and a crab person.. who was as I forgot till looking it up, THREE SECTORS, which i’ll remind you can comprise entire galaxies, away, with a ring made sniper rifle. In one shot no less. Point is even with some.. wonkier aspects, and ones that aren’t intetnional, it still works and is a shockingly relevant episode 19 years later and the fight scenes, as are standard for the series, are overwhelmingly awesome. Check this one out, and the series as a whole. With its great animation, character work and general badassery this one’s worth a few watches. And obviously given my love of this seires, and it’s 20th anniversay next year, and my love of John, check back here for more John-centric episodes throughout the year as we celebrate the guy. And I will also celebrate the green lantern NAMED guy eventually too, and jessica.. and all of them ebcause I love them all. Yes.. even Hal. As for which John episode i’m doing next? Easy, one that intorduces me to a character I love who dosen’t get used near enough, Metamorphisis. The when I can’t say QUITE yet as my March schedule is full and most of my ongoing projects are on the backburner so I can tackle two arcs of ducktales, which coincidentally happened to be in time for the finale. That wasn’t planned AT ALL mind you, it just ended up working out really well that way. For now though tommorow I begin my coverage of the final 4 episodes of ducktales with “Beaks in the Shell” and later this week finish up black history month with blacksad, continue my Lena retrospective with a money shark and some pr work, cover the second season of close enough, celebrate Tex Avery’s birthday and also celebrate the new Tom and Jerry movie.. with the OLD tom and jerry movie. Until then, see you next rainbow.

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420themanbehindtheslaughter69 · 3 years

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Found Diary...

This is 100% based on a TikTok I legit just saw by yoongi.xd so full credit to them for the idea :)

R/F/N = Random Female Name R/M/N = Random Male Name

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff, angst(?), lemon(not really)

Au: Non-Idol au, High School au, Gender neutral! Reader, it's 2019, Yoongi is 17

Song: Bubblegum Bitch by Marina and the Diamonds

Word Count

Warnings: swearing,

Pov: alternating

POV - Y/n's First Person

High school... I hate it. I've always hated it. I feared going into high school since I was little. The only reason why I had any bit of motivation is that I got to see my best friend Yoongi.

Min Yoongi. The introvert who can do literally anything. It's crazy. I don't know how we ended up becoming friends, but we did. He's always been a tough cookie and had a hard exterior. Though it didn't take long for me to break into it.

It apparently took less amount of time for this bitch named R/f/n. They met about two months ago, and they're already sucking faces.

Which is what's happening right now.

"Can you guys like not to do that while I'm trying to eat?" I look at Yoongi and R/f/n and they pull away.

"No." R/f/n scoffs trying to pull Yoongi back in for a... I can't even call it a kiss. "No, R/f/n, it's okay. We can continue later, Okay?" R/f/n pouts and nods her head, making me fake a gag.

"Okay, Yoongi-Baby. I should probably get going then. I love you." She stands up giving him another kiss. "I love you too, R/f/n." They wave to each other and she exits the cafeteria.

"Fucking finally. I thought that you'd be stuck there forever." My comment makes Yoongi chuckle. "Yeah, she's really touchy. It's okay though. I like her a lot." He looks down with a shy smile on his face.

"Yeah, I know you like her a lot. And I'm so happy that you've finally found someone that makes you happy." He looks up at me and I smile at him. "What do you mean? You make me happy? You're my friend." The legendary words that make any fool break.

Being friends with him is great and all but I think I would prefer to be more. "You know what I mean, Yoongi. We're friends, not lovers. She makes you happy in a romantic way." I stick my spoon in the pudding of my school lunch and stir it around before deciding that there is no way in Hell am I going to eat it.

"Thank god you're not about to eat that. I probably would've thrown up if you did." Yoongi says chuckling before drinking the chocolate milk in a cardboard box. "It's chunky." He continues after setting the milk down.

I look at the pudding and pull a face of disgust. "Yeah, it's very chunky." I throw the spoon on the tray and look over at the clock on the wall. "We have 10 minutes to get to class... Do you wanna start heading there now?" Yoongi nods and we both stand up and throw our shit away.

As we exit the Cafeteria, this stupid fucking bitch, R/m/n, throws a basketball at me. I hate guys. "Yo Yoongi! You gonna play later? Also sorry..." He stops for a moment and looks at me. "You." He then looks back at Yoongi.

"Nah, I promised Y/n that I'd help them with their homework." R/m/n nods and walks away. I completely forgot that I had asked him to help me.

"Thank fucking god it's Friday. I literally don't wanna have to deal with these fuckers for much longer." Yoongi says wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

~ After School~

"Do you really need help? It seems as if you just wanted to hang out?" Yoongi drops the notebook onto his bed and looking at me. Obviously, I lied. I look away in shame, and he chuckles. "If you wanted to hang out, you could've just asked. We're friends after all."

"But it seems as if we've been so distant." He lets out a long sigh and he rubs his eyes.

"Is this about R/f/n?" Yoongi raises his voice a little bit, making me jump.

"No, it isn't about R/f/n. I mean it kind of is bu-" Yoongi lets out a long irritated sigh.

"Why do you hate her so much? What the fuck did she do to you?" He yells at me.

"I never said I hated her!" Even though I do despise her, I would never admit that, especially to Yoongi. "What the fuck is your problem? Why are you getting so mad at me?" Suddenly, I'm angry. All I wanted was to hang out with Yoongi outside of school after what seems like the first time in months, and he's getting angry with me for no reason? Oh hell no.

"Recently all you've been doing is complaining about the fact that we're never with each other, but you're forgetting that we literally go to the same school and that we have most of the same classes! It's so fucking annoying!" I'm furious now. I stand up and start packing up my stuff with tears in my eyes.

I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because I'm angry. I run out of his room and get my shoes on at his door. "Y/n... I didn't mean to-" He calmly states as he stands at the top of the stairs.

"No. Fuck you Min Yoongi." I finally walk out of his house wanting nothing more than to lay in my bed. I want nothing more than to be at home, in my own room, with my headphones in, curled up under my blankets. I stomp down the street speedily, I turn around and see Yoongi standing outside his house.

"Yeah... fuck you Min Yoongi," I mutter looking forward again.

Lunchtime... It used to be my favourite subject in school because that's when I got to see Yoongi. It's been about a week since our fight. It was such a silly fight as well. I also haven't felt like eating out in public, so I haven't been buying any lunch.

Yoongi seems happy. He's been with the basketball players, their girlfriends, and R/f/n. He's acting as if nothing happened, as if he didn't freak out at me. I only have two other friends other than him, and one of them, Tara, doesn't have the same lunch as me.

"Hello~ Earth to Y/n!" Tommy says, waving his hand in front of my face. Tommy and Tara are twins, and they both happen to my two other friends. Convenient, I know. "You've been staring at Yoongi for the past ten minutes." Tommy continues before taking a big bite of his sandwich.

A sandwich that includes turkey, bologna, provolone cheese, mayo, and tofurkey. For some reason, he likes the smokey flavour of the fake meat mixed with the real meat. "Yeah, I'm aware I've been staring at him." I roll my eyes, playfully making Tommy laugh.

Tommy. Twin brother of Tara. Both are seventeen and from America. He has messy brown hair and greenish-brown eyes that look green in the right lighting, and in another lighting, looks brown. Cheap warm-tones cafeteria lighting makes his eyes the in-between colour of hazel. He has pale skin with natural red cheeks, along with freckles across his nose. He's not unattractive but he's definitely not on most people's level of beauty.

"How are you after the fight?" He says nonchalantly, peeling the crust off of part of the sandwich he's about to bite into.

"I wouldn't necessarily call it a fight. More of a 'he flipped and I didn't wanna deal with it' situation." I pick at my nails anxiously. I don't wanna talk about this. Tara knows that, but I guess she didn't tell Tommy.

"Yeah... Right." He says squinting his eyes at me to show he doesn't fully believe me. "Anyway, you wanna hang out after school? My biological dad sent a new video game if you wanna try it with me." I look at him with wide eyes, making him chuckle a little.

"Fuck yeah! What time?" He stops and thinks for a moment.

"Four-Thirty? I have theatre club after school."

I also have stuff after school to do. Not like a club, I mean I guess you can call it that, but I just go and chill out in the Library, reading a book with a group of other students. It's not a club where you have to sign up to be in, but more of a free-range. It's fun and relaxing, especially since I don't have to talk to anyone there unless the leader really wants us to, which she's an introvert and doesn't want to.

Alas, the school day is over. It's two-fifteen, the bell has rung indicating that we can now leave, but I head over to the library. Oh, I'm the first one here. I take a deep breath as I sit in the comfortable cushioned rocking chair in the corner of the Library. This area is very isolated, which is why we sit over here. It's quiet and away from other students who are wanting to come in here and study or something.

Though it's isolated, in the seat I am in, I have the perfect view of the door, which is open from Seven-thirty to two-fifteen, and then after, the Librarian, Mr Kim, who isn't too much older than us, closes the door but it remains unlocked.

It's now two-thirty, most of the kids that usually show up are here reading their books, there are a few new students who just wanted an escape, and-

"Ayo Yoongi pass the ball!" I look over at the door and see a dude, I recognize as R/m/n catching the brownish-red ball from a shorter boy with dark hair, I can obviously notice is Yoongi, especially since R/m/n called his name. I whine slightly as I slump into my chair. I hear the girls who are misogynistic for their boyfriend's validation giggle as they watch the guys.

Please God... don't let them see me.

Luckily they didn't, and I continue reading until I finish the book. Then I packed up my stuff and decided that it was better off that I leave early.

POV- Yoongi's First Person

"Hey, Yoongi~" R/f/b comes strutting over with her friends with a notebook in her hand. That looks like Y/n's notebook... she never let anyone touch it.

"I found Y/n's diary." She smiles mischievously.

"Let's read it!" R/m/n says, and the others agree. "But Yoongi should be the one to read it." R/f/n rolls her eyes before handing it to me.

I don't really wanna have to do this...

"Dear Diary, I will be writing all of my important accomplishments or just important things in general here. So starting with today, we have a new kid. He's really cute, I'm afraid to talk to him though."

"Boring! Skip forward!" One of R/f/n friends say. I nod and skip a few pages. October tenth two-thousand thirteen... that's when Y/n and I met.

"Today is October 10, 2013. Oh, dear Diary, I met a boy. He made my dull heart light up with joy. He's shy and kind of mean, but I think I can become his friend. I'm gonna keep trying." Oh god... I continue reading every few pages until the most recent...

"Dear Diary... we fell apart. He yelled at me and called me annoying. I had lied to him, saying I needed help with homework, when in reality, I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to be with him outside of school, with no interruptions from his basketball friends who always push me around when he's not there, with no interruptions from his snobby girlfriend to told me to go kill myself and to stay away from him. Just him and I. But when he noticed that I didn't actually need help, he flipped. I don't know what I did wrong... maybe it was because I kept it a secret that his friends are so shitty. At least I still have Tommy and Tara. They're the only ones I need. Oh, who am I kidding? I miss him so much. I love him." My heart stops as I continue reading. I look up at the people around me who just stare at me awkwardly and apologetically.

"Did you guys really do that to them?" I take them not answering as a yes. I look down at my watch to see it only just hit four o'clock. I have to go see y/n...

I put their diary in my bag and swing it over my shoulder before running out of the library. Everything seems to have turned in slow motion. My heart is pounding My friends are yelling after me, but all I want is to see y/n. I want to see their beautiful smile again. They like me... They like me. I was so blind to notice, but now I think about it, it was so obvious. I smile while running as I think about all the moments I have had with Y/n.

I finally arrived at Y/n's house, I'm out of breath and my legs sting. I walk up to the front door...

POV- Y/n's First Person

It's currently Four twenty-five, so I should probably start heading out to Tommy and Tara's house. Just as I open the door, I am greeted by someone I really don't wanna see. Yoongi.

"Y/n..." He lets out a long sigh and a small smile. "I'm so sorry. I fucked up. I don't even know why I freaked out as I did." I just stand there. I don't know what to say to him. I miss him... I miss being with him. I open my mouth to say something, but my mouth is dry and I can't say anything. Yoongi steps closer. My heart pounds out of my chest. His hand makes contact with my hip hand and...

The world around us has stopped. Nothing else is important. Min Yoongi is standing in my doorway kissing me. His single hand on my waist, slides around to my back, pulling me closer. We can't...

I push him away. "Yoongi..." I whisper. I didn't mean for it to come out so quietly, but with how nervous I am I can't help it. I want to kiss him. I've always wanted to... but now that it's actually happening-

"Y/n... I love you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry... please I need you back in my life... I never realized your feelings for me until just recently, and because I finally realized, that made me rethink everything. I never truly liked R/f/n... I never felt the way I do when I'm with you. You make me happy." He pants, pulling me toward my living room couch. I comply and sit next to him.

"Yoongi... I really like you. I always have. But you never liked me, why has that suddenly changed?" I want to cry. I feel so overwhelmed by everything. He shrugs before placing his hand on my cheek.

"Can I kiss you again... please?" I don't even care anymore. I nod and he pulls me towards him. His soft upturned lips make contact with mine. I move his silky hands from my cheek to my waist, and I hold onto his face. Yoongi's tongue tries to enter my mouth, but I allow it. I suck on his tongue as his lips are still pressed to mine.

Knock Knock Knock Knock

We pull away quickly. He laughs at the string of spit connecting us before I stand up and go over to the door.

"Hey, Tommy."

"It's five o'clock... is everything okay?" I look at my phone and my eyes widen. Has it really been thirty minutes since Yoongi got here?

"Yeah everything's fine, I'll be over in a minute though, okay? I might need to even wait until my mom gets home so she can drive me over since it's getting dark." Tommy nods and smiles. He waves and walks away, so I quickly shut the door and walk back over to Yoongi. "My room, now," I say softly and we both run up the stairs and into my room.

It's been a while since he's been in my room. I never told her, but my mom knew I liked Yoongi and as much as she trusted him, she felt afraid that he would do something.

Yoongi tackles me onto my bed after locking my door. His hands are on either side of my head. He dips down and starts leaving small kisses up my neck to my mouth, once he reaches my mouth he just barely touches it. "Yoongi... please..." I whine and he chuckles. I tangle my fingers in his hair.

Oh god, his beautiful dark hair. People wouldn't consider his hair curly, but it has some natural texture to it. So silky and soft. So healthy... every damn thing about Yoongi is perfect. His soft lips trail from my mouth to the soft dimple on my cheek, down my neck. He lingers at my neck for a little while, allowing me to feel how perfect even his lips are. So good at kissing, I guess that watching him and R/f/n make out had to lead me to think otherwise... R/f/n.

"Wait... Yoongi." He pulls away with a hum and looks at me. His dark lust-filled eyes have now turned into precious puppy dog eyes. They're glossed over and widened, as his lips are in a pout. "What about R/f/n?" He chuckles, making me embarrassed for asking.

"I'm done with her. Don't think about her, or Tommy, or R/m/n, or Tara, or Mr. Kim, or Ms. Jung. Think about us." I nod and he leans down to kiss me again, but before he can, someone knocks on my door.

"Y/n, I'm home." My mom says on the other side of the door.

"Okay, hi mom!" I call out, Yoongi flops softly onto the space next to me and wraps his arms around me.

"Tommy give me my phone!" I yell as Tommy and I run around my living room. Yoongi and Tara laugh at us, and I finally grabbed my phone from him and stuff it in my pants.

"Do you really think that'll stop me?" He says reaching towards me, but stops when Yoongi lets out a cough. "Sorry, Yoongi. Didn't mean that in a creepy way." He awkwardly apologizes and we sit down on the couch. I drape the blanket over Yoongi and I, as Tommy and Tara fight over who gets to hold the popcorn.

"I thought this was gonna be a calm movie night," Yoongi whispers in my ear with a smile. I let out a soft laugh and look over at the two twins.

"At least Tara isn't threatening to shove her fist up his ass again." Just as I say that, Tara then yells she was gonna shove her fist up Tommy's ass.

"I don't want anything else than to be here with you guys," Yoongi whispers again, placing a kiss on my nose. "I love you."

"I love you more."

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entity9silvergen · 3 years

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My Oriented Aroace Headcanons From 8 Fandoms

Oriented Aroace is an aspec identity where someone does not experience sexual or romantic attraction but experience other forms of attraction in a way that causes another nonaspec label describing sexuality to feel significant enough to have a place alongside one’s aroace identity. For more information on this term, here is the info page on the oriented aroace subreddit and here is the wiki page on it.

Headcanon is a subbranch of fanon, meaning headcanon is something generally not accepted as canon but some fans choose to believe about the original content. In the queer community, it is common to headcanon characters as queer. Sometimes it’s with good reason, sometimes it’s just because we like the characters, sometimes it’s because we see something of ourselves within the characters.

Here are some of my oriented aroace headcanons.

1. Sai (Naruto)

This is by far my favorite aroace headcanon but I don’t talk about it much because I don’t want to support the stereotype that aromantics are heartless or that asexuals are traumatized. In Naruto Shippuden, Sai is a character who does not experience emotions after an illegal black ops organization killed his brother and brain washed him. He does, however, recover his emotions and learns to be very in touch with them. In Boruto, he is married to Ino and has a son named Inojin.

I headcanon Sai as pan-oriented aroace, possibly demialterous as well, but he experiences some degree of internalized homophobia and aphobia which leads him to pursue a romantic relationship with Ino. I don’t doubt that he loves her, he definitely does but I don’t think he loves her in the same way that she loves him. I wrote about this for Aromantic Writing Month. I believe that Sai initially started courting Ino because that was what was expected of him. Ino went along with it because she is attracted to him. At some point she probably realized Sai doesn’t quite feel the same way as her but they talked about it and continued their relationship as a allo-aspec qpr.

2. Rook Blonko (Ben 10)

Rook Blonko is Ben’s (work) partner in Ben 10: Omniverse. He is an alien from the planet Revonnah. When we see his homeplanet, we learn that he is very attractive by Revonnahgander and all the local girls are interested in him but he is bothered by it, only showing affection for one girl named Rayona. They end up dating later in the series. A couple villains show interest in Rook as well and he is usually bothered by it or has mixed feelings with no desire for reciprocation.

I headcanon him as hetero-angled aroace, specifically gray/ frayromantic and acespike. Gray romanticism means that someone is aromantic but can experience some kind of limited romantic attraction or experiences romantic attraction under specific circumstances. Frayromantic is essentially the opposite of demiromantic. Someone may experience romantic attraction that fades as they get to know the other person. Acespike means that someone is asexual but can sometimes experience spikes of sexual attraction.

If you have seen the show, you may know where my thoughts are coming from. Rook mostly shows romantic interest in Rayona before they start dating. Once they’re in a relationship, their feelings seem very platonic and their relationship is much like a qpr. This may be because of their age, lack of experience, or their culture but I’d like to imagine that Rayona feels the same way as Rook and they are in a qpr.

The only other character Rook has shown interest in is Isosceles Vreedle. He is briefly attracted her during a battle but doesn’t seem to have any intent on acting on his feelings (presumably because he is in a relationship). He seems to be aware that this is out of character for him, which leads me to believe that he is acespike.

3. Alain (Pokémon)

Alain is the star of the Mega Evolution specials and Ash’s main rival in the Kalos League. I headcanon him as gay-oriented aroace.

I don’t have much of a reason for this. Headcanons don’t necessarily need reasons but I’m still going to try to explain this one.

He never has any romantic interests in the show, probably because we don’t see much of him and his story is very focused on his Pokémon training. There are many characters who are solely focused on Pokemon training and that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re aroace but with Alain, I can’t really see him ever wanting to settle down or pursue a relationship though and he doesn’t seem like a women’s man.

His perfect life is retiring young from a decent battle career on a Pokemon ranch where he works as a Pokemon professor, giving out starter pokemon and providing a place for trainers to send their pokemon when their parties are full. He won’t have many visitors but maybe he’ll have a close companion to keep him company and help out with any projects he’s working on.

4. Toph (Avatar: The Last Airbender/ The Legend Of Korra)

Toph is Aang’s earthbending teacher in ATLA, the founder of metalbending in the comics, and Lin and Suyin’s mother in TLOK. I headcanon her as sapphic or trixic-oriented aroace.

Sapphic and trixic are both non-exclusive terms for attraction to women but sapphic is specifically for women and trixic is for non-binary people. Canonically, Toph is a girl but she is very free spirited and independent and I feel like she wouldn’t let something like gender limit her.

In TLOK, Toph does mention that she tried to have relationships with Lin and Suyin’s fathers but it didn’t really work out. I imagine that Toph is sex favorable and likes sex as kind of a fun way to enjoy herself but does not experience sexual attraction nor does she feel a need to have regular partners. Similar goes for romance. She is romance-indifferent but does not like it much.

The lesbian Toph headcanon is a popular one. Not really sure why but Toph seems like a ladies’ woman. She likes to have her fun and she just finds women to be better companions than men in these aspects. She doesn’t get attatched easily though and she’s not really into the commitment.

5. Korvo (Solar Opposites)

Again, I feel like this plays into a stereotype that I don’t want to support but these are my headcanons and I will do with them as I want. Korvo is an alien who is having a hard time adjusting to living on Earth. We know that his species has no biological sex and do not reproduce sexually but many of them choose genders, enjoy sexual activity, and pursue romantic relationships. I headcanon Korvo as bi-oriented aroace, possibly bi-electio aroace.

I have not seen the most recent season but in season 1, Korvo is mostly uninterested in anything outside of returning the ship. We have seen him in real no romantic contexts but he and Terry are co-parents of sorts. We also see him in a couple of sexual contexts. When he got zapped by a ray that removed his intelligence, he tried humping Terry and when he and Terry tried going to college, he remained on his side of his and Terry’s shared bed when Terry brought home sexual partners.

I don’t think Terry and Korvo are in a relationship or a qpr but am not completely opposed to the idea. My point was just that we know he isn’t repulsed by the idea of doing traditionally romantic or sexual things with someone who is masculine in nature. I think he could also appreciate what a woman brings to the table, as seen when he built a robot to fulfill the role of wife and mother in the house.

I don’t think Korvo is interested in a relationship but he does value the companionship and wouldn’t be unhappy with a partner. He may struggle to maintain a partnership but I don’t think gender would be much of a factor.

6. Todd Chavez (BoJack Horseman)

Todd is BoJack’s off-and-on best friend/ roommate. Canonically, he is asexual and heteroromantic (presumably, all we know for sure is that he is alloromantic). I headcanon him as straight-oriented aroace, specifically heteroqueerpatonic and panplatonic.

I love that Todd is canonically asexual and I appreciate that they showed an asexual character who is not aromantic. But, all of Todd’s relationships have that queerplatonic vibe. When he described the kind of relationship he wanted with Emily, it didn’t sound like a romantic relationship. What he had with Yolanda certainly wasn’t romantic. Maybe it was just the writing but Todd seemed most happy when his relationship resembled a qpr. When he was dating Maude, the lines between romance and friendship were blurry and they seemed very happy, and that included not doing traditionally romantic things like getting married.

I could also see Todd as greyromantic. For him, I feel like having a label isn’t really that big of a deal. Being able to say he was asexual was a big deal for him but he just wants to be himself and find whatever makes him happy. Sex and a traditional romantic relationship don’t really seem to be a part of that.

7. Silver Surfer (Marvel Comics)

Again, this isn’t one I talk about much because I don’t want to support the stereotype that aromantics or asexuals are inhuman or lacking emotion. Before becoming the Silver Surfer, Norrin Radd is in a relationship on his home planet and he does express interest in a few women after becoming the Silver Surfer. I headcanon him as straight-oriented aroace.

Some of it may have to do with Galactus’s interference. Maybe not. The Surfer doesn’t need sex or romance (no one does but you catch my drift) but he doesn’t really want it either. Sometimes it is portrayed from a sense of duty but we don’t really know what he’s feeling. He’s been one of my favorite characters for years so I may just be projecting but it feels right.

He can get lonely. He wants a companion but I don’t think he’d want a romantic one or even a queerplatonic partner. He’d be most happy with a friend and he’d get all the fulfillment he needs from one. A romantic partner might be a bit too much.

8. Gina Linetti (Brooklyn 99)

Gina is Jake’s childhood friend, Captain Holt’s assistant, and Boyle’s... something. I’ve seen a lot of headcanons that she is pansexual but I headcanon her as heteroflexible-oriented aroace.

Gina, like Toph, is just kind of doing her own thing. I feel like she’d be sex favorable and romance indifferent. Sex is fun, relationships are alright, she’s just living her best life. Men are nice, women are too. She’s just living life and rocking with whatever rolls her way.

When she has her daughter, she does want to settle down a bit but not with a man. She loves the kid and steps up to her new responsibility but she doesn’t let it change her. She’s still as wild and free and she doesn’t want or need anyone.

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timefirewrites · 4 years

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COMIC SANS INTRO

Taglist (ask to be added/removed): @black-lakritz-dragon @marewriteblr @spacetimewraithwrites @emmaschoutenwrites

ID under the cut would’ve prefered to put it here, but the post is already super long, sorry

[ID: thirteen google presentation slides, all written in the font comic sans, black text on a white background.

1. Title: “Gay Space Pirates", subtitle: “thats it thats the story”

2. Title: “What.” Text:

Okay so, everyone is queer

Literally, there’s not a single cishet character in this story

I’m not sorry <3

Most of the cast are non-humans, but the ones that aren’t are super diverse

Transfem muslim gal, intersex nerd with vitiligo, nonbinary overweight dumbass, I’ve got them all

There are also some disabled and mute characters

Oh, also they’re all neurodivergent because I said so

3. Title: “Setting!”, Text:

So, humans discovered aliens are real

and joined their Intergalactic Union

(which is definitely not evil)

That happened about 300 years ago and humans are now vibing all over the galaxy

Sounds great, right?

Well, for most humans, sure, but the ones who had to stay behind on Earth because they couldn’t afford space travel don’t like it as much

The situation on Earth is kind of shitty, and some people want to leave

4. Title: “pLoT??”, Text:

Neb is one of those people

They got an amazing plan to “borrow” a spaceship and never look back

Problem: Neb didn’t account for a robot to suddenly accompany them

The plan kind of fails real bad, but in the end the two escape from Earth

And immediately get picked up by space pirates

Fortunately, they don’t get killed

Because those pirates could really use an extra pair of hands or two, for their biggest mission yet

Which is retrieving a weapon apparently powerful enough to destroy the universe before someone else does

Nobody knows what it actually looks like though

5. Title: “Neb”, Text:

Nonbinary, aro and ace (they/them)

overweight

has idiopathic hypersomnia (basically means they sleep a lot)

also chronic migraines

pretty impulsive and says what they think

has a hard time trusting others

dreamt of going to space for as long as they can remember

On the right side of this slide is a picrew image, showing a person with brown skin, dark brown eyes and black, curly hair. They’re wearing a red bandana as well as a torn yeans jacket and have multiple scars on their skin. The background is the nonbinary flag.

6. Title: “Ahdia”, Text:

Transfem, bigender and pan (she/they)

mute

mechanic of the ship and the only one with a sense for fashion

happy go lucky and just overall fun to be around

pretty laid back, but would absolutely hunt you down if you hurt one of her friends

proud holder of the single brain cell this crew has

On the right side is an image as well, it shows a woman with fairer, but still brownish skin and brown eyes wearing a black hijab and a long-sleeved light blue shirt with clouds on it. The background is the trans flag.

7. Title: “Cap”, Text:

intersex, queer (they/them)

First time they show up, they’re holding a soda and pizza

likes organization in theory

wants to appear like a badass, but is too chaotic for that

needs to wear glasses, but doesn’t bother

Captain of the crew that picks Neb up

certified mess

Again, an image of the right shows a person, this time with dark brown skin and vitiligo, dark brown eyes and long, black dread-locks. They have some silver piercings in their ears and wear a dark purple hoodie. The background is the rainbow flag with the brown stripes on top.

The next three slides feature two columns each, each with an own title.

Title: “Com”, Text:

AI of the ship

shy and nervous mess

wants to visit all kinds of planets

loves taking care of plants

panromantic and ace

uses she/her, but doesn’t really care about gender

spends most of her time watching trashy romance movies

Title: “Coal”, Text:

The robot Neb befriended

Realized they were self-aware not even a day ago and already got anxiety

easily overwhelmed by everything

Has no idea what to do with themself

they/them

someone tells them knitting is a thing and they never do anything else ever again

Title: “Laser”, Text:

genderfluid, uses he/him or she/her

weapon specialist and tired of it

suffers from chronic neurogenic pain

speaks in a very monotone voice

writes poetry, but nobody is allowed to read it

canonically wears crocs

Title: “Lifo”, Text:

gender? no thanks (uses fel/fels pronouns)

tiny, but deadly

lost an arm and half a leg and replaced them with robotic parts (same for fels spine)

usually very loud, but can be completely silent if fel wants

cook of the ship

loves collecting trinkets

Title: “Nova”, Text:

He’s absolutely enormous, huge, colossal and every other synonym for really big you can think of

looks like he can kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll

licensed medic and mom friend of the crew

I lied when I said Ahida is the only one with a brain cell, Nova knows what he’s doing too

loves painting

Title: “Mer”, Text:

Don’t tell anyone I said this, but Mer is my favorite

if the name wasn’t clear enough, his species is aquatic

he’s beauty, he’s grace, he’ll punch you in the face

killed a man and will do so again

don’t cross him, he will get his revenge and you will regret your actions

seems like he has everything under control, but really doesn’t

11. Title: “some of my favorite lines”, Text (in no particular order):

“What’s up with your display?” Their voice sounded more steady now, which was good.

“I do not understand.” Their voice on the other hand just sounded confused.

“Oh, right. You probably can’t see it. You’re currently displaying an error message. Which just reads ‘error’. Not very helpful.”

“Fuck. I didn’t deactivate it.”

“We could just go in and race to the top.”

“What? No. Why would we do that? We can’t afford to get caught, we need to make a plan, Coal.”

“You said you wanted an adventure. Plus, I do not think we could create a plan, seeing as we know next to nothing about its defence and security.”

They said that because of them? They were just rambling earlier, not really thinking about it, just talking to fill the silence.

“Okay. But if anything goes wrong, it’ll be your fault.”

“Uh, I don’t think so? Better not touch it, though.” As Lifo said that, Cap could see fel fighting against the desire to do just that. At least Com would be happy.

Chapter 13 - they did surgery on a grape Neb

“Oh. I’m the ship. Nice to meet you?”

Whatever the hell was going on, they didn’t sign up for this.

“I am fine.” Perfectly fine. Mhm.

Coal nodded, then just stood around?

"You're outnumbered now! Coal agreed to watch Love On A Foreign Planet with me. So, uh, get moving, Fishsticks."

They settled on two things they were pretty sure were edible: a soda labeled “SpacePop: the best soda in the universe” with a “multiple sunsets on Madoras” flavor and some leftover pizza. (They were pretty sure Madoras didn’t exist, they never heard of that planet before. Maybe they shouldn’t drink that soda after all.)

“I’m Laser, my gender is a burning trash can and my pronouns depend entirely on the mercy of the universe.”

12. Title: “Homegrown memes”, this slide is filled with six different memes.

A windows error message, but the title and text is just screaming. The two options are “AAA” or “AAA”. It’s labeled “Coal”.

A photo of two people in wedding clothes. They’re labeled “Laser and Lifo”, in the background is a person falling from the sky, labeled “Com”.

Spiderman (labeled “Mer”) is holding a screen labeled “dealing with a breakup like a normal person”, in the next frame that screen is being thrown away as spiderman looks at a pc being held by someone else labeled as “commiting murder”.

A person is being kicked into a lake by someone else. They’re labeled “Coal trying to figure out what to do now that they’re self-aware”. The person kicking them is labeled “the plot”.

The “is this a pigeon” meme, but the guy is labeled as “Cap”, the butterfly as “wearing a hoodie and truly horrendous shorts” and the caption now says “is this formal dress attire?”.

The last meme is a chart, with five rows and two columns.

Row 1: Regularly says fuck: Coal, Lifo

Row 2: has sworn of saying fuck, but said it at some point: Cap, Neb

Row 3: has not said fuck before, but can if so desired: Laser, Ahdia, Mer

Row 4: has not said fuck before and refuses to say it: Com, Nova

Row 5: legally cannot say fuck: also Coal

13. This slide is an image of Earth as seen from space. Above it white text reads “the End”. /end ID]

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werevulvi · 3 years

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I'm starting to slowly understand that this de-transition I'm doing will probably always be pretty rough on me. I'm re-watching "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" for the millionth time. I guess, for being about a hyper-feminine, conventionally attractive girl, it's pretty empowering. And Giles is definitely my favourite, British dork. Buffy is empowering because she really doesn't need anyone to help her out, except when she wants help. She's the furthest thing from a helpless damsel in distress, but she's also vulnerable and in many ways, like any other teenage girl.

I guess I can relate to that, on the level of depths I rarely swim in. Except in reverse. Like I look really masculine, male, and very different from other women, but on the inside I'm still vulnerable, and understanding the world from having been socialised female, like I guess most women are, to various degrees. And I guess I'm holding onto that. Sometimes too much. Sometimes... even to my detriment.

But when your womanhood is almost literally hanging by a thread, and you treasure it... it's easy to clutch too damn hard at it, as if your life somehow depended on that grip. And I guess that's how Buffy got me thinking, really a lot. Thoughts that have been passing through my mind for a while now, finally stuck around long enough for me to grasp.

It feels like there's just no ideal solution for me. I'm still generally at a pretty good place with my gender and presentation now. There's nothing I really wanna change, except from going back on testosterone. But how satisfied am I really? That's the difficult question. I get these moments here and there, when I get... you know, sad. I guess I get jealous of women who still look like women. Like Buffy, and all those other female characters that I relate to (all three of them, lol.) Their ability to blend into society as one of the females. That which I once used to take for granted, and barely even was aware of, and did not even like.

As a teen and throughout most of my 20's, I didn't like the idea of "blending in" or looking "normal" as I saw that as equal to disappearing and becoming insignificant. I liked standing out, to look like a someone, instead of a no one. But for the past couple of years? Not so much. I don't have that same mindset anymore. Now I understand that when people don't pay attention to what I look like... they finally notice my personality. And I really like that. I feel no need to have an alternative style for the sake of expressing myself anymore, although I'm still drawn to tattoos and piercings. If anything, it rather hinders people from truly listening to me, because they're too busy judging my appearance!

Whether I stand out now or not, well... I do have kind of a choice over. Just not so much in my favour. Or well, it is, but at the same time not. I can blend in among men as a "normal" looking guy, which takes no effort and has become my go-to, but I can never do that as a woman. I mean, I'm not just recognised as a woman who is ugly or looks weird, or "too" masculine. I'm not recognised as a woman at all.

And yeah, sure, I'm fine with that. Not a big deal.

But sometimes I still mourn the loss of my ability to be seen as a woman, and not look like trash while doing it. Sometimes... I can't help but struggling to look at myself. It just gets so raw sometimes, and I feel ugly. Society's beauty standards still has a certain choke hold on me. I can't break free from that over night. Especially since I was a makeup addict for a really long time and only just recently stopped wearing makeup altogether. Especially since I struggled with an eating disorder, which I only just recovered from a few years ago. Especially since I previously used sex with men as a way to seek value and worth, but found the opposite, yet still crave that harmful lifestyle. I'm barely a stone's throw away from being the slave of femininity I once was. Perhaps transitioning was my unconscious way of attempting to break free from it. Yes, I think there could be some truth to that. I revel in my masculinity now, but the wounds femininity caused in me, still hurt. It took me about this long to even understand their existence.

My mind still makes these connections, that by "woman standards" I look... absolutely hideous. Bearded, balding, scars for tits, hair all over my body. Yeah, great. I feel disfigured. Like some kind of abomination. I'm just gonna have to live with that knowledge, and what it does to me.

Because sometimes I get lost in what I think other people must think I look like, as soon as I tell them I'm actually a woman. I've gotten looks of disgust from that, and I guess I just haven't quite figured out how to handle that sorta thing yet.

I know that every time I've tried to "present as female" again, I've regretted it and felt absolutely horrible. On one hand it's tragic, because societal beauty standards still make me break down over my appearance sometimes, in desperate attempts to make myself look beautiful again... and that's when I feel the claws of femininity scratching me up from within, all over again. That endless chase for unobtainable, so called "beauty" and the failure that's bound to follow. And I guess it's a little bit sad, that I think I look a lot hotter as a man, than I ever even could as a girl or woman, and that could be part of why I hold onto my male-like appearance as a comfort in my newfound masculinity.

But is that so bad?

This harsh weather of self-discovery demands a comfort blanket. But on the other hand, most days I actually feel great about the way I look, and I can even manage to still feel good about the way I look when I see myself as a woman. That is great progress!

I'm actually starting to be able to connect my womanhood with my masculinity, and when I do, I feel great. That's my "good days" and I have a lot more of them than those "bad days" when I feel disfigured. Because that feeling is relative, not objective. It's relative, not only to social gender norms for men and women respectively, but also to my own inner norms of my own gender, which are highly influenced by the norms of the society I live and grew up in. And I've noticed I actually have the power to adjust that broken compass within me that struggles to connect my appearance with my mind.

I think my dysphoria broke quite badly, when I started poking around in it. I mean, not only do I get envious of other women (who have not transitioned) but as soon as I present as female, I instead get jealous of men again, and feel even worse about the way I look! It's a catch 22!

I do not know what my tired, dysphoric heart craves, or if any physical change would really help me feel better. I still regret my top surgery, but no kinds of reconstructed boobs would be able to fill that empty void. Because it's not nearly as much physical as it is psychological. It's missing and grieving something very specific, which cannot ever return. And that too... I just have to live with.

However, I'm again trying out wearing fake boobs. Small sock tits in sports bras. As often as my deformed ribs can handle. It quickly gets very painful in the dents I caused by binding pre-op. I ordered some oversized sports bras and gel insertions, that I'm impatiently waiting for to arrive! In the mean time I try to make do with what I have, which is too small and too tight, but for an hour here and there, is alright. I feel good with the illusion of small boobs, something like barely a B-cup at most. It feels more like my body when it's not board flat, and it makes me feel better about being curvy as well. Otherwise I still wear the same men's clothes I'd usually wear. Flannels, jeans, hoodies, suits, etc. That's perfect. It feels a lot like me.

I really should have left my chest be. But I didn't. And that's okay. I'll manage.

I reach out to testosterone again for comfort. Familiar comfort that always made me feel better, and badass. I know it won't take my pain away. But honestly, that's okay. I actually want to keep my pain, anyway. Because it helps me heal and feel stronger again. I don't like being in pain, but I feel like it's rebuilding me, strengthening me from within, and forces me to re-think what's not working. Pain is my guide to comfort. That fire in my ass that keeps me moving.

So yeah, I'll live.

I'll keep breaking down sometimes, and feel like I made myself into the ugliest woman on Earth, but even that, I can draw some kinda power from. Being proudly ugly is definitely something I can do! And then I feel untouchable. When I remind myself that my "ugliness" is not only entirely subjective, but also... entirely deliberate. That I choose to not try to salvage my thinning head hair, because I do not need it. That I choose to let my beard grow out, because it brings me comfort. That I choose to keep my chest flat, despite all my difficult feelings I have about it, because it allows me to go topless and braless. And so on.

My deliberate ugliness, worn with pride and survival... I'd say is quite beautiful. That's what keeps me going. Dated: January 7th, 2021.

#detransition #femininity #gnc female #transition regrets #ugliness and beauty #female masculinity #gender dysphoria #deep thoughts #reflecting on my gender struggles #ok to rb #i try to add the date to all my posts now #because how else will anyone know in the future when it was posted

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obviouslyelementary · 4 years

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Fic prompt: T'Pura (Uhura/T'Pring) on a vulcan holiday? Your writing is awesome btw!!

This will also be available in my Ao3 account! Enjoy!

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Uhura, being close friends with Spock, believed herself to be somewhat aware of Vulcan traditions, holidays and special dates. She knew some of them were very reserved, only for Vulcans or Vulcan relatives, and some of the traditions varied from gender to gender, but Spock was kind enough to let her know the ones she would probably be involved with, now that she was dating T'Pring (something else she never expected to do, and she was glad it happened, because she had never liked anyone quite like the Vulcan).

But then, one afternoon, right after her shift was over, Uhura received a message through subspace from T'Pring, and of course picked up right away, smiling once she saw her girlfriend's face on the screen.

"Uhura" T'Pring said, always so formal, but Uhura gave her a small smile.

"Nyota to you, T'Pring" she said, tilting her head and watching the subtle but very present micro expressions in her face. "You rarely call me in subspace, is everything alright?"

"Perfectly fine, Nyota" she said, this time sounding less formal, slightly more relaxed. "I am aware that you are close to a possible shore leave... am I correct?"

"You surely are correct but I don't remember telling you that" Nyota teased, knowing how bothered T'Pring became when she believed she had intruded too much. As predicted, the Vulcan squinted her eyes ever so slightly, and Uhura giggled to herself. She was adorable.

"I am sorry-"

"I'm teasing you, T'Pring. I think Spock must have told you" she said, and T'Pring nodded in agreement. "Yes I have a shore leave schedule for... three days from now. I already settled an appointment in a ship heading to Vulcan. But I bet you knew all of that already."

"Indeed I was aware" she said. "And the date could not be more satisfactory, Nyota. I will be awaiting eagerly for your arrival."

"Oh, something special?" Uhura asked, smiling to the screen. "It's not your birthday, is it? I don't want to miss it."

"It is not my... birthday" T'Pring said, still not fully used to human terms as Spock was. "Regardless, I shall await your arrival. When you land, I will tell you my plans for your shore leave. Is that satisfactory?"

"Honestly even if you hadn't programmed anything I would already be happy. Can't wait to kiss you again" Uhura said, loving how T'Pring's expression remained the same, but her cheeks flushed light green.

"Me too, Nyota" she said, softly this time, allowing herself a small smile before returning to her resting face. "I will end our communications now. Have a good day."

"You too, T'Pring" Uhura said, smiling and watching as her girlfriend shut off her screen, sighing in delight while she leaned back against the chair.

She couldn't wait to see her again.

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Four days later and Uhura was landing on Vulcan. She said goodbye to the ship's personal, all very kind and well mannered, and looked around once she beamed down on Vulcan, smiling at the surrounding area. They always beamed down to a tourist center whenever they weren't in a mission, and she loved it, because it was beautifully lit up and filled with cultural marks to the Vulcan costumes.

She stepped away from the landing point with her bag on her shoulder, and searched over the crowd to see if she could find T'Pring, although she doubted her girlfriend would come to pick her up on her own. And Uhura was right, as she saw a Vulcan approaching her, one that was not T'Pring, his face familiar to her.

"Lieutenant Uhura, I am here to scort you to T'Pring's household" he said, and she smiled at him with a nod.

"Stel, am I right?" she asked, giving him her bag as he reached for it. "You are one of the many members of T'Pring's house, aren't you?"

"As a matter of fact, I am. I did not believe you would remember me" Stel said, taking Uhura through the crowd towards the outside of the facility. "I was told humans do not have excellent memories."

"Most don't, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve" she said, smiling at him and getting inside the vehicle that he pointed out. She hoped in, holding her purse, and watched as it drove off through the sandy towns surrounding the many deserts. "Vulcan never ceases to amaze me. It's so beautiful."

"I appreciate your good taste" Stel said, looking at her. "T'Pring is happy you could come for such an important event."

"She didn't tell me what it is" Uhura smiled, shrugging as Stel looked at her. "I don't mind. I like surprises."

"I believe you will like what she has planned" he nodded, and the rest of the trip was fairly quiet, with Uhura watching the dunes passing by.

---------------------

When they reached T'Pring's house, Stel remained outside, helping Uhura with her bag to the door, but once she opened the door, the Vulcan left. She made her way inside, closing the door behind herself, and looking around at the seemingly empty house.

"T?" she called, looking around, knowing to only use the nickname when they were alone. Now, she seemed completely alone, so why not? After she received no answer, Nyota placed her bag on the couch and stretched a bit, before heading over to the kitchen, making herself at home.

As she put the water to boil, she heard someone coming downstairs, and looked up to see T'Pring in a beautiful white robe, looking at her and even giving Uhura a small smile.

"Ashayam" T'Pring said, walking to Nyota and offering her two fingers. Uhura smiled, lifting her own and gently touching hers, sliding them down and then leaning close for a peck, a human kiss.

"I missed you" she whispered, and T'Pring smiled a bit more, a single nod of agreement.

"I missed you too, ashayam" she said, pulling her hand away after the sweet encounter and looking over at the fire. "Are you making tea?"

"Yeah, I missed your herbs. If you don't mind" Uhura said, and T'Pring shook her head, pulling a stool and sitting next to Nyota.

"I do not. I believe one day I told you your herbal tea was my second favorite, under only my mother's" she said, and Nyota grinned, sitting down on a stool as well.

"I remember that. The best compliment I ever received" she said, and then watched her girlfriend fondly. "I really did miss you. I wish I could have more shore leaves, come to visit you more often."

"I admire and respect your duties with Star Fleet, just as you respect and admire my duties here on Vulcan. I never wish to make you choose between me and your passion, as well as I know you would never make me choose" she said, and Uhura nodded, reaching out and taking her hand, knowing it was a bit much but since they were alone, T'Pring wouldn't mind.

But her ears and cheeks got green nevertheless.

"I know, but it is hard. I miss your contact, your presence. It's just... the human need of being close to the one we love" she said, and kissed her hand, making the green on her cheeks turn slightly darker. But T'Pring did not complain. "So now, tell me what I'm here for. I know there's some kind of... holiday or some special date, but you didn't tell me what it was."

"It is a date I never believed I would celebrate, and therefore, it is quite appealing" T'Pring said, looking at the warm water in front of them. "It is not a public holiday, and it was created fairly recently, but I enjoy it nevertheless."

"Now you are just making me more curious" Nyota said, smiling at her. "Tell me."

"It is called a tfi'kien ashau t'ved, roughly translating to the day of alien love. For all Vulcans who have non Vulcan partners, such as me" she said, holding Uhura's hand even more gently, slowly tracing her fingers. "It is a celebration still on the making, however it is usually made inside, where the Vulcan partner celebrates their partner and their partner's culture. I was fairly... excited to enjoy it with you."

Nyota felt her smile grow bigger, and her cheeks warm up, before she nodded and leaned forward, pressing her lips to T'Pring's and feeling the Vulcan tense up and then relax, kissing her back, slow and tender as she always was, tasting something sweet and fruity. Something... familiar.

When they broke apart, T'Pring was even greener, but smiling, and Nyota looked at her curiously.

"You were eating an earth tangerine, weren't you?" she asked, and T'Pring licked her lips almost unconsciously, before giving her a nod.

"I was able to buy some from a trader, I know they are your favorite fruits" she responded. "I wanted to try them before you arrived so I would know their taste."

"Did you like them?" Nyota asked, tilting her head, and T'Pring nodded.

"Yes I did. They are very juicy. I can see the appeal" she said, and looked over at the bubbling water. "I also bought some herbals from earth, I believe the ones you enjoy, if you wish to fuse them instead of the vulcan's."

"Honestly, in the spirit of the holiday, I very much would" Uhura said, smiling and watching as T'Pring stood up and walked to the cupboard, retrieving a set of different dried leaves and handing them to Nyota. She found her favorites and blended them by placing all of the them inside the kettle, allowing their taste to fuse in the water. "I think you will like this one, it's very sweet too."

T'Pring watched as the water turned pink due to the hibiscus flowers Uhura put in, and the human smiled at her girlfriend's curiosity, feeling her heart warming up to the whole holiday. It was quite special, specially coming from a species that were so integrated with their cultural values.

She would make it count, and she hoped T'Pring would like her cultural suggestions.

For now, watching her taste tangerines and earth tea was more than enough for Nyota, and she couldn't wait to steal some very human kisses from her darling.

#my fanfic #star trek #star trek original series #star trek alternate original series #t'pura #tpura #t'pring #uhura #nyota uhura #sweet #vulcan holidays

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derangedroyalfae · 3 years

Text

Sunday, April 18, 2021 - 10:00pm

{mostly taken from a conversation with my best friend, Jem - there were some bits that I thought were worded well}

Royal (2:26 PM): Sometimes I think about taking antidepressants again if only to numb the pain. And then I remember how it made me too numb and to everything, so then I think about drinking or doing edibles, but then it still sounds awful and could possibly amplify those feelings (as alcohol usually does make me feel more upset). And that’s sometimes why self-harm becomes a substitute, because it ether distracts from those feelings or even makes you feel like your receiving punishment for whatever you’re upset about. But I know self-harm turns into a loop of guilt and shame and worrying about worrying others.

Jem (2:27 PM): I haven't heard the same about edibles that I hear about alcohol

Or marijuana in general I suppose

Royal (2:28 PM): Weed scares me. Like I’m worried I’ll have a reaction because whenever people smoke or cook it around me, I get super sick feeling. I also know Kitty had a bad reaction to edibles, like gave her ultra anxiety and hallucinations or something like that.

Jem (2:29 PM): Ah, gotcha I myself am allergic so I can't say I've tried it myself either

Royal (2:29 PM): I think I might be allergic and I don’t wanna find out the hard way

When people smoke/cook it around me, I get nauseous and a headache

Jem (2:32 PM): Yeah, I used to have two roommates that both smoked weed in our tiny apartment I used to have near constant headache until I moved out the next year

Royal (2:33 PM): I wish I could just remove those negative feelings I have: anger, sadness, jealousy, dysphoria, etc Put them somewhere far away so I wouldn’t have to deal with them, and wouldn’t have to hurt others because of them

(I tend to use dysphoria for myself as an in general term, not just with gender dysphoria, btw)

Jem (2:34 PM): Aah, yeah, I get you

Royal (2:38 PM): But even though I’m scared I’ll have a bad reaction, I’m mighty tempted to ask Hummingbird if I can try one of her edible gummies rn...

Jem (2:41 PM): I wonder if there's a way to try it in a safe/monitored way

Royal (2:41 PM): Well, if I do just one gummy

With their supervision

So if I have a bad reaction, they can watch over me or drive me to the urgent care

I love how it’s called urgent care but usually has like an hour or longer wait

Jem (2:43 PM): Ah yeah, that'd be the best way to do it Keep the phone handy too

Royal (2:45 PM): Hey, at the very least, doesn’t look like it has any interactions with my cholesterol medication

Jem (2:46 PM): That's good to know

Royal (2:50 PM): I don’t think I’ll actually follow through with it or anything, just my mind thinking of solutions

I’m feeling calmer now anyway

For now

{And then proceeded to draw this (it’s an idea I’ve had this idea for a long time now, especially since the first time I experienced extreme jealousy with Capy, but never had the courage to follow through since I’ve never done inking and rarely traditional colour, but I finally worked up the motivation to try, and honestly, it’s perfect timing as it was therapeutic to draw)}:

Royal (8:09 PM): Random question, I’m curious your thoughts on this: do you think it’s insensitive to joke about getting with other people when you’re in a relationship, especially/at least in front of your partner (at least if the two of you haven’t established a non-monogamous relationship), and even more so if you know your partner is dealing with jealousy issues?

Jem (8:12 PM): I’d think so, yeah

It's definitely odd

Unless it's like, I donno, a celebrity or something

But even then, it'd make me wonder why someone would say that if they knew already their partner was having issues

Royal (8:12 PM): Like someone they know/knew or met in the past, but 100% out of the picture now

So it’s def not a celeb

Jem (8:14 PM): Yeah then even without the jealousy issues, unless that's some sort of pre-established shared humor, it's kinda weird

Royal (8:15 PM): K, I was curious what you’d think

I agree with that too, it just feels really insensitive, at least if you’re monogamous

{Whilst I never told Jem what it was about, it has to do with something similar that had happened earlier today - though I am not technically in a monogamous relationship, so the above can’t fully apply to me. But to explain this better, I’ll have to jump back to something that happened in December 2020.

Capybara had told me about how there was this really attractive lecturer he met in the past whom if I remember correctly, spoke Greek, so his friend got him a Greek dictionary to help him try to impress her, but he never really ran into her again. I had made a comment that you know, guess it worked out for the better because then we would have never become a thing should he have actually succeeded in getting with her. And he made a joke that wasn’t the case or a joke that brushed off what I said as almost nothing. I knew he was joking, but it was kinda a really emotional time for everyone and I’m still even to this day working through my newfound romantic/sexual jealousy issues, so I took it kinda harsh at first and then eventually told him that same night how that kinda made me feel shitty.

Well, today, we were gaming with one of his friends (super great, hardworking, and nice lad) that we often play Sea of Thieves with and it turns out that was the same friend who got him the Greek dictionary, so it somehow got brought up in conversation��and just…they were joking that Capybara was Odysseus and this other woman was Odysseus’s wife and they’d find each other again one day. I can’t remember which character they assigned the friend but they were saying I could be one of the gods, and I’ll be honest, didn’t handle that situation the best, so I made a off hand comment of something like, “Guess I can be Athena or Aphrodite since they’re the jealous types, guess that works pretty well.” Don’t know if they picked up the hint. I don’t know if they were at all thinking about how this was something awkward for me, cuz I’m pretty sure the friend is aware that I’m dating Capy and is supposed to assume we’re monogamous as Capybara doesn’t really feel comfortable letting his friends or family know I have other partners. It just also happened to be a sore topic for me, cuz when Capy made that joke, even though I knew it was nothing more than a joke, it made me feel like nothing and replaceable, which I already see myself as.

Just to kinda let Capybara know that I’d prefer the topic to be dropped, I messaged him privately: “So I just remembered, it was you talking about that Greek dictionary thing to impress that girl and making a joke that like, meeting me wasn’t for the better cuz she’s still out there that kinda made me feel like shit even though it was a joke”

To which he responded with: “she's a lecturer my dude 😂 she's like in her 40's - don't worry”

And I replied with: “No I know, but it was more of the joke that followed that rubbed me wrong. At the time”

And he just sent these two emoji’s in response: 😧 😕

Immediately after our messages, as we had still been playing, he went dead silent and so I noticed this (not sure if the friend did at first) and I at first just tried to silently apologize in DM, cuz I hadn’t meant to upset him, but he still remained silent. So shortly after, I asked if we should call it quits even though it was early. I felt so guilty and I immediately sent him more apology messages and even an apology voice memo, but I assumed he turned his phone off by that point.

Once again, my jealousy got the best of me and I hurt the person I love most in the world and made a fun time involving friends go awkward. I was having a good early afternoon/late morning with him at first, and then I ruined it because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and my jealousy under control. I’m such an asshole.}

Royal (8:22 PM): Off topic, but still on the issue of jealousy, I feel like when I have jealousy issues myself at the point I’m at, it’s like a double headed snake due to me being in a polyamorous relationship - one head are just the pre-established toxic/venomous things that come with jealousy and the other head is the guilt and shame of feeling I have no right to be jealous when I have two other partners myself thus making me feel hypocritical (and being ignorant of any potential jealousy from other partners)

It feels like those two snake heads could eat me alive with just a few bites each if I let them in

It’s such a viscous cycle and honestly, the basic head of jealousy is enough of a problem that turns my stomach, but the second head just makes me want to surrender to the earth

Jem (8:28 PM): I get you It's a lot

Emotions are hard

Royal (8:28 PM): Especially when they revolve around something or someone you already have such an emotional attachment with

And then those feelings, like feelings of jealousy, only end up making you hurt the ones you love

Making them feel guilty or annoyed or like you don’t trust them or something

Jem (8:31 PM): Tbh, as someone who generally struggles with a lot of jealousy type issues, I get that (not necessarily romantic jealousy even, but just there's undercurrents of it that are always there and present in every relationship)

I don't think it's something that can ever be fully dealt with and just I guess has to be accepted and worked around At least for me

Royal (8:33 PM): And it makes you wonder if you truly care for those if you’re so easily jealous of them, since they tell you that shouldn’t feel that way if you really love someone, that you should be able to love them blindly and trust them, and it’s not like I don’t trust, but I feel so easily discardable by those who I could never even fathom of turning my back on

Royal (8:34 PM): Honestly, I’ve even felt some jealousy toward you in the past - not romantically - but it was something I worked on

Jem (8:34 PM): What if I were to say same though haha

Royal (8:34 PM): You seemed to be doing so well with you VN and you picked up art so fast

Jem (8:35): Aah for me it's always revolving around

My need for attention tbh

Royal (8:35 PM): But I told myself, “you just need to keep trying. Feeling negatively toward someone success is selfish and gets you nowhere. Improve yourself and you can also feel that success. He’s not succeeding to hurt you in anyway - you should be happy for him.”

Or like, probably not those exact words, but ya know, that idea

Royal (8:36 PM): Yeah, I understand that too, especially growing up in a family of 6

That kinda happened the other day with Kitty (whom at this point my feelings are pretty platonic) - for over a week now I’ve been telling the girls about a game (For the King) I’ve been interested in playing with them, and the other day, Hummingbird went on a social distancing date with Crystal, so I asked Kitty if she’d like to play with me since it’d be just the two of us and she agreed. However, she had a headache, so we thought it’d be best if she napped first and if she felt better later on then we could play. When she woke up, Lapis hit her up for some gaming and Kitty decided to game with her instead and forgot she agreed to game with me...

Jem (8:41 PM): Ah, that kinda thing really sticks with me

Royal (8:41 PM): And so I’m just getting to a point where I feel like I should just stop asking them if they wanna game with me, because it’s not the first time something like this has happened (at least they don’t follow through, not a matter of them deciding to do something with someone else)

Like, I made the Murder Beans server so Capybara and Kitty (and Hummingbird if she ever decided to get Among Us) could game with my friends in the CSR Creations server, and that was back in fall...the girls never joined a game even when showing express interest and saying they would

Kitty also once went and bought Lapis like the whole Halo Master Chief Collection for Lapis cuz she was broke and wanted it, and the proceeded to play it with her and Hummingbird...and like...I also would have liked to have played Halo with them if given the opportunity, but I was never asked

Sheezus, don’t even get me started in my family and how invisible they made me feel

But yeah, I’m at a point with the girls that I don’t think it’s even worth bothering to ask anymore, at least about gaming

Hummingbird’s confusion and migraines are also coming back, so she has a legit medical excuse and I can’t really bother her about it

Jem (8:48 PM): I get you, yeah

All of those things would really bother me too They have in the past

I remember when I first joined UCSD, I started hanging out often with the girls that lived around me in the dorms And we all started watching Orphan Black together

And then I literally had no idea when they finished the show because after the first couple sessions they forgot to invite me

Royal (8:51 PM): Oof, yeah, that’d bother me too, or at least tell me how they felt about me in my mind

I don’t think with my jealousy, it’s a matter of not trusting my partner or friends or whomever, it’s just a matter of feeling such low self-worth that I feel easy to discard, and when I get brushed to the side or have someone joking along the lines as how dating me wasn’t for the better when someone else is out there, it furthers those feelings I have about myself, those feelings of self-worth and how I’m replaceable or not worth shit

Jem (8:54 PM): I get you I know mine stems from feeling forgettable

Royal (8:54 PM): I know I’m an annoying person, I know I can be a lot and emotionally draining, I know I can be hypersensitive - so I know it feels like it’d be better to be rid of that sort of force if you can find someone better who doesn’t make you feel the way I’d do

(In response to feeling forgettable) Yeah

If you remove the fun hair, piercings, and tattoo, I’m actually quite a boring person

And I’m quite isolated. If you don’t include my partners, there’s only really two people who come to mind that I’d consider close friends that I can talk to: you and someone else (you’ve never met her)

I’m getting to a point where I have a hard time talking to the girls due to the guilt I feel about me more or less wanting to be platonic with them, and then Hummingbird is constantly having a medical crisis and I’d feel bad burdening her further

So really, I’m isolated down to two people, primarily you, + Capybara, and yeah, that’s my own fault

I feel easily exhausted by my other options at this point, where I feel like I can only take Candy in small doses (which feels really hypocritical of me) and my other VA friends or gaming friends, I don’t know if I’m close enough to have those kinds of conversations with, especially the VA friends since I tend to be their boss

For the most part, the other people I’d sometimes talk about these issues with are on servers that are primarily dead, so it feels awkward to hop back in only to bitch about my life

Besides, I hate seeming like I’m only spewing forth toxicity and negative emotions over and over again

Which I worry I do too much with you as is

#mood journal #mood #depression #jealousy #envy #guilt #shame #polyamory #nonmonogamy #non monogamy #monogamy #love

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bethd0456 · 3 years

Note

hellooo lovely! i loved reading your response to my last ask - apparently tumblr is messing up my asks bc a lot of them haven’t been going through :( but let’s hope this one does! i’ve been seeing that you watch cherry magic, and it’s one of my favourite shows at the moment!! 💘 who’s your favourite character? mine is kurosawa personally, i relate so much to him and his gayness. also udon chan, the cutest little cat! what did you think of the last ep, wasn’t it so cute!!! (1/2)

i hope you’re doing well!!! i also wanted to ask what your favourite shows and ships are! i already have a vague idea formulating just by browsing through your blog and over our shared love of cherry magic, but i’d looove to hear your thoughts and your favourites!! wishing you the bestest day! 💘 - your secret santa (2/2)

Hiiiii!!!! I hope life is treating you well!

Omg I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you're ready for this MASSIVE answer and you don't get too bored reading this one!

CHERRY MAGIC!!!!!! It instantly became a comfort show for me, as it did for many others!

ADACHIADACHIADACHIADACHI. Adachi is 100% my fave. I never fully understood what a comfort character was. I was like, "yeah! I love Tine also!" But. Adachi is the definition of comfort for me. I see so much of myself in him! Everyone sees him and is like "babie. Must protecc." And honestly? Me too. How can one character be so damn CUTE??!?!? One of my favourite moments is him seeing Kurosawa after the almost-kiss. He just like, sees him, and gets so panicked 🥺 the way his arms just flail about makes me smile like an idiot.

But like, on a deeper level, this drama makes me believe I'm worthy of love. The idea that someone like Kurosawa could be THAT infatuated with you, even though you're an awkward virgin lmao. The point of watching these dramas is to get lost in a story, right? See a situation you want so badly but you know will never realistically happen? The entire premise of the show is just really enticing to me. I am Adachi, Adachi is me. Also, the thing he said in ep6 about not having a clear dream in life? Yeah. I felt that. I'm so envious of people who have passions they work so hard for, it gives them a form of purpose. Like Adachi, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a "daze". I feel like I don't really have any specific passions or skills that I want to develop into a career. Sometimes I just wish I had ambition. Adachi makes me feel so seen and like I'm not the only person who feels like this. The kinds of characters that usually make good protagonists are characters with a clear goal/passion. In most shows this obviously really works, but I can never relate to them personally. It's really special for me to see a character who's similar to me in this way.

Kurosawa is such an amazing character too!!!!! His gay little heart 🥺 on another level, he's just so?? Respectful??? 7. YEARS. 7 years of pining and he holds himself back so well!! He's been waiting for this relationship for so long but is so patient, willing to take things slowly for Adachi. He flirts shamelessly (as he should) but never to the point where Adachi was too uncomfortable.

He cares so much about Adachi :(. But also, even before he liked Adachi, he could tell he was uncomfortable with the drinking thing, so he DOWNED the wine lmao. Clearly he's just a lovely person all round who's really socially aware.

As for other characters:

• Udon my baby!!!! The cutest cat ever!! I love animals sm :(((

• Tsuge's chaotic energy is iconic

• Minato a lovely little dance machine :))

• Rokaku deserves the world, my excitable kiss interruptor :(((

• Fujisaki my love! She's so soft and cute!! Also ace coded how iconic

I ADORED ep8!!! I LIVE for established Adasawa! Adachi coming out to Tsuge :((( I'm so proud of Adachi coming to terms with his feelings and being confident enough to share his relationship with his closest friend. Coming out is not easy and he did so well 🥺

Adachi and Tsuge are so useless bless them 😂 Kurosawa really said "well I guess I have to take these two socially awkward disasters under my wing." Adachi and Tsuge are such a chaotic duo, I love that they can communicate just by touching each other, and omg when Kurosawa said his name Tsuge was "wait maybe I know everything about you already" and if that isn't friendship idk what is

Also Kurosawa making up a poem in his head about Adachi???? Peak romance. Also iconic. I'M A SUCKER FOR HAND HOLDING SCENES SO I DIED. "I like him. I like him. I like him!!" HOW CUTE CAN YOU GET FJKHDSHSKSK

I also got another arm flailing moment when Kurosawa almost got the wrong idea about Adachi and Tsuge!! CAN ADACHI STOP BEING SO CUTE MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. How on earth his boyfriend is still alive I have no idea.

There are so many other shows and ships I love. I feel like I'll probably miss some, but here we go. These aren't rankings at all, just like, lists lol.

Show list:

1. 2gether

This show means so much to me. It was the first time I watched a bl week by week and it made it so much more special?? I valued scenes so much more than when I binge shows and they would like, look at each other and I'd have a heart attack. They made the first part of my quarantine bearable bc I always had something to look forward to every Friday. I actually really enjoyed quarantine overall as an introvert (not to be insensitive about the literal deaths the pandemic has caused), but I really enjoyed constantly thinking about how long it was until Friday. I'm massively emotionally attached to all of the characters in this show you have no idea. Every single one. The found family of it all,, the way all of the characters have relationships. Still2gether did a phenomenal job of showcasing all of the unexpected but very welcome dynamics and relationships, platonic and romantic alike. I could blabber about this show for so long I'll spare u for now

2. YYY

Is it well written? No. Did I enjoy it anyway?? You know it! I told you how much I love the found family trope. UGH. THIS FAMILY. Also, seeing the feminine side of the LGBT+ community represented positively warmed my heart. There needs to be more bls that do that! Celebrate femininity!! There's nothing wrong with being camp as fuck! It's so much fun!!! This show made me so happy :))

3. Start up

I'm currently obsessed. It's my first Kdrama and holy shit this is what the hype is about. The budget!! The acting! Top notch. On a sad note I really wish bls got that much funding behind them. My heart aches for a complicated story with fully developed characters and plotlines, that just happens to have a gay main couple/character. Wishful thinking for now at least. Anyways, I'm massively emotionally attached to Halmeoni and Jipyeong. Team Jipyeong all the way (even tho Dalmi's obviously gonna end up with Dosan, and I'm happy for them!). All I need is a happy ending for my darling Jipyeong. Please give him one. Also, if anything happens to Halmeoni I will WEEP.

4. Cherry magic is obviously here but I've ranted about that enough already 😂

5. 3 will be free

I would never have expected gmm to make a series like this! But they went and did THAT. Wild. It was such a healthy representation of a poly relationship. The themes of feminism were so well handled and powerful, the chemistry was off the CHARTS, I was hooked from start to finish! Time for a rewatch? I think so.

6. Feel good

Not an Asian drama, but still gay as FUCK. It's written by my wife Mae Martin who also stars in it, and I have to say, it blew me away. Story time!! My friend irl recommended it to me without saying it was Mae, so I was like "okay sure I'll put it on my to watch list I guess" without much motivation to watch it. But as soon as I found out it was Mae I watched it and I've never looked back lol. Once I finished I sent my friend a splurge of messages about my feelings. The series touches on issues like addiction, sexuality and gender. "I'm not a boy. I'm not even a girl. I'm like a failed version of both." That shit HURT.

There's a scene near the end which has really stayed with me. So Mae's character is a comedian and she does a set making jokes about the stuff that happened in the series and oh my GOD. The way I CRIED. It made me realise that people who make jokes about their experiences are using humour as a coping mechanism and when people say "Haha I have daddy issues isn't it funny" we have to remember to be respectful. It's never okay to make jokes about someone else's trauma. Don't make a big deal of it but just don't be a dick.

Anyways I could go on but would 100% recommend this series!

7. HIStory 2 crossing the line

My first bl! This series is the reason I'm so obsessed with bl lmao. The main couple are so soft :( this little series will always hold a special place in my heart!

8. Sotus

My first gmm series, we've come a long way. I miss Kong and Arthit :(

9. Dark blue kiss

Such a brilliant series. I trust P'Aof (director) with my life. This series touches on issues that are so important and deserve to be talked about so much more in bls. This is what happens when you let LGBT people tell LGBT stories! They do it with such care and love!! One of my favourite lines is "I may like men, but I'll never like your brother." One of my biggest let peeves is "I don't like men, I only like x." Like, I get the business behind it, they don't want to make the character gay to make them available for girls to fantasise about. Which is disgusting. But Mork really said "no. ❤" and I LOVE IT.

10. The shipper

I could go on and on about how underrated I think this series is. This series took over from 2gether on Fridays, and while I didn't think about this series constantly like I did with 2gether, this series made my quarantine brighter. Fridays meant I was gonna laugh at least once and forget about life just for a short while. The humour in this series is so fucking dumb lmao, but I'm here for it.

I've seen people talk about the shipper as a bl but I disagree. I think it's better described as a series with bl aspects. The main themes are friendship, family, dealing with loss, respecting boundaries of people you admire, and one of the main messages is about making sure the people close to you know how much they mean to you. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the series is over the top humour, but by the end of it I was personally really attached to the characters and their feelings. Overall I really enjoyed this series but I don't see anyone properly talk about it :(

11. Gaya sa pelikula

A series made by gay people for gay people. Shows like this are so important. This show really healed my soul with how brilliant the representation was :(( "remember we talked about microagressions" the way that means Vlad is constantly educating Karl about LGBT stuff, UGH. SO GOOD. Also this show has the most realistic representation of a crush I've ever seen lmao, soft Vlad is the best Vlad.

12. My engineer

My happy little Saturday show :( I miss the shit writing, shit acting and soft story of this series so much. I'm so fond of this series, I watched it after the horrible ep12 of 2gether and it really made me happy. I'm looking forward to season 2, but Ramking's novel goes DOWNHILL from here on. I know tricreation wouldn't allow the final chapter's scenes, but the entire story is so problematic and unenjoyable :(. The only valid scene is King's coming out scene but that's literally it. And the collar scene can stay lmao.

13. Oxygen

Another soft saturday series! I love this series so much, all of the couples are so bloody healthy and it makes me so happy. The communication is amazing!! THIS is how you show healthy relationships!!!

14. The gifted

S1 was so amazing!! I loved all of it! The only part of s2 we'll talk about is timegracethird. Time best boy!! Grace a feminist queen! When future Grace said they would be friends for a long time that made me so happy :(( also pangwave canon

15. Until we meet again

So I talked about the healthy relationships in oxygen. But uwma really showed the healthiest relationship ever. DeanPharm are just the softest little humans :( I would die for Pharm. He's the closest I got to a comfort character before Adachi. I just have to PROTECT HIM. My motherly instincts really kick in when I see him lmao.

The storyline of this series is just breathtaking. And the ending? I don't think I've ever cried that much. At all. It was so fucking beautiful 🥺

16. My gear and your gown

I really liked this show! Honestly I don't think I'll ever rewatch it but I definitely enjoyed it. The way Pai just seemed to breathe freely for the first time when his parents accepted his sexuality :(((( my baby :( also purefolk were brilliant

Ship list:

1. Saratine

These two are the definition of romance. They mean the fucking world to me. The fact that their story is apparently gonna be continued in some form makes me so. So. Happy. I cannot begin to describe it. My bet is on a special episode and ugh I'm so EXCITED.

2. Aini

Thonhonchonlatee in general is enjoyable but I don't like Thon at all. It's such a shame bc I was so excited for Khaotung and Podd to be in a series together :((. BUT. Aini have grabbed my heart. I knew they would bc miketap are brilliant, but wow. They're so gay my little babies :( miketap are just so natural and comfortable to watch. I love their chemistry so muuuuuuch

3. Sunmork

Coffee boyfriends :( I miss them so bloody much

4. Ramking

One of my fave ships. As I mentioned, I'm apprehensive about s2, but s1 ramking is such a beautiful story. It's just about 2 boys falling in love, no complications. Plant boy who's afraid of dogs falls in love with quiet boy who loves dogs but is afraid of children. Iconic. Also chemistry outsold, I THINK ABOUT THE KISS CONSTANTLY. When I mentioned the acting is shit in this series (shit is harsh, I mean awkward), I did not mean Perth and Lay in the slightest. They really nailed their roles and I loved it.

5. Professor Layton x Claire

You 100% won't get this reference but I grew up with the Professor Layton games and holy shit do they hold up. They're so amazingly written with beautiful stories and the most lovable characters in the world. Layton's intellect, loving nature and surprising athleticism are admirable. Adachi is the character I relate to most, but if I was gonna choose a character to comfort me irl, Layton's your man. His voice is so comforting by nature. I'm blabbering at this point but the point is him and Claire are the only het pairing that matters.

These are just the ships that I felt should be separate from their shows. I love all of the ships from the shows I mentioned.

Oof this got horrifically long, I haven't had a proper chance to rant about most of these shows so I really let it out lol. I hope you've watched at least some of these shows and I didn't just rant to u about 12 shows you've never heard of 😂

I hope you have a wonderful day love!!!!

#secretsanta'20

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eienloveslesmis · 4 years

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Éponine as the friendly local drug dealer.

Marius had been stressed out recently, so he tried weed once, just to see if it helped. Grantaire gave him Éponine’s number, he called her, and they met behind a minimart. She wasn’t how he expected a drug dealer to be. No tattoos, her hair was long and wavy, and she wasn’t at all terrifying. She also didn’t seem too concerned with getting caught. She had pulled the clear plastic baggie full of marijuana out of her pocket and passed it to him, sticking her hand out for him to put the money into.

“BLOODY HELL, PUT THAT AWAY!” He had yelled.

“What on Earth is your problem?” She smirked, and he shoved her hand back into her pocket.

“Uh, jail. Yeah, I guess I would say my current problem is jail.” He grimaced, looking all around as she presented him once again with the weed.

“Oh, please. Half the people I deal to are cops, will you chill out?” She laughed at the nervous expression on his face. “Honestly, you need this more than most.”

He paid her, she left, he went home. As he liked the pinkish shade of his lungs, he baked the weed into brownies.

A few weeks passed, and eventually he decided there had been no harm done the last time, so he called Éponine again.

“What’s up, loser?”

“I feel like that greeting should be reserved for friends much closer to you than I am,” he retorted, suppressing a laugh as she groaned for nearly a minute straight without taking a breath.

“This is why I call you loser,” she laughed when she had finished. “Alright, meet me in the same place as before.” “I didn’t even tell you why I’d called,” Marius raised his eyebrows, audibly. (It’s all in the tone.)

“Right, because cute boys I barely know often call me up for a chat,” she laughed.

She thinks I’m cute, thought Marius. He quickly shoved that thought out of his mind, as the only time he’d interacted with this girl was for illegal purposes.

“I’ll be there in 20,” he replied.

This went on for a few months, until Marius discovered himself calling her even when he didn’t really want the weed. From that thought, he drew the conclusion that he was spending about $20 a week to see a girl he hardly knew for five minutes. Even knowing that, it took him nearly another year to notice that he had fallen in love with her.

“Hey, ‘Ponine?” He asked upon calling her directly after discovering this surprising turn of events.

“The hell do you want, Pontmercy? It’s five in the morning.”

“You’re literally a drug dealer, this cannot be the first time you’ve gotten a late night call.”

“You want weed,” she sighed.

“No. Well, not- no, I want you,” He stammered. He hated how nervous she made him.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound to creepy, I just- you’re beautiful. And I knew that when I first saw you, I mean I was aware of it, not that that’s the only thing about you, because it isn’t. It’s more- I don’t- your eyes are magic,” He blurted. Why the hell did I say that, he asked himself as he slammed his palm to his forehead.

“I mean, I’m usually high, which might be a part of it,” she giggled. Not the sort of giggling that girls do when they’re discussing shoes or boys or whatever it is girls seem to talk about, but a breathy, genuine, perfect little laugh.

“It isn’t, that’s not- God, I’m bad at this. I barely know you. We’ve met probably once a week for five minutes for the past two years. That’s around 520 minutes, or like almost 8 hours,” he was rambling now. He could sense it.

“Nerd.”

“My point is, I’ve actually been with you for the equivalent of one night, which is not the premise for a proper love story, but I know you. I know you so well. I know the way your forehead shifts back a little bit when you’re happy. I know the way your eyes focus on anything but me when you’re opening up a little. I know the way you laugh like you don’t believe me when I say you look nice. I know that you never go anywhere without a bag of sour-patch kids, I know that your favourite book is Romeo and Juliet even though you tell everyone it’s the Hunger Games, and I know that you know me just as well. I know that you love the clouds, and you know the names of every formation, I know that you mostly shop at the men’s section of shops, not because you want to dress like a boy, but because you like people to know that clothing should all be considered gender neutral, I know that you hate roses but love dandelions, and I know that I am more in love with you than I can even fathom. I got that from two years worth of five minute interactions. Imagine what I could get from a lifetime.”

#meponine #marius #drugs #bring #people #together #Eponine #weed #grantaire #Les Miserables #les mis #les miz #les amis #les mierables

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jemelle · 4 years

Text

these are ties that bind (1/8)

you can also find this story on ao3!

fandom: criminal minds

rating: g

(chapter) word count: 1,976

summary: emily and hotch must pretend to be in a long-term relationship in order to foster carrie. shenanigans and serious conversations alike ensue.

masterlist

one.

Emily Prentiss stood in front of the hotel door, hand raised, wondering if she was making the biggest mistake of her life. All her self-preservation instincts, built up from a lifetime of looking over her shoulder, told her it would be better for all parties if she just walked away. But a small voice in the back of her head disagreed. There is someone who needs you, it said. Someone who you are not too late to save. That voice had gotten her into this situation, and it was determined to see it through.

She knocked once, the sound echoing in the otherwise silent hallway. When Hotch opened the door, he looked as if he rather expected to see someone else. It was late, but Reid and Morgan were still off flirting with women at a club somewhere. Or, probably more likely, Morgan was flirting while Reid sat alone at the bar. Emily found she could never begrudge either of them the comfort of a post-case routine, no matter how strange.

Hotch was wearing his pajamas, which consisted of plain grey sweatpants and a well-worn GW Law shirt. His outfit had the unsettling effect of reminding Emily that she and him were, in fact, almost the same age. He often seemed much more world-weary than his thirty-some years suggested, although she supposed it was her who had actually seen more of the world. He was holding a book in one hand and seemed poised to lecture Reid for forgetting his keycard again. Upon seeing Emily, the expression on his face slid from irritation into confusion.

“Prentiss?” he asked. The “what do you want?” went unsaid.

“Sir, if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you about something.” Hotch opened the door wider and motioned her inside. He sat down on one of the beds while Emily leaned uncomfortably on the desk and surveyed the room. What she assumed was Hotch’s side of the room was nothing short of meticulous, although Spencer, to his credit, had managed to keep his chaos contained to a two by four area at the foot of his bed.

Acutely aware of the importance of her next few sentences, she began. “Carrie Ortiz, the girl from the case, has an aunt and uncle in Phoenix, but they’re not able to care for her. She doesn’t have anyone else and especially after seeing what the foster system can do to kids, I don’t know if…” No, this wasn’t the way to do it. She was dancing around her point and both she and Hotch knew it. Time to regroup.

“Carrie came to me and asked if I would be willing to take her in for the time being.” Emily’s knee-jerk reaction had been no, but remembering what JJ told her earlier had given her pause. She had never been one of those children who dream of becoming a parent, not until it was no longer a dream. In the ensuing fallout, she became even more convinced that parenting was not for her. But Carrie wasn’t a helpless child. She was a young woman who had experienced a traumatic event and was voluntarily asking Emily to become her guardian. And so Emily found herself unable to say no.

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her that I would have to think about it but that I didn’t have the power to make that decision myself.” It was the truth. Emily knew that Hotch didn’t tolerate lying, especially not to victims. To give false hope to someone whose family had just been ripped away would be unspeakably cruel.

“Prentiss, with all due respect, I’m not sure why we’re having this conversation. I know you don’t need to be reminded of the dangers of our job, but I firmly believe that you will make the right decision.” Truthfully, it had taken Emily several hours to fully process Carrie’s request and several more before she could think rationally enough to decide. But she had made up her mind. If only that made it a reality.

Emily took a deep breath. For all the courage it had taken to get this far, the hardest part had yet to come. “I talked to Carrie’s social worker and she said that in the absence of family, they usually try to place in-area, but that given Carrie’s explicit request, she might be able to make an exception. However…” She trailed off. Maybe this was a mistake. It wasn’t too late to back out.

“However?” Hotch prompted. His tone was steady, and Emily forced herself to make eye contact. His face had smoothed itself into a neutral expression, which Emily took as a positive sign as she gathered her resolve.

“They don’t place children with single parents. No exceptions.” And definitely not gay couples, she mentally amended.

“I see,” he said. His face wrinkled in a way that told Emily he hadn’t quite figured out where she was going. “That’s a pity. Although, that still doesn’t solve the mystery of why you’re in my hotel room. I may be your boss, but even I don’t have sway over the foster care system of Denver.”

“Well… I sort of told Carrie’s caseworker that I would have to consult my husband.” She had run out of the room immediately after, wondering what on earth had just possessed her. She was a lesbian, for God's sake! There was no husband in her future. What scared her even more was realizing that she didn’t regret it. She wanted this for Carrie (and for herself, if she was being honest) and she was willing to do whatever it took, even if it meant hatching a hare-brained scheme like the one she currently found herself ensnared in.

Hotch raised his eyebrows at her. She suspected the pieces were starting to come together for him. “And you’re here to ask me to marry you?”

He was chuckling now, almost in disbelief. Although she half-expected to become defensive, Emily instead found herself wanting to crack a grin at the pure absurdity of the situation.

“Well, given my lack of a personal life, it was one of our coworkers or a random man on the street.” The last time she had been on a date was months ago. Liv had been nice, but Emily could tell she wanted more than a casual relationship. So that particular alley was a bust, notwithstanding the fact that her gender preference would disqualify any actual partner.

“Why me?” Hotch asked, bringing her out of her thoughts. His tone turned serious again. “I don’t exactly have the best track record with parenthood.”

His gaze was fixed at a blank spot on the wall above her head, and Emily imagined he was mentally scrolling through his worst hits as a constantly-working husband and father.

“Hotch, you’re the only man on this team with any parenting expertise.” Upon giving the decision some thought, Emily had realized that not only was Hotch the best choice, he was the only choice. She voiced her thought process to reassure him. “Morgan is the perpetual bachelor, Reid would eat cereal for every meal if we let him, and Rossi is old enough to be my father.”

“While I’m certainly flattered to have been picked by process of elimination, that doesn’t make this a good idea.” He was right. In fact, it was a bad idea for more reasons than Emily could count, chiefly that she and Hotch had only recently reached any sort of lasting truce; any person who wasn’t convinced of the validity of their relationship could turn them in and ruin the whole scheme.

“Sir, I recognize the ridiculousness of the situation, and if you say no I will never mention this conversation again, but I really believe that we have the chance to make someone’s life better. Our job is about always making wrong things right, giving people peace, but never more than that. Never making a good thing on its own.” Hotch looked as surprised as Emily felt at her impassioned speech. At some point, she had begun gesticulating, movements becoming more frantic as the volume of her voice rose.

“We’ve seen how the foster system changes kids,” she continued, suddenly feeling bold. “I don’t need Reid to quote statistics to know it’s usually not for the better. Carrie has so much potential and I don’t want to think her hopes were dashed because of a choice I made.” I see myself in her, Emily didn’t say. Young and hopeful and ready to take on the world.

They sat in silence as Hotch mulled her words over. Emily felt confident that no matter his decision, she had given it her all. It felt unnerving to have to place a decision this important in the hands of a man she had betrayed, but Emily knew he would put aside any feelings, positive or negative, that he might have for her. It was one of the things she admired most about Hotch; if he respected you, he valued your contributions, whether you were certified genius Spencer Reid or a local law enforcement officer assisting the team. With that conviction in mind, Emily did her best to steel herself for his decision as Hotch began to speak.

“Let’s pretend I said yes. What are we going to tell the team, not to mention Jack and my… Haley?” Emily pretended to ignore the way he choked on Haley’s name. It was the least she owed him. Still, she felt hope bubbling in her chest at the realization that he was actually considering it.

“I think we should tell the team as little as possible. I don’t doubt that they’ll figure out something is different, but we both know Reid and Garcia can’t lie to save their lives. It’ll be better to keep them in the dark for as long as possible.” Hotch nodded and Emily felt some of the tension leave her body. “As for Jack and Haley, you know them best, so I’ll defer to you.”

“We’ll have to convince them we’re really in a relationship,” he responded without pause. “Haley and I currently have equal custody, and I won’t do anything to jeopardize that.”

“Deal.” She briefly fought the ridiculous urge to offer him a handshake. “Although I am warning you that I’m not sure how long this arrangement will have to last.”

“Well, as you pointed out, I’m not exactly a youthful bachelor.” True to his words, Emily’s brain faltered when asked to conjure up an image of Hotch as a twenty-something playboy. He was, she thought, possibly the most monogamous man she had ever met. If he was as serious in his acquiescence to her plan as he was in every other endeavor, they would be an excellent team.

“You’re really sure?” She had hoped for this, of course, but now it hardly seemed real.

Hotch’s voice was warm. “Emily, speaking as a parent, every child deserves someone who is as passionate about them as you clearly are about Carrie. If I have the chance to make someone's life better and it doesn’t harm me or my family or the team in any way, then I don’t see how I could say no.”

“Thank you, sir. You don’t know how much this means to me.” Emily rarely cried, preferring to keep her rare bouts of melancholia and euphoria within the confines of her apartment, but she could feel herself tearing up, though she tried her best to conceal it. “We should be able to sign the necessary paperwork in the morning.”

“Of course,” he said. Emily stood and turned to leave the room, pausing in the door frame as she heard his voice again, colored by the return of his smile. “And Prentiss, if we’re going to pull this off, you probably shouldn’t call me sir.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #queerminal minds #*mine #*fic #these are ties that bind

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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currently t posing as hard as ever thanks to also being stuck in [i can't believe i have to create what i want to create] mode... comradeship... ✨🔮🍺⚡

ugh smh at all of us attempting to create anything......comrades in this mess for sure B/ when will we learn

✨ Favourite aesthetic?

i can enjoy some like Muted Atmospheric type palettes......like, dim lighting / atmospheric distancing, maybe some monochrome-leaning stuff, Desaturated Colors which is wild as i never use this aesthetic myself lmao and am being unusually “restrained” if i choose Non-100% Saturated Colors.......i like some nighttime / dusk type Visuals although then within that i like both like, more ~realistically~ muted/dark stuff And Also like stylistically brightened / more saturated blues than you’d Really see at night, plus maybe some Warm Lighting from some source, don’t have to lean full thomas kinkade with it or whatever but it’s good. and Sunset type lighting where there’s both like, some colorful Lighting but also more desaturated shadows.......i don’t go so much for earth / jewel tones really like, either Lighter & Brighter or Darker & More Muted is my like Palette sensibilities apparently

🔮 Any advice you would have given 10 y/o you?

i have to like count out like what year of school are people in at whatever age....that’d be circa 4th/5th grade i guess?? not much going on. 4th grade was that one [several scenes from julius caesar] where it was like oh this is pretty clear You’re A Theatre Gay (which i only put together v recently for how obvious it was lol) and also of Course You’re Trans lmao like, may as well explain not only what Being Trans is (i don’t like, particularly remember when i became aware of That Being A Thing was?? like i know i knew by 14 but...) and go ahead and explain being Nonbinary coz it Was a good few years before i like, heard of that as a concept.....speaking of the Circa-’10s Dialogue i could’ve explained “you aren’t obligated to like, lgbtq-dom to Come Out to your family” b/c my Attempt at that only inconvenienced me and it’s just not a good/true sentiment for anyone lol........took a minute to like, get Perspective on things where i had this assumption that i’d Age Out of what turned out to be more inherent issues like [you are autistic, and also queer, and ppl don’t always just Make Friend Groups by high school age lol] and [family dynamics are not all Like This and it seems like the ‘rents approach is Wild b/c it is and it’s not Really going to fundamentally change so just don’t worry about the Continual Strife lol not on you actually] like, there’s a real On The One Hand But On The Other matter where my getting to go away to college gave that chance for some crucial Distance / Perspective on things about myself and my existence, but also forever in “i kind of hate school despite whatever parts are alright-to-good” club and did i need to rack up the tuition-etc Costs, would i have been able to get the Perspective in high school? probably in part but i also would’ve probably hated the [academic] part more and also would’ve been around most of the same ppl since kindergarten and yet i was sitting at the Odds N Ends lunch table probably just reading, so even though i was also not magically Socially Thriving in college, it was better from that angle too.......maybe could’ve told myself to do Backstage Theatre Stuff, since there was that issue of “i like to Perform but didn’t quite enjoy Family Members seeing it lmao”......compromise about your theatre gayness? who knows. generally tell myself to not worry about being Not Unruly as much, see: [the conflict is inevitable and too fundamental] lmao from many angles......who tf knows what primers on [Political Awareness] i could give a 10 yr old, that’s sure developing more in those years............idk like there’s Much 2 Consider but at the same time even Theoretically i’m not pressed to mess with the timeline lmao. like really just Maybe the small tip like “people are trans and specifically being nonbinary is A Thing and you are not obligated to Come Out To Parents” like, lord knows you get enough of their [i suspect and resent my progeny is not gender &/or sexualitying Correctly] without even bothering to confirm it for them

🍺 Favourite drink?

damb.......i like a Coffee alright for like, non-practical reasons i.e. all caffeine is likely to do is make me even sweatier than usual........tea can be pretty good, i like fruit / mint flavors (separately...).......sweet tea / lemonade combo (or just sweet tea ft. like a lemon wedge) pretty much fucks, or just regular lemonade on its own lol.......orange juice is okay, teresa was talking abt orange juice And apple cider last night like yeah apple cider’s okay, i went from liking apple juice to finding it intolerable and now i think i Can power through it w/o enthusiasm but apple cider is always great. grape soda is good and so is orange soda, sprite, ginger ale......and also Grape Juice is rly good......s/o to Water, idk that anyone’s enthused or anything on average but thank you for the hydration........idk i’m just out here like Sipppp........just wanna avoid anything Overall bitter really (tea / coffee always gotta be sweetened.....if i’m having Alcohol it’s gotta be like some cocktail and even then i've like multiple times tried and failed to just power through a pina colada. various unsweetened Teas have also just been like, i’d rather have the plain water. oh yeah and sparkling water, tf is going on there, Gross......avoided it wholly for years but last i checked cherry juice Specifically is intolerable 2 me) but idk i guess yeah if you take the Average of everything the answer is just like. water.........this just epitomizes my Asks Answers lmfao there’s no real answer but i take forever writing down whatever thought crosses my mind in the course of figuring it out and go tl;dr n/a or [the most boring answer possible]

⚡ Ever had a Greek Mythology phase?

i feel like i’m sort of forgetting some aspects to the “not really but kind of” answer like, most summers i’d Partake in some sort of daytime 2-3 week Activities camp lmao and i feel like one of them of yore mayyyybe had some kind of greek mythology theme to it b/c we had yknow like these smaller groups and i think we had to come up with Skits explaining greek myths b/c our like 4-5 person group did Arachne and i’m fairly sure that everyone else’s was along those lines lmao nothing Completely Different.......most of what i really remember was like, first of all it’s that “i cannot simply Think Of An Idea” problem lmao like tf do you mean Create A Skit......but it wasn’t just Me so we worked around it lol. and anyways the most Memorable thing was like, the day before we were gonna Present these skits we were like “uh how are we gonna have a Visible Spider’s Web” and one of the people were like “i have like a sheet with a spiderweb design on it” and we were like are you gonna forget to bring it though, and then she forgot to bring it, and when someone in our group like told An Adult like “uh what do we do if a sort of essential prop is Unavailable” we were unhelpfully brushed off with “you’ll just have to use your imaginations” and so we bitterly were like Oh Is THAT The Sentiment Then............and what we did is like, i don’t remember what [sort of chorus / narrator] greek god i happened to be playing but i was the one to hold up the “web” like wow amazing weaving here, as per the myth of arachne, and since we didn’t have anything and were told to just use our imaginations to rectify the issue, i held up the corners of Absolutely Nothing and announced it was sure an incredible woven spider’s web, i.e. the audience had to Imagine It.........a real memorable event of Inspired Pettiness from us like 9 yr olds or whatever the fuck. lmfao. of course nobody would’ve given a shit either way but we were somewhat pressed about it so it was fun to just like, get that Stress brushed off and in turn go “ah fuck it then” lmfao

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