#and that will either set them free to go have healthy normal relationships or. lets be honest much more likely. completely fucking break

[quietwingsinthesky]

there’s a progression in there, somewhere, of even going from ‘the master might kill me any day now :(‘ to ‘the master is going to kill me :) she’s not going to let someone else do it after all this time’

#i wouldn’t call it hubris exactly. more like this pretty secure surity that that’s how they’re going to die. #and to them that makes sense. they chose this. they keep choosing it after the doctor offers them a way out. #because this is. they understand this. and they feel safe in the reprieve before their death. #how do you control death? choose who kills you. the last defense of a prey animal. #something something dark mirror to clara’s ‘i am owed’ speech for even is if this ever. doesn’t work out the way they thought it would. #clara tried to threaten the doctor so that he’d reverse death for her. even would turn on the master if she tried to spare them. #i am owed better. i am owed the death you promised… i am owed the knowledge that you don’t care enough to save me… you know. something like #that. #even is. kind of. meant to mirror the doctor’s companions at the time. they are a martha who can’t leave him. they are a donna who has to #remember and never speak about everything they know. they are clara if during deep breath clara reached back and truly didn’t expect. truly #hoped. that no one would take her hand. because if they can be certain it will happen they can know never to reach again. #jesus christ. go to therapy boy. you have so many trust issues. #but that’s why they’re Like That with the master because at the end of the day. who is easier to rely on? the guy who comes in to put out #fires but only sometimes. or the guy who. really really fucking likes starting fires. #better to get burned hoping someone is coming or get burned knowing that’s what would happen. and even. chooses the latter. #AND ALL OF THIS. for me to say thats why i cant actually let the master ever kill them. #i think she needs to do something worse to even. i think she needs to abandon them. #and that will either set them free to go have healthy normal relationships or. lets be honest much more likely. completely fucking break #them. which would be fun :) for me. #dw oc

[belphegorbillickin]

Autistic MC with Beel & Belphie

(CW!:) Belphie is selfish and manipulative as always, it's not really a healthy relationship even if it's a loving one. Stop reading at "He's the voice" to avoid it, though Beelzebub is also there to balance it out.

The same disclaimer for the previous set of autistic MC HCs applies.

This is not a even a remotely good indicator for self-suspecting autism and plenty of these things could easily be relatable to allistics, even the most mentally healthy neurotypicals.

So of course everyone is free to enjoy and relate to it! ^_^

Beelzebub:

Get ready for the best damn hugs of your life! Whatever way you want to be hugged, Beelzebub will deliver, anytime and anywhere.  Well, unless you want to be bigger or even just the same size as the person hugging you, but Beel's devoted enough to try to find a way to shrink for a bit if that's what you really want. Plus, think about how much bigger food would be in comparison!

Speaking of food, if there's any kind of texture you don't want to eat, or any other restrictions of course, Beel is more than happy to do it for you. He'll even pretend to steal it off your plate and let himself get lectured for it if you're in a situation where someone is trying to force you to eat something. Though he does try to make sure you're getting enough nutrition himself.

Beelzebub will always ensure you have something you can eat to the best of his abilities. He wouldn't mind ordering takeout or picking something up together afterward at all. Hell, you'd probably catch him trying to go out during a massive storm for one of your snacks. He always tries to have your favorite foods on hand just in case, even if it means constantly having to replace them because he can't resist the idea of sharing something you love. Beel also understands that all of smacking and chewing can be sensory hell even for "normal people," so he'll always give you a head's up before eating so you can put your headphones on and try to eat before hanging out with you if he can. Belphie will also happily give you the food off of his plate any time you want it, but he does the same for Beelzebub and is a bit of a picky eater with a low appetite himself, so do make sure he's eating enough when Beel is distracted.

He's also a great cook and a very patient teacher that'll eat any and all failed attempts, so he'd be more than happy to try to help you improve your cooking skills if that's something you struggle with. Beel's definitely the kinda guy that'd put all the knives out of reach if you really struggle with your motor skills though, and would only let you start peeling/chopping with safety gloves on. He doesn't mind taking on all the steps that give you a lot of trouble either. Even just staying with him as he cooks, keeping him distracted, and reminding him that he can't eat it all is more than enough to keep him happy.

Beelzebub is very intrigued by the concept of chew necklaces if you use them. He may or may not have tried one of yours he saw lying around. …It didn't end well. He basically impaled it on his massive teeth on the first gentle bite. It didn't even taste like anything either. He really can't see the appeal of it at all… You'll have to explain to him that it's just for the feeling of chewing, not actually eating, to help keep you from biting things you shouldn't. When you put it that way, he really sympathizes. Beelzebub actually thinks it's really cute that you kind of have something in common like that. Needless to say, he definitely fights for your right to keep it on you when you need it.

And if anyone has a problem with you or your needs? They have a problem with Beelzebub, and anyone who has a problem with Beelzebub has a problem with his brothers. Beelzebub's been the glue holding the family together for centuries and he'll gladly be the glue holding you together if you'd let him. He's incredibly patient with stuttering and does his best to protect MC from their harmful stims. He'll actively encourage, or rather almost force you, to take it out on him instead. Go on, don't worry, you'll break your own bones before you give him so much as a tiny scratch or a bruise.

Beelzebub is very empathetic when it comes to the people he cares about, and the most emotionally intelligent brother by far. He'd prefer for you to come and try to communicate with him when you're feeling down or overwhelmed before it becomes a big deal and would try to encourage you to do so, but he's always keeping an eye out and ready to intervene. If you're the kind of person that shuts down and needs to be left alone? He'll immediately put Belphie into a headlock, prying him and anyone else away if need be. He'd do his best to help encourage healthy habits and slow but steady growth, not allowing anyone to shove you into something you're not ready for, even if that day may never come. He's also very much able to sympathize with feeling "worthless" due to not being able to do as much as other people and feeling "slow," and does his best to try to keep you from feeling the same way.

Beel's also a great listener and almost always happy to just hang out, regardless of whatever it is y'all are doing together, so he's by far the best one to go to when no one else shares your interests. Feel free to chatter on about it on his back while he does his push-ups or while y'all are doing chores together and he'll surprise you with how much of it he retains and tries to bond with you over. He'd love for you to at least come to his most important games and would try to make it as accessible as possible, but he understands that it's not always enough. Do be sure to support him in your own way though, he'd very much appreciate it! 

Belphegor:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you have Belphie? Probably most people tbh, considering blankets don't have horns or thorny tails and don't actively resist being moved around or, god forbid, being left behind. Belphie's extremely clingy and tactile by nature when he likes someone, and he doesn't handle rejection very well. Which is definitely something that's an issue when you have sensory issues and can't stand the feeling of someone's hair or breath on you, or even any kind of touch at all (even through thick clothes and blankets) most of the time.

At least he can always guarantee a good night's sleep regardless of any noises, stressors, or changes in routine; so long as you trust enough to let him use his powers on you anyway. He promises getting addicted to his magic is mostly harmless, as long as you always keep him around and never ever sleep without him again. He'll let you come running any time you need his soothing voice and powers to help calm yourself down, actively encourages you to let him free you from your physical prison as often as you'd like.

But feel free to be as blunt about your boundaries as you need to be. It's pretty much the only way he'll listen, and he's fairly used to it after spending an eternity with Beelzebub anyway. He'll learn to adapt to your limits so long as they apply to everyone.  While Belphegor may not be anywhere near as kind or empathetic as Beel is, he's still very devoted to the very few people he chooses to let in and catches on quickly. He will listen if you tell him if you need to be left alone in complete and utter silence when you start getting overstimulated, though he'll also say it doesn't count if he's just passed out in the corner (even though it very much does) at first. You don't have to worry about softening up your sentences and micromanaging your tone with either of the twins really, they're both the "actions over words" type and won't overthink it unless you are the kind of person to be passive-aggressive. Even then, he can when you're just being blunt vs intentionally hurtful, though he'll definitely use it to his advantage against his "rivals." Belphegor would probably (playfully) give you some shit for it at first, but he's just being a dick, as is his nature, and will drop it the second he notices it hurts you, (if it would), once you two become close.

Similar to Satan, Belphie also automatically explains anything he knows you won't/didn't get, though only if he feels like it's necessary and in a much more arrogant manner by default. He's actually not being condescending on purpose for once, it just comes so naturally to him that he doesn't always know how to explain things and he's already used to doing most of the critical thinking for Beelzebub. God forbid anyone else talks down to you though, he's just as protective of you as he is of Beelzebub, if not more so.  He has his blind spots, but he won't force you into anything that would cause real distress and will intervene if someone else does. Especially if that someone is Lucifer or Diavolo.

Belphie's still his lazy, bratty self, but he does put more effort into maintaining his schedule if he knows it really stresses you out, and he'll gladly take the blame for "forcing" you to sleep through any and all events you'd hate to sit through. He's the voice that's always telling you that it's okay to not even try, that it'll never be anything but stressful no matter how hard you try and that's okay to just let it go. To just let him handle everything and try to relax. "Why bother trying to explain your issues to someone who will always see it as an excuse?" and etc. It's done with mostly good intentions, as good as a demon could ever have anyway, but he is very much an enabler of the worst kind, similar to Leviathan, and could easily create a very codependent relationship where you slowly start to lose your skills and built-up tolerance until you're left more disabled than you were before. 

It's actually one of the only things the twins ever seriously fight over, as Beelzebub disagrees with his approach and knows he's just making things harder for you in the end. He's very much of the belief that loving someone means helping them become their best, most healthiest self whereas Belphie believes there's no harm in letting you become as dependent on them as possible, because they'll always be there to help you. Beelzebub still believes a bit of suffering is healthy and necessary to improve regardless, and Belphegor still believes you should be able to avoid anything that makes you even slightly uncomfortable (unless he's really set on something) even if it makes it harder to cope in the end, regardless of how many times they argue. In the end, whether or not you fall to temptation completely is your choice, even if Belphegor will do his best to convince you he knows what's best for you.

I had wanted to get this out for their birthday, but Belphie is such an ass & I know this kind of HC doesn't actually make me feel reassured unless the characters are actually in-character, but I know it's the exact opposite for what seems like most(?) people & I didn't want to advertise comfort just for it to upset everyone, but… : / I can't write pure fluff with anyone but Beelzebub anyway tbh, and it's a bit of a struggle even then. Ngl, Beelzebub, Satan, and maybe Mammon depending on the MC (if they only date him) are probably the only ones any MC could realistically ever have a halfway healthy relationship with imo. (And I'm purposely excluding Simeon and Solomon from this list.)

#obey me beelzebub #belphegor x reader #obey me belphegor #beelzebub x reader #autistic reader #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #obey me #x reader

[cooki3face]

What you need to hear + advice from spirit

Pile one 🤍

What you’re going through:

I see someone could be healing from a situation or an experience that may have deeply impacted them, it could’ve been a painful ending or some sort of loss. There’s also an energy of some of you isolating or sort of taking a break to recharge or taking a moment for yourself to heal. Someone could be directing their energy towards healing or making the decision to stop for a moment and heal. I hear someone’s higher self saying “I’ve been ignoring myself and how I’ve felt for a long time.” Or someone wasn’t really taking their hardship or their pain into consideration here. As if in the past you were convincing yourself that the things you felt, experienced or were dealing with were apart of “a process” is what I’m getting or were normal or expected. This could be a relationship. Something I’m hearing for someone or a couple of people about sticking it out to the end or forgetting the negatives or the parts that really hurt deep and putting the positive parts on a pedestal or having their head in the clouds or being unrealistic to cope.

Yeah, there’s something here about being disconnected from intuition, from your inner self, from your faith or from your spirit guides or the universe. You could practice a religion, you could be spiritual, but there’s this delay or this disconnection you were experiencing from yourself and from your faith (or either or) because of this person, this connection, and this situation where you were almost covering your ears, doubting your intuition, not listening to what your inner/higher self was telling you or what your spirit guides were telling you. I see you setting yourself free from this, from spiritual poverty, from settling, from your pain, from this relationship, from this situation or environment. For some of you this could be about where you live or who you live with. You could be staying with someone or staying in a place that’s toxic or weighing you down or keeping you in a place of negativity. I keep hearing “I’m gonna leave.” “I’m leaving soon.” “I’m done with this.” This could be about a relationship, a situation, or a place or all three. Take what resonates leave what doesn’t.

There something coming through here about being exhausted, being tired, being overwhelmed, or giving up on something. I keep hearing finding acceptance too, accepting something/someone isn’t going to change, isn’t for you, or isn’t helpful or healthy for you. I said to someone once, “one day you’re going to wake up and realize you don’t want to feel that way anymore and you’re going to stop.” And that may resonate with you pile one. I think you’re finding hope or faith in renewal. “Faith is being sure if what you hope for.” Or spirit is asking to have hope or have faith in what it is you want from yourself from this point forward moving on from this connection, this environment, this situation.

What you need to hear:

Spirit wants you to know there is power in being alone. You may fear disconnection (I hear some of you may fear the feeling of guilt if you’re going no contact from family) you may fear being lonely, some of you could be people who just want to feel loved by someone or miss the feeling of being wanted and that’s what causes you to keep putting yourself in harmful situations. Spirit is letting you know that you need to do the inner work and that it’s time for you to emerge out of old cycles or learn one of your biggest lessons and for some of you that has to do with spending time alone, being secure in yourself and in your independence, or putting yourself first. There’s peace to be found in finding acceptance when someone no longer serves you or when someone is not alignment with you anymore. Remember that if this person does not serve you or isn’t in alignment with you there is always more to be found elsewhere.

Spirit says it’s time you become closer with yourself and get deeply familiar with who you are, your needs, your emotions, and your desires. It’s time you start listening to yourself and how you feel. You could be an emotional person or someone who experiences a large amount of emotional highs and lows but there’s this energy here of you not valuing these emotions, not learning from them, or not serving them Justice or serving yourself Justice when you feel them. I hear “nobody can take your happiness from you but you.” I see someone looking in the mirror and seeing the perpetrator of their unhappiness in their reflection but it isn’t them. Almost as if you’re pointing the finger or placing responsibility for your unhappiness on someone else, on someone in your life or someone whose played a big part of negative feelings that were brought on.

Someone could’ve contributed to your unhappiness here or could’ve hurt you or caused you a lot of harm or trouble and I see you blaming them or trying to hold them accountable but you’re not paying attention to the part you played in all this by staying here longer than you were meant to, or by continuing to give them your attention or your forgiveness, or whatever it is that you did that prolonged or enabled their behavior in some way shape or form. Spirit wants you to know that there are so many things within this life that you can have. You may have the mindset that after this specific thing that you’re letting go of or losing that there will be nothing more for you or that you will no longer be able to accept anything more. I can hear someone believing that because things around them have been negative that thats all their capable of having in life and that’s untrue. You’ve built a habit of your discomfort. I hear, “you’ve grown to hate life as you know it not life itself.”

Spirit wants you to know that this person was in your life or you had to repeat this cycle so many times or you had to experience this pain and discomfort so many times or have this person continue to hurt you or harm you repeatedly for you to learn a lesson so you could grow. It’s up to you to see the purpose in it all and turn it into something you can take something from so you can improve your life, improve who you are and learn the lesson you weren’t meant to learn, squash this cycle and be done once and for all. You may feel like people are judging you. You may feel as though you’re confused and you’re confusing others. Spirit is telling you to make up your mind. I hear “you can’t choose your consequences but you can choose your choices” tread lightly here and be careful. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity and you don’t seem to understand that about this person, relationship, or situation. Stop letting this person in or letting this situation continue to cause you harm.

All of these delays, all of this frustration, all of this pain, and not being where you truly desire to be or having what you truly desire in life or from others has a lot to do with your inability to let go and find acceptance in this situation and move forward. Let go. So that things can begin opening up for you and you can have room for the things you really want in life. Your spirit guides, your higher self knows what you want and where you want to go and it’s time for you to step into that so you can be on the same page. Spirit says that they understand you feel stuck, that you’re tired, or in deep contemplation about a lot right now but it’s time for you to move. “You have to move.” It’s time for you to move on and move forward. You have to grow. Tie up those loose ends, close the door on this person, stop giving them access to you, allowing them to be your friend, allowing them to continue coming in and out of your life or hanging around in your space or in your energy as they please. It’s not benefiting you you’re just grasping for stability so you don’t feel unsafe.

You know you’re unhappy, you know this situation is making you unhealthy or affecting you in more ways than one, you know this relationship struggled or wasn’t working out the way it should’ve. Find acceptance.

Advice 📝:

Practice giving to yourself, being generous to yourself, showing yourself grace, forgiveness and kindness and stop giving them access to your energy, your love, your support.

Sit down and be honest with yourself about this relationship, how you feel, about this person. Sit down and become clear about what you want and what you need. Write it down. Something about limerence feels significant here. You may be not being realistic about this person, about how incompatible you two really are, about how this person makes you feel, etc.

Release your control. Trust in the universe. You’re so worried that there isn’t more out there for you, you’re so worried about the fact that this situation is falling about and things are shifting beneath you. None of that is your concern truly because your spirit guides have their hand and in all your experiences. Life is happening for you not to you.

Reconnect with your inner divine feminine. You have some symptoms of a wounded divine feminine. You could have expressed a desire to be more feminine or to delve into your feminine energy but you probably went about it the wrong way. It’s more than hair and makeup, body lotion, and signature perfume fragrances it begins from within. There are thing within you that need to be healed it’s for you to start doing some shadow work.

Spirit is bringing up again for you to cut out the indecisiveness and become clear on your wants and needs.

#self love #self care #self improvement #self discovery #self expression #healingjourney #dream girl #self healing #pick a card #tarot readings #tarot reading #what you need to hear

[here4theheartbreak]

Sick Puppy (LotP ch.9)

Relationships: Bangchan x Changbin   Genre: smut | angst w/ a happy ending | werewolf au   Rating: Explicit     Chapter Word Count: ~6.9k   Tags (not all tags apply to all chapters; these are full fic tags): DD:DNE, Smut,  Friends to Lovers, Werewolf AU, Angst w/ a happy ending, Fluff, Werewolf Bang Chan, Idolverse, Minor Violence, Side Pairing Felix/Minho, Bickering, Bottom Changbin, Top Chan, Werewolf Smut, Knots

Summary: Secrets are hard to keep from those we love. This was a fact that Chan  knew all too well. He loved his members and he shared every piece of  himself with them - except the biggest, and most vital. Chan was cursed.  ​   A/N: Fic will be updated Monday/Tuesdays as schedule allows; Please note that fic will include smut while member is in wolf form; he is still sentient and able to communicate, which is the reason for the dead dove tag; please do not proceed if not comfortable with this.     Read on AO3! | Read on Asian Fanfics

Weeks turned into months as the group worked on end of year shows and prepared for new releases. Chan felt fifteen years older than he really was most nights, and the rest of the group wasn’t much better.

Though he and Changbin still spent most nights together, they rarely had the energy to go out, or even do more than cuddle up and fall asleep together. Even his wolf felt the exhaustion; the past two changes resulted in little more than a trot around the clearing and then curling up in the tent with Changbin and sleeping until morning.

To make matters worse, the physical exhaustion and stress made the members more susceptible to whatever illness happened to be floating through the company. Nobody was surprised when they started falling sick with the run of symptoms – stuffy noses, sore throats, high fevers. Felix and Minho caught it first, followed closely by Hyunjin and the rest of the vocal line, and finally the rappers ended up down for the count. Changbin and Jisung bounced back faster than Chan, who’d already run his body into the ground despite his group’s protests.

 “Channie?” Changbin’s voice was blessedly soft, but the light from the cracked door still sent a spike of pain through Chan’s head. He burrowed further under the blanket, groaning when the movement made his legs ache.

He heard the door creak open further and then shut, and Changbin’s footsteps. “Hey, come on, you should try to eat something, baby,” Changbin coaxed, lightly touching his arm.

“Can’t keep it down,” Chan rasped, his vocal cords aching as they sandpapered against each other.

“Fair enough, but you haven’t eaten for two days. At least try a little? Minho made soup, it’s delicious. We strained out most of the chunks, so it’s mostly just broth.”

There was a soft thunk as he set a bowl down and the bed shifted with his weight. “Chan…” Changbin’s voice was soft enough now that Chan had to hold his wheezing breath to hear him. “Tonight’s the last night of the full moon. How’s your wolf?”

Chan whined softly, his body aching all at once at the reminder.

“Pissed off.” He rasped. “I have to change tonight, I can’t hold it back.”

The previous moon he’d waited until the last minute, finally freeing his wolf only halfway through the final night of the moon, and holding him back again was out of the question. His fighting against Chan’s restraints was worsening the illness, he knew.

“I have to change tonight,” he repeated.

“They aren’t gonna let you leave the dorm, Chan,” Changbin worried. He gently slipped under the covers, wrapping an arm around Chan’s middle. “And you’re burning up, Christ. How will your wolf manage this sickness?”

“No idea,” Chan whispered. “He’s never been sick.”

“You mean you’ve never changed with a cold?”

Chan shook his head. “I’m normally pretty healthy; my wolf makes my immune system tough – I can take a lot more than the average human.”

Changbin sighed. “Well this cold is kicking your ass. And I’m sure your wolf won’t like it much either.”

They laid in silence for a moment. Despite the warmth of the blankets and Changbin’s body, Chan began to shiver, whining softly. “It’s getting close to night, isn’t it?” He croaked.

“Sunset is in a few hours, yeah. We’ve gotta figure something out.” He pressed his lips to the back of Chan’s neck. “First we’ve gotta get this fever down. Come on.” He sat up and pulled the blankets off Chan. Chan whined and curled up tighter, putting his arms over his head.

“Come on, I want you in the bath. If you don’t get this down, you’re gonna need a hospital. And I doubt you want to wolf out in front of a nice nurse.”

Chan groaned. He knew Changbin was right, but the thought of moving was agony. Despite his body’s protests, he let Changbin pull him upright and strip his sweat soaked shirt. “Do you have a headache?” Changbin asked.

Chan nodded, wincing and touching his head at the movement. “Yeah,” he rasped.

“Okay. Sit here and try to sip at your soup. I’m gonna get the bath ready so the water sound doesn’t hurt your head.” Changbin helped him back into a sitting position on the bed.

Chan looked up, watching him go. His heart skipped a beat, a gentle peace cutting through the pain of his illness. Despite the jokes they all made about Changbin being a child, helpless, goofy – he was perfect. He knew how to care for the sick members, and just what to say and do to make them feel better. He may be the comedian in their group, but he was just as much of a protector and caretaker as Minho and Chan were, in his own way. He would have to thank Changbin for this when he felt better, and tell his mom she raised a damn good son.

 Changbin returned a few minutes later. He glanced at the bowl. “Any luck?”

“A sip or two,” Chan whispered. Changbin nodded. “We’ll rewarm it when you’re done and try again.” He helped him up and to the bathroom. Another door creaked open.

“How’re you doing?” Jisung asked, his own voice still a little raspy.

“Horrible,” Chan responded, though most of it was a near silent whisper. Jisung grunted, and Chan could imagine his wince despite his eyes being closed.

“High fever,” Changbin answered. “Need to get it down.”

“Do you want me to call the manager?” Jisung worried. “He’s at his personal apartment, but he’s feeling better – he can drive him…”

“No,” Changbin said quickly. “I’ll get the fever down. If not, we’ll give him a call. I don’t want him to risk getting sicker too.”

“Okay.” Jisung shut his door again and Changbin tugged Chan into the bathroom. He pulled his boxers off, and Chan chuckled tiredly.

“What?”

“Now is not the time for a blowjob,” he joked.

Changbin laughed, shaking his head. “I agree completely. Come on, you’re starting to get delusional.” He helped Chan into the water.

Chan yelped, trying to jump out of it. “It’s cold!” He shouted, his voice cracking.

“Yeah, that’s the point,” Changbin said, easily keeping him in it. “It’s actually lukewarm but you’re hot enough to cook an egg on your damn skin, you need to cool off.”

Chan whined in protest, but let Changbin push him into the water. He pulled his knees up and hugged them, shivering. “You hate me, don’t you?”

“Whatever you say, baby,” Changbin said. Chan hid his face in his arms. A wet cloth brushed along his back and shoulders, down his arms and ribs, cooling his body.

“Your mom,” Changbin said after a while.

“What?” Chan swallowed the small amount of saliva in his mouth, wincing at the tiny dagger feeling as he did.

“We should call your mom. Your whole family are wolves, right? Surely one of them has been sick during a change. I bet she could give us tips on how to manage it or what to expect.”

Chan thought for a moment, struggling past the fog clouding his mind. He nodded. “Probably, yeah. But… I can’t change, they won’t let me leave.”

“Then we’ll change here,” Changbin said.

Chan looked up, ignoring the pain in his head as he did. “Are you crazy?!” He rasped, his voice breaking and going silent from the volume.

Changbin shook his head, setting a hand on Chan’s shoulder. “Relax.” He continued to run the cloth over his overheated skin as he spoke. “It makes the most sense. Nobody wants to come into your room right now because you’re sick, right? I’ll make sure nobody does. We can hang a blanket between your bed and the closet area that blocks off the floor, and you can change there. I doubt your wolf will be wanting to run circles through a field or hunt bunnies with how sick you are so… I say we check with your mom, make sure it’s possible and will be safe, then plan to let you change here.”

Chan looked at him, fear knotting his stomach worse than the flu had. “It’s dangerous,” he whispered.

“I know.” Changbin stroked the cool cloth over his cheeks and forehead. “I know it is. But you need to be safe too. Let me take care of you.”

Chan grimaced, chewing his bottom lip. Changbin was right. If he tried to take him anywhere but the hospital, the company and members would lose their minds – for good reason. And saying they were taking him to the hospital would definitely require their manager getting involved.

“We’ll ask my mom,” Chan finally relented. Changbin nodded. He pressed his forearm to Chan’s forehead, sighing.

“Seems like you’re a little cooler. Stay in here a little longer, okay? I want to change your bedding. No offense, but you kind of stink.”

Chan laughed a little at that and nodded. “I’m not surprised,” he croaked.

Changbin pressed a kiss to his temple and rose, dropping the cloth in the tub before leaving. Chan let himself stretch out, the water feeling less frigid now that he’d been sitting in it for a while. He rested his head on the back of the tub, closing his eyes and letting the water lap over his skin. His wolf was restless, his bones aching deep down in a way that the flu couldn’t do.

“We’ll figure it out,” Chan whispered. He wrapped his arms around his chest, willing his wolf to settle, just for a while longer. He’d changed in a house before, that wasn’t the concern, really. He used to routinely change in his parents’ house before going to run as a child. But his wolf hated being constrained. The idea of forcing an animal as large as he was in one small room for the entirety of his shift – it was more likely to get someone’s throat ripped out than to succeed. But Changbin had good points, and with his illness it would likely be easier to manage. That and, realistically, this was Changbin. He would rather die than raise a hand or paw to that man in any aggressive manner.

 Chan had nearly drifted to sleep when the bathroom door opened. “Got your bedding changed,” Changbin said softly. He helped Chan to his feet and took a moment to dry him off. They walked back to the bedroom and Changbin helped him into clean boxers before settling him back into bed.

“I also rewarmed the soup. Please try some?” He pressed, sitting next to him and grabbing the bowl. Chan grimaced at the strong smell.

“Changbin—” He whined.

“Five bites,” Changbin pressed, offering the spoon. Chan sighed again. He took the bowl and spooned up a bit of broth, carefully blowing on it before swallowing it. Changbin grinned, pleased.

Chan rolled his eyes but continued, managing four bites before his stomach started rolling in warning. He shook his head, passing the bowl back to Changbin. “I can’t.”

Changbin sighed heavily but nodded. “Well, it’s better than nothing.” He set the bowl aside. “I’ll dig up some ginger ale or water for you here in a minute. Let’s call your mom, will she be awake?”

Chan nodded. “Just two hours difference.” He unlocked his phone and found his mom’s contact, calling her on video. He knew with the way he sounded, seeing his mouth move would be far easier to understand than just audio. She picked it up after just a few rings, smiling brightly.

“Chris, how are things?” Her smile faded quickly. “Oh, honey, you look horrible.”

Chan chuckled and nodded. “I feel awful,” he croaked.

Changbin leaned into the frame and waved. “Hi ma’am.”

“Oh, hello Changbin. What’s wrong? You sound terrible, you shouldn’t be talking.”

“I needed to call,” Chan croaked out, his voice fading faster. He winced, looking at Changbin for help. Changbin nodded. He took the phone and Chan leaned out of frame, coughing hard.

“Sorry for calling,” Changbin said, rubbing Chan’s back. “But we’ve got a bit of a problem.”

“What’s the matter? How can I help?” She asked. Chan leaned back on the bed, rubbing the sides of his throat.

Changbin glanced at him, worry clear in his eyes. Chan nodded. He hadn’t told his parents yet about Changbin knowing their secret, and Changbin knew as well has he did that it was a big deal. Changbin nodded back. He looked at the phone.

“It’s… It’s the last night of the full moon,” he said softly.

Her smile wavered then returned, though it no longer met her eyes. “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Chan coughed again. “He knows, ma,” he rasped. Her smile dropped completely this time, and Chan grimaced at the anger in her expression. “Christopher…”

“Yell at me later,” Chan said quickly. He coughed again, the strain on his throat finally becoming too much. “Please,” he managed between hacks.

Changbin gently rubbed the back of his neck. “I know it’s a big deal,” Changbin said. “And I’m sorry we had to tell you this way. I’ve known for a while, I haven’t told. I’d never. But he’s sick, really sick, and he hasn’t changed yet. Last month we were busy through the full moon, so he couldn’t change until the last day, and only for a few hours, I don’t think he can manage to hold his wolf back this time.”

“No, he can’t, it’s possible, but not if you want any sort of control over the animal.” She sighed. “He wasn’t supposed to tell humans.”

“I know. And he didn’t tell me on purpose,” Changbin said. “Not at first. He had to change one night, to save me from another one. Another wolf. Please. I know you’re upset and you have every right to be, but I need to know how to take care of him like this.”

She sighed again. “Can you two get to the woods?”

Changbin shook his head. Chan leaned closer to him, cuddling up to Changbin’s side now that his coughing fit had faded. He didn’t trust his voice to say anything. He rested his head on Changbin’s chest, comforted when he wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “We can’t. This flu has been bouncing around both dorms and everyone has had it, Chan is the worst. Even our managers have it. We’re all locked down. The only way I’m getting him out without a big issue is if it’s to go to the hospital, and that means we have to call the manager, they won’t let me take him alone.”

“That’s a problem.”

“I know. His room locks,” Changbin said. “I know it’s not a good idea to change indoors like this but… Is it possible? Just this once?”

“How do you feel about it, Chan? How’s your wolf?” She asked.

Chan swallowed the daggers in his throat again, wincing. “He’s tired. Pissed, but tired. I think it’s possible. I’m worried about Changbin,” he croaked.

“Don’t worry about me,” Changbin argued. He squeezed Chan’s shoulder gently.

“He’s got reason to worry, Changbin,” his mother said. “Have you seen him? Really seen what he is?”

“Yes ma’am.” Changbin held Chan firmly. “I’ve been with him the past four changes. We’ve been in the woods together the whole night through all of them.”

“Then you should realize it. He is a wild animal. As much as he is my son, and I love him, he isn’t entirely human. Do you own animals, Changbin? Dogs specifically?”

“No, I’m allergic.” He paused when she frowned and he laughed. “At this point I’ve nearly bought stock in allergy medication, yeah, I use a lot of it.”

She chuckled softly, making a sympathetic noise when Chan laughed, only to fall into another fit of coughing. She sighed.

“Well, if you know anything about animals at all, when they’re hurt or sick they are far more dangerous. He could kill you easily if he lost control of the animal side of himself, and being sick it is far more likely that he will lose that control.”

“I understand.”

She scowled, looking between Chan and Changbin. Chan lowered his gaze, his cheeks warming under her gaze. She was trying to figure out what was going on between them, he knew, and he also knew if he said too much, she’d figure it out in a heartbeat. While what she was saying was true – he is far more dangerous as a wolf – his wolf would never kill Changbin. Hurt him by accident, snap, try to turn him – all possibilities. But he’d never kill his mate.

“Do you, Changbin?” She asked softly, her voice firm.

“Yes, ma’am.” Changbin kept his voice steady, though Chan could feel the tension in his body.

“Will it hurt me?” Chan croaked. “To change sick?”

“Less than not changing,” she said. “You’ll feel crappy, and you’ll struggle to keep a hold of your wolf. He’ll feel just as bad – worse possibly – because human germs aren’t meant to be housed in animal bodies. If you’re this sick, it’s something his immune system can’t fight off either, which isn’t a good sign. But it won’t kill you or him, and it likely won’t change much about the illness. Your father—” She paused, looking at Changbin.

He nodded. “Yeah, I know about the family,” he said, seeming to understand her hesitation. She sighed, her mouth forming a fine line.

“Christopher…”

“Mom,” Chan pleaded. “Please, I promise I’ll explain when I feel better.” He croaked. “Please just talk to him. He knows everyth—” his voice broke and he coughed hard, curling up next to Changbin and groaning sadly into his side. Changbin’s arm squeezed tighter, rubbing his shoulder.

“I got you,” he murmured softly. “Please, anything you can offer to help with tonight. It’s already nighttime, he’s hurting, I’m sure.”

“His father has had to change while sick. The best thing to do is keep him calm and relaxed. If you have sleeping pills or painkillers that he can take before changing, that would be helpful.” She paused. “Don’t let him bite you, Changbin.”

“It won’t turn me or anything, right?” He chuckled nervously. “I didn’t think it was that easy.”

“No, it won’t turn you, but he shouldn’t get a taste of your blood. Things… Could happen.”

Chan looked up quickly, his eyes widening. “Ma—” He croaked, coughing again. “Don’t start.”

“You know it’s a risk, Chris. It’s not fair that you haven’t warned him.”

“Well no,” Changbin said quickly. “He’s been really open about everything I asked. I found out by accident and he was really good about making sure I wasn’t scared and understood why I needed to keep it quiet. He probably told me and I forgot.”

Her eyes narrowed, and Chan felt his cheeks warming. He took in a rasping breath, ready to explain when she spoke.

“Tasting the blood of someone can cause the wolf to want to breed with whoever that is.”

Chan winced at the abrupt tone. “Mom—” He groaned.

Changbin chuckled. “Right,” he said in a lilting voice. “He did tell me that. I totally forgot.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Not something we’ve dwelled on. You know the… Mating thing.” He chuckled again, and Chan suddenly wished the bed would open and swallow him whole.

“I see,” his mother said, and he could fee her eyes on him even though was looking anywhere but at the phone screen. “Well,” she said with a sigh. “He’ll likely be okay. It’s dangerous, and I don’t like it, but… It has to be done. Please keep me informed, okay? About how he’s doing. And if he does get out of hand, call me immediately. Or if he bites you.”

Changbin nodded. “Of course. Thank you.”

“And do not – under any circumstances – do not let someone walk into that room.”

“I won’t.” Changbin’s tone was firm. “I won’t let his secret out. You can trust me.”

“I hope we can. This is more than just Christopher’s secret you’re holding here.”

“I understand. We’ll go now, I want to hunt for those pills and help get the room ready for the change, I’ll let you know once he’s shifted and settled.”

She nodded. “Chris?”

Chan looked up, hoping to keep his expression measured. “Yeah?”

“We’re going to have a long talk after you start feeling better, understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled, feeling chastised.

“But I hope you feel better. Try not to wear Changbin out too much, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Chan promised.

“I love you, honey.”

“Love you, mom.”

Changbin hung up the phone and set it aside, puffing out his cheeks as he exhaled quickly. “Well that was intense,” he mumbled.

Chan laughed, earning another coughing fit. He sat up and blew his nose, groaning softly. “She knows we’re dating, one hundred percent.”

“You think?”

“That look said it all,” he muttered. “I just hope she doesn’t tell my dad before I get a chance to explain it to her.”

Changbin sat up and rested his chin lightly on Chan’s shoulder. “I’m here, okay? No matter how they respond. They’re really mad about you telling me, huh?”

Chan nodded. “Not supposed to say anything except to a mate. A mate that you know is going to be the one.”

Changbin’s lips curled into a smile as he pressed them against the side of Chan’s neck. “Does that mean I’m your one?”

Chan snorted. “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” he rasped, coughing.

Changbin gasped, pulling away. “Well fine, if you want to be that way,” he cried, mocking offense. He rose and stomped out of the room, still careful to close the door quietly. Chan laughed softly, shaking his head. He laid back down, curling himself into a ball under the covers. His wolf was gnashing at the mental restraints he had in place, forcing his body to try and start the change despite his struggling against it. It wouldn’t be long before he’d be fully unable to resist, and then everyone in the dorm ran the risk of being in danger.

 Changbin returned after a few minutes with a bottle of water. When Chan sat up, he placed three pills in his hand. “Drink.”

“What are they?”

“A Benadryl, and aspirin, and a melatonin. We don’t have any sleeping medication, but I hoped the melatonin would do something, and I know Benadryl can knock you out, so… here’s hoping it works for a wolf too.”

“Or at least calms him,” Chan agreed.

“Move over to your chair, I want to set up our little hideaway.”

Chan took the medication and moved to his desk, resting his head in his palm as he watched Changbin.

He stripped the comforter of the bed and folded it up to fill the floor space between the bed and the wall far from the door. Next he dropped the pillows down in the space, taking a moment to fluff them. He then draped the sheet across the space, tying it to the bed and a coat hook on the wall, making a barrier that hid the spot from the doorway.

“Should be big enough for you,” Changbin said.

“It should be. But… What about my turning? My yelling.”

“Music.” Changbin moved across the bed and went to the television, turning it on and finding Chan’s music app. He turned it up and stepped out of the room, shutting the door. He returned a few seconds later and turned it up further, repeating the action until he was satisfied.

“Should cover most of it. You’re hoarse as hell anyways, so hopefully you won’t make too much noise.”

Chan snorted. “Comforting,” he grumbled.

“Come on.” Changbin helped him up. They stood for a moment, chest to chest. “Hey…”

Chan met his gaze and Changbin smiled softly. “You trust me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“I’ll keep you safe.” Changbin kissed his mouth before stepping back. “Go ahead and strip, then hide out. I’ll stay at the door to make sure nobody comes in.”

Chan nodded. He stripped his boxers off and crawled across the bed into the little hideaway spot Changbin had created for them. He curled up on the warm blankets and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he allowed his wolf forward, praying he wouldn’t be too aggressive.

 The change was agony, his already aching muscles being forced to stretch into new and unnatural positions. The bones realigning were the least of his concerns as his stomach rolled and shifted in a way he worried would make him lose what little content it had. He tried to shout, but his throat was too sore and hoarse to make much more than a weak whimper.

When the shift was finished, Chan laid still, whining softly. His entire body ached in new ways, and the smell of everything was enough to make him nauseous. He should have told Changbin to bring a bucket in in case he puked. Opening his eyes was agony, the shifting array of colors and patterns with the heightened wolf’s vision was enough to send spears of pain through his brain.

The music shut off, blissful silence filling the room. “Channie?” Changbin asked. He heard the bed creak. He cracked one eye, looking up at Changbin and whining softly.

“Oh Chan,” Changbin whispered. “Can I come down?”

Chan wanted to answer, but moving hurt far too much. Instead he only whined again, curling himself into a tighter ball.

Changbin stripped his shirt and sweats off before lowering himself down and curling around Chan as best he could. He gently stroked the fur between his eyes, the touch soothing despite the aches in his body. Chan whimpered.

“I know, you probably hurt a lot. I wish I could help more.” He kissed Chan’s cheek, nuzzling close to him. “I’m gonna call your mom, okay? Just to let her know you changed and how it is.”

He shifted over. Chan kept his eyes shut, his ears flattening at the agonizingly loud ringtone.

“Chris? Changbin?”

“We’re here,” Changbin said softly. He lowered the volume on the phone when Chan’s mother answered. “He shifted, seems like he’s in a lot of pain, but he’s calm,” Changbin explained.

Chan opened his eyes a little, seeing his mother on the screen. He whined softly in greeting.

She tsked. “Oh, honey, you sound terrible. Did you find medication?”

“Yeah, I gave him some of my allergy meds – they can make me a little drowsy so I hoped that would help. And some painkillers.” He shifted away, sneezing into his elbow.

“Oh, you aren’t getting sick too?”

“No, I’ve already had it, this is just my dog allergy,” Changbin explained, squeezing the bridge of his nose.

Chan whined, pawing lightly at him in apology.

His mother smiled softly. “You’re kind to do this with an allergy. Will anyone come in?”

Changbin shook his head. He angled the phone up to show the makeshift fort. “We’ve got the sheet hiding him, and I locked the door. Only Jisung and Hyunjin are here right now and I let them both know I’d be in here tonight with Chan and not to come by, since he wasn’t feeling well and I wanted to make sure he got enough rest. The door is locked too, just in case.”

“Good, that’s something… I don’t like it but it seems like you’re doing the best you can. Keep me updated if anything changes, okay? I’m going to bed, but I’ll have my phone near me and the ringtone on, so it’ll wake me.”

“We will,” Changbin assured her. “I’m going to just lay with him, hopefully he’ll get some rest and feel better in the morning.”

Chan whined in agreement, raising his head slowly.

“You look exhausted, honey. Sleep well,” she said.

Chan whined hoarsely, snuffling. He lowered his head back down and curled tighter around himself, tucking his tail over his nose.

“Goodnight,” Changbin said.

“Goodnight, boys.”

The phone clicked off and Changbin set it under the bed. He curled around Chan again, stroking down his back. “I’m here,” Changbin murmured against his fur. “You can rest, Chan.”

Chan felt his muscles unclenching, the aches slowly fading into the background. Everything still hurt, and his entire body was hot, but Changbin’s soothing voice and the gentle brush of his hand down his back was having a calming effect. That, and likely the medication, Chan knew – but it was all Changbin’s doing. He smiled to himself as sleep began to cloud his mind.

Someone to take care of him like this, lay with him on the floor, pet him and whisper to him, feed him… he had someone like that now. It was always a pipe dream, a fairytale… And here Changbin was. Chaotic and loud and pushy – and quiet and gentle and loving. Chan sighed softly. His dream wasn’t so farfetched after all, maybe.

 ***

 Chan woke the next morning entirely drenched in sweat. Changbin was pressed tightly against him, snoring softly with his stuffy nose. Chan carefully unwound from his arms and sat up, stretching and grimacing. He still had aches and his head hurt, but he didn’t feel like his skull was going to crack open. He also didn’t feel like every move was going to make him puke up his entire stomach.

“Chan?” Changbin’s voice was thick with sleep.

“Yeah, just me.”

“How’re you feeling?” Changbin asked. He rubbed his eyes, yawning and stretching.

“A little better,” Chan said. His voice was still mostly gone, but the daggers when he swallowed seemed like they were a little duller. “Hungry,” he admitted.

“You and me both. Lemme take a piss and I’ll order us breakfast.” Changbin sat up, his hair a curly mess. Chan smiled, reaching out and patting it down.

“Thank you for staying with me.”

“We should call your mom, let her know you made it through the shift okay.” He crawled up onto the bed and checked the door. “Still locked, nobody came in,” he said.

Chan nodded. “I’ll call her while you’re in the bathroom.” He rose slowly, using the bed to balance as the wooziness from the sickness and his lack of food hit him. He laid down and groaned, pouting.

“What?” Changbin asked.

“My bed is stripped and I want my blanket.” Chan whined.

Changbin laughed. “Jesus, you’re the leader and you sound like a damn child,” he complained. He went over and untied the sheet from the bed and coat hook, tossing it to Chan.

Chan made a small noise of happiness, pulling it over him and wrapping himself in it. He scowled then. “Where’s my phone?”

“Good God,” Changbin groaned. He leaned down and grabbed the phone, tossing it onto the bed. “Anything else, Your Highness?”

Chan pouted, sticking his bottom lip out and giving his best puppy dog eyes. Changbin scowled in response, his mouth thinning.

“What?”

“Don’t yell at Channie,” he whined. “I’m sick.”

“Ugh!” Changbin groaned. He grabbed a pillow from the floor and smacked Chan in the head with it. Chan laughed hoarsely, sitting up and fluffing it behind his head as Changbin stormed out of the room.

He called his mother, still chuckling at his boyfriend’s dramatic exit.

“Chris? You doing okay?” She asked as soon as she answered. Chan nodded.

“I’m okay, feeling better,” he rasped.

“Your voice certainly doesn’t sound much better.”

“No,” he cleared his throat, “but my body isn’t as achy, and I’m hungry, so that’s good. I haven’t eaten much lately.” He coughed. “Changbin is gonna get us food.”

“Is he there now?”

Chan shook his head. “He went to the bathroom. He stayed with me all night. And the door stayed locked, so nobody came in. And I didn’t bite him. My wolf was really sick too, he just wanted someone to cuddle with.”

Her mouth thinned. “Somehow, I feel like even if you had bitten him… Wouldn’t have caused much of a change, would it have, Christopher?”

Chan lowered his gaze, heat rushing over his face.

“How long?” She asked.

“Mom, I was gonna tell you,” he whispered. When she didn’t answer, he sighed, coughing. “A few months. A couple weeks after he found out about what I am.”

“Chris…”

“I didn’t bite him. It wasn’t because of my wolf. Honestly, he… He was scared of me at first.” He whispered. The memory of their first few weeks, the pain of Changbin’s fear, the ache of loneliness, came flooding back, souring Chan’s stomach.

“What happened?” She asked.

Chan explained the night Changbin had discovered his wolf, the circumstances and the week following. He brushed over some of their more intimate situations, explaining only that they ended up talking through it and realizing that the feelings they had had were mutual prior to finding out the truth.

“I never meant for it to turn into this, mom.” Chan whispered. “My wolf…  I--… We’ve seen him as our second since debut. Before debut, really. I wasn’t going to let it escalate. But that fear – I couldn’t let him be scared of me, and I couldn’t hide how I felt.”

“This is dangerous, Chris.”

“I know it is.”

“And he’s been running with you? In the woods? As a human? What if he gets hurt?”

“I told him not to. Especially now with snow on the ground. But he’s stubborn.” He chuckled. “He refuses to let me be alone. He’s said I spent too long alone, with no one to share my secret. He’s determined to make sure I don’t feel that way anymore.”

Chan felt his nose beginning to burn as he spoke, his eyes blurring. “Mom, I—”

“I know,” she whispered. “I could see it last night between you two. I wish you’d told me earlier, Chris.”

“I didn’t know how you’d take it. You didn’t know I was into guys…”

“Yes, I did. I’m not as naïve as you think, son.”

Chan looked at her, frowning. “Really?”

“I’ve known for a while. I didn’t expect it to be him, honestly, but… I was waiting for some confession.”

“Who did you think?” Chan asked, chuckling.

“Oh well, you know.” She smiled. “Felix, honestly.”

Chan laughed hard, sending him into another fit of coughing. “Lix? No, God… I love him but it’s brotherly. He’s got someone anyways. I’m happy for them.”

“And I want to be happy for you, son,” she said. “You and Changbin used to fight like cats and dogs.”

“We still do.”

“But you’ve always been close with him in that special way. I should have seen it, probably.” She sighed, leaning the phone against something and steepling her fingers under her chin. “Are you going to turn him?”

“No.” Chan said immediately. “No, I’m not going to risk him.”

“It’s not entirely your decision, you know. If Changbin wants it…”

“He knows it’s too dangerous,” Chan said, shaking his head. “I can’t—"

“Your wolf wants a mate.”

“He’s got one. I’ve got one. Changbin is our mate.”

“And that works for now, but it won’t forever. He’ll want more out of Changbin. More than he can provide as a human. A packmate. Someone to run with – someone who doesn’t slow you down on two legs.”

Chan grimaced, hating that she was right. He loved Changbin being with him during his shifts, but he did miss running free, chasing down rabbits and rushing through the brush, wind tickling his fur.

“Just be aware of that. Before you get too deep with him. Wolves and humans aren’t meant to be together without that sacrifice. That’s how it has always been. It’s why there’s so few of us.”

Chan nodded. “I know.”

“He feels the same though. I can see it. I saw it last night when he was holding you. He isn’t scared of you, or what you embody… He’s in love with you.”

Chan shook his head. “We haven’t gotten that far,” he whispered.

“Oh, but you have, even if you haven’t put it in those specific words. I am happy for you, Chris. I am happy you found someone who makes you feel less alone there.”

Chan smiled softly. “He does. Mom he… He laid with me all night last night. He didn’t have to, he could have slept on the bed. I know he wasn’t comfortable, he was sneezing all night – every month, he puts himself through misery just to be with me.”

“It’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. He probably realizes, even if it’s subconscious, that he’ll have to make a lot more if he wants to stay with you.”

“I don’t want him to sacrifice for me. I want…” Chan drifted off. “I don’t want him to miss things or… Get hurt… Because of what I am.”

“It’s not your decision,” she said. “He’s an adult. He chose this. And he gets to choose what is too much of a sacrifice.” She smiled. “If last night is anything to go by… I’d say his limit for too much is pretty far off.”

Chan nodded, his eyes burning with unshed tears once more. “I’m sure it is. He’s never had much self-preservation, the idiot.”

She laughed. “Well, he fell in love with a wolf boy. I’m sure it just comes with the territory.”

Chan laughed, nodding. He swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked the tears away. “Does Dad know?”

“No. I told him about Changbin knowing our secret, and said it was an emergency. He was upset but he’s always liked Changbin, so, he was more trusting. I figured you should be the one to tell him that part.”

“Is he gonna hate me?”

She paused, looking off in thought. “I don’t think so. It’ll take some getting used to, I’m sure. But like I said, he’s always been fond of Changbin. I’m sure he’ll warm up to it faster than you’d realize. Though… I wouldn’t tell him no so abruptly if he asks about changing him. You know how he is about tradition.”

“I know. I’ll be more diplomatic about it with him.”

She nodded. “Good idea. And be more diplomatic about it with Changbin as well. He has a right to know how the change works, and exactly what the risks and rewards are. And he has a right to make the final decision if you two end up getting more serious.”

Chan nodded again. He glanced up, smiling when Changbin entered the room.

“Breakfast will be here in about fifteen,” Changbin said. He came around the side of the bed and waved to Chan’s mom. “I’m bite free,” he said, grinning.

“So I heard. I’m glad for that.” She smiled. “Thank you for taking care of my son, Changbin. Him being so far away during times like this is hard.”

“I’m happy to. I care a lot about him.”

“I know you do. Being a second in a pack is a bit responsibility. He wouldn’t give it to just anyone.”

Changbin glanced at Chan, who smiled softly and nodded. “She knows.”

“Oh—” He smiled sheepishly. “Sorry…” He mumbled. “About the rude way you found out.”

“It happens. Just take care of my boy. And yourself, okay?”

Changbin nodded. “I will.”

“Love you boys.” She said.

“Love you too,” Chan said. She hung up and he set the phone down, lifting the sheet to let Changbin crawl in with him.

“She took it well?” Changbin asked.

“Yeah, surprisingly well, actually,” Chan agreed. He turned, blowing his nose and groaning. “Being sick sucks.”

“It won’t be much longer, probably.”

“How’re the others? Did you see them?”

Changbin nodded. “Hyunjin’s back to normal and Jisung sounds almost normal. His nose is still a little stuffy but his voice is back pretty much, so I think we’re almost all good. I’ll call and check on Minho and the others later today.”

Chan nodded. “Good, thank you.” He nuzzled down under the sheet, leaning on Changbin’s chest. He listened his heartbeat for a moment, closing his eyes. “Changbin?” He murmured.

“Hm?”

“My mom… Wanted me to tell you something.”

“What’s that?”

“Um… About changing. You.”

“Me? I thought it was too dangerous.”

“I think it is. But there might come a time in our relationship where it comes up. And my wolf might want it more than he does right now. And she wanted me to remember that it isn’t my decision. And you deserve to know how it works, and what happens and what might happen.”

“Okay…” Changbin said sofly.

“Wolves are traditional, you know? Humans aren’t meant to mate with my kind – not without changing. That’s why there’s so few of us, since most don’t want to risk changing a human, or the human doesn’t want to risk it, or the change fails. We don’t have to be traditional but… My mom was right. It’s not my decision. So… If our relationship progresses to that point, you know.”

“We’ll talk about it when you’re better,” Changbin said. He wrapped an arm around Chan’s shoulders. “I want to know, and I’ll listen. It should be a thing we discuss together. We’ll wait until you don’t sound like a dying bullfrog though, okay?”

Chan laughed, slapping his stomach lightly. “Jerk.”

“I’m not wrong.”

“Hey, I’m sick, you aren’t allowed to bully me.”

“Whatever you croak, bullfrog.”

Chan groaned, smacking him again as he laughed.

It was a serious discussion, changing and how it worked. But Chan trusted Changbin to listen and make the right decision in the long run, if they did get to that point. The thought of them not getting to that point though… That was potentially far more agonizing in Chan’s mind.

#kvanity #wkcnet #straykidsland #binchan #changbin fic #werewolf au #chan fic

[misunderstoodxmike]

ᴛᴜʀɴɪɴɢ ᴛᴀʙʟᴇs || sᴇʟғ-ᴘᴀʀᴀ

             the last twenty-four hours honestly didn’t feel real, no matter how many times that he replayed in his head.  he even wondered if he really developed a version of stockholm syndrome.  they didn’t even want to leave each other’s side. If it wasn’t for the fact that both had unfinished business left to deal with. mike had to go back to pack of a few of his things to stay with cyrus  and see his family and reassure that he was fine. as well as end his relationship with noel.  when that was done, he was supposed to call cyrus so they could make plans.  although he was sure that mostly so cyrus could make it official between them and know that he was safe. either way if things did go south with noel, he was still expected to tell cyrus. the man completely concerns with his wellbeing. normally it bothered him when someone became like that, but the other really did care about him. not to mention that he was head over heels for the other. It was crazy how one event could change everything. mike felt as if he owed cyrus so much for everything that he did. the male made him feel special and like he was the only person in the world.  his thoughts get interrupted when the car pulls up to his house.  the driver steps out to open the door and help him out of the car. cyrus insisting that he is driven home, instructing his staff to treat him like the princess that mike is. which earned him an eyeroll and blush, but mike knew arguing with cyrus was pointless. mike thanked the driver, and looked at his montgomery house with a smile. it was the first time that he had done it in a long time. then again, the last few days were strange. he felt stronger, happier and healthy but most importantly in love.

             mike opened the door, quickly realizing that he was alone by how quiet it was.  he was going to settle in before giving them a call.  maybe a long shower, quick snack and a power snack.  shutting the door behind him, and leaning against the door letting out a breath and smile. his mind thinking of even giving cyrus a quick call to let him know that he got home and see what he was up to. even thinking of the possibility of inviting him over and introducing him to everyone. he began making his way up the stairs when a voice made him jump. ‘you’re just going to walk past your boyfriend and not say anything?’  mike turned his attention to noel who was sitting on the sofa, drink in hand and staring at him.  he froze in place, not expecting to see him for another day or so, giving him a chance to think about what he was going to say and noel a chance to cool down since cyrus had sent him what could only be describe as a professionally shot sex tape where he took mike’s virginity.  he didn’t even want to think about how pissed noel must have been when he seen it. mike walked over to where he was sitting. “listen noel, I di—”  he found himself being cut off by the other male. ‘mike stop right there. I don’t blame you. the only person that I blame is myself because if I had been a better boyfriend, none of this would have happened. I am angry and hurt over what happened but you did what you had to do. I’m just so sorry that it had to play out like that. believe me when I said that I was doing all I could to get you out. I was ready to break you out when I was informed that you had been set free.’  the male got up and walked over to him, caressing his face.  mike avoided eye contact with him, feeling extremely guilty about what he had done and was about to do.  it didn’t help that he was covered in hickey that cyrus gave him. which noel noticed since his hands came up to touch them, rubbing them like he was hoping they would disappear.

           mike tensed up and took a deep breath to relax but it was pointless. the nerves that he had weren’t going anywhere. At least, not until he said what needed to be said.  “I’m sorry too, noel. I think it’s best if we take a bre—”  once again being cut off by noel tilting his head so they were looking into each other. ‘mikey, I know you cheated and I forgive you. I’m no saint either, but I love you so much.’  his words and eyes seeming sincere. ‘I know how cyrus can be, believe me, he probably made it seem like he wants you. although he is only doing it to get to me, and in doing so take you so he can dump you when he’s bored.’  that bothered and anger mike as he was about to defend him when noel started talking again.  ‘there are some people I want you to talk to before you decide what to do. I also want to say one more thing too when they are done. if you decide that you want to break up, I’ll respect it and leave you alone but please, just hear them and me out.’  mike nodded his head.

         three guys seemingly appeared out of nowhere.   It was the least that he owed him for cheating on him. the guys introduced themselves as Steven, James, and David whom were all involved with cyrus. their stories were very similar to each other and his own. they were all drawn in by his charm and good looks. It all started the same, they met him and were drawn to each other. cyrus took them to bed where he made them feel special. that’s where they departed for Steven, the next morning, cyrus was nowhere to be seen. his staff was the one to tell him that he had left and was expecting for him to be gone. cyrus ghosted him afterwards, and never spoke to him again. it seemed that it had all been an act to get into his pants. James had left before cyrus had a chance to, but the male hadn’t been done with him. apparently to woo him, the male had sent him flowers, alcohol and chocolates among other gifts. the male would also make surprise appearances and take him out. It seemed that cyrus wanted more than a one night stand with him. they were on their way to become serious. when cyrus ceased all contact with him. when he went to talk to him, apparent according to james, the male said that he was bored of him. that he shouldn’t have wasted his time with him. the room fell silence. in that moment David started speaking, he was married to a rival of cyrus. they had met when cyrus crashed his husband’s party. Just like everyone else, he fell for the charm. They saw each other in secret with cyrus even convincing him to leave his husband which he did. according to him, they planned to run off in the dark of the night. when David showed up to his place, he heard noises coming from cyrus bedroom. what he walked in was cyrus fucking another guy. david was devastated which led to an argument between them and him being escorted off property by cyrus team. mike thought that he was going to be sick.  They all apologize to him before quickly making their exit. the air around him became thick and difficult to breath. Noel reached out for his hand and pulled him close where mike felt himself start to water up. Before he had a chance to lose himself, noel started to speak. ‘I know that it’s a lot but the pure thought of losing you made me wake up. I promise to be a better boyfriend. I treated you like trash but that ends now. mikey, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I know we are young and stupid, but there isn’t another person I want to be with. I never want to lose you without making you realized how special you are to me, so.. michelangelo oswald montgomery, will you marry me?’ noel said as he got on his knees and pulled out a small box which contained a ring. he felt as if he was going to faint. “I need some time to think about it.” without another word, mike ran upstairs where he slammed the door behind. meanwhile noel got a phone call from someone, and answered in a hushed voice. ‘it’s done, while I am upset that he didn’t say yes, I know he’ll say yes despite what people think I do love him. I’ll be damned if I lose him to that dick. He may have gotten the upper hand on me, that won’t happen again. thank you for the information once again, and don’t worry, you’ll be paid handsomely. I should get going though. I have a wedding to start planning for.’

#cyrus x mike -- 001 (self-para)

[bvckys-doll]

Let me take care of you

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 2.7k

Summary: Bucky broke up with (Y/N) a month ago and she still doesn’t know why. When she decides to visit the HQ for the first time after their break up to get the rest of her stuff, the whole team is out on a mission. (Y/N) is not prepared to meet her ex soon after her arrival. Heavily injured.

Warnings: bloody wound. (Y/N) needs to stitch him up. Blood, duh. Angsty fic with a happy ending!

Author’s note: This one-shot sat in my Bucky folder for too long so now I finally got the chance to post it. Italics is the past. I hope you like it and might leave a comment in the reply section! PLEASE! Take care of yourself, stay safe and healthy! Cosplay the Winter Soldier and PUT ON A FCKING MASK!

You can find my main masterlist here!

It was a strange feeling to walk through the hallways of the headquarters without being able to call it her home. Bucky and (Y/N) had broken off their relationship a month ago and it was still hard to process everything. Normally she wouldn’t be so tense and would walk down the hallway without a bad feeling, but the bad feeling was omnipresent.

After more than a year of their relationship, it was Bucky’s decision to end it. It had happened out of the blue, but he thought it was for the best, as the missions were getting harder and harder each time and Barnes knew that (Y/N) was worried sick.

He had often come home in the evening and found her still awake on the couch. She could not sleep if she knew that the rest of the team was on a risky mission that she could not or was not allowed to participate in.

Bucky loved (Y/N). He still knew that. Yet he had never said it out loud. Bucky knew after the first three months of their relationship that he loved her, but he was too much of a coward to tell (Y/N) the truth. What if she turned him down? What if she thought they were moving to fast? So, Bucky kept it that way and tried to show her his affection in different ways.

But in the end, the former Winter Soldier knew he could no longer keep it from her. So, James chose the simplest method: to let her go. Of course, he knew from the start that (Y/N) wouldn’t just leave. After a year of dating, she wouldn’t just leave if Bucky told her to. She would ask questions, probably cry, and beg him to try again. There was only one option: he would have to break her heart.

~

With a broad smile on her lips, (Y/N) opened the door to her room, while trying not to drop the plate of the fresh cookies she had baked and brought with her.

“Baby, you’re not gonna believe what Sam just said. ” (Y/N) chuckled and put the plate on the coffee table next to the couch when Bucky came out of the bathroom. Before she could speak up again, she paused, and her eyes widened. His eyes were swollen and red. He must have cried. A lot.

“James, what’s going on?” (Y/N) approached him and put her hands on his cheeks. Meanwhile Bucky was clenching his hands in fists to prevent himself from pulling (Y/N) close. The next words that passed his lips would not only break her heart, but also him.

“I want you to go.”

“W-what? I don’t understand. Shall I go down to the living room and leave you alone?” (Y/N) tried to make sense of his words. Another tear ran down Bucky’s cheek. Immediately she wiped it away and watched him anxiously. Slowly, he grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands from his face, whereupon (Y/N) looked at him completely disillusioned.

“I can’t be with you anymore. We are too different” James replied and stepped past her as (Y/N) froze at her place. She couldn’t quite believe what he had just said. Before she could say another word, he continued and pulled the final straw “I don’t love you…and I never loved you. This...was all just a pastime for me to feel a little better after everything that’s happened to me.”

Her back was still turned to him as Bucky saw how (Y/N) now clenched her hands into fists as well and a sob escaped her lips. How he would have loved to take her in his arms. Tell her it was all a lie to protect her. But he didn't. He stood firm and left it at that.

Without another word, (Y/N) turned on her heel and left their shared bedroom, pulling the door shut behind her with a loud bang.

~

Since the confrontation, they hadn't seen each other or exchanged another word. Natasha had packed a few things and left with (Y/N) only a few hours later after the incident. Natasha hadn't spoken a word to him since that day either.

Meanwhile, (Y/N) had been staying in a hotel for the past four weeks because she couldn’t find a new apartment so quickly. In New York it is never easy to find a good apartment and most of them are incredibly expensive. Despite (Y/N)’s constant reluctance, Tony insisted on paying for her accommodation at the hotel because she was one of his best employees.

Most of the time she worked from her hotel room, which Tony fortunately allowed her to do. Still, (Y/N) knew it couldn’t go on like this forever. Sooner or later, she’d see Bucky and the pain would come back.

According to the team’s entries in the system, everyone was on a mission near Rio de Janeiro. No one had told her why and for how long, but she knew they were not back yet. At least, that is what (Y/N) thought.

Since she still had some clothes and other stuff in their old, shared room, (Y/N) wanted to get them before the rest of the team started running around the headquarters again. So, with a moving box under her arm, she made her way to the room where she entered the usual code.

Beep!

Pushing the door open with her hip, (Y/N) groped for the light switch with her free hand. Briefly, (Y/N) squinted her eyes as the bright light illuminated the room. Why did Bucky always leave the curtains closed when he was away?

With a glance around the room, her question was answered.

The room has been left in a great mess. His shirts, shoes and sweatpants were scattered on the floor and his bed looked as if he had just got up. The cushions were either at the foot of the bed or in another corner of the room.

One of the signs for his nightmares. Things that (Y/N) wouldn’t have to deal with anymore.

Murmuring, she made room on his desk and set the box down. The first mission: the wardrobe. One of the doors was already open and one of Bucky’s knives laid on the floor. She opened the other door as well and pulled her clothes and blouses off the hangers before carefully packing them into the box.

Now it came to the sweaters.

To be honest, she sometimes didn’t even remember which ones belonged to her and which ones to Bucky, since she had usually put his shirts on instead of her own.

While (Y/N) was busy with her other t-shirts, Bucky’s red Henley shirt fell into her arms. Sighing, she held the thin, dark red material in her hands and looked at the thin seam. She probably had to mend the shirt five times already.

Suddenly the door of the room opened, and (Y/N) turned around in shock when she saw Bucky standing in the door frame. For a short moment none of them moved and they just stared at each other. (Y/N) was still holding his shirt in her hand before she quickly threw it behind her on the bed.

“What are you doing here?” they asked at the same time before Bucky raised an eyebrow and added a bit abruptly, “I live here. What’s your excuse?”

“I’m just going to get the rest of my stuff. I’ll be gone before you can count to three”, she snorted at his tone “Actually, I was hoping that- …you’re bleeding.”

(Y/N)’s gaze went to his hand, which seemed to squeeze a wound. Not successful, however, because the blood swelled through his fingers. Bucky briefly looked down at himself, pressing his hand further into his side, and gritting his teeth briefly “No shit, Sherlock.”

“Do you think now is the right time to make jokes, Barnes?” (Y/N) growled in a serious tone as Bucky pushed past her towards the bathroom. He got out of his jacket and closed his eyes while gritting his teeth. In the bright light of the ceiling lamp, (Y/N) could see the blood in his hair and the slight scratches on his face. Apparently, it had been a pretty rough mission.

“Why didn’t you go straight to Helen with an injury like that?” (Y/N) watched him throw his leather jacket into the bathtub and then leaned on the edge of the sink. Before James was about to lose consciousness, (Y/N) quickly came up to him and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, while his other hand was still pressing on the wound. He had already lost a lot of blood.

With the last strength James had left in his legs, he made it to his bed with (Y/N)’s help, where he laid down and squeezed his eyes in pain. (Y/N) quickly ran into the bathroom and dug the first aid kit out of the drawer before sitting on the edge of the bed next to Bucky, who was breathing slowly.

“You don’t need to help me” his voice was raspy as his eyelids slowly dropped.

“Hey, you’re staying with me” (Y/N) patted his cheek “Where are the others?”

(Y/N) took the scissors out of the box and used them to cut his shirt open so she could get a better view of his wound. His voice was still raspy as he replied, "There were too many. They surprised us and we weren't prepared for it. Some bastard caught me pushing Steve out of the way. What's he got that stupid shield for if it doesn't even help?"

"Is the bullet still in there?", (Y/N) asked him as she pressed a couple of compresses into his hand so he could use them to stop the bleeding, which was slowly but surely receding. Relieved, (Y/N) slumped her shoulders as he shook his head before replying, "Helen wasn't there and I didn't feel like looking for anyone else. I don't necessarily trust the others. Clint flew me in quickly and then flew right back. I told him the wound was already closing up."

“This lie could have killed you, you know that, right? If I hadn’t been here, you would have collapsed in the bathroom and probably died of blood loss.” (Y/N) answered as she tried to get the thread through the head of the needle, which was not as easy as she thought. Probably it was also because her hands were shaking, which Bucky noticed when he watched (Y/N) “I would have made it somehow.”

But the way (Y/N) looked down at him was enough for him to shut up. Knowing it was a straight lie. And he had to admit that he wouldn’t have cared if it had happened like that. (Y/N) was gone. He had lost her, and that was all his fault.

Attentively James watched her as she prepared everything and checked again and again if the wound was still bleeding heavily. After it had slowly but surely subsided, (Y/N) removed the compress from his stomach and glanced at the gaping wound. Sighing, she took the disinfectant and dripped some onto a cloth before looking at James, who understood immediately before he said “I'm used to the pain, you know that. Don't worry about it. "

“You don't need to play hero here, James. I know how much that it hurts.” (Y/N) muttered, holding the cloth tightly before pressing it to the wound. Briefly, Bucky's chest heaved, and he growled in pain, breaking (Y/N)'s heart in the process, before she finally managed to take the cloth down and throw it away.

Quickly she took some of the numbing gel and smeared it around the wound before looking to Bucky, “I'm stitching it up now as best as I can. I'll have Helen look at it as soon as she gets back.”

Without another word from Bucky, (Y/N) began stitching up his wound. She was still shaking a little, but slowly it was getting better. Finally, she bandaged the wound with a compress and took care of the small scratches on his cheek.

They hadn't been this close in a long time. (Y/N) didn't even notice how she held her breath as she ran the disinfectant over the wounds. Bucky gritted his teeth again for a moment, but his gaze didn't avert from her.

Calmly, she stuck a band-aid over the wound and gave it another quick brush with her thumb as it blurted out of Bucky, "I lied."

Bucky watched her reaction carefully as she removed her hand from his cheek and held his gaze. His gaze wandered to the ceiling, kneading his hands nervously. He added, "When I said you were just a pastime and I didn't love you, I lied. That's not true. "

"Then why do you say such a thing?", (Y/N) asked him in a calm voice that didn't show if she was amazed, sad, or angry. Bucky himself was afraid of any of these reactions.

Desperately, he tried to find the right words "I was worried about you. This life with me could break you. You haven’t slept for weeks because of me. Because you're always so worried about me and while doing so, you forget to take care of you. When I…come back from missions, you're still awake because you want to know that I got home safely. You…you're too good for me and I don't want to destroy you like I've already destroyed everything else around me. I got you-. "

"You've already destroyed me, James. ", (Y/N) interrupted, looking at him with glazed eyes. This was exactly what he tried to avoid. He never wanted to be the reason why she felt bad, but now his worst fear had come true.

"You successfully broke my heart when you told me I was nothing more than a silly pastime you're done with now. I thought that you…I thought that we will go on like this forever. Do you know how happy you've made me? You were the one I could imagine anything with. I never wanted kids. I never wanted to get married, only to get divorced three years later. I never wanted this. But then you came along and showed me that there is a man who could make this all a possibility. A family. A life together. . . "

Tears were streaming down his cheeks when he saw her sitting in front of him throwing all this at his head. He had been such a coward. If he had just talked to her and told her everything, it would never have come to this.

But he was scared. Scared of being rejected again like all the other women did it before. But his (Y/N) wasn’t like them, but he couldn’t bear the thought that she might be.

“I love you, doll. I really do.” Bucky sobbed and wiped the tears from her eyes as (Y/N) looked at him and her eyes were just as swollen as his own before he continued, “I love you more than anything and I-I was stupid because I once again thought only of myself and…and not of the consequences. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. You’re all I have left. ”

Sniffing, (Y/N) looked at the man she loved more than anything. How he lay there on the bed, showing his most vulnerable side. He always appeared so strong in front of everyone so they would not see the real Bucky. But this man was so exhausted by everything that had happened to him. He didn’t want to have those thoughts. These doubts. That fear. He just wanted to live a happy and fulfilled life with (Y/N).

Slowly, she moved closer to him on the mattress and brushed the hair out of his face, which was still a bit sticky because of the blood. Gently, she leaned down to him and embraces him as best she could without touching his wound.

At first, he remained calm, then he wrapped his arms around her center and pulled her into his arms until finally she lay next to him in the bed. The two were sobbing in each other’s arms with (Y/N) running her fingers through his hair. Again, and again.

“I love you, James Barnes. So so much.” (Y/N) muttered as she buried her face in his neck while she was still fondled the back of his head. “But I swear to God, if you do this again, I’ll send Natasha after you and you know what she is capable of.”

“Of course, I know that. I taught her well.” Bucky mumbled while he held her close “I’ll never let you go again. I promise.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #marvel #mcu #own writing #dont repost #one shot #fanfiction #fluff #happy ending #let me take care of you #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes imagine #own gif #giphy

[ddarker-dreams]

Yandere “MBTI”

Disclaimer: The yandere trope is not a portrayal of healthy or ideal relationships, but instead a horror-based genre meant to stick strictly to fiction. 

I was inspired by the MBTI type indicator to make something similar but for yandere characters! I am by no means an expert and it’s mostly just a fun little assessment on the yandere trope because I love personality test stuff. Feel free to send asks giving your own input and ideas!! 

Another preface, I think that yandere as a whole is complex and can’t be simply boiled down to a few terminologies and concepts. In doing so it loses a lot of nuance that’s unique to the trope/genre whatever you’d want to call it. So that being said I view this system to be more of a of how I generally think most yanderes operate, rather than a set of rules that must be followed. I say this because I’d hate to stifle any creativity that doesn’t strictly fall into it! A lot of these mix and match with one another as well, so it isn’t always 100% either-or. 

I’ve seen some of these concepts floating around before and I’m not claiming to be the creator of any of them!! I’m just giving my two cents on stuff I’ve seen before. 

That being said, let’s get started !! Underneath the cut for length.

Cruel vs. Reverent

This preference is how a yandere outwardly and inwardly acts towards their darling. 

Cruel yanderes often belittle their darling. These are the types of yanderes that see their darling as more of a playing than their equal lover, a way to pass the time or enjoy themselves. They test the limits of what their darling can handle, most often than not for their own entertainment and no practical usage. They’re capable of being degrading and sadistic, taking pleasure in whittling down their darling or molding them into something new entirely. How they do so can vary, but most commonly involves inflicting physical or heavy emotional strain. These yanderes are capable of feeling some twisted version of “love”, or feel nothing at all. 

Examples of cruel yanderes include Hisoka from Hunter x Hunter, Izaya Orihara from Durarara, and Rohan Kishibe from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures. 

Reverent yanderes look at their darling as if they’re the entire universe. Even if they do things that make their darling unhappy, they don’t do it just for the sake of making them upset. There’s often a purpose within their own mind that justifies their actions, normally believing that it’s for their darling’s own good. They hold their darling in high regard and do what they can to give their darling the best life possible (within reason). These yanderes are more common. They might even feel a sense of “guilt” for how they’ve negatively impacted their darling psyche, and try to make it up to them in their own way. 

Examples of reverent yanderes include Izuku Midoriya from My Hero Academia, Narancia Ghirga from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures, and Todoroki Shouto from My Hero Academia. 

Questions to ask when characterizing a yandere into either category: 

How do they generally act towards others? Is it different with their darling? 

Is it possible their behavior would change over time? 

What would they be willing to do for their darling?

Aware vs. Delusional

Kinda self explanatory. This is more of a scale of a yandere’s perception of reality. 

Aware yanderes will know that their darling doesn’t love them, and most likely despises them. Or if their darling does love them, that they’re probably not deserving of it due to their immoral actions. It mixes in with a lot of guilt over what they’ve done to their darling, even if they think it’s for the best in the long term. These yanderes don’t fool themselves into believing that they deserve their darling’s love, though they wish they had it. As much as it hurts, they have come to accept it, almost as a self-inflicted punishment for their actions. 

On the other hand, aware yanderes can simply not care that their darling doesn’t love them. This often intermingles with cruel yanderes. What matters most to them is monopolizing their darling’s feelings/time, reveling in the power they hold. It’s not that they feel bad about what they’re doing, or that they intend on changing their ways due to how much darling despises them. They can even view it as a challenge to see what darling will handle before crumbling. 

Examples of aware yanderes include Giorno Giovanna from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures, Chrollo Lucilfer from Hunter x Hunter, and Leone Abbacchio from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures. 

Delusional yanderes are unreasonable and stubborn to a fault. They believe from the bottom of their heart that their darling does love them, twisting everything to serve as evidence for this. Whether it’s a small sign of kindness that they interpret as requited love, or even a passing glance on the street, anything and everything is used to validate their delusions. These yanderes twist their darling’s hatred in their own favor, to protect themselves; as the reality of their darling hating them would be too much to bear. That there’s no possible way darling hates them, there must be another explanation for it that isn’t related to their behavior. This is how a delusional might think. While not all delusional yanderes share this extreme way of thinking, they believe some level of it, depending on how far gone they are.

Examples of delusional yanderes are Shigaraki Tomura from My Hero Academia, Illumi Zoldyck from Hunter x Hunter, and Josuke Higishikata from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures.

Questions to ask when characterizing a yandere into either category:

What is this character’s mental state?

How do they view their darling? 

What does this character consider their relationship to be with their darling?

Manipulative vs. Honest

This is how yanderes interact with their darling/darling’s surroundings. 

Manipulative yanderes are more of a classic. They set a goal and are ruthless at pursuing it, twisting every variable in their favor, regardless of how immoral it may be. Nothing is sacred to them, they’ll pull all the stops necessary of keeping their darling in check. When it comes to obtaining their darling, they’ll decide what’s necessary to get their darling in a position they like. They can be more subtle about their influence, or painfully obvious. They’ll make darling question themselves, having set up plans behind the scenes to twist everything into their favor. This can extend to those that darling knows. Forms of manipulation can include making darling question themselves, threatening their darling somehow, or threatening those around their darling to isolate them. 

Outside of interacting with darling, they might mess around with darling’s surroundings. From getting them to lose their job somehow, kicked out of their residence, or getting darling’s friends to abandon them without any explanation. Anything to make darling fully reliant on them is the true goal of manipulative yanderes. Whether they’re doing it for a “self-righteous” reason such as keeping darling safe, or solely because of their selfish desire to keep darling all to themselves, depends on the individual yandere.

Examples of manipulative yanderes include Izaya Orihara from Durarara (very much so), Bruno Bucciarati from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures, and Kai Chisaki from My Hero Academia. 

Honest yanderes don’t see the point in beating around the bush and are a bit of a rarer type. They love (or want to being in possession) of their darling, and they want to be important to darling as well. Simple enough. They don’t like wasting their time with little games of cat and mouse, and would rather they get what they want as soon as possible. The type to say, “I like you, you like me, let’s go out.”, or if they’re aware, “I like you, you want something from me, let’s both get something out of this.” They may not be capable of being manipulative, or simply see it as a waste of valuable effort. A lot of times these yanderes aren’t transparent for the sake of being transparent, and it’s simply a different form of controlling their darling on a lazier level. 

It’s also possible that honest yanderes feel too guilty to be manipulative of their darling. Why this is depends on the yandere, but possible reasons include not feeling deserving of darling in the first place, or that it’d hurt them if they falsely led darling on. These yanderes would feel more content knowing darling is safe and happy more than anything, if their goal isn’t to obtain darling’s love. This leads to a lot of self-destructive behavior at times, for the sake of keeping darling content. 

Examples of honest yanderes include Jonathan Joestar from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures, Leone Abbacchio from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures, and (to a lesser extent), Todoroki Shoto from My Hero Academia.

Questions to ask when characterizing a yandere into either category:

How do they go about getting into a relationship with darling? 

What do they hide from their darling? 

Is this character one that would feel guilty for their actions?

Strict vs. Lenient

This will decide how a yandere wants their darling to act/their expectations. 

Strict yanderes have an internal rule set that they want their darling to follow, whether they vocalize it or not. This can be anything from not wanting their darling to do certain things, to expecting certain behaviors from them. This yandere is most likely going to kidnap their darling, or if they don’t, it’s suffocating enough to the point it feels like their darling is trapped. They micromanage every aspect of their darling’s life. How they deal with a darling’s “betrayal” of not acting how they’re supposed to depends on if they lean towards cruel or reverent. The reason strict yanderes act the way they do can range from wanting to protect their darling, to wanting to keep darling all to themselves.

Examples of strict yanderes include Giorno Giovanna from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures, Kai Chisaki from My Hero Academia, and Illumi Zoldyck from Hunter x Hunter. 

Lenient yanderes are more of a rare, chill kind. This can stem from confidence that their darling really can’t do much about them, even if they’re allowed to live their life as they please. They don’t really feel an urge to kidnap their darling or to lock them away and throw the key. To an extent they still might want their darling to act a certain way, but they have their own stuff going in on life to attend to. That or they prefer to have a more “natural” feeling relationship. Lenient yanderes can control their darling in other, more subtle ways rather than outright taking away all darling’s freedom. 

Examples of lenient yanderes include Guido Mista from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures, Dabi from My Hero Academia, and Hisoka from Hunter x Hunter.

Questions to ask when characterizing a yandere into either category:

How likely is this yandere to restrict their darling? 

If they choose not to restrain their darling, why is that?

What rules would they want their darling to adhere to? 

Thank you for reading my musings, and like I said before, feel free to chime in with any thoughts of your own! Feel free to send asks if you’re wondering where I’d place a yandere on this scale. 

#yandere theory #lock.txt #yandere #original content

[weeb-writor]

Bittersweet Arguments

Heyo! Today I have a Cove x Reader! He is from a visual novel called Our Life: Beginning and always. Its available on Steam and itch.io for free! But I do encourage you all to get the dlc is it is more than worth it. It is inclusive of all race, sexual orientation and pronouns/gender. Also all the characters are just amazing and loveable. I could go on and on about this game but let me shut up so you all can read^^

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Cove Holden x GN!Reader

You and cove get into a bad argument and picking up the pieces is hard.

Word Count: 2.4k(not beta read)

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“Cove hasn't talked to you…yeah I’m just worried, they haven't gone more than a week without speaking since they met. They’re going on week 3 soon… yeah I know… yeah… alright I let you know what I can find out.” Ma said, hanging up with a sigh. You rounded the corner glancing at her as you plopped down on the sofa.

“We're not 8 any more, you don't have to call Cliff anytime we get in a fight.” you said with a chuckle.

“Honey, that's the thing, you and cove have never fought. We called about Lizzie plenty of times but you… it's just parents being parents. We're just worried.” She said stroking your hair. You grasped her hand and gave it a squeeze before you got up.

“Don’t be.” You said as you went up to your room. Well you were packing so really it was just a room with a bed. You plopped down face first into it. You just laid there mind racing a mile a minute. The fight, the disagreements, the tears played over and over again. It was simple at first and then it wasn't. Then it was yelling, arms flailing, and angry tears. What would happen next? It was a fear you thought that was already put to rest but it came again, and again, and again. Each time it was more and more muddled. What would happen to you both? How would long distance work? Were you supposed to tell your parents about your engagement? Who would come visit who? How often? No matter what question it was, the answer always resulted in more questions. 

To you it was like Cove didn't trust you, like he didn't believe you loved him enough to do anything to make it work. For Cove you were… well you don't know. He was silent about the issue of the future. It was like you were discussing it with yourself as if there isn't another person in the relationship. It was frustrating, it made you angry at him and at yourself for being angry at him. You grabbed your pillow which had become a bucket for your tears and you cried and screamed into it. Over time your tears and screams died down and you drifted into not a peaceful sleep but a painful one. When you woke up you stumbled down stairs in a trance and nearly rounded the corner before you heard it. You stopped in your tracks immediately and sunk to the floor. It was him, your love, the neighborhood boy, Cove Holden.

“How are they?” He spoke quietly.

“I can't lie to you and say they're fine but they are resting right now.” Mom said with a sigh.

“Tha… T-That’s fine but what about eating, drinking, packing, and leaving the house?” He stuttered nervously. You wanted to laugh. It was so Cove to still be nervous talking to someone he knew essentially his whole life.

“Yes, of course. We’ve made sure, nothing to worry about.” At that you heard a sigh of relief come from the green haired boy.

“Okay, okay good. Um could you just let me know if they need anything.” His voice was shaky like he wanted to cry.

“They need you, kid.” Your mom said slowly. There was a long silence at this. Was it actually long or were you just anxious you weren’t sure.

“...I need them more.” He said in a barely intelligible whisper. Goodbyes were said and stayed on the floor even as you heard mom coming your way. When she was in your sight her eyes widened but more in worry than surprised. You tilted your head at her and that’s when you felt it. Tears were cascading from your eyes. You wiped them away in surprise and rose to your feet.

“Im fine.” You said before jogging to your room where you curled into a ball as if to shield you from the impending doom. From this position you watched the sunset and the moon rise, almost unblinking. You felt tears soak your pillow, you had begun crying without realizing again.

This couldn't go on, you had to talk to Cove.

Muscle memory had kicked in from the one time you had snuck into Cove’s room and boom. You were sitting on his bedside stroking his hair as he slept. Just like you it seemed his sleep was anything but peaceful. His brow was creased and you couldn’t help but thumb along it prompting him to wake up. His eyes shot open and he blinked a while before he sighed. 

“Are you gonna be a dream or a nightmare.” he said softly.

“I'm in your nightmares?” You said glancing to the side. At this he shot up. Tears pulled in his eyes as he held his hand out to you. As soon as his fingers brushed your face he let out a quiet sob.

“So dream or nightmare then?” You said with watery eyes.

“An absolute dream.” He said with a firmness in him that was rare.

“Cove I don't want to talk about it right now, can we sleep...together.”

“Yes!” he shouted quietly, immediately making space for you under his blankets. You moved with equal amount of eagerness and soon for the first time in a while you felt truly at peace.

“Can...can I hold you.” You didn't say anything to his request, just moved closer and grabbed onto his nightshirt. Instantly you both fall into a deep peaceful sleep.

“Hey kid, I wanna talk…” Cliff trailed off awkwardly as he locked eyes with you. Cove was fast asleep, head in your lap and arms squeezing you. You smiled and put your finger to your lips. Cliff got the signal and walked out with a smile. Cove slept for 30 minutes more before his icy blue eyes met yours.

“Uh, wanna eat? I got all the ingredients for…” he didn’t need to finish the red flush of his face said enough. He was eating your favorite and you were eating his. You let off a quiet laugh.

“I’m feeling more peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwiches. Maybe some fruit.” You smiled down at him. His eyes lit up and you were dragged into the kitchen and now you both were about done making the sandwiches.

“What are you glaring at my sandwiches for?” You jokingly accused him.

“There isn’t enough honey on it, honey.” He said poking your forehead. You laughed and he laughed and then you both went to sit at the table. Mr. Holden was there too and made moves to get up but was stopped by the both of you shouting no. Awkwardly he sat back down.

“So, how’s packing coming? Coves been putting it off, so much.” He asked you gently.

“I’m pretty much done! Nothing in my room but a bed now.” You said with a smile.

“That’s great, still planning on leaving for college?” He asked with caution.

“Yeah, that’s the plan. I’m going to miss having you around.” You said with a small smile. The impromptu breakfast was over soon after this and you were left alone with cove again. Questions about the future loomed over you and this time you were going to get answers.

“Can... we talk?” You said staring at him with determination.

“Yes..” he trailed off

“No Cove, can we really talk? Like talk things out, like argue and come to a consensus.”

“Yes but I just don’t... want us to fight” he said playing with his hands.

“Arguments are normal cove, hell they’re healthy even. The unhealthy part is what you do during the argument and what you do after. Of course, we could try just talking first.” You smiled at him hoping to ease his nervousness.

“So you mean to say storming off to your son's room and pacing isn't a healthy way of closing an argument?” He said with a joking tone.

“Well if we ever get to the talk about the future, maybe one day you could see just how healthy it is…” You trailed off looking at him hopefully. Cove let out one of his cute squeaks as he flushed red. He raked his fingers through his hair before he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the sofa.

“Let's… talk then.” he said, glancing at you and then away.

“Alright, Cove, I'm going far away. What you are asking to do is impractical, I'm asking you not to do it.” You said seriously.

“It's 36 hours by car on the fastest route and 3 hours and 29 minutes by plane, it's not impractical, it's totally possible.” He said with unusually fierce eyes.

“Sure but you want to do it every two weeks, twice a month! It's not safe for you to drive that long. Think of the money it’ll cost to fly or put gas in your car. Also you'll have your own bills now, your own place. It's not all that possible.” You spoke firmly.

“Doesn't matter… i'll make it possible and safe. If I need to, I'll stay with my dad for a while. Moving out isn’t that big of a deal” He said not backing down

“No Cove, do you hear yourself? You’ve wanted to move out and be in your own place for a while. What happened to the boy who wanted to do everything the way he wanted without listening to set rules or a predetermined plan?”

“This isn't someone's predetermined plan for me, it's what I want.”

“What about what I want?” you said softly

“Is what you want… not to be around me? Or am I too.. too clingy for you? Cause if so I promise I won't intrude too much.. And I’ll give you space-”

“No! Its nothing like that! You are never gonna be too clingy for me, you could get clinger if you wanted. I just want you to be safe, okay?” You said cutting that thought off immediately

“I promise I will be then.” He said hesitantly.

“Baby, the whole action of it isn't safe physically or financially for either of us right now. I'm not saying you can't come but what about once every month or even better ill come back here every break I have. They aren't frequent but I'd be with you for a while.”

“It's not enough!” He said, raising his voice at you. It's the first time he’d ever done it but you didn't respond, you just blinked at him and waited for him to continue.

“I need to see you more than that.. I just have to.” He said, looking away from you.

“Why? We’ve spent weeks apart before. Every summer you leave and we come out of it fine, it's the same.”

“No its not the same, at all.” He spoke firmly as his eyes got misty but he pressed on. “When I went with my mom I knew where you were, what you were most likely doing. It was routine, sunset bird is our place. Even if something new comes along I'm never out of the loop… but when you leave you’ll be in a new place with different people and new things you can experience. You’ll be in a place with all four seasons, they get snow! I won't know what you're doing any more and we might not even be on the same wavelength any more. You’ll make new friends and meet people who won't be afraid to lay in bed with you or stutter a lot or make weird noises. You’ll be changing and I’ll still be the same 8 year old cry baby you met on the poppy hill… you’ll leave and then you’ll disappear.” He said scrubbing at his tears. You stared at him before you started to laugh. You laughed so hard you started to cry.

“Let me get this straight, you want to come visit me so often because you're afraid I'll become this social butterfly and find better people than you, Miranda, and Terri? Me?” You were overcome with laughter again and paused to catch your breath. “I’m overly honest, pushy, a little demanding, and have “strange” interests. When have you ever known me to be easy to make friends with or be sociable with any other than you? You know I knew I was gonna marry you from the moment I laid eyes on you at the ripe age of 8? I wish some dumb college kid would try to change my plans i’d kill them… nothing is gonna take me away from you and I will always come home. Home, cove holden, is wherever you are.” Cove was hugging you in a second crying into your neck.

“I quite like your squeaks and weird noises by the way.” You could feel his face heat up in your neck as he laughed.

“Every break?”

“Every break longer than 2 days.”

“At my place… the whole time?”

“Duh I said I was going home.”

“Alright then, we agree. I want to come spend a break with you though, want to see your place.” He said squeezing you tighter.

“Of course… Also one last thing we need to put to bed.” Cove let out a groan at your words.

“Nothing bad at all. Just this.” You reached into your back pocket and pulled out a black velvet box. You handed it to cove as his eyes watered again.

“I know I already proposed but I wanted to get you something regardless. Its also so all these single people keep their grubby little paws off my love.” He blushed at you and whispered your name the way he always did when he was feeling embarrassed or overwhelmed. He opened it as tears fell down his face.

“Theres two?” 

“Yeah look at the inside of the bands.” Each one was engraved with your respective nicknames for each other.

“Were engaged we minus well look the part. This way everybody at my college knows I managed to lockdown the most amazing guy to ever grace sunset bird.” You said kissing his nose. He wasted no time putting his on and handing you yours.

“I love you.” He said, eyes no longer misty.

“I love you so much, Cove.” You echoed his sentiment.

“Wanna go to our hill, we have a lot to make up for. I’ve missed you so much.” He said, grabbing your hand. You nodded and you both turned to leave. You both quickly made eye contact with Clifford Holden who was misty eyed. You gathered he had been there for a while.

“Sho...Should I pretend i didn't just see or hear that as well?” He said his hand on his neck.

#cove holden #our life: beginnings & always #cove #cove holden x reader

[koolkat9]

FrUk Week 2021: Day2

@hetaliashipsweek

Prompt: Childhood/Old Age

Paring: FrUk

Word Count: 2012

The Luckiest Man Alive

They had been married for fifty years. It still was hard for Arthur to believe. It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful, but at the back of his mind, there had always been that lingering thought that Francis would finally notice all his shortcomings and leave him. At least over the years, that voice had quieted immensely and Arthur learned to allow himself to be happy without worrying that it would be taken away from him.

If someone had told five-year-old Arthur that the annoying little French boy in his class would eventually become his lover, he would have kicked them in the shins. No way he could ever like someone as snobbish as Francis. The boy never failed to insult Arthur’s ‘fashion sense’ or steal his pencils. Then again it probably didn’t help that Arthur had the tendency to pull Francis’ hair and steal his books. By the first grade, things had escalated to the point the two physically and verbally fought on the daily. There were a lot of punches, bruises, and meetings with the principal during those elementary school years, but for some reason, they always kept coming back to each other.

Middle school rolled around and life got complicated. During the final years of elementary school, Arthur’s mother had been diagnosed with a serious illness. What that illness was was never revealed to Arthur even after her death, but that didn’t stop it from tearing the family apart. He had never gotten along with his brothers, but with their mother being in and out of the hospital and pressure being added onto all of them, especially Alister, they began taking out their stress on each other. They fought every day with some confrontations turning physical (on both ends). After a particularly bad fight, Arthur showed up to school with a black eye. At lunch Francis inquired about it, pushing him until he snapped and shoved Francis against the locker, hissing, “My mom’s sick and my brothers hate my guts so shut up or you’re going to be my punching bag.” 

For once, Francis was shocked, and instead of shoving Arthur back, his gaze softened as he said, “I’m so sorry to hear that Arthur.” Before he could do anything else, Arthur pulled away and took off down the hall. It wouldn’t be the last argument that ended with secrets being revealed. At least both had enough respect not to bring them up again.

By the time high school rolled around, the few friends Arthur had made over his childhood years had moved away or went to the other high school in town. The only person he knew going in was Francis and once more the two of them gravitated towards each other, but this time it wasn’t for a fight. Arthur was tired. His mother had passed away a month before school had started and the feeling of home left with her. The Brit had become a shell of his former self, often isolating himself in the school library during his free time and throwing himself into his school work. He didn’t socialize unless he had to for class and began avoiding Francis like the plague. It began to worry Francis and around Christmas of their first year, Francis cornered Arthur in the library, ready to get to the bottom of whatever was eating at his enemy. Surprisingly it was easier than he thought as the Brit quickly broke down and through tears began explaining everything. The fact his mom died, that he was sick and tired of arguing with his brothers and has been couch hopping for a couple of weeks because he didn’t want to go home, and every other minor inconvenience that had been building up in his life. 

Francis was stunned into silence, but before Arthur could run away like he always did when things got too personal, the French boy pulled him into a tight embrace. And Arthur let him, too tired for any struggle or to push his emotions deep down again. Francis had invited him to stay over that night and Arthur had accepted though he was hesitant. There were no arguments or fighting for once and instead they talked about other things, interests, classes, other normal teen stuff. It was nice and for the first time in the past three years, Arthur felt safe and comfortable. 

After that fateful day, fights between them grew few and far between. They still bickered and argued, but it was now a more friendly matter. Francis introduced Arthur to his new friends Antonio and Gilbert and the four would remain friends well into adulthood and even old age. They were annoying just like Francis, but they also cared about him and were there for him when he needed it. But he could really do without the constant jab that Francis and he were like ‘an old married couple.’

College is when Arthur’s feelings of friendship started becoming feelings of romantic love. Francis had found a cheap apartment not far from their school and the two decided to rent it together to save money. They fell into quite a domestic routine. Francis cooked for him since Arthur could never make anything not burnt while Arthur did the dishes. Francis did laundry while Arthur folded and put the clothes away. Arthur would go out to the small garden on their balcony and Francis would join him a few minutes later with water or juice and a little snack for them. Francis had a lot of morning classes so Arthur would wake him up with a cup of coffee or tea. Arthur finally felt at home and he realized he wanted to live with Francis for the rest of his life. He tried to deny it at first, but each time Francis smiled Arthur felt his insides melt and whenever he called his name in the soft moments of the evening, he imagined being called to cuddle with him. He loved Francis, but he was too scared of possibly losing him if his feelings became known. After all, their relationship had already been turbulent, why shake it up even more?

Although they may have been getting along better than they ever had, they were still Francis and Arthur, prideful through and through and unable to go too long without some form of argument. Things were starting to build up on Arthur again with school and his growing feelings and he was starting to become more snappy than normal. They had had a few of their friendly arguments before, but eventually, everything became too much and Arthur went off at Francis when the Frenchman pushed a little too hard. “I thought we told each other everything,” Francis screamed.

“Shut up!”

“No. Not until you get it through your thick skull that pushing things down until they boil over is not healthy. I don’t even know why I bother? You’ve never listen-”

Next thing either of them knew, Arthur had Francis pinned against the wall, silencing him with a heated, angry kiss. As soon as Arthur noticed what he was doing, he pulled away, but not enough to let Francis go. The Frenchman looked at him, cheeks red, hair a mess, and eyes wide. Without a word they leaned in once more, connecting their lips in a slow, sensual kiss. 

The following morning, Arthur awoke, wrapped up in Francis’ arms in Francis’ bed, clothes strewn around the room. For a moment, he allowed himself to admire the sleeping man next to him. Even with bedhead, Francis’ hair still looked beautiful and soft. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes closed, bare shoulder slightly exposed. He looked so peaceful and content which made Arthur’s heart flutter.

“Like what you see?” Francis asked, his eyes opening halfway and a soft smile spreading across his face. 

“Sh-Shut up.”

“Make me.” 

And Arthur did, leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss on Francis’ lips. When he retreated back, embarrassment and doubt began setting. What did this mean now? Were they lovers? What if things didn’t end up well? He couldn’t bear to lose this man after everything they had been through. Maybe it was best to just forget what had happened and go back to being friends. 

“I-I don’t know if I can do this,” Arthur stuttered out. He pulled the covers up defensively, trying to avoid that kind loving gaze.

Francis was quiet for a moment and when Arthur stole a glance at him, he almost looked disappointed. “You know?” Francis began, his smile quickly returning, “We don’t have to call it anything you don’t want to. You liked what happened last night right?”

“I-I suppose…”

“I did too. Would you want to do more than just that? Like cuddle, kiss, and all that?”

Arthur was silent as he thought it over, his cheeks turning a deep shade of red. “If it makes it easier,” Francis continued, “I wouldn’t mind doing that kind of stuff, but if you don’t want to...I won’t push.”

Francis really was perfect. Attentive, loving, respectful when it mattered. What did he see in Arthur who just seemed to be a ball of anger and pent-up feelings? But the knowledge they wouldn’t be making this an official thing (at least not yet), put Arthur at ease and he decided to accept it. 

A couple months later, Arthur had worked up the courage to accept Francis’ offer of a date, and of course, being the thoughtful lover the man was, Francis provided him with the ideal date. They had gone to the park for a picnic lunch before heading to the theatre for a show. At night they cuddled up in Francis’ bed and fell asleep. It had been a pretty good day, but Arthur’s competitiveness had been sparked. Next date, he was planning it and he was going to impress Francis.

He got a reservation at the new French restaurant in town. Francis seemed to have enjoyed the food, but he said he could have always made such a meal at home. Arthur only rolled his eyes telling him that he was doing something nice for him so be grateful. Francis had giggled, making Arthur realize just how deep he was. It was exhilarating and a little nerve-wracking. After dinner, they headed out back to a garden area where a wishing well stood. “Do you have a coin?” Francis asked, peering into the well. 

“You’re lucky, here.” 

Francis pulled the coin to his chest closing his eyes before tossing it into the well with a plop. 

“What did you wish for?” Arthur asked, peering down into the well.

Francis brought a finger to his lips with a wink. “I can’t tell you or it won’t come true.”

Arthur’s nostalgia trip was interrupted by a pair of arms snaking around his waist and a firm kiss being pressed into his neck.

“What are you doing mon amour?” Francis asked in a low voice.

“Just...reminiscing.” Arthur lifted his hand, admiring the silver band on his finger. “Who would have thought we’d be here, like this, all those years ago.”

Francis chuckled. “Mhm. At least my wish came true.”

Arthur twisted his head to get a better look at the man behind him“Are you talking about that one you made on our second date?”

“Oui.”

“And what was it?”

“I would marry and spend the rest of my life with you.”

“You big sap.”

“Peut-être, but you love me for it.”

“What gave you that idea?”

“Oh, you wound me,” Francis exclaimed, clutching his chest. 

The two lovers erupted into a fit of laughter before going in for a kiss. It was sweet and quick, matching the playful moment. I couldn’t last forever as Arthur noticed the time. “We better go pick up the boys from the airport,” he suggested,  “they’ll be landing soon.”

Francis planted one more kiss on his forehead, before taking Arthur’s hand and pulling him out the door. Truly, Arthur was the luckiest man in the world and he had over fifty years' worth of evidence to prove it.

#frukweek2021 #frukweek #hetalia #hws #fruk #ukfr #human au #hws france #hws england #fluff #angst #fanfiction #hetalia fanfiction #old age #childhood #nostaligia

[palimpsessed]

I have a question for you because you are SO GOOD at analyzing awtwb. Can you explain the “is this what people do?” Thinking that Simon is going through? Most of the things he goes through I see reflected in myself or people I know, but I haven’t seen that before. I would love to know all your thoughts on that?

Hi, Anon! Thanks for sending this ask and for your kind words about my analysis. ❤️

I would love to talk about "is this what people do"!

I'm going to give you my take, and then I'm going to include some thoughts from a friend who isn't on tumblr. Let’s dive in!

Simon asks "is this what people do" because he truly doesn't know what people do. He knows how to be a Chosen One, but he doesn't know how to be a person. He's spent the bulk of his life up until this point as a weapon. He understands how to fight, how to protect those around him, how to sacrifice himself, but he doesn't really understand living for the sake of living. In my answer to another ask, I talked about how Simon doesn't know how to be at peace. I think that's applicable here, too.

Part of what Simon struggles with so much in the time between the end of CO and the beginning of WS is how to live without having a defined purpose, a "mission". He's lost a lot of things that he allowed to define his sense of self, and now he has to sort out who he is without all of that. We see him start to make progress with living for the sake of living in WS: going on a roadtrip to a place he's always wanted to see; being silly and flirting at the Renaissance Faire and walking around with his wings out; flying over Utah, getting to feel the wind in his face and under his wings. But most of the time, he's still struggling with being at peace—living without a mission. Living for himself.

The WS epilogue tells us: "This is what happens if you try to hang on after the end…the pages go blank...Simon Snow's [story] is over." There's no established arc for a hero post-final battle—there's no set narrative or expectations for this point in Simon's life and he's struggling in the uncertainty of it all. He's also struggling with the lingering trauma from years of neglect, exploitation, and violence.

There's a reason the gang literally goes off the map in WS—there is no guide for this part of their journey, and, at least for Simon, doing the "normal" expected thing at this time (getting a flat, going to university, making new friends) isn't working for him. He doesn't have any idea what to do with his life now—this part was never planned out for him. As a child in care and then a boy soldier, Simon never had agency over himself. He was responsible for the fate of the World of Mages and saving all of magic, but he wasn't ever allowed to be responsible for himself. I don't mean that Simon doesn't know how to take care of himself—I'd argue he's the most self-sufficient and practically-minded of the gang because of all the time he was left to fend for himself. But Simon is going out into the world as an adult and there isn't someone else to tell him what to do anymore. (This is something we all face at some point growing up, but it's definitely more extreme in his case!) Don't get me wrong. Being in control of his own life is a really good thing for Simon, but it also leaves him without any idea of how to navigate through life. Someone else has always been there to give him orders or to give him a plan, but we see all of the plans in WS fall apart.

In AWTWB, Simon tries move forward with a new plan—one he thinks is best for everyone—fracturing his relationships with the two most important people in his life while also attempting to make a clean break from magic. It's the wrong thing to do, even if it's something that needs to happen. From the end of CO to the start of AWTWB, Simon chooses to do nothing, because he's afraid. Then he does the wrong thing, also out of fear.

Instead of fighting, which is what he's always done before, Simon allows fear to keep him from acting, allows fear to drive him away from what's important. Simon didn't fear dying as a child in the course of his heroic deeds, but he does fear a future spent with the people he loves (it's "frightening"). He fears it because it’s “uncertain” and he doesn't think he can hold onto it (“I never believed I’d get to keep you”). He doesn't think he has a right to try.

"Is this what people do" is Simon trying. It's him trying with Baz, specifically. Simon is scared because he and Baz are in unknown territory, and he cares so much about making things work between them. He knows how much there is to lose. He just doesn’t know what he needs to do to hold on to Baz. He doesn’t really have any idea what a healthy relationship looks like. I know I’ve seen discussions about how Simon never had proper relationship modeling. (@mostlymaudlin has addressed this and other aspects of Simon’s previous relationship experience with Agatha in this post that is highly relevant and I also just recommend it.) Yes, Simon has prior experience with Agatha, but he didn’t know what he was doing in that relationship either and he tells Baz that his experience with her doesn’t come anywhere close to his feelings for Baz. With Agatha, Simon saw a nebulous “happy ending” without knowing what that happy ending was going to look like, nor how he was going to get there. He has no idea of the reality of a healthy relationship or how to do the hard work to maintain it. This is what both Simon and Baz are learning in AWTWB.

When the refrain comes up, it's always in response to a milestone that Simon and Baz have crossed in their relationship, from (practically) moving in together to being intimate.

Simon is mentally taking a step back and looking at his relationship with Baz. He's looking at the things they're doing, as a couple. Things they've not managed to do before, or things they have done that he hasn't given himself the space to process—something he admits he never did with Agatha. Simon asking the question "is this what people do" encapsulates so much: Is this what life and love looks like for other people? For us? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? What we're supposed to be doing? How do I feel about what’s happening now? What do I want to happen? Is this how two people love each other?

The ways in which the refrain shifts over the course of the book show us how Simon's thinking shifts as his relationship with Baz progresses. And at the end, the refrain has changed from a question into a statement. Seeing the first and last occurrences next to each other tells so much of the story of Simon's growth.

Chapter 38:

Is this what people do when they're in love? Do they just keep touching and talking? And then what? Like what is it all leading to? I don't mean sex, I mean…

If I knew what I meant, it wouldn't be so frightening.

I'm living second by second.

Chapter 82:

This is what people do.

They get close and try to stay there.

They stay.

They keep trying to hold on to each other...this is what they do. They keep trying.

…This is what people do. This is what we'll do. Baz and me.

…"Stay with me."

"I will."

This shift in confidence is subtle, but it is such a big deal! Simon has gone from not being able to think about the future at all to promising Baz that he will stay with him and keep trying in their relationship. He's answered the question for himself!!! He’s figured out how to try for Baz. The thing is, in the end, it really doesn’t matter what “people” do. It matters what Simon and Baz do, because they’re the ones who are doing this together, for each other. They have plenty of time to figure out how “what people do” is going to look for them.

Now I want to add some thoughts shared by RooBadley in the conversations we've had about "is this what people do". I always appreciate getting Roo's take on things, and I completely agree with them on this. (Do yourself a favor and check out Roo's AO3 if you haven't already.)

"the subtlety of [is this what people do is] a reflection of [Simon’s] queerness/a touchstone universal queer youth experience (is this what it's supposed to be like? I dunno, I've never seen A Person Like Me get to have a happy/healthy/normal relationship). Is this what (queer) people do? Am I doing it right?"

and...

"I've ruminated more on that statement as reference to the queer experience and I feel like there's more evidence to support that reading. we know he's had sex with Agatha (and he's woke/attentive enough to know about peeing to prevent UTI's, so clearly he knows what straight, penetrative sex is) and there's that lovely line at the start about Dr Wellbelove giving him the birds & bees talk, but leaving some things out (I love that bit) And he's so confident when he's talking with Baz about having had sex with Agatha, like, he knows what they did. It's just with Baz that he's suddenly in self-doubt "is this..." Land"

Reading this take from Roo about a universal queer youth experience definitely hit home for me. I think Rainbow did a superb job of speaking to multiple experiences with Simon’s journey and in treating that journey with so much care. I think it’s amazing that we get to see this part of the story, this aftermath and healing, because it really isn’t part of the established story arc we’re used to and it really should be. Like you said in your ask, Anon, we’ve all had lived experiences that help us see ourselves in these characters, and to watch them struggle and persevere and succeed is incredibly important.

If anyone has anything they’d like to add on, or another question to ask, as always, please feel free to do so! I will never get enough of talking about this book! ❤️

#asks #awtwb spoilers #is this what people do

[retvenkos]

Grishaverse Deep Dive: The Darkling is a Character that lives in a Society.

((spoilers for ALL of the grishaverse))

Ah, yes, Shadow and Bone season 2 is gearing up, the birds are singing, I have a cup of earl grey tea before me -  it is finally time to sit down to talk about the Darkling, and explain his tenuous relationship with the Grishaverse.

The Darkling is a character greatly contested. When simply looking at his motivations, we see a rift in the fandom. Add in his backstory and it fractures even more. When you pepper in the third ingredient of his relationship with Alina, you get an entire war. The Darkling is a divisive character. He gets under our skin and lingers for days afterwards.

I am going to take you on a deep dive of the Darklings character, and try to tease apart the problems that lie within the creation of his character. Why were so many fans betrayed by his ending? How did he muddle the messages of Shadow and Bone, and why is his ending so complicated that it satisfies very few? Today, we’re going to look at The Problem of the Darking: An Essay in Six Parts.

A little history lesson;

So first, allow me to take you back in time, to 2012, when Shadow and Bone was first released.

Two years prior, The Hunger Games Trilogy had finished coming out and, in a rather stunning turn of events, shifted the popular Y.A. category from the genre of the paranormal romance (thank you, Stephanie Meyer) to the dystopian society. 

Now, this is not to say that there weren’t dystopian stories prior to The Hunger Games, or that there weren’t paranormal romances in the Y.A. genre afterward. Both have survived, but the boom of dystopian stories and the whimper of paranormal romance was definitely felt.

So 2012 hits. In comes Shadow and Bone, in a time where we have some interesting precedents that our Y.A. forefathers created: 

Firstly, let’s talk about themes.

Carried over from both genres, is this idea of duality. There is light and there is dark, and whether or not there is a middle ground is up to the author. As the Y.A. target audience is quite large, there’s a lot to be said for how nuanced this idea can be. In many stories, it’s a nail on the head. In others, the lines are a little more blurred. In most stories, you get some semblance of Good = Light, Bad = Shadow. In the end, the ultimate goal is to embrace one or the other. At the end of the series, we’re either in the midday sun or the midnight darkness. The peak of the story leaves very little middle ground.

Then, brought over from the dystopian genre, we have the idea that The Current Regime is Bad for insidious reasons, and it needs to be torn down and built anew. This is often the main focus of dystopian stories, and our main characters are revolutionaries that see the world in a new, free light.

Finally, a trap of the Y.A. category is it’s simplistic idea of good and bad. Again, we hark back to the vast target age range, and you can see why this would be so prevalent. There is very little by way of morally grey, in the Y.A. category, and if there is moral greyness, it almost always falls into two categories: (1) it is held by the main character alone, and that is why we root for them, or (2) it is martyred and killed. Moral greyness is either the Ushering of a New Era, or The Ideal that Could Not Be. If greyness is to survive, it must exist in the main character who, readers hope, will usher in a new dawn of peace (and light moral greyness) either through their small acts of love (the angel loving the demon) or in large displays of change (the morally grey character rising to be ruler).

These are all themes we expect to be present in Shadow and Bone. And for the most part, they are!

But now let’s talk about character tropes.

Carried over from the paranormal romance, we have the introduction of the “Othered” love interest. This character has a condition that sets him apart from others, and (whether it be vampire, demon, werewolf, etc.) is so prevalent that he cannot fit in. And because of his differences, he has been shunned by Society. This character, notably, is not the “light” or “pure” paranormal figure - he is not the angel - but rather, the demon. The angel would be able to slip into society (presumably because his goodness grants him some kind of godly camouflage). The demon cannot. He doesn’t fit in, and he never can. This creates tension in him, and so he shuns others just as hard as they shun him - he has done so for a very long time until he meets our main character, who gets close to him and breaks down his walls. This character is often the eventual love interest, for reasons that will become apparent later. 

Sometimes carried over from the paranormal romance is the idea that the main character is secretly an “other in hiding” (an angel without her wings, etc.). This creates a bond between the “Othered” love interest and the main character - a bond that can’t be deteriorated once it’s been made, because the main character can’t be un-Othered. They can’t take back the forbidden knowledge they’ve obtained. If this character pops up, the “Othered” love interest is almost always chosen, if he exists.

The dystopian genre has a branching version of this trope, as there is almost always a healthy amount of othering. The main character usually comes from a group of people that is Othered from Society, but our main character is even more unique/different from their “Othered group.” This “specially Othered” character is superpowered in that they can navigate both “Othered” Society and “normal” Society. They can be the go-between.

Sometimes found in the paranormal romance is the “normal” or stereotypical character. This is the average human - the character that doesn’t understand the “Othered” love interest, and wants the main character to go back to the way things were before. This character can sometimes make up the other leg of the love triangle and become a love interest. Other times, it’s a family member or a friend or even an abstract ideal. The point of this character, however, is to show the main character that they can’t go back to the way things were. Too much has happened. Too much has been discovered.

All of this is to say that when Shadow and Bone came out, audiences had expectations with long standing. It is safe and fair to say that the Darkling was set up as a character to be viewed in a certain light, and then the rug was pulled out beneath fans, who had already invested so much in his character.

Shadow and Bone: The characters that Don’t Fit;

So now let’s look at Shadow and Bone in the scope of history and audience expectation. Let’s look at the characters as well as the Grishaverse, in broad terms.

The Darkling is, in the first half of Shadow and Bone, the stereotypical “Othered” love interest. He can summon shadows, which is remarkably different from the other powers of Grisha, and his “forefathers” have done terrible things with this power, making him not only an other in talent but an other in animosity and fear.

In comes Alina, and she is a perfect fit for the main character being an “other in hiding” as well as a “specially Othered” character. She was otkazat’sya before she realized she was Grisha, and she is seen as the go-between for these two different worlds - she can bring them together. Furthermore, she is stronger than your average Grisha - distinct from all others, excepting the Darkling.

Alina is understood by the Darkling. She is discovering parts of herself that she didn’t know she had. This is all decidedly Good, and the romance that is forming is living up to reader expectation.

We also have an interesting occurence of duality. Alina, with her light, is the equal and opposite to the Darkling and his shadow. Together, they have limitless power, a common goal, and perhaps a purifying dynamic as Alina can “save” the Darkling. Her light can banish his shadows. 

History is leading us to believe they are the endgame ship.

This is only inculcated when you have Mal, who is the “normal” character. Through the framing of the story (not seeing Mal, holding on to him only causing Alina to not reach her full potential), we see that the love story with Mal is the Romance That Cannot Be. They are fated to be apart due to the tropes that readers know and understand.

But then the second half of the book kicks in, The Darkling is proven to have been manipulating Alina, things go South, and readers are left unaware of what’s coming next. In this moment, the theme of The Current Regime is Bad slaps readers across the face.

So let’s take a second to look at The Current Regime is Bad, because how the Darkling and his motives exist in that tempest is thought provoking, to say the least.

The Darkling is, decidedly, a part of The Current Regime. He is a general and close to the King, after all. He is a part of this life... and yet he is not. Remember that The Darkling is our “Othered” character. He cannot be a part of The Current Regime because he is shunned by it. And yet, he is tied to it like a prisoner. 

The reader thinks: is the Darkling bad? He is shown to be a part of Society. He wants the war to continue - he doesn’t want to tear down the Fold.

As the reader is grappling with this revelation, we are told (in the same book!) that the Darkling is actually not a part of The Current Regime (which is Bad), but rather, had been working against it. 

Okay.

So now the reader thinks that since Society is Bad, and the Darkling is against it, he and Alina do have a common goal, and his status as a love interest can be saved. He can be redeemed as a character because Alina can purify his methods, then together they can get rid of the current regime, and they can be Others together.

It’s a solid thought process. After all, the “Othered” characters have been consistently good at heart, and Alina can redeem him. We still have a bad guy to take down - and it’s not the Darkling.

But...

Leigh Bardugo decides that is not the story she wants to tell, and she has to pull out some literary gymnastics to give us an explanation. The idea is, no, the Darkling is Bad and his “Othered” status is not relevant because it doesn’t justify his actions. He is a part of a radical portion of The Current Regime and is just as Bad. 

Enter Nikolai Lantsov, who can take over The Current Regime, because as the reader is constantly reminded, Alina no longer wants novelty - she wants normalcy (which is represented by none other than Malyen Oretsev).

So, what does all of this mean? The Darkling decidedly Doesn’t Fit into any of the currently accepted (and expected) tropes of the Y.A. genre. This, on its own, is not inherently Bad or Wrong, but you can see how readers were thrown and consistently, ideas were stretched to fit the simplistic ideas of good and bad that run rampant through the Y.A. category.

The Darkling: What We Left Behind;

We have all heard the critique that the most frustrating thing about the Shadow and Bone Trilogy is how the treatment of Grisha is never fixed. It’s mentioned, but it’s never addressed.

To play the Devil’s Advocate, I am going to tell you all that this problem was never fixed because it was never part of Alina’s Narrative. As I will now attempt to point out, The Darkling is an ill suited antagonist for Alina’s story.

As I like to joke with my friends, the Darkling is an Adult Fantasy character inside of a Y.A. Fantasy story. He cannot be properly served because the story does not fit him, and it doesn’t really try.

Y.A. stories are incredibly focused. There is usually a lot going on in the wider story, but the reader is confined to one point of view and one narrative. This is why the main character is always leading rebellions and fighting in the thick of things. In order to address the problems of the wider narrative, the main character needs to be pretty front and center with the problems.

Alina is at the center of an inner conflict of power vs. normalcy. She is not at the center of the Grisha’s problems. 

Time and again, we see that Alina largely doesn’t care about how terribly Grisha are treated, as a whole. She has moments of clarity where she is angry (notably the scene in Ruin and Rising where the nations’ treatment of Grisha is described in detail), but her remorse doesn’t really extend past sympathy. In the end, she still does nothing to save Grisha.

Alina is a terrible hero when matched to the problems the Darkling is trying to solve. She doesn’t understand their full breadth, having not grown up with them, and she doesn’t want to fix them.

The Problem of The Darkling is that he is a character with problems and motivations that get shrinked and discarded because they do not fit into the Alina Narrative.

Alina’s story is about three things: (1) learning that a lust for power is bad and only corrupts; (2) tearing down the Fold, which is the representation of lusty power; and (3) returning to normalcy. (If you’re wondering why Mal is a rough™ character, it’s because he’s supposed to be the ideal of normalcy, that Alina both wants but can’t have as long as she seeks the amplifiers.) The Grisha don’t factor into that equation.

Alina doesn’t have a solution for giving the Grisha a safe existence where they won’t be sold into slavery, won’t be persecuted by the world, and won’t be forever Othered. She stumbles upon the vague promise of fixing the last of those problems when she runs into Nikolai (purely by chance, or, if you want to stretch it, The Darklings machinations). Furthermore, she doesn’t want to do any of that - she wants normalcy, remember? Her story isn’t going to be saving the Grisha - that’s not what it’s about.

The Darklings entire character motivations focus on all of the plot points that Alina doesn’t hit. He wan’t to make a safe existence for Grisha, he wants Grisha to no longer be persecuted and Othered. How is he going to do it? By ugly means, yes, but he’s going to achieve it nonetheless.

The Darkling has motivations that are not addressed in the Shadow and Bone Trilogy. They aren’t what the story is about, or what the story chooses to focus on. His story is a braided narrative that is too complicated for the simplistic, black and white story that the Shadow and Bone Trilogy is. 

So here’s the problem: the story insists the Darkling is the bad guy, but he can’t possibly be the bad guy if his intentions are Good, and there is no other way. Until Alina finds another way, he is a martyr - he is the Starless Saint. The Saint who was misguided, sure, but the only Saint who tried to solve things.

The Darkling is not fit for Shadow and Bone. His story and what he advocated for isn’t resolved by the end of the trilogy. So when he dies, it feels unearned. It’s tragic - and perhaps there is some beauty in that tragedy, or some lesson to be learned about how you cannot justify evil means for a good end - but it feels undeserved. His problems aren’t addressed. He is defeated, but his cause and his essence aren’t put to sleep.

King of Scars: A Cause Without Its Martyr;

Which leads us to the Nikolai duology.

Like I said - The Darklings’ problems are forgotten in Alina’s narrative. So what happens when we break out of that point of view? After a brief (and iconic) interim with the Crows, we are back in Ravka and the Grisha are still struggling with the problems that Shadow and Bone failed to address. Ravka is still dying, but now that we have gotten rid of a reluctant cast of characters and have made distance from the trope-heavy Shadow and Bone, we are better equipped to save her.

But here’s a question - can we ignore the man who pioneered these problems in favor of a more palatable cast? Can we not address the Darkling while picking up the sword he used?

Leigh Bardugo needs to reclaim the Grisha Problem by stealing it from the Darkling’s grasp. That proves to be difficult, given that we’ve killed him and have given him a tragically beautiful death. Absence has made the heart grow fonder, and in his final moments, the Darkling was not the evil Shadow Summoner but rather Alexander Morozova - the boy within. Readers (even those who didn’t like the Darkling) might be more endeared to him now that everything is said and done.

We need to separate the Darkling from his cause.

Enter the Cult of the Starless Saint and the Condemnation of the Starless.

To remind readers that the Darkling is bad, Leigh Bardugo does a few things. Firstly, she has her characters repeatedly condemn the Darkling. On one hand, it makes sense and feels genuine. On the other hand, it can be a little excessive. Sometimes, the vehemence reads like what it is - Leigh Bardugo is giving us reasons to hate the Darkling again. Add on the fact that Nikolai’s monster is Bad and one of few remnants of the Darkling still surviving, and you get a lot of hate.

Except, ah! The more we talk about the Darkling, the more we are reminded of what he stood for!

So we have to strip him of that - we have to take his legacy and drag it through the mud. Thus, we create The Cult of the Starless Saint. They represent the Darklings legacy and status in history - were his intentions Good Enough to grant him mercy? To give him Sainthood? 

Spoiler alert: They are not. Not as portrayed by the Cult of the Starless Saint.

The Cult is a laughing stock. They don’t have a stance of the Grisha, they’re worship of the Darkling is meant to be seen as mocking Alina’s sacrifice, and the main priest readers interact with is the receiving end of a slew of jokes. They don’t care about anything the Darkling cared for, and they don’t really want to help Grisha. This is done to muddy the waters - if the people who emulate the Darkling are selfish and without cause, well... the Darkling clearly wasn’t Good. They just think his shadow powers were cool and want him to be a Saint. They exist to slander the Darkling.

So now we have separated the Darkling from his cause, and the story continues. The Darkling is Bad. He doesn’t have a legacy. His cause is passed on to others.

But (because we’re Delta airlines and life is a f*cking nightmare) it doesn’t end there. We bring the Darkling back from the dead.

*long sigh*

Resurrection? The Curse of a Second Life;

I have wracked my brain for many an evening, trying to give reason as to why we brought the Darkling back. The obvious answer is for his role at the end of Rule of Wolves - we need him to hold the rift of the Making at the Heart of the World together. However, when Leigh Bardugo introduces real Saints, he’s not needed. Suddenly, we have a slew of characters who could do the same. Furthermore, part of why this rift exists is because the Darkling was brought back. If he is both the cause and the solution, the conflict didn’t need to be there in the first place - especially considering how inconsequential it was to the narrative.

If I had to pin a reason as to why we brought the Darkling back, it was simply to further push the Darkling from his original motivation. He comes back and... doesn’t do much. He doesn’t seem to have the same care for Grisha, he has watered down character traits, and he largely does nothing. The Darkling in the Nikolai Duology is Not The Darkling because he’s a shell of the character he used to be.

Bringing him back from the dead was unsatisfying, and it weakens his original ending. As I have mentioned in other posts, the Darkling coming back cheapens whatever meaning readers gleaned from his ending. The Darkling is resurrected and he doesn’t truly seem to care about anything - which is the direct opposite of what the Darkling has been shown to be.

The Darkling has been bastardized in any appearance he’s made after The Demon in the Wood, and ultimately, it leads to a rather anticlimactic end for such a distinctive, hallmark character.

But let’s really quick establish why the sacrifice the Darkling makes at the end of this book is unfulfilling.

Because, in the final moments of Rule of Wolves, the Darkling gets his moment of penance and sacrifice - he chooses to hold the rift. It’s said he will have to hold it for eternity. You would thing that this would leave an impact! 

However, as is, this ending leaves much to be desired for a few reasons:

The Darkling has been so far removed from his character, that when he states, “Everything I did, I did for Ravka,” it feels... incorrect? It sounds like the hollow, misguided claims of a tyrant king, because for an entire Duology, the Darkling has been bastardized and has been the cause of a blight that is killing Ravka. His presence is actively killing the country he claims to serve, and as for actions, he has done very little for Ravka, and nothing for the Grisha. The last time he did anything of substance was before Six of Crows!

None of the characters present for his sacrifice have any sympathy for the Darkling. The Darkling chooses to sacrifice himself, and we get no emotional closure. Alina isn’t there to whisper his name and mourn him, and while Zoya gets the glimmer of weak pity, we have much reason to believe that Zoya mostly feels disenchanted because he will be praised as a martyr and not hated as the evil man she knew him to be (more on that here). There isn’t sympathy so much as there is bitterness and the semblance of the remnants of tattered respect shining in the dim light.

The final chapter of Rule of Wolves tells us that it’s all going to be made inconsequential in the coming books, when they are going to replace the Darkling with something else. The Darkling won’t even get his full sacrifice, because he is undeserving of a redemptive act of selflessness.

So now, where do we leave the Darkling? For two books, we have separated him from his initial cause, watered down his character and motivations, and given him ends that are largely unsatisfying. 

We’ve actually started to fix the Grisha problem, and there’s something interesting to be said in that it’s fixed by Zoya Nazyalensky, who goes up through the chain of command in a very similar fashion as to how the Darkling planned. She was a General, and then she became Queen of Ravka - the acting monarch, no less - with a beloved public figure on her arm (which, in the Darkling’s case,  would have been Alina).

So I am left to wonder - was the lesson, then, indeed, that you cannot justify evil means for a good end? Was the moral of the Darkling all along about how you must be good throughout - with good acts and good intentions - in order to make change and be revered for it? If so, why did Leigh Bardugo slander the Darkling retroactively, the way she did?

If the problem was his actions and not his intentions, why insist that his intentions were devoid of meaning, as well?

Aleksander Morozova: What We Buried;

Now, you all knew I was going to get here eventually, and if you’ve made it, congrats. We are now talking about the emotion behind the deed, the man behind the monster, the boy swallowed by the shadows.

I believe it is pivotal to understand that Leigh Bardugo has always wanted us to struggle with our feelings over the Darkling. She wanted a character that you could sympathize with, she wanted a character with humanity, and she wanted a reason for his villainy. I think that Shadow and Bone, for all of its failings, gave us that. There’s a reason why there is such a big divide over the Darkling in the original trilogy. He was a compelling character! Somewhere along the way, Leigh Bardugo lost that nuance of her own character. At some point, she resorted to stripping him of his meaning and slandering his image. 

Perhaps I am playing the Devil’s Advocate again, but I believe this was intentionally done.

Because one has to ask - why slander the Darkling? A large portion of the fanbase already hates him, so cheapening his character is doing nothing for them other than giving them sweet vindication, which is unnecessary and only disenchants the other half of your audience. There has to be some deeper reasoning. Leigh Bardugo wanted this character to be sympathetic, so why, now, does she want him to be two-dimensional?

Once more, I am asking you to think back to the original trilogy. What was the main moral? That power, no matter how good-intentioned the pursuit of it is, corrupts. What is the Darklings purpose of coming back again if not to simply have power? He certainly shows no other motive than lusty greed, after being resurrected.

And even if we ignore his lust for power, as he so willingly gives it up to Zoya Nazyalensky in the end of Rule of Wolves, we have two other corrupting forces that could account for the degradation of his character - time, and  death.

We know the Darkling to have lived for eons, and he would have continued to live on for an eternity more. There is nothing like time to truly corrupt a character’s vision, and there is nothing like death and resurrection to husk a character.

In fact, if Mal’s character did anything of importance when it comes to effecting the Darkling, it lies in the epilogue of Ruin and Rising, where it is stated that “the boy and the girl had both known loss.” Mal’s loss is equated to Alina being stripped of her power - that is the power of having died, and being forcefully brought back to life. That is a vague basis for which we readers can compare what it must have been like for the Darkling to come back - even if he is so desensitized to feeling, that he doesn’t remark on it himself.

But let’s keep chugging on.

When we first met the Darkling in 2012 Shadow and Bone, he was unfeeling. He was cold and harsh. There was something beneath the surface, yes, but there were thick sheets of ice in the way. You had to mine for it. Time had already warped the actions of his intentions. It’s expected that time would continue to do its damage, and when he is revived in King of Scars, his intentions are warped as well. He is nothing of the person he used to be other than memories and power. That is why, at the end of Rule of Wolves, when he states that he did everything for Ravka, it feels hollow - that was once true, but the Darkling has even lost that. He has the vague impression of it, but nothing you can sink your teeth into.

I think, had this idea been looked at in deeper depth, it would have been a far more compelling story. Had Rule of Wolves really dedicated itself to showing the Darkling’s conflict of his current apathy, and the knowledge that there was once a time he possessed meaning, we could have found the marrow of his arc. If the book had made an allusion to this concept, his character would have been more satisfying. But as it stands, the Darkling is just degraded in the later books, and unless you really search for meaning, there isn’t any.

And perhaps, if the Darkling had been a different character - a character who, at his core, was more unfeeling - the way we left him would feel okay.

But while The Darkling was harsh and cruel, Aleksander Morozova wasn’t, and that’s what has us all hung up on his character.

If you haven’t read The Demon in the Wood for whatever reason, do yourself a favor and read that instead of revisiting the show’s version of his villain origin story. The show made the Darkling far less compelling by showing him as the grief stricken Black Heretic, rather than the boy within. When we meet Aleksander, he is a boy who is afraid of the world, who has never belonged in it or with others, and who is, ultimately, afraid of himself. With his mother, Baghra, he has taken on a thousand names and traveled a thousand places, and all the while, he is afraid of getting too close to others because he is an amplifier and he knows that if any Grisha were to find out, they would kill him for his power.

Thus, there is so much nuance to his relationship with the Grisha. He is one of them, but he is not. To hark back to our history lesson, he is the exact opposite of the “specially Othered” character that is so often given to protagonists. Instead of acting as a go-between, he is the one person that everyone - Grisha and otkazat’sya - can come together to kill.

And as a little boy, he knows that. He knows he has to stay in the shadows, and yet, he is deathly afraid of the dark - afraid of that which sets him apart, and that which he cannot escape.

This is poignant because at the root of every great character is a singular, vulnerable emotion, and for the Darkling, it is fear. And most importantly, fear of the shadows.

When he meets Alina, we truly see the strength of their duality. We truly see why he was so drawn to Alina - why he could so easily fall in love with her, despite the years and despite the tide, and despite his fear of letting others in. She is his equal and opposite - with her, there are no shadows. There is no fear. The fact that he lets Alina use him as an amplifier is so telling of his deep feelings for Alina.

Where each reader draws the line between their dynamic - either him truly loving Alina, or him simply loving and obsessing over the idea of her - is for the individual to decide. The wonderful thing about the Darkling in his current state in the original Shadow and Bone Trilogy is that he still has good intentions within him, no matter how corrupted by his evil actions. Whether or not they truly could have been is up to each person because the question over whether or not Alina could “purify” the Darkling was never deeply explored. We will never know if she could save him, or if it would have destroyed her in the end. Whether or not you want her to try is personal preference.

Again, Alina didn’t want to fully commit to that act, and so we readers will never truly know. Luckily, fanfiction exists.

But, I didn’t name this section “what we buried” for nothing, and I think it’s important to note that even in the beginning of The Demon in the Wood, the Darkling was already on his way toward a darker, harsher existence.

Baghra, from presumably the moment he was born, groomed the Darkling to be a certain way - the same way as her, a survivor with little hope, living for the sake of living and fighting for the sake of a meal. She had no plans to save the world - it was only after the Darkling had a run in with the possibility of death that he unearthed a deep desire within him - the desire to save the Grisha. Before that, it was buried.

Before that, the Darklings' desires were buried beneath his mother’s words and buried beneath the dirt that settled over his heart like a shallow grave, because his connection to others was buried as well. Baghra did that, and whether or not she was misguided or if she was the smarter of the two is an essay better tackled by looking at her, specifically, which we won’t do here.

As we’re reaching the end, I feel like I have earned the right to be cliche and quote the Darkling’s thoughts from when he was still a boy, but already a shadow. In The Demon in the Wood, he thinks:

“My father is dust. You all are.”

At such a young age, the Darkling has already lost his grip. Already, he knew he would outlive and outlast anyone, and this heavy knowledge was already piling up, and he was slowly being buried alive in his own infinence.

It was only ever inevitable that his story would end like this - with a detached man who was once a hopeful boy, but could no longer recall what such confidence tasted like - so perhaps the tragic beauty in the end of Ruin and Rising was not that he died, it was that he wasn’t given an end.

— Special kudos to @onceupon-a-decembr​ who let me scream about this with her, and another kudos to @musicallisto​ who introduced me to a book series that I will never stop screaming about. Ever.

— tagging: @maybanksslut, @musicallisto, @catsbooksandmusic, @thefifthweasley, @thegirlwhocriedwerewolf, @amirahiddleston, @lachichapequena, @mrs-brekker15, @amortensie // add yourself to the taglist here!

#grishaverse #grishaverse meta #shadow and bone #shadow and bone meta #meta #meta analysis #writing #the darkling #aleksander morozova #the darkling meta #i am once again ranting about the grishaverse #if miss leigh bardugo wants me to stop analyzing her characters and (kind of drag her) she better put me in the writers room. #or put me in the show her choice #and there's more i could have added to this smh #but i feel like people stop reading after 5.6k words.

[reginaofdoctorwho]

if anyone wants to recommend musicals to me I would fucking adore that. Until then, here are some suggestions:

Love in Hate Nation-- LET’S GO LESBIANS! 1960s sapphic love story taking place in a girls’ reformatory. Also, trans girl played by trans actress!!! Some of the amazing songs are “I Hope” and “Oh Well”. Susannah Son wants to be a singer, her performative activist boyfriend is gross and also wants her to marry him so he’ll have better options politically. Sheila Nail is so fucking cool and I love everyone in this. My brain cuts out about this I’m so sorry babes. There is not a cast recording but there IS an original cast bootleg on youtube.

Holy Musical B@man!-- If you liked the goofiness of 1960s Batman and Robin, but think “man, these guys should’ve been able to swear! And also should have had a candy themed villain!” this is the musical for you. Also if you’ve heard of the very queer Harry Potter musical that JK herself tried to sue over, it’s made by the same group <3. As usual with Team Starkid, whole thing is up for free on youtube by the creators.

Firebringer-- Speaking of the same group... Cave people sapphics who I think are bi or pan. I love them and they’re all so dumb. Also, if you’ve seen the “I don’t really wanna do the work today” vine, that comes from this. I do not remember any of the second half other than one of them taking the ring the other is proposing with... to propose. And the “*blows kiss*” “fuck no, Zazz” “duly noted”. Kind of like a shitpost musical. Once again, free by creators. Actually, check out any of their musicals.

The Prom-- In Indiana, Emma just wants to take her girlfriend to the prom, and in response, the PTA cancels it. With some help from some broadway actors looking for good publicity, they manage to pull it off. So, to summarize, teen lesbian gets gay uncle who knows what she’s going through!! This musical makes me cry every goddamn time. There is a movie now, and I’m very happy about that because *high profile gay rep on netflix*, but I personally did not like the direction they took with it. They put a weird amount of emphasis on biological rather than found family in the movie, and were a little too forgiving when it came to trauma from family for being gay. Also, they took away Emma being butch. This was sadly (loosely) based on a recent true story from I think 2012. Also, was the first gay kiss in the Macy’s parade. You know those movie musicals the straight girls in theater like? The music is similar, but gayer, and for some reason that makes me so fuckng happy. I think it’s because non-queer people have had musicals for so long, and those normally have a 60s vibe, and the music in this does too and it feels more classic?? Sapphic promposal song (het at the beginning). “Unruly Heart” and the end of Act 1 will break you. Please ignore the bad wigs.

Spies Are Forever-- GAY SPIES GAY SPIES GAY SPIES!! Curt Mega (played by... Curt Mega) lost his partner Owen during a mission. Now, he’s just trying to get back into spying like Owen would want. I fucking weep every time. Also, a song about comphet (at 6:36)!! And here is a video essay on how it relates to the Lavender Scare. I want you all to know that everyone also headcanons the femme fatale spy in it as either a lesbian or aroace, which uh, makes sense. Also high quality videos put up by creators. They had Jewish people making fun of Nazis while writing this, but “Not so Bad” is... kinda bad. “Torture Tango” has so much goddamn sexual tension and becomes devastating.

Hadestown--  If you know the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, it’s like that, except capitalism part 1. Orpheus is a poor musician, Eurydice dies, just like the myth. Except, the Great Depression post-apocalyptic setting that works better than it probably should. There are actually 3 soundtracks: the concept album, off-Broadway, and Broadway. I personally don’t like the concept album purely based on vibe. Off-Broadway has an absolutely gorgeous sounding Orpheus, and if you’ve heard of the disaster that was Spiderman: Turn Out the Dark, then you’ve heard of surprisingly amazing Broadway Orpheus Reeve Carney. The Fates are gorgeous and I’ve decided they’re queer. Tony’s performance link here. Explores relationships, with Hades and Persephone’s aging relationship mirrored by Orpheus and Eurydice’s relatively new one. Anyway, unionize.

Jasper in Deadland-- If you know the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, it’s like that, except capitalism part 2. Jasper is a teen who’s best friend Agnes is pretty much the one good thing left in his life. His mom left, he got kicked off the swim team (he’s manic pixie dream boy in this, especially for swimming), and Agnes dies at the beginning trying to show Jasper that she’s brave and he should be too. So, he bravely ventures into Deadland to find her, meeting Gretchen the tour guide along the way. He also finds out that since he’s still living, he can bring memories back to the dead. Songs like “Stroke by Stroke” (he’s uh, definitely a teen, guys) and “Living Dead” (I shared a prinxiety animatic of that on here a while ago).They blend Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Christian, and whatever Dante’s Inferno counts as together to create Deadland. Story’s kinda hard to follow from the soundtrack, so if u wanna learn how it all ties together message me.

Death Note Musical-- Okay babes, here’s where it gets tough. It was written originally in English, and there is a spectacular English concept album, but the only productions have been in South Korea, Japan, and I think Taiwan. Listen to it anyways, find a bootleg of it with english subtitles. It has so much gay tension and also a truly ethereal character who seems to be a lesbian who is also either demisexual or demiromantic. If any of y’all saw the anime like me, it kind of cuts out the arc after episode 26. I personally thought it was actually a better story for it.

Alice by Heart-- Okay, this one makes me fucking cry every goddamn time. In WW2, these poor goddamn kids are all alone in the Tube System (is that what y’all call it? genuinely asking here) with none of their parents but still some grownups. Alice’s best friend Alfred is dying of tuberculosis, and to try to have one last thing together they start reading Alice in Wonderland, only for Nurse Hart to rip it apart to try to separate healthy Alice from dying-from-TB Alfred. It doesn’t work, and Alice proclaims she “knows it all by heart”, She tries to linger in the story with Alfred to have more time with him, he keeps trying to move it along because he’s dying and wants to finish it one last time. Themes are growing up and grief I guess.

Last I checked, there is a bootleg for all of these on youtube. Have fun!

#love in hate nation #holy musical b@man #firebringer #the prom #spies are forever #hadestown #jasper in deadland #death note musical #alice by heart #i know more gay ones too if u want that

[subconscious-thoughts]

Fall In Love with Someone's Strength

Everyone deserves love, everyone deserves to be accepted, and everyone deserves to be understood too.

No one is perfect; we all have our "weaknesses", our flaws, our dark side, red flags, and/or toxic character traits.

There's nothing wrong with falling in love, there's nothing morally wrong in believing you can change someone with your love, there's nothing wrong with still caring about someone who hurts you on purpose or unconsciously.

But understand that these beliefs have consequences whether you like to admit it or not, and if you're like me who's affected by the consequences of these beliefs. Come join me, let's take some time to reflect.

Currently, I have a friend right now who is staying in a somewhat unhealthy relationship. One thing she told me that stuck with me is that she fell in love with this guy's "weakness", his "vulnerability" she says. I don't know about you guys, but to me people having a vulnerable side is a normal thing. It's just a matter of people opening it up, but either way it's still normal to me when people show their vulnerable side. It could be because of my mindset of always expecting the duality in people.

But why am I stuck at this? Why do I keep going back to what she said? There's something about loving someone because of their weaknesses that bothers me. Because I too, used to think the same thing. I used to be attracted and motivated to get into relationships with people who show their "other side", cause I thought seeing someone's vulnerable side meant I was special and that this person trusted me. (Which is true, but only the part that they trusted me).

That was the problem, it made me feel special. It was like a subliminal way of getting someone's approval that felt so addictively satisfying to have. But... if recent experiences have taught me anything is that, loving someone because of their flaws? Will guarantee that they will take advantage of you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should suddenly up and leave or villify someone for having flaws. That's not my point, my point is we shouldn't give someone a reason to continue what they know is wrong. Right? The best we can do is understand and accept the way that they are, but just because you love them doesn't mean you should tolerate their misbehaviors. Especially misbehaviors that can usually drain the life out of you.

So it just occured to me, that when we fall in love. It's best that we fall in love with someone's strength(s). (Honesty, compassion, intelligence, patience, etc.) because our love, is the reward. If psychology has taught me anything, people are susceptible to operant conditioning especially in relationships.

When you reward a behavior, they will continue that behavior. In this context; if you reward a toxic behavior with love, then they will continue that toxic behavior. If you reward good behavior with love, then they will continue that good behavior.

If you say that "If they really loved me then they would change." Duh.

But we have to understand that we're not, "not loving" them by telling them to stop their misbehaviors. By setting boundaries we protect our hearts (which we should), and we are able to continue our relationship with them in a healthy and sustainable manner.

Love should be free and unconditional, yes. But our hearts have its limits, we all know it. If we are unconditionally accepting others, shouldn't we be also doing the same for ourselves?

#Personal #Reflection #Love #Weaknesses #Relationships #Motives #Motivation #Romance #Fall in love #advice #life #thinking #thoughts #quotes #ideas #introspection #duality #people #self love

[etherealxgenie]

Why ‘Adrien is Oblivious’ is a Misconception || Miraculous Why?

(Before I begin, note that this is my opinion over the topic and am no way am bashing anyone’s love for a ship and/or character. I respect who and what you like, therefore expect the same courtesy. However, if this is something you cannot handle, please click the back button as this will be a heavily discussed topic. Critiques are welcomes, Flames will be deleted. Other than that, enjoy.)

So I know I said I don’t normally get involved when it comes to the Miraculous fandom, but there’s always one thing that’s been bothering me from nearly the beginning since the series began.

Even before I had the ugly divorce from the love square after Desperada, I always found it hard to believe with the way Marinette behaved around Adrien was completely unnoticeable. And because of the way Adrien seems to not take note of it, fans (pure and toxic) automatically make the assumption that he’s oblivious or dumb.

But did people ever take the time to divulge why and to view it in his perspective? Aside from the excuse of bad writing, I think there could be other reasons as to why Adrien doesn’t acknowledge her behavior. And she doesn’t hide her feelings around him either while wearing the mask either, so far that she makes the same stuttering speeches and frantic hand motions.

But here’s a list of reasons for Adrien to have which can be plausible:

1) He IGNORES it. 



Now before you go and start bashing the poor boy (god knows the fandom lacks the sympathy), keep in mind Adrien IS a celebrity of Paris. I dunno exactly how the celebrity lifestyle maybe different for the U.S, but I’m pretty sure this would have to do of how he was taught. As the face of Gabriel and with the reaction from several fans alone, Adrien was probably told by Gabriel in regards about fans and how they would react to him and how he has to ignore such barbaric measures. And given the way he sees fans react to him (Gorizilla), he believes his father is right.

In regards of Marinette, he hopes to make a friend for her instead of seeing her as one of his fans, even if he appreciates the support.

2) He’s looking for FRIENDSHIP, not ROMANCE

Adrien is starting a new chapter in his life and is looking for some normality at his new school. More so, he’s looking to make more friends. There could be to some reasons why for one of wanting a better friendship than what Chloe or Felix had set an example for. Mainly of course for the fact that Adrien is lonely and looking for companionship of his choice.

But he’s not in the rush for a straight out relationship.

I know what you’re thinking: “But he’s asked out Ladybug constantly! What the hell are you talking about?”. Well truth be told, Adrien as Chat may just be looking for an excuse to hang out with her. There’s no denial he’s attracted to her personality or admires her, but he DOES wants to get to know her first. Which is something Marinette fails to let happen as both herself AND Ladybug.

Now it is true Marinette has done things to help and may know stuff about him (either through stalking or researching online), but she hasn’t taken the time to get to know him on a personal level. She doesn’t know if he’s an anime lover, what he dreams of doing or how he likes puns. And as Ladybug when he show his more true self, she automatically rejects him with the somewhat reasonable excuse fear for identities. I’ll leave that alone as I’ll do another thing on identities later.

So in regards of Marinette’s ‘love’ (obsession), Adrien is just looking for friendship with her and not love. He’s not ready for a full on relationship yet where he’s starting fresh on friendships, which is why dating Kagami didn’t work out (I didn’t need to watch S4 to predict that). She pressured him into a relationship and expected them to be the perfect couple. It was clear he was not ready and yet seemed to ignore it anyway for her feelings towards him. For a healthy relationship to work, you need to think about the ‘we’ and not ‘me’ and to take time.

3) He’s SOCIALLY CHALLENGED

We don’t know how it really was when Emilie was around, but it seemed regardless Adrien had a strict childhood. His father, Gabriel Agreste, seems to have the main say of his life to control him as he saw fit, to mold Adrien the way HE wants him too. And because of such strictness, Gabriel is the kind of person to only tell Adrien the needed lesson to keep him under his thumb along with keeping him isolated.

Similar of how Judge Claude Frollo did to Quasimodo. Just as Mother Gothel did to Rapunzel and Cassandra.

And for those reasons alone, Adrien is left without the majority skills needed to make it on his own, including how to socialize and interact in a way with certain people. The only socializing skills he had probably was how to interact in regards of fans or how to avoid bad publicity. Something enough in regards to being a celebrity. Gabriel didn’t nor has planned for Adrien to have any interaction with others beyond that.

This particular reason alone helps understand his plight more and why 90% salt/bashing/hate thrown at him is completely unnecessary. Especially during ‘Chameleon’ and ‘Ladybug’.

Adrien is like Quasimodo and Rapunzel, being thrust into the new world after escaping their tower only to discover many things they’re not familiar with. Imagine being at the age of 14 but your parents haven’t been the best and haven’t taught you how to socialize with certain people. Then the teen could act in a certain way with anyone: friends, adults and even strangers in which they teen can be taken advantage of.

But how does he adapt quickly to being Chat Noir, you ask? Adrien probably had only but fantasies to fall back on whenever he’s isolated and alone. Probably even dreamed of a superhero rescuing him or taking him away to a new life where he’s free to be himself. His greatest nightmare shown in “Sandboy” is nothing about Ladybug or anyone else, but being locked away in his room for the rest of his life.

He’s no doubt a secret comic geek and probably dreamed of being a hero himself. Chat Noir is far from perfect, but he catches on of how a true hero should act. He’s also adapts quickly and is perceptive of behaviors. Like the way Ladybug and Fu doesn’t tell him the entire truth of what they plan for the future and try to isolate him from it. And between the two, Chat Noir perfects more of hiding his identity. Not for the fact of probably reading about it, but because Chat is someone he always wanted to be that he can’t as Adrien.

So the next time if you observe the show or read any works in regarding Adrien’s behavior and before you chalk it up as oblivious, dumb, stupid or selfish… how about you dive into his perspective and try to understand more of his side? There’s two sides to every story.

#adrien sugar #marinette neutral #kagami neutral #miraculous ladybug #miraculous why #artist opinion #artist speaks #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrien deserves better #kagami tsurugi #stockhom syndrome #gabriel agreste #//i'm just tired of people making this excuse for adrien

[verai-marcel]

Of Dragons and Love (RDR2 Fanfic, Arthur x F!Reader, 18+)

Summary: Arthur didn't want to come to Strawberry, didn't want to help a certain sniveling rat escape his cell. So he decides to explore the town instead and runs into a mysterious woman whom he can't let go. 

Author’s Notes: I’m gonna take a moment and lean hard on my heritage to pull some inspiration from an old Cantonese opera. And we're gonna leave Micah in his cell because nuts to that guy. So pretend this takes place in chapter two when Arthur was supposed to go rescue him, but decided to do a side quest instead. This was written for the RDR Mini Bang! @rdrbigbang

Tags: Arthur x F!Reader, spoilers, Chinese mythology-inspired, alternate timeline, mild exophilia, insta-love, magic, smut, HEA

Word Count: 6,378

Accompanying Artwork: @danger-r-98-5 has made some wonderful art for this fic!

AO3 Link is here.

--------------------

Arthur stepped into the small town of Strawberry and immediately wanted to turn around. He could pretend Micah was dead. He could just bide his time and wait for him to hang. 

As he rode through the small town, he passed the small jail and kept going to the visitor's center. Seeing the map of the nearby area tacked onto the wall next to the entrance, he hitched his horse and walked over to take a better look. 

"Welcome to Strawberry, good sir!" 

Arthur flicked a tired glance at the boisterous man before continuing his casual perusal of the map, waiting to see if he would leave. When the man remained beside him, he sighed, exasperated. 

"Hullo," he said without looking at the other man.

"Are you here for business or pleasure?" 

"Uh, just passin' through." It sure as hell wasn't for pleasure, and his business was his own. 

"Ah, I see. Well, please keep us in mind if you ever want to spend a day relaxing in our lovely town. This hotel is the coziest in West Elizabeth," the man boasted, gesturing behind him. "And the scenic Mount Shann and Owanjila Dam aren't too far from here."

"Alright."

"And Big Valley, just past the mountains, is a beautiful place to hunt and camp."

"Uh huh."

When Arthur continued to look at the map without any further inclination towards interacting with him, the man gave up on his sales pitch. "Well, I'll be inside if you have any questions."

"Ayup."

Finally alone, Arthur focused on the path that would take him to Owanjila. He'd been meaning to do a bit of fishing and commune with nature. Seemed like as good a place as any. 

Anything to postpone the reason he came here.

***

You weren't sure how you lived so long, not knowing what you were. You had been living with your mother for two decades, not knowing who your father was. Your mother didn't talk about him, and the one time you asked, she had simply said one thing. 

"He disappeared."

You didn't know what that meant exactly, and she did not explain. 

Until one day, on your twentieth birthday, he appeared. A large, scary looking man came to your door. Your mother paled and tried not to react, but when he held out a necklace and told her how sorry he was for leaving her alone, she broke down and cried. 

You found out that when she was young, your mother lived in a small house by a waterfall that fed a large lake. There was a growing town not too far from there, where she worked as a waitress.

One day, on the other side of the lake, a group of Chinese workers made camp as they worked on the railway that was coming through town. They were not welcomed in the town by most people, but your mother took pity on them and sold them food and other groceries, for a delivery fee. 

Somehow, your father had caught her eye, and they developed a secret relationship. When her parents discovered the love letter your father had written to your mother, she was kicked out of the house, without anything of hers to take with her. When your mother had gone to the camp to look for your father, it had been abandoned, the workers having left hours earlier to the next site. 

Broken hearted, your mother had thrown the necklace he had gifted her into the lake and left town, moving to Strawberry and giving birth to you. You had grown up here, made friends, had a few short dalliances with boys here while you grew up.

Strawberry was a small town, but there was a creek running through it, and when you had free time, which was not often these days, you loved to follow the creek to a waterfall and watch the water. You always felt an affinity with the water, felt like it always pulled at your very soul. You had learned how to swim with ease; your mother had said you were like a fish. 

Your father explained why he had left, and why he had finally come back. 

"I am a Dragon," he had said. "Great-great grand-nephew of the Dragon King of the North Sea."

He was an immortal creature, drawn to the belief of his people in a foreign land, looking for something to comfort them while they worked in dangerous conditions to make money to send home to their families. He protected them, guided them, and thus, had to follow where they went. When the camp left suddenly, he had no time to say goodbye and was nearly dragged away, the pull of his people’s belief taking him with them.

But now he was free, his people having finished their jobs. They had dispersed, either leaving for China or moving to San Francisco, where other Dragon Gods held domain and took over the belief of his former followers. So he started looking for his long lost love, who still cared for him deep in her heart, and traced the thread of emotion leading back to her.

He promised to take care of you and your mother from now on, and he made good on his promise. For the past five years, he had worked alongside the two of you, making your small farm plot healthy and fertile. 

It helped that he could make the sky rain whenever you needed it. 

He had also trained you in your small powers. Because you had been untrained for so long, your powers were weak, but over time, and with practice, they grew steadily stronger. You could breathe underwater. You could swim faster than humanly possible. And while you couldn't transform into a dragon, your hair became teal and your skin could shift into a bluish-grey tint. It was a bit unsettling the first time you did it in the mirror. 

But your most favorite power of all was the ability to shape nearby water to your will. At first, you could only move a small amount of water in a mug. But over time, you could move water in pitchers, basins, buckets, barrels, and even water troughs for animals. 

At this point, if you entered a pond, you could easily create ripples and small waves just by focusing on your energy and sending it outwards from you. 

Five years had passed since he had come back, and you had learned so much. Your life was so peaceful now that it came as no surprise when your parents announced that they wanted to move back to their hometown. Of course something had to change; that was the only constant in life, after all.

But you didn’t want to leave. You loved Strawberry. This was your home.

Your father had let out a breath, then smiled, much to your surprise.

“Owanjila does not have a spirit to guard it, since it’s a new body of water. Perhaps… you can become its guardian.”

“But I’m half-human,” you had said.

“So is Owanjila,” he said.

You nodded and smiled. Now you knew why he had been training you so hard all these years.

***

Arthur was pleasantly relaxed for the first time in a long time. He had spent all day fishing and gathering herbs after he set up a small campsite tucked away in the thicker part of the forest. It was quiet on this side of the lake, since all the travelers would go across the dam to take in the scenery. He was glad he picked a spot that was farthest from, for he didn’t have the energy to even say hello.

With a couple of large fish, he made his way back to his campsite, cooked up a fine meal with his freshly picked herbs, and spent some time writing and drawing before looking up at the stars before he fell asleep, the campfire quietly dying as his snores melded with the rest of the night.

***

It had been three months since your parents had left you here. They had sold the small farm and used the money to help you fix up a small abandoned fishing cabin out here on the far side of the lake, where you could hunt and gather on your own, trading furs and fish in town. Ever since you had become the guardian, the fish had spawned much more frequently and grew faster than normal, keeping you well fed. You figured it was a side-effect of the lake having a guardian spirit now.

You looked at your hands; yesterday, you had tripped on a step as you walked back from town, getting some small cuts on the palms of your hands as they had scraped against the gravel. Today, they had healed so quickly that there were no scars; you had never healed so quickly before. You wondered if your powers were growing and had walked into town earlier today to send a letter to your folks, letting them know what had happened.

It was late; the moon was high in the sky, and as bright as the electric lights in St Denis. You were roused from your sleep by the pull of the moon, and knew that it was time.

You took off your clothes and set them on your front porch. Walking to the water’s edge, you slipped into the water without a sound, the liquid embracing you as if you were an old friend.

“Hello, Owanjila,” you whispered as you walked deeper and deeper until you were completely submerged. Then you transformed, your skin turning bluish-grey, your hair shifting to a beautiful teal, and your gills appearing near your collarbone. You kicked your legs and swam gracefully through the water, spinning and twirling as you joyfully moved through the water as easily as you could walk on land.

Once you reached the middle of the lake, you bolted upwards, your legs kicking in unison with such speed and power that you broke the surface easily, your body shooting into the air. You let out a whoop of excitement, for it was only during full moons that you could fly this high out of the water; you had certainly tried other times. For a moment, the starry sky and the bright moon seemed impossibly close, and you held out your hands as if you could gather them all up and hold them tight forever.

Flipping backwards, you extended your hands in front of you and dove back into the water with barely a splash.

***

“Huh, whuzzah,” Arthur muttered as he was jolted awake by the sound of someone yelling. Immediately on alert, Arthur reached for his pistol and carefully made his way out of the tent, looking around. Seeing nothing but trees and rocks after circling his campsite twice, he was about to go back into his tent.

Another yell echoed through the trees. It didn’t sound like anyone in danger, more like… elation? 

His curiosity piqued, he quietly made his way towards the lake, following the sounds of the water sloshing around as if someone was swimming. Coming to the shoreline, he saw the full moon, reflected in the water, with ripples circling from the center of the reflection.

Unable to stop himself, Arthur found a nearby rock and climbed it to better see the center of the lake. Squatting down, he peered out at the water.

Something shot out of the water at breakneck speed, surprising him enough that he fell onto his ass.

For a split second, he saw everything clearly.

He saw her nude form, water glistening off her skin, the moon bathing her in a silvery light. He saw the look of ecstasy on her face as she looked up at the moon.

He saw her eyes as they met his.

Arthur’s heart skipped a beat.

Then she was gone, diving back into the water like an arrow, hardly disturbing the surface.

Sitting up, he crawled to the edge of the rock and peered at the spot, waiting for her to return. Part of him wondered if he had imagined it, and part of him hoped she was real. He had felt like he had seen something so evanescently ephemeral that his heart fluttered like a child seeing fireworks. He wanted to experience that sparkling feeling again and again. 

When his knees ached and his joints complained, he finally gave up, climbed off the rock, and returned to his tent. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but it didn’t come quickly as his heart continued to race. When he finally managed to nod off, his dreams were filled with a mysterious woman with an expression so filled with euphoria that he could almost taste her joy.

***

You were mortified. A man was camping around your lake and you hadn’t noticed? Granted, you were in town most of the day trying to sell some rabbit pelts, and then you had written your letter at the post office since you had run out of ink and bought some at the general store and didn’t want to walk all the way back to your cabin. 

But still, you hadn’t noticed. You supposed it was because he had no ill intent. It wasn’t that you could sense people, that wasn’t how your power worked; it was more you could feel out harmful intentions. People who came and went on the dam were usually harmless tourists and you took no notice of them. But occasionally that greedy mayor would come up here and consider building some cheap cabins out on the lake as tourist traps, and you would cause the lake to be extra choppy that day, splashing water on him if you were nearby. It was usually enough to change his mind.

You stayed at the bottom of the lake, waiting long enough before you slowly swam up again, moving towards the edge of the lake before you poked your head up from the water.

He was gone.

You sighed in relief and swam back to your cabin, looking around once more before getting out and back onto your porch. Grabbing your clothes, you got inside and dried off, thinking of the man’s shocked expression.

But what came to your mind most of all was that in the moonlight, you had managed to make eye contact. In that moment, your heart had pounded like you had seen something beautiful. 

Despite your embarrassment at being caught naked and in your half-dragon form, you wanted to see him in the daylight. You wanted to find out who he was, and why your heart had finally moved after all these years.

***

Arthur came out of his tent, bleary eyed as he yawned. He hadn’t gotten a whole lot of sleep, but he was, for better or for worse, used to it. The sound of a crackling of a fire and the sight of a figure sitting with their back turned was also something he was used to.

Until he realized that the fire had gone out last night and he had come to this place alone. Reaching for his pistol, he stopped when he heard her speak.

“I mean you no harm.”

Arthur, suspicious, for people who had said that to him before often would turn around and shoot him, put a hand on his pistol, but left it in its holster. Coming out of his tent and rising to his full height, he walked around to face the woman at his campfire.

When she looked up at him, he felt like he was hit with an arrow.

Those same eyes from last night met his, and he felt like the whole world slowed and became silent. All he saw was her, and he didn’t care about anything else.

***

His eyes were beautiful, like gemstones sparkling in the morning light. His hair was tousled from sleep, but it made you think of him in bed next to you. You swallowed. Why were you thinking of waking up next to him? You barely knew him!

But you couldn’t ignore the heat in your veins as your eyes traveled down his body. His very tall, muscular body. Oh gods, you felt your heartbeat quicken as you suddenly had a mental image of him climbing over you, his naked body above yours, his big hands holding your hips as he thrust—

“Can I help you, miss?” the man finally asked, his voice rough from sleep. His voice was like whiskey, flowing smoothly over your body and making you burn with need. He swallowed, and you watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down in his throat. Oh, to lick that sun-kissed skin…

You shook your head, both in answer to him and to clear the lustful images from your head. “I’m alright, I just wanted to share your campfire.”

***

“Oh?” Arthur asked, sitting down beside her to hide his body’s reaction to meeting her eyes. When he had met her gaze, he was hit hard with desire, the sudden image of her beneath him, legs spread, her expression of ecstasy for him and him alone.

For a brief moment, he wanted to take her, to guide her to the ground and thrust wildly inside of her like an animal.

But instead he reeled himself in; he wasn’t that kind of man. He didn’t even know why he had such a visceral reaction to her. All he knew was that she was sitting here with him now, and she was beautiful. When she turned away, he felt like he was suddenly lost, and wished for her to look at him once more with those mysterious eyes. He observed her as she poked the fire with a stick, wondering what she was thinking.

“So, uh, you live around here?” he asked, berating himself immediately for such an awkward question.

“I do, just down the shoreline,” she replied.

“Oh.”

She turned to meet his gaze, and he felt it once more. A pull, stronger than any he had ever known, as if she was hypnotizing him with just one look. Unable to stop himself, he leaned in closer, her lips beckoning him.

“What are you doing?” she asked curiously.

The spell broken, Arthur quickly leaned back and sputtered, “I, uh, I don’t know, to be honest.”

The woman smiled at him, and he felt his entire world light up with fireworks.

“What’s your name?”

“Arthur.”

“Nice to meet you, Arthur.”

She told him her name, and he repeated it just so he could say it out loud. He loved the way her name rolled off his tongue. He had shivered with desire from the way she had said her name. 

“So you saw me last night,” she said after a few moments.

He smiled nervously as guilt wracked him. “Uh, yup. I’m sorry, I didn’ mean to peek.”

“It’s alright, I should’ve been more careful,” she said, a wry grin on her face. “Usually no one camps here.”

Silence stretched between them as Arthur wondered what he should say, if anything.

She brought up her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. “And there’s not much to look at anyway,” she said self-deprecatingly.

“You were beautiful,” he blurted out suddenly. He couldn’t believe she’d think that. He wanted to burn the sight of her coming out of the water into his memories so he’d never forget.

She turned her head to look at him, and he felt the pull once more, but it was tinged with melancholy. It made his heart clench. He reached out and put an arm around her, pulling her into his chest, desperate to ease the pain. “Yer beautiful,” he repeated.

***

Surrounded by warmth, you sank into his chest and breathed in his scent. His natural musk, layered with balsam and leather, was soothing to you, made you feel safe and protected. No other man had affected you like this. Was this how your parents had fallen for each other? Was it an instant attraction?

You had been taught to follow your instincts, and something about this man made you want to keep him forever. To hold him tight and never let him go.

So you reached back out to him, wrapping your arms around his broad torso. Looking up at him, meeting his surprised expression, you leaned forward and kissed him. His lips were chapped but pliable as you pushed forward, pressing your body against his.

You were met with a startled grunt. He let you go and backed away, like a shy lady from an all too amorous man.

“Y-you barely know me,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper.

“Sorry,” you said, shrinking back on yourself. Maybe you misread him, maybe he was just saying you were beautiful to make you feel better. Maybe you were just lonely and wanted to connect with him, the first man who had made you feel something in years.

“Look,” he said, leaning forward again, “it’s not that I don’t want to, I just think, well, maybe we git to know each other a bit more first before, uh, well…” He trailed off, gesturing blandly.

You laughed. Of course. He was shy. Standing up, you reached out to him. “Will you stay a while? My cabin is small but it’ll protect you from the elements better than your tent. And it’ll be warmer at night too.”

Arthur stared at your hand for a moment before standing up on his own. “Alright. I’ll pack up first.”

***

Arthur wasn’t sure how he was convinced to stay in a cabin with a woman he hardly knew, but every time he met her eyes, everything else fell away and all he wanted was to be with her. 

He wasn’t sure how much time passed, maybe a few days, maybe weeks. But he had never been so content to just fish and hunt and spend time with his sweet lady. He learned about her parents, who had been small-time farmers near Strawberry before they moved to her mother’s hometown, leaving her to live on her own. When he had asked why, she had said it was because she loved it here and didn’t want to leave.

He understood why; after the first few days of just roaming the land, living off its bounty, he was quite content to just stay and forget his troubles. She would go into town and sell his furs and pelts, and when he wasn’t hunting, he would help upgrade her little cabin, fixing up small things here and there to make her more comfortable.

He had insisted on sleeping on his bedroll on the floor beside her bed, at least for now. He felt like he was working up the courage to bed her, even though she clearly had given him an open invitation to her bed. 

Every night he thought about it.

And every night, he trudged to his bedroll and slept beside her bed like a faithful pet dog.

***

14 days had passed. The new moon would be out tonight, and you were itching to go for a swim.

But with Arthur here, you hesitated. He had seen you that first night, sure. But he hadn’t seen you clearly. He hadn’t seen your skin and hair color change, your gills at your collarbone, your preternaturally fast swimming. 

As you stood at the end of your little fishing dock that was connected to the porch of your cabin, you sighed. Watching the setting sun streak its beautiful orange rays across the water, you internally debated if you should show him so you could freely act as the guardian once more. You had been feeling stifled as of late, only able to use your powers while he was out hunting, and only in secret in case he might come out of the forest at any given time.

“What’s the matter, darlin’?”

You smiled. He had started calling you his darling or his sweetheart after a week of gentle caresses as he walked by, or even a casual kiss on the cheek as you went into town on an errand. No matter how much he said it, you melted every time. It was endearing and charming to you, even though they were simple words. The way he said them, the love and care he put into those pet names, was everything you wanted to hear.

Turning to Arthur, you saw that he was dressed in his usual blue shirt and black ranch pants, looking concerned. Seeing the care he had for your well-being made you come to a decision. He deserved the truth of you.

“I need to show you something.”

***

Arthur swallowed as his sweet lady began to disrobe right there on the dock. He was shocked to a standstill, unable to move as he saw every inch of beautiful skin exposed to his view. His pants grew tight, his throat dry, and his internal instinct to protect surged through him.

“Darlin’, what’re you…” 

He couldn’t utter another sound as he watched her usual skin shimmer and then shift to a blue-grey tint. Her hair became teal colored, and slits appeared above her collarbone.

“Gills,” she said as she pointed at them, shrugging shyly. “I’m a dragon spirit. Or half of one.”

Arthur could only nod in both shock and awe. He had suspected she was hiding something, but he would have never guessed it was something like this. He took in her form, human and yet not, familiar and yet bizarre. But still beautiful, wonderful, her.

“Do… do I disgust you?”

“No!” Arthur said, quickly taking two steps to stand in front of her. “Yer still the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”

Seeing her smile shyly and look away, his need to assure her only grew stronger. “That why you could swim so good?” he asked, reaching up to caress her neck, right above her gills.

She nodded again.

“What’d you mean by half?” he asked, curious.

“My father, he was a dragon, the great-great grand nephew of the Dragon King of the North Sea.”

Arthur nodded. “Oh. Okay then.” He didn’t understand what that meant, but it sounded a bit important.

She tittered. “I don’t really know how important that is either,” she said, answering the unspoken question. “But I can swim real fast, breathe underwater, and I can control water a little bit,” she said, her excitement growing with each word. She turned to the water and put out her hand.

Ripples started to appear, and they grew into small waves, rolling across the surface of the lake.

She turned back to him, a happy glow to her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re not disgusted by me.”

“I’d never be,” he replied, pulling her into his arms. His gaze traveled along her face, admiring her hair color, her bluish-grey skin, and the gills at her neck, before looking at her smile, full of self-confidence. She was radiant and it made her all the more alluring. 

“You’re beautiful, no matter what.”

***

This time when you kissed Arthur, he kissed you back, unafraid, bold, confident. He quickly took over, his fingers gripping the back of your head as he pulled your body closer to his. You felt the rough fabric of his shirt sliding along your sensitive nipples and moaned softly.

He suddenly wrapped one arm around your waist and one around your ass before picking you up with ease. 

“I need you darlin’,” he murmured before turning from the dock and walking determinedly towards your cabin. He maneuvered you inside and shut the door, not wanting any interruptions. Laying you down on the bed, he stepped away to light the lantern before returning to you, taking off his hat and flinging it aside.

You shifted back to your human colors, your gills disappearing.

“Yer magical,” Arthur whispered before resting his forehead against yours and closing his eyes, a wry grin on his face. You kissed him back, smiling in return, acknowledging his silly word choice and accepting his sentiment for what it was: a compliment. He shared your gaze for a few moments before kissing you back as he unbuttoned his shirt, leaving it open while he climbed over you. You could feel his impatience as he pressed his bare chest against yours, his kisses heating up and becoming demanding.

“Arthur,” you breathed as he moved down to kiss your neck, his lips tracing lines where your gills had been.

“Why’d I wait this long,” he muttered, mostly to himself, as he ran his fingers from your hip up your belly. His touch was feather-light, almost ticklish as he skimmed the underside of your breast before tracing circles around your areola. 

You writhed, whimpering softly. He looked at you, keeping his gaze locked with yours as he leaned down and took your nipple into his mouth. 

"Oh, yes," you moaned as his tongue played with you, distracting you just long enough for his other hand to caress the inside of your thighs. You parted your legs eagerly. 

You felt Arthur smile against your skin before he switched to your other breast, giving you the same pleasure as his hand slid between your legs, his fingers exploring your slit. 

"This honey fer me, darlin'?" he asked in a low, husky voice. 

"All for you," you whispered. 

He let out a soft growl of satisfaction before dipping a finger inside of you. Your hips lifted up towards his touch. Moving away from your breast, he kissed his way up your neck, to your cheeks, then to your lips once more. He took his time tasting you, his tongue languidly caressing yours as his fingers delved inside of you, his thumb brushing against your bud, each stroke driving you higher and higher towards your peak that was approaching rapidly.

You moaned his name, muffled as it was by his mouth on yours. He growled in return, pumping his fingers faster, his thumb stroking you with determination.

"Ah, ah, Arthur!" you cried out as you climaxed. As you felt the pleasure zip through your veins, you buzzed with power for a moment before it faded. 

You didn't have time to think about it, for Arthur climbed off the bed and took off the rest of his clothes. He was such a big man, with muscles from hard work, scars from a rough life, and a dangerous grace to him. He had power and knew how to use it. 

And right now, he wanted to make you release over and over again. 

He climbed over you, just like in your fantasies, and spread your legs, wrapping them around his waist. Taking his hard length in his hand, he slid the tip around your entrance, slicking himself up as he watched you tremble beneath him. 

"You sure 'bout this, darlin'?" he murmured, a slight tremor in his voice, as if he was holding back. He didn't stop sliding the head of his cock along your slit, up and down in a slow rhythm. 

"Yes, yes please Arthur, just take me!" you begged. He was driving you mad with his gentle strokes. You lifted your hips up, causing the tip of him to slip inside. 

"So needy, sweet girl," he crooned before he pushed forward, driving himself deeper inside of you. 

You writhed and winced as your body stretched around his girth. He was sweating, holding himself steady as he waited for you to regain your breath before inching forward some more. Patiently, Arthur watched your every reaction, taking great care to control his movements until his hips finally came flush with yours. 

He murmured your name, his lips brushing against yours before he kissed you. His hands cradled your face as he grinded against you, the heat of his body warming you up like a thick quilt. Deepening the kiss, he angled your head so he could devour you. A low moan escaped him as his hips shifted, building a steady rhythm of short thrusts. 

"More, Arthur," you said when he finally let you take a breath. 

"I'll give you whatever you need," he replied before lifting himself up, letting the cool air touch your body. He pulled his cock out almost all the way and waited for an eternal moment while he stared into your eyes, the lust blowing out his pupils. 

Then he slammed back inside of you.

Your pleasure-filled yell was stopped short by Arthur's swift uptick in pace. He was hammering his cock inside of your tight, wet channel, and he couldn't get enough. Not saying a word, he only moaned and panted as he drove into you relentlessly, taking just a split second to adjust his angle before continuing. 

"So good," he moaned before he got up onto his haunches, taking your hips in his big hands, his fingers digging into your flesh as he fucked you like a man possessed. He growled, a feral sound of pleasure, before he reached down and stroked your clit. 

"Need… to… see… you… let go…" he panted. 

You tightened your legs around his waist, meeting his thrusts with your own enthusiastic motions, reaching for your breasts and playing with your nipples before him. 

"Oh darlin', you look so pretty like that," he grit out, his face contorted in an effort to control his desires. He was so close. So very close. 

"Give me everything!" you gasped, your body shaking, on the edge of a precipice so high that you almost felt fear.

Feeling your body grip him so tightly, Arthur let out a passionate shout before he spilled inside of you. His eyes were wild as he stared at you, his mouth open as he drew in breath after ragged breath. He moaned as he thrust one last time before crushing his hips to yours, keeping his shaft inside of you for as long as possible. 

As he spent himself inside of you, you felt your core suddenly overflow with ecstasy, your body shuddering as you came around his thick cock. At the same time, your power unleashed, making your body glow a bluish hue. 

"Darlin'!?" Arthur panicked, sounding winded, his brow creased with worry. 

The power that had unlocked within you gave your vision a strange overlay of colors. And within the warm orange glow of Arthur was a black cloud in his chest. You reached out through the haze of your afterglow and pulled at it. 

He gasped and coughed. 

You pulled again. Now that you had touched it, you knew it was bad. It needed to get out of his system before it did permanent damage. 

Arthur grasped his chest. "What…" he trailed off as he coughed a few more times before you managed to heave out the black cloud from his lungs. You quickly quashed it in your hands. 

Looking up at him, you put your hands on his cheeks and kissed him, pouring the last of the glowing power inside of him. On some instinctual level, you knew you had healed him of something. Whether it was an old lingering illness or a new one that was just about to form, it was now gone from his system. 

When you finally pulled away, Arthur looked bewildered. For a few seconds, or a few minutes, you weren’t sure how slow or fast time was flowing, the two of you could only stare at each other, lost in that foggy place between dreams and reality.

"What'd you pull outta me?" Arthur finally asked, still a little breathless.

"Something bad. An illness, I think,” you replied. You took a deep breath before squeezing his hand. “Whatever it was, it will no longer hurt you." 

Arthur smiled and pressed his forehead against yours. "Thank you, sweetheart."

***

Arthur left a day later, telling you that he'd be back once he had taken care of some people.

You didn't see him for a long time.

Four months passed before you saw him again. He looked ragged, skinnier, as if he had been through hell and back. But when he saw you, he rushed over and fell into your arms, holding you tight as if you were the only real thing in his world. 

***

He told you everything. He confessed that he had been the one to help that criminal escape and shot up the town. That he had been chased all over three states with his gang. That he had stolen money from several trains. That he had been on a ship that had sunk and was stranded on an island for days before finding a way back. 

He told you about John. He told you about how he had helped him escape the Pinkertons, had ran with him all the way down the mountain before telling him where to meet his family. Then Arthur had set off, the long way around through the wilds of Ambarino so he could lose the men who were chasing him, just so he could get safely back to you.

You saw now that his eyes were unclouded, having seen his world for what it was. You saw pain and regret in his eyes, but you also saw understanding and a clarity that was not there before. He appeared to have finally found wisdom at a heavy price.

After he had told you everything, you cooked him a meal of steamed fish and herbs. He ate quietly, as if his confession had stolen all of his words from him. 

He finished his meal and sat in silence for a few minutes before looking towards you. "I ain't a good man—" 

You shushed him. "You are more good than not, Arthur," you said. "We all make mistakes. You were just trying to do your best. That's all any of us can do."

Reaching for his hand across the table, you grasped it and pulled it to your chest, placing it over your heart. "Will you stay?" 

Arthur smiled hesitantly. "You… still want me?" 

You stood up and leaned across the table to kiss him. "I'll always want you, Arthur. I love you."

He kissed you back. When he looked at you, his gaze full of gratitude. "I love you too, my sweet darlin'. Thank you fer believin' in me."

--------------------

End Notes: I had to end it on a sappy note, of course. Hope you enjoyed that little romp with some folklore! 

#rdrbigbang2021 #arthur x F!reader #rdr2 fanfic #arthur morgan #rdr2 #fanfic #writing #nsft #lemon fanfic

[squishneedsahero]

Holding Tight

Broken Things to Mend

Part 2 of 1

Word Count: 9746

A soulmate au where you have the first sentence your soulmate will say to you tattooed on your body in their handwriting.

A/N: I had a need to do this all in one chapter so I apologize for the length.

Things are more than just a little bit awkward for you to figure out when Loki comes back for you. Firstly is the fact that Thor thought the both of you to be dead, second that Loki had somehow taken over Asgard and was pretending to be his father, third is the fact that you can just... do what you want. You want food? Yes you can have that, as much as you'd like too. You want to just vibe in a dark room, okay, you can do that too.

Out of everything it's probably the fourth thing that's the weirdest, and it's the fact that because Thor is off-world Loki lets you move into the palace with him, keeping some sort of illusion over you as you become healthy. You'd be surprised by how much just being a twig with grey skin masks your real appearance. Like, no one had any idea that you were the Wraith who had been in the dungeon a month ago, it made no sense so you could only agree with Loki that they must be idiots. Loki didn't really tell you much about what it was he was doing as 'king' and you didn't care enough to ask. The cover story he came up with for you was that you were a servant which was confusing but still, you knew nothing better, as far as you were concerned you were living the high life.

With Loki pretending to be his father and you pretending to be a servant the two of you kind of sneak around when you're hanging out together. That also isn't hard to do thanks to Loki's magic, most of the time is spent together in the library. He spends the time to patiently teach you how to read, and you absolutely adored it. You basically absorbed the knowledge held in those pages, taking anything you could get after millennia of knowing nothing about the universe.

You aren't anywhere near ready to do anything serious with Loki. Sure, the two of you had shared a kiss but that was in a moment of passion, relieving fears of having lost a chance with the other. You have your own suite to yourself, that allows you to figure yourself out along with every other thing that you're having to figure out. But, the two of you spend plenty of time together, reading in the library, sitting in the gardens at night and sharing meals in either his or your suite. So, you were becoming yourself. Healthy for the first time in your lifetime, no grayish skin, no longer just a wisp of a form, but how you had been each time you'd been in possession of an infinity stone.

Months pass and you grow close with your soulmate, first you got comfortable enough to hold his hand. Then it became shy kisses, as though you were a child with a crush though he was your soulmate. Eventually the both of you also discovered that from your centuries of isolation you were extremely touch starved, and Loki was as well, but as soon as you had discovered how safe you felt with his arms wrapped around you, you became a leech. That same night you'd started sharing a bed and you never wanted him to let go, every time he had to do anything as Odin you'd complain even if you still let him go.

So, yeah slowly but surely the two of you fell in love, and it was wonderful. For the first time in both of your lives you felt like you had someone you were safe with. You could be yourselves, say what you wanted and not having to worry about the other ever letting go. Pure bliss. Loki was the happiest he had been in his life, he never wanted to leave your side, to the point that he contemplated giving the throne back to Odin and running off with you. The two of you didn't get that chance.

Loki was out at one of his public appearances as Odin, keeping up the act of being king, you didn't like going out during the day so instead you stayed back in the library to read. More than surprised when he came back early, Thor following closely behind him, looking clearly upset.

"Brother what is this, take me to Father. I know he isn't on Asgard, so why have you brought me here?"

"Patience, Thor, I have some things here that I cannot just up and leave."

You look confused as they approach and Thor looks disgruntled until he finally looks up to find Loki's destination. You. His eyes widen and a smile breaks through the upset look he had been sporting, "Wraith! I thought you dead!? It is good to see you!"

Loki stops him from running to you, and instead allows you to stand up and approach them the rest of the way. You offer a small smile to Thor, and say, "my name is actually y/n."

You're close enough that Loki can't exactly stop Thor from pulling you into a hug, which shocks you more than a little bit and puts a sour look on Loki's face. Finally he puts you down and looks at you, setting a hand on your shoulder, "I'm sorry y/n, when Malekith had taken the Aether from you- you seemed dead. I apologize for leaving you on that planet."

You smile a little wider, "it's alright Thor... there was a lot happening, but Loki found me and brought me back here." You pause and glance between the two brothers, "what is it that brings you here?"

"My brother has let me think he was dead and has sent our father off to who knows where, Ragnarok is coming and Odin is needed here."

You nod, somewhat understanding but as said before you didn't ask about what Loki had done as Odin or why he had done it exactly, you just knew they had an extremely strained relationship.

"I am taking Thor to Midgard to find our father, and now with everyone knowing I am not Odin I thought it best if you join us."

"Midgard? Are you sure that is smart?"

"No, it isn't smart but it is the only option to get Thor to leave us alone."

You nod once again, "alright."

Getting to earth was more than a little weird, you held tightly to Loki as you went through the Bifrost and once you're on earth Loki changes into a suit and gives you a cute dress to replace your usual cloak/robe thing since that was a little obvious. You're surprised that the dress isn't as bad as you'd expected, it was a nice black dress, keeping with your usual vibe. Morticia Addams-esque is the only good way to describe it with its long sleeves, floor length skirt and the fit that hugged your body.

Following next to Loki he leads the both of you to a demolished building. "What is this?" Thor asks, still upset.

"I swear, I left him right here."

"Right here in this building or right here in this pile of rubble?"

Loki doesn't get a chance to answer as two girls walk up to Thor and ask to take a picture. By the time Thor is done he's forgotten the question he had asked and Loki didn't want to answer it. Nothing more is able to be said as a ring of sparkles sprouts around you and Loki, then opens up and lets the two of you fall into darkness. Loki quickly wraps his arms around you and puls you close to him.

"What is this?" you ask.

"I do not know, we will soon find out, though I cannot do anything to get us out of here."

You sigh gently, but the darkness and being held close by Loki was much preferred to the glaring sunlight you'd been in moments before. "At least we are together," you say.

This brings Loki back to the moment and he pulls you more tightly against him, "you know, Love, we could have some fun with this since we have nothing else to do."

His smooth voice flows over you and you lean into his chest, "we can kiss," you offer softly, having no desire for anything more.

"That sounds lovely dear," he says and pulls you into a kiss.

So, here's the thing, he kept suggesting things like this and though you knew what it was he was wanting you had no interest in it. Everything was so new to you that he didn't think much about it, but for you the more times he offered the more you realized that it was something you'd never want to do. The concept of it not being normal didn't occur to you, the idea that you should just tell him that didn't occur to you either.

So the two of you kiss for a while and try your best to cuddle as you free fall. Eventually and unexpectedly the two of you stop, crashing onto the floor, Loki taking the brunt of the fall with you landing on top of him. You sit up and find yourself in a somewhat compromising position but you're busy with Thor and the other dark haired man standing above you. You stand up, and Loki quickly follows, looking at the man and drawing some daggers.

"You think yourself a sorcerer? I will teach you to-"

"Okay, goodbye," the man says, and sends all three of you through another one of those golden portals.

You're a bit dizzy so it takes a moment longer to notice the man sitting on a rock over looking the cliff. Odin. You decide to stay back and let the brothers talk with their father, Loki doesn't let you do that though as he takes your hand for support and takes you along with him to see Odin.

"Father?" Thor questions.

Odin doesn't answer and instead says, "look at this place. It's beautiful."

"Father, it's us."

"My sons. I've been waiting for you."

"We've come to take you home."

"Home, yes. Your mother, she calls me. Do you hear it?" Odin responds and you keep your grip on Loki's hand, after all the stories you'd heard from Loki this was hardly how you had expected Odin to react.

"Loki, lift your magic," Thor says turning on his brother.

"Took me quite a while to break free from your spell," Odin stops Thor from punching Loki. "Frigga would have been proud," Odin pauses. "Come, sit with me. I don't have much time."

"I know that we failed you, but we can make this right," Thor says, desperately wanting his father to live.

"I failed you. It is upon us...Ragnarok," Odin says, ignoring Thor's pleas.

"No, I've stopped Ragnarok. I put an end to Surtur."

"No. It has already begun. She's coming," he says mournfully. "My life was all that held her back, but my time has come. I cannot keep her away any longer."

"Father, who are you talking about?"

"The Goddess of Death. Hela. My first born. Your sister," Odin gives the unexpected answer.

"...what?" Thor asks in shock, while Loki's only response is his grip tightening on your hand.

"Her violent appetites grew beyond my control. I couldn't stop her, so I imprisoned her. Locked her away. She draws her strength from Asgard...and once she gets there,  her powers will be limitless."

"Whatever she is, we can stop her. We can face her together."

"No we won't. I'm on a different path now. This you must face alone. I love you my sons," Odin says and with that he turns to a glittering mist that dissipates in the ocean breeze.

"Brother," Loki says, trying to prevent Thor from doing anything rash.

"This was your doing," the blond responds, electricity crackling at his finger tips.

You're ready to step in front of your soulmate to prevent a conflict, but you don't have too. There's a crackling sound behind you and you all turn to see a dark, smoky, portal open and a woman with dark hair and a slightly crazed look in her eye steps through.

"So, he's already gone," she clicks her tongue. "A shame, I would've liked to see that."

Nothing happens for a beat then Thor holds Mjolnir to the sky, calling lightning down which changes him into his armor. In the same moment Loki changes his clothes and yours to his armor and your usual cloak.

"You must be Hela, I'm Thor, son of Odin."

"Really?" The woman asks with a raised eyebrow, "you don't look like him."

"Perhaps we could come to an agreement," Loki steps in.

Hela then turns to him, not even giving you a glance, "you sound like him," she says in disgust. She pauses a beat before saying, "Kneel," another pause, "before your queen."

"I beg your pardon?" Loki questions the same moment that Thor throws his hammer at her.

She catches it. With one hand, something thats supposed to be impossible, and then she does something even more impossible. The hammer begins to quiver in her hand until it slowly shatters.

"Impossible," Thor murmurs.

"Darling, you have no idea what's possible."

"Heimdall! Open the Bifrost!" Loki shouts, wanting to get you to safety. Unfortunately he ignores Thor's protests to not do so but his arms are around you as you're once again sucked up into the Bifrost.

You think you're safe for a moment then you look below you and theres Hela, quickly growing closer until you goes to grab your ankle. Luckily you're able to turn partially to mist and avoid her, but Loki isn't so lucky. She gets ahold of his ankle and sends the both of you through the wall of the Bifrost and out into space.

Luckily, you were able to survive in the void of space, it was a wraith's natural environment after all. Not so luckily, Loki can't, for long at least. You pull him into your chest and look out into space, desperately searching for a nearby planet you can take him too.

"Y/n," you hear him speak in your mind, "Love, do not worry so much, I am able to breathe right here, your touch is keeping me alive."

You allow your shoulders to drop, the stress and tension leaving leaving you. You kiss the top of his head, "okay, darling, you hold onto me and I will get us out of here." Knowing that your soulmate won't die in your arms this day calms you, and from here you're able to take your time with finding a planet as Loki holds to you.

Well, you don't exactly find a planet right away. Instead you take him through a wormhole that is nearby. Why you do this you aren't sure but when you saw it, it seemed to call to you, its energy attracting you like a moth to a light.

It spits the both of you out on a planet covered in junk, where Loki is able to breathe. It's lucky that he can breathe because you had absorbed the energy of the wormhole, shielding him from it, and promptly passing out. In turn he shields you from the fall, and giving you a chance to wake up.

When you open your eyes you're on the ground, still in his arms. He gives you a gentle kiss when your eyes flutter open, "hello love, you did brilliantly back there."

"I am just glad I was able to keep you alive, I didn't know I was able to do that," you respond gently as you begin looking around. The planet is covered in junk, old ships, random things from different planets and different species of aliens. Something is off though, a ship quickly lands alongside both of you and someone steps out. Actually a few someones.

"Are you fighters, or food?"

"Neither," you answer.

"Then food it is," and they say as they ready their weapons.

You shake you head, "I just pulled us out of the void of space, got aren't going to kill us after I put in that much work."

Loki offers his hand to you in support but is willing to let you handle this. You'd only fought under the influence of the infinity stones before this, he was curious as to what your abilities were like on your own.

You don't know what you're doing, but you follow your gut instinct with it. Outstretching your hands, in front of you and towards the ground. Your skin grays for a moment as mist begins flowing from your fingertips. It goes slow, until it doesn't in a sudden blast it  shoots out around you in a wall, knocking all of them down and out. You then look at your soulmate then at the ship which had landed by the both of you, "shall we?" You ask with a smile, learning about the universe with Loki as your teacher probably wasn't the best thing for the safety of those around you but it worked.

"That was amazing, beautiful," Loki says and leads the way onto the ship, and takes the controls. It doesn't take the both of you long to find the main city on the planet and of course Loki takes it upon himself to find the most important building with the most important people.

The leader of the planet is a man who calls himself the Grand Master and Loki easily sweet talks his way into the man's favor. He gives you both a place to stay, and invites you to the extravagant parties he throws. For the first time they two of you aren't having to sneak around the public eye with your relationship and that means Loki takes you on real dates.

Sakaar is a weird place, so the dates are weird. You spend most of the time dragging him around to see new things you hadn't seen before. He finds it endearing, you're especially cute when you're learning new things. The way your eyes would light up like a child's, your smile covering your face, you were gorgeous.

The parties are glamorous, and you hate them at least a little bit, they're so crowded and and everyone is drinking and it's just a bit overwhelming. But they're something Loki enjoys and he always keeps you close so it isn't as bad as it could be. He teaches you how to dance, the two of you holding one another closely and moving in sync to the various songs the Grand Master plays.

"The two of you will absolutely love the contest of champions. The fighting, the maiming it's just wonderful. I cannot wait for the two of you see my wonderful champion he's absolutely terrifying," the Grandmaster says to the both of you one day.

"Yes, I've heard of your famous contest of champions I'm sure it will be absolutely wonderful when we are finally able to watch," Loki placates the man so that he will leave the both of you alone. You hated him more than a little bit, he was always hitting on you despite the fact Loki was right there. Granted he was also hitting on Loki while you were beside him, and suggesting something called a threesome that you had the feeling you didn't want to learn more about.

Fortunately Grandmaster leaves, distracted by something else, leaving you to take a seat next to Loki. "How long do we have to stay here?" You ask softly.

"We don't have to put up with him for much longer, just until I get the codes to access his ships then we can steal one and get our of here," he says softly in your ear and allows his hand to caress your thigh.

"Good, cause I can't stand him... and it would probably be good to get back to Asgard and help your people not be killed by your sister."

You can feel Loki roll his eyes, "you're still stuck on that?"

"Yeah, I am, and you aren't changing my mind cause I quite like helping people. It's much nicer than trying to obliterate an entire planet."

"Alright, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying to change your mind," he sighs. "Imagine, we could find another planet and rule over it together, you at my side as my queen. The Asgardians would never allow me to go back to being their leader."

"No, they wouldn't, but that's probably because you lied to them about being Odin," you respond with a sassy smirk. "Plus, maybe if you helped them they'd forgive you for that."

He gently pets the top of your head, "darling," he starts but you cut him off by placing a gentle kiss on his lips. You know if you let him keep going he'd just continue to demean himself, and you didn't want that.

His hands move to grasp your hips as he pulls you onto his lap and deepens the kiss. You lean back to look at him and softly say, "would you like to go back to our room?" You pause for a moment before continuing, "I have something I want to tell you."

His expression changes from something more lustful to his neutral mask to hide his confusion at your shift. Nevertheless he doesn't miss a beat as he says, "of course." He gets up with you and leads the both of you back to the suite the Grandmaster had provided.

Once there you pull him after you to the bed, where you sit next to him. "You know, I like to kiss and cuddle you."

"I do?" He says, allowing an eyebrow to raise.

"Yeah, but I wanted to tell you that I love you. I also wanted to tell you that," you pause attempting to make sure you find the right words, "well, when you keep offering to have the sex I don't want too," you end with a shrug.

Loki takes a moment to process your words before he says anything. "So you are asexual?" He asks gently.

"I am A-sexual?" You ask, confused by the words he had just said.

He smiles at you endearingly as he remembers that you don't know as much as he does. "Yes, asexual," he confirms while taking your hand. "It means that you do not feel sexual attraction, so you do not want to have sex," he explains to you.

You pause for a moment before responding, "yeah," you nod, "that's it. I'm asexual." A smile comes across your face as you say this, not having a single clue how this might be a bigger deal for many other beings.

Loki smiles at you, "thank you for telling me, love. I very much enjoy kissing and cuddling you as well, and we do not need to do anything more if you don't want too."

You put your arms around his shoulders and give him a kiss, "I love you." You pause for a moment and tilt your head, "why is it that you are acting so oddly about this?"

Loki caresses your cheek, "well, for many other beings it can be a big deal. For me it isn't a big deal, on Asgard such things are common, as for why I am acting oddly is because I wasn't expecting this and I am just taking a moment to process this, but I know that it doesn't change the love I feel for you in any way."

You squeeze his hand and take a moment to think before determining, "it shouldn't be a big deal. It is just how I feel and you are my soulmate do I thought I should tell you."

"I agree, it shouldn't be a big deal and for most it isn't but for some reason Midgardians frequently and confusingly get very caught up on the subject. For instance if they knew on occasion I prefer to present myself as a female there would be a riot," he says and pulls you into a hug.

"That's absurd," you say as you muse over this information. The rest of that day is spent with you and your love discussing the complexities of the universe and how some creatures can be so close minded. There's also plenty of cuddling, and kissing, it's very enjoyable.

The Grandmaster seems to have parties everyday so the next day the two of you find yourselves out and about. For once you choose to wear a dress with shorter sleeves, showing your soul mark and having confidence in yourself for once. It's alright that your arm has the word "Useless" on it, it didn't batter because it was a reminder of how far you and Loki had come with one another.

You feel Grandmaster's eyes on you as you enter, and you also feel Loki's arm wrap around you and hold you to his side. This gives you some confidence as you go with him to get some drinks and take a seat on a couch. Your peace doesn't last long though as Grandmaster comes over and begins to flirt with both of you.

You squeeze Loki's hand and let him do the talking. The being in front of you is on your nerves and probably has a higher dose of pissing you off than is healthy or doctor recommended. Luckily he isn't able to stick around as his assistant comes up and says one of his scrappers is in need of a meeting with him.

You lean against Loki once the other man is gone, "are you sure that we need his codes to leave this place?"

"No," Loki answers honestly.

You look at him, "okay then let's leave."

He gently rolls his eyes, "later, today I'm still trying to convince you to stay here with me."

You pout and kiss his cheek, "okay, but it's not happening."

Before Loki can respond to you the both of you hear a voice to your side, "Loki! Loki!" It is an attempt at a whisper, a very poor attempt but it gets your attention.

The both of you turn and look, seeing none other than Thor stuck in one of the Grandmaster's prison chairs. Without thinking the both of you are on your feet and at his side. "What are you doing here?" Loki hisses at his brother.

"This man who calls himself the Grandmaster has taken me hostage, says I have to fight for him- you both must help me get out of here-"

You and Loki share a look before he says, "no, we've made friends with the Grandmaster we cannot sacrifice our position now."

You and Thor both open your mouths and there's a few moments of awkward babbling as you try to figure out who will speak. It's decided for you both when Grandmaster shows up right behind the both of you and asks, "what you talking about here?"

There's another few awkward moments as they all try and cover and get him to leave you alone. Eventually he does but it's after Thor is sent away and Loki somehow gets him to leave the two of you alone so he can drag you off to your room instead of letting you go after Thor.

"I suppose there is even less of a chance for us to stay here now?"

"Yeah," you say and give him a sweet kiss. "I don't want to stay here, if you don't want to help you don't have too. But I'm getting Thor out then I'll go help free Asgard and you find us a nice place to live and I'll come find you."

He rolls his eyes, "very well, but can we not worry about it until morning?"

You look at him before shrugging, "fine, as long as you hold me." You give in on this, knowing nothing more is going to be done today or you'd end up killing Grandmaster.

The next day Loki isn't very helpful with trying to figure out where Thor is. By the time you make some progress the Grandmaster announces that he contest of champions will be happening that evening.

Once the man is gone you turn on Loki, "that's your brother being a dumbass isn't it?! And I'm guessing you knew which is why you've been less than helpful." He doesn't answer which I'm and of itself is an answer. "I'm leaving," you say turning away from him walking towards the door. "I'll be back later, don't follow me I need some time to stop being mad at you."

The door closes behind you and you just walk, out onto the streets leaving the building. You can take care of yourself anyways, plus the fact that he hadn't just said 'hey I don't want to help find Thor' instead of pretending to be helpful all day. Like sure, you could see through his magic and could tell most of the time when he was lying since he was the only one you'd ever had a real conversation with. Like, Loki, just say that, sure you'll be upset but it's preferable to you straight up faking wanting to help all day.

You're so upset that before you even make it out of the building you bump into a woman you'd seen around before. "Sorry," you mutter and go to keep walking.

She catches your arm and looks at you, "what are you?" She asks, as politely as possible.

It's at that point you realize your black mist is currently rolling off of you due to your emotions. "I'm y/n," you say.

"Uhm okay, I'm scrapper 142, but that doesn't tell me why you're," she looks you up and down, "dissolving."

You pause, "You're scrapper 142? Do you know where I could find the blond man you brought to the Grandmaster yesterday?"

"He's in the lock up." She looks over you again, and you realize she's checking you out, "but there's no privacy down there so you'll hardly be able to get your way with him, plus he's property of the Grandmaster so you'd just have to ask if you wanted him."

It takes you a moment to catch on, visibly wincing and gagging a little. "Ew. No. Gross. He's just a friend and his brother is being less than helpful with helping me to find him." She doesn't need to know more so with that you scurry off after a hurried thank you.

You're able to find Thor in an area that seems to be a bar. Well, he isn't in the bar he's in the room that is blocked off from the bar with a huge glass wall. He has a different haircut so it takes you a moment but you spot him and make a beeline over there. "Thor, what are you doing?"

"Ah, Wraith- I mean y/n," he corrects when you shoot him a glare, "it is the only way to get my freedom from this place. It is easy I will beat the Grandmaster's champion and be free."

You shake your head, "Thor, this is serious no one has ever survived the champion. I haven't seen his strength but the delight Grandmaster takes in his fighting doesn't mean anything good. You have to call it off, Loki and I are working on a way off of this planet-"

"Is that what he's telling you?" Thor asks with a face filled with sympathy.

"No that's what I'm telling him. I refuse to stay on the god forsaken planet a moment longer than I have too. I have also determined I will be helping you get back to Asgard. Loki doesn't want too but I cannot stand by when I can do something. I have a chance to redeem myself from the lies Loki has told them."

Thor presses his hand against the glass and says, "that is honorable y/n, how you are my brother's soulmate I haven't a clue."

You let out a gentle laugh and rest your hand on the opposite side of the glass from his, "I do not either, but I love him even if he is an idiot for thinking no one on that planet has place in their hearts for forgiveness." You pause and look around, "I should get going, I told Loki I would return on time for the fight. You make it out of this and I'll be sure you make it off this planet."

"Thank you," Thor pauses momentarily, "sister." The term of endearment sends a smile across your face as you nod and leave, finding your way back to the room you shared with Loki.

Once you arrive back to your suite you're in a much better mood, of course Loki picks up on this and asks, "so you found him?"

"Yeah, I found him," you say and plop on the bed next to him. "I'm assuming Grandmaster is expecting us to sit with him during the fight?"

"Yes," Loki says, his tone a bit cold. Why do you care so much about Thor? You hardly know him and yet you're willing to sacrifice living in this place with him, Loki, your soulmate, to help.

You turn your head to look at him, catching the slight inflection of his voice. "Loki, I love you and I know you know I'm telling the truth. You're the god of lies, you'd know in an instant if I was hiding anything." You pause and turn to gently take his hands. "I just want to make up for the horrors I committed under Thanos, the people I killed-" you take a shaky breath, getting emotional as you always do when talking of your time serving Thanos.

Loki removes a hand from yours to cup your cheek and make you face him. "Darling," he says gently, "that was all Thanos, not you."

You smile gently at him, "I know it was, but that doesn't change the fact that I helped and feel grief over doing so." You pause, picking your wording carefully, "when I know I can help and have the chance, I can't not take it. I spent millennia locked up without purpose besides being a bargaining chip. Protecting innocents from going through anything similar to what I did allows me to feel more value in myself... and if you gave it the chance I think it would do the same for you."

Loki shakes his head when you change the subject to him, "love, I am a monster in their eyes, irredeemable even if you think you can see good in me-"

You shut him up with a kiss. "Loki, I know I see good in you. You are my soulmate and we know each other better than anyone else in this universe. I cannot force you to help, and that is alright, but I have made my choice and you cannot force me to not help. All I can offer you is my support in making your own choice with this, and all I ask is that you do the same for me."

He stays silent, knowing you were right and that he had been being unfair to you. You pull him into another kiss and say, "now come, we are going to go watch your brother fight this champion Grandmaster will not stop boasting of."

With that you stand and move to change into an armored gown. It had a flowy skirt and and armored chest plate/ corset. It was impractical but offered more protection than anything else you had and seeing as you planned to keep Thor from dying you'd most likely need it.

You link your arm with your Love's and walk with him to the Grandmaster's sitting area for this fight. There's a small warm up fight before he announces Thor. Then as he began to announce his champion the crowd roared. Their volume drowning out the words Grandmaster says and presumably the crash when the stadium door comes crashing in, flying straight at Thor.

Your eye go straight to Thor, watching to see if he was hurt. He of course dodged without issue but his reaction to his opponent catches you and everyone else off guard.

"Yeeeessssss!" He shouts, silencing the crowd with his excitement.

You feel Loki's hand grip yours more tightly and you turn to look at who Thor would be fighting.

Hulk.

This was either good or very bad. It's quickly decided bad when Thor shouts that he is a friend from work and Hulk in turn sends him flying across the stadium. They both use all of their power to bring the other down, leading to an intense but short fight.

It seems Thor is going to win, until Grandmaster leans forward in his seat and Thor collapses to the ground. Hulk jumps, high above the walls of the stadium and goes back down to smash Thor. Your hand is shaking in Loki's as Thor's body is dragged off.

"Is he dead?" You ask Grandmaster, trying to keep your tone neutral.

"No, no of course not. It is more entertaining to have a challenger who can put up a fight with my Champion," he pauses to raise an eyebrow at you, "why? Are you worried?"

You shake your head, "no, I was just curious. He was going strong and collapsed so suddenly it made no sense."

You and Loki stick around for the after party. Drinking and dancing, you trying to assure him that you do love him even if you're too stubborn to budge on the fact that you're going to help Asgard. It's a long fun night, probably the most fun you've had on Sakaar.

The two of you sleep in until noon when you're awoken by a summons from Grandmaster. You and Loki are met by Scrapper 142 at the door and all three of you enter together.

Okay, so Thor escaped... with Hulk, and Grandmaster wanted the three of you to find them. Like somehow turns it into a competition and once again you're ticked off by him and just walk away once you're out the door. He and the scrapper can compete in finding Thor, you're just going to find him and help.

By the time you make it outside the people have flooded the streets and are celebrating in an attempt to draw out Hulk. You're able to find him before anyone else can though, and that is due to one simple thing. You know what he looks like when he isn't Hulk.

You approach the nervous looking man and set a hand on his shoulder, which makes him jump and you ask, "where's Thor?"

Fear overcomes him and he points behind you. You turn and see Thor with a dumb rag over his head, "Thor what are you doing?"

"I am in disguise," he responds.

You can only shake your head, "okay- how are we getting out of here?"

Your conversation is interrupted by Scrapper 142 coming up behind you. "What are you guys doing? It's really annoying having the Grandmaster threaten my love over your idiotic ideas."

You raise an eyebrow, "Where's Loki?"

"Loki?" Bruce asks.

"Why do you care? You and I are the ones who found them first." You shake it off, and she says, "come on I have somewhere we can hide."

Bruce speaks up, "who is she? She's beautiful, what are those things by her eyes? Are they people she's killed?"

The scrapper turns to him and says, "I feel like I know you."

"I feel like I know you as well."

The Scrapper is introduced by Thor as Valkyrie and she takes you back to her apartment.

"I have a peace offering," she states as she opens the door and sitting there tied up is Loki. You laugh at the sight of him.

Bruce looks between the two of you then to Thor, "are you sure it is a good idea to have them here? Can they be trusted?"

Thor throws something at Loki's head and it bounces off, then answers Bruce. "Yes, y/n has promised to help-"

You cut in, "Look, I'm here to help. I could tell you my entire sob story in an attempt to get you to trust me but that would take too long. Let's just say Thor trusts me, I helped him defeat the Dark Elves and I was manipulated into doing what I did to earth and I feel bad about it so I'm trying to help."

Bruce doesn't have anything to say to that, so he turns to Loki, "and what about you? Are you planning on killing us?"

"It varies from moment to moment," Loki responds ominously.

"He's not going to kill anyone," you say with a pointed look at him, to which he just rolls his eyes, knowing you're right.

"You really think you can control that psychopath?" Bruce asks in confusion.

Now you look at Bruce with a dead panned look, the look that you got when you were legitimately upset, complete calm before a storm. "Control him, no. Reason with him, yes." Thor steps in between you and Bruce, and you sigh at him before shaking your head and stepping back.

"Y/n may want to help us and my brother may be restrained but I suggest you watch your words Bruce."

"Why's that?" Bruce looks between the two of you carefully, slowly putting the pieces together.

"Soulmates," Thor says softly.

"Wait, the two of you are soulmates and you are completely fine with me tying him up?" Valkyrie speaks up.

"Not necessarily fine with it, but I'm somewhat annoyed with him at the moment so I'll leave him."

"Thank you Love," Loki says and you can hear him roll his eyes.

"You're very welcome, darling," you say as you stride over and stand behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

"So, to get out of here you'll have to go through one of the wormholes and in 12- 18 months you'll arrive in Asgard," Valkyrie says.

"No, we're going through the big one," Thor says and points out the window.

"The Devil's Anus?" Valkyrie asks irrediculously.

"I did not know it was called that when I chose it."

Bruce looks at the dark shape in the sky to which Thor had gestured and began analyzing it.

"My ship won't hold up going through that, we're going to have to steal one of the Grandmaster's and that'll need a distraction," Valkyrie says.

"You could always bring out the beast," Loki says unhelpfully

"You guys have a beast?" Valkyrie laughs.

"Loki, didn't you get those codes from Grandmaster? The ones to access his ships?" you ask.

"Yes," he says glaring at you over his shoulder, "I don't remember telling you I got them though."

"Just a guess with how helpful you've been the last few days," you respond and try to placate him with a kiss on the cheek. Then you turn back to the others, "Okay, then we can get a ship and go from there."

Now you look at Bruce with a dead panned look, the look that you got when you were legitimately upset, complete calm before a storm. "Control him, no. Reason with him, yes." Thor steps in between you and Bruce, and you sigh at him before shaking your head and stepping back.

"Y/n may want to help us and my brother may be restrained but I suggest you watch your words Bruce."

"Why's that?" Bruce looks between the two of you carefully, slowly putting the pieces together.

"Soulmates," Thor says softly.

"Wait, the two of you are soulmates and you are completely fine with me tying him up?" Valkyrie speaks up.

"Not necessarily fine with it, but I'm somewhat annoyed with him at the moment so I'll leave him."

"Thank you Love," Loki says and you can hear him roll his eyes.

"You're very welcome, darling," you say as you stride over and stand behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

"So, to get out of here you'll have to go through one of the wormholes and in 12- 18 months you'll arrive in Asgard," Valkyrie says.

"No, we're going through the big one," Thor says and points out the window.

"The Devil's Anus?" Valkyrie asks irrediculously.

"I did not know it was called that when I chose it."

Bruce looks at the dark shape in the sky to which Thor had gestured and began analyzing it.

"My ship won't hold up going through that, we're going to have to steal one of the Grandmaster's and that'll need a distraction," Valkyrie says.

"You could always bring out the beast," Loki says unhelpfully

"You guys have a beast?" Valkyrie laughs.

"Loki, didn't you get those codes from Grandmaster? The ones to access his ships?" you ask.

"Yes," he says glaring at you over his shoulder, "I don't remember telling you I got them though."

"Just a guess with how helpful you've been the last few days," you respond and try to placate him with a kiss on the cheek. Then you turn back to the others, "Okay, then we can get a ship and go from there."

The five of you part ways, you going with Bruce and Valkyrie while Loki goes with Thor. Nothing ever goes smoothly but things go as always. Valkyrie pilots her ship through the air and at this point Grandmaster has caught on that you're aiding Bruce and Thor and not finding them. So, you're flying around the city as she makes a distraction while waiting for Thor to show up.

As for you, you're hopeful that Loki will join you but not holding tightly to the thought. He didn't want to and just as he wouldn't change your mind you doubted you'd change his. Things in the air quickly grow messy, there's too many ships after you for Valkyrie to be able to shoot them all down. They're slowly but surely overwhelming her despite her extraordinary piloting skills.

There's that gut feeling again, you know the one when you have no idea what you're doing but know you can be doing more to help. The one that drew you towards that wormhole a few weeks ago. The one that had you pull Loki into your chest and save his life.

You don't take time to think about it before you're jumping off the ship, arms spread wide. Somewhere above you you can hear Bruce shouting at Valkyrie that you'd just jumped, but that doesn't matter. The wind whips your clothes around you and it feels amazing being in this free fall.

Free fall.

You're free falling.

Towards the ground.

At an incredible speed.

You don't know how to stop yourself.

The ground is approaching quickly and you're beginning to be able to pick individuals out of the crowd below you... Maybe you should stop listening to that gut feeling when you have other options. Yeah, you weren't making it out of this one, you close your eyes for impact.

You close your eyes for impact but the impact never comes. Slowly you convince yourself to open your eyes and when you do you're laying on the ground, black mist swirling around you. Okay... so you fell but didn't make impact... your hands are shaking as you you get yourself up and look to the sky.

There's many ships flying over your head zooming past and splitting off to try and catch Valkyrie and presumably Thor. You need to get back up there... so far that instinct hasn't lead you wrong. After all, you're still alive after jumping off that ship.

As you stand staring at the sky the black mist is rolling off of you in waves. The mist had always been a defense mechanism, you'd spent most of your life basically made out of the stuff and now that it seemed to be able to do more than just keep you alive.

As you continue to focus on the air the mist begins to spiral towards the sky, aiming towards the ships zooming past. You glance down at your feet and see that they're gone. As you look your ankles slowly dissolve into the mist and begin drifting towards the sky.

The mist is you.

You are the mist.

The spiraling mist overtakes you and you are able to fly towards the sky. As you focus you're able to move faster and faster, sending yourself rocketing towards and through one of the ships, sending it spinning towards the ground. It felt freeing. This was what you were meant to be.

You begin taking out other ships, protecting your friends. The ship Thor is piloting is obvious as it's the only other one being chased besides Valkyrie's. Bruce is shot up from Valkyrie's ship and into the other then a few moments later Thor jumps out and begins leaping from ship to ship sending them flying towards the ground.

Everything is flying everywhere. It's overwhelming. Then add on top of that Thor gets back on the ship you'd be taking to Asgard and fireworks go off as some music plays from speakers as Grandmaster's voice echos, "It's my birthday," I'm a sing song voice. It's horrible but it causes Grandmaster's right hand crashing into a building.

Valkyrie is the next one to board the ship and now that the sky were cleared you could as well. Sending your misty body into the ship where you are then able to materialize.

"Now that we're on the same side can I know what you are and why smoke is flying off of you?" Valkyrie asks.

"I don't know, all I k is is that I'm a Wraith by my name is y/n so just call me that."

"Buckle up everyone, we're about to enter the devil's anus," Bruce says from the pilots chair. Valkyrie takes a seat in the copilots chair and you and Thor brace yourselves on the doorframe. The ship begins to quiver as you enter the wormhole, you brace yourself and try to take the brunt of the energy but it doesn't work super well because this one is a lot more powerful than what you had been expecting.

Everything goes black.

You're lying on the floor when you come around again. Everyone else is already awake which tells you you had done some good in shielding them. When you stand up and look out the window there's a beautiful planet, waterfalls flowing off all the sides and a giant bridge extending to one of the edges.

Well, it would be a beautiful planet if it wasn't currently up in flames.

"There's heat signatures up in the mountains. That's where the people are and Hela is going right for them."

"Drop me off at the palace, I will distract her and the rest of you get the people out of here," Thor says.

"How are we going to do that?" You ask.

"I have a man on the ground," Thor responds.

"I'll go start helping them get to the Bifrost, the rest of you can do your thing," you say as you jump off the ship yet again. This time you will yourself to dissolve and fly towards the peak of the mountains where you land.

Okay, so they're in the mountain. You begin looking around for an entrance but instead you find yourself face to face with Heimdal.

"Heimdal."

"Y/n," he inclines his head.

"You want to lead the way? I'll bring up the rear, Thor is distracting Hela at the palace," you say, forgetting that he can see everything. The next thing that happens is an earthquake and lightning striking the palace.

"Asgard!" Heimdal announces loudly, "to the Bifrost." With that all of you quickly move down the mountain and to the rainbow bridge. As you are finally stepping on the bridge behind the people of Asgard loud noises draw your attention away. An army more ugly than the Chitauri coming up behind you.

"Go! Get out of here!" You say and begin turning yourself to mist, flowing in and through them, taking them down. But there's too many of them, and they push you back, further onto the bridge and into the crowd.

They've stopped moving, you turn to see why. And of course things only get worse. There's a giant wolf at the other end of the bridge. Then even worse as Bruce falls from the ship, that Valkyrie is piloting, and his limp body bounces on the bridge.

You turn your attention back to the immediate threat you could protect the people from. The army of undead warriors. The mist thing isn't working very well so you turn and take a sword from one of the nearby Asgardians.

You swing the sword at the enemy and thing you cut through one but no, you had totally missed. The monster you'd swung at grabs the blade of the sword you were holding and wrenches it out of your hands before chucking it off the side of the bridge. You hear Hulk roar behind you and the bridge shakes underneath you, as he throws the wolf off the bridge.

You step towards the monster and begin trying to fight them off. How had you fought before? The infinity stones had clouded your mind. You had no idea what you'd actually done only that you had done it.

Okay, what do you have? You have the ability to turn to mist. You can survive the void of space and keep others alive there too. You can absorb and contain the energy from infinity stones. You're powerful and were able to fight all of the Avengers at once. You can take out a few mindless zombies.

You throw your arms out and release a wave of mist, throwing a ton of them off the bridge, giving yourself a moment to think. You were tiring out quickly, already tired from your previous fight. That's when the idea comes over you.

Something had brought these things into being. Some sort of power, you begin to focus on the closest of all of them. A tendril of mist extends towards them and slowly lifts them off the ground.

You can feel the energy draining from them, all of that power flowing into you. When he goes limp you finally release your grip before moving onto the next one. As you figure it out you're able to begin moving faster and taking the energy from more and more of them at once.

The wolf has stopped shaking the bridge but you can still hear them fighting. Valkyrie's ship had crashed into the bridge and fireworks shooting into the sky. Things aren't looking good despite the fact that you're now taking the creatures down in droves.

Lightning is flashing and the entire planet is shaking. All of you are cornered onto the bridge that is beginning to crumble under you. There's five million things happening at once and you're overwhelmed, maybe you shouldn't have left Loki thinking you were upset with him.

"Your savior is here!" A voice cuts through the noise and you turn to see Loki. The sight of him captures your attention, he had come on a giant ship to rescue his people. His battle armor shines in the light and you can see him look at you.

His eyes widen and you can see him shout something at you, but before you have a chance to figure out what he's saying you go flying off the side of the bridge into the water below. The wind is knocked out of you and your vision goes blurry. You make yourself focus enough to drag yourself out of the water, sputtering as you do so.

Despite having absorbed that energy you were still too tired to turn into mist and get yourself back up there. You're floating on the top of the water as you see Thor come flying lighting lashing out from him as he does. Things are turning in your favor but Hela is still too much for all of you.

The waves from Hulk and the wolf begin tossing you around and you find yourself sinking back under the water, your vision blotchy. It begins to make sense, you hadn't fully absorbed the energy, you'd merely sucked the energy from them but hadn't taken it into yourself. It's as you begin to black out that you feel some arms wrap around you and you see Loki's face come into view.

With that you're able to let yourself relax and close your eyes. No, it's not a good idea but you physically can't keep them open any more so you might as well relax about it.

When you come too, you're in Loki's arms. "Lo?" You ask groggily.

"Yes, I have you darling," he says and slowly lets you stand on the ground, though his arms stay around your waist to steady you. He looks back up out the window and you follow his gaze just to see a giant thrusting his sword deep into the ground of Asgard.

You look at him before turning back, just to see the planet implode. "Loki?" You ask worriedly.

"It is alright Love, as Thor said Asgard is not a place it's a people."

"But you came back," you say and turn in his arms. "I knew you had it in you to be the hero," you say proudly.

"I couldn't very well leave my soulmate to fight my sister on her own," he says in a soft voice and you absolutely melt. No matter the differences of opinion the both of you had on helping and not helping he fully had your heart.

"I love you," you say and give him a kiss. "Let's get your people to somewhere safe then we can run away together, I've always wanted to see the galaxy."

Loki rests his hands on your hips and kisses you deeply, "I'd love nothing more than to spend eternity with you and show you the beauties the universe has to offer."

Everything is perfect right there in that moment. You're safe in the arms of your love, Loki, and he's safe in your arms. It's wonderful, so wonderful you kiss him again and when a shadow blocks out the light through the window it doesn't even matter enough for you to look up.

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