#like the fuck how this is nesta’s fault too when nesta was literally trying to save her from the cauldron | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumgik

#like the fuck how this is nesta’s fault too when nesta was literally trying to save her from the cauldron

moonssalad · 8 months

Text

Am I the only one who is disgusted by seeing how many people actually seriously excuse Rhysands fucked up actions?

I have seen so, SO many people talking about how he hid the truth about Feyres pregnancy from her and always excuse it by saying how he didnt want to stress her out 💀. Or that he was looking for a way to save them before he told her, like he shouldve told her right away. And how he told the IC about it before he even told Feyre and told them to keep their mouths shut too and even worse is that they fucking listened to him, like what the fuck?? And how always in discussions about only Rhysand keeping it from Feyre people always start talking about how Madja didnt tell her either, like dude this is a conversation about what an asshole Rhysand is and not about Madja, keep to the topic! And how people hate on Nesta for telling her, like fucking hell. Ive even seen people say that Rhysand not telling her is AS BAD as Nesta telling her to hurt her or whatever. Its just insane, I think I lose braincells every single time I see posts like those 🤯. Feyre literally says throughout the books multiple times how she hates when people choose for her or dont tell her something because they think it would be too much for her and Rhysand literally keeps one of the most important things from Feyre.

Also what the hell was that bullshit about Amren saying how Rhysand should be High King? Hes literally one of the worst options for it. Bro cant even handle 2/3 of his court 💀. And lets so many people suffer in Illyria and Hewn City even though he has had CENTURIES to change something. Honestly none of the IC even try to change something about the Hewn City, like are you seriously telling me that Mor was the only person who was good in that shithole? Whats even more insane is how Mor doesnt change anything about it when she had LIVED THERE for years and now has the power to do it! And Illyria, Cassian seems to be the only one who is actually trying to make it better even though its not really working. Why the hell cant healers heal wings but can heal someone whos guts are basically spilling out?? Hell why the hell doesnt anyone know about c-section? Just insane. What the hell does Rhysand even do for his court? Just sits on his ass and thinks only about Velaris? Because it seems like that.

And am I the only one who was mad how Rhysand chose to show off Feyre as if she was his plaything in the Hewn City. Like yeah yeah keeping up appearances or whatever but how the hell will they see Feyre seriously after that? I think Feyre was in the Hewn City two times and the second was when she was High Lady and Rhysand got her to sit on the throne after the first time he showed her off as his toy. You cannot convince me that the Hewn City residents take Feyre seriously and its all Rhysands fault.

Talking about keeping appearances, the whole 'mask' thing is so stupid. When someone doubts the IC intentions they have the fucking audacity to be mad about it as if they arent the ones who made sure eveyone thought they were all incredibly evil.

I dont even want to start talking about UTM and how fucked up it was.

People always say that he does things like these because he is 'morally grey' but to me hes just a toxic asshole. You dont write a 'morally grey' character and then excuse every fucked up thing he has done, its just not how it works.

Rhysand is literally the worst MMC ever and its insane how so many people say how wonderful he is, how he is the man of their dreams 💀, fucking worried about yall if you seriously think that.

Feyre should take Nesta, Elain and Nyx and get the fuck out of there because they all deserve so much better than this.

148 notes · View notes

nestaismommy · 1 year

Note

People act like Nesta put a gun to Feyre’s head and forced her to hunt. Feyre made her choice and shouldn’t fault her sisters for a decision she made. Or alternatively, she could have fucking pressured her father to actually provide for them rather than blame her sisters.

It’s really telling of Feyre’s character that she hung up a portrait of her neglectful, piece-of-shit father instead of her sister who literally went to the wall to try and get her back after she had been taken by Tamlin.

You’re so right!! The amount of people who say Nesta made Feyre hunt is crazy. Feyre chose to hunt, because of the promise she made to her mom. And you know what’s funny? Her mom never specifically told her to hunt, she just told her to take care of them. She could’ve done anything else. And it’s so clear she didn’t do it because she cared. Did she visit them to check if they are okay after she broke up with Tamlin? Nah, she visited them when she needed something from them. She allowed her “family” to disrespect her sisters. When Rhysand mentioned how her sisters “let” her hunt, she said that if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have been able to save him (and everyone else) from Amarantha. She didn’t say if she didn’t hunt, her family wouldn’t have been able to survive. She hated taking care of them. She did it because of that promise. She didn’t care when she was smiling like a freaking idiot because she’s excited to get some bat d!ck right after she told her sister she’ll isolate her, and called her embarrassing for just trying to cope.

Feyre in acomaf:

“No one was my master—but I might be master of everything, if I wished. If I dared.” ~ Feyre

When Feyre told Nesta she’ll have her building condemned in ACOSF:

Nesta tried to master her uneven breathing. One of the few choices she’d made for herself, stripped away. Feyre didn’t seem to care. Feyre had always been her own master. Always got whatever she wished. And now, it seemed, Feyre would be granted this wish, too.

It’s true, Feyre does get whatever she wants (because her mate is a high lord) and according to what I read in ACOFAS & ACOSF, it seems she literally just cares about her title.

#nesta archeron #pro nesta #pro nesta archeron #nesta deserves better #high queen nesta #nesta stan #nesta supremacy #nesta acosf #nesta #nesta acotar #nesta is a boss #nesta is a queen

141 notes · View notes

stargirlfeyre · 1 year

Note

I know there’s some certain bias to this coz I’m a Feyre stan but I truly believe anti-ICs and Nesta stans are the most unhinged fandom. And when I say unhinged, they would literally put anyone who’s against Nesta into hell. I once discussed criticism of Nesta while claiming I love her coz I really do but I’m also aware of her faults like I am with all of the characters but they freaking cussed at me and told me I don’t understand female rage or her trauma and it’s so triggering for me because you would really stoop that low for a character?! Call me certain names because I don’t “understand” Nesta?! It’s just so cruel. I’m not even attacking that person or that character but to really degrade me as a person over a fictional character is so triggering.

I wish for this fandom especially Nesta stans to actually consider that you are talking to a person and you are attacking a literal person over something that does not exist. I don’t care if she is something you relate to, the way you will cross boundaries and will literally spew rightouessness and morals of a character but you can’t even practice that in real life? Fuck you! I sincerely can’t take them seriously after that. The rage I have over that Nesta stan and their buddies ganging it up. Get off the internet if they’re going to act assholes about it.

No they’re literally like a fucking cult it’s insane. They preach about Feysands being horrible insensitive people but will then get their followers to jump someone because their too cowardly to argue by themselves. People tend to think they’re right in an argument when others agree with them. You ever notice how they’ll sometimes post screenshots of people’s post/comments instead of outright addressing that person? Username and everything? And usually that person gets harassed by hate anons. They’re really nothing but a bunch of weirdos who can’t fight battles unless someone is backing them up.

I don’t take this whole discussion of “female rage” and “trauma” seriously in this fandom. Especially when those terms are only thrown around when it’s time to defend Nesta’s disgusting behavior. I don’t know about y’all but I’ve never been so enraged and angry at the world that I then start being misogynistic, classist, and ableist. Nesta is a TERRIBLE example of female rage. She’s a great example of white female rage tho. Down to her entitlement and victim complex.

I feel like being in this fandom is a very easy way to get triggered. The main problem with people in this fandom is they don’t know how to deal or talk about heavy topics. They basically just don’t know how to be decent human beings. Nesta stans are just way too attached to her character to the point when it’s literally making them insane. You shouldn’t be insulting someone (who you don’t even know) because they don’t like ink on paper.

And the funniest thing about all of this is they genuinely don’t see how horrible they act. They don’t see anything wrong with their behavior. I can admit that some of the shit I say about these characters isn’t nice and can be taken the wrong way. Nesta fans will say the most degrading misogynistic shit about a female character and then will act confused when you tell them it’s weird. I try not to make conclusions about people behind a screen based on how they act online but I genuinely think in real life most of these people are insufferable.

5 notes · View notes

returntosaturn271995 · 8 months

Text

Tuesday, September 5th: Dolly, get me through

It's days like this that make me wish I smoked. Not that I regret having clean lungs and all, it's just something soothing to do with my hands while I look off into the sunset of a hard day's work. Had I been born in any other generation or simply a European country, I would have been a smoker. A leathery, yellow-toothed, halitosis-ridden BABE. Sexy as fuck as I chase the work day into night with my nicotine-shaking hands.

Instead, I had to settle for chewing a thumbnail off and taking one solitary toke of my joint because I have such a low tolerance for weed and am not drinking alcohol this month. Lame.

Today was a productive one though, with or without a little treat after. Dolly Parton's 9-to-5 was pumping from my Spotify while I worked my ass off from 6 am to 4 pm and took a 27-minute run on my lunch break (average pace 9 miles an hour).

Another indicator of things changing? My older pairs of jeans are all too tight. My muscle gain has left the delusional corners of my head and entered reality as they are now skin-tight. I felt proud of my slightly-less-chicken-like legs and threw out my old jeans. It was like the scene from ACOSF when Nesta needs new fighting leathers. In fact, a pair of leather leggings that I got from Aritzia years ago and kept for when I finally "got in shape", now fit me perfectly.

Today's Half-Baked Harvest meal was another bougie toast: I toasted some sourdough bread, coated the bottom with pesto sauce, broke a ball of burrata over it, sliced some rainbow cherry tomatoes, torn basil leaves, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, pepper, and sea salt. Mmmmm.

The guy who asked for my number at Palmy's yesterday followed up with a book recommendation. He's sweet but I'm literally going to therapy tomorrow because of how much I don't trust men. Seriously, I'm considering making any interested men put down a security deposit for all of the emotional damage to my ego. I'll thank him for the recommendation, but no more.

As my spiritual leader, Mathew McConaughey, has taught me: sometimes you need to give people a yellow light so you can have your green light in peace.

He was talking about putting boundaries on people interested in his fame, but either way, we don't feel like having a stranger fuck with our peace.

When I finally allowed myself to shut the laptop, I went outside to the lounger and laid back in my green floral dress with the sleeves and my hair around my shoulders. I meditated for 11 minutes on not letting anger, or any kind of emotion, create a feedback loop. To step back and acknowledge my emotions with compassion rather than step forward with absorption. Then my mind unpleasantly spiraled towards Morgan. It's been a year since we've talked.

I wonder who she's angrier at? Me for telling her the truth in an explosively bitchy way, or herself, for trying to cheat on Nathan blacked out? I suppose it doesn't matter. People leave your life for a reason, sometimes you leave theirs. I'm starting to realize that shit wasn't my fault. And that I probably would never have gotten this healthy if I hadn't stopped being the person I was back then. That includes the people I ran around in vicious circles with.

I forgive her. I forgive myself. No, I'm not reopening that chapter. I don't need everyone like I used to. When you're not your own friend, you'll accept some pretty shitty ones. When you're your own friend, you protect yourself enough that you don't go looking for chaos when you're understimulated. You don't confuse lack of purpose for boredom and you don't confuse boredom for loneliness or sex for company. Or drinking as a hobby.

Or a cigarette for a cherry.

0 notes

wingsandembers · 3 years

Text

I mean it’s funny that all the ship wars is over who gets to be with Azriel, who is literally the equivalent of Elain when it came to character development, yet he’s getting simped on while elain is getting called boring and uninteresting. Just like with elain and her gardening, until his bonus excerpt Azriel having the largest wingspan was his entire and only personality.

And it’s also, again funny, to see both pro and anti elain trying to turn elain into the new Nesta, with either giving her an evil theory arc or wishing she’d stand up to the IC (like for what, coz they didn’t hate her when she also didn’t do anything for her sisters???), or how she’s misunderstood like Nesta was, when elain is probably the least complicated and straightforward character in the series.

Does she have the ability to be as interesting as her sisters when given her own arc? Yeah definitely. But let her have her OWN arc, and not recycle pre-acosf Nesta theories on her.

And elain was terrible to nesta like most characters were to her post acowar, she failed nesta like she did with feyre but she’s getting away with that too. Just coz she gave her books to read aint the big gesture that makes up for everything else.

Cant want Elain to grow a backbone but at the same time refuse to have her own her mistakes, coz pre-acosf there was a sure loud demand for Nesta to admit and be punished for all her supposed crimes against feyre and the IC.

#acosf #elain archeron #Azriel #elriel #gywnriel #elain hating the ic standing up to them #being separated from the IC #that didn’t happen with nesta you think it would happen with elain 😂😂😂#I’ll defend elain with the shipping stuff #but when it comes to her as a sister to Nesta #she’s on her own coz she got away with murder for YEARS #like I don’t get the defense that she was too sheltered and therefore her mistakes and shortcomings are somehow Nesta’s fault too #like the fuck how this is nesta’s fault too when nesta was literally trying to save her from the cauldron #or getting taken advantaged of when she was on the brink of the suicide #when nesta set aside her own mental health to help her heal first #she became the adjusted one and was able to choose a quiet life coz her sisters made it possible for her #it’s not about her being too sheltered or coddled it’s her lacking accountability #I get the Sanaa stark in her #but we also yet to see her evolve the way sansa stark did #also sansa took responsibility and paid for her mistakes #not saying elain needs to be punished but she can’t or her stans can pass the blame on nesta for Elain’s shortcomings #cant blame nesta for both failing to protect one sister while protecting the other #nesta archeron

62 notes · View notes

meher-sumedha · 3 years

Note

gwyn and az go to see a movie (any genre)

Gwynriel Modern AU Headcanon : Movie

@aelingalathyniusrailme I have an exam tomorrow but this is more important. Also Fluff and Banter! And sexual tension, a lot of it. Also Azriel totally being in love with Gwyn.

"Azriel!",Gwyn shouted from outside his door. Gwyn banged on the door a few times, "Az what the hell is taking you so long!" ,Gwyn was about to bang on the door again when Azriel opened the door, and Gwyn stopped her hand midair.

Gwyn just froze for a moment, and Azriel smirked. "Like what you see Gwyneth?" Azriel asked and Gwyn cleared her throat and rolled her eyes, she then said, "Why the hell are you wearing a fucking suit to a movie?" And turned around to stop staring at him.

She then went to the kitchen and knew Azriel followed her. She took out a bottle of water and drank from it, waiting for Azriel to answer, "Well I was hoping to woo some girls" And Gwyn choked on her water and Azriel grinned evilly.

Gods she hated him and his damn pride. His pride was so big that it could probably feed all the poor people in the world. "Woo some girls? Who even uses that phrase anymore. And besides, don't u have like a ton of right swipes on your tinder account?" Gwyn asked, trying to not sound bitter.

"Well I do but still. One to one action is always the best, ", "Well won't a bar be better for that?" And Azriel stilled. He then tried to cover up his nervousness by saying, "Well I know the girl I wanna woo will be at the movies, " "Wow, stalk much?"

"Oh please, that's how Cassian and Nesta got married. If Cassian hadn't stalked Nesta all those years, then they probably wouldn't be together right now." Gwyn considered that for a moment before saying, "Hmm Alright. But then we don't match. I'll change into something more 'exciting."

And Gwyn went into her room. Azriel finally let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Gods he hoped Gwyn didn't think of him as a fucking whore. He was doing all this to impress her anyway. This suit, the smirking, he'd hoped it was enough to impress her. Cause impressing a 'medical' girl, wasn't nearly as easy as he'd thought.

He couldn't just flash his smile to get her to swoon at him. No, she was wayy to smart for his own good. And wayy out of his league too. But he knew he'd fallen in love with her since the day he'd seen her in the white lab coat cutting open a frog.

Cassian and Nesta only made it easier for him, as they'd simply exchanged places when Cassian got together with Nesta. Gwyn took Azriel's old room (she went into Cassian's room and even she couldn't handle the smell of it) and Azriel had taken Cassian's room while Cassian moved in with Nesta in her dorm.

And he was already studying law at Harvard so it was pretty hard for them to spend time together. But they always took out at least one day in a month as a day off without any studying and hung out together.

And now Azriel was hoping he'd impressed her and- WHOAAA, Azriel almost fell over when he saw Gwyn walk out of her room with a glittery top and a black skirt.

Tumblr media

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He should have never tried this.

Azriel was regretting his entire life right now. He shouldn't have worn a suit cause now Fucking Gwyneth is wearing that damn dress that has made blood rush to his cock and he Fucking hoped that Gwyn hadn't noticed. Fuck. The way Gwyn smirked, he knew that she knew exactly what that dress did to him, and what it could do to boys.

Azriel was no boy. He was a man. But seeing Gwyn in that damn dress had made all the hormones in his body go crazy. "Ready Shadowsinger?" Gwyn asked, referring to his surname and gods the way it rolled on her tongue made Azriel nervous even more.

"Yea- Yeah" Azriel managed to choke out before following Gwyn out the door.

And even as Gwyn was going to the parking lot, all the eyes were on her, and her backless top. Azriel saw some perverts staring at her, so he immediately put a hand behind her lower back, and gave those pervs a deathly glare.

And then they entered the car, while Gwyn put on her 'Sour' playlist. And Gwyn sang along to all the songs, the lyrics already memorized. And it was like someone possessed her whenever the song, 'brutal' came on. Gwyn was shaking her head, banging the head board and having the time of her life, while Azriel slowly giggled. God he loved that weirdo.

ALL I DID WAS TRY MY BEST

THIS THE KIND OF THANKS I GET

UNRELENTLESSLY UPSET

THEY SAY THESE ARE THE GOLDEN YEARS

BUT I WISH I COULD DISAPPEAR

EGO CRUSH IS SO SEVERE

GOD! IT'S BRUTAL OUT HERE!

wait a minute, no no no no, you don't love her, GET A GRIP YOU DON'T LOVE HER! Azriel tried to remind himself but then he noticed he was smiling while thinking that and fuck.

And now that the playlist was finished, Gwyn noticed his little smile and asked cheekily, "What's got you smiling like a little boy?" Azriel realized that and immediately got back into his cool demeanor, "Noth- nothing" He said, trying to play it off. Gwyn just smiled and then looked forward, and then suddenly started playing with Azriel's hair.

He knew she was staring at him while doing so, but he didn't move his head towards her, just let her play with his hair, massage it, it felt good, it felt nice.

And then he stopped the car, as they hd reached. He finally looked at her, to find that she was still staring at him. Everything was silent now, "You have really nice hair." She whispered and Azriel swore that he felt himself blush a little. Correction - a lot.

Gwyn just smiled at that and said, "I love making you blush." And Azriel was immediately more nervous now. She then forced his gaze to look at her.

He noticed they were so close now. That if they just moved a teeny bit closer, they'd kiss. And then Azriel suddenly blurted out, "We're here" Which caused Gwyn to move back and groan. Fuck. You could've kissed her! Why the hell didn't you? And the dumbass of the year award goes to Azriel, azriel thought. Azriel mentally kicked himself before moving out of the car.

Gwyn followed and Azriel locked his car. They both decided to see a movie known as, They Fault in Our Stars, as Gwyn had a thing for Romantic, and also because she'd already read the book and loved it.

Azriel just rolled his eyes but smiled while doing so at her obvious choice. They went inside the theatre and fuck was it cold. Azriel was surprised that after 5 whole minutes of being in the theatre, Gwyn asked, or commanded, "Give me your jacket.", "What?" Azriel pretended not to listen and he could feel Gwyn roll her eyes even in the dark.

"Azriel I swear to god if you don't give me your jacket right now I will literally burn all your clothes." And Azriel tried to stop himself from laughing, but failed miserably, "What's the magic word Gwyn?", "Give me your jacket", Gwyn said in a deadly calm.

Azriel scoffed and Gwyn was still shivering, "Magic word Gwyneth" And Gwyn huffed but finally said it through gritted teeth, "Please give me your jacket".

And Azriel smiled at her and finally gave her his jacket. He remembered the way their fingers touched and how soft her skin- GET A GRIP AZRIEL, he mentally reminded himself.

They then watched the movie in silence. Well Gwyn did, Azriel mainly watched Gwyn. The movie ended and they both walked out of the movie theatre. The ride back home was silent, Gwyn was slightly smiling and looked like she was in deep thought, and Azriel asked, "Did you like the movie?" He looked at her to see that she was simply looking forward at the road.

"Mhmm", "Did it live up to the book?" And after a moment of silence, Gwyn replied, "I think it did."

And the ride back home was silent. It was around 11pm right now, and they were simply walking around, Azriel staring at the way how oversized his coat looked on Gwyn. "I'm keeping your coat." Gwyn announced while kicking a stone. "Are you even asking or telling?" Azriel asked with a grin and Gwyn stopped and acted like she was hurt, "Do you even need to ask that Azriel?"

And Azriel smiled at her. Suddenly out of the blue Gwyn asked, "Do you like me?" And Azriel froze in his spot, "Why- why do you ask?", "I don't know, I think you do, " Oh, oh. Was it that obvious, he thought.

"Well do you like me?" Azriel asked, not confessing as he really didn't want to be rejected today. And then Gwyn came up to him. And kissed him.

She took his shirt in her hands, and pulled him down to her level. The kiss was soft but rushed. Her lips were soft yet fast. He couldn't think about anything else except her lips on his. Except the way her body felt pressed against his. It was pure ecstacy, and it was an indescribable phenomenon, an unearthly experience.

He knew she was inexperienced, and then he realized that this was her first kiss. Wedding bells started going off in the distance, oh fuck.

Gwyn then broke the kiss, tried to smirk but Azriel could see the bright red blush on her cheeks as red as her hair, "I hope that answers your question." And then they walked in silence, but Azriel, he intertwined their fingers, he couldn't tell her that he liked her. He literally couldn't, it's like his mouth froze at that.

But he hoped, that this small action let her knew, that he liked her too. And by the way Gwyn was smiling, he knew it did.

54 notes · View notes

confused-as-all-hell · 3 years

Text

Rowan Whitethorn

“You collect scars because you want proof that you are paying for whatever sins you've committed. And I know this because I've been doing the same damn thing for two hundred years. Tell me, do you think you will go to some blessed Afterworld, or do you expect a burning hell? You're hoping for hell--because how could you face them in the Afterworld? Better to suffer, to be damned for eternity.”

Rowan Whitethorn, arrogant and powerful and fierce. The Fae Warrior, Prince of Doranelle, King of Terrasen. A male who had held death in his arms, who loved a queen without her crown, who had a laugh like midsummer thunder.

He was by no account perfect. His love was scarce, his warmth thinner still. His tongue was edged in steel. His temper is rivaled by none.

Rowan has his faults, but the primary source of his hatred is his appearance. People pick on him for being white and for being muscular, as if being either of the two is awful. I understand how several white characters might spark frustration, but (I say this as a woman of colour, myself) that is a fucking bullshit reason to hate him. He did not rummage through a box and draw out the label reading “white.” This is how Sarah J Maas chose to write him.

Rowan might have a more muscular build than average, but that’s literally the entire point. We are shown he trains and works out strenuously, as well as eats certain food to keep himself fit. He is careful with himself, and genuinely puts in the necessary work to retain his muscle. He is a trained warrior that has lived for hundreds of years, of course he’s going to have accumulated strength. Do not attempt to dissuade me on this topic, as I know from personal experience the effects of working out.

Yes, he is out of the ordinary in terms of his looks. Silver hair, green eyes, skin made tan by the sun. But he is always described as handsome from Aelin’s point of view, and have none of you ever been in love? Your boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other is always staggeringly attractive through your lenses. His face is never written as angelic or perfect, however, and Rowan is thought of as extraordinary but not impossible.

Allow male characters to be stunning without detesting them for it, as you would females. I have too often seen people (the same people who praise Nesta or Gwyn for being beautiful) write long-ass posts on why Rowan just isn’t realistic. Maybe it isn’t. But if you opened a fantasy novel expecting realism, I will find myself amused. Rowan is fae, for fuck’s sake. Sarah J Maas wrote them to be attractive.

Another point of speculation is Rowan’s initial dislike of Aelin. He is thought of as abusive, which I will blatantly disagree with.

When Aelin first arrived in Mistward, she and Rowan were not friends. They were not associates. They were two grief-stricken, trauma-ridden characters with awful coping methods and no hope to be seen. Over time, they began to work together, and that begrudging respect blossomed into friendship.

Did they detest one another? Yeah, they did.

And then they realized the full extent of their comments, how wrong they were to be so awful, and they made their peace with it. The point of that dislike was to give them both character arcs, to show they grew from the furious, miserable, bleeding shells of themselves.

They grew from that pain.

Hatred became acceptance, acceptance became respect, respect became friendship, friendship became love. They did not love each other instantly, nor should they have. It was slow, and they learned from the mistakes they made, they apologized for them.

Their romantic relationship (nor platonic) was never toxic. It was always mutual communication and understanding and “I will be here for you, but I will not dive in to fix all your problems.” It was concern and support and admiration. It was “I will sit with you, and I will light my lamps to banish the dark.”

Does Rowan worry after Aelin often? Yes, of course.

But have none of you ever been in love? During times of strife, of terror, you’re always calling in to make sure they’re okay, they’ve dealt the day’s cards. Rowan worried after Aelin, but he never, ever suppressed her. He allowed her to go about on her daily business, he just wished he could accompany for the more dangerous activities. It was not coddling or stifling her, it was wishing for her safety.

Let Rowan worry over his best friend (now wife) without being detested for it.

Had my own best friend put herself in danger, I would have her head for it. I don’t know who told you only friends can worry over your safety, but they lied. Rowan is entitled to being angry at Aelin when she leaves in the dead of night and comes back drenched in blood.

If it was Aedion who was furious, would you have such a problem with this?

For fuck’s sake, a significant other is just your bestest friend who loves you romantically rather than platonically.

Rowan proves time and time again he will always stand beside Aelin; when he pleaded for his cousins’ aid in the war, when he was prepared to give his life for her during QoS, when he was always, always, always there to lend a hand.

He extended a hand... but she was always the one to take it.

He was respectful and courteous of her every boundary, and she his. They never waded too deep into each other’s pasts, never pried or tried to lift that barricade. They gave each other space, understanding.

Yes, I heard you, they didn’t have the best start. But the point of character arcs is to start in a bad place and haul oneself out. It wouldn’t have worked if Rowan was this sweet, gentle, warm character from the very beginning who kissed Aelin’s ass.

Rowan’s wife and unborn child had died, and he was forced to shoulder that burden alone. He was forced to deal with his war trauma alone. He was made into a monster, and he felt he deserved nothing less.

Rowan acted harshly towards Aelin because a few of her comments were triggering and insensitive towards his trauma, and if we can find it in ourselves to forgive Nesta Archeron (who I love very much, don’t attack me) we can forgive him for dealing badly with his issues.

Just because he is a male, and he doesn’t cry or scream or outwardly show his hurt, we have seen from his part of view that he loved Lyria, and Aelin is so different from her, but he loves them both and his guilt is awful.

His being protective over Aelin is a product of his trauma. He left his wife alone, and she was promptly murdered, alongside his unborn son or daughter. Don’t you think it still frightens him to leave Aelin be, especially in their current war state? Even still, I can think of around two occasions where he was protective, and not one more.

What I’m trying to say is, Rowan is allowed to be flawed and PTSD-ridden and hurting.

What I’m trying to say is, he can make mistakes and fuck up from time to time.

What I’m trying to say is, he is worthy of love all the same.

101 notes · View notes

surfalldaybaby · 3 years

Text

First this fandom is so fucking toxic it’s honestly hard to read posts or want to interact with people anymore. Some of yall I’m legit worried about how you see and interact with other people. You’re posts seem to lack so much compassion, objectivity, and have such a hard core judgements on morality.

Yall acting like Mor is the devil when all she did throw Nestas bad attitude in her face. She put her in her place after Mor tried to reach out to Nesta- did y’all forget- and Nesta was unreasonabley rude and cold back to Mor.

Nesta was treating Cassian like shit during the war so Mor told Nesta to go clean up with the same tone of voice. I would be defensive over my friend as well if some girl I don’t know was debasing his name based on being of a lesser bloodline. Like what the fuck?

Literally there hasn’t been ANY other circumstance to show Mors disrespect except for in the recent chapters.

The Hewn City comment was a lot but she is also a survivor of assault, seen Nesta be cruel to Feyre and Cassian, seen her alienate Elain, and watched her spend her courts money on booze and gambling when the people of her court, the people she loves are still suffering from the invasion. I don’t blame Mor for disliking Nesta. Nestas attitude directly correlates with the lack of care and cruelty that she saw and experienced in the Hewn City. We only know Nesta isn’t really like that because we see her POV and know more of her story. Mor doesn’t. Yall exagérate and dramatize the mutual dislike or apathy they have and use any single excuse to hate Mor. It’s disgusting. Just say you hate women who don’t do exactly as you would like and leave.

Mor is a survivor. She was almost murdered and raped at 17-18 after being abused by her family for her whole life. She turned that darkness in her into something beautiful and kind and forgiving but she isn’t always rational in that thinking. Y’all forgive nestas blatant lack of ability to get past her trauma and all the dysfunctionality that that causes but put a time limit on Mors trauma and judge her reactions to everything. You can’t put a time limit on someone’s grief or trauma! She was saved by Cassian and Az and Rhys and for 500 years they made a family and yall seem to think that relationship can be torn down or diminished because of Nesta? No. Trauma, abuse, and healing looks different for everyone and who the fuck are you to judge her? If you wanna judge Mor are you also going to judge Nesta for spending money that should have been used to rebuild innocent people’s houses and lives and help their children and instead went to seedy bars and gambling? Instead went to taking precious resources and basically shitting on everything that they mean? No I don’t think you are gonna judge for her that. Just because youre biased and have a prejudice against Mor doesn’t mean you are vindicated or correct. Try to be objective.

Even more disgusting some of you ship Eris, Mors abuser, with Nesta, a victim of abuse. That is fucking unbelievabley disgusting and startlingly cruel. You would want nesta to be a relationship with the one person Mor still cannot speak to or look at because he almost murdered her and incited so much fear in her that it’s taken her 500 years to grow event a little bit of strength back? I can’t get past that ever. You know who also can’t get past that. Cassian or any of the inner circle. For good fucking reason.

Mor is the seeming exact opposite of Nesta and she conforms to a lot of societal norms that Nesta doesn’t, so it’s interesting to see how once that dynamic was solidified people jumped on the bandwagon to hate Mor specifically while being infatuated and seeing no faults or wrongdoing with Nesta. When the characters are literally all written to have faults.

If you really want to say you hate her because of Cassian and how she and Cass treat Nesta they treat her like she treats them, a little standoffishish, rude and observant.

For most of the books Mor is said to have just ignored Nesta like literally that’s it. She doesn’t make comments when Feyre or Cassian speaks about her she minds her business until this moment when ALL the inner circle was speaking about what to do with Nesta.

As of right now there is no Nessian. It doesn’t exist. There’s a bond but Mor isn’t acting like she’s Cassians best friend friend and Nesta doesn’t matter. ITS THE REALITY. Mor is acting like she’s acted with Cassian for 500 years and he hasn’t told her to back off. That’s on him. Friends who flirt, friends who love eachother as viciously as they love eachother are not going to relent on their affection for some woman who continually is disrespectful and questions Cassians worth because of his bastard status- which is Inherently racist but y’all seem to gloss over that. Nesta is not worth that right now because she is still not a good person. Objectively nesta is not a good person she has lots of faults that even the author has said need to be brought up and worked through. She has a lot to be sorry for. I honestly think once Nessian is solidified, if it is, Mor will 100% back up on the obvious affection and blurred boundaries. As of now she hasn’t had too.

Pretty disgusting y’all hold genders to different standards. Mor and Nesta are very similar and it’s wild how y’all pick and choose whose trauma is ignored or applauded and whose is explored and ridiculed. You can’t hate one female for doing the same thing as another, holding one female up as if she can’t do anything wrong. HOLD THE SAME ENERGY!

138 notes · View notes

vidalinav · 3 years

Text

I think the reason why I abhor the Inner Circle now has nothing to do with Nesta, but the way that they have no consequences for their actions, regardless of Nesta.

I can admit that Nesta has flaws, but Nesta has suffered the consequences immensely, whether she deserved all of them or not, because she was painted as a “bad” character that “belonged to Hewn City” that was “a waste of life,” that was “embarrassing,” who needed to straighten her attitude, because she was ruining relationships or not gaining them by being mean or verbally aggressive or pushing people away, regardless of the trauma she had. At some points it was a healing arc, at some points it seemed more like a retribution, which largely depended on what other characters were present. Like that was her accountability. Eris, because he’s treated as a “villainous”/ morally grey character, has consequences. Because no one trusts him even when he actually does okay. Because he suffers in silence. Because people hate on him and that he has no one. Tamlin, even has consequences, because again he’s alone. He’s bitter, he’s having an emotionally hard time. He doesn’t have a court anymore. All things that he may or may not have caused himself, but he was painted as the bad guy and so he suffers like the bad guy. Lucien, who didn’t really do anything, but like once in ACOMAF, suffers consequences, because he’s not welcome for a time being anywhere, and now he’s sort of roaming. Jurian, has consequences, because well... everything that happened to him, which you know personally is not really deserved because you know human slavery. So all of them, have or had consequences for their own actions. Other characters, namely the IC, thought of them badly at some point or still do, and they were ostracized in such a way that they paid or are paying essentially for their “crimes.”

Which to me is perfectly fine, IF, the people who are “good” but did “bad” things also have to suffer consequences. Even narratively, like feeling bad... showing remorse... feeling guilty... other people yelling at them... making them understand the other POV... cosmic punishment... something awful happening to them because they did this... other people not thinking well of them. Anything!

BUT THEY DON’T. And this is where the imbalance is very noticeable, and unfortunately to me makes the IC look really bad, even in the narrative’s pursuit of pushing this idea that they’re very good.

Which you know might be a POV thing (or SJM’s favoritism but I digress), but Rhys for example is a trash ruler. He may not be bad to Feyre. He may be caring to some people. He may want to put his family first. He may care about the little city he lives in, but on a regular basis he wants to burn Hewn City down. Why he still has that city? Idfk. Why everyone in that city is painted to be a bad person? I don’t know either. He may have outlawed clipping, but on a regular basis there’s still a shit ton of crimes against females. He has a city and a temple full of proof, and the explanation for that is that well... there are consequences. But what are they? And also, why are there not more infrastructures to stop this? Like I understand that the Illyrians are a traditional people, but is that the excuse we’re going with? Which of course, he’s only one person, this is not his fault, but now he’s literally trying to have a whole ass country sign a peace treaty for what reason? Is there a reason he’s not focusing on the problems of his OWN court like they don’t exist? His own inner circle have so many problems, and what is happening with them? Why the hell did he make that promise to die with Feyre, but also why didn’t he tell anyone about it just in case. Because he’s literally the ruler of a court. Let’s not forget that instead of being just a strong-willed High Lord who’s just and fair and who’s trying to do what’s right by his people, he’s still putting on an act. Why? He’s the most powerful person, they say ALL THE TIME. He clearly is not. Let’s not forget that he has done so much crime, and what really were his consequences? Like if Nesta can’t be excused by her trauma, Rhys CANNOT be excused by his trauma, except Rhysand’s actions were in the range of murder and Nesta’s was being mean lol. So I think it’s hilarious that to the IC at least he’s fucking fantastic. Like okay.

Amren, as another example, basically works in the same way as Nesta. Where she is harsh, but people put up with it. But again, Nesta is looked at very harshly, and Amren is not??? Even when she’s sort of a tyrant and she’s a... little bit of a colonizer and she doesn’t really give people respect. And she’s shown to be a bit of a... do as I say type of person by any means necessary even deceit and manipulation which is not frowned upon even with “friends.” What are her consequences? Even in Nesta’s POV she takes a knee. Does that make sense?

Going even into just inter group dynamics, Mor for example, is not very... should I say? Honest. I hate to villainize her like the whole thing is her fault, because it’s obviously not. But... she literally is playing with a man’s feelings and knows she’s playing with a man’s feelings, but she doesn’t tell him because??? Like she doesn’t even have to tell him why, but she hasn’t told Azriel she doesn’t like him? And then she also got Cassian involved... I mean, it’s Cassian’s fault for that, you know, cause she didn’t force him, but... uhh. And then, let’s not forget that Mor was awful to Nesta in ACOWAR, when Nesta was actually pretty decent to Cassian. They had many moments. She saw those moments. And Mor was not nice AT ALL. Cut the crap, of saying oh Mor was just protective of Cassian because Nesta was mean. No she wasn’t! Or you’re forgetting an entire fucking book. She may seem like that now, but that was a change of character to be honest, I don’t know where that came from, because in the beginning of that book she was an awful person, and in ACOWAR she was not a benevolent person either. But where are her consequences????? Actually she has a bit, because you know Eris points it out a lot, that she’s a liar. Nesta says she’s a hypocrite. She’s dealing with her father, she has to hide who she is to fit in the group which is sort of changing her narrative. So, I count that as some form of consequence, which is probably why I don’t hate her too much. I understand her a bit, but damn... she was not that bright and bubbly and who’s really going to call her out on that?

Sigh... Onto the next one. My love. Cassian.

I know he’s loving and very sweet. But he has his head so far up the IC’s ass, that I’m like ugh...Mostly my critique with him is that he gets to say everything he wants even when it’s horrible and down right dramatic, to a girl who already hates herself, and who he learns hates herself and if he was smarter he could have connected those dots way earlier and that she was suffering thoughts of not wanting to exist because she obviously was by her ACTIONS, and still he says the most horrible things. Sure, he offers remorse, but like... we didn’t even see him apologize. Like I hate that Nesta can say horrible things, and omg Nesta’s mean. But Cassian says horrible things, and it’s like omg Nesta what did you say? I mean that’s how the narrative was structured. Nesta said something about Rhys it wasn’t even that big, “everyone hates you.” Nesta offers some anxiety about the mating bond, “I’m shackled to you.” Like... yikes. She doesn’t want to accept his gift, “I don’t understand why your sisters love you.” Sigh... I love Cassian but damn, he literally has no consequences. No one is calling him out, no one thinks bad of him, nothing. He’s the sweet, lovable guy and nothing else. Psssh. I mean, he mostly says this only to Nesta, but Nesta isn’t going to think bad of him, which is not right. Because he sucks sometimes, and what? Nesta needs to learn to take the pain of his insults. Okay.

Elain, is not technically an IC member, and tbh I don’t know who the hell she is or what she feels, so I can’t talk about her too much. Except for the fact, that she is also not the greatest person in the world. I know that you cannot expect your sibling to hold the world for you, but as people have pointed out, Nesta was not asking her to help her with her own trauma, she was asking for time to heal, like Nesta had done for Elain. Because Nesta protected Elain’s ability to heal. And when Nesta tells her this, she just doesn’t understand and doesn’t seem to care about understanding her POV, and cries and once again Nesta is the bad guy. And then you know she offers that “you only care about what my trauma did to you.” Another lack of understanding, because Nesta is fearful of the cauldron, and her own sister doesn’t stick up for her when the IC are obviously trying to push her into something she’s saying and showing she’s not comfortable with. I don’t see how you cannot see this scene as a manipulation, when it is outright said that they would use Elain later to do that. And tbh if Elain really wanted to do something she could at any moment, no one is stopping her. I mean Nesta may put up some fight, but if Elain wants it she can have it. She’s not an uwu baby. But the scene did show that no matter what Nesta feels, once again Elain is the victim and Nesta is the one in the wrong. And then later when Nesta is trying again when she goes to solstice, which you know based on logical reasoning, would have been probably hard for her, Elain is like “Did Feyre pay you to come? Be nice.” Sigh... And still, Elain is the sweet one and Nesta is the one who deserves that. Even in her own narrative, Nesta doesn’t deserve anything. What are Elain’s consequences? I certainly hope Nesta and Elain are not close to begin with in the next books, because I honestly feel that Elain now has proven twice that she is not helpful. Just like Nesta didn’t help Feyre, Elain didn’t either, though Nesta paid for that a lot in other people’s opinions of her, which they did not hold against Elain. But now she also didn’t help Nesta. But both Feyre and Nesta have helped Elain, and they’re both now considered to have “coddled” her like what wack shit? Isn’t that just another way that they excuse Elain for not taking accountability of her own life? Is that not also making her a victim of other people? When again, if she really wanted to fight or go somewhere or do something, who would stop her? The perspective on Elain is very weird. Anyway.

I’d also say Azriel doesn’t suffer any consequences. For obvious reasons, because he seems to torture people and no one bats an eye, but also because he seems to have such a weird mindset even it’s not outright stated. Again with the whole Mor situation, how has no one told him that holding onto this crush is fucking creepy and counterintuitive to the mindset of family they’re trying to create? Like you visibly made someone obviously uncomfortable, and nothing? No one calls you out. No one thinks bad of you, even Mor, the one uncomfortable. So weird!!!

But basically what I’m trying to say, is not that I hate these characters, because they’re very interesting to read, even if the quality of writing is so-so compared to other SJM’s series. They’re not totally bad or villains but they definitely do some stuff that should probably be recognized as something wrong, because all of them are morally grey characters. Just the lack of understanding they showed Nesta should be something that is called out, the lack of understanding they don’t really show each other for those who call themselves family. No one had to be accountable in this book, except Nesta. Which is odd, I think, because there’s two POVs, and Nesta has a problem with everyone which are not entirely her fault. Because the opinions of other people, at their core, are the responsibility of the other people. They could have chosen to be more understanding, but they didn’t. They could choose to be better people, but they don’t. And I’d say that the lack of accountability that the IC have contribute to them never changing. Now, this may change with more books. But at least in this book, this idea is not promising. We got no scenes of the IC talking to Cassian or Nesta like they understood or empathized or changed their mind about anything, none that made them seem like they felt guilty or wrong. Even Rhys went into Nesta’s head and saw all of her trauma, and then still said he wanted to kill her because of a situation he, himself, created. This book was a mess. But they’re messy characters which might be because of poor plotting, but could be on purpose. Idk.

But the point I’m trying to make is that the more the idea is pushed that the IC are these good, benevolent people, who do no wrong, who are the saviors, the more I think they’re horrible people. Because all of things they do that are wrong don’t get held against them. They don’t have to pay for that crime. And if they did have to be accountable for those mistakes, for their own thoughts and actions, I would hate them a lot less. But I think this is also why I tend to like SJM’s “villains” or “asshole characters” more than her “good” characters because the assholes get to grow and the good characters just get more annoying. But it remains to be seen I guess. I certainly hope they have some more development, but not holding my breath... Just my opinion, which I don’t know if I articulated well. So... Anyway

#it is what it is #anti sjm #anti inner circle #nesta archeron #nessian #long post #anti rhysand #to be safe #all antis

115 notes · View notes

bookofmirth · 3 years

Note

I haven't read ACOSF yet, and tbh I'm rather rusty with the characters but it was really interesting to read your opinion on Elain! I feel there's a lot of complexity to her. And how she presents herself as well because as you said we literally have no chapters from hers or Lucien's POV and I think that's the important point to note because right now we're all just guessing and assuming her to be like Feyre, but she's not. People deal/show their traumas in different way and l think people expect Elain to deal with it as Feyre did. But, Feyres trauma and Elains are very different!

I don't really know what I'm saying. But I read your answer and it made me go 'oh... Huh!' in a good way, it sparked my curiosity! So thank you! But I think Elain perhaps is the most complex person with their trauma. I know people say 'oh Nesta is so different' but (I specialised in drama therapy so I love psycho analysis) and what Nesta did is self destructive to prevent relationships to avoid hurt or more emotions that she doesn't want to acknowledge (in my opinion!)

Elain just shuts down. She doesn't drink, she doesn't screw, she just remains in her garden which in itself says a lot! That's a very grounding way to handle trauma and not a lot of people are aware of that side!

So yeah I don't know what I'm saying but I think it's a really interesting discussion!

I have so many thoughts about Elain! This took me a few days to get to because i knew I had a crapton of thoughts. So this is basically me using this ask to explain the way I see Elain post-acosf!

There are three important scenes in acosf off the top of my head: when Elain talks with Nesta and they fight, and then with Nesta and Feyre and she gets mad and leaves, and then Feyre and Rhys talk about her in their chapter. We’re getting a lot more information about her, and for me, it wasn’t so much about who she is, but why we don’t know who she is.

So far, what we’ve had is Feyre’s and Nesta’s POV. Even when Feyre and Lucien tried to help her in acowar, they were unable. So we’ve never had anything about Elain from someone who didn’t grow up with her and experience the same trauma (such as becoming destitute, their mother’s death, their father being beaten, the Cauldron, etc.)

The sisters do handle it very, very differently. And I think that at this point the fandom consensus is that Elain runs away from her problems, but I actually disagree, and partly because of what you mentioned - that she isn’t using those self-harming, destructive coping mechanisms. Nesta was avoiding her problems, hardcore. It’s absolutely possible that Elain avoids things, but I don’t think that she just runs from all of her problems because:

Elain grieves her father. Openly. She tries to accept the fact that it wasn’t her fault and that she couldn’t do anything about it. (See: her going to his grave in acofas, her first talk with Nesta in acosf.) Elain does not run from her grief, she doesn’t pretend it doesn’t exist, and she doesn’t hide it from others. As one of the most defining events we’ve seen her go through in the series, that’s a pretty big deal.

Elain does not cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms. There could be ways that she does this that we are unaware of. She does seem like the type who would be really, really good at making people think she’s okay, all while she’s silently imploding. But we don’t know that yet?

Elain does not isolate herself.

However, Elain definitely needs to deal with some stuff! She definitely needs to deal with Lucien, and she needs to have an actual talk with Nesta because I don’t remember a single satisfying resolution between those two in acosf. Not like Nesta had with Feyre.

I have this idea that is purely based on Elain’s line in acosf:

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow, all you think of is what my trauma did to you.” (pg. 233)

And then Feyre tells Nesta that yes, Elain was right.

This is so so so sossosososos important. I cannot emphasize it enough. Elain is used to putting on a fake, smiling face because she doesn’t want the weight of her sisters’ concern. She has been pretending to cope for so long - and tbf, she seems to have been doing better than Nesta - that people not only forget that she has suffered, but she doesn’t feel like she can even express that suffering.

Emotional labor often means negating one’s own feelings in order to acknowledge or tend to someone else’s. And that is Elain’s major role, in the series. Feyre has been caring for everyone’s physical wellbeing (hunting), while Elain’s role has been to care for everyone’s emotional wellbeing. But, like with most emotional labor, it has gone unnoticed.

I’ve made posts about emotional labor in the past (four years ago!!!!) but I’m gonna spare you the link because a lot of it was about a ship that’s no longer a ship, so here is the relevant content:

What I am talking about is the regulation of emotion - any time that you give comfort, are especially attentive to someone’s needs, stop thinking about how you feel in order to focus on how someone else feels, try to cheer someone up, make sure that they are taking care of themselves, try to allay their insecurities, etc. Basically, helping them with any sort of emotional distress.

You know those posts you’ve seen, about women protecting men’s egos constantly? Or about making time for self-care? Or about recognizing toxic relationships? That tell you “if X is being demanded of you in a relationship, get out”? Those are ALL about emotional labor, broadly speaking. They are warning you not to do more than you can handle, more than you need to do, because it can be harmful to you.

If you have ever been expected to make a person or people feel better any time you are around each other (including when they are angry, upset, anxious, ill, frustrated, insecure, etc.), you have performed emotional labor. Pretty much everyone has done this at some point, unless you are a completely insensitive jerk.

Notice, though, that I said expected to and any time you are around them – this is where the problem comes in for YOU. This is not about just being there for a friend.

Making loved ones feel better is fantastic. Seeing people be polite and kind to one another makes my heart shine. That is not a problem in and of itself. That can be seen as emotional labor, but there are no requirements on you in those circumstances. This is something you are doing of your own free will.

The problem, again, is when this is expected, constantly, over time. Now, in my experience, the expectation is not necessarily coming from the other person. One of the problems with this type of labor is that not only do others expect women to perform these tasks, but women expect it of themselves.

It’s super easy to see this – who is expected to take care of a child when they fall? Who is expected to baby-sit? Who did you want when you were sick as a child, mom or dad? Who is expected to be sensitive and pay attention to others’ emotions?

For more info on this idea specifically, read Of Woman Born by Adrienne Rich. As a woman, I realized how much work I had been performing and how much it was harming me and I just… got real upset. She comes at this mostly from what a woman’s role is expected to be within the family, and might actually be a bit outdated in that respect because I feel like family structures and dynamics are shifting (that is a totally un-academic evaluation of the situation, don’t quote me on that), but still, it’s really informative.

While I was doing some research for this post I came across a peer-reviewed article about nursing and basically, high amounts of emotional labor led to anxiety and burn-out in those performing it. It literally will cost your mental health – not to mention your time, energy, attention, and it often requires you to ignore your own needs (this last part came from me, not the article). On the other hand, high levels of emotional intelligence (being able to recognize your own and others’ emotional states) meant less emotional labor (and therefore less anxiety & burn-out). One of the most important things to realize is that while you are taking care of someone else’s emotional needs, your own are frequently unmet. That is why it’s important to recognize this in yourself, not just in these characters.

So where does Elain fit in? Elain is the #1 emotional labor provider of the family, and she is about to freaking SNAP. I know, because once I realized how my trauma was hidden in order to spare someone else its consequences, I fucking SNAPPEd. I’ll also spare you the personal details, but Elain hasn’t been “okay”. She hasn’t been “boring”, or “nice”, or “chosen” Feyre over Nesta. She has literally been unable to express herself because (and I am NOT blaming Nesta or Feyre or her father one bit) her family’s emotional state has been so fragile, there hasn’t been room for Elain to feel or express her emotions in years.

In the feysand short, Rhys says:

I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.

And that completely tracks. Everyone has gotten used to Elain being not just “nice”, but being the emotionally predictable one. The one they know they can go to for a smile. The one they can count on for never, ever making them realize that she has been through Some Shit Too. And being that person is exhausting.

When Feyre thinks about Elain not using Lucien’s gloves, 1) she still has them, otherwise she couldn’t think about Elain not using them, and 2) I like to see the gloves as something that she will come to use, once she realizes that she can feel and express those emotions without it causing a breakdown in the family. Right now, she just wants to feel. And she can’t do that emotionally, so she’s doing it physically. Once she heals and finds a better balance, she won’t need to resort to physical pain. (Which, lowkey has me thinking some other thoughts, but.... maybe later.) But anyway, once Elain does go through her very own special journey, I fully expect her to welcome those gloves. She won’t need physical pain to feel anymore.

Not to mention my completely unacademic and non-professional opinion that people will judge a nice women harshly for being rude once, but accept a woman with a history of rudeness for just “being that way”. It’s another way that Elain may feel trapped in her “nice girl” persona. I think she started out that way - kindness and light and generosity is 100% in Elain’s character in the first place. It’s not as if she went into the Court of Nightmares and suddenly Cassian thought, “wait, she fits right in to this shithole of depravity”. No, he still thought the literal opposite. It’s just that once people get used to you doing all their emotional labor, they will continue to take advantage of it, even if they don’t realize its cost.

#elain #acosf #acosf spoilers #spoilers #ask #PHEW I needed to get that off my chest too #midnight-wonder

90 notes · View notes

desertofsnowflakes · 3 years

Text

Incorrect Order Chapter 4 (Nessian AU)

Tumblr media

A/N: I know I haven't been able to update as fast as you'd want me to but I'll try to fix that. Your comments and feedbacks are very much appreciated. Do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: None really

1652words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The best way to keep whatever problems one has out of their mind was to do something they liked. That was the only way Cassian kept from spiraling. Since sending the woman to her own house, Cassian had more than a few moments when he wanted to repeatedly slam his head against a wall. That’s why he spent most of his time sparring with Azriel. He won’t admit he was simping for that woman in his free time too. Or maybe that was always.

Now, sprawled on a couch in front of the TV, with nothing to do but stare at a blank screen, Cassian led his thoughts to the box he kept all unwanted thoughts locked in. He thought about Tomas, her ex-boyfriend. Funny, he thought. I know her ex's name but not hers.

It took him a little too long the other day to realise they didn't exchange names. Again. He once thought that maybe she was purposely not giving him her name. That maybe, for her, he was just a random stranger who happened to save her life. He snorted. Surely anyone would know the name of the person they saved or was saved by— stranger or not. He supposed he'll have to make do with pronouns for now.

After she left his home, it took every scrap of self-restraint not to beat this Tomas dude to pulp and let him rot in the same alley he had the misfortune of meeting him in. He may or may not have been the cause for some extra injuries. Cassian appreciated the woman’s attempt at mercy. He, however, didn’t trust Tomas at all. He was dubious about just handing him over to the police. Who’s to know he won’t frame him and the woman for absurd things? Anyway, he left a note in Tomas’s house saying something like “Step out of line, lose your favourite part of anatomy. Name it and have it for your meal.” He made sure he printed so that no one would recognise his writing. Yet, all this didn’t calm his nerves one bit. He presumed he’ll have to stay on guard for some time now.

Now, back to the girl. He sighed. He didn’t dare change the sheets in his guest bedroom. He didn’t even let Mor use the room when she came over last weekend— which he could bet created suspicion. No, that room was only open when he craved her scent. He even realised one of his shirts was missing. He shrugged it off thinking he would've left it somewhere and just couldn't find it. Once she came to his house, he was constantly thinking about her. So much that now he started pinching himself often. It was the only way he could stop thinking about her— by creating physical pain.

Cassian glanced at the clock on the wall. 2.30 in the afternoon. He walked to the refrigerator and checked his freezer compartment. Huh. No ice-cream. He sighed, grabbed his jacket and keys and headed to the mall to get an ice-cream with a pout. He’ll have to leave for Rhys and Feyre’s first anniversary only around 5.30 to prepare everything. He has enough time to get an ice-cream and probably hang out for some time. Good enough to stop thinking about her. Or so he thought.

***

Nesta wasn’t sore anymore. Her headache was gone almost a week after the incident. Her nose didn’t hurt anymore. Okay, maybe a little bit. It didn’t hurt unless she bumped her nose against something. Today, her nose was dully throbbing because she hit her nose against a pillow yesterday. A very, very soft pillow and yet it hurt this much.

The man’s first-aid and medicines were really helpful.

It really wasn’t fair that he excelled at basic first aid too. It wasn’t fair that he looked so good. With black tattoos swirling over generously muscled arms and shoulder-length dark hair curling at the edges and gloriously tanned skin and hazel eyes with minute flecks of green and brown when taken a closer look at and dimples and—

A quiet “Who is it?” snapped Nesta out of her moping. She looked up to see Gwyn walking to her.

“Who is what?” she asked, feigning nonchalance. Gwyn's pursed lips and glare conveyed that her act wasn't enough.

“Who are you thinking about?” Gwyn clarified.

“What makes you think I'm thinking about someone?” Nesta retorted.

Gwyn sat on the chair next to her and started assisting with classifying the unceremonious heap of books on the table to be kept back in its correct positions on its own rack.

“Nesta,” Gwyn sighed, “Clotho assigned you this stack almost an hour ago. And you've barely finished a third of the stack. Normally, you'd finish stacks bigger than this in an hour. So there's clearly something.”

“It wasn't anyone,” Nesta mumbled.

As usual, Gwyn saw through her lie. “You were twirling your hair,” she said flatly.

Heat inched up her neck. “I was not!”

Gwyn murmured a “uh-huh” and they lapsed into an easy silence till they were almost over.

Gwyn's eyes lit up as it normally did whenever she got an idea. “Is it him? The guy you came with that day?”

Nesta scowled, “How do you know…” she broke off when she realised which 'that day' Gwyn was talking about. Nesta fought back a blush. “No, no, this isn't about him. We don't know each other. Much. Like, we've seen each other a number of times? That's it. Nothing else.” Cauldron, the first part was a complete lie. But at least the rest are true. Will Gwyn happen to know his name? Maybe I ought to ask her. Or maybe I shouldn't.

She should, she decided. She cleared her throat. “Uh, Gwyn? Do you happen to know his name?”

Gwyn frowned and asked, “He hasn't told you yet?”

Nesta shook her head and answered, “No, we, uh, forgot. I guess. We haven't really exchanged names.”

Gwyn nodded and smiled. “Well, he is—”

“Gwyn!” a voice called. “You can't expect me to come over to you and beg for you to help me. Help me only if you want to or don't work under me.”

Gwyn’s eyes widened. She abruptly stood up and mouthed, “Merrill. I gotta go. I’m so sorry.” She all but ran to Merrill, the very strict librarian Gwyn was working under.

Nesta sighed and continued her work. There wasn’t much left so she was able to finish fast. She picked her things and left the library with a word to Clotho, heading to the mall.

***

The best way to keep whatever problems one has out of their mind was to also eat something they liked. So, ice-cream it was. After having his ice-cream, Cassian was aimlessly walking around the mall. Here, not more than a month ago, he met her for the first time. Almost a month ago. He huffed out a breath. The fact that he was pining for her this long blew his mind off. He—

“This is your fault— not mine. I’m not taking the blame for this,” he told her. They bumped into each other. Again.

Her lips quirked up. “It is kind of my fault. But blame this—,” she poked his chest, “— for making my nose hurt again.”

Just like that, his mood sobered. “How are you?” he asked.

She pointed at the cafe to her left. “Coffee?”

He nodded. Who was he to say no to her?

So they ordered coffee and talked about everything and nothing. He grinned and she laughed. He laughed and she smirked. He wouldn’t say he knew her well but he’d never seen her so carefree. Her laugh was like nectar for a starving man. Her eyes bright and welling up with tears from laughing.

“I don’t think I’ve laughed this much,” she said.

Cassian put a hand on his heart dramatically and said, “I know, I know. I’m very funny.”

Her lips kicked up a notch. She straightened as if she just realised something. He was about to ask when she drawled, “So I just realised that we still haven’t exchanged names.”

Oh. Right. Of course. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Usually, when people meet, they start with introductions but in our case we’ve literally bumped into each other three times and still we don’t know each other.” He shook his head and extended his hand. “Well, hello there. I’m—”

His phone rang in his pocket. Fuck. He was going to kill whoever was calling him now. He was so close to knowing her name. He pulled out his phone to see an incoming call from Azriel. He apologetically looked up at her and said, “I’m sorry. I wish I could choose not to take this call and instead kill this idiot but I can’t. Just give me a moment, okay?”

She nodded and he picked up his call.

“What do you want?” he hissed.

“It’s 5.30 already, you idiot. We’ve got to get the things ready for the party. Mor already went to get the cake and you’re not even at home. Where on all earth and hell are you?” came Az’s faint voice.

“15 minutes only? Mother above, I’m coming.” he said.

Az’s “make it fast” was the last thing he heard before hanging up. “I wish we could stay here and talk forever,” he said to her, “but I have something up in a short while and I totally didn’t realise time was passing this fast. I’m so sorry. It was nice talking to you. Really. And I wish we could meet again. Though without the bumping part.”

He grinned when she smiled and said, “Bye. Have a nice day.”

“You too,” he called back. He didn’t want to think he imagined the subtle look of disappointment on her face because hell, he was a walking epitome of disappointment right now.

taglist:

@shadowsinger07 @im-someone-i-guess @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @julian-blackthorn-supremacy @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @ladygabrielli1997 @nehemikkele @heartless--aromantic @sv0430 @ddsworldofbooks @irenethaleia @sjm-things @dontgetsalmonella

19 notes · View notes

nestaismommy · 1 year

Note

A lot of Nesta antis seem to forget that Nesta was a child as well when Feyre went through shit. So did nesta. And also no oldest child is obligated in any way to care for their younger siblings when one of the parents is right there. The fact some people still believe an oldest child is still like a third parent is outdated thinking.

Hi anon 🫶 (thank you for being respectful and making a good point)

Yeah I agree. Nesta was dealing with her own shit too. It’s not always about Feyre. Not everyone has the time to take care of poor Feyre. She isn’t the only victim and she isn’t the only one who went through shit. Literally all of them did. Nesta was the one who was abused by her mom and grandma but Feyre had some freedom. And she had a better relationship with her parents. Or mainly the dad. Nesta was so angry that her father wasn’t doing anything. She was trying so hard to make him get up and act like a parent because she NEEDED him. She needed her father. That’s SO fucking sad man. And by the way, they went through poverty and I feel like not a lot of people understand that poverty can change you. It can make you cruel. None of this is Nesta’s fault. Yeah, she hurt poor Feyre but literally ALL siblings fight. Nesta and Feyre never got along. And let’s not act as if Feyre didn’t literally destroy lives because of something SHE did. It was Feyre’s own stupidity that lead to Elain and Nesta being dumped into the cauldron. And Feyre still managed to make it all about herself in ACOSF. There was a reason behind everything Nesta did. It’s not an excuse, but there is an explanation on why she is the way she is. But there is no reason or excuse behind almost all of the shitty things Feysand and the inner circle have done. I can get into detail about what they did and how I find it worse than Nesta’s behavior in another post.

Overall, this is just my opinion and it’s fine if you disagree.

To the kids who hate: let’s be mature while having these discussions instead of just hating. And if you want to so badly, at least comment instead of being a coward and hating anonymously lol

#acosf #nesta archeron #acotar #pro nesta #pro nesta archeron #sarah j maas #sjmaas #a court of silver flames #a court of thorns and roses #nesta deserves better #nesta acosf #high queen nesta

26 notes · View notes

queenestarcheron · 3 years

Text

acomaf review

so i recently reread acomaf and i made a post about everything that i liked/didn’t like (more of the latter). i also started another one so some of that is repeated in here. i have referenced page numbers but they are all from the uk paperback edition so i don’t think they will be the same for everyone. it’s all chronological. there will probably be typos since i wrote this on a whim pls ignore them. this is quite anti rhys so if that bothers you just ignore this and pls don’t attack me for my opinions.

(pg. 24) feyre says "I don't know if I can handle them calling me High Lady." implying that she doesn't even want to be in a position of power in prythian. is that the trauma talking? tamlin also says that there is no such thing as high lady which makes no sense bc high lord power is hereditary so it should be able to go to women too. also this makes rhys making feyre high lady make no sense.

(pg. 29) poor lucien i cannot believe his brothers did that to his girlfriend

(pg. 48-49) feyre threw a shoe at rhysand and all im saying is that, if nesta threw a shoe at cassian, they would try and flay her alive

(pg. 73) rhys says there can be high ladies... but there never was one?? how does he know they can exist? it doesn't add up. again, if a person could just be given the high lord power, then what is the point of having the high lord bloodline

the 90 pages in between are just feyre getting upset and rhys saving her from the spring court

(pg. 163) i am diSGOSTED "You know I'm always happy to tangle in the sheets with you Amren ... I know how much you enjoy Illyrian-" seriously?? i don't think this is a normal friendship dynamic. also we hear about how dangerous amren is but cassian literally just made this comment and she did nothing. and we dont see her do anything to others at all. the only thing to suggest that she's a powerful being was the end of acowar

(pg. 169) amren calling the illyrians "barbarians" does not sit right with me

(pg. 209) "They might not be happy about it, but I'll make Nesta and Elain do it" you'll make your sisters risk their lives and status? to help the fae? the race that enslaved humans for centuries? okay feyre. everyone's right, youre a great sister

(pg. 215) rhys offers feyre sex with cassian? how are the nesta stans the ones that don't gaf about cassian when his own friend (who he considers a brother) says this about him? i don't think after 500 years of knowing him and liking him nesta would say any of this

(pg. 229) cassian gets mad at rhys for endangering feyre's life for no reason and then rhys says "you would do the same" like nO SIR NO HE WOULDN'T

(pg. 246) feyre says nesta looks older in her eyes. she's obviously been affected by her sister running away with the fae and her and elain even thought she was dead. don't try and tell me that she doesn't care bye

(pg. 255) cassian's dinner table speech about how feyre died for the fae and nesta should stop being a bitch. um, sir your people enslaved hers for CENTURIES? and you want to play the fucking victim? okayyy sure. have fun with that

(pg. 280) rhys doesn't make his people play the tithe but he lets them live in tents in snowy mountains? while he lives in comfort? and im supposed to support this guy? hard pass for me

(pg. 288) rhys stalks about keeping velaris a secret and says "My people do not seem to be suffering much from it." basically ignoring the people in the hewn city and illyria as his people? tehy are all hated by the rest of the courts and apparently rhys is just cool with that bc velaris is fine.

(pg. 326) all i want to say is that cresseida deserves so much better

(pg. 361) okay lol jurian was "obsessive" in his pursuit to free his people. why couldn't he just be chill about it? his people could wait you know. he didn't hav eto go batshit crazy. it's not like they were servants their whole lives and were being treated like they weren't people.

(pg. 377) okay so this is when cassian comes back from giving nesta the letter (wings and ember) and he says something about how the family is full of "bossy, know-it-all females" my mans you invaded HER PERSONAL SPACE and asked her intrusive and inappropriate questions. she literally did what any other woman would have done.

(pg. 386) rhys fully says "neither side is innocent" when talking to the mortal queens BOI THE FAE KEPT THEM AS SLAVES WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND STOP TRYING TO SOUND OPPRESSED OMG

(pg. 393) they are talking about how miryam and drakon fell in love when she was still with jurian and apparently it's jurian's fault bc he was too obsessed with liberating the humans? you can say what you want about them fighting for the humans but it's clear they really don't give a shit

(pg. 398) feyre hears mor's story and says that she understands why rhys can't forgive nesta. she actually just compared what mor's family did (trying to marry off mor and nailing a note to her body and leaving her at the autumn court) to what nesta did (was mean to feyre when their family was in poverty and didn't stop feyre from hunting). chilee wut

(pg. 415) the court of nightmares scene and all i want to say is DID ANYONE IN THE HEWN CITY CONSENT TO SEE THAT. also their high lord using women like objects isn't exactly sending his people the best message, especially the youthful ones. like if their ruler is doing it, then why shouldn't they? rhys is kind of making it worse for women ( at the very least he isn't helping AT ALL)

(pg. 443) mor says that she hates the illyrian mountains and says that they should be "burned to the ground", completely forgetting about all of the people there, the culture and the fact that she has 2 and half illyrian friends

(all of chapter 54) rhys tells us his sad backstory and a bunch of excuses but never apologises for his actions utm. am i supposed to excuse sexual assault because he was emotionally distraught? bc im not going to do that

(pg. 548-553) nesta stands up A LOT for the humans and tries to convince the queens to give them the book. we see a lot of her humanity in this scene. don't tell me she's just a cold bitch please read with your eyes and see for yourself. ALSO THE NESSIAN BIT ON PAGE 553 LETS GOOOO

(pg. 559) feyre talks about how nesta feels everything too much and i just want to ask where this feyre was in acofas when her sister was off in the deep end with her ptsd

(pg. 589) jurian is called a monster for literally no fucking reason omg give my guy a break

(pg. 606) lucien helps elain when she is fae and on the ground soaking wet. this is all before he finds out that she is his mate. this is why we stan <3

please feel free to comment on/challenge anything ive said. you can try and come for my favs if you want but it probably won’t change my mind. i might do acofas later.

#acomaf #pro nesta archeron #pro nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #anti rhysand #a court of mist and fury #anti ic

62 notes · View notes

julemmaes · 3 years

Text

PP Elucien drabble 5.5

A/N: Is it possible for me to write “I fucking hate Tamlin so much I swear.” at the beginning of each drabble I post? Cause OH MY GOD MY HATRED FOR THIS MAN HAS NO LIMIT.

This is what happens to the other couples involved in the story, the same night Cassian and Nesta fight at the end of chapter five (which, if you missed, I posted yesterday). I’ll probably end up posting the Feylin pov’s either tonight or tomorrow, cause this part is pretty important for our sweet and dear Feysand.

Enjoy!:)

Fic masterlist

Word count: 2,141

Elain felt Lucien's eyes on the side of her face as if he were touching her.

They had just got into the car, after being at Tamlin's for his birthday. He had already celebrated last weekend, but Feyre had invited them to her boyfriend's house because she didn't want him to spend the day he was actually born all alone brooding on his couch.

They had had fun in the beginning, as they had been doing for ten years now, but things had gotten out of hand when Feyre had started to be a little too high on booze and Tamlin had gotten angry.

When she could no longer stand that ghostly touch of fire on her cheek, she snapped, "Stop starring at me." she kept her gaze fixed on the road ahead of her as Lucien drove through the traffic in Velaris.

She caught a glimpse of him as he ran his hand through his loose hair, sighing in frustration, "I'll stop looking at you if you tell me what the problem is."

She had to try her best to remain calm, "You know very well what the problem is."

"Lainy-" he huffed.

She shot her head at him, "Don't you Lainy me."

Lucien turned to her, looking at her with a tight expression, "C'mon, she was just too drunk."

"That has nothing to do with what happened." Elain gritted out, "And you backed him up." she said in a sharp voice, as she crossed her arms on her chest, still unable to believe what had just happened.

Elain was trying to have fun but it had been months since she felt the slightest urge to go out with her little group of high school friends, now reduced to just her and her sister plus their respective boyfriends. Every person who had abandoned them over the years moved further and further away from her every time she mentioned those in her close circle.

All night she had been trying to lean on Lucien, to find affection in the physical contact he was normally so willing to give her, yet he seemed to move away every time she tried to touch his arm, to leave a kiss on his lips, on his cheek.

Feyre was positively drunk and they were playing poker, a dangerous game, if you asked Elain. They hadn't played for so long, but she still remembered perfectly all the times they had done it. All the times Tamlin had taken advantage of his skill and emptied everyone's pockets. All the times they had played a slightly hotter and sexier version of the game and it was always over with him hitting anyone who tried to watch Feyre.

His little sister had proposed just that that night and Elain could already see the wrath in Tamlin's eyes.

Lucien shrugged, turning right towards his house, "Cause it was her fault."

Elain brought her hands to her face, rubbing her cheeks, taking a deep breath, "I swear that if you blame my sister one more time" she murmured, suggesting how angry she really was at that moment.

Her boyfriend immediately got on the defensive, "I'm not trying to blame Feyre. "

She looked at him with a confused grimace on her face, "You literally just said it was her fault."

"I'm just saying that she could have behaved differently," Lucien pointed out, looking at her starkly.

Feyre burst out laughing, pushing all her chips to the center of the table and uncovering the cards. Tamlin grunted next to her, "You lost again."

Elain giggled, taking a sip of wine, "You have to take your shirt off."

Lucien glanced at her and then huffed the air out of his nose, "We can just play with money, we don't have to -" seeing the murderous look his best friend gave him, he grew small on the chair, mumbling the end of the sentence.

Feyre laughed louder, grabbing the edge of her tank top and pulling it up to her chin, uncovering her breasts covered by a simple black sports bra. Lucien immediately looked away, certainly exposing, but she and Elain broke out laughing.

"Okay, that's enough." Tamlin grumbled.

Elain opened her eyes wide, looking astonished, "Do you even hear yourself?"

Lucien raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"Could've behaved differently?" she repeated, imitating his voice. Then she shook her head, bringing her attention back to the road, "No, fuck you."

"Elain, you're acting like a child," he huffed, running a hand through his hair again.

She replied in an irritated tone, "And to me, it seems like you're trying so hard to be Tamlin. And it disgusts me."

He looked at her surprised, "You- I'm not-"

"Yes, you are." she murmured, "And what's worst is that you don't even do that on purpose anymore. You do that so you feel accepted and so that he keeps you under his wing." she snapped, realizing too late that what she had said would provoke such a reaction in Lucien, who closed his mouth and clutched the steering wheel in his hands, remaining silent.

Elain noticed that she had hit a weak spot and felt guilty, "I'm sorry, Luce."

He waved a hand in between them, "Don't be." he whispered in a softer voice, "I was being a douche."

She smiled slightly, "Keep talking." prompting him to continue, "I like where this is going."

"Stop it." he jokingly told her, addressing her with a half smile. She put her hand on his leg, squeezing his thigh. He placed his hand on hers, intertwining their fingers.

"I just don't understand how you can think that what Tamlin does is right," said Elain, in a calmer voice, looking for his gaze, "You'd never treat me that way."

"Then just strip naked and do a lap dance for Lucien while you're at it." Tamlin shouted.

Feyre looked at him with her eyes wide open, before bursting out laughing with tears in her eyes. Elain had covered her mouth with her hand so as not to spit out all the wine on the table, but it had proved impossible when Feyre had mocked Tamlin, turning to Lucien, "If you move off the table, I can straddle you."

Her boyfriend had been too embarrassed to even say no and had just sat there staring at Feyre. Tamlin had grabbed her by the arm and had made her stand up, eliciting a cry of pain from her sister.

Elain had immediately stopped laughing and stood up in turn, followed by Lucien, who had finally put his hand around her waist. Not because he wanted to, she noticed a little later, but because she had taken a step towards the couple and he was trying to stop her.

"You're pissing me off." Tamlin snarled, taking Feyre's clothes and pulling her towards his bedroom.

Elain had tried to talk, to tell him to leave her alone, that everyone was having a good time, but Lucien had blocked her and told her that maybe they should have left.

By the time they got out of the apartment, the screaming had started and Elain could not say who was yelling the loudest.

Lucien spoke very quietly, but there was a hint of amusent there, "No, I wouldn't dare." he said as if he was afraid of how she would react if he even tried to treat her that way.

Elain felt the hairs on her neck rise, "That's not the point," she specified, "even if I was defenceless you'd never do that." she snatched her hand from his leg, carrying it between her thighs to warm up, "That's lack of respect at its best and I'm worried for Feyre."

"Something happened?"

"You know it did. Last week." she pointed it out to him. When he still seemed confused, she said, "When you called me and we fought over the phone." understanding lit Lucien's eyes, who nodded slightly, "See? You can't even remember it because it happens so often we don't even keep count."

"I think he was right." he asserted, "He told me she was flirting with some other guy."

Elain couldn't understand if he was doing it on purpose to make her angry, "And you believe him because?"

"Because he's my best friend and she always does things like that." he said it as if Feyre's behavior was something repulsive.

"I'll overlook the fact that you just offended my sister," she whispered threateningly, "but you shouldn't believe everything Tamlin tells you."

He looked at her, snorting, "Why shouldn't I?" he asked, sincerely curious to know her motives, "He's always been by her side and helped her with everything in recent years, the least she could do is do the little he asks of her."

There were so many wrong things in what Lucien had just said.

"Because that's the way he is." Elain exclaimed exasperatedly, "He gives you everything without asking you for anything in return and then after a while he expects you to treat him like a god." she clenched her fists on her legs, "Plus, he's studying law, he's doing of his best quality," she uttered that word with indignation, implying that it was absolutely not a good quality, but quite the opposite, "the perfect job."

Her boyfriend did not answer, as they stopped at a traffic light and tied his hair in a high ponytail, so she continued, driven by her hatred for the blond man that Lucien seemed to idolize so much, "He is literally studying to lie so successfully that he can free murderers and impostors."

"Don't make it sounds bad. I'm studying law too." he pointed out to her.

Elain chuckled, "First, you are studying environmental law, love," she stroked his face briefly, "you want to save animals." he smiled at her, looking at her tirelessly. "Second, do you really believe that everything Tamlin says is the truth? Because I know that he can twist anything to his heart's content. He has done it several times with you, too."

Lucien huffed, rubbing his hand over his face and touching her nose with his fingertip, "Listen I really don't want their fucked up relationship to intervene in ours, fine?" then looked her in the eyes and smiled lovingly, sighing, "I love you Elain and-".

The words were out before she could stop them, "You do?"

His expression changed completely and he blinked quickly, taken aback, "Of course I do, what are you talking about?"

Elain frowned, "Nothing, I was just," she shook her head, shutting her eyes and turning towards the window, "Sorry, I'm a little bit tipsy too."

There were moments of silence, then Lucien whispered, "And we fight everytime they do."

"Yeah, cause you say stuff like that." perhaps she had used a too rough tone because Lucien made a frustrated sound that echoed in the cockpit.

"This is why I don't want to talk about it." his eyes were wide open and he seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"So you're suggesting we stop talking about serious things because we see them in a different way?" she drawled, irked as a little kitten, "Yeah, that sounds very healthy."

"I'm trying to make things work here." he said, looking over at her.

She scoffed, "Maybe they shouldn't if you think this is the right way to do it."

Everything seemed to come to an halt, "What do you mean?" he stammered.

"Nothing." Elain hurried to say, puffing and creating a cloud of steam with her breath.

She had never felt him as insecure as she did in that moment when he asked, "You wanna break up with me?"

She looked at him immediately, shaking her head frantically, "No, baby, I really don't." and that was the truth, "I'm just exhausted and Tamlin pushed me over the edge."

Lucien didn't seem so convinced as he finally parked in front of his building, but he nodded once, before looking intensely into her eyes, "You know I love you, right?"

She gave him the brightest smile she could before she whispered, "Yes, I know."

She leaned toward his seat, putting her hand behind the back of his head to pull him to her. Lucien closed his eyes as Elain took control of that kiss. She opened her lips slightly and their tongues entwined.

When they were both panting for air, Lucien bit her lower lip, murmuring against her mouth, "Do you wanna watch a movie?"

Elain kissed him again, longing for everything he could give her, "I'd rather do other things, actually."

"Mh," he put his hand on her thigh, caressing his way up to her hip, "like what?"

Elain was far faster than him to reach his hottest part, palming him through his jeans, "Like this?"

He smirked, moaning when she pushed a little harder against his lenght, "I like the idea."

acotar tag list (if you wanna be removed or added just dm me or send me an ask)

@sjm-things @kris10maas @awesomelena555 @sannelovesreading @queenamydien29 @ireallyshouldsleeprn @messyhairday-me @ncssian @observationanxioustheorist @my-fan-side @booksstorm @maastrash @sayosdreams @thedarkdemigod @courtofjurdan @thewayshedreamed @ladywitchling @nahthanks @archeron-queen @sleeping-and-books @bri-loves-sunflowers @thegoddessofyou @ghostlyrose2 @claralady @queenestarcheron

#pinky promise #pinky promise drabble #nessian fic #nessian #elucien #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #elainxlucien #lucienxelain #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acotar fic #angst

27 notes · View notes

tardytothepardy · 3 years

Text

My Review of "A Court of Silver Flames" (because it's too long for Goodreads)

~`,Spoiler-free summary/review idk,`~

In "A Court of Silver Flames", the story centers around two characters that were previously in the "A Court of Thorns and Roses" series, Cassian and Nesta. As far as I can tell, this story takes place about a year after "A Court of Frost and Starlight", where Nesta is in a bad mental state. To cope with the events in "A Court of War and Ruin", she has taken to excessive drinking and sleeping with random people. The members of the Inner Court allowed her to do this for a while, but as the book begins, it is made clear that they won't let her do that anymore. It is decided that she will be taken to the House of Wind, along with Cassian and Azriel, so she can be separated from everything and heal. The reasoning behind putting Nesta in the House of Wind is that the only ways anyone can easily go to or leave the house is by flying or winnowing, neither of which are things she can do. There is a set of 10,000 stairs that she can take, but seeing as they are 10,000 stairs, it's pretty difficult.

Throughout the story, Nesta is forced to come to terms with her difficult memories and her powers, which she has pushed away in an effort to retain as much of her prior humanity as she can. It is soon revealed that her powers are connected to three ancient magical items, collectively called the "Dread Trove", and Nesta is tasked to find as many as she can to keep Briallyn, one of the human queens, who has a similar connection to the items, from obtaining them and wielding powers that could completely destroy the world.

While all of this is going on, it is revealed that Feyre is pregnant. It isn't all happy news, however, because it seems that complications (of the deadly variety) have become known, and no one knows what to do to save her (let alone herself because she's not even aware of it hooray Rice Hand you're doing fabulously).

I think as a whole, one thing that this book struggled with is pacing. For the majority of the book, I didn't feel that the characters were actively trying to stop The Bad Guys, it almost felt that they took action every so often, as if they randomly remembered that these events are happening. Most of the book is focused on the development of the relationship between Cassian and Nesta, and everything else falls around that, which would be fine if the other events were of a smaller scale, like planning a party or something (idk lmao), rather than the fate of literally the <i>entire world</i>, both the Fae and human world. A lot of the things that happened in this book seemed like they were resolved within the last 50 pages of the book, one after another, it just felt odd.

(spoilers for the entire book below the "keep reading"!)

~`,Spoilers from here on out,`~

So like I said in the beginning, it starts with Nesta in her house. It's from Cassian's point of view, so I got to endure two things that really fucking irritated me: first was where she was living. It was a similar line of thought from the "ACOFAS" description, that Velaris doesn't have slums, but if it did have a slum, Nesta would be living in it. But it doesn't have slums, but this place is still icky. Cassian acknowledges that he's stayed in worse, but this place is still icky, yucky, blecky, and gross. Second thing that irritated me was when he first saw her. He describes her as having "long bare legs, an elegant sweep of hips, tapered waist--too damn thin--and full, inviting breasts that were at odds with the new, sharp angles of her body" (10). She was thin, very thin, but not her boobs. Nope, those badonks were still (somehow) plenty large. This might be the fault of me trying to understand Fae bodies by comparing them to human bodies, but I simply do not understand how that is supposed to work. Boobs are made of fats and tissues, if you're losing weight, you're gonna lose boob. Whatever.

Cassian proceeds to take Nesta to one of (apparently 5. Rice Hand and Feyre have five houses, why) Feyre's houses, where it is soon made clear that an intervention is being staged. This has to be one of the worse ones out there, because oh my fucking god everyone is so goddamn hostile towards Nesta. Amren and Nesta were previously friendly, then they had an unresolved (and unexplained) falling out, and now holy shit Amren is constantly baiting Nesta, making snide remarks. Rice Hand seems to be offended by Nesta simply because she doesn't like him or Feyre, like I don't get why he's so aggressive towards her (and that shit continues for the majority of the book it's so annoying), but somehow everyone there is surprised when Nesta is aggressive, that she throws insults, that she's rude.

Anyway, after Nesta is toted to the House, she instantly tries to find a way out, and that's when the 10,000 stairs come in. (Tangent, in the book it says that the stairs are about a foot tall each. 10,000, 1 foot tall stairs. That would mean the House of Wind is at least 10,000ft tall, but seeing as the House has multiple levels, it's even taller than that. This building is so goddamn tall, did Maas even think about that? It's nonsensical! Anyway) She tries to go down them, but she fails miserably. She's underweight, I wouldn't be surprised if she's malnourished, she's in no state to climb down 10,000 stairs.

So that's where the training comes in. Cassian takes her to Windhaven, an Illyrian camp (place thing idk), to train, but she just refuses. After 3 days of her not doing anything, Cassian is ready to throw in the towel (I thought,,, I would think that since he's had to discipline out-of-line soldiers before he'd do better than 3 fucking days but whatever), but then he remembers what she's said about it all three of those times, that she's not gonna do it in front of everyone (because if you didn't remember, the Illyrians are massively sexist and so of course no one has anything better to do than gather round to see some random woman attempt to train but whatever), so he just has her train within the House. One top of the House, it seems. I don't know how big this House is supposed to be, but the roof at least would have to be huge to allow for multiple people to train and work out, spaced out evenly, and not be at risk for falling off. But he has her train there, issue resolved.

What is this training, you may ask? It's just basic stuff, like stretching, balance, strength training, and eventually grappling with so much sexual tension you can barely see your hand in front of your face (it's like a fog as far as I'm concerned), casual stuff.

Along with this training, Nesta is also assigned to work in the library, which is also a sort of refuge or something for a bunch of priestesses who have survived various forms of abuse or assault. It's one big safe space that also has old ass books. Sounds great. She has to work there for six hours, I believe, everyday, along with the training, and at the library she meets someone named Gwyn. Gwyn is a priestess, she's been there for a little while (it doesn't actually say how long, now that I think about it) and fun fact, she's a quarter river nymph. The person she works under is shown using that fact as an insult, but only once, because then Nesta lets her eyes go silver, which freaks them out, and then Gwyn doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

Speaking of silver eyeballs, let's talk about her powers. What are they, how do they work? What are the limits of her powers, etc.? It's not really stated, beyond vague stuff of her powers being derived from something ancient, before the Fae's time, and that she's really powerful. At one point in the book when Rice Hand had to go into her mind (she was having night terrors), he described her powers as "pure death". On one occasion as she was trying to go down the 10,000 steps (which is a recurring thing throughout the whole book), she fell partway down and when she caught herself, she saw that she somehow burned her handprint into the stone. At another point when she's a good way into her training, she's punching something and it is later shown that she again burned through the wood (it was a piece of wood wrapped in cloth which sounds like an absolute delight to punch for a sustained period of time), but somehow the burn mark was cold? Much later in the book she literally un-alives someone, like she didn't kill them, she regressed their age so much that they were un-alive. (She basically hit the "undo" button on their life) Additionally, since her powers that she got from the Cauldron have connected her to the "Dread Trove" items, she is able to find them very easily and use them without issue. With all this information, it's still not clear as to what the limits to her power are. I suppose she is the limitation, because she could choose to use her power to gather the items of the "Dread Trove" and use them to manipulate worlds and time and fucking death itself, but she doesn't. And honestly I'm not sure how I feel about that, I'm kinda iffy on the idea of a character having seemingly unlimited power (especially when they only use it a handful of times, if at all), but I suppose it doesn't really matter because by the end of the story, she gives back most of her power to the Cauldron anyway, so any questions about that are just,,, thrown to the wind.

The characters in this story were a pretty mixed bag. I can say full-heartedly that I did not like Rhysand (there, I said his actual name instead of Rice Hand, Rice Hand is funnier to me). I don't think I've ever particularly liked him, he was too smarmy for my liking, and then when we got a look into his mind courtesy of ACOFAS, all I got out of it was that whatever is going on in his head does not match his outwardly appearance and demeanor whatsoever. (On the outside, he seems like he'd be the one to smirk a lot, probably use lots of sarcasm, on the inside it seems like if someone said "boobs" he'd start laughing uncontrollably. Like, it's weird. Idk what was going on in that book, it was weird.) But in this book, I did not like him, from the beginning. He was so hostile, so aggressive towards Nesta, at any given moment. I don't know if he had any sympathy at all for her situation, because he certainly didn't act like it. At anything Nesta would do, he would push back.

For example, when Gwyn decided to join Nesta in her training, Rice Hand said in her mind to not do anything (in the book, he said, "You are to treat Gwyn with kindness and respect." (pg. 304)), and the whole thing angers me for two reasons, the first being that Nesta's kindness was the reason that Gwyn was there in the first place. Which leads to the second reason, that it seems that Rice Hand is so convinced that Nesta is an unlikable person that she couldn't have possibly made friends (or at least friendly acquaintances) during her time at the House and working in the library.

Following that remark, Nesta noted that it seemed that Rice Hand didn't particularly like the fact that she and Cassian were a thing, which also ticks me off. Am I a huge fan of Cassian and Nesta being together? They're fine, but it's again that idea that she couldn't have possibly warmed up to someone that she has to be around the majority of the time, and maybe someone that doesn't default their mentality of her as "whatever she's doing, it's wrong/bad". To give credit to Cassian, he did figure out that Rice Hand said something to her and chided him for doing so. He actually caught Rice Hand doing it a few more times within the book and got after him about it those times, which is nice.

But that's not the only reason why I specifically did not like Rice Hand in this book. There's another thing he did which I feel is so much worse than what he did or said to Nesta. That thing would be that he kept information about Feyre from Feyre, specifically about her own pregnancy. Now, I said in the beginning that she had a troubled pregnancy. Basically, her baby had wings, but her body wouldn't be able to safely deliver the baby because of those wings. Before you ask "Hey, doesn't Feyre have shape-shifting powers?" or "What about a c-section?", Maas tucked away those easy solutions by saying that Madja, the person overseeing Feyre's pregnancy, told her that shape-shifting might put the baby at risk for more complications, and as far as the c-section thing goes, they just uh, they just haven't seemed to figure out how to do that. These Fae people live for hundreds of years and no one has ever figured out how to properly do a c-section, I guess. Additionally, it seems that Illyrian wings are particularly special, compared to the wings of the other two groups of winged Fae, Seraphim and Peregyrn, because whereas the wings of the Seraphims or Peregryns can move, allowing for an easier birth, apparently (for some fucking reason) Illyrian wings are bony? Like, in utero, they're already bony and difficult to move, which is where all those complications come in.

He told none of this to Feyre. All she knew about her own pregnancy, was that there might be some complications, she didn't know that there was a gigantic mortality rate with pregnancies like this, nothing like that. He purposely kept this information from her, it seems that the whole fucking Inner Court voted on it, or some shit. When Feyre was told of this whole thing from Nesta, Amren said it was to protect Feyre, to keep her from getting stressed or scared, which could worsen things further. But I counter that Amren, with this: How fucking scared do you think Feyre would have been, when she was in labor and everything, and things were rapidly spiraling out of control? She would have been terrified! Don't you think that would've affected something, because I fucking think it would have! Was there ever any intent to tell her about this, or did all of them just decide to never tell her?

The reason why Nesta told Feyre about it was to hurt her, initially, but it was also because she found out that the Inner Court had made a decision about her, personally, because she had accidentally made more "Dread Trove" items by imbuing her power in three swords that she made while at a blacksmith. She found out (via Cassian's absolutely terrible way of bringing up the swords she made) that they were planning to take them away (or something, I don't specifically remember), and that's when she went to Amren's place and demanded more information. When Feyre was brought to intervene, Nesta told Feyre what Cassian had told her (despite the fact that he was totally supposed to keep that a secret but whatever dude). Feyre was shocked, understandably, but she wasn't angry at Nesta for that, and I can't tell you how happy I was about that, I am so happy that Feyre wasn't angry at Nesta for telling her about this. She actually was angry at the other people for deciding to keep this information from her. I just,, I'm really happy that she wasn't angry at Nesta. Everyone else, on the other hand, was fucking pissed at her, including Rice Hand. He was absolutely livid, but the funny thing is, that I don't give a shit, honestly. He should have never kept that a secret in the first place.

I think as a whole, his behavior is explained away because "his mate is pregnant", so I guess he has full clearance to be obnoxious and aggressive and withhold information without the knowledge of all parties involved. What happened to always giving Feyre a choice, Rhysand? What happened to that? Did she only get a choice when you decided to give her one? Because that is certainly what this felt like.

Another thing that Rice Hand did that I would place in between his bullshit against Nesta and his bullshit against Feyre, is another thing that he did to Feyre. So, back in ACOTAR, I believe, when Feyre was still with Tamlin, Tamlin infamously trapped Feyre in a huge magical bubble, where she couldn't leave Tamlin's house. Everyone agreed that that wasn't the best thing for Tamlin to do, and Tamlin's punishment was completely equal to the evils he committed, one-hundred percent. (Not really, now he's stuck in his beast form, roaming the Spring Court in a state of anger and pain. Sympathy for him is quite the commodity in the books.) But what does any of this have to do with Rice Hand? Well, he basically did the same thing to Feyre, except rather than being stuck in a building, the shield is on her, and it's so strong that even her friends can't touch her without being hit by the shield. And when she's asked about it, Feyre just says that Rice Hand learned how to make shields from Helion, the High Lord of the Summer Court, and like,,,, is testing them out on her?? And we're all supposed to think this is fine? The shield is so intense that they can't even smell her (which is a thing, in this series. Fae people can smell other people, they have scents, idk man I'm just going with it), so effectively he's masking her entire existence, and no one has a problem with it. It's weird. It's not as bad as the pregnancy thing, but it's still not great.

I suppose since I'm talking about characters, I should talk about Cassian and Nesta, seeing as they did totally, undeniably become a Thing in this book. Idk how to really go about it, honestly. For the majority of the book, at least one of them was sure that the other didn't like them, or that they weren't deserving to be with the other, so that was fun. I don't particularly remember when, but at some point they both just,,, decided? to have casual sex, that it meant nothing (when it did, in fact, mean something), and it was like,,, a way of distancing themselves from the other. That is particularly the case with Nesta, who felt guilty for constantly pushing Cassian away at basically every turn. Apparently her attention was caught on him from like,,, the first time that she even saw him, way back when she and Elain were still human, in their cottage. She didn't love him or anything, but it was a Notice.

Despite that Notice, she still pushed him away, as I said, because she just didn't feel like she was good enough. Over the course of the book, Nesta quickly became ashamed of the life she had been living since being put in the Cauldron, which was all the drinking and sex (and that's it? Like, a lot of people in this book made it out to be this whole thing but I think that's basically all she did. Part of me feels like the main reason the Inner Court was so bothered by it in the first place was that she was billing it to them, who really wouldn't even notice the money spent anyway, given how much money they seem to have but whatever), and this was another thing that caused her to push away. (And then violently yo-yo back it was incredible) She also has been harboring a fuck ton of guilt over her father's death, which I think was something I worried about after reading ACOFAS? Idk, but it wasn't terrible. She acknowledged that she couldn't really do anything, that it was all over before she could move, but the main reason she felt so horrible about it, was because all this time, since her mother's death (and kinda before it?), she had been mean towards her father, constantly snubbing him, acting with disdain, etc., but during the war (in ACOWAR, it's so helpfully acronymed), he came to help with a fleet of ships, and the one he was on, he named after her. It showed that, despite all that she had said and done to him for all these years, he still loved her, and she felt that she didn't deserve that.

She felt guilty about what had happened to Elain, and felt angry that she wasn't able to do more. Her relationship with Elain kinda soured at a point, because it went from Elain being the withdrawn, sallow, underfed and distant one, to her being that, except with Elain, she would just sit in a chair in an empty room and wallow in her own misery, whereas Nesta used other aforementioned ways to try to forget. Throughout a lot of this book, Nesta and Elain are at each other's throats, and they did, apparently, make up, but I don't know when. For how much of the book is spent about them being at odds with each other, there's an odd lack of them actually making up with each other and settling all that. It's weird.

As a whole though, the center of Nesta's issues stem from the fact that she feels helpless. As she put it, all these things happened to her, she didn't do anything about it. She didn't (in most cases, couldn't) do anything to get herself out of those situations. She felt she lacked agency, in essence. I believe that is mostly why she acted the way she did, because then she could control how others felt about her. The other reason why she acted the way she did, is that her mother trained her to do so.

When her family was still rich (and their mother was still alive), Nesta was trained to be absolutely vicious in the ballroom. She knew how to win people over with small gestures or expressions, and how to read people with a glance. She also knew how to dance, ridiculously well it seems. There is a point in the story when, to make sure that Eris, a member of the Autumn Court that they had been using for information, was still friendly with them, she was chosen to dance with him, to make sure that the Night Court was still in his favor. So, she danced with him. By the end of it, Eris apparently wanted to marry her, and you can fucking imagine how pissed Cassian was about that (I do think that at this point in the book, Nesta and Cassian were most assuredly a Thing, whether either of them acknowledged it or not), but the whole point of it was to show that Nesta was really in tune with music, and that she knows exactly how to meddle in the politics to win in her favor.

Her mother raised Elain to be a perfect princess, to be married off to someone with lots of money. Her mother raised Nesta to be powerful (but, from Nesta's own thoughts, she remembers asking her mother if she was going to marry a person the same way Elain was, but her mother didn't respond). As for Feyre, Nesta says that their mother seemed to mostly forget or avoid Feyre, because she wasn't quite right or something. I'm not sure.

There is a little thing where Nesta thinks of herself as a caged beast stuffed in a pretty dress, because she remembers that she's always had to restrain herself to make sure that nothing went wrong. When her mental health declines, it is equated to wolves encroaching her space, snarling her doubts and fears, and how she used to deafen them using people or alcohol. It wasn't ever enough, but it's what she did.

One thing that did help with the wolves was something she learned from Gwyn, called Mind Stilling (cough cough it's just meditation cough wheeze), a practice used by an extinct group of female warriors called Valkyries. (Yup, just like the Old Norse Valkyries.) Throughout this book, Nesta, Gwyn, and another Illyrian woman named Emerie (along with a few others but they basically only are present in theory) all trained with Cassian (and Azriel, he showed up later on, just in case Maas thought you forgot about him) to become the new Valkyries. It turns out that Cassian knew of them, I think most of the Inner Court knew them or at least knew of them (which is what happens when you're over five hundred fucking years old jfc) before they died in battle. There are a couple portions of this book that are mostly just training montages, with added notes of "it would have taken forever to build muscles as a human, but being Fae meant that Nesta could get stronger much faster", just in case you thought that 3 training montages was a lil too fast.

All this training does culminate into something by the end of the book, almost literally. I feel like a lot of this book is just watching Cassian and Nesta bounce off one another (in more ways than one lmao), and then Maas at some point realized, "Oh shit I have to actually make these things mean something!" and so the payoff for all the training, so to speak, and Feyre's pregnancy are both resolved by the end of the book, just barely.

The training thing is resolved by Gwyn, Emerie, and Nesta (in that order, it was specified that Nesta took like, three days after Emerie and Gwyn to complete her training because she was so busy probably staring at Cassian and thinking about... stuff. That's basically what both of them were doing for a healthy portion of this 700+ page tome) cutting a white silk ribbon that was tied up to a pole. I guess the idea was that if they are able to cut a piece of ribbon fluttering in the wind, they have mastery over themselves and their weapons. Personally, I get it. Ribbons are evasive as fuck and will gain enough sentience to move away from you just enough so you can't grab them. I know for certain that I would not be able to do this.

Now, I've mentioned Emerie a few times now, who is she? During the three or so days at the Illyrian camp, Nesta comes to know an Illyrian woman named Emerie. She's a shopkeeper in the village, and she likes keeping her store neat. Her family doesn't like that she owns the shop, and wants it to be carried over to one of her relatives. One of the times that Nesta visits her, one of Emerie's cousins is there, spewing stupid nonsense about how she can't run a store on her own. (He ends up dying, in case you were wondering.) She seems like a pretty interesting character, and she and Nesta bond over their shared interests in books, and that they've both been through some shit. In Emerie's case, her wings were clipped, so she can't fly. It is(or was?) a practice that was(is?) pretty common in Illyrian society, because clearly no one wants the wamen flyin around, who else is gonna do the cookin and cleanin and child rearin? Emerie ends up joining Nesta and Gwyn in training, with her main motivation similar to Nesta's: that she never wants to feel or be powerless again.

I've talked about the training a few times now, and I've mentioned how it led to something, without saying what it leads to, so I'll say it here: it leads to the Blood Rite, which is an Illyrian coming-of-age sorta thing, where the participants (typically the male Illyrians, like I said they just can't have the wamen beating them at anything it'd hurt their wittle egos) are put in this forest and they are tasked to scale a mountain (at least one) within a week, and fight off any monsters trying to eat them, or opponents trying to beat them. It's pretty common for people to die in these.

Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie landed themselves in this Blood Rite by being kidnapped, that's apparently how the participants are put in the Rite. There was something unusual about this one, however, in that someone (I think it turned out to be someone under the control of Briallyn) planted weapons all over the forest, which isn't allowed. Something that also isn't allowed in the Rite is magic, so the magic that Nesta has become accustomed to and now has a decent relationship with, is gone. Cool.

In the process of getting up the mountain, Gwyn nearly dies, she got shot in the leg by an arrow, and Emerie nearly drowns in a river. Nesta nearly gets stabbed by Emerie's cousin, the same guy who showed up in her shop that one time, but then he gets killed. Woohoo, violence!

Right as Nesta is fighting with Emerie's cousin, Cassian shows up, which is surprising because he wouldn't normally be able to be there: if outside forces help a participant get through the Blood Rite, it is then considered invalid, and both the participant and the outside person are promptly killed (Woohoo, violence!). Turns out that he's under the control of Briallyn, who shows up as well. She orders Cassian to kill Nesta (because of course), and rather than stab her, he stabs himself. This is when the un-aliving thing happens that I mentioned earlier. Nesta was so caught up in the rage and stress of being in the Rite, then the sheer fury of what was going on, and it was an instance of her mind going, "I will not let this happen to me" and so she slammed the "undo" button on Briallyn's existence. (Woohoo, violence!) All is well though, because apparently Cassian did not, in fact, stab himself.

All is not well though, because as this whole thing ends, Feyre's pregnancy issues begin. I won't go over in detail because I've already talked about it earlier, but basically she went into labor way too early, and things have only gotten worse. She's bleeding out, everyone is certain that she will die. And thanks to the fact that, in ACOWAR, Feyre and Rice Hand made a vow that, if one dies, the other will, there's also the risk that Rice Hand will die, and since the baby is so premature, so will the baby. So there are three lives at risk, and no one knows what the fuck to do about any of it.

Except Nesta. Well, she doesn't really know what to do, but she's trying something. She takes the items of the "Dread Trove" (remember those?) and she uses them to pause time, right before death (kinda like pausing right before your Sim's death to save your game), and pleads with the powers in the objects and within herself, to show her how to save Feyre and the baby, and she will give her powers back to the Cauldron from which she took them. The powers are basically like "k lol", and she saves Feyre and the baby (his name is Nyx, which is just,,, it's so fantasy fiction omfg), and she tells Cassian later that she also altered her fucking body so that it can carry an Illyrian baby. Has she, at literally any point in the series, let alone this book, ever even thought she wanted a child? Nope, but everyone gotta have babies. (I get that people change their minds, and Nesta seems to have a fuck ton of time ahead of her to think about it, but idk it just kinda came up out of nowhere. How about beginning research into situations like that and maybe learn how to safely perform a c-section, in this case, so that future situations don't turn out as they seem to have previously. Nesta fixing her own body won't affect the who-knows-how-many other people who might get into this situation. Then again, it's not on her to solve everyone's problems,,, idk man)

Rrrrighttt at the end of the book, it mentions that Cassian and Nesta are going to have a mating ceremony, which for all intents and purposes, might as well be a wedding they talk about it like a wedding some of the practices and traditions are reminiscent of a wedding, it's a wedding. But for some reason, they don't actually have the ceremony in this book, even though I imagine Maas could've totally done it. What's another few pages in a 700+ page book, right? So I imagine that the ceremony might come up again in the next book, because Something is going to happen then. I have no idea what that Something is going to be, but that's my guess.

I don't think I have many issues with this book in particular, it's more with just the series as a whole. I just have a lot of questions with this series, and I got even more questions from this book. Most of my questions circulate around the powers of the characters within the Inner Court, such as how does literally everyone's powers work?? Throughout this book, it kept referring to Cassian's magic, that he wears a bunch of thingies (they're called Siphons but they'll always be thingies to me) to contain that magic, but it never actually says what his magic is. As far as I can tell, there are like,, idk how to describe it but like kinda threads?? of magic, I guess, that come from his Siphons, but other than that it's just that he,,, punch? He fight good? I really don't know. From what I can gather, his abilities could stem from his life rather than any magic he has. (I think that could actually be more interesting, him not having any magic, and kinda lend another reason as to why so many fucking people in this book shit on him for being the way he is. They all throw "Prince of Bastards" or some similar title at him, as if he's the only bastard to have ever existed in Prythian like, bad guys, please come up with more insults. Call him a shithead or something like be creative I'm really not feeling it)

With Nesta, it also does a poor job of explaining her magic, it's just repeated that it's old, it's ancient, it's from another time, a time before the Fae, a time long forgotten, but like, bro, what is it. I guess I'll never know. Elain's power, which also stems from the Cauldron, is barely mentioned in this book, aside from them saying that it's either gone away, or gone dormant, so she's treated as though she has no powers (that is, whenever she actually shows up in the book. Elain is just,,, rarely in the series. What is she doing at any given time the world may never know).

I don't really think that Maas understands how many stairs 10,000 stairs would be. I don't think she gets how long 500 years would be, and what you would even be doing for the majority of that time. I don't think she has a scale for how much power she has flung at her characters, to the point of it all being nonsensical. Everyone has so much power, we're told that Rice Hand has a ridiculous amount of power, somehow Feyre has double his power, but Amren had even more power, but Nesta has even more power than that and it's just,,, can I please have a frame of reference because I simply do not understand. I don't think she even has much of an explanation for the powers she has given her characters, and two examples I can immediately think of are Mor and Azriel. Mor's powers have simply been stated as "truth", but have we ever seen her use that power? What the fuck does that even mean, does she have a freakin lasso of truth or some shit like I don't understand. Then with Azriel, he got some kind of shadow magic thing going on, but like even within the story, the characters don't seem to understand how it works. Even the people that have known Azriel basically their entire lives (Rice Hand and Cassian) don't understand it. So how the fuck am I suppose to understand?

I'm just going to end it here because jfc this thing is so long, it's 10 pages long in Google Docs, and I heavily doubt anyone is going to read this far. If you have, much thanks! To clarify, I do like the series (to some extent) I just,, I have a lot of questions. So many, I couldn't fit them in here because they didn't really have any answers in the books (any of them, as far as I'm aware). Idk. How do people write conclusions? It's beyond me. Agh, anyway, thanks for reading this.

#i write so much sometimes like where do these words come from #i didn't even know i thought about this series that much #but yeah this thing is wayyyy too long for goodreads but i didn't want it all to go to waste so i'm putting it here #also on goodreads but it's painfully shortened on there #it's tragic #wait lmao how do you tag these books i've never done it before #acotar #a court of silver flames #acosf #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #elain archeron #rhysand #cassian #azriel #gywn berdara #emerie acosf #acosf spoilers #long post

3 notes · View notes

theladyofdeath · 5 years

Text

Lovely {ACOTAR, ch 5}

written alongside the lovely and talented @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty . Look for chapter 6 coming soon. :) for previous chapters, click the link: Lovely

Tumblr media

The clock chimed noon as Elain pushed open the door of Azriel’s tattoo parlor. He was sitting behind his desk, sketching a piece for a customer as he looked up and met her smile with one of his own.

“Hey.”

“Hey, boyfriend,” Elain beamed, holding up a paper bag from the taco food truck down the street. “I brought you lunch.”

“You’re too kind to me,” he said, sitting up off his stool to meet her lips with a soft kiss.

“Nah,” she breathed, coming around to perch on his knee. “I just noticed I hadn’t seen your truck leave yet, and if Rayna isn’t working I know that you,” she pressed a kiss to his nose, “weren’t going to eat lunch.”

He caught her lips with his and traced the seam with his tongue. She allowed him entrance and after a minute, when his hand glided up bare thigh, skimming under her dress, Elain broke the kiss and giggled. Azriel growled slightly, but began to pull his food out of the bag. Carne Asada tacos, with no cilantro. Exactly how he liked it. As he took a bite, Elain made her way over to the mini fridge in the corner and grabbed two water bottles. He opened his and took a drink. “Did you close the shop?”

She shook her head and pulled her own lunch out of the bag. He pulled her back onto his lap. “My assistant designer can handle it while I have lunch.” She took a bite and he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

It had been a week since Azriel has asked Elain to be his girlfriend. A week of surprise visits and coffee dates and the happiest that Elain had ever felt. But they still hadn’t had sex.

It was partially Elain’s fault. He had been ready and willing the night she’d made him dinner, but she made him wait. And now, she was making herself wait and she thought it might cause her to combust.

“What’s this one?” She asked, turning the tablet towards her. She saw intricate lace work, the tiniest details in each eyelet. A bow at the top. And all along the edge...flowers. Tons and tons of flowers.

“It’s for one of the girls who work at Rita’s. She’s one of the bartenders. Mor sent her to me.” He took another swig from his water bottle.

Elain gnawed on her lip. “When you’re done with that one, can you show me your flower pieces you’ve done?”

Without a word, he saved his design, closed the app and opened his archives sketch book. He handed her the pen, allowing her to look to her heart’s content.

“Wow,” she breathed, going through sketch after sketch. “Az, these are beautiful.”

They were flawless, each sketch done with the same amount of love and adoration from the artist. She stopped on a black and white sketch of peonies. The flowers surrounded a pocket watch strung by pearls.

“Have you done this one on anybody?” Elain asked.

Azriel shook his head. “That one is waiting for the perfect person.”

Elain looked up at her boyfriend, brow raised. “Are you dropping a hint?”

Azriel’s small smile told her all she needed to know. But, he gave her a shrug and finished the last half of his taco in one big bite. He washed it down and she handed him back the pen. He opened his sketch again and began shading. He glanced up at her. “Do you have plans tonight?”

She was taking a bite of her quesadilla, covering her mouth as she chewed. She finally shook her head and said, “I don’t think so, why?”

“I’ll have Asher tonight, but I was wondering if you’d want to come over for dinner. My turn to cook for you.”

Her eyebrows raised. “I’ll be by at six, then,” she promised, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

“We’ll be waiting,” he smiled, watching her repack her few belongings.

“I’ll see you later,” she said and bent to kiss him. The second their lips touched, he stood to his full height, wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her until she was perched on the edge of his desk. He hooked a hand under her knee and the same hand from before skimmed up her thigh. He pulled back a fraction, his lips still skimming hers. “I can’t wait.”

He sat back down in his chair and watched as she closed her eyes and physically fought to control herself.

When she opened her eyes, he was smirking at her.

Her cheeks burned. “Yes?”

“You’re beautiful,” he said, voice low.

Every piece of her shook from within.

She picked her bags up and turned to go, but he caught her wrist and pressed a soft kiss to the back of her hand. “I’ll see you after work.”

She smiled as he let go and made her way to the door. She looked back at him before she opened it and breathed, “Bye.” With that, she slipped out the door and made her way across the street to her own shop.

As she came back in, Claire was helping a couple finish up an arrangement and she gave Elain a smile and a small wave before returning her attention to the couple.

She made her way into her office but before she could even sit in her chair, her phone was buzzing in her pocket.

“Hello?” she answered, pulling it out of the pocket of her polka-dotted dress.

“Busy tonight?” Lucien asked, sounding out of breath.

Elain blinked. “Yeah, going to Azriel’s. Why?”

“Oh, I see,” he said, in between pants. “You get a boyfriend then your best friend is old news.”

Elain chuckled, but she had to ask, “Please tell me you’re not…in bed with someone right now?”

Lucien laughed. “No, I’m not. I’m at the gym, jogging on the treadmill, but thank you. I see where your mind is at this afternoon.”

He wasn’t wrong, she could still feel Azriel’s hands snaking up her thighs, burning against her skin.

When she didn’t answer, Lucien asked, “Is there something you haven’t told me? Did it happen?” “No,” she replied, quickly. “But...I want it to.”

“You don’t sound like you want it to,” Lucien pushed, gently.

Elain took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she fell back into her desk chair. “I haven’t been with anyone since Greyson, and that was three years ago. It’s a big step, that’s all. And I’m nervous.”

“You don’t have to, you know,” Lucien said, catching his breath. He must have slowed down to a walk. “It’s not like he won’t like you any less if you want to wait. Even if you never get to that point with him, he’s crazy about you.”

Elain nodded and then remembered she was on the phone and had to physically respond. “You’re right, I know that. But I really do want him. There’s just a...pull there. I can’t explain it. I’m drawn to him.”

“Well, be safe,” he said, and it wasn’t judgemental. “Are we still on for brunch Sunday morning?”

“Of course,” she said, turning in her chair to log into her computer. “I’ll talk to you later, I just came back from lunch. Gotta let Claire take hers.”

“Such a good boss,” he teased, but she heard familiar laughter in his voice. “Have fun tonight, Lainy.”

“You too, Luce,” she said, smiling fondly as she hung up the phone.

~~~

The halls were nearly empty after the final bell as Nesta walked toward the performance hall. Cassian had texted her during their final period to meet him there after school, but she didn’t quite make it.

Before she could make it to the hall itself, a strong, calloused hand pulled her into the supply closet, shutting the door behind them.

Cassian grinned in the dim light before pressing his mouth lightly to hers. “Hi.”

“Cass,” she breathed, her hands immediately gripping his shirt as their bodies were pressed together. His lips found her neck and she tightened her grip. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to fuck my girlfriend in the janitor's closet,” he said, lifting her so her legs automatically wrapped around his waist.

No one knew they were a couple. None of their coworkers, their students, and shockingly enough, their families. It’s not that they didn’t trust anyone, they were just enjoying having their own little secret.

Without another word, their lips had found another again. Nesta would never get over this feeling, the feeling of absolute safety and pleasure she got from being in this man’s arms.

After setting her feet on the floor for only a few seconds, her panties were unceremoniously dropped from under her skirt and Cassian undid his pants and was sliding his member against her wetness. He picked her back up, pushing into her in one fluid motion and capturing her lips with his own, stifling a moan that threatened to tear from her. He set a relentless pace, bottles and mops rattling off of the shelves beside Nesta’s body.

She could honestly say that a janitor’s closet was one place she had never had sex, and the thought was almost amusing. But when Nesta opened her eyes to find Cassian watching her with that damned predatory gaze, there was nothing funny about it.

Her lips crashed into his as the grip she had on his shirt tightened.

She felt light, like she was floating on air. Peaceful. Happy. Complete.

He paused and she was about to whine — literally whine — when she heard what he had somehow picked up first: the chatter of voices from outside the door, heading towards the performance hall.

“Shit,” they said, almost in unison, and they laughed lightly, while Cassian put her down and zipped himself back up into his jeans. Nesta began trying to smooth her hair down and brush down her skirt.

“Where’s my thong?” She whispered, frantically looking down in the muddy light from the dusty, hanging bulb.

He held the scrap of blue lace on one finger. “You mean these?” She went to grab them, but he snatched them back and stuck them in his pocket. When she began to protest, he pressed his lips against hers. “Come over tonight and you’ll get them back.”

“Cassian,” she warned, stomping her foot lightly.

“Was that a temper tantrum?” He smirked, brushing a curl back from her face. “Wait about a minute before you leave. I’ll be home at five-thirty.”

He gave her one last bruising kiss on her lips and without another word, he was gone.

She sighed and picked up the bottles they had knocked off. When she determined it had been long enough, she cracked open the door, checked that the coast was clear, and made her way back to her studio.

The only thing she could focus on was how slick she was between her legs as she walked. She had her back to the door and was pulling her purse out of her desk, when she heard a knock at the door.

She turned and quickly sat in her open desk chair as she said, “Dad. Hi. What are you doing here? I thought you wouldn’t be back in town until the end of the month.”

“Wanted to come see my daughter at her dream job,” he smiled. “I’m so proud of you.”

You wouldn’t be if you knew what I was doing in the closet ten minutes ago.

“Thanks, dad,” she said, giving him a side hug.

Things had not always been so good between Nesta and her father. Now, he was often out of town on business. He didn’t see his girls as much, which had actually improved Isaac and Nesta’s relationship.

“So, what do you think?” She asked, gesturing to the room around her. “Same as you remember?”

“It is,” he said, “Although I really like what you’ve done with the place.”

Nesta just opened her mouth to reply when Cassian’s voice came floating from beyond the doorway.

“Oh, Nes, could you also-.” He froze when he entered the doorway, catching sight of Nesta’s father.

The words fell out of Nesta’s mouth. “This is Mr. Nazari. He’s a music teacher here.”

Cassian’s surprised expression eased into something far more relaxed as he reached out his hand for a handshake. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” her father smiled.

Nesta began to cough as their hands touched. From where she was standing, she could see the blue lace of her panties peeking out of his back pocket.

She tried to direct her father’s attention towards her, hoping to catch Cassian’s eye as well. “Dad, have you talked to Elain yet? I’m sure she’d be excited to see you back home so early.”

He walked over to the window as he answered and Nesta tried to get Cassian to look at her. “I spoke to her on my way into town. I wanted to surprise you and Feyre.”

Cassian was looking at Nesta like she was insane as she tried to get him to understand that her underwear were sticking out of his back pocket. She was about to walk over to him when her father turned around. “I was wondering if you’d have dinner with me, Nesta. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

Her eyes went wide. “I would, Dad, but I’ve already got dinner plans.”

Cassian had started to awkwardly back out of the room. “Nah, Nes, I’m sure they’d understand. You should have dinner with your father.”

He turned and as he left, Mr. Archeron said, “Son, you got something falling out of your back pocket.” Cassian froze with his hand on the door frame. “I imagine that young lady will be wanting those back.”

He was rubbing the back of his neck as he turned back around, a lazy grin on his mouth. “Yeah...I should go do that. It was...nice meeting you, sir. Miss Archeron.” he dipped his head before hurrying into the hallway.

“Womanizer,” her father mumbled.

Nesta had to press her lips together to keep from laughing. “Well, I suppose I can reschedule my plans if it's important to you.”

He shook his head. “No, sweetheart, I’ll just see you this weekend. Go out. Have fun. You’re only young once.” He gave her a quick hug before leaving out the same door Cassian had just a few minutes before.

One more time, Nesta fell into her chair, but this time, she ran her hands down her face and sighed, which bubbled into riotous laughter. She sent Cassian a text letting him know she’d be over at five-thirty.

~~~

Feyre glanced at her phone for the hundredth time, waiting to see if Rhys had left his apartment yet. She had already ordered a pizza and, according to the tracker on her phone, it was coming to her door in thirty minutes or less.

She had looked at herself in the mirror every five minutes. She didn’t want to look like she wasn’t trying hard enough, but she also didn’t want to look like she was trying too hard for a night in.

She was wearing leggings and an oversized hoodie. Her hair was in a long braid, her makeup flawless.

She had changed her slippers twice, only to settle on a polka dotted pair of fuzzy socks.

It was nearly seven when a quick, obnoxious knock sounded on the door.

The pizza guy stood on her front porch. She stepped out and pulled the door shut behind her.

“Archeron?” He asked. She nodded and he glanced down at the receipt. “$22.17.”

She quickly handed him three ten-dollar bills and told him to keep the change. As he strode down her porch steps and headed to his car, Feyre’s phone chimed.

Leaving now. Be there in 5. Need me to bring anything?

She smiled as she responded.

Pizza is already here, so all I’m missing are you and the drinks. You got that under control, bartender?

His reply was nearly instantaneous.

Pretty sure I can handle that.

“Look at you, smiling at your phone. Must be Rhys.”

His voice felt like nails on a chalkboard, immediately putting her on edge. It was also slurred.

He was right next to her on the porch, somehow getting up the stairs without her notice.

His green eyes were glazed over, his blonde hair a mess. “You used to smile at my texts like that.”

“Why are you here?” She asked. There was no bite, only exhaustion.

He frowned. “I’ve missed you, baby. I want you to come back to me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Feyre shook her head. “Leave. Now. Before Rhys gets here and you’re too drunk to defend yourself.”

She could’ve sworn she watched his hackles raise. “I made a mistake, Feyre. Brannagh was-.”

“Exactly what you needed,” she finished for him. “I’m sure she’s always willing to beg and grovel and get on her knees for you.”

“I’m not with her,” he growled. “You’re the one I want to be with.” His words were starting to string together more and more. “I love you.”

“You don’t get to start this shit.” She shoved hard against his chest, surprised to see she could actually move him. Another shove. “Stop it.”

He shook his head, as if trying to clear a fog. Before she could stop him, his hands were on her face, his lips crashing into hers.

She whimpered against him, pushing so hard against his chest that he went stumbling back. He couldn’t catch himself.

Tamlin, tripping over his own feet, fell to the porch boards, eyes fluttering shut as his alcohol consumed him.

He laid there, perfectly still, breathing steadily.

Feyre wiped his scent off her lips, nausea rolling in the pit of her stomach.

He would never change.

Couldn’t change.

Tamlin had taken too much from his father, searching for happiness in all the wrong places.

“Feyre, what are you-?” Rhysand’s sultry drawl was cut short as he saw Tamlin on the ground and the tears beginning to stream down her face. Before the near silent sob was able to fall from her lips, Rhys was there, face in his hands. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, alright? I’m here.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and Feyre gripped his wrists, grounding herself to him.

“What happened?” He breathed.

She was breathless as she answered. “He snuck up on me when I was paying for the pizza. Then he begged me to take him back and when I said no, he kissed me.” She gestured to him on the ground. “When I shoved him off of me, he hit the ground and passed out.”

Rhysand pressed another gentle kiss to her forehead before letting her go and kneeling by Tamlin’s head on the ground. He checked a few places on his neck and then lifted his arm by the wrist and let it go.

It landed on the porch with a resounding thud.

“Yep, he’s out.” He looked up at her. “Want me to call the police?”

She could tell that regardless of whatever history they had, he was offering for her, not for his own gain.

She shook her head. “Help me get him inside.”

Rhysand hesitated, but nodded nonetheless. He gathered Tamlin in a not-so gentle manner before dragging him through Feyre’s door and lugging him onto the couch in the living room.

Rhys gagged. “He smells like shit, where the hell has he been?”

Feyre sighed, softly shutting the door behind them. “I don’t know. Don’t want to know.”

Rhysand’s face softened as he met her where she stood on her welcome mat. “Are you okay?”

She nodded again and he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

“Not exactly how I saw our evening starting,” he said quietly, running a finger over the back of her hand.

She couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled from her. “Me either.” Her eyes widened. “Oh crap, the pizza! I left it on the porch.”

He kissed her again and said, “Pick any movie for us to watch, even a chick flick, and I’ll watch it for you. I had something in mind, but you choose.”

“My couch is kind of occupied,” she said, nibbling on her lip.

“Oh.” Rhys looked at Tamlin passed out on her couch. He glanced back at her.

“We could go up to my room instead?”

Rhys’s eyes widened. “That’s, uh- That- Yeah, that should be fine.”

Feyre raised a brow at his boyish stuttering before grabbing the pizza from the porch and leading him upstairs.

She had cleaned her room, which she hadn’t done in quite some time, just in case he came up. Now, she was grateful that she did.

Rhys looked around as he entered and smiled fondly.

There were unfinished paintings littering her room, lining all of the walls and propped against every piece of furniture. There were tapestries draped from ceiling to floor and string lights were draped on every surface, strung across the draping. It coated the room in a soft glow.

It was exactly how he’d imagined it.

She tossed the pizza onto the covers and crawled onto the bed. Rhys tried not to focus on the way her hips swayed as she moved across to the other side.

He sat down, hesitantly, on the edge.

“You don’t have to do that,” Feyre laughed.

“Do what?” He asked.

“It’s just a bed,” she said, simply, blue eyes softening. “I’m not going to try and seduce you.”

He almost told her that he wished she would, but thought better of it. He swung his legs onto her midnight blue comforter as his body began to relax.

“So,” she began, grabbing the remote and flipping through the different streaming services. “Comedy? Scary movie? A drama? Or a tv show?”

His eyebrows rose as he looked at her. “A tv show? That would require me to come back over to continue watching it. Are you sure you want to start something with that much commitment?”

Feyre rolled her eyes, but tossed the remote his way and grabbed a slice of pizza. “Fine then, you choose. You said you had something in mind anyways, didn’t you?”

Rhys caught the remote before it landed on his lap and chuckled.

He flipped through the options, stopping on a murder mystery documentary.

“Really?” Feyre asked, brow raised. “That’s what your choosing for a date night?”

Rhysand grinned. “Scared?”

“No,” she stated. “Unimpressed? A little.”

“You wound me, woman,” he said, kicking his shoes off and reclining back on the bed. “You’ll like it, I promise.”

Soon enough, Rhys had scooted over to Feyre’s side of the bed and his arm was thrown around her.

“I don’t know how to tell you this,” Feyre mumbled, voice sleepy, “but this documentary is terrible.”

“Oh, I know,” he said, and Feyre glanced up, seeing the smirk on his face. “I was just waiting for you to say so, so I could do this.”

His lips were on hers and his hand gripped her thigh.

She laughed against his mouth, her hand instantly reaching up to cup his stubbled cheek. The pizza and the documentary were instantly forgotten as her tongue gently swept along his bottom lip.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, pulling away. She inclined her head downstairs. “About him. He kinda put a damper on our night.”

Rhys rolled them until he was on top of her, his weight pressing her down into the mattress. “I’m not going to say that I was planning to be a perfect gentleman tonight, but,” he breathed, kissing down her neck. “I’m not going to take you for the first time while your ex, who I just happen to hate, is passed out on your couch.”

Feyre’s breath hitched. “Tease,” she breathed.

He chuckled, low and deviously. “I’m just telling you the truth.”

But it was the truth that created the throbbing between her thighs.

As if he knew, he pressed his impressive length into her core, grinding into her. She gasped and his eyes snapped up to look at her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were dark.

He dropped his forehead to her chest and whispered, “Fuck,” before rolling off of her. Feyre sat up but didn’t say a word. She understood. If they didn’t stop, they were going to do exactly what he’d just swore, consequences and ex-boyfriends be damned.

She wanted him, though. That much was obvious. He was perfectly beautiful, perfectly kind. Her heart skipped a beat when she looked at him, much less when he was on top of her, tongue slipping between her lips.

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

Something primal flashed in his violet eyes as they trailed from her mouth, then back up to her eyes.

They wouldn’t go all the way.

They would save that for another night.

But for tonight, Feyre would take what she could get.

——————

At five-thirty on the dot, Nesta pulled into a parking spot of the apartment complex Cassian had sent her the address to after she told him she’d be coming. She looked up the stairs, to the door marked 221. She glanced down at her outfit, at the leggings and oversized VIA hoodie she wore. He’d told her to dress comfortable, but she was worried she’d gone too far. She quickly pulled the hoodie over her head, dropping it onto the passenger seat, leaving her in nothing but a soft pink camisole. She groaned and grabbed her purse and keys, getting out of the car before she could stop herself.

She hurried up the steps and gave the door two quick knocks.

No answer.

She knocked again, but still, the door went unanswered.

She quickly dialed his number and called him, able to hear his phone ringing faintly from inside.

After the phone went to voicemail, she waited a minute before hesitantly knocking one more time.

The door swung open.

Cassian stood in nothing but a towel, wet hair dripping down his body.

“For cauldron’s sake, woman, I didn’t think you’d actually be here at five-thirty exactly.”

Nesta wasn’t listening though. Nesta was watching one droplet of water that had cascaded down over his chest, fallen into the grooves of his abs, and was now trailing into his towel along the defined V on his hips.

He grinned, leaning against the doorframe. “See something you like, sweetheart?”

Her eyes snapped to his. “Awfully cocky tonight, are we?”

“Last time I checked you liked my cockiness,” he winked. “Please, come in.”

With a roll of her eyes, she entered. “It smells delicious in here. Did you…actually cook something?”

“I’m not just a pretty face,” he said, shutting his front door. “I have many talents.”

She set her purse down on the table by the door and turned to face him. She glanced down at his towel again.

“Yeah,” he drawled and the slight blush that rose on his cheeks made him look boyishly charming, despite his nakedness. “I’ll be right back. There’s wine in the fridge.” He softly pressed a kiss to her lips and as he stepped around her, she briefly debated the idea to follow him back to his room.

But she didn’t, thanks to a ridiculous amount of self control.

She helped herself to a glass of wine and sat at his small kitchen table. She felt like that was too formal, so she made her way to the couch.

She wasn’t good at this stuff.

Sex? Yeah, that she was pretty good at. Actually being in a relationship? Eh.

She heard his footsteps coming back down the hall and she quickly crossed her leg over her knee and she kicked his coffee table.

She cried, “Ow! Fuck.”

He came around the corner and was on red alert. “Baby, what happened? Are you okay?”

He was crouched in front of her, his hand resting over hers on her ankle.

She didn’t move. Just looked at him.

She whispered, “You’ve never called me baby.”

He blinked. “Does it bother you?”

No. It didn’t bother her. It actually made her stomach flip and her heart beat faster.

“You may call me whatever you wish,” she said.

He leaned up on his knees and pressed his mouth to hers, slowly, tenderly.

“I can’t cook.”

Nesta pulled back. “What?”

“Azriel is making dinner for your sister tonight. I went to the store with him this afternoon and got all the same ingredients.”

Nesta sputtered a laugh. “So you are just a pretty face, then.”

His grin is what made her mouth find his, once more.

Baby.

She was his baby.

She pulled him on top of her on the couch and dinner was long forgotten, whether it was edible or not.

————

Elain was on the way back to the kitchen from the restroom when she spied the door left open across the hall from Azriel’s bedroom. She didn’t want to intrude, but she couldn’t stop herself from quietly pushing the door open.

The nursery was decorated in blacks and grays, just like the rest of the house, but random flashes of color kept it from being morose.

She smiled, softly, to herself.

Azriel had put so much thought into it. His love for his son was perfectly portrayed in the little nursery.

Elain admired the sketches that were framed on the wall. Azriel had drawn himself, and Asher, and one of them together.

“He doesn’t get to spend much time here, but I want him to think of this as his home.”

Elain jumped from where she’d been trailing her fingers along the railing of the black crib. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled and she could tell it was genuine. He stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, dropping a kiss to the spot where her neck met her shoulder.

“I’ve always wanted a big family,” Elain breathed. “Growing up with two sisters, I always knew, that’s how I wanted it to be. I can’t imagine it any other way.”

Azriel was silent for a minute and Elain was about to turn in his arms to face him when his arms tightened around her waist and he said, “I’ve always wanted a big, loving family because I never had one.”

He didn’t sound sad though, just thoughtful.

Elain turned and faced him. “I have no doubt you will have that someday.”

A small smile twisted his lips. “Your kindness is overwhelming, sometimes. Do you ever get mad? Annoyed? Have you ever cursed?”

Elain laughed, forehead falling against his chest. “Oh, yes. I curse all the time. In my mind.”

He laughed then, too, and the rumble in his chest shook her body lightly. “Will you curse for me?”

She glanced up at him. “What do you mean?”

“I want to hear you swear. Say a cuss word.” There was a light in his eyes that she wouldn’t have been able to say no to if she tried.

“Fine,” she said, and took a deep breath in. “Hell.”

Azriel threw back his head in laughter. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I said it,” she said, laughing herself.

“You said a place,” he said, resting his hands on her hips. “Give me a real one. And use it in a sentence.”

She gnawed on her lip, glancing down at the black ink peeking out of his v-neck shirt. She looked up at him, into his hazel eyes, as she breathed, “I want you to fuck me.”

Azriel leaned back, only slightly, his hazel eyes wide with surprise. “Was that…an example or an actual fact?”

“Both,” she whispered.

He leaned down and kissed her. “Dinner first. Then we’ll see about the rest.”

He walked away, glancing at her over his shoulder through his dark bangs, smiling tauntingly.

Elain didn’t move for a good minute. Her cheeks began to heat, her thoughts running rapidly through her mind.

It wasn’t until Asher began to fuss that she was snapped back into reality.

She made her way back down the stairs and found Azriel holding Asher while he stirred whatever delicious smell was filling the kitchen.

She sat down at the bar across from the stove, watching him, and said, “You never told me you could cook.”

“Sort of a hobby of mine.” He was bouncing Asher on his hip.

She smiled at the sight. “What are you making me?”

“Cajun chicken pasta,” he said. “Homemade sauce.”

Elain rested her chin on her hands. “Homemade, huh?”

He chuckled, bouncing Asher as he turned to face her. “You’re going to be pleasantly surprised. Promise.”

She stood up and walked around the island, reaching out and taking Asher from him. He immediately began to coo and kick. He gripped her hair and pulled. “Ow, okay, ow.” She laughed and she worked his chubby fingers from her hair, letting him cling to her finger. He began to laugh and Elain giggled, looking down at him.

She glanced up and blushed as she found him watching her, a hip leaned against the table.

“What?” She asked, swapping Asher to her other hip.

He reached out, brushing his thumb over her cheek. “You’re going to be an amazing mother.”

Elain felt her cheeks heating as she arched a brow. “Is that so?”

He nodded, smiling at her newfound nervousness.

His comment from the hallway came back to her mind.

Dinner first, then we’ll see about the rest.

Elain cleared her throat, setting Asher in his high chair by the table. She opened her mouth to change the subject, but nothing came.

“Ready to eat?” He asked, grabbing two — surprise, surprise — matte black bowls from the cupboard.

“Starved,” she said, taking a long drink and emptying her wine glass.

“Good,” he glanced over his shoulder at her and smiled.

He served them both, refilling Elain’s wine glass and opened a small jar of puréed carrots for Asher. The baby immediately resisted when he tried to put the spoon to his lips and Azriel sighed. “I gave him banana baby food one time and now nothing else is good enough.”

Elain laughed quietly and took a bite of her pasta. She dropped her fork back into the bowl and moaned.

When she opened her eyes, Azriel was staring at her with an intensity she’d never seen.

Elain quickly took another bite. “This is delicious.”

Azriel did nothing, didn’t move. It wasn’t until Asher began banging on his high chair table that Azriel blinked.

“Thank you,” he said, although his voice was quiet.

They ate their meal in silence, though, and as per usual, it was completely comfortable. They randomly caught each other’s eye and before long, Asher has dozed off in his high chair.

Azriel quickly finished off his food and picked Asher up. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna put him down.”

He left, leaving Elain to quickly check her breath. Although delicious, Cajun chicken pasta was not a very good meal to have before…

This was it.

It was the night.

Elain was nervous, but in a good way. A shock of thrill and affection shot through her body.

Waiting for his return felt like hours.

Finally, she heard him coming back down the stairs. She turned and looked at him as he reached the main floor. His hands were in his pockets and he looked up at her through his lashes. “Sorry, he woke back up right after I put him-.”

Elain had stood from her chair, crossed the room and crashed her lips against his, cutting him off. His arm snaked around her waist and his hand dove into her hair.

Azriel was quiet. He was respectful, and kind, and genuine. But as he kissed her, he was everything but the gentleman she had come to know. It wasn’t that he was disrespectful in any way, but he was rough. There was a need radiating through him that Elain mirrored.

Breaking apart from him in any way in that moment felt like the end of the world.

He gripped her under the thighs and lifted her, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist. There was no need to ask where he should take her, no need to remove his lips from hers.

When they entered his bedroom, her back did not meet plush expanse of the bed as she expected. No, he pressed her up against the wall, his hips pinning her in place as his palms pressed against the wall by her head. He tugged her bottom lip between his teeth and Elain gasped lightly.

He immediately pulled back, his eyes bright with desire. His gaze left her face, after snagging on her parted lips, dragging down her neck, to her chest, and then to her spread legs wrapped around him.

A shudder shook Elain’s slim frame.

It wasn’t that this would be her first time. She had made love to men before, and she had enjoyed them plenty, but her heart had never pounded inside of her chest as it was doing at this moment.

Azriel was not like the others.

She cared for him as if she had known him her entire life.

Her desire for him was a feeling that should have been impossible, fictional, but wasn’t.

“We don’t have to do this,” he said, his thumb brushing over her cheekbone. “I’m perfectly fine with going back downstairs and turning on a movie.”

Elain didn’t reply. Her arms wrapped tighter around his neck and she crashed her lips against his.

As they kissed, she worked her hands down to the hem of his shirt and lifted it. He broke the kiss and pulled it over his head. The sight of him made her mouth water.

The black ink that covered his arms continued onto his body, the swirls and whorls cascading down his chest and even onto his abdomen.

He spun them and carefully laid Elain on the bed, his lips finding her neck as he began to work the button on her jeans.

He continued his handiwork until she was bare before him.

Elain was not fond of being naked in front of a man, but he made her feel like a goddess.

She felt beautiful, invincible, ethereal.

She met his gaze as his skin, every inch of him, was pressed against her own. Azriel moved a strand of brown hair out of Elain’s eyes with steady, scarred fingers.

He pressed one, long kiss against her lips as he lifted her hips, her legs wrapping up around his waist as he pushed his length into her.

Elain’s eyes fluttered shut, her lips falling open as her body tensed from the contact.

He stilled once he was inside of her, letting her adjust to his size, his lips brushing over her cheeks, nose, eyelids, forehead. He kissed her lips, letting his hands roam over her body.

Elain stayed still, enjoying the fullness, the feeling of him filling her, until she felt like she was burning from the inside out. Her nails dug into his back as she began to writhe beneath him, aching for friction.

Azriel took the hint and slowly began to slide out of her. The headboard hit the wall as slammed back into her in a hard thrust. Elain cried out, his mouth still pressed against hers, and she clung to him as he set an unrelenting pace.

She suddenly could remember nothing, nothing else but him. She could barely remember who she was as his mouth slid along her jawbone, down to her neck, his tongue dancing along her burning skin.

Her released barreled into her all at once, surprising her, and she threw her head back in utter ecstasy. She had the vague notion of hearing herself calling his name, but could only focus on the feel of his hips rolling into hers.

Azriel was able to hold himself together until Elain begged, “Azriel, please,” and he began to spill himself inside of her with a groan.

After a while of making love and yearning for a life of staying in bed with the man beside her, Elain couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. As she lay awake with her head against his chest, tracing the ink along his tanned skin, Elain Archeron fell in love.

#lovely #tacmc #throne of ashes and beauty #collab #fanfic #acotar #acomaaf #acowar #acofas #elriel #feysand #numbness #fanfiction

359 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

elrefugio101

El Refugio 101

thewonderhours

The Wonder Hours

elconjuro-latino-horror-hd

Repelis.HD ~ El conjuro 3 *Película* en Español libre en líne

spazthoughts

Reality Is Wrong . Dreams Are For REAL .

akeshushu76

Memento Mori