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footballcloud · 3 years

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Familiar - Anyone You’d Like

Unlucky today baby, when do you think you'll be home? xxx

delivered - 17:58

read - 18:02

It was a familiar feeling for you. Being ignored. It'd begun to become the norm meaning that loneliness had also begun to seep in. His team had suffered a heavy defeat, something else that was also becoming familiar for him and that meant you spent a large proportion of your time with him feeling like you were treading on eggshells. Although, you spent very little time together anymore, so at least he spared you that feeling. It was past 2 o'clock in the morning when he arrived home, from the 3 o'clock kick off but he seemed to be arriving back later and later each week which meant you were at home by yourself for longer and longer each week with only your phone for company. God knows what he was doing between leaving the ground and getting home. Your friends back home didn't cheer you up on FaceTime the same way a night out did but those had been few and far between recently.

As soon as he arrived home, he dropped his rucksack with a heavy thud by the door and closed it behind him. Brushing past you, he drank quickly from a glass of water that you'd left out for him in the hope it'd settle him down. You watched him as he drank it with his back turned to you, contemplating whether you should break the silence to try and console him but risk getting your head bitten off if he hadn't calmed down yet, or leave him to simmer for a while and speak to him in the morning. It wasn't a rarity for the two of you to go for days without speaking to each other despite living under the same roof and sharing a bed. You were working or he was training, away with the team or on his Xbox.

"How are you feeling?" You asked tentatively, being able to feel his anger radiating off him even with is back still turned to you. "Fucking fantastic thanks", he made a snide, sarcastic remark and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve before refilling up his cup, "and don't tell me that bollocks about 'it's always better to talk things out', because not. You're the last person I want to speak to". He added abruptly, imitating your voice for a second or two before slamming his glass down on the kitchen worktop. His word stabbed through you like a knife in your back, but it was the last sentence that provided the fatal blow. It wasn't like you to lose it with him, you were definitely the calmer one out of the two, but even you were on the verge of losing it.

"If you don't want to talk to me now, when were you planning on speaking to me?" You raised your voice slightly as he turned round to face you and gave a pathetic shrug as if to say 'I don't know'. "Because if you're not planning on talking to me, then there's no point in me being here. You dragged me half way across the country for what? For you to ignore me, stay out until stupid hours of the morning and throw a tantrum like a child when I ask where you've been?" You snort scornfully, feeling your temper rising in your stomach but you didn't feel the need to suppress it given that's all you did around him.

"Jesus fucking Christ, lay off it will you? If it's so much of a chore to be here with me then go back home!" He folded his arms over his chest, vein pulsing prominently on the side of his neck which showed his heart rate pick up as his bit back at you. "Why can't you see the position that I'm in? Take yourself out of your stupid footballer bubble and see the bigger picture for a second. I've dropped everything for you to be here. Friends, family, degree, but you haven't even got the decency to acknowledge me!" You were somewhere between tears and about to erupt with anger. You needed to stop yourself from saying something you’d regret in a few hours time but there were some things that you needed to get off your chest because they’d be brewing in your head for a while. He’d certainly changed since he’d moved clubs, you weren’t sure if it was the bigger pay cheque, larger media following, heavier pressure on him from playing at a higher level or possibly a mixture of all of them - but he definitely wasn’t the same person you’d started dating almost three years ago now.

“All I see is someone being needy for attention”, he snarled which was the final straw for you so you took yourself off to the spare bedroom, not even able to look at him without his face making you distraught and a little teary, let alone share a bed with him. Your relationship had never been perfect, he’d blow hot and cold with you occasionally, dipping in and out of commitment without a second thought leaving you feeling like you were on the outside, never really knowing where you stood with him from time to time when he would give you the cold shoulder but cuddle you for a hour the next day. You weren’t perfect either, not being able to grasp how someone was so carefree, causing you to occasionally making a decision out of impulse rather than thinking through the consequences before hand, meaning an argument would escalate even more when he frustrated you. It was times like that when you had your biggest doubts. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for hours on end, trying to work out what you’d done to irritate him that time. The fact he was so carefree was beginning to become a reoccurring theme, possibly the root of the problem was that was he didn’t really care, or at least he acted like he didn’t. He was becoming inconsiderate and you were becoming tired of it.

The morning after wasn’t much better. The atmosphere was still heavy with tension that could you virtually cut with the knife you were buttering your toast with. He was across the kitchen from you, making a mug of tea with his back turned to you but you could tell from his posture alone that he was tired with his shoulders slumped. After last night’s fiasco, you’d learnt not to break the silence and get your head bitten off, you’d said all you felt you needed to without going too far and really doing some damage.

“Did you mean what you said last night?” He spoke, sleep evident in his voice as he threw the teabag in the bin. “Which bit?” You asked, not entirely sure as to which part if the argue argument he was picking at, there was quite a lot to go through. “When you were going on about the point in you being here?” He reminded of the events that’s you’d spent hours trying to block out your mind. You had two options: say yes and risk World War 3 taking place over the kitchen island or say no and bottle up your feelings again like you’d been doing for months. “Yeah... I did”, you confessed, chose the first options and watched his face sink. ‘Oh fuck’, you thought, ‘that wasn’t the answer he wanted’ - his emotions plastered on his face flung you into a world of guilt as he stared solemnly into his mug.

“Would you go back home?” He asked, not breaking his gaze with his drink to make eye contact with you. You wanted him to know how you truly felt but without hurting him, even though he’d spent months unintentionally hurting you. “I’ve considered it”, you spilt to him, “only occasionally when I’m overthinking things. You know when your deep in thought in the middle of the night and everything seems a billion times worse than it actual is”, you added, trying to reason with him to soften the blow and being careful not to add insult to injury. Yet last night, thinking about it didn’t make it any worse, instead just putting things into perspective and you were seriously considering taking a break and going back home. “I don’t think either of us are in a state to talk about”, you watched him yawn as your eyelids felt heavy, the adrenalin rush from the argument clearly took a told on your quality of sleep.

“We can’t just keep brushing it under the carpet”, he said matter-of-factly as if he hadn’t been acting like a child 8 hours ago, he was hardly a martyr. “Why are you so desperate to talk now?” You impulsively blurted and then instantly regretted it. It sounded far more facetious than you intended whilst he lent against the kitchen island as you waited for his reaction. ‘Fucking hell’, you scolded yourself for being such a bitch, whilst your boyfriend stood opposite you - practically a ticking time bomb with the end result probably him throwing hands and storming off again, but on this occasion it was probably deserved after the snide comment.

“I can’t be under a roof with you knowing that your unhappy with me, something needs to change”, he took a sip of his tea and nodded calmly, changing the subject, not giving the reaction you expected but you certainly weren’t complaining. “Tell me, what is it specifically that you makes you unhappy because I can tell somethings wrong”, he made eye contact with you, with bags under his eyes and glaze behind them that told you he was upset too. “It’s the blowing hot and cold, staying out late, mood swings...”, your voice tailed off towards the end. You could’ve rambled on and listed a whole host of things that annoyed you but you didn’t want to overwhelm him given that sensitive conversations like that were few and far between.

“The team’s been struggling at the moment, you know I haven’t quite got the hang of a work - life balance yet. I try not to bring it all home to you, babe, I swear but sometimes I can’t help it”, he babbled on aimlessly for a bit but it was the nickname that softened you, making you relax in your seat and smile slightly. At least it had given you some clarity that it was nothing you’d done to upset him. “It’s fine, calm down we can work through it”, you reassured him as he started to get worked up about what he had and hadn’t been doing over the past few months, and whilst the situation hadn’t been ‘fine’ the fact he wasn’t totally oblivious to your feelings anyone made things better. The two of you sat in silence for a while, him sipping on his drink and you nibbling your toast which had gone cold by that point.

“You gonna eat that?” He asked, eyeing up the half eaten piece of toast on your plate. You just shook your head which he basically took as an invite to finish it for you. “I love you, you know that right?” He whispered and swallowed the toast before giving you a kiss on the side of your head, no doubt leaving toast crumbs there as well. You leaned your head on his shoulder for a few moments, enjoying the blissful silence between the two you that, for once, wasn’t awkward or tense.

“You know the first thing we can sort out?” You lifted your head and faced him, who nodded eagerly

“What?”

“Your morning breath, go and clean your teeth”, you held your nose mockingly and pointed to the stairs, telling his to go to the bathroom. He furrowed his eyebrows in dismay and kissed your lips despite your resistance although it hadn’t being particularly strong given you’d had very little physical contact, that you were oh-so familiar with, it was definitely something you’d missed.

~ tell me who you imagined it with, hope you enjoyed it 💕

#ben chilwell #jack grealish #jason sancho #kai havertz #dele #james maddison #harry winks #dominic calvert lewin #eric dier #marcus rashford #mason mount #christian pulisic #footballer imagine #football imagine #premier league

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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years

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More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Dealers

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murfeelee · 3 years

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Simblr Asks - TS3

Saw these questions by Teauke on my dash, and y’all know I love talking/ranting about The Sims; let’s go! ^0^

1. how big is your mods folder?

That’s my mods folder with only mods/hacks/overrides; no CAS or build/buy CC installed. It’s a miracle that nothing conflicts, at least not as far as I can tell.

2. how would you describe your style? A sporadic mix of tv/gaming fandom-inspired conversions and recreations, of mostly fanciful and/or cultural themes & genres.

3. What is your favorite challenge? I’m a builder at heart, so I love recreating lots and interiors. Challenges where we find IRL rooms/scenes and remake them in TS3 are always the most fun for me.

4. do you make cc? if so, what kind? I make fanciful & cultural custom content (occult, sci-fi, boho, etc). I make CAS CC sometimes, but I prefer making buy/build CC.

5. what type of cc do you hoard? Not everything, but a lot. As creators retire and links die, I’m even more paranoid than I already was that CC will no longer be available anywhere.

6. what default eyes and skin do you use? I don’t use default-replacement skintones, but I do use Buhudain’s You Are Real mod.

As for eye defaults, I absolutely love Moonskin’s Shiny Glass replacements.

7. how many urls have you had, and what are the meanings behind them? All of my simming URLs on MTS, TSR, the officials, and Tumblr are some variation of my first name, Murfee Lee. Because yes, I am that darn creative.

8. who is your favorite gameplay blog? 9. who is your favorite storytelling blog? Ugh, there are too many good ones out there.

10. who is your favorite cc creator? All of my favorite creators retired years ago: DyM/Hekate999 (fantasy build/buy), Parsimonious (everything), Luna (everything build/buy), Qingshuangtongzi (Asian everything), Amethyst (Asian CAS), Art-Sims (CAS everything), etc. I swear, the day Sandy/ATS3 (everything build/buy) retires is the day I’m having a panic attack.

11. how do you edit your photos? Badly. Tweak the brightness & contrast and call it a effing day.

12. what is the last screenshot you took? It’s a surprise.

13. what do you do when you are unmotivated? I am never “unmotivated,” so much as I am distracted. I think the reason I’ve simmed so long is strictly because I’m always inspired by fandoms. If I get distracted by a tv/game, it becomes my next muse (aka current obsession). It’s not that I get unmotivated to finish the old stuff I pretty much abandon, it’s just that there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want. Sometimes I return to older saves/gameplay. Most times I don’t though--unless someone messages me wanting to see it again (and that’s effing rare).

14. who is your current favorite sim? Sakura and Nasir are my alltime favorite sims. But I must admit that I patted myself on the back pretty dang hard when I created Tsukihime-Sama for my Moon Medicine gameplay. I love every sim I made for that gameplay (which I really need to finish one day, ugh), but my Lunar Moth Goddess? 👌

15. who is your current favorite sim that is not by you? Every sim that @obscurus-noctem is out here sacrificing goats in order to create. It’s just disgusting how pretty everything on their blog is. Those mersims? Those graphics? That editing? Makes me effing sick.

16. recreate someone else’s sim in your style. I think I saw a challenge like this a few months/years ago, but never did it. But I DID do the Picrew version.

17. do you talk about sims with people in real life? One of my professors plays SimCity. Naturally, we bonded over how wack EA is. ^_^

18. how many of the packs do you own? All of them, except the Stuff Packs. Barring Fast Lane and Movie Stuff, none of the other SPs are worth the price; it’s just build/buy/CAS CC any MaxisMatch creator.could make for free. I’ve always felt that way about SPs, which is why I never bothered with them in TS1 or TS2 either. I will say though, that TS4′s SPs are something else entirely, which brings me to #24 (see below).

19. how many posts do you have on your blog currently? 2764. JESUS.

20. how many drafts do you have on your blog currently? 363. U_U And most of those are CC sets & gameplay posts I never finished.

21. how many posts are in your queue currently? It’s a secret. ^_^

22. have you ever moved blogs? Never. I never even changed my theme or URL.

23. are you in any sims related discord servers? Yes, the Creators Cave, but I effing hate Discord; it’s just a royal pain to navigate, IMO.

24. what are your thoughts on the most recent pack? (paranormal) Speaking of Stuff Packs!

RANT ALERT!

If anything, TS4′s SPs are doing way too much (adding new gameplay, careers, lifestates/NPCs, lots, etc!? WUT.) Or rather, its EPs aren’t doing nearly enough. I love that TS4′s SPs add meaningful content. But if they’re raising their bar, that means the Expansion Packs need to rise by the same degree, to stay relevant, if anything.

But EA, in their infinite ineptitude, seems to be scaling back with their EPs! Cutting what should be 1 cohesive EP into multiple SPs & GPs piecemeals the content and cheats people out of money, by having us pay more for less! The TS4 SPs do a lot, yes, but now let’s talk about the Paranormal SP for example:

Paranormal Stuff does perhaps the most any SP in The Sims 1/2/3/4 ever has, and has by far the most worth for its money...but at a dire cost:

- the career only has 5 levels instead of 10 (thus being nowhere as deep as TS3′s combination of the Ambition EP’s Ghost Hunter and the Store’s crystal ball--which links with the Supernatural EP’s Spellcasting skill)

the crystal ball is a 1-trick pony

unlocking Bonehilda is tied to grinding skill/career levels, only for her to do EFF ALL once she finally arrives (and her face looks like melted cookie dough WTF)

most of the gameplay is tied to the pack’s new lot/venue

and the ghosts are still meh

So rather than TS4 having an actual Supernatural EP, instead it has the ok-but-disappointing Realm of Magic Game Pack (which I’ve already ranted about), the watered-down Paranormal Stuff Pack, and the INCREDIBLY OP Vampires Game Pack (which I’ve salivated over). That’s already $40--the cost of TS3′s Supernatural Expansion Pack, mind you--but with the glaringly absent inclusion of Fairies, Werewolves, AND Zombies. O_O WHAT THE HELL, EA. To get the full Supernatural experience in TS4 is gonna end up running people not $40, but perhaps DOUBLE, if werewolves & fairies get their own GPs (unless EA waters them down in SPs, which would still be anywhere from $50-60). EA is robbing people blind.

25. how many hours have you played sims? I have no idea, no doubt thousands.

26. if you play gameplay, do you play with mods? See #1 above

27. what’s the farthest you’ve gotten in a challenge? See #3 above.

Thanks for reading!

#simblr #the sims 3 #the sims 4 #ts3 #TS4 #EA you suck #questionnaire #RANT ALERT

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lazymilkshakecolor · 3 years

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Uncharted

Disclaimer: these characters don’t belong to me, they belong to the Naruto series created by Masashi Kishimoto.

(I’m baaacckkkk)

Summary: At 20 years old, Sarada had done everything she ever dreamed of, conquered all her demons, went to hell and back, but there is one more territory that she left uncharted...till now. (Borusara, Sasusaku)

Sarada had fought aliens, she had protected the village singlehandedly from it’s biggest threat yet, she created a jutsu even her dad’s genius have deemed impossible to achieve, she even managed to see what was under Kakashi’s mask, a feat she is proud of but refuses to admit to anyone what was the price.

Kakashi had already promised to take that secret to his grave, not that she’d ever admit that she was a fan of the Icha Icha series, and possessed a first edition copy of the book that kicked off the series, which she spent three S ranked missions worth of ryo on, only to be traded a few months later with Kakashi.

Totally worth it. Sarada thought

But something as silly as-

Sarada felt her cheeks burn up, not able to even think of what happened without turning completely red.

And now here she is, standing outside her mother’s office for what seemed like hours, attempting to knock for the hundredth time but stopping at the final moment cause she had no idea what to tell her mom.

Sakura had always been Sarada’s best friend, well adult best friend, she always listened to her, giving advice when she asked. To a younger Sarada her mother appeared the wisest, having an answer to everything. Now a 20 year old, Sarada knows that is far from the truth, and that there are many subjects her mother still falters in, nonetheless, she is still a third of the strongest shinobi team ever.

Come on, just do it already, shanaro!

So Sarada took a deep breath and raised her fist to knock, this time determined to do it, until the door flew open in front of her, revealing her mother, with a questioning look on her face.

‘’You’ve been standing outside my door for more than five minutes Sarada.’’ Sakura said, looking at her daughter up and down, accessing for damages, but she couldn’t find anything unusual, other than her reddening face.

‘’I-well I wanted t-to Talk.’’ Sarada stuttered out, mentally berating herself for stuttering like that.

Why do I feel like I've been caught with my hand in a cookie jar?

Confusion was apparent on Sakura’s face as she stepped aside, making way for her red in the neck daughter to pass through before closing the door behind her.

‘’Last time I saw you in this state you asked me if i was pregnant.’’ Sakura said in an attempt to help her daughter relax.

It was 8 years ago when Sarada confronted her parents with the deduction that her mother was pregnant, after noticing that she came home from the hospital early most days, even earlier than the time she arrived home from her daily missions or training sessions and her usually energetic mother was always a bit tired at those times too, her dad changing Boruto’s training schedule to be home at that time didn’t help her assumptions either, thinking he needed that time to take care of her and be by her mother’s side.

Of course Sarada got the fright of her life when Sakura thought that she was saying she gained weight before she explained her reasons for thinking she was pregnant, in which an amused Sasuke intervened that they just decided to dedicate some time to be spent alone. It wasn’t till a couple years later that Sarada caught on to what they meant.

Sarada shuddered at the thought.

‘’Hey I had sufficient reasons to believe so!’’ Sarada blurted out.

‘’Just like you had sufficient reasons to believe I wasn’t your mother.’’ Sakura responded.

She loved her daughter to bits, but detective work was not her forte.

Sarada had the decency to not respond to that, changing the subject instead.

‘’So...something happened…’’ she started, trailing off.

‘’Hm?’’ Sakura leaned forward in her chair, leaning her head on her hands as she gave a small smile to Sarada, a silent way to remind her that she can tell her anything.

‘’Between Boruto and I…’’ Sarada finally continued, fidgeting her hands and gazing at the floor, but she still took glances at her mom, enough to see her look of confusion turn into one of understanding, and maybe even a bit of smugness.

You sure you and Boruto are just friends…? Sarada could almost hear her mother utter that question again, she used to ask her that as far back as the academy days and Sarada of course vehemently denied.

‘’I see…,’’ Sakura said, raising up from her seat behind the desk to sit in front of Sarada on the guest chairs, ‘’Want to tell me what happened?’’

Sarada shook her head, to which Sakura sighed but couldn’t help the small smile that made its way to her lips.

Sometimes she’s just like Sasuke…

‘’Okay then, how do you feel about whatever it is that happened?’’

‘’Confused.’’ Sarada answered immediately. Her eyes were not daring to lift from the floor.

‘’Other than that?’’ Sakura prodded, reaching for her daughter's damaged hand before continuing, ‘’happy? Sad? Mad?’’

Sarada took a moment before answering, “ Happy,...and kinda scared and maybe relieved too…”, her gaze lifting only slightly to meet her mom’s comforting green eyes, then moved to their intertwined hands, getting a flashback to a time a month back. She could still feel the burning pain on her arm, Shizune-san was trying her best to heal it, damage it has suffered being extensive, so extensive an ugly burn scar was still apparent across her arm, while Sakura was holding her hand tightly, kinda like she is now.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’I was relieved cause I thought that he feels the same way.’’ Sarada admitted, knowing fully well the weight of what she just admitted for the first time.

Sakura smiled at her daughter’s words, opening her mouth to say something before someone interrupted.

‘’Sakura- Sama!” Sakura’s assistant barged into the office.

‘’How many times to I have to tell you to fucking knock you dumbass!” Sakura yelled, standing up and glaring at him.

Immediately, he took a couple of steps back, sweat trickling down his face as Sakura continued to glare at him.

Sarada almost pitied the poor man, her mother had a glare that would make her dad cower, other than the fact that that same man was subject to her father’s glare the many times he interrupted their time at home for hospital emergencies.

‘’I’m sorry Sakura sama! But the Suna delegate is here to check up on your joint medic training program, he said he came early because it’s predicted a sand storm will come in the coming hours..’’ He said, taking more steps backwards.

Sakura took a deep breath before she shot Sarada an apologetic look.

‘’I’m sorry Sarada, we’ll continue this talk tonight okay?’’ Sakura said, leaning down to plant a kiss on her daughter’s forehead and poking it as she leant away, but not before whispering something in her ear.

Sarada watched as her mother left the office, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

What the hell does follow your heart supposed to mean?! Mom’s as cryptic as always, shanaro!

Sarada got out of her mother’s office then straight to her favorite sweets shop, planning on mulling over what her mother told her while sipping through a cup of tea along with her fav dango.

But nothing is that easy in Sarada’s life, cause as soon as she stepped into the sweets shop she found her father at the counter.

Great, this is a new level of bad luck, what are the odds that I’d encounter Sasuke fucking Uchiha in a sweets shop.

But nonetheless, Sarada found herself smiling as she walked towards him, feeling the same joy she always felt when she saw him for the first time after a mission.

Of course his missions are a lot shorter, even so he still makes an effort to keep in contact, even using the cellphone Sakura got him all those years ago when he couldn’t send a hawk.

‘’Welcome home Papa.’’ Sarada said, beaming upwards at Sasuke, who offered a faint smile that wouldn’t be noticeable to anyone but her in this shop.

‘’Sarada.’’ He acknowledged, before turning to the lady at the counter and telling her to double his order and add two cups of tea to go, which they took for free.

‘’Anything for our hero.’’ The shop lady said, looking at Sarada fondly, who thanked her awkwardly, it’s been a month and she still hasn’t gotten used to this treatment from the village people.

A month since she felt truly alone on the battlefield, a month since she had felt like she was the only hope for hundreds of people, people which she swore she will protect and love since she was eleven, a month since she almost lost her arm, and a month since she saw the reason for her recent confusion.

As usual, her father doesn’t like to sit in public very much when has an option of going to a quiet place, which is where they were heading after his order was done and passing by an onigiri shop.

When they arrived at their usual destination, the forest in the Uchiha compound where Sasuke had taught Sarada the chidori and many other things, Sarada sat down on the ground and Sasuke followed after taking off his cloak.

This place used to frighten her, as a kid and as a teen, she knew no one will ever dare come here, this place somehow maintained its frightening aura even after being destroyed in pain’s attack, she knew that she shouldn’t be frightened of this place, because if circumstances were different, she would have lived here.

But she learned to feel at ease here, after her father took her to dock where his father taught him fire jutsu, where he taught her it too, then he showed her his childhood home, which somehow remained intact then finally took her to this forest, where he told her all kinds of stories about her uncle.

It wasn’t until she was 16 did she learn the whole truth, no thanks to her parents of course, she couldn’t blame them though, they are her parents, it’s their job to protect her, and the anguish she felt then rivals only the anguish of losing a loved one.

‘’I would have guessed that Boruto would have found you.’’ Sasuke said suddenly, in his usual monotone.

Sarada’s head snapped up, dango stick she was intently enjoying almost fell from her hand.

‘’Wha-why why would he find me?’’

Sasuke only looked at her with a look bordering on confusion.

‘’Isn’t that what he always does when he gets home from a mission?’’ Sasuke replied, gaze examining his daughter.

Sarada took a moment before she managed to muster a reply.

‘’Oh.’’

She could feel her cheeks turning red.

‘’Do you have a fever?’’He asked, which decreased Sarada’s mortification a bit cause at least her father is too clueless to notice this.

‘’Boruto might be under the weather too, his face was the same color as yours when we arrived home.’’

‘’What!? Really!?’’ Sarada exclaimed, her dango stick layed forgotten on the ground.

‘’I met up with him about a day away from Konoha,said he was on his way home from an important mission.’’ Sasuke said, a smirk still apparent on his face.

‘’Ohh,’’ Again that was all Sarada managed to say before continuing moments later,’’ He had to go on a mission a couple of days after that creep attacked Konoha.’’

Sasuke’s smirk again, this time out of pride rather than amusement, his daughter, the future of the Uchiha clan, stood up to an alien who wanted to destroy Konoha in vengeance of he and Naruto’s previous actions, both of them weren’t there, Sarada being the only thing that stood against them as Boruto went to free them from Kawaki’s seal.

‘’I know, though that doesn’t explain why his face turned to the same shade as yours right now when your name got brought up.’’ Sasuke said in a matter of fact way, almost sounding genuine.

But Sarada knew her father, knew that amused glint in his eyes, the way he smirks when he knows he’s on to something. She used to enjoy it when he was like that with her mother back when she was still getting used to him, but soon after he started teasing her too, even uniting with her mother against her, which often left Sarada a mumbling mess.

Sarada sighed, resigned to the fact that her father knew something was going on, focussing instead on the extent of his knowledge.

‘’Not funny papa.’’Sarada said, in the straightest tone she could manage.

‘’Hm.’’ Sasuke looked at Sarada’s half hearted glare, lips shaped into a pout and arms crossed, and suddenly all he could see was a younger version of Sakura.

She’s just like Sakura. He thought.

‘’You’ve been upset since I saw you.’’ Sasuke remarked, getting straight to the point.

At that Sarada’s shoulder slackened and her gaze went downwards for a few moments, but Sasuke didn’t pressure her, knowing that just like him, she needs time before talking.

A minute later she started to talk.

‘’Before Boruto went after Kawaki and I went to confront that creepy god like thing, we were together, and…,’’ Sarada took a breath before she continued her phrase, ‘’...We had a moment.’’ She admitted.

Sasuke raised his eyebrow slightly in an expression Sarada knows is curiosity, but as usual, he waited for her to continue instead of asking.

Other than the difficulty she faced when talking about this subject, she now has another difficulty in which she doesn’t know how her father would react to this particular thing.

Atleast with Mama I could predict her reaction…

Sasuke cleared his throat to get attention, taking the final bite from his onigiri pack.

Sarada seemed to get a bit of courage and looked at him, her mouth opening to say something but a moment later she reverted to her previous state, which is a blushing mess.

Sasuke sighed.

Definitely takes after her mother…

‘’Do you mean an intimate moment?’’ Sasuke asked, to which Sarada’s eyes widened, but she nodded.

‘’How intimate?’’

‘’Emmm…’’

‘’Sarada.’’

‘’He kissed me, and I kissed him back and before he left I poked his forehead like you do to Mama!’’

Sarada finally admitted for the first time since that day.

She could still feel it, still feel his lips on hers, still feel his skin’s warmth on her fingers, the feeling of pure passion and fire she felt when he looked at her, when he made her promise that she’ll be okay.

That was the last time she saw him, she knew from her mother that he stayed by her bedside the two first days of her unconsciousness, but he had to leave for an important mission, though he wouldn’t leave without making Sakura promise to write him a letter informing him of Sarada’s state.

Sarada woke up a week after he left, two days later, her father went on his mission.

‘’And why are you upset?’’ Her father’s voice took her out of her stupor.

‘’Cause this feels weird, I always knew I loved him, but I don’t know when it progressed to being in love with him, I expected love to be a strong feeling, but not like this, not this scary...not …’’ Sarada struggled for a moment as tears fell from her eyes, ‘’...intense and deep and passionate and-and...I’m scared cause this is the first time I feel like this, I’m scared cause this might ruin us, scared of feeling something so strong but....’’

Sasuke only stared at her, almost knowing what she would say next.

‘’I love him Papa.’’

Sasuke’s gaze softened, as he stood up from his seat and went towards his sniffling daughter.

‘’You should go find him.’’ Sasuke said, wiping the tears off of Sarada’s face, he waited till she nodded before he poked her forehead and smiled at her, he then leaned down to pick the dango box.

Sarada knew where to find him, it was nearing evening, and he knew where she would be normally at this time, and he would be waiting for her there, like he always did.

‘’Thank you Papa,’’ Sarada said, before straightening up and taking a step away from her father towards her destination, but she suddenly stopped and looked at Sasuke again, ‘’ Tell Mama I’m sorry, I know she likes her dango warm.’’

Sasuke grunted, clear annoyance at being caught red handed, but he smiled again looking at the Uchiha symbol of his daughter’s back, sheer pride taking over him at what his daughter has become.

As she expected he was there, standing on the hokage mountain, on the empty space near lord seventh, where she would normally spend her evenings.

He sensed her coming, but didn’t turn around till she was about next to him.

‘’Hello hero.’’

‘’Hey Bo.’’

They stood in silence, each sneaking glances at the other before their eyes finally met, they both blushed a deep shade of red and looked onwards again.

Sarada didn’t know what to do, what to say, so she decided to just act like she would normally.

‘’You stink.’’ She remarked.

Boruto almost fell off the edge, he expected anything, anything but this.

‘’Excuse me! I just got back from a month long mission, dattebaseh!’’

‘’Well you could have stopped by your house and took a shower shanaro!.’’ she responded, turning her body so her eyes could meet his.

‘’I’m sorry! I was left hanging last time I was in the village so kinda wanted to see what was up with that!’’

‘’I would have waited till the end of time, a shower is nothing!.’’ Sarada didn’t realise what she said until she saw Boruto’s expression turn from annoyance to confusion to shyness.

And then he was staring at her again, giving her the same look he gave that day a month ago, and then she felt it again, that intensity, passion, like a fire was burning inside her heart.

From the way he was looking at her, she knew he felt it too.

He took her hand in his, fingers reaching up to trace the scar on her arm, eyes never leaving hers as his other hand caressed her cheek.

‘’I’m sorry I had to go.’’ he muttered finally, in that soft tone he always used with her, just with her and no one else.

‘’It’s okay, you have your hero duties too.’’ she replied, a pure deep sense of satisfaction travelled through her body when his fingers descended from her arm to her hand, extending it, accessing the damage there.

That’s right, it was in bandages last time he saw me…

Sarada suddenly pushed her hand forward and put it over his heart, feeling an immediate sense of comfort at the thumping sensation she felt, his hand was still over hers, pure blue eyes she loves so much looking deep into her soul, making her feel like they were the only two people in the world, just them, in this frozen moment in time.

In a sudden bout of courage, she circled her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her height, as one of his hands travelled towards her waist, the other still on her cheek, eyes never breaking apart except when their faces were inches apart, and then it happened, their lips met for the second time, time froze for the second time, they were connected for the second time.

A few seconds later they pulled apart, Sarada immediately buried her head in his chest, hiding her blush as he leaned his head on her shoulder.

The wind picked up, small pecks of water descended on them, but they both refused to pull apart, having waited too long for this.

Though a few minutes later they were drenched from head to toe and they had to pull apart.

Stupid rain! Sarada thought.

‘’You kept nagging about me taking a shower and look what happened.’’ Boruto teased, still close to Sarada, closer than he used to stand, his grasping Sarada’s, tangling their fingers together.

‘’Way to ruin the moment baka.’’ Sarada said, tossing him a glare, to which he laughed before looking into her eyes.

‘’I love you Sarada Uchiha.’’ he said, feeling like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders as he has been trying to say these five words since forever.

She looked at him, deep into his eyes, and she couldn’t help keep her sharingan at bay as it appeared out of instinct, upon feeling a strong emotion.

‘’I love you Boruto Uzumaki.’’

Sarada leaned her back against the door of her family home, a smile spreading across her face at what just happened, hands still in the pockets of the jacket he gave her, fingers still tingling from his touch, lips still warm from his, the soft thumps of his heart still in her ears.

It wasn’t until a couple of minutes of sitting there did she realise that the lights of the living room were on, which was weird since it was the middle of night, both her parents would be asleep by now, her mother for her morning shift and her father for his early morning report.

She walked quietly towards the lit room, afraid to wake her parents in case they were asleep on the couch again, which till this day she can’t comprehend how two full grown adults fit on their tiny couch.

To her surprise they were both awake and sitting on the couch, tea cups in hand and looking expectantly at her, both sprouting devious grins, Sasuke to a lesser extent of course.

‘’What!?’’ Sarada asked, looking between the two.

‘’Nice jacket.’’ Sakura remarked, grin turning into a full smile.

Sarada blushed and looked at the floor.

‘’Yeah yeah...’’ Sarada said, cheeks turning red fir what must have been the millionth time today before turning her body towards the stairs, but before she was out of sight she said something.

‘’Thank you.’’

#Sarada uchiha #sakura #sasuke #sasusaku #boruto #borusara #fanfiction #fanfic

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avengerscompound · 4 years

Text

Running to a Standstill - 8

Running to a Standstill: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count: 2083

Rating: E

Warnings: sex talk

Synopsis: While on the run from an unknown organization trying to take your son, you meet two super-soldiers. While they try to help you get to the bottom of who is hunting you and your son, feelings come out and admissions are made that make your personal life even more tricky.

Chapter 8

“We need to talk.”

Bucky’s words hang in the air, heavy and foreboding. A list of possible reasons for Bucky’s tension ran through his head. Something had happened to Geo. Or Bucky had decided he wasn’t up to babysitting anymore. Or the intel he’d gotten was some terrible bombshell like your husband never died but instead, he’d been made into some kind of super soldier and now he was trying to have you killed. It wasn’t like Steve to have quite this level of paranoia, but it also wasn’t like Bucky to want to talk.

“Can we sit?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Steve said. “Sit.”

Bucky sat down in the recliner, but the way he perched made it look like he was ready to run at any moment. Steve sat down on the couch and you sat next to him. Steve put his arm around you, almost protectively, like he was worried that whatever Bucky was about to say would send you into flight mode. Steve waited patiently as Bucky seemed to steel himself, running his hand through his hair and taking a few deep breaths.

“I need to… I gotta…” Bucky said and shook his head. “You both need to know that I - I don’t want to mess up what you have. I’m really happy for you both. You deserve to be happy.”

Steve furrowed his brow, now completely confused as to what Bucky wanted to talk about. Bucky let out another breath and shook his head.

“I need you both to not ask me for relationship advice anymore,” Bucky said. Steve went to say something but Bucky cut him off. “I love you, pal. And that’s the ‘why’ of it. I … I have feelings… for you… both.”

Your jaw actually dropped open and Steve felt like his heart stopped beating and then tried to escape his chest out his throat. “I’m sorry… what?”

“I just… when you both come to me, it hurts and I don’t…” he shook his head. “I know neither of you feels that way about me …”

“That’s not true,” you said, interrupting Bucky.

Bucky looked between you and Steve, blinking in shock. “What?”

Steve was in shock too. His brain had just locked up and he wasn’t sure what to do. He’d never imagined that Bucky had felt the same way about him as he felt about Bucky. He couldn’t even imagine how long Bucky might have been feeling that way. Was it new? This was really the first time Bucky had seen Steve dating, did this newly healing man see a relationship and just confuse wanting to have that, with wanting to have them? Did it go back earlier? Did the post Winter Soldier version of Bucky confuse friendship for romance? Or did the reset in time and the relearning of who he was and his place in the world mean that he had fallen for Steve recently? Did it go back to before? Did he start getting feelings for Steve once he’d seen him on the serum? God forbid it happened before that and he had been pining for Steve just as long as Steve and been pining for him.

“Bucky,” you said gently, leaning forward and touching his hand. “I know you just said both of us. And I promise, what I’m about to do isn’t dismissing that, but you and Steve really, really need to talk right now in private, so I’m just going to go to bed.” You turned to Steve and rubbed his leg. He could see your eyes glistening like you were trying very hard not to cry. He cradled your jaw and wanted to hug you or kiss you or do anything to tell you that the bombshell that had just been dropped wasn’t going to change anything. But that wasn’t true. It was going to change everything and both of you knew it. He hated the idea that he was now in this position where someone could get horrifically hurt and that he was most likely going to be the cause of that. He did love you though and he didn’t know what to do. “It’s okay,” you said softly. “It’s okay. We all might need time to think but whatever happens … you gotta go with your heart. Not your head.”

He nodded and leaned in and kissed you. You ran your hand back through his hair. The contrast between the softness of your lips and the way your nails scratched gently over his scalp made his skin prickle. You pulled back, and he chased your lips for a moment, reluctant to let the moment end. You stood, smiling sadly. “Goodnight,” you said and ran your fingers through Bucky’s hair as you passed him on your way into Geo’s room.

Bucky turned back to Steve when you left and swallowed thickly. “Steve?”

His voice came out soft and gravelly and as scared as he’d heard it in a long time. Steve took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. He feared the words he was about to say but he also yearned for them. “Buck,” he said. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”

Bucky seemed to freeze in place. Steve wondered if he’d gotten the same brain freeze that he had suffered from a moment ago. “Really?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, Buck. Really.”

Bucky moved over to the couch, taking the spot you had just been occupying. He leaned in a little and god, how Steve wanted to bridge the difference, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Not when so much still hung in the air. He put his hand on Bucky’s chest and caressed his collarbone with his thumb. “I can’t…”

Bucky pulled back and seemed to shrink down. “Right. Right. Of course.”

Steve took Bucky’s hands and held them to his heart. “Buck,” he whispered. “I just need time. This is… a lot. I can’t just switch feelings on and off like a light. I love you, but I love her too.”

Bucky shook his head. “I get it. I didn’t expect…”

Steve laughed and leaned forward, nosing at Bucky’s cheek. The stubble from his beard that had started coming through, and it scratched the tip of Steve’s nose. “You’re telling me.” Bucky laughed quietly and leaned into Steve’s touch. “How long?”

Bucky sighed and his hands tightened in Steve’s. “Since we were kids. You were 16.”

Steve laughed and tried to imagine if things might have been different if either of them had actually admitted how they felt back then. It was hard to say because so much happened. Bucky might have still ended up falling from that train, and it still would have rent Steve’s heart in two. But they could have had some time before the world had fallen apart. They wouldn’t be in this mess right now. “Well, we’re a couple of fucking idiots aren’t we?”

Bucky huffed and nodded his head. “Yeah. We are.”

“Can I have time to figure myself out?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded without raising his eyes. “It’s been 70 years in the making. What’s another week or so?”

“Thank you,” Steve said. Bucky gave Steve’s hands and stood.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, punk,” Bucky said.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” Steve agreed as Bucky headed for the door. “Buck?”

Bucky turned back to look at him with an eyebrow raised. “Yeah?”

“I love you, Buck,” Steve said.

Bucky chuckled. “Yeah, I love you too, Steve.”

As Bucky left the room, Steve got up. He had imagined Bucky telling him that he loved him so many different ways with so many different outcomes. There was no version of that happening that Steve imagined feeling as much pain as he did right now.

Steve woke the following morning with less clarity and more anxiety than he’d been feeling when he’d gone to bed alone the night before. The two of you were planning to finally add something physical last night and instead, he’d gone to bed alone for the first time in over a month. He loved you. He did. But he loved Bucky too and now he’d have to choose.

Rather than actually do the mature thing and confront his feelings and maybe talk about how he felt with you. He hurried out to the office, looked at the intel, formed a team that didn’t include Bucky, and took off to Madripoor.

“You really think going out into Madripoor like a bull in a China shop is the best idea?” Natasha asked. He was sitting in the back of the jet with her and Wanda while Clint and Sam were in the cockpit. “You know they’re basically a hive of criminals because of their no-extradition thing.”

Steve sighed. He didn’t want to admit he’d just rushed into a mission to avoid talking about feelings, but that was exactly what it was. Punching bad guys was something he could do without thinking at all. “I just want to get a lead on where this combat enhancer is coming from.”

“So, how about this,” Natasha suggested. “We send Clint in with Wanda to check out his old contacts, and the rest of us stay back in the jet unless we’re needed and you can tell me why we just took off to Madripoor with no preparation or even a plan.”

Steve conceded. If he’d really thought about it at all, he probably would have just sent Clint in with Natasha alone. Maybe with a couple of the unknown agents to go undercover and follow the leads Clint dug up. They put the jet down on the far side of the island under cloak and Clint and Wanda headed out in street clothes to find some leads.

“So, spill it,” Natasha said, stretching out on one of the medical gurneys and peeling open a protein bar. “Why are we here besides tracking down the combat enhancers?”

“Did Bucky talk to you?” Sam asked.

Sam whipped his head around to look at his friend. Of course, Bucky had needed to speak to Sam first, but to actually admit what he did, Steve was more than a little surprised. “You know?”

“Yeah,” Sam admitted. “I thought it would be good for him so he wasn't feeling so shit all the time. Didn't expect you to run off on him. That's… Pretty shitty, Steve.”

“Oooh… What is it? What happened?” Natasha said sitting up.

“Last night, after we got back from our date, Bucky told us that he had feelings for us,” Steve explained.

“Bozhe moi,” Natasha cursed. “So you don't feel the same way. He's your best friend, you don't just cut him out. I wouldn't have expected such an asshole move from you, Rogers.”

“It's not that,” Steve said, putting his hands up defensively. “The problem is I do have feelings for him. I love him. But I'm seeing someone and I love her too. I don't know what to do.”

“And he said he had feelings for you both?” Natasha asked, tilting her head to the side as she assessed him.

Steve nodded. “Yeah… it’s a mess. And I guess… I run into battle rather than dealing with emotional stuff.”

“Hey, look at you,” Sam teased. “Spouting back shit you learned in therapy.”

“I don’t see what the problem is. He likes both of you. You like both of them. Is she not into him?” Natasha asked.

“I have no idea. They seem close,” Steve said. “What are you suggesting?”

Natasha groaned and rolled her eyes. “Haven’t we already had this conversation? You’ve seen that monogamy isn’t the only way to be happy with me and Clint. Find the thing that makes the three of you happy.”

Steve furrowed his brow. Growing up while he wasn’t so ignorant to not realize when friends he had were gay or that there were people who might be married they also had someone else on the side, he’d had it drilled into him, it was man and wife. He’d been excited when he’d woken up and found out that gay marriage had been legal. Still, he’d always just pictured that ‘two people and picket fence’ life. Even with Natasha and Clint seeing each other and anyone else they thought might be interested, they still chose each other first. “Can I do that? That… I can’t actually do that, right?”

Natasha rolled her eyes again, while Sam shrugged. “How about you take a little something for yourself for a change, Cap?”

// NEXT

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #stucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky x reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #captain america fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #running to a standstill

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satsuki2406 · 3 years

Text

Dear Aomi Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

"I've seen you in a dream before, you are the warm and bright presence that embraced me on Cape Kamui a long time ago on a June afternoon."

Shinohara (Y/N) is a normal girl who had everything she could ask for, a loving family, a beautiful home, friends, and a fluffy cat. For a long time, she gave her life and happiness for granted, never imagining that she'll face one of the worst and crueler facades of society so closely, destroying what once was a happy, harmonious and normal family. One day, in hopes to recover what they lost, the Shinohara family took one of the more difficult decisions of their lives; leave behind their home back in Hokkaido and travel hundreds of miles south until Musutafu, the place that could grant them a solution and help close the yet fresh wound and scare away the ghosts of the past. Hardheaded, passionate, and ambitious (Y/N) is forced to confront the incarnated face of the superhuman society that she hated the most; Bakugou Katsuki.

PAIRING: (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

GENRE/WARNINGS: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Dark Themes, My poor attempt of humor, Strong language (Courtesy of King Lord Explosion Murder God *********💥), Manga Spoilers.

STATUS: On going

Chapter 1: School is a Great Place to Make Enemies

Chapter 2: My Stupid Classmate, The Angry Dandelion

Chapter 3: In Conclusion, This Day Was...

Chapter 4: Welcome to the Neighborhood

Masterlist $￣︶￣*$)

✒A/N:

OH-EM-GEE-

It's really been a while since I updated this story, I really thought it was a couple of months ago, I’ve been very busy lately and just kept pushing writing for later, and later transformed into 8 months! I had to admit that I also had a huge block with this story, but recently I got a lot of inspiration and energy, chapter 6 is almost ready but editing needs to be done after all. Hopefully this would be a good one! There’s more details coming in future chapters and also new characters! I got a thing for OCs recently, I feel they add more personality to the story!

Enjoy!

o(*°▽°*)o

5: Aldera Chronicles

‘Just a good day’ That was what you prayed, asked for last night, and what you tried to repeat to yourself to keep calm and serene while you looked desperately for your earphones. As soon as you did, you connected them to your phone and searched for the loudest song you kept in your collection.

“Oi! I’m talking to you dumbface!”

The loudest one of all.

After the whole ‘neighbors fiasco’ you got stuck with Bakugou on your way to school, both of your mothers insisted that you should go to school together at least today, so you could ‘amend your differences and get closer’ you almost gag at the suggestion, but your mom looked so ecstatic about the idea of you making new friends, after all she hasn’t looked that excited in a while, so you could not find yourself saying no to her.

Although you ‘accepted’, that didn’t mean that you will stay with him all the way to school, right now you were still in their field of vision, so if you left him behind, they will notice. You were just waiting for the perfect moment, as soon as you made it to the end of the street and turned to the left, you will take that as a cue to hop on your bike and leave him behind eating your dust.

“What a shity morning, stuck with this idiot. That friking hag threaten me to change the wifi password if I didn’t come and to top it off, she had the fucking nerve to take my phone, fan-fucking-tastic…” Bakugou was right in front of you grumbling angrily and throwing profanities left and right. His anger was more than evident; he was more hunched over than normal; his hands were way deeper in his pockets to the point you thought he could rip them open and his feet were stomping on the ground with such intensity that you could almost feel it vibrate under your own.

Despite the fact that you could not see his face, you could bet your (F/C) post-its that there was an extra deep scowl and curled pouty lips ‘decorating’ his face right now. You tried to distract yourself with your phone and avoid Bakugou as much as possible, it was bad enough to spend more time with him than you already did in school, not to mention that unwanted encounters may become commonplace being next-door neighbors.

You sighted dejected at the thought, you really were kind of excited about moving to a new city, Musutafu was way bigger than Sapporo was, with bigger malls, parks, shops, restaurants and more fun things to do. But sadly for you, Bakugou manage to crush your hopes and expectations as soon as he opened his mouth, hell, even by existing actually.

Your attention was snaped back to reality when the sound of cars passing by and other students came to you. You got on your bike again, getting in front of Bakugou so you could reach the avenue faster, “Oi! Don’t go in ahead of me dumbshit!” You ignored him as he yelled at you, his words more and more inaudible as you got farther.

After a few minutes you had lost him completely, he probably went the opposite direction to the bus stop or the train station, Aldera was close, but not enough to go walking, you did it there in twenty five minutes with your bike if you took your time, fifteen if you were in a rush, you made sure to verify how long it would take you to get there the days prior that you had to actually go back to school.

You decided to relax and enjoy the view of the city and listen to your favorite songs like the day before. Luckily the Tatooine Station was open, safe and working at its fullest.

“Not a single villain in sight, phew, how good that they managed to clear the area otherwise I would have had to…” Suddenly memories of your crossing trough Dump Beach™ came to you, that was an experience you were so willing to don’t repeat ever again. “I wonder who else from my school had to make a detour like me yesterday, or if someone was involved in the incident… those ladies said it was a middle schooler, but it’s quite ambiguous data to make any conclusive statements, there are hundreds of middle schools in Musutafu and the commercial district is in the center, so it could be anyone.”

You stopped in front of a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. ‘I’ll ask Midoriya if he knows something else, he probably passed by or something’. You had to admit that you were kind of excited about the idea of befriending the green head, even with his nervous, anxious, jumpy and shy personality he gave you a kind and sweet vibe. His insecurity gave away his true nature; his clumsiness, the nervousness, overanalyze everything, the mutter, for some they could be annoying but you found it rather and oddly fascinating, it made him feel real, genuine and honest.

‘He’s almost like…’

The chirping sound of the traffic light snapped you out of your rampant thoughts announcing that the light had finally turned green. You started off with your bike along the rest of the pedestrians and continued on your way to the school.

The rest of the way to Aldera passed without any hitch, you left your bike locked and took your stuff to walk to the shoe lockers like yesterday, just a few feet ahead you distinguish a very familiar mop of green curly hair. He seemed slightly hunched and deep in thought, probably way too deep in thought to the point that you could see a colorful smeared aura surrounding him and the word mutter coming out of his mouth. And you were not the only one, as you could see the people around walking away, with slightly perturbed expression on their faces. You just took it as a cue to let your presence being known.

“Good morning Midoriya!” You hopped by his side and greeted him enthusiastically. The poor thing almost had a heart attack and jumped out of his own skin as you just scared the shit out of him. He released a muffled scream and seem to calm down a tiny bit to immediately turn the shade of a tomato and babble a greeting.

“G-G-G-G-G-Good mo-morning Shinohara-san! You-You-You caught me by su-surprise.” He squeaked as he covered his face with his arms and his eyes moved erratically to look everywhere but you.

“Did I scare you? I’m sorry! I guess I let myself go a little bit.” You trailed, resting a palm against your nape.

“Oh nonono! Please don’t apologize! Y-Y-You were been courteous after all. He whispered breathlessly at the end fidgeting his fingers nervously. “I…nobody ever greets me or says good morning, I didn't expect it and that's why I got a little nervous. T-That’s all, so don’t worry.” His little confession shocked you for a moment, it was really depressing to be honest but it motivated you at the same time.

You beamed confidently at him, “Well Midoriya, I recommend that you get used to it then, because I intend to greet and say goodbye to you every day without fail from now on.”

He looked up at you with a surprised and somewhat puzzled expression, his fingers started to twitch nervously, his countenance became even redder if that was even possible.

“B-B-B-B-B-But Shi-Shinohara-san-!”

“Shush, shush, shush! I am not going to put it up for discussion this is how it’ll be from now on and it's over.” You placed your hands on your hips, a slight scowl adorning your face to accentuate your mock annoyance. “Besides, who will run away from Bakugou with me after I tell him how much of an asshole he is for the umpteenth time in a row?”

You relaxed your demeanor again, offering him a goofy smile, so he could notice that you weren't even mad to begin with. The poor greenette thought for a smidgen that he made you angry and that worried him profusely. But one glance at you told him that you were being sincere, he was scared that you could be trying to play a prank just to make fun of him as it has already happened to him so many times. that alien feeling of relief and tranquility invaded his chest, apparently the chance encounter he had with his childhood hero had been a good omen and brought him more good things that he could imagine.

His eyes teared up with hope and a squiggly smile adorned his face, he dried his tears with his gakuran sleeve and clenched his fists excitedly.

“So, what do you think?” you asked eagerly.

“I look forward for it!”

“Did you see what happened yesterday at the commercial district? It seemed pretty rough” You commented to Midoriya absentmindedly while you took your uwabaki from your locker. He visibly flinched as he heard your question almost dropping his shoes in the process.

“Ye-Yeah, they said that the pro heroes could hardly put up a fight because of the villain’s quirk.”

“Right? Hopefully All Might was nearby, otherwise who knows what would have happen. I wonder if the hostage is ok, I didn’t watch the news last night so I’m not pretty sure what exactly happened. Do you know how it was?

He flinched again and turned his head to you rigidly as you raised an eyebrow at his sudden odd behavior.

“I do-don’t know a lot but I read that everything was ok afterwards, the hostage walked out with just a couple of scratches, so there’s nothing to be concerned about Shinohara-san, it’s pretty nice of you to worry so much, especially since the hostage…” Midoriya looked down and tapped his trembling indexes together; he wanted to tell you something, but didn’t know how.

“Come on Midoriya, you already told me the hostage is ok, what can be so bad that you are hesitant to tell me?” You inquired him softly.

“Is nothing bad per se, well, you’ll see the hostage…” He paused and looked in all directions to check if anybody was listening. Ok, weird. He got a little closer to you and cupped his mouth with his left hand.

“The pe-person captured yesterday was-”

Your little hush-hush conversation was interrupted when the metallic sound of a locker being abruptly opened echoed in the sudden silent space. Your ears located the unexpected noise behind you and instinctively you turned to see what had caused such a ruckus.

A couple of lockers from you, a really angry and really frustrated Bakugou appeared right in front of your eyes. You observed how out of the blue everything and everybody seemed to freeze in time, and all eyes were on him. The atmosphere turned tense, every person there watched attentively his every movement, talking with just a glance, some people were whispering among themselves no even taking their eyes off him.

‘What the hell is happening?’

He took his uwabaki and slammed them on the floor, removed his shoes and buried them unceremoniously in the locker, slamming the door shut. He grumbled, trying fruitlessly to put his uwabaki, cursing that he couldn't put them on as smoothly as he would’ve liked. He suddenly stopped his movements, acknowledging the unwanted attention he was receiving.

“The hell are you looking at you fucking losers?! Why don’t you mind your own damn business, huh?!”

His voice echoed with fury at the school entrance, despite their obvious fear, nobody moved an inch, all the eyes glued on him. He finished to put on his shoes and stomped further inside. At the corner of his eye he noticed your presence and immediately stared at you, he seemed even more infuriated than before, this clearly soured his mood even further, if that was even possible.

You returned it with one of your own, as intense or more as his, the attention seemed to turn your way as your little staring contest became longer, Midoriya nervously looked between you and him, probably waiting for another showdown to break out, just like yesterday. Everybody’s breath hitched by the minute, but you didn’t back down, your (E/C) eyes met the fiery inferno of his crimson ones, after a couple more seconds he just tsked and stomped away with his hands buried way deep in his pockets.

After he left, the clock started ticking again, everyone took a breath of relief, averted their eyes from his retracting back and continued their lives like always. Midoriya’s shoulders relaxed significantly at the time that his soul slowly returned to his body. When you noticed him more calmed and focused, decided to address the elephant in the room.

“What. The. Heck. Just. Happened?” You whispered bewildered. “Who peed on his cereal? If this is something usual here, I’ll be more than glad to take my bike and go all the way back to Sapporo.” You crossed your arms over your chest and stared irritated at his retracting back.

“Well, now that Captain McTantrum™ left, what was that you wanted to tell me about yesterday’s incident?” You asked relaxing your demeanor to something more gentle and friendly. Midoriya flinched slightly and his poise appear suddenly uneasy.

“Um, well, the person-the-the person th-th-that got trapped by the mud villain, tha-tha-that person…” Midoriya tried over and over but it was useless, he couldn’t complete a single sentence without stumbling over his own words. Noticing that using his words would be useless, he looked at you in the eyes to then wander his gaze, pointing to something behind him. You started at him completely lost while he kept repeating the same cycle of looking at you and then looking away, urging you to get what he was trying to say, not moving his head once, like he was unsure to look back.

You exanimated what was at his back; just a couple of students walking to their respective classrooms, friends greeting each other, and Bakugou turning to the right at the end of the corridor to go upstairs-

‘Wait, Bakugou?’

Then it hit you, the awkward silence when he arrived, the unwanted starring, the murmuring, his more than usual foul mood, the outburst, Midoriya’s reluctance to tell you, he probably though he would get into trouble with him if it reached his ears that stupid Deku was talking shit of him to thief bitch. Everything made sense now. You broke out of your trance and looked at Midoriya “Was Bakugou?-” He eagerly nodded his head, satisfied that you finally understood him.

“Oh, I see…”

“Y-Yes…”

“…”

“HOLLY SHIT-”

With the issue clarified and only five minutes left before the class started you two proceeded to go upstairs as well. Midoriya and you made small talk with some intervals of comfortable silence here and there, soon enough you both reached your classroom, people chatting lively when you opened the door. Midoriya walked in just behind you as you made it to your designated seats.

‘If I’m not wrong, Math is our first class of the day’ your mind wandered to other school related topics while you seated at your desk, just as you did the bell ringed and your teacher entered the classroom and started his lesson of the day.

Midday finally came, which mean it was finally lunch time, you invited Midoriya beforehand to eat with you, he timidly accepted, after a lot of nervous quacking but you could tell he seem excited about the idea. As soon as the bell that announced the so waited lunch break ringed, you proceeded to pack your books and stationery into your bag and take out your bento when your desk was crowded by what it looked like to be all the girls in your class. One of them, a girl with short brown hair and blue eyes was the first to approach you.

“Hey Shinohara! Do you want to have lunch with us? We didn’t actually have the chance to talk yesterday and we thought it would be nice to know you better.” She spoke.

“Yuki-chan is right! Is refreshing to have another girl in the class after almost three years since we are very few, with you we are eight now!” Said another one of them visibly thrilled.

“You looked so cool yesterday when you confronted Bakugou!”

“I think nobody has managed to do that and live after it, or actually do it”

“Right?!”

“So awesome!”

They gave you a really kind and chill vibe, chatting and praising you animatedly. Although they seemed to really enjoy Bakugou’s antics against your green head classmate, well, nobody's perfect, noted. You can’t judge the book by its cover, but when you looked at them, it’s impossible to not think about…

The offer is almost irresistible.

Almost.

“That sounds lovely! But Midoriya and I agreed to have lunch together today, so I’m afraid we’ll have to leave it to another time.” You almost cringed at how cutesy and honeyed your voice sounded but they seemed to buy it, until their expressions made a 180. Their faces were shocked and almost offended at the thought of you putting him over their proposal. It was a ‘are you for real?’ reaction over all. You kept smiling at them to emphasize that you were serious, when the girl that talked first tried to dissuade you.

“B-But why don’t you eat with us today and leave your lunch with him for tomorrow? I’m sure Midoriya won’t have a problem, right?” She turned and looked at him just as the rest of the girls did after she, Midoriya flinched nervously holding his bento at the unexpected attention he was receiving.

“Eh…! I…! Well… Um…”

“You see! He’s ok with it!”

‘He hasn’t even said a thing!’ You thought trying to conceal your disbelief. ‘Let’s put all the beef on the grill then’

“Oh, I got an idea!” You chimed. “Midoriya! Why don’t you join us for lunch too? That way nobody eats alone and we get to know better! It’s a win-win plan! What do you think?” You were not dumb, although it was true you can’t judge anybody by a simple glance, you had a somewhat firm idea of why they were so eager to mingle with you, so you just did what you thought it was necessary to make sure it was not that, and what a better way than with your nerve-wreck of a friend.

‘What a better way to know someone’s character than by the way they treat others?’

The poor guy looked like he was about to have a seizure and your classmates were not any better; they looked at you even more astonished than before, and you could swear that they started to sweat. Suddenly they look to be hesitant, even the more insistent one. They looked at you, at each other and then at Midoriya.

“I-I think you are right, it wasn’t very nice to insist after you already had plans with…Midoriya, I guess we can leave it for another day.” The others seem to agree, a bit crestfallen but relieved nonetheless.

‘I knew it…’

They shortly left after that; you kept your friendly smile until they finally disappeared behind the door, when they were out of your view completely you let your smile fall and collected your lunch from your desk. You marched to the door, but stopped midway when you noticed that certain someone was still standing lost in his own world, mumbling nonsense as usual.

“Midoriya” You called him, he seemed to have got out of his trance and looked at you eyewided, confused and bewildered.

“Huh?”

“Are you coming or what?” You said smiling.

He stared at you genuinely surprised, but he swiftly shook his head and walked towards you.

“Yes!”

“A-Are we going to eat outside?” he asked curiously.

“I mean, it’s a beautiful day the temperature is perfect and this would actually be the first time ever that I had the chance to be outside in early April without freezing my butt. Do you have any place in mind?”

“No, I-I always eat by myself, so I prefer to stay in the classroom” He answered somewhat ashamed.

“Its ok, I know the perfect place.”

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altair-native · 3 years

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My Top 10 Albums of 2020

Now that the longest and craziest year in history is finally over, I figured now would be a good time to reflect and look back at some positive things from 2020. Despite concerts and tours being cancelled, and many bands and artists postponing albums due to not being able to promote them, there was a lot of really fantastic music released this year. Here are some of my favorites!

Honorable Mention: Money Money 2020 Part II by The Network

Green Day members Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt, and Tré Cool (plus some friends) brought back an old side project from 2003 this year called The Network. This album is a follow up to their debut album Money Money 2020, and was a huge surprise. I wasn’t sure where to put it on my top 10 list, but I still wanted to talk about it because it ended up being much better than the actual Green Day record we got this year. They experiment with lots of different sounds on this album, and while some of them are definitely meant to be satire, there are some seriously great songs on here that give me hope that future Green Day albums could be much better.

Favorite Song: Fentanyl

Now, on to the top 10:

#10 Last Room by waveform*

The first of many surprise additions to the list, Last Room is a really great album stocked full of songs that are all pretty short, but each stands out on its own. waveform* is really good at making songs that capture the listener’s attention. This is definitely a band that I want to hear more of, and I’m excited to dive deeper into their discography this year!

Favorite Song: Miner’s Lullaby

#9 Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams

After years of being in Paramore, Hayley Williams has finally released her first solo album! Paramore’s 2017 album After Laughter experimented with lots of different sounds, and was also a very personal record lyrically, so it’s no surprise that Hayley took a similar approach here. These songs are a way for her to open up about her life and branch out more and she succeeds on this record. Even if you’re not a fan of Paramore I highly recommend checking this one out.

Favorite Song: Why We Ever

#8 Some Still Morning by Handsome Ghost

I’ve already talked a bit about this album (it was even my first review on this blog!) but I feel like the more I’ve listened to it, the more I’ve started to love the songs that first stuck out to me. I still feel like some of the songs sound a bit too similar, but when the duo branch out and try new things on this record, it’s some of their best work.

Favorite Song: Christmas In Jersey

#7 Healer by Grouplove

Something that has always been true about Grouplove’s music is that it is insanely catchy, and this holds true with their newest record Healer. I’ve liked a lot of their music before, but for some reason this album connected with me on a way that their other music hasn’t. I feel like this album came out at the perfect time for me, because it has a lot of themes about growing up and dealing with the crazy world we live in. If you’ve never listened to Grouplove and want to check them out, I think that Healer is definitely a good starting place.

Favorite Song: Hail to the Queen

#6 Folklore by Taylor Swift

I’ve had a history of really disliking Taylor Swift’s music, especially her earlier albums. I guess for those it was due to overexposure, but with some of her more recent albums (especially 2013′s Red) I actually found there were certain songs I actually liked. Her albums as a whole, however, have always felt bogged down by their singles which often don’t sound like they fit with the rest of the album. When I heard she had announced an album coming out that night, I was very curious. After listening to it, Folklore fixed every issue I’ve had with her previous albums, and I love how she’s shifted her lyrics to focus on telling stories. I didn’t expect a Taylor Swift album to end up on my top 10 list for any year, but 2020 was definitely full of surprises!

Favorite Song: Seven

#5 Possession by Joywave

I had discovered Joywave one day on YouTube by accident, and immediately wanted to hear more from them. Their songs are always so unique and creative, and after seeing them open up for Bastille in October 2019, I got really excited for their third album. They have incredible energy on stage, and that energy is reflected perfectly in their music, especially on this album. It was one of my most anticipated records of 2020, and it seriously lived up to the hype.

Favorite Song: Half Your Age

#4 Figure by Into It. Over It

Yet another accidental discovery, Figure blew me away the first time I listened to it. I was immediately drawn in from the first track, and each song delivers something truly special. I had to listen to this album all the way through multiple times to really take it all in. I planned on doing a full review of it here, but felt I needed to look into the lyrics and the meanings behind the songs a little more to fully understand it. Now, Into It. Over It has been on repeat for a good chunk of the past couple months. Evan Thomas Weiss is an incredible songwriter and really talented musician, and I seriously recommend checking out his music.

Favorite Song: Brushstrokes

#3 Leave What’s Lost Behind by Colony House

Colony House are a band that I discovered a few years ago, and their first two albums quickly became favorites of mine.Their intriguing instrumentals along with Caleb Chapman’s powerful vocals make their music really fun to listen to, and like Joywave they put on a fantastic show even when they’re just the opening act. I had been looking forward to the follow up to 2017′s Only The Lonely, and this record definitely lived up to my expectations, even if I prefer the latter album a little more. There are definitely some incredible songs here, a few of which are among the best in Colony House’s discography.

Favorite Song: The Hope Inside

#2 Zeros by Declan McKenna

For whatever reason, I didn’t listen to this album when it first came out, but when I did eventually get around to listening to it I fell in love. Declan McKenna has always been a really great songwriter, but this album in particular shows just how talented the 22 year old singer is. Blending sounds from different eras of rock along with some more modern production, Zeros is an absolute masterpiece of an album.

Favorite Song: Twice Your Size

#1 Dreamland by COIN

Even though Zeros got really close to taking the number one spot, my personal favorite of the year is still COIN’s third album Dreamland (not to be confused with the Glass Animals album of the same name also from 2020). COIN is a band that just keeps on getting better, and even after losing a member back in 2018, they’ve still managed to grow and improve their sound. Dreamland takes everything I’ve loved about COIN’s music and adds to it. If you haven’t listened to this album and are a fan of indie pop bands like Flor, Smallpools and Young the Giant, then you should definitely give this album a listen!

Favorite Song: Nobody’s Baby

Thank you for checking out my list of my favorite albums from this past year! I’d love to know what you guys think and if we have any of the same albums on our list :)

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thejosh1980 · 3 years

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I was lookin' back to see if she was lookin' back...

Yesterday Alex, Mum and I celebrated...

It's been one year since Alex and I arrived at Mum's place in Ocean Shores, NSW Australia.

If you've read my earlier blogs in 2020, you'll know that we had a lot of trouble getting home. Between the government and airlines, at one point it looked like we'd never get here; we were stranded. I was living in constant worry, stress and hopelessness - in fact, we all were: Alex's family in Germany and Mum's family down under.

Our July 2020 flights were cancelled or rescheduled many times, and eventually we decided to buy new, more expensive flights, on another airline through an agency, which gave us some assurances we'd be on the flight. Our new flights booked and confirmed for early September.

We flew Frankfurt to Adelaide, which was not our original plan. Adelaide had no COVID, and the chance of getting on a flight and getting into the country was higher than say, Brisbane, or Sydney. We could quarantine in Adelaide for 2 weeks and then fly on to Brisbane, which is closer to Ocean Shores.

That was like.... so last year...

This area where we now live is known as the Northern Rivers of New South Wales, and when we arrived at Mum's there was no COVID in the area. We are only about 35 minutes south of the Queensland border, about 8 hours north of the big smoke, Sydney.

Now, a year on, COVID has arrived here.

It's been biting at the heals of tourists and essential workers travelling north since Sydney went into lockdown a couple of months ago.

It's not our idea of a good time.

Right now it's school holidays, which is meant to be 2 weeks of families holidaying in caravan parks and hotels, an essential part of this tourist attraction mecca. Byron Bay, Brunswick Heads, and surrounds are usually very popular places; so popular that most locals complain about how busy it gets here during the holidays. You just can't get a parking sport anywhere!

The Northern Rivers was locked down for about 6 weeks through August into September because cases from Sydney were getting into regional NSW. These regional areas affected by COVID weren't near here, but they made a blanket rule for everywhere outside of Sydney, just to be on the safe side.

Honestly, I don't blame them for the rule, regional outback Australia can't cope with COVID, there's few hospitals, beds, or COVID experience in the scrub and farm land.

Anyhow, I digress...

After those 6 weeks or so in lockdown, they lifted the restrictions here in the northern rivers (and other areas of NSW).

And now, after 2 weeks, lockdown is back on...

There are a couple of cases in the area. Snap lockdowns are the government's preferred method of containing outbreaks. Lockdown areas wherever cases pop up for a week or two (or longer) to limit exposure.

It reminds me constantly that life can change quickly at any time. I have decided I will not waste time once this current lockdown has ended (who knows when that will be). I will visit friends, family, and musicians who live close by. I want to see as many folks as quickly as possible, before another lockdown kicks in.

Besides the boring, never ending tale of COVID, there have been a few things happening this past year...

Alex has been working consistently in the real estate industry since her temporary visa kicked in late last year.

Her first job was a few more miles away than any of us locals would consider driving, and the position wasn't as enjoyable or rewarding as she had first hoped. She really dived in the deep end, and while she didn't drown, she probably needed a few swimming lessons before the attempt. It was a life lesson, one she took on board, and when a new job came up closer to home, she nailed the interview (as she always does), and hasn't looked back.

The 2nd job is less than half the distance away, strictly 9 to 5 and in a company which she enjoys. There's a strong company structure, good work ethic, and entertaining colleagues. Her supervisors, colleagues, and managers are all very supportive; I think she'll be sitting tight on this one for a while.

Alex has also found her creative side again, scrap book journalling, instant camera photography, and some kind of couples diary/journal/photo book too. It's become an almost nightly affair of focusing, creating, and having something to show for it fairly quickly. She's very proud of her work, and it's something she does just for herself. I don't expect you'll get a chance to see a photo of what she's done, and she likes it like that.

I had a bit of work late in 2020 and early 2021, nothing special really, but wait until the premier!! It's interesting to think that some day soon I'll be able to go to the cinema and see my ugly mug on the big screen (even if it will most likely be out of focus). I'll be on Netflix too.

Having the opportunity to be an extra on film and TV was a real boost for my confidence after being off stage for so long. I felt creative, met some great people, made some friends, and had a few bucks in my pocket. Happy days.

By jumping into an industry I hadn't been in before right after arriving here, it reminded me that Australia has a lot to offer. I found myself comparing Germany and Australia, and Australia often feels like it comes up short. This was a chance to prove to myself that there are adventures awaiting here down under.

So, I decided to go back to school.

The last time I was in a class room was in 1998!! I am studying a Diploma of Counselling, and am currently half way through my studies. I've found it very challenging, but have passed every assessment so far, and gained some handy skills too. I have a good connection with my teachers, and I really enjoy the company of my classmates; some of which I can even call friends.

I chose counselling for a few reasons, but the first step was really just a process of elimination. Besides being a freelance professional musician for several years in Germany, I had worked in offices, shops, warehouses, kindergartens and various other jobs. While I could go back into IT or something similar, I wanted to use this opportunity to try something new.

I had my fair share of mental health issues in the past (and present). I thought maybe those experiences could help me connect with folks who need support as well. When looking at course options, the counselling course stood out. So now I'm making a mid life crisis gamble that I'll pass the course, and feel confident and knowledgeable enough to take on the role that many others have taken on for me over the years.

The course has helped me find a routine too, one that I didn't know I needed, until it happened. When you're jobless and unfocused, the mind wanders, the days pass. Now my mind is focused on study, and I feel better for it.

Up until the lockdown hit, we were in class 3 days a week and then I'd study from home 1 to 3 days a week. When lockdown hit, we had to go online. However, being on the computer so much has worn me out, and I really start to enjoy those rare days where I am not looking at a screen!

To be honest, it's been challenging every step of the way, and I even thought about quitting several times in the past few months. However, my confidence has steadily risen to each challenge and I felt better for it.

That's the kind of vicious circle I enjoy.

In July I had my first live show in 13 months! In fact, to date I've only had 3 since the pandemic started! Fingers crossed I can cross the border next month and add a 4th.

I was approached by Cherry Divine to play guitar for her. It's a relatively easy gig for me. The songs are fun rockabilly tunes, Cherry sings great, and she already has a band and gigs. I'm helping her write a few songs too, for her next album. I can't thank her enough for sparkin' the fire in me to keep music alive in my life; for a while there I thought it was all a thing of the past.

With the spark has come the possibility of “The Josh” solo band coming together. While the band isn't moving at any great speed (the recent 2nd lockdown kicked in right as I was about to arrange a rehearsal), I'm finally eager to get a band together. I miss playing live, and I miss having musicians in my life. I miss the spontaneity of a show, life on the road, and crowd reactions.

I've even started to write some new material, and get those ideas on “tape”, well, on the computer. Slow and steady, between studying, family, pets and surfing, music is coming back into my life, and it feels good.

Our family unit here is doing well. Alex and I have been under mum's roof and mum's care for a year now. There are some ups and downs, but mostly I'd say they're ups... The house is big enough to give all of us space, all of us get time outside of the house (except during lockdown, I was mostly stuck at home, but that's OK for me)...

Last night we couldn't go out for dinner, but we did have take away from the local Indian which was really good, and a special treat for us, we don't eat out often.

Alex and I plan to get away every 5-6 months for a visit to somewhere we haven't been. In March we were on the “Sunshine Coast” and checked out Australia Zoo, and in June we went south to the mid north coast to pick up BB Junior.

It's nice to get out and explore. A bit hard to do at the moment, with the restrictions, but we've agreed another trip away (before Christmas if possible) is in order. Those trips are part of the reason why I came home, to see some of Australia, and I'm lucky I get to make those experiences with Alex.

It's also nice to get away from it all. I know we live in a beautiful spot near the ocean, but here, at home, there's the computers, the life and routine, and getting away keeps us fresh and focused on each other. It's definitely something I look forward to!

Speaking of BB Junior, he's almost 7 months old now, and a real character. While he's not the easiest cat to train, I've been getting a few tricks out of him, and he enjoys his time outside, with his harness and long lead. He visits his cousin each week for play time, Charlie, who is another ragdoll of a family friend who loves to play chase all day long with Junior. Alex adores Junior, and Junior adores Alex; they can't wait to cuddle when she comes home from work. He's very vocal too, so even when everyone is at work, I have someone to talk to!

Losing our little boy Mijo was a real difficult experience. I know I've written about him before, but he deserves a mention here, as he was a big part of our first year here. He was full of character and strength, he and I bonded very quickly and not a day goes by I don't think of him. He also brought Alex and I closer together. When she chose him for me, and when he passed, and all points in between, he brought us closer.

I've been focused on sport a fair bit since getting back and settling in. I bought a RowErg, also known as a rowing machine, and I row about twice a week, in addition to riding my bicycle about twice a week. I try to surf every chance I get, which unfortunately ends up being only a few times a month. It's my goal to do something sporty to get my heart rate up every day, and of late, usually I get there too. I don't really do it for any other reason than I love to snack and I can't snack if I don't do sport!

A benefit of my sport/snack workout routine is it helps me stay calm and focused and connected with those I ride and surf with.

I haven't asked Mum how she's feeling about having her middle aged son and his wife living with her recently. Maybe I should, but do I really wanna know the answer? Well, I think she's OK with it. After all, we drive her wherever she wishes! I suspect it goes a little deeper than that, and in all honesty, we enjoy each other's company.

Since Alex and I have been here, I'd like to think Mum has been living a little bit fuller life. I don't think her eyesight has deteriorated much in the past year, but we've been able to provide her with support, eyes to read the small print, driving and help with google, or something around the house. When Mum was diagnosed with celiac disease earlier this year, Alex took her shopping to check over the ingredients of Mum's favourite food, and when needed, found alternatives. It definitely made the transition to gluten free a little easier on Mum and it was a load off my mind that we were around to help her through that phase.

Winter 2021 was over before it even started. I forgot how warm this part of the world is, and I don't know why I own so many jackets! Returning from Europe, where I was wearing a jacket daily for about 9 months of the year, here it feels like, if it's really needed, and I mean if you're desperate, you might need one for 9 weeks of the year. I think the heater was on a handful of times, and the sun was shining just about every day.

I tell ya, it's some kind of paradise here.

It's been a bit difficult keeping up with our European friends and family. I sometimes find it hard to find the time to be proactive to contact the 20, 30 or more friends I'd like to keep in touch with regularly. I know our lives keep on keepin' on, but time passes by so quickly too, and next thing you know it's been 4 months since I last contacted you!

Sorry about that!

Don't take it personally, and I'll get back to you, eventually!

My overall mental health has improved over the year, I'd say it's become quite stable since I started the course. I mean, can't you tell? I write less and less in this blog, because I have less and less to process. I'm not sure if it's the fact there's a lot of self reflection that is inherently a part of doing that kind of mental health course, or if it's the routine of being a student or the new friends I've made and classmates I study with.

It could be that it's taken a year to come to terms with being back here, cause when I first arrived I felt uncomfortable, depressed and worn out... There were a lot of questions; is this a mid life crisis? What am I doing here? Will I ever feel good again? Is my music career over? What am I going to do now? Is Alex OK? Is Mum OK?

My journalling, blogging, and support from friends and family has helped a lot too this past year. Processing my thoughts in words, by clarifying and reflecting, has helped a lot. I've been trying to care for myself a bit more now and then too, I think people call it self care, sometimes I call it sport! Alex has helped me to recognise my achievements, however big or small, and focus less on what I haven't done.

I'm not perfect, but definitely improving.

I was hoping that Alex and I would be in a position to start looking at buying our own house around this time, a year in, but unfortunately, with one of us being a student and the ever rising cost of housing, we have to sit tight on that idea for a while longer. Sorry Mum, you're stuck with us.

There's been many smaller things happen during our first year here. Lots of moments of gratitude, love and support. There's some stuff we've forgotten, or that has been overtaken by something bigger. All in all, I'd say it's been a real rollercoaster home coming!

We're still here, a year on, still going strong, making motions, taking chances, being in love, talking shit, laughing, smiling, misbehaving and focusing... What more could we ask for?

Thank you for reading, for your support and love. I love you too.

Josh

#covid pandemic #1 year celebration #reflection #family life #relationships

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bewaretheidesofmarchyall · 3 years

Text

Dream SMP Good Omens AU Part 3!

There’s another chapter of the Good Omens AU! This one is Bedrock Bros, it’s on AO3 here, but also below the cut

Technoblade was determined not to care about Tommy. He lost that particular battle.

-----------------

"Let me get something clear. I'm not sure why you're here, or what you're planning, but I haven't survived as long as I have by giving strangers the benefit of the doubt.". Technoblade paced around his opponent, making every word clear.

"You may have been able to pull the wool over Phil's eyes, but I see through this whole game.

You think you can show up in our home, learn our secrets, and report back to your boss, right?

Well, mark my words: I'm going to find out your plan, I'm going to track down the guy you're working for, and I'm going to get you out of our lives.". He glanced back.

"Are you even listening to me?".

The opponent stared blankly at him through crib bars. Technoblade folded his arms.

"I'm starting to think you might actually be a month-old baby.". Phil walked into the room, looking exasperated.

"Techno, are you interrogating the child again?"

"Listen, this orphaned child is hiding something, I know it."

"He didn't crack the first seven times you tried this. Just give it a rest, mate."

"I think I have the perfect negotiation strategy this time."

"Which is?"

"The threat of violence. Allow me to demonstrate.". He removed a sword from the wall and held it over the crib.

"Who do you work for?". Tommy looked at the blade like it was the coolest thing he'd seen in his young life and reached for it. Techno held it out of the child's reach.

Phil, unamused, swooped in, took the sword out of his hands, and half-led half-pushed him out of the house.

"I think that's enough for today."

"But-"

"Nope!”

"Just promise me you won't trust him."

"I already don't, but it's my job to keep Tommy away from danger, and I think a sword qualifies."

"I wasn't going to stab a baby. It was an intimidation tactic, I was intimidating the baby.".

Phil apparently thought that was a ridiculous thing to do, and he closed the door, leaving Techno on the porch.

The new neighbors were out in their yards.

The surly one two houses down with the business suit flipped him off as a way of greeting, while the strange guitar guy waved cheerfully, "accidentally" pointing a garden hose at the businessman in the process.

Technoblade hadn't bothered to learn either of their names. He neither liked nor trusted them, but they weren't the most important issue at hand.

No, the most important thing right now is figuring out how to end the Tommy Problem, so me and Phil can be unbothered and safe. I look after my family and no one else.

His days of living in our home are numbered.

-----------

Now, knowing your enemy is crucial to any conflict.

So, when Technoblade wasn't maintaining the old secret identity, exercising Steve, or looking after his collections of books and bones, he was gathering intel.

Unfortunately for him, babies were perhaps the most boring creatures in existence.

They couldn't speak, they couldn't move around much, they didn't have any kind of personal philosophy to argue against.

Even after two years of gathering information, he wasn't able to learn much about the thing's strengths, weaknesses, and motivations besides the basics:

Strengths: Phil's protecting him and might be a bit attached.

Weaknesses: A literal baby, untrained in combat.

Motivations: ??? An enigma.

He was a patient man, but two years of learning nothing was testing his patience. This was the only reason why he agreed to look after the toddler for an afternoon.

------------

Phil dropped Tommy off at Techno's house with very little prior warning.

Techno hadn't been expecting to ever have to look after a toddler, even for a couple of hours, and he reacted to the idea with reluctance.

"Why can't Wilbur do this again?"

“Because I’m leaving to go look for him. I had a concerning phone call, and Wilbur might be in trouble with the law or something worse. It’s a long story, but could you please watch Tommy for a little while?”.

Technoblade tried not to show his distaste for the idea of babysitting, and agreed.

All I have to do is keep him alive and unharmed for a couple of hours, hopefully learning more about what he is and why we have him. I can do that.

As soon as Phil left, he found a notebook and pen. He was going to take copious notes to make this worth it.

-------------

1:32 PM: The kid has just been released into my house. He immediately tried to fall down the basement stairs. I stopped him, but he's on the loose again.

1:45 PM: Note to self, add Unlimited Energy to the strengths column.

2:00 PM: Another round of are all children like this, or is it a supernatural thing! He apparently has the capacity to scream for five minutes straight without breathing. This is because he's upset that I won't let him on the basement stairs, which he has decided is the best part of the house because I don't want him there.

2:04 PM: On the loose once more.

2:15 PM: It's like someone released a miniature earthquake into my house. This thing is chaos incarnate loose on the mortal plane.

2:28 PM: he may or may not have a knife

2:29 PM: Crisis averted, he does not have a knife anymore.

2:33 PM: It has now been over an hour. The child is alive, my sanity is not.

2:46 PM: Steve likes him. He's an impeccable judge of character most of the time, wonder what went wrong. This would be kind of sweet, if it weren't for the fact that Phil might see that I googled if polar bears ate children.

2:47 PM: Just to clarify: Steve has not eaten the child at the time of this entry.

4:19 PM: You know what really annoys me? The voices haven't helped at all with this. I'd assume one of you would have some helpful advice, but it's just "blood for the blood god" and "E". I know that I didn't become the blood god by saying "Yeah, that seems like a reasonable amount of blood", but there are other things in life.

4:23 PM: I think I finally figured out something. The kid likes fire and (again, is that normal for human children??) and I'm exploding things at a safe distance. He's entertained, I'm getting rid of my spare Molotov cocktails, this is fine.

-------------

Techno put the notebook aside and lit another fuse.

He looked up to the window, where Steve was curled up around Tommy, stopping him from going anywhere.

He casually got out of the way of the explosion, let it happen, and ran back to the window nook in the house. Tommy was still grinning and staring at the crater in wonder.

I'm not completely failing at this.

At that moment, the doorbell rang.

Techno wasn't planning on answering it, but a certain guardian demon walked unsteadily into the house anyway.

Wilbur looked somewhat dazed, like he'd been through hell and back in the last three hours. One of his hands was hidden in his coat, but Technoblade was pretty sure he was covering a wound.

Tommy looked even more excited about seeing him than he was about the explosions, and he ran over, clinging on to Wilbur.

Despite the state he was in, he smiled down at the toddler.

Techno waited to the side for an explanation, not sure of the right way to ask someone if they'd been in an alleyway shootout recently.

Eventually, Wilbur looked up.

"If you see a man in a sonic onesie, kill him on sight."

"Heh?"

"Just some advice. Anyway, thank you so much for taking care of Tommy for these couple of hours, but I'm back."

"Wilbur, from what I can see you're going to pass out in five minutes. You're not going to look after a toddler."

"Excuse me, I haven't slept since the 19th century and I'm not starting now."

"What?"

"Ignore that. I sleep as much as humans do. The point is, I'm here to relieve you from your post.".

Technoblade thought about it.

On the one hand, the chaos gremlin would be removed from my house.

On the other hand, it's just my luck that someone only shows up once I figured out how to kind of deal with the situation.

Also, that guy's at least on Death's lawn if not his doorstep.

"I don't need you to swoop in and take the credit, but thanks. I've been handling this just fine on my own.". A puzzled expression flickered on Wilbur's face, but he eventually nodded.

"Fine. I guess."

"When you pass out in three minutes, try not to do it in the potato garden or the bush."

"Not going to do that, but sure thing.". With that, Wilbur slowly got Tommy to let go of him and left into the evening. Technoblade turned to the child.

"Alright, let's explode something else."

------------

A little later that night, a voicemail was sent to Phil.

"If you're still looking for Wilbur, you can stop. He's back, and he's not dead. I mean, he's not exactly dead.

Apparently, he got into a gunfight with Sonic the Hedgehog. He's in", and there was a muffled crash, followed by a long sigh from Techno as he stared at the wall in disappointment.

"He's in the bush. Please collect him. Also, please collect your actual child, he's tried to chew on a skull. Thanks.".

--------------

Since the first time looking after Tommy hadn't been a complete disaster, Techno didn't object when he was needed again.

After all, the more he learned, the more he theoretically grew closer to bringing their lives back to normalcy.

So, he was like 8% of Tommy's childhood. He was no Wilbur, but the kid was still part of his life.

Little traces of Tommy were everywhere in his house, except for the basement, which remained under lock and key.

The walls were scribbled on, the fridge raided too many times to count, and action figures hidden in every corner.

Whenever he got the chance, he'd find a way to test the kid for some kind of supernatural ability.

So far, Tommy was able to leave salt circles, touch iron and silver, didn't care when he cooked eggshells, and could absolutely enter places without being invited (in fact, that seemed like his favorite thing to do).

Technoblade was certain that Tommy wasn't human, but he had to admit that the likelihood of him being a spy was slim.

He seemed like a perfectly regular child, or as regular as the circumstances allowed.

Techno had met his share of liars and actors in his day (hell, his neighbors fit the criteria), but he'd never come across anything that could tell a lie that convincing.

-------------

One would expect the years to fly by for someone like Technoblade, since he'd seen so many of them.

However, time had never sped or slowed for him. The years always felt like the exact same length of time.

Still, it was odd how fast Tommy grew up.

The years still felt like plain old years, no faster or slower, but it was a surprise when Technoblade realized that the kid was seven already.

----------------

Tommy liked comic books where the heroes won, so Techno hadn't expected him to like Greek myths.

He'd only read them to him because he'd been demanding a story, and it was either the book of mythology or Sun Tzu's The Art of War.

Seeing as Tommy was a second-grader, military tactics went a bit over his head.

"So, Hades decided to let Orpheus leave the underworld with Eurydice under one condition: He couldn't look back to see if she was following him. If he doubted the gods and looked behind him before they both reached the sun, he would lose her forever."

"That's dumb."

"The gods don't like being doubted."

"If he goes into the underworld to get her back, they should be able to leave without some trick!"

"Yeah, the gods are also jerks sometimes.". Tommy curled up on the couch, trying to turn the page to find out what would happen next.

Techno had hoped that a story would calm him down, but his energy seemed even higher than before, since he was invested in the plot.

"Do they make it?"

"We're getting there. Orpheus walked back through Hades-"

"He walked through Hades?"

"Hades the place, not Hades the god. He named his kingdom after himself."

"That's not a good way to name a kingdom. I wouldn't want to live in a place named Tommyland, even if I did have a country. I should have a country."

“Tommy, you don’t want to run a government.”

"It isn't a government if it's all me!"

"That-That's absolute monarchy. That's worse."

"If you could, would you clone yourself? I would. I'd have a clone country."

"Do you want to find out what happens next in the story or not?". Tommy quickly nodded, and let Techno continue.

"Orpheus walked back through Hades, not knowing if Eurydice was behind him or not. He walked through the Elysian Fields, and the pits of Tartarus, and the endless wasteland of the shades of Asphodel."

"What's Asphodel?"

"Asphodel is where they put souls who weren't good or bad, but just kind of there. It's like the ancient Greek version of purgatory. They just stand in a meadow for all of eternity there."

"Sounds boring."

"It is. Anyway, Orpheus walked through all of Hades's kingdom. He could only hear his own footsteps and his breathing, and had no way of telling if Eurydice had followed.

When he crossed the river Styx, he asked the ferryman if there was anyone behind him, but Charon refused to answer him.

He got to the other side of the river, and all he had to do was walk through the tunnel to the surface."

"So he makes it?"

"We're getting there. Orpheus was almost to the surface, when things started to go badly for him in a special way. See, most Greek heroes are stopped by their hubris, but-"

"What's hubris?"

"Overconfidence. Arrogance. The type of person who'd try to take things from the gods instead of asking."

"Like Wilbur!"

"Exactly like Wilbur. But Orpheus was just built different.

Instead of being overconfident, his fatal flaw was doubting too much. He trusted no one, especially not himself.

So, just as he was about to step into the sun, he turned around to check if Eurydice was behind him.

And she was. She'd been behind him the whole time, but when he gave in to his doubts and turned to look, she disappeared forever.". Technoblade closed the book. Tommy was quiet, picking at a loose thread on a cushion.

"Is that it?"

"Yeah, that's basically the story."

"That's not fair. He goes down into the scariest place in the cosmos to get back the person he loves, and then loses because he turns around a couple feet from the finish line?"

"He gave into his fatal flaw. That's how most of these work."

"Hades probably knew that was his fatal flaw. And he chose that test to make him lose.". Techno blinked. He'd never thought about it that way.

"I mean, that's probably true. Like I said, the gods are jerks.". Tommy seemed disappointed by that, slumping and burying his face in Steve's fur.

"Do any of these have happy endings?".

Technoblade looked through the table of contents.

Achilles dies. Jason dies. Bellerophon dies. Atalanta got turned into a lion. Heracles and Icarus and Meleager all die. Even Theseus dies in disgrace. Seems like everyone dies, except-

"Perseus turns out okay.". Tommy brightened up a bit at that.

"Can you tell me about him?".

Technoblade found the right page and began telling the story of the man who got to go on a quest and survive.

The whole time, Tommy had his head on his shoulder, staring at the illustrations. Techno's arm fell asleep after a few minutes, but he neither noticed nor minded.

---------------

If anyone asked Techno if he cared about Tommy, he'd laugh in their face.

Of course he didn't! There was still a plan to get rid of him, it was just....delayed.

Once he grew up and went to college, he'd technically be out of the house. Which meant that the plan would still have paid off. Still a partial victory on his part.

Anyway, he'd say in very clear terms that he didn't care about Tommy. He was just some kid.

A kid that spent a lot of time at his house. A kid that he'd seen grow up. A kid that obviously cared about him.

The same kid that he taught how to throw a punch when he got into a fight at school, and which heroes corresponded to which constellations, and to call him whenever he needed help.

He'd say that he didn't care about that kid. But, out of the many liars he'd met over his long life, he was one of the worst.

And when Phil called him with a plan to make sure that Tommy stayed safe, he agreed, even though it would inconvenience him a fair bit.

Because above all else, Technoblade looked after his family.

#dream smp #dsmp #good omens au #c!technoblade #c!tommy #technoblade #bedrock bros #tommyinnit #writing #beware the drafts of march

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kittenshift-17 · 3 years

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I'm a fic writer and I'm currently starting to get writing burn out. do you have any tips for getting through this? (I'm even burnt out from reading fanfic, so I don't even know what I'm doing with my life at this point)

Oh my gosh, I have an answer for this!!! Mostly because I have been living that feeling for about 8 months now and I know it's killer.

So first thing I recommend is set aside a day for yourself where you have nowhere to be. You got plans, rearrange them. You're gonna take a nap. A long one.

Tell yourself the following about writing: "It will be there when I'm ready. No one is depending on my writing solely for their survival. My mental health matters too."

And then have a glass of warm milk or a chamomile tea if you're lactose intolerant. Go to the bedroom. Jig the temperature to whatever provides you optimal comfort - for me, it's fan on high, air con set to as cold as it goes, and (I shit you not) 9 blankets. It's a weight thing, but I'm too cheap to buy a weighted therapy blanket.

Anyway. Do these things. Tuck yourself in. If you have a lover, ask them to tuck you in and request a lingering forehead kiss if they don't offer one of their own volition. If you don't have a lover, grab a pillow, you're gonna wanna spoon that bad boy (I do this every night, much to Boyfee's amused irritation 🤣). Turn off your phone, or set it to silent with no alarms, no notifications, and no means for interrupting your nap before you're good and ready.

Now, if you're anything like me, 3 things are gonna try and happen. Either you're brain is gonna start pointing out that you're not tired and could be better using this time. Or it's gonna start the guilt-cycle about needing to write, to read, to be in any way productive. Or, the worst one, "all that bullshit" is gonna start with the gag-reel of guilt and regret and embarrassing memories from your past.

And no one wants that shit, so we're turning that part of the brain off. Here's my method:

1. Think about your story. No, not about how you said you'd have a chapter ready this week. Think about the story. The actual plot. The characters. The hook. Doesn't have to be your main WIP. It can be anything. Any story. Old. New. Freshly invented. Doesn't matter. The idea is to actively think about a story and engage your imagination. Think about the characters. Call their image forth in your mind. Do they have dark hair or light? Are they short or tall? What are they wearing? Why are they wearing goth-metal get-up? Are they undercover? Is it a phase? Have they finally hit on their signature look? It's kinda hot, right?

2. Think about their motives. What's the plot? Are they going somewhere? Why are they plotting world domination? Did they have too much Red Bull this morning? Is a sugar crash imminent? Are they diabetic? This could take a turn. Oh, hey look, hypoglycaemia has resulted in a hot doctor appearing on the scene! No one should look this good in scrubs, right? It's literally not fair. Wait... hot doctor is saying something. They have a nice voice.

3. Let your imagination run wild. You don't need to remember the details. Pretend it's a dream until it becomes one. If you wake up with the burning urge to write, all the better, but that's not the point of this exercise, so don't be afraid to think up crazy shit you would never dream of writing. The goal is to trick the brain into pleasant distraction and to lull yourself to sleep.

4. When you wake up, take it slow. You've got nowhere to be. You took the day for you. It's a weekend. Chill. You don't have to get out of bed for another 4 hours if you don't want to.

5. When you do get up, find your favourite movie from the last decade. Grab yourself a cup of tea or a juice, something to snack on (sandwich is my go-to), throw on the movie, and watch it. Sit down, snack, and enjoy something you've loved for a long time. If you're not a TV person, seek out songs more than 5 years old on your play list. I recently tried this and happened upon all the songs I was listening to when I started a bunch of my oldest WIPs and shook a bunch of new ideas loose.

6. Go for a walk. If you're unable to walk, find a way to get out of the house, be it walk, roll or hobble. Go to a park and cruise around for half an hour. Take it slow. Remember, you have nowhere to be today. This is your you-day. You're here for nature and fresh air, not exercise. This is purely a Zen moment. Find a park bench and cop a sit for a while. Look at the other people in the park. What are they up to? Is that a Mum's group jogging by with strollers? A little old couple sharing an ice-cream? Are those ducks in the pond? They're cute, right? They like sweetcorn and lettuce. You should come to the park more often and bring them some lettuce to munch on.

7. Think about your writing some more. This time, the process of it, and what drew you to the hobby, rather than stories and plots. Why are you working on your WIP? Do you enjoy it, or has it become a chore? This is supposed to be a hobby, right? You're giving your hard-written words away for free if you're writing fanfic, so why are you busting yourself to meet self-imposed deadlines? Do you even still like your characters? The plot? Do you want to invest the effort of continuing the tale?

8. Say these words to yourself: "It's okay if I've had enough."

9. Say them again. "It's okay if I've had enough."

10. When you go home, don't do any writing today. Indulge another hobby. Draw a picture, even if you're not very good at it. Knit something. Glue tubes of spaghetti to paper if you want. Play the sims, or valheim, or candy crush. Literally anything that isn't writing. Find something else to do. Engage a different part of your brain. You're tired of the same old fandom, same old characters, same old tropes and same tired stories. That's okay. That's human nature.

The important thing to remember is that you're in control. You have the power. If you never want to write another word, that's okay, you know? If you want to write something else, something different, something fresh, do it! I do it all the time. I cycle through WIPs for 18 different fandoms just to keep things fresh and avoid burn out on any one story, trope, or fandom. Switching to a new fandom is like flipping over a rock and finding a live snake underneath - terrifying, but damn it gets your heart racing!

And this can be applied for non-writers too. Your life is up to you to navigate. You're the captain of your own ship and you owe no one anything beyond basic respect, kindness and decency. Speaking as someone who's job has been ruining her life for 8 months and burning me out so much that between September and December, I didn't write a damn word because I was all outta spoons making it through each work day, I get it more than I ever hoped I would.

The best way to stave off burn out is to force a hard reset of yourself. If you're worried about backlash from your readers if you take a break, post to notify them that you're taking a small hiatus for your mental health. Anyone who minds terribly much and is rude about it needs to remember that life is already hard, and they need not add to it.

Trust me, love, no one will mind overly much if you need a rest. Take a nap. Take a walk. Feed the ducks. And dive into something else you enjoy for a few days. I've found some of my best writing falls out of a factory-reset inside my own head. Maybe you will too.

Xx-Kitten

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1248

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? I feel like I’ve answered a similar situation recently, but I would assume it was a drunk text or wrong text, inform them about it, and move on.

Do you play video games? Nah. I do feel a sort of connection of video games since I grew up surrounded by them, though; but I’m more of a watcher than anything. I like watching playthroughs of video games I’ll never play. Do you spend a lot of time with family? No. We used to, back when the quarantine was still a relatively new thing – we hung out in the living room all the time. But now that we’ve settled in this new normal, we’re back to our normal routines and I usually like staying in my room.

Is your house more than two stories tall? Technically, yes. We have a rooftop that serves as the ‘third’ floor.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? My ex and I never hit one another; that’s a gigantic red flag even I would notice, considering I ignored most of the ones I saw hahaha.

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) I’m not sure if I’ll be able to answer this question directly, but I like my generosity. I’m not sure if I can call it attractive, though. But if we were focusing on physical features, I like my smile.

What color is your hairbrush/comb? Pink.

What snacks do you have available in your household atm? My dad splurged on chips in his last grocery run so we actually have quite a lot of junk food in the pantry at the moment. He also bought several packs of cookie sandwiches, wafers, sunflower seeds, and garlic-flavored peanuts.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? Neither.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No, she’s just a good friend of mine.

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? I guess I don’t, because I’m not even aware of them.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? Guy. It was another reporter, so I just ignored it and luckily he didn’t PM me just to ask to add him back, which others have already done. I really hate when work people try to make their way into my personal accounts.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My parents, especially when they are rude to service crew. Gen X-ers are impeccably talented at that, apparently.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? Around two or three weeks ago when I had dinner at Angela’s. Her dad gave me a bar of Crunch so I can have something sweet after our meal.

Do you play any games on Facebook? No, I never did hop on that trend.

What would you like to get a degree in? I wanted a degree in journalism, and graduated with such. At the end of my college stint I didn’t want to pursue it anymore, but I pushed through with it anyway because it was too much of a hassle to shift and start all over.

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Technically not, because I stay up until the middle of the night anyway. It’s been a while since I fell asleep anywhere between 8 to 10 PM.

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Watch a show.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? I don’t like either; I get fries instead.

What genre of films do you like the best? Drama.

How many bank accounts do you have? Two but I haven’t been using the other one in months. That was the bank account I initially opened when I first started ~adulting~ but when I got employed I was required to enroll in this other specific bank, so that’s what I mainly use now.

Have you ever had the flu? Not really. I just get the occasional fever that pop out of nowhere.

What is your goal for the next few months? Start saving FOR REAL, and also prioritizing furniture over merch for a while so I can finally fix up my room, which is quickly starting to look and feel like just a warehouse and not very homey at all.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? Nope.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. Yeah, it was from barbecue that apparently went bad, even though it tasted nothing of the sort. I woke up at 3 AM sweating profusely and with the most excruciating stomachache; I was feeling hot, cold, and nauseous all at the same time, and it probably lasted for like an hour or so.

What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Sealed albums and my pets’ vet expenses.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. Charming and smart.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? It felt nice to help people.

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? Good question; I’ve never encountered this before. I would let her live a more comfortable, privileged life, where she didn’t have to staple her shoes to keep them closed or have to choose between eating at a fast food restaurant or being able to commute back home.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I’m not sure, actually. Everyone’s always slightly taller than me.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? I haven’t.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? Tumblr, I guess? My survey blog isn’t for any irls to see.

Which is worse: dusting or mopping? I don’t really do either often, but I’ll go with mopping.

Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? Not for me.

Did you pull a senior prank? No, that’s not a thing here. Did you graduate? Yeah, elementary, high school, and college.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope.

What was the last song you listened to? It’s a song called Epiphany.

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? Not ever since I was like 9 lol.

Is fashion one of your interests? I’m way more interested in it now for sure, mostly because the celebrities I’m into these days put a lot of effort when it comes to their style; so it makes me more aware of the trends that come and go, as well.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? I’m keeping it as a possibility, but it’s not a priority for me now.

Do you care what people think? To an extent, I would say. My life doesn’t depend on it, though.

Is acting something you enjoy? Never been.

What was the last thing you broke/sprained? Do you mean a thing or a body part? Anyway, I’ll answer both. The last thing I broke was my BTS Mic Drop pen of V looooooooooool the figurine came off the pen :(( It was pretty cheap though so I’m fine with it; I can always get another one. Last body part I sprained was my ankle, when I had a bad fall a couple of years ago.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? Either hasn’t happened.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? I don’t think so.

Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at? Angela’s. Also JM’s, just because their family doesn’t hover and that vibe can sometimes be nice whenever I’m at someone else’s place.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? Never.

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? Not as a very young kid, but I took up table tennis starting when I was 12. Did you ever watch the show Full House? Nope.

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? Now that’s just delusional haha. I’m pretty obsessed with some celebrities, that much I can admit; but thinking of them in the context of marriage is so many steps overboard.

Have you ever burned someone’s picture? No. I could, but I am scared of fire and will probably just think of other ways to express my anger, like tearing up the photograph. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? Total length was probably like 3 hours. I haven’t gone too far when it comes to hiking.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo? Not interested.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Hans.

Do your parents smoke cigarettes? My mom tried it once in her life, I think. My dad has never smoked.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? “Hope right here!”

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Anything that’s supposed to roam freely in the wild, like squirrels.

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Taller, since I’m already quite pint-sized to begin with lol.

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. < Agree, especially with the eras. Childhood photos are always fun to look at, but I have had to delete a CHUNK of photos from years ranging from 2014 to 2020 because I’ve lost a handful of friends from that period.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? It’s hard to for the most part, but I’ve noticed very few people people really don’t. Most of the time it’s bullshit though.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? That it’s pretty close to the metro.

What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? Hmm, I prefer TV shows if I’m craving comedy.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? Life Is Beautiful.

What’s your favorite restaurant? Omakase for my sushi fix; School Tteokbokki if I want Korean; Yabu if I’m looking for a generous rice meal.

Is there a dessert you don’t like? Anything with fruits.

Favorite album? After Laughter by Paramore.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? I can name authors instead of books – John Green and Haruki Murakami.

Underwater or outer space? Outer space.

Dogs or cats? Dogs.

Kittens or puppies? Puppies.

Bird watching or whale watching? Whale watching. I don’t get to be in the water as much, so I would jump at the opportunity.

What is your spirit animal? I dunno if I have one but let’s just go with dog and elephant, I guess? They’re my favorites.

What was your best subject in school? History.

What was your worst subject in school? Chemistry.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? Don’t waste your time.

Who is your fashion icon? Audrey Hepburn.

Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds.

What color dress did you wear to prom? For my own prom it was cream-colored/beige. When I went to Mike’s ball, I went with a royal blue gown.

What’s your favorite plot-twist? I don’t think I’ve found my favorite yet.

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Not actively.

Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? I dunno...road rage, maybe?

Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad? It’s very likely.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Sometime in the last week.

Ever pop someone else’s pimple? No thanks.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? Nope.

Who are you closest to? Angela.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No, all the ones I’ve been to have been amazing experiences.

Are you currently sad about anything? Not really. I can’t complain.

Have you had any form of exercise today? Nah.

Can you handle blood? Nope, I will feel faint if I see it 100%.

Has any place hired you underage for a job? No.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? I haven’t.

Are you currently searching for a job? No, I like the one I have.

Does eating breakfast make you sick? No?

#survey #surveys

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fuck-customers · 4 years

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If I Sound Aggressive, That's On You Pal.

Okay! Haven't posted a long one in a while but I feel this time it's warranted and I need to add some context.

Our store moved recently, due to corporate building an entirely new store literally a five minute walk away from the old one, that's been around for about forty years, give or take. About six months into my working at the old store, after observing whoever made the closing announcements and finding that sometimes people forgot to do the proper ones at the right time, ending up with more customers still in the store by closing, I took it upon myself to do the closing announcements, which worked for everyone because a) I was always on time, and b) I had a script that I had down to a science, and it goes a little something like this:

{{Attention Darc's shoppers! The time is now 8:45, the store will be closing in fifteen minutes. We ask that you begin to make your final selections and bring them up to the registers at this time, as they will be shutting down shortly. For your shopping convenience, the store will be open again tomorrow at 7:00am, but for now it is 8:45, the store will be closing in fifteen minutes. We thank you for shopping at Darc's on [Street Name], we hope you have a good night!}}

As time went on and I stayed at the store -- not out of loyalty, but because no where else will hire me despite nearly three years of applications, and thanks to Corona, I won't be hired anywhere else pretty much ever -- I was given the leniency to do the announcements as early as thirty minutes before closing, and then do them by fifteen, ten, and five minutes to closing. I'd even throw in the "three minute warning" announcement before locking the door and then the closing announcement to finish it off.

Due to this, we'd normally be successful in getting the last customers out of the store right before or right after we closed officially (not counting the holidays or the stubborn assholes who wanted to try and get "one last thing" but I digress).

HOWEVER; since we moved to this new location, the managers have said we need to stick to the fifteen, ten, five minute interval announcements. During my shifts, I normally take over, but we still have remaining customers ten minutes after close and it's really fucking annoying. And since Corona finally hit my state, corporate has issued a state wide hour change that means we close by 7:00pm instead of 9:00pm, which, somehow, is confusing to everyone else, despite all the signs we have plastered everywhere, from the walls to the doors to the cash registers themselves. But customers are stupid hapless creatures, I suppose I must give them a tiny bit of leniency.

Recently, because people have been keeping us ten to fifteen minutes after close ringing them out, especially now, I decided to do the closing announcements twenty minutes before close, and doing them in five minute intervals, thinking perhaps if I gave them extra warning, perhaps we would have everyone out by 7:00pm -- no dice.

Instead, what happened was, someone called my manager to COMPLAIN, that my announcements sounded AGGRESSIVE, and "if we really have twenty minutes until you close, why do I have to make my final selections now??? That's Not Fair!" (I'm imagining this complaint in a super whiny Karen voice because who else would complain about this, God Forbid you remember us employees are human beings RISKING OUR LIVES just so you can get some garlic bread, you smelly ass cunt.)

And honestly? I've had a lot of people say I sound very polite and professional when I make the announcements, though I do tend to sound a lot firmer when we're actually closed, because no one has any fucking excuse to show up at a grocery store five minutes until closing, like what the fuck is wrong with y'all. I even had like a dozen people in the last year alone tell me I should work at Lazer Quest because I sounded like a good announcer. So now I'm insulted on top of pissed that some whiny pissbaby felt insulted at being reminded that we close at a certain time and we want everyone out by that time so we can go home at a reasonable hour.

Anyway, I'm now not allowed to make the closing announcements for a few shifts just to appease the bastard who complained, which means we run a risk of people not making the announcements at all due to being on the phone, or missing the time, and then people are gonna be even more angry when SOMEONE finally makes the final announcement because "We didn't give anyone a warning".

I hate this grocery store. I hate my managers. I hate corporate. I hate customers. I hate retail. I wanna burn this place to the ground, preferably with me in it, and then maybe I can be sent to a paradise where retail doesn't exist, and all the asshole customers are being pitchforked up the ass.

#tw #trigger warning #submissions #fuck customers #cashier problems #fuck retail #fuck managers #submission

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lacquerware · 3 years

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2020 Recap - My Year in Gaming

2020. What a year for video games. I had big plans for last year, but in the end I did very little besides play video games, and I don’t think I’m alone there since we were all stuck at home looking for a way out of reality. I wanted to do a year-end recap as I’ve done sporadically in past years, but this one will be different than the typical “Games of the Year” format because despite all the games I played in 2020, almost none of them came out in 2020, and some of the things that defined my year in gaming weren't even games.

Resident Evil 3 Remake (PS4)

RE3 was one of the only games I played in 2020 that didn’t coincide with the deadly pandemic's spread across the US. RE3 is, of course, a game about the spread of a deadly virus in Anytown, USA. It was an appetizer, I guess.

When the Resident Evil 2 remake dropped in 2019, there were some things I loved about it, and a few things that felt like steps back from the original. I feel much the same about RE3. I had also theorized that a Resident Evil 3 remake would be better off as RE2 DLC than as a separate full-length game, and considering how short RE3 turned out, with some of the best sections of hte original cut entirely (namely, the clock tower), I stand by my theory.

Oh well, at least Jill gets this rad gun, which for the time being is the closest thing to a new Lost Planet we can hope for anytime soon.

Sekiro (PS4)

Sekiro is the first video game I ever Platinumed. This is partly because conquering the base game was such a spartan exercise that going the extra mile to get the Platinum didn’t seem so bad, but it’s also surely a result of the pandemic. I needed a project and a big win. Who didn't?

I wrote at length about why I like Sekiro more than every other modern FromSoft game, and also about the game’s cherry-on-top moment that reminded me of blowing up Hitler’s face in Bionic Commando. Please read them!

Death Stranding (PS4)

Release date notwithstanding, this was obviously the Game of 2020. I wrote about it here, here, and here. This game bears the distinction of being the second one I ever Platinumed. It took 150 hours. Only then did I learn I had a hoverboard.

Streets of Rage 4 (PS4)

This is the only 2020 game I played for more than a few hours. In fact, I cleared the entire game at least five times. I still don’t think it captures the gritty aesthetic of the prior Streets of Rages (nor even tries to), but this is probably the best-feeling bup I've played. Huge bonus points for finally bringing back Adam, but in the end I found it hard not to pick Blaze every time.

Blaster Master Zero 2 (Switch)

What impressed me about this sequel from Inti Creates was that it wasn’t just more of the same, even though that would've been fine. BMZ2 builds on its already excellent predecessor with a catchy new format where players can freely cruise the cosmos and stages take the varied form of planets—some big and sprawling, others short and sweet. Hopping at will from planet to planet without ever knowing what experiences and treasure each one held felt like system jumping in No Man’s Sky and island hopping in The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, both of which felt like opening presents.

Dragon Force (Saturn)

Charming, satisfying, and addictive as a bag of chips. Unlike a bag of chips, when it’s over, you can do it all again. And again. And it’ll be different each time! This might be the first strategy game I've truly loved. Better late than never.

The PC Engine Mini

The PC Engine/TurboGrafx-16 Mini seems a particularly justifiable mini-console for people outside Japan because so many missed these consoles entirely, the games are hard to obtain, and the lineup includes titles spanning the entire convoluted Turbo/PC Engine ecosystem—the TurboGrafx-CD/CD-ROM², Super CD-ROM², Arcade CD-ROM² and SuperGrafx, in addition to plain, old standard HuCard games. I myself didn’t know the first thing about these systems before. It’s like reliving the nineties again for the first time.

Most of the titles included are simple action games that don't require a command of Japanese, but make no mistake: being able to understand Snatcher and TokiMemo does make me feel like an elite special person worth more than many of you.

(Side note: From a gender representation perspective, the difference between Snatcher and Death Stranding is stark. Virtually every interaction with every woman or girl in Snatcher is decorated with ways to sexually harass her. Guess someone finally had a conversation with our favorite auteur.)

A Gaming PC

I’d threatened to transition to PC gaming for years after beholding the framerate difference between the console and PC versions of DmC in 2012, and last July I finally took the leap, buying an ASUS “Republic of Gamers” (ugh) laptop with an NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2070 Max-Q GPU. It seems like consoles are getting more PC-like all the time, especially with all these half-step iterations that splinter performance and sometimes even the feature set (à la the New 3DS and Switch Lite), so with the impending new generation seemed like a fine time to change course.

In the half-year since, I’ve barely played a single PC game more recent than 2013, but just replaying PS3-era games at high settings has been like rediscovering them for the first time.

I also finally experienced keyboard-and-mouse shooting and understand now why PC gamers think they're better than everyone else. Max Payne is a completely different game with a mouse. Are all shooters like this??

The USPS

Early in the year, I rediscovered my childhood game shop, Starland, which is now an online hub known as eStarland.com with a brick-and-mortar showroom. To my delight, it has become one of the best and most modestly priced sources for import Saturn games in the country, and I scored Shining Force III’s second and third episodes, long missing from my collection, for a mere ten bucks each!

In June, I treated myself to a trio of Saturn imports from eStarland: the tactics-meets-dating-sim mashup Sakura Taisen 2, the nicely presented RTS space opera Quo Vadis 2, and beloved gothic dungeon crawler Baroque. Miraculously, this haul amounted to just around thirty dollars total. Less miraculously, they never arrived. This was the second time I’d had something lost in the mail in my entire life, and also the second time that month. Something was wrong with the USPS, and it wasn’t just COVID pains. We would soon learn Trump had been actively working to sabotage one of the nation’s oldest and most reliable institutions in a plot to compromise the upcoming presidential election.

Frankly it’s a miracle there’s still such a thing as “delivery” at all, and a few missing video games is the last of my worries considering what caused it, but nevertheless this was an experience in my gaming life that could not have happened any other year. I won’t forget it.

*By the way, USPS reimbursed me for the insured value of the missing order, which was fifty bucks. So I actually profited a little off the experience.

Mega Everdrive Pro

I love collecting for the Genesis and Mega Drive, but I will not pay hundreds of dollars for a video game that retailed for about sixty. The publishers never asked for that, and the developers won’t see a (ragna)cent of the money. I'm also far less inclined to start collecting for Sega CD, since the hardware is notoriously breakable, the cases are huge and also breakable, and the library just isn't that good.

Still, I'd been increasingly curious about the add-on as an interesting piece of Sega history, so when I learned Ukranian mad scientist KRIKzz had released a new Mega Everdrive that doubled as a Sega CD FPGA, I finally took the plunge into the world of flash carts. This has proven a great way to play some of the Mega Drive’s big-ticket rarities I will never buy—namely shmups like Advanced Busterhawk Gley Lancer and Eliminate Down—as well as try out prospective additions to the collection. I never would have discovered the phenomenal marvel of engineering and synth composition that is Star Cruiser without this thing, but now that I have, it’s high on the shopping list.

The Mega Everdrive Pro is functionally nearly identical to TerraOnion’s “Mega SD” cartridge, but slightly less expensive, comes in a “normal” cartridge shell instead of the larger Virtua Racing-style one, and supports a single hardworking dude in Ukraine rather than a company with reportedly iffy customer service.

Twitch

Getting a PC also resolved issues that had long prevented me from achieving a real streaming setup, and much of my gaming life in 2020 was about ramping up my streaming efforts. I even made Affiliate in about a month. Streaming has been a great creative outlet and distraction, as well as a way to connect with other people during the COVID depression and structure my gaming time. Find me every Monday through Thursday 8-11pm Eastern at twitch.tv/lacquerware.

Metroid: Other M (Dolphin)

PC ownership also gave me access to the versatile Dolphin emulator, liberating a handful of great Wii exclusives from their disposable battery-powered prison.

One of the Wii games I fired up on Dolphin was Metroid: Other M, a game I’d always wanted to try but had been dissuaded by years of bad publicity and the fact that I never had any goddamn batteries. I know I should temper what I’m about to say by acknowledging that I was playing at 1080p/60fps on a PS4 controller so my experience was automatically a vast improvement over that of all Wii players, but I’m increasingly confident Metroid: Other M was the most fun I’ve ever had playing a Metroid game. I haven’t decided yet if I’m willing to die on this hill, but I will just say that if you like the Metroidvania genre in general and aren’t particularly attached to the Metroid series’ story or its habit of making you wander aimlessly for hours, there’s a very high chance you will enjoy Other M—especially if you play it on Dolphin.

Don't Starve Together (PC)

Don't Starve is the only game my friend Jason plays, so last year I tried to get into it with him. I respect this game's singular devotion to the concept of survival, but make no mistake: every session of Don't Starve ends with you starving to death. Or freezing. Or getting stomped by a giant deity of the forest. The entire game is staving off death until it inevitably comes. Even when death comes, you can revive infinitely (in whatever mode we were playing), which means even death is not an end goal. There is no end goal. You don't even have the leeway to "play" and create your own meaning as you do in similarly zen games like Dead Rising.

Don't Starve is a game for people for whom hard work is the ultimate reward in and of itself. Don't Starve told me something about Jason.

G-Darius (PS1)

In the early fall, Sony announced they were dropping PS3, PSP, and Vita support from the browser and mobile versions of their PSN Store, and since the PS3 version of the store app runs like a solar-powered parking meter in Seattle, I decided this was my last chance to stock up on Japanese PSN gems.

Among my final haul, the PS1 port of G-Darius proved an instant favorite. Take down the usual cast of mechanized fish in a vibrant, chunky, low-poly style that perfectly inhabits the constraints of the original PlayStation hardware. I believe this is the first Darius game that lets you get into giant beam duels with the bosses, which is quite definitely one of the coolest things a video game has ever let you do. The PS1 port is also surprisingly feature-rich, including some easier difficulty levels that present an actually surmountable challenge for non-savants.

This one’s coming to the upcoming Darius Cozmic Revelation collection on Switch alongside DARIUSBURST, a good-ass romp in its own right.

Red Entertainment

In my effort to shine a tiny spotlight on some of the unsung Interesting Games of gaming, I found myself drawn again and again to the work of Red Entertainment. First there were cavechild headbutt simulator Bonk’s Adventure and twin shmups Gates of Thunder and Lords of Thunder on the PC Engine Mini. Then I streamed full playthroughs of the PS2’s best samurai-era, off-brand 3D Castlevania, Blood Will Tell and the Trigun-adjacent stand-‘n-gun, Gungrave: Overdose. Then I was dazzled by Bonk’s Adventure’s futuristic spin-off cute-‘em-up, Air Zonk, which was also sneakily tucked away on my PC Engine Mini in the “TurboGrafx-16” section. It turned out all these games were made by the same miracle developer responsible for Bujingai, the stylish PS2 wushu game starring Gackt and a household name here at the Lacquerware estate. How prolific can one team be???

Month of Cyberpunk

In November, I started toying with the idea of themed months on my Twitch channel with “Cyberpunk month.” It was supposed to be a build-up to Cyberpunk 2077’s highly anticipated November release, but holy shit that didn’t happen, did it? Still, I always find myself gravitating toward this genre in November, I guess because I associate November with gloom (even though this year it was sunny almost every day). A month is a long time to adhere to a single theme, but cyberpunk is such a well-served niche in gaming that I could easily start an all-cyberpunk Twitch channel. The fact that we’re so spoiled with choice makes Cyberpunk 2077’s terrible launch all the more embarrassing. Here are just some of the games I played (and streamed!) in November:

Ghostrunner Shadowrun (Genesis) RUINER Remember Me Transistor Rise of the Dragon (Sega CD) Shadowrun (Mega CD) Cyber Doll (Saturn) Binary Domain Shadowrun Returns Blade Runner (PC) Deus Ex: Human Revolution Deus Ex: Mankind Divided Observer

Shadowrun on the Genesis gets my top pick, but the two most recent Deus Ex games are great alternatives for those looking for something in the vein of 2077 that isn’t infested with termites.

Lost Planet 2

Every year. I played through it twice in 2020.

Dead Rising 4

I slept on this one too long. While it's a far cry from the original game, it's easily the most fun I've had with a Christmas game since Christmas NiGHTS. This is the game a lot of people thought they were getting when they bought the original Dead Rising with their new Xbox 360--goofy, indulgent, and pressure-free.

Devil May Cry 5: Vergil (PS4)

Vergil dropped for last-gen consoles in December and breathed a whole lot of life into a game that was already at the head of its class.

Nioh 2

I’ve only played a few hours of Nioh 2 because I promised my friend I’d co-op it with him and wouldn’t play ahead. But he’s a grad student with two small children. Nevertheless, Nioh 2 is my Game of 2020.

And that's it! Guess I'll spend 2021 playing games that came out last year, and maybe eventually getting vaccinated? Please?

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lxvesickreality · 4 years

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mistakes 3/4

Request: same request from first one

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Warnings: angst, heavy swearing, again angst because this is nothing but angst except for the tiniest bit of fluff near the end

Word Count: 2777

Add on: i have been inactive lately due to lack of inspiration so hopefully i can regain it with the tips given to me by @queenofthehairharrington << go check out those imagines! also, the inspiration that has been hitting a bit recently hasn’t included the requests so i may take a break from them and come back to the later. thanks for all the support and 200 followers<3

gif is NOT mine, full credit to owners

8 hours, 17 minutes, 47 seconds

That’s how long the team had left to find his missing wife. With the video sent out just a few hours ago, it’d felt like an eternity to Steve. His wife was gone, somewhere with a death threat stuck on her back and there was no clue leading the way to her location. He couldn’t stop picturing the look on Y/N’s face when her eyes finally made their way to the camera. She was terrified, absolutely frightened and there was no nope shining in her e/c eyes that he loved so much. It was the first thing he fell in love with which sounds incredibly cheesy but the moment he looked into them, he saw the curiosity that was up in flames. He told her before, “Curiosity killed the cat,” but she laughed at him and said, “But satisfaction brought it back,”. In the beginning for them, it was full of honesty, loyalty, passion, and her curiosity, of course. Then it turned to hell all because of him and his stupid mistakes.

“We’re going to find her, Steve. Don’t give up,” Steve was sat outside on the grass looking out into the lake by his home, watching the ducks being fed by Sam and the others out in the middle of the lake. It was beautiful at dawn with the sun rising from just over at the other end of the lake. He knew by sitting here he was just losing time but he had to take a breather.

Finally, his blue eyes that had a hint of green reached up to stare at his best friend, sadness pooling in his eyes, “How do you know that, Bucky? We’ve got 8 hours. We’ve already lost so much time.” his voice cracked, new tears setting in.

“Because I just know. C’mon, get up,” his best friend repeatedly shook his head, refusing to get up from his spot. He wasn’t ready to head back inside to face the team who still gave them expressions of disappointment. He would do that to himself as well, he cheated and he deserved everything he got from them. He didn’t treat his woman right. 1940′s Steve would be severely displeased with the modern Steve. He promised his wife he wouldn’t hurt her, he’d protect her at all costs even if it meant the cost was his life and he downright failed 100%. If they get her, he doubted she will want to be with him especially with his luck nowadays.

“I made a huge mistake, Buck, a fucking huge one,” Bucky wasn’t used to Steve using this vulgar language and he usually was the one to tell everyone to stop but his friend was hurt and broken. Steve had stopped a few inches from where Bucky was and he faced his best friend, the tears falling down bit by bit that held the intense sadness forming in his heart. He really has given up, Bucky thought. “I don’t even think she’ll come back to me after all of this, back to our home we just finished building a few months ago. Bucky, why am I such a big idiot? I don’t know what was running through my mind. I mean I fought against Sharon the first few times she did it but the last time...I caved.”

“Steve,” Bucky laid a hand reassuringly on his shoulder. “you wanna know what Y/N told Tony and Natasha? She said it’d take time but with that given time, she’ll learn to forgive you. She loves you, she married you, Steve. She’ll come around and we will find her. Natasha thinks she has a lead so come on. Dry up those big, fat tears and go talk to her. One step closer.”

“So we know where she is?” Steve questioned as him and Bucky arrive to the conference room the team was in minus Sam and Wanda.

Natasha shook her head,”Not exactly, but I have an idea. Tony, bring up the video and pause it when he shows the timer.” Tony nodded and almost immediately had the video up at the right spot. “See those designs on the door handle? They’re made specially in Alaska and only Alaska. We’ve got it narrowed down to very few cities but even then, we still have to find the exact place.”

“I know where that is at.” Wanda reveals. Steve felt a rush of relief slither its way down his body and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, we got you, Y/N.

“Lets go then, what are we waiting for?”

“There isn’t an entrance, Steve. They somehow zap themselves in and out of the building and it’s underground.”

Steve felt the walls crumble around him and the small sliver of hope he was just given was ripped away just as quick it was given to him. Reality seemed so far away from him all of a sudden, Bucky’s voice was like an echo and Steve’s heart felt like it was going to burst out if it got any faster. There was no more hope. They were at 7 hours already and she was all the way in Alaska plus Bruce would most likely have to build something to get inside of this building which could take days. He may not even have the equipment for it. It was over, he’d lost his wife for good and in just a few hours, he will be a widow. She was going to dead.

Steve forced his way through the part of the team behind him, running out of the conference room with the heaviest heart that hung as low as the moon and it was turned to blue, color of the sadness and devastation he felt. It was over. She was gone. He could vaguely hear his best friend behind him, yelling and begging for him to stop what he was doing but honestly, Steve didn’t even know what he was doing. He couldn’t stop running or that was until Pepper made an appearance and Steve tripped. With the loud bang of him hitting his head off the wall echoing, it went dark for him and he was pulled into a dream.

Today was the day. The wedding day. Steve had waited 3 years to marry this woman and he couldn’t be happier to do so. He met her on the day of the battle against Loki and he’d saved her from getting killed when she ran out into the road to help him. Steve took one glance at her e/c eyes that sparkled as the sun beamed down on the both of them and he knew he was going to marry this brave woman who tried to save someone she didn’t know. Fury must’ve thought something similar and decided to have her join S.H.I.E.L.D. after witnessing the fight she did.

To say Steve was nervous was an understatement, he was anxious and tense as he wanted the wedding to go well without an interference of work. Fury promised there was no upcoming missions nor was there nobody trying to take over the world. The wedding day was spontaneous, they’d had the whole wedding details planned out before picking a day because of the line of work they both had so when there was an available day for everyone, Steve set it all up where the love of his life chose. A fall wedding, in the woods where they found a clearing close to their favorite place; the waterfall where the first ‘i love you’ was exchanged, the first kiss, and their first intimate time.

The ceremony was beautiful, she was beautiful. The dress was snug and tight at her breasts and torso until it got to her waist where it flowed nicely to the ground and the trail was a few feet long covered in a white lace design. The back was open where he could feel her soft skin when he dipped her to kiss her dark shade of pink stained lips but his favorite part was the little tiara she wore to keep the train in place that was layered with sapphire stones. She was his queen and he was her king now.

“I love you, Steven Grant Rogers.”

“I love you too, Y/N M/N Rogers.”

5 hours, 54 minutes, 27 seconds

“Bruce, I think he’s waking up! Steve? Rogers?” Steve’s eyes fluttered open shining his bright blue eyes that held the hint of green in them but was already beginning to hold tears in. His head throbbed in pain as the memory of him hitting his head came rushing back quickly.

“Hey, bud, you had all of us worried there for a moment.” Bucky said, coming into view from behind Natasha.

Blinking rapidly, he shot up from the plain white bed, “How long was I out for? How much time do we have left?”

“Steve, that’s not important right now. The rest of the team is working on it and you need to rest. You have a minor concussion that needs to be nursed a like a raging hangover.”

“How long, Bucky?”

“5 hours and 48 minutes.” said his best friend sulking in defeat. “But you need to relax, Steve.”

“Relax? RELAX? Bucky, my fucking wife is out there probably beaten to a fucking bloody ass pulp and barely hanging on. I am not going to lay down and ‘nurse’ a fucking minor concussion that will not affect my help in this. My wife will come out alive, Bucky. Now, help me go help Bruce. We have to find a way into there.”

“We already found a way.”

Steve’s eyes shot to his best friend but the appearance of guilt that had a mix of satisfaction stopped the hope that was trying to worm its way to his heart. He’d done something stupid. “What did you do, Buck?”

“I told H.Y.D.R.A. I’d come back if they gave us Y/N. They said they’d do it as long as you don’t fight back.”

“YOU WHAT?”

The two boys continued to fight and bicker about Bucky’s well being, both of them oblivious to Natasha and Tony running in there yelling something at them they weren’t able to comprehend. Steve was beyond furious, no word can describe the anger he had. Giving himself to H.Y.D.R.A? Was he stupid? That was a stupid question to ask because clearly he was.

“You lost all hope to find your wife, Steve. We all did!”

Steve nostrils flared with anger, “And you think I don’t know that? I’ve already lost her. How am I supposed to cope with the loss of you too?” Bucky let his eyes focus on the floor instead of looking into his best friends eyes. He was incredibly angry with him but he didn’t care. His wife mattered a lot to everyone and he wasn’t going to stand by and act like he couldn’t do anything to help it. H.Y.D.R.A. has wanted him from the beginning, he can endure a few more years with them if it meant Steve got his happiness back. “I can’t believe you did this, Buck,”

“I’d do anything for my best friend, Steve. Even if it meant enduring just a little bit more pain.”

“They’re here,” Natasha announced, catching the boys’ attention and Steve’s facial expression went blank. Nobody could tell what he was thinking or feeling, it just seemed like he was empty with no feelings at all and they didn’t know what was worse. Not knowing what he was going to do or knowing what he was going to do. He had a plan, Natasha could see that and so could everyone else as they stepped out of the compound with hard glares towards H.Y.D.R.A. who arrived not 5 minutes earlier.

The team stood in front of the many men they brought, heavy hearts with the information of Bucky being traded off with Y/N. They knew Y/N would beat all of them if she found out Bucky was doing this and she’ll find out soon enough. Will it be before he’s taken away or after? That was a popular question.

“So,” a leader stepped forward with a proud smirk on his face. “The Winter Soldier has finally stepped forward, he’s not a coward. That’s nice to know.”

“Never was one, just didn’t want to be around you. You tortured me-”

“Yet, you want to come back in exchange for your best friends girl. How brave and heroic. Well, Mr. Barnes, things have changed. We don’t want you. You’ve been too compromised. It’s been too long.”

The dreaded feeling sunk deep into Steve’s skin, soaking in every ounce of hope he had once again. Hope just wasn’t for him anymore. His wife was his hope and she isn’t here. His heart clenched and he willed himself to not cry, not to show weakness towards them because they would kill her as a game to go against him. Instead, he clenched his hands into fists and let the hope be taken over by anger. He was done.

“I’m done. I’m so fucking done with you men toying with others. That’s my wife you have and if you don’t give her back, I will wipe out every fucking person in every H.Y.D.R.A. base. So help me god, I will tear everyone limb from limb!” Steve let himself threaten these men not caring about the language he has continued to use the last few days. The leader didn’t have to say it, he was terrified of the former soldier and the way he looked at him made his blood run cold. Steve was serious. “Have her come home.”

The leader turned his torso to look at another man, nodding his head in confirmation of something and spun back around. He couldn’t show fear in front of his men but he didn’t want to lose everything. “We want you to come join us in exchange for-”

“Done. I’ll do it. Just bring her fucking home.”

“Steve!” there was many protests against his decision, none of them wanting to lose Steve Rogers.

“Bring her out, boys.”

Then there she was.

Bruised and beaten up. Clear broken bones in several places and cuts that were still profusely bleeding but the girl’s corner of her lips lifted up in a relieved smile upon seeing her husband. Steve didn’t hesitate to run towards her, past the men of H.Y.D.R.A. and through the line of cars and helicopter they brought Y/N on to get to his wife. Immediately, his arms wrapped around her in an embrace and the tears suddenly started to flow down but Steve didn’t care, his girl was here and alive. Bruised and beaten up, she still was the most beautiful woman in his entire life. He whispered in her ear ‘I love you’ over and over until she said it back with the same amount of love in her voice. He pulled back only to catch her lips in his.

“Okay, lovebirds, we need to get going. Rogers, let’s go. Say your goodbye and let’s go.”

“What?” her voice was hoarse and scratchy, full of confusion. “Steve, what’re they talking about?”

“Bucky is going to look after you, Y/N. Just for a little while and I’ll be home before you know it. You just gotta hang in there, baby. Okay?”

She shook her head, putting aside the massive headache that pounded through the temples of her head, “No, no, no, Steven, please. Please don’t leave me.”

“I don’t have a choice, baby. I’ll be back soon. I love you so much.” a few men came up behind Steve, taking his hands off of his wife’s body and handcuffing them behind his back. “I love you, Y/N Rogers. So fucking much.”

She screamed, she screamed at them to let him go and they didn’t listen. They continued to the car that was a few feet away from them, dragging the love of her life in front of them away from her. She let herself fall to her knees, ignoring the pain in the one that was broken and screamed for him to come back.

With the door closing behind him, she whispered one final thing, no more voice to scream and she wished he heard, “I forgive you,”

But he didn’t. He wouldn’t know until he came back years later down the road when they let him go.

#steve rogers imagines #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #captain america imagines #captain america x reader #captain america #marvel #marvel imagine

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magicalmerry · 4 years

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✨🍯🌻☀️HAPPY LITHA AND MERRY MIDSOMMAR TO YOU ALL!☀️🌻🍯✨

I hope that everyone had a blessed Summer Solstice (Or Winter Solstice/Yule for my friends in the Southern Hemisphere!) I had a fairly productive sabbat, in comparison to usual, this year. I was woken up earlier than usual, but, in a way, it was kind of a blessing since I was able to spend more of the day awake enjoying the Sun’s light instead of observing my usual nocturnal schedule. I got up and poured myself a glass of orange juice and stepped out into the backyard to enjoy it while soaking in the warmth of the sun’s light, and then after some household chores, I made myself a wonderful brunch scramble of hash browns, eggs, and ham to enjoy with my coffee.

Unfortunately, since we are still in quarantine due to the pandemic, I am trying to minimize my visits to the Outer World so I do not put my mother’s health at risk. Typically, I like to go out and get fresh flowers for my altar, but I decided to just use what I have at home to decorate. So I poured some of my dried orange peels into one of my smaller chalices I always keep on my altar and placed eight (8) sunflower seeds to represent the Wheel of the Year and the sabbats around the base of the chalice as well as acting like rays of the sun extending from the center point of the spread, with a ninth (9th) seed underneath in the center to not only create the alchemic and planetary symbol for the Sun (☉), but to use the power of nine (9) to amplify more power into this solstice spread.

As I stated in my Dedication posts ( I & II ), I was going to dedicate myself to the Norse Goddess Freyja after she agreed to become my matron, and I wanted to make it a special day, so I chose to wait to perform my dedication on the solstice. Freyja always radiates warmth when I think about her, and one of the cards I pulled in my first spread about her was The Sun, so I thought it fitting to wait until Midsummer. I got all dolled up with a very summery look, donned one of my favorite dresses, and put on my special amber necklace with a few orange colored rings to further represent Freyja’s warmth.

Next, as part of my Dedication to Freyja for the solstice, I have been wanting to further decorate my wand I made. Eventually I'd like to find some nice cording to wrap around the handle and find a crystal to hang from the base, but with trying to keep my Outer World visits to a minimum, I decided to do a simple carving of the Fehu rune ( ᚠ ) above where my hand rests when holding the wand. I had considered doing the symbols for the elements, but liked the idea of the Fehu rune better to let Freyja know that my practice and magic is tied to her since magic is one of her many aspects. I will still add to my wand, and I’ll be sure to post a picture when it is complete.

Later in the afternoon, I took outside with me my cauldron, the dried remains of my flower crown from Beltane, my large citrine cabochon, and my vial of honey from my first offering to Freyja. I waited until the peak of the Sun’s light for where I live, and then took the remains of my flower crown and remembered back to Beltane and thanked it, then burned it in my cauldron. I had planned on leaving an offering for the Fae as well, but it looked like it was going to rain again, so I decided against it and I was also pressed for time to complete my rituals.

Then came my Dedication Ritual. Again, unfortunately I was a little pressed for time, so I wasn’t able to really take my time with the ritual and had to kind of rush through it. I called out to the goddess to make myself known and adorned my shield maiden circlet. I don’t remember the exact wording, but asked her to accept me as one of her devotees and that I would, from this day forward, serve her until the need for our partnership is through. On instinct, I grabbed the vial of honey, and clutched it to my chest, then opened it, taking a small dab of the liquid gold on my finger and drew the Fehu rune on my forehead. That wasn’t something I had planned, but I just felt called to do so and it felt so right.

After that, I brought everything back inside, and using the ashes from burning my Beltane crown, I made my first ever batch of Black Salt, or Witch’s Salt as I’ve come to hear people call it. I finally attained some activated charcoal from a friend recently (thank you!) and that was the only ingredient I had been missing to make some. So now I have some Black Salt for some added protection in spellwork and just for every day use as needed.

I had forgotten to set out my crystals and tools before going outside to soak up the Sun, so at this point I cleared some space on my window sill and placed them to charge. A funny thing happened though when grabbing my tarot deck, and I didn’t put two and two together until the day after. My deck was the last thing I grabbed to set out to charge, and I wanted to make sure the sunlight was hitting the cards instead of just the box they live in, so I took the lid off, and with the rush of air from removing the lid, a few cards came out, but the one that flipped to face me was the High Priestess. I acknowledged it, but didn’t truly understand until the next day. I have pulled the High Priestess a few times in personal readings about my relationship with Freyja as a representation of her, and I had a revelation that that card revealing itself to me was her acknowledging my dedication. I feel very happy about this connection and as small as the acknowledgment was, I now know she has heard me.

While waiting for everything to charge, I decided to sit at my altar because I was super inspired to create a new sigil! I had seen one recently while roaming the internet and thought to myself that I’d love to work on creating more sigils to use in my practice. I felt super inspired by the energy of the Sun and created A Sigil for Drawing in the Energy of the Sun (Drawing Down the Sun).

Since Litha fell on a Saturday this year, I also had my weekly D&D game with my friends, and to subtly continue my solstice celebration, I made a simple cocktail of Kraken Spiced Rum (spices for warmth), orange juice (fruits of the season and symbolism of the sun), with some lemon-lime soda (more citrus!). I imbibed on my drink while having a merry time with my s/o and friends, and closed out the evening by assembling the spread pictured. In retrospect, my spread seems to be largely and subconsciously reflecting the sigil I made, which I found very fascinating that it echoed what I had drawn so much without realizing it sooner.

In my leaf dish, I have my new sigil, the rings I wore in my ritual accompanied by my smaller citrine cabochon and my honey vial. Between the dish and the chalice, which unfortunately blocks it, is my sunstone cabochon for masculine energy and representation of the Sun. Then beneath that is the chalice filled with dried orange peels and the sunflower seeds as described earlier. Then beneath leading downward is my black onyx for protection, and although known for balancing the male and female energies, was giving off a very strong male energy to me that day, followed by my large citrine cabochon for prosperity and warmth, a small flat stone I found a couple of months ago that just gives off a friendly and soothing vibe (and I also enjoyed that it added to the black/yellow/orange scheme), capped with my wand cradled upward to keep the energy in the spread. Also displayed prominently is my deck with the High Priestess facing outward proudly.

This was, as I said, probably my busiest, most involved, and productive celebration of the sabbats so far, and I’ve written a novel of a post about it. I hope that you all had a wonderful solstice whether it be summer or winter where you live, and please feel free to share with me how you celebrated! I’d love to hear about your traditions!

~Have a Magical Day~

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