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twstfanblog · 16 days

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*~Period Drama~* Tuesday

A/N: SCREAMS. I am...SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG. We had to do double time to move out of our house since our landlords decided to fucking sell the property so we had to LEAVE. But it's done and I'm very happy with it and I hope you like it too. Enjoy~! Word Count: 6.7K Warnings: She/They Pronouns OC, Lilia does look and poke at Yuu's genitals Pairings: YuuxJamilxAzulxMalleus (Poly), (Sebek/Silver in the corner) ~Taglist (At this point I'm just adding everyone I've found who was interested in the fic XD) @twistedcece @deltrea @krenenbaker @koebishrimpuwu @cat100200 @emyluwinter @obsessionswithfandoms @ady-hilborn @lucid-stories @girl-nahh-two @itz-hydrodeptus-foxy7 @chyluna @riddlesimps @death-the-jo @a-twistedheartslonging @qixlin @chaosistheonlyway @welcome-to-my-horde @abell2029cluster @kirans-wonderland @coffee-or-hot-cocoa @the-ace-reader @iamsoconfusedallofthetime @chroniccorvus @marvelous-maxi @prolonged-eyecontact @lozplayer @jabberwocky-warrior @thateldribitch @bun-lapin @mel1rose @ladyraeka @ladyzsgolla Start, Part 2 (Octavinelle), Part 3 (Heartslabyul), Part 4 (Savanaclaw), Part 4.5 (Diasomnia pt1), Part 5 (Here)

Malleus almost always forgot he even owned a phone, meaning he basically never texted Yuu. So when his personalized text tone played Yuu was quick to stop their sobbing and open his message.

‘May I see you tomorrow?’

Short, simple, sweet, and weirdly formal. Yuu smiled, typing back quickly before the horned fae forgot he owned a phone again.

‘Sure babes. Sorry ive been mia the past few days. Not feeling well. Ill explain when i see you tomorrow.’

‘I should hope so.’

Okay, vaguely rude.

When Malleus had said tomorrow, Yuu assumed he meant during lunch or after classes. Instead, he showed up on their doorstep with his whole family unit and a grumbling Grim in tow at 8am in the goddamn morning. None of them were in uniform, clad in casual comfortable clothing. They clearly planned to spend the whole day with her instead of a simple visit.

She blinks, almost overwhelmed at the sheer…something of the current event, “Hi…It's…really early.”

Lilia smiles, tilting his head as he holds up a large and slightly weathered first aid bag, “We brought gauze!”

Silver holds out his arms, the dire beast scowling but unmoving in his grip, “And Grim.”

“Oh, what beautiful treasures…”

“Enough beating around the unwanted bush.” Malleus steps forward, hands reaching to clasp around Yuu's. Looking into their surprised eyes with determination, “What is this illness and how can I help ease you of it?”

Yuu snorted, closing her eyes in an effort to not start laughing at how seriously Malleus was taking their ‘ailment’, “It'll…It'll pass with time, Malleus. But, luckily, I'm actually feeling a lot better than yesterday.” They step to the side, managing to pull a hand free from Malleus's grip to gesture for the Diasomnia family to enter.

Silver nods his head in thanks, walking into the hall to place Grim down. The cat quickly running further in the house, remarking Yuu still smelled weird, “That's good to hear. Did you use a form of medicine to ease your symptoms?”

Yuu closes the door behind them, Malleus already firmly attached to their side. No doubt the smell of their blood making him hyper-aware of their every movement, “Yeah. Crewel gave me a lecture and a pain potion when he brought me dinner last night. Plus the guttural sobbing I've been doing. But, I think it was mainly because I finally took that body cleansing shit…”

The beat of silence almost makes Yuu burst into laughter again, the four males all looking a level of stunned before Silver shakingly spoke.

“A-ah…That's...good?”

“Yeah, it really realigned my chakras or something.”

“Okay?”

“Yuu, could you tell us exactly what is going on?” Lilia's smile was strained. He had spent most of last night racking his memory of various illnesses. Any that he knew of that dealt with bleeding were things that would have killed Yuu within the hour if they had reached that stage. But to know they'd been bleeding for days? Whatever they had managed to catch was cause for concern. But now knowing it was causing other ailments…it was either a truly deadly disease or it was evolving into one…

“Oh, it's nothing serious. Just the muscles that are causing all this-” Yuu makes a vague gesture to their lower anatomy, “- are the same muscles that handle pooping. So…it was expected to happen…”

There was another beat of silence, each male looking at Yuu's stomach, placing the pieces together slowly as they realized she gestured below her stomach.

“Why…why did you…gesture…down there?” Silver spoke slowly, eyes making quick glances between Yuu's crotch, then to Malleus's blank face, then to Sebek's tearfully bewildered expression. Is…are they…?

Malleus says what all of them were fearfully thinking, “Is the blood coming out of you from your nethers!?”

“Ye.”

Lilia stood still, eyes wide as he openly stared at Yuu's crotch. This was…he had never heard of such a thing…

Malleus's hands quickly grabbed at Yuu's hips, magic flowing from his fingers in his panicked attempts to heal what he could only fear was internal ripping, “Why did no one tell me!?”

“I don't think you should be bleeding from there, Yuu?”

“Silver. Words can not describe how badly I wish I wasn't. But, sadly, yeah, this is completely natural for me to do. I wish I wasn't. I am so full of fucking hatred right now, I am a literal danger to my and everyone else's safety.”

Lilia made quiet work of prying Malleus off of Yuu, though he was clearly still concerned himself, “It's natural to bleed out of your nethers?”

“Where I'm from? Unfortunately yes.” Yuu shrugs, holding Malleus's hand as the horned fae tried to reattach himself to their side, “The pussy is a curse and the price must be paid in blood sadly.” They say it with a level of nonchalance that only has the Diasomnia crew looking at them in worry.

Malleus grips tighter to Yuu's hand, raising it to press a gentle kiss to their knuckles, “Please, there has to be something that can be done to ease this curse…”

“...” Yuu pulled Malleus to the living room, showing the plethora of blankets and pillows on the floor. Empty bottle and snack wrappers pushed to a corner of the rug in an effort to keep the cozy area of the floor clear. Yuu gestures to the darkened room, heavy curtains closed to enhance the perfect sleep environment, “You guys can do whatever around the house. But, if you wanna join me, I was about to lay down in the dark listening to sad music and take a nap.”

Sebek sneers, eyes squinted as he mumbled out, “It's 8am…?”

Yuu whips around, ignoring Malleus's worried fretting for their neck, “Hey, Sebek? You don't need to fucking be here.”

Sebek's sneer turned into a deep frown, his expression clearly showing how badly he wanted to yell back. But with their ‘illness’, plus Malleus's protective stance, he knew he'd quicker be scolded than actually get a sentence out.

“Wow, you are more full of hate. You normally let Sebek get at least four sentences out before telling him to be quiet.” Silver moves to sit on the couch, only to realize that Yuu had removed all of the larger cushions and used them as padding for the floor.

Malleus looked over the sad state of his lover's nest, frowning before he pulled Yuu closer to ask them quietly, “Would you mind if I fixed your nest? This looks…barely functional.”

Yuu smiles, bringing a hand up to pat Malleus's face gently, “Do as you please, Peligroso.”

Malleus kisses their palm before moving toward the mash-up of cushions, blankets, and - to his distaste - bloody towels. He first deconstructed the mess, organizing the materials he had before coming to the conclusion he needed more.

No one tried to stop Malleus as he walked out of the room, his pupils dilated as he busied himself in nest-making.

“Beastie, are you really well? Mundane for you aside, losing that much blood at a steady pace can't be good for you…” The scent of blood was off at that. Fresh blood was concerning enough, but the smell of old blood was not good if one was actively bleeding.

Yuu waves their hand, sneaking a towel from Malleus's separated piles to sit on, “No need to worry Lils; Crewel’s made sure I've been taking iron supplement potions, plus I'm still taking the multivitamin Riddle demanded I start at the beginning of the year once our beef ended.”

Malleus returns, bulks of blankets and pillows floating behind him into the room. He quickly turns a sharp eye toward Yuu, seeing one of the cleaner towels had been taken from his nest piles. But at seeing their smile, he could only sigh and begin building.

Lilia clicks his tongue, holding the old medical bag in his hands, “Well, I'm not sure how useful this gauze is going to be then if it coming out from such an area…I'm not sure you're open to the idea of it…being inserted.”

“I'm not.”

“Fair.” Lilia removed the bag from his shoulder, allowing it to drop to the ground. Walking closer to Malleus, yet still a few feet away, he started to teasingly offer his unwanted opinion of how his ‘mate’ would like the nest to look.

Silver and Sebek took seats on the ground closer to Yuu, the second year pulling the medical bag into his lap as he started to look through it, “While the gauze may be useless, I think there's some pain ointment still in here. Possibly a potion but it's long bitter by now…Oh.”

From inside the bag, Silver pulled out a simple arm cuff attached to a hand pump and dial. It looked old, but the metal holding it together still shined, “Lend me your arm, I want to check your blood pressure.”

“My blood pressure? Why?” Yuu still held their arm out, letting Silver gently clasp the cuff to their lower bicep, “I haven't felt light headed.”

“You might not have noticed if you've been bleeding as long as you have…” he starts to pump the bulb, the cuff growing tighter, “Just see it as a way for me to get peace of mind…”

Silver and Sebek watch the needle, their expressions slowly turning concerned at the reading.

Sebek whispered under his breath, one of his eyes twitching in annoyance as he reread the result, “Why is it high?”

Yuu blinked, looking at the dial before turning to Silver, “Yeah, that's…normal.”

“...Really?”

“I don't know, man. I'm 15, I've never had to know what my normal blood pressure is.”

Silver sighed, deflating the cuff and removing it, “Did you never take notice of it when you went to the doctor for check ups?”

“Silver, baby boy, I haven't been to the doctor since I was in elementary school. Do you not know how expensive a doctor appointment is?”

“I really hate when you say things like that…” Silver still didn't understand how a simple doctor's visit cost money. It was a universal service, all they'd have to do was walk into the nearest office and simply wait.

Yuu hummed, nodding her head, “I forget that you guys have free healthcare here…I kinda just conditioned myself to be ok with dying since the doctor was so expensive where I'm from.”

Silver sighed, fingers pressing against his temple, “Please, curb that habit. For all of our sakes…”

“You got a will to live in there then?”

“...” Silver looks through the bag, managing to pull out an antique-looking locket that held a graying, grainy photo of a confused-looking Malleus on one side and a more vivid photo of a sleeping infant Silver on the other, “I think this is what father uses?”

“Oh my god?” Yuu couldn't stop the bubbling laughter that started when they spoke. They cover their mouth and gently bring the locket closer to look at the photos. Only now do they realize Malleus in the photo has a small circlet of a crown on his forehead. There was no telling how old the photo was, possibly in a time the first camera was even made and Lilia got his hands on one.

They snort, letting the locket swing from their hand and allow Silver to place it back in the bag, “Ok…that works. I now have the strength to carry on.” From the corner of their eye, they can see Sebek's stern gaze staring into the side of their face, “Yes, Sebek? Can you be helped?”

The half-faes's face pinches together harder, lip curling up into a scowl as he looks away briefly. His mild avoidance was short-lived, turning back to Yuu with an expression of concern, “You're…You're okay now, correct?”

At Yuu and Silver's stunned expressions, Sebek grows more timid, thumbs twiddling together as he clasped his hands, “Ace’s texts didn't give much info. But even knowing that…that didn’t transpire, this is still a worrying state of affairs.” Sebek looks up from his hands, staring into Yuu's eyes with steady resolve, “We have our differences more than anything. But I count you as my comrade in ensuring Waka-Sama’s happiness. Your continued good health would be in the best interest of all!”

It was no secret that Yuu and Sebek did not get along. Their first official meeting was a brawl that neither walked away from unscathed (and Sebek left the fight with a secret he'd be taking to his grave under Lilia's instructions). They bickered, fought, and openly slandered each other every chance they got. Truely, the only things keeping them from killing each other were the facts they shared the same friend group and that Yuu was romantically involved with Malleus. Yuu was sure without those factors, Sebek would have actually declared them an enemy of Briar Valley itself.

So to see and hear the other first-year state that he was concerned was jarring at best.

Yuu stared at Sebek, the half-fae looking at them with an open and vulnerable expression as he waited for their truth. Honestly, were they ok? It'd been only a few days but this felt like the worst period Yuu had ever had. And seeing how their flow wasn't easing as it normally would, they were sure it was going to be longer than normal too. They were in pain, everyone was treating them as though they would shatter at the slightest inconvenience. They were free bleeding of all things…but, their friends cared and were each trying to make things better.

Azul and the Tweels had basically tried to cater their every meal, though they kept their distance; mer noses were so sensitive to blood after all. Crewel would come in the evenings with medication and conversation. Riddle was compiling a list of some kind with Jade, but he was using info from their “interview” to figure out ways to ease their symptoms. Ace and Deuce had both swore to actually take notes for once so that they wouldn't fall behind in their classes. Trey had texted a number of times, sneakily trying to gauge their temperament so he could ambush them with baked goods. Cater had sent several photos of wet, angry, disheveled-looking cats with the caption ‘this u?’ whenever they were in a bad mood.

Even just yesterday, Jack had basically appointed himself as their bodyguard, not allowing anyone closer than 2 feet from their person. Ruggie had gone into nursemaid mode and Yuu was mildly terrified at how prepared and willing he was to help them deliver a baby. Even Leona's lazy ass had helped. Held them while they cried all the way to their dorm, calling them at midnight just to check if they were sleeping and not up alone with their thoughts.

And now, the Diasomnia family unit had brought them a first aid kit. Not the correct move, but a show of concern either way. Looking into Sebek's face only cemented how cared for they were by their forged family. Yuu opened their mouth slightly as though to speak, waiting as Sebek perked up, leaning closer to fully hear what they were about to say.

Instead of words, all that escaped Yuu's mouth was a burp that traveled directly into Sebek's face.

The half-fae sputters, annoyance growing at Silver's near silent ‘Excuse you’ to the other human. He wiped at his face as though he could remove the air, growling before he pointed a finger at Yuu's smug little grin, “You should have been killed when your mother birthed you!”

“Sebek.”

Sebek quickly placed his hand in his lap, frowning hard as he looked down in an odd mixture of shame and anger. Malleus had turned around and scolded him almost instantly. The dragon fae was frowning, eyes filled with a disappointment only an older sibling could give. He stared long enough until Sebek finally relented and spoke through gritted teeth at Yuu.

“My deepest apologies. You are injured and I have no reason to…antagonize you. Please, forgive me…”

“Did that hurt to say, Sebek?”

Silver placed a hand on Yuu's shoulder, trying to not sigh or laugh their antics, “Yuu…”

Yuu smiled, tilting their head and nodding, “Apology accepted, Sebek. Just don't be mean to me, okay~?”

Translation; I'm going to milk this for your whole visit.

Sebek's frown curled so tight it could only be called a pout. But seeing how he didn't speak further, Yuu turned to speak directly to the 3rd years only to choke mildly at the new impressive structure taking up space adjacent to the fireplace.

What was once their sad faux floor bed set up was a large blanket nest. Pillows tastefully lining the sides for support and comfort, blankets laid together to cover the couch cushions while some were still free to wrap in. A large throw blanket suspended in the air by magic cloaks the whole structure like an open tent. It looked cozy, it looked inviting. Yuu almost hated how proud Malleus looked of his work.

“...” Yuu rolled their eyes, trying to hide their blush as they turned away from Malleus's increasingly smug face, “Ok, your nest is very impressive. Are you proud of yourself?”

“Not until you are in it.”

Lilia spoke quietly, eyes giving Malleus a playful warning look as he chuckled, “Remember you two, we're here with you…”

Yuu laughs, standing from their towel and stretching, “Alright, nap time.” They take care to place down the towel, climbing into the nest and making themselves comfortable in the structure. They had no actual animal-based DNA, but they felt the need to curl up and sleep for DAYS from their new cozy spot. Malleus had built the nest well.

Opening their eyes, they could barely stop the snort that tried to escape them. Malleus was pressed against the side of the nest, eyes wide and focused on them. Yuu tilted their head, smiling widening as Malleus tilted his head in response, “You wanna join me?”

The question makes Malleus lean back, eyes almost bulging out of his head before he manages to school his features, “So bold…As always.” He laughs from behind his hand, “I’m happy to see you are in better spirits compared to yesterday.”

Yuu casts him a confused glance, wondering just when the dragon fae had seen them yesterday. While Malleus made himself comfortable beside them, they looked at the remaining Diasomnia unit standing at attention around the nest, “You guys coming in?”

Lilia snorts, ignoring Mallues’s glare demanding they refuse Yuu’s invitation, “Are you sure, Beastie? We wouldn’t want to intrude…” His eyes lock on Malleus’s, communicating silently that if Yuu invited them into their nest, it’d be rude to deny their request.

“I mean I invited you in the first place.” They gesture to the empty space beside them and Malleus, “Plus, this thing has room for like four more people…”

Malleus mumbles under his breath, an arm wrapping around Yuu’s middle and bringing them closer to his body to nuzzle into their hair, “Or eight children…”

“What?”

“Hm?” Malleus pulls from their hair, smiling at their confused face before making himself comfortable against them again.

Lilia actually laughs this time, “Well, if you insist.”

Everyone climbs into the nest; Lilia pressed against Malleus’s side with Silver beside him already half asleep. Sebek had begrudgingly made his place beside Yuu, huffing as the human offered their hand to hold. Neither of them speaking when Sebek does grip their hand gently. Once everyone had seemed cozy, Yuu retrieved their phone from their pajama pants pockets, opening their ‘sad times’ playlist to start playing music. But the sound of a thud rings out from the kitchen, everyone turning to the noise in mild suspense. Soon, Grim enters the room with a bag of cookies clutched in his mouth.

Yuu raises an eyebrow but helps Grim climb his way into the nest, the cat curling up against their side squished between them and Sebek, “Was that you? Did you fall off of something-hold on.” They grab the bag of cookies from Grim, frowning once they realize what they were holding, “Are these the good cookies? You little shit, you said you ate the last of them!”

Grim grumbled, curling up tighter to Yuu’s side and swatting at their hand tugging on his ear, “I lied! You always hog them so when you left one day I hid them to snack on myself…But…” He huffed, looking at them from the corner of his eyes, “I think you need them more than I do…”

“...” Yuu sniffled, fanning their face as tears started to build in their eyes, “Grim…Grim…” They take a shuddering breath, ignoring the others watching them in worry, “I already threw up like twice yesterday from crying so hard, I’m not doing it again.”

“Parden?” Malleus’s brows creased. When did they throw up!? Just how severe was this illness?

Yuu waves his concerns off, tapping onto their ‘Sad Vibes’ playlist, setting it to shuffle before they connect to the lounge speakers, “It's not important, Malleus. I'm not gonna cry. We're gonna lay down in the dark and listen to sad songs and sleep.”

Sebek mumbles from beside Yuu, his free hand petting a softly purring Grim, “That seems to be the perfect setting to cry in…?”

Lilia gives Yuu a worried glance but doesn't agree nor disagree. He instead places a hand on Malleus’s shoulder, a silent effort to calm the dragon's fussing, “Well, if we're going to listen to music, just none of that Mitsuki woman please…”

Silver blinks his eyes open, tiredly looking to Lilia, “But I like the dog song.”

“...” Lilia sighs, his arm moving to wrap around Silver's shoulders and bringing him closer, “I…I know…”

Yuu tearfully laughed, laying their head onto a softly fretting Malleus. Their weak laughter breaks from teary into genuine amusement as the first song starts.

My baby, my baby…

Leaning over Malleus, snickering as the dragon fae gently presses her head back down to his chest as a silent command to sleep, Yuu whispers to Lilia, “I’m sorry…”

Lilia’s smile is strained, his grip on a sleeping Silver slowly increasing as he fought against his own emotions, “No you're not…”

The nap lasted far too long, Malleus thought to himself. The dragon fae didn't actually sleep, but he kept watch of his family as they did. Silver of course slept, curled up in Lilia's intense embrace before the bat general eased into a light sleep. Though Sebek had been the most against the nap, he had dozed off not long after Silver. One hand still gripping onto Yuu’s while the other resting on a snoring Grim's back.

Yuu was out almost immediately after Sebek, a content smile on their face as they curled up to Malleus's chest. A smile he watched slowly fade through the hours. A common occurrence as one slept, something he's learned from years of watching Silver. What concerned him were the twitches and grimaces of pain that started to increase the longer they stayed asleep. He didn't want to wake Lilia to ask for advice, the older fae having spent most of his night in worry over Yuu's condition and it didn't help he wasn't a morning person normally.

But if the discomfort was enough to affect Yuu's sleep, it was no wonder they felt the need to nap so early in the morning. They possibly hadn't slept the night before from pain alone. He had spent a few moments thinking how he could help, an arm around their waist and a hand pressed to their lower stomach to ease magic from his fingertips. His healing magic wasn't nearly as refined as he wanted. No matter how much magic he poured in, there were no wounds to be closed on the surface. But he could feel how Yuu would curl into his palm, almost trying to trap the heat close to them.

So for the past two hours he laid in a nest with his fiancé, his father, his brother, his brother's ‘friend’, and a cat; palm pressed just above his lover's mysteriously bleeding anatomy to act as a glorified hot water bottle.

Though he had no true method of knowing, he felt as though his grandmother was laughing at his predicament.

And while he did find the lyrics and vocals of Miss Amy Lee to be rather enchanting, he felt relieved to hear the music stop playing abruptly and a shrill beeping take its place. He couldn't help but smile, listening to everyone minus Silver groan at the sound of the alarm. Lilia huffed, snuggling his nose into Silver's hair while the human knight remained perfectly asleep. Sebek had pouted but still sat up, blinking in mild confusion as to where he was. Yuu had tried to bury their head in the space between his arm and chest, a hand reaching out blindly to no doubt silence the alarm.

As much as Malleus enjoyed his loved ones sleeping peacefully around him, he didn't think letting them sleep anymore was the correct choice. He smiled, easily catching Yuu's hand to gently kiss their knuckles, “My dear. I do believe your nap is over now.”

Yuu groans, but doesn't try to pull away, “At least turn the alarm off…”

Lilia clicks his tongue, finally pulling away from Silver to sleepily reach for Yuu's still blaring phone, “I got it…”

“Thanks-ack!” They were batted in the face by Grim's increasingly annoyed tail, the dire beast fighting to stay asleep from the rising noise. A move that had Yuu sneezing after a few moments.

The fae and Grim instantly snapped to attention. Yuu's sneeze was quickly followed by an overwhelming scent of blood. The sudden change in the atmosphere instantly waking Silver. Sebek had tightened his grip on Yuu's hand, almost as though he were helping them to brace against pain. Grim scrambled away from their side, moving to frown and shake from the other side of Sebek.

Malleus brought both his arms to wrap around Yuu's body. How could he let his guard down in such a way? They were sick. Why did he assume a nap was the correct choice to make? They should be in the care of a professional. Now they had clearly torn something, or something had hemorrhaged and they were bleeding out internally-

Lilia turned the alarm off, quickly kneeling and placing his hands on Yuu's knees, “Yuu, I know you said this was natural. But this is concerning. As your future midwife, I implore you allow me to check there isn't actual damage to yourself.”

“I- Lilia, I'm fine. I just sneezed.” Sneezing on one’s period was never nice, sure. Yuu fully felt as though they just forced out half their bladder even though they knew that wasn't the case. “It happens sometimes. The clenching just makes blood come out.”

Malleus growls, his arms tightening around Yuu's body. Lilia was right. No matter how much Yuu claimed it was normal and routine, they shouldn't be bleeding like this, “My love, please. Let him check. Lilia has more medical training than possibly anyone on campus. Just allow him to check.”

“Malleus-”

“Please…” Malleus pleads, concern clear on his and the other's face.

“...” Yuu rolls their eyes but starts to shimmy their pajama pants down, “Fine. If it'll calm you down.”

Sebek and Silver instantly look away, though both shuffle closer in an act to box Yuu in so that no one else could see the human’s privates.

Lilia was quiet, eyes looking unblinkingly at what he could only describe a mess. He was careful, only touching Yuu's anatomy for brief moments to send pings of magic through the flesh to search for opened wounds. But other than the blood he couldn't find anything that would call for concern. Leaning back he sighed, bringing the back of his hand to rub at his eyes, “By the Seven, this is a mess…”

“Wow, Lilia. I'm so happy you're here to stare into my abyss and call it a fucking mess.” Yuu glared, hoping their voice carried just how annoyed they were, “Really, I'm so glad.”

“My apologies, Beastie. I just haven't seen a vagina in this bloody a state since Sebek was born…”

Sebek half turned around, expression vaguely disgusted and horrified, “What?”

Yuu snorts, shaking Sebek’s hand still holding theirs in a way of gaining his attention, “Wow, Sebek, way to wreck your mom’s pussy.”

Sebek retaliated, using their still joined hands to twist and force Yuu’s arm into a painful bend. Yuu had quickly tried to escape his hold, both by wiggling their trapped arm and also using their free hand to slap at Sebek’s face while making repeated yelps of pain. Sebek had managed to dodge only a few hits until a bolt of lightning hit just outside, the flash sending the room into a blinding state before the light faded. Malleus glared down at Sebek, silently demanding the half-fae release his fiance.

Once freed, Yuu instantly pointed toward Sebek while looking at Lilia with wide eyes. Their tone coming out vaguely whining and childish, “He twisted my arm!”

Sputtering, Sebek looked between Yuu and Lilia. Pointing back at her while he looked at Lila pleading that he hears him out, “She talked about my mother’s vagina!”

“...” Lilia sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before speaking, “Sebek, don’t twist Yuu’s arm; she’s already in pain. Yuu, don’t talk about Sebek’s mother’s vagina; you know he doesn’t like that.”

“Did that hurt to say?” Silver looked at his father, half joking but delivered in such a painfully serious way that Lilia could only sigh harder.

Malleus’s expression only grew more concerned, arms wrapping tighter around Yuu and allowing his palms to heat a bit more. He only relaxed as Yuu themselves eased a bit more in his hold, “Yuu, please. Tell me what is causing this, If not for your own sake, but my own, I need to know. I have never been more distressed and on edge than these past few days. It isn't helpful either that you continue to be nonchalant, I dare say you've hurt my feelings with how you've been handling this…

“...” Yuu takes their time to pull their pajama pants back up, moving to sit up fully to look at Malleus directly, “Malleus, you're completely valid for feeling upset with me about all of this. In hindsight, I really should have just told you guys instead of disregarding Crewel’s attempts to keep this on the downlow for the sake of campus sanity. I fucked up, I will take that L. But I want you to know and consider that I have been in pain, tired, sad, and enraged both consistently and erratically for days. Do you really think the correct choice right now is to complain to me…about how my period…is making you feel?”

…

Malleus blinked, eyes darting to Lilia who only shook his head at Malleus's silent question. He looked down, then back to Yuu who was staring at him silently, almost waiting for him to answer incorrectly, “...I would still like to discuss this at a later date…when you are well again.”

“I'll make sure to set a meeting up with Azul, so that we both remember. Thank you for understanding…” Yuu's mood does a 180, now smiling and trying to stand from Malleus's arms, “Anyway, it's like noon now right? I know I have a bunch of stale tortillas and shredded cheese in the kitchen so we can make quesadillas-”

Malleus refused to remove his arms from around Yuu, basically pulling the human back into his lap, “I would like to speak about why you're dodging my question though.”

Yuu hummed, looking up to Malleus's face as they slowly twisted a strand of their hair, “...What are you talking about?”

“You are…well aware of what I've been asking you.”

“I'm really not.”

“Yuu-”

“You're sounding crazy right now.”

Malleus scoffs, rolling his eyes playfully, “Don't attempt to gaslight me. I keep asking you what caused this ailment or how I can ease this plague and you…don't answer me.” Malleus narrows his eyes, arms wrapping tighter against Yuu's body when they subtly tried to move away from him again, “Do you simply wish to…not tell me?”

“...” Yuu sighed, resting their head against Malleus’s shoulder. They smile, looking up into his eyes with a soft affection, “You know I love you right?”

“Your feminine wiles aren't getting you out of this. Answer my question.”

Silver speaks up, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “Malleus, they may not have an answer as to what caused it…”

Sebek grunts from Yuu's side, eyes casting a worried look back to the other freshman's covered anatomy, “If they don't know what caused it then that's even more concerning. This could be a serious medical emergency and we're all twiddling our thumbs because the one who's ill says they're fine.”

“I am fine. I just…don't wanna say why this happens…”

Lilia perks up, raising an eyebrow as he rests his chin on Yuu's now pressed together knees, “So this illness is triggered?”

“Yes? No?” Yuu huffs, raising their hands in a form of defeat, “It just happens man. But like…for a reason.”

Malleus frowned, almost pouting as he gently moved Yuu's chin to make them look directly into his eyes, “Yuu. My dear. I'm deeply concerned. Please, just tell me what causes this so we may prevent it…”

“...” Yuu sighs, closing their eyes before opening them, “...This happens when I don't get pregnant.”

…

Silver fully turns to Yuu, eyes focusing on the other human as though he could physically see through what he begged was a lie, “Are…Are you serious?”

“Like the fucking heart attack that will take Sebek out one day.”

“Hey-”

“Oh!” Malleus smiles, his eyes shining to the point Yuu was certain they were glowing, “This is easily fixed then.”

Yuu continued to smile, shaking their head knowing what the dragonfae was going to suggest, “...Malleus…”

“I simply need to impregnate you. Then you won't be affected by this plague again.”

“...” Yuu sighed, “No…”

“...” Malleus's expression falls back into an angered pout, “Why not?”

“It doesn't work that way…”

“...” His expression deepens, “How does it not ‘work that way’ exactly?”

Lilia patted Yuu's leg, flicking his head toward the entryway of the lounge as a silent command to Sebek and Silver, “We're gonna go…”

Yuu turned away from Malleus, blinking at Lilia in astonishment as the fae and other Diasomnia pair stand up, “Now why the fuck would you do that?”

Silver was kind enough to scoop Grim into his arms, the dire beast still shivering from the sudden scent of blood, “We’ve come to an agreement that we’d leave the room when you two start fighting.”

“We aren’t even fighting…” Yuu muttered under their breath, making a point to not look toward Malleus’s upset face. They’re pretty sure they’d start giggling at how frustrated he’s being about this.

Sebek shakes his head, already walking out of the room, “You become incredibly uncivil to everyone when you and Waka-Sama have disagreements. Lilia-Sama is right in having us leave the area before you two really start…”

“We aren’t fighting?”

“We’re fighting a little…” Malleus mutters under his breath, glaring off to the side.

Yuu glares over their shoulder, “No, we aren’t.”

Lilia walked behind Silver, holding his hands up as they left the room, “We’re gonna go. We'll make you two those quesadillas!” He ignored Yuu’s wide eyed stare, closing the doors of the lounge behind him and leaving Yuu and Malleus alone in the room.

The silence was loud, the two of them sitting comfortably in the nest. After a few more moments of quiet, Yuu sighs loudly, tucking their head to Malleus's chest and nuzzling into him gently.

Malleus sighs himself, leaning down to press a kiss to the crown of Yuu's head, “My love…please. You're hurting and I don't understand why you won't let me help in the best way I can…”

“Because it wouldn't actually help, Malleus.” They felt bad. It hadn't really hit them just how out of the realm of reality their period was to everyone. Sure the event itself could be scary in their old world, the amount of first period horror stories only grew as the years went on. But to have no frame of reference… the concept of a period sounded downright terrifying.

“How?” Malleus huffed, an air of frustration growing. Were they joking around? Deliberately speaking in circles to annoy him as a tease? “You said this happens if you don't get pregnant. If you get pregnant, then you will not have to deal with this ailment.”

At Yuu's own frustrated sigh, Malleus's eyes widen, “Is…is it too late?” A feeling of guilt starts to grow in him. Were they meant to be impregnated at a specific time? Had a window of opportunity been missed? Was this the rest of Yuu's life now; bleeding out of their intimates and crying so hard they were forced to purge?

Yuu couldn't help but chuckle at Malleus's face, reaching up to bring the worried fae closer for a gentle kiss. They speak as they pull away, “Calm down. This isn't going to last forever and I'll be back to normal by the end of the week at worst.”

Malleus curls around them, his hand still a gentle heat on their lower stomach, “But why wouldn't we simply skip this and just…start our agreement now? If the trigger for this ailment is that you weren't impregnated, why can't we have our child now so that you won't have to suffer this way.”

“I'll be honest with you, Malleus. It's literally because I don't wanna be a teen mom; that's the main reason. But also…there's no guarantee my period would stop during a pregnancy. Plus it'll still come back like a few months after having the baby…”

“...” Malleus pulls away from Yuu, staring at them in a silent state of confusion but his eyes were screaming, “Why…would you get the period…if you're pregnant? Isn't that…you stated you get your period if you don't get pregnant?”

“That is correct, yes.”

“...But…you could also…get your period…if you are pregnant?”

“Ye…”

“...”

Another long stretch of silence passed in the room and Yuu felt as though they could physically see the gears turning in Malleus's head. Double checking the math one would say.

“...Then what's the point of it?”

Yuu snickers under their breath, “Well, I don't think I'm knowledgeable enough to really give you the TED talk about the Tree of Knowledge and the original sin…”

“...” Malleus placed a hand on their forehead, “Are you…have you gained a fever? Is delirium a symptom of your period?”

“I'm not crazy, shut up.” Yuu pushes Malleus's hand off of their face with a grin. Cozying back into his embrace, one of their hands resting on his pressed to their lower stomach, “Periods are weird and horrible and I do not have the answers you're seeking sadly.”

Malleus could only sigh, feeling a pit growing in his mind and heart as he felt his uselessness to his love in this situation, “Is there anything you'll allow me to do? I only wish to help you during this…”

Yuu hums, reaching up to gently cupping Malleus's cheek, “This is plenty. Just…hold me and tell me you love me…”

“I love you, dear.” Malleus smiles, soft and kind as he nuzzled into Yuu's palm, “Though I'm loathed and disconcerted, I'm delighted to know I can at least help in this way…”

“I am too. You surprisingly make a great heating pad.”

Malleus moves to remove his hand, “Oh, is my hand too warm-”

Yuu quickly grips at Malleus's hand, face still calm and content but their fingernails bite into the fae's skin, “If you take this hand off of my body I will rip your spine out of you through your asshole.”

“Ah…”

They sat in comfortable silence, Malleus only mildly terrified at the visual of his spine being removed from his body by force. Their serene atmosphere half ended by Lilia happily bursting into the room with a plate of slightly charred quesadillas.

“Lunch time~!” Lilia walked to the nest, kneeling down and holding out the least burnt tortilla to Yuu's face, “Pspspspspspsps.”

Yuu's eyes snap open, a wild smile on their face as Malleus chuckled and kept them locked in his arms, “Lilia Vanrouge, I will break the fucking bones in your ears. Did Cater tell you to do this!?”

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst wonderland #yuu oc #malleus x yuu #malleus x reader #mallyuu #twst malleus #malleus draconia #twst lilia #lilia vanrouge #twst silver #silver vanrouge #twst sebek #sebek zigvolt #sebek x silver

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msnanu · 4 months

Text

Libertine 09 | JJK

Libertines put value on physical pleasures, meaning those experienced through the senses.

❧ Series Masterlist ❧

⏤summary ❧ He has a reputation for being the most promiscuous man on campus, and you, well, you are basically him in women’s pants. It will be the very first time that Jungkook is faced with someone who is gonna make him question his feelings and actions.

⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 ❧ f*boy jungkook x f*girl female reader

⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 ❧ fluff, smut, angst, slow burn, teasing and lots of sexual tension.

⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ❧ mature language, NSFW🔞

❧ banner by: @dojakoo ❧

Suddenly you felt shy and flustered under his gaze, his deep voice, that low tone always made you feel things. Your heart hammered in your chest as you watched Jungkook leaning closer and closer to your face. The only thing in your mind right now is how stupidly handsome he is. How perfect that scar in his left cheek looks on him and how you could get lost in that galaxy he seems to own in his eyes.

Anyone that would pass by your side would definitely sense the lust, the yearning and the tension between the two of you. It was as if there was some kind of invisible string always pulling you closer to each other.

“That depends. If I let you in, would you fuck me properly?”

Jungkook’s eyebrows shot up, taken aback. He should be used to your sincerity by now, but you still somehow manage to surprise him every single time. He ruffled his hair, heat rising up his neck and down his sweatpants. A dark look in his eyes that had lust written all over them.

“Haven’t I fucked you properly, Y/N? As I recall you were chanting my name over and over, both times.” He said as he ran his thumb over your lips.

You gasped and tried to maintain your composure. “You did. But you can do a lot better than that Jungkook. Don’t you think?”

Incredulous and thinking he hadn’t heard right; his eyes went wide again. You were challenging him. The wheels in his head seemed to have suddenly start to turn as he assimilated your words.

In a whisper-soft voice he continued “You really seem to enjoy provoking me.” Jungkook gave you his smuggest smile, which hit you square in the belly, sending butterflies fluttering in your lower regions and shooting tingly feelings straight between your legs.

Oh, you really want for him to fuck you so bad.

“I really do,” You stated, thrusting out your chin boldly, a tiny smile playing around your lips.

Your heart’s drum rolled a nervous beat, you felt your pulse quicken and that overwhelming brutal tingling returned with force.

Jungkook appeared to have noticed. He noticed all day how affected you were by his touch or even his words and it made every part of your constant teasing even more enjoyable. He watched you, his gaze sweeping up along your throat, lingering on your lips for an endless second, before he licked his own, tucking the bottom one, issuing a soft growl. He gave you another hungry smile that reached his eyes.

“Well, you might not be able to walk afterwards but with you I’m always down for it, baby.” Then he winked at you.

Rolling your eyes at him and laughing at his cockiness, you turned around and finally opened the door to your apartment leading your way in.

Jungkook was pleasantly surprised at the tidiness of the space. He recalled that once you’ve said that you had a roommate and living with someone else can be a little bit messy sometimes, especially when you are going through college, and you don’t have that much time to clean up. You seemed to have a large space in your two-bedroom apartment, not as big as his own but it had a nice homey vibe.

“Seems like your roommate isn’t here. Much better, we can be as loud as we want” Jungkook began as he inspected your living room.

You met his eyes, he had that look, that lust in his eyes, you could sense how much he wanted to have you right now and there, and you could also feel heat rising to your cheeks now.

“Y-yeah,” you stammered suddenly nervous again.

What the hell is he doing with you? Since when do you get nervous? Stop stammering!

Jungkook was enjoying seeing how flustered you were. What a show.

“Awww, look at you being so cute, blushing.” He stepped closer, reached out to tuck a lock behind you ear.

He then started caressing your face. You didn’t even flinch, but he could see you gulp as you said almost in a whisper, “I’m not blushing.”

Always so stubborn.

“Yes, you are, Y/N.”

He couldn’t keep up with his dominant act for too long because fucking hell, those eyes of yours made him weak. His fingers stroked the sensitive skin just below your ear lobe, where your pulse point throbbed, and you closed your eyes involuntarily. You were truly beautiful.

Your skin flawless, soft and warm, your lips perfectly shaped. Your hair amazing as always, tumbling down your back. Jungkook felt like he was the luckiest man alive at that moment.

Today you’d decided not to wear any make up. Jungkook had no idea he’d find the lack of it so attractive. It made him want to touch every inch of you, feel all of your bareness beneath his fingertips. He felt his cock stir and grow hard and fast; you were making him lose all control of himself without even touching him.

Your eyes fluttered open when you felt his thumb slightly stroking the very edge of your bottom lip, the skin so sensitive there it sent shivers down your spine. Your eyes were locked.

He reached out and with both hands simultaneously touched the soft skin of your shoulders, drank you in, slid his hands over the thin straps that held up your top, his fingers gently moving along your collarbones to meet at the notch. His eyes were feasting on you, every inch he inspected.

His gaze locked on your lips that had slightly parted, clearly begging to be kissed. Holy shit, Jungkook thought. This was a whole other level of exciting. His cock twitched. He swallowed hard once again. What had he gotten himself into? His heart hammered in his chest; his dick was throbbing in his sweatpants imploring him for release. His mind was completely blown as if it were his first time fucking you.

Slowly, trying to hide the trembling of his fingers, he began moving down to your breasts. He wanted to see them again so badly that he wanted to tear off that damn top. Easy, Jungkook, he warned himself.

His hands cupped your firm roundness. A small whimper slipped your lips, then you moaned as he pinched your nipples, hard and pointy, wanting to be freed and played with. He rolled them between his fingers through the fabric, sucked in a breath and groaned.

As your eyes met again, your head was spinning. You couldn’t wait for this hunk of a man to fuck your brains out. Tall and lean, though muscular, and strong. Those lips… they were really doing things with your mind. His bottom lip, plump and so very kissable. You could hardly contain yourself. Your heart hammered in your throat. Sparring was over.

Desperately you surged towards him, throwing your arms around his neck, pushing your hands into his hair, pulling him into you. Jungkook groaned and received you gladly, his hands moving immediately down your back grabbing onto your perfectly round butt, pushing you into him, while the other hand securely held your neck as your lips clashed and your tongues found each other, moans rising and falling.

That damn top needed to go too. He needed to see again and again what had felt so good. He slid his hands up your waist and ribcage and under that flimsy little crop top, pulled it off you, your hair releasing more of that intoxicating scent he’d noticed since he met you for the first time.

You smelled of sun kissed lavender with underlying hints of lemon, so exotic and like nothing he was used to. He needed more of this. He couldn’t believe how fucking needy he was for you. For your scent, for your lips, for your pure skin.

Breathing hard Jungkook tenderly dropped his forehead to yours, watching how your chest rose and fell, your perfect boobs finally his to take in. His pulse racing uncontrollably, his hands quivering once again as he reached to touch and massage those firm round, luscious breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers. You mewled and panted harder again, bringing your lips to his.

You were riling him up like no one before. You tasted so good, and those tiny noises you made as he roamed with his tongue all over your mouth were driving him fucking nuts. He never ever wanted to let go. Your sneaky hand moved to cup his erection, which had been so deliciously bulging and the ridge clearly visible in his sweats.

“Fuck,” he breathed as your lips pushed and pulled, your tongues playing and teasing. “Yeah, keep doing that, baby. Make it thick and hard…” He kept kissing you, moaning in between as you continued to rub his cock that was begging for release.

You smiled into his lips. “I wanna suck you off so bad.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah… You’ve got a nice big cock, Jungkook” You whispered, rubbing him harder, pecking kisses on his lips and Jungkook groaned. “I’ve been thinking about sucking you off all day long.”

“I can see that…” Jungkook panted, pushing his hand down your back into your small clothes once more, squeezing your butt. “You like a nice big cock like mine to fill you up?”

“I-I do” you whimpered.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“What else do you want, baby? Tell me”

You wrapped your arms around his neck again, pushing yourself into him, feeling his rock-hard erection pressing into your belly.

“I want your tongue all over my cunt…” You said between lusty kisses. “I’m interested in that, too.”

“Are you now?” Jungkook smiled, returning your kiss eagerly. “You want my tongue to lick you?”

“Yes…Fuck” You moaned. “Yes, I do.”

“Lick you until you cum on my tongue?”

Your breath hitched. “Yes, please”

“Good. I’ll make sure that you cum on my tongue today, baby.”

At this point you couldn’t stop kissing each other until you pulled back a little and caught his gaze; your lips were moist, dark pink, slightly parted and swollen from his delicious abuse, you gently bit your bottom lip, gave him a mischievous grin while you took off his shirt, ranking your hands all over his abs and then winked at him while you slowly slid down his body. You squadded down to his cock’s level, looked up seductively and wet your lips.

Jungkook sucked in a breath and an “Oh shit!” escaped him.

With a deep moan you slowly pulled down his sweatpants and whispered a satisfying “Fuck yes”

Stunned by your eagerness, by your obvious hunger and thirst for him, his hands flew up to the back of your head. He looked down and watched in amazement, as you took him into your hands and stroked his shaft with a tight grip; sizing him up, circling your thumb over and around the sensitive skin of his beautiful head, then smacked your lips and greedily licked the drop of precum off the tip and then finally, after what seemed an eternity of torture to Jungkook, put him in your mouth.

The moist heat surrounding his dick made his breath catch and he grunted as his hands pushed into your hair as you took him deep, nearly to the root but not completely because he was too deliciously big, you went back and forth, licking, sucking, feeding off him. Satiating your hunger for that perfect cock. He tightly gripped your hair as you moved, while his hips went along fluidly with your rhythm, savoring the tightness of your throat.

Jungkook's moans rose making you more wet by the minute, he sounded hot as fuck. He threw his head back and closed his eyes for a second. He could hardly believe what was happening to him. Fucking hell, you were sucking him off like no one else had ever done it, and what a damn joy it was to watch you while doing it too. Holy shit!

His hands holding your hair in a ponytail, his hips thrusting in sync with you, your hand grabbing his thigh so tightly, the other between his legs on his tight ass, pushing him more of him into your mouth even though you couldn’t fit anymore of his cock. You were a moaning mess with his cock filling your mouth, and the vibrations of your moans were making him stupid. He was close to cum already.

Fuck! No. No… he couldn’t allow you to do that. Not today at least. Though he wanted to. Fuck, how he wanted you to. Take his cum in your beautiful mouth, swallow it. Swallow all of his creamy seed as it would squirt down your throat, drink him up… he groaned.

Reluctantly and with the greatest of efforts, costing him all his will power, he slowed his thrusts. “Baby” he soothed, “Y/N…” and eased out of your glorious mouth.

What a fucking shame, he thought, as he stepped back trying to catch his breath. Such a fucking shame.

But you’d asked to be fucked properly. By him. Pride swelling in his chest once more as he pulled you up and into a sloppy kiss, tasting himself on you and relishing it.

Yes, he was going to give you what you’d asked for. He was a man of his word after all. Not that he’d promised anything… But he was eager as if it was his first time with you, as if it he was going to learn what your clit tasted like, what your pussy felt like.

You quickly pushed your shorts and underwear down and kicked them away. Jungkook’s sanity went out of the window as you, shamelessly naked in front of him, breathed and almost sounding like a plea finally said, “Fuck me, Jungkook.”

You turned back walking towards your bedroom as Jungkook followed you behind and planted kisses all over your shoulder and neck.

As you approached your bed you made him look at your eyes while saying “I need you… to fuck me, now.”

Well, fuck, Jungkook thought. That’d also never happened before with other girls. You literally ordered him. And he fucking loved it! Sure, he enjoyed sex with the others, they got him off well enough. But this here was an altogether different experience.

The others never voiced their needs or wants. They let him take what he needed and allocated what he thought they’d like. It never felt equal. Satisfying, yes. Equal, no. And you being so bossy was making his cock twitch.

“Yes, ma’am!” Jungkook did a mock salute and you both started giggling like idiots.

You swiftly closed the distance between you two and push him into your bed while he also pulled you on top of him. You shrieked but quickly recovered, pushing up onto your hands, straddling him.

“Wait! Condom?”

Jungkook hadn’t even realized that he was about to fuck you raw until you voiced it out.

“Fuck. I didn’t bring any here with me.”

He saw you hesitate for a second before you spoke again.

“Well, I'm on the pills and I'm clean. Are you?”

“Yeah, I'm clean too.”

“Okay, then fuck me already.”

Jungkook had never seen anything more beautiful than this gorgeous bundle of enthusiasm, confidence and lust sitting on top of him, now lifting your bum to reposition yourself. Your hair brushing your nipples, perfect little rose-colored buds they were, standing stiffly to attention; your lips slightly parted with small noises issuing. He could feel your heat and wetness on his lower belly.

You were so wet for him, so ready to take what you asked for. It made his heart hammer even harder in anticipation thinking that he was gonna finally fuck you raw and he felt his cock twitch as you shifted backwards, looked down and reached between your legs to guide him in.

Jungkook watched with growing need, needing to shove himself deep into your slick warmth, his patience dwindling, his breaths growing ragged.

“Put it in,” he huffed and shimmied towards your opening.

A fit of giggles came out of your menacing mouth. You were such a tease.

“You want this, don’t you Jungkook?” You freaking smiled, then touched his tip with your wetness and shrieked in surprise as Jungkook immediately thrust his hips up.

“Fucking yes!” Jungkook snarled, his hands grabbing your hips pushing you into him and you throwing your head back taking his rams willingly, needily, your boobs bouncing as he kept pounding upwards into you.

Moaning loudly, you let him take the lead, rigidly kneeling above him to take his assault on your sex, soaking up the pleasure he was giving you like water on hot desert rocks. You loved that feeling of his cock sliding in and out of you, couldn’t get enough of him hitting you so perfectly, finding that spot that would grant you that much needed climax.

You could feel it build up, needing to chase that tingly feeling deep inside. You lowered yourself down onto him, feeling him deep within you and began moving your hips frantically, back and forth, pushing your clit into his lubricious groin, rubbing yourself against him with such need, that it only took you a few seconds to be so close you thought you were about to burst. Your breaths grew ragged and high-pitched as you chased to catch your release.

Jungkook could feel your muscles tense, clenching around him, “Come on baby, cum for me,” he panted. “Cum on my dick”

His hands on your hips, he helped slide you against him, watching your sex move against his, urging you on, then your breath caught, your lean body shuddering, falling apart in his hands, whimpering and slowing your moves, pushing hard onto him, trying desperately to prolong the exquisite feeling between your legs.

“Good girl, Y/N,” Jungkook whispered as his hands moved behind you, held your bum and quickly flipped you onto your back.

You again screamed in surprise, but happily received this new position, his hands all over you now, his lips kissing every inch of your bare skin, ravenously moaning, whispering tiny curses, biting, nibbling, pinching your nipples and massaging your breast until you writhed underneath him, then finding his way up to your earlobe, breathing “There’s more where that came from.”

“Yes, please, yes. Keep fucking me,” you wailed and tilted your hips up, trying to find his cock once more.

“Fuck. I love how you’re always so wet for me, Y/N” he groaned, reached for himself between your legs, slid the bulging head carefully up and down your juicy dripping pussy, then eased in and let you have it. He rose to his knees, his hand around the base of your throat, his thrusts hard and fast, panting, sweat dripping on his tight abs.

Your heart hammered a most delicious beat, loving every second of it. This was exactly what you had asked for, what you had wanted, needed. Jungkook seemed to know all your spots and tended to them expertly.

Here now, in this moment with him, you didn’t even care that your walls were thin as hell and your neighbors might hear you, as a matter of fact, you relished in it.

Jungkook felt your tightness close in on him, he wouldn’t last much longer. Your pussy being so seductively sweet and juicy, your vigor so alluring, threatening to take him sooner than he liked. He wanted this to last for so much longer. Especially now that you were pulling him down to him, your lips finding his again, pushing and pulling, breathing life into him.

Then suddenly you gasped, your legs spreading even further for him, pushing yourself against him, he knew you were going to cum again.

His heart skipped a beat, this was his chance. He had wanted you to cum on his tongue, he had promised you that. So, he slowed, pulled out, leaving you exasperated “No! Don’t stop!!”

But he got to his knees in front of your bed, pulled you to the edge, buried his face in your pussy and you shrieked once again in surprise.

“Oh fuck!” you moaned, and your hands grabbed his hair, pushing him into you as he lapped your mingled moisture on your folds, pushed his tongue into the hot opening of your pussy, then circled your clit, lapped at it like a cat greedy for the last drop of milk.

“Yes, Jungkook! Oh, fuck yes!!!” You shrieked as your shoulder lifted off the mattress, your abs crunching, pushing his face hard into you.

“Jungkook!!” you panted as you shattered beneath his tongue, throbbing, climaxing hard and your legs quivering; Jungkook’s heart gave a fantastic start at you calling out his name so very loudly for everyone to hear. He could cum just by hearing you moaning his name.

As soon as you relaxed your grip on his hair, he flipped you over once more, forcefully pushed your legs apart with his knees, then grabbed your wrists and brought them together behind your back, restraining you.

Holding your wrists with one hand, while the other held a firm grip on your shoulder, Jungkook fucked you hard and within a few thrusts, he felt his own release edging closer. While you cried and moaned with pleasure, Jungkook’s insights turned to fire, pooling at the base of his cock, bubbling underneath the surface to be soon released.

Growing pressure built in his groin, he would burst. Tightness grabbed his hips as he thrusted, sliding in and out, you compressing around him so deliciously, hot and slick. He groaned, the pressure consuming his crotch as he grounded into you deep, so very deep, your mewls music to his ears.

It was building again, you could feel the flame of desire in your belly creeping up your spin, lighting your skin on fire as it went, stealing the breath from your lungs. His cockhead was battering against your g-spot, causing the corners of your vision to go white. Jungkook had been close to cum for a while now, but he needed to make you come undone in a particular manner before he could truly be satisfied with himself.

No man had ever fucked you like this before. The pleasure you were feeling was extreme.

It felt like a star exploding inside you when it started. There was a warmth deep in your bones, spreading out through every vein of your body and fluttering up through your skin. Your cunt spasmed around him, gripping him so tight his hips slowed so that he could savor every ridge of your cunt and commit it to memory.

He gave you two more solid strokes to your sweet spot before stilling completely, he lifted his hips as he settled himself in you, knocking his cock head into your g-spot and keeping it there. With that you were crying out as you begin to gush around his cock, squirting all over it. Slick spurted forth and coated the hairs growing at the base of his cock, mixing with the sweat already dripping down his body.

Seeing you squirting all over his cock was the final straw that broke the camel’s back.

Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut. He tightened his grip on your wrists and shoulder to keep you from moving away, so he could push all of himself into you, every last inch buried deep in your glorious pussy. He felt his cock grow to its ultimate size and with one more thrust he exploded into you with raging force; he leaned forward, growling with every squirt, pushed into you tightly, held on for dear life, every muscle tense, his teeth biting down on the perfectly sweet and salty skin of your shoulder blade.

He shuddered and as the last wave of orgasmic rivulets ebbed away, Jungkook loosened his hold of your wrists. You moved your arms to the front to push yourself up on them and looked over your shoulder to watch him. Spent, he relaxed his bite on you, his forehead still between your shoulder blades, kissing your moist skin as he tried to slow his breathing.

“Fuck. That was so...” You managed to say, fluffing your hair a moment later, as he pulled out.

You couldn’t even finish your phrase, but Jungkook knew exactly what you were thinking. Amazing.

“Yeah, I know, it really was.” He said trying to catch some air.

Both of your thighs were trembling, finally giving in to fatigue as you collapsed into one another. Once you did, Jungkook didn’t waste any time kissing your lips once again, as if his life depended on it.

He was fucking enchanted with you. Every time you had sex, every time you talked, every time he saw you, he’d end up with overwhelming feelings that flooded his mind, confusing him more and more. He blew away those thoughts this time, trying to enjoy the moment, trying to enjoy having you in his arms.

Limbs entwined; you laid there for a while. A whine leaked out when your lips finally parted making him smile, but you were grateful to be able to breathe more freely. Jungkook kept pressing kisses along the curve of your neck in between breathes.

It would be best to stretch out your muscles after such strenuous activities, but you’re not ready to move just yet.

“We should take a shower.”

“Mmhmm”

The mumbling coming out of Jungkook who had his face against the crook of your neck made you giggle. “Are you falling sleep, Jungkook?”

“Just a little nap, please.”

“Okay, a few minutes of nap and we’ll shower afterwards.”

Truth to be told, you wanted to take a nap too. You were almost certain that your legs didn’t work anymore, and your eyes were begging to have some rest. It didn’t take more than a minute before you both were peacefully asleep.

A few minutes turned into hours of sleeping holding each other. You were the first one to open your eyes and you couldn’t help to smile seeing Jungkook by your side with his arm around your waist, holding you as if you were going to escape or something. He had the cutest pout in his mouth as he slept safe and sound. That really made you want to kiss the fuck out of him.

Wait. Since when you think Jungkook is cute? - you thought before Jungkook’s low voice woke you up of your overthinking trance.

“Are you one of those creepy people that like to watch others sleep?”

You giggled.

“No, it’s just that you looked too innocent and peaceful. Nothing like the real Jungkook”

“Screw you” he said laughing as he rubbed his eyes and stretched himself in bed.

“Well, already did that earlier.”

“Oh yes I did, and we can repeat that now that I’m fully recharged.” He smiled as he started kissing your neck slowly. It was incredible how a few kisses were enough to start a fire between your legs. He was addictive.

“J-Jungkook.” You pleaded with a shaky voice, and you don’t know where you got the strength, but you stopped him as he whined like a baby. “C-come on, we should take a shower and I should change these sheets too. We’re both sticky.”

“Okay, but I don’t have any clothes to wear.” He said as he sat against your bed frame. “Oh! Unless you want me to be naked, I don’t mind.” He joked and winked at you.

Rolling your eyes at him and trying to avoid taking one minimal look at his sculpted body, -because you knew you were going to lose it - you stated, “I might actually have something in my closet for you to wear.”

“Don’t tell me it’s one of your ex’s clothes.”

Scrunching your nose as if he’d said the most disgusting thing in the world. “God, no. It’s my best friends clothes, he stayed here a few weeks last summer because he was renovating his apartment and left some clothes behind. I always forget to give it back to him.”

“Best friend, huh?” He lifted your face, making you look him straight to those beautiful doe eyes. God, how difficult it was to be around him. He was making you feel things in your tummy and a little more south too.

You tried to maintain your composure without showing any reaction as you explained how you met Hobi.

“Yes, Hobi and I…we met through Jihyo, they share the same classes and we’ve been buddies for years.”

“And have you ever two….?” Jungkook asked, seeing you smiling.

Is he jealous of Hobi? He cannot be real. This was beyond funny for you.

“Had sex? No, never. He is like a brother to me; we don’t see each other that way.”

He must be blind- or gay-, Jungkook thought. Is not possible to be around you and not seeing you in that way. You’re mesmerizing. He didn’t know why but he felt relief when you said that you didn’t sleep with your best friend.

“Good.”

“Good?” That took a proper laugh of you. “Okay mister, enough with the interrogation, I really need to clean myself.”

He groaned as he watched you getting up while putting a silk robe you had on the side of your bed and went straight to your bathroom.

You’d turned on the shower as he followed you in, and let the hot water run over your bodies for a few minutes as both of you cleaned up each other.

Being right next to Jungkook when he is all wet, naked and cleaning himself is not good for your health. You were already losing it when you were in bed earlier, you wanted to kiss him and ride him until you couldn’t move anymore.

You definitely didn’t have any more strength to hold on when you finished cleaning your body and shoved Jungkook against the shower wall as he gave you a smirk and stepped in, letting him encircle you with his arms, feeling his hands drop to your butt.

You moaned as he squeezed, going a bit rough, but as close as you were, you could feel his dick squashed in between you two, twitching against your lower belly.

You were insatiable, you couldn’t get enough of him, and the good thing was that he felt exactly the same about you.

Jungkook kissed you, pressing his mouth against yours, slipping his tongue into your mouth, where it danced with yours, and his hands continued to massage your ass. Then you pulled away.

You grinned and dropped to your knees, and you wrapped both of your hands around his cock in front of you. Jungkook moaned loudly, closing his eyes and leaning back, when he felt your hands disappear, and then a warm, wet sensation as you slid his cock into your mouth.

You took as much as you could into your mouth, letting your tongue roll around it, before you started to bob your head back and forward. Jungkook let his hands entwine through your hair as you sucked hard.

He felt your hands come back up, one reaching around to grab his ass, while the other massaged his balls. Jungkook looked down and saw your eyes staring up at his face as you let his dick go with a loud pop.

You smirked up at him and gave the tip of his dick a little kiss before standing up.

This must be heaven, he thought.

"My turn," you said in a sultry voice, putting your hands on Jungkook's shoulders and swapping places with him so that you could be now the one leaning against the wall.

Jungkook smirked and kissed your mouth again, pushing you harder against the wall. He then let one of his hands slide slowly down your body until reaching your pussy. You shuddered and spread your legs as Jungkook's fingers rubbed against you, alternating between the clit and teasing at the entrance.

Just as his middle finger slipped inside, his tongue also pressed into your mouth. Your tongues fought each other, until Jungkook surprised you by putting in another finger.

You gasped into his mouth, and he pulled away with a smirk. Your hands, which had been against the wall, came down to Jungkook's hair, and pushed him down. Jungkook laughed a bit and let you push him to your boobs.

He kissed in between them first, going down the middle, before slowly moving kisses towards a side. He kissed slowly and circled the stiff nipple that you had tried to push his head towards, but the teasing, and the hand between your legs, meant that you didn't put too much effort into it.

Jungkook's head then pulled away, and you growled at him, before he went for the other side, going straight for the nipple. You gasped again as Jungkook sucked hard, letting it slide from his mouth, before rolling his tongue around it. He bit gently, just grazing his teeth against it, making you squirm a bit more.

He let your breasts go, and started to trail kisses even further downward, down your chest, then dropping to his knees, and across your belly, before arriving at your folds. You spread your legs a bit more for him and looked down to watch his tongue press against your clit.

You closed your eyes at the pleasure, leaning back as he had done, and let him kiss and suck at your clit.

“Fuck. You’re so so good.”

“Yeah, baby? Show me how good, be a good girl and cum all over my tongue.”

Fucking hell. He was going to kill you and your pussy with his dirty talk.

Jungkook pulled his fingers out of your pussy and let his tongue push inside you. It didn't go in much, but you did feel the pressure, and squeezed his hair.

Jungkook continued to lick, and you felt yourself going closer and closer to your orgasm. Then he sucked at your clit, and thrusted three fingers inside you, curling them upwards, and you lost it. He took out of you the most pornographic moan, your fingers pulled at his hair, and your thighs almost clamped together as you let your body win.

When it died down, you let your thighs unclench, and Jungkook pulled his fingers and tongue away. He stood up and kissed you slowly.

“It drives me insane how good you taste, Y/N.”

You looked at him in awe and grabbed his face kissing him harder, letting him feel what you wanted. You pulled your mouth away, kissing along his jaw, until you got to his ear.

"Fuck me," you whispered. Jungkook grinned, and you felt the shower water start pressing against your ass, letting you lean back a little more, and spread your legs much wider. Jungkook grabbed his dick and rubbed the tip of it against your folds for a second before pushing it in. You both sighed in pleasure as his entire length filled you up.

He went slowly at first, letting your body adjust, but quickly began speeding up. You wrapped your legs and arms around him, pulling him deeper, and hoisting yourself up. Jungkook grunted and pressed your back against the wall as he fucked you. You let out moans and gasps and started to use your own body strength to go harder.

It didn't take long before you started to feel Jungkook's thrusts becoming more and more erratic. You moaned extra loud at the thought of being filled by his seeds again, and pulled your body harder against Jungkook's, pulling him in deeper.

You heard him gasp, and then felt his cum explode in you, felt the heat as Jungkook filled you up. He shuddered, and you let your legs drop. Jungkook's dick slipped out of you, and, with a quick kiss on his lips, you dropped down and once more returned your mouth to his cock taking him by surprise. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

You sucked and licked him up until his cock was clean extending even more his orgasm as you felt his cock twitching in your mouth, and he kept mumbling curses and gasping for air. When you finished you stood up again, showing him your tongue, proof that you swallowed it all.

You smirked seeing his big Bambi eyes widened in surprise and spoke "You know, it really drives me crazy how good you taste too.”

Jungkook was amazed, you were perfect, you were gorgeous. And you were there with him. "God. You’re so fucking hot, Y/N.”

You grinned throwing your arms around his neck as Jungkook's hands went around your ass and he smiled you back. "And who knew you could be so sexy while soaking wet, Jeon Jungkook.”

“No offense but don’t you have anything less colorful?” Jungkook said sitting on your bed wearing nothing, but a towel wrapped around his hips while observing the yellowish shirt that you pulled out from your closet. You had already changed into new fresh clothes.

“Um. No, sorry, Hobi really loves bright colors. He didn’t leave anything black or white here.” Clearly hinting at the colors that Jungkook usually likes to wear.

“It suits you though.” You say as you see Jungkook hesitating.

“You think?”

“I mean, with that face and that body you might as well use a clown’s outfit and you’ll still be the hottest guy I’ve ever seen.” You said without a filter.

He tilted his head, surprised to hear something like that coming from you as he smiled widely. “And here I was, thinking you were incapable of giving someone a compliment.”

“That's because you have a prejudiced mind.” You bit your lip laughing. “I can give a compliment anytime I want, sweetie. I just thoroughly choose who deserves to hear it.”

“So, that means you think I deserve to hear it?” He finally put the shirt on and came closer to where you were standing next to your closet with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Well, you’ve been a good boy today. You gave me a fair number of orgasms. I think this time you really deserve it.”

“I can give you more of those today.” He said as he put his arms around your waist and caressed your face. You automatically closed your eyes enjoying his touch.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Jeon Jungkook.”

As you opened your eyes again, you saw something in his eyes. Something that made your heart skip a beat. He was looking at you with such intensity, with a longing that even seemed like love. You felt nervous at the thought of it and quickly tried to brush away whatever you were feeling.

“W-we should eat something. I’m starving”

Not saying anything else, you freed yourself from his hold and turned to your kitchen to see if there was something left in your pantry that you could use to cook something for you both.

You heard Jungkook steps behind you. As you were looking something to cook, he sat in a stool next to your kitchen island.

“So, when is your roommate coming?” He asked with curiosity. Hours had passed by, and you were still all alone. Not that he didn’t enjoy it, not at all. In any case, it was better, you could enjoy yourselves without thinking about someone else being there.

“Oh yeah, about that, I'm living on my own now. My roommate moved out this past weekend.”

“Really? Did something happen between you two?”

“No, not at all. She was cool, but she already spent most of her time with her boyfriend and barely stayed here so she decided to move to his apartment. It made a lot more sense” You explained as you grabbed a box of Italian pasta from the pantry. “You like pasta? I can make some for us.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Later he slurped two plates of pasta as you watched him fondly and giggled, whoever heard the sounds coming out of him right now would think anything but he’s eating. “You always moan when you eat?”

“When it tastes this good, yes.” He simply said shrugging.

Afterwards he fought with you over who was going to wash the dishes – he wanted to do it, but you were refusing – PS: he won.

“You’re really good cooking” said Jungkook as he finished cleaning the dirty dishes.

You scoffed. “Why the tone of surprise? Didn’t think I was able to cook?”

Jungkook laughed along with you. He couldn’t stop thinking how much he was enjoying being here with you. Today he felt like this was the genuine Y/N. The one that just your close ones would be able to enjoy. A nice, beautiful and cool girl that could have the most enjoyable conversations.

You continued to talk for a while and then ended up watching TV in your sofa, both sprawled, your head laying in his chest as his arms surrounded your body. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spent this much time with the same girl and smiling at the same time. Maybe this never had happened him before.

Jungkook was slowly realizing that his dad was probably going to be waiting for him at his place, at least for a few more hours, just as he had said before when you left the restaurant with him. He really didn’t want to deal with his father again today.

After having such an amazing time with you, it didn’t feel right to go back to his home and listen the same old preach about being more serious with college, that his father was paying for. Jungkook wasn’t even studying something that he had choose to.

You lifted your head sensing that something was bothering him. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just that my father must be waiting for me at my place at least until night, and I really don’t want to deal with him today.”

You don’t blame him honestly; you wouldn’t want to go back to your home and deal with someone like his father either.

“Then don’t. You don’t have to deal with him today if you don’t feel like doing it.”

Seeing Jungkook’s face was enough to know that he was still overthinking about his father and how suffocating it was to even have a conversation with him.

“Let’s go.” You said as you got up and grabbed his hand.

That phrase of yours made him stop overthinking instantly as he furrowed his eyebrows. “Where?”

“To my spot.”

“I didn’t even know this place existed.” Jungkook said as he enjoyed the most beautiful view of the city. “I mean, I came to Namsan Tower a few times before, but I never knew about this garden right next to it.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I always come here when I need time to sort my thoughts. It’s always so quiet and you still have amazing views.” You said with a smile plastered on your face. You loved this place. Whenever you had too much in your mind, it will always bring peace to you.

A few seconds of silence followed your words. Both of you sitting on a rock, surrounded by the botanical garden watching the amazing lights of Seoul that brighten up the sky when you suddenly decided to break the silence.

“I’m sorry that I lied to you.” His eyebrows furrowing when you looked at him, he clearly didn’t know what you were talking about. And he was even more surprised that you were apologizing to him. “About my dad.” You sucked in breath and took a second before saying “I lied to your dad too, you know.”

Okay, now he was lost. You didn’t say to him that your dad was dead, but you did tell it to his father. What were you lying about then?

“My father is alive.” His eyes widened but not fully understanding where the hell are you going with this. You understood his confusion, so you continued to explain yourself.

“He left my mom when he found out she was pregnant with me. They were really young; they were dating while still in college. He said he didn’t want a child at that moment. My father’s family is a very wealthy family and being part of the high society, they had huge expectations for him. His son had to finish his studies, get married and then have children. It couldn’t be any other way; it would be a disgrace for them if it did.”

Jungkook was soon regretting the way he felt when he heard that your dad was dead, and that you choose not to tell him. He didn't think that the background story could be this deep.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He didn’t know what else to say. What do you say in this type of situations? You finally were opening up to him, and he had no words.

“Don’t be. It’s better off this way honestly.”

“Do you actually know who your dad is?”

“I do; yes.” You nodded as you kept your eyes in the sky above you. “My mom was always straight forward with me about it. She told me the truth about my dad when I was a kid, she never lied about who he was and what happened. But his family made her suffer a lot, they even offered her money to make sure she wouldn't contact them again. Of course, she didn’t accept it. Mom always told me that if I wanted to know anything about my dad, that I should just ask her. She made it very clear that she didn’t want for me to try to reconnect with him or his family.”

“But you did try.”

You nodded again. “Yes, years ago, right before moving to Seoul. I had the stupid hope that maybe after all these years my father would somehow regret his decisions back then.”

“What happened then?”

“I showed up at his office, said my name to his secretary, I knew he was gonna know who I was. He is the CEO of a big publicity company back home, it’s my grandfather’s company.”

Jungkook nodded as he listened attentively.

“He told me that if I ever showed up my face again there, he would find the way to sue me and my mom for harassment and make sure to take everything away from us. That he made very clear to my mother that he didn’t want anything to do with us.” You took a breath and almost chocked with your next words. “A-and that he even told her that he wanted her to abort. That last part was the only thing that my mom never told me. That's when I completely understood why she didn't want me to contact my father, she was just protecting me.”

And Jungkook thought his father was the worst. What a turn of events.

“That’s so fucked up, Y/N. How could someone be like that with his own daughter? What an asshole.”

You huffed. “Well, he doesn’t consider me as his daughter. Funny thing tho, when I went to see him, I saw a portrait on his desk of his real ‘family’. His wife and two kids. He has a daughter and a son.”

Jungkook felt so bad for you. How could it be possible for someone to reject his own blood? And just to maintain a certain social status. So fucked up.

“Listen, I’m not used to tell anyone about this because it’s just so fucking pathetic and embarrassing. Only Jihyo, Joy and Hobi and well, now you, know about it.” You said looking at him. The sadness in your eyes made Jungkook feel a lump in his throat.

“That’s why I lied to you and your dad. Every time someone asks me directly about my father, it’s always easier to say that he is dead. Which he is, at least for me. So, I’m sorry for lying to you about it.”

At this point, he just wanted to hug you and not letting you go. He now understood why you had always that defensive attitude. Not only your dad abandoned you and your mom, but he’d also threaten to sue you if you ever reached out to him again. The pain you must’ve felt was unimaginable.

He wrapped his arms around your shoulders pulling you closer to him as he planted a kiss in your forehead. “You don’t have to be sorry, it’s okay. And you shouldn’t be the one to feel embarrassed. The only one who’s pathetic and embarrassing is your father.”

“You’re right about that.” You said as you were resting your head in his shoulders with a little smile on your lips.

“Hey” He said softly as he looked at you. You turned your head up to look at him too. “If you ever need someone to talk, you know you can count on me Y/N.”

Your heart was pounding so hard. Your hand reached out to his face, caressing it with so much tenderness “I know. Same goes to you.”

He smiled at you and grabbed you by the chin connecting his lips against yours. He had never felt this close to anyone, ever.

Jungkook never was one to believe in silly things like karma. "What goes around comes around." Or destiny. If things like that were real, the world wouldn't be such a terrible place where bastard CEOs made billions and destroyed those beneath them then got to lounge by pools with billions of dollars.

He'd adopted a mindset of "don't hate the player, hate the game." He was never deliberately an asshole. Not once did he ever sweet talk a girl promising her a relationship and eternal love only to dump her as soon as he got laid.

Granted, some people may call him an asshole for getting women into bed then never talking to them again. But really, that wasn't his problem. If the girls wanted to get their feelings hurt over some dick, that was on them.

He didn't really believe in love.

At least, he hadn't before.

It was weird. Usually, he was ready to move on to the next woman as soon as he'd gotten laid, but Jungkook just wanted to see you again. Fuck you again. Pull you close underneath the sheets and enjoy the warmth that you radiated. Have you kiss his cheeks, his lips, his temples, his body.

He was so bad at feelings. Was it fear or was it pride? Was he ashamed of the fact he was scared of the new feelings he was experiencing? Either way, he didn’t know how to handle it. He didn’t want to admit that there was more to it than just the best fuck of his life.

Jungkook had been avoiding you for quite a while now; well, you hadn’t talk since he left you in your apartment that night after going to Namsan Tower. That was only two days ago, and he knew you were swamped with college stuff so maybe you didn’t even realize about his sudden lack of communication.

He wasn’t sure exactly why he was avoiding you; it wasn’t like you had done anything wrong, it was as if something was mentally blocking him after getting so close to you, it was too close for him. He wanted to go over to you and talk to you, tell you why he had been avoiding you but he couldn’t.

He spent these last few nights thinking and thinking before shutting off. He is not someone that could make people stay. Numerous girls had explicitly said that. The notion of ever finding love with his kind of personality? The possibility is probably zero.

It wasn’t complete rocket science that he held you in high remark, he admired you sure but love? He wasn’t fully sure; he was in denial. But how does someone even know they love someone?

Maybe he was spending too much time with you. Since you’ve started sleeping together, he unconsciously stopped sleeping with other girls. Maybe that was the issue, he needed to sleep with someone else and maybe all those intrusive thoughts would disappear.

Jungkook being Jungkook decided to deal with it the best way he knew how. He didn’t want to be an asshole, but he was about to be one.

It was easier to fuck another girl than deal with his feelings about you. So, he grabbed his phone and called the first one of the many girls that had sent him a message to hook up in these past few days.

Something felt wrong, but he did it anyways.

He needed to take you out of his mind for a while. Or at least he had to confirm if maybe these new feelings he was developing were just a product of you two spending too much time together.

What a fucking day. Your Philosophy essay didn’t go as expected. You had worked so hard and yet you failed.

"I'd like to talk to you after class, Ms.Y/L/N" Professor Baekhyun said to you as he slid your essay onto the table in front of you, you gulped seeing the big red F in the corner, the third one that month. All semester you've been failing his class getting more depressed with every sad glance he threw your way; every paper had that big red F in the corner, and you had just given up before he approached you.

You couldn’t even understand what was wrong with your essays at this point. You started to think the professor had some kind of grudge against you. Even if he didn’t have any reason to in the first place.

After class, you headed to his office steeling yourself for whatever he might say to you knowing it would be anything but good news. You stepped into the room seeing your professor sitting behind his desk, he gestured for you to sit in the seat in front of him.

"I'm guessing you know why you're here." You nodded gripping the hem of your skirt and looking down. You heard your professor sigh as he typed something on his computer.

"Well, the problem we have here is that you currently have a D- in my class and you need at least a D+ to pass, but I have some extra credit you could do for me." You looked up with hope in your eyes only to see your professor gazing at you with a dark look in his eyes.

He stood behind his desk making his way over to you, stranding behind you he ran his hand over the back of your chair before spinning you around to face him.

"Would you like to do the extra credit?" He lifted your head up making you look him in the eyes. Far from freezing in your spot, you got up instantly and you made your way to the door ready to run if it was necessary.

“What the hell are you implying, Professor? This is inappropriate.”

Sadly, you had heard stories about this professor. Everyone over the campus knew he had a reputation of being a disgusting libidinous man, but for you it was just that, stories. At least until today.

He also was the son of the dean which made it almost impossible that any accusations towards him were taking seriously. You’d tried to ignore the times you caught him staring at your cleavage or the times he’d got too close of your ear to talk to you over something related to the class.

Hearing the tone that you used to respond, the professor clearly understood he wasn’t going to get anything from you. His demeanor changed within a second and he furrowed his eyebrows, acting as if he didn’t understand what all the fuss was.

“I wasn’t implying anything Ms.Y/L/N. I suggest you calm yourself or I’m afraid you won’t have any chance to pass this class.”

You motherfucking pervert, you thought. You took a deep breath, just because you knew you had to do everything in your power to pass this class and never again deal with this pervert.

“Could you please tell me what I have to do to earn the extra credits?”

“Of course, you will have to redo the last three essays that you failed. By next week.”

What a pain in the ass. But anything is better than getting stuck in his class once again.

“Will do. Thank you, Professor.” You said swallowing your pride as you opened the door and left, almost wanting to barf at the falseness of his smile. It was disgusting.

By the time you were arriving to your building entrance, you were already with a unsufferable headache, and you were blinking away some tears. You had such a shitty day; you couldn’t believe the nerves on that pervert, and you were angry thinking that he has done this to other girls too.

You needed to relax, or else you were going to explode. Your mind went to straight Jungkook and his words the last time you saw each other.

“If you ever need someone to talk, you know you can count on me Y/N.”

Well, maybe you could hang out with him. You haven’t been able to have fun for the last two days since you were studying and working on your essays so hard. And it didn’t even pay off. You grabbed your phone as you sat in a bench outside your building and looked for Jungkook’s contact.

As you waited for him to pick up, you dried the tears on your face with the back of your hand, you didn’t want anyone to see you crying.

You were about to hang up when he finally picked up the call. He sounded a little bit out of air. “H-hey, Y/N. What’s up?”

“Hey, by any chance are you at your place?”

“U-uh, no. I-I’m on the campus.” More exactly, on the backseat of his car. With a girl on top of him that he doesn’t remember her name, sucking his neck, drawing hickeys all over it but he wasn’t going to tell you that. “Why? Are you okay?”

No.

“Yeah, I just- Um, I thought maybe we could hang out, but maybe I’ll better go to Jihyo’s.”

You did not sound okay. Not at all. He could sense something was troubling you.

The girl moaned loudly as she rubbed herself on Jungkook’s groin. Hopefully you didn’t hear that.

Your eyes widened as you heard what you were pretty sure it was a moaning from a girl. You felt like an idiot. You instantly regretted calling him.

“Where are you now?” Asked immediately Jungkook, putting his hand on the girl’s mouth to shut her up.

He didn’t even get a response from you, you just hung up the call. Whatever or whoever he was doing, you didn’t want to hear anything more.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This hadn’t been a good idea, thought Jungkook. It didn’t feel good either. He stopped the girl’s hands that were roaming all over his body.

“I have to go.”

The girl looked at him puzzled. “What?” She tried to rub herself again on Jungkook and kiss him, but he stopped her immediately. She tilted her head saying “Don’t you want me to suck you off? Come on, you’ll enjoy it.”

“No thank you, now please get the fuck out of my car.” He said roughly, he knew it was the only way to get this girl out of his car.

“You are such a dick.”

“Yeah, I know that.” He mumbled as the girl left and he got to the front seat of his car. He just wanted to go and look for you.

You were staring at the floor, spacing out since you hung up the call with Jungkook. No more tears streaming down your face, but the headache was growing stronger. You just wanted for this day to be over.

“Y/N?” You suddenly heard a male voice near you. You lifted your head to see who the person was talking to you.

You knew this guy. Wait, no! You slept with this guy. And of course, you forgot his name.

“Mingyu, remember?”

Ohhh! That guy!

“Yes, Mingyu! Right.” He smiled at you, and you smiled back, not as widely as him but you did smile. Gosh, you forgot he was this handsome. “Sorry, I’m not the best when it comes to remembering names.”

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mean to intrude but are you okay?”

“Actually no. I have a massive headache that I think it might turn into a migraine any time soon. College is draining my brain.” You said with a light chuckle as he nodded and chuckled too, you not wanting to go any further with details. “What were you doing here anyways?”

“I was on my way to the coffee store; I just finished a study session with a friend of mine that lives in that grey building over there.” He said pointing at the building right next to yours.

You think you remember something that he said the night you slept together, about him knowing this area because of one of his friends. Or maybe you’re just imagining things.

You nodded and stayed in silence while rubbing your temples, the headache was slowly increasing.

“Listen, I have some Advil here if you want. I always have some with me, every time I finish with exams, I end up with huge headaches from the stress.”

“That sounds so relatable.” You say as you chuckled again. “Um, yeah, if you don’t mind, I’ll go with you to the coffee store and buy something for myself, I really don’t like to take those kinds of pills without a drink.”

“Sure.” He said as you both started walking towards the coffee store, it was a few meters away from your building.

“What do you wanna have? My treat.” Said Mingyu as he looked at you.

“Oh, no, no, I’ll pay for myself.” You refused profusely.

You really didn’t want him to pay your drink. He might get the wrong idea. Or he might end up asking you out on a date. Oh, the headache is not even letting you think straight.

“It’s not a big deal, it’s just a drink, Y/N.”

Okay. He’s just being friendly. Okay.

You nodded. “An iced americano, please.”

“Sit here” He said pointing at the bench outside the store. “You should take some fresh air. I’ll order and bring it to you.”

This is so weird. This guy was being incredibly gentle with you, especially having in consideration that you had made a false promise of calling him back that morning after you slept together. You almost felt guilty of accepting his treat. Clearly you didn’t deserve it.

You were feeling your head was about to explode, so you got up and walked to the restroom inside the coffee store to wash your face with cold water, in the hopes of feeling a little bit better.

On the way there, you saw that Mingyu was already finishing paying for your drinks so you told him to put the Advil inside your drink so it would be diluted by the time you got back from the restroom.

Ever since you were young, you hated to swallow big pills because you always got this awful feeling like they got stuck in your throat, so you’d always put them inside a drink to make it easier for you to take it.

Jungkook had arrived at your place right before you got up from the bench and watched all the sequence of you talking with Mingyu and then going to the coffee store with him.

Who the fuck is that guy? Was all he could think of. Jealousy invading every inch of his body.

He saw as you entered the coffee store, said something to this guy who seemed to be in the counter ordering – whoever he is – and then walking towards the restroom.

The guy sat in a bench outside, opened one of the lids of the drinks he was holding and dropped a pill inside of it that he had taken from his backpack.

Jungkook’s brain started to make connections. Could that be a roofie? What if the guy wanted to drug you and take advantage of you? No, it can’t be. Maybe it’s just his drink.

As soon as he saw you approaching this guy again and that he was holding for you the drink where he dropped the pill, Jungkook got out from his car. You had started to walk away with the guy towards your building entrance and you were about to have a sip of the drink in your hand when all the sudden Jungkook appeared out of nowhere, hitting your plastic cup and spilling all its contents on the floor.

Mingyu observed dumbfounded the scene unraveling in front of him.

“What the actual fuck, Jungkook?”

“I saw him putting something in your drink.” Jungkook sounded so proud of himself as if he had just saved you from a pack of lions trying to eat you.

“Yes, because I asked him to do it.”

Huh? You asked him to put a pill in your drink?

“What?” Said Jungkook almost in a whisper.

You huffed and then gave Mingyu the most apologetic look, who clearly had a question mark all over his face, “Thanks for the Advil and the drink, Mingyu. I owe you one.”

Luckily, Mingyu got the memo pretty quickly and as he took one last look between the two of you, he said “No worries. See you, Y/N.”

As soon as you saw Mingyu was already a considerable distance away and you had enough privacy to talk, you gave Jungkook an stern look as you crossed your arms in your chest. “Were you just following me?”

“No, I was-” He cut himself, frustration growing inside of him. “You didn’t sound okay when you called me, so I came to look for you.”

“Well, I’m okay as you can see, you can go back to whatever you were doing, I’m sure you were busy.”

Jungkook ignored completely the way you implied you had listened the sounds over the phone coming from the girl he was about to screw.

“Are you screwing that guy too?”

You cackled. “Are you fucking serious right now, Jeon?”

Jeon, not Jungkook but Jeon. You were mad. And him, being petty as fuck, instead of letting the water calm, he kept pushing it.

“Is that a yes?”

“What’s it to you?”

“I’m just asking because instead of thanking me for taking care of you, you thanked him while acting like a bitch towards me.”

“Excuse me? Thanking you? I don’t need for you to take care of me, I already told you this before. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.” You said angrily.

The audacity of this man. Not even half an hour ago, you heard a girl moaning while you were talking on the phone with him, not only that but he also has his neck full of hickeys that you know they weren’t there last time you saw him, and he has the nerve to ask if you’re screwing Mingyu or not. You couldn’t take anymore the hypocrisy of his words. He was free to do whatever the fuck he wanted but so were you, so why was he interrogating you?

The next few words came out of you with too much anger. “You’re not my boyfriend Jungkook. So, stop acting like you are.”

Okay that sounded so much better in your mind. You didn’t want to sound that rough.

You saw him gasp at your words. He was about to say something but stopped himself, closed his eyes for a second and then looked at you again without any emotion on his face “Yeah, you’re right, I’m not your boyfriend.”

You didn’t mean to hurt him with your words. He was just concerned about you, and you snapped at him. But the fact that he was the one doing a scene after what you heard over the phone, was exasperating you.

You weren’t made of stone and even though you didn’t make any jealousy scene, you did feel a pang in your chest when you heard that girl over the phone. You hated that you were feeling all these kinds of things that you never felt with your other hook-ups.

You hated that this happened two days after you finally decided to open up with him. You didn’t want to, but you felt betrayed. You knew you had no right. But he was pushing your buttons, acting as if he was the one jealous when you did nothing with Mingyu. You were already too mad about what happened with your professor earlier and now this. You couldn’t take it anymore.

“Ugh, Jungkook… It wasn’t my int-” He cut you off roughly.

“Fuck off, Y/N. I don’t need this kind of bullshit; you are just a good fuck. I shouldn’t be wasting my time with you.”

Eyes widened as you saw him leave, astounded because he never treated you like this before. It crossed your mind for a split second to stop him, but the moans started replaying in your head non-stop as your headache turned finally into a migraine, it was even hard to keep your eyes opened. You just turned around towards your apartment and huffed. “Asshole.”

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⏤ author's note❧ Well, this chapter took longer that I thought! 😅 But as I said before, I want to give you my best, guys. This chapter is by far my favorite one yet of the series, hope that it is for you too 💜. Please, let me know what you think! Don't hesitate on leaving your feedback, reblog, send asks, whatever you'd like. 🥰

⏤ tag list❧ @chimsworldsstuff @ahgasegotarmy116 @whoa-jo @aloverga @coralmusicblaze @ericawantstoescape

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cookii-moon · 9 months

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I think post DOTD Cole still deserves to be at least a tiny bit affected by his time as a ghost yk

Explanations!!

Ngl the fact that Cole literally defied life and death and we never talk about it makes me sad like cmon it’s so interesting we give Lloyd Oni dragon features and Nya water features but we NEVER talk about when Cole literally transcended the barrier of ACTUAL DEATH. He should get more than a scar that vanishes afterwards and some cool powers SO IM GIVING HIM IT because this fandom has a criminal lack of ghost Cole content

So yeah here’s my explanations for each thingy plus my headcanons slash fanon

You can find the exact lines and contents in the ID if you can’t read my messy handwriting or tell what my messy sketches are supposed to be dndfjhgfdhgi know I know it’s very bad anyways

first one is self explanatory, Kai’s worried about Cole because the guy was dead and came back to life, Cole denies it (no it’s not ship but idm if ur a lavashipper and want it to be ship you can tag it if you wanna) because he’s Cole ofc he’s gonna deny it he’s an idiot. Meanwhile we go on to list alll the ways it’s most definitely 100% affecting him.

first one. the Cole vision. BASICALLY I follow the theory ghosts have different eyes, and when designing those eye, I take inspiration from lizard eyes. A lot of lizards, particularly nocturnal ones, not only have good night vision but can also see many more colors than humans, so I applied that to ghost eyes as well, essentially sight is one of their few senses that aren’t muted. They have night vision and can also see a much broader spectrum of color than humans can.

Since Cole has his scar on the left side, he also gets a ghost eye on the left side, which still has all the advantages he did as a ghost. On the other hand, his right eye is back to usual, meaning it doesn’t get those advantages and he’s still red/green colorblind in it. That means his left and right vision is pretty different now, which takes quite a lot of getting used to. Obviously this would be easier to show with a colored thing but it was. Hard to color for obvious reasons (you can’t demonstrate someone being able to see more colors than humans because we will always interpret it as a color we can see due to how we filter it) the ghost eye stays his entire life and there’s not really anything he can do about it.

Onto the arm - the markings are essentially burn marks / scars from his lava arms, and his nails are claws. I see ghosts as getting less and less human as time goes on because they forget who they were and what they looked like, therefore being incapable of mimicking a human form. Because Cole was around the ninja he never got far, but he did end up with some intrinsic ghost traits that carried over, like the claws. He has tried cutting them but it basically requires a massive claw clipper and even then they grow back very quickly and you can still see that they’re claws, they’re just less obnoxiously sharp. He usually opts to hide them with gloves a lot of the time. The claws are also permanent, but he can regularly trim them to be less obvious and also less annoying and more manageable.

The one where he’s scared of water is. Self explanatory. Obviously he has a big fear of water after coming back from the dead. Even just a few drops can send him into a panic attack. It gets better eventually with exposure therapy, though it may still cause him to be anxious around it at times.

most people have already done the “Cole runs into doors and walls after coming back from being a ghost lol” but like. It makes sense. So.

Right. Onto the ANGSTTTT.

“Everything is too much” refers to his sensory issues. Now obviously Cole is autistic /lh so he’s always had some sensory issues, but oh boy. Getting the ability to feel literally everything instantly after so long of not having it whatsoever?? Yikes. Pretty much everything is obnoxiously and incredibly overwhelming to him. it goes back to the usual after a lot of help from his family, though! :)

“But also”. Aka the image of him looking out at the stars. Lot more vague. Interpret it as you wish. There’s a few intended meanings to it but go ahead and figure them out for yourself. I will say that going with the idea that it’s dissociation related, he has a tendency to dissociate a lot after coming back (which is strange since he used to be pretty grounded). It never really goes away.

”Too little” ok so this one DEFINITELY needs explanation. I talked about how he’s overwhelmed. Well. Sometimes he’ll have bouts where it’s the exact opposite. He’ll suddenly feel a cold chill followed by a spreading numbness. Sometimes it’s just his hand, or his arm, other times it’s his entire body. It’s basically a psychological thing, sort of like phantom limbs except instead of a feeling where there is an absence, it’s more of an absence where there should be a feeling. Of course it’s absolutely terrifying for him, but the others eventually learn how to help ground him when it happens. Over time It gets less frequent but it doesn’t go away.

Anyways yeah that’s all I just. Think there should not only be more ghost Cole content but also. More post ghost Cole. He’s gotta be impacted SOMEHOW. Right.

Anyways yeah this is that so like

#ninjago #ninjago cole #cole ninjago #lego ninjago #ghost cole #art #digital artist #digital sketch #sketch #cookie’s thoughts #cookie’s art #ninjago headcanons #headcanon #ninjago thoughts #ninjago theory #ninjago kai #kai ninjago #kai smith #kai jiang

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octahedral-chaos · 1 month

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Okay so I'm still thinking about the starfolk and human ocs that I want to make, so have some more information/ ideas for them:

Putting this under a cut because this is LONG

Starfolk oc is a light "hunteress"-type starfolk (@mystic-131 I hope it's okay to use your terminology for starfolk types-) who has been sealed off in a specific artifact due to accidentally killing a fellow light starfolk.

Said artifact might be their weapon (Most likely either an axe or a scythe) or a necklace. It's pretty lonely being stuck inside a (Literal, in all sense of the word) liminal space, that's basically a void with a little window where you can see outside of your prison.

Yeah, it messed the poor thing up badly. They suffer from FOMO a LOT, as well as feeling pretty helpless watching the outside world, especially when they really, REALLY wish to help anything that caught their attention.

Starfolk oc meets the human oc due to... said human accidentally coming across their prison during a yard sale (Or any other thing of that sort) and deciding to get the artifact because it looks neat... or they found it lying around in a wooded area. But the former idea is much funnier in my opinion.

Cue to Human oc blanking out because of starfolk oc trying to contact them because they're so excited to finally be noticed after a long, LONG time of being stuck all alone... but it turns out that the Human can also feel their emotions, and it can be very, VERY overwhelming for said person at times-

So, Human oc gets (mentally) thrown into Starfolk oc's void-prison thing, and starfolk oc manages to coax them into offering a hand to breaking the curse. Basically they realised that their situation is surprisingly similar, so starfolk oc offers to stay with them, while human oc offers to help break the curse in return.

Now onto the human oc! She was unfortunately abused by her parents, and ended up running away from them during her early teens. She managed to make a living out of selling things she created by hand, like embroidery and stuff. She's self-taught.

Also DW, said oc ended up getting a new home... but she has been tossed between several Foster parents due to her trauma and stuff being a bit too much for some of them, so she didn't get to fully experience a "normal" childhood in a sense.

Basically, she learnt to live all on her own, but still suffers from the effects of her trauma and lack of socialisation.

As mentioned above, she found starfolk oc in a yard sale. Basically she was getting things to decorate her new home (After hunting down an apartment complex for stars-alone-knows-how-long) and thought the artifact would make for a pretty neat wall mount (Thinking about making starfolk oc's prison a scythe)

So she did ended up accepting the starfolk's offer because... she thought that she couldn't help people since there's so much rules regarding interaction, but this being seems nice so why not help them?

Also she was just in shock during the entire ordeal so she just accepted the offer without hesitation, since she wanted to be helpful for once.

Turns out, the artifact gives her the ability to use light starfolk magic and attacks, as well as understanding and speaking in sonar.

Interestingly, the artifact (Or possibly even the starfolk magic itself) seems to be slowly turning her into a light starfolk the more she uses light magic and attacks.

It was pretty gradual, initially being a weirdly pale look to her skin, but ended up progressing to becoming more like a starfolk's skin, white and almost porcelain or glass-like. She also gets extra nonhuman traits as well, namely ear-wings and two pairs of small wings on her back, as well as some feathers too.

Initially, she was a bit freaked out by this (Same applies to starfolk oc), but she just kinds of accept it and now actually really like it. If people don't like her, then maybe being similar to her newfound friend might be a better option.

In a sense, both of them help each other heal from their traumas, becoming stronger and happier with themselves, even if the changes may be difficult or even painful to deal with.

#OCTAfan says stuff #My ocs: Sonnet #My ocs: Sakari #Asterism Borealis #worldless game #<- Kinda #Worldless ocs #Tw body horror #Long post #Ask to tag

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2ndstar-ontheright · 1 year

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Autistic Jeremy Headcanons!

🎮He canonically has trouble being social with others and understanding social cues. For example, he doesn’t initiate his conversations with the popular people (Chloe and Brooke) and didn’t really understand the whole “tall ass” thing. (“I’m not even that tall..”)

🎮Has trouble making friends/close relationships with others. Micheal was the only friend he had before he got the Squip, so…

🎮He stutters around people he doesn’t know very well and in unfamiliar situations. He’s fine around the people he knows, but when he’s around Christine and in the mall, that’s pretty much out the window.

🎮Scripting! If we’re going by the original Two-River production and the Book. He writes the letter to Christine to help him explain how he feels (but flushes it) and he uses the Humiliation Sheets when navigating school.

🎮Very socially awkward. Do I need to explain this one? Lol

🎮Gets confused easily and asks a lot of questions.

🎮Doesn’t always catch or read sarcasm. (“Is this where you meet for the play?” “No, this is where you meet for the swim team.”)

🎮Desperately wants to fit in and be seen as “normal.” The main reason he even got the Squip was so he could talk to Christine and be seen as “normal”.

🎮Gets overwhelmed/overstimulated easily. (I personally saw the whole scene in the mall & Upgrade as him having sensory overload.)

🎮Occasionally has a “one track” mind. Like when he was becoming more popular and he didn’t notice how it affected the people around him.

🎮Has a strong sense of justice, when it’s needed. Like when he was trying to stop the Squip from basically taking over the school/world and getting away from Chloe. (Technically, he was forced to stay by the Squip, but he tried to do the right thing at first.) It is still a bit skewed however, considering he okay with doing the more problematic things the Squip told him to.

🎮Feels isolated from his peers and his best friend. Where Micheal’s content with being a “loser”, Jeremy isn’t and doesn’t know how to explain it to him. He’s tired of being someone’s “player two”, y’know?

🎮Basically the entirety of “Loser, Geek, or Whatever. (Seriously. Go listen to that song and then tell me that boy is not autistic.) It helps get my point across much better than I can xD.

🎮Canonically has and hears voices in his head and has trouble managing them.

🎮Has a fixation on old Nintendo games and other “retro” stuff. Like Pac-Man and AOTD.

And yeah! This is all that I have so far where. when comes to canon evidence, but I have a lot more stuff that’s just headcanons. I just wanted to actually use proof before someone comes and says “OmG nOt eVeRyThInG is AuTiStIc wHy dO yOu hAvE tO RuIn tHe CoNtEnT aNd ChArAcTeRs bY MaKiNg tHeM tHaT wAy? NoT eVerYtHiNg hAs tO HaVe aN AgEnDa So LeAvE tHe ChArAcTeRs aLoNe. TheY wErE wRiTTen tO Be tHaT waY, nOt aUtIsTic.” And look, I know it’s a mixed bag when it comes to having headcanons about being disabled. I know it looks kinda sus and pandering when like a nuerotypcal person is doing that, but please know, I’m autistic too. And I highly doubt it that my tiny corner of the internet and my personal interpretation of a fictional character is going to ruin it for the rest of the fandom. I’m not trying to force anyone to agree! This is just me! Anyway, just wanted to preface that before people got upset or sm :3.

#be more chill #BMC #bmc headcanon #jeremy heere #Jeremy Heere headcanons #Autistic headcanons #actually autistic #micheal mell #the squip #Headcanon

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livixbobbiex · 2 years

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Organisation and task planning apps I find useful as an ADHDer

People often wonder how I'm so organised. The truth is, it's necessity and coping mechanism. This post is a recommendation of a few tools to help you all to improve your time management, so long as you can find just a little self will.

Apps will be listed first, and I'm closing this post with a longer explanation to try and sell you on the benefits and ease of doing this. I tried my best to include a variety for different preferences:

Remember the Milk

Available as a website and as an app

Good for people who like looking at lists

You create 'lists' (category of task such as home, school etc.), which you can also add tags and locations to

All of your lists combine into daily and weekly checklists

Imports to google calendar in the free version

Unfortunately a lot of options are paywalled, including app notifications. If you have an android, you can work around this with your normal phone calendar.

Trello

Good for more visual based people

Mostly a website, but available as an app

Better for long term tasks and projects

Would recommend for people more used to organisation as it can take a while to set up. However if you dedicate some time, you can get some great custom options.

A lot of functionality in the free version.

Habatica

Probably my favourite

Has a web and app version - where the app is actually quite easy to look at!

It is basically just a gameified version of your daily schedule. You get rewarded for checking off your tasks with RPG points, and you can buy items with coins and stuff.

Gives you a whole sense of progression and is great for dopamine.

A feature I love is the ability to set task difficulty, which gives you higher reward for harder tasks.

More of a daily habits type of thing, and not so great for one-off events.

All the functionality is free, the subscription is mostly cosmetic stuff.

Do it Now RPG

Similar in concept to habatica

What I really like specific to this app is the ability to assign tasks to specific character values. That means your character progression is actually quite realistic

Has an actual calendar which is a plus, however it is locked behind paywall. However it's about £11 for a whole year, so it's one of the cheaper options

Time Planner: Schedule and Tasks

Allows you to view tasks in these cool bubbles

You can also view them in list view and calendar view

Lots of customisation and easy to make categories

Most of the functionality is present in the free version including push notifications

Cute colour scheme!

Has a really good tutorial, which is kind of unique to these apps (which can be overwhelming)

Sectograph

Basically lays out your tasks visually on a clockface

Works best in combination with your existing calendar app

Has a home screen widget!!! You can have this be the thing you see whenever you unlock your phone!!!

Some features such as colour customisation locked behind the paywall, but it's a life time purchase of like £4 so it might be worth it.

Sweepy

A cleaning app specifically but I find it useful enough to mention here.

One thing I like is that it comes with existing task lists (editable). All you have to do is add the rooms in your house.

Basically requires very little set up and reminds you to clean at good intervals.

Benefits of doing this!

So immediately, you might think that this is super daunting. And no yeah, it is and I'm not perfect with these apps at all. But the thing is, with executive dysfunction being so crippling a lot of the time, any tool that helps is so valuable.

I find that writing down what I have to do not only makes it easer to remember, but also gives me more internal pressure to actually do it.

ADHDers generally enjoy problem solving and tasks that involve min/maxing. Just try and think about it like that during the set up stage. The set up is by far the hardest part. Good life advice in general honestly: gameify everything.

If none of these appeal to you, you can still do a lot on your phone's calendar app. Actually, back when I was doing my school exams, I made study schedules on excel spreadsheet that worked pretty well. There are so many options out there!

#adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #actually adhd #task planning #organisation #adhd hacks #executive dysfunction

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cuddly-asexual · 1 year

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Been sitting on this idea for a while, but an Ichika sick fic where her 5 boyfriends try to take care of her but mostly don’t know what they’re doing. She told Hana to keep it a secret so they wouldn’t worry, but Hana lets it slip and the entire defense team goes “SHE’S WHAT?”

Hana is thankfully able to convince them to not all show up at Ichika’s house at the same time because that would be very overwhelming so they decide to take turns and have one person go each day. They draw lots or something and I have the order as thus: Ryuhei > Hyuma > Yusuke > Naoya (+ Hana) > Taisei. Everyone is VERY concerned about Ryuhei being the first one but he manages to ease their concerns.

-Ryuhei’s visit is still a mess tho, he does, in fact, have no idea what he’s doing. You can be damn sure he’s trying his best tho. He tries to cook her some curry, but doesn’t realize that just because something tastes good doesn’t mean it’s always good for you, so he’s just kinda like oh uh here’s some rice??? Does the “puts my forehead against yours to check a fever” thing. Cheesy because Ryuhei doesn’t realize how flustered it makes Ichika. Essentially Ryuhei just brings a lot of big loud energy, but it cheers Ichika up.

-Hyuma is probably the only one who knows what he’s doing since he takes care of his sick mom. A breath of fresh air after Ryuhei the day before. Properly takes Ichika’s temperature, serves her a nice soup, cool towel. He mostly keeps to himself otherwise, just reads a book at her bedside. She’ll point it out and he’ll probably try to pretend he’s not flustered and ask her what she’d want to do then. They have a nice chat about something niche they both enjoy.

-I know logically it makes sense for Yusuke to know how to take care of a sick person the gap moe would be funny so I think he’s surprisingly useless. Does he know basic first aid? Yeah, for injuries on a baseball field not the flu.

-Naoya and Hana just come together since they’re siblings, but Hana leaves early on to give Naoya his time with Ichika. She just checks up on Ichika and drops off a lunch she made (full of greens of course, Naoya helped too). Naoya’s definitely taken care of Hana when she was sick before. I think he’s got some special secret remedy for a sore throat.

-Taisei is nothing if not enthusiastic. Ichika is feeling somewhat better at this point; they mostly just hang out. Taisei knows the basics of how to take care of a sick person. He cooks her some miso with tofu because obviously. I think they get a little ahead of themselves and Ichika like almost collapses or something but Taisei catches her all romcom style, they have a cute moment. Taisei carries her to her bed so she can rest some more.

Ichika deserves all the love in this world and these boys have endless amounts of it.

Bonus: someone else gets sick from this and they do the same thing all over again

#super sentai #the high school heroes #sakurai ichika #manaka taisei #domon ryuhei #takigawa yusuke #morimura naoya #oura hyuma #morimura hana #my fics #text

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bpdstevenuniverse · 11 months

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// TRIGGER WARNINGS - hospitalization, ableism, NPD stigma, suicidal thoughts

So... I haven't really posted about this before, but I've started partial hospitalization two weeks ago, and... yeah. I am not enjoying it.

I know it's early for me to say this, but there are many things I am just not getting used to. For one, it's my first experience in therapy groups - because all activities are done in groups. And like, okay. I WANTED to try it out because I WANT to improve my social skills, and I don't want to be trapped in a psych ward 24/7 again.

But personally, the things that bother me the most:

There are WAY too many patients for such a small mental health clinic, so the therapy groups and the overall activities can be too loud and overwhelming. At least I'm a very sensitive person when it comes to loud noises and too many people at once, so it's far from encouraging to me to be in such an environment. I don't mind short groups, though, they're usually easier to manage and I can also get to know people better... but yeah, that's not the case most of the time now.

Since this mental health clinic is private (financially speaking), then unfortunately both patients and the mental health professionals have some very... ignorant points of view. I'm not saying this because I'm a complainer or anything; It's like I'm listening to my conservative relatives saying shit at the dinner table (well, most of the patients are a lot older than me). Additionally, the amount of times I've had to listen to people demonize NPD... I always have to hold myself back from wanting to yell at them. Like, it's so HYPOCRITICAL. We're supposed to be in a place where you don't need to fear being judged, and yet everyone judges narcissists. I'm aware that personality disorders in general are still not well researched without being demonized, but come on. None of the psychiatrists and psychologists really try to clarify that NPD is also stigmatized and people who have it aren't evil.

I honestly don't like a lot of the advice they give - again, both patients and the professionals. They insist on doing the "two sides" argument on every single situation, when it really doesn't apply to all of them. They especially hammer on the "you have to respect everyone's opinions" and I'm like, yeah, okay. But then you have the people I mentioned above, and I just think to myself, "I'm obviously not going to fight anyone, but I sure as hell don't respect the fucking racists and ableists in this place lol."

I fucking hate the fact that they don't provide me individual support when I'm having a bad day. I have very strong suicidal ideation, despite me never acting on it, and in these past weeks there were many moments I just needed to vent to someone. I didn't feel safe opening up at home, and my therapist and my psychiatrist were unavailable the whole time, and I didn't feel comfortable saying sharing such heavy emotions in the groups. So, I tried to talk to someone in private, and... it just didn't help me. One, they told me to WAIT a long fucking time to talk to someone - once they told me to do that TWO DAYS LATER. Two, in the meantime they just told me to share my feelings in the groups even though I said I couldn't, or to distract myself with fucking crosswords or coloring pictures, like that fucking helps me. Or, they send me to the nursery but I just... sit there doing nothing. My psychiatrist didn't prescribe me any medication for this kind of situation, but I don't want pills, I just want someone to TALK.

Maybe this is just my impression and it doesn't apply just to the partial hospitalization, but I hate that just because I don't act on my suicidal thoughts, they don't think they really have to do anything. Again, when I have these thoughts, I feel extremely overwhelmed. I feel so anguished and in pain that it's too much to bear. I'm really sick of passive suicidal ideation never being taken seriously. It's basically the story of my life: people just take me seriously when I do something really bad. When I ask for help BEFORE it gets bad, they don't give a fucking shit about it.

Anyway, the point is: the partial hospitalization reminds me a lot of how the psych ward failed me. Too many patients, too much judgment in a "judgment-free" space, and some really terrible advice and neglect of more reserved patients like me.

I really hope this isn't just me though, because I certainly don't want to sound like a jerk for being so unsatisfied with this treatment. If this works or has worked for you, that's great! I don't want to discourage anyone here, despite my saltiness.

#again. maybe the problem is just me #bc i'm a little sensitive bitch #actuallybpd #actuallybipolar #hospitalization tw #partial hospitalization program #ableism tw #npd stigma #suicidal thoughts tw #suicide mention tw #venting #personal #my journal

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goldenkamuyhunting · 2 years

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Did you not notice Sofia shooting Tsurumi the same moment he did? I actually think its a great add and means a lot to Sofia character’s arc. What do you think?

Well...

...to my shame I’ve to admit I noticed it only on my third checking.

Credits when it’s due Noda ALWAYS improved greatly the volume version of his manga and Vol 30 is noticeable because it’s kind of massive compared to the others because yes, it contains 12 chapters but also lots of new pages and changes for a total of around 250 pages (other volumes have around 200).

Now, among the chapters contained in Vol 30, one of the weakest points was the way Sofia was handled as I wasn’t the only one unsatisfied for how her death didn’t feel emotional at all and, either Noda wasn’t satisfied either or the Japanese fandom wasn’t and he got wind of it so he took care to try to improve things.

And in my books this counts as him deserving lots of kudos because, as far as I know, there are very few manga authors who take care to try to improve the volume version to the extent Noda goes.

So what do I think of the changes and, more specifically, of the scene in which Sofia pressed the trigger? Did it improve things?

If you ask my two cents... yes and... no.

Why yes and no?

Let’s start with the good bits.

Character wise, Sofia managing to shoot, just works better than her freezing completely.

That’s because, for start, in the church she was shown capable to attack Tsurumi without freezing up, and because it makes the scene a little less in ‘easy mode’.

I mean, to have Tsurumi take her down after she resisted for so long defeating all the ones who tried to kill her, solely because she froze up seeing him… well this felt waaay too convenient. Sure, it can be argued that Tsurumi shoot twice while she managed to shoot only once and didn’t even graze him, and we still have the panel showing how she sees Hasegawa when looking at Tsurumi which might imply she hesitated, so Tsurumi still had him easy but well, the scene might not be perfect but an improvement is an improvement.

So yeah, THIS IS GOOD.

However… on the opposite side we can see that, even if Noda redrew part of the image… there’s basically 0 focus on how Sofia managed to still shoot back despite her regret.

The image is still structured as it was before, the focus completely on how Sofia got shoot twice so that it comes easy to miss Sofia fired too… because the message isn’t that Sofia still managed to fire but that Tsurumi shoot her twice, placing all the focus on this…

…but okay, it might feel less impactful if you’re not a magazine reader and watch the scene without being influenced by how you’re aware Sofia didn’t shoot in the magazine. Despite the little focus on it you might still notice she shoot.

So okay, this might be me nitpicking.

What’s not me nitpicking is that Sofia now firing changes how we view the scene, especially in connection with what follows.

In fact in the magazine the whole scene was about how Sofia’s guilt was so overwhelming it stopped her to fire and made her apologize to Tsurumi, finding relief only when she heard him saying he’ll forgive her.

This could tie in with how Ogata is literally killed by the personification of his own sense of guilt… only to end the theme of guilt with him as Asirpa will feel no guilt and Sugimoto is apparently cured from his own (and the same might be said for the rest of the surviving cast, who regrets nothing, from Nagakura who, once Hijikata is dead, leaves Asirpa and Sugimoto to their own devices same as Kantarou, to Tanigaki whose shame in going back is never discussed again, to Koito and Tsukishima who apparently did nothing wrong and the only one to blame is Central who would like to blame them and their men for having rebelled but no, they won’t let evil Central do so… and it won’t considering Koito and Tsukishima will remain in the Army and Koito will continue to rise in ranks).

Now though, the most harm Sofia’s guilt does is to make us speculate if Sofia hesitated to shoot and therefore made easier for Tsurumi to shoot her, or if she missed on purpose (unlikely but she didn’t even graze him which is kind of bad considering she had a rifle) therefore making easier for him to come out of that fight without even a scratch.

So yeah, Sofia managing to fire weakens the idea she has overwhelming guilt…

And while this is good because that overwhelming guilt wasn’t well presented (we were all in with how she believed she murdered Olga and Fina but the idea she now feels guilty merely because she went there felt out of nowhere, as if she’s searching for something to blame herself) at least to western audience (Japanese audience is much more into guilt merely by cause-effect discounting intention so maybe they were more okay with this jump) but could have been easily overcome by presenting her guilt better…

THIS IS also BAD because it weakened the whole theme of guilt and therefore the connection with how Ogata killed himself due to inability to face his own guilt (but considering the theme of guilt isn’t pursued any further by the other remaining characters maybe Noda sacrificed it gladly).

But okay, after Ogata’s death Noda wasn’t really interested in the theme of guilt any longer so he might not have minded toning it down from Sofia’s death as well…

…but then we still have Sofia’s final moments all circling around it, around how she blames herself for Tsurumi’s loss and how she finds peace when he tells her he’ll forgive her… before killing her, implying he’ll never forgive Wilk instead.

So we tone down Sofia’s guilt but easing such guilt is still the core of her death? It makes it even less emotional.

Overall, as I’ve already said when commenting it for the magazine version, the scene still seems to be more about Tsurumi’s loss than about her.

It seems to be about how she has done something unforgivable to him (when Tsurumi is actually a lot more to blame for his own loss while Sofia is only peripherally and vaguely responsible), how noble he is to forgive her despite that and yet how vengeful he still is toward Wilk.

All this while at the same time all of Sofia’s previous goals are forgotten to focus on a guilt that was poorly developed and just introduced.

Yeah, credits when it’s due, Noda tried to give focus to Sofia’s love for her men in a new scene in which she searches for them and find none of them remained alive, breaking down and calling Wilk and Kiro as well… though the story doesn’t really focus on her feeling guilty for them, for dragging them in that suicide mission, she just mourns them… and again, credits when it’s due, to stress how Sofia should feel guilty Noda remarks, in another added scene, how Sofia’s group draw the line at killing children (which she actually didn’t do, that was Wilk’s mistake and he went on living just fine and without regrets as far as we know).

Now… I can intellectually work out a psychological explanation to justify Sofia’s guilt and how Tsurumi’s words were ‘salvation’ for her… but sometimes in a story what matters more are gut feelings. When watching Sofia’s death I didn’t feel as emotionally involved as I did when watching Nikaidou’s death (and I liked Sofia much more than him) or when I watched Boutarou or Kiro or Kikuta’s death (and those were characters I actually liked a lot instead).

Her death, same as any other character’s death, was supposed to be an emotional moment, not a moment in which you start doing a psychological analysis to figure out why in that moment she would feel that way. As I said, maybe it’s cultural, maybe for a Japanese person the jump is much smaller but… I still watch the scene and it feels more about Tsurumi’s loss and rage against Wilk than about her… and yeah, a father losing his daughter feels a terrible pain… but, as far as I’m concerned that wasn’t the moment to focus on Tsurumi.

But whatever, in the end even this won’t really have a follow up. Tsurumi will never be forced to face his own responsibilities in his loss, even though he’ll realize he sacrificed Fina and Olga’s last remains to get the land deed, ultimately he’s there to tell Asirpa, or better Wilk, that everyone he/Asirpa loves will be killed by the Golden Kamuy and Wilk is to blame for this.

So… to sum it up… while adding that shoot sure improves some things in the scene, as far as I’m involved it doesn’t fix it.

It might be a cultural matter so there’s no way around it and it’s just me but well, that’s how I feel.

Thank you for your ask!

#Sofia #Tsurumi Tokushirou #Hasegawa Fina #Hasegawa Olga #Asirpa #Wilk #Nagakura Shinpachi #Okuyama Kantarou #Sugimoto Saichi #Koito Otonoshin #Tsukishima Hajime #Ogata Hyakunosuke #Ask

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noxtivagus · 1 year

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woah i. wrote a lot.

#to me friend ^^ yk the. that one. i ended up writing several paragraphs . I'M RLLY GLAD W MYSELF WAHHH 😭😭#there's sm i don't know yet though but i managed to. say at least a lot of what i've been meaning to say for a long time #i think i managed it maturely !!!! i reached out i'm so happy.#i want the best for my friend. n. yeah there's so much communication lacking but for now i think she needs space for herself #hopefully. sometime when all four of us r free we can. be direct w each other? yeah.#i'm. actually. mostly proud of how i'm handling this. hdfkajsdkfl wish i cld do so much more but..#yeah. this isn't enough. but i've taken a step at least. know i cld still do better but.#there's. rlly a lot i want to say. but. i think when we're all not quite as busy i'll try to yk. set a time where we can all talk #irl hopefully. hdjafsldf i rlly hope my words reached out to her tho :c #wish i cld still do more but i have my limits too n though i rlly try my best to be kind bcs i really mean it unconditionally #i have my boundaries.#i can't emphasize enough just how important it is to be able to do things for your own self so you can apply it to the rest of the world.#so.. i'll. say it outright here. i can't handle this on my own. all four of us have to put effort in it.#so. this seems a bit clearer at least. thankfully. aghhh i wrote a lot but i want to comfort her more directly too #i want to do. so much for each person in life i think i need to set more boundaries for myself or i'll get overwhelmed #n then it's not like every friendship has to have everything yk? but.#hdjaflsdfs no bcs for this. specifically rn. i care a lot for her she's one of my best friends after all n. for nearly 7 years #i know at least one of the things i rlly need in those sort of close friendships is. yk we can open up to each other n be honest #being honest at least. when it comes to venting i know i can just do that more on social media or. online friends #like when i say online friends btw 😭 i basically consider them irl friends n i value them very very much but #for the sake of. yk. we don't know each other irl irl so just difference in label. not the value n meaning it has for me.#so. yeah w ^^ we don't rlly share similar beliefs n views which is honestly pretty draining for me #so at the very least. hopefully sometime this/next month we can at least be direct abt that? to communicate so we can understand #i can understand ppl well enough like. uh. i'm good at piecing things tgther but there's so much gaps without direct communication #i can't guess all the time. but yk one thing abt myself that i'm. at least happy w is that. yk. i. can open up when needed #okay like it's hard when i have to do it directly to another person for my own sake but in this context w my friend. yes i can. 👍#that said though oh dear other than this. friend stuff rn there's also more i'm worried abt bcs. school. assignments. yeah #which i'll be able to do but i'm still a bit. stressed. n then for prom 10 per table but we're only 9 n we're all stags 😭😭#wanted at least to have my ^^ friend w me bcs. despite these stuff yk we're still friends :c but she's going w a partner yeah #n then there's more personal stuff too.. there's. a lot. too much to write. but i'll manage.

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imarawbu · 3 months

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I think it's official now that I am depressed.

I spend most of my life growing up severely depressed and with many mental health issues. 13 years to be exact, I'm 25 so that's most of my life. When I say severe, I mean every day you want to un-alive yourself and the only peace you get is sleeping. After I got remarried and left my parents , things gradually got better and after a decade of therapy, trying every drug out there, mental hospitals, and everything else out there I realized how much of a scam it all was. This years of torment could have been avoided if I had been removed from my family and no longer lived with abuse. For YEARS everyone told me that I was just trying to escape my problems. Ironically, I was right the whole time. My reaction was totally appropriate for what I was going through, there wasn't really a mental illness behind it. If you are trapped in an abusive situation where you are traumatized or reminded of trauma on a daily basis and have no way to get out. Trying to un-alive yourself is a pretty reasonable response. Not everything is a mental illness as it's marketed nowadays- which is I guess ironic saying it on Tumblr. Yeah, I'm sure I have problems but I can reason through them, I do have a wealth of therapy knowledge, and tools to help myself- which shouldn't have required $1000s of torture sessions with therapists where I had to pay them. This stuff is all freely available online or in books.

I have so much difficulty identifying it now as I am very high functioning and was even back then but what highlighted my depression and mental health issues was self harm and wanting to un-alive myself. I don't feel that way now. I still feel like myself over the past several years but compared to before my daughter was born, I have no interest in the things I once enjoyed. I wanted to travel, buy decor for the house, learn some new skills, etc. Now I just want to get through the day so I can have some time to myself for a few hours before I'm too tired. I have always had sleep problems since I was 8 and these have not gotten any better obviously since I am still up with a 1 year old, but it's worse that what it was. If I don't get at least 7 hours I have a headache the entire day. I have considerably less energy and motivation, I am less meticulous and careful than I used to be. I've definitely isolated myself more than I did previously, partly since I can't talk about the abuse I'm experiencing and I don't feel like I can relate to any friends anymore. I feel detached and overwhelmed by everything, everything was pretty easy to manage and I did a lot. Obviously weight gain and maybe some other symptoms.

You could argue though all my symptoms are mostly related to an escalation of abuse and overwhelm at having to basically be a single parent, as this would be a pretty normal response, especially to narcissist abuse.

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whathappenedtomyweekend · 7 months

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pure rage

a rant because i feel like i have nowhere to go with this rage and sadness. I found out this afternoon that the hr department at my shitty customer service job scheduled a disciplinary meeting regarding my absences - in the past year, since i started working for this company, i have had 6 absences total - 4 OF WHICH have been in relation to MY BEST FRIEND FUCKING DYING. and now they want to 'review' my absences because they 'have reached an unsatisfactory level'. yeah, you read that right. my work performance has been barely influenced by this because i just squash everything down because they don't pay for sick days, so i have zero choice but to keep working - i still answer emails, phone calls, go out of my way to get their stupid fucking translations and reports done quickly and to a more than satisfactory level, ALL of the team leaders and my manager know about this, and yet I'm having this meeting with that same fucking manager. as if they couldn't say, hey, we know why she's been absent (mind you, my absences were 2 days long at most which was immediately after her FUNERAL so yeah, i didn't feel like i was able to work that day, but other than that, i had 0.5 days or 1 day here and there - AGAIN, 4 times since June, which i know is a short time span but hey, i wasn't planning on my best friend of 15 years to die but what do i know), let's maybe not do this, or just have an informal chat. that's the thing, normally in their absence procedures an informal chat comes first, then comes the review which ends in a formal written warning - if you then have 3 more absences, you get a second warning and then you're out basically. so this meeting is literally going to end in a WRITTEN WARNING because I'm grieving - on and off. sometimes it just overwhelms me, it's so big and my love for her has no place to go now except into my stupid notes app.

fuck this company. fuck this company and its managers and this fucking cold, inhuman situation. I've been wanting to leave for a while now, but have always had a few excuses that held me back - convenience, i hadn't been there for more than a year and didn't want to be labelled a job hopper, there are no good positions around, i don't know what i wanna do next - you get the point. I'm done. I'm truly fucking done with these people and this company. if there has ever been a time i have been motivated to find a new job stat, this is it. I'm gonna send out as many applications as i can, i don't really care where, to be honest, I'll do cs again as long as I'm not doing it at this company. I'm done. also very tempted to just quit at the meeting, especially because hr is gonna be there. i know that would be unwise unless i had something else lined up but i just feel like not quitting would be letting them kick me while I'm down but idk. I'm still waiting for the rage to subside so i can make some better informed choices lol.

anyways, long post, long rant, you get the jist. if you read it, thank you for giving this silly thing your precious time. not to be soap opera-y, but your life is precious. don't waste time.

#tw death #tw grief #rant

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everyday-is-brighter-with-you · 7 months

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It's ok bro you'll get there. Don't beat yourself up for not studying. The person you're calling stupid happens to be my friend and I will fight you for insulting him btw 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫

Hey man..

I woke up right now and regretted everything so I deleted it. Most of it. Honestly maybe I shouldn't vent publically like this, like what's the point you know🥹 (teary smile emoji) I always end up regretting that someone else might have to go and read my sad/angry/ etc thoughts. Maybe for most of this some kind of personal diary online would be better but not a Blog. I think I WILL do it. It's better than worrying everyone alternately for weeks when actually, I just catastrophize a LOT.

And yeah now that I've slept I feel more clearer. TBH on Sunday and Saturday I did do two things that was watching a movie with my friend and going to a wedding. And yes I couldn't run through the gauntlet of all 4 subjects but I managed to get small works done. I think it's me seeing it as, well if I don't finish it ALL then why should the small accomplishments matter, you know. I just really need to accept I'm not built like a literal clockwork machine. Why, I might even have mental issues preventing me. Even that is a hard task because well -to be truly honest- it's just kind of what I grew up with, right? All the years of degradation and subsequent self-degradation. And it STILL feels like if I don't give it my 100% everyday, I'm basically dead.

And I dislike the idea of telling my teachers or anyone. You know my parents are Never an option. The academic output I DO manage to give out is enough so far so. Like why should they believe me. I guess the place where all of these issues go to hinge is on my therapist and on my friends ...

But it's not...I don't know. Don't want to overwhelm you people. It's probably better for me as well if sometimes instead of just going all in with those bad feelings, I just, like, did something else to get it out. And ...

WOW rambling again. Look I just want to say thanks for taking the time to send me messages like this when you can see I'm down. Still I will Try to remember that someone is concerned for me and I'll try to cast away the notion that things as they are, are unchangeable( a very strong idea when I'm distressed )-- and I know I don't always respond but I do always see them. I don't want, your words to go nowhere. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to you better soon.

Thanks Ayas.

#Ask

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featherlinneasart · 11 months

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Welp I am super relaxed after finishing my 72h of work/studies for this week! (mind you I am unemployed, studying up and working on stuff to self employ in a couple months) Personal note: Haven't really managed that before, but that aside, sleep schedule has been adjusted, switched fasting to 8/16, going on a 20 min walk minimum per day, and dietary restrictions I set. Absolutely estatic that I managed my work week without skipping a single subject, sure some where spent less much time and/or effort on but I still got to them! Probably helpful that I am done moping lol Mostly anyway haha I got lots of family drama, and issues I think about too much, my lack of discipline wasn't helping. Not to mention how many times my work usually gets interrupted, past weeks certainly were a mess. Well since I am not sick with a cold this month (what a shock after 2023 has made me sick once a month every month haha) and I am actually being uninterrupted (yet paranoid of my doorbell and my phone), I could actually get some work done. These hours for anyone that is curious are 12 different subjects, so I don't work/study more then 1 hour per subject. The subjects are also not the same on day 2. It switches between day 1 and 2 rythm, for a 6 day week. So basically get to most topics 3h a week, spaced out to every second day, so I can get to everything without getting bored or overwhelmed. Though saying it be 24 subjects is not true, more like 20, because 4 subjects I am doing everyday, for example art, sewing, my art school studies and blender, because those need most of my attention. Well art not necessarily, but eh. Sounds confusing? Eh, I got all my plans written down and oh- pattern of the day is by the way, 6h work, then 2h break, then 6h again and finish the rest of the day with 2h break and then go to bed. Of course 72h isn't accurate, but I got those hours to work in it, might snack here and there, might finish what I wanted to do sooner etc, I do take breaks when I need 'em. --- So yeah, I am absolutely relaxed after finishing my work week, for the first time like this. No skipping, do get distracted, but no where near as much as usually, and now... Just gonna see if I can keep it up. In the very least I progressed and learned lots this week. For anyone who wants to see when I actually make progress, I do have a little tumblr blog, which I have over 300 entries on. Although plenty have no progress lol, but this week was plenty. https://featherlinneaprogress.tumblr.com/ Password: Cn#3xX?1n Well also unlike prior, I can finally say no to my family in regards doing them favours, which has not come up yet, but like bro I'mma do my work instead. You could say I ain't very fond of my family, except my brother of course. But eh, this year is still a lot better then last year. And like I have trying schedules like this for a while, I just finally managed to do it completely, so I am super proud. And it is not like I wasn't already eased into it, gradually I did things prior, and now properly. Just gotta see how next week goes.

#oc #fursona #original character #fursona sketch #sketch #digital art #digital sketch #art

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jamesbuchananxsteviegrant · 3 years

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I Pick the TV Show, Rogers Shuts His Cake-Hole | Bucky x Steve x Reader (Angst, Fluff)

Category: Angst, Fluff (Suggested) Age: 14+ Trigger Warnings: none, other than the standard explicit language Ship: Bucky x Steve x Reader Summary: Steve Snaps At Reader When He’s Stressed, Resulting In Her Being Very Upset Request: "can u write where steve/bucky is overwhelmed with something and when reader asks to help or is telling them to relax they snap at reader and reader is hurt which makes them feel really bad afterwards. thank you sm. i love ur writings. and this is anon right? is it alright if u dont post my response if its not anon? im sorry. thank you so much. ur blog always pictures great stucky imagines. 💗💗💗" Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 2,488

---

A given, the super-soldier had been on nonstop missions for the last month or so, but she thought she was helping him feel better, not making him feel worse.

“Would you like anything to eat, Stevie? You’ve barely moved all day.” (Y/N)’s voice is small. Quiet.

She’s leaning through the door of his study where he’s sat putting together his mission reports from the last three or four missions he’s been out on.

He shakes his head but doesn’t even turn to look at her.

Sighing, the woman walks further into the room where her boyfriend is slouched over the desk.

“You gotta take a break, Stevie.” She whispers, resting her hands on his shoulders.

She notices the way they tense up, but he still remains silent.

His fingers continue to write up his report on the laptop.

“I’m worried about you, Stevie; talk to me.”

“I’m busy, (Y/N).”

“I know you are, baby, but you’ve gotta look after yourself too.” She attempts, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. He pulls away.

The woman furrows her brows.

“Steve, please, you’ve got to-”

“(Y/N), just stop!”

The shout is sudden and it makes her flinch back away from the man as he turns to face her.

“I’m fine, alright?! I don’t need you babying me all the time!”

She doesn’t respond for a second, surprised at her lover’s outburst.

He says nothing more, simply turns back to the laptop and continues typing away.

“Steve, look how stressed you are. Can you please just-”

“STOP! Okay?! Just stop! Leave me the fuck alone while I finish these neverending mission reports. For once in your life can you just understand that not everything is about you?!”

(Y/N) swears that being shot in the heart wouldn’t hurt half as much as the words that just came out of the man’s mouth.

Her mouth opens and closes as if searching for the right words to say, but that hurt.

Is she really that bad? Is that the truth behind all of this? That she’s clingy? Thinks everything is about her? That was never her intention. (Y/N) is well aware of how important being an Avenger is. Hell, she is an Avenger, for Christ’s sakes.

She says nothing more and leaves the room.

She can’t even decide if she feels sad. No. She’s not sad, she’s not angry, she’s not… anything.

Numb.

Naturally, her feet lead her to their room. Steve’s room. They all basically share the super soldier’s abode since they all got together, but right now she doesn’t dare open the door.

Doing a full one-eighty spin, (Y/N) takes herself back to a place she barely touches anymore. Her room.

It’s pretty empty. Most of her clothes are in Steve’s room, in her own walk-in wardrobe. Her bed is perfectly made from the last time she slept in here - maybe a year ago?

The woman walks around her bed and straight onto her bedroom balcony, overlooking the lake at the back of the compound, and stays there. For three-hours. Until Bucky comes looking for her.

He came home from his mission about thirty-minutes ago only to find their shared room of Steve’s empty. He searched just about everywhere, completely clueless.

“FRIDAY, where’s (Y/N) and Steve?” He finally gives in.

“Captain Rogers is in study five, and Agent (L/N) is in her private quarters.”

Now that makes the brunet furrow his brows.

Why would (Y/N) be in her room and not his or Steve’s?

He prioritises finding (Y/N) first, knowing Steve will be writing up mission reports, no doubt.

Despite them being together for over six-years now, he hesitates when reaching for the handle of her bedroom door. Instead, the man opts to knock.

No answer.

“(Y/N)?” Nothing. “Doll, it’s me; can I come in?” Nothing.

Bucky tries the door handle and finds it unlocked, yet still hesitates.

“Baby?” He calls out. Again, nothing.

He’s cautious now. Scared.

Her room looks as untouched as the last time he saw it, which was a few months back when she was after one of her plushies.

“(Y/N)?”

It’s when he feels the chill of the midnight winds ruffle his hair that he realises her balcony doors aren’t fully closed.

Striding straight over, his eyes widen at the sight of his girlfriend curled up in the corner of the outdoor area, crying.

“(Y/N), baby, hey, what’s wrong?!”

Bucky immediately drops to his knees in front of the woman, reaching for her hands and gently tugging them away from her tear-stained face.

“(Y/N), doll, look at me.” His voice is gentle. Soothing.

She does almost instantly but her sadness stays.

“What happened, baby? Are you hurt?”

The fear and sincerity in his voice is enough to prompt the woman to shake her head. Yes, she’s hurting emotionally, but he needs confirmation that she’s not dying.

The woman immediately sees the relief take over his features, but he’s still concerned.

“What’s wrong, doll?”

Her eyes stray away from his, not wanting to tell him what’s got her so upset.

“Hey, no, look at me, baby,” He whispers, hand lightly grasping at her chin to raise her face back up to his. “What’s got you so worked up, (Y/N)?”

Another shake of her head as she tries to escape her lover’s hold.

“Baby, please, you’re scaring me.”

Her face contorts into something close to heartbreak as she wants nothing more than to reassure the man in front of her.

“It’s okay, Buck.”

“It’s not okay! Doll, I haven’t seen you cry since Stevie nearly died on that mission in Ohio like two-years-ago! Talk to me.”

She takes a deep breath and wipes her face of the shedding tears.

“Do you want me to get Stevie?”

The question is innocent and makes sense, but her eyes widen and she shakes her head desperately.

“No! No, please, no.”

That truly makes the super soldier concerned.

“Doll, please can you tell me what’s happened?”

Never in the last eight-years that Bucky and (Y/N) have known each other has she been so reluctant to see Steve.

Another sob escapes her and it’s breaking his heart.

“Baby, please.”

“Steve got mad at me, alright?!” She manages an attempted shout. “I just wanted him to look after himself.”

“What happened? What did Steve do?”

He’s concerned. Massively.

“I was trying to get him to eat; he hasn’t eaten properly in so long. He’s so overworked and he’s hung up on all these mission reports. He told me that not everything was about me - shouted at me; told me to stop.” She’s whimpering and sniffling again now. “Please get him to eat something, James.”

That last sentence is the one that crushes him. She’s upset, yeah, but above all that, she’s still worried about the blond super soldier.

“Come on, baby, let’s go to our room and get into bed, yeah? I’ll go and speak to Stevie.”

Her eyes meet his and she looks scared, but the ocean blue gaze that he returns makes her bound to his every command.

The woman nods.

“Okay.”

“That’s my girl.”

With the help of the Winter Soldier, (Y/N) manages to stand up, letting him lead her out of her private room and into their shared one of Steve’s.

“Here, let’s get you into your PJs, yeah?”

He doesn’t leave room for negotiation as he helps his girlfriend strip out of her casual dress and into one of his oversized t-shirts.

“You get snuggled up in bed, doll. I’m going to go and get Stevie, okay?”

He hates how she looks nervous at the mention of their other lover’s name.

“He loves you more than words can describe, baby girl, I promise you. He shouldn’t have lashed out at you, I’m gonna talk to him, okay?”

A hesitant nod and forced smile is enough for now.

“I’ll be back shortly, I promise.” He leans over and gives the woman a kiss on the lips, leaving her with one of her favourite shows playing on the TV.

“Bucky,” Her choked up voice calls out just before he leaves.

The man turns from his place in the doorway.

“I love you.”

The smile that takes over his expression is contagious.

“I love you too, baby girl. More than anything.”

Despite his reassurance to the woman, he’s pretty damn pissed for a number of reasons about Steve losing his cool with their girl. Reason number one being, how dare he? Reason number two being, he knows better than to overwork, yet here we are.

Bucky doesn’t even knock once he approaches the glass doors of the study where Steve is sat typing away on the laptop.

The blond doesn’t even glance up to see who entered. He barely heard the door open which enrages Bucky further.

The brunet slams the lid of the laptop shut without saying a word, prompting Steve’s head to shoot up, glaring daggers at whoever has interrupted him.

“What the fuck, James?!”

That makes Bucky really get annoyed.

“Are you serious right now, Rogers?”

“I’m in the middle of about seven different mission reports, Buck, I’ve gotta finish them.” The man sighs, going to open the lid of the PC once more, only for Bucky to hold it down. “James, seriously,”

“No. What you need to do is explain to me why our girlfriend has been crying for the last God-knows how many hours?”

That makes Steve snap back to reality.

“What? (Y/N) has been crying? Is she okay?”

Bucky literally rolls his eyes at that.

“Are you fucking serious, Steve?” He repeats, Steve looking confused, expression contorting as he realises that his boyfriend is seriously angry at him.

“Bucky, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”

The Winter Soldier’s head lolls back as he groans in frustration.

“You seriously have no idea?” He asks, rhetorically, watching Steve look almost scared. “Do you often shout at your girlfriend and forget it happened?”

Cap’s eyes widen at that, and he visibly gulps.

“What?”

“She came in here to make sure you were looking after yourself, which you weren’t, by the way, and you tell her that not everything is about her?! Are you fucking stupid, Steve?!”

He remembers it all too well in that moment, turning his head down to avoid the frustrated glare of his male lover.

“No. No, you don’t get to look away from me. Look at me.” Bucky demands, watching the blond super soldier reluctantly do so. “I come home from my own exhausting mission, search for (Y/N) for thirty-minutes, and find her crying her God-damn heart out on the balcony of HER room; not our room, Steve, no. Her room.”

Steve’s heart shatters and his eyes widen once more.

(Y/N) hates staying in her room. She’d always be in his or Bucky’s without a doubt.

“I- Buck-”

Bucky shakes his head and stands back upright as Steve is lost for words.

“I’m not mad at you, Steve. I get it, you know? You’ve been overworking for the last month, I know you’re stressed, but fuck, baby, you can’t hurt her like that. Do you know how much my heart fucking shattered when I saw her curled up in the corner of her own God-damn balcony?! It tore me apart. She hasn’t cried since you nearly fuckin-” Bucky chokes on his own word as he walks away from his lover.

“I’m sorry! Buck, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have let Fury send me on that many missions, I- I should’ve said no. I’m sorry.” Steve attempts, standing up and following the brunet, turning him around to face him once more.

“It’s not me you need to be apologising to, Stevie.”

Captain America nods and leans up to press a kiss to the man’s lips.

“I’m sorry, James.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and forces a smile.

“I forgive you. Of course I forgive you, I know you didn’t mean it, but I swear to God, if you hurt her again…”

Steve is already shaking his head.

“I wouldn’t dream of either of you getting hurt. Where is she?”

“Our room.”

He nods and begins heading toward the woman to which he owes more than he can give.

The door is half ajar when Steve gets there, he slowly opens it to reveal his girlfriend in all her glory, curled up under their Captain America themed duvet - which Sam bought the trio as a joke last Christmas. Her face is clear-as-day red from her earlier upset, and it breaks his heart.

The man knocks gently on the day as if not to startle the poor girl.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He offers a solemn smile when she turns to see who’s there.

He hates the way he can see her hesitation to speak to him as opposed to her usual squeal of his name, arms opening wide to welcome him into her cuddle-fest.

“Hi.” She manages, forcing her own smile.

There’s silence floating between them, the only sound being Jensen Ackles, in his role of Dean Winchester, talking a load of nonsense about pie on the TV that’s streaming Supernatural.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” Steve manages, taking a step toward the bed. “Nothing can excuse the way I yelled at you, and I’m so sorry for that, but, sweetheart, trust me when I say I didn’t mean it. I was so stupidly stressed, and I should never have let it get to that point.”

She nods, truly believing his words, but it still hurt.

The blond sits down on the edge of the bed, not daring to cuddle his girlfriend until she��s comfortable.

“I love you so much, (Y/N) (L/N).”

A bigger smile taints her lips at that.

“I love you too, Steven.” Her voice is barely a whisper but he hears it clear as day.

“Can I hold you?”

(Y/N) smiles and shakes her head as if he was being silly.

“You never need to ask permission for that, Stevie. No matter what.”

With another sad smile, he pulls the woman into his arms and holds her tighter than ever before.

“I’m so sorry, my love.”

“I forgive you, but no more missions for a while.” She whispers.

“Yes, boss.”

Bucky’s leaning against the doorframe, watching the interaction. He took a detour to Tony’s office and made sure to give the billionaire a piece of his mind about making sure Fury didn’t have Steve on any missions for a long time.

“Is this the last episode?” The brunet speaks up, stripping himself of his clothes as he enters their room properly.

“Yeah.” (Y/N) nods.

“I still think we should watch Vampire Diaries instead.” Steve chuckles, mirroring Bucky’s actions.

“I pick the TV show, Rogers shuts his cake-hole.” (Y/N) teases, mocking a line from Supernatural and snuggling herself in the middle of the bed, sandwiched between the two super soldiers - where she belongs. “I love you both.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

“Love you always, doll.”