#sorry im making jokes because i feel down about other stuff in life LMAO

[sweetmoons]

"Wow today sucks and I'm really sad but at least I have the qsmp-"

#yall.... #this shits fucking wild fuck this bro #sorry im making jokes because i feel down about other stuff in life LMAO #qsmp #quackity smp

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

Hello! I love your writing a lot and was wondering if at some point you’d consider writing a Frank Zhang x mortal!gf headcanon set? I loved the ones you did for Percy and Jason and just really love the concept. And Frank’s my favorite silly little crush. 💘 Thank you if you do and if you don’t thank you for reading this!! And thank you for everything you write!!

⋆⭒˚.⋆ frank zhang x mortal! reader hcs

content: frank zhang x mortal! reader hcs warning: not any that i can think of??? very mushy gushy author's note: MORE MORTAL READER HCS???? WHO AM I???? i need to make my precious boy leo some and then he and frank can be a matching pair like jason and percy...which means leo gets the angst one first bc frank got the happy ending lmao- someone request it before saturday so i don't have to delete it pls pls love ya

"w-what do you mean, my cards been declined?" you managed to warble out, tears rapidly filling your eyes as you squeezed your hands around the counter of the little cafe

you see, you were supposed to be getting a little sweet treat because you've had a rough day, and goddamn it, you deserve it!!

you stumbled into the cafe, getting of the streets of san francisco with a beaming smile

but now, all that joy was rapidly crumbling and all the troubles of the day seemed to come back again at full force and you were sure you were about to crumple into a puddle of tears on the ground until they gave you a free coffee because you were just so pathetic-

"im sorry, miss, but there's not much more i can do for you. we've got other customers, so if you could..." the poor guy replied, subtly gesturing towards the door.

"but- but-" you tried, the words getting stuck in your throat, " i really need this...please."

"miss, don't make me ask again. please, leave-"

"i got it," a voice cut in from behind you, awkwardly clearing his throat.

you turned to him, eyes wide and teary

and frank was all that much more confident in his decision to help the pretty girl in front of him

"really?" you asked, your voice cracking just the slightest

frank offered you a soft and sweet smile, nodding his head before turning to the cashier

"just a plain black coffee for me. you want anything from here?" frank asked, tapping his finger against the glass that separated you from the baked goods of the cafe

while your eyes caught on some of the macaroons, you shook your head at the cute guy buying your drink, feeling like you were overstepping

"some of those, please," stated frank, pointing towards the macaroons and you began to wonder if he had the ability to read your mind.

the cashier slide over the pastries as frank paid and you took the plate into your hands, looking up at frank as though he just saved your life

"thank you, truly. from the bottom of my heart," you mused before clearing your throat lightly, "are- are you waiting for friends or- or could i sit with you?? i feel like i owe it to you to get to know you."

"yeah- yeah, no, i'd like that," frank beamed, taking a seat across from you

and when you weren't looking, he was typing a text under the table to percy and jason telling them NOT to come to the cafe if they loved him bc he met the love of his life and did not need those two idiots ruining it for him

and, so, naturally, those two showed up anyways but took up seats in the corner, pretending to not spy on frank even though they were totally spying on frank

you talked to frank about random stuff, what brought you to the city, family gossip, your favorite color and what not

and frank listened, basically staring at you with heart eyes.

"what about you, what brings a guy like you to a city like this?" you joked, looking up at him through your lashes with a tiny smirk

"oh! ummmmm camp- uh, military camp!" he lied, quickly swallowing down his shame at doing so.

"oh, really? didn't peg you as the military type," you frowned, quickly shaking it off as to not offend him.

"well, it's my dad's thing and im...uh, just keeping up tradition," frank added and you nodded in understanding, taking a sip from your drink

but of course, good things were never built to last for demigods

hey, what do you get when you put a son of poseidon, jupiter, and mars in a cafe??

a fury-ious cafe owner, obvi

(pls laugh or ill cry)

bc they are about to wreck the place

i mean not a single chair or table is upright when they are done

and you were so confused, now covered in water and your hair is all knotted from jason's wind and you were prettyyyyyyy sure at some point frank's arm was a bears arm

which is crazy

oh, and the guy that you thought was just a big softie and that you thought was cute and that bought you coffee?? yeah he stabbed somebody- something????

you weren't entirely sure what he stabbed, but stabbing definitely happened

"hey, are they alright?" percy asked, nodding his head towards you, who was still standing in one spot in shock

"y/n...let's go talk, yeah? i've got some explaining to do," frank whispered, gently, leading you through the mess of chairs and tables and out in the cold air of san francisco

and so the two of you walked aimlessly and now it was frank's turn to talk and your turn to listen

you asked strange questions, that always managed to catch frank off guard and lighten the whole situation

"so...half your dna is like...not real??"

"realistically, no one should be dating anyone in those camps. yall are related, that's disgusting."

"frank...you do understand that it's not normal to train your whole life just in case, maybe, a war comes?? dude, im going to be honest with you, i could not survive ten minutes if a war started, which is normal."

he couldn't help but admire how easily you were to accept this, how quick you were to comfort him about his life

it felt like he'd known you years instead of hours

months instead of minutes

lifetimes instead of seconds

and when you smiled up at him and asked another stupidly strange question, he couldn't help but think that maybe he had known you for lifetimes

that your souls kept playing a fun game of hide and seek

and that he finally found you in this one, his heart thudding and soul giggling as it pulled you from your hiding spot and held you tight in its arms

#postcards from covey ౨ৎ #all my love ౨ৎ #pjo #hoo #heroes of olympus x reader #frank zhang #frank zhang x reader

[bigprettygothgf]

I saw u repost my addition to that horror post LMAO hsjfnebff was never expecting to see that. never knew I was so interesting. anyways... if y'all think I'm "passing judgement" you're funny. I have my own perception of horror and what draws me to it. that being, I like being SCARED, and I like the deeper themes it deals with and how it uses certain imagery and scenarios to express those themes without being forthright. more than half the time I talk to another horror fan, they recommend me borderline snuff films(things from the iceberg usually)and tell me how it's SOOOO GOOD but they never mention scary. I watch them, some have a deeper theme, and they're not scary, they're just gross. which is fine for other people but I find doing things for shock value over and over again is.... boring... and not scary.. and it usually overshadows and distracts from whatever point is being made or is extremely pretentious. all that being said, I have no problem w those fans. I just, we are not in the same boat! I watch some of those gore centric movies and I think "oh they like this because it's very sexual and is using gore in a highly sexual way and that is interesting to them" which is FINE but that doesnt get ME going, so to recommend it to me, knowing the main reason you like it is because its horny.... HONESTLY gets annoying. like when I recommend ppl stuff, I tend to try to steer towards things I'd think they'd like instead of imposing my niche fetish onto someone who just wants a good jump scare. JUST SAYIN LOL. my advice to the ppl who see that post: you're a unique individual with opinions and experiences that make you YOU. that's incredible!! be confident in that! believe it or not, this world is made up of MANY ppl who are alllll sooo totally different and without all the conflicting opinions, we'd live in purgatory! so be confident in your opinions and how you feel! it's the only thing that makes us all real! someone having an opposing opinion or a unique experience says nothing negative or positive about you. don't internalize other ppls unique perceptions of life. in the nicest way, it has nothing to do with you :)

i never said anything about passing judgement and i wasnt even like trying to be mean i just wanted to make a stupid joke about jacking off im going to be honest i didnt realise how many notes that post had until just now bc i ignored all notifications of that post bc people were being weird in the replies

and if anyone has been insane enougn to try and track you down over that post to send harassment im genuinely sorry

#Anonymous

[bumbleklee]

Ooooo different anon with baby fever here lmao, could I get some hcs on how Diluc, Zhongli, and Albedo would respond to their partner getting pregnant unexpectedly/before marriage? Bonus points if you could include how they would respond to negative or judgemental comments from people they know. Thank you for what you do! 💕

the way im internally screaming because i finally hit some parenting hcs in my ask box o(>ω<)o everything is sfw but im still going to put it under a cut because i know not everyone vibes with the baby stuff

before reading: unexpected pregnancy, mentions of abotions, ppl being mean, written as reader being afab with they/them pronouns

diluc

thinks you’re joking at first

how could you be pregnant? you guys were always so safe

except for that one night where you both had a little too much to drink and were being a little careless

since you’re in a state of panic about the news, diluc takes it upon himself to be the one to figure out what to do

he decides that it’s your decision and no matter what you chose, he’ll accept

“How could we let this happen?” Diluc mutters, staring at the ceiling a few nights after you told him the news. The only sound in the room is a tree branch lightly tapping against your bedroom window. “We’re so young.” 

You lay down next to him and search for his hand, “Do you think this was a sign?” 

Diluc raises an eyebrow, “A sign?”

“Yeah, like, maybe from your dad or Barbatos? I mean, we’ve talked about starting a family before,” You continue. You fully intended to marry Diluc and one day, start a family with him. Maybe this really was a sign from above that you needed to start your journey a little sooner than expected. 

Diluc hums a response before turning his head towards you. “I think you’d make a great parent,” He says softly. He leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead. “We should talk about this in the morning.” 

You nod in agreement and turn your body so Diluc could wrap his arms around you and spoon you from behind. His hands usually sit on your hips or waist but tonight they laid idly on your stomach. You couldn’t help but feel butterflies and by the way Diluc traced shapes along your skin, he must have felt them too. 

zhongli

was absolutely shocked when you told him you were pregnant because he didn’t think he had the ability to get anyone pregnant as an archon

but since he gave away his gnosis, he must have also given away his sterilization

after processing this, he was fairly excited

he knew you loved children and was excited to be able to provide you with one

it was you who was anxious about the news, knowing liyue had strong customs and traditions

“But Zhongli, we aren’t even married!” You cried, waving the pregnancy test wildly in your hand. You didn’t understand how Zhongli was so calm about the whole situation. 

“Are we supposed to be married?” Zhongli tilted his head at you, “If so, then will you-”

“No!” You interrupted him. You ran a hand through your hair and sighed, “I don’t want this baby to be the only reason we get married, Zhongli.” 

Seeming to finally sense your worries, Zhongli pulled you down onto the couch with him. He took your hands in his softly and gazed into your eyes, “Darling, there are no rules on what order things have to happen in. Aren’t you excited to have a child with me?”

You felt a pang in your chest. “Of course I am,” You sighed, “I just don’t want people to talk behind our backs. You know how this city is.” 

Zhongli let out an amused chuckle and you swore you saw his eyes glow golden for a moment, “Y/N, dearest, I created this city. These people would be foolish to do such a silly thing.” 

albedo

he took your unexpected news with open arms

this was his creation and he would foolish to throw you aside for something he caused

besides, klee was getting older and he missed having a little one running around while he was trying to work

it was the other knights that didn’t take your news well

Albedo told Jean and Kaeya the news about your pregnancy expecting excitement but was surprised when his counterparts made faces of disappointment. 

“We need your full attention as Chief Alchemist,” Jean said, crossing her arms. She was frowning, “How are you going to do that with a baby?”

“And Y/N is going to need to take a leave of absence,” Kaeya added. “Who is going to fill her spot?” Albedo went to open his mouth but Kaeya continued, “I expected more responsibility from you.”

Albedo felt his heart shatter. Was this really how The Knights, his friends, thought about the situation? Sure, you may have been careless that night but wasn’t life supposed to be about surprises? He could handle a baby and his work, at least he thought he could. 

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience. We’ll get it taken care of as soon as possible.” His head whipped to the side to see you by his side, bowing your head shamefully. He didn’t realize you had even come into the office from the library, too wrapped up in his own thoughts. “Come on, Albedo.”

The walk back to his house was silent. Albedo was still stunned by the words shared by everyone, especially you. He eventually grabbed your hand to stall your walking. 

“What did you mean?” He asked. For a genius, he felt awfully dumb. 

“Albedo, we can’t keep the baby. You saw their reactions.” Your eyes were watery and you couldn’t look at Albedo in the eyes. 

A surge of protection raced through his veins. He grasped your shoulders and you jolted, staring up at his face. “We can leave then,” He said, “There are other options before we resort to that.” 

“Albedo...”

“Please,” He said and you realized you had never heard Albedo talk so informal, so frantic, “We have to try.”

You hesitated before nodding, “Right, okay, we’ll try.” 

a/n: sorry zhongli’s is so short and slightly ooc. i tried to do a different scenario for all three so i hope u like it :,)

#baby fever #pregnancy #genshin pregnancy #genshin parenting #genshin impact #Genshin #genshin hcs #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin self insert #genshin albedo #albedo #genshin diluc #diluc #diluc x reader #albedo x reader #zhongli #genshin zhongli #zhongli x reader

[retroaria]

Sapnap: Fluff Alphabet

cc!Sapnap x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

warnings: just swearing

here’s my 500 Follower Event ^o^

A is for Affection (How do they like to show affection?)

sapnap would give you so many compliments omg. he loves making you all smiley and blushy :) he just wants to make sure that you are always aware of the fact that he thinks you’re the most perfect thing to ever exist

B is for Bond (What kind of bond do you guys have? What could your relationship be labeled as?)

the best friend couple!!! sapnap tells you literally everything. any drama going on or any strong emotions he’s feeling, you know about it. most of the time, the second something happens his brain immediately goes “omg i have to tell y/n”. you guys always complain about the same things and get excited over the same things. you are genuinely one of the most important people in his life and he doesn’t know how he’d do it without you.

C is for Comfort (How do they comfort their s/o?)

he will literally drop everything just to hold you and not speak for like hours if you so needed. he strikes me as a naturally comforting person to the people he really cares about so I say he gets an A+ in this department

D is for Dates (What are dates with them like?)

dates with sapnap are either really chill or super fun. he’s the type of guy that would take you to play laser tag or to an arcade or a trampoline park. he’s like a little kid i love sapnap :3

E is for Emotions (How do they express their emotions around you?)

he’s a pretty expressive person when it comes to certain things. at the very least he definitely wears his heart on his sleeve a little so it isn’t hard to tell even if he does try hiding stuff. and like I said he tells you everything.

F is for Fiancé (How long into the relationship before they propose?)

I feel like he’s so young and he really just wouldn’t be thinking about that too seriously for awhile. like he loves you and you guys have talked about having a future together but he isn’t in any rush at all. hell just do it when he feels is the right time not matter how long it takes.

G is for Gentle (Are they gentle?)

it depends on the situation. he’s definitely the type of guy to pick you up from a super comfy position and just body slam you on the bed. but if he can tell you’re not in the mood to play around like that he’ll just sit down and hold you, so yeah he can be gentle. but most of the time be prepared for playful fist fights and getting picked up and thrown every now and then lol.

H is for Hand Holding (How do they like hand holding?)

sapnap always holds your hand. in fact he makes an effort to search for it whenever you aren’t holding hands. and sometimes he’ll even get whiny about it especially with like a lot of people around he’ll be like, “babe, why aren’t you holding my hand :( what if I get lost how are you gonna find me this place is big”

I is for I Love You (Who said “I love you” first?)

he did !! the first time sapnap said “I love you” was probably one of his most confident moments. he was so proud to be able to say it and so sure of himself and his feelings for you.

J is Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

YES OH MY GOD. he gets super jealous and it’s so easy to tell omg. his attitude starts to get like super bad and he is very clearly annoyed by the situation. he won’t ever be too overbearing about it and if you ever feel like he is once you sit him down and explain that he’ll back off a bit. but he’s still gonna be bothered by it so just always remind him that he love him and no one else.

K is for Kiss (What’s kissing them like?)

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IM ACTUALLY GOING TO BE DESCRIPTIVE SO IM SORRY IF ITS CRINGE. anyways, he’d be a pretty deep kisser but not like full on making out every single time. he just likes to make them last and he isn’t one to just give you random kisses all throughout the day so it always feels special. kissing him makes you feel all warm and happy inside.

L is for Love Language (What’s their love language?)

sapnaps love language is quality time or acts of service!! i’d say mainly quality time. even while long distance he just likes having you on call while he does stuff or even just complaining to you about how tired he is while actively not going to bed so he can keep talking to you lol. he just likes having you around it’s a huge comfort for him. i say acts of service because he would get so giddy and happy anytime you did something special for him. he would show it off and brag about it forever and it would genuinely mean so much to him aahhajdxh i love sapnap

M is for Memories (Their favourite memory with their s/o?)

For your first time seeing each other irl, sapnap flew to where you live and you guys spent a whole week together. his favorite memories are definitely from that first week of seeing each other in person. of course you guys already had an amazing relationship while long distance, but there’s something so different about finally meeting the person you’re with in real life. it felt like he had to start over from scratch and you guys had to get to know each other all over again. also the idea of now having to build a physical bond. it was just such an amazing and beautiful experience. definitely the one that made him realize he really is in love with you.

N is for Nicknames (Their favourite nicknames given and received?)

IM SO BAD AT THINKING OF CUTE NAMES USHSJDH. probably just babe tho lol. for fem!readers, i can totally picture him using princess in a slightly sarcastic tone.

O is for Open (At what point do they start opening up to you about their life and feelings?)

mmm i’d say he actually starts opening up to you pretty early into the relationship. If you guys were like really close friends before hand he’s definitely already opened up to you. He doesn’t really have that many people in his life that he doesn’t trust.

P is for PDA (Are they into PDA?)

not really but he isn’t like super shy about it if that makes sense ??? like he’s 100% fine with hand holding, hugging, and light pecks when saying hello or goodbye.

Q is for Quiz (How much do they remember about you?)

I don’t think he really tries to remember stuff but he just does and he’s always making connections to you and things he sees and stuff it’s so cute :)

R is for Romantic (How romantic are they?)

he tries but he isn’t exactly the most romantic boy. like I said before you guys have a best friend type of connection so when it comes to romance he doesn’t go too above and beyond because he just doesn’t feel like he needs to. but on special occasions he will do something nice for you. He likes taking you out places !!

S is for Security (How protective/possessive are they?)

very much of both. once again, total sapnap vibes. i’d say he’s a lot more possessive than protective. he would never stop you from doing things like going out without him and having guy friends or making flirty jokes. he trusts you so much partly cus he’s a little narcissistic LMAO. but when a serious threat comes about he can get kinda crazy.

T is for Try (How much effort do they put into the relationship?)

GAAAAAA HE PUTS SO MUCH EFFORT IN!! you would probably be like his first ever serious partner so he would try his best at literally everything. in the beginning of the relationship you could totally tell how nervous he was at times but as you guys got more comfortable he just became an effortlessly amazing bf

U is for Uphold (How do they show you they’re proud? What kind of support do they give you?)

he talks about you so muchjahsjxjxh mostly to dream and george or on stream and he brags about you too. he can get pretty cocky about it but his friends can’t get mad because it’s literally adorable how whipped he is.

V is for Vaunt (Do they like to show off?)

YES OF COURSE !!! it’s sapnap guys…come on. literally any little accomplishment you make is turned into a way bigger deal than it should be because of him. he’s so proud of for literally just existing and he talks about all the cool stuff you’ve done all the time

W is for Wild Card (A random fluff headcanon.)

you guys really like going to different food places and eating different items compared to other places. THIS IS SO RANDOM LMAOO but like…sapnap would definitely have fun doing that

X is for X-ray (How well can they read you and your emotions/feelings?)

mmm he can usually tell if you’re acting strange or being distant. he cant always figure out exactly what’s wrong but he knows it’s something and he would confront you about it like almost immediately or whenever he thought would be a good time for you

Y is for Yearning (How much do they miss their s/o when they’re gone?)

he literally talks about you non stop when you’re apart. and when you guys are on the phone he comes up with all these plans for you guys to do when you see each other again and he always wants you to join vc on his streams if you can. in conclusion he misses you like crazy

Z is for Zebra (What kind of pet would they want with their s/o?)

A CAT!! or like a bearded dragon lol.

IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS HAGSKDHD

school is literally kicking my ass so hard man 😔

i’m gonna try to write more, working on a karlnap weed fic rn too LMAO

I’m taking a major creative writing class rn so between writing for school and writing for tumblr i am so drained but i promise i’ll get back into the swing of things soon :)

love you guys, thank you for everything and stay safe <333

@crackityy @fantasy-innit @joyfullymulti @k-l-a-w-s

#mcyt headcanons #mcyt preferences #mcyt x reader #mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt imagine #sapnap preferences #sapnap x you #sapnap x y/n #sapnap headcanons #sapnap imagine #sapnap x reader #sapnap fanfic

[creamiecoups]

anon : seungcheol smut!Jealous sex, degrading, ass smacking definitely. just add anything y’know! maybe you were flirting with another member and he got jealous. thank you, I don’t really know how to request, second time requesting only. ❤️

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                                  °•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

↠  summary :  flirting with Jun just to get your boyfriend riled up really wasn’t a smart move, though you thought it meant no harm at the beginning, you realised way too late that it was a very, very bad idea.

↠  pairing : seungcheol x reader

↠ warnings :  posessive behaviour, swearing, alcohol, mentions of drinking (no one gets drunk), dom!seungcheol, rough sex (he gets out of control heh), dirty talk, unprotected sex, orgasm denial, degradation, multiple orgasms, choking, hair pulling, spanking, cheol loves your ass alot, crying, biting, creampies, overstimulation, oral (male receiving), deep throating, cum eating, slight daddy kink, slight size kink, a bit of fluff in the end

↠ word count : 11.3K words

↠ author’s note : i know i took really long to post it and im sorry in every language that exists :-( i just got kinda carried away with this one (as you can see with the word count lmao) so i took really long perfecting it and editing. but i hope y’all love it and it makes up for the long ass wait !!

Another giggle passed your lips as you leaned on Jun, taking another sip of the red wine he had poured for you earlier.

You had come over to the dorms to spend some time with the boys, and of course, your boyfriend Seungcheol.

Currently, there was only Jun, Soonyoung, Vernon, Seungkwan and Seungcheol at the dorms, the rest being god knows where. You were a bit disappointed that you couldn't see all of them but at least you could see a few of them when they weren't busy or not at home.

"Hey you two! Let's do something together, this is so unfair you can't have her all to yourself Jun!" Soonyoung whined loudly, looking at both of you in annoyance.

You were all spread out, Vernon and Seungkwan and Soonyoung were sprawled on the couch, You and Jun were sitting on the floor, and your boyfriend was somewhere in the kitchen...his hard stare on you being oblivious to you.

"Come join us then," you said, patting the seat next to you.

You suddenly felt bad for them, you and Jun had been so lost in each other's conversations that you had almost forgotten about the rest.

"No ew...I don't even get what's so funny about him, I make the better jokes," Seungkwan huffed, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"You mean your over the top drama? She laughs because I'm actually funny," Jun shot, making you chuckle.

"Okay guys that's enough...let's do something together like Soonyoung suggested," you said, before their conversation got any more heated.

You leaned your back against the couch as you took the last sip of your wine.

"Want more?" Jun asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh no that's enough...I just finished my second glass," you said, placing your empty glass on the coffee table.

"So guys, what do you want to do?" Jun asked, looking up at the guys who were still laying on the couch.

"I don't know..." Soonyoung trailed off, making you smile.

"Wow....so you bother us and go on about how you wanna do something together but you have no idea on what to do?" Jun said, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Yeah well I didn't care what we did it was just annoying seeing you both so close!!" Seungkwan chirped.

"Fine, fine, how about....spin the bottle?" Vernon said, getting up from his sleeping position as he looked at us.

"Ah no, that's not fair on Y/N! And plus I don't wanna kiss any of you guys," Soonyoung said, pretending to vomit.

"You say it like we want to kiss you...I just wanna play so I can get the chance of kissing her," Jun said, winking your way as you blushed, hitting his shoulder softly.

Jun would be lying to himself if he said he never found you attractive, you always were to him, but he knew not to cross the line with Seungcheol, he respected his older friends relationship and he was happy for them- but he also envied him.

"Do you wanna die in the hands of hyung that bad?" Seungkwan asked, making Jun chuckle.

"Oh please...he doesn't mind, do you cheol?" Jun asked, cocking his eyebrow towards Seungcheol.

You look towards the kitchen area, your eyes falling on Seungcheol who had his gaze fixed on you already, like he had been staring at you the entire time. You bit your bottom lip, realising you had kinda been ignoring him the past hour since you were busy talking to Jun.

"What ever made you think I'd be okay with you kissing my girlfriend?" Seungcheol shot, his eyes finally leaving yours to glare at Jun.

"Come on now...it wouldn't hurt now would it? It's just a kiss after all...right Y/N?" Jun asked, turning to look at you.

"Uh..u-uhm..."

You looked down to your entwined hands, ignoring both of their stares on you..Jun wanting to know what you would say, and Seungcheol daring you to agree with Jun.

"This won't...end good I can feel it," you heard Vernon whisper to Seungkwan, making you agree...mentally of course.

"O-okay guys! Let's play truth or dare, everybody loves that game!" Soonyoung suddenly said, getting up from his seat on the couch to come and sit next to Jun.

"Yeah... teenagers do," Seungkwan mumbled, getting up aswell, before dragging Vernon up.

"But whatever...just thank you for lightening the mood!" Seungkwan added, joining you three on the floor, already forming a circle.

Soonyoung smiled, giving you a reassuring nod to which you smiled back, thanking him silently for saving you from the awkward situation you were in.

"Seungcheol hyung, you joining?" Vernon asked, before sitting next to you.

"Yeah, whatever," he muttered gruffly, walking over to where you guys were seated on the floor.

"Awh why did you call him? He's a party pooper!" Jun groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Seriously, who the fuck says that anymore?" Vernon snorted, making you laugh.

"Move," Seungcheol's voice broke away your laugh as you looked up at him, his eyes were on Vernon.

"Ah right, my bad," Vernon said, scooting more to Seungkwan's side so Seungcheol could sit between you too.

"Okay now that we're all seated...anybody have an app or something? Or do you just want to say random stuff?" Soonyoung asked.

"Nah I hate the apps, let's just say what we feel like saying," Jun said, making everyone nod- well except for Seungcheol, who was too busy being bored, he had only said yes so he could monitor Jun and you.

He trusted you, with his entire life, there was no doubt about that...but Jun on the other hand or any of the other members at that, they were his closest friends and he also trusted them...but boys will be boys and he knew he had to be careful in case any of them got a bit too, well....touchy.

"Okay then, who wants to go first?" Seungkwan asked, as you crossed your legs, your pleated skirt riding up your thigh.

Jun's eyes fell to your thighs unwillingly, as he swallowed thickly, moving his eyes away quickly before someone caught him...and what he didn't realise was, Seungcheol was watching him the entire time and had seen him catch a glimpse of his girlfriend.

Seungcheol's jaw twitched, as he grabbed your wrist before pulling you up quickly.

"What are you doing cheol?" You asked innocently, unaware of the looks you had just received.

"Your staying the night so you should be comfortable..and this will not keep you warm," he said, eyeing Jun.

"Oh you can borrow my hood-"

"She has my clothes so don't worry," Seungcheol snapped, cutting Jun off his sentence.

Jun bit back a laugh, knowing he was really starting to piss his older friend off.

You just stayed still as Seungcheol dragged you from the lounge area and into the corridor to his room.

He locked it behind you both, before turning to look at you.

"Did you really not have anything else to wear today?" He asked, jaw clenched tightly.

"I came straight here after meeting up with my friends," you said, looking down at your outfit.

"What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong? It's so fucking short that anyone could see your ass with one bend of your knees," he shot, eyeing you angrily.

"Cheol calm down..plus I do look cute in it," you said back, as you bat your eyelashes at him.

Seungcheol sighed, ignoring you as he walked into his closet.

You frown deeply as your fingers curled into fists, was he really not going to compliment you?

"Cheolie..do you really not find me hot in this?" You sulked, holding onto his muscular arm that you oh so loved.

"Let go of me, I'm trying to find something for you to wear," he mumbled gruffly, making you whine.

"But cheol...look at me, you have to admit-"

He pulled your arm off him, before roughly pushing you towards the wall.

"What the hell Seungcheol!"

"Yeah, you fucking do look hot, so hot that I'm trying my hardest not to bend you over right now and fuck the living hell out of you so you never dare wear something like this ever again," he spat, catching you off guard.

"That's what you wanted to hear, right?"

"I-I.."

His hands trailed down your back slowly, his stare on you cold and hard.

"I've been watching you princess...so don't think I don't notice your flirting.."

His hands smoothed up and down your ass, making you bite your lip before you could let out a whine.

"I'm not flirting...I'm just being friendly," you bravely said as you felt his lips on your neck. He wasn't doing anything, just keeping his lips on your skin but that was enough to have your entire body burning.

"Don't lie sweetheart....I know you have a really bad habit of pissing me off....so if I were you, I would stop being so flirty with my friends or you'll really get it from me..understand?" He growled, making you nod.

"Words sweetheart," he warned, moving away from your neck to look at your flushed face.

You smirked, before replying innocently. "I understand, daddy."

Seungcheol's eyes visibly darkened, as he licked his lips.

"I wouldn't play like that with me darling," Seungcheol snapped, bringing his face dangerously close to yours.

"Cheol...my clothes," you reminded him, pushing him off you.

"..Right," he huffed, looking at you one last time before moving away to get out a hoodie and sweatpants for you to wear.

"You...wore this last time you came I'm pretty sure, it should fit," he mumbled, probably to himself as he took out a simple pair of black sweatpants, before handing it to you.

"As for a hoodie since it's cold...."

"Hah...speaking of hoodies...I have like five of yours still in my apartment," you said, smiling at him sheepishly.

He turned around, his eyes soft once again.

"Well good thing I have alot right?"

You both laughed, as he took out one of his most favorite hoodies.

"This one...you are not taking home...it's my favorite," he said, pouting at you.

"Why are you giving it to me then?" You asked, crossing your hands across your chest.

"What's mine, is yours right? Plus you'd look so cute in it, I only said you couldn't take it home because then I won't be able to wear it all the time since it will be at your apartment," he said, making you laugh.

"Alright alright, I'll return it to you before I leave...what a baby," you mumble the last line, but Seungcheol was quick to catch on.

"Who you calling a baby?" He asked, cocking his eyebrow.

"You, now get out, I'm gonna change," you said, already pushing him out of the closet door since you knew he would try and stay.

"Oh come on...I can't wait until those annoying men go to sleep! The least you can do is give me a show until then," he said, winking at you.

"Go away cheol."

You shut the door in his face, laughing at how he whined from the other side.

In the past year and a half that you two had been dating, Seungcheol always was really just a big baby. Seemed all tough from the outside especially since he needed to be a good role model to his younger member's, but you all knew he was just a huge softie when it came to people he loved.

But you and his friends knew very well that if was to ever get mad, he would be very mad.

And that's why you loved ganging up with them to piss him off, see what would throw him off exactly.

He was like a bear in your opinion, soft and cuddly, but scary too.

You sighed, pushing your thoughts to the side before changing into the clothes Seungcheol had given you. Once you were done, you opened the door.

"How do I look?" You asked, turning around once.

"Covered. You look covered. Thank god," he replied with no expression. making you huff as you turned away from him, already walking out the door.

"Finally! You took so long!" Soonyoung yelled.

"Sorry guys, it took a while finding something I wanted to wear," you said, sitting back down next to Jun on the floor.

"Well you look really cute, big hoodies look so good on you," Jun said, making me smile.

"Thank you."

You felt Seungcheol sit next to you, before he kissed your cheek lovingly making you blush.

"Now who wants to go first?" Vernon asked.

"I'll go first....Soonyoung...truth or dare?" Seungkwan asked.

"Hmm....truth."

Vernon groaned, "That's so boring can we only do dares?"

"Shut up for once that isn't how you play!" Seungkwan shot, as everyone laughed.

"Guys relax, it's just a game...and yeah kwan is right, and it's his choice on what he wants to do," you said, making Vernon sigh.

"Ah, fineeee."

"Thank you, now...Soonyoung....what's the dirtiest thing you have ever done..don't worry, it's a safe place and Jihoon isn't here so he can't bully you," Seungkwan said, as everyone turned to look at Soonyoung, waiting for him to answer.

"Ahh...well..do you mean sexually..or just..dirty, dirty?" He asked awkwardly.

"Any, your choice," Vernon said, making you nod.

"Uhm...eh...well I once didn't brush my teeth and lasted on chewing gum the entire day cuz I didn't want to be late for practice and keep you guys waiting."

Everyone's eyes were on Soonyoung, making him smile sheepishly.

"It's okay, I'm sure everyone has done that at lease once in their lifetime," you said, smiling at him.

"Have you!?" Seungkwan asked, disgust written all over his face.

"Honestly, I did it once in middle school cuz I didn't want to be late for an exam," you confessed honestly, scratching the back of your neck.

"God your so honest, makes me feel like being honest too...I have done that a couple of times," Vernon said, smirking at you.

"Ewww Hansol get off me!..Y/N I'll let off because I love her but you!?" Seungkwan squeaked, pushing Vernon further away from him.

"Hey don't bully him, we're just being honest here so Soonyoung doesn't feel lonely," You said, frowning at Seungkwan.

"Okay stop, why the fuck are we even having this conversation? Isn't anyone going to even bother asking Soonyoung why the fuck he chose that as something to say for a truth?" Jun suddenly said, looking at us in disbelief.

"Oh yeah true...but I guess it was good enough," Seungkwan said making all of us nod.

"Yeah it was good, if your lucky I won't tell Jihoon," Vernon said, sticking his tongue out.

"No stop, that man never leaves me alone to start with," Soonyoung whined, making all of us laugh.

"Okay shut up and just choose who you're going to ask next," Jun groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Right, um, Vernon!"

"Ahh...dare, cuz I wanna spice things up and I'm not a pussy," Vernon said, winking at Soonyoung.

"Perfect....I dare you to call Wonwoo and tell him you spilt something on his bed sheets," Soonyoung said, wriggling his eyebrows.

"That's not a dare....that's suicide," Vernon said, as he visibly shuddered.

"This is going to be fun," Seungcheol whispered in your ear, knowing very well how angry Wonwoo gets when someone goes in his room.

You nodded your head as everyone grew silent, watching Vernon closely as he took his phone out of his pocket.

"Okay...it's ringing," Vernon said.

"Put it on speaker," Soonyoung whispered, as Vernon nodded.

"Hey, what's up?" You heard Wonwoo's deep voice through the phone, making your heart beat fast, suddenly scared for Vernon's life.

"Hey hyung...where are you?" Vernon asked nervously.

"I'm out with a few friends, I told you guys before I left...is everything okay?"

"Uhm...I...I was in y-your room cuz I wanted to uh...borrow your....pen and I spilt juice all over your bed-"

"YOU WHAT!?" Wonwoo yelled from the other side, making Soonyoung start laughing loudly.

"This is kinda boring...wanna do something else?" Jun suddenly whispered in your ear, making you turn to look at him.

"Oh come on, why isn't it fun?" You asked.

"I'd just much rather be doing something else.." Jun trailed off, making you sigh.

"Alright...what do you want to do?"

"Hmm...let's find something to eat?" Jun suggested, making you chuckle as you nodded.

You got up, about to follow Jun to the kitchen before you felt someone tug at your wrist.

"Where are you going?" Seungcheol asked.

"I'm going to the kitchen with Jun, we're gonna find something to eat," you said, pulling out of his grasp before he could answer.

"I found ice-cream!" Jun exclaimed, waving the tub of strawberry ice-cream around.

"Is that the only flavour?" You asked, looking into the fridge, as your eyes laid on another tub of vanilla ice-cream.

"Yeah sadly we only have those two, let's have both though," Jun replied, clapping his hands.

You laughed as you took the tub of vanilla ice-cream out, before grabbing two spoons.

"Let's just eat from the tub?" You asked, making Jun nod with a smile.

You grabbed the strawberry ice-cream as he grabbed the vanilla one, and you both started to open the lid, quickly taking a spoonful into your mouth.

"Ah yes! This is exactly what I needed!" You mumbled, taking another bite.

"Yeah me too...tell me when you want to swap," Jun said, pointing to his tub of ice-cream.

You nodded your head, turning around to look back at the guys.

"So whats happening?" You whispered, as Soonyoung turned to look at you.

"Well he started cursing obviously...said a few...threats but we quickly told him in was a dare and now their having a conversation about food or something," Soonyoung said, making you nod.

"I'm surprised though, thought he would be running home by now," Jun said, making you laugh.

"That literally wasn't funny, why are you laughing?" Seungkwan shot, walking up to you guys.

"I'm sick of him stealing you away, come on, truth or dare was kinda getting boring already anyways."

Before you could even open your mouth, Seungkwan had taken the ice-cream from your hands and put it back in the freezer.

"Kwan why!" You whined, pulling at his sleeve.

"Let's do something together! How about karaoke?" He suggested, making you huff.

"Yeah fine, okay.....Jun come on!"

You and Jun went back to sit on the couch, as Seungkwan took his phone out to play some songs.

"He only asked for this so he could show off," Jun whispered in your ear, making you chuckle as you rested your head on his shoulder.

Your eyes suddenly flicked to Seungcheol, who was still sitting on the floor, his eyes fixed on you. You could feel his anger, even from feet away, but that only sparked a light bulb in you.

you wanted to piss him off, really bad. and all just for the fun of it.

You had your fair share of moments in making him mad yourself. Especially on days like this, when you decided to play around with his friends to get him jealous purposely, it always ended in rough sex that ended up with you not being able to walk properly the next day...but today, you wanted to see just how many buttons you could push before he finally snapped.

and oh boy, you were about to find out just how angry you could really get him.

You looked away smirking to yourself as you snuggled into Jun, pretending to completely ignore Seungcheol's presence as you watched Seungkwan start singing and dancing.

"Yo Y/N....hyung looks mad," Vernon whispered from beside you, making you look at him.

"I know...but it's funny," you replied, smirking at him.

"Guess your right, I'm gonna take photos of him for safekeeping," Vernon said, making you chuckle.

"Alright but be careful," you reminded him.

A few minutes passed of you and Jun just laughing at Seungkwan and Soonyoung while they sang to a duet, when you decided to get up and go get a drink.

"I'm gonna go get something to drink, you want?" You asked Jun and Vernon, as you got off the couch.

They both shook their heads, making you nod slightly before walking over to the kitchen.

Aa you were pouring yourself a glass of water, you didn't realise someone was right behind you, until you bumped into their chest.

"Can't you see where your walking?" You muttered at Seungcheol, moving away from him to place the glass on the kitchen island.

He hugged you from the back, his fingernails digging into your skin.

"You...have had quite the attitude with me lately, where is this coming from...hm?" He whispered darkly in your ear, as you looked at the guys to make sure they weren't looking.

"Nowhere..and what attitude, just cuz I told you to watch where your walking?" You scoffed, trying to keep your composure when you felt his teeth graze your earlobe.

"Don't act smart with me, you know what I'm talking about," he spat, making you smile.

He bought one of his hands down to your clothed core, while the other stayed firm against your waist.

"Was it nice warming up with Jun sweetheart?" He asked rather softly, but you knew all to well not to answer such a question....but today, you would.

"Of course it was, he was so warm and cuddly I just wanted to sleep in his arms," you sighed, pretending to be day dreaming.

He turned you around suddenly, pushing you against the counter.

"I told you before, do not push me, right? I don't know why you're being so bold today but keep stepping over the line and I'll make sure you really regret it," he growled, towering over you easily.

"Look cheolie...I don't know what your talking about but I'm really just being friendly, your just overreacting," you said, rolling your eyes.

His grip on your waist tightened to the point where you winced.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" He asked lowly, making you smirk.

"Yeah, I did, so what?" You asked irritatedly.

"Okay that's it. Get that pretty little ass of yours inside my room, now," he spat, making you scoff in disbelief.

"And what? You really think I'm just going to obey you like some puppet, go away cheolie," you smiled, kissing his cheek before pushing him away.

You smiled to yourself as you saw his shocked expression, and just as you were about to walk away, he grabbed your wrist.

"Then behave...next time, I won't be asking, I'll be dragging you myself," he warned, letting go off your wrist.

You scoffed, taking a sip off your water walking back to sit next to Jun again.

"He's still singing?" You whispered to Jun as you watched Seungkwan in shock.

"Yep...and next up is Soonyoung," Jun replied, sighing in annoyance.

While watching Seungkwan completely loose himself to a bunch of girl group songs, you saw Seungcheol from the corner of your eyes come and sit down next to you.

"Hey baby," he whispered near your ear, like you weren't just talking a few mere minutes ago.

He kissed your cheek before sitting back comfortably against the couch, his hand coming up to rest on your thigh, something he always did as a way to show you he was there- or at times like this, to just remind Jun that your boyfriend was right there.

A smile made its way to your mouth as you realised what he was doing.

You turned to look at him, before moving a little closer to his ear.

"Awh is cheolie scared Jun will take me from you?" You whispered, before looking away and back to Seungkwan, who was still dancing.

"Everyone here knows you belong to me, love, but I think your the one that needs a reminder," he whispered back with his jaw clenched.

You chuckled as you rested your head on Jun's shoulder, scooting more closer to him.

"Your really warm, Jun," you said, loud enough so Seungcheol would hear.

Jun smiled, figuring out exactly what you were trying to do, and he was happy to help...how could he ever say no to a chance of pissing off someone like choi seungcheol?

"Are you cold? It must be his hoodie that isn't keeping you that warm..I have this really warm one that would look so cute on you," Jun said, making you smirk mentally.

"Really? Can I wear-"

You words were stuck in your throat when you felt Seungcheol's grip on your thigh tighten, but you quickly cleared your throat.

"Yeah of course, I'll go get it for you," Jun said, making you push Seungcheol's hand off your thigh before getting up.

"Sit down," Seungcheol suddenly said, just as you were about to follow Jun to his room.

You leaned down, pecking his neck before answering. "Stop being so jealous baby, I just want to wear something warmer."

His eyes narrowed on you, as you heard him grit his teeth. "You want something warm, then let's head to bed."

You chuckled lowly, bringing your hand up to ruffle his hair before pulling at his cheeks.

"I don't want your dick, cheol," you deadpanned, before walking away.

Just as you got to Jun's room, he had already got out the hoodie he was talking about.

"Here, you can change in the bathroom if you want," he said, handing the hood to you.

You nodded your head before walking to his bathroom, and locking the door behind you.

Taking off Seungcheol's hoodie, you frowned a little, knowing he could be hurt that you took off his favorite hoodie that he wanted you to wear, just so you could play around with him.

Shaking your head, you decided to just go with it, knowing he most likely won't mind since he probably knows your just trying to get him worked up.

you should've stopped there.

You fixed your hair after putting on Jun's hoodie, loving the way it suited you, and even though Seungcheol's hoodie was keeping you warm, this one was too.

"Wow you look amazing in it," Jun complimented, as you came out of the bathroom.

"Thank you, I love it!"

He smiled at you before the both of you walked out of the door and back to the living room.

You threw Seungcheol's hoodie to his face, making Jun and Vernon laugh.

"You have guts I admire," Vernon complimented you, as Seungcheol slowly pulled the hoodie away from his face, his angry eyes throwing daggers to your amused ones.

"You fucking did not," he drawled, making you smile at him innocently.

"What? I wanted to wear it," you said, flicking your hair as you went back to sit in between Jun and Seungcheol.

Seungcheol sighed angrily, his fingers curling into fists. He always loved that you wore his clothes, because he could smell himself all over you, but now that you wore Jun's, he wanted nothing more than to rip it off your body.

"What's wrong Seungcheol, you don't look well," you asked innocently, grabbing his arm and snuggling into him purposely, knowing he could smell Jun on you.

"Stop," he warned, making you smile.

"Alright, I'll leave you alone then," you said, pulling away from him and hugging Jun, leaning your head on his chest.

"Hey Jun, do you want to sing together?" You asked, as Jun looked at you.

"Yeah of course, let's join them," he said, grabbing your hand and pulling you up.

You both started joining in on the song Seungkwan and Soonyoung were so immersed in, as you forced Vernon to join aswell.

"Cheolie come join us," you said, turning to look at him.

He didn't respond, just looked at you blankly, but you knew he was burning in anger.

You bit your lip, wondering if you really had just crossed over the line, you knew far too well that when Seungcheol got angry he was brutal and merciless.

Just to be safe, you walked over to him and sat on his lap before pecking his cheek.

"You okay?" you asked carefully, massaging his tensed shoulders.

"Don't suck up to me now, you've pissed me off well enough already...I'm holding you responsible for this, not him," he growled, his eyes never leaving yours.

"It was a joke cheol, lighten up," you mumbled, slightly getting worried for yourself.

"Get off my lap and go enjoy your fun while you can," he whispered darkly, making a shiver run down your spine.

You hesitantly got off, giving him a small smile before turning around and walking back to the guys.

Seungcheol's words echoed in your mind while you sang and danced, and as much as you tried to ignore them, they only made you grow anxious, but also a little excited.

go enjoy your fun while you can

You knew you should've tried harder and maybe even apologised, but the look he gave you when he told you to get off his lap was enough to make you obey without even a second to loose.

While you were busy in your thoughts, you didn't hear Jun call your name, until he carried you up suddenly making you squeal.

"You seemed zoned out so I wanted to wake you up," he said, laughing at your shaken expression.

"God you scared m-"

"Put her down," Seungcheol's deep voice made everyone stop moving, as they turned to look at him.

"Relax we're just having fun," Jun said, holding you tighter as you wrapped your hands around his neck to support yourself.

"Just put her down hyung," Seungkwan whispered, as I looked at Jun.

"It's okay Jun you can put me down," I said, we were so close I could feel his hot breath against my skin.

"Okay this is my queue I'm suddenly tired, good night guys," Vernon said, giving me a smile before running off to his room.

Jun smiled at you, before turning to look at Seungcheol.

"And what if I don't want to?" He asked, raising one of his eyebrows at him.

Seungcheol got up, making you bite your lip as you realised this wasn't going to end well.

He put his hands in his pockets as he stood right in front of you guys. Seungcheol was beyond angry at this point, and mostly just pissed off at this moment with how his younger member was talking back to him, he wasn't going to let that happen.

"I think you've forgotten your place, but I'll ask you once more...let.her.go," Seungcheol drawled, his low dominant tone sending shivers down your spine.

"Jun," you called softly, patting him on the chest.

He sighed, nodding his head before putting you down slowly before Seungcheol grabbed your wrist roughly, pulling you to his side.

"Hey! Be careful!" You mumbled, trying to pull away from his grasp, but he only tightened it.

"That's enough for one night, it's already past 12, everyone go to bed," Seungcheol said sternly, making Seungkwan and Soonyoung nod, before turning the TV off. As much as they wanted to continue singing, they knew better than to annoy their leader when he already seemed so on edge.

"Look I'm sorry, okay? We were just messing around...she's yours and I know that," Jun said, patting Seungcheol's shoulder before winking your way.

"Goodnight guys," he added, before walking away.

You swallowed harshly when you heard Jun's room door open and close. Seungcheol was still not saying anything to you, but you could feel the anger radiating off him, as he was still looking straight ahead.

"Now you...." He trailed off, finally meeting eyes with you.

You bit your bottom lip, wanting nothing more than to dash out of the apartment before he could say anything more.

"Get your ass in my room before I drag you there myself," he spat, his voice laced with authority.

He let go of your wrist, making you rub the sore area as you nodded your head.

You feet walked for themselves as your mind clouded with nothing but regret, why did you even think of this stupid idea again?

You knew Seungcheol was right behind you from his heavy steps and slow breathing, his eyes burning holes into your back.

Once you were in his room, you heard the door shut behind you, before the faint sound of the lock perked your ears.

You didn't dare turn around, as you kept your eyes to the ground, not knowing how to get out of this situation.

should've thought this through huh.

You thought to yourself, before you were forced to shoo away your thoughts when you heard Seungcheol clear his throat.

"Turn around."

You did as he said, hoping he'd forgive you if you at least listened to him now.

"How long did you wanna keep that act up, hm?" He asked, as you looked down at your entwined fingers.

"I-I was j-just-"

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," he drawled, making you look up at him slowly.

"I was just messing with you cheol, I didn't think you would take it that seriously," you bravely said, making Seungcheol nod.

"Hmm..well didn't I warn you before not to fuck around with me like that?" He shot, making you bite your bottom lip, not knowing how to answer him.

"Y-Yes....yes you did...I-I'm sorry," you whispered, trying your hardest not to look away from him.

He sighed irritatedly, eyeing you head to toe.

"Take it off."

"Huh?" You asked dumbly, making Seungcheol swallow harshly, his adam's apple bobbing up and down.

"Take off his hoodie," he spat, making you slowly nod.

You bought your shaky fingers to the hem of the hoodie, playing with it slightly.

"For fucks sake hurry up, or I'm gonna have to rip it off myself."

You quickly pulled it over your head, throwing it to the couch in his room before you covered yourself with your arms, feeling a little conscious since you were only wearing a bra inside.

"Good."

He started slowly walking to you, making you take a step back as you watched him unbutton the first few buttons on his shirt.

"Never, ever let me catch you wearing any of their clothes ever again, understood?" He drawled, a hand coming up to caress your cheek.

"O-Okay," you mumbled, as his hand on your cheek went down to your neck.

"So, why did you decide to piss me off so much today, love?" His voice was somewhat calm, which was starting to freak you out.

"I-I..."

"Loss of words I see? Well let me tell you what I think then.."

He pulled you closer to him, his hand caressing the back of your neck.

"Was it because you suddenly felt the need to get me angry just so you could laugh about it later?...well whose laughing now sweetheart?" He mused, chuckling at your facial expression.

"Or maybe it was because you knew, once you were done and we were alone...I'd fuck all the right senses into you, have you screaming while I showed you no mercy whatsoever.."

You bit back a whine at his words, the dominance in his voice shooting right down to your throbbing pussy.

"You knew god damn well not to piss me off like that, fuck around with my friends like a fucking whore while I was right.there...what did you get out of that anyways?" He spat angrily.

You kept quiet, which only pissed him off further. "Answer me."

"I-I...don't know...I just wanted to..a-annoy you..." You trailed off, your breath getting caught in your throat when he wrapped his fingers around your neck.

"Well darling...you definetly did get something out of it....and it's not going to be fun for you," he growled, his grip on your neck tightening.

"I-I'm sorry.....I-I w-won't d-do it a-again," you stuttered out, holding onto his hand on your throat.

"Oh you won't, and I'll make sure of it," he spat, before letting you go and dropping his arms to the side.

He moved away from you and sat down on the edge of his bed, before calling you over with his finger.

"Come here princess."

You swallowed harshly, before walking over to him slowly. You stood in front of him, waiting for his next order.

"Take off your...my pants," he said, watching you closely.

You slowly bent down, pulling his sweatpants down your body before shaking it off your feet.

"Good....now I want you over my lap."

Your eyes widened, knowing exactly what that meant.

"Cheol, look, I'm sorry and-"

"I said, over. my. lap," he repeated sternly, making you swallow harshly.

You climbed over his lap, your limbs starting to shake when he placed one of his big warm hands over your ass, smoothing over it.

"You've...made it quiet the habit to disobey me...especially in front of my friends...and I am fucking sick of it...but you won't do it again, right baby?" He asked you softly, his hands pulling at your ass, avoiding the area you needed him the most.

"Y-Yes I won't..I won't do it again, I promise," your lips quivered, bracing for the impact.

It was silent for a while, before you felt his palm make contact with your ass harshly, causing you to lurch forward with a cry leaving your lips.

"Yeah that's right, be as loud as you can, rooms soundproof remember?..but I think you would've loved it if it wasn't hey?" He drawled, smacking you once again.

"Sh-shit!" You bit your lip, as you felt the strong burning sensation spread.

"Did you enjoy warming up to another man right in front of me?" Seungcheol growled, before smacking your ass once again, this time to the other cheek.

You groaned in pain, your elbows giving out, making you land face first onto the mattress.

"Answer when you are spoken to slut."

You turned your face to the side, looking up at him. "N-No I d-didn't."

"And will you ever do it again?" He spat, his hand soothing the red skin.

"Depends," you mumbled, smirking devilishly as you looked up at him.

His clenched his jaw, as his hands crawled up your skin and to your hair, pulling on it as you screamed.

"Guess I'll have to keep going until I get a satisfied answer from you then."

Your eyes shut tightly as another hard hit landed on your already aching cheeks.

It only got worse from there, as his hits got harder, and faster, as you cried in pain.

Your lower body suddenly felt numb, as Seungcheol stopped.

"Now try again....will you ever let a man that close to you ever again?"

You shook your head vigorously, "N-No never."

Seungcheol chuckled, his grip tightening on your hair.

"Good." He whispered, dragging his finger down your clothed core, chuckling deeply at how wet you were.

"What a fucking slut...are you seriously wet from this?"

You felt the heat rush to your cheeks as you refused to look at him.

"Or are you wet from flirting with Jun from before," he drawled, pulling your panties down roughly.

You didn't reply, which only made Seungcheol angrier as he spanked you again, making more tears fill your eyes.

"Tell me...while you flirt with other men and get close to them...do you at least remember who you belong to?" He asked, another loud smack landing on the same area as the last two.

You moaned loudly, finally feeling the pain subside a little as you only had the diritest thoughts running in your head now..but of course, your boyfriend had other plans.

He scoffed, "No answer, let's see if you'll talk after this."

Two of his fingers found your dripping entrance, before pushing into you roughly without any warning.

You mewled at the feeling of his thick fingers sliding into your walls, as you gripped the sheets below you.

"I'm not gonna move my fingers until you speak princess."

You groaned loudly, trying to push yourself on his fingers since he wasn't going to do it for you anytime soon, but as soon as you tried, he gripped your hair tighter.

"Don't even think about it. Now answer me."

"God Seungcheol, yes! I-I do remember who I b-belong t-to," you moaned out, when he added a third finger.

"Mmmh....you sure, cuz it didn't look like you thought of me before..." He trailed off, taking his fingers out of you before pulling your panties back on.

"Why-"

Your whine got stuck in your throat when he landed another hard slap on your ass, making you jolt forward in surprise.

"I don't like lies princess," he growled, rubbing your cheeks as you felt your sticky substance spread all over your ass.

"I-I d-did....think o-of you," you whined, wanting nothing more than his fingers stuffed back in your pussy.

"No, you didn't...cuz if you did you wouldn't have done any of that in the first place," he spat, before he smacked you once again.

A moan left your lips, as you bit your lip to stop any other sound from escaping, as Seungcheol tsked.

"Oh? I see my little slut has started enjoying this, thats not good."

In seconds he had pulled you up by your hair, making you stand on your wobbling legs as he let go off you.

"On your knees, hands behind your back."

You did as you were told as you looked up, watching Seungcheol pull down his sweatpants along with his boxers.

One of his hands found purchase in your hair as he pulled you closer. "You've found ways to piss me off the entire day, your smart remarks, talking back to me...so lets finally put that dirty mouth of yours to good use hm?"

You swallowed harshly, nodding your head as your eyes fell on his red tip, that already had a little bit of pre-cum dripping down.

"Remember, no touching, and if I see your legs give out even a little....I won't be nice," He growled, gripping your hair tighter as his other hand guided his cock to your closed lips.

He opened his mouth, signalling you to do the same thing.

You gulped, knowing he wasn't going to go soft on you by the angry look in his eyes that still hadn't faded. You opened your mouth slowly as Seungcheol almost instantly pushed himself into you.

You gagged around him when you felt him hit the back of your throat, your mouth stretching beyond comfort as he used your mouth without any mercy.

"Look up at me, I wanna see my cock in your mouth properly," he rasped out, as you moaned around his length.

You looked up, watching how his eyes stared at you so intensely that you almost felt enchanted by them, the beads of sweat rolling down his face his expression filled with pure pleasure. But you were bought back to reality when you felt Seungcheol push more of his length down your throat as you choked around him, tears starting to fill your eyes.

"L-Look at you now princess, not so strong anymore hm? God this is the only good thing your mouth can do," he spat, before a long moan left his lips when you hallowed your cheeks, sucking on him.

You wanted to touch him, so badly, especially since you knew your legs couldn't support you much longer, but it would only anger him more so you tried your best to stand up straight as he fucked into your mouth much faster.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck....you take me in so well babygirl..just like that, I'm close," he groaned, gripping your hair tighter as you felt his cock twitch in your mouth.

He went faster as you whimpered slightly, your mouth starting to burn at his rough movements. He pushed you forward right down to his pelvic bone, making you let out the most sinful sounds.

After what felt like hours of his torture on you, he finally released in your mouth, some of it sliding straight down your throat before he pulled your head back, more of his cum hitting your tongue.

He pulled out of you, giving you the look that told you to swallow everything.

Your chest heaved up and down as you swallowed, the strong salty substance making your body tingle.

"Open your mouth, I wanna see it all gone," he asked, his own breathing erratic as he looked down at you.

You opened you mouth, sticking your tongue out, earning a moan of appreciation from your boyfriend.

"Good."

You looked up at him with half lidded eyes, silently telling him to let you get up as your knees started burning, along with your aching ass that still tingled in pain.

"You're so messy," he cooed, wiping the saliva mixed with his cum that was all over your mouth and chin with his hand.

He pulled you up by your hair, making you yelp in surprise."You were so good for me...but don't think I didn't notice your legs waver," he whispered darkly, making your eyes widen.

"Ch-Cheol I-I-"

"On the bed, legs spread out," he commanded, cutting you off.

"B-But Seungcheol I...my knees s-started getting uncomf-"

"Are you really going to make me repeat that again?" He growled, eyeing you angrily.

You swallowed harshly, shaking your head before moving away from him, your shaky hands and legs moving down to lay on the bed, as you hesitantly spread your legs a little, barely.

Seungcheol watched you with predatorial eyes, scoffing at you.

"I said, spread your legs," he spoke through gritted teeth, sitting down on the edge of the bed as he watched you while he rolled the sleeves of his button up.

You hesitantly spread your legs even further your drenched clothed core on full display to Seungcheol's hungry eyes.

"I want it all coming off your body," he said, pointing to your bra and panties.

You were quick to comply, starting with unclasping your bra before throwing it to the side, before you pulled down your panties, flicking it to the side.

"I haven't even touched you properly, yet your soaked," He said, tilting his head to the side a little, his eyes trained on your dripping entrance, making you shut your thighs tightly together out of reflex.

"Ah, ah, ah....spread them out," he warned, making you bite your bottom lip, as you slowly spread your legs once again.

"Now, touch yourself."

You were shocked at his words, Seungcheol never let you touch yourself...so you knew something was up.

You looked at him with slightly widened eyes.

"A-Are you serious?"

"Was I speaking in french?" He shot boredly, making you gulp as you shook your head.

You bought your fingers down to your seeping entrance, glancing at Seungcheol once before dipping one of your fingers in.

You moaned softly, adding a second finger when you realised it wasn't enough, as you started a slow pace.

"Go faster," Seungcheol's deep voice reminded you he was still in the room, as you looked over at him with hazy eyes.

You went faster, throwing your head back as you moaned over and over again, forgetting everything around you as you just focused on making yourself cum.

You felt your walls clench around your fingers, as you let out a long moan, the coil in your stomache threatening to snap.

And just as you were about to come undone, your fingers were yanked out of you.

"Seungcheol!" You almost screamed, shaking your legs around as he chuckled.

"Go again."

You hurriedly stuffed your fingers back in once he let go off your wrist, slowly building up the pleasure once again. You bought your free hand down to your clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves to bring you closer to the edge, the need to cum growing stronger by the second.

You worked your fingers harder, moaning and shaking as you came all around your fingers. Your breathing was uneven as you closed your eyes, completely sated.

Your happy mood was quickly ripped away when Seungcheol grabbed your thighs.

"Did you enjoy that sweetheart?" He asked sweetly, but you knew better.

He ran his thumb down your gushing entrance, making you shiver.

"Yes..."

"Yes what?" He growled, pushing in four of his fingers into you at once as you groaned.

"Yes....d-daddy," you moaned out breathlessly.

"Hmm...so much cum," he whispered, nuzzling his nose into your folds.

He lapped up the cum that had seeped out of your hole while he started moving his fingers in you, making you moan softly, your fingers tangling in his hair.

He looked up at you, his lips glistening in your essence as he glared at you.

"No touching," he mumbled, making you nod before letting go off him to grip the sheets underneath you.

Just as you felt your release was close, Seungcheol pulled his fingers out of you, before crawling over your body as he licked his fingers clean.

You whined as you clenched around nothing, feeling empty without his fingers.

"Don't worry baby, you'll have something in your pussy in no time," one of his hands came up to circle around your throat, while the other stayed firm against your hip.

"Now I'm going to tell you exactly what I'm going to do to you, and your going to listen alright?"

You nodded your head, as Seungcheol's grip on your throat tightened.

"Words, love," he warned.

"Y-Yes....daddy," you half moaned when you felt his lips graze your hardened nipple.

"I'm going to fuck you hard, tire you out so much to the point where you'll be begging me to stop...'cause that's what dirty whores like you want right? Well I'll gladly give it to you," he growled, flipping you over suddenly so you were laying on your back, your ass in the air.

"D-Don't be r-rough," you stuttered out, a shiver running down your spine when you felt the tip of his cock slowly circle your tight rim.

"You really thought I was going to go soft on you after that little stunt?" He asked, groping your ass as he spat in his other hand, rubbing it all over his cock as extra lubricant. He pushed his tip into you without warning, making you cry out for more.

"I see my little sluts getting impatient, hm?" He mused from behind you, before he landed a hit on your right cheek, making you hang your head down, moaning loudly.

"Seungcheol please," You groaned, as you tried to push yourself back on his cock, but he was quick to grip your hips, stopping your movements.

"Your not going to get it that easy...beg for it, slut," he spat, another smack landing on your ass.

"Daddy please.....I want you so bad," you whined, swaying your hips a little.

"Why should I give you what you want when all you've been doing tonight is disobeying me?"

"I-I'll be good, I p-promise...ch-cheol, please," you moaned out, as you felt your arousal drip down your thighs and onto the sheets

"You really are such a needy whore, you know that? You flirt with other guys, pretend like I can't see what your doing....and now your shamelessly begging me to fuck you?"

"N-No...all I want is y-you," you stuttered out, all shame leaving your mind, as the only thing that was running through your mind was Seungcheol fucking you.

He growled lowly before pushing into you completely, filling your ass to the brim.

"Fuck....d-daddy you feel so good," you moaned out, as your hands that were keeping you up finally gave out, as your face landed on the pillow.

"Such a whore...get up and look at me."

You did as he said, getting back up on your shaking arms before turning back to look at him. His jaw was clenched down, and the look he had in his eyes was enough to show you how much of a deep hole you were in.

"Tell me...could Jun or any other guy fuck you like this?" He growled, as he pulled out of you before slamming back into you with force.

You broke eye contact with him, as you hit the pillow below you once again from the impact.

"Answer me, or I'll stop," he warned, making you whine.

"N-No, cheol....n-no o-one c-could," you somehow made out, even with you mind all over the place, the only thng you could focus on being Seungcheol.

"Yeah thats right, no one could use you like I fucking do," he spat, smacking your ass harshly, making you choke on your moans.

His movements went rougher, as you felt the tears of pleasure blur your sight. "Ch-cheol, go s-slower."

You felt his hand wrap around your throat, before he pulled you up roughly, your back hitting his chest as your eyes rolled to the back of your head at the angle his cock was hitting you.

"Your in no position to be telling me what to do, so I suggest you just take what I give you, I'm pissed off as it is," he growled in your ear, before his lips found your neck, biting down on your sensitive skin.

A scream left your throat as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten, feeling your release was close.

"Cum only when I tell you to," he whispered in your ear, before placing kisses on your cheek, which shocked you at his sudden softness.

"All mine, your entire body belongs to me...right babygirl?" He asked sweetly, snapping his hips harshly as you heard him grunt into your ear.

"Y-Yes...sh-shit cheol you feel so g-good," you cried out, the tears rolling down your face as you shook uncontrollably.

"I can feel you clenching, don't you dare cum," he warned, as his grip tightened on your throat, making you a little dizzy.

Tons of moans slipped from your lips, as you threw your head back onto Seungcheol's chest, screaming out his name.

Seungcheol's free hand went down your stomach, before his fingers slipped through your wet folds.

You let out a guttural moan, shaking your head as Seungcheol pressed hard circles into your clit.

"I-I need....to..c-cum plea-"

"Not yet, this is your punishment for not behaving properly...so if you want to make it worse for you, by all means...cum all you want like the slut you are," he seethed, before his lips went back to sucking dark purple and red marks into your neck.

"Cheol please!" You screamed, and without any other warning you felt yourself fall over the edge, the pleasure washing over you in waves as you moaned loudly, your body shaking.

Seungcheol growled angrily, pulling his fingers away from your clit before pushing you down on the bed harshly.

"Now your really pissing me off," he spat, pulling out of you as you sighed in content, letting your eyes close as you relaxed on the mattress.

He flipped you around, his fingers running down your entrance.

"Didn't I tell you not to cum yet?" He asked, eyes flaring at you.

You looked at him lazily. "I c-couldn't take it...I'm s-sorry."

"A sorry isn't going to fix this baby," he smiled at you, grabbing your thighs and pulling you towards him.

"Since my little whore can't seem to do as she's told, I'm willing to let you go on this one..."

"W-What?" You stuttered out.

"Since you want to cum so badly, let's see how much you can until you can't take it anymore," he smiled devilishly, as you felt the tip of his cock rub your folds.

A quiet moan left your lips, as you snaked your arms around Seungcheol's neck.

"Your not allowed to touch me, hands above your head," he spat, making you whine.

"Why baby...you love it when I touch you don't you?" You asked with a pout, your fingers raking down his arms.

"You don't deserve to touch me," he shot, grabbing your wrists and placing them above your head.

"Keep them there."

You nodded your head slowly, licking your lips as Seungcheol's eyes travelled to yours, before trailing down to your lips.

He wanted to kiss you, so badly, but he wasn't going to give in to you. Just the thought of Jun touching you was enough to have his blood boiling and all self control leaving him.

"Gonna fuck you so good, you'll think of this everytime you do so much as think of touching another man," he growled in your ear, before he slammed up into you roughly.

You groaned from the stretch, your walls sucking in his cock slowly as he moaned from above you.

"Shit fuck your still so tight," he hoarsed out, his lips finding your right nipple, before he had it between his teeth.

You felt him fill you to the brim, balls deep as you moaned into his ear from the feeling of being so full.

"Your hands are staying there, remember," he warned, making you nod as he completely pulled out, before pushing back into you.

Your fingers curled into fists as you moaned over and over again, Seungcheol's pace going faster by the seconds passing.

His lips bit into the sensitive flesh just under your collarbones, making you scream.

"Cheol what the fuck that hurt you idiot!" You angrily said, pushing his face away. Seungcheol was quick at becoming very aggressive when you guys normally had sex, especially if he was stressed or in a bad mood...or very pissed off at something you did like right now.

One of his hands left your hip to tangle in your hair, as he pulled on it, ignoring your angry eyes as he bit his lip, snapping his hips up into you.

You shook furiously, your orgasm quickly approaching as you threw your head back, tons of moans escaping your mouth.

"You enjoy being fucked like this doll? You love it when I use you like this don't you?" He asked, his mouth parting as you heard the ragged breaths that left his lips as he didn't slow his pace down. You nodded furiously, moaning out his name as you felt your release was close.

"Words."

"Y-Yes...yes I-I do, I l-love it!" You whimpered, your mind going blank as you could only focus on Seungcheol abusing your walls, and the sinful sounds leaving his mouth.

"Sh-shit cheol...y-you need to s-slow d-down," you somehow made out, as you felt him twitch inside you.

Seungcheol moaned into your ear, his hand in your hair loosening as he gripped your hips instead, his fingernails digging into your skin.

He ignored your words, his mouth sucking colorful marks into your neck as you cried out his name.

"Gonna fill you full of my cum, until it has no choice but to drip out of you...and then I'm  gonna fuck it back into you," he whispered darkly, another heavenly groan leaving his lips.

"That should teach a whore like you to remember who she belongs to," he added, looking at you right in the eye.

His eyes were a few shades darker than usual, the lust and hunger evident in them as he bit his lips.

"Open your mouth."

You did as you were told, staying quiet as he pushed in three of his fingers into your mouth. You sucked on them happily, rolling your tongue around each digit before he was pulling them out.

"God your so hot," he muttered, bringing his coated fingers to your clit, before he started rubbing you roughly.

A garbled moan left your mouth as you came all over his cock, shaking in pure ecstasy while he rode out your orgasm.

He came soon after with a few more thrusts, his hot liquid filling you up as you shuddered from the warmth, closing your tired eyes.

You thought he was done when he started shifting and pulled out of you, but you were too tired to open your heavy eyelids to see. He placed one of your thighs over his shoulder, making your eyes shoot up.

"W-Wait what are you doing?"

"Who ever said I was done with you princess?" He asked, kissing your thigh before he was pushing into you once again.

"N-not more ch-cheol...I-I can't," you breathlessly moaned, the new angle making your insides tingle as you eyes rolled to the back of your head.

He snapped his hips, pounding into you deeply as he let out grunts and moans every now and then.

"Of course you can take more, that's what my slut is used for right? Taking what daddy gives her like a good girl."

"Please Seungcheol...n-no," your head started spinning as you lost all clear mind on what was happening, the pleasure being too much to handle.

"You love cumming like a little desperate slut without my permission, right? So come on, keep cumming, I'm not going to stop anytime soon."

Your eyes widened, was he serious?

The anger in his eyes was enough to give you the answer, he was genuinely still mad and you knew you had to make up for it.

"Ch-cheol...I'm s-sorry...s-so sorry I won't d-do that e-ever a-..again," you breathed out, squeezing your eyes shut as you felt the pleasure shake through your body as you came once again.

"Told you I'd make you beg.." He trailed off with a chuckle, as his fingers thread through you hair.

"Tell me...who do you belong to slut?"

"Y-You....y-you Seungcheol!" You screamed, tears spilling from your eyes.

"That's right...your all for me, and me alone...am I understood?" He growled, making you nod your head feverishly.

"Yes...y-yes, yes," you mumbled, your thighs shaking violently as Seungcheol fucked you through your orgasm, the oversensitivity causing you to cry out for him to stop.

"I-It h-hurts stop!" You sobbed out, looking up at him through bleary eyes. His eyes bore back into yours with nothing but lust, as he continued his pace without any mercy on you.

The pleasure mixed with slight pain at his rough movements, leaving you breathless, unable to move, and shocked that he still had so much stamina to keep going.

you really had hit the wrong nerve tonight, one you don't think you'll ever risk touching ever again.

He placed your thigh back on the mattress, before his fingers went down to your aching pussy, before he started rubbing tight circles into your clit, abusing the already swollen nub. A sudden wave of sensitivity hit you, as you came once again, throwing your head back as you whimpered.

His lips leaned down to lick and suck at your neck, making sure to paint as many marks as he could so you wouldn't be able to cover it the next morning.

"Think of this, think of this very moment every time you decide to get under my skin," he growled in your ear, before he moaned lowly, ropes of his cum filling you up once again.

He pulled out completely, a sigh leaving your lips as you looked down at him, as he watched his cum mixed with your own leak out of your hole, as you clenched around nothing.

"You look so pretty stuffed with my cum princess...makes me feel like fucking you like this all night," he moaned, swiping his thumb up and down your entrance, loving the way you squirmed under his touch and how more of his cum only oozed out, dripping onto the sheets.

He bought his fingers to your mouth, forcing them in as you sucked them clean of his cum.

"Want more?" He asked, bringing his fingers back down to your entrance, pushing them into you and collecting more of his liquid.

You nodded your head, knowing you would only anger him if you didn't accept it.

"Now that's my good girl...you always need me fucking the right senses into you, don't you? Because now your being so perfect...just how I like it," he nuzzled his nose into your neck, as you sucked on his fingers.

He entered you again, making you look at him in shock as he took his fingers out of your mouth.

"N-No....not again," your voice broke as Seungcheol kissed your cheek lovingly.

"Just one more princess...one more and thats it I promise."

He connected his lips to yours as he started moving his hips, his fingers going down to play with your clit. He pinched the nub between his fingers, as you felt yourself get lost in pleasure once again.

The next morning you woke up early, even though you had slept pretty late- well more like passed out.

Even in your shaken and aching state last night, you remembered Seungcheol carrying you into his bathroom and running you a warm bath as he joined you. He had whispered sweet nothings into your ear, apologising over and over again if he had been too rough on you as he cleaned you up.

After a long bath, he tucked you into bed before snuggling with you.

You smiled at the memory, as you finished tying your hair up. You walked out of the bathroom, your eyes falling on a still sleeping cheol, his fluffy hair all over his face and his mouth slightly agape, soft breaths falling from his full lips.

Giggling quietly, you grabbed your phone from the bedside table before walking out of his room slowly.

The morning light shone through the windows into the dorm room, as you limped into the kitchen, you needed something hot, preferably tea to ease your aching muscles.

"Good morning," you heard Jun's voice, breaking the silence around the dorm.

"Morning," you said back, turning to look at him as you placed your tea bag in the cup of hot water.

"Your up early," he mumbled, yawning loudly as he stretched, making you giggle.

"Yeah...I got hungry...you want some tea?" You asked, pointing to your cup, making him shake his head.

"Nah it's okay, I just want some milk," he replied, walking to the fridge.

"Morning baby," you heard from behind you, making you jump a little.

You turned around, smiling once your eyes laid on Seungcheol's warm ones. Although you were a bit anxious to be near him especially when Jun was there, you still hugged him, before pecking his lips.

"Morning," you whispered, letting go of him as you turned back around to finish your tea.

"Good Morning Jun," Seungcheol said before wrapping his arms around your waist, hugging you from behind.

You winced as his arms pressed into your aching skin, but you tried to ignore it.

"Morning hyung....slept well?" He asked, winking at Seungcheol before pouring himself a glass of milk.

"Very well, how about you?" He replied, kissing your neck shamelessly in front of him, making you squirm in his touch, your cheeks heating up.

"Yeah pretty good..." He trailed off, throwing a sly smirk at the both of you before putting his empty glass in the sink.

"Well I'm off to get some groceries, before the others come home to kill me...it's my turn for this week," Jun said, making you laugh.

"Wanna come?" He asked you, tilting his head a little.

You were about to reply yes but Seungcheol bet you to it.

"I'm taking her out somewhere so sorry, she can't come," he said, making Jun shrug.

"Okay, have fun guys..and Y/N...maybe wear something else," he added, before walking towards the door.

You looked down at Seungcheol's hoodie that you were wearing, your eyes growing bigger when you realised it failed to cover all the marks on your neck.

Seungcheol chuckled, nuzzling his face into your neck making you laugh as it tickled you softly.

"Hey cheol...were you serious about going out?" You asked, as you felt him place kisses all over your neck.

"Yeah I was...I have a place in mind, your going to love it," he said, before kissing your cheek.

"Alright, but first can we go to my apartment so I can get some decent clothes?" You asked, making Seungcheol chuckle, his dimples on full display.

"Yeah your right let's go."

#seungcheol smut #s.coups smut #seungcheol scenarios #seungcheol imagines #seventeen smut #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #kpop smut

[antonhousehold]

im in love with you, sorry; deku

prompt: there's this boy. he's an angel. he's always helping the people around him, just for the sake of seeing them happy. and when you met him, it's almost impossible not to fall for this boy. the only thing that is stopping you from confessing, is him. "you have constellation in your face"

genre: angst

reader: gn neutral

tw: angst, unrequited love, swearing, deku being totally oblivious, reader is really sad lol, regrets, humiliation (not by deku but the reader gets into awkward situations), injuries (not that bad, reader just faints) mentions of killing reader (just once and it was a joke)

note: hiii, this is my second angst lmao, please don't expect too much. english is not my first language so I'm pretty sure i'll be messing up with some grammar. sorry!!

if you could turn back time, would you have the courage to tell him the truth?

maybe everything would be different.

or maybe not.

you felt the sweat rolling down your face, the weather getting cold and the roughness of the floor. everything was blurry, and the only thing that you heard, was his voice.

"[name] can you hear me?!"

"open your eyes please!". you thought he was crying, and the last thing your blurry vision could see, was those beautiful green eyes, staring at you with so much fear. then, everything became white. the smell of medicine and the feeling of being stuck between your body and your mind, was suffocating. you're in the nursing. there's no noise around you, just a messy green hair that peeks over the couch.

"deku?"

he wakes up almost immediately as you say his name.

"dear lord! [name] are you okay?!" he approached your bed and his bright eyes let you know how concerned he was.

"what happened to me?"

"we were training in the gym, and it seems that denki was going really hard to you" his lips pressed between them and a sad face painted his beautiful features "and you fainted. we were so worry about you".

his voice. his words. everything was magical when it comes about him. you felt your heart ache when his calloused hands touch your face.

how he would react to your love towards him. would he accept it? would he reject you?

you'll never know.

"did I scared you?" you asked.

"i almost faint too. don't push yourself too much. we care about you"

'do you care about me just as much I care about you?' you asked to yourself.

"even kacchan tried to get into the room to check on you" his beautiful fingers were running in your hair, so delicately that you think you're about to fall asleep again. his shining eyes were staring at you. even his freckles looked like a constellation.

"your frackles are like a constellation. you have stars in your face"

and as you pronounced those words, his face painted in a vivid red.

"don't say something like that"

'does your heart beat as fast like mine?'

"please rest a little. I'll be checking on you"

"you don't need to. you have stuff to do, Izuku"

he moves his head in disapproval. "nothing is more important than your health and your life. stuff can wait"

you want to kick him. how is it possible to him to be so kind with you? he makes you feel like you're the most important thing in the world. he makes you feel special, loved. but behind his lovely words and actions, you know that he's being just kind. he's being friendly. he's just a good boy.

your boy with stars in his face.

"can i ask you something?" he nods at your question. your blood rushes all over your body so fast, that you feel your body getting cold. maybe it's the medicine. maybe the pain in your back as you try to reach his face.

"i think I caught..."

the door crashes with all of your classmates.

"[name]! thanks god you're okay!" mina run into your bed almost crashing your bones into a tight hug.

"you're gonna hurt them" kirishima giggles.

then, you see a blonde boy coming to you. kaminari checks on you and your bruises. his face turns pale and his eyes starts to lose the light.

"I'm so, so, so sorry for everything I've done to you. I didn't realize how rough i was fighting. I've never wanted to hurt you. please forgive me" he says, at the edge of crying.

you laugh at his guilty face. "it was a mistake" you smiled at him "and i forgive you. you didn't kill me after all. but I'll get revange"

he chuckles and nods.

"you asshole" scoffs bakugou at the back of the room.

after everyone checking on you, every single person leaves the room, except for Izuku. who takes a little bit longer to see if you fever was rising.

"i'll talk to them and i'll be back. don't move"

"as if I could" he giggles.

his presence fades between the door and the corridor. you rest your head in your pillow, thinking about your almost-confession.

'i think i caught feelings for you. i'm in love with you, sorry'

you were about to open your heart, just for him. you wonder about his answer. you wonder how his hands could cup your face while staring at you with so much love. you want that. you want him to love you. you want him to hug you tight before heading to the dormitories. you want to run your fingers over his fuzzy and messy hair.

you want him so bad that it hurts.

your face turn to your right, just to see mina's backpack in the floor. you think in the important homework that aizawa talked in the class, and you worry about your friend. you try to get up, even with your sore legs. you rush over the door, hearing their voices in the next corner. you were about to yell your friends name, when you hear your own.

"i feel so bad for [name]. i didn't want to hurt them. i swear"

"we know, kaminari. it was an accident. shit happens" says mina.

"talking about [name], how's your relationship with them going on, midoriya" you think this voices is from sero.

"relationship?" asks.

"yeah. you're a couple, right?"

Izuku keeps quiet. you would like to see his face.

"im not in a relationship with them. we are friends"

"i thought you were together. i mean, they're always staring at you like your are the most beautiful thing in the whole world" kirishima voice echoes in your head.

your blood is running even colder than before. even your legs shakes a little.

"we are just friends" he says putting a little bit more of enphasis in his words. "i think of [name] as a friend. maybe a sibling. they're important to me, but I don't think I could ever date them. it's not my thing and I'm not looking for a romance right now in my life. i want to do other things that are more important, than a romantic relationship"

you alredy knew. you knew he couldn't love you, but still, you hoped that maybe, and just maybe, he would feel the same way.

it hurts.

"oh, come on, midoriya. they're a good person. i think they would be a great partner"

"even if it's like that, im not interested. i love them, but in a different way"

you felt the knob choking your throat. the warm and salty tears running all over your cheeks. you want to be alone. so you return to the room, walking as fast as your pain let you. at this point, you don't even know which part of your body hurts the most. your legs. your back. your arms. your heart.

you can't even see clearly with the tears blurrying your vision. so this is his answer.

but you still feel stupid. because you knew. you alredy knew he couldn't love. he couldn't be the izuku that you want him to be. you wish you could change your heart. just for another one. another heart that doesn't love deku so deeply.

you feel again the comfortable pillow behind your head, hugging you or so you felt. you can't stop thinking about his words. you can't even be angry at him, cause he's not a bad person. you can't blame him just for not corresponding your feelings. you can't be that selfish. he's only working over his dreams.

and sadly, you're not one of his.

but his one of yours.

the door opens, his face tired and big eyes stared at you with worry.

"[name]! what's going on? do you feel any pain? i'll call the nurse. don't worry. just don't cry please"

and you can't help but cry more.

he's a truly angel. even when he broke your heart, he still worries about you.

"im in love with you. sorry"

OMG! i wrote that. i hope it was sad enough. i also think I messed up with a lot of grammar, but i think it's understandable lol.

thank you for reading!!

#mha angst #Izuku angst #my hero academia #deku angst #bnha angst #Bnha x reader #deku x reader #bnha fanfiction #my hero academia angst #denki angst #boku no hero x reader #mha deku

[mikyouknow]

Please! Rewatch the quiz! I need something to remind me that that actually happened.

I still vividly remember that day. Going out on a chill bike ride with my two best friends for the first time in months. Sitting in the cool grass. Having a picknick. Not too hot out, nice weather. AND THEN I GET HOME TO THE ABSOLUTEL SHITSHOW THAT HAPPENED THAT DAY! Because what the HELL even was that, I still haven't processed anything. My mind keeps erasing that memory until some days the it just hits me square in the face and knocks me out 😀

So yeah! I would love it if you talked more about it, might help to cope a bit xD

Okay anon you motivated me, you were my Final push, I’m Doing it ! 🗣

Also I love that story tho you really have a Vivid memory connected to this whole thing and I’m living for it 😂 you were just having a nice day and then Boom, all this mess 💀

But aight so I’m Watching it rn and will be taking notes Live as I watch Here we go:

My first thoughts is, when Dream decides to do the quiz, he seems so like, confident? And then as soon as he reads the description, his voice falters at ‘and now things are changing’ and I’m Dead 💀 his confidence from two seconds prior in that moment goes like 📉 then cue flustered laugh lmao

“Do you ever catch yourself staring at your bff?” Dream’s flustered laugh and being all like “these questions are gonna be so weird” uhhhhh dude what are you expecting you’re taking a are you in love with your best friend quiz 💀

HES SO DEFENSIVE ON THIS ONE LIKE- he keeps wanting to make excuses aww drema aww 😭 it’s okay !! George is pretty we Understand you staring king 😌

Like legit that’s the first question and he’s already so flustered and- MY GOD GEORGE HASNT SAID A THING I JUST REALIZED WAIT HOLD ON I NEED TO GO BACK-

Two scoffs. That’s it 🧍‍♀️

GEORGE JSJWNSOWNEEJEN HES NOT SAYING ANYTHING IM DYING WHAT

Even when Dream first goes ‘aight imma take the am I in love w my best friend test’ George is SILENT 💀

Listen- listen, I’m having a moment over this cause I don’t remember him being silent from the start I thought it was like a slow descent into him just going silent eventually, BUT NO he’s just Silent from the moment the quiz is brought up 💀 but gives like a slight scoff when Dream’s voice wavered at “changing” like he’s very much Listening, just being So silent.

I just can’t wrap my head around how he doesn’t answer any of Dream’s comments, Dream keeps being like ‘right? Like that’s normal, right? Like that’s not weird. Right?’ And George is just SILENT 💀

“Do you get jealous if he or she has a bf or gf” LMAO THIS QUESTION MY BELOVED

His answer is so weird I will die on this hill.

ALSO GEORGE S P E A K S for the first time in the quiz 😭🗣 but not much, he says ‘but’, cause, yk, they both know he do get jealous so.

Which, again. Weird as hell. Imma say it, I’ve never felt jealous of my best friend getting a partner like what ???? W h a t

But ofc when they’re so clingy on each other, like a partner would take the others place because they pretty much have each other in that spot already, so it makes sense huh

And that’s not platonic btw I wanna make that clear LMAO

I think the points of which George laughs are interesting. And there’s something interesting to his laugh too. I don’t see his face lighting up with it, if that makes sense. It’s like a, I wouldn’t say ‘nervous’ laugh but, I struggle to find a better word for it 🤔

AYO MY MANS DREAM SAYS I DONT KNOW TO IF HE GETS BUTTERFLIES FROM GEORGE I- 💀

THATS NOT AN I DONT KNOW QUESTION KING

EITHER YOU DO OR YOU DONT AND YOU KNOW IF YOU DO OR DONT LIKE W H A T

I have to sit with this one for a second like . What ? 🧍‍♀️

Butterflies.

I’ve never. In my life. Like.

That’s not- you can’t say you don’t know- THAT MEANS LIKE-

Dear lord.

Aight I’m moving on (not actually imma be awake thinking about this later. Not by choice, absolutely not. This just won’t leave my brain unfortunately.)

Hang on. George says something here when Dream says ‘I have no idea’ but I can’t tell what he’s saying ? Like he mumbles something whilst Dream starts talking at the same time and I can’t make it out and I wanna know what he says 💀🗣

I Think he says ‘what do you mean you have no idea?’ Which like, YEAH, you Should question him on that king 🧍‍♀️ but it’s interesting how quiet he is, like he barely pushes the question, and this is like the second ?? Time he’s spoken so far. 🧍‍♀️

Also Listen to how flustered Dream sounds my god💀

This quiz never should’ve happened what’s Wrong with him like is he this blind ?? Did he Really think taking this quiz was gonna end well ?? 💀

“TecHniCally🥴”

“My future is your future”

I feel like we’ve talked abt these LMAO such Romantic phrasing my god

Again him going ‘right?’ And George is Dead Silent 💀

It’s interesting, like I’ve reached the ‘dreams’ question now, and it’s hitting now and throughout this quiz how, Dream is Loudly deflective, but George is silently deflective. If that makes sense? Like he’s choosing not to speak so his words can’t be thrown back at him cause he Knows if he speaks it’ll be obvious. Whilst Dream over explains and fucks himself over p much lmao. They’re both just a mess around this subject 💀

“How would You be in my dream” is such a funny sentence from George LMAO he’s so defensive 💀 like even I have had dreams abt Dream, like you’re his Best Friend, ofc you have dreams abt him my guy 💀 deflecting it is so weird. So Weird

“I’ve never hugged you” Sad hours 😔

It’s interesting here. Cause they speak abt the whole ‘do you go out of your way for this person’ and Dream is stuck on if he should say ‘more than anyone else I know’ or not. Which, there’s ofc observations to be had here as well.

But ! What I found interesting here was how George goes onto say ‘you made me pay you’ when Dream says he edited his video for him. And how George keeps the ‘lie’ going for a very short bit before laughing slightly, by god he sounds so.. different? Like when he usually makes little lies to troll or stuff like that, he’s much more extra and keeps the bit going and- idk how to explain it but the tone of his voice is usually way different. Here he seems to, idk, struggle to keep that up. His laugh is also just like, somewhat toneless?

LMAO The MOMENT Dream got the question ‘what do you think abt their laugh’ George’s laugh Stops. 💀

“Do you ever think abt what it would be like to Kiss your best friend?”

THE SILENCE

Also,

how Dream read ‘kiss’ 🤝 how Dream read ‘changing’

Some words hit this man different huh LMAO

“Why did that take you so long” on the kiss question, CALL HIM OUT GEORGE 🗣

HRKEJEKEEJEKJEEIEJ HOW ARE THOSE- SORRY WHAT DREAM ??

“HOW ARE THOSE THE ONLY OPTIONS” ???

God, for real, I wish Dream would get to sit down with someone one day who just Listened to him speak and allowed him to slip up and just sound so in love with George like give himself away simply because nobody is saying how weird he’s-

Hold on.

Wait. A minute.

George.

George is doing that LMAOOOO

Him sitting there silently and not responding to all his small questions abt what he Should answer and such, he’s so smart🧍‍♀️

AIGHT MOVING ON

George’s laugh keeps sounding very, like, strange😅

Anyways the way Dream Had to have a ‘yes’ answer to the kiss one will forever keep me up at night. Now along with the butterflies one🧍‍♀️

I rly wonder what options it is Dream is looking for when he says ‘none of these options’ so often. What is it you wanna say king ?

WHY IS THE BUTTERFLIES QUESTION TWICE AND WHY IS HIS ANSWER NOW DIFFERENT LMAO - drema it’s okay it’s Safe Space 🗣 I feel like he probably saw chat responding to his first answer and realized ‘oop, that’s not platonic’ and changed his answer LMAO 💀 he’s- Ahh hard to find the right words for my Thoughts here, but he’s doing that thing where he looks for others what is ‘normal’ instead of seeing what he feels, cause what He feels is, uh, well we all know what results he got at the end there,,

I mean the kiss question is all u need really. The butterflies one puts icing on the whole cake.

“Do you compare this person to others you’ve dated? Noo...” AIGHT AND THERE WE HAVE THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THE WHOLE THING

This was the one of the Most sus ones imo from when I first watched it. It had my head spin, head in hands for Days.

What do you MEAN you compare him to others you’ve dated? Why does he tell George to shut up, why do they both Know there’s a story there- I have so many questions on this and- this isn’t platonic 💀😭 AT ALL - and there’s no excuse or explanations for this one, they just Move On 💀

The Speed at which they move on 💀

And then George goes So silent 🧍‍♀️

Dream is cruising through the questions and George is so silent now. He was Stunned into silence from that shut up LMAO

I like how Dream picked ‘absolutely’ on being able to tell George everything :’)

So.

Why does George not say anything on the ‘do you think your best friend is in love with you’ question? No joke, no protest, no- no nothing?

That leaves us to fill in the blanks king, just saying🧍‍♀️

Why does Dream sound sarcastic when he says it’s a tough question LMAO

“I have no idea” aight good answer ig LMAO let’s Pretend

George’s silence is for real very sus there. Very. 🥴

Dream putting ‘no’ on thinking he’s in love, is Very funny and shows just how blind he is to himself.

He rly put ‘I don’t know’ for the butterflies one and found the nearest ‘yes’ option for the kiss one and then still put ‘no’ at the end - he’s a lost cause and owns no mirrors I see how it is. (/j btw lmao I have hope in drema ofc, he too can become more self aware one day<3)

“You are a little in love with your best friend” cue both of them laughing in just the weirdest ways. George just sounds absolutely toneless like, I don’t think he’s even smiling with that laugh, gaze absolutely dazed at what he’s being witness to, not even knowing what to do with himself in that moment. And Dream’s laugh is also just, weird?

“You don’t wanna ruin it, Dream.” Followed by Dream’s immediate, “oh what? It says-“ like immediately moving on lmao 💀 that “oh what?” Sounded like “oh what’s that there oh that’s rly weird wow let’s move on from what you just said ahem wow really weird thing over there” LMAO

“There’s a two percent chance there” LMAO

OH NO THE SILENCE WHAT

I THOUGHT I ACCIDENTALLY PAUSED THE VIDEO BUT THE SILENCE IS SO LONG AND SO LOUD

Then Dream going onto pretending like he’s gonna do another test As If he’s not been planning his escape excuse from the very moment he got those test results LMAO

And the silent pauses are taking me out 💀

‘I think we’re done’ HOW COULD HE LEAVE AT THAT POINT 💀💀💀

“COOL PODCAST” IM DEAD ON THE FLOOR

“WHY ARE YOU SO NOSY” DREAM I- WHY U SO DEFENSIVE GEORGE ASKING WHERE YOU’RE GOING IS A NORMAL THING TO ASK 💀YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S SUDDENLY LEAVING

NOT DREAM AWKWARDLY SINGING THE WIZARD OF OZ-

HE SOUNDS SO WEIRD-

The tone of his voice is so off my guy is so ready to leave and sit and stare at a wall whilst looping heatwaves for five hours 💀

:((((( drema my beloved :((((( it’s okay to be in love !!

Not him leaving- he full on ignored George’s ‘where are you going?’

He’s not going anywhere istg the moment he left that discord he put his head in his hands and just Stared 💀

Poor George 🥺

#aight those were my thoughts omg this got so long LMAO #I legit thought I’d have barely any notes going into this #and then I ended up having to pause every five seconds cause there was just So Much to unpack 🥴😭 #so Many Thoughts #so anyways sry anon that this took me a moment lmaoo #but here’s just a whole analysis on the are u in love w your best friend quiz #I never did do one like a lot of others did after that stream #I needed five business days to process #that turned into months apparently LMAO #but now here they are: My Thoughts #long post #that read me option has never been more needed LMAO #dnf observer answers ask #dnf tings and rambles #dreamnotfound #my analysis #edit: I was gonna post this a few days ago but Stuff happened so am posting it now finally🗣

[k0kichiimagines]

saeyoung !! happy birthday!! my love as well!! alsomykin!! sorry this is late (its past midnight here)

- mod kokichi

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

your humour, your bravery! physically - your eyes and cheeks

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

he does! he has a call where he wonders if he can actually have his dream of a family :) equally he's more then happy with just you, saeran and vanderwood. he would want time to strengthen his relationship with saeran especially, but after a few years...if you want. i feel like he also would only want a few, and a few years apart. he would want to give them his attention fully,, equally if you have twins he'd be overjoyed too.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

clings to you! he likes any position (aha), but expect a lot of protective ones, especially while he's in / just left the agency

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

eventful LMAO

honestly, it depends, he'll take you star gazing and to the movies, and theme parks

but also driving at 2am, and making robots, the list is endless and half the time spontaneous

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

"you are my world, my dreams, my future"

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

over the chatroom, and he felt awful and selfish, he led you one despite feeling like he could never actually date you

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

very gentle!! he'd feel awful if he ever hurt you,, the whole 'im dangerous' would come back

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

he likes to have your hands near each other, little fingers linked, or fully hand holding, he'll do the 'bring hand to lips to kiss' thing a lot

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

someone cute and who clicked instantly with him!

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

yes.

he'll hug you from behind in front of them he has no shame, resting his head on your shoulder / head and glare at them

might even try kiss your neck too

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

i think the first kiss was more a 'both sides drawing in',, his kisses are unpredictable, sometimes soft, sometimes teasing, sometimes 'misses' just next to your lips,, but always gentle

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

you kinda say it when saeran grabs you, but in terms of sitting down and etc its him ,, and it feels like a weight of his chest, pure euphoria filling him when you say it back

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

any moments where he felt pure joy,, which happens a lot round you, wether its falling asleep or chasing each other, or running from either of the other two roommates, you're his joy

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

not buying so much, but he makes you a lot of stuff :) some of it is jokes, some of it actually really useful

he does buy you some stuff though !

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

blues! your favourite colours!

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

"606, my love, my baby, my star," a lot of overdone cheesy joke ones

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

probably old technology, stars,

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

complains, sulks, pouts, he likes going out once he's free but he doesn't actually hate the rain that much. he'll try cooking, and you'll need to help or the kitchen will be a mess of flames (he is a good cook, he just 'experiments' a lot)

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

bottles everything up, admits he's kinda sad in jokes, you'll need to confront him and be insistent to get anything out of him

he'll drop his jokes when you're upset, trying his best to be a shoulder to lean on and support for you.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

look hes a nerd (lovingly) he'll talk about maths, robots, hacking and cars, but equally games and shows and whatever you're into!

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

he likes making things !! if you read to him, or just talked about something he'd like that - might even fall asleep! not because hes bored, he just finds your voice soothing

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

his babes (the cars. and you/lh) but honestly all his gloating is jokes, he's pretty insecure

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

like saeran, he wants to make sure you want to as well! he'd do it under the stars, with a camera somewhere recording, music playing

he's a romantic at heart

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

,,,,Line Without A Hook- sorry its for everyone i know

i cant think of any love songs :(

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

you guys had matching rings and bracelets which im still sobbing over,, plus the normal ending,, and the the fact saeyoung is catholic i feel like the answer is yes.

plus...marriage at the space station :)

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

cats!! we all know the man loves them to death

#saeyoung x reader #707 x reader #luciel x reader #mystic messenger x reader #saeyoung choi x reader #707 #Mystic messenger #mystic messenger imagines #fluff

[wizardcommune]

gundham sfw alphabet

pairing - gundham tanaka x gn!reader

warnings - none!!

word count - 1.8k

a/n - FUCK YEAH GUNDHAM (also i apologize, i got lazy near the end)

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

in the beginning of the relationship, he would definitely be very hesitant to show physical or verbal affection since it wasn’t something he was used to. he’d show his love with acts of service and giving, most likely. (giving his s/o one of the devas if he knew they’d be separated for a short period of time, bringing them small trinkets he found like pretty rocks or bones, helping them with homework, etc.)

as time goes on, though, he’d become more comfortable with showing physical affection and would grow to become a huge cuddle bug!!! please hug him for me

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend?)

literally the coolest friend ever. especially if you had an alternative fashion sense, he’d be so down to go clothes shopping with you LMAO

if you were okay initiating physical affection outside of a romantic relationship, and were able to make him comfortable with that, he’d totally be That Friend who cuddles with you all the time!! he’d never mention it though, and would die on impact if you brought it up in front of any of his other friends/classmates

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

once he’s comfortable with it, yeah! he’s definitely super touch starved because of him not having friends most of his life, so having someone to cuddle would make his brain go ^^^^^

honestly, he’s good with any position so it’s up to his s/o. he prefers being able to see their face, though

the first time he ever cuddled with them he cried :(( shh don’t tell anyone though

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

man that’s his DREAM!! the idea of just getting to live with his s/o + animals makes his serotonin machine go BRR

honestly, i think he would fucking suck at cooking. baking, however. :))

because of having to clean up after his animals and keep things out of their way, he would naturally be a pretty neat person out of habit!! i don’t think he’d mind too much if his s/o was messy though.

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I DIDNT DO THIS ONE BECAUSE IT MADE ME SAD IM SORRY

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

gundham already sets up so many walls, and for his s/o to be able to break those down would already mean he’d be willing to commit. i don’t think he would ever just like.... date random people for funsies, so being in a romantic relationship with someone is already so big to him.

honestly, i can’t see him being the type to want to get married. he’d definitely want to settle down! but the idea of having a traditional wedding stresses him out. (of course, that doesn’t mean he’d be any less committed :))

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

dealing with small animals like the devas has left him gentle by nature!! he doesn’t even notice it, but he is always extremely careful with his s/o with the subconscious fear of accidentally hurting them/scaring them off :(

emotion wise, i think it’d be the same. when he cares about someone (whether it be romantic or platonic) he’s always cautious of teasing them too much since he knows that it can hurt sometimes. 

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

HE FUCKINGNF LOVES HUGS

they’re probably SO good too, like he’s the type to give those hugs that make you feel so safe. full on wraps his arms completely around you and rests his head on yours if you’re shorter (since he’d such a fucking giraffe my god)

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

it would definitely take a while for gundham to admit it. i can see him saying it on accident, like when he thinks you’re sleeping or not paying attention to him. he’d also need a lot of reassurance afterwards, just because of that initial fear of rejection

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

if he sees someone flirting with his s/o and they’re uncomfortable, he’ll immediately wrap an arm around their shoulder.

“they said they’re taken, respect that knave.”

sometimes he does get insecure that’s he’s too much for his s/o, considering he’s an evil tyrant, and that they might want to leave him for someone who’s..... not an evil tyrant.... (once again, please give him a hug)

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

like i said before, he’s very gentle when it comes to affection so his kisses are vv soft!! he’ll always hold their chin or one of their hands.

his favorite places to kiss his s/o are probably their forehead and hands!!

he loves being kissed everywhere, but he really likes neck kisses and any kisses around his face :^)

l = little ones (How are they around children?)

he’s great with kids!! he’d tell them stories of how he defeated different warlocks that tried to test him, or giant manticores he tamed.

i think he’d really like kids too, mostly because they’re so easy to impress LMAO

it inflates his ego a little bit whenever one gets really into one of his stories

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

if he wakes up before his s/o, he’d gently pull them into a hug while he waits for them to wake up (sobbing)

morning voice morning voice morning voice morning voice morning v

he memorized how his s/o likes their tea/coffee and will make it really groggily HAHA

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

okokok hear me out

i think that gundham is a really good singer, so he would 100% sing u to sleep

he’d be embarrassed as hell though LMAOO

he’d probably cuddle them before they fall asleep and talk about each other’s days or just random stuff until they get tired

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

i think a few months into their friendship? he would talk about his childhood randomly, but would prefer if they don’t make a huge deal about it.

he’d open up more if his s/o did first! he would take it as they trust him enough to talk about it.

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

it depends on the person! with someone like hiyoko, he can get pissed pretty quickly, but his patience is VERY thick with his s/o. generally, it takes a lot to anger him. 

that being said, if they put themself in danger he would get ticked off out of fear.

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

especially in the beginning of their relationship when he was hesitant about physical/verbal affection, he would focus heavily on listening to them. he really wanted to show them that he respects them a lot, and remembering small things they mentioned would convey that well.

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

after coming out of the shower, he walked in to see them asleep on his couch with the devas curled up on top of their chest. he went to go lay down with them and it just kind of.. hit him. that he wasn’t alone anymore and they loved and were there for him. :( 

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

he’s very protective!! (especially if you’re in the killing game) the thought of something happening to you is his worst fear. 

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

ALL THE EFFORT

if his s/o asks him to do something in passing, you BET he’s gonna make sure he does his best

he keeps track of anniversaries/important dates religiously because he’s terrified of accidentally forgetting LMAO

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

sometimes i think he might come off as cold when embarrassed because his persona is so important to him, but if they expressed being upset he would backtrack SO fast

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

not very much?? like, i think he would brag about his hair or something sometimes but he’s always joking LMAO

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

yes and no? if something ever happened to his s/o, he would feel horribly empty for a time. but i also think that being in a relationship could help him not feel so lonely and teach him better ways to take care of himself, so if they were to ever split he would be able to heal after he got over the initial sadness.

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

he’s a Mitski Understander (TM) his favorite songs are crack baby, pink in the night, and i bet on losing dogs, i’m up for debate

and yes i absolutely will be making a gundham playlist

i don’t know if this counts since i’m 90% projecting, but i hc him as trans and ND so like. solidarity if you are too wink wonk

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

a/n - just so everyone knows, i honestly think every character would be fine with any type of person since projecting is so important to a lot of us. these are just my personal headcanons, and if they don’t apply to you please don’t take it personally!! <3

i think he would really want a kind s/o. especially with what he’s been through, someone who’s gentle/patient would mean the world to him

also someone who likes animals!! they mean so much to him and were basically his entire life until he met the others, so having someone who shared that interest would make him so happy

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

it’s not uncommon for him to sleep with his animals!! he mostly just sleeps with the devas though; he would probably place them near his head or on his chest so he wouldn’t accidentally roll on them.

he also really likes cuddling with his s/o when they sleep! he wouldn’t mind being the big or little spoon, either.

#god i love him #my work #gundham x reader #gundham tanaka x reader #gundham/reader #sfw alphabet #danganronpa #goodbye despair #danganronpa x reader #goodbye despair x reader #gundham tanaka

[arhvste]

can you maybe do some hcs w kuroo tsukishima and oikawa when their s/o is being bullied by people from school?

love me some savage haikyuu boys 😈

-

KUROO, TSUKISHIMA AND OIKAWA REACTING TO THEIR S/O BEING BULLIED

-

KUROO

kuroo is a perspective little shit 

he analysis’ anything and everything 

he isn’t called the scheming captain for nothing 

so when he notice’s his s/o feeling down or acting different from normal he will find out what’s bothering them

he’ll ask you first

and if you’re not willing to give clear answers he’ll just find out himself

he doesn't want to overstep privacy boundaries

but if you’re being upset by something he feels like it’s his duty as your boyfriend to sort it out

so one day you’re waiting for him after practice

and you both usually meet outside the gym doors to talk home together

however

this time you’ve unfortunately encountered the people who have been making school life unbearable for you

“look its stupid little y/n!”

“why are you still here? waiting for your boyfriend like some sort of lost dog?”

“i don’t know how he puts up with you”

“so clingy and desperate for support i feel so bad for him”

they have you cornered and you’re outnumbered by far 

kuroo has been waiting outside the gym doors for 5 minutes now and is confused 

you’re never ever late 

so he wanders around looking for you since you aren't answering your phone 

now kuroo is annoying but he isn’t stupid

he’s had a hunch about what’s been bothering you lately

he’s noticed a few kids often hang behind class until you leave and they seem to surround you when you’re trying to leave your classroom

he never intervened because he didn’t want to wrongly accuse them of harassing you in case you were friends with them

but you still didn’t look particularly thrilled when you got away from them

so kuroo hears some familiar voices and he heads straight over to them

“don’t cry y/n you don't want to look even more ugly than you already do”

“oh look y/n’s crying they can't even handle a few jokes”

“your boyfriend might even dump you when he sees you”

“the only ones who need dumping are all of you into a pit of fire 🥰”

there stands the 6′2, muscular built, powerhouse school national level volleyball captain with the coldest look he’s ever had

the kids surrounding you are dead silent

“what? nobodies got anything to say now? i thought we were all just laughing and joking with each other so why’d we stop now?”

kuroos eyes soften as soon as they meet yours 

he’s grabbed your hand and pulled you tightly into his chest

“i don't think much of a warning needs to be made but let me make this clear just this once because i don't like having to remind people things, come near her, approach, talk about or to her again and you’re going to have a personal problem with me and my team. got it?”

lmfao the little bitches nod trembling and run 🏃🏽‍♀️

kuroo is such a science nerd who makes awful jokes and has the worlds most obnoxious laugh 

but he’s also a man and a captain and sometimes it’s easy to forget that

he can pick and choose when and what he wants to be perceived as

and right then he has chosen to show you who he really can be 

“why didn’t you tell me angel?”

“i didn’t want to have to bother you”

“oh baby you’re never ever a bother to me. im sorry i couldn't help sooner please never hesitate to tell me if anything like this happens again”

kuroo’s warning sticks with your bullies and they don't bother you anymore

the volleyball team and coach nekomata are throwing dirty ass looks at them too nfjdsbfjs

all in all, kuroo just wants you to know he is there to support you

and he’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy and comfortable 

-

TSUKISHIMA

lmao all i’ve got to say to your bullies is good luck

because if tuski finds out you’ve been bullying his s/o

you’re done for 

this boy has no mercy

he doesn't even need to physically fight

his words can cut deeper than any knife and he knows it 

so when he notices you've been feeling more anxious around school and clinging to him a little more

he grows sus

he’s immediately closing in on who is bothering you and what insults he wants to throw at them

tuski has an exam and it runs a little into lunch 

he told you that if it runs over than you can just wait by your classroom and he’d come and get you 

however while you’re waiting you have a run in with the students who have been giving you a hard time 

just like tuski you’re a student who thrives in academics 

so a few of your classmates aren't particularly fond of your constant reign of lead in your class

“ew y/n you gross weirdo why are you here?”

“they’re probably waiting for their boyfriend to come and pick them up”

“such an entitled little shit, waiting to be collected who do you think you are”

so far you’d done pretty well ignoring them 

but that was in an environment with many other students who’d call your bullies out if they were to step out of line in class

right now you’re an easy target though

nobody to protect you

well that’s what you thought anyway

you feel your bag get snatched from your hands and thrown to the ground 

the bullies are kicking your stuff around laughing while you have no choice but to watch is despair 

that's until one of them is tripped up and lands face flat onto the ground

“you think i should kick them around and see if they can take it?”

tuski is standing there with a dark smile on his face

“so brave of you to pick on my y/n when you all have the audacity to look the way you do and don't even get me started on your academics”

“if i were you'd just apologise to your parents now because realistically what are you all going to do in your lives? success doesn't really look like it fits any of you to be honest”

the other students don't even know what to say

they can't exactly say anything

tsukishima is known to have a sharp tongue with an endless flow of direct insults 

“it’d be a shame if a teacher were to find out about this wouldn't it. im thinking suspension maybe? perhaps you should all call your parents up right now and apologise for your inevitable suspension”

the bullies look at each other nervously

he couldn’t be serious right

“im waiting”

these kids whip out their phones and are calling their confused parents trying to explain about how they could be suspended

“now off you all go, get out of my sight and don't you dare come near her again”

they be sprinting out the hallways 

“you weren’t actually gonna get them suspended were you?”

“it was depending on how fast they called their parents really”

tsukishima is on the floor helping you gather you trashed things

“im annoyed you didn't tell me. don't keep things like this from me yeah? cause not only am i here for you but, i get a kick out of it to. besides, im the only one who gets to be playfully mean to you.”

and he’ll make sure to keep a closer eye on you and keep you around him for a little longer just till he’s certain you’ve been left alone

OIKAWA

fangirls 

the absolute bane of his existence 

oikawa appreciated the support but it was overbearing sometimes 

especially when he just wants to spend time with his precious y/n-chan

in front of him, his fangirls would be so polite and supportive 

“you and y/n look so good together”

“i hope you’re treating them well”

“oikawa is is lucky”

but behind his back these girls were nothing but vicious and spiteful towards you 

you knew you’d have to deal with his fangirls at some point 

you’d decided to keep your relationship hidden for the first few months until oikawa suggested going public and you felt like you couldn’t say no

you’d hear comments as you walked through the halls

classes would’ve been a nightmare if iwaizumi wasn’t in your class

he knew you were struggling with oikawa’s fangirls but you pleaded him not to say anything to his best friend 

iwaizumi didn't exactly want to keep this from oikawa but he also didn't want to go against your wishes 

you compromised instead and told iwaizumi about everything the fangirls put you through and sometimes he’d even take it lightly into his own hand 

despite the fact you had oikawa’s best friend looking out for you, this was also a reason the bullying got worse

“you think you can get iwaizumi to back you up now? you want the whole team or what?”

yes

“stop being so overdramatic oikawa shouldn’t have to put up with someone as fragile as you”

“he can do so much better did you manifest or do witchcraft to get him to date you?”

the comments had become so common to you they started to have no effect

you slowly became more and more emotionally unavailable and this was something oikawa had started to pick up on

“y/n-chan you’ve stopped smiling at me so much. have i upset you?”

at first he’d think he did something wrong and he’d desperatly rack his brain for anything he could’ve done to offend you

“no you haven’t tooru i’ve just been tired lately”

you’d lie and give him a small fake smile 

but oikawa has given enough fake smiles in his life and is more than capable of being able to tell a real smile to a fake one

like kuroo though, he wouldn’t want to push any privacy boundaries and can only hope you’d open up to him soon

it doesn’t mean he’s not going to be watching you even closer now

he’ll ask iwaizumi whether he’s seen a change in your behaviour 

iwaizumi has finally decided this has gone too far

“idiot do you not see it’s your shitty fangirls that are making them miserable?”

“my fangirls?”

“yes your fangirls. y/n can’t catch a break with them around they’re really nasty to her and i don’t know how it’s taken you so long to see”

now that oikawa thinks about it you do cling to him a little tighter when they’re around

you don’t thank them for their ‘compliments’ about your relationship with the setter

you go extremely quiet and anxious when they’re around

oikawa had just thought it was nerves from sudden attention

he didn’t realise they had been secretly harassing you 

so oikawa goes to wait outside your locker when the day ends

“tooru shouldn't you be at practice?”

“come with me” he says sternly but he’s giving you a reassuring look as he grips your hand securely in his larger one

he walks you quickly through the halls and round to the entrance of the gym where his fangirls are usually waiting for practice to start

“oikawa-san! why aren’t you in uniform? is practice cancelled?”

“oh y/n is here... that's cute”

oikawa is beyond livid just from their presence alone

they even had the nerve to say your name?

“you know what isn’t fucking cute though? your disgusting behaviour”

the fangirls are look between each other innocently

“what do you mean oikawa-san?”

“don’t play oblivious with me you bitches! what was going through your heads when you all thought it was okay to harass MY y/n-chan?!”

the girls are silent now

oikawa is usually so charming and relaxed 

nobody sees him worked up outside the court

“there’s a reason none of you have even been allowed to be considered to have the chance to get to know me, you’re all fake. every single one of you. i hate fake people more than anything. this behaviour is gross i want none of you associated with me get out of here and if i hear one more thing about anyone upsetting y/n hell will be broken loose and that won’t just be from me.”

oikawa did not stutter 😌

king

the girls leave immediately 

“i think you’ve just lost yourself your whole fan club”

“oh y/n they were never fans if they have the nerve to upset someone they know i love. why didn’t you tell me i would’ve said something sooner”

“i just didn't want to upset you about your fans”

“you’re always going to be the first priority to me always if they or anyone else ever bothers you again, promise you’ll tell me straight away?”

“promise.”

after that he’ll take you to sit on the bench on the side of the court so you can watch him play and he can keep an eye on you

yeah oikawa may seem like a carefree people pleaser

but if you’re upsetting his s/o, you’ll be experiencing the side he tries to keep under control and he won’t be afraid to let loose.

-

ALL CONTENT BELONGS TO @KUROOSKULT ON TUMBLR 2020 PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, CHANGE OR PLAGIARISE

#kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #kuroo hcs #kuroo scenario #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x you #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima scenarios #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #oikawa x you #oikawa hcs #oikawa scenarios #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!!

[faithinthefuture28]

Larry songs timeline & what it tells us about the evolution of their relationship

**These are all just my interpretations but the more I listen to the music they wrote, the more it all fits together. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WRITING “AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY” AND “FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE”

I deffo missed some songs but these stood out to me:

2013

L-Strong: Love isn’t easy (waves trying to break it) but what we have means something and it’s worth fighting for. read: love is only for the brave (Think of how much love that’s been wasted...there’s nothing i’m running from...i don’t care, I’m not scared of love) And we bring out the best in each other so lets not throw this away (i’d do anything to save it...when i’m not with you i’m weaker). 

H-Happily: I want to fight for us too bc we’re on fire and our love is powerful af. ik we have to do stunts and stuff (and if (s)he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care) but what we have is insane and fuck everyone else bc you’re MINE and i’m YOURS at the end of the day (i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep). Together, we’re magic so just be with me so happily

H-Something Great: ****this song is very straightforward so i won’t explain it much***** (i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i dont have to keep imagining... We’re better off together here tonight). Written as a longing for what could be if they dont have to suppress the relationship. (script was written...want to rip it all to shreds) Louis’ response (you’re all I want so much it’s hurting) basically says “it’s not too much to ask babe, i want it too.” This has the kind of longing that ‘wouldn’t it be nice- beach boys’ which Harry has admitted is kind of a theme song. 

L-Through the Dark: I know all this bs we’re going through is taking a toll on you and hurts you and i hate seeing you upset (you tell me that your sad...you tell me that you’re hurt and youre in pain and i can see your head is held in shame...i just wanna see you smile again) but I will do everything physically possible to protect you from any pain bb (i’d never let you fall and break your heart, if u wanna cry or fall apart, i’ll be there to hold ya). We’re going through this together and I will take on any responsibility needed to keep you happy.  I’M WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO FIGHT FOR US HARRY LOVE (entire chorus basically).

L-Better than Words: holy fuck our love is amazing can’t even describe it can i just sing to you foreva love u babycakes

L-Why don’t we go there: what if...we just forgot about the world and escaped and enjoyed each others love and rode the high??? Also sex

2014

L-Ready to Run: *******Followup to Why Don’t We Go There*********** But this time let’s escape for real bc (there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time). Like i’m ready to get out of here and it could just be us living happily ever after (this time i’m ready to run). Honestly nothing else makes sense (without you i’ll never make it out alive...wherever you are is the place i belong). I know what i want out of life and IT’S YOU HARREH (i want to be free and i wanna be yours, i will never look back). 

L-Steal My Girl: all u thirsty hoes find someone else bc Harry is MY pretty princess. Srsly ask his family. But you can still admire how he looks in those jeans. We all do. You know the ones

L-No Control: boy u fine, let’s do what lovers do IN THE MORNING. bc we can. also you own me and i am urs

L-Clouds: WE KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE HARD SO WHY ARE YOU BEING A LITTLE BITCH (you dont like it complicated...but love is never ever simple...you are tired of all the changes, but love is always always changing). We could be great yo, just keep fighting (if we’re never coming back down, we’ll looking down on the clouds...we go and we go and we dont stop)

H-Where do Broken Hearts Go: IM SORRY LOU BABY YOURE EVERYTHING (rest of my crimes dont come close the look on your face when i let you go... the taste of your lips...is at the top of the list of things i want). H&L’s call and  response at the end is basically forgiveness and acknowledgment (come on baby come and get me out, come on baby cuz i need you now)

H-Two Ghosts: *****was written around this time according to Harry******. This is fucking hard yo. We’re drained and exhausted and idk how much more we can fight for this... (it’s not you and it’s not me...sounds like something that i used to feel). That infatuation and electricity and hope that fueled our younger selves isn’t really there anymore and i’m just tired man (we’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat, we’re not who we used to be...this was all we used to need). We’re empty vessels going through the motions (same eyes blue, couple more tattoos). AND WE AREN’T FUCKING COMMUNICATING (we dont say what we really mean). 

2015

H&L-Perfect: so what if... we get rid of the pressure of forever? What if we just have fun doing the stupid shit we love and makes us feel alive (trouble up in hotel rooms, secret little rendezvous, things you know that we shouldn’t do). Like we won’t be out of each others’ lives, I’m still around and we can find comfort in each other and even mess around here and there (I can be the one you love from time to time). Remember how we used to be young and EXCITED (when i first saw you from across the room, i could tell that you were curious) let’s get that energy back without the responsiblity of an adult relationship. And we can keep making art lmao (if youre looking for someone to write your breakup songs about). 

L-Long Way Down *****this song fkn hurts man. It’s overlooked a lot but shows so much insight**** We were...everything. And maybe that’s the problem? We’ve been through so fucking much, more than anyone our age should have to endure. (We've been in fire, Went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean And drowned in the waves. Built a cathedral But we never prayed) We didn’t know what we had. We were damn kids man. We weren’t prepared for all this. We didn’t know how powerful this would be. We didn’t know what it required of us. (We had a mountain But took it for granted. We had it all yeah. Who could’ve planned it). We didn’t know what to do with it, how to deal with it, so here we are. (We had a spaceship But we couldn't land it) We’re each other’s everything, but we can’t keep going on like this babe. (We found an island But we got stranded). I don’t want to leave you but being together is breaking us down. (Point of no return and now It's just too late to turn around) We thought we were untouchable. That love conquers all. Maybe, we were wrong. This is gonna hurt like a bitch (We built it up so high and now I'm fallin', it’s a long way down)

H-Olivia: I LIVE FOR YOU, I LONG FOR YOU, I LOVE YA. And i think i’ll always love ya. And I’m scared...of life without you (i get the feeling you’re walking out, time is irrelevant when i’ve not been seeing you, the consequences are falling now, there’s something i’m having nightmares about...dont let me go). But maybe just maybe thats okay, because you’re AIMH (you live in my imagination...i love you, it’s all i do). 

L-Love you Goodbye: I fucking love you and I’ll always fucking love you but i think this is the right thing to do even though it feels so wrong (i know there’s nothing i can do to change it, but is there something that can be negotiated?) We made some goddamn fireworks together though (unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands) and do ya maybe think...we can make them just once more? (if tomorrow you wont be mine, let me give it to you one last time, baby let me love you goodbye...one more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had because if this is it, then at least we could end it riiiiight). ********in the interview with our FAVE Gwen Garcia, she asked if it’s better to say goodbye and end a relationship that’s not feeling right or keep trying even if your heart’s not in it. Harry responds with “I think it’s better to say goodbye...but sometimes if youre trying to protect..” Then Louis cuts him off and says “you’re going deep aren’t you”, brushing the question off as a joke but imho i think there was pain in that answer. Then Harry continues “if you’re not 100% in it, I think it’s better for both parties if you say goodbye”. And Louis adds a “yeah” at the end.********

H-Walking in the Wind: I know this is scary but i think we can do it, (you said to me do you believe i’ll be too far? if youre lost just look for me you’ll find me) I think because youre AIMH and i’m always in yours, it’ll be good for us. And look at us being mature, we’re killing it babe. We can live our separate lives and grow on our own. We dont need to make it messy and hurtful. We’re on the same page. (the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won. A necessity for apologies between you and me, baby there is none). At this point, we’re kinda part of each other right? So it’s healthy for us to be apart for a bit. (it’s not the end, i’ll see your face again... i know we’ll be alright...just close your eyes and see i’ll be by your side any time you need me). And you’ve helped me grow into the person I am, and I you, so that’s cool as hell, right? (you will find me in places that we’ve never been). We had a TON of fun (we had some good times didnt we) so i feel okay that we’re doing this (goodbyes are bittersweet) and starting the next adventure in our lives. 

H-If I could fly: I. am. yours. Louis. William. Tomlinson. (for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart). Maybe this growth thing isn’t worth it, let me prove to you how much you mean to me (i think i might give up everything just ask me to). This is gonna be hard as shit because i’m so dependent on you (i’m missing half of me when we’re apart). I’m being honest and I’m being scared and I’m being vulnerable because I can’t lie to you and pretend I’m strong (i let my guard down, right now i’m completely defenseless). But we’re part of each other, right? (i could feel your heart inside of mine). I’ll always be here for you Lou (for when you’re lonely and forget who you are) even if for now we can’t physically be together. 

L-Home: I’ve tried, Harry. I’ve tried to play pretend (told myself i kind of like her but there was something missin in her eyes). But i was lost (i was stumblin, lookin in the dark with an empty heart) because none of it was enough, none of it was YOU (it was there i sawr it in your eyes). And then i met you and you felt the same and we’re both lost souls playing pretend who found magic in each other (but you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough?) Is our love enough to overcome everything? Maybe we can be enough. Maybe I can make this enough, let me try to make it enough for you. And if we go our separate ways, know that I’m here for you no matter what. I won’t let you be lost again. (When you’re lost I’ll find a way and I’ll be your light, you will never feel like you’re alone, I’ll make this feel like home). So go. wander. find yourself. Then when you’re ready, come home. 

 2016-2017

H- Sweet Creature: ***Harry admit that this was the first song he wrote for the album**** We aren’t in the best place rn. We’ve been fighting (had another talk about where it’s going wrong...it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn). But it’s you Louis. It can’t be anyone else. (don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong... wherever I go, you bring me home). That’s not even a question. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but the one thing I know is that a large part of who I am is you (we started 2 hearts in one home). And aint no way I’m losing that part of myself (when i run out of road, you bring me home). It was always you. 

H-MMITH: Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready (just let me know i’ll be at the door,  hoping you’ll come around). I know I need to work on myself a little more (i gotta get better, and maybe we’ll work it out) but honestly i’m getting impatient and i want things to go back to how they were and i want to be yours again (once you go without it, nothing else would do). But I can’t communicate this to you clearly so let me just put this in a song and hope you get it (we dont talk about it, it’s something we dont do) ****Harry mentioned in an interview that he expresses himself through songwriting when he can’t say the words directly to a person because it’s easier to just write it in a song than have difficult conversations*****

H-ESNY: ****honestly no idea what this song is about but it’s something to do with them fighting and not communicating and being in a weird place before their relationship is rekindled******* edit: this could be about his stepdad

H-FTDT: I MISS YOU AND I’M TOO FULL OF PRIDE TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY JUST COME BACK INTO LIFE LOU I’M LONELY AND SAD AND EMPTY AND IM NOT FUCKING FINDING MYSELF LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD (woke up alone, played with myself where were you...we havent spoke since you went away, why wont you ever say what you wanna say) So until then I sit and wait for your sorry ass to make the first move (maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too...but you never do). Also like i have to hear from other people how you are?? (i saw your friend that you know from work, he said that you feel just fine) ANd you’re sharing OUR clothes with people?? wtf just swallow your pride and call me 

L-Miss You: OKAY BUT I CANT JUST CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE PRIDE TOO also my mates are trying to make me get over you (now i’m asking my friends how to say I’m sorry, they say lad give it ttime there’s no need to worry, and we can’t even be on the phone now). So i’m just numbing your absence with partying and drinks but CLEARLY ITS NOT WORKING (should be laughing but there’s something wrong...shit maybe i miss you...when i feel it coming up i just throw it all away, get another few shots cuz it doesn’t matter anyway...such a good time, i’ll believe it this time). This is weird bc like you were my everything but im trying to get used to this and it fucking sux (oh how shit changes, we were in love, now we’re strangers). And tbh, its scary af bc what if this is it (i’m asking myself, is it over?). BUT ALSO LIKE WTF U COULD REACH OUT FIRST YA KNOW (i’ve been checking my phone all evening).

H-Anna: wtf Louis how do you not see how much this is killing me. I miss you so much and seeing you on tv or in pics drives me wild bc you’re not mine. (I don’t want your sympathy but you don’t know what you do to me...everytime I see your face there’s only so much I can take...I guess it would be nice if I can touch your body). And idk if you’re replacing me (don’t know where you’re laying, just know it’s not with me) and we’re in SUCH a weird place rn how do I tell u you’re the loml (don’t know what I’d say if I passed you on the street...don’t know what I’d tell you if you asked me for the truth) so I refuse to put this song on the album and let you know this and give you satisfaction from knowing how gone I still am for you bc I have 0 idea how you feel (hope you never see this and know that it’s for you)

L-Always You: SO THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIGHT... ok but fr i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u and nothing else compares like i can travel the whole world and all i think about is how much more fun it was with you and the memories we shared and i wish i could just say thx fr th mmrs and move on but actually no thx actually fuck you for making me not able to enjoy my life without you. So like...come home? and wrap your legs around me? also lmao i took El to a gay bar in amsterdam for her bday lmao i miss u come cuddle me and i’ll tell you all about it

L-We Made It: looks like we made it, look how far we’ve come my baby. They saidd I bett they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding onn, we’re still togetherr, still going stronggg. Also to the fans, miss our single bed and the nights we talked about our dreams :-* also Andrew my man luv u

2018-2019

L-KMM: our love was youthful and exhilarating and fucking electric and i think it still can be. dont know what i’d do without you now H 

L-DLIBYH: We’re strong babe and we’ve grown and we aren’t gonna let life drag us down. I’m doing better, you’re doing better, this is what we wanted. And now any shit we go through, we’ll go through TOGETHER 

L-Too Young: Okay but looking back, that was a lot of shit we went through and we were just babies and i’m sorry for not fighting harder (i cant believe i gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off cuz i didnt know no better) baby i tried, i tried to protect you but like it was just so much and i hate that you got hurt and i wont ever let that happen again. ALso go us for being mature and COMMUNICATING (face to face at the kitchen table, we can finally have a conversation that I wish we could’ve had before). ANd i know you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry so here let ME say i’m sorry that i hurt you darling. Like we were too young to know we had everything BUT now we’re old(er) and can realize that when we’re together, we DO have everything now and omg is this our happily ever after and we can have a daughter and name her Darcy 

L-Habit: do i need to spell it out for you iiiiii aaaaaaaaammmmmmm sssssssoooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. But tbh i let you go because it felt right because mentally you were already out the door and i needed to give you room to grow babe. And i needed the space too (you gave me the time and the space i was out of control and i’m sorry i let you down). but like also i’ve learned i can’t escape you Styles. You’re always in my fucking heart and my fucking mind and in every essence of my being and somehow I knew that 9 years ago and it took me this long to realize how powerful this really is (guess that that i know what i already knew, i was better with you and i miss you now). Ooooh also my favorite line i wrote (took some time cuz i ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be and honestly i dont have to choose anymore) like who am i kidding, im done pretending i just wanna be yoursss now

L-Defenseless: I can’t help it okay theres something about you that doesn’t let me stay away. I need you and I know that rekindling this relationship isn’t going to be easy even though it feels so so right. It’s going to be hard work (sleeping on our problems but we’ll solved them in our dreams, wake up early morning and it’s still under the sheets) and we need to communicate and solve our problems but here I am, raw and unfiltered and emotionally naked in front of you ready to lay it all on the table (not sure how to say this right, got so much to lose. NEver been so defenseless). So like this branch I’m reach out to you and you be honest with me too babe (you dont have to keep on being strong for me and you. Acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do...I can’t get inside, when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove). Be open with me. Lets talk. Let’s solve problems. Lets have an adult relationship. I’m asking for a little vulnerabiltiy babe. It’s just me. Theres nothing to be scared of

L-Walls: And here you have me in my purest form. No lies, no secrets, no insecurities to hide behind. Losing you was fucking painful but i got through it. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve fought. And without you, I grew into the person I am. And any further growing i’m doing is gonna be with you. bc it was all for you babe. and honestly i can take anything life throws at me now. I’m strong baby. I’m fucking strong and fucking brave and fucking resilient and...fucking yours. ***** wtf is the I just hope i see you one day and you’ll say to me oh oh********

H-Golden: You are the literal sun and I’m not ready. YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON (you were way too bright for me, i’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky). I’m scared to go through this alone, I need your comfort and your guidance (i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known). But you’re scared to go through this with me bc you dont wanna get hurt and i’m too open so where tf does that leave us. ******this could be about coming out especially with the London AND NY secret shows where Harry added the lyric I’m hoping someday you’ll open*******

H-Adore You: You dont have to say you love me, you dont have to say nothing, you dont have to say you’re mine. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore Lou. Like its the only thing I’ll ever do. read: Louis is a great person to just admire what he’s like. ALso I dont need anything back. I just dont want to hide my love for you anymore. I don’t need answers or promises. Just let me adore you. ********the music video is also basically a Louis appreciation post. He was the boy with the smile that the world took away from him. He found Harry lost and loved him and nurtured him and made him confident and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. But in doing so, Harry became big and unsatisfied and wanted to explore the world and was clearly interested in Hollywood and Rockstardom especially evident in his behavior 2014-2015. And Louis wasn’t about that life and didn’t want to hold him back. So he let him free. But they realized that they don’t work apart. Wherever they’re going, they’re going together, as the boy sails into the unknown following the fish. I see it as Harry’s version of “this one is a thank you for what you did for me” ************* I see it, I appreciate it, and I love you for it

H-Lights Up: ****fight with Louis. (What do you mean I’m sorry by the way) About coming out? About fame? (Step into the light, so bright sometimes) Either way, L is the guy driving the motorcycle in the video who makes H feel comfortable and safe until they get pulled over because SOMEONE wont let them love*******

H-Falling: What if i’m out, what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? Okay maybe I lied I do want you to claim me. Would me coming out of the closet make that hard for you? I CAN’T GO THROUGH AN IDENTITY CRISIS WITHOUT YOU LOU. I picked someone supportive and now I’m spoiled and I dont know how to be with myself. You want back in my life but what if I dont deserve it? (you said you cared and you missed me too...what i’m someone i dont want around). What if you’re better off without me? (i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again). I know youve been through so much shit because of me, things you’ve never even told me about and im afraid...that I wasn’t worth it. Am I being selfish? because either way, i want YOU (what if you’re someone i just want around). Does that make me a bad person? 

H-TBSL: ****Probably when they starting talking again but it was v casual and they didn’t really discuss their relationship yet*****. I MISS U BUT I WONT TELL U THAT and its nice to talk to u again i missed your voice but if u call me baby i will kill u bc that word has weight OKAY. Like i know you just call everyone babe and darling and sweetheart but baby is FOR ME and only for me when you wake up with me and cuddle me and if you think you have any right calling me baby without giving the luxury of being in a relationship with you then piss off because that shit hurts dude. (i know that you’re trying to be friends, know that you mean it...it’s hard for me to go home to be so lonely). ALso it’s not my fault i’m like this, you literally captured my heart when i was 16 like wtf do u expect (dont blame me for falling, i was just a little boy)

H-Sunflower Vol. 6: we were babies and i was so enamored by you and you’re so bright and beautiful and i want to watch you all day and make you smile and i want you to touch my hair and call me curly and i hope im not making you uncomfortable with my heart eyes but like how are you so perfect. I hope you think i’m cool, i’m really trying but like you’re SO FUNNY and charming and everyone loves you i hope im not embarassing myself. And now it’s like 8 years later and i think i can have you again and i want you so bad but i dont wanna seem too eager and im trying to have dignity and not text you first but like also i want nothing more than to talk to you. Do you think i’m cool now? did you like my new hairstyle? Do you think i’m funny on tour? I want everything i want to be domestic again and kiss in the kitchen and i want to cook for you and as;ldfa;sdhaf i want to buy you flowers everyday and shower ur cute face with kiss. boopx28 

H-Canyon Moon: Hell yea i got ma man back and i have a girlfriend named Jennifer ;) and we are domestic and even though I HATE being away from him for work (so hard to leave it) we have the 2 week rule yall then i can wrap my legs around him and after so so so long I’ll be h.o.m.e. Also did i tell you his eyes are so so blue like sky who i dont know her

H-TPWK: So we’re really doing this. We don’t need to have it all figured out. We can just be us. and happy. and dance. The world loves us babe. (Giving second chances, I don’t need all the answers and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong)

H-Fine Line: You’ve got my devotion but man I can hate you sometimes....We’ll be a fine line. Between what? love and hate? public and private? out and in the closet? each others’ and ourselves? Idk. But i’m going to swallow my pride (my hands at risk I fold) because no matter what, the worst possible outcome is not having you. And I never wanna go through that again. I know we have work to do on our relationship (spreading you open is the only way I know you). And there’s lot of unknown here (there’s things that we’ll never know) but what i do know is that i cant resist you (you sunshine you temptress) and i cant be without you ever again. I think it’ll be hard as hell. But when have we known love as anything but hard? And when have we known our love as anything but worth it? We’ll be a fine line baby. But i know, i knowww with every part of me that we’ll be alright. Because these past 10 years, we’ve been through A LOT. ANd it could have ruined us and made us cynical and cold and closed off. And I think at one point it did. But you know what we did? We fought it. We fought it together. Then we fought it individually. And we became BRAVE. And a brilliant man once said, “love is only for the brave”. 

#hl #stayed up till 5 am writing this so if the quality worsens through the post thats why #ik the og larries think they never broke up and i have mad respect for them #again this is just what i got from listening to the songs back to back #we all have our own opinions #none of us know ANYTHING #dm if you wanna discuss tho! #larry #larry stylinson #larry timeline #larry is real #larry masterpost #larry breakup #larry break up #larry theory #fine line analysis #walls analysis #larry analysis #louis tomlinson #Harry Styles

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

plane pillow

where peter planned to play video games with ned through the whole flight but fate decided to take another turn....

*A/N: this isnt related to far from home nor the ending of endgame, just pretend infinity and all the movies after didnt exist since i imagine pete 16 in here. i dont know why 16 i just like that age on him lmao, enjoy reading!*

pairing: peter x reader

status: strangerz (well sort of since they haven't talked to eachother but they're in the same school)

NOT PROOF READ BTW SO SORRY IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES

peter's POV

"the flight will be amazing! i heard they'd installed the new game we were talking about" i gushed to ned, excited for the whole flight to be filled with video games.

"im excited" ned stated practically jumping from excitement and i shook my head laughing

"OK CLASS!" Mr Harrington clapped his hands getting our attention "we're boarding the plane in a few minutes so pack your stuff and lets goooo" he pointed at our gate dramatically.

we walked to the gate, scanned our ticket and sat on our assigned seats, ned and i sat on the three seater, he took the window seat by winning a 3 round match of rock, paper, scissors *sighs angrily* and i obvious got the middle, kinda scared of who'll sit beside me though.

we had to wait for a few minutes, since we boarded the flight early. ned and i obviously started playing video games, too entranced by the small glowing screen infront of me i haven't realized a girl.

she hadn't really acknowledged me either because she looked tired, i cursed at the screen for losing the game too quickly and my dumb ass still didnt realize a GIRL, MY AGE, looking PRETTY FUCKING ADORABLE was sitting next to me. oh dear god.

after a couple more games and me being the most idiotic teenager known today for not looking at my right to see her  the flight attendant alerted us that the plane will take off so we the screen will freeze any moment. ned and i decided to sleep, it was very early in the morning and we need to rest if we plan on gaming most of the flight.

i closed my eyes and shifted a bit in my seat, and slept. the plain was moving at the time trying to find the best place to take off. i guess i was really tired that i havent felt someone sleeping on my shoulder.

i was peacefully sleeping still agitated from the uncomfortable seat but i heard a loud noise that frightened the life out of me and due to my spidey senses i sensed a hand on my right, so what did i do? i fucking held the hand. hard, may i add, from the fright.

i opened my eyes quickly and jumped a bit, turning around to see who's the stranger that i held hands with, startled as well. i sighed in relief knowing our plane was safe and it was just about to take off. but then i took a good look on the perso- her, took a good look on her, on her? OH MY GOD ITS A GIRL calm down peter and please dont scare her off. i couldnt stop looking at her and to my luck she was looking at me as well, but none of us spoke

i couldnt help but notice the small part of her y/h/c hair that was shown from her hood looked so shiny and smooth, her eyes were the most perfect shade of y/e/c. the extremely large hoodie looked so comfortable on her which made me think of her wearing one of mine, how big and long it'll look on her body sent butterflies to my stomach. she looked small, and precious so fragile yet she held her body confidently.

the voice of the flight attendant echoed through the speakers which made us both stop our trance of one another. even though the lady's voice wasnt scary it still frightened us. i mean no hate towards miss attendant she called me a cutie and gave me extra blankets

but coz we got startled again we held hands....again looking for the sources of the noise. we visibly relaxed once we realized what it was, looked at eachother and laughed, her laugh was angelic and soft, hands down the best sound ive ever head. she looked rather embarrassed from the encounter but i bet you a thousand dollars i look worse, i could practically feel the blood rush through my cheeks once she realized how long ive stared at her

"i- uhm i-im so sorry for sleeping on your shoulder, and- and holding your hand and stuff" she apologized, it only made me even more baffled by her. how could a voice match with a face so perfectly.

"no no its fine uhh i dont mind *nervous laugh* and for the hand thing i was the one who grabbed yours so i-i should be the one apologizing...im sorry" i rubbed the back of my neck. this is why i dont talk to girls, ever. well mj is an exception since shes like the closest thing i have to a friend other than my best friend obviously.

"i-im y/n, by the way" she lifted her hand properly introducing herself

"peter, peter parker" i shook her hand, it was nice feeling the warmth of her hand again. we probably held hands (for the third time today by the way) longer the we should have but who am i to say i was bothered. i definitely wasnt.

"nice to meet you peter" she smiled shaking our hands one last time then sitting it on her lap. scratch what i said about her gorgeous laugh, hearing her say my name was the best thing ive heard in my 16 year of existence. (her laugh is obviously the second best)

before i could ask anything else, the plane decided to finally take off. i adjusted myself to the seat, not turning to my right side anymore and closed my eyes trying to think of smiling puppies. ive been on a plane before, in fact a private one last year but that was it. this is my second time flying away from new york and i was a bit nervous.

y/n somehow noticed my sudden tense form, who am i kidding i looked like i was about to die coz of my nerves. and held my hand. and i immediately opened my eyes again, the feeling of her skin coming in contact with mine brought chills down my spine, good ones obviously

"you looked rather tense, is this ok?" she leaned into my ear so i could hear her. i looked at her confused on why she would want to help me but nodded as a reply. a smile crept on my face and i couldnt seem to take it off.  the take off went smoothly thank god. and ive occasionally squeezed her hand, usually when the plane made very loud sounds. but i made it! woohoo

i didnt know if i should stop holding her hand or not, even though i didnt want to. will she think im a creep? and if i did, will she think im rude? but i guess it didnt seem to bother her if she went back to sleeping. so i figured i should do the same

i shifted in my seat a couple of times trying to get the perfect comfy spot....nothing. this seat will be the death of m-

"you can sleep on my shoulder if you want" she whispered. "i figured since you let me sleep on yours which im very sorry about, you could sleep on mine" she smiled

"thanks, but i dont wanna bother you or make you uncomfortable"

"oh nonsense! my body is screaming right now cheering for me, well partially scolding at me for saying something risky like that to a good looking guy, its ok" she laughed, her eyes widened in shock from what she confessed. i smiled at her and rested my head on her shoulder

"you think im good looking?" i whispered playing with our fingers, i dont know when i got the sudden confidence but hearing someone like her think a loser like me is cute did something to me.

"shut up" she playfully shoved me and i laughed.

"are you from midtown?" i asked her

"no im from queens" she joked

"oh you're definitely from midtown" i chuckled, next thing i know i was having a normal conversation with me laying my head on a girl i just met like we knew eachother for years, it was nice to talk to a girl i potentially thought was cute instead of talking gibberish

she was very understanding and looked like interested into what i was saying, i was gonna skip my geeky side when she asked about what i like but to my surprise, she mentioned it when i asked her the same, she said she loves comics and likes watching sci fi movies. i asked her if she watched star wars and she said she didnt...yet.

"wanna uhm watch it together?" i played with her fingers absentmindedly nervous if she'd reject me.

"yeah sure" her eyes lit up like she was waiting for me to ask her that. we watched the movie in bliss, thankfully she liked it! and immediately said to put the second one. and surprise surprise, we finished it.

when the credits rolled in, i saw her yawning, shifting in her seat again, i decided to be bold so i lifted her head off my shoulder pulled the arm rest away from us, took a pillow and patted my lap. immediately after doing it i regretted it, she barely knows me, what the fuck peter.

"you sure?" she asked smiling a bit, she looked like she felt something giddy inside which made me feel at peace again and i nodded.

"good night" she whispered snuggling her head on my lap, i hesitantly put my arm over

"good night, y/n" and we fell asleep like how ned slept the whooole time i was talking to her, wow we have a lot to catch up on

bonus:

peters pov

i didnt know the whole plane (our class) practically gushed over my interaction with y/n, i know its been a while since i liked a girl but betty and the rest (including Mr Harrington) practically begged mj to take photos of us since she was the closest, not that she wouldnt have done it without them asking her....

*A/N: idk what this bonus was lmao but i had to add the school feeling happy for our boy pete*

have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

#spiderman #peter parker x fem #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker #peter parker fluff #ned leeds #may parker #aunt may #the avengers #mcu #michelle jones #marvel #sony pictures #imagines #peter parker x reader #fluff #peter #parker #avengers

[deaddovecoterie]

confessions

co-written with @whoseblogsthis

Peeta Mellark x Fem!Reader

Prompt: “Isn’t it obvious? I’m in love with you!” 

Fandom: the hunger games

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.6k

Warning(s): swearing, unedited, two oblivious dumbasses in love

Genre(s): angst, fluff

A/N: LMAO HI GUYSSSS. so i had the INSANE privilege of writing with my mutual, friend, and insanely talented writer, @whoseblogsthis, ky. i obviously couldn’t have done this without her and im so so blown away by her and her talents. this is basically our child and baby and so im basically screaming right now cause we just finished this and its 1:01am. ANYWAY i really really hope you guys love this as much as we loved writing it <3 mwuah love you all

main stuff -> y/n (your name)

-> e/c (your eye colour)

-> y/l/n (your last name)

Peeta Mellark. 

He was your constant; your rock. You could rely on him for anything and everything.

He was the steadiest thing you’d had in your life for a long time now, but as he took your wrist and led you upstairs away from the party, you couldn’t help but feel the anger bubble up in your chest. 

“Peeta, what—”

“Why?” he nearly shouts. Peeta is mild mannered. He’s many things, actually; polite, charming, and personable, but angry was not one of them. It didn’t scare you like you’d always expected it to, but rather frustrated you. 

“Why what, Peeta?” you hiss back. 

He looks at you as if you had just grown two heads, his brows knit together in disbelief.

“You’re joking,” he breathes. You shake your head, not understanding what he is trying to get at. You defensively cross your arms, knowing the juvenile element would annoy him, but having nothing to do with your hands increases your already anxious state.

“That guy,”

“That guy?”

“Yes, y/n, yes. That guy that was just a little too friendly with you? So close to you that he was practically crawling under your goddamn skin? What were you thinking?”

You laugh at him, unable to contain it. “I can handle myself perfectly fine. Why are you being such an ass?” you all but shout at him. “It’s none of your business anyway?” 

“Hm, let’s see y/n, he could’ve, god, I don’t know, taken advantage of you?” 

You scoff, unable to handle his cliché statement. 

He brings his hands up and pushes his hair back, looking up at the ceiling as he exhales heavily through his nose. You squint at him, unable to read the emotions on his face. 

“What is up with you?” you whisper, not quite sure if he was able to hear. Your eyes narrow, unsure of what his next words might be. 

“For someone so smart, you can be so goddamn oblivious sometimes, y/l/s.”

“Oh my god, what is with all the stupid riddles tonight? I can’t read your mind! You can’t expect me to just know things,” you exasperate, throwing your hands out in front of you. “For someone who’s supposed to be good at communication, you’re doing a pretty shitty job of displaying it,” you spit, throwing his words right back at him. 

“Fine,” he hisses, starting to move towards you.

You cock your eyebrow at him, your bodies coming closer, nearly closing the gap.

“Fine?” you question.

“Yeah.” he huffs out, repeating the word with an heir of finality, “yeah.” His breath warms your face, the scent of vodka invading your senses.

Your cheeks heat up, suddenly very aware of his proximity. You watch his adam's apple bob as he swallows thickly. He can’t meet your eyes, his heart hammering against his chest so loud that it feels as though you can hear it. His head drops along with his gaze, studying the floor before chancing a glance at you. Peeta lets go of a breathy laugh as words tumble out of his mouth.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he breathes, his words choked, hardly audible, him now looking you right in the eyes. Your stomach does a flip once, unsure of his next words. Blue eyes stare at your e/c ones that are clouded in confusion. You can feel his frustration start to build as he takes a step back from you, his voice rising and hands coming from his sides. 

“I’m in love with you,” he bursts out. 

Oh my god.

You stare at him in shock, his proclamation stunning you. You blink once, twice, as his words echoing through your head.

His hazel eyes bore into your e/c ones, willing you to say something, anything, to let him know you heard him. But yet you stand there, unable to find the words. 

Nothing is coming out.

Say something, you beg yourself, wanting to scream out an answer, yet your mouth continues to remain shut. You swallow hard, your tongue feeling like sandpaper. How could you be so oblivious to his feelings? You and him have known each other since childhood, yet there you are, standing only inches away from him, the truth finally known. It seemed 

The look in his eyes is absolutely heart-wrenching; if you hadn’t just heard him, you’d have thought he had lost his best friend. In a way, you guess, he had. 

Peeta just shakes his head softly, shrugging his shoulders in such a way that makes you want to reach out and take his hand. His dark waves fall over his eyes and he turns around, facing the door.

“I—” you begin, but you know it’s too late. 

“Just, um, forget it, y/n,” his voice soft, small, “I’ll see you in environmental studies.”

He opens the door and steps out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. You want to scream, to tell him to come back.  

“Dammit!” you exclaim, throwing your red solo cup as hard as you can at the wall. The contents spill all over, some of the liquid splashing on you but you can’t bring yourself to care. 

You reach to pull at your loosely braided hair, a habit of yours that came out whenever you were experiencing an excess of negative emotions, before you realize where you are. You harshly rub your eyes with the heels of your hands as you remind yourself to breathe. 

In, out . . . In, out. 

“Get it together,” you tell yourself, taking one last deep breath. “Okay.”

You turn to head back downstairs to the party, nothing on your mind except finding Peeta and setting everything straight, hoping at this point that that was even a possibility anymore. 

God, you hated this part. You hated having to make up. Saying sorry was never your strong suit, your pride always getting in the way. But this? This was not a matter of pride. This was about finally coming to terms with the truth that you so desperately tried to avoid for years. 

You almost trip as you descend the stairs, looking everywhere for Peeta but unable to find him anywhere in the crowd. 

Spotting a head of wavy bronze hair by the water cooler, you rush over to your english lit classmate, who is also a friend of Peeta’s; Finnick Odair. 

“Hey Finnick,” you say once you reach him, trying to keep your voice even. He greets you with his signature smirk before bringing his cup to his lips and taking a sip.

“Ah, y/n, having a good time I trust?”

“Trying to,” you grumble. Finnick gives you a quizzical look before you proceed; “Have you seen Peeta?” You can’t help but notice the slight crack in your voice when you say his name.

“Yeah,” he confirms, “I saw him leave a few minutes ago. Seemed pretty upset.” 

“Yeah, wonder why,” you mutter bitterly, knowing he wouldn’t hear your words above the music. 

You bite your lip, weighing the option of asking Finnick to help you find Peeta. Half of you wanted to go and find him yourself, your need to get the weight off your chest as quickly as possible, the other half of you wanting to stall for as long as you could.

 “Could you text him? Ask him where he is?” 

“Why can’t you?” 

You fight the urge to roll your eyes, your cheeks burning. “Because, I—” 

“Wait,” Finnick’s smile widens. “Wait, are you the reason he’s upset?” 

Your silence is enough for him. His dopey smile falters for a moment, an emotion that you could only define as realization sweeping over his face. He shakes his head softly, pulling his phone from the pocket of his hoodie and opening his texts. His thumbs glide swiftly across the screen as he compiles a message to send to Peeta. 

You can’t have been standing there for more than a minute when his phone dings. Finnick flashes you the screen. 

From: Pita Bread 

I’m fine... at the pond. 

“Thank you, Finnick, really,” you breathe.

He just nods, taking another sip of his drink. 

You rush out of the frat house the party was being held in, running across the street to Panem University’s main campus, willing your legs to go faster. 

The pond was at the northern end of campus, smack in the middle of Tribute Hall and the Coriolanus Snow Study Center. You see a silhouette sitting on one of the few stone benches surrounding the body of tranquil water, tossing handfuls of what you can only assume is trail mix at the ducks that liked to take up at the pond. 

You slow down, bringing your footfalls to a trot, then silently padding your way over the grass towards him. Your chest is heaving from the exertion as you try to make your breaths even.

“Peeta,” You call out, your voice void of any venom as you stalk towards the boy. You’re almost inclined to slap him because of how he acted. No rational person could expect someone to give them an answer to a question as heavily weighed as that right away. 

He stands up once you reach him, refusing to look you in the eyes. For a fleeting moment, you catch the grief-stricken look in his usually bright eyes and it’s enough to keep you from raising your hand at him. 

“Why did you leave like that?” you breathe out. He shrugs a shoulder with almost casual indifference. “Peeta.” you nearly plead, looking at him as your eyebrows knit together.

“What did you expect me to do?” he says feebly. 

You look up at the night sky, inhaling deeply as you hurriedly send off a prayer to whatever higher power that you can say everything you want to say to him, in the way you want to say it. 

In a way that says something to him. Means something. 

The stars seem to twinkle brighter, almost like they received your message. God, this is so hard.

Peeta is still looking anywhere but at you, his focus now on the ducks idling in the water. 

“You could have waited for me,” you say. “I mean, come on! That was… big. A big thing to drop on me,” you add, “so of course I was shocked. But if you had just waited for me . . .” 

“What?” he snorts, finally looking you in the eyes. “What would you have said that couldn’t have possibly made me feel like more of a fool than I already was? What—” 

“I love you,” you blurt. 

Here it goes.

“And not in a ‘you’ve always been there for me, so I’m kind of indebted to you’ kind of way but in a way that’s like, ‘I want to do cheesy stuff with you because I know it will make you smile.’ That’s like, I would do anything, anything to prove to you that I’m worthy of your love. Peeta, you’ve seen everything I was and everything I am, and it just— I just couldn’t believe when you said that . . . But I— I trust you with everything in me and it frightens me, because you know I’ve been hurt before, but I can’t deny that everything feels right when I’m with you. I just. I want another chance. If, if you’ll let me.” You breath the words out, hardly anything but air coming out.  

“Y/n, breathe.” 

“Right,” you exhale, your mind swirling around, making vertigo seem like a walk in the park. 

“You’re not . . . unworthy of love,” Peeta begins but he stops, trying to figure out his words. “What Cato did to you, it doesn’t mean you’re undeserving of love. He’s.. an asshole, who’s going to get what’s coming to him. I— I’m sorry for dropping it on you like that, but seeing you with that guy, he just reminded me so much of Cato, and it made me so mad because I didn’t want you to go through that again, and I.. couldn’t help but think it was my final chance to tell you how I felt.” 

“Final chance?” 

“Y/n, I’ve loved you since like year six.” 

“Peeta, you absolute dumbass!” you exclaim, quickly going to cover your mouth as your own words shock even yourself. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . . wow,” a laugh nearly escapes your lips. “We’re both oblivious fools, huh?” 

Peeta’s brows furrow in confusion, as you let out a soft chuckle. His head is tilted slightly to the side, his soft curls falling into his blue eyes. This moment is one you’ll always remember, you think to yourself, already trying to commit it to memory. The way the trees slightly sway from the late summer breeze, the moonlight reflecting off the water; best of all, the glint in Peeta’s eye when your gazes meet. It’s so cheesy, really, but you couldn’t care less. You’ve played it over and over in your head for years, different scenarios always being formulated, but nothing you could have ever dreamt of could compare to this moment. 

“I’ve loved you since year seven,” you tell him, every word of it true. “I can’t believe it took us both this long. Could have avoided the whole Cato fiasco of year twelve, I suppose, if we had just . . . had the gall to tell each other back then, I guess,” you say, the last sentence mumbled.

“Yeah.” Peeta laughs, a genuine deep laugh that reaches his eyes. It rouses the butterflies that have been in the pit of your stomach, the fluttering making you nervous as you watch him scratch the base of his neck almost embarrassedly. 

“So,” you say, dragging the ‘o’ sound. “Pretty sure this is the part where most people would kiss.” 

“Do you want to kiss me?” 

“No, not you, Peeta. I was talking to the duck behind you,” You frown, unable to contain the scoff that passes your lips. “Yes.. yes, I want to kiss you,” you breathe, your pulse hammering.

You step forward, your hands reaching up, gliding against his cheeks, his hands resting on your waist. In a moment of bravery, you place your lips against his. They’re soft, and he tastes like cedar and bread, and it’s like coming home, being in his arms as his lips move against yours, the breeze chilling your skin but his warming you. 

There are no words spoken between the two of you as you both pull away. His eyes are still closed, his long eyelashes resting against the tops of his cheeks; the corners of his mouth are pulled up slightly. 

God, he’s beautiful. So beautiful. That word is usually reserved for sceneries, sunsets or pretty dresses, but in this moment, you can’t tear your eyes away from him. 

“Finally!” someone shouts, causing the both of you to jump back from each other, acting like two first years getting caught passing notes in class. You look around before your eyes land on Johanna Mason, leaning against the statue of the university founder Alma Coin that’s off to the left of the entrance of the study center. Finnick is with her, his signature smirk gracing his elegant features once more. “We were wondering when you two would have the balls to tell each other how you felt.” 

“It seems everyone knew but you two,” Finnick adds with a deep chuckle. 

“Alright, Finny, I think we should leave the two lovebirds alone.” Johanna says, turning away. “Be safe, you two!” 

“If you need anything,” Finnick winks at Peeta. “You know where to reach me.”  

You laugh softly, leaning your head against Peeta’s chest. His arms wrap around you, encasing you in him. His cheeks rests on the top of your head, his breaths evening out as you listen to his steady heart beat. 

This is it. This is home. 

#thg #the hunger games #peeta mellark x reader #peeta mellark x y/n #thg fanfiction #thg fandom #suzanne collins #haley writes #ky tag #fanfiction #fanfic #thg fanfic #the hunger games fanfiction

[franeridart]

Anon said: Are you still into krbk? I noticed you haven't draw them a lot recently (I don't mean to pressure you, I was just wondering)

I still very much am!!! but a convergence of unrelated happenings (my focus being unusually scattered, lack of general motivation, them not having interacted much in the manga lately, my having pulled out of the fandom a little for a bunch of reasons, having gotten into a lot of new things I want to make a lot of stuff for ??) had my output of stuff for them/inspiration related to them die down a lot ): I miss them though, I should fill a page with doodles of them one of these days... well, I haven’t drawn much in genereal lately, so maybe let’s start first with fixing that haha

Anon said: Fun Fact : In smash bros ultimate there are spirits with octopath traveler and they're in pairs and guess what ? Alfyn and Therion are together :3

I KNOW!!!!!! It makes me so emo I’m a bundle of feelings they’re soulmates I tell youuuuuuuuuuu ;;A;; (little inconsequential things making me a mess, what’s new xD) - another fun fact is that h’aanit and ophilia share one too!! and I ship them too!! and cyrus and tressa share one as well, and they’re my brother’s mains in his save! A series of delightful little coincidences haha

Anon said: Will you be drawing more Jujutsu Kaisen? I love your art sm and I would love to see more!!!!

Right now I feel like I want to spend the next ten years drawing these kids, so I sure hope so! But as I said my focus has been very scattered for the past three or so months, so I can’t promise anything ): let’s both enjoy it while it lasts haha

Anon said: You are my emotional support artist. I check back every once and a while and BOOM. Serotonin.

You’re too kind!!!! But thank you, I’m glad I can make you feel better! :D

Anon said: i'm super new to your art (and mha) and i just wanted to say your krbk stuff is just !!!!!!! it makes me so happy and makes my poor jaded heart feel something and it's just all around incredible!!!

Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad you like my way of portraying the kids!!!!

Anon said: I’m about to cry I’ve spent an hour looking though your bnha tag for that lil comic where Kiri hugs Baku and. It. Sent. Me. Back. To. The. Top. I didn’t even get to finish reading it. I’m so upset. So. So. So. Upset.

(same) Anon said: OH MY GOSH IT KEEPS SENDING ME TO THE TOO I HATE MOBILE AND LOVE YOU I LVOE YOU BUT THIS WEBSITE IS K I L L I N G ME I JIST WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS AS KIRI ATTEMPTS TO HUG BAKUGOU BUT NOOOO, AN HOUR OF MY TIME ISNT ENOUGH SAYS THE TIME STEALER

(samesame) Anon said: I. Found the hug thing. On Pinterest. In. Five. Seconds. I hate life but also it was really cute. Thank you but seriously I hate this website

The saga hahaha sorry anon I couldn’t get to you before you went out of your mind trying to find it, I got the asks in the middle of the night! Glad you could find it, though I’m kinda sad you had to look on pinterest for it (...sad it is on pinterest at all tbh) here it is anyway, if this is the one you were talking about! you really went back in the years for this one huh

Anon said: So for that thing that you made a w h i l e ago where Bakugou ruffles Kirishima’s hair, right? So I imagine Kiri is like w h a t and calls over Mina or Denki or Sero or all of them or something like that and tells them and is freaking out and they’re like “he wasn’t in the right mindset, you know he sleeps at 8:32” and make a joke out of it as Kiri is freaking out. And Kiri is freaking out soooo much as they are crying laughing on the floor at Bakugou’s sleeping schedule.

hahaha I’m sure he must have freaked out on them at some point after that, and bakugou must have done the same (probably with jirou, less likely but more hilarious with todoroki or tokoyami haha) - though, the original idea came from a bigger one where the scene in the comic didn’t bring them anywhere closer to getting together (or figuring out they’re into each other, for the matter lmao idiots) maybe one day I’ll get back on that >:]

Anon said: In your comments, you said “at this point my hands will never forget” and I had a nozaki-kun memory float into my head, imagining him sick and trying to make his deadline xD yes muscle memory

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anon you have no idea how often I think about that hahaha yes, I say my hands won’t forget but we all know that’s exactly how it’ll end at some point lol

Anon said: dang this happens all the time like I follow someone for their bnha content and then like two months after following them I find out they used to make yowapeda content and im just sitting their like dang thats wild because bnha and yowapeda are like the only two animes I watch

ANON!!!! HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Always so nice to find other ywpd fans!!!!!!!! Sorry I’m not making art for it anymore (for now) but despite my sister insisting I read the manga already I’ve been putting it off......for years lol but it’s on my reading list!! So maybe I’ll get back on it at some point!

Anon said: FRAN!!!!!! i love ur art so much and im trying to buy ur products on redbubble and i geniunely cant decide what to get!!!!! i tired asking my friend but she doesnt know which one either hahahahhahah ig i just wanted to send this because i really appreciate u and u are very talented. im sending u lots of high vibrations and love❤️🧡

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! It means so much to me that you guys are still buying my stuff (TTATT) I should...........seriously update it..........gomen m(._.)m

Anon said:YES YES YEEES MORE ALFYON ON THE WAYYYYYY 💖💖💖💖💖 They're both the cutest really their ship is the beeest  Try reading some the alfyon fanfics if you have some time, they're really good ! The one i really recommend you is Crismonberries, blackberries by court_court on Ao3 !Your art is the best ever can't wait to see more octopath !!💖💖💖

Anon thank you SO MUCH for suggesting that fic to me I!!!!!!!!!!!! loved it so much I deep-dived into it and spent two straight days reading it it’s such a gem!!!!! ;;; bless you

Anon said: Have you watched Fullmetal Alchemist?

Hell yeah! Only Brotherhood though. I read the manga too tho!!

Anon said: Have you read Noragami? It’s one of my favourite manga, and the anime isn’t half bad either (still waiting for s3 tho lol) anyway it’s really good, concept-wise it’s similar to Soul Eater, I totally recommend

I watched the first season back when it aired! It’s not really my thing though ): feels a bit sad in that very specific way that always ends up just making me miserable as I keep reading............................... sorry

Anon said: I will never not be in love with your art. Everytime I'm feeling down and/or missing the boys I scroll through your krbk tag and it reminds me exactly of why I love them so much and I'm so thankful for that. Your brand of krbks is the one I love the most and honestly thank you so much for all your marvelous art of them and of other things as well because you art is just so pretty and I love seeing your ocs and other fandom art 💕💕💕

Anon I love you......................... ;;;;; thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me (oTT^TT)o<3

#fran answers #long post #chatter chatter chatter #you guys are always so nice to me man #every time i write out one of these posts i'm overwhelmed by just how much love piles up in my inbox #sob #love you all

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: Ben’s POV

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: 14 scenes told from Ben's Perspective.

Warnings: A whole lotta angst and badly handled feelings. swearing, drinking, a little bit of smut/masturbation (18+) basically everything from the other chapters but from Ben’s side lmao

Words: 22 790 (oh god im sorry, but all the sections are separated so you don’t have to read it in one hit!)

A/N: I know it's like super duper late but here is the final chapter of this series that I promised! Basically just a collection of blurbs (maybe a few oneshot length parts too) that tell the story from the other side. Some are his point of view of things that occurred in the main chapters, some fill in gaps that reader wasn't around for. 

I had a lot of fun writing from a perspective I don't normally write from! It was a bit of a challenge at times but definitely something I'd like to do again.

Taglist: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies

@coni-martina @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle @vicouscirce @arianabrashierstuff @pattieboydwannabe @maggieroseevans @theprettyandthereckless @friccinfricks​ 

“Pick up Joe, pick up,” Ben mumbled to himself, pacing around his trailer. The phone rang out and he let out a grunt of annoyance as he switched to text message.

I fucked up. Call me.

It was an anxious ten-minute wait in which Ben found it hard to sit still or focus on anything other than what a colossal mistake he’d made. He tried to go over his lines instead, tried to focus on the next scene you’d be filming together but all he could think about was you. You and how badly he’d fucked up. Finally Joe put him out of his misery. “Thank Christ,” “Sorry I was asleep,” a yawning Joe said from the other end of the line, “What happened that you needed to contact me at 6am?” “I said yes,” “To?” “Joe, I know it’s early for you but please try to keep up. I said yes.” There was a pause as Joe tried to work out what Ben meant and then realisation dawned, “Nooooo,” “Yes. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Oh my god,” Joe groaned, sympathetic, “You said yes? To the fake dating schtick?” “I wasn’t going to,” “I should fucking hope not. After everything we talked about yesterday? After we agreed it was a horrible idea?” “I know! I know,” Ben had to pause to gulp in a breath, his chest suddenly feeling too tight to handle the oxygen, “I was going to say no. I came in with a plan to say no and it was on the tip of my tongue for the entire meeting. They were going through these pages explaining it all and all of the rules we’d have to follow and I was ready to say no, I was going to say no,” “So what happened?” Ben flopped down onto his couch, the one he liked to nap on when time allowed, running his hand through his hair as he spoke, “I looked over at her and my mind clouded over and I said yes,” “Did she ask you to?” “Nope. I think she knew what I was thinking through the whole thing, she seemed shocked when I agreed to it. Fuck, why did I say yes?” “Cause you’re a fucking idiot.” “You can say that again,” “I could but I won’t.” Joe exhaled slowly into the receiver, “Jesus man,” “Yup. You wanna know the worst part though?” “Agreeing to it wasn’t the worst part?” “I’m not totally disappointed,” “Ben,” Joe sounded mildly horrified so Ben hurried to explain. “I mean, I know it’s bad. I know there were a thousand ways to better handle it...sticking to the plan and asking her out after we wrapped being the least of them. But...I have date ideas picked out already. There’s this wine and art place she’d love and the ice-skating rink and I’d love to take her to that Chinese restaurant near me. And I’m kind of happy I have an excuse to look at her now, touch her. I don’t have to worry about if she’s caught me staring or if I’m doing a bad job of hiding my feelings because everyone’s going to think we’re dating anyway so what’s the fucking harm,” “Alright Ben, I’m gonna stop you there. You need to get this shit under control. I suggest going to a bar, getting drunk, and getting into the pants of the first girl who talks to you.” “Can’t,” “Oh don’t give me that bullshit. You’re not so hung up on this Y/N chick that you can’t think about sleeping with someone else, are you?” “Doesn’t matter, I literally can’t unless I want everyone to think I’m cheating on her. Don’t think that’d go down well with the studio or anyone else really. They’d crucify me for fucking up the plan after less than a day.” “Would you have followed my advice even if that wasn’t the case?” Ben mad a non-committal noise, “Probably not. I just want her,” “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? I distinctly remember you whining about a boyfriend.” “Apparently it was never that serious. He was boring.” “You’re boring too Ben. Hate to break it to you but you’re dull, unexciting, tedious. She’s not going to want to date you either. Might as well give up now,” “Have you got a thesaurus sitting in your lap?” Joe laughed despite himself, “I thought this was going to be a crush Ben. Short lived.” “Me too. It’s not though. I can’t get her out of my mind. When I’m with her I don’t want to leave and then when I have to leave all I can think about is when I’ll next see her. She’s so wonderful and beautiful and kind-hearted. She likes pulling faces at me from behind the camera and she’s got the cutest laugh…When she’s nervous about a scene she bounces her leg. Every time. And she’s so sweet to everyone on set, always chatting with whoever is around and making jokes and stuff. I want to make her laugh. I want to calm her when she’s nervous. I want her.” “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel now. I know you wanted to wait until after the movie but I think that horse has bolted,” “I can’t tell her now, are you insane? If I tell her now she’ll call up her agent and cancel the whole fake dating thing and she’ll never want to see me again,” “Maybe she wants to date you too,” “Nope. She literally said to me she wouldn’t date me in real life,” Ben paused, thinking, “d’you reckon there’s a chance she might fall for me too? Like, with the whole pretending to date thing? Maybe I could convince her I’d be a good boyfriend,” “Don’t get your hopes up Ben,” “You’re right. She’s not going to change her mind about me. We’re friends and that’s it. And I’ve just gotta focus on finishing this movie and getting through the whole relationship without her figuring anything out.” “I don’t envy you, buddy.”

                                                       ***

It took Ben a few moments of lying in the dark to remember why he felt so nervous first thing in the morning. But the waiting message from Peter about what time the photographer would arrive was enough to remind him. He lay there a little longer, trying to prepare himself for everything, trying to convince himself that seeing you first thing in the morning would be enough of a turn off to stop him from feeling the way you made him feel. It didn’t work, the convincing or the seeing you. If anything, seeing you yawning as you left his spare room just made it all the worse. You, in his pyjamas. It made his stomach flip. He found it hard to pull his eyes from you as you drank your coffee, found it hard to not enjoy the sight of you in his pyjamas in his kitchen. You’d never been there before but you didn’t feel out of place. He could imagine other mornings, making pancakes together, you with a spot of batter on your nose that he’d wipe away and replace with a kiss, or else making you the first tea or coffee of the day and bringing it to you in bed, snuggling under the covers with you, your head resting on his chest as you talked quietly about whatever was happening that day. But planning out how you’d look for the camera was a sharp reminder that it wasn’t real, that you were only there because of work.

“And, um, he was very careful in how he worded it, but they want us to look like we fucked. Also I told them I’d take you home so there may be someone waiting for us there too, he never got back to me on it.” “Shit, okay. Umm, guess I’ll just wear this then?” he watched as you indicated the pyjamas you’d borrowed, his pyjamas, “might lose the pants though, help sell it a bit more.” “Yeah, guess so,” Ben had to clear his throat and avert his eyes, terrified that you’d be able to see what he was thinking, willing himself to stop thinking about helping you out of them. “What time is it?” He glanced at the oven, thankful to have even the smallest of diversions, “Twenty past eight,” “God I haven’t been up this early on a weekend in months.” “Not one for farmers markets or anything then?” This was a better topic. Boring, safe. “Not really. Much prefer lying in bed doing nothing.” Shit, “Me too,” he laughed, trying not to imagine you in his bed in just his shirt (fuck the pants they were too big for you anyway). “We’re meant for each other,” Ben took another sip of coffee to keep from groaning. You had no idea what you were doing to him and he wasn’t going to be the one to tell you. Not now at any rate. He’d killed any chance of anything happening when he’d agreed to this stunt and now he had to suck it up and deal with it. “Did you want to have a shower or anything?” “Nah, you can if you want though,” “Might as well wait until I get home. But I am gonna clean my teeth, especially if we have to kiss.” Jesus, the kiss, he’d almost forgotten about that, “Maybe mess up your hair too, make it look like you didn’t sleep much.” This is dangerous territory. “Well how could I when you’re such a good lover,” Oh god oh god oh god, “I know you’re joking but if anyone asks, I’m incredible. You came like three times,” “Did I now?” “Of course,” “Good thing no one’s gonna ask then, don’t think I’m great at lying,” Ben wanted to stop, wanted to switch back to talking about farmers markets and breakfast options but he didn’t seem to have control over himself anymore, “Besides, it’s not really a lie, I am that good. You just haven’t experienced it personally.” You poked your tongue out at him as you turned back towards the bathroom. As soon as he heard the door shut Ben collapsed forward against the kitchen counter, leaning on his palms as he grappled with what had just happened. He’d need to keep his wits about him from now on. Flirting like that couldn’t happen again, he’d been lucky that you'd treated it like friendly banter. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out the voice that suggested you’re lack of awareness was proof of how disinterested you were. It was only when he heard the bathroom door swing open again that he forced himself to move.

“How do I look?” you asked as you re-entered the room. Can’t avoid looking at her now, she wants your opinion, “Gorgeous.” It was true. Everything you’d done to make yourself look like you’d had a late night just made you even more desirable. The messed up hair, the smudge of makeup around your eyes. He gulped when he noticed the undone buttons of the flannel shirt, just enough to tease, and the missing pants. Tell her you want to pin her to the wall and undo the rest of those buttons. Tell her you want to wake up to that sight every morning. “But do I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked?” “Oh, right, ummm,” he gave you another cursory look, trying not to linger on any part of you for too long, “yes, I think so,” “I feel like there’s something missing,” suddenly you turned on your heel and stepped back towards the bathroom. Ben waited where you’d left him until, “Oh! I know. Might be taking it a bit far though.” Clearly he was supposed to be part of this conversation, so he followed you to the doorway, stepped just over the threshold, “What is it?” You were scrutinising your appearance in the mirror and he let himself watch your reflection, “what if you gave me a hickey?” Ben’s breath caught in his throat though he managed to stutter out your name. “Yeah, I know, that’s a weird thing to ask. Don’t worry, I think we’ll be fine without it,” He inhaled deeply wondering if your backtracking was a sign that you’d worked out what was going on in his head. He couldn’t let that happen. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to give you a love bite, though he’d prefer to be covering you in them. Slowly, he let the breath go again, “no, you’re right. A hickey will definitely make it look more authentic,”

“It’s not totally inappropriate for me to ask?” Babe this whole thing is inappropriate, “No, no, we have to make it look legit. Here, I’ll uhhh,” With another, less than steady, breath, he stepped behind you, close enough that you were practically leaning against him. His heart began to beat faster, his stomach did summersaults. Carefully he wrapped his arm around your waist to steady himself, pull you closer, as he pushed your hair to the side. He glanced at your reflection, waiting for you to stop him, to notice his shaky fingers and burning skin and to jump away from him. But you didn’t. You let him lean in, let him press his lips to your neck, let him mark you. He felt your own breath speed up, felt you tilt your head, inviting more. And then. It was only a small hum, but it had definitely come from you. He glanced at the mirror again, saw you had your eyes shut. You liked it. He was giving you a hickey and you were enjoying it. This might be his only chance to do that, to make you feel that way. He refocused on your neck, where his lips met your skin, soothing the fresh brand with his tongue. He could happily have given you ten more, was tempted to go in for a second at least. Instead he let you go, stepped backwards as quickly as he could manage. If he waited too long he’d end up saying something he’d regret. “Will that do?” “It’s great Ben really ties the whole look together,” He tried to match your smile though it felt like there was a warning siren going off in his head, “Good. Good. Okay then, I’ll umm, what time is it?” “Just after nine. Wonder if the photographer is here yet,” “I think I will jump in for that shower actually, by the time I’m done he will definitely be here,” he needed some time to compose himself before he even thought about stepping outside the door with you, “Make yourself comfortable though, watch some TV or something.” “Alright. Thanks for being so cool about all this. I know you’re a little sceptical about the benefits and everything.” “It’s fine Y/N, no need for any of that,” he forced another smile as you left but the moment you’d pulled the door shut it slipped again. Slowly he made his way to the tap, splashed his face with cold water. His fingers still tingled where they’d rested against you. The echo of your hum was stuck in his head. Your perfume still lingered in the air. “Fuck,” Ben directed the curse at his reflection, unsure any other word could sum up better than that. The fact that you didn’t want him was fucked, having you here looking the part of the perfect girlfriend was fucked, giving you a hickey for the performance was fucked. And the fact that he was sporting a semi from it was really just the cherry on top of his totally fucked sundae. He couldn’t go back out to you in such a state, especially not when you were going to have to make out for the camera. A shower to relieve himself was the only answer, though he felt bad about you being only a couple of rooms over.

With a final prayer that you wouldn’t overhear or work out why he’d changed his mind about the shower, he turned the taps on and began undressing, wincing a little as he stuck his arm under the scalding hot water. With some adjustment he was able to fully step into the shower, pausing for a moment to relax under the steady beat of the water before reaching for the soap. Of course, you were on his mind as he wrapped his hand around his cock and slowly started stroking himself. The way you looked in his shirt, the swell of your breasts just barely exposed, tantalisingly so. The hem of the shirt draped over your bare thighs. You’d make such a sight dressed like that, lying in his bed, the sheets tangled around your legs. Better still his legs tangled between yours. He thought of the hum you made as he’d sucked at your throat. On the verge of a whine, maybe even a moan. Would you whine if his lips were on your chest instead? What about your thighs, leaving a trail up to… His breathing was faster now, hand moving at a similar speed. We’re made for each other. Your voice, your words. You’d say it, half pant it, while he was inside you. Made for each other. And you’d hum that hum of pleasure. Your thighs, under his shirt. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close as he pulled your hair aside. What if you gave me a hickey?  The warmth of your body leaning against his, such a contrast to the cool bathroom tiles. That hum. Those thighs. The way you say his name. Made for each other. Your lingering perfume. Your lingering warmth. Your lingering hum. His name on your tongue. He bit his lip to keep from making any sound as he came onto the floor of the shower. It took Ben a few moments to right his breathing, eyes pressed shut so he could hold onto the fantasy for just a little longer. But he knew he didn’t have the time. At least you get to kiss her again. He rushed through washing his hair, scrubbing himself clean. As he stepped out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and swiped his palm over the fogged-up mirror. He forced himself to smile, tried to make it seem natural but that just made it feel more fake. Maybe you wouldn’t notice. With a final exhale he left the bathroom, heading towards his bedroom to find some clean clothes. Your laugh cut through the mostly quiet house. Something on the tv, a cartoon by the sounds of it, had made you laugh and Ben couldn’t help but smile for real at the sound. It made it all seem worth it. 

                                                      ***

It had been a bit of an odd week. Everyone at work knew about the relationship and Ben had found himself set upon by well meaning set dressers and ADs who were curious to know when it had started and how they’d kept it such a secret because “seriously Ben, no one suspected anything.” That was nothing to his friends though, who were shocked he’d never brought it up even in passing and who demanded to know when they could meet this secret girlfriend of his. “Someone’s gotta tell her about the time you pissed your pants at the fair,” “I was seven and had drunk a lot of coke,” “Excuses, excuses. What’s your excuse for never mentioning her before?” “I thought we were going to play FIFA, not talk about my love life,” “We were but that was before we all saw your girlfriend’s arse online,” “You can’t see her arse in that shot,” “Near enough. And we can definitely see the giant fucking hickey on her neck. Now explain yourself,” “Alright mum,” Ben shook his head, “I mean, you know I don’t normally date people I work with. Neither does she. We both wanted to give our selves some time to see if it worked, to make sure what we thought we were feeling was legit and not on screen emotions carrying over or anything like that.” “Well it looks legit judging by photos,” “Shut up,” Ben sighed, rolling his eyes, “I actually really like her,” “Hey, I have a question. When the fuck have you been seeing this chick? Because your down time is spent with us.” “Oh, umm, y’know, after work and stuff. I don’t spend all of my time with you guys,” “Uhhh beg to disagree,” Ben tried to keep his tone normal though his heart was racing. If they figured it out now it could all be over, “Fuck off I have a life outside of you. And just because I was hanging with you guys in the evening doesn’t mean I didn’t see her earlier in the day.” “Nooners?” “Lunch dates.” “Uh huh. Okay, lunch dates. She’s a good shag though, right?” “Oh yeah, fucking….great shag,” “You gotta give us more than that mate,” “Sure, okay, but first can one of you kill me,” “Boooooo,” Ben laughed as he was pelted with crisps, “I’m so going to kick all your arses, now hand me a controller.”

The week had also brought him a copy of your rules. He’d taped the sheet to the bottom of his sock draw where no one else was likely to see it but he could still have a daily reminder that none of it was real. Being around you made it easy to forget you weren’t actually his girlfriend, the lines between friendly banter and flirty teasing becoming too blurred. Of course, he also had Joe reminding him to keep his head straight. He’d called after he saw the morning-after photos. The conversation had started with Joe calling Ben a moron but quickly shifted into Ben ranting for close to an hour because he’d, that morning, heard all about the conversation with Felicity and how you’d spent so long talking up his prowess. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or scream. “Is this some kind of punishment? Did I do something completely fucked up in a past life and now I’m paying for it?” “Maybe. Or maybe it’s a lesson on why you don’t agree to something because a pretty girl smiles at you.” “Oh bugger off, you’re absolutely no help,” “Well what do you want me to do?” “I don’t know.” “I could talk to her for you.” “Mate, that’s you’re worst idea yet.” “When’s the date?” “This Saturday.” “Just keep reminding yourself you’re there as friends. Don’t get sucked in by the act.” “I’m trying.” Easier said than done, especially when he’d had the date planned for a solid few months. Not officially of course, but in the back of his head. You and him and a bottle of wine as you sat close together and painted. When he imagined the date you wore a sun dress and decorated your canvas or plate, or whatever it was he pictured that time, with little hearts and lipstick kisses. He’d make you laugh with some kind of joke and you’d lean your forehead on his shoulder. Everyone else would melt away as you looked up at him, still smiling. And you’d say something about how you should have realised you loved him sooner. “Because I do, Ben, I love you,” Which is when he’d kiss you, softly.

Ben shook his head to clear it, focusing back on the script in his hand, though you’d soon distracted him again. The real you, not the fantasy date one. The one who was bouncing her knee and staring off into space. He gently touched your shoulder, “Hey, are you okay?” “Huh?” “You’re jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?” “Oh, nothing,” He didn’t believe you, “Is it about our date tonight?” “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?” What a blessing that would be. I might actually be able to get over you. I could stop imaging you in my bed, “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” “What?” Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud, “I’ve been worried about it too.” You nodded, your leg twitching as if gearing up to bounce again. “But I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?” “Yeah I was, but-” “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake,” Ben didn’t necessarily believe it himself, or at least not for himself. He was going to struggle. But you didn’t have any underlying feelings to fight. For you it really was just a good time painting, “they’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple,” “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” “It’s okay,” before he could stop himself he’d reached for your hand, rubbing the back of it. He wanted to do more, to hold you tight and tell you it would be okay. But that would be too much. Instead he rubbed your hand and tried to distract you, “I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.” “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?” “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?” “Theres like six, Ben,” “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,” You laughed. It was the best sound in the world and he was determined to make sure he heard it again on your date.

It took Ben an hour to decide on an outfit. He’d had one set aside but looking at it in the mirror it felt too dressy, he needed something more casual. He paused for a calming smoke and then had to brush his teeth again. On set he chewed gum after a smoke, especially if there were kissing scenes, out of politeness more than anything. But the small part of him that hoped you were treating the date as an audition for the roll of real-life boyfriend worried that it would hurt his chances if he tasted like cigarettes. Assuming you’d kiss. So he brushed his teeth again and changed into an outfit he didn’t hate and then worried that he was overthinking it and should have gone with his first outfit, and needed another smoke. Which meant he had to brush his teeth a third time. It took all his willpower to not ask the uber to pull over so he could have another quick puff. But then he was at your place and you were there and he wasn’t panicking anymore. Maybe it was because you looked jittery and nervous and something in his brain overrode his own anxiety to ease yours, or maybe you just had that effect on him. Whatever the reason it meant he could focus on helping you relax. “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” He was nearly positive you hadn’t eaten yet, too anxious. “Uhh, s’pose so,” “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?” “I swear I’m not normally.” “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” Ben inwardly groaned. When the fuck did snookum become a thing? Why won’t you stop me Y/N? Please god stop me from flirting with you!  It was a relief when he made it to the McDonalds without any more slip ups and he could focus on his food and encouraging you to eat yours. He felt things were going well as you walked hand in hand through the bottle shop. He’d squeeze your hand if he felt you tensing up, make you laugh again, distract you. But then you had nudged him and pointed out the photographer. “Relax, he’s not important,” he said softly, pulling you into his side, trying to keep his own breathing even. Your face had paled at the sight of the camera, and Ben was hit by an overwhelming urge to protect you. He kept you as close as he could, soothed you as best he could. It became easier once you’d reached the shop and could get lost among the other couples and groups of friends, though he caught you checking for the photographer through the glass of the shop front. Ben hesitated for half a second before he turned your head towards him, “Forget the photographer Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We’re just two friends having a fun night out, okay?” This wasn’t the carefree date he’d been fantasising about for months. But he held out hope it still could be. If only he could make you see it. He opened the wine, talked about the art options, anything to distract you from the world outside of the shop. You took a little to warm up but he was glad to see you looking around the room as he went to collect your blank ceramics, taking everything in, and soon enough you were both contemplating designs for mugs, the photographer and the reason for the date seemingly forgotten.

Ben’s hope grew with each passing minute. The longer you were there, the more at ease you became. He got to hear your laugh again, frequently. And the conversation flowed naturally as each of you concentrated on your artwork. The design came to him quickly and he went slow, trying to make his lines as straight as possible and trying to make the engagement ring look like the one you’d spent so much of the shoot wearing. We’re really good at this dating thing. Part encouragement to help when you got nervous, part wishful thinking perhaps. But it was a quote from the movie so you wouldn’t read too far into it. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction to the mug and, as soon as he was done, announced it. “Alright, show me then,” Ben watched closely as you examined the still wet design, chewing on his lip as he tried not to care if you cared that the lines weren’t totally straight or the colours didn’t work. But as soon as you realised what the quote was you smiled. He found himself grinning as you told him how much you loved it. “Thought it was kind of fitting. Plus, it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.” “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had,” Ben turned the mug back towards himself, double checking for any flaws. He wanted it to be perfect for you, “Best proposal I’ve ever given.” He was on the verge of adding, “My real one will be better though,” but stopped himself short. That would lead to a topic of conversation he didn’t want to deal with. Not with you. Not now. He was a little surprised as you leaned in close and lowered your voice. “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?” “Promise,” he said leaning closer as well. From the outside you must look like a proper couple, whispering sweet nothings as you ignored the rest of the room. His eyes darted to your lips. Kiss her. He could, couldn’t he? He could get away with it. That was what you were there for, to be a couple, to have photos taken of intimate moments. No one would question it if he just closed the gap, not even you. But he hesitated too long, the shriek of laughter from another table interrupting the moment. He leaned back in his seat, trying to put some distance between you before he lost his head again, “So do I get to see mine?”

Ben was nearly speechless when you did eventually let him see it. The guitar with the lyrics beside it. He couldn’t have stopped from smiling even if he’d wanted to. “And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?” “It is? It’s just the song I overheard you playing that one time.” That one time. A few weeks previous. Between scenes, as he’d waited for the cameras to be organised around the new set. He hadn’t meant for anyone to hear him, least of all you. But he’d been starting to feel tense and wanted to unwind before filming resumed so he’d gone back to his trailer and taken out his guitar. It was a song he’d always liked but he’d been listening to it more often since meeting you and it was the song his fingers had begun to play without him realising. Now here it was, on the mug you’d painted for him. And you had no idea that when he sang about the stun gun lullaby, he was singing about your laugh, or that you so completely had his attention that no other woman could compare. The song might have been written for someone else but whenever he heard it, it was you being sung about. Was that a sign to not give up hope? His heart ached with how much he wished you loved him the same. Fuck, love? He’d never let himself think the L word before, that was serious shit. But it fit. He was hopelessly in love with you and there didn’t seem like there was much he could do to change the situation.

                                                      ***

Ben looked up from his laptop to see you, brows furrowed, digging through your bag. “Something wrong?” he asked as you pulled your lips between your teeth, worrying at it absentmindedly, in what he had to admit was an adorable fashion. “Uhh, I think I need to go home,” “How come? If you forgot something I have a replacement here. What was it sunnies? Chapstick? A book?” “No, it’s not that sort of-” “Then what? You already have a toothbrush and PJs here,” “No it’s something else... I just think I’d be more comfortable at home today,” Ben tried to keep his voice steady but his mind was whirring with the possible reasons for your sudden wish to leave. Did you know about his secret? “Well a-are you sure I can’t help. We’re meant to be seen together this afternoon and if we leave now they won’t be able to get a shot of us smooching,” You chuckled at his word choice and he found it hard to repress his smile. “I’ll apologise to Mary and Peter, tell them something came up and see if we can reschedule,” “Are you positive there isn’t anything I can do?” You shook your head slightly, “if you really must know my period is a little early and I don’t have any tampons on me. Happy?” “Oh,” he began to laugh at your slight embarrassment, more relieved than embarrassed himself, “is that all?  Y/N, you’re not the first girlfriend I’ve had, fake or not. I’m a 29 year old man I can deal with talking about periods, and I can certainly run to the shop for you,” “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that. I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today,” ““Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” You didn’t look convinced, eyeing the doorway to the hall. “Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.” You hesitated a moment longer, “oh alright, as long as you don’t mind,”

It took Ben two minutes to collect his shoes and wallet and car keys and then he was out the door, assuring you he’d be as quick as possible. On his way out he saw the photographer, getting into position by his front gate. He shot Ben a questioning look at the detour from the set plan as Ben hopped into his car. As he reversed out of the driveway he caught the photographer’s attention. “Making a run to the shop to pick up something for Y/N. Might be a good photo in it,” Ben felt odd talking to the man – a man who he recognised well enough, who had witnessed every intimate moment he’d shared with you (and who had been the catalyst for a number of them), but a man he knew next to nothing about. But he hoped that by leading the photographer away he was ensuring you’d have a peaceful respite from the constant intrusion of knowing you were being watched. The photographer nodded, replaced the lens on his camera and headed to his own car, following Ben to the closest supermarket. The distraction of communicating with the photographer was almost enough to make Ben stop kicking himself for not being more prepared for this eventuality. It was only once he was at the store, standing in front of a shelf of feminine hygiene products that he was truly side-tracked from his lack of foresight, and realised he had no idea what you wanted. You picked up your mobile on the third ring. “Hey, it’s Ben, what do you want?” “Don’t tell me you forgot already,” “No, I mean, what sort. There’s hundreds of boxes to choose from, I have no idea which brand you like or what, um…strength you need.” “Oh,” you laughed and described what your go to brand’s packaging looked like. He scoured the shelves, trying to block out the snap of a phone camera as the photographer got his shot. “Ah, got it,” he said as he finally located the right one, pulling down a box for you now and one to keep in his bathroom for future use, “see you in a few.” “Thanks Ben,” “It’s nothing,” he refrained from closing the call with a love you, instead just saying, “Part of the boyfriend package.” On his way back towards the register he detoured into the tea and coffee isle, picking out a box of herbal tea bags that said For Women on the box, hoping they’d sooth whatever cramps you were dealing with, and then grabbed a box of chocolates in case you wanted something sweet to snack on. The photographer was outside already, waiting to get a shot of him leaving with a full bag. 

It made Ben’s heart swell to see how grateful you were for his haul. He went to the kitchen to make you a tea and himself a coffee as you ducked into the bathroom. “Did you find the Panadol?” he asked, rattling the box of painkillers as you joined him in the lounge. “Yeah, thanks. I took two but I might need more in a few hours, if I’m still here. I’ll buy you a new box if I use too many,” “Don’t be daft. How are you feeling?” “Yeah fine. A few cramps but it’s nothing.” “Do you want a cuddle?” he asked without thinking. “What?” Ben shrugged, “I don’t know, my ex said that cuddling up with me made her feel better. But that’s a different- she probably said it so she had an excuse to make out a bit,” You laughed, “a cuddle would actually be very welcome right now,” “Oh, well in that case,” Ben shuffled over, patting the space beside him, and tried to remember that you weren’t really dating. But he couldn’t stop himself from pulling you tight against him and breathing deeply.

                                                      ***

Ben wasn’t drunk. Not properly so anyway. He was too much of a chatty drunk to trust himself when he was sloshed. He’d had enough to loosen up and to dull the ache he felt whenever he looked at you. And to leave his keys at the bar. Nothing a glass of water and some TV couldn’t fix. He’d lost himself in the show when his phone dinged, nearly jumping at the unexpected noise. It was a text from Joe.

WTF?

It took Ben a few seconds to work out what it referred to but then the afternoon came back to him, the last scene you’d filmed, the photo he’d posted. Shit. “Ah, shit. Forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep?” he cast around for a reasonable excuse, “We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.” “Sure,” you said, already pressing buttons on the remote. “I promise I won’t be long,” “Take your time, it’s fine.” Ben smiled though it slipped as he left the room and pulled up Joe’s number. He shut the door of the room he used when he stayed over, already sure this would not be a conversation he’d want you to overhear. “What the fuck is that photo Ben?” “It’s nothing,” he sighed, “just the last day of filming,” “Are you alright, you sound weird?” “We went out for a drink.” “You and Y/N?” “And the rest of the cast and crew. And, before you say anything, no I didn’t get so drunk I blabbed about anything. I do have some self control,” “I wasn’t saying anything,” “No but you were thinking it. Anyway, I think I’m allowed to have a few drinks under the circumstances. Not exactly easy being secretly in love with your co-star who you’re also fakely dating,” “Alright, alright, point made. But that doesn’t explain the photo,” “Like I said, last day of filming,” Joe waited for more and begrudgingly Ben continued. “It was our last scene together and I wanted to commemorate it,” “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.” “Y/N said it was a bit cheesy,” “Uhh yeah, little bit,” Joe laughed, “you’re not worried it was a bad idea?” “No. We got told to post stuff, which you already know since Y/Ns posted tonnes and you’ve commented on nearly all of them. Figured I should pull my weight,” “Someone has to keep an eye on you two. Stop you from doing something stupid.” “That’s what you’re doing is it?” “You sure you didn’t post the photo with that caption because you’re dying to tell her how you feel and this is a safe way to do so?” Ben scuffed his foot along the carpet, digging his toes into the rough material and feeling like a school boy being admonished by a teacher, “So what if it is?” “All I’m saying is be careful. You’re keeping two very large secrets and–” “Yeah Joe, I fucking know but I don’t have much of a choice here,” “That’s what I’m saying…look, I know you’re a bit of a romantic at heart but you’re also not the sort to get this hung up on unavailable skirt so I believe you when you say you love her. But don’t let it slip out because that’ll just make things worse.” “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess,” “Neither do I. Frankly I don’t think you were thinking. At least, not about yourself.” “Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it?” “Alright. This is going to sound harsh, but it’s coming from a place of friendship. Just stop.” “What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.” “That’s not what I meant. I understand you can’t get out of the fake relationship stuff. But, maybe you can get out of the other side of things. Just tell her. Intentionally, tell her. I know it’s not what you want to hear and I know you’re going to argue with me and say you can’t but why not? If you tell her and she admits she likes you then great, you can be together for real. Or, if you tell her and she says she doesn’t feel the same then she can’t get out either and you can be miserable together and she’ll at least stop hanging around you so much when you don’t have to be seen together and you can get over her.” Ben shook his head, “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel,” “I just think this whole situation…sucks for you. A mirthless laugh rose in Ben’s throat, “of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening,” “Are you sure she doesn’t feel something, even if she’s not saying it?” “No I know it’s completely one sided.” “Is there any chance she already knows? You’re not the most subtle guy in the world Ben, maybe she figured it out before you were approached about the fake out,” “No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew,” Ben heard Joe sigh, “I don’t know what to say then man,” “I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her. But it fucking sucks that it’s only in public.” “What about now that the movie’s finished?” “I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will make it easier to stop thinking about her…I doubt it though. It’s not like I haven’t tried already. I spent the whole of pre-production and the first weeks of filming trying to get her off my mind and I couldn’t I don’t know how and I don’t think I could unless we literally stopped talking to each other entirely and, honestly I don’t know that I could handle that. But again, we’re back at I don’t have a choice here. I have to keep seeing her and being with her and being her boyf-” A door slammed at the other end of the house, making Ben jolt. “What is it?” “Nothing, I think Y/N just went to the bathroom or something.” “She’s at your place?” “No, I locked myself out of my place. I’m at hers. I should go though, we’re halfway through an episode.” “Ben. Be careful.” “Always am.”

Ben hung up with a sigh. Joe could tell him to move on or spill the beans all he liked but it wasn’t so simple. He slapped his cheeks and shook his head to clear it, pulling a smile back onto his face as he headed back to the living room. He was a little surprised to see the room empty but settled himself on the couch once again, pulling a throw blanket over himself. It smelt like you. Without thinking he pulled up Instagram on his phone and revisited the photo. You’d commented on it, less cheesy but there were heart emojis strewn throughout. A similar sentiment to his original caption. He sighed and shook his head, clicking out of the app to find something else to read until you returned. The sound of your footsteps drew his attention. Something had changed. You looked pale and unwell. “Are you okay?” “Fine, thanks. Just tired. Might call it quits after this ep.” He didn’t think you’d drunk that much but maybe it was just starting to catch up with you now. Then again, it had been a long and emotional day. You had every right to be wiped out by it and especially now that you were home with no filming or celebrating to distract you from how exhausting it all was. He offered you a spot under the blanket in case it would make you feel better to have some human contact. Just for that reason of course, nothing to do with wanting to hold you. He shrugged it off when you refused and didn’t really think of it again until the episode ended and you went off to bed. He was still too alert to sleep himself, still dwelling on the conversation with Joe. So he flicked TV channels until he found something mildly distracting, a rerun of a dumb home renovation show that was easy to get sucked into.

When he did finally feel tired enough to go to bed he turned off the TV and the lights and began to tiptoe down the hall to his room. But there was light coming from your room. Not the yellow light of a bulb but the blue light of a phone or laptop. You were still up. Maybe you really weren’t feeling well. He wondered if he should check on you, offer to make you a tea with honey and lemon or something else comforting. Did you need tissues? A pot in case you had to throw up? Someone to hold your hair back? He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and sighed. This is exactly what you shouldn’t be thinking. He glanced at the light under your door again and then turned and continued his path up the hall. But, after that, he felt awake again. Unable to sleep. There was too much to think about. Maybe the caption on the photo had been a mistake. Maybe Joe was right and he should tell you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. When it came to you that’s all there was. A noise interrupted him, you groaning and the creak of springs as you shifted in the bed. Is she having a wank? That was his first thought. Does she need help? Was his next. Dangerous. Everything fell silent again and he realised you must have just rolled over to try and get comfortable. He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed. He rolled onto his side, pulled the blanket up a little higher, willed himself to fall asleep but it was out of the question. You shifted again, your bed creaking with the movement. Maybe he should check on you, in case you were unwell. Or maybe there was something on your mind too. Maybe he could help. It was bound to be easier to solve than the mess he was in at any rate. He was on the verge of swinging his legs out of bed again when he was reminded of what Joe said about trying to forget you. He could feel that need to protect you, look after you, rising in his chest again. That wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t what he needed. He sighed and stayed in bed and listened to your tossing and turning until he finally managed to sleep himself. Only to dream of you.

                                                      ***

Ben settled the bill, walked out of the restaurant and kept walking. The entire time thinking back on the days, weeks before the fight was due to occur. Something had seemed off about you. Or maybe that was just hindsight. If he had noticed anything, if he had ever thought you seemed out of sorts, he’d put it down to stress from auditions, trying to find the next job. It wasn’t always easy lining up another project after one had finished. He understood how stressful it could be, especially for an actress like you who was on the cusp of something bigger, looking for your big break. But maybe he’d been blind. After that dinner, after everything you said, there was no denying that something more was going on.

You’d been…not your usual self. From the moment you arrived. He’d asked if you were nervous, but he hadn’t been able to see any of the usual signs. No bouncing let, no bitten lip. So nervous wasn’t it. But you weren’t happy either. He had been though, happy to see you, happy to be with you again. Even with the looming argument. Truthfully, he’d been thinking of what would happen after, when you were alone together and able to just hang out or whatever. He should have realised things were going south the moment you told him to stop looking so happy. He just kept repeating the evening over and over, rewinding and rerunning every moment as if he could figure it all out just from that. Another moment leapt to the front of his mind. “So having a public spat doesn’t bother you but you almost lost your lunch over our first date?” “That was just because the whole situation was new and I felt weird about going on a date with you.” That had hurt though he knew he shouldn’t have let it. Of course you’d have felt weird about going on a date with someone you had no interest in just for the sake of a movie. But still, it had hurt. A taste of what was to come. “Are you nervous?” You didn’t really seem to care what he said. Of course, he hadn’t given you the whole truth. It wasn’t totally dishonest to say argument scenes made him more nervous than love scenes but that was omitting bigger elements. Maybe it would have been more truthful to say the concept of a public fight wasn’t something he was particularly fond of. But at the time he’d felt like if he’d said then he’d have ended up admitting that it was especially true when you were involved. That all he wanted to do was look after you and love you, not argue in a room full of strangers just trying to enjoy a nice meal. After that he felt like he hadn’t been able to get you to say more than a few words. You who was usually so open and conversational. You who he’d spent more time with recently than just about anyone else. You who he could always talk to, joke around with. It was frustrating that you wouldn’t just tell him. He remembers feeling frustrated, of getting short with you. He regretted that. But that was when he was sure something was wrong. He might have ignored all the signs before that but as soon as he felt you had closed yourself off, he wanted to know why. Wanted to figure out what was bothering you, what could have happened. A fight with Felicity? Bad news about an audition? Maybe he’d said something offhanded and hadn’t realised he’d upset you (god if thats the case I want to know even more so I can apologise a hundred times over). He asked about it all, wanted to make things better, but then you were letting rip. Completely off book and unscripted, even when he gave you cues to get back on track. He would have been impressed with your performance except he was so taken aback by it. Without thinking he’d reached for your hand. He can see it happening in his mind, as if he were viewing the scene from above. The way you’d wrenched your hand away, leaving his sitting uselessly in the middle of the table. And all he could hear was “clingy and needy” in your voice with such…what was it, disgust? Hatred? And before he could so much as open his mouth to stop you, you were gone. That’s not what was meant to happen. You were meant to leave together and laugh about it afterwards. He wasn’t meant to be walking through London on his own, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was then that Ben looked up and realised he didn’t know where he’d walked to. He considered stepping into a bar with all the noise to drown out your voice, all the alcohol he could handle to make him forget. Clingy and needy. But he thought better of it and turned to hail a cab instead. What he couldn’t stop himself from doing was calling you, though he was left disappointed when it went straight to voicemail. He listened for the beep as if he were going to leave a message but when the beep came he didn’t know what to say. What could he possibly say? What changed? Am I really so clingy? What can I do? Closer to home he tried again but the same thing happened. He hung up before the beep.

As he was letting himself inside his phone rang and for the length of a heartbeat he thought it was you. But it wasn’t. It was just Peter telling him that the video had gone live, congratulating you both for putting on such a good show, being so convincing. He ran through some early statistics, something about how many times it had been shared already, and then followed it by saying they wanted separation for a few weeks, until the make up dinner. Ben listened in a daze. When Peter finally hung up Ben opened twitter. The video was easy to find. He put his phone down on the kitchen bench and moved to pour himself a drink. Maybe he didn’t have quite as much alcohol as a bar, but he had enough to do the trick. His phone was staring at him the entire time. He shook his head, moved the phone to his pocket and headed to his bedroom. His guitar was there, the perfect way to clear his head. He picked it up, sat on the end of the bed and, without thinking, he played the opening chords of that song. Your song. With a slight clatter as his hands knocked the wood, he let the guitar drop back to the bed, trying to dig his phone out of his pocket. The video was still there, waiting for him. Proof. It wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t made up. He couldn’t see your face from the angle it was taken. But he could see the tension in your shoulders, the way you pulled your hand back as if you couldn’t think of anything worse than having him touch you. And he could hear you. Clingy and needy.

Ben watched it just the once, unable to suffer through it again. It wass already playing on a loop in his head, he didn’t really need the visual reminder. And then he called Joe. There wasn’t really much else he could do. No one else he could talk to about it. Joe had seen it, had watched it, and he commented on how good it looked, how real it seemed. “I think that’s because it was. Y/N went completely off book. We didn’t plan it to be like that,” “Is that why you look so shocked?” “Yeah, guess so.” Ben gulped down a mouthful of his drink and wished he’d brought the bottle with him. “I’m trying very hard not to call her something beginning with B right now,” “Joe she’s not a bitch, she’s…I don’t know. Something must have happened, I just don’t know what. “Maybe she’s starting to crack? Pressure of keeping up a fake relationship is getting to her,” “Can you try not to sound too excited by the idea. I’d remind you I do actually love her and if things work out between us I’d like for you to meet her.” “You can’t blame me for disliking her when I get a call from you every other day telling me she’s broken your heart again,” “You’re such a drama queen,” “Fine, I’ll try to keep my dislike to a minimum. But could it be that? I know she doesn’t have the same baggage as you but it’s probably not easy for her either,” “She called me clingy. Needy. Why would she say that?” “Because she’s a bitch.” “Bloody hell Joe,” “Unless…” “Unless what?” “Is there any chance she knows?” “You mean about me? Come off it, absolutely not. It’s not like I tell everyone I meet about it. You’re the only person who knows.” “Alright, then it must be something else.” “What do I do? I can’t,” Ben sighed, “It was meant to be different. We were going to have words at the restaurant and then go home together looking tense and then laugh about it when we were alone but instead…instead I’m home alone with half a bottle of whisky and a fake girlfriend who won’t answer my calls. What the fuck am I meant to do with that?” “Just give her some space Ben. You don’t know it was you. It could have been any number of things. It might just be that she was having a bad day and because you were already set to have the spat, you caught the brunt of her frustration. She’ll call in a day or two, embarrassed and apologising and you can go back to pining in peace. Out of curiosity, what was the fight originally going to be like?” “Oh, um…We’d decided that I was going to suggest she meet my family and she was going to say she wasn’t ready for that and it was all getting too serious or something like that.” “Well, that’s pretty much what she actually said isn’t it?” Ben thought for a moment. He’d been so wrapped up in her description of him, he’d not really thought about the overall message of her monologue, “Yeah, I suppose it is.” “See, she wasn’t as off script as you thought. She just jumped the gun a bit and took you by surprise. I’d guarantee that it’s something else entirely and you just happened to be the unlucky outlet for her anger.” “Maybe you’re right. She did say that thing about pretending everything was okay and acting like we’re serious….how I love her more than she loves me,” “And you’re certain she doesn’t know,” “100 per cent. She’s never had the chance to find out,” “Then of course I’m right, it was just an issue of timing and you being in the line of fire,” “Maybe I should see her,” “No! Bad idea Ben. Really bad idea.” “I just want to be sure it wasn’t my fault. If I’d been less wrapped up in pretending she was my girlfriend then may-” “Stop beating yourself up. Just try not to drink too much and get some sleep. She’ll sort herself out and call when she’s less mortified by the whole thing.” “Okay, yeah,” “And for fucks sake, stay off twitter,” Ben hung up, feeling marginally better but unable to shake the feeling that it was somehow his fault. Clingy and needy. Clingy and needy. Clingy. And needy. The way you’d spat the words at him. The way you’d stormed out. He sighed, slumped forward, and ran his hands down his face. No, Joe’s right, it’s not you. But, as much as he repeated it, Ben still found tears clinging to his palms as he pulled them away.

                                                      ***

Ben looked at his phone and bit his lip. His eyes shifted back to the ocean of brake lights ahead of the car and then back to his phone. He was already running late and the traffic didn’t seem to be moving. God he did not want to be late. Not after everything that had happened. Not after you’d cleared up the mess from the fight, not after he’d made such an effort to be less clingy, to give you more space. Things weren’t back to normal by any stretch but at least you were talking again, at least you’d missed him. The conversation you’d had the previous night, staying on the phone to watch TV. He’d been surprised by your suggestion but equally as thrilled. It had to be a sign that you felt something too. People don’t just watch episodes of TV over the phone for anyone, do they? He was in with a chance, he knew it. But, in the hours after the episode had ended and the call with it, he’d come to one conclusion. He had to tell you. He had to bite the bullet and tell you. If he wanted something real with you, you had to know. And if he kept it secret any longer it could lead to more arguments which he definitely did not want. What he wanted was for you to understand why he’d become so attached, and hopefully, to reciprocate. So he was going to tell you. And he couldn’t be late.

As the car inched forward Ben made up his mind. He was going to be there on time, one way or another. With a thankful word to the driver he got out of the car and hurried onto the pavement, beginning to walk towards the restaurant. He’d spent all day feeling like he was about to have a heart attack, chest aching with how badly he wanted to see you and how nervous he was about your reaction. He wasn’t going to fuck up now. As he walked a display in a shop window caught his eye and he quickly stepped inside. The bell tinkled as he entered, getting the assistant’s attention. She gave him a up and down glance as she greeted him, as if trying to determine the occasion based on his outfit alone. “Welcome to Coming Up Roses, what can I do for you?” “I need a bouquet,” “I can certainly help with that. Any flowers you had in mind?” “Uhhh not really. Spur of the moment,” “Well what’s the occasion then? I have flowers for everything from weddings to funerals, I’m sorry to Congratulations,” “Um, I’m about to tell the girl of my dreams that I’m in love with her,” The woman smiled, “I’ve got just the thing,”

A minute later and Ben was once again hurrying up the street, clutching the freshly wrapped bouquet, his heart pounding as he tried not to worry about how much time was passing. He had to pause at one point to get a map up on his phone, unsure of the restaurant’s exact location. He was further away than he thought and quickened his step, threading through groups of people on nights out, trying not to bump into anyone. You were already there, waiting. He could see you from half a street away and ran to meet you, kissing your cheek and handing over the bouquet before he really registered that that’s what he was doing. It was only as you were smelling the flowers and complementing them that he realised you were there, actually there, and he suddenly felt extra nervous about it all. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” Ben wanted to die, wanted to be sucked into a hole in the ground, sent through a time warp, anything to not be there babbling at you like a fucking idiot. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy.” Shut up “Now you have to carry them around all night,” fucking shut up, “what was I thinking?” for the love of all that is holy, “And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” He didn’t know what had come over him, but he wished it would go away. And things only got worse as he looked you over, took in your whole appearance. Seeing you just made him want you even more, especially with how gorgeous you looked. He wanted to kiss you, tell you. But he had to be able to speak to tell you and he wasn’t going to be able to do that until he relaxed a little. A drink, that’s what he needed. He downed his first one fast, willing it to work its magic. It did help calm him, though your laugh just made his heart race again. Halfway through the next glass he felt like he could say it and was on the verge of just getting it out into the open when you were interrupted, shown to your table. He took it as a sign that it would be bad timing and that he needed to wait. Instead he focused on just having a good night with you. The memory of your last dinner was still in the back of his mind but he pushed it away by reminding himself that things were better now. He felt himself relax more as you talked and with every touch you gave him. The drinks were definitely part of it too but he put it down to you mostly. How much you sooth him, how happy he finds himself when he’s in your presence. He could breathe properly again. You startled him a little by saying Joe would want to meet you but of course, you don’t know that he knows that it’s all a big production so you just meant it in a friend-being-curious-about-the-girlfriend type way. Very far from the truth. But Ben agrees and changes the topic.

When dessert arrived, he thought maybe that could be a good time to say it because it’s the end of the meal and you can leave quickly if you need to. But before he get’s to it he finds himself asking something else instead. “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” He hoped he hadn’t wrecked the evening by bringing it up but he was curious too, “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” Ben worried at his lip as he watched you slowly finish your mouthful and set the spoon down. “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” That was a relief. Proof that you were on the same page again, back to normal. And proof that you did care about him. “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” This is it, this is your moment, “Like, um,” He wanted to say it, had the words picked out already but, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk driving you away again, causing another scene. Maybe he could say it back at his place, away from the cameras and the interested public. Maybe that would be smarter. All the same, he felt disappointed with himself for not having the guts to just tell you, and to try to cover the moment asked if you wanted to leave. As you step outside he remembers the kiss that was expected and he leans in to remind you. It’s more than a kiss though, different to all the other times you’d kissed. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to it. Any excuse really. And he says as much when he, somewhat accidentally admits to having missed kissing you. It was a thought that somehow slipped out of his mouth, but either you didn’t hear him or you were too caught up in the moment to say anything. Or she feels the same. He pushed the hopeful thought down as you kissed him back. His heart pounded as he felt your hands on his chest, as if it were trying to tell you what he’d been too much of a coward to say. And then you whined and settled on his lap and god what a fucking gorgeous sound. He’d spent months getting off to the memory of a hum and now you were gifting him a whine? An eager, excited whine at that. The sort of thing he’d been trying to imagine and it was so much better than anything he’d come up with. Your hand was in his hair and he very nearly echoed your noise back to you from that alone, but it caught in his throat as you kept kissing him, tongues twisting, your chest pressed against his. He wanted to hold you close and touch every part of you he could reach all at once, unsure of whether to grab your arse or you hip or the back of your neck. So he did a bit of it all, slid his hand along your arm and then down your back and then to your arse. And all too soon it stops. He could have cursed that driver and the heartless car horn that interrupted and sent reality crashing back down around him.

Once you were inside the safe zone of his house, away from the act, he expected things to go back to normal. You’d take off your makeup and then make a cup of tea and fill a glass of water for your flowers and you’d wind down with something on TV before you both went to bed. He’d have to have a shower to get off without you suspecting anything because there was no way he was going to be able to sleep with the memory of your tits pressed against him and your whine and your kiss swimming around his head. But you don’t walk to the bathroom like you normally do. He pulls the wallet from his pocket, places it deliberately next to his keys. But you still haven’t moved. He turns slowly, notices the way you swallow and lick your lips and he swears he’s on the verge of asking what you’re doing or saying something about it being a mistake, at least the thought crosses his mind, but you were standing so close (when did she get so close?) and when you kiss him again he just kisses back.

It’s a mistake probably, definitely, he knows that. He can hear the siren in his head again telling him to stop, pull away. But the problem is that it doesn’t feel like a mistake, doesn’t feel like it should be, and when he takes a step back you step with him and again and again until he’s somehow on the couch with you on his lap again. And why would he stop that, why would he say no to you when you fit there so perfectly and you feel so good? And all he can think about is that whine and that hum from all those months ago and he wants to see what other sounds he can pull from you so he drops his lips to your neck. “Wait, wait,” He’s confused as to why you’re stopping him and even more confused when you’re not in his arms anymore. “It’s rule one Ben,” Bugger rule one. Bugger all the fucking rules, you’ve broken most of them tonight anyway if they weren’t already broken. A voice in the back of his head reminds him what a big mistake that would be, but it can’t argue against making out. Making out isn’t against the rules and you know it too, you hesitate when he says it out loud. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” he’s not sure if he’s talking about here and now, physically, or something deeper, something in the realm of boyfriend but what does it matter because both are true. You shake your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” And then it all comes out. That you knew about his crush. And everything stops. Just stops. He can’t breathe, air doesn’t exist anymore, and he’d say his heart had stopped too except he can hear it pounding in his ears, drowning out whatever you’re saying. You knew? You’d known for months? All those times Joe had suggested it, all that time he spent worrying about keeping it from you and you already fucking knew? And then everything seems to speed up all at once. The air rushes back, as loud as his heart, which only doubles it’s pounding until he can feel it trying to punch a hole through his chest and escape. Rational thought returns, connecting dots and drawing conclusions almost faster than he can keep up. “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He has to laugh at how fucking ridiculous an idea that is. That space would have ever helped him purge you from his system. Love isn’t that easy to get rid of. And his tongue must have sped up with the rest of his body because he’s saying it, the thing he’s been putting of saying, the thing he’s been wanting to tell you all night, and he wishes he could stop because this isn’t how he wanted it to go. This wasn’t how you were meant to find out. But no matter how much he screams at himself he can’t take it back. It’s out there. And you look horrified. “You love me?” Three words have never been spoken with more contempt than you managed to cram into that once sentence. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” Your silence cuts through him like a knife, shredding what little hope remained. His heart isn’t beating against his chest anymore. It’s been kicked across the room and lies lifeless against the wall.  “That’s what I thought.”

He can’t be here anymore, can’t look at you. He wants to leave but he remembers all the cameras outside, reminds you of their presence in case you’re planning the same escape he is. He’s trapped there and so are you. So he puts as much space between you as he can, heads to his room and slumps heavily onto the end of his bed. All he can think about is those three words, you love me? Not a hopeful question. Not even stunned surprise.  More of an accusation. He tastes blood but otherwise barely notices when he tears his lip with his teeth. You must hate him for getting you both into this mess. He hates that he’s done it, that he’s put you in this position. And he knows you’re never going to want to speak with him let alone see him again. And he knows that as soon as the cameras leave, you’ll leave too. And that thought hurts just as much as everything else. You’re moving about, he can hear you walking around. It sounds like you’re pacing. Five steps and then a turn and then five more steps, another turn. Something about the rhythm breaks through his overactive, panicking, worrying mind. Something about it calms him. Maybe it’s that knowing you’re restless and agitated makes him want to comfort you, despite everything he’s feeling. Or maybe it’s just because the sound of your footfall means you’re still here. And if you’re still here then maybe he can smooth things over. He doesn’t expect to fix everything. He’d understand if you still wanted to erase him from your contacts and pretend you were only ever colleagues. But if he can just explain himself, explain that he never meant for this to happen, explain why he kept it from you or tried to anyway and maybe explain what he’d wanted tonight to be instead of the clusterfuck it’d become. If he can get any of that out then maybe you won’t hate him quite so much.

He says your name softly, not sure he’s allowed to say your name, “I heard you pacing.” “Sorry, I’ll keep the noise down.” “No, that’s not- it’s okay. I just thought, since we’re both clearly awake and since they haven’t left yet, I thought you might like a cuppa.” “I didn’t think you drank tea,” Have you really not noticed yet? He never bought tea bags, until you started coming to stay over regularly. Twice you opined about not being able to have a cup of tea before bed and that was all it took for him to start keeping them in his cupboard along with the biscuits you prefer. That’s how he knows it’s love. He took a breath as he pulled out mugs and stuck the kettle on, resolutely not looking at you. If he looks at you he’ll spill his guts and won’t be able to stop. He has to make tea first. Just the way you like it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” It comes out the second he looks at your face and it’s only that you’re telling him you understand that he doesn’t immediately say more. He drops his eyes to the brown liquid in his mug, undrinkable in his opinion, but a perfectly adequate distraction. He needs to get the words right this time. No stumbling and stuttering, no blurting things out without thinking. He needs to say it right so you’ll listen and understand what he’s trying to do. “I promise I understand where you’re at and I’m not going to try and convince you or to chase you or anything like that. I really am trying not to feel this way.” He glances back at your eyes, terrified of what he’d see there. “It’s okay Ben, I know you wouldn’t. I just wasn’t expecting you to drop the L bomb.” “Please don’t hate me,” it’s a whisper compared to everything else he’s said but there’s no way to make his voice stronger. It’s the thing he’s most worried about and admitting it out loud to you is harder than he imagined it would be. “I could never,” the sincerity with which you say it is almost enough to make him cry but the hug is what pushes him over the edge. It’s more warmth and kindness than he thinks he deserves after everything he’s done. And it’s exactly what he needed. Comfort and reassurance in one simple gesture. He wraps his arms around you for the third time that night, his face pressed into the cook of your neck, and you let him, squeezing back, as he lets everything out.

                                                        ***

The night after you met Joe, Ben visits him again, this time without you. It had always been the plan, to see Joe a few times, as much as the press circuit would allow, while he was in the US. But after the previous night it’s more necessary. And yet, Ben was struggling to vocalise any of his questions. It’s not until after dinner, when Joe suggests they take their drinks out onto the veranda, that any of it comes up. It’s peaceful out there, sitting in the cool night air, each of them taking turns to swig from their beer bottle as they talk. But Ben’s mind is constantly disrupted with thoughts of you. It’s the first time since all the promotion stuff started that he’s had more than a couple of minutes away from your side. Joe isn’t helping, constantly glancing at Ben, frowning, as if he’s trying to work something out. But he’s the first to crack, making it easier for Ben to talk. “How’s it going?” “Press is fine, bit boring. You know how repetitive it can get,” “And you know that’s not what I meant,” “Yeah. Nah, everything’s fine. Mostly,” “Mostly?” “It’s not easy having to share a room with her. I mean, it’s fun though. I’m glad she’s the one I’m doing all this shit with. We’re mates and we’ve been working so closely for so long now that we…get each other. Like there was this interview where one of the questions made me uncomfortable and she knew straight away and broke in to take some of the heat. She just says whatever she can to make me laugh or ease the tension or whatever will help. And I know when she’s getting nervous and needs a break or a fresh cuppa. But when it’s just us in our suite it’s…hard. I don’t know, I’m just trying to keep some distance even though there’s not much to be had. What did you think of her?” “Honestly?” “Of course,” “She’s perfect for you. Except for the not being interested part.” Ben nodded, letting his eyes fall to where his fingernail was digging into the label on his bottle. “Although…” “What?” Ben looked back at Joe, “You think she might be?” “I don’t know. And I don’t want to get your hopes up. She certainly doesn’t think she is. I asked her about it while you were out here last night and she was adamant that she doesn’t think of you that way but that’s not how it looked to me.” “We had a moment yesterday. Just before we came here. Nearly kissed.” “Seriously? Again?” “I stopped it. Kind of wish I hadn’t. Maybe if something happened, she’d change her mind,” “I know I’m not part of this situation and I wasn’t there and can only go off of what you’ve said and the one time I’ve met her but, for what it’s worth, I think you made the right call.” “Yeah?” “I don’t think you want anything to happen with her until you’re both more sure where you stand. Definitely not while you’re stuck sharing a hotel room.” “But what if -” Joe shook his head, “I watched her last night. She looked at you a lot and not just because you were the one talking. She also smiled a lot whenever your attention was on her. I was half expecting her to say she had a thing for you but wasn’t sure if she should tell you or something like that. So I think there is a good chance she is attracted to you but for some reason, doesn’t want to admit it and I think sleeping with her would just make things more complicated and worse for both of you. You said she had her little freak out thing when you were hooking up after that date. You don’t want to let things get further and have her freak out again.” “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just confusing myself because we’ve been in such close quarters. I just wish things were more certain y’know? Like, she keeps saying she doesn’t like me as more than a friend but then we’ll have a moment like we did in the hotel, or like on the plane when she was leaning on my shoulder to help with my crossword puzzle, or when we fucking made out. And then I’m back getting my hopes up only for her to turn around and crush me again. And it’s probably nothing anyway. Just pent up urges since we’ve been fucking trapped in this for months now.” “I don’t know man, it might be more than that. She seemed really into you last night.” “Nah. She’s horny and I’m there and that’s why we’ve had these near kisses and stuff. She’s said she doesn’t like me so that’s it. Maybe it’s better that way anyway.” Joe shook his head again but let the subject drop, “So how long are you here for again? There’s this restaurant up the road I should take you to.”

                                                      ***

The closer he got to his parent’s place the more tightly wound Ben felt. Bringing a girl home to meet the family was always at least a little nerve wracking – wondering whether they’d like her, whether she’d like them, how many embarrassing stories he’d have to sit through. But he could safely say that with you it was worse than with anyone else. There was so much history with you, despite never having legitimately dated, that he couldn’t stop thinking about. You meant so much to him. And he knew his mum was going to love you (how could she not) and that meant he was going to be asked why it took him so long to bring you around and about where it was headed and they were questions he didn’t really feel up to answering. Of course, on top of all of that, there was the prospect of sharing a room with you, maybe a bed. You hadn’t entirely worked out the arrangement and not knowing was just making him more nervous. Not just for himself either, for you as well. If he was nervous he could only imagine you were too. You were going to be facing questions as well, judgement from a new family. A family you didn’t even want to be part of. So he kept close to you all night. Because it’s easier to pretend to be a couple when you’re by his side and it’s easier to avoid tough conversations when he has the excuse of introducing you to someone else up his sleeve. And it’s so much easier to keep his folks away from you when he’s got your hand in his. He does circuits of the garden with you, chats to everyone with you, repeating the story of how you met and the fiction of how you started dating. And the whole time he’s trying to make sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself at least a little because you don’t even have actual feelings for him to push you on. He’d gladly endure first meetings with every single member of your family tree if you asked but he knows you’re only there because you have to be. Unfortunately, he’s also had a bit to drink so eventually he has to relieve himself, silently cursing his bladder because it means he has to leave you on your own. You don’t seem to mind too much. If anything, it feels like you’ve found your feet and are actually having a good night which he’s glad for. But he still goes as quick as he can.

He’s on his way back when he sees you and instantly realises something’s wrong. Your leg is bouncing so rapidly it’s a wonder you don’t knock the underside of the table, and you’re looking around as if you’re trying to find him. His first thought is that someone has said something inappropriate. There’s plenty of drunk cousins around and who knows what one of them might have said or done in a misguided attempt to be charming or impressive or flirtatious. But then he realises who you’re sitting next to and his stomach drops. So he hurries over to the table and takes the seat beside you, laying his hand on your knee to try to calm you. It works well enough for you to be able to sit there a little longer until he can find a reasonable excuse to leave the table and his mum. He’s not in the mood to be at the party anymore and leads you to the exit, politely waving off anyone who tries to convince you both to stay a little longer. “Better?” he asks once you’re outside, relieved when you say yes. “She mentioned us getting married,” “What? Why the fuck would that have come up?” Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d been prepared for a lot but not that. “It was just a passing comment but I….” “It’s okay, c’mon, let’s go home you can tell me everything.” Without thinking he pulled you into a hug, breathing out when he felt you lean into him.

By the time he got back to the house Ben wanted another drink. You’d sat under his arm the entire ride back, keeping quiet, obviously lost in thought as you absentmindedly played with his fingers. Every brush had made him want to take your hand properly and tilt your head up to kiss you, irresponsible and selfish as it might be. One of the upsides of being back home was knowing where his parents hid their best booze, so he dug out a bottle of his dad’s Johnnie Walker, feeling a little like a teenager again, pinching a drink to impress a girl. You laughed though so he counted it as a win. But the reason you were alone together, no longer at the party, was still weighing on him and clearly on you as well. “So what happened back there?” He handed you a glass and waited until you felt you could speak. “I guess it was just harder to be around your family than I was expecting.” Everything you said made sense he supposed. He’d not really considered it that way because he wasn’t so much lying as just playing pretend. But, as much as he wished you were on the same page, he understood where your guilt came from. He tried to make you laugh again but when it didn’t work he set his glass down and took your hand. “Seriously, Y/N, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. The premiere is coming up in a couple of weeks and then pretty soon after that we’ll break up and I’ll tell them it just wasn’t working. They’ll accept it and never have to know the truth. And then we can forget this whole thing and move on.” His chest tightened at the thought of it, not being allowed to even pretend to have you anymore but he clamped down on it for your sake. “But it must be hard for you too. Having me here and everything,” He half shrugged, looking down at where his thumb was brushing the back of your hand softly, “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” Ben glanced back at you, about to tell you it was sweet of you to care about how he was doing, but when he saw your expression he stopped.

He was a little shocked by the kiss, stumbling back a step or two, the warning siren blaring in his head again. Everything told him to run away and yet his feet were frozen in place. Joe had been right when he said he shouldn’t do this, and he’d been here before. It hadn’t gone well then so what made him think it would be better this time? But somehow he can’t find the words and you kiss him again and he decides he’s going to let it happen. He’s sick of trying to fight how badly he wants you and you clearly want this too. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be trying to undress him. He decides he’s going to let himself be selfish for once and just go with it. After the decisions made it all turns into a bit of a blur really. You’re leaning against the table and then he’s carrying you up to his room and it’s like every almost kiss, every missed opportunity and pent up moment you’d never let yourselves have is breaking all at once. You’re on his bed now and god he’s wanted you like this for so fucking long and who cares if it’s wrong. One night won’t matter. And he’s surprised by how wet you are when you pull his hand towards your cunt but he loves that you’re taking the initiative and that you clearly want him just as much as he wants you. You don’t tell him to stop. You tell him how to touch you, what feels good, and he loves that about you too. Even more than he loves how you sound saying his name as you clench on his fingers and shiver through your orgasm and fuck, he thought the whine from last time was a captivating sound but it has nothing on this, on how you sound when you cum for him. He’s going to be thinking about that moment, about you saying his name like that forever. He wants to be inside you, wants to hear it again, wants to make you feel even better and he’s forgotten where you are and how you got there so he leans over and realises this isn’t this room. This room isn’t as prepared as he’d like. For a moment he thinks that’s it and maybe it’s for the best except then you say you have condoms as you get up and rummage through your bags. He wants to know why – were you planning this or are you always just prepared like that? – except then you’re coming back towards him and he really doesn’t care why, just that you do. You climb on top of him and he feels breathless at the sight. He wants to worship you, every inch of you, and he wants to be as close as possible, pushing himself up to kiss you again because he loves you. He says it without meaning to but he doesn’t care, he’s just trying to get you to moan his name again, rubbing your clit until you’re both finished, breathing hard against each other. You’re kissing along his jaw and he wants to stay like that forever, blissed out and tangled in each other’s embrace. But reality rushes back, ignoring how desperately he’s trying to cling to the moment, and he realises how messy everything suddenly is. It hurts too. Knowing it’s not real, knowing that you don’t want what he wants. He remembers what he said just moments before, that confession whispered against your lips, and it makes him feel queasy with embarrassment on top of the heartache that’s already setting in. How many times does he have to put himself through this pain before he gets it through his head? It’s not reciprocated. It never will be. “I’ve gotta…” Ben nods his head in the direction of the door, hoping you’ll fill in the blank yourself. He wants to leave but he also wants to stay there with you, so he settles on shifting out of your reach and looking over at you, not quite able to meet your eye. “I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” Weren’t you? “Neither. Are you okay?” “Yeah. I, um, it was really good and I-I think I kind of needed it.” Ben tried to smile but it didn’t feel like it worked properly. Sure you needed it. A quick fuck to break the forced dry spell. He wanted to run from the room, flee the scene “It was good for me too. Really good. But it can’t ever happen again.” He averted his eyes again, focused on slipping back into his underwear. There was half a second where he looked around for his shirt before realising it was out at the table with the unfinished whiskies. He’d have to tidy up so no one would be able to work out what happened.

Ben downed what remained of both drinks, the burn of the alcohol a welcome distraction, though much too brief. He grabs his phone from the table, drops the glasses onto the kitchen sink and heads outside to throw the used condom into the garbage bin. As if he was going to leave the evidence of his cowardice and misjudgement inside for anyone to find. Ben turned to head back towards the door, but he didn’t want to walk through it. Inside he’d have to face you and he wasn’t sure how to do that yet. Instead he walked down the sideway into the backyard, taking a seat on the retaining wall by the flower bed of peonies. It’s not exactly warm sitting there in just his boxers and his fingers shake a little as he unconsciously find’s Joe’s name in his contacts. Joe must be busy or asleep or something (What’s the time difference again?) because he doesn’t pick up. Instead the call goes to voicemail. “Joe, it’s Ben here. Um… you’re gonna laugh so hard when you hear how fucking stupid I am,” Ben forces a laugh himself, “So I, uh, I just told Y/N that I love her….again….while we were having sex.” A pause as it sank in, “I’m not even sure how it…how we got to… We were just talking and then we were in bed and…. But it’s okay because I told her it could never happen again,” Ben thinks of how affectionate you’d been after, kissing his jaw and his nose, clinging to him, but it wasn’t real, it was just your post-sex, post-orgasm mood. He starts to laugh, less false but not entirely natural either, “I have to drive back with her tomorrow. Christ. Talk about bad timing, huh. But it’s fine though, it’s fine, totally fine. Joe, it’s fine. Because it wasn’t real. We’ve both been pent up and she spent all day with my family and had to listen to my mum talk about us maybe getting married. This was her reward. And that’s all it was. And I’m the idiot for hoping it could ever be more than that. I mean it’s not like friends don’t sometimes fuck, right? Especially when they’ve been drinking and pretending to date. Sex doesn’t have to mean feelings and it doesn’t for her and that’s fine.” There was that tight feeling in his chest again. Ben cleared his throat. “The drive will give me a chance to tell her it was a mistake. Because it was. This whole thing was a mistake. It was a mistake to fuck her and it was a mistake to bring her to meet my family and it was a mistake to pretend to date her and the biggest mistake of all of them was falling for her. And I haven’t been doing enough to reverse that. I know I said I have been, but I haven’t. I got caught up in the maybes and what ifs and I didn’t really try to move on. But now I…. It’s gotta fucking end sometime. I can’t keep doing this. So I’ve got to tell her it was a mistake and I don’t love her. Maybe I never did. Maybe I’m the same as her and it was all just because I was horny. Whatever. Now I can move on with my life. She doesn’t love me and I don’t love her and she’ll just be some bitch I nailed and we’ll both be happy, right?” Ben sighed and swiped at his blurry eyes. He’s not sure if the voicemail cut out midway through his thought process but it probably doesn’t matter. Movement from upstairs catches his eye. You in his old bedroom, getting dressed and leaving the room. He’s a little worried that if he heads back inside now he’ll bump into you on your way to get a drink from the kitchen but he can’t sit outside in the chill air all night. He takes a breath and swipes his knuckle over his eyes again before heading back inside, creeping towards the bedroom. You weren’t anywhere to be seen, though he guesses that means you’re in the bathroom. When he reached the bedroom again, he dug into the closet and pulled out a number of spare blankets, stealing a pillow from the bed. It’s not a particularly comfortable nest that he makes but it’s warm and doesn’t smell as much like you as the bed does. The pillow still holds a trace of you, but he flips it over and the scent is gone. He’s there when you get back, already pretending to sleep, curled in on himself facing away from you. “Ben?” He squeezes his eyes tighter shut, listening as you flick off the light and tiptoe back towards the bed. There’s a creak of springs as you get comfortable and then another as you move again. “Ben?” Your voice sounds even softer that time and Ben is tempted to answer but he bites his tongue. “Ben I-I…. Goodnight.” There’s another creak as you settle back down again. Ben lies perfectly still until he’s sure you aren’t going to move again. He doesn’t want to hear whatever you’re trying to say. It’ll just be everything he already knows. So he keeps quiet and feigns sleep in the hopes that real sleep will bring it’s respite sooner rather than later.

                                                      ***

Ben’s phone rang and he admonished himself for hoping it was you. He was meant to be getting over you. Besides, the hope was misplaced. It was his mum. “How did Y/N’s audition go?” “Uh,” It took him a moment to remember the excuse he’d made up, “yeah, well I think.” “She’s lovely, Ben. I’m glad you finally let us meet her,” “Yeah,” He didn’t know how else to respond but his mother didn’t need much more encouragement than that. “You should bring her back soon, I’d love to have more of a chance to get to know her. It was a bit hard with so many people there.” “Yeah, um, I’d have to check when we’re free.” He said, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m sure you could find one night for us,” “Yeah. But there’s the premier coming soon and we’ve both got auditions and meetings lined up so I don’t know for sure. But let me talk to Y/N and we’ll find a day that works.” “Maybe a weekend? You could stay for a couple of days then, wouldn’t have to rush off.” “We’ll see. Depends.” “Don’t leave it too long honey,” “I won’t mum. Sorry, I’ve got to run, expecting a call back about something.” “Alright, love you,” “Love you too mum,” Ben threw his phone to the other side of the couch and sighed. He’d been expecting that call but that didn’t make it any easier to get through. Not when he’d spent the last few days thinking about that night and everything that had happened. The way your lips felt on his, the way you’d looked sitting on his lap, the way you’d sounded when you came. He shook his head as if he were an etch-a-sketch but the thoughts didn’t disappear, they just morphed into thoughts of later, in the car on the way home. How you’d nodded when he’d said he didn’t love you, clearly overjoyed with the news but trying not to show it.

 Ben hadn’t gone cold turkey with you, there was still some contact, but he refrained from anything too unnecessary, spent as much time as he could with his other friends, and tried to keep any replies to you as simple as possible. Unfortunately his parents was less restrained. A few days later his mum called again, checking if he’d had a chance to invite you over yet. The day after he received a message from his dad suggesting he come down for lunch on the weekend (and encouraging him to bring you along), and then a couple days after that there was another call, one which he ignored. Every time he was thrown back to that night. But not even ignoring the calls helped. It just left him dwelling on everything and it didn’t even deter them. When next his mum called he found himself in yet another conversation on the topic and only just managed to stop himself from hanging up in her ear. He couldn’t do it anymore. It was pointless, all of it. The part of him that had thought you’d fall for him if you slept together had been proven wrong so there was nothing left to hope for. But with his family and friends thinking you were dating, always asking after you, and with you texting him memes and requesting his help, how was he meant to move on? What he needed was a clean break. But the breakup wasn’t scheduled until after the premiere and it wasn’t like a date had been set, it was up to the studio or your agents or someone else. And Ben wasn’t sure how he’d be able to wait it out that long.

 A breakthrough came in an email from Peter, an update about the movie Ben had signed on for. Originally it was meant to film in England, but those plans were in the process of changing. Part of it would still be done around London but now it seemed a big portion of the filming would happen in Spain too. Peter seemed unsure as to how this change would clash with the plans for the breakup but Ben saw it as the opportunity he needed. He wouldn’t be leaving until after the premiere anyway so it wouldn’t change your last public appearance together, but it would also work as the clean break he’d been looking for. Plus, as he reasoned to Peter, they could use the distance as an excuse for why the breakup happened. Peter seemed to like the idea and agreed that the change of location wouldn’t affect anything enough to make Ben drop out. Ben was relieved, having been excited about the project since he first picked up the script, and began looking forward to getting away from you properly. Being in a completely different country would give him the time and space he needed to stop thinking about you. It would be easy to sever all ties to you and get on a plane and move on, maybe meet someone who could drive you from his mind. He’d have to break up with you though, not just through the press but as a friend too. He couldn’t have you texting him while he was away or commenting on photos he posted online. It had to be complete. He had to remove you from his life entirely. After the premiere would be a good time to tell you. He’d pull you aside at the party or maybe tell you in the limo on the way home. It’d be hard to explain but you’d understand. She’s probably been wondering how to get rid of you anyway. Surely, you’d be pleased to hear he was going to leave you alone, not bother you with his stupid feelings anymore. You’d agree it was for the best.

                                                      ***

The night of the premiere snuck up on Ben. He’d been distracted with warding off his parents every invitation, on top of sorting out everything for his trip to Spain. Before he knew it the night had arrived making him feel equal parts excited about seeing the final product of what he’d spent so many months working on and anxious about seeing you. All he could think about was what he was going to say to you. He felt bad about cutting you from his life but there was relief too, knowing it’d be over soon. As he dressed in the suit his stylist had picked out he went over the speech he’d mentally written. It’s just a breakup, you’ve done it before. Tell her you’re sorry but you can’t see her anymore. That’s all you have to do. So, it was with this confusing mixture of emotions that he got into the limo and he only felt more ill at ease as he approached your place to pick you up. “You look lovely,” he said as you climbed into the car beside him. It came out more robotic than he meant it to. But there was a sense that this was the last time he’d be allowed to properly look at you so, while you were getting settled and taking in the interior of the limousine, he allowed himself a final chance to look you over. A hundred other adjectives to describe how beautiful you were, all dressed up and glowing, popped into his head but he kept those to himself. He couldn’t second guess his decision now. It was the only way to stop caring about you. And yet, he could feel his resolve crumbling just from being near you for the first time in weeks. No. Don’t let her get to you. This is why you can’t be in contact. Ben felt his hand curl into a fist as he reminded himself how useful the space would be. What he needed was some rules, guidelines to follow to help him stick to his plan. He ignored the irony as he came up with them. No holding hands. Actually, make that no physical contact. No voluntary physical contact anyway. He was bound to be asked by someone to take a photo with you or appear on camera with you and he couldn’t refuse if they asked for him to touch you or kiss you or anything. Do as many interviews as you can without her. That would hopefully keep interactions to a minimal. Don’t look at her during the movie.

 It was surprisingly easy to stick to the rules as you both made your way down the red carpet, but he knew it wasn’t so much his choice as it was how busy and noisy and chaotic everything was. People called his name from every side, reporters looking for quick interviews, fans looking for autographs or photos. He was able to sidestep you easily, answering questions that were thrown at him on his own until someone asked if they could speak to you both at once or get a photo of you together. Whenever you were waved over to join him, he attempted to maintain as much space as he could, but you seemed to have set your own rules just to make it harder for him. You took his hand, leant your head on his shoulder, stood so close your leg brushed against his, stroked your hand over his arm, anything and everything you could to be closer to him. Ben wasn’t sure if you really were acting more affectionate (clingy and needy) than normal or if it just felt that way because he was attempting to hold back. He put up with it though, unable to do much besides press on to the next interview without you. The hardest part was when you reached a bank of photographers who wanted a number of photos of the happy couple. Someone called out for him to kiss you and then suddenly the entire crowd was calling for it. He kept it soft and brief, though a part of him regretted not making the final kiss you’d share better.

 After that he was able to escape you for a little, talking to people as everyone gathered in the theatre to watch the movie. He didn’t look at you again until he was on stage with you, introducing the film and saying his words of gratitude and celebration. But even that didn’t last long and then he was able to take his seat and focus his attention on the screen. Watching himself was always a bit of a weird experience. Part enjoying what he’s helped create, part critiquing his performance, and part wondering why it had been edited the way it had been edited. But somehow it was even stranger sitting beside you and watching you play at being in love with him. He recognised expressions, small smiles and looks, that you’d given him on dates during the course of your relationship. Just proof of how fake everything with you was. It left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and an oddly jealous feeling in his gut. And he could feel you looking at him but he stuck to his rules and kept his eyes fixed ahead.

 He turned to his other side afterwards to talk to Alfie, wondering aloud how everyone would react to the movie and laughing about how well it had turned out. Ben couldn’t think what to say to you, knowing the inevitable end was coming. It was closer now that everyone was heading to the after party. So he was grateful when Alfie joined the two of you in your car. “You two ready to party?” He laughed, “Fuck I love that work gives me such a good excuse to get plastered.” Ben laughed along but he was stuck by the realisation that of course there’d be drinking. He’d have to watch how much he had, especially around you. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret or not be able to explain himself properly. “I think shots are in order to get us started. Meet you both by the bar?” “Sounds like a plan Al,” “I’m making yours a double Jones. We’ll have him dancing on the table by the end of the night, right Y/N?” “Oh I’d love to see that.” Cameras flashed as the small group got out of the car. Alfie headed off down the line, catching up with one of the others, leaving Ben and you on your own. Ben felt you press into his side, hanging off his arm, and thought about what waited in the club. Alfie with shots followed by champagne and cocktails and whatever else would be pressed on him during the night. He didn’t want to blurt it out or let it slip in front of other people. He had to tell you before he’d had anything to drink, just in case. It was now. It had to happen now.

 As soon as he was inside, Ben looked around for somewhere he could have a quiet word with you, somewhere no one was likely to overhear. A nearby mirrored hallways seemed the perfect place. Everyone else was busy heading into the main room and it was out of view of the photographers still hanging around outside, waiting for the stragglers to show up. “Can I speak to you over hear a sec?” he lead you around the corner, looking around to double check for eavesdroppers, “So, there’s something I need to…Y/N?” he realised you hadn’t been paying attention, probably keen to get inside and celebrate. “Yeah, sorry, Um…” Ben didn’t hear what you said next, too busy trying to remember everything he wanted to tell you, “I was going to hold off until later but I don’t want to let something slip after a few drinks or anything like that. I can’t do this anymore. This whole thing was a mistake that I should never have agreed to and I need it to be over now.” He could see how confused you were, “You know they’re going to break us up in like a week, right?” “Yeah well, that’s too long to wait. I’m breaking us up now.” He kept talking, sure the shock of it would wear off and you’d agree with him once you’d heard it all, “And…I don’t think I can see you again, not for a while at least. I need some space to forget this ever happened. I, um, I start my new job in a few days so I think they’ll probably use that in the magazines to explain our breakup. And I don’t expect I’ll see you until after it’s finished. If then. So…good luck with that witch movie. Take care of yourself.” He didn’t want to hear you agree with him, didn’t want to hear you say it was for the best or that you were going to suggest the same thing or even a goodbye. So he pushed past you and followed the noise until he found the bar. As promised Alfie was there, with a few others, a shot glass in each hand. He handed one to Ben. “Where’d Y/N go?” “Oh, uh, loo. She’ll be here in a minute.” “Well here’s to a job well done and hopefully some fucking record breaking box office numbers,” “Cheers to that,” Ben clinked his glass against Alfie’s and downed the shot, hissing a little, “another?” “Read my mind,” Ben lost himself in conversation and drinks, chatting with those around him for a while before moving on to talk to more people. Beer in hand, he headed towards the side of the room where a couple of the other main cast were sitting. Claudia looked up as he approached, “Heya Ben! Where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her all night,” It was only then that Ben realised he hadn’t seen you come in after he’d left you in the hallway. He glanced around in an attempt to spot you, a pang of worry shooting through him but then he stopped looking. She’s not yours to worry about anymore.

                                                      ***

Ben woke up with a minor hangover the day after the premiere. Maybe it was karma. Despite what he told himself, he’d kept an eye out for you all night, but never saw you and he was more than a little worried that it was because of what he’d said. It was tempting to call and ask where you’d gotten to but a quick glance at the clock told him you’d likely still be asleep anyway. Besides, he knew he shouldn’t. He’d told you he wasn’t going to see you again and he intended to stick to his word. Instead he sent a group message to his mates and invited them around for one last hang out before he left for Spain. The next call he made was to his mum. “Hi honey. How’d the premiere go? “It was really fun, movie looks good.” “How long before you fly out?” “Couple of days,” “Shame there’s not enough time for you and Y/N to come over for dinner,” “Yeah, um, about that… we broke up.” “What? Why?” “It just wasn’t working. Mutual decision, we both felt it had run its course but decided to keep it quiet until after the premiere. So, yeah, no dinner, even if I was going to be in the country.” “Oh, honey, are you okay?” “Yeah, fine. Like I said, we both knew it was coming so y’know, no hard feelings or anything.” “It’s a shame, she was so lovely,” “Yeah, well, sometimes things just don’t work the way you think they will.”

The boys arrived in the afternoon, bringing a mixture of snacks and a few beers with them. They settled in the living room to play video games. Ben liked the company. It was a good distraction. Or it would have been if talk hadn’t turned to you. “Bit surprised you wanted us here and not Y/N. Figured you’d spend your last days in the UK with her,” “Why would I when we broke up?” “You what? When?” Ben shrugged, “We broke up. Few days ago,” “Jesus man, I’m sorry,” “Don’t be, it’s fine. I dumped her.” “Yeah but you had to go to the premiere with her right? That’s rough,” “Was a bit but there was an open bar so I coped,” Ben laughed. “Might be time we got him back on the market then,” “What? We only broke up a couple of days ago,” “You’re clearly not too cut up about it,” “What the fuck would you know, you’ve been single for what is it, three years now?” “Well you didn’t tell us when it happened, and you never even told us when you got together. We found out through a magazine, so obviously you weren’t really that serious about her” “We were waiting until after all the movie stuff was done, and that’s bollocks.” “Excuses. Besides, getting someone new to suck you off is the best way to forget an ex. This is your phone right?” “Oi give that back,” There was a scuffle as Ben tried to grab his phone back but he was outnumbered and pinned down as the boys redownloaded his Bumble app and signed in for him, laughing about how he used the same password for everything. “She’s fit, give her a like,” “Oh I like her, might be a bit tall for you though Ben,” Ben rolled his eyes as he watched them swipe on profile after profile until they heard a noise that meant one of the girls had sent him a message. “There you go Ben, didn’t take long did it. You’ll forget all about that Y/N chick in no time,” Ben snatched his phone back, “You guys are such wankers,” “That’s not very nice considering we’ve just got you a new girl,” There was laughter and more teasing as controllers were passed around and the game was loaded. Ben closed the app, thumb hovering over it to delete it again. But maybe they were right. Maybe someone new would be good. He set the phone down again and turned his attention to the game.

                                                      ***

Spain was beautiful and having a new movie to work on was the perfect distraction, especially considering how many stunts, fight scenes, and action sequences were involved. It gave him a chance to meet more people in the industry, people he was excited to work with, and really focus on something other than you. The cast went out together frequently too, dinners at local restaurants, drinks in the hotel bar, getting lost in an unfamiliar city. There was no trace of you there, no reminders of date nights, nothing but work and a new country to explore. Occasionally he’d get a notification that a reporter or curious individual was trying to message him, asking questions about you and the split but he ignored them. Ben deleted the Bumble app too within the first few days, knowing he wouldn’t use it. There was no time, even if he’d wanted to hook up with anyone. He could always reinstall it once he was back home. Once he knew you were in the past. Because the problem was that at some point every night, Ben would get back to his hotel suite and be left alone again. For a while he’d be able to think about what scenes would be filmed the next day, maybe practice some fight choreography. But eventually he’d run out of distractions and then all that was left to think about was you. Peter had sent through the first articles that reported the breakup and since then he’d found himself wondering if you’d moved on yet, found someone else to date now that you were allowed to. He’d considered checking your Instagram account but had held off, knowing it was a step in the wrong direction. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. He hadn’t gotten over you enough yet to deal with photos of you and another man together.

 This night was much the same as the others had been. Everyone met up for dinner, followed by a couple of drinks and then headed back to the hotel to unwind. Ben decided to call it an early night. He’d spent a good part of the day hooked up to harnesses and wires, being flung at a wall over and over. He was sore and tired figured some extra rest would do him good. He was just settling into bed, trying to keep his mind on the TV show he’d put on when he heard the knock. He listened closely for a moment but it couldn’t be for him, he’d put up a do not disturb sign on his door, so he turned back to the TV and flicked to a different channel. Another knock. It definitely sounded like his door but who would it be? Maybe one of the other actors? But they’d all heard him say he was going to have an early night, so surely not. Again Ben ignored it. The third knock got Ben out of bed, stumbling to the light switch and then the door, ready to politely tell whoever it was to fuck off and let him rest. “Sorry but can you not see the do not dis- Y/N? What ar-” Ben was surprised. Surprised you knew where he was, surprised you’d come there after he’d told you he didn’t want to see you, surprised that you were covering his mouth to shut him up. “You wouldn’t reply to my texts and I didn’t know if you’d listen to any voicemails I left you but I have something I need to tell you so that’s why I’m here.” There was a beat as Ben waited to hear what could be so important that you’d come all the way to Spain to tell him. “I love you.” He gasped but your palm was still over his mouth so he couldn’t say anything. It had to be a joke, didn’t it? But you didn’t look like you were joking. He waited, listening as you explained everything. It was wonderful to know you felt the same but his shock didn’t lessen. He’d been so sure about everything. So sure about how little you’d felt for him, so sure you would have understood why he needed space. And now you were here telling him the exact opposite? It was unfathomable. Maybe it was a hallucination? Maybe he’d got a concussion when he hit the wall too hard earlier. Does concussion make you hallucinate? But blinking didn’t make you disappear and the hand against his mouth felt real enough. “I’ve missed you so much, so fucking much, and all I’ve wanted is to see you again and hear your voice and hug you and I’d really like to date you for real, or at least be friends again because not having you in my life is complete shit.” Ben felt tears prickling his eyes as he realised how backwards he’d had it. You loved him. You. Y/N. You loved him so much you’d flown to Spain just to tell him. “That’s all I had to say,” you said softly, pulling you hand away. Ben staired in disbelief for a moment but you looked as if you were fighting the urge to run for it and it brought him back to his senses. “Thank god,” it was all he could think to say as he reached out to hold you, pulling you tight against him and kissing you the way he’d wanted to kiss you for so long. Relief flooded his system when you kissed back. He didn’t have to forget you or force himself to move on. It had been an impossible task anyway. He was glad to stop trying.

 It’s only when someone makes a noise further down the corridor that he lets you go, asks if you planned to stay, lead you inside and towards the couch. There were things he needed to clear up first, before he could let himself be fully happy with the situation. He looks at you properly then. You look tired, worn out. He’s not sure if it’s from the late hour or the flight or because you’ve not been sleeping properly but it makes him feel guilty that he upset you. He hates that he pushed you away and wasted months trying to get rid of you when you’d both actually wanted the same thing, to be together. But you’re here now. He reached out to brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, almost dizzy with joy that he could do that. “I’m really sorry for how I acted,” You smiled softly as you took a seat and Ben fell into the spot beside you, unable to take his eyes from you. He lets you lead the conversation, trying to sort out his mess of emotions as he explains himself. I thought if I told you I’d never been into you, acted like it, then I could make it true.” “Did it work?” “Of course not,” How could you ever think it would work? That he could just forget you so fast, after he’d fallen for you so hard? “Which is why I pushed you away.” You nodded, seemed to understand where he’d been coming from. He hesitated before reaching out to grab your hand again, a little afraid of touching you lest you turn to smoke and vanish. But you didn’t. He stifled a yawn, hoping you wouldn’t take it as his disinterest in the conversation. He’d stay up as long for as long as it took to go over everything, no matter how tired he was. “Has there been anyone else?” “Anyone else what?” “I saw a thing about you dating again,” That was surprising, not what he’d expected you to bring up. He hadn’t even realised it had been reported on. But he shook his head, explained about his friends encouraging him to move on. It seemed to satisfy you because you leant on his shoulder, let him hold you. He apologised when he yawned again, about to suggest he put a pot of coffee on so he could keep talking. But then you suggested going to bed and he had to agree.

 As soon as his head hit the pillow Ben knew he’d fall asleep fast. Even with the excitement of your arrival and the buzz of joy you brought. He kept his eyes on you. Everything seemed too good to be true. You grabbed his hand and placed it around you, shuffling as close as you could. “You’re actually here, yeah? I’m not just dreaming it?” Ben asked, voicing aloud his biggest worry. “I’m here Ben.” She’s here. In your bed. “Don’t leave, okay?” “I won’t.” She’s here and she’s staying. “I love you,” he needed to say it again, to make sure you knew that he still felt the same. “I love you too,” It was comforting to hear you say it again too, made his heart burst as he kissed you again. He didn’t want to stop but he was much to tired to do anything else. Still, he fought sleep for as long as he could. He’d lost so much time being apart from you that, now he had you back in his arms, sleep felt like a waste of precious hours. Hours he could spend kissing you, being with you, making sure you felt loved. He couldn’t fight it forever though, eventually had to give up. The last thing he saw before he shut his eyes was you, smiling at him, as you lay beside him.

                                                      ***

It had been a long day what with moving you into his house. Even after the boxes were inside and everyone who had been helping out had gone home, there was still a lot to do. Everything needed to be unpacked and put away. Ben had been clearing space on all his shelves and in all his cupboards to fit everything you’d brought with you. Plus there was new furniture from Ikea to unpack and construct. Like the chest of draws he’d been working on before he got up to stretch his legs and grab a glass of water. He caught sight of the magazines that had been left in the kitchen and, chuckling at their stories of marriage and babies, stacked them in a neat pile before he grabbed his drink. As he walked back through the living room he saw you, curled up on the floor beside the box you’d been working through. “Y/N?” Ben shook your shoulder to wake you, trying not to laugh as you blink at him groggily, still half asleep. “Alright, cuddle bunny, up you get. Time for bed, yeah?” “But the boxes,” you argued though it was unenthusiastic and slurred with sleep. “The boxes will be there tomorrow. C’mon, come with me,” Ben half carried you to the bedroom and helped you under the covers, leaving you with a kiss on the forehead before heading back to the draws he was halfway through building.

 By the time he was finished putting the draws together Ben was feeling fairly tired himself. He moved the spare screws off the floor so no one would step on them and then headed back to the bedroom. You were still there, sleeping soundly. Ben paused in the doorway to look at you. It was a sight he loved, you in his bed. The first time you stayed over and slept in his bed rather than the guest room had been a monumental occasion though the novelty of it had worn off a bit now, especially with how frequently you’d stayed at each other’s places before the move. But still, he’d never get sick of seeing you beside him, where you belonged. Same as he’d never get sick of making you tea or trying to convince you to eat an actual breakfast or making you laugh. It was in that moment, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom you now shared, one wall lined with boxes of your belongings yet to be put away, it was then that he knew he wanted to marry you. Have a family with you, spend his life with you. He’d go out and buy a ring once you were moved in properly, though he could hear his friends telling him to wait a little longer, see how everything was living with you first. But that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t have to give it to you straight away after all. But he knew that was what he wanted with you. And now that you were together, after so much time and trouble, he never wanted to let you go.

#my writing #my fics #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy smut #its currenty 1am #i have to be up for work in about 5 hours #this took longer to edit than i thought it would #(probably because its 22 effing words long lmao) #but here you go! #its done! #i think some of my formatting went a little janky when i was copying it into this post #but whateveri think its just added extra line breaks between paragraphs #so it should still be readable #anyway #im gonna pass out now #i'll see you tomorrow when i come to complain about work