#before I push those thoughts aside and realize how selfish and wrong that would be even if I could do it

[kindred-sims]

Caleb had been left with much to reflect upon following his confession to Jo about his fears.

He’d never really given them much thought before, he wasn’t sure if ever really had if he were to be honest. For so long he’d buried away the memory of his father’s untimely death in the back of his mind, to where it couldn’t dare do him any harm. He’d done well to put it aside, to focus on taking care of the farm for all these years, so much so that he had never really gotten the chance to let himself fully process it.

Grief was a funny thing, he thought. It chose to leave you alone for the most part, but could come creeping back in at any moment without warning, leaving you feeling as if you were suffocating. Memories you thought long since packed away would flood your mind, and would haunt you until you couldn’t stand it anymore.

This had been Caleb’s deal for years, and he didn’t think it’d affected him as much until his most recent birthday.

It felt wrong to him, that he was slowly becoming older than the man who had raised him. The man who’d always given all for his family, had taught him the important values in life and had done much in his short years to aid Caleb into becoming the honest man he was today. It was those same values that Caleb had wanted to instill in his own son, and he knew that in his own selfishness, had failed to see that he had been going about it the wrong way.

He couldn’t change who Henry was becoming, it was impossible and he realized that now, no matter how much he hoped the opposite.

The least he could do was try and make him understand.

One afternoon, when Henry had returned from school, Caleb had pulled him aside and asked him if he would like to go on a walk with him, as there was something he wanted to show him. Henry had been skeptical at first, thinking it to be a ploy to get him out in the fields, but he’d complied and the two had departed together.

It’d been a mostly quiet walk, as Caleb hadn’t really been sure what to say. He’d never been a man of many words, at least, not the big important ones. He knew his son was likely still cross with him for the argument, for the awful things he’d overheard, and he couldn’t exactly blame him for that. He just hoped that by doing what he was doing now, that he could make things right again.

“Where are we going, Papa?” He was brought back to reality by his son’s voice, glancing to see that familiar sense of curiosity sparkling his expression.

“Oh, so you thought to ask me just now, did you?” Caleb chuckled lightly, in spite of his troubled thoughts. “Well, Henry, you heard me before. There’s something very important that I’ve been meaning to show you, and I think today you’re finally ready to see it.”

“Yes, but what is it? I want to know!”

“In due time, son. We’re almost there, I promise.”

Henry huffed impatiently, but had said nothing else, and they continued on, not stopping until they’d reached the promised destination.

Two gravestones. Placed beneath a giant oak tree, the names Irving James Wakefield and Elizabeth Rose Wakefield engraved into them. Of course, one stone was more worn than the other, much as Caleb had tried to keep it tidy over the years. Admittedly he’d slacked on doing so lately, and could all but feel his mother’s presence nagging at him for it.

When was the last time he’d even been here, he had no idea. And he felt shame for it.

“These are your grandparents, Henry,” Caleb explained, as Henry said nothing, only staring long and hard.

“I figured it was high time you met them,” he continued. “See, they used to run the farm themselves, a long time ago. And when I was ‘round your age...well…”

Caleb paused, the words catching in his throat before he could speak them. He didn’t want to speak them, wanted so much to push them back away where they belonged, where they wouldn’t bother him.

But he needed to speak them. He had to.

“...your grandfather—my papa, got into a terrible accident one day, and was killed on his way coming home from town…”

Horrid memories flashed in front of him, visions of the neighbor who had found the accident approaching their front step, Mama fainting to the ground as soon as she’d been told. How he himself had run away to the fields, and had refused to come back inside, not even when night fell.

Shakily inhaling, he kept on.

“That left me to take care of the farm, and you know what that meant for me?”

Henry shook his head.

“It meant dropping out of school. It meant throwing my books away, and getting my hands dirty, because I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t let all the things my papa worked so hard for to go to waste.”

“But...what about school? Didn’t you miss it?”

“Honestly? No. It’d be a sin if I were to say otherwise,” Caleb admitted.“Oh sure, I missed my friends, and I miss the opportunities it could’ve given me, but I decided a long time ago there was no use in grieving what I couldn’t have. I learned to be content with my lot in life, and that I could live with the sacrifices if it meant I’d made my mama and papa proud.”

He turned to face Henry, kneeling to be level with him. A serious, gentle expression on his face.

“You see now, son, that I didn’t mean anything cruel by my words. They didn’t come from a place of anger, nor did they come from a place of hatred,” he said. “This farm, this land, is our home, Henry. It has been for at least three generations now, ever since your great-great grandfather set foot on it a long time ago. When I see you shirking your responsibilities, it makes me worry you might grow to be careless, that you won’t put the same love and effort into this place that we Wakefields have been doing for a long time now. And—and I’m not trying to say that your mother wasn’t right, that you don’t deserve a chance to go out and have fun, I just want to know that you’ll give just as much care to your chores. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I...think I do, Papa…”

“Good. That’s good. And while we’re at it, I should let you go ahead and know – I’m perfectly alright if you want to go off and play with your new friend...what was her name, Millicent? Your mama already told me all about her and how nice of a girl she is, so I won’t stand in your way if you want to spend time with her.”

“Really? You mean that?” Henry’s eyes lit up, making Caleb’s heart swell. Such earnestness, such eagerness reminding him of himself at that age. Perhaps he and Henry did have some things in common after all.

“’Course I do. But it does come with its regulations, you know. I don’t want to be coming home to find your chores unfinished anymore, you hear? Anything I tell you to do, you get done, and then you can go spend time with your friend—or you could even read your books, if that’s what you wanted. Does that sound fine to you?”

“Yes sir! I’ll do my best, I swear I will,” Henry was beaming now. He threw his arms around Caleb in a hug, and Caleb was glad to return it, as the heavy clouds that had been gathering in his mind for the past few days slowly began to dissipate.

#sims 4 #ts4 #ts4 history #ts4 historical #decades challenge #wakefield legacy #1890s

[givemeanaccountalready]

Musings on Deep Cover

So, I was fiddling with my ladies of Milgram post, and uh, I started thinking about Kotoko's diss track.

The lyrics transcribed on the Deep Cover video are:

UNDER Doltish 001 Parasite / UNDER Obscene 002 Slut / UNDER Incessant 004 Phony Queen / UNDER Doomed 005 Dissection Pawn / UNDER Concealing 007 Deceiver / UNDER Inept 011 Guard

My favorite is Ninjastic Cheetah's fan edit on YouTube which has these lines:

UNDER A worthless 01 parasite / UNDER A vulgar 02 slut / UNDER A stubborn 04 perjury / UNDER Unsalvageable 05 dissection / UNDER Lying 07 madman / UNDER Unloved 11 prison guard

Again, I love the psychic damage of "unloved" being Es's insult, but that's not the point I want to discuss before I turn in for the night.

Don't get me wrong. I love the diss track. I really do, but if I were Kotoko, I would have gone for the jugular and called out their insecurities when dropping names to emphasize how little I thought of how their justifications:

UNDER Fatal 001 leech / UNDER Lonely 002 little girl / UNDER Whiny 004 usurper / UNDER Short-sighted 005 savior / UNDER Selfish 7 manipulator / UNDER Misguided 011 pretender

Now, as fun as that was, this wasn't just a little aside. In Kotoko's diss track, she doesn't say anything that couldn't have been picked up from listening to voice dramas (if Kotoko did in fact eavesdrop on all the other prisoners' interrogations) or found within the timeline conversations. In their second trial interrogations, Yuno admits to being a sex worker and having an abortion, while Kazui laments the fact that he's lived his entire life as a liar and states that he should have kept lying for Hinako's sake. Shidou agrees with Es that his murders involved his work as a doctor and hints that pressuring families to donate the organs of their brain-dead loved ones wasn't the only murder he's done. I've kind of said it before when I said "Local man discovers empathy," but I think he pushed patients to undergo risky, new surgeries in hopes that it would treat their conditions, and it was only when his wife and two boys were in the hospital that he realized the terror those families felt when their loved ones went under the knife. Haruka admitted to killing things smaller than him to gain his mother's attention and his unhealthy dependence on approval from his "mother" figures is obvious in the second trial. Muu contradicts herself a lot when defending herself from what she perceives to be abuse and preens under the positive attention Haruka gives her. She does seem to think herself above approach like a queen would. With Es? I think it was Kazui who said it best back during the first trial: the only difference between Es and the prisoners are the roles assigned. Undermining their authority and implying they can't do their job is a surefire way to piss off Es. Why do I bring this up?

I think Kotoko may know less than we and Es do.

Mainly because it hasn’t really been explained how the song extraction device works. We know that it pulls memories from an individual’s subconscious and turns them into a musical number. We know that the in-universe explanation for the time gap between trial songs is that it needs to charge between uses. That’s stuff Jackalope told us back in the Welcome to Milgram video. From the voice dramas, we know the general procedure is that a prisoner is called to the interrogation room, Es arrives late as a power move and then interrogates the prisoner until the bell sounds and we can hear machines or something whirring and clanking in the background. Since it’s an audio, we don’t know what the interrogation room looks like before and after the bell tolls, but there seems to be an implication that the room changes and that the prisoners are belted into the chair. I’m not so sure if the chair is real but the first trial voice dramas have me an implication of the prisoners being restrained in some way.

If I had to guess, I would say that the round, bird cage like room we saw in Undercover and Deep Cover is the interrogation room. That would explain what the circular room on the map is (not the one with the numbered cells, the one opposite of that). Undercover implies that the song extraction device opens up to work, but we’re not told or shown how it pulls memories or how it depicts the music video. Es and the prisoner may very well be “asleep” while this process plays out mentally. Or it is projected somewhere within the interrogation room while the prisoner is “asleep” since none of them seem to remember what happens after the bell rings.

I have a thousand questions on how this device works. The only important one is how are the songs shown to Es, because if Kotoko knew exactly what some of the first trial Innocent prisoners had shown in their videos (namely, Haruka strangling his younger self and clearly bludgeoning something to death with a bloody rock, and Muu stabbing Rei), she most likely would have judged Es’s verdicts as faulty and attacked the prisoners based on how she views the crimes rather than relying on Es's verdict. I say this with confidence, because Kotoko has made it clear that her vigilante actives, both in Milgram and before, are a way for her to inflict punishment that others (namely the justice system) won’t dole out to the guilty. She has no problem with skirting the system to do that.

But, if the songs are only shown to Es and Es alone through some kind of mental link, then Kotoko is forced to take Es’s word on what they (and we, the audience) saw. Deep Cover made it clear that Es's refusal to condemn more prisoners is what ticked Kotoko off, since she sees mercy and compassion as weaknesses to be eliminated. Kotoko actually showed a remarkable amount of restraint when trying to sway Es back to her side. It wasn't until Es stood up to Kotoko that she lost her composure.

It also would partially explain why some say that Deep Cover is Kotoko’s musical version of a resume for the warden position. If there is stuff that Es knows that she isn’t privy to because of their warden position, then she needs to obtain either the warden status or an official deputy position to get that information to further influence how Es votes. If she is proving her worth to Es and Milgram, why wouldn’t her subconscious show her desire to be in control the way Es is?

#milgram predictions #milgram #milgram es #kotoko yuzuriha #yuzuriha kotoko #this was supposed to brief #then I fixed kotoko's diss track #homie if you gonna insult people #go for the throat #seriously #how does milgram's song device work #kotoko would have changed her hit list if she saw the music videos #i'm just saying #it is totally in-character of her #to dig just deep enough to assign blame and dole out punishment #but not question what she's been told #she's so messy #i love it #if I'm right #I'm gonna cackle so hard

[silverynight]

The roommate

<---Previous

Part X

Since Izuku is Todoroki's roommate he spends a lot of time with him, especially when the pro hero has a day off; he brings Izuku dinner, goes to buy groceries for the both of them and is constantly surprising Izuku with kisses now that he can.

"I've always wanted to do that," he whispers against the green haired man's lips. "You have no idea."

Izuku blushes and shakes his head; if the amount of times he's been kissed for the last couple of minutes is any indication then he can definitely get an idea.

After a couple of days, Bakugo brings up the fact that Todoroki has more opportunities to spend time with him. He doesn't look very happy about it.

"I want to spend the same amount of time with you." It's amazing how much the years have changed him, the young boy Izuku used to know would have never been so open about his feelings.

"Kacchan, Shoto is my roommate, I can't just–"

"I know," the blond cuts him off as soon as he notices Izuku's nervous demeanor; he holds one of his hands to calm him down. "But I've been thinking... Maybe you could... stay at my place for a couple of days."

"That sounds good actually," he mumbles after a couple of seconds; he's spend the night at Bakugo's place before so he thinks that won't be a problem.

Besides, it's only fair.

Todoroki is not exactly thrilled about it, but he agrees. However, for a moment, Izuku worries. He knows it wasn't going to be easy to keep everyone happy, but he wants to try, even though it's just temporary.

He shakes his head to push those thoughts aside at least for a while because he has realized that the mere idea of choosing is causing him pain.

Although he knows he shouldn't be selfish; they haven't talked about it after that first date, but sooner or later they'll ask him to choose.

And he must be ready for that.

***

It seems Bakugo was prepared because he asked for a couple of days off just to spend time with Izuku.

Bakugo has the spare room ready for him this time; Izuku is glad because now that they're dating it'll feel different to sleep in the same bed.

Of course... It's not like he's waiting to get married to have sex, but he's not ready for that now because they just started a relationship and there's the fact that he's dating two pro heroes at the same time.

He's not sure he can take it further with any of them before choosing someone.

Maybe he should... stop thinking about that for now.

Bakugo makes dinner for the both of them and persuades Izuku to watch a movie on the couch, at least it's not a horror movie this time.

At some point during dinner, Izuku notices Bakugo getting flustered, he even starts blushing; at first he thinks he did something wrong, but then the blond begins to rub the back of his neck shyly.

"Would you... wear one of my tshirts like last time? I like seeing you in my clothes," he admits, turning even more red after the last words.

"Oh!" Izuku is sure he's as red as the pro hero now. "O-Okay..."

"Only if you are comfortable with it, because if you don't–"

"It's okay," he assures him in a whisper, smiling sweetly at him. "I like wearing your clothes, even though they're too big for me."

They cuddle on the couch for a while, the movie is really interesting, but the truth is that Izuku gets easily distracted every time Bakugo leans closer to give him a kiss on the top of his head or on the lips.

They both have a good time.

***

Izuku gives Bakugo a goodbye kiss before he heads to work and can't believe he hasn't stopped grinning since he woke up.

His co-workers are really happy for him, although they beg him to stay away from Twitter, which is very difficult because now Izuku is wondering what's so bad for them to want him to stay away from it.

So of course he opens the app on his free time and he immediately regrets it.

He should focus on the people who wish them happiness and good things instead of the ones who are criticizing Izuku for what he's doing: they say it's unfair to the pro heroes, others say he shouldn't be keeping the two, that he should let them be happy with someone who doesn't cheat on them.

But he's not cheating... He... They agreed to this, they're–

Some of them are calling him a whore now. Izuku runs towards the bathroom and stays there for a while, until he's able to stop the tears... He washes his face and goes back to work, pretending his co-workers are not staring at him with worry.

"You opened Twitter, didn't you?" One of them sighs.

"Don't pay attention to those idiots... They're just jealous and bitter. Besides, you know there's a lot of people who are tweeting about how beautiful you are? There's a lot of thirst tweets about you and your..."

"I'm sorry, but I need to focus here," he says quietly pointing at his designs, trying to smile at them but failing. He knows they want to make him feel better, but he can't stop thinking about people calling him unfair.

When Bakugo comes to pick him up from work, Izuku decides to push those thoughts aside for the time being so the pro hero doesn't have to worry about him.

However, it seems like he knows him better than Izuku thought he did because he looks at him with concern.

"Are you okay, Izuku?" He whispers before pressing a soft kiss to the other's cheek.

"I'm fine, Kacchan," he smiles (or tries to) before kissing him back, but this time on the lips.

Bakugo clearly doesn't believe him, but it seems like he decides not to press him on the matter for now.

"I can't wait to have dinner with your friends, Kacchan!" He grins, although part of him starts worrying that Bakugo's friends might agree with what some people are saying on Twitter. What if they're angry with Izuku? What if they think he's being unfair to Bakugo?

Izuku shakes his head, trying to calm himself down. It works... for a couple of minutes.

***

Next--->

Patreon

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #bkdk #bakudeku #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #tddk

[081314]

Glorious Masquerade – Episode 5 (Part 2)

Following is part 2 of a summarized translation of Episode 5 of the Glorious Masquerade Event from Twisted Wonderland. This is a long one, so I'm splitting it up in order to be able to include all the images.

Spoilers below!

Idia notes that Malleus is out of breathe, and realizes if they’d been standing by him just now they would have gotten caught up in his attack. That’s why he asked them to fall back.

Malleus mutters to himself that Rollo might as well be a monster, too. To think he’d push Malleus to this extent just through his persistence alone. He says if anything, he’ll praise Rollo for his mettle, at least.

Malleus says if Rollo still wants to fight it out some more, he’ll be happy to take him on.

Rollo panics and says he gets it! It’s over! He lost!

He steps aside and tells them they can go ring the bell. Malleus goes up to the bell and says they will think of how to deal with Rollo later, after they finish getting rid of the flowers.

As Malleus walks by, Rollo laughs and says he really is a fool to turn his back on him like that. He uses his magic and sets the room on fire, and Malleus disappears in the flames.

However, he walks through the fire a moment later and is just fine. He smiles and asks Rollo if he really thought he’d be afraid of a little bit of heat like that. He strides up to the bell and tells Rollo it’s time to put an end to this.

Rollo screams at him to stop, but it’s too late. Malleus has rung the Bell of Salvation.

The scene transitions to Grim, Yuu, and Trein down in the city. They are all exhausted from picking out flowers and Trein can’t even feel his back anymore. Grim keeps getting chased by the flowers and whines for Trein to do something, and starts pawing at his shoulders. Trein shouts in pain, and despairs as the flowers continue to spread. Just then, they hear the bell ringing in the distance.

Back at the belltower, the Malleus, Idia, and Azul can see the flowers are wilting and falling down all around them. They can see from the window that the same is happening to the flowers down in the city. Malleus is relieved they were able to get to the bell before the flowers spread outside of town.

While they rejoice, they hear Rollo crying. The crimson flowers, his flowers, his salvation, it’s all withering away before him. He yells at them, asking them why they’ve done this.

He continues to call them scoundrels, and Malleus and Azul figure he really does seem to be thinking that he’s in the right here. Or else, he wouldn’t be able to justify his actions to himself.

Rollo balks and says he’s not at fault! It’s magic! Magic is what took his brother away from him. All he was doing was just trying to make things right.

Azul and Malleus look down in silence.

Idia sighs. He doesn’t want to listen to Rollo’s run-of-the-mill attempts at self-preservation anymore. Just because Rollo thought that ridding the world of magic would bring peace, that doesn’t mean everyone else thinks that. He’s just operating on what he thinks what peace means. Idia scoffs at him.

Idia says Rollo’s been saying all this time that he’s doing this for his little brother, but his brother never asked him for that, did he? With a glare, he warns Rollo not to just go and decide himself what his brother would have wanted him to do. He can’t use these fabricated desires to absolve himself.

Rollo is taken aback and starts to say that Idia is wrong, but Idia continues.

Idia explains that he’s not trying to say it’s bad for Rollo to keep carrying those feelings of guilt with him. He doesn’t think it’s wrong for people to keep thinking about loved ones that they have lost.

But what Rollo is trying to do isn’t for his brother’s sake, it’s for his own sake. And that’s selfish. It’s not his brother or the world he wants to save...it’s just himself.

Rollo is shocked. He’s just been trying to save… himself?

Idia says, “Uh, what’s with that face? Don’t tell me you seriously hadn’t realized it until just now? Geez... Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s one thing if you’re a genius like me, but it’s probably difficult for normies to figure out.”

Azul tells him he could have just left out that last bit :///

Rollo gets fed up and says he doesn’t want to listen to these scoundrels blabbering anymore. Whether they want to deliver punishment on him personally or hand him over to the police, he tells them to do whatever they want.

Malleus smiles and says they certainly will. But first, there’s something he wants to check on downstairs.

The bind Rollo’s arms with some rope and the group heads downstairs. Malleus seems to be searching for something, and he quickly finds what he’s looking for: the gargoyle. Before he can say anything, the gargoyle rushes up to them with a smile.

It’s so happy they are all okay, and Malleus is delighted the gargoyle has come back to life thanks to the bell’s magic.

Rollo had thought Malleus had wanted to come down here to look for their classmates or something. He can’t understand why he came to find the gargoyle of all things. Idia tries to explain to him that the gargoyle is Malleus’s oshi, but Rollo doesn’t understand.

Azul adds that Malleus loves gargoyles so much that he founded the Gargoyle Research Club at NRC, and Rollo just gets even more confused.

Just then, a whole group of gargoyles come out to greet them. They all also came back to life thanks to the bell.

Malleus is overjoyed to be surrounded by so many gargoyles, with their wonderful, distinct personalities. (Azul and Idia whisper that they all look the same.)

The gargoyle thanks everything for saving them all, and asks for Azul and Idia’s names since they weren’t introduced before. He says thank you Malley, Idi, and Azu!

Malleus is so happy the gargoyle gave him a nickname 😭

The gargoyle thanks everyone not just for saving them, but also for saving Rollo before it was too late. The gargoyle says if there’s ever anything that Rollo wants to talk about, the gargoyles will always be waiting in the belltower for him, happy to talk.

Rollo laughs at the thought of a hunk of stone offering to lend him its ear, but after Malleus GLARES at him he quick changes his tune and says he will consider taking up its offer.

The gargoyle: “Thank you. Thank you, truly, Malley.”

Malleus: “Don’t worry about it. If you’re happy, then Malley is happy, too!”

Azul and Idia are shook that Malleus referred to himself in the third-person like that, and with his new nickname, to boot 😭

(In JP, referring to yourself in third person is considered to be childish. So, they are shocked because he basically is doing cutesy talk like he’s a little kid or something)

Rollo gets sad and says he can’t believe he just lost to this weird dude sjfkskjf

Malleus regains his composure and says they must go and look for their other friends, though it pains him to have to leave.

The group heads down the tower and Idia soon complains about his legs hurting. They eventually make it down to the lower floors, and Silver and Sebek rush up to greet them. The VP and advisor from NBC are also with them.

Silver and Sebek are relieved that Malleus is okay. Sebek says he trusted that Lord Malleus would prove victorious in battle, and Malleus says he had faith in them, too. He know his guards would certainly make it out alright.

The NBC VP explains that when the flowers attacked them in the hall, they fell unconscious. The sound of the bell ringing woke them up, and they noticed all the flowers were gone. But they couldn’t find Rollo and went looking for him. They ask if Rollo is injured anywhere, and want to know what happened and what those flowers were.

Rollo frowns and starts to explain, but Malleus interrupts.

Malleus says those flowers were the Crimson Flowers and they can absorb magic. And the reason those flowers appeared last night is because…. Well, nobody knows.

Rollo and the NRC students react in shock.

Malleus continues and says they came to ring the Bell of Salvation since they knew it would get rid of the flowers.

Sebek starts to say, “But wasn’t it-“ but he gets cut off by the NBC students who ask if Rollo had helped save everyone, too. Rollo tries to decline, but Azul butts in and says yes and that Rollo reached the top of the bell tower before the rest of them.

The NBC students are happy to hear this, as they hadn’t expected any less from their president. He always does the right thing, after all. Just like the Righteous Judge!

Rollo is taken aback and tries to explain the truth about what happened, but Malleus stops him. Malleus asks the NBC VP and advisor if they could do him a favor. He asks them to go check on their friends from NRC who are scattered throughout the school and town. They are probably exhausted by now. The NBC students readily agree to help and run off to go check up on everyone.

After they leave, Rollo asks what the meaning of all this is. He asks if they are showing him compassion, or just looking down at him in pity. He yells that he doesn’t need them to do all this for him.

Malleus explains that he decided this was the appropriate punishment for him. They will leave it up to Rollo to decide if he wants to come clean to everyone, or just continue to act like he doesn’t know what happened.

Rollo laughs and says now all he has to do is keep quiet and he can get away with everything scott-free. Malleus says that’s fine if he wants to do that. He can just lie to himself and deceive everyone. But he won’t be able to fool the Bell of Salvation, which has always watched over him.

Rollo doesn’t understand. Malleus explains that Rollo treasures the bell dearly, and yet he tried to use it for evil. It’s up to him if he wants to repent or not, and whether he confesses to everything or keep quiet, his heart will suffer under the burden of his regret either way. Malleus smiles and says there is no other punishment that could torment him so.

Rollo laughs bitterly and says that scoundrels certainly do know how to make people suffer.

Malleus asks Sebek and Silver if they are okay with his decision.

Silver considers that Malleus is doing this in order to question Rollo’s conscience. He thinks it’s a great decision, and the best option they have. Sebek is firmly in agreement with his Lord’s decision and is delighted he is able to serve such a wondrous master.

Azul rolls his eyes at Sebek’s enthusiasm, and says they all appear to be forgetting something very important…the ball!

The ball is the centerpiece of the exchange event and is supposed to be held on the second night of their stay... which is tonight! If it gets out that Rollo was behind the whole flower fiasco, then the ball will get canceled. He tells Rollo if he’s going to end up confessing, please wait to do it until they have returned back home! :///

Malleus crosses his arms and agrees with Azul. Rollo blanches and says you guys seriously wanted to go to the ball that much?? And Malleus says YES. Sebek yells that if this is what Lord Malleus desires, then the ball MUST go on!

Idia thinks they should just cancel it, considering they just got finished dealing with a literal crisis and everyone is tired. But Rollo gives up and says they the ball will go on. If they celebrate in honor of the NRC students who saved everyone, then the other students probably won’t have a problem if they go ahead and have the ball for that sake.

Malleus is glad to hear it. He says this way, he will still be able to say that he got invited to something.

Azul suggests they get some rest and get ready for the ball. Idia sighs. He says it looks like they are still planning to bring out the “you know what” that they had prepared.

Episode 5, part 3

Episode 5, part 1

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

#glorious masquerade #my tl #twst #twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #azul ashengrotto #idia shroud #sebek zigvolt #silver #rollo flamme

[nash-artz-my-gays]

Stay With Me

This fic is for @pastelpaperplanes Thorns and Thrones au

⚠️ Has char death and some nsfw! ⚠️

Anyways enjoy the angst! >:]

They were so close. So close to the Allspark. Optimus knew it. But he also knew that it would be an end to his and Megatronus' journey together. They had been through so much, Optimus knew who Megatronus really was now, but he had forgiven him, as he truly loved Optimus, but he felt selfish now, he didn't want to say 'goodbye' to the mech he had shared so many wonderful, passionate nights with. He didn't want to let go of the tender moments, of the warmth of the other's arms. Just the thought made the knight want to turn around and go the wrong way. He had finally found love, and he didn't want to let that go. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fucking fair that once he found the Allspark that he'd lose the most important mech to him. And not long ago, a few months ago, Megatronus had confessed his love for Optimus. It just wasn't fair to him. So that night, he made sure that Megatronus knew how much Optimus cherished him, how much he loved the larger mech.

"Mmm, Optimus~" Megatronus purred as he was kissed sweetly. Arms protectively around Optimus' smaller frame. The two were sitting in the berth the two were sharing at a local inn. Optimus had Megatronus pinned down in the berth, the smaller mech straddling his waist and slightly grinding on the slight bulge in Megatronus' pants. Getting the larger mech to groan softly. "You're eager tonight, is something wrong my little knight?" Megatronus asked and looked up at his love, watching as Optimus' finals went red and pressed into the touch of his beloved. Optimus wouldn't answer and just kissed Megatronus as much as he could, taking in as much as he could of his larger love. "I love you." Optimus muttered into the kiss over and over again, grinding down harder on Megatronus and letting out small whimpers as he just wanted to get lost in the moment of the night. Megatronus groaned and deepened the kiss, clawed servos pulling the strings of the younger mech’s corset, pulling it off and tossing it aside. Megatronus loved on his little knight as he undressed Optimus, touching his body oh so gently. Though, he paused to look at Optimus and look into those soft sapphire optics. “Optimus… something’s troubling you.” Megatron then murmured, shifting to have Optimus on his back, watching his lover’s face as he averted Megatronus’ gaze. “Speak to me my love, i’m not going anywhere, -” He was promptly cut off seeing Optimus tear up. “Not yet anyways… you're going to leave me after this… I just know it…” Optimus mumbled, though nuzzled into Megatronus’ touch as the larger mech held Optimus’ cheek and used his thumb to wipe away tears. “Orion, I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving the mech I've made love to and held so close to my spark just like that. My little knight, where you go I will always follow.” Megatronus said in a hushed tone as he kissed his beloved’s helm before his lips then audial fin. “Now, let me help you forget you'd think I'd ever leave a mech like you.” He whispered as he ran his large servo down Optimus’ front and pulled his pants down, purring when he ran his servo along his knight’s things and spike, then down to his wet folds. “Mmm, Megatronus…” Optimus moaned softly, gasping as he felt something nudge him. Looking down, he hadn’t realized Megatronus was already stripped. He gulped and gave a nod before Megatronus pushed his spike into Optimus’ valve, gaining the mech below him to keen and squirm. “F-fuck~” He gasped and clung to Megatronus, moaning as the mech pushed fully inside of him. “Shhh, I've got you my dear, I've got you.” Megatronus murmured as he kissed and nipped at Optimus' neck.

Later the next day, the two were back on the road, feeling better, Optimus leaned into Megatronus as they held each other's servos, he glanced up at Megatronus, smiling softly as he caught the mech’s optics. “You’re in a better mood, my dear.” Megatronus hummed warmly before glancing ahead. They were close, the cold was going away, and wherever the Allspark was, there was life. As they approached, Optimus led them to the green lush of the area, yep, closer than they thought, as there was a soft glow ahead. They found it. But what they also found were mecha wanting Megatronus gone. The Autobots. How? Wasn’t it just Optimus? Megatronus looked at his little knight who looked shocked, and worried. “Optimus Prime, and here I thought you could redeem yourself, yet here you are, with the enemy of our faction.” Ultra Magnus spoke before motioning for the other mecha with him to arrest Megatron and Optimus. Optimus was in a panic, and so Megatron moved to protect his lover. “Get any closer and I'll kill you all.” Megatron hissed, drawing his weapons. Though as he was about to protect his lover, he hadn’t thought that they’d have a crossbow, and the next thing Optimus knew, his lover was on the ground, gasping as he ripped the arrow out of his chassis and held his wound. “Run Optimus! Get out of here my love!” Megatron growled as Optimus went to his side, in tears. “No! I’m not leaving you! Come on, you’d promise you’d stay with me! Y-you promised-” He was hushed as Megatron held his servo up to Optimus’s cheek. “Don’t cry over me, I don't deserve it. You’ll find someone after me.” He chuckled weakly as Optimus clung to him and held onto Megatron, crying as his lover died in his arms, though screamed as he was pulled away from Megatron, crying out to be let go, but it was no use.

FIN

#my fic #thorns and thrones au #tfa #transformers #tfa megatron #tfa optimus prime #angsty #valveplug #major char death #gonna make you cry pastel >:)

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I was dreaming about my dad again last night... Just saying over and over again that I want my dad back, essentially. I think I was crying in my sleep. Oy. And I just remembered this.

Losing a parent sucks. In some ways, it feels like I’m doing better and accepted it... and other times, not at all? But I feel that’s natural.

I know after I first lost my dad, my mom and I ran into one of my parents’ friends in the store and he’d of course lost a parent(s) too, and was saying how things would never be the same. And that’s probably true.

And I know I read some articles after it happened, about how people say “It gets better”, but the writer was still waiting for “better” to come.

It’s probably something you never get over, and you’ll always feel half-dead and like half of you is missing: because it is.

#part of me is tempted of making a post about all that one might feel when losing a parent (or at least that I did) #so people are prepared and maybe have some idea when it happens to them #but I also know how depressing that would be and am refraining from it for that reason #but even though I miss my dad and selfishly want him back here for me... I'm actuallyglad he didn't have to go through 2020 #he would have hated it #God knew what he was doing there #and it's weird... it's been more than a year now so you would think I'd for sure be in the acceptance stage now #and sometimes I think maybe I am #but other times I think I'm more in denial than I ever have been. like I can't accept that this happened the way it did #I've even had crazy thoughts about trying to crack time travel and going back to savemy dad #before I push those thoughts aside and realize how selfish and wrong that would be even if I could do it #basically I'm not okay. I'm still not okay I should say. and as much as it sucks I probably never completely will be again #and that seems to be the norm in losing a parent

[redphlox]

Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he’s doing the opposite of what he wants. He just keeps pushing away his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

Not to mention that Dabi literally can't cry. He has no way to release those emotions, so instead of trying to let them out, he pushes them down. But that doesn't work and is detrimental in the long run. In 290-294 we saw Dabi's flames burn so hot during his confrontation with Endeavor and revealing himself as Touya that his burns have spread. Dabi is afraid of his feelings because of their connection to his flames, but he also uses his feelings to his advantage. He wants to go out in an inferno along with Shouto just to hurt Endeavor and put an end to his own suffering and Endeavor's career. This is why Dabi doesn't bother calming himself down or denying that he never forgot how he was treated when he lived at home. Dabi became emotional in that battlefield, smiling maniacally instead of crying because he physically can't cry. In his mind, if his feelings are going to destroy him, he might as well use them to prove a point. After all, he has experience being used. It's why he was born.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it's understandable that Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself. He knows his plot to get justice will hurt his siblings and mother and to live with himself and move forward he represses those feelings.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He acts like he doesn't care about his family but still calls them affectionate names. He acts like he hates Endeavor and calls him by his name but still wants his attention. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

#dabi #touya todoroki #toya todoroki #shouto todoroki #shoto todoroki #bnha #bnha meta #my meta #endeavor

[angelguk]

omg so i sent in an ask re angst jock jk n oc ! but then i also realized its highly possible these 2 break up at one point while in uni mostly bc of the "are we dating bc its convenient" kinda dilemma and then it just pushes them apart bc they think theyre losing theirselves while being in such a close relationship,,,cue save ur tears by theweeknd BUT i just know when they grow up a lil bit more, theyll end up together <3

here we go! (the beginning of the end....may be...)

didn’t include save your tears as the soundtrack but may haps for the follow-up :3

pairing: jock!jk and oc

warnings: angst, yes the break-up scene, jaykay being an ass (a very huge one motivated by his own insecurities and selfishness – translation: he’d rather break her heart and carry that weight than be the heartbroken one), chayoung is no longer Seed of Doubt but something else (still up for debate but she’s fairly nice here), not edited but hey atp that’s part of my branding (also i would like everyone to consider that oc is not the greatest gf ever like guys don’t hate jk alone!!)

soundtrack: bags, clairo + stay, gracie abrams + say you know, alina baraz

(titled — honeymoon fades)

Jeongguk’s contact name hasn’t lit up the screen of your phone for six days now and you haven’t seen his face for just as long. It’s weird to go from constant incessant  communication to complete and utter radio silence. Not a single meme deposited in your Instagram inbox, no random notification from his Twitter. Just silence, quiet brewing silence. 

It breaks two days later when Chayoung finds you coddled under your duvet, mouth stuffed with the saccharine sweetness of mint chocolate. (Jeongguk kept a stash of it at your place but who was around to eat it anymore apart from you?). 

“And why do you look like you live in a dumpster?” She’d hummed, ripping open the curtains you’d involuntarily welded shut. 

“Because that’s how I feel inside,” you’d retorted, pushing aside your laptop. The screen is stuck with an image of an idiotic character named Nabi kissing the spawn of Satan. You hope for her sake it works out. Chayoung had huffed at your response, fondly whacking your head with a stray pillow. 

“Well get over that feeling cause we’re going out tonight.” A declaration, the fierceness in her feline eyes a warning that you’re not allowed to even think of saying no. That doesn’t mean you hadn’t tried – sorrowful eyes and pouted lips as you begged her to spare you. But Chayoung is a force of nature, one that could easily wreak havoc on your delicateness. And she does though, with a string of comments that propels you out of the miserable burrow you’d dug up. 

“You’re killing everyone, you know?” She’d supplied, yanking open your closet. “You’re sulking, Jeongguk is shutting down. He’s said like five words since this whole...thing...you have going on.” 

You couldn’t help but scoff at that, toying with the corner of the large grey shirt donned on your body. Jeongguk’s shirt. One of his favourites actually. You’d thought about stealing it after spying it on his obsessively neat laundry pile, but after seeing your wandering eyes he’d given it to you instead. 

“He always does that,” you’d said after Chayoung had whipped her head in your direction, curved eyebrows perplexed. “I mean, shut down. It’s his emotional response to things that bother him. Complete detachment so it hurts less.”

She had just stared at you, a long meaningful look at left your skin prickled. 

“Huh.”

“What do you mean ‘huh’?”

A measured step forward, her body weight sinking into the edge of your mattress a moment later. “I mean, you know him so well.”

“Of course I do he’s my best-friend,” you’d said, indignation coating your words

“No–No you're not getting me. You know him. You know he wouldn’t make the move to reconcile–”

“But he should!”

“You told him to go away! He’s trying to listen to you even though he’s hurting!”

And maybe that was it, that simple implication that you were causing him pain that had you pausing, reviewing the things you’d said to him – the things you’d felt. 

“But,” a timid rebuttal, “I just–I just need him to show me that he cares.”

“He does,” Chayoung had returned. “So much. And he misses you. He’s probably just afraid that you don’t feel the same.”

“But I do! He knows this.”

“Does he?” A question in her eyes, one that you’re afraid you know the honest answer to. 

You say things and never mean them, he had said, eyes hard.

That had hurt you but perhaps he was right, there are things you hadn’t told him, feelings you hadn’t truly expressed. And Jeongguk had always been good to you, so understanding and caring, trying to fill the places were you lacked. Wasn’t he the one who planned the majority of your dates? Remembered all the important milestones of your relationship while you contributed the bare minimum. You hadn’t even told Chayoung about the surprise he had planned for your one-year anniversary, the shame of your own choice hanging heavy over your head. 

So that’s why you’re here, staring at the back of his head forlornly as the music drifts around you, flashing florescent lights bathing him a hazy glory. He hasn’t seen you yet (something you’re thankful for because oddly enough you feel sick to your stomach). It feels like you’re skating on thin ice, waiting for the impending crack to sound through your heart, ice water swallowing you whole immediately. Chayoung is the one who pushes you forward, gingerly plucking the idle drink from your hand, Jimin aiding her efforts with a soft smile your way. 

It’s time for you to try the way Jeongguk has, put aside that bumbling ego that oversees your actions and adopt the humility he’s always granted you.

“Go,” she murmurs. “He misses you.”

And God you hope he does because you’ve missed him too. 

Except the moment his honey eyes land on you you know he hasn’t.

“Jeongguk,” you mumble. Yoonoh is frozen beside him, concerned gaze flicking between your faces. Your own eyes are stuck on him, the shape of his nose, the curve of his lips, the subtle hint of the dimple in his cheeks. 

You’ve missed him, and it slips from your heart and brims in your eyes, vision blurry as your blink those stray tears back inside. 

“Hi,” you add, when his silence doesn’t break.

“I should probably go,” Yoonoh lets out, awkward words bumping into the wall of tension standing firm between you to. He settles a hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder, sending him a look that feels loaded. “See you guys later, right?”

You nod, finally noticing the lump clogging your throat. “Yeah, sure.” Jeongguk just hums, the edge of his cup caught between his lips. Yoonoh flees within seconds, leaving you to wade through this alone. 

“I–I know you’re not happy with me right now, but please, can we just talk?” He blinks at you, it feels like a premonition. “Please?”

“Okay.” The simple word fills you, like a hollow you weren’t aware of finally found the cure needed. 

“Okay,” a small smile on your lips. Jeongguk’s face is still unreadable. He guides you up and away from the deafening sound of the song bleeding from the speakers, into an empty room, the door closing behind him muting the music and giving way to the own pounding in your head. Nobody says anything for a second, both of you navigating this uncharted territory of animosity. Until Jeongguk sighs, melting into the bed at the centre of the room. You follow suit, allocating enough space between the two of you. You’ve ever had to do that before.

“You said you wanted to talk?” Jeongguk finally cuts through it, eyes unforgiving when he glances at you.

“I did! I do–Just Jeongguk,” you can’t help it drifting out. “I miss you.”

Nothing, not even a flicker in his eyes. He eyes shift to the floor instead. “Okay. I that what you wanted to say?”

“No–No not just that! I’ve missed you Jeongguk and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that i went off on you like that and I’m sorry I haven’t been the best towards you and I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel like I didn’t care about you–or made you feel like the things I said or did had no meaning behind them. Because they do–they do because I love you. I love you so so much and I’m sorry if I made it seem like otherwise.” You automatically extend out for him, hoping to grasp on his thing floating to fast away from you. Jeongguk shifts and you hand tumbles down to the empty space between you instead, halted by his hesitance. 

His head drops into his palms a second later, a broken exhale leaving his lips. The motion cause the silver bracelet on his wrist to slip down the length of his arm. It jolts something in you. Jeongguk had given you a matching one but you’d ripped it off after the last argument and hadn’t considered putting it back on. But Jeongguk was still wearing his. 

“Do you really?”

“What?” He’s staring at you know, doe eyes cloudy.

“Do you really love me?” There, that stupid evil vile question that you thought you had the answer to but the words vanish in your head the longer he looks at you.

“I do–what? What are you implying? Of course, I do.”

“Of course, you do,” Jeongguk echoes. His eyes turn to the window located over his shoulder. You can see his head working through something, and you’re suddenly terrified fingertips itching to wander through his curls and coax those thoughts from his head. 

“Jeongguk? What the hell are you talking about? Talk to me, please.”

He sighs again, at it feels like your heart splinters. A sudden shake of his head and Jeongguk twists back to face you, a silent tear falling down his cheek.

“You don’t love me.”

“Wh–What are you talking about? I do! And how can you decide my feelings for me?”

“No. You don’t love me the way you think you do–the way you should.” It feels like he’s saying it to more than you, like he’s saying it to himself. “Maybe this the wrong choice to make. You know. Maybe we shouldn’t have done this.”

You shatter just like that, shards on the floor as you stare him, this person that you thought you knew. And maybe the feeling is mutual because Jeongguk is staring at you in a similar way, searching for the courage to say the words you know lie in his heart. Like a loaded cannon, waiting for the match to strike and leave you lying in pieces. 

“I think we should break–"

“No,” you cut him off with an adamance that you didn’t know existed until right then. “No, you’re not gonna say that and we are not doing this.”

His eyes narrow then, jaw set. “This is not about ‘us’, I’m doing what’s right for me.”

“How is that right? Huh, Jeongguk? Don’t you care about this? Don’t you care about me?”

He looks away then, ignoring your questions, his throat stuck. 

“Jeongguk...” You reach out again, and he allows it, shoulders sinking with the weight of your hand on them. “Don’t you care about me?”

Another heavy exhale, his eyes blinking hard. “I do. And that’s why this won’t work, not the way it should at least. I really think we should end this, or at least reconsider the reasons why we’re together. You say you love me–you say you always have but really–really think about it. About me and us and what we are. I’m sorry, I really am but I just can’t do this anymore.”

He rises then, your outstretched hand tumbling down to the empty space he’d left behind. You can’t move it, can’t breathe, your heart hurtling out of your chest and onto the ground where it lies, fragmented beyond repair and bleeding bare. You glance up through tears, watch him open his mouth and then it and look away. 

“Do you mean it?” You finally ask, and his eyes snap to you. He knows what you’re saying. There’s a pause that stretches out for eternity, coloured by the sound of the ringing in your head.

“Maybe.” It cuts right through you, lodging itself deep with intent. And then you just have to nod, swallow the scream clawing at your throat. He murmurs one more apology before his feet carry him away, and you watch, forlorn as you burn his frame into your memory, as your whole world walks out the door.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #au: jock!jaykay #i really abused the hyphen in this but oh well

[xoxo-teddybear]

If This Is Wrong, Then I Don’t Wanna Be Right - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: DARK THEMES, INCEST, Smut, Filth, Cursing, not spell checked SORRY >w<

Summary: Ever since your dad remarried into the Bakugou family, your life’s been turned around. One incident with your step brother led to a plethora of problems that were so wrong but felt so right.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Another day, another confused Y/N. Y/N L/N, now Y/N Bakugou, has been going through it. Her mom leaving her family at a young age, her dad going through stages of grief and neglecting Y/N, and now the worst of it all. He’s been remarried.

That’s not the bad part. Y/N was happy for her dad, especially since Mitsuki Bakugou made him a better person and father. The bad part was her son. Bakugou Katsuki.

Don’t get it twisted, Bakugou and you got along great, but for reasons your parents didn’t know. Before you two became step siblings, you and Bakugou had huge crushes on each other and even slept together before at a party. It was safe to say those feelings never went away, especially now that you both lived with each other.

You were smart though. You couldn’t ruin this great thing for your dad. And you finally had a family again after all these years of just being a daddy-daughter duo. You couldn’t destroy this. However, Bakugou had other plans. He was very forward with his feelings towards you and always made attempts to pursue you. And no matter how many times you told him “we’re siblings now, what we feel can never happen,” he chose to ignore it.

Ever since you became his little step-sister, Bakugou’s love for you just grew stronger. He doesn’t care that you guys are legal family now, he wants you and only you and he refuses to move on. No matter how many times you deny him, he knows you both long to be together. Besides, Bakugou Katsuki always gets what he wants.

—

“Love you guys, see you soon.” You said hugging your parents goodbye. They were going on a work trip for Mitsuki’s job and were gonna be gone for about 3 months.

“See you soon sweetie. Be sure to take care of yourself, okay?” Your dad said.

“I’ll be okay dad.” You assured him. Mitsuki went in to hug you before she left.

“Don’t let Katsuki bug you too much, love.” She said.

“THE HELL DID YOU SAY YA HAG?!” Bakugou screamed.

“OH HUSH!” She said and walked to the car along with your dad. You guys said your final goodbyes and went inside. Once you shut the front door, Bakugou stood infront of you with a smirk and his hands in his pockets.

“Soo...princess. Whaddaya wanna do?” He said with a cocky grin. You gulped in nervousness. You knew his game. Bakugou always teased you with his touch or said dirty things in your ear when no one would look. Now you guys were home alone for the next few months. Who knows what would happen.

“Look Katsuki, I’m just gonna head up to my room to watch a movie.” You said and began to walk but Bakugou followed.

“Mind if I joined?” He asked.

“Join? In my room? In my bed? I don’t think so Katsuki.” You said with your arms crossed. Your arms only lifted your bust even more and Bakugou licked his lips at the sight of your chest in that tube top.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything....unless you want me to.” He teased as he walked up to you with his hand lifting your chin and his arm around your waist. He leaned in a little and smirked even more.

“You look like you don’t want me to stop,” he said that and your body naturally pressed in closer to his. His hand travelled to your ass to give it a firm squeeze which had you gasping, and just as your lips were about to touch you pulled away.

“Mm, no, Katsuki. Just- if you want to watch, you can come I guess.” You gave in and walked to your room and left your door open just in case Katsuki chose to join you. Soon enough, he walked in and sat next to you on your bed.

The movie progressed and Bakugou had made no attempts which shocked you. The whole time, you kept giving him side eye to see if he was sneaking some dirty looks at your body..but..nothing. He wasn’t trying anything and honestly..it left you a little needy.

Needy for his attention, for his touch...for him. The movie eventually reached a steamy scene and the whole time your face grew red. You and Bakugou both watched and whenever you glanced at him, he continued to hold a nonchalant look on his face. You however could feel yourself growing wet. You watched the scene and imagined it was you and Bakugou it that bed. You imagined how his hands would feel against your bare body again, and soon, you mind wandered off to the night you both shared when you weren’t siblings yet.

You missed the way his lips felt, the way his body radiated a comforting warmth, the way he dragged his cock in and out of you, bringing you to your euphoric release. You couldn’t help it. He was your crush after all. Without realizing, the movie came to an end and throughout the whole hour and 45 minutes, Bakugou didn’t make one attempt to touch you.

“Nice movie,” he began. “Gonna make some food. Want any?”

“Umm....no..I’m uh, all set.” You said with a little confused voice. Bakugou found it adorable and just walked off to the kitchen.

He almost died during that movie. He had to sit next to you, on your bed, HOME ALONE, as you wore a tube top and tight booty shorts, and not touch you at all.

“Settle Katsuki, geez. Just wait a little more,” he said to himself. Bakugou realized he was getting nowhere with him going after you, so he came up with this plan. Now, Bakugou was no dummy. You loved him the same way he loved you, but he knew you didn’t wanna ruin this precious little family, so he’s gonna push you to your limit. You’re so used to Bakugou touching you, feeling up on you, teasing you, and whispering dirty and sweet nothings into your ears. Now, Bakugou’s gonna stop with his pining, and wait for you to break. Wait for you to beg for him and his touch. He’ll wait for his little princess to finally come to him to settle her needy desires. Yes, it would be dreadful for Bakugou to be patient but he knew it would be worth it in the end.

Soon, you came out to the kitchen for some water. He noticed you looked a little flushed and had a little blush on your face.

‘Had she been toying with herself?’ Bakugou thought. The imagine of you playing with yourself and thinking of him entered his mind. It caused him to get riled up as he bit his lip to fight the moans attempting to leave his mouth. Bakugou had already seen all of you and even been inside you, but he craved for it again. But he wanted more than your body. He wanted you as a whole.

“You okay?” He asked. He noticed how you jumped at his voice and when you slightly turned to face him, he caught how your eyes looked him up and down, causing him to smirk the slightest bit.

“I’m fine, don’t worry Suki!”

‘Suki.’ He thought. That’s the name you called him when he completely rearranged your guts. He raised his brow at the name and you caught on to that. He saw you grin a little at the realization and he knew what you wanted. But you had to say it. You were only hinting at your neediness and he needed you to beg for him. Your little smirk wasn’t good enough.

“Alright. I made an extra plate for you. I’m all set so I’ll be in the shower,” he said. He noticed you staring at him, waiting for something more. Usually, after announcing he would be in the shower, he would usually offer you to join him. But not this time. He walked off and as he walked he heard you release the slightest whine. It caused his friend to painfully rise and once he entered the shower, he had to settle himself.

As you were left in the kitchen, you rubbed your legs together for friction. Bakugou hadn’t given you the slightest bit of attention ever since your parents had left. You won’t lie, when you found out your parents would be leaving for a few months, you had silently hoped Bakugou would take the opportunity to ravish you, but nothing came. Had he grown tired of waiting for you? Was he no longer interested? The thought scared you. He was your step brother, but you couldn’t stop the way you were feeling. You left to the privacy of your room to please yourself once more. And yes, it would be to the thought of Bakugou once again.

—

It was around 3 a.m. as you layed in bed, still awake and unsatisfied. The thought of Bakugou losing interest scared you. You couldn’t be together, but you still wanted him to want you the same way you do him. It was selfish and wrong, but you could help yourself. Eventually, your thoughts became too much and so you left to see Bakugou yourself.

You knocked on the door and after a minute, a shirtless Bakugou opened the door. It was obvious he wasn’t sleeping either. Must’ve been occupied with something else, the same like you.

“Hey Y/N, what’s up?” He asked.

“Y/N, huh? No princess, no love, no nothing?” He raised his brow with his head slightly thrown back. He laughed a little before speaking.

“Sorry am I missing something? Whaddaya need, princess?” He finally said. When the little pet name left his mouth, you could already feel yourself settling down the tiniest bit, but it wasn’t enough.

“Can we talk?” You asked and he only stepped aside and opened up the door for you. You walked in as he shut the door and you took a seat on his bed as he stood infront of you.

“Alright, talk. Need something?” He said.

“Sort of. I kinda just want to ask...what’s up with you lately.” You admitted.

“What?”

“You- heh, you’re not you.” You laughed out. He laughed too because he knew what you were talking about but he played dumb.

“Come again?” He asked. You released a tired sigh before continuing.

“What’s up? You don’t touch me anymore, you don’t tease me with your words, you don’t even spare me an extra glance. Why?” You asked.

“Aww, does princess miss my attention?” He teased.

“Maybe I do.” You said with a smirk and he mimicked your look and bit the side of his cheek. Suddenly, the tension in the room grew and you could feel heat rise to your cheeks.

“I’ve been pining after you for months, Y/N. I spoil you with my touch and comfort you with certain words and the second I stop, the princess gets replaced with a brat?” He said with a devious smirk. He leaned in closer to your face before speaking. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” You questioned.

“Stop acting like you don’t want me as much as I want you.” Your eyes went wide at his words.

“What?” You released with a breathy voice.

“You like me and I like you. A lot. Some would say it’s close enough to love, princess. And I know you better than you think. I know you miss the attention I give you and I know you miss the way my cock feels inside your sweet little cunt.” He said moving in as he spoke into your ear with his hands at your sides on the bed, caging you in.

You stood up and placed your hands on his shoulders and this time you got in his face.

“You’re right. I miss your attention and I definitely miss the way you took care of me that night. But we’re still siblings-“

“Step siblings,” he corrected.

“Doesn’t matter. We’re still legally related and so if we were to be together, no matter how bad we both want to, we both know it’s wrong.” You explained. Bakugou held your chin with his fingers and had his other hand press into your cunt, earning a moan from you.

“If this is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.” He said as his forehead was pressed against your own. His fingers continued to rub into you throughout your thin shorts. You released more moans and gasps as he smirked. “You’re not stopping me, Princess.”

“I don’t think I want to, Suki.” You said and your arms quickly wrapped around his neck and pulled him into a kiss, that he gladly returned. He smiled into the kiss as his hands went to grip and your ass. He squeezed it just enough for you to moan into the kiss and he took the chance to slide his tongue in, tasting your wet cavern. Your tongues fought for dominance until he eventually won, but you weren’t going down so easily. You turned yourselves around without breaking the kiss and you pushed him onto his bed. You climbed on top of him, straddling his waist as you dove back into the kiss.

“Looks like my princess is finally taking control,” he smirked as you separated.

“Your princess?” You teasingly asked.

“Yeah. My princess. Like it?” He asked with a grin.

“Love it,” you said and then proceeded to kiss him. Soon, your bottoms came off along with your panties. Bakugou felt the smooth skin and smacked your ass and having you groan at the sensation. You felt his boner press against your bare clit and you both quickly discarded his sweats along with your top.

Now, your bare bodied pressed together as your hand went to Bakugou’s cock. You rubbed at his tip as he gasped.

“Ohh f-fuck princess.” You smirked from above him as your hand jerked his hard cock.

“You like that, Nii-San?” You giggled out. Bakugou opened his eyes and noticed your smirk. He watched as your tits jiggled right infront of his face and on instinct, his hand went right to grope it. You bit your lip as you moaned from his touch.

“You just love your big brother’s cock, dontcha’ huh sis?” He teased.

“Mm, yess Suki!” Bakugou smacked your ass with his free hand.

“Wrong name, Princess.” He rubbed at your ass that was now red with his hand print as you continued to play with his cock.

“Mm, Nii-San!” You moaned out.

“That’s a good girl,” he said as he pulled you in closer to suck on your chest. He flipped you over in the process and kissed down your body. He kissed your wet cunt before giving it a slow lick. You mewled at the feeling of his tongue and begged for more.

“N-Nii-San! Don’t stop! Please!” Bakugou smiled against your clit as he feasted on your sweet nectar. His tongue reached every inch of your pussy and he sucked on your little nub. His tongue entered you as your hands grabbed at his hair.

“Fuck yess!! Just like that! Mm..” your hips began to grind against his face as his hands wrapped around your legs to hold you steady.

“Gotta stay still for your big brother, Princess.” He spoke before continuing. He had your legs shaking around his head as he continued.

“S-Shit! Nii- ..Nii-San! I’m gonna cum!” You said while pulling at his soft locks. He held you down tighter.

“Cum, cum on my tongue Princess,” he said as he continued. He slurped at your sweet cunt as he pushed you closer and closer to the edge. You felt your orgasm approach you as your released the white honey onto his tongue, and Bakugou didnt waste a drop. He left your cunt but sent two fingers inside of you, pressing against your g-spot. He stood above you, using his other hand to jerk his cock.

“You fucking ready for the main event princess?” He asked and kissed your cheek as you moaned at his fingers.

“Yess! Please,” you said. Bakugou went up to your ear and softly spoke to you.

“Then I want you to beg for it,” he said, “beg for Nii-SAN’s giant cock. Beg me to fuck you so good you forget your own name, slut.” His words had your hips grinding against his hand.

“Mm, please Nii-San! Please fuck me!” You begged. But Katsuki wasn’t satisfied.

“C’mon Princess, you can do better. Nii-San had to wait a whole day before he could touch you again. I wanna hear you beg a little harder,” he said. You gave in and cried out for him.

“Please! Please just fuck me. I want you- need you so bad! Please I need your cock to fuck me! Please Nii-San!” You begged. A blush adorned your face as you felt the heat in your cheeks burn due to embarrassment. You didn’t even realize Katsuki align himself with your entrance until he kissed your cheek to snap you out of your embarrassed state.

“That’s my good little princess.” He said and slammed himself into you. Last time, Katsuki gave you a second to adjust to his length, but this time he’s been waiting and holding himself back for months now. And today, he didn’t allow himself to touch you at all, and so he went right to it and began his hard, steady thrust. His speed was incredible and he was fucking you so hard the bed was hitting the wall. “S-Shit! My little slut like that? Does she like having her- fuck- her big brother’s cock balls deep inside of her?”

“Yes, Please! M-More!” You cried out. Katsuki wrapped your legs around his bare waist and slammed into you even harder. His hand went to grip his headboard as he fucked you into oblivion. His thrust had you seeing stars as he reached a sensitive spot. “Oh my god! Yes! Y-Yes Katsuki right there-“

Katsuki slightly smacked your face as your head turned to the side. You moaned at the tingling sensation and you felt his thrust become faster and his hand wrapped around your throat. He squeezed it as he spoke to you through shut teeth.

“Not my name, Y/N. Try again,” he warned. You felt your tongue roll out as you attempted to speak but his thrust only brought out moans. “Say it!”

“Nii-San!” You cried out. He kissed you deeply as his hand went to grab at your chest. Your pussy squeezed him so tightly his head dropped next to your shoulder.

“Fuck Princess! Oh god you’re squeezing me nice and tight. Mmmm, I’m gonna wreck this pretty little pussy. Ahh-“ Bakugou’s hips jerked a little as your cunt tightened at his words. His grip on the headboard got stronger until he broke it. He looked up to see the damage and cursed at it. He threw it to the side as he placed both hands on your rips.

“Shit, shit, shit...God yess!” He cried out with his head thrown back. Your hands went his back as your claws marked him. He was gonna feel that in the morning, but as of right now, it was nothing but pleasure.

The feeling in your stomach returned and you felt your high coming.

“I’m- IM CUMMING!” He sped up and went deeper, forcing your release. You came around his cock but Katsuki didn’t stop.

Due to the wait, Katsuki was much more sensitive that he usually would be. He knew he would be cumming quicker than he thought and sadly, his fun would have to end soon.

“Oh god, princess I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna fill up that sweet pussy with all my cum. You want that?,” he smacked your face again as his hand wrapped around your throat once more, “you want me to fuck my kids in you? Huh? Pump my load right inside your womb and give you my brat. Bet you would love that, right princess?” He said and smacked your ass once more.

His hips stuttered and his thrusts became sloppy as he met his climax. His hot cum filled your Pussy and you cried out at the feeling. He moaned with his head thrown back as he pumped you full. The feeling of his semen dripping out of you had you shivering. He stilled before he pulled out and watched his cum drip out of you. He smiled at the sight and went to lay next to you. He pulled you closer into his chest as you both allowed heavy breaths to be released.

As Bakugou almost settled he felt your hand grab his cock again. You began to pump his length more and he began moaning with teary eyes.

“N-No, princess please. S’too much. F-fuck, I can’t!” He cried out as you went faster. You smirked as you watched his blush grow stronger. His hard on returned again and his cock rose from the friction. You straddled his lap again and placed his tip at your entrance. You leaned in closer as you spoke.

“I’m not done yet, Nii-San.” You said and slammed down on his cock. Katsuki loudly moaned and cried out as you sped up your bounce.

“F-fuck! Fuck Princess I can’t! Oh god- I have nothing else! P-please!” He begged. “Too much! Too sensitive!”

You continued to bounce on him and ride his dick as he moaned in immense pleasure. The overstimulation had him going insane. Soon, he did a full 180 and begged for more instead of less.

“Ah..Ah! Fuck! Don’t...don’t stop Y/N! Yeeaahhh bounce on that cock! AH! God yes!” His hands gripped at your waist as you continued your movements.

“Mm, Nii-San your cock feels so good~” you moaned out.

“Yeah?” He asked as his face got closer.

“Mhmm,” you nodded as you both quickly went in for a desperate kiss. You both sucked at each other’s faces as you continued to fuck his cock. The thrusts kept on until your thighs began to shake and you both felt another release coming.

“Sh-it, cumming! I’m cumming! Ohh fuck! M’Gonna shoot blades inside ya!” You slid up and down vigorously until both of you released.

“N-NII-SAN!” You said with your hands on his shoulders and head thrown back. As you both finished, you grinded on his hips.

“Heh,” you both laughed out as you made out once more. You both stilled your movements as Bakugou pulled you off his cock but kept you in his lap. You both had heavy huffs as your breaths settled and a comforting silence overtook the room. You drew little shapes on his naked chest as he smiled towards the ceiling. He finally had his dream girl...sorta.

After a brief period of silence, you spoke again.

“Umm...Katsuki?” You asked. He opened his eyes and looked at you. He kissed your forehead before he spoke.

“Yes princess?”

“What now?” You asked.

“What do you mean?” He said as he continued to look down at you.

“...what are we?” You said looking at him with doe eyes. He showed a small smiled as he held you tighter.

“Well, you’re mine now and I’m yours. That’s what we are.” He said with a comforting look. You smiled back at your new title. His. It sounded nice. But there was something else that obviously complicated the matter.

“But...but what about our parents...this family?” Bakugou sat up and had you look at him as you sat in his lap.

“Let’s run away, Y/N.” He said with all the seriousness in the world. Your eyes went wide at his offer.

“W-what?” You asked. There was no way he was being serious.

“Let’s run away. You and me. We’ll go somewhere where no one knows us. And we’ll get to be together without any problems.” He explained.

You continued to stare. Running away? From your dad? From a family you finally had after so many years. As you thought about it, nothing but Katsuki came into mind. You smiled as you realized you didn’t need them. You just needed him. Katsuki would be your family, Katsuki would be all you need. Were you going to stay for your family that you’ve only had for a few months? Were you going to stay for a dad who neglected you for a decade? Why do that when you could just run away with the love of your life and be together, be a family, and be happy?

“Run away with me Y/N,” he spoke, snapping you out of your trance.

You smiled as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Let’s go, Katsuki.” He smiled back at you and you both shared a kiss, filled with love and happiness. You cuddled into each other as you both fell asleep in pure bliss. He was your family, he was all you needed.

As the days went on, almost 3 months have passed. You and Katsuki have been together for almost 3 months, not as step siblings, but as a couple, and you’ve never been happier. On the Sunday of the last week on the third month, you and Katsuki packed your things. Throughout the months, you and Katsuki have found an apartment to stay in far away from this town and prepped everything to leave. You guys had finally packed your things and placed them in Katsuki’s car. You placed a letter for both your parents explaining you both decided to leave and that this is what you both really wanted. You also mentioned that you both would be fine and would prefer if they didn’t go out to look for you both. You grabbed your final bag and looked at your old home until Katsuki came and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

“Ready to go, babe?” He asked.

“Let’s go!” You both shared a quick kiss and then went to his car. He drove off and you were finally happy. Katsuki kept a hold of your hand as he drove, giving it a quick kiss from time to time, earning a little giggle from you. And you? You finally realized. Your relationship was so wrong. But you didn’t care. You loved Katsuki and he loved you. Now you were both together and happy after all these past months of living together as siblings and crushing on each other for years before that.

So if this relationship was wrong, then you didn’t wanna be right.

You both eventually arrive to the other side of the city and begin moving boxes in to the new apartment. It’s been a long day so you decided to just leave the boxes in the kitchen and living area and work on the bedroom. You both unpacked your clothing and set up the bathroom. You put your sheets on and finished styling the bedroom.

It was dark by the time you guys were done with the bathroom and bedroom and you and Katsuki had just finished washing up and getting in bed. You both cuddled in as some random movie softly played on the TV as background noise. This was..home.

“You know something, princess?” Bakugou randomly spoke.

“Hm?”

“Don’t get me wrong, im still gonna do it, but I realized I won’t have to put a ring on you to get you to change your last name,” he chuckled out.

“Uh!” You both laughed as you smacked his chest. He held you closer before he spoke again.

“I’m serious though, when I marry you, we won’t have to go through the whole ‘changing your name’ thing.” He said.

“You’re that sure you’re gonna choose me to marry?” You asked.

“I know for a fact that I’m marrying you, Princess. It’s never been anyone else but you.” He admitted as he got lost in your E/C eyes.

You awed at his compliment and cuddled in closer after you pecked his cheek. The room met with silence once more and a comforting aura filled the air. You reveled in the feeling and just smiled.

“Suki?” You spoke up.

“Yes?” He asked.

“.....I love you.”

Bakugou looked down to you, tilted your chin up so your lips could meet his. He sent his love through the small skin contact and when he separated, he gave you a sweet smile that was reserved just for you.

“Not as much as I love you, Y/N.” You both held loving looks as he tucked you back under his chin and wrapped you in his arms. Yeah, your relationship with your step brother was taboo, but you honestly couldn’t care less. You loved him and he loved you. You were away from all the problems that would come with the relationship and you both were the happiest you guys could have ever been.

#bakugo x reader #bakugou fanfiction #bakugou fluff #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x y/n #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #mha bakugo katsuki #mha bakugo x reader #mha bakugou #mha #my hero academia bakugou #my hero academia #bnha bakugo x reader #bnha bakugou #boku no hero academia #katsuki x you #mha katsuki #bnha katsuki #katsuki bakugou smut #bakugou smut #katsuki smut #bakugou katsuki smut

[asterekmess]

Did you ever watch Buffy? The first episode where Anya was introduced was titled "The Wish" and all I can think about is if Scott McCall had ever run into a pure Sidhe where they offered him a wish. Instead of, "I wish Buffy had never come to Sunnydale." It would be more, "I wish I was never bitten to become a werewolf." But just like all feaye tricks, the outcome is more, his Dad ended up with primary custody rather than his Mom and he was forced to leave BH. And then Stiles ended up more friends with Heather and others. And while Scott's life is worse, when he tracks down the others he finds all of theirs are greatly improved.

I think about it a lot and how Scott never really dealt with the consequences of any of his actions, everyone else did, and how an episode or mini-arc could have fixed a flaw in the show's design. I mean, we were already dealing with a lot of Celtic lore, why not someone from the Sidhe courts?

I have no idea why this took me so long to answer, so apologies for that. <3 I did watch buffy! I've seen all of it, and all of Angel as well. XD

I remember 'The Wish' episode, and whoooo boy it gave me chills. I loved how big the butterfly effect was, how something that seemed so small, something that Genuinely seemed to be the cause of a lot of problems in Sunnydale, ended up being so important to how things had progressed. Because, yeah, you would think Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a Good Thing, right? Sunnydale didn't have all of these insane issues before she arrived. It was quiet, and nothing big or scary ever happened. Her arrival matches perfectly with when everything started going absolutely nuts, so whatever selfish ideas Cordelia had, her thought that Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a good thing, makes sense. Except that, as she finds out, she's entirely wrong. Buffy's arrival was a lucky coincidence, or fate, whatever your taste leans toward. She showed up right as things started going nuts, and she kept it from going SO MUCH MORE NUTS.

Now, moving on to TW, it is a fascinating mix of being the Exact same situation, and the exact Opposite. I'll add a Read More, cus' holy god is this a lot of Rambling.

Because Scott wishing not to have been bitten...yeah, the bite Did improve things. But it improved things for him. He would absolutely regret making the wish, just like Cordelia did, because he would realize how many good things the bite had brought with it. BUT, conversely, he would have to realize how many good things the bite had brought for him, not for other people, and how their lives either wouldn't have been affect, or might've even Improved without him being bitten. Without the bite, Scott wouldn't have gotten on first line, period. His health issues made very clear in the five minutes he had them that any kind of stamina based sport was just out of the question for him. If he is unable to walk through the woods at a moderate pace without needing to grab his inhaler and stop against a tree, he just plain cannot play lacrosse for two or three hours of running at high speeds and working a bunch of muscles in his upper body. He likely wouldn't have gone out with Allison, because he would have no convenient way to get her attention. Furthermore, he wouldn't have the extra senses that both impressed her on the lacrosse field, and told him about her 'family dinner' the night of Lydia's party. (I've discussed this before, but... While it's true, Allison would have still brought him the dog; that dog would likely have attacked him, and his chances with her would have been shot in the foot when they both got in massive trouble and he likely had to go to the ER for stitches or something. Without Allison or first line, he wouldn't have started hanging out with the 'cool kids,' and quite frankly, wouldn't have had anyone to help him study for the classes he was struggling with. It's true that he also wouldn't have had werewolf things to worry about, or even a girlfriend to distract him from homework, so maybe that wouldn't have been such a huge issue, but still.

If we look at other people's lives and how They would have been affected by Scott not getting the bite...well, let's talk about that.

Stiles didn't get on first line because of Scott, or because of a werewolf bite. Or even because of the werewolf bullshittery occurring in town. He was put on first line because of his abilities, and even after being taken OFF first line for missing the game, he was put Right onto the field in the next game, chosen OVER other players who were perfectly viable options. Which means, he still would've ended up on first line. Allison wasn't interested in dating before she met Scott, and part of her draw to him was based on how 'different' he was. He knew things she didn't know how he could know, he had a weird ability to calm a furious, injured dog, and he had charisma that was ALSO gained from the bite, since being on first line made Scott Much more self-confident. If she didn't end up dating him, it's likely she wouldn't have dated at all. Which would mean no hiding from her parents, no strange conflicts of interest, AND, interestingly enough --depending on her involvement in the murders, etc that would still be occurring in town--no night in the school that would scare her bad enough to ask Kate for extra help and tip her headfirst into hunter training. AND, even if she DID still end up getting those lessons from Kate? There would be no bitterness to fuel her behavior at the end of season 1.

Allison was Traumatized after Kate showed her Derek on the grate. She was horrified, and didn't know what to do about it, and while we can ramble all we want about the morality of her not confronting her family (whom she's just discovered is willing to electrocute people) about it, the fact is that she pushed the thoughts aside to stop freaking out and went to that dance. Where she found out Scott was a werewolf, and was So fucking Betrayed that she was willing to help Kate catch him and Derek. No Scott, no betrayal, no willingness to help Kate recapture the miserable man who'd been chained up in a basement.

If we go back to that specific night, and try to unfold the events from there if Scott hadn't been bitten, things get a little complicated, but I'll take a few artistic liberties. Scott isn't bitten. Presumably, he just happens to get out of the woods in time, or he gets caught with Stiles by the sheriff, or doesn't go to the woods in the first place. These all change the possible outcomes of that night. If he hadn't gone in the first place, and Stiles went alone, would he have been bitten instead? Would Scott have been dragged into all of this anyway, but without the protection and boost of being a werewolf and cured of his asthma? If he weren't the one bitten, and he saw everything Stiles gained from it, would he still have such a hatred for the bite? Or would he want it, like Erica did, to cure him and make him powerful and cool? But, let's assume Stiles doesn't get bitten either. The second half of Laura's body still hasn't been found, and Stiles has no reason to fear running back into the preserve the next day, and no real punishment from his father as far as we can tell. So, does he go back to look again? If he did, he would run into Derek, because Derek would still be there after retrieving Laura's body himself. He would see Derek and still recognize him, and from there, things might spiral, still involving Stiles in the supernatural, and it's likely Stiles would try to involve Scott, and Again we get hit with "Would Scott want the bite, if he hadn't gotten forcibly bitten in the first place?" The answer is probably yes. He wanted to be cool, and popular, and on the lacrosse team. He wanted everything being a werewolf gave him. BUT if we're looking at this wish as similar to "The Wish," then no matter what, Scott won't be bitten. He'll be transported to a new world where it just never happened, and he'll be human, and forced to watch everyone around him be just plain different. Scott not being bitten would isolate him from Stiles, if Stiles got involved in the spn anyway. We SAW how Stiles cut off his other friends once the spn starting getting in the way. He and Harley? We have no clue how close they were. They were close enough for her to tease him about his crush on Lydia, for her to wander up comfortably to the locker and talk to them. And he cut her off as soon as the werewolf stuff hit. What if he cut Scott off? To protect him, if nothing else, like he did his own father. Once he realized the danger involved, I doubt he would be willing to put Scott in harm's way.

So, Scott would not only lose first line, lose his girlfriend, lose his popularity, lose his health and strength and heightened abilities, lose his 'importance' to the goings-on of Beacon Hills, but he would also lose Stiles, who seems to have been his only friend, unless he also had a relationship with Harley.

Okay, I've rambled enough about the what if's, so let's talk about the Reason why this wish would go so badly for Scott, in such a different way than it went for Cordelia. Cordelia, first off, wished that someone Else would not have/do something, rather than wishing for herself not to have done something. She watches how fucked up the world gets, and how much worse her life is without Buffy around to save the day. Scott wished for Himself not to have done something (even something passive, like 'get bitten') and would have to watch how fucked up his world gets, and how far behind he would fall. The other's lives might not necessarily get better, because Peter is still on the loose, and the hunters are still there, etc etc, but they would still Progress, while Scott would stay stagnant.

And WHY is that? Because Scott isn't important to the story. It DOESN'T start with him. That's the Whole Point of his character. He is supposed to be the 'everyman' who gets dragged into crazy shit and becomes integral to things that he wasn't ever meant to be a part of. The guy who wanders into becoming King or 'The Hero' that will save the world, even though he's just a small lad from a tiny town, whose highest prospects were "get on first line."

He was NEVER supposed to be Buffy, or if he was, it was done Very Badly.

But Beacon Hills WASN'T a quiet town before Scott was bitten; however much he might've said 'nothing ever happens in this town.' It was FULL of bullshittery and magic from the very beginning. There was the fire, and Paige, and the blinding of Deucalion, and the death of Alexander Argent, and the Nogitsune in the internment camp nearby. All of these things were around So much longer than Scott's bite, and they'd been affecting the world that whole time too. Because yes, in Buffy, the master was There before she was, but he was literally rendered inert by the situations he was in. And the things he'd done happened Centuries before, not six years. There is a difference. Sunnydale was Not Known for the insane number of weird deaths. Beacon Hills was. And aside from the Nogitsune, every single fucking thing that happened in Beacon Hills, was attuned to the Hale family in one way or another. Deucalion's blinding occurred during a meeting on Hale land, because Talia was known as a wise leader, etc, in the area and other wolves flocked to her. Deucalion biting Argent seems unrelated (if you even believe Deucalion did that, despite being a fucking pacifist before Gerard blinded him), but again, it occurs just a couple hours away from Beacon Hills, which is Hale Territory. The one who plays the Buffy role here? Who shows up at just the right time, and launches themself against an endless wave of evil, with slightly enhanced senses and a thorough need to do good and not back away from things that 'aren't they're problem'? The actual hero who is somehow tied to everything going on in ways even they don't understand? Was Derek. The guy who entirely unwittingly allowed Julia Baccari to survive, because he was trying to be merciful to his first love. Who entirely unwittingly was manipulated into giving up information that let a hunter kill his family. Who followed his sister back to town after six years of just trying to survive in New York, fell into a fucking tragedy, and decided to stop the bad guys anyway, even though he knew he didn't stand a fucking chance.

And as annoyed as some might get. The 'everyman' who stumbles onto the set and accidentally becomes integral to the saving of the world? The one whose ambitions are small and who expectations are smaller? Who is misunderstood, and has abilities that aren't recognized or appreciated, that doesn't really fit in, but tries their best anyway? The literal Angel to Derek's Buffy?

Is fucking Stiles. The son of the sheriff who just could not let it go when he discovered there was something funky going on. Who hung around on the edges, even though he wasn't really wanted, because he needed to help. Who ended up saving Derek's life over and over, and becoming so important as to be Derek's anchor? Who literally WENT DARKSIDE and HAD TO BE NEARLY KILLED, even though Derek didn't to kill him???

I know how it sounds, but JD SAID he took inspiration from Buffy. The issue is that his parallels are between DEREK AND STILES, and BUFFY AND ANGEL. Respectively.

Derek might act like the broody bad boy, but it is STILES' mentality that matches Angel's behavior, and it's Derek who matches Buffy.

I'm so fucking off track. Scott would be miserable if he ever managed to get a wish and used it to keep from having been bitten. And it would be sad. I would feel bad for him, had I watched something like that happen. Seeing him realize that most of the good things he had, he only got because of the bite. That Stiles would still be on first line, that Lydia and Jackson would still be the popular kids. That Allison wouldn't know he existed, or if she did would avoid him entirely. That Jackson would never have been turned into the kanima in the first place. That everyone else would move on and up in life, and he would still be standing at the bottom step. Because it wasn't his actual limitations that were holding him back, it was his refusal to accept them, to work with them, and to just plain stop Envying Everyone Around him, and start living his own fucking life instead of trying to steal other people's.

Scott wishes he were Cordelia, and I promise that would backfire too.

#personal #anti-Scott McCall #meta ramblings #go for it #this is way too long #but i had feelings #the more you guys made me talk about this #the more I want to write a Buffy fusion #or a tw rewrite with Scott not being bitten #or fucking Both #or both Combined #SOMETHING

[sweetestlamb]

Flashlight

Author's note: Wasn't episode 8 just lovely? I just couldn't get this out of my head, they're becoming so dependent on each other. Be still my beating heart. They're reminding me of my MoonMun couple so much and I think that explains my obsession and the amount of fics I've written thus far lol.

Summary: Just for tonight he'll be selfish.

"Are you okay now? Is there someone there?" He moves towards the dark alley that she came bolting from looking as frightened as he's ever seen her. He feels his muscles coil ready to protect her by any means possible. But before he can move she's tightening her hold on him, clinging to him now he can feel her warmth all around him like a blanket.

"No! Don't leave me." Hearing that scared plea causes a blurry memory to resurface in his mind, he can almost feel the words swimming in his mind but the memory is foggy and it evaporates as quickly as it formed.

Strange.

"Okay, okay. I'm not going anywhere. Let's go inside." He starts to maneuver her toward her house at first she moves with him but then she stills, letting out a small sound of recollection.

"My phone." She whispers into his chest, they are pressed so closely he can feel her heartbeat still pounding through her chest into his. He strokes her back in a lazy soothing manner, shocked when she melts into his embrace further. Nothing is making sense at this moment but he doesn't care enough to stop, this.

"What about your phone?" He redirects the conversation and she continues, "I dropped it in there when I ran away."

"Okay. I'll go get it, wait here." He starts to gently untangle her hands from his flannel but she lets out a whine, gripping his shirt even stronger and moving with him.

"I'll---let's go together."

She's trembling now, positively shaking in her spot and he wants to argue with her to just go inside and wait for him but her earlier plea echoes in his ears. He can't leave her alone not right now, so he steps forward feeling her move with him, one step after another until he sees the rectangular object on the ground.

"I'm going to bend down to get it." He can feel her shifting beside him looking around wildly but thankfully no ominous figure appears, they are alone.

After a moment she nods, letting go enough for him to bend and retrieve the device and he checks the screen noting happily that it's not damaged but when he touches the screen it doesn't turn on so he tries again.

"It's dead. I forgot to charge it." She admits, taking the phone from his grasp.

He turns to her with a sharp stare, "You stayed out late after what happened and didn't charge your phone? Are you that fearless?" He chides, frustrated with her lack of awareness and disregard for her safety. If anything ever happened to her he would.... He would.......

"It wasn't on purpose. I didn't realize. I know it was irresponsible."

It's not a response he's expecting, the Hye Jin he knows would argue back, hardly taking shit from him ergo her meek uncharacteristic reply makes him feel worst, he shouldn't be blaming her especially after seeing first-hand how scared she is.

"Let's go inside now, it's cold and you're shaking." They both know the temperature has very little to do with her tremors but she doesn't disagree and carelessly he enters the code when they reach the door, ignoring the jolt in his chest that erupts as he enters his own birthday and the door clicks open. He thought she would have changed it by now.

He's grateful she hasn't.

They both take off their shoes, standing side by side now her arm around his waist and his around her shoulder. It's a small space and they can barely move but they work around it, reluctant to release each other.

"Thank you." Her voice is barely above a whisper, he thinks that he almost imagined it. He had an excuse prepared this time, he was merely patrolling and happened to pass her house. That was the lie he intended to go with, but something in her voice stops him from saying those deceitful words. He's tired of hiding and making up excuses for being around her.

"You're welcome. Here sit down, I'll make you some tea." Thoughtlessly he moves towards the kitchen, taking two steps until he can't move anymore. She's holding onto him tightly, he turns around looking at her small closed fists and then her trembling pretty face.

With a soft sigh, he takes her hand rubbing a thumb across the smooth skin.

"Just come with me." Immediately she steps forward pressing into his back, he tries to calm his heart taking the teapot and filling it with water, then he opens the cabinet retrieving a mug and setting it aside.

"I like honey. And a squeeze of lemon." He smiles at her soft demands.

Now that sounds more like his dentist. The bottle of honey is in her top cabinet and he grabs a fresh lemon from the fridge cutting it in half.

They stand silently as the water boils and he finally feels his anger boiling away as well. Angry that he was almost too late and that his town isn't safe anymore, angry that someone was able to shake this immoveable woman.

The shrill ringing of the teapot breaks him from his impasse, on autopilot he pours the water on the tea bag, then squeezes the honey in the steaming water, "I like a lot of honey." She's attached to his back her voice vibrating straight through him, he freezes when she wraps her arms around his waist. Her closeness is messing with his mind, but he tries to finish his job and get them on the couch maybe with some distance between them.

For his sanity.

"Let's go sit down." He grabs both mugs walking over to her couch, placing her cup on the far right and taking a seat on the far left putting a sea of distance between them. But immediately she sits down right next to him, leaving no space between them she might as well be in his lap. He squirms in place, standing up to get some reprieve but she grabs his hand staring up at him.

"Where are you going?" Fear bleeds into her voice and he lets go of his hesitations, tonight is not about him.

Leaning over he grabs her cup, tugging it closer.

"Nowhere, I'm not going anywhere. Drink your tea."

She blinks slowly at him before nodding and bringing the warm beverage to her lips. Her hum of satisfaction warms him all the way down to his toes.

"It's good. You really are good at everything." He preens at the compliment, thinking of all the times this week he wasn't needed or was cast aside for Director Ji. He's been swallowing his jealousy all week. So her words fill a hollow space in his chest.

He watches her drink the entire cup, ignoring his own growing cold on the table.

"I need to charge my phone." She suddenly says and he stares before nodding, taking the opportunity to drink his lukewarm tea. But then he notices that she's not moving despite having the phone and charging in her hand.

"What's wrong?" He raises an eyebrow in confusion.

She looks embarrassed now, unable to meet his eyes and he's flabbergasted at her reaction.

"Come with me?" He stares at her, feeling the same pride bloom as when she sat next to him instead of her sunbae, she's leaning on him.

He spots an outlet across the room, "Okay let's go there." She looks relieved at his lack of teasing, together they walk over to the outlet and she bends to plug in the charger and puts the phone on the ground.

In seconds the phone comes to life and he feels a sharp pain in his chest as a barrage of messages light up her phone, the majority from one person. When she clicks to open the message he instinctively looks away, not wanting to witness their conversation.

"He messaged so much." Her voice is filled with awe and childishly he moves away. He'd almost forgotten that she didn't actually need him. He was just conveniently there.

"I should go now. You're safe. Make sure to come home earlier from now on, maybe ask him to walk you home." It hurts to utter those words but it's easier than being replaced later, it's okay if he's the one that pushes her away first. "I'll see myself out."

He stands ready to leave, pointedly not looking back before he changes his mind and stays forever.

She was just scared, tonight didn't mean anything.

He grabs his fallen bagpack thrusting it on his shoulder, hopping into his boots all ready to head out. But it's unusually quiet, the silence is so deafening that he can't stop himself from looking back over at her. It's a mistake, a huge one at that. The phone has fallen from her hands, abandoned to the side and she's looking at him with the most desolate stare he's ever seen, moisture pooling in her huge round eyes.

"What's wrong? Why are you cry--"

"You said you wouldn't leave me. Why are you changing your mind? What if someone is still there? What am I supposed to do without yo--u?" Her voice cracks on the last word and his heart follows, she needs him. Nobody else has this week but here she is breaking down because he tried to leave, she needs him.

His decision is made for him in that moment.

As soon as he's close enough to touch she's clinging to him once again, he only absently realizes that she's trying to lead them to her bedroom but even he's not saintly enough for that so he stops her.

"Let's go to the couch. You'll feel more comfortable."

She doesn't question him seemingly happy to follow his lead.

The couch is comfy but definitely not intended for two grown adults, leaning over the arm rest he tries to get situated and once he stops moving she's snuggling into his side curling around him like a cat.

"Whenever I was scared, my mom used to stroke my hair."

He stares at the wall in front of them, wondering if she's aware of just how many lines they're crossing tonight- no catapulting over. But he's tired of second guessing himself so he stops thinking and just listens, bringing the hand that is curled on her shoulder up to her head before dragging his palm down her soft hair, gulping when she moans at the ministrations.

Her breathing starts to deepen and he feels her body losing its tension, she's falling asleep and once she succumbs he can finally make his escape, that's his plan. But he doesn't expect her to start stroking him too, her hand delicate on his chest.

"You've worked hard. Stopping a scammer and saving me all while recovering from a cold."

It's nothing. It's what he's supposed to do.

But it feels so good to hear those words, words that he hardly heard growing up.

"Go to sleep." He says instead of thank you, instead of kissing her like he's wanted to since he saw her outside and she ran straight into his heart.

It's a miracle but she listens to him, drifting to sleep her head heavy on his chest and he knows that he should wait a few minutes and try to extract himself but he can't, not tonight. Just for tonight he'll be selfish.

"You're making me want all sorts of things." He whispers to her sleeping face, terrified of her and all that she makes him feel. Feeling emboldened by their almost kiss initiated by her, he pushes her hair behind her ear taking a second to really looking at her face. She really is that beautiful. It doesn't seem fair. Leaning down he presses a soft kiss to her forehead, her skin is sleep warm and perfectly smooth. He presses a second one shamelessly. Her lips are right there and heavens knows that he's tempted but he can't take advantage, can't bring himself to do anything else. That's enough.

He doesn't know when he fell asleep but he wakes up to Mi-seon throwing a blanket over them, he keeps his eyes tightly shut mentally berating himself for that leaving when he had a chance.

"Just friends my ass. Just admit that you like him, look at the way you're clinging to him."

Somehow they traversed further down the couch in their sleep, both laying horizontal now with her body on top on his and her head tucked under his chin.

"I've never seen her sleep so peacefully though. She looks so young."

He tries not to think too deeply into what that might mean, listening to the retreating footsteps of her roommate and feeling himself losing the battle with sleep. She'll probably be embarrassed to find them this way tomorrow but that's a hurdle for another day.

Just for tonight I'll hold her. Until I'm not allowed to hold her anymore.

#hometown cha cha cha #another episode coda #hong du shik #yoon hye jin #they are taking over all my brain activity #another fluffy drabble #this episode broke me

[blazedbakugou]

selfish

In which Bakugou finally gives in to his heart’s desires despite his brain’s protests and allows himself to be selfish just this once.

a/n: this is the part two of my Bakugou fic I posted a while back. Though reading the first one will provide more context, this fic can also be read alone.

read part one here!

read part three here!

genre: angst with a fluffy ending

warnings: angst but there’s a happy ending, aged up characters

word count: 2.4k

pairing(s): katsuki bakugou x gn!reader (romantic)

selfish - PnB Rock

Bakugou looked out the car window as he watched trees, buildings, and streetlights disappear from view. The car ride back home from Kirishima’s was a quiet one, perfect for contemplation and revelations. He was so deep in thought that he had failed to notice that this wasn’t the route to his apartment but instead it was on the way to yours.

“Oi, Shitty Hair, where are you taking me? My place is that way,” he pointed his thumb in the opposite direction.

Kirishima glanced over at him before focusing on the road ahead, “well, I just thought that you two needed to sort things out… so I’m taking you to their place.”

“Yeah? Well, what makes you think I wanna talk to that dumbass?” Bakugou grunted.

Except, that wasn’t what he was worried about. He knew that he’d royally fucked up at the party from the week before, and the guilt had been eating away at him since. Bakugou was aware that you had every right to be upset with him and he wouldn’t be too surprised if you didn’t want to speak to him after your fallout. He just hoped that wouldn’t be the case.

“Don’t gotta lie to me, Bakubro. That wouldn’t be very manly of you, besides I’m tired of seeing you look so miserable.”

Your apartment complex came into view as Kirishima turned a corner, entering the parking lot.

“Tch, if this goes wrong then I just want you to remember that it was your idea to take me here.” The blonde scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

- - -

Bakugou wiped his hands against the material of his pants, drying off the sweat that had collected on his walk to your front door. He went over everything he wanted to say in his head before taking a deep breath and knocking on the wooden door. The voice in his head nagged at him louder than ever to turn around and never look back, he could get away in time if he ran, he thought. With each passing second, the voice grew louder and louder until the idea sounded nearly too tempting to pass up. Of course, before he could walk away and flee the scene, you answered the door.

“What do you want, Bakugou?”

He glanced up to look at you, grimacing at the coldness in your voice and how could he ignore the way you’d called him by his last name? Though his mind was soon filled with other concerns, like how exhausted you looked and sounded.

“Just wanted to talk…” his voice came out uncharacteristically timid as if he was afraid you’d slam the door in his face any second now.

You scoffed bitterly, “oh really? Now you want to talk? Thought you were too busy?”

“Look, I know I fucked up. Trust me, I know. So can we just go inside so we can talk?” Bakugou awkwardly shifted back and forth on his feet, hands shoved into his pockets while his gaze remained on you.

A brief silence filled the air between you two as he waited for your response, nervously chewing on his bottom lip in the meantime. You sighed before silently pushing the door open and stepping aside, warily letting him in once again. Shutting the door behind him, you motioned for him to head towards the couch.

“Just… wait here,” you said before disappearing into your room.

The blonde felt out of place as he stood in your living room, decorated with picture frames on the walls. He hadn’t been in your apartment in a long time, probably not since your housewarming party that you threw shortly after graduating from UA. The place didn’t look that much different from what he remembered, you still had the same rug, though it had a few stains now and the scent of the caramel apple scented candles you loved still lingered in the air.

After a few moments of standing in place awkwardly, he hesitantly walked towards the chimney to further inspect a picture that had caught his attention. It was a photo of you and him back when you still attended UA, the very same photo he’d kept in his wallet all these years. Hesitantly picking up the picture frame, he felt himself relax a bit as he reminisced all the good memories he shared with you.

“Miss those days?”

Your voice spooked him enough to clumsily place the picture frame back to where it belonged. Unsure what to say, Bakugou remained silent though his eyes spoke for him. God, he missed those times dearly.

“Yeah,” you sighed before walking into the living room, “I do too. Everything was a lot less confusing back then.”

Still, at a loss for words, Bakugou followed you like a lost puppy to the couch before tentatively sitting down. He felt like an idiot for not being able to use his words and get this over with, but it was your presence that turned him into a speechless fool.

“Are you going to keep staring at me? Or are you going to finally tell me what the fuck is going on?” You rolled your eyes at him from the opposite end of the sofa.

“Uh, yeah I just- I don’t know what to say.” He admitted bashfully.

“You’re joking, right? You don’t know what to say? Why are you even here?”

“No- that’s not what I meant. Obviously, I came here to get some things off my chest. I’m just not very good at this sort of thing and...” his voice trailed off into nothing but silence.

“Spit it out already, for fucks sake. I’m tired of waiting, Bakugou.” Your harshness stung but he knew he deserved it.

“Listen, I came to say that… I’m sorry. Okay? I know that I’ve been an asshole and probably caused you a few headaches,” he noticed your scoff before continuing, “I was dealing with some personal issues and took it out on you and I’m sorry.”

“What personal issues were you dealing with that could’ve warranted you treating me like shit? What could’ve been so bad that you shoved aside all our years of friendship and pretended like I didn’t even fucking exist, huh?”

Up until this point, you’d done a decent job at keeping your feelings bottled up. Years of doubt, pain, and confusion were all kept under wraps until now.

“Do you have any idea how much sleep I’ve lost staying up wondering what I did wrong and why you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore? Do you have any clue how much it hurt when I realized that my supposed best friend didn’t want to talk to me anymore?”

There was a certain rawness behind your words, a glimpse at your emotions that showed how hurt you truly were. Bakugou could tell that you were upset, and rightfully so. He knew he needed to hurry up and get his point across before it was too late, and yet he remained frozen in place. Mind racing at a million miles per hour, heart seemingly beating accordingly. At one point, your words had stopped registering in his head, all he could hear was the sound of his heartbeat.

“Oh, my god! Are you even listening?” You exclaimed exasperatedly.

Bakugou blinked a few times before replying, “yes! I’m listening, I just- there’s a lot on my mind and it’s- it’s a lot.”

You stared at him expectantly, waiting for a response to the rant you’d just dumped on him. It was hard to look at him for longer than a few seconds, and if you looked for a moment longer, you feared that you’d give in and forgive him. But you needed to stay strong and stand your ground, you couldn’t keep putting up with his shit forever and pretend like it was okay. You deserved better.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he sighed.

“Well, you did.”

His eyes flashed a look of guilt before he averted his gaze to his lap, “I know I did, and I’m sorry. Didn’t mean for things to get this bad, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“Okay… but I still want an explanation as to why you suddenly decided to change your attitude towards me.”

“I know! I’m getting there, damn it. This isn’t easy for me, you know. I’m trying my best so just… be patient with me.” He frowned.

“Can I… can I try something? Do you trust me?” Your expression softened, body turning towards him.

“Tch. I guess so.” Bakugou grumbled.

“Then I want you to come here and rest your head on my lap, like the old days. Remember?” You offered him a slight smile as you patted your thighs.

A confused expression fell upon Bakugou’s face as he stared back at you. It took him a moment before he slowly let his guard down just enough to do as you said, hesitantly resting his head on your lap. You smiled down at him before gently rubbing circles on his temples, something you did back in UA whenever he strained himself too much during training. A noticeable silence filled the room as he felt himself melting into your embrace, something he had missed dearly.

“Now, go ahead and talk to me. I’m listening.”

Bakugou nodded before taking a deep breath, “you’re too kind for your own good, you know. I don’t deserve this, and I sure as hell don’t deserve you, not after everything I’ve done.”

“Ssh, just keep talking.”

“But it’s the truth…” he sighed, “you want to know why I’ve been so distant?”

You hummed.

The blonde shut his eyes as he tried to gather his thoughts, “it’s ‘cause I was doing you a favor— or at least I thought I was. I thought that by leaving you in the past, with my memories of UA, that I’d be able to make things easier on the both of us. Apparently, that wasn’t the case because here we are, three years later back to square one.”

“Why would you think that would be such a good idea?”

“Because… all my life I’ve been this selfish bastard who destroyed everything in his path to get to the top. I’ve done fucked up shit that caused so much pain, so much destruction and if I could take it all back then trust me, I would. Eventually, I got tired of being the bad guy, so I decided that it would be best if I just left you alone.”

Your hands ceased momentarily, “So let me get this straight. You thought that you’d be doing me a favor by ghosting me with no warning? Didn’t you ever stop to consider just how hard it would be for me to lose my best friend?”

“You think it’s been any easier on me?” He scoffed.

“I feel like there’s still more you’re not telling me.”

“Yeah… I guess there’s no more avoiding it now, is there?”

“Nope.”

A sigh slipped past the blonde’s lips, “Figured. Listen here dumbass ‘cause I’m only saying this once. I didn’t exactly plan on falling for my best friend, but I did. It scared the hell out of me at first, just ask Shitty Hair. It still scares me if I’m completely honest.”

“How long? Since you realized that you had feelings for me?” You questioned.

“Far too long.”

Truthfully, Bakugou couldn’t have given you an accurate response even if he wanted to. He had no idea when these feelings had started to develop, all he knew was that one day you smiled at him and he felt his heart race like never before.

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

“Be happy that I even told you because I was already set on taking these feelings with me to the grave.”

“Is it really so bad that you like me?” You frowned.

Part of you knew that Bakugou was never the best at putting things nicely and usually it didn’t bother you. Not after years of growing accustomed to his blunt honesty. But that didn’t mean that his words didn’t sting just a tiny bit. Sure, you were happy that you’d gotten your answer but perhaps you’d be happier if he didn’t seem so bothered by the fact that he had feelings for you.

“You need to stop doing that. Stop talking about yourself like you’re just another damn extra. All my life, I’ve looked down on others. Never thought anyone would ever be as great as me. Yet, here you are and now I realize that I’m the one who isn’t good enough for you.”

Bakugou let out a frustrated sigh before sitting up and distancing himself from you, “So maybe it is bad that I like you as much as I do. ‘Cause, you deserve to be with someone perfect for you and I am far from that… Except, I don’t want to let you go. I’m fuckin’ selfish and I want to keep you all to myself. It’s fucked up, I know, but it’s the truth.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment, too busy processing all the information that had been dumped on you. It was a lot, but not necessarily in a bad way. There’d always been a glimmer of hope in the back of your mind that he felt the same way but you never expected him to ever admit it. Now that everything was out in the open, you couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with joy. Katsuki Bakugou, your best friend whom you’d been secretly harboring feelings for had finally admitted that those feelings were mutual.

“I’m the idiot that fell in love with their best friend...” the blonde mumbled, low enough that you’d nearly missed it.

If he had said anything else before that sentence then you hadn’t heard it, you found it hard to focus on his words when all you could think about was kissing him. Ignoring the nerves racing through your body, you took a leap of faith and gently shoved him down onto the sofa, leaning in for a kiss. Bakugou’s face heated up almost instantly with the blush spread across his face as evidence, his hand instinctively cradling the back of your head.

You smiled against his lips, “Well, then I guess that makes two of us.”

masterlist // taglist open // requests open

@combat-wombatus @sunflowersuki @blacpiink

#bakugou fluff #bakugo fluff #katsuki bakugou fluff #katsuki bakugo fluff #bakugou imagine #bakugo imagine #katsuki bakugou imagine #katsuki bakugo imagine #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha imagine #my writings

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 20

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader      Content: Language, possible errors  A/N: Some ppl asked for a playlist... so ofc I made one! 

Series Playlist or Chap 20 Playlist

【 Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 】

Chapter 20: Little Lion Man

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When Regulus was younger, his aunt Andromeda and Sirius were obsessed with Muggle stories. Andromeda would send them loads of books every month to the local Muggle post office to prevent their parents from confiscating them. He remembers the ten minute walks there and back, Sirius holding his hand tight, even stopping to buy ice cream during the warmer seasons. They would greet the delivery men and women, picking up a heavy stack of wrapped books before waddling out, each boy mirroring a large grin.

Every night at twilight, when their parents were asleep, Sirius would crawl into his bed and read to Regulus in a hushed voice. He would read a different story every night, lulling him to sleep. Sirius spent hours gushing about the fantastical tales Muggles wrote; how magical and mystical their minds were despite not having an ounce of magical blood. From Superman to Batman, the Joker to Daleks, Prince Caspian to King Miraz; Regulus quickly learned that they all had one common theme: the good guys and the bad guys.

Regulus often spent his time grappling with the notion; what made someone good? Because the definition changes depending on the person.

Were the good guys good because they were selfless — passionate? Those deemed good never let themselves be seen as selfish. The heroes would sacrifice themselves for the greater good, even going as far as giving up their loved ones. Or maybe it was because they went against the odds. But villains did that too.

So he re-worded the question; what made someone bad? Was it their selfishness or greed? Was it putting themselves above others? Did they know they were on the wrong side of history? Make a mistake, once, twice — but surely, that didn’t make someone bad. Did it?

If virtue is understood by both sides, then the bad guys would immediately cross that line time and time again. They lacked wisdom and truthfulness, filled with too much pride and vanity.

But now as he began to grow up far too quickly for a fourteen-year-old boy, he realized that there was more to people than just being good or evil, a saviour or tormentor, light versus darkness.

The definition of good and bad depended on who told the story and Regulus didn’t know who controlled his; him or his parents. The line was so blurred that he couldn’t objectively make the decision himself anymore. Was he more bad than good?

Laughter — rich and inviting beckoned throughout the library, snapping him out of his thoughts again; but it did nothing but chip away at his heart. Regulus got up, shoving his books and parchment into his bag, making sure to hide his face before they saw him. Today, the Marauders had come earlier than expected and he was caught off guard. He’d been doing everything to avoid them out of pure shame.

Before he went to turn, he eyed Sirius from the shadows. He smiled, carefree and happy, clinging onto Pettigrew, ruffling his hair like he once did to him.

What made them so special, so loved and cherished by Sirius? How were they able to make him laugh so effortlessly, able to brighten his day with a mere glance? What made them more of a family than he ever was to him?

But he knew, it was their family’s values and it had been taunting him every waking moment.

It’s not like he didn’t want to escape that night, but he wasn’t Sirius. He was never as bright or strong or as good as him. Sirius was bold and courageous and certainly had more bravery than he would ever have. Regulus was far too weak, a puppet for his parents to control. Sirius was everything Regulus was too afraid to be — a reminder of what he could have turned into.

Besides, there wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that his parents would have killed Kreacher had he left. And this way with Sirius gone, it left Regulus to be the sole heir. Sirius was free, not being hunted down by his parents now that he bore the title. That was his gift to him, freeing Sirius of all the responsibilities, pain and grief. He owed him that much. Besides, Regulus had already mourned the childhood he never had; that made everything easier.

The day Sirius left was the day before they were set to leave for Hogwarts again and the impact of his absence was massive. He no longer heard the thumping of loud Muggle music nor the clanking of piano keys or doors slamming shut. There wasn’t any screaming aside from his parents shrieking at him for taking his father's wand. The stairs creaked; he could even hear Kreacher padding his way to his room.

It was eerily quiet and lifeless in that damned house, and he was only gone for a day.

Regulus hadn’t been taking it well. Nearly every night, his face was pressed into a pillow muffling his sobs. Sirius had kept his promise, he hadn’t talked to him since.

If only he had a scarlet tie…

Ha! He could laugh; he’d been trying to get his attention in little ways. He’d even gone as far as growing out his hair to match his — coping by writing letters every night with words he wished he could’ve said before storing them in a box under his bed. Forever unsent. Hell, Regulus was a coward, every bit as pathetic as Sirius deemed.

Ever the winter break, his parents were relentless, dumping everything that was meant for Sirius onto him. Letters were sent daily; there were talks about an arranged marriage, lumps of money now being transferred under his name, getting the dark mark… and he was being watched. Every interaction he had, his parents always knew. Especially with Muggleborns; he had to limit his interactions with them to almost nothing, or it wouldn’t end well for either.

His mind reeled back to that night, where his parents and extended family toyed with that blonde Muggle, leaving her half-dead on the dining table, the image branded in his head. It made him sick just thinking about it, he never knew what happened to her, he was too busy trying to muffle out her screams.

Regulus had been questioning everything he was taught. Sirius’ words echoed in his head; was he willing to kill Muggleborns solely because of their blood status? He's a believer in old values and traditions: yes, blood should be kept pure, but to kill Muggles… that was completely different. He’d seen how his dearly beloved aunt was burned off the tapestry, threatened and almost killed for marrying a Muggleborn — a Muggleborn who he’s met and liked and respected. His family tortured them for the sake of it and more. That wasn’t the move of someone good, those were the actions of someone evil; filled with greed, spite and selfishness. But how was he going to stop a whole bloodline from their mania?

Some may call it obedience, the way he’s listened to his parents all these years blindly, but to him, it’s respect. But did he believe that? Did they deserve to be respected? He was miserable and this wasn’t a healthy way to show filial piety.

What did he believe in?

Perhaps there wasn’t such a thing, good or evil, maybe there was only power.

Regulus was lost and confused and most of all, lonely. He remembered Sirius promised him once, before the day he was set to leave for Hogwarts for the first time, that he would never be alone. What a funny thing, promises.

Tears were forming fast and if he didn’t leave then, they would fall any second now. He needed to get out of the library.

Regulus asked himself again; what made someone good or bad — or rather, was he good or bad? He’s veering towards bad.

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After catching word from Mary that Remus’ birthday was approaching, Y/N had been knitting him a sweater in her spare time (or trying to). It was sweet, simple and showed that she’d put effort into it, especially since he taught her. Although, the sweater was lopsided and she hadn’t quite gotten the hang of a certain stitch or how to close sections. Perhaps she should use magic.

Her fingers fiddled with the needle, looping the yarn over the other side. Without looking up, she made a sharp turn into the library before crashing into a hunched-over figure; sniffling and a complete mess.

An apology dangled from her lips before recognizing the figure as Regulus. It had been two months since she’d last seen him and in short, he looked like shit. His skin was grey and lost all sense of a youthful dewy glow. If Sirius had dark eye circles or Remus looked tired, Regulus beat them by miles.

Y/N stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do before gently patting his shoulder. “Regulus?” She asked softly, nothing more than a whisper.

There was a flash of pure terror as he looked up, his eyes nervous as his head spun around to look around the place like he always did. He looked mad, almost unhinged as his hands gently pushed her away, signalling for her to leave. “I — I can’t be seen around you.”

“Can’t? What are you going on abo —” She cut herself off, ignoring the matter entirely. He clearly wasn’t in the right mindset.

His voice was strained, quiet as he kept on murmuring, he almost sounded angry. “You can’t — we’ll both get in trouble. Y/N, go — please… ”

At this, Y/N felt her skin rise in small goosebumps. She looked back to the library, just making out her friend’s figures before looking down at Regulus again. She wasn’t going to leave him like this: crying and delusional.

She took a deep inhale before bending down, picking up her needles and yarn off the ground and slipped them into her bag. She placed a cautious arm around Regulus to keep him upright. “Come with me.” But Regulus wouldn’t budge, not until she flicked down her hood, obscuring her face.

She led him up to the astronomy tower, walking and twisting around before setting him down on a nearby bench, making sure to lock any entrances. They sat in silence, aside from Regulus attempting to regulate his breathing. The cold whipping wind tossed his hair and sank into her bones. With a few charms, they were both warm again, but still able to breathe in the crisp air.

He remained quiet. Y/N didn’t push. Instead, she began babbling softly about random things to distract him. When she heard a sharp exhale of air, mimicking a half-hearted chuckle was when she knew he had calmed down.

“Thank you,” he muttered. It’s quiet, barely above a whisper. Regulus’ cheeks were pink, colour finally returning to him from either embarrassment or the cold.

“Any time,” she smiled warmly. Her hand reaches into her bag, fishing out the snacks that were meant for the study group: blackberries that were for Remus, a muffin for Marlene, were now shared between them. She tried to encourage him to eat, to regain any sort of energy.

He listened without complaint, a tense yet thankful air engulfed them. It was only until he finished the food, about an hour gone by, was when he spoke again. “Why are you being so nice to me.” It’s not even a question, just an odd accusation.

She thinks for a while, searching for the best answer. “I wished someone was there for me when I was going through a hard time.”

“But you don’t know me.”

Her eyebrows raised, “Well, let’s get to know each other then. I’ll tell you something about myself and then you can go?”

Regulus looked up at her with a calculated expression, cautious and looked uncomfortable but he nodded.

“Let’s start simple. I have an owl named Celeste.”

He gulped, looking back to the entrance. His answer came delayed, strained and she wondered if she had pushed him too far. “I play the violin.”

Y/N smiled largely. “The violin is beautiful! Hmm… I can’t ride a broomstick to save my life, unlike you.”

At this, he smiles — a real genuine smile that causes his eyes to crinkle and sparkle. “Really?” His eyes burned with curiosity before he looked down, “I can’t swim.”

“Swim?” She repeats, chuckling to herself, “Who doesn’t know how to swim?”

“You’re making me feel grand. Terribly uncalled for.”

Her eyes rolled, “You should learn. It can save your life one day. Who wants to drown?”

“Maybe I’ll ask McGonagall — I heard for tougher punishments she’ll throw you into the black lake.”

“You’re the perfect candidate then.”

After a while, way past curfew, Regulus seemed cheerier; his tear-stained cheeks now replaced with a smile and relaxation. That day, Y/N unaware, was a day Regulus would never forget.

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March 8th, 1976

“Sirius, shut up.”

“You’re the one yelling!”

“... Right.”

Excused from their afternoon classes because their Puffskein was about to hatch, the Marauder’s dorm was bustling with panic and bickering. When Y/N partnered with Sirius for their project, she expected fighting (which happened every day) but not for Sirius to be like this. He’d been running around the dorm, grabbing warm towels, bowls of water and taking out his panic on her. He gripped his textbook, flicking through notes to see if they had everything. It was as if he was preparing for the birth of an actual baby.

She silently watched him, her mind thinking about Regulus rather than their project. This was the only time she and Sirius were alone and wondered if she should mention his freakout the other day but stopped — it didn’t take a genius to know they weren’t on friendly terms.

Since that night, she’d seen Regulus almost daily, but only at night before their study group. She would spend an hour or so with him before the Marauder or girls came barraging in; Regulus left before they appeared. The entire situation left her deeply confused, worried and most of all, suspicious.

“We need Kettleburn —”

Annoyance began nipping at her. “Calm down.”

“I’m not going to calm down!”

Sirius paced, both firing snide jabs. Too preoccupied in his panicked state, he didn’t hear the quiet cracking of the white shell, forming the shape of a lightning bolt before cascading over.

“Um, Black?”

“Let’s not start. How are you so —”

“Get your ass over here now!”

Sirius pressed his lips together immediately and rushed over, both huddled side by side near the roaring fireplace. The shell twitched, cracking more and they both gasped in amazement. The process was faster than either expected as they saw the small tuft of cream fur peek out along with a pair of black eyes. Its long pink tongue slipped out, already looking for its first meal. Y/N scrambled to grab a nearby dish of dried spiders to feed it while Sirius cradled it in his hand. His smile was wide, buzzing with excitement as he observed it. His hands gently glided over the soft fur as it emitted a low humming sound.

A deep chuckle erupts from Sirius and she could feel the vibrations from how close they were. His laugh, which once made her cringe, now made her skin feel fuzzy and heart flutter. But, it wasn’t like that, she thinks. Of course not! She still wants to jinx him, maybe even throw him into the fireplace. Yes, that’s it.

She snaps out of her violent thoughts when she finds Sirius already looking at her, a pretty flush to his skin as he observes her softly. Her brows crinkled; instead of a frown or on the cusp on an insult, he smiles.

“Do you want to hold it?” Y/N nods eagerly. Sirius shifts his body, placing the Puffskein in the palms of her hands. It’s incredibly soft, adorable and when it leans into her, falling asleep, she swore she fell in love.

“What do you want to name it?” She mumbled, afraid that if she were any louder it might wake it up. Sirius takes a long time to ponder and Y/N braces herself for an insult, already thinking of a plethora of her own.

“It looks like porridge… Oatmeal!”

“Are you serious?”

“I’d be worried if I wasn’t.”

Y/N tries to suppress her smile but fails. The Puffskein did look like a grain of oatmeal. Plain and simple, she liked it.

“Hello, Oats! You’re so cute — I could just eat you up!”

“Morbid much.”

Hours went by before they ultimately decided to head down to Kettleburn’s office for an examination of Oats’ health. Sirius cradled it in a small blanket, shielding it from the rest of the world. Marlene and Dorcas were standing by the sidelines, joining them as they walked past.

“Yours hatched already? Aw, it looks so cute!” Dorcas squealed. Her hands reached out, giddy as Sirius gently placed it into her arms but not without fretting. Marlene only looked down at her with a soft gaze, her face becoming pink as she wrapped an arm around her.

“Give it a rest. She’s not going to drop it.”  

“Now you, McKinnon?! I’m a father now! Our kid deserves the best care! Right, L/N?”

It catches her off guard. Sirius trying to include her in a conversation? That’s a new milestone. “Of course; the proudest parents.”

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Once done with Kettleburn, Sirius went to bring Oats back to his dorm, parting as Y/N went to find Lily who took her notes for her afternoon classes.

Out in the courtyard, walking around in the snow, both Lily and Snape wandered around before she picked up a snowball, throwing it at him. Snape sent her a deadpanned look as Lily kept hurling snowballs. Most missed him, others hit him before he retaliated and threw some back.

Y/N halted, watching the scene play out and debated whether or not to approach them. But decided to, shouting while striding up to them.

“Petals!”

Lily’s smile grew before her head whipped to her. She stopped her snowball fight, getting up to bounce her way over to her. Snape followed in suit, but as Lily began to babble on and on about what she missed, Snape’s eyes bore into her, vice versa.

“I’ll see you later, Sevy! We need to go,” said Lily, already turning to walk away. Y/N lingered back a pause, just enough to see Snape draw his wand and shoot a spell at her. She had just enough time to block it. Whatever spell it was, it sparkled like a firecracker. If Snape could easily send a hex or jinx her way inboard daylight with Lily just a little ahead, what was he willing to do had they been alone.

His angel persona around her was dropping quickly.

“Whiskers!” Shouted Lily. Her arms raised in question. “Get over here!”

A flurry of thoughts bombarded her before she could process them. She was about to cause a scene, yell and scream until that nasty sneer fell off his face until she felt a tug on her arm. Lily hooked her arm around Y/N, pulling her away. But she still had her wand drawn, ready to block another spell. She tossed one last look at him; he smiled wickedly.

“Are you okay?”

She had enough tip-toeing around Snape. She remained tranquil, gave him the benefit of the doubt and respected their friendship but that was enough.

“No, I’m not actually,” keeping her tone as soft as possible, trying not to sound defensive, “Why do you waste your time around him?”

Lily paused, her eyes going wide. An offended expression crossed her face as she took a moment to digest the remark. “Sev? What are you getting at?” Her tone was guarded which had Y/N debating whether or not to drop the conversation entirely. A fight with Lily was not on her to-do list.

“I just think you should be careful around him.”

“I can look out for myself,” she grumbled, “Severus has been there for me for years. I know how to separate myself from the wrong sorts.”

“I’m only saying this to look out for —”

“I know, but he isn’t like what you’re thinking.” Lily didn’t look mad, just tired as she nodded sharply. Taking a stack of parchment from her bag, Lily handed it to her and walked faster. “You’re around Potter too much. He isn’t like what he says he is.”

Y/N felt annoyance blossom in her chest at the accusation of James but bit her tongue to avoid more conflict. Right now, they trod on dangerous waters.

Neither spoke to each other for the rest of the day.

#sbtmas #Harry Potter #harry potter series #harry potter fanfiction #HP #HP series #hp marauders #hp angst #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #Lily Evans #Severus snape #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x you #young!sirius black #young!sirius black x reader #young!Remus Lupin x reader #young marauders #Marauders #the marauders #marauders era #harry potter marauders #sirius black x reader #regulus black #reader insert #sirius black x y/n #love triangle #Sirius Black x Remus Lupin x reader #James Potter

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker x fem! Ghafa! Reader - Selfish

A/n: So I wasn't fully happy how this turned out but it's fine! Also btw I changed the title it was previously There for you, there for me?

Warnings: Heart break, language, it has Kaz in it so... I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: Inej your sister is coming back and you know it's selfish but maybe you don't want her to return?

You knew you it was stupid, they all warned you not to. But how could you not? Those raven locks and those deep cold eyes that drew you into a endless ocean of Kaz Brekker. You knew it was silly, crazy even, but maybe that's what the world needed? Did the world need the impossible? The insane? The crazy parts?

When the ice court heist left everyone in shambles trying quickly to pick up the pieces of what you had all lost, and gained. While Nina and Matthias went off to Fjerda, Wylan and Jesper ran the markets, and Inej went off fighting slavers, you...

You stayed.

You stayed for the man that your sister held his heart, the man that you fell for. Staying in Ketterdam surprised everyone, staying with the dregs surprised them even more. You could have left with Inej, you had also been trapped in the menagerie, but your heart had told you to stop listening to your head for second. Would you be happy if you did?

No.

It was the simple yet complicated answer. You realized that you would never be happy as the barrel had become a way of life for you. You were a goddess here, why would you let that go? Ya it was selfish but the sea would shallow you whole with memories you didn't need, they almost did on the ice court heist.

You scale a building as you rip open a letter from your sister giddily, awaiting to see the words on the page that were meant for you. Taking the letter out of the envelope, your smile slowly starts to fade away into a frown as your eyes go down the page.

Dear sister,

The seas have been treating me well, the slavers seems to be cooling down a bit which leads me to my next point of this letter. I'm coming back to visit Ketterdam! I really don't know how you live there, remember the seas are always open for you! Also can you do me a quick favor and in this envelope there's another note inside here for Kaz, can you deliver it for me? Thank you!

May the Saints bless you,

With lots of love, your sister;

Inej

Dread filled you up. Maybe it was selfish however perhaps selflessness wasn't one of your qualities. But you didn't want Inej to come back, you had started something with Kaz. Building anything with Kaz was hard, much less a relationship. Would he choose her over you? The possibilities were endless of what could happen, but you saw very little outcomes where you and Kaz would stay together.

Of course he would choose her, why wouldn't he? You call yourself a goddess, yet your worried what might happen if your little lover might come into contact with your sister. Ha! Your nothing compared to the Wraith.

Shut it. You think, but the truth still lays there right in front of you. It was out in the open and you couldn't ignore it anymore. But what would you do?

Be happy for them. A voice in the back of your head whispers sadly.

Yes, that's what you would do. If they would want to be together you would help them. Selflessness may not be one of the qualities you possessed but you somehow had grabbed it off of someone else shelf. It was in your hands now, and you were going to use it.

As you start to walk back over to the Slat, one thought remains in your mind at the plan you had just formed.

What about you?

+++++++++++TIME SKIP+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wait on the docks beside Kaz, as you two stand side by side waiting for the boat The Wraith to unload. Wylan and Jesper are also there, talking to each other like there's no tomorrow. They're probably just trying to shake off the nerves. You know you are.

You nervously fiddle with your hands as it feels like Inej's crew takes forever to unload everything and start getting everything together. You may not have wanted your sister to come back but you still wanted her to be safe.

And alive. That would be enjoyable.

Finally after what seemed like a century you see the girl come out from the boat and step onto the docks. A single beam of sun light somehow seems to hit her face perfectly as she does and it makes her look like a saint.

Jealousy fills and bubbles in your gut heating to a boiling point. But you push it down because thank the saints she came back alive and unhurt. You pull her into a hug as she comes close enough to you.

While pulling away you smile at her, one of the things that you don't do very often, even so you only really do for two people. Internally you cringe for thinking about Kaz and Inej in the same thought process.

Be happy for them.

Wylan and Jesper go in for a hug and Kaz just's nods at her not liking touch. Though, his eyes still shines a certain way when he looks at her.

"How did the sea's treat you?" Kaz ask's her and Inej goes into a whole delivery of stories about her time at sea. You all started walking to a near waffle house and the one group suddenly turns into two. With Inej, Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan at the front, and you walking in the back. Alone.

For a split second you wished Nina and Matthias were here. Although Nina would like to listen to Inej's sea stories she would have stayed with you. But this is as it should be.

You didn't deserve that kind of kindness.

They go into the waffle house and you step aside into the darkness on the street, you were no Wraith but you were still a Ghafa.

They don't even notice your absence.

You watch them through the window and although it may had been a bit creepy you were sure Kaz did worse and you lived in Ketterdam so... And everything you see just confirms your suspicions.

Inej and Kaz look at each, Kaz looks her that way and quickly looks away. They share little innocent touches that would go unnoticed by the regular person but meant your world was slowly breaking. Touch, touch, touch.

Tears well up in your eyes and you push down sobs. Turning sharply to the side you run down the street for a bit before finding a building and a ladder. You scale the building with the help of the ladder not being careful enough so bruises and scrapes would probably show up. But not having enough will to care.

You go and stumble to sit down on the edge and when you do the sobs finally at last leave your throat.

There ugly and uncalled for, because why did you have the right to cry?

No. You growl in your mind.

For once you did have a good reason. Your heart just broke. By the saints even that sounds silly and stupid but you really didn't care.

People always seem to try and describe a broken heart but you absolutely cannot know what it feels like if you have not had your heart broken before.

Tears roll down your face as you continue to sob. Then abruptly... You stop.

Well, your tears silently roll down your cheeks but your sobbing stops. The full feeling finally hits you and the roll coaster you thought you would be experiencing isn't there. It's worse.

Your heart has been ripped out of your chest and it's leaving a gaping hole. Honestly, you don't think you'll ever get it back.

Pathetic, you knew it was, but maybe so was life and this is all just some sick game for someone else's enjoyment.

You barely hear it but there's a soft click of a cane and you didn't even realize it but it was already dark out.

Shit.

You know it's Kaz and you can't face him. You really can't. One because he would obviously know somethings wrong just by taking one look at your tear streaked face. Two because how could you face the man you loved, when you knew he at least liked your sister?

"I would say the stars aren't out today, but they never are in Ketterdam." You start to say, and your voice doesn't wobble but it does have a sense of finality to it.

Kaz comes and stands behind you, and you assumed that he nodded because he didn't say anything. Or maybe nothing was needed to be done or said.

"Inej sometimes said that the stars are the saints watching over us." You pause for a second looking up at the starless sky. Where are you going with this?

"If they are then Ketterdam must be out of their reach and Inej must have brought them back from the sea."

Kaz steps forward so he's even closer to you, and place's a shaky hand on your shoulder.

"I don't think that's true." Kaz whispers into the cold air of Ketterdam.

"If the saints are real and they couldn't watch over Ketterdam. But there's one saint that's always here, that could probably leave if they could but won't. One saint that must be the child of them all, because their so much more then they give themselves credit for. And that the saints sent them to watch over Ketterdam but to never leave." Kaz stops talking and he slowly sits down beside me.

You don't turn to face him you never do when you have talks like these. It's like a silent rule between the two of you, but Kaz Brekker was literally a criminal you both are. So your not nearly as surprised as you should be when he finally decides to break it.

He place's a gloveless hand under your chine and gently turns your head so your facing him. Your eyes finally meet his and everything comes into focus and-

Oh.

You've heard people say that the eyes are the entrance to the soul and maybe you didn't believe them before but it couldn't be more right. In Kaz's eyes you see what he's been trying to tell you for months, but you were so blind in thinking that Inej loved him that you didn't see his attempts. But now, you knew.

He didn't love Inej, he love's you.

He cups your cheek and slowly leans in and lightly brush's his lips on yours. It's barley a kiss but it's enough for now. It's all you could ever ask for.

"Inej love's you." It's a simple statement and Kaz just nods. You hesitate trying to think about your next few words carefully.

"I don't want to hurt her, I never could hurt her intentionally but... What should we do?"

Kaz thinks for a moment before speaking. "Inej will be out at sea and I think one day she'll find someone. She'll be out at sea and we'll break to her when she's ready. And I think whatever we have we can- can have. I know it's selfish but I've never been know for being selfless."

You just intertwine your guy's hands together in agreement while you watch the gloomy but alive streets of Ketterdam.

It's selfish, you both know it but selflessness apparently was not something in both your personality traits.

Words 1905

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung

#shadow and bone #six of crows #Soc #Kaz brekker x ghafa reader #kaz brekker #Kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz x you #inej ghafa #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #nina zenik #mattias helvar #milo #grishaverse #crooked kingdom #murder babies #saints #no mourners no funerals #kaz brekker imagine #the crows #the crow club #waffles

[eclipsebythedawn]

Smothered Flames & Shadows (Part 1)

Hi guys! So this is my first fanfiction ever, and I’m honestly not sure if it’s even good but I thought I wanted to share some Gwynriel with you all :) I have a sort of story planned out and this will likely have more parts. I’m pretty sure I will continue this story since I have more stuff planned out (hence the part 1) but right now it’s just some Gwynriel crumbs. Hope you guys will enjoy it and stay safe wherever you are. 

(How are we gonna wait like ten years for the Gwynriel book because I believe in you SJM you MUST MUST give us Gwynriel ??!) 

Ps. This is the updated version, I added a new chunk for Azriel’s reaction. (Updated on 26 April 2021)

Azriel's wings flapped as he patrolled the skies. The dense cloud cover as well as the fading sunlight disguised his presence and he needed minimal effort to remain hidden. His shadows could taste the looming chaos and flitted around him warningly.

Be careful, be careful.

He could hear through their thoughts and saw through their lingering words. All was quiet here, it seemed. He would much rather preferred to be stationed at the ethereally beautiful Dawn Court, their High Lord serene but with an inner strength that was unflappable, instead of... here.

The Autumn Court held no such delights. Yes, the scenery was more than picturesque -- its flora suspended in eternal autumn, the golden-brown leaves swirling leisurely through the air, their russet color so much like a certain male that was mated to a certain girl he could never have.

Allow me to make one thing very clear. You are to stay away from her.

Unbidden, his brother's fury-driven words cut into his muddled thoughts. Azriel knew that he was old and cranky and Rhys didn't deserve his anger and resentment after what he went through for all of them, but he was... gods, he was so damn tired.

The first female outside of Mor who had caught his eyes -- of course she had to be denied from him. Cauldron knew that the Mother had never shone its light on him, not that he even deserved to be embraced by Her warmth.

His mind finally allowed him to remember the beautiful brunette always on the back of his mind. Her doe-like eyes, sweet smile and that alluring scent, so pure and innocent and arousing and --

Fuck.

Azriel adjusted himself, his pants stifling and uncomfortable. Shit. He was in deep shit. But he couldn't stop himself from fantasizing about how she would taste, how she would look when he made her come.

Rhys's words from the other day, during solstice so many months ago, hadn't helped. Azriel's desperate lust had only grown even more to the point that he was actively avoiding the second Archeron sister so she wouldn't scent his arousal.

For that matter, so his two brothers wouldn't catch him lusting after her especially after the warning he was given.

And she seemed to be avoiding him too.

Azriel made one more round in the skies, the night as chilly and familiar as his own shadows that seemed strangely subdued now. His thoughts continued to stray towards...

Elain.

Beautiful, clean, pure, worthy Elain. He was none of those things, he knew that. Had resigned himself to it after five centuries of futile pining for a female that never returned his desires. He did not blame Mor. Could not blame Mor. He was tainted and she deserved someone better than him.

But when he saw Elain... Their unlikely friendship had gradually turned into something more. It had only continued to develop after Elain was Made High Fae and he became even more attuned to her, constantly sharing the same space. And for the first time since Mor, he wanted. He wanted to have what his two brothers had. It was wrong and it was selfish, but he saw Rhys and Cassian and he wondered --

Maybe the Cauldron had made a mistake. Three sisters of blood and three brothers of choice. Two thirds fulfilled, and somewhere deep down inside, he had been uselessly, worthlessly holding onto hope.

He had not dared to whisper it out loud until Rhys caught him just before their kiss. And Rhys reaction had only served to remind him why he was wrong for her. Why Elain deserved someone else.

But for the first time in his life, he wanted to throw caution to the wind.

Deciding that all was well and not wanting to remain a second longer, Azriel gathered his shadows and prepared to winnow back to home. He frowned when his shadows flittered over him... disapprovingly?

Yes, that was disapproval. His lips tightened as they swirled around him angrily.

What the hell was wrong with them tonight?

Azriel yanked on his petulant shadows. They continued to ignore him, some even going as far as to ignore him.

He scowled. His shadows were stepping out of line more and more frequently as thought something was bothering him.

Or someone.

He shoved aside the image of tendrils dancing and singing around a certain redhead, her bright teal eyes laughing and --

Azriel forcibly winnowed and dragged his disobeying shadows after him, leaping across the miles between the Autumn Court and home within a single step, resigning himself to a lonely night -- as always.

~~~

The night was alive.

It was a comforting blanket draped over her, Gwyn mused silently.

But she felt dead.

It was going to be one of those nights, then. Those nights when she woke up screaming, drenched in sweat only to realize it was just another nightmare. That reality was like a noose tied around her neck, dragging her further down into the pits of Hell where she belonged.

She would never meet Catrin even in death. Because her lovely, beautiful sister who had shone like the brightest star was amongst the stars in the heavens. That single thought was the only thing pushing her forward on the worst of nights.

On nights where flinging herself out of a high balcony on the impossible chance that she would see Catrin again seemed possible. Gwyn had thought that that was before.

Before Nesta, before Emerie, before meeting her Valkyrie sisters whom she knew would and had walked with her through pain and darkness and led her back.

But even after so much training, nothing had changed. She was still the cowardly, timid, broken doll she thought she had left behind.

Gwyn sighed even as sadness and pain, always so much pain, swelled inside her. Logically she knew she wasn't thinking straight. If Nesta or Emerie were here, they would be chiding her for her thoughts, the former sharp but mindful, and the latter firm but gentle. A small smile came onto her faces at all the memories they shared.

The cutting of the ribbon. Winning the obstacle course that served as the Blood Rite Qualifier. And then winning the actual Blood Rite itself while Nesta -- unyielding, unflinching -- held the lines for Gwyn and Emerie to be crowned as Carynthians.

And now, Nesta and Cassian's mating ceremony. Despite everything she was feeling, Gwyn was happy for her friend.

Her sister by choice.

She knew Nesta deserved Cassian as he did her, and she felt genuine happiness for the pair. It was obvious during the long months of initial, grueling training that there was a spark between the two. An attraction that could not be denied.

She longed to find that love though in truth Gwyn knew she might never be ready for it.

Her point was further proven yesterday when Nesta had invited them during a break in training to her mating ceremony, held in a week's time. Gwyn knew that preparations were already underway and she was as honored and grateful as Emerie to be invited, but still she had hesitated, especially at the list of invited and accepted guests.

It wasn't mortifyingly long since Nesta only wanted close friends and family and Cassian only wanted the High Lord, Rhysand and Azriel, but the guest was filled with important names that made Gwyn nervous just to hear them.

The High Lord and High Lady were enough to make her dizzy. And then there was the High Lord's Second and Third, both formidable females in their own right. Gwyn thought wryly though that Emerie had seemed flustered and even blushed a little when her ears caught on a certain someone's name in the list Nesta had shared.

She was happy for her friend too. Emerie deserved friendship -- and love, if that relationship could blossom. But she knew better than interfere when her own relationships were so precarious.

The Prince of Adriata was coming, along with Mother above, the High Lord of the Day Court, Helion. Nesta's younger sister Elain was on the list as well though Nesta's face had clouded a bit when she read her name out loud. And then there was her mate -- Lucien Vanserra.

The supposedly exiled son of the High Lord of Autumn, who had ties to numerous Courts and was a valuable ally.

It was silly and stupid but amidst this sea of important names, Gwyn had wondered on more than one occasion what she could even do there. She had immediately scolded herself mentally, that she would be attending the ceremony for Nesta and even Cassian, who had become a bit of an older brother figure to her, and she would have Emerie with her.

She knew Emerie would fight anyone who dared to even look at her the wrong way.

But the larger part of Gwyn was scared. So many people would be attending, especially the males. It wasn't as if Helion or Lucien would randomly pounce on her, and that her fear was irrational, but she couldn't stop thinking about them. Couldn't stop thinking about that day where so many males surrounded her, where that hateful Hybern commander had ordered her held down, had pummeled into her as silent tears fell down her face, had laughed in her face and --

Gwyn counted the stars in the sky in time to her quickened breathing. Deep breaths, she told herself. When she couldn't sleep on nights like these she would train until nearly the breaking of dawn. She should get up from her position on the ground.

Probably.

But lying on the cold floor of the training area atop the House of Wind was a refreshing change. After having been coped up in the library for two years, she had finally decided to join Nesta in her morning training sessions with Cassian.

It was quite possibly the best decision she had ever made.

But still... But still, the doubt lingered. It festered. It thrived on her pain and self-hatred, quietly growing on nights like these.

It thrived at the fact that Emerie had accepted the invitation immediately, but Gwyn, worthless, selfish Gwyn had not. Was she so pathetic that she couldn't even congratulate her friend on her special day?

She should really get up. Perhaps train a bit more, instead of lying here wallowing in her dark thoughts.

Then a tiny tendril of shadow-kissed power gently prodded her arm. She startled, turning around and half-getting up.

She already knew who would be standing before her with his usual contemplative silence.

Azriel.

He was before her and she froze for one second. A twinge of fear crept in at his closeness, at the nearness of another male, so suddenly and unpredicted --

Azriel took a step back, saying softly, "I'm sorry if I surprised you."

Gwyn blinked. The shadowsinger was nothing but the epitome of manners and he had likely scented her fear.

"It's fine." And that was true. Her fear had instantly washed away as abruptly as it had arrived upon realizing who was here.

Azriel would never hurt her, Gwyn was sure of that.

She cleared her throat, trying to get rid of the awkward silence that had descended.

"Are you here for something?" She winced slightly at her choice of words. This was his home. She had no right to even utter such a question when she was the outsider.

Before Azriel could reply, another shadow darted out and wrapped itself around her arm before rushing back to its master. Gwyn felt the corners of her lips twitched up as the shadowsinger blinked once, twice in... shock.

"Did you forget your favorite dagger again?" She teased and was rewarded with a faint blush on his cheeks. His lovely and if she dared say, adorable shadows had given her the courage she needed.

To her surprise, he played along. "Have you seen an eighteen-inch dagger anywhere?"

Gwyn burst out laughing at the ridiculous statement.

"May I remind you that it's a dagger you have misplaced -- not a sword?"

"Forgive me if my memory fails sometimes." Was she seeing things or was there a twinkle in his eyes?

"Well, you do seem to forget things rather easily." Oh, she was certain! Amusement ran deep inside his hazel eyes and Gwyn felt breathless for a second, mesmerized by the beautiful male.

Staring into his eyes... She smiled at him, a genuine crinkling of her eyes. He had lifted her mood within seconds of his arrival.

Azriel seemed to freeze for a second, his usual stillness somehow magnifying. Intensifying. His shadows writhed around and she had the odd feeling that he was struggling to control them.

She blinked, and the moment passed.

"Were you training?" Azriel motioned towards her sweaty body. She nodded mutely, still caught up in what had occurred. Was it just her imagination? Looking at the stoic Illyrian standing before her, Gwyn decided she was just too tired, and her mind was playing tricks on her.

"...My help?"

Gwyn snapped out of her thoughts, head jerking up. "What?"

Azriel cocked an eyebrow at her obvious inattentiveness and she felt herself blushing. She chided herself mentally.

"Do you require my help?" He repeated the question, that faint amusement still dancing in his eyes.

"Wait. Are you asking to train me?" Another eyebrow raise.

"Were you expecting me to teach you the benefits of lying on the cold floor in the middle of the night?" He replied dryly.

Gwyn scowled and immediately stood up.

"Uh-huh. I was expecting you to fling your arms about and start serenading me."

"Is that a demand?" Azriel chuckled quietly. Gwyn thought that might be the most heavenly sound she had ever heard.

"Is that a challenge?" Gwyn shot back, not missing a beat.

The corners of his lips twitched up. Gwyn wanted to wipe that smirk off his face, her competitive streak setting in. She was also excited for this match because truth be told, she had been training everyday in anticipation of wiping the floor with the shadowsinger. It was her secret fantasy.

Not that it would happen anytime still but... Still.

"You can help me with my training. But on one condition."

Azriel contemplated her more seriously before he nodded his head.

"We fight now. Hand-to-hand."

~~~

The night was alive.

And Gwyneth Berdara was the full moon that accompanied it, shining brightly even amidst the darkness. She was so lovely, yet he sensed something pure and burning thriving inside her. His shadows yearned to flit around her, touch her, dance and sing for her. He had to keep them on a tight leash, and they were unhappy.

Little tendrils of darkness swirled around him petulantly. They wanted to go to Gwyn. Would have gone to her without his intervention. One stray thread snuck out and nearly coiled around Gwyn's wrist before he snatched it back in time. He could have sworn his own shadows growled at him. But he had bigger things to focus on.

Like the fact that Gwyn had just challenged Azriel to a duel.

Once again, his shadows had failed to mention that she was here. There was no quick escape that didn't end in awkwardness so he had stayed -- and so far he was... contented. Being around her seemed to have that effect on himself.

She was humming to herself as she stretched, preparing her body before their fight. His shadows buzzed around excitedly, seeming to forget about their earlier disagreement. He supposed there was no question who they were rooting for.

"Ready?" He asked Gwyn. She nodded, then held up a hand.

"Wait." She retied her ponytail, not letting even a single strand of her coppery chestnut obstructing her vision. He admired her competitiveness, her courage and strength in always fighting for the best.

Meeting her by chance here again reminded him of solstice, and his mind wandered to Elain before he slammed down his thoughts.

Focus. He had watched and trained Gwyn enough to know that she was a threat: an emerging dark horse that proved unpredictable and cunning. He also knew she had silently studied his fighting style enough to know more than just a few of his preferred tricks.

They circled each other, neither one of them making the first move.

He had drilled into her what signs to look out for, what feints and what blockings would be an unexpected yet effective counterattack that he was more than a little wary.

Still, he decided to make the first move, which was so out of his usual style that he hoped she would be unprepared. He had the feeling that she already knew he was going to attack first though as she sidestepped him and threw a punch.

Like he was expecting. He grabbed it and pulled her towards him to jilt her balance, but she was already expecting that and swept out her leg, forcing him to move unless he wanted to end up on the ground. The next move he had perfected to mastery.

He pretended to feint left when he was actually aiming for the left. A cheap shot, but he had also taught her that no real fights were clean and honest. She twisted her body but they both knew she wouldn't dodged in time.

At the last moment, his shadows decided to move and --

Capture his fucking hand. They wrapped themselves around him and his eyes widened as he was stopped mid-throw by his own shadows. The scenario would have been laughable if he wasn't in so much disbelief. They had never outright hindered him in any battles before.

He cursed, barely dodging the next kick Gwyn sent his way. They broke apart again and Gwyn asked, "Something wrong?" She glanced towards his wayward shadows and he had a strong feeling she knew.  

He shook his head, glaring at his swirling shadows. They just blinked up at him innocently.

Don't hurt her. Don't hurt her. Lovely mistress lovely mistress lovely mistress.

He gritted his teeth. Their fancy for Gwyn had reached the point of obsession but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she squinted and then broke into a grin.

"Aha. I thought I saw your little friends earlier." At her words, his shadows flew towards her joyfully, happy to be recognized. Azriel rubbed his neck as his shadows neared Gwyn, knowing that she had to secretly hate them for being so ugly and tainted and unworthy --

Gwyn bent down. What she did next would stay in his memories forever. Holding out an arm, she let his shadows coiled around the entire length, wisps of midnight trailing her as she walked towards Azriel.

His shadows were happier than he had ever known them to be. He could feel their joy with every step she took, sense the way they were telling him to look look look look.

Then Gwyn smiled at him, her teal eyes so clear and large.

"Your shadows are beautiful."

~~~

"Your shadows are beautiful."

Azriel stood still. His entire body was frozen, and even his heart seemed to cease its beating.

Gwyn took a step back at whatever expression was on his face. What she said... Did she understand that what she said -- no one had ever deigned to voice before?

Did she look at his hideous soul and scarred hands?

Did she see how truly stained he was?

He wanted to believe she did. He had never wanted something more than Gwyn seeing him, truly seeing him be true. But if it were true...

How could his shadows be beautiful?

"I'm -- I'm sorry for stepping out of line." She stuttered out, her eyes wide.

Azriel glanced up sharply, snapped out of his trance. She looked horrified and was stammering out another apology, her pitch high and wobbly.

Shit.

Before he could process what he was saying, words tumbled out of his mouth, aided by the push of an impatient shadow desperate to right all things wrong.

"It is I who should be apologizing." His voice was a soft whisper in the night breeze. Gwyn paused halfway through her long speech and she stood there gaping at him.

"I am sorry, Gwyn." Azriel truly was. He could feel the shame gnawing at him. Yet another mistake. Yet another disappointment. He was a lowly half-breed bastard. His "little friends" curled around his tightening fists anxiously. He could not quite meet her eyes as chagrin dragged him down and whispered,"I should not have reacted the way I did."

He did not know what to expect. The infamous spymaster that was Azriel could never anticipate any of Gwyn's actions. She was an enigma, a mystery that constantly evaded him, the light at the end of the tunnel that shied away from him at every twist and turn.

He saw Gwyn take a deep breath from his peripheral vision and steeled himself. He gathered the remnants of his scattered mask, ready to return to just the High Lord's spymaster.

And then Gwyn spoke.

"I... I do not know your story. I do not know the dark tales that define your past. But I know you. And I know that whatever it is... It does not define you. It does not define the male I see standing before me. It cannot define the male who saved my very life, who --" Here her voice caught and she had to stop for a moment.

Azriel's heart clenched painfully. He did not know why but... He wanted to hug her and show her that her past had never defined her. Not for him, not for Nesta or Emerie and he wanted her to know that it shouldn't for herself.

"Who placed that cloak upon me with such gentle hands." She continued softly, gazing down at his scarred palms. And for the first time in a sea of forever, Azriel did not feel the urge to hide his shadow-kissed hands. Those same shadows began to swirl towards Gwyn and she did not flinch.

She only continued staring at him with those eyes that could see through everything. Did he want them to see through him? Yes.

She sees. And she is not afraid. Azriel's shadows basked them in a cocoon of living darkness.

"I refuse to let your past define you. I do not accept that. So fight. Your story... even if it never comes to me, there is nothing it can tell me that I don't already know. You are brave, thoughtful and so, so kind. You and Cassian trusted me to survive and conquer the Rite as you two had trusted Nesta and Emerie. If not then both of you would have stormed in immediately, and no law could have overruled you. So please... Please believe in me like you did. Just this once, if nothing else." Gwyn finished a little breathlessly and he knew she had rushed through the last part because she was nervous.

But somehow the bit that stuck out to him was her thinking he used to believe in her. He did, but used to? He still did. And he wanted her to know that, more than anything. He wanted Gwyn to know that he had never stop believing in her.

And seeing Gwyn's crestfallen face as each second passed and he still remained silently, he knew she was thinking the worst.

He wanted her smile back. His shadows wanted that too.

But more than anything, they both wanted her to sing again. And looking at her dispirited expression, at that moment even his shadows were unsure whether she would find her voice again.

She had spilled her thoughts to him, and he was standing there like an idiot.

Your words, Azriel. Use your words.

His shadows were begging him to say something. Anything, please please please.

As she turned to leave, he finally found his voice. The voice she unknowingly helped him find.

"Gwyn, I'm sorry -- please wait." She paused, hesitating as her eyes met his. Azriel did not know what to say. He was incapable of saying anything but "sorry", that word so pathetic and useless. Sorry was not enough when Rhys was captured by Amarantha. Sorry was not enough when Feyre was forced to sacrifice herself for their -- for his sake. Sorry was not enough when Elain was taken away by the Cauldron in the middle of the night.

Sorry had never been enough and never would be. Azriel was a stupid, foolish idiot.

"Azriel." Gwyn spoke his name softly. He tore himself away from his useless thoughts and looked at her.

She... did not look upset. She did not look angry, nor sad, nor frustrated. Instead, understanding lay in those warm teal eyes.

"I'm not pushing you to share about yourself. You are not obliged to just because I rambled on about my thoughts." Gwyn's eyes were indeed filled with apology and remorse though she had a small smile.

"You will always be my friend. And I will wait for you, even if the day you want to share about yourself never comes. Because I know you will do the same for me."

Somehow, in that moment when even time seemed to have held its breath, when even the Mother seemed to be watching, Azriel felt something in him shifted. In the distant, he could have sworn a phoenix's song filled his veins, a song of smothered flames and shadows.

"Besides, I think the silent, brooding type fits you better than Cassian's I-wrecked-one-tiny-unimportant-useless-building hotheadedness." Gwyn teased.

The distant calling seemed to grow louder, and Azriel could have sworn --

He could have sworn that a faraway glow beckoned him. And his shadows were more restless than ever, nearly tearing away from their master in their excitement.

So when Gwyn grinned at him, he smiled back.

The stars twinkling overhead seemed to beam back too. For the first time in a long while, Azriel felt contented. It was a feeling he had not experienced since... Since solstice. And back then he was with Gwyn, too, he realized abruptly. It was this female before him who had brought him not once, but twice such longed-for peace and quiet.

Gwyn was wrong. It was not his shadows who were beautiful.

It was her.

It was the Valkyrie who had walked beside Death -- and never cowered.

Never feared, never faltered.

Gwyneth Berdara was a secret, lovely beauty.

Sorry for any grammatical errors (or just errors in general) since I’m writing on my own right now. Thanks for reading and stay tune for part 2 <3

Updated comment: Hi guys, so I added a new bit about Azriel’s reaction. I was planning out the whole story so it’s taking a while and I’m sorry about the wait. I’m nearly done with planning things out chapter-by-chapter so part 2 is on its way. Thank you for staying with me 

xoxo

Dawn ~

#gwynriel #gwynriel fanfiction #azriel #gwyn #gwyneth berdara #elain #rhys #acotar #sarah j maas #have a nice night everyone

[forever-rogue]

#6 on prompt list #5 for Frankie please, thank you bye😌

Prompt: “You were supposed to be my friend. That’s all...that’s all I asked of you. To be my friend - to care-”

Did someone order from pain? Angst? Perhaps Fluff? Here ya go!

Frankie x Fem! Reader; no warnings

Frankie Masterlist

»»————-　♡　————-««

You sighed heavily as you sat in front of the television, watching the third - fourth? - mindless movie on Netflix, and while you were tired and felt strung out, your mind was wide awake. Like the frantic beating of a heart and the incessant tick tock of an aging clock your mind went back and forth from point a to w to d to l. 

Every thing, every word, every breath, every emotion was glued in your mind. It was like a recurring nightmare, continually plaguing you, but even that could be relieved by the light of day. This? This never seemed to go away. It haunted your dreams, causing you to wake up in tears and a layer of sweat, but during the day it occupied every part of your mind as well - every waking thought. 

Breaking up with Frankie Morales had been the worst moment of your life.

Except it hadn’t been a breakup...not really, but yeah?

If it wasn’t a real break up, then why did it hurt more than any other actual breakup you had gone through?

But best friend breakups counted, right? Surely, they must have. Or it definitely wouldn’t have hurt this bad. 

Then again, Frankie wasn’t just a  friend...he had never been just a friend. He was always much more than that, except he didn’t know that. And now he never would, because the two of you were no longer speaking.

It had been two weeks, three days, and fourteen hours since your heart had been ripped from your chest and you felt like nothing but a gaping hole was in your chest. It still hurt now just as badly as when your heated words were first exchanged. 

When would it stop hurting? You hoped it would soon. It couldn’t keep hurting like this, right? 

Turning off the television with a huff, you decided to try and get some sleep. It was still early, and night had barely fallen, some faint bits of gold and orange still visible in the distance. Yet, you were exhausted, mentally and physically and hoped that perhaps it would weigh heavily enough on you that sleep would come easily and dream free.

Shuffling back into your bedroom, you stripped off your extra sweater and climbed into bed, pulling the covers tightly around you. There was something comforting about the warmth being wrapped around you, almost as if trying to shield you from the horrors of the outside world.

Closing your eyes, you tried to conjure up your happiest things in order to pull in nothing but good thoughts to occupy your mind.

Unfortunately even that didn’t seem to work - all your happiest memories, in one way or another circled back to Frankie. Even if he was just some background force at work, he was there. It always all seemed to come back to him. 

And somehow, as you drifted off to sleep the happy bits morphed into the last heated moments you exchanged with Frankie.

“I’m doing this for you!”

“You’re being selfish - you don’t care at all!

“Of course I do! I’m your best friend. I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t love you!”

“If you loved me you’d be supporting me, not trying to sabotage my relationship.”

“She doesn’t care about you, Frankie! I know she doesn't. Please just listen to me -”

“You were supposed to be my friend. That’s all...that’s all I asked of you. To be my friend - to care-”

“I do , Francisco, more than you will ever know. I love you and that’s why you need to hear this from me.”

“I think you’re lying to me. You just don’t like her.”

“I would never-!”

“Get out. This is over.”

You startled out of your dream and sat up, breathing heavily, and finding half dried tears on your face. You reached up and wiped them away, resting your face in your hands in order to ground yourself and regain some sort of balance.

But before that could happen - a loud, booming knock came at your door. You almost jumped out of your skin as you pondered what to do. Glancing at your phone you saw it was nearing one in the morning. Against your better judgment, your sleep deprived self hustled out of bed and grabbed your discarded sweater, slipping it on as you walked to the door. 

Without even checking to see who was at the door, you swung it open. As soon as you saw who the late night intruder was, your jaw dropped and almost hit the floor. There was Frankie, drenched in the frigid rain, his eyes glossy and red rimmed almost as though he had been crying. 

“Frankie?” you stepped aside to let him but he shook his head and stood there, wordlessly staring at you. His dark curls were wet and sticking about wildly as his lips trembled - whether from the cold or his emotions, you couldn’t tell, “Frankie, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” it was so soft, so gentle that you almost didn’t hear it. You met his eyes, those damned soft eyes and they conveyed everything that seemed to be stuck in his throat, “I should have listened to you.”

“Frankie, please, it’s pouring rain! Come inside, please,” you reached for his head but he refused to move, “what’s wrong?”

“I know I ruined everything, but I have to tell you this first and foremost. Even if you never speak to me again because of the jerk I was,” he was starting to ramble, but you waited for him to go, offering him a soft, reassuring nod. He took a deep breath and stilled himself before inhaling and exhaling deeply, “I’m in love with you.”

“Just come inside and dry off and  - what?” you reached for his arms but stopped yourself when you realized what he said. You looked back at him and his expression was so nervous, so expectant, and all consuming, “what did you say?”

“I have fucked everything up,” he admitted slowly, “I got mad at you for no reason, and I shouldn’t have pushed you away. And I know you might never forgive me, and I don’t know if I deserve forgiveness, but I had to tell you.”

“You have a girlfriend,” you pointed as he fiercely shook his head, “w-what’s going on?”

“I broke up with her,” he confessed, “right after we...fought. I realized you were right. I talked to her and she admitted that she never loved me - she’d been...cheating. She said it didn’t matter because I was in love with you anyways.”

“Francisco-”

“And she’s right,” he met your eyes and grew nervous as your eyes were wide, but he was unable to read what you were thinking, “it’s always been you. I...I pushed and pushed and pushed you away because I was afraid. I’ve always been afraid of what would happen if I told you,..a life without you is not worth living. And if I had to always keep you as a friend and nothing more, it would have been okay. But now…”

“How long?” you blinked back your own tears as you tried to keep your head and your heart straight and not completely lose your grip. There was no way he was confessing his love for you; if nothing else, you always pictured that it would be the other way around. But here he was, in the pouring rain at your doorstep in the middle of the night, “how long have you known?”

“Ever since that day, when we were in college,” he started, “it was with that chemistry experiment that burned me. You were so upset and mad that I was so careless and hurt myself and you bandaged and cleaned my hand up and then made me rest and take a nap. When I woke up you yelled me at some more and told me to be more careful. It was just a little acid burn, so small and insignificant, but you were so damn mad and upset. I knew since that day.”

“That was fifteen years ago,” you remembered the day so clearly, “all this time?”

“Always,” he admitted as you stood there and watched him. A million things were running through your mind at once, and at the end of it all, you didn’t know how to deal. So you watched him in silence, and eventually he gave you a small nod, along with another mumbled apology before turning to walk away, down the dark driveway to his truck. 

Before he reached the door, you called his name and ran after him, unable to let him go like that. Things weren’t going to just be over with him - not like this. 

“Frankie,” you stopped when you got to him, watching a confused expression cross his features. You were almost instantly soaked, but none of it mattered, not now. You needed to do this for yourself and him, “you hurt me, Frankie. Your words stung.”

“I know,” he agreed, “I told you I was a jerk and don’t deserve forgiveness, but I had to see you one last time.”

“You hurt me,” you said anything, “and it will take a moment to get over because I’ve been thinking of nothing but you for the last two weeks.”

“I don’t-”

“But I’m in love with you, too,” you finally got it off of your chest after all these years. It felt like the weight of the world was off of your shoulders as a gentle moment of quiet, despite the pounding of the rain, fell over the two if you, “have been for a long time too. That’s why I always wanted nothing but the best for you, even if it wasn’t me.”

“You...you love me?” he seemed shy as a bit of color rose into his cheeks, “I don’t know…”

“We've got a lot to talk about,” you informed him, “but right now, I really, really just want you to kiss me. I didn’t come after you in the pouring rain not to have a completely cliche movie moment.”

“M-may I?” he asked gently as you nodded, unable to keep the grin off of your face, “may I kiss you? Finally?”

“Yes,” you breathed out as he kissed. Finally.

It didn’t matter that the both of you were soaked and crying, and it was in the wee hours of the morning. 

The only thing that mattered was this. Everything else could wait for now.

»»————-　♡　————-««

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#frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x you #triple frontier #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #sigh...i love frankie sm