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outro-jo · 1 year

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seventeen and who’s taking the couch

pairing: seventeen members x reader (gender neutral)

type: scenario

summary: how the seventeen members deal with arguments and who’s taking the couch when things get too heated

warnings: mentions of arguing

masterlist | info

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scoups- he’s taking the couch. he doesn’t want you to wake up sore so he relents. you make it up to him by making him breakfast though and giving him a massage

jeonghan- simply does not let you but he’s not taking the couch either. he knows how you are anyways. you stay up the whole night, tossing and turning going through every detail of the argument until you can come to a conclusion. but he also can’t sleep without you so he has you sleep with him and vent while he dozes in and out of consciousness

joshua- mr. gentle sexy is not letting you take the couch. period. he actually doesn’t mind the couch and he’s more than willing to give you your space if you need it to sort things out in your mind. if you decide to make up before the sun comes up, he leaves that up to you and he’s very willing to make up. however, if you don’t, he’ll rest through the night and be happy to continue the conversation the next day when you’ve had more time to reflect on everything.

jun- kinda hurt when you say you’re taking the couch. even in the heat of the argument, when the words leave your lips, he pauses for a second. he hoped that the two of you could have some sort of resolve by now or at least be ok enough so that you could still sleep next to each other. he’s upset with himself that he let things get this far. he’s ultimately the one who takes the couch bc he still cares for you.

hoshi- doesn’t get to the point where you take the couch. well, it does but as soon as you say you’re sleeping on the couch you expect a “good!” “good!” “fine!” “fine!” sort of thing but he immediately snaps out of it. “wait… you don’t wanna sleep with me?” with big ol’ eyes and a pout. he start apologizing for getting you upset and asking if you guys can have the night to rest and think things over but he doesn’t wanna sleep without cuddles. the reaction softens you as well and you agree.

wonwoo- doesn’t say much but he takes the couch. he knows you need your space and respects that. the first to apologize in the morning and wants to hear you out bc he spent all night replaying what you said.

woozi- takes the couch… in his studio. he stormed out during the fight bc he needed to clear his head so he left. i can see him being real stubborn so it takes a day for him to work though things (if he doesn’t just start working) and one of the boys for them to help talk things out. he comes home with flowers and an embarrassed, mumbled apology ready to hear what you have to say now.

dk- another one that won’t let you take the couch not matter how upset he is. as soon as you say it, he’s shooting it down and telling you to go rest in your bed. he can’t sleep at all though. you wake up the next morning to a pair of dark circles and a sincere apology.

mingyu- he gets pretty heated too and knows how stubborn you are so he lets you. he starts feeling bad in the big empty bed so when he goes to check on you and finds you asleep, he carries you back to bed with him. you find yourself in his arms the next morning with soft apologies whispered between kisses.

the8- he convinces you to share the bed with him. he thinks that this argument isn’t worth you two being so mad and stubborn that you can’t rest comfortably. he agrees that you two should stay on your respective sides of the bed staring at opposite walls. he really knows that either one or both of you will end up rolling over and apologizing before the sun even rises.

seungkwan- 1000% let’s you. “I’M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH!” “GOOD! FINE WITH ME! GOODNIGHT!” and slams the door behind him. but at around two am he starts feeling bad and comes out of the bedroom. “jagiya~~?” you two end up talking it through for the rest of the night.

vernon- will not let it get that far. he very rarely gets heated in arguments especially when it comes to you but he respects your feelings and let you yell as much as you want. he sits calmly and takes in what you have to say before responding. he’ll also call you out when you get too emotional and start turning on him. he lets you get it all out and when you’ve exhausted yourself, he’ll hold out his arms to take you to bed

dino- doesn’t let you unless you’re SO stubborn about it. if you take the couch, he comes out there when you’re sleeping and sleeps on the floor next to you to be near you. if he ends up talking you into letting him take the couch, you end up coming out there to cuddle and make up. you both end up on the couch together.

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liveontelevision · 2 months

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Who Wants Pancakes?

@alcoris-shiz requested some Radioapple stuff and i hope this is okay 😬 I haven't written for any ships yet, so this is my first shot at that 🎉

18+ Smut-ish, Mentions of Blood

♡♡♡

Lucifer didn't think the proximity would become a problem, I mean, he purposely made his office as far from that damned radio demon as possible and it still wasn't enough of a buffer to keep him off his ass. Still, other than having an occasional argument or just hearing some insulting mutters in passing, it wasn't all bad. The hotel was finally picking up and getting some residents, and he did make a promise to lend a hand where possible.

Something Charlie suggested early on was weekly hotel staff breakfasts. It was a fond memory, though a distant one, to have a hot plate of pancakes with her parents, so she was quick to suggest Lucifer start making them one day of the week for everyone to enjoy. Unfortunately, that does include Alastor. He agreed with delight, willing to do anything for his dearest daughter even with the slightest hesitance.

After a few weeks, it actually became something Lucifer looked forward to. Sure, he had to deal with the more extreme personalities of some of the staff, but it's been quite a while since he cooked and he was glad to get the chance to enjoy it with Charlie, again. Alastor had actually never joined this routine, which he had to admit, sent a stir of emotions to Lucifer's head.

Was he too pompous to even accept pancakes? What could that damned fool be doing that was so important, he couldn't sit down for a mere hour? Should he consider trying different recipes? He knows Alastor is a cannibal, but there had to be some exceptions.. But why should he care?

He often embarrassed himself by entertaining the idea of trying to satisfy him in any way.

"Who's ready for pancakes?" Lucifer pushes the kitchen door open with his back, his arms stacked with plates upon plates of freshly made pancakes as he sang out the phrase with a smile. An audible hum emerged from each of the staff members seated at the table, the scent filling the room. He skillfully slid the plates free of his arms and lined them up on the table before snapping his fingers and allowing each plate to portal in front of the hungry demons. He actually spent these past few weeks learning about who likes what; Angel loved having whipped cream decorating his plate, Husk was a fan of honey baked into his, and Niffty's always looked like an icecream sundae with the amount of toppings she'd want. A classic syrup drizzled plate appeared at the head of the table, a seat fit for a king. So, when Lucifer wiped his hands clean of any baking reminents that might have been stuck on, he was struck with disbelief to a devilish smile meeting him, seated at the head of the table. At his seat.

"Well! What a pleasant surprise! I'm so glad to see you could finally join us!" Lucifer's chipper demeanor wavered as he spoke through his clenched teeth. Alastor slowly slid Lucifer's plate across the table to be in front of the seat next to his, a chair that was always left open, in the hopes that a certain demon would join. Well, here he is.

"Good morning! I've found myself with a bit of free time this morning, so I thought i'd kindly grace you all with my presence. I'm sure you've all been missing me this past few weeks, I do apologize for any worry i may have caused." Alastor smiles brightly, completely ignoring the fuming angel who sat down hard in the only available chair. Charlie was quick to reassure Alastor, simply stating that she's glad to see him and how she's just happy to see him join breakfast. But Lucifer was clearly not entertained by that answer, since it's simply just not true. Lucifer let's out a crood fake laugh before picking up his knife with a white knuckled fist.

"What, am I to simply watch everyone enjoy their breakfast? Am I to pick through the trash for my food? How crude!" Alastor puts on a woe-is-me fit, raising his arm to fain over his head in a fainting motion. Charlie loudly cleared her throat to gain her father's attention, then nudged her eyes in Alastor's direction before holding her hands together in a pleading motion. How can he say no to those puppy dog eyes? He can't, unfortunately. With a dramatic dropping of his utensils, Lucifer huffed his way into the kitchen, tying his already dirtied apron back around his waist.

Mumbling some angry profanities about a certain deer demon, he listened to the muffled conversations and laughs that went on right beyond the door. As he began to mix the batter, he heard the door swing open.

"I appreciate your work, Your Highness, but I am especially particular about my food. I'm sure you wouldn't mind me watching your methods, hmm?" Without any answer, the radio demon took a seat at the island across the counter, crossing his slender legs and propping his head up with his hands. Lucifer let out a quiet, "Oh Brother -" before quickening his pace with the whisk. "Now now! Don't let that frightful scrowl ruin my pancakes. I keep hearing of their excellence and I expect just that." He tuned in, his smile only becoming increasingly petty.

This went on the entire time. Lucifer made his pancakes with a scowl, his eye twitching at every little note or critique that came out in Alastor's staticky tone. Afterward, he was finally able to join his daughter for breakfast. Even if his plate had gotten cold, and everyone was essentially done with their own food, he made it a point smile and acted as if he didn't waste his morning on this red-headed prick. Lucifer began to clean up the table, with some help, but he surely didn't mind when Charlie had to take everyone to the lobby for an exercise that was supposed to start sooner than earlier. The worst part? The plate made fresh for Alastor sat perfectly untouched.

"Oh, come on! That fucking piece of ... " Lucifer grumbled, essentially cleaning up everything but that plate, simply too angered to look at it. He brought the dishes to the kitchen, plopping them into the sink. He set his ring to the side as he washed the dishes, humming a tune to calm his previous rage. Menial tasks always did help with that. A static song overwhelmed Lucifer's humming, snapping him out of his little trance and making him whip his head around, to see an all too close radio demon, holding his untouched pancakes in front of him. Lucifer groaned and rolled his eyes before returning to the dishes.

"Oh wow. So! Are you here to help me clean or make fun of how I do the dishes? Either way, I don't need it. Do me a favor and fuck off." Losing his cool for a moment, his final statement come out as a gravelly growl. Alastor let out a despicable cackle, placing the plate down next to the sink, having to lean over Lucifer to do so. Lucifer scoffed when he felt his back lightly brush the other's Torso, attempting to keep a blush from running across his face.

"Why no, good sir! I don't intend to help one bit, not to worry. I simply enjoy seeing a powerful king, such as yourself, acting as a meeger housewife." His voice was far too close to Lucifer's ear, a chill running up his spine as he felt his hot breath against the side of his cheek. In his best attempts to keep his cool, he stood rigged for a moment before continuing to scrub a plate that was already spotless.

"Don't forget your place, good sir - " he spoke in a mocking tone," - I could kill you with a snap of my fingers." He spat out, his face still not visible to the demon towering over him.

"Oh, I don't doubt it! Well, I won't interrupt you again, I am here to simply enjoy the view, as I said before." As he stepped away to sit back into a bar stool, a hushed static ran over Lucifer's body. His eye twitched as he continued to clean his dishes, hoping that ignorance would make him lose interest and find something better to do. It didn't

Alastor's eyes boar into his back the entire time. After a hasty clean-up, Lucifer was quick to set aside his apron and dust off his vest and sleeves to get the hell out of the room. The white noise of static was becoming unbearable. After letting out a sigh of relief, Lucifer blindly went to pick up his wedding band, his hand reaching out and meeting nothing but empty counter space. He began to panic, looking around frantically, patting down his pockets, even reaching into the sink.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck - " In the nervous state, he took no time to look back to Alastor, if he did, he'd be greeted with his smile growing impossibly wider.

"Missing something, your highness?" Alastor said with an innocent tone, batting his eyelashes at the king. Lucifer whipped his head around and slammed his fists on the counter in front of him, cracking the marble.

"What the fuck did you do?" His devil features were quick to sprout, starting with his tail that stuck straight up like a cat in distress, the tip just barely flicking. Alastor could feel the heat of the small flame that sparked at Lucifer's crown, sitting right between his lengthy horns that tore through his flesh. His eyes squinted with a terrifying red glow, completely enraged at Alastor's unphased expression.

"Oh, dear! Could you possibly be looking for this?" Alastor wiggled his hand in front of Lucifer's face, flaunting his own wedding band sitting pretty on his red claws. Lucifer wasted no time to reach out and grab it, but of course, Alastor easily got away by standing from his seat.

They danced around the kitchen for a moment, Alastor cackling at every near miss, which only pissed the king off more. His power was used poorly, making him run out of stamina much quicker than he would prefer, but still long enough to tire out the radio demon just as much. They stood a few feet away from eachother, panting heavily. Letting out a final growl, Lucifer flooded the room with his large wings and lunged out in one final attempt. Alastor, not exactly planning out his next move, popped the ring into his mouth in one smooth motion. Lucifer stumbled and stopped mid lunge, the sheer confusion hitting him more than anything.

"What in the unholy hell - What did you do?! Why??" The situation became comical for a moment, his rage dying down as he tried to wrap his head around the bold move.

"You want your ring back, Sweatheart? Come and get it." He spoke awkwardly, attempting to get his words out before opening his mouth and showing off the wedding band that sat right on the center of his tongue.

Lucifer immediately flushed red, his wings curling around his body before tucking behind his back again. This wasn't what Alastor originally had in plan, but seeing his reaction was just as well. He placed his hands on his hips and bent forward to meet Lucifer's eyes and present him with a much better view of his opened mouth.

They stood there for a moment silently. Alastor shut his eyes and hummed for a moment, closing his mouth and slipping the ring on the tip of tongue before sticking it out to present to Lucifer. It took him far too long to make the decision, but Lucifer took a painful grip onto his shoulders and smashed his open mouth against Alastor's presented tongue. He was far too startled too grasp the situation in time, allowing Lucifer to skilfully wrap his forked tongue around Alastor's prying the ring off and into his own mouth. He pulled away, their tongues still connected with a line of saliva for a moment.

Lucifer placed his hand below his mouth and gently spat out his ring, sliding it carefully on his finger still covered in their mixed spit. He never broke eye contact with the dazed deer demon. Lucifer smirked, crossing his arms across his puffed out chest with pride, as if he won something. He let out a satisfied hum before his eyes followed Alastor's body moving towards him. Standing nearly toe to toe, Lucifer had to crain his neck to see Alastor's glowing eyes.

"Do it, again." His voice was low and gravely, a loud static screeching for a moment causing Lucifer to hiss and cover his ears. Taking the oppurtunity, Alastor took a strong hold onto Lucifer's jaw, pulling him upwards until he was struggling to keep his feet on the ground. He held onto his wrist, an angry glint in his eye, yet silent.

"Did you not hear me, Your Highness? Do. It. Again." He couldn't prevent his face from heating up at the demand, slightly gasping for breath. Mustering his strength, he rolled his eyes and sent a wicked grin to Alastor, his face still held in his hands.

"Sure~"

Lucifer took in a fistful of the demon's red hair and yanked it towards his face, making their lips crash together in a heated attempt to take control of the situation. Alastor lost his grip, allowing Lucifer to firmly plant his feet back on the ground. He kept a tight grip on his hair, keeping the towering demon at his level by bending him over uncomfortably at the hip. He continued to wrestle his forked tongue around Alastor's mouth, no matter how hard he tried to keep up with the king, he couldnt help but melt into the moment. And he feel absolute shame because of it.

After what seemed like meer seconds, Lucifer pulled his hair back, causing his neck to uncomfortably crane backwards. He fell to his knees, the only way to break the discomfort of his current stature. He panted heavily, his arms dropped to his side in a beautiful display of obedience. Lucifer's irises glew a shade of blood red at the sight in front of him. He leaned down just slightly to meet his eyes, finally having the upperhand, "I'll do it again, Sure. But - you have to admit that I won." He grinned almost innocently, making Alastor's limp expression immediately turn into a snarl.

"Go on, then. Admit defeat. You lost."

He'd never admit it, but Alastor found himself in an absolutely helpless situation. He was overpowered.

"Sire, you can't possibly be serious, I would hardly call this a game, don't -" before he could attempt to charm his way out of it, Lucifer readjusted the grasp on his hair to lift his head up by his ears. He yelped.

"Ahha! That's a fun noise! Go ahead and do it again, Darling. I'll give you what you want~" Lucifer kept a tight hold on the other demons ears, feeling them twitch in his fist. He leaned down slightly just hovering over his lips, before yanking his ears forward to connect them with his. The sudden motion made another quiet yelp come from Alastor's lips, but it was muffled between their heavy breaths combined.

He reached upwards, grabbing Lucifer's vest and pulling him down until his knees hit the floor painfully. The sudden jolt caused Lucifer's teeth to graze the inside of his cheek, a small amount of blood mixing in between their lips. Alastor tasted it almost immediately, grabbing Lucifer's sides and pulling him into his torso, sloppily trying to lap up any of the angelic blood that spilled from his mouth.

Lucifer pulled away, pushing on Alastor's chest to keep a distance. As they caught their breath, Alastor licked his lips clean of the golden blood that he managed to obtain. He let out a low growl, before picking up Lucifer by his waist and tossing him hastily onto the counter. Pulling him right to the edge, their bodies completely pressed together, he locked their lips again. Lucifer lost his powerful composure for a moment, gripping Alastor's back and letting out a pathetic whimper into the kiss.

Alastor responded by biting Lucifer's lip, allowing more of his sweet blood to spill into his mouth. He slipped his hands between the two of them, slicing the threads of each button that held his vest and shirt together with ease. Pulling his shirt to the side before he could even realize his top was undone, Alastor pulled away from his lips and let out a heavy breath at the nape of his neck before anchoring his pointed teeth at the softest part of his skin.

Lucifer let out a careful moan, quick to cover his mouth lazily to hold back any other noises. His hand was quickly ripped away from his lips, Alastor guiding it back to the top of his head. He quickly took a grasp of his hair again, desperate for anything to anchor himself to reality.

After leaving a lovely trail of bloody bruises and bites across his entire chest, tainting the procelain white skin, he stepped back to look at his work. Lucifer was a panting mess, hair stuck to his forehead and eyes dazed. His shirts had fallen off his shoulders and he was still attempting to catch his breath. Alastor recovered much quicker, wiping the trail of glowing blood that flowed down Lucifer's chin with his thumb and licking it clean himself.

"Well, I suppose I'll admit to defeat and leave you to your duties, your highness." He swipes some invisible dust from his coat before holding his hands behind his back and heading towards the door.

"Ah, and might I say, you make quite the meal!" He said chipperly, leaving a stunned Lucifer still seated on the countertop as the radio static that once flooded his senses slowly ceased.

♡♡♡

Also just saying, I took some inspo from a radioapple drawing I saw on IG and i cannot for the life of me find it again so I'll include it if anyone finds it :,)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #hazbin hotel smut #lucifer hazbin #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer magne #hazbin hotel fandom #lucifer morningstar #alastor smut #hazbin alastor #alastor and lucifer #lucifer and alastor #lucifer x alastor #help me i'm dying #radioapple #hazbin fanfic #hazbin fanfiction #hazbin hotel fanfiction

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katz-chow · 8 months

Note

Coming from puff puffs blog 🤧🤥 hope you don't mind 😝🙈🙉 ur also totally gaining a new follower..

WHAT ARE YOUR HEADCANONS ON SOAP? 🥰🥰🥰 unless you've already done this before then I am so sorry 😓

relationship with soap headcanons

warnings: sfw, fluff, some angst, relationship arguments, family trauma mentioned, religious trauma, homophobia, bad dad

a/n: my fav cod man is soap so this took my top priority!!! i think about this man a lot, 09 and reboot version. reboot is my fav though, realistically, he's who i would actually get with. here’s all the things i’ve thought about him, there’s probably more tbh… OK OK HERE :))

childhood hcs

johnny soap mactavish comes from a large family of 5 siblings, he's the second oldest. it's elsie, him, blair, callum, and olivia.

growing up in a family of mainly girls got him on that respect women juice. he would always have to make sure his younger siblings are ok and aren't you know, being bullied. his parents were adamant on 2 year age gaps between them all.

his cousin, jack, was an sas operator and that was what made him want to join. they had to call security forces to arrest him out at some point because he kept sneaking in to watch them do stuff lol

elsie left for uni with her bf to live in soho when johnny was 16, the same year he would talk to recruiters around his hometown, driving hours and then getting rejected the same day due to his age

9th grade (year 10) chemistry got him obsessed with stem and its *explosive* results. he aced chemistry and then took advanced chemistry and physics just because he loved it so much

after this, as soon as he turned 18, he went to sign his papers THEN graduated school (he's just like me fr). his mom was so worried for him, especially when her sister told her about the danger that jack would get himself into. in the end, he promised he'll always call her and his siblings

his dad's an ass, hes an alcoholic, a cheater, a *bitch*... he would always take the kids to church on sundays and twisted the religion into a reason for his behavior. claiming that johnny's mom being at home was just "their culture"

she makes a killer shepherd's pie though

always had had some sort of love-hate relationship with the catholic faith. on one hand, it was nice to know there's always at least someone watching out for him, but after hearing the constant belittlement from his father, claiming he wasn't "manly enough" for not willing to give his life up in the service, he started to resent the “all merciful”.

he ended up blaming god for all his faults, letting him take accountability. this especially happened when he got diagnosed with adhd when he was 17, his dad didn’t believe in mental health. his mom was only a bit better about it, they both refused meds for him.

he's bisexual, leans towards women though. found this out after a truth or dare game in junior year (year 12) and some beers in a closet

at one point, callum acccidently let it slip at dinner when johnny had first moved out that he had met a cute guy and their dad screamed and yelled at the whole family, especially their mom, about "raising a fucking whore of a son, dragging the family down to shite"

blair called and told johnny a few days later and johnny rushed his work as quickly as possible and begged his chain of command for a few days off to go back home to his family

his family gets loud…like really loud. there’s 7 people what do you expect?

it gets especially bad when it’s sunday morning and you gotta get 7 people awake and looking their church best for an hour and a half 😔

johnny is the quickest everything there is, which has its downsides too. he could run and swim the fastest in the family, but he was also the quickest eater…meaning he’s on dish washing duty. he’s quick at that too so by the time everyone’s finished, he’s washed all the other dishes that took to make dinner

broke his arm chasing a cat through someone’s yard (he was 14)

had a goat scream and kicked him because he wanted to give it a hug

he got a part time job at a local bakery in 10th grade (year 11). the pay wasn’t much but neither was the work really. olivia, who was 9 at the time, made him promise that he’ll get her a doll to have tea with. her tea set had 4 cups but only one of her, so she must get another one to join her! he kept his promise; he ended up getting three dolls for her

he can make amazing soda bread and brioche loafs now too, still keeps a starter from the owner of the bakery to this day

he had a mountain bicycle that he would take everywhere. had room behind his seat for packages and his backpack, which he would tie down. that thing had such a loud bell too, would ring constantly to “let people know hes coming and get ready”

was terrified of selkies for some reason, always had the window closed and made callum sleep by it while he slept by the door

wasn’t much of a troublemaker, but would get into trouble with his adventurous heart.

got lost in the woods once and after a while of fake courage, he sat down and cried until elsie found him. he was 20 yards (13 meters) away from the clearing 😭😭

laugh at that guys, mf was 15

personality & relationship hcs

johnny is such a fun lover. he’s handsome yeah, but what makes ppl flaunt over him is his humor. he’s what jessica rabbit said “he makes me laugh”

such a charismatic and charming person, gets it from his dad. he could talk about just about anything, also the type to strike up a conversation with a stranger at the grocery store. then end up with their number and a date or helping them dog sit

this isn’t always a good thing though, one time before he was medicated, he would talk on and on, his story becoming incoherent due to the amount of self-interruptions he made, that a group of guys got so annoyed at that pub, they punched him.

he was young, 19, and couldn’t fight, so he didn’t win and came back to the barracks with a nasty black eye

he likes to be the big spoon, has to hold something in order to sleep

feel like he’s the type to wrap his arms around a pillow and lay on his stomach to sleep

speaking of sleeping, he HATES sleeping with socks on. he tried it one day and he just shivered at the feel of it, woke up and his socks were missing (he found them under the bed)

i also feel like he sleeps like a log, unmoving once he finds his comfort, i also think it's because he had to sleep in the same bed as his siblings at one point and he didn't want to wake them by moving, so he got accustomed to being a still sleeper

one time he accidentally got into a fight at a bar when a guy kept being misogynistic and was arrested and kept in jail for the whole night until one of his civilian friends bailed him out

johnny's the type to race you in the rain to the car. again, he's quick so he's always ahead of you but then he slips from the rain and ends up all wet and muddy and in the car.

his favorite thing to do is hear you laugh. he'll do anything to hear you laugh.

whenever you're sad, he'll purposely stub his toe or trip down the stairs or make you kiss his "owie" (a papercut) to get you to cheer up. like yeah it hurts like a fucking bitch but seeing you sad hurts more than a silly tumble

number one date event is city exploring and hopping. like cafe hopping, pub hopping, museum hopping, restaurant hopping, anything that makes you get up and get going with time to sit and chill at the same time.

feels like he can eat a lot, he's the type to eat your food if you end up not liking it or being too full

when he gets home from missions and the initial excitement of seeing you dies down, he also dies down and nap for hours until it's the middle of the night and he gets up to eat something.

he loves naps. feels like he needs a nap time every day if it was possible

he's a very kind lover, he's easy going so its not hard that sometimes people take advantage of this and push his buttons until he can't take it anymore

causes a huge blowup because he can have a nasty temper whenever he bottles stuff up and pushes things aside

not a physical manifestation of anger, but definitely a verbal anger, will say things he doesn't really mean just to say it and realize right after the words leave his lips that he fucked up

but he'll stake out in front of the guest bedroom in which you've locked yourself in until you come out and he gets the chance to forgive you

the type to stand in the rain and hold a sign saying sorry right outside your window, a very cheesy romcom style (gaz made him watch them)

he loves you more than anything and loves you even more than you can keep up with him and laugh at his jokes, no matter how awful they are

he wants 4 kids by the way

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lovingperfectionsblog · 2 years

Text

Flinch

Max Verstappen x Reader

Requested: Yes

Heyyyyyyy, loved the new max fic! I was hoping you could do a max X (famous) Reader where the reader went through physical and verbal abuse from her parents as a child. Now they've been dating for a while and Max knows she isn't super close to her parents but doesn't know why. And like something max says/does in an argument just triggers her accidentally and she just huffs out of the apartment (not a breakup, just a let's do this later) and max is super pissed cause he doesn't know what he did. Then reader comes back very late at night and Max is sleeping in their room but wakes up when he hears the door open and he goes to check on her and she's just sitting on the floor with her head between her knees and her back to the couch and her shoulders are shaking so max thinks she's crying but she isn't making a sound, and this is where he feels like something is truly wrong (cause he's never seen the reader cry before). Then he walks towards her, and even though he's super silent, she hears his footsteps and she just immediately stops crying and puts on a tough face which makes max suspect her childhood was worse then he thought. He goes and sits and asks her what's wrong and she finally tells him the truth and he comforts her and tells her that he'd never do anything to hurt her.

Summary: Max discovers the abuse his girlfriend had been subjected to as a child after he messes up.

Warnings: Abuse, talking about historic abuse, language.

Word Count: 2448

Authors Note: So this request has been sitting in my inbox for far too long now and honestly I really did want to write this one but truthfully this was a difficult one to write, albeit cathartic because a lot of this is based on my own experiences and the realization of that flinch when you experience when you are in an environment that you are actually safe in is a gut wrenching feeling. So if you like this I am glad, if you don’t, that’s okay, it was helpful to me. If you ever face any abuse or you aren’t even sure you are facing abuse, please reach out. You are not alone (as cliché that may seem), but you are not alone and there are ways to get help and there are ways to make sure you are safe, both mentally and physically, and speaking from experience, all it takes sometimes is doing the thing that everyone tells you is wrong but truly is the best thing for you. Please please be safe and always speak out against abuse and always make sure you are safe, physically, emotionally and mentally. You are loved and cherished and most importantly you are seen.

Also to note, I based a lot of this on the guilt and fear around what you experience and the tactics learnt to survive environments. I hope it is okay and I hope everyone likes it and has a wonderful, safe day <3

_____

“Max, I said I am done talking about this” your voice was low and cold, no longer willing to entertain the argument that Max had started through one of his bad moods.

“And I am not” Truthfully neither of you even knew what this argument was even about at this point, but it was in full swing with Max only gearing up.

Max wishes he could stop, Lord knows he wishes he could stop but once he was in one of these moods it was like his entire brain shut down and all he felt was anger, not thought it, felt it.

He hated that this was your first fight, over something that he couldn’t even remember but the first fight had to happen didn’t it and Max was not about to lose it.

“Max, either you talk calmly so we can discuss the actual issue, or we drop this until you have calmed down” you weren’t willing to just encourage a screaming match because at this point it seemed like you were going around in circles and Max was too angry to listen to any reason.

“The fucking issue is you never fucking support me, or is that something you’re incapable of doing, just tagging a long with the little rich boy for the ride of it all?” the words felt like dirt in his mouth. He knew that realistically you were in the only person in this god forsaken world of his that actually truly did give a shit about him truly, that you actually really did love him, but he was angry, and he wanted to hurt someone, he wanted to hurt you.

“Max, I’m sorry baby, I’ll try harder next time, I didn’t mean to not support you, I’ll do better from now on” you knew you weren’t wrong, but this was the next best option and the sudden fear from Max’s continuous screeching was overwhelming you and backing you into a corner. You were now doing what you had to in order to survive. What they had taught you to survive.

Placate. Agree. Retreat.

Just say okay, just say sorry, hide.

“NO! NO! NO FUCKING SORRY’S NOW Y/N!” Max threw his hands up in the air in frustration, hitting the wall next to him.

And you flinched.

Silence filled the entire room. The entire argument completely over in a second from Max’s actions.

You flinched.

Retreat.

“I have to go” the room suddenly suffocating you.

Max suddenly terrifying you. Too man memories resurfacing from your childhood and if you didn’t get out of there now then Max would find out about it all and that was a conversation you weren’t entire ready to open up about.

Truthfully, if you never had to open up about it then you never would. People don’t exactly understand the type of childhood you had and eventually you get tired of explaining it for them to just turn around and still question why you refuse to let your parents into your life.

And no one had ever seen you flinch.

No one had made you feel vulnerable enough to flinch and you were angry that he had. You were angry that he had made you feel safe and broken down those walls only to do this to you.

In his defence, he didn’t know, and he didn’t need to.

Just. Get. Out.

Max could do nothing other than watch you leave. He didn’t try stop you. He didn’t try and make you stay. He just watched. Entire body frozen, hand still supporting him against the wall.

Every ounce of anger in his body was suddenly replaced with a mixture of shame and confusion.

Did he just make the woman he loves flinch in an argument?

The guilt suddenly consuming him entirely. He had hit the wall and made the woman he planned on one day marrying fucking flinch.

He needed to change. He was never going to do this again. This anger he was done with. This uncontrollable rage needed to go. He needed to do whatever he could to make sure you felt safe. He was never willing to see that fear in your eyes again. A fear he fucking caused.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Maybe he was the monster people thought he was.

Maybe he was his dad after all.

No. No. He was never going to be his father. Never. He was going to be better, and Max did not care what parts of himself he needed to kill off in order to make sure you felt safe around him. To make sure you never had to worry again in his presence. Even if he had to kill off any of the anger that spurred on his driving, it would be worth it.

He was not his father and he needed to be better for you.

Once Max had recovered from the shock of what he had done he was pulling out his phone and making arrangements. First, therapy for his anger issues and realistically, all the childhood ones he faced. Secondly couples’ therapy. When he said he was willing to do anything, he meant absolutely everything. Lastly, he was booking a week away for the both of you. Anything to try and get you to forgive him. Anything to make up for what he had done to you.

_____

Max felt sick as he lay in bed waiting for you to come home, if you were even going to come home.

If you were ever going to come home.

He had been unable to sleep at all and had done nothing but lay in bed checking the time for what felt like hours. In truth it was hours. You had been gone for hours and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where you were. He didn’t know if you were safe. You hadn’t taken your phone, just your wallet and house keys. Just those two. Maybe he should get up and check again if you’d taken anything else. Any indication of where you were or might have gone or when you’re coming back and yes, he should probably go and check again.

What was the time? 1:23am.

He needed to know where you had gone. You were smart. You wouldn’t put yourself in danger, would you? You looked so fucking scared of him. Max couldn’t dwell on the look in your eyes for too long or he was sure he was going to get sick, but he couldn’t stop his brain replaying the flinch. Again and again and again and again and noise and flinch and noise and flinch and noise and flinch and now you were gone, and he had no idea where you were and this was all his fault.

He distracted himself by reciting his apology over and over again. In his head and then our loud. Practicing his movements as he lay there, making sure to never raise his hands to high or too quickly. Admonishing himself when he by mistake did.

God, what was the argument even about. He’d lose every single argument from this moment onwards if it meant you never looked at him with fear again and –

That was the front door. Fuck, that was the front door. Relief mixed with shame was an emotion Max had yet to ever experience but my god he was glad he was experiencing the relief part of it right now.

Max was up instantly, making his way towards the lounge where he assumed you were, seeing as he had yet to hear you move any deeper into the house towards him. He got to the door of your bedroom and paused, simultaneously terrified of scaring you further and terrified of what he might find.

Eventually he made he was through the dark house, slowly as to not frighten you, expecting to find you getting ready to make your way to bed but instead he found you, small and enclosed on yourself on the floor in the dark living room.

You sat with your back leaning against the couch, head against your knees as you hugged your legs closer to you, shoulders shuddering every few seconds and Max was confused, but the longer he stood there watching, the more it dawned on him, you were crying.

The sight was so odd to him because as Max wracked his brain for what was happening in front of him, he realised that this was the first time he had ever witnessed you cry and in that moment his heart shattered.

Max took a step closer, hesitant but protective nevertheless, intent on only comforting you now. He must have stepped to hard because in an instant you had shot your head up and were wiping away the tears before turning to look at him. In the moonlight Max could already see a small smile plastered to your face.

“I’m sorry for waking you baby, go back to bed, I promise I’ll be there soon” you immediately began remedying the situation, nervous that any hint at emotion would make him angry.

‘Remember, remove any emotion, then he won’t punish you’ A trick they had taught you to survive.

“You were crying” it’s all Max could say. God was he that socially inept that he couldn’t think of more to say when he just witnessed his girlfriend crying for the first time, ever.

Like, this was weird right? He wasn’t being absurd, how had he never seen you cry before?

“No, no, baby, I’m fine, I promise” you tried your best to reassure him, not wanting to draw any more attention to yourself than you already had.

“I’ve never seen you cry before” why had he never seen you cry before?

“I don’t cry my love” your voice was sickly sweet. You wanted this conversation to be over with. You wanted him to go back to bed.

“That’s not- that’s not healthy” Max made his way over to you, sitting in front of you, placing his hands on your knees, realizing how puffy your eyes, how long, how deeply you had been crying. This wasn’t some fight, this was more, “why?”

“Why what?” there was trepidation in your voice.

“Why don’t you cry?” Max had never tried to be so gentle before in his entire life, but he wanted you to know this was safe, he was safe, you were safe.

You were at a loss for words. Why don’t you cry? You couldn’t exactly tell Max the real reason, but how he sat there, looking at you, begging you to be honest, maybe for the first time ever about this all, maybe you could tell him.

“My dad” you opted to tell the truth, no matter how painful this may be, but if anyone understood, it might be Max, or it might not be and he could leave, but it doesn’t matter anymore, you already started.

“Your dad?” you’d literally avoided any and all conversation about your dad since Max had known you.

“I didn’t exactly have the greatest childhood” you let out a dry chuckled and it made Max’s throat grow dry, he opted to not interrupt, hoping that if he didn’t you’d continue talking, carry on opening up to him about parts of you he had never knew even existed up until now, gently rubbing your knee, letting you know he was here, but you had space.

“I just, he was so” fuck, were you really about to do this. You could already feel your throat closing up, why did you have to be a throat crier?

“God, he was so abusive and I just, I couldn’t do it anymore and as soon as I could I just got them out my life. He always just, I was never good enough, I was always the problem, he just and then he would shout, and I was always so scared. Every time he got home I’d run upstairs to just stay out of his way, everything was always my fault. He was always shouting, and I was just always scared, and my mom always taught me, ‘don’t you dare show emotion, just say you’re right and I’m sorry, and then stay out of his way, it will only make him more mad if you don’t’ and then one day he just, it hurt so much and I just, and then you shouted and raised your hand and hit the wall, and it was just like” a sobbed wracked through your body and suddenly you couldn’t breathe. Gasping through the sobs, tears streaming down your face.

Next minute you felt Max grabbing you and pulling you close to him, instinctively wrapping your arms around him as you buried your face into his neck, sobbing all the while, gripping onto him for dear life and he didn’t reject you, he didn’t scold you, he didn’t blame you, instead he cradled you, held you close, kept you safe and he told you how much he cared, how he was there, how much he loved you.

And most importantly he told how sorry he was. For everything. For your childhood. How he wasn’t able to protect you from your dad then and how he had made you think he would ever do anything remotely similar to the abuse you had experienced before. Especially for how he had made you think that.

After what felt like hours just sitting there and crying and talking and crying some more and him telling you how sorry he is, how he is going to change for you, how safe you were now and about every single therapy session he was going to and you two were going to go to in order to fix this, Max eventually picked you up and carried you to bed.

After getting you changed and tucking you into bed, pulling you close to him and letting you drift off to sleep, he suddenly couldn’t.

His mind was a mixture of relief that you had finally opened up to him and trusted him enough, relief that you felt safe enough to finally cry and anger at what you had experienced, at the abuse you had suffered and most importantly what he had done to you. How he had never seen it, how he had just subjected you to it all over again.

Even as you slept he kept whispering to you, how sorry he was, for everything and how much he loved you and God he promised he was going to change if it was the last thing he did.

Because at the end of it all, he still made you flinch.

#max verstappen #f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #monaco #f1 x reader #Max Verstappen x Reader #Max Verstappen x you #max verstappen x you #f1 blurb #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen x reader #f1 x you

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orchidyoonkook · 1 year

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To What We Were Before, And All The Things After | JJK | Ch. 2

Title: Unknown Numbers and Sharp Tongues

Pairing: Prince!College Student!JK x Fine Arts Major!(F)!Reader

Series Rating//Genre: (M) | College AU, Mild Royalty AU, Smut, Angst, Fluff, S2F2L, Indiffernce to lovers, sloooowwww ass burn

Summary: You get a text from an unknown number and it flips your day upside down.

Warnings: PG13, mild swearing, arguments

Word Count: 3065

Release Date: February 2, 2023, 1:40PM

A/N 1: She’s shorter but just as important

Series: Chapter One

It’s 12:07pm the Wednesday after the assembly. You're sitting on your bed sketching when a text vibration sounds from somewhere within the blankets crumpled beneath you.

A pencil lead stained hand carefully snakes its way through the sheets to find your phone, and after locating it by your feet, you see a message from an unknown number waiting to be read.

Unknown Sender [12:07pm]: Hey, is this YN?

You raise a brow at the semi-suspicious text.

Normally when this happens, you just delete the message. You have everyone you're willing to speak with in your contacts already, so you know that it’s most likely spam. But the difference with this one?

They know your name.

That being said, your guy friends back home have been known to, on occasion, pull shit because they know you can’t do anything about it.

Though, that has never once stopped you from waiting to see them again in person and retaliating. Patience is a virtue and all that, but you think they’d of learned by now…

So you fire back, just in case.

You [12:08pm]: Hobi I s2g if this is you again I’m sending Nayeon that picture of you from 9th grade with shutter shades on and your ass stuck in a tuba

Unknown Sender [12:08pm]: Oh wow, uhm…no, its not Unknown Sender [12:09pm]: But remind me never to get on your bad side. Unknown Sender [12:10pm]: It’s Jungkook actually... I may have grabbed your number from Yuri’s phone. I hope it’s okay I messaged you

Jungkook?

As in The Prince of the Western Shores, Jungkook?

Well...

This certainly isn’t how you thought your afternoon was going to go.

You figured you'd never hear from him again after Monday’s assembly, like everyone else he’d greeted—Yuri aside apparently. Yet here you were, on your bed, in your university dorm room, having a midday text conversation with Prince Jeon Jungkook of all people.

You laugh to yourself and quickly change his name in your contacts, keeping it subtle. You don’t want someone to see his name pop on your screen and then suddenly have a legion of people harassing you about how you got the prince's number, and if they could get it from you.

You [12:11pm]: yeah, it’s fine

And why wouldn't it be? You don’t dislike him, though he seemed to have thought so. Sure, you don’t particularly like the guy yet, but you're confident he feels the same about you—if he even thinks of you, that is.

He probably just wants recommendations for things to do this weekend or to know where the cleanest washrooms on campus are. God forbid his royal bottom touch a less than sanitary toilet seat.

PJK [12:13pm]: Im afraid she had to explain to me who ‘blueballzbitch’ was when I accidentally saw your text to her the other day. Apparently my reaction after reading it was very funny

You [12:13pm]: I cant believe she still hasnt changed my name in her phone! That bitch!! she promised :( You [12:14pm]: Thats only my name because i told her she couldnt bring guys back to our dorm after 1 AM anymore!

PJK [12:14pm]: can I ask why?

You [12:15pm]: there may have been an incident of a very drunk half naked man climbing into my bed at 4 am instead of hers…. You [12:15pm]: And needless to say, not the nicest way to wake up

PJK [12:16pm]: no I would think not. Though that explains her reaction a bit better

You didn’t even want to know.

She did kick that guy out the second she heard your scream though, drunk as she was. But it didn’t stop her from moping for a week at your new rule.

Tough, you’d had a test the next day, so your decision was final.

Your academics wouldn’t pay the price for someone else’s actions. On that you were and always have been, firm. You’ve even lost a few friends because of it.

But now your starting to wonder why he wanted to message you in the first place.

You [12:17pm]: i dont mean to be rude, but why did you save my number? To be honest i didnt think I’d hear from you again after monday

PJK [12:18pm]: well if we’re being honest…

There are a million different ways he could follow that sentence, and your mind is simultaneously running through all of them.

It takes him a few minutes, and a couple disappearance and reappearances of the texting in progress bubble, before a reply comes. Your pencil may or may not be a bit chewed on the end as a result.

PJK [12:21pm]: I was hoping that we could be friends, or acquaintances at least. I dont mean to come on too strong, its just that…. well you’re the only one whos really treated me like a regular guy, and i’d like to have at least one person to speak to who wont ‘glaze over the truth with pretty white lies’ just because of who I am. Its a surprisingly hard attribute to come by in people when you have words like “prince” and “your highness” attached to your name PJK [12:22pm]: Everyone either wants something from me or something I can do for them, and when we met? I could see you just…didn’t. It’s like you didnt even care I was there and that was incredibly refreshing for me PJK [12:23pm]: so um, yeah… that’s why

Oh…

Oh.

You were expecting anything else. Like literally anything else. He could’ve messaged you saying he wanted to give up being prince to join a traveling circus and was wondering if you knew the quickest train route into town and you would’ve been less surprised than you are right now.

But…Friends? He just wanted to be friends?

You guess you played your part a little too well on Monday. A part you didn't even realize you were performing.

Was it really so difficult for people to treat him normally that the only person who had done so in three days, was you? And it was so noticeable that he sought you out because of it? His professors, at least, would have treated him like any other student…right?

You sit up, sketch long discarded on your bedside table.

What would Yuri think about this? What would Nel think? Jungkook isn't just some guy from your Advanced Colour Theory class, he's the prince of your kingdom.

You know your boyfriend wouldn't care if Jungkook kissed your hand in a passing greeting, that’s the standard greeting for every woman.

But friends?

Regular contact?

Potentially being seen in public with him?

Even a high ranking societal man would feel threatened, let alone Nel; the highschool boy you fell in love with from your tiny hometown.

Biting your lip, you think.

You’re not an idiot. You know if people see you—a girl—hanging out with Jungkook—the prince, but more importantly, a boy—publicly, they will start talking. You know how the media make grand stories from two anonymously sourced, out of context quotes and a grainy picture from 100 feet away.

What you don’t know is if you would or even could handle the public speculation that came with that.

You don't want the media to come between you and your education. You don’t want to be at the center of attention. You worked way too hard to get where you are to have it washed away with a shitty ‘Prince Jungkook's college fling’ article that holds headlines for less than a week before the news cycle changes.

Your credibility would be gone in an instant. And you’d only ever be remembered as ‘that girl the prince probably slept with in college.’

You should say no.

You’re going to say no.

—Wait.

Are you even allowed to say no?

Your phone pings again.

PJK [12:24pm]: i really just want my university experience to be as normal as possible before having to trade it all in for a crown and kingdom. It’s my last shot to experience life as a person before becoming a symbol and im hoping youll be kind enough to help me with that PJK [12:24pm]: but i understand if you dont want to. Like i said in my speech, im not unaware of the repercussions of my celebrity, and its effects on others, both positive and negative. So please by all means, whatever answer you give, i’ll understand

Shit.

Shit!

Now you’ll feel like an ass if you say no, and you know that wasn’t his intention with the message, but you can't help it. He just wants to be as ordinary as he can be for a while. That isn’t a lot to ask—of anybody.

After re-reading his messages about a dozen more times, you find your entire view of Jungkook shifting in an instant.

Maybe he was the spoiled, rich, and plate delivered opportunities prince you expected him to be, but funnily enough, somewhere along the way it was you who forgot that he was an regular person. Just like you had told Yuri such a short time ago, and just like you now had to remind yourself.

Jungkook’s really not much different than someone without all the special features his title brings him.

And with that in mind, you know your reply.

You [12:30pm]: can i think about it?

And not seconds later.

PJK [12:30pm]: absolutely.

A breath you didn’t know you were holding releases.

PJK [12:31pm]: that’s already further than i thought i’d get—if we’re still being honest.

You [12:33pm]: im always honest, you dont have to worry about that. And same goes for you, dont worry about being truthful with me. Lies only create problems, and i dont have the time for them

PJK [12:35]: glad to hear it. I look forward to your answer, whenever and whatever you decide

Gently tossing your phone back onto your bed, you leave the conversation at that. You know you wouldn’t be able to make your mind up without going through all possible outcomes in your head first. And Yuri is usually a good enough listener to pipe in with decent advice now and then.

So, for now, you pick up your pencil and sketch pad, and wait for Yuri to return from her afternoon class.

A few hours later, and a decent way through your third life study, Yuri bursts through the front entryway. Your bedroom door’s open, and you’ve got a clear view of her shucking off her shoes and outer layers after casting her books onto the dining room table.

So much for your focus.

But you're glad she’s back, your conversation with Jungkook from earlier is still wracking your brain.

“YN, Sweets! You are NEVER going to believe the day I’ve had!” Yuri makes her way over to your bed, inhaling deeply enough you know a monologue is about to follow.

“Me too! But you first,” you slip in before the floodgates burst, knowing all her focus will be solely centered on you the second you mention Jungkook reaching out.

“Jungkook invited me to lunch!”

Or maybe not.

“Well sort of, that’s why I’m late getting back. He asked if there was a more secluded place to eat on campus,” she says the word like it’s a secret. Like she thinks he asked for seclusion to have it be a more intimate setting with her, versus a more private space for him.

“So I showed him that little cafe behind the greenhouse that no one ever goes to cuz it’s too far away from central campus—you know the one that might as well just be a part of the greenhouse cuz of how close it is?”

You nod. You were very familiar with that cafe, frequently going there to paint the flowers in the windows, and also, to think. But she doesn’t know that. It was sort of a safe haven for you, because like she said, it wasn’t a very popular place on campus, so it was quiet.

You didn’t know Yuri even knew about it.

Now sitting criss-crossed on the end of your bed, she continues, “Yeah, so I brought him there and we both got coffee, then I got a croissant and he got a sandwich. But YN, get this: we take. our coffee. the. same. way. Try and tell me we’re not made for one another now! Same major, same coffee, next thing you know we’ll be finding out we’d picked out the same baby names.”

She stops to take a breath and you take your cue. “Woah there, Yurls, slow down a bit on that last one,” she makes a face at you. You ignore it. “But I think it’s great you're making a new friend that you have common interests with and are excited about,” you say, putting extra emphasis on ‘friend,’ thinking back to your conversation with Jungkook about people only ever wanting things he could give them. Surely you could subtly help your friend this way. “Just try to remember you have to be friends first before anything else happens.”

She doesn’t miss a beat. “Friends? YN please! We’re practically already dating, that’s three times in as many days he’s asked to hang out,” she closes her eyes, hugging herself. “I can almost hear the wedding bells.”

You look at her plainly and try your best not to sigh.

She must know that this is just Jungkook taking her up on her offer, right? The one she made after seeing him off to the cafe by the biz-admin building the other day?

Before they parted ways, Yuri’d mentioned to him that if he wanted more inside knowledge or help getting around the campus he could ask her. And it made sense, having all their classes in the same area, when he said, ‘I’ll take you up on that.’

You know, because not unlike this conversation, she’d rushed home right after to tell you.

Jungkook’s just trying to get his bearings in what is clearly still a very new experience for him and Yuri’s reading into it all wrong.

You look at your friend who’s staring dreamily at nothing, more than likely caught up in whatever wedding scenarios of herself and Jungkook her brain is creating.

Waving a fruitless hand in front of her face before snapping your fingers, you break her trance. “Helloooo? Earth to Yuri, come back down here please so I can talk some sense into youuuuu.”

“I’m here,” she says, smacking your hand away playfully, gaze snapping to your less than amused one. Her smile falters at the sight. “What’s that look for?”

“Oh nothing, just that you sound like a delusional teenager instead of a functional adult at university pursuing a degree. You just met the guy three days ago and you’re already picturing your wedding together? Because you hung out over coffee twice and showed him where his classes are? He’s still a stranger, Yuri. Can’t you hear yourself?”

Her expression quickly changes to one of offense, and maybe even hurt.

Perhaps you’d been a little too honest, but it’s not like this was new for you two. Sometimes she needed a swift blow to knock her down and she knows this, she knows you’d never intend to hurt her feelings. You always wanted what was best for her, and you know she feels the exact same way for you.

So you’re shocked when she says, “You know you don’t have to be such a bitch about it if you’re going to be jealous,” crossing her arms defensively.

Jealous? You are anything but jealous, and you wonder why that’s where her mind jumps to first, brows scrunching in confusion.

“I’m not jealous. Have you forgotten about Nel? Boyfriend of five years, highschool sweetheart, ringing a bell?”

“Nel’s not a prince YN,” she counters in a tone so even, it’s unsettling. “And it wouldn’t be so unheard of for a woman in a relationship to be jealous of her friend who’s in one with a prince she wants for herself.”

Oh, so that’s where she wants to go with this. She thinks that Jungkook will somehow make you forget about the five wonderful years with Nel. Like half a decade measures up to nothing if it means getting someone with a better name and a bigger paycheck.

Fine.

If she wants to get bitchy about it, so will you.

“Yeah, well it’s a good thing you’re not dating one then, isn’t it? Don’t get so defensive when all I’m doing is trying to help you see that.”

Yuri stands dramatically from the bed, clearly pissed, and storms out of your room, grabbing her things from the dining room table.

“I’m going to my macroeconomics class. By the time I get back, either have your door closed, or don’t be here.”

She leaves as rushed as she came, and you try not to flinch at the front door slamming shut, but do anyway.

You shove your work off to the side, bringing your knees up to rest your elbows on while the palms of your hands cover your eyes, giving yourself a moment to breathe and process.

This isn’t the first time this has happened and it certainly won't be the last. It was a downside between your personalities. You were the anchor who kept her from soaring too high in the clouds, just like she was the helium that kept you from drowning.

But sometimes she wanted to see the stars, and sometimes you were scared of the surface.

Releasing a deep breath, you decide to head out, having finished school for the day anyway. You only had morning classes on Wednesdays—an intentional scheduling on your behalf to have somewhat of a break midweek. You work hard but also know that burnout can kill.

Switching out your pencils for watercolour paint trays, and your sketchpad for your watercolour paper, you decide that the greenhouse sounded great right about now, especially now that you knew Yuri wouldn’t be there.

There isn’t a better place for you to go and blow off some steam.

Tossing your brushes, materials, travel water and wallet in a tote, you slide on your shoes and leave the dorm. The door closes much quieter this time.

Chapter Three: Greenhouse Muses and Surprise Guests

A/N 2: I’m pretty sure this is the shortest chapter in the series (so far) but as you’ve read it’s an important step so I hope that’s okay!

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luchives · 2 years

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Scenario: Your Child Catching You Two Arguing

📎: Dad!Oikawa x fem!reader

📎: angst? to fluff

📎: warnings; implied arguing?

Fights are pretty rare in your relationship, but when they do occur, it’s draining for both parties. Considering neither of you were willing to back down and lower your pride, it eventually sorts itself out— except you don’t have eventually; at least not anymore, not when you have a little girl sleeping in the other room, and God knows you’re not about to let her see you bullying her dearest ‘kind daddy’ in the dead of night.

Well, maybe a little too late for that..

“Daddy!” Both of you immediately turn your heads to the source of the tiny voice. This was it— you could already hear the teasing your husband is going to subject you to after this.

“Princess, what are you doing awake? Did mommy’s nagging wake you?” What a hypocrite.

She walks up to him…and pushes him aside??

“You’re being mean to mommy! You sleep outside.” She scolds as she proceeded to push his stunned figure out the door.

To say he was dumbfounded was an understatement— Tooru was absolutely heartbroken; and though he did deserved it, you kind of felt bad when you saw the look on his face before his little girl shut the door on him.

He goes back in when she’s not looking though, crouches on your side of the bed and practically begs you to make her forgive him (as if you weren’t the one he was scolding earlier huh)

“Sweetheart, daddy’s really sorry- you didn’t have to kick him out” you said as she snuggled next to you, in his spot— at this point he really wasn’t sure if it was you or her he was jealous of; he suddenly remembers just how much he missed both his girls while he was away for work, and the first thing he did when he got back was argue with you about something so trivial it didn’t even warrant an argument in the first place.

The hurt he felt before multiplied a tenfold after that realization, that was one more thing about Oikawa; he was a prideful loser that would do anything to make you feel better, and believe me, it works.

For the next week he’s the one singlehandedly driving you two to and from work and school— even takes y’all on a few dinner dates (mostly to gain his little princess’ favor again but considering how that moment would go down in the history books if your household, you don’t really mind.

This was actually based on a true story because I was/am a girlboss and a favorite child<3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x you #haikyuu scenarios #luni’s fake scenarios #haikyuu fluff #oikawa x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa x reader fluff #oikawa timeskip #oikawa x you #oikawa tooru #oikawa fluff #hq oikawa #dad!oikawa #dad oikawa

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b0r3dtod3ath · 1 year

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ok hear me out-

fake dating au with wil. reader needs a date to an old friends wedding and wilbur wants a way to get closer to reader. maybe they both secretly like each other and are too embarrassed to admit it? or too nervous?

"He got what he wanted"

masterlist

warnings: mention of alcohol, y/n being bullied in middle school (no detail)

word count: 1180

"Did something happen? Do you need something?" - a concerned voice answered your call "No, pfff, haha why are you asking?" - you asked, "Y/N, you never call me in the middle of the day. You're nervous to say it that's way you're calling." Wilbur - your friend - laughed. You met him in university and you two have been pretty close ever since. You were always there for eachother. "Ok, I'm just gonna say it. You don't have to agree. If you don't I'm gonna have to figure out something I'm mean if you don't want to do it its fine-" "Y/n.." "Okay, okay. So you remember Emily?" "The one you went to middle school with? Then yea." "Good. Shes getting married next month and she sent me an invitation. I don't wanna go alone, there will be a ton of girls that bullied me in school. The card says I can bring a plus one as long as its a lover of mine. I know it sounds ridiculous but are you willing to pretend to be my boyfriend for like one night?" he would love to "Hmm" he knew the answer but wanted you to wait a bit "What will I get in return?" "OH! WILBUR! There will be so much food and drinks and it’s all free, you just need to say yes and maybe take my hand a few times that night. AND DON'T LAUGH IT'S A SERIOUS QUESTION!" "Sure, I can do that." he said giggling.

...

"So here's the plan. Now listen carefully." A Friday night. Will was sitting on the couch and you were pacing around your living room. Like usually during your sleepovers - a opened bottle of wine and some playing cards on the coffee table. "I have this dress, it's blue so i suggest you should wear a blue tie or the one with blue stripes on it. Don't wear a blue suit - it will be too much. I don't think we should be very touchy because we will be annoying but we cannot be suspicious. The same goes for dancing - i hate it but i think two songs will do the job and we cannot get too drunk and we have to be really careful" Wilbur looked at his glass and drank it "I think you're overthinking it" "No I'm not" "Wait, let me finish maybe huh? Already a lot of people are assuming we are dating so let's just behave normally. You remember that one time we went for a picnic? If anyone asks how we met we will say the truth and that picnic will be our first date (In Wilburs head at the time it was your first date - he invited you not long after you two met but there was a misunderstanding and he didn't actually tell you about his romantic intentions). I think everything else will go pretty smoothly. We just have to be a bit more touchy than usually and I think no one will doubt our relationship." He leaned back on the couch "I don't know about you but i came here to practise some kissing with my girlfriend. Come here it has to look real." “You want to practice kissing to make it believable? How about we practice having an argument and you sleeping on the couch?” You sat down next to him "Sorry, maybe you are right. I'm am overthinking it. I just want my appearance there to be a big "fuck you" to all the girls that laughed at me." the boy went to the kitchen to bring another bottle of wine and some chapstick, he wasn't joking.

"Just do it. We both know it's not a big deal!" At this point both of you were laughing. Both of you kinda wanted to do it but you were scared. You sat there together. Wilbur held you close deeply staring into your eyes. A soft jazz playlist playing in the background - he insisted on putting it on after you commented on the weirdness of silence. You quickly closed the gap between you two and gave him a quick kiss. "Oh come on! They are not gonna believe that." His soft lips crushed into yours as if he was hungry. You were socked at first but then you relaxed and followed him. You have never felt so safe with someone. After a moment you broke the kiss to catch some air "Sorry, I didn't, I mean-" Wilbur was surprised at his behavior. Maybe the wine pushed him to do what he always wanted to. "No, no. I think they will believe that".

...

"Calm down, we are not going to be late." You were now sitting in the backseat of an uber on your way to the church. "I know I'm just nervous i haven't seen those people in long time." With your shaky hands you tried to fix Wilburs tie. He looked into your eyes while you were struggling. He could clearly see your anxiety. He tried to calm you down so he put his hand on your thigh. "Hands to yourself, we are not there yet".

When you arrived he quickly got out and opened the door for you. He took your hand and you walked into the church. You could feel everybody's eyes on you two but you tried to ignore it.

...

Wedding reception was nice. It was like a mini high school reunion. You actually had a lot of fun thanks to Wilbur. Anytime he could sense the conversation go in a weird direction he would hold your hand or joke about something to change the topic.

You have been near your friend all the time. The constant need to touch him needed to be satisfied. "I thought you said not to be too touchy?" He quietly laughed "Oh shut up! Haha, I just love being with you." "Yea?" "Yea" "Good, cause I love you" he said a bit louder so others could hear him. You thought it was just his great acting skills so you laughed and said "I love you too" and kissed his cheek. His face instantly went red. He heard a slow song begin "Can I have this dance?" he held his hand for you to grab bit. He wanted to hide his hot face under the dimmed lights and it was a great opportunity to talk to you where no one could hear you.

So you two swayed to the music - Wilbur held you tight, your head on his heart. You stayed like this for a moment. You could feel his heartbeat quicken when he opened his mouth "You know, I don't like this whole 'fake dating' thing." He went silent but continued after a while "I wasn't lying" You could feel his muscles tense. Your hands immediately started stroking his back. Your eyes met. "Yea me too. We should stop pretending." You pulled him into a kiss so passionate that it said more than word could ever. Once the song was over he looked so happy - like a child who just got what he wanted.

#wilbur soot #wilbur x reader #wilbur imagine #wilbur imagines #wilbur soot imagines #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot imagine #fake dating au #fan fic writing #writers on tumblr

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comradekatara · 6 months

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sokka's real character development was him going from wanting to eat momo for dinner to being willing to jump into appa's mouth to save momo

but seriously, you have the best takes in the atla fandom. so many ppl don't take into account the effect of a hundred years of colonialism, attempted genocide and imperialism on characters, beliefs, cultures etc.

haha yes sokka is totally that grumpy dad (although in his case, more like a teenage grandpa) who’s like “if you’re gonna keep this pet you have to be the one to take care of him he’s your responsibility so you won’t see me taking care of him for you okay” and then almost immediately bonding with momo on a deep spiritual level. like seriously, sokka and momo are such an underrated duo. i know it’s easy to think of momo as aang’s pet bc aang finds him, names him, and he’s from aang’s temple, and like, to that extent, momo is obviously aang’s, but i do think that momo is equally sokka’s. they co-parent him.

although i will say i’ve always felt like the “get out of the bisons mouth” moment isn’t really sokka genuinely fearing for momo, he just has a lot of pent up stress in that moment and misplaces his manic energy. when he’s stressed about something not in his control he tends to get really frenetic and loud and dramatic for a short burst, just as a way of releasing all that energy i guess. i suppose this habit makes for funny moments, but if you trace the pattern it’s not just a comedic device (although it is of course that), it’s actually a consistent trait of his character as he responds to overwhelming stress. which is pretty cool i think.

and thank you! i think everyone comes to this show with a different perspective and different analytical lenses, and at the end of the day, it is a cartoon that most of us watched as children (although i do have a sizable number of friends who watched it for the first time as adults and absolutely loved it), so i can’t really fault people for being reductive in their interpretations, although as someone who has spent so long dissecting the show, i do think i have earned the right to find it annoying. i will say that i think the baseline framing one needs to understand atla is an understanding of us imperialism, and specifically the war on terror/iraq invasion. i think that distance from that time has allowed newer audiences to forget crucial context in which this show is situated.

obviously reading some postcolonial theory and feminist theory (and im certainly not going to claim i’m an expert in either) would probably also help a lot of people better contextualize their readings, but i have also seen analyses from people who clearly are familiar with the cultural contexts informing atla, and who nonetheless produce rancid takes. criticism is obviously subjective. and while it’s always nice to hear that someone likes my perspective, i am well-aware that many people hate what i have to say on atla for whatever reason. for some reason, this show breeds many divisive arguments, but i think that’s just a testament to how deeply it has touched people’s lives, that they care enough to send each other death threats over which boy katara should kiss or whatever. lol

#twitterpat #asks #also ‘attempted genocide’ ?#seemed like pretty effective genocides to me!#sokka #<- love to overanalyze this guy . the bitch #momo&sokka #aang&sokka #aang&momo

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epickiya722 · 21 days

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I have made this argument before and I wanna see if it flies here: I don't think Sukuna counts as a hater. Because he doesn't care enough about anyone to truly hate them. He IS a huge bastard that treat people like plaything and disrespect them, but I never saw any of it as coming from a place of hatred? Even towards Yuji with how much bullshit he put him through and dissing him, I don't see that as coming from any feeling of hate, just the dismissness one treats a toy you not longer care to play with.

Ooh, okay hear me out because I do see where you're coming from, Anon. In fact, I do agree.

Sukuna does come off as someone who doesn't really spends his energy hating on someone as in "eh, what's the point".

Sometimes, you gotta have some bit of sense to care about something or someone to even feel anything else for them.

To care, is to acknowledge revelance and well, evident enough Yuji is the last person Sukuna would find important, huh?

But, hope you don't mind, I want to add onto this a bit more because I have thoughts and well...

I am (finally ╥﹏╥) finishing up a post I have had since January that is about how Sukuna views Yuji. (Kid you not.)

Now, before anybody says anything, yes, you can say Sukuna is a hater. He is indeed a Hater, with a capital H. But he really shows that behavior towards only Yuji verbally. Like... I can't recall him ever being so vindictive towards anybody else but Yuji.

He has expressed annoyance towards others and more recently even small moments of anger. Sometimes, he's even dismissive.

But with Yuji? Yuji won't even be in the same vicinity and he hates on him. He has this special animosity towards Yuji.

Why does he though? What's the reason?

This is what I suppose.

Sukuna definitely hated Yuji and probably still does because he was more of a cage to him than just a vessel. When Sukuna first was reincarnated and Yuji suppressed him, that actually was Sukuna's first L of the series. No doubt he despises him for it. Promised a second chance at life and a vessel and when you get that vessel? He controls you not you control him.

Come chapter 248, we get a bit more as to why Sukuna hates Yuji. No matter what he does, Yuji continues to get back up. His resolve is so strong that not even the King of Curses can break him at this point. And because of that, Sukuna decides to continue on where Kenjaku left off just to spite him.

But thinking about it... why? The thing is Sukuna never really had a goal in mind besides wanting to kill people for the hell of it. He does what he wants whenever he wants. He eats whatever he pleases. Something pisses him off, he gets rid of it.

So doesn't it seem off that Sukuna is actually going the extra mile just because of some teenage boy irks him? Is taking over for Kenjaku to merge humanity actually necessary? Just to spite Yuji?

Yuji ain't the only one attacking him, so why just antagonize him? He doesn't find anyone else boring?

You said the right word, Anon. Sukuna treats Yuji as a "toy". He treats Yuji like a toy. But he also does for everyone else. Everyone else (except Uraume really and he really doesn't pay much mind to Kenjaku and we don't know his relationship with Tengen) is a toy for Sukuna. There is not one person he genuinely cares enough for spare their life. Everyone he has fought was just entertainment for him. He killed people just because. He breaks people because he can.

And even though Yuji is one of those toys to him, Yuji is a toy that Sukuna keeps picking back up. He ignores him, but then goes right back to turning his attention on him. No matter what he does, Yuji is a Nokia phone. He's practically immune to Sukuna's tomfoolery.

If I had to say, if Sukuna doesn't hate Yuji, he hates what he stands for. He hates the idea that Yuji is fighting him and willing to die because he's selfless and wants to save people. Opposite of Sukuna's selfishness and entertainment to torture people.

#this was just sitting in my drafts because my mind has been elsewhere for a while...#yeah...#kiya answers #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #itadori yuji #yuji itadori #yuuji itadori #itadori yuuji #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna ryomen #ryoumen sukuna #sukuna ryoumen

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tallerthantale · 3 months

Text

What Does Aziraphale Actually Believe, Part 6: Philosophy Time

This is a series of my takes on what Aziraphale believes through the timeline of the show. It is all my personal interpretation, and I am happy to hear others. You don’t need to read them all in order, but know that I am coming from a perspective on Aziraphale’s machinations that can be difficult for people without a psychology background to follow without the first two as a primer. The quick version is that Aziraphale has a set of beliefs that exist in some form or another within his mind. However, at any given moment, only some of them exist ‘with awareness’ or as I am putting it here, conscious!Aziraphale only has access to the beliefs that the rest of his mind, veil!Aziraphale, allows him to know about. The context of the moment will determine what lives on the surface and what stays buried behind the veil, whatever arrangement best prevents a threat to Aziraphale’s sense of self and makes whatever he is inclined to do feel right.

This post finishes the minisode and flashback content, starting from 1800's Edinburgh through to the 1960's bit. There is a lot of attention given to how Aziraphale conceptualises good and evil, and the roles of angels, demons, and humans within the divine system. About 3k words.

A Spot of Body Snatch

Some juicy bits of philosophy show up in the Edinburgh flashback. While Aziraphale has been able to disagree with the archangels, or think that they are misguided about God’s will, the general moral esthetics of what heaven is supposed to represent have largely been left intact. The idea is you put a bunch of people out in the world, you see who does the good things and who does the bad things, and you reward and punish accordingly. Aziraphale still believes that is a component of the ineffable plan, and advocates for some version of it in the modern era. At this point he thinks that it’s all going rather well, and you can easily sort the good and bad humans apart. He doesn’t look too closely, because that’s not going to help preserve his sense of self. He has been on the earth for over 5800 years at this point. His ignorance to the disadvantages of the poor is willful. See end note.

At the start of the adventure, Aziraphale believes body snatching is wicked. It is a morally bad thing to do, people who do it are morally bad. People who finance it are morally bad. This is an intuitive judgement, it feels wrong. As is commonly the case with intuitive judgements, it gets messy on the application, the devil's in the details. When he miracles the freshly dug up body into a skeleton, why does that feel right? Ostensibly the wickedness of the body snatching is the desecration of the dead. By turning the body into skeleton soup, Aziraphale has personally desecrated the dead. You could make the argument that it was a necessary evil in the name of a greater good, but Aziraphale doesn't make that argument, he claims that what he did was directly a morally good act. Why? Because it felt good to him to do it. He was sticking it to the morally bad people by making their life harder. Sometimes Aziraphale is a petty bitch like that.

When he learns that the body snatching operation functions to alleviate human suffering, his feelings change first, then his judgement changes. After the talk with the surgeon, holding the tumour in a jar, participating in the body snatching feels like helping to relieve human suffering, therefore his involvement in it is in alignment with the ineffable plan, therefore let's go do it. It is worth noting that for all Aziraphale emphasises forgiveness in his interactions with Crowley, he doesn’t ask for it here. There are many factors involved in that, and @takeme-totheworld has some very relevant things to say on the way Aziraphale engages with forgiveness from ex-Christian perspective.

I think one of the other factors involved is that Aziraphale is pretty normalised to reshuffling his beliefs to feel better about himself, and a feature of that normalisation is not fully taking accountability when you shuffle a disavowed belief out. Veil!Aziraphale allows just enough awareness for conscious!Aziraphale to express that his previous belief was incorrect, and then it’s yeeted like that belief never existed. Accountability, apologising, asking forgiveness, all of that would require conscious!Aziraphale to retain awareness of the offending prior belief and prior action. Believing he did a bad thing before breaks his ability to believe that as an angel he is incapable of doing bad things. He doesn't need to believe the absolutist stuff all the time, but it can't coexist in conscious awareness with the knowledge that he has been wrong. It is a known problem with shame responses, they sometimes motivate us to eliminate our awareness of our actions rather than motivate us to make amends.

When Wee Morag is mortally wounded, Aziraphale decides he is going to break heaven's rules, and asserts that the thing he will do, which isn't allowed by heaven, is the right thing to do. Since Uz Aziraphale has been able to believe that the policy of the institution of heaven is wrong and has been willing to go against it. He can shuffle that belief in when needed, and then shuffle it back out to go back to his day to day believing in heaven most of the time. His inclination to break the rules to save Wee Morag is in keeping with that shuffling ability, but we can observe that he slips into it a lot more comfortably than he used to, though not as comfortably as we might like, and not fast enough to save her.

People Get a Choice

What stands out in this era is his continued attachment, just previously in the minisode, to the idea that angel = good and demon = evil. For all he is willing to believe heaven is wrong, he will not let go of categorising the angels as ‘good,’ even into the modern era. It is deeply tied to his internal understanding of his personal relationship to God as an angel, and therefore his sense of self. He knows the other angels would deliberately let Wee Morag die. But the other angels are still angels, and therefore ‘good.’ Crowley, who is working to alleviate human suffering, is ‘evil’ so long as he remains a demon.

The exact phrasing is: "I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice." As for Crowley being evil, yes, Aziraphale thinks Crowley is nice. Yes, he thinks Crowley is a good person. Yes, he 100% loves Crowley as he is. But Crowley’s existence is conceptually evil in the abstract through no fault of his choices. Humans can choose. Crowley can't. Aziraphale’s attachment to this point drives most of the serious conflict between them. The worst things Aziraphale says to Crowley are on this theme. So why is he so defensive of it 5800 years in? What is this position doing for him? What does believing this save him from believing instead?

What Aziraphale is protecting himself from is the existential crisis of the pointlessness of it all. He is keeping himself from believing that the entire set up of the sides of good and evil, and humanity having the choice between good and evil, is all a sham. He is protecting himself from believing that he has no side. That there cannot ever be an idealised heaven that represents good. It isn’t just unachievable, it is incoherent. That his behaviour isn’t about furthering the cause of the greater good, he’s just doing what makes himself happy and deciding that is the right thing after the fact. That his sense of what feels right is no substitute for actual ethical principles. To prevent himself from processing all that, he will believe that Crowley is ‘evil’ in the abstract.

Aziraphale's mind likes to protect itself from responsibility. "You're an angel, I don't think you can do the wrong thing." Aziraphale grasped at straws to take that at face value from a fallen angel, but he grabbed that straw and he didn't let it go. Believing angels are inherently naturally good helps support his inclination to intuit morality. He can just let his innate angel vibes tell him what the right thing is (it’s whatever feels right to do) and he can be confident that is good, because he was an angel when he wanted to do it, and he is still an angel after having done it.

However, this is a very precarious defence for a lot of reasons. If we are working with a definition of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ that have no relationship to personality or behaviour, that’s not very reassuring. Aziraphale cant prove to himself his actions are morally good actions if his continued status as an angel is utterly unconnected to his actions. If angelic / demonic status defining celestials as good and evil is connected to actions or inclinations, how does Aziraphale parse the questionable actions of the other angels, and does he think less of Crowley? I suspect that for the most part he is generating definitions moment to moment that serve the interests of whatever else he is trying to believe at the time. Entirely abandoning the association of good/angel and evil/demon feels too much like abandoning his internal concept of God, so he won’t. Thinking Crowley is a bad person because he is a demon would be equally horrific, so he won’t do that either. He will roll through shifting definitions and avoid looking too hard at the consequences of his positions.

One option for what he can believe that I suspect has been growing stronger, is believing that God has a plan for Crowley that involves a deliberately unjust fall, to return him from later. It solves a lot of the above conflicts. He doesn’t have to consider if Crowley had a choice in becoming a demon, he doesn’t have to believe Crowley ever ‘did the wrong thing’ voluntarily while an angel, it makes it easier for him to rationalise that he is personally incapable of doing the wrong thing, it helps him rationalise his own relationship with Crowley. The only real downside is the part where Crowley would never in a million years endorse this viewpoint, and at some level Aziraphale must be aware of that because he doesn’t tend to express anything like this openly. However it very much looks to me like the missing piece that makes everything else fit. See end note.

Obviously!

Sometimes thinking Crowley's fall is part of an ineffable plan won't stop Aziraphale from being petty about Crowley's demonic status when that opinion isn't on his mind. "We may have both started out as angels, but you are fallen." It might be the rudest version of all of Aziraphale's 'holier than thou' moments, and in the context of what Crowley had likely recently been through, that was really unnecessarily mean.

Now for one of my more counter intuitive takes; Aziraphale is mean to Crowley because he puts him on a pedestal. When you believe someone is so magnificent, so perfect, so destined, you can believe nothing you do or say is capable of causing them harm. Then you can get really careless, particularly if the person you're putting on a pedestal doesn't readily show you their pain. If they are so grand, and your opinion doesn't have any value anyway, why bother considering what you say?

When asked for holy water, Aziraphale's mind goes to a suicide pill, because Aziraphale could not cope with being a demon. He’s had a lot of time to think about it now, he has come to understand that Crowley really isn’t “free to do whatever [he] want[s]” and I think he would genuinely prefer not to exist than to be in Crowley’s position. He projects his feelings about how horrible it would be for him onto Crowley, but also thinks Crowley is the stronger one, and the better one. Crowley just got back from being yanked down to hell for doing a good deed. A good deed that involved bullying Aziraphale into giving his money away, which he wouldn’t have done on his own. Crowley’s good deed for which he was likely tortured involved pressuring an angel into doing the right thing, after Aziraphale had been too slow to properly help the humans, while accurately sassing him for not understanding the impacts of poverty on humanity. It's not hard to see why Aziraphale might believe Crowley would prefer not to be a demon. There are times he makes a better angel than Aziraphale. Although to be fair, Crowley did overdo it on that hole.

Date Night

A toast ‘to shades of grey’. Aziraphale’s choice of words, Aziraphale’s choice to make it a toast. It’s an interesting pair of choices. Aziraphale has been in the middle with Crowley for thousands of years, but this is the moment he lets himself acknowledge the value of shades of grey. What does it mean, given everything Aziraphale has already done? Aziraphale had been believing everything he had done was 100% good, he just had convoluted justifications. Now his convoluted justifications only get him as far as very light grey, and he is finally starting to make his peace with that.

Does that mean he isn’t thinking of himself as 100% aligned with God? I think sometimes yes, but also sometimes no. The other option is that he doesn’t think God is 100% good anymore. Each version represents a massive shift. If we understand Aziraphale’s journey to being at peace with himself as a Daoist one, and I think there is a lot of subtext to that effect, Daoism doesn’t do absolutist good and evil. Things just… are. The divine isn’t a refined extreme. The Dao isn’t ‘good.’ It is. Full stop. I think Aziraphale will consider God less good more readily than he will consider himself misaligned with Her.

Why now? Because he realised, fully into his conscious awareness, that he was in love with a demon, as a demon. Nothing else fits the toast because nothing else changed in terms of Aziraphale’s philosophical alignment. Many flashbacks have brought us new things Aziraphale is willing to do that might distance himself from the ranks of the institution of heaven. Nothing new happened on that front in 1941. Many flashbacks have shown Aziraphale having new ways he is willing to understand the human world. Nothing new happened on that front in 1941. Something shifted in the way he understands his sense of self and his relationship to God, and one of the few things that still ties back to that is the role of angels and demons in the universe. It wasn’t what he was willing to do that broke new ideological ground, it was what he was willing to feel.

That willingness to feel broke a psychological wall for Aziraphale, and I believe with that wall down he can now think of himself and Crowley as somewhat ‘human aligned’ when it comes to certain aspects of their morality. Aziraphale talks with Crowley about the shades of grey they prefer. The way the term prefer is used here implies they have options. Options implies a choice. Choice was supposed to be for people. They may not have the ability to choose their employer, but they are both choosing to be a bit grey, and now they can say it to each other out loud. I will come back to this point in a future post.

You Go Too Fast For Me

He knows he is in love with a demon, but he still isn’t ready to act on it. He says maybe one day. I think all of him wants Crowley, but not all of him wants to want a demon. I think some of the fandom doesn’t want to process this about Aziraphale, but really think about it. If Crowley was an angel rescuing him and the books in the church, then in the 60’s offering to take him anywhere he wants to go, do you really think he would still say no? There is of course a conflation between their roles on opposite sides of celestial conflict and Crowley’s metaphysical status as a demon. It's the being on opposite sides that's the problem. I don’t think Aziraphale has any sort of disgust reaction or aversion to demonic features or demonic energy. But the metaphysical status of demon is the origin of their opposite sides situation, and Aziraphale isn’t prepared to feel like that is entirely arbitrary, even if it’s part of a bigger ineffable plan. Too fast isn’t a forever no, it’s check back later. Aziraphale knows it will ‘feel right’ down the line, and I don’t think that depends on demonic status going away, just on him needing time to process his feelings. For Aziraphale’s lifetime, 1941-1967 is the blink of an eye.

Part 6/10

End Notes

On willful ignorance: In my opinion, IRL willful ignorance mostly takes the form of a motivated lack of awareness. If a particular perspective, interpretation, relevant factor, explanation, ect… doesn’t line up with a person’s sense of self or behaviour, it stays out of awareness because the background mechanisms of the mind work to keep it out of awareness. The information they do not absorb is targeted. It isn’t random, it follows a strategy, and yet, they have no idea that they are doing it. It is… exhausting… to engage with that.

On pedestals: It has been observed that the level of misogyny in a country correlates very highly with a tendency to put women on pedestals. The more prevalent attitudes about how wonderful and perfect women are for doing all the womanly things so well predicts both a strong demand that women conform to those expectations and harsh penalties when they don't. Putting a person on a pedestal is a way to feel like you are honoring that person when you are actually threatening them.

On God having a plan for Crowley: I’ll be going into further detail as to why I think Aziraphale believes this and what it means in a future post, probably the final post. The closest we see him get to expressing this perspective to Crowley is the “May you be forgiven,” and if that is where he was going with it, that was like, the worst way he could possibly have put it. I do wonder if the 1941 apology dance could have come from Aziraphale telling Crowley he thinks God has a martyr plan for him. I think internally acknowledging that he was in love could have led to him saying it, and I think Crowley would be very valid in wanting an apology if he had. That said, I think the apology dance could also be explained by Aziraphale almost getting them caught with the magic show, and taking his time to reveal that he had swapped the photos.

While we're talking about old apology dances, I think the 1650 one probably had something to do with Anne Greene.

#good omens #good omens meta #go meta #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #what does aziraphale actually believe

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bestworstcase · 3 months

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You’ve mentioned a few times that Salem is awkward, could you get into you’re reasoning and evidence for this characterization (as she is currently)? I’m fascinated by this reading and fully persuadable. Her origin story being the tower, it makes sense she’d be a little socially stunted but she was charismatic enough then to convince others to fight for her through words alone (tho that is different from in person social skills (to that point she persuaded kingdoms to revolt against the gods)). Millions of years of isolation wouldn’t put a shine on amicability, but these things /inform/ characterization. I’m interested in what you see in her as awkward in how she’s presented to us in the Current Era (Remnant Era?)

this post regarding her interrogation of oscar in 8.4 is salient because that's the scene that rly convinced me she's being written this way on purpose. there's a lot of contributing factors, though:

both then (fomenting rebellion) and now (recruiting hazel), salem's standard approach to getting people on her side involves basically walking up and "demonstrating her powers," i.e. inviting or just letting the person she's trying to sway kill her over and over again until they're willing to hear her out. she can (and did) make a compelling enough argument for people to follow her, but the way she chooses to make people listen is by subjecting herself to extreme violence.

further, it's shown in V8 that even within her own inner circle, there is a lot of confusion regarding what salem wants—so much so that tyrian and hazel think diametrically opposed things. why does this confusion exist? ozpin (and most of the fandom) believe it is because salem lies; but a) salem hates lies and liars, and b) the idea that salem herself is deceitful is founded on things jinn says of her in the lost fable, which is a verifiably unreliable narrative. if we look at the two onscreen instances of salem speaking of her goals—"the moment you put your desires before my own" and "in pursuit of a new world"—what strikes me about both is her vagueness.

when cinder questions her in V5, salem answers in a very oblique way: "working with bandits? leaving ruby alive? what's the point!?" -> "never underestimate the usefulness of others; take leonardo. he was one of ozpin's most trusted, but now…" both the bandit (raven) and ruby were or are among ozpin's "most trusted," and salem's point is that she wants to turn both of them against ozpin (like leo and summer). but she does not actually Say That. i made this analogy in the oscar interrogation post but i'll make it again: the way salem answers cinder's question is like showing her work on a math problem but not actually giving the answer. a lot of salem's dialogue is like this: she talks in examples, hints, and implications.

in fact the one time we have ever seen salem clearly state what she means is after ozma asks her "what are you saying?" <- i find this to be significant not only because it flags that other characters find salem's speech to be opaque or unclear sometimes, but because salem answers him honestly and without any hesitation, which indicates that she was not trying to be vague or obfuscate her meaning on purpose. asked for clarification, she clarifies.

then there is what she says to ozma once he tells her the whole truth: "why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans when we could replace them with what they could never be?"—now i am not going to get into my whole theory here, suffice it to say that i think that by "them" salem meant the gods in accordance with her longstanding ambitions—but the salient piece for this discussion is that this bolded phrase is a direct paraphrase from the final lines of 'the shallow sea' and i do think that that is, given the preponderance of thematic links between salem and the faunus, probably intentional, i.e. salem is quoting that myth to express her rejection of ozma's mandate (compare ozma's reliance on fairytales to communicate and make sense of his existence.)

lastly, there are several occasions when salem is talking (to her inner circle in 6.4, or to ironwood in 7.11, or oscar in 8.4) only to be interrupted with unexpected new information (ozpin is back; ruby used the lamp; oscar is fronting). in the first two examples, salem responds by either kicking everyone else out or leaving herself. see the linked post for a more thorough breakdown of her conversation with oscar, but suffice it to say that she responds in a very awkward and disjointed way before she's able to get herself back on track.

so we have a pattern of:

speaking vaguely or being cryptic, in a manner that other characters explicitly find to be confusing,

clarifying readily the one time she's asked for clarification,

paraphrasing the concluding lines of a myth about people embracing change and leaving their old selves behind to live their truth in a new world that is harsh but free, in order to articulate her rejection of "redemption" and the divine mandate,

and ending conversations very abruptly when interrupted mid-speech.

and this pattern exists in correlation with a pair of soliloquies whose language is markedly more eloquent, even poetic, and delivered with a clarity and emotional smoothness that is often lacking from her spoken dialogue.

what this suggests, to me, is that salem struggles to articulate her thoughts (the soliloquies) into words (her dialogue), and that she deals with it with preparation—by planning out what she intends to say and how she'll say it in advance. that she relies heavily on scripts and rehearses speeches and conversations in her head specifically to avoid having to speak off the cuff, in essence.

(and i think this is generally the basis for ozma's distrust and doubts: she told him the truth but in a really confusing and cryptic way that didn't always make sense. if she wasn't coherent—and how could she be after millions of years alone?—of course he wasn't sure whether he could believe what she said!)

basically, i think she's capable of being compellingly persuasive only under particular circumstances (planned speeches given to an audience primed to listen to what she says by violent, spectacular demonstrations of her immortality), and she flounders in ordinary conversation because a) she struggles to find the right words to express her meaning clearly, b) her natural affect is blunted and sometimes erratic (<- "well… :) perhaps you and i can have a better working relationship……… >:( oscar, was it? /:"), and c) she knows both of these things make her come across as an insincere liar.

<- there is a performative aspect to… nearly every scene in front of her inner circle or her enemies; that informs this reading too. as does the fact that there are many, many characters who are tangibly more charismatic than she is—ozpin, blake, oscar, cinder, robyn, ruby, yang—whereas the character whose manner of speech most resembles salem's is pyrrha, who speaks in an overly formal way and explicitly feels socially isolated and unable to form real connections with people.

#it's also not just the tower #it's the millions of years being the only living person on the planet #i think part of it is she's so accustomed to having nothing and no one to talk to except herself #like a lot of her Being Cryptic comes across as salem #really needing the other person to ask clarifying questions bc she doesn't know how to organize information cogently #but she's surrounded by people who Don't Ask Questions

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sophieinwonderland · 2 months

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Wishing for anti-endos to loose all their friends and spaces and to be ostracized does not help pro-endos. It makes anti-endos even more set in their beliefs. It makes people who are on the fence go "yikes, I guess the anti-endos are right". I'm firmly pro-endo and your recent post makes me want to take some distance. This isn't how we gain allies.

I know, these people suck. I know, it hurts to constantly be excluded and hated for the way our brains work or the reason why they work that way. I know, many anti-endos are too far gone and aren't people that you or I can reason with unless they decide to unpack their shitty beliefs.

But posts threatening them is not the way to go. They already see us as the enemy. We don't need to add fuel to the fire. Let's make sure people who are on the fence or who don't know much about non-traumagenic systems see us acting in ways that make them want to listen to our side instead of the fakeclaimers. Let's make sure anti-endos who are starting to rethink their beliefs feel like it's safe for them to do so and to start listening to pro-endos.

I'm sure this post is gonna get lots of interaction. But if it makes people less likely to read your studies, to listen to your arguments, to hear out the systems messaging you about their experiences? That's all for nothing.

I... actually think adding fuel to a fire can be useful sometimes. As long as you can keep it a controlled burn.

I'm counting on most anti-endos on Tumblr who would be scrolling through the syscourse tag already having me blocked. They won't see my post.

I'm counting on neutrals probably not following my blog or the syscourse tag either one. And most of those that do follow syscourse have already made their minds up about me.

I made that post for a very specific audience. One that doesn't actually need anyone to fuel its fire because they've built an entire community on seeking out systems to mock and attack. They already cherry pick the worst posts they can find to keep their friend group indoctrinated. So adding one more to the pile shouldn't matter to that specific group.

I don't think anything I say is actually going to make them hate the endogenic community more than they already do because they're surrounded constantly by people who will always reinforce that very generalized hate.

But I do think I can direct that hate they already have. Focus it as much as possible on one specific person. Me.

And the more they see me as a threat, (whether or not I am,) the more hateful they respond to me, the more their community will crack.

Users will be more likely to break their rules, making moderation in their subreddit more difficult for the unpaid mod team who will hopefully start rethinking how much of their life they want to dedicate to a hatesub moderating an angry userbase with nothing to show for it.

And while a slim hope, I'm waiting for them to be pushed far enough for Reddit to ban the whole subreddit.

So yeah. I don’t mind tossing as much fuel on the fire as possible if there's a chance their ableist hatesub burns.

Besides... I'm not actually saying anything untrue.

Plurality IS going to become more accepted. They ARE losing the scientific argument. And anti-endos and cringizens WILL lose friends and community support as plural acceptance spreads unless they're willing to change. A safe space for endogenic systems can never be one that houses anti-endos.

This is not a threat. This is a promise. It's a natural result of progress. And I'll do my part to accelerate this. But it's going to happen with or without my involvement.

I'm just making sure that when it does and they go looking for someone to blame because things have gone bad in their lives and their bigotry caught up with them, they'll direct their anger toward me instead of anyone else.

(Although maybe they can direct it inwards too since, you know, it was their fault for being bigots. But I think that would be too much to ask for.)

#syscourse

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thatseventiesbitch · 2 months

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Hi!! I would love to hear what you think Donna's consistent main flaws are since people accuse the writers of making her too perfect?! I kind of love that Eric the 'softer' one in that relationship - it's a great subversion of gender roles, especially for that era!

Thanks for the question! I enjoyed answering it - it turned into a little essay.

Donna's Flaws

Donna, like all of the main characters, has flaws. I don't think she was painted as perfect at all, but rather as a realistic teenage girl experiencing her first serious relationship, the disintegration of her parents' marriage, and the social conflicts of the '70s.

For example, she was not always the best at communicating - especially with Eric. See: S2xE21 "Kelso's Serenade". She and Eric got into a massive argument because she wasn't honest about her feelings, and that she was bothered by him hanging out with his friends instead of her. Or in S3xE15 "Donna's Panties". She tells Jackie:

Why doesn't Eric understand that when I said I'm fine I meant I will be fine... so long as he kisses my ass for two weeks until I'm actually fine? He's like, brain damaged.

Donna expects Eric to read her mind, and then gets upset with him when he doesn't. Is it annoying? Yes. A flaw? Yes. Also highly relatable, especially for high school relationships? Also yes. Plus, Red and Kitty have shades of this in their relationship, too.

Another flaw? Donna's stubborn. (So is Eric)

In S3xE11 "Who Wants It More", Donna is the one who breaks their impasse and initiates sex at the end of the episode, but when Eric starts to gloat about winning their competition she's willing to walk away rather than admit she gave in first. In S7xE23 "Take It Or Leave It", she's upset by Eric's decision to go to Africa without talking to her, so she makes up a fake date with one of her co-workers to try to make Eric jealous/rethink his choice. In S5xE9 "Black Dog", she fights with Eric throughout the entire episode about whether it's better to give your partner attention/extra love when they're upset, or space. Etc.

And lastly, despite everything she outwardly projects, Donna ends up being a fairly dependent character. Is this a flaw? Not necessarily. It's just an interesting dichotomy - Donna yearns to be fiercely independent and seems to inherently value that, but at the core of who she is, she's not.

Unlike Kelso she doesn't enjoy the California beaches, but instead is miserable all summer until Eric arrives. She accepts Eric's proposal (in high school!). She doesn't get on the bus - she delays college to stay in Point Place with Eric. She buys the trailer. She waited around in Point Place for a year while Eric was in Africa. She says things like,

"My guidance counselor gave [these college brochures] to me, but I already told him that I'm going wherever you go." (S5xE7 "Hot Dog")

and

"I mean, Eric, I loved [Marquette], and when I was driving home, I was so excited to tell you about it, and then the drive took forever, and I realized that's how far away I'd be from you all the time, and I don't want that. So I'll just tell my dad I want to go to U.W. with you." (S5xE6 "Over The Hills And Far Away")

and

"I don't want you to go. You've always been like, twenty steps away from me my entire life. What am I supposed to do without you?" (S7xE23 "Take It Or Leave It")

I think to dismiss or deny this pattern as "out of character" is to ignore an important part of Donna's characterization: she's really dependent. On Eric, yes. But as soon as she and Eric break-up, what is her modus operandi? To start dating a new boyfriend.

I just think it's interesting, and not often (or ever?) discussed. Worth noting that these instances are most pronounced in the second half of the series, and that Donna wasn't this way in the earlier seasons. What happened midway through the series? Her parents split up/mom abandoned her/her family disintegrated. Hmmm.

#thanks for the ask!#that 70s show #that '70s show #that 90s show #that '90s show #eric and donna #eric x donna #donna pinciotti #eric forman #my essays #ask #answered #anon

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the-badger-mole · 10 months

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When You Burn a Bridge

It had already been an awful week. Finding his sister sitting outside of his apartment building was just the latest on the pile of indignities he'd had to suffer that week. Zuko considered turning around and heading back to his girlfriend's place, but Azula spotted him before he could make his escape.

"Big brother," Azula drawled, her mouth turning up into a smirk. "It's been too long."

"Azula," Zuko grumbled. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood." The sarcastic edge of Azula's voice grated on Zuko.

"After three years, you just so happen to find yourself in my neighborhood? At midnight? What do you want?" Azula's brow drew downward and she scowled at Zuko. He scowled right back. What kind of reception did she expect, though? It was late, Zuko had studying to do, and oh yeah, his sister's mere presence was unearthing traumas from his past he'd spent years in therapy working through.

"Fine," Azula huffed. "I need a place to stay." That Zuko wasn't expecting.

"Excuse me?"

"I can't stay with Dad anymore," Azula explained, pushing her immaculately styled hair back. "He's become an absolutely nightmare about how he wants me to run the company, and he refuses to hear my ideas on how to modernize it. So, I just decided I don't want to do it. He threw a hissy fit and told me to get out, so here I am." Zuko noticed for the first time the suitcase beside the bench Azula sat on. Her words spun through his mind over and over until it became a hum of white noise.

"He's become a nightmare?" Zuko repeated. 'Become? I've got news for you. That man has always been a nightmare. You were just too busy playing Golden Child to pay attention. It sucks that you had an argument with him, but I fail to see why that should involve me. Why don't you go stay with one of your friends?" Azula's mouth pinched tightly, and she forced a nonchalant shrug.

"Mai is abroad with her parents," Azula explained. "Ty Lee has been avoiding me because she can't take a little constructive criticism."

"Okay, and what about someone else?" Zuko pressed. "I'm sure someone's willing to let you crash on their couch."

"If anyone else could take me in, don't you think I would've called them?" Azula's eyes flashed furiously. "You think I'd be at this dump? Dad cut me off completely. I can't even get a hotel room for the night. I can't let anyone else know what's happening. I'd be humiliated! I just need somewhere to lie low until Dad's hissy fit is over."

"You can't stay with me," Zuko said firmly.

"Why not?" Azula demanded. She actually stomped her foot. It would have been comical under any other circumstances.

"Azula, you made my life miserable for 17 years! You stood by and laughed while Ozai treated me like dirt. You set me up to get me into more trouble whenever you could. You used my first girlfriend to spy on me and used what you got to get Ozai to kick me out! You wonder why I don't want anything to do with you?"

"Why won't you just let that go?" Azula demanded. "It was years ago! I was a kid! You're really going to hold that against me? I'm not that person anymore!"

"I was a kid, too!" Zuko snapped back. "Azula, you tortured me for years! On top of what you knew I was getting from Ozai. I'm glad you've turned over a new leaf, or whatever, but I don't want anything to do with you. Best of luck, and have a nice life."

"So that's just it?" Azula demanded. "I come to you for help and you're just turn me out into the cold?"

"What do you want from me, Azula?" Zuko threw his hands up. "To take you in, let you sleep in my apartment? Pretend that you weren't part of the reason I got thrown out of my own home at 17? You never reached out to make sure I was okay. You won't even acknowledge how messed up what you did to me was! I don't owe you anything! You can't burn bridges and then get mad that people won't cross the river for you!"

"Cute," Azula snorted. "You get that bit of wisdom from dear Uncle Iroh?" Zuko felt heat rush through him. His uncle was the only reason he hadn't ended up homeless. Azula had never showed Iroh any respect, and it had always infuriated Zuko. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of crumpled bills.

"Here," he said shoving it at Azula. "That should be enough for a night at the hostel. I suggest you take the time to figure out your next move. I'm done with you." Zuko brushed past Azula and started to open the door to his building. He paused with his key in the door, and glanced back at his sister. She stood looking shocked, and maybe just a bit afraid. Zuko sighed.

"Go see Uncle in the morning," he said. "He probably won't let you stay with him, but he knows a lot of people. He can help you find someplace to stay."

#atla #zuko and azula #zuko #anti azula #technically #i guess #azula alone #THE YEAR OF CONTENT!!!!

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licncourt · 2 years

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final thoughts on the end of ep 5

I don't have any desire to continue talking about this, so I'm going to hit my main responses to discourse I've been seeing and also points that have come up in my asks

I absolutely do not accept that what occurred on episode 5 was in character for Lestat, HOWEVER, Lestat is absolutely an abusive partner and father in IWTV. He's cruel and controlling, he makes empty threats to Louis to get his way, he's insensitive and volatile and his temper gets the better of him constantly. He is very, very bad. In TotBT, he sexually assaults a mortal woman and turns a human friend into a vampire against his will, the vampire equivalent of rape. Lestat is an objectively evil character. No one rational is disputing that. We are disputing this specific scenario/character choice.

I'm including an excerpt of the one physical fight that's actually described in IWTV, the worst one Louis says they had (other is only described with an extremely brief mention of "we grappled")

There are two other instances of Lestat being physical with Louis. I'll leave those here (he is never physically violent with Claudia, nor does he ever threaten her, both according to Louis).

This is all awful and it's domestic violence! Lestat IS an abusive partner and he absolutely deserves what he gets in this book. And yet, it is still not the same as physically assaulting his Claudia, smashing Louis through furniture and wall after wall as the house falls down around them, sitting on Louis and beating him with all his strength while Claudia screams, leaving Louis so injured he can't move, slitting his throat, reaching in, dragging him down the hall by the trachea, draining him of blood in a vampire sexual assault, flying up as high as an airplane, and dropping Louis onto the concrete.

I don't want to hear any pedantic, bad faith takes about how there's no difference here. The power imbalance alone changes things drastically. A fight scene is not the same as a torture scene. If you think these two examples are equivalent, you're being intentionally obtuse for the sake of argument or have no reading comprehension.

Would Louis actually have been willing to kill Lestat in that fight? Maybe, considering his perception of Lestat at that time. Clearly Lestat was not willing to kill or injure Louis. What matters most though is that they were FIGHTING. It was mutual and the power dynamic was FAR more balanced. Louis was holding his own, and when Lestat’s superior strength allowed him to gain control, he ended the fight. Period.

On that note, I keep seeing the end of ep 5 being called "a fight scene". It was not a fight scene. It was extended, one-sided torture. A fight scene is what happens in the first excerpt.

I am not opposed to there being physical violence in their relationship. Louis and Lestat have physical fights is canon and, as an anon pointed out, it would've been an excellent choice to have Louis and Lestat come to blows, Lestat injure Louis by accident and then stop, and have the narrative move forward with Claudia’s plotting revenge. This isn't about not wanting any violence in the relationship. No one who is a fan of the book has any issue with that. We have an issue with THIS.

While the subtext is VERY present, Louis and Lestat are not depicted in an explicit romantic relationship in the first book. Getting in a physical fight with someone you're attracted to is not the same as making an effort to torture your husband/long term partner to death. What occurred was not pure fantasy violence either, but a brutally realistic depiction of extreme domestic violence, just ratcheted up to 10 with vampire powers. There's a reason so many viewers found it extremely triggering. It was detailed and specific to the trauma experienced by abuse survivors to the point of being shockingly excessive

Even in a Gothic TV show, there was NO reason for a fan to expect what happened in ep 5. The showrunners repeated multiple times that this was "more of a Gothic romance than Gothic horror", that they were toning down/changing upsetting elements from the book to make it more palatable to a modern audience, that they wanted to be racially sensitive by creating a more equal dynamic for Louis and Lestat, and that Lestat was meant to be an amalgamation of his full canon character. Instead, they showed something exponentially worse than ever occurred between Loustat at any point in time and did so with maximum shock value. So no, "what did you expect?" is not a valid argument.

Lestat does terrible, violent things to other characters in the books, like David. This doesn't change the fact that a consistent, omnipresent tenet for Lestat’s character is not harming Louis and Claudia (yes, that's a bit hypocritical with those two smacks, but Lestat has never once injured Louis or Claudia). Louis and Claudia are sacred, always the exception. It's part of what makes so many people love Loustat.

This is from TotBT, the book where Lestat is his most violent and cruel. It's also the angriest he has ever been at Louis in canon, and this is his response. After this, he lets Louis kiss his cheek and then walks away. Even after Claudia stabs him and Louis helps her dump his body in the swamp, he doesn't make any aggressive or threatening advances on them upon his return. In TVL, he says he isn't/wasn't angry, that he deserved it and would've done the same in their position.

I've seen a lot of people say that this might be a lie/an exaggeration/a false memory. I don't care if it is because the showrunners still crossed a massive line in using extreme domestic violence and rape for shock value. It was traumaporn and depicting it like that after the stated goals of the show were so different violated many viewers' trust. Even if they hadn't made those claims, it would still be in very bad taste to say the least. And no content warning even after ep 1 had one for suicide tells you how seriously the creators took these issues.

I've seen the "lol I can excuse murder but I draw the line at domestic violence" posts and all I can say is: in this case, yes??? They're fairytale monsters killing NPCs for food. There are no vampires in the world. No one is being murdered by having their blood sucked. You know what IS real? Domestic violence situations very similar to the ones portrayed, just without the flying. THAT'S what impacts our perception of a character. When the fantasy monster becomes a little too real.

In conclusion, extreme violence is not OOC for Lestat. THIS extreme violence very much was.

#please do not argue with me on this #people have asked my opinion and this is it and the reasons i believe what i do #i'm not going to be engaging further #vc #interview with the vampire #amc hot takes

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