#Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xofanfics · 3 years

Text

String - Alternate Ending II

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader x Sehun

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

Holding himself accountable was something that Baekhyun hadn’t quite mastered. And he seemed to be the root of all the problems that had come crashing into his life uninvited and unannounced. But he felt like he wasn’t the only person at fault.

Putting himself aside, he wondered why you hadn’t been more adamant. Why hadn’t you just come straight out, to say all the things you wanted to? Did you not know how? Did you lack the strength? Were you unsure? And putting himself into the equation, he wondered why he hadn’t been more adamant. Why hadn’t he just come straight out, to say all the things he wanted to? Did he not know how? Did he lack the strength? Was he unsure?

Why had he chosen Kira over you? Kira was pure; she didn’t have the same kind of past Baekhyun did. And to be honest, Baekhyun hadn’t been honest with her about his past or the feelings he had for you that still lingered. He realized that he wasn’t quite over you. The events of the night had made that quite clear not only to himself but to Evie too. If she noticed, who else did? Was it that obvious?

Baekhyun had become the kind of guy that all girls complained about. The kind of guy that claims he doesn’t want the girl but then gets jealous when she brings a new guy around. The kind of guy that has a girlfriend but still doesn’t want the other girl to date other people. How was something like that fair?

It was a bad idea to come here, he realized. This wasn’t how the night was supposed to start or end. Everyone was supposed to get together and have a good time at this party and he’d ruined things. He ruined the mood and brought a dark cloud over the group. He needed to apologize. Even if you never forgave him or never spoke to him again, he at least needed to apologize. The talk with Evie opened his eyes to a point of view he hadn’t really considered.

He returned to the party and noticed you standing on the balcony with Drew as he smoked a joint. Baekhyun took the opportunity to join the two of you. He wasn’t sure where Sehun had gone off to but Baekhyun assumed that he’d be back eventually.

“Hey,” he started. “Can we talk, Y/N?”

You’d been in the middle of laughing and the smile faded immediately upon seeing him. You turned your head the other way. It hurt him a bit, but he continued with what he set out to do anyway. This was the path he chose and the least he could do is apologize for everything.

Drew took one last pull and cleared his throat after he blew out the smoke. He ashed his joint and put it in a ziploc bag before putting it back in his pocket. You said, “I don’t think—” At that, Drew nudged you. You rolled your eyes. “Fine. Sure, let’s talk.” Drew gave you a wink before leaving the two of you on the balcony alone. He knew that Baekhyun had fucked up but he also knew that things would never get better if you kept blocking him off every time. Both of you, Drew decided, needed to grow the fuck up and speak through your issues like the adults that you were supposed to be.

As the balcony door clicked shut, you turned your back to him and said, “What do you want?”

“To apologize,” said Baekhyun. “I wanted to apologize for everything. For being an asshole tonight, for leading you on back then, and for not being honest with how I felt about you. I know it doesn’t seem like it but I cared about you. I still do, Y/N...and it hurts not to be able to talk to you. I miss us. I miss being friends, at least…”

You bit your lip, still turned away from him. Hearing that he missed you made you feel better. You’d missed him, too. You missed talking to him and sharing memes on Twitter. You missed being able to bullshit around campus with him between classes and going over to each others’ apartments. You missed hanging out with him, outside of the sex. You missed him being your person and being able to tell him just about anything. You decided to put your angry feelings aside, just to hear him out and not to add any more fuel to the fire that he’d started tonight.

You missed him more than anything but it was a little too late for all of this now. If he’d told you this sooner, before things got more serious with Sehun, maybe you would’ve felt differently. But he was with Kira now so, in the end, did how you feel really even matter?

“We could’ve been friends,” you said, in a voice so low that he could barely hear you. He stepped closer to you, leaning over the balcony ledge next to you. He looked at you but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him right now. If you looked at him, your sense of judgment might shift. If you didn’t look at him, you wouldn’t be tempted to say all of the words you wanted to say to him… They were all of the words he’d never hear you say.

“What?” he asked.

“I said that we...could’ve been friends. You led me on, Baekhyun. I really thought we were going to be together and then you chose someone else. Do you have any idea how that felt?”

Baekhyun looked down at the city below him. It was dark but there were still some people lingering on the streets from what he could see. Were they lost? Were they going somewhere? Were they feeling how he was? Lost, confused, and frustrated with the cards and the hands he’d been dealt?

“Kind of how it feels for me right now, I guess,” he said. “I know it’s not fair for me to feel this way...since I chose someone else. But I can’t help but feel hurt...seeing you with Sehun.”

You didn’t say anything. Deep down, you knew that was why he’d been acting like this all night. Like a lot of people out in the world, Baekhyun could dish it but he couldn’t take it. He left you on your ass and chose someone else. But he wasn’t satisfied with that and he had the audacity to be jealous of the new bond you were trying to make with Sehun. Part of you understood; humans were often selfish beings and they often felt things that didn’t make sense.

Even still, it didn’t take the hurt away. It didn’t erase the feelings of hope that you had back then. It didn’t erase the fact that he hurt you in a way that you thought he never would. It didn’t take you back in time, to undo all the damage that had been done. It didn’t mend your broken heart.

Anger flared up in you again and, finally, you turned to meet his eyes. “You don’t have the right to be jealous, Baekhyun! You chose her.” You bit your lip, holding back a tear that threatened to follow. “How could you choose her over me and then come here and be jealous as soon as you see that someone else is interested in me? Someone who actually wants me and gives a shit.”

A pang of hurt hit him right in the heart. He looked into your eyes, a little more deeply than you needed him to. “Is that what you think? Of course I give a shit about you, Y/N! You’re all I can think about most days. And I wish that I could talk to you but you made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with me. And it hurts. It fucking hurts me, Y/N! I know you must think I’m some monster that doesn’t have feelings but I do…I know I hurt you too and that it doesn’t excuse anything but...” He sucked his teeth. “I admit it! I made the wrong decision, Y/N. I made all the wrong decisions and that’s on me. It’s my fault and I know it. I ruined everything we had and I fucking hate myself everyday for it. I can’t help that I’m in love with you, Y/N...”

A tear fell down your cheek. This was all too much. “I’m too drunk for this,” you said, clapping your hands together. You left Baekhyun on the balcony where he stood. And you were too fast for him to grab your hand.

Had he said too much?

Kira came back to the apartment with her friends, carrying the cases of White Claw. She saw the entrance to the balcony through the kitchen and went through it, curious to where it led. She hadn’t realized that the balcony wrapped around to the other side of the apartment. And then she heard a familiar voice as she started toward the corner. She stopped,

“—it hurts. It fucking hurts me, Y/N! I know you must think I’m some monster that doesn’t have feelings but I do…I know I hurt you too and that it doesn’t excuse anything but...I admit it! I made the wrong decision, Y/N. I made all the wrong decisions and that’s on me. It’s my fault and I know it. I ruined everything we had and I fucking hate myself everyday for it. I can’t help that I’m in love with you, Y/N...”

Kira’s heart dropped, tears falling down her face. She bit her lip, unsure of what to do next. Everything made sense now. Baekhyun’s behavior and yours, too. He was jealous because he was in love with her. More tears came as the realization set in. She watched as you walked off the balcony and back to the party. But Baekhyun stayed behind. He didn’t try to go after her. Kira heard him sigh loudly to face the street.

Kira rationalized with herself for about two minutes. She wasn’t the confrontational type but she deserved answers, at least. Baekhyun still hadn’t moved, completely lost in his thoughts. So she took the opportunity to walk over to him. Her heeled boots clicked against the concrete, slowly taking steps to the answers that she deserved.

“I meant everything I said, Y/N,” Baekhyun said, as he turned around. Unfortunately, it was the last person he expected to find him here. From the look on his girlfriend’s face, he knew that she’d overheard at least part of what he said to you.

She looked at him, one hand on her hip. “How long have you been cheating on me?”

“I’m not cheating on you, Kira,” he said. “I’ve never cheated on you.”

“Don’t lie to me, Baekhyun…”

“I’m not lying.”

Her lip quivered, unable to hold in her hurt for much longer. “Our whole relationship is a lie, right? You don’t even love me...”

“I care about you, Kira. I do like you.”

“But you don’t love me. You never will...because you’re in love with her.”

Baekhyun didn’t answer. What she said didn’t require an answer but he didn’t have much to say. He didn’t expect her to find out like this. She wasn’t supposed to be here right now. He had planned on breaking up with her but he didn’t plan on her finding out like this. Not only had he possibly ruined things with you but things were most likely going to end with Kira tonight—right now.

She pushed him in frustration. He lost his balance and stumbled backward. “Why?”

Kira hit him again but he held his ground this time. “Why?”

She hit him again and again, taking her frustrations out on him. “Why, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun didn’t do anything. He let her hit him because he deserved it. He broke her heart into a million pieces. She was feeling a pain that Baekhyun was responsible for. Kira wasn’t a confrontational person and rarely got angry. Once, there was a spider in her bedroom and, as Baekhyun had gone to get his shoe to kill it, she said, “Just leave it.” He almost wanted to smile at the memory. Kira was such a good person and he’d ruined her, causing her to act out of character.

She wasn’t supposed to find out like this. He came out here to apologize to you, not declare his love for you. He’d gone too far and Kira got hurt because of his actions. Things weren’t going as planned tonight. He’d done so much damage and within the span of about two hours. If things had gone as planned, he would’ve just come out here to apologize to you and, hopefully, smoothing things over enough for you not to hate his guts. Then he would’ve talked things over with Kira, preferably tomorrow when he was sober.

“Please stop,” Baekhyun said, wrapping his arms around her. She struggled in his arms for a few seconds, trying to get out of his grasp, before giving up. Finally, she broke down into the tears she’d been holding back. He held her, patting her head gently. “I’m so sorry, Kira. I never meant to hurt you…”

Kira’s cries died down after a few more seconds. She was so hurt and she couldn’t deal with this. Everything was a lie. Her own boyfriend wasn’t falling for her like she was falling for him. She was falling for him so hard and that’s what hurt her the most. Her feelings weren’t returned. She didn’t understand what Baekhyun’s history with you was. Had they dated in the past? Regardless, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Would knowing hurt her even more?

“It’s not that I regret being with you, Kira,” he said. “That’s not it. I regret not being honest with myself and about my feelings. I’m sorry for everything. I mean that.”

Hearing that didn’t make Kira feel better or worse. She pulled away from him. “If you weren’t sure, you should’ve just left me alone.”

“I know,” he said. “I was being selfish. I should’ve figured things out first...”

She let out a sigh, looking everywhere except at him. “I want to hate you but I can’t even do that…”

Baekhyun nodded. “I deserve that…”

“You know what hurts, Baekhyun?” she said, finally able to meet his eyes. “You were so occupied with her that you didn’t even notice that I left the party for a half hour. And even outside of tonight, it was always about her…That’s why you haven’t been able to give me your attention, right? Because you were thinking about her the whole time? You never noticed me because your eyes have always been for her…”

She wiped her tears with the backs of her hands. There was nothing left to say or do. Neither one of them had officially said that they’d broken up with words. Part of her still wanted to be with him and she wished that she could shove that feeling to the side. That was the thing about feelings; you could ignore them as much as you wanted but feelings can’t just be erased like they never happened, like you never had them in the first place.

If she could go back in time, she would. She would go back in time to avoid dating Baekhyun. This was one of the relationships that weren’t meant to be. They should’ve left things how they were before, with her having a crush on Baekhyun that couldn’t go anywhere because she was on the road to studying abroad in Italy. They weren’t in sync; they didn’t meet at a time in their lives when things could’ve worked out. And, maybe, both of them should’ve just accepted that that chapter in their lives had ended.

In the end, it wasn’t worth it and it wasn’t meant to be. From the start, the relationship was doomed.

Sehun couldn’t help but feel confused, sitting on the couch next to you. You’d just told him that you couldn’t be with him. That you’d thought about it and realized it wasn’t a good idea right now. He said, “Did something happen? I-I thought you wanted this…”

You bit your lip. “I don’t think I’m ready. I’m not over that guy...and I’m sorry for leading you on like this.”

Sehun had a feeling that you weren’t ready but part of him hoped that you were. He couldn’t be mad at you. If anything, he was grateful that you were telling him this now rather than later. He liked you and he enjoyed spending time with you, but it was better off letting each other go if you couldn’t give him what he needed. It seemed like you needed time and, to be honest, it seemed like even with time he couldn’t be sure that you’d pick him.

He couldn’t hide his disappointment. He liked you more than he expected to and finding out that the two of you most likely weren’t going to date was disappointing. You were younger than him and you were unsure of your feelings and what you wanted. Regardless of age though, Sehun knew what he wanted and he knew what he needed from a potential partner. He realized that he was chasing someone who kept leading him to dead ends.

He stood up from the chair. “I understand. I hope you figure things out with Baekhyun…”

Sehun knew that Baekhyun was the person that you weren’t over, whether you said it to him or not. He knew that Baekhyun was the reason for the sudden change of heart. Things had been adding up all night, but he kept quiet about it. He chose to ignore the signs because he liked you. And part of him—the selfish part—had hoped that you’d ignore your feelings and come to him instead. But he knew how feelings worked. They didn’t make sense and they couldn’t be helped.

“I’m sorry, Sehun,” he said. “Maybe we could—”

He shook his head. “I think we should just leave it alone for now. I don’t wanna keep running around in circles with you. I like you and I don't want to hold onto the hope that you’ll come around.” He took a deep breath. This was hard for him, too. Sehun was ready to settle down, to finally find someone he clicked with. And he thought he’d found that with you but, so quickly, that dream was over. “You have a history with him, right? It’s complicated...so you should figure that out. And I’m not saying any of this to be petty. I genuinely mean it...Anyway, let’s just move on with our lives for now. If we cross paths one day, that’s fine, but I think we should just end things for now.”

Sehun had said everything he needed to say. And you didn’t have many words to say, but you found a few. “I don’t want you to think I never liked you...because I do. I meant all of the things I said to you tonight but there are just some things I need to take care of, like you said. Thank you for being understanding…”

“Take care, Y/N…”

“You too, Sehun.”

You woke up to your cell phone vibrating at four in the morning. You’d fallen asleep after a shower and you groaned as you looked at your phone and saw Baekhyun’s name flashing across the screen.

Was he serious right now?

“Baekhyun, are you forreal?”

“I can’t sleep,” he said. “Me and Kira are over. I really fucked things up but I can’t stop thinking about you. Every thought I have is of you. I just...really need to talk to you.”

“What is there to talk about Baekhyun? Everything is over.”

“Open the door and tell me that everything is over. Tell me in person.”

“Go home, Baekhyun.”

“Please open the door, Y/N.”

You hung up on him and groaned. You rubbed sleep from your eyes and headed to the front door. When you opened the door Baekhyun was on the other side, dressed in a white t-shirt, sweats, and his black leather jacket.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said. “I need you...”

“Baekhyun, please,” you said. “You can’t just show up to my house in the middle of the night and try to talk to me about shit like this...”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same,” he said. “Tell me you don’t have feelings for me and I’ll leave you alone.” Baekhyun knew you well. He knew that you couldn’t lie to him. And he knew that deep down, you still had feelings for him somewhere.

You looked up at him with tired eyes but you said nothing but before you could say anything, his lips were on yours. You did nothing to stop him and he kissed you and you kissed him back in the hallway of your apartment building. If anything, you deepened the kiss and melted into his embrace. His hands found your face and a few seconds later, you grabbed him and pulled him into the apartment before shutting the front door behind you.

“I want you,” he said, pulling away. “I wish I could take everything back but I can’t. And I know there’s nothing I can do or say to make it right but I want this. I want us. I want to be with you, Y/N…and, um, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, at least—”

“I waited so long to hear you say that,” you admitted. “It’s all I ever wanted, Baek…” He kissed you again and you bumped and collided into the walls until you managed to get to your bedroom. His kiss, his touch, his everything felt right. You wrapped your arms around him and you said, “Show me...Show me how much you love me.”

Baekhyun nodded, putting his jacket on the chair in the corner of your room. You bit your lip, anticipating what was to come. You hadn’t slept with anyone else and you were ready. Sex with Baekhyun was the best you’d had yet and it had been hard not to have him for so many months. You’d been dying for a taste of him and here he was. All your prayers had been answered at this moment.

You took your t-shirt off, showing off the rest of your body. Luckily for Baekhyun, you hadn’t been wearing any panties, leaving you completely naked. Baekhyun felt himself getting hard, looking at your figure. You were perfect and his dick throbbed for you. He took off his pants, freeing himself from the restraints of his sweats.

He approached you slowly, taking your body in. “You’re so perfect...” He pulled you into his chest, feeling on your body gently. “Are you sure you want this?” You nodded and sat on the bed. Baekhyun joined you, pressing his lips on yours. This time, the kisses were more gentle, more passionate. His tongue slowly entered yours and when you pulled away, you helped him out of his shirt, then his boxers. You ran your fingers across his head, causing Baekhyun to let out a slight gasp of pleasure.

For a moment, you stared at each others’ naked bodies. You loved everything about Baekhyun. You loved his body; the way it rocked against you when he was inside you and how it seemed like it was made just for you. You loved his lips and how they weren’t too big or too small, and the way he kissed you as if the world was ending. You loved his hands, his fingers and how slim they were and the way they felt inside you.

He pinned you to the bed, his hands on yours. He kissed your neck, sending shivers up your body. He kissed you there, sucking enough to leave a slight bruise but you didn’t care. You bit your lip in concealed pleasure, as he made his way past your neck and to your chest. Baekhyun took his time with your breasts, taking them in his hands. He squeezed them lightly before taking a nipple into his mouth. He sucked each lightly, slow and steady. Your body shuddered with pleasure and you let a tiny moan escape from your mouth. Baekhyun kept going, this time flicking his tongue a little more roughly. You moaned louder and Baekhyun started kissing down your stomach until he arrived at the place he’d been wanting to taste so badly.

You arched your back as Baekhyun circled his tongue around your clit, so lightly that it tickled. He did that a few more times, just to tease you. And before you could even beg, he started sucking on your clit like it was a piece of hard candy. You let out a string of expletives and Baekhyun was pleased with himself. He was driving you crazy and all that could be heard in your room was the sound of Baekhyun’s tongue and him slurping up your wetness.

“Fuck, I need you,” you whispered.

“You need me?” Baekhyun said, humming into your wet folds.

“Yes,” you whimpered.

A few seconds later, Baekhyun stopped. He licked his lips and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. And without further ado, he positioned himself between your legs and pushed inside you. You hummed in pleasure as you felt him fill you up. Baekhyun started kissing you again and you melted into his embrace as he thrusted in and out of you slowly. His lips never left yours and you wrapped your legs around him, pushing him in deeper.

Everything about this felt right to Baekhyun. Your legs felt perfect around his waist, your moans were music to his ears, and your tongue slid perfectly against his when he kissed you.

“Fuck,” he said, “you’re so tight…”

You moaned softly, Baekhyun still thrusting into you slowly; He wanted to take his time with you. He wanted to fuck you right and show you everything you’d been missing. He wanted you to feel him, in every sense of the word. He kissed you more and, eventually, he fit his fingers between yours. He held your hands down and thrusted himself more deeply into you.

You whispered, “Harder.”

Baekhyun did as you wished and he knew that your orgasm had been building up. It was as if he was dancing inside of you, his hips picking up the pace, thrusting like his life depended on it. You bit your lips and your body writhed from underneath him. You wrapped your arms around him, digging your nails into his back. But Baekhyun didn’t mind. Scratch him, bite him, he didn’t care. As long as you were enjoying yourself, he’d let you ruin him.

He pressed his body into yours, putting some weight on you. You were getting closer and closer as Baekhyun groaned in your ear and started kissing your neck. You were pulsing around him, squeezing his dick.

“Keep doing that baby,” he said. “Don’t stop.”

“Fuck,” you said, letting out another moan. He felt so good inside you. You felt like you were going to burst soon. Baekhyun lifted himself off of you; He knew you were close and he wanted to see all the beautiful faces you made when you were coming. He looked you in your eyes while he fucked you, which turned you on more than he knew.

You were beginning to unravel. You were so close, at the top of a mountain. Then you let yourself fall, fall into a blinding pleasure. You came undone around Baekhyun. You couldn’t see. You couldn’t hear. But you could feel it, as you tipped over the edge with a toe curling gasp.

This was the moment Baekhyun had been waiting for. He loved the way your eyes screwed shut and the way your lips parted slightly. And how your body jerked and writhed with your orgasm. He felt your pussy pulsing, squeezing and pushing him around. That was all he needed and that was all it took for him to come right after. He’d been holding back this whole time, struggling to hold himself together until you came. The thighs that had been tightening around him turned to jelly. And he groaned one last time before he collapsed on top of you.

Both of you panted heavily, your hearts racing. You wrapped your arms around him as you caught your breath. The two of you were at a loss for words. Reality started to set in for you. You never expected this to happen. Hell, you were prepared for the possibility of never being on speaking terms with Baekhyun again. But here he was, on top of you with his dick still inside. Who would’ve thought the events of tonight would lead up to this?

He pulled out of you, reaching for the box of tissues on your nightstand. As he returned to wipe you off, he noticed a huge wet spot on your sheets. You’d been dripping, leaking all over the bed while he fucked you. And now his cum was oozing out of your pussy.

As he cleaned you up, he said, “We made a mess, huh?” You glanced down, noticing the sheet. You let out a giggle. “It’s okay. I’ll help you wash it tomorrow if I can spend the night here with you.”

You smiled, standing up. “Of course. It’s like five in the morning.”

As the two of you pulled the sheet back, Baekhyun said, “I don’t want you to think that this is all I came here for…”

You laid down on the bed, propping yourself up with pillows. “That’s not what I think. I wanted this too...”

He sat next to you on the bed. He hesitated but he needed to know what would become of them. He looked you in your eyes for a few seconds. “Can we...try again? I know I can’t take anything back but I want to start over.”

You nodded and said, “I forgive you, Baekhyun. Let’s do things right this time, okay?”

His heart almost jumped out of his chest. He never expected things to go like this. He didn’t expect you to forgive him, he didn’t expect to sleep with you, or for things to get as far as they got. It was like all of his prayers had suddenly been answered. He knew that, deep down, he didn’t deserve you. But maybe he did. Maybe everything that had happened was for a reason, reasons that neither of you would ever understand. Over the past few weeks, Baekhyun felt like he’d undergone something like character development. He’d taken you for granted and he wasn’t honest with himself or with anyone else about his feelings. He’d been immature and in denial. This situation, in a way, put things into perspective for him.

This time, you leaned in for a kiss. When you pulled away, you said, “Did you mean what you said before?”

“What?”

“That you love me…”

Baekhyun nodded. That was the one feeling he was one hundred percent certain about. He loved you. “Of course I meant it.”

“Say it again.”

You thought that maybe it was a ridiculous request and that it was just your insecurities trying to get the better of you. But, in this moment, you needed a bit of reassurance. Most people would’ve told you to leave Baekhyun in the dust, that you deserved better. And maybe it was true. But it wasn’t your truth. The truth was that Baekhyun made you happy. Even though you’d been hurt, your heart still skipped a beat every time your eyes met. You just needed to know that everything was okay and that you were making the right decision.

“I love you,” he said. “I love you, Y/N…”

You kissed again and again as the sun rose, the light peeking through your blinds. You melted into his embrace and he melted into yours. The two of you got lost, drunk, in each others mouths. And, through the blinds, you could see the sun rising. A new day, no—a new chapter was ahead. And you were just glad Baekhyun was here for the ride.

FIN. (like, actually)

Tag List: @shesdreaminginoverdose @multistania @jeonchan26 @myonlyaurora @keloiu @xxluckydreamsxx @multifandomeras @blanknearvana @jddcfc-blog @jummyjammy @mintaemark @kokobyunee @fortheloveofinfinite @littleflowercrown13 @wayvexo @to-all-the-stories-i-love @ggaayyyong @hyuniebaby @giriboyshogu @xyukheix @jekylluv @forbyun @endzii23 @puppyeoliepop @aa-ronpa @jessverdin @princemicorazon @sjkings @marimsun @baekhypnotized @cynthbee @xuyiyangstan @justmitchie @minseoksnz @wooya1224 @stepanielove @deadelline @kimluvwoo @sehunski @desired-love- @bexinini @g0lden-sunset @justineasian @vad-hander @loeygotospacenow @nana-banana @happiestgirlontheeastcoast

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eurydicees · 3 years

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top 10 ouran manga-only arcs

this is going to be such a long post i apologize in advance. the ranking system has absolutely no criteria other than "does this pass my vibe check.” bonus points were awarded if i could think about tamakyo while reading it; points were also awarded every time tamaki did something cool. this was a delight to make. anyways, without further ado, here are my personal top ten favorites, and no i will not be taking criticism.

1. THE TAMAKI EXTRAVAGANZA

(vol 16 chp 73 - vol 18 chp 80)

PLOT:

So much happens here that I couldn’t think of an actual name, and uh does it count as a single arc? Probably not, but I’m counting it as one because it has a single thread: Tamaki. My beloved. So. First, Tamaki finally, finally, finally moves into Suoh mansion #1, but when he gets there, he gets told that he’s only allowed to study the Suoh business and go to school and nothing else— meaning he has to quit the host club. Shizue threatens to out Haruhi as a girl and ruin her reputation— possibly losing her the scholarship— if Tamaki doesn’t break off all ties with her.

The Host Club disbands. Kyoya begins an Investigation™ into Tamaki’s mother— she had been incredibly weak and unhealthy when Tamaki was a child, but when Kyoya met her, she was pretty healthy. After some sleuthing, the hosts minus Tamaki discover that she probably had Bisco Hatori’s fictional version of lupus, which was cured by a mysterious foundation— which they discover was run by the Grantaine family, funded by the Suoh corporation, and actually researched by the Ootori conglomerate. Literally everyone is in on it. It’s fucking wild. Like. Huge “holy fucking shit I need to stop and take a breath” moment.

This information is suddenly released to the public, and then the Suoh corporation all vote Shizue out of her position, saying that she’s no longer fit for the job. She locks herself in her room and refuses to speak to anyone, breaking Tamaki’s heart. But now that she’s no longer top dog, Anne-Sophie can come to Japan— Yuzuru is super hyped and expects Tamaki to be as well, not understanding that Tamaki’s family fantasy includes his grandmother. Tamaki stops going to school and plays piano every day in order to cheer up the house, eventually luring Shizue out to listen to him play their shared favorite songs from J-dramas.

They begin to bond and Shizue sees that he’s not a failure because of his parentage, but it’s too late because Anne-Sophie is about to fly back to France. All is hopeless.

EXCEPT THEN. All of the hosts and all of the clients realize what’s happening and rush to help him get to his mother. They all adore him so much, and give their all into getting Tamaki to the airport. Shizue finally encourages him to go, realizing— with the help of Haruhi— that she has been bitter and selfish and Tamaki deserves better. They rush to the airport, and through a series of shenanigans that are no match for the combined power of the hosts and every single girl at Ouran, Tamaki makes it to the airport. They make it there JUST in time, and Tamaki gets a five minute reunion with his mother. Haruhi finally confesses to Tamaki that she loves him.

WHY I LOVE IT:

oh my God oh my God oh my GOD. Like. This is just. So much. So Much. We all know that I’m like. The #1 Fan of Tamaki Suoh. Like. President, vice president, treasurer, and secretary of the fan club, all at once. I love him so much, and this just gives him so much development. There is so much opportunity for him to grow and you not only really see who he is as a character, but you also see how much he’s grown as a person from his first introduction. You also get more of a glimpse into the world of Rich People, and the way that all of their families interact with each other, and then also with the way that they interact within their families. It’s just such an intense arc and it’s so beautiful and I love it so much.

2. THE SPORTS COMPETITION

(vol 10 chp 46 - vol 11 chp 49)

PLOT:

This one is HARD to rank, because I love it, but it also Hurts. Like. I genuinely cried over this one, though that’s not actually saying much because I cry at everything. So. Here’s what’s up. Tamaki gets into this idea of a sports festival, and then Kuze wanders in to fight Kyoya again, so Tamaki suggests a competition between the two of them. This is a very Tamaki thing to do, but Kyoya gets fed up with it and refuses to participate— until Kuze accuses him of being “Suoh’s pet” and that he’ll always let Tamaki win, and then Kyoya gets fired the fuck up.

But he’s still bitter at Tamaki for starting this, so the two of them stop talking and my heart breaks. This does not stop Tamaki from having heart eyes for Kyoya 24/7. Hikaru and Kaoru are assigned to competing teams, and begin their Very Long Journey into not being so codependent— Hikaru is on the red team with Tamaki, Haruhi, and Kuze; Kaoru is on the white team with Kyoya and Honey.

Essentially, each team goes through rounds of races in different areas that are like. Complete bullshit games, but whatever. It’s Rich People World. The white team gets ahead; the red team performs a scene from a Shakespeare show to rally their losing team together and begins to win, until they’re on even footing. The final race is between Kyoya and Tamaki.

There’s a heartbreaking series of panels of Tamaki just… thinking about Kyoya. I cannot get enough of it. Then there’s an even more heartbreaking series of panels of Kyoya just… thinking about Tamaki. You realize, alongside the other hosts, that Tamaki pushed for this race not really for benefit or fun, but to give Kyoya a chance to compete in something for real, without having to set it up so that Tamaki wins (as we see in the race for the central salon). It’s a chance for him to win and not put his family first. Tamaki still tried his best, because Kyoya would hate him if he threw the race, but he lost because Kyoya fought with the intention of winning for HIMSELF, and not just playing support to Tamaki or impressing his father.

Finally, in the last panel, it’s revealed that the class trip will be to France.

WHY I LOVE IT:

God it burns so good. So Good. The Tamakyo, the Hikaru & Kaoru character growth, the Kyoya development, the Tamaki being so so so good, the Kyoya being so brilliant, everything oh my lord. This is really one of the biggest points of Kyoya’s character development, and it’s the first place I’m going to point to when thinking accurately about who he is as a person. It shows who he is, and who he believes he is, and who he wants to be, and who other people see him as. It’s also just a Tamakyo goldmine, even though they don’t ever actually talk. It’s so beautiful and it makes me cry.

3. THE ORIENTEERING RACE

(vol 14 chp 66 - vol 15 chp 68)

PLOT:

In an attempt to make Tamaki realize that the hosts all love him just as much as he loves them, the hosts sans Tamaki put together an orienteering race. There are six checkpoints, each one with a task to be completed in order to get an ingredient that will make the best meal at the end of the race.

Hikaru and Kaoru play the return of the “Which one is Hikaru?” game, knowing that Tamaki has been able to tell them apart for a while by now; Nekozawa’s checkpoint is a quiz on cursed items, knowing that Tamaki is familiar with Beelzenef; Honey’s checkpoint is a game of whack-a-mole with little mini Usa-chans, knowing that Tamaki isn’t afraid of making him upset over a game, though all the girls are; Mori’s is a sword slicing thing to show that Tamaki will never give up on something; Haruhi’s is a “tell the truth or never pass” kind of thing; and Kyoya’s is a crossword puzzle of all the answers made up of things from previous club themes.

Tamaki pairs up with Konoya— who is in love with him and is the “perfect Haruhi” trope— and realizes that she’s incredibly different from Haruhi, and that he loves Haruhi for who she is and not who he thought he wanted her to be. He also realizes that— because the hosts have gone through all of this for him— they do love him for who he is, no matter what, no matter the bad parts of his personality, and they’re never leaving him.

WHY I LOVE IT:

Look. We know that anything about Tamaki is gonna make me happy. I am a simple woman and so easy to please. This is literally just three chapters about how much all of the hosts love Tamaki and want him to be happy. I cannot express in words how rewarding it is to watch Tamaki realize how important he is and how much he’s loved— because he is loved, he’s so loved, he’s so so so loved. This is also the arc with the building block / building a home metaphor, and it destroyed me both physically and emotionally (vol 14 chp 66). This is where the found family is really solidified, and we all love a good dosage of found family.

4. RACE FOR THE CENTRAL SALON / THE SCHOOL FAIR

(vol 6 chp 22 - vol 6 chp 26)

PLOT:

This is where the anime diverges from the manga, and I have to say that this version of the school fair is just so much better than the anime version. Like. Just So Much Better. Basically, the club is setting up for the school fair, and the best spot to set up— essentially, the spot that will get the most foot traffic form the parents— is in the central salon. To figure out which club is going to get the spot, they all compete in a literal race, both mind games and physical games and it just slaps overall.

The b-plot is that the Host Club is getting threatening letters telling them to drop out of the race, alongside blank papers that are sent with the notes; the hosts have to figure out who is sending the notes and confront it. This is the arc that introduces both Kuze and Yuzuru Suoh for the first time. Kuze is captain of the football team and Kyoya’s rival and also definitely his secret ex-boyfriend. Chairman Suoh is… just. A lot. Just. That’s it. A Lot. He’s A Lot.

Anyways, part of the winning race is capturing this crown that’s hidden on campus, which turns out to be at a swimming pool. The football team gets there at the same time as Haruhi, and Kuze pushes her into the pool and goes for the crown. Kyoya and Tamaki reach her at the same time— Tamaki’s instinct is to go for Haruhi, but Kyoya tells him to get the crown and thus the glory of winning, while Kyoya rescues Haruhi.

Later, it turns out that Yuzuru was sending the blank papers with harmless messages written in invisible ink as a prank to emphasize the literal hate mail that the hosts were getting. The follow up to the race is the actual school fair, where we meet Yoshio and Shizue. Fuck Shizue, not even going to get into that right now because I WILL cry, but just know that it’s even worse than it is in the anime. Yoshio, though, is eons better in the manga than in the anime— he is genuinely proud of Kyoya and says that he actually wouldn’t mind appointing Kyoya as heir.

WHY I LOVE IT:

Volume 6 does SO MUCH for Kyoya and Tamaki and we all know that I’m ride or die for the two of them. Kyoya finally gets a chance to shine as team leader and it’s what he deserves! Tamaki takes a little more of a backseat, which I don’t even mind, because Kyoya does such a good job of pulling attention here. The scene at the swimming pool is just so good— it really shows the huge amount of trust between Tamaki and Kyoya, and does a good job of setting up the relationship they need to have as Rich People, outside of their friendship, which is something that we don’t see a lot of. Overall, it’s a very Kyoya-centric arc, and it does amazing things for the development of his character and personality. It’s one of the biggest insights into how he functions as a kind of mastermind for the club. We also finally get Tamaki’s full-ish backstory, which genuinely makes me cry every time.

5. THE HITACHIIN FAMILY

(vol 10 chp 45 / vol 11 chp 51 - vol 12 chp 53)

PLOT:

So this is technically two plot lines, but I’m going to count it as one because it’s all about the twins, my loves. In vol 10 chp 45, we get a little insight into the life of the Hitachiin family and why the twins are as fucked up as they are. Quick rundown— their parents can tell them apart but pretend not to for whatever godforsaken reason; Kaoru admits he’s in love with Haruhi for the first time and Hikaru remains oblivious; Kaoru begins to realize how unhealthy he and Hikaru’s relationship is and how, one day, they aren’t going to be able to have all of the same things; there’s a cookie metaphor; Tamaki gets lost in the Hitachiin manion; it’s all a good time.

In volumes 11 and 12, we begin the actual split between the twins, where they realize that they can’t stay the way that they are forever. They can’t be one person forever. They realize this in a fight over Haruhi, where Hikaru suggests they “share” her as a sister, and Kaoru rightfully thinks this is bullshit. They get in their first— and only— genuinely real argument. Hikaru breaks down in Mori’s house, Kaoru breaks down at Honey’s place, literally no one is happy and I am crying.

Kaoru asks Haruhi out on a date, and then ends the date by explaining that he could never date her knowing that it would be hurting Hikaru. Haruhi is, understandably, very confused by this whole thing, and no one is telling her anything.

Kaoru then makes up with Hikaru, saying that he’ll give up on trying to pursue Haruhi, but tells him that they actually do need to live separate lives at some point— and that point might as well be now. He wants to break apart entirely, but Hikaru explains that while they need to break apart in a lot of ways and find their own identities, they can never fully forget each other. They agree that they can influence and love each other without depending on each other for a personality.

They keep up the incest ACT at the club, though. Bisco Hatori couldn’t manage to write her way out of that one.

WHY I LOVE IT:

So this one just. Really hits home for me. It’s a genuinely heart wrenching arc, and the progression of the whole thing was just so slow and so steady and it was so well done. The twins are two of my favorite characters in the show/manga, and their relationship is something that I can analyze for days, and this arc is a huge part of why it’s so interesting. It does amazing things for both of them as developing characters, but it does even more amazing things for their character growth as people. It also provides a nice catalyst for the Hikaru/Tamaki/Haruhi love triangle. Anyways, it made me cry and apparently that’s my only criteria.

6. THE FRANCE ARC

(vol 10 chp 46 - vol 12 chp 56)

PLOT:

On the Ouran 2nd year school trip to France, Kyoya decides he’s going to spend the trip searching for Tamaki’s mother, rather than spending it with the other students. He works himself to death trying to find her— he ends up literally falling asleep on the ground because he’s so exhausted from searching and taking literally no breaks. Kyoya finds her eventually, and has a really nice conversation with her— she has a bunch of photos of Tamaki, and clearly is constantly thinking about him. When he gets back to Japan, he tells Tamaki about her— about how beautiful she is, about how she smiles, about how she thinks of her son every day.

We get more of Tamaki’s backstory, and his close relationship from his mother and how his mantra— living life in Japan to the fullest and being as happy as he can be every day— all comes from his mother. She told him that she’s happiest when he’s smiling, and so when he leaves her behind in France, he decides to be smiling every day and make everyone around him smile as well.

While Kyoya is in France, Tamaki stays behind in Japan— he gets closer to his father, who offers to begin to train him to take over the Suoh business. He visits Haruhi, and tells her a little bit about his life in France, and Haruhi’s love for Tamaki begins to make an appearance for the first time.

WHY I LOVE IT:

So I went into this list thinking that this would be my favorite plot, so it’s wild to me that it didn’t even make the top five. It’s kind of weird and I didn’t expect it, but I’m still satisfied with this list. Anyways, I really love this one, even if it’s not the top five. It’s like. The ultimate Tamakyo story, and there’s just. There’s just so much to unpack there. Like. We don’t have time for me to go through the whole thing and analyze every part of it because there’s just so much of it. It’s so good, and it makes my heart grow three sizes. It’s another brilliant development piece for Kyoya, and shows his softer side, as well as just how much he loves Tamaki.

7. MORI AND HONEY GRADUATE

(vol 15 chp 71 - vol 16 chp 72)

PLOT:

Honey and Mori announce that, after graduation, they’ll be splitting up and going to different universities. This proceeds to emotionally destroy literally everyone except for them. Mori is challenged to a series of duels at the Kendo club in which he has to fight every underclassman who wants the honor of fighting him before he graduates. He’s exhausted and worn down, and he loses to a second year, which is bad for like. Honor reasons. RIP. Anyways. He reveals that he’s just been really worried about something but before he can tell anyone, he has to duel Honey. It hurts.

They start preparing for the fight— which Kyoya is capitalizing off of via movie rights and betting rings— and scare everyone that they’re going to never speak again. When the fight comes, they fight on the Windswept Hill™ at Ouran (the same place that Chika and Honey fight on way back when). They go for it and pull no punches, until Honey tries to do a flying kick and Mori catches him and gently places him outside of the boundaries of the fighting ring, thus winning the duel.

Because he won, he pulls out a sheet of paper in which he’s written down all of the things that Honey needs to do in university because Mori isn’t going to be there to take care of him: brush his teeth, cut down the cake by 90%, and stop bringing Usa-chan to classes. Mori felt that he didn’t have the right to tell him these things until they were on equal level because he had won the duel.

They make up and everything is okay— they graduate, everyone cries, including me. Kasanoda gives Mori flowers, it’s all very cute. Haruhi makes cookies, and when Tamaki goes running down the hallway to find her, they bump into each other and drop all of the cookies. While they’re picking them up, they share the classic ~accidental kiss~.

WHY I LOVE IT:

This is one of the only Honey & Mori-centric plotlines that gets fully fleshed out and like. More than a chapter. It really does lovely things for their relationship, and it’s the end of an era. Even though it’s the end of an era, though, the resolution is incredibly satisfying— Honey and Mori’s stories are wrapping up, but it’s really well done. It’s sad, but it’s a really rewarding ending. They’re such sweet boys. Also, it’s not like they’re gone forever, so it’s all okay.

8. REIKO x HONEY

(vol 10 chp 41)

PLOT:

Reiko is part of the Black Magic Club, and falls in love with Honey when he gives her a hand in getting up after she trips over Usa-chan. However, she believes that falling in love with Honey is equivalent to him “stealing her soul,” and so she uses “curses” to steal his soul back. These curses are basically just love spells.

In the end, Honey tells her to just, like, be herself. Talk about her interests. Get to know him. Be honest. Then she won’t need love spells to make him like her. Even if she messes up or is awkward or says something weird, he’ll still like her because she’s being true to herself. This is one of the only Honey-centric chapters, and Reiko is one of my favorite side characters.

WHY I LOVE IT:

They’re the OG goth x pastel couple. The blueprint for all other couples. Icons. I love them so much. This makes it on the list just because I love their relationships. I also love the whole Moral Of The Story, in that it’s important to be true to yourself. It’s so sweet it hurts.

9. HARUHI AND TAMAKI’S FIRST DATE

(vol 18 chp 81 - vol 18 chp 82)

PLOT:

So. Right after the two of them confess their love to each other, everyone expects them to get together and be a couple right away, but Haruhi is just kinda chilling. She’s not super stressed about dating, it’s just a relief to have said it out loud. Meanwhile, Tamaki is kind of a mess, stressing out over their first date and trying to make it as perfect as he possibly can. Seeing him so stressed, all of the hosts band together to help him out in planning a date. When Tamaki finally gets up the nerve to ask her out, he falls in the fountain and Haruhi has to fish him out. She’s then the one to ask him out to the amusement park.

In true Tamaki fashion, he gets incredibly stressed out again. He gets fashion advice from a series of unfashionable people. The hosts sneak around the amusement park and follow them around, finding out that it’s actually going really well, as long as they’re not interfering. After the Lobelia girls show up and try to sabotage the date, Tamaki and Haruhi run away— while Kyoya Handles™ the situation— and they go to her mother’s grave. There, it’s revealed that Haruhi will be going on an exchange program to America.

WHY I LOVE IT:

It’s just. So cute. Like. I’m Tamakyo for life, but I do adore them so much. It’s lower on the list because of the sheer amount of second hand embarrassment, but overall, I loved reading this one. Tamaki is just so genuine and earnest about everything he does, and I think these chapters do a lot to show why the two of them work as a couple. It also does lovely characterization points for Haruhi, and begins to wrap up the ending. Bonus points for a jealous and heartbroken Kyoya.

10. PRINCESS MICHELLE

(vol 9 chp 38 - vol 9 chp 39)

PLOT:

Princess Michelle comes to Ouran to do a week of school in Japan. After meeting her, Tamaki essentially puts him and the Host Club at her beck and call, doing anything that he can to make her happy, no matter how insanely extravagant her demands are. Everyone else finds this infuriating, until Kyoya points out that Michelle looks similar to Tamaki’s mother, saying that the last time Tamaki saw his mother, she was crying— and if he sees Michelle smile for real, it might help him picture his mother smiling again.

Overall, it’s just a very soft arc that begins to unfold Tamaki’s family-related trauma. It also kickstarts Tamaki’s realization that he’s in love with Haruhi and doesn’t actually have paternal feelings for her (that’s the whole next chapter, but make it funny rather than introspective); and it’s one of the moments that Haruhi realizes that Tamaki is genuinely just a good person.

WHY I LOVE IT:

I wasn’t sure that this one would make the list at all, but I do really love this story. It’s pretty short, just two chapters, but it’s overall really sweet. I like Michelle as a character a lot— she seems a bit like a bitch at the beginning, but she gets fleshed out and given an actual personality as the chapter goes on. It’s a really good example of Bisco Hatori’s writing.

HONORARY MENTIONS:

Mei (character): probably the most significant character in the manga that doesn’t appear at all in the anime, which is pretty tragic, but I think that the anime really wanted to emphasize that Haruhi doesn’t really have any female friends / friends outside of the hosts. But anyways, she’s Misuzu’s daughter and Haruhi’s friend; she’s lowkey transphobic but she’s getting better! Had a brief crush on Tamaki but she ends with being the #1 Tamaharu stan. Great friend to Haruhi.

The masquerade ball: Haruhi's going away party, and the reveal that she's a girl.

Haruhi gets kidnapped: Haruhi is kidnapped and held for ransom, the hosts find her and break down doors to get there.

#ohshc #ouran manga #ouran koukou host club #ouran high school host club #ouran liveblog #ouran #ouran high school host club manga #please rb this i worked SO HARD on it #also please add your opinions #there are a few different lists that are valid. and many that are not.#i will vibe check your lists if you post them

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nct-oli · 3 years

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IPYTM EP 4

I just feel like saying all of my IPYTM ep 4 thoughts now that I watched the episode, before I read any other posts on here. Raw thoughts minutes after closing the episode.

I feel like I need to say this first. I do not agree with Oh reading Teh’s logbook and invading his privacy, but I do appreciate that he told him later that he did. I also do not like the hitting Teh with the bouquet. Okay, just wanted to get that out of the way.

TEH (AND JAI)

I’m still mad at Teh. I do not forgive him. But I do want to say that Jai is a piece of shit for manipulating Teh the way he did. This episode made it so clear to me how Jai used what Teh wrote in that logbook to his gain, recognizing how vulnerable Teh was and seeing how weak his relationship with Oh-Aew had gotten and using that to his benefit.

Now honestly, I can’t tell if that truly was his plan from the start or if he saw the way Teh had fallen for him and what happened with Oh and decided to say that it was never real in an attempt to stop it as soon as possible.

Regardless, if he was a good friend as well as a good director, Jai would never have used Teh’s broken relationship the way he did. He could have tried to help Teh rekindle things with Oh, work through some of his fears and anxieties that were keeping him from feeling close to his boyfriend. That very likely could have solved both problems–Teh’s relationship issues and his acting barrier–but instead, Jai manipulated Teh’s feelings.

However, I’m not letting Teh off that easily either. There was a moment when I actually did feel a little bad for him, when I started to recognize how Jai was using him and playing with his feelings. And when Teh and Oh started doing a little better, I allowed myself to think that maybe they could figure it out with more communication.

But no, Teh wandered off at the after party to see Jai, and any tiny flicker of forgiveness I felt went out the door. The way he showed no genuine guilt or shame with Oh too made me honestly sick. Like Oh said, did he think he was stupid? Did Teh think he was being subtle? It gave me secondhand embarrassment to see him believe he was being anything except disgustingly obvious about what was going on.

And then for him to call Jai the Fang to his Akin, with his too-forgiving boyfriend sitting in the other room?? Again, do you have no shame, Teh???

Also, the way Jai and Teh both gaslit Oh-Aew, trying to make him think he was overreacting and overthinking when both of them knew Teh’s feelings were not just the result of his great acting. That the kiss was never just an exercise (at least from Teh’s side, which is the side that mattered most). Watching them both lie to Oh’s face like that lit a rage fire within me.

Now, the scene of Oh-Aew and Teh singing on stage and the music going quiet as Teh’s attention drifted from Oh to Jai was heartbreaking in a really good way. I’m so proud of Oh-Aew for finally deciding that moment was enough, that Teh deserved no more chances, and that he needed to walk away. I’m so proud of him for choosing himself.

I appreciate Teh’s roommate. I don’t have the sympathy in me at this very moment so soon after the episode to wish Teh such kindness, but I’m sure tomorrow morning I’ll be a little more open to him having the emotional support I know deep down he needs. So I’m glad he has his roommate extending a hand.

And it was incredibly sad to watch Teh realize how he’d isolated himself to the extreme all for this one dream, maybe forgetting along the way to dream about his relationship with Oh-Aew, his long term friendships, etc. All of the other dreams you can and should have as well. I think he started to realize everything he’d given up for acting and how less glamorous and fun it really was now that he was here.

And that hit him even more when he got casted and potentially signed, only to face the reality that it also meant erasing the digital footprint of his relationship with Oh, one of the few things he still had left. This life he had envisioned kept getting less and less glamorous by the second.

I’m not saying I want him to give up on his dream of acting, but I do hope that everything that has happened is his much needed wake up call. That he finds more empathy for the people he judged for drifting from acting, for the people he pushed away for not trying hard enough. I hope he sees how selfish and ignorant his actions and his words have been over the past few years and that he takes this as a starting point for a more understanding and accepting outlook on not just his own life but the lives of those around him.

And I do hope he heals one day. Or, well, I will hope for that tomorrow. Tonight I’m still mad at him.

OH-AEW

Now on to Oh. As I said before, I don’t condone the invasion of Teh’s privacy or hitting him with the bouquet. But otherwise, I really am proud of Oh-Aew. Do I think he handled everything perfectly? No. In an ideal world, I would have liked him to confront Teh sooner so he could have given him the opportunity to be honest early on.

But given everything, I think Oh’s level of compassion and his willingness to try to understand are more than most people are willing to give in his shoes. I genuinely do respect how level-headed he went about it. I wish he had been better rewarded for his grace, and instead he got a boyfriend who lied and continued to go behind his back even after Oh had given him an undeserved second chance.

But what I am most proud of is how Oh-Aew handled breaking up with Teh. Telling Teh that he was hurt and asking him to have pity on him. Oh chose himself again, more permanently. In that moment, he understood that Teh’s apology did not warrant forgiveness and that he was allowed to stay hurt, to stay angry, to stay unwilling to take Teh back.

Oh was vulnerable and still stayed firm in his decision to respect himself anyway, to trust his feelings and prioritize his healing. Teh was there crying before him, and he still understood that he had no responsibility to fix Teh’s pain. That the pain Teh was feeling was pain he had inflicted on himself.

You can see in the way he turned back to look at Teh leave and then the way he sobbed afterwards that it took all of his strength to not give in moments earlier. How easy it would have been for him to take comfort in the familiarity of Teh’s embrace once again, to give him that second chance and hope for the best. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he did; it’s hard to give up someone who once made you feel safe. Who once felt like home.

But I am so proud of him for choosing himself anyway. For knowing that, however hard it was in that moment to let go, it would have been even harder to live every day sacrificing his mental and emotional security for a relationship he knew would never feel the same. For a man he could never fully trust again.

Oh-Aew has grown so much.

OH’S FRIENDS

Also, Oh has the cutest, sweetest friends in the world. This was my favorite scene in the entire episode. I’m so glad he found his group and that they love him so much.

The contrast between Teh and Oh-Aew throughout this season and especially in this episode has been really apparent as they’ve drifted apart. And I think this scene really highlighted that. Teh verbally acknowledged how he had no one to turn to anymore, how he’d ruined his relationships with everyone over time, meanwhile Oh was surrounded by people ready to love him and take care of him until he was better.

Oh’s honesty with himself and the people around him resulted in a community of friends supporting him as his authentic self, while Teh’s lies to himself and the people around him resulted in solitude.

It’s tragic for him, really.

EP 5?

Honestly, I have no idea what will happen with episode 5. At this point, I want Oh-Aew to find happiness away from Teh and for Teh to fix his insecurities on his own. I don’t want them together.

Maybe one day they’ll find each other again. I don’t know. But after this season’s storyline has unfolded, I think Oh deserves better. And I don’t think they make sense anymore.

AND BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO BE SAID

Oh-Aew dying his hair from red to black again? Yeah. He is Teh’s red no more.

#this took me 2 whole hours to write and gif #it’s not even THAT long but organizing my thoughts enough to write something coherent took a long time #they should have just left it at itsay #they could have left everyone believing Teh and Oh were happily together :(#long post #sorry I’m on mobile so I can’t add a read more thing #teh x oh aew #i promised you the moon #ipytm spoilers

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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This is going to be long and also not terribly well-edited or organized as I want to post it now but also want to watch The Unsleeping City in 45 minutes. Anyway welcome to why I have really loved Caduceus in the post-hiatus times especially, and particularly in Eiselcross, and how I think missing the mark with Caleb is a brilliant choice, and some thoughts about religion in D&D. Obviously everything I say is subjective and a reading of the text so to speak but the religion part will dip into my own projections so like...especially subjective.

Caduceus has, from the start, always been a unique and necessary perspective within the Mighty Nein, and he’s a voice that’s both desperately needed within the group while having many of his own limitations.

I’ve always shied away from the therapist interpretation. I think that’s to an extent how Caduceus sees himself at times - in fact, I think part of his current arc is that he’s starting to move away from that idea of himself - but the fact is he’s not actually in that role. No one really is and that’s a good thing; found family slash sort of coworkers is a good place to find a confidant, but for a capital-T Therapist you need someone outside that circle.

I’ve mentioned in passing a few times that while I get why some people, and especially ex-Catholics, find a lot of resonance with Essek, my own experience with religion maps incredibly well onto Caduceus. I grew up Jewish and moderately religious, and went to a Jewish school until high school and having most of my social circle within that community. And as most religious minorities can attest, there is a sense of one’s religion being tied up with familial duty or responsibility and dueling pressures to and to not assimilate. I still find a lot of meaning in some religious practices and still practice many of them, but I’ve definitely changed a lot of those practices due to my experiences in high school and especially college, sometimes for good reasons (ie, “this is not in line with the values I’m finding within myself as I gain experience in the world and engage with new perspectives”) and sometimes for more neutral/selfish ones (ie, “I don’t want to go to services on Friday night, I want to go out drinking with my friends.”) Caduceus is a cleric and has a personal relationship with his deity and I don’t think it’s at all in his nature to abandon that, but I think it is a relationship that is changing, and I can say from personal experience that’s even if it’s for the better, even if it’s an evolution rather than a rejection, changing traditions you were raised in because of the outside world is not easy. Anyway, I see a lot of my college self in Caduceus and what he’s going through now, and it is a very quiet and internal struggle but still an important and difficult one.

More generally, while Caduceus is young for a firbolg, he’s still got 80-100 years of experience with the life he once led and probably thought he’d lead for his entire life. His family ventured out, but as far as I can tell, always in the direct service of the Wildmother. Caduceus fulfilled that when he rescued his family. It’s no surprise that he’s felt a little adrift since then. Indeed I think he felt a little uncertain at various other points too - certainly when the party stole a boat in Nicodranas, and he indicated at various other times that he’d had doubts - and that has got to mess with the fact that he had those doubts even while he was on a mission for his family, given to him by his goddess. He apologized to his parents for wanting to continue adventuring, even though they were fully supportive of his decisions.

I’ve already talked about Caduceus changing in Eiselcross especially - finding other things out in the world that were perhaps not directly given to him by the Wildmother but which still could use his help, and changing some of his approaches as a cleric. He admitted to Lucien that he’s not sure what he’s supposed to be doing at this time, and again, that’s a really hard place to be, especially for someone like Caduceus. I am really excited to see how his experiences in Eiselcross and beyond change him.

Back to the limited perspective and his words to Caleb: one thing Caduceus has always excelled at is a sort of...kind disregard for politics. I think some of it is just not having the inclination or taste for mind games, which tend to require both a certain intricacy and a good amount of deception, neither of which Caduceus is good at nor likes. This has often served the party well - Caduceus was the one who got them to involve the Dynasty when the Laughing Hand got out, and he might be the one who is willing to pull in Essek despite others’ doubts. But there is a benefit to politics; there’s telling someone only what they want to hear, which can often be bad, but there is an element of telling people what they should hear in a way in which it will be received, and I don’t know if he’s mastered that either. An unique perspective is valuable, but it’s still only one perspective.

I suspect Caduceus’s feelings towards Caleb are more complex than “turn that frown upside down” (and in general what people say on Talks is going to be ooc, in modern and fairly casual terms, etc) but I also think he may be approaching Caleb from a grief counselor perspective, when trauma is a much different thing, and he may be ascribing intent where, as was said on Talks, this is just there in Caleb whether or not he wants it. And I think this is a great character choice from Taliesin (I really do hope he’s on Talks in two weeks)! Why would a cleric of mourning and how death affects the living have an extensive knowledge of Caleb’s experiences? He wouldn’t! I should note I think Caduceus’s advice has often been very good - towards Fjord as Fjord was reaching out to the Wildmother, and to Beau and Veth in the conversation after the hag encounter especially - and those were conversations about things like religious faith and familial relationships and one’s place on the world, which are things Caduceus has experience with or is going through himself.

I feel like I’ve called characters foils a whole lot now and I don’t think it even fits entirely here, but it is fascinating to contrast Caleb and Caduceus, one of whom has drastically changed his path multiple times, willingly and unwillingly, and one of whom is in the midst of great and unclear change. I think they have more in common than they necessarily believe, and I absolutely think Caduceus’s intentions have always been good, just lacking in some understanding (which I also think Veth and Beau have at times gotten wrong too, in different ways). But Caleb is someone who has understandable difficulty talking about his past, and Caduceus is someone who doesn’t always quite realize if he’s off the mark, and I don’t know if they will resolve this, because neither is in the wrong.

One of my favorite things about both campaigns of Critical Role but especially this one is how interestingly and believably characters misunderstand each other. It was one of my favorite things about the twins in Campaign 1, and it’s been a throughline among many different characters in Campaign 2. Like, if I say I think a PC is misunderstanding someone else, there is an unspoken “and I think that’s fascinating and I want to know what happens next”, and the fact that he’s only just realizing how much he’s changed and how much he might change and expand his horizons is one of my favorite things about Caduceus.

#critical role #caduceus clay #long post #not to continue in the tags (jk always to continue in the tags) but flaws are why i like characters!#this is exceptionally true for caduceus and beau - their very specific perspectives and difficulty changing them is why I love them #a perfect character is boring #and while taliesin has said caduceus was created to be static...i don't think he is static! because static is boring to me!#i think he's someone who thought he was static and the outside world said: bet. and it's phenomenal and i love it.

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writeyouin · 3 years

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Whirl X Reader – My Human - (COMMISSION)

Commission Request – IDW Whirl X Reader. A relationship that turns from Rocky to Love based off the Human Crewmate story. And some smut at the end please.

Word Count – 1884

A/N – Hey, @cyansadgirl I hope this is exactly what you’re looking for. Thank you so much for commissioning me. Happy holidays.

RATING – M

WARNINGS – NSFW/SMUT

You stood patiently outside Whirl’s hab-suite, playing a game on your communicator whilst ignoring the crashes and roars from inside. Ultra Magnus had just informed Whirl that you were to be his new roommate, and Whirl was not taking it well.

It had actually been Rung’s idea, and he had held a meeting with you, requesting that you be Whirl’s first room-mate aboard the Lost Light. You, as the only human, would benefit from the company, and Whirl in turn would hopefully learn to control his temper with someone so delicate living with him.

Nobody really knew if it was a good idea but you had agreed all the same and now all that was left to do was wait until Whirl had calmed down long enough for you to move in. Finally, Ultra Magnus stepped out, looking as grim as ever. He gave you a curt nod and left without another word, hoping that he wouldn’t have to come and correct Whirl’s behaviour again later.

Picking up your bag with the very few possessions you had, you headed into Whirl’s room, noticing that the area that you were supposed to inhabit had been thoroughly destroyed.

Whirl glared at you, “DON’T THINK YOU’RE STAYING HERE FLESH-BAG. ALL YOUR KIND ARE FRAGGERS.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” You sympathised. “I hope you’ll find that I’m not like that.”

You walked to your destroyed corner, fishing out a torn blanket and a pillow that had somehow survived.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OR I’LL THROW YOU OUT. YOU THINK YOU CAN STAND UP TO WHIRL? I’M THE TOUGHEST BOT ON THIS FLYING SCRAP-HEAP. I’LL KILL YOU.”

“Yes, I have no doubt to your strength,” You replied calmly, trying to hide your fear at his words; Rung wouldn’t have suggested this if he thought you would get hurt. “But I was thinking maybe you could give me a chance?”

Whirl narrowed his optic, glaring as you pulled the destroyed furniture towards the door, never once asking for help. He considered throwing you out, but Ultra Magnus had already given you the lock-code, so there would be little point unless he barricaded the door.

“Hah, good luck recharging,” Whirl spat spitefully. “I wrecked that stupid bed of yours.”

“I’ll manage fine with what I’ve got.”

Whirl wondered why you were even bothering. It was already clear that he was going to make your life hell but there you were, stubborn as ever. Well then, he would make a delightful little game of it; if he was going to torture you, he might as well enjoy it.

Whirl glowered on his side of the room. He shouldn’t have to be stuck with you, it was all Ring’s fault for even suggesting you move in with him, and those two dumb captains who were clearly too weak to say no to the eyebrowed freak.

No matter how much Whirl destroyed your stuff or how many insults he threw at you, nothing would get rid of you. You always reacted the same way, with a comment on how you hoped things would change and with that loathsome sympathetic smile that made his spark flutter; HE DIDN’T WANT YOUR SYMPATHY, DAMN IT!

Well, he could outlast you no problem, and he would make sure that he was victorious. Whirl looked for every opportunity to break you mentally, knowing that it would be far too easy to damage you physically; he told himself that there would be no challenge in that and that it wouldn’t do him any good anyway. How could he gloat if you were dead?

It was on a day when you were high up on a custom-made window seat that Whirl finally went too far. He’d had an extremely bad day with some arrogant fragger in “Visage’s” and worst of all, he’d had his aft handed to him in front of everybody. It was rare that Whirl was beat in combat, but he had been a little too overcharged to fight off that other mech, and then he had to return to his hab-suite with a bruised ego. Sure enough, you were there, gazing out at the stars and distant planets with a drink in hand; why did you always have to be there?

“Get the frag outta here,” Whirl slurred angrily.

“Whirl,” You gazed at him with sad eyes, “Did something happen? You look ups-”

You gasped as Whirl punched your window seat. He’d only meant to shake you up, or make you trip over. He’d never intended to hurt you, yet as you fell, you instinctively pushed out your hands to protect yourself and instead, your hand crushed your glass. You cried out in pain, glass embedded in your hand.

“Oh frag!” Whirl exclaimed, “WHAT DO I DO?”

He wanted to grab you and rush to med-bay, but he was afraid of hurting you further, so he called First-Aid to come to him instead. Whirl waited outside while you received stitches on your hand. He felt sick, and the common feeling of self-loathing began to consume him, as it usually did when he had regrets. Why was he such a piece of scrap? You hadn’t done anything to hurt him, not that you could. You were actually the nicest person he’d ever met. Why did he always have to destroy everything good in his life? It wasn’t your fault that you were roommates, it was Reng’s and yet there you were, paying the price. Whirl sat down on the floor, pulled his legs into his arms, and waited for the inevitable moment where you would move out and leave him alone once again.

Much to Whirl’s surprise, you didn’t hate him for the pain he’d caused you. In fact, your first concern was to ask him if he was okay. Whirl scoffed and told you not to be so stupid, but he lacked his usual bite. All he wanted to do was make things right, and since you had evidently decided to stay, he supposed he would get that chance.

His optic lingered on your bandaged hand as he made a gruff apology, unable to meet your eyes. Once you accepted his apology, Whirl felt a weight lift off his chassis. He knew he wasn’t out of the woods yet, but he would do everything he could to make it up to you.

From that day on, Whirl made a constant effort to talk to you, even in public, though he acted much tougher when there were others around, only dropping his guard when you were alone. He answered your questions about his life, even when the truth hurt, and slowly but surely, he found himself lowering his defences.

Most of the time, Whirl found that he had come to enjoy your company. He taught you all he knew about making clocks, even though you were completely awful at it. Whirl was glad that he didn’t have a mouth you could see him smiling with; it was just too damn funny when you got your tiny hands stuck in the springs.

It was one night while you were asleep, and Whirl wide awake that he looked over at you, his spark racing. True, you were no Cybertronian but maybe that was a good thing. After all, look at the damage that Cybertronians had knowingly caused, not only against each-other, but towards other innocent planets too. You would never hurt anyone. You were far too kind to. You were sweet, patient, sympathetic, sensitive, and Whirl was in love with you.

His claw rested despondently against his helm. The simple fact of the matter was that Whirl wasn’t good enough for you. He had already hurt you once. What was to stop him from doing so again? Was it selfish to keep you in his life whilst harbouring such feelings? He didn’t believe so; however self-destructive it would be to him, it wouldn’t affect you, so long as he never told you how he felt.

So, Whirl suffered in silence, his spark aching for what he couldn’t have, until the fateful day that you confessed your own blossoming feelings to him.

Whirl couldn’t believe his audials. He stared at you in a stunned silence, struggling to find his voice.

“You… what?” He choked out.

“I love you,” You said calmly, saddened by the knowledge that he probably didn’t feel the same; interspecies love was usually one-sided.

“You- No. Uh-uh. That’s scrap,” he shook his head disbelievingly.

“I know… You don’t have to feel the same back. I just thought it was better to tell you, in case things changed between us. You… You don’t have to keep me as your roommate if you don’t want to. I’ll understand if-”

“NO! YOU DON’T GET IT. I’M WHIRL. I WAS A WRECKER. I WAS NEVER MADE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU’VE EVER THOUGHT OF ME THAT WAY, THEN YOU’RE EVEN MORE DYSFUNCTIONAL THAN I AM. WHAT THE FRAG IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU WOULD EVEN CONSIDER A MONSTER LIKE ME?”

Whirl abruptly ended his rant at the sight of tears in your eyes; once again, without even trying to, he had hurt you.

“I’m sorry I upset you,” You apologised, leaving Whirl feeling worse than ever when he felt that it should have been him saying sorry.

“I LIKE YOU TOO,” Whirl exploded, lacking eloquence as usual. “I’m no good at this stuff but… we could try talking about this, I guess.”

You cried out Whirl’s name, panting heavily as he thrust into you, working off months of pent up sexual frustration.

For once, Whirl was eerily quiet, his processor overloaded by how tiny, soft, and different you were. He had planned to be gentle with you but seeing you naked beneath him with your cheeks flushed and your head lolling proved to be too much for him. Every time you called out his name, he was reminded just how lucky he was; he couldn’t remember ever being loved, and yet here you were proving that he was worth your affections.

His spike pushed between the wetness of your legs, repeatedly hitting your G-Spot, edging you ever closer to your climax. Your every nerve seemed to tingle, alight with passion. All too soon, you felt yourself clamping around Whirl’s spike.

“Oh God- God- It’s- AH~” You keened as Whirl continued through your climax, completely aroused by your orgasm.

After four more orgasms on your behalf, Whirl finally felt the onset of his own.

“(Y/N), THIS- IS FOR YOU!” He cried out through the static in his vocaliser.

His overload finally hit, filling you up with his transfluid that dripped down your soaked pussy.

Once the two of you had come down from your highs, Whirl swaddled you in a blanket, hooking his arm around you and clutching you into his side.

“This is nice,” You yawned, snuggling into his heat.

“Yeah,” Whirl agreed, having never felt something so intimate. “It really is.”

With that, you both fell into a peaceful silence, safe in each other’s embrace. As you drifted off to sleep, Whirl wondered if he was right to have hopes of a successful relationship. He knew he would talk to Cyclonus about it as soon as he could, but that was a problem for later.

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#whirl #whirl x reader #whirl x fem-reader #idw #tf #transformers #maccadam #the lost light #ll #ultra magnus #commission #reader #reader insert #fanfiction #fanfic #mtmte #more than meets the eye #my human

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p-artsypants · 3 years

Text

I’ll Handle This (14)

In Which Lila Meets an Eldritch Abomination

Ao3 | FF.net

Lila never came back to class. No one saw her after school, and all messages of “what the heck was that?” to her were ignored. So Plagg was slightly confused when it came to the contract not working. He did worry that she was just gathering her sources for another attack. What was she planning? A lawsuit? It wouldn’t be unlike her.

“What’s going on?” Marinette asked, as they walked to the bakery. “I thought you fulfilled the last condition?”

“The powers of destruction come with a small sense of omniscience. I can’t predict the future or even consciously see what’s going on, but I can usually tell when something bad is going to happen, and what it’s going to be.”

“So what’s up?”

“Not sure. My powers are drastically weakened while I’m in Adrien’s body. The Miraculous can probably tell something is wrong. My guess is that Lila is plotting revenge.”

Adrien looked up from Marinette’s purse. “Should we be worried?”

“You don’t worry about a thing. Guaranteed that she’s out for my blood. I’ll be able to handle whatever she throws at me.”

“Even if it’s a lawsuit?” Marinette asked.

“Well...Gabriel can hire a good lawyer. Besides, her mom doesn’t trust her. Why would she enable Lila’s lawsuit?”

“Maybe not a lawsuit then. But I think she’s going to reach out for help now.”

“No. I don’t think so. Lila is very much a ‘if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself’ type. I’m sure she’s coming up with something.”

At this point, they reached the bakery, and Plagg bid them farewell.

“Are you sure I can stay?” Asked Adrien, sounding far too optimistic.

“Please. If you were with me, I’d just have to listen to you wax poetic about how much you love Marinette, and how much you miss her, and how badly you want to kiss her.”

“Shut up.”

“Am I wrong?”

Adrien hid his face in her neck, embarrassed.

“I know him well. I’ll catch you later, Pigtails.” He gave a salute and headed back to the mansion.

Many things crossed Plagg’s mind, most of which were cheese related. He thought about what he was going to have for dinner. He thought about how Gabriel and Emilie were doing, and if that was being resolved as well as he was hoping.

But he didn’t expect someone to grab his wrist and yank him into an alleyway.

His arm was yanked behind his back, and a sharp blade pressed to his throat.

“Shut up and don’t move.” A female voice commanded.

Plagg mulled over the sound for a second before asking, “Lila?”

“I said don’t move!” She shrieked. Her hold on him was tight, but she was trembling. “I’m going to kill you! It’s the only way...”

“Only way what?” He asked calmly.

“To pay you back for what you did! You took everything from me! My mom, my job, the class...I have nothing now!”

“I think you’re being a little dramatic.”

“I am not!” She howled. The gravel in her voice really accentuated the insanity in her tone. She had clearly snapped. “My kingdom has toppled, and I have to start all over again! Everything was so perfect! I even had you wrapped around my finger...and then you had to go and show your true colors! You’ll pay for this!”

Plagg very easily twisted out of her hold and away from the knife, but didn’t try to disarm her. She had a pocket knife, with a blade that could still do some damage, despite it being rather small.

“Okay, that’s enough of this. You’re still in school. Most of your peers don’t even have jobs. Kids have rocky relationships with their parents all the time. All that stuff you ‘lost’? You can get it back, and probably better than ever if you’re genuine and honest.”

She sneered at him. “That’s all well and good for some people, but I don’t want relationships. I want pure, unwavering dedication. And I had it! Our classmates were willing to do everything for me! But you and Marinette—!”

“Marinette had nothing to do with this.”

“I know she did! You didn’t just go from being a pushover to whatever this is for no reason! She put you up to this! She’s turned you on me!”

Plagg tilted his head up so he could look down at her over his nose. “Is that what you think? That someone as sweet as Marinette is capable of convincing me to play friendly with you to purposely piss you off?”

Lila’s face fell. “You mean...that was all an act?”

“Every bit. I hate your guts Lila. I’m glad your so-called kingdom has come crashing down. You didn’t deserve it anyway.”

She screamed at him and waved the knife in his face. “Give me one good reason not to slice your face right now! That would ruin your life, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t have daddy’s approval with a big ugly scar on your face, would you?”

Plagg watched the knife passively. “You wouldn’t hurt me. You’re a coward. You wouldn’t get your hands dirty.”

“Try me!” She shouted, the blade poking his cheek.

He hummed. “I have to ask myself, ‘what would the real Adrien have done?’ And the answer is probably to grovel and cry...but honestly, I don’t care much for that option.”

Confusion took over her face. “What do you mean, the real Adrien? You are Adrien.”

He closed his eyes, and reached up to take off his sunglasses. “Lila, Lila, Lila...Adrien hasn’t inhabited this body in a long, long time.” He opened his eyes, and they resembled Chat Noir’s. Not just with slit pupils, but with acid green sclera too.

“What...?” She stared at him.

The paint on the wall next to him started to peel. “I saw what you were doing, and I allowed it, because I don’t care about petty mortal squabbles.” The pavement under their feet cracked, and the cracks grew out and away from him. “But you continued to involve me in your plans, and I don’t like to be manipulated.”

Totally full of fear and hyped up on adrenaline, Lila punched the knife into Plagg’s shoulder.

He didn’t even flinch. He just took the blade out and ran a hand over the wound, sealing it. Then he held the knife up in front of her face, letting her watch as the metal melted in his hand.

She backed away from him, hitting the wall behind her, paint still peeling. “What are you? What the hell are you?! Some kind of demon?!”

His eyes flashed with a glowing green, and more cracks danced up the side of the building. From deep within the darkness, tiny black tendrils of shadow emerged and made their presence known. From each corner of the alley, from the window sills, from the rooftops, black cats peered around and yowled lowly. The calls filled the space with awful, droning songs.

“Demon? No.” He chuckled. “Bitch, I’m a god.”

At this, Lila started crying. She looked frantically from side to side, looking for a way out. A way to escape from this nightmare. “What are you going to do to me?!” She wailed.

“I haven’t decided yet. Depends on if I want you alive or not. I’m leaning on the not right now.”

“Oh god!” She dropped on her knees in front of him. “Please forgive me! Please! I’m so sorry!”

“You’re sorry now, now when it’s too late. And only for your own sake. Selfish witch.”

“Please don’t kill me! I’ll make it up to you! I’ll...I’ll do whatever you want! You know I can be very convincing! I’ll serve you and do whatever you want! Get you whatever you need!”

He laughed. “With what? Do you know who you’re talking to? I’m Adrien Agreste, one of the most famous people in Paris, if not all of France. And you have no credit anywhere. That’s why you pulled a knife on me, remember?”

She was on her hands and knees. “Please? Please just give me some time!”

“One week.” He smirked.

She looked at him with hope.

“One week, to run and hide, and then I’m coming after you. If you leave Paris, you’ll probably be safe. But if I ever see you again. You’re dead.”

She looked like a ghost, she had gone so white. She just stared with the biggest eyes as the shadows started to disappear.

“Get along now, dear. You’ve got some packing to do.” He stepped aside, and gestured to the alley’s opening for her.

Lila staggered to her feet and took off running, and he could hear her sobbing all the while.

The ring finally, blessedly beeped. One minute to get home before they switched back.

Oh god, only one minute!

He too ran out of the alleyway, much less frantic.

—

About an hour later, Adrien awoke on a hard floor. Last he remembered, he was with Marinette, watching a movie while laying in her chest. He must have fallen asleep, but why was he on the floor?

He blinked awake, seeing the lobby of the mansion. He was lying on the cold marble floor.

And Plagg was sitting in front of him, in his Kwami body, and eating some Camembert.

“Wakey wakey Sleeping Beauty!” He sang.

“Plagg!” Adrien shot up. “You’re you! And I’m—“ he held out his hands and looked at his fingers. “I’m me! Look! I have fingers! And toes!” As he stretched, he pulled the muscle in his shoulder and curled in. “Ow! What the heck is wrong with my shoulder?”

“Oh sorry, Lila stabbed you.”

“She what?! Oh my god do I need to go to the hospital?!”

“Eh, probably not. I’m not a healer like Tikki, but I can cauterize the wound at least. So you won’t get infected or bleed to death. Maybe see a doctor if it keeps hurting in a month.”

“Wow, great. Thanks,” he couldn’t help but laugh. “What did you do? Why did she stab you—me?”

“I don’t know. Mad about outing herself I guess. I scared her into thinking your body is possessed by an eldritch god. Which was true about an hour ago. And sorry, by the way, the transfer is always so much harder on you than me.”

“No apologies necessary, buddy! You’re a lifesaver!” He grabbed the little creature and pressed a dozen kisses to his bulbous head.

“Ew! Gross! Stop! Stop!” Plagg giggled. Then he shouted, “Alright! ENOUGH!” and tore away from Adrien. “Geez, smother me, why don’t ya?”

“Sorry, I just…you really fixed everything.”

“For the most part.” Plagg added. “Relationships take cultivation to reap the benefits from.”

“What, now you’re onto farm analogies?”

“FARM WISDOM!” Plagg sang. “But yes, essentially. You and Marinette have a great beginning. Just keep communicating, and encourage her to be honest and open with you. You and your father need some serious help. I’m glad he confessed about the whole Hawkmoth thing, but you both need to get some serious therapy. Once he comes back with your mom, I hope things will be better.”

“I know they will be. Mom was really good about making sure we communicated. And dad was a happier person when she was around.”

Plagg nodded, knowingly. “But you should still put in effort, as you have been doing. It won’t work if you just assume things are going to be better because your mom is back.”

“Oh, I see.”

“And finally, Lila. I’m pretty sure she’s out of the picture now. However, there will be more Lila’s in the future. You’re a celebrity, and there will always be people that will try to take advantage of you. You can be nice, but don’t put up with it.”

“Should I annoy them with my extensive knowledge of Skyrim?”

“Save that as a last resort.”

“Will you help me?”

Plagg screwed up his face as he went back to his wheel of cheese. “My help comes in two forms; vague analogies and full body possession.”

“Guess I’ll have to get better at understanding analogies, huh?”

The kwami smiled, then added. “But you don’t have to come just to me for help. You have a pretty extensive support network now. You can talk to Nino, Marinette, your parents…you’re not on your own anymore, kid.”

Adrien sat up a little straighter at that. “Wow…you’re right! I have so many people I can confide in now! This is great!”

“And just maybe…you should check in on Marinette? Once we transferred back, I woke up in her room and left without a word. She’s probably worried.”

“Noted! Plagg, claws out!”

“I just got out of your stinky body~!” He shouted as he was absorbed into the ring.

Adrien started running. He knew his end goal was the bakery, but for now, he was just excited to be in his own skin again. He could eat whatever he wanted! He didn’t need to stay cramped in a bag all day! He could shower!

And HE COULD KISS MARINETTE!

Why the hell was he wasting time!?

He turned about and rushed to the bakery, making a dizzying amount of leaps and turns. Then he collided with her balcony, his landings being a little rusty.

“Plagg?” Marinette asked, as she opened the door. “What’s going on? Why did Adrien leave so suddenly? Hey—you’ve got your normal suit on!”

In a pounce, he was on her, lifting her out of the window by the waist and up into his arms. “Oh My Lady…” He whispered.

“Adrien?”

He smashed his lips to hers, tired of waiting. Tired of holding back his affections. Tired of not physically being with her. He kissed her face, her cheeks, her chin, any swath of skin he could find. It wasn’t good kissing, by any means, but it was her, them, together.

“Adrien!” She giggled. “Calm down!”

“No!” Kiss. “I’m too—“ Kiss. “—Excited to—“ Kiss. “—Stop!”

She let him kiss her silly, until he was huffing and puffing.

“Are you good?”

“For a few minutes, I think.”

“Then can you put me down?” She chuckled. He was still holding her by the waist, and she was dangling through the skylight.

“Oh! I’m sorry, my love.” He let her down into her room, onto her bed, and then released his transformation.

“Blegh!” Plagg gagged. “I purposefully avoided kissing her while I was in your body, and you STILL made me experience it! Betrayal!”

“Oh calm down, Plagg. I’m sure it won’t be the last time.”

Plagg groaned anyway and zipped off to find Tikki.

“Would you like to come in?”

“Please!” He slid in through the window and tackled her down into the mattress, cuddling up to her chest. “It was nice laying on you when I was two inches tall, but this is way better.” He squeezed her waist and kissed her collarbone.

“So what happened? You and I were watching a movie, and then you just got up and left without a word!”

“That was Plagg! Last I knew, I was on your chest still. Apparently, he scared Lila right out of Paris and then made a mad dash for home. He made it to the lobby before he collapsed.”

“He scared her out of Paris?”

“That’s what he said.”

She raked her fingers through his hair, her nails scratching along his scalp. He immediately melted into her and started purring. “Ohhh yes, my lady. I could get used to this.”

“It was nice having you with me all the time, but I still missed you. It wasn’t the same talking to Plagg’s body. I love you, after all. All of you.”

“I love you too, My Lady.”

She stopped petting him for a minute. “You’re not going to keep wearing terrible outfits, are you?”

“God no.”

—

The next day, Adrien was brought to school by car. He wore a white shirt, black t-shirt, jeans, and his orange sneakers…and no sunglasses. Upon exiting the car, he spotted his friends talking.

“NINOOOOOOOO!!!” He shouted as he sprinted.

Nino only had seconds to brace himself before Adrien launched himself into his arms, wrapping his legs around his waist. “I missed you!”

“Dude you’re back!?”

“In the flesh!” He got down. “Thank you, by the way, for everything you did.”

“It was nothing! Anything for my dawg,” and he added with a whisper, “and little dude.”

Plagg peered out and gave him a wink.

Marinette spoke up. “Why don’t I get a morning greeting like that?”

He kissed her sweetly. “Next time I see you, I’ll leap on you like a majestic monkey.”

Alya squealed. “Is it official then?! I knew I saw you guys making goo-goo eyes at each other! But every time I mentioned it, Marinette said it was nothing!”

“Yes Alya, we’re officially dating now.” Marinette wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against his chest. In return, he rubbed her shoulders and leaned his head against hers. Now that she had gotten a taste of being close to him, she never wanted it to stop. Even if it was obnoxious to everyone around her, she was home.

“Hey, has Lila been talking to anybody since yesterday?” Alya winced. “I mean, that whole thing was totally bonkers. I just wanted to get some answers.”

“Yeah, no. She’s super gone. She stabbed me, so she left Paris.”

The collective paling of faces made him realize he left out some details.

“SHE WHAT!?”

“I got better.”

This is officially the end! Thank you for reading!!

#ml #miraculous ladybug #fanfiction #I'll handle this #ladybug #chat noir #marichat #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #adrien and plagg #adrienette

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peeterparkr · 4 years

Text

perfidy;tom holland|21

chapter 21: the film.

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

chapter summary: The puzzle, and not being able to pretend anymore

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: angst, fluffy angst, angst and more angst.

word count: 10.2 k

playlist(1: with song names)

playlist 2 (Spotify link)

Playlist: perf1Dy (one direction+solo songs)

social media before you read : Behind the scenes.

previous chapter Perennial-Prologue series masterlist

Hi :) thanks to @peachybloomss for being my beta reader.

Yes, this is the last chapter. No worries, Perennial is coming soon. (Next Friday!) But Here we go, anyways. Thanks for everyone who read this and for all the support. I hope you are as excited as I am for perennial, and well. Yes, I’m emotional you’ll be too. Cry with me.

Tom has cried with movies before. Most of us have. That unexplainable feeling that comes when watching their emotions, while rooting for the main character and seeing how it all tumbled down right before their eyes. You know, that cramp on your chest when the last hope dies, or that feeling when you don’t get a happy ending. But you know you couldn’t get one, and the bittersweet ending is the best you can hope for.

Yes, he’s cried with movies, not with movies like Titanic. No, no. Sure, it was sad. But not really the feeling they’d understand. He and y/n had talked about it, once, how neither of them had cried with that one. Even if they were so different, when it came to their emotions, they were very much alike.

And with movies, even if y/n could sometimes be one of those pretentious film students, if she enjoyed a movie, no matter how cinematically wrong it could be, she didn’t mind, she would cry. But Tom knew y/n was brilliant with emotions, she perfectly knew how to crush hearts with one sentence, with one idea for a scene. He’d seen her do it.

And that’s what led him there. Built-up scenes made to hurt him.

Tom had never felt this wrong. Like a dagger going through his chest. Dry mouth. Swollen lips. He’d swallowed his words. As if saying anything would rip off his throat.

He guessed it was his fault. Life paying off for crushing and loving his brother’s crush. It was a very complicated situation which he had yet to address with Harry. Yes, he had apologized. To his parents, to Harry, to Emma, well he had tried to, she hadn’t listened to him, and Emma’s parents. To Sam. Apologies for some sober thoughts that had accidentally transformed into drunken words.

He felt selfish, and he felt conflicted. If he’d done this to help Harry out, then why the hell did he feel so wrong?

But at least he had apologized. He had meant that apology. He was sorry, and he had said it.

Not to y/n, though. Not to y/n.

Did he have to? He probably did. Because he felt guilty because he knew that her words hadn’t been written in vain. She meant them.

He was too proud to admit that he missed her. That he’d gotten so used to waking up to her that now waking up alone made his stomach tie up in a knot. He had wanted to kiss her so badly his lips ached. He was too proud to admit that the nights were too long and that they arrived earlier, that the sun wasn’t coming out. Because he’d shown her his weakness and strengths. But it was just another story for her. A scene.

A movie he was crying with.

That’s the worst thing about heartbreak, the aftermath. Having to deal with the fact that she wasn’t there. Having to deal with the fact that no matter how angry, he still loved her. That’s the hard thing about heartbreaks. They hurt, but it’s harder to accept the fact that it probably won’t come back to what it used to be. The worst thing about heartbreak is that not even the pain can be able to take away your feelings; to think that he had the world and it vanished right in front of him, and think he had arrived at war with no weapons and she still had shot fire.

But he missed her.

And he felt it. And he was amazed by how well she knew the feeling. The heartbreak. A chest pain. An intermittent pressure in his chest. As if he couldn’t breathe. A void.

And it made him think. How she had gone through this kind of pain. How had she gotten up? How did she manage to get back around? How can you mend a broken heart? It’s impossible.

Because he remembered seeing her coming back slowly, and maybe it did make sense why when she was back on their family lunches and dinners, she’d have to excuse herself and her nose would be red when she came back. Or how she’d zone out. How she’d stay quiet, very very quiet.

Because words didn’t want to come out of his mouth. Because it had been a heartbreak caused by her. And caused by him. Now he regretted it. The damn morality speaking after drinking too much. And he shouldn’t have. He really shouldn’t have.

He’d heal. Not right now.

He couldn’t. He would, eventually. But not now. Or maybe he would if he saw her again. There was still that hopeful thought roaming around his mind. That they’d be able to work this out.

He wanted to.

He wanted to heal this, heal his sorrow. He wanted to live again, not like this. Not with this pain. How the hell had she done it? Live with the rain.

And maybe he wanted to forgive her. Because after all, she’d forgiven him.

But had she? If she’d done that, had she really forgiven him?

He needed answers.

God, not that, not even that. He just needed to see her, at least from afar. Or maybe he’d look out for her, kiss her one last time. Kiss her goodbye. Wake up from this nightmare.

He wanted this film to end already, he didn’t like it. He had cried with this one, even if he didn’t want to admit it out loud. Loving hurts.

This story was not the love story he thought he’d have with her. He needed another chance, even if they’d run out of them. What would he do if he never saw her again? What if they never had the chance to give explanations. Did she have one?

It wouldn't matter, she was home. And even if she’d hurt him, and even if he was bleeding, he knew he loved her, and he didn’t want to let her go.

And it seemed like fate had listened to his thoughts. He saw her car. And that old vintage car gave him hope, and it gave him memories, too. From their first breakfast together to when he believed it could lead somewhere. Loving can heal.

Was she in the same park as him? Was he looking for him? Maybe she was feeling the same. Maybe she too wanted to pause this for a little bit. He knew he did.

He was sitting down on a bench, Tessa running around, and back to him. He barely had any emotions and he wasn’t as cheerful to play with her. He felt numb. Yes, that’s it. Numb.

But he’d seen her car. She probably was nearby. Was she alone?

And what would he even say to her? Because he needed to apologize too. What kind of apology, he didn’t know, but he needed to apologize.

But he needed to see her, one last time. Even if it would hurt him, his last memory of her couldn’t be a picture of her on his phone. That’s not what he needed.

With pain, excitement, confusion and barely any hope of finding her, he started to look out. And he was expecting the worst. But he knew that she could mend his broken heart, and maybe it wouldn’t stop raining, but he’d enjoy it.

And maybe if someone had told him he’d regret it, he … probably wouldn’t, no, he would’ve searched for her anyway. Because maybe that was the only explanation he needed. As if he’d walked directly into a hurricane as if he was hit with a train.

He’d seen her, arms crossed as Harry was anxiously tapping his foot, avoiding her gaze. And maybe he should’ve run out right there, but he kept watching, because Tom was, beyond many things, stupidly stubborn.

She looked terrible, and that wasn’t normal of her. She looked grey, broken, weak. But she’d looked out for Harry, not for Tom. For Harry, maybe that was the explanation Tom needed. She wouldn’t look for him. And it hurt, because how many times had he not tried to call her these days, how many nights had he not craved the taste of her lips.

And she hadn’t looked up for him.

He couldn’t hear the conversation. He wasn’t close enough.

Harry was holding something, a bunch of papers. What was it?

They were angry, Tom could tell. Probably yelling at each other, their hands going up in the air, finger-pointing, fists, hands to the face. Harry stood back up, crossing his arms, Tom could tell his brother was angry, that his brother was exasperated. Holding his head, as y/n watched him and seemed stressed.

They were arguing.

But it seemed like a weird argument as if Harry didn’t want to hear what she was saying. Harry sat on the bench again as y/n moved her hands quickly, she didn’t know how to explain it.

And eventually, they both went quiet as they were both on the bench, Harry staring at the bunch of papers he was holding.

And then Harry was about to leave, and Tom saw y/n still had a lot to say so she followed after Harry.

But then, he saw it.

His world shattered.

Have you ever felt like the world is sinking? Have you ever felt the world spinning? And suddenly, he could hear every single noise. As if the city had suddenly decided to be loud, he heard car horns, children playing, couples arguing, alarms going off, every single noise getting louder as if someone was setting the fire, shooting. Too loud. The weather around him was getting so warm but he was only getting colder. His chest was shrinking, not leaving any more space for his heart, as it was pressed into a knot.

Tom was pretty sure he was about to faint.

Harry had his hands on her face and his lips on her. Harry had kissed y/n.

Harry was kissing y/n.

Harry and y/n kissed.

And he didn’t know how long it had been, but Tom felt like time had stopped for them and Tom, while the whole world was going too quickly. As if everything around kept going except for them.

Tom was sure he was hearing his heartbeat, a loud thud, his ears were buzzing.

He didn’t even notice he’d let go off Tessa’s leash, and he hadn’t even seen how Tessa had run to Harry, to interrupt the kiss. Harry’s hands had moved to her arms.

Y/N was terrified, she hadn’t moved, she had only frozen, didn’t even notice Tessa. Had she kissed him back? Tom hadn’t seen it. He couldn’t see anything. It was blurry.

She hadn’t kissed him again. And he hadn’t kissed her again. She was in shock, even… Shaking a bit. She didn’t even turn to see Tess.

Harry did, he turned to see Tessa, begging to be pet.she jumped to them.

Y/N shook her head, and turned back into reality, Tom could see she was breathing again. Both Harry and Y/N were in shock seeing the pup. It was going all in slow motion as if y/n and Harry both got the hint as they saw Tess. Y/N slowly looked up, and her eyes found Tom instantly, standing there. Weakly, he had just been shot and his knees were getting weaker by the minute, almost about to fall to the ground.

Y/N with Harry’s hands still on her arms tried to back away as she stared at Tom. She couldn’t map her emotions, that was clear.

Tom urged to rush, to leave. He couldn’t—get in their way.

He saw y/n opening her mouth to say something but he couldn��t hear about it. Everything kept going fast, and slow. Tom was going too slow.

But y/n walked out of Harry’s grip. Tom thought she would rush to him, she didn’t. She walked away from both of them, Harry stayed with Tessa.

Tom didn’t know how he managed to get back home, he didn’t know how he got there, he didn’t remember crossing any streets.

He had lost control, his heart was beating so fast, so loudly, it was going to burst out. He was barely breathing. He had to leave it all behind, that was the only answer he needed to any of the questions he’d asked in the darkness throughout these days and nights.

He probably shouldn’t have to live with it tomorrow, not with all this sorrow. Because that’s how it was supposed to be, right? Harry and her.

Though it hurt, he had to deal with it.

But had y/n kissed Harry back? Did y/n love Harry? Because y/n was an impossible case, and she probably didn’t even know it herself. That’s the problem with y/n, she never knows what she feels. She was never certain, she never did anything for the sake of doing it. She did it because she had a million reasons behind everything she did, she wasn’t spontaneous, she always loved to be premeditated. She always thinks about what she does, so that’s probably why she’d searched for Harry. Because she probably wanted to be with him. It had been her choice.

Tom got to his room, still blurry, he’d ignored Harrison, not because he wanted to but because he really couldn’t hear anything, his buzzing ears were not letting him. A headache was growing and he was slowly catching back his breath as he sat down on his bed. and when all his senses were coming back he saw an envelope.

The story had come alive. That was what he wanted, wasn’t it? Hadn’t he wanted all that his whole life? For his brother to be happy.

Then why the hell did he not want this? How selfish of Tom to be brokenhearted when he had no rights to. This was the way it was meant to be.

It would take him a few days, or months, or years even. He really didn’t want to see it. He needed to get used to the idea that Harry had kissed y/n. And he needed to get used to the idea of that. He knew he needed to get used to the idea that this was how it was supposed to be, the way it led there.

He saw his tv, paused on something. Maybe he had learned the wrong lesson. To fall into the shallow. But it didn’t make any sense. Harrison had told him she had been there before, had she been there to tell Tom how she was choosing Harry?

He shouldn’t have tried anything. Because his brother still loved y/n, if Harry had kissed y/n it had to mean that he still had feelings for him.

Nothing mattered, not even his heartbreak now. Because it hadn’t been Tom, y/n wasn’t supposed to love Tom. That’s a tragedy.

It’s clear they deserved each other, they were perfect together. Not Tom and y/n, no. That’s why throughout these years, they hadn’t worked out. Because they had always been at war, and they weren’t meant to be.

They deserved each other.

He stared at the envelope, ‘Tom’. That’s all it read. Her handwriting. He didn’t want to read it. A box, with his name.

The same box he’d seen in her room, the one box that he had wanted to open. But now he only wanted to throw it away.

How long had it been since their last kiss? It should’ve lasted longer, at least he would’ve made it worth it. It had been 16 hours, and three weeks, that’s how long it had been. But now it didn’t matter. Now he could be free knowing that she’d chosen him. Now he could ignore her, and now he didn’t need all the information she had from her.

He could stop pretending that he loved The Rolling Stones, and he could have dates that didn’t involve ‘a movie moment’, he could go out and have fun. He didn’t have to carry that stupid polaroid everywhere. He could go back to fancy restaurants, and not have to pretend he loved street hot dogs. And he could go back to not try and over analyse props on films, and he could go back to have it all simple. He didn’t have to remember the perfect pancake recipe, and he didn’t have to buy any more 80’s like clothes.

He didn’t have to pretend he cared anymore.

But he had to pretend he didn’t. Because he cared, and he did love all that stuff.

He looked up to his nightstand, yellow flowers and lavenders. And he thought about the ashes in his drawer.

He turned the TV off and opened the box. The first thing he saw was a bunch of papers. The script, printed. He picked it up and then opened his window, would he throw it all away? He gave it a second thought and then slammed it to the floor.

He sighed, took the flowers and then the script, he headed to the kitchen. He searched for a lighter and stared at the flowers and the papers, this probably was an inefficient way of accepting an apology. Maybe he was being cynical but he really didn’t want to see the flowers, and he knew that her apology wasn’t even real. He didn’t want to know what they meant.

He hated this. Because he shouldn’t be feeling this way, and though he wanted to be happy for his brother, Tom really wished it had been him. And he had believed it, that it would be them. And all he had to treasure now was New York.

And Rome. Rome.

Stupid to think that.

He wouldn’t do that again, because Tom was well aware of why he’d gone to Rome. Maybe he had been jealous, and selfish, and stupid. Yes, stupid. Because he had gone to Rome with a stupid excuse, a photoshoot. It wasn’t true. He had gone to search for her because she had been right, he couldn’t stand it, because he was arrogant and selfish and envious, and he loved her too much.

Rome had been a fairytale, even prettier than New York. So intimate, that’s probably when it should’ve started, it could’ve been prettier. Because somehow he had known that New York would be their downfall. In New York, they had touched their bodies, but in Rome, they had touched their souls. And they hadn’t even kissed. That’s how pretty it had been.

And it had all started as a dream.

Rome and New York were so different. New York was them trying to make up for all the times they could’ve kissed, and Rome felt like a summer breeze. And he still remembered that it was the time he knew he’d love her his whole life. With that pretty dress as she was holding her wine glass up, the sun hitting her face perfectly, with those red lips of her. Her laugh still echoed in his mind now and then.

A picture-perfect day. He knew that a polaroid of that day probably was hanging around her bedroom. In that alley, walls covered with plants build up until the roof with the chairs that never. A little restaurant, best pasta he’d ever had. The prettiest laugh he’d ever heard. But it had never been his.

He had been so selfish. Taking her away from Harry. And he wouldn’t do it again. No. Not again.

He needed to set it all on fire, the flowers and the script. He ignored Harrison again as he walked outside, ready to burn them. To erase the story, this was Tom burning their story. He didn’t want to read it ever again.

And he knew that it would leave a scar, and he knew that the ashes would stain, but they’d fade away with the wind. He’d had to wake up alone for a while. Did he have to do it now? Did he have to wait until he wasn’t as angry?

He sat in his garden, not ready to do it. He wasn’t ready to erase her. He didn’t want to.

But he picked up the first page, and he started to light it up in fire, seeing how it was dwindling.

“She didn’t kiss me back,” a voice said.

And Tom swore he had felt like a knife had been stabbed right on his back. He knew whose voice it was. He didn’t want to acknowledge he was there.

“Tom.”

Tom stayed quiet and then picked up the second page, but he didn’t light this one up. He saw Tess had approached him, she was back. And that only confirmed it.

“She loves you. You know?” Harry pushed again.

Tom pursed his lips, as he stared at the lighter. He kept quiet.

“Don’t burn it.”

Tom turned to his brother. How stupid it was they were fighting for a girl.

“And do you love her?” Tom asked.

Harry sat across him. “I don’t know.”

That was the answer he didn’t need to hear.

Tom looked up. He hadn’t really talked to Harry. They’ve said ‘sorry’, and then ignored each other. He knew his relationship with his brother was bruised forever. How would Harry forgive him? He probably wouldn’t. And could he forgive him for kissing y/n? But Harry didn’t have to apologize to him.

“I don’t know,” Harry repeated. “I thought….” He sighed. “All my life I thought it would feel different.”

Tom stayed quiet.

“Dunno why I did that,” Harry gulped her. “The worst thing that could happen to me was losing her and now I pushed her out.

Tom watched him.

“Now she’ll be a stranger, huh, we can’t fix this,” Harry gulped. “She gave this to me,” he said showing the same bunch of papers that Tom had received this morning. Harry took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

“What?”

“Kissing her. I guess I thought I would lose nothing. I knew I’d lost her already and I lost Emma.”

“You haven’t lost Emma.”

Harry smiled sadly. “She gave the ring back,” he shook his head. “I don’t blame her. I was still confused.” Harry scowled. “Well, I dunno. I guess Emma realized it, and I blame myself, I always did give it to Y/N. I know I always moved mountains for her, and I can’t blame Emma. And I can’t believe I made Emma feel less important, and I wouldn’t blame her. No, I can’t believe I let the love of my life go for something that I knew would never grow. And I didn’t… I didn’t do it for that, you know?”

Tom looked down at the script he was about to burn.

“But after years of loving someone knowing that at some point they loved you… It’s scary, and stupid and you hate timing, of course, I’d be confused. And It wasn’t like I wanted to be with her, you know? And I can’t believe I did that, because I want her to be happy, and I wanted you to be happy, hell we shouldn’t even have… I dunno, Tom.”

“I shouldn’t have dated her,” Tom said.

“No, that’s where you’re fucking wrong, Tom, when you love someone you do something about it,” Harry said. “You don’t--You don’t have to wait, look at the mess that comes when you don’t say what you really mean.”

“How do you really feel about her?” Tom asked.

“I don’t know. I guess I always wondered how she felt about me. She always felt guilty, I know that, I could see it, how any time I tried to make a move, she’d feel guilty. Just like she did today as if she felt bad that she can’t reciprocate. I think she forced herself back before Rome, as if she was trying to accept it, it didn’t feel… natural. Not even for me, even today, when I kissed her it felt… Weird.”

Tom frowned.

“And we’ve made a mess, and… I don’t know.”

“How did it feel weird?” asked Tom.

Harry was sad, Tom could tell his brother was probably trying to hide away the fact that he probably was broken-hearted too. Somehow, he felt that his brother was lying. Tom knew his brother, and Tom knew that Harry didn’t mean what he was saying.

“It was gross,” Harry said after a while, probably trying to word it outright. Because he had seen Harry’s stress fade away when his lips had landed on y/n’s. Harry hid his hands in his pockets.

“What?” Tom frowned.

“I kissed her and it was gross,” Harry snapped, clenched his jaw. He fidgeted with his hand. “She didn’t kiss back and I have no…. Feelings for her. I know that. And she doesn’t love me.”

Harry was lying. Clearly.

Tom watched him and pointed at the script. “Read that.”

Harry shrugged. “I only read the ending,” He explained. “And judging by your reaction it’s exactly what you didn’t read.”

Tom crossed his arms. “She wanted it to be you.”

Harry shook his head. “But it isn’t.”

“And do you want to be?” Tom asked.

Harry shook his head looking down. “I know she wants it to be you,” He explained.

“But do you still love her?”

“I think I’m never going to stop loving her, really,” Harry said. “It’s been years for me, don’t know how long it’s been for you, but feelings never really fade away. They transform. I think… I don’t know, I’ve made a fool out of myself for her and I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to go. I don’t know. I’ve spent my whole life crushing on her eyes, and her smile, memorizing every single thing about her, her favorite songs, her favorite films. Knowing how to make her laugh, and knowing who made her cry. If she likes silver earrings or gold ones, it depends on her dress. The way that she drinks coffee in the morning and tea in the afternoon, two cups if it’s raining. I know which song I can play to make her dance and I know that she is so stubborn, that even if she won’t like an ice cream, she’ll try it anyway the very next day.” Harry nodded slowly, to himself. “I know that she still sleeps with that plush frog and if she travels or forgets it, she’ll end up hugging a pillow.”

Tom didn’t know what to say. His brother knew y/n, perfectly. And he was right, he’d seen y/n lookout for a pillow in her sleep to hug, a small pillow even if she was holding Tom, she’d always unconsciously search for a small pillow.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about her, Tom,” Harry gulped. “How many poems she’s written about you, and how many times she’s cancelled plans for you. I know why she didn’t show up to the premiere that one time. I know her first kiss wasn’t that Nicholas guy, and I know she always ends up buying the same shade of red lipstick every now in a while, and that she always ends up boxing them.” Harry bit his lip. “I know that her most sincere smile came the day you took her to prom, and I know that she really did love you and she’ll keep choosing you.”

Tom looked away.

“Do I love her? I don’t know. But if you’re asking if the kiss could lead to anything more, no, it wouldn’t from me and it wouldn’t from her. Because we both know she’ll end up choosing you.”

Harry walked away Leaving Tom confused. This wasn’t his brother’s fault. Maybe y/n’s. Probably y/n’s.

“But yes,” Harry sighed. “I still love her, always will.”

“You fucking lied you know?” Tom said. “To me, to y/n, to Emma. Especially to Emma. You still love y/n. “

Harry stopped as if he was going to turn and say something, he didn’t, he kept walking.

Tom didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t want to know it, he was not going to do anything. What was there to do?

But she hadn’t kissed Harry back. Tom watched Harry leave, and then stared at the script. He didn’t want to think about it. Had Harry given him his blessing? And did he even want it? Did he want to go back to that place with y/n?

He didn’t want to read the script, though. Not even if the ending changed everything. He really didn’t want to go there, not right now at least.

He needed time. So he’d take even more days. She didn’t reach out for him. He didn’t reach out for her.

Both of them were quiet. Very, very quiet. He didn’t know if it hurt him more that she hadn’t told him anything about it. Or if he understood it, did she have to tell him anything?

Maybe she didn’t want to.

Because Harry had spoken for himself, but Harry didn’t know if nothing had been awakened on y/n. Maybe y/n had had her own explanation.

Tom had his, though. Maybe Harry hadn’t done much because he knew y/n was in love with Tom. But Harry didn’t know how y/n had wanted it to be y/n.

Y/N eventually called him.

He didn’t answer.

And she called again.

He didn’t answer.

And again.

Maybe she gave up.

But she left a voicemail. Tom didn’t listen to it. Because why the hell should he?

He had let the flowers die. He hadn’t burned them. He had ignored it. A dvd, a box and an envelope.

And he had purposefully avoided them, because he still had something to look up for. It wasn’t a memory, it was something he could still look forward to. But he was curious. Very, very curious. Why had y/n bothered to bring her box to him.

And it bothered him. He had asked Haz when she’d brought it. And it made sense that she had closed the door to Tom. But what the hell was on it?

He couldn’t help himself, he opened it, but then he closed it again. He was furious, defeated.

He opened it again. And it hurt, opening it. Polaroids, from their dates in New York, from Rome, and the first polaroid from two months ago, with Tom smiling as he was eating a pancake, another one from the time Tom asked her out, lipsticks,a beer bottle from that lunch with their parents, a napkin that had ‘NY hot dogs’ written on it, the plane ticket from their first date, a baseball she’d bought after that other one, a dried out yellow flower, pebbles, more pictures,, a drawing, movie tickets, a spiderman toy, a broken teacup from that time they were kids and Tom had accidentally stepped on it, an xbox broken controller, he remembered it, perfectly the controller that had stopped working right after their first kiss.

A lego piece, a Barbie-- he remembered that one, he’d cut her hair and y/n had cried. And many, many more things that were only tokens… For what?

Tokens of their… relationship. As he was taking out each and every object he was reminded of every single thing. As if every time he touched an object, a memory flooded his brain. The yellow flowered dress she’d worn to Harry's party was the one that hurt the most. A wine bottle, a beer cap . Lipsticks, many lipsticks. An old lighter. The Sour Patch empty bag from that same night at the hotdogs….

Maybe Tom was wrong, maybe their story wasn’t New York and maybe their story wasn’t only Rome. For how long had she built this?

He kept going through it, toys from their childhood, a package of cigarettes, a hair comb and…

A pregnancy test?

A pregnancy test.

A pregnancy test!

Tom suddenly felt cold as he saw it laying down on that corner of the box, waiting for it to be seen. He didn’t want to see it. Was she pregnant?

Was this… Was he going to be a dad? He had to take care of her, and the baby. Was this her way of telling him? And how would it work? Did they have to make it work? What the hell was he going to do?

But it couldn’t be.

No, but it could.

“Fuck.”

It didn’t make any sense. But it could make sense. They hadn’t really stopped… New York had been fun. But had it been?

But fuck, this couldn’t… It could be. But why hadn’t she told him before? How the hell… When had she found out? He had been an idiot for waiting so long. Maybe he should call her. What was he even going to tell her? He was sweating cold. He would take care of them, but fuck, how complicated would it be? And poor baby, the whole story their parents had. Fuck, this was going to be difficult.

He blinked as he slowly reached out for it. He felt it. That fear. But… a baby could solve their problems, but what king of bloody thinning was that?

And he finally reached for it, snatching it quickly and bringing it up to his sight.

One lined. It was negative.

And Tom felt a relief. Not because he didn’t want to be a father, but because his relationship with her was too complicated and adding a baby would ruin everything, or would it? Was he really thinking about that?

He couldn’t have a baby, for god’s sake. No, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t, though. He didn’t have to worry about that.

He laughed, slightly. He knew y/n, she probably had done this exactly to get that reaction. But it hurt, to think she was giving all of this back. Because that meant she didn’t want to have them anymore.

He looked up for the DVD next. He decided to play it.

It felt weird.

“Hello! This is y/n!” An old video started. With barely any resolution, as a young, probably 4 year old y/n was speaking to the camera, her face too close, and her lips purple stained.

Tom sat on his bed, staring at the video in front of him.

She lifted up the almost finished purple popsicle, and pointed behind her. “There’s Tom, ugly Tom,” she said as she moved to her hand to angle just slightly right to show Tom sucking on a blue popsicle. “There’s—Jamesy!” She said as she pointed the camera to her brother, too busy away kicking a football. “He’s playing! And I’m here—So I stole my mum’s new—campera—camra, camera, and we’re gonna—“

“Bloooooooooooop!” Tom has snatched the camera from her as he recorded his face just as he ran away.

“Tooom, no, give it back, it’s mine!” Y/N could be seen running after him.

“It’s not, it’s not!” Tom laughed. “Too slow, y/n!”

Y/N was already tearing up. “Tom!”

“It’s mine!” Tom laughed.

“Tom give it back!” She continued, and the young innocent voice faded away and grew into a deeper voice.

“Tom give it back—“an older y/n appeared on the screen now, from a few weeks ago. Back in New York, on set, as Tom was running away with her phone. “give me my phone back.”

This had been just weeks before, when her smile still made him smile. When he wasn’t a fool.

“No,” he lifted the phone out of her reach. The sight of Tom watching her, as she walked over.

“Thomas,” she laughed. “Can you give it back?”

“What for? you were already recording my pretty face, I’m only helping you!” He laughed as he scrunched his nose to the camera. “I don’t even know what kind of vid you want here, so I’ll just—“

“Baby!” She complained as she tried to reach for it.

He smirked as he turned to her. “Baby? Oh, so I’m baby now,” he grinned. “You’ve never called me baby.”

She blushed, instantly. “Give it back, dumbass.”

“That sounds more like you.”

“Can I have my phone back?” She asked, Tom grinned as he walked to her.

“Yeah,” he smirked. “I’ll only just—“he pointed the camera at her face, she tried to snatch it away. “Can you wait? A second?”

She laughed and crossed her arms. Tom only pointed the camera at them before placing a long kiss to her lips.

“oh—shit, oh shit, shit, shit, y/n and Tom are kissing. Fucking hell!” A voice said over their kiss, before switching to the video it belonged to.

The prom kiss, a Snapchat video from someone who had been coincidentally recording the part. Y/N and Tom in a little corner as they kept kissing.

“It’s y/n and Tom, right? Yessss bloody hell!” “Bloody hell!” “Tom—and y/n—“

“Tom and y/n!” The voice said as it turned yet into a different video. “They’re dancing—“ Elaine’s voice was speaking now.

“They’re adorable,” Nikki's voice said on camera.

“They’re not fighting!”

It had been at that wedding, when y/n looked adorable with that pink dress.

Tom remembered that night. It was the night he finally admitted it out loud to himself. “I like y/n.” Shortly after the first yellow flowers.

And they were dancing. Children being silly, holding hands but throwing them up in the air.

“But they’re dancing!” Elaine commented again.

And as Tom twirled y/n, another video appeared. A most recent one, too. When they had been sillying around at Tom’s dance rehearsal. After their Dirty Dancing moment.

“Okay, y/n,” the choreographer said. “Come here, Tom, pretend she’s Maddie.”

“Why would I do that?” Tom laughed, as he brought her close to him. “And how would I? Y/N here is a terrible dancer.”

She chuckled. “Shut up!”

“Unless she’s drunk,” Tom pointed out.

Tom kept watching the video, videos of them transitioning from children, to teenage years, to Rome, to New York, to everything. As if the videos proved how they hadn’t changed, just transformed.

Feelings never fade away.

Tom wasn’t even watching it. What was the point of that? Why did he… feel like this? He finally opened the envelope. A few pages. At first, Tom thought it was a script. It wasn’t. It was… a letter.

Dear Tom, Hello, To you,

Tom.

Yes, I’m sticking with that one. Sorry if I scratch things. Sorry for the bad orthography, grammar or the unfinished thoughts. No, that’s not the thing I should be apologizing for, but it’s a beginning. I’m writing this from my heart and I am trying to write this as sincerely as possible. It’s what you deserve. I initially wanted to think all of this through but I realized that if I let the pen flow, I’ll get to say everything I want to say. I also thought I would try and tell all of this in person but I’m afraid you won’t listen to everything I want to say. This is easier.

You know me. I always have second thoughts and I never do anything that isn’t premeditated. This was the most spontaneous thing I could do, I just picked up the first paper I saw, so yes, it’s stained with coffee.

How does one even begin to write a letter? This is not the kind of stuff I like doing. I’m not good at this. Hell, I don’t know if you’ll even read this. I don’t know if you watched it. That DVD. Hope you did. I really hope you’re watching it.

Though it might be stupid and cheesy and probably not really the romantic gesture you’d expect from me, I have no choice. Because I’m really trying to prove a point here.

I initially thought I would write a script, you know, write a story to make you understand my point of view, but now I barely want to, a script ruined the best thing I ever had. But I guess, it also started it.

I wish I’d told you sooner and I really wish it hadn’t started that way, but it made it start.

You see, that script is the biggest con I’ve ever tricked myself into, making myself believe I would be doing it for a stupid script, when in reality, I guess it’s all I wanted, for you to fall in love with me. I shielded myself saying I would break your heart, I shielded myself saying it was only for the sake of my job. When it really wasn’t. It was me trying to give it another chance. I blew it all up.

And yes. I did write I wanted to break your heart. I don’t even know why. Why did I have to break what I love so much?

Want to know a secret? I never knew how I would do that. My “plan” went as far as to make you fall in love with me, no further shenanigans, because, really, that’s all I really wanted. I didn’t know how I’d break your heart. I didn’t have any plans because I knew I really didn’t want to. I only wanted you to love me.

Hope you did.

Hope you didn’t, too. Because if you didn’t, then I will at least pretend I didn’t hurt you as much.

I know I did. And it’s fucked up, very fucked up.

I’ve been struggling to find the right words to tell you. I know sorry won’t cut it. It’s not enough.

And since I know you don’t read until the end, I am really doubting if I’ll give this to you. It’s not on you, I wouldn’t have read it. Maybe I’m just writing for myself, probably. But it helps. I’ve never been good with words, which is ironic, I’m a screenwriter, or I pretended to be one, I guess. You know me, I’m more about moments. I’m more about little details.

I did send you the script, though. It’s in that box. It’s yours. Keep it. Burn it. Rip it off. Do whatever you want with it. I don’t blame you.

It’s yours.

But it’s there. With a lot of other things. Things that finally explained something I haven’t understood for a while. Until now.

I think that among these years, I’ve found myself in a predicament. You’ve seen it. You’ve heard it. And I’m pretty sure you’ve said it.

I don’t love who I’m supposed to love.

That’s the reason behind it right? I’d like to think so.

That’s what they said, right? I don’t love who I’m supposed to. Not the perfect guy, not the guy who’s been there all along.

And everyone said it, you should date him, that guy it’s your endgame. But I didn’t—feel it.

Maybe for a bit, I did. But I ended up coming back to you.

I didn’t love who I was supposed to love. And that’s what the script said, too. I don’t love the guy who has danced with me under the rain, or the guy who’s taken the best picture of me under the rain too.

No. I love the guy who’s probably the worst thing that could ever happen to me, and who’ll probably be away most of the time. I love the guy who was the storm.

But I still love him. So dearly. And so much. And I miss him. I really miss you.

And I’m sorry.

Really sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am. I can’t believe I fucked up that much.

I am the monster. Not you. I fucked up. And I can’t blame you if you don’t ever want to see me again, I understand it. And I won’t blame you if you burn this. I can’t blame you, I’d probably do the same.

But I’m sorry.

I can’t believe I did this to you, the love of my life.

But it all comes to that. Doesn’t it?

I don’t love who I’m supposed to love.

Except, Tom. I do. That’s what we’ve both got wrong. I do love who I’m supposed to love.

Searching through our memories, I wanted to build up the puzzle, understand every situation that’s led us to where we are now. To two very broken hearts. To lost battles. To understand why I loved someone who has crushed my heart into tiny little pieces, throw it into the ground and then step on it.

You read it, how I described you. How I described what I was doing. How I said you were a monster. How you hurt me. How you were only my…

Perfidy.

1: the quality or state of being faithless or disloyal: TREACHERY.

2: an act or an instance of disloyalty

3: deceitfulness; untrustworthiness.

It’s a war concept, it was used to refer to someone who won someone’s trust only to betray them. Must like us.

We don’t make sense, do we?

I tried to understand a lot about us, and I think I’ve found the answer. It’s complicated, bare with me, and please, this time, keep reading. I can’t afford losing you to another unfinished story. I already lost you, I know.

I know where we went wrong.

We thought of each other as a war, a game, a prank, an apology. And we didn’t have to, that’s where we went wrong. I guess we really were blinded by the idea of a sworn enemy that we walked in thinking this was a war and waiting for the other one to shoot first, when nobody should’ve shot.

All is fair in love and war. But don’t get those two mixed up, because then, it’ll be all unfair.

That’s our problem, you even said it, a war song reminded you of me, I used to describe you with a war concept.

We thought this was war Tom. And it shouldn’t have been. It didn’t feel like one.

And I don’t even know what to tell you now. This wasn’t a war zone. We were wrong. We didn’t have to be careful, we didn’t have to. And I shouldn’t have pulled the perfect perfidy.

But after years of battles, did we expect not to?

The fact that you love me, if you do, and I really hope you do, doesn't change the fact that you hurt me. I think that’s the best thing we can do for now, accept the fact that we’ve both hurt each other so much.

I did write you were a monster. And yes, most things in the script are true. I guess I have to acknowledge it. I own it, I wrote it.

Yes. I love you.

But I can’t pretend I didn’t cry for months, I can’t pretend that night at the club I felt like the whole world tumbled upon me. Because it did. And you know it. I can’t pretend I wasn’t diagnosed with a broken heart and I can’t pretend that I really started this thinking you’ll do it again.

I can’t pretend I was alright, and that your name didn’t feel like a dagger for a while.

It would be stupid for me if I said you never hurt me. And I know, I know, I fucked up this time. This time was on me, but Tom, really. How many times did I not cry for you?

How many times did I not trash my room because it had you all over the place? I can’t pretend that didn’t happen.

Yes, the script narrated that. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen.

But I also can’t pretend that I won’t come back to you. I can't pretend I don’t love you. Because I do, and I loved every single kiss. I can’t pretend all those good times didn’t happen.

And yet, even after every battle. I come back to you. Because I am supposed to love you.

And I tried to build it up. And you know what? It makes sense.

I don’t know if you’ve seen the DVD, in my stupid mind, because you know me, everything is for the story, the aesthetic, but in my mind the DVD is playing right as you read this, in the background. Maybe you look up a little, smile at something and turn back. You probably aren’t. You probably won’t.

He was, actually. The video stayed in the background. He looked up to see it,

“So we’re here at y/n’s 18th birthday party. She’s currently sober. As your biggest enemy y/n I need to have on record on how you’ll get wasted.”

“Shut up dumbass.”

“You shut up idiot!”Tom said.

“Shut up!” Another Tom appeared on camera, turning to a different video, of her dorm room in Rome, Tom was by the window.

“No no, sing again I want to hear you sing,” y/n said behind the camera. She approached him, and opened the window.

“I’m not going to sing,” Tom warned again.

“Come on, everyone in Rome wants to listen to you,” she laughed as she stuck her phone out from the window, recording the beautiful afternoon in the italian city.

“No.”

“Ah, come on, maybe go downstairs and serenade me,” she suggested.

We haven’t changed Tom. Or maybe we have, for the better. But I hope you see it, I am supposed to love you.

And I know you probably want me to go fuck myself, I get it. Maybe this letter will be burned.

I’d do it.

Like those yellow flowers you gave me. I shouldn’t have burnt all of them. Should’ve kept one.

But that DVD, it shows it. You are the guy I was supposed to fall in love with, we’ve built it upon our whole lives. Or maybe we were destined to tumble down. You choose.

I really like to think we are both so stupid that we are meant to be. Maybe that’s toxic.

Probably, yes.

But we have to change it, don’t we? Maybe not.

But we did change it. It just took me a few minutes to realize we transformed all the bad things into good things.

And hell, they were very nice, while it lasted, weren’t they?

We’re the same stupid kids, Tom.

Either we’ve hated each other our whole lives and we fucked up by falling in love. Or we were madly in love and fucked up by hating each other.

Either way, we fucked up.

I also gave you a box, yes that same box you saw in my bedroom, it has your name and it’s scratched and ripped, a little. You don’t know how many times I’ve had to hide that box. And I’ve kicked it and I’ve repaired it.

Inside you will find more of the puzzle I solved. Polaroids, picture-perfect memories, an empty box of pasta, lipsticks, a beer cap, that yellow-flowered dress I wore that day. Everything that’s led us here. Memories that I used to either remind myself that you were stupid, or that I was stupidly in love with you.

I hope you remember most of the stories. I know I do. They’ve built us up to who we were. Like that broken teacup, that teacup was around the time I was about 5, maybe 6. It was kind of the first time you made me cry, ugly cry.

There’s that Xbox controller that stopped working before our first kiss. Do you remember it? That’s why you were the only one playing.

It’s weird now that I think about it. And stupid, how I’ve been in love with the guy who gave me my first kiss for my whole life. Sounds pathetic out of context. Maybe even more with context.

Don’t know if you found the pregnancy test. If not, there’s one in there. Yes, I was scared, it was a few days ago, I was so bloody scared, a baby? Having a baby? At first, I thought, it doesn’t make any sense but it would, considering our… routine in New York. But it was negative. Hurray, I guess.

And yes, a dried out yellow flower. No, you didn’t give me that one. You know it, I’ve never kept any yellow flowers you’ve given me, ones I threw them away, the second ones I gave them back and we know what happened to the third one. So no, you didn’t give me the yellow flower on that box. That one. It’s got a story. After Rome, yes. I once stared at that box, and I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love with you. I broke my promise. I never fell out of love.

And I remember one day, I was with Timothée, actually. We were on a date, and I remember the day was so bright, the sun was shining again. After all those grey storms, the sun had come out again. I was smiling, I was laughing again.

Don’t know if I’ll ever be able to again. I’m sure of this, I’m never going to New York again.

But I was with Timmy that day, we were in that café I used to go with him, outside. I had noticed from the early beginning of the date that we were sitting by near a kid with a spiderman t-shirt. I didn’t really think of you at that time, I kept on with my date. I did… feel something, maybe a little jump inside of me. I remember I ignored it.

Because... I was so happy, genuinely happy. I thought I had come out of the tunnel. Didn’t want to ruin it. And I remember as I saw the vase on our table, full of yellow flowers. I cried instantly. Couldn’t explain it to Timmy at the time, but I did take it out and kept it.

Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? The power the flowers have. I cried while I got the ones I sent you.

I guess that’s why I used that yellow-flowered dress. I don’t know. I was trying to tell you I wanted to turn it into something beautiful.

You know, Tom. Whenever I used to think of you initially I thought into frogs, yellow flowers and my hair being pulled. Broken tea cups, and stupid games that would get me full of dirt.

Then it changed, to a first kiss, dancing to an 80’s song and late night with videogames.

Then again it was prom night, with that pink dress I used, the first lipstick I had to box in here because I didn’t want to wear it anymore because you had kissed my lips while I was wearing it, and you guessed it, yellow flowers.

For a while, it was a mix of all of that, you bothering me, a kiss, unusable lipsticks, yellow flowers, dancing, frogs. Endless discussions, broken bones. Stupid, silly things.

For a while to think of you, it meant pain, yellow flowers, a nightclub and Rome.

I thought that would never change anymore.

But look at me now, whenever I think of you I think of pancakes, yes my favorite food, Of an elevator, dirty dancing, again an 80’s song, and laughing, and kissing, and other stuffing.

Sometimes what you expect never comes, but it’s the unexpected that changes your life. All I knew the day after we said you loved me was that I needed to be there forever. And I already know your worst, but hell, I wish I can still learn your best. You feel like home, Tom. You feel like it’s raining outside, and you feel like a crowded buzzing city, with people rushing, but you feel like coming back home to a warm pair of arms.

And I really hate that you had to see my worst when I should’ve given you my very best.

And now I won’t have that box, and I’ll give back every polaroid because I don't want them haunting them, and because I don’t need anything to remind me that I fucked up, because I know I won’t have you anymore.

How am I supposed to deal with this?

I don’t know if I can live with this, knowing you’ve touched and kissed spots the sun has yet to see, and it probably won’t ever see them. You’re a fast learner, you know? You knew every single beauty spot, even the ones I didn't know I had, you’ve learned them. The most sensible and subtle touch, the sensitive cardinal points. Underneath our clothes, under the sheets, you learned my story how am I supposed to live with this? Knowing that my body will now remind me of you? How stupid does that sound? You know it now Tom. I’ll never go to war again, I’ll never shoot again. I promise.

If it’s not clear yet...

It’s you. It’s always been you. No matter how cheesy it sounds, it’s you and I don’t want to hide it. Because you own it, you know? the place where my thoughts hide. My thoughts, my heart, fuck, even my body now. It should’ve been an endless story, and maybe it is. And now I know I’ll keep seeing you everywhere, because I’ll be able to smell your skin in some of my clothes. And I know I’ll see your shadow in the moonlight, and I know I won’t be able to sleep now that I can’t hear your heartbeat next to mine.

And I won’t pretend I’m alright this time. I don’t think I’ll be able to.

And I’m sorry, and I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I shouldn’t have. I should’ve explained it to you sooner. But right now, I doubt there’s anything I can say now. I think all apologies are worn out. We’ve been good at apologies. But we are gone, aren’t we?

And though I still want to fight for this, I still would go to war for you, I don’t want to stay in a narrative that includes hurting. I don’t want to stay in a narrative where I’m fighting for an ending that won’t be read. I’m choosing to stay away, maybe we’ll write a different ending next time, not right now, because I can’t afford living knowing I ruined the amazing relationship the love of my life and my best friend have. And though I know I’m losing you both, I’d rather stick with more good memories than bad ones.

I don’t even know what I wrote here, I don't know if it’s too much or maybe it’s not enough, I just wrote for the first time something spontaneous.

I don’t want to promise I’ll stay away, I’m not good at keeping promises. I just want you to know that I really liked our film, I’m just going to pretend it never ended. In my mind, we will be infinite, everlasting. And maybe in another story, in another script, I’ll find a way to make you stay this time, and we will find a way to get out of the warzone.

With love,

y/n.

Tom finished the letter as he hunched his shoulders, the DVD had kept on playing and he looked up just to get the last stone to hit him.

“The princess?” A younger y/n asked, to yet another video, this one seemed different. Not recorded by their parents. “Alright, so the princess is going to…save the prince!” Y/n explained to Tom. “Because she is in love with him!”

“Why does it have to be a princess?” Tom frowned. “Why not be a superhero! Besides, it should be me who saves the damsel!” Tom pushed.

“This is my movie, Thomas,” y/n complained. She was wearing her yellow princess dress.

“This is my movie, Thomas,” he mimicked. He groaned. “Why can’t I be the dragon? Why does Sam get to be the dragon?”

“Because you’re the prince!” Y/n said with a bright smile.

He took the script off her hands. “What does it even say?” He asked as he read it. “This is stupid!”

“No, it’s not!”

Tom frowned. “Why would we kiss?” He wrinkled his nose as he stuck his tongue out.

“Because we like each other.”

And then it faded out. It had all been so quickly. And Tom had to think about it. If they loved each other. Why the hell wouldn't they kiss? Why the hell couldn’t they be together? It didn’t take him more than two minutes to stand up and decidedly go and look out for her. He had made one quick stop, but then he had rushed to her building. He had used the stairs, the elevator had taken too long. He couldn’t wait to see her.

And when it hadn’t been her, the one who had opened the door, Tom didn’t know how he was feeling.

“Oh, another one with flowers, great,” The girl said, she had a clearly not british accent. She looked very similar to y/n though.

“What?” Tom asked. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Yes, first one brought peonies, second one daisies and you… what are these?”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” Tom gulped. “I’m… Where’s y/n?”

“Seems like we have… Chamomile, primroses, evening primroses that is, and… Heleniums,” The girl pointed out as he stared at the flowers Tom was holding. “Huh, what’s up with y/n having three hot guys bringing her flowers, girl is lucky.”

“Who--who are you?”

“I’m y/n’s cousin, Cherry, nice to meet you, Tom I presume.”

Tom blinked, in shock. “Where’s y/n?”

“She’s gone now, buddy. Left London this morning.”

The end?

previous chapter Perennial-Prologue series masterlist

wanna be tagged on the sequel? I’ll keep this taglist. If you don’t want to be tagged pls tell me:)

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deerixiie · 4 years

Text

haikyuu flower shop oneshots ~ tsukishima (affection)

description: a tsukishima x fem!reader oneshot where you try to complain to your unaffectionate boyfriend but end up saying something you regret (part of the haikyuu x reader flower shop oneshots series)

warnings: none!

genre: fluff, humor, angst but not really

word count: 1,343

a/n: this is long, but it’s one of my favorites. also, thank you for 100 followers! i’m thinking of something for you guys dw

Some people cried when they reached their breaking point. Some screamed. Some gave up.

Others snuck into the storage closet during their shift at work and whined to their boyfriend.

Oh wait, that was just you.

“Today has sucked, babe,” you said as soon as he picked up. (He answered on the first ring, so romantic of him.)

“And here I thought you had died or something.” Tsukki’s voice was flat, even over the phone. “You’re in the middle of a shift, Y/N.”

“I’m hiding in the storage closet,” you retorted. “It’s the middle of January, so the flower shop isn’t getting any customers. But that’s not the po-”

“If you get fired, don’t come whining to me,” Tsukki scoffed.

You huffed at your boyfriend. You’ve been dating Tsukki for almost three months, though you had to admit you wondered why he was even with you; or why you were with him. While you were clingy, emotional, and touch-starved, Tsukki was aloof, salty, and independent.

Long story short, random calls in the middle of a shift to rant to him weren’t really his thing.

But you really were having a terrible day. The flower shop’s heating and cooling system was messed up, so it was freezing cold. Plus, your manager was turning down all of your suggestions for the flower shop and favoring your coworkers instead. You admit, it was a petty thing to risk everything and complain about.

(You also admit that you might’ve been doing it to hear his soft, dark voice, but Tsukki didn’t have to know that, did he?)

“I just wanna go home,” you sighed. “Can we cuddle tonight?”

“Stop whining, and I’ll consider it.”

“I’m not whining!”

“You’re so immature.”

“Am not!”

“I’m not even going to respond to that.”

You scowled. “Kei, can you pretend you care about me for one second?”

And another thing—when you weren’t being clingy, emotional, or touch-starved, you were saying things you regretted.

But in this case, you didn’t regret it—yet.

“What?” Tsukki snapped. “That’s ridiculous.”

“I just wanted to hear yo-to have someone to rant to,” you corrected yourself smoothly, and Tsukki was too confused to notice. “I wanted comfort from my boyfriend.”

“Well at least—you know what, never mind.” You heard him sigh. “Sorry. What do you need me to do?”

Tsukki’s apology was what sent the inevitable regret. It was as if someone flipped a switch, and the regret that was bound to come from your words earlier crashed down onto your heart like a pile of bricks.

“No,” you sighed. “I’m being whiny and stupid. I’ll let you get back to your work, Kei. See you at home.”

You hung up before Tsukki could manage any type of response and throw your phone onto a shelf.

“Can you pretend you care about me for one second?”

Why the heck did I say that? you wondered in frustration. Am I really in such a crappy mood?

You were too wound up in your thoughts to realize that you tossed your phone at a rather precariously—stack of flower pots. They crashed to the ground loudly, making you jump.

Unfortunately, your manager was standing right in front of the storage closet.

You somehow managed to not get fired, but you did put him in an even worse mood, which meant everyone was in a bad mood—and it was your fault.

You dragged your feet as you finally left the flower shop once your shift ended. In one day, you had managed to piss off your boyfriend, your boss, and your coworkers.

Oddly, you were more worried about the fact that you had pisssed off Tsukki.

You pushed open the door, already thinking about what you would say to him that night, when you looked up.

And stopped in your tracks.

A car was parked right outside the door. Tsukki’s car.

Tsukki was supposed to be at work until 7.

The driver's window slowly rolled down, revealing no other than your boyfriend staring at you blankly. “Get in.”

His words kicked you out of the shocked daze you were in. “I thought your shift didn’t end until-”

“I left early. Get in.”

You rushed into the passenger side before he could change his mind. To say you were shocked was an understatement. Tsukki didn’t pick you up from work unless his shift ended early—he never left early.

You stared out the window, squirming in the uncomfortable silence that filled the car. You wanted to apologize, but you thought you would have more time to prepare. How would you even start?

A warm hand slowly slipped into your own. You jumped and turned around, shock ripping through you once you realized what happened.

Tsukki’s free hand was entangled in your own. Tsukki himself wasn’t looking, his eyes set on the road and his mouth set in a firm line.

Was that a brush of pink on his cheeks?

You swallowed your words of shock—you learned from previous experiences that he’d just take his hand away and deny everything—and smiled to yourself.

Tsukki was holding your hand. Without you telling him to.

The stress of the day was beginning to wear off, and even though a small voice in your head was nagging at you, you were content with just staying quiet.

Not for long, though.

“So how was work anyway?” said Tsukki, glancing over in your direction.” You never got to tell me.”

Thinking of work made you think about your conversation on the phone, bringing a sick feeling to your stomach. You rested your head against the cool window and closed your eyes. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does,” Tsukki responded, sounding a little annoyed. The annoyance in his voice awakened a tiny thought in your mind: He’s doing this because of what you said earlier.

You frowned. Did your words really affect him that way? You thought they just made him upset. You didn’t think you would benefit from them.

But you did say that he wasn’t showing he cared. In a really rude way, in fact. He was doing this—leaving his shift early, going out of his way to be physically affectionate, asking about your day—because you were mean to him.

You might be clingy and desperate for attention, but you weren’t selfish enough to let that happen. “Kei, you don’t have to be doing all of this,” You said. “I shouldn’t have said what I said earlier. I’m sorry.”

Tsukki opened his mouth and closed it repeatedly, thinking of a response and choosing not to say it. “I’m doing this because,” he said finally, “even though you’re really annoying and get on my nerves a lot-”

You pouted. “Hey!”

“-I do love you, dork. I know you were in a bad mood, so I’m cheering you up.” His cheeks were bright red. “So be happy, idiot.”

A goofy smile slowly spreaded across your face. Tsukki only said “I love you” first when you were about to part ways, and even then, you were more likely to say it first. Hearing him say it now was a small thing, but it filled your heart with a giddy, bubbly sort of feeling.

But again, you remembered your words from before, and the goofy smile on your face slowly faded into a small frown. “Kei, about what I said before-”

“I get it. You were in a bad mood,” Tsukki interrupted.

“That doesn’t excuse what I said.”

“It doesn’t matter, Y/N. You can get over it now.” The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smirk. “Unless you don’t want to watch the movie I was going to have us watch.”

Your eyes widened. “Wait no, I want to watch a movie!”

Tsukki’s laughter was a pure, beautiful thing. It wasn’t the usual mocking laugh you’d hear when he was making fun of you or one of his friends. It was a genuine laugh.

He turned and softly smiled at you, and you realized with firm certainty that his smile was better than any type of affection he could give you.

hfso masterlist ✼ gen. masterlist

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edgyspit · 3 years

Text

lazy day

warnings: pretty toxic, possessive relationship/ very light violence

pairings: illumi x reader/OC

notes: this really is super self indulgent and mainly written to satisfy my own fantasies but I hope you can find it entertaining too!

illumi slips into bed and cuddles up with reader and starts to think about their future together

It was still dark out when illumi got home and decided to slip in through the bedroom window. There she was, sprawled out on the on the bed covered by the sheets that were thin enough that illumi could tell she was naked underneath. He moved across the room quietly making his way to the bed. He sat on the edge just watching her. He was resisting the urge to kiss her and wake her up. Illumi knew she often had trouble sleeping; she had woken up numerous times over the nights they had spent together screaming and petrified because of her nightmares. No matter how concerned he was, he knew better than to ask what they were about, but he always made sure to comfort her until she fell back into a blissful sleep. He always offered to use acupuncture to help her relax and she rarely let him; she wasn't very fond of it. Mostly because she was never the type to accept help.

Illumi began to play with her hair lightly for about half an hour until the sun began to rise. Slight shades of pink and orange began to fill the sky, but it didn't even compare to the beauty he was already admiring. He was eager for her to wake up but he knew she needed to get her rest. Eventually he decided to act on his selfish desire and grabbed her hair and pulled it lightly so she would be facing him.

"mmmm....hisoka?" she said sleepily

Illumi's heart shattered and a million thoughts of betrayal ran through his head. His head began to throb and he was feeling a pain he couldn't begin to describe. Hisoka? Why hisoka? Has he been seeing her while i was gone? Has he been in this bed with her? Our bed? Unconsciously his grip on her hair had tightened.

"ow! relax ilu, i was just messing with you!" She closed the gap between their lips and kissed him lightly. "i've been awake for a little while now, i just wanted to tease you after you pulled my hair!"

She was already starting to regret her little joke, it was too cruel. If she had thought it through a little more she'd have realized it wasn't a good idea. Illumi was already the possessive type and the last thing she wanted to do was plant a seed of doubt in his head. It would make him resent hisoka, but maybe that could benefit her...? No, that would be manipulative and she wasn't manipulate...at least not anymore. Not with him. She laid a few more light kisses on his lips then turned back around.

"aren't you going to get up now?", he said nudging her

"no way! i'm staying in bed all day"

illumi groaned and pouted. He wasn't the type to stay in all day being lazy and he hardly ever slept. She smirked and pushed her body up against illumi's chest. She knew he wasn't exactly happy about her plan for the day but he would give in to her wishes like always. she curled up into a ball and he put her arms around her. It made her feel small and delicate like a flower, like she could almost be vulnerable and let her guard down. This was a rare feeling in her life. She always wanted to to be as close to him as possible. He had the softest skin and slender muscles that she loved to feel wrapped around her. He also had the most addictive body scent. In all honesty, illumi completely flooded her senses and took over all of her thoughts. She was always at peace when she was being intimate with him, it all just felt so right. She felt like this was home, illumi was her home. Of course she would never admit any of this to him but she was sure he already knew.

After a few moments, she was sound asleep and illumi wouldn't dare move. He knew she always slept best in his arms and he had already been away for a little more than a week now. He had been on a business trip. Well...business trip was the most pleasant way of phrasing it. He knew that she had killed many people and it wasn't anything that made her uncomfortable but he hated the fact that she knew of such dark things. He wished he could protect her from all of it. As he watched her sleep, he thought about his feelings for her. His all-consuming love for her. He spent every minute of the day with her on his mind; he even made himself sick worrying about her when she wasn't around. Illumi knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself, but that still didn't stop him from worrying. He wanted to spend every day watching over her. He desperately wished he could make every decision for her and control her every move. That would be the only way he could possibly ensure her safety and stop feeling so anxious. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible considering the way she reacted when he simply asked to put a tracking device on her. She was furious and he couldn't comprehend why, they had a fight that dragged on for days until he finally apologized.

Illumi was trying to be less controlling because it wasn't good for their relationship but he couldn't help himself. It was the only way he knew how to express his love. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and he hoped she felt the same. This was the first time illumi had felt something so intense for someone...more like the first time he had ever really felt something. She was the light in his life and there was no way he could let her go, he had already spent his life living in darkness and he refused to go back. he was planning on asking for her hand in marriage soon and he would take her to his family home. She would be much safer there, but ultimately it was up to her whether she wants to move or not. Illumi hoped she would make the right decision on her own, but if she didn't he'd simply have to make it for her.

The door opened flooding the room with light and a head popped in. Both illumi and the girl shot up on high alert to face the threat.

"ohhhh what do we have here? hehe Ilu you never told me you were such a ladies man", the man said in a teasing manner

"hisoka get out!! i'm trying to get some rest"

"oh yes, i completely forgot i had made the arrangement to meet with you today. You needed my help with a task?" Illumi slightly tilted his head to side in a curious manner

"you forgot..? oh i see. obviously your plaything has been keeping your mind occupied" hisoka smirked. He laid his mischievous yellow eyes on the girl and she began to realize just how exposed she was

"oh i'm sorry did you not hear me? i sAID GET THE FUCK OUT HISOKA!!! AND YOU TOO ILLUMI" the girl's aura flared and the men knew she was serious and hurried out before she decided to attack.

She had met hisoka a few years earlier in her arena fighting days, but they never really got along well. He always managed to push her buttons and get on her nerves. Back then she had only gone to fight to earn a little extra pocket change and cure her extreme case of boredom and emptiness. At that point in her life wandering aimlessly looking for anything that would satisfy her and make her forget, it didn't matter where her search took her. She was already skilled at nen and was proficient in each category; this allowed her to make it to floor 200 pretty easily. That's where she met the stupid, devious clown. She would never admit it but her battles with him taught her a lot and were extremely beneficial. She was able to improve her nen and find her speciality as a conjurer. The girl is able to conjure up a red dragon made of nen that can be used as a vicious offense and an effective defense. She named it "Shini" as a reference to the god of death which proved to be a very fitting name.

She was a little angry at illumi for not backing her up and making hisoka leave the room but she knew hisoka was a good friend of ilu's even though he often denied having friends because "assassins have no use for friends". last time she checked assassins don't have any use for girlfriends either but here we are. She began to wonder what hisoka could possibly need Ilu for and why he failed to mention it to her. It seemed like her plan of keeping him in bed with her all day had already been foiled and her curiosity kept her up anyway so she wondered if she could go along with them. As if he read her mind hisoka opened the door

"you know...we might really benefit from your help"

Almost faster than he could react she grabbed one of illumi's pins on the bedside table and threw it directly at his head. Hisoka closed the door just in time and it barely missed him.

"I'll be ready in a minute", she sighed

Her lazy day with Ilu was just going to have to wait.

#hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter x reader #hxh illumi #illumi #illumi x reader #hunter x hunter fanfiction #hxh #hxh headcanons #fluff #hunter x hunter fluff #hisoka #hisoka x reader #illumi x oc #hunter x hunter oc

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lovelivingmydreams · 3 years

Text

A story by heroes and Villains

Season 2: Secrets revealed Logan Anker: Old wounds and worries

Master list book 1

The wounds of the past can hurt. Not just you but your surroundings. No wonder we keep those secret to protect them... or is it ourselves we are protecting mort that way?

Waiting until the end of patrol was torture.

Logan didn’t like talking about the past. At all. He had trouble talking about Hannah and Caleb in any capacity to Virgil, or Patton, or Thomas or even Picani. And the Collector… Logan wanted to forget about him. But he couldn’t. If he was honest, that man showed up in his nightmares to this day. And he likely would keep showing up until he was behind bars. Patton and Thomas did their best to comfort him. A gesture he appreciated even though it wasn’t very effective. Finally Prince arrived. The young hero took in the atmosphere in the room and was clearly annoyed. “Listen, I promise I was safe. But I could’ve been in the middle of talking someone out of making a bad decision at the time. You can’t just shout in my ear out of nowhere. That was dangerous and frankly, I expect you to be more levelheaded BS. Anny other night and Logan would have insisted Prince gave him a detailed debrief on what exactly was so important that he couldn’t even let them know he was okay. But today… “That isn’t what this is about Prince. Take a seat,” Thomas instructed. Giving Logan a moment more to collect his thoughts. “Ok…” Prince said as he sat down, Looking around confused. Logan took a last moment to calm himself before he started his story with an apology. “Prince. I must offer you my sincere apologies. I didn’t want to tell you this right away, and maybe I should have.” Had his decision really been about allowing Prince to live his dream before burdening him? Was withholding the truth for Prince’s benefit? Or his own? “You shouldn’t have gone out without knowing the risks… We talked a little about nemeses during your training.” Prince nodded. Clearly still confused. “Yeah, but I doubt I’ve done anything that warrants one yet. Those come later in a career unless…” Prince paused, frowning. “But you were a villain. Any nemeses you had would be heroes… Right?” Prince was a good student indeed. He’d realized that Logan was telling him he was about to inherit his mentor’s past. And he had a good point. A nemeses of Logan would be on the side of the heroes. “Technically, the collector isn’t my nemesis. At least not in the traditional sense,” he agreed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Ever since he stopped using his powers, high stress situations got him small headaches that got worse over time. “I’ll start from the beginning,” he said, thinking back to a time he’d erase from his life all together if he could. “I became a villain because I needed the money and fast. Plain and simple. Any legal means were insufficient, so I made a name for myself and eventually, when I said ‘give me 10.000 dollars or I destroy this building,’ people handed me the money because they knew I very easily could make good on my threats. I always picked an amount they could easily provide without harming the business or individual too much financially. One day I found myself running from the police force. I had misjudged the time it would take them to arrive,” he had gotten arrogant with success. “And I got helped by a stranger in a haphazardly put together disguise. When we lost them and caught our breath, he introduced himself as ‘the collector’. I fairly quickly understood him to be a fanboy of sorts. He was a big fan of my ‘work’, though he misunderstood the intention entirely. Not that I could get him to understand that.” Everything he said that didn’t fit Collector’s narrative was ignored or dismissed. “He thought I was taking the money as proof that I was superior or something like that. I didn’t listen too closely to his speech at the time. I was concerned with getting away. He said he wanted to help me. Gifted were still considered fairly new. Nowadays most people alive have lived most of their lives in a world with gifted.” The first super powered individuals had appeared around the time Logan was born. “But back then, most of the population still saw it as strange and there weren’t any real initiatives to help train the powers. So the gifted that were around often were untrained and had their powers act up without warning. Which could be quite destructive.” Logan recalled the park bench and every instance of loss of control after that, all the way up to a wine glass in a restaurant less than a year ago. He looked at his pupil to make sure he hadn’t lost his attention. The wide, attentive, green eyes and firm nod told him he still had an audience. “Anyway, the collector thought that people should respect and celebrate our existence. He compared the stigmas we faced to those of people of color, or the LGBTQ+ community, then still called the Gay or Queer community. He said it very nicely, it almost sounded reasonable, if you ignored the slight notes of supremacy. And if I had been trying to ‘stick it to the man’ as they say, I might have been tempted. But I just wanted…” to pay form my sisters treatment and my research for a cure. “I was selfish in my actions and therefore not interested in his big revolution, which turned out to be a good thing in some ways.” He didn’t want to even imagine the kind of person he’d be then. He wouldn’t have Patton that was for sure. And Virgil… No. He was glad Virgil was kept away from that madness. And he intended to keep it that way. “I told him I wasn’t interested in leading any resistance, thanked him for the assistance and left. Shortly after this, I encountered Manifestor for the first time. He blessed one of the people in the building with super speed.” Said gifted was now one of the heroes patrolling the city. He was actually one of the heroes who’s territory Prince shared. Thomas hadn’t gotten the hang of permanent and temporary power boosts yet at the time. It was always a game of chance. Thomas chuckled. “I remember. I was so pleased that it worked.” Pleased was one word for it. “You were insufferably delighted, even though I defeated your champion.” While he and StarBucker were amicable nowadays, at the time, Logan had been thoroughly annoyed at the inconvenience. But thinking back to Thomas’ triumphant smile he could not quite help his own amusement. “You did retreat though,” Thomas pointed out. “I stalled you long enough to make you give up that mark and head out. So it was a win for me.” Logan let out a sigh, he couldn’t argue with that, but they were getting of topic. “I saw the Collector a few more times after that, though I managed to avoid conversation. One day, during a stalemate with Manifestor, he asked me about him. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who’d been approached about his plans. He had actually advanced them. He was now not only collecting gifted, but also individuals worthy of a gift. Be it they joined him out of free will, or got persuaded through different means.” Blackmail, intimidation, manipulation. Those were the collector’s tools. “And he wanted me to ‘grant them that blessing’,” Thomas added uneasy. Logan patted his old friend on the back in support. A conversation with the collector had never been a fun experience for either of them. “Manifestor had enlisted the help of others to free some of his victims,” Logan continued. “The Collector claimed I was championing his cause. I assured Manifestor that I had no intention of assisting in his plans. That is about the time Manifestor started winning me over to redemption.” He thought back to those times with a bittersweet feeling. He’d been so excited by the idea. A nice place for him and Hannah to live. A good job that would let him take care of her and have her be proud of him. Things hadn’t gone quite how he’d wanted, but at the same time, one thing had gone better than he could ever have imagined. “Next time I spotted Collector, I told him in the plainest possible terms that I was not interested…” It should have been a firm ending to this story. Or so he had thought. That was naïve of him, he now knew that. Obsession and fanaticism don’t disappear just because one piece of that craziness did not cooperate. He’d been arrogant once again. Thinking too highly of himself. It took him a moment to continue. “He assured me I would be…” He suppressed a shiver as he recalled the polite, almost pleasant way he’d spoken. Sort of soothing. As if Logan had merely been a child afraid to go in the swimming pool and Collector was indulging him for the moment. “I haven’t seen him since, but that promise… I don’t know what exactly he has been up to in the past 14 years. But one can only imagine how someone like that matures... Or what he has planned for me when he finds me.” Or much more importantly, his loved ones. Thomas, Patton, Virgil, the Bullards who despite the current situation were still family to him, and Prince too if he was completely honest. There was no telling what Logan would do if any of them… Not now. “Prince, the collector will not consider you his enemy. But he is yours. Anyone who meets his criteria of ‘worthy’, is at risk. And he does not take no for an answer.” The words had barely settled in the room or Prince shot up panicked. “Phantom!” he exclaimed. “Phantom might be in danger! What if someone on the chief’s team passes on information to Him? Or what if he has connections to these crime organizations!? I’ve got to go out now and find him…” Prince was clearly about to head out again right away. Admirable, but not very prudent given the circumstances. “Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow you can try again. Even if you find him, you are not in the right state of mind to deliver this kind of news delicately.” Prince paused, clearly contemplating his words. Seeing, or feeling, an opening, Patton added his two cents. “You’ve done great today sport! You just go home and sleep on what you’ve learned. Tomorrow night there is another patrol and you might run into him then.” And to make the set complete, Thomas finished: “I’m glad you are so eager to meet this young hero Prince. Just know that there is no pressure. They’ve been evading unwanted contact for almost a year now. It is okay if you don’t find them right away. And we’ll give you the support you need.” Prince clearly did not like it but he conceded. “Can I ask a favor though? Can I bring him some of that dye and a modulator? I doubt he’ll have a very sophisticated disguise if he’s on his own. It could be a sign of comradery?” he explained awkwardly. Logan nodded. It made sense, and it wouldn’t take him long. He led Prince through a few doors to his lab. Once he got to his desk he put his family picture down. It was a digital picture frame that played an album of family pictures once the camera registered his face in front of the desk. Even if Prince didn’t look at it on purpose he might catch a glance of Virgil, Patton or him in passing. And Prince was a curious person. His territory included Logan’s new neighborhood, he might see Virgil on one of his runs while he was on patrol. Or see any of them in passing. For Prince’s safety and that of Logan’s family, he wouldn’t take risks. He handed Prince a black hairdye stick. Fitting for a gifted who relied on stealth. He picked up a dark purple modulator, the darkest color he had and plugged it in to program it. Prince clearly had an idea of how Phantom’s voice should sound. “Could you make it so it’s like, deepened by an octave and doubled? With an echo effect?” Logan nodded. It fit the moniker Phantom was given, that was for certain. “Thank you. This should help a lot,” Prince grinned as he took the modulator. “I shall be heading home now,” he bid before leaving the lab, followed by Logan who watched him get in the elevator to leave the facility. Logan let out a relieved sigh. “Come on. Let’s go home and see Virgil,” Patton said gently, knowing what Logan needed right now. Logan smiled gratefully and as they headed up, he handed Patton the keys. He didn’t feel clear of mind enough to handle driving tonight. He let Virgil know they were on their way so he would know to expect them. Otherwise he might think they were burglars.

When they got home they found Virgil on the couch with his headphones on. He looked up and smiled as he spotted them. “Welcome back. I gotta ask though. Who’s your fourth guy?” he asked playfully. Logan blinked confused. “What do you mean?” “For your poker nights,” Virgil joked. Patton giggled at Logan’s side, taking the lead. “No cardgames I’m afraid kiddo. We’ll tell you about the project once it’s finished. It’s all confidential for now I’m afraid,” he said. Virgil cocked his head and studied Patton for a moment, then he shrugged. “Okay, Keep your secrets,” he sighed as he stretched and got up. “Night Pat, night Lo,” he said casually as he headed to the door. Logan cringed a little at that. Lately his son, on occasion, used his surname. He was assured by Picani that this was in no way a reflection of Virgil’s affection for Logan as a father. He had no less than 3 fathers now. Him, Patton and an unknown biological father. To differentiate between the three he likely used surnames in his head. Which may slip out verbally on occasion. Even knowing that, it stung a little. “Goodnight Virgil, I love you,” Logan replied, trying not to show his inner discourse. Virgil paused in the door and looked back with a smile. “Love you to dad.” And just like that the tightening in his chest loosened. “Love you three kiddo!” Patton added. “Love ya Pat,” Virgil snickered before disappearing to his room. Logan kept staring at the door for a moment. Patton hugged him from the side. “What do you say I make us a nightcap before bed?” he suggested. Logan nodded. “That would be pleasant,” he told him.

The next morning, Logan woke up to hearing Virgil move about and singing to himself downstairs. That boy never sleeps in. He let out a yawn and stretched, feeling Patton curl into his chest. “Do you regret moving in with us yet?” he teased. “Never,” Patton muttered sleepily. “I smell bacon,” he hummed. “First awake makes breakfast in the weekend. It’s a tradition we have. He was ten the first time I found him trying to fix me breakfast in bed,” Logan recalled fondly. “He made a mess, but it was really sweet. He was following all my rules. He didn’t touch the knives or the stove without me there, which of course limited his options. I helped him make breakfast the that day. After that I made sure to lay some things ready for him on Friday and Saturday nights in case he tried again. Which he did.” “That is adorable,” Patton squealed with a kiss to Logan’s cheek. “Let’s see what our son has in store for us today,” Logan suggested as he got up. He waked to the closet to select some clothes for the day. He felt Patton’s eyes on his back and turned around. “Everything alright Patton?” Patton bit his lip. “It’s just… Our son. I really like the sound of that,” he explained. Logan nodded. “I do too.” Patton bit his lip. “I was thinking of maybe looking into… what it would take for me to adopt him? Make it official?” he suggested. Logan’s heart skipped a beat. Patton had mentioned adopting Virgil in a burst of emotion before. But it seemed like he meant it. He knew that it would mean the world to both him and Virgil to have Patton be an official part of their family. “That would be excellent Patton,” he told him sincerely. Patton’s face lit up at that. “Would you help me figure it out? I want to know what steps I have to take.” Logan walked back to the bed and sat himself next to Patton, taking hold of both his hands. “It would be my greatest pleasure,” he told him gently. Patton’s shoulders relaxed, his gaze still thoughtful, and then he let out a giggle. “May I inquire where your mind has taken you now?” Logan wondered fondly. “It’s just. Look at me being practical. You have rubbed off on me,” he scolded playfully. “Well if it helps, you have changed me too. For the better that is,” Logan assured him with a kiss to his forehead. “Now get downstairs before our breakfast gets cold.”

Breakfast was pleasant. Virgil rolled his eyes and teased them with how ‘cute’ they were being this morning. Logan responded by giving Patton an extra kiss to his cheek. And then Thomas picked Virgil up for their trip to the zoo. Logan and Patton distracted themselves by preparing classes for the next week, answering email and spending some quality time together. Logan had told Thomas that he could tell Virgil about his teenage years. If the topic of parents and siblings came up, he could mention what he knew. Logan knew that he was risking moving up his time table. But part of him hoped he’d be forced to tell Virgil everything tonight. He should have told him long ago. But he kept finding excuses to postpone. He had still not decided whether he’d talk about BrainStorm or not. “I’m home!” Virgil called all of a sudden. Logan glanced up from his book. Time had flown by. Patton was almost done with diner after which they had to leave for Prince’s next patrol. Logan was torn on that subject too. On one hand he knew the young hero wouldn’t need constant supervision for much longer. But on the other, he’d worry about Prince the whole evening if he didn’t personally keep an eye on him. “Dad!” Virgil grinned brightly as he gave him a hug. Effectively ending his inner turmoil. “Virgil? Not that I do not appreciate you seem excited to see me. But is there a particular reason?” he wondered. Virgil let go and stepped back. Logan absentmindedly took note of the fact that the height difference between them was almost gone. Would he outgrow him? Caleb had been a little taller than him. “Uncle Thomas told me about your teen years. I didn’t know you were on the debate team!” he grinned excitedly. Logan was a little flattered that this little bit of information seemed to mean so much to his son. “Well, yes. It was a bit of a hobby of mine, as well as an attempt to get better at socializing,” he confessed. Virgil’s eyes sparked at that. “You were a socially awkward nerd,” he chuckled. Logan frowned at that. “Hey, that’s a complement. I’m a socially awkward artsy kid. Sounds like I’m your son after all,” he chuckled happily. “Speaking off. Uncle Thomas told me you wrote poetry back in the day.” “Really?” Patton exclaimed from the kitchen. Logan was flushing bright red. “I… Experimenting with different forms of self-expression is a natural part of discovering one’s identity as a teenager. It was a phase. I would like to forget about it,” he said stiffly. “Aw, but poetry is so romantic,” Patton pouted. Logan made a mental note of that. Just because he didn’t write anymore didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy reading it from time to time. There was something soothing in the format and he knew of a few poems Patton may enjoy. As far as Virgil was concerned though, poetry was firmly in his past. “That’s too bad. I thought I could maybe make a project around your old work for art class,” Virgil said disappointedly. Oh, that was not fair. “I’ll see if I still have one of my old notebooks,” he allowed. “Just ask my consent before you pick one.” And before he knew it he was once again hugged tightly by his son. “Thanks dad. You won’t regret it. I promise.” Virgil’s excitement was worth any embarrassment that his pubescent ramblings may cause. During dinner Virgil told them about the trip to the zoo and the many sketches he’d made. He also informed them that his session with Picani had gone well. After dinner Virgil bid both of them goodnight in case he’d be asleep when they got back from the university. Patton was smiling the whole way there. “What is on your mind?” Logan wondered. “Did you ever write something for a crush?” Patton asked giddily. He had sort of expected this. “I… Didn’t really have a romantic interest in high school. Thomas was the only person my age I got close to. I was… Well you know what I was going through back then. Between my mother and school… All I had on romance was rather resentful or, once Hannah introduced Caleb to me, from the eye of an observer. Perhaps I can find one of the latter. It might be nice for Virgil to use something inspired by his parents as a base for whatever project he is working on,” he mused. “That sounds like a lovely idea,” Patton agreed.

Half an hour later, Logan was pacing the floor. Prince should’ve called in ten minutes ago. He might just be late, but… Then a beep announced that Prince’s communicator went active. Logan rushed to the comstation. “DreamPrince you are late. What is yours status?” Had he ran into trouble? Was he hiding? Or had he simply forgotten about his com until now? “I am currently debriefing Phantom. I’ll let you know when I’m done here. Tell chief I’ll stop by with a package,” he informed them swiftly. “Radio silence until further notice.” And just like that, the line went silent once again. “He has him…” Logan muttered. Almost in disbelieve. “Oh thank goodness,” Thomas breathed in relief. They’d all be worried about the child out on their own. But it seemed like they were quite a few steps ahead of Collector. An advantage they sorely needed.

Hero au

@cirishere @hestianerd1 @moonlightshow00 @naturallyunstablegamer @alias290 @meowthefluffy @frida0043 @angelic-cali @selenechris @theblackveilinreverse

#sanders sides #ts sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #heroau

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jalapeno-princess · 4 years

Text

Somebody Else

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 5.3K

Summary: It was Yugyeom’s birthday so both him and BamBam try to get Mark to tag along with them to the club. After Mark has been cooped up in his apartment for a while, the younger boys feel as if his sour attitude has to deal with your breakup over three months ago. What they didn’t know, was that you and Mark have been fooling around and agreed to have casual sex with no strings attached. However, you decided that you no longer wanted continue allowing Mark to take advantage of you and ended things between the two of you completely. Against his many refusals, he finds himself going to the club, but something happens that causes him to regret the night in it’s entirety.

A/N: I’ve been in love with the 1975 since I was 16 years old and “Somebody Else” is one of my favorite songs. I thought about writing an imagine based on the song for the longest time but I didn’t know how to start. I decided to write it after a daydream I had where Mark and I broke up and I ended up with JB but I decided to include JInyoung instead. Please enjoy!

So I heard you found somebody else And at first I thought it was a lie I took all my things that make sounds The rest I can do withoutI don't want your body But I hate to think about you with somebody else Our love has gone cold You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone And then leaving with somebody else No, I don't want your body But I'm picturing your body with somebody else

“Mark come on, you have to come bro—it’s my birthday! You, BamBam and I are like the three musketeers! We can’t go to the club without you! He and I get drunk, while you keep an eye on us and make sure we don’t get in trouble. It’ll be a good time, I promise.“ Seeing the promising look on Yugyeom’s face the longer he tried to pry at Mark and get him to go out with them made it harder for the older boy. If it was anyone else, he would’ve said no right off the bat. However, from the beginning of their friendship, Mark has always had a soft spot for his two youngest friends.

No matter how much Yugyeom and BamBam would take advantage of his kindness and manipulate him in to doing things he didn’t want to do, he could never find it in himself to tell either of them no. But this time was different. Mark was very adamant on not going out anytime soon, no matter what the occasion was. Right as he was about to decline once more, the other boy spoke up.

“What’s wrong Mark? You always used to go out with us, even when you and noona were still together—wait a minute. You’re not still hung up on her are you? It’s been months. Three months to be exact, and weren’t you the one to end things anyway, so what’s the problem? Maybe you need this outing. You could find someone new—“ He knew BamBam and Yugyeom meant well, or so he could only hope. Sometimes, those two had a tendency to be selfish and were willing to put their friends in uncomfortable situations if it meant they got what they wanted. It was partially his fault that he’d let them get away with things; Mark was a huge pushover.

Whenever someone asked him for a favor, he was quick to lend a hand. Things were different this time though, he wasn’t up for going out; especially not to the club of all places and hearing about you got him all flustered. BamBam was right about the breakup; it’s been three months since Mark told you he was no longer in love with you and that he wanted to end your relationship. But what the younger boy wasn’t aware of, was that you and Mark were still casually hooking up as if nothing was wrong. Well, that was up until three weeks ago when you told him you could no longer continue fooling around with him anymore. He was still pretty upset about it and as much as he wanted to keep lying to himself by saying it was because he missed having sex with you, Mark knew it went beyond the intimacy between you both.

Three weeks ago

“Fuck—I’m so, so close. Please baby, tell me you’re almost there too—you’re driving me crazy y/n—shit—“ You’ve had sex with Mark many times to know when he was near his end. His grip on your waist would always be so tight to the point where he’d leave bruises and his pace would get quicker if it was even possible right as he was about to come. When you felt his creamy, warm liquid fill you up as he hid his face in the crook of your neck, you released a frustrated sigh and motioned for him to get off of you. “Wait, y/n—you didn’t come yet. Let me take care of you—“

“No, it’s fine. I think I should go. You got you wanted right? So my job here is done.” Mark looked at you as if you grew another head. It wasn’t as if this wasn’t something either of you weren’t used to. Sure, your breakup was more than two months ago, but you and Mark agreed to continue sleeping around with each other until one of you found someone else. Well, at least that’s what he thought.

“Y/n—“ As you were about to look for your clothes that were practically flung all across the room, you felt his fingers grip on to your wrist all but gently causing you to fall back in to bed with him. “Talk to me. Did something happen? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” The emotionless chuckle that fell from your lips sent chills down Mark’s spine. He knew it was wrong for him to ask you if it was okay for the two of you to still fuck on the down low even if you were no longer together.

Although your relationship was no longer, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with the idea of hooking up with you. Mark loved making love to you; it was his favorite thing to do. It was more than just sex to him whenever the two of you would find yourselves tumbling in to bed together. There was a spark; a flame that flickered between you and Mark. He may not have harbored feelings for you anymore, but he’d be lying if he said you weren’t the best sex he’s ever had. You were all he knew and wanted to know for the last three years.

It came as a shock to him when you agreed. You didn’t take the news of the breakup all too well. When Mark told you he no longer felt anything for you and wanted to end things with you, you ended up crying and begged him to stay with you. His heart hurt seeing you fall to your knees while you wrapped yourself around his leg, but he couldn’t stay in a relationship where he no longer felt anything. It wouldn’t have been fair to you.

A week after he left you crying your heart out on the kitchen floor, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t quite done with you yet. He fooled around with a girl he met in the club the night before, but he didn’t feel anything. When he brought the girl back to his place with intentions of blowing her back out, he just assumed the two of them would fuck and she would leave. But when he got her naked and right as he was about to put on a condom; something inside of him screamed that this was all wrong. He wasn’t even in the mood for sex; nor was he even horny. Mark just felt like he had to have sex with someone else in order to lie to himself that he could hook up with anyone other than you.

The girl was cute and it was obvious with the way she was ripping his clothes off of him that she was interested in him, but there was just one problem. She wasn’t you. He gave her an empty apology and the poor girl looked so confused as he began to put his clothes back on, but he was quick to tell her nothing was going to happen between them. The next morning, he found himself contemplating on reaching out to you. Mark began typing out multiple text messages letting you know that he made a mistake and that he was still in love with you. But he knew that wasn’t the truth; or at least that’s what he kept telling himself.

After sending you a risky text, asking you if you were okay with continuing the physical part of your relationship, he had expected for you to ignore his message or even cuss him out. However, when you responded less than ten minutes later with a simple “sure”, he released a breath of relief. He had a huge feeling you were going to say no, especially because of the way he ended things that night. And because Mark knew that you weren’t one to just sleep around. You believed in relationships; you never gave your body to just anybody. It was either exclusivity or nothing. What he didn’t know, was that you were willing to have him in any way that you could; even if that meant leading yourself on and getting hurt in the process. If Mark only wanted you for your body, it was better than not having him in your life at all.

Red flags went off in your head immediately the minute you agreed to having somewhat of a friends with benefits relationship with Mark. Everything seemed to be fine in the beginning. He got the sex that he wanted and you got the companionship that your heart craved. You knew your relationship with Mark would never go back to what it used to be, but you tried to lie to yourself by saying that maybe, just maybe he would find it in himself to redevelop feelings for you.

When he only reached out to you strictly for sex, you pushed back any thought of reconciling to the back of your mind. He wasn’t the same person you fell in love with all those years ago and you couldn’t force him to get back in to a relationship with you. You were fine; for the last two months, you accepted what you couldn’t change and allowed this toxic relationship to go on. But it was only a matter of time that you wouldn’t be able to let Mark hurt you for much longer. As much as you hated the idea of giving Mark up completely, you knew there was a huge chance you’d lose yourself sooner or later by letting Mark take, take, take until you had nothing left to give.

“Baby—“

“No, don’t you dare give me that baby shit. I’m done. I can’t keep doing this anymore. I was stupid for letting this happen. I was stupid for allowing you to continue to play with my heart. I’m still so fucking in love with you that I was willing to give you my body if it meant being able to still have you in my life. But I’m not happy Mark. You obviously could give less of a shit about me and my feelings. I’m nothing but just an easy fuck to you. You’re a fucking selfish asshole to take advantage of me like this. I know you were aware of the fact that I still love you and you acted on my feelings because it was convenient for you. You broke my fucking heart Mark. Are you happy? Is this what you wanted? God, I feel so pathetic for allowing this to go on for two months. I hate myself for taking this long to realize that I don’t need this shit. I deserve better than this. I would’ve done anything for you Mark. But I can’t say the same for you. Have a nice life Mark—I’m done trying to be a part of it.”

Once you finished putting on the rest of your clothes and practically stormed out of his apartment, Mark felt a pain in his chest that he’s never felt before. Not even the night of your breakup and he was frustrated that he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Was it because he knew that this was it? This was the end for you both. He knew he fucked up. But was it because you were the one to call it quits this time and his pride was hurt? Or was it because he still loved you?

No way, he couldn’t have been in love with you. If he still had any sort of romantic feelings for you, he would’ve never allowed the break up to happen in the first place. When he felt a tear fall down his cheek, Mark knew he made a huge mistake. He gave himself a few moments to think about what just went down and when it hit him that he lost you completely. But what did it matter? Isn’t this what was supposed to happen the minute he broke up with you? There wasn’t supposed to be any more involvement with you both. Was he such a fucked up individual that he got himself off on hurting you?

You were right, you didn’t deserve any of this? How could he treat you like nothing when you gave him the world on a silver platter? What kind of monster did he allow himself to turn in to? He made himself a vow that night to give you your space and time to heal before reaching out to you and apologizing for being such a sadistic asshole and mistreating you. However, he was afraid of the backlash he would get if he were to try and get in touch with you even if it was just to say sorry. Whenever you said something, you meant it. So when you said that you were done, he knew you meant not only with allowing yourself to get hurt, but just done with Mark in general.

It took him a while, but he came to terms with the fact that he was still in love with you. He actually never stopped. He just thought that when he no longer put effort in to your relationship that it meant he no longer loved you. The more he put time and effort in to other things like his job, hanging out with his friends, playing his video games and even spending more time with his dog than he did with you, he felt as if he would be fine without having you in his life. Boy, was he wrong.

“I’m not in a rush to get in to another relationship nor do I want to fuck just anybody like how the two of you always seem to. You only want me to come out just so I can be the designated driver and because your cheap asses don’t want to pay for a cab. I’m sorry Yugyeom. I know it’s your birthday, but I refuse to go out and waste my time sitting around like a fucking loser surrounded with hundreds of sweaty bodies drunkenly grinding up on one another. And I’m honestly in no mood to celebrate. You guys have fun and try not to do anything stupid.”

Even if Mark told the two boys no, he knew he’d end up going out anyway. He could only yell and fight them off for so long until they used every single excuse they could find to guilt him in to going. Mark wasn’t surprised to find himself at the entrance of the most popular night club the city had to offer. He let out a frustrated sigh when he saw how long the line was, but before he could tell the two boys off, the bouncer allowed the three of them in after looking at the clipboard. BamBam and Yugyeom couldn’t stop the laughs that fell from their lips when they took a look at Mark’s confused expression.

“Yugbam never waits to get in. We’re very important people. Even more so because it’s my birthday hyung. Now we promised to get you drunk and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” The three of them pushed their way through the hoard of bodies scattered throughout the club in order to get to the bar and BamBam ordered two rounds of tequila shots to start the night off. “Bottoms up!” BamBam and Yugyeom took their time with sipping their drinks but the eldest boy downed his shots in one go.

“Mark hyung—the night is still young man take your time—“ The glare he sent to the overly excited boy caused BamBam to stop mid sentence before he could say anything else and ruin the night before it could really start.

Come on baby This ain't the last time that I'll see your face Come on baby You said you'd find someone to take my place

I just don't believe that you have got it in you 'cause We are just gonna keep 'doin' it' and everytime I start to believe in anything you're saying I'm reminded that I should be getting over it

“Should we go out on the dance floor?” Mark gave Yugyeom a knowing look but the birthday boy wasn’t going to let him be his usual boring self. Plus, it didn’t take a genius to know that something was bothering him. Even if Mark continuously told both of his friends that he was fine, Yugyeom knew there was something weighing heavy on his mind. He wanted to be there for Mark and support him the way Mark never failed to do for either of his friends. But Yugyeom was never good with words. The thing he was best at was getting plastered and finding himself in between the legs of women he wouldn’t even take the time to learn the names of. That’s what he had planned for Mark.

He’s never been in a relationship before, so he wouldn’t understand what Mark was going through. Nobody really did. How do you console someone through a break up when they were the one to initiate it in the first place? Mark knew he had no choice but in joining his two friends out on the dance floor since he didn’t want to be standing in a corner by himself like a loner. Once they found a decent place to stand, they all began dancing or in Mark’s opinion; flapping their arms and legs in an awkward motion. He found himself smiling softly in amusement as he watched the two boys looking around the club for what he thought were girls to go home with. When BamBam’s eyes widened in shock, he thought it was a good sign but Mark was quick to notice the way the younger boy now looked so worried.

“Hey Gyeom, maybe we should find another spot to dance in. Better yet, why don’t we just find another club? It’s too crowded in here don’t you think?” Yugyeom was completely oblivious to his friend’s change in demeanor, but Mark was quick to pick up on it and turned around to look in the direction BamBam couldn’t stop staring in. It was in that moment Mark felt his heart sink to his chest. There you were, in all your breathtaking glory. Your long hair was done in bouncy curls, your makeup was simple but very elegant and the dress you were wearing was one of his favorite ones you owned. It hugged each and every curve perfectly and every single time you had worn it, it would find it’s way on the floor by the end of the night.

You looked extremely beautiful. Out of all the girls in the club, you stood out the most and he wasn’t just thinking that because he was biased since you were his ex-girlfriend. No matter where the two of you went, Mark always felt that you were the most beautiful girl in existence. However, it wasn’t your beauty that was causing the gut wrenching pain in his stomach. No. It was the hands that were grazing a little too close to your ass that was driving him to the brink of insanity. You were currently grinding up against another body, one that didn’t take long for Mark to recognize.

“Isn’t that—Jinyoung? What the fuck?” His vision landed on the man in question and he could feel his heart clench the longer he kept his eyes on the two of you. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t look away; as much as it pained him to see you in the arms of someone else, especially a man he considered to be one of his good friends, he just couldn’t stop staring. You looked so happy; so in to Jinyoung and it was clear to see that the older boy was attracted to you with the way he was holding you so protectively. It was in that moment of seeing your bodies molding against each other that your words from a couple of weeks ago came back to him like a slap in the face.

“I’m gonna find someone to take your place. Someone who is actually going to love me for me and not just for my body. The way you used to love me.”

BamBam and Yugyeom were completely in awe at the fact that you and Jinyoung were here together but Mark didn’t seem all too surprised. Jinyoung wasn’t one to keep his feelings a secret. He may have never told anyone that he had a crush on you, but Mark saw it in his actions. Even when the two of you were still a couple, Jinyoung would do things for you that Mark felt only boyfriends did for their girlfriends. He did things for you that not even Mark did.

If Jinyoung saw something that reminded him of you, he wouldn’t hesitate to buy it, no matter the price. There were days he would ditch class just so he could pick you up from work, he would take off his shoes and give them to you to wear if he noticed your feet were sore from walking in heels all day, he’d text you every now and then to make sure you were eating your meals and he even knew your coffee order by heart.

During your relationship, Mark found himself questioning your loyalty to him and sometimes he felt as if there was a chance you were cheating on him with Jinyoung. But you never seemed all too interested in Jinyoung even as a friend and you made it aware that Mark was the only man for you. Why did he have to go and fuck everything up? Seeing you with Jinyoung made him want to throw up. As Jinyoung leaned down and placed a kiss on your neck, he felt his blood begin to boil. That should be him holding you, dancing with you, grinding you against his growing erection while whispering dirty things in your ear. That should be him passionately making out with you, not stupid Park Jinyoung—wait, what?

“Mark hyung, I think it would be best for us to leave—“ This earned the birthday boy a scoff. Yugyeom was soon regretting his decision of begging Mark to come out and celebrate his birthday. Now he wanted nothing more than to go home before things took a turn for the worst.

“Why would we leave? We’re here to have a good time and celebrate your 23rd birthday man. Come on, you guys wanted to party, let’s fucking party.” Mark started making his way back to the bar with the intent of getting extremely drunk. If you could have your fun, then so could he. He never had the confidence nor bravery to talk to any girl without a few shots of liquid courage inside of him and if he was planning on finding someone to take his mind off of you with Jinyoung’s tongue shoved down your throat, he needed to be plastered. With the way he was acting; so forceful without a care in the world, they were afraid of what Mark was actually capable of.

A drunk Mark was dangerous. He could get really angry and sometimes physical if he had a little too much to drink and now he had a reason to be upset. Three shots of rum and two beers later, Mark found himself dancing along with a petite, busty blonde with blue eyes and a nice, curvaceous body. She told him her name three times, but Mark couldn’t care less to learn it. Nor did he care about the way her lips felt against his. He just needed a distraction. Even if he was drunk, and occupied with someone else, his mind and his eyes continued to wander towards you and Jinyoung.

You had yet to notice his presence and a huge part of him wanted nothing more than for you to see him with another girl so that you could experience the pain he was currently feeling watching you with one of his friends, but he knew he put you through so much negativity in the last couple of months and you deserved the happiness he could no longer give you. BamBam and Yugyeom found themselves keeping an eye on their older friend in disbelief that they had to be the ones taking care of him and not the other way around. If this was under different circumstances, the two mischief makers would’ve been excited that their hyung was having a good time and getting himself back on the market. But knowing he was acting this way after seeing you with someone Mark thought he could trust, they wanted nothing more than to get out of there.

As much as they didn’t want to aggravate him by trying to leave, they both decided that neither of them were having fun and deep down, Mark wasn’t either. After arguing over who would try and take Mark away from the girl he was obviously not interested in, BamBam began to walk towards the older boy and tapped on his shoulder.

“Mark hyung, it’s time to go.” A sigh of relief fell from his lips when Mark complied and began to follow him. To BamBam’s dismay, right as they were about to exit the club, Mark turned around and searched the club for you one more time. It didn’t matter that he had so much alcohol in his system, he was still so upset seeing you with someone else. He was soon regretting looking for you the minute he saw Jinyoung whisper in your ear while motioning his head towards the door. Deep down he knew exactly what the two of you had planned once you were to leave the club and he could physically feel himself shutting down at the thought. As the three boys found themselves sitting outside waiting for a cab, the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened. But it wasn’t like any of them were surprised; it was nearing the time that the club usually closed. So to see you and Jinyoung walking outside the same time they did, it wasn’t unexpected, just extremely unwanted.

“Oh, hey guys! I didn’t know you were here—ah yeah I totally forgot! Happy birthday Yugyeom!” Both Yugyeom and BamBam turned to see you and Jinyoung holding hands; they could only hope Mark wasn’t paying attention to the two of you but they knew it was asking for too much. You currently had your head down and both boys assumed it was because you felt awkward seeing your ex-boyfriend while you were with your current love interest. They might have not been aware of what exactly was going on with you and Jinyoung, but the two of you weren’t so discreet with your needy touches and lingering kisses.

“Thanks man. How have you been? It’s been a while bro.” Jinyoung grinned before lifting your intertwined hands up and placing a kiss on the back of it. Was he really that insensitive to act as if what he was doing was okay? You and Mark were together for three years. Even if he was the one to break up with you, BamBam and Yugyeom didn’t feel right with the way Jinyoung was practically flaunting you off in front of them as if it was the most normal thing to do.

“I’ve been good—ah, we’ve been good. Keeping busy.” The animalistic growl that came from the back of Mark’s throat made the two younger boys extremely nervous.

“We? You must be happy Jinyoung. How does it feel fucking around with my ex-girlfriend huh? You wanted this all along didn’t you? You didn’t even wait for us to break up completely did you? She and I have been fucking for two months after our break up, were you aware of that? You’ve been following her around like a lovesick puppy even while she and I were together. I hope you know she could give less of a shit about you, she’s still madly in love with me. She might be bouncing on your dick now, but just know that she wishes it was me—“

“Mark that’s enough!”

You were quiet this entire time and you were secretly trying to tug at Jinyoung’s wrist to let him know you wanted to leave the group of guys and head back to your car. But as smart as Jinyoung was, he wasn’t all that bright. You took a few steps towards your ex-boyfriend and took in a deep breath before continuing to release your built up anger.

“You don’t get to say shit! You know nothing! You hurt me. You broke me. You fucked up my mind and my body. You fucked me over. I hate you. Do you hear me? I hate you Mark Tuan. I spent so much time crying over you, wishing things would go back to how they used to be but for what? For you to put me through the same shit again? You don’t deserve me. I did anything and everything you asked me to. Nobody in their right minds would ever do even half of the shit I did for you. Who I date, who I’m talking to or who I’m sleeping with is none of your business anymore. You decided you wanted nothing to do with me the minute you broke up with me. Jinyoung saved me before I could completely fall apart because of you. He takes such good care of me in ways you never did even when we were a couple. And yes! I’m fucking Park Jinyoung! We were just about to head back to my place so he could rearrange my guts. I’ve only been with you and Jinyoung and if I’m being honest with you, Jinyoung is the best sex I’ve ever had. I refused to allow you to continue ruining my life by taking up my thoughts. So fuck you Mark Tuan. Come on Jinyoung, let’s go.”

All four guys looked at you in disbelief after hearing your confession; Yugyeom and BamBam were extremely flabbergasted after hearing the news that you and Mark were still sleeping around together even after your breakup. Jinyoung has a smug expression on his face and Mark was fuming.

“Park Jinyoung, get your ass over here!” Jinyoung said his brief goodbyes before running after you and left the two younger boys to look at Mark in confusion. There were so many things they wanted to ask, but they knew better to egg him on and make matters worse.

“Mark hyung—“

“Don’t. Just get me home.” The taxi showed up less than ten minutes after the whole confrontation and Mark was the first one to get dropped off.

“Are you sure you want to be alone right now? Maybe you should come to my place, you need friends right now.”

Mark released a soft sigh before shaking his head in disagreement. “I need some time by myself. I’m sorry your birthday night was ruined, I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. I promise. Get home safely. I’ll talk to you both later.”

Mark slowly made his way up to his apartment and didn’t even take three steps inside before falling to his knees and crying his heart out. That was so much for him to take it. He might have been drunk the minute you and Jinyoung approached the three of them, but he was completely sober by the end of it.

Hearing exactly what he did to you, on top of your confession that Jinyoung was the best sex you’ve had, made Mark feel like complete and utter shit. His ego was hurt, his feelings were hurt and his heart was surely broken. But he deserved it. He lied on the ground and stayed there for what felt like forever. Right as he was about to fall asleep, he reached for his phone and although his conscience was telling him it was wrong, he began typing your number, the only one he knew by heart. Once he sent the text messages, he drifted off to slumber wanting nothing more than to sleep for the next five months.

Asshole: I made a mistake and I’m so fucking sorry. 5:23 A.M.

Asshole: I hope Park Jinyoung takes good care of you. You deserve the entire world and more. 5:23 A.M.

Asshole: I still—fuck. I still love you. It’s too late, but it has to be said. I lied, I never fell out of love with you. I was just being a selfish fucking dumbass. 5:23 A.M.

Asshole: I’m sorry. For everything. Take care of yourself and have a nice life. 5:25 A.M.

Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone

I don't want your body But I hate to think about you with somebody else Our love has gone cold You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone And then leaving with somebody else No, I don't want your body But I'm picturing your body with somebody else

#got7 imagines #got7 #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #got7 angst

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