#and saw an opportunity to test my limits with drawing emotion

[emry-stars-art]

Pros of “apology dinner” at the Hemmicks: Drake’s dead now

Cons of “apology dinner” at the Hemmicks:

everything else

#using my love of and ability to draw decent sheets and bedding for ✨evil✨ #at time of drafting: #I have mentally and emotionally drained myself this fine Sunday #👍 #unfortunately for all of us I was reading through the updates over on otdiaftg #kept getting punched in the gut #and saw an opportunity to test my limits with drawing emotion #so anyway #if you guys know of any fandom-specific tags I should add lmk #fan art #my art #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #drake spear #blood #I guess it’s b&w/graphite but just to be safe

[drxwsyni]

doubts and desires︱albedo x f!reader

summary: letting go of the past is hard, but losing what you have now would be harder. leaving albedo is neither something you can do, or something you really want, it’s simply taken you a while to understand that. word count: 2k warnings: implied dubcon, stockholm syndrome, past kidnapping

Even with how Albedo had bundled you up in a hat, scarf, gloves, and coat―it still failed to ward off the chill that seemingly sucked the warmth right from your body. Yet you said nothing about it, the unwanted attention it would draw from him inevitable if you made your discomfort known. And, you were almost certain he would drag you back to the cabin if he knew how the cold was treating you.

You didn’t enjoy the biting temperatures, but you didn’t want leave. Not when it’s been so long since you descended the mountain, that you barely even remember the feeling of snowfall against your skin.

The whole situation he’s placed you in is really quite foreign―confusing.

In how he’s letting you accompany him in his research, not far from his―your home. A safe distance, so to speak. Or that’s what he said, at least.

You realized that the way he spoke of this outing, how it’d just be the two of you, and that you wouldn’t venture very far; they were words of comfort. Not said to reassure himself that things would go smoothly, but to calm the look of trepidation in your eyes from the mere suggestion of going outside.

Now, seeing Albedo’s nonchalant demeanour while he studies the petrification of a fallen tree, it puts your mind at ease. Sure, if you look closely you’ll be able to see the way his eyes flicker to your form every few seconds or so, making sure you were right where he left you, but generally the alchemist is calm.

It makes you calm, for a moment it feels like you’re able to settle down and appreciate the intricate beauty of the snow swept mountain you stand upon. Best to do so now, knowing it wouldn’t be long until he would lead you home, sheltered safely away from the danger of the mountain’s climate.

“Oh―I didn’t know you were to be researching today, Albedo sir.”

With your back turned to the newly appeared stranger behind you, the cold that had seeped into your bones no longer posed as the only thing holding you in place―it was also now an icy fear.

You watched unmoving from your spot as Albedo gave pause, a hint of contemplation flashing across his face before standing.

“Timaeus. I thought you were studying back in the city.”

The man, who you had yet to properly address, responded with a somewhat nervous laugh.

“Yes, well I was, but it led me to do my own research out in the field…”

Always in a strangely graceful manner, Albedo dusted off his pants and straightened his jacket. A look of unashamed disinterest painted his expression as Timaeus rambled on about his findings.

Truly, you don’t recall Albedo ever showing such emotions with you―a detail not necessarily heartwarming, but still reassuring in an indescribable way.

Perhaps it was due to you being so sure that he’d rid himself of you when you no longer proved useful. Which made the swirling of affection and enamour in his eyes when he gazed upon you settle your nerves, even in just the slightest.

“...which I unfortunately have yet to procure. But―ah, I’ve gotten ahead of myself again. My apologies, how is your research coming along. And...who might you be?”  

If Albedo recognized the look of severe anxiety flashing across your face, he paid no mind. Instead giving you a small, somewhat warm smile. As if to say, “Go ahead.”

The few seconds that passed were done in silence, you desperately trying to read Albedo’s face for ulterior motives, and the man behind you shuffling awkwardly in place while he waited for a response.

By some miracle, your body moved on autopilot, turning around to finally acknowledge the cause of your newfound distress. Only, you couldn’t even look him in the face.

Your mouth was dry, mind foggy and unable to think of a response that was anywhere near being coherent.

“...I―uh…”

“This is my new assistant. Please do forgive her, she’s quite shy.”

A shaky breath escaped your rigid body at the sound of Albedo’s voice, and the feeling of his hand resting gently upon the small of your back.

The blatant lie that only you and him recognized echoed inside your head.

Timaeus had no clue who you were, or what you meant to Albedo. But if he did know, you wondered what he would do.

“...Ah, it’s strange we’ve never met before.”

You could tell without looking that Timaeus was studying your form. With the way his tone shifted to something a little more unsettled, a pit grew in your stomach knowing how he had picked up on your questionable nervousness.

The hand resting on your back felt a little more heavy.

Albedo showed no signs of botherment, “That’s likely because she’s not from here.”

For some ungodly reason, the less experienced alchemist took this as an opportunity. “Oh, if that’s the case then we should show her around. Sucrose could use someone like herself to―”

“Actually, we were just leaving. I’m afraid I’ve kept her out in the cold too long, and descending the mountain any further is quite a reckless task in this weather―” His head turned to look at you, no longer addressing his student, “―right?”

If Timaeus was told of what his teacher had done to you, would he help? Even if he looks up to Albedo, even if everyone does, surely they would step in.

Only, the issue remained that first you’d have to prove to them you were in danger.

...And really, you weren’t. Not anymore.

The tender bruises around your wrists and ankles had healed long ago. Your health was in near perfect condition, what with how Albedo saw to it that you never did anything to put it at risk. A single and quick glance would show that you were so pristinely taken care of, complexion shining now that you no longer spent nights sleepless from fear.

What were you to even say?

Moreso, it remained true that you didn’t quite want to say anything.

Timaeus wouldn’t believe your truth, and Albedo would likely spin the scenario so that your words weren’t reliable anyways.

It dawned on you that Albedo knew this fact well, why else would he bring you with him if he wouldn’t still be entirely in control of the situation?

A simple movement, his hand drifted to your hip and gripped it firmly, urging.

Your voice, barely a whisper met his ears.

“...Of course…”

That was all he needed, sending an impatient, yet still neutral glance towards Timaeus, the smallest hint of self-satisfaction lingering in it.

His student took the hint.

_____

“I have to say, bringing you with me was quite...productive.”

After dinner, Albedo has you keep him company in his study. You, occupied with a book in a chair across from his desk, while he goes over his findings from the day’s outing.

“Research wise, I was able to study you in a foreign situation.” He continued, conversation one-sided, “The results were to my liking…”

Although construed in his ever sophisticated manner, his words told you that you did something right. He was proud, and that notion made the swell of a strange warmth in your heart grow.

The alchemist’s gaze remained downcasted at the papers strewn about in front of him while he spoke. “...I suppose you should be rewarded for such good behaviour.”

Your eyes flitted up, the story on your lap abandoned completely.

Albedo has never spoken of such a thing, not once entertaining the idea of rewards when he saw no reason to ever extend such gratitude. Even after all this time.

He must be especially pleased, you thought.

Perhaps, enough to grant you back even a small semblance of independence...that would most certainly be your wish.

You’d long grown used to his suffocating personality, the intense interest he paid you often resulting in little to no alone time. Albedo made sure you stayed in eyeshot, and in those inevitable times he needed to leave, he made them quick, and you were to be safely tucked away in the bedroom, door locked from the outside. There wasn’t a single detail he missed, no stone left unturned when trying to improve your security.

Unfortunately for you, it left little autonomy.

Just the smallest taste of self-reliance would be fine. You’d love to cook a nice meal, like the ones you used to make. Or perhaps to pick your own outfit one morning, something more your style than the things he put together for you. Any break from his constant guidance, no matter what shape or form, you’d gladly take―

“Why don’t you go get cleaned up then, I’ll meet you upstairs soon.”

Albedo neglected to look up as he spoke, and so he missed how the glimmer of anticipation in your eyes faded away. The way your shoulders dropped slightly, the look of disappointment flashing across your features in understanding of his words.

What he had planned, it was a reward...of sorts.

An excuse, as far as you saw it.

Albedo was known for testing the limits of living beings after all, and in certain ways, such studies extended to how he treats you. It’s a win win for him―he thinks it’s a reward, since he knows he can make you feel good, and doing so just shows him all those little things he can’t learn through idle observation. What makes you squirm or shy away with innocent embarrassment―information just as important as everything else he knows about you.

It doesn’t dissuade Albedo when he finally glances up to see what his offer has done, though the sight does make him feel as though he’s deceived you.

Still, he remains unapologetic. “While you gave me some good insight on how far you’ve...adjusted, I still can’t completely trust you. This merely turned out to be a good opportunity for satisfying your other needs―nothing more.”

Flipping open a nearby textbook, Albedo conveys wordlessly, a difficult habit of his, that the conversation has ended.

You, however, have yet to heed his words. Still seated, the once flickering of hope subsiding with each passing second. Call it grief, but you were sincerely expecting a different outcome. Though, knowing Albedo, and his constant need to grow more knowledgeable, you should’ve seen this coming.

“...I’d rather not have to force your compliance tonight. So, please―” He gestured towards the door with a wave of his hand, focus trained and brows barely knitted while he skims over his readings on the desk.

Honestly speaking, you once thought Albedo was a deeply confusing man. So too was the life he’d meticulously prepared, and swiftly forced you into. Yet, looking back, things may have been more simple than you once perceived.

Your only real job is to exist and comply. And you both know you’re not going anywhere, not going to say no. Especially now, given how effortless it feels to fall into routine, going through the motions of his request and carrying yourself upstairs.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you realize it’s too late for you, what feels like an eternity spent at Albedo’s side having just about rendered your fighting spirit useless. It’s been long since replaced with what you’re coming to know as a certain fondness. You want to see the compassion in his eyes that’s sparked by your willing compliance.

It was a single, tangible goal. Not complex and unobtainable like those tasks of your past life. Attempts at obtaining those desires are futile, when today's events proved you genuinely no longer want them anymore.

It’s much easier to make Albedo proud. You don’t realize that you do it everyday, and that he’s just poor at conveying his own emotions...

Drawing yourself a bath, you wash away past doubts, settling with what your life has turned into.

Distantly, you hear Albedo make his way up the stairs and towards your bedroom. You like knowing what’s to come, which is always something you’ll have with him. You can’t say the same if you leave, and so you finally resolve that you never will.

#yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #yandere albedo #yandere albedo x reader #genshin impact x reader #yandere x you #albedo x you #tw dubcon

[neocatharsis]

Ten Lee Talks Art, Dance, and His New Represent Clothing Collection

"So what is the right answer for me? What do I have to do to really be the person I want to be? But then I realized that there's no right or wrong.”

A few days ago, musician and dancer Ten Lee — known for his work in K-pop groups such as NCT and SuperM, and the Chinese group WayV — shared a video of himself freediving in a deep pool. As Billie Eilish croons the opening to “idontwannabeyouanymore,” he launches into a somersault before swan diving easily onto his back, legs fluttering, arms outstretched, a mermaid embracing the open water.

The reason for the dive is a bit of a secret, he tells Teen Vogue, but not one necessarily related to forthcoming music with the groups he’s in. Rather, it’s one way he’s following his own artistic instincts. If he looks like he’s dancing underwater, that’s because he is, bringing to life a picture of a dance move that previously existed only in his head. “I have all these thoughts in my brain right now,” he says, “but I had to make it real.”

Though he floats seamlessly into different combinations of performers onstage, whether as part of the sensual WayV or the chaotic NCT or the maximalist SuperM, Ten has a fluidity and spirit all his own — especially in dance, where he thrives. Born Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul in Bangkok, Thailand, he joined SM Entertainment in 2013, debuting as part of NCT U in 2016. A turning point came in 2017, when he released his first solo single “Dream in a Dream,” a lovely, imaginative ballad that melds traditional East Asian instrumentals with woozy ambient pop, and has mesmerizing choreography to match. It was the first time he talked to the choreographers he worked with and shared his ideas of what he wanted to try. “I realized why all the hyungs sometimes like doing their own stuff,” he says. “It's because you’re putting your ideas in your own work.”

Now, he’s on the cusp of another turning point: earlier this month, he launched a clothing collection with Represent that features all of his original designs. Longtime Ten fans will know he’s into visual art, sharing regal sketches of his cats Leon and Louis and emotive, detailed doodles on his Instagram. (Fun fact: he toyed with the idea of designing cat clothes, but was concerned about how cats would clean themselves.) The new collection shows off his skill, of course, but it’s also a representation of his creative ethos, and who he wants to be as a person.

Titled “What is ??? THE ANSWERS,” the designs are explosive and bright, with symbols and metaphors galore. He draws various eyes, entranced by the way they show happiness, embarrassment, fear, the things people try to hide. In one design, he uses a cross, which has a double meaning: it’s the Chinese character for the number “10” and also a plus sign, representing the growth and potential he sees in himself.

Ten had long wanted to create a clothing brand, and when Represent approached him, he saw an opportunity to try something of his own. As a kid in Bangkok, he’d taken art lessons at the behest of his mom, who believed that studying art would help boost his IQ and improve his education as a whole. He didn’t really like it at the time, until he took the Cambridge IGCSE exam and tested highly in, you guessed it, art. “I was like, ‘Okay, I like art,’” Ten laughs. “Then I started drawing and trying to develop my own style.” Now, he turns to drawing when he’s feeling “negative energy,” like “when you're down or when you feel sad or when you feel like you're not good enough for something.” Drawing is a source of solace, and it also helps him focus and find clarity on more existential matters.

On Instagram, he wrote of the collection, “What inspires me to create these art pieces is to remind myself that there are no actual answers in what we do. I feel like we are creating all the rules and pressure ourselves with the word ‘standards.’ Who defines the standards of what is acceptable or not + what is right or not + what is enough or not??? The boundaries we draw might limit us from creating something we never knew were capable of.”

When he expands upon that Instagram artist statement, it’s with an interesting visual. “People try to make lines on you,” he says. It calls to mind something like Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man, a representation of perfect proportions and clean, graphed segments. An idealized image that hardly ever exists.

“I was thinking about my own stuff, the things I have to do to get what I want, like my goals. And, what people said to me, maybe about [my] appearance or about the skills that I had, or my personality, and they told me to change this, do this. I realized that they're just making their own lines on me. So what is the right answer for me? What do I have to do to really be the person I want to be? But then I realized that there's no right or wrong.”

He connects his drawing to his dancing in one word: freedom. Both allow him to lose himself in the moment of creating something real and personal. But in art, it doesn’t matter so much about finding the right answer, or unifying perfectly with other people the way a highly choreographed dance requires.

“Art is more of an individual pleasure,” he says. “If Mark [Lee, his bandmate] is next to me, and I say like, ‘Hey Mark, do you think that clothing is nice?’ He might say no, but for me it was, ‘Wow, that clothing looks so beautiful.’”

Ten might be homed in on individual artistic expression at the moment, but that doesn't mean that's his sole focus. He also yearns for the day SuperM can reunite after members Baekhyun and Taemin return from their military service. “I will fight for that," he says. "We had so much fun touring and then working with all the hyungs. I hope there's a new project for SuperM to work on once everyone is back."

© Teen Vogue

#nct #wayv #Ten

[some-dr-writings]

Kokichi, Rantaro, and Shuichi x SHSL Military General Reader

Kokichi Oma:

·       The Super High School Level Military General, that title sounded to be a mere invitation for a challenge to Kokichi. The moment he heard of you, your reputation of being so cold and distant, more stoic and silent than even stone, he knew you were his next target. He was determined to get you to crack that façade somehow!

·       There was just one problem.

·       No matter what he pulled you always either didn’t react, or effortlessly avoided it. You had to have some weakness. He just needed to snuff it out! And so that was how Kokichi began to follow you. The moment you exited class he’d be there to greet you at the door with some prank, after which he’d momentarily complain about how you were emotionless in a joking tone before hugging your arm talking nonstop about anything and everything that slipped through his mind. Not once did you ever utter a word or make a sound during these encounters.

·       One day after class you sat in the library, studying for an upcoming test. “Ugh, Y/N, this is soooo boring. We don’t even need to study at this school, just improve our talents. What are you dooooing?” You simply jotted down some notes before flipping to the next page in the textbook. Groaning he took out a drawing pad and crayons and started scribbling on it. Loudly humming he worked away, even when in the corner of his eye he saw how you had closed your text book, daintily placing the book onto your lap, your hands properly held atop one another on the cover of the book. “… Give Tojo Kirumi a task in the gym.” “Ah HAH! You do speak!” You stared at him, standing on the table, pointing, his finger touching the tip of your nose. “… Tomorrow is Tuesday. Normally she’d be doing laundry by eight, but yesterday Yasuhiro Taeke, more commonly known as Ludenberg Celestia, will be hosting a card gaming tournament at the behest of the principle since a well renowned group of talent agents will be coming here. Tojo Kirumi will be asked to assist with setting up the hall. In order to get as many of your targets as possible give her a request immediately before nine. That will lead both Yasuhiro Taeke and the talent agents to the sight of your prank and keep Tojo Kirumi from intervening and cleaning up the aftermath too soon after your prank is ignited.” So, a peak into the mind of the SHSL Military General.

·       Since that day you would occasionally speak to Kokichi, it was always abrupt and short, but it was always to assist in his scheming and nothing else.

·       Eventually Kokichi got bored following you, saying it wasn’t fair that you two only ever did what you wanted so he’d begin to drag you around. You never resisted, not even once. Kokichi didn’t think much of this, just that you likely went along since it was the better option than fighting against it.

·       Then he realized that was not the case.

·       You and he were meandering around the school festival, Kokichi making fun of the sad horror house effects much to Korekiyo’s chagrin. It was then one of the students from your class told you things had gone array at your booth, and they needed your help. They were about to take your hand and lead you there when you jerked your hand away, a harsh snap sound cracking the air. You look down at them with a cold steelie gaze and in an intimidating, confident voice you said “No.” Then you began to walk away at a brisk pack. “Come now, I know you can keep up.” And that same tone immediately got your classmate to walk in time with you, in your exact stride too. Not long later you returned to the haunted house where Kokichi still was. “Y/A What was that all about? Wait! Hey, hey! That’s your weakness, isn’t it! Tell me, tell me. It’s your weakness! Come on! Just admit it!” You didn’t do a thing for a moment before taking his hand. “Letting one of my soldiers lead the way would be a sign of weakness. The same however can not be stated about the closest thing I have to a friendship with another.” “… Aw~ You think of me as a friend? That’s so sweet!” … closest thing you had to friendship… What exactly was your life like before entering Hope’s Peak, he wondered. He had some guesses… Likely awfully lonely. But that’s exactly why he’s here. Kokichi is a clown, and he was determined still to get a reaction out of you.

·       It was strange. For the longest time he thought your stoicism was a façade, but truthfully that was just how you were. It just made the moments when he did get a reaction all the more special and mesmerizing. He wanted to be there to see each and every one of your little reactions. “Hey, Y/N!” He let go of your hand, spinning around and stopping before you. “Want to go out with me?”

·       You blushed.

·       Your eyes slightly widened, your posture laxed and your hands held the hem of your shirt. “I… l-like a date?” “Nishishi.” Your blush swiftly spread to the tips of your ears as Kokichi took your hands into his own. “Heh, who knew. Honesty is your weakness.” Suddenly he started skipping away, still holding one of your hands. “For a liar like me, this might be difficult but, if being honest with my feelings plucks at your heart strings, I guess I have no choice.” Seemingly out of nowhere Kokichi had a megaphone in hand and held it up to himself before taking a deep breath. “HEY WORLD! I’M IN LOVE WITH Y/N!” “Ah, O-Oma! I- uh Yes? I’d like to go out, b-but…” You covered your face with both of your hands, too embarrassed and loving how Kokichi smiled, continuing to announce his love for you to the world.

·       Equal opposites yet exactly the same you and Kokichi seemed to be a reflection of one another. You almost unemotive and Kokichi very emotive. Both of you were fantastic leaders always trying to manipulate the world as to protect your own even if it meant manipulating them too. As the Ultimate Supreme Leader and Ultimate Military General, nothing could stand in your way. You could own the whole world if you wished. Luckily for the world, all you wanted was for all you cared about to be safe and happy. Safe under both of your watchful eyes and happy at the silly shenanigans you’d plan out for your own but mostly other’s amusement. After all the fighting you had been through it was therapeutic to use your skills outside of fighting and perhaps… that was Kokichi’s goal the whole time. Maybe, for as smart and clever as you were, you were outmatched by the emotionally intelligent Kokichi. Whatever his true intentions he had for approaching you that even he possibly didn’t know, you were still together and something you were forced to accept as a Military general is that sometimes it matters not how you reach a goal, just the end result and though that thought often weighed heavily upon you, maybe just this once, a single clown had helped you lift up and carry that burden, even changing it to something lighter. Something with no blood, just tomfoolery. And… after all you had been though, it was like a dream to have it be this way.

   Rantaro Amami:

·       The pair of you had met only once before joining Hope’s Peak. Rantaro had stumbled upon a training camp you were temporarily heading. Impressed he was even able to make it there since it was near impossible to get through those snowy ranges without a helicopter or some way to just skip over manually trekking through the dangerous terrain, you allowed him to rest for the night after thoroughly checking he didn’t have anything dangerous or was a spy that is. Promptly the moment the sun rose you kicked him out, but he was still appreciative you let him stay at all. So when he saw you at the entrance ceremony he took the opportunity to thank you since you never gave him the chance to back then.

·       Since that day whenever Rantaro was at school and not traveling he’d make sure to spend time with you. You never spoke much mostly keeping to yourself or intervening into our class’ affairs should a leader be helpful, even so Rantaro would still chat with you. That was actually something he quite liked about you. The few times you did speak, there was always purpose and power behind it. No matter what was happening, even if you quietly muttered a single short word, you’d instantly garner the attention of all those around you and even if they were preoccupied with something else, you did not need to repeat your words, for they already knew what they were.

·       Others always though the two of you to be a strange pair. You were strict and up tight while Rantaro was more relaxed and laid back. Seemingly opposites, yet you did have a common thread. Nurturing. Rantaro, often his big brother instincts would kick in and he’d comfort and help just about anyone, even if he wasn’t all to great at the task at hand. You on the other hand always push those around you to their limit, motivating them to work as hard as they could independently while still being good team players. Rantaro more so focused on being the emotional side or being the rock others could lean on while you were their leader, assisting them in finding the best plan of attack that was most efficient but least costly on materials whether it be monetary or their health, you took all that into consideration as costs. A mentally damaged soldier can’t properly fight with their everything after all.

·       Sometimes when Rantaro was planning his next trip away from school you’d join him. “If you cut through the mountains, you’d have a direct path to the town.” “Well… Yeah, but I don’t know. There’s supposed to be wolves there.” “You said the town you’re coming from is known for fishing.” “Yeah.” “Surely one of them would have a boat or shipping route you can hitch a ride on. There’s a large river that cuts through the mountains, unless there’s white rapids I’m sure someone uses it for transport. If not, with your persuasion skills I’m sure you can convince someone to do so.” “Persuasion skills? I don’t know about that, but thanks.” You looked to him with that icy glare, one that would make most anyone flinch, but not Rantaro. His regular demeanor was just so calm and relaxed he was one of the few people who was unaffected by it. “Never doubt yourself. Hesitating for a moment will get you killed.” Rantaro simply smiled with his eyes closed, patting you on the head. “Okay, I won’t. Thank you.” “ah!... don’t, don’t patronize me. We’re friends, don’t treat me of a lower station, we’re equals.” “Huh?” He looked to you in confusion. There was still power in your voice, but did it waver? Your cheeks and tips of your ears were dusted with a bright pink. He retracted his hand. “Sorry, I wasn’t doing that. I forgot you don’t like touch. It’s a habit I guess.” “… Please refrain from doing so in the future. It’s common practice to treat a child in such a way. Not to say children are lower than us, but most often with head pats and that sickeningly sweet tone you took is used for looking down on those younger, those one sees as beneath them… Children are not given enough respect.” “Oh? I don’t look down on my little sisters.” The blush on you face kept darkening as you made unwavering eye contact with Rantaro trying to not show just how flustered you were becoming. “Well, I, I mean… Often people only treat others they see as lower like that, and, I…” You then abruptly stood up. “I need a moment to collect my thoughts.” You then ran off wondering what the hell you were even doing. Meanwhile Rantaro simply smiled watching you as you left. “Cute.”

·       As Rantaro thought about it, he did appreciate what you were trying to say. He knew how highly you treated respect, and you give that to children as well… Perhaps you’d be a good person to be around his sisters.

·       For all of Rantaro’s life he had always gone with the flow, so it was not surprising that the same happened when getting together with you. Neither of you ever confessed, you just knew you were together and that was that.

·       On occasion you’d go with Rantaro on his trips. Though he never had much luck before, Rantaro felt that with you by his side, perhaps he could find his sisters again. With a person as strong and smart and dedicated as you, he was sure you’d come up with some ingenious plan to find them all. If anyone could do it, it would be you. These trips, when these thoughts appeared, it reminded him of all the reasons why he fell for you, how kind and caring you were under that cold exterior. You just always wanted the best for others so should you be separated, you didn’t have to worry about them, because you knew you trained them well to be independent and a team player when needed. You were the best partner he never could have even dreamed of and with you by his side, he felt that just maybe anything was possible.

   Shuichi Saihara:

·       Shuichi was introduced to you through Kaito. Kaito acted like you and he were the best of friends, but you seemed to be so distant. “Kaito… Are you sure you’re friends?” “Huh? What do you mean, Shuichi? Of course we’re friend’s, just look at how happy they are to be here with me!” You did not even take a glance at him as he draped his arm across your shoulders, pulling you closer, he so brightly smiling. “They’re like Akamatsu and me, a great leader! I actually brought them here to see if they’d take you on as a sidekick as well!” “Soldier.” Shuichi’s breath got caught in his throat hearing that quiet, yet powerful voice. “Yeah, soldier, sidekick, they’re the same for you.”

·       Not long after you ended up joining he, Maki and Kaito for their training in the evenings. As the SHSL Military general, he thought it was going to be hell, but… it was not? You gave Maki, Kaito and Shuichi different amounts of push-ups or whatever exercise they had decided to do. Every one of you were pushed to your limit. You’d correct them on their form, but more so, you’d encourage them, saying you knew they could do better and asking that they not disappoint you, which was surprisingly motivating. Though he hadn’t known you for long, he didn’t want to let you down, something about you made him want to do better. Perhaps it was that commanding tone that made him feel he had too or how you were working out with all of them, not taking a break or slowing your impossibly fast pace till everyone was done. Whatever it was, some part of Shuichi wanted to make you proud of him as odd as that may sound.

·       You also ended up following Shuichi around. Nothing stalker like. You’d just sit by one another in the library or at lunch. Being more introverted, Shuichi actually rather liked this. Neither of you had to speak much but your friendship still blossomed.

·       One day you spoke up. “Shuichi, are you free after school?” “Yeah, I am.” “I’ll meet you at your classroom then.” And you just left. Indeed, when Shuichi left his classroom you were there waiting for him by the door. Locking eyes for a brief moment you began to walk away, and he followed. You lead him out of the school, down streets and alleyways till you arrived at a small building.

·       Once inside you were immediately greeted happily by men and women. “Hey, General, who’s this kid. A new friend of yours?” “Yes. A childhood friend of mine introduced us and I was asked to take him under my wing. I believe this place may be useful to him. I’ll be heading to my therapy session now.” With that said you walked up the stairs and left Shuichi behind. “Uh, therapy? What is this place?” It looked to be a large cozy house. There were not too many people about ten or so but most were of different ethnicities or were injured in some way. One of the people sitting at a table eating baked treats approached Shuichi. “A drop-in center. A place for us retired soldiers to gather and… just talk with others with similar experiences. You don’t seem like the Ultimate fighter or anything so a civilian like you must have been through something rough. Come, let’s share some snacks till the General gets back.”

·       And there Shuichi was told many a story of the battlefield, stories of you, how you always tried to take as little life while still being realistic. How you’d push everyone to the breaking point but also be tender. War is not kind but that didn’t mean you couldn’t be. “So… what about you?” “Eh- Me?” “Yes, Shuichi. You feel up to sharing your experiences?” “I… I can’t. My problems must sound so trivial compared to what you’ve been through.” “Enough! You never fought in a war but that doesn’t make your pain any less real.” “Exactly. This is a safe space to share any troubles, but if you don’t want too you don’t have to. I know it sure took me a while before I shared any of my stories.” “Well…” And Shuichi told them. About how he got his title, about the look the killer gave him, the guilt he carried on his shoulders, the fear of finding the truth only to cause more pain. And… everyone was so supportive. Some even saying that in some ways they weren’t sure they could deal with what Shuichi had gone through and fighting seemed easier to them. It seemed so surreal to Shuichi. So surreal in fact he didn’t notice you came back down those steps, briefly smiling before sitting in a corner to do your homework.

·       It was around dinner time that Shuichi had noticed you and realized how late it had gotten. You both quickly left, not wanting to miss out on Teruteru’s delicious cooking. About a block away from the building, you spoke up. “I go there just about everyday after school. Even if I don’t go, you’re welcome. A drop-in center is for everyone, not just soldiers of war.” Shuichi knew what you were getting at and accepted your offer. It was nice and quiet there. There were different regulars for each day, so conversation never got stale and… it was just so pleasant.

·       Eventually after you and Shuichi started going out you were occasionally teased at the Drop-in center, but it was always lighthearted. Some even shared stories of their spouses or past romances.

·       With Shuichi’s life seemingly being a rollercoaster, always so fast, loud and busy, he loved being with you. You were able to help him clear his mind. You were one of the few truly stable things in his life. No matter what happened he could always seek your guidance and you’d help to an extent but make sure Shuichi did most of the leg work. And you… truthfully you could say the exact same about Shuichi. He still needed to gain confidence, and independence, but you knew that you could rely on him. Should all the spilled blood seem overbearing, Shuichi would help you out of that dark place. You relied on him just as much as he relied on you. You were truly equal partners and neither of you could want for more from a partner.

#kokichi oma #kokichi ouma #rantaro amami #shuichi saihara #kokichi x reader #rantaro x reader #shuichi x reader #mod gundham #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #new danganronpa v3 #danganronpav3 #danganronpa imagine #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa v3 imagine #danganronpa v3 imagines #dr imagine #dr imagines #dr v3 imagine #dr v3 imagines #danganronpa x reader

[sofreddie]

Serendipitous Souls 14

Summary: They belong together. All of them.

Characters: Dean x OC!Reader x Sam, Chuck

Warnings: SMUT, Threesome, Unprotected Sex, Double Penetration, Fluff

Word Count: 1,744

A/N: What can I say? It's a self-indulgent fic and my fantasies get a little wild. 😉

"One need only ask," Chuck said with a smile as he appeared before them once more. Sam and Dean moving in unison to block Y/N from the deity, "I'm not gonna hurt her," Chuck scoffed at their defenses, "I'm here to bond you."

"What's the catch?" Sam spat. They'd been waiting for Chuck to show up, to enact some greater plan.

"Okay fine," Chuck groaned before snapping his fingers. Y/N and Sam both gasped. The feeling was familiar to Y/N - having gone through it with Dean - just without all the 'ceremony'.

"If it's that easy, why did we have to do all that other stuff?" Dean asked skeptically.

Chuck smirked, "I'll see you soon." With that, Chuck was gone as suddenly as he'd appeared.

Both brothers turned to Y/N with worry, checking that she was okay.

"I'm fine," she forced out, "Overwhelmed and confused but...fine," she breathed out, looking between them helplessly. Dean took the lead, turning her towards him, Sam standing by helplessly behind her.

"Do you still want this?" Dean asked hesitantly, "Want us?" he clarified.

"I do," she was quick to reply, a bit of that serum still thrumming through her, "I do, I do. I'm just having a really hard time getting my brain to function and work through everything."

They waited patiently as she caught her breath and shook her head, trying to calm her nerves and confusion. So much had happened. So much had changed. She prided herself on being adaptable, but surely this would test anyone's limits?

She took a deep breath and locked her eyes on Dean, "I do," she promised, more confident and steady, "I feel you both. I want you both."

"Yours," they both promised. Sam's lips kissed along her neck and shoulders from behind as Dean kissed her breathless, tasting of her mouth and swallowing down her moans in a way that had become so familiar to the two of them.

Dean stepped back, brushing a thumb over Y/N's wet and parted lips. He cast a glance over her shoulder to Sam. In a flash, Sam had scooped her bridal style into his arms from behind, making her shout in surprise before giggling.

Sam smiled warmly at her as he traveled down the hall with her in his arms, Dean following close behind. Her brain had only a moment to register they were back in her and Dean's room. Sam sat her on her feet but didn't let her from his arms.

"You're sure?" he asked, looking down at her. He wanted her so much, to experience the love and passion Dean had detailed to him.

"Yes, Sam," she urged, pressing herself against him.

"We belong together," Dean stated once more, seeing Sam's hesitancy.

Y/N took the initiative, letting herself go in the moment, as she pulled Sam's lips to her own. He quickly melted into it, humming with the satisfied buzz that was flowing through him. It was that surge, like Dean had described, slowly filling every inch of him.

As he pulled from the kiss and looked into her eyes, he felt it. The connection to her, with her. Their souls recognizing each other. He glanced at his brother. In a weird way, he felt more connected to him too through her. Dean smiled reassuringly at Sam.

None of them were sure if it was their acceptance or Chuck's interference that suddenly saw them all bonded. None of them really cared as a peace and contentment settled over them. The familiarity of their pieces coming together as one overrode all else.

Taking a deep breath, Sam felt more at ease, and more in control. He took a step back, holding Y/N's gaze as Dean began slowly removing her clothing from behind. The two of them almost putting on a show for Sam.

Once she was naked, Dean ran his hands lovingly along her curves, placing a gentle kiss on her shoulder. Her head fell back against his shoulder as he continued peppering kisses along her neck.

His hands trailed back up to cup her breasts, massaging them and tweaking her nipples. He looked to his brother and gave a subtle nod to him. Sam swallowed hard and began undressing, his eyes trailing over every inch of her body.

At this point, Y/N was a mess. She already felt more wound up and needy than she'd ever felt in her life. Dean's familiar hands and lips coasting her body, working all the little spots he'd discovered and learned in their short time together.

Before long they were all nude and laying across the bed, Y/N between the brothers as they lavished attention over her sensitive and responsive flesh.

"Wanna taste you," Sam mumbled against her skin as he worked his way down, leaving wet kisses to cool in the air. Dean grabbed her knee, hiking her leg over his hip, opening her wide for Sam.

Sam gave a soft kiss to her folds before opening her with his thumbs. Without warning he dove in, his mouth sucking and slurping away at her sensitive flesh. She squirmed against the brothers, Dean holding her tight and in place as he worked one breast with his hand, his teeth worrying at the skin of her neck relentlessly.

As Sam slid his fingers inside of her, she was lost to the bliss of the brothers attentions. She didn't notice the silent exchange between them. She didn't notice Dean reaching into the side table and retrieving a small bottle. She didn't notice the sound of the bottle opening.

"Want you here," Dean whispered into her ear as his fingers gently grazed her puckered hole. She gasped, his touch sending sparks through her but also making her a little nervous. They hadn't done that before. And she's certainly never had two guys at once before.

But she'd be damned if she didn't at least try.

"Yes," she breathily responded, feeling her climax cresting as Sam urged it from her. As she came, Dean took the opportunity to work a lubed digit into her from behind. Sam and Dean worked in tandem to guide her through her climax and open her up for them.

By the time they were all ready, they were shaking in anticipation and nerves.

Y/N went to move, trying to figure out a position for their endeavors, when Dean's hand held her firmly in place by the hip.

"Just like this," he said as he placed a tender kiss behind her ear. He grabbed her knee once more, opening her up as before.

"Tell us if you want to stop, okay?" Sam asked of her, cupping her cheek and making her meet his tender gaze, "We don't want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable."

Y/N smiled sweetly at Sam, her heart swelling from the care they were both giving her. She could feel them through the bonds and she was sure they could feel her too. With that in mind, she relaxed her heart, letting the walls come down and the truth of her emotions shine through.

She could hear them both gasp before Sam captured her lips in a searing kiss. He entered her slowly and smoothly, stopping when he could go no further. She felt perfect, so tight and warm. He kissed her again as Dean entered her from behind, just as cautious.

They all had to take a moment to adjust and catch their breath. The intensity of it all was almost too much to bear, the pleasure beyond anything they'd felt before.

And they hadn't even moved yet.

Winsync had never thrilled her more then at that moment, the two men moving in tandem in and out of her with long, smooth strokes. She could die right now and be happy. In fact, she might actually be dead and in Heaven. She didn't really care, as long as they never stopped moving, never stopped touching and caressing her.

Every inch of her body was a livewire, strung with tension and desperate for release. Sam and Dean drove her higher and further with every move, but kept her just out of reach of her blissful release. It didn't take her long to realize they were doing it on purpose, drawing out the experience.

Her desperation and frustration won out as she quickly found her clit with her fingers and began rubbing tight little circles. Sam grabbed her hand and pulled it away from her core, kissing the tips of her fingers before placing her hand against his chest and holding it there.

"Let us get you there," Sam breathed against her lips, kissing her once more.

"Need to cum," she begged, nearly delirious.

"Wanna cum together," Dean grunted, giving a harsher thrust. Sam groaned before too delivering a harder thrust. Y/N screamed out affirmations and pleas and Sam and Dean gave into their desires, fucking her harder and harder until she finally exploded in blissful release.

Her clenching drove them both over the edge, Sam following right after Dean as they emptied deep inside of her.

Dean was the first to move, withdrawing with a wince, before climbing from the bed to clean himself up and retrieve a washcloth. As Dean left the bed, Sam rolled Y/N to her back, resting his body over hers while still inside of her.

He kissed her breathless before Dean cleared his throat to interrupt, offering wet washcloths for the both of them. Sam reluctantly withdrew and accepted the cloth while Dean cleaned up Y/N.

She lay there, eyes closed and a dopey grin plastered onto her face. She couldn't believe that just happened. Happy couldn't begin to describe what she felt.

"You okay?" Dean chuckled, nudging his nose against hers and pecking her lips.

"I am the happiest, luckiest woman alive," she breathed out, eyes still closed as her grin grew. Both brothers laughed.

"Guess that truth spell is still in effect," Sam mused.

"We're the lucky ones, Babe," Dean added, pecking her lips once more. Y/N turned on her other side, curling into Dean's chest, letting him hold onto her.

Sam momentarily hesitated, just looking at the two of them, before Y/N's arm reached behind her, pulling Sam to her back and his arm around her waist. She hummed and settled into her spot between them, smile still in place as she drifted off to sleep.

Sam and Dean smiled and placed kisses upon her before following her into a peaceful, deep slumber.

Forevers:

@sis-tafics

@lyarr24

@calaofnoldor

@hobby27

@spnbaby-67

@fangirlxwritesx67

Dean Winchester:

@akshi8278

@jerkbitchidjitassbutt

@slamminmine

Serendipitous Souls:

@brilovesdeanwinchester

@xhannahbananax03

@440mxs-wife

@crist1216

@deans-baby-momma

#serendipitous souls #dean x reader #sam x reader #dean x sam x reader #oc!reader #reader insert #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn #supernatural #smut

[wayhaving]

i love you how the sun loves the earth

nate sewell x detective rose adler

rose is kidnapped by the trappers... right from nate’s grasp.

rating: T

hi here’s an example of rose being an Idiot in the face of danger. hopefully this doesn’t seem choppy, and flows narratively... im so Bad at writing like this but i want to see rose Suffer. so i gave a kidnapping fic a shot. this is part 1.

words: 1.9k

by nightfall, the warehouse is in a frenzy.

and by dawn, it is quiet - as if the whole of the earth has decided not to disrupt the unsettling blanket of forbidding peace that has settled like a low-on-the-ground fog.

but despite the sun, and it’s peaking over the hills, light seeping through the trees, there is a darkness. an eclipse only triggered by an absence. an absence of a piece of the sun. an absence of her.

one look away, a simple second, and rose was gone. kidnapped. 

it should’ve been easy to track down those that have hunted her; who have plagued her life, and mocked her fear only to snatch her up given the first opportunity. they don’t even know why they want her. not really.

save for the special quality of her blood - and what might they do to her once they no longer have need of her. will they hurt her? torture her for information?

...kill her?

nate chokes on the thought. a flash of rose’s cold, lifeless eyes fills every crevice of his mind. he tries to will the image away but it sticks like a reminder. a reminder of his failure, a motivator to recovering what he’s lost.

he can’t help but think she’s already gone. she can’t be, and yet, his mind offers nothing but platitudes to fill the void of silence.

if she were here, (and she’s not, he can’t forget that, he couldn’t dare to forget that) she would be laughing in the face of her own fear. he wonders... he wonders if she’s doing that now. spitting at those who have her bound, trembling voice mocking her captors... god. her voice.

how he knows that voice - when she’s afraid but deigns not to show it—

“she will be fine.”

he doesn’t need to see him, to know that it’s adam’s hand on his slumped shoulder, or to know that it’s his softened voice speaking platitudes in order to ease his anxieties.

“will she?” he asks, turning around to face the older vampire. nine-hundred years of loss are etched on his face, lines permeating the usually stoic facade. it’s then, that nate truly grasps the direness of the situation (if he hadn’t already before, but seeing his old friend, with such worry so openly on his face, does nothing to quell his fears).

“they have no reason to hurt her.” even adam knows he is lying to himself, but what else is there to do?

admit their mistakes. admit they failed her. again.

“don’t they? what if they decide to kill her for it, adam?” her blood, nate doesn’t need to say it out loud for adam to understand what he means.

it’s insensible, adam knows this, but the ‘what if’s’ are too impending to ignore.

she’s special, killing her would be a loss, for the enemy... and for the team. but the truth of the matter is, rose has had a profound impact, not just on nate but on the team. it’s so easy, even for adam, to feel like everything has blown to chaos without her, yet still, he ignores it, pushes it down, becomes the friend nate needs.

“they might need her, to use her—“

nate snaps, “she’s not something to be used!”

and his eyes widen in surprise, that he let his frenzied state bubble up, but then again he’s never been afraid of his own emotions. though today... today he is. last night he was. and until she’s back, forever if she doesn’t. “she’s not...”

his head falls into his hands, calloused and rough - the perfect opposite to rose’s own hands... how he misses the feel of her skin... if only—

no. he lets it fall away, he can’t let her only be a memory, he was supposed to have years, before these thoughts even penetrate his mind.

let her soft skin be a motivator, let her light be everything he can’t get enough of - let it be something he can chase, and grasp and obtain again. she isn’t just a memory... not yet.

“i’m sorry,” he admits, now balancing on one tip of the scale, the one that brings him hope. it won’t be long until the terror seeps back in. but for now, he must focus. he can’t lose his focus.

not when—

not when it’s the reason she’s gone in the first place.

“we are... all on edge.” adam clasps nate’s shoulder again, full of understanding in nate’s reaction. he doesn’t want to argue. not now.

nate shifts in his usually comfortable seat, he supposes he shouldn’t allow himself comfort... not when... god he can’t even bring his mind to think about it. she’s alone, and scared, and cold... and he’s here... warm.

and yet still shivering inside.

—

meanwhile.

rose struggles against the ropes binding her wrists to either arm of the very cold, and very metal chair, smack in the middle of the room. the room itself is dark, with a greasy light fixture barely hanging to the ceiling, and in truth, rose is more worried the light will fall onto her head, than the trapper standing in front of her.

at least, if she lives to tell this story, that’s what she will tell.

the trapper, only a table away, keeps his face calm, and so does rose. a battle of wits almost, and rose is very talented. so many, many years of sitting in trouble at the principal’s office? well... let’s just say rose has a knack for never giving in and never telling secrets. not unless it’s to her gain of course, and right now? nothing seems like a gain, nothing except for getting out of here.

and she really hopes that the team is on their way, that they know where she is. that he knows where she is.

...that he’s okay. that he’s fine. that he’s not freaking out.

but she knows he is, because it’s nate, and she knows him (more than anyone she’s ever tried to know). so she knows he’s pacing, and worried beyond his normal limits of worrying... which are quite hard to surpass.

if she were there, (and she’s not, she couldn’t dare to forget that) she would be holding his hand, tighter than she ever has before. and this time she wouldn’t let go. a fatal mistake it seems.

the trapper is still eyeing her with a carefully constructed face - there’s no emotion, save for a slightly intimidating crease between his eyebrows. clearly, he’s practiced his intimidation techniques before.

“i don’t really have all day.” rose tilts her head, eyes now focused and calculating. her tactic is to... very plainly put, annoy the shit out of the trappers either to stall them in whatever it is they want to do to her, (this is seriously the preferred option) or to speed up the death process because truthfully, she is losing-her-mind bored. 

in her head, she’s already tried to convince herself it’s a win-win scenario because it’s easier to be crass than to confront the terrifying reality that this may be the end of the line.

but she isn’t sure how much longer she can muffle her whimpers, or keep her lips from trembling. she can’t run from it any longer, she doesn’t have anywhere to run. 

at least nate is safe. at least he’s warm, at least i saw his face one last time before... all of this.

the trapper says nothing in response, and rose searches carefully for any indication that what she had said has had any effect on the man. regrettably, there is no visible effect.

“do i get lunch?” rose asks, and pulls on her best doe-eyed look, batting eyelashes as coyly as possible. 

again no response, but this time the man leaves the interrogation-style room.

rose calls out after him, “you know, considering you grabbed me from my very private lunch with my—!” the door slams shut, and rose’s voice immediately shrinks to an irritated whisper. “my boyfriend—“

her body jerks, in anger and in hopes to loosen something, anything. “shit!”

she lets out a ragged sigh, breath wavering. tears prick in her eyes, so she closes them. tears are a weakness she can’t exactly afford to show right now. but later.

later, she will cry, inevitably, and hopefully on nate’s shoulder.

—

“we think they want to do tests on her...” rebecca starts, slow, every syllable drawing pain through her, “and on other... supernaturals that they have captured.”

she breathes in deeply, hands shaking so she hides them behind her back, but the team already knows. she’s barely holding it together, and truth be told, none of them are.

adam’s jaw is snapped shut, clenching and unclenching subconsciously like his fist at his side. nate hasn’t been able to breathe, not since the last time he’d seen her. mason is calm, but there’s a darkened quality in his eyes, a wave of unrefined anger, if you were to look in them, surely you would find a fire reflecting back.

and felix.

felix is unusually quiet, hands fidgeting with the scarf rose had bought him for his birthday. no one had ever really given him a gift before that, and now that she’s gone... no he can’t think about it. he had already planned another shopping spree with her, he had to keep his promise.

“so they want to test other supernatural’s abilities,” adam confirms, with a tilt of his chin.

 “they’ll need to keep her alive then.” hope courses through nate’s veins as his mind entertains the possibility. he feels her touch even though she’s not here, the memory is a poor substitute but it makes him feel alive. it’s an even greater motivator. he will feel that touch again, even if it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. 

there’s a collective sigh, and nate is pulled from his thoughts, remembering he’s not alone. the team sits behind him, like a strength he can rely on. 

“we’ll get her back.” mason pulls his third cigarette of the hour out of his mouth, his voice is full of certainty. “in the meantime, she will be fine. i know she will.” he pretends to ignore the crack in his voice. 

“do we even know where she is?” felix asks, leg bouncing uncontrollably from where he sits.

“no, there’s more of them than we thought. more than i thought.” 

felix doesn’t get to respond when the door opens. an agent steps through, mouth open, head nodding. 

nate turns to adam, and then to rebecca.

“we think we have their location.”

the agent tells them where. the forest near the beach. no one lingers around there, an old legend has it that the woods are haunted. the legend comes from truth, but the ghosts that had lived there have since been long gone. it’s secluded and dark... and not far from the warehouse. 

there’s a flash of movement, and suddenly rebecca is alone in the common room. instantly her mask falls, and she looks far older than usual. 

thus ends part 1. i really just wanna post this so... ill be breaking it up. itll only be 2 parts. the next one will be the Happy reuinion. or will it be Happy...? anyways i hope u Liked this. its a bit of practice... not my Best but i just wanted to highlight rose’s ridiculousness ..

#The Wayhaven Chronicles #twc #detective rose adler #twc detective #nate sewell #nate sewell x detective #unit bravo #the quality of this just goes down the longer you read i Am Sorry

[greywritesfics]

Chapter Three: Battle Trial

The curriculum of U.A.'s hero course felt somewhat normal. It requires regular classes like English in the morning. Lunch is held in the main cafeteria where students can buy gourmet food for reasonable prices, and then in the afternoon, they have Hero Basic Training.

Ki Minori sits at her assigned seat, waiting for the teacher to teach their last class of the day. Resting her head on her hand, she stares outside the window. The blue sky still shines as bright as it had earlier in the morning, and the clouds are still as fluffy and white as Minori's long curly hair.

Throughout the day, Minori felt eyes on her from her classmates. She was prepared for this, but it wasn't any less annoying. She tried to pay no mind to the pair of eyes boring into her head, but it came to the point that Minori had enough. Snapping her large grey eyes open, she faced the direction that she felt the most stares, connecting to a pair of green eyes wide as saucers.

Of course, she thought, the kid that's scared of her the most is staring. She fixed her eyes on him, watching as he grew three shades darker.

Minori assumed that if she had made it evident to the boy that she saw him, he would turn the other way as quickly as his blush grew, but she was wrong. The boy just stared back, mouth agape.

Roughly, Minori asked the boy, "Can I help you?"

He squeaked in response, becoming a bubbling mess and rubbed all over his arm. Minori sighed, rolling her eyes and mindlessly touched her wrist, the same one that held the discolored blemish.

As expected, Minori scoffed to herself. Not only was he staring because of her nefarious upbringing, but, also, because of the large mark that her class could've easily spotted from the Quirk Assessment. She could see the fear in his eyes. A criminal in a hero course? Laughable.

"Listen," Aizawa said, randomly appearing in the classroom from his yellow sleeping bag. "I'm only saying this once, so listen up. Stop staring your little beady eyes at Ki, it's annoying," he finishes.

Minori narrowed her eyes at his action. No one had ever stood up for her before, and he didn't hold that same look of disgust her past teachers in Thanatos had. Yes, he did look close to passing out any moment for a nap, but she could see that he held no malice towards the girl.

Why?

When All Might declared he was coming through the door like a normal person, the attention was no longer on Ki.

Still, Minori's eyes never left Aizawa's figure, even when he disappeared behind his desk, and All Might continued to speak to the class about what they'll be doing today.

It was different being treated like an actual human being. But she doubted the rest of the faculty would do the same.

Minori came back into the conversation once her class walls opened and released her classmates' costumes.

"After you change, gather in Ground Beta!" All Might said.

Minori didn't have the luxury of owning a hero costume. She was accepted at the last minute by the government, so she never had an option to ever think about an outfit. As her classmates all came out in their amazingly cool gear, Minori walked out in U.A.'s gym uniform, feeling even more out of place.

"Isn't this cape crazy?" Some sparkly blonde guy asked to no one in particular.

Oh, how badly Minori wanted the day to end already.

"Let's get started!" All Might hyped, "Most of the time, fighting villains takes place outside, but if you look at the total numbers, atrocious villains appear indoors at a higher rate. Imprisonment, house arrest, backroom deals-- in this society filled with heroes, truly intelligent villains hide in the shadows! For this class, you'll be split into villains and heroes and fight 2-on-2 indoor battles. Now listen here, the situation is that the villains have hidden a nuclear weapon somewhere in their hideout. The heroes are trying to dispose of that. The heroes need to catch the villains or get the nuclear weapon back in the allowed time. The villains need to protect the nuclear weapon for the whole time or catch the heroes."

All teams were determined by drawing lots. Minori's team included herself and Koda Koji, a tall peach-colored boy with an uneven rock-shaped head. Their opponents are Aoyama Yuga, the sparkly blonde boy, and Ashido Mina, a pink alien girl.

"The first battle was between team A, and D. A will be heroes, D will be villains. Everyone else head into the monitoring room," All Might said.

Along with her class, Minori watched the battle between Midoriya Izuku, Uraraka Ochaco, Bakugo Katsuki, and Iida Tenya unfold in front of her eyes from the screens. With a time limit of fifteen minutes, Bakugo starts with a surprise attack from the start. A collection of smoke appearing from the blonde's preemptive strike, clawing at the air to make himself visible. His sharp, crimson eyes were glaring ruthlessly down at Midoriya Izuku.

Even from where Minori stood, she could see the vein on Bakugo's forehead look as though it was about to burst from the yelling match he and Midoriya were having. Although no one could hear what they were saying, Minori just knew that this fight between them needed to happen. With so many raw emotions out in the open between the two boys, it was inevitable.

One ferocious lunge and Bakugo was hurtling towards Midoriya, and Minori watched with bated breath. The fight was seemingly too intimate to watch; she felt like she was invading their privacy. It was clear to tell that Bakugo's intention was to blow Midoriya into dust. His talent and obvious distraught kept pushing on his merciless attacks.

Minori heard her class criticize Bakugo's actions as villainous. Her eyes never leaving the screen as she watched the battle, but it was upsetting to listen to those words. No, they weren't told to her, even though she'd heard them plenty of times before, but to Bakugo. Just because someone doesn't have the best-extroverted personality doesn't mean they're evil. Can't they see that this fight has nothing to do with class?

Their battle trial ended in the heroes' victory. Midoriya's attack nearly ripped the building in half and shattered all the windows. He'd directed a swing at full power up through the roof, allowing Uraraka the opportunity to retrieve the weapon from Iida.

Minori didn't know much about Bakugo, other than the fact that he was impulsive, violent, and just overall seemed to look down on others, but what she did know for a fact was that he was strong. That's why when she saw his expression, her heart nearly sank at the depressive scene. Right now, he didn't look anything like the robust and ruthless person she made him out to be.

Bakugo's crimson eyes, which generally burned with the vigor of a thousand flames, were so subdued and vacant. His skin was so pale that he looked like he'd seen a ghost, and his bottom lip was quivering uncontrollably. From where you Minori was standing, she could see the shallow, uneven breaths he was taking in a fit of near-hysteria. He just looked so completely and utterly broken.

When it was time for the first evaluation, the dark-haired girl with the ponytail raised her hand, commenting on how everyone had performed. Concluding that Iida had done the best in the trial because he took on the role the best. While Midoriya and Bakugo acted too rashly over a personal grudge.

Minori knew she should've been focusing on the battles, but she kept glancing over Bakugo's direction. His head was slumped forward, eyes trailing listlessly across the ground. He was so zombie-like it was troubling.

If it hadn't been for her team's turn, Minori's eyes would've kept flitting over towards Bakugo's frame.

"Isn't it ironic that the daughter of Tatsumaki is playing a villain," she heard someone say, snickering.

Huffing in annoyance, Minori continued her path to the building with Koda. With five minutes to prepare for their battle, Minori decides that they should have a plan for the upcoming fight.

"Koda-san," Minori called out softly to the shy and quiet boy. She didn't want to cause the poor boy an anxiety attack, but she'd rather work with her partner than allow the battle to end before it even starts. "Are you able to get in contact with anyone? Animals? Insects?"

Minori didn't know much about Koda's Quirk, but it was rumored to have something to do with animals after their assessment test.

When she didn't hear a response, she looked back at him to see him shaking his head in response.

"Alright then, Koda-san, here's the plan. Cover the weapon while I cover you, okay? All we have to do is hold them off for fifteen minutes."

Koda gave her a nervous thumbs-up, and they got in position as they waited for their enemies. They both covered the weapon and watched the door where the two will come in from.

Getting low to the ground, she felt every molecule around her and began relaxing her limbs.

Surprisingly, Minori and Koda were given a heads up about the heroes from the heroes themselves.

"Here comes the sparkles!" Aoyama barged in the room with a shot from his large blue, sparkly laser. It only lasted a second, though, before he stopped and grabbed his stomach.

Ashido followed behind, yelling, "We made it!"

Aoyama's cape swished behind him dramatically as he carefully avoided his partner's acidic trail. All Minori could do was stare back in disbelief at the comic-like appearance.

"Stop, Villain! We've come to--" Minori swiftly kicked around her, blowing Aoyama and Ashido backward without touching them. On autopilot, Minori quickly moves her hands together in a circular motion, compressing a ball of air and throwing it towards Aoyama, cutting him off and knocking him off balance.

Unsteady, Aoyama fell onto the acidic floor that Mina had created. "Oh no, my sparkles!" Aoyama whined as his cape disintegrated before them.

"Sorry, Sorry," Ashido apologized, rubbing her hands together.

As the two heroes were distracted, Minori leaped into action. She repeated her last motion and threw another ball of air in their direction—this time trapping the two opponents, ending the battle.

Eventually, the battles finished, and everyone was sent to change out of their costumes.

"Good work, everyone. We didn't have any major injuries other than young Midoriya, either! You guys took this seriously! You all did a good job for your first training! Young Ki, good work looking after your teammate."

Minori nods in response to All Might's comment and makes her way to the locker rooms.

"You were so cool out there, Ki-san!" Minori raised her eyes from buttoning her blazer to the girl who called out to her.

"That airball thing was so cool! Can you make it again?"

Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, Minori ignored the girl's question, wondering why she's talking to her. Kindly, at that. What's this girl trying to get at?

"Oh! You know what, forget what I just said you must be tired from our battle. See you in class tomorrow!" With her hands still frozen atop of her buttons, Minori's orbs followed the back of the pink girl who had just waved her goodbye.

Dumbfounded by her encounter, she struggled to make her way towards the door, only stopping as she reaches the doorknob. Swiveling on her feet, Minori faced the blue metallic walls spaced around the area. Furrowing her eyebrows, she stepped out, the nagging feeling at the back of her head that someone was watching worsened.

As Minori made her way through U.A's seemingly endless corridors and outside, she hadn't expected to see Bakugo facing Midoriya from the main gate. Minori isn't the type to eavesdrop, so as she was about to take a step forward, Midoriya's voice rang out: "I obtained this Quirk from somebody else!" She stopped.

What did he say? It sounded so ludicrous like he was making things up, but the way his voice trembled with each imploring cry made her realize that he couldn't have been lying. It didn't make any sense to Minori-- receiving a Quirk, but she believed him.

Bakugo, on the other hand, did not. As she watched the scene in front of her, she could see the clenched fists by Bakugo's side. He was shaking, just like he had been after his loss, but it was much fiercer now, so much more resolute. He gritted his teeth, tears pooling at the corner of his bright, crimson eyes. The fire, which had been extinguished earlier, was re-lit and burning with a newfound determination.

It was strange, here he was, yelling and cursing at the top of his lungs like always, but it was more than just tasteless threats and malice for once. His words actually meant something.

The moment Minori broke out of her trance, she walked past both of the boys, acting like she hadn't heard a word. And as she walked, she realized that Bakugo is like a mass of pride, and she knew that there's nothing more fragile than a heart that's swollen to bursting.

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[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes on Robert McKee’s Story 30: How to Create Crisis in Your Story

Story design is broken down into five essential parts: (Clicking on 1 or 2 will take you to my previous posts about them if you need a refresher.)

The Inciting Incident

Progressive Complications

Crisis

Climax

Resolution

Today we have reached the final three parts, all put into one chapter in McKee’s book. They are all very important though, so I’ll be breaking Crisis, Climax, and Resolution into their own posts. And without further ado...

Crisis

Crisis means “decision.” Characters make spontaneous decisions each time they open their mouths to say “this” not “that.” In each scene they make a decision to take one action rather than the other. But Crisis with a capital C is the ultimate decision. The Chinese kanji for Crisis is two terms: 危機 Danger/Opportunity--”danger” in that the wrong decision at this moment will lose forever what we want; “opportunity” in that the right choice will achieve our desire.

In your story, your Protagonist has faced progressively difficult situations and decisions in order to achieve his desire, but now he has reached the end of the line. The Crisis is the "do or die" moment, the one that leaves your audience wondering, "How will this entire story turn out?"

From the Inciting Incident, the audience has been waiting with increasing eagerness for this scene. Take JAWS, for example. From the very moment we see the shark, we are all wondering whether they'll be able to defeat it or whether they too will lose their lives to it. The moment of Crisis in JAWS is that final fight on the boat. 

"The Crisis must be a true dilemma--a choice between two irreconcilable goods, the lesser of two evils, or the two at once that places the protagonist under the maximum pressure of his life.

The dilemma confronts the protagonist who, when face-to-face with the most powerful and focused forces of antagonism in his life, must make a decision to take one action or another in a last effort to achieve his Object of Desire."

The choice that your character makes in Crisis will give the audience the deepest view into their deep character yet and is the ultimate expression of his humanity. It will also express the story's most important value. If there's been any doubt about which value is central, as the protagonist makes the Crisis Decision, the primary value comes to the fore.

Take the first Iron Man film for example. The film is about Tony Stark learning to put others before himself. At the beginning, he is a narcissistic weapons dealer who doesn't give a damn about anyone around him. As the movie progresses, we see a shift in his choices, leaning closer to selfless actions. However, almost all of his "selfless actions," such as returning to the terrorist group that captured him and wiping them out, could also be seen as Tony wanting to exact revenge for himself. At the Crisis Moment, Tony makes the ultimate decision to take Obadiah so high up in the atmosphere that Tony's suit freezes and dies, and there is a strong chance that he will not survive. 

"At Crisis, the protagonist's willpower is most severely tested. As we know from life, decisions are far more difficult to make than actions are to take. We often put off doing something for as long as possible, then as we finally make the decision and step into the action, we're surprised by its relative ease. We're left wondering why we dreaded doing it until we realize that most of life's actions are within our reach, but decisions take willpower."

☝ Okay, time out. This paragraph had not stop and give a good hard think about myself and my life, not just stories. Thank you, Mr. McKee. 

Crisis Within the Climax

"The action the protagonist chooses to take becomes the story's consummate event, causing a positive, negative, or ironically positive/negative Story Climax. If, however, as the protagonist takes the climactic action, we once more pry apart the gap between expectation and result, if we can split probability from necessity just one more time, we may create a majestic ending the audience will treasure for a lifetime. For a Climax built around a Turning Point is the most satisfying of all."

By the time we've reached the Climax, the protagonist has reached the limit. He thinks he knows his world and knows what he must do in the last effort. He summons the last wisps of his willpower, chooses the action he thinks will achieve his desire, but his world won't cooperate. Reality splits and he must improvise. The protagonist may or may not get what he wants, but it won't be the way he expects.

The most stunning, earth-shattering example of this that immediately comes to my mind is in Avengers Endgame when Thor swings Stormbreaker at Thanos and...well, I’m sure most people know what happened.

☝ Honestly, I forgot how to breathe when I saw this the first time.

The entire movie has been building towards this--Thor has just freaking withstood the power of a SUN to forge Stormbreaker, after having lost his brother and home world and everything he loves. Everything has been building towards him getting the justice that he and the entire world so badly deserves. We are all convinced that he's going to land that hit on Thanos and the world would be saved because this is a superhero movie and the good guys always win and Thor has worked so goddamn hard for this.

--But then the gap is opened between expectation and reality, and no one gets what they expected.

Placement of the Crisis

Generally, Crisis and Climax happen in the last minutes and in the same scene.

Here are some examples of different places you can put the Crisis, taken directly from McKee's book.

THELMA AND LOUISE: At Crisis, the women brave the lesser of two evils: imprisonment versus death. They look at each other and make their crisis Decision to “go for it,” a courageous choice to take their own lives. They immediately drive their car into the Grand Canyon—an unusually brief Climax elongated by filming it in slowmotion and freeze-framing on the car suspended over the abyss.

However, in other stories the Climax becomes an expansive action with its own progressions. As a result, it’s possible to use the Crisis Decision to turn the Penultimate Act Climax, filling all of the final act with climactic action.

CASABLANCA: Rick pursues Ilsa until she surrenders to him in the Act Two Climax, saying that he must make the decisions for everyone. In the next scene, Laszlo urges Rick to rejoin the antifascist cause. This irreconcilable-goods dilemma turns the act on Rick’s selfless Crisis Decision to return Ilsa to Laszlo and put wife and husband on the plane to America, a character-defining choice that reverses his conscious desire for Ilsa. The third act of Casablanca is fifteen minutes of climactic action that unravels Rick’s surprise-filled scheme to help the couple escape.

In rarer examples the Crisis Decision immediately follows the Inciting Incident and the entire film becomes climactic action.

JAMES BOND: Inciting Incident: Bond is offered the task of hunting down an arch-villain. Crisis Decision: Bond takes the assignment—a right/wrong choice and not a true dilemma, for it would never occur to him to choose otherwise. From this point on, all Bond films are an elaborate progression of a single action: the pursuit of the villain. Bond never makes another decision of substance, simply choices of which ploys to use in the pursuit.

The great risk of placing the Crisis on the heels of the Inciting Incident is repetitiousness. Whether it’s high-budget action repeating patterns of chase/fight, chase/fight, or low-budget repetitions of drinking/drinking/drinking or lovemaking/lovemaking/lovemaking, the problems of variety and progression are staggering. Yet mastery of the task may produce brilliance, as it did in the examples above.

Design of the Crisis

Okay, so where do you put the Crisis in your story? What works best?

Even though the Crisis Decision and climactic action usually take place at around the same time at the very end of the story, it's not uncommon for the Crisis decision to occur in one location and the Story Climax to happen later in another setting. 

The value of love in Kramer vs. Kramer turns negative in the Act Two Climax as a judge awards custody to Kramer’s ex-wife. As Act Three opens Kramer’s lawyer lays out the situation: Kramer has lost, but he could win on appeal. To do so, however, he’ll have to put his son on the witness stand and make the child choose with whom he wants to live. The boy will probably choose his father, and Kramer will win. But to put a child at this tender age in public and force him to choose between his mother and his father will psychologically scar him for life. A double dilemma of the needs of self versus the needs of another, the suffering of the self versus the suffering of another. Kramer looked up and said, “No, I can’t do that.” Cut to the Climax: a walk in Central Park and a river of tears as the father explains to his son how their life will be now that they’ll live apart.

The Crisis decision must be a deliberately static moment.

This is the Obligatory Scene.

Do not put it offscreen, or skim over it.

The audience wants to suffer with the protagonist through the pain of this dilemma. We freeze this moment because the rhythm of the last movement depends on it. An emotional momentum has built to this point, but the Crisis dams its flow. As the protagonist goes through this decision, the audience leans in, wonder: “What’s he going to do? What’s he going to do?” Tension builds and builds, then as the protagonist makes a choice of action, that compressed energy explodes into the Climax.

In Summary

When you create a Crisis, make sure that it is a true dilemma that will draw out the deepest truth of your character. 

Source: McKee, Robert. Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting. York: Methuen, 1998. Print

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[sablelab]

Covert Operations - Chapter 87

DISCLAIMER: This is a modern AU crossover story with Outlander and La Femme Nikita. LFN and its characters do not belong to me nor do those from Outlander.

SYNOPSIS:  Preparations are made for a relocation of their prisoner as Karen’s suspicions about James Fraser are accurate. Can Claire leave a clue for Jamie if she is moved? Meanwhile William Ransom gives Jamie a location as to his Sassenach’s whereabouts and he hastens there to find her.

 Previous chapters can be found at … https://sablelab.tumblr.com/covertoperations

My THANKS for your continued support and comments on the previous chapter. My sincere appreciation for doing so.

CHAPTER 87

Karen was very pleased for her conversation with her father had gone well. She had sought his counsel and Sun Yee Lok had taken her recommendations about their hostage Claire Beauchamp without questioning her reasons why. She couldn't wait to implement the changes she thought were necessary concerning her captive especially as her father had given his permission for her to change the locale and deal with Claire as she saw fit. Having his approval had been gratifying and was very important as her rite of passage into the triad had been a long and arduous road. Finally, she felt as though she had passed the final test and was now a worthy member of the Rising Dragons. As Sun Yee Lok's only child, it had seemed that she always needed to prove herself to her father, but this was obviously the beginning of better things to come. It was obvious that her father now saw her as a fitting heir to the triad when the time came. Returning to where the two men were keeping watch over their detainee, Karen addressed Andy before approaching the older man. "How is our guest doing? Has anything happened?" "Nothing ... She has been quiet." "That's good. But I wonder how long it will last?" Claire Beauchamp's kidnapping had been a coup for the Rising Dragons but she was clearly not the person she proclaimed to be. Her gut instinct told her that she was trouble and those connected to her were too, so they needed to find a more secure location to question her. She was worried that Claire's whereabouts would be discovered if they didn't leave this safe house soon and turned her attention to the older man voicing the request, she'd asked her father.

"Wang Yu, our leader needs you to organize a transfer of our prisoner." 

"When do you want her moved?" "As quickly as possible." "Tonight?" he queried anticipating her reply. "Yes … if that is possible." Karen's hidden meaning was evident. "It can be arranged Kai-lin. I'll see to it right away." "Thank you, but we need somewhere less accessible than here. We are too exposed and vulnerable at this location." "I understand … I have the perfect place in mind that will be difficult to find if someone comes looking for her." Most pleased with this information. Karen divulged her father’s gratitude. "Excellent … Sun Yee Lok said you would take care of things and he was right." Wang Yu bowed his head in acknowledgement of his leader's praise then quickly left the room to organize the transfer of their "guest". Andy Ma had listened intently to the conversation that had taken place and gave Karen an understanding look before voicing his opinion. "Why the urgency to move her?" "I don't trust her boyfriend. He will certainly come looking for her and I don't want to be here when he does," she declared looking at her boyfriend with a determined stare. "We can deal with him." "He's dangerous Andy.  James Fraser is a chameleon. There is more to him than meets the eye. We saw that at the park the other day." "Yes, I agree. But we're more than a match for one man." Karen’s brow furrowed and her face had a look Andy had not seen before.  She was obviously worried about this enigmatic man. "There's something about him that's different. He had a coldness in his eyes that was chilling. That man is a killer." "Do you think he will be suspicious of our involvement in Claire's kidnapping?" "I know so. Jamie Fraser will be ruthless in his quest to find her once he knows Claire is missing, so the quicker we leave here the better. I don't want to leave any clues that could lead him to our whereabouts." Andy nodded his head in agreement of her words. "I see what you mean." He then gave her a smug look. "Do you want me to get our "visitor" ready for a transfer in that case?" "We'll wait until Wang returns … then we'll move."

Casting her eyes towards the room where cameras were monitoring Claire's every move; Karen picked up on Andy's "visitor" tag for Claire. She was anything but their visitor and she answered accordingly. "I think our prisoner will be fine until then." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Claire sat up on the bed wishing that her strength would return. It had been very quiet for some time. No one had stepped into the room and she had been left alone. The drug Steven Bonnet had injected into her had most probably been some kind of sedative to immobilise her movements, and although the drug had nearly worn off and she had better control of her faculties, she felt lethargic. Her injuries were showing some improvement and even her face didn't throb as much now, but her shoulder wound was still tender to the touch. Unfortunately, it would take longer to heal than she thought it would for when she tried to raise her arm, movement was limited.  She could only hope that she would have more mobility and strength back soon. Knowing that there was nothing she could do other than wait and see what they had in mind for her; Claire got up and began to walk around the room to get some feeling back into her legs. A little tentative at first, she soon found her balance and managed to walk without stumbling. As she passed by the monitors she looked up and stared at the camera with a defiant look on her face. Whoever was watching would know that she was not broken by their treatment. Her aim was to place doubt in their minds about their methods thus far. Claire knew she had the strength not to buckle ... but Karen didn't know that. Giving the camera another defiant glance, she completed the circuit of the room then sat back down on the bed again. Having spent enough of her energy, she needed to conserve some just in case anything happened. As she sat there, her thoughts turned to her captor Karen Yee. She had been a revelation. How quickly she had shown her true character. She chastised herself for being too trusting where her erstwhile friend had been concerned over and over, but there was nothing she could do about that now. Karen would have her comeuppance … her time would come. There was no way she had even remotely considered that she was a member of the Rising Dragons, but Karen's behaviour towards her tonight had been reminiscent of Madame Cheung who'd been a woman with a charming façade that hid the real person beneath. Was Karen as ruthless as Madame Cheung? If she was a woman in the triad it was highly probable, otherwise they would never have survived the initiation challenges to become a member. She knew then that she would need to watch her foe closely. Although she felt betrayed, it was no good beating herself up over her failure to see through Karen Yee's personality. She’d chastised herself enough since she had known Karen was involved in the Rising Dragons already. Her self-appraisal though had made her stronger and she would not allow her emotions to cloud her judgment anymore. There was also something else that perplexed Claire.

Karen was the second woman to be in this triad which was the bastion of male members. That meant that she must be someone of importance to Sun Yee Lok. Could there be a connection between the two? Was there a connection to Madame Cheung as well?

Claire's mind was wrestling with a myriad of questions to which she had only suppositions and no concrete answers.

How she wished Jamie was here. Closing her eyes, she imagined her love’s beautiful blue eyes. A faint smile touched her lips as in her mind's eye she saw her avenging angel dressed in black coming to her rescue. Jamie would be able to make more sense of her ramblings and add some authenticity to information he may already know about Karen. If she was patient, perhaps an opportunity to escape may present itself in the future. Until then, she would need her wits about her if she was to out manoeuvre Karen Yee when the time was right. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Although Claire was trapped in a situation with no obvious means of escape, what she did have was time to think. She had few options until Jamie found her, but she knew he would. If only she could contact him or Section One … but how? Her failure to do so meant that she needed to come up with a strategy that would alert Jamie to who her captors were and how she could be located. Knowing that she was being watched, Claire didn't want to draw attention to herself. She carefully rummaged around in her pocket and her hand felt something. She fingered the object suddenly realising what it was and hoped that it just might leave a clue for Jamie if he was able to find this place. It was a long shot but at least it was something. 

Jamie had trained her well and had prepared her for all contingencies. If by chance adversity befell her, then Section One knew she wouldn't crack. Claire would never betray the Section and she could weather any torture the triad might inflict. Her captors really didn't know her at all. Karen may think that she knew her, but in reality, she didn't know the inner strength that she possessed. Hence, they would always be at an impasse. Having learned to shut off her emotions when it mattered, she would do it again if needs be. Claire knew the mantra well. There was only one thing ... one person ... that could ever make her capitulate ... James Fraser, but the triad didn't know that. Nothing had happened yet and Claire began to speculate on what her captors' motives and next move would be.

 Were they trying to implicate her in misdemeanours that had befallen the Rising Dragons of late? How much Intel did they really know about her or were they having a stab in the dark? Were they trying to find a weakness in her so that she would submit?

If they were going to extract Intel from her, they would have started their interrogation by now. Hence, she assumed that they were biding their time ... perhaps they were waiting for a major player from the Rising Dragons to arrive. She had her suspicions as to why the triad was doing this and who the person may be. They couldn't afford to stay here for too long ... it was too dangerous for the triad. Jamie would certainly find her if they planned on keeping her here for some time. Karen therefore would need to start her interrogation or move her to another location. 

Little did Claire know but her captor had already organized her immediate transfer to a new locality. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Karen Yee Lok watched Claire Beauchamp on the surveillance monitors looking for anything, anything at all that would give her an edge over her captive but she just sat there. Claire was motionless and appeared calm. This was quite infuriating as she thought she would have been edgy at being detained, shot and drugged.

The woman was a mystery to her. She had nurtured and manufactured her friendship with this woman over the months and thought she knew her well, but did she really know her at all? If Claire was involved in the atrocities that had befallen the triad ... there was obviously more to her than met the eye. It was imperative that they broke her to elicit the information they knew she was hiding. Claire Beauchamp knew a lot about the Rising Dragons and she would find out just what she knew and how she was involved with Tony Wong and Madame Cheung. The truth would come out one way or another. If she couldn't get the information ... there were ways and means to make her talk. The triad took no prisoners and once they had broken her and Claire had capitulated, she would be disposed of somewhere where her body would never be found. 

Karen’s mind ceased its musings about their prisoner when she heard the sound of footsteps entering the room, and turning her head she saw who it was.  Wang Yu had returned. "Well?" 

Her one-word question was enough for his explicit reply. "It has been arranged ... we can leave within the hour." "Excellent work Wang. We'll get the prisoner ready."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

William Ransom had served his purpose.

It had been easy to extract the location where Claire was being held for Ransom had capitulated easily when he'd seen what had happened to his friend Steven Bonnet. Fearing what this man would do to him, he’d given Jamie all the information he needed as to Claire’s whereabouts as well as spilling the beans on how they had kidnapped her and why.  In retaliation, James Fraser had shown no remorse for his actions towards the man who had abducted his Sassenach and who had been complicit in her being subjected to injury. Ransom had therefore met a similar fate as his accomplice kidnapper.

Once armed with the Intel he required, Jamie knew he would be pushing to make the address where Claire was being held captive by nightfall. He had to travel from the New Territories in the north to the southernmost Peninsula of Hong Kong Island. Time was of the essence.  He had many miles to drive to get to the address where his Claire was being held captive not knowing what he would find once he got there.

 As he pushed his foot to the metal, Jamie’s main concern was that he wouldn’t be too late to rescue her before the triad tried to extract any information she may know about them.  He tried to disregard the thoughts that rushed thorough his mind as to her safety, but he knew that his Sassenach was strong and resilient. She would persevere knowing that he would move heaven and earth to rescue her. Ever determined, he vowed to do whatever it took and however long it took to find her. Claire would risk everything to save him if the situation was reversed and he could do no less for her.

He had fifteen days. He didn't want to waste one moment. James Fraser sped down the road as if he had the devil on his tail.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Claire looked up when she'd heard the sound of the door opening and watched as Karen Yee and Andy Ma entered the room. Through hooded eyes she watched as Karen spoke quietly to her boyfriend. They both looked over towards her for a brief moment, then continued their conversation. Judging by the look on their faces something was up. It looked to Claire as if they were planning how best to handle a situation that invariably concerned her.

So, they had finally come for her. Were they going to torture her for information about the Rising Dragons or were they taking her somewhere else?" 

She knew what she could do and decided to thwart their plans for her. She'd try and find out what it was that they wanted. She also needed to find an opportunity to leave the clue for Jamie. Without any shadow of a doubt whatsoever, she knew that he would have found her whereabouts by now and would be on his way to retrieve her. If she procrastinated and was indifferent for as long as possible, then perhaps she could give him extra valuable time in finding her at this location before they moved her to a new one. 

Lowering her eyes, she heard their footsteps approach then Karen's voice issued an order as she made her way over to her. "Get up Claire!" 

"Why?" "We're leaving." "Where are you taking me?" Karen eyed her with disregard. "Enough questions ... just do as you're told." "No! Not until you tell me where we are going," Claire replied defiantly. Suddenly she felt a stinging whack across her cheek. "That's not important. Get up!" Giving Karen no satisfaction that her blow had had any effect, Claire glared back at her. "Make me!" "As you wish!" Karen gestured towards Andy when it was apparent that she was refusing to comply. He stepped forward, grabbed her by the arm and roughly pulled her to her feet. When Claire began to lash out at him, Karen quickly grabbed her by the other arm. The jolt to her shoulder caused her to wince in pain. "Arrrgh!" Although mentally refusing to accept Karen's order, the effort to resist their tactics proved to be too exhausting. Physically, Claire was far too weak and was unable to overpower them for she was in a great deal of pain. She gave Karen an imploring look as they began to drag her from the room.

 "Okay ... Okay ... I'll comply. Please Karen ... my shoulder." 

Her strategy had the desired effect. Relenting, Karen released her arm but not before giving Claire an admonition. "Very well ... but if you resist again ... I will use force."

"I understand. I'll go quietly." 

Karen let go of her arm and Claire immediately lowered it placing her hand in her pocket. Her fingers curled around, then closed over the signature matches nestled in her palm. Claire stumbled while at the same time, unbeknownst to her captors, she managed to drop the matches on the floor in the corner near the bed. Karen glared at her when she tripped thinking that her prisoner was really not going to comply as she’d said she would. In retaliation Claire felt them both grip her arms firmly once again. A wry smile briefly appeared on her face, but she disguised it with another moan as Karen and Andy quickened their retreat. Preoccupied in their haste to leave, they'd failed to see what she'd done. She'd been able to leave a vital clue for Jamie. When he managed to reach this location, this small clue would lead him to put two and two together and realise that someone from The Triangle nightclub was involved in her capture. Jamie would know it could only be Karen, Andy Ma or Jonathon Randall who was implicated in her kidnapping and detainment. Armed with this Intel ... he would act accordingly. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The address William Ransom had divulged was in the beautiful seaside fishing village of Stanley. Located on the isthmus of Hong Kong Island's southernmost headland, it was a sleepy, beach hollow famous for its covered market and Dragon Boat races. Although Jamie had driven like the wind, it had taken him many hours to drive from the north of the country to Stanley. But he didn't care; he had only one purpose in mind ... to rescue his Sassenach, Claire. William had said that she was in a residential area behind the Temple of the Queen of Heaven and Protector of Seafarers ... the Tin Hau Temple. It was here that Jamie hoped to find something concrete with which to start or indeed end his search for Claire. His wish was that, she would still be there, but if not, perhaps she may have been able to leave a clue as to her whereabouts if she'd been moved. 

Jamie drove along Stanley Beach Road and headed into the fishing village. At Stanley Market Road, he passed the large open-air marketplace well known for its bargains. There were many stalls selling ready made clothing such as silk garments and traditional Chinese dress. Further on people were milling around the many toys available, while arts and craft ornaments, luggage and souvenirs were well patronized. It was a popular destination for both tourists and locals alike drawn there by the cheap goods that would usually fetch a much higher price elsewhere. Keeping a keen eye on the people as he passed, James Fraser scanned the faces looking for one that he might recognise, but alas to no avail. Heading west he drove down Stanley Main Street close to Stanley Bay, where a host of western style bars and restaurants lined the waterfront. Many people were enjoying the ambiance of the picturesque scenery of the sea front while cultivating an atmosphere of European panache by al fresco dining on the pavement in the evening air. Cruising along the main road he was vigilant. Jamie scrutinized the diners as he drove slowly past looking for those familiar faces he would never forget. Thinking that he saw a couple dining that looked like Andy Ma and Karen Yee, he slowed down to make sure. When they glanced his way, he sped up again realising he'd been mistaken. The couple were not who he was looking for. Driving to the outskirts of the city, Jamie then headed towards the Tin Hau Temple, one of the oldest temples in Hong Kong. This was the time of the year for the Tuen Ng Festival in the region. As he came closer, he saw many of the local population gathered around the shrine while others were congregating at the temple with candlelight. There appeared to be some sort of pilgrimage to the Goddess of the sea. It was a tradition of the fishermen and their families to make wishes to Tin Hau in order to protect them from dangerous seas and to reward them with a bountiful catch. The locals were also obviously praying for success in the Dragon Boat Championship races that were held at Stanley Main Beach each year to celebrate the festival. It was to his advantage that so many of the locals were at the temple tonight. His movements in his search for Claire would now go unobserved while so many people were occupied elsewhere. James Fraser drove on to the huge residential estate behind the temple. This area was of importance to him, for it was here, somewhere, that his brave Sassenach was being held hostage by the triad. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Claire Beauchamp had been taken to a private airstrip.

Another man, who they'd called MacNab had accompanied Karen, Andy and Wang Yu to the airstrip where a helicopter was waiting for their arrival. From what Claire could gather Mr Yu appeared to be Sun Yee Lok's right-hand man and someone Karen trusted and turned to for guidance. However, the relationship between him and Karen surprised her. Once again, her suspicious were roused. Judging by the way they reacted to each other, it appeared as if Karen was someone of importance in the triad. This was a revelation to her for up until now; Karen had not been as assertive as she had shown tonight. The woman was a chameleon. Just who was she? Claire wondered. 

Hovering on the heliport, the rotor blades of the helicopter quickly picked up momentum as their car drove over to the waiting aircraft. Once the vehicle had stopped, Ronald MacNab bundled Claire out of the vehicle and into the helicopter. Wang Yu remained on the tarmac for a brief moment and spoke to Andy and Karen before he too entered the helicopter. He buckled himself in next to Claire with Ronald flanking her on the other side. Wang then signalled to the pilot they were ready. Once the passengers were all inside, Wang Yu closed the door and the helicopter readied for take-off. Claire was unsure of what was going on especially when Karen and Andy did not enter the aircraft. Swiftly the pilot took off ascending into the darkness. Claire managed to see the silhouettes of the two people who were left behind on the asphalt watching as the helicopter flew south over the sea to a new destination. Inside the aircraft, she knew that she would just have to have the fortitude to withstand whatever they had planned for her. Claire had great faith that Jamie would move swiftly once he had something to go on and it wouldn't be too long until he found her. She also vowed to try her comm. unit once again in the hope that this time it would work. She could then contact Section One so that they could finally trace her location. Until then she would sit tight to conserve her strength until the morning and whatever may befall her. Things could be better in the light of day ... but then again ... perhaps not.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ to be continued

#Jamieandclairefanfic #jamie and claire #outlander fanfiction #outlander au #jamieandclaireau #jamie x claire crossoverau outlander-LFN covertoperations #jamieandclairecrossover #James Fraser #claire beauchamp

[vicscratchpages]

Eml Writes His Name (Part 4)

(Part One) (Part Two)  (Part Three) 

Tu’l reached across the table to offer her hand to Eml’s.  Years ago, she had cautioned her own mate against claiming a bright little child as his own.  Although she had felt some of his earnestness then, it was something entirely different to be swept up in the tempest of her own passions.  Perhaps this was the equivalent of a maternal or paternal instinct, delayed by her and her mate not having biological or adopted children of their own. Tu’l doubted the truth was anything as simple as that.  Eml’s presence in their family, Koteh’s deep adoration for the boy, the mutual respect and interests the two shared—these were more than fortunate coincidences.  

Eml blinked in surprise, but placed his own hand in hers.  She squeezed his fingers but said nothing.  It is a silent promise that she will not lie to him or misguide him.  It is a quiet challenge for him to believe that there is good in him and he is worthy of love.  Do not hide from yourself, she wished to say.  We see the good in you, and you should too. She couldn’t tell him that though.  Not using those words.  

“Thank you.”  Eml pressed her fingers in return.  “For taking the time…to teach me all of this.”

Tu’l smiled, her face placid compared to the ferocity with which she swore herself to his protection and instruction.  I don’t want to possess her, her mate had said so many evenings ago.  I want to invest in her—I want to show her all the opportunities and then let her choose as she wishes.  Nothing is off-limits for her.  Her mate was perhaps more relaxed now, but still every bit as proud.  Knowing the Princess at all was its own sort of honor, and the same applied to Eml as well.

“No time spent with you is wasted.”  

Tu’l gave his fingers one final squeeze and then put the pen to paper, testing out the spelling of Eml’s name with her own hand.  She traced over the letters again, back to front, and then beginning to end.  She set the pen down, humming a little at the forward slant to the M.  Yes, Eml was nearly as eager and earnest as Koteh.  They were well-matched, in more ways than they might imagine.  

“You don’t need my approval,” she told Eml.  “But I like what you’ve chosen.  It feels as hopeful as you.”

“Me?”

From the corner of her eye, she could see the blush rising in Eml’s face.  Chastising himself, perhaps, for being so obtuse.  Worried that he was a terrible student, although that is the furthest thing from the truth.  

Tu’l skipped a few lines on the page.  She wrote his name in carvings again.  Moving over an inch, she wrote the backwards E and two of the sings.  Underneath that, she wrote a second line with four symbols: concepts and signs in alternating order.  Nudging the paper over so Eml could study it with ease, Tu’s sat with him in silence for several minutes.  

“What do you think?”

“I have the hills,” Eml murmured.  “But just the one.  Just the one hill.”

The note of resignation in the boy’s voice was as somber as if he had discovered he had failed an important assignment halfway through a term.  Perhaps there was still hope to bring the grade up some, but that poor mark could not be erased.  Oh, the wonders you will discover…  But she could not push.  She could not rush.  

“I remember this one too.” Eml tapped at the first symbol in the second line of his name.  “The wall between the two circles.”

“What about the first line?”

At Aunt Tu’l’s prompting, Eml’s gaze shifted.  The tension smoothed out of his face immediately, replaced with an easy smile. This was the face he wore to the rest of the world, the beautiful grace which he never saw in himself.  

“You were—you’re right. It feels hopeful.”

The boy’s words turned hoarse, and he cleared his throat.  Tu’l put an arm around the boy’s shoulders, sitting with him a while.  Eml was smiling despite the tears leaking through his lashes.  Tu’l felt the boy’s breath catch a few times before he managed to speak around the emotion that pressed like a warm stone against his chest.  

“It reminds me of sunsets. Of the hills in Myrdaven and spending time with Koteh in Songwood and—and peace.  Peace and wonder.”

This time the sigh was not resigned, but contented.  Eml raised a hand to wipe at his face, laughing a little even as a few more tears fall.  He had never imagined there would be such a place for him as this.  Yet it was both place and person, because Koteh had become home for him.  

After taking a few more moments to steady himself, Eml sat up a little straighter and studied the first line of his name.  Tu’l let her arm fall away, happy to give him space to acquaint himself with the symbols on the page.  It would take longer for him to accept that he was allowed and worth the pure feelings of joy the symbols evoked.  

For the time being, he would focus on trying to help others feel relaxed and at ease.  It’s alright to let yourself a little closer. Magic could bite, of course.  Reaching for a measure of understanding was never without its challenges. But Tu’l had great faith in what Eml might discover in himself.  

“Do you recognize the Signs?” Tu’l asked him.  

“Here in this first line?”

Tu’l nodded.

“The halo is the Sun, right? And the little note, the music note—that’s the Song.”

“Something tells me you could recite all eighteen of the Signs, if asked.” Tu’l looked at him, a hint of a smile on her face.  “And draw them too.”

Eml opened his mouth, but realized he had neither a protest nor a prompt reply.  

“Here’s a different question: which of the Ways do you think those Signs might belong to?”

Tu’l slid three cards out of the consideration deck and set them face up on the table.  Eml glanced at her, eyes wide.  He as much better at navigating challenges than he imagined.  Tu’l had offered the question mainly as an encouragement to have him study his name more closely.  

“Don’t worry about the names, just yet.  Just looking at the rune for each Way, how do you think the ones in your name might match up?”

For reference, she drew the corresponding Signs from the deck and placed them on the table as well. A halo—the Sun.  The quarter note for the Song.  Another halo, but this one was tilted at a forty-five degree angle.

“That’s the Moon—and the Stars!”

Tu’l nodded as she laid out the final card. Eml hunched over the cards, trying to recall…  Blacksmith society—or what he had experienced of it—was far more polite than the military camps and renegade missions he’d taken on in his teens.  There was no history of attacks, coups, or aggressive regimes.  Gylraden was not a place of soldiers and rebels, not a place of distraught mothers and desperate fathers and distant sons and dangerous daughters.  

Eml recalled, upon his first visit to Myrdaven, thinking that the Songwood Forest made a natural defense against attackers.  Hidden against the belly of a mountain, Gylraden was equally protected by nature.  Koteh had told him that Kolraven was cradled in desert canyons.  Such convenient defenses could make a people complacent, but Eml thought Blacksmith society operated on a fundamentally different system of values than did his own country.  

Eyeing the cards in front of him, Eml wondered what it was, exactly, that Blacksmiths did consider to be dangerous.  His gaze stuck on the red rune, a twist of circles that almost looked like an eye.  Koteh had been hesitant to speak openly of magic, insofar as its particulars.  There were the general allusions, hints to it everywhere—and something about the Signs Tu’l had pulled finally aligned.  Sun, moon, and stars!  A phrase that could express dismay or delight.  

Was that how people encountered him?  A chill trickled down his neck, closing his throat as memories came unbidden to his mind. Memories that were sharp and indistinct, like an odor one couldn’t place.  That taste in the back of his mouth was thick and bitter.  He swallowed anyway—take your medicine—and better thoughts surfaced.

Like the light in Koteh’s eyes when he got excited about their adventures for the day.  Like the grin that seemed to perpetually widen when Eml told Koteh anything about his day.  Like the bubble of joy that rose in him whenever Koteh took his handor kissed his cheek—which was nearly constantly, whenever they were together.  Delight.  Darling. Dearest.  Daisy.  Only four of Koteh’s nicknames for him, and there were a score more.  Could he really be all those things?  

Part 5

#to be continued #eml writes his name #eml stories #eml and koteh #learning the signs #this one was a bit longer #but i hope you enjoyed it! #stay tuned!!! #more next week

[queenoflightningpoet]

Character sketch

This is a little different than my normal poetry and a lot longer. I wrote it for class and wanted to share it here. Tw for physical abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. 

!!!

Our middle school had stricter rules than my house. Their unofficially Catholic values were underlined in every class. The most hilarious and absurd rules of this institution included but were not limited to: no boots (too informal for footwear), no gelled hairstyles (spikes are of the devil), no scarves, and failure to recite the pledge of allegiance everyday would result in suspension. This was the world I was thrown into. The kind of place a Mormon girl is sent in the urban sprawl to avoid the public middle school. According to my mother the reason for this was a pregnant seventh grader at the public middle school, but I fear the problems at my school was just as bad if not better kept secrets.

We went there together, best friends fresh out of elementary school. She stood next to me, about a half inch taller for the first four years of our friendship until my legs came in violently. Her deep brown hair shone and glistened under private school fluorescent lights. She strutted around in pleated navy skirts and white polos, her eyes always hunting for someone new. While she was sweet and delicate looking, her almond eyes snapped from person to person, just searching for a weakness to exploit. That was why I had liked her in the beginning.

Her name was Jen. She stuffed her ego with the people she let get close, people like me. Her slender hands always seemed to find my wrist in the crowds at assemblies, our arms linking as we sat by each other. She reminded me of a tiger. Her calculated protection and subsequent friendships seemed strategic. When I would ask her about it, she would pull a sucker out of her mouth, lips stained purple, and say “No need to worry about that.”

She had a knack for power, even in middle school when our knees were dirtier than our hands. She would find out secrets just by looking and in turn she would trade one of theirs for one of hers. It was a sort of preteen binding ritual. They were inextricably linked from then on. Her hordes of friends grew over our years in that Febreze clean school, but only she was allowed to be my friend. Anytime anyone would look at me in a slightly friendly way she would beat them off with an arm around my bony shoulders or a sneer that would show off her exaggerated canines. I began swallowing my opinions like the school’s slimy canned peaches.

She would come to school with bruises. Some from ballet class, pushing herself too hard. Others were from her Russian dance teachers. A smaller number she would cover with her hand and shrug, her sharp smile accompanying a weak excuse. I quickly learned the size of her father’s fingers by the bruises that looked like pinches. I could draw the size of her ballet instructor’s cane by the hyphenated bruises on the back of her thighs that were three inches too big for his standards. Her feet were a scarred mess, toenails always falling off and sores that never healed.

In her darkened bedroom, one blanket pulled over us both, she used to tell me about the punishments she got for having blood seep through the pink satin of her pointe shoes. Her arms would tighten around my waist as I combed her hair with my fingers. Her hushed voice stuttered over the timed stretches and literal lashes she received for being unable to prevent a red stain. My softer body shuddered at what she had endured, my dancer’s feet only slightly better looking than hers. She would stroke a hand down my back eliciting a shiver before pinching my side lightly and saying goodnight, kissing me on the forehead.

She was a sealed box to all but me. Something I would one day wish I had never opened. Perhaps it had something to do with me taking care of her in school when she had first arrived from Korea. Her English was spotty, her white mother tried her best to get her Korean baby to wrap her small lips around softer sounds but only got confused staring. For those first years, I took care of her. I was her shield from teachers and students alike. Maybe it was her way of repaying the favor, cutting me off from anyone who tried to be my friend. Maybe she didn’t know how to love after her family’s litany of punishments for slights and her ballet instructor’s cane and constant body shaming. Or maybe after all she had endured, she enjoyed hurting someone who trusted her so completely.

As she grew, she became more beautiful. And she used it to her advantage, dating boys who would get her bootleg test answers for a cherry lip gloss kiss. It was first here, in seventh grade that I learned she was growing bored of me. It was when her boyfriend Nate touched and groped my butt, tripping me to look up my skirt, stealing my water bottle and selling it back for a kiss. She would stand by and laugh, looking at me like I was doll for her to play with as she wished. Nate had a different kind of doll in mind, but before his fun she would whisk me off to my house and give me makeovers. She dressed me, did my hair and makeup, and made me promise to wear it for the rest of the day.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, I stripped and returned to my natural state of tomboyish hues and low maintenance hair. Her taste for pink and perfect curls left a raw taste in my mouth, my opinion counting about as much as hers always did in her parents’ house. It was at this point that I started having dreams of abandoning her. Jen often told me what to do, and most of the time I said yes. But the rare times I would look at her black Pumas and say no, she would lift my chin with her finger and glare at me.

“Do it or I’ll tell my mom you don’t need a ride home. I’ll leave you behind and let you find your own way back. I think you’d make it before dark. Maybe Nate will walk you home.” She would speak like I was her disobedient child. I would grit my teeth and do as she asked, my heart pounding in my chest. It was because of her that my first panic attack started a wild chain of obeisance and obedience. Opportunities to choose for myself came few and far between. She started ending most sentences with “Tell anyone and I’ll kill you. I know where my dad keeps his hunting knife.”

That would make my heart stutter no matter if it was the fourth time I had heard it that day. At the same time, I didn’t think I could ever leave her. We needed each other. I thought it was better that she hurt me instead of another. I thought she would keep me awake when I drifted into an anxiety attack. I asked her to hurt me if it was what she wanted to hear. I feared her more than God, her influence had wormed its way deep into my life. I saw her every day for almost four years, my fear and love for her growing with each encounter.

As she grew in popularity, she isolated me often leaving me in the company of her boyfriend of the week. These encounters either ended in fist fights delaying sexual harassment or muscle flexing competitions. This isolation lead to the school’s prime rumor that year: that I was a lesbian in love with my best friend (it’s still funny to me that the worst insult in middle school was “lesbian”). While I was in love with her, the lesbian part was incorrect.

Jen’s family life continued to pound her body and she often used makeup to cover her bruises and cuts. I was always there holding the antiseptic and tissues for her inevitable breakdown. After bandaging her up, I would let her take out some of her aggression on me. I thought it would help her to not blow up in school. I reassured her she was beautiful, and she told me she wanted to kill me. I guess you could say we were both toxic. We both had reasons to cry and hurt each other, but when it came down to it, we always fell back on each other for comfort. Honestly, I’m not sure if I miss her or want to watch her be beaten to death with her teacher’s cane. Either way, I’m sure I deserve the same.

#abuse tw #poetry #my poetry #personal rant #rant assignment

[kissmeaboutit]

Fic recs part 1

The Intern- https://archiveofourown.org/works/979988/chapters/1929352#main

Armin was convinced that it was the opportunity of a lifetime, but Eren just saw it as just another chance to fail. Nothing good could possibly come out of an internship in a stuffy office at Survey Corporation. Eren would have been content to sit and watch the remainder of his senior year pass him by. However, after one elevator trip, Eren finds himself questioning everything he thought he knew about life and himself.

Tentative Bliss- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131646/chapters/2286009

In the D/s community, a contract is the agreement between the Dom and sub: It outlines the structure, expectation, rules, and limitations of the temporary relationship. After Eren nervously signs one with his new Dom, Levi, they both have a month to decide if they're right for each other and to see if Eren can fit in the household without clashing with the others. Although, Eren is a little surprised by Armin's kindness and Levi's actual objective...

1994- https://archiveofourown.org/works/875756/chapters/1683367

Before cell phones. Before the Kardashians. Before internet porn. The year is 1994. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, poor kids from the wrong side of the tracks, have been transferred with the rest of their neighborhood to the posh, uptown Trost High (Home of the Titans). Mikasa and Armin seem to fit in well enough, but Eren isn't quite so lucky. Of course, most of this has to do with Eren's personality. When he accepts a bet to lose his virginity (and actually prove that someone likes him) by the end of the semester, it's hard for him to deny the improbability of winning. After all, the only one he seems to be talking to these days is the weirdly pretty (and just plain weird) goth working at the donut shop down the street...

Louder Than Words- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1810396/chapters/3885151

My boyfriend, Eren Jaeger, disappeared ten days before his seventeenth birthday.

Six months later, he was found again, completely intact save for his mental and emotional scars. Oh, and the fact that he would never be able to speak again.

And so, we all started to rebuild from the debris that had been left in the destruction of our lives.

Little Titan Cafe- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032582/chapters/2057524#main

Just another cliche AU in which Eren works as a barista in his mother’s café, specializing in latte art. And then there’s Levi, who’s not exactly your typical patron, because, well, he’s blunt and rude (which Eren supposes isn’t that much different from regular customers) but mostly he just confuses Eren’s poor little homosexual heart.

Chasing Summer- https://archiveofourown.org/works/4059769/chapters/9136579

Two more weeks left before Levi Ackerman graduates from high school and leaves the small town of Shiganshina. He can't wait for the moment that he can finally put that dreadful town behind him. But when a Grisha Jaeger becomes the new family doctor, bringing along his ill son that breathes new life into the town he desperately wants to escape, will Levi find a reason to stay?

A Forged Wedding- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1557026/chapters/3301223

Modern AU, based off of the Japanese game: "I... Don't think I heard you right. What did you just ask me, Rivaille?" "I'm asking you to marry me for a month. How did you not hear me right?" (Rated M for later chapters, mentions of other pairings, more warnings inside)

Don’t Let Your guard down- https://archiveofourown.org/works/5440217/chapters/12572078

Eren and his adopted sister were raised in an extremely Christian household and as a result, are very ignorant to the world around them. And there's one big problem with that. Eren is gay and has been hiding it from everyone since he realized it, out of fear of his homophobic father and other people finding out. One day he feels tested religiously when he meets some eccentric people as a result of him drawing attention to himself by exhibiting his athletic abilities. Little does he know, he drew their attention because they are all apart of their school's color guard team and are desperate for a new member. He's hesitant to join, however, it may not be his choice to accept the offer after all.

Trost Landing- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1622420/chapters/3458933

After a fire devastated their apartment, Levi and Eren move into a new housing community on the outskirts of town. However, after a little while, things don't turn out as happily-ever-after as they had planned.

A voice from the rubble- https://archiveofourown.org/works/5014987/chapters/11525746

It all just took 30 seconds. Thirty seconds that kept replaying in my mind over and over again, the details so vivid. Thirty seconds that would change my life forever.

Thirty seconds earlier we had all been safely tucked up in bed. Shiganshina Lodge was my home, my family was visiting for the holidays; it had now become our tomb.

Shiganshina District had been a second home to all of us ever since I was born. I know this place. I know its beauty... I'm now learning its terror.

OR: Eren's trapped in a landslide and Levi's the paramedic that finds him.

Freedom of the press- https://archiveofourown.org/works/3261971/chapters/7113611

Eren is just an ordinary college student, wondering how long he can put off his art projects and if it's possible to live off of only ramen and mac 'n cheese. Oh, and if his medical alert bracelet is really necessary, because honestly, it shouldn't be. His part time jobs as a barista and a photographer for a major newspaper help pay the bills, but when he gets assigned the task of photographing the upcoming professional soccer match, he can't believe his luck. He has been given permission to legally stalk his idol, center forward for the Scouts, Levi Ackerman!

Levi Ackerman is a famous soccer player, and the object of millions of girls' and guys' wet dreams. For Levi, the life of a celebrity is nothing to complain about. He can walk into any bar and leave with his choice of men to take home. And with a sexual appetite that can rival that of a porn star, this is a benefit of stardom he takes full advantage of. The only problem is, it's hard to keep secrets when constantly under a spotlight. What the world doesn't know is that he's gay, and he's determined to keep it that way. Levi struggles to keep his deep, dark secret out of the public knowledge, but a certain green-eyed brat is making that exceptionally difficult.

Both sides of the same coin- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1966659/chapters/4255494

Eren is a werewolf, captured by humans for experiments, and wakes up in a cell that he soon realizes he's sharing with a vampire. The two work together to get out of their unpleasant prison but the price for their freedom may end up being too high. How will they cope with the consequences of the choices they have made?

Help Me Stand- https://archiveofourown.org/works/934319/chapters/1818776

Eren's best childhood friend and high school boyfriend, Armin, dies in a car accident in which Eren had been the one at the wheel. Unable to keep from blaming himself, life itself becomes agonizing for Eren and he turns to the more negative side of coping mechanisms. Eventually, he meets a college student named Levi who seems like he has it all figured out, just to discover that they have more in common than he thought. Modern!AU.

Also, Levi has a motorcycle because it was definitely necessary.

Make You Feel My Love- https://archiveofourown.org/works/4863482/chapters/11146277

Levi is Trost's strongest soldier, he's Captain of the Special Ops Squad and he's also the only chance Trost has to end their long war with Maria. Eren is Maria's Prince, he's beloved and respected by all of his people, he's also the only hope Maria has to survive their long struggle against Trost.

What neither of them expected was an arranged marriage to try and solve all their problems. Fun fact: it doesn't.

A World Of Our Own- https://archiveofourown.org/works/2632715/chapters/5875388

Eren wasn't happy knowing his whole life that he'd have to be forced into an arranged marriage, but finding out that his fiance is one of the richest, most famous heirs of the modern age wasn't exactly helping. All about the struggles of being forced into a modern day arranged marriage.

And Eren being a little shit in the process. Cause he's a brat.

The Music Room- https://archiveofourown.org/works/5043655/chapters/11596453

Levi Ackerman resides in a facility for the terminally ill, angry and bitter toward the world for being stripped of his life before he's even allowed to live it. He keeps to himself and in fact shuns any kind of social interaction with anyone. That is, until he stumbles upon the music room, inhabited only by a cancer-ridden teenager who's just as lonely as he is.

Leave your Lover- https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062431/chapters/4482963

Levi is a 30 year old divorced Chef who works at his best friend's restaurant.

An ex military Sergeant, Levi lives his life according to a strict routine. One day, his strict schedule is thrown off when a mysterious cat makes it's way into his apartment from the open Balcony. When Levi hears it's owner knocking on his door, he wasn't aware that his life would be turned upside down and all because of this boy standing in his doorway with the biggest, brightest green eyes he'd ever seen and his name is Eren Jaeger.

The story in which Levi doesn't know he's gay and is in denial about it until a certain bright eyed boy moves in next door and steals his heart. The only problem is... he's got a boyfriend.

Comment On... - https://archiveofourown.org/works/7897357

Levi has come a long way since he started writing fanfiction, but there's always been that one reader who's stuck by him since the beginning. A fanartist for his fanwriter who goes by the name of Jaegermeister. After months of talking back and forth in the comments of AO3 one of them finally becomes brave enough to send a message on Tumblr that takes their conversations to a whole new level.

Promises Travel-

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5524034/chapters/12751232

One promise could lead to more.  

And for Levi, he intended to keep every one of them no matter where Eren may be.

A Place for Hearts To Rest- https://archiveofourown.org/works/7189850/chapters/16318364

Levi is Eren's captain, and Eren assumed it would always be that way. Captain and subordinate, the way it was meant to be. But, when Eren's heat hits and the two can't resist each other, will the change be for the better, or the worse? Especially with the extraordinary circumstances that follow. There were orders they were meant to follow, rules that were not meant to be broken, and repercussions that would be dire, but no one can withstand the battering of wild instincts indefinitely and even taciturn captains sometimes have slip ups.

Only with the help of their friends are they able to come to terms with the sticky situation they'd managed to get themselves into. But, will it be enough to save them?

[lokis-lady-death]

Chapter 15 Train Her

Loki/Thanos

Writer Post: Like, comment, reblog and follow for updates! Your love keeps me going <3

Here’s the Masterlist so you can stay caught up!

Chapter 15

Train Her

“Again!” Rey barked at you. “I can still see the strain in your face. This is to become second nature to you.”

You let out a sharp huff but did as you were instructed. For the fifteenth time, you took a deep breath, let yourself float into a cross legged position and levitated. The breath slowly left your chest as you felt every muscle in your body tense while you managed to lift the table beside you. Another slow breath and the bed followed.

That was your first day of training.

Now, five days later, Rey had you training to push your newfound powers to their limits. Invisibility, levitation, and telekinesis had become second nature to you, using it daily to move through the ship without any suspicion. You stopped escaping the bedroom to avert any unnecessary attention. The last thing you needed now was Thanos catching you outside of your room again. You had managed to revisit the Grandmaster only once more, going over your plan to help Loki escape and having him help test your strengths. Upon hearing you declare that you intended to destroy the infinity stones, he was hesitant but you assured him it would work. You told him through the training you were receiving you would be fine, but in all reality, you didn’t believe it yourself.

The stronger you became, the less you were able to communicate with Death until finally she no longer appeared in your visions. And that was what scared you the most. You were becoming more and more complete with every session. Once you were strong enough, you knew you would have a small window of opportunity to destroy the stones.

Which left Loki. You had visited the god of mischief once since you spoke to him about the stones to let him know the next time you saw him, the two of you would be escaping. He was nervous and apprehensive but you assured him that you had a plan. One he didn’t need to know all the details of.  

Rey was going over a lesson of power concentration, which mainly consisted of you focusing your power externally creating a light through your palms. It seemed simple enough but the light was blinding and wild, hard to control. You knew this was the final step before Thanos would ask you to cleanse the stone. This was the level he needed you to reach in order to fulfil your purpose.

‘But I won’t let it happen.’

When the lesson was complete, Rey walked out the door and met with Thanos. You could see the two of them speaking just outside the doorway which always made you nervous. Was Rey saying you were ready? Was he about to ask you to test yourself on the stone? You sat at the table and tried to look less neurotic, failing spectacularly. You hands fiddled with your dress, pulling the material into bunches on your thighs and flattening it back out again. A habit you developed since you began plotting against Thanos. A habit you hoped he hadn’t noticed.

You tried not to jump when his gloved hand landed on your shoulder. “Rey says you have done well today, little one.”

Shifting uncomfortably, you argued, “I could have been better.”

“Nonsense,” he said softly, ushering you out of the chair. “You have blossomed beautifully.” The two of you walked in relative silence to the Oasis, to eat dinner.

You were nonchalantly moving your food around with your fork, deep in thought, running over the day’s instruction. Power concentration. Pouring powers out of your body was most likely the best way to destroy the stones, perhaps concentrating them through your fingertips instead of your palms would allow more than one channel. If you practiced it again tomorrow, you might be able to….

“Y/n?”

Thanos’s voice was louder than usual, causing you to drop your fork. When you looked up and saw him sitting with his elbows on the table, fingers folded together, it dawned on you he must have been talking while you were lost in thought.

“I’m sorry,” you said, “What were you saying?”

His head tilted to the side as he asked, “What is on your mind, little one?”

Your chest tightened, but you cooly answered, “Just running over what Rey taught me today.” You mindlessly rubbed your forefinger and thumb together under the table, imagining the feeling of sparks forming and setting off a detonation. The stones could be destroyed, and it was only a matter of time.

That’s when it hit you. Like a thousand bricks came down to crush you, you realized something that hadn’t crossed your mind until now. You were so willing to sacrifice yourself in order to destroy the infinity stones, it didn’t resonate with you that in doing so, the explosion would most likely kill the titan as well. You felt a lump swell up in your throat. Could you kill Thanos?

His eyes narrowed though he didn’t press the matter more. The two of you went on with idle conversation and you knew he was taking more notice of your strange behavior. Since your last argument about cleansing the soul stone, you did your best not to test his limits. You took your lessons with Rey without a word and tried to maintain the same demeanor as before so as no to draw attention to yourself.

But Thanos wasn’t easily tricked. He could tell something was different about you. You hardly smiled, you barely spoke unless pressed, and you only took a few bites of your meals. Since cleansing the stone had been put into the equation, he knew you had become more distant. All he could do was continue on and hope once the process was complete you would understand and appreciate all of the work he had done for you.

The walk back was just as quiet until the door shut behind you. Thanos grabbed your shoulder, swinging you around to face him. Before you could process what he was doing, he took you in his arms and kissed you for the first time in days. A wave of emotions washed over you, realizing that any day now you would have to implement your plan and there was a real chance that Thanos would in fact die by your hand. The pain was too much to bear. You lost yourself to the passion, instinctively clinging to his shoulders, pulling him closer. Without letting you go, Thanos laid you both across the bed, his mouth still on yours, as his hands worked the fastenings of your dress.

If only for tonight, you would give in completely to your titan.

The next day, you were surprised to find Thanos still in bed with you. Lately he had been up well before you but this morning, he was still nestled up behind you, his face buried in your hair and his arms holding you tightly against him. You took one of his massive hands in yours, tracing the thick brings along his fingertips.

Tears began to swell up in your eyes. ‘Can I really do this?’ you asked yourself, feeling the pain in your chest as you questioned your own resolve. ‘Can I kill him?’ The lives you had lived before, burned inside of your mind, were still as vivid as ever, showing images of the two of you in love, embracing, kissing, making love, but also those of his brutality, snapping your neck, subjecting you to torture, strangling the life out of you. Tears fell freely down your cheeks while your fingers wrapped around his, giving it a tight squeeze. You loved him. You knew you did, no matter what. But he had to be stopped.

After Thanos left, you and Rey began you lessons, working for hours on hours. He demanded you show your skill, again and again, forming the light between your palms until it had numbed your hands.

“You may take a break,”  Rey instructed.

“No!” you barked back, “I can get this!”

Making the energy manifest out of your body was hard enough but holding it for the amount of time Rey deemed necessary was causing a sensation in your limbs like a millions ants crawling across your skin. Sweat trickled down your forehead and your legs quivered under the pressure. Finally he said enough and the light dissipated and you fell to your knees.

‘This has to become easier,’ you scolded yourself, ‘This is what I need to perfect for my plan to work.’

“Enough!” Rey was at your side and jerked you back onto your feet. You panted and shook your head.

“No, I can keep going.”

“If you keep going, you will do more harm than good.” Probably the first time Rey had ever shown any sympathy for you. He dragged you to the table and set you down with a glass of water.

Once he was sure you were alright, he excused himself. The table held food brought for lunch hours ago, food you knew you needed but could barely make yourself look at. With a sigh, you held a hand up and levitated a piece of fruit to you.

‘Easy.’

With a flick of the wrist, you sent it slamming into the wall. You levitated another piece and sent it into the bathroom, controlling it from the other room. Bringing it back to you, you snatched it out of the air and took a bite. Chewing, you mulled over ideas of how you would get the gauntlet from Thanos. That would be the biggest challenge. Mid chew, you eyed the bedroom door. On the other side you knew there were soldiers stationed. Soldiers with weapons. You swallowed. Without seeing the weapons, could you call them to you? And if so how strong was your reach?

You turned to face the door completely, lifting out of your chair, floating with your legs crossed. Clearing your mind, you could feel at least one. A spear. You were sure of it. You strained for a moment, trying to wrap your mind's eye around the object. You could hear the men begin to realize something was amiss.

Letting out a calmed breath, you urged the spear to you. The clanks of all the spears rained on the door and the men outside began to curse in confusion.

‘Come,’ you beckoned. Without noticing, the door to your room had opened and a sea of spears came hurling at you. Your eyes shot open, a cold sweat enveloping you. The door was open but the men were not by it. You stood, looking around puzzled as the spears came closer. Holding a hand out, you rushed your powers to your fingers and felt a sharp pain like electric currents come through, turning the weapons to dust.

Rey and Thanos came running. “What has happened here?” Rey barked at the men cowering in the hall.

“We don’t know!” one cried out.

“Our weapons slammed into the door and it…. opened!”

Thanos came in to find you, standing dumbfounded beside the ashes. “Was this you?” he asked.

Your eyes were wide, your jaw dropped. This wasn’t even what you meant to happen. You just wanted to see if you could move something in a room without seeing it. You never thought you could open the door, you never thought they would all come swarming at you.

“Y/n!” Rey yelled, “I told you to rest, this is not rest!”

Thanos held a hand out to silence the fish faced man, still staring at you intently. He saw the food, nearly untouched. You saw his brow furrow, his hand coming down hard on your shoulder as he steered you out the door. He called out to Rey, “Have them send dinner early to the Oasis. Y/n will not be practicing anymore today.”

Though he frowned, Rey agreed.

“I don’t need rest, I’m fine!” you argued. Thanos looked down to meet your face, his eyes clearly thrown off by your tone. You tried to calm yourself before repeating, “I’m fine. I can continue training.”

“No,” was all he said. When you sat at the table in the Oasis, you crossed your arms and pouted. You needed to work more You needed to perfect your skills. Any day now Thanos would force you to cleanse the stone and you had to be ready to implement your plan.

The food came and you could only stare at it. “Eat,” he demanded. Your lips pressed in a thin line, aggravated by the situation. But nonetheless, you complied.

You both ate in silence until Thanos finally said softly, “I’m sorry.”

“Come again?”

He looked up to meet your eyes. “I have put a lot of pressure on you. You have been working vigorously to perfect your abilities and I haven't taken into consideration that I may have pushed you to do so. For that, I am sorry.”

You felt a hard lump form in your chest, as the thought crept up your soul, ‘I’m sorry I’m going to betray you.’

TAGS!!!

@inumorph @aliebestraum @wolfangelwings@jessiejunebug @the-corruptor

#thanos #thanos x oc #thanos x reader #thanos the mad titan #loki #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x oc #marvel fanfiction #marvel smutt #marvel #the lady death chronicles

[parkjmini]

Outlier | 06

poly!au: park jimin x reader x kim jennie while your lovers said they needed you, you wondered if they knew how much you needed them. word count: 1748 genre: angst/fluff warnings: explicit language

[an]: this is just a quick filler chapter and it’s a little rushed :// im sorry for not updating for a while or being less frequent on tumblr. i had been super emo bc of college admissions but guys!! gr8 fucking news!! i got into my dream schools after sooo many rejections from other schools. im also not going to be updating/MIA for the upcoming week bc i have to practice for a 20 min presentation that will determine if i graduate jfc that im doing on friday ugh 

prologue . 01 . 02 .  03 . 04 . 05 . 06 . 07

The hospital wouldn’t let you leave. Your conditions had gotten worse and they needed you to stay in the clinic for the doctors’ to closely monitor your behavior. That meant scheduled meals, frequent chemotherapy treatments, more blood tests. Even though you did nothing at the hospital, everything made you feel extremely exhausted and your arms were bruised from the constant needles being poked into your skin.

Living at the hospital meant no more art classes or school. You couldn’t finish your college classes at your institution because you couldn’t leave. The school suggested to finish the credits through online courses, but it only caused you to lash out more. You hated what the cancer had done to your life. It robbed it. You were just existing now. 

You weren’t sure if you saw Jimin and Jennie less now or before during when you all lived together. They came to see you every day, if it wasn’t the both of them, it was one of them. You also saw Jungkook and Hoseok more often as well. You weren’t alone, because everyone’s visits managed to never cross.

Hoseok came usually around the late mornings to afternoons, mainly every other day or whenever he could. Jungkook came during the evenings, when Hoseok had to leave for his classes. Jimin came around the night, staying way past visiting hours. The nurses looked at him one night crying by your bedside and knew that visiting hours didn’t apply to him. Jennie came in the early mornings until Hoseok arrived and before she left for classes. The only time Jimin and Jennie visited together is when they didn’t have classes — those days were off limits for Hoseok and Jungkook.

The only times you’re alone is between the hours of when Jimin leaves and when Jennie arrives, but Jimin waits until you fall asleep to go home. You would say that your individual relationships grew more intimate, but you were afraid of Jennie and Jimin lacking moments. 

Hoseok and Jimin wouldn’t speak about their friendship to you, so you were unsure if they were even best friends anymore. You couldn’t help but feel like all of this was your fault. 

Hoseok was the one who sat with you during your chemo sessions because he’s the only one who has ever seen you that valuable. You wouldn’t allow anyone else to join you on your treatments and always asked them to wait for you in the room. Those days were the hardest to get through because the nurses did a poor job at distracting you of anything. 

“Hey baby,–” Jimin walked in as a nurse was helping you up from your bed. She paused and smiled at him.

“Hello Jimin.” She gleamed, almost as if she thought he called her his baby. You rolled your eyes and fidgeted to get her attention.

“Hey, I’m going to a chemo session. I’ll be back in a few—”

Jimin set his things down and helped you on your other side, “–I’ll just join you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “It’s okay, stay here. I tell you this every time.”

“Yeah and I listen to you every time, which I knew after the first time, I shouldn’t because you come in a crying mess after it all. I know you let Hoseok go with you, but he’s not here now. I am, so let me be there for you.” Jimin stared intensely into your glossy eyes and the nurse waited for your consent before moving you.

A switch flipped in your heart. Those annoying heavy thuds of your heart went off. The redness in your cheeks radiating. You nodded and grabbed onto him for more balance. 

He rambled on about how his day went as he walked you down the hall into one of the million rooms in the hospital. The nurse strapped you up to begin your session and Jimin sat on your other side. 

Your mind always whirled before it all started, never really prepared for when the needle pierced through your skin. However, Jimin didn’t let you focus too much on it. He held onto your hand so tight and squeezed it repeatedly to draw your attention back to his presence. He talked continuously, merely rambles about the most random things that he encountered when driving or on campus.  

He made you feel 100 times better, even way better than when Hoseok came with you. Maybe it was the fact that he was your boyfriend, so his touch and his voice calmed your anxiety. 

“You really wouldn’t believe it, but Karen is going to go to her sorority formal with Trevor even though she already promised Garret. The guy was really pissed when he found out and started to rip each other’s throats out right in front of the lecture hall. I had my money on Garret, considering the dude is yolked, and Yoongi couldn’t give two shits about the fight but I made him bet anyways. He thought Garret was going to win too, but that’s not how a bet works, y’know? We can’t bet on the same person because who would owe who the money? But he didn’t care and said that he’d buy me food either way, which is great because that would mean that I win anyways.” Jimin kept his eyes locked on yours, rubbing his knuckles softly against your cheek to soothe you. His eyes never strayed to the massive syringe in your other arm or the nurse injecting it. 

At that moment, he only knew you. 

And you were unsure if the pain you felt was from the chemo or the burning sensation that came from your heart. 

“…so who won?” You barely peeped out and Jimin lit up with excitement, stars in his beautiful, big eyes. 

“Yoongi.” Jimin smiled and you gave him a confused expression. “It turns out Yoongi and Karen were already talking and had been secretly dating this entire time. She’d been trying to get him jealous by saying yes to all those guys, so he would step up and ask her to formal. He walked right in the middle of the fight, and I thought he was going to get punched into pulp, but they both calmly stepped away as Yoongi stood in between the two buff men. He told them that neither of them were taking Karen to formal and that he was already going with her because he’s her boyfriend. They all laughed until Karen jumped into his arms and kissed him in front of everyone, yelling ‘that’s my baby!’ and Yoongi threaten to cut them open for a lab, y’know how he’s a biology major, if they didn’t both leave them alone.” 

“What?” You wanted to laugh, but you weren’t suppose to move. However, hearing Jimin’s melodic chuckle made you smile. He leaned in and gave your silly, yet confused face a quick peck. 

“I told you that you weren’t going to believe it.” His toothy grin brighten up the dark, gloomy session room and you didn’t regret having him there with you one bit.

“What’s Jennie doing?” You asked as you fluffed Jimin’s raven hair. He rested on your chest as you both laid in your hospital bed. The only sounds were the monitor running and the light sounds of your breathing.

“Stuck at the internship.” He mumbled into your sheets.

“Why aren’t you there?” Staring at the ceiling, the street lamps cast shadows above you as people passed by on the street.

Jimin turned, his arm placed at either side of your body. His frown caught your attention as his face inched close to yours. “I quit.” 

“You what?” You said rather loudly. He put his hand over your mouth to hush you. You licked him and he giggled at your wet touch. “Jimin, I told you not change anything in your life to accommodate to me.” 

“Oh, but you know I love accommodating to the love of my life. Plus, I didn’t even need it. I have other opportunities waiting for me, babe. You mean a lot more to me than an internship.” He explained.

You rolled your eyes, in a playful manner. “Well don’t go shitting on Jen.” 

“Her values are different. Also, the people there are crazy about her and rave about her existence.” Jimin laughed and you cupped his squishy cheeks.

“Says the one that is also just as crazy about her.” 

“But I don’t rave about her existence, that’s the difference. It’ll make her head too big and then it’ll roll right off her shoulders.” You giggled and kissed him sweetly.

“I love you. I love Jen. I love us.” You marveled and your boyfriend’s glossy eyes stared back at you. His hands held onto yours as he kissed your dainty finger tips.

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through, (Y/N). I’ve been an incredibly horrible boyfriend to you and you deserved so much more attention from me. I love you, I really do. When Jennie suggested the idea to me about bringing you into our relationship, I became hesitant because I knew I wasn’t capable of spreading my love enough for two people.” His tears ran down his round, supple face. 

Jimin wouldn’t let go of your hands, so you leaned in to kiss his forehead instead. “So.. what changed?” 

“You changed me, as cheesy as it sounds, (Y/N), you changed my concept of love. You were always my close friend, who I wanted to protect with my life. After you joined us, I wanted to do more than protect you. I wanted to love you and for fuck sakes, did that hit me like a truck. I was so scared of never showing you enough of how much I loved you and then my worst fears actually came true. I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

Seeing Jimin cry had been a rare sight, and you hoped to never see him cry ever again. It hurt too much to watch the pain and sadness ruin his happiness. You were speechless and felt horrible for blaming the two for your own emotions. “Don’t apologize, Jimin. Just prove it to me.” 

“You fucking bet I will. I’m going to take care of you until you’re sick of me.” Jimin chuckled, his voice turning raspy as it got more into the night. He cuddled back into your side and hugged you tightly. Your eyelids fell over your tired eyes and you silently wished that you had more time to live.

#jiminnetwork #jimin #jennie #jimin scenario #jimin scenarios #kim jennie #park jimin #jimin smut #jennie smut #kpop smut #bts smut #bts jimin #bts jimin ff #blackpink #bts #bts scenarios #poly!bts #poly!blackpink #blackpink scenarios #blackpink smut #kpop #poly!jimin #kpop scenarios #jennie ff #bangtan #beyond the scene #outlier #mine

[belleterrecountryclub]

Can Meditation Make You A Better Golfer?

An experiment with three golfers revealed the practice can make a difference. Just not the one you might expect

By Sam Weinman

few months ago Golf Digest set out to answer a question almost as old as the game itself: does alcohol make you play better, or worse? The experiment and resulting video with three too-eager participants, was illuminating, comical, and fairly conclusive: a little bit of “swing oil” has some residual benefits owing to a decrease in tension and inhibition. Too much, however, leads to deteriorating focus and coordination, and then you just stop caring about advancing the ball at all. A subsequent experiment with marijuana yielded similar results: some weed might take the edge off and loosen up your swing, but anything more than a little becomes counterproductive.

That brings us to our recent experiment exploring the effects of meditation, structured like the first two, but also plenty unique. Here, too, we submitted three golfers of varying playing ability to a series of golf tests while interspersing the influence of an outside element—beers and tokes became 15 minutes of meditation. The difference is that while meditation does induce some immediate physiological effects and boasts several long-term health benefits, we’re still talking about a rather nuanced exercise that is difficult to quantify. And if you really wanted to measure it well, best to do it over a few months instead of a couple of hours. Still, a few hours is what we started with one day this summer, and I, along with colleagues Keely Levins and Ben Walton, was selected as one of three golfers who would spend the day hitting golf shots and meditating to see what type of difference we’d see. Although Keely and Ben had limited experience with meditation, I’d recently begun dabbling in no small part because mindfulness, as it’s also known, has been hailed as perhaps the best way to temper the freneticism of our modern lives. And no doubt I was a worthy candidate: a digital editor who spends his days tethered to one electronic device or another, a father of two high-energy boys, and someone who can overthink everything from family dynamics to what club to hit off the tee. As I said in the video, I first told my wife that I thought meditation would help because, “I run pretty hot during the day.” “No,” she corrected me. “You run hot all the time.”

So in terms of how a few minutes of meditation a day can calm the mind and harness focus, I was already sold. What I hadn’t explored, and what we sought to discover that day, was how it might affect one’s performance on the golf course. Plus, we saw it as an opportunity to debunk misconceptions about meditation — what exactly it is, what you do, and why it might mesh well with the mental and emotional demands of golf.

The day was broken into segments of three different golf challenges—driving for distance, approach shot accuracy, and putting—followed by brief sessions with meditation teacher Jonni Pollard. Pollard is the founder of a meditation app, 1 Giant Mind, and a personal mentor to a roster of clients that includes corporate executives and professional golfers. With a clean-shaven head, an Australian accent, and an affable manner, he spent the day convincing us of the ways meditation can not only help us think clearer on the golf course, but at work and home as well.

Among Pollard’s central arguments is that for all our technological progress, the human body has remained virtually unchanged from man’s earliest days fending off regular physical threats, which is why we process stress the same whether it’s an unpleasant email or a bear attack. This disconnect between how we live now, and the biological constraints of our bodies and brains, can explain why we often feel scattered so much of the time, and why even the mundane stresses of everyday life can elicit profound physical reactions.

“This is the little glitch in our system,” Pollard said. “We are entrenched in a dysfunctional state of defensive living because the way we’re living now is so far removed from how we’ve biologically evolved.”

What does this have to do with our ability to hit a drive in the fairway? Plenty, actually, because the same forces that leave us feeling frequently disjointed also factor into our performance on the course.

Almost every golfer has to negotiate the chasm between the shots he’s capable of producing, and the those he actually hits. We’re too quick, we’re too distracted, we’re worried about the pond on the left—when the result falls short of our potential, it often emanates from somewhere between the ears. By contrast think about the time you mindlessly hit a shot on the range and it soars perfectly off the clubface; or when you rake in a conceded putt from afar without even trying, and it rolls straight into the hole. It’s precisely because you “weren’t thinking” that it worked out so well.

This, Pollard said, this is where meditation can make a difference.

“What it does is it hits factory restart and restores our natural capability,” Pollard said. “Our natural capability is there and we need to allow it to be there, so what is the thing that’s inhibiting it? From my perspective it’s the hyper stimulation of the thinking mind.”

Which is not to say that each meditation session sets you on a path to a truer golf swing. Not exactly at least. As the afternoon unfolded, my driver carry improved, but my approach shots were looser, and my putting stayed about the same. To think of meditation as some type of performance enhancer in deep-breathing form is to misinterpret the underlying machinations at work. As Pollard said, when you meditate for 20 minutes, focusing on your breath or a mantra and allowing outside elements to recede into the background, it’s similar to doing a set of bench presses at the gym. The act itself may make you stronger, but it’s really repetition and time that allows the effects to take hold

“The conversations I like to have when talking about meditation is one, it’s really wonderful to alleviate short term the symptoms of stress,” Pollard says. “But also it creates the internal infrastructure for us to be able to become resilient in this life, rather than feel like life is taxing you.”

Beyond technical improvement, what we really detected was an underlying sense of calm, noteworthy on what could have been a stressful day. Although Keely played college golf, Ben and I were not used to the strain of having every shot measured so precisely. Throw a handful of cameras and a crew of about 10 into the equation, and under normal circumstances I’d question if I could even draw the club back. But after each session with Pollard we began to mind the attention less, and distractions subsided. “It became easier to be over the shot,” said Keely. “I had this odd sense of detachment to where it was going, like I didn’t want to look at the result. Not every shot was great, but there was some freedom and ease in not feeling painfully invested in how straight my drives were flying.”

This is what Pollard means when he describes the “infrastructure” meditation helps construct. Scientific studies of meditation have shown that the practice strengthens the pre-frontal cortex portion of the brain responsible for concentration, focus and problem solving while shrinking the amygdala section that triggers our panicky “fight or flight” response. So even though I didn’t hit the ball markedly better that day, the ingredients were all there to do so—I was more focused, less fatigued, not nearly as wrapped up in the shot I just hit or the one still to come.

And therein lies the real breakthrough, because golf is nothing if not an opportunity for self-sabotage. You start a round poorly, you stress over wanting to play better. You start out playing well, you wonder how long it will last. Pollard and other meditation experts like to say that the practice improves “present moment awareness,” which is a variation of the old golf cliche of “taking it one shot at a time.” Roll your eyes if you must, but think about how much easier the game would be if your mind were free of competing narratives and you just played.

Our Max Adler played a round of golf last year with Sadghuru Jaggi Vasudev, a spiritual leader with millions of followers and a surprising affection for golf. Adler attended one of the guru’s workshops to better understand how Eastern practices like meditation can translate to athletic performance. Sadghuru, too, emphasized the value of getting out of your head.

“People trip on their own minds,” Sadghuru said. “They need to create a little distance between what they think and what they do.” So, to get back to the original question: Does meditation help you become a better golfer? The short answer is yes. The longer answer might be encapsulated by an experience from a few weeks after our session with Pollard, when I developed a wicked case of the shanks.

For about 10 days in the heart of the golf season, I had a hard time hitting an iron or wedge without the ball screaming off the hosel right into some unspeakable place. Golfers who’ve experienced the dynamic know no more maddening affliction, and in the grips of it, I couldn’t hit a simple 30-yard pitch without panicking. Then I recalled an exercise we learned with Pollard for right before address. We’d stand behind the ball, place both hands on the grip of the club, and take in a deep breath before proceeding. For an entire round, I did this over every shot —a mini-meditation session that attempted Pollard’s version of “factory restart.” My head clearer, my breath slower, the panic receded, and solid contact soon returned.

So if you’re asking, no, I don’t think you can measure the efficacy of mediation by saying it will drop this number of strokes from your score. But what I have noticed is that it can work to flush out our worst instincts—both on the course and everywhere else. I, for one, need all the help I can get.

Source: golfdigest.com

The post Can Meditation Make You A Better Golfer? appeared first on Belle Terre.

[btsjeonjazz]

Stargazing II pt. 2

Jimin x reader x Taehyung

genre: ANGST, slight smut, confused feelings and plot twists

word count: 15.9k

He was your first love, your soulmate who shaped your heart, covered it with scars no one was able to erase..except for the one causing the indentations deforming the once beautiful muscle that still longed for the part that was torn out on a day in late autumn.

Was it really Jimin who decided to leave you or was it another person pulling the strings? Confused feelings that threatened to break you slowly started to clench your heart..

The last time you felt the aching sorrow numbing your heart was the night you lay in your bed after Jimin had left you. Rain splashed against your window above your bed, not a single star hanging from the blackness of the night sky while you reached for the invisible figure of your ex-boyfriend hovering over you, his still perfectly shaped face smiling down at you. The sparse light flickering over your wet cheeks made you remember him every single night. That time you couldn't feel the tears anymore, hours of crying milking your tear glands and the only feeling clenching your heart a strange emptiness. It was the worst night of your life, never ending and full of nightmares that wouldn't go away when you woke up, because you didn't sleep for weeks.

Tonight wasn't any different. Even though you felt how anger and frustration built up inside you, turning your guts in a grumbling mess, ready to hurl out your intestines your heart was occupied by the same emptiness you experienced the night three years ago. It filled your heart and crumbled the remaining lowered walls protecting it from him. But it didn't help, the shield dropped and your beating muscle was free, vulnerable and attacked again. Your breath was stuck in your lungs as you stared at the girl standing before you, her hands laying possessively on Jimin's shoulders while he didn't dare to look up once. You saw your hands shake before you pulled them off of the table to clench them into strong fists to stop them from erecting. How were you supposed to react in that kind of situation? It was as if you were thrown into icy water without a life vest, dipped under the freezing surface by Jimin and his..his..Mey.

Feeling every person's eyes on you – except one pair of color brown – you forced a smile on your face, ignoring the stinging pain blurring your vision.

“Y/n..”, Taehyung shifted to the side without really moving, his warm palm giving you the help you needed not to throw your glass at the girl and young man in front of you. “We can go if you want. Now”, it was a faint whisper of his low voice offering you to get you out of that unbelievable nightmare, but you were over him, right? You were over him. Jimin was nothing but a mistake in the past. Right? He broke your heart and didn't even care how miserable your life was afterwards, not only leaving you with a bleeding heart, no, without an explanation moving into another city.

Clearing your throat you stood up. Nobody could hold you there with him and his..his..

“I forgot something important at home”, you declared vague, not caring how stupid and disbelieving your excuse sounded, snatching your coat and scarf to place them under your arm to rush out as fast as possible. A second longer and you would've imploded.

Your two friends nodded sadly, throwing you apologetic and worried glances as you stumbled over your feet, screeching the chair over the floor. Turning away you stopped right where you were, a hand enclosed around your upper arm.

“D-don't go. Please”, Jimin's voice was a whiff, begging for you to stay although he had no right to ask you for something as hurtful as this while leaned across the entire table to hold you back. “I haven't seen you in so..long. I want to get to know-”

“Oh shut up, will you?”, you beamed with fury at his faked words. “Getting to know me? While you're flirting with your..your..”, you paused, biting your inner cheek for the bitter taste in your mouth to go away. “Mey. She's here for you, you better not fake being sorry for leaving me and being back to check on me. I'm perfectly fine.” You whispered the words so no one else would eavesdrop, but it was obvious what you told him. “Go and be happy, Jimin. You don't need me for that-”

“Jiminie? Let her go if she wants to go home”, the female voice burned into your head a lot louder than any other voice filling the room. The hand on your arm fell off with the first word leaving Mey's lips.

Looking past Jimin you saw her tilting her dark thatch, smiling innocently at you which switched on something inside you, inflamed an emotion you were forbidden to feel. Jealousy. She was toying with you. Testing your limits and patience because she knew who you were and that Jimin's heart once belonged to you. Hence you felt forced to meet your ex-boyfriend's darkening eyes, seeing hope fading inside them as to why you  rummaged for your phone.

Then you sighed trying to give off that you were unlaced by her tries and the whole situation itself. “An hour, nothing more.”

Challenge lacing your orbs you sat back down between Tae and Bee, your tongue poking your inner cheek whereas you cocked up your brows. They should see how pissed you were, but giving in after you developed the strength to deal with being broken and alone? Not a chance.

Awkward silence filled the air around the group of you as Mey sat down without inviting her to, personal space foreign words for the sweetly smiling girl. She practically sat on Jimin's lap while he nervously squirmed under three pairs of eyes, yours included.

“And who exactly are you? Coming here out of the blue like an intruder that waited for the perfect opportunity to burst in a nice conversation?”, Bee crossed her arms in front of her chest, her expression ice cold, directed in the direction of the girl fidgeting with Jimin's softly looking, big sleeve that caused way too familiar sweater paws. How you loved Bee for that! A proud smile creeping on your face you silently thanked god for your best friend. “I mean, we don't even know who you are and now you casually burst in our group-”

“Stop it, Bee”, Jimin's quiet voice shut your friend up in one go. Not only she was surprised by his words. “She's..she..She's my..” You saw realisation in his narrowed eyes, blinking for a few times without continuing his phrase you knew would lead to.

“Girlfriend.”

All eyes turned your way. The words that wouldn't even dare to cross your mind slipped out of your mouth, pissed that your ex hadn't the balls to be blunt about their relationship, because she wasn't hiding anything. Her glance told you how mighty she felt, how right you were about your accusation. She was what you claimed her to be. His..Jimin's..fuck. Girlfriend. The one young woman he most certainly fucked every damn night. Who he invited on beautiful, romantic dates and the worst, you were confident about the fact that he also explained the stars to her like he did to you. Night after night gazing at the tiny shining sparkles peppered over the black night sky.

Your head fell back briefly, your throat dry and the knot signalled how far you stood on the verge of tears. But you wouldn't cry. Not now.

Clearing his throat Jimin scratched his neck, his brown orbs flying over your face. “What? It's not-”

“Don't be shy, Jiminie!”, Mey pinged his rose cheeks with an innocent smile plastered on her face. “Around four years already.” F-Four years? “But most importantly, you must be Tae, Jimin always speaks about you and you two are?”

You stared at a point over their heads, the far distant of the windows, down the street and further where you knew lay your house. How would you survive a whole hour with them at this table? Why didn't you rush home just as you intended?

Taehyung put his arm around your shoulders, being the protection you missed, soothing you with his thumb drawing circles on your upper arm. “I'm Taehyung, that's right. That's Bee and this is y/n. You should know their names as much as mine, because these two are your friend's longest friends, too.”

“Boyfriend's”, she corrected the guy beside you and you had difficulties not to puke. “He must've mentioned your name some time, y/n. But I can't remember in what context.”

“Is that so?”, you asked without sounding too suspicious of your murderous thoughts.

“I told her”, Jimin's soft voice was heard over the quiet music and the chatter in the room. “I-”

“When?”, Mey shifted her head to the side. “I really can't remember.”

It was ridiculous. You had enough, but for real now. Jimin's new girl was not only teasing you, she was degrading you with her questions, not caring about you at all. But why would she anyway, huh? She had what you'd never have in your life again.

Not saying a single word you wriggled yourself out of Tae's touch, pecking Bee's warm cheek and nearly running out of that place you wouldn't face the next weeks, or months. Outside the restaurant you walked through the piercing raindrops that slowly started to solidify into faint snow flakes. You hated the winter. It reminded you of Jimin, in good and even worse ways hence you pulled your scarf tighter around yourself, burying your face in it.

Now it was you who would have to start anew, again. Your wounds were brutally opened, your walls crashed, your mind a haze and you still wanted nothing more than to fall into the arms who held another girl by now.

“Why, god, why did he come back?”, you looked heavenwards, standing still at the end of the street to wait for the traffic lights to change.

Deep in your bones you felt the upcoming storm approaching. And you heard how your heartbeat began to decrease, determination seeping into you. One thing was for sure, maybe Mey and Jimin had made your night the worst – expect the years he ripped out your heart – but from this moment on, your swore, you would arm yourself against them in every possible way. Starting from a healthy mind.

“You won't knock me down again”, you threw your fist in the air, punching the invisible face of the young man who still sat next to your best friends inside the warm shop. “Never, Park Jimin!”

Laughing at your sad try to find the courage to go on, you were sure that it needed a lot more than a shout in the empty streets to get over what happened to you tonight. And you were right, because the next day your shaking determination was tested already.

Tae: I'm sorry, babe. I should have told you that Jimin moved back [09:54am]

You received Tae's message the morning after the awkward moment you met your ex-boyfriend Jimin after almost four years. Of course you were mad at Tae for not telling you, hiding the fact that Jimin would come back in town. If he had told you you would've braced yourself and put your mind to peace with thoughts that everything would turn out absolutely fine, but like that? Not a chance you were prepared for his return.

You: Get it over with, Tae. I'm a big girl. Wanna meet up tonight? [17:39pm]

As if. You caught yourself lying at him, but who cared? He was sincerely sorry and you wanted to be brought on other thoughts as to why you suggested hooking up. Maybe it would free your mind, maybe you wouldn't be able to forget, but you had to try it at least. It took him not even a minute to answer although you let him wait for a couple of hours.

Tae: at 9. My house [17:40pm]

Grinning at your display you slandered in your bathroom to get a hot shower, pushing the clenching feeling around your heart off. Jimin, who? You snickered. Man, it was a long way to go, but mind blowing sex with your buddy was the perfect start to get rid of the pictures in your tired head that evoked an ultimate urge to gag. Jimin was your past. Period. And now it was time to look forward again.

His lips traced over your neck, biting in your soft skin, leaving you shuddering beneath Tae as he sensually rolled his hips against you. He made you feel like floating, his low growls getting you closer to your orgasm while his thrusts reached deep, brushing the spot inside you that brought the coin to flip.

“Oh, shit”, you moaned out loud, your fingernails scratching deep marks on his tanned back, his slight chuckle driving you crazy. “You know me too well, Tae..ah.”

You were close, your legs wrapping themselves around his moving hips to press him deeper as he already went in.

“Babe, don't. fucking. do. this.” Taehyung's voice pressed through his gritted teeth as he propped himself on his elbows to shove his wet tongue in your mouth. And you gladly accepted it, playing, teasing him while he fucked you into oblivion, your painful feelings and nightmare like thoughts disappearing the closer he got you to your climax. “Come for me, babe. I want to see your pretty face while my cock makes you c-come..” The last word was swallowed as you started to contradict harshly around his erection inside your folds, the heat you felt in the pit of your stomach exploding.

“Fuck..Ji-”, you stopped yourself, eyes wide with shock as you locked them with Tae's chocolate ones. If you were able to you would've apologised immediately, but you couldn't as your orgasm washed over you. Everything went white before you clung panting on your friend's neck as he leaned down to muffle your frantic mewls by pressing his red, heart shaped lips on yours. While riding out your high Tae continued to move his mouth on yours ere he straightened himself on his knees, his dick still buried in your heat.

Embarrassed by yourself you slapped your hands over your face. “I'm so fucking sorr-”

“Shut up.”

Surprised by his harsh tone your hands were smacked away from your pink cheeks. How did this happened? You closed your lids for like two seconds as you came, but he was the first thing your sick brain imagined whereas you came. Groaning your legs were spread wider than normal, Taehyung's fingers tapping on your knees.

“It's okay, y/n”, he smugly smirked down at your highly embarrassed self. “You better let me spread you.”

Nodding you bit down your bottom lip not to moan a name you really didn't want to say aloud right now.

Tae on the other side had other plans with you, trying his best to occupy your busy mind with nothing but himself and his amazing thrusts. “Moan my name. Now.”

Obeying you grabbed him by the shoulders, your voice starting off rather quiet before you cried out his name over and over again, feeling his skin hitting yours. And then Tae's feral, deep grunts and hisses filled his bedroom, his hips getting slower.

“Taehyung!”, you threw your head back, arching your back because you knew how much he adored to see you that vulnerable and craving.

Slick spurts of his release shot in the condom he wore, his lean, tanned body was tinged in sweat, collapsing on yours while his lips attached themselves on yours.

“That's the only name you'll scream from now on, got it?”

Heavy breathing you nodded, slightly smiling up at his attractive face. “Got it.”

Pulling out of you he threw the condom on the floor. “You didn't. Damn, Tae, that's disgusting”, you hit his chest, but your wrists were grabbed the instant, his tall body thrown on top of you again. His big, beautiful hands began to nudge your sides, knowing that tickling was the best medicine to get your attention – after sex.

Laughing from the top of your lungs you two bickered around, his long fingers teasing your naked body while throwing you around the bed and right as you were ready to attack back the door was opened. Tae's body still half on yours, almost covering your bare skin and private spots a pair of ebony orbs got wider than you had ever seen them.

“Fuck, sorry..shit”, with a deafening thud the door was slammed shut and Jimin out of the room.

Frozen in place your fingers lay on the skin above your heart to feel if it still beat. It did. Faster than ever.

Taehyung on the other side sat up into a sighting position, his loud, low voice echoing through his house. “Never heard of fucking knocking?!”

Instead of an answer you faintly witnessed the front door falling into it's lock.

“Y/n..”

“No, it's totally fine”, you lied, tapping on the free spot beside you, curling yourself up. “Let's sleep, yeah?”

Shooting you a suspicious glance Tae sighed, but accepted your offer and crawled next to you, his hand wandering over your stomach to stroke your skin gently. “Wanna watch a movie while cuddling up?”

Nodding you smiled reluctantly at the boy who tried his best to get a special someone off of your mind again, just as he did the last four years. As he climbed back into the warmth of his bed, you immediately put your head on his chest so he won't see the rush of emotions running wild over your face, your eyes glued to the screen without actually seeing something. Fuck. Repressing a major groan you felt how fast your heart still beat, your eyes drying up while you didn't dare to blink, anxious about the shocked face that would burn in your lids. Jimin looked like a ghost, his flushed skin getting pale whereas you saw nothing but pain in his chocolate colored pupils. The evil side in you cheered for yourself, seeing him hurt because of Tae touching you, but the naïve you felt utterly miserable that he had to see you in such an intimate moment.

“Y/n?”

Flinching at the loud voice and the fingers shaking you, you lifted your head. Taehyung arched his brows up, smiling down knowingly.

“It seems like I need to distract you a lot more.”

As if hit by a truck I sat outside the house in the rain, an umbrella over my head..my best friend, Tae, was..was..

“Fuck!”, I let out a frustrated cry, my hands running through my short hair to calm my twitching nerves. I had never thought that you would..I couldn't even think of the words that I had seen a few seconds ago. You, naked..your wonderful body and your perfect laugh..Tae's hands on your..

“Calm the fuck do-”

“Jimin?”, there that high voice was again, Mey's silhouette forming in the dark, walking light-footed towards me with her signature innocent – fake – smile. She was the last person I wanted to see right now, trying to collect my own thoughts. “Why are you sitting outside?”

“Can we go to the convenience store? I'm hungry”, was all I said, walking past her to get to the light illuminated shelter in the form of a shop. I heard Mey's hasty steps behind me, her rather big hand grabbing mine while we went past my old house, past your house..

The night was painted by lack of sleep, a snoring Taehyung next to you whose leg was clinging on your body. Around two in the morning you had witnessed the front door getting locked, some silently tip toeing footsteps and some pretty loud ones walking down the hall where Tae's bedroom was situated. And of course you knew whose steps you heard. Jimin's and Mey's. Unluckily their bedroom seemed to be the one right next to yours and you prayed with all your might that Jimin would have a bit of decency not to fuck her while you could hear absolutely everything. Starting from her constant chattering to his grunts of understanding further to the way the bed creaked under his or her weight. You imagined them cuddled up, his painfully pretty face so close to Mey's..

You had enough of the piercing feeling that wouldn't stop hurting your heart as you lay in the dark with your eyes closed shut and the pictures in your head driving you insane. Your gaze flew to the guy beside you, his leg carefully lifted as you wrapped yourself in one of the blankets, storming out bare feet. Down the stairs you took the corner that lead to the huge terrace of his house, Tae's parents long moved out – almost two years now – while you visited him after Jimin had left you. Since the moment he found you crying, desperately looking for your ex in front of his house Taehyung never dared to leave your side, and for that you were more than grateful. He was your saviour as you needed one so bad who developed to your fuck friend, but you had the strange feeling that he wanted more from you than just your body. Which was the reason you didn't spend as much time at his house as you used to the last years, definitely not ready to start something knew, afraid he might gain enough power over your emotions and would let you fall like someone did in the past. It was ridiculous, you knew it, but you weren't ready to fall in love, especially not now after Jimin was back, turning your entire, difficult, tightly organised life upside down, ripping out the healed spot in your heart a second time with the appearance of his new girlfriend. Merciless asshole, you thought whereas you opened the door to the garden and a gust of a cold early winter's night took your breath for a brief moment.

The frozen floor was numbing your toes as you walked towards the ice cold pillows of the couch that stood underneath the glassy roof of their terrace. With force you pulled it behind you, ignoring the icy sparks below your feet. Right under the stairs to the actual green of the grass the sofa stood now while you rushed inside to bring another blanket from the living room to wrap your naked body in them against the cold air of the night. Your warm breath formed in front of your face, your view turned upwards into the sky where you met old friends hanging from the firmament above your tiny body. They knew you better than anyone else, all your problems cried out to them, the beautiful moments they were able to see long gone as you only visited them whenever something clenched your heart and soul. The smallest of shiny stars in the night sky made you happy, your thoughts, negative or not, made place for the numbing void in your head only the sight above you was able to give you when you felt like shit, just as the last days.

A small sigh escaped you, your eyes covered with emptiness as you let out everything that darkened your mind. You didn't even care that you definitely looked pathetic as you sat there in the blackness in nothing but two way too thin blankets, talking to the stars as if they'd seriously listen and help you with your problems while one of the most attractive, caring and humorous guys in the entire world lay upstairs and thought you were next to him dreaming peacefully.

“..I can't even cope with all the suffering anymore”, you whispered, your legs pulled against your chest, your chin dropped on your knees while you stared heavenwards. “He even saw us! And it still hurts like hell to know that he's back, you know? And..and with h-his..I don't want to speak that shit aloud..”

A crack behind you made you flinch hard, your silent conversation cut off immediately as you realised someone was eavesdropping on your heartfelt, pathetic monologue. In slow motion, afraid it might be the wrong person listening in on you, you turned around with wide eyes, the blanket pulled tighter and tighter.

“I-I didn't mean to listen!”

You didn't know if you should feel relieved or even more upset as you saw Jimin standing there in his black sweatpants and a big blue sweater that caused major sweater paws on his lean body. You knew that damned hoodie too well. It was the first present you made for him on your very first Christmas years ago. You had met up in the middle of the pavement that perfectly parted his and your side of the big property, his cheeks flushed, ears red from the cold, the tip of his nose reddened and his hands shook as he gave you your own present, a Polaroid camera to save precious moments of your future relationship. The many pictures you took over the years stuffed into a big carton that was dropped somewhere on your parent's attic.

Now that you had an uninvited guest your peace was gone, all menacing thoughts that left your brain storming in at once, stumbling over more worries as they clenched your head. He had heard everything you entrusted to the stars and that worried you to the bone. Jimin, the one it was all about, knew your deepest thoughts now, didn't he? But you tried not to look too desperate and flustered as you shifted around, signalling him to leave you alone by ignoring him. Minutes passed and as you dared to throw a glance back you saw him leaning against the frame, his brown eyes staring into the night sky. The softness of his expression made your blood boil in anger.

“What do you want? Can't you see that I want my fucking peace or why do you think I'm out here, feeling like a snowman?”, you turned around, your arm spread on the rest with your voice showing your annoyance. But instead of letting you alone with your thoughts a small chuckle was heard, his hand running through his dark hair. “What?!”

“Feeling like a snowman?”, Jimin held his long sleeve over his mouth to hide the grin pursing his plump lips.

Blood rushed into your pale face, heat coursing through your cold body at his words. Right now you hadn't shown him a cool, aloof side, no, an awkward side with a childlike description of your state. Good job, y/n. As embarrassed as you were you coughed to hide it, averting your gaze as you turned around again, facing the firmament a second time.

“I'm sorry, y/n.” After quite some time you gave up on him leaving you, so you tried to ignore him instead, if he wouldn't constantly start a conversation you really didn't wanna hold. Not after he had seen you having naked fun with his best friend, and not now or never really. “May I join you in silence for a while?”

You couldn't answer his quiet question, too torn between shouting at him and waving him closer to have him for yourself without getting disturbed. But that was wrong, your heart and mind not ready for that. To your surprise did Jimin the opposite of what you expected. He came closer, sitting right beside you in the dark in silence. The moment his bum met the soft, but freezing surface of the sofa your body stiffened. The last time you were that close to him alone was an eternity ago, the bit of heat resonating from his body warming you up from top to toe although the young man didn't even touch you. Seconds passed and you didn't know what to think while you couldn't help yourself but to throw glances his way, scanning Jimin from up close with furrowed eyebrows. He was as attractive as ever. His hair a bit shorter than you remembered him, his skin lighter and body broader. Jimin had matured. He wasn't the young guy you had loved once. The only similarity the softness of his faint smile that seemed to never leave his lips, not even now, in the dark with you, his ex, by his side.

“Aren't you cold?”

“I thought you wanna sit with me in silence”, you scoffed back.

“That was an excuse to not get chased away by you”, he said with a smile in his deep voice. “I missed you, y/n. Believe it or not-”

“No.” There was nothing else to say to that bullshit. That bullshit that made your heart skip a beat. Damn heart!

“Let me talk”, he shifted to the side, his eyes boring in your side profile. “I know how hurt you must've been the last years. I'm sincerely-”

“Shut up”, you whispered, the hair on your body standing straight, not because of the cold. “I don't want to hear the shit of you apologising for something you did while using your full mind. You weren't drunk, on drugs or anything else. You did it, because you wanted it. Period. Now shut your mouth or leave.”

Jimin was silent for a few seconds before he stood up. “You better get in before you catch a cold.”

With that he was gone and you sat there, kind of dumbfounded and confused. Jimin wasn't like this before he left you three and a half years ago. He was gentle, always smiling and charming, not cold or accepting anything that would mean something 'bad' and going as if he didn't care. Never. Wide eyed, not sure if you should be pleasured with yourself or disappointed that he was actually gone, you swallowed loudly, wrapping your suddenly shivering body tighter into the blankets.

“You can't catch a shitty cold”, Jimin was back two seconds after he left with a huge amount of blankets picked from the couch in the living room. Throwing one over your body after the other, he got closer, his hands tapping over your barely covered one to wrap you in the other pieces of cloth. Your heart stopped for mere seconds whereas his pretty, delicate face was only centimetres away from yours.

You weren't able to talk as long as he was near you, his familiar touches making sure you weren't cold anymore.

“Wh-”

“Friday. Six pm at yours. I'll pick you up because I have a lot to say”, Jimin interrupted you with a glance that told you to better not complain again ere he was gone.

What did he think? Scoffing you stared at the spot where you had last seen him. As if you would meet him just because he said so! Shaking your head you snuggled up into the many blankets he had wrapped you in, the faint scent of his smell in your nose while you glanced back at the night sky again with a lot less on your mind than before.

The coldness of the night was still in your bones as you woke up the next day on Tae's large couch, your hair a complete mess, your body tinged in so much sweat you felt uncomfortable, all thanks to the many blankets on your still naked body. It was earlier than you thought, around eight, as you slandered up the stairs to fall next to the sleeping guy you had left the whole night. Taehyung didn't move as your weight caused a big indentation, your fingers flying over his soft strands.

“Tae?”, you whispered, your touch waking him with confused eyes.

A mumbling answer followed by a grunt. “Go back to sleep, baby. I'll take care of you when I wake up..”

“No need to, I'm going now”, you said aloud, snatching your stuff, throwing your clothes on your body and leaving with a snicker at the wide eyes that locked with yours as you waved him goodbye. His loud protests could be heard through the door of his bedroom as you walked down the hall, the stairs and finally that front door. As your feet touched the pavement you could breath through for the very first time since you were caught by Jimin yesterday and to top it all after he had talked to you alone in the cold of the night.

Slandering towards the convenience store a few blocks away to get fresh roles and visit your parents to free your mind you bumped into someone who was quite busy with a few bags of sweets rushing out of the store. One of the many snacks fell to the ground and then you heard the voice behind all the stuff for the first time and froze.

“Can't you open your eyes?”

Swallowing the hatred that coursed your veins you straightened mid way as you wanted to help the girl with the fallen bag of cookies. No way you'd move one inch for the girl who lay in bed with the love you had lost years ago, her proud, mighty eyes laughing at you as she cocked her brows up to see you she had bumped into.

“You're the one that can't see through the amount of unhealthy stuff in your hands”, you responded in a monotone tone as you pushed inside to walk to the small bakery in it. “Ten roles please.”

“Don't think I don't know you, y/n”, Mey's voice was close behind, her view still downgrading your being as you stood there waiting for the cashier to be faster. But to your negative surprise didn't she back off, her words making you freeze. “I heard everything Jimin said to you yesterday. And let me tell you that you better take your hands off of him, because we are a couple now. He won't ever touch you again, his heart and body is mine, understood?”

You counted to ten. Deeply breathing in and out not to turn around to smack the bags of hers to the ground with an evil smile that should hide the pain that pressed on your lunges, making it difficult to breath properly. The fucking grin on her face that was situated a few centimetres above yours was enough for you to stay composed. She wouldn't win this war she had started with those words. Mey and Jimin were in a relationship? Fine, they deserved each other. But opening the wound on your heart with those damned words was too much. She had crossed the line a new girlfriend had. And she had no fucking right to talk to you like that, because she knew nothing.

“Hope he fucks you as good as he did me”, you shrugged your shoulders even though you felt like slapping her, your eyes laced with reservedness. “But if I think about it now. Tae's a lot better. You can keep Jimin then.” Shifting around again you thanked the cashier with a bright smile, pushing passed Mey while hitting her shoulder, a couple of snacks falling out of the her hands. “Oh sorry, did I do this? My bad, have to go. Bye bye Mey.”

Proud of yourself you breathed through whereas you walked light-footed back the way you came from, deciding it would be a better day than you had thought at first, the girl who was with Jimin right now making your day a lot sweeter. Although it was bitter sweet.

“It's a fucking masterpiece!”, you cheered at Carol and her brother, Tae. “You did it?”

You rounded the kitchen's table where a cake was put in the middle, a photo of your friend Bee put in the centre. It was her birthday, a day before the date Jimin had asked you – you wanted to call it threatened you – to meet him to talk. But you didn't want to talk.

“We worked for hours after Tae had burned the first cake this morning”, Carol said with rolling eyes at which Taehyung next to you just shrugged his shoulders with an apologising smile.

“You can't entrust me with baking stuff, you know I ruin everything.”

Snickering you leaned onto him, your head falling on his shoulders, your eyes heavy. It was an exhausting week after your boss had given you too much work to handle, but you managed everything today, beginning at five in the morning and ending work twenty minutes ago. Lucky you he had given you the day off tomorrow hence you were able to celebrate Bee's birthday until late just as planned. If you wouldn't fall asleep before it started.

Feeling Tae's hand on your back, warm and protecting you looked up into a blushing face, his eyes avoiding yours. “You know that I want a cake to my birthday, too?”, you asked, your cheeks against his upper arm. Taehyung was a lot taller if he stood beside you and you loved that you could lean on him like this whenever you felt like it.

“When was your birthday again?”, he pouted, but you witnessed his edges twitching.

Acting mad you pushed him away, circling the table again to wrap your arm around his sister's shoulders. Whispering nonsense she started to giggle, her brother's eyes widening.

“It was a joke! Stop tattling, y/n, Carol!”, he shouted. “Come on. I know when you're birthday is!”

Shaking your heads you and your friend looked at each other. “She's mad now, Tae. You can go.”

“Yah, y/n. Don't come begging for me tonight”, Taehyung pointed at you, his face contoured in knowing might. “Or should I say come and beg for me, babe?”

“I can't hear anything. La la la”, Carol let go of you to hold her own ears like a little girl that was told to clean her room. “Dis-gus-ting”, she added, walking straight out of the room to get the drinks from the basement.

Laughing embarrassed you scratched your neck, throwing the glowing guy across from you a menacing glance.

“You better beg tonight, boy, because I won't be lying in your bed tonight”, you declared with a superior smirk at the falling face of his. “Excuse me, I have to decorate the table for Bee.”

Turning around with a grin you had to repress you fidgeted with the chain of lights you wanted to decorate the table with. Knots made it difficult, but what else took your attention was the guy pressing on your back, his hands around your shoulders to lay his chin on one of his arms next to your head.

“Babe”, Tae breathed out loud, a cold shiver running down your spine at the low voice of his. “Y/n”, another whisper ere his vocals echoed louder from the kitchen's walls. “I'll beg a lot. Chain me up and do things to me I never experienced. I'm so ready for you”, his suggesting, pretty nice, words were accompanied by his down low area pressing on your lower back, his erection rubbing over your light blouse you wore this day.

“Oh, boy, so needy?”, you giggled, letting go of the chain to turn around, his arms falling from your shoulders to land on your waist. “I'll think about it.”

Chirping those words you freed yourself from his grip, but was spun around a second later, your back meeting the coldness of the counter behind you. Taehyung's face came closer, his body holding you in place. “I tried to give you a chance once, y/n. Too bad you didn't agree immediately, because that means I have to be rough on you toni-”

“Oh my god, take a room.”

The guy holding you again froze at the shrill, female voice filling the room. Your eyes darted up to glare at Tae who had lied to you. Trying to shove him off he held your wrists so Mey couldn't see it, his voice a mere whisper.

“Bee invited Jimin, but I had no clue that she is coming as well. Fuck, I'm sorry, babe. “

“No babe right now”, you reacted as second larger steps entered the kitchen, pushing the boy so close to you away in one go. “You owe me something.”

“Y/n, let me-”

“I count on you tonight”, you still glared at him as you turned around to face the two people staring at you. “What is she doing here, Jimin? Bee invited you. Not your girlfriend”, confidently saying this you crossed your arms, Tae next to you also arching his dark eyebrows up.

“Dude, she's right. It's not good if she's here.”

The black haired young man dressed in a dark turtle neck pullover bit down his bottom lip, seemingly nervous to see you two and Mey in the same room. Most certainly did he know about the incident inside the store last weekend.

Looking from one person to another while Mey clung onto his sleeve, his soft voice fell from his plump lips. “I couldn't leave her alone, could I? We stay here as long as..our new home is ready to move in. Please consider her a guest as well. We won't be disturbing the peace, I promise.”

Jimin's dark orbs averted yours as he said that, his new girl nodding innocently. If it weren't for Bee's great day you'd have made a scene, asking if he knew of Mey's shitty behaviour towards you, but you guessed he already did. Not that she was the bad person in it, but you.

Sighing beside you, you were met by Tae's hand rubbing soothingly over your back. “Fine. Sit down, Mey. Jimin we need your help with the lights.”

Confused you wanted to explain that the chain of lights was for the table, but Taehyung shook his head slightly, taking it in his large hands and waving his friend to his side. Leaving the room with them you looked back shortly, Mey throwing you death stares you really didn't know why, but smiling was the best attack, so you did just that as you followed the two boys out of the room.

Coming to a halt inside the living room, Tae turned to Jimin, his eyes telling more than words could.

“It was her idea, wasn't it? Can't you see how y/n feels about all of this? You've no decency, Jimin.”

Your eyes shot wide at Tae's dangerous voice declaring such things to his best friend. Something inside you turned, your stomach roaring at him protecting you.

“I know, okay? And I'm really sorry, y/n”, looking your side Jimin showed you a sincere face, his cheeks flushed to the ears. “Mey's just..”

“A bitch”, you ended his sentence, two shocked pairs of eyes staring at you in doubt of your choice of words. “Oh come on, what do you expect me to say? She even-”, you stopped yourself. You didn't want to have pity from them hence you snatched the chain out of Tae's hands. “Where do you want to put them?”

Long silence was created whereas Jimin and his friend, your fuck buddy, watched you spreading the lights above the coffee table, knotting it on the lamp above it. If they didn't say anything you had to decide, and as you did you heard faint whispers from them, but you tried to ignore it as you climbed off of the table.

Taehyung rubbed his face ere he lay a shoulder on Jimin's shoulder, leaving you with restraint in his steps. Where was he going? And why did he leave you alone with him? It was one thing to spend tomorrow with him in order to hear him out, but with his new girl in the kitchen and your lover right next to her? Not okay. That was the reason why you hastily collected your shit and tried to escape from the awkward atmosphere Tae had left you in. And as Jimin then started to speak, too, you felt thrown into cold water. You weren't ready to deal with his words.

“Y/n, I don't want to go on like this”, his voice had a strange severity in it you never knew of, but his tone seemed to be beyond believe, a mask that he wanted to show. “The thing is, I want you to accept us just like I accept that you..you fuck my best friend, okay? You think it is easy for me to see you nearly humping each other in the kitchen?”

What a great way to exaggerate the situation in the kitchen, because there was no such thing as humping each other. Innocently flirting, nothing more.

“Oh come on, Jimin. I do accept it”, you crossed your arms in front of your chest again, your heartbeat fastening like crazy. “But she's just..she's..dishonest. She seems fake-”

“Stop”, Jimin shook his head, his dark thatch thrown from side to side. “You have no right to talk like that. Just keep quiet and accept it.”

Jimin showed you his back, visibly angry with you, but your own anger slowly drifted past your sentiment side of your brain that tried to sooth you and the whole damned situation he had brought you in by taking her to this gathering. This was the reason the next words left your lips. And by god, you enjoyed every single one of the syllables forming on your tongue like the venom you felt in your blood as he left you more than three years ago.

“You ask me to keep quiet? Just as I did the moment you let me fall into the snowy puddle? Accept the fact that she's here beside you now just as I was forced to accept you leaving me all of a sudden? I matured, Jimin. I won't keep my mouth shut a second longer”, you trembled from keeping your voice low so Mey wouldn't eavesdrop again. “I'm a full fetched woman that has her own way of thinking and I gladly accept that you turned your back to me, but I'll tell my opinion freely from now on, just as Tae told me to, unlike you.”

Your last words were louder than the previous sentences you told his back as you walked past Jimin, your eyes glued to a point in the distance to hold you back from saying even more and ruining your rather good mood, because it was Bee's birthday and you wouldn't spent it with a dropped face!

“I guess your words were enough for me to understand that you won't tell me anything more tomorrow. Let's cancel the talk”, you said, looking over your shoulder.

“No”, Jimin's voice was heard faintly behind you, making you stop. He took his time to talk more as to why you contemplated to just go, but his low voice kept you on the spot. “I don't want to talk about..all of this..Well, I do, but I want to hear you out as well. Don't cancel it, y/n.”

Why was he able to affect you so much? Your head spun. His voice, the begging sound of a craving you couldn't explain after he had bluntly told you to stay put. Now this? What was it he wanted? Your head in your neck you shifted to the side.

“Six pm. You have an hour.”

“More than enough.”

His dark, deep eyes locked with yours and you felt the urge to sit down and get lost in..Stop. Shaking your head you escaped the room with fast steps. Jimin followed you in a close distance, his body right behind you as you came to a halt in the kitchen door's frame. Mey was alone, no sight of Tae or Carol. Therefore you wanted to go again, but your body almost collided with your ex-boyfriend's.

“S-sorry”, you mumbled, but without anyone's notice you saw Jimin's hand shooting up to nearly help you steady your posture. His fingertips brushed over your hand and you could feel a tingling sensation where he touched you.

“No need to, join us”, he said, his voice a mixture of hope that you'd deny and of hope that you'd really join them for the time being. Torn between both you looked up, seeing that behind his chocolate eyes was more than he actually admitted. “Tae and Carol will be here in no time, so no need to hesitate.”

Nodding stiffly you felt heat tinging your cheeks in a rosy color. You had no choice with Mey's eyes piercing your back. That's why you jumped over your pride and sat down next to Jimin who took his seat across from Mey. It was the strangest fucking situation you found yourself in that you fished for your phone to write both your friends a message that they'd better move their asses faster into the kitchen. You also heard them upstairs preparing Bee's birthday present but you still wanted the time to go by. And as you heard the only other female voice you frowned. Why wouldn't she shut up once?

“Why were you two alone?”

You had difficulties not to roll your eyes at her blunt jealousy, but instead just smiled at Jimin in faked awe. He on the other side didn't grant you one look, talking as if nothing happened in the form of painful words being exchanged.

“We hung up the chain, nothing more.”

“Why's she looking at you like you confessed to her again?”, she pulled up her eyebrows, a bitching expression on her face that made you snicker quietly.

“Stop being jealous. I already told you last weekend that I have not the slightest interest in my ex thanks to Tae”, you mixed in into their conversation, hearing faint footsteps drawing closer.

Ignoring the slight flinch from the guy beside you, you concentrated on the crumbling innocence Mey's, laughing into your fist.

But before the situation took overhand and the Jimin died from holding his breath the door bell rang. You took the opportunity to jump up, running to the main door to greet your friend with a huge hug and a lot of flattering words on her birthday. The other's joined you and in no time you celebrated her birthday until late, eating cake and forgetting Mey as she was shut up by Bee the moment she saw her sitting in the kitchen. Jimin on the other side was smiling the entire evening, occasionally mixing in the talks and you almost – well, no, but it was okay – felt good enough in his presence.

“Y/n”, it was Taehyung who lay his hand on your thigh on the couch where you gathered to drink some champagne and hear music while Bee talked about her plans to celebrate her birthday big the next weeks.

Looking left and right you leaned in to listen to what he wanted to say, seeing that another pair of eyes watched you out of the corners. Jimin had drunken a few beer and if he was still the one he was years ago he couldn't hold his liquor. But that was none of your busy.

“I'm so hard right now, babe. I know it's Bee's birthday, but my balls hurt already and you look way too fine tonight.” His red lips kissed you underneath your ear slowly, wet, his deep vocals a breathing the next words into your ear. “The offer still stands. Chain me up and I'll be-”

“I'd rather you fuck me rough”, you shifted your head to the side, whispering those naughty words in his own ear. “Now.”

It was the best of opportunities to get away from the watching eyes of your ex-boyfriend who still managed to drive you crazy with his girl beside him, stroking his thigh lasciviously for the last two hours. Taehyung didn't need to be told twice, standing up and pulling you behind him with the words: “Nice party, see you guys. Don't wait for us.”

Groaning got loud and you recognized Carol's as the loudest, but you couldn't stop yourself but to glance back at the only other guy in the room. His face was redder than before, his expression ice cold and eyes lingering on your hand holding Tae's.

The moment I lay in bed I couldn't focus on the tiredness that desperately tried to lull me into sleep. Not as long as your voice droned faintly through the way too thin walls of my best friend's house. Moans, hisses and muffled conversations I really didn't want to hear were heard. Your moans. Your hisses. Your voice talking to none other than..

Rolling around the hundredths time already I faced the sleeping figure of the girl I brought here with me. Her dark, short hair was all over her sleeping face, but I didn't brush it away, my hands clenched into fists at the sounds reaching my ears.

“Stop sounding so cute”, I whispered into the dark, my eyes glued to a point above Mey's head, her mouth slightly agape.

My hands did sloppy work as I tried to abandon your moans calling out to another guy, my mind full and blurry from the night, the bit of alcohol I wasn't good at and you. How could you dare to throw such words at me? How-? No, it was wrong, and that's what I knew myself. You did nothing wrong as it was me, who did shit in the past that no one, not even my will to do so, could change. If I were able to turn back time..would I change the past? Deep inside the blur that was my mind I knew that I wouldn't be strong enough to do so, despite your crying face, the precious tears of yours falling from your chin. If I stayed with you, what would have happened to Mey? And if-

Too many 'ifs'. Past is past. Now is now. And now, I really wanted to dive into a dreamless sleep that wasn't full of nightmares anymore, but I couldn't, your voice too loud and the excitement mixed with ultimate fear because of tomorrow only making it worse.

Sitting up, the warmth of the blanket on my lap I thought about tomorrow. Would you listen to me? What would you say if I explained what drove me to leave you? Would it change the way you see me? As heartless monster? Vague, maybe. But hope was the last thing I wanted to let go of.

Standing up, dressing into a shirt and sweatpants I tip toed through the room I knew was Tae's old bedroom, now guest room towards the door next to ours. The voice of yours was as feminine and hungry as I remembered, my throat dry and I cursed myself for getting turned on at the noises you two made, but it was enough. Three hours. Three fucking hours ago you two disappeared upstairs to..have sex. And right now my nerves twitched although it was only a faint sound that slipped into my room.

Taking all my courage I knocked on Tae's door, the sounds stopping immediately as if they'd feel caught. What they were. I waited a few seconds before I heard my friend muttering apologies and curses, the key turning in it's lock. What I say made me mad, but I wasn't in any position to protest at the sight. Taehyung was always the womanizer, his humour and good looks catching every girl's heart, but yours? I never believed you'd be the one spread out on that bed I had spent nights in with my best friend, talking about girls – mostly you in my case – and watching some adult movies. But seeing you pulling up the blanket underneath your chin, the softness of your skin peeking out at the side, your curves showing slightly..

“Dude, what do you want?”, Tae took all of my attention away from you by pulling the door close as he stepped on the floor. But I wanted nothing more than to stare some more at you..

“W-would you mind being a bit quieter?”, I blurted out, my voice a shadow of what was going on inside me. “I mean, go on, but please. We talked about it just last week that I-”

“Sorry, Jimin. I forgot because she's just so fucking..never mind. We'll be silent, I promise.”

Nodding I had to refrain from pushing him away and rushing inside to wrap you in my own clothes, taking you out to bring you..bring you where? To Mey? I couldn't think clearly anymore hence I nodded again, going back in my own room where you weren't..

Inside I felt like my blood boiled, my stomach turning upside down and then she turned around, her eyes opened a crack, searching for me in the dark.

“Jiminie? Come to bed”, her raspy voice sounded desperate, afraid of something I couldn't grab, but as I saw the panic washing over her face there was only one thing I could do.

My arm wrapped over her body, that was so much larger than yours, I stroked over her arm that she held close to her chest. She smelled like shampoo, but it wasn't the one you used as I leaned back a bit to close my eyes..until I heard you giggling in the room next to ours.

It was awkward to sit down beside Tae and his sister who was hungover the next morning, Jimin and his girl, Mey, across from you three. Silence was all you heard and the constant crunching sound whenever someone decided to take a bite from their roll you had bought this morning. You still contemplated how Jimin wanted to pick you up as you were sure that he didn't tell Mey his plans. The morning went by too slow for you, the breakfast a torture as you didn't know where to look at and the worst part that you felt Jimin's eyes on you from time to time, Tae's, too. But after two more hours you were finally released from all of it, going home and taking a long ass shower ere you went to Mrs. Won's to chat a bit, telling her who was back.

“Y/n, sweetie, that's what I wanted to tell you as you visited the last time”, the old lady lay her wrinkled hand on your shoulder over the small table in the back of her boutique where you two sat and drank tea for an hour now. “Don't let him down now, sweetie. He is back, fight for him.”

“Fight?”, you asked in confusion, your voice getting higher. “I'll fight his ass, but definitely not because I want him back! Granny, you're insane!”

“Oh dear, you two are blind”, she nipped on her tea with a glance your way and back to a customer who slandered the small shop. “He came here and told me a lot and I guess that's why he invited you today as well. Use your pretty head when he talks to you.”

Standing up to level out her petite, flowery dress that was way too chilly for a cold day like this, Mrs Won shot you a view only she could, a brighter smile appearing on your gloomy face. She believed in your, be it the one way or the other, but you knew who would catch you if you fell again.

“Thanks, granny”, you stepped towards her, hugging her shortly with a kiss on her warm, rosy cheek. “Guess I shouldn't let him wait at least.”

Nodding her strict bun wobbled before you received a flick on your forehead. “Go no, girl, and don't forget to tell me how it went!”

Laughing and rubbing your forehead from her strong flick you you waved her goodbye, opening the boutique's door, the bell ringing, and the cold air taking your breath away for a split second. Thankfully you had written Bee a text that she should write Jimin to pick you up at Mrs Won's at six instead of your home. Yes, you still didn't exchange phone numbers and to be honest you didn't want to neither. It would end up in chaos, texting, chatting daily, photos..as if. You almost laughed out loud in the street light you stood under to be seen for the guy you wanted to pick you up in like two minutes. Even though you tried to control your heartbeat, it went faster by the second until it was a staccato that bumped inside your chest and it beat even harder as you saw the black car you've seen in front of Taehyung's house driving around the corner. It was time to face the talk you didn't want to hold and asked yourself why you agreed.

Biting your inner cheek you put on a straight mask, hiding the many emotions rushing over your flushed face as you climbed onto the passenger's seat next to Jimin. He smiled softly at you, the same pursing of his plump lips you adored so much years ago, only manlier these days.

“Did you wait long? I drove as fast as I could, but you know the other drivers are a pest if it's cold”, Jimin's voice was quiet while his shaking hand turned off the radio.

“No, I was at Mrs Won's the entire day”, you answered him without ever looking to the side again, your voice laced with nothingness.

Swallowing loudly he nodded as fas as you could see, his eyes glued to the street as he began to drive through the Christmas lights illuminated city. The air was cosy hence you pealed yourself out of your black jacket and the beanie on your head, folding your clothes and laying it on your lap.

“You're still doing it?”, his slight laugh made you look up. Jimin pointed on your lap where the neatly folded jacket lay.

“Y-yeah”, you stuttered, your cheeks tinging a lot darker after he had pointed out a habit only he knew. “Where are we going?”

The question filled the room, impatience in your vocals mixed within shyness. It was strange, uncommon and highly awkward to sit so near him. How long did you long for this situation to come? Two years? Three? Always? Deep inside you, you knew that he still hung on an edge on your heart, but at the same time you knew how wrong it was. Park Jimin had left you. Cold. Crying. Alone in a puddle. Those thoughts outlined the past mercilessly, pushing you back to reality instead of lulling you into a fake reality you wished was still true..

“A place we're alone and where you can't escape from the talk.”

“Escape? I would never..”, you began, but shut your mouth at the truth behind the words. “Okay, true.”

“See?”

“Mhm.”

In the corner of your eyes you saw Jimin running his hand through his silky hair that shone in the lights passing by your car ere he drove around a corner up towards a path that got up to a peek. Wide eyed you shifted to the side, your hands on the door's frame.

“We-we're going to the peek?”, you hated yourself for the excitement in your voice, but it was a spot you always wanted to come to at night, but hadn't the courage because it was the place Jimin had brought you for your first real date at a sunny day two weeks after he had confessed to you. And if you believed people it was the most beautiful spot to watch the stars at a night like this, if it wasn't one that clouded the shining dots in the sky, like tonight.

Clearing his throat he parked the car a few hundred metres higher the small road, no other car or a sign of life in sight. You felt nervous, but at the same time you couldn't help but to want to get out of the car to the actual peek to see how many stars you would be able to count. But you refrain from doing this, waiting for Jimin to give you any sign to do so or sit back and wait for him to finally start the painful conversation.

“We're here because you cannot run away the entire way back”, his voice was quiet again, but you heard the grief in it. “Well, do you want to take a look first?”

Weighing your options you decided that you wanted to give it a try before you were crushed again. What a great way to die a second time.

Outside your breath formed in front of your face.

“You should get your jacket, y/n”, was all you heard ere his hands reached down for your coat to hand it to you. “I don't want you to get sick because of me.”

“Too late”, you mumbled, taking the jacket and scarf to tightly wrap it around your body. It wasn't fair to say this, not after you had to see sorrow washing over his face, but what was said was said.

Silently walking beside him your eyes got wider whereas you witnessed no stars in the sky, but the city was so light illuminated from all the Christmas decorations you were astonished.

“It's so beautiful! Look! I can see my parents'-” You stopped yourself. It was wrong to talk amazed by the scenery and definitely not with Jimin, but even if he got that and may have felt embarrassed and hurt he didn't show it, his body getting closer to your own, your arms subtly touching.

“I never came here at night, but it's really something, huh? Luckily it gets dark early.”

Jimin was a soft person, always dreaming high and looking after the people around him as to why you had to swallow back the knot in your throat, a wetness coating your eyes at the thought of him caring about none other but you. Lights and stars were a soothing therapy if you were by yourself, but seeing all of this with the boy who broke your heart you felt shattered. All of a sudden you sniffed violently, holding back the storm that loomed inside your orbs.

“Y-y/n”, it was panic you heard in his vocals, his hand absent-mindedly enclosing around your upper arm to turn you around. “We didn't even start! Stop crying!”

At the sound of his voice, his hand on your arm the dam broke. In no time your lower lip quivered, the back of your hand covering your eyes as small sobs left your lips. Too late to stop now you let it out just like this, crying your eyes out until you felt no tears coming anymore, but that wasn't all as you were pulled into wide arms, wrapped in a tight embrace. Your face was pulled against his shoulder where you frantically sobbed against. Of course this wasn't how you wanted to be seen. Fragile. Dependent. Crumbled and lonely. But that was what you were. All of it at once as you clung onto Jimin's upper body, your arms flexing from the menacing grip on his waist. Why did it feel so dangerously good? Familiar and like home, your head being stroked while his usual softness whispered nonsense in your ear to calm you down.

“Hey, hey, hey, y/n, I'm here, okay? I hate to see it, but cry as much as you want if I'm the cause. Let it all out.” A short break as your sobs got louder. “Y/n, princess, it's alright. We can go if you want..”

You froze in place, your hands loosing their strength. Princess. At this point you felt the urge to fall on your knees, but you couldn't. Hence you pushed him off of you, your face a mess, your hair feeling heavy from the way too lovable stroking of his.

“Never call me that ever again”, you stuttered in between your twitching voice, a shadow of itself. Your throat was hoarse and sore, your cheeks heated. “You already have someone new by your side you can call this ridiculous nickname. I hated it anyway”, you lied, the words piercing your soul more than his as Jimin just stood there, a glimmer in his brown orbs. He cried, too. “T-talk. Now or never.”

It was enough now. Twenty minutes you had clung onto him like a bag of rice, a nuisance to the young man you once loved. Loved. Yes, loved. Trembling you gnawed on your bottom lip to make it stop quivering whereas Jimin sighed, his eyes avoiding yours.

“I'm sorry that I called you, whatever you said about it”, he began, his hands shoved in his pockets. He looked like a shy, little boy that had to explain the shit he did with the other kids. “I-I.. Y/n.. The time..it were long three and a half years..”

“I have time.”

Scratching the back of his head he pulled his lips in between his teeth. “I don't want to turn back time anymore. It all happened because it was necessary. Believe me, it was a like a nightmare to leave you like this that one day I had to go. It-it..” Jimin stopped, his lips red by how hard he bit on it out of nervo1usness and to hold back his own tears as you saw.

That's why you jumped over your shadow, over your pride and promises, your fingers grazing his hand, silently telling him to follow you back to the car as you didn't trust your own voice. The pretty guy understood, his hands wiping of lost droplets from his flushed cheeks. Inside you turned on the heater for a few minutes to warm up the car again, the scenery you took a glimpse of long forgotten.

“Tell me why you left”, you commanded as he was composed enough.

Nodding reluctantly he began his story, your voice not once filling the compressed air.

“It's not easy to describe it, y/n. But do you remember that one night we spent together and Mey called crying over the phone?” You nodded. “It all started years ago. She had a difficult home, her parents strict and violating her daily. My own parents helped her up, so we basically grew up together. But that's just unnecessary. So, when she called that night something had happened at home although she had moved out years ago, but her stepfather fought with her mom and it all escalated. Mey was on the bottom asking for my help and should I have left her alone in her despair?” Jimin looked at you, but as no sign or emotion responded went on.

“You told me I should help her, but what I saw at Mey's home was worse than I had imagined. Not one stone lay on the other anymore, her flat a mess, her entire life upside down again. And then my parents lulled me into helping her more than anyone else did. More than you did. And lastly I stood between you and her.” Your heart clenched at the thought that he chose her over you, his girlfriend. “I felt sympathy for her situation as I knew where she came from and I wanted to do everything to get her out of her nightmares. And I knew very well what that meant. I had to bring the strongest, most stubborn girl I love to the ground to help the other one up, because she's the one that's weak and I was confident that you would get up and fight. You did. She didn't.”

What did he want now? Empathy for her situation? Of course she went through hell, but that was none of his business anymore.

“To be honest I was too young to decide to go back, but I saw no other choice-”

“You could've asked me for help”, you threw in, his eyes widening.

“You-you..”, he paused, gulping. “I never thought about that. But now we're where we are and I want to tell you that I always loved you, y/n. Always.. It was just that she needed someone by her side. She had no one so it was my duty to be by her side, and so I was. The time I left that day you waved me good-bye at the train station I was sure to come back with her, so you could meet her, but it all went a different way. She was bound to stay where she lived and I had to move in to protect her from herself and her family. She got stronger-”

“Do we have to talk about her the entire time? Why did you leave me?” You lost your patience. She. She. Mey. She.

“I left because I had to help her.”

“Alone?”

“I couldn't bring you as well. She was down and needed me, y/n. I promised to stay with her as long as she felt like she is right now, and it doesn't get better. Mey's still sick, her depression not cured or anything near okay that's why I left. Definitely not because I didn't love you anymore. It was just time to part and do good to the people who received nothing but pain. I'm really sorry, y/n.”

That's it? He left because he had to help another girl? Because he promised her to stay with her as long as she was mentally ill?

“I get the point in your hero like actions, but why did you end our relationship? We could still be together-”

“No, we couldn't”, he interrupted you, his brows furrowing. “Mey told me that she needed only me and that every other person would make her even more insecure, that she searched peace in me being there, nobody else. She wanted nothing but to be loved by a friend”, his voice showed the anger that started to evolve. “Should I just let her destroy herself? You are strong, you have a family that loves you, friends that would die for you, but what did she have? No one. Nothing. Pain and sorrow.”

It was nonsense he spoke. Not a trace of understanding you in all of this. Only seeing the side of the girl who desperately tried to take him from you. Parts of that story felt too fake that you had no other choice but to doubt her even more. She wanted help? Why only Jimin's? Why not finding friends in you and the others that could've helped her also?

Breathing in deeply you turned to the side. “You left me because she wanted you to?”

“Wh-”

“What did she say as you told her you have a girlfriend?”, you bored, wanting him to admit what you assumed inside you.

Instead of a steady, confident answer all you got was silence and a blank expression. You knew it. He had never, not once, thought about it. Just believed Mey's words like a blind man.

“You left me because you wanted to help her? Why wouldn't she take professional help and make friends with your closest ones in the first place? Why did you have to move into a city so far away for her? And why didn't you tell me all about it from the beginning?”, your voice cracked, tears burning behind your eyes as you fathomed what caused your breakup.

Holding his head he growled, a sound pretty new to you in another context than sex. “Stop it, y/n. You know nothing about what actually happened!” His voice got louder and louder, but you didn't back off.

“So what? Leaving me behind in a dirty puddle was okay then? You never loved me in the first place, right? It was easier to get rid of me to get to another girl than to tell me in my face that you-”

“Shut up!”, Jimin shouted. “Y/n, I fucking love you more than my own fucking life. It's unfair to hear this shit coming out of the one mouth that I would have never dared to think about saying such things! You always mean the world to me okay?”

Shaking you head you straightened yourself, tears streaming down your face again. “Then be honest you jerk! What did she say about me?”

“She..”, he stopped shouting as realisation hit him, you saw it seeking in. “She said that you'd hinder me in helping her. That you're no good for the both of us and she'll never be happy and healthy if you stayed by my side..Fuck..y/n, she needed m-me..”

Quieter and quieter his vocals got, his eyes never blinking once while his fingers clung onto the driver's wheel. He shook and so did you. It was her.

“Tell her she did a great job, because honestly. If I'd have been there, I'd have never helped her, because she's in love and I bet she always was, Jimin”, you closed your jacket. “Let me tell you that I never stopped loving you. Not even now. You're a jerk and a blind man to her actions.” You opened the door, letting the cold air inside. “She wanted you to break up with me because only then she'd be able to get her life back? Why's she still depressed and cranky then? Does she want you to stay with her as her boyfriend? Because if that was her plan and if she only wants to let you go if she's fully okay, then you've lost your life, boy and she won over the both of us.” You got off of the seat that was already nicely warm, walking straight towards the thickly vegetated trees. In the distance you witnessed Jimin turning the car, driving full speed beside you, the window dropped.

“Get in.”

“No thank you. You were right with your assumption that I'd want to escape, because that's what I do.”

The breaks screeched before you were spun around, faced with a heavy panting, raging Jimin.

“For fuck's sake, y/n! Even if you're right with all you said, don't think I'm able to break off all strings attached now! She's still sick and needs me!”

“Blind idiot”, you mumbled, but stopped moving, the headlights of the black car lighting your way. “You really believe her?”

“I-I..do.”

Laughing out loud you shook your head, angry with the man in front of you. “So naïve, Jimin. You said she'll be back to her normal self fast if you were by her side, right? Why's she still like this?”

Breathing out a salve of warm air that formed in front of your faces, he closed his eyes. “I don't know, okay? But one thing I know. The talk isn't over. You're still so..”

“Angry? Hurt? Feeling as if my heart is ripped out after your confession that she wanted us to break up? And you actually did like she said without questioning her one tiny bit?”

“That-”

“No, Park Jimin. Just, no. I accept that you chose her because of health issues, but why are you a couple? Did she say it gets even faster if you fucked her, kissed her?”, you laughed bitterly, your face contoured in disbelieve and disgust. “Oh, come on.”

Holding still Jimin ran his free hand through his hair, clearly nervous from your words. “We aren't a couple.”

Nodding sarcastically you smacked his hand away. “At first I felt pity for you as you cried there”, you pointed behind his back to the peek where the lights still were too beautiful to ignore. “But now I feel messed around. If you want to make a joke of myself, you did a great job, because I feel like shit now.”

“We never fucked or anything”, he burst, his hands holding onto your shoulders as you wanted to turn away. “Yes, I left you. I can't change that anymore, but I want to change the way you think about me, y/n. See me as you saw me once. A nice guy that does everything for you to forgive me. I want to see you smile and make everyone happy! Just why aren't you all doing that?”

“You said you're strong? Weak is what you are, Park Jimin. Seeing everyone around you smiling and happy and laughing while you don't have what you yearn for? Love yourself first before you try to make Mey love herself, because you're not the guy I used to love. The boy was cheerful, charming, soft and funny, but what are you now? Shy, reserved, never smiling since I saw you back in the city. You're a shadow of the person you once was. Yes, in the past you acted strong, but that's gone now, too.”

Silence surrounded you accompanied by the quiet sounds of rustles in the trees around you. Was it too much for one night? Did you say hurtful things?

“Maybe I lack someone that makes me feel myself..yeah..”, he answered, his voice calm, seeking a feeling he had long lost. “You're right, y/n, I'm weak. Never was strong enough to help Mey in the first place. But I want to change her. I want to change myself.”

Jimin craved nothing but other's happiness, losing his own and himself in the process, you understood that as he broke down in front of you. His head hanging, his shoulders falling like the hands that held you steady falling to his side with faint, quiet sobs falling from his lips accompanied by tears landing on the ground.

Torn between the option of getting away, never looking back to the guy that dared to leave you for..for another girl who claimed to seek help in him, but wanted nothing more than a man by her side to love her, to leave his girlfriend for her own selfish reasons – okay, maybe she was mentally unstable, but that wasn't an excuse. The other option was to lead Jimin into his old life with the high chance of getting hurt the same way he did three years ago. Throwing your head back you prayed to the heavens.

“Come.”

Teary eyed, pale and sniffling he lifted his eyes to meet your cold ones. Your hand held out to reach for his you waited for him to grab it. You were a bitch after he left you, fucked and sucked around, but seeing him like this was enough even for someone who slept with his best friend. Therefore you got impatient as Jimin let you wait with confusion behind his deep view.

“I want to escape”, you said, adding words which were able to lighten the mood, also you felt as if your heart lay on the ground and someone danced on it, “Wanna grab a coffee and talk?”

Closing his eyes you watched how his lower, pink lip trembling as to why you leaned forward to get hold of his ice cold hand that was covered by his large hoodie. You wanted to escape. Escape into a reality where everything was how it has been years ago, Jimin by your side, loved and adored by him, but that wasn't how real life worked while you escorted him on the passenger's seat. Starting the roaring engine of the sports car you drove in silence past the scenery you had watched for a short time on the peek, the boy you buried his face in his hoodie, eyes puffy and tip of his nose reddened beside you.

Arriving at a small café near Mrs Won's shop that was quite new you sat down across from each other on the padded chairs on the window's side where you watched people from your warm place inside, still no words spoken by the two of you. A big cocoa and a hot latte served by a young waitress that shot you her perfect smile you stared at Jimin who didn't dare to meet your eyes.

“How are you in general?”, you started the conversation lightly. “And foremost your parents?”

“Oh”, the handsome, blushing guy with the hot latte between his fingers shrugged his rather slim shoulders. “They moved out last summer, but they're still close. Around a hundred kilometres from this city they found a huge house. But they're fine, I guess.”

Nodding you sipped on your warm drink, the darkness of a late evening outside the shop while quiet Christmas music sounded through the café. Four weeks to go. Late November. You didn't know what to respond and how to react at everything going on, but you tried for the sake of your heart's sanity and for the boy you had long lost in a cluster of deceiving words from someone who wasn't involved most of the time you two dated.

Nervously brushing your hair behind your ears, your make up ruined hours ago as you cried your heart out, you roamed the shop with your eyes as long as you weren't forced to see the emotions on Jimin's face. “That's good to hear”, you casually said while still avoiding his eyes.

“Y-you? How are you, y/n?”, he asked, his head shooting up, his lips gently biting. “I mean, I know it was hard, sorry for asking dumb-”

“It's okay”, you interrupted him. It wasn't like Jimin to feel sorry for asking someone how they were or politely apologising for that kind of care. “Tae, Bee and Carol also stayed by my side and it was okay, actually. Really.” It was not, but that's what he must've noticed so far. “But I want to look forward, forgetting that shit again that haunted my the past years. You're back with your girlfriend”, he waved a no, but you continued, “ and I have to accept how it is just as you accept Tae hooking up with me.”

Testing his reaction you were surprised to see him furrowing his dark eyebrows. “I don't accept it. It's making me sick to see you with him and especially at night when I hear..well, I hate it.”

You guessed it was hard for him at some points as well, but this? Why did it make your heart go faster, bumping heavily against your chest? This wasn't right.

Hearing another Christmas song play in the background you felt how your cheeks got pinker, your blood rush heard in your ears. “It's just weird seeing the other with someone else, isn't it?”

“Yeah..” There was more he wanted to say, but he found no courage to do so as to why he simply snatched topics from the place. “Is it okay for me to say that I still miss you? I me-mean the talks.”

Nodding away the embarrassment you hastily sipped on your cocoa that was too sweet. “Me, too.”

“Can we exchange phone numbers? T-to chat if necessary?”, Jimin reached for his phone laying flatly on the table close to his drink, but as he unlocked it his eyes flew your way and back down the screen, his face redder than ever.

Curiously you dared to sit straighter, looking where his eyes were glued to, the saliva in your throat stuck. “You still have it as your background?” Wide oculars stared at him and the way he tried to hide his phone from your open stare.

It was too late obviously, the boy with the dark hair busted.

“It's so embarrassing, y/n. Please forget it”, his hands covering his face with his signature sweater paws Jimin's ears were red.

“It's cute”, you mumbled, your view glancing down his state with a faint smile, the first you granted him after he came back. And all at once he was back to his usual, his eyes brown getting wider, a soft curve pursing his pink lips up.

An eternity passed while you two inspected each other's face, taking in the details you remembered and finding new things in that you could stare at forever as if someone switched on a button that excluded you from the outside. Jimin matured to the point it hurt. His chubby cheeks were gone, his eyes wider, his lips the same curve they always had while he got broader and even more handsome..but that wasn't all you recognized.

“Your crooked tooth got fixed!”

Woken by your loud voice Jimin flinched, his searching pupils coming to a halt on your lips. “You noticed just now?” His voice was low whereas he shot you a charming smile that made you shudder. He better stopped doing that.

“I feel as if I look at you for the first time since you're back”, you confessed, your gaze not wavering one second. It was as if you watched a canvas, art, and still had no clue how to fill your body with the many details you had missed out on.

The handsome with the huge hoodie ran his hand through his hair, the nervous habit he couldn't shake off. “I really want to say the same, but that'll be a lie.”

Holding your breath you leaned back on the rest in your back, your head narrowed on your lap. The evening and early night was a banter of confusion, but you felt strangely free as you talked a bit with the boy you had missed sitting there, his eyes lingering on you. Whatever happened from this point onwards. It was undeniable that old, buried feelings dug themselves out of their grave.

“W-we should go”, you cleared your throat, gulping down your warm drink. “You make me nervous, Jimin.”

“You don't. I feel at ease for the first time since I left you.”

No. No. No. Shaking your hair you stood up, waiting for the guy to do it alike.

“Wanna bring me home or do you have plans with..you know with Mey?”, the name spilling from your lips felt like it burned on your tongue.

As if he also felt the burn on his body your ex-boyfriend shot up, grabbing his coat and throwing on his black scarf. He then told you to wait a minute whereas he paid for both your orders and by the time he escorted you out of the café it felt like a real date, also it was only a talk between two familiar strangers who desperately tried to handle the whole situation.

Holding him back you shook your head, your beanie pulled over your ears. “My apartment is two blogs down there”, you gestured in a vague direction. “No need to drive me.”

“But you asked me if I wanted to make sure that you get some safely”, confused words followed by a puppy like expression you shot him a tiny smile before you tugged at his coat, walking with your hand grabbing it absent-mindedly.

“We walk”, you said, determined to pull him behind you while you moved down the road from one lamppost to another. “The first thing we change is to stop being lazy and enjoy a night like we.. like the old you used to tell me.”

Jimin's stepped that followed you easily got slower until he didn't move any longer and you had to look back, asking him silently what was wrong. Letting go of his thick coat you turned around completely, your face lifted into his. “What's wrong?”

Taking your hand in his, the warmth in his fingertips tingling on your skin as he positioned it back to the hem of his sleeve where you had dragged him down the pavement. “Don't let go yet. May I ask you something, y/n?” Tilting your head he went on, breathing in deeply. “Do you want to help me out of this hole because you still love me? Or do you help me and Mey because you want her to get up as well?”

Dodging his question because you didn't want to disappoint any of you, you shook your head in denial. “I want you to be yourself.”

Not waiting for another reply you spun around, pulling him by the sleeve, your fingers sliding down the fabric. Jimin and you exchanged a shocked glance ere your eyes slowly narrowed down your hands enclosed tightly around the other. Neither he nor you let go, but as you gently pulled your hand out his grip got harder, pulling you in him instead of shoving you away.

“Y-you're cold, aren't you? Your hand is freezing”, softness was laced within an unfathomable emotion you ignored because right now you had to solve your own problems and hidden feelings that threatened to break free. Jimin bit down his plump bottom lip, letting go of your hand to unwrap his scarf, delicately laying it around your neck. “You need it more than me.” With that he gradually drew closer, his hand searching your own and you had no choice but to nod an okay.

“J-just this once”, you whispered while you two began to walk again, your apartment already in sight whereas you two walked by each other's side in absolute quietness. Your numb fingers got warm thanks to his heat, his skin prickling on yours.. “We're here.”

Inspecting the house your apartment was in Jimin nodded disappointed, his hand not letting you go. “I'll see you?”

“You bet.”

Squeezing his fingers around yours he parted from you, turning away from you, but you still had your eyes glued on his back as he took a few steps. So that's where the start line was drawn, hm?, you asked yourself, afraid of what the future might bring. Afraid of the tight clench around your heart that ached for the young man that suddenly stopped a couple of metres on the pavement you came from, but you didn't saw that because you already turned the key in your main door's lock, subtly pushing it open as his hand touched your shoulder, spinning you around. Wide eyed you flinched at the closeness between the two of you.

“I'm sorry, y/n.”

Scrunching your face you opened your mouth. “What-”

You couldn't fathom if time stood still or raced past you in unimaginable speed. Jimin's lips pressed on yours, the delicacy of his mouth softly taking yours, tasting you with a slow dance of his pretty lips on your own. Closing your eyes in attempt to push him away in the next second you caught yourself responding to his sudden kiss, a wave of unfulfilled desire washing you away on the spot. And then the way too beautiful, actually short sensation on your lips that spread warmth in your bones and blood was gone as fast as it came and you stood on your porch with swollen lips and flushed cheeks, disbelievingly staring at the young man who blushed as well, his smile knocking you off of your feet.

“You taste even sweeter than before”, Jimin's voice was deep and husky, slightly reluctant as he scratched his neck and walked away with fast steps, turning back to wave shyly at you ere he was gone with his hands covering his face, leaving you standing there with a perplexed expression on your face.

Jimin was back and he was able to open the drawers to your feelings for him once more..if there weren't the girl you didn't notice standing on the other side of the road..

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