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honey-boyyoongi · 10 months

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Reader x Yoongi | Part 56//??

Word count ➪ 3.2k

Summary ➪ Min Yoongi, is a simple man. He likes his coffee black and iced, he enjoys his job, and he loves his baby girl. But what happens when the new neighbor, quite literally, drops into his life?

Warnings ➪ any typos are mine; angst lol; some cursing; mentions of abortion; mentions of self neglect during pregnancy; description of an anxiety attack; its established that Minji is like mentally ill; slight sexual description; if you’re name is crossed out it’s because I couldn’t tag you;

A/n: Hey guys! Uh just a quick warning if y'all hated Minji before.... well yall are gonna hate her now. Feedback is appreciated, and if you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know. 💕

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Yoongi sat across Minji in silence. They had exchanged mild pleasantries when she had arrived at the cafe. It was a small, cozy establishment; in normal circumstances he would’ve been excited at the prospect of bringing Hani here. He didn’t know what to say, or how to feel, except for anger and resentment. He remembered telling Jin so, while he got ready.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’m sure,” Yoongi nodded.

Jin nodded back in acknowledgement, “Okay then, remember Jimin will be in the back the entire time. Do you remember your safeword?”

Yoongi sighed heavily, “Pineapple..”

Seokjin grinned at his friend, “Good. Remember, be nice.”

Yoongi scowled, “I am being nice, she’s the one making demands after being gone for half a decade.”

Jin walked up to his old friend, fixing the non-existent flaws in Yoongi’s clothes, “You don’t have to do this, you know. She signed away her rights, you can keep her away from Hani.”

“I know..just..,” he sighed, “I need to know why she’s coming back now.”

“Will that help you move on,” Jin asked.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi answered.

They watched as Jungkook came into Yoongi’s bedroom, looking as disheveled as Yoongi felt “Okay, the kids are still at the park with ___, she said they’ll be getting food on the way home. Also, Jimin texted me, "the cafe is closed, be there in 15 minutes”, and to text him when you get there.”

Yoongi nodded, he lightly sniffled, feeling overwhelmed. He almost wished he was cowardly enough to stay. “I wish the first time going to Min’s place wasn’t.. this... I had hoped to bring Hani, to show her the pretty snacks and the pretty drinks..” Seokjin pulled Yoongi into a not so tight hug, he didn’t want to wrinkle his clothes, shushing him. “It’s okay, on another day we’ll take the kids, Gigi’s kids included, all of us will go out. It’ll be fun and you can make memories with Hani, okay?”

“Okay.”

Yoongi watched as Jimin placed their food in front of them; he’d gotten his trusty iced americano, while Minji opted for an iced chai. Jimin flashed Yoongi a quick smile, calming his wired nerves.

Minji cleared her throat to bring his attention back to her, “Is he a friend of yours?”

Yoongi nodded slightly, “He is.” Minji gave him a look, as if egging him on. “He’s Jin’s little cousin’s business partner. We helped them out when they first started the process of building their cafe. I asked Tae for a favor, and they said yes. I’ve known Min for as long as I’ve known Tae.”

Minji had no response, she continued to drink her iced chai in silence. She avoided making eye contact with him, and it bothered the ever living fuck out of Yoongi. He felt angry that Minji had the gall to demand his daughter over the phone, but refused to talk to him face to face. He had decided on the drive over that he would not be the one to bring up her absence. Yoongi wanted her to explain; why was she back? Her ongoing silence was making his patience wear thin, and it caused him to remember the last fight they’d had.

Minji had been avoiding Yoongi; it had been 2 weeks since he’d told Minji he loved her. She had freaked out, stuttering out to Yoongi that she had to go. Yoongi had given her the weekend to breathe, he understood if she couldn’t say it back, not everyone felt romantic feelings the same. On Monday he texted Minji a message asking how she was feeling, and that it was okay if she didn’t reciprocate. By Thursday he was worried as she didn’t answer Yoongi’s calsl. On Sunday he messaged Mina asking if Minji was still even breathing.

Mina apologized on her behalf. Minji had gone home to her parents, she said, as she had ‘obligations’. Minji wasn’t answering her calls, or texts as well. By day 12, Yoongi was worried, he’d sent a final text to Minji asking her to please take care of herself, and at the very least let Mina know she was okay. Hours later he got a very excited voice message from Mina updating him that Minji sent her an emoji.

Two weeks to the day, Minji showed up on his doorstep. She looked relatively unharmed, except for the dark undereye circles from the possible lack of sleep. She walked in, silent. Yoongi asked her where she was, why didn’t she answer his texts or calls, was she okay? Minji didn’t answer any of his questions. They stood in silence. After a few moments Yoongi was begging Minji to please speak with him. She remained quiet. Yoongi went to his room, throwing whatever item was closest to him. He cried out in frustration wondering why they had gone back to square one. Had he not tried enough? Was he not trustworthy? Was it always going to be this way?

Minji entered his room, still wearing a blank look on her face. She kneeled in between his legs, looking down at his hands. Minji took them into hers, pulling him into an embrace. She kissed Yoongi’s knuckles and worked her way up his forearm and chest. She kept kissing up to his collarbone and neck, up until she met his lips. He sobbed into the kiss, relieved that Minji was finally responding to him. The kisses become more hurried, bordering on aggressive. Yoongi felt desperate and it showed. Clothes were tugged, and readjusted, until they were gone entirely.

The next morning Yoongi asked Minji the same questions, but she continued to have no answers. He then asked why she ran away two weeks ago, she still refused to answer. Yoongi begged her to please say something, anything. Minji stared at him, “What do you want me to say?”

He scoffed with indignation, he couldn’t believe it. “You ghosted Mina, and I. We would’ve filed a missing person’s report if it wasn’t for you telling her you had a family emergency. We were scared, Minji, I was scared, and all you can say is, ‘what do you want me to say’?”

“I don’t know, what do you want me to say,” she repeated.

“Of course you don’t know,” he murmured exasperated.

They spent hours talking in circles. By the end they had both raised their voices at each other, fighting and failing at getting their points across. In those moments, Yoongi realized he would never get anywhere with Minji. He was tired of arguing, tired of having to hunt Minji down when she isolated herself, tired of the shallowness of it all. “You know what, I don’t want to do this anymore,” he blurted out.

Minji gaped at him wide eyed. “I’m done,” Yoongi said. “I’m tired of fighting for the bare minimum Minj.” Even their breakup was unchallenged.

Minji agreed to the breakup. She dressed herself in the clothes she arrived in, packing up any small toiletries she’d left behind at Yoongi’s during her sleepovers.

In the end, she was gone in less than 10 minutes.

Minji cleared her throat once again, taking another big sip of her iced chai. “What exactly do we need to talk about,” she asked. “I want to see her, is that not enough?” Yoongi heard a small, ‘oh hell’, from the kitchen. Jin must’ve given Jimin the rundown.

“Well for one, hey how are you? I’m fine, thank you for asking,” Yoongi responded sarcastically. “I haven’t heard from you in 4 years, you could start by telling me, why? Why now?”

Minji sighed, “I know that it’s sudden, but.. It’s just that lately I’ve been thinking about things. My dad passed away two months ago, and my mom is god knows where. ‘Just turned 30, I kept thinking about my life in the past decade. I have a lot of regrets, and I was doubting myself. Was it the right decision, you know, having her. Was I right to keep away from her? A few months ago, Jungkook came up on my instagram explore page. It was a picture of him at the amusement park with Seokjin. I got curious so I clicked on his page.” She readjusted herself, leaning into the right handle of the sofa chair. “He’d grown up so much, and after scrolling through pictures of Seokjin and his son, and his friends, I saw you. I saw you with our daughter. You both looked so happy, playing with your friends, living your life freely. I wanted that. I wondered if we could be happy like that.”

Yoongi laughed in astonishment, he ran his tongue along the side of cheek, trying to stop himself from saying anything he’d regret. “That doesn’t answer my question; why now Minji? Why are you demanding to be a parent, when you never wanted to be one? The whole reason we’re like this is because you chose not to be in her life.”

Minji rebutted, “I did want to be a parent.”

“When,” Yoongi cried out incredulously. “You were going to abort, but couldn’t because you were too far along. I had to force you to leave your bed, wash your hair. My mom fed you, clothed you, made sure you drank water because you were essentially comatose. I’m still surprised you only had mild anemia from the lack of care you had for yourself.” He took a quick sip of his coffee to pace himself. Minji was starting to get agitated, but he could care less at this point. “It took me weeks to convince you to allow me sole custody of my daughter. For fucks sake, you drafted up the paperwork to terminate your rights, you had already signed them when it was sent to my lawyer for me to sign. I did everything possible to make sure you didn’t struggle, Minj.”

The distinct sound of plastic syrup bottles clinking and a responding ‘Ah fuck,’ cut Yoongi’s rant short. He called out to Jimin asking if he was okay, Jimin quickly responded with a firm ‘I’m good’. Minji slightly scoffed towards him, “Are you blaming me for all of this? I tried to be responsible, okay. You wouldn’t have understood how I felt if I told you.”

Yoongi could feel his eyes twitch in frustration. “Then tell me, I might’ve not fully understood, but at least I would’ve been there to support you.” He cradled his face in his hands, breathing slowly to put himself back together. “What do you want Minji? You didn’t want to be a mom, I understood, I supported you, and now you’re coming back demanding my daughter, my baby. Have you thought about how this is going to affect her? She doesn’t know you. Do you expect her to just accept you?”

Minji’s face was indiscernible, she looked to the side, as if organizing her thoughts. She turned back towards Yoongi, “Seeing as I am her mother, as long as she knows that she’ll be fine. Plus if I need help, mom can help me.”

He couldn’t believe it, “She’s not a puppy Minj, she needs to get to know you. Even I, being her father, have my moments with her. And what do you mean mom will help you? Are you talking about my mom? Have you been in contact with her?”

Minji readjusted herself, she was starting to become visibly uncomfortable. “I have. It’ll be a learning curve, but she’s willing to aid me in what I need.”

Yoongi had to calm himself down, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. “Are you trying to take my daughter away from me Minji? Is that it?” It was suddenly difficult to breathe, Yoongi was trying to catch his already quickening breath. He couldn’t focus on himself, all he could think about was Hani. “Min, Jimin,” he blurted out. Jimin ran from behind the counter, sliding, quite literally, in front of Yoongi.

Jimin pulled him to the side, away from Minji’s view. He guided Yoongi through his breathing exercises. “Yoon, you don’t have to do this. We can leave,” he whispered. Yoongi knew he was cracking at the seams. He couldn’t believe it. He shook his head, “No, Min I have to talk to her. I can’t.. I can’t let her take my baby Min, she’s all I have.” Jimin reluctantly allowed Yoongi to continue.

Yoongi took in a big breath, barely collecting himself to avoid crying in anger. As he sat back in his spot he could see a flicker of the Minji he knew. She was tucked into herself and unsure. She looked at him with those big eyes that once used to hold stars, and now he couldn’t make out what they held. “Are you okay,” she whispered. Those three words were what broke the dam. Yoongi let out the tears that he’d been holding back ever since he woke up to Minji’s texts. He cried and cried, and wondered when he’d ever stop. He kept thinking why wasn’t he enough.

Jimin walked over, handing him a tissue box and a reassuring pat on the shoulder. He whispered a small, ‘You can do this Yoon.’ It might’ve not been much, but it was the boost Yoongi needed. He collected himself once again, making sure to wipe any remnant of his small breakdown.

“Minj, please for once, be straightforward with me. What do you want? What are you looking for? Whatever it is, my daughter isn’t your bandaid to fix it. She’s a living, breathing human being, with feelings. Just because she’s a toddler, doesn’t mean she’s not complex. She’s observant and blunt, and will out right refuse to acknowledge you if she feels off about someone, “ he says desperately. “If you’ve been in contact with my mom, why didn’t you contact me? If you wanted to be a part of her life, I wouldn’t have stopped you if you tried Minji. But nothing you’re doing now is showing me that you’ve changed. You’re still that scared young girl that I could never reach. For fuck sakes you still refuse to answer me and communicate, and you can’t be that way when kids are involved. So please, show me you’re responsible. Be direct with me.”

She looked at him with a pained look, sniffling repeatedly to keep herself calm. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” Minji responded quietly.

Yoongi groaned loudly, “God, Minji, please don’t do this. Talk to me. I’m trying to meet you halfway, make the same effort to meet me, please.”

Minji wouldn’t speak, she started hiccupping under her breath. The last thing Yoongi wanted was for her to start crying. “I’m sorry Yoongi, I don’t know what to say.”

Yoongi rose from his seat, extremely frustrated. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. It was too much for him. Nothing made sense. Could Minji and his mother be working together to take Haneul from him? Have they been in contact for a long time? Who reached out first? Worst of all, how could his mother do this? He wondered if his dad knew, and why he hadn’t reached out to inform him if he did? Why was this happening? He just wanted to live his life with his daughter, and his friends peacefully. How was Hani going to feel having a stranger pushed onto her? Would they try to take his daughter away from him? He didn’t want to be here anymore. He wanted to be home with his daughter.

He picked up his coffee, lifting his hand signaling Jimin that they were leaving. “We’re not getting anywhere, so I’m leaving. I’m not going to talk in circles.” He took in a deep breath in an attempt to ease the weight on his chest.

Minji slightly scrambles out of her seat. She looked at him like she wanted to speak out, her face crumbling, she looked guilty almost. She grabbed her purse and drink, following Jimin and Yoongi towards the exit. She doesn’t leave immediately, watching as Jimin double checks that all the entrances were locked. She approaches Yoongi slightly, they look at each neither sure if they should say their goodbyes. For a moment Minji seemed to have worked up the courage to speak, but she quickly squashed it and sped off to what he assumed was her rental. Yoongi watches as she speeds away, a little reckless at that. He keeps watching until the car is no longer visible, and the weight on his shoulders is partially lifted.

Yoongi cried the entire way home. He asked Jimin to check if Hani was asleep or at least with ___, he didn’t want to scare her with how disheveled he was. ___ offered to keep the kids in her apartment for him to cool down. While he appreciated it, all he wanted was to hold his daughter.

He thanked his friends for looking after Haneul while he dealt with his current trainwreck. Hani snuggled into his hair, trying to find comfort in his smell. ___ had given Hani her nighttime bath, so it was one less thing Yoongi had to do tonight. He got out of the clothes he saw Minji, cleaned himself up, and got ready for bed. He made Hani a warm cup of milk, and prepped the right side of his bed for her to sleep in. He sprayed down her favorite lavender sleep spray, and turned on the soft star night light she loved. He read her a story, and played with her hair until she fell asleep. Yoongi cradled his daughter in his arms, and he thought back to the early days of her being a newborn.

In the midst of his insomnia, Yoongi remembered how terrified he was to be parenting alone, and would overthink every decision. He remembered how little he slept, and how often the doula would urge him to sleep, even if it was a small power nap. But between all that, the time he remembers most fondly is one of Hani’s worst colicky nights. The formula had been causing his newborn baby to build up gas, while his pediatrician changed the formula to something for sensitive stomachs, she was still colicky. He’d tried everything possible, but it just wouldn’t work. Until, one afternoon while giving Hani a little stretch recommended by the doula, she’d let out the gas that had been making her upset. Her little sigh of relief was music to Yoongi’s ears, and he almost cried texting Eunha the news. It was one of the first nights Yoongi was able to sleep more than 3 hours with Hani. He remembered thinking that all those sleepless nights had been worth it to comfort his daughter, and how he would’ve done it again.

Currently he looked down at Haneul, and saw how much she was growing up. She was no longer his baby, but a toddler. She no longer needed to cling to him, but chose to do so. She had opinions and had no qualms of letting them be known. She was bright, bubbly, and so creative. His daughter was his heart, and he had no idea why they wanted to take her away.

Tag List: @unicornbabylover @halesandy @supernoonanyc @aianloveseven @hannahdinse8 @lyndseygoregasmxo @aunoiire @brbkpop @nochuwastaken @tinyoonsblog @borahae-reads @jinscharms @phenomenalgirl9 @yoongiigolden @girlwithluv0613 @yaboiithewreck @mint--yoongs @ysljoon @hyunjingin @yu-justme @damn-u-min-yoongi @lovelytaes-blog @so-da-1 @cruelsummer-s @seolaquotes @lovelgirl22 @dreamamubarak @leanimal90 @atinymonbebestay @astudyoftimeywimeystuff @jaiuneamesolitaiire @proudbtsstanfightmebeach @bookoffracturedescapes @fairywriter-oracle

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yourlocalsonia2 · 4 months

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My shitty headcanons for Nicktoons unite

Drumroll please 🥁🥁🥁🥁

Jimmy Neutron

When the group first met, he was 13

His is currently 16 and the second youngest

he's also 5'7

He was kind of a bitch for most of their first adventure, but eventually became nicer to the group

His full name is James issac Neutron

there was a time when he convinced the group into thinking his last name was Newton but someone misspelled his name on his birth certificate

when he was 14 he gave himself cybernetic implants just in case he was ever in an emergency +he didn't tell anyone (this is inspired by choraa)

sometimes when he is alone he'll use the arms/implants doc ock style

the longest time he slept was 1 hour, 58 minutes and 26 seconds

he basically lives off of energy drinks and shit

he also is anemic (iron deficient) and he doesn't know

there are a lot of times when he doesn't have his ice cream looking hairstyle bc he doesn't have time to do it, or he'll just forget

after becoming friends with Nicktoons, he became a better person and treated Carl decently and people were scared (including Carl)

his main weapon is his inventions (think of whatever)

he knows 10+ languages (English. French, Spanish, German, Mandarin, Greek, Latin, Italian, Swedish and Dutch) and a few alien languages

he's gay and he thought he liked Cindy

even though he did date Cindy for a while, he did break up with her bc their relationship was falling apart (they were literally never meant to be. THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS GOING TO FAIL AT SOME POINT. THE BOAT WILL SINK)

Timmy Turner

Watch out y'all, I don't know shit about the Fairly Oddparents lore

His full name is Timothy Thomas Turner (haha t.t.t)

he is the shortest and the youngest of the group

he met the group when he was 12

he is currently 15 and 5'6 and a 1/2

he kinda thinks of Cosmo and Wanda as his parents and not just God parents

he has a normal sleep schedule but he is also narcoleptic

he has ADHD and doesn't take his meds out of spite (no one knows why lmao)

he is trans (ftm)

he is bisexual with a preference for men

he may or may not have had a crush on all the members (he got over all of them except for Jimmy)

his main weapon is gun(s) both Wanda and cosmo are guns (DUEL GUNS)

his other weapon would be a bat with nails

he has a hard time with schoolwork and is really stressed about school

Daniel Fenton / Danny Phantom

He is the second oldest and second tallest

he is currently 17 and 5'7

he was 14 when they first met

when the group first got together, he tried to hide Phantom's identity from them until SpongeBob told him that he knows

he can be very nice then very threatening in a snap

he tries not to sleep bc he has a lot of nightmares from his adventures

he is probably the most powerful in the group

him and SpongeBob have the ideal friendship

he makes a lot of puns and stupid references

he has anxiety

he has panic attacks not that often and it's kinda alarming for the rest of the group

he is a bit self sacrificial bc he is already half-dead

ON THE TOPIC OF HALF DEAD- he is not affected by stab wounds

his blood is green

he is planning for a day when Jimmy and Tucker meet up and they can be "science-y" together

he didn't tell anyone in his universe about his time with Nicktoons, one day they did come to see him and everyone was confused

he is very protective over the people he loves

there will be times where he'll throw up or have green goo leak from his eyes (tgs Henry Jekyll style)

his family is his parents, Jazz, Daniel (future him) and Dani (younger female clone)

SpongeBob / Bob

He is the oldest at 18

he first met them when he was 15 (yes, he was working then)

He is a shapeshifter.

His main two forms are his normal self (sponge) and his human form

he first met the group as a sponge and didn't tell them about his abilities and they found out bc one day he accidentally turned into a human in front of them and their reactions went like this

Jimmy: *shocked, wide eyed*

Timmy: *gaw dropped, flabbergasted*

Danny: oh my god....YOU GREW, SPONGEBOB!!

After that he would spend more time as a human

he is 5'9 as a human and 4'5 as a sponge

he has the fucking hammer as his weapon bc why not

he is "glue" of the group and kinda the mom too

he is strongest in the physical strength category (he's the type of guy to hug you but then pick you up and spin you like a parent would to a baby"

he is actually a good therapist and helping the others

he'll help Danny after or during his panic attacks, he will make Jimmy sleep for once and sometimes hide his energy drinks, he'll try his best to help Timmy with his schoolwork

he is a great cook and will make for the gang

he is overworked and underpaid (I love Mr. Krabs but please pay your workers the money they deserve)

he has ADHD and autism

he pays really good attention to the others and knows there's something worth in a snap (like if Danny had a nightmare the night before, SpongeBob will know the next morning bc of how Danny acts)

Shared

They've all seen the horrors

found family found family found family found family

they've all had a crush on at least one other member

during meals someone will tell stories of what happened in their world

they all split up after volcano island (they got back together bc of the third and fourth game) also it was still the main four during the other games (no extra side characters)

they had a split for a few years but SB brought them back together

they have this set of rules for their house

the house is in Jimmy's universe btw

Danny and Timmy both unironically got "shoo whap shoo whap ain't no lovin' my man" stuck in their heads

Jimmy's parents adore the group (not even knowing they are from other universes)

Timmy unironically calls Shirley his son and Jimmy caught on (SB and Danny are honorary uncles)

#nicktoons unite #Headcanons

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moonchildlix · 3 months

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TMNT PIA: Character introduction - Leonardo

While Leo isn’t the youngest brother in this iteration, he is however the smallest (5’1”) this is because this version of Leo is a box turtle, he/him pronouns (Transmasc) gay. Overall Leo is your typical 15 year old teenage boy with undiagnosed autism and is your generic superhero wannabe. However, this isn’t easy for Leo, being a box turtle he gets scared easily and is very anxious in the face of danger, often retracting into his shell whenever he feels this way, which leaves his brothers often questioning if Splinter was right to make Leo the team leader. Which has only resulted in Leonardo being more determined than ever to prove himself worthy of being the leader we all remember him being.

This version of Leo is very a combination of almost other version of the character ever written. He has 2012 and Mutant Mayhem Leo’s’ desire to be a hero and prove himself, 2003 Leo’s desire to keep his family safe, which has a tendency to blow up in his face due to his own arrogance and even Rise Leo’s overall cheerful, jokester nature and queerness while also having that classic honourable warrior trait that is typically seen with almost every other version of Leonardo.

Fun facts:

Leo is the team medic. He got absorbed into health care after accidentally injuring Mikey when he was 10, wanting to make sure that if any of his family ever got hurt, he could help.

He’s autistic. He’s obviously never been diagnosed professionally, but almost everyone he knows agrees that he’s autistic. Splinter had ignored a lot of the traits when he was younger, mainly because he didn’t fully understand mental health and neurodiversity back then. (But also because his kids were literally turtles and most of the traits he mainly wrote off as just being a turtle thing) But as his kids got older and Splinter found himself learning about neurodiversity and mental health, he realised that his third oldest son showed a lot of traits of autism. This traits mainly being anxiety, hyper empathy, attachment issues, hyperfixations, being really good at that one thing in particular (Ninjutsu) and a few others.

He’s transmasc. He began expressing that he was a boy not a girl from a very young age and insisted that his father and brothers refer to him as Leonardo or Leo instead of his dead name and refer to him as male terms, with male pronouns and let him dress like a boy too. Splinter initially thought this was just a phase and that Leo would eventually grow out of it, but he never did. But as the turtles grew he realised that Leo was actually hellbent on the fact that he was a boy so talked with him about it when he was 12. He is 100% sure he’s a boy and it is not something he was pressured into or anything.

When he was younger he used to steal Mikey’s superhero comics and would try to mimic the heroes’ movements and attacks. Because of this, Mikey joked that he should use his favourite blanket as a cape and Leo took it seriously.

Due to being much smaller and less noticeable than his brother, he’s the best at stealth and remaining unseen.

He’s lactose intolerant.

Since he’s a box turtle, he can’t swim very well (His shell is too heavy), he can swim just fine in shallow waters, and can hold his breath for up to 20 minutes, but struggles in much deeper water.

When it came down to picking out a voice for Leo, I knew I wanted him to have a female voice actor, because I wanted him to sound younger than his brothers, reflecting his personality and character arc of proving himself, and for that I picked Brenda Song, who happens to be one of those voice actors who has a very wide range of voices she can pull off, one of these voices being Anne Boonchuy from Amphibia, this being the exact voice I imagine the character sounding like

#Spotify #teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles fan iteration #teenage mutant ninja turtles punks in action #tmnt #tmnt fan iteration #tmnt pia #teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Leonardo

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okayigetitifuckedup · 4 months

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Hey so I’m gonna make a general post about my mental health because I’m at my wits end and will literally try anything at this point. Snake oil or not! If you recognize these symptoms or have any ideas on how to help them, please do let me know. General trigger warning for health stuff, but if you’re willing to read and help with literally anything- im just looking for help. Whatever that means to you, lol.

I have anxiety, and agoraphobia. Both diagnosed by my doctor. I have taken lexapro, Zoloft, and two others, neither of which helped the anxiety at all, and the side effects were actually terrible. I am looking to go on a new medicine so we will see what happens.

On NYE, my roommates and I went out to the Dollar Store, intending to pick up snacks. Unfortunately, the moment I stepped through the door of the building my chest began to tighten, very very quickly. I felt as if my ribs, directly beneath my breasts, were confined in stone, taking a full breath make it feel as though my body was begging to stop forcing the muscles out of their tightened position. A woman in an aisle looked at me in a way I took as aggressive (one of my biggest fears/reasons for my agoraphobia is that I have an irrational fear of being attacked by strangers), and after the look, I lasted another three minutes before I literally collapsed to the floor. After that I went outside, unable to handle humiliating myself further. In the car, I tried, desperately, to force the muscles to release, stretching at times, trying the “mindful relaxation” thing, and anything else I could think of. Nothing worked. Then, as the pain continued to worsen, I got nauseous, throwing up in the grass twice because I was in too much pain to try to make it back inside.

The pain had begun to spread up to my sternum, then straight back to between my shoulder blades, all of them feeling so tight it brought tears to my eyes. Around this time is when the sense of doom started. I had never experienced a chill through my body like that, that made me panic all over again, literally praying not to die. I have not spoken to a god in years, and let me tell you, I never thought I would again, but pain makes you do funny things.

Now. I understand that many of you may think that this doesn’t at all sound like a panic attack, maybe a heart attack or something- but the moment we were driving back home, in a dark car with only me and my roomies? My back loosened up almost immediately, though my chest took her time. I have been having an incredibly rough time. The pain was entirely gone by the time we make the 10-15 minute drive back.

On top of all that, I’ve lost 60lbs in around 3 months, because I have been in such a bad place mentally, already. I need to get this under control, I have been unemployed since September, and I need a job, at this rate, or any rate.

#mental health #mental illness #someone help #please help #send help #help #agoraphobia #anxiety #panic attack #pls help

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boomandblehhhh · 11 months

Text

Hello

I'm going through the worst breakup of my life, and this blog is only my daily update to get over it.

Day 1 wasn't recorded coz i was unable to stop crying and making sense of it. Just to give a background, I'm 23 (F) and he's 29 (M). We met in University and quickly hit it off. I had just gotten out of a very toxic relationship and was still dealing with it and trying to make sense when we met and started falling in love. Things were perfect with him and i don't think it has ever been better. Here i am,8 months later because it was only casual and also with a time limit. He's going to marry soon. I still have a few years. We've decided to stay friends and continue to be honest with each other.

How do you see someone who you so passionately love, fall in love with someone else?

How do you move on when they're right there?

Day 2:

It started out with a panic attack. I went over to his place last night for some work and ended up hooking up. I woke up with a lot of anxiety that he would abandon me. So much that i puked and had hot flushes. I called him at work and told him to reassure me about it.

The day went okay, with my work going on and me taking some time out for myself. I met a friend from a class i had taken and it felt good.

Finally, it was time to see him. We went to the gym together and he seemed off. Maybe tired? Not sure.

I then went out for dinner with my friend's family and called him when i got home. He was busy sending some email. Said he would call back and he did. I spoke to him for about 10 mins before he said he needed his time, and was very mean and rude about it. I'm going to get my periods in 3 days, i am emotional and i am sensitive. I can't handle this right now and i literally begged him to stay and speak to me for just 5 minutes. Again, shut me out. I called him back after a bit and again, shut out. I cried and then texted him that I'm sorry and will be more in check of my behaviour.

My feelings:

It's just day 2, i don't know why he's expecting me to be so normal and calm and like usual. I'm trying I'm genuinely trying so hard but i don't have the emotional security anymore and so i don't really know what to do. I know i will figure it out but i just need some time and not rudeness from him.

I think i know what i should do, i should have a similar fear in my head of letting him go as my friend like i feel for my other friends and then behave with those boundaries. I think that should help. I hope he forgives me for my behaviour today. I really hope. I also hope nothing works out between him and that girl in his office. Any other girl would be okay but i can't be okay with that one person. As petty as it sounds.

Conclusion:

I'm going to write everything here, in case anyone ever bothers to read it. My feelings might be too much for someone or i might be a little too stupid for someone, but this is who i am and this is why I'm here. I don't need the judgement and i don't need anything else.

If there's anyone going through something similar, i hope you find solace in the fact that there's someone out there who's going through the same thing as you are.

Through this writing, i hope to go back in 15-20 days and then see how much I've moved on and how I've saved my friendship with him. To show the world that yes you can be good friends with your exes. To set the new norm.

I love you guys, and I'll try to be as honest as i can about my day, and also try to look at things positively. I have a feeling Tumblr is going to make me feel so much better.

If anyone's reading this, be strong. You got this. You're stronger than you think and believe and you shall definitely overcome this. You're not alone.

Good night!

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enrapture · 1 year

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I’m sorry about your mum, is there anything else you wanna share about her? Feel free to ignore im not trying to make you uncomfy but it makes me feel better to relive happy times with my lost loved one when I’m grieving 🖤

Eh mine and her relationship was rocky and not all the greatest but we used to ride everywhere together and I used to always make her laugh. I’d be the most obnoxious kid lol when moments were good. We (a friend of mine and me) hot boxed a car once when I used to smoke. She was in the backseat and couldn’t figure out how to open the door for 15 minutes it was the most hilarious shit. I got my license a few years ago and she was so so proud of me with tears in her eyes. I used to back my ass up on her to annoy the shit out of her and say the weirdest shit just to get her to laugh.. just the way she surprised me with rice crispy treats randomly like lit up my whole world because she isn’t known to bake like that after her mom past many years ago it broke the family up but the fact that she surprised me with that a few times out of her own free will really made me smile so much. She would call me everyday pretty often just to talk and see what I’m up to. Literally called me everyday just to talk about random stuff. Ask about life etc… it really made a huge difference when she passed and hit super super hard for me because I had to plan everything when my siblings wouldn’t at all. (I’m the youngest) and it was just a lot… let me tell you. Still is sometimes. But yeah it really did put things in perspective when I didn’t have her to talk to anymore. I don’t have friends that just hit me up the way she did…. And it really like made me feel so alone in the worst way. No matter how bad things were between us we still loved one another and wanted to make sure we were good and check up and just talk for hours…whenever I would have anxiety/panic attacks she’d help me distract me with walking around the house and help me be okay again if from a distance she’d talk with me until I’d fall asleep and stay on video chat til she knew I was okay… always called me “my pretty girl.” And always abbreviated my name to “Kai” and yeah…. Just little things Iike that. I miss a lot.

#anon

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yaysandnays · 1 year

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recovering documentation

this blog is another branch off of @ohmygodletmesignup (the other one being @amethyst-beetle ). i made this blog to document my process of recovering. i suppose this post will be my little introduction.

TW for mental illness, sh, and su!c!dal thoughts discussion

hi. i'm Calisto (Cal) or Beetle (Bee). i'm 16 years old and writing this on 4/2/2023 (or on april third if you give me a few more minutes). i'm currently trying to recover from depression, anxiety, and what i've been told is likely ptsd. i'm going to give an extremely watered down version of how i ended up with all those.

---------------

basically, before 7th grade started (i was 12ish), my mom, sister, and i moved to a whole new place bc of a job offer my mom got. that meant i had to start a new school, and the only good schools in the area were private catholic schools. so i went to one. now i was raised some flavor of christian, so catholisim wasn't too bad for me (at first). but everything quickly went downhill.

i made one extremely toxic friend after two weeks of extreme anxiety, and she didnt help my mental health in the least. after about a year with her, i was constantly on the verge of having panic attacks. literally every single day.

then, in 8th grade, my school made an openly homophobic move. i was questioning my sexuality at the time, and this didnt help.

finally, at the end of 9th grade, we moved back to our old town where we still live today. i was 15.

finally i could actually be openly transgender (trans guy, he/him) and bisexual for the first time ever. my anxiety and depression disappeared so quickly it was shocking. but some things stuck, things i didnt even know.

it was mild at first- and i didnt even know anything was wrong. sometimes i would be walking down the hall of my new school and see someone who looked similar to someone at my old school. it would make me question things, and i wouldnt be able to figure out where i was. it was a pretty easy fix though, just a few minutes and i'd be fine.

then it got so much worse.

i was in choir, and it's a tradition we sing hallelujah every year (though since it was my first year there, i didn't know lol). so our director gives us the music, and just reading the words makes me start to bounce my leg (something that means im either energetic or anxious). then we started singing. and i couldn't handle it.

i started shaking, a lot, and i had to tell the director whilst on the verge of tears that i couldnt do it. he excused me and i spent the rest of class in another room just trying to calm myself down.

'you're safe' 'you're ok' 'you're safe i promise' is what i told myself over and over and over again.

during the concert when we got to that song, i was excused.

then my mom tried taking my sister and i to a christmas mass a few weeks later. i lasted five minutes before i had to go to the bathroom where i spent the rest of the hour sobbing through a panic attack, trying to convince myself i was ok.

----------------------------

TLDR: catholic school, toxic friend, religious trauma

so that's what happened, now here's where i am.

i haven't hurt myself in over a year, maybe two now, and it's been at least a year since i've had a suicidal thought. i've found a lot of my triggers and can avoid them too, which is nice. i havent had a relgious trauma fueled panic attack in a while. i also have a therapist who listens to me.

i think it's also important i set some goals for myself too. and i think two are good for now.

write a post when i get unstable so i dont do anything bad

update this blog at least once every two weeks

i also want to make this blog for people going through the same things im going through now or went through. i promise it'll get better, and we can do it together.

#ptsd #mental health #another blog #vent kinda #tw #tw sh #tw su1cide #tw ptsd #religous trauma #we'll be okay #it gets better #tw anxiety #anxiety #tw depression #depression

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

Note

just a wittle request, could you do something where bucky comforts the reader who has mommy issues after she has a panic attack over the thought of turning out like her mother?

Hi there, sorry this took so long! I still haven’t processed my own so I had to take a few breaks. I apologize if this is off the path of what you meant, I’m going off of my own experience but I know it’s different for everyone.

You're nothing like her.

Bucky x reader

Word count: 3219

Warnings: mommy issues, toxic childhood, talk of divorce, panic attack/anxiety, negative self-talk

A/N: This takes place in a timeline where Bucky is retired

-------------

You did everything you could to avoid it. To avoid her

You left home as soon as you could. When you were in college you were surrounded by people who were homesick, people who wanted to go home, people who finally had to take care of themselves. Things you couldn’t relate to.

You had been supporting yourself most of your life. Not that you had much of a choice. Your dad left when you were younger, your mother blaming it on you. If you had been better, maybe he wouldn’t have left. You, being young, believed her. What else were you supposed to do, growing up in a world that preaches ‘mother knows best’?

Load of bullshit to you.

You knew better now, being an adult, that she didn’t know best. She worked or went out with friends and left you to raise yourself, telling you it was your fault when she neglected her responsibilities. And when you would get upset she would play the victim, crying ‘woe is me’ because you were so ungrateful to the person who raised you after you drove her husband out.

“You know it’s your fault right?” she had snapped at you one night at dinner. There was a graded paper, a B written on the top of it.

“What?”

“You’re the reason he left me. He just couldn’t stand you. You’re the reason why he left and why I’m so miserable now.”

You had felt tears in your eyes.

“Tears, really? Tears aren't going to change the fact that MY husband LEFT.”

Her husband, not your father.

No, you knew better now to know that what she had done and said was wrong. But that didn’t make you forget. It didn’t make it any easier for you.

You went to college, saved up as much as you could, and gave tight-lipped smiles when people asked why you didn’t go home on weekends or vacations. You tried not to talk about her much, but that didn’t stop you from thinking about her.

You had stood at your college graduation, caps thrown and loud laughs and cheers echoing around. There were a bunch of people celebrating around you, taking photos, but you had stood on the outskirts. You had a small smile on your face for everyone else, but you couldn’t help but feel empty inside. You hadn’t made many friends, not close friends, but that was a good thing. You could take the photo so no one was left out.

Not so much of a text from her. She hadn’t come, she hadn’t called or anything.

In a twisted way, you were glad that she hadn’t. She couldn’t make a big deal about how you weren’t the top of your class or how you didn’t deserve to be. How you didn’t have a job set up to start the next week even though you already were planning on submitting your resumes. There wasn’t a way to please her, so it was almost better that she wasn’t there.

You had texted her after a few days and she made up some bullshit excuse that she had forgotten to put it on the calendar.

She liked your Instagram photo though. So thoughtful

You worried you would turn out the same way. Or that she had rubbed off on you in some way. You kept to yourself as much as you could, staying in, keeping your emotions to yourself. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust people, maybe it was, but more so you were worried that you would seem like you were playing the victim.

You didn’t want to bother anyone or make anyone feel obligated to listen to you. You worried that behind your back they would complain about you being emotional or making everything about you.

You worried they would talk about you the same way you thought about your mother.

People are supposed to look to their parents to teach them what to be, yet you found yourself wanting to avoid everything your parents did to you. They taught you exactly who you didn’t want to be.

Your father left. Your mother hated you.

You didn’t share your opinions because you didn’t want to be told you were wrong. You didn’t want to force your ideas onto anyone. Not like what you said would make a difference anyway, not that it mattered in the first place.

You remembered all of the sentences you would start but not finish because no one had heard you. Trying to jump in a few times and eventually giving up when the conversation had moved onto a new subject. All the times people would interrupt or interject, making you feel like you didn’t have something to say that was worth hearing.

You thought it would get better when you got a job. But the pressure you put on yourself to do well in school was transferred to the job you had gotten. You still were afraid that people saw yourself as your mom used to and that you would never be good enough for anyone. You thought that achievements would make you feel fulfilled.

But if you didn’t believe in yourself, what were a few “job well done's” supposed to do?

It made it hard to get into a relationship. People say that “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” but that didn’t feel so true to you. It was more that you didn’t trust yourself to love someone else. You worried about hurting whoever you were with, and you told yourself that if you didn’t get close to anyone, you couldn’t hurt them.

But then you ran into him.

He was on a morning run and you were walking home from a night shift, both too tired to see each other coming. You because you had just finished a shift, him because he was running off the nightmare he had had the night previous. Both of you craving a sleep that seemed just out of reach.

You were very apologetic, as was he, both afraid that you had hurt the other. You avoided his eyes even though they were trained anywhere but your own, as he fiddled with his gloved hands and you scratched the back of your neck.

It was the first time either of you had seen someone as unsure as yourselves

You had parted ways with only each other's names. Bucky and y/n.

The two of you crossed paths a few times in the following weeks, eventually getting each other’s phone numbers and agreeing to meet for coffee rather than hoping the other left at the right time. Eventually, the subtle nervous tics each of you had died down as you got to know each other.

For the most part.

You still overly apologized for everything. If you were a few minutes late, if you spaced out...you took the blame for everything.

Traffic had been bad, a storm and an accident causing you to be 5 minutes late rather than 15 minutes early. You had run into the coffee shop, scanning the restaurant with wide eyes when you saw Bucky sitting there casually.

“I am so so so sorry, I should’ve left earlier, there was an accident, I’m so sorry I’m late -”

“Y/n, don’t worry about it,” he had said, a smile on his face and a slight flash of concern on his face. “Seriously, it’s a couple of minutes. It’s literally fine.”

“No, I’m really sorry, I should’ve known or called or something.”

“Relax. It’s totally fine, I promise,” he had said, concern a little more present on his face. “Are you okay though?”

“What? Yeah, I’m good. How have you been with everything?

You wouldn’t let him talk about you. The same way your mother never let you talk about yourself.

Don’t think about her.

He had started opening up to you but you still kept your personal life under lock and key. Your name, how work was, and your physical well-being was about as personal as you got. Even so, if work had been a shit show or you had to pull an all-nighter would go unspoken. He didn’t need the burden of your personal issues. Not when there was nothing he could do about it.

The past was the past, you just had to learn how to get over yourself.

You couldn’t change what your mother had said over a decade ago.

You worried if you talked about yourself at all then you would be making the situation about you. You worried you would project your anger or sadness onto him. He didn’t deserve that. Plus, it wasn’t like he would be able to do anything, right?

You promised yourself you wouldn’t let him get too close. That if he didn’t get close to you, you couldn’t hurt him.

But damn, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t start developing feelings for him. And from the way he had started acting, you thought maybe he was too.

The hugs that were ever so slightly too tight or when he smiled at you a little longer than normal. He had opened up to you about many things in his past, and from the way he talked about it, you could tell he hadn’t talked about it much with anyone else.

You found comfort in your friendship, the way he trusted you. You liked being there for him, and you were honored that he trusted you enough to open up to you. Yet it also made you uneasy that you would ruin it in some way or drive him out.

The same way your mom drove out your father.

Goddamn it don’t think about her.

The closer you got and the closer you and Bucky had gotten, the more nervous you were. That you would turn out like your mother. You were having a harder time keeping to yourself, keeping up the façade that everything was all bright in your world. You wanted to be a light for everyone.

But at some point, days turn to nights and the light gives way to the darkness.

And you weren’t sure how much time you had left before you cracked.

Bucky had started making small moves towards you, and you were trying your best to deflect them in efforts to not fall flat on your face for him. He came over Wednesday nights for a movie and take out with you, and what started as being on two opposite ends of the couch had moved to being next to each other to him having his arm wrapped around you. Sometimes you felt he was a little too close and you would either shift away or get up to grab another drink or ‘use the bathroom’.

When you came back you would make an attempt to sit a bit further away.

Sometimes when Bucky would say goodbye at the end of the night he would hug you. That was nothing new, you were both big on hugs, but lately, he had been hugging you longer or tighter, lingering a few moments longer than could be platonic. You had started ending the hugs earlier, giving him a small squeeze before pulling away.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be with Bucky. It was that you were so scared that you would drive him away, leaving you as soon as you had started calling yourself his.

Which is what brought you here. Bucky had come over for another one of your movie nights and had his arm behind the couch rather than around you. An invitation for you to curl into his side, but he wanted you to make that choice. Eventually, you had found yourself curled up with him, his arm wrapped around you, and you could feel the tension.

You wanted to move away before you found yourself in too deep, but you couldn’t resist. It had been a long day and you found comfort with Bucky. Bucky turned his face slightly towards yours, kissing the side of your temple and you felt butterflies in your stomach. Your mind told you to shift away, to not let him get too close, but you found yourself turning your head towards Bucky and he leaned forward to kiss you gently.

After a moment you broke away, emotion taking over you. “I’m sorry, Bucky, I - I can’t do this,” you said, resting your forehead against his.

“Why not?” Bucky whispered, looking into your eyes.

Because I’ll hurt you.

I’ll disappoint you.

I’ll drive you away and I can’t lose the best thing that’s happened to me.

You sighed, standing up and moving away from Bucky. You couldn’t say those things to him out loud. Not without the entire story. And you weren’t ready to share all of that with him.

Bucky stood up with you, afraid he had just ruined the friendship or whatever relationship he had with you. “Y/n, wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

You had already left the room and couldn’t really hear him over the sound of your thoughts.

This wasn’t supposed to happen

I wasn’t supposed to let this happen

How could I be so stupid?

You were feeling tears in your eyes and Bucky followed you, afraid of what he did. Your breathing was picking up and you had started mumbling some of these things to yourself.

“Y/n, what’s happening, what did I do?”

You shook your head “You didn’t do anything, but I need you to leave, please,” you said, trying to hide your emotions. You hated being like this.

“I’m not going anywhere y/n, just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Get the fuck out of here Bucky! I don’t want your help!” you snapped suddenly, Bucky looking taken aback before your eyes widened.

“Oh god…”

You shook your head and started crying harder, stumbling over your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t mean to yell, I’m so sorry Bucky please don’t leave I'm so sorry.”

Bucky came forward and hugged you gently and you cried into his shirt. He whispered comforting words into your ear as you tried to breathe, embarrassed at how vulnerable you were being.

Bucky kept his breathing slow and even, trying to get you to match him. He had no idea what was happening but he knew he needed you to calm down before he asked. Whatever it was had to be something deep, and you weren’t in the space to talk about it right now.

He brought you over to sit on the corner of your bed, still hugging you as you cried. You were mumbling out apology after apology but Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He kept hugging you, telling you that he wasn’t going anywhere and that you were safe. He had never seen you so upset, or upset at all to begin with.

After you had calmed down a bit, Bucky asked you again what had happened. You shook your head, not knowing what to say.

“I’ve opened up about so many things to you, right?” he pulled back to look at you.

You nodded slightly.

“And you’ve never judged me for any of it.”

You shook your head this time.

“Then why can’t you let me do the same for you?”

You took a deep breath, fiddling with your hands. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” you said, not meeting his eyes.

Bucky drew his eyebrows together, still confused. “Y/n, you’ve been the nicest person I’ve ever met. How would you hurt me?”

You were already shaking your head. “No, see, that’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna be nice and sweet and...and I’m gonna fall in love with you, and you’re gonna fall in love with me. A-and then I’m gonna let you down over and over again and snap at you for things that aren’t your fault and...and you’ll get sick of it and leave and I’m going to hate myself for it, okay?”

“Hey, hey, slow down,” Bucky held your shoulders as they started shaking. You brought a hand to cover your mouth, Bucky hushing you again. “What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”

You took a shaky breath as you ran a hand over your face. “I’m just like her, Bucky. I told myself I would never let myself be like her…”

“Like who?” Bucky asked, blood already boiling at who made you feel like this.

Her.

You weren’t supposed to think about her.

You promised yourself.

“Y/n, stay with me here,” he said, guiding your face back to look at him. “Who?”

“My mother.”

Bucky looked at you for a moment. “What?”

“You know, mothers bring you into the world. They say a mother knows when something is wrong with their kid, that babies are put on their mother’s chest because the skin-to-skin contact starts the bonding process. They’re supposed to protect you, and love you, and take care of you. But then you start to get older and it’s your fault that you were born when you didn’t ask, or your dad left and it’s your fault before you even knew he was gone. All I wanted was to be told what to do and all she would do is tell me what I did wrong. I can’t be like her and the older I get the more scared I am that I’m going to hurt everyone the way that she hurt my father and me.”

You had started crying again as Bucky looked at you, both broken-hearted and furious that someone would make you feel this way. Not to mention it was your own mother.

You took another shaky breath. “I thought the world of her when I was younger. And she barely even gave me the time of day. I keep telling myself that I’m not what she thought of me, but what if I am?” you shook your head again. “And I am so scared that I’m just like her.”

“Y/n, look at me, I need you to look at me when I say this, okay?” he cupped your face with both hands, wiping away your tears with the pads of his thumbs as he looked into your eyes. “You are nothing like your mother.”

You let out a small sob. “You don’t know her.”

“I don’t need to,” he said firmly. “You are kind and gentle. You work hard and you make sure that everyone is taken care of before you even consider yourself. You aren’t going to scare me away or hurt me.” He wiped fresh tears from your eyes. “You are your own person, your mother has no say in who you get to be. Who you are. You are not your mother, and you never will be.” he said, still holding your gaze.

You held his gaze a little longer, knowing he believed what he was saying. You didn’t, not quite yet, but maybe if he believed in you, you could too. You nodded slightly, giving him the smallest of smiles. “Thank you.”

Bucky returned the small smile. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too,” you said, smiling.

You meant it, and you knew he did too. And maybe one day, you would love who you’d become too.

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tags: @babydaddy-buckybarnes @buckys-blue-eyes @buckys2thicc @broadwaybabe18 @peggycarter-steverogers @im-sick-of-failing @barnesplums @bucks-bunny @mardema @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @thatfangirl42 @strawberrimae @sup--ernova

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mochegato · 3 years

Text

Even the Losers

Chapter 15

Chapter 1 Chapter 14

Possible trigger warning. I mention that sexual assault and worse has happened during some akuma attacks. I don’t describe anything or say who it happened to (it didn’t happen to anyone we know) but wanted to warn readers that it is brought up.

This room really was a ridiculous room, Marinette decided. The dining table was large enough to seat twenty. Who needed a casual dining table that large? Honestly. Not to mention, a dining table that large meant there was more than enough room for Alfred to join them, but he never did.

And bringing the food out on silver trays. Did they do that just because she was here? She kind of hoped it was because the idea of doing it everyday… She looked over to Adrien to roll her eyes at the opulence, but he just went with it like it was completely expected. Marinette shook her head. Damn rich people. She looked up just in time to catch Duke’s eyes. He looked at the silver trays with a pointed look and rolled his eyes. Marinette giggled and nodded back.

“I forgot to ask the other day,” Dick started with a disarming smile. “How did you two meet and when?”

And there it was again. A perfectly normal question. A very common question. A question they would expect to be asked. But there was something off in the way he asked it. Something that just triggered her senses. She could feel a difference in it, like its very existence disrupted the peace of the dinner.

Adrien looked over at her with a broad smile and nodded to her, letting her know she was supposed to answer it. She plastered on a friendly smile. “We met in school, actually.”

“Oh? Maternelle or older?” Dick smiled again, his face perfectly emulating interest in his sister’s friend. Markov would never be able to tell the difference. But Marinette could. He was fishing. She just didn’t know what he was fishing for.

“Older,” she answered curtly.

Dick seemed to get the message that she was not happy and backed off, metaphorically and literally, leaning away from them in his chair. His smooth smile morphed into a mock frown. “Oh that’s a shame. I was hoping for stories or pictures of baby Marinette.”

“Oh, baby Mari was adorable,” Adrien gushed, with a teasing grin to Marinette.

Tim quirked his head to the side. “I thought you said you two didn’t meet until you were older.”

Adrien’s grin widened. “We didn’t. Not until we were in collège and she yelled at me for something I didn’t do.”

“I didn’t yell at you,” Marinette objected in mock offense, slapping his arm. “I informed you that you were a contemptible dirtbag in a harsh tone.”

Jason barked a laugh. “Right, big difference.”

Marinette whirled on him, her serious expression contradicted by her lips trying to quirk up at the corners at his teasing. “There is! It was a quietly harsh tone. There was no yelling.” She turned back to Adrien. “And I apologized for that.”

“Yeah, like years later and not because you wanted to,” he rolled his eyes.

“Only because I couldn’t really talk to you for, like, ever after that,” she groused playfully. She pushed her food around on her plate with a pout.

“Apologies are hard,” Cass nodded in agreement.

Marinette beamed at her. “Yes. Thank you, Cass. See,” she motioned to Cass so Adrien would look, “Cass has my back. She agrees.”

“With what?” Duke laughed.

“Your input is not needed!” Marinette chastised him, trying hard not to laugh. But when Duke cracked up and started laughing hard enough to have him gasping for breath, so did Marinette.

“Okay but…” Tim started after they’d had enough time to recover.

“Oh, right!” Adrien shook his head. “There was an akuma that de-aged people. A mom sad her son was going off to university, so her power was to turn everyone into toddlers again. Marinette got hit pushing me out of the way of the beam. She turned into the cutest, pudgiest, little toddler you’ve ever seen.”

Marinette batted his hands away when he leaned over to pinch her cheeks. He chuckled at Marinette’s pout. “I hated that one. I felt so helpless,” she moaned.

“I loved it,” Adrien smiled. “I got to see all of you guys as babies. Most of you guys knew each other since childhood so you knew what each other looked like. Alya and I were the odd ones out. Plus, no pain.” He looked back to the rest of the family. “That was rare; an akuma that didn’t cause massive amounts of pain or trauma.”

“Were they that bad?” Duke asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer he was going to get back. He had purposefully not looked too hard into akumas precisely because he was afraid of the answer.

Marinette stared intently at her plate in thought, trying to condense the experience into light, dinner topic worthy descriptions because she desperately did not want to discuss akumas tonight… or ever again. The very thought caused shivers down her spine. “They were… most weren’t… didn’t affect…” Her words got cut off as her body froze with realization. Her face scrunched up in pain and she gasped after not having breathed for the last few seconds. She suddenly pushed away from the table and stood up. “I think… I need to leave.”

Bruce stood up at the same time and reached out for her. “Marinette are you okay?” His concern amped up when Cass stood up as well and frowned with concern.

Adrien got to her quicker, gently laying his hands on her arms. “Hey, we don’t have to talk about it. We can talk about something else. You talked with M. Fox this morning, right? We can talk about that.”

Marinette shook her head. “I can’t…” she couldn’t finish her sentence, her breath was becoming more ragged the longer she stood there.

“Way to go, Timmy,” Jason groused.

“I didn’t do this!” Tim objected motioning toward Marinette and standing up too. He wasn’t exactly sure what standing up was supposed to accomplish. She didn’t know him and definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with him trying to comfort her. It was more of a show of support. Whatever was going on, he didn’t want to stay sitting like it was nothing.

She looked toward Bruce, her eyes slightly glazed over. “You… you knew. You knew about what happened when I was fourteen… and fifteen… and sixteen. You said you checked in on me frequently, so there’s no way you didn’t know. You knew and you just… rather than admit I was…” She looked down at the floor, her face scrunching further as she tried to reconcile the new information. She backed away more and shook her head, no longer really hearing anything in the room, including Adrien’s loud gasp of realization. “I… I can’t… be here. I have to… I need time to…”

She turned and rushed through the door before anyone could stop her. She could feel herself shutting down and she needed to stop it. She knew she needed to stop letting herself turn numb. She gritted her teeth as her frustration with herself increased. Why couldn’t she just react normally? Nobody else on her team did this. None of their friends reacted this way anymore. What was wrong with her that she did?

And she had to do it there, in front of everyone. She had to do it in front of him. Why couldn’t she hold it together for one freaking dinner? She’s gone through worse. Why couldn’t she just have DEALT with it, like an adult? Now she probably ruined the start of their relationship. He was probably going to hate her. He didn’t want to know about that stuff. He didn’t want to deal with those kinds of problems. Those were her issues, not his.

He wanted a daughter for the press, not a hot mess of insecurities and anxiety. He wanted a happy, light, cheery child. That’s why he sent her away, so that’s who she would become. That’s probably why Dick was trying to ask all those questions, so they could know just what kind of a broken, messed up, embarrassment of a disaster they were taking on with her. They needed to know what to prepare for when the press started getting involved.

Back in the dining room, Jason had gone from laughing, to confused, to concerned, to fucking pissed in a matter of seconds. “What did she go through?” Jason asked through gritted teeth.

Adrien glared at Bruce waiting for him to answer the question. Bruce looked down dejectedly and Adrien scoffed. He didn’t bother ripping his glare away from Bruce when he answered for him. “She means Hawkmoth. She means M. Wayne knew what Hawkmoth was doing and let her stay there when he could have pulled her out at any time. She means he let her stay and get tormented rather than admit she was his daughter.”

“That is not why I didn’t pull her out of Paris,” Bruce insisted weakly.

“I thought the damage done by Hawkmoth was all reversed,” Duke offered.

“Oh, the physical damage was reversed, but the psychological wasn’t. The memories weren’t. Hawkmoth used people’s negative emotions to turn them into monsters, AS YOU KNOW,” he snarled at Bruce. “For years, if you had a bad day, if you got sad, if you grieved, you could end up killing or torturing or raping someone, maybe someone you cared about, maybe someone you loved, maybe more than one.

“Didn’t even have to be something big it could just be… my best friend got akumatized because my father said he couldn’t throw me a party for my birthday. A kid Marinette babysat got akumatized because her mother took away a toy that wasn’t hers, it was Marinette’s actually, so she felt responsible for getting Manon akumatized. Marinette’s best friends, five of them at once, got akumatized because she didn’t want to tell them something private. Like that didn’t wrack her with guilt for years. It didn’t take much to turn you into a nightmare. In fact, one little kid got akumatized several times because he had a nightmare. All it took was one moment of feeling down. If you were lucky, really lucky, you just… stopped feeling… anything.”

Everyone was silent for a few minutes. Adrien’s glare never wavered the entire time. Finally Dick spoke up softly. “And was Marinette… lucky.”

Adrien sneered at Bruce, “Oh, Marinette was very lucky. She only got tortured a few times… per month. She only lost a few limbs. She only got targeted most of the time. She only died four or five times, that she remembers, the actual number is significantly higher. All despite my father targeting her specifically. You know, nothing worth too much concern. She only watched the people she loved get tortured, screaming for her in agony before they died painful deaths a handful of times. She only sometimes still goes completely numb rather than feel things. Not even just bad things, good things too. If it’s too much, she shuts down so she doesn’t expose herself, so Hawkmoth can’t get her, because we needed her. It’s automatic. It’s subconscious. It’s been five years and she still has to fight the instant reaction.”

Bruce finally spoke up apprehensively. God, he really, really didn’t want to know the answer to his next question, but at the same time, he needed to know. “You mentioned akumas could kill, torture, rape… You said Marinette had been tortured and killed. Was she ever…”

Adrien’s face scrunched up in anger and frustration. “You don’t get to ask that,” he screamed. “You didn’t care then, you don’t get to pretend like you care now. You want an answer to your question, you’ll have to ask her yourself, if you have the balls for it. Personally, I don’t think you do. So use your imagination. I guarantee anything you can imagine, can’t even come close to the things she had to live through.”

He looked down for a moment to try to collect himself. When he looked back up it was an icy, coldness that made Tim collapse back into his chair. “So now you need to stop lying to her that you always loved her, you cared at all.”

Damian growled and lunged forward in his chair. “You can’t tell him what he feels. You don’t get to say how he treats one of his children. You aren’t a part of this family.”

Adrien turned his icy glare to Damian. “And she is? Holding her at arm’s length? Keeping her at a distance? Not letting her get too close? Randomly freezing up around her. Keeping family secrets from her. Clamming up as soon as she’s nearby. Sending each other secret looks over her head when you think she won’t see. She’s not stupid. She sees what you’re doing, what you’re all doing, she’s just too nice to point it out, too hopeful you’ll actually accept her one day.” He turned to look at Damian with disgust. “I might not be a part of this thing you call a family, but I am a part of hers.” Damian only put up a semblance of a fight when Cass pulled him back down into his chair with a disappointed look.

“You kept in contact to make yourself feel better not because you cared. Because if you did? If you did, there’s no way you let her stay in Paris when it would have been so easy for you to do something. There’s no way you let her get hurt and killed over and over again just so you didn’t have to admit you were related to her. Nobody who gives even the slightest fuck about anybody, a stranger let alone family, your child, would willingly let them go through that. Lets them live knowing that crying about a stubbed toe could make them into a killer.

“You could have done something, anything and yet you did nothing. You didn’t even try. She wouldn’t have accepted. She… she was the only reason some of us survived and she knew that. She was our hope. She saved us and protected us. Repeatedly. At her own expense. Without her…” he looked away. When he spoke again, his voice was considerably quieter and colder.

“And she knew it. And she took it all on herself. She didn’t even tell most people, anyone but me and one other friend really, what she went through and not even all of it. There’s still things I know she saw but she won’t tell me about. Her own parents didn’t know because she didn’t want them to become akumas, which they’d done before over minor things. So she dealt with it on her own. My father barely ever let me out so I couldn’t be there for her almost ever. So she had nobody. She made sure she didn’t. Because she didn’t want to be the cause of more suffering.

“So she wouldn’t have taken you up on any offers anyway because she’d never abandon the people she cares about.” He looked back up to level Bruce with an icy glare that made him lose his breath. “Guess she gets that from her mother.”

He started to walk away but turned back to the family as he got to the door. “You know, Marinette and I are a lot alike. You can do anything you want to us and we’ll probably apologize to you for inconveniencing you. But you hurt someone we care about? Not even Hell is far enough away for you to hide in.

“So she’ll forgive you. That’s who she is. She will. Hell, she’ll probably come crawling back in a day or two to apologize to you for the scene she created. For making you feel uncomfortable. But I won’t ever forget what you did, what you didn’t do, what you subjected her to. No matter what else you ever do for her, you will not be forgiven.” He stepped closer to Bruce, the ice in his eyes turning darker. “And if you ever treat her like that again, they’ll never find your body.”

Damian scowled and jumped up. “Are you threatening my father?”

Adrien didn’t look at him when he responded, continuing to glare at Bruce with a dark, warped look that even made Damian raise an eyebrow. “I am.” He didn’t even bother slamming the door as he stormed out. As soon as he passed the threshold, he took off sprinting after Marinette. She didn’t have the car keys so she was walking… in Gotham… while she was a target. He cursed and picked up his speed to get to the car.

“B?” Dick asked cautiously.

“No. No, no, no.” He shook his head violently and looked down, trying to steady his ragged breathing. “I asked her parents. I checked. They said she was fine. They said it was okay.” He looked up at Dick with haunted eyes. “I checked. I made sure.”

“Well you didn’t fucking check well enough did you?” Jason growled. “You never asked her.” He threw his napkin on the table and stalked out after Adrien to help comfort Marinette. Duke looked between them for a moment before sprinting after Jason.

The rest of the family looked down at their plates, except Bruce who wasn’t looking at anything. He pushed away from the table and stumbled back to his room, a sudden wave of nausea slamming into his body. Dick opened his mouth a few times only to snap it shut again mutely. Cass frowned but continued eating slowly. This was new information, but it didn’t change who Marinette was to her. It was the same Marinette from earlier in the day. But now she knew more. Maybe they could bond over childhood trauma like she and Stephanie had.

Damian furrowed his brow and scowled at his food, unable to determine how to interpret the new information and blame Marinette for it. She had done it to herself, clearly. She had allowed herself to stay in that situation. Obviously it was her own fault she suffered through that… like he had. Not knowing who to be mad at, he shoved away from the table and went down to the cave to train.

Tim blankly watched him go. This… this was unsalvageable. This was… they’d let her down in so many ways. Him with the gala. Dick with the questioning Adrien. Damian with the accusing her and insulting Adrien. The entire family with the keeping secrets. And Bruce with the… everything. How were they supposed to bring this back? They were worse than his family, his previous family. The Drakes just ignored him. They were actively destroying her.

He took a deep breath and pushed away from the table too. He would go down to the cave but Damian was already there. He wanted to patrol, to actually protect someone, like he hadn’t protected her. He stood up and made his way to the grandfather clock. Fuck Demon Spawn. Let him try to fight him right now. Tim wasn’t in the mood and wouldn’t hold back. Heaven help any rogues out tonight.

Chapter 16

Tags:

@maribat-bdbwm @jayjayspixiepop @redscarlet95 @alice-hazelwood @deathssilentapproach-blog @unoriginalmess @alyssadeliv @emotionalsupportginger @frieddonutsweets @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @toodaloo-kangaroo @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @iloontjeboontje @wolf-for-life @maribatserver @aespades @prettylittlebutterflie @imarivers8 @ certainmuffinbagelcalzone @ritacrow-blog @unoriginalmess @demonicbusiness @kking13 @lady-bee-fechin @blur-of-colours @kittenmywaythrulife @kashlyn @loysydark

#maribat #bio!dad bruce #bio dad bruce wayne #roynette #Even the Losers #mbdbwm2021 #prompt - deaged #Throws this at you then cowers in fear

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tsukishimas-shortcake · 3 years

Text

Relationship Headcanons

↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader

↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read

↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)

↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.

So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,

One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys

The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them

Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.

The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries

You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels

You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you

Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age

You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so

But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,

That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school

You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest

You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare

You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder

“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.

The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood

He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think

Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare

“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again

Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.

She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family

You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you

The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense

Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.

The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.

How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.

It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.

So enough with first meeting time for the confession.

He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv

The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze

So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you

Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.

You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features

“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches

You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.

You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.

And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.

Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now

He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did

He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him

Is he even allowed to be this happy?

He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him

He’s touch s t a r v e d

Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such

But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)

He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help

One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)

Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home

Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school

Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)

We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor

He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room

The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood

Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.

You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"

He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.

NSFW

super fucking careful w you

almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding

He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it

Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad

"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.

pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious

despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher

but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.

Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't

like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.

in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.

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miraeluc · 3 years

Text

you have an anxiety attack

prompt: “after a long day you’re just trying to cook for you and your roommate, but when you accidentally switch salt and sugar the stress dawns upon you and you lose it.”

pairing: kaeya x gender-neutral reader

warnings: description of an anxiety attack, explicit language

word count: 1.6k

genre: fluff, angst

rough day?

roughest of the rough

it started in the morning - all was good until you were all dressed and ready to go

all you needed to do was brush your teeth

of course you dropped toothpaste on your new blouse and had to change because your boss would literally kill you if you strutted in there with toothpaste stains on your clothing

that didn’t upset you too much anyway,, yep, it kinda sucks but it is what it is

you went to work

that’s when it started to REALLY go downhill

first, you had to sit your ass in this tiny cubicle all day and it remained right on that chair every time you stood up

that’s what it felt like at least

then, you lost data that you’ve been working on for a MONTH

an entire month’s worth data!!!! LOST!!!!

curse you and your issue with forgetting where you put your folders

so you started over

was it worth it?

your boss hated it

you ended up dropping the project overall,, handed it over to a co-worker

your excuse was that you felt too ‘unfit’ for the whole project and he would totally be a better fit!

poor bennett

bennett is a nice guy, you always hang out with him during break

you usually talk shit about the other co-workers and he just listens and sits there like ◕ ◡ ◕

he’s just there for the food you bring him, really

he’s a little dumb so he took the project from you with no hesitation

“i’ll do it for you, dont even worry about it, y/n!”

you ended up working overtime

you had about 7 projects to finish until tomorrow morning and they were all only half-done

so you got your coffee, turned off your phone and got to work

you finished at 9pm

your work hours are 8am-5:30pm

nope, not having a great time

well, at least you can go home now!

you pack up your stuff and get up, leaving this hellhole of an office, stretching as you wait for the elevator before checking your phone to see 7 missed calls from your roommate

aka kaeya

aka boy that is most likely emotionally unavailable

aka boy that KEEPS TURNING OFF THE HEATERS TO LEAVE YOU TO FREEZE

his excuse is always that he can’t handle the warmth but you’re sure its so you whine about the cold so he can hug you to warm you up

maybe you have a teeny tiny crush on him???? BUT WHO CAN BLAME YOU

he’s a whole package - the only thing he’s lacking is emotional availability lmao

which is why you never mentioned the day by day blooming feelings you’ve been developing for him

there would be no positive outcome from you telling him. he would politely turn you down, having to explain yet again that he doesn’t see himself having actual romantic feelings to someone

you’re content with your current relationship with him

right?

kaeya is known as the fuckboy! of the city

neither of you mind, he’s having his fun

and you know that there’s much more to it

you’re very happy to have gained his trust enough for him to let his flirty side down when with you, at least

well, there’s no time to ponder over your relationship with him because you’re already sprinting to catch the last bus of the day

right as you got to the station it drove away

fuck

what now?

you have to walk home. alone. in the dark.

oh well.

usually bennett drives you home but obviously he left earlier

its only a 15 minute walk you can do it

it’s not that bad there’s street lamps hey!

not that bad until it starts to rain, apparently

by the time you get home there’s water in places rainwater shouldn’t be

kaeya is running by the time he hears the front door

“where were you??”

“why didn’t you reply to my calls??”

“do you have a slight idea about how worried i w-”

he stops when he sees your soaked figure and tired expression

“oh, y/n, what happened?”

he immediately helped you chuck off your wet coat and shoes

“i worked overtime and missed the last bus so i had to walk home”, you sighed

he nodded and hummed “Go ahead and take a shower then, wouldn’t want you to get sick now, would we?” he winked

you scoffed but nodded anyway

“yeah, especially in this coLD FUCKING APARTMENT BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO LET THE HEATERS TURNED ON-”

you only heard him laugh before shutting the door in the bathroom and jumping into the shower, needing to warm up because you were sure your toes were about to fall off from the cold

at least the shower went well

:///

you got dressed in lounge attire when you got out of the shower, walking to the kitchen because you were very hungry

you gave bennett all your food today so you didnt have any left

he just looked so hungry

ANYWAYS

you’re in the kitchen, deciding on what to cook

if you ask kaeya he will tell you to just drink wine instead so, no

you kind of want something sweet so you decide to bake cupcakes

kaeya shows up too

“what’re you baking?”

he sat and watched as you gathered all the ingredients you need

“cupcakes. how was your day?”

you strike up a conversation - all you talked about today was work and you need some decent interaction, plus kaeya is a super nice talk partner

“good. i had a day-off today so i layed in bed all day”

you hummed, stirring the eggs and flour

“how come? you never get off”

“no reason, i was forcibly given a day off- well anyways, what i wanted to tell you about before you worried me because i thoght you were deAD when you didn’t respond, is that i need your help setting up a date for diluc-”

you stopped listening halfway

you were looking at the unopened sugar bag on the counter

you just stirred the sugar in, why is it unopened????

you look over at the open bag of salt

wait a second

you take out a little dough and taste it

FUCK

“hello??? earth to y/n?? are you even liste-”

he stops himself as soon as you look at him with your lower lip trembling

uhhhhh

he’s never been in this situation

“y/n?? why are you crying-”

he looks at the counter and the dough, then he sees the salt beside the bowl you were stirring in and leans over to try some

oh, that’s why

“oh come on, is that what you’re crying over?” he snorted

he could barely catch you when you collapsed and started sobbing

he immediately regreted what he said

“hey, y/n, it’s just a little dough! its okay-”

you just sobbed and he sat down with you, sighing and pulling you into a tight hug

you felt your lungs constricting and your hands started shaking

you didn’t even notice how antsy you felt all day until now

you gasped for air and he tightened his grip on you

“w-why am i so worthless?!”

you punched his chest

“i can’t do a single thi-ng with-out messing it up!”

punch

“i’m so us-useless”

punch

“i should just kill m-”

he immediately pulled away and cupped your face before you could finish what you were about to say

“y/n, look at me. you had a bad day - you’re not useless! you’re stressed out! you’re one of the most hardworking people that i know- and, and don’t you ever mention anything about killing yourself! i won’t let you go, not as long as im here”

you were too busy fighting against the constricting feeling in your lungs to notice the tear slipping down his cheek before he hugged you tightly again

your hands gripped at his tshirt

his hand rested over your shaky ones

it broke him

seeing you in such state hurt him so much, he felt his own heart breaking a little with every gasp you took

“come on, let’s breathe together”

his voice was soft when he spoke to you

he took a deep breath in, you following

you wrapped your arms around him and leaned your head against his chest when breathing out

hearing his heartbeat made you feel safe

he kept breathing with you until he was more than sure you could breathe comfortably again

why did he feel like this?

sure, flirting with girls is fun

and ghosting them is also fun

he usually doesn’t care about hurting them

but why does he feel the need to protect you from all bad things?

and why does your pain hurt him too?

he sighs and shakes his head as if that would clear his mind

(it doesn’t)

oh well.

taking care of your needs is more important right now

he picks you up and walks over to the couch, sitting down, placing you on his lap and hugging you

“you’re not cooking anything, we’ll order takeout.”

you sniffled and nodded

you did feel your heart flutter a little when he sat you down on him

he’s never done that

you ignore it and reside into the warmth he gives instead, nuzzling your face into his chest

he smiles softly and strokes your hair, using his free hand to type in what you were ordering

you both fell into a comfortable silence

at some point he thought you fell asleep lol

“kaeya?”

he rose his brows a little and looked down, humming

“thank you.”

additional notes: welp. this was my first drabble! it was very fun to write and i genuinely look forward to writing more! i’d appreciate it alot if you leave any feedback or even requests for drabbles :-)

#kaeya #kaeya x reader #anxiety #anxiety attack #angst #fluff #diluc #bennett #genshin impact #kaeya alberich #gender neutral s/o #genshin impact x reader #kaeya scenario #genshin impact scenarios #kaeya alberich x reader #kaeya fluff #kaeya angst #genshin impact angst #genshin impact fluff

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dukeofonions · 3 years

Text

The Problem With Asides

Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show.

And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know.

That being said, let’s get into this, shall we?

(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)

Part One: The Concept of Asides

Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce.

Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series.

We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right?

(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)

Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode.

So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait.

I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon!

At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy.

Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one.

Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened?

Part Two: Literally the Same Show

At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand.

To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes.

Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides.

1. They’re just as angsty.

2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.

3. Take about just as long to produce.

4. Contain a lesson to be learned.

Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot.

ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later.

Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.

So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing.

For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem.

(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner)

It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.

All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?

So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense?

Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First.

You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?

Part Three: Intrusive Plots

At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly.

Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts.

Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”

And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.

DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.

We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word.

We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video.

This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS?

Virgil.

He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there?

Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-

*insert random voice whispering off to the side*

Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When?

*whispers continue*

Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again?

*whispers explain*

Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?

*whispers confirm*

Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them.

So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS.

*whispers explain*

He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense…

Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress.

Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes.

Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.

First here:

Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident.

The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:

“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.”

(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)

As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be.

Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.

This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing.

Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower.

And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.

They stay silent.

Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.

Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes.

We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.

*whispers return and begin to whisper*

I’m sorry what?

*whispers repeat*

Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to.

*whispers whisper*

Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!

*whisper*

In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?

*whisperly whisper*

They get along just fine as if nothing happened?

*whispersty*

It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive?

*whisper*

Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall?

Okay, I guess that all makes sense…

Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas!

Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?

Part Four: The Problem

Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began.

When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to.

The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus.

Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense.

The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion.

Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place.

We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale.

Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series?

You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever.

FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much.

We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that?

Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series.

It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse.

We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.

All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?

The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.

Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing.

But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road.

Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.

I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides.

We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us.

We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.

(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)

#dukeofcritical #sanders sides #ts criticism #sanders sides criticism #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #long post

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mandoalorian · 3 years

Text

Vanilla Lattes [Frankie Morales x F!Reader]

Summary: You camp out at the coffee shop in the midst of a thunderstorm, only to be awoken by a soaking wet man with puppy dog eyes, who is struggling outside in the rain. You let him into the warmth, offering him a lot more than just a vanilla latte to satisfy his sweet tooth.

Warnings: drink mention, brief mentions of anxiety and a few sexual innuendos.

Word Count: 4,200 words

Masterlist

You took a deep breath, hunching up your shoulders as you fumbled with the key trying to unlock the front door. Your hands felt like ice, the cold stinging your fingers and even making them swell up slightly. The key got jammed, again. The heavy raindrops pelted against your back, drenching you, and you couldn’t help but let out a prolonged groan of frustration. Pressing your body weight against the door and wriggling the key into the lock, you were grateful for the bolt of lightning which provided you with a temporary illumination to see what you’re doing. Hearing the lock click out of place, you sighed with relief as you managed to shake the door open and entered the coffee shop almost in a turbulence. You slammed the door shut before locking it behind you and turned on the light.

The chairs had been stacked neatly on the tables from the night before, the floor had been swept and mopped, and an overwhelming smell of lemons filled the room. It must have been the new air freshener your boss had purchased after the last one exploded. You slid out of your shoes, not wanting to leave a puddle of water with every step, and took off your coat, hanging it on the radiator. You checked the time on the wall clock. 3:45am.

Your apartment was shit. Your landlord was shit. And everything was going to shit. The thunderstorm had been going on for days now. At first, you were coping, despite the power outage. But now apparently there’d been a leak in the building’s boiler room and your apartment had no heat at all for the past day and a half. It was far too cold to sleep, no matter how many fluffy blankets you had to hide under. So, in the midst of the night as you tossed and turned, you were struck with an idea. You could camp out at work. No, it wasn’t the most convenient of places and if your boss found out you’d most likely be fired but at least it had heat, and lighting, and at least you could catch a few hours of sleep before it opened for business.

Thankfully your hair wasn’t too wet to begin with, thanks to the hood on your coat, and as the front of the shop began to warm up, you were able to cozy up. The mismatched patterned rugs and the dim amber lights created the perfect, homely environment. There was a sofa in the back room which you contemplated sleeping on but it was torn and covered in suspicious looking stains, so you decided to just stay out front, take a chair down and sit at a table, resting your head against the oak wood.

There was no telling how long you were asleep for when you heard a loud thudding knock against the store door. You bolted up and your eyes snapped open as you tried to distinguish the silhouette who was standing behind the glass. All the lights in the shop were on which meant he could definitely see you, but the blackness of the night sky meant that you couldn’t make him out at all. You were struck with fear, cursing yourself for coming to the coffee shop in the first place. The figure continued to bang their fists against the door and your mind started to race as you wondered what to do.

They could be anyone. They could be a serial killer. Should you call the police? You tried to shake away your anxious thoughts, promising yourself that the chances of the silhouette being a mass murderer was slim-to-none.

"Hey! I see you in there! Please- please could you let me in? I'm f-ffffreezing." The voice was deep, masculine, and it didn't necessarily sound local. You almost wanted to stifle back laughter at how they drawled out the word 'freezing'. Feeling less afraid, but still hesitant, you slowly approached the door until you could get a clearer look at the person.

It was a man, and he was soaking wet. He was wearing denim jeans and a pale green shirt. Well, it looked like it was meant to be pale green, but the rain had darkened it considerably and it clung to his body uncomfortably. In his hand, he held a soggy map and a baseball cap. He looked up at you with big brown pleading eyes as if he was waiting for you to open the door. You'd be foolish to open the door to a stranger in the dead of night.

But of course, you opened it anyway, and he didn't move an inch. He continued to stand still at the door frame, staring at you. You were lost for words. Was he going to pounce on you? Attack you? You could just slam the door in his face and leave him out in the storm... that was always a possibility.

"May I come in, p-please?" he asked politely through a shiver, and your heart sank into the depths of your chest. There was no way a man as softly spoken as him was going to put you in any kind of danger, and you almost felt bad for assuming that he would. You nodded, quickly stepping out the way so he could come into the warmth of the coffee shop. You shut the door behind him. "Are you- are you open?" he asked. He couldn't tell if the shake in his voice was from the cold, or quite possibly nerves. What were the chances he'd find a coffee shop open at 4am, and a beautiful girl to let him in?

You furrowed your eyebrows together, checking the time on the wall clock before turning back to him. "It's just turned 4:15." you sighed as if that would answer his question.

"Right, I'm sorry, that was a dumb thing to say," he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. You hoped you hadn't come off as rude. "Thank you for letting me in."

He was dripping wet, literally. His dark brown hair was flat against his head but the tips began to curl into waves as the heat of the shop quickly got to it. You had so many questions. So many. But the fact he was still holding himself, shivering, distracted you just enough to ask your next question.

"Can I get you a coffee?" you questioned him before scrunching up his nose. A coffee at 4am was going to be the last thing he needed.

To your surprise, he answered yes.

You nodded in affirmation, giving him your best barista smile out of habit and padded around the coffee bar, turning on the machine. "Will take a sec to turn on," you explained as the man just stood there. "Uhm, what's your name?" you asked, taking a paper cup and a black permanent marker. This felt like something out of a fever dream. The stranger had been adorned with your presence for approximately three minutes now and you had only just asked for his name— because you were making him a damn coffee. Nothing about this situation was ordinary.

"Frankie." he smiled. His smile was so warm and comforting, you couldn't help but shoot him an even wider smile back. You didn't know if it was the dimly lit room in the dead of night, but his eyes had a sparkle in them which brought around a feeling of protection and safety. He was a stranger, but you already felt like he could trust you.

Frankie. And his name was just as sweet as sugar. Frankie. You imagined the way it rolled off your tongue so perfectly. A pretty name for a pretty boy. He cleared his throat, snapping you out of your thoughts and you scrunched up your nose wondering how long the uncomfortable silence had lasted for. At least, you hoped it hadn’t have been uncomfortable. You gritted your teeth together and introduced yourself.

"Hey, that's a nice name." Frankie beamed, stalking over to the coffee bar and awkwardly shuffling to sit down at one of the stools.

"I was gonna say the same about yours." you giggled, trying your hardest to ignore the heat that flushed your cheeks.

"Really? It's short for Francisco." he explained as you held the paper cup under the espresso machine.

"Francisco," you hummed, liking the way that rolled off your tongue just as much as Frankie did. "It's cute," Now Frankie was blushing. "Do you have a sweet tooth?"

Frankie's gaze snapped to meet yours, his mind wandering elsewhere. "A sweet-? Ohhhh," he nodded knowingly when you held up an abundance of syrups in his direction. "You know, I've never tried coffee with syrup before. Afraid the guys will tease me for it." he muttered.

"The guys?" you beckoned further out of curiosity.

"Oh yeah uh- the guys I work with. My friends. I live with ’em too. Well like, not all of them. But Santi is my roommate- Santiago, I mean…" he rambled. You paused making his coffee, staring at him intently as the man you had just met began talking to you as if he's known you forever. He had such a friendly nature. "Sorry, am I blubbering?" he asked. "I don't normally get nervous- I mean, I'm not nervous, I just-"

You grinned ecstatically, shushing him. He looked up at you, the corners of his lips curled upwards and his chocolate coloured eyes wide, full of admiration. "So, how does a vanilla latte sound?" you chuckled.

Frankie nodded. "Delicious."

You pushed a few pumps of the vanilla syrup into the cup, stirring it around the espresso with a lollipop stick. You loved the smell, it was your favourite.

"Are you from round here?" you quizzed Frankie, hoping he wouldn't mind the questions. Small talk was part of your job as a barista, something you'd grown very much acquainted too, but after years of working here, he was the first customer who you were actually taking an interest in. Maybe it was his rugged handsome looks, or the fact fate had somehow brought you into the same coffee shop, at the same time during the same thunderous stormy night, but you had an urge to learn more about him.

"No I'm not," he started, holding up the soggy map. "I actually got lost. I'm here for work."

You took the dripping map from him and looked at it with a quirked eyebrow. "Don't you have the Maps app on your phone?"

"The what? Sorry, I'm not too good with technology," he brought his phone out his pocket and set it on the counter. "It's actually ran out of battery."

"Thankfully we have the same phone," you laughed, and Frankie's eyes lit up. "I should have a charger round the back. Where do you work?"

"Everywhere, really," Frankie shrugged. "I'm a pilot," The milk had finished steaming and you brought the jug away from the machine and back to the cup. Tipping the cup to its side, you practiced some experimental latte art. "How long have you worked here? I'm assuming you work here," he said awkwardly and you let out another laugh. "Well I had to check!" he laughed back, raising his hands defensively.

"Four years," you sighed. "Was supposed to just be a temp job to get me through my degree, help pay my tuition, but… you know, I'm still here."

Frankie nodded. "I get it. I used to do engineering stuff at some dodgy garage back in my hometown. I used the money to help me get through flight school but I was there way longer than I needed to be," Frankie told you and you nodded sadly. "But I'm glad you're here."

"You are?" you asked, raising your eyebrows.

"Well yeah!" he exclaimed cheerily. "If you weren't, who would be able to save me from this God-awful rainstorm."

You passed him his latte. His jaw dropped slightly when he saw the pattern you'd carefully construed with your jug of steamed milk. A heart. "I- wow," he said almost breathlessly.

"Do you like it?" you asked nervously, biting down on your lip. You hoped your attempt of a flirt didn't come across as too overbearing.

"Yes, I like it," he confirmed before clearing his throat and making direct eye contact with you. "I like it-a-latte."

After a momentary silence you burst into laughter, Frankie soon following. "You dork!" you smacked his arm playfully. Frankie swore your laugh was contagious, and he adored the way small crinkles in the corners of your eyes appeared. This man had made you smile so much in the past fifteen minutes, your cheeks were beginning to hurt.

Frankie took a sip of the hot beverage, before licking his lips and relishing the taste. "That's delicious." he moaned longingly before taking another sip. Your fingernails subconsciously began to graze at the wooden counter. His moans and hums of delight were like the sweetest melody you'd ever heard. You'd whip him up a thousand more vanilla lattes if you got to hear him make those noises more often.

Your smile dropped when you remembered he was still dripping, even his bare forearms had goose pimples. There was a man sitting before you in soaking wet clothes, and he was too shy to even mention it to you. "Is the coffee warming you up?" you asked with slight concern. He nodded gratefully, taking another sip. You were glad. "We might have a change of clothes out back. It'll be employee uniform but-"

"You wouldn't mind?" Frankie asked with gratitude.

"Of course not, let me go see what I can find."

You went to the back of the coffee shop, where it was a lot colder, darker and dingier. Rummaging through one of the plastic crates, you managed to find a pair of black pants and a maroon coloured polo shirt, both with the company logo embroidered into it. They looked to be about his size. You took a sniff, thanking the Lord they were clean. You brought them back out to Frankie.

"You have to wear this?" he asked with a slight gasp as he unfolded the shirt.

"Yeah, it's not the most attractive," you giggled. "Will it be okay?"

"It's perfect, thank you so much." Frankie stood up and went to take off his shirt.

"Oh- uhm-" you started, diverting your gaze immediately. You got a glimpse of his tummy and the little trail of hair between his belly button and the waistline of his underwear that was poking out above his jeans. He pulled his shirt back down and looked at you with doe-eyes. "There's a room out back if you'd feel more comfortable getting changed back there. You know, for like, privacy." you mumbled awkwardly.

Frankie nodded. "Thank you." he said graciously before following your finger that was pointing towards the backdoor.

He wasn't gone for long, maybe just a few minutes, but you couldn't help yourself from daydreaming about him. You cursed yourself for letting your mind wander as you imagined him changing out of his sticky wet clothes and into the clothes you had provided for him. You thought about the shape of his arms, the curve in his bicep and the way his thighs might flex as he slides his legs into the pants. Maybe you were the one who needed a coffee to wake you up from these ridiculous thoughts.

When he returned, you were both back to laughing almost immediately. He did a little twirl, modelling the employee outfit. "It's cute! Suits you. You know if you ever get bored of that piloting thing…" you joked.

"I'll consider it, thanks," Frankie chuckled.

"Oh, you should take off your socks and I'll hang them next to my coat on the radiator. There's nothing worse than having wet feet." you recommended.

"You sure?" Frankie asked hesitantly, but already reaching down to untie his laces. You nodded your head. Noticing his hair was still wet, you grabbed a small tea towel from one of the cupboards.

"You should dry your hair too," you told him, passing him the towel. Your urge to care for him was almost maddening. "So you don't catch a cold."

"W-would you?" Frankie asked awkwardly.

"You want me to dry your hair for you?"

Frankie nodded— and how could you possibly refuse him?

“How come you aren’t wearing your hat?” you quizzed, gesturing aimlessly towards the discarded baseball cap on the table.

“Well I like this hat. Didn’t want it to get wet.” he chuckled. You gently let the towel tangle in his dark brown locks of hair, making a conscious effort to massage his scalp. He closed his eyes. "F-feels so good…" there was that elicit moan again. You didn't say a word, continuing to gently rub the towel into his hair. This whole night definitely felt like a fever dream.

The hours that went by felt like mere minutes as you and Frankie talked and laughed and messed around. Five cups of coffee later, and you were both practically bouncing off the walls, full of energy. You had clicked instantly and learned that you both had so much in common with each other.

He was charmed by you, entranced even. If your beauty wasn't enough, he admired your endearing personality and how you were so thoughtful and passionate with everything you did. From the latte art to drying his hair for him, he thought you were the most perfect girl he had ever met.

You could say the exact same about him. You didn't want the night to end. In fact, you wanted to spend every waking moment with him. You learned a lot about him too. He was ex-military, divorced, with a two year old daughter that he couldn't help but gush about. He showed you a photograph of her that he kept in his wallet and she was the spitting double of Frankie, with big dark eyes and curly brown hair.

By morning, the storm had ended and the golden sun had risen. The birds were tweeting and the roads slowly started to get busy in preparation for the day ahead.

The cuckoo wall clock made a disrupting noise as the handle struck 9am. "Oh shoot," you gasped, standing up. "We're officially open for business! Uh- I gotta go get dressed for work so I'll be as quick as I can. Just- just wait here." you told Frankie in a hurried rush before whisking yourself to the back of the store.

You didn't even give Frankie a chance to reply. He sat there, at the table, nursing his fifth vanilla latte. You hadn't been gone long at all when the doorbell jingled, signifying that the coffee shop had gotten its first customer of the day. Frankie abruptly stood up, his eyes going comically wide as he spun around on his heel, ready to address the customer.

It was a tall, broad shouldered businessman with dark blonde hair holding a briefcase. His mismatched patterned tie and pocket square was enough to make Frankie cringe as he sauntered into the coffee shop with tired eyes. "The usual." he muttered.

Frankie furrowed his eyebrows together. "Hey, I recognise you from somewhere…" he trailed off, thinking of where he might've seen the man before. Frankie figured he was just being hyper-aware, considering he wasn't even from round here.

"You must be new," the customer grumbled. "Three shot espresso black coffee, extra hot, extra wet, no sugar or sweetener or anything like that." His words were very stern and demanding.

Frankie couldn't help but emit a small, helpless gasp when he remembered he was dressed in employee uniform. It certainly looked like he worked in the coffee shop, but the truth was, he hadn't operated one of these extravagant machines in his life. He might know how to do helicopter repairs but this was brand new to him. And what the hell did 'extra hot' and 'extra wet' mean? The businessman sighed, tapping at his gold wristwatch impatiently.

"Chop chop," he said rudely. "I don't have all day." Frankie frowned at his comment before sauntering behind the coffee bar, looking at all the different machines around him. He took a deep breath. Taking a paper cup, he requested the businessman's name. "Really? I know you know my name," the man snarled. “Or do you need me to do the thing?”

“What thing?” Frankie quizzed back feeling genuine bewilderment. The man took a deep breath and pointed his finger, but before he could say anything you returned from the back to the front of the shop just in time. "Ah!" Frankie called excitedly, taking your hand and pulling you behind the counter with him. "We have our first customer of the day!" he exclaimed with a fake enthusiasm through gritted teeth. The businessman slowly dropped his ring clad hand back down to his side and huffed in annoyance.

You wanted to laugh. Frankie was so adorable. Frankie's brown eyes flicked nervously between you and the businessman as he passed you the paper cup.

"Just the usual?" you asked the businessman politely, already writing his name down on the cup. Frankie assumed he must've been a regular.

"Obviously." he rolled his eyes.

"How come you didn't send your assistant for your morning coffee?" you asked.

"You know I don't care for small talk." the businessman sighed before pulling out his wallet.

"Right, sorry, that'll be four dollars please." you apologised quickly. He tapped his black company credit card against the reader and you passed him his triple shot espresso. He left without even muttering a thank you.

"What a jackass," Frankie whispered, intensely staring at the man long after he left the shop. He slipped into the back passenger seat of a car which quickly drove away.

"Believe me, I'm used to it. There's plenty of customers who are like that." you explained, making sure all the machines were switched on and ready for the day.

"Well you shouldn't have to be," Frankie sighed, shaking his head. "I should probably go," he shrugged. You nodded your head understandingly. Frankie went to the back of the shop to collect his clothes. "Thanks for everything." Frankie smiled. He really didn't want to leave but he knew he had to eventually.

"Of course." you returned the smile. You found yourself fumbling with the stack of napkins. He hadn't even left the coffee shop and you already missed him. Frankie nodded and headed towards the door. He opened it and turned to you one last time.

"By the way, what does 'extra hot' and 'extra wet' mean?" he asked, and you burst into a fit of giggles at his comment. Frankie loved hearing you laugh, and he loved the way that he was the person who could make you laugh.

Picking up the black permanent marker, you scribbled your phone number on a napkin. "Give me a call and find out?" you suggested, handing him your number with a small but flirty smile. Frankie's cheeks reddened and his heart felt fuzzy.

"O-okay," he waved. "I'll speak to you soon. Have a good day at work."

"See ya, Frankie." you smiled one last time.

That was, by far, one of the best nights you had ever had.

------

Taglist - let me know if you wish to be added!

Permanent: @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth @moth-guillotine @pedro-pascal-love @hayley-the-comet @pinkninja190 @maxiarapamaya @autumnleaves1991-blog @artsymaddie @harrys-stan

#frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #catfish morales #catfish morales x reader #triple frontier

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fckwritersblock · 3 years

Text

Act 1: While We’re Young

Chapter 6

Erik Stevens x Black OC

( Unedited.)

I woke up with a killer headache and the sound of my alarm clock going off. I hit it repeatedly trying to get it to shut off to no avail. Frustrated I picked it up launching it across the room. Next was the alarm on my cell and I released a defeated groan. Sitting up, I took in my surrounding trying to remember how I got to my room last night. My makeup was removed, and I was in a large T-shirt with my hair in a bonnet. The only thing I forgot to do was remove my contacts. Slowly getting up, I left my bedroom and went straight to the bathroom. I raised an eyebrow when I saw a glass and aspirin set right next to my glasses.

There was no way I was THAT alert last night.

Frowning I took the packet and washed it down before starting the shower, I had to wash away last nights shame and hangover. 15 minutes later I stepped out wrapping a towel around my body. I didn't even feel slightly Recovered. Removing my contacts and placing the frames over my eyes, I need coffee.

"Good Mornin'," a raspy baritone greeted me when I got to the kitchen.

"Morning," I mumbled putting on the pot.

"Lemme get a cup,"

I stopped turning around in horror, registering who it was.

"Erik?!"

"Yeah?" He sounded like 'duh'.

"Get out get out get out!" I squealed, holding my towel to me looking for something to throw.

"What about the coffee?"

Erik sounded confused, like he was suppose to be here or something."

"Negro what are you even doing here?!" I exclaimed. "Grab your shit and get out!"

"Damn girl that's how you show gratitude?" I could tell he wasn't getting upset now. "Yo ass don't even know what happened last night."

I froze. Oh fuckkkkk no.

"Tell me we didn't?"

"Naw girl, ion get down like that." He looked disgusted by the thought and I couldn't help but scoff.

"Oh yeah right, I bet. You're such a stand up guy right?" Sarcasm laced in every word as I held the door open for him.

Soon as he crossed the threshold I slammed the door,

"Really Lona that's how we gettin' down now." The anger in his voice was evident and I couldn't help but wonder if he still got that wrinkle in between his eyes like he use to.

"We taken advantage of drunk bitches now Erik.

He was silently for a minute but I knew he was still there.

"You know me better than that." He spoke from the other end. Did I really though?

There was a slight pain in my chest after he said that.

"I use to." I replied loud enough for him to hear before walking back into my room.

"How you feelin' sunshine?"

"I feel like death." I answered.

I laid my head down on the table in the cafeteria Tatiana and Jay were chillin at. I swear to god when you have a hangover it be the longest day ever.

"You don't look far from it either- ouch," Jay rubbed his arm where I hit him.

"I woke up with a massive headache, feelin' like I got by a truck-" I began my list of complaints.

"Probably happened when dude dropped you." Jay mentioned casually.

"-Erik was in my living room just chillin on my couch." I stopped and blinked, looking directly at Jay. "I'm sorry. What? Who dropped me, Erik?"

"Naw, not Erik. Ole dude in the bathroom."

Wait what?" I frowned looking at Tati. "What's he talking about. I was with you wasn't I? Where were you?"

"Ok boo, breathe aite," she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "No anxiety attacks today. Let me start from the beginning. Dumbass here don't know how to be gentle."

As she explained, i remember arriving, I remember chilling, playing beer pong, taking a few shots. I remember dancing, curving a couple of frat boys, and having a good time. Everything after that was fuzzy.

"So you was tore up girl, but hiding it well. You just said you wanted to throw up s you'd feel better. I'm the one who walked you to the bathroom, again, you didn't look that tore up but I guess when it all started to come up you got worse? I only left because Ashley came to get me since Donise was bout to fight and I needed to stop her. I swear I was only gon for like 7 minutes. When I reminded Doni she was on her last strike here and told her we had to get you home we both came right back to find Erik literally trying punch his way thru ole' dudes skull."

"What?" My eyes widened.

"Yeah, apparently Erik caught bruh tryna carry you out the house on the low." Jay informed me filling in from where Tati left off. "When he confronted him and told him to hand you over he dropped you to the floor. E was quick to check on you and asked if I had and before I blinked he was after bruh."

"Erik?"

"Yes girl! And he beat the fuck outta him too." Tati hit her hand with her first. "When I came up, Jay left you with me and Jay and Moses had to get him to stop. Once he 'calmed down' enough he stormed over to you and damn near shoved me out the way. He wouldn't let anyone touch you after that."

"I'm sayin', he turned into the bodyguard." Jay laughed clearly amused.

But I sure as hell wasnt.

Remaining quiet, I tired to process everything. I was almost snatched up and taken God knows where, so some weirdo could do God knows what to me, and Erik came in and stopped everything. For me. Protected me. Made sure I got home safely and stayed with me all night. While I still don't remember anything I do know he was wearing what I saw him in last night this morning......and right about now I'm feeling like the biggest asshole.

"Yeah shit was sexy and scary at the same time. He looked crazy."

"For real son! Crazy as fuck," Jay agreed. "I know bruj said y'all had history, but damn. Y'all was together or somethin'?"

Or something, I thought but instead just shook my head.

"No, but it's complicated," was the only explanation I was giving right now. Everyone didn't need to know my dirty laundry, and while I could careless about what people thought about me, I'm sure they've got enough to run it about last night. Meanwhile I needed to find Erik. No matter how I feel about him, he still looked out for me last night. Not only do I owe him a thank you but an apology too.

It was a nice day outside so I figured he might be in the quad since I saw him out there a lot. There or at the gym. Thankfully he at was the former and I didn't have to look too hard as I headed toward him. As soon as he spotted me he snatched his bag up, saluted the guys and began to walk off. I did my best to catch up without making it obvious that I was after him to everybody else around. Catching up slightly I called out his name and he stopped. He shoulders slumped as if he were sighing as he turned around. He looked at me like he couldn't stand me. I took a deep breath feeling nervous and embarrassed.

"Erik can we talk?" I asked, feeling small.

"Is it about the project?" His voice lacked every bit of emotion.

"No." I answered knowing where this was going.

"Then, naw, we can't."

Without another look he turned, headphones on, and left me where I stood.

————————-

So...someone's upset.

And rightfully so. These two have a lot of issues to work out. Too much anger.

I'm just gonna...let that sit there...

Guess what guys!!

I've got the next 30 chapters planned! The good the bad and the ugly. I'm sooo excited!'

Tag list: @kitesatforestp @xsweetdellzx @justgetitoverwith0 @letsshamelessqueen-m @cmkcolove @readingaddict1290

#black!reader #black panther killmonger #erik killmonger series #erik stevens x reader #black writer #erik stevens #killmomger x oc #killmonger x black!reader #marvel #marvel imagine

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jupitermelichios · 3 years

Text

On a more possitive note, I’ve started watching Sword Art Online. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen (and the last film I saw in cinemas was Cats to give you context for the scale i’m working on here) and I kind of adore it in much the same way I love garbage like Smallville or Twilight. It’s so stupid on so many levels. You could challenge someone to write the worst anime, and it would almost certainly be better than SAO. It’s almost hypnotic how terrible it is.

No one should watch this terrible terrible show so I therefore don’t feel at all bad that I’m about the spoil absolutely everything, but honestly if you do also hate-watch this please come talk to me about how terrible it is. I don’t know anyone else who watches it.

Highlights of Season 1 include:

everyone is trapped in an MMO, and if you die in the MMO you die IRL. but if you were a beta-tester you’re probably fine because they just let them keep all their levels and items from the testing, so they’re all massively OP and everyone just accepts this as a normal and non-game-breaking thing

it’s a fantasy MMO but there’s no races, no magic system, no weapons except swords and maces, and not even an option to dual wield - literally all you can do in this fucking game is stand in front of an enemy and mash the attack button. I’m pretty sure they’re trapped there because the devs realised no one would play this post launch-day otherwise because it’s boring as shit

when the villain traps everyone he also just changs all their avatars to look like they do IRL for absolutely no reason, like actually none, he doesn’t even say he thinks it would be funny, he just does it and no one questions it and it is literally never mentioned again because this is the worst TV show ever animated.

in the second episode the main character deliberately witholds information about how to defeat a boss, indirectly causing multiple deaths. there is absolutely no reason for him to withhold it, he was just being a jerk because he doesn’t like people

in the third episode they reset his entire personality and he’s now a selfless hero pretending to be a lower level than he really is so people will find him more relateable and be his friend because all he wants is to help people. this is not a consequence of episode 2, they just decided they didnt like the character as he’d previously been written.

he makes some new friends who are all objectively terrible people who have decided for no season that the twelve year old who doesn’t really know how to play and keeps having anxiety attacks about the very real possibility of death has to be the guild tank. the MC is high enough level to be functionally immortal in like half the levels, but doesn’t tell anyone this he just lets them go on bullying this child

none of his friends survive that episode, in the game or IRL. which is also a christmas epsiode. a child dies in battle because she’s a terrible tank and then a man commits suicide out of guilt, so then the main character murders santa to try and bring them back from the actual dead but it doesn’t work because again, this is a video game and they are dead IRL, so then he walks off into the snow alone. Christmas!

we meet the best character in the entire show in episode 4, Rosalia, who has gone evil and started just straight murdering people because she’s sick of being an attractive adult woman who can’t get a date because she’s surrounded by lolicons who are only interested in the preteen characters (not a joke, that comes up, the show is firmly on the side of the lolicons)

in the same episode we get an extended bra and panty sequence staring an actual fucking child, like canonically this character is maybe 13 at best. this is one of only 2 occaisions when they feel the need to undress a character and it’s the fucking 12 year old, it’s so gross it reads like a parody of itself

literally every single named female character aged over 8 who talks to the MC falls in love with him after like 5 minutes (and in season 2 this includes his actual sister). he shows absolutely no interest in any of them (including his sister, thank god) until...

the main character gets engaged to a girl he only knows from an MMO after a virtual single date (he doesn’t actually win her in a PVP match but only because he looses the match, he 100% canonically tries to win her in a match, which she is apparently fine with). he then doesn’t bother to ask for her real name until the final episode, he just calls her by her screen name

(that’s okay though becuase it turns out that this moron of a love interest used her real name, on a local server, in a game where your character looks like you do IRL, because apparently getting doxxed is her hobby)

they then get in-game married off screen. there’s not even like a still of a wedding photo. nothing. the main character proposes and then the show immediately jumps to the honeymoon, it’s fucking bizarre.

they find a creepy child dressed all in white with no memory alone in the woods a week into their honeymoon who starts calling them mommy and daddy literally seconds after they first meet her, and they don’t suspect anything suss is going on and adopt her

for hilarity bear in mind the main character may only be 15 at this point (he says he’s only just turned 16 in the last epsiode, but his actual birthday is never mentioned), and his virtual wifu is 16, but no one ever questions the marriage or the adoption, even though ‘hey marriage in a video game is as important and meaningful as marriage in real life’ is an actual conversation people have multiple times. also they think the child they adopt is an actual IRL 8 year old who thinks these randos she met in an MMO are her mum and dad and everyone just goes with that like it’s a totally normal thing

a character called ‘Thinker’ agrees to meet an enemy faction leader for peace talks. the “peace talks” take place in a high level dungeon and he is told to come alone with no weapons and no fast travel. he does this. no one ever comments that his name is ironic, and in fact they seem to think that being betrayed and trapped in a dungeon with a boss is a totally unexpected turn of events Thinker could never have planned for

they take their new baby into the dungeon to rescue thinker, because they went to the jean grey school of baby rearing, and she imediately reveals that she’s actually a magical maggufin with infinite power, murders the grim reaper, and then dies. In literally the second episode she’s in

after she dies the MC hacks the admin account of the game, converts her corpse into an in game item, and saves to the local storage on his console, with the intention of bringing her back to life as a robot once they’re saved from the game. I’m not joking, that’s an actual thing that happens.

the fact that the main character can just access the main admin account and make massive game-breaking changes isn’t used again in that game and he never thinks to try and use it to force log people out or give himself infinite life so he can just rush the game and free everyone. nope, convert a corpse into an item and then never think about it again.

there’s an entire episode where all they do is go fishing. its the only filler episode in the season, and it immediately follows the death of a small child. it’s the most tone-deaf beach episode in writing history

it turns out this game, this game where they didn’t bother coding in any difference races, weapons, or any kind of magic system, was intended to have fully sentient AI therapists, because why the fuck not at this point honestly

oh also the game has PVP and you can trick the game into thinking a sleeping player is in PVP with you in order to actually murder a real person without it flagging in-game as a murder making the crime impossible for the real life legal system to investigate even though you just murdered a person. and they expect us to believe this game had actual beta testers. at least cyberpunk wasn’t played on microwaves you connected straight to your brain (also not a joke, the VR consoles canonically work by sending microwave radiation into your brain, no wonder VR never caught on)

the set up for the show is that they have to reach level 100 of a dungeon in order to win. At level 75, the writers got bored and the show just ends.

it turns out the power of love allows you to just break the fucking game and the main villain literally has a line about how ‘love allows you to remove debuffs, huh, we didn’t think to plan for that’ because again, there’s no metaphors in this show, everything is 100% literal including the fact that falling in love with another player means you’re immune to the paralysis status effect

power of love also allows you to very briefly become a poltergeist after being killed, but only for like 2 seconds. again not a joke or a metaphor, main character is killed but then gets to hang around as a ghost for a little bit to enable him to defeat the boss. he also doesn’t die in real life despite that being the entire fucking premise of the show, again because power of love.

the bad guy literally has no plan, he’s just doing shit for the sake of having something to do. His actions directly cause the deaths of more than 4,000 people, and it’s not even in aid of anything. they ask him why he trapped 10,000 people in an MMO and allowed them to slowly die, and he’s just like ‘huh, i forgot i did that, random’ and then just fucking peaces out

the fact that he committed one of the largest mass killings outside of war never really comes up again, as far as we know he doesn’t even go to jail. i think the show actually kind of thinks he’s a good guy, which is a fucking WILD moral stance to take on the deaths of 4000 completely innocent people for absolutely no reason

If this sounds hilari-bad but you don’t want to invest the time to watch a show which is objectively garbage, it has an abridged series which is famously better than the show it’s parodying (i’m dead serious, people have character arcs, the getting married after one date thing is properly addressed, the mc has to deal with PTSD because of all his friends dying in epsidode 3, they don’t immediately follow the death of a child with an extended fishing montage, the villain has an actual plan). It’s mostly actually pretty good, but this is the internet and it’s an abridged series, so while there are a lot fewer yikes moments than most it still has enough that I’m not comfortable recommending it without the caveat. that said I still enjoyed it a lot, although possibly not at much as pointing and laughing at the garbage that is the actual show.

#sao bashing #kirito bashing #sao abridged #good bad shows #i love this garbage show so much #it's one of the funniest things i've watched all year #and none of that is intentional #sword art online bashing #if you also love hate this show please come talk to me about how terrible it is

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