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astermath · 10 months

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nemesis; part two.

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: with carmen reworking the restaurant, you’d think his mind would be far too occupied to even think about anything else. yet he can’t shake the guilt from what he’d put you through a month prior. after some talks in therapy, he decides to take a leap of faith and see if he can talk it out with you. he not only wants to convince you that he can be better, but he's got an offer for you too. one you truly can't refuse.

♡ landing page ♡

word count: 4.9K

tags: carmen being unsure about his feelings but trying to be better episode 3265742, letting reader in a little more, APOLOGIES!!!, cursing ig, carm goes to therapy yippee, syd being the absolute realest, regular font below!

notes: sorry this took literally forever omg, I lost my carmen muse for a bit but we are SO back baby. I missed him so much and so sorry if some things don't follow the canon completely (I've been watching season 2 on and off bc I've been so busy lol BUT my fics never follow the canon completely anyways),, hope u guys enjoy and let me know if you'd like a part three ;))

lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list for further carmen berzatto related content! comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

Carmen’s life hadn’t known a moment of mental rest in ages. If you asked him when he last sat down with his thoughts or acknowledged his mental anguish, he probably would have said he couldn’t remember the last time. If ever.

With plans to completely revamp The Beef and everything that came with it, now his feelings should be the last thing on his mind. Renovation plans, unforeseen costs and a completely new menu, sure, he could worry his ass off about those, but feelings? Absolutely not. Good thing he was usually so good at suppressing those anyways.

So why was it that he couldn’t shake the thought of what he did to you?

Why, every time he had a moment to himself, would he be overtaken by this intense feeling of guilt? He didn’t even have to be alone, just a second of quiet and the image of you crying in distress would intrude on his thoughts.

It was getting to a point where he’d told his sister, Natalie, about it. Well, not all of it, he wasn’t even sure if he knew all of it. Just that he knows he hurt you, and that coming to terms with what he projected onto you might be a good first step in understanding himself better.

Or maybe it was something more along the lines of “I gotta talk my shit to some people”. Probably that.

To his surprise, it was actually helping. Besides the group therapy sessions where he’d talk about Mikey, the business and his future, he was talking to other people in his life too. Even told Sydney about you, kind of on accident. The words just seemed to… Flow out. It was probably the exhaustion doing its thing.

“I guess I just felt like,” he kept his eyes on the floor he was sweeping, “she was doing it all to fuck with me. I don’t even know where I got the sick idea that she had some obsession over me, but it— it drove me at the same time. It’s like her being on my heels at every aspect of culinary school just made me want to try even harder.”

“Maybe you painted her in that light because you knew it was a good way to keep pushing yourself.” Sydney spoke almost absentmindedly, sweeping the other side of the room. She listened to everything he said in the meantime, and though what he was telling her was a bit worrying, she was glad they got to have talks like this. Carmen often doesn’t like to bring up his past like that.

“Huh,” he paused sweeping for a moment, “yeah… yeah, maybe. Or maybe it was something else.”

Sydney wasn’t even sure he knew what he was referring to. It sounded like something entirely different, like a crush, but what kind of person treats their crushes like that?

Probably an overworked, pressured, overachieving culinary student with a dangerous need for validation. But she wasn’t about to tell him that.

“So yeah, I visited her restaurant, and… It just felt the exact same as back in New York, you know? Like she was rubbing it in my face again, and— and I know that sounds insane, or conceited, but I just can’t let it go. It’s like the thought of her is stuck to my brain like a stubborn piece of gum.” He wanted to smack himself for that stupid analogy, but what was said was said.

“So how’d you handle it?” Sydney’s head perked up, some of her braids now draping over her shoulders.

“Handle what?” Carmen became more and more uneasy the more he talked about you. Like his chest was tight, it was uncomfortable, but not in the way he was when the health inspection came by, it was different. Weirder. Unfamiliar. He didn’t like it, because he didn’t understand it.

“The talk with her.” She emptied the last bit of dust into the trash bag.

“Oh,” his mind took him back to the parking lot a month ago. The way he could almost taste the tears of your skin from how close he stood, he could hear the shakiness of your breath and the profound desperation in your voice when you apologized to him, when you really had no reason to.

If it was still so clear in his mind, then what must it be like for you?

“Carmen?” Sydney snapped him out of his oncoming train of thought.

“Yeah? Sorry, I— Uh, I don’t know it was…” He runs a hand through his hair, suddenly finding it in his best interest to look anywhere else but her face. “Bad. It was— It was bad.” He looks a bit shameful when he meets her eyes. “I fucked up. I like, went all New York boss on her. And then I just… Left.”

His colleague just stares at him for a moment. She knew what he was like when he snapped like that, but that was with his staff, people he liked. So how badly did he snap on you, a person he’d been resenting for years?

“I’m gonna go take out this trash, and uh… Head home.” She lifts the grey plastic bag she was holding. “But uh, Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“You got issues, man.” She has a bit of an awkward smile on her face, but he knows she means it. He knows she’s right. She usually is.

He nods, silently, letting her words sink in. He did have issues, everyone knew that, but most people didn’t just say it. That’s why he liked Sydney, she was so real, so honest. She was so good for the business, for the kitchen. And maybe her saying that to him was all part of grounding him in the reality of it all. Of his issues, just that they existed.

“Heard.” he says. His voice comes out raspier than he expected, like he’s struggling to say it.

“Goodnight, chef.”

“Night.”

He’d thought about what Sydney said the entire night. He does have issues, he knows that, he’s just mad at himself for letting everything get this far before seeking help. It scares him. Because it reminds him too much of Mikey. Or what he heard about him when things got bad.

He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes his brother did. Lock people out of his life just because it seems easier, because it’s better to minimize the damage than to figure out why you’re doing damage at all. And yes it’s uncomfortable, yes it’s scary, terrifying even. But he keeps being reminded of how it must feel for you.

It’s something he’d never considered before. He always thought he had you all figured out, all fake smiles and backhanded compliments to distract him. It never occurred to him to just… Ask. It was always just easier to assume. It fit his view of you and it kept him going, even if it was at the expense of ever getting to know you at all.

He’s hoping he can change that with a few text messages and a long, probably uncomfortable, talk over coffee. Just hoping, trying, that’s really all he can do. He’s well aware of how bad he is at communicating, but he has to give it a shot. For you, at least.

He stares at his phone screen for far longer than is necessary, continuously rereading the messages he’d typed. His eyes keep flicking to your contact, making sure he sent it to the right person. The only thing you two had texted about before was a time and place for him to try your new restaurant. His heart aches at the exclamation points and emojis you’d sent; you were so excited, and he drove all that excitement straight into the ground.

He closes his eyes and shuts off the phone. His chest hurts, like he’s been holding his breath the entire time. Maybe he has. You could have that effect on him, making it harder to breathe. He always wondered why he had such nervous reactions around you specifically. He always figured it had to do with your one sided rivalry, but it feels… Different. More complex.

Your eyes are finally peeled off your computer screen when numerous phone notifications alarm you. Truth be told, you’ve been trying your best to keep yourself occupied as much as possible. That usually helps when you get waves of emotions like this, keeping busy, distracting your mind from overthinking.

Ever since your last encounter with Carmen, you’ve been so on edge. Always trying to do something, anything, so you wouldn’t have to think about what happened, why he acted like that to you. Because you know if you did, you’d just start blaming yourself again, and you’d be back to square one.

Your eyebrows raise at the name of the contact. You were sure he’d blocked you, or at least deleted your number after last time. He was avoidant like that, and frankly, you weren’t sure if you wanted him to talk to you again after that anyways. Maybe it was just to drive the point home, make you feel even more worthless.

Still, you were curious. Even if it was just to cuss you out even more, at least you knew what to expect, right?

[carmen]: hey, I really want to talk to you about what happened last time.

[carmen]: well

[carmen]: I want to apologise

[carmen]: but I can’t do that like this

[carmen]: I’d much rather do it in person

[carmen]: if you’d let me

[carmen]: meet me at odette’s tomorrow around 10? coffee’s on me, I just want to talk

[carmen]: please

The last message was sent minutes later than the rest, while you were reading them. He was desperate for an answer, and though you wanted to hear him out, to talk to him, something in you felt off about the whole thing. Like he was just doing this to clear off his own guilt, only to then ditch you just like he ditched you after culinary school. Because you’re rivals, apparently. That’s what you do.

But then there’s something else in you too. The part that’s still nostalgic about New York with him. About the glances back and forth when you were timed on preparing certain things, about the way he’d stare at you when you got feedback, the ignorant bliss you lived in. When you still believed he might have liked you just a little.

That part of you takes the upper hand when you reply and take his offer. Your heart is in your throat, nerves overtaking you already and you weren’t even with him yet. He had that effect on you sometimes, making it harder to breathe.

You wondered what that meant.

Carmen sits alone at a booth, all the way at the back of the café he’d chosen. It’s rather quiet, as most Mondays are, yet at the same time, it’s so loud. Loud in the way he hears the clinking of every spoon against porcelain cups, the crinkling of a napkin and the not so subtle ticking of the clock above the entrance. 10:06. You were late.

Suddenly he's filled with more regret than he's ever felt before. He's not ready to see you again, only to be reminded of how he made you cry, and of his own tumultuous emotions and shortcomings that lead to this moment. It's surprising how fast the emotions he associates with you changed; he's not angry anymore, he's scared, guilty, nervous. He wants to see you so bad and yet he feels like you'd be better off never talking to him again.

It's too late to make a run for it when you finally walk through the door. Hair a little damp from the rain, just a bit disheveled from what he could only assume to be rushing over to the café. And that same angelic smile you offer to the barista that greets you, the same one you'd offer him every morning, whether he looked at you or not.

He had no choice but to look now.

Your smile falters into something more nervous, a little melancholic, when your eyes meet his across the café. Though you knew he was going to be there, something in you feels surprised to see him again. Maybe it’s because he isn’t yelling at you or throwing insults at your head this time. Or maybe because he’s actually looking you in the eye. Since when did he get so good at that?

You sit down across him, taking off your coat and putting your bag besides you.

“Hey.” You smile again, much more awkward this time.

“Hey.” He returns the same thin lipped smile.

It’s quiet for a few seconds. Carmen swears the whole café has gone silent in that moment, leaving the two of you to listen to the sound of your own breathing and heartrate picking up. You’re not sure where to look, not being used to being in such an intimate setting with him.

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Sorry I was late.”

You both talk over each other, and the urge to chuckle about it overtakes you. Carmen can’t help but smile as well. You seem nervous, and somehow that puts him a little more at ease. Like he’s not the only one who’s in their head about it.

“Sorry, I, uhm, yeah— I would like a coffee.” You scramble over your words. “Please.”

“Sure,” he nods, “and no worries.”

“Hm?”

“That you were late. I haven’t been here that long either.” He lied. He’d been there half an hour early, cursing himself for letting him sit along with his thoughts for that long and psyching himself out into almost leaving.

You both order and another heavy silence sits between you two. You both know why you’re there, what needs to be talked about. Yet neither of you know how to bring it up.

You’ve lived most of your lives believing this version of each other you had in your minds. Because it kept you grounded. Because it was easier. He never let you in and for the longest time, you were at peace with that. You could have a slightly distant view of who he was, your classmate, your rival. And he could do the same. Keep you out, pretend you were there to keep him on his toes, to always try to outdo him.

Those facades of each other don’t work anymore. The real world has forced you to reconcile with each other, whether you liked it or not.

Your coffee gets brought to your table, and both of you feel this urgency to say something, anything, at least.

“The pastries here are good too, if you want to get one.” He finally broke the awkward silence. He can start with talking about food, something he knows. If all else fails, resort back to that.

“I haven’t tried a pastry besides my own in a long time. Maybe I could learn a thing or two here.” You admit. He knows that feeling. He’s not nearly as adventurous with his food choices as he wants to be, but as a busy chef on the brink of a new entrepreneurship, it’s usually beef sandwiches and frozen meals.

“I think yours were better though.” He takes a sip of his coffee.

“Huh?” You look up, realizing you were avoiding eye contact by staring into your cup.

“The danish I tried at your place. It was fire.”

“Oh. Right. Thank you, we make everything from scratch.”

“I could tell.” He takes another sip. “I guess I— I kinda forgot to tell you that. In the heat of it all.” He huffs to himself. “Food was so good it made me upset.”

“Upset?” His word use frustrates you. Upset is when they forget to give you your sauce with your order. What happened back there was not upset. That was rage. Wrath. You raise an eyebrow and he realizes he said something wrong.

“Well, more than upset. Listen, I— We need to talk about what happened.” His blue eyes peer into your own. They’re almost distracting enough to avoid you noticing his fidgeting hands.

“I’m listening.” You lean back slightly in your seat. You’d played nice with Carmen all your life, given him every chance to return it. Now it was his turn to try.

"Right." Of course he has to talk. It's his fault, isn't it? He's the one who snapped-- why did he even imply you'd have to explain yourself? He runs a hand through his hair, and there he goes again, eyes darting across the café to find something to focus on as he sought out the right words. You'd almost find it endearing, how bad he is at this, if it wasn't so important to you.

"You don't do this often, do you?"

"What, like-- meeting up for coffee?"

"Talking about stuff. Your feelings and shit." You hid your slightly amused smile behind your coffee cup before taking a small sip.

"Oh. Yeah, no, I-- I don't. Not until recently." He takes a deep breath. Just like they had told him to. “I’ve been going to this therapy thing my sister recommended. S’not much, but… It’s a start. Talked about the restaurant, my brother—“

“Your brother?” Your eyebrows raise slightly.

“Yeah, my— my brother. Mikey.” He looks a bit surprised. He’s come to the shattering realization that he’s never told you anything about his personal life, ever. You don’t even know about one of the most important people in his life, his main drive. You’ve known each other for so long yet you know so little. “I never told you about him?”

“You never told me anything.” You answer curtly. “We never really… Talked, you know?”

“Yeah— yeah, you’re right. I just thought… Wow.” He smiles, more out of shock than anything. He feels so stupid. How immature is it to be feuding this much with a person who doesn’t know anything about you?

“I guess I really don’t know much about you either.” His fingers rake through his messy curls again. “Makes me feel like even more of an idiot for going off on you like that. Like I had you all figured out.”

“Yeah, that was uh... That was something." The mood shifts a little. His smile fades as soon as he sees the melancholy in your eyes return. Of course it wouldn't be that easy for you to forgive him, to feel better about all this. "You know, I never knew you thought of me like that." A small smile graces your features. Somehow it's sadder than the expression you had before.

"I mean, I knew you didn't like me. I was pretty much at peace with the fact that you were never going to like me, either. But I never thought you hated me that much." You sniffle, trying your hardest to blink away any oncoming tears. "Like your life, your entire career, would have been easier without me there at all."

His heart aches at the sight of you, all teary eyed and trying to be brave. You're much braver than him. Sadness is a much harder thing to express than anger. He's starting to figure that out more and more.

"I don't hate you." He starts. He sees the confusion contort your features, and he knows he's not making any sense. "I mean I did-- I did hate you. Or, maybe not you, just... The fucked up idea I had of you. And-- and that was on me, that was my own fault." He feels an urge to touch you; to rub your back, hold your hand, anything to comfort you. It's tearing him apart to know that he's the cause of all this.

"But why?" A single tear rolls down your cheek, leaving a wet streak on your skin in its wake. "Why did you think that about me? I-- I get that we had a little rivalry going but jesus Carmen, did you really think I spent my whole culinary school career trying to outdo you?"

"To be honest... Yeah." He feels ashamed. So ashamed. He hopes the waitress doesn't walk by and listen to any of this, see you crying, and make you feel even worse. "Cooking was always just... My thing. If I was good for anything, it would be that. So seeing you do so well at something I'd started to base my whole existence around, it made me jealous, so fucking jealous." He meets your eyes, even if it's hard. You have to know he's being sincere.

"And it's-- it's unfair, it's so unfair to you, I know, and I'm really fuckin' sorry. I'm trying to work on myself, on everything, and I hope I can prove that to you." His face has that red tint you recognize whenever he's nervous or stressed. You can tell this is taking a lot from him.

"Is that really all? You were just jealous?" Your voice is quieter, fragile almost.

"I don't know. I wanna think it's that simple but I really don't know. There's a lot I don't understand about me, or you, or us. My mind doesn't know how to react when I see you anymore I think, now that things are different." He takes a deep breath, like saying that took a physical toll on him. "You have this-- this weird effect on me, and I don't know how to cope with it. I think it was just easier to be mad at you than to be anything else."

Anger is easier to express than sadness. The easiest out of all emotions, actually. Sometimes a little too easy.

You look to the side, wiping your cheek with the back of your hand. You huff out something close to a laugh, and though he’s caught off guard by it, he doesn’t mind it. Even if you’re laughing at him, at least that means you’re not crying.

“You’ve got issues Berzatto. You know that?”

“Yeah. I’ve been told.” He smiles, and it’s heartfelt this time. Not nervous, or sad, or awkward. He’s happy to see you a little more at ease.

“It’s just really crazy to me.” You trace your finger over the edge of your coffee cup as you talk. “I spent so much time in culinary school looking up to you. And then I find out you were always just trying to keep up with me.”

Carmen’s eyebrows raise a little at your words. “Looked up to me?”

“Yeah, like… Your drive, your passion, it’s so impressive. Always looking to improve, to do better, it just— it inspired me to do better too. As cheesy as that may sound.” You smiled. “S’why I opened up in Chicago, you know.”

“Really? Huh.” He leaned back in his seat.

“Because I wanted to work with you. Or for you. Either would have been fine with me.” You sigh. “I like owning my own place, but… I don’t know, for some reason I always imagined us working together.” You smiled. “Is that stupid?”

“No,” he replied quickly, “no not at all, I— I totally get that.” He’s quiet for a few seconds, and you can practically hear the gears turning in his head when he stares at you for a moment.

“I mean you’re a remarkable chef, really, like— insanely remarkable, and, well, we’re revamping the restaurant completely right now. We need people— more people, new people, and so, I was wondering— or I’ve been thinking—“ He stops himself from losing his breath from all his rambling, before he freaks you out even more than he already has.

“I want you to come work for us at the Bear.” He puts his hands together, as if he’s about to beg. “Please.”

You can almost hear yourself blinking out of confusion. There’s suddenly no more loud silences, no, the café seems dead quiet for once. All you can do is stare at him, wait for a laugh, because clearly this was a joke right? There’s no way Carmen Berzatto, chef supreme, arch nemesis of yours, would want you anywhere near him, let alone work in his own establishment.

“I’m sorry?”

He feels stupid already. You had every reason to say no. He’d been the biggest asshole in the world to you, he’d kept his distance all his life, and now he expects you to be his employee. Or, well, colleague, more so.

“I’m uh— we’re redoing the restaurant entirely. New equipment, new staff, new everything.” He swallows; the thought of everything that needed to be done arises for a moment. “We need people that work hard, who know what they’re doing and who are passionate about it. And I barely know anyone who’s better at what you do than yourself.” He pauses, waiting for you to stop him. But you don’t.

“So I’m asking if you’d work for me. With me. It won’t be anything like old days, if anything I— I need to learn from you.” He scoffs at himself. “Could take a thing or two about how to communicate with my staff.”

You smile, and he genuinely thinks you’re about to start laughing at him. You chuckle, but it’s not mean, it’s honest. Cute.

“You know, you have great timing.” You grin.

“I do?” the smile on his face reflects the hope he feels.

“One of my chefs wants to take over the place for me. Well, has been wanting to. I haven’t had an exact reason to say yes to her yet.” You shrugged. “Guess I do now.”

“…Is that you saying yes?”

“It’s definitely not me saying no.” Your eyes meet his, and there’s something between you both that’s different now. It’s not like there’s a switch that’s been flipped. It‘s more like this conversation was the turning page of a new chapter.

“I’ll think about it. I want to see it first. Maybe talk to some of your staff.” Carmen’s chest strains a little when he thinks about you interacting with Richie. Then he’s reassured when he thinks about you interacting with Sydney or Marcus. You’d fit in well, you have great feeling for people.

“Yeah— yeah, I get that. Totally. I can arrange that. Uhm, we’re renovating right now, actually, it’s all really kinda wild, but if you wanna stop by, chat with Syd, or Nat, or talk about the plans, let me know. I’m sure they’d love to talk to you.” He’s not lying, you seem like you’d get along well with them. Especially Sydney. Your thinking processes are very similar to each other. And to his.

Carmen gets the bill, even though you try to pay for it.

“It’s just a coffee, just let me get this one.”

You let him have this one, simply because you can’t argue with him after the conversation you just had. You’re in too good of a mood after his proposition too.

He walks you to your car, hands in his pockets when you reach it. It’s cold outside, and his breath comes out in visible puffs of air. His nose is a little red, but you think it looks cute.

“Thanks for coming, by the way,” he starts, “I know you didn’t have to. Like— after how I acted to you. But— But I really do appreciate that you’re givin' me a chance here.” He’d always been confused about how positive and faithful you were in people. He never thought he’d be grateful for those exact features too.

“No worries, I… I had a good time. I’m glad we talked.” The keys jingle as you fidget with them. Among them is a keychain in the shape of a cherry, he recognizes it. It reminds him of how little you’ve both changed. And how much.

“Yeah.” He sighs. Relieved, almost. “Me too. But I’ll let you leave, might wanna tell your chef the good news.”

“Good news?” You quirk an eyebrow.

“That you’re selling them the business.”

“I haven’t decided yet, Carm.” You scoff. But he can tell you have, you look too excited about it all to not have your mind made up yet. It excites him too. Scares him a bit as well, but what’s a new chapter without a bit of tension?

“Right. Sorry.” He huffs. “Just text me when you wanna head over to see the place. It’s uh… It’s a work in progress, but it’s getting somewhere.”

“I believe you. I’m looking forward to it.” You lean back against your car a little.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“See y’around?” You unlock it and walk up to the driver’s side.

“Course. Uh, don’t be a stranger.”

You grin, leaning down to get into the vehicle. “Never with you, Berzatto.”

He watches you drive off, standing in the cold for far longer than any sensible person has any business standing there. But he feels good. He feels warm.

He thinks about what you said to him before you left. You were right, you were never a stranger to him. You were always like a constant in his life; whether you were actually present or not. And even if he didn’t know that much about you, which he was insistent on changing, you were never a stranger.

Never with him.

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pixiecaps · 1 month

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hi. im sorry if this is a weird question but. what makes you keep watching smps?? just, what motivates you if everytime things and characters and plotlines captivate you and they almost never end in a satisfactory way. it might be because im a newbie in myct but every server i learned about seems to just last very little or burn in a horible death. what makes you want to go again and again to new servers.

okay to start off here there’s two layers and one is more of a personal thing and another basically advice.

first i dont talk about this much but my brain just latches onto things and one of my longest lasting interests is on minecraft. probably since the game was released. i think ive probably watched more minecraft content than tv shows & movies in my entire life. because my brain just works that way

now second. i need to this to be clarified everyone has a different reason for sticking along and i think this is a wonderful question that so many mcyt bloggers would have different answers to that would provide a lot of cool insight and perspective. dont think the question is weird at all.

BUT for me i think it was around smplive which was 2019 that was rough that was really the first and only time that i wanted to stop watching minecraft completely. for a lot for a reasons rlly. and yet i didnt!!! and thats because i realized that i didnt want to let something i cherished and enjoyed be tarnished by the bad. its so important to allow yourself grace whenever something bad happens with mcyt content or creators themselves because you arent the one to blame for something turning sour. too much good and incredible content and communities come from these unfortunately ended smps and whatnot to just to be seen as that one thing. i think sometimes, out of spite even, i feel like I NEED TO NOT LET THESE THINGS BE OVERSHADOWED BY THE BAD. because so many smps are fucking wonderful experiences with amazing creators who dedicate so much time to them and who are so funny and talented and for them to not be recognized for that at all is a shame. i loved every smp ive watched and i dont regret watching any of them. theyve all given me so much joy and laughter and its important to remember that. so ig another part of it all is allowing yourself to appreciate the good and not let the bad stop you from experiencing all the future content thats made from mcyt that will be incredible. because there will be more smps and there will so many mcyt creators and the ball isnt gonna stop rolling. sometimes it just boils down to something as simple as not letting the bad experiences stop you from seeing the good the community has to offer. as well as for me outside of the content itself with smps the fanbases have singlehandedly taken a part of my heart. theres just so many wonderful people in these communities who have put out so much positivity that i cant possibly find myself regretting it or not going back in whenever the next smp drops.

much love anon hope that makes a little bit of sense

#pix asks aaaa #anon

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thevestigeofvanillaan · 1 year

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Daddy's Girl.

"i wouldn't say i called it if i hadn't. but i called it when i said it was a sick joke"

karma akabane x spoiled!reader.

content: smut, mention of weed, smoking, getting high, innocent reader, corruption, "daddy", bully!karma, enemies to lovers ig, belly bulge.

hey guys!! first karma post. also first post on the new "EARTH'S GRIMEY CRIES" page!! i lately have taken interest in the color palette for cyan, blue, dark blue, and darker shades of red. "The Delicate Sound Of Thunder" live concert by pink floyd was an influence on this particular page design, and i love it. it's always nice that i can create a whole new page when i get out of room on my navigation centers, or when i want to. hopefully my sp fans aren't too upset that i want to write about other shows/people!! i'll be posting drafts and finishing requests soon.

karma is such an asshole.

to everyone, not even just you.

having not known him pained you as you thought he'd hated you for no reason other than you're a "taut daddy's girl who gets daddy's money". which was unreliable truth that nobody except select few in the entire school system knew. karma was one of those people.

he knows everything about everyone, it's terrifying, honestly.

"talk of that brat" karma scoffs as you walk over to talk to your tutor, nagisa, who'd oddly enough been on speaking terms with karma regardless of their differences and past experiences.

"nagisa, i got a b on our recent test, can you help me more in the future?"

"i don't see why no—"

"maybe if instead of buying you ponies, your daddy bought you an education; you wouldn't be in such a pickle, darling."

you sigh and walk away, assuming the help is useless anyway, and karma was right. you were just not bright when it came to academics because you were raised with everything a kid dreams of.

but he catches up to you.

"no hard feelings, princess?"

"no hard feelings? asshole. what is with you? can't you leave me alone?" you scoff and continue to walk, not bothering to eye him.

he sighs and jogs slightly to catch up with you. "alright– listen, i got an a+ on the recent test.. alright? let me help you."

"you? offering to help me? what kind of sick joke?"

"it's not a joke. come to mine at.. say seven." karma stops walking beside you to go find someone else to bother.

i wouldn't say i called it if i hadn't. but i called it when i said it was a sick joke.

you showed up at karma's doorstep at 7:00 PM, like he'd told you to. alarming detail being no cars in the driveway, where his parents cars are usually parked.

he'd opened the door. "hey princess. make yourself at home, you might be here a while." he invites you in with his usual sarcastic tone you hated.

"want like.. water? sorry it's not sparkly or whatever i don't drink that weird shit." he says as he grabs a glass and fills it with water, handing it to you.

karma starts to head upstairs and so you follow him into his room that's weirdly tidy and large.

karma was not poor, in fact his parents made the same money your dad did. just, karma took individuality when it came to money. decided to get a job at a young age and has been making his own money ever since and even bought his own car.

you didn't do that. you were always handed everything, so you grew up differently than karma. or at least with a different mindset.

"your room is nice." you compliment awkwardly to fill the silence as you just stand in the middle of the clean wooden floors.

"uh, are you gonna sit down or just stand there?" he tilts his head and chuckles, patting the spot right next to him on his bed.

you place your cup down on a table and cough softly even though you didn't need to, heading over slowly and sitting down fairly far from him.

but that distance didn't stay when he scooted closer anyway. "so! what's the score ya got on the test?"

"hey wait. why do you make fun of me all the time? for.. being fortunate i guess."

karma stays in silence for a moment before laughing. "you.." he pokes your chest and doesn't look into your eyes as he talks. "you aren't the fortunate one. your daddy is, and you take advantage of it.. that's what i make fun of."

you look down at his hand that lay still in your lap and grab it with your own hand. "i never got to know what it was like to be a teenager because my dad was strict. he used money to keep me away from the public, sex, drugs, parties, everything. that's not my fault."

he doesn't say anything for a couple seconds before he looks into your eyes. "huh. so you have never done any of that?"

you nod 'no'.

"hah! baby do you have a lot i need to teach you. to hell with the stupid test that we already did." karma laughs. "you've never even gone to a party?"

"nope."

"shit. you're such a virgin." he laughs and you look down in embarrassment. but he brings a hand to your chin and makes you look back up at him. "hey, no need to be embarrassed. hey let me help you."

"help me with what?"

"you ever wanted to get high?" karma asks, opening a drawer before taking out a pen. "this makes you tired, jus'so you know. your daddy cool if you stay the night? because baby you'll be out."

"mhm." you nod and bite your lip, shifting the way you're sitting in excitement. you always wanted to get high but never had the chance.

"you're ampy. guess my little innocent girl's not gonna be so innocent anymore, huh?"

my? you'd wonder about what he'd meant. but you didn't care because it made you feel good; at least in the way you took it.

he holds the pen up to your mouth. "breathe in.. then.. breathe in again. that's the only way i can really explain it to you."

and with that you took it to your mouth and did as he told you. "take another hit. but that's it, this can be strong and i don't know your tolerance, baby."

after you take another, you watch as he takes his and after that, it starts to hit you. the room starts moving into .5 and it's all zoomed out. it's cool, nothing like you'd ever experienced before.

you start to giggle.

"mhmm. you okay, baby?" karma asks and you nod, moving closer to him.

"uhuh. hey. what's next?" you ask, crawling into his lap and laying on him in tiredness.

"what do you mean, what's next?" he asks, rubbing my arm and conforting me. this was the sweetest karma had ever been.

"well you said— you said you were gon' teach me stuff. can teach me bout sex. take it from me?" you didn't even know what you were saying, or that it would affect you tomorrow. and you didn't care.

karma chuckles lowly and lays me down. "you're tired, can see it in your eyes."

"fuck me to sleep." you sit up and grab at the hair at the base of his neck, pulling on it before pulling his face into yours, kissing him softly. "please— all i wan' right now is you."

he takes his hands and parts your legs and rests himself between them, laying you back down to lean over you as he kisses down your neck, playing with the hem of your shirt.

through your shorts you felt the bulge inside his jeans pressing against your clothed core. you wanted it so bad. you take your hands to his face and pull him back up to kiss your lips.

whispering into his mouth "please, need you so bad.. karma."

now that he knew you knew what you were doing and with who, he went feral. he took off your shirt and unzipped your jean shorts.

you trace his jawline with your fingers and admire his pretty face as he removes his own clothes.

not long later his tip is pressed against your entrance. "are you sure you want this, baby?"

with one nod he thrusts into you painfully and your back arches as you moan loudly. he doesn't give you time to adjust as he starts thrusting at a quick paste.

your moans are loud and you scratch at his biceps and his back as tears prick your lash line.

"fuck karma— please.." you moan as he uses his thumb to play with your clit as the rest of his fingers press down on your lower abdomin, creating intense pleasure. the bulge in your belly was felt on his finger tips.

"oh, baby moan louder.. let my neighbors hear who fucking owns you.."

"fuck!! ugh—karma please please please please fuck harder." you moan out loudly, pushing him down into your chest and locking your legs around his waist so he can't pull out.

"baby don't do that.. im gonna cum soon." both hands go to your thighs so even if you tried to take them off you couldn't because he holds your legs firmly there, against his own command. "you're— real tense!" he squeezes his abs in a groan from the throat. "you're gonna cum?"

"mmmmhmm." you whine and nod, tears streaming down your face with all the pleasure.

"fuck im gonna breed you all good.. fill ya full with daddy's cum, yeah? you're mine, you know that? huh? tell me you're all mine." he groans and whines at you in a needy voice that makes your orgasm peak.

"all yours–! 'm cummin'!"

"god yes, cum with me baby." he groans and you release together, heavy breathing and leftover moans fill the room as they echo against the walls.

karma pulls out and falls beside you, who's about to be sleeping mind you.

"hey wait, don't you fall asleep. knew indica would get ya like this.. it always does with first timers." he sighs and gets up, grabbing a towel and walking back over to you, half lidded and looking up at him with dried mascara tear stained cheeks.

karma smiles softly at your expression once he knows you can't see him, rubbing the towel on your thighs and everywhere between your legs. he grabs a shirt and helps you sit up, putting it on you and grabbing your panties, that he also puts on you before laying you back down.

he lays beside you and you drag heavy limbs to snuggle into his chest and side. "thanks.. for all this. guess im not your little innocent girl no more."

"you're still my girl.. told ya that, didn't i?" he says and you giggle softly, nodding into his chest. "good, so.. you're my not-so-innocent little girl now, huh?"

#vanillaan #karma akabane #karma x reader #karma akabane x reader #assassination classroom #karma x y/n #assclass #assclass x reader

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xxaraaq · 4 months

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𝟭𝟵𝟴𝟮

masterlist

wc | 3.2k

cw | angst, traumatic upbringing, unprotected sex, long distance relationship for a little while ig

Reiner x black! reader

A/N | This is prob my longest fic so far but I really enjoyed writing this and I cried a lot. I hope y'all enjoy. Not edited btw so don't mind any mistakes.

The first time you told him that you wanted to move away when the time came to decide what you wanted to do with your life, he didn’t think much about it. Your opinions regarding your future fluctuated constantly, from what you wanted to have as a snack to what you wanted to be when you grew up. You could never decide on one thing for long. You were only nine at the time, and you left it at that. He was still glad that you dropped it nonetheless, for it would hurt him beyond measure to watch you leave. The two of you went to the creek to play with the other kids after that, and his thoughts were occupied on other things such as getting back at a boy called Clarence for pushing you onto a pile of rocks after you told him to leave you alone. Reiner’s always been like that, walking the extra mile for you whenever you needed it, even if you didn’t ask. He was the type to stand behind you when you were deep in a conversation with someone else, quietly hanging onto every word as you went on without a care in the world. It was simple, and he liked it like that.

The second time he remembers you bringing it up, it was around freshman year of highschool. Things had started getting stressful at home, with your father having gotten caught in an affair and your mother turning to wine to cope. Those days were mainly spent at his fathers farm, helping him with his chores and anything that needed tending too. He always noticed how you would come to him with dry tears staining your face, but he never said anything about it. He was just happy that you were coming to him when things got hard, and you were happy that he was there through it all. Your bouts of sadness would never last long with him though, he would always be able to cheer you up no matter what went on in your home. You would come over so often that his mom would make you a plate once it was time for dinner. It was a normal day, you were helping Reiner with carrying hay bales for his horses, when it came out.

“I think I wanna move to a big city, like New York and LA once I graduate.” You say, mind fixated on not getting bit by Daisy, the feistiest horse you think you’ve ever met. He stops in his tracks, looking at you with a shocked face. “Why would you wanna do that?” He asks, concern lacing his tone. “I don’t know. I think I’m just tired of all the bullshit that comes with this sucky ass town. I wanna be able to live my life without anyone trying to strike down my dreams just cus’ they think it’s not the way I should be living.” You shrug, petting her as she chews on the straws of hay. He doesn’t really know what to think, but it makes him nervous. He knows that you have a multitude of reasons for wanting to get out, but he doesn’t want to see you go, especially not without him. It scared him, but he wasn’t going to let his fear outway his advice for you.

“Well I think you should do whatever makes you the happiest, I would hate to see you stay here in plain old misery just because you chose the thing that would make other people happy.” You smile at him, knowing that he talks purely out of his heart, and not just saying what you want to hear. His wholeness is your favorite quality about him. He’s never been one to shy away from the truth, and he always has your best interest in mind, even if it wasn't the best for him. “Awww, really?” You coo, walking up to him. “Yeah, why not? Why should you stay here if you don’t want to? Because of what other people might say? Screw that, it’s your life, and you shouldn’t be living it for others who don’t actually give a damn about you.”

Without a doubt, those conversations were your favorites. You could be open and vulnerable with worrying about being judged or brushed off. It was talks of real life that constantly reminded you that Reiner was truly a good friend, a good person. He would actually listen instead of simply hearing to respond. It made you feel heard, made you feel like you weren’t out of your mind. It was the same for him as well. Whenever he talked about the pressures that his father put on him about being a leader, being responsible, and putting family above everything; he knew that all it took was a knock on your door and you would be there for him, comforting him with honest words and a tight embrace if need be. It was the perfect relationship, easy and smooth.

Until he started to fall in love.

He knew when he started to look at you in a different way, he wasn’t oblivious. He grew, so did you. The person you were sprouting into amazed him. You were kind, but not a pushover. Firm, but not some – well, most of the time. He was mesmerized by all parts of you, good and bad. You couldn’t lie when you thought he turned out just as fine, if not finer than all the other boys you grew up with. He was a solid six one, with years of hard labor showing on his body. He was still a gentleman, which is what you think is what you loved most about him. He was the sweetest boy you’ve ever known, and it wasn’t just for show. He was everything if not one for chivalry, always opening doors and being polite, slinging out “Yes ma’am” and “No sir”, just like he was taught. He was what every mother wanted their daughter to bring home, but he only had eyes for you. People could see it too, that’s why no one tried to steer his attention from you. He was the first and last person you saw every night, and were both fine with that. You would take long drives in his truck in the early mornings of the weekend, and spend time together in his cargo bed on late Sunday. It was peaceful, just you and him. He knew that you were starting to catch on, but he wanted to enjoy it, because talks of favorite tv characters turned into what colleges were being applied to. The unburdened era of childhood was slowly coming to an end, and it was frightening.

Frightening because you would have obligations to take care of, frightening because he knew that his endless conversations were manifesting.

Frightening because he knew his time with you was coming to an end.

Your mothers addiction had gotten much worse over the course of time, leaving you to have to deal with her hysteria. Reiner lost track of the amount of times you had called him on the landline, practically begging him to come pick you up, to save you from the cloud that has consumed your mother, from the feelings that brew inside you. You had grown sick of the stuffy place you call your hometown, and he had caught on quick – he always does.

The last time you talked about it was the summer after graduating. Your dynamic had changed, longing gazes had been throwing and touches had been shared. It was getting more romantic, more intimate. Reiner’s father decided that he should go stay at his grandmother's lake house for the summer, and that he should bring you. You knew you could go without having to ask, so off the two of you went. The ride was easy, songs being sung along to and many stops being made for pictures and pee breaks. The house was beautiful, with the frontside facing the beach. You settled in quickly, buzzing with excitement as you ran to the clear blue water. Many days were spent like this, the pair of you swimming and laughing and kissing in solidarity. It was what he dreamed of, being alone with you to just soak in your presence, nobody calling his name and nothing to worry about. It was bliss, until it wasn’t.

Summer was coming to a close, with only two weeks until fall semester began. He drove you two home, the air different from usual. He knew the privacy you had with him was going to change the nature of your relationship, but it still bothered him inside. During it all, he noticed that you would be awake in the early morning, asking your mother about a letter. He knew you wouldn’t talk to the woman unless it was of absolute importance, you despised her after all. You seemed more nervous the closer you got, but he tried not to think too much of it, summing it up to having jitters on going to college.

It wasn’t until you called him a couple days later with dread in your voice that he knew what the phone calls were about.

“I got in.”

Words so simple, but so sad. Usually one would be happy that they got into college, but you weren’t. It hit him like a ton of bricks, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Was he supposed to be happy for you? Was he supposed to cry with you? Was he supposed to be strong for you? Yes, that’s exactly what he needs to be, what he's always been for you; for everyone.

“I’ll be over in a couple, just wait for me, okay?” His voice has always calmed you, but not this time. With a simple okay, you hung up the phone. He speeds through stop signs, breaking the speed limit by around twenty miles just to get to you faster. He jumped out the car, jogging down your driveway as you jump into his arms. He’s warm and smells nice, the scent of his cologne and freshly wet soil hitting your nose. He holds you for a second, then five, then ten. “What’s wrong sugar? What’s got you so worked up, huh?” He asks, looking at your features for any signs hinting at your distress. “I got in, Reiner. UCLA, they accepted me.” You say, gripping his shirt for support. “UCLA? I-isn’t that in California?” You nod, and he sighs deep, pulling your head to his chest. “I’m so glad they accepted me, but I’m scared. I don’t know anyone there, and I don’t wanna leave you.”

Him. You didn’t want to leave him. He didn’t want to, but in that moment he felt so ecstatic that he was the only reason you wanted to stay. It was selfish, he knew that, but he elated that he was that special to you.

“Isn’t this what you always wanted? To get out this shitty little town and finally live your life?” He was right, when was he not? But it still hurt knowing that he wasn’t coming with you. “Yes, but I love you, and if I leave I won’t come back. I don’t wanna leave you here and you never see me again and you move on with life while I never stop thinking of you, thinking that if I stayed then none of it would’ve happened.” You were crying at this point, tears pouring down your face. He wiped them, even kissing some of them away. “Now in what world would I move on without you? Don’t be silly now, you're my number one girl. You're gonna go to UCLA, live your life, and be happy. I’ll be right here, supporting you from this shitty little town in Texas. We’ll talk to each other on the phone, and we’ll still love each other the same.” It was a lie, and he knew it. But it wanted to believe it so bad, you did too. You spent the rest of the night with him, and you ended up making love.

It was new to the both of you, but for some reason it wasn’t awkward. Light kisses down your neck and soft moans filled the night sky as your dream came true. As ashamed as you were of the fact, you had fantasized this night many times before. He treated you with care and compassion, as he did any other time. But it was different, more transparent. It was hot, sticky, and sweaty. But neither of you cared, happy to do this with each other, to be the others first.

It wasn’t long after that before he had to help you pack and see to the train. His mother cried for and with you, hugging you tight as she whispered prayers in your ear for your success and safety. You could see tears in his fathers eyes that wouldn’t dare fall. He told you that he’s always seen you as his own, and that he was happy that his son got to grow up with you. He drove you to the station, hand on your thigh as a reminder. A reminder that he’s there and that he doesn’t want to let you go, a reminder that he loves you.

A reminder that he’ll never forget you.

You wish you lived close enough to an airport so that you could spend more time with him before you left, but that wasn’t the case. He picked your luggage with a quiet grunt and followed you to the platform. You turned to him, not knowing what to say, and he knew it. Your eyes met his, and a tear raced down his cheek. You followed suit, and soon the both of you were crying. He pulled you into a hug that you never wanted to leave, and he knew it. He knew all of it, and that’s what you think made saying goodbye so much harder.

“Promise me you’ll call?” You ask, sniffling. “Course’ I will, doll. What kinda man would I be if I didn't call my woman?” His woman. You’re his woman. It’s supposed to make you happy, but it just makes you cry harder. “Cmon now, I don’t want cha’ goin on this train boo hooing when you have so much to look forward to.” You shake your head yes, touching your forehead to his. He kissed you again, then again, then again. If you weren’t whispering to each other, you’re sure that bystanders would’ve noticed by now. But you didn’t care, you just wanted one more night with him to watch the fireflies and talk about meaningless shit that has meaning in the moment, because that’s what it comes down to. Moments with him make you feel like everything is perfectly fine, even if they’re not.

You hear the deafening sound of the train whistle in the distance, signaling the end of your time with him. “There’s your train to the future baby.” He says, kissing your temple. “Shut up Reiner!” You laugh, leaning into it.

He helped you board the train, finding your seat with ease. He looks at you, and you look at him. He’s frozen in place, and so are you. “I love you so much, let that be known for as long as you live.” He says, hugging you for the last time. “I love you too, don’t forget it either. Oh, and don’t forget to tell Daisy that mommy loves her.” You joke, chuckling as you see his face drop. She had warmed up to you over the years, and you were now her favorite person.“That damn horse is the bane of my existence.” he scoffs, and you burst out laughing. “I think you, your family, and that damn horse are the only things I’m gonna miss around here.” You say, playing with his collar.

The conductor yells something you don’t catch, but you know it means that he has to leave. “Can’t I just come with you and tell my parents why I didn’t come back later?” He asks, a boyish tone in his voice. “You can’t,” you coo, “if you did, they would actually kill you when you got back.” “Who said I would come back?” Your eyes widen in shock, really contemplating it. All in all, he could come, but he has a life here for him – you don’t.

“No, you need to stay so you can take your fathers farm once you're old enough. I know that it’s your dream even though you get tired of it sometimes.” He looks at you with an expression you can’t explain. It’s as if he’s trying to tell you something he can’t put into words, but he doesn’t need to. You understand him just as well as he does you. Some things don’t need to be said, and this is one of those things. “Call me when you get there, ok?” He borderline begs. You say yes, and he finally walks off.

The trains move with a jerk, but you don’t pay attention to it. You see him as he slowly disappears into the distance, being replaced by forest and gravel. You don’t cry anymore, more like you refuse to, but you think to yourself – what if I stayed.

When you reach California, as the first day commences, when you finish your freshman year, and when you graduate. Through it all you constantly think to yourself, what would've happened if I stayed?

The calls started getting sparser and short, life catching up to the both of you making less time for each other. It still hurts when you think about it, but life is life, and it doesn’t stop for anybody. By senior year, the two of you stopped talking all together. You found people, as did he. The two of you drifted apart, as many others do. But you don’t care about the others, all you care about is him.

He calls you the day you graduate. It’s short and simple,exchanging hellos and words of well being. You want to ask him a million questions, but you refrain. You're content enough with just hearing his voice, even though you know it’ll be for the last time. He’s in the middle of asking you what your class rank when you hear a youthful voice on his end. “Is that your kid?” You ask, deep down hoping he says no. There's a brief pause, as if he’s thinking of a lie to tell you. “Yeah, she’s my youngest.” He finally says, and your heart drops. “Oh..that’s lovely to hear. How old is she?” You ask, throat tightening up. “She just turned two, her birthday was last week actually.” He sighs, seeming to be occupied with her. “What’s that sweet girl's name?” You ask, eyes darting around the room looking for something to keep you busy. “Um..I actually named her after you.” You freeze in your tracks, breath hitching. “Does her mom know about me?” You ask, hoping that she doesn’t. “No. She’s from out of town actually. Her names Natalie.” You can’t breathe. Room starts to spin around you. He notices, and starts to call out your name. “I..I gotta go Reiner.” You hang up the phone before he can say anything else.

She’s a reminder. A reminder of your old love, a reminder that he’s always been waiting and still doesn’t want to let you go, a reminder that he loves you.

A reminder that he’s never forgotten you, and he never will.

-Nene

#nene #x black reader #x reader #aot #reiner x reader #reiner x black reader #angst #reiner x reader angst #reiner x black reader angst #aot x reader #aot x black reader

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fillinforlater · 8 months

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i kinda agrer w the anon like ig the older members r fine but if u plan on writing for new jeans rhe maknae is 14/15…

A measured Response

While I think the other anon who send the initially accusation is still the one sending asks to my inbox, I also think that you are another person. I will strengthen and steel-man your concerns/argument, though it will always baffle me that y'all have these ridiculous spelling errors. Seriously, guys, at least try to type coherent messages/a literal paragraph with no mistakes.

(To those of you who do, thank you <3)

For some fucking reason I feel like I have to make this a thing. I should not, really. These accusations are baseless, I'm not the thing he wants to frame me as, so on and so on, but because I think you are genuinely kinda worried what I meant, I'll explain it to you.

(I'm not sorry if I sound condescending or anything, because I am)

It started with this ask, which basically asked me:

"Do you plan on writing NewJeans in the future?"

Now, being human and (probably) understanding English as well as context, this is what I (and probably 99% of other people with the right context) assumed this person meant:

"Do you plan on writing a fic about any of the 18+ NewJeans members in the future?"

bUt tHaT iSnT wHaT tHeY aSkEd!?

You cannot possibly reach that conclusion. Seriously, go look at literally every fic I ever wrote. Age of the idols? Ranging from 30 something down to 18, the absolute hard legal and (I guess) moral minimum, the line I don't cross.

If you go to my page or just open this weird ass tab from Tumblr (fuck Tumblr), you see stuff like "18+ Girl Group fic writer" or "No minors" or (from my Biaslists & Writelist & Requests tab) "Remember that I said most and 18+. This automatically excluded all 18- idols... I won't write those." This is easily understandable, obvious context to the message from above.

Or did you think I would just write about literal new jeans, like an review or something? No, of course not.

Oh, you can also look at my response, like... I specifically mention Hanni and Danielle, two 18+ idols, very popular, probably the two (including I guess Minji) the asker probably meant.

Now the point where I might look like an idiot if I take you seriously:

I responded to the baseless accusation with a GIF of Hanni, the focus on an easily identifiable part (her ass). The response of the accuser (still in my inbox):

"You just admitted you're a pedo"

Wrong and cringe.

Granted, you did not know this message (if you are a different person), yet you still, after seeing the Hanni GIF decided to say this. Either you are fucking stupid or this is maliciously framing me. Pick your poison.

(BTW: You are stupid because Hanni is 18. International age. Whatever the fuck Koreans use/used to use does not count, but she is also "19"/an adult there)

If you now need it black on white (or white on black), here it goes:

I'm not a pedo. I'm even against idols debuting under the age of 18.

(Why did I even bother? I dunno man, now it's out of the system)

With that said, I got some ideas for a Hanni fic (still very basic, but god, she is gorgeous and hot) and for a Danielle fic (funnily, it's not even a smut).

Everyone, have a nice day and some pretty Minji <3

#kpop smut #female idol smut #newjeans smut #newjeans fanfic #why am I responding to idiots

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the-darklings · 2 years

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first of all last chapter broke my heart but in a way i'm still happy about it?? i expected something when you said dream was being his usual asshole self but unfortunately i did not see this coming!!

i am once again agreeing with cori that wanderer should run away and hang out with him the whole time instead (ignoring dream's repercussions but whatever!!) it was adorable how corinthian hangs out on wanderer's island now, very fitting with how there would always be a friend waiting for her there!! speaking of- the island stays right?? dream doesn't get so angsty that he destroys even that?? bc i would actually be down with murder if so

i've been doing very quick maths (which i suck at, so correct me if i'm wrong) but isn't the year wanderer is ordered to leave the same year that dream gets pissy and tells hob he doesn't need or want friends?? if so, does it by any chance influence each other?? also are we going to have any interactions between hob and wanderer bc i love them both sm and i'd love to see it :))

also i NEED to see death tear dream a new one for being Like That™ to her friend!! will we see reactions from some of dream's siblings in the future or is that going to be left to our imagination??

either way- it was an amazing chapter, as always!! this is honestly my favourite fanfic of sandman- idk their companionship feels so authentic to the themes of the sandman and it'd honestly fit right in the story and i'm invested enough that it feels like something is missing when wanderer isn't actually in canon :// anyhow- i hope you have a lovely day today <33

ah, thank you very much!! 💕

so, to speed through these:

yes, Corinthian is that friend whose always waiting with a smile (or a smirk in this case) to meet Wanderer whenever she arrives. He probs considers it the only place where he can unwind without a shadow looming over him because unlike the rest of the Dreaming, Wanderer Island comes half from Wanderer, so it adores Corinthian as much as the source does.

no, Dream physically couldn’t bring himself to destroy the island, but would write it off as “it’s part of the dreaming and mortals go to it often and it was created for a purpose yadayada” aka man is denial and looking for a reason not to destroy last remnant of Wanderer because it’s all he has left. the island is effected by what happened between them tho 👁

yes, both fallouts happen around the same time. which comes first, I’ll leave up to you to decide, but they do directly impact one another. Dream said: ruining my life on speed run ig. also yes, Wanderer and Hob will definitely meet and I think you guys will like them a lot. I’m personally in love with their dynamic in my head.

you will see Death’s & Desire’s reactions (still holding back from writing other Endless until I get to them in the comics because I want to do them justice) but eventually if/when I do other extras after tibyim is done, you might get glimpses. most def had reactions to it, quite interesting too.

#thank you so much for that final bit 🥺💕 means a lot to me.#fic: today i bury you in me #asks

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pomegranate-pen · 2 years

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Could I have hunter(toh)x nb reader hcs? And have them angst like he keep sneaking out to see reader but then he gets caught by belos and he (belos) finds reader?

here ya go! thank you for requesting! this is my first time writing for Hunter or anything toh ig, so I hope its good!!

Warning: death and lots of angst!

Headcanons for Hunter who keeps sneaking out to see nb!reader!

Hunter knew the consequences. He knew there were punishments for those who didn’t follow the rules laid within the Emperor's coven.

But as the sun went down and the night sky became apparent, he lied through his teeth and announced on the crow phone that the mission would take longer than expected again and he’d have to stay for the night as well.

Quickly, without a single sound emitted from his footsteps nor a chirp from flapjack, he reaches your house and grabs a small pebble. With a small bit of his might, he throws the rock as high as he can. Enough to reach your bedroom window and steal your attention away from the spell book in your hands.

“Welcome back, spell nerd.”

It all started with a mere text to his new account on penstagram. Finding him fun in the flyer derby club before the whole kidnapping thing and decided to give him a second chance after it. After a few weeks of avid texting, you once mentioned an old dusty spell book you found at the library and how you wanted to start reading it. Only to have the boy send you a hundred texts in the next five minutes asking if he can study it too.

It was supposed to be only one sleepover. One fun night staying up and taking notes and that’s it. Yet, he couldn’t help but come back.

He didn’t know what it was. Maybe the book. Maybe how your palismans kept playing so adorably while you were busy or maybe it was you.

After some time, He soon realized how strange his feelings have become towards you. Heart beating non-stop and face heating up. Stuttering like a fool and his palms becoming sweaty at times. At first, he thought of it as a curse. A way to weaken him to get Belos. With a worried and sunken heart, he’d rant to Darius. Only for the Coven Head to chuckle at him and ruffle his blonde hair.

“My my, little prince has gotten a crush.”

Before he knew it, his visits to you increased and his ‘excuses’ didn’t work anymore. The missions he was given have become short. Ones he couldn’t possibly say it took all night to finish up. So, he went to the next best idea. Sneaking out.

Reading the spell book has ended long, long ago. Now the sleepovers consisted of holding hands while mindlessly chatting. Joking, telling stories, talks about the future, about the goals you both set in life.

“I…don’t know which coven to choose yet.” You sighed. Feeling his clutch on your palm tighten up a bit, you looked back at him with curious eyes. His face seemed deep in thought. “you should choose soon, you know. Emperor Belos is after every wild witch.”

“I know that.” Your face soured. You felt him squeeze your palm while his other hand gently brushed through your hair. “Don’t worry N/n.” he takes a deep breath, head falling deeper into the pillow as he smiled gently. “I’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you. I promise.”

A small smile tucked your own lips. Your arms get out of the position you were before to go around his waist. His arms go around yours as well, hugging you tight. “I love you, Hunter.” You mumbled. You heard him give out a shocked chuckle, giving a soft kiss to your forehead.

“I love you too.”

He wished he knew better. Had he been more careful with his sneaking out, had at least even thought of putting some time in between those to drive away attention, this would’ve never happened.

The castle has eyes and ears in every nook and cranny. Eyes that don’t trust anyone and ears who hear even the smallest of footsteps. Even he, one of the most skilled members of the castle can not be unseen or unheard.

The ones desperate enough for the Emperor’s approval would always seek to tell the truth only to him. And as mutters of the golden guard sneaking out every weekend poured through his majesty’s ears, he knew what must’ve been done.

“they’re��they’re what?...”

“Petrified.” He coldly stated. Even with all the gold and treasures lying around the place, the throne room suddenly felt cold. The world seemed to shift within a blink of an eye. His body shook in horror and his face streamed with tears. The Emperor ignored his wails and continued. “They were cooperating with a wild witch behind your back.”

Belos walked up to the boy, taking off his mask and leaning down to his height. “ they were fooling you, hunter.” His eyes shifted into venomous sympathy. One that made Hunter only cry harder in confusion. “they were using you to get to me. To ruin our plans for the day of unity.”

“oh, poor child.” He frowned. “you didn’t actually think they loved you, right?”

Walking down the long hall, his gaze was set on only one statue of the hundreds around him. The only one that has stolen his heart. Only one has given him such kindness and affection.

But now, they’re nothing but a mere witch of stone. Their form portrays pure grief as the magic froze their face.

He clutched his fist. He grits his teeth. Shoulders hunched up in frustration as questions flowed through his mind. Did you really betray him? Did you use him? Was all that time for nothing? Was he just a mere tool without realizing it?

“I love you, Hunter.” Those words echoed through his mind like a wave. His knees got weak and he fell to the ground. Eyes blurry again from all the tears finding their way out. His heart was shattered. Broken into small pieces that will never be mended back again. Sobs reeked the room as he punched his fists at the ground from pure anger. Pure frustration. Pure confusion.

“I’m sorry.” He gasped out. A bigger fit of sobs came out of him. “I’m so s-sorry.” His shoulders shook. “I broke my promise. I broke it.”

He wished he never met you. Never was graced by your smile and chuckles. Never spoke to you nor accepted your offer. Maybe then, you’d be alive. You’d be still breathing. Your face would’ve never been one of horror at your last moments. You’d be living for much longer than what the Titan has destined it to be.

He knew the consequences. Yet he foolishly ignored it. Now, you had taken the punishment for it.

---

if anyone wants to request headcanons, please first read the rules in here!

#toh #x reader #the owl house #toh x reader #reader insert #toh hunter #toh hunter x reader #golden guard x reader #hunter toh x reader #the owl house x reader #headcanons #headcanons event #hunter x reader #disney #disney x reader #fanfiction

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femmefatalevibe · 10 months

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Hello!

Hope you’re doing great today.

How do you become your best self- like operating in your full Potential? There’s a girl I know of who’s super popular on campus and she’s great: a model, may be doing pageants one day (I encouraged her), and is super smart. Recently on IG I saw she’s at Harvard Business school studying and she has a major in Political science.

I’m an English major - couldn’t attach myself to any legal studies because it wasn’t for me and I get insulted by family that I should be doing something other than English (they look down on the major).

So I find myself comparing myself to her because I am trying to do different clubs, and speak up and be all that I can be. But I’m not seeing anything changing for me.

I get over looked a lot, and it’s a new school for me (I’m a transfer student) so that’s added.

And I’m so lost.

I often looked down on my degree, I do believe I should be a speaker or go to galas and study things that holds influence. To be a woman of change but I don’t see that. I haven’t gotten any scholarships for holding events for clubs, nor do I get recognized.

I feel like I’m not doing enough and I feel inadequate in my abilities (I literally took a creative writing class with fifteen other poets for a special class and the Professor would constantly nit pick at my writing and say I have to revise - and the other students would be praised for their writing. And I actually thought I was a great poet til that happened. And he’s a poet himself, and well known so that hurt. And was embarrassing cause my peers weren’t helpful or encouraging either. They would just stare at me while he critiqued my work).

Not sure who I should be.

I’m not even good at the things I thought I was good at.

But when looking at my acquaintance- I see such great things going to happen for her in her future (all well deserved).

Hi love! You sound like you're doing great for someone in university, honestly. Most people, especially at that age, do not take the time or energy required to self-reflect and think critically about how they can improve/ thrive in their environment instead of blaming external circumstances for any obstacles they face. You sound very emotionally mature, which I'm sure will take you far. Having so much uncertainty and little support is so difficult, so know that your feelings are valid regarding why you feel uncertain and like you're losing time in this current moment.

While it is easier said than done, comparing yourself to others is a waste of the time and energy you can be spending on ideas, hobbies, and activities that make you happy/help you reach your goals. Please know that people putting you down for being an English major is very closed-minded. There are so many career paths you can pursue with an English degree (signed someone who almost did one, lol) – copywriting, PR, social media/content strategy & creation, UX & technical writing, broadcast journalism, reporter, editor, screenwriting, etc. Also, he is one poet – that is an opinion, not a general consensus. He might be a professional and have considerable skills under his belt, but that does not make his words gospel. Writing quality can be fairly subjective. However, the way he singled you out is awful – I would talk to an advisor about this unprofessional behavior.

The best things you can do in a situation like this are three-fold:

Focus on taking care of yourself. Block out what others, especially critics, think or say about any choices you're making that don't hurt anyone else. Try to establish some healthy routines (meals, walks, workouts, studying, skincare, reading, etc.) to feel more in control of your day-to-day life

Sit down and reflect on the activities that give you energy, what you're passionate about, and the goals that you would most like to achieve in the few years after university and the immediate ones while you're still on campus. For example, it sounds like you're interested in writing, public speaking, and fancy events. Find resources to get good at these skills and ways to get yourself in your desired work environment (internships, temp service work for special events, etc.) Maybe consider potential career paths like PR or speech writing. Consider creative outlets like making a podcast, TikTok, or Youtube videos.

Make it a priority to develop confidence in yourself and an unwavering sense of self-trust. I feel like an old lady saying this, but you're so young and have so much time to figure it out. Everyone has different histories, traumas, resources, and advantages/disadvantages in this life. Spending time ruminating over those of others and comparing notes is taking away the energy and creativity you need to pour into constructing your own life and identity.

Hope this helps xx

#femmefatalevibe #college student #college advice #career advice #career path #life skills #student life #life path #life lessons #life advice #career tips #self confidence #self concept #q/a #goal setting #healthyhabits #self esteem

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apersonwholikeslotus · 7 months

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ok so I couldn't get the age order to be the way I wanted and ignore the moms names they're just placeholders;

but here is Abby's immediate family for the bookseller and the florist. François was married to Anne and they had Matt; they got divorced and after the divorce François realized he was Bi. Such is life. Matt was an "every 3 days kid" until he was like 12 and something with the custody came up; he went to being with dad all the time and mom only every other weekend. And by the time he was 15-ish he just stayed with François (and Will) all the time.

Will was married to Dorothy (they were highschool sweethearts who got married at like 19 and everyone was like 'bad idea but go off ig'), they pretty quickly had Jack, and then about three years later Liam. William had some Stuff (TM) happened that made him realize he was gay, him and Dorothy were divorced by the time Liam was 1. They're still decently good friends, even though she moved pretty far away. Jack and Liam always spent summers with her, school year with William and then bounced back and forth for the allotted holidays.

{side note there's eight-ish years between François and Will so Matt is significantly older than Jack and Liam even tho their dads were about the same age when they had their first kid}

I haven't decided exactly but Abby was somewhere between 7-10 when she was adopted; she's older than Liam, about the same age as Jack, and younger than Matt (yes i know what the fic says i'm going to edit some things). Will and François had been together for about 3-ish years when they adopted Abby. (well, William adopted Abby, François got his name added when it became legal where they lived when she was about 12)

{side note pt 2. in this AU François and Will never actually get married due to a little thing called "it's not legal yet" & when it does become legal they just don't bc of a mutual "marriage was fun to try but i'm never doing that again sorry"; they might file for some sort of civil partnership eventually but besides that}

Years later, like Liam is in his 2nd year of highschool later, they get early on-set empty nest do some Debating, and end up getting a surrogate and having Peter. Officially they don't know who his bio dad is, but you look at the boy for two minutes and can tell he's a Kirkland. Just,,, Matt is back in town, Abby & Jack are back from College for fall break or smth, Liam is in highschool he's always home but; they sit all the kids down and are just "we have big news, we're having a baby!" and the general reaction is "what-what the fuck? aren't you two like,,, ancient?"

Anyway time goes on, Peter is like 3, Liam moved out to live with his mom and go to college around where she lives, Abby is back with an English degree to help Will run the shop (initially she was going to be a teacher but changed her mind); Jack is getting some long fancy degree no one quite understands but he's hyped about it and he's never been excited about school. And Matt is off wandering a national park and having a grand old time doing it.

Pete is down for a nap François slides in the room with a serious conversation to have with William;

within two years they've adopted Angelique, she's about six when Pete is five so they're close but not as close as Abby and Jack. It's so stereotypical but Abby was super happy to have a sister FINALLY she had kinda been hoping Peter was a girl but it's fine. She's fine.

And then last but def not least in the story there is actually going to be a future chapter when Abby drags Lars to meet her parents with the excuse of "you know that baby my parents have been fostering? Wendy? well the adoption papers finally went through, so legally she's their kid and legally she's my sister and they're throwing a little party and you should come and meet the rest of my family everyone is going to be there yes bring Emma and Henri"

anyway the age order is;

Matthieu

Abby

Jack

Liam

Angelique

Peter

Wendy

#tb&tf #hetalia #hws france #hws england #hws america #nyo!america #hws canada #hws australia #hws new zealand #hws seychelles #hws sealand #hws wy #fruk

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thepaintpirate · 10 months

Text

AAAHHHHH I WOKE UP LIKE AN HOUR AGO AND WATCHED THE TRAILER FOR THE LIVE ACTION YEEEEEEE

I cannot tell you how excited I am I've been waiting and following the cast on IG for ages, they're great and well suited especially Taz. The trailer has it's moments that make me a little worried, but overall I think it looks really well done for a live action! I can't wait I'm so happy!

Also I wanted to address two criticisms I saw online which was:

1) it doesn't feel like One Piece/isn't the same

2) Buggy's first look

For my first point I wanted to say that, I never expected it to be the same and if you did then I guess that's a little unrealistic. With the budget they have, the time and trying to make this as natural as possible the cast and crew for filming have done a fantastic job making something this huge for such a large audience.

It can't be like the original because that's animation, it brings out magic you can't replicate on screen. But in it's own way the live action has managed to look interesting and funny, it's different and I like that. We're introduced to a whole new way of telling the story and I'm hopeful.

Now about Buggy's look...

I think it's perfect for a first introduction because we know Buggy's not necessarily so scary, but the public and new viewers don't know that! To them, he looks like the big bad and I think when they see him for what he is, they'll become more hyped for future villains. Because if you think Buggy is bad, then oh boy it's going to make Mihawks introduction as an actual powerhouse ten times better.

But don't worry, if the series gets support then we might get to Impel Down arc and see handsome Buggy. So hold your head high Buggy simps, I'm one of you too, it's just a waiting game now.

#one piece #one piece live action #one piece netflix #straw hat pirates #monkey d. luffy #op zoro #nami #vinsmoke sanji #ussop #taz skylar #inaki godoy #mackenyu #emily rudd #jacob romero gibson

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winterfliee · 4 months

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Habits for 2024!

Alright so I need some damn discipline in my life, 2023 has truly been a rollercoaster and so has been my mental health. The first six months of 2023 were spent in being stressed cause I had a really important exam in April and then May to June I was pretty much sad cause I didn't get the score I needed and had to settle for some other college, which just sent me more into the victim mentality (not recommended at all) Then in July my first sem started and it affected me even more cause this college has nothing fun going on only lectures, seminars and workshops (tho i manifested a fun event which is happening in two months) and thennn November came and I had a little heartbreak situation which I am sort of moved on from but not entirely. To sum it all up 2023 wasn't that cool I was way too affected by the 3d and I got really disconnected from loa and i definitely don't wanna take this into 2024 so I'm going back to being myself who always knew that the 3d doesn't matter and was more connected to herself! And MY way of doing this is by affirming you can do any method or no method at all simply just live in imagination but for me affirming is THE method which helps me manifest ofcourse but also to keep my mental health in check so I'll be using affirmations and some other habits (non-loa related are added as well) listed below-

Sleep early and wake up early.

STUDYYY, study for atleast one hour each day no matter which subject your future self will really thank you bitch!

Affirm and persisttt. The 3d is neutral it's not bad it's not good it's simply neutral unless you assign meaning to it!

Journal. I have never journaled but I wanna try it this year and it's not loa related i just want to write down how my day was even if it's just one sentence.

Cook more and vlog it. I wanna learn cooking and i just started in August and i really like it. I wanna vlog it cause it's fun watching it afterwards plus the recipe stays with me.

Dress up! Even if it's just for running errands, dress up change the PJ's add some accessories and look cute.

Wear more accessories. I always liked wearing a lot of jewelry but I was in convent school and it was never allowed but I wanna get back into it now.

Track my menstrual cycle and learn more about it!

Alright ig I'm done but I might add some new habits if I remember any, you guys can also send any suggestions for it I'd love it!

#affirmations #habits #new year #new habits #glow up

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stuffedsand · 7 months

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There's something interesting to be said about the opinions of different fanbases based on culture and how it affects the votes but it's late and I can't write it out too much so only one example for today: amane

Down under the cut so if it gets too long it won't affect anyone's scrollin

Also warning the tags are long on this one

- <- this indicates a new talking point

Basically I think the jp/more asian parts of the fandom tend to lean towards greater good (amane guilty to protect shidou/mahiru/fuuta because if shidous incapacitated in any way someone's dying, mahiru is prone to dying any moment, fuuta is prone to cult mindset rn). Despite my non japanese speaking ass not being able to gather direct evidence for this, I use those surrounding me (asian in asian country) as evidence; namely, how they're mostly amane guilty voters

-Now I'm not saying my personal take but the reason given for guilting her is well. As much as it will cause her more woe it's one way of guaranteeing the safety of the prison. Shidou is the only medical professional after all, and she's "completely hostile" towards him, acc to jackalope. And she doesn't need to overpower him; shes smart, and could sabotage his equipment or just like. Go for his hands to incapacitate him. I doubt he'd fight back.

-Alternatively, it's because it would cause her to fall back on believing she's right. Telling her she's forgiven with how she's acting would cause her to believe her persistance and dedication to this (harmful) mindset is what got her forgiven in the first place

-Meanwhile more western? English fanbase ig I'm not too sure of demographic, but the English speaking side tends to focus on how it affects her. Because of the belief that another guilty verdict will cause more harm to her, an innocent verdict is the obvious solution. What I've seen is the greater focus on what caused the murder over the murder itself and the effects of an innocent verdict on others and then her beliefs. A focus on the past over what she's promised to do in the present and future perhaps. Idk.

-Another reason for the difference could. Possibly be how punishment is viewed? Western countries have much more stigma over any form of punishment but in Asian countries it's normal. Now while I'd say physical punishment isn't the way to go, the refusal of punishment shouldn't be rewarded (imo) but that's all I'll say on it.

-The English fanbase also focuses a lot on how young amane is and how her circumstances were terrible and all that. Those around me tend to focus more on her thoughts around the crime, what she believes the crime was for and how in the right she thinks she is. This may also be the cause of the moral grandstanding I see so often (ie. If you vote amane guilty you're a baaad person) (I don't agree with this btw. That's stupid this is fiction don't insult others over an opinion)

What I will say is the English speaking side is more sympathetic towards amane. They (y'all?) Take her situation into a lot of consideration, and focus on her age as a large factor. Whereas those around me and I assume might be close to the views of the japanese fanbase are more objective, looking at what harm she could cause and what's the greater of the two evils, as well as what she's going to do with the verdict (ie. Use the inno verdict as her doctrines are correct and very right).

There's slight thought given to her age and circumstance of course, by it that's not the main concern rn. Given the current situation, most of my milgram voting friends stay certain that an innocent verdict will not end well, hence the guilty vote. I mean I have a couple friends that feel bad for guiltying her because of her circumstance, but do it anyway cuz it's for the better. My opinion is that she should've been innocent trial one, since we wouldn't have known the concequences, but it's too late now and an innocent will cause more harm overall

tldr asian fanbase from experience focus on the crime itself + what they're gonna do with that experience whereas eng speaking fanbase focus on the circumstances surrounding the crime and on judging only the crime

In myyy opinion. Judging only the crime based on your interpretation isn't how the system should be working, it should take into consideration the prisoners' attitudes and how the prisoner perceives the crime as well.

I hope this was coherent I typed it out at 11pm and went to bed immediately after and I've barely edited anything cuz awake me is less coherent than half asleep me

Also hope this was an interesting post? This topic is interesting to me but I explain better in speaking over typing so it's probably hard to read but I hope this topic scritches y'all's brains like it does mine :)

#milgram #amane momose #inder the cut to save space kekw #sorry if this post feels like im calling yall lab rats cuz i kinda am #treating the milgram tag like a giant social studies exam (i have not passed social studies this year)#ive done my beat to compare bur i lost half my thoughts while typing this out last night whoops #ive also done my best to be comprehensible but i have too many thoughts at the same time for that #alsp for the record im an amane neutral voter (i dont vote)#j have another point on the age thing about how while eng side takes young age into consideration #it also overstates the maturity of our older prisoners (shidou namely #as ive seen people say that medical guilt theory doesnt work cuz of how extreme his guilt is #of which belongs to a different post but basically dude hes only 29 thats not that old. also to lose everything at any age is devastating #moral grandstanding point may be more indicative of internet culture overall btw but i cant get data on that for jp fans #sorry for being incomrpehensible i jusy talk like this #also very important no insulting anyone in rbs. even if its not me. thats rude #long post #i have a great disdain for people who claim amane guilty voters are evil btw. respect others online ffs #anyways next post will be about shidou and theories around him #specifically my hatred for the organ harvesting theory and my proposed alternate theories #but rhat will be the next time im tired and insane #im also posting this relatively unedited so i dont chicken out 💥 im trusting yall

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acourtofthought · 6 months

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I still think HOFAS and the very next ACOTAR book will stand apart.

I'm not saying the events that happen in HOFAS won't eventually be introduced to ACOTAR series but I imagine it's something that will happen down the line and not where SJM will immediately start the next ACOTAR book.

Bloomsbury is a bohemeth publishing company, they have JK Rowling and Harry Potter has sold more than 500 million copies worldwide. They know what they're doing when it comes to marketing and SJM has to follow their suggestions as much as they work with hers.

To me it doesn't matter what SJM said in a paid interview that was only accessible to some and that only those in the fandom chat about, these series still need to stand on their own. Bloomsbury is not going to leave loose ends and anything up to chance. They're not going to allow the readers that shop only in bookstores and don't follow the fandom to be completely lost when picking up the next ACOTAR. It seems crazy to us but some have truly never read CC or bother with the books beyond reading them.

This is what she said in that paid interview:

"I mean I guess you should read ACOTAR"

Of course she wants you to read ACOTAR bc it's more money and then you'll know who these people are that Bryce just met. But that statement is not "if you don't read ACOTAR, you'll be confused and these plots are now completely intertwined" especially because this only leaves 4 months for everyone who hasn't read ACOTAR to finish 4.5 books. If it was a requirement, she should have announced it during her first CC2 spoiler interview, after it's release. And the statement also wasn't "you'll have to read the CC series in order to understand the next ACOTAR. CC3 might setup future ACOTAR books but that doesn't mean we won't first have the information introduced in the ACOTAR series (sort of like the Cassian pov in MAF, it setup his future bond with Nesta but you could skip reading it and were still given the same information in the books after).

And this is "the ad" she had them put in the back of HOSAB:

That doesn't seem like a reading requirement, right? And this is her website:

It still says you can start with any series you want.

As of now, no announcement has ever been made on her IG that these series are now unable to stand on their own.

And Bloomsbury?

It still indicates she has three separate series.

So I imagine readers didn't leave the world of ACOTAR after SF with questions about the treaty, Koschei, Spring, Beron, etc, only for them to pick up the next ACOTAR book and find they had an outerspace time traveler having visited Prythian and their current plot is now tied into her visit and the information mentioned in a completely different series.

6-9 months have passed between the end of SF and the start of HOFAS.

Feyre left Tamlin, fell in love with Rhys, witnessed her sisters being made, returned to Spring to destroy it, and fought in her first war in 8 months.

It's really not that wild of an idea to consider that SJM could start the next ACOTAR book shortly after the ending of SF, deal with the treaty, Spring, Koschei, Beron, or the Illyrians, and eventually work her way up to the events of the crossover (within the ACOTAR series).

To me that makes more sense than the characters puttering around for 6-9 months, doing nothing about the treaty, Spring, Koschei, Beron or the Illyrians.

SF - "We're extremely worried about these threats to our world!"

The time leading up to the crossover - "Eh.... We'll get to them some other time".

SJM has two remaining books in the ACOTAR spin-offs, books that were to follow a new romantic pairing in each book. But she was recently contracted for four other books on top of that and we have no clue what those books are going to be about.

When she said "the crossover will set up future ACOTAR books", it's possible she meant books far into the future, not necessarily the spin-offs she was contracted for back in 2017.

She knew what the first two spin-offs were going to be about before she ever realized Bryce would land in Prythian and at one point she said her plan for the spin-offs hadn't changed.

Sure, it's possible her plans did change since then. But it's also possible they stayed the same and the events of the crossover will lead us into ACOTAR books beyond the remaining traditional romance spin-offs, possibly even a multi character pov ACOTAR book.

#acotar theory #sarah j mass #crossover acotar #acotar series #crossover theory #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #feyre acotar #rhysand acotar #azriel acotar #nesta acotar #morrigan acotar #gwyn acotar #cassian acotar

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chemicalpink · 2 years

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Delightful Affair | KSJ

➵ Pairing: Kim Seokjin x reader, with a side of Kim Taehyung x reader

➵ Genre, AU: Pride and Prejudice AU, s2l, smut, angst, fluff

➵ Rating: 18+

➵ Word Count: 7k

➵ Summary: You had never thought you would find solace in Kim Taehyung after the midsummer nights you had spent with Kim Seokjin, his long-lost brother.

➵ Warnings, tags: cre*mpie, mentions of de*th, historically accurate mis*gyny, che*ting, pregnancy, family drama, longing, Seokjin forever advocating for the early femin*st movement, probably inaccurate historical timeline (I tried my best but I gave up somewhere)

➵ A/N: This work has been in my docs forever, and it kept getting longer every time I tried to finish it (it’s a Seokjin’s fic type of thing ig) I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! This is a repost because the other one wasn't working on the tags.

The day is grim like no other Seokjin has ever been a witness to in his whole twenty five years of age, his hands are both contrastingly sweaty, the garments his mother has made him wear for the evening don’t seem to stop constricting his throat in the worst way possible, he thinks– perhaps is he were a daughter instead of a son, the thought wouldn’t even cross his mind, watching his soon to be wife down the altar, flowers all but decorating the path that is supposed to mean their ever after happy ending.

She’s a pretty woman, he has to admit as much, red hair that goes down her spine– a foreigner– his father had mentioned, a daughter of some important overseas merchant that might be key to the prosperous future of the rather small town they live in, he can’t help but wonder if his own future may look as boisterous as his parents suggest this marriage will serve as for them all.

Can’t help but wonder, if this would be the one time in his lifetime where he would very much rather choose himself over his parents. You see, Kim Seokjin is a simple man, a madman some would call him as times go by and the shadow of running away from his own wedding as a cowardly excuse of a man, looms over him. Born from a well-off family, educated with the very best their country could offer, raised to take over his father’s ever growing land– yet it didn’t take as much time or effort for his mother to mark him off as a lost cause, helping in the kitchens at fifteen, writing a rebellious downfall of the system–as his father had titled his studies– at the ripe age of eighteen, passing days under the summer sun reading sonnets ‘By a Lady’ at twenty, and now– selfishly running away from what could have been the marriage of the century, in the name of love at twenty five.

Kim Seokjin is a simple, yet no ordinary man, contrary to his younger brother, Kim Taehyung, always excelling in what Seokjin has seemed to lack, even while being three years younger than him, Kim Taehyung is a rather stoic man, playing by the rules only, perfectly cut for the place Seokjin was supposed to play, the Duke of York and Albany, the pride and joy of the Kim family.

Kim Taehyung is everything Kim Seokjin is not, no rebellious downfalls, or poetry, and most definitely not love.

It comes to no one’s surprise when the Duke, Seokjin and Taehyung’s father, brings home the news of Seokjin leaving for the colonies as a private political advisor of King George III. There are no shedded tears from his mother, who bless her heart has had to endure being the talk of the town after her handsome son had been accused falsely of adultery, leaving the poor red headed foreign girl by herself on her wedding day. His younger brother doesn’t even show up as he is set to sail, tight fists around a couple of packed bags that contain his best garments along with a few books he is sure his father would disapprove of. The latter curtly waved his first born farewell after advising him against messing up such an amazing opportunity.

Kim Seokjin is a simple, yet no ordinary man, which is why it comes as no surprise when he is thrown away from King George III’s inner circle and sent back home on a rather humble boat where he is set on working the kitchens after suggesting the setting of judicial powers in the colonies. It comes as no surprise to his mother, who limits herself to watch her eldest son with teary eyes, something akin to pity on her gaze. It comes as no surprise to his brother, who scoffs and rolls his eyes as he smirks at him in disgust from the place is perched near the door. And it most certainly doesn’t come as a surprise to his father– at least he doesn’t think so, if the way he pinches his nose and strips Seokjin of his noble title right away is any indicator of said fact.

Kim Seokjin, Viscount of Hereford. A small patch of land that has been part of the Kim family for years on end, a rather lonely, unproductive and overlooked piece of land that tends to flood and get buried in snow during winter. Seokjin loves the dichotomy between his new title and the place he occupies in the Kim family. Disposable. Set aside for the best interest of his family. Forgotten. A small unfortunate spec of dirt in an otherwise rich, fertile land that carries the future of the country within themselves. He thinks his father’s love is shown in the way he is being merciful enough to let Seokjin keep some sort of title– a mirage of the life he was always taught to live.

“I do not believe there is a way for you to ruin your life this way, Seokjin” his father’s voice is carried by the noises outside his study, the man placing a portfolio full of gold in front of his son, he believes his father is even throwing in a few of his own earnings along with the Viscount ones.

Seokjin isn’t even sure if he can address his own father the way he used to do before– he knows if it were any other man with his title, he wouldn’t. “Live well, and I’ll do so too, your grace”

Kim Seokjin is a simple man, but by no means ordinary. As the rumours died down, mostly forgotten by whatever other pressing matters occupied the habitant’s minds, he prefers to keep to himself inside his manor, a humble yet decent place that still gets covered in snow during the harsh winters, an ever running fireplace and the constant smell of freshly baked bread as he watches the days go by much like he did before, his relation to the Kim family long faded as his father passes and Taehyung occupies the title, the tiniest pang of jealousy inside his chest– or perhaps longing– as he watches the younger bestride by his property on summer days, face set stoic as ever, without so much as a disgruntled look his way, in times when Seokjin isn’t required by the royal court for his self made diplomatic career– he sometimes wonders if he could have proved his father wrong as he made a name for himself, or perhaps the old man wasn’t as disappointed in him as he said he was, letting a letter of recommendation for his eldest son slip to the King’s court as a way for Seokjin to make a better living for himself. The truth is, he might have to live without it.

“Will you ever listen to mother when she is to call you for dinner?” your sister berates you as she rounds the corner to the place where you hide away near the infamous Kim manor. You can’t be exactly proud as to the way it has become a routine of sorts to stray from your own home to pass the summer days hidden away some place near Kim Taehyung and his daily activities.

You don’t even turn to look at her, intently watching the way the Duke keeps on being seated along the flowery patch, beige attire, jewellry adorning his hands as he has a book perched in between his fingers–poetry, most likely “He is such a boring man, is he not?”

“Y/N…”

“Come on, just look at him! What are such pompously rich people even set to do!” To any bystander– or any family member, for that matter, your daily activities were surely set to be product of an untended for crush on a wealthy man of town, you have no real energy within yourself to set the ideas straight, simply amused by such a way of living some people get to have while the rest of them– like your father, are set to work until they drop if they must upkeep their living arrangements, sustaining his daughters for the lack of a male in the bloodline “I bet he gets to have dinner in his chambers”

Your sister sighs loudly and finally follows your gaze “Kim Taehyung, Duke of York and Albany? What could be so interesting about the man to have you out here for days on end?”

“There isn’t anything interesting about the man- which was exactly my first point!”

“He does seem rather- apathetic” she giggles and you can’t help yourself but follow her lead– not without one last look towards the man. Kim Taehyung does truly look a lot of things, apathetic being just one of them.

“Children! What are you doing so far off? Come come, your father has brought news from the city!”

“This is such great tidings! I will finally live to marry one of my daughters off to a wealthy family!” Your mother declares as she clasps a hand over her heart, ever the theatrical self she has posed herself to be within the family.

You can’t help but frown as the information sinks into your brain “Is it not worth of any attention to be given my own feelings, mother?”

“Oh Y/N dearest, but your marriage to Duke Kim Taehyung has been on the talks since you were an infant, it had just been a matter of time”

Your father turns to you as your mother busies herself the way that she tends to do when excited, “Y/N daughter of mine, the Kim family will be able to give you all the things that you deserve in this lifetime”

“I have everything I could wish for right here, father, is it not enough to want to marry for love?”

“I’m sure with enough time, Duke Kim would be able to-”

“Oh don’t be a silly girl, Y/N, no great marriage is ever to happen from love, if only it is ever a bonus of such a great arrangement as this one”

“Mother I-”

“I will not hear a word of it, oh goodness dear, we must travel to the city to get some new garments, fix your hair, find yourself a tutor and-”

“Viscount Kim will be in charge of the last bit”

Your mother scoffs, smile pulling the sides of her mouth “A viscount, you surely do not expect such a low ranked gentleman to prepare our daughter for a Duke”

“Do not be afeard woman, this man was raised to take on his father’s Dukedom once upon a time”

As it comes down to it, Viscount Kim was set to arrive as a guest to your parents’ summer home a little over a month after your father had granted you the news. Something along the lines of travelling all the way from a foreign land as he dismissed his job as a diplomat in favour of tending to your educational needs for the duration of the season. Your father was set on the man making the proper and poised woman a Duke would undoubtedly marry, while your mother fussed over the littlest things in order to take care of her property for Viscount Kim’s arrival.

Soon enough the small manor was filled to the brim with life, a set of personnel to take over the house’s duties along with freshly imported fabrics that decorated the place near the lake– a set of land that made it all the easier to watch the Kim manor from the gardens.

“I am awfully sorry for the small place we were able to provide for you on such short notice, my Lord. The house is fully equipped with people to tend to your needs” your mother’s voice travels all the way to the back lounge, enough to have you scurrying down the hall to peak at the man– incredibly handsome and tall, plump lips that seem to be perpetually stuck into the smallest of smiles, glass skin, raven hair that travelled to the base of his neck, meeting the awfully expensive-looking shirt he sported.

“It is of no trouble, do not be concerned, my lady, this is all the more I could have hoped for, as you would understand, I am rather used to taking care of my own needs as I travel so much for work, it simply seems impossible to keep trusty people around” his voice is smooth, the way he stands tall and poised reminds you awfully to the way Duke Kim Taehyung carries himself– if only Viscount Kim seems a lot more relaxed. You make your presence known into the room, making sure to bow as instructed by your mother, receiving a bow from both in return.

“Ah, this is my daughter, Y/N” your mother presents you, along with a smile on her face “She is to be taken care of from you, I beg of you to set this child on the right track”

“I assure you, my lady, it will be be no trouble at all” you can’t help but get lost in Viscount Kim’s posture, soft murmurs and pouty pillowy lips that enunciate every word at an excellent pace as he seems to leave his soul bare with every word he says, tall, strong and very much evidently a handsome man that leaves you expectant for the upcoming days under his instructions.

As Seokjin makes a home out of the small cabin he was presented with, you can’t help but be amazed at how different his routine seems from Kim Taehyung’s, opting to switch out your routine in favour of entertainment in between lessons as the latter keeps himself busy roaming his manor’s gardens while the former opts to wake upon the rising of the sun and get to chores around the house all the while– quite the sight to be seen from a man, especially one of Seokjin’s calibre. The man is nothing quite ever seen before around the land as he dutifully reads the paper over coffee– all done by himself, heading over to get himself ready after having breakfast and fetch you for lessons, which once over, settle him down with some light letter writing– you can only guess due to his working duties as a government official. All taken into account there is no denying that Kim Seokjin has no flaw on his perfectly carved self, if only it wasn’t for his title.

“Proper ladies are to entertain with songs over tea, Y/N” his voice is soft, you can’t even tell if he’s scolding you for plainly taking the seat right across from him as soon as you finished tilting the teapot to pour him a cup of his own “At least that’s what my brother expects”

You feel your heart skip a beat at his words, suddenly feeling equal parts curious and embarrassed at having Duke Kim’s brother right in front of you, although it has yet to make any sense in the way that Seokjin surely seems to be older, yet not in line for his father’s Dukedom has you rising questions as your eyes open resembling platters “B-brother?”

The man simply nods his head ceremoniously, pushing the cup against his lips before taking a sip, curiosity getting the best out of you this one time “My father did not mention what happened between you”

“Love happened” Things are quiet after that, it is quite evident he does not wish for it to be talked about any further and you don’t want your curiosity to bring any embarrassment to any of you both at such an early stage of your preparation– even if it has been a few weeks now. Which gratefully, you didn’t even have to as he goes on with his story “People can be quite unforgiving of feelings and strong opinions, Y/N. And while I do not deem any of them atrocious as people as my father do, it is in your best interest to mould yourself to their ways of life, or else you end up like me for believing myself worthy of true love”

You can’t quite push the matter aside, as the image of his saddened smile keeps you awake in the evenings, the absolute pure way he had talked about such matters, being the first man you had ever known of being able to talk so freely about his feelings, believing in them so strongly he had traded his very own most prized possession– his title– for it.

Seokjin sits himself under the shade of the biggest tree around the small manor, small book in hand– looking rather beaten up with the passing of time at the way that its yellow-coloured pages hang to each other as the man’s soft voice recites practised words that seem to have never left his mind for some time, verses on the scenery, the love for life, the gratefulness of the kingdom, the passing of seasons and the beauty of women all seem to somehow pull you in as never before, the way that it seems like he could have the answers to the world if he could, entrusting his every syllable as you sit on the blanket across from him, the sun hitting your face as a smile draws upon you, unhelpfully rejoicing in the dull imagery of the words being his own, whispered to you in lovely rhymes, rather than out of some sort of compromise.

“I brought something with me this time” Seokjin had travelled to the city for a few days, deeming you responsible enough to go on with your studies on your own after some more weeks and extensive curriculum being almost over with as you now carry yourself with much more poise and delight. He had noted his absence as ‘taking care of private matters’ yet he had extended his intentions in one particular evening as he let you know he was visiting a friend, no name included, merely something about being asked to look over some literary work. He extends his hand for you to take the book he presents himself with, a new looking, covered in golden pieces one. “It’s an original piece, I believe you will surely enjoy reading, quite a commotion this one has caused”

You look at the cover, the name simply engraved out as ‘a Lady’ has you gasping while turning to look up at Seokjin in surprise. Whatever commotion it had caused had always been a matter to your liking– as Seokjin came to know. The books always kept far away from the small town you resided in, under the pretence of not messing with ladies’ heads. You can’t help but leap towards the Viscount, embracing him out of thankfulness as you hold the book closer to your chest, the widest smile he has ever seen on your face.

Seokjin’s voice had always been alluring in all ways possible, from the soft tone to the perfectly enunciating of his syllables, the way his eyes resembled every feeling the author had so gracefully placed in between sonnets, “…whatever must I do to keep on living this way, each summer as it came, to feel your love within me, and why shall I ever pray for you to refuse under the guise of being my muse…”

His words get carried by the wind, you swear the investment on some of the portrait painters that sometimes make it to the side of town would be completely worth the pieces of gold if their were to immortalise Kim Seokjin like that, sitting across the gardens, back against a tree as words leave his mouth, sun kissed skin glowing under the light–he was surely a sight to behold in a way that keeps on leaving your mind wandering places you don’t quite want it to, if Seokjin had once lost all he had in the name of love, would he be opposed to his brother’s plan and do it all again? Were he the man that had sworn on his life pledge to his very own bizarre priorities, would he turn a blind eye to whatever everyone else had to say and be yours instead?

“Y/N were you even listening to the piece? This is a must have repertoire on-” Seokjin’s eyes are as wide as platters the moment your lips crash into his, soon enveloped in the heat from the sun and Seokjin embracing your body as if afraid to let go, his hands are soft and cautious, merely holding your weight as your lips pour every once of love into each other, he can’t help but let a smile draw on his face as you separate from each other a second before diving back in “I am just getting myself in so much more trouble”

Kim Taehyung hadn’t even been meaning to eavesdrop– as hard as it was from the giggles coming from the other side of the Kim manor’s gardens, used to hearing them from a completely different direction as you played with your sisters. Certainly he hadn’t quite estimated how baffled he would be at the image right in front of him, a man he had grown up to look up to, even as he was casted away from the place– no one had ever questions Seokjin’s manners and gifts as a fully trained elite in town. And the woman he was meant to be marrying over the summer. It had almost seemed like out of one of his elder brother’s novels their father always berated him for reading, a ladies’ story, read in the dim light of a candle after hours. The happiness evident in your faces as both of you played around the garden, chasing one after the other, only for you to come crashing against Seokjin’s chest, lungs heaving as the man is sent to land on his back with your whole body on his, lips fairly pressing into each other as he turns to have his leave for the day.

Seokjin can’t help the smile that draws on his face as he packs up his things, looking one more time at the garden behind the manor, part of it longing for the days he had shared with his younger brother under the sun, the rest of it filled with your laughter as you both had done just about the same, the cold air is letting up as summer draws closer. He hears the familiar voice before he is even able to see him.

“You’re back” Taehyung’s voice had always had an uninteresting baritone tone to it even as a child, cold and alienated even if deep down Seokjin knew it wasn’t quite like it.

Seokjin had to try and race down his guilty heart at having his brother appear in such a way after years of the man openly denying their familial bond– he was mostly okay with it, could see where he was coming from, so he simply bows his head in respect as a greeting, knowing his place as well as the next gentleman, voice almost breaking at having to guide himself as such in front of his younger brother “Your grace”

Yet Taehyung would seem to have grown a lot like the strong man he remembers his father to be– always reproached him for being. “Cut the bullshit Seokjin, I saw you with the woman I am to marry” Seokjin can’t help but find his shoes entirely more interesting than the man rightfully accusing him of stepping over boundaries with his betrothed, the younger sighs deeply, most probably let down at Seokjin’s behaviour, as he has every right to be “When will you ever stop disgracing this family?”

He’s almost out the door as Seokjin mutter a somewhat unuseful “I’ll leave, the day after tomorrow”

“Good”

“You’re leaving?” your laugh dies in your throat as Seokjin’s fingers stop tracing your exposed skin– a tremendous mistake, your mother would input, having you offer yourself to Seokjin mere days before you’re being married off to his brother.

Seokjin pulls his head down to level with yours, lips barely touching yours as his fingers caress your cheek, “My job here is done”

The quietness in the room makes up a lot of noise as you look straight at him in the eye, rays of sunshine dripping through the window as they warm up both of your naked bodies laying in bed “I don’t think I can marry your brother”

Seokjin’s heart aches inside his chest as soon as the words leave your mouth, yet he finds enough strength within to say “You can, and you will” he pecks your lips “You will be the most beautiful Duchess out there” a kiss to your forehead “Y/N of York and Albany” lips to your temple “Your grace”

His body is on top of yours in a flat second, hands caressing the side of your exposed body before his fingers travel down to your folds, lips all over your face, kisses resounding in the heavily warm room. A gasp escapes past your lips and a smile draws on his face as soon as two of his fingers go inside your cunt, he barely moves as he lets you adjust to the new feeling, you can feel some wetness down there as he removes his digits, opting to coat your folds with your juices, thumb circling your bud as his mouth travels down to the expanse of your neck, teeth barely grazing your skin as you feel yourself clench around nothing, hips moving up and forward in a futile attempt to recreate the friction he had been doing before, bringing a bubbling laugh out of Seokjin’s throat. Yet he complies. This time, he starts pumping his fingers in and out gently, leaving you closed eyes and moaning–relishing the moment as the sun hits the side of his face, almost angelical. You barely have a second to process the reality of it all, rutting against Seokjin’s hands as he speeds up his movements. Your hand travels down his body, barely grazing the tip of his cock that has him hissing, yet all he does is let his open mouthed kisses travel along your neckline.

“Wait-I- I wanna help too” you manage to moan out between breaths and him adding a finger inside you, scissoring the ones already inside.

“This is all about you, Y/N”

Seokjin is quick to remove his hand as soon as you start quirming to much, opting to let himself sit on his knees, your neck straining to try and steal a look at his doings as he reclines himself, hands on the back of your thighs, propping your legs on his shoulders as he dives right in, wet muscle against your already wet and shiny and worked up folds, the warmth of his movements on your clit have your back hitting the bed further not long after he’s slurping you up, fingers coming back at their own thrusting pace as you feel a knot forming in the pit of your stomach, head spinning as Seokjin nibbles on your bundle of nerves, allowing you to ride through your climax.

Your eyes open after a brief moment, coming eye to eye to the image of Seokjin handling his hardness, hand jerking himself off, growing stiffer by the second before he catches your eye, smiles tenderly, eyes shining brightly, voice barely above a whisper as he lines himself with your entrance. “May I?”

His thrusts are gentle, lips catching yours, always slow and reassuring every time your brows furrow awkwardly, the sheer amount of touching, along with his increasing pace has you clenching around him, the sounds the both of you let out resounding in the room in a way that has you thanking the loneliness such a cabin provides. His movements soon turn erratic, less paced and chasing in a way that has him painting your walls white with his seed, marking you down as forever his before he collapses beside you, sweaty bodies sticking together, smiles plastered on both of your faces that seem to at least temporarily make the scary and unstable future fade far away.

The days seem to all blend between each other perfectly, the voices around you barely muttering a word your way as the wedding becomes the talk of the town–it is indeed, not everyday that such a high ranking family like the Kims are willing to unite a son heir of Dukedom to a much lower ranking family; you can’t help but remember the words Seokjin so softly spoke before, sweet nothings on true love and freewill that now just seem nothing more than a figment of your imagination. Seokjin had returned to the city, a longing gaze along with a sweet smile and a kiss on the top of your head as he walked off. Soon enough the manor was back to being what it was before– inhabited, cold, lonely. No traces of such a human as Kim Seokjin ever lived there, with his morning tea, freshly dropped newspapers and soft gazes to the horizon as the sunlight embraced his perfectly handsome face. You find you can’t really fathom Kim Taehyung ever being related to Kim Seokjin. Not when the man stands boorishly against a worn out tree, nor when he mentions three days being left before the wedding, not even more so as you stand across from him on the altar as both of your families–and most part of the town– get together to celebrate such a joyous day.

Vows are practised and quickly enounced, a small part of your heart breaks when you turn to the public, watching Kim Seokjin sitting at the back of the room, the last bit of hope shattering right in front of your eyes as you watch him leave the place with a stoic frown on his face once the infamous line on intervening the union comes around. You don’t see the elder man ever coming back in, something deep down tells you you have lost him as soon as you are pronounced Taehyung’s wife.

“Ladies aren’t supposed to laugh over dessert, Y/N” Taehyung’s tone is berating, almost automatically making you roll your eyes, wonder if this is what Seokjin had so much as warned you about when he mentioned his younger brother being “A bit stale on the humour”

Your mind can’t help but recall all the times Seokjin had corrected your manners on the table, giving out useful pointers, always accompanied by some sort of praise on being glad you were always being yourself over your poised facade. Can’t help but let your mind wander how different would life be if Seokjin was standing in Taehyung’s place.

Mornings with Kim Taehyung are quite uneventful, the man quite insisting on keeping separate rooms for the night, pronouncing words about working late hours– yet you are still not sure what exactly he could mean about it.

The first morning sickness comes exactly two months after your wedding, a quick trip to the bathroom in order to spill the contents of whatever snack you had munched on the night before after dinner, although by the second week of it being a common occurrence, you can’t help but wonder if it was time yet of any bug being around town. The urgency behind getting an assisting doctor overriding whatever silent pact you and your now husband had had for the past few weeks, in order to approach him in his study hours where you are greeted by the impassive man with glasses perched on his nose as he carefully eyes you before opening his mouth to speak.

“Mother and father do not have the need to know, they’ll be a Kim either way” the last part of his sentence gets lost in the way that he disdainfully goes back to the papers spread on his desk.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re with child” and it seems like he had drawn the conclusion himself, no need for medical opinions, pure observance and a hundred percent certainty in his voice–you can’t help but wonder if he had learnt such a thing from his brother; Taehyung takes the time to look up at you and mutter three words that have your whole world spinning and threading some sense into the events from the past few months “My brother’s child”

Word spreads like fire after the Kim manor’s staff gets a hold of the information along with watching your body adjust to welcoming the new life inside of you. As much as Taehyung seems to navigate the lie perfectly with carefully curated polite words, bowing of his head at the congratulatory words and accepting gifts with utmost care, you can’t help but roam your eyes around the room everytime someone mentions the pregnancy. You soon find you can’t hold eye contact with his parents over dinner anymore, even behind all those layers of gratefulness and tender heartedness that come with knowing you’re carrying Kim Seokjin’s child, you can’t help the shame that goes along with your husband knowing and accepting you are to birth a rightful heir to his Dukedom that is not his, but his exilated brother. A man you are still not quite sure which place he holds in the younger’s heart.

Shame turns into something just a tad darker as soon as your belly grows and Taehyung is softly mumbling words that you can’t quite hear as his large hands make a home on the side of your stretched stomach, feeling firsthand the life both you and his brother had created out of what you can only pronounce as true love. There’s a sad longing on his striking features as he does so, the sun going down illuminating the lounge as he seems to contemplate the universe as a whole, staring off into space as his fingertips touch every cervix of your clothed belly. It had never been a secret just how much Kim Taehyung had aspired to be a father, the people absolutely delighted and congratulating him on his first born–if only it wasn’t about to be the one who was conceived at the heights of a delightful summer affair behind closed doors, by none other than his then future wife and his very own free spirited brother.

As soon as morning sickness lets up, you can’t help yourself from roaming around the gardens that take you to where Seokjin had once made a home for the both of you, the early morning breeze chilling your bones as your naked feet wet themselves with morning spring, heart leaping at the reminiscence of what could have been if possible. Taehyung can’t help the sadness inside of him, thinking back to all those times he had silently watched from the very own window he’s staring down from, as you and his brother played around like infants in the gardens that collided with the Kim manor. Deep down he had always known his brother wasn’t cut for the part he was born and raised into, always preferring to walk his own path rather than take the easier way out– now he can perfectly see how the two of you would work together. It was such a pity he had always been the one to do a toll, taking every step his father had once taken that landed them in such a great position. If having to raise his very own child as his, no questions asked, he would do it in a heartbeat. On gloomy days where your feet seem to drag you just a tad slower, he can’t help but wonder if the child would take after both of you, soul full of light only reaching for the beauty in the world, the best in people, their own happiness. If the child would also run the disgrace of finding a free spirited soul like them– like you both had done– the universe placing them together only to be ripped apart, condemned to a future of longing.He wonders if then, his mother would know the child would be too much like Seokjin for anyone’s comfort.

Taehyung also pretends he does not see the letters coming in.

He pretends he does not recognise the perfectly calligraphy that adorns the envelopes as if he had not grown on the extensive writings his older brother had so gently provided for him in an effort to show his love for the younger. Kim Seokjin is nowhere to be found, not by him, nor his father, nor yourself. So he lets you have as much.

Kim Taehyung also pretends he does not write letters of his own back to his brother, using the unofficial mailman he has hired for such things, letting him know the child, a precious little girl, had been born and was healthy and well cared for. Not a word comes out of his mouth as the letters double in quantity after that.

You’re holding your baby in your arms, barely asleep in the comfort of your warmth when Taehyung comes into the feeding room, the softest gaze you had seen him sport on his face, and all while very clearly aware of whose child it was, you can’t help the words slipping out of your mouth “You’re a great man, Kim Taehyung, for I know I am nothing but lucky to have you take responsibility on something that wasn’t yours to take, but you are a man as cold as the winter that envelops this land”

He’s by your side in a second, you can’t seem to shake away the feeling that this was the very first time he had really taken a look at you. Taehyung’s heart fills with something he had deemed lost too long ago, after his brother had left the manor under his father’s persistence, the years of hearing his mother cry herself to sleep, mourning her son’s departure breaking whatever small ability he had ever poses of feeling a sense of familiarity of his own. He would have blamed it on endorphins if asked, the way his lips are warm against yours for the very first time after the wedding.

Seokjin’s letters had stopped, not a word ever mentioned on whatever trips of his that had seemed closer to each other as he expressed his eternal gratitude of being able to rank just a little bit higher during one of his expeditions. Words thrown around about being able to give you and your child every single piece of gold you both deserved, wanting to provide, perhaps at the expense of whatever crazy idea had crossed his mind that day, at this pace I could become king, Y/N, so wait for me. His last letter had been read.

Entering Taehyung’s study wasn’t completely off limits, at least you could pretend as much, even as he acted more open to your marital life, no real conversations had ever taken place. The man was out for some business as you let yourself in. A velvet sealed letter resting atop of his wooden desk, the words Important matter: Kim Seokjin written in gold. Curiosity takes the best of you as you open the envelope, vision growing blurry as soon as your mind registers the words you had just read.

“Dearest Kim Taehyung, your Highness.

It is with immense regret and bewilderment that I write this letter to inform you of your late brother’s passing on duty. I accompany you and your family in your grief, for he was an excellent man. Please allow me to ask you to contact me further for the preparations.”

The passing hours feel like an eternity as you find the information on the letter. A tear stained face, a newly born baby to a man that was deemed gone without a proper goodbye, A promise of someday and forever all at once and your heart ripping your chest apart as the words fail to register themselves fully in your mind.

Taehyung’s bed is always empty, now the small faltering handwritten note that lays beside him is a newly presented commotion itself, even more so as the words utter sonnet upon sonnet on thankfulness and true love, along with an empty room and a lonely crib that has the smart man deciding upon taking an irrational leap of faith and onto what his father had always called a coward’s way of life, choosing to believe your words on true love and hoping that you would find whatever it was you were looking for.

The condolences are almost refreshing on his scorched heart as he put on a show on you and your child’s disappearance, assuring everyone that you would most certainly not come back. The caskets are shut and empty inside. It’s such a pity, after what we heard about your brother just last month. Some others deem it a curse that he’s sure is now being suspected of being passed down the Kim lineage.

If true love truly did exist, he can only hope both you and Seokjin find it.

The market had always been a city thing, impersonal and aloof, something to distract his running mind during the weekends he could let himself travel. Taehyung is always left surprised at the rate at which the city keeps on growing. It has become a hiding spot of sorts. Which is exactly the reason why he does not even bat an eye as his gaze runs into a much too familiar one, Kim Seokjin stands proudly, dressed like something more than a Duke himself, crouching down to envelop a little girl’s body in a hug, a bow of his head let his brother know he is seen and had done well, some might even say thankful for it, if only they were to properly be able to acknowledge each other. You turn around, face glowing, all too familiar protruding belly as the second one is on their way. He can’t even reprimand his own decisions, going against what he once stood for as he watches the both of you glow under your own light, love tearing the seams as two ghosts of his past keep on walking the path they had always dreamed of. Their very own path. Kim Taehyung wishes he could do things all over again. He gets it now.

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