Pt 20 this is correct and no I will not take criticism
Talia: *talking to a random teacher at a PTA meeting (Parent teacher association meeting)* these are my children I birthed all of them it was hard but so worth it in the end *showing off pictures of Damian, Jason and Cassandra* aren’t they beautiful?
Teacher: indeed they are
Some mom: *butting into the conversation* they don’t look much like you except that one *points at Damian’s picture*
Talia: well my son Jason and daughter Cassandra take after their father
Some mom: they all have the same father? That’s shocking
Talia: excuse me?
Some mom: I’m just saying
Talia: I have only loved one man my entire life and he is the father of my children *grabs Bruce who is by the cupcake table* this is the man that impregnated me three times to give me three beautiful children! Do you not see the resemblance?
Bruce: *confused asf with a cupcake in his mouth*
3K notes
·
View notes
DC Comics Incorrect Quotes Pt 179
Steph: Hey, Tim. Are you wearing your running bottoms... and your hoodie?
Cass: Tim, are you going running?
Tim: *nods and leaves*
Duke: Have fun.
Damian: Oh my god, what is wrong with Drake right now?
Jason: Yeah, what happened?
Duke: Tim's going for a run. If anything we should be asking what's right with him.
Steph: Tim only goes running when he's upset, and he's wearing his sad hoodie.
Cass: And from the looks of it, it's been washed. Which is bone-chilling.
Duke: He's fine, everything's okay.
Dick, barging in: I just passed Tim on the street! Running! On purpose! Oh my god!
Duke: Maybe I was wrong.
Dick: *sticks his head out a window* Tim! Are you okay?! I see you, and I love you!
Duke: In my defense, nobody here emotes in a normal way.
787 notes
·
View notes
Pt 30 this is correct and no I will not take criticism
Cass: *packed up to go to her moms because she makes great Mac and cheese* (it’s a joke me and my bf made that Shiva makes the best Mac and cheese)
Steph: *packing to go with Cass because wherever Cass go she go*
Jason: *packing to go visit the league because Roy is gonna be there and Talia makes good food*
Bruce: why are all of you packing?
Jason: mom
Cass: mom
Steph: I’m just going with Cass
Bruce: at least I’ll have dam-
Damian: YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO MOMS?! WHY WASNT I TOLD YOU HEATHENS?!
Jason: HURRY UP AND PACK YOUR SHIT! Fucking demon *heading to the car with his sisters behind him*
Bruce:……never mind it’ll be me, Tim, Alfred, Dic-
Dick: BYE B! GOING TO THE TITANS! *running out the front door*
Bruce: fine it’s me, tim and Du-
Duke: bye guys! Vixen invited me over for thanksgiving! *walking out the door*
Bruce: *takes a deep breath* it’s gonna be me, alfred and T-
Tim: Bernard wants to spend thanksgiving with me! Bye Guys! *leaving*
Bruce:……FUCK!
*bonus*
Harley: I’m so glad you could join us Brucie! *sitting at the table with Ivy and their kids*
Bruce: you kidnapped me
729 notes
·
View notes
batfam as new girl quotes
steph: where are you, tim? this place is fancy and i don’t know which fork to kill myself with.
***
dick (16 y/o): i’ll take you through the whole thing. i’ll be like your guide.
jason (13 y/o): like gandalf through middle-earth?
dick: ok, first of all, let’s take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave where no one will ever find them.
jason: except smeagol. he lives in a cave.
***
tim: you text me “happy monday.” what am i supposed to do with that?
damian: oh, i don’t know. maybe have a happy monday?
(he’s trying to be nice)
***
jason: would you consider us adorable?
dick: no! we’re adult men.
dick: we’re cute.
***
cass: you always see the worst in people.
damian: yeah, because people are the worst!
***
steph: i mean, bruce, we love you, but…
steph: but you’re not a man of the people.
bruce: of course i’m not a man of the people. i’m above the people.
***
cass: we’re a family. families talk about things.
jason: no, families ignore things until they go away.
***
new parent bruce: dick, do you want to go to sleep?
9 y/o dick: no way.
bruce: if you do, i’ll write you a check for $6,000.
***
duke: what are you doing in here?
tim: eating cookies and avoiding confrontation.
(in the bathroom at a gala)
***
steph: jason, come on, that’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.
jason: they’re not best friends.
steph: come on. everybody knows they’re best friends.
***
dick: i’m in love!
damian: titus, clear my schedule. i need a word with our brother.
***
steph: duke, those shoes are not brown! they’re green!
duke: you guys are idiots! they’re as brown as money.
cass: what color is kermit the frog?
duke: brown! he’s a brown frog.
tim: duke! you’re color blind, dude.
***
bruce: darn it! has anyone seen my croquet cleats?
***
tim: hey guys, do you think i’m a good person?
steph: you’re a terrible person. it’s hilarious.
***
dick: i’m very quick on my… uh…
jason: did you just forget the word ‘feet’?
dick: feet, yeah.
(he’s been awake for 72 hours without sleep)
***
duke: i can’t believe i didn’t notice this before but damian, you are legitimately crazy.
damian: i think we’re all a little bit crazy, don’t you, thomas?
duke: no, i mean, you’re like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, professional magician crazy.
damian: it’s my grandfather’s fault.
duke: yeah okay fair enough
***
tim: if i was doing something stupid, you definitely would be involved.
dick: yeah, you’re damn right i would be. and i would probably be there to make it even stupider.
***
bruce: has anyone seen my good pea coat?
***
steph: i brake for birds. i rock a lot of polka dots. i have touched glitter in the last 24 hours!
steph: and that doesn’t mean i’m not smart and tough and strong.
***
jason: are you insane, bruce? we’re not ready.
jason: that’s like taking a musical from rehearsals straight to broadway. you got to workshop it first.
(pushing the theatre kid jason agenda)
***
dick: you realize i say goodnight to you every night and you never say goodnight back?
dick: what is the problem, jason? do you not want me to have a good night?
jason: oh my god you’re so overdramatic
***
tim: please don’t mistake my measured blank tone for calmness, as i am filled with waters of rage.
(he’s at a gala)
***
bruce: damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!
***
duke: what a dumb idea.
duke: do it.
(he is an enabler)
544 notes
·
View notes