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kayhi808 · 1 year

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Challenge Accepted - Part 8

Billy threw off your morning routine to say the least, so he was sweet enough to drop you off at work so you wouldn't be late. Much nicer than the subway. Last night, you didn't expect to find Billy waiting for you at your apartment. You knew it took a lot for him to open up and tell you about his past and his feelings for you. Bill has few friends, although he is friendly to many. He has that charm to make people feel at ease & the wit to make them feel like a connection has been made. But for him to consider you a friend, he needs to trust you & Bill's trust is worth its weight in gold. It is not given lightly. This was a fresh start for you and Bill.

The morning passed in a whirl wind of activity at the office. By lunch, Billy had flowers delivered to your office. You tried calling him but he was in a meeting. You texted him a picture of the flowers and thanked him. Your heart is giddy and light. Its easy to say that the rest of your afternoon was a wash. You couldn't focus with the beautiful arrangement on your desk. Orchids are your favorite and Billy sent them in a beautiful deep wine color, which are very rare. How did he manage to do that?

By the end of the day, you change to go to Sam's dinner, deciding on a black strapless jumpsuit. Professional yet dressy. Sam Wilson was invited to speak at the convention about his career with the Air Force, his counseling for veterans once he was discharged and now his life as an Avenger. You've been friends for years and with your busy lives, you rarely got to catch up. This weekend was that chance. You take a cab over to the venue and Sam is waiting for you in the lobby.

"My beautiful little frangipani!"

You hug & kiss Sam's cheek, "Don't ever call me that again." He laughs and you both head to the ballroon.

"So, what's going on with you and Hollywood?"

"We're going to see what happens. We had a good talk last night. He wants to give us a try."

"I asked Curtis about him."

"And?"

Sam shrugs. "I hope he doesn't disappoint you."

"I like him, Sam. I want to see if we can make this work. If it doesn't," you shrug, "I tried. He's never bothered to start a relationship with anyone else. He's bound to suck at this, but i want to try."

"Isn't that a red enough flag for you? He's a grown ass man and he hasn't had a committed relationship with anyone."

"Until me." Sam rolls his eyes. "He's got serious trust issues, but I'm patient now that I know what I'm dealing with. I believe he's a good guy."

"For your sake I hope so."

"I'm not marrying him. We're just going to date and see what happens."

*****

The start of the evening goes well. You and Sam make the rounds of the party. He introduces you to his collegues. Many of them are counselors, but quite a few are veterans as well. Some had questions regarding the United Nations volunteer programs so you spoke to them about UNICEF. Dinner is about to start and Sam escorts you to your table as you scan the room, you lock on to a familiar onyx gaze. Bill is a few tables over, a couple of women vying for his attention. You cock an eyebrow at him. He did't say anything about attending the dinner tonight. You hold his gaze as he interrupts the women and makes his way to you. His impish smile, growing as he nears. You touch Sam's arm, "I'll be right back."

You stop in front of Bill, meeting him half-way. He places his hands on your waist & leans down for a kiss, "You look stunning."

You can't stop the blush & smile, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm a major contributor to Curtis' organization & the veteran community. I'm invited." He shrugs it off, looking around the room but leans in, "I didn't think I'd attend until I found out you you'd be here." His gaze lands back on you.

"Are you spying on me?"

"Never, darlin'." You laugh at him.

"Thank you for the orchids. They are beautiful, Billy. You spoil me."

"Come home with me tonight?"

You shake your head, "I don't have clothes. I'm not doing a walk of shame in this outfit."

Offended, "I have NEVER done that to you. I ain't about to start now. You're my girl, I'll get you Anvil stuff to wear."

Realizing he took it more seriously that you intended, you tug on his tie to bring him lower for you to kiss. "I am your girl, " and you smile at him.

He can't help but smile back, "Stay with me tonight." You nod and he grips your waist tighter. "Yea?"

"Um...service is starting." You nod over to your table. He leads you back to your table, guiding you with his hand at the small of your back.

He looks around for Sam, " You're gonna be ok?"

"I'll be fine. He's probably speaking with someone about the program." He squeezes your hand and goes back to his seat.

*****

Sam returns, "Everything ok?"

"Yes, Bill showed up with Curtis. I went over to thank him. He sent me flowers earlier today," you blush.

"Did he come to spy on us?"

"Honestly? Quite possibly, but I'll cut him some slack." Holds up a finger to Sam in warning. "Don't fuck with him." Sam give her a shocked look. "You try to test him & he'll fail. This is new to him."

Dinner runs smoothly & Sam is called up to give his speech & Bill slides in to take Sam's vacated seat. "Billy, what are you doing?" He smiles silently, so you have to introduce him to the table. You introduce him as your boyfriend & there was a microexpression of uncomfortableness that flittered across his face, but he didn't object. He sits with his arm draped across the back of your chair as you listen to Sam's speech. Sam concludes his speech and returns to the table. Bill gets up out of his seat & shakes Sam's hand, congratulating him on a speech well done. He kisses you on the cheek whispering for you to find him when you're ready to leave. You smile & nod as he graciously leaves without any trouble.

Maybe this will actually work out.

@imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @idaofinfinity @e-dubbc11

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo fanfic #billy russo imagine #billy russo x you #billy russo fanfiction

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aclosetfan · 1 year

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I have an oc couple. Zach and Bella is their name and they give off greens energy. Anyway, when they're older, Zach likes to help Bella do her hair like, when he comes in from work. He helps her detangle and braid her hair, and she shows him the products she uses like coconut oil, conditioner, etc. Sometimes he does her hair while she plays the game, or they watch a sport or movie together until he's like "I need to shower and make dinner." So like, I like stuff like this, "tough guys 'pampering' their ladies " trope. I don't think Buttercup would actually trust Butch with her hair lmao, he might cut it too jagged or something. But he probably trusts her enough to cut or shave his head.

Anyways, i'm talking married/college graduate life, where they're probably casually sharing an apartment and developed a "more serious" relationship. I thought about this gesture of Butch clipping her toe nails after massaging her feet. He likes to take care of her and probably offers to help with very "intimate" deeds as an act of love.

Shoving in the blues to say, if anyone is doing their girls hair right, it's Boomer to Bubbles. He's got the parting and styling down.

But for greens I think Butch would enjoy massaging Buttercup's feet. I don't know. What intimate acts can you imagine the greens doing?🙂💚

Aw that’s very sweet! I love little intimate acts between couples. I won’t lie, it’s hard for me to imagine physically intimate acts because physical touch is the last of my love languages, which is so funny because I h/c that the greens are big on physical touch and have to force myself to write it. For me, I stick to the simple holding each other when they watch tv or fall asleep like they're constantly having to touch each other. Like walking down the street, their knuckles keep bumping, but because they're both "tough" (embarrassed) they can't hold each other's hands in public until later on when their relationship is more established. When they're more established, PDA is more acceptable to both of them. Nothing graphic, just holding hands, pecks on the cheek, or causally resting/wrapping arms around each other.

I think it'd be cute if they were also constantly trying to outmuscle each other, which results in multiple piggyback rides or bridal holds. Massages would definitely make sense. I also imagine a lot of bear hugs and slapping each other's asses when they feel like teasing.

I also think of them as the "quality time" couple. Hiking, going to concerts, and just maintaining a very active lifestyle. I had an outline I never got around to where the greens are engaged, but for whatever reason, Buttercup swears she's going to mess the relationship up because OBVIOUSLY there's friction since she's a good guy and he was once a bad guy, and why would he like her and everyone thinks they're going to break up and she can't let that happen and blah blah blah,

so she's always planning intense couple activities to like self-counsel the relationship, which she definitely only read one magazine article about, and as Bubbles watches her neurotically discuss the next 5k the greens will be running together to ensure a strong, healthy, active relationship, Butch is nodding along with a dopey smile because no one's ever given such a damn about him before.

So, yeah! Secret smiles, sly looks, encouraging words, and effort to make things good for both of them. Oh! and I'm also a huge fucking sucker for the two of them patching each other up after a fight, like good shit, 100% all day every day lets gooooooo yessir there's nothing more intimate than hurt/comfort. if that boy isn't hurt in some way and she ain't fixing him back up, then you know I didn't write it lmaooo

Also, it'd be funny if Bubbles actually hated Boomer doing her hair because they both know he’s better at it, and he’s 100% ready to shove it in her face. Like she throws her hair into a messy ponytail, and he’s like “oh, honey, no, please, what is going on here?” He’s HIM’s child, I make him no other way

#ill also kill Butch off A THOUSAND TIMES to see Buttercup cry over his broken battered body because I'm fucking insane #and im open about that #last moments are very intimate #there's probably more #but then i started think about hurt/comfort and got lost in it

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shoptrendthingss · 2 years

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13 Tips for RVing with Children

I don't have a lot of RV experience — luxury villas mykonos and I certainly have no experience RVing with kids. However, this late spring, with many individuals are arranging homegrown get-aways as opposed to voyaging abroad, RV go will be significantly greater than a year ago.

To assist those of you with kids plan an awe-inspiring homegrown excursion, I've asked Karen from The Mother Trotter to share her tips and counsel. She's been going in a RV with her family for very nearly two years and knows precisely how to capitalize on a family RV trip!

RVing with kids is an incredible method for making enduring family recollections. From the fervor of seeing new things to the delight of the basic joys like halting for frozen yogurt or seeing that odd fascination that you coincidentally found, it generally makes life more tomfoolery.

My family and I went on an outing in November of 2019 that acquainted us with the universe of RVing. We leased one from Outdoorsy and set off on a fourteen day experience, visiting each of the five public parks in Utah, state parks and landmarks in Arizona and Nevada, and Joshua Tree Public Park in California. We fell head over heels for RVing after this excursion — and a couple of months from that point onward, we sold our home in California and bought our own personal RV.

This sort of movement requires some thinking ahead, notwithstanding. You can't simply jump into your vehicle and hit the road. You'll have to design, get and remain coordinated, lay out limits and guidelines, and by and large be ready for everything under the sun. While that all could sound overwhelming, it's very like making arrangements for some other excursion in a great deal of ways.

That being said, it won't generally be going great. You'll have unfortunate obstacles — both in a real sense and metaphorically. Be that as it may, it is quite possibly of the best experience you'll get to have as a family.

These tips will assist you with planning for the excursion as best as could really be expected, permitting you to zero in additional on fun and less on barriers.

Track down the Right RV There are such countless various sorts of RVs, from those you can head to those that should be pulled with a truck. On the off chance that you don't possess one, research the size and kind of RV that will match your family's requirements.

While leasing a RV or in any event, getting one, you genuinely should check the number of individuals it that can rest. At the point when we leased our most memorable RV, I was arranging an outing for six individuals — two grown-ups and four youthful ones — so I found one with a bunk room so the children would have adequate room to rest and feel great.

We love to cook, so finding a RV with a respectable estimated kitchen was likewise high on our rundown. It's great to search for one with an extensive lounge room and feasting region too, yet remember that you'll invest heaps of energy outside, so indoor space probably won't make any difference however much you could anticipate.

RVLove has lots of assets for assisting you with looking into what RV is best for you, your family, and your spending plan.

On the off chance that you're not prepared to buy a RV, remember that there are lots of spots that lease RVs as well. You can begin with RVShare for reasonable nearby rentals (it's like Airbnb yet for RVs).

Set Assumptions Setting assumptions for your impending trip is significant. The children need to realize what's generally anticipated of them and all the guidelines, so they have a design while out and about of some kind or another.

Discuss the standards for gadgets, different gadgets, and screen time; who will be answerable for what errands; and how much assist you with expecting with putting up and bringing down your camp. It's likewise critical to make sense of campsite decorum for your youngsters in the event that they've never been exploring nature. With your neighbors so close, making inordinate clamor and going crazy — particularly on others' RV plots — is disapproved of. Everybody in a RV park has a restricted measure of room. Your children must don't spread into an other explorers' area.

Obviously Characterize Individual Space RVing with kids implies tending to and regarding individual space, as RVs are minuscule.

Before your excursion, you ought to examine where every individual will be resting, and accentuate that each individual from the family ought to regard that space when now is the ideal time to fall asleep.

You can likewise set rules about restroom time: most have just a single washroom, so setting up some kind of timetable with the goal that everyone gets equivalent time will help a great deal. Characterizing individual space likewise incorporates telling the kids who will involve the washroom first in quite a while, as well as reminding them to continuously thump prior to entering any space in the RV.

On the off chance that the RV park you are visiting considers tent setting up camp, consider permitting your more established ones, like teens, to set up a shelter outside, as they might appreciate it significantly more.

Get (and Remain) Coordinated With regards to kids, association is key regardless of where you are. This is particularly obvious with regards to RVing.

There's a limited measure of room in a RV, regardless of how huge it is, so it's basic to make spaces for the children to store their toys, books, gadgets, and such. Ensure they realize that their things ought to continuously be returned to those spots when not being used. If not, your space can get jumbled rapidly. Set up a cleaning/cleaning plan with the goal that everybody gets into the propensity for keeping the space coordinated.

One more approach to remaining coordinated is by setting an everyday timetable that children can see and follow, so they know what's in store and when to anticipate it. For instance, having a menu will provide them with a thought of what's for supper and breakfast so they can begin to grasp the daily practice.

RVing is about opportunity and tomfoolery, however amidst everything, whenever the situation allows, adhere to the schedules that you have at home like sleep times, rest times, and eating times.

Set a Cleaning Timetable We as a whole skill rapidly a home can gain out of influence when it's loaded with youngsters. Presently envision that occurrence in a RV. Things can turn sour super quick.

Set up a cleaning plan for both yourself and the children. This is an incredible method for showing them the actual RV while imparting a feeling of support and a solid hard working attitude.

More seasoned kids can and ought to be essential for the customary cleaning process as well. It saves you a few work and shows them the benefit of aiding the family. In the event that they are mature enough, they can assist with things like exhausting the dark water tanks, adding synthetics to the freshwater, and other RV-related upkeep undertakings.

Map Out Your Stops While RVing gives you a specific measure of opportunity, it accompanies provisos. Except if you're going in a change van, even the littlest RV is quite large. So before your outing, research puts that make for advantageous stops for your apparatus.

Truck stops, corner stores, and even Walmart parking garages are incredible spots to stop for a rest, partake in a dinner, top off on gas, and perhaps get any fundamentals that could have gotten lost in the noise during your pressing.

Delineating stops helps a ton. Knowing where you anticipate halting for gas, for food, and to stop for the time being gives you inward feeling of harmony until the end of the excursion. With the fundamentals took care of, you can design in like manner and unwind.

Arranging standard stops for food and gas can likewise help in the event that an issue emerges. Once, we had a punctured tire in a little city on a Friday night and couldn't go anyplace until Monday morning since there wasn't any open tire shop close to us. On the off chance that we had arranged our stop in a more open region, we might have kept away from this present circumstance. (Obviously, not all circumstances like this are avoidable, yet the better you plan the less hiccups you will experience).

This is likewise significant while going as a Dark family since we want to ensure we don't wind up in some unacceptable city at some unacceptable time.

Pick the Right RV Park Perhaps of the main thing about RVing as a family is picking the right RV park. In the event that you're tied in with investing energy in nature, you'll need to pick a state or RV park found near nature, with bunches of trees and climbing trails close by. On the off chance that you'd prefer partake in a really glamping-type insight, pick one with conveniences like a pool, a lethargic stream, a jungle gym, Wi-Fi, and so forth. (One of my child's top picks, in Galveston, Texas, has all of that in addition to a water park and week after week children's exercises.)

We've had the potential chance to encounter the two sorts of RV stops and adored them similarly. Nor is better compared to the next — it simply relies upon what you're searching for. Call ahead to a couple to figure out which are the most ideal to your family size and your movement needs.

GoRVing and RoverPass are an incredible assets for finding RV parks.

Furthermore, here's a rundown of a portion of our #1 family-accommodating parks.

More limited Travel Days are Ideal The excitement of the open street is something that calls to the whole family, yet it could call somewhat more emphatically to the grown-ups. Kids — particularly more youthful youngsters — need time to unwind. Keep in mind, to a youngster, sitting in one put for quite a long time can out and out exhaust.

Make a point to keep head out times to around 5 or 6 hours on the off chance that you have more seasoned ones and just 3 to 4 assuming you have babies. Attempt to go during rest times, as that will help them not become restless about the lengthy drive.

On the off chance that you truly do drive for extended lengths, make a point to have a lot of tidbits and exercises to keep your children occupied. It'll be more straightforward on you as well.

Keep Bites and Finger Food sources Helpful The least demanding method for keeping kids engaged during lengthy drives is to offer them however many snacks as you can. You'll be astounded to figure out that your children will need snacks far beyond ordinary on lengthy excursions.

So bring along prepackaged or locally acquired tidbits and water containers or juice boxes that they can stay close to restrict the enticement for them to get up and luxury villas mykonos meander around the RV while you're cruising down the highway.

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writer-monster · 3 years

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11 reasons why cap 4 should reintroduce Bucky Barnes as the love interest, an essay

to start this off, i am not writing this essay from a shipping place nor do i believe that this would have any influence at all over the upcoming movie. i expect nothing. this is simply something that i would personally like to see. (of course no hate to anybody who thinks differently)

here are 11 reasons why i think making Bucky into Sam Wilson's love interest in Cap 4 would be a good move for Disney.

1. on the Chinese film market - and why it's an irrelevant argument against the inclusion of homosexual themes in Cap 4

the Chinese film market is something that has been blamed for a lack of diversity in Hollywood films a lot lately. many people claim that this market with a lot of buying power has been responsible for the lack of gay and black representation in particular within Hollywood films.

and we have certainly seen Hollywood treating it as such, going so far as to cut gay scenes from movies for their Chinese releases, and vastly minimising John Boyega's (a black actor's) presence in the Chinese poster of Star Wars The Force Awakens.

[image ID: on the left is an image of the American poster for Star Wars The Force Awakens, featuring John Boyega prominently on the right-hand side. And on the right is the Chinese poster for the same movie, in which John Boyega is barely visible.]

so we know at the very least that Disney believes this through their own actions and efforts to self-censor for the different markets.

but Captain America 4 is a black-led movie, don't you forget. and Disney can't minimise Sam Wilson/Anthony Mackie in the movie or the poster because it's his movie and his poster. and no amount of creativity in the editing room can change that (thank God!).

so if by their own argument the film is already going to be either banned, panned or slammed in China... then what do they have to fear from making it a gay movie too?

2. oh, the queerbaiting

queerbaiting is an unusual cultural idea. and sometimes i find myself thinking that the term is far too easily used, but then all of a sudden i will stumble upon a movie or show that is so quintessentially cruel and overt in it's... well... queerbaiting that i will start to wonder what the hell kind of a bizarre relationship all these straight people seem to have with their friends. take Troy and Abed from Community or John and Sherlock from Sherlock as the perfect examples of this. (in which my reaction to the show's creators saying the show wasn't gay was to ask so then why did you make it so gay?!)

i felt that Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in tfatws were getting quite close to this level of queerbaiting.

there was the field scene, the couple's counselling scene, the boat scene, the couple's counselling scene, Bucky going with Sam to face Karli when she told Sam to come alone, the couple's counselling scene, ALL the staring scenes, Sam checking out Bucky's ass here as they said goodbye, the "i would move in with him but" hidden scene, "Uncle Bucky" showing up at the cookout scene, the romantic walking off together into the sunset together ending scene, and the couple's counselling scene. did i forget anything? but i mean seriously, the couple's counselling scene!!! that thing they did with their legs and their crotches while staring deep into each other's eyes, would any straight guy willingly do that? do straight guys crotch-snuggle now?

[image ID: an image of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes during the therapy scene with the quote, "Isn't anybody going to drag me into impromptu couple's therapy and slot my legs firmly between theirs before staring deeply into my eyes?"]

(yeah i stole this image from a buzzfeed article on the fan reactions to the couple's therapy scene. but given that they stole 80% of the content of that article from fandom tumblr, i think it's pretty even-steven.)

there's also the fact that people started talking about bisexual Bucky Barnes a lot after the tiger pictures line, and the lead writer Malcom Spellman responded to the talk of Bucky's bisexuality with "just keep watching". well we watched, Malcolm. but it's beginning to feel like you were just jerking us around.

3. the writing

seriously though, what else is Bucky Barnes doing right now in the MCU? his only remaining connection to anything going on right now is through Sam. there is literally nothing else established that's left for him to do that doesn't involve Sam. he moved to Louisiana to be closer to Sam (canonically), he hangs out with Sam's family (canonically), and Steve is presumably gone and is definitely not coming back for more adventures.

he has no villains or loose ends left. he has no other superheroes that he appears to be in contact with. he has no girlfriend or potential love interest, or even other friends or family. he is living in a tent that he has secretly set up in Sam's backyard and is mysteriously appearing from the bushes when it's time for dinner like a stray cat.

in my opinion there is no other meaningful and pre-established progression for Bucky's character that wouldn't just feel cheap.

plus, i don't think the general audience would be all that surprised if they kissed. i think a LOT of people picked up on all that tension. i think a lot of straight people picked up on all that tension too.

4. the chemistry between the actors & the chemistry between the characters

the original pitch for tfatws was essentially just this, it was the chemistry between Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and their respective MCU characters of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

now obviously Anthony and Sebastian are simply friends, and i wouldn't mean to imply anything more. but they are also not their characters.

Sam and Bucky's scenes together before tfatws were both limited and short, and yet audiences still fell in love with the dynamic between the two characters.

in interviews, these two actors are constantly slipping into character and flirting with each other and frankly it's adorable. plus it's really entertaining. i'd love to see that dynamic, unfiltered, in a movie.

because believe it or not the flirting is actually even more open in their interviews than it was in tfatws. and i'm leaving some links as proof.

this here is known as the "married" compilation

and here's a "lucky dip" selection of interviews - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

and here's Anthony trying to get Seb to take his jacket off.

i'm just saying, why not let their chemistry shine? these two are so talented and so entertaining, especially when you put them in a room together. and can you imagine how absolutely hilarious and brilliant it would be to watch them navigate being a couple?

(and for those who bring up the "friends would be uncomfortable pretending to be dating" argument, i'm not here asking for a sex scene or anything. i don't think anyone would expect them to show any more intimacy (physical or emotional) while playing a couple than what they've already shown together in say... tfatws or in their own interviews. not that i actually expect anything regardless.)

5. if they were a man and a woman they would've gotten together in tfatws

i have no more to add here. just that... yeah, they would've.

6. and i'm not talking about the comics here, i'm talking about the MCU.

i understand fully that none of what i'm saying here falls in line with these characters from the comics. but the mcu itself doesn't fall much in line with the comics either, and these two characters especially are very different from their comics counterparts.

i'm not asking for these two to get together in the comics. tbh i don't think that it would work.

but the mcu Sam and Bucky are different and closer than their comics counterparts. they've got different histories, different backstories, and a very different dynamic. please rest assured that i am only talking about them in the mcu.

7. Bucky Barnes is believably bisexual. and Sam Wilson has never been proven to be straight in the mcu, nor has he had a love interest.

(now please continue to keep in mind that these points only stand for the mcu versions of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, and not at all for their comics counterparts.)

Sam Wilson has never had a love interest, which is crazy because have you seen that man! he has had two blink and you'll miss it moments of verbal expression of attraction to women, both in TWS. and that's the extent of it, through his entire history in the mcu.

Bucky Barnes has had a number of surface-level female love interests, but none of them even came close to the level of connection and chemistry that Bucky shares with Sam.

and i'm sorry SarahBucky fans, but i just don't think there's very much to their relationship either. i love Sarah, i really do. but it's Sam who shares all the meaningful moments and history and chemistry with Bucky. and i don't see what making her into a love interest would do for Sarah's character either, what would that add to her story?

[Picture ID: Bucky at the cookout with Sam, Sarah, Cass and AJ. Bucky and Sam are looking at each other and smiling.]

and also there is the whole tiger pictures thing... again. which does strongly suggest that Bucky is bisexual whether this was intentional on behalf of the writers or not.

8. it's representation... AND it feels natural

marvel hasn't had a lot of queer representation that's been noticeably present in the MCU at the time of writing this.

there have been a lot of failures so far, from the bisexual erasure of Valkyrie in Thor Ragnarok to the wlw erasure in Black Panther.

there was queerbaiting almost identical to the bisexual Bucky baiting for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. when asked if he had considered featuring a gay hero in gotg2, director James Gunn stated that "We might have already done that. I say, watch the movie." after the movie's release audiences were understandably confused about the lack of queer representation. To which the director followed up his comments with, "But we don't really know who's gay and who's not. It could be any of them."

there is also Loki, considered by most fans after the airing of his six episode series on Disney+ to be both a poor attempt at both genderfluid representation and bisexual representation. with both attempts being summed up fairly well by the term "blink-and-you'll-miss-it". (also it's just terribly written and Loki doesn't wear any interesting clothes! fanficcers are a Goddamn blessing in this hard time!)

and let us not forget that Andrew Garfield was apparently FIRED for pushing for a bisexual spiderman. a bisexual spiderman within an interracial mlm relationship no less.

so for all these failures, marvel, why not allow us queer fans this? two brilliant and heroic men in a loving interracial relationship. two heroes that we can look up to.

now, one of the biggest detractions from the argument for representation is the idea of "forced diversity". and some poorly written characters certainly do end up feeling forced into the narrative. take Iceman in the comics for example, with Jean Grey just straight up suddenly telling him he's gay. like, marvel, sweetie, that's not how this works! and i don't know a lot of queer people who thought much of that "representation".

but the crux of the "forced diversity" argument is almost always that it feels unnatural within the story, right? and i don't think that anyone could say that about MCU Sam and Bucky ending up together, given these characters' existing chemistry and their history. they've both played characters in gay relationships before so we know that it's not outside of either actor's wheelhouse. and y'all know that Anthony and Seb can act, people. if it's in the script i believe that they'll make it seem like the most natural thing on earth.

9. it'd be a nice change

there's been an ongoing meme lately about "Disney's first gay character", the joke being that they continually announce gay characters without really ever including gay characters in their films.

this is to the point where Disney has formed a reputation amongst queer audiences of being homophobic.

if Sam and Bucky were to become a couple, then Disney could have its first actual gay character within a gay relationship. AND have him be in the lead of his own movie, no less.

it's also worth keeping in mind that there's likely an overlap between the people who were outraged by a Sam Wilson Captain America, and the people who'd be outraged by a gay Captain America. and if they were already not seeing the film, then i don't think much is gonna change that.

queer audiences would definitely love it, and the media attention would be guaranteed to be huge. i mean, simply look at the amount of media attention mere rumours of a character's queerness gets you and multiply that by a canon confirmation of said rumours.

but i'm pretty sure that Disney already knows this.

10. and yet, in truth, it's not about the representation

in truth i've never felt that i had any trouble relating to characters of any sexual orientation, race, gender, sex, body type, etc. (although that is not to throw any shade at all on people who do wish to see themselves represented) but for me, i think it's more about the story than the packaging.

and yet, a love story is still just a story. straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial. when two characters have chemistry and history and have sacrificed for each other time and time again, and they also can't keep their hands or their eyes off each other, then i'm pretty sure that that's a love story.

straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial, it shouldn't be about these simple labels. it should be about how well written the relationship is. it should be about chemistry, and history, and sacrifice.

because i'm fucking sick of all the hollow, forced romances in media no matter the genders of the participants. i'm sick of lazily written, shallow relationships where any two people sharing the same space for any extended period of time will simply fall in love. it's boring, it's repetitive, and as a writer myself it drives me up the wall!

romance stories suck! and everyone knows that romance stories suck. between twilight, and most of the entire YA genre, and love triangles (so boring), and romance used as poorly-written throwaway subplots in Hollywood movies, the world is in agreement that the romance in western media is simply dreadful. and yet we still want love stories. it's an entire genre that sits at the heart of the human experience (<3), and yet one which so few of today's best known writers seem truly able to capture.

i don't think that i'm the only one who feels this way, either. i suspect it's actually a large part of why fandom is so romance-centred in the first place, that we're all just starving for a good love story.

(btw i think fandom has a reputation for being something that as a whole that it is not. it has this reputation for straight up demanding things and harassing people until they get their way. while unfortunately there are a few people who do this, they're fucking annoying and i swear that they're far from the majority.

in my experience fandom is mostly about writing a five thousand word story at three am while drunk off your ass because it might make someone whom you've never met smile, editing it in the cold light of day, and then posting it. expecting nothing. sometimes getting nothing. and sometimes getting someone send you kudos or a comment so heartbreakingly wonderful that it makes you smile in return.)

11. so once again, it is all about the writing.

i want to see Sam and Bucky get together in the mcu, not because they would be a gay couple but because i genuinely believe that their story has potential to be an amazing love story.

and i know the mcu isn't about the romance. it's why in my personal opinion we haven't gotten a lot of good canon romances besides Peter Quill and Gamora. and i don't think that the mcu should be all about the romance either. i fucking love the action and the fighting scenes. i love the comedy. Captain America: The Winter Soldier had no romance and it was a fucking treasure, it was an amazing spy-action-thriller and it made my little gay heart dance. Thor Ragnarok had no romance, and it was an utterly brilliant comedic spectacle action film. not every movie needs romance.

but mcu Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were doing couple's therapy and fixing a boat and walking off into the sunset together in tfatws. they were inseparable on the battlefield. they've got a dynamic. it's beautiful, it's romantic, and it's gold.

a budding relationship between them in the next movie would be a good way to explore both characters more without the narrative feeling too stilted and separate. at the end of tfatws, both Sam and Bucky fans found that their respective fave felt somewhat underutilised and that their characters were underexplored.

now, that problem would be even more difficult to remedy in a movie, because the plotline of a movie needs to be really tight to work (giggity). and we know that the central conflict of the movie is gonna be action-based (which is good), but we still need each character's personal journey and growth to tie into the main conflict. (which is another issue that some fans found with tfatws, that these characters didn't really feel connected to the action-based plot on a more personal level.)

if Sam and Bucky are already in a relationship, however, this whole dynamic changes. first, their relationship has already been set up for nicely since TWS and through tfatws and they would officially be the best-fleshed-out couple in the mcu. but most importantly, a relationship gives them a perfect vehicle to explore both of their pasts comparatively and connect them personally to the action-based plot.

do you want to establish that Sam is a little too trusting and naïve? then establish this through his relationship with Bucky, and through showing his placing his trust in Bucky. (rather than through having him sympathise with a villain who threatened to murder his sister and his nephews).

perhaps you want to show Bucky recovering from his trauma? show us how comfortable he is with Sam. they get along, they're enjoying each other's presence, we see more of Sam's life and of his family, and then let Bucky tell Sam something that's raw and dark and honest about his life as The Winter Soldier. something about a memory, one that he only just recalled. he's opening up. and maybe what he tells Sam is even something that sets up the future action-based conflict, to ground that in something real.

you want to explore that Sam has trauma too? do this through Bucky. he tells Bucky a story about his time in the military. in the form of a flashback, he shares his own story of loss to evoke before the audience the shared theme of feeling at fault even when you're simply a helpless bystander to an act of pure destruction.

then, action sequence! and it's directly connected to Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier. explore the grief of someone whose life the Winter Soldier tore apart manifesting into a villain perpetuating the cycle of pain. establish your villain.

Later, Sam is dragged into battle against this villain for protecting Bucky. But Bucky doesn't want Sam to protect him. He feels guilt for what he can't control and he doesn't want Sam getting hurt because of him. Bucky reminds Sam that he has a family, one who needs him and who loves him. He tells him to go home.

Sam reminds Bucky that he's a part of that family. And that sure Sam's a hero and his job is to protect anyone and everyone, but that he's doing it because he wants to. It's not simply to prove that he can, or to prove that he's not a bystander (this connects to Sam's trauma here), but that he's doing it to help people.

and this gets Bucky thinking about who he is and what he's doing here. is he a hero who stands by Sam's side? or is he an ordinary man who stands aside? or perhaps, does he stand alone? what does he stand for? Maybe Sam knows. But does Bucky?

Sam and Bucky fight off the villain again, and for the first time Bucky meets this adversary face to face. And Bucky recognises this villain, and has a flashback to the genuine pain that he inflicted upon them in the form of the Winter Soldier. Bucky freezes mid-fight, he almost dies, and Sam has to save him.

Sam chews Bucky out for almost getting killed because he was afraid for him. but Bucky takes this the wrong way and goes off to fight the villain alone, or perhaps to die alone, he's not quite sure.

He puts up a half-hearted fight. He apologises for what the Winter Soldier has done, and he waits for the killing blow, when Sam swoops down and he saves him. He asks Sam why he saved him and Sam calls him a moron. And then, Sam asks him what sacrificing himself would solve. He tells him that you can't choose your past but you can choose your future (connecting to his own experience of loss and guilt and grief). And that no matter what Bucky Barnes still has a future, whether that's as the Winter Soldier or the White Wolf or just some dork with a day job. And that he has a future as a part of Sam's family too.

Sam fights the villain, and it's toe to toe. He delivers a few good blows, but receives a fair few himself. And then the villain tears off his wings, first one and then the other, in a manner reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier did to him in TWS. Through Bucky's eyes there's a flashback to highlight the parallels. Sam gets back on his feet and he fights his best fight, but is now losing.

And then the heavily injured Bucky steps up and fights by Sam's side, and only together do they take down the villain.

"So... I inspired you, huh?" Sam teases with a smile, utterly exhausted. "With my heroism and-"

"You inspired me." Bucky said, equally exhausted. "Let's leave it at that."

Together, Sam and Bucky go back to the safety and warmth of their family. Sam fixes his wings. Sam goes back to being Captain America. And Bucky... he's around, but it's unclear what he's doing.

That is, until the very end. When Sam is in a fight, and suddenly Bucky shows up and helps him out.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"I've made up my mind." Bucky says. "I'm the Winter Soldier. But now I'll save lives, Sam. Now, like you, I'll be a hero."

Sam smirks. "So does this make you my sidekick, then?"

Bucky smiles. "C'mon, at least make me a partner." He says.

"How about co-workers." Sam says (in flashback, he remembers back to the death of his last on-the-job partner).

"How about friends." Bucky says, with a wry look.

"Bucky... I don't want to see you put your dumbass self in danger." Sam says.

"Oh, and it's ok for you to go running off into danger on your own all the time?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Sam says stubbornly. "Absolutely it is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?!"

"Sam, if you think I'm not gonna be watching your back for the rest of time... then you're the biggest dumbass I know. And I don't care if you need me or not, I will be there for you."

"Because Sam, you're more than Captain America. You're more than a good soldier. You're a good man. And I think sometimes, the world forgets what the difference is."

...or something like that.

(i only spent like 15 minutes on that. you know if i were actually writing this movie i would come up with something much better. and if anyone from marvel is seeing this, yes i can come work for you. i will make the time, let's do this thing right!)

finale

at the end of the day, whether or not the mcu chooses to make Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes a couple, it's their decision. and they don't owe me anything.

i'm just some random person on the internet. who thinks that Captain America 4 should #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend #meta #analysis #captain america 4 #caatws #fatws #tfatws #captain america #cap 4 #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #marvel #mcu #mcu phase 4

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ladydeznutz · 3 years

Text

When He Loved Me (Peter Parker x Reader)

A/N: My first fic and it's angst that came into my head around 3am. I've always wanted to write fics, but I didn't like how I wrote and I was embarrassed. First time writing for others so I tried to keep away from using just she/her pronouns, but if that's what you'd like just lemme know

I can write for other fandoms, and imma make a list of the fandoms I like bc I have so many I forget. I'll also add some other things if it interests me. Not comfortable with nsfw just yet so apologies. Anyways, enjoy the fic ig and please give me criticism if you see something wrong

idk how tumblr works with spacing and all that so hopefully this comes decent looking

Prompt: Please, don't leave me.

TW: S**cide mention

Every day had started to feel the same to you for a while now.

It started when he began missing date nights with you. He was always so excited about them, and then they were happening less and less often. You still saw him on occasion, but it felt more like "business" than anything else.

You didn't get the same giddy feeling you used to get when you'd see him; it felt like going out with him was more of a chore. You couldn't even complain to him about it even if you wanted to. Anytime you did see him long enough, he was always gone within a second, always in a rush. You never knew what he even did with himself or if he was thinking about you at all.

It definitely didn't help that you'd always catch him hanging out with his friends. You confronted Ned about it, but he was always so dismissive. Hell, you had even talked to Michelle about the whole thing. At first, she sympathized, but then it was as if a switch was flipped. You used to go to her to vent about Peter and the relationship. Now, she was practically telling you that you were overreacting.

----

You felt like you were going to have a mental breakdown.

Learning about a loved one's passing is always one of the hardest things for anyone to deal with, especially when it's someone you deeply care about.

You had just received the news that your best friend had killed himself a couple of hours ago.

You didn't know how to feel.

You couldn't wrap your head around it. There was no warning.

You and he had been friends since childhood, and you knew each other so well that neither one of you could even remember a time when the other wasn't around.

Your hands shook as you picked up the phone to call Peter. Your tears finally fell as you listened to the constant ringing of the phone, and you knew he wasn't going to answer. Rage grew within you as you heard his voicemail message causing you to throw your phone across the room. It crashed into the wall and broke, but you didn't pay any mind to it as you fell to the ground and let out a wailed sob.

Why did this have to happen?

You could barely catch your breath between sobs.

Your body shook.

You didn't care about anything anymore.

You didn't care about Peter anymore.

----

Weeks had passed, and Peter was exhausted.

Tracking down a gang, taking them down, and meeting another Spider-Man had just been a lot for him to take in. He was so tired, he didn't even want to think about it anymore. His back ached as he climbed through his window.

He was just so damned tired.

He stripped out of his suit, took off his web-shooters, and placed them back in his closet. Then, he took a quick shower.

His job was a bit easier to have Ned and MJ know he was Spider-Man. Now he just had to tell you.

Peter stood in the middle of the room and weighed out what would happen. He felt sorry for lying to you, and he knew that he was being distant. He just didn't have the courage to deal with any of it because he was worried about you. He couldn't lose you too.

As Peter lied down to finally get some rest, he wondered how you were doing. Karen had said you tried calling him, but he couldn't answer he had been in the middle of a stakeout.

He got up and rummaged through his book bag to get his phone, turning it on to scroll through his messages. He sat up as he realized how many he had gotten. Had something happened?

As he scrolled through, his heart broke. So many people had posted about the loss of Jay and were gossiping about why he did it. When he finally went through them all, he looked at your one missed call and gulped.

You had called him that day, and he didn't pick up.

He clicked the voice mail and listened to the message. All that he could hear were your pained sniffles, a shout, and then the line cut off.

He felt sick as he replayed the message.

Peter already felt awful about lying to you; he had to fix this. He quickly texted you, put his web-shooters back on, and was ut the window.

He knew the way to your house, so it took him no time to et there. As he was getting ready to knock on your window, he did a double-take and took a closer look.

Someone was sitting in your room; it looked like he had been waiting for you. Peter quirked an eyebrow as he looked at the guy. He was wearing a red and green jacket with shorts and sneakers. He also looked like he was wearing tights?

Suddenly, you walked into the room, so Peter backed away from the window to hide in the shadows. You seemed to be upset as you were wiping your eyes quite a bit.

"I'm sorry Miles. I didn't think I'd start crying like that," you said as you sat on your bed.

"Hey, it's okay," he replied as he stood up and moved closer to you. You sniffled as you tried to regain your composure. Peter didn't quite know how to react. Who was this? What was going on?

"I just...he..." you groan out in frustration as you grip your hair. Miles' eyes widen as he sees tears start flowing from your eyes again.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asks as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. You shrug as you shake your head.

"It's complicated, and besides, that's what our therapy's for" you chuckle dryly. Miles' eyes wander the room as he tries to think of something to do to cheer you up. "How 'bout we go out tonight?" he suggests.

"I don't like the tone of that voice" you sass as you turn to give him a look. Peter watches Miles turn around, and his eyes widen. Miles was wearing a suit, a Spider-Man suit. The same Spider-Man he saw the other week.

"Any place you wanna go to, we'll go" he adds with a cheeky smile. "Really? You're not busy?" You cross your arms as you stare him down.

"Nah, night's been quiet. Besides, I might be busy tomorrow, then you'd miss your favorite person in the world" he winks as you begin to smile. Peter's heart sank as he realized what was happening. He thwipped a web to the building across from yours and sat down on the edge of the roof. Pulling out his phone, he sent you a text.

Can we talk tomorrow?

Giggling could be heard from across the street. Peter looked up and bit his lip as you glanced at your phone and threw it on your bed. You got onto Miles' back, and you both swung away.

----

After you tried calling Peter that day, you stopped reaching out to him altogether. You decided that you'd wait to talk to him until he finally realized you weren't there. It had been about five weeks, and in those five weeks, you had gone to therapy and counseling.

You met Miles in counseling. He was sweet but seemed to get off topic a lot. When you were getting ready to leave one session, he had come up to you, put his hand on your shoulder, and let out a simple "Hey." One thing led to another, and you had both bonded over your losses. You went to Miles' uncle's funeral, and he went to Jay's funeral with you.

You were currently sitting on a swing at the playground as you waited for Peter. It was taking him forever to show, and at this point, you wanted to get this whole conversation over with.

Frowning, you looked around, wondering why he was taking so long. He should've been here by now. Maybe he decided not to come after all.

When that thought crossed your mind, you scoffed and stood up. Before you could go anywhere, however, you felt someone gently grab your hand. Looking back, you saw Peter staring at you with a small smile on his face.

"You came."

"Of course I did"

Peter pulls you towards him and wraps his arms around you. You take a deep breath as you stare off towards the slide. He pulls away when he realizes you're not hugging him back. The both of you pull away awkwardly as you look at each other.

"Peter-" "(Y/N)-" both of you speak at the same time.

"I- I have o tell you something" he starts with a stutter. You wait patiently as you motion for him to continue. "I know th-that I've been....not here for you for a while-" he cuts himself off when he hears you scoff.

"I.....I had these things, and I should've told you as soon as we started dating, and I'm sorry. I know I've been an asshole, more than that actually" you roll your eyes and shake your head as he continues.

"I just.....I love you, and I want you to know that even though I don't show it a lot" he finishes as he rubs the back of his head nervously.

The good thing about coming to this park was that there was usually no one here, and you were glad no one was here right now because boy were you fuming. "Told me about what Parker?" Your hand goes to your hip as you glare at him.

"W-Well....uhm......that guy that you talk to.......I'm like him I guess. Spider-Man." Your eyes widen when you hear the first part. "How the hell do you know I've been talking to someone?"

Peter stumbles with his words as he realizes he's been caught red-handed, "Uh...I was gonna visit yesterday, and I kinda....saw you..talking to him....." You narrow your eyes as you pick up a stick and throw it at him. He ducked before he could get hit, but you were already in his face.

"You were spying on me?!"

"I-I wasn't trying to! I was just-"

"Christ Peter!" All this time of you not being here, and now all of a sudden you just wanna show up out of nowhere because of what?! Jay?! Is that why you're finally talking to me?!" Panic stirs in Peter's eyes as he tries to come up with an excuse.

"I tried so hard to get you to talk to me, and you only wanna talk now because of that shit?! Peter, I can't do this shit with you anymore. I don't care if you're Spider-Man; what was the point of not telling me in the first place?! We live in New York for God's sake!!"

Your face is red as you frustratingly wipe away your tears with your forearm. Peter stays silent as he watches you; he can't say anything right now because you've hit the nail on the head.

"Y-You know what, fuck this. I can't do this shit any-anymore, Peter. But please tel-tell me; w-what did I do wrong? I di-did my best to keep both of us h-h-happy. Please, just tell me what I did wr-wrong." Your words are barely recognizable as you hold yourself to keep you're shaking body still.

Peter steps forward, but instead of stopping him like he thought you would, he cups your face gently as he looks into your eyes.

"(Y/N).....I'm so sorry I made you think this was all your fault. You did make me happy; you still do. I just...I've been so busy being Spider-man that I've neglected you, and I'm sorry for that. But I do still love you, (Y/N). I swear I'll stop doing everything just for you. I-I'll give up being Spider-Man."

You watch him unravel as he keeps talking. You can't bring yourself to care, however, as he spills his heart out. Too much disappointment has built up over the months.

"Pete...."

"Please......(Y/N), just give me another chance. I'll do anything, just please, don't leave me." His voice is soft and insecure as he begs you, almost quivering as he says it. It doesn't invoke any sort of feeling in you though. His sad eyes watch as you pull away from him,

"I'm sorry Peter" you whisper softly as you turn around and walk away.

He doesn't run after you or even shout.

Peter simply watches you walk away until you're out of view. The only thing he can hear is your footsteps as they fade into the distance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Alright so...this whole thing was based on how I could see him being Spider-Man in the beginning ig? Imo I feel like between him and Miles, the latter would be the first to tell you he's Spider-Man

And I always felt like him being away like that with no real reason would make an s/o feel like it's their fault or sumn. Like, I've always seen fics where he and the reader always make up about it, but I wanted to try the bad ending where even though he had good intentions, he's just not ready to handle being a hero, student, and partner.

#peter parker oneshot #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #miles morales #miles morales x reader #marvel mcu #marvel imagine #marvel one shot #peter parker imagine

116 notes · View notes

bumblesimagines · 3 years

Text

Green Thumb

Part 8

Request: Yes or No

Sam and y/n had more development than y/n and Wanda lmao

You crossed your arms as you entered the room, glancing at the older man. You shared a look with Sam and Wanda, taking a seat in between Sam and Vision. You licked your lips, leaning towards Sam.

"What's this about?" You asked quietly, gaze flickering to Tony who sat in a corner.

"If I had to guess.. Probably about what happened in Lagos." Sam replied, glancing at Steve and Natasha. You frowned, looking at the Secretary of State.

"The world owes the Avengers an unpayable debt." He began, gaze sweeping over everyone in the room.

"You have.. Fought for us, protected us, risked your lives but while a great many people see you as heroes, there are some who would prefer the term 'vigilantes.'"

"And what word would you use, Mr. Secretary?" Natasha asked, studying the older man. You looked back at Tony Stark, making brief eye contact with him. It felt like an intervention. Or a teacher scolding their class after they made the sub cry.

"How about dangerous?" You frowned, looking forward when you heard his words.

"What would you call a group of US based enhanced individuals who routinely ignore borders and inflict their will wherever they choose and who, quite frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?" Mr. Secretary asked, looking over the small group in disappointed. You'd hate to admit it, but he had a point. The citizens of Sokovia were left to find new homes and the people of Lagos had to fix what had been destroyed. Mr. Secretary stepped to the side, looking at the screen. Videos began playing of all the times the Avengers caused destruction and most likely death. Wanda looked away, growing uncomfortable as the aftermath of the Lagos incident played. She already felt guilty enough about it. She had told you many times how she wished it would've gone differently. Steve noticed, frown deepening.

"That's enough." He called, watching the screen turn off.

"For the last few years, you've operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That's a decision the governments of the world can no longer tolerate." Mr. Secretary told them, hands clasped behind his back. You frowned, brows furrowing slightly.

"But we have a solution." Mr. Secretary took a book from his bodyguard, stepping forward and handing it to Wanda. Wanda picked it up, looking it over.

"The Sokovia Accords.. Approved by a hundred and seventeen countries." Wanda slid the book over to Rhodes so he could take a proper look at it. You looked at Mr. Secretary as he walked around the table.

"It states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they'll operate under the supervision of The United Nations Panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary."

"That's such bullshit." You whispered. Mr. Secretary turned towards you, cocking a brow. Natasha let an amused smile slip while Sam covered up his snicker with a cough.

"The Avengers were created to make the world a safer place." Steve spoke up before he could address you.

"This is the middle ground." Mr. Secretary said, walking to the front again and facing everyone.

"The Accords will be ratified in a couple days." Steve turned towards Tony, earning a silent response.

"I'll leave you to discuss."

"And if we come to a decision you don't like?" Leave it to Natasha to say what was on everyones' minds. Mr. Secretary paused as he approached the door.

"Then you retire." He answered plainly. You watched him leave, picking up the cup of water infront of You You went to take a sip but it turned to ice before you could drink from it. With a small huff, you placed it down.

"That's new." Natasha called with a small smile, hoping to ease the tension in the room. You stood up, leaving the meeting room and heading to the lounge. The others followed, taking more comfortable seats on the couch. A debate quickly started between Rhodes and Sam while Steve looked through the Accords.

"Have you two thought about starting a debate club?" You asked, tapping the frozen water a few times before it finally turned back to normal water. Natasha let out a small snort, chuckling as she shook her head.

"I have an equation." Vision announced, stopping Rhodes and Sam. They turned towards him.

"In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man, the number of enhanced people has grown and during the same period, the number of world ending events has risen."

"So, it's Starks' fault?" You asked, leaning back in your seat with a tilted head. Tony scoffed from his spot on the couch, rolling his eyes.

"I'm saying, there might be a causality. Our very strength invites challenge, challenge insights conflict, and conflict... Breeds catastrophe. Oversight is not an idea that should be dismissed."

"I wish I understood half of what you said." You muttered softly, running your finger the leaf of a plant beside the seat. Natasha turned towards Tony, watching him.

"You're being uncharacteristic non-hyper verbal." Natasha pointed out softly as he looked at her with a deep sigh. Steve looked up from the Accords.

"It's cause he already made up his mind." Steve said, earning a small eye roll. Tony slowly sat up, rubbing the back of his head.

"Actually, I'm nursing a headache." He muttered as he stood up, walking towards the coffee machine. He poured himself some coffee and grabbed a bottle of pills before sighing and placing down a device. He showed an image of a young man.

"Oh, that's Charles Spencer, by the way. A great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA, had a floor level gig for the fall. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the people in Sokovia." Tony said, obviously agitated as he looked over everyone. You wondered why he now cared for the people who were injured during attacks.

"He wanted to make a difference although we'll never know cause we dropped a building on him while kicking ass." Everyone stayed silent as he spoke. You watched him take a pill, drinking it with the coffee.

"There's no decision making here. We need to be put in check. Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, we're no better than the bad guys."

"Tony, when someone dies on your watch, you don't give up." Steve closed the Accords, looking at Tony with a frown.

"Who says we're giving up?"

"We are by not taking responsibilities for our actions. This document shifts the blame." Steve voiced his opinion, shrugging lightly.

"Steve, that is dangerously arrogant." Rhodes spoke up, shaking his head. Steve turned towards him.

"This is the United Nations we're talking about. It's not the world security counsel, it's not S.H.I.E.L.D, it's not HYDRA-"

"But it's run by people with agendas and agendas change." Steve pointed out as you rubbed your forehead, sighing softly. Both sides had good points but you sided with Steve. The team was obviously divided.

"What do you think, (Y/N)?" Vision asked, looking at you curiously. You licked your lips, gaze focusing on Tony.

"I'm curious as to why you care so much about this Charles guy. You've had, what was it? Eight years as Iron Man to care about the people who get hurt? Why now? Cause you realized one of those people could become the new you? Would you care this much about Charles if he had been a typical guy? No degree, no plans for the future, just a normal guy working a normal 9 to 5 job and just trying to make it through the week. I agree with Steve. What if something happens and they don't send us to help because it doesn't go with their agenda? People get hurt cause you've never set up a system to help after these things happen. You're a fucking billionaire, Tony. Make a company that's designed to help people get back on their feet after the Avengers bulldoze through cities." You said, legs crossing as you looked over everyone else. Steve gave a small nod, glad you were seeing his side. He checked his phone, abruptly standing and announcing he had to leave. You and the others watched him go in confusion.

"To answer your questions, I do care about normal people." Tony said, arms crossing. You let out a soft groan, leaning back in the couch.

"I'm sorry, what are you? Twelve? Didn't you turn twenty this year?" Tony cocked a brow, watching as you rolled your eyes and stood.

"Yeah, I did turn twenty. Surprised you knew considering you've never particularly liked me."

"Well, first impressions are everything and you did try impaling me with a branch."

"Maybe I should've."

"Alright, boys, let's calm down." Natasha called, placing a hand on your shoulder. You turned and walked towards the steps, heading down to your room at the facility. You entered and plopped down on the bed, running a hand through your hair. You tapped your foot on the ground, fingers going to the root bracelets in an attempt to relax. Wanda opened the door, closing it behind her and sitting beside you.

"What's wrong?" She asked softly, staring at you in concern. You weren't one to snap at others so quickly.

"There's so much going on. The Accords, my fucking powers, the sudden change in Nat and Tony, you possibly getting into trouble cause of the Lagos incident.. That could've been me." You breathed out. Wanda frowned, brows furrowing.

"No, it wouldn't have."

"I shot fire out of my hands and turned water to ice without meaning to. They're getting unpredictable." You looked at her, grip on the roots tightening. Wanda's gaze flickered to the window, making you turn. Part of the window was covered in a thin layer of ice.

"And that just proved my point."

"You're an incredible person, (N/N). Have faith in yourself. You'll gain control of them sooner or later. You have beautiful powers that could change and heal the world." Wanda pointed out gently, having you rest your head on her shoulder. She softly began to hum a lullaby. You didn't understand the words but her soft voice proved to be soothing.

"Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Why'd you call me again?" You asked, toying with the strings of your hoodie as you looked around the cafe. You had planned on taking a nap and watching a new show on Netflix but it seemed like Steve had other plans for you.

"Because I trust you and need your help." Steve replied, fixing his baseball cap as he tried avoiding eye contact with civilians.

"Really?" You asked softly. Steve nodded, offering a smile. He licked his lips, nodding to the tv. You turned, looking at the news. You really didn't have to considering what they were showing was right down the street.

"Your friend?" You looked back at Steve with a tilted head.

"We gotta find him before anyone else does." Steve said. You nodded, watching him. Steve had been desperately trying to find his friend, Bucky, since the attempt on Furys' life.

"I'll go in alone. We don't want to seem threatening or set him off by going in as a trio."

"(Y/N)? Being threatening? He can't even scare a baby!" Sam said in amusement, shooting you a playful grin.

"Right back at you, bird boy."

"I'm sorry, who here is named after the top bird of prey?" Sam asked, leaning forward slightly as Steve let out an amused sigh.

"Oh, I didn't know you were named after eagles." You responded, smiling in triumph when Sam huffed lightly.

"Come on, you two." Steve chuckled, leaving the cafe and heading down the sidewalk.

"I don't trust Stark." You told them, arms crossing. Sam glanced at you as Steve turned into an alleyway.

"Not surprised considering the little fight you two had."

"I think he had Vis keep an eye on me and Wanda. I snuck out while he was with Wanda in the kitchen." You told him, frowning.

"Firstly, I'm an adult-"

"That's questionable."

"-And secondly, he's not my dad." You took off the hoodie as Steve unlocked a car parked in the alleyway, giving Sam the duffle bag with his outfit. You looked at your phone when it buzzed, seeing texts from Clint.

Clint

Heard you had a fight with Stark

Clint

You're officially an Avenger now

You smiled softly, chuckling softly at the texts. You waited for the guys to finish changing before taking the earpiece from Steve. The apartment building had been nearby so you and Sam headed onto the roof while Steve entered.

"How well do you think this will go?" You asked Sam, looking for any sign of law enforcement.

"Wanna bet?"

"How much?" You looked at him, giving a small grin. Sam looked up at the sky for a moment, thinking it over.

"30 bucks. I bet this will go to shit and this dude will escape."

"I bet we'll get into serious shit but this dude will either come with us or get caught." You replied. Sam stuck out his hand, nodding. You shook it, chuckling softly. You turned your head, noticing movement.

"We've got company, Cap."

"They're approaching from the south." Sam added, attention focused on them. You heard Steve begin to talk to someone, watching the cars pull in and get ready. You turned your head, hearing the door to the roof open.

"Shit." You whispered, letting Sam pick you up and lift you into the air. You could hear the fight going on inside through the earpiece.

"Should we help?" You asked, glancing up at Sam.

"No clue." Sam replied, watching Bucky jump from the apartment onto the roof of another building. You noticed someone running at a high speed, jumping up onto the roof and knocking Bucky down.

"They have cat ears." You mumbled, pushing Sam's arms away.

"Deal with them." You motioned to the German police force on the roof, hoping down onto the roof. You raised your hand, a root shooting out and grabbing the strangers arm, refraining them from clawing at Bucky. Bucky turned his head, making eye contact with you. Your eyes widened when the man grabbed the root, using what felt like super strength to toss you off the roof. You quickly used a root to grab onto the side, breathing out a sigh of relief. Sam took care of a helicopter before flying by to grab you.

"Thanks." You breathed out, holding onto him as he followed the chase. Steve, Bucky, and the cat guy went into one of the tunnels. Sam flew in once there was an opening, trying to help Steve with the cat guy. You huffed when the cat guy grabbed Sam's ankle, pointing your hand at him and shooting a strong gust of air. The cat guy lost his grip monetarily but quickly grabbed on again. Bucky threw up an explosive so Sam quickly stopped, flinging the guy off him. Sam landed, walking past the rubble. You sighed, raising your hands as you and Sam were quickly surrounded by cops.

"Mom's gonna kill me." You whispered.

"That's what you're concerned about?" Sam asked, glancing at you in disbelief.

"We're getting arrested, (Y/N)!"

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haechanokeh · 3 years

Text

[teaser] [ Chapter 1 ] [ Chapter 2 ] [ Chapter 3 ] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9]

pairing: popular college! mark x average! reader

genre: romance, smut, angst, series.

warning (general): corruption, oral sex (both receiving and giving), cream pie, rough sex, mention of religion, rough sex, self-esteem, public sex, sub! reader, sex toys. possessive mark two-faced mark, psychology

you cried your eyes out, face shoved in your pillow and muffling your sobs. you didn't who told you those words, it was mark but he's not the same guy you fell in love with and the guy you said yes with today. your phone was ringing nonstop so you have to turn it off but mark was too eager so he's now in front of your house banging and shouting your name begging you to open the door and talk to him.

what he told you was possible, that they didn't care for you and you have to admit that it stings but his words are not responsible for your vulnerability right now, it was the unknown mark. you didn't like him just because he's kind, it was just one out of the nth god knows the reason why you love him. he made you so special, he was right that he's the only person who cared about you in your class but the unfamiliar mark you saw a couple of hours ago was scary. it gave you goosebumps, you were frightened it's as if anytime he will hurt you.

you heard a hard stomp inside your room and you quickly sat up and surprisingly it was mark inside your room who entered the room through your open window.

"fuck, y/n." he ran into you and pulled you up into his arms. "I'm so sorry, this will never happen again." he whispered and caressed your hair. "i will not let lucas and my friends break us, shhh i am truly sorry. you only need me, so don't worry."

your body froze in shock and your heart beating so fast. he's not sorry.

"what..." you whispered in disbelief, you can't understand why he can't understand that he's wrong as well.

"we're okay now right? let's just forget everything, y/n... hmmm?" he looked at your face and looked into your eyes but he saw nothing but unpleasant. he felt rage rushing in his whole system. "what do you want! i already apologize!" he squeezed your jaw.

you were shaking in fear as his loud voice boomed in your room. his nose was flaring, his eyes were dripped with spite, and his chest where heaving. he's so mad at you and you're scared and confused.

that's when you realize, there's something wrong with him.

"m-mark, you're hurting me." you sobbed. mark snapped out of his senses. he quickly removed his hands from you and embraced you.

"I'm sorry." he sincerely said and kissed your cheeks and shove his face against it. "I'm so sorry, please don't leave me." he kept on apologizing non-stop. his hands were trembling you could feel it as he was clutching your arms.

"mark? mark?" you panicked. "mark? are you okay?" your fear from him vanished and changed into a concern to him. this is not normal.

you tried to get away from his arms but he's not budging, you stopped wriggling when you heard him whimper.

"don't leave me, can't. i really can't, i will lose myself." he begged like he's close to hopelessness. you gently pushed him to look at his face. your heart was stabbed when you saw how vulnerable he looked.

"mark..." you voice broke, you really don't know what to say because this is your first time to see him like this.

this is why mark never pursues someone or something he likes, he became possessive in fear that it will slip away from him, like his friends' admiration and respects towards him, the trust from his parents, and how they look at him as the perfect son, the people's respect on him because of his kindness and intellect, and his high grades- all of these are his goals and obsession but you're different. he can confidently allow these to get away from him in exchange of not losing you. you become his obsession. mark is aware that he has a problem but doesn't want to admit it and keep on insisting that this is part of his life... when it is not. everything about it is not normal, because when he faces rejection he felt anguish, loss, stress, and anger. there was a point where he tried to consider hurting and taking his life but he was taught that this is a grave sin and again, he felt disappointed that he is thinking of doing a grave sin which added made it worse to his anxiety. 3 years ago, he talked to his psychologist professor and was diagnosed with depression and attachment disorganized anxiety. he only attends one counseling session because he couldn't accept that there's something wrong with him and if people will find out about this he will lose all the respect.

ask him. you were pushing yourself to speak what's wrong? do you have a problem? you want to ask him but you became voiceless.

"mark, i want you to be honest to me okay?" your voice was shaking trying to control it from whimpering and tears rolling on your cheeks. "are you going through... something? do you want to talk about it?"

mark was spacing out while looking into your eyes but inside his head, it was in extreme chaos. he's having a second thoughts on telling that he has anxiety.

"mark, i love you so much but i need to understand you first so i know what to do and to make sure that you're receiving it. can you trust me?" you were convincing him and mark can see it through your eyes.

he gave up.

"i'm a mess." he broke down. mark's voice cracked and tears falling filled with hopelessness. you couldn't bare to see him like this so you pulled him into a passionate but slow kiss which he gladly responds.

you made him sit on your bed and straddle his hips, your hands were on both sides of his face and his hands were on the bed to support his body and your body. both of you where muffling your sobs.

"i was diagnosed depression and disorganized attachment anxiety" he confessed. you have no idea what is disorganized attachment anxiety, but you just understand that he has anxiety and depression, which was shocking.

mark lee, loved by everyone and religious boy have depression? that's when you realize, depression has no favoritism.

"how? you're..."

"when i was a kid, my parents are busy but i felt love every time they praise me and follow their lessons. i needed their praise and validation and i adopted it and became like... that and brought it until i grow up and to school. i never wanted to feel their disappointment and i never wanted to lose the respect of my parents, professors, and classmates but when i met you..." your eyes were locking with him. "you're the only thing i need and for the first time i never cared of losing it i thought i changed but i was wrong, nothing changed. i was just too possessive and obsess of you and when you told me you want to leave me..." his voice broke once again.

"it's going to be the end of me. it's been a long time since i felt rejected and i don't know what to do." he weeps and you felt weak.

mark has been your emotional support with fragile heart, you felt useless. instead of apologizing, you said the 3 words he always and shamelessly tells you.

"i love you." you pecked his lips. "i love you." your kissed it again and repeatedly do it while allowing the tears to fall.

he needs assurance that he is genuinely loved, which he is.

"mark, you are you still going to a psychiatrist?" making sure that he's managing it very well, but he shook his head. he needs help, someone who's more reliable. you hope that the next statement you will tell him will not take it as a bad thing. you rub his cheeks.

"you need to, aren't we pharmacists? aren't we push people to comply and adhere?" you smiled sadly.

"what will they think? my parents will be disappointed and sad at me, they will blame it to themselves, i know them y/n. and the people around me, they will think that i am fragile." you could see how frustrated he was.

"i thought you don't care about them anymore? i thought what matters is me? and what i think is that i love you and will love you more regardless of seeing one." you want to tell him that one day if you will do something wrong he might hurt himself or the people around him but you don't know if it's the right thing to say. this is why he needs to talk to a professional and you also need one because you can talk to them on what is the right thing to do to help mark and support him.

"if i do this you will never leave me?" you felt bad, now mark is now losing trust on you.

"if you do that, i am always right there with you." you kissed his forehead.

"and if i don't?"

"and if you don't..." you rest your forehead against his. "i am always with you."

you stared at each other for a long time sharing tons of emotion and you didn't know when it happened but both of you can't keep your hands to yourself. you're hovering over him touching him everywhere and his hands are all over your back.

you're grinding yourself hard on his pants, both of you panting but your lips never got separated, instead, it gets deeper. you pulled the hem of his pants and boxer. you pushed aside you shorts and sunk down to his length.

"fuck, that was hot." mark coulnd't help but blurt that out. you started to bounce, hands gripping his shoulders. he squeezed your breast underneath your shirt when suddenly the door clicked opened along with a women's gasp.

both of your heads turned towards the door's direction. it was your mom wearing his office uniform, holding a bowl with jaw-dropping in surprise. mark panicked, and so do you. you pulled mark's head and pulled it towards your breast, you want to gatekeep him.

"mom!" you shouted.

"i-i'm sorry I thought you look so down.. ohh..." you actually don't know what she just realized but she's nodding her head like now i get it "you have--"

"mom, get out!" she quickly closed the door.

"just so you know i will be here at 8, but if you want i can come here by 9! you can continue-"

"mom!" she made you feel embarrassed.

"my daughter has a boyfriend! finally!" she squealed as if the pigs finally learned how to fly. your mom thought this day wouldn't come but good lord your mom saw mark's face and at that moment she knew she needs mark's gene in her family tree.

"as much i loved your breast, i love to look at your face more." mark said. you release his head.

"my mom is just like that I'm sorry." you heard your mom honked. mark grinned and you gave him an apologetic look. "are you still in the mood?"

"i'm afraid i'm not anymore." mark chuckled. there's so much going on inside him plus he was slightly concerned what your mom thought of him. your mom caught him making with you but she seemed cool though but it was awkward.

"me too." deep down your blaming your mom.

you went back to class, you can't let mark skip[ another class again. you have to be a good influence. it was awkward but everyone already knows that you're dating, there's no reason to hide it and might just embrace it. mark apologized to the whole class, he didn't tell them his condition but he told them that he's going through something. even though mark still thinks that they are just using him, though at first that's how you perceived them but that really changed, for you it was a genuine friendship, they were so forgiving and i hope one day mark will accept that friendship.

since them, things went good though not perfect. his parents blamed themselves but you told them that that's the reason why mark didn't want to tell it to them, instead of continuing blaming themselves, they will give them all the love and support. mark never missed a session and you never missed going with him also.

and for the first time, you went to their church and the pastor is mark's father. you thought it was going to be like a normal day but...

"mark..." you sighed when he increased the intensity of the vibrator that he slipped while his father preaching. the front seats were occupied while you and mark are the only ones seating at the back.

you're squeezing and rubbing your thighs together, you felt so hot and wet. you badly want to moan, but that will be hard because you felt like once you moan, it will never stop.

"are you calling me love?" mark innocently asked you, he was saying that while putting the vibrator on max. you mouth opened while looking at mark's eyes. mark kept his smile while watching your orgasm face. he's doing unholy inside but worth it. he off the vibrator.

unfortunately all you can hear mark's father but can't understand it. you're still in ecstasy.

"my friends and family, it's not about finding the right person, it is becoming the right person, and if both partners think this way even the wrong shadows will be lighted by understanding. it's like saying i am the right person for the right person. tell this to your partner."

"i am the right person for the right person." mark whispered into your ears.

"hmm? what?" you weakly said. your eyes still closed. mark just chuckled and kissed your forehead.

"nothing." then put the vibrator to max.

"mark!" you screamed and everyone turned their heads towards you. you blood went down to your feet and nervously smile. "i- love your son sir..." you embarrassingly confessed. mark was trying to suppress his laugh while the people around you awed.

"and that's an example of my preach today."

you glared at mark, he just grinned and kiss your love.

"i love you too." he said.

"i want to smack you in the head." you angrily said. he just laughed.

this is going to be the last chapter. sorry for waiting to much, BUT there's a BONUS chapter there's no story on that just pure 🥵

✨if you want to be added in I’m Right For You Tag List, you can DM or Ask me so i can add you ✨

Tag List: @jenotation @babylion-mork @cloudykeiji @jjikyuu @sunshinedhyuck @wassup-haeyadwae @mrklyy @resceluwu @jenonctcity @wanlore @watermelonlovermark @erisxczenie @marksquare @lalaname

#mark lee angst #mark lee smut #nct mark #mark lee #nct 127 smut #nct dream smut

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amporella · 2 years

Note

k2 k2 k2 for that ultimate ship ask thing!!!

YES... you know me so well... ty for the ask <3

Who was the one to propose:

I have an excessively long answer to this one because I have many thoughts on this!! Imo Kenny has some commitment issues as an adult - not infidelity based or anything like that, but having been parentified since a young age and having felt the need to make family (Karen especially) his top priority, he's probably afraid of being tied down, because there's SO much he feels the need to catch up on.. So I can see him considering marriage totally over the line - a long term relationship that actually uses that word is probably intense enough for him! But Kyle DOES want to get married, which inevitably leads to some conflict. Kenny thinks Kyle's on the same page as him because Kyle once mentioned wanting to wait until he's finished grad school to get married (wrong, turns out he wants it now), so he just doesn't get the hint at all when Kyle keeps trying to casually drop it into conversation. Kyle eventually realizes that being subtle and emotionally stunted isn't going to work, and he lets it spill (probably while tipsy lmao) that he would like to get married NOW PLEASE. Following Kenny getting counseled about marriage not being the end of the world/necessarily a significant relationship changer (and instead just being something that matters a lot to Kyle), he comes to realize that marriage actually is something that he wants, or it's at least a way to make Kyle happy (which he definitely does want), and he goes ring shopping at the same time Kyle's starting to take matters into his own hands. So, in conclusion, it's really a toss up as to who proposes; both of them are trying to do it, and they probably end up as one of those couples that plan on doing it at the exact same time 🥺 It's very tender.

I'm putting all the rest of the questions under a read more because this is already long:

Who stressed more over wedding planning:

Definitely Kyle. He has such a vision in his mind for how he wants it to be that he gets himself super unnecessarily stressed out. Fortunately Kenny's very good at calming him down <3

Who decorated the house:

Both of them! Kyle was probably mostly responsible for the planning aspect, color picking, etc (he's very particular about that kind of stuff) but Kenny definitely got a say too.

Who does the cooking:

I don't think either of them are particularly good at it at first - they probably live off of takeout throughout college (cue freshman fifteen) but eventually come to realize that their fast metabolisms aren't going to hold up for much longer, and they need to start cooking and eating healthy food eventually. They cook together/swap off when they're older - Kenny's better at more 'basic' meals/meals that you would usually have for dinner, while Kyle's a lot better at a few specific gourmet meals. They work together :)

Who is more organized:

Kyle! He's very particular about how he wants things organized, and Kenny is a little bit of a slob but he knows how important it is to Kyle, so he at least keeps things semi-neat. Kyle does not take organization/cleanliness lightly, and he ends up whipping Kenny into shape lmao.

Who suggested kids first:

Also Kyle. He probably ruminates on it alone for a little while because he doesn't expect that Kenny would want kids (and when he's younger, he doesn't), but it turns out Kenny actually LOVES the idea of having a kid with him. They probably end up only having one (at least until Kyle gets baby fever again, lmao). They both have very strong fraternal instincts, so they make excellent parents. Kyle attends all the PTA meetings. Kenny waves around 'go (kids name)' signs at their soccer games.

Who’s the cuddler:

Both of them <3. Kyle's probably a little physically clingier in general (and when Kenny initiates cuddles they probably rarely remain that way), but they'd both get a lot of satisfaction out of snuggles.

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon:

They switch, but Kyle's probably the little spoon a little more often than not. They're more prone to sleeping on each other's chests than spooning <3

What’s their favorite non-s/xual activity:

They're binge watchers. Extremely prone to just devoting a whole weekend to binging whatever soap opera (kenny's choice) or true crime show (kyle's choice) is on at the moment. They also go on runs together!

Who comes home dr/nk at 3am:

Either neither of them or they come home together!

Who kills the spiders:

Kenny's pet rats, probably. Kyle hates cleaning up spider guts, and while he doesn't love Kenny's rats either, he'd rather just feed them to them so he doesn't have to squish them.

Who falls asleep first:

Kyle. Kenny's a little bit of an insomniac, so Kenny just spends a little while petting his hair until he falls asleep too <3

A head canon:

Kyle doesn't tend to use pet names very often (maybe sweetheart/love in rare situations), and Kenny's favorite to call Kyle is 'baby'. Kyle loves baby. #1 way to calm him down.

Do they have any “rituals”?

Kenny cuts Kyle's hair every two weeks <3 it's very tender. They do it on Fridays to wind down from the week.

Who has the most patience?

Definitely Kenny. I don't think this needs to be further elaborated on!

#south park #kyle broflovski #kenny mccormick #sp k2 #omg this was fun #i'll get to the other two asks soon!!

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blueskiestarot · 3 years

Text

Hey, y'all! I hope everyone had a good weekend! So, this is a Pick A Pile reading. I haven't done these types of readings a whole lot but I thought I would try something new. Just choose what pile you feel drawn to. You can even pick more than one pile if you feel called to do so. Then, just scroll down for your pile! Let me know if you all like these types of readings or if you like the readings based on astrological sign better or if you have any suggestions of readings you would like to see from me. Thank you! I hope you enjoy your reading and please feel free to leave some feedback of what you thought of your pile and if it resonated with you!

Love, Tara

Welcome, Pile 1! You all chose the pile with what I believe is the Agate. You may have been drawn to this pile because you need to release some blockages in your life. The Agate is a very grounding stone and it helps balance your energy while connecting you to the Earth's energy. It has a very gentle, soothing nature. So, maybe you are in need of some gentle guidance and that is why you picked this pile!

Let's start with the Fool Reversed. This card can be seen in two ways. You may be holding yourself back by being too cautious or you may not be focusing on the right things and you are heading down a path that is not for your highest good. So, now is the time to stop and take a breather. Just take a moment to pause and look around at where you are right now. Is this the path that you truly want to be on and is it the best for you? Is this what will lead to true happiness in the future? The Fool is all about taking chances and choosing the path that feels joyous and happy. Don't allow yourself to be led down a path that does not feel right for you.

The next card I pulled for you is the Queen of Pentacles Reversed. So, right now, I think that you have a very "all work and no play" sort of attitude. You are very focused on working hard and making money. You don't really put your focus into much else. You may feel that by staying focused on your work life will help you feel successful but honestly, I feel like it's a coping mechanism and a way to feel safe and secure. Focusing on your work life keeps your mind busy and keeps it from straying to things that feel a little less safe. You may also be choosing careers that feel safe and secure instead of choosing a career that you really love. So, it's time to really reassess your priorities and remember that the universe will give you both passion and security as long as you don't doubt yourself and your ability to succeed.

Lastly, the 7 of Cups is about choosing what the next move will be. This is a card of choices. So, there is a very important choice coming to you within the next couple of weeks. I'm really getting career vibes from this pile but it could be something else as well. I just feel like some of you may be getting a career opportunities or multiple opportunities soon that you will have to choose from. It's important to figure out what choice is best for you. Make sure that you are focusing on what will make you the happiest. You don't want to be stuck with something that does not allow you to grow and evolve. Don't choose something that will make you miserable. Instead, focus on joy and passion when you make this choice.

Well, that concludes your pile! I hope you found this advice to be helpful. Please let me know what you thought of your pile and if this guidance resonated with you. Also, if you have any suggestions for future Pick A Pile readings, let me know!

Love, Tara

Pile number 2, you all chose the Rhodochrosite crystal! This is a crystal of unconditional love. This crystal connects to the heart chakra. So, you may have a blockage in your heart chakra or you may be having some difficulties with love, self-love, or relationships in your life and that is why you picked this pile.

So, I will start this off by saying that I do see someone new coming into your life. However, I don't think they are someone you expect or someone that is your "type". I just feel like this person is very different from anyone you have been interested in the past and you may feel like you never thought you would be interested in a person like this. I feel like with the Hierophant Reversed and the 4 of Pentacles, you are a kind of traditional and conservative person, especially in terms of relationships. You like to stick to the tried and true types of relationships. You have a very traditional view on relationships and there's nothing wrong with that. However, I do think that the universe and your spirit guides are trying to get you to be open to new things and new ways of thinking. Relationships are supposed to help us grow and evolve into the best possible version of ourselves. By sticking to the same type of person and the same type of relationships, you are never going to get that growth and healing that comes from a truly healthy relationship.

So, just prepare yourself for someone to enter your life that will challenge everything you have ever believed about love! While it may sound kind of scary, I think it's a very good thing. Rest assured that this is someone who is very committed to you and very loyal. However, I think they may challenge you to step forward and take the lead in the relationship sometimes. They will help you be more vocal about your wants and needs instead of just always trying to please others because they are so opinionated and they will challenge you to stand up to them when you want something. In return, you will help them be more compassionate and calm when it comes to helping other people. I'm getting a lot of Aries or Aquarius energy from this person.

Overall, I think this will be a very positive, healthy relationship once it gets going. They may just make you very nervous and unsure at first. So, just give it time and don't dismiss them too quickly because they aren't your usual type. I hope that guidance is helpful! Please let me know if this resonated with you and if you have any suggestions for future Pick A Pile topics.

Love, Tara

Pile 3, you chose my favorite crystal of all time, Larimar! So, this is a very soothing and calming stone. It is a crystal that soothes anxious minds and calms your soul. It helps you relax and find serenity. So, you may have chosen this pile if you have been worrying a lot lately and feeling very anxious.

The 9 of Swords Reversed does reflect those anxious thoughts. While you do still have anxiety and worries that you are dealing with, I feel that you have made a lot of progress lately in terms of coping. I feel that some of you have started therapy or counseling lately. For others, you may have started to talk to someone close to you like a friend or family member about these worries and that has helped you deal with and release them. Whatever it may be that you have been doing to help cope with these anxious thoughts, know that your spirit guides are right beside you cheering you on. I don't know why but I get the urge to tell you how proud your guides are. You have come such a long way and they have been by your side through it all. They see how strong you have become and you've done it all by yourself. All this progress you have made is because of your own strength and perseverance and that is something you should always take credit for. You are truly stronger than you realize and they don't want you to forget that.

The Devil Reversed suggests that you have let go of a lot of negative forces and toxic ties in your life. You have become aware of what causes negativity and what is causing your anxiety to become worse. With this knowledge, you have allowed yourself to let go of things that are not in your highest good and because of this, you are in a much better place now. While you still have things that you are dealing with and things that you are working on in regard to your mental health, you should take a second to stop and be proud of how far you have come. The Star suggests that it is safe for you to hope and dream. I feel that you are so close to achieving something that you have been hoping for or dreaming of. So, keep fighting and don't lose hope. Be proud of how far you have come and how much work that you have put into coping with your struggles. You are strong and you can handle anything life throws your way.

I really hope that you found this guidance helpful! Let me know if this pile resonated for you and if you have any suggestions for future Pick A Pile readings.

Love, Tara

For people who chose Pile 4, you chose the Ocean Jasper!

For people who chose Pile 4, you chose the Ocean Jasper! Ocean Jasper is a very supportive crystal. It helps you find peace after a particularly trying period in your life. So, if you have been going through some obstacles and challenges a lot lately, this is most definitely the pile for you and hopefully the following guidance will help you as you move forward.

So, for this pile, I'm getting two different messages - a love message and a career message. We'll start with the love message and then move on to the career message. Feel free to read both or just read the message you feel you need the most right now.

Love: For those who are experiencing a lot of obstacles in the love life right now, you are being urged to not give up on love just yet. I feel like a lot of you are close to giving up. You have been through relationship after relationship and they just haven't worked out. These could have been a series of f*ckboys or it could have been relationships that just didn't work out for whatever reason. Whatever the case may be, I do feel that you have been feeling very down about your love life and wondering if there is someone out there for you. Rest assured that there is!

I feel like you have recently come out of a difficult relationship or connection. Your spirit guides want you to know that this is the last difficult connection you will go through before you meet the person that is meant for you. Know that your person is right around the corner and you just needed one more challenge to teach you something valuable about yourself before you were ready to meet them. So, keep your head up and don't give up yet! They are coming. It's just a little bit longer. I feel that they are coming in quick. They will most likely come into your life when you least expect it or in a way that you don't expect. I just get an element of surprise here, like you won't see them coming. I feel that they are very passionate and outgoing. I definitely think they will be the one to make the first move and they won't be shy about letting you know that they are interested in you.

Career: For those who are starting to lose hope in their career, I do feel that you are right on the verge of an awesome opportunity. This is most likely a shot at your dream job or an opportunity to do something that you didn't expect but will end up absolutely loving. A lot of you have been on a rollercoaster lately when it comes to your career. It's been a lot of ups and downs and you have started to feel a little weary and tired of the drama, disappointment, and the setbacks. Know that all of that is coming to an end. You are coming out of a very challenging period and going into a much smoother, much more positive energy in your career. Your spirit guides want you to stay strong and persevere. You are so close to manifesting your dream opportunity. Keep focused on your passions, your goals, and what makes you feel happy and inspired. That will lead you on your correct path. Don't let the obstacles and the setbacks get you down. You are so close to the finish line, don't give up yet!

I truly hope that you can find some peace in this guidance and that this advice can help you as you move forward. Please let me know if this pile resonated with you and if you have any ideas for future Pick A Pile readings.

Love, Tara

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roselen-mylady · 3 years

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In Another Life

Bucky Barnes x reader °part fourteen°

Summary: Waiting 88 years to find your soulmate? It was cruel. But it was a cruel fate Bucky would have to face whether he accepted it or not. Bucky was a tortured man all his life and he wasn't even granted the solace of having his soulmate at his side. All he had was the promise of one in another life. They were separated by two different times.

But the pain in their lives were connected.

Y/n had been alone ever since she could remember. All she could depend on was the soulmate that was destined to be at her side. Yet when the snap occured she lost him.

And Bucky never got to meet her.

"It's called Recover and Enable with Stark Technologies: Opportunity, Revival and Excellence. Or uh, RESTORE for short." Tony explained, the hologram capturing what they all knew to be one of his last days. "Damn, now that I say it aloud, it's a bit pretentious but we'll get used to it." He chuckled, still a little proud of his abbreviation.

"It's a resources company really. Offers financial help to families affected by the snap along with structure and aid to businesses, cooperations, hell even the government. They've always had their heads up their asses though." Y/n listened carefully, her heart stinging a bit more than usual. Maybe it was from watching yet another message from her idol and lost friend.

"It comes along with therapy and counseling. Really it's supposed to help piece the world back together. You should feel right at home. It was that aspect that told me you'd be perfect for the job. I'm sure I can help you with the other parts of the job. Or uh, Pepper will. I was never any good at running a business that was always her thing." Tony smiled fondly, the hologram's eyes seeming to stare straight into Pepper's.

Y/n could tell Pepper was fighting tears. It only made her own guilt grow.

Why did Tony have to die? It wasn't a fair question. Not to her. She should've done more, should've given her life to let him live the rest of his. To see his daughter grow up. To let Pepper finally have peace.

But what if she had? Would Bucky had even known she was his soulmate? Would he have found her body in the rumble, her shattered arm and scarred skin barely visible from the damage of the stones she should've been destroyed by. Would he have had to find out his soulmate had lost the war from her stopped countdown? Would he have had to piece together how close they were to meeting? Would he recover from that?

"We need to start soon," Pepper spoke suddenly, hastily wiping her face as she stood. Y/n watched wide eyed and silent as Pepper paced over to a man she'd learned to be Happy, quietly requesting he watch Morgan. Y/n stood, quickly moving to follow the woman.

She understood what Pepper was doing. She was avoiding the pain, putting all her effort and focus into anything but the death of her husband. Hundreds of people did it after the first snap and she couldn't say she blamed them. But it was different this time. There was no way she could've prevented the first snap, no way she could've saved all of those lives that were now returned.

But the last snap was within arms reach of her. She was capable of stopping it, sparing the last victim of the snap. But she failed.

Maybe Pepper had the right idea. This guilt was overwhelming.

"Tony set up some meetings with other corporations for Monday. I'd like you to be there with me." Pepper told her, her heels rhythmically clicking down the steps as Y/n followed carefully.

"Monday? Doesn't this seem a little rushed? I mean, I don't even know what I'm doing. Shouldn't I have some kind of lessons?" Y/n objected, her brow creasing warily.

"You'll learn through experience." Pepper replied. It was too much, too overwhelming. Y/n had just lost two friends, another left her and she'd met her soulmate. Now they wanted her to run a company that the world would eventually depend on?

How would she even begin?

In an effort to take a breath, she looked away from Pepper, her eyes trailing to the lake. It was peaceful, much more peaceful than Y/n had felt in days-years if she was being honest.

She hoped that after everything that had happened, she could just go back to being normal or as normal as someone like her could be. She didn't care about the hero's life and she didn't want to be Iron Star for any longer than she had to. But as she looked around at the others, she realized that was becoming less and less of a possibility. They looked at her as if she were next.

They seemed to know she was going to be one of them just by looking at her. But why? Because Tony took a chance on her? Because they were so similar? Or was it something else, something she hadn't seen yet?

Suddenly the calm ripples in the water were disturbed with a large splash, sending the area into chaos. A rock had broken the surface of the lake, sinking in the next second. It happened so quick and so subtly that she wasn't sure it'd even happened. The water calmed once more and the rock was lost to the bottom of the lake.

Once finding the source of the rock, her breath hitched.

He was there at the lakeside, pacing with one hand in his pocket while the other rubbed his neck. His head was downcast and he looked stressed, just as stressed as she was. That's when she realized.

He'd just met his soulmate too. After what she guessed to be almost 90 years. Nearly a century without his soulmate. He was just as nervous and overwhelmed. But it didn't mean he wasn't dying to talk to her. She could feel it, his eagerness. The way his heart ached to speak to her again even if only a few words. She wondered if he could feel her own longing.

"I need to do something. I'll be right back." Y/n excused herself, trying to be as polite as she could. She knew Pepper wanted to carry out her husband's last wish as soon as possible but they both knew he wouldn't have meant it like this. Didn't mean to leave them alone to handle it.

Pepper nodded, releasing a sigh. Everything was beginning to weigh down on her and she knew forcing more onto her shoulders wasn't gonna work this time. "Just call me tomorrow, okay?"

"I will." Y/n assured, looking back to Bucky. Pepper's expression had softened a bit following Y/n's gaze.

She remembered the first time she'd met Tony. At first he was adamant about their relationship, refusing to let her forget they were soulmates. But after what happened in Afghanistan he stopped his teasing. He stopped addressing it altogether. The trauma was too much.

Tony wasn't the same and things changed. But she liked to think it was for the better. He was a better man but he stopped seeing himself as worthy of a soulmate. He forgot what soulmates were for and it crushed Pepper.

She refused to let Y/n feel the same.

"Just meet me at Stark Industries on Monday. Have this time with him." Pepper told Y/n, motioning her head toward Bucky.

Y/n nodded softly, working up the courage to make her way to him. "Thank you."

•••

"What did that poor rock do to you?" Bucky froze at her question, whipping around to face her. She offered a soft smile, trying to break the awkwardness before it became too strong.

Bucky let out an airy laugh, looking back at the lake where he'd just thrown the rock. "Looked at me funny." He replied jokingly, turning back to her. She moved carefully toward him, coming to stand at his side a couple feet away.

He wished she would stand closer, close enough for him to put his arm around her. Close enough for him to hold her tight and never let her go. But he'd respect the distance. He'd give her space.

There was a buzz in the air as she stood there next to him, as if everything was falling into place. It felt like the atmosphere had shifted, that the stars had aligned. After all these years without her, he finally had her.

And all he could muster was, 'looked at me funny'?

"Must've been some look." Y/n replied with an amused smirk.

The silence was overwhelming but welcomed. Of course both wanted to fill it with anything and everything they could say but neither were ready for that. They each had their secrets, their pasts. They were at a conflicting crossroads.

"It's strange. I've waited my whole life to tell you everything but now I don't have anything to say." Y/n let out a strained laugh, looking down at her sling. She wanted so badly to see her countdown, to finally confirm to herself that she had him and that he wasn't going anywhere. But her countdown couldn't promise that. Only fate could keep him at her side and so far fate hadn't been kind.

"Me too." Bucky mumbled, cringing at how awkward he believed to be making things.

'Say something.' His mind cursed at him. 'Say anything.'

"You're really beautiful." He spoke suddenly, his face flushing at how stupid he sounded. He meant it of course. She was stunning despite the cuts and bruises along her features. Gorgeous even with the dirt and dried blood that traced her hairline. Enchanting regardless of the sling that obstructed her movement. She was beautiful.

But saying it aloud after only speaking a few words to one another made him feel silly. So long ago he'd call complete strangers beautiful without a second thought. But was that right with his soulmate? Were there certain things he should do? A way to act?

All his worries faded away with her smile, such a glorious thing he couldn't wait to see everyday for the rest of his life. If she would have him.

"Thank you, Bucky." His name slipped off her lips so naturally it was as if she'd been saying it all her life. And maybe she had. Fate worked in mysterious ways and his mother was a firm believer that soulmates always found one another. In this life or another. He'd never believed it but now he had. They'd found each other, despite time and despite space. They were bound to one another and he could feel that Y/n knew it too.

"I have a place in the city. It's where I was heading before...you know. Not that meeting you was an inconvenience, I honestly never thought I would. Not that I didn't want to, I dreamt of it...-I'm rambling now." She sighed. How had she managed to make it even more awkward?

"It's okay." Bucky assured, unable to stop his smile from growing.

"What I was trying to say is I'd like you to stay with me, if you want. It might be a little bit more comfortable than whatever lodging Fury is getting for you all. I have a spare room." She offered, her heart heavy with the idea of Steve being gone. He'd chosen the life he wanted. Unfortunately she wasn't a part of it.

"I'd like that." Bucky nodded, his heart swelling at the suggestion. Not only was it one of the few kind acts he'd experienced since escaping HYDRA, it was also an invitation from his soulmate into her life.

He wouldn't squander the opportunity.

"Great." Y/n smiled, releasing the breath she'd been holding upon his answer. A part of her had been scared of rejection. But she guessed things with soulmates were different. They were easier. Maybe it was the assurance that they were the right match or maybe it was just the overall feeling of belonging that came with the other's presence.

Soulmates were easy.

At least she thought.

•••

When they arrived at Y/n's apartment, she was grateful she had cleaned up before everything that had happened. She'd never brought a man home before, let alone her soulmate and she wasn't sure what to say or do. The only person that she'd even brought to her apartment was Steve and by then their conversation flowed as easily as breathing.

"You have a nice place, very um, modern?" He offered, not knowing what to say himself. It'd been so many years since he'd even talked to a woman and he wasn't even sure he knew how to flirt anymore.

"Thank you." Y/n replied quietly, glancing around the apartment as if trying to see it through his eyes. She remembered Steve mentioning the lack of photos once when he first started to live there. Did Bucky think it was weird?

"Can I get you something to drink? Water, coffee, wine…?" She trailed off. Bucky looked at her, taking notice of her own nerves.

"Water is fine." He answered, smiling at her softly in any attempt to soothe her.

It seemed to work as she smiled back at him, turning toward the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Make yourself comfortable. You can watch TV if you'd like." Y/n called to him, taking a moment after pouring the glass to lean against the counter and sigh, hiding away from the source of her anxiety.

She'd always wanted to meet him. She had wanted to have him in her life from the moment she'd heard about soulmates. But what she never expected was how awkward it would be. She'd always been told that soulmates clicked instantly but they hadn't quite clicked yet. And she could tell Bucky felt it too.

Perhaps it was everything they'd been through? Maybe it'd changed them both enough to where clicking was harder? Or maybe they'd never click.

Her heart dropped at this, sending a surge of pain through her chest. Would she even be able to live with herself if they never clicked? She'd lost everyone, would she lose her soulmate too?

Suddenly a booming voice echoed from the living room, frightening her out of her daze. Quickly grabbing the glass, she dashed into the living room, plucking the remote from the wide eyed Bucky. Hastily, she muted it letting out a panicked sigh as the reporter continued on with his story silently.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't be sorry, really. Trust me that's not the first time I've had to rescue a 100 year old vet from my TV. It just seems to know who to attack." She nervously laughed, setting down the remote. The tense air seemed to relax at that and Bucky found himself chuckling along with her.

The accident, though startling at first, made her feel more at ease. It was something familiar and for the first time since their meeting, there was no awkward feeling between them.

"Here," Y/n handed the glass to him with a shaking hand, trying not to let him see how much had spilled out onto her hand when she rushed into the living room.

Bucky accepted it from her, his fingers lingering on hers for just a moment before retracting.

He could feel her but not like his hand used to. The metal digits no longer felt warmth or pain or tenderness. He could feel when something touched him but all the things that made touch special were stolen along with his real appendage. He wished he'd reached out with his other arm, that he could feel the softness of her skin, the warmth.

"I-I'm not sure how this goes. I rehearsed this a thousand times when I first got my countdown but things are so much more different than I expected. My parents always raised me on the false ideal that we'd meet somewhere cliche like a coffee shop or something." She shook her head, immediately regretting her words the moment they left her mouth.

"I don't really know either. Honestly, I never thought I'd meet you." He sighed, his heart aching with the decades he'd lived believing that he'd die before meeting her. But now she was here and he was ruining it.

Y/n frowned with him, racking her brain for anyway to save their less than perfect first day. "Maybe we should start over." She suggested, putting out her free hand to him.

"Hi. I'm Dr. Y/n L/n." She introduced, deciding there couldn't be harm in starting over. Their meeting was emotional and overwhelming and after all it was just awkward. But Y/n didn't want to remember it that way and neither did Bucky.

As she had hoped, he smiled, putting his own hand into hers and shaking it gently. "Sergeant James Barnes. But everyone calls me Bucky." He replied, his smile growing as she looked at him, her eyes conveying all the warmth she was too scared to admit.

"It's very nice to meet you, Bucky." Y/n smiled, studying the way he looked at her and trying not to let herself blush.

"It's an honor to meet you, Y/n."

•••

The rest of the evening continued this way, an occasional small bount of awkwardness along with some silence before another conversation arised. It was just like getting to know a stranger and while it wasn't what she had anticipated when she thought of meeting her soulmate, it still made her happier than she had ever been.

"So, I started to climb up the fire escape because I definitely wasn't going to wait outside in the snow storm for Steve to rescue me." Y/n explained matter-of-factly, earning a small chuckle from Bucky.

"Of course." He replied shortly, already picturing the woman before him beginning her journey up the fire escape.

"Turns out Steve was already home but he was in the shower. He got out right as I made it to the window and he nearly threw me several stories because he thought I was a burglar. He was so mad, he called me crazy about a hundred times before finally letting me in." Bucky laughed at her retelling, watching the glimmer in her eyes as she relived it.

"Like he's one to judge. When we were younger he'd lose his key all the time, had to start hiding one under a brick at his ma's apartment." Bucky told her, his heart aching slightly as he thought of the last time he'd had to help Steve. His mother had just passed and Bucky was pleading with Steve to stay with him. But Steve was independent, always had been.

"He wanted to change the locks when he found out I lost my key, which I mean, is a fair request but realistically there are about 3 million apartments in the city and the chances of someone finding this one was impossible. Also when you add Captain America into the mix, the chances of your apartment being robbed are quite slim." She explained. She still hadn't changed the locks now that she thought about it and Steve was gone.

And besides she'd survived before Steve. But it didn't make her miss him any less.

"You can never be too careful." Bucky replied, shrugging softly.

"I suppose." Y/n mumbled, looking down at the coffee table where her feet were resting. It always drove Steve crazy but it never stopped her. Yet now she almost felt compelled to do so. Some way to respect his wishes. "What was he like? Who was Steve before the serum and everything?" She asked, slowly dropping her feet from the table.

The question stunned Bucky, leaving him speechless for a few short moments. Several words popped to his mind to describe Steve but they were all things he knew Y/n would already have witnessed.

"He was selfless and brave. And stupid. So stupid. Never knew when to sit a fight out." Bucky chuckled fondly, though it faded just as fast as it had come. "He fought for me when I was on the run from HYDRA. He lost everything to save me."

"Sounds like Steve." Y/n didn't lift her gaze only offering a weak smile at her beloved friend's description.

Y/n was exhausted, so much more tired than she believed possible but given her physical state it made sense. She yawned, trying to muffle as much of it as she could, her eyes watering at how harsh the yawn had rolled through her.

Bucky hardly noticed, a bount of guilt settling on his heavy heart. Bucky didn't deserve saving. But Steve fought for him anyways. And now he was sitting next to his soulmate, the very soulmate he dared not envision a life with for fear of a broken heart.

"How weird that Steve befriended us both, nearly a century apart. And I thought fate was fucked." Y/n laughed quietly, drawing Bucky out of his thoughts. Another yawn took hold of her and Bucky noticed this time, a soft smile gracing his features as he watched her nose scrunch and her hand pathetically fail to hide the yawn.

"It's been a long day." Bucky said quietly, earning a small nod from her.

"You're right." She mumbled, trying to fight off the sleep that so desperately wanted to claim her. There was still so much she wanted to talk to him about and the few hours they had spent getting to know one another didn't feel like enough. But her body was protesting every second she spent awake.

With a silent sigh, she stood pacing off toward Steve's room to find Bucky some clothes for bed. Bucky rose from the couch to follow, taking notice of how her breathing seemed ragged, almost forced.

It worried him but he didn't say anything. Maybe this was normal? He had no idea. He hadn't thought to ask Steve about her condition and asking her now didn't seem right. So he merely watched her with a silent and concerned gaze.

However once reaching Steve's room, Bucky's attention was stolen. It was clear Steve lived in this room. Whether it was the religiously kept bed, neutral colored clothes hung neatly in the closet or the drawings and pictures strung along his walls, Bucky knew this was where Steve had spent a great deal of time.

The pictures varied in a great deal of things, from NYC buildings drawn from the point of view of the street to beautiful scenes from different cities that Bucky guessed Steve had seen during missions. But one in particular caught his eye, pinned carefully to the wall with a tack.

It was of Y/n from her shoulders up, her head slightly turned down. He found her face was quickly becoming a source of comfort. Just seeing her put him at ease and he'd only met her that day.

The picture gave him that same kind of feeling, the feeling that made his chest soft and his muscles relax. It was a way he had yet to see her, so peaceful and calm.

She was reading a book or maybe a magazine? Her eyes focused on the words but there was a daze behind them as if she were daydreaming. He wondered what she had been thinking about. Wondered why she no longer wore her hair like it was in the portrait. Or maybe she did and he hadn't seen it yet?

There were so many things he'd yet to know and a part of him was furious that he had missed all this time with her. He wanted to know her as well as Steve had, wanted to know everything that made her Y/n. He was furious with fate for stealing that from him.

"Here, these might be comfortable enough for sleepwear. But honestly none of Steve's clothes look very comfortable." Y/n spoke, sending a wary look toward Steve's closet where she'd just been.

"So, Steve lived here?" Bucky asked, under the impression that Steve was more of a frequent guest. Y/n tilted her head with a small nod, looking around at the room.

It had once been her office, the very office she used to hold her sessions in. But once branching out to old cafes, the room was often vacant. Thankfully that was around the time she met Steve and the room quickly found a new purpose.

"Yeah, I mean he still went to the compound sometimes but this was his home. He didn't pay rent but he helped out around the apartment, most of the time." Y/n shrugged, smirking slightly. "He had a thing about dishes." She spoke, raising a brow at Bucky as if he might have some sort of background on the interesting flaw.

"He used to say didn't like his fingers to get wrinkled but I always knew it was because soggy food made him sick." Bucky explained, smiling at the memory.

Never before had he met someone who knew Steve as well as he did. It had always been just them. And while he was gone it was just Y/n and Steve. Now they were desperately trying to piece themselves together. It was strange, finding someone exactly like him, yet so different.

"You know, for a guy who's seen so much violence, I didn't think that soggy food would be his Kryptonite." Y/n remarked, walking over to the bed and sitting on the side.

"Kryptonite?" Bucky asked, the word foreign to him. Was it like Vibranium?

Y/n paused. "Oh um. Superman? From the comics? He was still kind of new around your guy's time. 1938, I believe." She explained.

Bucky nodded softly, vague memories of Steve mentioning it to him resurfacing. "I remember seeing them but I never really read them." Bucky replied, watching as she adjusted her sling.

"Well, Superman's one weakness was Kryptonite. I guess Captain America's weakness is dishes." She chuckled, seemingly unaware of how distraught her condition made him.

A silence fell over them after that, nearly killing them both. It was almost annoying how badly their conversation flowed. The most at ease they'd felt with each other was when they first met. When they were in each other's arms. It took everything she had not to stand up and throw herself into him again.

"Well, I um, I'm going to um-..." Y/n mumbled, trying to dismiss the thought. Bucky nodded softly, shifting the clothes in his hands. A simple pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

"Yeah." He murmured, watching quietly as she stood making her way to the door.

There was a tension between them, the kind that made Bucky's heart clench and his brows furrow. Y/n could feel it too. But neither acted.

"Goodnight, Bucky." Y/n spoke barely above a whisper, the weight of the tension crashing down on her.

"Goodnight." He replied, his eyes trailing her until she disappeared down the hall.

The weight lifted as soon as she was gone but he soon found himself missing it. Why was talking to her so impossibly hard? He tried telling himself that with time things would get easier but time was the only thing he was no longer willing to give up. He needed to try something different.

Needed to reapproach the whole soulmate thing.

Part fifteen

Taglist:

@jessyballet

@eldahae

@kissesofdeadforme

@wantingtobekorra

@sxphiiwrld

@lunaticbarnes

@indecisivedolly

@saiyanprincessswanie

@whatifwedo

@arguedquill1226

@lunashaw57

@3aileypage

@mela-noche

@homosexual-having-tea

@steve-rogcrs

@yayrainday

@buckybarnesdevotee

Sorry for such a delayed update, I've been so busy lately but I hope to start updating regularly again! Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!!!

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farfromsugafanfic · 3 years

Text

Sutures - Chapter Six: Locked In Love

Genre: Soulmates AU, Idiots to Lovers, slight Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Yoongi/Named Reader

Warnings (chapter specific): mentions of sex, therapy, being chased by a cop (no violence occurs)

Synopsis: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” –Jean de la Fontaine

There was only one thing you and Min Yoongi had in common that night. You were both brokenhearted. You only intended to be together for one night, but when you both end up in the hospital the next day you discover that you are soulmates. It could kill you to be apart. As you and Yoongi attempt to sever the bond between you, will another be formed?

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"Hello?" you said, as Skype connected you to your client. He said he was a college student in the emails you'd exchanged. When his face appeared on the screen you smiled and waved politely. He bowed, which looked awkward over the screen, but it made you laugh. "Kim Jinwoo?"

"Yes!" he said, his eyes widening his eyebrows brushing the ends of his hair which lay over his forehead. "Nice to meet you, Teacher."

"Please call me, Sumi," you said. "No need for the formality."

He nodded.

"So, today I'm not going to go over much English with you, but I want to ask you a few questions just to get to know you and find out how I can best teach you."

You opened up your notebook where you had previously written down the questions you wanted to ask. It would certainly be possible to have your clients fill out a form with all of this information beforehand, but you liked to ease into it and allow them to get comfortable. You couldn't help but smile when you felt the familiar weight of the pen in your hand, something familiar in such an unfamiliar place.

"Why are you learning English?"

"I'm studying abroad in America in a couple of months," he said. "I want to have a good grasp on the language before then."

You nodded and wrote down his answer. "Have you ever taken an English class before?"

"The required ones in school," he said.

You continued on with the questions pausing only to write them down. Your first meeting went well and you waved goodbye to the boy. He smiled at you, his lips full and his teeth white.

"I'm excited to begin our sessions," he said. "I wasn't expecting my tutor to be someone my age."

"I'm still older than you," you said, laughing. "Even if it is only a year."

The boy joined in your laughter. "I'll send you my schedule so we can set up our next meeting."

"Sounds good."

"I'm looking forward to it," Jinwoo said, his voice slightly deeper than before. "Noona."

---

You and Yoongi sat on a plush love seat. Each of you clinging to either arm to prevent your thighs or arms from brushing. Yoongi barely looked at you; his face settled in a pout.

"So," the therapist said. "I've already talked with both of you individually and now we will focus on dual therapy. If either of you needs individual counseling, feel free to contact me."

The therapist was a young woman, older than both you and Yoongi, but too young to be either of your mothers. She had a friendly smile and a voice that cut through the air like a knife through butter; but you still found yourself fiddling with your fingers, digging your fingernails into the skin of your fingertips.

You'd thought about bringing your knitting needles giving yourself somewhat of an escape from the stagnant air surrounding you, but you didn't want to be rude. So, rather, you stewed in the stagnant air.

"Have you had your first urge yet?" The therapist's pen was poised on the notebook and her eyes flicked between both of you.

"Y-yes," you both managed to say.

"The first one is usually the hardest to control. Were you able to stop things before they went too far?"

"We didn't have sex if that's what you mean," Yoongi said. Your eyes widen and you want nothing more than to sink into the couch cushions. "Other than when we first met."

The therapist nods and writes something down on her notepad. "This will continue to be difficult for both of you, which is why it's important to have a close relationship, even though the end goal is to break this biological bond between you. What would each of you say is the hardest part so far?"

You both remained quiet. You still fiddled with your fingers wishing now that you'd brought your needles along. You felt a warmth come over your left hand briefly. You caught the sight of Yoongi's hand moving back to rest in his lap. His gaze, however, was still on you and your now still hands, his momentary warmth calming your restless limbs.

"We don't really know each other," Yoongi said. "We met only a few days ago and it's hard to find comfort in each other if we don't really know each other. And--"

"And we both got cheated on," you said. "It's hard to trust someone again."

Yoongi's gaze was on you again, burning a hole in your profile. You secretly wanted to reach out for his hand again and cling to it, because even if you weren't friends, even if you hated each other, there was still something that made you feel safe when your hand was in his.

"That's understandable," the therapist said. "Why don't each of you plan a date? Don't look at as a romantic gesture, just something you can do together to get to know each other a little better."

You nodded, but Yoongi shifted uncomfortably beside you.

"I thought the point was the break whatever bond there is."

She nodded towards Yoongi. "It is," she said. "But, you have to remember it's imperative to build an emotional connection with each other, because as the biological bond breaks it can cause severe mental health issues, which is why I'm here to help you. If you have a separate emotional bond, even just as friends, it will make severing the biological bond easier."

You and Yoongi nodded and you felt as he relaxed back down into the couch. Despite saying he didn't know you well, it seemed like he didn't want to know you.

Yet, you remember waking up that morning on the couch in his studio. At first, you didn't know where you were, not able to see much in the dark, but then you caught the faint glow of the computer screen and Yoongi's huddled shape in the chair. A blanket curled around his form and he clicked away aimlessly on the desktop, unknowingly bouncing his head to a beat you couldn't hear.

It was early in the morning. He either had gotten up early to work or had stayed in the studio with you the whole night. You weren't sure which was worse.

"You must be careful not to develop romantic feelings because the bond can still break and if someone has lingering feelings, it can cause them to continue to experience the withdrawals, which often in those cases is deadly."

You glanced at each other and smiles broke on both of your faces, the previous tension in the room dissipating into the air.

"I don't think that will be a problem."

---

It didn't take you long to figure out what you wanted to do with Yoongi on your "date". You saw him slouch as soon as the two of you stepped onto the bus. He'd worn a hat and a mask attempting to hide his identity as much as he could. You couldn't help but crack a smile at the way the boy sat at the very back of the bus. You sat beside him, the rough fabric of his black jeans brushing against the bare skin of your knees.

Even though it wasn't a real date, there was part of you that wanted to date again. Not Yoongi or anyone in particular, you just wanted to feel cared for again. You wanted to have someone who would wrap their hands around yours when you didn't have your knitting needles and felt anxious, someone to tell you everything will be okay. Another side of you wanted to be single, you'd been with Minki for three years, you'd forgotten what it was like to be alone.

The bus neared your stop and you softly tapped Yoongi's knee to signal it was nearly time to get off. The bus pulled into the stop and the two of you climbed off.

"We'll walk the rest of the way," you said. "It's not far."

"Would it have killed you to use one of the company cars?" he asked.

"This is my date," you said. "Now come on."

You were in central Seoul in the middle of the city and you felt Yoongi tense beside you. You looped your arm through his and walked in the direction of Namsan Tower.

"Hey!" he said, his arm squirming in your grip. "If someone gets a picture, this will look bad."

"We'll just look like a normal couple," you said. "If anything they'll pay less attention to you."

Yoongi sighed, his arm relaxing. You heard a small grunt of disbelief from underneath his mask, but he relented and allowed you to interlock your elbow with his.

You approached Namsan Tower--a large arrow-shaped building that jutted out from the middle of the city--and felt the wave of deja vu wash over you. The last time you were here you were gripping Minki's hand, a smile on both of your faces. You weren't really happy, you didn't realize it then, of course. You always told yourself Minki was the one, you told yourself that Minki was perfect. But, if the boy next to you now was any indication, you'd been lying to yourself.

"Don't tell me we're doing one of those stupid lock things," Yoongi said as the two of you entered the elevator and you pressed the button for the second floor.

"No," you said. "We're removing one."

---

When you got to the Locks of Love, there was more than you remember, locks running all along the rooftop deck. There were so many locks it looked as if the walls of the observation deck were made from the locks.

Despite the mass of locks, it didn't take you long to find the one you and Minki had picked out. It was near the top of the short wall, pale pink in color with yours and Minki's initials written on it and a heart drawn around them. The rain had caused the Sharpie to fade slightly, but the initials were still clearly visible.

You removed a bobby pin from your hair, a shorter piece of your hair falling into your face. You tucked it behind your ear and wiggled the bobby pin into the lock.

"I'm guessing you didn't keep the key?"

You smiled sheepishly and laughed at your own stupidity. "We threw it in the Han."

Even though Yoongi still wore a mask, you could see his plump lips forming a smirk underneath it.

"What?" you asked. "We thought we were in love."

"You weren't?"

You sighed. "I don't know. I at least thought I was."

Yoongi didn't react, but you felt his eyes watching intently as you wiggled the bobby pin back and forth, trying to get the lock to release. After a few minutes of struggling, Yoongi stepped in front of you, his keys in his hand.

"Sometimes if you have a similar key you can trick the lock into unlocking," he said. He tried a few of his keys, a small one eventually slipping in the lock. He jostled it, but to no avail.

"How do you know that?"

He raised his eyebrow. "You really want to know that?"

You noticed a few people looking at the two of you suspiciously. The last thing you needed was attention, it was a risk to come to such a busy place with Yoongi anyway. You nervously turned the bobby pin around in your fingers.

"You think if we just pulled on it long enough it would come off?"

You laughed, only causing more eyes to dart your way. You sighed and tried the bobby pin again, not managing to unlock the lock. Frustrated, you threw it to the ground.

"I should've made a copy of the key," you said. "I couldn't have been so stupid to think it would really last?"

You knew you had been that stupid. You thought Minki was the one even though the moths in your stomach always told you differently.

"Hey!" you heard someone shout from the other end of the deck. "You can't remove those!"

You noticed the man--a cop--run towards the two of you and before you could process what was happening, you were running down the stairs and back down to the street.

At some point, your hand had fallen into Yoongi's. His hand gripped yours tightly as you followed only slightly behind him. You eventually fell into the crowd of central Seoul and ducked into an alleyway.

You both breathed heavily and Yoongi pulled down his mask to breathe more freely. His lips and face red, his lips in a pout. His hand still holding yours and your bodies mere inches apart, feeling each other's warmth.

"I'm so sorry," you said. "I didn't realize it was illegal and I thought it might be therapeutic to remove it. If we get caught, I'll take the blame, cause you're an idol and I've already caused you too much trouble..."

Yoongi laughed. "Shhhh, we'll get caught if you keep rambling." He let go of your hand and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest. His chin rested comfortably on the crown of your head. His heart beat against your ear, in near rhythm with your own.

"Don't worry about the lock," he said, whispering, his breath tickling the skin of your ear. "Just because it's there doesn't mean anything. You don't have to love him, or ever have."

His arms loosen around you and you look up at him. You'd never seen him like this before; his voice deep and calm, his eyes calm and kind, his fingers lightly twisting the ends of your hair. His skin shone in the dimly lit alley and his back was against the wall.

"I think we're safe, now," he said. "I'll get us a taxi." He pulled the mask back up and held his arm out for you, allowing you to loop your arm through his again.

You walk down the street to find a taxi, most of which were full in the late afternoon. People push past you and vendors yell out their prices to potential costumers. You don't pay much attention to anyone or anything as you walk, but your eyes flit to a newsstand with its glossy magazine covers and airbrushed celebrities.

You suddenly catch sight of your face on the top right of a magazine cover. It was next to Yoongi's. You stopped, even the tug of Yoongi's arm didn't startle you from your thoughts.

You picked up the cover and felt tears coming to your eyes as you take in the headline, "Jang Sumi Cheated On Her Long Time Boyfriend With Min Yoongi?!" A small mention of Yoongi's ex was mentioned as well.

"Sumi," Yoongi's voice cut through your thoughts. "Come on, I'll explain everything in the taxi."

He tugged on your hand lightly and after a moment you place the magazine back on its rack and follow him, his hand completely enveloping yours. His hand was your only anchor in the choppy sea.

Eventually, Yoongi manages to wave down a taxi and the two of you climb in. His hand leaves yours as he tells the driver directions and suddenly you are overboard.

Everything that had threatened to spill over on the street now spilled over on your cheeks. You turned away from Yoongi, quickly wiping away the hot tears, wondering why it seemed you always cried in front of him when he was the last person you wanted to see you cry.

"I didn't want to tell you," he said. "I was hoping it would die down before you found out." He paused, taking a deep breath. You turned to face him, it was barely evident you had cried at all, but you felt some tears still threatening to spill over. "After everything with the shoes, Minki's been saying some things. He's saying you were still in a relationship with him when you slept with me. Don't worry, we haven't confirmed anything, most people think he's just a jealous ex, and intend to keep it that way, okay?"

"Everyone knows we slept together?" you asked. "They think I cheated?"

Yoongi reached out and moved the piece of hair your bobby pin freed and tucked it behind your ear. "I'm going to take care of it," he said. "Don't worry, everything will be over when we come back from Japan."

You nodded, wishing more than ever you'd saved the key, so you could unlock the lock and destroy it. Never having to think about Minki again.

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thebluelemontree · 4 years

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I don't know if you've already answered a similar question, if you have I apologize and will look better for it. But do you think Sandor and Sansa would still love each with how much they've both changed? They've almost become new people, but still the same beings.

It’s no problem. I’ve written about that here and probably touched on this in many other posts.

I wouldn’t frame the question as would they “still love each other with how much they’ve both changed.” It implies that their feelings were already understood as love by them when they were together. What they had was a confusing mess of conflicting emotions that neither were fully capable of understanding or accepting at the time. Each had their reasons for why that was so, which goes to some of the issues that stood between them. While there is chemistry, intimacy, and empathy shown, IMO, it’s better to think of them as possessing the building blocks that can lead to love in the future.

On the other hand, there was also:

The fact that she’s too young, immature, and unready for a consummated romance with anyone. She needs space and time to grow up and figure out what she wants. Until AFFC, she’s still only comfortable consciously fantasizing about Loras Tyrell, who is non-threatening, conventionally attractive, and uncomplicated. They are still relatively chaste/borderline erotic fantasies. The unkiss takes time for her to consciously accept and embrace as reciprocated erotic desire.

The fact that he has no idea how to express himself without resorting to the language of violence that he understands best.

The fact that he copes with the unresolved childhood trauma and PTSD in unhealthy ways like his abrasive Hound persona, his overly-cynical worldview, and sometimes abusing alcohol when he’s under stress.

His immaturity and inability to simply ask for and accept the emotional support he wants (which she was perfectly willing to give) without freaking out over being vulnerable with someone.

The fact that they are on opposite sides of a war where Sansa’s family is in open rebellion against her captors who Sandor owes fealty to.

The fact that she’s the king’s betrothed. She’s his property. To explicitly act upon any romantic attraction would be considered treason, punishable by torture and death.

The fact that there is a massive class disparity between them that overshadows the age difference in their world. That’s one reason why neither can put a name to this thing between them. A future queen / high lord’s daughter from an ancient house should not be fraternizing with a non-knight from a house only three generations old. That’s why they struggle even knowing what to call each other because using first names shows too much familiarity and intimacy. This would be true even without any of the other conflicts. Class controls everything in Westeros.

And yes, he still owes her a big heartfelt apology for his abhorrent behavior during the Blackwater, and he should beg her forgiveness.

Most of these points I elaborate on in more detail in the links above. If you notice, though, most of these things have either been resolved or are in the process of being resolved. None of these issues were ever insurmountable obstacles.

The ways in which Sansa and Sandor have evolved even in their separation has been largely positive and complementary of each other. They haven’t grown apart or become incompatibly different at all. If anything, it’s pushed their feelings further along, and it’s clear they are very much on each other’s minds. Since we can see Sansa’s perspective firsthand, she’s only thought about Sandor more since he left.

Sansa has grown and matured a lot more when we see her in the TWOW sample chapter. Had the five-year gap panned out, she would be legally an adult in Westeros; however, dropping it doesn’t seem to have affected GRRM’s intentions for any of his POVs. She’s in the company of unconventional, sexually mature women in their early twenties who can be role models in navigating adult relationships. The sassy way she takes no shit from a brutally honest Harrold Hardyng shows she has confidence and the ability to go toe-to-toe with Sandor’s gruff personality without getting flustered and running away. After she wipes the floor with him with her wit, she ends up winning Harry over to the point he’s begging for her favor. There is no point in the sample chapter where she voices any anxieties about not feeling ready for marriage, sex, or children. This no longer seems to be an issue for her, so we can assume she feels okay with having an adult relationship at this point.

Her time as a bastard girl has made her warmer and friendlier. She was always kind, but proprieties and courtesies can also read as aloof and re-enforcing strict class boundaries. Can you imagine Kings Landing!Sansa hugging someone like Lothor Brune, a landless knight, as she does in TWOW? Or preferring the company of a sex-positive widow who enjoys taking lovers or a bastard girl over the “perfect sister” she saw in Margaery Tyrell and her cousins? Hell no. That would never happen. This new Sansa lacks those prejudices and is openly affectionate towards people she was raised to keep at arm’s length. Once she loosened up and stopped reciting courtesies, people actually got to know her and like her for who she is. That’s what Sandor always wanted from her, right? To drop the courtesies and flattering bullshit and just be a real person with him, not a talking parrot. While that criticism was harsh and rudely put, it had a lot of truth to it. It seems to have made Sansa into a happier person and more in touch with her authentic self. Now that she has accepted in Feast that she wanted Sandor like that, what is there to stop her from acting on it later?

The Quiet Isle didn’t exist before Feast. It was written for Sandor to recover and rehabilitate. Not just physically, but he’s getting what constitutes psychological counseling and a treatment plan that deals directly with his worst traits. He appears to meet with the Elder Brother often enough because the latter seems to know quite a bit about Sandor’s backstory, what his issues are, and exactly who Sansa Stark is. The rest of the time, he must observe the no talking rule and do meaningful work as a novice. This man, who once flaunted his contempt for those who couldn’t defend themselves as weak and deserving of death, is put to work digging graves for the innocent victims of violence. All day long, he has to look at the faces of men, women, and children killed by evil men with that philosophy. One brother even yells at him for carelessly tossing dirt around with the shovel, and he silently takes it. No smart ass backtalk. In the evening, he has to serve food and clear plates for men he would have once mocked. They’re men of faith, they’ve renounced violence, and Sandor sits lower in status than them. To Sandor’s credit, he humbly submits to all this in a show of respect and humility. It’s like he wants to learn these lessons they are offering and is allowing himself to be schooled. Now Sandor may always be Sandor on some level (if Stranger kicking down the stable doors and refusing to be gelded is any indication). Still, it does look like he’s become a gentler, healthier, and sober version of himself. The only part of Sandor that Sansa rejected was the Hound, and it’s both stated in the text and by George himself that the Hound is dead. Period. And yeah, it seems like Sandor is in a place where he is unlikely to backslide into old behavior, and he can make that heartfelt and necessary apology to Sansa. I don't think Sandor could ever be okay with moving their relationship forward without making amends first. It wouldn't sit right with his sense of remorse and personal responsibility, which is a good thing.

All these changes are for the better for them as individuals and as a possible future couple. Contrary to your ask, I would say a positive, fully-fledged romance with "HEA" potential wouldn’t be possible or believable without all the growth and changes they've undergone. When they reunite, they can do so on more equal footing.

Not that there aren’t more conflicts to overcome. They both are currently wanted fugitives for murders they didn’t commit, so they both need to clear their names and reclaim their true identities. There is still the matter of Sansa’s marital status as Tyrion isn’t dead but their marriage was also unconsummated. She could try to have her marriage officially annulled by the Faith somehow, but to do that, she’ll have to take the risk of revealing her true identity. Again, these don’t seem like plots that won’t be resolved anyway at some point. What about that class divide though? Well, the Starks aren’t like Tywin or Cersei, and they actually value things like faithful service. No reason why Sandor couldn’t be awarded a lordship and lands in gratitude for saving the lives of both Arya and Sansa. I’m just sayin’.

#valyrianscrolls #sansan meta #sansan #sansa stark #sandor clegane #asoiaf meta #my meta #future romance #asoiaf characterization #twow spec #asoiaf spec

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chibisquirt · 4 years

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You don't have to answer, but if you wouldn't mind. What are some things you've learned about ADHD from Tumblr that are applicable to you, or others you may now? I've been reading more on it and how it manifests in girls/women and was curious when I read your rb on that post about Grammarly

I don’t mind at all! Fair warning: this is gonna be LONG.

I’m going to start by repeating something I mentioned in that post: I was diagnosed in third grade, which was over two decades ago. I had my diagnosis halfway through elementary school, much less high school and two rounds of college. So a lot of the old information about ADHD I learned as a young person, and those things are worth exploring, too.

Example: It’s not that I’m not listening, Mrs. Nock, it’s just that if I try to keep my hands still, then the only thing I will retain from the lesson will be keep your hands still and not the things you trying to teach, which are supposedly important!

(Mrs. Nock was the one who said to me, “I believe you believe you’re paying attention.” Yes, it’s been fifteen years. Yes, I’m still mad. If you can’t have basic respect for your students, don’t teach.)

I figured out half on my own, half because of the counselling that if I had a fidget tool that didn’t require words I would pay better attention than if I tried to sit still. (I still remember being mocked by my dad for fidgeting well after making that discovery, though. Apparently diagnoses should only inform compassion when they’re his.) On the same lines, I also figured out that music in the background wouldn’t work for me if it had words, and television is too distracting for me to use at all. (I have a friend, though, whose ADHD works the opposite way: he has difficulty focusing if there isn’t a television in the background. Yes, both are valid.)

So, the Classics:

I always had trouble with organization and cleaning, had trouble with schedules and calendars and managing my time. Those are the things they’ll warn you about, the things they’ll tell you in counselling are natural and normal things for people with ADHD to have trouble with. Trouble paying attention, sure. Trouble sitting still. Procrastination. Got it.

But if you turn those traits around and re-frame them, they become a new set of symptoms. Adaptations for these new symptoms are more personal and universally applicable in my life, and therefore, to my mind, more useful.

Take Procrastination. (No really: please take it.) That just means “putting it off until tomorrow,” and there are lots of reasons to do it: “don’t have the tool I need” is one of the biggies, “want to conserve steps” trips me up a lot, “I still have time to get to it” is HUGE for me... But a lot of times, these are just superficial reasons. The re-framed symptom is, Trouble making yourself do things you don’t want to do.

ADHD is an executive function disorder. That’s a phrase I first learned on Tumblr, by the way; it may have been mentioned by one of my earlier counsellors, but it definitely wasn’t taught.

This is why soooo many of us have struggled with the perception (including self-perception) that we’re lazy! But no one tells the kid in the wheelchair he’s just lazy for not playing basketball. (Okay, they totally do. People are terrible. Ignore that, stick to the point.) I reframe this the way I do because acknowledging this as a symptom, taking the blame out of it, makes it easier to find adaptation.

Now, this is a personal post. YMMV. But I have an easier time managing my conduct if, instead of calling myself lazy a procrastinator, I say, “I keep not doing that --> oh it’s because I Don’t Wanna --> how can I con myself into doing it?” (Strategies include bargaining, making it easier, powering through but then allowing yourself to stop afterwards, just acknowledging that I Don’t Wanna and allowing that to be valid...) Procrastination is an action, but “executive function disorder” is a disease and “I Don’t Wanna” is its trigger, just as much as an allergy and a clump of ragweed are. “Procrastination” is a powerful sphynx against which I’m helpless, but “I Don’t Wanna Disease” lets me start cultivating my metaphorical catnip and researching the answers to common riddles.

And while we’re talking about procrastination--and trouble with deadlines, and schedules in general--let’s talk about Time Insensitivity. Missed deadlines and perpetual lateness (perpetual) are external actions, just like procrastination, and they can have all sorts of explanations.

(Shoutout to Mrs. Pollack, who looked around a classroom containing thirteen-year-old me, and, knowing full well that I was chronically tardy, declared that “anybody who’s always running late, deep down, they just doesn’t care about anybody else’s time.” Great job with calling the thirteen-year-old a heartless bitch, Mrs. Pollack! As you can tell, I definitely forgot it very quickly, and didn’t at all have a self-critical breakdown about it, periodically revisiting the question of my own inherent selfishness for years!!!)

But ignoring the external actions, let’s take a compassionate look inside the head again. Executive function includes regulation of, and awareness of the passing of, time. Again: you can’t play the basketball with no legs. We literally do not realize what time is doing. Sometimes we do--if we devote enough of our attention to it, which may be a large amount for some, a small amount for others, or a variable amount for the same person. But our brains literally don’t process it the same way.

But hold on a minute--let’s go back to that analogy. Because actually, people with no legs can play basketball! It’s just that you have to use the adaptation of wheelchairs to do it--and that’s an adaptation for the game and for the players.

I use alarms. I’ve recently seen a post about audio memos as alarms. There are people who just slap clocks everywhere. When I was forced to work in a kitchen with no clocks, I used the multi-setting timer and set it for like four hours so I would know if I was keeping on schedule. I also chose a job environment where much of my shift is the same as itself, and rigid punctuality isn’t enforced--that’s adapting my environment, instead of myself. There’s all kinds of adaptations. But you have to know you have the condition before you can compensate for it.

Here’s a fun little story: when I was... oh, eleven? Twelve? My Quaker Meeting’s youth group (#7 whitest phrase I’ve ever written) went to the museum together. One of the stops was in the children’s section, there was a... a pegboard, I think? With some kind of problem on it. A puzzle. Me and a couple others sat down at it, and it took me a while, but eventually I solved it, and I looked up.

I blinked. “Where is everybody?” I said.

“They left,” said my mom. “Half an hour ago.”

I was stunned. “Half an hour ago?! But I couldn’t’ve spent more than ten minutes on this!”

“I promise you, it was half an hour.”

“Why didn’t you call me?? Why didn’t you say my name?”

“We did. Several times.”

To this day, I will swear myself blind that I never heard a thing.

Hyperfocusing. They’ll tell you about the problems focusing; oh yes. They’ll tell you allll about that one. But they won’t tell you about the flip side of it. They won’t tell you about the times when the rest of the world falls away, and the only two things in the world are you and whatever problem you’re trying to solve.

D’y’know what, I bet that’s the reason I test well. I just realized this now, phrasing it like that, but--I’ve always tested well, even when my actual practical applications of things are mediocre I do well with the classroom testing on it. I scored a 39 on the MCAT, back when it was out of 45 and not whatever it is now. (To those with the plain good sense not to want to be doctors: that’s pretty good.) And I just bet it’s because, once I get focused on solving the problems, the other problems--nerves, intrusive thoughts, anxiety--just don’t have room to get in. Hyperfocusing can be a superpower, if you can harness it.

But it can also blind you to everything else. And it works in smaller ways, too: once I think I understand something, it is very difficult for me to perceive information that contradicts that understanding. I still get the map of the Elflands backwards every time I read The Goblin Emperor, just because I pictured it one way, and every indication in the text that it was the other way just fell on deaf ears.

And this one leads right into the next, which is Rejection Sensitivity Disorder. RSD is hyperfocus, but it’s hyperfocus on how everyone must hate you. It’s delightful! I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, as well, and I do have both of those things, but for my money, I think that this one symptom of ADHD--which no doctor has ever even mentioned to me--has hurt me more than both of those conditions combined.

The last one I’m going to bring up is Auditory Processing Disorder. Now, I’ve gone and gotten re-diagnosed twice in my life, and the last time was just a few years ago, so they actually used this one in the test. The psychologist told me about it, she just didn’t use the phrase Auditory Processing Disorder, and she didn’t tell me that it was its own symptom--she just used it for the test.

What she did was, she gave me two hearing tests, one to test whether or not I could hear, and then the other a list of words that all sounded alike, and I had to mark which one I was hearing. The second part of that was very long, and very boring, and despite scoring perfectly on the first test, I got several wrong on the second. I was actually surprised by that; I at no point suspected I had heard any of them wrong. When she gave me the test, told me this was proof by contradiction, that we were ruling out hearing loss as an alternative explanation for my difficulties. It was only after the test was done that she explained that the pattern I showed was actually part of the diagnosis of ADHD; that we get bored, and stop really paying attention, and that we don’t even know we’re doing it.

...Okay, but you couldn’t have mentioned the part where I also do that every day in real life, lady?!?! It’s not just when we’re bored, it’s not just for long processes.�� I do this all the time. I actually tell people now that “I actually have a neurological condition that makes it hard for me to hear; I can tell that you’re speaking, but I can’t tell what you’re saying.”

This is 100% true. It is a neurological condition.

We label this a condition, but as a society, we don’t treat it that way. Society treats it as yet another excuse. It’s not. You’re not lazy, stupid or crazy. Neither am I.

I have a condition. Acknowledging that is the first step of treatment. Not five thousand sticky notes, not binders or filing systems or even taking all the doors off the cupboards (although I definitely plan to do that one as soon as I possibly can). Not counselling sessions with so many different people I can’t even name them all, for the love of god please understand that you can’t just fix it with pills.

(Although mad props to the people who thought Concerta would magically solve me at the age of nine! Spoiler alert: it did not do that! But it did mean that my parents felt comfortable blaming me for all my failures again, so it did at least some of what it was designed for, I guess. :) )

I have spent the last few years re-understanding my ADHD it as is: a neurological condition, a disability, and a simple fact of life. A starting place, instead of yet more proof of my own inherent insufficiency. And you know what? When you take the blame and self-hatred out of the diagnosis--when you stop cursing it as the cause of all your problems and start trying to work with it, instead--it gets a lot easier to manage.

#laexploradoraaa

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dailyaudiobible · 3 years

Text

01/05/2021 DAB Transcript

Genesis 11:1-13:4, Matthew 5:1-26, Psalms 5:1-12, Proverbs 1:24-28

Today is the 5th day of January, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we continue to get moved into the year and moving out away from the shoreline of the new year and into the year. And, so, we…we’ve moved into all the books that we’re reading, the four different books - Genesis, Matthew, Psalms and Proverbs right now. So, we have some orientation. So, let's get into the Scriptures together. We’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week. Genesis chapter 11 verse 1 through 13 verse 4 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, there's so much that we could talk about today from…from our reading. Let’s start with the Proverbs. Let’s remember that this voice is the voice of wisdom. This feminine voice of wisdom who introduced herself to us, In fact, she's continuing to introduce herself to us in today's reading. And we read today that, you know, if you don't…if you neglect the counsel of wisdom and don't accept correction then wisdom will mock and laugh at you when your calamity comes upon you like a whirlwind and stress overtakes you. And can we look at that and go, “well, that's not very nice of wisdom.” But here's the key. Seeking wisdom after the fact, after you've already destroyed something in your life that wisdom could've counseled you around, but instead you ignored wisdom and went straight into this thing because it's what you desired more than wisdom, then yes it can feel like wisdom is laughing. The voice of wisdom says basically after that happens, they’ll call me, but I won't answer, they’ll search for me but won't find me, right? When you're in the middle of something that is destructive, and you have ignored the voice of wisdom and the counsel of the Holy Spirit and maybe even the counsel of friends and community and you’ve walked right into it then you can't blame wisdom for where you are. You are where you are because that's where you went when the voice of wisdom was always there, counseling you away from that series of decisions that made whatever it made. So let's remember, retroactive wisdom may indeed give us wisdom for the future but we should be consulting wisdom about all of the choices that we make because they all matter and wisdom is always available.

Okay, let’s move back to the book of Matthew, because now we have been introduced to Jesus. We’ve seen His baptism. We’ve kinda got the lay of the land, but now He opens His mouth to teach. And, so, just like wisdom, the voice of Jesus is something we…we should be paying attention to the things that gets said here and tilling them into the soil of our lives because in a few months we would like them to yield of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. We would like transformation to happen because we’re spending this time around the Global Campfire letting God's words speak into our lives. We want that…like the reason that we’re doing this is to be transformed. And, so, Jesus begins today what we famously know of as the sermon on the Mount. And this is Jesus central teaching, no question about it. And it’d lengthy. We’ll be spending a couple of days in it. But He begins to speak today with what is known as the Beatitudes, right? Blessed are the poor in spirit, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs. Blessed are those who mourn. Blessed are the humble. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the pure in heart. Blessed are the peacemakers. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness. Jesus is laying out, like the…it…as soon as He opens His mouth in the Bible to teach this is the first thing that He teaches. And what He is essentially saying is all of the things that…that you think are the way to go aren’t. You are living an almost backward life to the way that life was intended to be lived. And what we are beginning to see Jesus lay out is an argument for freedom through surrender. In other words, if you aren’t grasping on to things and defending your lines and your circles and your territories. If you understand that it's all a gift and it's all yours and it's all from the hand of your Almighty Father, then you can let go of everything and be utterly dependent upon God. It’s just that our lives and our culture is so backward that. Very similar to what Jesus is saying in the Beatitudes, that to truly raise our hands in utter surrender and fall into complete trust in God, yeah, I mean we’ll do that as long as things are working right but the second that our expectations aren't met, right, the second that things are not going the way we thought they should go then we simply expose that we are the ones that want to be sovereign over ourselves and we don't fully trust God unless…unless we can predict the outcome, unless it's really really clear and we can telegraph what's gonna happen, which is a backward way of being a human being. And this is in part what Jesus is laying out today by calling out the truth. “You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world.” So, Jesus describes these two things. “If the salt loses its taste, how can it be salty again. You can't hide a city on a hill. Nobody lights a lamp and puts it under a basket. You put the lamp on the lampstand so that it can light the room.” And then He says, “in the same way let your light shine before others so they may see your good works and give glory to your father in heaven.” So, we see is that Jesus is very kind and very compassionate but has zero tolerance for the deception that has fogged and clouded the world. And, so, that He cuts right through and just like wisdom, we should pay attention. And we heard a term today for the first time a term that Jesus will use over and over, a term that will follow us through the rest of the year and that we will be considering for the rest of the year, “the kingdom of heaven”. Jesus is announcing things, revealing things, exposing that things that we are waiting for are already here among us. And we’ll see that begin to unfold in the next couple of days.

And then going back to Genesis we’re starting to fall into the rhythm there as well and we met some people, some people, desert dweller nomadic people who were moving around, but who ultimately hear God's invitation into the…into the land of Canaan where we will find that God will promise this land. And the people that we met were Abram and Sarai and Lot. We will be traveling with them for a while and Abram will have a name change to Abraham and Sarai will have a name change to Sarah. I don’t think that's too much of a spoiler, but that's who we’re talking about. And we’ve probably all heard the names Abraham and Sarah before. This is who we’re talking about right here in the book of Genesis and the covenantal relationship between Abraham and God is also something that is going to permeate the rest of the Bible. So, it’s important that we pay attention to the details of their story as we go through it because that story is a fundamental part of the rest of the story of the Bible including the story of the Christian faith. So, we’re getting taught and we’re getting context, and that is a beautiful thing as we continue to sail out into the deep because we’re gonna need both as we move our way through the Bible and seek the transformation that the Scriptures bring as it counsels and corrects and comforts us.

Prayer:

Father we are so thankful. We are so grateful to be here today to be on this planet that you have created breathing oxygen that sustains our life, reminding us that each inhale is inspiration each exhale is an expiration. We have to trust you. It's baked into who we are. We draw in that breath as a gift and then we have to let it go. We can't hold it. We’ll die. We have to let it go in faith and utter dependence that the next one will come. So, at the baseline of our existence You are there, and we are grateful and when we feel lost, when we feel like you're gone or we can't find what to do or things have gotten confusing, we can come back and remember that we are breathing. We can come back to our breath and understand the breath of life is within us. You are here. And, so, come Holy Spirit into all that we've read and all that's being presented and laid out for us as we move into this year. We ask that you would lead us into all truth. This is what we find as a promise in the Scriptures. We ask that you lead us on the narrow path that leads to life. And we began to get in the habit of being aware of your presence in the moment so that we might hear the voice of wisdom instead of just blasting through and causing mayhem and some sector of our lives. We are learning and we will continue to learn of our utter dependence upon you and how that this is the most freeing thing that we can ever realize, is that we must trust you and that there is no other place to place our hope. Come Holy Spirit into all of this we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen

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And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Well happy New Year Daily Audio Bible family this is Jeff from Scepter and I just finished up listening to day one of my ninth year and also my wife Lita just finished up her very first of ever here at the Daily Audio Bible. So, that’s really cool. And I just wanted to share that. So, everybody just pray for us. If you don’t mind pray for us to gather wisdom and for Lita, my wife to get something out of this. And hopefully she’ll enjoy this as much as I have throughout the years. Looking forward to hearing everybody talking and over…over the next few weeks as always. And it’s good to be back. And love you all. And…

Happy New Year family this is your sister Julie in Idaho. Please pray with me. Father, our Father may this new year You set before us being dedicated to You Lord in advance. Bless us God. We ask in deep gratitude and we know that You go before us preparing our hearts and minds to see and hear You supernaturally more than we can ever ask or imagine. Please forgive us of all our brokenness and aspirations and shortcomings but being more like Jesus and throw them away as far as the east is from the west. Mend us Lord. Start something new in our lives and our hearts this year, today even. May we not look behind us at our failures but focus forward on each new day as it comes knowing full well that You are good, and You’ve created us in Your image Lord. Make us good. Fill us with Your Holy Spirit that we might fill others around us. Mend us and make us whole this year Lord. Abba bless us that we might be a blessing to all those You put in our lives. Please make Your presence known in every aspect of our lives. May we reflect Your glory onto this world as You mend us. To You Abba Father be all glory honor and praise. In the mighty name of Jesus. Amen. Happy New Year family. And I hope that all of our original family is still here and that we’re welcoming all of our new family that is coming aboard. Welcome aboard this most beautiful platform that the Hardin family has provided for us. Thank you, Brian and may God bless you as you lead us and shepherd us this year into 2021 and may we all grow stronger in our faith and as a family. Welcome and well done. In Jesus’ name.

Happy new year DABbers it’s Grace Filled DeCastro here. It’s the 2nd of January and I just want to say thank you Brian and the Hardin family for a wonderful, beautiful start to the new year. Yesterday was amazing and today doubly amazing. It’s just…it’s just so insightful how you could go through the year Bible year after year and always learn something new. That’s was so beautiful about this. I just want to say thank you to all of the prayer warriors that come on here and pray for everybody. And, you know, they’re just so fantastic, may God bless you all and may you continue to grow in what you do. I just want to ask for prayer for myself as I go back to work on Monday. I’m a high-level teaching assistant and basically most of our little babies…I work in a primary school, small children…and most of them will be at home but for a lot of us teaching assistants, you know, we will have to go in looking after groups of vulnerable children or key workers. So, just pray for covering over us and protection over us and also pray for the amazing doctors and nurses out there that are really being bombarded with lots of new cases of patients who aren’t able to breath. There lacking oxygen, you know. Just pray that God sends a miracle for strength for the hospital teams and just a recovery, a miraculous recovery for the patients that are in there. Thank you all. I love you. God bless you. Have a wonderful, wonderful day. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Hello, my beautiful DAB family Happy New Year this is Hope from the Heartland. Let’s lean into what God is doing in our lives. I just wanted to call and say thank you so much to each one of you. I love listening to the Christmas party. It was so fun. Like Rebecca in Michigan, I have started driving for intsacart. And, so, to drive around and shop with all of you along with me was so much fun and it just warmed my heart. I especially loved hearing everyone’s voice but when Carla called in it just brought this ministry into focus for me and kind of what it has done in my life when she said, you know, “this happened and you prayed for me and then this happened” and I remember like individually her calls and then just to look back and see the hindsight of where God brought her and how we were championing her and coming around her, that just I don’t even know how to express it…it just meant so much to me. And then when Victoria soldier called, I was feeling a little lonely and I just had this picture of when she said I am with you and I was like she is so dear to me and just I imagined having a cup of tea with her and it just really warmed my heart. So, happiest of new year greetings to each of you. I pray the Lord’s favor and blessing on you and I’m so excited to set sail with you this year in the Daily Audio Bible. Love you guys. Bye.

Hello wonderful DAB family this is Hope from the Heartland again. Immediately after I sent in my last message my dad called to tell me that my mom had just passed away just a couple hours ago now. And I just wanted you to know that as I was thinking about her and praying for her, she had been suffering with Alzheimer’s for…early onset Alzheimer’s for a few years and just to grieve each thing as it was happening it was hard, and it was sad at the end because her whole wing came down with the virus. And, so, no visitors were allowed and just to see her not looking peaceful just looking very much in pain was so hard on my heart. I just wanted to go scoop her up and be with her and pray with her and just tell her she was loved, and I wasn’t able to do that. And it was really weighing heavily on my heart. And when I thought about just calling that prayer request in to you and praying for all the people around the world that are in that situation both the people that are alone in passing and their family members who can’t get to them I was just reminded because of the discipline of and the community of listening to the Bible every day and hearing your prayers that God was able to be with her, that He is sovereign, that He has ordained her days, that He has promised to be with each of us and never forsake us. And, so, I pray that He would send people and His Spirit, and He would take her home to be with Him in peace and with style. So, I love you family. Bye.

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