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littlebitshylittlebitangry · 4 months

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Here I just copied and pasted it, enjoy

First of thanks for tagging me in that little fic between arcane egg and shadow milk, it made me so happy but also so very sad. For as much as I put my little cookie through I just want her to be happy. The more I look at the “it takes two au”, the more I realize that this arcane egg has the worst time. Like ever.

Warnings for: suicide ideation, suicidal thoughts, and attempted suicide, feel free to skip this post.

Which leads to this scenario, it takes place at arcane egg’s lowest point. I imagine that the force kept in her soul jam has been released, probably by dark enchantress, she probably exploited arcane eggs rapidly growing hopelessness to break it. And so releases the nightmares / hungry one’s that then take arcane egg as some sort of host / center point, since I don’t know if you noticed but their just full of suffering.

Anyways plot ensues and I imagine golden butter is able to enter what ever plane / abyss arcane is with the help of the other beasts ,since their obviously they care about arcane egg especially shadow milk cookie. So golden butter finds her and is like

“Cmon we gotta get you out of here“

And arcane egg is like “no”

“??? What do you mean no”

“I mean no, I’m not leaving. But I know that the hungry ones are a problem so you should just kill it.”

And golden butter is like, wouldn’t that kill you? And arcane egg replies yup that’s the plan… THE PLAN?!?

Golden butter is obviously not gonna do because why would she. And if arcane egg doesn’t only have major self hate issues, unresolved feelings for shadow milk cookie, but also unresolved feelings for golden butter than omg. Arcane egg wants to die, full stop at this point.

And so arcane egg just starts pleading, begging for her death to golden butter. Much to her horror I imagine. Like full on mental breakdown, it starts to show not only her depression but her slight insanity is the best way I can describe it. Arcane egg is in full hysterics just begging

“Please please, I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be awake. It’s to much!”

And will arcane egg ever explain why, no of course not. And that’s for two reasons, first as stated previously she’s the very definition of the meme “I’ll keep all my feelings here, and than one day I’ll die”, and secondly if they tells them her feelings they’ll surely hate her. And that’s so much worse than death, especially for someone who’s as soul crushingly devoted as arcane egg is to those they care about.

So at one point arcane egg just tries to get golden weapon so she can just do it herself, obviously golden resists and like it’s not a good time all around.

How would golden butter react, how would the others react, shadow milk? I don’t know honestly because this scenario is just so so depressing it’s actually ridiculous .

Anyways thanks for listening to this very disorganized rambling. Hope I don’t make you go sad, see ya!

ooooo

You have given me ideas, friend.

Warnings; Suicide idelation, thoughts of suicide and Attempted assited suicide, getting knocked out by magic.

Be warned

She knew the moment they step foot into her resisidence. She felt the moment they were searching for her. She hated it- Hated this.

The buzzing between her jam- her formeraly cripsy layer had cracks in it. It looked and honestly felt quite painful as she traced them over, she could tell just by looking down to her neck that it was likely she already had cracks on her face.

(She was on a timer- It wasn't something that someone had to tell you. Sometimes you just know. You know you're dying and that you can't be saved.)

(Arcane Egg was on a timer- perhaps she had always been on a timer.)

Gazing at their soul Jam they saw the former once bright color shift darker. The outer layers almost pure black as what looked like cracks slowly crept towards the center. Its then they bend their head to spot the neckless laying on them.

They reach their hand up to cup the neckless for a moment- and they stare as liquid drips from their face. She release the neckless was they reach their hand up to rub their eyes.

She doesn't even recognize her voice for a moment as she whispers, "Its better this way." It throws her off as she looks around, before she settles, realizing its her voice. Its raspy, horse and sounds dead.

Its a bitter thing, perhaps just like they feel.

They close their eyes with a shudder as they almost feel the group split up- one of them seemingly coming her direction. For a moment it comes to her.

(She's too cowardly to do it herself, to scared, too terrifyed of the consequences for herself, but what if?)

(Surely one of the others would be willing?)

(Surely they would do it- They understood the consequences if it doesn't- Even if the rest didn't- Then surely wouldn't Golden Butter be willing?)

So they stay. They stay in that spot as they sit there and they feel the moment someone steps within their range.

They know who it is the moment they speak.

"..Arcane Egg Cookie... why- are you okay?!" She feels Golden Butter rush over and turn her to face them. She sees the frantic look on the others face as she carefully looks over the newly formed cracks.

Golden butter slowly traces over what they can only assume to be a crack on their face. Slowly she speaks, "We gotta get you out of here." She tries to pull Arcane up, but stalls when the other just sits there. "...Arcane Egg?..."

She shakes her head, "No." She replies.

Golden Butter freezes, "..Arcane.. what do you mean by no?" Arcane shakes her head as Golden Butter grabs her shoulders, "Arcane what do you mean by no?"

Arcane egg shakes off Golden Butters hands, "I'm not leaving. The hungry ones are a problem that need to be gotten rid of, but I need help to do it." She looks Golden Butter right in the eye as a slow on coming horror falls into them.

Golden butter is shaking, and shes shaking badly.

"w-wouldn't that kill you?" She stutters over herself, "Wouldn't that demand your death at this point- Arcane there are other ways we can look into-" Arcane Egg raises a hand, "This is the plan. It has always been the plan." Her voice is resigned, as she drops her hand.

Golden Butter went still as Arcane Egg continued, "...I'm sorry... Golden Butter, I need you to kill me, I need this all to stop." Golden egg shakes her head as she reaches out a hand and grabs on Arcanes wirst, "I- Acrane- I- I can't, I refuse." She shakes her head frantically.

Arcane Egg stares at her as Golden Butter shakes and grips onto them. Arcane Egg looks down, "You have to Goldie.. There... There isn't another option, This is the only choice-"

"NO!" Golden Butter shouts.

Arcane Egg stares at golden Butter, looking slightly frazzles as a wild look begins to form in their eyes. "You have to goldie- no else will understand- you- you have to- there isn't another option you have to-" Golden Butter shakes her head, "I- I can't, I refuse."

Arcane eaches out and grabs onto Golden Butter who pauses in their shaking, "You- You have to Goldie- Please- please you have to- I can't- I can't take any of this anymore- PLeas being awake- living like this- I can't- I can't take it-" They feel something press onto the side of their neck.

They look at Golden butter desperatly, "please please, I don't want to be here anymore- I don't- I can't- please- I can't stand being awake- its ts too much-" Slowly their breathing slowers as they slur over their words as Golden butters magic takes hold.

The other kneels down, tears falling down her face, "I'm- I'm so sorry Arcane- I- I promise, I'll make it better, we'll make you better." A kiss presses to their forehead as they feel themselve slip away, "You- You deserve so much- far more then what the world has handed to you."

They slip into the unconiousness with a wheeping friend holding onto them with a wild desperation.

And slowly another cookie comes around the cornor. He swallows, "I'll carry her." Golden Butter swirls over to him, "Shado-" He shakes his head, "..Not... Not now....just.... lets just focus on Arcane."

Its moments as golden butter slowly releases her hold on Arcane that Shadow Milk cookie picks her up and the pair begin walking back.

ooh boy this one was a large one, Hope you like it!

Also note for you or anyone else who has ideas regarding cookie run kingdom. Check out my sideblog @revisitingfandoms. I do writing requests there.

#cookie run kingdom #cookie run #cookie run au #cookie run oc #two in fact #check out my last post to check out the amazing writiers for these two #I'll link it later #shadow milk cookie

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bythenineshards · 2 years

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I just saw a post that said that in acosf Nesta shouldn't be having a hard time going Downstairs cause well gravity shud be doing most of the work 😭😭😭😭😭🖐🏼

It immediately made me think of you and how u wud slander the shit out of it 😭

Also there was something about Nesta's alcoholism and how Nesta would have been stronger if she was actually shown fighting the temptation to have a drink and not a drink simply because she wasn't able to.

But idk I don't feel like Nesta's Alcoholism was that severe ? Anyways what are ur thoughts??

Hey! I hope you're doing splentastic! Sorry for the delay. Work decided I had to suffer.

First, let me start with a controversial opinion. Stairs are the devil. I will not be taking questions on this matter.

So I don't really see what they're saying as wrong in a realistic sorta way. It is easier to go down stairs than it is going up. At least, that's my experience. My Crossfit days can attest to that. However I will say I think the stairs are a botched metaphor for her "progress". Nesta sees the stairs as an impossible feat to get to the world outside. She frequently has issues getting down but it's rarely an issue getting back up. I could be wrong though, I haven't read Acosf since it was released and don't really plan on doing a reread. Honestly, I could be giving her too much credit for the metaphor. It's just as likely that she forgot going back upstairs would be more effort.

I do think Nesta's problems with alcohol should've been more pronounced. The lack of withdrawal leads me to see her time in the HoW as a punishment for not wanting to do things with Feyre and spending money she has earned. I don't care what the Stans say, she was maimed in service of the NC. She earned that money. Rhys should shut his trap about it too. I've seen Stans say that Nesta being wild makes them look bad as rulers but like... when has that been an issue? They acted like children at the HL meeting. They robbed another Court. Rhys was literally the right hand of a dictator for nearly fifty years. Mor sleeps around and drinks all the time. The Bat Boys were known for acting like Frat boys. Nesta ain't doing anything to their reputation. Also... side tangent....

This is gonna be a bit more personal but I think it should be mentioned. In my personal perspective, Feyre and Co. are really shitty friends and family to Nesta. I've suffered with severe depression since about eleven years old. Do you know what doesn't help? Being asked to do something you don't wanna do. Like not, something you like and have just lost the zeal for but full on have no interest. Them pestering her to come to the Starfall party or come help Feyre pick stuff for her house is the equivalent to asking me to go hiking or camping. Why the fuck couldn't Feyre, Elain and Cassian try to reach Nesta on her level? Like why couldn't Feyre use her newfound love for reading to get Nesta books and maybe write letters to her about what happened in them? When I've slipped into my depression it's things like my husband getting me my favorite breakfast, or taking me to a bookstore or popping in one of my favorite movies. It's not being around a bunch of people who treat me like shit or helping my sister-in-law with her kids. I hope that makes sense. I guess it really follows Feyre's character though. Only interacting with Nesta when she wants something from her.

Anyway... I agree that there should've been withdrawal symptoms and an actual struggle with that. However Maas doesn't want to deal with those ugly withdrawal symptoms. Remember? Only pretty trauma is acceptable in her books. The gritty reality of alcohol addiction makes it hard for her to write overly graphic male gaze smut.

#anti sjm #anti acotar #anti rhysand #anti feyre #anti acosf #anti sjmaas #sjm critical #answered asks #send me asks #ask box #ask me anything #my asks #ask holly #thanks for the ask!#ask

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drowndazaijustice4chuuya · 2 years

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Ok, my last post was about happy port mafia fics and the first fanfiction I have ever wrote for BSD(it's still in drafts but whatev) was also a happy fic. Fluff and crack.

And one fucking Tumblr post destroyed everything.

As a BSD fan, my experience with beast was pure pain. It was fluff and then devolved into angst. I couldn't finish everything since I wasn't feeling self destructive, but I know that Aku is healing, Gin and Aku sibling relationship is still in the angst phase, Aku and atsu had one cute moment before it all went to hell, oda survives, and most importantly, Dazai dies.

So I looked at all of the depressing fics on ao3 and was like "I'm gonna write the happiest sskk fic for this universe with zero angst and dedicate it to my sskk friend".

Well guess what.

I broke up with that friend and we're no longer friends.

A spoiler about the movie's epilogue has quite literally, destroyed any and all hopes of happiness.

Long story short, as very well expected, Port Mafia, or more specifically, Chuuya, goes to heck when Dazai unalives himself.

Chuuya is not dealing with his death very well, becomes boss and gets captured by the government.

He enlists atsu and Kyouka to decimate the ADA while shit talking Dazai.

Fyodor targets Shin Soukoku.

There is a whole post analysing this so read that because I am way to upset to care.

So now, I'm motivated to destroy myself more.

A fic that's gonna take up all of my brainpower because Fyodor what the fuck.

Shin Soukoku, slow burn, angst galore and a very slim chance of happy ending.

ADA gets absolutely screwed over, and with only Ranpo helping them against geniuses and with PM also out to fuck then over, they do not survive.

Everyone suffers and dies.

And because Chuuya is my favourite character, and my favourite ship is Soukoku, there is no happiness I can give him now.

Chuuya Angst to the very end.

Chuuya operating from a prison where he's being kept, he'll prob break out.

Kouyou and Verlaine is gonna be so hard because no one says shit about them in beast.

Fyodor is here to fuck shit up. if I'm feeling evil, I will raze Yokohama further by enlisting the help of Fukuchi.

TL;DR: A post inspires me to write the most depressing and horrible BSD fic in existence where quite literally, EVERY character dies.

This is why we can't have nice things.

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quillyfied · 1 month

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Hellaverse Theories: Hazbin Hotel S1E5

Welcome to Quilly’s Hellaverse Theories, where I overthink the entire Hellaverse! Gonna knock out another two episodes of Hazbin Hotel today and then the last two at some point later this week, and then it’ll be on to Helluva Boss (which will probably be shorter posts overall, because HH is the cosmic-scale conflict show and HB is the interpersonal conflict show, but knock on wood and all).

Time to jump into Hazbin Hotel s1e5!

Charlie starting to understand that the concept of redemption is nowhere near as easy as she thought it would be is such a wonderful, simple, universal, maddening element of coming-of-age stories, where naivete is replaced with experience. And, following that formula, Charlie’s desire to help people with THEIR problems means she can’t ignore HER problems. Ain’t it funny? Her commitment to the idea that she is Right About This can get a little grating, even a little embarrassing to watch (at least for me); I think for me it smacks of well-meaning but ignorant privilege (and being in possession of that and having gone through a lot of growing pains just to see that I have it in the first place, let alone try to grow from it…listen I don’t really believe in “cringe” the way it’s commonly used but I sure do feel it while watching Charlie in a visceral, personal way). But her determination to stop suffering in tangible ways is still an honorable impulse, and her strength of character can only improve by being challenged and knocked down from paths that won’t work.

Charlie’s wording for how the Exterminations came to be is another interesting angle to add to the puzzle. Even Miss Sunshine and Rainbows doesn’t sugar-coat it (except with the original sugar-coating I think she originally heard the story with), saying Lucifer let it happen, that he said, “go ahead and kill everyone.” Up until this point, Lucifer hasn’t been seen in-show except in the first episode’s bedtime story version of backstory. He’s mentioned as a powerful figure, usually in relation to Charlie (or rather, in Charlie’s relationship to him, “Lucifer’s brat,” “Lucifer’s little bitch,” etc.), but he isn’t seen. All we have is Charlie’s unwillingness to reach out to him, a hint of Daddy Issues, and a vision of a dreamer who gets his ideas ignored and makes a mistake that creates Hell. And now with this, the image that we get of Lucifer seems cold, passive, and distant. And, heck, to Charlie, that’s exactly what he is. To EVERYONE, that’s how he seems to be.

So you can imagine the sheer shock and delight that gripped my heart to find out that Lucifer is the picture definition of Just A Little Guy.

(My friend who got me into the Hellaverse and was very much into the fan scene of Hazbin Hotel has told me that she’s having a hard time reconciling fanon, which was all they had for about five years, with what we now get as canon, and it’s interesting because I can see the roots of the ideas that formed that version of Lucifer, because it’s how Charlie sees Lucifer: aloof, distant, caring but not personal. Because. Well. That’s what depression on a powerful man looks like. Mr. Darcy and Lucifer could swap notes.)

(Also, there’s a red bodysuit on a dummy hanging in Lucifer’s room and I want to know what it is and where in Hell Lucifer would wear it.)

(Also also, I want his tea set. It’s so much fun. What the heck.)

Alright, Lucifer: this guy. This adorable, wacky, deeply broken little man. This guy who is supposed to be the scariest, most powerful being in Hell…and whom Alastor IMMEDIATELY picks a fight with. Part of this I personally see as Alastor’s natural arrogance; he’s uncomfortable not being the person in the room with the most power and control, so re-establishing that is important. Doubly important to him, I believe, is keeping his influence over Charlie, which Lucifer could most definitely threaten. Lucifer too isn’t used to having his authority challenged, not by some random sinner, and Lucifer does not like sinners. Like, full stop, doesn’t care about them, agreed to the Exterminations against them (likely as a trade to keep his family safe, which is an understandable trade and certainly one more up Lucifer’s alley, letting it happen rather than enacting it himself), doesn’t want Charlie to put herself on the line for them. And so having one belittle and threaten him and his standing with Charlie makes for an absolutely delectable tension, from which we get a very fun musical number.

(And look maybe it’s my very stupid Homestuck brain but the kismessitude is off the CHARTS, they are perversely loving poking at each other and it is FUN TO WATCH OKAY.)

Also, watching Alastor manipulate his way through the first half of this episode makes the catharsis of Lucifer’s genuine affection later (once he and Charlie hash out more of the bullcrap first) so much better, and it reinforces a running theme through the show (both shows actually): that the false or shallow stuff (Words, to use Rosie’s later advice) can entertain or help only so far before it falls apart, and the real stuff (Actions) is hard work but often the more truthful, stable stuff long-term. And “stuff” really is a catch-all term here: Alastor’s simpering false affection versus Lucifer’s genuine deeper fatherly love, Valentino’s version of love versus the Hotel’s version of love, Blitzo and Stolas’ full moon agreement versus the underlying feelings they have for each other, Sir Pentious’ first day “progress” versus his real, actual redemption after he sacrifices himself for people he was fully planning to shoot six months ago, Crimson’s playing nice towards Moxxie versus Blitzo’s actual trust in and care towards Moxxie. Real love, real support, real relationships, real progress: they’re messy, they’re hard, they’re not going to be storybook perfect, or as easy as sharing feelings and doing a couple of trust falls. I’m out in left field here again but this principle is so foundational to both of these shows; it’s 100% why I believe that if and when Alastor’s moment to turn on the Hotel and Charlie comes, it’s going to be such a satisfying and probably heart-wrenching moment, because even the detached sadistic Radio Demon might not be immune from making valuable connections that would bother him to lose. His game of manipulation and guiding Charlie towards a particular goal of his might get its hooks into him in ways he doesn’t expect—when the care he professes to have for Charlie turns into real care rather than a way to snipe at Lucifer.

ANYWAY.

Nice to see the theater that the hotel façade is always broadcasting, though not sure if it counts as real since it’s during a musical number. And to bring back the last point about fake vs. real feelings: Lucifer himself undergoes a transformation this episode, too. Alastor is laying it on thick, but Lucifer is as well, he’s just painfully sincere about it and that makes it worse. He doesn’t know how to emotionally connect to Charlie, but he wants to smother her with affection and gifts and favors, since that’s about all he has to offer. It doesn’t occur to him until Charlie snaps at him that what she really wants and needs from him is…him. Himself. And being horrifically depressed and isolated doesn’t do much for a person, especially a person who screwed up in about the worst way a being can and as punishment got kicked out of his home, forced into a place he doesn’t like (and maybe can never escape), and made to watch the fruits (lol) of his labor churn out thousands of years of pain and suffering. Lucifer doesn’t GET that all Charlie needs is HIM. Why would she need HIM?? She can need the stuff he can get her, she can need favors from him, but HIM??? His support, his love, his encouragement? Madness. Nobody needs Lucifer. Lucifer is a sad sack hiding away in his ducky room, nobody needs that. I’m not projecting. This is fine.

SO. Next important building block into the “so blood colors in Hazbin Hotel specifically, what’s that about” discussion: Lucifer doing the Vivziepop crazy-eyes-with-drippy-mouth deranged expression. His bloody mouth drippies? They’re gold. Lucifer is still an angel. He’s a Fallen angel, but we don’t really know what that means in this context, because Vaggie is also an angel who lives in Hell but is never referred to as Fallen, but Lucifer still self-identifies as an angel, never as a demon. He still has the wings, he still has the powers, he still has the golden blood, APPARENTLY. But he also has the demonic form, the fire powers, the authority of a king of Hell. So, okay, he bleeds golden. Angels do that. Sinners were once human; they bleed red. We don’t seem to meet another Hellborn demon who runs into trouble in Hazbin Hotel, but in Helluva Boss, Hellborn demons bleed black. And if we’re running on the assumption that HH and HB still exist in the same universe, the black blood for Hellborn demons should hold true for HH, right? Keep this thought in mind, it’ll become important at the finale.

MIMZY! With her Mammon tattoo that drives me up the wall because sinners can’t leave Pride so why does she have that!!!!

Her version of Alastor’s backstory is, again, sort of unreliable, but it’s probably pretty close to the truth (just not the WHOLE truth, but there are some things that will probably never be discussed because they’re not important to the story but I’m just curious about them…like exactly how long it took for Alastor to start gaining clout, how he managed to take down powerful Overlords all on his own, if he’s always been freaky-powerful and different or if he became that way, what he knows and if he exploited Hellish loopholes or just read the proverbial instruction manual, if any of the Overlords he destroyed signed their souls to him first, etc. etc. etc.). And it serves the purpose of filling in some context for Alastor and why even after a seven-year absence he seems feared and respected still (by certain folks, anyway). But knowing all of this, and knowing Husk used to be an Overlord too…it raises a lot of the same questions from last episode, with interest after Husk goes to try and talk to him about Mimzy.

A short play-by-play: Husk interrupts Alastor’s now-silent pissing contest with Lucifer to bring up a concern with him. Alastor dismisses and belittles Husk. Husk lashes out with an incredibly dangerous piece of knowledge. Alastor wastes no time in putting Husk back in his place. They part ways, Alastor superior and Husk cowed.

Now let’s dig in a little deeper: Husk goes to Alastor to warn him about Mimzy out of concern. That’s interesting. Concern for Alastor? Concern for the hotel and its residents? Both? Alastor’s self-inflated ego is both his strength and his weakness; it’s entirely fair of Husk to bring up that Alastor has been missing for a little while, and to point out that nobody knows WHY—the implication being, with Alastor’s absence, fear of his abilities will have dwindled some (and Mimzy did just get done saying that he hasn’t gone on an Overlord-killing spree in a while, though what “a while” means is unclear). And given that seven years was enough time for the Vees to rise in power and get a chokehold on Hell like they have, Husk’s concerns are entirely valid, even reasonable.

Alastor’s reaction is beautifully in-character: an assertion and confidence in his own abilities, and a subtle reminder to Husk of his position in their relationship and what and who Alastor is to him (yes, calling him a pet is “subtle;” the overt way happens shortly). Alastor doesn’t want Husk’s concern; just his compliance. Alastor is aware that Husk still has value as an underling, but he isn’t so irreplaceable that Alastor wouldn’t destroy him for impertinence in a heartbeat. Here’s the next thought, though: does Alastor not like the impertinence…or is he afraid?

Because here’s my next huge batch of questions: how does Husk know that Alastor is on a leash? How is it that Husk isn’t an Overlord anymore and instead is owned by one, but Alastor is himself not in possession of his own soul (maybe) and yet retains his powers, his souls, his standing? Is Alastor on the hook for his whole soul, or something else? Alastor as a deal-maker has shown that he deals in way more things than just souls; while souls seem to be the most powerful currency, they aren’t the only currency—or the only things that grant power. But it isn’t like most owned souls go around with a collar and leash with “return to owner” tags on them. Does Husk know because as a former Overlord he can recognize some of the signs in Alastor somehow? Is there some sort of mutual sense connection between them? Alastor owns Husk, but Husk only allowed himself to be owned to save his power. What does that mean? Do Alastor and Husk have a typical Overlord/owned soul relationship, or is there something different about their contract?

Any way you dice it, Husk overstepped a line that Alastor did not want crossed (oh the irony), and Alastor’s immediate reaction to challenges to his authority is to assert that authority with a show of force. Up until now, that show of force has just been creepy static Alastor, but with Husk, he has something more visceral. Husk’s contract with Alastor as represented by the ropes in Loser is airtight, inescapable and neat and complete. Likewise, Alastor’s chain on Husk is far more tangible than Valentino’s on Angel, more inescapable. And Husk, very rightly, is scared witless of his boss and what Alastor could do to him. Husk was an Overlord; he knows the feeling now of being on both ends of the leash, what a person can do with a soul they own. Alastor cannot afford to be challenged by someone he could destroy with a thought. More than that, Husk needs to be reminded of his place and that his place includes silence about what he knows. It’s framed as Alastor punishing and threatening Husk for the backtalk, but I think it’s a little deeper than that; I think it’s also him ensuring Husk doesn’t go spreading it around that Alastor is also on the hook with somebody else.

I wonder if it keeps Husk up at night, to know that the demon he sold (lost?) his own soul to did the exact same thing, that there is something bigger and scarier and more powerful than Alastor out there and what might happen to Husk if Alastor gets destroyed.

Aaaanyway.

Back to Lucifer, who is in the middle of trying to parent his child away from making very similar mistakes that he himself made without being open about it, like a parent does. The problem being, Charlie isn’t a child anymore. And her doing things like challenging Heaven and taking sinners under her metaphorical wings is going to have consequences much bigger than she’s aware of because she hasn’t been told the whole truth, the whole story. But even in his roundabout way, Lucifer IS telling Charlie pieces of the story—“You build something nice” Was that Lucifer trying to make the best out of a bad situation? He gets to Hell, he tries to make the best of it, he fixes up Hell to be this neat and fun circus. Woohoo! “You invite them in” So the first sinners show up, Lucifer has Hell all ready for them, and… “And they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep.” It didn’t work out very well, did it? Humans create environments that are what they’re comfortable in, which means recreating what they know and understand; it’s what makes recovery for abuse victims so difficult, what makes PTSD recovery so difficult, what makes actually growing and overcoming our issues and bad coping mechanisms so difficult. And with a ruler who doesn’t understand humans, already knows that to get to Hell they had to do something wrong, and gets his assumptions proven right when sinners return to the behaviors they know and understand best…yeah, not so much a surprise that “it doesn’t matter how well-intentioned you are, they're always going to disappoint you” is what flies out of Lucifer’s mouth next, huh?

Lucifer is what Charlie could become if she lets herself become jaded and closed-off. Because some of the most miserable sad sacks in existence are the failed dreamers.

But hark!

“How come he can have faith in me but my own father can’t?”

Lucifer’s wake-up call, and the subsequent musical number where two very important sides are shared: Lucifer’s failed attempts at realizing his own visions for creation (and the way he puts it…it sounds like he tried to help sinners too, at first, but got too hurt in the process to continue; maybe he’s just referring to giving humans free will in the first place, but there seems to me to be little hints that even after getting to Hell he was still trying to help humanity and he failed), and Charlie’s core drives and goals (ignited by seeing her own dad’s creativity, still alive even after being pretty well mangled, not that she knew that as a kid; Charlie being aware of Lucifer’s intentions to help when he gave Eve the apple is probably a safe bet given the storybook, but her childhood innocence keeping her shielded from how badly that failure fucked him up also shielded her from his cynicism and despair and helped her cultivate real determination to make her ideas work). Lucifer failed, but he can help Charlie succeed—and even if she doesn’t, what she really needs from him is just the support. She does need him—and he can be there for her. He can be scared for her, want to protect her, but he can also set aside the impulse to hide her away to be who she actually needs, which is someone who steps up to help her and cheers her on.

He can be for Charlie what he couldn’t be for Lilith, in other words. Because what he needs to DO for Charlie is ultimately to let her go. To let her make her own decisions, and step in only when she needs him. Not to smother her, not to hide from her, just to be there on her terms. It’s visibly difficult for Lucifer to submit to Charlie’s request for a meeting with Heaven. But he does it. Because it’s what she needs (in more ways than he knows tbh).

There’s a million other little details I’m glossing over—Alastor throwing Mimzy out (and the implications that Alastor doesn’t want trouble like that coming to the Hotel constantly—either because he doesn’t WANT to be fending demons off like that, or maybe he CAN’T?), Husk’s little look of satisfaction as she leaves (yeah Alastor gave him absolute hell earlier but he was right, and Alastor did get rid of her, so in a way, didn’t Husk win?), Sir Pentious’ TV Guide magazine as the three onlookers swap between the two dramas unfolding before them (perfect gag, love it), wondering if Lucifer knew what Vaggie was (unlikely but you never know; maybe he just figured it wasn’t a secret so he didn’t say anything), Alastor’s twitching smile when Lucifer first enters the hotel and throws himself at Charlie, the “It’s A Boy” banner hanging in the background of the hotel—but I’m pretty sure I hit all the marks I wanted to make. There was a lot of meat to chew over in this episode.

And there’s gonna be even more next episode!

#quilly's hellaverse theories #hazbin hotel #quilly writing

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tailsrevane · 1 year

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[movie review] kiki's delivery service (1989)

so there’s this girl right and she’s got this really amazing talent and she is literally chomping at the bit to go out into the world and see what she can do. she meets some really great people, and some not so great people, but the not so great people aren’t like evil they’re just kinda jerks, but honestly mostly she meets great people.

anyway she has to start monetizing this thing she loves doing because we live in an exceptionally stupid world where that’s what you have to do to survive if you’re lucky, and it goes kinda okay at first but over time it wears her down and wouldn’t you know it eventually she just can’t even do this thing she loves doing anymore? it happens kinda gradually but one day she just wakes up and it’s just fully gone, and the harder she tries the more frustrating it gets and oh my fucking gods show of hands if you haven’t been there? if your hand is up i’m just going to go ahead and assume you’re either not a creative type (which is totally okay! you do you, boo) or have never suffered depression.

part of what i love about this movie is how many just… incredibly positive influences there are on our little witch girl. like the boisterous, friendly baker lady who takes her in and frets over her struggles without being too invasive. or the incredibly sweet, quiet baker boy who makes her an adorable little sign for her fledgling delivery business. or the kindly older lady customer who spends all day with her baking a pie and just generally vibing with her.

or hey how about her young adult friend who lives in the woods and spends all her time painting and comes and benignly kidnaps her to the woods and listens to her problems with magic and recognizes them because they’re the exact same problems she sometimes has with art and tells her that she just needs to let it go and stop trying to force it because it’ll be there when she needs it to be? it’s kind of like that’s what this entire movie is about.

i just love that there isn’t a villain in this movie it’s just someone living her life and trying to find her place in the world and i just love that so much. and i super, super love how everyone around kiki is just all about helping. and everyone is so protective of kiki in their own ways because they just see her, but they’re also not pushy about it they’re just there and they’re not looking for anything from her, they just want her to be okay and happy and just. fuck.

i did a big, dumb tournament to figure out my favorite movie of all time that i'll probably post on here at some point so i'm not gonna spoil whether this is my favorite favorite movie, but you can easily see why it might be right? just an absolutely incredible movie. i've really never seen anything like it, even in the rest of miyazaki hayao's oeuvre.

s-rank

#kiki's delivery service #ghibli #studio ghibli #anime #movies #movie review #reviews #witchy #witches #miyazaki hayao #miyazaki

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sshewolfiona · 1 year

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I really need some support right now!!

#follow me if you are willing to accept me for me and please tell me I'm not the only one that's confused about their gender identity these days ?

⛈️✨I'm at a low place in my life and I'm very much letting my depression get the best of me!🪐⛈️🪐⛈️🦕💕

I almost feel like I have no good reason to carry on anymore and that I should do everyone a fkn favor and off myself😓😥😟😖. I'm just gonna come out of the closet on here to basically whole world but I know not many will see my story; they will scroll by ... I know, I get it😢nobody ever had the time for me before in this life time so why now would I actually have even one person that is willing to listen and actually help me through my silent struggle... Suffering in silence is killing me that's why ... 💜⚡I'm here today to ...be able to say

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

🌈Coming out of the closet today🌈 everyone!! 😮❣️I can't keep my sweet silent lies down deep.. I'm here and I'm queer get used to it .🤐 Not really but listen if you'd like to hear my sexual identity crisis ..

I just have had one fck of a time on this Earth and finally at this age , oh my, 😮⚡⚡🌈 I find myself looking to LGBTQ hashtags and forums for answers on what's exactly wrong with me!!

Long story short : I knew there were many things about my inner world and the way I experienced it that made me very different from everyone.... And I have just found the words ; asexual 🌈💚 and aromantic so yes. I am Ace-Aro very very aro ... Sex repulsed aro ... And that's not all ... Actually I today, found that I have to admit I'm non-binary too. I've been ashamed and had found this part of my life, my sexual life, was very deeply embarassing and had not quite fit society standards and now I'm finally relieved a great deal that there are words for all that I'm going through and ii don't have to feel so weird about dating anymore I'll just be straight up about my sexual identity and preferences ........ For now tho. I have been seeing a dude that is heterosexual so this straight male is my partner. We are best friends.. and we have our own sex ONLY WHEN IM COMFORTABLE AND REALLY WANTING TO !!!! It's special occasion for sex to happen.. he has been molested as a child so he always understood how sex can be touchy and he NEVER pressured me. I feel like he could be not totally but on the spectrum of aromatic.... Idk .. we are good together so far.. but there is much more for us to move on from like personal past issues. We both need therapy for abuse and sexual abuse and before we deal with that then we will try bs support each other ... We are so shy and painfully awkward when it comes to gender roles or out own roles in the relationship like he's such a very sensitive man he really gets hurt by my just experience.. at first when I came out as asexual to him he said " so you don't find me attractive?? Why don't you find me attractive? What can I do to turn you on and make my appearance more attractive?!" And I was really for the first-time being faced with the real issue that actually " I don't find anyone attractive" so I hunted online for the solution. I felt broken and wanted a cure.

Lol

But it turns out I was born this way and iit is not a mental illness ...

I did go to the doctor tho....

I'm autistic .. diagnosed autism is scary ! It's a huge label. But it also makes me angry that all these years they diagnose Me this change it to that and I never got anywhere in any of the definition of bipolar and scizo such whatever the problem is is that ok I took so many meds I never needed and for years were not designed for my chemical imbalance which I never had turns out !!

Wow 😲 so much going on

🌈🌈So I found my true identity! Sexual identity,🌈😎😎🌈💚🖤 can I just be accepted and loved by some members of the #Witchcraft community or the LGBTQ community please at least LIKE. My post. And comment anybody wanna be my friend ?? I'm lonely lonely so lonely all on my only and I need someone to relate to other than these cis people !!!

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doorsclosingslowly · 2 years

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Would you be willing to give some director's commentary on the fic where Jesper is dead? I loved it so much, would love to hear about what went into some of the choices and scenes

Thank you! I’m excited about all the fics I publish but Another Dream About Shapeshifting is so dear to my heart and I guess the why’s gonna be super obvious as soon as I start rambling.

CN internalized ableism, suicidal ideation

Escape

The scene I thought up as soon as I read the prompt mashup. Kaz and Jesper, on the run from—nothing and everything, but mostly from Kaz’s feelings when he realizes he’s failed to help his bestie. Jesper’s death is a metaphor. This is a story about why it’s so hard to ask for and receive help while the pain’s still somewhat manageable.

He’s dealt with undiagnosed ADHD for as long as Kaz has known him, he’s never lived in a world that accommodates the way his brain works. Never had the support he needs. He’s never been at ease. When he breaks down (dies) it’s due to the same stress he’s suffered all along. Therefore: he didn’t appear any different, close to the edge. The breakdown whose details—distorted and literalized—guided this portrayal was going to the psych ward instead of killing myself because life was a ceaseless painful struggle (and then I got diagnosed as autistic and I’m getting care now but anyway)

Touchscreen

Kaz isn’t handling this well internally. He tells Jesper they’ll go drive because he knows things have to change or this will happen again, because he can’t admit he doesn’t want to let Jesper out of his sight, because he can’t articulate the guilt of overlooking how bad Jes was doing. Grandiose caring acts and silence, that’s Kaz. It’s illusory though to imagine you can always tell when people are at their breaking point: especially when they’ve been fighting forever, what from the outside is “normal” is already “extreme stress”. This theme will resurface in the beach scene.

Shopping centre

A filler but a fun one? By this scene I had decided on how to write post-death Jesper. I love body horror, but it’s not the vibe for this, so instead I went heavy on the synaesthesia and the flower eating, in a way alluding to the way Jesper’s processing and sensually enjoying the world around him again after it greyed out during the worst of his illness/stress/depression.

Supplies

More Kaz showing his stress, this time smoking relapse (by the way the reason why people in my fics tend to smoke Camels is due to an incredible song about how the Camel mascot’s face looks like a dick and balls). Kaz’s guilt shows back up, this time obliquely connecting Kaz’s pain after Jordie’s death with what could happen to Jesper’s friends and family if they found out they didn’t help Jesper.

Piss break

Filler. Bodily functions because I like the rootedness in the world and the body of these kinds of details. I don’t like driving and find the idea of Kaz Brekker: shitty slow driver funny. Plus, I imagine the Crows are all city creatures nowadays and don’t need licenses. Kaz drinks Monster energy drinks in memory of a fellow patient in the psych ward and also because I had the phrase “Kaz pounds a Monster” in one draft.

Texting

Jesper, not telling people what happened. just like he didn’t tell them he was struggling before. We’re back at another aspect of the main theme. The feeling of intruding into other people’s life if you ask for help that you can already guess will need to be substantial, and they’re all dealing with their own important issues and they’re just somehow better at coping than you. Then, trying to shield people from your pain because you know they’ll feel responsible. They’d feel responsible if they knew how long they have seen—but not *seen*--you struggle. Of course Jesper can’t tell his Da.

Doctors

I went to doctors and therapists and psychologists multiple times over more than a decade, and some of them helped sometimes but they there’d be something I’d need to organize by myself, calls I’d need to make, referrals I’d need to seek out, and I was too ill and stressed to do that while at the same time keeping my daily life in any way running. So I prioritized. Avoided the certain, immediate consequences of not showing up to classes or work. Until I couldn’t do that anymore, either.

Flat

Another filler for pacing reasons. “Apparently, being dead is just as much work as being alive, and Jesper wasn’t even good enough not to fuck that one up.” The external pressures don’t stop, even when you break down, another reason why Kaz’s panicked decision to take Jesper away from it all does actually help. The genital vore joke is because serious stories need jokes and because I like bringing up the fact that flowers are genitals.

Beach

Key scene. Kaz’s monologue about the way Jordie drowned in plain sight, fighting for life so hard he couldn’t shout, is paralleling Jesper’s trying to manage work and uni and looking like a neurotypical person so hard he’d got no strength or brainpower left to ask for help from doctors or friends and family, and they can’t see he’s sinking because he just looks like normal old Jesper. Jesper’s starting to affect the environment now, plants growing from his footsteps, partially because do you remember the forest god in Princess Mononoke?? that ruled so hard and partially because I wanted to show him growing stranger because there is no way to return to the old you after that kind of a breakdown.

James bond

None of the grand questions get resolved. Guilt. Help. The future. Instead, Kaz and Jesper indulge in the small solution they’ve found, moments when it’s fun to be alive. They’re making up spy stories because I was listening to the Kill James Bond podcast in the time period when I wrote this, very funny do recommend.

#i hope that's sort of what you were looking for anon!!!#dimtraces makes things

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andromedaspark · 2 years

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Yes I'm posting about my autism. Fuck you.

I can't get diagnosed in my state (South Carolina)

Period. I just can't. There are no clinical psychologists who do autism testing for anyone who isn't like 5 or under.

Not even expensive ones. There's just None.

If I were to get diagnosed it would have to be in North Carolina or Georgia.

Since I'm not a toddler it's going to 10 times more difficult for me to get a diagnosis.

Since I'm AFAB it's going to be 50 times harder to get a diagnosis.

Since I also have ADHD it's going to be 100 times harder to get a diagnosis.

I want a service dog for my autism because

They can help with crowd control (they circle around you to push others back)

They can help with my skin picking disorder

They can help alert others or my guardian if I start to have a panic attack or meltdown.

They can help with mobility

They can preform active coping mechanisms

They can help encourage me to leave the house more

See, a service dog would be ideal. But my family can't afford a diagnosis for autism much less a service dog for said autism.

Service Animals with training are work.

The average autism service dog costs between $30,000 and $50,000 to be fully trained before joining their forever family. (Source)

I have autism, depression, panic attacks, C-PTSD, social anxiety, and am HOH. That's just with this one list.

I only got diagnosed with (at the time) Severe Chronic Depression, GAD, and (technically, at the time) ADD very recently, in around 2018-19. I was almost hospitalized. I was severely chronically su*c*dal and was actively engaging in SH (in my own 'unique' way).

My mom figured I had autism when I was like 4. She never told me.

That lead to social isolation, social anxiety, a good part of my depression and Daily Burnout + Meltdowns.

Luckily I'm past most of that now (after years of therapy, after 5 therapists and a psychologist, years of adjusting medication, DBT, CBT, PCT, Gestalt Therapy, bits of ERP, and even Somatic therapy)

Anyway back to the Diagnosis

Autism testing can cost between $3000 and $5000. (Source)

So why does a Slip of Paper from a psychologist in another state have to cost more than 5 new phones?

Fuck if I know. I'm not enough of an idiot to figure that one out.

But it pisses me off

Because it would cost about 4k for a diagnosis, then 40k for a service dog. And my family barely had 300 dollars spare to just throw at shit.

$44,000 for a dog and a piece of paper telling me what I already know.

And I just want accessibility. But they put prices on it that make me feel like my suffering is worth it because at least I'm not drowning in debt.

And I already have 4 dogs, but pets and service dogs are Very different.

I can't have anything good. And it sucks.

So next time anyone says they don't believe I'm autistic I want 4k cash in my hand by the end of the week or I'm going to go apeshit.

For legal reasons that is a joke

In all honesty I don't expect anyone to read this. This is purely just a jumbled up rant of all my tired autistic brain screaming.

I'm on the highest dosages of my Depression+Anxiety medication and my ADHD medication. If I want to go up I have to get a different medication.

And that scares me.

Even more so now that we have a new doctor that thinks my ADHD medication is a joke and doesn't think I should be on it at all even though I've been on it for a year now and it's done amazing work. It's just not where I want to be.

Anyway if she takes my meds from I'm just gonna bite the bullet and start taking weed.

I mean what's she gonna do? Arrest me? Maybe. Weeds illegal here. But fuck yall you made my medication inaccessible so I'm doing it my damn self.

My neighbors are smokers and they aren't shy about it, and my moms friend is like A Weed Veteran with how long she's been taking it and making stuff with it.

She started making cookie edibles and I swear to god. They have the weed ground down into powder and used with the flour in a half substitute ratio. They look so fucking good. I want the Calm Down Cookies. They're sugar cookies too which are like my fucking favorite thing on the planet.

And my mom wants me to start with the gummies but I Fucking Hate Gummy shit. I'd rather rot in hell than get gummy stuck in my teeth. But it's a small price to pay to work up to weed cookie.

And I genuinely thought about the Ecig THC because those are things and they taste good (supposedly) and it's 'not as bad' as unfiltered blunts. And the aesthetic of smoking is neat to me. But I decided against it because it would be more of a hassle than it's worth. It's risking my already shitty lungs and my sensory issues along with overall health and future complications. Edibles you get a snack And a good time And your lungs get to live another day.

Anyway I've done way too much research on weed and let me just say. They make up the wildest names. I can see a strain called "Fuck bitches get money" and it's good for like making you hungry and tired. There's like "cactus fetus" and it calms you down and is good for sleep. Like Bitch.

Anyway do you think in California they can UberEats you weed now?

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edgaralienpoe · 1 year

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hi, i’m back as promised. my actual reactions are under this post (and it’s reblogs) it’s well documented 🤣 also forgive me!! this ask is quite a long one 😭

we’re in on it for the same reason!! 🙃 i discovered park jihoon earlier last year bc of at a distance spring is green and i was hearing news abt this new show he’d be in that his character strays away from the boy next door types he’d been playing.

initially, i thought the show was quite unrealistic (the part where they managed to successfully stop some huge scheme that was going on, yeah, high schoolers?? fr??) and i hate seeing that in shows that someone mirror reality but i changed my mindset, started just looking over the unrealistic parts and immersed myself in the found family of the trio 🥹 (big mistake, really fucked myself up there). also it’s true what you mentioned abt the violence bc it’s somewhat a peek into why people did what they did to survive in the hellhole of a school (or show lol)

i thought it was well done for something so short (minus the first quarter or first half 😭) specially loved it when we started seeing into the trio more? I LOVED THEM SO MUCH AND I KNOW THAT IF CIRCUMSTANCES WERE DIFFERENT THEY COULD’VE BEEN REALLY GREAT FRIENDS! you can’t tell me otherwise :(

about bumseok, my thoughts in the posts/rbs are not representatives of how i think of him today pls do not take me seriously 😭 i was just rlly mad at him and looking for someone to blame when i knew (or know now that) it’s not his fault. i think all he ever wanted was a place where he felt like he belonged and for acceptance and for ppl to look at him as their equal rather than smth to look down on. while i think he really misinterpreted the situation with sooho, we also can’t blame him for feeling that way bc it’s all his ever seen so far :( i hurt for all three of them but presently, i hurt for bumseok most bc i know that everything he did wasn’t his fault (it was his decisions to do the things he did, yes, but everything leading up to were beyond him).

what hurts more is that nothing will ever be the same from this point on and there’s no happy reunion for them (also weak hero the webtoon is more on sieun’s life in that new school). and even if they meet each other further down the line, i don’t think i’d like to be happily friends with someone behind my being a comatose and we just have to live with that conclusion.

if there are specific points you want to talk to me with, feel free to do so bc i need prompts to bring up those traumatic memories (the show) HAHA i’m just thrilled that someone else has watched the show bc i have been suffering in silence for a MONTH. i actually got sad for days after watching it so i feel you. i hope talking to someone else abt it helps with the post-show depression 😭

ok so I just woke up and I wrote so much... I don't think my phone nor Tumblr are gonna like that://

some clothing piece that was rEd and read 'keep pushing' at the back like a warning or maybe it was positive. then bumseok being almost naked while his dad was hitting him, when he's generally fully covered and you can even see his arms when he's at school or hanging out -could also be to hide bruises and stuff :((-

like you, bumseok made me feel so conflicted, cause we kinda know why he ended like he did but also, a person can't just excuse everything on their trauma.

I loved the first scene on episode eight, when the three of them were together but sieun is left alone, because that's just how the show started and sadly, how it ended. and like you said, even if they find each other I don't think it would be the same because all of them hurted so much from that to the point that I don't think they're the same people anymore, would you like to see them back together? A lot of people want to.

who was your favorite character? What made them your fave? (I saw you talking about keep watching because of suho but maybe that changed) do you think there was something else between suho and bumseok? I saw people take the whole situation as bumseok having a crush on suho -that would make sense because of how impulsive he got - but then some people took it as bumseok just wanting to be like suho and reading too much into what he was doing (kind of what you said) again sO complex

#good thank you so much for talking about this with me #sorry for writing so much #im truly sAD thinking about them </3

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anlheu · 2 years

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Breaking the Taboo

It's been quite a while since I wrote something and posted good stuff on Instagram. For months, I've been knee-deep with my MA, finishing my TESOL and other online courses, doing some volunteer work, teaching my students, and working extremely hard to fight my depression.

Yes... you read it right. I'm battling depression that's why I can't post something positive. How can I spread positivity when even I couldn't feel it? False positivity is just not my thing.

It started about 6 or 7 months into the pandemic last year... I've been in and out of a dark place. From a different perspective given the current circumstance that we all find ourselves in, I could be considered as one of the lucky ones because for one thing I'm physically healthy among other things to be grateful for. Yet despite that, I find myself experiencing anxiety, sleepless nights, and demotivation. There are times when even getting up from the bed feels exhausting.

Being inside of your head is the hardest and scariest place to be when you are depressed. It feels like there's this part of you that's in a deep pit wanting to climb out but can't or don't know how. The emotions are just too chaotic and overwhelming. There were moments when I couldn't do anything productive for a week or so, and I would feel guilty and hate myself for that causing another bout of anxiety. Honestly, it's exhausting that you just want it to be over as soon as possible.

Every night I pray that when I open my eyes the next day, the fog would be lifted or at least I could get through another day no matter how hard it is. Every day, I wake up and do my best to fight the demon inside me. I do all sorts of stuff that I know could make me feel better somehow just to get by. At the back of my mind, I've been thinking that there are people suffering more than me, but they continue to live. It also occurred to me that I shouldn't invalidate my feelings... that it's normal to feel this way.

So about three months ago, I decided to conduct research on mental health as my course project. I've been thinking that since my mental health is threatened, I might as well learn more about it and raise awareness to help normalize conversations and break the stigma and discrimination regarding mental health.

I'm still in the process of climbing out of this pit by telling myself that I can't solve the world's problem, but I can somehow help if I redirect my energy in doing something good for me and those around me, to not react to every single thing that's out of my control, and to be open and honest about what I'm going through because I cannot advocate for something unless I share it, thus I'm putting this out here.

I think that admitting that you are depressed is one step to helping yourself get out of the dark place. People with depression aren't looking for pity...knowing that there's someone you can talk to without fear of judgment when everything feels overwhelming is good enough. This is based on my personal experience, I would still advice those who are experiencing severe depression to consult with experts.

There are a lot of people fighting their silent battles. Maybe you know some or maybe you don't. But if ever that you have family or friends who seem to be withdrawing or disconnecting from the world, try to reach out and ask how they are. If they don't respond to you in what is considered an "acceptable" amount of time, let them because they may need the time to process their feelings and thoughts or to "re-energize." Just remind them that you are gonna be there whenever they are ready. Better yet simply make it a habit to reach out to friends and family every now and then because we may see them smiling and laughing, however, we are unaware of how they truly feel.

Depression is dangerous because you can't see it; it's a "virus" that cannot be cured by vaccine and may lead to irreversible consequence.

To help normalize conversations on mental health, break the stigma and discrimination, and genuinely help people suffering from various mental illness, you can...

EDUCATE YOURSELF. BE KIND. BE SENSITIVE. HAVE AN OPEN MIND. ADVOCATE TO ADDRESS AND TREAT NON-COMMUNICABLE DISEASES.

Depression does not equate to insanity.

#mental health awareness #breakthestigma #normalizementalhealth #communication

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autobots-and-their-crazy-kids · 3 years

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Possibly Transformers Animated Biggest Weakpoint...

…is how it pins all the blame on Optimus Prime for the Archa 7 Event! 💔🕷🕸

For those that need a quick reminder on what the Archa 7 Event is:

*Sentinel had an idea to go to a forbidden planet that has a Decepticon Warship full of energon and wants to bring Elita and Optimus with him on this mission.

*Elita agreed cause she was curious about the warship’s history and how it works.

*Optimus was reluctant, but gave into peer pressure and also because he wanted to protect his ‘friends’.

*Giant hostile alien spiders attacked them underground.

*Optimus got lost, but found the energon.

*Elita found Optimus.

*Optimus told Elita to help him use the explosive energon as a weapon against the spiders.

*It works, but all the underground caverns were starting to explode.

*Optimus and Elita tried to escape, but Elita’s download of Optimus’ grappling ability expired and she fell.

*Optimus tried to use his other grappling hook to reach her, but he failed.

*Sentinel runs in in time to see Elita fall and he tries to save her, but Optimus stops Sentinel and forces them both to leave the caverns before the final explosion consumes them both.

*Elita watches this while fighting the spiders.

*Elita downloads the spiders’ organic venom (despite Optimus’ warning) and becomes the techno-organic, Blackarachnia.

*Optimus and Sentinel couldn’t find her on the spark radar, cause of her recently created organic half.

*Sentinel blames everything on Optimus, like a jerk.

*Blackarachnia blames Optimus and Sentinel, ignoring her own part in her organic spider corruption.

*And even Optimus blames everything on Optimus.

*Optimus says that he was the leader of the mission during his and Sentinel’s trial and takes full responsibility for what happened.

*Ultra Magnus expels Optimus from the academy. (Although, Ultra Magnus should’ve been smart enough to figure out that it wasn’t ‘goody-two-shows’ Optimus’ idea at all and he’s clearly covering for Sentinel...)

*Optimus meets the other main characters and then later the story of TFA happens...

Frist, let’s talk about Optimus Prime’s PTSD and depression:

*Despite his name, Optimus rarely seems to smile or be happy in general; he’s stoic and usually hides his true emotions.

*After Archa 7, he gains a messed up case of arachnophobia that’s so bad, even fake spider toys can trigger his PSTD memories and either startle him or cause him to attack in self-defense.

*He’s also clearly suffering from Survivor’s Guilt, considering that he completely blames himself for what happened to Elita.

Now, let’s talk more about how Blackarachnia and Sentinel basically gaslight Optimus:

Sentinel Prime:

*It was all Sentinel’s idea, but Sentinel lets Optimus take the blame for everything, including Elita’s fate.

*Sentinel ignores his own responsibility over what happened on Archa 7 and he only says that he’s sorry that they ever went to that spider planet, after encountering Blackarachnia; Sentinel conveniently forgets to mention that they only went to Archa 7 because of him.

*Sentinel also doesn’t seem to really care about Elita all that much anymore (even before he knew about her turning into Blackarachnia) and he was also willing to let Optimus join the Elita Guard Autobots, if Optimus makes Sentinel look good in front of Ultra Magnus... I honestly have no sympathy for this dude what so ever... he deserves worse then what he got in the end.

Blackarachnia/Elita One:

*Yes, her being left behind is tragic and unfair, but in the end... Blackarachnia has honestly nobody to blame except for herself for her permanent transformation.

*It may have been Sentinel’s idea, but Elita was almost just as willing to go to Archa 7.

*Optimus warns her not to use her download ability on the organic spiders, but she does it anyway later on... Why? Why did she do that? Why the frag did she think it was a good idea to absorb spider venom?!

*Both Elita and Blackarachnia are shown to be kinda reckless and selfish.

*Blackarachnia also doesn’t care about the possible lives she ruins/destroys/betrays in her attempts to cure herself or experiment with science, even if they’re people that haven’t even wronged her. (Like Sari, the Dinobots, Wasp and all of Detroit...)

*Despite this, Optimus tries offering her chances to redeem herself and even helping her find a cure, but she keeps rejecting his offers and continues to be a jerk.

*She blames Optimus and Sentinel for everything that happened to her, but she refuses to accept her own responsibility on the Archa 7 Event.

*Blackarachnia doesn’t truly have to forgive them, but she should at least be aware that her becoming Blackarachnia is technically her own fault.

*She’s like the personification of that saying: “I suffered, why shouldn't they?”

Optimus Prime:

*Now I’m gonna be honest, Optimus isn’t completely blameless; he could’ve told Ultra Magnus or one of the teachers what Elita and Sentinel were planning to do, before they did it.

*But instead he went along with it anyway, cause he was somewhat of a pushover back then.

*He also should’ve at least tried to find Elita’s body to give a proper funeral.

*But other then that, he’s the one least responsible for what happened compared to the other two.

*He told them that they shouldn’t go to the forbidden planet and he warned Elita not to use her download ability... but do either of them actually listen to him? Nope!

*And yes, Optimus did leave Elita behind while saving Sentinel from the final energon explosion, which was a messed up thing to do... But I understand why Optimus did it; the explosion was quickly approaching and there was no way that they would’ve been able to save Elita in time... If Optimus and Sentinel went down there with Elita, all 3 of them would’ve died in the explosion (at least that’s what Optimus believes, considering that Elita does survive)... Optimus knew this and was forced to make a choice that he wasn’t happy with making... When Optimus grabbed Sentinel and forced him to leave Elita behind to save themselves, it was honestly the most realistically heroic option...

*And yet it sometimes it feels like the show itself views Optimus as the one who was 90% in the wrong during that whole situation!

Don’t think Ultra Magnus is free from some blame:

*The guy is supposed to be the ruler of Cybertron and/or the ruler of the Autobots and yet he’s so stupid sometimes...

*He made Sentinel his literal second-in-command; no smart nor sane person would do this.

*Optimus is usually a goody-two-shoes, a rule follower (unless he feels that he needs to take action) and has the best grades in the academy and Sentinel was probably some kind of troublemaker... yet Ultra Magnus believes Optimus, when the younger Autobot lies that it was his idea to go to Archa 7?... Megatron treated Optimus with more respect then Ultra Magnus ever did, and Megatron was trying to kill Optimus!

And so, I end this post with one last little saying:

#optimus #elita #blackarachnia #sentinel #ultra magnus #transformers #transformers animated #tfa #bumblebee #prowl #bulkhead #ratchet #megatron #starscream #sari sumdac #isaac sumdac

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Take That!

Corpse Husband & Reader (Female) ft. Streamer Gang

Warnings: Mentions of Depression, Suppressed Sadness, Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: What is a friend? Your smile through the tears. The umbrella over your head when it starts raining. The ointment to your wound. But if you wanna put it in a more literal manner, a friend is something that doesn’t have a concrete definition. It can be the person you sit next to in class or the person who’s hundreds of miles away from you and you’re connected to through a Discord call.

Requested by Anon. Hello dear! Thank you so much for your request, sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post it but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read if you happen to come across the fic. Love, Vy ❤

There are those days when I wake up excited for a new day. There are also those days when the thought of playing Among Us with my friends is all that gets me out of bed. And then there are those days when not even that can get me to budge. Today is one of those days.

I’d still be in bed right now had I not needed to use the bathroom. On my way back to hide under my covers, I heard my cat’s meow from the kitchen, reminding me she needed to be fed. After tending to that task I just sort of lost will to return to bed either. Speaking truthfully, today is a will-less day. The type of day where I have no idea what to do with myself because I feel so odd and uncomfortable: heavy and bustling head, motivation below zero no matter whether I have zero tasks to tend to or a mountain high pile of work. It’s a laying on the floor and letting my mind eat away at me type of day and I can’t say I appreciate it.

The only thing I have to look forward to is the game of Among Us Corpse invited me to yesterday. Had I known I’d wake up feeling like absolute shit, I wouldn’t have accepted. I just know I’ll be a downer the whole time because I suck at covering up how I feel - my smiling masks and faux happiness don’t cut it but staying quiet is even worse because I’m typically and energetic and bubbly person, always having something to say or a comment to add to the conversation. Always looking to make people laugh.

Well, it’s hard to make people laugh when you feel like a deflated balloon.

I can’t describe the feeling any better than that - I feel empty, maybe a little sad somewhere in the mix, unmotivated. I keep these feelings to myself cause whenever I bring them up people just blow me off, saying I’m describing laziness but more dramatically. Either that or burnout which is sometimes the case, but I’m more than sure that it’s not the culprit for today. You can only blame burnout so many times.

Anyway, I make a mental note, promising myself I’m not gonna bail on my friends regardless of whether my mood gets better or worse. Who knows, maybe a gaming session with them is exactly what I need.

* * *

Not much has changed with my emotional state - I’ve spent a good chunk of the day surfing through TV channels and my socials with nothing else to occupy my mind but the overwhelming knowledge that I’m not feeling ok and that hyperawareness of a void that I feel but cannot describe. At one point, Corpse sent me a text to confirm I’d be participating in the gaming session and I was this close to saying no. This close to coming up with some bullshit excuse and bailing but I didn’t, thankfully.

Here’s the thing about this drop in mood of mine - I know it’s gonna be gone by morning. It bullies me, beats and batters me for only twenty four hours - never more, never less. Like clockwork and as precise as a Swiss watch. And so fucking annoying. No matter what I do, I can’t end it prematurely and I can never wake up feeling down and unmotivated the next morning - there’s always a surge of motivation coursing through me and it drives me to be super productive as if making up for what I didn’t do the previous day when I was in the dumps.

It’s a twisted way of it showing me I’m powerless and at the mercy of a force that, despite being mine and existing within me, I’m completely unfamiliar with. It’s so fucking unfair, it’s disheartening.

“Hi everyone! Sorry I’m late.“ I greet the five people who have already gathered in the Discord call and the Among Us lobby.

Yeah, sorry I’m late, I was contemplating not showing up at all last minute

“Don’t worry about it, many people are running late as you can see.“ Rae replies reassuringly, “How’s your day? Anything spectacular happen?“

I can’t help but scoff, “Yeah sure, a TON of spectacularism in my life on the daily. From the large stack of papers I couldn’t bring myself to touch, to the dusty surfaces all over my apartment I didn’t convince myself to clean - it’s all fabulous over here.”

Fuck, that was too real

“Whoa, where’d all this sarcasm come from?“ Rae asks, sounding genuinely baffled rather than teasing, “It’s never been your strong suit.“

“Neither has unproductivity.“ Corpse, my best friend, chimes in, “Everything ok?“

Well, I admit, I should’ve known better than to have an outburst like that in front of people who have known me for a while now and can probably gauge my emotions even without me admitting to them. I truly don’t know where it came from. Hell, I didn’t even see it coming.

“Nah, it’s ok. I’m just being lazy, I guess.” I’m quick to withdraw and brush off any suspicion. The last thing I want is to worry my friends or, even worse, receive the same response from them: that I’m being dramatic, that I’m attention-seeking, that I’m just lazy and unmotivated as are most people of my generation.

“You know, what people often self-diagnose as ‘laziness’ often turns out to be something more serious. I don’t mean to scare you, but it could be depression.“ Corpse says after a brief moment of silence in the call, his voice soft and cautious as if explaining a complex problem to a kid who’s bound to be hurt by what it’s told.

I can’t help but chuckle. He has no idea how much he’s relieved me by saying that. I always ‘don’t want to talk about it’ and ‘want to change the subject’ while what I truly need happens to be the complete opposite. I need someone to hear me out, I need someone who will not brush me and my concerns off like we don’t matter. I need someone who’ll understand. And if these people who have openly struggled with anxiety or depression don’t get me, who will?

“Yeah, I genuinely thought I thought of myself as a lowlife while I was in college cause I started losing motivation for everything and started fearing what was to come. I began avoiding going out and talking to people cause I felt like I was the sore thumb in the friend group I had - the only one without any specific goal or a dream.“ Leslie says out of the blue, “Turns out I suffered through a burnout so bad it turned into an anxiety/depression combo that I just blamed on being a lazy college student.“

“Same here!“ Toast pipes in, “I was bedridden for a while during the first days of my streaming career, for a very ridiculous reason - I believed I didn’t deserve the attention I was getting and I wasn’t doing as well as people gave me credit for. So that had me crippled with self-doubt for a long while.“

“I still don’t believe I’m doing as well as I get credit for, but oh well.“ Leslie laughs, “I already told you all about my dumpster-fire of a brain, so I’m instead gonna say: what you need is an appointment with a therapist. Also - you need to stop underestimating your struggles. Invalidating yourself and what you’re going through is gonna make things only worse for you. You need to love yourself.“

“And you need us!“ Rae exclaims, “You need the best support you can get and, lucky for you, we’re the best in the business. Count on us always being there for you, Y/N. Cause we always will be.“

“You’re never alone. We’re all just a call or a text away. Especially me.“ Corpse adds, “I’m basically at your service 24/7, just like you’ve always been for me. What are best friends for if not sharing mental struggles and lifting each other up afterwards?“

I don’t know when this smile made its home on my face but it seems to be rather happy with where it is and wants to stay. Something tells me that thanks to these guys, it will indeed stay there for quite some time. And every time it tries to slip away, they’ll be there to bring it back.

“Then let’s lift each other up, shall we? I mean, what better way to do it other than killing each other and getting away with it?“ I attempt a giggle, hiding my emotions behind it like my life depends on it. Chances are they heard all I’m feeling in my voice, but I can only hope they’re not gonna mention it.

“Y/N, hun, I’m sorry to burst your bubble but....you never get away with it.“ Corpse wheezes, causing me to narrow my eyes and frown.

“Oh, you’re so gonna get it now!“ I exclaim, cracking my knuckles before getting my hands on my keyboard, “Start the game! I have a point to prove!“

And just like that, in what felt like the blink of an eye, the clouds have shuffled aside to make path for the sunshine to grace my brain with positivity I was not expecting to feel until tomorrow morning. I can’t give myself the credit for that though - it all goes to these amazing people I have the honor of calling friends.

I may have no power over it on my own, but with the gang’s help, I can take full control of it. And as a middle finger to the melancholy, I’ll do it all with a bright smile on my face.

Take that, brain!

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

Text

A Deafened Bard (Stephen Strange x Female!Reader) pt. 2

Doctor Strange and y/n confide their tragic backstories in one another. Y/n struggles with her feelings for him.

Trigger warnings: abusive parenting, use of firearms, discussion of death and grief, mention of alcoholism

"On the outside, always looking in

Will I ever be more than I've always been?

Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass-"

You stopped yourself before you could indulgently belt out the titular lyric.

"Ew, why was I singing that?" You muttered to yourself. "I don't even like that song."

You knew, subconsciously, that it was because you were trying to avoid what you really wanted to sing. For the first time ever, you had an audience. Someone was paying attention.

"Love of my life, you've hurt me-"

"Oh, come on, butterfingers." He interrupted. "Love of my Life by Freddie Mercury. Give me something hard."

"I wasn't aware it was classic rock trivia night."

"Then why were you staring straight at me while singing?" He smirked.

"Was I?" You cocked your head, expertly deflecting his implication. "I'm so spaced out I don't even know where I'm looking."

"It's Freddie Mercury." He insisted.

"Uh, yes and no." You corrected, drawing on your encyclopedic knowledge of Queen from one particularly weird summer in high school. "While Freddie Mercury wrote the song, it was recorded on a Night at the Opera. Which was accredited to the whole band."

"That's a nitpick," he shook his head. "I'm still right."

You couldn't wear your heart on your sleeve anymore. You could only distract him with 70s glam rock trivia for so long before he started to notice a pattern. Although a sappy love song was in your heart, you sang the anthem of the depressed theater kid.

You were staring straight at him, though. But who wouldn't? You studied his features only for artistic inspiration. His sharp jaw and high, high cheekbones were… inspiring.

You couldn't lie to yourself. You fell and fell hard.

"Butterfingers!" Master Strange called out from the other side of the sanctum. "I need you!"

You dropped your pencil and pushed yourself out from the chair. "Coming!"

You followed the voice into his chambers. This was a new development, you thought. Out of respect for his privacy, you'd never dared to snoop around in his bedroom. But this was practically a written invitation.

The room was spotless. Not a book or a scrap of paper out of place. Nor was there much to look at at all. A handful of picture frames, some magazines from when he was a surgeon, all featuring himself on the cover.

"Butterfingers!" He called again, as if he knew you were about to snoop.

"I'm here!" You yelled back, eyes wandering around the room. "What do you need?"

"I left my watch somewhere in the library!" He sounded disproportionately panicked for what was just a minor inconvenience. "I need you to go get it for me."

"What does it look like?" You asked.

"It's a $27,000 watch." He snapped impatiently. "It looks like one."

"Jesus." You cursed.

"Don't give me that shit, [F/N]." He ordered, slamming his fist down against the sink. "Just do what you're goddamn told."

"Alright, alright!" You put your hands up. "Fine, I'll get it."

You hurried down the stairs and into the library. On the floor between his favorite chair and a stack of musty old books was a slim, silvery watch with a plain black band.

You picked it up and examined it. Apart from the price tag, was there really any reason for him to be so worried about it? He knew exactly where he left it. Did he have reason to believe it wouldn't be there when he returned?

All you needed to do was flip it over to get your answer. You read the inscription on the back.

Time will tell how much I love you -- Christine

You should have known that his massive ego wouldn’t keep the women away forever. Hell, it certainly didn’t deter you. Much uglier douchebags have gotten far prettier girlfriends than they deserved.

You closed your fingers around the watch and sighed. The fantasy you created for yourself, of slowly, deliberately earning his love was shattered. Christine already beat you to it, it seemed. You tried to smother the part of you that resented this person for her exclusive right to Master Strange's affections. You didn't know her, but you loathed her. And you felt filthy for it.

With a heavy heart, you brought the stupid, criminally expensive little timepiece back to its rightful owner.

"Here's your all-important watch, master." You mumbled, placing it on the bedside table.

"I know I told you I would give you space to question things," He said, swiping it from the table and expertly affixing it around his wrist. "But I'd really appreciate it if you didn't question this."

You tried to sound as non-passive-aggressive as you could. You attempted a more forgiving tone, but you couldn't hide your hurt. "It's fine. I don't care."

"I didn't mean to get short with you, [F/N]." His voice softened. "I'm sorry. But this watch-"

"It's fine." You cut him off, peering at the floor.

"It was a gift." He finished anyway.

You felt the lump in your throat rising. You knew what the watch represented and you wanted to smash it to pieces. Along with the sting of rejection, you felt the sting of tears in your eyes. "I know. I saw the engraving."

"She died two years ago." He lowered his head.

Suddenly, all your ill will towards this woman turned into guilt.

"I'm sorry to hear that." You said. "I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone who loved you so much."

"She had agreed to come to a speaking engagement with me. As a second chance, and-" Pain wrapped his voice. He closed his hand tightly around the watch and held it close to his chest. "Have you ever been in love before, [F/N]?"

From the way your heart ached, and how easily the thought of never being with him made you cry, you knew the answer. You'd been avoiding speaking it into being thus far, but you couldn't lie to yourself anymore.

"Yes." You whispered.

"You'll learn soon enough." He muttered. "It only brings more suffering."

The tears finally breached and you tried to blink them away. You didn't know what emotion was causing them: guilt, shame, contempt, anger, sadness-- they were all present.

"Master Strange, I-" you stuttered, tripping over your breath. "I respect what you've gone through, I really do, but it's not fair to take it out on me."

"You're right." He conceded. "I'm sorry. Please, go get some sleep.”

You nodded. “Right.”

You slept as late as you could get away with the next morning. In apprentice terms, that only meant sleeping until eight thirty. Your dailies could wait an extra hour while you laid in bed, feeling like garbage.

You stumbled down the spiral staircase in your pajamas. No bra, no makeup and no effort. You didn’t even run a brush through your hair. Why try, you thought. Why make an effort for the man who would never see you as anything but the help?

When you saw the piano, though, you did a full 180.

In the living area was a French cherry baby grand piano that definitely was not there before. You certainly would have noticed it before. You placed your phone on the counter and approached the new addition.

As if the memories were woven into the very muscles and ligaments of your fingers, you ran down a few octaves of C Major. The keys were smooth as porcelain and the sound that emanated from the instrument was next to heavenly.

A bright orange post-it note was stuck to the music rack.

“Love of my Life”, Queen, A Night at the Opera. 1975

Was this a request, or an admission of wrong? Whatever the case, it made you smile.

"You weren't being entirely honest with me, Butterfingers." He said, randomly materializing behind you.

You turned around on the piano bench and looked up at him. "What was I not honest about?"

"I'm so glad you asked." He sat down on the bench next to you, phone in hand. "Because when you said you used to play piano, you didn't specify you were actually a student prodigy."

Sure enough, on his phone, he was scrolling through your Instagram. Dozens of videos of a much younger [F/N] playing hundreds of different songs, singing with too many vocal runs and doing so with the entire content of her soul behind the music.

"Student prodigy is a bit strong." You turned your head to hide your blush.

He scrolled up and found a picture of a young, zit-faced teenage [F/N] holding an acceptance letter. "Last I checked, Juilliard doesn't give full-ride scholarships to just anyone."

You covered your face with your hands, smothering an embarrassed smile. "God, please. I'd rather you'd found my OnlyFans."

He raised his eyebrows. "As tempting as that sounds, I'd still rather hear your explanation on this. Why did you give up on something you loved?"

You looked at him in surprise. "You really want to know?"

"Well, I told you mine." He playfully nudged you in the side.

You took a deep breath in. "Well, it was about two years ago, now-”

"Cheers to you, [F/N]!" Your best friend Holly raised her glass of champagne in your direction. "Juilliard ain't gonna know what hit ‘em."

"I'll drink to that." You said, bring your own flute up to your lips and taking a swig. You wretched in disgust as the vile liquid ran down your throat. "Or maybe I won't."

"You're gonna have to get used to it." Holly nudged you with her elbow. "I think most professional musicians are alcoholics."

You narrowed your eyes at her. "I don't think that's right."

"Is too." She smirked. "Conductors are mad strict. Abusive even. Drive musicians to drink all the time."

You laughed. "Is everything you know about the world of music from Whiplash?"

"And The Perfection." She added.

"Thank you, Holly." You said, attempting to take another sip of champagne, purely for dramatic effect. "Very cool."

You felt a pair of hands on your shoulders. "Hi, Holly. Enjoying the party?"

Holly took a step back. "Hey, Mrs. [L/N]. Yeah, it's great."

"I hope you don't mind," Your mom said, her fake nice voice eeking through her clenched teeth. "I need to borrow [F/N] for a few minutes."

Holly's face fell. "Sure. I'll catch up with you later, [F/N]."

Your mother tugged you off to the side. With a stressed huff, she began. "Jason is out in the fields with his ROTC friends."

"And what do you want me to do about that?" You asked, knowing her drunk self couldn't read your sarcastic tone.

"Could you go get him and bring him home?" She said, squeezing your upper arm.

"Are you kidding?" You spat.

"[F/N], he's drunk." She scolded. "Do you want him to get another strike on his record?"

"I don't care." You mumbled under your breath. "Have him call an uber. Hell, let him sleep it off in the field. Not my problem."

"You know what he's like when he's drunk." She rationalized. "He gets rowdy. It had better be you."

You tensed up. "No. Holly and I are going to the French Quarter. I don't have time to babysit Jason."

"Just pick him up on your way there?" She pleaded. "It won't take long."

You knew this wasn't going to stop. "Fine, but this is the last time."

You were both dressed far too well to be trekking through the swampy ass nowhere when you should have been fucking your way through the French Quarter. Luckily for your evening plans, all you needed to do was follow the sound of gunshots.

You slammed the car door shut and Holly followed suit. Finding him was the easy part. The hard part was hauling his drunk ass back home.

"Fun's over, shithead." You announced, heels sinking into the sod as you spoke. You didn't have much trouble projecting over the gunfire and getting their attention.

"Shit, [F/N]?" Jason sputtered, so drunk he could barely keep his head straight.

"Holy shit, I didn't even recognize you in that dress." One of his dumb fuck friends added. He jabbed Jason in the side. "Why didn't you tell me your sister's hot?"

"Buster, I-'' You clenched your teeth. "I don't care if you live or die, but my mom needs me to bring Jason home."

"If you get in the car now, we won't have to use the chloroform." Holly added.

Jason scratched the back of his head with the barrel of his gun, then pointed it at you. "You're gonna have to make me."

"Jesus fucking Christ!" You exclaimed, hitting the deck. "What the fuck, Jason!?"

Jason and his dumbass friends laughed. "You should have seen the look on your face, [F/N]!"

"Put down the fucking gun-" You seethed. "And get in the fucking car."

He lowered the gun and looked like he was going to concede. Just when you thought he would cooperate, he stuck it up again. He keeled over in a fit of laughter when you and Holly panicked again.

"Look at them!" He shouted. "They're so fucking scared!"

You knew out in the middle of the swamp, nobody could hear you scream. So you used it to your advantage.

"Jason, you're going in the car, or under it." You raised your voice. "I will mow your drunk ass down like eight day old roadkill right here in this field and you will be LUCKY if anyone finds your bloated, shit-covered remains before the crocodiles get a whiff of you."

That seemed to get his attention.

"Sorry, boys." He pouted. "You heard her."

He had to 'get you' one final time, though. Only that time, the gun went off. Just centimeters from your ear. You clutched the side of your head, trying to drown out the deafening ringing with your screams.

You vaguely remembered Holly pistol-whipping Jason before loading you into the car to drive you to the hospital, leaving him desolate and drunk in the field.

"It was a one-in-a-million shot." The otolaryngologist tried not to sound impressed at what was clearly some kind of anomaly very few got to witness in a medical career. "When the bullet fired, the gunpowder traveled down your ear canal, burning the cells of your auditory nervous system and... singing your eardrum... clean off."

Your eyes widened. "Off?!"

The doctor lowered her head. "I'm sorry, Miss [L/N]. I'm afraid you'll never return to full hearing again."

You didn't want to kill the messenger. You knew she was only doing her job. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"If we could do a tympanoplasty, which, given the condition of the drum, is unlikely-" she began. "There would still be no way to fully repair the hair cells along the ear canal."

You took deep breaths to try and quell your simmering rage. "I'm leaving for Juilliard in three months."

"Hearing aid technology has improved significantly over the last decade." She said, a somewhat hopeful upturn in her voice.

That was when your mother decided to join in on the conversation. "Oh, we can't afford that."

You thought you were going to crush your teeth into bits from how tightly your jaw was clenched in fury. "Take it out of Jason's college fund, then."

"Oh, [F/N]." She said as if you had just told the funniest joke imaginable. "Please. That wouldn't be fair to Jason."

"You can afford to send that blithering idiot to the Citadel." You hissed. "You can afford to buy me a hearing aid so I can play piano."

"Beethoven was entirely deaf." Your mom pointed out. "And he became the greatest composer of all time. It's really just mind over matter, sweetie-"

"Sure, that makes perfect sense!" You plastered on a deranged smile, feeling driven to the brink of madness. "I can repair my destroyed eardrum with the power of positive thinking! Jason gets thirty-five thousand dollars a year to play soldier, but I have to just use my imagination."

She covered her face with her hands as if she was being attacked and went into kicked-puppy mode. "Don't be mad at Jason, [F/N]. He didn't mean to hurt you-"

"Fuck this." You said, releasing all your tension in those two words. "Fuck all of this. I'm tired of you defending that chauvinist asshole. The next time you see me will be when one of us is dead."

"Where are you going?!" She wailed.

You snatched your purse from the table and threw it over your shoulder. "I'm moving out."

“Disgraced at age nineteen?" Master Strange said, leaning back on the piano. "Let me guess, you turned to alcohol to cope?"

"You'd think, but actually no." You shook your head. The tone of the conversation had taken a sharp left turn from sadness to dry, apathetic amusement. "I probably would have if I could have afforded it."

"You missed out." He said. "Drinking a whole bottle of eighty year old scotch was definitely the highlight of my grieving period."

You'd never joined the clauses 'Master Strange' and 'drunk off his ass' in the same sentence before then. It was an odd mental picture for sure. One you needed to see to believe.

"I got desperate." You admitted. "Luckily, New Orleans had a lot to offer someone like me, so I didn't have to go far to find people claiming to have answers. But it was all essential oils, incense, binaural beats-"

"I'm sorry," he cut in. "What kind of dickhead suggests binaural beats to someone with only one functioning ear?"

You threw up your hands. "Right? Doesn't make sense. Anyway, I came across a woman named Mistress Fantina and she pointed me in the right direction. How to heal my body through control of my spirit."

He looked at you with that fascination of the human body characteristic of those in the medical field. "It worked, I assume?"

"I figured it out." You shrugged. "But I got so invested in the Mystic Arts that I forgot all about Juilliard. Became a full-time student. Ever since, I never once thought about returning to my old life."

"I suppose if I'd discovered this world because I had lost, say, my ability to perform surgery, it would be hard to leave it behind and return to the operating room." He thought out loud. Sighing, he closed his hand over his watch. "But no matter how medical science evolves, you can't reverse death."

You let the quiet linger for a moment.

#doctor strange #doctor strange x you #doctor strange x reader #stephen strange x reader #doctor stephen strange #stephen strange #dr stephen strange #stephen strange x you #what if #what if marvel #doctor strange supreme #tw guns #tw abusive parent

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seodami · 3 years

Text

Dearest treasure | KTH

Summary: Every kid in town was afraid of Kang Taehyun, the old -slightly creepy- man living alone for years and years in the same run down house. Every night he would go into his backyard with a shovel and dig a hole into the earth. No one knows why and there are kids rumouring about him burying people. Jungwon was a bright kid, wanting to find out the truth behind this widely spread rumour for a school project. And what he found out would change his life forever.

Genre: fluff, angst, flashbacks, story of life, snippets of life, tiny bit humour

Warning: old Taehyun, mention of death, mention of suicide/suicidal thoughts, death

Word count: 10152 (all 3 parts)

Pairing: Kang Taehyun x reader, (Yang Jungwon)

Note: Wow okay so this story took me a while to write and I listened to hours of das music to finish this🥺 this was honestly an emotional rollercoaster. But I’m so glad it’s finally finished so I can post it on here yayyy!!! I hope you like it an enjoooyy (please tell me if you cried I would really appreciate your responses haha bc I did)

Main masterlist

2089 (present)

Deathly silence hung in the air as thick as smog. In Jungwons eyes pooled tears, ready to spill over the edges to fall into free fall and drop heavily onto his trousers. His heart was burning, not finding any suitable words of comfort or understanding for the old man in front of him. His throat felt like it was tied up so tightly, he couldn’t breathe. Oh, how didn’t he know? Oh, how could anyone talk bad behind his back? So much hurt…

Mr. Kangs head hung low, not daring to make any other noice than his sniffling nose. Hot tear drops were silently dropping down, it felt suffocating just watching him so full of hurt and sorrow. Suddenly Jungwon felt sorry to let him relive his whole life together with the terrible pain even the young boy could feel.

“I- I…I never could…forgive myself. It was my fault-“ the once handsome mans face was dark and the wrinkles now seemingly even deeper full of regrets and unspoken words. “You wouldn’t understand, boy-“

Jungwon couldn’t form any appropriate words at that moment and let the sadness let him take away just for a little longer. His story was heavy… he felt like he just heard something he shouldn’t have heard. Something so private and fragile. It had touched him more than he had thought.

“I didn’t want to live anymore… it was all worthless since then… I had no motivation to keep going.” His voice became a tad more stable, yet still quiet and weak. His tired eyes met the innocent boys and for a second the old man could see his younger self inside his big brown eyes. Sadness and nostalgia rolled over him and he averted his gaze.

“I tried ending my life many times since that day- it never worked no matter how much I wanted it… and then I just…I just mouldered…alone, broken- and just a shell of my old self. I wasn’t the once happy, bright, clever boy anymore. I could never be that again…”

Jungwons heart felt heavy, breathing wasn’t bearable. His hands unconsciously reached forward to the tiny lost figure sitting in his sunken mould. It was a simple touch but for Mr. Kang it was the first reassuring and comforting gesture he had received in a long long time. It made him tear up stronger, still staying silent. The young boy wanted to be there for the old man. He wanted to show him that he wasn’t alone in this.

Moments of depressing, yet healing silence passed, just the ticking of the old clock in the dark living room was heard. “I’m so sorry Mr. Kang…” Jungwon finally whispered, unsure if the man spoken to even heard it. He couldn’t do much but be there in this moment. Quite honestly he felt like crying himself. But he wanted to stay strong for him.

“One day-“ Mr. Kangs voice shook a little but he kept talking. “-I remembered the time capsule. My dearest treasure. So long ago. And I made it my life mission to find it. One last moment to hold onto and…look back to.” A thick single tear slowly rolled down Jungwons cheek. So that was it. That’s why… and everyone had dragged the vulnerable man down, putting even more dirt into his deep wounds.

“I-I searched everywhere. But…but i just…forgot. It’s my last wish before I finish this…” life he wanted to say. Finish his life. It made the school boy unbelievable sad. Oh how much he must’ve suffered his whole life. And before Jungwon could’ve decided differently, a strong feeling of wanting to help and support creeped up to him.

“I’m gonna help you Mr. Kang. We will find your treasure.” Jungwon reassuringly took the heavy, wrinkled hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. It was the first time since that day, that he felt hope again. Just a tiny tiny splinter but it was there. Hope.

The next hours, both of the males digged holes through the whole garden, not saving any sweat, too focused on finding the mans greatest desire. Mr. Kang had already reached his limit after three holes, following with the 14 year old boy leading him towards an old wooden garden bench to rest on. Jungwon on the other hand was full of verve and energy to fulfill his dearest wish. To find his dearest treasure. Mr. Kang watched him with surprise and thankfulness, never had anyone gone all the way out to help him with something so important to him. There was never someone who he could’ve went to. After that day, he had broken off all the contact with his old friends. He wanted to feel alone at some point. He deserved the pain. That’s what he had always told himself. But now he was old and weak and just wanted nothing more than to be finally reunited with his beloved family. He missed you everyday. He heard his daughters laughters everyday. And he saw his son running around outside in the garden everyday. He finally wanted to be with his family everyday.

It had already gotten dark and cold at this point, Mr. Kang had brought the hard working boy a jacket and a warm tea. The sun was already long gone, just the small lights from the veranda and from the street shined over towards them. Jungwon was still digging, his once tidy school clothes now full of dirt and dust and drenched in sweat. He couldn’t give up. He knew that. So he kept digging and digging. The moon was fondly watching at the pair below, shining just a tad brighter tonight for them. Short friendly small talk about school went quickly over to heartfelt conversations about life and this and that. Nobody, not even the moon, would’ve thought that the bitter, lonely 87 year old Taehyun and the bright, cheerful 14 year old Jungwon would’ve ever even crossed paths, yet life showed again how unpredictable and full of surprises it could be. This night, a tight bond between the two men was woven. So unexpected but yet so lovely.

The clock already told them it was 6 minutes before midnight when another noice cut through the silent night air. A metallic sound. Gasping, Jungwon threw the shovel away, excitement now rushing through his veins. He fell onto his knees, not caring about the moist soil on his trousers. His hands digged through the last part, brown earth now sticking behind his nails, and moments later, he pulled out a medium sized metal box, securely wrapped in plastic. Jungwon felt like he just won the Olympics, he felt like he did it. He did it…

A quick gaze onto the bench showed him the sleeping old man, now seeming even tinier than before. With shaky steps and a weird feeling of proudness and fulfilment, Jungwon waddled over to the sleeping form, gently waking him up. The box in his hands was tightly in his grasp, not letting go. Mr. Kangs heavy lidded eyes flew open in an instant when he saw the metal box in the boys arms. Tears burned in his thankful eyes, reaching towards it with shaking arms. Everything felt heavy, yet his heart felt the lightest it had felt in a long long time.

“Thank you…so much.” Tears were now unstoppable rolling down his cheeks. It squeezed Jungwons heart, knowing he could make this man happy again, fulfilling his last wish. The both of them moved up to the house again, warmth engulfing them with its now familiar scent. Comfort. The old man reassured the boy to stay but seeing the box being opened, Jungwon felt as if he got to see something way too private. But he stayed, looking over the sniffling mans shoulder when he pulled out a small pink toy dolphin. His hands were shaking. “This was my daughters. It was her favorite toy when she was…two years old.”

Taehyuns heart clenched, seeing all his treasures in front of him. He desperately pressed the small toy against his chest, letting all his emotions in. It was intense, yet it was all he ever wanted. Seeing the familiar drawings of a green giraffe, sitting on a cloud with a family next to it. He could read all their names above the figures. Oh Taehee…

Looking through the photographs, old memories surfaced and made the man tear up even heavier. He didn’t knew how much he really had missed them. It was as if his empty shell was slowly filled again, reliving all of your best and worst moments. He saw a picture on his old friends Hueningkais 18th birthday. All of his friends were there, cake smeared all across your faces, the brightest smiles someone could ever see. The day he had first met you… Another picture had all of your friends sitting around a small bonfire, being cuddled inside blankets. Taehyun saw his younger handsome self smiling unsure into the camera with you sitting beside him. He could only laugh sadly at the memories of your camping trip where he first had kissed you, the guilty feeling just as clear.

“She looks so happy here…” Taehyun noticed with a testy smile, gently touching your face on the picture, seeing you and him laying on a bed, arms tightly slung around your frame, as you held the camera. His large eyes showed nothing but the purest form of love as he looked over to you. Oh he was such a lovesick fool. “You were a pretty couple…” Jungwon whispered, glancing over the handsome young man and the pretty women. He wished to find someone in his life later, he could look at with just as much love as he did. Taehyun nodded, pulling out the next photo. It was the two of you kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, big smiles on both of your faces. Taehyun remembered, it was when he courageously decided to fly around half the globe to you to fix your relationship. He didn’t want to give you up, thank god he didn’t. Another photograph showed you holding your first ultrasound picture, tears streaming down your face. You were both so young and already on the way to becoming parents. It was scary, yes it was one of the most scary moments in life but it was all worth it. The next picture showed you in the hospital bed, looking weak, yet happy. Taehyun was kneeing down next to you, his gaze focused on you and the tiny newborn baby in four arms. A tear dropped down onto the photo but he quickly wiped it away. “Our little Taehee…”

The next picture showed a kissing couple dressed in a gorgeous white dress and a neat black suit. The priest between them was smiling fondly at the newlywed couple. On another one he could see the couple dancing in midst of their guests, white petals laying all over the place. Taehyun sobbed, holding a hand over his mouth. Jungwons hand reassuringly squeezed his shoulder. He was there for him. Taehyuns and your parents were dancing next to you, he could see his friend Yeonjun and Beomgyu dancing with each other playfully and many more of their closest circle. It had been so long. And he missed it. It was such a happy memory.

There were other photographs with you being pregnant, both of your baby pictures, your friends and your parents and a ton of little Taehee running around bubbly in her adorable dresses and overalls. Taehyun hadn’t seen these pictures in a while and it tore his heart into a million pieces. The last picture was inside your new house, the house he never could bring over him to leave. You were all sitting on the carpet, smiling into the camera. The little baby boy snuggling closer in his blanket and the girl pressing a soft kiss onto his tiny head. Taehyuns arms were slung around your frame, head laying on your shoulder relaxing. They were so happy. So happy.

He pulled out an edition of your favorite book with a hand written text inside: ‘For Taehee and Taejun- may they find wisdom and happiness in their long lives. From mum and dad’ Taehyun remembered. Oh he remembered everything. You two would always read this book together since your honeymoon, where you discovered it in one of the local bookstores. Since then it had always be your favorite book. And it hurt him seeing his children never got to read it. Their future was just robbed because of one moment. It was unfair. Why did he get to live when they couldn’t? He never understood.

The last thing Taehyun pulled out of the box was the pink letter littered with dozen of glitter stickers. ‘To my love’ stood on top of it in your cursive handwriting. He gulped, knowing exactly this was made for him personally. It was the letter he dreaded reading. The moment he waited for. The reason he wanted to find this box in the first place. His love. Jungwon stood stiff and still next to him, not daring to say a word. With shaking fingers, he carefully opened the envelope without tearing it. He could immediately recognise your pretty handwriting and already teared up when he read over the first sentence. ‘To my dear love Taehyun, whom I always love’ with another nod, he dared reading through the heartfelt letter.

‘So this is where life led us, what? To be quite honest with you, my 17 year old me would’ve never thought about marrying the handsome boy from Hueningkais birthday party, let alone have his children and buy our first house together. Life went wild with us, am I right Tae? But I regret nothing. Not even when I stole your favorite hoodie out of your closet without you knowing. Everyone was so done with my reckless personality and I often felt misunderstood in my younger days as you know. But you just always seemed to just see the best in me. Even when I felt like giving it all up. You were always there for me. And you were the only one to fully understand and accept me how I am. This is something I never told you in person but I can’t remember how life was without you before. In my mind, you were always there and I know that you will always be there for our family in our long future. I hope when you read this, we are both still happily married, watching our children and grandchildren laugh about all our ridiculous photos inside this box. And Taehee, oh she must be so happy to see her favorite toy again haha. Taehyun, you are my best friend, my first love, my first heartache, my true soulmate and the best husband in the whole world. You are and will always be my love, no matter how time will turn our lives around. We are always together. I love you always,

Your dearest wife Y/N

(P.S. don’t worry about getting old, you are still my handsome prince I fell in love with!)’

At this point, Taehyun was a sobbing mess, not caring what the young boy might think of him. This letter had touched his soul, his deepest heart. He felt every word you’ve written just as if it was you whispering each of them into his ear. He never felt the urge that strong before to be by your side, hug you, kiss you all over your face, tell you how beautiful you were and whisper how much he loved you and would forever. His life made sense only with his family by his side. There was nothing left to live anymore for Taehyun. And he knew that for a long time already.

Jungwon in this moment didn’t knew what to do anymore. He felt like he had fulfilled his mission, making the old man happy for a last time. With quiet steps, he took his video camera, he totally had forgotten and put it in his backpack laying on the floor abandoned. It was his sign to leave, let the man dwell in his emotions and memories. He was done here. With careful steps he went closer to the sobbing man again, softly putting his hand on his shoulder. He looked up as if he knew what the boy was about to say.

A small smile was on his wrinkled lips, clenching on the boys heart. He weakly pushed himself up just to pull the sweaty, in dirt covered student into a warm embrace. It was the first hug since ages it felt like. The hug remembered Jungwon of his own grandmother and tears stuck in his throat. He missed her. “Thank you so much, Jungwon. You are a wonderful kid. You’ve fulfilled my dearest wish. I will forever be thankful to you. May you be blessed forever. You were the only one willing to listen. Thank you.” Jungwon nodded in his shoulder, trying not to burst into tears on the spot but failed nevertheless in the end. He was so glad seeing the happy man in front of him, now seeming even younger than before. The deep sunken eyes didn’t seem frightening anymore. They were warm and welcoming. He could see sparkles of youth inside them. Yes, Jungwon did the right thing.

When the clock showed sharply half an hour past midnight, Jungwon bid his farewell to the man, he weirdly would consider his friend now, knowing he could sleep well tonight. Taehyun insisted on him keeping the jacket he gave him as well as one of the pictures inside the box for his school project and as a token of gratitude. On his quiet walk back home, he smiled endearingly down to the old photograph he carefully held in his hand. It was the last picture. Where the family of four smiled happily into the camera, sitting onto the fluffy rug Jungwon recognised now. He would treasure this picture forever. It was a generous gift, knowing how important it had been to Mr. Kang. He was so thankful.

The next day, Jungwon excitedly presented his project in class. Even though his mother yelled at him concerned where he was until this late, he managed to edit the video for his project, tearing up in the process but still felt motivated to keep going. It was important that he made this his best project. Not for him or his grade, no, it was for Mr. Kang. He was determined to change everyone’s horrible opinion about the old man.

It was eye opening for everyone. Even Park Jongsong, the scary older student, couldn’t come up with a counter attack and stared wide eyed at the screen in front of the class. It was freeing, knowing that just a bit of courage and kindness could lead you to such wonderful moments. He changed everyone’s opinion about ‘Killer Kang’. And he managed to make an old sad man happy again.

After school, the kind student hurried over to Mr. Kangs house. In bright daylight, the garden looked like a battlefield with tons and tons of freshly digged soil laying all around. Now with a much happier feeling, Jungwon crossed the chaotic lawn, knocking energetically onto the old wodden door. After a while he still hadn’t heard any steps so he tried knocking again. “Mr. Kang? It’s Jungwon. I wanted to show you the finished project. It went amazing.” The boy excitedly bounced on the balls of his feet, too giddy to stand still. There was still no answer, so Jungwon made his way towards the backyard, now being familiar with every inch. He had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomache.

And when he saw the open veranda, the old man sitting in his mould on the old couch, Jungwon let out a relieved breath. With careful steps not to step inside one of the many holes in the ground, he made its way over to Mr. Kang, not without knocking on the wall outside. Still no answer. Maybe he hasn’t heard it or he was sleeping. Jungwon waddled over to the familiar couch, seeing Mr. Kang sitting in his usual spot with his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful, Jungwon first thought the old man was sleeping tightly. Yet when there was still no answers or reactions from his side and when he noticed there was no movement of his upper body, he understood…

Mr. Kang passed away last night. Tears welled up in Jungwons eyes and he heavily let them flow when he saw all the contents of the metallic box scattered around the small desk in front of him. The photos, sorted into time accuracy, the book untouched, the adorable drawings of his young daughter, the green giraffe smiling cheekily at him. The pink letter was open and the neat handwriting was still the same as yesterday. And in Mr. Kangs hands, layed the pink toy dolphin.

Jungwon went onto his knees beside him on the fluffy carpet, letting his hot tears fall freely without restrictions. He may had lost a friend today but he knew deep down, the old kind man was happily reunited with his family. He had gained everything he lost. And for that…how could Jungwon still be sad?

For now and forever, the courageous 14 year old boy, who acted righteous and kind, carried Kang Taehyuns life story out into the wide world, spread his last words so no one would forget the once mysterious man everyone feared to look at. Kang Taehyun, a man who got everything he wished for and then got it taken away from him. A man, who loved dearly. A man, whose story would never be forgotten.

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bakugouisabitch · 3 years

Note

nono, i care about your very specific highschool au. rant about it please.

dgslsjs omg youu 🥺

well if you insist.... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

okay, i once had a discord group which i miss sm rip where i shared some ideas from that AU so i’m basically gonna repeat them here now shsjs under the read more 👇

this AU includes both Maliks as siblings (+ Isis and Rishid ofc) and both Bakuras as siblings too. The two Yamis are the elder brothers of the non-Yamis so they also have their own name ofc.

For Yami Malik I’d go with Amir cause the name is beautiful and fits him somehow (it means ‘prince’ or ‘chief’). This AU is literally so self-indulgent where I can finally write Amir just how I picture him in my head as the funny himbo he is, who makes some creepy jokes at times but is generally a nice guy and is just constantly stoned sdfgskh

For Yami Bakura i haven’t thought of a name yet 🙃 He’s low key the protag and I still don’t have a name for him 👏 good work, Ziggy 👏 I was thinking about something that makes his initials still be YB so a name with Y actually (Yamato maybe ?) Everyone calls him Bakura/Bakura-kun anway and they mostly call Ryou “the little Bakura”/Bakura-chan (affectionately) since he is the little brother ahsksfsj

In this AU Amir and YB are like really close friends. They are classmates in their last year together and they are known for being trouble makers. But not just like Honda and Jounouchi in the anime - they are worse than that. They have risked being expelled many times and smoke on the school’s rooftops and even hang out with older guys who sell illegal shit and such (it’d be tw for drugs ofc). OH and lots of spray painting on public places 👊 They are really best buds and bonded over same interests and music taste and same hate for the society and family and such. This fanart was a major inspiration to write these two as high school best buddies.

Also, I did a quick redraw of the typical anime boys sleeping in the classroom pose with these two. That’s them:

(might finish it one day and post it seperately idk my motivation is swinging lately 🤷)

All their “criminal” behaviour ofc stems from a sad background/past because i’m just a sucker for angst and i keep making my boys suffer 😔 i’m sorry. Every guy in this AU has daddy issues or just family issues in general

YB is VERY overprotective over his little brother Ryou (who’s just two years younger than him, and just like Malik, starts his first high school year in Domino High School). He is literally responsible for raising him up because ever since they lost their mother and Amane (Ryou’s twin sister) at a very young age their father fell into a very deep depression and he’s constantly away “for work” and just generally neglects his two remaining sons. YB hates their father because of that so he has taken it as his own responsibility to make sure Ryou is always safe and protected and acts like the parent in their home (where there is usually just the two of them). Also, another self indulgent thing here: YB being an ass with everyone except for being an overprotective good big brother for Ryou 🥺 please! so cute!! (They ride a bike together on their way to school like this fanart)

The Ishtar’s parents are both dead. Their mother died when giving birth to the youngest one (Malik) and their father died under very tragic circumstances (still gotta think how 🤔 it definitely wasn’t Amir tho’) and they used to have a very abusive household thus why Amir HATES their dad. Contrary to Malik, who keeps saying he deserved a second chance and was a good father and wishes he could have made him proud ~ this always makes Amir and Malik fight amongst other things and this is what also bonds Amir and YB so much: the hate for their old man.

It would be a very psychological AU that deals with a lot of issues and shit and traumas the boys have to live with + adding all the typical teenage angst at that age so it’s CHAOS. and I’d also have the perfect soundtrack/playlist for it 💆‍♀️ (it would be set in the 90s)

Ofc it’d be bakumali because I can’t help myself (and maybe also Ryou x Amir as a side pairing 👀)

Since it’s Malik’s first year in domino high school he wants to be recognised as one of the “cool kids” and befriend the older boys from the class. he just hates it that his big brother (Amir) is always there as well. Compared to the Bakuras these two have much more of a turbulent kind of relationship going on as siblings, where they constantly fight and Amir says Malik “ruined” the family whenever their fights get harsher and Malik says father never loved him anyway. Isis and Rishid try to keep the family and the boys under control as young adults but it’s hard 😔

YB visits the Ishtars sometimes to hang out with Amir in his room where they listen to music, smoke weed, and play PS and such and this is when Malik “spies” on YB. he thinks his big brother’s friend looks so cool with his ripped jeans and eyeliner and black nail polish. One night YB and Amir are smoking weed in Amir’s room and playing PS when Malik would use the chance. He’d piss Amir off and tell him it’s his turn to take the trash out on purpose to make him leave his room. Ofc Amir says no but then Malik “threatens” him with “I will tell sister you smoke weed if you don’t take the trash out”. And so Amir leaves (slamming the door behind him like an unruly teenager and saying he’s gonna kill Malik) and leaves a stoned YB alone in his room. And this is when Malik uses the chance to be alone with a very confused and very stoned YB who wonders why Amir’s little brother seems to be so interested in him sdfghjkl and yea this is basically their first encounter.

Malik has basically a kind of obvious “fangirl crush” for YB but the latter is so confused why and what he even sees in him. Because for him there’s nothing “cool” in skipping school and breaking the rules, it’s just the only thing he knows. But for Malik this is the coolest shit he’s ever seen.

this little sketch i made kinda shows my idea for their relationship in this AU better sdfghjk:

Malik befriends Ryou (who is in his same class and school year) out of convenience ofc cause he wants to get closer to YB. Yes Malik is a lil bitch in this AU. And Ryou is like extremely nice and polite, he’s the weird silent kid who doesn’t have a lot of friends and lives in his own world. He falls victim to bullies a lot and YB also keeps that rough facade to make sure no one messes with him. Ryou befriends Malik and tries to answer all of the weird, intimate questions he has of his big brother...

One night I, like, imagined a scenario where Amir and YB are out spray-painting a wall behind the station with some other thugs and Malik and Ryou followed them secretly (it was all Malik’s plan) even if Ryou was totally contrary to the idea. Once they see the guys have drugs and alcohol Ryou wants to leave, but Malik says this is exactly what makes it exciting and joins them without warning. When Amir and YB see Malik they panic, wondering what he is doing here. Amir gets particularly pissed off and wants to just leave. ofc YB tells him he can’t just leave his young brother alone in a place like this with people like that. But Amir ignores him (and this will lead to one of the first big fights between the two best buddies 😔 they will punch each other. I told you it will have a lot of angst)

Anyway at the end Amir leaves and YB is decent enough to bring both Ryou and Malik home but then Malik insits on wanting to crash at their place. So YB is like “i guess??” And they spend the night together at the Bakura’s place :) YB takes the couch and leaves his bed for Malik to sleep in but Malik will have none of that ofc sgksksj

Okay sorry for boring you, I could go on forever with so many scenarios of this AU or like actually sit down and write it... and yea.. that’s it.... just angsty and misunderstood boys in a shitty society with shitty parents trying to find a sense with their lives 🥺

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