#we cannot ever beat death but we carry on regardless

[greatmuldini]

The Iron Harp

We’re all in prison together, Johnny, one way or the other.

Act 1

Outwardly, Joseph O'Conor's play is a simple tale of love and loss in times of war: set in rural Ireland in early April of 1920, the action takes place on the property of an English industrialist whose mansion has been taken over by a contingent of IRA volunteers. Their leader is Michael O'Riordan, a gifted poet-musician in civilian life and conveniently the peace-time manager of the Englishman's estate. Michael has recently been wounded in action; now blind as a result he is no longer on active duty but still responsible for an English prisoner of war. Being a man of his word, Captain John Tregarthen has made no attempt to escape, earning Michael's trust and eventually his friendship. He also earns the friendship and love of Michael’s cousin Molly Kinsella, with whom he spends long days roaming the extensive grounds of his idyllic prison. Dreaming of a future life together, the lovers are oblivious to the feelings of their “best friend” – who ends up sacrificing his love for Molly in what he hopes will be a lasting gesture of selflessness only to find that Fate intervenes, with devastating consequences for them all.

Completing the quartet of characters is the dark and “indistinct” figure of IRA commander Sean Kelly, a dark and "indistinct" figure who emerges from the shadows to immediately assert his authority not only in military matters but - crucially, and disturbingly - in those of the heart as well. Specifically, it is the heart of Michael O’Riordan that Kelly claims to know better than O’Riordan himself. As a flesh-and-blood character Kelly is difficult to pin down: cold and calculating by his own admission, he expresses admiration for Michael's hot-blooded fighting spirit. Michael's own startled response to Kelly entering "like Nemesis himself" is ambiguous at best, and even his description of Kelly as a “good friend” comes on the back of a warning to Johnny that "he won't like you."

When Kelly tells Michael that he has never been wrong and does not know what it means to feel regret, the sense of foreboding is inescapable, yet Michael never seems to give in to the negativity emanating from his old wartime comrade who admonishes him to see his friends “as they really are” and not as “you want to see them.” Ironically, Michael refuses to see an enemy in John Tregarthen, but he is equally stubborn in applying the same criteria of honour, loyalty, and friendship to Sean Kelly, who seems troubled by this flaw in Michael’s character: "you love people too much."

Michael's emotional warmth stands in stark contrast to Kelly's impersonation of infallibility - which Michael seems to accept as a token of his friend's unassailable integrity. He continues to defer to Kelly's judgment when a messenger arrives with bad news from the front: three IRA fighters have been killed in skirmishes with British forces, and reprisals must be carried out. Twisting the metaphorical knife in the very real emotional wound, Kelly as the commanding officer nominates blind Michael to be the impartial instrument of God's justice. Forced to select three victims for execution, Michael all but collapses when one of the chosen names is that of Captain John Tregarthen.

Act 2

After he has persuaded Johnny to flee the country and reunite with Molly back in England, Michael is left alone to guard the now empty house. Blind and unable to defend himself, Michael is powerless against two marauding Black & Tans who break into the property and proceed to taunt and abuse the solitary occupant. It does not take them long to realize their victim is an IRA member rather than a civilian enjoying certain protections. Further violence is prevented only by the surprise return of Captain Tregarthen, armed and in uniform, who holds the attacker at gunpoint until Kelly and his entourage arrive to take the men away. Where any other human being would have expressed relief or gratitude at the discovery that the life of his friend has been saved, Kelly’s reaction is characteristically impassive, betraying, if anything, a degree of irritation at the unforeseen complication that has shown the condemned prisoner – the enemy – to be capable of compassion and self-sacrifice in saving the life of his friend. Human qualities that Kelly explicitly claims not to possess. As if to prove the point, he responds with the formal announcement of Tregarthen’s impending execution.

The order is to be carried out within three days, enough time for Kelly to travel to headquarters - and return with a firing squad. But first he must interrogate the captured Tans. While Kelly is thus occupied, Molly manages to convince the love of her life to take her with him. Johnny only agrees to the plan on the promise that Michael will convince Kelly to rescind the execution. If Johnny and Molly can make their way to Belfast on the early morning goods train, and from there to England, all will be well. Michael knows how to distract the guards, and Molly can bribe the train driver to let Johnny jump aboard. Three loud whistles will give the all-clear. With hopes of future happiness rekindled, Molly and Johnny each rush off to their respective tasks, and Michael is left alone with three empty glasses that he cannot see – a detail that does not escape Kelly’s notice as he re-joins Michael to formally accept his plea for clemency. Which he says he will duly submit to "the general," but in his estimation the chances of success are slim. "For God's sake, don't build up hope," he tells Michael before agonizing – to himself – over how to soften the blow for Michael: by bringing the execution forward and keeping it secret, he is certain he can spare Michael the pain and the guilt of having to witness the event.

Act 3

In the pre-dawn hours of the following day, Michael and Johnny are wide awake and waiting for the sentries to change and the train to whistle. Thinking the house empty and their enemies far away, they pass the time in a dreamlike state of high anxiety, reciting heroic poems and melancholy songs in whispering voices, so as not to miss the stroke of six to mark the end of their nightmare and the beginning of a new life – only to see Kelly standing in the door, with orders for Johnny to be executed at dawn, 24 hours earlier than they were told originally. Michael's world is falling apart, he pleads with Kelly, he begs him to show mercy, but an almost equally distressed Kelly reminds him that "I have never promised you hope." Johnny declines the comfort of a priest or minister and is led away to meet his fate offstage while, also offstage, Molly will be waiting in vain for the love of her life to board a train that will never arrive.

Left on stage for their final confrontation are Michael and his Nemesis, both knowing full well that nothing they can do or say will change what Kelly might term the preordained outcome of their efforts. To Michael's accusation of "trickery" (by which he means Kelly's surprise return before the agreed time), Kelly offers no subterfuge, no defence, and no evasion. Instead, he says, Michael’s agony is self-inflicted: it was, in fact, his own stubborn insistence on hoping against hope that has now led to anguish and pain. The only way for Michael to end all suffering, Kelly explains, is to give up hope. Unless he manages to see past the private pain of the moment and becomes a distant observer, Michael will forever be "tortured by hope."

Here Kelly is borrowing from the Conte Cruel tradition made famous by Edgar Allan Poe but named after a collection of short stories by the French symbolist writer Auguste Villiers de l'Isle-Adam. A useful definition of the genre is that it concerns "any story whose conclusion exploits the cruel aspects of the irony of fate." Not only does Kelly borrow the concept, and the title from Villiers' tale, The Torture of Hope, he even recounts the plot to underline his point:a hapless victim of the Inquisition escapes his prison cell only to stumble into the arms of the Chief Inquisitor. The lesson for Michael is that, like the victim, he keeps on hoping for release only to suffer defeat over and over again. There are no similarities, however, between himself and the sadistic Inquisitor, Kelly says: his mission is to ease Michael'ssuffering, not to prolong it.

We are given no reason to doubt Kelly’s sincerity, but neither can we reconcile the apparent contradiction between his declared intention and putting Michael’s best friend before a firing squad. If Kelly wants to end all suffering, as he says, surely, a good start would be to save Captain Tregarthen’s life? It is the argument that Michael himself is trying to make, by reminding Kelly of his god-like powers. Michael’s understanding of those powers differs fundamentally from Kelly’s own. Michael’s life-affirming principle of hope and Kelly’s seductive all-consuming fatalism are the two opposing philosophies that take centre stage in the final scene – while John Tregarthen dies a largely symbolic death offstage.

Johnny’s death is symbolic in that it is not the tragedy at the heart of the play. Michael O’Riordon is the conventional male protagonist whose existential crisis we are witnessing; Michael is unable to prevent the execution of his best friend; and to make that very point, his best friend must die. Michael’s blindness contributes to this failure in the course of the play but read as a metaphor it turns Michael into “one of us.” His blindness leaves him vulnerable to attack and it echoes our own sense of powerlessness in the face of an overwhelmingly hostile universe. The reverse, however, is also true: being blind, and being a poet, puts Michael in the illustrious company of the Blind Bard, an archetype of Western literature since at least the (mythical) time of Homer: the blind singer/seer whose “inner vision” surpasses that of sighted humanity. His Irish equivalent – and explicit model for Michael - is the (dwarf) Harper of Finn, whose iron-stringed instrument has the power to move its audience to tears. Michael O’Riordon is both vulnerable and endowed with the superpower of emotional insight – fundamentally human qualities that Kelly admires in Michael, and which he admits he does not possess.

Kelly is an abstract concept in human form; even while he is evidently the cause of human suffering, in his denial he appears to be channelling the sadistic Inquisitor. The apparent contradiction is of our own making, though: Kelly is Cruel Fate personified. He represents that which we like to imagine as the source of all our woes - the betrayals, the injustices, the disappointments which inevitably end in what we define as tragedy and what to the rest of the universe, that hostile universe, is of no consequence whatsoever. If we substitute “hostile” with “indifferent,” then Kelly becomes the antithesis to Michael’s humanity – his indifference is as inhuman as the infinite, indifferent universe. Conversely, Michael is not concerned with an infinite universe; his frame of reference is on a human scale, and very finite. Finite. When Kelly challenges Michael to take his place and adopt his abstract, God-like perspective on life, death, and the universe, Michael does reject the responsibility – but also the indifference required for the position. If the promise of a pain-free existence did not convince Michael to abandon hope, Kelly's failure to shame him into admitting defeat is a testament, at the very least, to human perseverance: we will forever be prolonging the agony to delay the inevitable. (1/4)

#Patrick McGoohan #Patrick Macnee #Katharine Blake #Douglas Campbell #played the four characters in #The Iron Harp #on Canadian TV in 1959 #the plan was to explain EVERYTHING in one brilliant post #well the good news is there will be four posts now wahoo #but I'm already posting out of order because I can't decide on the illustration to go with the historical background #as for the play itself #if you have made it this far and you still care #whether the characters are consistent with the general message the author is trying to convey #your powers of perseverance are truly heroic #the problem I think is that the story does not always align with the metaphor #which I still maintain is the human condition #we cannot ever beat death but we carry on regardless #is it just me or does that cryptic cry from #Free for All #obey me and be free #sound like something the evil Inquisitor or Sean Kelly would say #For Fleetstreetpauline #miss you always

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Omg omg omg I almost missed the ask box being open! First of all though: thank you ever so much for all your hard work.

My question is this: I really like Mpreg fics. And I remember reading one where Derek thought Stiles rejected him and the baby. Only Stiles didn't even know male werewolves could get pregnant. I can find fics with this trope where it's Stiles who is pregnant but not the other way around

I think so!

Naps are nature’s way of reminding you that life is nice by FicLogia

(1/1 I 3,033 I General)

Melissa puts the patient chart away and comes closer to the omega. “It’s normal to change your mind. Especially for someone in your position.” Young, unmated, barely graduated. The omega ob-gyn has seen it one too many times.

Derek shakes his head, runs a hand over the arc of his belly, relishing the feel of it, a quiet sigh escaping his lips. “I want this baby. We wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Then why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Little Dash Of Pink by AsagiStilinski

(1/1 I 4,790 I Teen)

Derek always thought those stories he heard about male pregnancies in his family were just old wives' tales and bad jokes

Suddenly, that's no longer true, and he's not too sure how to tell his husband

ay it out loud, love by pineneedlepants

(4/? I 29,137 I Teen)

When Derek first finds out, it's a rainy thursday that reflects his mood perfectly. He's been oddly dizzy lately, with bouts of nausea that don't make any sense to him, and he's pretty sure he's never slept as much as he is now, not even as a carefree teenager. He thumps his forehead gently against the table top, willing the water he drank not five minutes ago to stay down. He's rubbing his head on the wooden surface when he hears it.

There's a soft thump thu-thump coming from somewhere near him. He lifts his head slowly, as not to make the world spin and tries to concentrate where the soft beat is coming from. Because it couldn't possibly be -

Derek cannot be -

With growing horror, he directs his eyes downwards, to his slightly softened belly. His hands have stilled on his skin, trembling lightly. The soft thump thu-thump comes again, and again, and again, the sound getting louder with each soft flutter, until the pulse matches Derek's own. It's almost mesmerizing, a beautiful cadence that flutters in and out of rhythm of Derek's own heartbeat. --

Or the one where there's a misunderstanding of the century, a little angst, a surprise baby and a deliriously happy ending.

A Legend of a Lonely Boy by bunnymaccool

(1/1 I 42,991 I Explicit)

Peter Hale managed to climb his way back up from death only long enough to do one, terrible, horrible thing. It was enough to accomplish his goal. To leave a legacy. Two months after killing his uncle for the second time, Derek is feeling sick and weak, heavy in his own body. What Deaton is telling him should be impossible... but...

There is a werewolf legend. About unmated alpha who desperately desired to have heirs, so he studied the moon and the stars in such great depth that he discovered a secret. On the night of the full moon, when the stars aligned just so … he could plant his pups into whatever body he desired. Regardless of species, regardless of gender.

The danger is this ... werewolves are not meant to carry pups alone. They need someone to guide them, love them, protect them during this time of vulnerability. A partner. A mate. But Derek Hale has none of these things. He has no one. If he and his pup are going to survive, he may just have to follow the ridiculous suggestion Deaton puts forth. The completely annoying, loud-mouthed, pain in his ass suggestion that makes Derek want to rip someone's throat out. With his teeth.

Through the Dark by WriteByNight

(11/35 I 93,401 I Explicit)

Stiles is down on his luck and out of money, just trying to finish his last year of college. Out of ideas, he goes to donate his sperm and meets Derek Hale, who is looking for a surrogate to carry his and his infertile girlfriend's baby. Stiles is instantly attracted to the alpha werewolf, but pushes his feelings to the side in order to fulfill Derek's dream for children.

Derek and Stiles grow close, but try to deny the feelings growing for one another because as soon as the pregnancy is over Stiles will have to give the baby over to Derek and Braeden, and walk out of their lives. However, the closer he gets to his due date, the harder it is to come to terms that he'll have to let go of the man he's come to love.

#teen wolf #sterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #rape #mpreg #anon

[thefanficmonster]

Few Too Many

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, In-game violence and death, Suggestive comments

Genre: Protective fluff, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Jealousy is a dangerous thing, especially when the jealous person is armed with a gun....in a game of Counter Strike. At least Y/N’s friend will now know not to mess around and flirt with her, especially not with Corpse around.

Requested by 🐐 Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request! Sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request but here it finally is! I didn’t want to make it IRL violence to avoid triggering anyone while I also felt it’d be very ooc for Corpse to beat someone up but I still hope you enjoy the fic if you come across it and read it! Love, Vy ❤

“Hey everyone!“ Y/N greets her squad as they all customize their characters while I sit there, observing and unknowing of what I’m supposed to do. “I invited Corpse to play with us today, hope y’all don’t mind.”

“Of course not! Nice to finally meet you, Corpse. We’ve heard a ton about you from Y/N, thanks for making our girl the happiest she’s ever been.“ One of her friends says, the tone of his voice suggesting he’s only half-joking with the dad like comment he made.

“Nice to meet you too, man. Glad I’m the one she gave the chance of making her happy. That’s all I ever wanna do.“ Though it may sound cheesy, as guys, her friends can probably read into how genuinely I mean what I’ve said.

Dating a girl with only guy friends has it’s pros and cons. Which outweigh which is still up for debate since I’m still researching, but so far so good in my opinion. This is the first time I’m interacting with them directly so I’ve still got a long way to go in terms of getting to know them and the details of their relationship with Y/N better. Regardless, I at least know they can easily understand me and put themselves in my shoes if I ever ‘mess things up’ with Y/N and she goes to complain to them - something that will most likely never happen. I’d never dare make this girl upset. Chances are, if I do, her friends won’t get to me on time - I would deliver my own punishment just the way I think I deserve it. However, there’s also the chance of them getting super protective of her and ganging up on me over something as small as a fight. By the many things and stories Y/N’s shared with me about them, I believe they wouldn’t think twice about kicking someone’s ass for her. They’re not massive dudes - I’ve seen pictures of them - but I for one don’t ever wanna see em angry.

“Ay bro, what’d you do to score our best girl? You must know what she likes. If so please, by all means, do tell.“ One of them, not the one who was previously talking, speaks up, his words making me furrow my brows in both confusion and irritation.

I open my mouth to complain as I slowly start cracking my knuckles when Y/N and her friends beat me to it. Thing is, Y/N’s friend group consists of three guys and her and yet four voices scolded the guy that made that suggestive comment. That being said, this guy probably isn’t considered to be one of her friends, at least not one that’s a permanent part of her friend group.

“Seth, cut it out!“ The guy I was previously speaking to says sharply before softening his tone to refer to me, “Sorry about my brother, excuse his lack of brain cells, please.“

Just then, I also receive a message from someone. Checking my phone, turns out it’s Y/N who by the way is currently in the living room while I’m in the recording room. Her text reads:

Y/N ~ Ignore Seth. I told Leo to not invite him but he’s still here somehow

I send her back a quick reassuring text before answering the guy I now know is named Leo, “No worries, it’s fine.”

“See? The guy can take a joke, you’re all just freaking out over nothing!“ Seth laughs, reminding me and the others of how loud he is compared to us.

Despite acting like it’s no big deal, I can’t help but admit to myself that this behavior of Seth’s has awoken a deeply buried suspicion of mine that’s not only mine but also arises in every guy whose girlfriend hangs out with a lot of guys. It’s not that I don’t trust Y/N - she could literally blindfold me and tell me to walk through a pool of lava, promising it wouldn’t hurt and I’d do it - but we all know about that saying that every guy in a group with one girl has liked said girl at least once.

Disturbing to think these four, including Seth five, dudes could’ve possibly been my competition at some point. It’s nice that they’re all super chill about it, mostly cause some of them have girlfriends as I was told.

Nevertheless, we get over that hiccup and carry on with the small talk and preparations for the game. Since it’s my first time playing CSGO, Y/N, Leo and her other friend Clancy explain the mechanics to me in detail to avoid me getting confused mid-game and getting myself killed. When they finish, we start the round and wait for the game’s algorithm to separate us into two teams which Y/N jokingly refers to as cops and robbers. Unfortunately, the end result of that separation ends up being me getting put in the terrorists’ force with Leo and Clancy while Y/N’s with the FBI, partnered with Seth and her other friend Evan.

“Alright, team, we shall now disperse. Corpse, remember, if you see more than one of them, radio in and lay low, we’ll be with you as soon as possible.“ Leo informs me as he runs off in one direction, Clancy going in the opposite. I confirm I understand and go along my way too, heading for this ancient looking structure that looks like it could belong in an old-timey movie. 

Walking in, I realize the place is way bigger than it appeared on the outside. A quick look up confirms that there are three fucking floors above, not to mention that the ground floor is huge. Luckily, there are many crates and barrels to hide behind if I come across an FBI agent. I sure as hell hope it’s Y/N, I could maybe even try talking her into giving me a second chance at life and pretend she never saw me. Come to think of it though, I’d probably prefer getting killed by her rather than her friends - especially Seth.

Given that we’re in a Discord call, I can hear all the conversation going on. They are all quiet though, I can just periodically hear the mumbles of someone muttering to themselves as they navigate the map cautiously out of fear of running into their opponent unprepared. The silence is put to an end though when Seth speaks up, addressing Y/N.

“Yo, your boyfriend’s with the terrorists, ain’t he? That’s like the universe giving you a sign that y’all shouldn’t be together.“ The fucker laughs at his own joke while I can literally hear Y/N rolling her eyes.

“Have you heard of Romeo and Juliet, Seth?“ She asks sarcastically, almost getting a chuckle out of me but I suppress it to avoid getting caught listening in.

“Yeah, they both die at the end. Fucking boooriiinngg.“ Just then, I spot two silhouettes entering the building. Aiming my gun at them reveals their names - just the people I’m currently involuntarily eavesdropping on. Seth and Y/N don’t notice me though so I quickly duck behind a crate and prepare to radio in when Seth continues verbally torturing Y/N and dancing on my last nerves, “I personally think the friends-to-lovers trope is far more interesting...“

Did this guy just- no, he’s gotta be fucking kidding me

I’m left with my jaw hanging in disbelief at this guy’s audacity. I have no doubt Y/N’s about to put him in his place herself but I just gotta have my own chat with this guy. And by ‘chat’ I mean I mindlessly rush out from behind the crate towards where I saw him and Y/N and open fire on him.  I hear his startled and upset screams with Y/N’s laughter in the background. She doesn’t try to stop me as a teammate of his should and would, instead she just observes the scene unfold, laughing her ass off.

“Yo man what the fuck was that for?!“ I hear Seth’s yell but only faintly since the sound of gunshots is still echoing through my headphones. Yeah, I’m not done shooting this fucker.

“Corpse...Corpse, buddy...“ Y/N manages through fits of laughter she cannot tame, “That’s a few too many bullets, he’s already dead.”

“And that was a few too many comments for him to be let off the hook.” I answer as sharply as I can with the new-formed smile on my face. What can I say, her happiness is contagious.

“Well, you got your first kill in CSGO. Good job, babe! I’m super proud of you!” She cheers for me, clapping her hands excitedly. 

“Nah that was my first overkill.“ I quickly add, with a more threatening tone: “And it won’t be my last.”

“Let’s just hope there aren’t few too many of these overkills either.“ She snickers.

“That doesn’t depend on me, babe.“ I say smugly, suggestively enough for Seth to pick up the dropped hint. Mother fucker’s officially been put in his place and I couldn’t possibly be happier - with the added bonus of getting a ton of laughter out of Y/N who also decides to walk away, leaving me unharmed but promising to shoot to kill next time she sees me.

I’m ok with that. She could kill me anyday.

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#corpse husband #corpse #corpse fanfiction #corpse fic #corpse fluff #corpse fandom #corpse fanfic #corpse x you #corpse x y/n #corpse x reader #corpse imagine #corpse imagines #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband fanficiton #corpse husband fanfiction #corpse husband fic #corpse husband fluff #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband is ruining my life #corpse simp #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #fandom #fan #request #requests open #x reader

[valorkook]

The Story of Us | j.jk

pairings: jeon jungkook x fem!reader  (ft. kim taehyung near the ending)

type/warning: little fluff i guess, angst, requited to unrequited love, reincarnation AU, soulmates!AU, solo idol!AU, accidental death (overdose), mention of magic/witchcraft, incorrect depiction of history stuff

word count: 11.6k (my longest fic yet)

summary: If there was one thing you could learn from the existence of soulmates in the world is that it is dependent on the way you let your life unravel based upon the decisions you make: Whether you choose to fall once again into the scheme of destiny dictated by the heavens above or you learn from your past life and decide to let go. 

Year 18XX

Soulmates. Many children have been read by their parents or guardians the story of the first-recorded couple who told the rest of the world how we are predestined to be with someone not only in just one lifetime, but also in the next lifetime. The concept of soulmates was merely just a story people mockingly believed in until it happens to them; to your parents, and to you. 

Back when you were a child, being tucked at night by your mother you were excited to hear how she and your father met and knew they were bound for each other through every lifetimes they will have in the future, however she explained to you that though they are going to meet each other when they are reborn does not guarantee that you will be their child again. 

You remember that was your first heartbreak. Wanting to curse whoever started the soulmate connection but it will only render you to be spanked in the butt, and as an 8-year-old child you don’t want to experience that kind of pain before you sleep. The only way you can express your anger and sadness was to pout, tears from your eyes threatening to spill as your mother coddled you to sleep that night. 

Regardless, she assured you and your little mind that while they might be gone from your life when you reincarnated, your soulmate from the past will stand next to you. You and your significant other will retain the same name and the same memories once you encounter them again, and you will continue to save your memories with them throughout the next lifetime. That little knowledge you learned magically helped you sleep comfortably apart from being in the loving arms of your mother. 

It was essential to remember that night, within your dreams you walked a familiar path in Kang's manor and deep in their magnificent garden was where you found him; Doe eyes staring back at yours, and it appears that you nearly have the same height as him as both of you were still young. The most important thing you kept in your mind when you woke up from that dream was how he looked, and exactly the location of where to find him that day. 

The Kang’s estate is one of the largest houses you visited countlessly in the village, apart from your own house with your parents. The status of being the only daughter in the family made you become close with Kang Kyungmi, who has the same age as you. You two have partaken on multiple play dates and tea parties conducted by your parents as a scapegoat for them to mingle and gossip at the stone patio overlooking the Kang’s intricate hedge labyrinth and garden. There have been times where you lost your way out inside the high bushes parting into pathways and Kyungmi, bestowed with a sense of direction and intelligence at a young age, always knows where to find you before the night comes. You were deathly afraid of the dark back then.

You have another objective related to finding your soulmate as you begged your parents to visit Kyungmi the next day after the dream occured. And while the carriage being carried by the horses take their time to travel towards their manor, in the back of your mind you have already planned the pathways of the maze, hopefully be able to check its crevices and corners to find him. You can’t divulge the information to your parents that you have seen your soulmate’s face until you can prove it with your own two eyes.

Hurried greetings were given upon entry to the gates by you before you sped over at the back of their huge house, no more than two minutes and you found yourself standing at the entrance of the maze. You don’t care that your dress, albeit being immaculate white since it was purchased four days ago, gets dirtied with the soil once you entered their garden. What was once a clear sky before you left your home now turns out to be dimmed and cloudy, as if nature's provoking you to find him before the rain pours. Nevertheless you gladly took the challenge as you began to thread the high bushes and find a pathway connected to other areas of the maze. 

“Doe eyes,” was only what you could mutter as you turned every corner until you saw the same angle of the tree branches peeking just above the hedges in your dreams, except there was not a single person whose innocent eyes you memorized appeared at the same spot. 

“Have you lost your way out?” someone meekly asked you from behind. 

The moment you have your eyes on his, you are helpless. So to say. 

He was the most handsome boy you have ever seen in your life, and you feel your heart beating faster against your chest and your hands yearning to hold his. You were speechless when you saw his face, the exact eyes that have been stuck in your dreams were now real and in front of you. While your parents hoped for your soulmate to have the same social status as yours, you didn’t mind when his appearance said otherwise. He was no noble, you figured, but you were sure your parents cannot protest against the soulmate connection made by the heavens above for you and him. 

You never dare to forget his name when you make your journey back home once the night falls. Though you two didn’t spend enough time to talk and get to know each other, you were already planning to know all of him in this lifetime. 

His name is Jeon Jungkook, the youngest son of his family who has been loyal in their service to the Kang’s family for decades. More than that, they are residing in the same manor as Kyungmi so you would always know where to find him easily. No longer will you attempt to roam the whole country, looking for your soulmate since you are blessed by the heavens above that you already met him. Indeed there was no verbal indication that the two of you were destined for each other, but deep inside there is this mutual feeling that speaks for both of you. Some kind of divine intervention that cannot be proven by science. 

Your parents found it odd that they have been frequenting the Kang’s family in the coming years, and yet they never questioned it. It only made them happy to see your budding friendship with Kyungmi and the boy whose family works for Kyungmi’s parents. You three were inseparable since Kyungmi observed how you became close to Jungkook. Moreover, you have introduced him as your soulmate, to which she enthusiastically celebrated by requesting for his mother, Mrs. Jeon, to bake a cake instantly that day. Thus, her blabbering got the attention of nearly all the workers in the manor and her parents as well as yours, and his. 

Your parents were surprised when they were able to piece together the reason for visiting the Kang’s. Finding out that It was more than just you creating a long-lasting friendship with Kyungmi. Nonetheless, they support your happiness as much as Kyungmi’s parents support hers. Granted, they were far from other noble families who seek to elevate their status and advertising their own children in marriage as a way of merging businesses.

In the perspective of the Jeon family, with their youngest son whose soulmate is the daughter of an affluent family in the village, they sighed in relief from worrying about Jungkook’s future as a menial laborer. As much as their predecessors have been loyal to the Kang’s family, they hoped that their sons would find a way to grow outside of the manor and pursue their aspirations beyond the village. While Junghyun’s planning his future outside the service they provide to the Kang’s family, Jungkook however was focused to alleviate the workload of his parents during that time. With you as their son’s soulmate, they see a bright future for Jungkook to care and provide for you, transcending through every lifetime you will spend together. 

From that moment, while his parents continue to do the same chores within Kang's manor Jungkook was already given the liberty to choose whether to stay at Park’s manor, which is your family’s, or to stay. He was not required to be of service for the Kang’s anymore but due to his compassion towards his parents, he continues to do so. Not only that, his family is well-received by both powerful families and were gifted with various items; his favorite shirt which was dull in color was then replaced with a more vibrant cream color, and he was required to own a few suits whenever the families host dinner parties. It was typical for Jungkook to always escort you to every party, even if it’s held at Kyungmi’s house or yours, but he didn’t mind one bit as long as he has you close to him. 

You feel loved whenever you feel his eyes on you as the years go by. The talks you two shared were delightful, you admit. Though nothing compares to the lingering stares and the kisses you two have shared under the same moonlight when both of you reached the age of 13. His soft lips against yours always leave you defenseless, that only led him to give you more until your lipstick’s a mess. Even if it was a mere peck, an innocent kiss shared between the two of you, both you and Jungkook were still reprimanded by your respective parents. Though neither of you didn’t expressed any regrets after being caught, you two still kept to your parents’ word to wait for the right time, such as marriage. 

It was when you’re 14 years old that he planned to take you out into the townsquare, just the two of you as you roamed the festivities prepared and held by the townspeople annually. The two young couple, soulmates if you’d prefer, grabbed the attention of some villagers and made them coo at the demure young love you two emitted. Furthermore, he let you know that to make this date be affordable, he started working at the nearby bakery months ago in order to earn money to spend for tonight. Even when both of you knew that you can afford everything the market has to offer that night.

“Just let me spend my hard earned money for you, ______.” Jungkook whined adorably while you only pinched his cheeks in response. He never missed to treat you like a princess worthy of the world has to offer every time when you realize that he, too, deserves to be treated as a prince if you were to be his one and only princess. 

The summer when you were 15, and him approaching the age of 16, he agreed to your suggestion to stay with you and your family for the whole season. And while he is assured by your parents to treat it as a vacation with your family, he still insists on doing the chores he used to do before despite your protest. Although not for long, you learned to do the same tasks he performed and was able to independently bake cupcakes without burning them and leave your room clean every morning, which left your maids to scratch their heads on what to touch after considering that your trinkets are no longer littered on the floor anymore. 

The garden in your backyard was something that can’t be bragged about without being compared to Kyungmi’s, but Jungkook kissed your worries away when the open field offered the opportunity to teach you how to ride a horse, choosing Nora. The white horse had been spontaneously named by your mother as a present from your parents on your 3rd birthday. You feel his clothed chest on your back as he guided your hands in manipulating the rope in front of you. 

There are other days where you were calmly reading with him in the small library located in the east wing of the mansion, getting used to the domesticity of the quiet activity you two chose to spend the rest of the day with. Unfortunately for him, he picked the wrong book to read when his eyes stumbled upon hifalutin words that are rarely used in everyday conversations. 

He scooted over to the sofa you’re currently occupying, noticed how his right hand is free from clutching the book and found your left hand. Interlacing your fingers together before asking you the meaning of the difficult words. You gladly taught him the whole afternoon with new words, though it didn’t last long when he returned the book back to its proper shelf and insisted for you to read him the romantic fiction upon your hands until the sun goes down.

Summer comes and goes so fast when the night turns colder and he is on a carriage back to his family. You silently cried that night in your bed when he went away, never knowing Jungkook equally feels the same way during that ride. While you wiped your tears from the linens on the side of your bed you felt the crinkling of paper buried beneath the blanket, digging your left hand beneath as the smooth edges of a folded paper met your fingertips. 

Dear ______,

I know that by the time you read this, I am already on my way back to family. Though I wish to experience more seasons than just summer with you, we still have to wait for time to take its course. If there is one thing I regret while spending my summer days with you, it is only when I did not summon enough courage to say that I love you. 

I love you, ______, and I am sorry that I would have to leave you for now. But if you are willing to wait as I am, do expect the next time we meet that I will say those three words without any fear holding me back. Please do not be saddened by my absence as I’ll make an effort to become an educated man worthy to stand by your side. I will be eternally grateful for your parents and Kyungmi’s for giving me an opportunity to pursue my studies out of kindness; they say it is never too late for me to fulfill my education like any other noble children have the privilege to do. Even so, none of these would not happen if I never became your soulmate in the first place.

I thanked the heavens for leading me to you, you did not make me feel like a nuisance even before you knew I was the one for you. Perhaps it was fate that led me to follow you inside the garden when I overheard that you have the tendency to lose your way out of the labyrinth. Now, with how our story unravels I feel undeserving of having the privilege to be your soulmate, but I know you will say otherwise. 

It will be hard for us to be away from each other for awhile, but I hope that my love for you makes you grow fonder of my presence even if we are apart. My heart belongs to you and you only, no one else’s. I hope I have captured your heart by the end of this summer. I look forward to the next moment we will meet, and in the next years to come where I will be allowed to spend the rest of seasons in this lifetime as your loving husband. 

I will patiently wait for a letter if you ever have the chance to write to me at your earliest convenience. Again, I miss you and I love you ______.

Sincerely,

Jeon Jungkook

The tears continued to pour from your eyes though it never wetted the paper, you cherished the words he had written to you too much to even smudge the ink embedded in the fibers. The letter, while made you cry, also brought comfort that he has you in his mind even after he leaves the manor that housed him for the summer. Although it is unfair for you to be a mess after reading the letter, you were somewhat grateful that Jungkook was able to express that your love is reciprocated. This was better than him leaving without leaving these words of consolation at all. 

You securely folded the letter again and kept it safe from being touched by your maids as you put it inside a drawer on your nightstand, secured with a key hidden in a place you only know. From that night, you planned to write a letter back as soon as possible before the school starts again. 

Gone are the days when Jungkook sends you a letter along with a flower or two for when you feel like at your worst, it is only reduced to a piece of paper since floral shops are closed for the time being during winter season and he only has a few money remaining as he’s discouraged to work when school began. More than that, you received a letter also from Kyungmi who cannot wait to spend Thanksgiving hosted by your family real soon. She further explained that she has no one to talk to while being homeschooled except Jungkook whenever he had the chance to visit the manor on weekends, considering that he is currently attending a boarding school exclusively for male students. Whenever he was unable to mail you his letter every week, you have Kyungmi to write to and visit every now and then. 

Without Jungkook, you and Kyungmi were at an age where you confide in each other related to trivial things that might trouble your minds as you two approach the time where girls like you are expected to marry. There might be others who wanted to explore the world using their father’s money, perhaps learn a thing or two relating to the business established by their kin. But you have met your soulmate early and never desired to do these contrarian ways nor wish to live without him until you feel you are ready for marriage. Kyungmi, however, cannot relate to what you have right now.

“I found out that I am adopted,” she told you one day while the two of you are busy painting the canvases in front of you, “and they say that I should’ve found my soulmate three years ago. Lucky for you, you found Jungkook at an earlier age than expected.” 

You dropped the brush on your hand, losing interest in the current activity as you worriedly looked at her who seems to be in near tears, “Perhaps it is not too late, you know. There has been news outside the village that they found their soulmate even when they are 20 years or older.” 

“I’m not willing to wait that long, other girls at the same town as ours will speak ill of me.” Kyungmi expressed, “How I am unworthy to be the daughter of my parents or how I deserve to not have a soulmate--”

You tried to empathize with her, “Do not think of what they say, they are just jealous of how the heavens granted you your parents. Do not also lose hope about your soulmate,they will come to you someday. There’s nothing wrong with waiting.” you caressed her long hair in comfort before hugging her. 

“Is Kyungmi okay?” You gasped when you heard his voice from behind. Not long and you felt his arms around you and Kyungmi. It feels like you two were the same children who are inseparable for the longest time every time you visit their manor. 

“Just some mean kids, Jungkook.” You explained simply while you feel his chin against your head, it’s shocking that he started to outgrow your height as expected for him as a 15 years old. 

“Tell me their names and I’ll--” 

“You can’t beat up girls,” Kyungmi muttered.

He paused, “I’ll give them a word of warning then.”

You three made light of the situation by laughing, never knowing how it also affects the reputation of the Kang’s among their influential peers not only within the village but also outside of it. The Kang’s family let the fools criticize their family for a while, hoping for them to exhaust themselves and make their mouths dry from speaking but somehow it did not cease even after the Thanksgiving celebration. 

And Mr. Kang knew what he had to do, all in the sake of his daughter’s happiness.

“Your daughter’s the talk of the town if I’m not wrong, Daeshim.” the raspy voice of Miss Bonhwa interrupted his eyes from scanning the whole bungalow where she lives. To others, she is just a lowly villager who creates and supplies herbal medicine to nearby infirmaries, but to him she is more than just a simple lady living in solitude. If only the people have a clue about the medicines they intake are laced with a little bit of magic. 

She is a witch, eternal youth bestowed upon every inch of her melanin-rich skin as he observed that Bonhwa hadn’t aged at all; not a single wrinkle can be spotted at the corner of her eyes or her mouth. He knew of her long before he met his wife as an adventurous kid in the outskirts of the village back then. It is not that they have an affair or so, but she has something that bound them for the next lifetimes. Though it is important for him to note to himself to redo the same thing over again once he is reborn to a new life and found his soulmate again; his wife. 

She further prodded, “And you are not warranted to visit again, as I told you I will see you in the next lifetime.”

“I did not come here for myself, my wife and I are still happily married.” Kang Daeshim explained. Admittedly, he and his wife were surprisingly not soulmates. However, they are not bound to anyone else after years of attempting to search for their destined significant other. Soon enough at the age of 25, they found each other and were willing to build a special relationship that the village seemed to disapprove of as they are going against the very nature of the soulmate connection in the world.

Bonhwa hummed, “for Kyungmi, then. Who do you plan to bound her to? A rich noble named Kim Taehyung--”

“Rich, noble boys only care for themselves,” he scoffed, “my daughter deserves to be treated better, someone who will see her as a royalty rather than a property they can abuse to their heart’s content.” 

Her mind-reading capabilities did not fail her to see the ideal candidate for Kyungmi inside Mr. Kang’s head. “I expect that you’ll bring him here the next fortnight, as well as enough sacks of gold for this to happen exactly as you wish.” and with one blink, Mr. Kang found himself standing in front of his carriage ready to travel back to his manor with his wife and daughter, as well as her future in-laws residing with them for years.

It was at the age of 16 where you are about to finish your education, expected to learn the footsteps your parents made to establish the winery they wanted in the abundant field behind where your house stood. A few trees might be needed to be taken down from the forest at the far back of the property, to pave way for the seeds of grapes to be planted and fermented in the near future. 

Your father’s trip to Spain made no exception for him to not explore the wineries and the abundance of fragrant wine it has to offer. Thus it inspired him and his wife, your dear mother, to invest enough money to create their own until they retire. Soon, they saw you being born as their child and molding you ready to take over the new family business. Yes, you were still young but you presented a sense of maturity that other primadonnas in their noble family lacked. 

You received far much better education compared to other ladies of your own age, even Kang Kyungmi was only able to receive enough education proper for ladies to act based upon society’s expectation as they are assumed to be taken care of by their future husbands. Being privately taught by unconventional school subjects for girls gave you an opportunity in which you can stand equally next to your future husband and soulmate, Jeon Jungkook. 

Though strangely, the letters he wrote to you each week had begun to cease. It seemed to be much worse as compared to when he is busy in his studies, attempting to catch up at the lessons he lacked as a child and continues to prove his peers wrong by excelling much better than them. It was amazing to read of his adventures as he writes it in the past letters, but now you are longing for him and his words of comfort and full of love. How can he spend a week long without communicating with you? It was agonizing for you to be apart from him now that you have been expecting him to ask for your hand in marriage, yet he hadn’t tried to ask for your parent’s blessing before this year ends. 

Moreover, Kyungmi hasn’t been responding to the letters you sent a long ago. For sure they have been back from the vacation they announced a month ago, included in their plans to stay out of town for a short time was that the Jeon family comes along with them. Though you figured that it is not anticipated for them to ask permission from you, it might be just nice to be reminded by your soulmate that they are taking a vacation without you. . . as if they were just one family. Even so, not a single note arrived upon your doorstep when they left.

You admit to yourself, there’s a lingering jealousy whenever Kyungmi and Jungkook are together without you. In the past, you dismissed such feelings as they are childhood friends first before you came into the scene as his soulmate. Although this time, you grew worried that something’s not in the right place anymore. It feels as if you were drifting apart. 

Little did you know your parents already knew of what had transpired; manipulated by their very own close friend before they left for their trip out of town. They don’t know how to break the news to you when you are so helplessly in love with your soulmate even when they observed how less frequently the mailman dropped by their estate to deliver enveloped letters that were supposedly from Jungkook. 

It was also at the age of 16 where you received your second heartbreak. 

The reason you were able to curse the pouring sky on an evening night was when Kyungmi and Jungkook’s engagement was announced during a celebration held in their manor. Though your parents attempted to stop you from attending the party, you were too stubborn and managed to escape their grasp when you rode the same horse, Nora, that you learned to travel with in that summer with him.

Yet he was far from your sight when you entered their estate, your hair disheveled from the harsh winds that came along with the hurried gallops of Nora. You cannot contain your gasp when you see their hands interlaced, with hers adorned with a large diamond ring that you learned back then was a heirloom from Kyungmi’s grandfather. 

Only then did the nearby attendees take notice of your state, some of them who suspect that you and Jungkook were soulmates based on the times you roamed the street whenever the village held a holiday to celebrate by all. The murmurs widened like a ripple of water towards the grand staircase where the two families of the manor stood. It was not long until you captured his doe eyes, swimming with guilt as he moved his foot from where he stood.

“Don’t attempt to chase her, son,” Mr. Kang gritted, appearing to be embarrassed yet angry at how the nosey crowd got ahold of the real truth. “Remember your duty to this family, to Kyungmi, and most importantly for your parents and brother.” 

You were far too embarrassed to make a scene with the villagers as your audience, the only thing you could do was to run away from their sight. Much like the first time he cannot find the strength to confront you of his feelings for him, you did the same thing when you did not wait for the rain to stop to travel back to your parents’ manor with Nora. 

“______.” You heard your mother calling for your attention when you entered the gates, eyes laced with worry while yours were filled with tears that seemed to be covered by the raindrops currently pouring. 

Your chest was heaving and with a shaking voice did you ask, “How long have you known?” a thick blanket was then placed around your freezing body as she, with the help of your maids, led you towards the fireplace while the others were busy to fix a warm bath and retrieve a new dress for the daughter of the Park estate. 

Your father was the one who replied to your question, “It was only when they left out of town a month ago, though the Kang family sent a letter of apology for-- well--,”

“For stealing my soulmate, what a fucking delight.” you managed to scoff, your mother beside you was about to reprimand your language but was interrupted by the deep chuckle of her spouse. 

“Let her be, darling. She is entitled to feel angry about it.” Your father told your mother regarding your fuming behavior. 

Then realization dawned upon you before you were urged to take your bath, “Why did they take him away from me? Why did he not fight for me? Am I unworthy to be considered as his soulmate?” You sobbed, what would you become when a person who was supposedly destined to you did not choose to be with you. 

Your tears continue to pour as you feel your father’s hand on the side of your head, inviting you to lean on his shoulders as you cry your heart, longing for Jungkook that night. You deserve at least an explanation from him as to why he changed his mind, his plans to marry you and proceeded to choose someone else to spend his life with. 

“None of this is your fault, remember that ______. They are only selfish and cruel to take advantage of you and your soulmate.” Your mother stroked your hair, “For now, let’s clean you up before you fall ill from being in the rain for so long.” 

For days you remained silent and opting to be left alone most of the time, you barely did the activities that reminded you of him. To the point where you neglect to look after Nora, now she’s more than just a means of transporting materials for construction of the winery. You refused to touch the books you read to him, nor did you attempt to sit at the same couch where the two of you spent the majority of your time in each other’s presence. Your mother takes notice of your melancholic state as she always has a clue on what to manipulate in the very estate she designed before you were born.

With a flick of her fingers, the couch was out of your sight and was burned with smoke reaching the sky and can be seen from the windows in your bedroom. Albeit unusual to burn the furniture when it could’ve been donated in an orphanage in the village, you did not find enough care to make that remark as you lay in your unruly bed all day until the supper was made. It took a week for you to receive a letter you desire yet despise at the same time, you knew who the letter came from just from seeing the color of the parchment. 

After picking up the letter, you ran towards your room and locked yourself inside before finding the courage to open it. You cannot prevent the tears from spilling your eyes before you even try to read the contents.

Dear ______,

First and foremost, I sincerely wanted to ask for forgiveness. Though I cannot explain that much why I agree for this to happen, and all I could ever offer you is an apology for betraying you like this. It may seem that I did not care about you all this time, but that is far from the truth. 

Please believe me that I still love you, 

You quickly crumpled the paper as you read the same words that always left your heart defenseless, no matter how broken it is as of this moment. Yet an idea passed your mind as you were about to gather the letters he wrote for you from the drawer, which will add onto the fire currently consuming the couch outside. Your feet padded out of your room and towards the staircase when you heard the voices of your parents upon the door left ajar in your father’s study.

“You mean ______’s soulmate was coerced to sign the vow from Bonhwa?” Your mother’s hushed voice asked her spouse.

Your father nodded, “Who else could Kang go to when he did the same thing to his own wife, though she also had no soulmate when they met. Bonhwa’s herbal medicine is merely a curtain for her to practice witchcraft, she seems to be an expert on how to play the fate of soulmates whenever she’s given a chance.” 

“How is she not driven from the village, then?” Your shaky voice reached the ears of your parents when you made your presence known by the door. Their horrified faces knew how the truth would unfold for you, and they cannot foresee what you’re already planning inside your mind.

“She is a powerful witch, Bonhwa. And the people will not deny her prowess in creating potions that could cure, thus saving our village from deadly diseases that affected other towns nearby,” Your father explained simply. 

The question your parents dreaded to answer truthfully was the next thing that came out from your mouth, “What is the vow you’re speaking of?” 

Your parents turned to each other, planning on how to break the truth slowly, your mother started, “I don’t know exactly the name of the vow given by her, but it is powerful enough to make a person you choose to become your soulmate, even if they weren’t destined for you to begin with.” 

The letters you’re currently holding in your hands began to tighten, “Where to find her--”

“I forbid you to seek this witch, ______.” your father was quick to interrupt, standing up from his chair as he approached you, “We can find someone else for you,” 

“I just want my soulmate back, father.” You sobbed into your occupied hands, thoroughly wetting the letters and the ink of promises Jungkook has written. 

Your father sighed, holding your hands together, “Believe me when I tell you that Bonhwa cannot undo what she has casted, dear. As I heard from Kang Daeshim, it is permanent.”

Your thoughts loomed over your head as you burned the letters one by one, the casted fire illuminated the area as the sun went down deep from the forest. The area where the fire has been burning made it easy for some of the village people to question what was happening in the Park’s estate when they see smoke kissing the sky during the day. Especially the person you longed to love and hate at the same time was able to see you from afar as he sat upon the branch of the tree near the entrance of the property, finding you burning the letters he made for you. 

Jungkook, while having the freedom to act like a noble within Kang’s manor, is still willing to perform tasks that Mr. Kang wanted him to do. Instead of running errands, he was rather forced to spend his time with Kyungmi more. Unlike you, Kyungmi insists on doing activities that taught him how to act like a proper royalty who’s about to become an heir to a non-existent throne, but little did he know he was about to be given the chance to become an heir since Kyungmi established that she will not participate in their family business. 

Everything about the mining sector of the industry bored her so much, instead she wanted to act as a perfect housewife and dream of building a family when she found someone to marry. Mr. Kang could not detest his daughter’s wishes, and resumed to find the perfect candidate to be her significant other. Kang Daeshim never misses the stare his daughter gives to Jungkook every now and then, it was the same eyes his wife would give him. In addition to seeing Kyungmi secretly liking your soulmate, an epiphany came over him when a night spent with Jungkook showed that he has the same fascination about the industry and the family business in general.

It was like hitting two birds with one stone. 

Prior to being invited to join their vacation months ago, he was also invited to visit someone with Kyungmi’s father at a time close to midnight. The question Kang Daeshim dropped while they were on their way in the village made him ponder about his family, “How would you like to inherit the family business, perhaps bring your parents to comfort while no longer serving for us?” 

Mr. Kang added, “I heard that your older brother’s planning to establish a restaurant, you can help him instantly. It’s not like the Park’s could give you money just because you are their daughter’s soulmate when they are busy doing their winery. Remember your responsibility to your own family, Jungkook. Family comes first.”

The last three words Mr. Kang spoke struck his mind, it is expected for soulmates to devote most of their time once they are joined in matrimony. However, it is not fair for him to lavish in the wealth while his family continues on with what life the heavens gave them. He wanted them to live the same life he experienced once he met you as his soulmate: no longer will her mother tire her hands and instead she will find the time to read the books she wanted to at any time of the day, no longer will her father work hard under the heat of the sun, tending to the stables and taking care of the lavished garden when he can help with the business. 

The thought of becoming wealthy was a dream that became alive again, longing to build a big house made of stones and other materials to last for more than one generation of the Jeon family. He was eager to give his affirmation to be Kang Daeshim’s apprentice, but at what cost?

“Where are we going?” Jungkook softly interrogated the older man in front of him, his eyes looking for any answers in his stare. 

“I’m about to give you the will to decide what happens next.” was all Mr. Kang could answer as the carriage came to a halt, right in front of Bonhwa’s bungalow. 

When he returned that night, he couldn’t bear the guilt that he had done. More so when he has been persuaded strongly by the thought of his parents and his dear brother. He was enslaved to the fact that he could become the son his parents would’ve wished to have in this lifetime, in return he had to give up someone precious to his heart. You. 

But then you recalled what Mr. Kang said to him after signing the vow, “Do whatever you want in your next life, I just want my daughter to be happy for once during this lifetime. This is just a small sacrifice on your part, and I’m sorry that it has to be like this.” 

The only flaw that came with the vow was that it is only permanent in one lifetime, but not in the next. He just prayed to the heavens above to grant him a way back to you whenever he’s about to be reincarnated in the next lifetime. 

I’m sorry, ______. Jungkook kept replaying in his mind when he found you at the evening party regarding the engagement. The word of apology, while being simple, holds a lot of unspoken emotions he felt as he attempted to visit your estate the days after the celebration. However, he was denied entry but rather was given a chance to write everything he wants to say to you into a letter. Probably the last letter he would have written and read by you. He was mistaken with what he had thought you would do as he saw you burning the letters he probably wrote to you into ashes. 

You noticed that you and him were still the talk of the village a week after the incident where you found out that your soulmate was not yours anymore. But you didn’t come into the townsquare to ask them for their pity, you were there for your own personal reason. 

It was explained to you that there was nothing that can undo the vow. Even so, no one told you that the witch can help you in other ways. Thus, you resorted to speaking to shop owners who are supplied by the witch--Lady Bonhwa’s herbal medicines. You did not like suffering from heartache all this time, when the diversional activities provided to you by your parents and your family’s servants remained futile to uplift your mood for the past few days. And now, you are determined to seek more information about this Bonhwa who can help you forget your feelings for your soul-- for him. 

“All I have heard was that she lives on the outskirts, rarely goes into the village.” one person told you as he was busy wrapping up the vegetables he sold to his customers, “I think Mr. Ong might know where she lives as he is the one who delivers the bottles of medicine at the beginning of every month.” 

You sighed, stubbornly thinking that you cannot wait for two weeks more to resolve this hurt, “Then where does Mr. Ong lives? Can I visit him?” 

The person sighed before calling for his son inside his shop, “Please help Lady ______ towards Mr. Ong’s house--”

“Is a horse required to get to him as soon as possible?” You interrupted, eyes filled with determination. 

“Bring a horse,” he muttered to you and to his son. Not long and you and him, whose name is Kim Namjoon, are one step closer to knowing where Lady Bonhwa resided. 

Namjoon can’t help but prod a question, “Why are you desperate to see Lady Bonhwa?” followed by a noise made from his brown horse. Though his pet is no match to the height of the black horse you’re sitting on. It was your father’s. 

“I think she has something I need to cure what I’m feeling right now.” You explained, and then added, “I’m pretty sure you have heard of what transpired between the two powerful families in this town.” 

“I do,” Namjoon confirmed, “Have you acquired an unknown disease that Lady Bonhwa has the answer to resolve?” 

You breathe out, “Yes, she probably has the answer I need.” 

With his guidance, he informed you that you two have arrived to Mr. Ong’s abode. Vegetation surrounding his house as you see the familiar face of the man you saw in the newspaper years ago, it was now the man who delivers these herbal medicines from Bonhwa. 

“What are you kids doing here, the sun is about to go down and it is dangerous for a lady like you to be out at this time of the hour.” Mr. Ong was quick to reprimanded your presence, knowing that you are the daughter of the Park’s family. You and Namjoon were quick to go down your horses. 

“I’m here to ask directions to the wi--Lady Bonhwa’s house, I heard that you know where she resides.” You reasoned.

Mr. Ong looked scornful, “Why would you need Miss Bonhwa’s address? What’s your business with her?”

You stuttered, trying to find a clear reason for him to give you her address, but Namjoon was quick to answer for you, “She doesn’t feel so well, I think it is best for Bonhwa to see ______ herself for a proper inspection, and perhaps she’d be given a proper medicine for her condition.” 

“Yes, yes. That.” You nodded with Namjoon’s statement. 

The old man sighed, turning around and approaching the doorway to gather a piece of folded paper from inside his home, he indicated you to open your palms before placing the paper he had memorized from the countless times he delivered the same medicinal bottle he called a miracle. “This is the map to her house, though she is not expected to be back until tomorrow night. It is best to visit her the day after tomorrow so she can take a good look at you, Lady ______.”

You thank the old man, as well as Namjoon, while the two of you are on your way back to the populous area of the village before the sun fully sank into the horizon. Furthermore, Namjoon insisted to escort you back to the gates of your estate to ensure your safety as you’ve given him a little sack of gold for his service the whole afternoon. Though he wants to deny the gift, you insisted for him to keep it. “You can use the money however you’d like, it’s yours.” You told him before you entered your family’s property. 

Truthfully, you haven’t been sleeping well these past few days after gaining the map from Mr. Ong. Not even the calming drink of tea could ever put you to sleep without waking up crying terribly in the middle of the night. In your dreams, you have always recalled the first time you met Jungkook. But then your imagination will slowly unravel to him letting go of your hand and opting to interlace his hands with Kyungmi’s. The once doe eyes that made your heart flutter resorted to look cold and void of any emotions for you. Prior to waking up, the last thing you have seen was them sharing a kiss at the end of the church’s altar. Causing you to soak your pillows with tears and clutching the center of your chest from the pain the nightmare put you into.

You dearly wished for the winery to finish their first fermentation of wine so you could drink yourself to sleep instead. Though it will guarantee you a smack on your head from your mother in the early morning. 

Now, all you could do is to wait for the night to fall. Where you would sneak outside and begin making your way on the road to seek for the witch who can silent your heartache permanently, perhaps the magic she’ll be casting will stretch more than one lifetime of yours. The past nights where you can’t sleep were only utilized by you in memorizing every turn the horse would make when you are out there. Granted, you never know much about the roads, if the heightened bushes already rendered you brainless from knowing your way out of Kyungmi’s gar-- 

Wait. You should not even think about the damn garden next to their manor. You focused on yourself, trying to give enough talks to yourself that you can navigate the roads all by yourself with only the guidance of the map. Maybe your intuition and sense of direction, if you have any. 

You were sure that your parents were busy supervising the operations of their winery tonight, and so you took advantage to sneak a horse from the stables and leave the vicinity of your estate when darkness started to consume the sky and the streetlights were kindled for safe traveling in the dark. As instructed in the map, you need to find the narrow road just near the center of the village as it provided a much precise direction compared to other main roads taken by merchants and travelers. 

The clouds that simply loomed over the town began to rumble when you reached the populous area of the village, you kept your face hidden from the hooded cloak as you turned your horse towards the road less taken. Though at that moment the rain started to pour down, which leaves the people outside to find refuge in nearby shops leaving a few people who started to get soaked in the rain. 

And one of those people is someone you despise to look at right now, but his doe eyes were persistent to look at your hooded figure even if the rain should make it harder for him to recognize you. The fact that his eyes were trying to get a hold of you only pushed you to pressure the horse into galloping instantly and create distance from him, hoping that he will never attempt to follow you. But the distressed sound of another horse from behind foiled your plans. 

While the distance between you and him are currently rising, Jungkook was forced to make hurried steps to unlatch a horse from Kyungmi’s carriage. He turned deaf from the cries of his fiancé inside the vehicleas he tried to undo the straps, however it did not budge. So his next plan, albeit cruel, was to find another horse nearby. From where he stood, he sees Namjoon soaked in the rain and  clutching onto the ropes attached to his brown horse as he silently offers Jungkook to use his pet as a means to follow you. 

It took you thirty minutes to navigate the roads, even if the rain tried to obscure your vision. When you thought you could outrun him, he always seemed to catch up to your horse’s hurried pace. Of course, even after those years you spent to practice horseback riding, you could never beat your mentor who’s currently tailing your horse’s steps. Your best bet was to lose him through the thick trees beside the road, and so you directed your horse to enter the forest. It was further instructed in the map that Bonhwa’s bungalow was nestled into the forest rather than being out in the open at the side of the road. You only pray to the heavens that it was her place that you see kilometers away, or else you’ll be lost inside the woodland for the rest of the night.

You quickly hopped down from the saddle and hurriedly knocked at the door of the bungalow, and in just one blink you were standing in front of Miss Bonhwa, “What seems to be the hurry, Park ______?” 

Knowing that you were running out of time, you ignored the query in your mind as to how she was able to figure out your full name, “It may seemed foolish for me to pray that you can undo a vow when I know the answer for that, but now I only request for something that could help me forget my feelings for my soulmate. Please, before he comes.” 

She sighed, “Kind of tricky what you’ve wanted from me, but fear not that I have made something close to what you desire.” A pounding on her door stopped Bonhwa from approaching the cabinet full of bottles and jars filled with colorful concoction she made for the sake of gaining experience. “Shall I allow your former soulmate inside my humble abode?” she directly asked you. 

You shook your head, internally blocking his voice from calling your name multiple times. A bottle was put in front of you on the wooden counter and she was about to talk, you were quick to uncork the bottle and started to drink its contents out of desperation and without prior instruction from the witch herself.

In the hazy mind of yours did you recall how frantic Bonhwa became, to the point where all the doors and windows turned unlocked while she placed her hands on her head. The next time your eyes fluttered, you see his face for the last time. Doe eyes with tears pouring past his cheeks as he has his arms around your back, trying to not let you fall to the floor. 

“What did you do to her?!” You heard Jungkook shouted to Bonhwa as she was preoccupied to find whatever antidote that could save you from the overdose from the potion you drank. 

“I did not predict that she would drink it in one go, only half a cup was already an effective dose to make her for--” she stopped when an epiphany came over him,

“Forget about me, isn’t it.” he managed to choke as he continued to witness the life in you withers away. His hand caressed your head before pulling your figure close to his chest, “I’m so sorry, my love.” 

“Try putting this in her mouth,” A small flask was handed over to him while he laid you down on the floor, prying your mouth open before spilling the translucent green liquid. Praying that you were able to ingest it before it’s all too late. 

Bonhwa’s fingers were attempting to feel your pulse at the side of your neck, finding that supposedly throbbing artery became thready in every passing second. You were losing your life, but the last thing you remember before you succumb to sleep was how you felt nothing for Jungkook anymore as you gaze at his dreamlike face. 

Year 20XX

Jeon Jungkook woke up with a gasp escaping his tired throat, his sweat seeping through his thin shirt as he recalled every detail in the nightmare he just had. 

Or a dream, if he might even consider in his mind. Because you appeared in his visions, his real soulmate.

You were the most important thing he noted in his mind as he struggled to find his journal full of lyrics he wrote for his songs on his nightstand, trying to attempt to write your full name before he forgets it. But how could he ever think of forgetting your face when it has been you who inspired him to become a better man before he broke your heart and trust in his past life. 

Now, his heart can be free from the chains that have weighed him down since he first found Kyungmi; or Kyungmi who managed to find him first in this current lifetime. 

Finally, he has the answer to the questions his fans would ask him. Why didn’t he write any songs particularly about his soulmate when countless artists like him worldwide have done at least one or two songs, expressing their love for their soulmate? It is because he was never destined for her in the first place, the gods above last night already gave him a sign pertaining to his real soulmate. Yet it was his foolish decisions from his past lifetime that put him astray. Away from you.

Now, he suffers from the repercussions of the choices he made in the past life. He remembered you dying in his arms due to the heartbreak he had caused you. Stories say that a soulmate’s broken heart was the worst pain any person could ever experience in the world. 

Jungkook’s regret was not saving you from your doom if only he had explained it to you in the first place, or that he never gave in to the manipulation of Mr. Kang. It was all his fault. Now, when remembering your face, especially the night in that bungalow managed to broke his heart oh so easily. Causing him to sob at his very own bed that morning while ignoring the sounds emitting from his phone nearby. 

After pitying his past life’s decision yesterday morning, a sense of determination came over him as he created plans in an attempt to find you around the country. But how would he do that without including the nosey public media at his tail. Though it’s not likely for him to knock at every door available in Seoul when there is a possibility that you might be residing in another country. He cannot even develop a concrete plan of action when his mind is a mess, even so if he was already washed up and ready to go outside when he didn't even know where to begin with. 

So he got rid of the jacket he wore and threw it back inside his closet, and opted to reach out for a pencil and a paper to start sketching your face. While he was not blessed to have any artistic skills from his past life, perhaps the gods above took pity and gave him one in this current lifetime as a way to find you. His musicality is an additional thing for him to consider as his job right now, a popular solo artist who’s about to break into the music industry in the west. Admittedly, he grew jealous of the love songs sung by other artists since he cannot find any inspiration to write one. Kyungmi didn’t give him enough reason to write one, but you however already inspired him to create meaningful lyrics while he was sketching your face. 

Maybe he can post his drawing on his Instagram, letting his dedicated fans to work as FBI agents to seek for you. Wait. It didn’t cross his mind to search you in Naver and in other social media apps when he was about to delegate such a sensitive task to strangers. He was quick to toss the pencil on his desk as he reached for the phone left in his jean pocket. Noticing how Kyungmi has been trying to reach him since yesterday, he swiped clear of his notifications before pulling up Instagram and typing your name on the search bar. Park ______.

If he was still Jeon Jungkook, then you must still be named as Park ______. 

To his dismay, a lot of people have the same name as you. In addition to his searches from other social media apps, your face was never used as a profile picture to make his search much easier. Damn, you’re a soulmate that’s harder to find. Yet his heart never ceased to lose hope as the mere sound of your name can make his heart flutter, imagine if he heard his name from your lips for a thousand years to come. 

A knock on his front door interrupted him from being consumed on the device in his hands, his feet padding towards the entrance of his expensive apartment while he’s still preoccupied with searching your name. 

“Jungkook, I’ve been calling and texting you for an hour. Why can’t you even answer it? A simple sentence like you’re preparing food would have sufficed,” Kyungmi whined as she welcomed herself into his home, “And now look at you, who can’t even look at his own soulmate or even greet her a kiss--”

“______’s my soulmate, not you.” He muttered, interrupting Kyungmi from her daily ranting. Though she was typically a blabbermouth and would keep on speaking, he finds it odd that her mouth halted from his statement. It made him avert his eyes from his phone to her, his eyes searching for answers upon hers when she frozen, sitting on his couch. “How long have you known?” he suspiciously asked. 

Kyungmi only managed to stammer, “I-I didn’t know you would ever recall ______,” 

“Why did you lie to me when you insist that I’m your soulmate?” he prodded further, angry at the fact that he is still being controlled by her and her past father with the vow that was supposedly expiring in this lifetime. 

“Even if we weren’t originally soulmates, I fell for you,” Kyungmi fought back, with tears spilling from her eyes and ruining her mascara, “Is it bad to love someone like you, Jungkook? I thought we do not need that vow anymore since we are still bound to each other when we are reincarnated. And I didn’t know you would still remember ______.” 

“Not if you know that they are already happily taken, Kyungmi!” He shouted, before raising his hands on his hair and gripping on it. “You know I was happy with ______, since we were children. At least you could have explained that to me when we met years ago.”

He breathed, sitting on the adjacent seat, “I need to find her. I’m sorry to do this right now but I want you to know that I still love her, Kyungmi.” 

“More than you loved me?” She harmlessly asked a question both of them knew the answer to. She watched him stand up and disappear from his bedroom, only to appear back again looking like he’s ready to leave her alone in this apartment, the same place where she used to spend most of her free time bathing in the love Jungkook used to provide to her. Albeit, it never amounted to the way he used to love you before, but it was better than having nothing at all. 

After all, she loves him more than he ever loved her and so she tells him, “I’ll help you find her.” 

Jungkook paused from opening the door of his apartment, “Why would you do that when it will only hurt you?” 

“Because I love you too much to see you suffer on your own, trying to seek for ______. This is the least I could do for you.” Kyungmi then stood from her seat and approached him at the foyer, managing to unhook the bucket hat hanging near the door and a reusable face mask. A celebrity disguise, “You need these first before you step out of this apartment. Where do you start looking for her? Do you have any idea what place?”

“I’m planning to seek the witch that made this change possible in the past.” he mumbled, “I’m sure we’re in the same country as Bonhwa.” 

His instincts and vivid memory made Jungkook drive towards the outskirts of Seoul city . . . Call him crazy that he’s still expecting the same bungalow to appear even when they’re already in the 21st century, her name was enough for him to assume that the witch is a Korean citizen. Kyungmi, however, was clueless to the bungalow’s appearance and this so-called witch when in the past she had never visited her like her father does. To think that it was all her father’s scheme to lure Jungkook into becoming hers, when she’s already satisfied to see you and him together from afar. 

She wasn’t the type of person to steal someone and defy the destiny that has already been written for them, though she can justify that she went along due to the fact that Jungkook chose her instead of you. But in this lifetime, he now chooses you more than ever. Wanting to fulfill the destiny, the future he promised to you that he was never given the chance to complete before. 

A shabby bungalow then appeared right before her eyes, catching Jungkook’s attention. His foot immediately stepped on the brake to take a closer look. It’s not like there are cars behind him to take his time examining the house standing beside the road instead of being engulfed by the thick tree branches behind the property. 

It took him a minute to find a parking space beside before stepping out of his car with Kyungmi, he then proceeded to knock on the door and patiently waited for someone from the inside to open it. “This place looks like before, though I haven’t visited her when there’s still daylight long ago.” he talked to himself, and perhaps to Kyungmi standing behind him who’s currently busy ridiculing the anterior of the bungalow. Both of them started to hear voices nearing the front of the door before it opened from the inside. 

“______.” Kyungmi was the first one to call your name, but your eyes however focused upon the man blocking the doorway from the outside. Jungkook. He was surprised when he saw you right where he found you fighting for your life in the past. What were you doing here? 

He cannot decipher what you were feeling when you see him again in a new life. He thought you were ecstatic to see him again, expecting for you to have the mutual feeling of wanting to redeem the love you have for each other as soulmates. Were you trying to find him also? 

“What are you doing here, ______?” Jungkook managed to ask you, snapping you out from your thoughts as you never blinked since you saw his face today. 

The way his name slipped your mouth made his heart flutter, like the way you first looked at him when you were 8-years-old inside the hedge labyrinth. It was his turn to seek for you, and now he had found you. 

Yet your cold voice brought him back to reality, “None of your business.” It was easy for you to nudge his heart out to the side like it didn’t matter to you. Like he was not your soulmate to begin with, reminding him that it was too late for redemption. 

“Can we talk,” He reached for your hand, feeling the surge of spark travelling through his arm when his skin made contact with yours, “please?” 

“I spent many years waiting for you to find me and explain things, Jungkook. It seems that you’re here to redo the vows with Kyungmi, I have nothing to do in your life anymore.” You told him, yanking your arm from his grasp, “You can breathe easily now that I am no longer significant in your life.” 

“What do you mean?” 

You sighed, looking at the approaching vehicle from the road. “All I’m saying is, I am now allowing myself to move on from you. No longer will I allow the gods above to dictate who should I end up with when I can choose that person myself. Like you did.” 

“But I’m here to fix everything, ______.” He reached to cup your face, forcing you to look at him, “I am not here to redo the vow but to break it, I thought that Bonhwa would give me a clue where to find you today. Instead, fate led me instantly to who I am looking for. You.”

“Tell me what can I do to fix this.” Jungkook begged you, tears blurring his vision when he didn’t notice that there was already someone behind him who’s waiting for you to come home with them. 

“______.” Kim Taehyung called for your name, the person who you have chosen to love now. He might not be your soulmate, but he showed you the kind of love you missed from experiencing since you died early in your past life. Taehyung heard of who he is while he’s trying to mend your heart years ago, though he did not expect it was Jungkook you were talking about. 

“Maybe in another lifetime, Jungkook. For now, let me love who I choose to love.” Your eyes can’t help but also teared up, seeing his face again. You were sure that your heart does not yearn for him anymore, voided of any lingering feelings for him. However, he still has an effect on you . . . sadly, it was not strong enough for you to consider being with him again, thinking that there might be a time in the future where he would walk out of your life again. 

Jungkook was a fool, falling for a trick from the gods above. When they led him to you so easily, he never thought that they only led him to his heartbreak. If this is what you felt when you see him engaged to Kyungmi that particular night, then he must’ve deserved the pain and torment you have experienced while being apart from him after those events. “I want to fight for you, yet I don’t want to be a hindrance to you finding love in this lifetime. But I’m willing to wait for you, ______.” was all he could ever tell you before letting you go. 

Kyungmi took a step forward, “I’m sorry, ______. For not fighting against my father’s plans back then.” You only nodded, accepting the apology that came out of her mouth before being guided by Taehyung towards their waiting vehicle at the side of the road. 

Acting like his closest friend and not his soulmate, Kyungmi comforted Jungkook that day. Apart from that, they did not miss the opportunity while being in Bonhwa’s bungalow to break the vow and unleashed the chain that bound them together. 

While she was off to find a new person who can potentially become her new soulmate, he was busy singing songs about you in a different context. Hoping to reclaim himself and hoped that his soulmate decided him to be worthy as your soulmate in the next life, just like the way destiny has written his unending love for his one and only soulmate.

You. 

Thank you for reading! For more of my works: m.list

#bts #bangtan #bangtan fanfic #jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jeon jungkook #jungkook fic #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts fluff #bts soulmate au #jungkook soulmate au #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts imagines #jungkook imagines #jungkook x reader

[dragon-kazansky]

Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo

Bodyguard AU! 🕶

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

I'll be waiting for your responses eagerly. Come at me!

Warnings: Blood. Stabbing.

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 13

The night of the party. Helmut had organised an outfit to be delivered to you before hand, so right now you have been in your room awaiting it.

You had been waiting in worry. Every possible outcome of how tonight could go had run through your head. You were certain Walker would make an appearance tonight and you had to be on high alert to protect Zemo.

A knock sounds at your door. You get up and answer it. One of the maids stands there with a box in her arms. She holds it to you. You take it, thanking her. The maid leaves. You close the door and walk over to your bed, where you then place the box. You open it.

You can't help the chuckle that escapes you.

You take out the expensive looking clothes. You already knew he had fine taste, but to think he would extend that to you, it was almost overwhelming. You don't think you've ever worn something that looked like it's price tag may have more zeroes than you're comfortable with.

Regardless, you put it on.

Just as you're about done getting ready, there is another knock at your door. This time you look at yourself in the mirror as your heart skips a beat. You don't look like you. At least, not a you that you've ever known. It felt strange not to be putting on your usual suit to do a job.

You looked amazing. There was no better way to put it.

Another knock.

"Come in."

Helmut opens the door and slips into the room. You watch him in the reflection of the mirror. You smile, unable to contain it. After his confession, you feel all the more giddy when you see him.

It comes as no surprise he is also dressed to the nines. The man has immaculate taste in everything.

He's smiling at you.

Helmut comes to stand behind you, but by the time he gets there, you're standing up and facing him. The way he looks at you makes you forget how to breathe for a moment and you have to try and gather yourself without looking like a fool.

He chuckles softly.

"Absolutely breathtaking," he whispers.

"Yes, you are," you say, not really meaning to say that out loud, but it's too late to take it back. You know he heard you because of his smile.

He reaches out. You do nothing as he pulls you a little closer and looks at you.

"Shall we?" He asks, voice soft and low.

You nod.

Helmut offers you his arm. You take it. You walk together upstairs to the main hall of the estate. When you get there you are greeted with a crowd of people. So many people. The whole estate had people walking around, laughing, chatting, and dancing.

"You went all out."

Helmut smiles smugly.

"I told you, my house, I'll do what I like. I wanted a party, so a party we shall have."

He guides you further into the room. He smiles at people as you both pass through the crowds.

You had to admit, it was a thrilling experience. You had never been to a party like this, well, as a guest anyway. Normally you were on the sidelines observing and looking for any trouble.

Speaking of, you briefly catch your friends on duty. They are scattered about the room, all in great spots should things happen, but you also wondered if it was enough.

If John Walker was serious about killing Zemo, then he would use this party to his advantage, and would be smart about it too. Zemo was practically inviting him into his own, daring him to come and try.

That's what worried you the most.

"May I have this dance?" The Baron asks, smiling at you in the centre of the room.

You chuckle softly.

"I suppose."

He rolls his eyes with a grin and pulls you in close. You hope he cannot hear your heart racing rapidly in your chest. This man was making you feel things you never thought you would ever experience. How could he get you to swoon with so few actions and words?

The smile he gives you is devastatingly handsome. You're resisting the urge to melt in his arms as his eyes sparkle with a mischievous glint.

You're pulling against his chest, his face right close to your ear. You don't have to look to know he's smiling.

"See? Nothing to worry about. Just the two of us dancing in a crowded room."

"You realise that's what worries me? The room is packed with people. He could be here."

Helmut moves his head so he can look at you. His expression has fallen into something more serious.

"I won't let him hurt you."

"Stop it. That's my job. My life before yours," you tell him.

He shakes his head slowly.

"You don't understand, darling. I'm not here tonight as the Baron. I'm here as Colonel Zemo. I don't care of you're my bodyguard. Walker is a dead man if I see him, and then I'm going to take you in a proper date. I'm serious about you."

You stare at him, looking for a hint that he was messing with you, but you found nothing.

"Colonel Zemo?" You whisper.

Oh. Hearing you say that made his spine tingle. His eyes drop to your lips. You notice that. His eyes return to yours. He doesn't hesitate to kiss you.

You melt against him at last.

You give yourself to him fully. It's safe to say, you have made Helmut Zemo the proudest and happiest man in the world.

His lips were soft and warm. Your fingers, which were threading through his hair, felt how soft and fluffy his hair was. These aren't things you had thought about before, but now you write sure you wouldn't be forgetting this moment.

You wanted to stay like that forever.

Screaming.

You hear screaming.

Both of you part ways and turn your head sharply in the direction it was coming from. Helmut wraps his arms around you and holds you close to him. His gaze is hard and cold as he tries to find out what's going on.

Though you're still flustered from the kiss, you are quick to get your head back into the game.

You realise what he's doing and switch it up, pulling him behind you roughly. He is less than impressed of your move.

More screaming. People begin to scatter.

"Let me protect you," he hisses in your ear.

You turn to face him and shake your head.

"Y/N."

A gunshot rings out. You give Helmut a hard shove. He scatters backwards,unable to grab onto anything to stay upright. You look up and nod.

Natasha had her eyes in you. She nods back and does not hesitate to hop over the railing of the balcony above. She lands with a hard thud and hurried over to where the Colonel was now sitting up.

You're gone. He can't see you. In that second you had pushed him, you had rushed off and now he couldn't see you.

"Y/N!"

Natasha grabs him by the arms and pulls him up. He doesn't even look at her. He tries to push her away to go look for you, but she's tougher than she looks. Natasha holds him back.

"We have to go."

"No. If this is Walker, Y/N is not safe," he growls.

"Look, I know you're in love with them, we love them too, but Steve made a promise with them and I'm not about to break it."

Helmut turns to look at her sharply.

"What did they promise?"

"That we would carry on with our duty no matter what happened."

He glares harshly. He is not here to play nice. Helmut had only just won you over, he was not about to lose you now.

"Let go of me."

She does not.

"That's an order."

She releases him. He adjusts his jacket and storms off through the crowds, who were making their way out. This was not the party they had come for.

Natasha sighs.

"Forgive me, Y/N." She storms off after Zemo, not willing to let him go alone.

When you pushed Zemo down, your eyes caught sight of the man you hated more than anyone. He was smirking at you. He bolted the moment you saw him. You gave chase. You chased him up the long staircase, away from the party.

The crowds were thinning, he would have no one to hide behind. That also left you open too.

You saw him dart into one of the guest bedrooms. You rushed over to the door and opened it rapidly, coming to a step inside.

You didn't see Walker.

However, the room wasn't empty. Hoskins, Walker's right hand man, was standing opposite you. He had a gun in his hand, aimed right at you.

"Where is he?" You ask.

"Not here."

"This is a trap isn't it?"

He smiles, but it's not a happy smile.

"You've left the Baron's side. He's exposed."

"I can assure you, he is well guarded."

"Is he? Do you even know who you are up against?"

"I know the type of person I'm up against," you say, heart beating faster than you would like.

You're scared. You are genuinely scared.

Hoskins can see your fear.

"You're afraid. Walker already has an advantage over you."

You shake your head.

"This is a trap."

"You're smart. He likes that. Heike was smart too. It's something he loved about her."

You shake your head and turn around quickly. However, your exit is blocked. Walker stands menacingly in the doorway. He stares down at you with a sinister grin upon his face.

In his hand is a knife, glistening in the light.

Your fear grows. You didn't want to be here. You didn't want to be alone.

"Helmut..." you whisper.

Walker steps closer.

"It's a shame he had to fall in love with you. If he hadn't, your life wouldn't matter so much to me. Now, I need to use you to break down his walls."

"He will kill you," you stay, trying to keep your voice level.

"No. He will bend to me. He will kneel down and do whatever I want him to. He will bend to me."

It happens so quickly.

The knife is plunged into your abdomen. You can only stare wide eyed at Walker as your hand grab at his wrist. Even in your panicked state, where you stand with a knife in you, you know you need that knife to stay there.

Walker knows you need that knife to stay there.

That's why he takes it out.

You fall to your knees as your hands try cover the wound. He drops the knife near you and gives you a push a with his boot clad foot. You topple over and gasp loudly. Tears fall, gasps escape your lips rapidly.

Your blood was warm in your hands.

Walker and Hoskins step over you and leave. You lie there, hands at your stomach, eyes trained on the door.

You were supposed to protect him.

Helmut...

As if he had heard your thoughts, the man himself enters the room. It was the only room on this floor with door left wide open.

Walker and Hoskins were long gone.

All thoughts leave him as he kneels down beside you. He cradles you, trying to be mindful of your wounds, but he is so overcome with worry, he isn't careful enough.

"No. No!"

You look up at him. You're bleeding all over him now.

"Helmut..."

He hushes you, look down at you as he place one hand on your cheek. He needs you to look at him.

"Why did you have to run off like that?"

You go to answer but he stops you.

Natasha enters in a rush. She can't believe what she's seeing. This is far worse than last time. There was so much red.

"GET HELP!" Helmut yells, looking up at her.

Natasha scurried away.

You cry softly.

Helmut leans down and presses soft, though slightly sloppy, kisses to your forehead. He cradles you to him, using one hand to press over yours where the wound bled profusely.

"You'll be OK. You're going to be fine."

You can only cry softly as you try to cling to his warmth.

You can hear his soft cries. You can feel his heart hammering away inside his chest.

"Helmut..."

"Don't talk," he says, closing his eyes as he holds you. You were going to be alright. He would make sure of it. He will look after you.

"I love you."

He looks down at you quickly, lips parted as he tries to work put if he actually heard that.

"I love you," you said again.

"You do?" He asks, softly.

You manage a smile.

"I do."

It's then your eyes flutter closed. Panic sets in and he gives you a shake.

"Stay awake."

You keep your eyes closed.

"Y/N, stay awake!"

Nothing.

Steve and Bucky reach the end of the corridor. Natasha had called for help, passing them along the way. As quickly as she could, she told them what happened.

As they reached the hall, they come to a stop.

A sound so broken comes from up ahead.

A cry so sad, so broken, so devastated, halts them in their tracks.

And they know it belongs to the Baron.

Both of them take off.

They reach the doorway and both want to take back everything they thought they were seeing.

They wanted to believe they weren't looking at Baron Helmut Zemo cradling your body.

@thesuitkovian @justfangirlthingies @belle82devart @anteroom-of-death @silverlambcaptain @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @lieutenantn @daniielbruhl @awesomesauce-abbie @latenightartist-author @lazygurl05 @rumblelibrary @nonamec0s @shura-gorl @ginger-abreu @caligrl1992 @livvyshmiv @luciadiosa @vverliebt @tatooineisdry @charistory @somethingthatsaysbubbles @apparrio @alex-the-nb @thewrongkhristol @hb8301 @the-chaotic-cow @mssennimatilda @uncomfortablebagel @fictionlandslanddreams @madhatter2727 @kinismanditory @the-webkinz-kier

#marvel #zemo x reader #helmut zemo x reader #helmut zemo #au #baron helmut zemo #zemo #bodyguard au

[fightabear]

so some time ago, someone asked me to do meta about a scene in Injustice and i wanted to revisit that scene with the scene from Year Zero in mind. and then i ended up getting deeply into injustice damian, his relationship with his two awful dads, and it’s kind of a mini character essay?

so! here’s a warning for: tyrannical totalitariam regimes, child abuse, abusive fathers, emotional manipulation, evil superman, character death & also random he-man. please note that this is entirely about injustice and its characters, which are not a reflection on their mainstream counterparts.

there’s tension between damian and bruce from the get-go in injustice, and we’re never really told why. if we take cues from the game (though that entire scene doesn’t make sense) then it’s because bruce didn’t save jason, which fits in with my reordered robin theory in which tim and jason were switched, and jason has only recently died.

now, we don’t know whether jason is running around as red hood right now or not. but i’m inclined to say he isn’t, as his injustice 2 ending makes a big deal of him becoming red hood. and damian is close with jason in injustice 2, close enough that jason listens when damian tells him that he’s a lot more than bruce thinks he is and drops the shitty batman costume. close enough that during the (extremely weird, extremely out of alignment with the comic) scene in injustice 2 where damian betrays bruce for clark, jason is the name damian throws at him with the most vehemence. regardless of the robin ordeer, bruce’s failure to save jason is seems to be an incredibly sore point between them.

so it’s interesting that bruce is already counting damian out before injustice even starts. he’s comparing damian to jason - someone who he apparently no longer considers part of his legacy. 

the kicker is: damian in injustice is actually probably the most morally centered version of himself. he shows open compassion and care for other people more often than he does in most of the mainstream runs. damian’s sense of right and wrong is solid, but what he wants is to break the cycle that gotham is trapped in. which from his perspective, is something bruce doesn’t seem to want to do.

injustice’s version of bruce is someone who truly believes that the ends justify the means - which means he’s apt to do some heinous things to people until they see his side of things. he seems to view people questioning as an act of betrayal, so instead of ever explaining himself he resorts to things like installing viruses in cyborg, kidnapping hawkgirl and replacing her, beating allies within an inch of their life - all of it is fine to him so long as they’re not dead. 

but it’s not fine to damian.  damian is constantly horrified at the lengths bruce will go to.

damian is afraid of his father. 

so, this is about a specific scene.  let’s get to that scene. its just important to note the difference between them, and emphasize that he’s not going with any intent to fight. if he was going to do that, he wouldn’t be doing this:

or respond like this:

or this:

he’s there to make amends, or at least try to. he still loves his father and he wants to be forgiven, and this is something that will carry on ten years later in injustice 2. damian made the choice to oppose bruce’s controlling nature but damian didn’t choose to abandon him and the bat family permanently. that choice was made for him. damian wants to come home. 

and he’s terrified of his father. i cannot stress that enough. bruce at this point has already shown that he knows how to hurt his closest friends if they oppose him.

damian is a highly trained fighter, but he’s also a  thirteen year old boy who knows he can’t overpower a man twice his size and weight.

and bruce?

bruce’s entire argument really hinges on ‘you, my thirteen year old son, didn’t take my side in this argument’. because, i have to put this in bold, the league was not executing the criminals they were removing from arkham. they were just transferring them to a more secure facility. something which is actually sorely needed, especially given what has just happened to metropolis. arkham isn’t fit to house them. and as far as damian sees it, bruce doesn’t like it because it’s removing an element of his control.

now, bruce isn’t wrong about how things will escalate. 

but damian’s not wrong about his motivation here.  i think there’s a conversation to be had about how bruce’s methods in trying to stop the regime actually drove it to further and further extremes. bruce never tries to talk to clark - or anyone, really. he just starts playing mind games to make them do what he wants.

it harkens back to the conversation bruce and dick have in the batplane. that bruce doesn’t talk to people, he doesn’t explain himself. he’s either right or you’re wrong and he won’t explain his stance. there is never room for debate. he’ll just stop talking and leave until you agree.  there is no option where he sits and listens to an open and honest dialogue, no scenario where he entertains that he might be in the wrong or maybe things aren’t black and white.

and that’s why injustice bruce is not a good guy. 

even on prime earth, damian had to bend over backwards to prove to bruce that he wasn’t a monster. it was damian who spent months digging through the sewers for martha’s pearls. damian who had to prove he was capable of loving titus. damian who constantly had to show that he was capable of empathy and thinking of others - bruce did none of the heavy lifting in that father-son relationship, he made damian climb the entire hill and still continues to put little effort into it.

and injustice bruce is even less empathetic and expressive than prime bruce.  

which is why you get a confrontation like this:

this goes beyond dick’s accident and ties back into what clark said about bruce not tending to his son’s who are grieving because they lost friends in metropolis.  damian’s fed up with never meeting bruce’s expectations. but more than that, he’s fed up with his feelings coming second to bruce’s. 

bruce has already made a judgement on who and what damian is. damian has the potential to be dangerous and requires work to fix, and so he’s not interested in getting to know him beyond that. he tells dick that he’s “worried about  damian being seduced by darkness” but never talks to damian himself with him about it.

but clark has looked at damian and and decided that damian is good. damian has problems, clark can admit that and does, but damian is good. like bruce himself.

and ultimately why when dick dies, clark is the one that reaches out to him because he sees damian for what he is: grieving child who just made a terrible mistake. it was an accident. damian didn’t mean for this to happen. meanwhile, bruce feels as though he was proven right. damian was dangerous and now his real son is dead. bruce will later admit, once he stops trying to manipulate damian, that damian was dead to him the moment dick died.

going back to year zero for a minute, they subtly show that damian is doing his best to be like bruce. baby damian idolizes his father. so i imagine a lot of bruce’s own feelings towards damian stem from self-hatred. from bruce seeing himself in his son and not liking the reflection it forces him to confront. injustice bruce projects a great deal of his own insecurities and shortcomings onto his youngest. damian is his worst what-if.

even though damian doesn’t deal with his grief the way bruce does. there are similarities, he puts his feelings into his fists and hits. just like bruce. but unlike bruce, and most likely because of dick, he does try to communicate. come injustice 2 he even talks about his feelings.

that doesn’t justify any of the violent outbursts. and he has a lot of them. he has significant issues with controlling his anger and struggles with lashing out, verbally and physically. it both worsens and improves as he gets older.

damian knows that he’s more than his grief, his loss, his anger. he’s also compassionate and capable of incredible feats of kindness. we see that in the flashback chapter in injustice 2. people aren’t pawns for damian, they aren’t a means to assuage his own guilt and validate himself as a good person. he wants to be good for those people.

damian’s relationship with heroism isn’t built on an intrinsic need for control or power, nor is it a means of validating his self worth.

people just need him. they’re suffering.  and he wants to be there for them.

but again, we’re not there yet.

so, alfred reaches out to touch damian. damian asks him repeatedly to let go. when alfred doesn’t, damian tries throwing him off, not realizing how much strength he now possesses.

damian  has a thing about being touched when he’s wound up tightly. it almost always ends with him lashing out at someone. which, tying back into why he felt comfortable coming back here, probably goes into his expectation that he’s going to get the lights knocked out of him. because again, damian did not go to the cave to fight or hurt anyone. the pill is entirely for his own defense.

from what we know of damian’s childhood in both prime and injustice, violence is the expected retaliation for misbehavior. toeing out of line is grounds for getting the shit beaten out of you, and while things should be different here....

from how bruce reacts he’s not wrong to expect it.  note that bruce dodesn’t run to alfred to see if he’s okay, he goes after damian for hurting him. it’s damian who runs to alfred after he’s thrown bruce away from him.  

( granted, yes, he threw bruce into the penny and it almost crushes alfred )

damian apologizes and he means it.  alfred’s first question is to ask for bruce.  

“”hawkgirl”” intervenes to try to end this fight before it can escalate further.

damian deduces that this isn’t hawkgirl and blows some stuff up.  bruce calls after him probably - not to have a serious heart to heart with him about what just happened, or what happened in arkham, but to try to manipulate him into taking bruce’s side or in the very least stop his ruse from being uncovered.

this is a theme moving forward. bruce will dangle forgiveness in front of damian, but only when it benefits him and can be used to control him. eventually he’ll stop and will use the guilt he knows damian feels to wound him.

and here’s the second theme it introduces: damian is scared shitless of his father. he’s not afraid of bruce’s violence, as after this he charges straight for him time and time again, but he is utterly terrified of the lengths bruce will go to get his way.

this is also where he takes dick’s suit. i think this was his way of telling bruce that he didn’t deserve to use dick’s memory the way he uses his parent’s death - as justification for what he does.  this comes up in injustice 2 later down the road, damian will bring up that bruce uses his pain to justify how he brutalizes the people around him. damian does the same thing -- but we also see damian grappling with his conscience about it. he wants to be better. he doesn’t want to be all his violence and loss.

back to the topic at hand, damian doesn’t do anything with dick’s suit. unlike bruce, damian doesn’t wear his grief and guilt in plain sight. he puts it in a box and doesn’t look at it, he covers the wounds with anger and as he gets older, develops a death wish and basically begins seeking a noble death in order to make up for what he’s done. it isn’t until dick passes the mantle to him in an attempt to steer him back on the right path that he even looks at it again.

damian isn’t the one that ended his relationship with bruce. bruce did. damian is very willing to reconcile if bruce genuinely wants it, but bruce doesn’t bother with damian outside of combat or when he needs something. damian actually keeps up visits with alfred, he gets him birthday presents, they meet up often and despite their opposing viewpoints, they get along just fine. damian even listens to what alfred says. he still loves his family.

damian himself is a mess. this line resonates because damian, too, is afraid. afraid of bruce, afraid of being what bruce thinks he is. there’s only so far he can bury it under the anger.

by the next issue of year one, after the confrontation at the manor, damian’s discarded any notion that bruce is a good person or justified in anything he does. everything he says on this page is true.

he’s not wrong. he’s more than bruce has even given him credit for being. injustice bruce sorts people into boxes impossible to climb out.  damian made his attempt at reconciliation and instead, found out that bruce has kidnapped and replaced one of his friends to spy on all the rest. in that split second when bruce came at at him, he saw the disgust and anger in his eyes. he’s seen how bruce sees him and wholeheartedly rejects it. 

he doesn’t want to be bruce. he will not be bruce.

batman was supposed to be better than the league. it was supposed to be a new way. instead he just found a new, different means to brutalize and control, and a new way someone justifies causing harm. and he doesn’t want it.

this isn’t to say that damian is a saint. he’s a very flawed, very broken person. he went from one abusive parental situation, to another, to another, and has the damage to show for it. he’s got bad habits from all of them, many of which he isn’t aware of or doesn’t think are a problem. 

but unlike his two dads, damian doesn’t close himself off to what he’s feeling completely, nor does he decide to rush towards external solutions for his pain. he’s, again, very aware that something is wrong. he doesn’t hold to his convictions the same way bruce or clark do, he questions.  he’s deeply unhappy with who he is and what he’s doing. 

but damian is seeking answers using a very limited toolset, and there’s a very limited pool of people he can ask that won’t give him a biased answer or try to manipulate him for their own means. one of the people he confides in does just that.

the other gives him the honest truth.

his relationship with selina is fraught and she’s often one of the very nastiest people towards him, but it’s because of that  he ends up opening up to her. she isn’t going to bullshit him and just say what he wants to hear.

and this is what makes damian different from them. both of them.

because he stops, because he questions, he’s still connected to reality. to his own humanity.

injustice’s bruce is a bruce that has quietly let his humanity die. he’s completely given over to the cold logic of batman and the idea that whatever he does to the people around him, no matter how morally dubious, is justified so long as it means protecting lives. he might not kill, but he really stops just short of that. he just doubles down on his beliefs and takes anyone who doesn’t agree with him as a traitor. he will go out of his way to rationalize how a largely guilty person is innocent (harleen) and how a largely innocent person is guilty (damian). and so he uses damian’s “betrayal” - ie, damian standing with clark instead of him - as justification for icing him out. that way he can ignore all the people who have reminded him time and time again that it was an accident.  

bruce also can’t stand that damian won’t do what he says. bruce will ignore damian unless it benefits him. bruce will go on to frequently weaponize how badly damian wants forgiveness against him. there are multiple instances where he says “just do as i say and i’ll forgive you, son.”

and then in the next breath, he’ll tell damian that he “can’t forgive the deaths”, all the while he has harleen as his new sidekick.   it’s fine that harleen helped with the scheme to blow up metropolis, killed jimmy olsen, and countless others. it’s not fine that damian did something he did all the time to dick - something dick himself shrugged off, because the expectation for this behavior was that dick would catch the baton - and it ended in tragedy.

because harleen listens to him and damian doesn’t. bruce cuts damian neatly out of his life and only really cares about him again when he’s a corpse.

damian, meanwhile, never stops trying to earn bruce’s forgiveness. in the canonical bad end (or well a comic offshoot of the canon ending) damian essentially dies begging bruce to forgive him, admitting that he always cared. he launches an absolutely insane rescue mission to save his father from clark’s torture and it costs him his life.

( but it’s worth mentioning - it takes damian showing bruce an image of kara for bruce to acknowledge him. )

even before this, damian was looking out for bruce in other ways. he was the reason selina got involved with the regime. because he offered her the chance to join and save bruce. damian’s anger towards bruce is less that he wants him dead, and more that bruce won’t stop unless he’s killed.

and damian is willing to kill him if bruce poses a threat to his ‘new’ family. he’s not going to watch bruce hurt the people he loves.

but his new father sucks just as much as his old one.

talia and bruce were more obviously abusive parents. they were controlling and sometimes asserted that control and obedience using physical violence and intimidation. in obvious ways you can point to and see abuse. 

damian doesn’t recognize clark is using him until he sees clark discard kara, who should be everything to clark and is someone important to damian. before that, he has inklings that they’ve gone too far, but clark has been such a paragon of good that when he tells damian not to worry about it, he doesn’t. he hides all his darkness behind that  smile and tells damian he’s good and worthy of people loving him, that they’re saving people and they won’t let another metropolis happen. clark talks to him and still (seems to) accept him even when they disagree.

damian misses clark’s equally as abusive tendencies because they hidden under the guise of a fatherly concern. 

clark is manipulating him into divulging more than he wants to. a boundary damian set is being broken without damian even realizing it.  damian’s uneasy. his body language goes from very easy and relaxed to overtly uncomfortable and almost submissive. it’s also very subtle but clark actually rises higher off the ground to intimidate and loom over him.

damian, who has only known bruce’s stormy silences in moments of disagreement, doesn’t recognize this for what it is.  clark doesn’t take the slight out on him. clark doesn’t stop talking to him because he dared to question.

instead, he loops an arm around damian and praises him, rewards him for being honest and makes it seem like this is an open dialogue and not an interrogation. which it is. i wouldn’t call it gaslighting, but i would call it lovebombing. damian doesn’t realize that there was anything off about the encounter, or if he does, he’ll tell himself he’s just being paranoid.

after all. this ended amicably, not with him standing alone wondering what he did wrong, or being thrown across the room. clark basically stops just shy of ruffling his hair and calling him sport. 

he was rewarded for honesty. and so any discomfort he felt was imagined.

 i think a thing that a lot of fans miss is that injustice’s damian is a forthright person. he doesn’t lie or deceive much, and later on it will bother him that he’s keeping secrets from kara for ‘the greater good’. he loathes that bruce does it and works hard to not fall into that trap. he wants to be honest. he’s glad when he’s rewarded for that honesty. 

because injustice’s damian doesn’t want to be batman. he wants to be superman. he wants to be good.

but injustice’s superman is not a good man. 

clark keep secrets, many terrible secrets, and often hurts people and justifies it to himself. he just hides it far better than bruce does.  clark is even more controlling and cruel, but he leans harder into his humanity and emotions to hide it. it’s easier to see bruce being cold and calculating and miss the way clark subtly uses what you want to get what he wants out of you. and you never really see it coming when he lashes out. he’ll apologize for it, of course, and if you’re not dead you’ll forgive him, because it’s clark. he didn’t mean it. right?

bruce manipulates overtly and grandly using intimidation, clark manipulates subtly using emotion. damian only recognizes one of these things when they happen.

so clark gives damian what he wants - a parent who loves him, someone he can talk to and even show a little vulnerability with - and then uses that against him. 

the worst thing -  the very worst thing - is that bruce and clark love damian. he knows this. both seem to genuinely consider him their son. and he knows this.

in injustice vs motu, bruce snaps fully into awareness just as diana snaps damian’s neck. he’s awake just in time to watch his son die.    and when clark is brought onto the scene, clark falls to his knees and mourns damian and laments his role in driving him to this.

but they weaponize this parent-child bond he wants against him and each other. frankly, neither of them were very interested in him for who he was. nor for helping him be better and master his anger. damian’s body isn’t even cold before bruce uses it against clark, failing to acknowledge his own part in damian’s all too early demise.

he’s another chess piece on their board. one clark can use to wound bruce. one bruce can use to wound clark.

the person damian is when away from both of their influence is a more complete damian. he’s the very best of both of them.

the damian here is still curt and sometimes rude, but he laughs and bonds with the people around him. he values people’s freedom and seems to strive for honesty and communication. meaning no one is in his war to reclaim the world doesn’t want to be, and he makes no move without everyone knowing.

when he recruits adam,  he tells them their story and what they’ve gone through and gives adam the choice to join them or stay in eternia.

anyway, all of this is to say that even all these years later, i continue to be so sad about injustice damian wayne. 

edit:

now, there’s actually one other thing i want to bring up because i totally forgot about it.

so. issue 8 of injustice 2.  

if we’re going with the idea of the reordered robin theory, which is what makes the most sense to me considering jason’s age and the friction between bruce and damian, this before jason dies. and if i’m wrong and the robins don’t have a different order, then this is before some enormous event that broke the slowly building trust.

there’s none of the undercurrent of hostility and distrust that shows up in year 0, which is immediately before year 1. we’re not given a timeframe for when this occurs, either, it’s just happier times.

but what’s really hard to ignore is that the dynamic between bruce and damian is completely different here. maybe tom taylor’s just settled more into writing the two of them, but i don’t think so. year zero comes after this. 

he even acknowledges damian’s anger earlier in the chapter. but it’s less of a condemnation of his character and more a concern that he might not be ready to be on his own. alfred is the one advocating for caution, asking if he’s ready, bruce is the one saying yes, he is.

it’s a complete reversal.

and his trust is rewarded with a night of damian abandoning the “”mission”” he was given (get home from the furthest point of gotham in three hours) to help everyone along the way. which was the real goal all along, it was a test to see if damian’s compassion would win out over his want to win. and it does. bruce is proud of him.

so... what happened between them? what caused that shift? 

i’m kind of worried we’re never going to know. like, i’m so glad that tom taylor is dc’s new golden boy and they’re just letting him build a million different aus. i buy every book he writes. 

but also i’m dying because IJ2 was clearly planned to go on a lot longer than it did and i have questions that i know netherrealm doesn’t care about answering.

#damian wayne #injustice #bruce wayne #dick grayson #alfred pennyworth #jason todd #clark kent

[moonlightflower21]

ease my mind

a/n: angst. mentions of death. stabbings. all that good stuff. also includes mafia turtles. might not make sense but people wanted to read it so 🤷‍♀️😂

but anyway, as calm and collected and stoic leo can be, he has his weak points. he isn't immune to panic attacks or bad thoughts. enjoy!

How could this have happened? His world felt like it had crumbled to the very ground, turned into dust and flown mockingly into the air. Reminding how useless he truly was.

Leonardo watched his brothers follow inside the living room, Raph grabbing an ice pack to cool the knife cut bleeding out on his bicep. Mikey winced as he got rid of his waistcoat, untying his tie and letting it hang limply. His shirt was stained more in red than white, indicating his wound was deeper than he originally thought. Yet none of them spoke a word, barely even glancing in the leaders direction.

Leonardo looked at his team, most specifically Raphael. He had been quiet which had certainly been unlike him. Raph was never one to show how angry he was, always giving his opinion regardless of the topic so the silence coming from him was deafening.

"You good?" Leo's voice was slightly shaky not used to his hot headed brother being so silent about the obvious fail they just encountered.

Dark amber eyes connected with his and Leo didn't need to be a genius to know there was fury brewing behind those honeyed irises. Taking a breath in, he opened his mouth to say something but he noticed something else swirling into those eyes. Defeat.

"I'm sorry about.... You know I had-" "Fuck ya. That's.... all I gotta say ta ya. Yer really got some nerve ta put this on someone else. Get one thing straight, we're not indestructible. Not me or ya or Don or Mikey. But why am I wastin my breath on ya? Whatever I tell ya, yer just gonna go ahead and do the opposite. Like yer always do. And I'm gonna be the one ta help ya when yer run in ta issues. Like I always do" Raphael sneered, his hands in tight fists to control his temper. His tone was accusing, malicious towards Leo. And no one cane blame him.

"I'm not gonna bother waiting my time or energy bein' here. I can't do this no more" His harsh voice dropped to a whisper at the last sentence and he's not sure whether it's directed to his brother or to himself. He wanted to say something but nothing would be able to console how he's feeling tonight. Raph clenched his arm tightly, placing pressure in the damaged skin before pushing past his brother and to his own private room.

"Wait!" But the terrapin had left. Turning back to the rest of his team, Leo hoped he could explain what had happened. But their looks were cold and heartless.

Mikey stood tall, his stare in a hardened frown. He let out a small grunt, plastron burning with pain on his ride side.

"Look I'm-" "I've always stood by your decisions, always respected your commands and orders. But tonight was a fucking shit show and had you not lost focus, those innocent lives wouldn't have been taken. Some leader you are" Mikey scoffed, hands tingling with urges to beat the living shit out of someone. Leonardo stood, his brain unable to form comprehensible sentences to his answer. Was that how he truly felt?

"Mikey..." "Don't 'Mikey' me Leonardo. You were right after all. We may be brothers but we are not a team. Thank you for opening my eyes to that tonight" He snarled, a shaky breath as he applied too much pressure to his plastron. He swallowed hard, mind overflowing with poisonous thoughts suffocating his mind. Begging to be in a safe place but he couldn't find any. He didn't think he could ever feel safe anywhere. Not with his brothers or his family.

"Leave me alone. I have nothing to speak to you about, nor do I want to see your face tonight" Mikey uttered sharply, refusing to show any pain despite actively bleeding. He left in the other direction, retiring to his own personal chambers for the night. Leonardo gritted his teeth, trying to hold himself together. Trying to hold his composture together but it was dangerously close to crashing down. Maybe Donatello would listen. He was always good at reading people. Hopefully he could lend an ear before Leo's thoughts drive him insane.

"Don-" "I don't know what you wish to hear Leonardo. Me to say that it went good? That everything went well?? Raph nearly lost an arm, Mikey only has a new painful scar to his collection. You know how bad his plastron is damaged?? There's only so much that can be done to help it. And as for myself... well I'll let it speak for itself" Donnie lifted the side of his shirt, emitting a soft gasp from the eldest in absolute horror.

The wound was weeping, blood trickling down his abdomen soaking the rim of his pants. Leo's heart fell to the ground, his teeth sinking in his bottom lip to stop any vulnerability coming to light. Only know has it registered how much danger he had selfishly placed all his brothers in.

"But none of this matters to you does it? We're just soldiers to command, to help-" "That's not true Donatello!" Leo's voice came as a hoarse whisper, clenching his fingers tightly. Had his brother looked close enough, he would have seen Leonardo teetering off the edge of his sanity. The tremble in his body, the shaking of his arms despite how strong he stood, his eyes turning a deep blue emotionally overwhelmed.

"Isn't it?? Because the way I see it, you seem to have completely placed us at the sidelines. What happened to family? What happened to looking out for each other? What happened to your honour Leonardo?? These words you held with great pride are nothing but a jumbled mess of letters at your feet. If you cannot practise what you preach then I highly recommend you stop pretending otherwise. Excuse me, some of us have to help his family" Donatello frowned, walking past the blue cladded turtle to help his injured family members.

Leonardo's breath hitched, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and spilling down quietly his cheeks. Honour, justice, family.... these words were for heros. Words for people that helped their country, he didn't do any of those things. He was a villain, killing himself slowly with his actions.

Moments like these reminded of his haunted childhood, how Splinter berating him for being worthless, how he would never accumulate to anything. Tonight those very words repeated like a record in his brain, unable to pause or freeze and he sat there listening to it all. Because it was true. He wasn't some warrior or a soldier, he was a mistake. And those horrible words ring in his head like an alarm, he didn't deserve to live.

Leo made questionable decisions tonight but his brothers didn't know how much burden he carried on his shoulders. He wouldn't forget those who passed tonight nor did he forget the injuries inflicted on his brother because of him. Was this how he wanted his life to be? Was this worth the pain and failures? And no matter how much those humans had wronged him, he swore to never turn like Splinter had done. Though now he could see himself follow in those very footsteps, heart twisted with evil and brutal thoughts.

They all lay heavy on his mind, constantly mocking and torturing of him of the leadership he once held with great importance and dedication. But now it started to disintegrate, proving his worst fear true that he was simply unable to protect his loved ones. That he couldn't even help himself. He could feel himself spiralling out of control and its times like these, he wished someone would hold him tight Ground him to reality, pushing those thoughts out of his body instead of laying low waiting to strike at his most weakest.

There he sat, sinking further and further into the pit of depair and self-hatred wondering if anyone could ever rescue him from this prison.

Wondering if he ever deserved to feel any happiness.

Wondering if he was better off being alone.

#tmnt mafia!leonardo x reader #tmnt mafia!leonardo #tmnt mafia!leo

[spaghettiandart]

memories in three

Originally posted this on the aminos sometime during march, but decided (as of may 3 at 12 am) to post it here too! Yay spur of the moment decision! The rest of the post is from the blogs on the UT and UTAU aminos, and the story is under the cut.

author's note: this was mostly made to be part of my oc's backstory, but then i realized it could exist as a nice character development thing. the art was done on medibang paint and took 2 weeks.

characters: w. d. gaster, grillby, oc

categories: fluff, angst, friendship.

warnings: non-graphic violence, death, blood, mild language. 

word count: 4092

[I] |        one - the calm 

The time they had was always finite. Even at the genesis of it, they knew. They'd look at eachother, a circle of three, assigned to stick together and be loyal to one another, and they knew there'd be no way they'd get along. 

It was so easy to pretend, but with five months gone and passed it was getting harder to feign ignorance. 

The violent crackles and pops of Grillby's flames match the rapid beating of his SOUL, colors rising to the white and lowering until it was a pathetic red in uneven jitters of anxious panic. He focused on pouring the rum into the barbarously crafted wooden mug, the familiar motions soothing his shaking hands until he felt some semblance of normality surround him. 

The background quiet set him on edge, still. He could feel the flames on his shoulders worming their way through the openings on his armor, fingers immediately twitching to cast a flame ball, or reach for his sword, or pour another drink, or so something so that they weren't empty and susceptible to the whims of his ever-twisting emotions. 

The tension- oh, how he hated the tension. Being silent was his favorite sport, his carefully cultivated talent, but he was a creature born and bred to exist in the midst of warm chatter and noise. He was not the type of man to be relaxed in silent, cold hate, and neither was he the type to mediate it. 

Grillby picks up the three mugs by their handles, two hanging precariously from one hand, cradled to his chest, and the other already making its way to his mouth. The liquid stung at him, but not in the way human beverages did. While their concoctions were tasteless and lowered his HP by decimals, this was warm and fuzzy and the bubbly froth filled his mouth like cotton. 

His team was already there. WingDings Gaster, Grand Arcane Battle Artificer of the Deltarune Legion, and Igneous No-Name, Grand Arcane Battle Mage-Scribe of the Deltarune Legion. The names were long in Human English, even longer in traditional Monster languages, but Titles had Meanings and must be Specific and Precise so as to grant Monster the Respect they Deserve. Said verbatim by his own King when he was given his title. 

(Grillby No-Name, Fifth General of the Deltarune Legion, was what was inscribed on the back of the wings of his own silvery Deltarune-Symbol pendant. Every Monster soldier got one, regardless of their station and their specific designations. His own was cold enough for precipitation to collect on the metal, enchanted to withstand heat damage.)

His enchanted helmet is resting on a stack of parchment like a paperweight, turned away from the table so that its face was pointed at the wall. The silence was turned up tenfold the minute Grillby sheepishly walked into their section of the "room", and the two magic-users turned their mutual cold shoulder on him as well.

It shouldn't hurt, but Grillby had to stop himself from reeling as if he were struck by a physical hand. Oh, this wouldn't do. 

They were a team, after all. Of the same Legion, of the same Fifth Division, of the same status. The silence killed him, repulsed his being down to the core because it was so very anti-him. Anti-Flame Elemental, even, because even when they were quiet the crackling of their flames were enough to communicate their feelings to another. 

He only had body language to go off of the two. They may be masters at putting up facades, but he was a master of interpreting them, so the minute he sets the mugs down on the table he immediately pushed the stack of books piled in between Gaster and Igneous like a great wall crumbling to the ground, uncaring of the way the two jumped and jolted at the noise. 

His SOUL pounded, filled with anxiety and slight reprieve at the sound, but he needed more. He hated speaking, he much rather would be the one spoken to, but there are little people to be found who'd like to ramble for hours on end to a stranger save for drunken heretics at the little old tavern he used to manage decades ago. 

"What in the goddamn are you doing?" Igneous exclaimed, hood haphazardly slipping off her head and catching onto her big ears, holding on for dear life in a losing battle. 

"I concur. What on Earth is wrong with you?" Gaster snapped the large tome he was pretending to read shut, the sudden action too surprising for him to not address.

Grillby takes the time to sip from his mug, before setting it down lightly. "... You're both acting like children when we are all adults. Talk out your problems."

Igneous glared at him with an impressive amount of venom. For someone with only two eyes to convey emotion, she knew how to convey it. "I am not talking to a child murderer."

The remaining monster in the room scowled at Igneous, and then at Grillby. "Tell the Mage that human children are the easiest and most reliable source of SOULs to harvest to bolster our ranks."

Igneous' eyes narrowed and her glare intensified. "Tell the Artificer that by killing the humans' children we'd only encourage them to attack as harder. Also tell him he's a shitbag for suggesting it in the first place."

"Tell the Mage that she's a naive twat if she thinks that war can be won with no sacrifices."

"Tell the Artificer that sacrifices of that degree are uncalled for and that he smells of elderberries."

"I do NOT smell like elderberries you-"

Grillby clapped his hands once. A burst of flame shot out from the vents on his shoulders and the palms of his hands, making the bickering pair freeze simultaneously from where they were slowly turning their heads to face each other. 

"This is what I am talking about," the Swordsman looked at them both with a disappointed gaze from behind his crystalline glasses. "... Children, we are adults. You're going to apologize to each other and agree to disagree, or else I will burn one of the books you collected from the Human Mages."

Gaster slammed his hands down on the table and began to stand, expression thunderous. Igneous' eyes widened to such a degree that they threatened to pop out of her head, and she snapped her head back as if he struck her. 

"Child number one, sit down. Child number two, stay quiet- I know you will say something and I will make you regret it," Grillby steepled his fingers, the effort of speaking for so long already taking the energy out of him. He heaved in a breath, the air making his flames crackle with strength. "... Child number one- it may be hard to realize this, but killing children is inarguably immoral and degenerate. Child number two- I advise you to set your pride aside, else your inability to accept the flaws of your naivety may cause you more harm than good... Now apologize, because I am becoming very annoyed at having to speak so much..."

The two stared at him as if he sprouted a second flaming head from his shoulder. Grillby lit up a single finger and held it over a stray paper on the table that escaped his rampage on their books. 

Gaster was the first to break. "... ahem," he shifted uncomfortably, and stuck his nonexistent nose in the air so that he looked down at Igneous. "I suppose that I will have to concede at that. Your... interesting... worldview is something we can't quite see eye to eye on."

Grillby stared at him harder, and his shoulders slumped as he hunched over the table.

"And I apologize for my unprofessional conduct," he sighed, picking at the knicks and scratches in his hands in a nervous manner.

The Spirit Remnant stared at the- Skeleton? Shadow Creature? Wraith? Gaster never disclosed what kind of monster, exactly, he was- with clear contempt that faded away into uncomfortable and annoyed vulnerability. She rolled her shoulders, tail curling around her left ankle protectively.

"You're still a terrible creep, and I cannot deny that I would sooner pound you to dust with my bare hands than see you harm a child of any kind," she said, quietly, "but I understand that... things must be done for the greater good, sometimes. I apologize."

The air became heavy with guilt and frustration at that, but at least they weren't outright holding each other in contempt. Grillby prepared himself to speak for hopefully the last time that day. 

"... Good. Adult One, Adult Two, may I present to you your rewards for acting your age," he slid over the mugs of wine to the both of them, glad that he couldn't physically let out the relieved sigh he would have released were he able to breathe at the sight of the suddenly bright expressions the two had.

Igneous casted a furtive, unsure glance at Gaster, who angled his body away from the both of them and glared at the papers beneath him. He didn't cover them from her view when she leaned over to glance at them, her brows quirking in question as she took another sip. 

The mood didn't instantly change to comfortable. They didn't relax around each other, not immediately. But Grillby could feel the tension in his shoulders drift away as he watched Igneous quietly shoot the other with a question, and Gaster exchanging it with one in return. 

The stress of the war was taking its toll on him, but seeing the two gratefully take small sips of his homemade rum and shyly exchange words about their respected professions made the weight on his chest lighten just a little. 

|        two - the storm 

The battle is disorganized chaos, and he hates it. Not for the slaughter, not for the blood shed, not for the dust carried by the wind. He hates the sheer animalistic frenzy everyone on the battlefield was sent into- it's as if the second the fight began the primal instinct in their minds seemed to suddenly reveal itself, possessing their bodies and taking away their willpower to keep their hidden urges hidden. 

Such was evident in the human shoving his sword into the throat of a bunny monster, rendering them to dust before the blade could slice its way out. Or a monster with a dragon's muzzle unhinging its jaw like a snake and snapping up a human mage, their spine crushed under the pressure in an instant. 

Or even his own... companions, battling back to back against a frenzy of knights, swords gleaming and magic spewing around them. They were beaten down, armor covered in mud and muck, and from the minute trembling carried across their bodies it seemed as if they were ready to topple at any moment. 

Gaster's fists tightened as his Special Attack blasted yet another beam of energy to render a pitiful human to ash, the conjured hands twisting in midair before flocking to his sides like a pair of dogs. He looked down from the cliff he was standing on at the clearing they were fighting in, chest heaving from exertion. He couldn't let it overtake him, not yet, but the exhaustion was close to killing him. His limbs hurt to their very core. 

Igneous and Grillby were practically attached at the spine with how closed in they were. Igneous had snaked a hand around a human's neck, crushing his windpipe before resting her weight on Grillby's back and launching herself in the air. 

Her conjured wings flung out from her back, and she slammed her foot into the chest of another knight, caving it in from the magically-reinforced pressure. 

Despite the human bodies piling up around them, more seemed to flood the two as if recognizing them to be the heavy hitters they were. A human swung out with his sword, and Grillby caught it with his own flaming one, pushing it back. The two were neck and neck, heels dug into the ground as the gleaming blades fought against each other. The human's head shifted forward, as if they were saying something, and Grillby's flames burst into a column of blue, indignant fire. 

The human took the opening his anger gave them by twisting their body and throwing their weight into Grillby's chest, pummeling him into Igneous and the ground. 

Igneous flipped head over heels, wings dissipating as she lied face down. Grillby was shakily getting up, but the human struck out and suddenly there was a hole in the side of his armor, frost creeping around it. 

Gaster scowled, and took a few steps back from the cliff in preparation. A voice behind him interrupted his motions. 

"You meet your end, monster," a voice hissed from behind him. He tilted his head slightly, and upon seeing that it was only a mage he scoffed. 

"Do tell the clouds hello," Gaster flicked the human mage away with little pressure and much disdain from one of the conjured hands, and set his jaw as he hopped onto the back of one of his hands. There was no time to be wasted with meaningless banter.

Hell would sooner freeze over than him seeing his fr- companions, his companions- Fall Down. 

Smaller hands materialized around his body, hitting and punching and swatting away oncoming attackers as he rode the hand down the side of the cliff. The fingers stretched out, and he bent his knees ever so slightly. 

As the end of the cliff was reached, curving into the clearing, he jumped with all his might off the hand and to the side, landing in a roll before hopping to his feet. 

The hand continued on, and barrelled into the human slowly approaching Grillby with the force of a stampeding bull. 

Their sword flew out of their hand and embedded into the bark of a nearby tree with a 'thunk!' and Igneous quickly picked up the slack as the hand dissipated, energy coalescing in her hands. Feathers caged the human in.

"... God... no, no," the human moaned in pain, attempting to get up on their elbows. They glared up at the three just as Grillby picked up his sword from where it lay discarded on the ground, grip trembling. 

"You dirty freaks," the human weakly said, their chest heaving and breath wheezing. Perhaps that hand broke a few bones... oh well. Gaster found that he didn't much care about not knowing, this time, taking much pleasure in watching Grillby advance at the human with his own sword held aloft. 

"You're not m-monologuing, right?" Igneous spoke up, her own breath wheezy. Catching the brunt of Grillby's weight must have hurt, because her entire body was trembling with poorly hidden pain. Almost unconsciously, Gaster shifted his body so that he was in front of her. Her body was trembling in shock and indignation, eyes wide and animalistic as they focused on the human. She looked ready to pounce. "Goddamnit... what are you waiting for, Grillbz? Just end them already!" 

The human ignored her, slowly getting on their knees. Their fists clenched. "Y-you... you won't win this war. Kill me, but my brothers and sisters will avenge me! Our mages, our knights, our horses, our citizens- they'll all fight, all against you monsters!" 

"Please kill them," Igneous practically begged Grillby, her wispy 'hair' flickering piteously. "They’re not useful. They’re not- just- kill them, please.”

"No, wait," Gaster found himself muttering, suddenly. Igneous snapped her head in his direction, eyes wide- and he almost flinched back at the desperation in her eyes. What did that human say? "I want to see what he'll do."

Grillby was examining the human curiously. His masked head tilted this way and that, his hands exchanging the swords as he stood in front of the human, looking down at it. Music, unidentifiable in genre, played in the distance. 

The human looked up at him, glaring through the slits of their helmet. "You know... you know this. And... y-you know what I said before... I w-was right. Kill me, but you'll have to live with that... and that's enough for me to die happy."

There was silence. The two stared at each other, carefully. 

"Well?" The human barked. "You're not going to end it? Take me prisoner, then! Flaunt me around! I still won't-!"

Their head was on the ground in a SOULbeat. Gaster and Igneous took a simultaneous step back as blood stained the grass underneath the human, the armored Flame Elemental examining the corpse before kicking it on its side, stomping back to them.

"... Wasn't going to let their dying words be them telling me what to do," he muttered once he reached them. 

Igneous' shoulders seemed to drop suddenly, and she looked around them. Corpses, bodies, dust- they were all strewn about the battlefield haphazardly. There was no art behind them. No grand imagination from the divines above. 

Just the reeking scent of death lingering over them all. 

She took this in, much like Gaster was, and then looked at him. She had no mouth to smile with, but her eyes crinkled ever so slightly at the edges. 

"You saved our skins back there," she said, voice still quavering from the quiet horror carried within it, and reached out a hand to him. Gaster hesitated, but let it land on his shoulder. The tall monster gripped it firmly, resting her weight on it. "I won't forget this, you know."

"You can start bothering me about it tomorrow," Gaster said, feeling a bit lightheaded. 

Igneous shook her head at that, and gave it a few pats before moving away and CHECKing herself, digging around her small inventory for food. "I don't mean it like that. I mean- yes, I am absolutely going to tease you about this for the next month, but... you... you really do..."

Grillby sheathed his sword suddenly, and looked up at the cliff from where he rode down from. There was a quiet surrounding them. "... care about us."

Gaster shifted from foot to foot. He was no child. He was an adult, for God's sake. Why did he feel so... embarrassed, all of a sudden? 

A cheer rose up in a crescendo of voices from beyond the cliff just as the sun made its way to the top of Mt Ebott and began to hide behind it. The battlefield was painted in a swath of gold and pink, and suddenly he wasn't so much focused on the chaos of it all as he was on the way the colors seemed to highlight the edges and curves of the two in front of him, how it made them all the more... real. 

Gaster stepped closer to the two. "The humans have retreated. We should be... getting back, now."

It was Grillby who set a hand on his shoulder this time, his face pointedly looking away and at the sunset. "... five minutes."

"Ten," Igneous chimed in, brushing his arm with her own. 

The trio stood there throughout the sunset and into the night, and Gaster woke the next morning with his friends resting on either shoulder, the dewy grass fresh underneath him and the battle feeling as if it took place years ago instead of the evidence of it being right behind him. 

He watched the rising sun and smiled. There's the peace he was waiting for. 

|        three - the pieces

The last time Igneous woke up from her  Hibernation Pack, it was to a boss monster with kind eyes looming over her. 

She panicked, at first. Scrambled back, and then turned to alert the Spirit Remnants that she was resting with that there was an intruder in their den. 

All that she was met with was piles upon piles of dust. 

"I was able to stop him from hurting you, too," he had rumbled from behind her, " but I'm afraid that I was too late for your companions."

She turned back around, eyes wide with outrage. 

He held a paw out towards her, offering comfort. It was stained with the humans blood. 

She took it, and pulled him close, demanding that he give her a way to get revenge. His paw clenched involuntarily from surprise, and his dark claws nicked her ethereal skin. 

Her essence joined the human's blood, and in the budding tears in her eyes an agreement was formed. 

Centuries later, Igneous wakes up in a comfortable, warm bed inside a comfortable, warm home underneath the large mountain that she fought for her life on. 

The nightmares were long gone, and memories were reserved for the day to sort through. All that was left for her dreams was darkness and static and white, mutilated hands reaching out for her with holes dug deep into their palms.

She never remembered them, and woke up each morning with the sense of loss lingering heavily in her chest. 

In the room over, the sounds of chatter and the dinging of a bell signifying the front door opening and closing began to grow louder and more frequent. Igneous was frozen in the hallway connecting her and Grillby's bedrooms, curled up in a small armchair haphazardly placed there five years, seven months, and six days ago when the two were refurbishing the building and couldn't decide in which room to put it. They decided to share instead, setting it outside and in between their rooms. 

She pulled her knees up to her chest, the chattering growing louder in her ears. Soon she'd have to step out and start taking their orders, but breakfast doesn't officially start in another… ten minutes, or so. 

She can take her time. 

The swaying pendulum hanging on the wall across from her demanded all her attention, grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes and reflected her past to her. Her stomach flipped with each sway of the object, hands traveling from her knees to her ankles and gripping them tightly.

It's been centuries. But that loss… was it only from the monsters dusted? Was it only from what that human revealed to Grillby and to her during that fateful fight? Or was it from that missing piece, the hole that separated both her and her friend, the dust-ridden and empty guest bedroom untouched that rested at the end of the hall? 

Her fingers clenched tighter, digging holes into her pants that would be covered up by her boots later. 

Was it the unfortunate fates of her pack? The piles of dust she woke up sleeping on, almost ready to join them before Asgore interrupted their murderer? 

Was it what the human said? The quiet words, so low but loud enough at the same time to be heard from miles away, repeating in her ears? The truth, maybe even the sneer in their voice when they spoke, "Don't worry. We didn't dust all of our prisoners… but you will never find them." 

Or the missing piece? The unknown factor that frustrated and scared her to no end, the pounding in her ears whenever she looked at the words unscripted on that silvery pendulum swinging back and forth and back and forth in a maddening rhythm from where it hung on the wall? 

Her claws dug deeper, caught onto fabric, pulled. The seams of her pants ripped at the ankle, and her flickering, pseudo-fiery essence darted out in quick licks at the air. 

The words stayed in her mind whenever she looked at it, dissapeared when she looked away, reappeared with all the context behind them when she looked back.

Every morning was the same routine. The same, desperate staring at the Deltarune-symbol pendant hanging from the wall. The same hope that she'll remember the name after she looks away. 

The dread of not knowing if she'll remember to do it tomorrow. 

She reread the name for the four hundred and thirty fifth time, desperately imprinting it on her mind. Grillby had long stopped even glancing at the thing decades ago. She won't forget. 

She looks away. 

"Shit, I'm going to be late," Igneous muttered, staring at the clock instead. She stood from the chair, confused and wobbly in the knees. "I could've sworn I was just sitting for a few seconds…"

She hurried off down the hall, pulling on her boots as she walked through the Fire Exit. 

The pendulum swung on the wall, shaking as the door slammed closed, its name forgotten. 

Wing Dings Gaster

Grand Arcane Battle Artificer

Deltarune Legion

Division V

#my art #grillby #gaster #oc #fluff #angst #friendship #my writing #fanfic #undertale #story #tw violence

[baoshan-sanren]

Chapter 3

of the wwx emperor au which probably won’t get a title before we get to chapter 30

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Their lodgings are adequate. WangJi thinks that the palace and the adjoining courtyard must have been shuttered for a long time before someone had decided to bestow it on the visiting Lan Sect. Although every surface is clean and polished, every corner swept and every curtain freshly laundered, the building is old and fragile, carrying a faint scent of staleness underneath the shine, an essence only found in forgotten places.

It is long past the hour he would ordinarily be in bed, but he cannot sleep. His thoughts are restless, and the moon is impossibly bright, the courtyard starkly illuminated by its glow.  

Uncle’s silence had made any conversation impossible, and XiChen had settled to sleep without speaking any thoughts out loud. WangJi thinks that XiChen’s thoughts concerning the last few hours are bound to be infinitely more pleasant than his own. The frequent glances that the Sect Leader Nie had directed at his brother had not escaped WangJi’s notice. It was also glaringly obvious that XiChen had been equally as fascinated by the man, the earlier confrontation already forgotten.

WangJi loves his brother, but there are times when XiChen’s meek and tolerant nature can be an endless source of frustration.

What would have happened, had the Nie Sect Leader not shown up at just the right moment? Would they have truly been turned away at the foothills of the Immortal Mountain City by a measly captain of the outer guard? Forced to spend another night under the stars, to send written apologies for being unable to attend through no fault of their own, to make the trip back to Gusu in a greater disgrace than they had left it?

It is incomprehensible to WangJi that his uncle, who regardless of the Lan Sect standing, had always been righteous beyond reproach, would be snubbed in such a way on a whim of a man whose rank rarely allowed him to climb the steps he guarded. But worse is the thought that this is something the Emperor would allow, for his relationship with any Sect, even disgraced ones like WangJi’s own, to be at the mercy of any wretched minor official with a grudge. Uncle would scold him for even thinking such thoughts, but WangJi had expected better. A person positioned directly below the Heavens, with all others beneath them and depending on their mercy, should be better than this. WangJi cannot respect an Emperor who chooses to govern in such a way, nor does he think that such an Emperor is deserving of respect.

None of these thoughts can be shared with XiChen. His brother will only smile, and remind him that there is no use in dwelling on events which have already passed, especially those which had resolved themselves without any harm done. And despite his exasperation with his brother’s placid nature, WangJi knows him to be right. He only wishes that he could possess the same temperance.  

He considers meditating for a while; if no sleep will come to him, meditation might wrestle his mind into some semblance of calm. But before he can rise, his eyes catch a shadow on the corner of the roof. The moon slips behind a cloud, and the shadow disappears, but WangJi is already moving, sword clutched tightly in his hand.

He had only needed an instant to know the shadow for a person, silent and nimble, draped in black. The rumors of the frequent assassination attempts in the Immortal Mountain City are common in every corner of the Empire; even WangJi, who does not listen to rumors by rule, has heard them told more than once. He is certain that another such attempt is about to take place. There can be no other explanation for a person draped in black to be moving so swiftly and silently over the Palace walls.

By the time he alights on the rooftop, the shadow is nowhere to be seen. But the moon is still hidden, and WangJi waits patiently for the clouds to move. Long moments pass before the bright light illuminates the shadow again. The figure is three palace roofs away, and rapidly approaching the center of the City, where the Emperor resides.

The person is fast, but WangJi catches up effortlessly, his sword flying to intercept. The assassin seems to sense the sword before he sees it, twisting fluidly to the side, black robes fluttering with the movement. The sword hilt slams back into WangJi’s palm, and the assassin turns to face him. Even as he thrusts the blade at the man, WangJi realizes that this must be the most bizarre assassin anyone has ever encountered. He is young and appears to be unarmed. He is not wearing shoes. Every time he moves, there is an odd clunking sound from underneath his robes that WangJi cannot place.

And he is smiling. It is a wide, careless smile, utterly inappropriate for the situation. WangJi begins to wonder if this man is perhaps a lunatic.

Still dodging his every thrust with fluid agility, the smiling lunatic begins to talk, his words just as incomprehensible as the rest of him, “You should stop trying to kill me for bit. Just for a few moments. We need to talk about your clothing choices. Did you not know that assassins should be dressed in dark colors?”

Even as he speaks, the lunatic is blindly shifting backwards out of the way of the blade, his feet never once sliding on the tiles, as if he intimately knows every inch of the roof peak.

“How about you get to know me first? We can sit down, share a few drinks, talk for a little while? I have two jars of the Emperor’s Smile, which is aptly named, by the way. I would really hate to die before I have a chance to drink them.”

He seems to be getting slightly winded now, and WangJi presses harder.

“Can we not drink first, and do the killing later? Pretty please?”

“Wei WuXian!” a shout echoes across the rooftops, and WangJi freezes.

There is another man running across the roof peak of the adjoining Palace, his purple robes flaring behind him, a sword in his hand. But WangJi is still frozen, his mind stuttering helplessly, his face slowly turning numb.

Wei WuXian. That is not a name any would dare speak out loud.

Before the man in purple manages to reach them, WangJi has sheathed his sword and dropped to his knees, pressing his forehead to the cold tiles.

Wei WuXian is the Emperor. WangJi had mistook the Emperor for an assassin. WangJi had attacked and tried to kill the Divine Ruler of the Shan Empire.

He is dead.

He is finished. His brother and uncle are finished, his entire Sect is about to be erased. In a single night, he has managed to bring death and destruction to all of Gusu.

He does not move as the running footsteps approach, and does not flinch as a blade curves through the air somewhere above him.

There is a shuffle of cloth, a slide of feet on the tile, and the blow does not land.

“Put it away,” Wei WuXian says, “A-Cheng, put the sword away. Look at him. Does he look like an assassin to you?”

Both the color of the robes, and the familiarity with which the Emperor addresses the man, make his identity obvious. Jiang WanYin, the son of the High Councilor Jiang FengMian, the future leader of the YunMeng Jiang Sect.

“He was trying to kill you,” Jiang WanYin hisses.

“He was trying to kill a suspicious man dressed in black robes, running across the rooftops towards the Iron Palm Palace. It is more likely that he was trying to protect me.”

WangJi can hear Jiang WanYin splutter, and nearly does the same. If WangJi had not been at fault, this would mean that the Emperor had been at fault, and the Emperor cannot ever be at fault. Has no one explained this to Wei WuXian? 

“Do not spout nonsense,” Jiang WanYin snaps, “Are you blind as well as dumb? Those are the Gusu Lan Sect robes. That is a Gusu Lan Sect ribbon.”

Forehead still pressed against the tiles, his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest, WangJi feels trapped in a surreal, absurd nightmare. Who is Jiang WanYin to speak to the Emperor in such a way? Why does the Emperor tolerate this insolence?

“No Sect would be foolish enough to send an assassin dressed in their Sect colors,” Wei WuXian says reasonably, “I think this is just a case of mistaken identity. What is your name?”

It takes WangJi a few moments to realize he is being addressed, then a few more to remember his own name, “This one is Lan Zhan, courtesy name Lan WangJi, of the Gusu Lan Sect.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei WuXian says, “Did you think me an assassin?”

No etiquette training, no book, or lecture, or a rule carved in a rock, had ever prepared WangJi to answer such a question. He is quite sure that nothing could have prepared him for any part of this conversation.

“This one has erred.”

The moment the words leave his mouth, he is already regretting them. Erred? He does not know what an appropriate word is for I apologize for having tried to kill the Emperor by mistake, but erred definitely does not sound forceful enough. 

“See? I told you. He is not threat. Stand up, Lan Zhan. I hate speaking to people this way. Having a conversation with the back of someone’s head always feels so ridiculous. Does it not feel ridiculous?”

“You are ridiculous,” Jiang WanYin grumbles, and Lan Zhan has to agree, even as he unsteadily rises to his feet.

“Let us make a deal, Lan Zhan,” Wei WuXian grins, “I tell no one that you had tried to kill me, and you tell no one that the Emperor was running on the Palace rooftops in the middle of the night. What do you say?”

WangJi stares at him blankly. If the Emperor is playing a joke at his expense, he is not amused. But there is only one response he can offer. One does not refuse an order from the Emperor.

He bows, “This one hears and obeys.”

The words sounds terribly stilted, even to his own ears, but Wei WuXian does not seem to mind.

“Excellent,” he says brightly, “Then I look forward to meeting you officially tomorrow. You may go now.”

WangJi bows one more time, then leaves as quickly as his dignity would allow, without actually running.

#the untamed #cql #mdzs #wangxian #ficlet #wwx emperor au #m #so listen #there is no actual way to translate humble speech in english #the ideal is to just go without instead of making shit sound weird #but there also needs to be a marked difference between the way jiang cheng is allowed to address the emperor #and the way someone like lan wangji would address him #so even tho it sounds a bit weird #just put up with my shit bc idk how else to do it #anyway #i'm working the next 4 days in the row (12 hour shifts just kill me now) #so idk how much more i'll post before next week #but i'm still 3 chapter ahead of the published #and we're moving right along #i love you guys for all your comments #<3<3<3

[willsimpforazula]

Sokkla Month Day 27/28: Angst/Fluff

A/N: Song is Oath Sign by LiSA, English translation from Amalee's cover.

PS: Fate has some killer OPs.

PPS: I blame my laziness on being too engrossed in Seiba fanfics.

Anywho...bone apple tea or somthing liek dats

------

繰り返す世界 何度手を伸ばしたら

儚い涙は黒い心溶かすの?

芽生え出した思いが胸に響いたなら

君の隣でずっと変わらず護るだろう

Once again I reach my hand into a world, repeating on end

Though it's dark, could my tears carve a path and lead me right into your heart?

Like a rose it blooms and grows inside my chest you're name's all it knows

Is this fate, 'cuz every day I pray that by your side I can stay

The first time they met, it was in an abandoned town in some forgotten corner of the Earth Kingdom. From then on, they sought to find out everything and anything they could on each other.

Every piece of information, every scrap of rumours and sightings was held tightly to their chest, blooming and growing as each of them kept tabs on the other as best they could. When asked, they casually dismissed it as 'research on the enemy', though both of them knew they weren't fooling anyone. After all, research most certainly did not include figuring out each other's likes and dislikes, as if one were to be inviting the other over for some afternoon tea.

-------

堕ちた希望を拾って 明日に繋いでゆけば

絡まった歪な願いだってほどける

I'll gather these fallen flowers, the hope discarded and broken

And join them where they can meet, my wish is to set them free

"Are you sure about this?"

"More than I've ever been."

"What if your sister…"

"If she wanted to, she would have done it a long time ago."

"Regardless, I don't like it one bit. Not after what she did to-to-"

"You were just itching for an excuse to bloodbend me no matter what I said or did, even after helping you track down your mother's killer. But yes, please lecture me on what your brother can and cannot do."

"That was different."

"I fail to see the differences."

"......"

"Everyone deserves a second chance. Killing her doesn't solve anything. Or taking her bending away. Your brother is the only one who can get through to her. Not me, not the therapists. I just want her to be whole again, free from Ozai's influences."

"If she ever so much as hurts a hair on him, she is dead, consequences be damned and you won't stop me. Understand?"

"Be my guest."

-----

光をかざして躊躇いを消した

あげたかったのは未来で

泣いてる夜抱いたまま 嘆きを叫んで

踏み入れた足を 遠くの理想が そっと癒してゆく

確かな絆を強く握り進もう どこまでも

穢れきった奇跡を背に

Holding up the light within and with no hesitation,

To give you a future is all I wanted

Hold me tight through the dark endless nights, as I scream till the morning' s light

All my broken down ideals, I know they will heal

With every step they'll form the future

I'll hold tightly to this special bond we share, I'll follow you anywhere

Carrying onwards bearing this miracle

"Why are you here?"

"I-well, I-"

"Answer me, brother of Katara. Why do you come day after day? Is it because you wish to rub my defeat in my face? Or are you here to make me feel comfortable with my executioner? Answer me."

"It's neither of these."

"Lies."

"I'm not lying, princess."

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"This. Pretending to be my friend, offering empty words. I don't need any of these."

"That's where you're wrong. Your brother-"

"Is weak and an imbecile for letting me live."

"Everyone deserves a second chance. Even you."

"If the roles were reversed you would have been executed on the spot, after a long torture session that would make death seem like a release."

"I doubt that."

"What would you know of my methods?"

"Because I know deep down inside there is still that spark inside of you. You are only the way that you are because frankly your parents were shit."

"You know nothing!"

"Maybe. Maybe not." Pulling out a dossier, he slid it across to her.

"What is this?"

"Know thy enemy, know thyself and you will win a hundred battles. Call it a hunch, call it a brother's intuition. Besides, if you really wanted me dead I would have been killed, I don't know, about twenty times over before we got to this point?"

"Fuck off Sokka, I don't want to see your face for the rest of the month."

"Keep telling yourself that missy." he smirked, even as a fireball whizzed dangerously close to his head.

"My my, someone's rusty."

"Fuck you you no good piece of shit savage!" she snarled, even as he moved out of earshot. Sometimes, she thought, it was better to not meet one's idol after all.

------

創られた想い 触れればなによりも

温かくて現実が霞み始める

狂い出した世界に問いかけ続けても

答えなんて出ないって もう君は知っていたの?

泣いて滲んだ願いは 決して揺るぎはしなくて

ただそっと痛みを終わりなく与える

Once again I hope I can regain the warmth that's ahead, and I pray these fake feelings will blur

As the world starts to fade away

Even if I lose my grip and set this question free from my lips,

I won't be surprised to know no answer will come from the light

This wish that was born from our tears, I know it'll never waver

I won't forget the pain even as we forge on ahead

"Crown Princess Azula, you are hereby relieved of all titles save your status as a princess and are forbidden from entering Caldera without prior permission from the Fire Lord himself. You are to be placed under house arrest on Ma'inka for the rest of your days. All communication will be vetted and censored and any attempt at inciting rebellion will result in your bending being stripped away as your only warning. The next attempt will result in public capital punishment. Do you understand?"

"I hear and obey."

"One question."

"Go ahead."

"Why spare me? Why let me live with my bending, knowing that it will be more trouble than it's worth?"

"It seems you have an advocate high in the system that petitioned on your behalf. Any more questions?"

"None."

"You have twenty four hours to prepare, starting now. I suggest you make full use of this time."

Why did you do it? Sokka you stupid fucking idiot, I'm a fucking liablity here. I really hope you don't regret it, she thought to herself.

---

Dear Suki,

I know what you're thinking. Believe me, sometimes I wonder if it's easier to just let her die or languish in some asylum for the rest of her days. But, well, I don't think I'll ever sleep easy at night knowing that perhaps I could have done something to save her.

I know with every sentence I write, I'm essentially digging my own grave. And frankly, I don't blame you. After all she did throw you into the Fire Nation's Supermax. I won't pretend her hands are clean, that she didn't know what she was doing but still, I think everyone deserves a second chance.

I'm sorry.

Sorry for leading you on all this while.

Sorry for making you think we had a future together.

Sorry for making you wait so long before I came to save you.

Most of all, sorry for giving what is rightfully yours to someone who probably doesn't deserve it.

I know that you'd most likely hop on the next boat and drag my corpse back to Caldera so you can beat the shit out of me one more time but please, whatever happens, your happiness isn't with me.

PS: Katara was just as livid when I told her about it. Also, I hear Zuko is single and ready to mingle (probably not the latter; spirits know he has the social skills of a turtleduck, which is to say none).

---------

哀しみを知って 喜びを知った 弱さは君を変えて

立ち止まった時 剥がれ すべてを壊した

Only knowing of sadness

Never thought I could feel this

But now I know what is pure happiness

Time stops still, taking your breath away

So rip from weakness and escape

Standing on the bridge, the glowing lights of Caldera grew ever fainter until it was a distant white speck on the horizon, before it finally sank beneath the horizon. Under the light of the stars and moon, the vessel was illuminated by the moonlight and the bioluminescent blue algae crashing against the bow of the ship. It seemed ironic that a vessel that carried her off two years with the promise of greatness and glory would now be carrying her off to obscurity and exile.

"Here, wear this. Wouldn't want you getting a cold now?"

"Why?" she whispered, a stray tear falling from her eyes as she felt a coat placed on her shoulders.

"Why what?"

"Why do all of this? For me? For someone who doesn't deserve this?"

"Because no one stood up for you when they should have."

"You shouldn't have. You deserve your happy ever after with Suki, not a lifetime of pain and regret with me."

"Maybe. Maybe it's all for nothing and I deserve a lifetime of pain and regret for being an idiot. But if I'm being honest, the times I sparred with you were the times I felt most alive. Like as if I finally found what I've been seeking for all this while."

"This is a massive gamble you're taking, betting it all like this."

"What can I say? It almost worked on the Day of the Black Sun. It worked out on the day of Sozin's Comet."

"What makes you think you can save me from myself? More to the point, why do you think I want to be saved to begin with? Until you can give me a satisfactory answer, don't come and look for me." she replied.

Just as she was about to disappear into the ship, she heard him mutter "Because you deserve to be happy too."

------

届くはずのない言葉を託して 見えた瞳は

何を感じて遠ざけるの? 心隠すように

今ここにいる意味 教えてくれたなら

強くいられる 変わらずいつも

I keep screaming out to you though I may never reach you,

But still I can picture the light in your eyes

Tell me what makes you so afraid that you'd hide your heart away

If only you'd turn to to me and say the words that would give my life meaning

Then I would and will forever be strong enough

Ducking into her room, Azula cried into her pillow, as she asked if this was one of fate's twisted ironies dealing her a hand that seemed too good to be true. Monsters don't need saving, they need to be put down. You don't deserve him.

Shut up!

You know it's true.

What's stopping him from betraying you? Or has your adolescent heart fallen for him that you would excuse any of his actions?

Shut up!

I could go on. Do you want me to?

No, stop please!

Azula!

Azula!

Suddenly, she felt a pair of hands embracing her in a tight hug, making her gasp. It was warm, familiar and comforting. At once, the voices in her mind stilled, as the other person called out her name tenderly, like a parent with a lost child. Instinctively she knew it was Sokka, yet she kept her eyes screwed shut lest it all turn out to be a figment of her imagination.

After all, she had once hallucinated her mother talking to her on the day of Sozin's Comet when she was obviously nowhere near her room, much less Caldera or the Palace.

In a small still voice, she asked "Is-is it really you Sokka?", to which she felt a gentle pressure of his lips on her forehead and a response "Can hallucinations do this?"

"I don't know anymore. Please, don't lie to me."

"Open your eyes."

"No, what if it's all just my hallucinations?"

Another kiss.

"Still not convinced?"

"No."

Scooping up her hands in his, he pressed it against his chest and cheeks before asking her "Are you convinced now?"

In response, she buried her face in his shoulder, this time sobbing loudly as emotion overtook her senses. Meanwhile, Sokka just held her wordlessly, stroking her hair and back. When she finally stilled, he placed her on the bed and tucked her in. Before he left, she asked "Do you mean it?"

"?"

"What you said on the bridge, that I deserve to be happy too, even after all I've done?"

"Yes."

---------

光をかざして躊躇いを消した

あげたかったのは未来で

泣いてる夜抱いたまま 嘆きを叫んで

踏み入れた足を 遠くの理想が そっと癒してゆく

確かな絆を強く握り進もう どこまでも

迷いなんて目を開いて

振り払って手を伸ばそう

穢れきった奇跡を背に

Holding up the light within and with no hesitation,

To give you a future is all I wanted

Hold me tight through the dark endless nights, as I scream till the morning' s light

All my broken down ideals, I know they will heal

With every step they'll form the future

I'll hold tightly to this special bond we share, I'll follow you anywhere

No hesitating I'll open my eyes, though my heart's breaking

I'll reach out my hand and carry onwards

Bearing this miracle

15 years later….

"No no no Sokka you can't do this! You promised!" Azula screamed as she held his battered body in her hands.

"I-I'm sorry, firefly. I guess I was in over my head a little, huh?" he coughed, blood and spit staining the floor and her dress.

"I-we-don't have much time. There's someone else you need to protect."

"You're my only anchor to sanity Sokka! You can't."

Grabbing the nearest sheet of paper, Sokka wrote down a short message, before tearing off his necklace and dipping in it his blood, before pressing it into the paper like a seal.

"T-that should be enough, I think."

"Sokka please stop saying things like these! Our kid needs a father! She needs you! I need you!"

"Then I'm a terrible father if I can't protect those whom I love. Please, go now."

"Sokka!"

"Remember what I said on the bridge that night we left Caldera?"

"Yes, but don't you deserve happiness too?"

"Being with you these past fifteen years made me happy enough, so please, for the sake of yours and hers, go now while you still have the time."

"You're just one swordsman and a non-bender, how-"

"I have my ways. Seriously please, grab this and go! Every second we argue here is one second less you have to escape!"

"Alright, fine! But I better see you in Caldera, or else! I'll be damned if I let Risa grow up without a father."

"I'll try."

"No 'try', you will. Promise me Sokka."

"As you wish, firefly."

----

Present day

"Mommy, where are we going?"

"We're going to see daddy, Riri."

"Going to see daddy?"

"Yes, that's right." she replied as she stepped into the small shrine.

Turning her head and looking around, Risa could only see plaques with names and faces, but not a single person. Tugging on her mother's sleeve, she asked "Where's daddy? Why are we here?"

Scooping her up into her arms, she pointed at a plaque that bore his name and face, as well as a jet black sword encased in stone. "That-" she pointed, "is daddy."

At once, things clicked her mind and she asked the obvious "Is-is daddy gone?"

"No, no he isn't. Because he's in you and me. As long as someone remembers him, he will never be gone."

"Really?"

"Really."

Pulling out a handful of joss sticks, she asked Risa "Could you light this for me?" Nodding, she conjured a small green flame on her fingertips and lit the incense. Handing over three of the six sticks in her hands, both mother and daughter bowed twice, before placing it in the urn. Finally, Azula unwrapped a packet of seal jerky and placed it as an offering on the altar, before bowing again and taking her daughter by the hand to leave the place.

As they did, she could feel a burden being lifted from her shoulders as they crossed the threshold and just for a moment, she thought she could smell the ocean breeze and smoke, twin scents that reminded her so much of the boy, no, man who threw it all aside for her.

"I promise Sokka, I'll make sure Risa here grows up happy and healthy." she whispered to herself.

#sokkla #sokkla month #day27/28 #angst/fluff

[many-fandom-fictions]

Worth It // Anakin Skywalker

XFEMALE!READER

Summary: You are sent on a mission from the Council by yourself to the Outer Rim planet, Raxus. There, you encounter unexpected enemy forces. There are fears you won’t make it home alive. 

TW: Lightsaber fights, love confessions, taunting, mentions of a hospital setting, near-death experience. 

Like for Obi-Wan, I’m still getting used to writing for other characters, so bear with me! I’m also really sorry for not posting very often, school is quite a challenge to work around. 

You were called to meet with the Council in order to get your new assignment. The young Nautolan Padawan sent to fetch you was rather excited to be able to deliver the news from Master Windu. His green tendrils were decorated with leather and his Padawan beads. Hol, his name was. Hol walked alongside you on your way to the Temple. Every now and then the pressure built up from holding in questions would burst, and one would sprout from his mouth. 

“Is it true that Master Skywalker is going to take on a Padawan?”

“I’m sure he will in the near future, young one. He has a lot of knowledge to pass down.” You smiled down to the young Jedi. He was training under Master Yoda, an impressive achievement. 

The door to the Council came into view. Once you and Hol had gotten closer, the doors opened, letting you through to see the Council, as well as Obi-Wan and Anakin. Making your way through the doors, you stood in the middle of the room as Hol went to stand to the left of Yoda. 

“Master Y/N, we have an assignment for you,” began Windu. “You are to travel to the Outer Rim planet, Raxus. We’ve heard of Separatist activity happening on the planet surface, and we need you to bring back a report.”

“Yes, Master Windu.” Your voice carried strong. “Who will be accompanying me?”

Windu sighed. “We can’t spare anymore Jedi, I’m sorry Y/N. You will have to do this one alone.”

Both the voices of Anakin and Hol spoke up. 

“No, you can’t-”

“I’ll go with her-” 

They were both cut off with a wave of Yoda’s hand. “No, my young apprentice. With her on this mission you cannot go.” His gaze moved to Anakin. “Young Skywalker, needed here on Coruscant you are. Much larger than you know, this war is.”

The two boys sighed in defeat. Master Yoda was right. You would have to go this one alone. 

“A ship is waiting for you, along with an R6 unit. May the Force be with you, Y/N.” Windu’s voice cut through the air. 

“May the Force be with you,” you bowed. Turning to leave, you shot a friendly wink to Hol, reassuring him that you will succeed. As you exited the Temple and made your way to the hanger bay, you heard footsteps follow you.

Anakin. 

You’d recognise those foot falls anywhere. Turning to face him, you shot him a grin. “Have you come to see me off?”

He sighed, shaking his head with a smile. “Of course I have. Be careful out there, it could be dangerous. I don’t like that you’re going alone.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“I appreciate your concern, Ani, but I’ll be fine! You and I trained together, and I remember beating you more times than I can count. You have nothing to worry about.” You rested your hand on his shoulder as you stood beside your starship, the R6 unit already in the front. 

“I know, it’s just,” he sighed, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

You smiled slightly, heart beating fast as you tried to regulate how you felt about Anakin so he didn’t pick up on it. “I’ll be okay, I promise.” The R6 unit beeped. You sighed. “I have to go, I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

Anakin nodded, moving out of the way so you could enter your ship. “I’ll see you soon, Y/N.” He watched with slight sadness in his heart as your ship shot out of the hanger. He had a bad feeling about this. 

Turns out Anakin’s concern was well placed. Your mission had gone south, and fast. The Separatists you were trailing for days had spotted you, and sent their droid army on your trail. The number of droids they had sent was usually never a problem for someone with your skill set, but Grievous was amongst them. He was going to provide a bit more of a challenge then you were able to take on. 

Taking down battle droids from all directions had begun to tire you out, regardless of how easy it was to kill them. They seemed to come in endless waves. 

Finally, the last wave had begun to descend upon you. Swinging your lightsaber, you decapitated  quite the number, slicing others in half. The ones that weren’t damaged by your saber, you pushed them off the edge of the bridge you were on, attempting to get back to your ship. You needed to get out of there.

As the last one fell, you looked around. The mist made it hard to see, but you couldn’t hear the loud clanking of metal feet against the surface beneath your feet. Checking one last time, you turned and started sprinting towards the starship you had arrived in.

You stopped in your tracks, seeing a certain pair of yellow eyes stare back at you. Grievous’ hulking body stood between you and your escape. 

“You cannot escape, Jedi.” He spat the last word like it was poison in his mouth. “You are alone. I will kill you, and you will become nothing but another relic to add to my ever growing collection.”

You scowled at him, igniting your lightsaber once more. The light illuminated the mist around the two of you. 

“Tell me, Jedi. Are you afraid to die?” 

Your eyes narrowed. Now or never.

The giant cyborg sprinted towards you. You could feel the bridge beneath you shake with every foot he landed on the ground. His arms folded outward, and with them his four lightsabers ignited. The blue and green hues spun like rotors in an attempt to distract you as he charged closer. You leapt to the side as he slashed at you with three sabers, one still spinning. You brought your saber up to meet his, instantly feeling the heat eminate from the weapons near your face. 

He brought his free weapon down to slash at you from the side, hoping to sever you in half. Pushing off the ground, you flipped backwards and landed in a crouch with your saber in front of your body protectively. 

“You’re weak, Jedi. You will not make it off this planet alive.” The coughing after he finished his taunt would have concerned you, had you actually cared about him. “You will see death before you see your precious Order once more.”

You started running towards him, your legs pumping to carry you as fast as they could. There was no way around him. You were going to have to jump. Forcing yourself to run even harder, you pushed off the ground and launched yourself over the large droid. 

While you were in the air, you brought your saber up just as he did. You sliced up his back plate enough for him to stumble. A searing pain tore through your side as a blue lightsaber stabbed through it. You landed in a painful roll, a silent scream tearing from your mouth. You looked back and saw him prepare to rush you again. Turning to face your starship, you grabbed your side and started moving as fast as you could. You were only a few meters away when the sound of Grievous catching up rang in your ears. Using your last bit of strength, you used the Force to propel you painfully into the pilots seat. The hatch closed and the R6 unit got the craft into the air, the sound of Grievous shouting and cackling falling behind as you left the planet surface. 

“Hey, R6?”

The little droid beeped in response. 

“Patch me through to the Council, I have a message for them.” Another beep. 

The hologram pad in front of you buzzed to life with the image of Mace Windu and Obi-Wan. 

“Y/N? Is everything alright?” Obi-Wan’s voice was soothing. 

You chuckled, and winced as your wound bled more. “I’m on my way home, but I was hit. There were too many, and Grievous was there.”

The two men noticed your discomfort, as did the rest of the Council present.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Anakin rushed into view. The worry on his face would have been heartwarming had you had enough blood in your system to feel anything other than slightly cold. 

“Not really, he got me good. R6 is flying us home now, as fast as we can. As soon as we’re able to, we’ll go into hyperdrive.” 

A wheezing breath forced its way out of your lungs. You were getting worse a lot quicker than Anakin liked. His heart clenched in his chest, seeing you like this. His eyes widened as you pulled your hand away from your wound. Even through the hologram he could see the amount of blood on your hand, and still pouring from your side. You never should have been sent on this mission alone. 

“Ani?” You were starting to feel a little colder. There was a chance you weren’t going to make it, and you knew it. The lightsaber had done a lot of damage, and you were losing blood. 

“Yeah?” His voice cracked. The rest of the Council members looked on in sadness at the interaction between the two of you. They knew how much you meant to each other. 

“I’ll be okay, yeah? Please tell me I’m going to be okay,” you spoke. The words were hard to force past the tears and lump in your throat. 

A tear dribbled down Anakin’s cheek. “Yeah, Buttercup. You’ll be okay.” 

Buttercup. You hadn’t heard that since you were both Padawan. A smile crept onto your face.

“Thank you, Ani.” You looked over to the screen on the side. “We’re about to enter hyperspace, I’ll see you on the other si-”

Your hologram disappeared when you sped off, R6 no longer able to keep the connection going. Anakin yelled out in protest as your weakening figure faded from the hologram pad. Obi-Wan walked over to place a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, Anakin. I’m sure she’ll make it here in one piece.”

Anakin sighed. His fists clenched. “Thank you, Master. I’m going to wait for her in the hangar.”

Only two hours later did R6 land your ship in the middle of the hangar. Anakin and a few other people ran over. Anakin waved his hand and the hatch flew off, landing with a thunk on the ground. Inside, you were laying in the pilot seat, motionless. The only way Anakin could tell you were alive or not was through the very slight rise and fall of your chest as you shuddered through shallow breaths, and the faint presence the Force had around you. He rushed over and climbed up the starship to get to the pilots seat. His hands found their way under your shoulders and he hauled you out. “Help me! Get a medical droid!” 

Not a second later did three medical droids arrive, carrying a stretcher between two of them. Anakin handed you over to them, watching as your lifeless body was placed on the stretcher. His heart felt like it was caving in on itself, seeing the condition you were in. As the droids started wheeling you away, Anakin was quick to follow. Wheeling you closer and closer to the medical wing, Anakin ran to keep pace the whole way. The droids asked him to wait outside until you were in a more stable condition. 

Waiting felt like an eternity for Anakin, so as soon as he saw a droid make their way towards where he was pacing, he stopped immediately and met them halfway, as well as Obi-Wan who had joined him an hour earlier, worried for his former Padawan.

“Is she okay? Can I see her? What’s happened?” The words fell from his mouth before he would stop them. Obi-Wan’s hand came up to rest on Anakin’s shoulder, calming him slightly.

The tuned voice of the medical droid spoke, “She’s stable. We applied some bacta spray and dressed her wound. She has been asking for you, Master Skywalker.” The droid bowed and wheeled its way back into the medical unit. 

Anakin turned to face Obi-Wan. “Master, I-” He cut himself off. 

Obi-Wan smiled. “Go,” he said softly. 

Nodding, Anakin turned and started running to see you. He didn’t have to ask for directions, he could sense you. Your Force signature was much stronger than it was just hours ago. As he rounded the corner, he moved faster seeing the door to your room. He stopped himself just before he barrelled through the door. Anakin sighed, and shook out his nerves. 

He walked through the door. 

Inside, you laid on the bed provided. A bandage poked out from underneath your hospital gown, and a dull ache resided in the space just under your ribs. Seeing Anakin, the ache was pushed to the back of your mind. 

“Ani,” you breathed. 

“Hey, Buttercup.” A teary smile. Anakin walked over to the side of your bed and sat next to your blanket covered legs. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better now that you’re here,” you stared at him. Realising what you had said, you blushed and looked away. That wasn’t supposed to come out. 

Anakin smiled so warmly you felt it in your bones. “I’m glad you’re okay, Y/N.” HIs hand reached forward to hold onto yours, your fingers lacing together. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

There was a small beat of silence between the two of you. 

“Anakin, I-”

“Y/N, I need to-”

You both laughed. “You first,” you encouraged him. 

He grinned again. “Thank you.” Anakin’s grip on your hand tightened slightly. “Y/N, I think…”

You looked at him supportively. 

“I think I love you. I know it goes against the Code, and that as Jedi we can’t have attachments, but I can’t help the way I feel about you-”

“Ani,”

“-and I know you probably don’t feel the same way as I do, and that’s okay-”

“Anakin,”

“-but I just wanted you to know because I don’t think I could hide it from you any longer, and-”

“Anakin!” you laughed. “Let me speak,”

He looked shown sheepishly. 

“I love you too, Ani.”

The words registered right away. Anakin’s eyes rose to meet yours, and a beautiful wonder filled them. It was like he was seeing you for the first time. Seeing that small scar above your eyebrow from when you ran into a door frame when he chased you after training, the small pock mark on your cheek from acne that used to make you so insecure, but you didn’t realise how much he loved it because it was you. It was all you. And you’re so beautiful. Then and now. He was drinking you in like a man who spent the last week roaming a desert in search for sweet sweet water. 

“We’ll have to hide it from everyone,” you spoke softly. “But I don’t mind, as long as I’m with you.”

Anakin leant forward and laid his lips gently over yours. They were soft, gentle. Your lips met with his, interlocking so serenely. A hand raised to cradle your cheek and softly stroke your jaw. This man was melting your heart and he wasn’t even trying. 

The two of you broke apart as you heard running footsteps approach. As Anakin stood, Hol came bounding around the corner. 

“Master Y/N!” The young boy’s excitement was radiating off him. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I saw your message, and I was so worried!” he cried as he wrapped his arms around you, his eyes becoming glassier than normal. 

“Hol,” you laughed. “It’s so good to see you, young one.” 

As you pressed a small kiss onto the top of his head, three other people entered the room. Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Windu. Obi-Wan looked knowingly between you and Anakin, causing the two of you to blush and glance at each other slightly. 

Obi-Wan was someone you could trust to keep your secret. 

Anakin kept looking at you as you interacted with the three Masters and the Padawan. It was going to be a tough secret to hide, but in his eyes, you were more than worth it. 

#anakin #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #obi-wan #obi-wan kenobi #yoda #mace windu #jedi #jedi master #padawan #grievous #general grievous #star wars #star wars fanfic #x reader #my own work #fanfiction #droids #lightsaber #starship #R6 #clone wars era #clone wars #clone #anakin x you #hayden christensen #star wars x you #star wars x reader #y/n

[victory-red]

why tōya being the oldest todoroki sibling makes no (or very little) sense.

Warning: Manga spoilers. Long post ahead - big paragraphs, lots of reading, and at least one (1) rabbit trail.

So I know this is old news, but I’ve been meaning to make a post about it for a little while now. I know a lot of people already headcanoned that Tōya was the oldest Todoroki sibling even before it was officially confirmed, but it just never really made sense to me, particularly in regard to Enji’s timeline. And then, after Chapter 291 came out, it made even less sense.

(A couple of quick disclaimers, before I continue: I’m not trying to pass anything off as fact. My conclusions are simply opinions based on observations I’ve made. I’ll also note that there are definitely gaps in what information we do officially have, so there is still a chance that what seems to me like a fairly significant plothole will eventually be explained.)

I’ll start with Enji - more specifically, his current confirmed age in relation to Fuyumi’s, who is the oldest Todoroki sibling whose age we do officially know. As of the current manga arc, Enji is 46 years old, and Fuyumi is 23. Since Enji’s birthday is in early August and Fuyumi’s in early December, that means that Enji was a little over 23 years old when he and Rei had Fuyumi.

From what we know of Enji’s history and personality, that seems like a reasonable age for him to have started having kids. He said in Ch. 165 that he became Number Two at age 20, at which point he immediately realized that he wasn’t ever going to be able to surpass All Might on his own. He said that it was because of this realization that he passed the torch (no pun intended) to Shōto. But, Shōto wouldn’t be born until a decade later. So, it makes sense to me that this would be the point that Enji decided it would be best to instead try having a child that could surpass All Might. In other words, it makes sense that this would be the catalyst that led to Shōto’s birth.

The most recent information we got regarding Enji and Rei’s relationship in Ch. 291 seems to be just a bit conflicting with how Shōto had described things back in Ch. 31 - unlike Shōto’s account, Ch. 291 sort of implied that Enji did care for Rei to some capacity, at least early in their marriage. (How he’s been portrayed in flashbacks recently is actually very conflicting with flashbacks from earlier chapters, and even with his entire personality in earlier chapters. But I won’t get into that - we’ll just make the assumption that Shōto’s story was biased, because it probably was.)

Since he essentially bought Rei’s family off, it only makes sense that he would have to grow to care for her over a period of time - you know, maybe like a year or two. I’m not sure how long the entire Quirk Marriage process took, but factoring in the 9 or so months Rei had to carry Fuyumi before she was born, it makes sense that after Enji’s realization upon attaining the Number Two title, the entire process of creating the plan of having hyper-powerful children, finding a suitable partner, buying her family off, marrying her, and having their first child would take anywhere between two to three years. That would mean that he was 20 when the process started, 22 when Rei got pregnant, and 23 when Fuyumi was born. Boom.

(Frankly, even that timeframe seems a bit compressed to me, but since Enji’s and Fuyumi’s ages are both canonically set in stone, I have no choice but to work with it.)

Tōya canonically being older than Fuyumi begins to screw a lot with the timeline - especially taking into consideration what the implied age gap between them is. I unfortunately can’t find where (or if) this is explicitly stated in the manga, but the wiki says that most Quirks develop around the age of 4. Now, it’s entirely possible that Tōya was born with his Quirk, but given Rei’s constitution, I highly suspect that there would have been severe complications with both her pregnancy and Tōya’s birth. It also makes sense that if he had developed his Quirk at an exceptionally young age, there would have been some note made of it. But since neither of those things are mentioned to have happened, we’ll just assume he was between 3 and 4½ years old when his Quirk manifested.

I don’t know how long afterward it took for Enji and Rei to decide to have another baby, but I can’t imagine that the decision took any longer than several months. I’ll be conservative and say that they decided no longer than a few months after Tōya’s Quirk developed, because remember - Enji literally, canonically cannot be any older than 23 when Fuyumi was born. Jumping 9 months forward from that time, Tōya would most likely have been between 4 and 5 years old when Fuyumi was born.

Now I will note that in the top panel, Tōya looks to me to be between 4 and 6 years old, which was presented as being before Fuyumi’s birth. But in the lower one, where he’s crawling over to look at baby Fuyumi (or at least I think that’s what’s happening? It’s a bit dark to tell for certain), he looks a lot younger - in fact, he doesn’t even look to have the white streak in his hair yet. But given how it’s explained that Enji and Rei even came to the decision to have Fuyumi at all, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense contextually. But, I’ll let it be and just assume that the manga didn’t present those panels chronologically. It could also be the zoomed-out view that makes Tōya seem smaller. Either way, I’m overanalyzing, and that’s sort of off-topic, anyway.

Okay, I think that’s all the setup I need to finally get to the meat of my argument, which I will start with this: If Tōya is anywhere between 4 and 5 years older than Fuyumi, that means that Enji was anywhere between 18 and 19 years old when Tōya was born.

In any other situation, that might make sense, but here’s the thing: it’s already been established, or at least very heavily implied, that Enji didn’t even consider the possibility of having children to surpass All Might until he attained his Number Two status, which as I’ve already mentioned happened when he was 20. Even if Tōya was only 3 years older than Fuyumi, which doesn’t make much sense because he would then have had to develop his Quirk at age 2 or younger, that still would mean that he was conceived before Enji even became Number Two.

If that doesn’t make sense to you, think of it this way: If Enji was between 18 and 20 years old when Tōya was born, that would mean that Tōya would have been conceived when Enji was 17 at the youngest - still a student, unless he graduated early. Regardless, that also implies he would have had to create his elaborate plan to beat All Might, as well as find and marry Rei, before he even graduated secondary school. Given what information we have from canon, that just does not make any semblance of sense.

As compelling that argument alone may or may not be, there are others to support it as well. Let’s consider what that implies for the age gaps between Tōya and the other Todoroki siblings. If he’s 3-5 years older than Fuyumi, that means he’s roughly 7-9 years older than Natsuo and 10-12 years older than Shōto. That would mean, if Shōto were between 5 and 6 years old in the following panels, Tōya would be anywhere between 15 and 18 years old. Fuyumi would be between 10 and 13, and Natsuo would be between 8 and 11.

While I understand that Tōya inherited Rei’s slight constitution, puberty usually begins for boys around 12 or 13 years old (although to my understanding it often starts later in Asian boys), so Tōya would likely have already begun to go through his growth spurt by this age. Even assuming that Natsuo had started going through his own growth spurt, Tōya still has 7-9 years on him - so the chances that Natsuo had this much height and mass on him are pretty slim. I might be able to buy Tōya being 15 years old in those panels, but I find even that a bit of a stretch.

And finally, let’s talk about how old Tōya was when he “died.”

Assuming that the second panel is the most recent (halfway decent) photo the Todorokis have of Tōya before his “death,” I’m inclined to agree with the people who have pointed out that his clothes resembled a junior high school uniform, similar to what Midoriya and Bakugō were seen wearing in the story’s earliest chapters and episodes. Junior high school in Japan is attended by students between the ages of 12 and 15, roughly - so it’s safe to assume that Tōya was no older than 15 years old when he “died.” However, I will note that given how Horikoshi draws most of the 15-year-old male characters in the story, he does look younger than that to me. I am keeping in mind that Tōya was mentioned to have had a slight build - even as Dabi, he still does - so there is the possibility that my conclusions there aren’t accurate.

If Tōya was 12 when he “died,” Shōto would probably not have any memories of him at all - at the time of his “death,” he would have been anywhere between 2 years old and a newborn. It’s implied in the manga and the anime that Tōya disappeared sometime after Rei burned Shōto’s face, which undoubtedly happened after Enji had begun to train him - so, likely well after he had turned 5. In the somewhat unlikely event that his face was burned while he was still 5 years old, Tōya would have been between 15 and 18 years old, as mentioned above. If it had happened when Shōto was 7, he would have been between 17 and 20, and so on. Going with the junior high school uniform theory, which honestly seems rather plausible, he essentially cannot have “died” after age 15 - so, more than likely, he would have been gone before Shōto even began his training. Obviously, this is disproven by the soccer panel in Ch. 39.

Honestly, I don’t know how else to say it - no matter how I angle it, it just does not make sense to me, canonically, that Tōya is the eldest Todoroki sibling. There’s a lot of information stacked up against it, and though I’ve mulled over it for a bit now, I can’t actually think of a scenario in which it actually is a logical conclusion.

TL;DR: Tōya being the oldest Todoroki doesn’t make sense in light of information we have regarding Enji’s timeline as well as previous images we’ve seen in the manga and anime.

#bnha #mha #touya todoroki #dabi #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #todoroki family #meta #v.txt

[batricide]

i’ll drop this on my blog here too actually bc it’s Important to how i play damian and also let me yell about the fact that ij’s bruce is not a good person and the reason why so many people hate damian is because they somehow miss that.

so! here’s a warning for: tyrannical totalitarian regimes, child abuse, abusive fathers, emotional manipulation, evil superman, character death & also random he-man. please note that this is about injustice and its characters, which are not a reflection on their mainstream counterparts or how i view them.

there’s tension between damian and bruce from the get-go in injustice, and we’re never really told why. if we take cues from the game (though that entire scene doesn’t make sense) then it’s because bruce didn’t save jason, which fits in with my reordered robin theory in which tim and jason were switched, and jason has only recently died.

now, we don’t know whether jason is running around as red hood right now or not. but i’m inclined to say he isn’t, as his injustice 2 ending makes a big deal of him becoming red hood. and damian is close with jason in injustice 2, close enough that jason listens when damian tells him that he’s a lot more than bruce thinks he is and drops the shitty batman costume. close enough that during the (extremely weird, extremely out of alignment with the comic) scene in injustice 2 where damian betrays bruce for clark, jason is the name damian throws at him with the most vehemence. regardless of the robin ordeer, bruce’s failure to save jason is seems to be an incredibly sore point between them.

so it’s interesting that bruce is already counting damian out before injustice even starts. he’s comparing damian to jason - someone who he apparently no longer considers part of his legacy. 

the kicker is: damian in injustice is actually probably the most morally centered version of himself. he shows open compassion and care for other people more often than he does in most of the mainstream runs. damian’s sense of right and wrong is solid, but what he wants is to break the cycle that gotham is trapped in. which from his perspective, is something bruce doesn’t seem to want to do.

injustice’s version of bruce is someone who truly believes that the ends justify the means - which means he’s apt to do some heinous things to people until they see his side of things. he seems to view people questioning as an act of betrayal, so instead of ever explaining himself he resorts to things like installing viruses in cyborg, kidnapping hawkgirl and replacing her, beating allies within an inch of their life - all of it is fine to him so long as they’re not dead. 

but it’s not fine to damian.  damian is constantly horrified at the lengths bruce will go to.

damian is afraid of his father. 

so, this is about a specific scene.  let’s get to that scene. its just important to note the difference between them, and emphasize that he’s not going with any intent to fight. if he was going to do that, he wouldn’t be doing this:

or respond like this:

or this:

he’s there to make amends, or at least try to. he still loves his father and he wants to be forgiven, and this is something that will carry on ten years later in injustice 2. damian made the choice to oppose bruce’s controlling nature but damian didn’t choose to abandon him and the bat family permanently. that choice was made for him. damian wants to come home. 

and he’s terrified of his father. i cannot stress that enough. bruce at this point has already shown that he knows how to hurt his closest friends if they oppose him.

damian is a highly trained fighter, but he’s also a  thirteen year old boy who knows he can’t overpower a man twice his size and weight.

and bruce?

bruce’s entire argument really hinges on ‘you, my thirteen year old son, didn’t take my side in this argument’. because, i have to put this in bold, the league was not executing the criminals they were removing from arkham. they were just transferring them to a more secure facility. something which is actually sorely needed, especially given what has just happened to metropolis. arkham isn’t fit to house them. and as far as damian sees it, bruce doesn’t like it because it’s removing an element of his control.

now, bruce isn’t wrong about how things will escalate. 

but damian’s not wrong about his motivation here.  i think there’s a conversation to be had about how bruce’s methods in trying to stop the regime actually drove it to further and further extremes. bruce never tries to talk to clark - or anyone, really. he just starts playing mind games to make them do what he wants.

it harkens back to the conversation bruce and dick have in the batplane. that bruce doesn’t talk to people, he doesn’t explain himself. he’s either right or you’re wrong and he won’t explain his stance. there is never room for debate. he’ll just stop talking and leave until you agree.  there is no option where he sits and listens to an open and honest dialogue, no scenario where he entertains that he might be in the wrong or maybe things aren’t black and white.

and that’s why injustice bruce is not a good guy. 

even on prime earth, damian had to bend over backwards to prove to bruce that he wasn’t a monster. it was damian who spent months digging through the sewers for martha’s pearls. damian who had to prove he was capable of loving titus. damian who constantly had to show that he was capable of empathy and thinking of others - bruce did none of the heavy lifting in that father-son relationship, he made damian climb the entire hill and still continues to put little effort into it.

and injustice bruce is even less empathetic and expressive than prime bruce.  

which is why you get a confrontation like this:

this goes beyond dick’s accident and ties back into what clark said about bruce not tending to his son’s who are grieving because they lost friends in metropolis.  damian’s fed up with never meeting bruce’s expectations. but more than that, he’s fed up with his feelings coming second to bruce’s. 

bruce has already made a judgement on who and what damian is. damian has the potential to be dangerous and requires work to fix, and so he’s not interested in getting to know him beyond that. he tells dick that he’s “worried about  damian being seduced by darkness” but never talks to damian himself with him about it.

but clark has looked at damian and and decided that damian is good. damian has problems, clark can admit that and does, but damian is good. like bruce himself.

and ultimately why when dick dies, clark is the one that reaches out to him because he sees damian for what he is: grieving child who just made a terrible mistake. it was an accident. damian didn’t mean for this to happen. meanwhile, bruce feels as though he was proven right. damian was dangerous and now his real son is dead. bruce will later admit, once he stops trying to manipulate damian, that damian was dead to him the moment dick died.

going back to year zero for a minute, they subtly show that damian is doing his best to be like bruce. baby damian idolizes his father. so i imagine a lot of bruce’s own feelings towards damian stem from self-hatred. from bruce seeing himself in his son and not liking the reflection it forces him to confront. injustice bruce projects a great deal of his own insecurities and shortcomings onto his youngest. damian is his worst what-if.

even though damian doesn’t deal with his grief the way bruce does. there are similarities, he puts his feelings into his fists and hits. just like bruce. but unlike bruce, and most likely because of dick, he does try to communicate. come injustice 2 he even talks about his feelings.

that doesn’t justify any of the violent outbursts. and he has a lot of them. he has significant issues with controlling his anger and struggles with lashing out, verbally and physically. it both worsens and improves as he gets older.

damian knows that he’s more than his grief, his loss, his anger. he’s also compassionate and capable of incredible feats of kindness. we see that in the flashback chapter in injustice 2. people aren’t pawns for damian, they aren’t a means to assuage his own guilt and validate himself as a good person. he wants to be good for those people.

damian’s relationship with heroism isn’t built on an intrinsic need for control or power, nor is it a means of validating his self worth.

people just need him. they’re suffering.  and he wants to be there for them.

but again, we’re not there yet.

so, alfred reaches out to touch damian. damian asks him repeatedly to let go. when alfred doesn’t, damian tries throwing him off, not realizing how much strength he now possesses.

damian  has a thing about being touched when he’s wound up tightly. it almost always ends with him lashing out at someone. which, tying back into why he felt comfortable coming back here, probably goes into his expectation that he’s going to get the lights knocked out of him. because again, damian did not go to the cave to fight or hurt anyone. the pill is entirely for his own defense.

from what we know of damian’s childhood in both prime and injustice, violence is the expected retaliation for misbehavior. toeing out of line is grounds for getting the shit beaten out of you, and while things should be different here....

from how bruce reacts he’s not wrong to expect it.  note that bruce dodesn’t run to alfred to see if he’s okay, he goes after damian for hurting him. it’s damian who runs to alfred after he’s thrown bruce away from him.  

( granted, yes, he threw bruce into the penny and it almost crushes alfred )

damian apologizes and he means it.  alfred’s first question is to ask for bruce.  

“”hawkgirl”” intervenes to try to end this fight before it can escalate further.

damian deduces that this isn’t hawkgirl and blows some stuff up.  bruce calls after him probably - not to have a serious heart to heart with him about what just happened, or what happened in arkham, but to try to manipulate him into taking bruce’s side or in the very least stop his ruse from being uncovered.

this is a theme moving forward. bruce will dangle forgiveness in front of damian, but only when it benefits him and can be used to control him. eventually he’ll stop and will use the guilt he knows damian feels to wound him.

and here’s the second theme it introduces: damian is scared shitless of his father. he’s not afraid of bruce’s violence, as after this he charges straight for him time and time again, but he is utterly terrified of the lengths bruce will go to get his way.

this is also where he takes dick’s suit. i think this was his way of telling bruce that he didn’t deserve to use dick’s memory the way he uses his parent’s death - as justification for what he does.  this comes up in injustice 2 later down the road, damian will bring up that bruce uses his pain to justify how he brutalizes the people around him. damian does the same thing -- but we also see damian grappling with his conscience about it. he wants to be better. he doesn’t want to be all his violence and loss.

back to the topic at hand, damian doesn’t do anything with dick’s suit. unlike bruce, damian doesn’t wear his grief and guilt in plain sight. he puts it in a box and doesn’t look at it, he covers the wounds with anger and as he gets older, develops a death wish and basically begins seeking a noble death in order to make up for what he’s done. it isn’t until dick passes the mantle to him in an attempt to steer him back on the right path that he even looks at it again.

damian isn’t the one that ended his relationship with bruce. bruce did. damian is very willing to reconcile if bruce genuinely wants it, but bruce doesn’t bother with damian outside of combat or when he needs something. damian actually keeps up visits with alfred, he gets him birthday presents, they meet up often and despite their opposing viewpoints, they get along just fine. damian even listens to what alfred says. he still loves his family.

damian himself is a mess. this line resonates because damian, too, is afraid. afraid of bruce, afraid of being what bruce thinks he is. there’s only so far he can bury it under the anger.

by the next issue of year one, after the confrontation at the manor, damian’s discarded any notion that bruce is a good person or justified in anything he does. everything he says on this page is true.

he’s not wrong. he’s more than bruce has even given him credit for being. injustice bruce sorts people into boxes impossible to climb out.  damian made his attempt at reconciliation and instead, found out that bruce has kidnapped and replaced one of his friends to spy on all the rest. in that split second when bruce came at at him, he saw the disgust and anger in his eyes. he’s seen how bruce sees him and wholeheartedly rejects it. 

he doesn’t want to be bruce. he will not be bruce.

batman was supposed to be better than the league. it was supposed to be a new way. instead he just found a new, different means to brutalize and control, and a new way someone justifies causing harm. and he doesn’t want it.

this isn’t to say that damian is a saint. he’s a very flawed, very broken person. he went from one abusive parental situation, to another, to another, and has the damage to show for it. he’s got bad habits from all of them, many of which he isn’t aware of or doesn’t think are a problem. 

but unlike his two dads, damian doesn’t close himself off to what he’s feeling completely, nor does he decide to rush towards external solutions for his pain. he’s, again, very aware that something is wrong. he doesn’t hold to his convictions the same way bruce or clark do, he questions.  he’s deeply unhappy with who he is and what he’s doing. 

but damian is seeking answers using a very limited toolset, and there’s a very limited pool of people he can ask that won’t give him a biased answer or try to manipulate him for their own means. one of the people he confides in does just that.

the other gives him the honest truth.

his relationship with selina is fraught and she’s often one of the very nastiest people towards him, but it’s because of that  he ends up opening up to her. she isn’t going to bullshit him and just say what he wants to hear.

and this is what makes damian different from them. both of them.

because he stops, because he questions, he’s still connected to reality. to his own humanity.

injustice’s bruce is a bruce that has quietly let his humanity die. he’s completely given over to the cold logic of batman and the idea that whatever he does to the people around him, no matter how morally dubious, is justified so long as it means protecting lives. he might not kill, but he really stops just short of that. he just doubles down on his beliefs and takes anyone who doesn’t agree with him as a traitor. he will go out of his way to rationalize how a largely guilty person is innocent (harleen) and how a largely innocent person is guilty (damian). and so he uses damian’s “betrayal” - ie, damian standing with clark instead of him - as justification for icing him out. that way he can ignore all the people who have reminded him time and time again that it was an accident.  

bruce also can’t stand that damian won’t do what he says. bruce will ignore damian unless it benefits him. bruce will go on to frequently weaponize how badly damian wants forgiveness against him. there are multiple instances where he says “just do as i say and i’ll forgive you, son.”

and then in the next breath, he’ll tell damian that he “can’t forgive the deaths”, all the while he has harleen as his new sidekick.   it’s fine that harleen helped with the scheme to blow up metropolis, killed jimmy olsen, and countless others. it’s not fine that damian did something he did all the time to dick - something dick himself shrugged off, because the expectation for this behavior was that dick would catch the baton - and it ended in tragedy.

because harleen listens to him and damian doesn’t. bruce cuts damian neatly out of his life and only really cares about him again when he’s a corpse.

damian, meanwhile, never stops trying to earn bruce’s forgiveness. in the canonical bad end (or well a comic offshoot of the canon ending) damian essentially dies begging bruce to forgive him, admitting that he always cared. he launches an absolutely insane rescue mission to save his father from clark’s torture and it costs him his life.

( but it’s worth mentioning - it takes damian showing bruce an image of kara for bruce to acknowledge him. )

even before this, damian was looking out for bruce in other ways. he was the reason selina got involved with the regime. because he offered her the chance to join and save bruce. damian’s anger towards bruce is less that he wants him dead, and more that bruce won’t stop unless he’s killed.

and damian is willing to kill him if bruce poses a threat to his ‘new’ family. he’s not going to watch bruce hurt the people he loves.

but his new father sucks just as much as his old one.

talia and bruce were more obviously abusive parents. they were controlling and sometimes asserted that control and obedience using physical violence and intimidation. in obvious ways you can point to and see abuse. 

damian doesn’t recognize clark is using him until he sees clark discard kara, who should be everything to clark and is someone important to damian. before that, he has inklings that they’ve gone too far, but clark has been such a paragon of good that when he tells damian not to worry about it, he doesn’t. he hides all his darkness behind that  smile and tells damian he’s good and worthy of people loving him, that they’re saving people and they won’t let another metropolis happen. clark talks to him and still (seems to) accept him even when they disagree.

damian misses clark’s equally as abusive tendencies because they hidden under the guise of a fatherly concern. 

clark is manipulating him into divulging more than he wants to. a boundary damian set is being broken without damian even realizing it.  damian’s uneasy. his body language goes from very easy and relaxed to overtly uncomfortable and almost submissive. it’s also very subtle but clark actually rises higher off the ground to intimidate and loom over him.

damian, who has only known bruce’s stormy silences in moments of disagreement, doesn’t recognize this for what it is.  clark doesn’t take the slight out on him. clark doesn’t stop talking to him because he dared to question.

instead, he loops an arm around damian and praises him, rewards him for being honest and makes it seem like this is an open dialogue and not an interrogation. which it is. i wouldn’t call it gaslighting, but i would call it lovebombing. damian doesn’t realize that there was anything off about the encounter, or if he does, he’ll tell himself he’s just being paranoid.

after all. this ended amicably, not with him standing alone wondering what he did wrong, or being thrown across the room. clark basically stops just shy of ruffling his hair and calling him sport. 

he was rewarded for honesty. and so any discomfort he felt was imagined.

 i think a thing that a lot of fans miss is that injustice’s damian is a forthright person. he doesn’t lie or deceive much, and later on it will bother him that he’s keeping secrets from kara for ‘the greater good’. he loathes that bruce does it and works hard to not fall into that trap. he wants to be honest. he’s glad when he’s rewarded for that honesty. 

because injustice’s damian doesn’t want to be batman. he wants to be superman. he wants to be good.

but injustice’s superman is not a good man. 

clark keep secrets, many terrible secrets, and often hurts people and justifies it to himself. he just hides it far better than bruce does.  clark is even more controlling and cruel, but he leans harder into his humanity and emotions to hide it. it’s easier to see bruce being cold and calculating and miss the way clark subtly uses what you want to get what he wants out of you. and you never really see it coming when he lashes out. he’ll apologize for it, of course, and if you’re not dead you’ll forgive him, because it’s clark. he didn’t mean it. right?

bruce manipulates overtly and grandly using intimidation, clark manipulates subtly using emotion. damian only recognizes one of these things when they happen.

so clark gives damian what he wants - a parent who loves him, someone he can talk to and even show a little vulnerability with - and then uses that against him. 

the worst thing -  the very worst thing - is that bruce and clark love damian. he knows this. both seem to genuinely consider him their son. and he knows this.

in injustice vs motu, bruce snaps fully into awareness just as diana snaps damian’s neck. he’s awake just in time to watch his son die.    and when clark is brought onto the scene, clark falls to his knees and mourns damian and laments his role in driving him to this.

but they weaponize this parent-child bond he wants against him and each other. frankly, neither of them were very interested in him for who he was. nor for helping him be better and master his anger. damian’s body isn’t even cold before bruce uses it against clark, failing to acknowledge his own part in damian’s all too early demise.

he’s another chess piece on their board. one clark can use to wound bruce. one bruce can use to wound clark.

the person damian is when away from both of their influence is a more complete damian. he’s the very best of both of them.

the damian here is still curt and sometimes rude, but he laughs and bonds with the people around him. he values people’s freedom and seems to strive for honesty and communication. meaning no one is in his war to reclaim the world doesn’t want to be, and he makes no move without everyone knowing.

when he recruits adam,  he tells them their story and what they’ve gone through and gives adam the choice to join them or stay in eternia.

anyway, all of this is to say that even all these years later, i continue to be so sad about injustice damian wayne. 

edit:

now, there’s actually one other thing i want to bring up because i totally forgot about it.

so. issue 8 of injustice 2.  

if we’re going with the idea of the reordered robin theory, which is what makes the most sense to me considering jason’s age and the friction between bruce and damian, this before jason dies. and if i’m wrong and the robins don’t have a different order, then this is before some enormous event that broke the slowly building trust.

there’s none of the undercurrent of hostility and distrust that shows up in year 0, which is immediately before year 1. we’re not given a timeframe for when this occurs, either, it’s just happier times.

but what’s really hard to ignore is that the dynamic between bruce and damian is completely different here. maybe tom taylor’s just settled more into writing the two of them, but i don’t think so. year zero comes after this. 

he even acknowledges damian’s anger earlier in the chapter. but it’s less of a condemnation of his character and more a concern that he might not be ready to be on his own. alfred is the one advocating for caution, asking if he’s ready, bruce is the one saying yes, he is.

it’s a complete reversal.

and his trust is rewarded with a night of damian abandoning the “”mission”” he was given (get home from the furthest point of gotham in three hours) to help everyone along the way. which was the real goal all along, it was a test to see if damian’s compassion would win out over his want to win. and it does. bruce is proud of him.

so... what happened between them? what caused that shift? 

i’m kind of worried we’re never going to know. like, i’m so glad that tom taylor is dc’s new golden boy and they’re just letting him build a million different aus. i buy every book he writes. 

but also i’m dying because IJ2 was clearly planned to go on a lot longer than it did and i have questions that i know netherrealm doesn’t care about answering.

#ooc. #tl;dr dick grayson raised a good boy who needed support at a critical time and instead was taken in by cruel god wearing a kind smile #and damian doesn't realize it until it's far too late and he's done so much he can't take back

[a-student-out-of-time]

Twisted Sister Arc Review Part 1

Hi guys I’m the Anon who does the reviews around here…guess you could call me the Review Anon? Wonder what the lore behind me would be…anyway that doesn’t matter! Point is, I have an Arc to review and Jesus is this a big one. So big that A) I’m doing submissions (with permission from the Mod of course) and B) I’m splitting the review into 3 parts. Heavy Arcs are Heavy and a LOT of stuff happens here so let’s get right into it!

So, the parts of the Twisted Sister Arc are first the Massacre, second is the Mindwipe and third is the Prison Break. Last one doesn’t start with M but I’m not doing rhyming here, but that’s enough time wasting let’s get right into it~

Massacre

Easily the darkest part of the Arc but given the Arc is basically Kanade being a Slasher Killer here, what do you expect? While Danganronpa is a franchise about murder, and we had serial killers in it both canon and fanon the nature of the Killing Game means that a full-blooded mass killing akin to many slasher films hasn’t really occurred in the franchise before. This makes Kanade’s bloody rampage here even more disturbing, as while we have had mass killings before, see Mukuro’s rampage through Giboua Middle School in Killer Killer, those are established as backstory drops for the characters, we never actually see one being carried out in action. And going back to that massacre, Mukuro only did it because Junko thought her sister’s killer intent might have slipped and it’s to prove to her she is still a killer, but here Kanade is killing for cold blooded revenge. And she doesn’t just kill a bunch of randoms as she brutally murders Iroha, Peko, Akane, Nekomaru, Sonia and Kokoro very brutally and very effectively. I knew something was up given that the entire school went into lockdown and all the fighters from Class 77-B were geared to fight Kanade to the death, and Kanade is such a pansy of a fighter that Sonia beat the living shit out of here, and Syo was taken down by the QC, and we all know how terrifying Syo is. But once the bodies started to drop, I knew that the first time that Hajime would reset on purpose was coming up and there were so many questions. Who set Kanade up for this? Someone had to be helping her…. but who and why? Juu could have let her out but he couldn’t have supplied Kanade with her tools and intel (more on that later) so it has to be someone else.

Within the darkness of this timeline there is of course your heroes. There are those like Peko who got a lucky shot on Kanade which set a chain line of events leading to Kanade’s death, Mikako who made Kanade’s injuries worse and Kokoro who stabbed Kanade in the eye. But those small victories led to total loses as even if Peko didn’t die, she would be crippled for life and moreover she failed to protect her classmates from Kanade’s wrath, and Mikako lost her mother, just as she started to finally connect with her. You may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned two names yet, and that’s because they deserve their own paragraphs, I am of course referring to Nikei and Hibiki.

I’m gonna start with the next person who attacks Kanade and that is of course our Journalist boy here. To say this day has been terrible to him would be a massive understatement as one minute he is suffering an energy crash from downing one too many Red Bulls and having lewd thoughts, to running faster than if he happened to be in Mexico (Seriously, if you happen to be a journalist just don’t go to Mexico) to Hope’s Peak and thanks to Ankle Effects, arriving alongside Hajime to a bloodbath. There’s his constant refusal to accept that Iroha is killed, even though we as the audience knew that given Iroha tried to stop Kanade as soon as she arrived at Hope’s Peak and that Kanade was seen by Sonia and co chopping up security guards, the likelihood of her survival was next to none. This carries on from the conversation Nikei had with Yoruko in the previous Arc where he still believes he is dangerous and that he doesn’t see the other Voids as friends or equals, but rather he took the role as leader because he wanted to have power for once in his life, something he alluded to in the Void Theatre during Chapter 5. However, his reaction to Iroha’s unknown safety, and eventually the truth that Kanade really did butcher the poor painter, proves otherwise. While Nikei’s relationship with his fellow Voids canonically won’t get revealed until LINIQ decides to get around to doing the Onmake mode, in which one of the stories in that is going to be about Void pre Mikado- with someone, most likely Nikei, being the POV character, here the fact his first thoughts upon finding out his ‘little sister’ is dead is to disregard the no-killing rule and just beat Kanade to death, proves that he does care about his fellow Voids, but is in several layers of denial. Out of all the Voids, Nikei is easily the most guarded and paranoid of the lot, and while the others have loosened up around Hajime and co, Nikei still has a lot of inner demons he has to deal with before he could truly open up to the rest of the QC. And Kanade chopping his right hand off, doesn’t help matters though I do give Nikei credit that unlike in the OG timeline, where upon his right hand been blown up by his exploding gun, he just broke down crying, here, he tries to carry on the fight regardless, or he would have had the other person I need to talk about didn’t show up. This is pretty important to establish that while most of the Voids now are pretty far removed from their canon selves and are unlikely to regress back in that, Nikei is still closely tied with his bastard canon self and more work needs to be done for him to detach from that.

But moving on from someone who needs to get some work done, let’s move onto someone who has seen the natural conclusion of their character development, Hibiki! Ever since Hajime and Chiaki rescued Hibiki from her twisted sister (*rim shot*) back in July, she has been making a ton of progress, firstly coming to terms with what Kanade did and her true nature, developing friendly healthy relationships with Class 77-B, the QC and of course a romantic relationship with Hajime. It seemed kind of cliché for Hibiki to fall for Hajime but then again a) Danganronpa can be cliché at times and B) As a Danganronpa Protagonist Hajime cannot turn off his swag. Then there is her officially joining the QC, learning how to fight and being a complete and utter badarse and a caring lover when needed as she confronted Hajime back when he died the second time. We all knew it was only a matter of time when Hibiki had to confront her sister and when Kanade broke into the school, we saw fully, how much Hibiki has grown in the past 3 months. The old Hibiki would have curled up in a corner terrified, crying and probably going into the Puppet State. Here though, Hibiki’s FIRST THOUGHTS upon finding out that Kanade is more dangerous now is to done some armour and get some weapons, and face her sister head on with no hesitation. All without going into the Puppet State at least once, which probably means that its more or less gone now. Kanade tried to talk her sister out of fighting her, but Hikibi isn’t buying Kanade’s insurance anymore and a fight breaks out. If this ever gets animated or becomes a visual novel, I would love to see the Hibiki vs Kanade fight animated as its brilliant, its epic and it’s just so satisfying to see Kanade getting the living snot beaten out of her. You could argue that Nikei’s mauling of Kanade was like that but there, Nikei was more or less in grief due to Iroha’s death and the whole thing was as painful to watch as the final fight in Captain America: Civil War, not saying what because spoilers ahoy. Here though is a glorious battle, as Hibiki gets to deliver justice onto her demonic sister and it is SO SO satisfying, given that a reset happens shortly afterwards.

And sadly, with that, we come to easily the weakest part of not only this part of the arc, but the arc overall, Yasuke’s multiverse theory. It could be written better, and even the Mod agrees that the way it was presented shouldn’t have been the way it worse, that having Umeko throw some ideas at Hajime and him coming to the conclusion that they might have been living in a multiverse be better narrative then Yasuke be like ‘Oh hey I am suddenly an expert on Time Travel now’. It would make Hajime breaking his no kill rule that much more impactful as he doesn’t have the excuses of not only Nikei’s who was currently going through a mental breakdown, and in the current plot where Yasuke more or less planted the seed of doubt in Hajime’s mind. Yasuke still has a role to play in this arc but during the Massacre timeline, I feel like he could have been removed entirely from the plot and not only would it have made no difference, but then most readers wouldn’t be complaining about it as much as Yasuke being a general A-hole wouldn’t tick them off. I’m not saying ‘THIS IS AS BAD AS ONCOMING STORM’ as that Arc was just a giant clusterfuck of a mess, and aside from this one part, the arc is very strong overall, but I will give criticism when due. I’m not mentioning my thoughts on Yasuke as a whole here because he’s more relevant in other parts of the Arc. However, Hajime killing Kanade and himself at the same time is brilliant and seeing Kanade begging for her life as Hajime throws her out of the window is so satisfying given not only all the crap she has been dealing up until that point, but also because in SDAR2, she was 100% fulfilled with the events at that point and given it was HIBIKI who was begging for her life then, let’s just say karma is a bigger bitch then Kanade is.

And that concludes the Massacre part of the Arc as Hajime kills himself and Kanade at the same time and he goes back to just before Nikei started to have indecent thoughts. No time to look at the 3rd page of the national newspapers’ boy, we got a serial killer to stop! And with that I’m stopping here as the Massacre part is finished. But this review is far from over, this is just here because otherwise my, the Mod’s and everyone else’s brains won’t be able to process all of this. Stay tuned for part 2 when we cover Kanade’s capture, a scrum debate among the QC and a bold move by the Mod which I do wish will come up more! Until then, Adios! - Review Anon

//Part 1 of 3

//Finally get to submit these

#mod talks #a student out of time #submission #review-anon

[ziotsu]

time to write out literally all my thoughts as someone who can’t read Japanese!

I actually saw the first few pages when people were posting them because apparently the first half of the chapter comes out the second week? I didn’t post my thoughts cause I wanted to do them all at the same time

Page 1! Well this is fun, I absolutely love the expressions in this manga (I feel like me going on about the art in this manga is going to be a theme lol). But the subtle differences between how Ashiya looks and how he looks when Sakae is controlling him are amazing. And it isn’t just the eye color, but just everything with how Sakae acts and carries himself (face included) really is awesome. And it doesn’t feel like just slapping a new face on Ashiya’s body, I genuinely can see Ashiya making this expression when Sakae isn’t possessing him (if he wasn’t such a cinnamon roll). Also the shock on Abeno’s face is not something we see too often. He has his normal shocked face but this feels more raw than in the past? Like his eyes seem wider and the way his hair is makes it seem like he basically just did a double take. MMMMMMMMMM this is good shit. But story wise, I assume this page is just restating the fact that you really don’t wanna use influence on a parasitic shrub possessed demon.

Page 2 and 3! Abeno know’s what’s up, or at least it seems so. It would be more surprising if he didn’t tbh. Also I wonder if Sakae kind of knew this was going to happen? Considering he was trying to keep them away, I assume he did. At the very least he does not seem shocked at all to see Aoi like that at all. Speaking of Aoi, they are def trapped where they are at. That whole is well large enough for them to get through and attack them again, but they are still on the ground it seems. I am guessing it has to do with the tree we saw coming from their tail last chapter. They are still 110% mad though.

3-4! It looks like it isn’t just the trees that are keeping Aoi down, I thought the roots attaching the main body to the ground had been ripped up but it looks like there are some remaining. Sakae is as gentle as ever, yes just toss away his injured arm, great idea. Now Abeno is in even more pain. The wound though is really deep, looks like two large gashes, which Sakae actually starts to dress (rest in peace, kimono sleeve) (also while abeno is trying to get his arm out of the inner kimono (idk what is is called), we can see the medicine Abeno always carries around! I love the attention to detail in this manga)

5-6! Yup, page 5 doesn't do it justice, but page six really shows the extent of the damage one of the gashes did. Super nasty scar going to go there. We see some more of Aoi though, and do they chirp? Like what cats do? Cause murder cat looks super cute on page 5 and I don’t know how to feel about this.

They look like baby here and I want to protect them. Abeno seems to be bringing up the medicine, though I really don’t know what this would do to Aoi other than basically kill them. Which honestly, may be for the best? I know it’s a bit messed up, but it has been stated before that they are obviously past the point of getting them help, and leaving them there would be super dangerous.

7-8! I am making another assumption that Sakae doesn’t know what the medicine does. Which I have a current theory that the medicine is a new development for the underworld. (if such a medicine existed before Aoi left, why wouldn’t they use it on them?) Which would also mean that Sakae wouldn’t know about it either. My guess from the last pages seem to be correct as there is a panel showing Aoi burning, which seems pretty deathy to me. I honestly don’t know what they are going to do, though I think for now, they should be getting back, reporting the situation and getting help for themselves. Aoi seems really stuck here so I don’t think they are a direct threat to the underworld immediately. (Unless Aoi manages to escape the island and oh boy that would not be good) Abeno seems pretty determined, though, so regardless Aoi is most likely going to meet their actual end.

9-10! Aoi is starting to go to sleep here, Sakae seems really good at first aid (wonder where/why he learned that ;) Maybe a certain lady who often gets sick?) Not a whole lot happens, I think these are mostly showing the passage of time, and it seems Abeno is putting away the medicine for now. Which good move, my boy. Come back to take care of murder cat later. Also I wonder if all those trees are from Aoi’s parasitic shrub. That would be terrifying if that is the case. It could really show how long they have been there, trapped and going mad because of the shrub.

11-12! Good lord all of them are looking super cute this chapter. Sakae you can’t do this to me, just all your movements and facial expressions are justlasdkhjg;lakshjdg. Ashiya is cute in his own right, but this is a different type of cute. Why are all these characters like this and please don’t stop making all these characters like this. We get a good look at Aoi’s spine and it makes me sad (though also could give more insight to how the shrub basically takes over? Using the spinal cord to get to the brain seems like a good path to take if the shrub’s goal is to spread like any other parasite (which also makes sense with the going mad thing, kind of like rabies almost) I am glad Abeno’s arm is being supported and held still with what they had on hand. Still looks super painful though.

13-14! And they are out! At least out of the pit where they can really easily run if they need to. Sakae is starting to get tired, so I wonder how much longer he can go on? I hope he can stay awake long enough to get back to the mononokean because I highly doubt Abeno can carry an unconscious Ashiya back. He would most likely have to wait for Ashiya to wake back up before moving on and who knows how long that will take. Part of page 13 made me go back to see the last few pages, but it looks like Aoi’s front right paw is stuck in the ground :( good cause they are most likely really stuck there and probably wont be able to escape easy but it makes me sad to see the previous master of the mononokean in such a state.

15-16! Oof the tiredness is really showing in the first panel. Get out of there quick so you both can rest! I am guessing Abeno is asking about why Sakae said those things in the flower field.Like how Aoi is dead and such, and honestly did Sakae lie? Aoi, as they were in the past, is dead. They are completely over taken and do not recognize even the child they basically raised.

17-18! Oh boy Sakae is getting more and more tired, Abeno is asking about the golden butterfly and can you two just get going? Ya’ll have limited time here!!!!! Though I wonder if Sakae used his influence on one of the butterflies to communicate to Ashiya? it seems very similar? Or a butterfly made from pure influence? Which would explain how it disappeared when Ashiya grabbed it?

I am going to stop the page format because uh.... WHAT. First off Abeno was def asking about the influence/parasitic shrub thing that Sakae brought up. And WE ACTUALLY LEARN ABOUT IT NEXT CHAPTER. This is huge cause oml this feels like a rare moment. Normally mysteries like this linger for a few chapters, simmer and make us suffer. BUT WE GOT A NEW BRAND OF SUFFERING TODAY FOLKS! Like I theorized it a bit on why I didn’t think Aoi was the one Sakae used his influence on, due to thinking that Aoi being infected years before picking up Abeno seemed super dangerous and didn’t feel like something they would do. I DIDN’T KNOW YOU CAN USE INFLUENCE TO CURE THE PARASITIC SHRUB THOUGH! PAGE 22 IS SUFFERING! PAGE 22 HAS ALL THE ANSWERS! Like we now know what happened, or at least have enough facts to be able to piece it together! Aoi and Sakae went out for a job, either they find out that the demon is infected or know and are going to try to help them out. Aoi somehow gets infected by this demon and Sakae uses his influence to get rid of the growing infection only to die himself as the parasitic shrub is not meant to live in the human body. This explains why Aoi was so beat up over his death, because IT WAS THEIR FAULT. It explains why Sakae would use his influence on a demon that is infected, because it is Aoi, their employer and friend. He probably wasn’t meaning to die at all, just thinking that ‘hey let’s just get rid of this shrub from Aoi so they don’t die because they are an important part of the Underworld (though AU where Sakae can’t do this and has to become the next master of the mononokean ;) )

We also see the aftermath, it is almost like he becomes some form of demon himself, and actually looks infected with the shrub. I doubt it is the same sort of situation because he doesn’t become a tree? I am honestly unsure on how this affected him. He does go and meet his son a few months later, (wait or was that Aoi because between the two pages we see a sort of continuation with the hand on the left (aoi’s hand) but we also see the ‘veins’ of the shrub which hints towards Sakae? I like to think that Sakae visited baby Ashiya, so I am going to go with the assumption it is Sakae visiting till I am proven otherwise) and smol Ashiya is always cute. Ashiya does seem to ‘notice’ something? or he is just a baby and babies cry A LOT. We see Sakae ‘infect’ the butterfly he uses to communicate with Ashiya in the flower field. Wonder if he tried doing the same in the past with Abeno, only Abeno cannot hear his words.

ALSO GUYS I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF THERE NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? Ashiya is now completely passed out, Abeno cannot carry him back and now they gotta just chill there till Ashiya wakes back up. I know it is awesome to have questions answered, but please. 

Though I guess somehow they managed cause Ashiya wakes up in what I can only assume is the Legeslator’s place? It is def not the mononokean (too large and im sure we would be hearing a bell the moment Ashiya woke up) but it could be Korou’s place. Not sure how Abeno managed, but he probably found a way to get them out of there. Rip golden eyes, though :( Guess they were just either the side effect to using that much influence or a hint that Sakae was just kind of hanging around in case shit hits the fan. 

There is incense burning, making a guess this is either a preventative measure against the shrub or something to help wake Ashiya up faster. Ashiya is alone and it seems he is shaken because of what Sakae explained (I am guessing it was similar to his dreams when he subconsciously used his influence and he was dreaming about Sakae’s past)

This chapter was amazing, answered so many things and saw enough cute to really counter balance the ‘what the actual fuck’ this chapter brought along with it.

#fukigen na mononokean #The Morose Mononokean

[fullmetalscullyy]

Hey Emma. I hope you're having a great day! From your prompt list of ANGST, write me up one of these prompts. “Get the hell out.” You're super awesome! -Stacy

ok.

so i know this is SUPER late. i have no excuses… just wasn’t in the mood for a while… however…

this is sitting at 20k words (not in this ask, i had to break it up into a full blown chapter story kjfkdgn) and i probably (finally) only have about 1k-2k words left to write. it spiralled waaay out of control (in the best way i hope D:)

it’s been a long time coming but it’s f i n a l l y nearly done.

aaaaand thank you stacy!!! you’re so great ilysm

sorry for the angst but u did ask uwu so here’s about 20k words of it :)

enjoy!

rated: t | words: 1978

read on ao3 and ffnet

His Protector - Chapter 1

“You did this?”

His Highness’ voice was low. She’d gone against his wishes, but it was for his own good. He couldn’t see that now, maybe he never would, but it would mean he’d be safe. That was all that mattered right now to his First Knight.

“I did, Your Highness.” Her tone was unapologetic, and rightly so, she thought.

“I explicitly told you not to carry out this request.” His tone was dangerous now.

King Mustang was angry, and Knight Hawkeye could understand that. She knew he’d be offended that she went behind his back, knew he’d feel betrayed, but she still did it.

“I told you I could handle it.”

The Knight didn’t doubt it, but she wouldn’t let him walk to his death. She couldn’t.

Her King was stubborn but had always heeded her warnings. This time, he hadn’t, and it was concerning. Riza Hawkeye had done some digging and discovered just how dangerous this venture may become. She had a bad feeling in general about the whole operation, and her gut had never failed her before. Only this time, her King had dismissed her concerns. He was dead set on following through with it. It both baffled and irritated her, as the head of his security.

If he wouldn’t listen to her as she tried to protect him, she’d have to step in to make sure that happened. She was protecting him from himself.

“I understand that, Your Highness, however given the evidence, I made an executive decision to call the meeting off.”

“What evidence?” he exploded, standing from his throne. “There’s no evidence to indicate this situation would threaten my life.”

“Your Highness, I’ve had a very bad feeling about this from day one,” Riza explained herself.

“I don’t work on bad feelings,” he interrupted.

Riza felt her irritation spike. “Yes, Your Highness, however, it’s saved my life, and yours, more often than I can count –”

“You disobeyed my orders and went against my wishes based on a “gut feeling”.” His expression was hard, his eyes unforgiving. This wasn’t how she anticipated this conversation going. It was derailing very quickly, but she was just doing her job. “That’s something I cannot have, and will not tolerate, in my court. Is that understood?”

“Of course, Your Highness.” She had to swallow past the lump in her throat to get the words out, but Riza managed.

“You no longer hold the status as my First Knight.”

That felt like a knife in her heart, but Riza had expected it. Harsh, but she knew the consequences of her actions and would accept them wholeheartedly, because it was for the King’s own safety.

“You’re no longer a part of my court. Get the hell out.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Riza bowed as was etiquette, then removed the seal from the front of her armour. It was King Mustang’s personal seal and showed the title she held as his First Knight. She’d been his closest advisor, his confidant, and his protector. He felt betrayed by her actions, Riza knew this. She could see it in his eyes. It had hurt like hell to go against him, but she was simply doing her job.

Riza approached and placed the seal on the table at the bottom of the dais leading up to his throne. She patted it once, unable to help herself as she bid farewell to her old friend. It hurt. This seal had been a part of her for years and just like that, it was gone. It was him who’d taken it from her. It hurt like hell.

Turning, Riza left the throne room, her movements controlled. There was no argument because she knew he wouldn’t listen. It frustrated her completely. Irritated her, even. How could he be so blind and stubborn? He may have felt betrayed by her actions, but the feeling was mutual. She’d advised him for so long and suddenly, he brushed her aside? Dismissed her warning and concerns? That was a betrayal in itself.

However, she’d done her part to ensure his safety. Riza had done all she could – even went behind his back and against his wishes. There wasn’t much else she could do. The knight just hoped it was enough.

As she turned, her mask cracked, and she let out a shaky breath. It was silent, so he wouldn’t hear her, and her movements never faltered as she walked away from the man she loved. Tears crept up to her eyes and threatened to fall, but she held them at bay.

All her life she’d dedicated herself to King Roy Mustang and his family. They’d taken her in after her father passed away. Berthold had been Roy’s father’s advisor, and Riza had been accepted into the family with open arms. The last thing she’d wanted to do was betray him like this, but Riza felt she had no choice. She was doing the right thing, she believed. She’d prevented him from attending a meeting which would threaten his life. Roy had told her he was going regardless of warnings from the rest of the court, because he was determined to make things right and to create a peace treaty with the neighbouring kingdom.

The letter she’d given him tonight had been forged – by a friend of hers – to explain the meeting had been called off. The “sender” – a mutual friend and messenger between the two kingdoms – advised the King not to travel because of safety concerns brought forth by the First Knight. It named her because it was the only way the King would believe it was true.

Riza exited the castle and walked across the courtyard. Her horse was waiting for her, held in place by the stable hand for her arrival. Expressing her thanks, she mounted the horse and set out through the castle town. The roads were quiet. It was almost midnight, so not many people would be milling about, but the streets were almost eerie as she rode away from the only life she’d ever known.

Her future now was completely uncertain. However, she did have one last thing to do as the King’s First Knight. She had a plan and it was time to set it in motion.

After exiting the town gates Riza entered the forest and rode to a clearing. It was well used by her throughout the years as it was off the beaten path and far enough from the road that no one could eavesdrop.

“Knight Hawkeye?” a voice called out, unsure.

Riza dismounted her horse and approached the sound. A young man exited the cover of the trees and stepped into the moonlight.

“It’s just Hawkeye from now on, Alphonse,” Riza stated gently.

“Ah. Right. So, it’s done?”

Riza nodded, ignoring the pain in her chest. The wind from the ride had dried her tears. There would be time for that once this was all over and the King’s safety was secured. Until then, she would need to be level-headed and focussed. Even though she was no longer his First Knight, she still had a duty to her King, and a personal vow to protect him at all costs, no matter what her status was.

“It’s done. Step one is complete.”

“… Now it’s time for step two,” Alphonse finished for her.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Riza nodded.

“Right.”

She would attend the meeting in the King’s stead and try to bring about peace to the regions.

The threat on King Mustang’s life was very real, so there was no way Riza would let him go ahead with it. However, peace was still important. Riza believed that. So, she would go first to beat him there, and if they threatened her life… Well, she was better dying than the King. The kingdom needed him. He was a good and just King. Everyone loved him and it was the most successful ruling the kingdom had had in centuries. Riza wouldn’t jeopardize that.

Plus, then the King would have his damn evidence if she ended up dead. Hopefully that would penetrate his thick skull.

“When do we leave?” Alphonse asked.

“I leave tonight. You go home to your brother.”

His eyes flashed with indignation. “I’m not leaving you to do this alone,” he argued.

“Alphonse –” Riza knew there would be an argument, but she was too drained to start it with him.

“No,” he shook his head. “I’ve come too far to drop it now. This plan was my suggestion, and it’s the reason you’ve lost your place in the King’s Court.” The reminder was harsh, and there was another stabbing pain in her heart. “The least I can do is see it through.”

“Al –”

“No, Riza.” His tone was firm and unyielding.

Riza looked into his eyes and saw a fire in them. His determination and loyalty to her may end up being the death of him and that’s why she was so hesitant to bring him along. However, there would be no stopping Alphonse, Riza knew that much.

“I have so many more magic abilities and I’ll be able to get you out of there if things get too dicey. I can help.”

“You’re a teenager –”

“Who has, on more than one occasion, proved my skill and my loyalty to you,” he reminded her. Then, his expression turned hurt. “You still don’t think I can do it?”

Riza stared at him for another moment, then gave in. She’d lost her fight.

“No,” she replied. She approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder, softening her knees so she was eye level with him. He’d sprouted a few inches over the past few months and was almost catching up with her. “I don’t doubt your loyalty or abilities,” she reassured him. “It’s never been about that.”

“Then why won’t you let me help?” he pleaded.

“Because if anything was to happen to you, and you were hurt, or worse, you died, that’s something I wouldn’t be able to live with.” Her gaze was steady as she willed him to understand, her tone resolute. She gripped his shoulder tighter. “I would never forgive myself,” she whispered. “And I can’t bear the thought of it.”

They’d both worked closely over the last year. He was an advisor for the outskirts of the kingdom for her, and that was where he lived with his brother and his family. Alphonse was a bright and skilled mage, who’d learned the art from his father. He must have had a hell of a teacher, because at the age of nineteen, he was more skilled than most mages she’d been able to work with throughout her career.

It was also Alphonse who’d helped her come up with ideas to postpone the meeting, or avoid the King attending it completely, if they could. King Mustang was an immovable object though and would not heed her warnings. Alphonse lived near the neighbouring kingdom and had seen first-hand the affect the ruler had on their people. A kingdom where innocent traders and townspeople were left for dead on the road was not somewhere Riza wanted her King to go.

Too bad Roy is too stubborn to realise it.

Alphonse gripped the wrist of the hand on his shoulder tightly, his determination returning. “I won’t allow that to happen. I can get us out of there if things go south. I’ve got so many healing and protection spells because my father was paranoid about me and my brother getting hurt by the soldiers from the neighbouring kingdom. I’m well prepared.” His eyes flashed with the same fire that hadn’t wavered over the last few months. “I can make this happen, Riza.”

“All right,” she relented. There was no pleased look in Alphonse’s eyes, just determination.

“Let’s get to work.”

#royai #royai fic #royai fanfic #royai au #ask #snowdog49 #writing prompts #fic request #emma writes #his protector