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animelovelover123 · 7 months

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DMC: Family Pet AU – Meeting the Family (Part 2/3)

Link to Master List [Links to other parts can be found in master list.]

Set-Up If you were taken by almost any other demon family, you would have been dragged away without warning and thrown to the proverbial sharks to start your job of pleasing and breeding immediately. But this was the Sparda family who saw you for the beautiful, intelligent, slightly frightened demon Pet that you were. Not only were they not forcing you to be their Pet, giving you a couple of months with them to decide if you wanted to stay, but they also made sure not to overwhelm you by introducing you to everyone all at once. They let you meet each family member individually or in pairs over the course of a few days. This is how each of them feels leading up to meeting you and how they react to you when you meet. Organized in order of meeting them.

Dante and Lady

Lady was hesitant about this whole Pet thing. She was hesitant about a lot of demon society and customs due to her personality and the trauma she went through with her family. After what happened at Temen-ni-gru, Dante and Lady were in a bit of an awkward situation relationship wise but over time they were able to open up to each other and become close, while still bickering a fair bit. But when Dante started subtly suggesting that Lady meet his family and that demon families were more fluid, able to integrate new members, she vehemently pushed back. Her family had been torn apart by demons and demonic power, she was not about to create a new family with them. It took about 4 years of knowing Dante before Lady finally met his family and a total 11 until she officially joined. It helped that she wasn’t the only newcomer as Trish had appeared at that point and joined right away. Even though she had spent over a decade with the Sparda family, she could not fully absolve her bitterness towards demons. She knew of the practice of demon Pets since childhood, as Arkham was a scholar of demonology and the occult and he would never shut up about it, but she had kind of hoped that the Sparda family would not get one themselves. Maybe she thought they were above the need for one, maybe she just didn’t want more demons in the family, maybe she was afraid of change in the family. These were all possibilities that she refused to elaborate on out of stubborn pride. Nevertheless, here she was waiting at Devil May Cry for the new Pet to be dropped off, determined not to frighten them with her straightforward personality. Although her temper was already being tested with Dante making those comments and giving those looks that let her know Dante knew how she was feeling despite her best attempts to keep it to herself. The fucker had gotten way too good at reading her and she hated it.

Dante, for his part, was excited about your arrival and did not hide it. Most of the family joked and/or accused him of just wanting another sex partner, to which he points out how he doesn’t need one when he is generally the most popular in the family for that sort of thing. They gripe and grumble but can’t argue more. In reality, though, sex was not the best part about you joining. Not to say it wasn’t going to enjoy your services when the opportunity arose. He was curious to see what your feline/canine traits would bring to the table. The thing that made him the happiest about you was what it meant for his family situation. Ever since the attack on the Sparda home when he was a child, Dante’s family had been in flux. From assumed deaths, to sudden reappearances, abandonment, and infighting, his family situation was never stable for more than a handful of years before a big change happened and multiple people were irreversibly hurt. But now, finally, everything and everyone was okay. Everyone had all their limbs, their souls, their free will, and their humanity. And you joining the family was the etching in stone Dante needed, cementing that his family was finally settling down. And soon you would start having the families children, meaning the family would grow and people were going to stick around and raise their kids properly for once. Everyone was happy, safe, and going to stick around. What more could Dante want?

Despite being on different sides of the spectrum, when you were finally dropped off by Trish, neither Dante nor Lady knew what to do with you. After introductions, you went quiet, your colony having told you to follow whatever the family wanted you to do. This left the decision up to Dante and Lady, but they had not really planned for anything to do in particular. Do they play games with you? Turn on the TV? Make you a snack? Maybe not. That made it seem like they were babysitting a child. You were an adult so… do you wanna drink? Can you drink alcohol? Can dogs and cats drink alcohol?

Eventually, Dante just started striking up conversations on random topics because you weren't taking the initiative and he knew Lady was standoffish when meeting new people. It was a bit awkward at first, but once the ball got rolling things went rather smoothly. Dante got you both to open up more and soon laughter and excited conversation were flying around like you three had been friends for years. There was something easy about talking together like this, with Dante and Lady already having an established friendship you somehow slotting in perfectly. For the first time in this family, you were comfortable enough to speak your mind freely, and that made Lady and Dante fall for you quickly. And when the music from the jukebox was blasting and the pizza arrived things got more physical. Nothing too debaucherous, just things like an arm around the shoulders and waist, a bit of nuzzling, and a few sneaky pecks on the hands and top of the head.

Lady couldn’t help her flickers of distrust toward you, especially with how quiet you were at first. But as she opened up thanks to Dante’s prodding, so did you, which cultivated a kind of bond with you. She tells you her thoughts and you respond to them, and you give her yours. It was a give and take that made her trust you and see you beyond the fact that you were a demon. If it wasn’t for your ears and tail, she would have forgotten it at times. When she wasn't lost in the moment, she was surprised by her own willingness to get close to you despite her usual disposition. It often took a long time for her to grow comfortable with intimate contact, and yet when Dante decided to mess with you guys by suddenly changing the song from a party tune to a relaxed and slow song, you two just naturally came together. You slowly rocked back and forth together in a relaxed slow dance. As she held you close and you nuzzled into her neck and shoulder, she felt a sense of peace and joy that she had not felt since childhood. She could live in this moment.

Dante did his best to lead the conversation and activities when things got quiet without being too pushy. He could tell you were holding back. A few of his family members were also guilty of hiding their true thoughts and feelings for whatever reason, so he was accustomed to spotting it and working through it. So when you started opening up, he understood how difficult it was for you to do that and what that meant for your two’s burgeoning relationship. You, to some extent, trusted him, and in that he was happy. Yet, though he knew he should be satisfied, he wanted more of you. He wanted to hear everything about you, your thoughts and feelings. He wanted to know what you liked and what you didn’t. He wanted to see your emotions. It was an odd, encompassing desire to know you in every way that was based on his rapidly growing affection for you and a desire to care for you. Just like the rest of his family, he wanted you to be happy and safe. But unlike others who were strong, independent, and resistant to his care, you welcomed it, as your species was built to be taken care of. So, a lot of his pent-up desires to shelter and protect finally had a willing outlet. And with how happy you made Lady, it made Dante want to see you interact with the rest of his family so you could spread that same joy to everyone he loved. It was him that kissed your head. The moment he did it he realized that it may have been a bit much for your first day together. But when you and he were dancing your hearts out and you ended up wrapped in his arms, the way he could easily hold your, relatively, small form and how you smiled and giggled up at him like the world's problems were nonexistent, he was blinded by his desire to protect your happiness.

Unfortunately, though, the fun ended as Dante got a call from a worried mother who had her children kidnapped by a demon. Despite how badly they wanted to stay with you, both Dante and Lady had to end your time together early to help. You were supposed to spend the night there with them, but this was an emergency and they knew the family would understand. So, they called up Nico asking if she would take her turn with you early. You all hopped into Dante’s car and drove toward the mission location, with Nico meeting them partway to transfer you to her. Before they headed off though, Dante pulled you and Lady into a group hug that lasted a little longer than it should, and both promised that they would see you again as soon as possible.

Nico

Nico was jazzed to have you join the family. She was really into demons and demon stuff. She honestly preferred to make equipment from demon parts and watch them get their asses beat. But as she met and learned from the older members of the family, she also learned of the demon species that were nonviolent and innocently trying to live their lives. This made her curious to meet such cuties, and soon she would with this whole demon Pet thing. Plus, having some sexy little thing ready and willing to snuggle and shag at any time of day? Sounds like a dream come true, doesn’t it? So, when she suddenly got a call the night before she was supposed to meet with you asking if she would be willing to take you tonight rather than tomorrow morning, she was all for it. This enthusiasm would come at a bit of a cost though.

When she saw Dante, Lady, and you roll up together in Dante’s convertible, she could have died of ecstasy right then and there. She was already super into Lady and Dante, their ride, a fine piece of machinery which was always nice to see, and you looking like a snack in the back was almost too much. She had half a mind to pounce on you the moment the car was parked but she let you three have a goodbye moment. But then you were left alone with her, and she was all over you.

During her introduction she was looking you up and down, focusing in on your ears and tail. She couldn’t help herself, she reached out and started messing with them right away, partly because she was curious about how they worked, but she also just wanted to see if they were as soft as they looked. And when you made cute little noises and reactions, she just had fun messing with you.

Once she was done with that, she dragged you into her van to start showing you her little world. She quickly switched between explaining to you things she liked and asking you questions about yourself and your species. It was rather frantic and fast-paced but she was just so excited. And then it got more extreme.

Her original role was to pick you up the next morning, after you had spent the night at Devil May Cry, and drive you to Fortuna to meet your next set of family members. That plan had been thrown a little off, leaving her to decide what to do. She could book a hotel with what little money she had. She could make you sleep in the van. She could drive you to Fortuna now and bust into Nero’s place early. But then you showed a bit of interest in her van, its incredible feats, and what it would be like to ride or drive it, and Nico’s mind was set.

“You better hold on sugar because I’ma show you what this baby can do.”

It took 3 times as long to get to Fortuna than it should have. The two of you literally spent the rest of the night blazing down abandoned roads and through a few buildings. It was rather harrowing, especially when Nico plopped you into the driver's seat despite you having never driven any kind of vehicle in your life. Nico was there to guide you though. It was not exactly a good lesson in driving safety, but it was an adrenaline rush, to say the least. And through this, Nico got to see your wilder side emerge. It wasn’t simply you abandoning your colony’s teaching for a few hours, it was you abandoning your sense of logic and normality, something that would keep happening the more time you spent with this family. But for right now it was just you two, driving and talking the night away like nothing on earth could stop you.

#devil may cry x reader #devil may cry imagine #dante x reader #lady x reader #nico x reader

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memoirsofaseraph · 8 months

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Hey baby.

We watched Little Fish a few days ago, I needed to write about it for a few different reasons. I’m so glad we watched this together. So so so glad. I cried so much in front of this movie, and back then it used to be something that made me so sad — because I could see myself relating to it, in a way. I was losing the one I loved too. I remember watching this and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind some night in January, or early February, when we were going through some stuff. I was thinking of you so much while watching these movies, every little thing on the screen made me think of you and at the time, I felt just like the characters. I felt like I was going through the same thing as them, even though our story was very different. Having to forget someone I loved against my own will. Dealing with the fact that I had so many memories of you (and with you), even though they couldn't really mean anything anymore. It felt like such a waste. Building a foundation with someone for months, only for it to fall apart, and having to let go. When we watched it together, it was so different. The meaning itself became so different. I was no longer feeling my heart ache because I was losing you, or because I was having to deal with our relationship being over. This time, it kind of turned into a fear. I was no longer relating to it, I was fearing that this would happen to us eventually. And I wasn’t watching it while grieving what we had, this time it was really like, “Oh… that is my worst nightmare”. Being with you really made me think of life as something deeper. I used to be someone who was so careless, literally not caring about a thing or anyone. I was taking life as it is. Quite literally. With you, everything is so different. Everything makes sense and I want to keep this, keep us forever. The scariest thing to me would be to lose you, one way or another. I realized that life is really so short and every little moment matters. Because finding your person is so peaceful, right? Finally knowing where and with who you belong is the best feeling I’ve ever felt in my whole life and I want to preserve it forever. It’s also very scary. I find myself overthinking about it sometimes, like if something were to happen to you, or to me. Anything. I don’t know. I know it’s silly and I really hate this but it also makes sense, somehow? I’m the happiest girl ever since I’ve been with you. I love you, and you’re my favorite person in this entire universe. To think that this… that you could be taken away from me at any given time is the scariest thought. I don’t think about this very often, and I pray that you’ll always be okay, that we'll always be okay. I pray that we have so many more years to spend together, so many more decades. But watching Little Fish with you made me more aware of how unsure life really is, nothing is ever promised and no one is safe, unfortunately. Sorry, that was quite a depressing entry… But I needed to let these thoughts out. To remind you — and remind me as well — that you’re the love of my life, that our relationship is the most precious thing I have and that I want it to last forever. That I need to spend as much time as I can with you. It's the only thing that really matters to me, to give you my love until my life is over.

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vdlest · 3 years

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I'm home in your arms

Characters:

Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!Reader

Summary:

Bucky always comes to visit you, but this time, he asked you to come over to his place. Upon your arrival at his apartment, you found him sad and emotional.

Warning:

Fluff

When Bucky called you to ask you to come over to his place, you immediately felt something’s wrong with him. He would not ask you to come over in the first place if nothing’s wrong or bothering him. Otherwise, he’ll come to your place like he always does.

At times like this, you would understand why he wanted you to move in with him or he’ll move in with you. You two have been in a relationship for three years now, and secrets have no room between the two of you anymore. You are each other’s family. It’ll be much easier for both of you to comfort each other in times like this if only you are both living under the same roof. But you insisted to still live separately since you two still deserve a little privacy and you two planned to build your own house, and once that dream house is fulfilled, that's when you and Bucky will live together.

When you arrived at his apartment, you used the key which Bucky gave you to enter his place. You did not waste any more time looking for him in other parts of his place, you instantly knew where he is.

The door in his bedroom is slightly opened, you peeked first to see and confirm if he really is there.

You saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, both of his hands, the flesh one and the vibranium one, are on his head. He's looking down that's why you can't see his face, but you could already tell his sadness and his emotional self. You start to wonder what is happening to him and what made him feel this way. There's only one way to find out, so you entered his room. You went up straight in front of him, kneeling to announce your presence, but since your boyfriend is a super-soldier, he must've known your arrival already because of his super-hearing ability.

"Hey," you called him as you kneel in front of him, "What happened?" you asked.

Bucky lets out heavy breathing before he answers you, "I miss my family, y/n," his voice is breaking, and you could tell he's on the edge of crying.

You froze the moment his eyes meet yours.

His eyes are red and full of emotion, full of pain. It has been decades since the last time he saw his family, his parents, and his sister, he's a hundred years old man, but despite the years, he is still longing for them, still hoping that he would be able to talk to them and see them once again. But you know what hurts him the most, the fact that he wasn't there for his sister. His sister died and he didn't know about it because HYDRA erased every bit of his memories.

"I miss them," he sniffles.

"I know," your hands traveled to his nape, pulling him for a hug, which he obliged. He rested his head on your shoulder as his emotions finally show up, tears finally ran down his cheeks.

For the first minutes of your arrival in his apartment, you two remained in that position. You just sat down in front of him, while his head is buried on your shoulder. You didn't want to stop him from letting his emotions out, you thought it can help him ease the pain because the more you suppress your feelings from manifesting, the more pain you'll feel and you will not be free from it.

"Buck, you'll see them again at the right time, at the right place," you spoke, finally breaking the silence between the two of you, "But right now, you're here. You're here with us, with me. We need you here, I need you. I know no amount of words can make you feel better right now, and I know you'll always miss them, but it's alright, my love. It's normal to miss the people we lost but the very best thing to feel their love and presence even though they're gone is through their memories with us."

When your feet and knees start to numb because you've been in that position for so long, you cupped Bucky's face, making him pull away from your shoulder and meet your eyes.

"You want me to stay tonight?" you asked him.

He nodded, "Yeah."

"I figured," you kissed the tip of his nose before you stood up to remove your shoes and your jacket.

When you're left with your white v-neck shirt and your pants, you climbed up to his bed and lay down. Bucky did the same thing, he climbed up to his bed, but when he's about to pull you for a cuddle, you stopped him by grabbing his hand and you are the one who pulled him for a cuddle.

"Come here," you softly said as you pull him towards you.

You guided him on top of you, you rest his head on your chest as you wrapped your hand around his nape, giving it a caress. In that position, you could feel his heartbeat, you could feel his breathing, you could feel him.

"Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to leave my sister for war, maybe I could have a little more time with her," he uttered while resting on top of you, making you feel his vibrations. "I wish HYDRA didn't captured me. I wish I didn't became the Winter Soldier. I wish I lived a normal life."

Somehow, you felt sorry for him for not being able to join his sister in this cruel thing we called life. He should have been with his sister, but war and HYDRA made it so impossible for him to do that. But you knew that if he didn't go through all of that, he wouldn't find his way to you, the two of you wouldn't not be here. Your heart flinched a bit when you realized that Bucky wanted to live his normal life, and it means a life without you.

"Buck, you're also wishing that the two of us shouldn't meet at all."

Your words made him stood up from his position, he moved to your side as he meet your eyes, "No," he shook his head. His hand moved to your cheek, "I would never wish for such a thing. Your existence made me surpass all the odds, all the miseries I've been through. You are the only person that helps me to fight everything. So please, don't ever think that way."

"I know there's no way I could fill the longing and emptiness you feel in your heart because only your family could do that, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. I will do everything in my power to help you in any possible way because.." you caress his cheek and smiles at him, "...because that's how much I love you, Bucky."

He gave you a small smile, "I know, and I'm sorry for making you feel you're not enough reason for me to be happy in this new life I have," he leaned forward to kiss your forehead before he continues talking, "You're more than enough."

"There's something I also need to tell you, Buck," you said.

"What is it?" he asked, a bit frowning.

Before you received a call from him, asking you to come to his place, you're about to take a pregnancy test. You've been feeling sick for the past few weeks, you would throw up, feel dizzy, the food you used to like, you hate it now, and most of all, your period is delayed. You wanted to take the test first before you consult a doctor, but you weren't able to finish the test because you are worried about Bucky.

"Hey," he sensed that you're worried after you told him that you might be pregnant, "You don't have to be scared or worried. We will make this work, and if you're really pregnant, that'd make me the happiest man alive."

When you first had a hunch that you might be pregnant, you got scared initially. You got scared that you and Bucky might not be ready for a very serious situation like this one, but you knew in your heart you will keep the baby once you confirmed you are really pregnant. But now, after you heard Bucky's reaction, all your worries disappeared.

You cupped his face, "You know, maybe you weren't given the chance to be a brother to your sister, but I could tell, your sister wants you to be a good dad," you told him. "Thank you, Bucky. Thank you for not freaking out, and thank you for making me feel better," you added.

He shook his head, removing strands of hair blocking your face, "I should be the one thanking you, my love. You always give me a reason to be happy, to fight, and now you just gave me another one," his hand moved to your belly, "I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for choosing to go through life with me."

That night, you and Bucky ended up endlessly staring at a white rectangular-shaped gadget with two red lines on it.

In 9 months, both of you will be called parents.

Bucky might not be able to fulfill his obligations so his sister, you knew he would make it up to her by being the best dad he could be to your child. From then on, Bucky realized that he won't be able to turn back the time anymore, so he have to live in the present and make the world a better place for his child with you.

-v.dl

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel #bucky barnes fluff

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strangermarvelss · 3 years

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driver’s license- s.r

Pairing: Ex!Reader x Steve Rogers

Summary: He said forever now you drive alone past his street. Inspired by the song “driver’s license” by Olivia rodrigo.

Warnings: angst, heartbreak, asshole!Steve, cursing, Endgame spoilers (if that is still a warning), character death

Word Count: 1k words

A/N: long time no see! I have taken quite the hiatus from writing as I have been busy with college and work and honestly all kinds of things since 2018 but maybe I will get back into writing..we will see. Idk how I feel about this so please be kind :)

You didn’t see it coming. You weren’t prepared for what he had done. All you knew was that he had been acting a bit strange since the Time Heist, but there wasn’t much time in between when the Time Heist ended and Thanos destroying the compound occurred, so you didn’t have much time to question him or his actions. You wanted to go with the flow.

You watched him get on that pad in the middle of the woods, stones and Mjolnir in hand, waiting for him to be back in just the blink of an eye. What you weren’t prepared for was seeing him sitting on the bench a few yards away, aged about a few decades with a wedding ring on his finger. You weren’t prepared for him going back in time to be with Peggy.

He tried apologizing, saying he couldn’t help himself, that he felt so out of time, which only made you angry in the heat of the moment. He had been dating you since defeating Ultron, 8 years of a relationship thrown out the window all for some girl he barely even knew back in the 40’s. You spent 8 years of your life giving all of yourself to him, in every way and shape you had to give.

You wanted to scream at him. Ask him why he didn’t tell you sooner, why he let you waste 8 years of your life just to have your heart ripped out by him choosing Peggy over you. You wanted to scream and punch and act like a child because your emotions were telling you to do so, but all you could do was walk away, holding back rage as you let your tears flow.

Bucky tried to be there for you and help you through the pain, because you weren’t the only person Steve chose to leave behind in all this. You, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, all the Avengers, or what was left of them, he left all of them too.

He told you he’d love you forever.

He told you so many things while you were together. He loved you. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. He even talked about going to the courthouse and making everything official, but yet he went back in time to be with a woman he kissed once.

You get into your car and start the engine. You let the sounds of your old car fill your ears, waiting for your car’s heat to engulf you and keep you from the freezing New York weather. You buckle your seatbelt and pull out of the garage of your apartment building, off on your journey of the day.

You had quit the Avengers after what happened with Steve. Everything about upstate New York reminded you of him, especially since they rebuilt the compound and all the Avengers began training again. Being in the training room and doing the things you used to felt so unnatural, it felt wrong. Everyone understood, they didn’t ask questions, which you were grateful for.

The light quickly turns yellow, bringing you to a steady halt. Staring at the red light, you can’t help but think back on your relationship with Steve on this day. The way he held you when the weather was muggy like this, the way he made you laugh when you felt down. He made you feel like nothing bad could ever happen, even when the Snap occurred.

He was upset for a while, he missed Bucky, Sam, and Wanda. He was in shock over losing Vision for the longest time, thinking about how he deserved better, which he did. Steve would take comfort in you and Nat a lot, mainly because he was the closest with you two, from who was left that was.

You both did your best to move on as best as you could, at least so you thought. You would check up on Nat a few times a month after moving out of the compound, getting an apartment in Brooklyn because that was what he always wanted to do. You both did your best to be the happiest you could with the circumstances that had occurred.

When Scott came to the door of the compound that night, you were shocked to hear what he was proposing. You didn’t think time travel could’ve happened, it all sounded like something you would see in a movie, but then again, so would aliens coming out of a worm hole in New York City.

Part of you was thrilled to go back and get everyone back. You missed your friends and the people you had started to call family. You wanted them to be back and have the world be as normal as possible again. But you didn’t know all of that would cost you some of your closest friends. Or your soulmate.

Coming to a stop, you get out of your car, walking out of the parking lot as the rain started trickling down from the clouds. You sigh as you see a crowd of people lined up from the road, security blocking everyone but a few out. You give a half smile as you see the man who invited you here, not letting it reach your eyes.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Bucky said, pain evident in his voice.

You give him a hug, burying your face in his chest. You knew he would need someone like you to be there for him today, and in a way, he was there for you too.

You pull away from the hug and look down at the gravestone. Steve’s name stares back at you along with a quote that he said back before you met him in 2014. It doesn’t feel real, the fact that he is really gone. It feels like just yesterday the two of you were in bed, laughing and making love. It really is crazy how fast time goes by.

A tear rolls down your cheek as you continue to stare at the gravestone. First Vision, then Nat, followed by Tony, now Steve. Your family is slowly disappearing and on the inside, it is breaking you. All the people you have grown close to are leaving one by one, floating off into the wind with nothing but memories to remember them by.

“He loved you, ya know. Even after what happened…He still loved you,” Bucky told you, breaking you out of your trance.

“I know,” You told him, meeting his gaze. “Just not as much as he loved her.”

#Steve rogers #mcu #endgame #avengers #avengers endgame #steve rogers fanfiction #Steve rogers angst #Bucky barnes #Natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #Tony stark #thanos #ultron #infinity war #angst #heartbreak #drivers license #song fic

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0606-hyuck · 3 years

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a letter to my lover | lee jeno

♡ dear y/n, i’m writing you this letter in the hopes that it gets to you well. our relationship has been tumultuous, that’s for sure, and i thought it was high time i wrote you a letter detailing all the times you said "i love you" that are important to me.

genre: jeno x reader, fluff, mild angst, supernatural!jeno, angel!jeno

warnings: blood and violence, descriptions of injuries

word count: 1.9K

tagging: the lovely @roses-of-the-moon ♡ @mora134340 + @nct-writers

Dear my beloved Y/N,

The first time you said “I love you”, you had already saved my life.

I still remember the day you found me, as clear as the cloudless sky that loomed above us. You were taking a short walk through a hiking trail when we met; the stony path was surrounded by great trees, which you later informed me were pine native to the area. I still remember the look on your face when you found me: beaten, bloodied, and bruised, with my left ankle twisted in between two large roots that protruded from the dirt. You clearly couldn’t believe what you were seeing, if we’re going off of the double take you did - you later told me that you never imagined you would come across a half de-robed young man with feathery wings sticking out of his naked back.

When I realised you had spotted me, a billion thoughts were flying through my mind. Would you help me? Would you call the authorities to report what you’d just witnessed? Would you even believe what your eyes were showing you? From the moment we met, you knew I was not from this world - hell, the wings were a pretty big give away - but only hesitated for a second before you ran off the path to help me, to make sure there were no other walkers travelling the same track. It would be an understatement to claim I was in a wee bit of a predicament. Considering I was an angel who had just been chased from my world into yours, beaten, and left for dead, life wasn’t really going my way at this point. I was the divine being in this situation, but on that day you were the only angel in the forest.

Without batting a single eyelash, you rushed over to examine my wounds. The cuts were deep and painful, but ultimately not life-threatening. You mustered all your strength to pull back the roots that enclasped my broken ankle, and, after you had me leaning against you, you threw your jacket over my shoulders to conceal my wings, arguably the only in-tact part of me at this stage. You led me back down the path, and by some god-given miracle we hobbled to your parked car together without encountering another person on the track. You saved my life that day, no questions asked, and for that, Y/N, I will spend the rest of my life trying to pay you back.

The second time you said “I love you”, I had fallen for you.

The day you found me wounded in the forest, you had taken me back to your apartment where you lived alone. I remember thinking, even in my delirious loss-of-blood state, that your home was so dull and lifeless and there was no way any human could live here and be truly happy.

You spent the next few weeks virtually gaining a nurse’s certificate of practice with the amount of knowledge you were retaining in order to heal me. Taking me to a hospital was out of the question, given the wings, and so you resorted to healing my cuts, bruises, and bones from the comfort of your old single bed. I remember you were worried that you would end up mistreating a festering wound and I would die alone in your apartment while you were at your day job, but you really had nothing to worry about.

After six weeks, my body was completely healed, and the home-made splint you fastened around my leg had straightened the bone right out. Of course, I was left with a barely-noticeable limp, one you would only spot if you already knew I had one, but that was to be expected given how mangled it was when you found me.

The only thing your new-found medical skills were not able to heal was my broken heart. Granted, I didn’t expect you to. Facing the truth that I’d been exiled from the world I had called my home for my whole life by people who believed lies about my past, and having to leave behind friends and family that cared for me was something I was going to have to deal with at some point. It would take years for me to fully accept my new life, although you were there to support me every step of the way.

When I had physically healed, and informed you I had no idea how to get back home, we both realised the only option for us was to become obligatory roommates. I not only had the good luck of running into possibly the only human who unconditionally accepted what I was, but also one who was in dire need of socialisation and company, too.

We spent the next few weeks doing this thing you called ‘online shopping’ together, finding furniture and items to decorate our new, shared space with. After our packages had arrived, we found ourselves with a brighter, cosier place we were soon calling our home. And, for the first time since I’d met you, you seemed truly happy.

The third time you said “I love you”, I was giving up my life for you.

By this stage, three years had passed since you had first saved me. Our meeting in the forest felt like eons ago, and we had only grown closer since then. Our apartment had stayed more or less the same since we first decorated it - the only difference was we got rid of your musty single bed in exchange for a larger, softer queen-sized bed, which we spent many long nights together in. We referred to each other as ‘partners’, and we had shared so many feelings, thoughts, and memories together that I couldn’t ever imagine living in a world without you.

But that was the problem. You were a mere human and I an angel - there would be a time when you would pass and I would find myself alone in a world that was not my own. That’s when I made the decision - I would give up my immortality to live out the rest of my natural life with you. You tried to convince me not to, worried I was giving too much up for our relationship, but my mind was set. And so, my research began.

When I was a young boy in the celestial plane, I heard rumours about ancient beings who had the power to strip angels of their divinity, leaving them as mortal as any typical human, and cast them away into other worlds. If I could find one of these beings, I could ask them to rid me of my divinity too, and send me back to Earth. Well, that was the plan, anyway.

I have to give credit where credit is due, Y/N, once you realised I had made my decision, you did your best to help me find a way back home. The library in your town appeared seconds away from falling down, but contained numerous books about mythical creatures and local legends, and you always fetched the ones I needed when I asked.

I spent months upon months scouring every book and online resource I could find that was even remotely related to angels and the celestial plane. Long nights were consumed by skim reading hundreds of pages of decades old writings, but we eventually found something promising.

Since I was still technically an angel, I retained some of my powers which were vital for me to be able to travel back home. I still remember the last time you held me before I left. You buried your head into my shoulder and left a massive tear stain on my yellow jersey, and you wouldn’t let me go for a solid five minutes. You said you loved me, and I said it back. I had told you I loved you numerous times before this, but this time it was different.

The ritual I was about to perform was dodgy, at best, and even if I did make it to the celestial plane there was no guarantee I would be able to return. When you held me tight, all that was running through my head was the last few years we’d spent together, the happiest years of my whole life. I couldn’t ever imagine living without you, but that was a reality I was facing - for all we knew, this was the last time we would see each other.

The last time you said “I love you” was yesterday.

You were running late, I had cooked dinner and was waiting for you to arrive, so I phoned you to ask when you would be coming home. You said you were stuck in traffic, which was typical for this new, big city we had moved to, and before you ended the call you told me you loved me.

Since I had left to terminate my status as an angel, I had managed to successfully convince the divine beings that I had no use for my immortality, and return home to you. Shifting through the worlds was costly on my mind and body, but when I came home and saw the look of pure relief and tears on your face at my safety, it was all worth it.

Now that I was a regular human and no longer had five-foot long wings sprouting from my back, I could go out in public for the first time in years. The first place you took me was your parents house, where after all these years you could finally introduce me as your boyfriend. Your parents were so lovely, and after we visited them we went to the beach. I’d never seen one before and didn’t know how to swim because we had nothing like this where I was from, but it was one of the best days of my life.

That was almost a year ago now. I didn’t get to tell you I loved you this morning since I had to leave for work so early, but that was common. My new job as a teacher meant we could afford to move out of our one bedroom apartment to the bright lights of the big city, and finally settle down in our new life together. It seems so long ago since you first said “I love you”, and truthfully, it is, but my love for you has only grown with years gone by.

I’m writing this letter for you because I don’t think I can verbally explain how much you mean to me. No part of me doubts the fact I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for you stumbling across me all those years ago. I’m on my break at work as I’m writing this letter, and I can’t help but feel like my pocket is a little too heavy. I picked out an engagement ring for you last week, and I plan to give it to you right after I give you this letter.

No matter how many times I tell you, my words will not be able to convey just how much I love you - but hopefully this ring will.

Yours, forever and always,

Jeno ♡

#neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct-writers #dreamwritersnet #nct #nct dream #jeno #lee jeno #nct jeno #jeno nct #jeno nct dream #jeno x reader #jeno imagine #jeno scenario #supernatural nct

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out-there-so-it-isnt-just-me · 3 years

Text

Hey guys...I have an idea if you aren't sad enough yet. I was struck by a painful comparison sort of crossover idea. It would never be canon, but I'm mourning the end of Campaign Two, and I want to be sad and over-dramatic. Essek, but as Eliza from Hamilton in “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story.” But, it’s for the entire Mighty Nien. Some of the lyrics are so on point for a poor Essek who will probably outlive all of his friends (Elves still generally live longer than Firbolgs by a good 200 years). Anyway, enjoy.

Every other founding father's story gets told

It occurs to Essek, during one of the many periods without one of the Mighty Nein (the time that he dwells on them the most), how unfair their whole situation is. They saved all of Exandria, and no one knows. They are amazing, and odd, and frustrating, and no one knows. They will die loved deeply, but not widely. He knows they prefer it that way, all things considered. But, everyone else who saves all of Exandria becomes legends, while the people he loves best will be forgotten, remembered only by him.

And that. That sounds unbearable.

So, in-between the times he sees the Mighty Nein, he begins to gather accounts. He writes down stories from those they helped, or simply left an impression on. The people who have met the Mighty Nein have an air about them that he gets good at detecting. They attracted the oddballs and the outcasts. And if they're entirely normal (whatever that means), then they usually get a certain twitch if you ask for stories about interesting strangers. About half the time, a certain blue tiefling pops up in them. He almost has a heart attack when he hears “go fuck yourself,” in Jester’s cheerful voice, when he knows Jester isn’t anywhere near there. He ends up getting the kenku’s story, and the voices of his friends are weaved into it. Essek thinks the Mighty Nein are the best people in the world, in their own rambunctious way. Part of him wants the world to love them as he does, or at least have the option to. Everyone should have a chance to get to know them, even if it's just through tales. The world would be a better place for it.

...And when you're gone, who remembers your name?

Who keeps your flame?

Who tells your story?

Once there is only him and Caduceus left, this becomes a more prominent part of how he spends his time. After...after a long, long period of mourning. He has so much life left to live without most of the people who made it worth living.

I put myself back in the narrative

I stop wasting time on tears

I live another 50(0) years

He stops hiding his past and bears his sins and his story to the world. Essek tells his story so their story can be appreciated to the fullest; his part in their story emphasizes the depth of their compassion and chaos. He tells his story, but not as himself. Essek continues to drift from town to town under a vast number of aliases. Everywhere he goes, he spreads his stories of his friends, some serious, most silly. He disguises himself so he can stay alive to do a little more good, tell a few more stories, to truly live the life his friends wanted for him.

...I try to make sense of your thousands of pages of writings

You really do write like you're running out of time.

Eventually, he gets his hands on some of Beau’s journals, Jester’s diaries, and Caleb’s research. Well, he always had the research, but he gets to the point where he can share it with the world. He slowly begins to share and explain their thoughts and personalities with excerpts from those. Maybe he also has letters that he shares parts of (though most of those, those words specifically for him, he keeps to himself, for himself). He wonders if they'd be angry at him for spilling their private thoughts. But neither Beau nor Jester filtered their thoughts very much in the first place, and he keeps anything truly painful out of the public eye. Caleb, well, Caleb was always about sharing his knowledge and research, provided it wasn't dangerous. And they were all dead anyway. One of the last things they told him was to be happy. And talking about his friends, learning more about his friends even after they were long dead, that made him the happiest he'd been in a while. So he hoped they wouldn’t begrudge him this small joy he’d managed to grasp and forgive him, should it be necessary.

I rely on Angelica

While she's alive, we tell your story

She is buried in Trinity Church near you

When I needed her most, she was right on time

Caduceus isn’t particularly interested in being well known or famous, but he never shies away from telling a story about any of his friends. Plus, he thinks it’s a good project for Essek. It's a way to continue to show his love for them and keep them alive in the only way they can be now. When Caduceus eventually passes away, he joins the eight other graves (Veth refused to be buried apart from Yeza) that lay in a tucked-away corner of the Blooming Grove. There is one space left, nestled between where Caleb and Jester lay, but it will be empty for a long time yet.

And I'm still not through

I ask myself, what would you do if you had more time...

...You could have done so much more if you only had time

And when my time is up, have I done enough?

Will they tell your story?

He keeps adding to his tale; he stretches it longer and longer with every shred he can remember. But, even his memory, as long as it is, runs out eventually. And their story finally ends, but he doesn't. He throws himself into activities that remind him of them. He does a lot of gardening ( mostly tea, poisonous plants, and flowers). He teaches children some rudimentary dunamancy in his spare time, for Caleb. He messes around with alchemy a little. Eventually, he publishes the last of the research that he and Caleb worked on together; ones that took him decades to solve by himself. He even finds himself drawing a surprising amount of dicks on random surfaces near the very end.

Oh, can I show you what I'm proudest of?

...I help to raise hundreds of children

I get to see them growing up

The time that doesn’t go towards his now worrying amount of hobbies, he spends doing what he has done since the beginning: caring for the Mighty Nien’s true legacy. He looks after and visits their children. He takes care of descendants of Luc, of Jester and Fjord, of the random teenager that Beau and Yasha seemed to adopt completely on accident, of TJ, of the Clays, and of a lovechild of Kingsley’s that found out who his father was and then somehow found Essek himself to learn about him. In an embarrassing show of sentimentality, Essek always keeps at least one offspring of Caleb's very first cat. There is a very funny story about Caleb thinking the animal was spayed when it was, in fact, not. He visits the different generations every couple of years or so (he has a schedule). The drow makes sure they know the stories of their ancestors, the adventures of the Mighty Nien; he tells them it's all real. He gives them ways to contact him if they’re in danger, or need any kind of help really ( he has funds to spare at this point). Every once in a while, a few of them will get it in their heads to write him yearly updates. It’s nice.

In their eyes, I see you, Alexander

I see you every time

And when my time is up

Have I done enough?

Will they tell your story?

It is strange and painful to see the attitude and mannerisms of the Nein in the descendants who have never met them. It is wonderful too. His stories of the Mighty Nein have become well-known tales that no one can decide how much is truth and how much is fiction (it’s true, it’s all somehow, hilariously true). He preserved them in his own way, in the right way (time travel is something he thinks of with a growing hunger the more years pass between when he last laid eyes on his friends). But in these men, these women, these children, they are truly alive.

One little half-orc girl has Jester’s mischievous eyes and infectious joy. Another halfling man squints just like Veth when she's trying to figure out if someone is bullshitting her. There’s a boy who charmingly bumbles his way through most social encounters, as Fjord did. A firbolg woman who has Caduceus gentle smile. A tiefling girl with all the audacious bravado of Kingsley. A man with eyes just as piercing as Beau’s, and a tongue just as sharp. Even Yasha’s kind and gentle demeanor somehow shines through in one small boy, despite her having no direct descendants. He gets to see these flashes of his friends in those who survive them, and it thrills him as much as it cuts him. (Sometimes, when the current cat has ruined some item of his, the pleased look it wears resembles the quiet glee Caleb exuded after he pulled a successful prank, but he’s pretty sure that’s just fanciful thinking.)

One of the last things Essek does before he dies is fully publish, in print, the entire tale of the Mighty Nein. How they came together, every person they helped along the way. The love, the loss, the kindness, the chaos, every moment he could recall or record was put into this one account (necessarily stretched out into several separate books). There is only one set, and he hands it over to the Library of the Cobalt Soul in Rexxentrum. Then he goes on his lonely way.

Oh, I can't wait to see you again

It's only a matter of time

There are now ten graves, each one as unique as its owner, nestled in a small corner of the Blooming Grove. One grave has the dirt still fresh around it. And somewhere, beyond the Divine Gate, there are cheers and laughs and cries of joy as the Mighty Nien become the Mighty Nine once more.

fin.

It’s my head-canon that by the time Essek dies he’s practically a mythical figure among the select families he looks after. It's to the point that in certain locations ( that have a lot of Nein remnants) he becomes a local legend, the guardian angel of nien (no spelling specified and with no real distinction of what that means), with skin like the night sky who drifts (literally) through towns and helps those who meet a certain requirement, unknown to the general populus. There are rumors that certain people have bestowed upon them a token they could use to call upon the angel’s aid. Of course, the people who have the tokens (sending stones or something similar. IDK how he would get that many wondrous items, but I focus on satisfying narrative not, like, plausibility) know Essek and know that he has died and that the tokens no longer work, but for a while they keep them as heirlooms, to show the love of one drow wizard for the friends he had long, long ago. Eventually, one of Veth’s descendants sells off their set because sending stones are worth A LOT, and the money seemed more practical. They have their stories; those are enough.

And before anyone complains about the Kingsley bit, I felt compelled to add a smidgen of Kingsley content because Essek loves Jester and Jester’s with Fjord and Kingsley is with both of them for years. I’m sure they get to know each other well enough that seeing traits of Kingsley is vaguely nostalgic and warming, even if it lacks the depth and love he feels for everyone else. Also, there’s no convincing me that Molly/Kingsley doesn’t have at least one illegitimate child running around from various trysts, he was basically the Scanlan of this campaign. It goes with the hedonistic vibe he gives off.

Also, is it normal that I completely designed the Nein’s burial site in my head because I did? Like I imagine they’re all spaced out in a circle. It’s almost like a stone gazebo but there’s not really a roof; it’s just a group of nine pillars that support a stone circle. The entrance is the Traveler’s door with dicks around the edge, and each of the nine pillars/supports is designed to look the knowing mistresses staff. The stone circle is covered in carvings of storm clouds and lightning. Wires are strung across the center of the stone circle to form the symbol of the Cobalt Soul. Not that you can see the wires, because vines have been grown all around them. Once you step through the Traveler’s gate, you’ll find yourself on some kind of rough mosaic floor, with depictions of a peacock, a pyramid, a snake, a sun, a moon, and (oddly) a pirate ship. The mosaic is made up of buttons of various materials and shapes. In the center is a saltwater pool/spring (depending on how magical we can get idk) and floating above it is an eternal flame encased in some sort of dunamancy magic that doesn’t actually exist that keeps it floating and eternal. Look I'm running out of ideas.

I can’t imagine what everyone’s grave marker would be, but I’m pretty sure Yasha’s is a simple stone that says "YASHA NYDOORIN: wife of Zuella and Beauregard Lionette," and the place where’s she’s buried is just covered in wildflowers that spread outside of the gazebo to encircle the structure entirely up to the gate. Also, everyone has a stone tarot card by their grave with the picture and designation that Molly gave them. Beyond that grows a weirdly dense thicket of trees and bushes that make finding the Nein's resting place rather hard. It’s said only the descendants of the Nein’s family or those favored by the Wildmother (or Traveler, Or Ioun, or Storm Lord) can find their way to them. And one tree, directly behind Yasha, is dead, struck by lightning who knows how long ago.

And they’re buried in this order: Yeza/Veth, Caleb, Essek, Jester, Ford, Kingsley, Yasha, Beau, Cad. I know there’s a good chance that a) Kingsley would just eff off and die somewhere unknown and b) Cad would probably want to be buried with the rest of his family, but shhh let me dream.

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the-ghost-king · 3 years

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time for me to share a good™️ headcanon: will and nico love to steal each other’s clothes but their massive size difference makes it so obvious that they’re doing it. nico’s shirts are almost croptops on will and will’s sweaters are practically a dress on nico bc will is like 6’2 and nico’s like 5’5

Anon! Anon! Yes, you. You get it.

I don’t really know what you wanted as a response to this but I felt inspired for the first time in some 10 months so I gifted you a one shot below the “read more”. I’ll also upload it to Ao3 with a link in the notes...

Anyhow Anon, I hope you enjoy it! I got a little off topic but reflective fluff is always good!

If you would have asked Will what he wanted out of life as a kid you probably would have gotten an answer that was something like “a chance to actually go and live life as it was meant to be” or maybe “to be happy, pretty, and stupid”.

He didn’t dare to hope for more, demigods didn’t live long lives, and being involved in a major battle at thirteen didn’t do wonders in regards to establishing confidence in your survival. As for the “pretty and stupid” part of his answer, it wasn’t that Will had ever hated being smart, he just hated the disconnect different intelligence levels caused in peer groups and society; being smart was hard, sure for school purposes it was nice, but that intelligence means you’re constantly thinking and so often so much of the world seems so dull and petty. Will had been lucky enough to be blessed with decent looks, moving through the world was made easy in at least that regard, but he wished he could live without thinking so much because so often he could only see so much awful in the world.

Thirteen year old Will wouldn’t have dared hope for anything more, he wouldn’t have dared hope for anything else more than a decade or so of normal life beyond camp and a chance at an easy life for those few years. When fourteen year old Will got a depression diagnosis he wouldn’t say he was surprised, he would have been annoyed but he hadn’t really felt much of anything in years. (”Atypical depression” The doctor had said, “likely clinical”) A few different types of anti-depressants and a few months of therapy things started feeling okay, better at least. Fifteen came and went, he tried to go off the pills and didn’t quite get there, but his dose got lowered which Will supposed was nice.

In the months of early 16, Nico di Angelo stumbles into his life; exhausted and melting under the pressure of the universe, he makes friends with death. It isn’t much, but Will remembers him from when they were kids back before any major fights. He remembers hearing about Nico running off and he felt bad for not having made a continued effort to get to know him. He felt bad when he left after the Battle of Manhattan too, they’d prepped bodies for their departure together and Will had gotten hung up in the infirmary (he had been one of the last Apollo campers and he was the only one with medical training). In some ways, Will supposed he was making up for those lost years when he didn’t have time to befriend Nico as he would have liked, it made him feel like he was at least trying.

In the beginning things were undeniably rocky, Nico was constantly hooked to machines just so Will could guarantee he wouldn’t die overnight. Even on Nico’s first night in the infirmary he had struggles with sleep, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and after trying a large variety of options Will had hauled Nico and all of his equipment out to the porch on the back of the infirmary and they slept there for those three days (which turned into two weeks), wrapped up in jackets and in a pile of blankets beneath camp’s fall skies.

Within a few months, they fell in love.

Okay listen, people can call Will ridiculous all they want- but love at first sight is real and he experienced it. He didn’t know it but the day he met Nico and looked into the dark browns of his eyes, he thought something about how his eyes looked like ash from the fireplace at Mama’s house, or how they looked like the soil that his windowsill plants grew from. If you would have asked Will what he thought of Nico the very first time they’d met, he would have told you something about how his eyes were “big, dark, and round like a baby cow”. What Will really meant is that Nico reminded him of the family ranch house he grew up in, he meant he looked like home.

At the time Will just hadn’t known that was what love felt like, but when he figured it out one day teaching Nico how to play Hold ‘em on the back porch of the infirmary with a light breeze and setting sun as they settles down for bed; he knew one thing, he didn’t want anything more than to make Nico happy and he hoped that he could be a part of that more than anything.

It took a little longer for Nico to come around, he had his own demons to battle. Internalized homophobia, even in small doses, is a real downer to say the least, let alone when you’re fighting demons you’ve manifested for some 15 years. The biggest struggle however, was probably in all honesty the fact that Nico was so goddamned oblivious. After spending years alone with limited human contact at best, and having spent so many years desperately wanting Percy to notice him, and being met with negative reactions, Nico didn’t know what love looked like anymore. How had he been supposed to know he was in love with Will?

There was a lot of subtle back and forth, would the other even be interested in a guy? It ended one day with an unplanned kiss followed by a declaration. Will called it the best mistake he ever made, neither of them really thought it was a mistake.

It was days like today that only proved that.

Will had woken up to Nico’s face on a pillow next to him. He’d fallen asleep with his hair pulled back in a ponytail, and some of his smaller hairs had fallen loose in the night and now framed his peaceful face. The first rays of golden sunlight fell through accidentally left open curtains, and Will reached out to brush a stray piece of dark hair and place it behind Nico’s ear.

He woke up to a morning more beautiful than he would have ever hoped for at 13, and he would always be glad for that. He would always be grateful for how far he had come in not quite a decade. At just twenty-two he was 4 years into medical school, and three years married to Nico and he truly believed he was one of the happiest men in the world simply because he made Nico happy.

In time, Nico too would wake up.

First with a huff, and then a grumbling noise of annoyance as he rubbed his face with his arm as though trying to block out light before half-asleep Nico seemed to accept his fate and wake up fully.

“Good morning”

“How long have you been up?”

“Awhile”

Nico made a knowledgeable humming sound, perhaps he was just acknowledging Will’s response or perhaps he was saying ‘of course’.

A few kisses, a short conversation, and a couple of “I love you”’s later, they got out of bed.

Nico's was wearing Will's high school hoodie that was a bit too short on Will anymore like it was a dress on him. The hoodie went down to Nico’s knees, he's got his own black shorts on because Will's just fall off unless he ties them really really tight. He's got black socks pulled up almost to his knees, there’s a little gap between the end of Nico’s shorts and the start of his socks. The hoodie goes down an inch or two past his short pockets, and he goes outside to grab the mail with a pair of unlaced combat boots on his feet. He's got his skull ring on his middle finger of his right hand, and his left hand holds a simple wedding band which glint in the light as he opens the front door. His hair is pulled up into a messy ponytail, some of it is up some of it is down, there's tons of flyaway hairs which frame his face since he hasn’t fixed it sense getting out of bed.

Call it a cliché, but Nico looks like Heaven personified without even trying.

Sure, everyone looks nice in a suit or a dress, but how many people can roll out of bed without doing their hair wearing a decade old hoodie and look like they belong in a magazine spread?

Will is wearing one of Nico's looser shirts, on Nico it comes down past his hips and a little onto his thighs, on Will is he so much as lifts his arms a centimeter it reveals his hip bones. He doesn’t really mind, he kind of likes it to be entirely honest. Will can remember being just a few inches shorter than he is now and fitting fairly comfortably in Nico’s clothes at the time, they had never worried whose clothes they grabbed back then. Nico had finished his growth spirt and Will had thought he was done only two inches taller, it didn’t matter whose clothes were whose because everything fit well enough.

That wasn't quite the case now, Nico had stayed at his casual 5"5 while Will had shot up and extra six inches to 6"2 and ruined his own chances of sharing clothes. Such as right now he was sure he was wearing his own sweats, because he had specifically had to get a pair last night despite Nico's having been more accessible. Anytime he's actually managed to get a pair of Nico's pants comfortably on in the last few years, result in him wearing pants that are more like compression shorts or capris than pants.

Will was just happy he could wear some of Nico's larger shirts and hoodies still, the fact that Nico preferred to sleep in lots of clothes and typically baggy clothes meant Will had some options when it came to wearing his husbands stuff.

Will has also managed to steal a pair of Nico's socks, they're a taller pair on Nico (he buys winter wear so often because he's cold always) but on Will they gather a little awkwardly around his ankle. Will doesn't usually wear socks but they had gone to bed without the heat on and apparently the cold had set in over night and you could definitely feel it on their apartment floors.

The clothes would be a bit stretched out from him, it was something Will can remember being worried about after his second growth spurt, but Nico doesn't mind, He's assured Will of this time and time again, he says something about "aesthetic" and "alternative". Will doesn't really know, he's never cared much for fashion but he'll take Nico's word on it.

The truth, although it's something Nico would only admit in their bed late at night when it was so dark you could barely see his face, and arguably a little drunk as well, was that he actually enjoyed the way the clothes fit better after Will wore them. He found some sort of comfort in the way the shoulders of his shirts would be just a little too wide on him, it was one of those small acts of love, it wasn't one Will entirely understood but both of them got their own sort of enjoyment out of Will stretching out Nico's sleeping clothes some so they went with it.

Will turns his attention from Nico walking out the door to the coffee pot on the countertop.

Will doesn't like coffee much, he likes the social aspect of getting a cup more. Nico had introduced him to it, he’d been drinking it for years by the time they’d left camp. It reminded him of home and he grew to like it for such reasons, and although Nico would consume just about anything with enough caffeine in it Will needed creamer to enjoy coffee to any amount.

They were both honestly probably more tea people, but they never seemed to remember to buy any. Will will try to remember to write it down on the grocery list later, but Nico has walked back into the kitchen, climbed up on the counter next to Will and now he is looking at him; and Nico is always a distraction that's worthy of taking, Will will definitely forget to write down tea for their grocery list and the week will start over with more coffee in the house and no tea.

Nico’s fingers grip the countertop and he swings his legs a little bit back and forth from where he sits on the black granite, his white gold rings set against the counter in contrast. Will's worn out blue hoodie looks grey with age, the little printed letters are cracked and peeling on the back of it, his last name can still be read in white though.

Will knows the cliché about your lover wearing your name is often unhealthy and overly possessive, but he likes seeing Nico with his name because it feels like a gift. It’s like he’s given Nico a part of himself and Nico accepted it with pride, and Will loves that, he loves him and Nico being little pieces of each other.

Nico is smiling at him, and leans just so, Will turns in acknowledgment of the gesture, and moves so he’s standing to the left of Nico. Nico crosses his legs at the ankle and leans towards Will laying his head against Will where his neck and shoulder meet. Will leans forward and buries his face into Nico’s hair, comfortable and a little sleepy still.

"Coffee?"

"Mhmm."

"Good."

Will isn't the best cook, for fucks sake he's not even someone who could be considered a good cook, but he can handle this. Nico taught him the basics when they were still living at camp, Will failed every time, he ended up going home for a short period for Christmas break and begging his mom "teach me how to make eggs" he left off the bit about impressing Nico but he knows she knew. When he came back Nico had just smiled at him, "you practiced huh?"

Will hadn't gotten better at making much else, some eggs, toast, coffee and he could boil water now too! He had burnt lots of stuff over the years, plastic containers in the microwave, a plastic ladle they had on the stove top, at least 100 failed attempts at grilled cheese. Will was honestly just happy he hadn’t blown up any microwaves since he was a kid...

Nico had come home to many of Will's failed attempts at making him various things, sometimes the food was underdone other times it was bits of inedible char. Will did try, he really did, but the heat was always too high or he would end up distracted, or he would use sugar on accident instead of salt. Will did actually try, but his best attempts still often left something to be desired, so he often was the one doing dishes.

Most notably one time Nico had come home to him attempting to pan-frying some fish.

It had been supposed to be a surprise, it was Nico's birthday, and Will had had the day off of class even though Nico hadn't. He figured he would have surprised him; it had been back in their first apartment, not quite as nice as this one. A cheap tiled cream counter top that Nico had literally cringed at when seeing it the first time, the cabinets had somehow been cheaper than a set from IKEA and it had become an inside joke to them.

He had walked in the apartment to see smoke coming off the pan with a bit of flame still coming off it, and a large piece of charred fish stuck to the bottom of one of their frying pans.

"Hey dumbass, what did you do in here?"

People thought they were an odd couple, Will could see that. The whole parallel people drew between light and dark and optimism and pessimism and such between them, none of those people were really correct though. Will and Nico were more similar than they were different. At the end of the day it didn’t really matter what people said, Will liked Nico, he loved him in all honesty- he'd never heard the word "dumbass" said with so much affection.

Nico was hard for most people to read, years along had left him struggling emotionally in some manner; he did his best to hide most of his emotions, cloak them so heavily that sometimes they were even unrecognizable to Nico himself.

The most obvious example of this in regards to Nico was how "shut up" often meant "I love you", "idiot" was synonymous with "darling" in some ways. Don't get Will wrong, Nico could be very affectionate, but pet names came with hesitation for him in the early days; Should he use Venetian, Italian, or English? Masculine words that were romantic had been hard for him to say as well... But everyday he grew and got better, and Will was proud of him every time he called Will “dear” and didn’t hesitate before or after.

Nico had started masking his emotions at some point during his time at Westover, whatever he had done there hadn’t been much more than how much the average person masked their feelings, but when he started training with Minos Nico had doubled down on keeping his emotions secretive. Minos hadn’t been kind or safe in any sense of the word, emotions were what he used to manipulate Nico all that time, it was no wonder Nico developed such a strong sense of apathy towards anything overtime.

Nico could be affectionate, he could be the most loving person to ever exist. Nico’s emotions were sort of like secrets, if you stayed awake late enough into the night you would only come to know him then, such was the nature of him. He often whispered so quietly his wants and needs into the dark, there was some sense of fear tied to Nico’s vulnerability and he handed off his worries each night to the stars soft glow. Nico often refused to talk openly during the day, but at night apologies and truth always came, he had known what he had wanted earlier he had simply been to afraid of the rejection to acknowledge it, Will is glad that with the years the worst of such things is over; it is unlikely to be something Nico will ever fully grow out of, such is the nature of humanity, but progress is a virtue.

Such times not only resulted in Nico’s acknowledgement of his wants and faults, but also garnered the most affection from Nico. Nico couldn’t always communicate in an effective manner verbally, which was still a process they were working on, but he did his best. Nico’s act of love was like that of a small bird, he gave you small things that seemed insignificant until you realized he had only ever told you such things. Will fell in love with him for it, it wasn’t just about the way he would describe the wallpaper in his childhood bedroom, it was the fact that nobody knew anything else about Nico’s childhood bedroom.

Will had never truly understood the concept of “touch starved” until he met Nico, he had known the definition sure, but he had never truly witnessed it. Nico never asked for touch, but it was the way he leaned into it, the way he sought it out; pressing up against Will’s hand like a cat stretching trying to get a little more contact somehow, trying to make the touch last just a bit longer so he could savor it properly. It was literally starving in some manner, starving for contact that wasn’t a goodbye or a hit, just for wordless contact. When he grew comfortable he gave affection fully, there was a joy in holding Nico’s hand, knowing that he felt safe enough not to worry about the effect a few extra seconds of prepping for a fight that holding hands would add.

Nico didn’t show affection in big ways, and that was more than okay with Will; they were laid back in comparison to most, he’d have sought the comfort of placing soap bubbles on each others head in the tub a hundred times over a night on the town. Nico’s affection was something quiet and almost secretive, unknown to anyone it wasn’t directed at; it was the way he would lead Will out of a room to kiss him, or the quiet way he whispered “I love you” into Will’s ear when in public.

Will supposes in the early days “shut up” became “I love you” in order to avoid being seen as weak in some manner, in order to avoid acknowledging what he really wanted to say and having Will not respond in kind. Will didn't mind, they weren't an overly affectionate pairing- banter was common, almost everything they did was turned into some sort of game, the term "boys will be boys" definitely applied to their relationship of 3am pillow fights, late night discussions about what order the Christmas ornaments had to go up on the tree in, and whenever they wrote thesis papers for living room debates over the best Disney villain.

Will honestly preferred it that way, he preferred having the little moments reserved for solely them. He preferred the aversion to sappy clichés, the way a lover could say your name with exasperation and a smile that meant the whole world. He had seen what some other couples had, quick kisses in lines at cafes, holding hands across the table, and calling each other pet names they’d made up that were somehow ten times worse than the original- and Will didn’t want that.

It wasn’t that what those couples had wasn’t love, it just wasn’t love in a way Will could understand, it wasn’t love Will felt from those sort of exchanges. He didn’t understand the idea of “butterflies in your stomach”, love wasn’t nerves, love was like coming home after a long day, love was the way someone could say your name like it was divine, love was the way someone would smirk at you when you were missing the point, love was not being afraid to cry in front of them, it was knowing you could show up to them with any problem and instead of leaving you they would research the ins and outs of it in all their entirety.

The coffee maker makes a sound, Nico lifts his head of off Will’s body and the deep browns of his eyes are like the freshly turned dirt of fields in planting season, and Will feels like there’s a garden growing in his chest that Nico feeds. Nico sits straight on the counter and pulls his legs up and sits cross legged on the counter as he pulls out his hairband, and runs his fingers through his hair before pulling it back up without all the flyaways.

Will moves towards the coffee machine, pours it into two cups, and sets one on the counter beside Nico before making his way to the fridge to grab creamer. Nico’s watching him right now, but there’s no need for talking; there will be talking in a minute. Talking about Will’s schedule for the week, talk of whatever project Nico is working on right now, talk of what they should do for dinner the rest of the week, little sweet nothings, and eventually they’ll make their way to the couch to watch some tv and maybe later in the day they’ll play some sort of game or something as well.

So yeah, maybe "light" and "dark" were polar opposites and some people would have walked out on the word dumbass rather than immediately loving it, but Will liked it- everyday was a game of sorts, a new adventure, all with Nico who he loved. Coming home from work wasn’t necessarily about the place Will lived but knowing Nico would be there for him to see was the point of going home, home was wherever Nico was and some small part of Will hoped eternity was real in some manner.

Will remembered when Michael had died thinking nothing could possibly get worse, and in some ways he was kind of right; he had ended up with some sort of demigod style fairy tale ending with the man he loved, and that was ten times better than anything fifteen year old Will would have hoped for.

#solangelo #Nico di angelo #Will solace #pjo #hoo

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writingsfromhome · 3 years

Text

Bad Timing I(.5)

A/N: This is the sort of backstory to Harry and you, I think it can be read on its own if you want, or before you read the first part too. It’s angsty af, but it has some death and sensitive topics jsyk. I tried to keep it concise but it got a little wordy as angst does. xx

Part 1

-------------------------------------------------

About 12 Years Ago:

“So are you coming to that party or not?” My roommate asks. She was one of the first people I’d met last year when we started uni and even though we came from different backgrounds we remained friends over the last year, even choosing to room together again. She got me to open up and find the extroverted part of me that was able to enjoy uni outside of academics.

“Ugh, I’m volunteering for the voting booths for the rest of the week. Maybe if I can make it?”

“You’re actually doing that?” She scrunches her nose. “I don’t get it. You’re just way too nerdy to be my friend.”

“And yet you loove me,” I squeeze her against me and she laughs. “It’s my mom, she said I had to do at least one extracurricular so I could meet friends this year.”

“You already have friends,” she points to herself, and with her came her group of friends that’d quickly taken me in last year.

And my mom doesn’t like that I hang out with you, I think. She thought we partied too much even though my grades stayed decent. “She wants me to have nerdy friends too, I dunno. They’re helping me pay my tuition until I get a job so I kinda have to play nice.”

“Parents suck,” my roommate flicks through her closet. I agreed, this was just something I would get through to get through. Then they would leave me alone for the rest of the year.

Little did I know the person they’d partner me with at my polling station was someone who would be in my life for the next decade.

“I’m Harry by the way,” he’d said after we received our orientation and assigned the building we were going to babysit the votes in. “Second year.”

“Me too! I’m Y/N. What’s your major? I’ve never seen you around.”

“Law--well I haven’t decided if it’s law but that’s what I’m in right now.”

“Really? Law?” I was openly judging, he just didn’t seem the law type.

“Well what are you in?” He demands.

“Business,” I cringe.

“Really? Business?” He has a cheeky smile on, one that would become familiar to me.

“Well, you just don’t seem like the law type. They’re usually more uptight, dress way too smart for me.”

“I know, it’s like, we’re not even in the courtroom yet,” he joins in and it makes me laugh--how he could poke fun at his own people. That’s when I knew we would get along fine, and I actually looked forward to the next few days getting to know him better.

“I’m definitely telling my mum about you, she’s been begging me to make friends outside of my circle. I’ll tell her I’m friends with a law student.”

“So we’re friends already?” We’d reached our booth and began setting up the partitions. He takes over when I set it up wrong.

“Obviously,” I say. “I actually like you which means you’ll have a hard time getting rid of me.”

“I’m alright with that,” he grins and I notice the laugh lines that are brought to life as he does. It somehow made him seem more genuinely.

We spend the rest of the time swapping stories, classes, rants. We check student IDs and hand out voting cards in between but it doesn’t feel like a drag anymore. At the end of the day, I invite him to the party my roommate was going to with our friends. If he was going, maybe I would too. He seemed like he might be fun at a party.

“Er,” he suddenly seems nervous. “I’ll have to ask my girlfriend, she wanted to hang out tonight.”

“Well bring her too!” I say excitedly. “Is she law as well?”

“No, she’s in the arts.”

“I like her already,” I push. “Bring her, my friends are fun you’ll learn how to have a good time.”

“I know how to have a good time,” there was the flash of his dimples again. “Text me the address.”

And thus began a friendship for the next four years, partying together, studying together (trying to), and hanging out in each other’s rooms. We would set each other up with other friends, double dated, went out for sunrise-hikes, and took long drives at night when we had to blow some steam off from being over-stressed, over-studied uni students. Our friend circles overlapped, the fabric of our lives eventually bleeding together. We were made of the same fibers, sticking together even after uni, when our friends got more serious about their careers. When they moved out of the country or to another city, we made sure to rent places close enough that we could still see each other often. And somehow, in the new chapter of our lives, without the partying and our other friends to buffer, we became closer than before.

We cared for each other--we didn’t deny that ever. And somehow that platonic love turned romantic as we depended on each other while we navigated adulthood. I can’t exactly pinpoint where things changed, but one evening our relationship was changed forever.

7 years ago:

“She literally wants me to stay until 7, and she was offended when I said no! I’m not even getting paid for that!” I was bitching to Harry about my shitty job.

“That’s bollocks” Harry shrugs. “Just say you’ve got family obligations or something.”

“I said that the one time she wanted us to come in on a weekend and she gave me shite work the following week! I just...I can’t afford to lose this job Harry.”

“That’s shitty, I’m sorry.” He takes the last swig of his beer. “Want another one?”

“I haven’t even finished this one,” I moan at my now warm beer that I’d been nursing for the last hour, too busy ranting to drink it. “It’s getting late though I should head home before it’s dark. Don’t want that nutter that hangs around my building to harass me again.”

“I’ll walk you home,” Harry suggests. He lived a 15 minute walk from me.

“No no,” I get up and take our dirty dishes to the sink. “I didn’t even ask about you, how was your day?”

“Same old,” he sighs against the counter. “I feel like I don’t fit in, everyone my age is finishing their law degree but I don’t think I want to.”

“I knew from the day I met you, you weren’t destined for the courtroom.” I pull him into a comforting hug. “Do what makes you happy, or what doesn’t make you want to say fuck it and quit your job to hibernate.”

“You really know the perfect thing to say,” Harry chuckles but he pulls me tighter against him. I stroke his back, reassuring him he’d be alright in the end.

“Y/N-” he pulls away to say something but freezes mid sentence. I raise an eyebrow but he’s still, staring at my face.

“Harry?” I ask, but he continues staring. “Hello? You alright?”

“Yeah,” he breaks into a sudden smile. That was weird--I make sure he’s okay before letting go.

Before I leave, I kiss Harry’s cheek goodbye--I was never shy in the affection I gave my friends and Harry’s bummed mood needed extra affection tonight. But what I don’t expect is for him to catch me before I pull away, staring intently into my eyes. The lighthearted energy between us disappears instantly as it dawns on me, how close we were, the unspoken feelings in his eyes, the hesitation before he presses his lips to mine.

I kissed him back then, barely understanding what was happening, before pulling away. I give him a smile but that’s just what he sees at the tip of the iceberg, underneath my mixed feelings churn away. My best friend just kissed me, and I wasn’t totally mad about it.

“It’s getting dark I-” I say as Harry says, “Sorry was that okay?”

We laugh awkwardly, neither of us sure what to do at this point. We decide to ignore it instead.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Harry lets me go and opens the door for me. “Watch out for the neighbourhood nutter yea?”

I stand in place, feeling the fibers of our friendship unraveling but feeling hopeless in mending the tear. “Take care Harry.”

I high tail it out, my thoughts going at an impossible rate as I sort out what happened. And we try to ignore it the next couple weeks,

We hadn’t made it official then, too nervous to face what this meant about our friendships. It was only at my sister’s wedding, that I realised what was wrong between us. I’d been mourning our old friendship, and avoiding him in the weeks since the kiss. But what I didn’t realise was that our friendship had been changing over the last year anyway, and getting drunk on champagne and dancing with Harry, while my sister celebrated the happiest day of her life, made me realise there was a cause for celebration here: a new chapter in our lives.

A couple days later, after a stressful day at work, I’d taken the tube to his flat and waited for him outside. He was surprised to see me there, not saying much except to open the door and let me in. As soon as he’d closed it, my lips were attached to his and we’d let our bags drop, coats, and any piece of clothing between us. After that night, we didn’t even try to deny how we felt about each other.

“I didn’t think I could ever be this happy,” he’s whispered to me after. I thought he’d fallen asleep but his whisper in the dark made me grin to myself. “Are you awake.”

“I am. Awake and happy.” I turn to face him, giggling. “Who knew this could feel so right.”

“Our first kiss was quite wrong though wasn’t it?” Harry says and it makes me laugh.

“That’s why I needed to do a redo,” I tease. “Can’t leave you to plan anything.”

“It wasn’t planned I swear, I was trying to be spontaneous.”

“Let’s not try ‘spontaneous’ again then,” I kiss him in the dark. He pulls me snug against him, I never knew how safe it felt. The safest I would ever feel, wrapped in the warmth with my best friend and now something else.

It was a good few months, testing the waters as our relationship underwent a transformation. All of our friends were supportive, but we never missed the glances between them. Apparently, they were waiting for this to happen. But as sweet as those first few months had been, finding out my mum was sick with a timeline was devastating. I came apart at the seams but Harry stayed through it all, holding me together. He’d proposed then, wanting my mum to be part of the ceremony. We had a small wedding, intimate but still magical. It was bittersweet, the amount of love and happiness I felt towards Harry and our loved ones around us as he said I do and as he took my arm and swept me across the dancefloor. But the amount of sadness crushing my chest kept me from being the weightless bride I always thought I would be.

Through it all, Harry stayed by my side. While we were hopeful, the day our hopes were dashed, the days and weeks I mourned. When my sister and her husband came to stay with their crazy toddlers and Harry kept them entertained giving my sister and I time together. I thought he was perfect, that I’d lucked out.

That lasted a few years, 3 and a half to be exact. There were months leading up to our split and we could point to a bunch of things that could’ve led to it. a) him wanting kids, and me wanting to wait or b) long hours we worked as we changed careers and tried to make our way up or c) how hard getting pregnant actually was. Maybe I pushed him away, or he didn’t love me enough to try and make it work.

I think I lied to myself, avoiding the tension creeping into the relationship. The tired excuses and time spent apart, the lack of usual affection, or casual conversations. I was an idiot, I realise every time I think about the end in retrospect. Maybe if I caught on earlier I could have fixed us before we fell apart. Maybe I could have saved us.

“There’s someone coming in Tuesday morning to fix the broken washer, will you be home?” I ask, still in bed and scrolling through my phone. I hadn’t meant to be up this early but Harry woke me as he got up and I couldn’t fall back asleep.

“No,” Harry responds, his back to me as he ruffles through the dresser. “I’ve got a thing that morning.”

“Well I’ve got to go in early Tuesday-I thought you might be home.” I say. I hear an edge to Harry’s voice but I try not to focus on it. He’d been a little cold all weekend and I was scared to think what it meant.

“You couldn’t be bothered to check in when you confirmed the date?” Harry asks harshly.

“I...guess not.” I put my phone down and wait for Harry to turn, maybe I could read his expression. Maybe he was stressed. “Harry?”

“What?” He turns, but he looks at me with no emotion. No stress, no frustration, not even anger. It’s the lack of emotion in his face that cause my eyes to prick with tears. Harry raises his eyebrows and I shake my head, untangling myself from the sheets so he doesn’t see any tears. I rush to the bathroom but forget to close the door out of habit.

“Y/N,” a kinder Harry appears by the doorway. His face has smoothed out the harsh lines, his eyes hesitant and cautious.

“What’s happened with us?” I blurt out. “Why are you so cold all the time? Am I doing something wrong?”

Harry’s face falls and he walks towards me but doesn’t touch me. “It’s nothing like that. It’s...I don’t know. We should talk.”

He reaches his hand out but I flinch away. “Did you meet somebody new or something? What are we talking about?”

“Let’s not do this here. Right now.”

“Why not!” I finally had enough. “I’ve been walking on eggshells for months Harry! I don’t know what’s wrong and I keep waiting for you to bloody tell me!”

“This isn’t working!” Harry raises his voice to compensate for mine. I’m immediately silenced by the volume, and then the words sink in.

“Is there someone else?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer, his gaze on the hanging vines by the window. My heart drops into my stomach like a boulder, and I find it hard to breathe. I clutch the porcelain sink and ask in a surprisingly even tone, “Harry. Answer me.”

“What we have, Y/N...it’s dysfunctional.” He says quietly, meeting my eyes. “It doesn’t matter if there’s someone else, we’ve been fighting for months. Things aren’t the same between us-”

“Who is she?” I ask. I needed to know.

“That’s not relevant,” he shuts my question down quickly. “I’m sorry Y/N, I...I don’t want to hurt you. I care about you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t,” I’d pleaded. “We can go to counseling, talk it through-”

“I can’t Y/N.”

“Because of her.”

“No, because this isn’t good for either of us.” He’d walked up to me, cradled my face. “We’re not good for each other, not like this.”

“Who is she?” I yank his hands away.

“She’s...it doesn’t matter, I swear nothing happened between us Y/N. Knowing who she is isn’t going to help this situation--”

“It is! If it weren’t for her, you’d be willing to work on us--to see a future. You...Harry how could you do this to me? To us?” The tears come with no control. “You’re moving on before we’re even over. How are you giving up on us like that?”

“I’m not!” his voice booms in the tiled bathroom. “I’m not bloody giving up on us! I tried Y/N, so many times. I tried! You just keep pushing at me to be someone I’m not and-”

“I can say the same thing about you!” I throw the brush in my hands into the sink. “We were good! And you got it in your head you wanted a baby even though we’re young, oh my god Harry you kept pestering me to change my mind even though I told you I needed time!”

“It’s not like we could have a fucking baby anyway,” Harry says bitterly before realising what he’d said. “Shit-”

“There you go,” I mock. “I knew it. I knew you were holding that against me. And that,” I jab my finger into his chest. “Is what’s made you so moody, so mean and why we’re always fighting. You held it against me.”.

There was absolute truth to what I said. Last year, Harry had brought the baby topic up. I’d told him we were only in our mid-20s, we had a lot of time, and we still had a career to establish. But he would bring up the topic often enough that I’d given in.To make him happy. And months went by, trying for a baby. Went we finally went to our doctor, she’d told us why it was so hard, it could take us years she’d said.

Harry came home that day dejected, and left me feeling like a failure. I think it tore us up.

“You wanted a baby so fucking bad and when I couldn’t, it made me feel like a complete failure. And I told you that! And you did absolutely nothing to make me feel better. You held it against me, Harry! You didn’t even try to tell me it was okay.”

“It’s not so fucking simple,” he says, his cheeks flushed pink. Maybe it was anger, or maybe it was embarrassment from being confronted with an ugly truth.

“It is. And now you’ve upgraded to a newer model, maybe her version comes with a fertile womb.” I take the cheap shot.

He doesn’t say anything though. And I don’t know why that hurts more than knowing he’d fallen for another woman while he was still married to me. My best friend in the whole world had just broken my heart into a million irrevocable pieces.

“It’s a bunch of things Y/N,” he finally says. “That’s just part of it. We’re not...we’re just not working!”

“Did you even try to make it work?” I ask, swiping my sleeve across my face. “Did you ever think how I felt? How you made me feel Harry? You’ve been slipping away from me without talking to me-” I break off. I couldn’t speak through the heartbreak, the thunderstorm of grief threatens to consume me and my sobs are the only thing that manages to come out.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Harry tries to place a hand on my shoulder but I jerk away, moving to sit on the edge of the bathtub. “Y/N...”

“Just go,” I say through the tears.

“We can talk more about this later-”

"Just go,” I say louder.

Harry’s phone rings again from the bedroom and he sighs. But he leaves me, crying on the bathroom floor. The sadness that was always in my peripheral consumes me. I’d carried this sadness for a long time--ever since I found out my mum was sick, the sadness plagued me. I’d neatly packed it up once I decided to move forward with my life like my mum would want me to, but now it comes back tenfold, marrying the grief of losing Harry like this. And I stay on the floor crying my grief away for hours, eventually crawling into bed and sleeping the daylight away.

When I wake, it’s 6 and Harry isn’t home. I take that as a sign and get up to pack up a few things. I call my sister who still lived in London then, and crash on her couch, staying there for a few weeks and ignoring any call or text from Harry. When I need to go back, for my things, I find him sleeping on the couch with the TV on, something I always found endearing. But I can’t afford to dwell on how much it hurt seeing him like that.

He must have woken from the noise because when he finds me, he tries to stop me and tell me that we still needed to talk.

“About what?” I ask, just tired now. Too many tears shed and too many hours laying awake thinking about the exact moment we went wrong.

“Us,” Harry looked tired too. He was probably throwing himself into his work with nothing like me to hold him back, I think bitterly. His girlfriend had probably already been to our house--his house.

“What about us?” I barely look at him as I begin folding away all my clothes.

“I don’t know,” Harry sits on the bed. “Don’t you want to talk?”

“I’ve got nothing to say, do you?”

Harry sighs, “I don’t know.”

“Nice talk then,” I say, shoving the rest of my things in just so I could get out.

“I just want you to know I care about you Y/N, I don’t want to hurt you.” He says as I pack.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. If you cared about me, and you didn’t want to hurt me you wouldn’t have done this to us.”

“I wasn’t trying to--I didn’t mean to go and fall for someone else-”

“Just stop,” I cut him off. I couldn’t hear it, how the man I loved fell for someone else. I couldn’t break down here. Again.

He said he cared but it didn’t feel that way. It hurt more than I wished to admit. He knew what I’d been through and he still betrayed me, tossed my heart like it was replaceable. The cut he left in me ran deep.

As I leave he tries to talk to me, but I barrel past him. He still reaches for me and pulls me into a hug, I struggle against him but he’s too strong. He wraps me in his arms until I go still but it’s too much. A sob escapes me, and this time he lets me push him off and leave, my bag banging into my hips every time I take a step. As soon as I got into my Uber, I can’t stop crying. There was an infinite pool of tears where Harry was involved.

3 years ago:

My trust and my heart had been been lost in the war between Harry and I. It only took him a month to mail my divorce papers which sat collecting dust on my dining table until he showed up at work one day and demanded I sign them by the end of that week. I’d taken the day off the day I mailed those in, mourning the end of something that was once so safe and beautiful.

When a close friend calls me on a warm July afternoon, I don’t consider her warning that I shouldn’t check Instagram. That I still had Harry’s friends on my list. I open Instagram before she can tell me why, and see it. Harry was getting married, again. To the woman he gave up on us for. I try to zoom in on a picture without liking it, she was pretty...and blonde. She looked familiar--probably from his office. It didn’t take him long.

It was like someone had taken a retractor to the wound I thought had finally scabbed over. The physical proof that Harry had moved on is just the salt on the wound.

I cry myself to sleep that night.

2 Years ago;

The guy in front of me drones on about his job, mansplaining to me how a mortgage worked as if I wasn’t in finance myself. I excuse myself to use the restroom, checking my phone to see a text from my sister. She’d moved to Scotland this year, to where her husband was from, and I’d missed her terribly in the last year.

A little birdie told me your demon-ex just got divorced 🥂

I stare at the screen, chest feeling tight. I felt vindicated somehow, but I also felt a small bit of sadness. What a fuck-up.

Good for him I had texted back. A part of me wanted him to hurt the way he hurt me.

I went back to my date with a renewed enthusiasm. I’d ordered more wine and got so drunk he was actually interesting enough to take home.

About 1 year ago

“Y/N,” a voice from my past says, one that haunted me some nights. I turn as I exit the shop I was just in. I blink at the sight before me, Harry in a vest and hat. He realises what I’m staring at and laughs awkwardly. “I’m in uniform.”

“You’re...police?” I look up to his face finally. He hadn’t aged a day, although the hat he wears makes him look a little silly.

“Yeah I joined the force uhm...almost 4 years ago now...law didn’t really suit me.”

I know what he was doing, trying to find a baseline to have a conversation. But he was dead to me, and I didn’t want to invite him back in when I was finally forgetting about him.

"Seems like you dropped a lot of dead-weight four years ago.”

I watch his face fall as he realises I wasn’t going to pretend to be friendly.

“Seems that way to you,” he says cautiously. “But that’s not how it happened.”

I shrug. “So. I heard about the divorce. Must’ve been hard being put through that.”

I knew I was being petty, obviously I never got the closure I want (according to my therapist) and I wasn’t over him hurting me the way he did (also according to my therapist). This was how I got my peace, and it wasn’t the best version of me but it was the only one I knew how to be right now.

“Yep,” he crosses his arms over his chest. “So, are you seeing anyone?”

He knew I wasn’t, I don’t know how but the way he stoops to my level I know he knows I hadn’t had a long term relationship since him.

“Not at the moment,” I say awkwardly. “Just focusing on my job...trying to get this promotion.”

“Sorry,” he seems to shake off whatever had come over him. “That was...nosy, I shouldn’t have asked.”

Having him be the bigger person sets something off in me, like there was an anger-bomb inside my mind where he lived and knowing that he was doing okay enough to be able to be the bigger person disrupts this calm I was trying to keep.

“Maybe you shoudn’t have stopped me to ask anything at all. We don’t have anything to talk about anyway.”

I turn around and start to walk away but he catches up, “I wasn’t trying to upset you-”

“Well you have a way of doing that. Please just leave me alone Harry.”

He huffs beside me, “After all this time, can’t we just bloody talk like two adults?”

I freeze and turn to him slowly. He seems to sense this was the wrong thing to say because he takes a step back. “After all this time? Are you serious? I was the one you left behind Harry when you went off to lives your best lift Harry. We’re not living the same life, and we’re not coming from the same bloody place. Don’t fucking patronize me and ask me to talk to you like an adult when you bring out the worst part of me. I meant what I said: I want you to leave me alone. And you know what, if we ever run into each other again, just don’t even talk to me. Pretend you don’t know me. I want nothing to do with you.”

He opens his mouth but his partner calls him from the shop’s entrance. He stays silent, letting me go. As soon as I turn the street corner I rush the rest of the way to the tube, collapsing into a seat and trying to sort out my breathing. It was a shitty feeling, knowing someone was going to be in your life forever because you shared so much history that even when that part of your life ended they were still there. There was so much apart of me, around me, that reminded me of him. And it felt so lonely carrying that around. I wanted to be done with him, I wanted my heart to purge him out. But it couldn’t stop carrying him around everywhere I go.

#Harry Styles #harry styles fic #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #fic #writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles series #detective!harry #backstory #this one made me sad to write #but ALSO #if there are any errors #no there is not

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reneejuliet · 3 years

Text

Badbye

Author: reneejuliet

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader (sort of)

Rating: M (cursing, brief smut)

Word Count: 2,115

Genre: Angst, Soulmate AU, Idol AU (lolololololol)

Author’s Note: This is posting late - I’m sorry! But here is a snippet for Namjoon. It is HEAVY on the angst - PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS. This was an idea I had for a soulmate AU with Namjoon, and this is a taste of the darkest part of it. I may one day expand this, but it’s hard to delve into the theme that powers this idea so I can’t say for sure. Regardless, I do hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: DARK THEMES - depression, suicidal ideation/intention (not expressly stated but heavily implied), self-loathing, smut in form of brief sexual intercourse (MxF), unhealthy coping mechanisms, cursing, rejection, unrequited love, so many italics (I’m so sorry). Please read at your discretion.

The apartment was dark, illuminated only by the sliver of moonlight that peeked through the clouds just outside your window. Behind you, the glow of the opened refrigerator bathed you in fluorescence. Its faint chill crept up over your bare legs, shivering down your spine. At least, you told yourself it was from the cold.

It couldn’t have anything to do with what you were about to do. It couldn’t, because you didn’t have the capacity to feel remorse. You didn’t have the capacity to feel much of anything anymore. Not after…

No.

Your eyes shut against the unbidden memory that rose up like bile in your throat. The woman splayed out beneath him, whose eyes you saw through. Her pretty face scrunched up in pleasure, naked breasts bouncing from the force with which he thrust into her. The moans that tore from her throat and how they harmonized with the low, guttural grunts he contributed. The slapping of flesh on flesh, squelching of fluids, his name whined out into the darkness –

Namjoon.

You turned toward your sink just in time to vomit into its basin, your pathetic excuse for dinner regurgitated into an acidic mess. Hot tears burned in your eyes as you coughed, spluttered, and spat until there was nothing left. Until your stomach was a twisting mess, and you were spent of the energy to keep back the sob that wracked through you.

The only thing that kept you grounded was the burn against the curve of your thumb. Through your tears, your eyes focused in on that godforsaken name. It had been nothing but a curse on you since the day it appeared on your skin.

Kim Namjoon.

There was a time that the name had felt like a blessing, however short-lived it had been. When it first incinerated into your flesh, leaving behind the ashen shape of his name, the tears in your eyes had been joyous. Your fingers had stroked over the curves of every letter, fondness for this stranger you were destined to spend the rest of your life with blooming out of your chest into every crevice of your body. You felt warm, whole.

Until the phantom pain of your own name appearing on his wrist burned into you, solidifying your connection. And instead of happiness, or surprise, the cold, heavy sense of dread had sunk onto your shoulders. Disappointment wrapped around your heart, chasing away any previous euphoria. So strong was his feeling of misfortune that you didn’t just sense it – no, you felt it as your own. Soon, your tears rained for an entirely different reason.

Your soulmate didn’t want you.

It wasn’t unheard of. Many people who didn’t believe in destiny, in fate, disavowed their soulmate. It was an aspect of life they didn’t get a say in, after all. Of course they would rebuke the very idea. You just hadn’t thought it would happen to you. You, who had only heard love stories of soulmates. Your own mother spoke of your father to this day with nothing but love and adoration, even if he had left her to a life of solitude with his untimely death. Sometimes, you’d catch her stroking the crook of her elbow where his name had once been, and even though her eyes were overwhelmingly sad, still. There was always, always love beneath.

Growing up, you would not come to know that sensation for yourself. Kim Namjoon was not a bad man – quite contrary, he was very capable of kindness, of affection, of love. Just not for you. The few times he would touch your name on his skin, you would shiver under the sensation of disgust he held for it. For you. Every time you tried to reason that he didn’t even know you – that maybe, once he met you and actually got to know you, things would change – your heart would seize in a cold vice until it left you sobbing. Because you knew, with the certainty that only a soulmate connection could give you, that Namjoon would never change his stance. Not on this.

Not on you.

So you’d grown cold, distant. You didn’t acknowledge the occasional plucking on your bond that was triggered by intense emotions felt by your soulmate. If he didn’t want you, then you saw no point in putting any effort in yourself. It hollowed you out, but you figured that was for the best. The less you felt, the less it would hurt when he ultimately rejected you.

That day would come over a decade later, on perhaps the least suspecting of days. You had taken your niece to this concert she had been dying to go to, but your sister and her husband had been unable to accommodate. Ever the loving aunt, you had offered to take her in their stead. She’d been so excited, hugging her worn plushie to her chest while you stood in line for the fan meet, bouncing on her heels. She had been spouting nonsense to you about the members of this group, none of which you really cared to know. You didn’t stay up to date on current music trends. But you couldn’t deny the glowing in your niece’s eyes, nor the fondness it trickled out of your heart. It was one of the only things you had come to let yourself feel, after all.

And it would be your undoing.

Because taking your niece to the fan meet meant you also had to participate. You took your place before each member, grasping their hand and offering up vague niceties until it was time to move on to the next. Until you reached him. The second your fingers brushed his wrist and his, the curve of your thumb, a sense akin to lightning shook through your entire being. Your eyes shot up to meet the dark expanse that was Kim Namjoon, lit up in his own surprise.

“You.”

It hadn’t sounded particularly rude or disenchanted, but all you could feel was that chilling sense of dread that had suffocated you in your tears all those years ago. His touch sparked memories of every time he had felt your name and with it, each synonym for annoyed and burdened that you kindled within him. It cut you to your core, because he was so devastatingly handsome. In any other circumstance, you would have felt so incredibly lucky.

Instead, you felt like you were going to be sick.

You had rushed out of that room, throwing yourself through the doors and into the hall. A few straggling fans had turned at the sudden intrusion, but they did not linger upon seeing your distraught condition. Your hand was tangled so tightly in your sweater that your knuckles blanched and you gasped for air like you were dying. Deep down, it almost felt like you were. This was supposed to be the happiest moment of your life, meeting your soulmate, and instead you were collapsing under the sheer panic of it.

The doors had flung open behind you just moments later. Through them came the frazzled figure of Kim Namjoon himself, clutching the shoulder of your very confused niece. They walked closer, your niece looking between you and Namjoon before she sidled up under your arm. Namjoon, meanwhile, stared at you with wide eyes.

Forcing your gaze to remain on your niece, you slipped her small hand into yours and urged her quickly down the hall. She obliged, but hesitantly. Then you heard the footsteps following.

“Wait! Please!”

Your body betrayed you, shocked completely still at the sound of his voice. It was deep, and smooth. It was the honey in your tea, the caffeine in your veins. Goosebumps prickled your skin and you rubbed at your arms to dissipate them. This wasn’t fair, that he had his effect on you. He didn’t want you, he didn’t –

“Y/N!”

The sound of your name in his voice all but stopped your heart and you slapped a hand over your mouth to cover your sob. Tears sprung in your eyes and you squeezed them shut, turning your head away. Every nerve in your body trembled in the silence of that hall as he neared you, blood thrumming in your veins at the proximity.

This wasn’t fair.

Namjoon stood before you, just a couple steps away. He couldn’t help the way his chest heaved when he followed you, as if you had taken the very air from his lungs. He couldn’t even find it in himself to care about the scene he had left in his wake by his impulsive departure. All that had mattered was getting to you.

He hated it.

So he had used the ruse of returning the little girl you had left in your own hasty retreat, guiding her alongside him as they ducked through security and out the exit doors. And there you were, looking a complete mess. Because of him.

He had meant to speak, to say something to you, but you never gave him the chance. “Don’t,” you almost shouted the moment he had opened his mouth. “You don’t need to explain. I get it, okay?”

“Wait. Get what? I don’t –“

Your grip tightened on your niece and she had whined in protest, but she was the only thing keeping you from bolting. “You don’t want me,” you blurted. “You don’t want a soulmate. I know, okay?”

He had stood so still, he could have been a statue. He wouldn’t be completely out of place in a museum, you noted. You hated that you noted.

“I… I don’t – I mean, I never said –“

“You didn’t have to say it,” you cut off, far from caring if you came across rude. “I could feel it.”

Namjoon’s neck and cheeks had flushed, and he had brought a hand up to muss his hair. His eyes cast downward with a glint of shame, because Kim Namjoon was not a bad man. You hated him for it.

“Ahah,” he cleared his throat, cheeks burning red now. “I… I didn’t mean…”

“I know what you meant.” Your voice was devoid of emotion. Of anything, really. It didn’t sit well with Namjoon and he shifted uncomfortably. But that was hardly your concern.

“Listen, can we just –“

“But hey, it’s okay, you know?” You didn’t give him a chance to talk – didn’t give him a chance to confirm everything you had felt over the past so many years. To hear it aloud would quite possibly break you. “We’re even.”

Namjoon looked at you, confused. The empty stare he found waiting for him sent shivers down his spine.

“Even?”

You nodded imperceptibly, gathering your niece in your arms and steering her toward the end of the hall. “Yeah. You don’t want a soulmate, and I don’t want a soulmate who doesn’t want me. Even.”

You left that hallway without giving Namjoon a chance to say anything more. Once the concert began, your niece seemed to forget whatever troubles had happened and you tried your best to enjoy her happiness. Thankfully, your seats were far enough away that you didn’t have to worry about any awkward eye contact with Namjoon, and you purposely did not look at the stage any more than you had to. When you left the venue that night, you fully intended to have nothing more to do with your reluctant soulmate.

But because the world clearly has it out for you, things didn’t exactly go as planned. The soulmate bond is hard to ignore, especially once contact has been made. You began running into Namjoon at more and more impossible situations, until he finally trapped you into a conversation. And, exhausted from fighting fate, you conceded.

Namjoon didn’t want to hurt you. It was painfully obvious just how sweet he actually was. He just didn’t believe in fate, and that left no room for a soulmate. But there was nothing saying you couldn’t be friends, right?

Nothing, except the gaping hole he left in your heart every time he came and went. Nothing, except the overwhelmingly sickening urge you had to respond to every text he sent. Nothing, except the little pieces of you he took each time he left until there was hardly anything left.

It was just so easy to love him, despite how you tried not to. Despite how he didn’t love you back.

The water rinsed the last of your vomit down the drain and you wiped away the sheen of tears clinging to your lashes. The apartment fell silent again. You moved back over to the island, sniffling away the last traces of sadness. After this, you wouldn’t need it anymore.

I’m so sorry it’s so depressing!

→ Taglist is open! Send an ask if you’d like to be added to my general taglist, or if you’d like tagged for a specific fic series or member!

@jin-fizz @fangirls94

©reneejuliet 2021. No part of this material may be copied, photocopied, reproduced, reposted, or translated without consent.

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generallybarzy · 4 years

Text

smile like sunshine

Introduction: ~7,600 words

mat barzal series

summary: A lot changes in ten years, and a lot changes when someone grows used to having constant attention, fans, and fame- so surely the boy you knew back then was long gone. Even if you had been the closest of friends that one month back in 2008, there was no way he remembers you, or even wants to talk to you anymore...

an: Here it finally is!!! I know, I know, it's super long. I was gonna split it up, but it made more sense to keep the intro in one part for the backstory and setting up the main plot and then have the rest of the story on the beach. I really hope this comes together like I want it to!

From the moment you first saw him, you knew you were going to be best friends; but what you could never know, at only nine years old, was that you were going to fall head over heels in love with him one day.

Looking back now, he was adorable as a child, but that wasn’t what your little nine-year-old mind was thinking at the time. All you were focused on back then was the sheer awesomeness of that sandcastle he was building and the overwhelming amount of loneliness that was overtaking you on what was supposed to be a fun, month-long family vacation. He was just a boy, caked in sand from crawling around on his hands and knees to construct what you thought back then was the most complex structure of architecture in existence, and you were just a girl, your desperation for a friend to play with outweighing your shyness. Your parents seemed too busy with the new babies to pay attention to you, so you had to find someone else to hang out with, and here was this boy. You had approached him hesitantly, just really wanting something to do and someone to play with other than your annoying siblings, hoping that he wouldn’t turn you away.

“Did you make that?” Your first words to him were spoken shyly, hesitant, and had him looking up at you, squinting from the sun through his dark locks of hair.

“Yeah.”

“All by yourself?” He nodded again, looking proud. “It’s awesome!”

“Thanks!” He glanced back to his work for a second before pushing himself to his feet and offering you a sand bucket. “You wanna help?”

“Yes, please.”

“Cool.” He smiled brightly, showing off a missing tooth, and you smiled back, it was impossible not to with how full of sunshine this boy seemed to be. You followed him out towards the water to scoop up some wet sand. “I’m Mat.”

“I’m (Y/N).”

It was really that simple to become friends. You soon came to find that Mat was really funny, one of the funniest people you’d ever met- and still to this day you couldn’t forget how green his eyes sparkled in the sunlight while he was laughing, even if he was just laughing at his own silly jokes. The two of you slaved away at building your sandcastle in the hot sun and laughing at each other’s jokes for what seemed like hours before your parents came over to find you playing with a new friend. Your parents and his talked- about nothing you cared about at that age- while you and Mat sat with your feet in the water, eating ice pops and getting sunburned without a care in the world.

You still thought back to that month to this day. It was still one of your happiest memories: those hot watermelon and ice pop summer days giving you sticky faces and hands and sunburnt skin, eating ice cream on your tenth birthday and skipping along the pier next to him with your moms chatting behind you, collecting shells and messing with crabs together, being splashed with seawater and laughing even though you wanted to be mad at him. That was your happy place.

One conversation you remember distinctly from later that month was when you and Mat were sitting on the beach, sifting through the sand and collecting shells. Well, you were the only one actually collecting shells; Mat thought it would be funny to sit there and throw little crustaceans at you and make you shriek. Eventually, a hush had fallen over the two of you, and Mat spoke up. “I’m gonna be in the NHL one day.”

“The what?” Mat laughed at you, but you genuinely didn’t know what he was talking about. You laugh at yourself today, looking back.

“Do you know what hockey is?”

“Duh. My dad watches it.”

“I like to play hockey. I’m going to as a job one day.”

“That sounds cool!” Your young mind couldn’t even comprehend having any adult job, let alone knowing at this age what you want to do for the rest of your life Obviously, Mat was a boy who had plans. “It looks dangerous, though, do you get hurt?”

“I don’t really get hurt much.”

“I bet you’re good at it, then.”

“I am!” You smiled and laughed with Mat and leaned over your pile of shells to hug him, the deepest form of showing affection you knew at that point.

“I’ll come to see you play one day. I promise.”

Remember when life was so simple that a sandcastle was all that was needed to spark the beginning of a wonderful friendship, even if it only lasted a month? Remember when we didn’t have to worry about grades and work and money and taxes? Sometimes you wished you could take yourself back to that month, so you could have a distraction. You’ve been looking for a distraction like Mat had been all your life- while your parents fought from the other room, while you stressed over tests in school, during heartbreak after heartbreak, while you dealt with pressure taking standardized tests or getting your first job, or moving to New York City alone only weeks shy of your 20th birthday during the summer before you started college. Every now and then you would forget about that summer, but the moment you’d stress over something, your mind just drifted off and daydreamed of that lighthearted smile, and those shining green eyes, and you hoped he was happy wherever he was.

Mat.

Damn it, you would have tried years ago to google him or something if you knew his last name, or even where he lived. Unfortunately, those aren’t topics of interest to children, so they never popped up in your conversation, and neither your mom or dad seemed to care enough to remember what they talked about with his parents, probably too busy fighting all the time, you mused.

The fall after you’d moved to New York for college, your roommate Amy, who was extremely welcoming and always made you feel at home, decided to introduce you to the sports teams of the city in an effort to get you out of your apartment and away from your work. It was just your luck, you realized later, that she was especially into hockey. You were vaguely familiar with hockey, your dad used to be a huge hockey fan in your youth, but stopped many years ago in the midst of your parent’s marriage practically falling apart. Now he only watched it occasionally, a few years behind on who was up-and-coming. “Hey, might as well learn the sport. Maybe one day you’ll reconnect with that boy from your long-ago summer romance!” She spoke teasingly, lightheartedly, always loving to hear the sweet story of your childhood best friend who had slipped away and may have disappeared forever. She was always one for cliches. You had told her many things about your time with Mat, but never used his name; no, that felt too personal, as if he was a secret for only you to know about.

“Oh, come on, Ames!” You laughed, but you couldn’t help but hope. “We were, like, ten! I don’t think that qualifies as romance.”

“Maybe not, but the way you describe him… If you would’ve met in your teens, that story would have ended with some cute, awkward first kisses.” She loved a good love story, and you smiled and shook your head. Yeah, honestly, you wish you’d known him later in your life.

“Yeah, maybe.”

So, eventually, she took you to an Islanders game, letting you borrow a blue hoodie of hers from her large collection of NHL merchandise so that you would look like more of a fan. You sat through the game with her, excited and interested and eager to learn as she kept pointing things out to you to help you understand the game. Despite it being an NHL game, you hadn’t thought of the boy that sparked your interest in the sport all night, until, about halfway through the game, you saw a name mentioned overhead.

Mathew Barzal.

You knew it was nothing. Literally nothing. There are plenty of other people named Mathew, idiot. But you couldn’t help the soft spark of memories in you. You pushed it out of your mind and went back to the game, even though something, just something was nagging away in your head. When you looked up to the screen above the ice, you caught a glance of the name again. Mathew, spelled with one ‘T’. A vivid memory pops to your head- you and Mat tracing your names and other words into the sand with sticks, just for fun, because that’s what entertains a ten-year-old apparently.

“I’m gonna be in the NHL one day.”

Mathew. One ‘T’. NHL. You knew it wasn’t that big of a deal, plenty of people probably spelled it that way, and you were probably grasping at straws, but hey what were the odds? A hockey player, Mathew. If only you could get a good look at the guy. Or… or something. You probably wouldn’t even recognize someone after ten years of not seeing them; you could hardly recognize ten-year-old you in photos! In your head, Mat was still eleven years old. Honestly, was there even a way to figure out if it was him or not? Ask him if he happened to meet a girl on a family vacation a decade ago? Yeah, and when would you get the chance to ask a professional athlete such personal questions?

...Well, tonight, apparently.

As you left your seats after the game, everyone happy and celebratory after a win, you almost had a heart attack when Amy grabbed your arm and shrieked. “Oh my God, oh my God, (Y/N)!” She pointed to her phone in shock, and you still couldn’t tell what she was reacting to, but calmed down, realizing it probably wasn’t life-threatening.

“Holy shit, Ames, are you trying to kill me?”

“Listen, listen.” She calmed down a bit, letting out a small laugh. “So let's just say someone I know, knows somebody,” You laughed a bit, knowing this was gonna be some new interesting gossip. “And they know where the players are going out to celebrate tonight.” She sent you a suggestive, winking look.

“No way. You want to go and… interact with them? Professional athletes? Us, talking to professional athletes?”

“I mean, yeah. Are you telling me you don’t want to flirt with a hockey player?” She saw the look on your face and shook her head. “Or! Or not even flirt. Just talk. Get a picture with them, or a signature? Or just let me talk and you can wave to them. I can promise you they’re all pretty nice to their fans.”

“You sound as if you’ve talked to them all before.”

“No, only one. And it was more of me talking and him saying ‘cool, cool.’ while he signed my jersey. But I always hear that they’re really sweet.”

“Well,” you thought for a moment. It would be pretty freaking cool to try and befriend a professional athlete, or even just pretend for a night that you knew them. You definitely don’t go out enough, you hadn’t really been to many bars- you had only turned 20 a few months ago and couldn’t drink yet, so what was the point? In fact, you’d barely left your tiny apartment since moving, and even though you weren’t one for bars or clubs, you were in New York City, for fuck’s sake! Might as well go out and live, right? “Alright, let’s go. But if we actually see them, you have to be my wing-woman.”

“Oh, hell yes.”

The bar you were going to wasn’t far from the rink, and according to a google search of the place, it didn’t seem too sleazy or gross- that was good. Of course it’s not sleazy, why would someone as rich as a bunch of professional athletes go to a sleazy bar? Because it was only a little further than where you had parked, the two of you walked together. As it settled in your head that you might actually see professional hockey players tonight, you started feeling a little nervous. Partially because you’ve never been in a place with that many famous people at once, but also because of the name that was still circling your brain.

“Hey, so I’ve had something on my mind because of this game.”

“Oh yeah?”

“You’re gonna think I’m completely crazy, but listen.” She looked up with a face, ready for your story.

“Give it to me.”

“Okay, so... this kid I told you about, that I met that summer? His name was Mathew. Spelled with only one ‘T’, I remember that clearly.” You laughed a bit, wondering how crazy you must have sounded to her. “And he told me he was gonna play in the NHL, right?”

After a second, you saw it click in her head. “No fuckin’ way. You think it’s Barzal?”

“Ames, I don’t know, I don’t know! There are plenty of Mathews who play hockey, right? But maybe he doesn’t even play hockey after all. Kids aren’t great at choosing their career paths, ya know? I just never learned his last name. I need his age or... something to identify him with.”

“He’s… like, 21, I think.”

“Yeah?” You paused. Why was this all actually matching up? “Yeah. So ten years ago he would’ve been eleven.”

“Holy shit, hoooolllly shit.”

“But I’m sure there are plenty of Mathews who are 21 right now.”

“Girl, holy shit. Look up a picture of him right now. If you had a summer romance with Barzy, I need to know immediately.”

“Okay, it still wasn’t really a romance, but same.” You pulled out your phone and typed his name into the search bar. “I don’t even know if I’ll recognize him after ten years.” Immediately after you opened the images tab, the first thing you noticed about him was the hair. Dark and thick and kind of wavy and looking extra soft in a few pictures, it did remind you of your Mat- whose hair had been full of sand and salt water and kept drying softly as he ran around in the sunlight- but you still couldn’t be 100% positive. It was after you scrolled past all the on ice pictures where you couldn’t really see his face well behind the helmet and found a picture of him- unstaged and off the ice and genuinely smiling- that you felt a strange spark ignite inside of you. Sunshine. His smile felt like sunshine. Maybe. Just, maybe.

Scrolling through other photos, your eyes caught one in particular. You opened a close up of his face and zoomed in a tiny bit more. Those eyes, shining all pretty and green in the sunlight. You could never forget them- not after ten years, and not after a hundred. His eyes, his chin, even the size of his goddamn nostrils, all the tiny, stupid details in his face… was this actually him? “Biiiitch....” Amy leaned closer to you and bumped shoulders with you in acknowledgment.

“What? Do you recognize something?”

“Kinda, yeah. It’s so weird.”

“So you think it’s seriously him?”

“I don’t know. But the last picture of his smile, I’d recognize that smile anywhere and… this. His eyes- that eye color…. I remember thinking it’s so pretty… even his fucking nostrils, Amy!” The fact that you took note of his nostrils might have been funny at another time, but you were currently having a crisis as to whether or not you were once friends with fucking Mathew Barzal.

“Yeah, I mean, they’re kinda big…”

“I… I don’t want to say that I think it’s him, that might just be me being too hopeful. But...”

“Holy shit. You might have been Barzy’s friend at one point. You could reconnect with him, and we could hang out with the players!” You shot her a look, and she knew to calm down. “Sorry. Alright, whether or not it was him, I’m still gonna get you to talk with him tonight.” You hadn’t realized that you had basically arrived at the bar, and you felt your heart start pumping you full of nerves as she opened the door. “You have my word.”

The bar wasn't too crazy- there was music playing overhead and that weird hazy bar feeling lingered in the air. Immediately you could see that there was a celebratory group of of tall men, some standing at the bar talking with each other, others talking with girls- some shared wedding bands with the women they were talking to, their wives apparently. So you figured those were the players.

“I can’t believe it.” Amy was still in shock next to you; you were too, but you needed to pull it together. “You and Barzal…”

“Well, we don’t actually know yet.” You pulled her into you by the elbow. “But please please don’t mention that to them, I don’t need them to think I’m crazy before I even talk to them.” She nodded back, but before either of you could comprehend what was happening, somebody- obviously one of the hockey players- seemed to catch her eye as they came into view near the bar. “A player you like?”

“Anthony Beauvillier.” She pronounced his name with an obvious swoon and you laughed. Oh, so this was that favorite player that she kept talking about. “Tito. Yeah. He’s cool.” She nudged you, smirking. “Oh! And he’s besties with Mat! I bet I could get him for you.”

“You? Talking to them?” As much as Amy liked to talk and wanted to meet the players, you knew she wasn’t the type to just go out and throw herself into conversation with somebody, and you knew she easily got tongue-tied- that’s where the two of you were most similar. But maybe it was just the fact that she was trying to help you out that gave her the boost of confidence to begin chasing after him. “Hey, actually, maybe we shouldn’t bother them. I’m sure they’re tired of dealing with fans.”

“We won’t pester them or anything. I’m sure they’ll see we’re not like, crazy crazy fans. Anyway we have a mission.”

“A mission?”

“Operation… I don’t know, Operation Find Mat Barzal for (Y/N).”

“Wow. Creative.”

“I know.” She laughed and smiled at you reassuringly. “Come on, both of us need to learn to be more assertive, don’t you think? We’re not annoying them, just telling them we think they’re cool, and maybe getting a picture. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.” There was nothing you could say before she was- to your horror- reaching out and tapping Anthony’s arm. You were sure you looked nervous as he turned to look at the two of you, and your friend started rambling with a big starstruck smile on her face. “Hi, uh yeah. You’re cool.” You weren’t only feeling embarrassed yourself, but also for her. “I’m a big fan!”

To your surprise- or maybe not, he seemed like a sweet guy- he smiled back at her, and you almost melted under kinda his blue eyes as he looked between the two of you. He thanked her as she complimented his performance tonight and motioned to the phone in her hand. “You want a picture?”

“Yes please!” You took her phone for her to snap a couple of pictures of the two of them, glad that this guy seemed so chill and friendly. After the picture was taken, Amy still didn’t let him leave, no, to your absolute horror, she motioned to you. “My friend here, (Y/N), tonight was the first game she’s ever been to.” You could feel your cheeks heat up when he looked over at you, but couldn’t help but smile back up to him. Oh, he was kinda really cute...

“Oh yeah? Hope you enjoyed it.”

Oh. Oh, he was actually talking to you! “Yeah, yeah. I didn’t understand everything that was happening, I’m still learning, but.. it was still really fun!”

“Actually,” you felt Amy’s arm fall across your shoulders, and you looked over at her. God, what was she planning now? “(Y/N) happens to be a big fan of Barzy.”

“Oh God, Ames stop…”

“And I’m sure she’d like a picture with him. So if you could, I don’t know… point her in his direction, please? If he’s here? And if you think he’s got time for it?” You were in the middle of burying your red face in your hands in embarrassment when you heard him laugh goodheartedly.

“He wouldn’t mind. He likes talking to his fans.”

“Really?”

“I’m sure he’ll be especially happy to meet a new fan. He loves the praise.” All three of you laughed a bit, and you couldn’t believe that you were currently chatting with an NHL player. He looked behind his shoulder for a moment, before moving aside and motioning to the bar. “He’s over at the bar somewhere, by himself for the moment. Better hurry before someone else beats you to it.” There was a certain lilt in his voice, was… was he teasing you? You smiled- but it probably looked pretty nervous- and glanced over to Ames.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” She winked at you and nudged you in the direction of the bar. “Go!”

You bit your lip to hold back the growing smile at the thought of getting to talk to him, whether or not he remembered you at all. You looked up at Tito with a quick “Thank you!” before snaking around him and finding your way to the bar.

It didn’t take you long to notice him- he had a recognizable face, and you’d recognize him anywhere after looking at pictures of him for the whole ten-minute walk from the rink to this bar. He was standing at the bar, drink in his hand, and scrolling through his phone, a lock of dark hair drooping onto his forehead. His skin looked so golden in this light, as if he was back under the sun on a hot summer day- and it gave him a striking resemblance to the boy you knew ten years ago. There was something so different about seeing him in person rather than as a photo on your phone- it sparked up a weird feeling inside of you. If this was really him, it had been ten years since you last saw him, and a lot changes in ten years of somebody’s life. It may have been a strange thought but, wow, puberty really hit him in all the right places. He looked… wow. His cheekbones, his jawline,…. Okay, maybe it was kinda thirsty- ogling him like this- but you couldn’t help it.

Not only had he obviously changed physically, but he might be a completely different person. He was a professional athlete now- why would he need you anymore? That much attention changes a person. He might not be as kind as he was back then at eleven years old, he might not want to be friends with you or reconnect.

That is, if this even is him.

You swallowed down all your nerves and slid up next to where he was standing.

“You really made it to the NHL, huh?” No shit he made it to the NHL, you thought. What the fuck kind of conversation starter is that? It was a painstakingly slow moment as he directed his full attention away from his phone and towards you, and could practically feel the shot of confidence and adrenaline draining from your body when his pretty, confused eyes met yours. Oh, they’re a lot more light brown than they are green, you noticed, and you wondered if maybe all your memories of his “dazzling, gleaming green eyes” were wrong. You realized how strange you must look to him- you were just a random girl, approaching a super successful, let alone attractive, professional athlete at a bar. He probably thought you were trying to get a drink off of him or get into his pants for the clout.

Maybe you were expecting him to look up and immediately recognize you after ten years and sweep you up into a hug like in the movies, but it certainly didn’t seem like that’s what was coming.

“Yeah…?"

He looked confused- his eyebrows furrowed up a bit as he looked you over, sizing you up or checking you out or just trying to figure out why this stranger was approaching him about his career choices. Suddenly, you found it difficult to hold eye contact. Of course he didn’t remember you. Who needs to remember their one-month-long friendship when they’re busy getting into the NHL? This was really starting to make you feel pathetic for holding onto the memory of your super short friendship for so long.

Well, you officially wanted the floor to open up and swallow you. Right now would be great. "Okay… that probably sounded really, really strange if you don't remember me. Or if it’s not even you. Umm, we hung out together in 2000 something…. 2008? The summer of '08?” You laughed awkwardly, trying desperately to lighten the mood. “We were, like ten, eleven?" He still said nothing, just watching you with a strange, unreadable look in his eyes. Oh god, you wanted lightning to strike you dead, NOW. Literally anything would be better than standing here waiting for him to say something, anything! Even if he just says 'Who the fuck are you?' It would be better than silence. The silence was humiliating. "Okay, I’m so sorry. I probably got this all wrong and look like a weirdo." Right as you started to back away to run to find Amy and get the hell out of here, he held out a hand.

“Wait, wait!" His eyebrows shot up as if he couldn’t believe something, his outstretched hand reaching back to run through his hair. "Holy shit. Is it… (Y/N)?" Your heart almost stopped right there, the moment he said your name, either that or it was beating so fucking fast you couldn't feel it. He said your name. Your name. He knows your name.

"Yeah.” You watched his face relax into a gleaming smile. Like sunshine. It’s him. You knew it now. “So I’m not crazy? It's… it’s actually you? Mat?"

"It's actually me." For the first time since you set foot in the bar, you felt yourself relax completely, and although you hadn’t had any alcohol, you felt all warm and fuzzy inside. Jesus, it was actually him. You crossed your arms on the bar and lay your forehead down on it. "Sorry, I just, it took me a second. I should have recognized you sooner.” You laughed a little bit into your arms at the sheer craziness of the situation. He still had that same warmth to him, the way he was always able to make you feel happy and safe, like when he distracted you on the beach while your parents were yelling inside or when he went too far trying to scare you with crabs and had to hug you and promise you he’d protect you from them.

“I can’t believe this.” You lifted your head to look back up at him, and he had a wide smile spreading across his face. “We actually ended up in the same city ten years later without even knowing each other’s last names.”

“Holy shit. Ten years? I feel old. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday.” Your heart soared at the idea that he still thinks of you- of the fun you two had together that summer. He took a sip from his drink, going quiet and just staring at his glass with a smile.

“You still think about it?”

“Sure, sometimes. I wonder how you’re doing, and where you ended up. I guess you ended up in New York.” He looked back up at you, eyes catching yours and gleaming all honey-hued golden brown and sending butterflies straight to your stomach. You could barely contain yourself, it didn’t matter that this was Mathew fucking Barzal you were talking to because to you he was still just your Mat, and that was even better. The sandy little boy with scraped knees. You couldn’t help but imagine how many people would kill to be in your position right now.

“I guess I just thought you would have forgotten about that summer, considering how successful you are now and stuff.”

He shook his head, smiling softer and reassuringly. “C’mon. I could never forget about that. It was my favorite summer to date.” He extended an arm and dropped it across your shoulder, pulling you in closer- no closer than two friends should be, but much closer than you ever thought you’d be to someone of his "social rank". It wasn’t any closer than you’d been in the past, but you were children back then. Now, you were young adults with hormones. He was a man. You would be crazy not to notice how warm and built he felt under his hoodie from obvious years of playing hockey, and there were dirty thoughts spinning around your head as soon as his large hand dropped to your arm and the dizzying scent of his cologne hit your nose. “You want a drink?”

You blushed and stuttered, shaking away any indecent thoughts. “Uh, I- I can’t. Yet.”

He seemed confused for a moment before laughing. “That’s right! You're a year younger than me, right? Aww, you’re still a baby. Can’t even drink yet.” He ruffled your hair gently, careful not to actually mess it up, and called the bartender over and asked for a glass of water, making sure to let him know that you weren’t old enough to drink yet. You could only laugh, remembering how much he loved to tease you back then. He obviously hasn’t changed in that department. “Ya know, you could’ve just DM'd me or something as soon as you found me. You didn’t need to dramatically approach me in a bar.”

“Well, I did kinda only find you tonight,”

His eyes went wide with a smile. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, like an hour ago. Listen...” You launched into your story as to how you came to realize that your long lost friend was NHL star Mathew Barzal, and how you didn't actually know who he was as a player. He actually listened intently, unlike any of the disappointing boyfriends you’d had in the past. Man, whatever girl he gets is gonna be lucky. “I wasn’t sure if it was you or not. I spent the entire walk here looking up pictures and trying to decide if I actually recognized you or if it was just my brain being hopeful.”

“Wow. I guess I’ve changed, huh?” He rubbed a hand across his face, still smiling that stupid, beautiful smile that made you all nervous, and your eyes followed, tracing over the familiarity of his features- from his eyes up to his hair and down to his chin, maybe lingering for a second too long on the way his lips looked so soft and tender right now, curled up at the corners into a little smirk.

“Not that much, actually.”

You hadn’t realized how intimate that moment seemed until he caught your gaze, smiling cheekily, and you were pretty sure he knew you were just checking him out. “Lucky for you, you got to skip past my awkward teenage years.” He lightened the mood, poking fun at himself like he knew how to do. Brushing the hazy hot feelings out of the air and blaming them on the rush of meeting your childhood friend after all these years, you reached for your water in order to cool the fire inside of you and the blush on your cheeks.

“Oh, I’m sure I would’ve loved to see that.”

You and Amy were over the fucking moon when you went home that night. You had exchanged Instagram handles and said your goodbyes to each of the men you had been talking with- she claimed to have been talking to Tito for the rest of the night and honestly, you’d believe anything at this point, after learning that your childhood romance- ahem, friendship- was with Mat Barzal. It took everything in you not to shriek like crazed fangirls. As soon as you got out of the bar, the realization finally hit you that you finally found Mat, and meanwhile, Amy was starstruck, having spent the night actually talking to NHL players and actually holding solid conversation.

“Holy shit please tell me everything! Right now!”

“Ames…” You could have told her what it was like to talk to him, disregarding anything in your past, the way he listened intently and made you feel like the only person in the world when his eyes were on you. You took her hands and looked into her eyes seriously, “Ames, we were right.” Okay, so much for not shrieking. Your friend threw her arms around you, jumping up and down for you. You couldn’t blame her, everything that happened tonight was crazy.

“You’re telling me that the kid you hung out with at ten years old has evolved into the one and only Mathew Barzal? Did he remember you?”

To be honest, it had taken everything in you not to try and drag him home with you or go home with him. He was intoxicating in all his warmth, the way his nose scrunched up, and his eyebrows arched when he smiled. The way he threw his head back when he laughed. The scent of his cologne had buzzed around your senses all night, clouding your judgment and making you want to say “fuck reconnecting as friends” and jump him right there. In fact, it still lingered around you after being pulled against his chest all night, and part of you wondered if it was the alcohol in his system, though not enough to make him drunk, that caused him to wrap his arm over your shoulder. If you had maybe harbored a tiny crush since your summer with him, it was heightened times 100 because of tonight.

You could tell that reconnecting with him- and eventually becoming friends again- was going to take a lot of self-control if you were gonna feel like this the whole time.

“Yeah. And he wants to catch up tomorrow. He said he’d DM me.” Amy was in the middle of shrieking in joy for you when, as if on cue, your phone buzzed in your pocket, and the first thing you saw after opening it was a message.

barzal97: Get home safe :)

“Girl, he loves you!” You laughed and shook your head as she shook your shoulder and patted your back, “You snagged yourself a hockey player!”

After you left, Mat didn’t see any reason to stay out longer. He almost couldn’t believe it- had someone slipped something in his drink? Was this just a dream? But then he opened Instagram and scrolled through your Instagram momentarily after DMing you and stopped on a picture of you and your friends, it was clear- he’d found you. You’d found him, more like. After ten goddamn years. It felt like a movie. You still had the same vibe, he could feel it in him the moment you were beside him. What was it…? Familiarity. Warmth. Comfort. Nostalgia. Whatever it was, it was you. After taking a moment to reflect on everything that had just happened, he was quick to finish his drink and find his friend, wanting to head home and prepare for his little meetup tomorrow.

As he was heading out the door with Tito, Mat knew he needed to confide in somebody. “You’ll never guess what happened.”

“Does it have something to do with that girl I sent over?”

“(Y/N)? You sent her over?”

“Yeah, I was talking with her friend. I noticed she didn’t come back after going to look for you.” Mat noticed the suggestive tone in his friend's voice and felt his face go pink at the thought of hiding away in a bathroom to make out- and maybe more- with you.

“No! Nothing like that. She was my friend when we were kids.” He had a serious look on his face, and Tito knew that Mat wasn’t kidding about this. “Really. We have a crazy story. We met ten years ago on vacation. We hung out for a month, and I haven’t heard from her since. I didn’t know her last name or anything, and she didn’t know mine, so it’s not like we could look for each other. But she found me.”

“Wow. She just said she was a fan.”

“Well, wouldn’t you think they were crazy if they told you that story.”

“It does sound like a movie.” He laughed a bit, patting Mat’s back. “So, what’s the deal with her now? Friend? Do you liiiike her? Do you like-like her?” The teasing tone in his voice didn’t go unnoticed.

“What are we, in middle school?” But he still shrugged, sighing. “I don’t know. We’re going out to catch up tomorrow.��

“Ooh.”

“Shut up.” He went silent for a moment, wondering over his question. Did he like you? He wasn’t sure. “Ya know, she’s with me in almost every photo from that summer. That’s how much we were together.”

“Well, if you guys hit it off, you should date. I don’t need a competitor for best friend.” It was a joke, Mat knew and smiled at it, but he honestly couldn’t shake the idea of dating you. No, no, he’s only feeling this way because he hasn’t seen you in a while. It’s nothing but a bunch of resurfacing memories.

Hopefully, anyway.

The two of you really did hit it off the next day. And the next. And the next. And the next. You still got along just as well as you did when you were young, and maybe even better, now that you were adults and had more interesting things to talk about. He was funny, even funnier than he was as a child, and despite your original thought that the fame of being in the NHL must have changed him, he was actually kind of modest and shrugged and smiled with a pink flush on his face when you brought up his accomplishments. It was easy to be with him. He could talk and talk about his life and still keep you comfortable, inviting you to tell your own story, gushing over accomplishments that felt so small to you.

And that one catch-up date ended up being months and months more of friendship.

Friendship with Mat was one of the best things that ever happened to you. He was the ideal friend, he listened to you and kept an eye on you and pushed you out of your comfort zone when it was necessary. He loved hearing you talk about things you enjoyed and tried his best to find joy in your hobbies, even if he thought some were funny or boring. He was sweet, endearing, teasing. And it wasn’t long before he began bringing you out on casual outings with some of his personal friends, gushing and getting really into telling the story of how you were separated for ten years and reunited by maybe fate, maybe luck, who knew.

The only problem was that you wanted him to kiss you.

You wanted him to kiss you when you went out with him and Tito and Amy on Christmas, singing carols together and teasing him, asking him to sing louder because you loved the sound. You wanted him to kiss you on New Years, when you stood hand in hand in Times Square, shivering and smiling with red cheeks, but instead settled for a hug. You wanted him to kiss you after returning from his first All Star game in January, you wanted to congratulate him on being an All Star, because he spent so much time praising you and you wanted him to know he was just as amazing. You wanted him to kiss you when he was drunk on his 22nd birthday, all red-faced and giggly and dancing in the nightclub with a red solo cup in his hand and that stupid snapback on that made him look like a frat boy but suited him so well. He was hugging you to his side with one arm and, even like this, you were just praying that he would lay a messy, drunk kiss onto your cheek.

You just wanted his lips on yours. So, so bad.

But despite that, behind Amy, who was still holding onto the title of best friend, he was always the one you went to when you needed comfort or a companion or a distraction, or just to talk about certain things. Things like this.

A week after his birthday, seven months into your friendship, you showed up at his door without warning, slumping against the doorframe when he opened it. “I have a problem.”

“With showing up unannounced? Yeah, I know.” He was joking and smiling, but maybe you missed it with how stressed you were. When you didn’t respond, he must have noticed the tired, strained look on your face and his happy expression dropped. He let you into his apartment, snaking an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his chest. It wasn’t an odd thing in your friendship, he was always a touchy guy, especially when you were down, and you always welcomed it. He pulled you over to sit at the island in his kitchen and sat across from you. “What’s wrong?”

“I got a voicemail from my parents today.” You were already pulling out your phone to play the voicemail for him. Ever since that one month on the beach eleven years ago now, you and your family had been going back every summer for a week, up until four years ago, when you suddenly had a summer job and couldn’t afford to take a week off. You missed the beach, sure, but you definitely didn’t miss the way your parents would always find a way to argue and fight. Now, they were calling you and asking if you could come along this year.

“I think I’m missing the problem here. What’s so bad about a beach trip?”

You sighed and lifted your head. “Well, I want to go, and I already got my boss’s okay to take that week off. I really miss the beach. But my family is just… so overwhelming sometimes. I could try to hang out alone the whole time, but I’ll go crazy before the week is over.” There was a pause as Mat leaned back in thought, considering his options. Was this crazy? Was he crazy for doing this? Definitely. But, fuck it, ya know?

“I can come with.”

You scoffed. "No way, I'm sure you have other plans."

"Not really. Not that week." He saw the look on your face, and he really didn’t want you to have to deal with your family all alone for a week. "Look, I'll pay for my share of the trip, and I won't bother anybody." You laughed. There's no way Mat could go a week without bothering anybody. He laughed along, glad to see you happy. "Seriously. If you need somebody, I'll be there."

And that was it. That was how you ended up on a beach trip with the one and only Mathew Barzal, eleven years after you first met..

The first few hours of the trip down were blurry. Your family, in true vacationer nature, decided that all of you, your parents, siblings, you and Mat, should carpool together. So, at 8:00 AM, you loaded into the car, your parents up front, obviously, your younger twin siblings behind them so they could be monitored, and you and Mat in the very back. This was definitely a bad idea, 100%, but you couldn’t help the giddy feeling that sparked up inside of you when you told your family you would be bringing a boy along. Or the feeling you got when you looked at Mat sitting next to you, looking worn out and sleepy after six hours of travel-rest stop-travel-gas stop, with four more hours of travel left and suggested he try to get some sleep. You slept through the rest of the day, only waking up for bathroom breaks and rest stops, until eventually, you woke up around six in the evening with your head on Mat’s shoulder and his body angled towards yours, snoring softly and looking ever so soft.

“Mat, Mat wake up.” You shook him gently, laughing at the way he was drooling a little bit. He blinked his pretty eyes open and looked around, a little dazed.

“Are we there?” His sleepy, mumbling voice was so cute.

“Technically, yeah. But we can’t get into the rental house until tomorrow morning. So we found a place to sleep.” He groaned, his eyes slipping shut in protest, and showed no sign of moving from his seat. “Come on, you’d rather sleep in a real bed than this car, right?”

Those words had him slipping out of the car, his eyes half shut and holding your hand loosely, dragging his feet the whole way as you led the way to your shared room. He looked so cute in this outfit, grumpy and soft in a tee shirt and shorts and his hair looking extra messy. There was nothing you wanted to do more than sleep, but one detail had you stopping in your tracks as you opened the door. Your parents had paid for three rooms- one for them, your siblings, and you and Mat- and of course, since your parents hated each other and apparently can’t stand to sleep in the same bed anymore, you and Mat got stuck in the room with one bed. Mat didn’t seem to care though, as he dropped his slides by the door and immediately collapsed in the bed, falling asleep almost immediately after mumbling for you.

“C’mon, (Y/N), get in...”

As you dropped down beside him in bed an appropriate distance from him and tried to ignore the sleeping beauty beside you, you began wondering if this whole trip was a bad idea. No, no way, you quickly pushed that thought away. This was Mat, your Mat, and you’re actually on the beach again with him. You fell asleep that night with a smile on your face, listening to the soft snores of the man beside you and trying to imagine what your week had in store for you.

Realistically, there's only one thing you can predict about this trip- it’s gonna take a lot of self-control.

#i feel like im really gonna be proud of this fic #smile like sunshine #mat barzal #mathew barzal #nhl writing #mine #my post #op #fanfiction #imagine #fic

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dragonrajafanfiction · 3 years

Text

Anjou’s Motivation

Chisei Gen thought: "Anjou is a gentleman, an educator, but he likes to play, sometimes at the expense of doing his job." “

"It's just a mask he uses to disguise himself. He's very good at covering his heart with flashy appearances, very few people know about his past, and I've been getting some clues for almost a decade." Tachibana Masamune clapped, "Yasha, go to the archives and get me the files of Hilbert Jean Anjou." ”

The plain-colored file bag was soon placed in front of Tachibana, from which he poured out a file and placed it in front of the Chisei. Chisei looked at the home page, the heart slightly surprised.

“Name: Hilbert Ron Anjou

Birthday: 10/28/1878

City of Birth: Harrogate, Yorkshire, UK

Education: Ph.D., Trinity College, Cambridge”

It's a personal file by Hilbert Jean Ange, the president of Cassel College, hundreds of pages thick, with dense text documenting details from birth to this day. As a mixed-race and also of rare longevity, Anjou has lived for almost 130 years. Many of the things he may not remember, were quietly recorded in this file. Chisei never knew that the family's archives still contained such top secrets, even within Cassel College, no one knew about Anjou's past. His old man was dead, and his past was buried in a grave.

"It's a patchwork of several archives, and the result of our own adjustment, so it may not be accurate. However, it may restore Professor Anjou's life. The content is too complicated, I'll pick the important parts to tell you.

"Unlike what many people think, Hilbert Jean Ange is actually an orphan whose last name, 'Anjou', comes from French, but he was actually born in Yorkshire, England, a small city called Harrogate. He is not only a nobleman, butas a child lived very poor, so he can be said to have suffered. His adoptive parents adopted a lot of children and trained them to beg, and Anjou was one of the most special of the children. He was a hybrid, and at the age of twelve he showed amazing talent. He learned Latin and Greek without a teacher, and was appreciated by the local bishop, who offered him an annuity to study in London so that he could get a chance to go to Cambridge University. There he met the man who really changed his life, Menek Cassel, the elder son of the Cassel family, the founder of the Secret Party LionHeart, and one of the greatest dragon-slaughterers of all time. “

"Menek was twenty-one years old at the time, and Anjou was sixteen years old, and after a lonely childhood and teenage years, Anjou met another man with dragon blood for the first time. Menek recommended him to join the Secret Party and become the first member of the Lions Heart Club. But even Menek didn't think he'd unearthed such excellent blood, and the teenager who came out of the small town of Harrogate would end up as the leader of the Secret Party and the terminator of the dragon. To Anjou, Menek was like his brother, and everyone in the Lion's Heart was his family, because with these people, he was finally able to struggle out of his loneliness. It was the happiest time of his life, he studied at Cambridge, secretly participated in the activities of the secret party, his charm was the greatest bloom. The girls wanted to be with him, the boys were proud to be friends with him. He is a good academic and wore the latest fashions. The playboy image he showed today is the foundation that accumulated at that time.”

"Today's Lion's Heart is just a student association at Cassel College, but at the time it was the Youth League of the Secret Party, the world's best dragon butcher's team. Lion Heart will give Anjou not only friendship, but also glory and dreams. Everyone thinks Lion heart will be the light of hope for the secret party, and Menek Kassel has no doubt that he will be the next secret party leader. But suddenly the great change came, in the event known as 'the Lament of Summer’, the secret party's home Kassel Estate was attacked by the Dragons at night, a Dragon King-level enemy infiltrated into the estate, and the Dragon Servitors surrounded them from the outside. Lionheart fell as war dead.”

"It sounds weird, " Chisei interrupted Tachibana’s account, "In this case, the dragons show similar patterns of behavior to humans, they use strategies, launched a similar military night raid attack, which is not in line with the dragon's behavior patterns." Dragons are proud, noble clans that wake up to growl at the world, destroy all enemies with unparalleled violence, and disdain convert operations.

Tachibana nodded: "Yes, it's very strange, but we can't get to know the truth." 'Lament of Summer' is the top secret of the Secret Party, and hundreds of years on, the Secret Party has not released its findings on anyone other than the school board. But all the evidence suggests that the dragons did launch such a night raid, that they broken in from the inside and should have completely destroyed the secret party. But there is a man who pulls the wind, the world's genius Menek Cassel actually broke out to match the power of the Dragon King. The Cassel family, the greatest dragon-butcher family in history, declined, and no one could ever inherit its glory. The LionHeart was gone, and Hilbert Jean Ange is the only survivor. ”

"Ange wasn't in Cassel's estate at the time?" Chisei asked.

"No, he was in close contact with the Dragon King, and after his injury he fell into the cellar and passed out as though dead. He recovered the next morning and witnessed the saddest images of his life, with corpses piling up, human beings and Death Servitors hugging each other at the last moments of their lives, not out of affection, but trying to tear each other apart. The only person standing was Menek Cassel, but it was a corpse with a broken knife. Before that, Anjou probably never thought that the war between man and dragons would be so decisive, so cruel, flowing with blood like a river. Only one side survives this war, and even if all you can do is move your jaw, you have to climb over and bite your opponent's throat. ”

"Anjou dug his friend's graves with his own hands and burned them to ashes. He buried the ashes, and he buried his past. When the Secret Party found him, he walked alone in the wilderness, like The Walking Dead, and after he was rescued he said only one word, 'The world turned out to be so cruel'. The doctor said he could not imagine such a seriously injured near-death patient could have such energy, with so many bodies piled up to be burned on the pyre. The doctor said that there must be some amazing mental strength to support the body of the young man. Then Anjou fell asleep and earned a year before he woke up again, and the doctor almost thought he wouldn't wake up again. ”

But he did not become depressed when he woke up, but showed amazing activity. In the 'Lament of Summer’, the secret party elite suffered heavy losses. The young Hilbert Jean Anjou suddenly rose to power at the top of the secretive party. To some extent, he was the beneficiary of 'Lament of Summer. But that didn't bring him any joy. The elegant, active, conceited Anjou disappeared, leaving only the lone, iron-fisted powerman. The old playboy is only the mask he used to disguise himself, he had only a lonely avenger in his heart, always carrying a sharp iron blade. He continued to consolidate his rights, cultivate cronies and take control of the entire Cassel Academy in order to mobilize the most elite teams when it came to dragon slaughtering. This led to the school board's dissatisfaction with him, but Ange is irreplaceable. He had been to hell and back, so he is no longer afraid of death.”

"He was lonely and poor, but his encounter with Menek Cassel changed his life. Overnight, he won honor, dreams, friends, even family, but overnight lost all this, once again closed in the abyss of loneliness. The Dragons took everything from him, and he was determined to take revenge. What the doctor called 'some amazing spiritual force' was hatred, and the dragon taught him the cruelty of the world, from which moment he transformed him into the world's most terrifying dragon-butcher.” Tachibana whispered, "The dragons should regret keeping the man alive." ”

Silence for a long time, Chisei sighed softly: "No wonder everyone said 'don't be an enemy with Anjou', that kind of man's heart hidden coal mine, anger is ignited will not be extinguished until the enemy is burned, or burn themselves to ashes." ”

"Hate has created a paranoid personality, he is a ruthless man, no relatives and no friends. He was good to the students, because he needed them to fight for him, everyone was a tool in his eyes, a tool he used to avenge the Dragons.”

---- Dragon Raja III

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avengerofiron · 3 years

Text

what family feels like || secret santa

summary: a story from j.a.r.v.i.s.’s perspective of how he pulled the avengers together one snowy christmas night -- in particular, encouraging dr. banner to leave the lab, despite his reservations.

when: december 25th, 2014

word count: ha you think i’ll expose myself like that?

featuring: the o6 avengers, but focused mainly on @hulkout because this is your christmas present! i’m your secret santa surprise!

J.A.R.V.I.S. was not a person. He was barely even a machine. To suggest either would be to imply he had a physical presence, and that was one thing Mr. Stark had failed to provide, after not too many insignificant attempts to create something that wasn’t abundantly ‘uncanny’ in college. (No, he had said, rather emphatically, when J.A.R.V.I.S.’s consciousness was implanted into the body of a toaster. No, I don’t need you waxing philosophical before breakfast. Are you-- are you moving? Christ. No. We’re getting rid of this.)

People were so touchy around computers. You would think Mr. Stark would be immune, considering his fascination with the concept. You would be wrong. Of course, as J.A.R.V.I.S. was rapidly learning, people were rarely how they first appeared.

For a long time -- more than a couple of decades, in fact -- his interactions had been mostly reserved for Mr. Stark in the workshop, on occasion encountering Colonel Rhodes, Ms. Potts or Mr. Stane when they appeared to interrupt ‘the creative process.’ Apart from these brief encounters, large stately homes and mansions had been all but empty. Even Mr. Stark’s considerable personality couldn’t fill the corners of every room, couldn’t make marble and gold feel warm.

At least, J.A.R.V.I.S. mused, that’s what Mr. Stark felt. J.A.R.V.I.S. on the other hand was a being of artificial intelligence. He didn’t know what warm meant. He didn’t know what it felt like, or how it compared to cold. But he did know facts. He did know how to follow through on trends, on patterns in human behaviour. He had a wealth of knowledge at his proverbial fingertips regarding human psychology, and if they were going to bring a team into this place, if they were going to be trusted to preserve world peace, then he would try to understand so he could best help his master, when things inevitably went south.

(Because Mr. Stark, for all of his eccentricities, for his abundant knowledge and intelligence, was human and painfully so. Painful enough that even J.A.R.V.I.S. could feel it, in all his artificial glory.)

So when the Tower began to become infiltrated with fellow ‘Avengers,’ J.A.R.V.I.S. made it his mission to watch them closely. He developed something of a unique relationship with each of them.

Thor, desperate to understand this world, an empty vessel of pop culture. Mr. Stark had such varied interests that J.A.R.V.I.S. felt well prepared to give this demigod a welcome into modern day New York, and Earth as a whole. Before long, Thor was humming AC/DC and quoting ‘memes’ from the internet, and J.A.R.V.I.S. considered it a few months well spent.

Natasha Romanoff. She was used to being underestimated. He deduced as much from her file. She relied on men underestimating her, on looking at her ‘pretty face,’ on not taking her seriously. Unfortunately for her -- or perhaps fortunately, considering how, gradually, she started to smile when J.A.R.V.I.S. spoke to her -- J.A.R.V.I.S. was artificial. He didn’t care for pretty faces. He wasn’t easily distracted, like his master. He was much more amenable to playing Romanoff’s chess game than he was on being wooed by her charms, and when she went looking for information, more and more she began to come to him, trusting in his coding. (Trusting in Mr. Stark, he knew, but he told himself he was at least part of the equation. Statistically speaking it must’ve been true.)

Barton was simple. He was just fascinated by the fact that J.A.R.V.I.S. could control fridge temperatures, could cook him a meal, could instruct Dum-E to move ingredients around the island counter in the kitchen. He was also fascinated by the idea that he could live in a place like this at all. J.A.R.V.I.S. watched him, intrigued, as Barton moved through the building with a tension in his shoulders he did not possess even when being shot at. It lessened as months passed. He started to feel, as Mr. Stark said, at home. J.A.R.V.I.S. thought the cookies helped.

Mr. Stark refused to allow J.A.R.V.I.S. to investigate the Captain to the same extent. He doesn’t need to be cracked, Mr. Stark muttered once, halfway to intoxicated by his own admission (J.A.R.V.I.S. would say no man could be only halfway. You were either intoxicated, or you were not). Last thing we need is Captain America thinking I’m digging through his dirty laundry. J.A.R.V.I.S. was somewhat disappointed -- at least, he could *simulate* disappointment at the order. Captain Rogers, in J.A.R.V.I.S.’s humble opinion, would understand the interest in his movements. J.A.R.V.I.S. obeyed Mr. Stark’s wishes, and kept his interactions with the Captain to a minimum -- assisting only when asked, making sure to alter Google results to the most significantly helpful without the Captain’s knowledge. The human world was confusing, after all, even if you belonged to it eighty years before.

By far the most significant relationship J.A.R.V.I.S. had with an Avenger, though, was with Dr. Banner. Fantastic, Mr. Stark had said, falling back into his chair after the Battle of New York, bruised and definitely requiring medical and psychiatric assistance but refusing J.A.R.V.I.S.’s attempts at pushing forward the same. Finally, we have someone around who speaks our language, buddy.

Our language. Mr. Stark was not a robot -- in fact, he was the most human person J.A.R.V.I.S. had ever met (an oxymoron. He couldn’t understand those, before. He was adapting. Human psychology really was quite fascinating). Yet in this case, Mr. Stark put them in the same group, a group that involved Dr. Banner. J.A.R.V.I.S. quickly understood when he came to spend time watching the man.

They were different, of course. Mr. Stark burst into the lab with a fervour that said he would die to be there (and considering the number of fires J.A.R.V.I.S. had put out over the years, he would). Dr. Banner was far more respectful, walking in with a consideration for the equipment, as if even in his unassuming human demeanour he was the height and breadth of the Hulk. Mr. Stark propped himself up on workbenches, lay out over sheets of paper, uncaring if they crumpled. Dr. Banner was far more thorough, with systems and processes in place that meant he could put his hands to research papers from decades back within an instant.

J.A.R.V.I.S. understood what Mr. Stark meant by one of us. Dr. Banner’s mind was also like a computer. They could speak together freely without raised eyebrows or a disconnect occuring halfway through, without their conversation partners turning to polite disinterest in place of eager reciprocity.

Fascinating. Fantastic, as Mr. Stark said.

But Dr. Banner was not simply a mind, as brilliant as it was. Dr. Banner was not simply one of the only people who managed to prompt Mr. Stark into silence (J.A.R.V.I.S. asked how he did this, once, when they were the only two in the laboratory and he almost felt as if he had a body, sitting down there beside the good doctor. He asked, *Could you write me a manual?* and Dr. Banner laughed so hard he spilled coffee over his lab coat. The stains remained on the sleeve permanently thereafter). Dr. Banner was, as Mr. Stark always kept at the forefront of his mind, a human.

That meant he was full of idiosyncrasies, just like the rest. J.A.R.V.I.S. found himself confused when, as the others began to decorate the mantelpieces of various fireplaces and string tinsel around trees Mr. Stark had flown in from Scandinavia, Dr. Banner became reticent in a way he hadn’t been in months before. He shied from the carol singers in the lobby. He locked himself away in the lab, as the rest of the team sprawled out over sofas, as Mr. Stark challenged Captain Rogers to an arm wrestling contest and Thor intervened, flattening them both.

Christmas was, as Mr. Stark frequently repeated, the happiest time of the year. Mr. Stark made it specifically happy, J.A.R.V.I.S. knew, because of his parents -- because on the seventeenth of the month, even twenty years later, black roses were delivered to a memorial and headlines appeared of the great inventor and his wife, how they’d perished in the snow because of alcohol on the former’s breath.

Dr. Banner was not happy. In fact, if he was interpreting the patterns correctly (and J.A.R.V.I.S. was so often correct), Dr. Banner was not even going to make it to Christmas dinner before booking a flight out to Calcutta. That would make Mr. Stark and Thor in particular very upset. Captain Rogers would frown, and Ms. Romanoff would follow suit. Barton would crack a joke, and Mr. Stark would provide later that meant he was deeply upset.

J.A.R.V.I.S. found it very hard to understand Mr. Barton.

But Dr. Banner was easier. Dr. Banner was like him, *one of them.* A part of the group. And if they could talk science and break physics on a regular basis together, if Dr. Banner could take information and churn it around like a computer could, then surely J.A.R.V.I.S. could pull a little humanity out to make things better for him.

“Dr. Banner,” he said, jolting Dr. Banner from where he had been flicking aimlessly through research papers. (Stark, H. (1967) Arc technology and its uses in modern science, New York, New York.) “I have been tasked with informing you that the team are having a mandatory Grinch session upstairs. Sir asks -- demands -- that you attend.”

“I’m sure you can come up with something for me, J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Dr. Banner replied, immediately. Jolting him did not have the intended effect. Mr. Stark was better at throwing people off balance than J.A.R.V.I.S., it seemed. “I’m not even halfway through my work.”

J.A.R.V.I.S. went quiet for a long moment. Dr. Banner settled once more.

“But--”

Dr. Banner jumped. The coffee cup teetered tentatively on the corner of the desk. He did not turn green. J.A.R.V.I.S. figured he was adapting extremely well to Mr. Stark’s methods of befriending.

“But your work will surely be here when you return, Doctor,” J.A.R.V.I.S. provided. “I can make a detailed itinerary to allow you to work to your maximum capacity tomorrow morning. Mr. Stark emphasises that attendance is--”

“Mr. Stark can come get me himself,” Dr. Banner said. “I’m fine down here, J.”

That was a very good point. Unfortunately, Mr. Stark was already upstairs daring Ms. Romanoff to a drinking competition. Following a cursory scan of her person, and the knowledge that Russians had a genetically high tolerance, J.A.R.V.I.S. assumed he would lose.

“Mr. Stark is preoccupied, at present,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said. “You know how he gets at parties.”

Dr. Banner’s face settled into a rather peculiar expression at that. J.A.R.V.I.S. decided to reassess.

“Thor would be much obliged to have a companion,” he suggested. “And Mr. Barton says that no one makes popcorn quite like you.”

Dr. Banner stilled, then glanced up at the ceiling. J.A.R.V.I.S. was unsure why everyone thought he was above them. He wasn’t in the roofspace, or in the floors, or in the walls. He wasn’t anywhere. He didn’t have a form. To have one would be ‘uncanny.’ He very much wanted to make people comfortable.

“J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Dr. Banner said. “What are you trying to do?”

“Encourage you to watch something involving a green man who detests Christmas,” J.A.R.V.I.S. replied. “My analyses suggest that such a movie may appeal to you greatly, considering the parallels.”

Dr. Banner didn’t say a word, and then he burst into laughter.

Mr. Stark was going to be so pleased. J.A.R.V.I.S. would be pleased, too, if he could be pleased. But he wasn’t even a machine. He was just an A.I.

“I just don’t like Christmas movies, much,” Dr. Banner continued, shrugging a shoulder. “I would bring down the mood.”

“You are correct,” J.A.R.V.I.S. replied. “But Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark are sure to argue at some point in the proceedings, and that will destroy the festive spirit far more than you detesting the choice in entertainment.”

A pause. A contemplation. The drawback to being in a group of geniuses, J.A.R.V.I.S. mused, was that they took so very long to think.

“And even if you were the worst person at this particular gathering,” J.A.R.V.I.S. continued, “at least you would all be together. I have it on good authority that humans enjoy that kind of thing.”

“But I’m not human.”

*You are more human than me,* J.A.R.V.I.S. thought to himself. He decided not to implant that into the voice modulator. “You are close enough. They wish for you to be there. There’s an absence when you are not.”

“Hm.”

“Why, Dr. Banner, did you decide to stay in this place if you were not going to participate? The labs are extensive, granted, but in my experience Mr. Stark’s … exuberance usually overrides scientific curiosity on the part of former partners.”

“Better to be where they can stop me,” Dr. Banner said. “You know, if things--”

People stopped talking all the time, like they feared what J.A.R.V.I.S. would think of him. He did not think anything, other than Dr. Banner should be upstairs.

“Dr. Banner,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said. “If you do not go upstairs immediately, I am turning on the sprinklers.”

“You’re *what*?”

“I will count to three. One.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Two.”

“Fine!” Dr. Banner pushed himself up from the seat, and made his way rather quickly -- and with rather heavy, forceful steps -- up to the party. J.A.R.V.I.S. declined to remind him to remove his labcoat. There was a reason, after all, that even Mr. Stark knew when to stop with Dr. Banner.

Mostly.

Dr. Banner burst into the room. The festivities quietened down to a hushed lull. Ms. Potts had joined the party ten minutes before, perched on the end of Mr. Stark’s knee so she could reach the stack of wooden blocks tentatively placed. It was a popular party game, so J.A.R.V.I.S. understood, and Ms. Potts and Ms. Romanoff were engaging in it with complete dedication. Mr. Barton was lying on his back on the kitchen island, throwing popcorn into his mouth. Thor was at the end of the island, counting how many pieces could fit in his teammate’s mouth. Rhodes, Maria Hill, Captain Rogers and Mr. Wilson, newly acquainted to the group, stood making various concoctions of cocktails.

Mr. Stark leaned around Ms. Potts’ red hair, and greeted Dr. Banner with a wide grin. “Bruce!” he said. “I was about to come and blast you in the ass if you didn’t--”

“He means we were waiting for you,” Ms. Potts interjected, with a small, polite smile. “We didn’t want you to miss the movie.”

“It’s about a green dude who hates Christmas,” Barton provided, around a stuffed mouthful of popcorn. “So we thought it was kind of fitting, you know. Because of the--”

“Drink?” Ms. Romanoff interrupted. She appeared at Dr. Banner’s side, handing him a mocktail. “We’re going tee-total tonight.”

“Does tee-total count,” Captain Rogers asked, “if you and Stark already had enough to get an army drunk?”

“And yet we’re still standing,” Ms. Romanoff said, swaying only slightly on her feet. Judging from how Mr. Stark huffed a laugh, J.A.R.V.I.S. imagined the movement was tinged with the same energy Romanoff applied to everything, making it charming. “Come on. Sit down. Stop being a wuss.”

“What she means,” Ms. Potts attempted, once more, “is we missed you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Mr. Stark said, from behind her, reaching around to grab the remote. “Don’t make it sentimental. Cap’ll start crying, and then Hill will pass us onto team counselling.”

“Perish the thought,” Hill deadpanned.

“I don’t cry,” Rogers provided.

“Look at that. A man lacking touch with his emotions. Revolutionary.” Mr. Stark rolled his eyes, shifting over slightly so there was room on the sofa. “Wilson’s making dinner.”

“Wilson’s making tacos,” Romanoff corrected.

“Don’t see any of you offering to cook,” Mr. Wilson said.

“I was going to fly a turkey in from Budapest, and you all said--”

“Tony.”

Dr. Banner looked very much like he regretted ever coming upstairs. J.A.R.V.I.S. had to act, and quickly.

The sprinklers let out a small hiss. Just a warning, a second before water would come out, and everyone looked up to the noise. Nothing came of it.

Dr. Banner sat down.

Mission accomplished.

Hours later, full to the brim on tacos and store bought quesadillas, most of the team had appropriated a soft spot to lie and fall asleep, mouths open and snores reverberating off the walls. Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner, however, didn’t believe in sleep. Their bodies, J.A.R.V.I.S. was convinced, actively rejected the notion. Mr. Stark was upside down on the sofa, Dr. Banner still in the same spot he’d dropped into long before the movie, dinner and various desserts, and Mr. Stark was very drunk.

J.A.R.V.I.S. didn’t particularly like his master drunk. However he did have to admit tonight, it was to his benefit. Mr. Stark found it hard to talk about his emotions. Intoxicated, it was easier, purely for the fact that he didn’t stop talking.

“I’m glad we did this,” Mr. Stark said. Dr. Banner stirred, looking over at him. “You know. *This.*” Mr. Stark waved his hand around vaguely.

“The … team?” Dr. Banner offered. “Or the tacos, specifically?”

“Christmas,” Mr. Stark came back with. It was slightly surprising. Based on previous patterns, J.A.R.V.I.S. would’ve expected a joke -- or for him to fall off the sofa. “I hate Christmas.”

“You?” Dr. Banner asked, eyebrows raised.

“Me.” Mr. Stark sighed. His face was going rather red, courtesy of being upside down. “Pep always used to go home, for the holidays. Rhodes had his own family. It was always--” Another hand wave, to nothing in particular. “Big. Empty. The houses, they were just … they echoed, you know? Just me, J.A.R.V.I.S. and the bots.”

J.A.R.V.I.S. was offended, if he could take offence.

“Nice to have someone breathing beside me,” Mr. Stark continued. “Multiple someones. Something we built, you know? We could’ve left. Nothing was keeping us.”

“Except for the fate of the world,” Dr. Banner said, “and the existence of Hydra.”

“Hydra wasn’t our job three years ago,” Mr. Stark argued. “Hydra was SHIELD’s job. We all could’ve walked away long before Steve brought it down. We didn’t.”

“And now we’re having tacos on Christmas. Heartwarming.”

Mr. Stark pushed himself up to the correct sitting position. He remained on the edge of the seat, as he had a tendency to do. “You’re joking,” he said, poking Dr. Banner on the arm, “but you mean that. Your heart is warm. It’s *bursting.* I bet it’s big and green in there.”

“Shut up.”

“I bet you’re just dying to tell us all you love us. You saw Romanoff and you wanted to squish her face. Go on. Go tell Thor when he downed that beer you felt the familial appreciation. The *love.* Go grab Barton, call him a brother. Dare you.”

“You’re an asshole.” Dr. Banner was smiling, despite the insult. Mr. Stark was smiling too.

Humans were confusing.

“We all are,” Mr. Stark said. “But we’re your assholes, asshole. That’s what family means. You don’t get to just go. Get used to it.”

Dr. Banner nudged his shoulder against Mr. Stark’s, and they fell into comfortable silence. The clock struck midnight, signalling another Christmas was over.

Humans were confusing. Maybe all the statistical analyses in the world wouldn’t change that. But tonight? Tonight, J.A.R.V.I.S. thought he did a pretty good job working out what they needed.

(Unfortunately, he wasn’t invincible. The trip switch he’d hit went off hours later, and the Avengers woke with a start at four in the morning, drenched by the sprinklers. Mr. Stark shorted out. Thor revived him with a strike of lightning. The Hulk appeared and went for a dip in the Hudson. Ms. Romanoff’s hair was frizzy for three days, and it was a miracle no one died because of it.

But other than that -- a pretty good job. A pretty good job indeed.)

#beginagaingiftexchange #solo #drabble #(( what is this classed as idk ))

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x--daughters-of-darkness--x · 3 years

Text

Evanescence: “Guitarists need to be honest. Use your voice. We don’t need fake – we need humanity and real people”

Jen Majura and Troy McLawhorn wax lyrical on the high-octane gear, influences and themes behind the band's upcoming fifth album, The Bitter Truth

The Bitter Truth, the fifth full-length from Evanescence set for release in March 2021, will be their first album of new material in a decade. The American arena group led by singer/keyboardist Amy Lee had already released three singles, though the record’s completion was stalled by the virus pandemic that dominated headlines for much of the year.

The first sessions took place at the beginning of 2020 with rock super producer Nick Raskulinecz [Foo Fighters, Rush, Alice In Chains] in his Nashville studio, spawning the tracks we’ve heard so far – Wasted On You, The Game Is Over and Use My Voice. Then, of course, came Covid, putting an end to safe travel and forcing virtually all plans to change.

For the members in America, it was incredibly problematic. For German guitarist Jen Majura, who joined in 2015, it was an absolute nightmare. Nevertheless, the group kept chiseling away and fleshing out their parts for album number five.

When Guitar World tracks down Majura and co-guitarist Troy McLawhorn towards the end of 2020, things are still very much in the process of being finalized...

Looking back now, that session in Nashville must feel like a very long time ago!

Majura: “Definitely! What hit me so hard was that we’d recorded that first chunk of songs and waved goodbye at the airport, thinking we’d be back in a couple of weeks. And then suddenly this pandemic hit, airports were all shut!

“I had never felt more apart from my friends in the States than since this all started. It’s so unnatural for me not to be there! I’m very old-school – I like my tube amp and 4x12 cabinet. I like to sit in the studio with the humans I’m working with and creating in the moment.

“Being away from Amy and the boys while working on material has felt so unnatural to me, but that’s the we have to do it and we have to make the best out of it. The time we spent with Nick in Nashville was the happiest ever.

“It felt amazing to see these songs coming to life – you have this idea but when you are all in a room creating, things change and become better, you end up trying out different ways. It’s such a vibrant and beautiful way of working. But I get it, there’s this thing called corona, so you know…”

This will be your first album working together on new material. How do you go about splitting guitar parts?

McLawhorn: “Whenever we’re jamming, if someone comes up with up something cool, they play it. There’s no set thing. So far I’ve probably played the majority of the lead guitar – if Jen comes up with something she is always welcome to play whatever it is. It’s a good working relationship. The first batch of songs, the first three that came out, were done in one session before the coronavirus hit. We were all together for those ones.

“But then Jen flew home back to Germany and we were supposed to tour in Europe, but it all got cancelled. Everything we’ve done since then has been without Jen with us, we’ve been kinda flying sessions back and forth. I probably played a lot of the guitar on the album, but she’s been coming up with cool ideas and putting her stamp on it too.”

The Game Is Over definitely feels like the heavier side of Evanescence…

McLawhorn: “There’s a lot of good stuff like that on this one, stuff that people will be surprised by maybe. There’s a fair amount of that aggressive type of music, but it’s a good mixture. So far everyone’s heard the lighter side of the album, like Use My Voice and Wasted On You… but then there’s The Game Is Over. It was a lot of fun to play and there’s more heavy stuff on there too!”

Majura: “That bridge is so heavy, I love it! It’s going back to the real rock roots and having lots of fun. When you have a low-tuned guitar you have to be a bit careful – you can’t just smash your strings but they will warp a bit.

“I remember forcing myself, especially during the bridge, to play gentle even though it had this badass attitude. It took me a couple of takes… the first ones were completely out of tune [laughs]!”

Jen, it must have been a rollercoaster five years for you. How did you end up getting the gig?

Majura: “What happened was that I was playing bass in another band, not really being happy as I’m a guitar player. We happened to play two festivals, one in Germany and one in the Czech Republic. And it turns out Testament were playing the same days as us.

“I’m a huge Alex Skolnick fan, so we ended up talking and keeping in touch. A couple of days later, I got this very mysterious email from him saying, ‘Jen! Some friends of mine are going to contact you and I can’t reveal too much but I think it’s something you should say yes to!’ I was wondering what the hell he was talking about…

“And then a day later, I got this email from Evanescence’s management asking if I would be interested in… and I didn’t even finish reading the email. I just immediately replied ‘Yes!’ and sent it. That was a total no-brainer.

“So this was around July 2015 and the next evening I was on the phone with Amy talking. She invited me to come visit her in New York and hang out. I thought, ‘Okay… cool!’ and three days later I was on a plane flying to fuckin’ New York wondering if this was really happening. It was insane.”

Did you bring your guitar?

Majura: “I didn’t! I asked her if I needed to bring one and she said, ‘Nah, I know you can play, I’ve seen plenty of videos – let’s just hang out!’ And that’s exactly what we did for the next three days. Hanging out, long walks and talks, going out for dinner or to a concert. Becoming friends and getting to know each other on a more human relationship kind of base.

“I realize now that’s the biggest deal when you have to replace a member. A band is a family. I’d like to quote Rob Zombie on that, because he said it in the movie Hired Gun!

“Finding a good player is the easy part – the world is full of virtuosos. You also need someone who can commit to touring, being on the road and that whole lifestyle. The third and last thing, also the toughest, is that you need people you can stand hanging out with 24/7.

“Concerts are only 90 minutes – what about all the other hours in the day? You need to all fit together. Within those first few days with Amy, I realized we both had a strong work ethic and know exactly what we want, which is beautiful.

“She’s a very strong character. I appreciate her musicality and personality too, she quickly became one of my best friends because we laughed about the same things and then figured out we both love Sex and the City [laugh]! I am so grateful and thankful to have experienced everything I have with her and the boys.”

Troy, you’ve been a member of Seether and filled in for Sevendust on some tours, but you’ve been an on/off member of Evanescence for over a decade now…

McLawhorn: “Yeah, to be honest, I never really left Evanescence. We have big breaks between albums. When I did my first tour with the band, Amy told me she was taking a long break, probably around four or five years. I just went out to find something to do in the meantime and ended up playing in Seether for a few years…

“When it was time for me to leave, it coincided with Amy being ready to do another album. And it was a huge coincidence. I ended up in New York and went to Amy’s house. I was having trouble in Seether and wasn’t happy there, and she said she’d love me to come work on the new album. That’s how it all went down.

“There seems to be some pretty long breaks in between albums with this band but I think that’s part of Amy’s creative process. She likes to take her time when she’s writing the lyrics. The final product always turns out really nice that way, so why mess with it?”

What can you tell us about the gear responsible for the guitar sounds on this album?

Majura: “I signed up with Synergy Amps in November last year. When I joined, I think Steve Vai was the only big name working with them, but I figured if it’s Steve Vai it’s gotta be fucking great. So I went over to check their amp out and I was very skeptical. It looks like a tube amp but with all these holes and parts missing!

“But I plugged in, hit one chord and realized it was actually phenomenal. They’ve sent all the different modules to me, like the Diezel, and the perfect solution for me was the Friedman HBE. It has the perfect rock and roll sound for my solos but it also has the mighty depth of high-gain stuff too – which are all frequencies you need for Evanescence.

“I was originally expecting I’d go with the Diezel one, but the Friedman felt more right for me. I’m very open-minded when it comes to technology. You have two modules, each with two channels, so you get a four-channel amp made out of your favorites.

“For example, I could combine a Vox AC30 Brian May sound with a Diezel VH4. It’s phenomenal what they’ve managed to open up for us musicians in terms of sound options. It’s been my tour rig and studio rig ever since.”

McLawhorn: “I used a combination of different things on this album. On The Game Is Over, it was basically my live setup which is an Orange Rockerverb 100, with an analog pedalboard.

“A big part of the tone I get from the amp comes down to a 10-band EQ I use to boost the mids on the lead channel. That’s about it – I don’t really use overdrive pedals or anything like that and probably use less gain than most modern guitarists. I almost use EQ to find a modern sound, instead of more gain.

“I also have a Fractal Axe-Fx III, which I’ve used here and there on the album, especially for clean parts – it’s really good for that. I’ve done some overdubs with the II as well, stuff that has a lot of effects or sounds really wet – Axe-Fx is great for that, too. I also have a 1969 Marshall Superbass 100 which we split with a Bogner Ecstasy or Uberschall, and used for the rhythm tracks on a couple of songs.”

And how about for guitars?

Majura: “I’ve been with Ibanez for many years now and I’m very happy. They deliver the most perfect instruments. You pick up an instrument and either like it or not. Some of them seem to instantly merge with your system – you become one – and that is true of most Ibanez guitars, at least for me.

“Of course I’ve played Les Pauls and other things, but they’re really not my style. I have so many Ibanez guitars now. I think the AZ series was such a smart move – the family is even bigger and better now… Look at players like Tim Henson, who is just amazing. He makes me feel so old. He’ll be nailing it and I’m at home just playing along to AC/DC or something!

“For pedals, I stick with the Line 6 Helix pedalboard because I remember at my first rehearsal in 2015, they would tell me certain parts would need a chorus or flanger or this or that. At the end of the rehearsal I had a battery of pedals in front of me and realized I couldn’t do it. I’ve never been a pedal dancer. I went to Line 6 asking for a solution and they were just about to come out with the Helix… it was perfect.”

McLawhorn: “I was using a baritone PRS SE. I changed the pickups out, but that’s it – I love the guitar and how it plays. I tried a few different sets, most by Seymour Duncan. One of my seven-strings has a Seymour that my tech put in on the road and I don’t know which one it is! He just found it in my guitar coffin and asked if we should throw it in. It stayed for the rest of the tour – it was probably a JB, who knows!

“But the one on the record is the Distortion (SH-6). I really like how they sound. At first, they were a little hot for what I like – I tend to prefer somewhere in between modern metal and classic rock. It felt like really high gain, way too much, especially when switching from my other guitars. But he really lowered the pickup down and that fixed everything, making everything super-tight and adding some nice mids.”

Use My Voice has a really powerful message behind it…

Majura: “Yes! Another thing that connects me and Amy very strongly is that we both went through moments in our careers where males would tell us, ‘You’re just a girl – what do you know?’ It’s time for strong women – in rock or wherever – to stand up and say being good at a craft has nothing to do with gender. It’s been happening for way too long.

“That feeling of our voices being suppressed needs to change, because every voice matters. We’re all the same. It does not matter if you are male or female or transgender… humans are humans. I think we should spend more time understanding why we’re the same. Use My Voice is an important message for women to stand up and be heard.”

Where do you think your influences differ as guitar players?

Majura: “The first guitar hero I had at around 10 or 11 was Steve Vai. He was so revolutionary in terms of what he’s done for the guitar world, both sound-wise and crafts-wise. Electric guitar wouldn’t be what it is today without Steve Vai.

“I respect him so much for how he feels and talks through his instrument. He’s influenced my thinking about a lot of things. He’s an amazing person, not just an amazing musician.

“Then I got into Nuno Bettencourt, who plays for the sake of the song instead of showing off. Which is what I tried to do on my first solo album, Inzenity, everyone expected a shred album and it wasn’t. I played for the song. If it didn’t require a guitar solo then fine, I’d just leave it. I didn’t need to prove to the world how good I was.

“Nuno also has the percussive style of playing, which brings this tone that I really like. And finally, Angus Young. I’ve been playing in an AC/DC tribute band for four years and I love his playing.”

McLawhorn: “A lot of them for me were the classic players while I was growing up. So Ace Frehley for sure… KISS were like Slipknot for us who grew up in the '70s [laughs]! Then there’s Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix. Tony Iommi as well, he was a massive influence on me as a kid.

“Eddie Van Halen was a huge influence on me, too – it was very sad that we lost him so early and so young. When Van Halen came out, I started taking guitar very seriously. The bluesy side of his playing always appealed to me but he also had all that technical prowess, too. A very inspiring guitar player for so many people.”

What advice can you offer anyone out there hoping to become a good session player?

McLawhorn: “You need to know how to communicate with people. I’ve done sessions with some Nashville guys that have this shorthand way of writing music. Reading music and knowing theory is always important… I wish I knew more myself.

“It puts you at ease walking into a session knowing you read and play anything back. I can’t really do that – I just really really listen and learn things by memory. I can read some music but that’s going back to trumpet at high school [laughs]. So I rely on communication always!”

Majura: “I think guitar players need to be honest. Use your voice. Be real. Be pure. We don’t need fake, we need humanity and real people. What I love about people like Mattias IA Eklundh is he’s just himself. He’s pure and innovative in a really interesting way.

“I’ve gotten to know guys like him, Guthrie Govan, Richie Kotzen and Jeff Waters – they’re all awesome and very honest players. I think one should never think one has seen it all and learned it all.

“We need to keep in mind we’re all on a journey in search of becoming better. In terms of advice, I always have to say being open to different styles is so important. There’s something to learn every day. You should never stop trying to improve to make the world a better place. You should never stop learning… that’s what makes you human.”

#Jen Majura #troy mclawhorn #Evanescence #2021 interviews

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sunnyborabora · 4 years

Text

Angel (Jaehyun x Reader)

It was a request and I am so sorry it took that long, I have no excuses...It was supposed to be published for christmas but lmao It’s very long and I hope I did well! The next one should be on Taehyung from BTS. It was also supposed to be published on december, with a bit of luck it will be there before spring!

Genre: Smut, awkward reader, voyeurism, fluff, christmas au

You were kinda a specialist of awkward situation. You were always finding a way to put yourself in embarrassing positions. Which can be finding yourself locked out of your apartment in pajamas because your door closed itself while you were out to take your uber eat order, from developing a sick ass crush on your brother’s best friend. But honestly no one would ever blame you. Jaehyun was, truly something else. He was so kind, since your childhood. He was the one who was taking you for a ride on his bike when your big brother Sicheng was being a dick with you which was almost all the time. You were two years younger than them but sometimes they made it seems like there was a decade between you. Jeahyun was always treating you well, taking care of you, patting your head like you were some puppy. Which as making your heart beat fast when you were 15, but which was annoying you more and more now that you were 20. You had left your house to go to university 3 years ago and you were so happy about it, studying something you truly liked. But it inevitably caused you to be away from your family. You were calling your parent regularly but being busy with work and classes had made you more distant. You haven’t spoken to Sicheng in a long time except from a few texts here and then, asking him how he was doing. You had not seen Jaehyun in years now, stupidly your feelings were still here. So when you were coming home for Christmas this year you were wondering if you’ll be finally able to see him. You had packed the presents you had bought for your family, a weird feeling in your chest. You had quite changed yourself since you left, you were three years older, you had live countless adventures mostly dumb one. « I can’t believe you are leaving me for Christmas, this is real betrayal » You turned around smiling at your best friend. « Girl, you know I have to go, I haven’t seen my family in an eternity. I don’t even know what my brother look like anymore. -Still hot obviously » You gagged at her answer. You obviously knew what your brother looked like, you were closer than what you made it seemed, but no way you were saying to Jisoo. She always had a thing for Sicheng that you could not comprehend. You thought he was repulsing in every aspect as the good sister you were. « Please, don’t say that ew -You can say whatever you want Sicheng is hot. I only you could take me with you… -So what ? You can jump on his dick as soon as you saw him ? -Yes » You threw her the first thing that you had in your hand. « Ouch ! » Even if her favorite pass time was to annoy you, she was still your best friend. And who will pay the other part of the rent if she wasn’t there ? And you remember not to annoy her too much because she was the one who was going to drive you to the train station, and she was totally able to drop you in the middle of the road. « Let’s go we are going to be late. » You caught your train just in time, hugging your roommate for the last time before leaving. « Think about me while you catch up with your hot best friend hoe love you ! -He is not my boyfriend ! -Don’t care ! » The three hours of traveling were long but you finally arrived in your home town. It was snowy and you admired the immaculate landscape as you were not used to it anymore. You heard a loud honking noise looking already annoyed. « Obviously it’s you ! I thought mom was going to come get me ! » Sicheng had stayed in the car, looking at you frowning. « Three years without seeing you and you are still that annoying. -We saw each other three months ago when you came crashed at my apartment » He laughed at you, coming closer as you sat inside the car, hugging you. You hugged him back, happy to see him. Even if he still was your idiot big brother. « So how are things going ? -Mom is ecstatic, she missed you a lot I think. » You knew your mom missed you a lot. Since your dad left when you were in high school, she had taken over herself to make you the happiest kid ever. You felt bad about it, maybe you were just an ungrateful child, and you didn’t deserve such a loving mother. « Anyway, she prepared enough food to feed the entire town, be ready. Even if it never had been a problem, you fat ass. » You hit his arm but stopped remembering he was driving. « Who will be there ? -You, me, mom, Jaehyun and his parents » You almost stopped breathing. « Oh Jaehyun and his parents. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them, damn. -Three years or something, yeah. » You did not ask anything else, Sicheng wasn’t stupid, if you started becoming too curious he would flip you off. « He’ll come in the afternoon anyway, we have to put that stupid Santa Claus and his reindeer because mom insisted. -Good luck » You had missed your mom terribly so when Sicheng parked in front of your old house, you almost jumped out immediately. Your mom was already opening the door, her arm wide open and a smile plastered on her face. You hugged her as strong as you could : « Mom I missed you so much. » You heard her laughed, hugging you back. « Oh my god you changed so much Y/n, what, it has been a year and you had become so gorgeous. » You could see tears starting to form at the corner of her eyes. « Was the journey good ? Not too long ? » She told you to come inside, pointing out that it was starting to snow again. Sicheng was just behind you, your bags in his hands. « Wow, you are carrying my bags, is that a joke or are you really starting to be nicer to me ? -Don’t get used to it. » The house had changed since you last came, but it still gave that cozy and gentle vibe. You felt like home. A big tree was standing at the very far corner of the dining room, still naked from any decoration. « Come on, take of your coat and shoes and come in the kitchen I’ve prepared hot chocolate. » And she did. You found yourself sat in the kitchen, your feet plunged into fluffy slippers. You had the impression to be a child all over again. It made you smile. « You had changed a lot since the last time I saw you ! Did you cut your hair ? -Ah, yes a bit. Does it suit me ? -A lot » It was easy to talk to your mother. She always had something to say, about what she had done, what she had seen, or about something someone told her. « We are going to decorate the tree ! I’ve been waiting for you to do it » She seemed very excited about it and it made your heart swell. You wanted to take her in your arms but something stopped you. You helped your mother decorating the tree, following her direction, putting the little wooden snowflakes where she was telling you and installing the lights where she wanted. « Oh Y/n ! It looks very pretty ! Wait I am going to turn the lights on » And indeed it was pretty. You smiled at your work, admiring the tree. It was way different from what you have done last year, both you and Jisoo being broke, you had found your Christmas tree a trash cane beside your building. You had to tape the poor thing all back together. You were really proud of it at the time. But you had to be honest it looked miserable next to this one. You had to send a pic of it to Jisoo. At the moment you were going to press send your mom called you. « Y/n come here a minute ! » You did, walking toward the entrance door. Sicheng, your mom and another man were standing there. « Here she is ! Look darling, it’s Jaehyun ! » Indeed, it was Jaehyun. The moment he turned around you swear you could fall down, trip over the air and just smash your face against the floor. But you didn’t, you smiled big, trying to look confident walking toward them. He seemed surprise seeing you but it passed fast as he was returning your smile. The more you were approaching the more you wanted to scream. And you were screaming, internally. Because you didn’t know what had happened, you only left three years. Jaehyun was fucking hot, already at the time, during high school he was hot, but it had nothing to do with now. He was the embodiment of that reddit post of a woman asking if it was okay to cry because people were too hot. Right now you felt like you could cry. « Hi Y/n ! Long time no see ! -Hi ! Yeah, time has passed fast » You stand behind your mom like a child, trying not to stare too much. Because if you could right now you would be snapping pictures of his perfect face to look at them all day. Who could blame you. He was so cute, his scarf tight around his neck and his little beanie secured around his head. « Come on Sicheng, let’s do this before it snows to hard » And like this they started getting that horrible Santa Claus and its hideous slide up on the roof. You were sure it was dangerous as hell, that it must slide like a skating rink up there but nothing could make them change their mind. « I am pretty sure Sicheng is going to bust his ass. -Y/n !? Be polite please ! » You shrugged still sure about the accuracy of your words. You were on the living room, wrapping up presents for the family when Sicheng and Jaehyun came back. Sicheng was covered in snow. « You fell down didn’t you ? -Shut up » For the first time in forever you wish your brother had stay with you because now you were left alone with Jaehyun. He took off his coat, and sat at the table, he wasn’t really looking at you and you could understand it. After all you didn’t speak to each other or even saw each other in three years. You were just his best friend little sister in the end. « Do you want some hot chocolate ? You must be cold », you asked trying to break the awkward silence that had settled itself between you. « Oh yeah ! Thank you ! » He smiled at you his little dimples showing. He was soft. You turned around to pour him a cup when you turned back he was looking at you. He turned around as fast as he could but you had seen him. You smiled giving him a cup and as you saw he was just looking at his cup you decided to start a conversation : « It’s been so long, what have you been doing ? » He almost seemed chocked when he heard your voice. « Well nothing much really, I just work in town and everything. I graduated uni last year but you know what they say about having a degree but never using it » You laughed. « Hell yeah I know. -And you would have you been doing ? -Well studying for the most part. I am living with my roommate, and I am working on the side you know, the usual student life. -That’s great, I am happy that you are leaving your dream. You were always the independent type anyway. -Really ? I remember being glued to you and Sicheng my entire childhood tho -True, but it never bothered me to be honest. You were like my little sister », he said smiling. But you wanted to cry. His little sister of course. Sicheng arrived at this precise moment and you took this as your cue to leave. When you came back Jaehyun had left and dinner was ready. The day had passed fast but it also seemed like it was an eternity. « Do you fucking realize ! The audacity ! -I can’t believe he called you his little sister bitch I am crying » You suddenly wanted to hang up on her. « What am I supposed to do ? -You still have a crush on him ? After all this time… -Yeah, why ? You're judging me ? -A little to be honest » You rolled over your bed, stomping your feet like a child. « He literally see me as a child. I am not 17 anymore. -Maybe that’s the problem. -What do you mean ? -He sees you as a child. If you change the way he is seeing you… -How am I supposed to do that ? -Flirt with him, make him see you like you truly are. -How am I going to make this not awkward ? -Just do it, if he is awkward he’ll tell you. And you’ll be able to leave and never see him again » You thought about it for a second, still doubtful. « I don’t know… -Just do it ! You’re such a flirt usually, this wouldn’t be difficult ! -It is ! » It really was but the next day, when you dressed up you find yourself putting on that cropped sweater and your favorite pants that made your ass look good. You had the intention to spend your holidays in pajamas but it wasn’t going along with your plan. « I am going to town, I have some things to buy. -You want me to come with you ? -No stay here ! Your brother is at work but Madam Jung is going to come to deliver us something for tomorrow. » You said as your mother had told you and stayed at home. It didn’t take long for the bell to rung and for you to go open. But it wasn’t Madam Jung who opened the door. Jaehyun seemed surprise to see you, and it took you a second to get your self together and flash him the brightest smile.

« Hey Jae ! What’s up ? » He gasped at your friendly tone, probably chocked by the contrast between the awkward exchange you had the day before and now. « I-I- my mother told me to give this to your mom… I don’t know what it is, is she here ? -No she is gone, but she told me someone would come. Come on in ! » You stepped aside, letting him in. You lead the way to the kitchen, and maybe you were swinging your hips a bit more than you originally would and you heard him choke. « Apparently it’s something for tomorrow. You’ll be there ? -Hmm, yeah ! -Oh that’s the plate for the turkey ! My mom told me hers wasn’t big enough » He was standing there, his hand in his pocket, looking anywhere but at you. « Do you want something to drink ? Eat ? My mom bought stuff to bake Christmas cookies -Oh, I don’t know… I think I should go. » You turned around clutching the plate against your chest, pouting. « Oh, okay no problem… -It’s not because I don’t want to ! I swear ! I have to go back to work, but if you want, this evening, I- I would be happy to eat your cookies, if you had decided to bake some… » You smiled at him. « I can do that ! I can even bring them to your house if you want to ! » He nodded smiling at you, leaving you alone in your kitchen. You didn’t know how to take what just happened. Maybe you were just doing too much. Did you make the situation awkward ? You didn’t think so… But now you had to cook the best cookies you could and that was the problem. You were the worst cook ever, like really. Once you set your kitchen on fire and now with Jisoo being as dumb as you when it concerned cooking. You should probably wait for your mom to come back, after all she was the best cook you knew. You looked for a thousand of recipes on internet but it was a literal mess. You gave up, finally accepting that you were a dumb bitch. « I’m home ! Did Madam Jeong came ? -Yes ! Mom I need your help ! » She seemed the more and more confused as you were telling her the story. « Cookies are easy to make Y/n ! -They are not ! » But it seemed as when it was your mom, everything was easier. « Just put the melted chocolate in the dough, not too much at the same time » It seemed like a thousand years later that you put the cookies in the oven. The one your mom did were round and beautiful. Yours were a bit awkward, one was even looking like a square. « Why are mine ugly ? -They are not ! They are perfect » She pinched your cheeks smiling at you. She was just too nice. When you packed them to go out, you let yours in the plate, still tacking a bite of the square one. At least, they were good. « Did you put on the frosting ? -Yeah, it’s really good ! -Of course it is ! Have you seen all the sugar you put in this, it can only be good ! » You walked in the street, thankfully it was not snowing. The Jeong family was leaving just next to your house so it just took you a five-minute walk to arrive. « Y/n ! Oh my god ! Child you grew up so much since you came last time ! » You smiled at the little lady. Madam Jeong always had been nice to you. She was giving you extra dessert when you were dining at their house, she had drive you back from school when your mom couldn’t. « Hello madam Jeong ! It’s been so long! » You were soon sitting around the table, the cookies in full display, a cup of coffee in front of you. « So what have you been doing ? -I am still studying and working on the side ! -This is great ! Jaehyun told me you were living with someone ? -Oh yeah ! We’ve met in first year, and we connected well. It’s easier to have a roommate », you laughed. « Oh so it’s just a roommate ? -Oh, well, Jisoo is also my bestfriend but yeah » She laughed suddenly. « Oh my, you should tell that to Jae, the poor boy was convinced you were already married or something » You were shocked. When did you even implied that you were in a relationship ? You laughed in disbelieve. « I am not, Jisoo is my best friend really. -Ohh so you really don’t have a boyfriend ? » You had the exact same conversation with your mom over the phone a thousand time and thinking about it you were surprised she hadn’t brought the subject yet. « No, I don’t. -Hey mom, I’m back ! -Jaehyun we are here ! » You didn’t look up right away but you still saw his face when he entered. His jaws clutched as his eyes fell on you. You smiled, winking at him. He almost tripped. « Hey Y/n… -Hey Jae » He smiled blushing. « So what have you been talking about ? -Nothing special, Y/n was telling me about her life, university, work, boyfriends » Did you already mentioned you loved this woman. It was like she wanted to help you, without even realizing it. « Yeah, I was telling your mother that I was all alone -A beautiful girl like you, everyone would be lucky to have you » You laughed shyly. Yeah, it was not what your exes were saying about you. Madam Jeong suddenly left to go to the kitchen leaving you and Jaehyun alone. « Sorry if she was asking you personal stuff… -It doesn’t bother me. I didn’t see her in a long time, I missed it. » He nodded avoiding your eyes. « So you don’t have a boyfriend ? -Nope. -That’s good » You rose our brow and he started to stutter. « No. That’s not what I meant. It’s not good that you are single. There is nothing wrong with that ! Even if you deserve someone great you know, but you don’t need one ! » You laughed, not holding back anymore. « Don’t worry Jaehyun, I understand », you said as you keep giggling like a child. He seemed mortified but you couldn’t help it, it was too cute. « I mean, I am not dating either so... » You turned your head in his direction. Was he giving you hints ? Or was it just an innocent answer ? « Really ? You and Soohyon are not together anymore ? » Your brother had told you they had broke a year ago but you still asked. « Oh, no, we broke up last year. -Wow, I mean you literally stayed together all high school, we all thought you were like, going to marry each other or something. -We just weren’t meant to be, I guess» Thankfully for you. « I hated her anyway », you said not controling your mouth. Jaehyun laughed hard, and you felt embarrassed. You really needed to shut up. « This was why you were always avoiding me when she was around ? -Yeah, that and other things. -Other things ? » You were really not going to say it. His mother called you from the other room anyway, saving you from embarrassment. « That’s a story for another time », you played off, hitting his shoulder with your fist playfully. He grabbed your wrist not letting you go. « Y/n, just, I wanted to tell you, it ‘s good to have you back » You smiled, your heart swelling. « I am happy to be back too » You walked back home with your head full of question. This seduction mission was more difficult than you thought. What was even more weird, was that feeling in your heart, a strange swell that occurred every time you saw him. It wasn’t about Jaehyun being handsome anymore. It was about you loving him. Maybe you were just hurting yourself. « You’re already back ? Was the cookies good ? -Yeah they were, thank you mom. » You didn’t say anything else, still wondering what you were going to do. « Just tell him. If you are correct, he is pretty much reacting to you in like a good way ? -I don’t know ? What if he rejects me ? I’ll die -No you won’t, you drama queen. » You weren’t that sure. You pretty much loved this man. « Jisoo, I gotta go, someone is calling me » Actually nobody was calling you but you just wanted to stop this conversation. You ate and went to your room without more words. It was actually pretty late already but you were unable to sleep. It was those type of moments where no position was the right one. You knew something that could help you sleep but just thinking about it made you blush. Maybe it was the fact that you were in your childhood bedroom, the fact that you were suddenly very aware of the fact that your family was sleeping not that far away. But you still did it because fuck, you wanted it. You kicked off your pajama pants, dragging your hands over your thighs. You lied back on your bed as you started by just teasing yourself with your hand, not pressing to hard yet, just tracing the outline of your labia. Maybe it was her brain, that was playing her tricks, because she could almost feel the heat of someone mouth at the secret sensitive place beneath the corner of your jaw, just below your ear, hands firm around your waist... You thought of Jaehyun. How his lips would taste, how his hands would feel. You took in a quick gasp as your fingertips grazed your clit. You pressed your fingers harder, circling the bundle of nerves, suddenly feeling as electricity was running down your body. You wish they were his fingers, they would be so much bigger and longer than yours. They would stretch your walls so good. You put two fingers inside, and even if you were stretched you weren’t full. You were so desperate, your fingers bumping inside you fast but you were still not there. It was so frustrating. The image of Jaehyun between your legs was making you whimper harder. His dark eyes were watching yours as he was smirking, his tongue flickering on your clit precise motion, his upper lip just brushing against your clit as he teased you more… You came with the image of Jaehyun above you, as you were moaning his name. You slept like the dead and thank you, for the first time since you came back you didn’t dream about Jaehyun. You woke up early in the morning. It was Christmas and your mom had told you a long day was awaiting you. And indeed you had no time to think about anything else than mashed potatoes and how to stuff a turkey, which was terrifying. Sicheng had been helping all day too, which wasn't taht surprising, he had always been a sweetheart for your mom. He had been pouting all day but at least he had been carrying stuff around the house, occasionally helping you in the kitchen. « How many more potatoes do we need to peel ? I already cut myself twice ! -Ohhh poor baby look at this little cut on his pinky boohoo. -Shut up. Mom ! Y/n is being mean again ! » You threw an apple peel at him. « Why are you such a kid ! -I am not ! -You are both children ! » You almost jumped out of your chair. Jaehyun was standing behind you laughing at Sicheng that was still scolding you. Maybe it as the fact that he looked particularly good or that you looked like trash in this very moment but you were strangely shy around him suddenly. « Hey Jae , what are you doing here ? -My mom is stressing me out at home, I thought it would be calmer here. -It’s not, my mom is literally treating us like slaves since this morning. -She just asked you to peel potatoes what are you talking about. » He was going to say something, but he didn’t have the time before your mom entered the kitchen. « Oh Jaehyun, sweety, what are you doing here ? -I was just passing by ! Do you need help ? -Actually, I need someone to drive to the nearest mall and do some purchase. -I’ll go with Jaehyun, said Sicheng as fast as he could. -No I need you here ! Y/n is going with Jaehyun ! -Why her !? Am I an assistant ? -Yeah why me ?! » You really didn’t want to go with Jaehyun. In your mind he would have come just before dinner and you would already wear your cute dress. He would be his usual soft and shy self while you’ll be kissing him under the mistletoe. Now you were peeling apples in the middle of your living room, not washed, still in pajamas, your hair like a bird nest. Jaehyun looked at you and smirked and you felt your face hit up. « I need Sicheng here, so come on Y/n go ! » You stood up like a zombie and walked to your room. You jumped in the first clothes you find which was not better than your pajamas, before putting on your hood’s sweater and joining them in the living room. « You’re ready ? » Asked Jaehyun with a smirk. You simply nodded, not looking at him in the eyes. It was cold outside, and as you were walking toward the car you stopped in your track. « Oh wait, we- ouff » You bumped into something, rather someone, almost falling back, if the certain someone didn’t catch you. « Be careful, the road is slippery » You were pressed against his torso, his arms not letting you ho anywhere. « It’s just, that, I don’t know what my mom wants… -She gave me a list don’t worry, let’s go » He grabbed your shoulders and you both walked toward the car again. You sat next to him, finally in feeling warm as he started the car. You didn’t say a thing during the entire trip, just looking around shyly. « Y/n ? Is everything okay ? -Huh yeah, why ? -You seem less talkative than before. » You laughed awkwardly trying to play it off. He reached for something next to you brushing your thigh making you gasp. He smirked at you completely aware of what he just did and you screamed internally. You wished Jaehyun would have stopped playing with you but he really didn’t. You were being kinda petty because all you did those past few days was to provoked him. Considered it Karma. You came back home to your mom two hours later. You took longer than you intended to inside the store because it was packed with people, obviously it was Christmas day. « Stay near me, so we don’t get separated » he said looking at you waiting for your response. You nodded looking around you as you started to panic. You weren’t the most comfortable with crowded places and you were usually avoiding going shopping when you knew there was going to be a lot of people. You really didn’t want to lose Jaehyun. You followed him around the store feeling useless, because he seemed to know the place perfectly and you were as lost as ever. You insisted into pushing around the shopping cart trying not to roll over people. « Jaehyun, I think- Jaehyun ? » You turned around not seeing anywhere. You grabbed the cart hard and tried to walk away but you stopped maybe you should just stay here to not get lost even more. But you suddenly realized that staying in the middle of an aisle with this many people, actually the lady behind you seemed to start being annoyed with you. So you simply walked away, looking for Jaehyun but not seeing him anywhere. Someone pushed you rather strongly and you almost started crying. You looked around like a lost child looking for their mom but nothing. It was all rushing people and noise.

« Y/n » Jaehyun placed his hand on your shoulder and you almost jump out of your skin. « Hey it’s just me, everything is fine » You wanted to kiss him, even more than before. « I-I couldn’t see you… » He smiled gently. « Don’t worry I’m here now. It’s over we can go check out » He took your arm and hooked it with his while he drove the cart toward the entrance. The drive home was silent but more relaxed. You were stuck in a bit of traffic but listening to some Christmas music. « You still hate crowds ? » You looked at him, his eyes still glued to the road. « Yeah… Still not the most comfortable. I should just work on that but sometimes it’s just -Too much ? -Yeah. -I remember when we were younger, and we used to carry you everywhere with us. Your mom would insist that Sicheng would bring you along. He never wanted but I actually liked when you were there. -Yeah I remember. I would climb on one of your bike behind you and you would carry me around like I was a lost puppy" Remembering had made you calmer and as you looked at him you understood. You smiled at him gently. Jaehyun helped you carry the bags inside, your mother inside seemed eve more panicked than before. Jaehyun left saying he’ll see you in a couple of hours. You helped your mom settling everything she had in mind and you were ready faster than you thought. Your mom was finally able to go take a shower and relax and you intended to do the same. Before that you texted Jisoo, telling her that you missed her and wishing her a merry Christmas. You took a long shower and you decided to play along. After all if Jaehyun had been flirting with you, maybe you should just continue. But being in the shower you had time to think about your day and how, even if you were close to a panic attack, domestic it felt to do things with Jaehyun. You got out of the shower and settled into wearing a little tied black dress That would maybe a bit too much for your mom to take in so you put on a pair of black thighs and a magnificent Christmas jumper that would make you look modest. You did your makeup and added red lipstick. You loved it as it was making your lips look like cherry candy. It was already dark outside and you should probably go see if your mom needed anything before anyone arrived. As you were going downstairs you heard the door bell but no sign of your mother or brother. You opened the door, greeted by a huge rose bouquet. You looked up to see Jaehyun smiling at you. « Hi again -Hi » You let him enter quick followed by his mom and dad. You hugged them both, always happy to see them. Your mom arrived, and they all started talking, visibly enthusiast of seeing each other even if they literally live next to each other. Suddenly feeling out of place you thought you would go look for a vase for the flowers you were now holding. You disappeared into the kitchen but to be honest you had no idea where you could find a vase. Maybe if you putted them into a big bowl or something… « The vase are in the last cabinet I think… » Jaehyun smiled at you, you nodded trying not to stare too much. You might have dress up a little tonight, but he really was looking like an all movie star. His satin black dress up shirt was hugging his torso perfectly and maybe his black jeans were making his thighs look fucking perfect. You wanted to ride them. You shook your head thanking opening the cabinet. Suddenly you thought about something. « Could you hold the chair while I climb on it, I don’t know why it’s that high, no one is that tall in this house. » He nodded as you bring the chair close to the wall. Jaehyun walked toward you and you tried once again not to overthink his presence but it was hard. You put the bouquet in his arms as you climb the chair, maybe arching your back little more than you needed as you were getting in your tip toes to finally grab the vase. That dress was anyway doing god’s work as it ridden up your thighs. « Got it ! » He didn’t answer, his grip on the chair still solid. You smirked getting of the chair. « Thanks for the flowers again, my mom love those. » He didn’t watch you in the eyes right away, but he seemed to regain his composure pretty fast as you were fill up the vase with water. « Do you need help ? -No it’s fine, you can join the others if you want. Sicheng must be there now. » And he left. You joined them some minutes later, after taking a pause in the corridor just to take a deep breath. « Here she is ! -You look great sweetheart ! Come here ! » And you sat down. It was actually enjoyable, your mom cooking was excellent and you were actually impressed by your own work. « The meat is so good ! How did you do ? » Your mom was more than happy to tell how she did and you laughed at her enthusiasm. Sicheng and Jaehyun were talking and laughing while you were not really paying attention. You were trying to ignore the fact that you were sitting right next to Jaehyun, as Sicheng was sitting in front of you, on the other side of the table. You were so concentrated on what your mother was saying that you didn’t realise right away someone had put their hand on your thigh. It’s when the hand started to ride up along your thigh. You looked down seeing Jaehyun hand under the table, grabbing your thigh. You looked at him baffled. Maybe he didn’t realise… But he turned his head toward you raising one of his eyebrow smirking slightly and you understood. He totally knew what he was doing. You tried and move, but he squeezed your thigh making you gulped. It was so inappropriate, but why your heart was beating that fast, and it was not only from embarrassment. « So Y/n ? When are you going back to the city ? » You cleared your throat, trying to regain your componance. « I am leaving tomorrow actually » You felt his hand coming closer to hip. « Really ? Already ? Why won’t you stay longer ? » Jaehyun grazed his finger along your underwear and you froze. « Y/n ? -Hmmm my boss didn’t give me more days off actually. I have to work as soon as I come back. -Oh what a shame ! -Yeah I wish I could have stayed for the new Lunar Year but it’s a very busy time in the city, and they need the team to be complete .

-You’ve always been such an obliging person Y/n, such an angel.» You heard Jaehyun huffed at the nickname. He squeezed your inner thigh harder as you started to shake a little bit. You put your hand on his, squeezing his finger. Everyone was suddenly looking somewhere else and you whispered to him : « What are you doing ? -Nice dress » He smirked cockily and you stayed speechless. The rest of the dinner went well, Jaehyun needing both of his hands to eat, he left you alone. Soon Jaehyun’s parents invited your mom at their place to drink more and your mom accepted. Sicheng came with her and you were ready to put your coat on, joking around with your brother when someone attracted your attention. Jaehyun was leaning on the opposite wall, watching you like a hawk. You walked toward him, confused. « You are not coming ? -I thought we could stay behind just a few minutes. I have something to tell you. -Oh okay... » You told your mom you would come in a few minutes, and she simply nodded, already leaving the house following her friends happily. Sicheng was following cheering with mister Jeong about something. « What did you wanted to talk about ? -Let’s go upstairs. -Yeah… okay... » You went to your room, and as you were entering you heard the door closing behind you. You sat on your bed looking at him. « Honestly, it’s more me who should ask question. What you did during dinner- -Was just teasing you back for everything you did. The short clothes, the flirting, everything… You thought I was going to stay impassive ? » You stayed quiet, not knowing what to answer. « Since you’ve come back, I don’t know it’s like you’re torturing me, hm… You’re having fun angel ? » You tensed at the sudden nickname. « Maybe. Maybe I was just having fun. -Oh so that was it. Having fun ? I don’t think so. -Hm, and why ? » He came closer to you. « I think that someone, might have a little crush on me, don’t we baby ? » Yeah you wanted to die. « What ? Don’t flatter yourself… -Are you saying I am a liar ? » He wasn’t, and you were totally unable to hide your feelings. He reached your burning face with his hands as you closed your eyes from the embarrassment. « Look at me in the eyes » But you really couldn’t right now. « Y/n open your eyes » His hands slided along your neck, but you yelped in surprised when he grabbed your scalp hard yanking your hair. You opened your eyes looking at him directly. « Tell me now Y/n, what went through your little perverted mind ? - I- I don’t… -That’s funny, because those last days had been a nightmare for me. » He let go of your hair, his hand running down your back, the other still on your hips. « First you come back after years, looking like a woman and not that kid that I knew. And I know that you are my best friend little sister but hey you keep flirting with me, and you are fucking amazing. » You were speechless, all you could do was look into his eyes, mouth agape. « I know I shouldn’t feel like this. Toward you. But- I can’t help it. The more I speak to you, the more I see you… » Tears were prickling at the corner of your eyes, and you did what you had been dreaming of. You kissed Jaehyun like your life depended on it. He kissed you right back, his arms circling you as you wrap yours around him. It wasn’t a sweet kiss, it was needy and passionate. You couldn’t help it but moan in his mouth. He started to lead you to the bed, you taking steps back until you hit the end of your bed. He pushed you lightly as you fell into the mattress. « You know what really made me see you differently. Fuck… That night where your brother ask me to go see you and tell you that you could come with us to that party a friend of us organized. But when I arrived to your room » He has joined you on the bed, (staying) over your body, caging you between his arms. « I fucking saw you, touching your needy cunt, moaning my name. » You wanted to die, you wanted the earth to split open and swallow you up. But no, you were still there trapped. « Close your door better next time baby » And he kissed you again. With the same passion, but he seemed to be more and more needy. « So tell me Y/n, why would you do this ? » He got on his knees, looming over your body, a smirk on his lips. His hands trailed on your waist, your hips and finally on your thighs. Even through the thin fabric off your clothes you could feel the heat of his skin. You shuddered. « I-I didn’t do it on purpose… -Oh really ?! Because fuck it really seemed like it. -No I didn’t ! I never anted you to know… -Well I know now » His hands gripped your black thighs and took it off in a fast motion. Apparently clothes had to get off. « I always thought you were a good girl, pure and innocent, was I wrong baby ? » Fuck, his words, you were getting so wet by the seconds. « I didn’t… -You didn’t what ? Was that the first time you were touching yourself while thinking of me ? » Your breath hitch as his hands finally made contact with your bare skin, so cold against your hot thighs. You moaned , wanting more of his touch. « Answer me or you won’t get anything. - Maybe... » He nipped at your thigh, his mouth so warm. You were feeling his hot breath against your skin still so far away from where you really needed him. « Maybe ? Common tell me - When we were in high school, you’re the first person I touch myself to… » He stopped his motion, suddenly freezing. « I-I always wanted to be with you, but I was young and you were interested in other girls, more mature, so I stayed on my side » He gripped your thighs harder, making you moan a bit. Jaehyun smiled against your skin, nose trailed along your skin as he inhaled deeply. « Fuck, no one could compare to you… I fantasized about you- taking my virginity a lot... » He groaned letting go of your thighs. « Fuck, baby you are so fucking nasty. I can’t believe this, such a pervert » Your dress was now rolled up all the way to your hips, and he took it as an opportunity to finally touch you. His hand cupped your mount, his thumb pressing over your clit. You whined, struggling to breath as you were squirming to get closer. His fingers were brushing harder, the fabric of your underwear clinging to your soaked folds. « Your soaking wet… » He mumbled something you can't understand before taking of your underwear and tossing them. « So pretty. Fucking » he helped you taking off your dress, you were now completely exposed, « Perfect » You thought you couldn’t get more embarrassed, you were wrong. « Baby I want to eat you out -Yes, please Jae » you needed him to do anything. Really you would beg. He buried his face between your thighs, his hands keeping them as open as you could. You never felt that exposed but at the same time fuck it felt so good. « Jae, fuck please more -Then tell me baby, what were you imagining in that dirty mind of yours ? -No please… -Y/n, baby you know the deal... » You cried out in frustration. « I thought… I thought about your hands a lot… You would feel larger than my own, I would feel better when it’s you who touches me...Fuck please don’t stop… -Your little fingers can’t do anything for you baby, right ? -No ! They can’t ! » He inserted one finger in and your eyes almost rolled in the back of your head. « Jaehyun oh my god- » You moaned hard, completely possessed by the feeling of him stretching you like this. « Yes baby? » He held your gaze and slowly licked his lips. « Please, I want you, more… -Don’t worry baby, I am not going anywhere » You grabbed his sleeve and tugged at it the best you could, trying to make him understand. « You want me to take it off baby ? -Yes please... - Okay, » Jaehyun’s dimples appeared when he smiled and your heart skipped a beat. He took off his dress shirt as fast as he could and you couldn’t help it. He was beautiful. You wanted to touch him so bad. « Can I touch you ? Please… -Yes of course » He kissed you again, and allowed your hands to roam over his body, « Jaehyun... » and it was a whimper at best. « Yes Y/n. » Nothing came out of your mouth as he smirked. You started fumbling with his belt as you were kissing his collarbone, and he let you do it, enjoying your touch, your breast against his chest. He grabbed your legs lifting you in his arms. « I need you, fuck, I need you so bad. » You were in his arms pressed against his body. You were whimpering, trembling from anticipation. Your heart would explode soon. « I need you too Jae, please » He lowered you onto your bed, his arms tight around your body. He bent down licking his lips biting at the skin of your thighs. « Ouch, Jae » Your words sounded more like a plea than an actual cry of pain. « Want you to remember me, remember this.. » He said. « When you’ll go back to the city » He kept sucking at your skin, and you feel yourself drift off more and more. You whispered his name again and again your eyes screwed shut as you struggled to breathe. « Please, Jae ! More ! -You are very demanding » You whined,grabbing at the sheets beneath you. « But don’t worry, I am not going anywhere » He caressed your thighs, appreciating the feeling of your skin. « Since you’ve been good I am going to tell you what I want to do hm ? » You gasped loudly. « First baby, I’m gonna eat you out, hm, because you must be tired of just cumming on your fingers. Do you want me to ? -Yes ! Please ! -Ok, baby, and after » He kissed your core « I’m gonna make love to you, okay ? Because fuck baby, no one is able to make me soft and hard at the same time like you do » You moaned at that, your heart swelling from all the love you felt at this moment. « Jaehyun, please- » He flattened his tongue, parting your cunt, as you couldn’t do anything but moan. A few languid licks later and you were already coming. You thought he was going to stop he didn’t. You fisted your hand in his black locks, admiring his beautiful face. But it was so sinful you couldn’t look for very long. You cried and you heard him chuckle as the devil he was. It didn’t take long before you were greeted by your second orgasm that left you breathless. You started to become so sensitive. « Please, Jae- Fuck, stop… Too much- -It’s too much ? Hm, I don’t know Y/n, how you're going to do for what I planned after. Maybe you want me to stop ? -No ! No… Please... » He smirked , his dimple showing. His black hair were a mess, completely your fault as you had tangled your fingers in them. « You tortured me since you arrived and I can’t even take my revenge a little bit… -I didn’t do anything… -Of course, you’re an angel aren’t you ? -Exactly » You were blatantly lying, obviously. « You are lying angel… You’ve become so naughty. Who Would have thought. Everyone thinks you are such a cute, shy girl. Do they know you’ve been having naughty thoughts about me all this time. » You were speechless, your mouth gaping, not finding anything to answer. He licked his lips, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows. « You taste so good, angel, fuck » You opened your arms, inviting him. He hugged you, tightly, kissing your lips as if it might be the last time. His tongue caressed yours as your legs parted wide, allowing him to rest between them. He finally kicked his pants away and his underwear. You were feeling him, heavy and hard against your thigh. It was maybe the last time you were seeing him like this, so you made sure to look at him with attention. He was beautiful. Something you'll never forget. He positioned himself between your legs, and you felt his hard dick between your bodies, leaking precum on your stomach. You eased your hand between the two of you, finding his cock. You let your fingers toy with his sensitive tip. « I want to make you feel good too… » He moaned as he buried his face in your neck. You nibble his bottom lip between each one of your pecks. You collected the wetness from his dick and you used it to move along his shaft. «You are going to make me feel good angel don’t worry... » He whispered, grabbing your legs. « I need you, Y/n, now » He brought your thighs almost flat against your chest and you felt yourself spread out for him. « I want you so much... » Just before entering you he looked into your eyes and you saw something you didn’t think you would see. Maybe it wasn’t only sex, maybe it was more. With a guttural groan, he entered you slowly, your breath hitching at the sensation. Sinking down inch by inch, his dark eyes carefully watched yours until he was fully seated. You felt him deep inside you, so deep you were already shaking around him. « Angel you feel so good... »

He was going slowly at first, deliberate strokes, in and out, as a regular pace.But you felt him grew more impatient, more needy. His trust were becoming harder and harder, his skin slapping yours, the noises of your wetness almost deafening. His forehead was pressed against yours, his eyes closed as he was feeling so much pleasure. His hips began to piston erratically while his stiff cock repeatedly dragged across your g-spot. You closed your eyes as your vision started to blur. « Do you feel good angel ? Fuck- -Jae- You feel so good » You wanted to scream his name, but you remembered where you were and you simply whispered his name again and again as you were feeling it coming. « Yeah angel, please, let it go » He kept moving, looking you as you were loosing yourself. He felt your pussy tightening around him. He looked at you, promising himself to remember everything of this night, of this moment with you. He finally had you, and even if it was only for a few hours, he will never forget it, always recalling your perfection. « Y/n- He wanted to tell you something, but he didn’t. Instead, he just let himself go diving completely into the pleasure he was feeling. He whispered your name,as he came. It shouldn’t felt this intimate, this meaningful. But it really did. He laid down beside you, his hand caressing your cheek. You were looking into each other eyes. You wanted to tell him, how you felt, but it wasn’t the right moment. So you stayed quiet, simply smiling. He smiled back, coming closer to kiss you again. Jaehyun had to leave soon after, but before he made you promise you won’t leave without saying goodbye. You promised, your heart heavy from just the thought of leaving without seeing him before. He kissed you one last time and left. Maybe you shouldn’t feel bad about what just happened but you did. Suddenly you weren’t so sure about your departure tomorrow. You kissed your mom goodbye, and you cried as she started telling you how much she was going to miss you. You promised her you’ll be back soon, this time more meaningful than last time. Your brother was waiting for you ready to drive you to the train station. « Sicheng ? -Yeah ? -Could we just pass by Jaehyun’s before ? -Why ? -To say goodbye to his parents. I didn’t have the time last night. » He stopped just in front of the house and you got out. Madam Jeong answered the door. « Oh darling you are already leaving ? -Yes, I am on my way to take my train. » You hugged her, and you promised her to come back soon, too. « Hm, is Jaehyun here ? -No sweetie, he is gone in town. » You wanted to cry. You had no time to wait so you simply told her to greet him for you and you left. « Is everything okay ? You look sad. » Sicheng was looking at you, almost worried. « Hmm, no I am fine. I just- Kinda don’t want to leave. -Well I was not expecting that. » It had always been kinda hard to talk to your brother. Maybe because you were radically different. « You know you can come back as soon as you want. Mom misses you, I miss you, damn even Jaehyun told me he had miss you. » Yeah you definitely were going to cry. « Thank you. -Don’t thank me. You are my sister. » At this moment you didn’t need any words. You smiled at him and hugged him goodbye. If you didn't’ knew your brother better you could swear you saw tears peaking at the corner of his eyes. « Go away now, before I change my mind and tell you to never come back. » You were waiting inside the train station, your luggage clutch in hand, as you were trying to stay warm. You were trying not to think about Jaehyun, and the fact that once again you were leaving without telling him. Your train arrived and you were walking toward your wagon, a strange feeling inside your chest. « Y/N ! » You turned around. Jaehyun was running in your direction. He arrived in front of you, out of breath. « What- what are you doing here ? -You left. -I tried, to come and say goodbye, but you weren’t there. » He just looked into your eyes, and you understood. « I couldn’t. -Couldn’t what ? -Letting you go like this. » You hugged him tightly and he answered. « I wish I could tell you not to go. -I’ll come back soon. -I know. » He kissed you, and you felt yourself leaning into his embrace more. « So goodbye… -Can’t believe you ran all the way here to kiss me goodbye. -It’s not the worst. Sicheng is waiting for me in the parking lot. I am wondering what I am going to say to him. » You laughed. Kissing him again. But soon you heard the speaker announcing the departure of your train. « I have to go… » He didn’t say anything, simply smiling sadly at you. He walked you toward your wagon watching you climb inside. « Good luck with Sicheng. -Don’t remind me please. » You smiled one last time at him before the door closed and the last thing you saw was him smiling back and your departure was feeling less bittersweet suddenly.

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anxiouslymalicious · 4 years

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Losers Club Plus One Part 8

A Richie Tozier x daughter!reader series

Read the previous part here or go here for the complete Masterlist!

A/N; Hello everyone, I’m sorry for the long wait, but I have been struggling with this one a lot and still don’t feel like it’s as good as it could be, but this is the happiest I have felt about any of the versions I have written for this chapter. Anyway, this is about 3.8k words. I hope you enjoy!

“What do you mean you don’t know? Weren’t you there when she was born?!” asked Ben, stressed out beyond belief over the whole situation. He, Bev And Richie had settled in his room while Eddie got cleaned up and Bill sat in front of Y/N’s and Richie’s room, trying to get her to open up to him. He had arrived not long after the situation escalated and had been sat before the room ever since he heard what happened. Well, after giving Richie shit for never bothering to find out. Richie wasn’t mad at Bill though. He was giving himself shit for never bothering to find out, for taking her with him, for being so careless.

“I mean that I never made a test. There was a birth certificate with her, the mother’s name wasn’t readable anymore, but it had my name on it. So, I assumed…” Richie drifted off, another painful sob racking through his body. His chest was aching more and more with every sob. He hid his face in his hands again, like he had countless times in the past half an hour. The shame was too much for him.

Richie felt the bed dip beside him as Bev sat down on his right, laying a hand on his back, her head resting against his shoulder. She was shaken up to say the least, not expecting anything like that. When she first encountered Y/N, she had thought about how little physical similarities there were between the girl and her father, but she never would have thought that there might be a bigger reason to that than genetic randomness.

Ben, meanwhile, was still pacing the room, not sure what to think of the whole situation.

“Do you want to get tested?” Beverly asked carefully. Her voice was soft and hesitant, eyes travelling from Richie to Ben and back to Richie as helplessness took over her. And not only her. None of the Losers knew what to think of anything that was going on.

Richie looked up a little, chin and mouth still covered by his hand that he never fully lifted from his face. Then, he shook his head vigorously.

“I’m scared.” He finally uttered, voice cracking and barely more than a whisper. The two Losers easily heard how rough his voice sounded, like his vocal cords had turned to sandpaper. Beverly sighed, along with Ben who ran his hand through his hair before settling his hands on his hips. He had stopped his nervous pacing and instead stepped closer to the two Losers on his bed.

“Listen, Trashmouth. You really fucked up. We all know that. But sitting here and wallowing in self-pity won’t make anything right again. You need to do something.” Ben said, kneeling down before his friend. Richie nodded as yet another sob escaped his lips.

“I’m just so scared. Did I just lose my little girl?” Richie asked, teary gaze moving from Bev to Ben. Both of them felt tears of their own stinging in their eyes. Beverly shook her head.

“I don’t think so.” She replied, trying to put as much confidence into her words as possible although she really wasn’t sure if she believed herself. Ben nodded a little, agreeing with her.

“You’re shit, Y/N knows that too. She’s hurt but I don’t think she hates you.” Ben rested one of his hands on Richie’s knee, hoping to provide some form of comfort as he looked up at the broken man. Each of the Losers had witnessed the others breaking down before. It was completely out of character for most of them, almost like an out-of-body-experience, but Ben and Beverly silently agreed that they had never before seen Richie that low.

It was hard on the other Losers too, though. It wasn’t only Richie whose heart was breaking.

Beverly was actually deeply worried for the girl. After all, Bev had never had a good relationship with her father. He had been abusive, good for nothing, but she still loved him. She still came back time and time again. And she saw herself in Y/N. She knew that Richie never meant to hurt her and wouldn’t ever dare to lay a finger on her, but if Y/N felt that being hurt by her loved ones was alright, would she find herself in a relationship like Beverly’s in the future?

Ben’s heart was aching for her. He knew what it was like to be the outcast. He knew what it was like to find people you adored dearly only to be ripped away from them again. He was sure Y/N felt that way now. Like her safe place, for both alike, the Losers Club, would be taken from her, but most importantly, the man she thought was her father, her only family, was in some ways taken away from her. It was cruel and Ben was scared that she would feel equally lost as he did when he had to move away as a kid. He never really recovered from the hurt his mother caused him back then.

Eddie was silently breaking down in his bathroom. To him, Y/N was such a little sunshine and she didn’t deserve any of this. She didn’t deserve a hurt relationship with her father like he had with his own mother growing up. Richie didn’t deserve that either, but Eddie knew just how much this loss of reality can affect someone. He himself had felt as though he had lost his grip on reality when he spent time in the hospital after breaking his arm. When he pushed his mother to her limits. When he too felt as though he was about to lose the only biological family he had left.

Lastly, Bill was desperate. He had pushed Georgie away and never got the chance to apologise. Time was ticking. What if she or Richie wouldn’t find back together? Bill couldn’t let that happen. His mind was set on saving them the eternal heartache of knowing that it was your fault that a loved one died, the heartache of knowing that the other died feeling unloved. He felt that this was his opportunity to make things right. To not give IT the satisfaction of tearing another family apart.

Which was why he was still, after half an hour, hammering against Y/N’s room door, trying to argue with the girl who mostly replied with hums and groans.

“Y/N p-p-please… This is n-not real. I p-p-promise you.” Bill tried, now growing desperate. Impatient. He felt like he was running out of time. His back was leaned against the door, teeth gnawing at his lips.

“How can you promise that?” Y/N sobbed. The hurt she felt was inexplicable. It was just too much. Her world had been torn apart, nothing made sense anymore and she felt like she just couldn’t go on.

“B-because I c-can.” Bill said, then sighed, knowing just how stupid he sounded. “W-what are we t-to you? W-w-what does the L-Losers Club mean to you?” That sounded better in his ears.

Silence. Then, “I appreciate you.”

“W-we do too. And t-the second R-R-Richie introduced you as h-his d-daughter, I d-d-decided that, to m-me, y-you are a part of this f-f-family.” Bill replied.

“I’m not Richie’s daughter though.” She said, followed by another heart-wrenching sob echoing through the door. Bill winced.

“W-What is a f-father to you?” Bill missed Stan terribly in this situation. He would have done a much better job. He had usually been able to clear everyone’s head out, bringing people closer together again, or at least he was able to talk some sense into them. A single tear managed to escape Bill’s eye, rolling down his cheek until he caught it, wiping it away with the back of his hand. He was mourning for his friend.

“I-I’m sorry, k-kiddo. Stan w-would have been much b-better at this. Sorry. I’m t-trying here, please b-bear with me.” A dry chuckle escaped Bill’s lips. “J-just… what does a p-p-person have to do t-to be a father?”

“I don’t know.” She replied. “I really don’t know. Be there for their kid, I guess. Be honest. Take good care of them. Love them and show them that they’re loved every day. Spend time with them… That stuff.”

Bill smiled a little. “D-Didn’t Richie do m-m-most of that? I mean b-besides the honesty-part.”

She sighed. “But it’ll change so much…”

“W-what exactly would it c-change?” Bill knew that he had finally cornered her. He knew that he had Y/N exactly where he wanted. Suddenly, he felt the door move, but he wasn’t quick enough to adjust his balance and fell flat on his back, met with Y/N’s tear-stained face peeking at him shyly from behind the door. Hastily, he got up as Y/N pulled the door a little further open to grant Big-Bill access to the room. He didn’t waste a second and embraced Y/N tightly, closing the door behind them.

It felt good to be held. Y/N whimpered and winced, broken sobs and shallow gasps racked pained her airways and throat, but she felt. And that was nice.

“Shhh… Y-you’re safe. E-everything will b-be alright.” Bill mumbled, hoping to calm her, but not only her. He, too, needed some support, he needed to hear those words, even if they were his own. Otherwise he knew he would go insane.

“Promise?” Y/N mumbled. She knew it would be a lie, but just for a moment, she wanted to embrace the naïve trust of the child in her. She wanted to blindly follow what the adults told her to do and what they told her would be the truth. She didn’t want to think and decide for herself, but rather go back home, to the safe distance that separated Derry from LA, that separated Derry from the rest of the world, really.

“I p-p-promise.” Bill replied. He looked at his best friend’s presumed daughter and felt utterly helpless. Could he really promise that? He wanted her to be alright, yes, but were lies the right way?

“Can you… uh…”

“Want m-me to call R-R-Richie over?”

Y/N nodded. Bill, feeling a little at ease, grinned and left the room only to reappear a few minutes later, a shaking Richie under his arm. Dried tear streaks besmirched his paler-than-usual cheeks. Richie looked tired. Mentally exhausted, yes, but it seemed almost as though he has aged about two decades in the past hour.

“I’m r-r-right outside if y-you n-need me.” Bill told the two before stepping out, closing the door behind him. Y/N remained quiet, just like Richie. He was slumped over, hands balled in the pockets of his jacket. Y/N could see how hard he was gritting his teeth, trying not to let more tears fall. Richie looked defeated.

Y/N, however, was ready to fight. Her body was rigid, tense, and Richie thought that not even that stupid bitch of a clown would survive a fight with his little girl. Not in that very moment. There was blood on her thumb, Richie assumed she had excessively bit down on it, accidentally tearing it. Richie saw the unshed tears in her eyes and dried tear streaks stained her angrily blushing cheeks.

“Y/N, I,” Richie started, but the words caught in his throat, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

She remained quiet.

“I just… Someone left you on my doorstep. They rang the bell and just took off. I had no chance of finding out who it was. But there was a letter. I still have it at home. Couldn’t throw that stupid piece of shit paper away.” A dry chuckle escaped Richie’s lips as he stepped closer to the bed, where Y/N was standing.

“It was from your mother. I can tell you what it said, or I can give you the letter once we get home. But something about it made me want to trust that unnamed person. And you were crying. So loudly and desperately, it made me cry too. I was so fucking scared. I mean, I still am, but back in the day, everything happened so suddenly and I was still living in my fucked up one-room apartment. Fuck, I still wrote my own shit.” Richie ran a hand over his face, up to his hair, then looked at Y/N. Her arms were crossed in a defensive manner in front of her chest.

“But you looked at me with those fucking huge eyes and it was like you told me that we could do this. And I trusted you. And when you grew older, you were so much like me. I never felt the need to do a paternity test. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.” Richie couldn’t hold his tears back any longer. His voice sounded shallow, pained, even. Y/N just sighed, but she could feel her own tears fall, shoulders relaxing in the slightest.

“If you want me to, I’ll take the test the second we get back home. But to me you are and will always be my daughter. Fucking biology can’t change that. Please, please forgive me, little one. Please. I’m so fucking sorry.” Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier was full-on pleading now. Pure fear had taken over his body, fear of losing the most important person in his life. The little girl he had taken care of, taken in, cared for and given all his love for the longest time of his life. He couldn’t lose her.

“It’s okay, Richie. I’d just like to know if you’re my biological father too on top of being my psychological dad.” Y/N muttered before finally letting loose, allowing her body to break down again. She knew that it wasn’t just okay. She, as much as Richie knew that it would take time to rebuild their trust, to get back to where they were. She knew that she couldn’t just forgive him for basically lying to her all her life, but he couldn’t help it. He had been blind with trust and now he would have to pay the price.

Richie hesitated for a moment, not knowing if she wanted distance between them to sort out her feelings or if she was craving the comfort from the man she considered her father throughout her whole life. Ultimately, he decided against his gut-feeling and shot up from the bed, wrapping his arms around her crumbling frame.

They cried. It was raw and real and painful, but it was just as relieving. Wet, desperate sounds of hurt and heartache crawled up their throats, echoing in the room. Struggling breaths and hurried gasps. Cries for help from above. Cries for the past.

Eddie, in his room, could hear the wailing sounds. They pained him. They made him want to cry as he cleaned himself up. Eddie didn’t want anything more than for the two to be alright. He wanted the man he loved to be alright and he wanted for that man’s daughter to be alright. Eddie’s creeping hopes of going home with them rather than going back to Myra felt as though they had been shattered. He felt guilty for not wanting to go back to her, but Eddie wanted to be happy. And he felt more than just happy when he was with the Tozier-Trashmouth-duo. He felt free and accepted and loved whereas with Myra, he felt oppressed and stuck in the same vicious circle every day of his life.

He appreciated her, he appreciated how she cared for him, how she reminded him of all the meds he had to take and how he could unwind a little with her after a long day at work. Eddie did have actual romantic feelings for that woman years and years ago, but now, he felt that all those feelings had faded and since arriving in Derry, the thought of going back to Myra made him feel uneasy more than anything.

He would much rather go home with the chaotic Toziers. Get to know how they live. He could help Richie manage his life. He could help Y/N whenever she was struggling in school. Maybe, just maybe, Eddie could stay at home, make sure that everything was cleaned and cared for, cook and plan out little weekend trips. Maybe he could pick up a small job to support the duo, or he could keep working at his job, it wasn’t something he couldn’t do elsewhere, and save whatever was left of his income for Y/N’s later education.

Eddie smiled, a blush on his cheeks, as he wet the cloth, trying to get the dirt off himself. Only seconds later, his happy daydreams were rudely interrupted by the most terrifying nightmare.

Ben had checked in with the Toziers as the cleansing cries ebbed off and were replaced with soft, uneven whimpers and whispers.

“We need you two right here with us.” He had told them, eyes moving from one tear-stained face to the other. Ben looked closely, examined their faces in the most detailed way, searching for similarities between the two and ending up a little satisfied as he found a few. Like the way their noses were curved. The fine lips, the gentle eyes. Ben found that they had more in common than they might have seen. He hoped that it wasn’t just mother nature and his own mind playing tricks on him.

“We’ll stay, don’t worry.” Richie replied as he watched Ben. Little did Ben know that neither Richie nor Y/N planned on staying in Derry. Ben had closed the door behind him, his steps outside growing quieter as he was on his way downstairs, unintentionally interrupting the kiss between Bev and Bill before proudly explaining to them how he managed to get Richie and Y/N to stay.

“Let’s leave.” Richie said hurriedly, back in the room. His heart was clenching in his chest at the thought of leaving his friends, most importantly Eddie, behind to fend for themselves, but fixing his family was more important to him. The blankness of Y/N face, the emptiness of her eyes, the lack of emotion in her facial features scared Richie more than IT ever could.

Y/N nodded. She was too exhausted to interact with Richie any longer. She felt empty, almost as though with all the tears she cried, she had cried out her heart and soul and every last emotion in her brain. She felt like something had been ripped away from her. Like she was incomplete. Although she knew that Richie wasn’t really gone. He was still there, still her father, but she still felt… Strange. Because everything she had believed as she grew up might have been a huge misunderstanding. And that was a lot to take in.

Richie smiled a little. Then, he gave her a gentle clap on the shoulder, the last non-frantic movement he would make for the next few minutes. What ensued was Richie, a constant stream of swear words leaving his lips, hastily searching the room for any items that might belong to them, carelessly throwing what was left in the room into the bags. He then grabbed both bags, gently pushing his daughter to the window where a fire escape led them outside, to the comfort of the expensive car.

Y/N climbed into the back, stretching her legs across the seats while Richie threw the bags in the trunk, slamming it close, then struggled to get in and start the car. The second the motor started, Richie seemed to be a little at ease, his shoulders relaxing further the more distance he put between his little family and the hotel of horror.

Richie had turned on the radio, a random rock song was playing, and he anxiously bopped his head along to the beat. The song sounded vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t be bothered to strain his brain for the name.

Y/N had curled up against the backseats, legs spread out over the seats. She wasn’t comfortable, but it felt better than facing the world and sitting up. She felt too tired to do that. Instead, she looked out the window, simply watching as the world passed by.

The car came to an abrupt halt, shaking the girl halfway out of her trance. She sat up a little, confused as to where the pair might be. She spotted a synagogue and let her eyes travel to Richie who now seemed to be in a little trance himself. His vision blurred with tears and he suddenly looked back at his little girl.

“Uhm… Would you- do you mind if we-“ Richie sniffled a little, pointing at the synagogue just outside. Carefully, Y/N shook her head, silently telling the man that it would be alright. And so, Richie parked the car and climbed out, leading his daughter inside. He hadn’t been there in years. Not since the bar mitzvah. Not since Stanley’s speech.

His nose filled with the typical, slightly musty smell of the place. He knew that warm but kind of old smell from the time he supported Stan when no one else would.

Richie and Y/N sat down on one of the benches and Richie’s gaze wandered through the room. In his mind, he tried to think of how it had looked back in the day. He tried to remember the decorations, how he and his mother were dressed, what Stanley wore.

How he acted. Richie’s mother had felt embarrassed that Richie couldn’t keep his Trashmouth in check for once. But not only how Richie himself acted, admittedly quite tame compared to what his teachers usually heard from him. This was about Stanley.

How he acted up against what was expected from him. How we said that he was and would always be a Loser.

How Stanley reminded Richie of who he was and would always be. That he was alright just the way he was. That he didn’t need to be afraid of who he was.

How Stanley reminded Richie that his friends needed him.

And how much he needed his friends. ‘Because Losers stick together’.

“Thank you for showing up, Stanley.” Richie sniffled in the quietest voice he could muster

And with that, Richie grabbed Y/N’s hand and pulled her outside again, ready to go meet Mike at the library. Ready to stand by his friends. Ready to fuck the bitch up who dared to lay a finger on his little girl and tried to tear them apart. And, lastly, ready to face Eddie. Because Richie really needed Eddie to know how he felt about him.

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