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#literally he does nothing to fix the problems INSIDE the apartment but
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they are using tools in the apartment staricase for like 3 hours.
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amuseoffyre · 9 months
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I’m emotionally ruined by the fact that Aziraphale hasn’t broken out of his heavenly conditioning. He still loves doing good. He gets happy when people tell him he’s an angel and says “it’s nice to tell people about the good things you’ve done now that I’m not reporting to Heaven”. He will literally put himself in harm’s way to make sure he does the Good and Right thing.
It can’t be understated how much Heaven’s influence still impacts on him. Aziraphale has been created, ordained and conditioned to believe it and he can’t just switch it off or walk away. Crowley didn’t get the choice. He was Fallen. He was kicked out and - as per the rules of toxic and terrifying cults - Aziraphale was always told for centuries and millennia, Falling was the worst thing that could happen. If you’re bad, you’ll be forced out. If you’re bad, you’re not one of Us. You’re one of Them.
When he did something he perceived as Right (ie. saving innocent children from death), but knew it wasn’t what Heaven intended, he broke down. Crowley found him a crying, shaking wreck afterwards because he was so convinced he was Evil. He was so convinced he was going to be dragged to Hell and that he was now a demon because he did one thing that saved some children but because it wasn’t a specific directive, it was Bad.
It shapes so much about him and it’s why the whole series looks like he’s having so much fun doing silly human things, but there’s this brittleness to it. He’s happy and excited and he’s doing his human-life things and having a lovely time, but he’s also constantly stressed because of the Need To Do Good. From the moment Gabriel turns up, he’s a nervous wreck and is trying to hide it by Doing Good, by Solving the Problem, by Fixing Things, by being so active and reactive rather than letting himself think about it. It’s a sign of exactly how frantic he is that he starts giving away his books and letting humans touch them.
Watch his face when the Archangels show up unexpectedly: that isn’t joy. That’s blind terror. He’s so afraid of doing the wrong thing in Heaven’s eyes, even though he made the active choice to do so because it was the Right thing to do. He’s a Guardian and he will protect, but he is so very afraid of the repercussions, even now. 
At the end of S1, Crowley said “they’re gearing up for the big one” so Aziraphale’s not oblivious. He knows a big one is coming. He knows something worse than the Antichrist will be on its way. And he’s trying so hard to pretend that everything is normal and fine and if he ignores all the looming bad stuff, it won’t happen. If we don’t say anything about it, nothing has to change.
But then the changes come knocking at his door holding a box and the choice is gone. He can keep trying to blinker himself to it, but then there are angels and demons in the bookshop and he’s had to use his halo and everything is falling apart.
So when he realises that he can get himself into a position where he can guarantee those repercussions won’t happen to Crowley? He will absolutely take it. He says himself “I don’t want to go back to Heaven”, but the instant the Metatron offers him a free pass for Crowley, to take Crowley out of both Heaven and Hell’s sightlines, to keep him safe (Another bee inside the hive, if you will), no wonder he grabs it with both hands.
The tragedy is that Crowley thinks that when they saved the world together, that was the end of Heaven’s influence in Aziraphale. When he was cast out the split between him and Heaven was sharp and clean. He doesn’t - he can’t - understand how deeply it has tangled around Aziraphale. It’s built into Aziraphale’s entire being and unravelling it isn’t that simple. Aziraphale’s trauma is a horrible, terrible Gordian knot and Crowley can’t understand that he couldn’t simply cut through it, because that’s just not how Aziraphale works.
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phenomenalgirl9 · 9 months
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Jeong Yunho x Reader: Hair Do?
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Summary: Parenting a child alone is tough. Yunho mostly manages the most but problems arise when his daughter comes home crying that her friends were laughing at her hair style. Lucky for him, you, a hairstylist were his neighbours.
A/n: Yunho.. 🔥... Dad Yunho...🔥🔥🔥 There's an easter egg which you would find if you've read my other Ateez fics (its a certain character). Anyways send an ask if you figure it out.
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"No papa. This looks so bad" Sarang whined. And Yunho felt like hitting his head on the faucet as his 5 year old sat on the sink, whining about her pigtails. "Sarang-a I told you that day to get a pretty hair cut instead. Daddy doesn't know how to do hair" he tried to reason with her. "Daddy needs to learn doing hair. When Sarang does not know something daddy says learn. Daddy learn!" She said. He just nodded and said "okay, if Sarang listens to daddy today, then daddy will learn"
She seemed to lomder on the thought and finally nodded. Yunho finally managed to leave the apartment on time. He smiled at his neighbour on his way. 
"Hi Sarang" she chirped. "Hi Y/n unni!" She replied, grinning. "ah. Um. Mr Jung, can I… um" Y/n fumbled.
"Yes?" He said confused and then noticed Y/n looking at Sarang's pigtails and he scratched his neck shyly. "May I?" Y/n asked and Yunho immediately sighed in relief and said a small "sure".
Y/n gave her bag to Mika and kneeled down to Sarang's level and started fixing her hair. After being done, she pulled out her phone and showed it to her and Sarang cheered in joy. The two walked off and Y/n watched them with a smile. 
She walked into her apartment to find her best friend Mika on the couch. "What took you so long?" She asked, to which Y/n explained what had happened.
"So that's the cute child and the hot neighbor you always talk about?" 
"Cute child, yes, but I never said Mr Jung is hot," you said. "So you're telling me he isn't hot?" She said, while following you inside your room. "Of course he is.." you answered and she went "hah!". "Mika. No." You warned. "Fuck. Yes" she said. "His wife died!" You said, trying to make reasons. 
"Yes, four years ago" she said. "How do you know that?" You asked in surprise, "you've told me!" She defended. "Y/n, he could be interested in you. And what's with this Mr Jung?" She asked. You shrugged and said "I don't know, he just calls me Mr L/n" you said and Mika shook her head. 
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In Office 
"Dude you were almost late" Seonghwa chided
"At least I'm not late," Yunho said and walked off to his work. 
Later at lunch Seonghwa found him watching hair tying tutorials. "What's up? New demands?" He asked. "She wants daddy to learn how to do hair," Yunho said. Seoghwa laughed and patted the younger's head. "What's up?" They both looked to see Wooyoung. "Nothing just a dad tryna meet his daughter's demands"Seonghwa said as the third male sat down. "Are all the meeting materials ready? This one is really very important" Wooyoung asked Yunho who nodded and said "I think we'll get the deal, if everything goes well-" and before he could complete his phone started ringing. "It's Sarang's school" he said and picked up the call. He spoke for a while and hung up. "I didn't know they had a half day today, I missed the notice, the meeting is in 20 minutes. Fuck! What should I do?!" He said, holding his head. "Wait. Wait. Let us think" Seonghwa mediated. "Hey! My girlfriend could help out, she's free today!"Wooyoung said. "Would she really?" Yunho asked, he knew Wooyoung's Girlfriend, she had helped him on many occasions before. "She loves kids and she loves Sarang. I literally fell in love with her after I watched her babysitting Kyungmin. She was so-" Wooyoung was interrupted by Seonghwa, "We know, we know, call her please" 
"Oh yeah" Wooyoung said and called his girlfriend. "Hey babe, can you pick Sarang from her school and look after her?..... Okay… Okay! Thank you so much babe!" He hung up and said "Yunho, send her the school details and tell Sarang's class teacher" Wooyoung said and Yunho nodded. "I owe her a big one," he said. "Don't worry about it" Wooyoung assured. 
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Near school
"Are you here to pick up Sarang?" The teacher asked. "Yes," Mika replied, "Wait. Sarang?" Y/n asked in shock. "Mika, Wooyoung's friend's daughter's name is Sarang?!" Y/n asked, still in shock. "You know Sarang? Oh my god! Yunho is your neighbor! How come I never thought of it?" Mika said and as Sarang came running calling "Mika sukmo (aunty)!!!" And hugged her legs. "Y/n Unni?!" She then noticed you, "Hello Sarang" you said, patting her head as she smiled widely at you.
"So I got sukmo and she's unni?" Mika grumbled. 
So, Sarang, Mika and you walked to your apartment and had fun, eating, watching Frozen when Y/n's doorbell rang. 
"Dude I still can't believe you call Y/n, Ms L/n" Wooying said as he walked inside your house like its his own, even though its his first time visiting your house.
"Right? I never knew Yunho lived here" Mika said as Wooyoung added to how shocked he was to know that I was Yunho's neighbor all this while. And the two of you shook your heads. 
"Where is Sarang?" He asked. You pointed towards the couch where Sarang was watching Elsa sing Let it go. "Was she good?" He asked and you replied "She's a very good child, Mr Jung. You're a good father" you said. "I think we can come on a first name basis? Call me Yunho?"  He asked, offering a charming smile and you returned it.
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Few days later in the Morning
"Morning Yunho" you smiled, "Morning Y/n" he said as your eyes met and you both offered a smile. 
You were in the kitchen when you hearx whines from outside, you went up to the door and opened it, because the voice sounded like Sarang.
"Daddy promised a nice hair style!" She stomped. "Sarang please, daddy has important work in the office" Yunho, trying to yet again reason with his 5 year old and looked at Sarang. His eyes almost cried for help but he was too shy to ask for it right away and he looked away. 
"Yunho, why don't I fix Sarang's hair and drop her. I don't have work yet so I'll manage" Y/n said.
"No, I can't ask that of you, '' Yunho said grimacing.
"Yunho. It's not a big deal, styling is my job and I am free" she assured him. He took a sigh and glanced at his watch, and said "okay. Thank you so much" he said and kneeled to Sarang's level "is it okay if Y/n does your hair and take you to school?" And she nodded excitedly. "Be a good girl okay?" He said patting her head and after thanking her again he was about to walk away when Y/n stopped him as saud "you can ask for help if you'd like. You don't necessarily have to be alone" to which Yunho nodded. Y/n took Sarang in and quickly did her hair into a pretty double braid. "Unni?" Sarang called as you made her braid. "Can you do my hair everyday?" The baby asked. Y/n didn't know how to react to that and said "we'll ask papa about that okay?" And Sarang nodded. Dropping Sarang to school was not even a hassle. You were driving back, when you received a call and went to work. 
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"So you do her hair everyday now?" Mika asked and you nodded. "You all also have dinner together while watching Tangled with his 5 year old" she asked yet again and you nodded. "What are you two?" She asked again and this time you said "We're just friends Mika. What do you mean?". "Friends?! Friends don't eye each other like that?! Yunho sighed when he saw you laugh at Mingi's joke. You should have seen his face when Mingi gave your ice-cream order when you were in the washroom and claimed he knows you as well as I do" all this information seems too good to be true. 
"You read them wrong. Cause how come we spend so much time together and he never made one move on me?" You said and the two of you shut up. That was when you heard the very drunk Wooyoung giggle. Yes, Yunho and Mika invited you to their monthly friends' get-together dinner. You already knew Mingi through Mika, and you met San and Yeosang as well. "He likes you~" Wooyoung said and giggled from the back seat. "He is just nervous because being with him also involves Sarang" he said in a sing song manner. "But Sarang loves her and Y/n loves Sarang!" Mika told her drunk boyfriend. "That's what we told him,'' Wooyoung said and passed out, with a dumb smile on his face. Thus, a plan was made 
A few days later, in the evening you walked up to his foor and when he opened you asked "Yunho, do you wanna go out for dinner with me?" 
"I would but Sarang is not home, Mika invited her to have a sleepover with her niece and nephews" he explained. "Yunho, I am asking YOU out" you repeated, almost taken aback, now you felt nervous, were they wrong?
 "Oh. Um. su-yes. Yes. Lets I- I will see you in fif-fifteen minutes" he stuttered and bowed and closed the door. 
You smiled to yourself and muttered "cute".
You and Yunho walked to a near by snack bar and ordered. "So you know Mika since college?" He asked and you nodded. "We met in our elective art class in the first week" you said. "And Mingi?" He asked. "I met him through Mika and we became good friends" you said smiling at your fond memories. "So when did you both… um… get together?" He asked and you choked on your food. "Hey! Are you okay?" He got up and came to your side immediately patting your back. "Me and Mingi? Where did you get that idea from?" You asked, finally looking at him. He was taken aback and fumbling with his words, man he was so cute when he got nervous "No- he just. The way he reacts, it's just-" he was interrupted by your laugh. "Yunho, no. We aren't a thing, it's just a thing he does to tease Mika cause she declares she knows me better than my mother. Besides, why would I ask you on a date if I were with Mingi!" You said squinting your eyes. "We're on a date?" He repeated  "wait Yunho, I thought I made myself clear when I asked you out. Fuck. Did I make you uncomfortable?" You asked. "No. But thank you for clarifying. I'm glad you asked me. Sorry my senses have blunted, I haven't done this in a while, since I got together with my wife." He said smiling. "What was your wife like?" You asked, "she was really brave and kind and one of the most amazing women I met. She loved me and Sarang" he said. "You love her alot too" you said looking down at your hands on the table, almost feeling bad for your decision and yourself. You felt Yunho reach for your hand and said "this feels nice, thank you. I have been meaning to ask you out on a date but I was chickening out" Yunho admitted, making you smile and blush. "You know, dating wasn't really an option, with Sarang and work, together." He said. "She's a very sweet girl and you've been doing such a good job with her. But you do know that you deserve to get out there too you know, let loose a little bit. You're not alone and I would love to help you with Sarang" you said, your sincerity shining in your eyes and Yunho smiling at you. "You are a blessing to me," he said. 
He was surprised how you do it, how you understand him and Sarang so well, before you know they became a daily part of your life as you become theirs. It's been 4 months and now Sarang has a drawer in your closet and her Mr Dolphin for when she naps at your place. You also had a drawer in Yunho's closet for things you might need or left when you spent the nights over. It took him 3 more months and an almost beating from Mika for him to get the courage and ask you to be his girlfriend. It's beyond saying that you said yes and Sarang was more than happy to have her Y/n unni over more often. 
Soon that dreaded day came on Yunho's life, his wife's death anniversary. He was shocked when he found some daisies on the dining table, your ex-wife's favorite flowers. He almost cried when you offered to go with him to her grave. You stood there that day and promised her to love Sarang as your own and to make sure these two are always taken care of. You felt glad that Yunho brought you with him, somehow this year, Yunho didn't cry, didn't feel broken, he thought the wound his ex-wife's passing brought him will never be healed but it is little by little with you. He held your hand and promised to never let go of you to never let anything hurt you. 
A few weeks later you received a call from Sarang's school that she wanted you to go get her. You talked to your boss and took time off to pick up Sarang from school. Her eyes were red hair was a mess, there was chewing gum stuck to her hair. Seeing her state pained you, she was so quiet, you called her name twice but she turned her head away, indicating she doesn't want to speak yet. All you knew was she had a fight in school, according to her homeroom teacher. You reached your apartment building and slowly slipped into Yunho's apartment with Sarang in your lap.
You made her sit on the couch and finally asked in the softest voice you could muster "do you wanna talk Sarang? You don't have to, you can just tell me what you need me to do for you?" You reached out for her and she let you hold her shoulder. She looked at you with her big eyes filled with tears and then rushed into your arms, her little hands hugging your neck.
"They said mean things about ma, dad and you. They said I look hideous and spoiled my hair" you did have the chance to look earlier but now that you see the gum was stretched across a few sections of her hair.
"Don't cry baby, it can be fixed, you are the prettiest girl that there is out there" you said, "do you want me to call daddy?" You asked, reaching out for your phone and she vigorously shook her head no. "No no, daddy will scold me for fighting" she started sobbing into your shirt again. "Sarang, love, daddy won't scold you, but if you don't want it, I won't call him. But you will tell him once he comes home okay?" You said and she nodded.
"Can you fix my hair?" She asked, sniffing hard and smiled and nodded. You had your stuff and hair kit in your purse as you just came from work so you pulled them out and took her to the washroom. You first gave her a warm bath and then untangled her hair, minimally chopping the parts with the gum. Then giving her a hair cut her hair was shorter than before now. The smile she flashed at you when you said it was done was priceless. "I look pretty," she said and hugged you. By the time it was 7pm both your and Sarang's nerves were wracking. The clock turned 8 but still no sign of Yunho, while he should have been home an hour ago. It was after 9 when you were preparing dinner that Yunho walked in, he looked tired. "Hi" he greeted you with a back hug and hearing the door Sarang walked in. "Sarang didn't go to the day care? You brought her straight home? Did you get off early or somethi-" he stopped when he looked at Sarang and just said "Y/n can you step out with me for a moment?" You turned around in confusion and nodded. You put the stove in low heat and walked out with Yunho, he looked like he was fuming that was something so unlike him. Of course you've had misunderstandings and quarrels but he never looked this mad. "You cut Sarang's hair" Yunho asked, "Yes she wanted it and needed it. Sarang will-" before you could complete Yunho interrupted you raising his voice "You couldn't even asked me or tell me? How could you just decide she needed it?!" He asked sternly. "I-Sarang-" you mumbled, "You can't just decide these kind of things! You're supposed to ask me, you're not her mother" he said and his eyes went wide so did yours. Tears stung your eyes and Yunho saw the hurt behind them, but it was done, the words were out there, already been said. "You're right, I'm not" you said and rushed to his apartment to gather your bad and phone and walked out. "No Y/n- wait" he tried to say but he had said enough and you were done listening, walked into your apartment and threw off the bag on the couch and crumbled down in tears. How could he say that, you loved Sarang, you knew you were not her mother, but she loves you and you love her as if your own. You love him like nobody else. 
Yunho cursed into his pillow, he had two important people in his life, and he hurt one of them, he hurt the person he promised he'd protect. "Daddy why are you crying? Where is Y/n unni?" Sarang asked as she walked in his room, the room him and Y/n shared for the past few months. He didn't even notice he was crying until Sarang pointed out. "Daddy messed up bad Y/n will hate daddy now" Yunho said. Suddenly something struck Sarang's mind and she started telling Yunho what had happened today at school as Y/n has told her to. Yunho was stunned, he burst at you even without knowing why you did what you did. He felt more guilty, he remembered from the time that he and you went for your first date. He couldn't let you go, he won't! He will win you back. 
Mika almost threw a bottle of tomato sauce at him when she saw him. Thank god Wooyoung calmed her down so they could talk. It's been 3 days since the fight, he and you ran into each other yesterday, you greeted Sarang and walked away, not even sparing a glance towards Yunho. So the plan was set, Mika forced you to get dressed and go to this cafe she wanted to take you too. You were sitting when she said she'll come from the washroom. Suddenly, you see a very familiar figure run to you and instantly cling to you. "I missed you'' she said, "I miss you too Sarang. Why are you here? Where is Yunho?" You asked. "I came running to you Mommy" she said and you choked on your saliva. "What did you call me?" You asked shocked. "Mommy. Sarang's Mommy" she said, hugging you and you held her. "Yes, Sarang's mommy" you heard the voice from behind you, and looked behind to find Yunho sitting on one knee and your eyes went wide. "Don't worry I'm not proposing, not yet, not for marriage I mean-I" he stopped and took in a long breath. "Y/n you have been an immense support of me for the last 9 months, and I stick to my words, you truly are a blessing to me. I know what I said was offensive but I never meant it. Today when I asked how Sarang would feel on this matter, the smile on her face said how important you are to her, not only to Sarang but also. I see a future with you. So, here I have a promise ring and a promise, to never hurt you, to try my best to be your comfort and pillar as you are for me. I promise" he said, eyes on you, he was really sincere, you shook your head and just rushed to hug him. The truth is, you missed him like crazy, the past few months, you've grown used to being and even sleeping with him so you couldn't even sleep properly at night without the warmth of Yunho beside you. He immediately wrapped his arms around you "I'm taking that as a yes?" He said, just to make sure and you lighty punch his chest and laugh. "Sarang" you called her and extended your arm and she joined you two. "Finally!!!" You heard and found Mika, Wooyoung and Mingi with little poppers and Yunho slid the ring on your finger. 
Yes, you finally moved in and Sarang was so happy. You both divided chores, sometimes Yunho would do your part if he sees you stressed. Of course his monthly haircuts were now given by you, he'd even let you dye his hair. Sarang was happy to have a mom now. 
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It's been 3 years since and today, it's your wedding day. It would have been a year ago but you had a difficult time convincing your parents. He was originally a bit apprehensive towards the idea of marrying 'a man who has a child' but when they finally agreed to him and Sarang, then saw the three of you together they agreed, they just wanted you to be happy. 
So here you are with your bridesmaids Mika and Flower boy (Mika and Wooyoung's son) walking down the aisle to get wed to the love of your life. His eyes glisten as he saw you walking towards him, his best man, Wooyoung beside him and Sarang the ring bearer with him. You were ready for your forever. 
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Masterlist
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rengo-katze · 2 years
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Alexithymia
Pairing: Todoroki Shouto x Yaoyorozu Momo
Word count: 609
A/N: Literally mind vomit at this point, with a little bit of angst. Not going to lead to a conclusion since this is mostly feelings and all that shit. Momo-centric thoughts.
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"Uh, yow, Momo. How do I put this... You see, I kinda have a problem with.. your boyfriend."
"Momo! Did you see what he did?? Todoroki just grabbed a handful of my chips without even asking!"
"There he goes again. That fucking Half n' Half bumping into my books without fucking apologizing! Hey, Ponytail! He should know his damn place!!"
"Uhm, Yaoyorozu? Do you happen to know where Todoroki is? It's about the group project. He's not replying on our chat. Maybe you could message him? Thanks a lot."
"Those hard headed punks. This is why I think teaching ain't for me at all... Toga, Yaoyorozu. I've received reports that your significant others issued a challenge to one another this lunch time. Hurry up and follow me. We're gonna tear them apart from each other while they're still alive."
"You're the hero Shouto's girlfriend?! My, my. Figures since you're such a pretty girl! I can't believe it! But then again, you're such a bubbly cutie. How on Earth do you stand that stoic prince? Haha. Does he even smile at all?"
"Look, Momo. We have nothing against you and Shouto. In fact, me and your father are very grateful for him for the past three years he has been taking care of you. We could never get to repay him at all. It's just that.. he is a bit rough around the edges and seemingly impulsive with his choice of words sometimes. Last night's dinner was a bit awkward when he got into a heated debate with your father on politics. He's nice and all but.. does he ever think his words and actions through? Now, don't cry, Momo. I'm very sorry for bringing this up, sweetie. There, there. We know you love him so much. We just.. don't want everything to be awkward from now on, right?"
It was enough. It was plenty enough.
Yaoyorozu Momo, a trainee hero who just entered the scene with her fellow classmates one month ago, was on the verge of having her emotions explode through her silent cries. After a confrontation from her mother, she retreated to her room for solace, something she needed after the relatively harsh attacks that she received that afternoon. She knew that her family was very gentle with her. So much that she was a rather sheltered child that grew into a humble and graceful young lady. Swear words, profanities, and biased hatred were very seldom heard inside their household.
So when this sprouting uneasiness about Momo's long-term boyfriend, Todoroki Shouto, was brought up by her mother, Momo couldn't believe that the issue held that much gravity for her parents to call her out for it. She convinced herself that maybe they were just worked up and being overprotective of her again as Shouto was the only person she had ever had for a romantic partner all her life. But as she crouched down on her bedroom floor, memories of how her friends, teachers, and other acquaintances talked to her about their own personal issues with Shouto had entered her head. And further was her defending him on all of these cases, saying he was an airhead or that he was socially inept. She kept making excuses for him because she felt the need to protect him all the time. But now that her own parents have criticized him while she was still adjusting and taking little shaking steps towards her hero career, she tried shaking off the previous sadness in her and replaced it with determination. She needed to fix this, now or never.
"That's it. I'm gonna tell Shouto about this once and for all."
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skhardwarevers2 · 1 month
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[put grief here please thanks] <- that is actually what I put in this draft so I knew what it was for omfg…
Intro as written in the original document:
It’ll never live up to ARTCON, sure–but one can try and try I will. 
If I ever figure out what this is about. It’s not a sequel to the incomprehensible slop that was ARTCON, I need a more coherent idea than that.
Okay, maybe it’s not a sequel to ARTCON but maybe heavily based on it and about N/A…thought stuff and what-not
The Unheard Point of View from Creature Feature: The Finale
[you know me, my writing is weird. If you’ve read and vaguely remember ARTCON it’s like that obviously.]
tags as written on my original post of this
[!!TW!!: BUGS, GORE, ORGANS, BODY HORROR, AND JUST REALLY CREEPY CRAWLY THINGS]
I remember(?) being awake for the first time. I couldn’t recall what had happened–I just knew that it hurt. It still did, does, and will(I would assume). It wasn’t the initial hit, the scissors were easy to handle. All they did was get caught in my chest for a while. What hurt more was them taking them out and leaving me there to bleed out. I tried to call out to him, but I didn’t. He’d know something was up, or maybe he didn’t care. I’m just a thorn in his side anyway, right? A painful reminder, a monstrous entity. I didn’t want to be but I was. It took everything in me not to retreat again, to that mental hell(literal hell). Agonizing pain and fear flooded my senses till I couldn’t figure out where I ended and the pool of blood that was staining the abyss began. It was dark, dark and cold. It felt too familiar. I was like a rat scratching at the walls, I didn’t know where I was–I just wanted out. I could hear my internal residents (bugs, wretched little things, just like me) complain about the poor condition. I couldn’t even do something as simple as provide shelter for these damned things, let alone my real job. Make my primary a better person and then die. A cold lonely terrible death. For a moment I swore I could hear something whisper in my ear–“we could fix that problem”. It was so enticing. To live. To be seen as something more than an animal’s corpse. Despite how my body began to rot in record time, chunks of my hair falling out and bits of my skin getting peeled away as I(?) writhed in pain. I wanted to speed up the process of dying but I didn’t want it to hurt. So I would tear and peel and scratch and pull myself apart and cry my terrible rotten tears as I could do nothing but hate myself. If I even count as a “my” or a “self”. I couldn’t even feel bad. Everything happening here was my own doing. Once again the voice came back into my head, this time I was certain it was real. “We can fix you,” they said. And I wanted it so desperately to be true. The abyss wrapped around me, like a cocoon. For a moment I was where I belonged. Safe. Warm. Protected. For a moment the pain stopped and I–for just this one moment–felt human. But no matter how well you treat an animal, one day you’re going to eat it. The abyss tore me open, completely gutting me. Showing me how disgustingly human I already was. Blood and guts spilled onto the floor. Nothing that surprising. I knew I had some sort of organs. It still hurt. It still was disgusting to look at. I couldn’t even scream. They had taken away my throat and my voice along with it. I wasn’t sure how I still managed to cry. And when I thought it was over, when I thought there was nothing else they could possibly tear out and mangle with their harsh hands and words(which had been muttering something about how wretched of a creature I was, something I had proved time and time again to be true)–they took my heart. Carefully ripping it from its spot in my chest, placing it in itself. It needed a new one, and promptly thanked me for my cooperation. In return they’d keep me here, in this state, my chest gaping open with veins and small organs that got stuck just sitting there like decorations. Inside of the abyss, who was now alive, thanks to me. At least I helped something. I was a part of something, some one. I understand the bugs
now. So reliant on something else for life that’s not as reliant on you. Because of a want to be part of something bigger. The Abyss, in some sort of attempt to keep me contained–reached into my brain to find the perfect place to put me. Slowly I was entrapped in those same bland walls that I hated. My mental hell turned literal hell. It’s what I deserved, likely. If I never showed up this wouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have pushed it trying to fix things beyond repair. If they were ever broken. Its hands (or at least two of them), stayed in my brain–needing that too to increase efficiency. For the first time in a while I didn't think. I just laid there on the cold, cold ground and wept for the sorry being that I’ve become (have always been). At some point there was no difference between the Abyss the Grief and me. Grief took over for both of us, as we tore apart the person who put me(us) in this situation. And after that we rested. Satisfied with having ripped them apart the same way they did me(us). At some point I stopped feeling any more of the pain from my primary. I didn’t think much of it, until I opened my eyes, like some terrible nightmare, to find myself right where I was before this happened. On the floor of the (dead) Abyss, bleeding out with a gaping hole in my chest. The bugs were back (empathetic this time). I always thought they never were there, but maybe the literal hell that formed before brought them back. They rejoined me, making my skin crawl in disgust for how inconsiderate we both were being, but at least I(?) wasn’t alone. I’d make it out of this place, even if it killed me. I tried to stand, but I could barely feel my legs. No matter. I’ll slowly inch my way closer and closer to my (former) primary day by day, week by week, month by month if I had to. Maybe then I’ll finally prove the point that I truly don’t want to die. Maybe then I’ll feel human. Maybe then I’ll truly be a reminder to him, not just a pest. Maybe.
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icharchivist · 4 months
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God, the "dysfunctional twins who used to be so close and then fell out but it's like losing a limb and they notice the loss every day" angle on Lucifer and Belial is so compelling
Rip Sandalphon, but I desperately need his boyfriend and his brother in law to hang out
NO BUT FOR REAL.
and it's mostly HC but the idea of like.
Belial genuinely believing Lucifer is the root of all of his problems. He can't help but loving him still. Knowing also that Belial loves and hates "love", this adds to how it's just, love isn't a positive thing here. He hates that he cares. He doesn't want to. He blames Lucifer for everything. All the bad things. all the good things. He deliberately wants to get rid of him hoping it'll mean he will get better. He only gets worse. He feels hollow. He severed this limb himself. Does he regret? If you ask him, he would say no. But he hates this hollowness inside of him. He doesn't want Lucifer back. he thinks about Lucifer everyday. Maybe part of him is aware that if he had came back, if he had stayed with Lucifer for one day, then this affection he's beaten down and locked away would come back as strongly as ever, and he can't let it happen. Instead he left it locked somewhere inside, and now that Lucifer is dead, its bleeding. Belial just has to ignore it. How hard it is? he lived with the grief of losing Lucilius and obviously Lucilius was more important, so he can live with losing Lucifer. He can't. And he can't rationalize it because he spent so long convincing himself it's the only way for him to be happy. Happiness must just really taste like Misery.
And for Lucifer, it's the longing, it's the open wound he cannot ignore. Belial goes through loop to justify it's not here, but for Lucifer it's being aware of this wound and desperately wanting to heal it, both for himself and for Belial, only to see Belial rejecting him over and over again. Lucifer is bleeding out, but so is Belial, and Lucifer centers it in his mind. It's his fault after all isn't it? Can't he do anything to fix it? Well now he's dead. Belial tried to cut this bond one last time. And this is just even more misery. He wants to reach out, but he's dead now. There's nothing he can do to fix it. He'd desperately want to fix it. But even if he was alive, he knows Belial would still push him away.And so they're both bleeding out.
It's just SUCH a compelling drama for me. The idea that love isn't enough to fill the gap that push them apart, but hatred is even worse. They wish to no longer be in pain, but they make each other suffer just by being around each other. And also when they're apart. They're no version of the story where they don't hurt each other. And no version where they fully hate each other for that.
like ofc it's a lot of HCs on projecting on some vague stuff we got here and there but i genuinely believe this reading is right there and it makes my heart ache every single time and it's so compelling to me.
so yeah Sandalphon i'm so sorry, but if you get your boyfriend back, i want him to be able to fix his relationship with his twin. Literally would mean everything to me. I'm so sorry it means you have to deal with the worst in law of all time. But you need to understand. it compels me sO MUCH.
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batjokes-yaoi · 10 months
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Alphabet ask game - P
ihave only . ONE P LETTER CHARACYER I CAN THINK OF AND THATS PRINCESS! shes sooooooo. shes so. rahhhh ♥️
shes one of my MANY werewolf ocs and she is the Silliest of them. shes like. 16? she got caught by the local necromancer sweeney and got stitched together with a vampire. most of the vampire bits are more on the inside but even still she fucking *hates* it. she got brought back to life all frankenstein style and immediately had to be locked up so she didnt tear sweeney apart.
after a while, sweeney had to Jump from sweeneys hideout bc got paranoid and might be getting snitched on. in the middle of Getting the fuck out of there, sweeneys Actual frankensteins monster takes a few locks off the doorto the room trapping princess (mainly cause they feel bad).
after a few days she got out with just a fucking Vengeance, and wonders a bit hunting for sweeney. at some point she meets (or is more like Forcefully made besties) with a little vampire kid named oxy! (my buddy's @/itsprettychili 's character ^_^) they become close, tho princess is still hunting for sweeney like a bloodhound. she does, at some point, get a lead to where sweeney and buddy went. they went over to a neighboring island where a bug town is settled. sweeney gets found and becomes nothing but a stain on the ground, but even tho princess did enact revenge she gets. very. restless? it was very satisfying but. she wants to do it again and cant and feels awful that it didnt fix her problems.
idk how she gets to actually healing, but she does do journaling and drawingto take out her frustrations. (she also knows how to sow but mainly just to fix her dresses.she doesnt Enjoy it due to. experiences). she gets better ^_^ and also is sort of adopted by oxys dad? sort of? more like oxy and princess became like sisters and oxys dad was just. dragged into the found family by proxy bc hes literally oxys dad
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jimilter · 3 years
Text
riptide (m) | k.sj. | (1/2)
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one | two
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pairing:  kim seokjin x reader
rating:  m (18+)
genre:  angst | smut | established relationship!au
summary:  It takes a foolishly trivial incident to unravel how astonishingly little you and Seokjin actually understand each other. It has you questioning your relationship, and him? Well, he’s questioning his whole life.
warnings:  swearing + implied alcohol consumption + realistic relationship problems + mentions of insecurities, jealousy, complicated mental dispositions + emotional distress + sexual situations (unprotected penetrative sex, dirty talking, a bit of manhandling, fingering) + mentions of masturbation + a ton of miscommunication (refer to the summary smh)
word count: 12.3 k
note:  it’s FINALLY done, y’all! came up to be a monster of 25k words, so i decided to split it into two. i’ll drop the other part next week. this took a lot more time, energy and re-writing than i’d thought it would. i began writing this in january - it’s been five excruciating months! 😩 i really hope y'all will like this one~ 🥺💜
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💟 YOUTH – 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
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— masterlist
— feedback is always appreciated!
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riptide (n) – a dangerous area of strongly moving water in the sea, where two or more currents meet.
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Lady, running down to the riptide - Taken away to the dark side - I wanna be your left hand man.
The turn of events has been so fucking hilariously impossible that Seokjin has literally been rendered speechless. Which doesn't happen often, mind you. What can he do, he is just extremely witty—he always has something to say about everything, usually and preferably with impeccable comic timing. Especially when it comes to you. 
This, though. This completely baffling scenario, right in front of him, has him gaping like a goldfish with no words to say.
"Final call, Jin. Gawk at me for five more seconds and I walk out of here," you threaten, an elegant arm poised at your waist and gorgeously plump lips pressed into a thin line. "Say something?"
And Seokjin still cannot formulate a single word, because what the actual fuck? How can you even think that he could ever— 
"Alright." You catwalk out of his bedroom, leaving him blinking into space.
He jumps the next second, leaping after you. "Honey! How would—what—I can never—why do I even have to say—will you wait? You’re being so ridiculous, right now, I hope you know that!"
If he wasn't in such a fix, Seokjin would physically cringe at his speech. It was better when he was just gaping.
“Honey! Stop being so overdramatic, you’ve known me and you’ve known Jimin! For years! Stop acting like you seriously don’t know what happened, here!”
You don't stop, though, gliding down the stairs and hopping over the haphazardly tossed items in the living room as you exit out of the house.
And then you're gone. You're really gone, over something so fucking ridiculous, that Seokjin still has no words to say.
All he knows is that his girlfriend of five years has finally gone crazy enough to jump to conclusions of such high magnitude of stupidity.
And, that Park Jimin is a dead man.
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It all begins on an unsuspecting Sunday morning, when the entire house is smelling of weed, stale booze and some worse fluids. 
Last night, Seokjin vacated his own bedroom for the boys to smoke up in at Jimin's request, because that is the only well ventilated room of the house. He spent the night in Yoongi's room with earplugs in, dead to all the chaos in the house—as he often does on party nights—to catch up on his beauty sleep. He cannot afford any unbecoming dark circles or, God forbid, breakouts.
And no, that's not a comedic moment, he really does need his face looking perfect this week for reasons outside of personal gratification too, because he has a shoot on Tuesday. He especially took a leave from his part-time job at the Mexican restaurant downtown where his girlfriend, you, work full-time, on a Tuesday—saying goodbye to all the amazing tips always forwarded to the cooks on Taco Tuesday—for this. Nothing would mess up his face.
Not to mention that one very important audition for a very gigantic project he's been looking forward to. They're yet to announce the date, but it would be this very month. He hasn't really told you much about it, planning a huge surprise for later when—if, actually, but he prefers to be unrealistically optimistic in every situation possible—he bags the coveted position, at the end. He hasn't really decided upon much, other than a long drive and a picnic date to one of those grasslands on the city's outskirts that you love so much. Oh, and bringing up the prospect of moving in together in an apartment with just the two of you. 
He's pretty certain you must not remember him raving about the opportunity, because it has been months since he did that. He then proceeded to be covert about all the mini auditions and trainings he underwent to prepare for the final audition, and he is confident you have not connected the dots.
But that is all a discussion for later — he doesn't even know when he would be auditioning. 
The crux of the whole matter is that he needs to keep looking as flawless as he can until that audition happens.
So he has slept like a baby, last night, while the rest of his friends have partied, including two out of three of his housemates—Hoseok and Jimin—along with Taehyung and Taehyung's girl. Namjoon had foregone attendance in lieu of the Halloween party, next weekend, that he knows he would definitely be forced to attend because Hoseok is hosting. Yoongi, his third and final housemate, escaped the house altogether to spend a night of music-making with Jungkook in his dorm.
So, in the morning, when Seokjin is moving around his kitchen that seems to have been hit by a tornado, checking the fridge and mentally praying that his baggie of smoothie ingredients is still in good shape—a scream echoes around the house.
Seokjin freezes. That sounded a lot like…you.
Immediately alert, he runs out of the kitchen and into the drawing room. Hoseok is hanging upside down on one of the couches, something that looks a lot like undigested white sauce pasta puddles on the ground, inches from his new, fiery red hair. Seokjin grimaces.
"Kim Seokjin!" your screech tears the silence.
Seokjin twists on his heels, looking up in the direction of his bedroom. It really is you. And you're in his bedroom—the room he did not occupy last night.
God only knows what kind of a scene you have walked in on. He hopes these idiots didn’t have an orgy up there, although he really can’t put it past them.
Not waiting another second, Seokjin rushes up the stairs and pushes through the doors to his bedroom. His mouth falls open on an audible gasp.
You stand next to his bed, dressed up elegantly in a navy dress that ends above your knees—which makes him wonder if you are here for an impromptu breakfast date—with one hand clutching his duvet that has uncovered what looks like…
…a head of long, dirty blonde hair.
Who the fuck?
In his bed?
"Hey, Honey!" Seokjin's voice is a squeak. "You… you here for a date?" he manages out of a suddenly parched throat.
You roll your eyes. "Uh huh. A fact you would've known if you looked at the texts I sent you last night." Your eyes are narrow at him. "This explains why you didn't, though. Busy night, Jin?" 
He balks at your words, at a loss. How could you even think it was him, when you know all about Park Jimin and his escapades?! 
Seokjin's blood boils. Fucking Jimin. There is going to be blood on Seokjin’s hands. 
In the midst of it, the blonde head shifts. 
Soon after, as you two watch, a pair of brown eyes with smudged makeup emerge from inside Seokjin's bed—and the audacity?! There’s makeup all over his covers! Jimin will pay for the dry cleaning. The face is followed by a whole, tiny woman of five-something feet who is, thankfully, covered in a shirt.
Seokjin is almost not breathing when the blonde starts to give him a dreamy smile, his gaze switching between her and you. And it’s extremely stupid, because he hasn’t seen this woman before, ever, in his entire life. But he catches the way your arms fall to your sides and those elegant, dainty fingers of yours ball up into fists as you look at the blondie’s face.
Fortunately, the girl recognises him at last before her grin could turn fully dopey, and with a squeak, jumps out of the bed. “You’re not—um. Hi. Sorry, I, uh. I’ll get going.”
And surprisingly, she does exactly that in less than a minute, leaving you to stare down at Seokjin.
“You know, it’s really unbecoming for a girlfriend to keep finding girls in her boyfriend’s bed every other week and not be given an explanation, ever.” Your tone is teasing, but your eyes are taunting. “You shouldn’t always be so dismissive, you know? What if I start getting ideas? I don’t think you even remember how to make up with your girlfriend, at this point, because I never fight.”
That is when Seokjin starts gawking. And literally doesn’t stop until you’ve left the house.
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“I don’t get it,” Jackson says, stuffing cold noodles into his mouth and chewing on them without closing it. “Do you think he cheated on you, or do you not think he cheated on you?”
You look at your best friend with your face twisted up in disgust. You swear to God you would never have agreed to make friends with this guy on your mother’s insistence when the Wang family moved in next doors to you, had you known he’d turn out to be such a barbarian a decade later. Twelve-year-old Jackson had been such a decent kid—studious, elegant, well-mannered. What went wrong, along the way?
You exhale, shifting on your chair, very wary of any dried up fluids that you might come in contact with. “I know he did not cheat on me, Jax, the very notion is completely ridiculous.”
Jackson stops chewing and looks away from the WWE match playing on the TV to squint at you. “I’m…confused? Wait. What is the problem, then? What are you mad at him for?”
To be completely honest, you aren’t quite certain yourself.
But you do know that you don’t feel good. And that this feeling has been building up over a couple months, but you have only really acknowledged it head-on, today, in all five-something years of your relationship. Five years, seven months and eight days, to be exact, but that’s kinda besides the point.
You’ve had at least a few months’ worth of buildup that has gotten you to this point, you would admit. Especially after Seokjin had to cancel that visit to your hometown at the end of June, for your parents’ thirty-fifth wedding anniversary celebration because he had an important audition for a big-brand ad film. The cancellation was acceptable, but his offhand comment that, “thirty-five isn’t even that special, we’ll get them a huge gift for their fiftieth,” stayed with you longer than it should’ve. Things got okay-ish when you reminded yourself how Seokjin never really thought too hard about things he said, always being a humorous, unattached clown in every situation. But this morning's dismissal has pushed you over that edge. You straightaway goaded him, claiming he doesn’t remember how to make it up to you, and all you got in response was his shock and being called “ridiculous” and “overdramatic.” Fun.
You were most certainly joking, if a bit caustically, when you said what you did. He could have taken it as a joke and laughed it off. He could have taken it as a threat and comforted you, said it was Jimin that used his room, and maybe kissed you. You already knew what had happened when you saw the girl, anyway. But this was probably the third time this situation had happened, this month. 
Sure, you are understanding and really do know Jimin and what all he gets up to, but is that really supposed to be such a given? Asking your boyfriend to hug you close and kiss your forehead when you discover a girl in his bed just as you were about to cuddle the lump of sheets thinking it was him, is not too much to expect, is it?
Granted, Seokjin has never been extremely expressive, but still. It feels like he’s consciously trying to keep you at a distance, these past few months.
You don’t have the complete grasp of the storm of thoughts in your head yet, but you want to try and explain it to Jackson the best you can. 
“It was about respect, in a way, I guess,” you quietly mumble, and Jackson turns the TV off, now sitting cross legged on the couch to face your chair. He puts away his takeout container to frown at you, probably gleaning how serious this is for you. “He stood there, without saying a single word, expecting me to stop being mad. Almost willing me to stop being mad by making these big, incredulous eyes at me. Like it was that horrible of his girlfriend to demand for an explanation when she found a girl in his bedroom. It was just the two of us, I wasn’t making a scene in front of anybody. He just—ugh! He could’ve simply asked me to not be mad, said it was Jimin who spent the night in the room and maybe even laughed about it, or plotted Jimin’s murder—I would’ve joined in—but no. He acted like I was being stupid, told me not be ridiculous and dramatic. And that made me feel really stupid.”
Jackson winces. “And why do you think you were not being stupid?”
You exhale. “I wasn’t. Because I wasn’t actually accusing him of anything, and five years down the lane, he should know that now. I just wanted him to say it and not scold me when I tease-taunted him. He always expects me to know everything. And even though I always do, it gets tiring sometimes. These weird thoughts get to you — that maybe you’re being too understanding and he’s using that to his advantage, you know?” You look down at your lap, playing with your nails. “It’s just…um. I wanted him to coddle me, I guess. To treat this as something big because I was throwing a tantrum about it and, just, I don’t know—try to cajole me? Assuage me with his words, maybe? But he didn’t. Because he hasn’t done that in forever. Because I never need him to, because I always freaking understand everything!” A sob leaves you.
Jackson pats the place next to him. “C’mere, you dumdum, and stop hyperventilating,” he mumbles, hugging you to his side when you move to sit on the couch. “I don’t exactly understand how the relationship dynamics work, but from what you told me, I get that you wanted attention? Some loving? And instead you got disappointed looks because Jin expected you to be mature and rational about it — the way you always are — and that too with his fucking eyes and some low-key insult words? Is it something like that?”
Wow, Jackson really paraphrased all that amazingly. “Yes, actually. It’s exactly that.”
Jackson sighs. “Y’all have been together a long time, babe, so I guess it’s kind of a given that you’d get to a no-bullshit point. Which is why he hasn’t done that in forever, because y’all probably don’t need that kinda stuff between you anymore.”
“I get that, it’s how a relationship matures. But I’m pretty certain that it’s not supposed to make me feel like this,” you sound slightly muffled, having stuffed your face into Jackson’s hoodie-covered chest. “I feel—I feel like we got too comfortable and now he’s just started to take me for granted. And I also feel like I’m being too needy. Am I being needy and annoying? He’d hate me if I told him all this, won’t he? Half of the reason we’ve worked out so well is because we’re both career oriented and don’t waste time overthinking stupid shit.” You gasp. “Oh, no—would he leave me? He’s used to his girlfriend being mature, not needy—”
You are cut off when Jackson pulls you away by your shoulders, giving you a serious look. “Wait, wait, stop. What did you say? Not the needy part, you’re allowed to be needy once in all the damn three-sixty-five days y’all stay busy for. The…taking you for granted part. Pretty big of a thing to say, babe.”
You sigh. “We haven’t been on an actual date in months. Seokjin thinks there’s no need for that extra effort when we spend lunch breaks at work together, everyday. Outside of the restaurant, our meetings involve our entire flock of friends by default. It’s been three months since we slept together.” You sniff, hating having to impart such a private detail of your life. “So no, I don’t think it’s that big of a thing to say, at all.”
“Wow.” Jackson gives a slow whistle. “You’ve really been bottling up a lot in there, huh?”
You shrug. “I guess. It never made me feel underappreciated, though. Sure, I was irritated at some occasions and disappointed at others, but… Today I feel horrible, Jax.”
“Did you share anything with Byulyi?” he asks, referring to your flatmate and good friend since college.
You shake your head. “She already has a lot on her plate, right now. She got rejected by the photographer she wanted to intern with, so it’s back to freelancing for her.”
“Yeah, that must suck.” Jackson grimaces. Then he looks at you. “You need to take a break, hun. Sit back, today, and have tacos and beer with me. Reset your inner thoughts. Talk to Jin tomorrow. Although, I must say, it’s kinda depressing that you have to actually tell your boyfriend that he’s being a bad boyfriend. Isn’t that kind of shit supposed to be realized on your own?”
You purse your lips. “I guess, yeah. But…don’t say that he’s being a bad boyfriend, Jax. I don’t think he even realizes something is wrong.”
“And that…doesn’t make it worse?” At your raised eyebrows, he concedes with a roll of his eyes. “Fine, fine, in any case — maybe try to hint at it before you dive straight in with the kill? See if he reacts?”
“I don’t know, Jax. What if he doesn’t? He’s really not the best at taking hints and reading signs, or that kind of subtle stuff.”
“Then you can just say your shit. All I’m saying is, give him a chance to figure it out on his own. He’s probably really clueless why you reacted so big on something so small, this morning. If you drop hints, maybe he’ll feel it out.”
You nod, somewhat amazed at how sound Jackson’s advice seems. “How are you doing this, Jax? Being a love guru all of a sudden?”
Jackson scoffs. “I’m just tryna put myself in Seokjin’s shoes. If I was in the situation he’s in, this is what I’d like to happen — be given a window to figure out what’s wrong. You’ve been together a long time, hun. It really shouldn’t be that difficult for him.”
You shrug a shoulder. “I won’t be too sure about that. Why does it even matter if he can or cannot, though?”
Jackson seems to be mulling over something before he drops his chin to his chest. “Because you’re supposed to be partners, hun. If you can tell what’s up with him with a single glance, why can't he? Not being good at taking signs is not a good enough excuse. My gut says that he’d be able to, though. And that knowledge will make you feel infinitely better, trust me. It’ll be reassuring to learn that he really knows and understands you well, won’t it?”
You nod, slowly, but you still have your suspicions. Seokjin has just been the kind of guy whose emotional depth goes to a certain extent and then just — well, stops. There are things that he feels and realizes and sees, and there are things that he doesn’t. It isn’t even something he does, you believe. It’s just how he is. Certain feelings just don’t fall in his orbit. And you’ve never found there to be anything wrong with it when he’s been an immaculately amazing boyfriend and tended to every single one of your needs, always. Well, you have never actually needed emotional consoling, too, so you haven’t had the chance to audition him for that. You keep yourself too busy for all that unnecessary mental pressure. It comes as a surprise, but you have never cried on Seokjin’s shoulder in all these years of your togetherness. You’ve kept your head straight and chin up, even during your college exams. And so has Seokjin, because you’ve never seen him cry, either.
Lately, though, things have been kind of weird. The gradual transformation into your professional lives that began after college, has been drastic in the past few months. Seokjin has been constantly prioritizing his career over you, and you have been understanding about it because you agree with it — to an extent. Seokjin believes it all the way through, though, and you have known for a while that you would hit your limit at some point, and would try to bring him back to yourself. Today morning, it seems, you hit that limit. 
You felt dispensable. 
You hate this feeling.
To be very honest, you know you can get over this. You can give it some time, remind yourself of how much your Jin loves you, believe that he is eventually going to come back to you once he settles, and be understanding about the entire thing. 
You can — but you really don’t want to.
Something tells you that this feeling of getting too comfortable will only fester and take a worse form as time goes by. You can wait it out, sure, and hope you aren’t being a pushover as he works on building his career. You are building your career, too, after all, and at least some of it has been for each other. 
The thing is, your plans with Seokjin are long-term—marriage, kids, white-picket fence, and all that. And you believe that if you are sensing a problem now, you better deal with it now before it has the chance to change its form and affect you both when you are at a more responsible point in your life.
Mind made up, you look up at Jackson, immediately grimacing when he forwards a greasy hand to pick up a taco for you. “I don’t…I don’t like tacos. And may I exchange the beer for scotch?”
“You work at a Mexican restaurant, and you don’t like tacos,” Jackson deadpans.
“They mess up my skincare.”
“Oh, fuck off! Have a spinach smoothie with a drink, why don’t you?”
You purse your lips to hold back your laughter at his ire, your own worries forgotten in the moment as Jackson gets up to get you a glass of scotch and some healthier snacking alternative.
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“You're a dead man.”
Jimin stops dead in his tracks, arms frozen in the act of putting a t-shirt on. He blinks at Seokjin with big round eyes. “Hyung?” he mumbles, a picture of unblemished innocence, especially when he covers his toned torso with the oversized t-shirt he was in the process of getting into. “What—what’d I do?”
Someone who doesn’t know better would never believe that this young, innocent, frazzled haired fairy-boy could ever do any wrong. But Seokjin knows better. “You chaotic womanizer,” Seokjin nearly hisses, "you've gotta learn to clean after yourself. Honey found a girl in my bed. A girl—in my bed.”
Jimin had the decency to drop the innocent act. “Oh. Oh.”
Seokjin raises a brow. “Oh? That’s it?”
"Yeah, well, I clarified to her that it was a one time thing when we got to it. She was obviously expecting something more if she didn't leave when I told her to. Disappointed but not surprised." Jimin is frowning when he comes to sit down on the couch next to Seokjin. “Sorry you two had to see that. You clarified to Honey noona that I’d been the occupant of the room, though, right?” 
“I—what?” Seokjin scoffs. “Why would I even need to do that? She knows that already, obviously. She’s been seeing you for over five years, or have you forgotten?”
Jimin squints. “I mean…okay, fair point, I guess. Why’re you so worked up, then? Did something else happen, too? Where’s she, now?” Jimin looks around the living room as if looking for you.
Seokjin sighs. “Well, I couldn't really get much out before she was storming out of the damn house, altogether.”
Jimin blinks. “Storming out? Why? She… um, was she mad?"
Seokjin opens his mouth – and then shuts it. Was she mad, indeed. "I don't know. She looked kinda mad, yes. But maybe she was in a hurry?" 
"Why would she be mad? Did you try to call her? Text her? It's unlike her to react so big on something so small." Jimin bites down on his lip, looking lost in thought. 
Seokjin shakes his head. "She didn't pick up or text back."
“There’s definitely got to be an underlying reason for her being like this. Are you sure you guys haven’t been fighting, hyung?” 
Seokjin sighs. “Yes, Jimin, I’m absolutely certain that there hasn’t been any fighting of any sorts between the two of us before today.” He pauses. “Well, she was slightly irritated that I didn’t check her texts last night, but she knows I go to bed at eleven on days leading up to a shoot, so that one’s on her.”
Jimin looks genuinely concerned, which, in turn, makes Seokjin concerned. Jimin isn't the type to stress over stuff if he can help it. Sure, he cares about the boys and would always be down to do whatever he can for them, but his throwing-caution-to-the-wind way of life causes him to not take most of the things in life seriously.
You’ve been like an older sister to the boys ever since Seokjin started dating you and introduced you to them. They all have their ways of showing their respect and affection to you. Well, maybe not Jungkook because he can’t get over getting unnecessarily intimidated by Seokjin enough to relax around you. 
Jimin, especially, always seems to be affected by any tension in Seokjin’s relationship. Everyone can see how it upsets his entire life when you two are fighting, although he’d never admit to it. He doesn’t need to, because it’s pretty obvious when he becomes a cranky six-year-old who hates the world. 
Right now, he has a guilty frown on his face. "I should've seen to it that Suzette left before I went to shower," he mumbles as if talking to himself. “Shouldn’t have trusted her to leave just because I told her to.” He looks up at Seokjin with troubled eyes. "I'm sorry, hyung."
Seokjin can not believe himself when he shakes his head at Jimin's apology—this little demon causes so much chaos in all their lives that any apology coming from him should be justified and welcome. But this one isn't really on him. "It's not entirely your fault."
Jimin's demeanor changes a bit and the attitude Seokjin is used to witnessing makes an appearance. "Right? That's what I was thinking, too!" Jimin exclaims, some of the concern on his face lifting. "You have to talk to Honey noona and make things right, though, hyung. She’s the only womanly touch in our man cave. We’d all be barbarians without her.” Jimin looks very wary and kind of nervous.
“It’s funny you would crave her ‘womanly’ presence when she’s rushed off because of a woman that you brought home.” Seokjin scrunches his nose. "And I said it isn't entirely on you, because it is partially on you, Park Jimin. You borrowed my room to smoke up in. Why couldn't you take your Suzy back to your own room?"
"Suzette," Jimin corrects under his breath while shaking his head. "Yeah, I should've, but… your room just felt like a better choice during the high," he finishes in a mumble, dragging a hand down his face. “Hyung,” Jimin says with a pout on his lips, “the last time you two fought was two years ago, remember? On your birthday? When Hobi hyung dumped cake in noona’s hair and she had her first shoot for that bigshot magazine, the next day?”
Seokjin nods with a sigh. “She yelled at me for having stupid friends, and I yelled at her for caring more about the shoot that having a good time on my birthday. Yes, I remember.”
“And then she didn’t visit us for a whole week. Please don’t let that happen, again.” Jimin looks up at Seokjin with big, round eyes. “I can’t take that kind of unrest in my life."
Seokjin briefly wonders, if Jimin’s nightly conquests were to see this side of him, would they run in the opposite direction or be more attracted to him? Jimin definitely needs someone in his life that would bring out this side in him and stay to provide him the emotional comfort he requires when he gets like this. 
“I will try not to, Jiminie, but…” Seokjin shuts his eyes. “I seriously do not understand her actions from the morning,” he finishes in a mumble.
“Maybe she’s—maybe she’s worried about something else? Some other aspect of her life?” Jimin suggests with wide eyes. “And she’s just projecting onto you.”
“As sound as the explanation is, I am literally involved in ninety percent of the aspects in her life,” Seokjin says with a twist to his lips. “I would know if something was wrong anywhere.”
“That’s cocky of you to say,” Jimin snarkily comments with narrowed eyes. At Seokjin’s raised eyebrows, he amends, “That’s cocky of you to say, hyung-nim.”
Seokjin scoffs, but then he shrugs his shoulders. “It’s true. We work at the same restaurant, we’re scouted by the same agency. Even her agent is best friends with mine—she gossips a ton about how Honey passes up so many opportunities and pisses her agent off. Her friends are, well—” Seokjin stops short when it hits him. “Wang. Wang could know something!”
Jimin is looking at him skeptically when Seokjin meets the younger’s eyes. “I just think you should have a simple talk with noona first before digging around.”
That is sensible advice. Seokjin nods as he pulls his phone out.
“Just find out what’s been troubling her, hyung. You two are rational people, I’m sure you’ll work it out.” Jimin pauses to scratch the back of his head. “Just please don’t let this be another fight like that one?”
“Don’t worry,” Seokjin finally says with a pat on Jimin’s shoulder as he finishes sending off another text to you, “this one is nothing like that fight.”
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Turns out, this fight really is not like that one. Or any other fights Seokjin has ever had with you, in fact, because you’re giving him the silent treatment. 
You’ve never given him the silent treatment. 
Not even when you were students and didn’t have a load of time on your hands and used to waste precious sleep hours arguing over stupid shit that would probably resolve itself if you just slept on it and looked back at it with a fresh state of mind. Not even then did you forego talking.
Needless to say, Seokjin is distressed.
You drive to the house to pick him up at your usual time, the next morning, after not having responded to any of his calls or texts for the entire day. Seokjin is aghast as he gets into the car.
“Honey! What is going on? Why didn’t you—where have you been?”
You simply start the engine and take off. “Busy,” you murmur after a while.
Soekjin’s head is close to exploding. “Busy? Doing what?”
Your face remains stoic as you weave through the morning traffic. Seokjin looks at you. You’re dressed up in your waitressing outfit that consists of a shirt, skirt and tights, and being who you are, Seokjin can proudly say that you would stand out to be the most well dressed server in the field. You’re always pristine and tidy — no accidents happen to you at the job ever. No spillage of drinks or ketchups, no soiled hands being wiped down on your skirt. Nothing even ruins your manicure. 
It is something that Seokjin has always tried to keep up with, this cleanliness streak of yours. Because he has always assumed you would expect it out of him, too. You were attracted to the cover model version of him, after all. It is quite natural that you would have those kinds of expectations. And Seokjin has always been more than happy to deliver. It has become a part of him, in fact. He doesn't even chew with his mouth open even when he's among the boys, anymore.
It has, somewhat, made him practical and less emotional in life, too, but he doesn't really think of it as a bad thing. You have always been practical in life – the most ambitious girl he has ever met, someone that has always prioritized her career and goals over everything else. Seokjin has admired that since college, and has tried to show you that he has similar priorities even if he has had to work on thinking from his mind more than his heart.
But when you are already by his side, what does he even need his heart for, anymore, when it's already yours?
Now, looking at you sitting with a morose expression on your face as you give him the cold shoulder, Seokjin is just as much in love with you as he was when he first met you.
“Stuff,” you say with a shrug, after some extended silence. “You should know about that, right? Your schedule’s always busier than mine and I never complain.”
Your sharp words have him reeling. Whatever do you even mean by that? “Uhm, okay. Fair enough. But… did you really not have the time to respond to a single text?”
“It gets impossible sometimes, Jin, you know how it is.”
Seokjin frowns. He does know that, but he doesn’t feel okay. Something is very off with you. It is as if you’re saying something else and expecting him to discern a different meaning out of it. 
He doesn’t understand why, though. You, of all people, should know how terrible he is at decoding signs.
He sighs.
Seokjin, after his conversation with Jimin yesterday, had decided to ask you about the morning’s incident, head on, whenever you called him back. But you didn’t, and this is the first opportunity he’s had to talk to you, so he decides to bring it up, now. “What—what happened yesterday morning, babe? You got really mad and stormed off, and… I mean, you’ve got to know the girl had been Jimin’s companion for the night, right? You know him, how he is!”
You say nothing, hands tightening a bit on the steering wheel. Seokjin looks down at his own hands.
“You know I was only surprised at your words because we really do not have the time to be discussing silly things." He shuts his heart down when it tries to tell him to go soft. He knows it isn't something you would appreciate. "After five years, you know what I’m capable of right? You can never start getting ideas, because that would be insane and stupid. I’m already so supremely occupied as it is between two jobs, when would I even have the time to cheat, right?” he jokes, snorting to himself.
You’re still quiet, but your tongue comes out to moisten your lips. It is a nervous tick of yours which Seokjin recognizes very well, because with your skincare and scheduled regular application of lip balms, your lips never need the extra moisture.
He frowns. Was he too straightforward? But this is exactly how you communicate with him! “Hey, is everything okay, babe?”
You exhale, noisily. “Everything’s fine, Jin,” you finally say with a roll of your eyes. “And you’re right. I know you wouldn’t cheat. You don’t have the time to chat me up, how are you gonna pick someone new to impress, huh?” 
Your snort sounds lacking in humor, but Seokjin still gives a couple of stilted chuckles. Even so, he's still somewhat relieved. “Right. Just so we’re certain, that was a joke, right? I mean, it would be really ridiculous of you to think that I would—”
“Yes, Jin!” you cut him off with a deep frown. “If I wanted to talk to you about something, or accuse you, or confront you — I’d do that without you having to prompt me. Stop obsessing over yesterday and stop trying to explain yourself. I know it was Jimin’s doing.”
Seokjin feels immensely relaxed at the conviction with which you say the last sentence, certainly, but something is still off. “Why were you ignoring me, then?”
“I just didn’t have anything to say to you.” You stop at a red light, the last one before you reach the restaurant, and turn to look at Seokjin with really vacant eyes. He doesn’t like your stare one bit. “We’ve been together five years, babe. If neither of us have got anything of significance to say, I’d rather not text too much, if that’s okay with you? I’ve got a busy schedule to work around, too, you know?”
Seokjin wants to remind you that both of you had something of significance to say after you left his place in anger, but chooses to just roll with whatever you’re playing at. Maybe he's thinking too much. He nods. “Sounds alright to me.”
“Great,” you breathe out, somehow looking disappointed along with the preexisting sorrowful expression you had on your face.
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You really do not have a concrete explanation for why you acted the way you did with Seokjin, this morning. 
You were supposed to hint at being mad, not blatantly try to give him a taste of his own medicine. It could turn out to be a good thing if he eventually starts to miss you and reaches out, sure, but playing mind games never feels right to you. But when he started to joke about not having time to cheat, and something just turned off in you. He really could’ve seriously reassured you of his love. That would’ve been actually comforting. But no. He chose to joke about that, too. You didn’t feel like putting in all that energy anymore, after that.
Now, you sit down in the break room to check your phone during your ten minutes’ rest break. A text message floats at the top of your notifications.
Jax 🚽 Hey How’d it go?
With an exhale, you decide to call him back. Your fingers are too tired to type, and Jackson is sure to launch off into a rampage of texts the moment you tell him you’ve tried to turn the tables on Seokjin.
Seokjin is in the kitchen, his usual rest break not being for another hour, so you don’t have to worry about him walking in.
“Hey!” Jackson jovially greets you as soon as he picks the phone. “Did you get my text?”
“I did, yes,” you respond in a calm voice. “I’ve been looping milkshake mugs through my fingers since eight am, they needed some rest, so I decided to call.”
“Yeah, no, it’s cool. I was in a really boring class, anyway. So. How'd it go?"
You pull in your lip between your teeth. "I… I kinda ended up telling him I am a busy person too and that we shouldn’t text that much."
You hear silence instead of the outburst you'd expected. 
"Jax?"
"Are you actually gonna try to play a mind game with the dumbest human being you know on earth?" Jackson so very eloquently asks, his interpretation making you pinch the bridge of your nose. “He’s never even gonna figure it out!”
“I know how it sounds, okay?” You exhale. “I honestly don’t know what came over me.”
“Okay, alright, one thing at a time. So, no coddling?"
"Not a single soft word. Just more expectations of me understanding, and claiming that anything but that would be stupid of me. He acts like I'm supposed to know everything about him and everyone in his group of friends," you mutter in irritation. “As if those dumbasses know the first thing about themselves.”
You realize you're being a bit harsh, because his friends – basically your younger brothers, at this point – are a bunch of clueless idiots that love, adore and respect you. You shouldn't be badmouthing them, Seokjin’s growing callousness towards you isn't their doing. It's his own. 
You sigh. You really miss how things used to be when you were in college.
“Uh, I think we need to rewind a bit. What happened? What triggered this?”
It makes you smile a little when Jackson asks that. At least your best knows you’re not wholly clinically insane. “Well… I drove him to work. He…" your brows lower at the recollection, "he was the first to bring up yesterday morning. And yet again, he gave me the same you've got to know this and that crap, and then he tried to assure me in the dumbest possible way. Do you know what he said, Jax, do you?”
“Um, do I wanna know?”
“He said, and I quote, he doesn’t have the time to cheat. Jackson Wang, are you hearing this? He really straight up said he was too busy to cheat on me and so I should rest assured! Who says that?!”
“He must’ve meant it as a joke—”
“Yeah, he said that, too, and then very immaculately added that it’d be ridiculous of me to think otherwise. I have lost count of how many times the words ridiculous and stupid came up.”
“Goddammit.”
“Goddammit is right,” you mumble, morosely resting your head on your palm.
“What did he say, by the way? When you told him to text less?”
You give a wry chuckle. "Well, he said it sounded alright to him."
"Son of a bitch. You – you two are messed up, man. Messed up bad. Why the hell can you not just say shit you really mean and actually want to instead of saying shit you don't? You don't wanna text less because you're busy, you want him to dote on you because you miss him!" Jackson sounds beyond frustrated. "And it doesn't fucking sound alright to him! It sounds scary, it sounds confusing, it sounds like something you would never say to him!" He groans. "But none of you would say that shit to each other! You’re choosing to be evasive and fucking plastic instead of honest, and falling deeper into your mess."
You reel from the onslaught of his harsh words, eyes widened and breath stuttering. Jackson isn't usually the type to pay so much attention to your relationship problems. But this time, you guess, he has garnered the depth of your unhappiness and thus has gotten so involved.
You realize he is right. Nothing good can come out of any turned tables, because Seokjin is, anyways, not even going to be able to work out the problem by himself. He may even go around talking to his friends about how you were being cold with him and not giving him any time, and still not realize he has been doing the same to you. He is thick like that. 
When his friends tell you tales of his compassion, you're unable to relate. You've never seen that side of him. He has probably grown up from that emotionally overwhelmed high school graduate who had made friends on a whim, the night of his graduation.
You certainly don't appreciate the emotional abstinence, though, and would very much rather prefer if he would open up a bit more. It would help you be more open with him, without fearing him calling you "stupid" in response.
But it’s still alright, you accept him with that thick brain of his, because he’s still only ever going to be the only one for you.
"How are you two gonna get around to having a proper chat if you just keep building more walls between you both?" Jackson asks after the long pause from your end, this time softer. “I’m sorry, babe, I was wrong. Giving him signs and making him realize shit won’t work. It was stupid of me to suggest that. It’s probably why you ended up being so caustic with him.
“No, no, it was all me, Jax. I could’ve chosen to not listen to you, but my ego got in the way, I guess. It’s not exactly easy, telling your boyfriend you’re feeling neglected. I mean, what if he laughs in my face and tells me I’m being paranoid? What if he thinks I have no regard for his career — or mine — because my priorities don’t align with his?” You bite your lip, shutting your eyes as your insecurities attack you.
“Hey, no. None of that is gonna happen if you really share with him what you’ve been feeling. No hints, no sarcasm, you’re gonna have to tell him point blank. Allow yourself to be raw. He’s the love of your life. You don’t have to protect yourself from him, right?”
You sigh. “Yeah, I know. You’re absolutely right, Jax. But I really have no idea how to even approach him, at this point. He’s either too busy with shoots, or with the guys, or some meeting. I cannot do this on call, because that always leads to misunderstandings.” You bite down on your lower lip, contemplating. “But I’ll figure something out.”
"Yes, you will. You always do. So, that’s good then. In the meanwhile, can you at least clean up this latest pile of poop? The talking less thingy is gonna make you two more distant, hun."
You scrunch your nose at his metaphor, but then your shoulders slump. "I don't know, Jackson. The way he so impassively agreed to it would make me sound really stupid if I take it back. And given what he keeps saying, he really doesn’t want me to sound stupid."
Jackson gives a snort at that. “Hah, funny. But listen. At the end of the day, he’s your boyfriend. You're gonna have to really decide if you're trying to get your boyfriend to give you more love, or if you're fighting a battle of egos and would like to bend him to you."
You bite your lip. “You make me sound manipulative.”
“You yourself confessed you let your ego come into this, one time. Don’t let that happen again. I’m trying to make you realize that complicated problems can have simple solutions, too. If only you’d communicate. Just talk to him soon, please, and make him understand why you’re hurt. Don’t carry on with this stupid cold war, okay? You gotta figure out exactly what you want, first.”
“You know what I want, Jax. You’re literally the only person that does, actually,” you remind him with a sigh.
“Oh, he is, isn’t he?”
You freeze, eyes bulging at the familiar voice. “I’ll… I’ll call you back,” you mumble before you disconnect the call and turn to look over your shoulder at Seokjin’s unreadable face. He stands with his arms crossed, still in his uniform but without the apron. “Jin… what—uh…”
“What am I doing here?” he scoffs, lips curling in distaste as he stares you down. “Well, I was going to the loo when I saw you sitting here. You looked upset, so I thought I’d check in on you on my way back.” He clicks his tongue, a dry chuckle tumbling out. “But apparently, you’ve got other people doing it for you, already.”
You wince, shutting your eyes. The one time he was finally going to give you some much needed attention — you sent a bad message his way. 
“So. Good to know there actually is someone who knows what you want. Would’ve been easier if it were me, though, given how I stand to be the one that is to deliver.” Seokjin sounds pissed off, and despite your irritation, you really want to make him understand.
You rub at your forehead. “Stop talking like that, Jin, it was just Jackson.”
“Wang?” He seems to seethe more, for some reason. “Of course, it’s fucking Wang!”
You frown, standing up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Seokjin looks at you incredulously. “You—do you not see how this looks? You have problems with me, Honey, but you choose to discuss them with him? Who’s he, your therapist?”
“He’s my best friend, Jin, someone I trust,” you grit out.
Seokjin seems to take it the wrong way, his agitated expressions slowly fading into a blank stare. “Oh. You trust him, as opposed to…” He trails off with a shrug, but the implication is as obvious as it can be.
“Jin—”
He raises a hand up, palm facing you as he looks away. “If you need some time apart, you should tell me in plain words. You know I’m not good at reading signs.”
Seokjin gives you a blank stare before turning around to leave the area. You stand rooted to your place, jaw dropped and eyes wide.
Some time apart? Has he lost his mind? 
He really is a huge freaking idiot who cannot pause to think what implications his words have. He seriously doesn’t recognize what all his “don’t be ridiculous/overdramatic/stupid” speeches do to you. You realize you should really make him understand. This has gone on for way too long.
But maybe you should take some time to yourself to cool off before that. You don’t want to say the wrong thing in your rage and complicate things further.
You sigh to yourself as you slump back into the bench you were sat on before.
You’d set out to tell your boyfriend you were feeling neglected, but you ended up making him think you want to be apart. How the heck did you get here?
You belatedly recall Jackson's words.
Why the hell can you not just say shit you really mean and actually want to instead of saying shit you don't?
You’re choosing to be evasive and fucking plastic instead of honest, and falling deeper into your mess.
Your usually dumbheaded best friend was right on this one, you realize. You should’ve just talked like a normal human being instead of letting Seokjin’s words get to you and get pissy in retaliation.
You give a weary sigh. 
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Seokjin is grateful for the sudden busyness he’s got on his schedule, or he would explode from all the pent up frustration you have been causing him. 
He realized he wasn’t as upset with you as he was irritated, right after he walked away from you on Monday. He dropped you a text with some excuse of needing to stay back so that he wasn’t forced to ride with you in the car again, and later took the bus home. 
You had told Jackson Wang about what was troubling you, but not him. It made Seokjin feel upset, incompetent and more than a little insecure. Seokjin absolutely hates feeling insecure. Especially about you. You’re the singular most precious entity in his life — not that you are an entity, per se — and anything that seeks to threaten your position in his life or his position in yours, makes him lose his shit.
So it was understandable that he jumped to unfairly disproportionate magnitudes of conclusions that day. When he thought about it, later, he could easily tell that you are just mad at him and not actually contemplating leaving him, not even for a little while. Not that he’d just sit back and have you do that so easily.
Seokjin also hates overthinking, but that is all he did for the entirety of his Monday. 
Monday, though, was the last time he had time to overthink. Life got exponentially busier after that.
Immediately after his shoot on Tuesday, he received his agent’s call and was informed of his jam packed schedule for the remainder of the week. He was pulled into two separate magazine ad shoots on Wednesday, a perfume ad film drank up all of his Thursday, and today, a hair product ad film needed him to report to a sunrise point in the city at the ass-crack of dawn. The sky was still dark when he rode across the city with his agent at nearly four in the morning. 
And now, the afternoon sun beats down on his car as he drives back alone, his agent staying back to tend to some business. Stopping at a red light, he reaches for his spinach smoothie with one hand and his phone with the other. Ugh, he feels beyond tired.
Blearily, he looks down at the device around a yawn, fingers habitually reaching for your chat.
He took a week off from the restaurant and dropped you a text, late Tuesday evening, informing you of the same.
Honey✨❤👸 Hm, kay. Good luck x
Unsurprisingly, that stands to be your last message in his inbox. It’s been four days.
Sighing, he swipes a hand down his tired face and exits out of the message app. He went to bed at nine o’clock, last night, and owing to the way he has trained his body to sleep on command, he did manage to get a sleep of nearly six hours, too. But it was fitful and plagued with nightmares featuring you. 
Knowing he doesn't have to be at the restaurant until Monday and that his next gig isn’t until Wednesday, he cannot wait to get back home and drink his weight in alcohol before he sleeps his way through the weekend.
Just as he has moved past the intersection, his phone rings. 
Honey✨❤👸 calling...
He nearly spits the smoothie he just sipped at.
Coughing, he roughly jostles the plastic cup back in the holder and pulls up to a side of the road to pick up the call. “Hey,” he breathes into the phone, embarrassed at his desperation.
“Jin. Um, hi.” You sound awkward, as if you…have been compelled to call him due to some reason.
He is immediately worried. “Honey? Is everything okay, do you need something?”
He hates himself for being so concerned when you have been neglecting him for so many days – yet again, despite your spat at the restaurant – instead of finally talking to him about what’s bothering you, but he can’t help it. At the end of the day, you are the love of his life. 
“Yes, yes, I’m okay. It’s just, um. Can you pick me up from the restaurant?” you sound nervous.
But, Seokjin realizes, I was right. You do need something. He clears his throat. “Uh, okay, I guess,” he agrees before stopping short when he realizes the time. “Wait, it’s barely even two. Why are you leaving?” he asks, confused and a little concerned. You work your shift till five every day and till eight on weekends.
“Tomorrow is Halloween, Jin. We’re closing for the weekend, remember?”
Seokjin’s mouth falls open on a gasp. He really had forgotten. “Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, I’ll be there in five, wait up.”
He swerves the car into the lane and takes off in the direction of the restaurant. 
He laughs at himself. He has been so caught up in work that he literally forgot Halloween. He wonders if this is what actual adulting is.
He is stopping before the restaurant within three minutes of your phone call, eyes immediately spotting your delicate figure standing on the sidewalk with your hands crossed against your chest.
You step down from the curb when you spot his car, and walk towards him. He watches your elegant legs as they beautifully fall in a straight line. Even when exiting your job as a waitress, you’re every bit the elegant model he met in college. Your hips sway tantalizingly, and something akin to longing swirls in his chest.
He composes himself quickly when you cross the car to get into the passenger’s seat. You awkwardly clear your throat as Seokjin busies himself with starting the vehicle, unsure if he should initiate conversation.
“Um, sorry about this. You were probably getting ready for shoot,” you finally say. “Byulyi dropped me off today. She wasn’t picking her phone up. I was trying to get a cab for half an hour. And the bus stop’s really far—”
“Hey, stop. It’s okay. You should’ve called me sooner.” Seokjin catches your apprehensive gaze on his oversized hoodie when he chances a glance at you. He sighs. “I was returning home from shoot, actually.”
He feels you stiffen, and he feels even more mentally drained at this. You used to be updated with his schedule to the tee — just short of having an actual copy of the calendar his agent carries on him. And the same goes for him with your schedule. This feels so wrong.
You are quiet for a while, your hands fidgeting in his peripheral vision.
“How—how was it?” you finally say, voice coming out like a croak.
Seokjin shrugs his shoulders. “The usual. Blinding, tiring, exhaustive. I did okay, I guess.”
He feels your gaze snap up to drill holes into his skull. Your eyes are wide when he checks. “Okay? Since when do you do anything less than amazing at shoots, babe?”
He feels endeared at your casual use of a pet name. “I had to get up at three in the morning and go through a skincare routine. Then drive across the entire city to get to the location, because they wanted to capture actual sunrise. I was more tired than excited by the time they rolled cameras, so.” He shrugs. “Can’t really say I gave my best today.”
You nod at his admission. 
Seokjin almost jumps when his phone rings, again.
Jiminie calling...
He feels you shift in your seat. His mouth sours at the reminder of that Sue girl that started off this entire tussle between you and him. Fucking Jimin and his conquests. What happened to the shy and more than a little glum looking freshman he let into his living space, three years ago?
Your hand suddenly reaches forth to accept the call, putting it on loudspeaker, immediately. Seokjin gapes at you, momentarily looking away from the road. 
“Uh…hyung?” Jimin’s confused voice echoes in the car. 
Seokjin snaps out of his daze when you gesture towards the device. “Wh—Jimin, hi, what’s — what’s up?” he stumbles his way through a haphazard greeting.
“Hyung, I needed a favor. Are you on your way back from the shoot, right now?” Jimin asks, and Seokjin sees you freeze in your seat.
He feels a perverse sense of satisfaction. Yes, take that! Park Jmin knows of my schedule better than you do! This is what you get for ghosting me! “I was, yeah. What is it?”
“Oh, great! I kinda need your help, hyung. My tire gave out. Could you pick me up from the Kappa hall?”
Seokjin scowls. “Yah! Who am I, your butler? Hop on a damn bus!”
He notices you pursing your lips, no doubt finding his agitation humorous — you always do. 
“Hyu~ng,” Jimin whines. “I would take the bus, but the next one leaves in forty-five minutes and I need to be back within an hour!”
“What? Why?”
“I started on my sem project really late, hyung, and now I gotta spend any time I can spare at the rehearsal hall. I’m meeting a choreographer here in an hour. Please help me out!” Jimin is still whining, and maybe his reasoning is kind of alright, but—
Seokjin is tired to his bones. He literally cannot drive all the way down to your apartment and then drive back to the university campus to pick Jimin up.
He sighs, wearily. “Jimin… I’m really tired.” 
“And I’m really desperate, hyung! Dancing is tough! And the subject I've chosen, tougher. I haven't done ballet since first semester, Freshman year! I have to work my butt off and be done in under two months."
Seokjin exhales, feeling beyond exhausted. But then your finger is tapping on the screen and the call has been muted. Seokjin’s surprised eyes fly up to meet yours. You look conflicted, biting down on your lower lip as you shake your head with a frown.
“You should go home and rest, Jin. Leave the car with me, I’ll pick him up.”
“Hyung? Say something?”
Seokjin blinks. “You…”
You roll your eyes. “I’ll pick him up, yeah. He’ll drop me off and drive back to your place.”
“Hyung?! Did you put me on mute, or what? I can't hear a thing!”
“Tell him you’ll be there in ten!” you say, unmuting the call.
“I’m in the car, the network must have glitched. I’ll, uh… be there in ten?” Seokjin nervously finishes off, looking at you in question. You give him a nod, blinking slowly. “Wait up, okay?”
“Oh my God, thank you so much, hyung!” Jimin practically squeals through the phone. “I’ll be in the ice cream shop across the building. I love you, hyung-nim!”
Seokjin rolls his eyes and disconnects the call. He looks at you from the corner of his eyes as he takes a right, now moving in the direction of his apartment instead of yours. “You sure about this? Jimin, um, knows. About our…” Seokjin doesn’t want to call it the f-word, because he would like to believe that you two aren’t actually fighting. “You being upset, I mean,” he settles for the easier alternative. “He might ask questions.”
You give a small huff of wry laugh. “I can handle it, Seokjin. I’ve known Jimin for almost three years now.”
Seokjin doesn’t like it when you address him by his full name. And so, his lips remain pursed for the remainder of the ride, only parting to tell you to “drive safe and text me when you finally get home,” and then he walks inside his apartment without looking back.
He hears his car come to life and then speed away. He shuts his eyes, leaning against the kitchen counter. Gathering his emotional as well as physical bearings, he opens the refrigerator to rummage through some leftovers to munch on while he breaks out a six pack of Budweiser. 
Before his fried rice has even reheated, Seokjin groans at the sight of an all too jovial Hoseok entering the kitchen with a glint in his eyes. “No, Hobi. Not now.”
“What? I didn’t say a word, hyung!”
Seokjin winces, shutting his eyes just as the microwave beeps. “I don’t have enough energy to deal with your general aura, right now,” he mumbles, extracting the piping hot glass bowl. He leans down to open one of the compartments beneath the kitchen table to get to the beer that he’s been dreaming of for nearly an hour, now. “I’m dead on my feet and—woah!” Seokjin gasps, cutting himself off.
Hoseok hops into the kitchen, coming around to stand behind Seokjin. “So you found ’em,” he says around a chuckle.
“Found ’em? This is you?” Seokjin whips his head around to glare at Hoseok up from his crouch. “Why is my liquor closet resembling a liquor shop, Hobi? Why do we have all this—” he turns around to read the labels, cursing under his breath. “Why do we have,” he pauses to count, “five bottles of Tequila and eight bottles of Vodka?”
Hoseok frowns in concern. “Eight? There should be ten, hyung, check again.”
Seokjin actually gasps, this time. “What the hell, Jung Hoseok? Explain yourself before I start throwing hands!”
Hoseok smacks a palm against his forehead, taking Seokjin by surprise, yet again. “Tonight’s the Halloween party, hyung! Did you actually forget?”
Seokjin screws his eyes shut, letting his head roll back with a frustrated whine. “No~o, don’t tell me it's tonight. Halloween’s tomorrow, right? Why is the party tonight?”
“Yes, hyung, Halloween in tomorrow, which is why it would be stupid to hold the party when Halloween is ending.”
Seokjin finds the logic to be very severely flawed, but his energy is draining out fast and he cannot keep up with this quarrel. There’s no point, anyway. He’s known about this party for nearly a month. And Hoseok isn’t going to postpone a whole party just because Seokjin is tired.
“You look tired, hyung. You should rest. Recharge yourself before the party, okay? There’s plenty of time.” Hoseok pats Seokjin on the shoulder with a kind smile.
“I’m not even in the mood to party, Hobi,” Seokjin mutters, reaching behind all the glass bottles to extract his pack of cans. 
Hoseok scowls at Seokjin. “Because you’re upset about your fight, I realize that. All the more reason to party, hyung! Take your mind off it for some time, why don’t you? You don’t even have to dress up, come as yourself.”
“I’d rather just drink myself to sleep and not wake up for the next twenty four hours.”
Hoseok blocks his path as Seokjin moves to exit the kitchen. “Is Honey coming?”
Seokjin sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know, Hobi. Did you invite her?”
“No, hyung, because you said you would.”
Seokjin clicks his tongue. He completely forgot. “Then she isn’t coming.”
Without listening to his protests, Seokjin trudges upstairs with his food and beer. He will be forced to come down for at least a couple shots, he is certain, so he better make as much of the time he has on his hands as he can.
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These days, it seems to be becoming a pattern for you to do things without really understanding why you do them. 
You nibble at your bottom lip as you recall how gaunt and pale Seokjin had looked when you sat in the car. You had been really self-centered as it is, not really keeping in touch with him for four days, and then reaching out when you needed help. You couldn’t bear to think, on top of everything, that he had driven you home despite his extreme exhaustion while you sat back selfishly and let him drive around the city to pick Jimin up when he looked like a ghost.
You shake your head at yourself as Jimin jogs down the road to enter the car, ten seconds after you texted him. 
His gaze is slightly hesitant when he meets your eyes, even though his smile is nothing but genuine. “Hello, noona. How come you are…” he trails off, gesturing around the two of you.
You start the car, shrugging one shoulder. “Seokjin came to pick me up. Now you’re gonna drop me off.”
Jimin gives you a huge smile, before his eyebrows suddenly lower. You look away, veering onto the road. “Wait. Were you in the car with him when I called?”
You chuckle. “Yes.”
“Oh,” Jimin mumbles around a small laugh.
You hum to yourself as you drive, distracting yourself from the thoughts that keep encircling your head. Seokjin is your boyfriend, no matter how mad you might be at him — you love him and care about him. Which is why you have tried to help him out. Not to mention, you felt slightly guilty, as it is, about calling him to pick you up. Why is your gesture of goodwill bothering you, then?
This is what you do for people you care about. Seokjin would do the same.
Your train of thoughts suddenly comes to a screeching halt.
Would he? Would he, really?
“You okay, noona?”
You jolt back from your thoughts, wide eyes turning to look at Jimin. “Wha—yes, yeah, I'm fine.”
He cocks an eyebrow at you. “You’re gripping the wheel really hard.”
You look at your tightly clenched fists, and immediately ease them. “Oh, uh. Sorry. A lot on my mind, I guess.”
“Understandably,” Jimin mutters, looking out of the side window when you turn to look at him.
You purse your lips and press down on the accelerator. 
A few beats of silence pass between you two before Jimin clears his throat. “Can I say something?” he asks you in a soft voice, looking nothing like the seductive persona he puts forth to get ladies falling in his bed. 
You exhale. “Sure.”
“You, um. You are not just hyung’s girlfriend, you know?” he says slowly.
You scoff. “Of course, I do. I am also the very best server my restaurant has ever seen and the best struggling model you’ll ever meet, on the side.”
Jimin snorts, before giggling with his eyes closed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
You do. But you do not want to face it. You want to be selfish, for once. You do absolutely know that you have been ignoring all the boys in your anger at Seokjin, but you absolutely do not wish to do anything about it. Not until you’ve resolved this tense air between you and Seokjin.
“You are also a part of our little family,” Jimin quietly finishes.
You suck your lips in at that. The word “family'' really gets to you. 
He’s right, isn’t he? 
All eight of you — well, nine, now, with the addition of Taehyung’s girlfriend — have been a family since the day you met these guys.
You smile as the memories start to filter in.
You had had a giant crush on Seokjin since the very first time you saw him in your Freshman year. Well, having a crush on the guy wasn’t that unheard of given how handsome he was. It also helped matters that he modelled for the cover page of your university’s journal within his first month in college. What surprised you was his reciprocated interest when you both finally got to know each other, thanks to Byulyi. Your current roommate was majoring in photography back then, and somehow roped the two of you into modelling for her portfolio. Seokjin asked you out during the sixth month of your Freshman year.
You recall being introduced to Yoongi in your Sophomore year, when he entered your college as a Music major. You found him laid back, calm but really sassy, and fun to be around. The three of you often hung out together, and you took immense pleasure in singling Seokjin out with the two of your sarcastic back and forths.
In your senior year, Hoseok transferred to your college as a Sophomore, and Taehyung and Jimin entered as Freshmen. 
Hoseok was literally the most lively person you’d ever met in your life. There wasn’t a single moment of boredom next to him. He was easily given the responsibility of planning all your outings and parties, henceforth — a position he still holds with full competence.
Taehyung was usually found to be lost in his head more often than not in his initial college days. He was confused about his major for two entire semesters. With inputs from the group, when he eventually picked Art, he eased into college life. After that, he came out to be one of the weirdest and unwittingly funny guys in the group. You still don’t get how he was the first amongst all the boys to find him a girl.
Jimin was a really quiet and reserved individual, at first. He very rarely interacted with you all, choosing to stay holed up in his dorm room, instead, that Taehyung had forced him to share with him. You suspected he was recovering from a recent heartbreak. It became evident when he started dating someone within a week of getting into college, only to confess it was a rebound when he got dumped. The whoring around that began after the whole debacle is yet to cease, though. Obviously. 
Hoseok comes from a really well-off family, and had brought along with him the four-bedroom apartment he currently resides in with Yoongi, Jimin and your boyfriend. His uncle gave it away to him, rent-free of course, and he proposed to share it with the rest of the guys. Seokjin and Yoongi were immediately on board, more than eager to leave the chaotic dorm life behind. Taehyung, contrarily, decided he wanted to get the whole college experience and refused to quit the dorms. Jimin, then, left the dorm he shared with Taehyung to move in with the elders.
You met Jungkook immediately after your graduation on the boy’s eighteenth birthday. He instantly struck you as a smart kid, really good at singing as well as art. Yoongi disclosed he wanted to be a music major in your college, and you tried to encourage Jungkook about it, but the guy could hardly even look at you. It was cute but also hilarious how much he was scared of Seokjin, and by principle, you.
You believe that is still true. Now that you think about it, you're pretty sure you haven’t seen Jungkook ever actually relax around the two of you.
“Noona?”
You blink, coming back to the present as Jimin calls out to you. You take a deep breath, the memories hitting you with tender emotions. All these people are really precious to you, aren’t they? The bunch of you really are a family, aren’t you?
A sad smile swims up to your face. You miss the boys.
When he calls again, you turn to look at Jimin, questioningly. 
“Please don’t be mad at hyung,” he slowly says, looking down at his lap. In this moment, he looks quite unlike the Jimin you are used to and reminds you of, instead, the one you’d first met. “He might lack tact, sometimes, but he really loves you a lot. You’re his whole world. Whatever it is that you are angry about, you should tell him about it. I don’t think he would be able to figure it out by himself.”
This, you agree with. “I’ll try, Jiminie.”
“We all miss you. Especially Hobi hyung and I,” he says with a lopsided excuse of a smile. 
You resist the urge to fluff his hair. Jimin and Hoseok have been like the younger brothers you never had. You miss them, too. 
He suddenly chuckles. "And Yoongi hyung hides it well, but I think he's the one that misses you the most. No one helps him roast Jin hyung quite like you do."
You roll your eyes. "Of course not. It's a waste for Yoongi to even try to find a better partner at roasting Jin."
You spot your apartment building and pull up to it. 
“I’ll try to talk to Jin as soon as I can, Jimin, I promise. Don't worry so much about it,” you say as you step out, patting the boy once on his head. "I miss you all, too."
You give a small wave and faint smile to him as he drives away.
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tagging: @shrimpmsg​
note: so! a lil bit of backstory and the infamous halloween party - how we feelin’ so far? the next part is ~12k words, too, and i’ll post it next wednesday, wait around~ 😘💕
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SECOND PART OUT NOW: read here!
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© jimilter | 2021
438 notes · View notes
sunflowershouto · 3 years
Text
if they hurt your feelings - headcanon (iwaizumi, oikawa)
𝐚/𝐧: here's some headcanons! lemme know if you want a part 2 with different/more characters cause these were super fun -leo
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, no warnings other than the boys accidentally being buttfaces
my haikyuu masterlist
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𝐈𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐈
✰ Iwa is a fairly blunt person who doesn't mince words.
✰ That's not to say that he doesn't have a filter, but if he thinks something needs to be said, then he's going to say it.
✰ You were discussing plans for what to do after highschool, and Hajime said something that implied that he thought you were being naive.
✰ "You need to be more realistic about your plans for the future. Not everything is a fairy tale like you think it is."
✰ You understood his point, but the way that he said it was undeniably hurtful, and you reacted negatively almost immediately.
✰ You've always been worried that he sees you as being immature, and this really struck a nerve. After all, Iwa has always been calm and collected when it comes to making plans, he always seems to have it together.
✰ All of those little insecurities start to bubble up, and before you know it, there's a lump in your throat and your eyes are watering.
✰ The second you start to reply, and he hears the way your voice breaks, Hajime realizes that he's screwed up.
✰ "I-I know I'm not as good at this stuff as you are, Haji, but I'm not- I'm not an idiot. I just wanted to be optimistic."
✰ Hearing you say that breaks his heart a little bit.
✰ "Hey, hey, don't cry," he mumbles, and brings up a hand to the side of your face. He feels absolutely awful—all he wants to do is help you and make sure you're prepared, and instead he's made you feel like he doesn't trust your judgement. "I didn't mean that, not the way that I said it."
✰ He's stroking your cheek and trying to stay calm, but he's sort of panicking on the inside, because he can tell that there's something deeper that he's struck on and he doesn't know how to approach it.
✰ "I know how hard you're trying, baby. I know you're taking your future seriously, and I don't think badly of you for being optimistic. I'm sorry, I just want things to go well for you."
✰ He's just as straightforward about comforting you as he is about everything else, and that really helps.
✰ When he sees that your eyes are still watering, he pulls you to his chest and holds you tight. He presses his lips to your forehead and holds you there for a moment.
✰ You're starting to feel better as he addresses some of the root of the problem, and you sink further into his hold. Iwa always gives the best hugs, and it's hard not to feel better when he's holding you so lovingly.
✰ "I'm so sorry if I've ever made you feel like I don't believe in you," he murmurs. You can tell in his voice that guilt is eating him alive.
✰ The two of you stand there like that, with Hajime holding you and whispering reassurances, and just trying to fix any damage he might have just done.
✰ In the aftermath of it happening, he'd be a little extra sweet, take you on a nice date and just try to make up for it, and give you more reminders of how amazing he thinks you are.
✰ He's extra affectionate that evening too, and holds you close as you both fall asleep, as if he's still trying to apologize in his own way.
✰ Long term though, I see him wanting to have another discussion about why you might have those insecurities, because the idea of you thinking that he sees you as anything less that brilliant kills him a little inside.
✰ He loves you so much, and going forward he's much more careful of how he says things, and you guys have a much healthier, much more communicative relationship.
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𝐎𝐈𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀
✰ As much as we all love him, it's no secret that Tooru can be a little bit of a dick sometimes, even to people he cares about, and even when he doesn't mean to.
✰ He's really good at reading people on the court, but sometimes misses things when it comes to other people's emotions, especially subtle things.
✰ It's not that he doesn't care, but Oikawa is a hard worker who gets really caught up in his own routines and goals, which means he doesn't always stop and think about someone else's perspective.
✰ It happens over something that he sees as small, but something much more meaningful to you.
✰ You'd stayed up late preparing food last night, knowing that Tooru had an interview with a professional team the next day. You put a lot of effort into preparing a meal for him, wanting to give him a little extra motivation and support, even if you couldn't be there with him in person.
✰ It was a lot of cooking, but more than that, it was something that you had poured a lot of love into, and you were really proud to give it to him the next morning.
✰ "Sweetheart, I made you a bento last night to take with you; it's got all your favorites in it!"
✰ Tooru is shuffling around the apartment, finding his coat, keys, wallet, making sure he has everything he needs with him. He's preoccupied, and doesn't really stop to process what you've said.
✰ "That's okay, babe. I'm gonna eat out today," he calls as he gets to the front door. "I'll be home for dinner, love~!"
✰ And just like that, you hear the door shut, and Tooru is gone.
✰ You try not to feel too defeated, but the longer you stare at the tupperware on the counter and replay Oikawa's careless response in your head, the more frustrated you become.
✰ You'd stayed up all night just to make a stupid meal for him, and he didn't even say 'thank you' or 'sorry' for turning it down. Hell, you'd barely even gotten a goodbye out of him.
✰ You headed to work and tried to carry on with your day, trying to tell yourself not to overreact or be selfish. After all, it was a big day for him, and you were worrying about a stupid lunchbox.
✰ Trying to get over what had happened, you send Tooru a text at around lunchtime.
✰ hi love, how's it going so far?
✰ He didn't open it right away, but you assumed he was just busy, and didn't think anything of it.
✰ You finished your shift, and when you checked your phone. . . Nothing.
✰ Tooru was busy, yes, but he normally always found time to text you back. In fact, it was usually him blowing up your phone while you were at work.
✰ You just sighed and headed back to the apartment and decided to wait for him.
✰ By the time he got back, his dinner was cold and you had already eaten, and were now sitting on the sofa, watching reruns on TV.
✰ "There's my girl!" he chirps like nothing's the matter, and stops dead in his tracks when you cast him a cold stare over your shoulder before looking back at the TV.
✰ "Oh..." He sets his things down on the table and rubs the back of his neck, unsure of what to do. "I did something, didn't I?"
✰ "You think so?" you mutter, though you can't help but feel like you're reacting a bit too harshly. But even when the anger subsides, the hurt is still leftover, simmering.
✰ He slowly sits down next to you, and pokes your cheek, knowing full well that you're not in the mood. "C'mon," he chides, his voice light and playful even though he's clearly worried. "Are you gonna keep pouting or are you gonna tell me what's the matter?"
✰ You resist for a moment, but melt as he continues to stare at you. Finally, you groan and turn to face him. "This morning, Tooru. I spent hours last night making you that lunch, and you didn't even care. You barely said goodbye, and you didn't tell me you'd be home late tonight, either."
✰ "Ah... Crap."
✰ He's quiet for a minute, and you're not sure what he's thinking, and then you realize that he looks like he's about to cry. He starts apologizing profusely, and pulls you into a hug so tight that you think your lungs might have deflated.
✰ "I promise I'll eat everything you cook for the next million billion years! And I'll say goodbye to you every morning for the rest of forever!"
✰ You can't help but smile now. "Tooru, I don't think we'll be alive that lon-"
✰ "Don't say that! The rest of forever! Goodbye kisses!"
✰ Oikawa is nothing if not theatrical, but the emotion is genuine, and you're reminded why you love him so much.
✰ The rest of the night he might as well be glued to you because he literally does not leave your side. You're loading the dishwasher and he's hanging off of you like a giant whiny koala and kissing all over your face.
✰ And you know what, you love it :,)
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Text
inspiration ~ dominic fike
word count: 1486
request?: yes!
“hey luv can you do a dominic fike smut!! it’s fine if you can’t but yeh”
description: in which she’s having trouble writing her verse for their song so he decides to give her some inspiration
pairing: dominic fike x female!reader
warnings: swearing, smut
masterlist (one, two)
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I groaned as I balled up yet another sheet of paper I was trying to write on and threw it into the nearly overflowing trash bin. Dominic looked up at me, amusement on his face. “Any luck, hun?”
“Why does the label want a stupid sex song from us?” I asked. “I can write music about literally anything, but I can’t write a song about being intimate with my own fucking boyfriend.”
I knew the answer to that. It was because Dominic and I were dating and had yet to do a song together. Instead of another sickly sweet love song performed by two artists that were dating, the label wanted a steamy song from the two of us. After all, sex sells.
Except for me it doesn’t. I had never written an intimate song before. It just wasn’t my style; I didn’t feel comfortable writing about my personal, intimate moments. Dominic had no problem, though. He wrote his verse, and had an idea for the chorus, in roughly 10 minutes flat.
“Is our sex life that boring?” Dominic teased.
I shot him a playful look before throwing my pen at him. He chuckled as he caught it, effortlessly. “You know it’s far from boring. I just don’t like sharing those aspects of my personal life. I can’t write a song about our private sex life knowing that millions of people are going to hear it.”
I sighed and put my head down on the soundboard in front of me, where I had been desperately trying to write my verse for the past hour and a half. I was starting to admit defeat and give up on this whole song.
“What did you write about?” I asked, my voice mostly muffled.
“About you giving me head.”
My head shot up so fast as I felt my face beginning to heat up. Dominic laughed at the look on my face - which definitely had to be a sight for him to see at that moment.
“I - I - ” I stuttered, trying to find a way to respond to that.
Dominic smirked as he reached for his own songwriting notebook and passed it to me. I read through the verse he had already written, finding it full of innuendos and sweet words to describe how “heavenly” it felt when I gave him head.
I had no idea he felt this strongly about our oral sex. I mean, I knew I made him feel good. He made sure to vocalize that every time I had my lips wrapped around him, but I didn’t know he loved it so much that it was easy for him to write an entire verse about me giving him head. Just reading his verse made my panties become a bit more wet.
I crossed my legs in an attempt to subdue the ache between my legs, trying not to be so obvious. It was no use, though, as Dominic was giving me a knowing look before his eyes glanced down at my crossed legs.
“Why don’t I give you some inspiration for your verse, then?” he asked.
My eyes widened as his hand moved to push my legs apart. “Here? We can’t. What if someone catches us?”
“We have the studio booked out for another hour, we won’t be caught,” he assured me.
His hands made their way up my legs as he began leaning towards me. His lips were just inches from mine as his fingers looped around the belt loops of my jeans. While my mind was telling me this was a bad idea, and anyone could possibly catch us, my body was aching to see exactly how Dominic was going to give me this “inspiration” he was promising.
I giggled as he pulled me to stand and immediately started kissing my neck. One of his hands found its way between us, unbuttoning my jeans effortlessly before dipping below the waistband. I gasped as his fingers pressed against my clit, feeling myself becoming wetter by the second.
My head lulled back as I moaned from his touch, which Dominic took advantage of as he began to kiss over more of my neck. He began to rub my clit, slow at first but then began to speed up just a little. He pressed his fingers hard against my clit, send shivers of pleasure up my spine. I was trembling against him already, and couldn’t help but whine when he pulled his hand away from between us.
In one swift motion, Dominic pulled both my pants and my underwear down so they pooled around my ankles. He pushed me back until I was pressed against the soundboard, then lifted me up so I was sitting on it. He positioned himself between my legs and began to kiss over my thighs painfully slow, dragging it out in order to tease me.
I kept glancing up at the door every now and then, making sure no one was passing by or looking in at us. From where we were positioned, anyone who happened to glance through the window on the door would have a full view of what was happening between us. However, my worries about being caught were immediately forgotten when I felt Dominic’s tongue against my clit.
I ran one hand through his short hair before resting it on the back of his head, holding him in place as he began to lick long strokes up my clit. With the other, I clutched the edge of the soundboard so tightly my knuckles were turning white. I threw my head back and moaned Dominic’s name so loud, although I could care less about anyone hearing us.
His tongue felt like heaven and the pleasure building up inside of me was the best feeling I had ever experienced. I had to stop myself from trying to grind against his tongue, but it was hard when I was so desperate for him to speed up with his lapping.
The tip of his tongue teased my clit a moment before it started to go down further. Dominic pulled my hips out slightly, giving himself more access to my dripping pussy. I gasped as I felt the tip of his tongue against my opening, then cried out when I felt it push past my folds.
“Fuck Dominic!” I moaned in pleasure.
I pulled his head more, which pushed his tongue into me more. My body vibrated as he chuckled against me, sending a new type of pleasure coursing through my body.
I was in pure ecstasy as Dominic started bobbing his head. My legs started shaking, then the trembling continued to the rest of my body. My back arched and I felt the pleasure building up inside of me. I dug my nails into the edge of the soundboard, trying to hold back my orgasm but struggling to do so.
“Are you close, baby?” Dominic asked, looking up at me with those eyes that I loved so much. My brain was so foggy with pleasure that I couldn’t respond. I only managed a nod. He smiled and said, “Cum in my mouth, (Y/N).”
He placed his tongue against me again and began to lick broader strokes against my opening. Unable to hold it back much longer, I threw my head back and screamed in pleasure as I felt my climax rip through me. Dominic took hold of my hips, holding me close to him as I trembled with pleasure.
When he pulled away, I could still see my juices coating his chin. He wiped it off with the sleeve of his shirt as if it were nothing and helped me to stand. I stumbled a little, still trying to regain myself. I reached for his pants, wanting to return the favor, but he caught my wrist before I could.
“I want to return the favor,” I told him.
“You don’t need to return anything. I wanted to make you feel good, that’s enough for me,” he said. He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead before kissing my lips. I could still taste myself on him, which started to turn me on again.
He dipped down to pull my pants and panties back up. I buttoned my jeans and fixed them so it didn’t look quite so obvious what had just happened.
“Was that enough inspiration for you?” he asked, a cheeky grin on his face.
I smiled back at him and kissed him again. “I definitely think so. Although, you may have to give me a little more inspiration later on. Not sure if I’ll be able to complete my verse and my chorus today.”
Dominic’s grin brightened more as I said this. We kissed one last time, then finally managed to pull away from one another so I could go back to my songwriting.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t too hard to write a verse after that.
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v-hope · 3 years
Note
omg the love confession no.3 w tae would be adorable 🥺
forgot to add the scenario but just hella tension between the two and a misunderstanding? sees y/n with someone else but she does it to get a reaction?
pairing: kim taehyung x reader
genre: fluff, slighttttt angst, f2l
word count: 1.5k
prompt: “I love you, okay? I love you!”
a/n: thank you so much for requesting! i feel like i’m still lacking when it comes to writing but i loved writing this. also, y/n didn’t do it to get a reaction out of him in this one but it still did the job lol. i hope you enjoy, love!
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To say Taehyung was fuming was an understatement.
Never in his entire life would he have thought he’d be jealous of one of his hyungs. Not only that, but he would have never imagined the cause of that growing green monster inside of him would be you.
He should’ve seen it coming, though. After all, he had brought it upon himself.
Drawing his eyes away from you and focusing them on the rest of the people on the dorms to try and forget about the way you were ever so happily laughing with Yoongi at their homecoming little gathering, he found himself staring back at you not even three seconds later — his eyes locking with yours this time, as you had just looked his way as well.
And then you smiled. Sweetly, lovingly… the same way you had done with your eyes closed when he had kissed you the night before leaving for tour.
The same smile that had been quickly erased when he had panicked right after and told you to forget about it so the two of you could go on with your lives being the best of friends you had always been.
It was on him. He had been the one to ruin his chance with you. And so now, he had no right to feel jealous over you enjoying your night with his hyung.
But he did. Fuck, he did.
It was his first night back in Seoul after four long months and, instead of being attached to the hip to him like you always were, like he had been aching for you to all that time, you were right in front of him with someone else.
“Why the long face?” your voice brought him back to reality, having been so immersed in his own feelings that he had missed the way you had excused yourself to Yoongi and walked over to him instead.
Taehyung didn’t answer, a shrug of shoulders being all you got from him instead.
“Are you mad at me or something?” you wondered.
He bit the inside of his cheek, avoiding your eyes. “Why would I be?” his eyes travelled from Yoongi on the other side of the room to you. “It’s not like you’ve been ignoring me all night to hang out with hyung”.
Your jaw fell slightly open. “You’re serious right now?”
There it was again, another shrug instead of a proper answer.
“I literally spent nearly an hour next to you although you were barely even speaking to me and only went to talk to Yoon a few minutes ago”.
“Yoon” he mocked snarkily.
“Seriously, what is your problem?”
“You,” he hastily blurted out. “You are my problem”.
“Excuse me?”
Taehyung laughed under his breath, shaking his head in a way that showed no remorse whatsoever. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about”.
“I really don’t?” your tone, although confused, became stronger.
“You and Yoongi hyung?” he raised one of his eyebrows.
“What about it?”
“Come on, Y/N” his eyes faintly squinted. “I see the way you’re laughing with him. And don’t think I don’t know about you guys talking on a daily basis while we were on tour”.
“So?” you crossed your arms over your chest. “He’s a good friend, I like talking to him”.
“Maybe a little too much” he bitterly pointed out.
You stayed silent, analyzing his factions and trying to figure out what the hell was going on and why on Earth was he making a scene over something so meaningless like you talking to one of his friends.
And the only conclusion you could come up with, you couldn’t believe. Yes, you two had kissed the night before he left. And yes, you had felt like your heart would explode right then. However, it was late at night, and you guys were sleepy… and the atmosphere was just right. He had let himself get lost in the moment —or so had he told you—, and he had made it very clear you guys were nothing but friends.
So, the way he was acting this very moment, seemed to have no ground whatsoever.
Unless…
“Is this about you fearing he’ll take your place as my best friend?” you asked what you thought the problem was. “Because if that’s the case, Taehy—”
“Fuck, Y/N” he threw his head back in frustration. “That’s not it at all!”
“Then?” you questioned.
This time, he was the one to stay silent — lips parting ever so slightly as he tried to find the courage to say what he was dying to, yet ended up saying nothing at all.
You shook your head in disappointment. “You know, I’ll just leave” your words caused his heart to skip a beat in utter panic. “Talk to me when you know the reason why you’re so upset over me talking to someone else”.
Watching you turn around and go get your jacket, saying a quick goodbye to all of the people present at the dorms before you headed to the door, he felt his chest hurt. And it was after you closed it right behind you when he finally snapped back, not letting another second go by before he ran to the front door as well.
“I know the reason” he blurted out before he could fully come out of the apartment.
You stopped in the middle of the hallway, hesitating for a few seconds before you turned around.
“What?”
“The reason” he repeated, closing the door behind him. “Why I am so upset over you being so close to Yoongi hyung, or to anyone else for that matter. I know it”.
That had seemed to catch your attention, taking one step towards him. “And what is it?”
Taehyung took in a shaky breath. He had kept his feelings to himself for too long now and had been stupid enough to deny them to you even after you had kissed him back. He needed to say it for once and for all.
“I love you”.
And so he did. In a whisper.
A whisper so low that it had not managed to reach your ears.
“What?” you asked once again, eyebrows furrowing as you took yet another step towards him.
Only it wasn’t necessary to be close to him in order to hear him anymore, for he earned up the courage to finally, confidently say: “I love you, okay? I love you!”
You gasped, feeling your heart beating so hard against your chest you might as well had just been running a marathon. “You’re joking”.
Taehyung sighed, biting his bottom lip as he made his way over to you — feeling his heart ache when you took a step back from him. “I have never been more serious in my life” he stated. “I love you, Y/N”.
“And what it took for you to realise it was me talking to someone else? Because let me tell you, Taehyung, that is—”
Your words were cut off by his soft lips gently pressing on yours, the same way they had done four months ago. The same way that had taken your breath away and forget about the world.
“What it took for me to realise was kissing you back then” he murmured, wet lips brushing faintly against yours.
You shook your head in disbelief, an almost inaudible scoff escaping your mouth. “That is bullshit. You said you had got caught up in the moment and that you didn’t want our friendship to change because of it”.
“I was stupid” he was quick to admit. “Kissing you felt so good, so… right. I panicked. You’re my best friend, I was going on tour the next day, I…”
He sighed, sheepishly shaking his head as he did not know what else to say, how else to explain he had just been an idiot to deny his obvious feelings for you back then.
You, on the other hand, bit the inside of your cheek as you silently stared at him, trying to understand his motives and, more importantly, trying to figure out whether he was being genuine or not.
When you decided he was, you smiled sweetly. “You’re an idiot”.
“I know” he mumbled with lowered head.
“And I should be so mad at you right now for making me feel so shitty when you said those things right after we kissed”.
“I know”.
“Because I love you, too”.
“I kn—”
His eyes snapped up to fix on yours, searching on them for any kind of a cruel joke being displayed on them. “What?”
“I won’t say it again” you warned him.
He bit his bottom lip. “So you and hyung…”
“I told you, we’re just friends” you rolled your eyes. “Am I not allowed to have other friends?”
“You are” he nodded, taking your hands in his and pulling you closer — just enough so he could press his forehead on yours. “Just not ones you love the way you love me”.
You shoved him away in annoyance, only to be pulled right back to him. “You are insufferable”.
“Yet you still love me” he laughed lightly.
Shaking your head as an amused smile curved up the corners of your lips, you didn’t have time to neither agree nor deny his cocky statement when his mouth was back on yours.
After all, all it took for him to know his feelings were reciprocated, were your lips moving against his and your hands wrapping around his neck.
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douxie-casperan · 3 years
Text
Rise of the Titans and the assassination Hisirdoux Casperan’s character development
I’ve been ranting so much since Wednesday morning that I finally condensed by thoughts of WHY this one subject keeps setting me off namely the utterly diabolical way they handled Douxie and Archie’s relationship in Rise of the Titans and how it wasn’t just enough to hit him with the nerf bat.
Please note I’m at the point where I literally cannot tell the difference between Aaron headcanons, Teny headcanons and my own they are all mixed together in the blender that does funky things. I also apologise for typo/weird wording it’s half 1 in the morning and I’d rather sleep than edit.
~
If asked to sum up Hisirdoux Casperan there are certainly several things that come to mind:
Sees the value in people as a whole and will find do anything if there is a chance of help someone out
Prefers tactics that disable/banish rather than kill an enemy yet willing and able to pull the trigger if circumstances become forced
While not academically inclined he is very capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box calling back to his time on the streets where a split-second decision making is the difference between being caught and not
Terrible at planning he’ll be in there figuring it out as he goes along which is what makes the previous point so vital to literally how he goes through life
A natural charmer that would let him talk his way out of trouble 9/10 providing a perfect cover for his distrustful nature and reluctance to be touched by random people
Very down to earth, humble and never one to brag unless outright sassing someone
Will bang out some hot tunes at the drop of a hat, his love of music has never wavered once since he caught the bug despite instrument hopping ironically becoming a jack of all trades much like his magic style
The earliest memories he can recall are him as a young boy lost in the woods where he was for an unknown amount of time before his soon to be familiar finds him amongst the roots covered in dirt and drying tears, there is nothing before that. Unbeknownst to him is the colour of his magic matches the blue of a lost mother’s eyes and the song that haunts his nightmares as much as fire could well be hers though there is no way to be sure. From that moment on Archibald, shortened to Archie, would become his entire world and their friendship only becoming closer during the years they prowled Camelot together trying to keep themselves in one piece until the fateful day Douxie tricks the wrong person leading him straight into the path of the famous wizard Merlin Ambrosius.
It's no real secret that Merlin is a very closed off person who keeps his emotions as well guarded as his secrets, prefers the style of negative reinforcement over positive encouragement and is a very strict perfectionist in his. At this point in his life he can be very easily described as a disaster that is genuinely doing his best with every little mistake held of his head and his future self when brought back to that time period is belittled by Lancelot (Errand boy) and Arthur (Boy) too meaning it’s hardly a wonder his confidence was very fragile revelling in the times where he could do things without being told off for it. With Morgana largely ignoring him too (Though personally I like to think as he got older she’d occasionally take an interest until the blistering arguments with their master started to talk over daily life) a certain disguised dragon would have remained a lifeline and give that physical affection he craved much like being told he’d done well never seemed able to earn.
With Killahead he’d lose that home and family he made leaving just the two of them behind struggling to figure out their place in the world that had abandoned them.
There wouldn’t have been the words for it back then but the way he had been treated prior was outright abusive instilling very bad habits into Douxie yet by irony he was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those in trouble without thinking earning a reputation as the Shepard of Fire. He refused to become like him seeking to be better, perhaps not as a wizard (Even though he was learning new charms and spells along the way) but certainly as a person. Despite everything he suffers through or witnesses in the intervening years, the loss of friends and kindling of far newer ones he never loses his good heart 
That said is it any wonder that after rightfully sassing Merlin for resurfacing, ignoring his existence despite being in the same town and only visiting him to run a finding errand that all the confidence he’d managed to build completely from scratch after Camelot wavered causing him to fall back solely into trying impressing his old Master who was acting like his humble apprentice must have coasted the past few centuries who himself fell back into old habits of belittling? It’s only when Merlin started to truly listen and acknowledge that this was not the same Moppet he once knew after Excalibur was fixed that their relationship finally started to become more like equals. After the defeat of Janus the changeling that broke into the castle he touched Douxie’s shoulder with a genuine smile and for a second he simply didn’t know what to do because the old man never did this before his brain kicked into gear and realised he’d finally earned that one thing he’d been so desperate for his entire life: That in Merlin’s eyes he could be more than a failure who only caused problems for the closest thing to a father figure he’d ever had, never solved them.
A staff will be earned, history would be set back on trap by banishing Morgana tag teaming with Archie because they know one another inside and out, as promised he’d get the kids back to the present but soon after things would go badly wrong. They’d lose Jim and because of his very nature he’d make a gamble to try and get him back because that life is worth trying for just for in a moment of surprising selflessness Merlin would be sacrificed to save him. The only constant in his life apart from Archie would apologise, openly express pride and how the greatest thing he’d ever done was saving this orphan, call him son for the first and final time before turning into ash in his arms. There would be no time to grieve for things will barrel into the crescendo of Douxie sacrificing his own life to buy everyone time to escape because if they did that everything he’d ever done would be worth it with one last whispered goodbye.
(Zoe sees him fall, so does Archie – His heart would break if he was conscious just like theirs does when his body crumples into the ground)
On the very fringes of the Light Realm he is gifted one more conversation with Merlin in a truly heart-breaking sequence (THANKS TENY) where they can just talk without any fear of consequence or politics and just be completely honest. Douxie is allowed to stand equal to Merlin, to have the hug he’d needed since he was a child and be allowed to simply let go of every pretense and cry his heart out because this can never happen again. He’s allowed to say goodbye to both his master and Morgana who had both shaped so very much of his life but like the painting he’d always remained firmly in the long shadows of until that moment.
When Hisirdoux Casperan finally leaves Wizards if we just accidently deliberately put the shawarma back in along with checking in with Zoe before departure, it is with having learned to live during his wandering years but this is the point of true freedom because he can finally escape into his own light with Archie by his side to keep Nari out of the hands of those that would see the world harmed. It won’t be easy but it feels possible somehow even with the knowledge everything is simply running on borrowed time.
Then Rise of the Titans happens.
At first everything is genuinely fine! No more running, they engineer a solution shut the Order’s magic down to make them a lot less dangerous and potentially at least incapacitate them until they can come up with a longer-term solution but all the best laid plans and all that. Douxie’s quick thinking stops the train from crushing any of the people below and it’s a very him style move to switch places with Nari to stall for time because for some reason the plot disabled Claire from portaling her or any of the threatened people/heroes to safety. He openly sasses the Order despite knowing the consequences will be bad for him because once again he’s managed to trick them, buy time that at the other end isn’t even slightly utilised until he’s forced back into his own body in excruciating pain. Archie immediately mobs him with comfort just as he has done every single time the wizard is distressed or collapsed with exhaustion without thinking because that is what their bond is like, incredibly close and far more than the Soul Bond mark that connects them together. They’re very alike in that regard, you have to earn the right to touch while equally knowing exactly what form the other needs the most in that precise moment in a way very few others could.
Bar the moment of figuring out that an illusion is in place to hide where the Order is opening the Genesis Seals and the brief insistence on reconnecting with Nari somehow Douxie manages to forget everything that makes him who he is after this point choosing to stand in the background being very no thoughts head empty or can only use the most basic spells of his youthful days not the seasoned master wizard he should be. Nomura is treated like an innocent slip rather than an outright death he did absolutely nothing to prevent (Not to mention the stupid daytime thing) nor seems to care particularly about afterwards yet with Nari’s he’s allowed to openly grieve in a gorgeously animated visual showing how he’d failed to keep her safe despite everything. He did nothing to help here either mind despite allowing himself to be tortured in the same piece of media to keep her safe, just watched another loss happen right in front of his eyes in his conga long line of them.
Then there’s Archie, oh god then there was Archie.
The dragon who even here he’d been shown to have an incredibly close bond with him decides you know what sod that tell him goodbye I’m going to make a joke about having a kingdom now dad and me are trapped in here forever. Douxie on his part looked sad for all of three seconds saying that he hoped he’s happy like it's a pet that wandered out into the world one day and never came back instead of a lifelong companion that has been there for as long as he can remember. He was now completely alone in the world since Zoe was also written out entirely and because every bit of his background had been forgotten about it somehow meant nothing. This wasn’t “I know you miss him, I know you need to grieve but you are running out of time” moment like things had been with Charlie, this was “cool shapeshifting dragon cat is now stuck in a plot hole that’s a shame” with zero pay off or any of the genuine reaction that should have been there or hell even trying to Ohana him back that very second because it never should have happened in the first place. Then even this wasn’t enough somehow, they managed to de-power Douxie even further into uselessness bar the (Admittedly nifty!) sticky feet stunt, the one who fought Skrael and Bellroc to a stalemate was shunted aside with barely a thought and his head would somehow get even emptier.
The one person who knew the danger of time magic the most stood by and said nothing.
The one person who would suffer the most by a reset because the lynchpin to his issues would be asleep if you got it wrong and should have drilled it into Jim’s head the best time to aim for stood by and said nothing.
The one person who had just suffered the loss of his familiar, best friend and only family along with the almost sister like Nari stood by and said nothing.
Then to add further insult to injury the caption when Douxie and Archie is shown says Some go their entire lives living an existence of quiet desperation because every drop of his character growth, his ability to finally start addressing his trauma instilled back in the 12th century, the staff he longed for was instead openly mocked by going “Aww he got his cat friend back how nice!” Everything he’d rightfully earned and had now would be unable to progress until certain criteria are met because it hinges entirely on the Trollhunter going to Merlin’s tomb and there’s only so much your support network of two (One if she’s written out) can do, the root of the majority of his issues all stem from one man.
And this folks is why I’ve been going on multiple rants about Douxie in particular, everyone was hit with the out of character bat to some degree in this film but when they came for him they didn’t just stop after they took his legs out because they wanted him to suffer from something he’s never had any control over to begin with all over again. Abuse survivors deserve better, these characters deserve better and we as viewers deserve far far better writing than we were forced to endure.
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sondepoch · 3 years
Text
Breaking (4/5)
Breaking the Collar
Nine months in the human trafficking circuit has destroyed every sense of normality you ever knew. For you, it's commonplace to be ordered on your knees for your owner, his clients, anyone else Childe deems necessary—and you've reached a point where you accept it this misery, just going along with the motions of life because there's nothing else to do.
Diluc and Kaeya change that.
They enter your life on a regular workday afternoon, stepping inside Childe's massive office under the pretense of sorting out a business deal, but a single hastily written message makes it clear that they're not here to hurt you: they're here to help you.
The only issue is that you have no idea how to escape Childe.
Fastened | Unlockable | Lighter | Breaking | Broken | Gone | ✔
MASTERLIST
Childe is broken. 
That’s the only way to explain it, really.
Something in him seemed to change after his meeting with Diluc and Kaeya. The lazy smiles, playful grins, and rugged charms that Childe used to project as naturally as light off the sun have evaporated into thin air, leaving nothing but a shell of a man you once thought to be so powerful.
“Ajax,” you whisper, calling his name to wake him up. All he really needs to do is open his eyes. You know that he’s already awake, long used to how rhythmic the rise and fall of his chest is from months of sleeping by his side, but the redhead ignores you, pressing his head deeper into the crook of your neck.
“Ajax,” you repeat, frustration beginning to drip into your tone. “Ajax, you have to wake up.”
Except that he doesn’t actually have to.
The man received an onslaught of calls the day after his meeting with Diluc and Kaeya, all of which he answered with varying degrees of frustration, but ever since then, his phone has been radio silent. Where Childe used to be out of bed every day by eleven and in his office by twelve to attend to his meetings, he’s now done nothing but stay in bed all day—and the worst part is that no one seems to care, his phone completely silent save for the daily calls he’s been avoiding from Scaramouche.
Where a few days ago, you were annoyed with the fact that he forced you to do nothing with him for hours on end, not even fucking you at night the way he always used to, now, you’ve begun to grow concerned.
“Ajax, get up.”
You try to pull his head off your shoulder in hopes that you can force him to at least look you in the eye, but the way he instantly stiffens and burrows deeper into your shoulder is proof enough that he’s not going anywhere.
You sigh.
This marks the third day where he’s refused to even brush his teeth in the morning, the fourth where he’s refused to speak. If your life were anything normal, you’d have forced him up long ago—but you’re hardly in a position to pretend you have any authority over him. It’s clear that he knows that, too.
“Ajax, I really need you to get up...”
—which is a true statement, surprisingly. 
The plan you’d developed to initiate your escape, perfected over the car ride back from Childe’s meeting with Diluc and Kaeya, was simple: snag a knife from the kitchen in Childe’s apartment, sneak into his office, use said knife to tear open the briefcase you know must have your documents inside of it, and then start running to the hotel Diluc and Kaeya said they’d be in.
You spent hours perfecting this: figuring out where Childe would be most likely to store the kitchen knives, what time of day will be best for sneaking out, and even what clothing you’ll wear when running away, since you can’t exactly run through the streets of Snezhnaya in your usual birthday suit, and for once, it seemed like the stars had actually aligned for you.
Unfortunately, when you developed your plan, you hadn’t accounted for Childe’s sudden change in behavior.
“Ajax, please…”
But the man barely even shifts in response. 
Hours later, after you’ve long given up on waking him and have instead decided to join him in his slumber, you both wake up together to a voice much louder than either of yours.
“What the fuck,” Childe groans, throat hoarse from not speaking for days on end, “is that sound.”
In your opinion, it’s pretty clear what that sound is: Scaramouche’s aggressively loud shouts of “Open the fuck up!” and “Stop dodging my calls!” and “Get out of bed, asshat!” accompanied by a nonstop banging that makes you grateful no one else lives on this floor doesn’t leave much to the imagination.
Instead, all you say is a quiet ”I think that’s Scaramouche.”
Childe withdraws his head from your neck with a mocking glare as the intensity of Scaramouche’s banging increases. 
“I’m coming in, dickweed!” the man shouts from many rooms over, and that’s the only warning you and Childe get before you hear what has to be the sound of a door being kicked in.
“Did he just…”
Childe stares at you in shock.
A small smile flits onto your face, grateful that someone has finally come to snap Childe back to his senses.
Scaramouche doesn’t bother quieting his footsteps as he stomps towards the master bedroom. He throws the door open with such force that you almost fear it'll rebound straight back into his face, but Scaramouche is across the room with his hands around Childe’s neck so fast that you’ve barely blinked before your owner’s head is being bashed against the bedframe.
“What the fuck,” Scaramouche snarls. “Made you think it was a good idea to tell anyone that you were the one who lost Lumine.”
“I didn’t—” 
Your owner’s voice is cut off when Scaramouche grips Childe’s neck and wordlessly threatens to hurt him again.
“Do you know how many problems this will cause? No one wants to work with you anymore, Tartaglia.”
“I know, and—”
Scaramouche pushes Childe’s head back into the bed frame, albeit with a little less force this time.
“No one wants to work with me anymore for having worked with you. Same for Signora and Dottore.”
“There’s nothing I can—”
“And all your big clients somehow got wind of it, too. They’re trying to switch over, and they’re all going to traffickers who aren’t associated with the Fatui because you—”
“Do you think I fucking wanted people to find out?”
It’s the first proper sentence you’ve heard from Childe since he left that meeting room with Diluc and Kaeya.
“Do you think I fucking want the literal shittiest people in the world thinking that they can look down on me?” Childe shoves Scaramouche off him, blue eyes narrowing into a glare. “I’ve already lost everything, asshole, so I don’t need you here if all you’re going to do is remind me of that.”
Scaramouche’s face settles into a frown, though you do see a hint of apology in his eyes. The pain in Childe’s voice didn’t go lost on anyone in this room.
“You smell like shit,” Scaramouche says abruptly, looking away. “Take a shower. We’ll figure out how to fix this after that.”
Childe doesn’t say anything at that, merely stepping out of bed in his sweatpants and walking to the bathroom.
“Go with him,” Scaramouche tells you. “You smell even worse.”
You’re partially insulted, partially grateful when Scaramouche says that. Insulted because, well, it can hardly be considered your fault that your owner clung to you in his bed for days on end without letting you shower. Grateful because after watching Childe do nothing for so long, you’re not sure he’ll even be able to take a proper shower on his own. 
“Ajax?” you whisper softly, following him into the bathroom. “Ajax, should I—”
“Be quiet,” he whispers. Childe steps inside the shower, eyes downcast. “Please,” he adds in a softer voice.
The man doesn’t start the shower until you’ve stepped in beside him, and you’re jarred when you realize how familiar this position is. It reminds you of how, months ago, when Childe first declared you his favorite and began inviting you to spend the night with him in his apartment, he brought you with him to the shower because he couldn’t trust you to be alone for so long. It was probably his first step in his attempts to win you over, since even back then, he was always so touchy with you, always asking what your preferred shampoo scents were and insisting that you let him wash your hair.
Back then, you were the sullen one, timid to speak and hesitant to look your owner in the eye. When he washed your hair for you, it was all you could do to shut your eyes and wait for his touch to go away, but now...
“Let me,” you tell him when he reaches for a bottle of shampoo.
It’s the first time you’ve ever initiated anything like this. You hold your breath, wondering if Childe will refuse you.
Wordlessly, the man bows his head to you.
You don’t entirely know what compels you to massage shampoo into his hair with such tenderness. A part of you says that it’s because you feel guilty, since it’s obvious by now that your slip-up to Kaeya that Lumine and Childe were connected is what’s resulted in his current plight, but another part of you does it simply because it feels natural. Standing next to him, his body blocking out most of the water as you let the soapy suds rinse from his hair, feels homey. Peaceful. Pleasant, almost as if the relationship between you isn’t owner and slave, as if the two of you are actually equals and you’re simply caring for him out of the goodness of your heart.
Childe seems to sense it, too, because right after you’ve washed conditioner from his hair and have finally begun using a loofah to clean his body, he stops your arms. He holds them loosely, just enough strength in his fingertips so that you know he wants you to stop but still sufficiently little that you’d be able to keep moving if you want to, and the two of you stand there like that for much too long, naked and vulnerable, staring into each other’s eyes as warm water beats down at you.
“I…”
It’s the first time Childe is actually speaking to you in such a long time, and his eyes soften the way they always do when he looks at you and makes you feel like you’re the only thing to exist in this world.
“I think I—”
“Hurry up in there!” The sound of Scaramouche kicking the door ruins the moment, and Childe abruptly drops your wrists from his hold. He steps back quickly, almost as if realizing how close his lips had moved towards yours, and a familiar pink stains his cheeks as he glances away from you and hurriedly scrubs the rest of his body clean. 
“Sorry,” he blurts, so quick and uncomfortable that it almost reminds you of how he normally is. You’d believe it, too, if not for the slight twinge of distance in his eyes that tells you he’s still thinking about Lumine or whatever it is that has him so out of it. “Uh, thanks. I’m, uh, gonna go. Gotta talk to him, y’know? You can, uh, finish up in here.”
You almost want to laugh at how awkward Childe is as he steps out of the shower and towels off to brush his teeth, blue eyes flickering to your form only to glance away in embarrassment when he realizes that he’s being watched.
“I’ll put new clothes on the bed for you, so…”
Childe nods stiffly at you and closes the door, and it’s all you can do to blink after him. 
Ten minutes later, once you’re fully clean for the first time in much too long and you’ve worn the clothes lain out for you on the bed, you make your exit from the master bedroom and follow the sound of voices into the living room.
“Listen, I—”
“Wait.” Childe puts up a hand, gesturing for you to come over. Wordless, you do, though it surprises you when your owner lets you sit at his side instead of on his lap. “Alright, continue.”
Scaramouche rolls his eyes the slightest before going on:
“All I was saying was that your career might be salvageable if you relocate. Let’s say you drop the name Tartaglia and instead fill the role of Capitano. You’ll have to move to Sumeru, but you might be able to continue your work there. Everyone now knows that Tartaglia was responsible for losing Lumine, but as long as you don’t tell people in Sumeru that you were Tartaglia, no one should question you there.”
“I hate everything about that plan,” Childe says, crossing his arms. “I don’t even know what language they speak there. I’ll be the foreigner. Everyone will think that I came to Sumeru as a last resort because I couldn't sell my merch anywhere else. Do you know how much I made fun of those two Mondstadt pricks for trying to do business here? They didn’t even have accents either, so imagine what people will say when I—”
“You don’t exactly have the luxury of caring about what people will say behind your back.” Scaramouche glances away, sensing that it’s a low blow. “I mean, listen. No one wants to work with you anymore, and this is the only way ‘you’ can become someone else.”
But Childe remains silent.
“You can keep all your merchandise,” Scaramouche continues. “In fact, the people in Sumeru will probably like that, since it means that the girls won’t know the language and they won’t be able to escape or ask for help. Hell, you can even bring her—”
“Is that even a question?” Childe asks defensively, a hand wrapping protectively around your knee. “Listen, Scaramouche, I appreciate you trying to help me, but Sumeru isn’t—”
“Isn’t what? Isn’t ideal? You letting it slip that you’re the imbecile who lost Lumine wasn’t ideal, but look where it—”
“I didn’t say shit!” Childe hisses in response. “Do you seriously think I’m that dumb? That I’d let those two Mondstadt pricks, of all people, know something that could destroy my career? That has now destroyed my career?”
“If not you, then who, Tartaglia? The only people who know are a part of the Fatui, and it’s not like—”
Scaramouche gestures to you wildly, evidently about to say that it’s not like you could have known, except that he now remembers that he did let mention Lumine in front of you to Childe once, and you can see the moment where he connects the dots.
“You fucking bitch,” Scaramouche whispers, eyes wide with fury and shock.
“No,” Childe says, standing up abruptly. “She didn’t say it intentionally. She still doesn’t know who Lumine is.”
“But she told someone, Tartaglia. You’re literally going to be kicked out of Snezhnaya because of her, and you still want to protect her?”
Childe’s mouth forms a thin line.
Scaramouche laughs mirthlessly.
“Fucking hell. Do you think this is a joke? Your life isn’t the only one she sabotaged, Tartaglia. Everyone in the Fatui is suffering, and if you keep letting yourself get seduced by your fucking toys, you should just quit being a human trafficker before one of us shoots you.”
Tartaglia says nothing.
“You’re a disappointment. At this point, you’ve caused more trouble for us than you have good. Everything you do seems to be another international incident, and I’m fucking sick of it.”
More silence.
“It’s people like you that make me terrified to retire. The more I talk to you, the more I think that you would have been better off as a slave rather than the owner. I never should have let you move up. You were built for taking dick, not for trying to control it.”
Your eyes widen as Childe remains silent.
“And you know who takes the blame every time you fuck up? Me. It’s me. Everyone in the goddamn Fatui thinks I made a bad call now when I set you free and, I’m going to be honest, I’m beginning to think they’re ri—
Childe stiffens next to you, standing.
“That’s enough,” he says, the look in his eyes dark. “What’s done is done,” he says. “Or do you need to vent some more?”
Scaramouche crosses his hands, a look of...regret? embarrassment? pity? Flickering across his eyes. He stands up with an unreadable look on his face. 
“I’m...being serious. Consider whether or not you still want to work in the Fatui. This is the best shot you’ll have at leaving.” Scaramouche’s eyes flit over to you, where Childe’s hand is now wrapped protectively around your waist. “Though if I’m honest, I don’t think you even want to be a human trafficker anymore.”
Childe says nothing to that, merely waving casually as Scaramouche exits the apartment through the hole he made in the door. You wince when you see the damage, wanting to ask your owner how he plans on repairing it, but another question is more pressing on your mind:
“Ajax?”
“Yes?”
“Who’s Lumine?”
Your owner looks at you, brushing his thumb by your cheek as his eyes take on a nostalgic tint. 
“I’ll tell you some other time.”
Childe goes back to his bad sleeping habits as soon as Scaramouche leaves. Within seconds, your owner is shirtless and has flopped onto the bed, shooting you a pleading look to curl up next to him. Thankfully, this spell seems to last a little shorter than the previous one because although the man refuses to get out of bed, he at least entertains you with a conversation.
“What else?” you ask, a playful smile on your face as Childe continues telling you stories about Xiangling. 
“Well, there was this one time where some kid was making fun of Xiangling for being bad at art, so she and I decided that we’d bring in sandwiches for the entire class and make his extra spicy. I actually helped her with the cooking process and all, so I watched how much chili she put into the sauce she was going to use for this kid’s sandwich and it was ridiculous, like I thought she was trying to murder him or something, but anyway, we get to school and start handing out the sandwiches, and…”
You’re completely enthralled as Childe tells you the story of how he had to go to the nurse’s office because he, unfortunately, was the poor soul to eat the overly-spicy sandwich through a Xiangling-esque mix-up—and you don’t care that he’s probably making it up just to see you laugh, all that matters is that the man is smiling and talking and not staring miserably at the ceiling the way he has been for the past few days.
“You should try that the next time you’re in a business meeting with someone you don’t like,” you say, giggling. “It would be such a flex if they thought that you could eat something so spicy while they’d struggle.”
“Maybe,” Childe chuckles. “I really wanted to do something like that to those two Mondstadt pricks—and it might work, too, since they’re at least still doing business with me—but they already left the country.”
“What?” you ask in alarm, fear presenting itself as excitement through the speed with which you respond.
“Yeah,” Childe hums. “They had to go early or something. I guess it’s fine since we already agreed on the mode of transportation, but—”
“Wait, really? B-but hasn’t it been less than two weeks since your last meeting with them?”
Alarm bells begin to ring inside your mind. You remember—you swear you remember the two of them telling you that you’d have at least two weeks to get the documents before they’d leave. But could it be that they’ve forgotten about you? What if they decided you were trouble? What if they know that you’ve begun to grow close to Childe as of recent? What if they—fuck—you’ve actually begun to like the redhead, haven’t you? The fact that he’s not bringing to meetings anymore, handing your body off to be fucked like a toy before he takes you back, has made you forget that the man in front of you is a monster, hasn’t it? Could they somehow know?
A pool of dread rises in your stomach.
What you did today in the shower, willingly touching him and showing him affection he’s done nothing to deserve, was disgraceful. How can you expect Diluc and Kaeya to free you if you’re not even doing your best to be freed? What if they know about what happened today? What if they think you’re a lost cause? What if they abandoned you here because of your own naivety, and you’re cursed to a life of human trafficking for the rest of your days because of your own idiocy?
“Angel?” Childe asks, cupping your cheek. You violently flinch away from his touch, a defensive anger creeping into your eyes. “Angel, I—what? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I…”
You shut your eyes, reminding yourself of your position. He may not be using you right now, but Childe is a human trafficker. You’re nothing more than his favorite toy. Getting close to him like this will do nothing but hinder your escape.
“It’s nothing,” you say, averting your eyes. Still, you make no effort to return to Childe’s warm embrace. “Just, um, tired. I’m going to take a nap.”
Childe must know that what you’re saying is utter bullshit, primarily because these past few days have been nothing but sleep and rest and more sleep, but he doesn’t push it. “Alright,” he says, leaning forward to kiss your cheek.
You turn away from him before he can get close. 
There’s a strange sound Childe makes, then. It’s something between a sigh and whimper, dejected and hurt all at once, but you don’t turn around to check on him. He’s a monster, you tell yourself, forcing the image of Childe looking like a kicked puppy out of your mind. A fucking monster.
And the only two people in the world who are willing to get you away from this monster may have just abandoned you, so you really need to get your shit together.
Pretending to be asleep comes naturally to you after nine months of learning that sleep, even if feigned, was the only escape you could ever have from this life. Hours pass until Childe really has fallen into slumber, something you test by calling his name out quietly, and then you know that it’s time to go—or to at least go do what you can.
You’re abruptly grateful that you and Childe went to bed right after Scaramouche left because it means that you’re fully clothed, which is an unnatural state for someone like you. When you quietly climb out of bed and out of Childe’s apartment through the hole Scaramouche made in his front door, it almost makes you feel normal because even though you’re still dressed in a cutesy skirt and blouse, you’re not being accompanied by the one man who has never let you go outside alone.
When you finally take the elevator down the ground floor of Childe’s building, no one pays you a second glance as you walk out the front door.
Then, your mind is abuzz.
Don’t look at anyone, you tell yourself because you know that if you have a panic attack here, no one will be able to save you. Don’t look at anyone, just go to the hotel.
Hours of pretending to be asleep helped you sort out your thoughts: it makes sense that Childe would believe Diluc and Kaeya to be gone. After all, they don’t want your owner getting any ideas that they were the ones to free you; however, you need to make sure that they’re actually here. 
And besides, you reason to yourself as you cross the street and step towards the hotel you’ve seen so many times across Childe’s apartment. It’s best to make sure I know where they are so that I don’t get confused when I actually escape. It’s important to do this.
With your eyes locked on the ground the whole time, you enter the hotel and take the elevator to the second floor where rooms 213 and 214 will be, just as Diluc and Kaeya instructed. No one pays you any attention, as if reminding you of your insignificance, but you’re grateful for how invisible you seem to be as you exit an empty elevator and wander down a carpeted hall. 
This hotel is a considerable downgrade from the extravagant location Diluc and Kaeya were renting out as a front for their supposed trafficking, but it sets you at ease. When you finally stand in front of room 213, it looks almost...normal.
Hesitant, you raise a hand and rap your knuckles against the wood.
“E-excuse me?” you ask, tension beginning to seep in. “Is anyone—are—Diluc? Kaeya?”
Their names sound foreign off your tongue but you repeat them anyway, the intensity of your knocking increasing until you’re practically banging on the door the way Scaramouche was this morning. 
No response.
Panic begins to surface, and you quickly switch over to room 214, not bothering to start knocking quietly as you bang on the door desperately.
“Is anyone there?” you call, trying to keep your voice sufficiently low so as to not disturb other patrons of the hotel, but it’s really hard when your fears that Diluc and Kaeya really have abandoned you grow truer and truer with each passing second. “Please!” you sob, practically kicking the door in your attempts to will it into opening. “Diluc! Kaeya! You—you promised you’d—”
The door opens right as you’re about to bang your fists against it once more, and an incredibly annoyed and shirtless Diluc stands to catch both your fists right before you can hit his chest with them.
“I’m here,” he says in that familiar, deep voice of his. “Calm down. I’m here.”
“Oh,” you say, relief suddenly washing through you as you practically go boneless in front of him. You know it’s inappropriate, that the two of you share no real relationship other than the fact that he’s trying to help you escape, but you can’t help the way you instinctively throw yourself forward to embrace him. “Thank you,” you practically sob into his chest. “Thank you for being here.”
“I—” Diluc is quick to pull you back, and he levels his stare with you just as he wipes the tears from your cheeks. “Did you escape? Do you have the documents?”
The redhead glances around the hall once to confirm that no one is watching before he pulls you inside his room. You’re surprised to see a gagged and naked Venti on his bed, the boy’s eyes round in...fear? concern? You’re not sure. The gag surprises you until you remember Kaeya’s previous declaration that Venti was a masochist. He must be into BDSM, too.
“No,” you tell the man, shaking your head. “I just—Ajax told me that you and Kaeya left. S-so I wanted to check to see if you’d actually…”
It sounds stupid when you say it out loud. From the face Diluc is making, he seems to be thinking the same thing.
“Okay,” he says, effectively inviting you in as he walks back inside the room. He approaches the dresser to slip on the black and red gloves you saw from him last time, wearing them before moving to sit on the bed next to Venti, big hands cupping the boy’s slender thighs. “Okay, we’re here. And we’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”
“Okay,” you respond, trying your hardest not to look at Venti. It’s clear that you walked in on an intimate moment. “Um…”
“We were having sex.”
Your cheeks burn. “Right,” you say, nodding your head. “That’s—um—all I—just wanted to check—going to—”
“Don’t leave unless you’re sure that there’s nothing you need,” Diluc says. “We can help you, you know. Give you a lockpick or a hammer or even a gun if that’s what it’ll take to get you access to those documents.”
“No, I’m…”
A soft smile floats onto your face. Awkward as he may be, you’re sure that this is just Diluc’s stoic way of being nice. 
“I’m good. I already have a plan for the documents.” You’re about to smile and make your leave when you remember something that’s been at the forefront of your mind for ages. “But…”
Diluc lifts an eyebrow, waiting.
“Um...you don’t need to answer this, i-it’s actually not relevant, so I should—”
“What is it.”
Somehow, when Diluc says that with such a sharp gaze, it feels like less of a question and more of a demand.
You shudder, familiar with the sensation. Nine months of training makes your response automatic:
“Do you know what happened to Lumine?”
Diluc’s face changes. 
“I mean—you don’t have to tell me. I was just curious. Ajax keeps talking about her and Scaramouche kept mentioning her and I don’t understand why she’s so important, so I haven’t—”
“Lumine was the name of a human trafficking slave who escaped,” Diluc says, folding his arms. Next to him, Venti leans into him and pulls his knees in, hiding his manhood. “I don’t know any exact dates, since there was probably a gap between when she escaped and when people began finding out, but it happened sometime within the past two years.”
“O...kay?” You cock your head to the side. That...honestly doesn’t sound like a big deal at all, honestly. Slaves escape all the time: heck, Scaramouche said that Xiao disappeared just a few weeks ago, so why isn’t Zhongli facing the same loss in business that Childe’s going through?
Diluc seems to see the confusion on your face.
“The thing was, when Lumine escaped, she took important documents with her.” Oh, you think, beginning to understand why that would be a problem. “At the time, no one knew who had lost her, since that person maintained anonymity during the whole affair, but those documents were said to have definitive evidence that could be used to prosecute basically every human trafficker who had business dealings with Lumine's handler. And since that person was anonymous, it meant that every human trafficker in the world was at risk.”
“I...see.” Now you understand why people wouldn’t want to work with Childe at the revelation that he was the man who lost Lumine. “That’s unfortunate.”
“I guess.” Diluc shrugs and crosses his arms. “The incident was resolved pretty quickly, and everyone soon found out that Lumine had been killed before she could hand the documents over to anyone of importance. Still, though, for someone as prolific as Tartaglia to be the imbecile to have lost his merchandise…”
You hate how your heart immediately beats in defiance when Diluc calls Childe an imbecile. He is an imbecile, you try to tell yourself, despite the fact that you feel nothing but sorrow and pity for him now that you understand what situation you’ve put him in. An imbecile. An asshole. A monster. 
But somehow, your heart doesn’t seem to agree with your mind on those words.
“And it’s my fault everyone knows…” you mumble, more to yourself than Diluc or Venti.
Scaramouche’s words from this morning echo through your mind—Your life isn’t the only one she sabotaged, Tartaglia: everyone in the Fatui is suffering—and instantly, guilt hits you like a ton of bricks. Yes, these are human traffickers, but if you remember the utterly dejected look in Childe’s eye this morning, it feels infinitely worse to know that you’re the cause of his misery.
“Are you feeling bad for him?” Diluc asks in a whisper, but the look in his eye is dangerous. Even Venti, who had been pressed beside him up until now, begins to look fearful. “Are you seriously sympathizing with Tartaglia?”
“No, I—I’m not—”
“I hope not,” Diluc says, stony. “Because there are hundreds of other girls who want to be freed and haven’t begun to feel bad for their handlers, and Kaeya and I would much rather focus on them.”
“I’m not—”
“I hope so.”
Diluc stands abruptly, and you take that as your cue to leave.
“Th-thank you for taking the time to—”
“Yeah.”
Diluc practically pushes you out the door frame, then, his broad chest obstructing your view of the inside of the room, but your eyes fly to Venti, who kneels on the bed to make eye contact with you over the redhead's shoulder.
As Diluc begins reiterating the instructions for your return, you focus on the boy in the background.
Venti doesn’t seem to care that he’s nude. Hell, there’s not an ounce of shame on his face despite being gagged and covered in hickeys, and it would alarm you if you weren’t focused on the way he lifts his bruised arms up in an X-formation and begins shaking his head frantically. His lips appear to be forming the words to something, but you can’t understand what he’s saying through the gag.
You’re about to ask what Venti is saying when Diluc turns to see what you’re looking at.
For a second, the room seems to drop ten degrees. Venti freezes, staring at Diluc with round eyes, almost scared, and you swear you hear the redhead growl for a second.
A muffled whimper spills from Venti’s lips.
Diluc turns to you, a gentle smile that unsettles you on his face. “I think you should go,” he says. “Venti must really want my attention now if he’s trying to play games to get it.”
“O-oh, but what was he—”
“I suggest you leave now,” Diluc says, the kind-not-kind smile beginning to slip from his lips. “Because you’ve been here a while, and the last thing you should want is for Tartaglia to find you missing.”
“What about Kaeya—”
“Kaeya’s at the gym,” Diluc practically spits. “So unless you want Tartaglia tracking you there, too, I’d go straight back to your little apartment with him and pray that he didn’t notice you left.”
Despair builds in your chest at that. You were certain Childe was asleep when you left, but what if he reaches out for you while he’s sleeping? What if that wakes him up and he sees that you’re gone? What if—
“Go,” Diluc orders.
The redhead doesn’t wait for you to respond, then, simply slamming the door in your face. Immediately, you’re back in action. You dart for the elevator, knowing that you need to get home as quickly as you can if you want to minimize the chance of Childe waking up to find you gone.
Panic begins to rise. The familiar vines of anxiety begin to climb higher and higher through your stomach as the elevator begins to close with painstaking slowness. Your fingers fumble with the urge to make things move faster, and you doubt yourself for a moment, thinking that you should have taken the stairs, but it’s too late for that, now, with the doors just about to close, and—
You hear the beginnings of a scream. A high-pitched wail, something agonized and miserable and ruined.
Then, the sound cuts off with the closing of the elevator doors.
Too panicked to think, you don’t bother pondering the source of the sound as the elevator reaches the first floor and you stumble your way back to Childe’s apartment. 
This time, you’re in so much of a rush that you do attract attention as you exit. Somehow, though, the thought of Childe waking up and finding you gone manages to overpower your fear at being seen, and you stumble forward through the hotel and towards Childe’s apartment building as fast as you can. When you’re safe inside, you have to take the elevator once more: because while Kaeya and Diluc were on the second floor of their hotel, Childe has the penthouse of his apartment, a distance much too large for the stairs to be a viable option, but your nerves begin to calm as you feel the elevator shift higher and higher. 
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll get home safe and everything will be okay.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
Probably not.
The elevator opens directly in front of Childe’s front door, where the hole Scaramouche busted open this morning still remains. Ever careful, you step one foot inside, shift your weight forward, and duck inside. 
As soon as you’re completely within the apartment, the pressure and fear of having escaped dissipate. You think that you’ve made it back safely, that you snuck out and will be able to sneak back in with no consequences.
Then, you see him.
“Y-y-y-you’re—”
Childe is shaking like a leaf, looking pale and sickly. His hair is disheveled, messy in a way that lets you know that he’s been running his hands through it for as long as you've been gone, and his mouth is caught open in a mix of shock, confusion, and relief.
“You’re back,” he mumbles in disbelief, and the way his eyes glisten in the darkness of his apartment, catching what little moonlight shines in and reflecting it off, tells you that he’s on the verge of tears.
Then, he blinks, and the tears begin to fall.
“I…”
Words fail you. You don’t know what to say to justify your leave. You don’t know if Childe even wants justification. The man stumbles towards you, and while logic tells you that you should guard yourself, should protect yourself, should prepare to be hit or whipped or assaulted the way a human trafficker would normally behave when his merchandise acts out, the vulnerable look in Childe’s eye makes you think that he won't hurt you.
“I-I—I thought you left,” he blurts, reaching forward to catch your palm in his, squeezing it as if he can’t believe you’re real. “Why—why didn’t you—why are you—”
Back.
He reaches forward to clasp your other hand in his, and when he stands so close to you, holding your hands to his chest like your touch is his lifeline, everything else seems to disappear. For the first time today, the conscious thoughts that this man is a monster and he’s a human trafficker who destroyed your life and you should hate him all disappear—leaving nothing but pain for how miserable he looks at having been left, how shook he is that you decided to come back, how overwhelmed he is that, likely for the first time, someone has chosen to come back to him.
It shakes you to the core. 
Never have you seen Childe so rattled. Displays of weakness like this are ones he rarely indulges in, and never at your side. This is the first time you're seeing him openly cry, the man practically clinging to your hand like it's the only thing grounding him, and you realize that he's hurting, too. That Lumine and Diluc and Kaeya and everything else in this godforsaken world of human trafficking have fucked him up just like it's fucked you over, and what you're seeing now is the culmination of all of that.
"Relax," you whisper, letting go of all your resentment for a single moment to pull him close into a warm, loving embrace. "Ajax, relax. I’m here. I’ve got you."
They're the same words Childe used to comfort you when you had a panic attack in the middle of Xiangling's restaurant, the same words that pulled you to safety at a time when even your mind had turned traitor against your heart. 
You can't explain why you're comforting him when he's done nothing but ruin your life.
Yet, as Childe clutches your figure and chokes back a harrowing sob, thick, wet tears falling onto your shoulder as he chokes out the words “thank you” over and over again, you can’t help how your embrace instantly tightens.
MASTERLIST
Fastened | Unlockable | Lighter | Breaking | Broken | Gone | ✔
Word count: 6.6k
Notes: OKAY so you know how this was supposed to be four chapters? yeah unfortunately that would make the final super duper rushed or super duper long so there's going to be a fifth chapter! and after the fifth chapter there'll be a short epilogue-y chapter!! the fifth chapter (finale!) and epilogue will be posted together at the same time - i can promise this bc i already have the epilogue written - soo yeah :D my apologies as usual for being late, hope you enjoyed the developments in this chapter! comment thoughts and predictions <3
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Next Update: 7/18/21 (hopefully)
I do not own the rights to Genshin Impact or any of the characters within it.
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asthmark · 4 years
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❝ 10 things i know about you ❞ l.jn
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synopsis → there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.
request → “if you're still accepting requests, can u make a domestic roommate!jeno? 🥺🥺 thank you and have a nice dayyy”
word count → 7.1k (bruhhh)
sharing an apartment with lee jeno isn’t ideal.
it’s not that he’s a lousy roommate or that you disliked him in any way; you just didn’t know him. you had first met through a mutual friend. they knew jeno was looking for someone to split rent with and that you happened to need a place to stay. they promised you he would give you privacy and assured jeno you were excellent roommate material. with that, arrangements were made and soon enough you moved in together. of course, it was a bit awkward at first but you two eventually got used to each other’s presence. although you were never in the same room for too long and oftentimes went days without speaking, you coexisted.
for a long time, you only knew a couple things about your roommate. for example, you were aware of his strong love for cats, especially his pet calico, seol. you also knew he kept the freezer stocked with pizza rolls that he would use as energy when he stayed up all night playing video games.
what you didn’t know, however, was that you would be spending the next couple months locked in your apartment with him. on top of that, you would begin to learn more things about him—his life, his personality, his feelings.
there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.
       1. he’s a heavy sleeper.
at 10:28 in the morning you find yourself seated at the dining table in the kitchen, spooning froot loops into your mouth. as you stuff your face, you scroll through your phone for entertainment. you decide to open instagram first but you quickly find that to be a mistake. as soon as you open the app a picture of lucas and who you thought was his ex-girlfriend greets you. if that was bad, the caption hits you like a ton of bricks.
@lucas_xx444: should have never left you
in only five words, lucas has completely erased the months you spent dating. it meant nothing to him. sure, things hadn’t ended things the best way but going right back to his toxic ex and even admitting to missing her—now that was a new low. was this his way of getting back at you? his way of making you hurt just like he had throughout your entire relationship? the thought alone leaves you feeling sick.
you decide you’ve already had enough social media for one morning so you decide to check your messages instead. your friends usually left a couple of them overnight. to your surprise, you find that your main group chat has accumulated 241 messages.
[10:48 am] you: good morning i see u guys have been vry chatty
[10:49 am] yeji: ur finally awake!
[10:50 am] yuna: we thought u died lol
[10:50 am] lia: YUNA
[10:50 am] lia: NO
[10:51 am] ryujin: the timing for that joke could not be worse
[10:52 am] yuna: humor is my coping mechanism leave me alone
[10:52 am] you: ??? what happened
[10:53 am] chaeryeong: we left msgs for a reason dummy read them!!
[10:53 am] you: umm there’s over 200 and im not abouta read all that
[10:54 am] yuna: well then lemme break it down
[10:54 am] yuna: the world is ending :)
[10:55 am] you: welp it was about time
[10:55 am] lia: why r u guys like this
[10:56 am] yeji: there’s been a covid-19 outbreak and it’s spreading like wildfire so the government issued a stay at home order :/
[10:57 am] you: omg WHAT
[10:57 am] ryujin: ikr it’s crazy we literally can’t go anywhere
[10:57 am] chaeryeong: and we can’t get boba today either ;( i was so looking forward to that
[10:58 am] ryujin: let’s pls take a moment of silence for all the current and future boba dates that will have to be cancelled
[10:59 am] yuna: no way am i gonna let some wannabe flu make me go boba-less i’m still going out >:(
[10:59 am] lia: ...ur joking right
[10:59 am] yeji: what color casket do u want yuna?
before the groupchat can distract you any further, you place your phone down on the table. you sit back in your chair and let the newly revealed information sink in.
you were stuck inside.
you sigh before standing to clean your dishes. as you’re scrubbing away at your bowl, you feel something brush against your leg. you smile, not even having to look down to know it was seol. the cat would often wander into your room or sleep next to you when you watched tv on the couch. in fact, you were pretty sure you spent more time with seol than his owner.
you gaze at jeno’s room. as always, the door is shut. you wonder if you should let him know what was happening. you two usually kept your distance but you figured that the circumstance you found yourself in was an exception. you quickly dry your hand and shuffle towards his room.
you knock once, quite softly. you assume he’s asleep so you try again, this time a little harder. still, no avail. the third time you put even more force into it. by this time, seol has found his way beside you and claws at the door.
“jeno?” you knock a fourth time. “jeno! lee jeno!”
after more shouting accompanied by incessant meowing, you hear some muffled movement. moments later the door knob twists open and there stands your roommate with disheveled hair and a robe that had obviously just been thrown on his body. seol has taken the open crack in the door as an invitation inside the bedroom.
jeno blinks a couple times as he watches the feline get himself comfortable on his bed. he turns back to you, looking slightly disoriented. you’re not sure if he’s half asleep or your sudden presence has thrown him for a loop. his voice comes out raspy when he asks, “was he, um, bothering you or something?”
you shake your head, vigorously. “that’s not why i came. it’s just that my friends told me that there’s been some kind of virus outbreak and we’re supposed to stay home. so, i thought i’d let you know.”
his face softens. “oh, cool.” suddenly, the look changes. “not the virus thing! that’s totally not cool. i meant, it’s cool that you let me know and stuff. you just saved me a huge freak out so, uh, thank you.”
you smile and nod. “no problem.”
jeno’s eyes linger as you retreat back into your room down the hall. the sound of his door shutting is heard only once you’re out of his eyesight.
   2.    he can cook better than you.
most of the time, you would go out to eat dinner with your friends in the evenings or at least stop by a drive thru. obviously, this was no longer possible in the midst of a pandemic. you found that to be incredibly frustrating as you sat on your bed, stomach empty. no matter how badly you wished to fix it, your laziness had gotten the best of you. apart from that, you already knew how unlucky you were when it came to cooking—the memory of burning noodles at lia’s house one night had been permanently seared into your brain.
you almost believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you catch a whiff of pasta in the air. for a moment you think it’s your next door neighbor, taeyong, cooking again. you knew he was quite the chef. but, the smell is getting stronger by the second and you decide it must be in your apartment.
you wander into the kitchen, only to find jeno standing over the stove. he’s stirring red sauce in a pot when he notices you watching him.
“oh, hey,” he greets with a polite wave.
you can only stare at the rest of the kitchen—pots, pans, and ingredients all over the place—in utter awe.
he chuckles, awkwardly. “yeah, sorry about the mess. i’ve been told i’m a decent cook but i can never seem to get the tidiness down.”  
“no, it’s not that. this just all seems so... professional.” you sniff the air once more. “smells amazing, too.”
he smiles, sheepishly. “thanks. are you a fan of spaghetti?”
you nod.
“good. i wanted to make something you’d like.”
“you really didn’t have to,” you say, leaning against the fridge. “i mean, i’ve never done anything for you.”
he uncovers a pot to check on the pasta. you watch as hot steam rises out of it. “what about this morning?”
you can’t help but laugh. “that most certainly does not count. you’re making an entire meal. that takes a lot of effort.”
he waves a hand, dismissively. “i used to cook a lot with my old roommate, doyoung. the guy was an asian gordon ramsey, i swear. so, yeah, this is nothing too crazy. and i really do enjoy it.”
“well, i’m still gonna repay you.” you fold your arms.
he looks away from his dish to raise a brow. “is that so?”
you nod in confirmation. “definitely.”
“tell you what, if you wash the mountain of dishes that are gonna be left over, we’ll be even.”
you stare at the sink that’s already overflowing with dirty kitchen tools. that wasn’t even half of it. “uh, sure, sounds good.”
he laughs at hearing the uncertainty in your voice. “that’s the spirit.”
   3.    he’s allergic to cats.
the familiar sound of soft purring is what pulls you attention away from the movie playing on your laptop. already knowing exactly who it is, you launch yourself off your bed to allow your furry guest inside.  
“hey seol. what’ve you been up to?”
the calico meows, almost as if he were responding to your question. you close your door and go back to your original position. you notice seol sitting directly in front of your bed, looking up at you with wide eyes.
“come on up.” you pat your sheets, invitingly.
he obeys and stretches before laying down beside you.
“have you ever watched ‘avengers’?” you ask, eyes going back to the explosive fight scene on the screen.
this time, seol doesn’t even bother humoring you with a meow. he stays silent with his head tucked into his paws.
you scratch his head and his tail wiggles. “i’ve gotta stop asking you questions.”
both you and seol’s heads snap towards the door when you hear a knock.
“come in!” you call out.  
jeno swings open the door. his eyes briefly scan the room before landing on the furball on your bed. the unmistakable look of adoration shines in his eyes when he sees how lovingly you caress him.
“seol! what are you doing in here? bothering y/n?” the cat jumps off your bed and towards his owner standing in your doorway. jeno scoops him into his arms and faces you. “i’m so sorry. he saw me running a bath for him and bolted.”
“it’s all good. he’s a great movie buddy. besides, i could always use the company.”
jeno curiously glances at your computer screen. “is that ‘avengers’?”
“yep. i’ve seen it like a dozen times.”
“same here.“ he pauses. “hey, if you ever need a movie buddy—like you know, one that talks—just let me know.”
your face lights up. “i’m gonna hold you to that.”
”i hope so. well, if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta give this guy a bath.”
seol yowls as if he understands the meaning behind the words and attempts to escape jeno’s grip.    
“here we go again,” he mumbles under his breath.
you snicker at the sight. “looks like you could use some help.”
“oh, no. it’s fine. he can just be a little bratty someti—seol!”
in the blink of an eye, the feline has successfully hopped out of his arms and made a run for it.
jeno gives you an exasperated look before rushing off to catch his runway pet. you find yourself caught up in the excitement so you follow him, the two of you now in pursuit of the calico. you’re sure the image of you both chasing the fluffy animal around the apartment looks like something straight out of a comedy. even you and jeno can’t contain your laughter when he finally catches seol only for him to slip out of his hold a second later. this exact situation repeats itself a couple times before you finally get lucky.
“i got him!” you screech. “jeno! oh my god! what do i do?”
“bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” he chants in response.
you head in that direction with jeno trailing behind you, ready to catch seol if he somehow manages to get out of your death grip. you bend over the bathtub, slowly lowering the cat into the water. it’s clear he doesn’t have a problem with making a fuss as he wails and flails his limbs around.
after a while, he finally calms down enough that you can lather him in shampoo. jeno insists on scrubbing him, arguing that you had already done way too much. you sit back on your heels, observing the way the seol leans into his delicate touches.
“looks like he likes it now.”
“he likes to make a big deal but he ends up enjoying it every—“ jeno cuts himself off with a sneeze.
“tissue?” you offer.
he shakes his head. “that’s okay, thanks. i’m used to it. i’m just surprised my allergies haven’t acted up ‘til now.”
“allergies?” you echo.
“yeah, i’m allergic to—“ another sneeze. “cats.”
your eyes widen. “really? and you still have seol?”
“i could never get rid of him. he’s too good of a boy. isn’t—“ sneeze. “that right?” he tickles seol under his chin.
“wow. you must really love him.”
“so much.”
“he’s lucky to have you.”
“what about you? you get both of us. doesn’t that make you the luckiest?”
you snort. “i guess it does.”
   4.    he makes a good shopping buddy.
“i have officially cooked everything we have.”
“i can order some takeout, if you want?”
he juts his lower lip out and gives you puppy eyes. “but i like to cook for you.”
you laugh at his expression. “oh god, you look like that one pouty emoji people use when they try to be cute.”
he sits up. “did it work?”
you nod and pinch his cheek.
he yelps. “ah, stop! you’re acting like my grandma!” he manages to get out of your grasp. he rubs his face, soothing the spots you had squeezed. “seriously, though, we really do need to stock up on food.”
“i’ve already been looking into it.” you show him the screen of your phone. “says here you can still go shopping as long as you wear a mask and try to stay six feet away from other shoppers.”
he cringes. “i don’t know if i like the idea of being so close to so many people.”
“i can go by myself, then,” you suggest with a shrug.
he doesn’t hesitate to deny you. “no way are you going alone.” his possessive tone has you staring at him curiously so he adds, “you know, in case you can’t reach something on the top shelf.”
the teasing comment paired with his innocent smile makes you gasp in disbelief. “lee jeno! that’s low! and to think i almost thought you were worried about me.”
“who said i wasn’t?” he smiles at you again before standing up. “i’m going to find us some masks and then we can head out.”  
once you arrive at your local grocery store, you find it to be packed. everyone seems to be in a hurry, grabbing things left and right.
“wow, it’s already gotten crazy,” jeno mumbles, stopping to stare at the flood of people that rush by.
you don’t hesitate to scold him. “well, don’t just stand there! we gotta get our stuff before there’s nothing left!”
without another word you slip into the frenzy of people. jeno struggles to stay behind you. after almost losing sight of you a couple times, he walks a little faster to catch up and places his arm firmly around your waist once he does. you look up at him, your mask covering your slightly agape mouth.
being the gentleman he is, he apologizes. “sorry but i don’t want us to get separated.”
you can only nod and mumble, “good idea.”
jeno pushes the shopping cart with his right hand and holds your figure with his left. once in a while, you’ll break apart from each other to grab an item you need but once it’s in the cart, he’ll make sure you end up in the same position. after an hour or so, you’ve grabbed enough and you decide it’s time to pay.
despite the mask she has on, you can tell the middle-aged woman behind the cash register has a big smile on her face once she catches sight of you and your roommate.
“well, just look at you two.” she sighs. “how cute.”
“oh.” you glance at her then jeno then her again. “oh, no. it’s not like that.”
you attempt to move yourself away from jeno only to find his grip to be so incredibly strong that you almost begin to think he’s trying to hold you in place. once you finally detach yourself from him, you begin loading your groceries onto the counter for the employee to scan. she does so, but not before giving you a displeased look.  
“oh really? he holds you like that because you aren’t together?”
jeno assists her in placing the scanned items in bags. “i didn’t want to lose her.”
she pauses scanning a can of tuna to stare him down. “darling, that sounds like a line from a cheesy hallmark rom-com.”
you can’t help but chuckle. “what he means is that there’s a lot of people here and we didn’t want to get separated.”
jeno adds, “desperate times calls for desperate measures.”
the woman adjusts her glasses. “well, you do certainly seem desperate to have her close to you.”
jeno doesn’t say a word as he continues bagging but his smile reaches his eyes.
   5.    he works out.
why did the pandemic have to hit in the middle of summer?
you often asked yourself this, complaining about how inconvenient it was. especially on the days that made your apartment feel like it was on fire. the days that required a thin tank top and shorts. even then, you found yourself to be drenched in sweat.
you sprawled your arms and legs farther on the sofa, the leather material proving to be very uncomfortable. it was either that or your bed with the warm cotton sheets that stuck to your body. just thinking about it brings you discomfort. the only relief you could think of was a cold shower. you would have already taken one if jeno hadn’t been hogging the one bathroom in the apartment.
“jeno!” you yell.
silence; other than the sound of the water running.
“lee jeno!”
the water stops, temporarily for him to shout back an answer. “what?!”
you wipe at the sweat that has accumulated on the bridge of your nose. “hurry up! i’m melting!”
the water starts back up again and you groan. hoping to distract yourself, you pull out your phone. the group chat with your friends is surprisingly silent so you go to instagram for some entertainment. this time, your ex-boyfriend’s post isn’t the first thing you see. it takes you some scrolling but you do end up seeing another one of his pictures.
it’s simply two intertwined hands with a black and white filter. you identify the one on the left as his and although you aren’t as familiar with the one on the right, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it belongs to. contrary to the last, this photo has no cheesy words for a caption, just a red heart.  
but, your stomach doesn’t drop. you don’t feel hurt, either. obviously, you still don’t enjoy seeing him just because of all the awful memories that came with it but other than that, you feel unaffected by the image.
in fact, you feel so confident in yourself that you block him.
you’re surprised you hadn’t done it sooner. you had known you didn’t need him in your life any longer so why keep in contact? you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you press the red button that would keep him and his girlfriend out of your life. you knew with your whole heart that you didn’t need to see either of them.
before, a bit if you had felt the need to keep an eye on him. to see how he was handling the breakup and torture yourself with the fact that he didn’t seem to care. now, you could say you truly didn’t either. you didn’t need him or his stupid pictures. you had other, better things.
your friends.
your cat (yes, you considered seol to be yours).
your roommate.
you had to admit, jeno was the best thing on that list. quarantine had brought you and him significantly closer and you were over the moon about it. he was so wonderful that you kicked yourself for having lived with him for so long without ever really getting to know him. but it was easy to say you two were making up for lost time seeing as you spent every waking moment together. the record long showers jeno took being an exception, of course.
the moment the door to the bathroom opens, you rush into your room and quickly grab an oversized t-shirt and loose pajama pants to change into after your shower. you nearly drop them when you’re met with jeno’s soaking figure in the hallway.
his hair is damp and you can clearly see how long it had become. his skin looks healthy and moisturized, lotion among other skin care products had probably been applied. what really has you in a shock is the fact that the towel barely hangs below his waist. the droplets of water that fall from his hair and down his neck trail down his chest and toned torso towards the only area he has bothered to cover up. his bulky arms are also slightly wet, his veins popping noticeably. he shakes his head in an attempt to rid his hair of any water. then he runs his fingers through it, his muscles flexing ever so slightly as he does so.
“dude!” you exclaim, without a second thought. “you’re ripped!”
he smiles, his round cheeks growing at the unexpected praise. the way he could have such a rugged body but soft-featured face puzzled you to no extent. “thank you. i lift sometimes.”
“sometimes?” you repeat. “don’t be so humble! you’re basically hercules!”
he clicks his tongue. “ah, c’mon. i’m just an athletic person.”
you keep admiring his physique. “clearly.”
“oh god,” he groans, obviously flustered. “you’re looking at me like you’re gonna eat me or something.”
you hold yourself back from making a less than appropriate innuendo. “no comment.”
his eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “quarantine is really making you go crazy.”
you point a finger at him. “you try being stuck inside with your hot roommate!”
“trust me, y/n, i know all about hot roommates.”
you tilt your head, acting purposefully oblivious. “are you talking about doyoung?”
“what? no i—“ he sighs. “you know what, just take your shower.”
   6.    you can’t say no to him.
jeno ruffles his black locks with his hand and frowns.
you give him a disappointed look. “knock it off, you’re gonna get dandruff in your soup.”
he ignores your comment. “i look like a hobo.”
you pause, spoon halfway to your mouth. “this i know.”
“y/n, this is serious!”
“okay, okay. what’s the issue?”
“i already told you! i’m a bum!”
“you? a bum?” you pause to think about it. “i mean, mentally? maybe. but physically? no.”
“my hair, though. it’s so long.” he grabs a strand of it and pulls it to emphasize his point.
you shrug. “if having lots of hair is the standard for being a bum, i think most of the population is.”
“i want to cut it,” he announces.
“you should,” you say, pointing your spoon at him. “wanna know why? because if you mess up, no one will ever know. other than me, of course. but if you pay me enough i’ll let you forget it.”
he smiles at the joke for a moment before he leans forward and his face goes serious. “will you help me?”
“what? no way. i’ll mess up. and it’s only funny if you do it.”
he pouts. “please?”
you stir your soup around. “just watch some youtube videos. after three, you’re automatically a professional.”
“i want you.”
the statement has your neck snapping up from your bowl to him. the smug grin on his face lets you know that he was well aware of the double meaning behind his words. it was clear he was trying to fluster you enough to get a yes.
“you think you’re flirty enough to straight up brainwash me into doing stuff?”
“well, i wanted to say that to you anyway but... kind of?”
you feel a smile creep onto your lips at hearing the genuine tone in his voice. you down your last few spoonfuls of soup and quickly stand up. jeno looks up at you, eyes hopeful.
“finish your dinner. get the scissors. meet me in the bathroom.”
not even ten minutes later, jeno practically dances into the bathroom, a pair of red craft scissors in his hand. he sits on top of the toilet lid, figuring that’d be the easiest way for you to reach him. you walk in moments later.
“i’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be using these types of scissors for hair,” he mumbles as he hands you the sharp utensil.
you twirl them in your hand. “oh, definitely not. do you want to wait then?”
he shakes his head, his shaggy bangs swaying with the movement.  
“alright, let’s get this going then.” you thread your hands through his thick locks to collect some of it in between two of your fingers. you bring the scissors forward and snip the small amount just to test the waters.
you slowly begin to get more comfortable and once you feel like you’re in your element, things begin to speed up. you move and cut faster but with efficiency. you do the spots on the back of his head and work your way forward. when it finally comes time to touch up his bangs, your small bathroom proves to be an inadequate spot to be doing this.
you end up standing balanced inches above jeno’s thighs that he’s pressed together tightly in an attempt to give you more room. you’re constantly readjusting your stance and when he notices, his hands go to your hips. you know he’s just trying to help you stay upright so you do a decent job but you still inhale sharply at the feeling of his hands on you.
not long after, you’re standing next to jeno as he inspects himself in the mirror. his fingers flick his newly shortened bangs around.
“not bad.” he tilts his head in a new angle and nods. “looks super good to me.”
you tuck the scissors into your back pocket with a relieved sigh. “oh thank god. i didn’t want to tell you before we started but i only watched two youtube tutorials on trimming hair.”
he runs a hand through his hair with a chuckle. “now that’s truly worthy of praise. and a tip.”
you raise a brow. “oh yeah? what’s th—“
he cuts you off by pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. he pulls back and drags his thumb over the skin that has come into contact with his lips. “thanks again.” with that, he leaves you standing in the bathroom, eyes wide and face warm.
   7.    he has six best friends.
“can i borrow your laptop?” asks jeno, from outside your door, nearly breathless.
you look up from your book. “uh yeah, sure.”
he rushes in your room and takes the item off of your dresser. “do you happen to have zoom on it?”
you shake your head and he groans. without another word, he disappears, running off into the living room. you hear his frustrated sighs as the minutes pass and he attempts to download the application. you finally decide to go check it out once it becomes too much to bear.
“it sounds like you’re in pain over here,” you comment.
he runs a hand through his hair. “i’m supposed to meet with my friends through a zoom call but it’s so complicated.”
you put a hand on your hip. “bet you five bucks i’ll be able to get it in five minutes.”
“are you kidding? i might be technologically challenged but i’m not stupid. i know you can do it fast, just help me out already, would you?”
“alright, grandpa.”
you type and click away at the screen, jeno watching you do so, entranced but equally as lost.
“well, i was wrong,” you say after a couple moments, leaning back in your chair.
“you couldn’t get it?” asks jeno, worriedly.
“no, it’s not that.” you click something on the screen and the app opens. “turns out i could do it in three.”
he rolls his eyes and shoos you out of the chair. he sits down and enters the code and password for the zoom meeting. it takes a minute, but he finally connects. you count six other people in the call. they all immediately cheer at seeing jeno and you hear them excitedly exclaim his name.
“hey guys,” he says, a smile already reaching his eyes. “it’s so good to see your faces.”
they all nod to agree. you get a good look at each one of them and realize they’re all boys. your eyes read over each of their display names.
mark me in ur heart
hyuckie~~~
moomin enthusiast
nananananana
chnele
lil huddy
“nice name, jeno,” ‘moomin enthusiast’ guy comments, snickering slightly. “glad to see you finally came to terms with it.”
‘jenojam’, his name reads. the rest of the group laughs, also teasing him about it. you assume it’s some kind of inside joke.
the self proclaimed ‘lil huddy’ furrows his eyebrows. “wait, did you choose that name yourself?”
jeno simply nods in response.
he glares into the camera. “donghyuck, you told me i had to put this as my name or else it wouldn’t let me connect!”
donghyuck—or ‘hyuckie~~~’, you presume—shrugs. “oops. guess i was wrong.”
you laugh at the humorous exchange. it seems like the sound has drawn some attention to you when ‘nananananana’ speaks up, eyes trained on you.
“um jeno? don’t you want to introduce your guest?”
jeno beams, dragging you closer into the frame. “i’m sure you all know about my roommate. say hi, y/n.” 
you do so, waving and smiling politely at the group.
“you know, even though we used to always hang at jeno’s, i don’t think we’ve ever actually seen your face,” ‘chnele’ says, tilting his head.
you agree. “me neither. i’ve mostly just heard you guys.”
the ‘mark me in your heart’ boy sheepishly rubs his neck. “sorry. we tend to be a little loud.”
‘chnele’ lets out a high pitched screech of a laugh. “only a little?”
“i recognize that laugh!” you blurt. “i would hear it all the time!”
”that’s our little dolphin,” coos ‘hyuckie~~~’.
“oh god, stop. i hate that stupid nickname.”
“it’s well deserved.”
“i think you should apologize to y/n for being a nightmare to her eardrums.”
“and ours, for that matter.”
“what about all your little freestyles? i’ve had to sit through hundreds of them and i never got an apology!”
“because they’re not bad! could you do any better?”
“you’re a soundcloud rapper, i think anyone could.”
jeno turns to you as the bickering on screen gets louder and louder. “this is gonna be a long call.”
once the group has moved on from roasting the life out of each other, you’re able to engage in some good-natured conversation. jeno teaches you the names and the other basics about the group. some points that stand out about the group is that mark is the oldest, renjun specializes in contemporary dance, jaemin inhales six cups of coffee on the daily, and chenle is insanely rich.
“what about jeno?” you ask them. “anything i should know about him?”
“he’s allergic to cats but the idiot still adopted—“
“she already knows about that, renjun,” jeno chuckles.
“oh. well. that’s pretty much the only interesting thing about him.”
jisung pipes up. “oh wait! he works out religiously too!”
you and jeno share a look. you burst into laughter and he simply glances away, slightly embarrassed. “oh yeah, i know that all too well.”
“and what about the unhealthy cooking obsession?”
you nod at mark’s question. “that too. he cooks dinner almost every night around here.”
renjun purses his lips. “he already cooks for you? wow. he must really like you.”
“you think?” jaemin asks. “didn’t you read any of the messages in the group chat? he’s practically in love with her. his words, not mi—“
“okay! i think it’s time for us to go! bye guys!” jeno doesn’t even give you a chance to say your own goodbye before he’s clicking the ‘end call’ button in the bottom right corner.
you give him a confused look. “what was that all about?”
“they’re crazy.” he laughs. “well, if you need me i’ll be in my room screaming into my pillow for the next couple hours.” he dashes off leaving you standing alone, trying to comprehend what had happened.
   8.    he‘s a great listener.
jeno has officially replaced seol as your movie buddy, not that you have a problem with it. you thought it was nice to have someone you could actually converse with but of course, you make sure seol still sits in.
“what i’m saying is that iron man just wants to protect his team.”
“well, if they sign the accords, they basically surrender themselves to the government.”
“and?”
“you don’t see a problem with that? see, captain america knows what he’s doing. he’s literally an avenger—“
“so is iron man!”
“let me finish! so, he’s an avenger, right? he has the best judgment because he’s saved the world countless times. he knows how to operate his team and do the right thing.”
“okay but there’s casualties. and that’s what iron man is trying to fix.”
“how do you save the world and not have casualties?”
“you just—“ your phone rings mid argument and you raise your finger towards jeno. “this isn’t over.” you put the phone to your ear, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?”
“sweetheart?”
you feel a chill go up your spine. was it him? no, it couldn’t be. you had blocked his number shortly after you did so on all your social media.
“baby, don’t be so shy. i know you’re there.”
you can’t hold back. “please don’t call me that.”
he chuckles, breathlessly. “oh, c’mon. you used to love it. you still do.”
“no, i don’t. actually, i don’t want to hear your stupid pet names or stupid voice or see any of your stupid posts. just go bother your girlfriend and leave me alone.”
you notice jeno perk up beside you out of the corner of your eye. he must have been caught off guard by your irritated tone.
as always, lucas is unaffected by you. “i’m being nice and giving you a second chance. i even called you behind soyeon’s back.”
“is that something i’m supposed to reward you for?” you scoff. “congratulations, you’re now awful, toxic, and a cheater.”
he growls. the sound was familiar. in your relationship, if you heard it you knew he was going to snap at you until he had the satisfaction of making you cry. “i know you miss me so don’t say things you’re going to regret later. because even when you’re back in my arms, i won’t let you forget it.”
the thought of being back with him made you feel icky. but the fact that he sincerely thought you would crawl back to him set your entire body on fire. “are you joking? i was always aware of the fact that you treated me like the dirt you walked on but do you seriously think that lowly of me?”
you’re rendered speechless and apparently, so is he because the other line stays silent.
“i wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last person on earth,” you spit. “you treated me horribly, wong yukhei. i won’t ever forget it. move on. i have.”
you glance at jeno, his expression more serious than you’ve ever seen it. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are trained on your cellphone. the glare he gives the device is so strong you wouldn’t be surprised if even lucas could feel it, wherever he was.
you hang up and block the number, wishing to never talk to him again. you toss your phone onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. you find jeno’s gaze to still be focused intensely on it.  
“if you gave lucas that look, i’m pretty sure he’d cry.”
he breaks his concentration, eyes going to you instead. his entire face softens. “all i’m going to say is he better pray we never cross paths.”
“well, if you happen to, call me up. i wouldn’t mind helping you beat the crap out of him.”
jeno chuckles for a second then lowers his voice to a whisper. “he was really bad to you, huh?”
you nod. “he messed me up. i hate to admit it ‘cause i know i was stupid to stay with him for as long as i did.”
your roommate shakes his head. “don’t say that. it’s not your fault he messed up the best thing that would ever happen to him.”
“i thought i was the problem for so long, jeno. i was so blinded by love. then, i realized there was no way he truly cared for me when he treated me like i had no heart to be broken.”
jeno scoots towards you and rubs soothing circles into your arm. “you have such a big heart. and i can’t tell you how sorry i am that he took advantage of that. i’m sorry that you were stuck with someone so insecure and ignorant. please, don’t think about him anymore.”
you hold in your tears. you refused to cry over someone like lucas. “i know. i try so hard not to.”
jeno holds your head into his chest. his arms are placed securely on your back. “oh, baby.”
when jeno uses this pet name on you, it feels so completely different from lucas. you could tell me meant it. he wasn’t using it to make you stay a little longer, to assure you he loved you. strangely enough, you do not need to be convinced of that. you feel like you have known it for a long time.  
   9.    he likes to be the big spoon.
you’re not sure how he’s done it but you end up falling asleep in jeno’s arms. you assume it had been so long since you had been cradled and rocked so delicately that the foreign yet extremely delightful sensation knocked you right out. even seol is deep in sleep, laying down peacefully at your feet.  
you relish in the feeling of jeno pressed right into your back. he fits so perfectly against you that it reminds you of a puzzle piece. to be exact, the moment when you connect the last two pieces and the full picture becomes complete. that was how you felt—complete.
with jeno’s soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and his soft snores filling your ear, you know there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. his arm that is wrapped around you makes sure you can’t escape his embrace. you are positive that even if you had the liberty of doing so, you would stay exactly where you were.
you lean farther back into your pillow, closing your eyes. you let every thought fade away as you try to fall back asleep as soon as possible. you wanted the moment you found yourself in to last as long as possible.
   10.    he has feelings for you.
jeno mumbles sweet nothings into your ear as he toys with your hair.
it just seemed right to him. like something he was meant to do with you. he had seen these types of things in films and shows before. it was intimate and touching, the scenes were always meant to tug at the audience’s heart strings and show how in love the two characters were. perhaps, even though you lay asleep in his arms, he wants you to finally know.
“honestly, being inside with you all the time is kind of the best. i know the whole virus situation is less than ideal but being able to spend so much time with you... that’s all i could ask for.” he pauses. “isn’t it so crazy how before this we were all weird and awkward around each other? well, i guess we still kind of are. that’s mostly my fault so... sorry. i just don’t know how to act around you sometimes. we’re barely getting close and i’m already this attached to you. as jisung would so kindly say, ‘i’m simping’.” he chuckles to himself. “all jokes aside, i really do like you. ever since you moved in here all cute and nervous, you’ve taken your own little place in my heart, as cheesy as it sounds. and these past few weeks, you just keep on taking up more and more room in there. not that i have a problem with it. i just...” he stops as if he doesn’t know how else to express his feelings. “really, really like you.”
“thanks.”
you feel him jolt then abruptly stop stroking your hair. there’s silence until he asks, “you don’t happen to be a sleep talker, do you?”
you shake your head.
“and did you hear like, a lot of what i said?”
“only the important stuff. like how awkward you are and how much you like me.”
“o-oh.”
“but don’t worry. it’s mutual.”
you feel his relieved breath hit the skin of your neck. “that’s the best thing i’ve heard all day.”
you tilt your head back and stare at him, confused. “what, did you seriously think i wasn’t into you?”
he shrugs. “i was too busy simping, i guess.”
you can’t contain your laughter at the use of the slang. “park jisung would not be proud.”   
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lubdubsworld · 3 years
Text
Better Man.
              ~~~~We might still be in love, if you were a better man. ~~~~
Taehyung x OC 
Rating 18 +
Angst. 
Implied Infidelity in the past. 
Chapter 1 ~ Walk out the first time. 
"Are you okay?" My mother's soft voice came from behind me and i panicked, hurriedly swiping at the tears that were streaking down my face. Heart pounding, I grabbed a bunch of tissues from the dresser, patting my face down hurriedly , making sure to keep my back to her. 
"I'm fine, Mom." I said , voice surprisingly steady as I turned around to smile weakly at her. She stood near the doorway, a petite woman of fifty with greying hair and too many wrinkles. 
I thought she looked older than she was and i knew I had a part to play in that. Sighing, I tried not to cry more, moving to gently take my son out of her arms. 
He was four years old, fast asleep and smiling sweetly in his slumber. He had downy black hair, feather soft and warm brown eyes. He looked incredibly like his father, the resemblance stunning even though he was so young. I stared at him some more, laying him down on the bed and brushing the hair off his face. 
"Are you sure there is no mistake? Taehyung ssi wouldn't hurt us like this..." My mother said, sounding broken and I felt a pang of sympathy. But also annoyance. 
Us. 
Us....like she had an equal share in the hurt I was feeling.
 I was the one getting a  divorce but my mother made it sound like it was personal to her as well. Like somehow, the fact that she now had to meet her friends and tell them that her daughter was divorced could compare to the pain I was feeling. To the sheer anguish that was filling me.
To be fair though, my mother had loved Taehyung very much. Her favorite son-in-law . My sister's husband had been a mean drunkard who had brought a lot of misery to our family. Taehyung by contrast had been a loving, filial son in law. He had cared deeply for my parents, paid for my father's funeral ( even though the man itself was nothing more than a drunk , cheating fool who had abandoned us )  and he had been the most kind man . 
I swallowed. 
Maybe , you should have forgiven him. Maybe , you shouldn't have divorced him . So, he slept with another woman. Fine.  It was one night... just one night. you should have gotten over it! Was it worth it to spend all these countless nights alone? To break your mother's heart a thousand times over? 
 The funny thing was, i had forgiven him. Maybe right after I had found out. He had stood there, looking shell-shocked and horrified and his eyes had begged me for forgiveness and my heart had cracked , the way it always did whenever I saw him in distress. And when he had looked me in the eye and said, "  I’m sorry,  Jang mi..." I had forgiven him right then and there.
 But it was the forgetting that was hard. The fear that it would happen again. The fear that somehow, I was the reason he strayed. And that kind of fear can be debilitating. For the first three weeks, I'd tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I had tried hard to see him the way I had always seen him but it had been impossible. everytime I saw him, my heart had broken anew. It had been hard but I had to accept that things would never be the same. That I would forever look at him and remember what he’d done. That I would forever wonder if he would do it again. 
So we had done the wise thing. 
At first a break.
 A few days apart to get our head on straight.  Then I’d found a job and I had to move closer to the office to make the commute easy. And then suddenly, I wasn’t seeing him even during the weekends , to spend time as family for our son’s sake. And just like that , a whole year had passed and we  were separated. Only meeting to hand Hoshi over to each other. 
"I'm sorry mother." I said softly. I knew that she blamed me, a whole lot for the separation. 
People with children  didn't leave each other over infidelity in my country. You hit your husband, denied him from your bed maybe but you didn't break up a family over one night of bad decisions. You just didn't .
But for me, it was beyond the act. It was the broken trust, the shock of knowing that some other woman had given him something I couldn't, the fact that he had even wanted it from another woman had been enough for me to crumble on the inside.  
But, none of it mattered now. 
He wanted a divorce. Officially. Wanted to end it for real. 
It was jarring, how badly it shook me. I felt unaccountably lost and confused and disoriented. I couldn't imagine not being Taehyung’s wife , i realized with a stunning sense of self realization.
 Call me irrational, but apparently, I couldn't stop thinking of him as my husband , even after two years. Soon he wouldn't be my husband. 
He would be  my ex -husband. 
i hated that word. 
It had such a plethora of negative connotations to it. When you hear it , you just brace yourself for unpleasantness.
 Because it is unpleasant. A marriage ending, a family breaking, feelings hurt , hearts shattered,  angry words tossed...its all a very unpleasant experience for everyone involved. 
An ex husband was seldom a harbinger of happiness, more often a reminder of choices gone wrong, regrets and wasted time. and I didn’t want to associate Taehyung with a word like that.
Taehyung who was still the kindest, warmest human being I knew. The best father in the world. 
I felt like someone had sucked all the strength out of me.
I didn’t really want to think about the call I’d gotten from Taehyung last night. An appointment with a divorce lawyer.  It had been followed by an apology because apparently, someone in the law firm had let the info leak. And now it was all over the sleazy tabloids that fed on people’s misery. 
It was impossible to escape it too, Taehyung was famous. An idol. And actor. The country's sweetheart. And he was the epitome of perfection. The beautiful, talented actor with an impeccable record of well behavior. 
I knew that literally everyone on the planet thought he was a literal angel. 
 I remembered how much , by contrast, I had been hated when I'd married him.
I could just imagine how much more it would all be this time around. And i wondered if it bothered Taehyung too. Did he perhaps wish he’d never met me
It had been sheer luck that we had met.... 
In fact, if Jimin's  car hadn't broken down right outside our home on that cold December night, I wouldn't have even met Taehyung. A great cosmic shift, somewhere some butterfly flapped its wing a certain way and suddenly, Jimin’s car ran over a thumbtack and his phone was dead so while he tried to fix the damage , Taehyung  just had to knock on our home and I had been the one to open it. 
Boom. That was it. Love at first sight. 
 I had been a high school kid and he had been barely nineteen. Fresh faced and cheerful , the struggling idol from a small company. He hadn't been surrounded by fans or chased by saesangs. He hadn't had security tailing him. No daesangs, BBMAs, or acting awards. No blockbuster movies to his credit , no chart-bursting songs either . 
And I had fallen in love with that version of him. 
The hardworking, talented young man who worked twice as hard as anyone around him. 
 That's right. You've loved him for fifteen years.  So it's understandable that you're upset. Now, maybe you can move on too. Go on a few of those blind dates that Jiyoung is always setting you up on. Go live your life instead of being a zombie. Get a hair cut. Dye your hair red. Do something to get your life in order. 
"I still find it hard to believe that he would want a divorce. Jangmi yah... did you tell him you forgave him? Tell him you wanted to try again..." My mother said again and the distress in her voice was equal parts heartbreaking and exasperating. 
"Mother, I don't want to try again . We aren't married anymore. It's over, whatever it was between us. " 
 Whatever it was. 
How cruel, to have all that love, all that affection  reduced to a phrase like that. 
What a pity. 
"But what about Hoshi? He needs his father..." My mother cried out and I willed myself not to snap. She means well, I thought miserably. 
"He has a father. Taehyung is an excellent father and you know that. Don’t start that again.” 
My mother sighed.
"I still feel that this wouldn’t happen if you tried a little bit. He’s a good boy. Such a good boy and you could never do anyone better. Why are you so full of pride, Jangmi... so prideful...you should be a little humble. Think of the kind of man he is...where would you find a man like that ? And moreover .... Taehyung loves you. i know he does." My mother said stubbornly. 
I sighed, feeling my fingers shake from the effort not to scream. I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation with her. Not now. Possibly never. Taehyung did  love me. Had never made any effort to hide it. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t. 
And I wanted to yell at my mother she was at least partially to blame for me walking out on Taehyung. 
My father had left us for another woman , when I was twelve. I had seen the toll it had taken on my mother and I just knew that I would never let a man do that to me. My mother had later confided in me that it wasn’t the first time. He had done it before. A lot of times. And my mother had always forgiven him. Let him back into our lives. 
And one night, drunk on soju she had confided between hiccups, ‘ I wish I’d walked out the first time.” 
And that had stuck with me. 
Walk out the first time. 
If he cheats on you , walk out the first time. Don’t stick around waiting for him to do it to you again. Walk out the first time. 
 And so I had. 
“ Should I talk to him? Tell him you’ve changed your mind? “ My mother began and I felt my patience snap.
“No!! Could you just, for the love of God, stay out of this, ma? It’s over. Our marriage is over and it has been over for a long time. A piece of paper doesn’t really change that, does it? Its not my fault you can’t get over it but that’s a you problem. And you need to fix it yourself.  “ I shouted. 
My mother immediately recoiled, eyes shuttering down. 
“Of course. You know the best. Who cares how anyone else feels, right, Jang Mi? You always know best.” She said softly, and I exhaled, shaken. There it was. The guilt trip. It was never ending. 
Please... I just need to go now.” I moved to grab my bag, :” I need to go get ready for the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. You can keep Hoshi with you tonight.  I’ll come pick him up after I’m done and then I’ll drop him off at his father’s place.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With Taehyung and I, our break up hadn’t been terrible. 
It hadn’t been terrible because our own penchant for being terrible had always been very minimal. We didn’t do swearing or fights or threats and it always annoyed our friends that we got along so well. That it was so easy for us to forgive and move on with each other . That we were the one couple who didn’t hold grudges or bring up past mistakes. 
Which is why, when we did break up, none of our friends had tried to change our minds over it. They had accepted it rather calmly, shocked at first because it was so out of the blue but not opposed to the idea itself . They just trusted us to know the right thing to do because we were easily the most mature , the most level headed couple in the entire group. We were usually the sounding boards , the voice of reason in whatever petty conflict our friends were involved in . 
So when it was us, needling a little advice, a little guidance, our friends had been woefully ill equipped to help. They had merely hummed and nodded and empathized. Maybe that was another reason I’d left. I hadn’t considered the alternative. No one had asked me to consider the alternative. 
Our friends had watched us drift apart watched us break up, but they hadn’t really asked us  why.  
Because if something had caused Kim Taehyung and Jang Mi to break up, man, that must’ve been a really huge issue. 
So the break up had been amicable. Gradual and slow but mostly amicable, eased by our mutual love for our son. We wanted him happy and he was happy when we were happy. So we put on a front, laughed and joked in front of him and let him have some semblance of normalcy in his life. 
It wasn’t easy. 
From him,  it had been nothing but a mess of   heated glances, touches laced with intent and eyes begging forgiveness . every gaze of his was a silent scream for a second chance that I was not at all ready to give. 
Because for me, the raw hurt and anger and frustration that bubbled up every time I saw him , it had nowhere to go. It stayed churning in my gut, made everything bitter and unpalatable and I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. How could I think of a second chance when the hurt from the first, was still so fresh, an open wound festering. 
Self esteem in tatters, I had hated him fiercely. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The meeting was at his company, and I arrived at nine in the morning, with a few more minutes to spare.  I knew the place like the back of my hand, was here at least  once a week either to pick or drop Hoshi off and I knew that the conference room in the third floor was sound proof and cut off from the rest of the building for extra privacy. 
Which was a little too late because I’d found two tabloid newspapers waiting outside my apartment this morning. 
I opened the door carefully, surprised to see Taehyung sitting in one of the chairs, bent over a sheaf of paper on the table and next to him a leggy girl in a small skirt hovered, fingers resting lightly on his shoulder, bent at the optimum angle to show him her curves. 
I sighed, looking away.
It was way too early for this. 
“Mia!” Taehyung’s voice made me look up, and I watched as he stood up, pushing the chair away and moving to me . He was easily the most good looking man in the country. And he looked so good at thirty five that it was impossible to look away from him. 
He was dressed in a pale blue shirt and black slacks and it never amazed me, how good clothes fit him. 
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I took in the broad shoulders, thick arms and the lean waist, the carefully styled hair and the breathtakingly beautiful face and sighed when he kept coming closer, hands held out. . 
Of course, the customary hug. 
i let him wrap his arms around me, my face buried in the comforting warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne filling my brain . He always smelled so good it made my heart hurt. I tried not to let myself get carried away. Tried to remind myself that this wasn’t anything more than a.....
A facade ? Or was it? Was his affection genuine? 
Was I just too cynical?
I shook my head, pulling away and smiling a little at the genuine venom in the leggy girl’s face. 
“Are you okay? Where’s Hoshi?” Taehyung brushed the hair off my face, eyes warm and I wondered if he’d forgotten we were here to get a divorce.
 Whenever we met, Taehyung acted like we were still together. 
No, that wasn’t it. 
He just didn’t act like we had broken up. He was affectionate and open and cooperative. It always left me in a sort of limbo, unable to navigate our relationship with clear boundaries. There were no line to stop myself from crossing, because he just didn’t draw them. 
“ Ms. Lee says we just have to go over the details like the alimony and the custody and the division of assets and then we can just proceed. Get it all finalized.  “ He said casually, when I moved away and sat on the chair opposite him. 
“Okay .” I said casually. 
He smiled and turned back to the girl next to him.
“I’ll join you after the meeting Lisa.” he gave her a nice wide smile and the girl practically bloomed under the attention before bowing curtly in my direction. I watched her walk away, slightly amused.
“Bit younger than your usual type.” I commented , glancing at him. He gave me a look.
“I’m not dating her.” He shrugged. 
“Does she know that?” I retorted.
 It was dumb. Uncalled for. I was being a bitch, really but the urge to evoke some kind of reaction from Taehyung was something I’d never really out grown. I liked getting under his skin.
Taehyung sighed and gave me a little smirk.
“Are you jealous, Mia mine?” He teased. 
It felt a little like someone had dug a nine inch dagger straight  into my heart. 
That stupid nickname. 
God I couldn’t bear it. 
Swallowing i looked away. 
“Sorry. “ he said quietly, a few seconds later. 
I nodded curtly. 
“Don’t do it again.” I said hoarsely. 
“Why not?” He whispered gently. 
I groaned. 
“Taehyung... “
“it’s just a name...why does it bother you so much?” He whispered. 
“The same reason you’re asking me for a divorce.” I said softly.
He blinked.
“Mia...”
“Because we both know its time to stop.” I said quietly. “ Stop dancing around each other , stop doing...whatever it is we’ve been doing these past two years and give our relationship a name. “ 
“I’m not very fond of labels.” He shrugged. I glared at him. 
“Well tough luck. Labels are good. Labels are great. They let you draw boundaries. “ I retorted. 
“You sound like you’ve had enough of me.”
“Well, haven’t you had enough of me?” I snapped.
“Not even close.” He leaned forward gently, eyes pinning me to the table with a gaze so strong he may as well have used his body. And it didn’t help that two years wasn’t enough time to forget how it would feel if he  had  used his body. How it would feel to be stretched out on that table, him on top of me, hands working my clothes open, lips kissing their way down my jaw. 
I could almost taste him, taste the minty freshness of his breath, feel his tongue in my mouth, the hardness of him inside me. My thighs clenched because I hadn’t gotten laid in two fucking years and even if i did, no one would ever compare to the man in front of me. 
“Mr. Kim? Mrs. Kim? “ 
The lawyer’s voice broke the spell and i straightened, swallowing. Ms. Lee had walked in , and I watched her close the conference door behind her before locking it gently. 
She was young, dressed in a business suit , a no nonsense bun and had small round framed glasses. She gave me a nice smile, shook hands with us both and placed her briefcase on the table before glancing between us. 
“Shall we begin?” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author’s Note : its gonna be a bumpy ride. 
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Text
Death Does Not Discriminate Between The Sinners And The Saints
It Takes And It Takes And It Takes
Part 2
Tony Stark x Male Demon Reader
Word Count: 3609
@charliedakotariley I hope this is all you wanted in your original request. Sorry I took so long to get to the actual stuff you put in your request. I hope you enjoy this!
-----------
Y/n didn't know what was going on. One moment he had been fighting Thanos's forces in Wakanda, the next, everything was getting weird. Enemies were turning to dust all around him. Worse than that, so were some of his allies.
It was bad enough that he had been separated from Tony, but now he wasn't sure if he would ever see him again. Who ever had done this was going to regret it if Tony was dead.
Y/n took a step, but before his foot even connected with the ground he was gone.
The next thing he knew he was waking up in the fields outside the city, alongside all the others. Everyone was pretty much in panic mode until a man with a deep red cloak started floating and took control.
Apparently they had been gone for five years, but more than that, there was an even bigger battle ahead of them than the one that they had just been in.
The floating guy did some odd form of magic that opened up a portal into another place. Y/n knew that then was not the time, but he felt himself go all giddy at the thought of real magic! Maybe after all this he could learn some!
The floating guy had introduced himself at some point, Y/n was sure, but he hadn't caught it and now didn't really seem like the time, so he just mentally dubbed him 'Floating Man' and moved on.
Then they were all rushing into battle, and Floating Man was not wrong. It was brutal, but Y/n couldn't help but feel he was in the wrong place. There was somewhere he needed to be, a tug inside that was pulling almost to the point of pain.
Y/n growled and dropped his perception filter, it was just draining him and he had more important things to worry about. He used the pause in onslaught to do a spin that sent a large swathe of enemies flying. Thank God for his tail, he had missed being able to give his all in battle.
In the space he had just given himself, he spun slower, looking for where it was he needed to go.
Y/n knew immediately exactly where he was meant to be. Tony was about to tackle Thanos.
Y/n smashed his tail as hard as he could into the ground and using the momentum of the shockwave caused by it, he leapt over the battlefield.
His eyes widened in horror as he watched Tony sass the mad titan. He had those damned infinity stones just about in place on his Iron Man glove. He would die if he tried to use them!
Y/n slammed into Tony at full force and wrapped himself around the stupid self-sacrificing genius just as he snapped his fingers. The energy coursed through the two beings and Y/n could feel it trying to overcome them. He knew there was a price for holding such power, but he wasn't about to let Tony pay it on his own.
He held on tighter and let out a roar, forcing himself to hold on and not be torn apart by the power of the stones.
"Don't you dare give up on me Tony! We'll go out of this world together or not at all, do you understand me?"
And then it was over. Thanos's armies were defeated, turned to dust, as was the mad titan himself.
------------
It had been five years since the Avengers had managed to bring everyone back and Y/n still couldn't believe how lucky he had been. If he had been even just a second later in getting to Tony, he might not have made it.
As it was his heart had taken some serious damage, and Y/n hadn't come out of it scot-free either. He had aged noticeably.
Where he had looked near his mid twenties for centuries, he now looked to be closer to forty than thirty, but he would never consider the alternative. What were a few hundred years to him when he would get to wake up in Tony's arms because of his actions.
But he could no longer ignore the thing that had been bothering him for the last ten or so years. Tony was getting older. And, ignoring magical space stones and stupid ideas, Y/n was not.
Every morning Y/n could see more differences. Tony was aging, and normally that wouldn't be a bad thing, after all, it means that he's alive to have the chance to age, but it was becoming more apparent as the days passed, and Y/n couldn't help but realise that one day in the not so distant future he was going to be without Tony once again. Forever this time.
Everyday as he noticed the changes in Tony, Y/n became a little quieter, a little more withdrawn. He didn't want to waste the time he had left with Tony, but the spectre of death was looming ever nearer, and this time there was no other realm to break into to solve the problem.
Y/n had felt a momentary surge of hope when he remembered the gift the Queen of Asgard had promised him, but that was extinguished when he remembered what had happened to Asgard.
The sinking in his chest was getting worse. There was a pain that was consistent, a deep thrum inside that wouldn't go away. Whenever he thought about the future, or Tony dying it came back. He could sometimes forget about what was coming, but he would inevitably be reminded and the pain would resurface.
Y/n thought fleetingly of his more carefree days, when all he wanted was to cause as much chaos as he could, and he could just swan away from it without a backward glance. Tony had made him so much more than that, without even trying. He had made him feel things and there wasn't a day that went by when Y/n could bring himself to regret meeting Tony.
But that sweet joy and love was now soured by the passage of time, and Y/n wasn't sure how much more he could take.
How could the mix of love and time bring so much pain and joy. Why could he not just have the joy, why did the pain have to come with it?
Y/n was standing in their kitchen when it happened. He was hit with a wave of pain so deep he buckled at the feeling. He had just taken another message from Tony's doctor about not putting too much strain on his heart, and he couldn't help the hopeless feeling washing over him.
He could feel time slipping through his fingers, and there was nothing he could do to slow it down.
His heart gave a particularly hard thump as his emotions got the better of him.
Y/n felt a searing pain starting in his chest that was physical rather than the almost unbearable emotional pain he had been dealing with. He gasped as tears dripped down his face. He only noticed when a hissing noise came from the ground by his feet, that the tears weren't the normal salty water, but actual lava.
It clicked suddenly, what was happening to him, but Y/n couldn't think through the fugue of his feelings. He had heard of it in stories but never seen it in person. Demons don't normally fall in love, so they aren't affected by things like the deep depression of watching someone you love die when there isn't anything you can do.
The thing is, demon's hearts are literally made of super heated volcanic rock. Demons were never made to deal with such strong emotions, so when a demons heart breaks, it happens literally. Lava erupts from anywhere it can force it's way out, then it starts to break down the rest of the body. As far as the stories are concerned, there might be a way to save them before they have broken down entirely, but no-one had managed it yet.
The stories hadn't prepared Y/n for the pain, but after so long only feeling hopelessness and despair, Y/n welcomed this new pain. Finally, something had come to save him from the eternity that was a future without Tony.
He could feel the lava in the burnt out husk that used to be his heart flare brighter as another wave of heat seared through him. The lava was actually burning away the blood that had been running through his veins.
Y/n had to get out of there. He couldn't do anything about the trails of melted stone that his tears were leaving behind, but he couldn't let Tony see this.
He would be with him again in their next life.
------------
Tony was starting to worry. He had been sticking a bit closer to Y/n lately because he had noticed the other man acting strangely. He seemed more and more sad as the days went by. This was something that Tony had needed to keep an eye on. He didn't want to lose Y/n to something that he could help to fix.
He hadn't thought much of it when the other man had rushed out of the room to grab the phone when it rang that morning, but it had been a while since then and Y/n hadn't come back yet.
He heaved himself off of the couch and groaned at the distance.
"God, it's a long way up these days."
He had only taken half a step in the direction his wayward husband had gone when Friday alerted him to a news broadcast of unusual activity on one of the islands off the coast closest to where they were at the moment.
He watched in disbelief as the news caster reported a seeming impossibility. The island was apparently home to a volcano, which was erupting. It was pure luck that it was an uninhabited island, but there would be far reaching results of the eruption.
Tony turned up the volume with a flick of his wrist.
"This is particularly baffling for scientists everywhere as this island has never been on anyone's radar for volcanic activity. Apparently this is just another case of nature getting the better of our understanding of science, which will have our scientists scratching their heads for decades. We have managed to get some footage of the eruption from a distance, and it is a truly harrowing sight."
Tony was transfixed. It really was awe inspiring to see something like that right in front of him. He couldn't help but feel a sinking sensation. There was no way that it was a coincidence that his literal demon husband was missing right as this was happening, right?
"Y/n?"
Tony made his way into the kitchen, calling out for this husband at the same time. He was getting really worried now, but was trying to calm himself. Everything was probably fine.
Tony tripped over something and landed sprawled on the ground. He looked around to find the offending item, but was met with the sight of their kitchen floor melted in a trail that led right out of the room.
Tony followed it with mounting fear. It led out their front door. After that the trail got further apart the further away from the house it got.
Tony swore as he summoned his suit. He hated being right.
---------
Tony was starting to think that fate hated him. Okay, to be fair he couldn't fault fate for sending him Y/n, but the demon could be the biggest drama king. Yes, Tony was aware that that was kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, but that didn't change the fact that it was true.
He was circling the island now, because of course the trail of fire and melted ground had led him there.
Tony let out another string of expletives as he flew close enough to land.
The island looked like what Tony though hell would look like. There were puddles of lava everywhere, and anything that wasn't a melted pile of rock was on fire or long ago burnt to ash. Tony was sweating in his suit, but he also knew that taking it off, even just the head piece, would be a death sentence.
"Y/N!"
He yelled as loud as he could, which, with the suit already amplifying his voice, was pretty loud.
There was movement from something off to his left.
Tony shifted to face it and was confronted with a sight that broke his heart. His sweet husband, always so concerned for Tony, was clearly breaking apart.
He had burn tracks down his cheeks where his skin hadn't been strong enough to withstand the lava. Y/n looked every bit the demon he had been when he first showed Tony what he was. He must have dropped the perception field once again, because Tony could see all of his demonic features. The horns which had once been shiny and sharp enough to gore even super soldiers, were now dull and flaking, just as broken as the man they were attached to.
Tony could see Y/n's chest glowing with the reds and oranges of fresh lava from where he stood.
Tony was frozen. He didn't know what he could do to fix this. But there had to be hope still, Y/n had recognised his voice even if he might not have understood the word.
"Stay there! I'll be right back. We're going to fix this, don't give up on me yet Y/n!"
After some quick thinking, Tony managed to concoct a plan that was only semi-crazy.
He flew as fast as he could in a tight circle just close enough to the ocean to encourage some of the water to form into a whirlwind of water and air. Once he had enough (he hoped), he sent it flying in the direction of his husband and the island.
He stood back and watched, sick fear pooling in his stomach as he saw the water hit. There was intense hissing and a fog filled the air in response to the water coming into contact with such a hot substance.
Tony couldn't wait any longer, so he landed as close as he could get to the place Y/n had been standing.
He found him laying in a puddle of water staring up into the fog. Tony removed the suit's head piece and both gauntlets, discarding them without a second thought.
He reached out to Y/n with shaking hands.
"What were you doing? What happened?"
Y/n turned deadened eyes on Tony.
"Time is a cruel Master who we must all answer to."
Tony had no idea what to do with that, but he really didn't like the look in Y/n's eyes.
"Yeah, but not today. You see that bastard, you kick his ass, you hear me?"
That got a tiny spark of life back into Y/n's eyes.
"Tony? How?"
Tony could have sobbed in relief. Y/n was coming back to him.
"Hey babe, I should be asking you that."
Tony pulled Y/n up into his arms. It was awkward with him still mostly in his suit but he wasn't about to take the time to remove it. He had a husband to bring back from the brink of something he still didn't understand.
"You gonna be alright?"
Y/n just burrowed into the side of Tony's neck.
"You scared the crap outta me, Y/n/n. What was that?"
Tony let Y/n pull back just enough to be able to see him. He wasn't letting the other man out of his arms for a long time after this.
"You can't deny it Tony, time is passing. I just couldn't bear the thought that you will pass so long before I will."
Tony felt his brow crease in confusion, but he waited for his love to continue.
"As a demon I have a much longer life span as you know. When you die I will be all alone. You'll be gone, forever. How am I supposed to live without you now that I know what it's like to live with you?"
Tony felt his heart breaking for Y/n. He could understand where he was coming from, but that still didn't explain this situation. He opened his mouth to question him when Y/n continued.
"Demons don't normally feel emotions as strong as love, and the loss that comes with it. We aren't built for it. Our hearts can overload. When that happens, they literally melt inside us. I'd been told the stories, but to be honest I didn't realise there was any truth in them."
He took a shuddering breath.
"When I realised what was happening, all I could think was that I couldn't take you with me when I died from it. So I left."
Tony let out a long breath.
"Okay, there's a lot to unpack there, but a steaming crater in the middle of nowhere isn't the place to do it. Let's get you home."
-------------
True to his word, Tony had barely let Y/n go since they got back home. He had whisked him through the kitchen with barely enough time for him to take in the ruined floor before he found himself on the couch wrapped in a blanket with Tony wrapped around that.
"Next time, tell me. Next time something is bothering you like this, let me in. There might be something I can do to help, but even if there isn't, we would still shoulder that problem together. There's nothing I would rather do, than try to help lighten the load."
Y/n vaguely registered the words. They sounded familiar to some distant corner of his mind, but he was still feeling pretty numb.
"Together, or not at all," Y/n echoed his words from that long ago battle.
He was rewarded by a soft squeeze from his husband.
"Exactly. Now, before you get all mopey again, there's a message from someone in New Asgard on the machine."
Y/n's head snapped up. There was no way it could be related to this.
He turned to Tony, feeling hope well up in his heart.
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In the years since Valkyrie had become ruler of New Asgard, the kingdom had flourished. Perhaps their greatest feat had been the resurgence of magic in their peoples. Battle prowess had been the sought after trait for centuries on Asgard, but now they were on a planet that wasn't capable of inter-realm travel. There was nowhere to go and fight monsters to prove their worth.
Once they realised that their new ruler was trying to bring them back to their former glory instead of just making sure that they survived, they began to take charge of their own lives. They dusted off old tomes of magic that had somehow found their way into the belongings people had managed to bring with them, and soon the vast majority of them were once again using magic.
The reason this had been their saving grace, was because a young woman, a descendant of Idunn, had been playing around with her magic and followed a strange magical signature.
What she had found had brought the people of New Asgard hope. Hope that they could once again be great. She had found a single golden apple, buried in the wreckage of the Avengers compound. It had been protected by a spell strong enough to save it from the battle of Thanos, as well as the passage of time.
A note had been rolled up and stuffed into the box with it.
"Man of Iron,
The Queen of Asgard has bequeathed the enclosed item to you upon the occasion of her death. You are receiving it now, due only to the petty revenge it is to give such a boon to a human. Be grateful it is more pleasing to me to disobey the All-Father than to seek revenge on you for your part in my imprisonment on Asgard.
Loki, Ruler of Asgard."
The young woman had immediately taken the box, note and all, to Valkyrie. The decision would ultimately be up to her of what to do with it.
Valkyrie had decided that the needs of her people could be served at the same time as fulfilling the late Queens last wishes. It would just take a little longer to get it to Stark.
They had used the seeds to re-grow Idunn's orchard of golden apples. The Aesir would be able to retain their long life after all. Now that they had an entire orchard, they had enough for their people as well as fulfilling Queen Frigga's last wish that Tony Stark be granted the long life of an Aesir.
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When Y/n and Tony arrived in New Asgard they were amazed at the transformation the previously small fishing village had gone through. Y/n smiled at the area. It would never be the same as what they had lost, but they had the opportunity to build themselves a new future and they had taken it with both hands.
Y/n stood in the orchard, tears running down his face as he held out a single golden apple to his husband.
Tony had been unsure when Valkyrie had explained about the apples, how they were the source of the Aesir's long life and more sturdy bodies.
He hadn't known how he would feel about living a longer life than all the other people he knew, but as he stood in front of Y/n, looking at the life he was offering him, he realised he would never choose anything else. As long as he had Y/n he could survive anything.
He stepped forward and accepted the apple.
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