#and this middle aged korean man was in shock and started speaking to me in korean LMAO | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lethal-k · 4 years

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Mi Corazón (JHS)

Hey all! Amanda here! I think I’m in love with this couple. I usually try not to define my character’s race, ethnicity, or nationality, but I really wanted to base this imagine loosely on my family’s old block parties. Plus, the lack of Hispanic representation within American literature is crazy, but it’s getting better as each day goes by! I just wanted to contribute to that! If you’re interested in me making imagines based on other cultures or anything, feel free to request it, just know that it may not be as rooted as this one, simply because this is my own heritage and I will have to do a lot of research on other cultures before diving in. Anyway, I also wanted an excuse to write an imagine where one of the members has to dance to Latin music because Latin music is so romantic. Hobi just seemed to fit the theme I was going for. Anyway, if you like this imagine please heart it, reblog it, and follow me! I love y’all, stay safe, and borahae <3

Genre: established relationship! au, fluff

Pairing: Hoseok x reader

Word Count: 4.3K

Warnings: swearing, google-translated Spanish, pining and simping, mentions of cartels and gangs, small mentions of immigration, literally one of the most endearing couples I have ever written.

Summary: Y/n takes Hobi to meet her family at one of their famous Miami block parties.

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“What if they don’t accept me..” Hobi mutters while you guys search for a parking spot on the street.

You glance at him, “What do you mean? What is there to not like about you?” You flash him a smile before returning your attention to the street, “This is ridiculous, I’m literally their child, I should get VIP parking for God’s sake.” you mutter while shaking your head.

Hoseok chuckles at you, “There’s one,” He points out a spot and you quickly start parking in between the two cars. He sort of deflates in his passenger seat while looking at the street lined with cars and the house that bustled with life. “What if they don’t accept me because I’m Korean? What if they think I’m not good enough for you because I can’t speak Spanish or dance well like you? What if they think my career is too much and that I won’t be able to take care of you?” He expresses his worries out loud.

You put the car in park before turning to face him in the seat. Leaning towards him, you grab his chin in your hand and squish his cheeks together. “Don’t worry, mi amor. My family moved into the U.S. from Mexico so they know what it feels like to not fully know a language while surrounded by English-speakers. They won’t judge you.”

“Bu-” he tried to cut in.

“Shh,” you shush him and put your finger on his lips, “I taught you different latin dance styles last week and you caught on super quickly. You’re making an effort to learn my language and they already know I can damn well take care of my own self but if they mention anything negative about your career then I will step in and tell them off. Okay? Stop worrying, they will love you.” He sighed and nodded, looking a little nervous. “Good, now let us go.” You give him a quick peck before getting out of the car.

Your parents had moved into the U.S. from the dangerous city of Culiacán, Sinaloa in Mexico in 1992. Six years before you were born. They had moved due to the dangers of the infamous Sinaloa cartel. They decided, instead, to settle down in Miami, Florida. Where they had you, your little brother, and your baby brother and sister. The youngest two are twins. You are their oldest child, now at age 22. Your little brother, Pedro, is now 19 and the twins, Miguel and Rosalína, are both 15. All of you grew up in the house that you and your boyfriend of 11 months are walking up to now.

Two years ago, you had moved to Seoul, Korea in hopes of reaching your dream to become a fashion designer. You chose South Korea because, well c’mon, Korean fashion is to die for. It also was not as cliche as New York, California, or Paris. A year and some months into living in Seoul, you met Hobi. Of course you knew who he was, but you treated him as any individual, which he took a liking to. Fast forward another month or two and you two started dating and now you are here, walking on your childhood street, up to your childhood home, about to meet your family and childhood friends. Yeah, you could say today was pretty special.

You two were walking up when all of a sudden a young woman who seemed to be the same age popped up in front of you both. “Y/n!!” She squealed.

Your smile grew wide and you pulled the girl into a bone-crushing hug, “Ay, Carlita! Cómo has estado?”

“Bien, bien.” She smiled back before glancing at your boyfriend, “Who is this?”

You looked next to you and saw Hobi standing there, hands behind his back, and a shy smile on his face. You held out your hand towards him and he quickly took it, “Carlita, this is my boyfriend, Hoseok. Hobi, this is my childhood best friend, Carlita.”

She smiled warmly before holding out her hand which he shook, “Hello there! It’s nice to finally meet the mysterious boyfriend.”

Hobi chuckled and nodded at her, “It’s nice to meet you too.” His accent came out a bit and you smiled at his shy behavior.

“Would you happen to know where everyone else is?” You asked, sort of wanting to get introductions done and over with so you can party with your boyfriend and family.

She shrugged, “I know that Pedro is playing video games with the boys in his room, I have no idea where everyone else is at.”

You sighed and shook your head while smirking, “That boy and his video games.”

Carlita giggled at you before walking off, “Well welcome back home and it was nice to meet you, Hoseok! Maybe we can catch up more later but right now I have to stop Tío Edgardo from skateboarding. Old man claims that he is trying to regain his youth.” she rolls her eyes.

You laughed at her and nodded.

“She seems nice.” Hobi commented in Korean.

You smiled at him before grabbing his hand, “C’mon, let's go meet my little brother.”

The two of you walked throughout your home before coming to a door in the hallway. You open it without knocking and low and behold, there is Pedro and a couple of friends playing Mario Kart. From the looks of it, your brother is losing terribly.

“Pedroo.” You sing out his name in hopes of getting his attention.

“What is it?” He asks, not looking up from the screen. You scoff at his reaction.

“What? No, ‘hello sister’, ‘how are you sister’, ‘who is that man with you sister’” You tease.

He shrugs, “Dude. Mario Kart. Priorities.”

Your jaw drops and Hobi starts laughing hysterically. “This is what I get after saving your ass from mom and dad for years. The complete and utter disrespect.” You say, mocking offense with your hand on your heart.

He smirks at your comment but his eyes remain glued to the screen, “Yeah yeah whatever. I’ll talk to you later outside, close the door on your way out.”

You shake your head, “I’ll hold you to that!” You yell as you close the door.

Hobi looks at you with a raised eyebrow and the same smirk that Pedro wore, “Have you two always been like that?”

You nodded and giggled, “Yeah, pretty much.” He shook his head at you and wrapped his arms around your waist, walking behind you back into the main area of the house.

The two of you passed a couple of neighbors, all of them who greeted both of you with open arms and hands full of alcohol. You lead him through the kitchen, not glancing at your surroundings. You are about to walk to the backyard before you hear a familiar voice.

“Ah, mi hija, si sales por esa puerta sin saludar, no dudaré en conseguir mi chancleta.” (Ah, my daughter, if you walk out that door without saying hello, I won’t hesitate to get my flip flop.) You freeze at the sound of your mother’s voice and turn around to find her staring at you with a pointed look. You smile sheepishly and shrug your shoulders before waving at her.

“Hi, mama.” The look she was giving you faded off her face and transformed into a smile. You walked over to her and gave her a hug. She pulled you in, wrapping her arms around you tighter. You sighed in content, realizing how much you missed her and your home. The picture of her in the kitchen, glaring at you, and threatening you with her flip flop put you on a nostalgia trip. Although you wouldn’t trade your life right now for the world - a beautiful penthouse apartment with your boyfriend in the middle of South Korea’s capital - you did find yourself missing the smell of huevos con carne and chorizo that drifted throughout your home. You found yourself missing the melodic voice of Romeo Santos on Sunday mornings that indicated it was time to wake up and start cleaning. You found yourself missing the company of your siblings and the embrace of your parents. But as said before, you are currently living a wonderful life in Seoul, with your career progressing fast and the man of your dreams right beside you.

“I’ve missed you, you barely call anymore.” She scolds you while simultaneously pulling you into her even more.

You nuzzle your face into her shoulder, “I’ve missed you too, mama. I promise to try calling more often.”

You pulled away to smile at her, only to find her checking out your boyfriend from head to toe. “Ay, hija. ¿Quién es ese buen pedazo de culo que trajiste?” (Who is that fine piece of ass you brought with you?)

Your eyes widened and you lightly smacked her arm, “Mama!”

She giggled and looked at you, “What?” she complained.

You sighed and shook your head. You glanced over to Hobi to find him smiling warmly at you and your mom, despite not knowing what you two are saying.

“Mama, this is Hoseok. My boyfriend.” You said, putting emphasis on the word boyfriend.

He awkwardly smiled at her and waved, “Hello ma’am.”

She smiled warmly at him while walking over, pulling him into a hug. You laughed at Hobi’s shocked face and little ‘oof’ at the strength of her pull.

“Call me mama, ma’am makes me feel old.” Hobi smiled at her acceptance and hugged her back, looking to you for reassurance. You give him a quick thumbs up before she let him go and turned to you. “While the two of you are here, mind helping me carry out these dishes to the table outside?”

You scoffed, “I’ve been here for a matter of 10 minutes and you are already putting me to work like I’m 12 again.”

She smiled and shook her head, “It’s cause you always act like you’re 12, hija, now get let's make use of your boyfriend and his muscles and carry these enchiladas to the table.”

You laughed at her antics before translating to Hobi what his task was and putting the tray of food in his hands. You grabbed a plate of tortas and she grabbed the empanadas before you started heading out.

“Thank you, hija, Hobi. I will see you both later, I have to go yell at Pedro for hiding away in his room.” She walks off, shaking your head and you smile at her retreating figure.

“Your whole family seems nice so far.” He said, taking you into his arms and holding you. You giggled and pulled back slightly.

“They’ll be your family soon too, hopefully.” You whispered, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

He smiled and nodded, “And I cannot wait for the day that they do.”

You blushed at his confession before your eye catches two heads of hair that were identical by the pool. You smiled at Hobi and took his hand in yours, leading him towards the edge of the pool.

“Rosa! Miguel!” You exclaim and stand behind them. Rosalína looks up at you from behind her glasses and smiles.

“Hey sis!” You hug her from behind and she holds your arm. You pull away and look at Miguel expectantly, only to find that his eyes are somewhere else. You follow his gaze to a very familiar girl and smirk.

Rosa smacks him on the back of the head and he flinches, glaring at her. She nods her head towards you and Hobi and he looks at you two before smiling sheepishly. “Oh hey, Y/n..” You kept smirking at him and his face flushed red under your gaze.

“Still being a simp, I see.” You tease. He looks away, face turning 10 shades redder.

“Shut up.” He trailed off.

Hobi tapped your waist, pulling your attention to him. He tilted his head in confusion. “What joke am I missing?” He asked.

Rosa snorted. She turned her head towards Hobi, catching his attention. “You see that girl over there, with the blonde hair?” She said and pointed. He nodded slowly, following the direction and looking at the girl. “Her name is Lucy. Miguel here has been pining after her for like- 5 years. Since we were 10! Can you believe that? I say he should just grow some balls and tell her that he likes her.”

You laughed at her choice of words while Hobi smirked. Miguel shoved her side in embarrassment.

“I’m not pining,” he glared at her before glancing at you, “Nor am I simping.” He trailed off while looking at Lucy before glancing at Hobi, “She is just super pretty and totally out of my league.”

You smirked and looked at him, “Nah man, you’re totally simping.”

“Literally, shut up, Y/n.” He said, crossing his arms and pouting.

Hoseok smirked and laughed, “No, you should totally do it, kid. You only live once and the worst is that she’ll say no. But if she says yes…” He trailed off, leaving the rest to Miguel’s imagination.

Rosa high-fived Hobi, “Thank you! I’ve only been saying that for years! I’m Rosalína by the way, but you can call me Rosa. This idiot over here is Miguel.” She introduced herself.

Hoseok smiled at her, “I’m Hobi, Y/n’s boyfriend.”

“You’re in that one band, right? BTS?” she asked, tilting her head.

He nodded, “Yep, that’s me.”

“Nice,” She nodded, “I like your song Dope.”

He smiled, “Thank you.”

You watched the interaction with a big smile on your face. It seemed that your boyfriend was becoming more comfortable. And that couldn’t make you any happier.

You shook your head at your thoughts before looking towards your sister, “Hey Rosa, where is dad, anyway? I want to introduce him to Hobi.”

She rolled her eyes, “Where do you think?” She snorted and nodded her head towards the make-shift dance floor. A few people moved out of the way to reveal your father, Modelo in hand, dancing merengue to Suavemente.

Your eyes widened and you let out a laugh of embarrassment, “Oh. My. God.”

She shook her head before looking towards Hobi who wore amusement on his face. “That would be our father. He’s been like that for the past hour, I think that’s his 6th beer.”

You giggled at the ridiculous man that you called your father before grabbing Hobi’s wrist. “C’mon, let me introduce you to the ol’ man.”

Hobi’s face lost all color and looked uneasy. Rosa laughed as you two walked off, waving bye. You could tell your boyfriend was nervous, after all this was your dad. Your father. Keeper of your heart. The man who raised you. If he didn’t approve of Hobi then it would be devastating to the both of you.

“Wait-” he stopped you from going on, “What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not good enough for his daughter? Hold on, does my shirt look okay? What about my hair?” He panicked.

You decided to shut him up with a kiss straight on the lips. He froze for a second before relaxing into it and wrapping his arms around your waist. You giggled at him, “He will love you, Hobi. You look perfect.”

He nodded, still a little dazed from the kiss. You left him on the side of the dance floor and dodged dancing neighbors until you met your father in the middle.

“Suavemente! BESAME!” He shouted as you tapped his shoulder. You giggled as he turned around and looked at you in pure glee. “Mi princesa! How are you, mi corázon? Dance with me!” He exclaimed and grabbed your hands, pulling you into the dance with him.

You laughed and threw your head back. “I’m good, papa! I want to introduce you to someone!”

He nodded at you and grinned wolfishly, “Then lead the way, Princess.” He followed you off the dance floor and to Hobi.

“Papa, this is my boyfriend, Hoseok.” Hobi visibly gulped.

“Hello, sir.” He said, putting on a charming smile and holding out his hand.

Your father’s eyes narrowed, looking Hobi up and down, a poker face on. “Boyfriend, huh?”

Hoseok faltered for a second, “Yes, sir…” He said, using his other hand to scratch the back of his neck out of nerves.

Your dad suddenly smiled and took his hand, pulling him into a hug, “Well welcome to the family then! It’s nice to meet you!”

Hobi visibly relaxed into the hug, smiling at you with a big grin. All you could do is smile back, happy that he made a good impression on your dad.

Your father pulled back and squinted at Hobi, “You hurt my daughter and I’ll kill you.” He said, gruffly.

Hobi’s eyes widened, “N-never, sir.” He stuttered.

Your dad broke out into another smile again, “Good!” He clapped him on the back, “Here, let’s go have some drinks!” He led you two to the bar before leaving to go dance some more.

It was later that night, after more less-stressful introductions, multiple plates of food, and a few drinks that you and Hobi were sitting together at a table, watching the party and enjoying each other’s company. You were staring at your parents, who were in the middle of the dance floor. Corazón sin cara was playing as your parents swayed to the music, your father’s arms wrapped around your mother’s waist and her head leaning against his chest. You smiled softly at them with a look of fondness in your eyes.

“They seem to really love each other.” Hobi said, looking from you to your parents.

“They always have,” You said softly, laying your head on your arms and looking at them, “They’ve been through a lot together, a lot of trials and tribulations. When I was a little girl, I thought they were the purest definition and example of true love. They’ve always had each other, and I used to yearn for that as a teenager.” You explain.

Hobi smiles and puts his arm around you, “Well, my love, now you can think of us when you think of love. I want to give you everything, the world, and I want to have your back just like your dad has your mom’s.” He says, pushing your hair behind your ear.

You turn to him and smile, pulling him into a slow and passionate kiss.

“I love you so much.” You mumble against his lips.

He smiles against you, “I love you too, jagi.”

It’s when Obsesíon by Aventura comes on the speaker that you pull away with a gasp and wide eyes.

“What is it?” Hobi frowns, confused by your sudden behavior.

You giggle, “This is my song!” You get up and find Carlita before pulling her to the dance floor. Hobi smiles at you, and how your eyes shined with excitement. He watches you from afar, noting how natural you look among the people you grew up around. Although he may not know anyone and sticks out like a sore thumb, you are the complete opposite, blending in as if you had never moved away to begin with. He thinks that you have never looked so beautiful, than you do right now, at ease and having fun with your friends and family. He remembers how excited you were for him to meet all of them, going as far as to teach him some Spanish and give him some Latin dance lessons. You were so excited for this trip, and now that you both are here, Hobi doesn’t ever want to leave. Because you look so happy here, and all he wants is your happiness.

“You love her.” Hobi looked to his right to find your father, sitting down next to him with two beers in his hand. He said it more as a statement than a question.

Hobi glanced back at you, “Yes, sir. I do, very much.” He sighed out, watching the way your eyes lit up and your smile grew as you sang along with the song. He watched how you moved with ease to the melody with your best friend and he could only admire you and think of how lucky he is, to call you his.

“I could tell, you’re looking at her as if she’s your world right now.” Your dad smiled gently at Hoseok.

Hobi blushed a little and looked down before looking back up at him. “She is my world, sir. She’s helped me through a lot, and she supports my career and always is there if I need her. I only hope that I’m the same for her.”

Your dad gently laid his hand on Hobi’s shoulder, smiling at him. “You are. The look that’s on her face right now,” He nodded at you on the dance floor, laughing with Carlita, “I haven’t seen that look in a very long time. She was going through a lot when she left, and now I can see that she’s happy again. You make her happy, Hoseok. That’s all I could ever ask of you.”

Hoseok smiled at him, “Thank you, sir. That means a lot.” He looked back at you, smiling at you when you looked at him and winked. He blew a kiss to you before leaning back in the chair. “I’m not going to lie, I was nervous when she said that I would be meeting you all.”

Your dad chuckles at that, “Yeah, I could understand that,” he sighs, “I have always been the first man in her heart. I’m used to protecting her, to providing for her, to loving her. But now I’m not the sole man in her heart anymore, you are there too.” He says. Hobi looks at your father to find him staring back at him intensely. He looked him dead in the eye, “I believe you are a good man, Hoseok, and I fully give you my approval and welcome you into our family.”

Hobi’s face breaks into a wide grin, “I’ll cherish her for the rest of my lifetime, sir.”

The song changed to something more upbeat, and you were suddenly calling out to him, beckoning him over to dance.

“I have no doubt that you will, now go get your girl.” Your father clapped his back as Hobi stood up and made his way over to you.

You took his hand in yours and started moving along to Como la Flor.

“Baby, remember how I taught you cumbia? Well this is an iconic cumbia song!” You smiled. Hoseok squeezed your hand and started moving along with you, getting the movement and rhythm pretty quickly. He laughed at your tipsy state. But that didn’t matter, what mattered is that you were having fun, and that you were happy. And despite the alcohol effects, you still managed to dance like a professional. You giggled when Hobi spun you, and it was the most beautiful sound on this earth to him. The two of you were in your own world, dancing together and laughing with each other. You were so caught up in each other that you almost didn’t notice how the song changed into a slow one. But when you did, Hobi pulled you closer and you nuzzled into his chest as you danced bachata with him. He took extra lessons in this dance style, without you knowing, just because he knew it’s your favorite.

“I love this song so much.” you mumbled, slurring your words a bit.

“What is it?” He asks, whispering in your ear.

“Imitadora by Romeo Santos aka king of bachata.” You mumbled back.

He smiled at your cuteness, leaning down to peck your forehead. You two kept moving to the music, and he spun you around. “What is it about?” he asked when he pulled you back in.

“It’s about how his lover changed and turned cold, no longer giving him the same love that she once did.” You stated, smiling up at him.

He frowned, “Well that’s..romantically depressing.” He said.

You snorted, “Romantically depressing?”

“Yeah,” He smirked down at you, “it’s a romantic song, but it’s also super depressing.”

You shook your head at his ridiculousness and pulled him into a kiss.

“At least the melody is pretty.” You said after pulling back.

He pulled you closer to him, “Indeed it is, jagi. Indeed it is.”

As cliche as it sounds, the world faded around you two, as you both got lost in the dance and each other. You two held each other as if the world was ending. Your souls intertwined and the two of you vibed together. The moment itself was as intimate as it could be, and it would forever remain one of your favorite memories of you two.

Later that night, after the party had ended and everyone had either gone home or gone to sleep, the two of you laid in your bed. Surrounded by darkness, you stared at each other, whispering about how well today went and how much fun you had.

“I think they like me.” He whispers to you, intertwining your fingers with his.

“Oh they definitely do,” you giggled.

“What do you mean?” he raised his eyebrow.

“My mom thinks you’re a ‘fine piece of ass’ as she calls it.” You snort.

Hobi let out a surprise laugh, his cheeks turning the slightest bit of pink. You moved closer to him, cuddling up against his chest.

“I would have to agree with her though.” You whisper.

“Oh yeah?” He smiles down at you.

“Mhmm,” you mumble, falling deeper into your sleep, “You looked so sexy tonight, dancing to Latin music.”

He smirked down at you, kissing the top of your head and closing his eyes.

“Yeah?,” he mumbled back, falling deeper into his own sleep, “I might have to do it more often, then.”

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gigliofiore · 4 years

Text

no longer

♡ member: nakamota yuta

♡ genre: angst

♡ summary: a girl who has fallen far too hard for her best friend catches a long known disease, hanahaki

♡ word count: 1.8k

♡ song: no longer - nct 127

...

Google search: Why am I throwing up flowers??????

Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies.

I already knew what it was. Everyone does. From the first tulip petal I coughed up while working on my essay, to the bouquet that came up from my lungs, covered in blood, just days later.

It was progressing as the days went on, and every time I took a breath my lungs would constrict, the vines curling around them, crushing my breathing ability, and my heart.

I tried going to class at first, but I felt ashamed. Embarrassed, even. I could feel their eyes on me, watching as I tried to smother my chokes in the middle of a lecture, only to have to dismiss myself to throw up a rose in the hallway. I could feel their pity.

Poor girl, they’d think, unrequited love. So sad.

It’s also not like I could go on campus and see him, the one who gave me this shit. I ignored his calls, ignored his texts.

Are you okay?? Y/n??

No, do I look like I’m okay? I’m sitting in a pile of flower petals and my own blood on my bathroom floor.

Nakamota Yuta. He wasn’t popular, but everyone knew his name, his face. He was my best friend from high school, where he was the it boy. I was excited for college, I could finally have him to myself, without feeling like I was sharing him with the whole school. I was relieved when he didn’t get all the attention he had back in his glory days.

I always thought he was attractive. I mean, hell, who didn’t? He had the face a god could be jealous of. It was as if he was a child of Aphrodite herself.

But, as I stated, every girl wanted him. I knew my place. I was his best friend, his wing man. I helped him get the girls, not be the girl. I was aware there were boundaries I shouldn’t cross.

At least, until now.

I remember the moment it hit me.

We had gone to a stupid frat party. For the laughs, we had said, follow the college stereotypes. Giving it an hour, Yuta quickly got sick of everything, inviting me outside. We sat outside on the driveway, the cool air a breath of freshness compared to the stuffy, sweat smell from inside.

A dumb rap song played inside, and Yuta looked over to me grinning. He stood, reaching his hand out, helping me up.

“Slow dance with me.”

I laughed, as we swayed together, a muffled 2000’s hip hop hit our only background music. I looked up at him and questioned when he had grown up so much. He had cut his once long hair to a short undercut, and his once soft face had matured into a more serious looking one, but I could still find the playful glint in his eyes.

Pressing my face into his chest, I only felt us. One of his arms around my waist, the other holding my hand that was pressed against his shoulder. My free hand clutched his jean jacket, like he would disappear into thin air, and my grasp was the only thing keeping him here.

To a passerby, it looked like a coming of age movie, two college kids dancing together outside of a frat party, holding onto each other like it’s the end of a world. In the movie, the two best friends would probably confess to each other the next day. The boy would rush to the girls door, with a bouquet of flowers, gasping for air, saying “I love you, I love you, I love you, I never realized that I did.”

But only I realized. Only I realized I loved him.

Yuta never showed up on my doorstep the day after he dropped me off that night. The only flowers I got were the ones that filled my lungs.

I refuse to speak to him. I wasn’t mad at him, why would I be? It was my fault for forgetting my boundaries. For forgetting the rules. For thinking I had a chance since all the little high school girls no longer followed him around like lost dogs. For once thinking that I was no longer his side character, for thinking maybe I could be his love interest in his story.

What would I say to him, if we did speak? I couldn’t hide what was growing inside my chest. I couldn't hide my split lips from the thorns, or my scratchy voice. The dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, too busy catching up on work from missed classes, and not getting a break from coughing or vomiting. Tell him I was sick? It wouldn’t be a lie, but his concern would only grow when I would accidentally cough up a flower in front of him.

Would he ask who I loved? He would, and he would threaten to kick their ass for not loving a girl as great as me. I don’t deserve them, he would say. If only he knew.

I knew I just couldn’t face him. Know that he cares, cares so deeply for me, but not in the way I want him to. Know that the way I look at his face is different than the way he looks at mine. Know he sees his future with someone who isn’t me.

“What are you going to do, Y/n?” I was hanging out with a boy from one of my classes, Sicheng. He was the only person I felt like I could confide in about all of this.

We were hanging out at one of the campus coffee shops when I told him. It was a good day for my lungs, after taking a shit load of dayquil and ibuprofen.

“I-I’m not sure. It’s not like I can get the surgery. I-I can’t afford it.”

He looked me up and down, and I felt as if he could see into my soul. He did, Sicheng was like that.

“Can your pockets not afford it, or can you not afford it?”

Sicheng was right. I could afford the surgery, they were provided cheap since people caught the disease so often. But my heart couldn’t afford it. It had gotten so used to loving Yuta, it would feel empty without the compassion for him. I feared I may act differently, lacking all love for him. He would be able to tell, and I didn’t want to hurt him.

But I quickly made up my mind, looking out the window. Seeing the person I dreaded the most.

Yuta stood outside on the other side of the street, holding hands with a girl I had seen around campus a few times. He had mentioned her a few, but I never brought any attention to it.

He brought their intertwined hands up to his mouth, kissing the back of her hand, and each of her knuckles. Their faces lit up together as they both giggled, and I wondered what it would be like to be her. To have him stare at me with all the love in the world, to be able to feel his soft pink lips I had stared at so many times, wishing to just touch, to just feel.

“Y/n?”

I turned back to Sicheng, and coughed up a flower on the table, and I started to sob.

I choked, crying, “Can you take me home please?”

That night Yuta had made it official that he and the girl were dating. All the pictures on social media, the hearts they commented on each other's posts. The congratulations from each other's friends.

The morning of my surgery, I got up and put on my favorite green sweater Yuta had gotten me for my sixteenth birthday.

“I got it for you last month when you stared at it in the shop’s window.” He had smiled. Since he had it for so long, it smelled like him.

On my walk to the bus stop, I saw him sitting there. Once he looked up and saw me, he stood.

“Y/n!” He ran up to me, enveloping me in a hug. His body pressed against mine made me take a deep breath to keep down tears and a cough.

“I stopped by your dorm room so many times but you never answered, and I never saw you around campus. I thought you died or went missing! Why didn’t you text me?” He cupped my face in his hands, and I pushed him away.

The bus pulled up.

“Are you going to take the bus?” I asked him.

He shook his head, “N-No, I was waiting for Ka-”

“Your girlfriend. I have to go.”

“Wait, Y/n!” I turned around to him. It had begun to snow, so the small flakes sparkled on his head in the early morning light like glitter. His eyes shone, and his face showed hurt.

“Can we talk later? Catch up? I know it hasn’t been that long, but I’ve missed you-”

“I’m sick Yuta. I’m going to have surgery.”

Shock covered him, along with worry, “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I have to go Yu. I’ll see you.” Saying his nickname I gave him so many years ago felt like acid on my tongue.

I turned around without taking another look at him, and boarded the bus.

Two days later, when I finally came home from my surgery, the only difference I could tell at first was my chest didn’t hurt anymore. The doctors gave me a bag of all the flowers that they got out of me, and I refused to look at them.

Finally, I brought myself to sit on my floor and sort through them.

I made piles of each flower, twirling them in my fingers before placing them in their designated places. I used some of the vines to tie them together into a crown.

After I finished, I spotted a jacket under my bed. I pulled it out to see it was the jean jacket Yuta wore the night we danced together on the driveway at the frat party.

I took a deep breath of it, wishing I would feel the same way I did that night. But I felt nothing. It was now just a jacket. He was now just Nakamota Yuta.

I put it on, along with the crown of my flowers.

I stared at the girl in the mirror, stared at her with her blood stained flower crown, and I broke down.

#nct imagines #nct x reader #nct 127 #nakamota yuta #nct #kpop #kpop imagines

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inspired-by-the-music · 4 years

Text

For You

Chapter 7: Love

Taglist: @jineunwootrash

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Laying with Taemin should have been uncomfortable because a) I always slept alone, b) I had never been so (willfully) close to another person, and c) we hadn’t known each other long enough to justify my wish to stay so close forever.

When I pointed out in a whisper that we had only shared our first genuine conversation under the moon a few nights ago, I saw the outline of Taemin’s frown in the dark. His voice created small vibrations in his chest (where my head laid over his sky blue pajama shirt) when he asked, “Do you think I’ll have to love you for years before my feelings count?”

As evidenced by the ragged breath that fell from his mouth, I hurt Taemin’s feelings without even trying. All that kept me from apologizing immediately was the fear that whatever I said might deepen his frown; so, instead of speaking, I felt around for his hand, pressed my freezing palm against his— warm— and threaded our fingers.

“I really want to know what you think, Lei.” He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

What did I think?

People rarely asked me, yet I tended to overthink my position on a given issue until I had exhausted every possible opinion. Maybe I was preparing for the occasion that never came— when somebody other than Lucas may value my outlook— until Taemin decided to wear my ribbon.

Although I had thought of little other than Taemin since that night in the garden— or maybe it started that night by the lake— I had no concrete thoughts. That’s why I stuttered, “I— I don’t know. I want you to love me or like me—”

Taemin said, “I do,” and I imagine that should have been the happiest moment of my life.

So why wasn’t it? Why did that ache in my chest return? Why did I long for him as if he were worlds away when I was in his arms? When would this— our bond— feel real?

“Then I want to believe you when you say that—” I didn’t pause to consider that I sounded like I was calling Taemin a liar— “but it sounds too good to be true.”

Taemin must have realized that there was nothing he could say. We were at another impasse. Silence fell over us, and I didn’t want it to stay, so I spoke through the discomfort.

“You have to understand who you are to me, Taemin.” Calling him an idol— stripping him of his humanity in such an intimate setting— was the worst thing to do.

Tracing my thumb along his knuckles, trying to feel that he was real, I carefully continued, “You are somebody I’ve admired for years. Yours is a voice I cherished long before you had anything to say to me. I loved you before I met you, and—” I hoped he wouldn’t think less of me for believing, “the problem with dreams coming true is that you always wake up or the dream becomes a nightmare.”

Taemin must have been shocked by my honesty. Seconds or hours or eternities passed quietly before he said, “I think that you should learn to enjoy dreams— if that’s what we are— as they happen. I think you can ruin the night if you spend the time worrying about what could happen when the sun rises.”

Of course, it occurred to me before that worrying achieves nothing. On some level, I always knew that I could benefit from learning to live in the moment— finding that balance between being a successful idol and being a happy person. Yet, it was as if Taemin had turned on the light with his gentle warnings that were always prefaced by the phrase, “I think,” because he was too humble to boast, “I know.”

I already decided that I didn’t want to be lonely.

Then, as silence fell again, I decided that I didn’t want to be incapable of appreciating beauty until it had faded out of my grasp. That’s why I lifted my head from Taemin’s chest: I wanted to admire him. I wanted to really see him clearly.

I didn’t expect that he would be looking at me as if patiently waiting for me to return his gaze.

Before I could sort through my thoughts, I was saying his name. “Taemin, I just really want you to be here when the sun rises.”

If he was as shocked by the mid-night declaration as I was, he certainly didn’t show it with that radiant smile. “Okay,” was all he said before holding my head against his chest where I heard it: his heart was soaring, racing, beating for me like mine was for him.

. . .

Interviews— although often uncomfortable— were never as unbearable as a solo artist as they were as a member of SuperM. Part of the issue was that, without my phone, I couldn’t scroll through social media to educate myself on the popular topics of gossip.

It wasn’t so shocking when the first interviewer asked if Lucas and I were a couple. That question had been following us for years and (I guessed) the rumors about our supposed undying love were amplified by LX2’s existence.

I was winded, however, when the rumors started to stray from Lucas. Almost daily, in my place between Ten and Mark (or English line, as the fans called us, since our knowledge of the language facilitated the American interviews), I sat with my hands clenched into tight pale fists, jaw set, as I waited to discover which member I was alleged to be sleeping with this time.

The interview started, as they usually do, with a relatively unoffensive question: “Who from Korea do you keep in touch with while you’re on tour?”

The host was a middle-aged man— bearded and wearing glasses and a t-shirt— who twitched with every frequent sip from his coffee mug. He listened with feigned interest to the other members who answered with some variation of the fact that they stayed in contact with the members of their individual groups (except Baekhyun, who replied, “Super Junior’s Donghae,” just to watch my fists tighten in their place in the lap of my black skirt), before fixing his stare on me.

“What about you? You’re a solo act outside of SuperM, right?” It was promising at first, the realization that he had done some research, but my hopes that maybe— finally— I was participating in a legitimate interview crashed with the following question. “Do you have a boyfriend back in Korea that you text every night, you know, just to tell him, ‘hi, I love you, I promise I’m not hooking up with any of my superstar bandmates?’”

Questions like that made my blood boil. He didn’t want to know my answer. He didn’t care who I talked to or who I loved. He just wanted to watch me squirm as he pried into my personal affairs.

“Yes,” I said as calmly as possible, “I am a solo artist. No, I do not have a boyfriend in Korea—”

He raised his eyebrows, probably, in preparation to ask if my boyfriend was touring America with me, but I continued, “When I’m on tour, I try to find time to talk to Joy of Red Velvet or Amber Liu. If I need advice on something related to my performance, I’ll waste no time in calling Girls’ Generation’s Taeyeon.”

Why didn’t anybody ever ask about my friendships with those girls? It seemed wrong that everyone should be so fixated on my romantic relationships — of which there had only been one that was held as our precious secret— when I would have been more than happy to share the friendships that shaped me as a person and as an artist.

That interviewer seemed to share Baekhyun’s recently developed interest in making me as uncomfortable as possible. He asked the group, “So, was it hard to teach your new girl all of the choreography? Just how long did it take her to get it?”

In situations like that, I liked to think that I was somehow misunderstanding the question or mistaking the tone. Sometimes, that was the only way to keep myself from snapping. Sometimes, that was the only way I could sit there, legs crossed, without shattering my perfect posture and perfect smile.

Ten’s temper was as bad as mine— worse, actually— so I didn’t fully succumb to my irritation when he rolled his eyes at the question. I didn’t acknowledge that I had a right to be uncomfortable, that the interviewer was truly being rude, until Kai leaned forward to tap Mark on the shoulder and request, “Translate, please.”

As soon as Mark translated the question, Kai replied in rapid-fire Korean that I couldn’t quite keep up with, “That’s a stupid-ass question. Lei isn’t in the group just because she’s a girl or because she’s pretty or because she’s popular. She’s here because she’s talented. And we’re not here to answer stupid questions that belittle our members.”

We all stared at Kai as he sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting his lips. Ten and I, wearing twin stunned expressions, looked (along with the interviewer) for Mark to translate Kai’s answer.

“I — uh—” Mark stuttered— “Kai said, no offense— I added that part— but that question is kinda— no, really disrespectful to Lei.”

Ten agreed, jumping at the opportunity to strike the interviewer with his sass. “Yeah. For us NCT guys—” he gestured to the other NCT members— “although some of us are older, Lei is, like, our senior because she debuted first. We didn’t have to teach her anything. She teaches us.”

Mark translated Ten’s comment for the others, and Lucas and Taeyong murmured in agreement.

I shook my head despite the affection swelling in my chest. “No, that’s not true. You guys teach me a lot.”

The interviewer’s stare was all that kept me from saying that Taeyong taught me about leadership, integrity, and honest communication. Ten reintroduced me to the joy in dancing, which (for me) had become less of a soulful expression and more of a mechanical execution of choreography. Lucas taught me so much— too much to describe with words— but the most important lesson was to laugh like nobody is watching even though somebody was always watching. Mark reminded me that people— some people— even in the entertainment industry are good just for the sake of being good.

And I loved them for that, so I declared, “I love my members,” including (of course) Taemin, Kai, and Baekhyun (even though he was a little demon). I meant it so earnestly that I forgot to consider how my words could be perverted.

“Yeah, but which member do you love most?” The interviewer winked.

Gathering from my glare at his perversion of “love,” the interviewer redirected the question to the other members, asking, “So we all know it’s happening— who’s sleeping with Lei?”

Granted, I was technically sleeping with Taemin. We would never admit it in an interview, but we had fallen into the habit of falling asleep in the warmth of each other’s embrace. Maybe, then, my blush was caused by the embarrassment of a) having such an intimate aspect of my life aired publicly and b) having it questioned with so little understanding and respect.

Before I spoke my mind, Mark said the stupidest sentence in recorded history: “Look, man, as bandmates we’re all involved with each other, but we’re not, like, involved.”

Ten started growling, “What—” before I cut my eyes away from Mark to tear into the interviewer.

Of course, he didn’t shrink under my stare or burn from the flames flung by my narrowed eyes. It didn’t matter that he seemed to delight in my reaction; I spoke the truth not for his benefit but for mine.

“Aside from being disgusting— the fact that you can only look at me and see my worth as some sexualized creature— it’s appalling that you spread these rumors with absolutely no regard for how it affects my image and my career. These guys—” I shrugged in reference to the other members— “are expected to priorities their relationships with their fans above all else—”

“Don’t you think that’s a little ridiculous, though?” The interviewer slurped into his microphone as he took a sip of his coffee. “Don’t you think these guys should date if they want?”

Yes. Of course, I did. They deserved to do whatever would make them happy.

“What they do is none of my concern.” The words were diplomatic, but my tone was not. “It is a problem for me, however, that this narrative painted by those, like yourself, in the media depicts me not only as a disgraced idol but— more importantly— as somebody willing to squander artistic opportunities by sleeping with everybody in a band. Learn to respect me as a woman, an idol, or a human being. Take your pick.”

My hand raised to detach the microphone from the collar of my white button-down top cut just above the navel, but it paused when he asked, “If the standards are so harsh on idols— especially women— don’t you think you’re obligated to challenge the standard?”

His question— spoken so casually as if he weren’t advocating mindlessly for the impossible— should have stunned me silent. It didn’t.

“No,” I said not because I was the perfect idol, not because I wanted to uphold that illusion in that moment, but because I was emboldened by the reality, “I am an artist, not a revolutionary.”

Before the interviewer could challenge me further— before I could act on the pulsating desire to rip the microphone off, throw it onto the ground, and stomp it under my unnecessarily high red heels, Mom intervened with the muttered excuse that we had other events to attend. She even thanked that bastard for his time.

I know that was her job— I knew that then— but I felt too angry, too betrayed, to look in her direction afterward. Our relationship wasn’t even remedied in the car when she returned mine and Lucas’s phone with the instruction, “Behave from now on. And brace yourselves for the incoming social media storms when that interview is broadcast.”

Lucas was so thrilled to have his phone, his true best friend, returned that he dropped his arm from its protective place around my shoulders.

Instantly my screen lit from notifications of fans’ reactions to that interview. It must have been a live broadcast. Not quite ready to face praise or criticism, I locked my phone and shoved it into the narrow space between mine and Lucas’s body.

With my face burning from the realization that there would be no opportunity to edit or retract any part of my outburst— not that I really wanted to— I rounded on Mark, who sat right behind me (beside Taemin who, of course, sat beside Kai).

“What the hell was that about, Mark?” My imitation of his voice was so accurate that in the seat ahead of me, Ten threw his head back in a bitter sort of laughter. “‘We’re involved, but we’re not involved? What kind of stupid shit—”

Taemin had been smiling when I first turned around, but his expression turned to one of complete bewilderment. His understanding of the incident must have been limited by the interview’s language barrier. He whispered to Kai, “What’s wrong?”

As Kai (who had been donning a scowl that rivaled mine since his outburst) tried to explain the situation to Taemin, Mark stared at me with eyes so wide and guilty that I would have forgiven him instantly if I hadn’t spent so many years swallowing my frustration that I could no longer package my emotions back into their appropriate internal boxes.

“I’m sorry,” Mark stuttered, “I didn’t mean to say something so stupid—”

“Well, you did!” Ten whirled around to yell at him, brows angled and ears crimson. “If that’s going to be your contribution in interviews, I’m kicking you off English line!”

Mark argued, “You can’t kick me off English line! That’s not how it works! As long as I know English, I’m on English line—” he laughed nervously and reached for my shoulder— “right, Lei?”

Usually, I probably would have laughed along with Ten before siding with Mark. Even in that moment of rage, I worried that I was being too harsh on Mark. It wasn’t really his fault that the media (and that interviewer in particular) was so problematic. Still, that concern didn’t prevent me from crossing my arms, turning around and tugging sharply out of Mark’s reach, and fixing my gaze on the back of Ten’s seat.

As if sensing that I wanted nothing more than to go deaf to Ten’s bickering and Mark’s incessant pleas for me to “please turn around” and forgive him, Taeyong tossed me a pair of earphones and an apologetic grin— if you can really call it a grin.

Even after I plugged the headphones into my phone and tried to drown my anger in the music flooding into my ears, I rolled my eyes when Mom’s voice raised to snap, “Be quiet back there! I’m on an important call!” before saying into the receiver, “I’m back, Heechul.”

I could only vaguely hope that neither she nor Heechul would say anything loudly enough for Baekhyun, sitting in the passenger seat (one of the perks of being the leader), to hear.

Although Amber, Joy, and Taeyeon had brightened my day with their support, I didn’t feel like running to the pool with the guys when we returned to the hotel. While they were immersed in excited chatter, I beelined to the elevator, rejoicing when Baekhyun told Lucas (who must have been trying to follow me), “Give her space. If she’s anything like Momager, you don’t wanna be around while her temper is flaring.”

I wanted to be alone, but not because my temper was flaring. My furious blush had been abandoned in the car hours ago. Mostly, I was sorry for snapping at Mark— too sorry to look at him or even think of him without picturing the pained expression that settled on his face when I yelled at him— and bothered that my relationship with Taemin had been so misconstrued by that gross interviewer.

Bothered wasn’t a strong enough word, but I don’t know how else to describe how I felt. It wasn’t quite anger; my face would have been burning still, and I would have been grinding my teeth and balling my hands into fists as I pressed my back against the cold wall. It was more like sadness (but without the pain in my chest) because tears were blurring the edges of my vision, and my lips were trembling.

The tears weren’t quite ready to fall, so I was standing there with hands ready to catch them when he forced his way through the closing elevator doors. I don’t know if the doors were even closed before Taemin had his arms wrapped around me.

Because I hadn’t expected him to be so close again until the moon rose, I gasped at the contact, too stunned to return the affection. It was over as soon as it started, over well before the sounding of the chime announcing that we had arrived on our floor.

Neither of us spoke until we were inside the room, safe from prying eyes. Although we were still wearing our clothes from the day of interviews, although the sun had not yet set, Taemin sat on the bed we called ours— which was still unmade because we had to run downstairs after ignoring our first alarm that morning— and opened his arms for me.

The version of me who crawled to him wasn’t the same person I had been for most of my life. The version of me who was comfortable with wanting Taemin, who didn’t feel weak for leaning on him— she was a good person. I wished to be her all the time. I was hurt by the outside voices that said I couldn’t be.

Taemin didn’t ask me to explain why tears were swimming in my eyes, but I did. “I know that we can’t tell other people what we have. I don’t want to waste my breath explaining things nobody can understand anyway. But why do people who don’t even know us have to try to take what’s our and make it into something— something less than what it is?”

Taemin’s fingertips that traced the skin below the hem of my shirt were uncharacteristically cold; they made me shiver. “I don’t know,” he mumbled, “and I’m sorry that happened. I’m sorry I can’t carry more of the burden for you.”

I looked at his face and saw it in the tensing of his jaw: the frustration that he hadn’t been able to understand when I was under attack, the bitter knowledge that (even if he had known) he couldn’t have defended me without arousing suspicions that we were in a relationship.

Unlike the Lucas rumors that, despite persisting through years of rejection, carried no real weight because they were untrue, rumors about Taemin would have been suffocating because, to some degree, they were true. How would I be able to deny an outright allegation against us? Even if my words lied, my face would convey the truth that Taemin was my first love.

I was going to tell Taemin that he didn’t have to carry any burden for me— I only wanted him to hold me like this every night to brace me for the next day— but when I looked at him, I couldn’t speak. He was dressed as Taemin the idol, and for a fleeting second, I transformed into the version of myself who couldn’t believe that he was real and in this place with me.

“They can’t take what’s ours, though.” He linked our hands, smiled brightly, and he was real. “And that means nobody can make it less than what it is.”

Taemin pressed his forehead to mine. I imagine that he was giddy with the realization that our relationship— although unconventional and undefined (‘soulmates’ who weren’t ‘dating’)— was as significant to me as it had always been to him. I imagine that he might have kissed me if Mom hadn’t knocked on the door.

As I leaped from the bed to answer the door, Taemin snatched something from his suitcase, slid into the bathroom, and locked the door.

I carefully swallowed the red-hot anger I had been harboring toward Mom (since she thanked that interviewer for his time) before opening the door. She was on the phone again, but she held it away from her ear when I ushered her into the room.

She sat perched on the edge of the still-made untouched bed, placed the phone by her side, and said, “You know, Lei, as your manager, I have to discourage you from ever repeating your behavior from that interview this morning.”

Had I been able to find my voice as I stood there, staring down at her with tightly clenched fists, I would have wanted to spit back that I would say exactly what I said that morning every day for the rest of my life because it was true. The thing is, though, I think that kind of honesty was a once in a lifetime thing. The circumstances that prompted that outburst were a perfect storm; placed in an identical situation tomorrow, my voice might fail me.

“But as your mother—” a bright smile overwhelmed her stern expression— “I have to say that I’m very proud of you for standing up for yourself!”

When Mom flew off the bed to throw her arms around me, I wrestled with the thought that maybe she struggled to find the balance between mom and manager as much as I struggled to find the balance between human and idol. I thought she was a good mom and a good manager, and I might have told her if she hadn’t released me to grab her phone from the bed.

“There’s somebody else who wants to speak to you too.”

From that mischievous glint in her eyes, I should have expected Heechul’s voice to burst through the speaker when I held the phone up to my ear.

“KID—” he would always call me ‘kid’ no matter how old I was— “I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN AS PROUD AS I AM OF YOU—”

I smiled as I held the phone away from my ear, squirming at the realization that if Heechul was congratulating me, I must have been a rogue idol.

Had anyone been paying attention to us, they would have noticed that Taemin and I walked to the pool together. Of course, we were careful not to hold hands or allow our gazes to linger, but whenever Taemin was near me, I felt that there must be some outward evidence of our bond.

I knew that it was better that the others were too engrossed in their volleyball game (except Ten, who sat on a sun chair in a well-shaded corner) to notice us until Lucas and Kai wildly beckoned for us to join the game. Yet, although I hadn’t so much as whispered to Lucas that there was something between me and Taemin, I was always slightly disappointed when none of these people— who were my closest friends— noticed what (to me) was impossible to ignore.

Taemin, clad in black swimming trunks, dashed to Kai’s side, but I explained my reluctance to join the game. “I don’t wanna get my hair wet.” Really, though, I didn’t want to shed my denim shorts.

As I walked to claim the seat next to Ten, Baekhyun cupped both hands around his mouth and yelled, “Lei! Bring me a drink!” and pointed to a small blue cooler.

When I held a freezing Sprite out to him, standing a safe distance from the edge of the pool because I expected him to pull me into the water, I teased, “You should really use your manners, Baek. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ are nice words.”

He swam over to me, opened the drink, and winked. “Thanks. Ya know, you should follow your own advice and go thank Ten over there.”

I wrinkled my eyebrows at Baekhyun as he gulped the drink down in one sip. “Why?”

“Ah!” Baekhyun beamed at the can as if it contained the best drink he had ever tasted or as if it had been his first drink after months of wandering through a desert. I rolled my eyes at his theatrics, and he laughed. “Oh! Because he came up with the best plan to get Momager and Donghae— Momhae, as I call them— together!”

Miraculously, nobody turned their head at Baekhyun’s hollering. I blinked at him as if that were an adequate defense against his devilish smile and feigned ignorance as best as I could. “What?”

Knowing that he had done enough to get under my skin— he had done enough to flash his hand without showing all the tricks he held up his sleeve— Baekhyun shrugged. “Why don’t ya ask Ten about it?” He suggested before swimming back to the volleyball game, leaving the Sprite can empty at my feet.

After tossing Baekhyun’s trash into the bin, I sat next to Ten. Pulling my sandaled feet onto the chair, I tried to study his expression to gather whether he actually knew about “Momhae.” Because he was wearing huge black sunglasses that covered most of his face, I couldn’t piece anything together.

I didn’t even know if Ten noticed me until a smirk tugged at his lips. “Like what ya see?”

I hadn’t even been looking at Ten like that, yet the suggestive lilt of his voice painted my face a pale pink. Maybe Ten couldn’t see my blush through his sunglasses, but I tore my gaze away anyway and sat back in my chair, arms crossed over my short cropped t-shirt.

Ten lowered his glasses to delight in my reaction to his teasing. Something about that sparkle in his eyes annoyed me— emboldened me to reply, “No, not really.”

Realizing that I wasn’t playing along with his flirtations, Ten’s jaw dropped (maybe to ask what was wrong with me), but I didn’t give him a chance to speak. “You shouldn’t be talking about my mom’s personal affairs with Baekhyun of all people.”

Ten only said, pitch high from confusion, “What?”

And I realized that Baekhyun tricked me into bringing Momhae up to another member. When he waved at me (just before Taemin launched the volleyball at his obnoxiously large head), I thought I could have murdered Baekhyun.

Ten knew absolutely nothing about Mom and Donghae. He probably hadn’t considered anything about Mom’s life outside of being a manager until I opened my big mouth. Now, he was looking for me to explain my outburst, and I only had time to briefly thank God that I hadn’t mentioned Donghae’s name before Lucas plopped down onto the foot of my chair.

I could have barked at Lucas for shaking his head like a wet dog and soaking me with pool water, but I was too grateful that he had come to dig me out of this awkward situation with Ten. Once he opened his mouth, however, I realized that Lucas was there to worsen matters.

As if Ten wasn’t sitting right there, still staring at me, Lucas said, “Dude, Lei, I’ve been meaning to tell you since, like, the start of the tour that Taemin likes you.”

Had I not known, I might have been as shocked as Ten, who sat up so quickly that his sunglasses fell onto the ground. “What? Taemin likes Lei?”

When my instinct was to hiss for Ten to be quiet, Lucas narrowed his eyes at me. “Wait. You’re not surprised enough. Did Taemin already tell you he likes you?”

I never stopped being surprised by how perceptive Lucas was. Usually, that trait made him a remarkable best friend because it enabled him to know when I was troubled without requiring an awkward exchange of feelings. In that moment, however, I wanted to kick Lucas for somehow knowing everything.

I didn’t lie exactly. “I don’t think Taemin likes me.” I didn’t think; I knew.

Neither Ten (who just liked to tease everybody) nor Lucas (who just wanted to know every intimate detail of my life) was satisfied by that response. When they continued to pester me about Taemin, I had to adopt the same tone I used in the interview to scold, “Cut it out, guys. I still have to sleep in a room with him tonight and for the rest of the tour, and you’re making it weird!”

My heart was still racing after they ceased their demands for more information. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that I had almost shared my two deepest secrets— Donghae’s love for Mom (which was directly related to her true identity as the idol who never debuted) and my love for Taemin— that I retired to my room early without apologizing to Mark, which was the entire reason why I walked down to the pool in the first place.

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shining-red-diamond · 4 years

Text

Halloween Surprise*

Word count: 1.5k

Pairing: Taeyong x Savannah (OC)

Rating: SFW

Warnings: mentions of vomiting

A/N: Bolded words mean they’re speaking in Korean or Chinese, depending on the couple.

October 31, 2018. 7:21PM

The event was decorated extravagantly for the holiday, giving the atmosphere a spooky and exciting vibe. All of the SM artists attending were dressed as various characters and inanimate objects of pop culture. Some groups under the label were all assigned seats along with those who had significant other’s who joined them as dates.

This wasn’t the first SM Halloween party Savannah and Taeyong attended, but it was their first one as a married couple. He had dressed up as Syaoran from Cardcaptor Sakura, and she was dressed as Sailor Mars from Sailor Moon. Savannah had a friend who was a seamstress and was able to take the time to make her costume, resembling each aspect down to the last detail. She brought her costume with her to the SM building to get ready with the other girls in a separate room from the men. All day, the two had been ecstatic to have a fun evening with their friends after a relaxing honeymoon in Bali; and the moment Taeyong saw his new bride step out in her costume, he couldn’t help but smile widely and chuckle with his cheeks turning pink as cherry blossoms. Savannah even beamed at how adorable her husband looked, contrasting the handsome groom aesthetic he had sported over the last two weeks. It wasn’t that she didn’t swoon over him looking finer than a prince on their wedding day, but there were times where she swooned over his softer side. He has such a strong presence that it was easy to forget what a sweetheart he actually was.

However, Savannah had been feeling nauseated in the mornings over the past week or so. She thought she might have eaten something bad while in Bali, but she would have already been sick and over it while they were there. Fever was out of the question, because she never felt any flu symptoms despite it being cold and flu season. Her period was also five days late. Relief swept over her when she didn’t feel sick that morning, but she did come to one last conclusion that could explain her symptoms. The night before preparing for the party, Savannah went out and bought two pregnancy tests before Taeyong got home after practice that evening. She had a talent at hiding things, so she was successful in concealing the two tests from her husband.

Once he had left, Savannah took them, and both tests came back positive. She was pregnant. She was going to be a mom. There was a human forming inside her. Overwhelmed with happiness, she cried tears of joy before she had to get ready for the day.

Now, at the party, everyone else could tell Mrs. Lee Taeyong was over the moon about something, but they guessed it was because she had just married the man she loved and was happy. Little did they know, Savannah had something else life changing to tell, but she wasn’t planning to tell anyone until she told Taeyong.

Throughout the event, Savannah chatted with almost everyone there and took in the other couples’ costumes. There were a few who coupled up, some who grouped up, and a few who were independent with their costumes. Alice, Carrie, and Ivy were dressed as the Powerpuff Girls, Yuta and Nana were Snow White and the witch, Renjun and Violet were Peter Pan and Wendy, and Lucas and Sydni were Thor and Black Widow. Maggie came as a glamorous, white cat, Yoori dressed as a magical unicorn, and Megan cosplayed Ms. Frizzle. Lanying showed up as Annabelle, and her scar added the creepy effect to her costume.

“I’m surprised you didn’t dress up as Rose,” Savannah said, taking note of Alexis’s biker babe version of the Queen of Hearts. “You look amazing, but I thought you and Jaehyun had something planned this year.”

Alexis chuckled and shook her head. “Nah, he and Jungwoo wanted to do it as a joke, but he ended up putting every beauty queen out there out of business. I’m just rollin’ with it.”

“Well, you look beautiful, regardless.”

“You have got to be the prettiest Sailor Mars here,” Seulgi spoke up. She was dressed as a vampire, her dyed blonde locks bringing the look together.

“Thank you,” Savannah smiled. “I need to remember to repay my friend back for making it for me.”

“Give her my regards. She’s talented.” She leaned into her friend’s ear. “And maybe have her make costumes for my groups’ next comeback.”

The two giggled.

“Well, maybe I ca-“It hit her. The nausea she thought had subsided for today had returned to torment her again. She felt that snacks she had devoured earlier rise back up.

“Are you okay?” Alexis asked in concern.

An awful taste coated the inside of Savannah’s mouth. She wasn’t about to vomit in the middle of the party, so she dashed out the room into the nearest women’s restroom. Flinging open the first stall door, she fell onto her knees and everything she had eaten that day was released from her mouth into the toilet bowl.

A pair of hands held her hair back. “Just let it out. I’m right here.” Seulgi.

Once Savannah had finished puking her guts out, she flushed the toilet, sat on the floor, and her friend gave her a paper towel to wipe her mouth.

“How does one get sick all of a sudden?” Seulgi asked as she knelt by her.

“I don’t have a fever,” she weakly responded after cleaning around her mouth. “And it’s not food poisoning.”

Seulgi stared blankly at her friend before the realization hit her. She gasped as her eyes grew wide. Her hand covered her mouth in shock.

“Are you-?”

Savannah nodded. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my gosh!” Seulgi threw her arms around Savannah in glee. “Does Taeyong know? Savannah, I’m so happy for you.”

“Not yet. I wanted him to be the first to know.”

Seulgi pulled away. “I’ll act surprised.”

“Thank you.”

“Savannah,” Taeyong’s voice sounded from the doorway.

“I’m coming, honey,” she called back. Seulgi helped her up, and Savannah tossed the paper towel in the garbage can. The two women exited the restroom, meeting a worried Taeyong at the door.

“Thank you for checking on her,” he said to Seulgi before she walked back towards the party. He faced his wife again, his hands cupping her face. “Are you okay?”

Savannah nodded.

“You had disappeared from the party, and Alexis told me where you went.”

“Nausea hit me,” she explained, Taeyong’s arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her close to him. “But I’m better now.”

“Honey, you’ve been feeling nauseated every day since we got back from our honeymoon. Are you sure you’re all right? Do I need to take you to the doctor?”

She couldn’t keep it from him any longer. She hated when Taeyong got worried. Idol life was stressful enough, and she didn’t want to add to it by hiding her pregnancy another day.

“Well, I will go see a doctor eventually,” she hinted as her hands wrapped around the back of her husband’s neck.

His left eyebrow was now raised in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

With a small giggle, she kissed his cheek and said, “Taeyong, I’m pregnant.”

The NCT leader’s expression transformed from confused into a look of shocked joy. His brown eyes widened and sparkled with happiness, and a giant smile stretched across his face.

“Savannah, are you serious?” His hands returned to her face, and she nodded. “When did you find out?”

“This morning after you left for practice. I wanted to tell you when we got home and show you the pregnancy tests I took, but Seulgi beat you to it.”

Taeyong couldn’t stop smiling as he pulled his beloved wife in for the biggest yet gentlest hug he could give her. Joy overwhelmed him so much in that moment he couldn’t stop the tears beginning to fall down his face. Savannah began to weep herself.

He broke away from their embrace and wiped her tears away with his thumbs, completely ignoring his own. “Can we do it? Raise a baby? Our baby? I mean my schedule is hectic, and you’re working for another group.”

She sighed. “I’ve been excited all day, but now that I think about it, I’m not sure of anything right now, Yongie. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be a mom. I don’t even know-”

Taeyong cut her off by pecking her lips, disregarding that she just vomited in the toilet less than five minutes ago. He then pressed his forehead against hers. “Don’t say things like that, baby. You’re going to be a great mother, because you take such good care of everyone else around you. I mean, sure, they’re not infants, but that kind of love and care can be carried over to any age.”

She was silent for a moment before whispering, “I’m still scared, though.”

“So am I, but how about we take this a day at a time?”

Savannah began to calm down and steadied her breathing, even though she hadn’t realized she was heaving out of nervousness.

“Okay,” she agreed. She pulled back enough to meet Taeyong’s eyes. “Can we go home, please? Fatigue is starting to kick in.”

“Of course,” he smiled before kissing her head.

#kwritersworldnet #thekpopnetwork #nct #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct scenarios #nct taeyong #lee taeyong #nct taeyong imagines #nct taeyong fluff #nct taeyong scenarios #nct u #nct 127 #nct dream #nct x oc #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #kpop scenarios

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writinginthesparetime · 5 years

Text

A place far away pt1

pairing: actor!Park Haejin x student!reader

warnings: litte bit of swearing? Nothing serious yet

genre: fluff

Next: 2

(If needed I will add more warnings and upload the genre tags in next chapters)

Summary:

So that’s how all started.

It was a rainy day in Seoul and I was the new girl in town. Precisely the new girl in college, just moved from europe to study abroad.

Little did I knew Seoul was not the only korean thing I’d fell in love with.

A/n: My first imagine in years and my first one not in my mother language,so please be gentle with me :) and please help me if I make mistakes, cuz there will be!

Enjoy!

__________________________________________

I unloaded my big luggage from the bus. The thin and annoying rain, that was definitely going to be one of the most frustrating thing about this city.

I sat at the bus stop and checked the map of the town.

“Where’s my dormitory?” I whispered while trying to remember the name of the streets. I was pretty close to the college but I didn’t get the chance to have a room in the dormitory inside the university, at least for this semester.I looked again at the paper where i wrote down all the addresses I knew i eventually needed.

“Ok so i need to go straight ahead for mmh... 600 metres and then turn left... twice?” I tried to focus. This city looked just like a labyrinth.

I put the phone in my pocket and got up. Got my self together and started walking with confidence in the street.

I was so busy thinking and looking around I didn’t realised I was actually walking beside another person.

“Wow” I let out. I froze watching the biggest skyscraper I’ve actually ever saw. I came from a little town in the middle of literally nothing. Never took a plane before, never been in a big big city neither. At least not like Seoul.

“New here huh?”

The man was kinda laughing at me. So I finally saw him. Wearing all black:black sneakers, black jeans, black sweater,black coat, black antismog mask and a black cap. I could only see his eyes.

“Excuse me?” I was so lost in his brown gentle eyes I completely forgot what he said.

He was tall, fit but I couldn’t get his age.

“I suppose you’re new here if this skyscraper amuses you.” he repeated while i could definitely see his eyes smile.

“Yes Sir I’m new here” I said shyly. Was even Sir a good way to call him? I still didn’t knew all the right appellation to give.

“Well I hope you’ll enjoying your stay.” he said, bowed at me and then he left.

I was completely shocked by his kind words that i forgot to bow until he was already gone.

“Wow shit,being rude the first day uh y/n” I told my self while keeping walking.

I eventually ended up in front of my dormitory, and it looked like the hugest apartment ever. Luckily I found out my room was a single bed one and,even if I had to share bathrooms and spare room with other 9 girls, I was so happy about this: I always craved for privacy and this was just perfect to me.

I left all my stuff next to the door and I dropped myself on the mattress.

“Ahh finally” I was so tired and hungry and so jet-lagged too. “I should definitely eat something, but first I need to shower.” I said to myself while I unpacked my suitcase looking for my bathroom stuff.

One hour later I was already walking around the neighbourhood. I was looking for a nice restaurant to start the best way this adventure.

All my friends and family were worried about me leaving everything and going living on the other side of the world. But I thought this was actually a new opportunity to me to start doing what I really loved and actually doing it in one of the most important and beautiful city in the world.

“Wow this looks so yummy”

I entered in a typical restaurant after looking at its menu outside. I was served by a young lady who quickly understood I couldn’t properly speak korean.

“It’s ok, what would you like to have miss?”

“I’d love some Kimchi Guksu, please. They look delicious!”

“And they taste delicious too!” she said smiling. She then came back with my order and I could finally eat my first proper korean meal.

And it was really good as she said. I was enjoying my noodles when I got scared by a black shadow out of the window.

The shadow entered the restaurant and talked in perfect korean to the waitress. I quickly realised it wasn’t just a shadow.

Noodles half away from my mouth, he looked at me. I was speechless.

My cheeks turned red as soon as our eyes met. I was wearing literally the first things i took out from the bag, my hair was still wet and i probably looked a mess. Was him again?

Was it even possible? Was he following me?

He turned around, took a white bag from the lady and left.

Did he actually saw me?

He walked past the window and I saw his eyes smiling again. Maybe?

So he did see me. Shit.

“How embarrassing.” I whispered while cupping my face with my hands. I sighed.

How embarrassing.

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incorrectblockb · 5 years

Text

friendship

↳ a woo jiho fanfic

word count: 2,200+

genre: pure fluff, slight angst, mutual pining

pairing: zico x gender neutral reader

warnings: alcohol consumption, zero proofreading, i’m not good at ending fics so that too

author’s note: i listened to yunb’s latest ep/album or whatever while writing this but i particularly like this song called friendship so if you need something to listen to while reading here it is!

in which, you’re more oblivious than you realize.

9:46 pm

“jiho, come on!”

the night started out like any other night. it was friday so you had worked all morning at your stuffy job and you wanted nothing more than to let loose and have fun with your friends that night. hyoseob had texted you that they were all meeting at the club your little social circle frequented at 10 pm. he also informed you that it was your turn to get jiho to leave his cave that night.

getting jiho to leave his studio for more than 10 minutes was always a feat in itself. he was a workaholic, to say the least. he was always working on something, be it music or even a brand new one-man entertainment company. you weren’t sure how exactly you were going to convince him to leave that night.

you found jiho at his computer, his headphones covering his ears. when you walked closer, you could hear the start of a beat he was working on. it didn’t seem like he had even noticed your presence yet with the way his eyes stayed glued to the screen and his hands flew over the soundboard. without a word, you pulled up a chair next to him at his desk. you saw the way his lips twitched into a small smile and his eyes flitted towards you then back to his computer.

“did you get hyoseob’s text?” you asked him as he removed his headphones.

jiho let out a sigh and nodded. “but i can’t go, i have to finish this.”

“it’ll still be here when you get back,” you replied, with a playful eye roll. “besides, have you even left this room all day?”

he glanced your way and you could see the sheepish look he had on his face, giving you your answer. you always tended to go into parental mode when you found out your friends weren’t exactly taking care of their well-beings. woo jiho may be a famous rapper/idol but he was no exception to your nagging.

“so i’m taking it you probably haven’t eaten in hours?”

“i ate some noodles at like 3?” jiho shrugged, nervously playing with some switches on the soundboard, avoiding eye-contact. he was like a little kid getting reprimanded by his mother.

you huffed and stood up, tugging on his sleeve as you went. you saw the hesitant look on his face but you spoke before he could protest.

“we don’t have to go to the club but you at least need something to eat.”

jiho knew you well enough to know not to fight you. but he also appreciated the fact that you respected him enough to not drag him to the club, knowing he wouldn’t be able to have fun. of course, there were plenty of days when jiho would be more than happy to go out with all his friends and have fun. when he was in work mode though, there’s no stopping him; he’s focused and determined.

that was the thing you loved about your friendship with the rapper, you both understood each other. sometimes you thought he even knew you better than you knew yourself. that’s why you considered him your best friend.

“fine, but only for a little bit,” jiho finally gave in, standing with you. he pulled a nearby hoodie over his head and shoved his wallet and phone into his sweatpants pockets. he looked over at you with a questioning look. “the usual?”

you stared at him for a moment. you had always loved the more casual look on him. the effortless way he looked so handsome had always made your heart flutter but you would never tell him that. you had to shake yourself from those thoughts by flashing him a bright smile.

“yeah, the usual.”

10:25 pm

the usual was a little korean bbq restaurant around the corner from jiho’s studio that the two of you frequented. it was run by a sweet little middle-age woman and her son. she always knew exactly what you wanted the minute you stepped foot into the door. the first time the two of you had come for a late-night snack, she had no clue who jiho (or rather zico) was and once she found out, she never treated him any differently. she would scold him for not eating the same way you did and always bring him extra side dishes without asking. she was basically like a second mother to the two of you and you both adored her.

she was there when you entered that night like she always was. you both greeted her as she motioned you to your usual table in the back corner. you didn’t even have to order as she brought out meat for you to grill and plenty of side dishes. she also didn’t hesitate to set down two bottles of soju before she bustled away to help other patrons. you almost called her back to take them since you hadn’t planned on staying that long but jiho stopped you.

“might as well since they’re already here?” he poised it as a question, letting you decide.

you nodded in agreement before he reached over to fill your glass for you. you returned the favor and then you both raised your glasses and playfully clinked them together before each taking a sip. jiho set to grilling the meat as the two of you sparked up a casual conversation about your days. you then ate as you both sipped on a couple more glasses of soju. at that point, you both were a little tipsy but not drunk.

out of habit, you pressed your palms to your warm cheeks and giggled at something jiho had said. his smile seemed to brighten as you laughed.

“you’re so cute,” he stated, matter-of-factly.

you didn’t think much of the compliment as you brushed it off and continued your conversation. you always called each other cute, so this time wasn’t any different, right?

it was when jiho blurted out how beautiful you looked that night that you really started to notice the shift in the compliments. they didn’t seem so innocent anymore. your palms began to sweat at the thought of them meaning something more. and apart of you hoped it wasn’t just due to the alcohol.

you could never really pinpoint the moment in time when your feelings for jiho went from purely friends to pining for something deeper than that. it was just like one day, you wanted nothing more than to spend your days with him. he was handsome and smart and talented and undeniably sweet. it was no wonder you fell for him. but for so long, you had always assumed the feelings were one-sided and you had kind of come to terms with that.

“let’s play truth or dare,” jiho exclaimed as you were lost in your thoughts.

furrowing your brows, you shook your head. “isn’t it weird with just two of us? besides won’t it just us basically picking truth since there’s not much you can do in a public restaurant without getting kicked out, ji.”

he sighed, “fine, then just a game of truths. 20 questions, per se.”

eventually, you agreed. the questions started off tame from the both of you. nothing too scandalous, just “who was your first kiss,” or “would you do this, this or this for 1,000 dollars.”

“who’s the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen?” you questioned, without really thinking. you smirked as you took a sip of your drink.

jiho had met many enchanting people in his years as a celebrity so you were sure that one of them had caught his eye. he had dated a few women in the several years you had been friends so you were just waiting for him to answer with one of them. his answer shocked you, though.

“you.”

“oh, shut up,” you grumbled, leaning forward to shove his arm.

he pouted as he rubbed the spot you had punched. “i’m serious, why do you never believe me? i always tell you how beautiful you are.”

you froze, ready to land another hit but your heart did a somersault in your chest. “are you flirting with me?”

jiho ran his hands through his hair as he met your unwavering gaze. “you finally noticed?”

you squinted at him from across the table. this was all so surreal to you. was he actually saying all these things to you or were you just imagining it? you half-expected to wake up from this dream at any moment in time. “wait, what do you mean, finally?”

he chuckled as he moved to pay the check. “you only get one question at a time.”

12:48 am

the two of you walked in silence back to the building where jiho’s studio was located. your head was still reeling from the whole conversation that you didn’t even know what to say. you wondered if he was freaking out too but as you looked over him, he took a deep breath of fresh air and smiled to himself; it seemed that wasn’t the case.

you watched as jiho entered the passcode to his floor of the building before you finally built up enough courage to speak up.

“i’m just gonna head home now,” you mumbled as he looked over at you.

“why?” he questioned, pushing the door open and holding it in place. “you usually stay over?”

he wasn’t wrong. usually after your late dinners, you would come back and fall asleep on jiho’s couch as he continued to fiddle with his music until the wee hours of the morning. you wanted tonight to be no different but at the same time, you knew that there was a conversation that needed be had and you weren’t sure if you were ready for it.

“i just have some things i need to do early in the morning,” you replied.

jiho seemed to notice how tense you had become and you saw the way his expression changed to disappointment. it made your heart clench.

“i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable,” he said to you and you could hear the sincerity in his voice. “i don’t know what came over me.”

you watched for a minute as he fiddle with his hoodie string before gently ushering him into the studio. “maybe we should talk about it?”

“okay, if you want to.”

you pulled him to the couch and sat down beside him. you could feel him staring at you as you tried to piece together what you wanted to say to him.

“you didn’t make me uncomfortable, ji,” you started out. you saw him visibly let out a sigh of relief and you had to fight the urge to giggle at how cute he was. “i just want to know if you mean it? what you said about me?”

“i’ve never lied to you about anything so why start now?”

that was true. the two of you never lied to each other. you were always honest (at least when directly questioned about something).

“and the flirting? what did you mean when you said i ‘finally noticed?’“

jiho let out a small laugh. he seemed shy in that moment. “just that you’re kind of oblivious.”

you went to protest but he cut you off. “like right now, you’re pouting at me, looking like the cutest human being on the planet because you thinking i’m making fun of you when in reality i’m trying to confess that i’ve been in love with you this entire time.”

you didn’t know what to say. your mouth opened and closed a couple times. but jiho just continued on.

“but maybe you did notice and all this time you’ve been too scared to say anything. i know you feel the same way but i wanted to wait until you were ready. i know it’s scary for you. it’s scary for me too. you’re my best friend and i would never want to lose you but i’m willing to take a risk if it means i get to finally hold you and kiss you and be with you.”

he was right and you knew it. he always was. he knew you better than anyone so why would you ever think he didn’t know how you felt about him. what caught you off guard was that he felt the same about you. honestly, you never thought in a million years that he actually liked you, let alone loved you. and yes, you were scared. you were scared if he knew how you felt, he’d push you away and you’d lose your best friend. and even in that moment, you were scared of all the possibilities.

“i can’t believe i’m confessing my deepest feelings for you, and you’re analyzing everything, even now,” he chuckled. he grabbed your hands and laced your fingers together.

“jiho, i love you,” you breathed out finally, giving his fingers a squeeze. you knew you had to let go and just be in the present for once. you would never get this chance again.

“i know,” jiho replied with a knowing smirk.

“don’t quote star wars at me, you’ll ruin the moment.”

“literally nothing could ruin this for me. not now. not ever. because i love you and that’s that.”

#block b #zico #woo jiho #block b scenarios #block b fanfic #zico scenarios #zico fanfic #i have feelings for woo jiho #this actually turned out a lot longer than i thought it would be so #writing #fanfic #scenarios

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joongie-teez · 5 years

Text

Save Us // 01

Pairing: OT7 x reader

Genre: fluff, angst, idol!bts, non idol!reader

Warnings: non yet

Word count: 1,5k (italics is Korean and ‘...’ are thoughts)

Summary: getting lost in a city that you don’t know is never an ideal situation. But getting run over by 3 guys chasing a dog doesn’t really make it better, especially since the fall broke your phone. Guess you just have to become a pro map reader, right?

Taglist: @child-ofthe-moon-and-leaves, @detectivebourbon,

Authors note: I can’t believe how many people liked the prologue UWU thank you guys so much. Please enjoy this chapter (even though it sucks)! I’m not planning to do a posting schedule just because I don’t know when I’m going to have time considering school and other stuff.

Y/N POV

‘The first day in Korea and I’m ready to start this adventure! Now I just got to get out of bed and begin this beautiful day!’ Waking up feeling quite refreshed I cheered myself and got out of bed. As soon as I pulled the bedsheets aside I was greeted with the cold morning air. ‘You know what, let me just stay here until it gets warmer. Yeah let’s do that.’ Slowly I get back into bed not wanting to face the hell of a cold morning air.

Well at least that was the plan until the devil itself decided to join me, and by devil I mean the need to pee. Anyone else relate to that? Yeah, it sucks. So, since I didn’t want to get my bed wet, I got up and went to the toilet.

Being fully awake now, I decided to make myself some breakfast. Enjoying the idea of a delicious feast I almost ran to the kitchen. It was only then I realised that I didn’t go shopping yet. ‘I’m so stupid.’ I facepalmed. “Ughhh now I have to get dressed and go grocery shopping first!”

-~~~~~~~-

While walking to a grocery store I saw a nice looking café just around the corner. Being too lazy to cook I thought ‘why not’. Walking into the café I was immediately hit by the smell of coffee and tea (I don’t like coffee but I know a lot of people do, so I’m gonna give you the choice). Walking to a table in the corner a waitress immediately walked up to me.

“What would you like, miss?”

Even though I couldn’t really understand her, I know that she asked for my order. Looking at the menu I decided to go with F/Y/W (food you want) and D/Y/W (drink you want).

“Euhm… I would like a F/Y/W and a D/Y/W please”

Looking at me with wide eyes, she nodded and scurried of. ‘I guess she really didn’t expect that.’ After a few minutes the waitress came back with my order and I began eating the delicious meal. And let me tell you, that was probably the best breakfast I’ve ever had. I knew going to Korea was a good idea!

After paying the bill it was time to go outside, into the cold morning air. To be honest, Korea is so fricking beautiful I still can’t believe it. Luna really knows how to pick out the good places. Not wanting to waste any precious time with my useless thoughts I hurried outside ready to explore the city.

-~~~~~~~-

No one's POV

After hours and hours of exploring Y/N eventually became tired, so she decided to go back to her apartment. Well, that was the original plan until she saw a beautiful park appearing in the corner of her eye. Being the nature loving girl she is, Y/N just had to check the park out. She heard some stories about how beautiful the parks in Korea could be, but nothing could prepare her for this breathtaking scene. Since it was a spring day, the cherry blossoms where in blossom and everything was green. Not to mention the amazing pond located in the middle of everything, the water was crystal blue and you could see the reflection of the sky in the water.

“This is perfect.” she mumbles.

Walking around the park for what seemed like hours to calm her mind, she eventually found a good spot to lay down and take in the scenery. Searching around in her bag Y/N pulled out a sketchbook and some HB pencils. After searching for a comfortable seating, she began sketching. Drawing has always been something that resembles relaxation for her, whether she was good at it or not Y/N just enjoyed the peace that comes with drawing.

“YAAA!!!”

Well there goes the peace……

Jumping up in shock Y/N looked around to search where the noise was coming from, afraid something had happened . In the distance she could see three men, probably in their twenties, speaking screaming at eachother. The thing that stood out the most, however, was that they were all wearing black face mask. “Hmm, maybe they are some famous people.” Y/N said, sitting down again, relieved that nothing bad had happened. She was about to go back to her drawing when, again, the three men began screaming.

“How did you lose him?! You idiots!”

“Well it’s not our fault! It’s your dog after all!”

Y/N looked at the men with a glare but said nothing, it’s not like she was able to, she couldn’t even understand what they were screaming talking about. And they would probably not even notice her, since they were screaming so loudly. Packing her back, making sure she didn’t leave anything behind, Y/N began walking home.

“I guess I’m going home then, there is no way I could draw with this noise.”

Not even bothering to tell them to shut up, she quietly walked past them. After walking out of the park, she could still hear them screaming. Other people walking by were clearly also bother with the noise, Y/N could see them glaring towards the direction of the men. Shaking her head, she plugged in her headphones and began listening to some music.

-~~~~~~~-

Y/N POV

I’m lost..

Great, just…. great.

It felt like I was walking around in circles for ages. Now normally I wouldn’t be bothered by this, but since I didn’t know this city, I was beginning to get worried. Grabbing my phone I was about to open Google Maps when I saw the same three guys from the park running towards me. It looked like they were chasing a… dog? A really cute dog that is.

“Ya! Yeontan come back!”

“Taehyung, wait up!”

Yeontan? Taehyung? I feel like I’ve heard these names before….

While being in deep thoughts I didn’t notice one of the guys was running straight towards me, and clearly he didn’t see me either. With great force I was thrown of the sidewalk and fell on my butt. But, of course, the man who ran into me just kept running, together with the other two.

“Hey! Come back here! Look at what you did!”

I pouted as they turned around the corner. “Ouchh….” I slowly got up. As I brushed my jeans of (or skirt, whatever you prefer) I noticed my missing phone. “Oh no, nonononono.” I panicked while looking for my phone. After a minute I found it, broken, laying on the road.

“Fuck…”

‘What am I’m going to do now? I don’t know anything about this city and now my phone is also broken.’ Looking around I saw a merchandise shop. ‘Maybe they have a map!’ I quickly walked the the little shop.

Walking into the cozy little store I was lucky to find that they had some maps, I did get a few weird stares while paying for it though. Being outside once again I took a look at the map. My hope immediately crumbled, there is no way that I can read this, everything is in Korean! But then again what did I expect. Looking around once more before letting out a long sight i began the long journey home.

When I finally arrived at the hotel it was around night time. While being half asleep I walked towards the elevator. On my way to the right floor I was staying at, I recalled the events that happened that day. ‘Those weird men… I wonder who they were.’

Finally walking into my room I immediately went to bed, relieved that I was finally able to not stress about anything at all. Until I remembered that I still had a lot of unpacking to do. Deciding not to think about that I fell into a dreamless sleep.

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yeppeojiwrites · 5 years

Text

beauty and a beat 1: she’s even prettier up close//multigroup crossover

summary: when people think that you can’t understand them, they tend to say bolder things.

word count: 2,736

pairings in this chapter: hongjoong x reader and yunho x reader

yoyoyo what’s up!

i’ve been noticing a lack of diversity in kpop group x reader fics, a lot of stuff is for people (mostly girls or female presenting people) who are caucasian or have fair skin and have straight hair and stuff but i want to change that. this story is going to have a female black protagonist, and if that’s okay with you, feel free to keep reading! if not, feel free to move along, you aren’t hurting my feelings.

if you see this fic as “excluding a group” please be sure to think about how us non-white/non-fair skinned people feel about having little to no representation in the fanfiction community, especially considering we make up a large part of the people who read fanfiction.

alright, rant over

to all of my black kpop stans, this one’s for you!!

normal text is spoken english

bold text is spoken in korean

bold italicized text is korean with honorifics (noona, hyung, oppa, unnie, etc.)

As you walked down the hallway with Ateez’s manager, Jiyoung, to one of KQ’s training rooms, your heart threatened to beat out of your chest.

You were nervous and scared out of your mind even though you had no reason to be. KQ Produce obviously thought very highly of you since they hired you to help out with Ateez’s album production after listening to a lot of your demos for songs later used by groups like G(I)-DLE, Stray Kids, and Loona and artists such as Chungha, Sunmi, and Crush.

As the youngest non-idol producer and composer under KQ at the newly-turned international age of 18, you had a lot to prove. Sure you’ve had a lot of big-name artists use your songs and work with you on tracks but you had to prove that you could work with others in the real industry.

It’s only your third day in South Korea and you’re already meeting the people who had the potential to make or break your career.

As you neared closer and closer to the room where the boys were, you could hear people running around and yelling. When Jiyoung finally opened the door, your eyes widened at the scene in front of you.

A pair of boys tangoed in the middle of the room while another three ran throughout the room screaming, another pair was trying to outsing each other, one of them splitting an apple in half while a single boy was trying to get everyone to calm down.

Their manager cleared her throat and all of the commotion ceased, eight pairs of eyes looking back and forth between you and Jiyoung.

“This is LVNDR,” Jiyoung said, gesturing to you. “But she said that you all can call her...um...” she leaned over in your ear, “I already forgot what your real name is. What is it?” she asked in English.

“(Y/N),” you whispered in her ear.

“She said that you guys can call her (Y/N).” She informed the group, smoothing shirt down before crossing her arms.

“Does she only speak English?” a shorter boy with silver hair, Wooyoung, asked the manager. You looked at the manager and the corners of your lips lifted a bit.

When you first met with Jiyoung you told her to only speak to you in English in front of others despite your fluency in Korean. In the short amount of time that you’ve spent in South Korea, you realized that people have a lot more to say about you when they think you aren’t listening or can’t understand them. You wanted to be able to hear everything that people around the company were saying about you - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

“No, not really. She had translators help her when she helped produce songs for non-English speaking idols,” Jiyoung said, lying through her teeth. You heard a few noises of understanding in response to her statement.

You looked down at your shoes for a second and looked back up, meeting the eyes of a short, honey blond haired man, who may or may not be Hongjoong. He gave you a quick smile before turning back to your manager as she continued to talk to the boys.

“Hongjoong, she’ll be working with you on Ateez’s next album,” Jiyoung said in English.

“Okay,” the blond haired man you smiled at earlier, Hongjoong, said. He walked over to stand in front of you and both of you were a little shocked when you both found that you were a bit taller than him.

“I forgot foreigners are so tall,” a taller boy with dark hair, Yunho, said.

“I thought she looked tall standing next to our manager,” a shorter boy with red streaked hair, San, responded.

“Wow...guys, she’s even prettier up close,” Hongjoong said after he looked at you for a few seconds, causing a few of the boys behind him to laugh in response. You resisted the urge to smile at his statement.

“Hey,” Jiyoung warned and Hongjoong bowed to her in the form of an apology.

“Sorry, Jiyoung,” he said. She nodded at him.

Hongjoong reached out to shake your hand while you attempted bowed. “Oh,” you both said nervously. You reached out your hand to shake his. “Let’s make your next album great,” you smiled shyly. He nodded in response.

“Let’s do it!” he cheered, a smile spreading across his face. He walked back to his spot next to his members.

“I’ll leave to let you guys get to know each other since you will be seeing a lot more of each other in the coming months,” Jiyoung said as she walked to the door and opened it. “Be good to her or I’ll make her give you guys high notes or inhumanely fast rapping verses,” she said to the guys before she left the room. You watched as a few of the boys shuddered in response to her words.

“I saw their reactions. What did she say?” you asked Hongjoong innocently.

“Nothing you need to worry about,” he lied. He waved the guys over and had them sit down in front of you, pulling up two chairs for the both of you to sit in.

“Please sit here- I mean, you can sit down here,” Hongjoong said as he gestured to the chair behind you. You smiled a bit at his mistake.

“So...tell us about yourself. Don’t worry about speaking Korean, I’ll translate what you say for the guys.” he said to you. “I’ll translate for you guys, don’t worry.” he assured the seven boys who watched the two of you expectantly. They nodded in understanding.

You ran your palms over your jean-clad thighs and took a deep breath before speaking. “Sorry, I’m a little nervous,” you laughed dryly. Hongjoong translated what you said and you saw a few of the guys smile a bit and you heard an accented “Don’t be nervous!” come from one of the boys, which slightly calmed your nerves.

“I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N) but feel free to just call me (Y/N) or LVNDR, whichever is easier for you guys,” you said. Hongjoong translated what you said easily and accurately.

“I used to live an hour outside of Chicago, one of the United States’ largest cities, so I’m quite comfortable with large cities.” you said before Hongjoong began translating. “I graduated high school a semester early so I could come to South Korea and help you guys and hopefully other artists out with music production.”

This started a steady cycle where you would say something in English and Hongjoong would translate it into Korean, until you ran out of profession-related things to talk about.

“Do you guys have any questions for me?” you asked, looking back and forth from the boys on the floor to the one sitting next do you.

“Hongjoong, tell her I like her hair.” Wooyoung said. Your orchid colored hair reminded him of the hair color he had when they debuted.

“Wooyoung said that he likes your hair.” Hongjoong said. One of your coffee toned hands reached up to touch one of your orchid-colored curls as you smiled.

“Thank you,” you said.

“Hongjoong, ask her how tall she is!” the taller boy from earlier said.

“Yunho wants to know how tall you are,” Hongjoong told you.

“I know my height in the American measuring system but I think I’m around 174 centimeters,” you said. Hongjoong halfheartedly translated what you said for the boys which caused the room to erupt in teases aimed towards Hongjoong.

“Even girls are taller than Hongjoong,” San laughed. Hongjoong turned to look at the boy, a wild look in his eye.

“Choi San, say anything else and you’re dead,” Hongjoong said, effectively silencing the boy who you now know as San.

You leaned towards Hongjoong in his chair. “What did they say?” you asked innocently. He waved his hand to dismiss the question.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said.

“How old is she?” Wooyoung asked. “I know she said that she graduated early but I forgot the age that most Americans are when they graduate high school.” .

“Wooyoung wants to know how old you are,” Hongjoong said.

“I just turned 18 internationally last November,” you said. “Before you translate for them, how old are most of you guys?” you asked.

Hongjoong hummed and tapped his chin as he thought. “Five of us are turning 20 internationally this year and the rest of us are turning either 21 or 19.” he said.

Your eyes widened a bit. You had skimmed over the part of the video that mentioned their ages and date of birth and had a feeling that a few of them were older than you but you didn’t think that all of them would be older than you.

“So that would make you and everyone else here...an oppa? Like my oppas?” you asked hesitantly. Hongjoong choked on his spit and had a coughing fit and you smacked his back to help him stop choking.

“Wait what did she say? I swear I heard her say oppa!” Wooyoung exclaimed.

“Me too,” Yunho agreed.

After you were sure that Hongjoong had coughed up part of his lung, he stopped to catch his breath.

“What did she say?” Wooyoung asked.

“She just turned 18 last November,” Hongjoong said between breaths.

“What else did she say?” Jongho asked.

“She asked if we were her oppas,” Hongjoong said, a light pink spreading across his fair skin. Someone from the group snorted before the entire room filled with laughs.

“He’s flustered! (Y/N) managed to fluster our leader on her first day!” San teased.

Hongjoong frowned a bit, trying to hide his reddening cheeks, “San, shut up,” he said, a warning in his tone.

“Why? It’s not like she can understand us anyways?” San said.

“He’s not upset because you said it in front of her. He’s upset because it’s true,” Yeosang corrected San.

“Can all of you please shut up,” Hongjoong pleaded.

“I guess I shouldn’t have asked,” you said to Hongjoong.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, putting his face in his hands promptly after responding to you.

“Hongjoong, I don’t know why you’re upset. I’m glad she’s trying to assimilate to our culture. I think it’s cute.” Yunho said. “You can call me oppa if you want to,” Yunho said in English.

You smiled as Hongjoong’s head snapped up. “Let’s not get too crazy, guys. We’ve all just met her.” Hongjoong said.

“You’re the one that got flustered because of a word,” Yeosang mumbled under his breath.

“When we get to the dorm, all of you are dead,” Hongjoong said. The members stiffened immediately.

“Should we talk about something else?” you asked. Hongjoong nodded.

“Please.” said before turning to his members. “Do you have any other questions? Questions that aren’t related to her love life?” Hongjoong asked his members.

“Does she still listen to any of the music that she produced?” Seonghwa asked.

“Seonghwa wants to know if you still listen to any of the music that you have produced?” Hongjoong asked.

“Of course! I listen to Loona’s ‘Favorite’, Chungha’s ‘Gotta Go’, and Loona member, Kim Lip’s “Eclipse” all the time. “Eclipse” was one of the first demos that was used by a K-Pop group and I had just turned 16 when Blockberry Creative asked if they could use it. My favorite production was ‘Dalla’ by (G)I-DLE and the song I’m the most proud of is ‘Endorphin’ by Crush.” you smiled. After Hongjoong finished translating, the boys looked over to you in amazement. After the initial shock, Jongho asked a question.

“Jongho wants to know who your musical influences are and which genre you like to produce the most?” Hongjoong said.

“I really liked F(x) and Shinee’s sound and how every song was different from everything else that was being released and how experimental everything sounded. A lot of their songs were released ahead of their time and started a lot of trends and that’s the kind of music I want to make. Trendsetting music.” you said. “In terms of genres though, I like making electronic music and music with really intricate melodies or stuff that you would hear in an American club in the 1990s.” Hongjoong managed to translate everything you said.

“Any other questions?” you asked.

“Have you ever seen any of our music videos?” Yunho asked in English.

“I’ve watched all of your videos with the exception of the reality shows,” you said. Hongjoong translated what you said, Yunho immediately following up with, “Ask her what her favorite video and non-title track song is!”

“Yunho wants to know what your favorite video and non-title track song is,” Hongjoong said.

“I really like ‘Hala Hala’ and ‘Desire’. The vocals and rap are amazing in both songs.” you said. As soon as Hongjoong translated, you were met with a chorus of ‘thank you’s.

“Hongjoong, can you ask her who her bias is?” Wooyoung asked. Hongjoong froze for a second before sighing.

“Wooyoung wants to know who your bias is,” Hongjoong said. You could sense everyone lean in your direction to hear what you had to say. Even Hongjoong leaned in a bit.

“For the sake of professionalism, I don’t have a bias.” you said. Everyone in the room groaned. They didn’t need to know English to know what you just said. To be fair though, you didn’t have a bias. You think that they’re all handsome and talented but you figured that it would be more professional to not have a favorite to avoid showing favoritism.

“There has to be someone she likes,” Yunho mumbled in a frustrated tone. He had hoped that you would say his name.

“Not even someone you think is handsome?” Hongjoong asked. He too had hoped that you would say his name.

“I think you’re all very good looking,” you said.

“That’s an acceptable answer for now,” Hongjoong said.

You pulled out your phone to take a look at the time, 12:45 in the afternoon.

“Guys, it’s been fun but I have to go soon. I have to meet up with someone in a half hour.” you said. Hongjoong sighed and nodded before translating for his members.

“We’ll see you tomorrow though, right?” Hongjoong asked, his sparkly eyes meeting yours with an expectant look on his face.

“Of course you will,” you smiled. You turned to face the rest of the boys who were starting to stand up. “It was nice meeting all of you guys. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” you said before bowing and leaving the room.

“Album production is going to be really interesting,” Hongjoong said the second after you left. Seonghwa laughed before swinging an arm around his younger’s shoulder.

“Seems like it.” Seonghwa said.

You sighed as you exited your taxi, glancing up at the building you had only ever seen in pictures. You entered the building, immediately greeted with banners of the company’s artists. Stopping in front of one and smiling at a face on one of the banners. After looking around the lobby you walked over to the receptionists desk. “Hello,” you said, your native-sounding pronunciation surprising the receptionist. “I”m here to meet with someone.”

“Who are you here to meet?” the receptionist asked before glancing over your shoulder at something, or someone rather.

“(Y/N)?” you heard a familiar voice behind you. You turned around and smiled immediately when you saw who is was.

“Fancy meeting you here, Changbin.” you said opening your arms for a long overdue hug.

“You can’t be too surprised to see me considering you’re at my company building and you’re the one that wanted to meet.” Changbin said as he pulled you towards him, hugging you tightly.

“We probably shouldn’t do this here, a fan might see you and think that we’re dating or something,” you said. He hummed, thinking.

“You’re right,” he agreed as he unwrapped his arms from around you. “Let’s go to one of the practice rooms.” He signaled for you to follow him to wait in front of the elevators.

“So how has my favorite rapper been?” you asked him as you waited for an elevator.

“Very tired but also very excited to finally physically meet the person who has helped us produce our past two albums,” he smiled. You smiled at his statement as a door to one of the elevators slid open. You both step into it and watched as the door closes.

(previous / next)

#yeppeojiwrites #ateez #ateez scenarios #yunho #jung yunho #jeong yunho #hongjoong #kim hongjoong #yunho scenarios #hongjoong scenarios #stray kids #stray kids scenarios #changbin #seo changbin #changbin scenarios

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alethia000 · 5 years

Photo

[TRANS] Nichkhun’s Interview with SUDSAPDA Magazine (March 2019)

[Thai-English Trans by Daffodil0624]

Nichkhun Horvejkul

Turning 30, Growth and New Challenges in Life

Speaking of 2PM’s Nichkhun, we all know he is a globally famous K-Pop idol and one of the top idols in Asia. Especially for Thai people, Nichkhun has been the pride of Thailand. He has demonstrated his capabilities in the South Korean entertainment industry as a Thai idol who has become highly successful.

Over ten years as an idol in South Korea, Nichkhun is constantly improving himself in order to prove his abilities. He has grown both in his versatility and attitude towards life. Nevertheless, one thing that remains perpetually unchanged is his youthful looks that many people envy.

Despite his boyish looks, Nichkhun is already 30.

“I am 30 years old and turning 31 this year. (Nichkhun was born on June 24, 1988.) I don’t feel old. I still feel young. I still want to learn new things because there are so many things I don’t know. I don’t feel old if I don’t think of the number. Every now and then I was a bit shocked about my age after meeting new idols. When I asked their age and they replied 18, hmm… I am pretty old actually.” (laugh)

“Physically, I get tired a bit more quickly than before. (laugh) But I have always kept my body fit. I take a few vitamin supplements. I focus on exercising regularly, going to the gym, and playing golf and badminton. I have always encouraged my fans to exercise. Don’t gain weight. My fans often said they would wait for me to gain weight first.” (smile)

(SUDSAPDA: You have such a youthful appearance for a 30-year-old man. Can you tell us your tips for staying young?)

“Using Dr. Jill as my skincare product. (laugh heartily) It’s a product selling time. However, the most important things are getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water and exercising. These are 3 things you need to do along with applying good skincare products. If we don’t take care of ourselves, using expensive skincare products won’t help. I have to take good care of myself and maintain a high level of discipline. I don’t have much time (because of my busy schedules). I don’t sleep or eat meals at a regular time. Sometimes I am in a hurry and have to eat fast food like hamburgers or French fries. Eating a lot of fast food is unhealthy.”

Seeing the world through the eyes of a man who has grown up

“I have become more relaxed with my work system. In the past, I was too strict with myself and people around me. Everything had to be perfect. You could not veer off track. I was very serious and stressed out with my works. Nowadays, I have learned that everyone has different capabilities and personalities. Other people may be different from the kind of person I am. Nobody is right or wrong. We don’t have to adjust people around us to be like us. We should find the middle ground. Compromising is the best solution.”

“These days I am trying not to stress myself out. I believe this is one of the reasons I still feel young. I am enjoying everything around me unceasingly. As I mentioned before, it is important that we have to take care of our body. However, our thoughts and mind are the most important. My age may change but my endeavour to improve myself and to be a better man remains unchanged. I am always trying.”

“In my 20s, I was like a kid who went to Disneyland for the first time. Everything looked like fun and exciting. I could not clearly remember everything I did during the time. Every day I met new people. I had so many new works/things to do that I could not focus. I did not know whether I did those things because I wanted to or because I had to.”

“When I was 25, I started to manage myself better. I began to learn how to behave as a singer and a star. I was extremely busy and stressed. As I said earlier, I was too strict with everything. I never let things go. Everything needed to be perfect. Now that I have reached my 30s (smile), things seem more relaxing. I have learned to let go. I have learned how to talk to certain people and how to treat them while I am working. I think I have become more mature as I get older.”

Eleven years as a Korean idol

“Twelve to thirteen years ago, I moved to Korea to become a JYPE trainee. I took singing, rapping, dancing, acting, and Korean classes. It was similar to a boarding school. My dorm was next to the company. I went to the company in the morning to practice, had my lunch break, and went back to practice. I went home in the evening or at night. I didn’t know what my future would be like because I had not debuted yet. After debuting, we had a very busy work schedule. I had an opportunity to work in Thailand too. My life was surrounded by things like fame and money. At first, my mother was worried about whether I would get carried away and become arrogant. Fortunately, I am Thai. My parents have taught me to behave appropriately according to time and place and to show respect for elders. I know that I should do the “wai,” Thai traditional form of greeting to greet and say goodbye. It is something I do habitually. No matter where I live, as a Thai person, I always behave politely, humbly and respectfully towards others. It is fortunate I have these characteristics. To be honest, I don’t have time to become conceited. (smile) I have a very intense work schedule. Every so often I was so busy I didn’t know what I was doing. I just did what they told me to do. At times, things went by in a blur.”

“I respect the Korean way of work. They are methodical and control everything explicitly. They would tell us exactly what we cannot do. A manager lived with us in our dorm. Every time we wanted to go out to see our friends, we had to ask for his permission first. If he said it was okay to go, we had to come back to the dorm on time. Our Korean teams are strict but they have their reasons. If we think thoroughly, we are considered a product. If anything happens to us, it is like their product is damaged. The company may suffer losses after assessing the cost of production.”

(SUDSAPDA: When did you know you became well-known as an artist?)

“When I went out and people wanted to take photos with me, walked or ran to follow me around. It was a little strange. After times passed, I have understood this is my life. I have to face these things from now on. I have to accept the ways things are and be able to adjust myself.”

“For 11 years as 2PM’s Nichkhun, I have to fight a battle since the very first day I made a decision to walk this path. Every day is a battle. The battle within myself occurs most frequently and is the toughest battle I have fought. We hardly have to fight with everything around us that we have no control over. What we are able to control is our action, mind, thought and speech, all of which can affect everything in our life. I believe a battle within oneself is most arduous.”

“I have regularly reminded myself if I live a leisurely and easy life, I will never grow or improve. We have to encounter both positive and negative experiences. Then we will become a better person. We will know things more than we previously knew. Lastly, we will be able to think more comprehensively. I feel fortunate for having a chance to work and live overseas. I have been able to learn people’s thoughts in each country that I visited. Applying and learning from different thoughts, I have gained a broader perspective and become more understanding and perceptive of other people.”

Thai idol

Pride vs Expectation

“The word ‘idol’ paved the way for me until I have reached this position. I don’t feel like I am an idol though. Most people possibly consider idols as someone untouchable. I prefer to believe I am working and having a career as an actor, a singer and an artist.”

“I have to say I was lucky for getting into music business during the period of the global K-pop boom. I am one of the first foreigners who have become successful in South Korea. It was such great timing. I have been fortunate for meeting and working with great people. Luck and opportunity came along at the right moments.”

“I have often heard sentences like: “Nichkhun is the first Thai who has become successful in the Korean entertainment business. Nichkhun is the pride of Thailand.” My feelings after hearing these sentences have changed. Initially, I didn’t know how well-known or successful I was. When I heard these sentences, I felt like it was a burdensome expectation. I didn’t understand why people had to say I was the national pride. During that time, I was just trying to fulfil my responsibilities. After a while, I have understood that I have received this nickname because I am Thai. People admire me for being able to come this far. That’s why I am careful not to do anything that will damage the reputation of my country. I have always tried to think good thoughts, say good words, and do good deeds. In reality, I am human and I make mistakes sometimes. However, I have drawn a line for myself that I will never cross. I have always felt that Thai fans are my personal pride. They have given me moral support until I am able to come this far. Being considered as the pride of my country is one of the great honours of my life.”

2PM and their strong friendship

“My achievement as a member of 2PM is one of the most memorable things in my life. However, what impresses me most is the fact that six members of 2PM who are remarkably different have been able to work and live together like we are in the same family. I am glad that in my life I have met and become friends with these five people. To be frank, during the earliest days of working together as a band, we were still competitors. (laugh) We didn’t totally hit it off. There were some feelings like I wanted to have more airtime or singing parts. Nevertheless, we have worked together for a long period of time now. We have experienced several good and bad situations together. We have stood by each other through thick and thin for 10 years. Including our trainee days, we have been together for 12 years. I know they are my true friends. I can say I consider them my real friends whom I am willing to sacrifice my life for. Nowadays, when anything happens, we yield to (the wishes or opinions of) each other.”

(SUDSAPDA: Younger idols consider 2PM as an exemplary boy band. How do you maintain strong friendships in the group?)

“Opening up to each other. Living and spending time together almost all the time, we sometimes got irritated, angry or mad at each other. Even people in the same family get mad at each other occasionally. When we were upset or had some conflicts, we would honestly talk to each other. Even though they were issues between two people, six of us would get together to straighten things out. Everything had to be clear before we went our separate ways or went to sleep. We would not leave things unresolved. These days we know each other inside out. If someone has certain facial expressions, we know what’s on his mind (or know that there’s something wrong).”

Nichkhun’s free days

“Besides exercising, if I have a free day, I usually stay at home. I hardly go out. I work overseas, travel, and stay at hotels all the time. When I have some free time, I want to stay home. I enjoy cooking and eating. I have a dream that one day I will open a restaurant. I have more work schedules in Thailand lately. If I have some spare time, I often go to Hua Hin with my family. If I don’t have much time, I try to see my family every time I come back. I had a meal with over 20 relatives recently. It felt great. Thailand is my home no matter what.”

Nichkhun’s pride in his first solo album

“I consider releasing a solo album as a new step in my career. It is a new challenge for me in my thirties. I have said time and again that my path in the entertainment business truly started below zero. I had no interest in singing, dancing, or performing in front of hundreds or thousands of people. After passing the audition and becoming a JYPE trainee, I began to learn and practice everything. It’s like I started counting from zero. Ten years later, I have an opportunity to release my own album. It makes me profoundly proud of myself. At the same time, I have wondered why I didn’t do it earlier.” (laugh)

(SUDSAPDA: Why didn’t you release your album in your twenties?)

“During the time, I had never thought I was a talented singer. I never thought I would be able to sing alone. I didn’t have any confidence. I have small singing parts in 2PM’s albums but I have been happy with my works. I enjoy working with my friends. If some of us have something lacking in certain areas, we help to complement each other. Now that some of my friends are in the army, I have to find my own path. Focusing solely on acting is too limiting. I would like to try doing something different. Releasing a solo album is definitely new for me. I was deeply anxious that I had to perform in a two-hour concert alone. I didn’t know whether I would do it well or be able to hold everything together in front of thousands of audience members. After I went on stage and started performing, I felt relieved that everything went smoothly. Huh… I am not as bad as I thought. (smile) I worried beforehand.”

“I am thankful for having been a member of 2PM for 10 years. I can perform in a solo concert today because of prior experiences with my friends. I think of my solo album as the first step to being an artist, not an idol. My album “ME” results from the music styles I like. I have participated in composing and writing songs, singing and playing musical instruments. I have come up with concepts for each song and decided how it was going to begin and end. Then my producers helped me creating music. I cannot do everything all by myself. At the moment, I have been practising piano and guitar for my concerts so frequently my fingers hurt. I want to be proficient at playing these instruments because I aim to create my own songs all by myself. I want to make music that appeals to a broad base of fans, music that they can listen to any time.”

“I like every song in my album “ME.” If I have to choose, Mars is my favourite song. I once had an idea that I wanted to make a song called Mars. I wrote this song while I was on the way to vacation in Hua Hin with my family. Sitting in the van alone, I hummed a tune and felt these melodies were pretty good. I recorded them on my phone and wrote the lyrics later. I asked my friend who composed my first song, Let It Rain, to listen to the melodies. We had a discussion and I told him I wanted it to be a song with only piano (and vocals). After he played these melodies for me, I recorded the song. From what I have learned, a good time to write a song is when I have a clear head. The easiest time is when I take a shower. A warm shower can be so relaxing my mind is bright, clear, and overflowing with ideas and melodies. Sometimes I had to hastily pick up my phone to record these ideas even before I finished taking a shower.” (laugh)

Nichkhun’s upcoming works

“I released my album “ME” at the end of last year. I am planning an Asian Tour this year. For Thai fans, please wait a little longer. I will absolutely hold a solo concert in Thailand. We are having a discussion about timing. I will release an international version of my album which includes a Thai version as well. Please stay tuned for my upcoming works. I have always told my fans I want them to be happy, healthy, and wealthy. (smile) I may not be able to see all of my fans. What I can give you most is an inspiration and my works that I have put a lot of effort into. Whenever you are sad or disheartened, I want you to listen to “ME.” I hope you will be happy and feel encouraged to keep going.”

[Thai-English Trans by Daffodil0624]

MAY BE TAKEN OUT WITH PROPER CREDITS

#2pm #nichkhun #interview #SUDSAPDA Magazine #Daffodil0624 #magazine

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sugagimmesugar · 5 years

Text

Only Fools Fall for You Chapter 3

Chapter 3: I know that you’re the feeling that I’m missing

Chapter: 1 2 3 4 5 6

The pub she takes him to is a small place, designed to imitate the British pubs as closely as possible. The food fits the theme, with stews and classics like Fish & Chips on the menu, accompanied by a huge selection of beers. It’s the perfect place for Namjoon. It’s quiet and quaint, beautiful in a rough, comfortable way. Like a pub should be. The only customers on a Monday evening are a few middle aged people, definitely not the kind to go berserk when they recognize him. He loosens a breath, relieved at the possibility of a simple, calm night at a pub. A rarity with his hectic lifestyle. They sit down, silently choosing food and drinks, just calmly existing together.

As their drinks arrive, they start talking again, the girl suddenly bursting with questions: “Ok, so I get you’re like a superstar…” She whispers the last word with a grin. “... So you guys have two concerts here in town? And tomorrow is the second one? How did the first one go? And what do you do in your free time? Do you even have free time?” With her hand under her chin, she grins at him, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. He laughs, takes a deep breath and tries not to fall into his interview persona as he is confronted with questions he’s heard a thousand times before. Normally, his dates don't start out with a whole list of questions like this. Normally, his dates know who he is and what that means. But this seems like fun.

“OK, uh.. Let me think. Yes, we have two concerts here. Then we move on to Stockholm and then the next place. The first concert was Saturday night, it went great. It’s always amazing with ARMY, that’s our fans. They love us so much and as much as we can get scared before a big show, their screams and love always make our hearts shine bright. And, yes, the second one is tomorrow, this was supposed to be a whole week of vacation for us but the tickets sold so well that our company decided to push another concert, even if its mid-week. Surprisingly, it’s also sold-out. So it should be awesome.” He pauses, a dimpled smile on his face as he thinks of ARMY and how nicely the Saturday concert went.

He winks at y/n : “You should really come tomorrow, see it for yourself.” She just laughs, waving him to continue answering her questions: “Uh, what else did you ask? Right, the free time. As I said, this was supposed to be our vacation, just a little time off in between concerts. We rarely get more than that. We are constantly working on new music, and in K-Pop the time in between albums is a lot shorter, so this is quite normal. But yea, we still get some time off, even though most of it is spent sleeping or working on music. Or travelling. I don’t really know when the last time was when I had a whole day just to do what I want. Today was really something special there, even though we still had practise this morning. Tomorrow will be lots of rehearsing and a fansign, so today was the most free time I got in the last weeks. So I spent it doing what I like to do most, I saw more of a new city, explored a beautiful town and saw some of a culture that is different from what I am used to.” As he speaks, her face drops a little but she can’t help but smile at his obvious excitement and love for her city.

“Damn, it sounds like you need to rest. How about you take a break from RM tonight and just spend some time as Namjoon? Take at least a small break from superstardom. I promise I’ll try to forget that you’re like insanely famous and coincidentally my latest musical obsession. “ She finishes with a laugh. A weight drops from his heart, he didn’t realise how worried he had been that she might focus only on RM and not care about Namjoon anymore. Another broad smile spreads across his face and he raises his glass: “I’ll drink to that, y/n. A break, just a fun night as Namjoon. Show me how you can have fun on a Monday night here.” Laughing, they clink their glasses together and take a deep swig.

As they sit, talking about this and that, his phone starts plinging incessantly, a stream of texts from the other members. He excuses himself, and she laughs: “Must be important if 6 guys text you that much. I need to go to the bathroom anyways, so y’all can figure out whatever is so exciting.” She gets up and leaves him, smiling at his small apologetic look.

** BTS Groupchat**

JK: ey guys, Jimin-hyung found a store that sells exclusively alcohol and he went a bit overboard….

JK: so…. we have loads of drinks now, and manager Seijinie-Hyung says we can’t travel with that much alcohol in our luggage… so we’re supposed to either finish it before friday or we will have to throw it out.

JK: anyways, party at the AirBnB for anyone who isn’t already here….

Jimin: They had so many lovely tastes of vodka, how could I not try them all??

Jimin: So far I have tried 8… theyre niiiice

Tae: please guys we need some help here, you know I dont drink, even if it tastes like candy. Tae: And Jiminie is already drunk.

Jin: OMW with some food. I found a korean restaurant so we have to judge their quality

Jin: I bought lots of rice and 10 side dishes so it should be able to feed at least kookie and me

Jin: I am joking, I bought many snacks too, we have enough for tonight.

JK: FOOOOD!!! Thank you hyung!

Jimin: give me snac

Hobi: Sounds like a good time, but can I bring a girl?

Jin: do we have enough food for more guests? Also how did you already meet another girl, I didn’t even know last night’s visitor had left

Hobi: she seems nice enough, she doesnt know BTS so thats chill

Joonie: I know you guys have a group chat without me, why blow up my phone while I am on a date?

Jimin: Rapmonnie on a datee

Jimin: bring the girl we have enough drinks for evrybodyy

Jin: bring her!

Tae: just bring her!

Hobi: Yes, bring her, then I can bring my girl too

Hobi: Party Timeee!

JK: I’m sorry hyung. But yes, bring the girl. We can watch movies and play drinking games, the more people the more fun.

He takes a deep breath, looking up from his phone, smiling faintly. Considering, he looks around the bar, locking eyes with y/n who is waiting at the bar, trying to get more drinks. She smiles and he waves her over. At her gesture towards the bar he shakes his head, this time gesturing more persuasively. He looks at her with a big smile as she finally comes over, a questioning look on her face.

“You finished your drink ages ago, I thought I’d get this round and you can buy the next.”

“I have a question for you, a small change of plans, possibly.”

She raises her eyebrow, “Okay… Hit me, Nam.”

His heart stutters at the little nickname, and smiling he says: “My phone blowing up was actually the other members, one of them found a store that exclusively sells liquor and he kinda bought way too much for us to take home so our manager says we either have to drink it asap or we will have to throw it all out. So…. there’s a small party going on at our place, they’re asking us to join, too. If you’re up for that. I promise they’re loads of fun. A bit messy and crazy but fun. Jin-hyung is bringing food as well so we have food….. Although, we just ate so you are probably full… but yea, there’s a party, the other 6 members and apparently some girl. If you’re ok with it we could go there? What do you say?”

Her mouth hanging open in shock she says “He bought so much alcohol at Systemet that you can't travel with it? That’s a lot!! Uh, I guess I could go change quickly and come along. But could I maybe bring a friend as well. Just cause, you know, you're a tall buff man inviting me to go to some place with you and meet your 6 male friends…. I would like at least some backup.”

#Only Fools #bts rm #bts jin #bts suga #bts jhope #bts v #bts jungkook #bts jimin #bts namjoon #bts taehyung #bts imagine #bts fanfic #namjoon x reader #namjoon x y/n #rm x reader #rm x y/n

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rksora · 5 years

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AS OF 2019 ━━━━━━━━ template ┊ @astraofrph ◞ ❤

❥ ┊ BASIC INFORMATION ━━━━━━━━━━━

› full name park jiwon ┊ 박지원

› pronunciation

› meaning

› reasoning jiwon is a popular name, her mom wanted her to be popular ( lol joke’s on her! )

› nickname ( s )

› preferred name ( s )

› birth date march 20, 1999

› age nineteen

› zodiac pisces ・ water sign ┊ the fish. pisces are sensitive little weirdos. they’re intuitive and emotional, passive, and deeply concerned with what people think of them; they have a tendency to be fairly self-depreciating as a result of this. pisceans are gentle and kind, but pessimistic too, and will easily compromise on their beliefs if they think it will make other people like them.

› gender / pronouns female ┊ she / her / hers

› romantic orientation biromantic

› sexual orientation bicurious

› nationality korean

› ethnicity korean

› current residence hapjeong-dong, mapo-gu, seoul

› living conditions adequate to agreeable ┊ practical for a one person

› trainee title ( s ) little bird

❥ ┊ BACKGROUND ━━━━━━━━━━━

› birth place dongjak-gu, seoul

› hometown jingwan-dong, eunpyeong-gu, seoul

› social class lower middle class ┊ when she was younger she was closer to the poverty line until her mom met her step-dad

› education level completion @ unnamed high school

› father kim sangil, 50 ┊ business man

› mother park yerin, 46 ┊ housewife, part-time at butcher shop

› step-father ham kihyun, 45 ┊ butcher shop owner

› half-sibling ( s ) ham jisung, 10 ┊ primary school kid

› birth order ( 1 ) jiwon ( 2 ) jisung

› children

› pet ( s ) her brother, jisung, has a pet goldfish and while jiwon has always wanted a dog, she isn’t financially equipped to have one

› other important relatives

› previous relationships ( 16 / 17 ) she dated a boy in high school who took her heart and her purity and threw it into the dirt

› criminal record

❥ ┊ OCCUPATION & INCOME ━━━━━━━━━━━

› primary source of income trainee under kt entertainment ( as of november 12, 2018 )

› secondary source of income sometimes her mom sends her money but jiwon sends it right back so her mom compromised and asks her to come home to pick up food

› tertiary source( s ) of income she still gets her checks from the thrift shop because boss yang thinks she can’t take care of herself ( one of these days she’s going to give him a stern talking to !! )

› approximate amount per year

› content with their job ( or lack there of ) ? somewhat, she’s neither disinterested or wholly elated. she’s just ... passing time, oddly enough.

› past job ( s ) jjangtime thrift shop employee

› spending habits spends a little too carelessly at the gs25 near her house in hapjeong ; is sad that she didn’t utilize her discount at jjangtime as well as she should have

› most valuable possession ... the ‘letters’ she thinks her dad sent her but were really from her mom

❥ ┊ SKILLS & ABILITIES ━━━━━━━━━━━

› physical strength she’s 49kg of weak muscle

› stamina 0 / 10 as referenced through her Fainting at practices

› teamwork 8 / 10 at teamwork as she’s usually a Follower

› talents dancing, faking a Smile, somehow keeping friends even though she’s a pretty shitty friend?

› shortcomings gets winded really easily ; doesn’t have a lot of ambition / determination ; feels doubtful and anxious in unfamiliar settings ; does not like Change

› language( s ) korean ( fluent ), english ( conversational ), ksl ( basic )

› can they : drive / jump-start a car / change flat tire / ride a bicycle / swim / play an instrument ( and what instrument ) / play chess / braid hair / tie a tie / pick a lock / etc:

❥ ┊ PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS ━━━━━

› face claim park jiwon, fromis9

› eye color brown

› hair color ( naturally dark brown / black ) but dyed blonde with hot pink tips

› hair type / style thin, usually down ; slightly wavy if air-dried

› glasses / contacts wears ‘fashion’ glasses that don’t have a prescription, sometimes

› dominant hand left-handed

› height / weight / build 159cm, 5'2" ┊ 49kg, 108lbs ┊ petite

› exercise habits prior to working at kt, she had none, but since then has actively gone to yoga every afternoon

› skin tone fair / tans easily

› tattoos

› piercings pierced ear lobes

› marks / scars two moles on her left shoulder blade that looks like a colon ( : )

› notable features dimpled right cheek that is prominent whenever she smiles a little

› usual expression withdrawn, anxious ┊ example

› clothing style casual ┊ thrift shop hipster

› jewelry

› allergies bananas, peanuts

› body temperature neither runs too hot nor too cold, but does get cold easily

› diet whatever at the convenience store for Sale is a Go

› physical ailments

❥ ┊ PSYCHOLOGY ━━━━━━━━━━━

› jung type isfp / isfj ┊ emotional af but they don’t show it ; softies at heart ; more attentive than they let on ; still, reading between the lines ain’t their forte ; aesthetics master ; are more spontaneous and fun than they look ; have quirky interests that may shock you

› enneagram type

› moral alignment chaotic good

› temperament melancholic ┊70% ; phlegmatic ┊30%

› element water

› primary intelligence type intrapersonal intelligence

› approximate iq

› mental conditions / disorders

› sociability 7 / 10

› emotional stability 5.5 / 10

› obsession ( s )

› compulsion ( s )

› phobia ( s ) scared of heights ( includes: roller coasters, being high on an escalator, plane, building )

› vice / addiction ( s )

› drug use

› alcohol use 2 / 10 ┊ a social drinker who will only drink when around others who are

› prone to deprecating thoughts, sarcastic remarks, silently judging from the side, being more Fake than one would expect

❥ ┊ MANNERISMS ━━━━━━━━━━━

› speech style

› accent slight accent when speaking english

› quirks likes to crack her back, gets annoyed easily, wears glasses but doesn’t need them, types texts with her thumb

› hobbies dancing, fashion, origami, filming, watching movies, telling ghost stories,

› habits heavy breath that blows her hair away from her face, full pouts, deadpan expression, eye rolls, small fists, constantly apologizing,

› nervous ticks pinching, chewing bottom lip, biting inside of her cheek

› drives/motivations wanting to prove people wrong ( 25% )

› fears of heights, of never being good enough, of disappointing people who mean most to her

› positive traits humble, loyal, selfless

› negative traits pessimistic, realistic, blunt

› sense of humor sarcastic / memes

› do they curse often? ... perhaps

› catchphrase ( s ) “ can you not. ” / “ why. ” / “ what the fuck. ”

❥ ┊ FAVORITES ━━━━━━━━━━━

› activity watching movies

› animal capybara

› beverage strawberry milk ┊ brown sugar milk tea

› book

› celebrity

› color black / red

› designer lol she’s too poor, sorrys

› food caramel candies, samgyetang, kimchi jjigae, fried chicken and pickled radish, ice cream

› flower sunflower

› gem (maybe her birthstone?)

› holiday halloween ∙ children’s day ∙ black day

› mode of transportation normally uses the bus; though, on the weekends is more prone to using the subway

› movie can’t buy me love ∙ the beauty inside ∙ my sassy girl ∙ 100 days with mr. arrogant ∙ 200 pound beauty ∙ the way he looks ∙ pulp fiction ∙ fight club ∙ moulin rouge ∙ romeo & juliet ∙ superbad ∙ slumdog millionaire ∙ moulin rouge ∙ the grand budapest hotel ∙ the martian ∙ gone girl

› musical artist 주영 jooyoung ∙ 크러쉬 crush ∙ 헤이즈 heize ∙ frank sinatra ∙ stevie wonder ∙ 아이유 IU ∙ 애쉬뮤트 ashmute ∙ bevy maco ∙ 콜드 colde ∙ 쎄이 saay

› quote / saying expect nothing and you will never be disappointed.

› scenery fresh snow on the ground

› scent

› sport volleyball, i guess

› sports team

› television show the good place ∙ my fair lady gongshim ∙ cunning single lady ∙ meteor garden ∙ sex education

› weather cold / chilly

› vacation destination somewhere outside of seoul, preferably easily accessible via a car or bus ride

❥ ┊ ATTITUDES ━━━━━━━━━━━

› greatest dream to get her father to Notice her

› greatest fear disappointing those she Loves most, Not being good Enough, being Replaced ( in that order )

› most at ease when doing nothing, laying in bed, watching movies

› least at ease when trying to adjust to change, in unfamiliar settings, when she says the Wrong thing, foot in the mouth disease

› worst possible thing that could happen when she gets her foot in the mouth disease

› biggest achievement ( currently ) becoming a trainee at kt

› biggest regret ( currently ) becoming a trainee at kt

› most embarrassing moment her mom groveled at @rkxhyunjin‘s feet to tutor her in front of his entire school during the afternoon

› biggest secret she’s a child out of wedlock and her dad pretty much paid her off to not contact him

› top priorities ( 1 ) proving to her dad that she’s not a waste of time ( 2 ) being more considerate of others ( 3 ) start doing better and taking being a trainee seriously

#❥ ┊ her .#this was honestly so Long it took me two hours to complete

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yoosmekihyun · 6 years

Text

BTS Concert Observations

The concert was so amazing and I feel incredibly grateful and lucky that I was able to go. The Fort Worth Convention Center had their shit TOGETHER. I saw the Wings Tour in LA at the Honda Center last year and the organization was a joke in comparison to Fort Worth. Serious kudos goes to the staff working. I also felt much better with all the cops in the venue too. They looked like they were not fucking around and I appreciated that considering the death threat Jimin received after the announcement of the concert. All the security made me feel certain that nothing was going to happen.

I cried three different times during the show but for different songs so I’ll get into that below. I want to break down the show by members like I did for the Monsta X show. I’m going to put a cut for anyone who would rather move past this post. If that’s you, then you’re missing out! (But I do understand.)

When I talk about them with other fans I usually use their given names, but for those who may just be casual fans or BTS isn’t their cup of tea, I’m putting their given names and stage name (if applicable) to avoid confusion.

Namjoon/RM - Our fearless leader looked FLAWLESS. I see why he says his best physical feature is his skin because he is seriously so gorgeous and he glows! I don’t believe the glowing is just due to his skincare though; I think a lot of it is coming to his own self love and acceptance. You could just tell that he was living his best life up on the stage and was having a blast the whole time. When he came out and did his solo stage of “Love” I was such a proud ARMY. He just danced along that stage (alone!) and was totally jamming and exuding sheer joy. Considering his solo stage for Wings was “Reflection” and the lyrics were about wanting to love himself, this stage is a fully circle where he clearly is so happy and loving himself and his life. That energy was so satisfying and I got emotional later thinking about it all. His English has continued to improve and I love hearing him speak. I can’t even talk about the hip thrust to the camera during Baepsae. It happened and I’m still not over it. He made a little pun on both nights, from what I understand, and said that we were his “First Worth.” Then he laughed at himself while he apologized (but we know he’s really proud of that! Jin is rubbing off on him!). By the way, Nams, I saw those red converse. Miss Pearl approves.

Seokjin/Jin - Jin looked like he was having so much fun on that stage, being silly and interacting with the fans. He got some of the loudest cheers and he shamelessly threw kisses at us throughout the show (and I would expect nothing less). One of the times I cried was during “Epiphany.” His voice has improved SO MUCH since debut and he hits me in the feels ever. single. time. The song already is very important to me for personal reasons and I resonate with it to a deep level. That aside, Jin’s interpretation of it takes it to a whole new level for me and I cried some ugly tears during his song. Jin was one I couldn’t stop looking at during “The Truth Untold.” I thought I was going to cry during it but I must have shed all my tears by that point or I was expecting to cry so I didn’t. It was still incredible, he’s incredible, and I love him.

Yoongi/Suga - My ultimate of ultimates, my true unicorn, the untouchable standard no other man can reach, completely solidified his top spot for me. Not just as my bias in BTS but also the top spot among all my other group biases. The man is SO GORGEOUS and has the cutest smile and I don’t know if I’ve ever screamed so hard or so loud as I did for him during their introduction when he took his ear piece out to hear us. He made me clutch my heart SO MANY TIMES throughout the show. The second time I cried during the show was during Seesaw. During Seesaw, Pearl? Why did that make you cry? Let me tell you, dear reader, because it was an emotional journey to this point. It’s a given that he looked incredible (I mean, red is seriously that man’s color) and his stage presence is off the charts but I was completely moved by the growth I saw on that stage. Just like with Namjoon, seeing him where he is now to where he was during debut is INCREDIBLE and I couldn’t be more proud of him. I remember watching when he shouted his grievance to Bang PD about how he was told when he signed on that he wouldn’t have to dance but then they ended up always dancing. Seeing him dancing, in the middle, and with props during his solo stage had me shocked. On top of that he was SO GOOD. I got all proud and emotional to see how far he has come during all of this. Remember when he would pretend to sing and then screech the song at whoever he was trolling? His singing voice is just...I could listen to that deep sultry voice all day, every day, and never tire of it. I could continue to wax poetic about how amazing Yoongi sounds, looks, performs (you know, everything about him) but I’ll spare you, precious reader, since you’ve made it this far and I still have four other members to go.

Hoseok/Hobi/J-Hope - His smile...Hobi really is pure sunshine and joy. He’s a true pleasure to watch on that stage and you can see that performance is his passion. His solo song was amazing (dancing on an elevated stage?! why you gotta stress me out like that, Hobi?!) and it was fun and such good energy, which is exactly how Hobi is. I was expecting to feel completely attacked by Hobi going into the show. I think I had my defenses up so I walk away pretty unscathed from his rudeness. Don’t get me wrong, he was VERY rude with all those hip thrusts and all the damn charisma but I was the most prepared for him going into the show so the others did so much more damage to my heart. I love hearing him speak in English - he’s gotten really good and his enunciation is fantastic. You can tell he’s been studying and you know this girl loves a man who cares enough to put forth that kind of effort. Hobi, you’re a darling and so precious and we really don’t deserve you. Thank you for loving us. <3

Taehyung/Tae/V - When I first got into the fandom, @jeonjagiya and I had several discussions about how Tae was going to be a serious problem as he got older and started filling out. That day has come my friends because Tae is LETHAL now. He looks amazing with that blonde hair, and yes I will admit, the mullet as well (I still prefer no mullet but if he’s happy, I’m happy). How can a man look so good in black leather and powder blue slacks? He makes every outfit look incredible and I just don’t understand that superpower. His dancing is really great and if he hadn’t been part of the dance line before, he would have earned it with his performance during this tour. THAT EYE GAME THOUGH. That’s the true panty melting power - it’s 100% unadulterated seduction and that is how he is climbing up my list. When he looks into the camera like he’s seeing you with x-ray vision and then his sweet, adorable smile breaks through...I just....it shouldn’t be LEGAL. And his vocals! Ugh! He sent a shiver through my heart and into my loins and I know that’s what he was trying to do! I see you Kim Taehyung...I see you.

Jimin - Four words: I WAS NOT PREPARED. Let me just say, I love Jimin and I’ve always loved Jimin. He’s a precious sweetheart and I want to take care of him. Before the concert, I saw him as kind of like a sweet younger brother or cousin. After the concert, Park Jimin is officially my number 2 and I definitely don’t have the same kind of caretaker vibes after that. More like he’s the hot neighbor next door with FREAKING ABS THAT HE TRIES TO HIDE... but he accidentally on purpose makes sure you can get a good look at them from time to time. I can’t...I don’t even fully understand how this happened. I think he got me with the feels and then hit me with the sex appeal. The first time I cried during the show was during “Serendipity.” That song always gets me misty and watching him perform the extended version pushed me over the edge. But the choreography for it was so much sexier than I was expecting and he was in tight black pants and this sexy black button up with sparkles so he was shining like the star he is. Then, during “The Truth Untold” I couldn’t stop watching him with all the emotion on his face. They put him in this ugly pink sweater thing with a scarf and I didn’t even care because his face told the story and he made it feel like he had felt the events of the song and lived it. Well done, Jimin, well done. I officially will never underestimate your abilities to win me over again.

Jungkook - Jungkook sounded and looked incredible. He was stable and all of his dancing is so on point. I found myself wondering about some of the events that were shown during Burn the Stage and thinking about the pressures he must feel as the main vocalist and center. He seemed happy and like he was having a lot of fun during the show and that’s what makes him so fun for me to watch. His English has improved DRAMATICALLY. He may have improved more than anyone else. He spoke to us only in English and he took his time to pull together his thoughts into very clear sentences. He spoke quite a bit and I felt very proud of him after everything was said and done. “Euphoria” (his solo stage) was great - I get so amazed at the ability of singing well and clearly while dancing so hard. I know there’s lots of practice involved but Jungkook always impresses me when it comes to performance. This show was no exception.

To wrap it all up: If you ever get a chance to see BTS, it’s well worth the money (and I feel this way about all the groups I’ve seen thus far). The energy of the group with fellow ARMY is truly amazing. The fandom is diverse and it’s wonderful to see all ages, genders, and nationalities at the show. Watching and listening to native English speakers sing along in Korean always blows me away and the larger cultural significance of BTS and kpop in general is not lost on me, especially in those moments. I will be forever grateful to Iris for introducing me to BTS and kpop because the joy I’ve gotten from it is immeasurable.

#that ended up way longer than i thought #i just have a lot of feels #bts world tour #bts love youreslf #bts in forth wroth

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soft-sarcasm · 6 years

Text

byun baekhyun: the pretense of perhaps.

Pairing: byun baekhyun x reader.

Summary: you only wanted to think of the reasons as why this shouldn't have happened, maybe then coming to terms with the fact that it had would be easier to manage.

Genre: angst, Marriage!Au, Businessman!Baekhyun

Word count: 4+k.

a/n: this was originally a Baekhyun drabble that spiralled so completely and thoroughly out of control that I had to just make it a scenario of its own. I'm not exactly sure where this idea came from or the emotions around it but I do know that I listened to Urban Zakapa's 'I Don't Love You' at least three times. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it and please excuse any word/ spelling errors.

Perhaps in a different life, it wouldn't have hurt as much.

Perhaps in a separate timeline where you were just a nameless observer in the background of the lifelessly joyous end of year office party, simply watching a beautiful man converse with an equally beautiful woman in such closeness that one could even mistake them for potential lovers.

Perhaps in another world where you didn't know the sound of the melodic laugh that escaped his lips between sips of Martini almost better then you knew your own.

Perhaps in a parallel dimension, there was a version of you that wasn't wallowing in your own pitiful loneliness and longing, the frost of your forgotten drink spreading from your fingers to the edges of your soul while he leaned closer.

Perhaps if you were a better person, you would have marched over to him and told him to stop.

But seeing as you weren't a better person and this was niether a different life, seperate timeline, another world or even a parell dimension, you didn't. Instead, you simply watched as she laughed and then he laughed until they were both laughing that you would think their voices were born to live in harmony. You took shaky sips of your thanklessly alcohol-less drink and attempted to pretend that sight of the merry couple on the other side of the purposefully dim room wasn't causing the ache that was currently splintering the already fractured organ that rattled in your chest.

The current situation was not helping at all with your state of unease and near paranoia, especially as you glanced around at the office worn faces dressed in what you could only assume was their version of 'party wear' and recognised no one. You shifted from one heeled foot to the other, trying to take small intakes of your beverage as possible so that you wouldn't lose your only distraction. Discomfort had settled over you like a second layer of fabric to completement the outfit that already clung to you.

Baekhyun had promised that he wouldn't leave your side even for a moment tonight, especially as he knew your afflicition when it came to being surrounded by people you didn't know in a situation you couldn't control. His promise had been kept for an entirety of 13 minutes, a miserable record in fact, and then suddenly there was no grip on your waist, leaving you defenceless as your shield trapped off in the opposite direction. It had taken you a few moments of wandering the conference room-turned-venue to finally spot him leaning carelessly on the bar, words of charm leaving his mouth like a song that he had been humming his entire life. You weren't even sure why he had been so insistent on you coming in the first place, his excuse of 'I love having you with me' falling flat in the face of your current seperation. The stretch of dull grey carpet between where you stood attempting to use one of the small tables as a shelter and his position of half-leaning on the counter next to him and half-leaning in to whisper something you knew would turn your stomach might as well have been a mirthless ocean with how unreachable he felt.

"They make quite the pair huh?" Was the purposefully coy start-up that was so unexpected that you startled back at the intrusion, blinking wildly at the person that now joined you at your small island of lonliness. The man who stood next to you close enough that your shoulders were near touching was impossibly good-looking and for a dazzled moment, you mindlessly wondered if Baekhyun's work hired their employees based on looks alone. But then you realised in your previous overview of the room that there had been no one who even came close to comparing with the tall structure of fathlomessly black hair and a sharp bone structure that was only met by the razor-edge of his eyes that observed you in blatant interest that no, it was only him.

You were so busy admiring him that you had near forgotten his opening statement, but then it whisped back into your disracted mind and you felt your heart shudder as you blinked the haze of your eyes, "Sorry, what?"

He simply nudged his head in the direction of where Baekhyun stood, the manicured hand of his conversation partner now resting on his arm, "Those two, they're two of our youngest supervisors. They're quite the pair no?"

"Do they work together often?" You tried your best to smoother the senseless pain in your voice with casual indifference.

"Oh yeah, all of our supervisors have to." He nodded towards them together, "They're somewhat of a celebirty couple around the office due to how much they've accomplished since she started working here a few months back. Personally, I find it a bit nauseating."

The gulp of your drink you forced down your throat did nothing to ease the lump that had formed there, instead, it just made actually swallowing that much more painful. This new knowledge was no comfort to you because instead of just being some passing face in the office or someone he had only spoken to once, he knew this woman, knew her so well that people at their work even though they looked good together. And you couldn't blame them, even you could notice how their aesthtics complimented each other.

"I'm Yixing by the way," The man beside you suddenly informed, extending his hand to you and you tried your best to keep your grip as steady as possible as you met the gesture. "What department do you work for by the way, I don't think I've ever seen you around."

"Y/N," You returned his introduction before shifting from one numb leg to the other, "And I don't work here, I teach Psycology at Seoul University."

This seemed the shock Yixing and you lapped at the distraction because it was so much easier to look away from them when you had Yixing's golden brown eyes looking at you, "Wow, I don't think I've ever met a Professor so young or so attractive might I add. How do your students ever concentrate?"

You scoffed at the frothy compliment, "That was awful."

"Yeah but it caused you at least some amusement and that's what I'm aiming for," Yixing shrugged back from the shove you reached to give his shoulder, grinning as you couldn't fight down a smile of your own.

"Well, I hope that's all you're aiming for," You warned because you could tell by the lean in Yixing's stance that clarification was needed, "I'm taken."

"Then I'll be Liam Neeson," Yixing crooned, seemingly undettered, "Your relationship status doesn't suddenly mean that you're unable to have a conversation does it."

You forced yourself to not look over to your left, instead steeling yourself forward and taking another sip, "I guess not."

Yixing was a wonderess diversion, so much so that you willed yourself to ignore the sometimes overly suggestive comments and focus mainly on the relief of having something else to focus on until Baekhyun deemed it time to leave. He was roughly the same age as Baekhyun and yourself, having worked at the same company for only less a year after being moved over from their sister branch in China. He was charming and looked at you in away you had missed more then words come summon which made it easy to forget that you most likely shouldn't be basking in the attention in the way you currently were.

"-But all the while, I kept yelling what I thought I was 'please get out' when it turns out I was saying 'please fuck me out,' no wonder the man didn't want to leave." Yixing finised describing the end of a particularly rocus tale of one of his first expierences at a sauna when he came to Korea, "That's why I get from learning the majority of my Korean from a college roommate."

You were struggling to keep yourself composed despite the near cackles that rumbled from your chest, "This is why I'm always scared to speak in other languages, I mean what if one day I'm just trying to order some food and accidentally tell the waiter I want him to eat me out?"

"Done that," Yixing deadpanned and the artifical solemn in his tone was enough to have you both rendered into a fit of barely controlled giggles.

Your face remained cracked in a grin even as you and Yixing seemingly calmed down, both of you ignoring the glowers from the painfully middle-aged couple whose less conspicuous rendezvous was being distrubed by your banter. Their glares were quickly forgotten as you and Yixing were sent into another spur of this time hopefully quieter snickers.

Suddenly, Yixing's attention was snapped to something behind you and before you could turn to face it, a hand was on your arm, "Are you ready to leave darling?"

It was as if someone had turned off the heat and you were abrutptly being submerged in a bath of ice, your joints locking under your weak skin at the warm grip that now resided on your waist.

If Baekhyun's hold on you surprised Yixing, he didn't show it, simply taking a sip of his drink before greeting him in the way collegues usually greeted each other, with an overt amount of politness with a hint of disdain, "Baekhyun, always good to see you, how are you?"

"Great, thanks," Baekhyun replied far too brightly and you felt your mouth fill with cotten, "I see you've met my wife."

Now Yixing did look surprised, but only just and his eyes made a small flicker to the hand you had unintetionally kept clasped around your drink all night, the two metal bands that resided there suddenly biting into your skin. "Yes, we've been having a wonderous conversation. I don't remember you ever saying you were married, or if you did, that your wife was quite so lovely. You're quite lucky."

"Aren't I?" Baekhyun crooned and you almost felt repulsed at the way his grip tightened on you.

You had no reason to feel ashamed, you had told Yixing straight away that you were not single so there was no guilt to be felt. Instead, you were weighed down by the knowledge that if Yixing, who had worked with Baekhyun for the better part of a year, didn't know that Baekhyun was married. You couldn't help but think Yixing's comment was more so for you then Baekhyun by the way he was looking at you with such sympathy, as if he too was remembering the way you had both witnessed their closeness and he felt sorry for you. That did hurt.

When had your life become so downright cliche?

Jealousy was not something you had ever tolerated or even contemplated. You either trusted your partners completely or you weren't with them. Even tonight, when Baekhyun had abandoned you to sout out another woman and left you stranded at his work's end of your function that he had begged you to attend with him, there had not been any jealousy to find. Only sadness and loss, the sort that you just begun to push down during your conversation with Yixing but now had returned in full form. But while you never tolerated jealousy yourself, you knew how to spot it in the swirl of Baekhyun's gaze.

"I'm ready to leave when you are Baekhyun," You attempted to distract your husband away from his scrutinisation of Yixing by answering his previous question.

Baekhyun turned to you, his stare suddenly becoming something near lovesick and you startled at the sight because that's how unfamiliar it had become, "Well then let's leave now my love."

You nodded in agreement, Baekhyun giving you almost no time to even wave goodbye to Yixing as he guided you in the direction of the exit and you had to raise your voice so that he could hear you, "It was lovely meeting you Yixing."

"Same to you Y/N," Yixing stated and you wished you hadn't glanced the look of sorrowful understanding and apology in his eyes as you left because it made you feel all that much worse.

The mortification of it followed you all the way outside where you and Baekhyun waited in silence for your car to brought around by the valet, it was awful to know that Yixing had made the deduction to feel sympathy for you so quickly. That your reason for pain was so obvious that it didn't even take an explaination for a near stranger to understand.

Your interaction remained completely wordless as you slid into the vehicle, you taking up your resident spot at the wheel as it was clear that you were the only one sober between you and Baekhyun by the way he almost tripped over his feet on his way to the passenger side. There was also the wafting smell of rum that instantly filled the car as he took his seat beside you, instantly unbuttoning the top of his marroon shirt and slumping into the leather. You had to take a breath to simply focus yourself until you deemed yourself ready to drive, the emptiness of the late-night city mirroring perfectly that of the hollow that seemed to form in your chest.

You were near frantic as you wrestled yourself out of your jacket and heels once you had crossed the threshold of your shared apartment, Baekhyung shuffling slowly in behind you though you were to busy fleeing in the direction of your bedroom before he had even finished closing the door. You rid yourself quickly of your dress-shirt and trousers, barely sparing the moment to throw on a t-shirt before you were escaping to the en-suite bathroom for some clarity.

It was easier to focus in a place that was so entirely and completely saturated by Baekhyun, especially as you picked up the whispering rustle of him entering the bedorom behind you. The blisteringly bright lights were almost enough to blind you as the bounced off of the plain white marble and sterling silver but you focused more on scrubbing the artificial face you had painted on for tonight's occassion. Your reflection was pitiful as you rubbed the clensing foam into your skin, the silver liquid pooling at your tear-line enough to have your movements quickening into a near fury.

The lukewarm water you bathed your skin in did little to wash away the hurt that was burning your chest like soap getting caught in your eye and you found yourself wishing for the mundane pain if only to have something to combat the ache. Water and residel marscara dripped from skin like tears and you were glad you had them to conceal the ones that threatened to escape at the sight of Baekhyun's reflection scrutinising your own from his place propped up against the doorframe.

"Why didn't you tell Yixing you were married?" His voice was painfully mediated, not a single influx of deviation, but the calm clashed painfully with the storm in his eyes.

You let out a dry laugh, reaching for a towel to pat your face, "If you must know, I told him I was in a relationship after he approached me."

"Sure," Baekhyun scoffed, the sound so brittle that it had your bones near shaking in a mixture of fury and pain, "I'm sure that's exactly what you did, I mean why else would he be flirting with you when you so obviously made yourself unavailable?"

"Well I'm glad to know what you think my company's worth," You gritted out, your teeth slashing down on the inside of your cheek in an attempt to not say the other thousand-and-twelve horridly petty things you could have said in hopes to somehow to soothe your mangled pride, "We were just talking."

Baekhyung matched the softness of your admittance with a harsh cackle as he steeled his chest behind a cage of crossed arms, "I would love to see what you think is flirting if that was your version of just talking."

Your finger scrambled for purchase, digging into the marble as a new anger spread through you at his indignation, as if you were somehow the one in the wrong and the words spilt from you like water from an open tap, "Probably something like what you were doing with that woman."

You almost took satisfaction in the mixture of surprise and something almost shameful that crossed Baekhyun's face as he bristled, attemtping to clear himself of any sign of wavering, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really?" You were close to laughing now because this was all just too laughable, all of it, his face, your ignorance, it was all just so funny. "Because I could ask you why you hadn't told Yixing you were married, or anyone else it seems."

"It never came up in conversation," A cheap deflection and one that you were definitelty not buying.

"And my martial status did?" You snarked, suddenly feeling slightly more in control by the way Baekhyun's clear lack of defence as you whirled to face him so that you would be conversing with something more tangible than a reflection, "Yixing tells me you've worked with him for almost a year, I guess it's easy to assume that one's relationship status is more likely to come up in a minute long conversation rather than one over the course of an entire fucking year. Right?"

Your husband seemed to be at a loss for words, looking positively stupid as he tripped and trampled over his own tongue, "It isn't- it didn't- I wasn't-"

"You weren't what Baekhyun?" You had to swallow the sob, closing your eyes only if for a moment to keep your emotions in check before you turned around to face him, desperation smoothing over the frustration in your voice, "You weren't standing at my side like you promised me that's for sure, you weren't with me all night even after you promised me in all of your mithering for me to come with you that you wouldn't leave me even for a second. You weren't next to me even when you knew I didn't want to go in the first place, fuck why did you even ask me to come with you? To make me watch? To make me finally understand all the hints you've been putting out for months?"

"What are you talking about?" Baekhyun stuttered, utterly bewildered and took a step towards you but you instantly repelled backwards.

The knives of conclusion scraped your throat as you let out a mirthless chuckle, "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about Baekhyun. I mean, your collegues don't even know you're married for christsake!"

"How does that have anything to do with what's going on right now?" He demanded and you wished he would stop acting, stop pretending.

"Don't you see Baekhyun, it has everything to do with it." Your fingers dug so visciously into the palms of your hands that you were almost sure they were on the cusp of breaking and you forced yourself to meet Baekhyun's gaze of confusion, "You didn't even tell the people you work with, that you see every day, that you were married. And whether you were conscious of it or not, that means you didn't want to have to admit to it. It's a clear sign that you're avoiding this marriage, that you're trying to run away from it."

"The fuck I am!" You were almost startled by Baekhyun's outburst, "I don't care how much you think you know about the human psyche or whatever but that's utter bullshit, you can't just take the fact that I didn't tell anyone I work with that I'm married as me running away from our marriage."

"Maybe not," You admitted, an unsettling calm resting on your shoulders which was almost more frightening because that meant that there was no more fighting to be done, "But charming another woman surely does. Does she know you're married Baekhyun, did you tell her you were in a relationship or did you do it in the same way I supossedly didn't tell Yixing?"

At the mention of the woman who had held captive your husband's unabibded attention the entire evening your stomach curled. You wanted nothing more than to say that she was the cause of all of this so that you would finally have something, someone else to blame rather than yourself. But then you would be lying straight in the face of the truth that yours and Baekhyun's problems had been growing roots long before this woman had ever even entered his life.

Perhaps it had been you taking up the job you had been scrambling for your entire life but had also made you less available to Baekhyun that had started the chain reaction that had led you to here. You knew Baekhyun was someone who thrived and survived off of the attention of those around him, that you should have known that despite how much you loved each other that he wouldn't be able to help himself searching it out somewhere else if he couldn't find it at home. Baekhyun was right, you knew about the human psyche, you knew how it was so fundmentally human to not be even conscious of your straying if you were feeling neglected.

And to his credit, Baekhyun hadn't been the only one retreating from your relationship. You too had been creating a distance of your own whether it was intentional and perhaps your had been a bit too flattered by Yixing's attention.

How did things get this bad?

"Before you ask," Baekhyun's voice, though it boomed through the bathroom and split open the silence that had fallen over the space wavered, "I'll tell you outright, I've never cheated on you."

"I know you haven't, I wasn't going to ask," You admitted because if there was one thing you knew for certain it was that Baekhyun was no cheater, "But that's not the point Baekhyun."

The crack in his words was enough to make you want to sob, "Then what is the point? What's the point of any of this? I thought I did everything right- I thought-" Your own tears fell in empathy to the ones that streaked down Baekhyun's cheeks even as he attempted to rub them away, "-When did everything go so wrong?"

And there it was, denial gone Baekhyun had finally come to the conclusion that you had detirmined long ago but had been pushing away in hope, in blind and misguided hope that perhaps you were misjudging something. That maybe you were just imaging the way he had been pulling back and pulling away, only to then later smoother you in an enslaute of affection that you knew was more fueled by guilt than by actual love. No, Baekhyun had never cheated on you, but he wasn't in love with you either.

"It doesn't always work," You stated though the words sounded idiotic even to your own ears especially as Baekhyun let out a chuckle that lacked humour and possessed ample agony.

"But it was meant to work for us, right?" Baekhyun questioned in a near plea, eyes searching for a reassurance you would never be able to give, "This can't be the end, can it?"

You stepped foward to reach for Baekhyun's cheek, your vision blurred with tears of your own even as you brushed own from just under his eye and gave him that smile, the kind that people give other's when they both come to the realisation of the same heartwrenching truth.

Perhaps in a different life, it wouldn't have been the end.

Perhaps in a separate timeline, where you were just completely different people who met in a completely opposite sort of way and fell in love in turn.

Perhaps in another world in a parallel dimension, there was a version of you and a version of Baekhyun who never even met each other, who simply brushed past each other on the street and continued on, seeing nothing and feeling nothing.

Perhaps if you both were better people, things would have been different.

But perhaps is a word that comes far too easy, especially when one is walking away.

#exo #exo scenarios #baekhyun scenarios #baekhyun #exo angst #writing #exo smut

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jungtookthejams-blog · 6 years

Text

Jin Imagine [2]

[anon requested:

“i love you but you need more jin imagines. How's about reader is lowest student in class and jin decides (since he's top) to tutor her. And like one tutor sesh he asks why she doesn't work hard on education. And she tells him about her home life. Genre: fluff and lots of angst”

i love you too bab & i totally agree. let’s gO]

type : normal !

genre : angst + fluff ! // TRIGGER WARNING ; ABUSE + DEATH

AU : college bts !

word count : 2048 !

summary : You couldn’t care less about your education, that much is obvious. But if that’s the case, why are you in University? Kim Seokjin, upon taking you under his wing, is about to find out.

You sighed, rolling the pencil between your fingers as you stared at the professor, his words going in one ear and out the other. You couldn’t care less about whatever the hell he was talking about. His overly shiny shoes squeaked against the tile flooring as he paced back and forth in front of the large room, a single strand of his gelled beach blonde hair bumping with his movement.

Man, you wanted some rice. When was lunch, again?

Before you could answer your own internal question, his ruler slammed on your desk. Your idle eyes slowly moved to look at him as your nimble fingers finally dropped the pencil you’d been playing with. Several pairs of slightly judging and curious eyes landed on you as the professor clicked his tongue, “(L/N), you’ll be seeing me after this period ends.”

“Yeah,” You mumbled in response, “Whatever.”

The older man sighed, maneuvering his way back to the front of the class to grab a stack of papers.

“These,” he mulled, waving them around, “Are your midterm grades. As soon as you are handed your grade, you are free to leave, with the exception of Ms. (L/N), of course. First up, Park Ari.”

You tuned out the sound of students’ names being called, keeping your head on your desk as more thoughts of food flooded your mind.

“Kim Seokjin.”

Ugh, that stupid prep. You couldn’t stand him. A CEO’s son; he was handsome, smart, and so annoying. The only thing you admired about him was his love for food.

After the last student, Min Yoongi -- who you also couldn’t stand, how could he sleep through every class like you do and still get straight A’s? -- walked out, the irritated middle-aged educator slammed your grade in front of you.

42 - F

You looked at the paper, then up at him with a raised eyebrow, as if saying ‘and?’

Running a hand down his face, he sneered, “Don’t you give a damn about your grades, (L/N)? Why are you even in college if all you’re doing is failing? Does your family know about this? The system knows you still live with your parents. Your older brother-”

You abruptly stood and snatched the paper off the desk, sending the man a piercing glare, “Keep your nose in your own business, yeah?”

“I don’t understand what your problem is, (Y/N),” He said carefully, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “But I suggest you start bringing your grades up, unless you want to be kicked out of University. Dismissed.”

You roughly grabbed your things and walked out of the room, keeping your gaze onto the floor, the paper that contained your grade a ball in your hands. That is, until that paper was suddenly ripped from your grip.

Snapping your head up, you growled at the one and only Kim Seokjin as he looked over your grade. You jumped in an attempt to get the paper back, to which the taller man held it up and clicked his tongue, swiftly taking something out of his bag and shoving it in your mouth.

A- A lamb skewer?

You angrily pulled the stick out of your mouth, “What the hell, Kim? I swear I’ll-”

“Yah,” He cut you off with a breathtaking, motherly smile, “Eat your meat. It’s good for you. Protein.”

Upon seeing you not move a centimetre, other than the eye twitch, he gingerly took the lamb skewer from you and put it back in your mouth. You did nothing but stare at him in response, your gaze just dripping with ‘I’m done with you.’

Jin shoved the paper in his pocket and clasped your jaw in his hands, moving it up and down in a chewing motion while cooing at you, “See? There you go, it’s not that hard~”

Glaring, you begrudgingly ate the food and proceeded to spit the lone stick out once finished, “Can I have my grade back, asswipe?”

“Now, now,” Seokjin smiled, shaking his head, “No need to curse at me. I’m going to tutor you from now on, okay?”

“What?” Your eyes went wide, “No way-”

“You’re failing college,” He took the paper out of his pocket and teasingly waved it around with a wistful smile, “You need some help, yeah? You’re at the bottom, I’m at the top. And I’m kind enough to try and help you. You should just take it. See you at your place tonight at six?”

Gaping like a fish, you managed to croak some Korean, “I- no, no, not my house. Um, the café near Mixxo would be better..”

“Okay!” He shot you another smile before handing you your pitiful grade and patting you on the head and walking away after cheerfully saying, “It’s a date!”

“No, it’s not!” You yelled after him, sighing as he laughed in response. Muttering curses, you trudged to your next class, still pondering on what had just happened.

After school, you headed straight to the café. You didn’t feel like going home today, not yet.

You got yourself some coffee and immediately pulled out your laptop, getting to work on what you like to call ‘family business.’ You did that for a couple hours, until Seokjin arrived and happily sat across from you.

“What are you doing?” He asked, ordering a cup of coffee as well. You slammed the laptop shut, “Nothing.”

Humming, the slightly older boy shrugged, “Okay. Ready to learn about human anatomy?”

You got home at around eight at night. A long and hard study session left your brain fried, yet you stood strong when entering the door to the mansion that belonged to your family name.

“(Y/N), dear,” Your mother gave you a sweet smile when you walked in the door, causing you to gulp and force a smile back at her as she continued speaking, “You’re home awfully late! Your father saw that you’ve done some work after school, as well. Don’t forget to do it everyday, you don’t want to wind up like your brother.”

There was a dark glint in your eyes, hidden by the fake smile plastered on your face as you nodded in response, “Yes, mother. I’ve collected my midterm grade today.”

“Deliver it to your father at once,” Was her stone-cold response, her entire demeanor changing as she stalked off to the kitchen.

Mumbling under your breath, you trudged up the grand staircase towards your father’s office. You took a deep breath before knocking on the door, getting a loud “Enter” in response.

You twisted the knob and poked your head in the room, “Hello, father. My midterm grade came in today. It’s a forty-two.”

“Another F?” The man screamed, standing and dragging you inside, closing his office door behind you, “You useless girl! Your brother died for a reason, and that was for you to take over! You’re a disappointment, both of you!”

You kept your head down as he yelled and yelled, biting your lip.

“You’re going to wind up dead if this shit continues,” He said in a dark voice before shooing you away roughly, leaving you to your thoughts for the night.

“Good afternoon, (Y/N)!”

You sighed and looked up at the boy in front of you, “Seokjin.”

It’d been two weeks since your first study session with Jin. He’d found himself next to you everyday, annoying you to no end and shocking all the other students. Here you were again, at the café the two of you attended almost daily to study.

The taller boy set his tings down before joining you at the booth, setting his chin in his palm, “You’re smart, (Y/N). Why are you still flunking tests?”

You shrugged, “You can know everything about the world, but test-taking is a totally different skill to master.”

“I suppose, but all you need is to be confident in your answers, which you are when studying. I don’t get you.”

“Maybe it’s better if you don’t,” You sent him a glare over your laptop, making him hum in response.

Two weeks turned to two months, and Seokjin had stuck with you like a damn leech. You’d never admit it, but you grew very fond of him. Probably more than you should have.

And so, here you sat, in his bedroom as the two of you worked on a project for anatomy. You had to make a detailed poster and display of the human body. You were lying on the ground, writing out note cards with the information on them for the diagram as Seokjin was working on actually drawing the human body.

“Let’s take a break,” He said suddenly, “I’m hungry.”

You chuckled and sent him a small smile, “Sure thing.”

You stood and started walking towards the door, but Jin stopped you by taking your wrist and tugging you back.

“What’s up?” You mumbled, looking at him curiously.

He looked at you for s few seconds before cautiously pressing on, “Why don’t you live on campus like most students?”

“Oh,” You mumbled, “My parents prefer to have me at home. You know, to help with the chores and stuff.”

“Okay,” Your friend mulled, stepping closer to you, “And they know you’re failing, despite having the knowledge to pass?”

“Yes,” Your voice was small as you looked down, not wanting to look Seokjin in the eye.

“You have a bruise on your bicep.”

Your eyes shot up to lock with his concerned ones, you bit your lip and nodded, “Uh, yeah. I ran into a door frame.”

“No, (Y/N),” Jin’s voice hardened, “No you didn’t.”

Sighing, you ran a hand through your hair. No one was supposed to know. You were supposed to keep everyone away so they wouldn’t figure it out, but Seokin wiggled his way into your life, and now you were stuck.

So, you spilled. You told him about how your grandfather founded a large company, and everything was passed onto your father when he died. Your father, however, was not fit for the role of CEO, but his pride was too much for him to give the position to someone else. So he made his oldest child, your brother, do the work for him, but without the credit. Your brother did as he was told until two years ago, he disobeyed and attempted to move out of the country with his wife and newborn child.

Your father, enraged that his money-maker left him, hired a hitman to kill his own son.

That being said, you had to take on the position. You do as you’re told, but you purposefully fail in university so that you’re seen as a disgrace to the family. So that you can give your family a bad reputation and that way ruin all of the partnerships and large business of the corporation. It was your master plan.

The only problem was that your parents forced you to continue living with them, thus meaning that you had to deal with your father’s wrath.

Once you had finished, you took a deep breath. Jin was looking at you, biting his lip; he was processing all the information you’d just thrown at him.

“(Y/N),” He spoke softly, setting a hand on your arm, “You should tell someone about this and get a restraining order or something. At least move out.”

You shook your head lightly, “They’ll send people after me, just like they did my brother.”

Sighing, your friend pulled you into a hug, resting his head atop yours, “I’ll help you. We’re going to get you out of this situation.”

Relaxing against him, you protested, “No, I don’t want you in this-”

“I care about you, (Y/N). I care about you a lot, okay? And I’m not letting this happen to you. Not while I’m around.” He cut you off, tightening his grip on your torso as he gently pressed his lips to the top of your head.

It was then that you knew you trusted him. He was your home. Kim Seokjin was going to protect you, even if he couldn’t take you out of the situation, he was going to protect you. He was just as deep in his feelings than you were.

And in that -- in him -- you found comfort.

24 notes · View notes

restlessmaknae · 6 years

Text

when petals fall, we move on // pt. 2

♦ Words: 26.5k in total

♦ Parts: 3 // Part 1 - present day; Part 3 - back to present day

♦ Pairing: Wong Yukhei x Kim Yena (OC)

♦ Genre: angst, fluff, slice of life

♦ Summary: A story about childhood best friends growing up and battling their own demons. A story about forgiveness, guilt and self-love. A story about mistakes, endings and new beginnings.

♦ A/N: Special thanks to my beta @dat-town! ♥

Chapter warning: childhood emotional neglect, emotional manipulation, minor character death

Past

Yukhei’s first day at school

“Everyone, please welcome our new transfer student, Wong Yukhei. From now on, he’ll be your classmate. Please, be patient with him as he’s recently started learning Korean.”

The homeroom teacher announced with a tender smile, her hands resting on the little boy’s shoulders. Yena tilted her head out of curiosity and tried to look over the other students who were seated in front of her. She hated how small and tiny she was, almost the shortest in their class. She hoped she would grow up well and grow really tall.

“Nice to meet you, everyone.” The little boy waved in every direction and then bowed politely. Nervousness was evident on his face, his smile was still a bit forced and unnatural.

“Nice to meet you, Yukhei.” The students said in unison, their childish voices filling the silence of the classroom. Upon hearing their response, Yukhei got even more embarrassed and his face turned scarlet red in a matter of seconds.

After fidgeting awkwardly for a few more seconds, the boy was shown his desk by the homeroom teacher who then went back to the board and started their class. Yena was taken aback by the fact that the transfer pupil was now sitting beside her, their desks only a few inches apart. She coyly looked in Yukhei’s direction, trying to remember his features when the other caught her staring at him. She gulped and nervously looked away. She didn’t know how to react. Even though it was exciting that they had a new classmate, she was never taught how to make friends and start a conversation. It was something that nor the school, nor her mother taught her.

The class soon finished and little Yena found herself looking at the transfer student. Again. Yukhei was already staring at her when she locked eyes with him, small wonder they both reddened to their ears when they caught each other red-handed.

Yena blinked nervously, trying to avert her eyes but his face was like a magnet. Besides, he was so peculiar to her. There was something unusual about his features and his skin-colour. Maybe he wasn’t fully Korean? She didn’t know, he just seemed a bit different than other kids she knew.

Then, Yukhei broke into a childish giggle and bowed respectfully in the girl’s direction. Her eyes widened in astonishment as she tried to process what she had just seen. Even though she was shocked that the transfer student was so polite from the start, she mirrored his action and bowed back.

“Can you speak English?” The little boy asked with a hopeful smile that grew wider the moment she nodded. She was tutored by a private teacher because her mother wanted her to be the most intelligent and sophisticated student in her class, thus she was forced to attend special classes even before she started elementary school. She was taught how to read, how to write and how to articulate well, plus she was taught basic English. At first, she found it all very exciting; finally she had people who praised her and encouraged her to do well, not merely reprimanded her or yelled at her when she made mistakes. However, as time went by and she started attending public school, she found it boring because she had already known most of the things the teachers were talking about.

Even though she didn’t think that her English skills would come in handy so soon, she couldn’t hide a tiny little smile when Yukhei asked the question. It was the first time she finally felt like her efforts paid off.

“Do you like Pokémon?” The little boy asked with eyes that resembled hidden treasures on a deserted island and the Sun – the brightest star on the sky – among the constantly dying stars. His smile was hidden under his curious, child-like gaze and his big doe eyes. Not until she nodded in agreement, did she finally see that smile of his in full swing.

“Do you want to see my sticker collection?” His hazel eyes lit up at her reaction, one that she found both endearing and adorable.

“Yes.”

Yukhei soon fished a folder out of his school bag and eagerly opened it to reveal a massive amount of stickers in all shapes and sizes. Yena didn’t need to look through all of them to know that every single major and minor character could be found in his collection which was absolutely breathtaking in her opinion. She had never seen so many stickers before.

“Do you have Clefable too?” She looked up at the boy, tilting her head in curiosity. Yukhei boasted a boyish grin and immediately pointed at one of the figures in his collection.

“Do you want to keep it?” He averted his huge eyes back to the girl who was blushing deeply at his question. She was never allowed to buy any of the stickers because her mother protested and said that buying anything like this was a waste of time, thus she was never able to trade stickers like her classmates did. Oh how she wished she could!

Yet, her mother wouldn’t have to know about this one, right?

“If you don’t mind…” She fluttered her eyelashes as she was trying to deal with the heat that was going through her body. She felt like she was on fire. Was she breaking the rules? Was it really that exciting to do something her mother wouldn’t approve of?

“No, I don’t. Here…” Yukhei carefully removed the little figure and placed it on her pencil case. Looking at her plain white pencil case being decorated with something so colourful and cute made her heart leap. Joy was rushing through her veins. “Clefable has a new home now.” He grinned at her, his chocolate-brown hair falling into his eyes.

“I love it.” Yena whispered, mesmerized by the sight in front of her.

“Me too.” The transfer student added beamingly and when they locked eyes, something magical happened.

An innocent, pure and simple friendship was born amidst the excitements of new school days, colourful stickers and bright smiles that were so familiar yet so mesmerizing at the same time.

The day Lucas’ home became her own

“Breathe in… and breathe out… breathe in… breathe out.” Yukhei’s mother instructed as the girl was sitting in front of her, her eyes closed and her heart shattered to pieces. The boy was sitting beside her on the couch, his hands resting on top of hers, his eyes full of unanswered questions and sparkling fireworks that were bound to explode anytime soon.

Yena was young and innocent enough not to understand that she had just walked in on her mother making love with another man but the incident was as shocking as it could be for someone her age. On top of that, her mother did the exact same thing she always did when she felt like her daughter was the one to blame for something; she started yelling at her. As a result, the little girl slammed the bedroom’s door and ran down the stairs, out of the house and down the streets until she arrived at Yukhei’s house.

She didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t even know what she was supposed to do under the circumstances. She may have acquired outstanding education and possessed a certain level of knowledge in all fields but she was never shown a good example. She only got to know affection, care and love because she met Yukhei. The boy gave her a sense of warmth she had never felt before. He was her safe haven; the church in which she found peace and serenity when she wanted to run away from who she was. He was a sheltering tree under which she felt like a lost girl who finally found her place in the world. Though one who doesn’t know what love is may not know whom she should trust, she trusted Yukhei. She was cautious around others, always seeking their approval or disapproval, always waiting to be reprimanded and always striving to be better, constantly wanting to do better. On the other hand, beside Yukhei, she was herself. The most honest, sassy and raw version of herself. The most silly, girlish and beaming version of herself. And Yukhei… oh boy, he was also being himself.

Being the dork he was, he never failed to make her smile with his multilingual remarks, undying love for stickers and newfound passion for everything that was sports. Whenever she could, she sat on the school field watching him play football, volleyball or whatever he was trying out. He was constantly searching for something that he could call his. He tried everything and if something didn’t live up to his expectations, he didn’t get discouraged, let alone give up on searching for his place in the world. He was as unpredictable as a sudden downpour in the middle of a hot summer night. Yena never knew what she should expect from the boy but she sure knew that he would either make her laugh, smile or giggle because of second-hand embarrassment. There were times when he complimented her and she blushed so hard that she was sure a brand new shade of red tinted her cheeks; there were times when he promised that he would marry her and be the best husband in the world, his firm statement turning her into an emotional mess. He was her best friend and she was sure she doesn’t need to take him seriously but she couldn’t help her face from flushing when he said those lovely words.

Whatever might have happened to her – let it be disappointing her mother with her academic achievement, a sudden jolt of fear concerning her future or the early stages of puberty leaving its mark on her mood –, he was there like the star that’s always accompanying you to your midnight star-gazing. This time was no difference.

As soon as Yukhei opened the door with that smile that could make the early rays of sunshine during sunrise jealous, he knew something was off. Yena was short of breath, her hands were shaking and her hair was a mess from running non-stop. Yukhei’s young heart clenched at the sight of the usually composed girl and he found himself reaching out for her hands the moment he invited her into the house and started inquiring what had happened.

Then, as she was about to answer, the boy’s mother arrived to welcome the guest and stayed to calm her down because apparently, she needed her. Yukhei’s mom was a therapist, in fact a licensed marriage and family therapist, and she was working at a special care centre based in Busan for Thai families. Small wonder she kept an eye on Yena in case she needed her support. Though she had to admit that her son was being the perfect support for the girl with his laid-back and positive attitude that made her feel at ease. She had witnessed cases like Yena’s and not all of them ended well. She tried her best to talk to Yena’s mother but she was as ignorant as one could possibly be – not admitting her mistakes, not making effort to change her behaviour and not finding a flaw in her upbringing of the child. Plus, she looked down on her because her Korean wasn’t the best the first time they met even though she was improving day by day.

It’s true that it wasn’t a therapist job’s to take care of everyone’s physical and mental health out of her office but Yena was an exception. Not only because she was her son’s best friend and she owned her a lot for helping him out since the first day of school but also because she was such a pure and amicable soul. One that was extremely rare to find, especially after what Yena had been through since her father left them and she was stuck with one emotionally unavailable parent. She may have been given everything she needed materially but her mother was never assisting her through the storms and falls of her life. Upon observing Yena and the relationship between them through open days at schools, parent-teacher conferences or when they accidentally bumped into each other, she assumed it was a case of CEN – Childhood Emotional Neglect.

However, it was even more difficult this time to be the mother Yena never had. Talking about intimate relationship and sexual desires was something that was either Yena’s mother or the school’s nurse job. Of course, she was capable of talking about it in a way that wouldn’t upset her and threw her off the edge but it wasn’t easy. Yukhei was a curious and ever so eager kid, so they had already discussed the basic facts he needed to know about intercourses because it was better to hear it from a parent than from the movie he had accidentally started watching. Needless to say, she almost had a heart attack when she caught him switching to a porn channel one day.

The frightened and utterly confused little girl’s mumbling was enough for Yukhei’s mom to get the basic idea of what she had witnessed, so after some breathing exercises, the woman started talking to her calmly and slowly, making sure that she was ready to hear what she was about to hear. As with Yukhei, she dealt with the topic professionally and made it easy to comprehend by kids.

As minutes passed, Yena ‒ who was known to be an intellectual ‒ shyly started asking questions, obviously able to grasp the topic better after getting the answers for her question. It may have been fifteen minutes or an hour, none of them knew, but she finally seemed to feel at ease again. Her chest didn’t rise as frantically as it did when she appeared on their porch and her hands stopped shaking somewhere along the way.

A comfortable silence covered them like a soft cotton blanket as she ran out of questions and neither Yukhei, nor his mother knew what to say next. Instead of adding anything more, the woman offered to bring a cup of water for her to which she happily agreed.

“Do you want to colour with me?” Yukhei broke the silence with his slightly high voice which was still the voice of a child. His big hazel eyes were glowing like the flowers that could only be seen at night, his dark orbs completing his whites like the yin to the yang; seemingly opposite yet interconnected as you dig deeper. Despite the fact that he could be a moodmaker, he didn’t hesitate to put his jokes aside if he took notice of something bothering the one he was talking to. In this case, it was Yena whom he wanted to comfort.

However, the girl was taken aback by his abrupt question. It had been quite a long time since they last coloured together. Not that she considered it a childish activity, more like because they found other activities with which they could pass the time.

“Colour with you?” She raised an eyebrow in question, her eyes squinted in curiosity. She knew that expression on Yukhei’s face that signalled that he was being serious yet she never knew what to expect from him. He was like a character of an anime; always showing a new side of him, always coming up with extraordinary ideas and always looking like he had the time of his life, no matter what he did.

“Yes.” The boy nodded without any hint of frivolity in his voice. “My mom got me a colouring book and I use it whenever I’m upset.” He confessed quietly, his lips quivering a bit at the sudden sincerity of his words. A tiny coy smile was hiding in the corner of his lips, not wanting to be seen yet being prominent enough to be noticeable. Yena rarely saw him like this.

“You’ve never showed it to me.” The girl remarked absent-mindedly, her gaze landing at their intertwined hands. She didn’t know when but she felt her fingers being captivated by the already longer yet delicate fingers of her best friend. His touch soothed her nerves like an organic cream that you put on a searing scar when you hurt yourself while wandering through the forest. The heat of his body warmed not only her body but her soul as well.

Yukhei was always like a wild horse that couldn’t be kept inside its stable. He yearned for the world, he was burning like a fire, igniting from nothing and avoiding becoming one with ashes and complete numbness at all costs. He wanted to set the world on fire, making sure that everyone felt alive around him; hearts that were tired of the weary and monotonous workload, souls that left their bodies after not being properly taken care of and minds that were too preoccupied with the future tangled by fears and doubts. His heart was so full of love that he wanted to mend everyone’s broken heart by giving away a piece of him.

“It’s because I’m never upset around you.” Yukhei turned to face her, his eyes searching for the doubt or uneasiness in her onyx-black orbs. Yet, none of this happened because she was slightly dumbstruck by the seriousness of his words, so he took this opportunity to explain further. “Mom says it’s a good stress reliever.”

Words could be swords against people we love and against people we dislike. Words could be serenades being chanted in the middle of the night, only being interrupted by the first ray of sunshine creeping onto the horizon. Words could be scars that we can’t get rid of and whenever we look at the marks on our skin, we are being reminded of what we had done. Last but not least, words could be a form of medicine that heals the scars that others had left. In Yena’s case, her best friend’s words were more than medicine; Yukhei not only gave her hope that her situation would get better but he proved again that he would be there for her no matter what ordeal comes their way.

“Then, let’s colour together!” She said gently, her voice barely a whisper. The boy looked relieved after seeing the newly born stars in her onyx-black eyes and gave her a reassuring squeeze before they went to his room hand in hand, their hearts closer than ever before.

Friendship blooms in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times and such magic can only happen to those who aren’t afraid to be themselves and give their all to the most intense and ground-breaking power in the world; that is love itself.

The day the flowers bloomed and so did their love

Summer cheekily asked spring out to a dance and they never looked back since, leaving the cold, bone-cracking days of winter behind and invading warmth and life into the awakening nature.

Years passed by like the autumn leaves falling from the almost bare tree; languidly yet swiftly. Years didn’t ask for their permission, nor did they wait for them to realize how many years they had spent together because time wasn’t one to deal with foolish human’s wishes. During this time that felt annoyingly long and heart-wrenchingly short at the same time, Yukhei and Yena both grew – both physically and mentally – and neither of them could see how much they had actually changed.

Yukhei was now taller than her, towering over her whenever they were walking side by side. The boy couldn’t get enough of teasing her with their height difference; whenever he had the chance, he stole one of her books and held it above his head, cheekily grinning down at her who was fuming like a volcano. Not to mention the boy’s overflowing confidence and changing teenage body that was more and more packed with muscles and strength that seemed inhuman to her. He was working out quite frequently and even joined the school’s football team, earning a few admirers who drooled over his manly physique. Even though they were already sixteen years old, Yena found the behaviour of Yukhei’s newfound fans quite infantile.

Truth to be told, she was very well aware of her best friend’s fit body. Oh boy, how couldn’t she when all Yukhei did was flexing his muscles in front of her or sleeping shirtless when she was at his place? He knew… oh he knew well that Yena didn’t fancy his behaviour yet he wouldn’t change a thing. Deep down, he knew that it was all just her trying to mess with him when she didn’t find anything else to point out on him. Plus, he enjoyed seeing her flushed face too much whenever he got rid of his shirt in front of her without warning. Why would he tell her what he was about to do? It was more fun if she didn’t know about it.

Regardless of everything that changed him appearance-wise, he was still the same witty and odd kid whom she met years ago. As Yukhei became more and more easy-going and found his place at his new school, his Korean also improved dramatically, thus it was a lot easier for him to be his most genuine and authentic self. He didn’t act like he was someone else, never for a second did he pretend to be anyone else but Yukhei to please others. Even if people threw disgusted or outright horrified glances at him, he didn’t intend to stop joking around, speaking in his own multinational language or letting others hear that high-pitched laugh of his that didn’t match his deep ass voice.

Out of all the things she loved about him, his sincerity was the one she loved the most. When her life seemed like a fake tv show with all that drama and gossips about her mother, her constantly changing boyfriends and Yena’s grandparents, Yukhei was not a copy, neither a replica, he was simply being Wong Yukhei with all his windshield laughs, toothy smiles, strong muscles and that big, big heart of his. That was more than enough for her. He was like a breeze of fresh air after a sandstorm; nothing could be compared to the way she felt around him. She felt safe and sound, it was as if his presence put her in a bundle of blankets with a cup of warm tea and singing lullabies to her to make her fall asleep (which happened a couple of times when rainy or stormy nights came). She felt like everything would be alright when she was beside him. He was the home she never had and the home she never knew she had from the moment he showed her his Pokémon sticker collection. He was also the one who taught her that:

“To be yourself is to be courageous. To love someone is to be bold.”

Yet, as soon as roses bloom, thorns come too. Life is like a card game; you have to deal with what you get, you can’t decide which cards you want, you can only decide how much you bet on your win. They both had hardships that they didn’t see coming and ones that put their friendship to the test.

As for Yukhei, with his passion for football and working out, there came the haters and clingy admirers who wanted to flirt with him. Nothing too crazy as they were only sixteen years old but the amount of (sometimes unwanted) attention he got only for his appearance drove him crazy.

“It’s weird how many people start talking to you after you join the football team and start working out. I’m glad you are still here with me. At least I know you love me for who I am, not for how I look.” Yukhei pondered once while they were having lunch together, a piece of rice cake stuck between his chopsticks as he came to a halt while eating.

A sudden rush of warmth spread through Yena’s body as she was listening to his words. The boy may have been an actual jokester who couldn’t shut up for a minute but he had a serious (and surprisingly mature) side to him. It was because he didn’t show this side of him a lot, only when they were having a heart-to-heart talk at the break of dawn when neither of them could sleep, let it be a sleepover at Yukhei’s, a school trip or one of those nights when nothing seemed to put them to sleep.

Hearing him say those words out loud in the cafeteria without any antecedents meant more to her than she would have admitted. Yena was truly thankful though she tried not to show it. Yukhei would think too highly of himself if she did.

“I’ve never said I love you. I just put up with you.” She remarked teasingly, her rosy-coloured lips raising into a child-like smile. It wasn’t uncommon that she acted like a brat when she was around her best friend because he was the only one who accepted her the way she was. Yena would never dare to act this way with any of their classmates, teachers, let alone her mother. She was humble, down-to-earth and quiet when she was around others, she only showed her real self to those who were closest to her. In her case, that person was Yukhei only.

“Very funny.” The guy rolled his eyes like he was hurt but there was a hint of playfulness in his voice. He cooed closer to her, his hazel eyes widening as he was eyeing her, his gaze never leaving hers. She was used to the close proximity, so she didn’t even think of backing away.

Then, Yukhei continued, still not tearing his gaze away.

“I know that deep down, somewhere under that nerdy and unimpressed exterior, you actually love me a lot and even dream about me sometimes.” He wiggled his eyebrows, showing off that oh so boyish and smug grin of his, one that could drive her crazy. Not only because it somehow made him more attractive but also because she couldn’t stop herself from smiling like an idiot when he acted like that.

“You wish.” Yena clicked her tongue as she gently pushed the guy back, so that she could continue eating without her best friend nosing into her food.

On the other hand, Yukhei didn’t turn back to his food, instead he kept looking at her. She almost asked why was he acting so strange when the boy confessed something that he had never shared with her before.

“I do dream about you sometimes.” The words rolled off his tongue like honey; they were smooth and sweet.

To say that she was absolutely dumbfounded would have been an understatement. Despite the fact that she was already used to the duality of the almighty Wong Yukhei, she never thought that she would hear something like this from him.

“What? Really?” She tilted her head in confusion, her eyebrows furrowed in slight shock. Yukhei wasn’t one to open up so abruptly. Even though he could constantly surprise her by sharing something vulnerable with her; something so dull and juvenile to the average eye and maybe even to her at first sight yet it turned out to be another reason why she loved him - despite all those protests -, he was still hard to decipher. His actions, his words, his moves. He was a jewellery box with so many drawers, so that even if she had the key to all of them, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to open them all even if it costed her a lifetime. “And what do I do in your dreams?” She raised an eyebrow as her thoughts were running wildly in her head, her mind wandering off to mysterious forests with maze-like routes and moonlight-filled nights.

Yukhei was reluctant at first, not sure if the words that were on the top of his tongue would do more harm than good. His big doe eyes were scanning her face, examining every bit of her delicate features, afraid that he would might say something – anything – that could ruin everything between them. He didn’t want their relationship to be destroyed by the reckless waves that would wash away the sand castle that they had built with their own hands. A relationship so genuine and so fragile built from nothing can’t turn into ashes because of his foolish greediness. It’s human nature to want more, to strive for more yet he couldn’t risk what they already had between them.

Instead of saying what was on his mind, he went along with what felt right; joking and messing with her like he always did when he got scared by his own raw and bare feelings. Whenever he felt like running away like a coward, he stayed and played the fool instead.

“I won’t tell you.” He cleared his throat, trying to regain his usual bubbly self. “It’s a secret.” He winked at her playfully, earning a weak smack in his chest. No matter how hard Yena tried, Yukhei saw the slight twinkle in her onyx-black orbs, the one that he loved oh so dearly for shining so fondly and brightly especially when she was around him. He never saw it when she was with someone else, so it felt like it was his own reflection in her eyes.

Truth to be told, their friendship was as pure and innocent as one can be when they first met. They started off with drawing and playing together, teaching each other words in their own native language and spending every lunch break together. After a while, it evolved into something fragile, something more vulnerable. Childhood best friends may not stay together forever but they do share a special bond that no other kind of best friends do. When you literally see each other growing up, it really feels like you are closer than family. Concerning Yukhei and Yena, they sure went through that phase of their friendship when they acted like brothers and sisters. For instance, when they went out to have some ice cream at the shop on the corner of the boy’s neighbourhood, the cashier complimented Yukhei for taking care of “his adorable little sister” so well. At first, the said girl wanted to protest and tell that old folk the truth but in the end Yukhei always managed to speak up first and boasted about his good manners instead.

As they grew older, they had been through some changes in every way. Yukhei started growing so tall that she lost count of the centimetres between them, looking nostalgically at the wall in the boy’s bedroom where they used to track their heights year after year. His shoulders were wider, his facial features more defined and mature, his hair longer and messier than ever, though it all made him look oh so handsome. Handsome like a young boy who was on the verge of adulthood while still acting like a little kid sometimes. The way his hazel eyes widened whenever he saw something for the first time or the way he could laugh so freely whenever he heard something immature and inappropriate, not to mention his half-teasing, half-serious remarks about Yena’s changing body; you could tell that he wasn’t one who took responsibility for his actions, nor did he carry the weight of growing up on his shoulders. He was still free like a bird, flying high and trying whatever he could with his wings that took him to place he had never seen before.

Then came a breaking point; it was like a wake-up call for him. Yena already knew that her best friend took her presence for granted even after he had started making new friends who couldn’t get along well with her – to be precise, wouldn’t make an effort to get along well with her – and she was alone. Being beside someone who made you feel lonely was worse than being alone, and she had her fair share of that horrendous feeling.

Despite everything, she was there for him when he received the news of her grandmother’s passing. He was practically in love with her grandmother and it didn’t seem to change no matter how old he got. Although Yena had never met the boy’s grandmother because she was living in Hong Kong, she knew how much he loved his precious relative from the way his eyes sparkled whenever he got a call from her granny or the way his voice was a pitch higher when he was talking about visiting her. When summer came, the Wongs usually went back to his hometown for a week or so, spending their time with their precious family members whom he loved very much despite the distance and language barrier.

Small wonder it was so sorrowful to see him falling apart because of the sudden news. Yukhei might have lived in a more realistic world than a small child’s but his world was still full of hope and optimism, there wasn’t room for remorse and pain. His life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows but until this particular case, he took everyone around him for granted. He slipped into his life as if it was the best and didn’t want to wake up from his beautiful daydream. Yena couldn’t blame him, at least he was able to hope and believe in the small yet beautiful things in the world. On the other hand, aside from Yukhei, her world was all grey and dark.

They were in the library, studying together for their History test, when the boy’s phone beeped. He muted the device because they weren’t allowed to use their phone while they were in the library and he was obedient – only because Yena told her to do so – because he didn’t want to get into trouble. When he saw that the call was from his father, he excused himself and walked out of the library.

Yena didn’t pay much attention to him as Yukhei’s father sometimes asked him to go and grab a few things at the local supermarket before he headed home, so there wasn’t anything odd about his call. However, when her own phone’s screen lit up with a message from Yukhei, saying that he wants to talk to her outside the library, she knew something was up. She immediately rose to her feet and with a bob of her head in the librarian’s direction, she exited the room.

As soon as she was out, her eyes were searching for the familiar fondness of the puppy-like hazel eyes but instead she came in sight with something hurt, something broken. When their eyes met, Yena couldn’t help but gulp. She had never seen her best friend like this before. His features were displaying utter shock and devastation. It was as if he was caught up in a thunderstorm without anything to keep him safe. He had nowhere to run, he was completely trapped.

“Yukhei! What’s wrong?” Yena stumbled to her feet as she made her way to the boy who was leaning against a wall, his eyes staring far ahead after he couldn’t bear the eye contact anymore. He still held his phone in his hands like he was frozen for a few minutes. Like he was trapped in the past. The hourglass was broken and all the sand was flowing between his delicate fingers and he had no other choice than to watch it absent-mindedly, not having any power to stop the inevitable.

Instead of answering her question, he looked at the black screen of his phone in disbelief.

“Yukhei…” She whispered gently, her voice full of doubts and unanswered questions. She didn’t know what happened and she wouldn’t want to think about the possible outcomes. Yet, the way the boy’s hands were shaking like he was possessed by some unknown force was rather worrisome. His messy, sand-like hair was falling into his tearful eyes and he didn’t budge to push it back. When the first pearl-like tear slid down his cheek, Yena’s heart skipped a beat. Apart from some bruises he got when he was younger and being his overly energetic and careless self, she had never seen Yukhei cry or even tear up. The sight was eating her up alive.

She had no idea what to do. She wanted to hug him and tell him that it would be alright but judged by the expression on his face, she might not have been right. He was apparently unable to move and the more tears resurfaced, the more frightened she got. As she reached out to wipe one tear away, Yukhei literally collapsed into her arms, his growing body holding onto her waist like she was the last loose strain that kept him alive. Even though she was smaller than him, she held him with such power she didn’t know she possessed. She was the tree protecting him from the storm, the rain and the sunlight, sheltering him from the reality. Keeping him in a glass bead that was said to be unbreakable yet cracks could be seen on its surface. Despite the internal turmoil that she herself was going through, she tried her best to catch him while he was falling. Falling, falling into the pit of darkness and numbness.

Both of them knew that nothing lasts forever. Both of them knew that people come and go. Both of them knew that humans aren’t immortal. Yet, neither of them was prepared for losing someone so precious and dear to their heart. They were young and naïve. The only way they could deal with the pain was hugging each other; tightly and frantically like a malnourished man who gets his hand on the first piece of bread after weeks of starving. They were both sobbing quietly, the seconds passing by like shooting stars. Yena drew invisible hearts on his back in an attempt to distract herself and Yukhei too.

It was the first time they realised that what others had said was true; you grow through pain and loss, thus only while losing can one gain something else.

Yena was there with him the night after, the week after and the month after. She supported him as much as she could and listened to his heart-wrenching thoughts, even if it meant that she had to pull an all-nighter. She listened to the cacophony of his ragged breathing and the symphony of his quiet sobs. She listened to the heavy beating of his heart, one that resembled ancient pendulums clocks that were about to stop swinging. She let him hold onto her as a crying baby holds onto his mother and let him cry all over her shirts.

The first month was the most difficult one yet his pain became less and less unbearable as time went by. He learned how to breathe again after his grandmother’s funeral and it became easier day by day. His heart that couldn’t be pacified found solace and tranquillity once he remembered that his grandmother was like an angel sent from Heaven and now she could finally go home. The air wasn’t as suffocating as before and after he came back from Hong Kong where the funeral took place, he seemed a bit more at ease. He wasn’t alright, not yet. He was forever scarred from a loss that he had never thought he would have to bear.

While Yukhei was away to attend his grandmother’s funeral in Hong Kong, Yena had to come to terms with the fact that she hadn’t seen her own grandparents for half a year. They lived in Busan like she did but they were never close to begin with. Yena’s mother made sure that she wouldn’t keep in touch with them and they encountered only during Christmas or Chuseok. Nothing too intimate, nothing too personal. A mere dinner at a fancy restaurant that usually ended in a heated quarrel over how Choi Jieun shouldn’t treat her daughter the way she did and that’s exactly why she didn’t want her to see her grandparents. They actually wanted to help her because they knew their daughter was bossy, strict and inconsistent because she never listened to them. That way, Jieun’s parents were practically cut off and Yena could never even receive a letter or a present from them because her mother would totally lose it and throw a tantrum. On top of that, due to the fact that she didn’t even know who her father was, the grandparents on her father’s part were almost dead to her.

She never had a real family but she knew family wasn’t necessarily blood-related, thus she could confidently say that Yukhei was her family. One she never had and one she would never imagine that she would have. One she never thought that she would lose one day.

Yet, as time went by, the Chinese-Thai boy eventually returned back to his usual self and even though life taught him a tough lesson, his boyish grin couldn’t be replaced with a soulless frown or a forced smile. His hazel eyes got back their usual sparkle that challenged the brightest stars on the pitch-black skies and his heart became full of affection once again.

So when the flowers bloomed, so did they love. Yukhei wasn’t stupid, he knew that the loss of his grandmother only brought them closer, yet he didn’t want to risk anything. The fact that he was more vulnerable than ever and had a scar that didn’t heal properly made him ponder. If the death of his grandmother caused such soul-crashing pain, what would he do if he lost Yena too? She was like his second family; the brightest sun on his grey sky, the bittersweet coffee he needed in the morning, the smell of spring lilacs, the touch of little puppies after being bathed, the sight of the sunrise after a storm, the last piece of his puzzle and the other half of his impatiently beating heart.

He didn’t want to think about the possible consequences of losing her, so he stayed quiet and his love for her remained a secret kept at the bottom of his heart, hidden and safe until the time would come when he feels ready to let her in. He didn’t know if she felt the same way but he was more than happy to love her even if it meant that she didn’t love him back.

Just loving her was enough for him.

The day the gap became wider

Growing up and maturing brought about a lot of changes.

There came junior and then senior year. All those responsibilities regarding overly anxious students under the pressure of demanding teachers and parents who expected them to do perfectly on every single test were now a part of their everyday life. The extracurricular activities filled their afternoons and usually stretched into night as well. Those who sought after the best possible results pushed themselves to the best of their abilities and sometimes even further. They never stopped, they never took a break and they never realized that something was clearly wrong about how they handled the pressure.

The competitiveness and the monotonousness of their days seemed to go on forever. It was like a foggy winter afternoon that prevented them from seeing anything around them. They didn’t know how to escape from the vicious cycle because they weren’t supposed to stop. Everyone told them to bear the unbearable and break the unbreakable; they should have gritted their teeth and never think about stopping for a second. Their job was to study and studying always came first.

Of course, not everyone had the same problems and not everyone was affected by the inhumane system as much as Yena was. Her mother was one hell of a woman during those years and no matter how many times Yukhei told Yena to confront her mother and tell her that she didn’t want to be a lawyer, she would have rather opted for creative writing, Yena got upset. Even though the girl told him over and over again that her mother wouldn’t support her and thinks that writing is only for the most talented and most outstanding ones, he wanted Yena to give in and finally let go of the dream of her mother. He hated nothing more than to see her work and sacrifice so much only for her mother. It would have been fine if she did it for her own pleasure, to make her own dreams come true. Nonetheless, when it came to his best friend, she was still playing in Choi Jieun’s marionette-play while the boy knew that it was time to put an end to that stupid play of hers.

On the other hand, Yukhei knew he had it easy. A friend of his father recommended him for a radio programme one summer and despite the fact that he was inexperienced in radio shows, he was accepted after being auditioned. After that, he was taught by his mentors and fellow hosts, yet it never seemed like work because he truly enjoyed it. As opposed to being only a young, inexperienced boy, everyone praised his natural talent for finding the right balance between joking around and digging deep into a topic. Plus, he only had to work during the weekends, so he had other ways to pass the time outside the radio station including hanging out with his new friends and going to football practice. His programme was specifically for the weekends, something between music and movie recommendations and talk shows with special guests on various yet appealing topics to the public, especially to young people.

Initially, he had no intention of being on any radio programme but after working there for the summer, he decided to stay and soon he found himself a new dream. He wished to work at Arirang Radio in Seoul that aimed to connect international fans with their favourite Korean artists – actors, actresses, authors, producers and idols. He had already sent out his demo tapes to multiple radio stations in Seoul – including Arirang’s –, hoping that he would get accepted. If not, he could still stay in Busan and continue working at his current workplace. A degree wasn’t needed to fulfil his dream according to his co-workers, so he rather spent his time enjoying the opportunities he decided to take and working on his skills as much as he could.

However, Yena wasn’t that lucky. Yukhei felt sorry seeing her study so much – too much – and seeing how hard she worked only to be reprimanded by her mother for every little thing she didn’t do – or didn’t do as properly as Choi Jieun wanted – besides studying such as cleaning her room, taking out the rubbish and doing grocery shopping. She usually assisted her mother while she was running errands but it became too much for her while her days were full of extracurricular activities and English classes.

Jieun filled in an application form in her daughter’s name to apply for a scholarship at Yale because she wanted her to continue studying abroad. That’s why Yena was left with all that unnecessary paperwork and even more classes; she didn’t want to let her mother down. Plus, who wouldn’t be intrigued by the possibility of studying at Yale? Yena was as humble as ever and insisted that she would be more than happy to be accepted at one of the SKY universities but Choi Jieun wasn’t one to take others’ opinion into consideration.

Small wonder everything was crumbling down and by the time Yukhei and Yena finally poured their hearts out to each other, the house of cards had already fallen apart.

It was their senior year. The sun was setting on the horizon, the colourfully blooming trees were bathing in the tangerine light and birds were chirping on the branches, letting everyone know that spring was just around the corner. Yukhei and Yena were walking beside each other, both exhausted after the tremendous workload earlier that day, thus silence was no other than a reassuring companion on the road heading home.

Yukhei’s home was first, so when they arrived at the Wong’s house, both of them thought that his goodbye would put an end to their shared path. Nevertheless, as soon as the boy came to a halt and turned to her to bid his farewell, Yena looked up at him with her obsidian-black eyes pleading for their hourglass to stop for a moment.

“Yukhei, we need to talk.” She announced with a heavy sigh, the bags under her eyes ‒ indicating the hours she spent on studying instead of sleeping ‒ turning into a terrifying raven-black shade under the dim light of the setting sun.

Even though he wanted nothing more than to say how he felt about the fact that they spent yet another 30-minutes saying completely nothing to each other, he knew that it wasn’t the best time to start arguing with her. They were both worn out, probably too vulnerable for such a meaningful conversation.

“Is it anything urgent?” He shrugged his shoulders casually, pointing at the watch on his wrist. “ ‘Cause I’ve promised the guys that I would watch their performance.” He explained nonchalantly because he already knew what Yena was thinking of the guys. She didn’t fancy seeing them around because she didn’t know how to shrug off their brotherly teasing and mocking. Yukhei had to admit that they sometimes went too far but that didn’t mean that she needed to avoid them at all costs. Besides, when she wasn’t there with him, with whom he was supposed to hang out? Her abandoning her social life didn’t mean that he had to do the same.

“Well, maybe I’m the only one who feels this way but I feel like something went wrong between us.”

Yena’s eyes were shining apologetically, yet her words were painful like a bullet. They hit his heart hard and despite the enormous pain that came after, he didn’t want to acknowledge that the harm was already done. It may have already hit him but the worst was yet to come.

“What do you mean?” He raised an eyebrow in question, playing dumb as he always did when he wanted to avoid a certain unpleasant, let alone serious situation.

It could be seen that the girl was struggling to phrase how she felt. Yukhei once read some of her stories and knew that she had a unique way with words, she used such vague vocabulary and diverse expressions, he wasn’t even sure that he knew half as much words as she did.

Yet, right now when she needed words the most, she encountered an utter lack of them. Fate was a pitiful creature.

“I don’t feel that special bond anymore.” She spoke up after long, anxiety-filled seconds and let her words fill the tension between them before she reasoned further. “We used to be so close, sharing practically everything with each other and now I don’t even know if I can count on you because you are too busy with everything else.” Her voice trailed off at the end, her eyes wandering far ahead.

She didn’t want to meet his gaze, that oh so familiar, oh so precious yet oh so painful gaze of him. Every single time she looked at her so-called best friend, her heart churned with worry. What if he would fade away like a shadow? What if he would also leave her because she didn’t deserve to be loved and then her mother could boast that she was right? What if he would find happiness without her and sadness only when he’s with her?

Something went downhill the moment she became more reserved and less confident while he was never more content and outgoing. Yukhei made new friends who made fun of her perfect grades, perfect clothes and perfect answers when in fact nothing was perfect about her, except the exterior. The interior was collapsing like shelves in the fire of the Library of Alexandria. Her insides were eaten by the flames, leaving nothing but ashes behind. Nothing vulnerable was left, nothing lovable and nothing precious, only ashes. Yukhei was right there, he witnessed all of it yet he never once asked what was wrong. He wasn’t there to catch her fall yet she was already falling. The worst part was… he also knew well that he wasn’t there when she really needed him.

“Hey!” The boy raised his hands in defeat, clearly hurt by the tone of the girl and the weight her words carried. He was perfectly aware of the fact that he was sometimes the one to blame but not all the time. “I’m not the one who turns down our sleepovers because of studying.”

“I can’t do anything about the fact that I have extracurricular activities until 8pm and evening is the only time I can actually start studying.”

“Well, if it weren’t for your mother, you wouldn’t have done half of it.” Yukhei blurted out carelessly, rage already building up in his body. The moment the first angry thought popped into his mind, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from attacking her so cruelly.

Nonetheless, Yena merely gulped and lifted her chin up. There was a peculiar sense of determination in her. She may have been the ice princess hiding behind closed doors most of the time but she wasn’t one to back away that day. She was ready to fight.

“You know it’s not easy for me either. I have my own dreams and I want to live my own life but I can’t because my mother is the only one I have. I can’t make money because I don’t have time for that and without money I wouldn’t be able to pay for my tuition fees. Yet, if I accept that I’ll study Law, my mother would pay for it.” She reasoned calmly, acting like an already experienced businesswoman. It was the same when they were debating in class; she never raised her voice but the aura around her was different. Everyone knew that she would say something worthy. Everyone was paying attention to her despite the fact that she was practically invisible any other time.

Yukhei had no intention of looking away when their eyes met. The fire in her eyes was dangerous, almost fatal. He didn’t know if it was cautionary because she was going to stay the exact same throughout their conversation or because she would eventually burst. You never knew when it came to a dormant volcano. Considering what she piled up during their teenage years – both from her mother and her best friend –, she seemed pretty dangerous to him.

He let out an agitated sigh. He didn’t want to argue with her but there was no other way they could solve their problems.

“You know, you broke the rules here and there.” Yukhei reminded her gently, his deep, hoarse voice filling the silence between them. From the moment she met him, she changed for him. She was so radiant and joyful when she was a child and if she had listened to her mother’s warning, she would have never made friends with him. “Where’s that girl who stood up for me in front of her mother when she said that you can’t come over to my place?” He mused nostalgically, a sudden jolt of resignation going through him.

Yena merely gave him a tired, sad smile.

“I grew up, Yukhei. So should you.”

“Excuse me?” His voice rose to a pitch higher than usual. Her words bit into him like a wild animal. He didn’t see such an attack coming but he already felt the excruciating pain engulfing him, especially his heart. His heart that he kept only to himself for so long because he was afraid to be fragile, he was afraid to be weak yet one question of hers at the age of six was enough for him to let her in. Since then, he never let her out. Not even for a second.

“Can’t you see that I feel uncomfortable when I’m around you?” She flung her arms in the arm, frustration written all over her face. “I get it, you have new friends and I’m totally okay with that. Yet, that doesn’t mean that you should act differently when you are around me because you’ve spent too much time with them. I feel lonely when I’m with you.”

“So you think I’ve changed?” He bellowed furiously, taking a step closer to her as he talked to her. He didn’t want to look menacing but he wanted to see if he could still recognize the same old Yena in the obsidian-black abyss of her lifeless orbs. “Well, sorry to break it down to you but you’ve changed too. I can’t even tell you my silly jokes anymore because you either frown or roll your eyes. I can’t even come up with plans because you either have classes or study at home. I know that I also have football practice, work at the station and spend more time with the guys but we just can’t seem to make it work. When I see you, there’s something different about you. You are a different Yena. More reserved, quieter… It seems like you don’t live your life anymore. You just try to survive everything.” He confessed straightforwardly, the words dripping off his tongue like medicine. It felt so reassuring to get everything off his chest yet the outcome was still yet to be seen.

Yena gulped at his last words. Maybe she had felt the same, maybe she didn’t. She was excellent at concealing her emotions, maybe because she was told to do by her mother. However, after a minute or so of keeping an intense eye contact, she snapped. Her eyes suddenly became teary and he also caught sight of the trembling hands by her side. Maybe she didn’t want to keep everything to herself after all. Maybe she wanted to tell him everything.

So she did. Even though he was waiting for the truth, he wasn’t ready for repeated bleedings of his already broken heart.

“Yes, I’m stressed because I’m studying a lot and out of the two of us, I have to study because I will go on to study at a university. However, I’m more stressed because I’ve noticed the shift in our relationship and I’ve tried to save it. You know, I was there for you when your grandmother died or when you were told that you have to take extra classes or else you’ll fail Maths. I was there when you cried or when you doubted yourself. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong. Yet, apparently I did because it wasn’t enough that I’ve tried my best when I was with you, even if it wasn’t much time.”

“It was enough, believe me. I appreciate what you’ve done for me ever since the start and I know we both had our ups and downs and I’m thankful for you. I really am. I know how hard it’s been on you in the beginning yet you seemed to have everything under control in the past years. But what could I do when you didn’t let me in as you used to?” Yukhei shrieked and winced, something that Yena had never seen before. His voice was so desperate for answers, for what ifs and for the precious past memories, it almost made her wish she had never said anything in the first place. However, after a long time, at least she could be honest with somebody. Even if it meant that she hurt her best friend with her confession, she wasn’t ready to let it slide and see what the fire she had just spitted on him had left.

“Because you were just talking and talking about what you did with the guys or how your niece reacted to your present and I was there listening to you and the moment I wanted to open my mouth, the bell rang or you went to talk to the other guys. I genuinely care about you and your days but by listening to you all the time, I held everything in.” Yena huffed fervently, her cheeks tinted scarlet by the frustration that swept her off her feet. She didn’t care that she was being uncharacteristically honest or furious, it was time they showed their cards and decided on the result of their poker game. They were both so good at dealing with the cards of fate but they had to put an end to their suffering. For both of their sake.

Looking back at all the precious memories from the start until the end, Yukhei didn’t regret anything. He had changed but so did Yena. Even though it hurt his heart to see her in such a state because of him, at least he could see her standing up for herself. Even if it meant that she was against him. Karma was indeed a bitch.

“You know…” He started, something unpleasant settling in his stomach. Was it shame, guilt or worry? Was it because of what the girl had said or was it because he knew what was coming? “I’ve noticed that you were having a hard time.” He whispered wholeheartedly, hoping that his best friend wouldn’t doubt his words. Or were they friends anymore?

Yena didn’t doubt him. He held the same loving and fragile universe in his eyes that he did from the moment they met. Yukhei always loved the way her laugh sounded like little bells at Christmas or when her cheeks were pink full of blushful shyness. He adored the way her full lips turned into a mischievous smile when she was about to break a rule. He was so fond of the way her eyes sparkled whenever he gave her one of the polaroids he took of them, albums on top of albums hidden in his drawer that he never revealed to her. He kept so much to himself, hoping that he would be able to keep her with him forever and more. When he wanted to feel her presence but knew he couldn’t reach out to her, he took out an album and looked at their shared memories. The nostalgia tasted bittersweet in his mouth, it was like coffee without any sweetener.

Yena’s lips trembled as she asked the question that was the final stub in his heart. He knew the game was over.

“Then why didn’t you ask about it?”

Yukhei wished to deny everything but he couldn’t do it. Not to her. He knew that both of them were at fault because you need two people to create a bond and you also need two to break it. However, it didn’t mean that it hurt any less. In fact, it hurt like hell, knowing that both of them turned to a nasty war instead of a simple talk in the beginning of the end.

“Because it was easier not to talk about it.” He admitted shamefully, his heart leaping at the sight of Yena’s parted lips.

“Oh I see.” She nodded as if she wanted to understand and accept his decision, a forced smile already making its way onto her rosy-coloured lips. She was putting on a façade for him just as she did when she was with her mother and it tore him apart. What did he do to her?

The moment the first tear escaped Yena’s eyes, she wished she had never let anything slip away. Her friendship with Yukhei was the only thing that kept her together when she had a hard time and even though it was dying right in front of her eyes, she didn’t want to let go. Yet, all the sand in the hourglass landed and their time ran out. The more tears surfaces, the more she hated herself. She should have let Yukhei go sooner instead of holding him back. He deserved better, someone fuller of affection and attention. She couldn’t help how she felt but she didn’t want to pull him into that hole of darkness with her.

Hasty footsteps and ragged breaths were their own bittersweet farewell, untold confessions and proper goodbyes hiding behind its mask.

As the last ray of sunshine escaped the horizon, the light moved to their hearts and left an open scar that would forever remind them of the lost, loved and forgotten.

The day fate decided otherwise

After that day, they have tried time and time again to save their dying friendship but eventually they decided that it would be better if they went on separate ways. It hurt both of them to see the other laughing or smiling but there was a tiny part of them that was happy that the other was also happy. They couldn’t erase ten years full of precious memories, bittersweet moments, salty tears and contagious laughter. They couldn’t throw everything to the wind just because they drifted apart. No. Subtly, they always observed the other one to see if their smile was genuine or if they truly felt comfortable around others.

The words they spitted out on that particular spring day were painful like bullets. Yet, even though the pain was excruciating, the bullets weren’t fatal ones. Both Yena and Yukhei reflected on what they had been told and tried their best to learn from them. If you never make mistakes, you can never learn from them. If you do make mistakes, you can strive to be a better person and find your real self.

Yena was glad that Yukhei was doing well and got a job in Seoul right before they graduated. She had to admit that the boy was doing better without her because she realised she must have been a bad influence on him. Maybe even a toxic one. It was true that she didn’t go out with him, nor did she give in to his beloved ideas such as sleepovers and movie nights. She merely didn’t have time for him and her poor time management skills on top of her packed schedule slowly yet steadily suffocated their friendship. Yukhei must have felt trapped because of her when all he wanted to do was to break out of that cage that the prejudices and expectations towards the once new transfer student built around him. He was literally blooming in front of her and instead of making sure that he grows well, she held him back. She should have let him go so much sooner.

Yukhei blamed himself for not being honest about his feelings and not caring enough about Yena’s. He knew she was going through hell yet he had never asked how she felt or if he could do anything to assist her. He assumed that she was way better without his unnecessary prying and useless questions, so he talked about himself instead. What a fool he was! Having more guy friends killed that sensitive part of him that always nudged him to ask about the girl’s day and to make sure that her smile was genuine. As he was changing, he also lost a part of himself but not the worst one. Later on, he could see that the guys he used to hang out with during his last years of high school abandoned him when he actually moved to Seoul. They didn’t support him nor did they want to keep in touch with him. He couldn’t believe he was so blind to see that they were being with him only because of his popularity.

However, Yukhei’s parents fully supported their son and rented a flat for him in a reserved area of Seoul’s downtown as soon as they got the news of his successful application. The summer was a blur to him; he spent all his time exploring Seoul’s wonders and working as an intern at a small yet cozy radio station in Seoul. He was working on the entertainment segment, gathering information about events all over the city before he could move on to presenting them. He was a night-time radio host which meant that he worked from 10pm to midnight and despite the low expectations towards the number of listeners, his programme quickly exceeded the expectations. Of course, it was still nothing compared to the peak hours but it was better than most of the other radio station’s statistics at such an hour.

Not long after he settled down and started enjoying his life in Seoul, he got a call from Yena’s mother. The moment he saw the name on the screen, he immediately flinched. There were so many things he wished to say to that woman but none of them was actually appropriate and polite. At first, he assumed that Choi Jieun called the wrong person yet seeing that she didn’t hang up after half a minute, he decided to answer the call.

“Hello? It’s Wong Yukhei.” He picked up acting like he didn’t know the caller because he knew Choi Jieun might not remember that she had given him her number. Even though he never made use of the information, he hadn’t deleted her from his contacts either. He didn’t actually know why, maybe he longed to have something that still connected him to Yena.

“Hello Yukhei! It’s Choi Jieun, Yena’s mother.” The woman introduced herself in a business-like manner while Yukhei tried his best not to snort while she was speaking. He hated Jieun so much, it was as if she did something unforgivable to him. Though she never once attacked Yukhei face-to-face ‒ only behind his back ‒ but she made his best friend’s life miserable and that was something he couldn’t forgive.

“Nice to‒”

“Look, Yukhei.” The woman cut him off which threw the boy over the edge. How could she be so bossy right after they started talking? Not like he had any right to rebel against her but the impatient tone in her voice made him uncharacteristically grumpy. “I know you were on good terms with my daughter once, so I assume you wouldn’t have a problem if I asked you a favour. Unfortunately, there was an administrative error with her application to Yale, so she couldn’t be accepted but we only got to know about it a few weeks ago, thus she couldn’t start the spring semester in Seoul. Yet, after dealing with some paperwork, it seems that she can start her studies at the Seoul National University from the fall semester and I know that you’re still looking for a flatmate, so I’ve thought I would ask if you were willing to share your flat with her.”

Unbeknownst to Yukhei, his lips parted slightly upon hearing the news. Ever since they graduated in February, he hadn’t heard from Yena but it came as no surprise since he moved to Seoul pretty quickly. He was pretty sure that the girl was already in New Haven for her fabulous new life and excellent education, he would have never thought that she didn’t get in and had to stay in Seoul. Not to mention that Yena’s mother – the mighty Choi Jieun herself ‒ made a phone call to make sure that she still had a place to go. He knew that Yena’s grandparents lived somewhere close to the capital city but hearing the request, he was convinced that Jieun didn’t want to let her daughter spend more time with them. Yukhei may not have been their last hope but almost the last one. Her life didn’t seem so perfect after all.

“Well, I still don’t have a flatmate, so I‒”

“Perfect! Then I’ll drop her off at your place on Friday and we’ll sign the contract.” Jieun stated matter-of-factly, her remark taking Yukhei by surprise once again.

He couldn’t believe that the woman was trying to control the conversation, so that the boy wouldn’t be able to finish any of his sentences. He didn’t even know what to say because he was still in the state of utter shock after the realization hit him hard that he would be living together with Yena. It was something that they dreamed about when they were younger but nothing seemed more inappropriate under the circumstances.

“Don’t worry! I’ve seen your advertisement, so I know the address and money can’t be a problem either. Thank you for your help! See you on Friday!” With that, the woman hung up, leaving a dumbfounded Yukhei behind who merely gulped at her antics. He was sure that he wouldn’t be able to live a day beside a monster like Choi Jieun and he suddenly felt sorry for Yena.

It’s been a long time since he thought about her so fondly yet after the news of her unsuccessful application, his heart churned with worry. How did she feel about the fact that she had to stay in Seoul? Did she regret that she studied so much, only to be encountered with an administrative problem that costed her chance to study in the US? Did she know what her mother was doing or did Jieun call him without Yena knowing anything about her future flatmate?

Yukhei shook his head in an attempt to get rid of his questions. Questions that he knew he couldn’t answer because the only person who could wasn’t there with him. Yet, soon she would be living with him and despite everything that they had been through, he couldn’t help but feel a sparkle of hope. A hope for a more prosperous and balanced friendship between the two of them.

Despite everything, he couldn’t hate her. He couldn’t hate the way her lips raised into a shy smile or the way she blushed when she heard a compliment. He couldn’t hate the way her eyes lit up when she got an answer right and the way she sipped on her coffee, her heart feeling at ease after the newfound energy. He couldn’t hate the way her locks always seemed so soft and straight no matter if it was raining heavily or snowing fervently. He couldn’t hate the way his heart started racing every time he felt her presence in the room and the way blood rushed through his veins when he heard her voice.

Despite everything, she had still been his best friend for ten years. Despite everything, she was still his first love even though Yena never knew because he didn’t have the courage to confess.

Now… he didn’t know who she was to him. He dreaded founding it out yet he couldn’t wait for Friday to come.

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