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knjsnoona · 3 years

Text

Restoration

genre: smut || slice of life pairing: jin x reader word Count: 10.1k rating: 18+ warnings: language, light dom!jin, explicit sexual descriptions, choking, fingering summary: Return to your childhood hone with your partner, Jin only to discover how much it’s changed. project: this part of the bcc summer games event~ it’s was for the image prompt which is the one under the name of the fic in the banner lol this was meant to be short, but then i included this whole first half smh credits: a HUGE thank you goes to my amazing beta reader @destructiveasparagus ! helped me find where my weaknesses lie and super incredibly helpful in how to learn from my mistakes! thank you so so much! i hope to improve with my future works!

It had been a long time since you’d been to your hometown, so long you barely recognized it as you drove in with your fiancé. Streets you once ran around on as a child—knowing each backstreet like the back of your hand—now seemed like the paths of a maze; roads that stirred distant memories of laughter and joy.

Eyes catching new shops where your favorite childhood hangouts once stood, a dull ache laced with both nostalgia and discomfort begins to stir within you. It seems the town had decided to be more modern… more suburban you guessed. It kind of made you sad if you were honest with yourself. You were expecting to return to the home you once loved, and to be bathed in the memories of each corner, shop, and alley.

Becoming more frustrated with each new sight you didn’t recognize, you sink into your seat releasing a sigh. Crossing your arms loosely over your chest, you look down at your knees. Chewing the inside of your cheek, you pondered what your neighborhood would look like. You hoped against hope that at least that small corner of your memories wouldn’t be betrayed.

“You okay?”

Catching your attention, you look to the side at your fiancé who had turned to look at you as he made a stop at a red light. His handsome features twisted into concern, which brought a small smile to your lips. Softly nodding, you try to assuage his worries.

“I’m fine, Seokjin. Just realizing how long it’s been since I was home is all,” melancholy weaving into your voice, gaze forlornly sweeping out the windows of the vehicle again.

“Changed that much, huh?” eyes still on you, every so often shuffling to make sure the street light hadn’t changed yet.

You nod, watching as a couple of teenage girls walk with some name brand iced coffees in their hands, eyes glued to their phones, as they giggled about something mundane. Feeling like a creep for staring, you shake your head and look back at the man by your side. “It’s definitely changed.... too much.”

God, you’d never identified with a boomer harder than you did at this very moment. Words of when I was kid at the tip of your tongue, wanting to rant about all the things you remembered as a kid and how it had been ruined now. You’d never regretted leaving home before, not until this moment. All of your treasured spots, destroyed by gentrification. How depressing.

But then you look at what you had gained from your departure from home and you realize how silly you’re being. You had found tons of struggle out in the world on your own. Learned what it was like to truly live in a woman’s world; having to work twice as hard for half the pay of a man; earning the way you had to always be cautious and on the lookout for dangers that lurked around every corner when the sun went down; learned how to pick yourself back up and work harder, when you were passed up on a promotion in favor of the manager’s son.

But you made it through every obstacle. You were a fighter, and never shied away from fighting to get what you wanted. To deal with the dangers of walking around at night, you took self defense classes. You quit the job that underpaid you. And when the manager at that other job finally offered you that promotion, you gave them your two weeks. You decided to take a position at a startup company that saw your worth, valued your opinions and took your ideas into consideration. A company where you were promoted and given more power to help it grow. It had grown into a multimillion-dollar business. Whose technology had been implemented in every hospital in the country. And the genius behind its creation and production sat by your side.

Kim Seokjin had been a godsend. You’d bumped into him one night at a bar after a particularly rough day of work. You had dropped into the seat beside him, not sparing a single glance his way as you ordered a beer. Shoulders slumping, you rubbed at your eyes in frustration pushing your tears back in. Noticing your distress, he reached out to you. He asked after your well being, taking you by surprise. Cautiously you spoke to him that night, only to be pleasantly surprised by his kind nature. While sharing the struggles of your days with each other, he brought up his start up and how he was looking to fill the position. Handing you a card before you both parted ways, he offered you a position without even knowing your qualifications.

Long story short, you took the position, worked your way up and fell in love with the company's CEO. Of course, there were those that always felt the need to fill the office with unnecessary drama. Hushed whispers in the break rooms, and muttered words across the cubicles of how you had slept your way to the top. But you shrugged them all off, no water off a duck’s back right? Besides, how do you sleep your way to the top of a tiny startup? There was no top or bottom. The tomfoolery of the envious, honestly.

The car jerking into motion brings you back to the present. Blinking the memories of the past decade or so out of the way. Vision returning to your present day home town, suddenly not so bothered by the changes. Your home had grown up and adapted, just as you had. That thought alone brings a smile to your face. A hand slipping over your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze, making you completely beam as you take Jin's hand in your own ringed hand. Placing a soft kiss on the back of his hand, as you hold it tenderly in your lap, his quiet laugh filling the space in the car as you continued on your way.

Some ten minutes later, you pull up the front of your childhood home; warmth filling your chest as you notice how little it’s changed. Aside from a few cosmetic changes it was still the same. And there they were, all the memories rushing in at once. The feelings you had been anticipating finally hit you. Now you felt like you were truly home as you were surrounded by all the wonderful memories of your childhood.

A gentle hand on your lower back brings you back, you smile up at Jin who stands by your side. A reassuring smile adorns his plush lips, as he rubs small circles on your back in a show of support and affection.

“You ready?”

Taking one large lung full of air, you hold it for a couple beats before deflating and nodding up at him. The steadying warmth of his hand on your lower back fills you with all the confidence you needed as you made your way up the stone patch.

Worries of how your family would react to you being back niggling the back of your mind. You tried to keep in touch as much as you could but there were times it was almost impossible due to financial stability or work load. Damn, a small bit of guilt began to bloom in your chest. So you stand frozen, finger just a few inches from the doorbell. Maybe you should’ve called before showing up.

Sensing your internal struggle, Jin wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. Plush lips press to the crown of your head leaving a quick kiss. “Everything’s going to be fine, babe,” he whispers into your hair.

“How do you know? I mean- I’ve been gone so long… they have to be angry with me. What if they think I don't care?” you fret, teeth gnawing at the inside of your bottom lip, hands twisting into the hem of your shirt, wrinkling the smooth fabric in the anxiety.

Chuckling softly, the arm around you turns you to face the tall male. Eyes roam your face, a warmth in them that always somehow seem to soothe your nerves. And sooth they did as you could feel your worries begin to ebb away.

“Hey, none of that,” he chastises, as he presses his hand lightly to your jaw, thumb tugging your bottom lip down. “You’re going to chew yourself raw. And we don’t want that. I don’t want you hurting yourself.” He places a gentle kiss on your lips as if to soothe away any stinging there.

Your lips can’t help but spread into a smile at how he was being such a mother hen. He was always like this, not just with you but with his employees as well. It’s what made him such a good boss, and an even better partner. Lady luck was feeling extremely generous the day she led you to Jin in that quaint bar.

Returning your smile, he quickly places multiple kisses around your face—on your nose, your cheeks, and your forehead. Arms wrapping around your waist to hold you close, as you giggle at the onslaught of kisses he bestowed you with. The sound of his mirth joining yours, pulling back to hold your cheeks gently. Eyes looking into your own as he assures you, “Everything is going to be fine, so stop stressing for once. We’re here to relax okay?”

Sighing, you nod with a smile still perched on your face. “You’re the best, you know that?”

“Of course, I am. And the most handsome!” all the confidence in the world seeping out of his words, smugness painting over his pretty features.

You scoff playfully, smacking his arm. “And yet you like claiming you’re humble,” shaking your head you turn back to the door and ring the doorbell without hesitation.

“Well, I’m not bragging if it’s a fact,” comes his witty retort which has your eyes rolling. This was nothing new with him, the man knew he was good looking. I mean you’d have to be blind to not think so as well. But you know, can’t let his ego inflate too big.

“I don’t know… I've seen better looking,” you shrug nonchalantly as you press the doorbell again, hoping someone was actually home. Yeah, you definitely should’ve called ahead.

“What? Where? Who is he!? Wait, are you talking about that kid in marketing? What’s his name?” he instantly barrages you with a succession of questions, jealousy bleeding into his tone. “That pretty boy with the deep voice! You-”

He’s suddenly cut off by the jingling of a handle and the lock being turned, as the door swings open. Your mother stands before you, surprise marring her features. Features that remained the same after all these years, a few wrinkles showing her age joined the painting that was your mother’s face. You’d pictured—imagined—scenarios of seeing her again, of how it would go but the feelings you felt now were far more intense than anything your mind could conjure up. .

You were sure the shock she wore was mirrored by you, as you stood there taking the other in. Your heart hammered away at your chest, pumping emotions into every vein throughout your body until it began to leak out of your eyes. As the first drop made it’s journey down your cheek, you stepped forward prompting your mother to mirror your actions, crashing into each other's arms. You didn’t realize you could miss someone so much and up until that point had been unaware that you had missed being held in the arms of your mother.

You could feel her tears seep through the shirt on your shoulder, happy greetings and words blubbered in excitement. Laughing you pull back enough to look at her, a watery smile greeting you.

“I’ve missed you, Momma,” your voice trembling with the emotions overtaking you.

“I’ve missed you too, sweet pea. I’m so happy to see you safe and healthy. I was worried you weren’t eating well this whole time. I know how you can get, you get too involved in what you’re working on and forget to eat,” your mother rambles on, word vomit just pouring out of her. All the words she hasn’t been able to share with you now fill the space between you. As a teenager you would’ve been annoyed, but now as a grown adult you were endeared by her light nagging.

“She still does that,” Jin's voice catching both of your attention. “Not eat, I mean.”

You turn to him, a self-satisfied smile on his lips, and an incredulous look on yours. Wow, not even two minutes, and he was already selling you out to your mother. You shake your head at him, eyes trying to signal for him to stop. He simply chuckles back.

“Oh is that right?” Your mother gives you a look, before looking back at your handsome partner. “And who might this be?” Eyebrows raise in question to you.

“Oh! I’m so sorry. Momma, this is my, um, fiancé, Kim Seokjin. Jin this is my mother,” you awkwardly introduce them. Biting the corner of your lip as you look at your mother out of the corner of your eye.

She looks at you, surprised at your engaged status, which you hadn’t had the chance to bring up during the brief, rare calls home. You can see the message hidden in her eyes, we’ll talk about this later, before turning to Jin. “It's a pleasure to finally meet you. My, you’re a handsome one.”

You close your eyes and internally groan before turning to Jin pointing a cocky smile your way. He sure was annoying when he was proven right. Gloating prick.

He gives you a quick eyebrow wiggle before turning to smile at your mother. “You’re too kind, really,” acting embarrassed, as he rubs the back of his neck and bows in gratitude once more.

“Oh! And he’s modest!” your mothers cheers delightedly.

Wow, he pulled the fake modesty card. You shake your head at him as you quietly scoff, lips almost quirked in a smile, as he winks at you. He was something else. But he was your something else. He was worth it. Headaches, terrible jokes and all.

“So… is anyone else home?” you questioned, curious as to whether your father, or if any of your siblings, were around. You weren’t sure if they’d be as welcoming as your mother, but her warmth and acceptance of you returning gave you the confidence to continue forward.

Your mother nods at you excitedly, wrapping an arm around yours and moving you towards the door. Jin follows behind amused as your mother explains how one of your aunts was visiting with her family, and how a couple of your siblings were in town. She went a mile a minute, spewing out even the latest family gossip—your father’s brother had cheated on his wife, your cousin had come out of the closet after being caught mid act (“What a scandalous event that was!”) and even how your mother’s eldest sister had beat breast cancer.

You sighed happily as you let your mother lead the way, Jin flanking behind you. Man it felt good to be home.

“We got incredibly lucky,” you said loudly, as you placed a small pile of folded clothes in a drawer. Pacing back over to the suitcase on the bed, pulling out your underwear to place in the same drawer to one side.

“What?” Jin called from the room over.

“I said we got lucky!” you replied, voice louder than before.

“Lucky?”

“Yeah. We‘re lucky they didn’t charge a cancellation fee at the hotel.”

Your mother, after making the rounds with the family, had insisted you stay in your old room. You were surprised that it had remained as you had left it. You were sure it would’ve been turned into a home gym by now, or a man cave for your brother that was still home. The fact that it was still intact, filled you with emotion. Your mother must have held out hope you’d come back, so when she insisted you agreed, unable to deny her request.

Of course there was the task of cancelling your hotel reservation, which everyone knows last minute cancellations come with some hefty cancellation fees. You felt bad as you had dialed the number on your cell, but Jin assured you it was fine and was worth it if you were happy.

As Jin worked on unloading the luggage, you spoke with the concierge who upon looking up the reservation, gifted you with the surprise of not incurring a late fee. You had been surprised and tried to verify the cancellation policy to which the male on the other end confirmed there would be no charge and wished you a pleasant day. You returned the sentiment as you hung up and looked at your partner in mild stupor before relaying the information to which he raised his eyebrows and shrugged, bringing in the rest of your belongings.

“You're still stuck on that?” he points out, humor ringing in his voice.

“Well, isn’t it a bit surprising to you?” you huff, cheeks puffing a bit in a pout.

“I guess…” he trails off momentarily. You could hear the gears turning before he returned with, “Maybe it’s because they saw who I was.”

“What? Why would that matter?” You had a feeling you knew where this was going, and could already feel your eyes preemptively rolling.

“Because, I’m the youngest, most handsome CEO in the nation.” A wheezing laugh following his words, almost sounding like windshield wipers.

Your eyes roll so hard, you see the back of your skull, and into an alternate universe. Why did you put up with him again? And as the sound of a door opening fills the space, you remember one of the reasons as he walks through the door. Towel wrapped loosely around his hips, muscles flexing as he rubbed his hair dry with another towel, he stood in all his glory. Your eyes chase drops of water running down his wet skin, swallowing hard where they disappear into the material knotted around his narrow hips.

“Sweetheart, you’re making me blush with all the ogling,” he chuckles smugly. “I get it though.”

You snap out of your daze, eyes narrowing at his cocky face in annoyance. Shaking your head, you choose to ignore him—turning back to your bag, grabbing some of your toiletries to place on the dresser. Distracted by your task you don’t notice Jin walk up behind you, until you’re tugged back into his wet torso.

“You know,” he mutters into your ear, “I haven’t forgotten that little quip from earlier.” One of his large hands slides up your body, finding its home wrapped around your jaw. He tilts your head back into his shoulder, his other arm wrapping around your waist to pull you further into his form. “You think that kid in the office is better looking than me.”

You take a few calming breaths, body becoming alert with excitement as Jin invades your space. Every word and touch begins to stir desire within you.

“I never said that. You assumed�� you know what they say about when you assume,” you can’t help but gibe, lips tugging up in a smirk.

A growl rumbles through you as the grip on your jaw tightens slightly. “Don't be a smart ass… I’ve seen the way you look at him, when you think no one is aware. I’m not an idiot.”

You chuckle, unable to help yourself. His jealous words turn you on more than they should.

“I can’t help it if he’s pretty to look at,” you state complacently.

“Pretty?” he chuckles at your audacity, grip tightening slightly around your jaw. Swinging your jaw away from the direction of his face, the feel of his lips brushing the shell of your ear makes you shiver. “You do look at him. Tell me, do you fantasize about him?”

Your eyes shut, the warmth of his breath traveling through your trapped body; an aching starting to pulse between your thighs. Hands moving back to rest on his towel covered thighs to help maintain balance, but more importantly to assist in feeling grounded.

“You do, don't you…?” His nose nuzzles at your ear, lips pressing behind your ear. “Is that why you stare? Because you imagine what it would be like to have him inside you?” the arm wrapped around your waist loosens, hand traveling south to the apex of your thighs.

You bite your lip, unable to answer his questions. His touch leaves trails of flames wherever they roam, burning any words from you. His words are simmering your blood.

“Is your silence an admission?” he says with a slight edge to his voice. “You imagine him sliding into you? Taking you? As if you're his?” His grip on your jaw moves to your throat, fingers wrapping deliciously around the smooth muscle and flesh.

“You’ll never be his,” he hisses. The hand between your thighs grips your core tightly, a whine escaping your lips at the slight pain and pleasure. “This,” grip tightening for emphasis, “is mine! Your cunt belongs to me. My cock will be the only one to ever claim it,” Jin growls into your ear, hips pressing his hard member into your ass.

Fuck, that was enough to ruin your underwear. His words release the floodgates, slick escaping your lower lips to soak your panties. The growl rumbling against your back, and vibrating in your ear has your mind blanking for a moment, thighs clenching involuntarily around his wrist.

“Turned on by that?” he crows, self gratification filling every word. “Do you like hearing me claim you? The affirmation that no other man will ever ruin this pretty pussy like me?”

Your breath hitches, a strong pulse running through your body like seismic activity relaying that an eruption is imminent. With the way Jin is rutting into your back, hand gently petting your mound, it was only a matter of time before he had you bursting in ecstasy.

His lips lightly trail up and down the shell of your ear, removing his hand from your throat to grip at your jaw and tilt your face up at him. Faces so close, your noses brush, breaths intermingling. He pulls back his head, looking down at you as the corner of his lip lifts in smirk just as he shoves his other hand under the band of your underwear. Long, warm fingers softly run over your lips, massaging gentle circles into them.

Licking his luscious lips, he hisses when one his fingers swipes between your lips. “Fuck,” he groans, biting his thick lip. “You’re this wet from a few words... '' A finger swirling around your opening, spreading your juices. The digit slides up to your sensitive nub, giving it the same attention. Pressing down with a bit of pressure, rolling it around making you arch your back, eyes clenching.

You feel Jin nudge your nose with his own, brushing his lips against yours. Eyes fluttering open, they meet his dark eyes, completely blow black from his arousal. Pink muscle slipping from his lips, sliding across yours teasingly while his hips slowly press against yours to get a bit of relief as your hands grip the towel resting over his flexing thighs. Your lips part, inviting his devilish tongue in, the prelude of you parting your legs for his length.

Taking the invitation, Jin shoves his tongue into your awaiting mouth. The moist muscle wrestling with yours as you kiss each other desperately. Both of you beyond the point of slow and steady when he shoves two digits into your core, his mouth trapping the groan he rips out of you. With no patience, the digits set a steady pace as his palm presses into your clit. Your hips buck at the sudden onslaught of stimulation. Your lips crash against each other like waves, teeth clacking as you try to get closer.

He pulls back from the kiss provoking a whine from you. His jaw clenches as his fingers fuck into your hole, scissoring your walls, preparing you for him. You press your ass into him, feeling how hard he is, your walls quiver around his fingers.

“No more,” you moan quietly.

“What’s wrong, baby? Too much?” he lazily grins down at you, grinding the palm of his palm down on your nub.

Your eyebrows pinch at the stimulation, lips parting without a sound escaping before you’re able to gather your senses again. “No… no more foreplay.” Your lusty gaze meets his, your chest heaving as you try to even it out. “I want you inside me now,” reaffirming how it was only him you wanted.

He pulls you into a hard kiss, pulling his hand out of your pants. Releasing your jaw, he yanks your pants and underwear down your thighs. Lifting your legs to kick them off, he rotates your bodies to walk you back into the bed, nearly ripping your shirt off you. You almost fall as your legs hit the bed, ripping his lips from yours. You both gasp for air as you stare at each other for a moment.

His hand slides into your hair, scratching soothingly at your scalp before gripping it in a firm hold. Turning your face to the side, he leans in, licking a stripe up your neck to your ear. He takes the lobe of your ear between his teeth teasingly tugging it. Pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear, he nuzzles the hair behind it, breath tickling your ear pleasurably.

“Turn around. I want you bent over this bed, with your ass in the air for me. I want to see how your cunt weeps for me.”

His words strike a hard cord within you, goosebumps appearing all over your flesh. You bite your lip, turning your body away from him and move into position. Feeling it wasn’t enough, he uses the grip on your strands to push you down further into the comforter, back completely arched now.

Strands slipping between his fingers as he removes his hand, the other palms your ass cheek, pulling it to the side to look at your core. The groan that leaves him makes you clench.

“Look how pretty… so wet and inviting. Look how your hole clenches, begging for my dick.” His other hand grabs onto the opposite cheek, pulling it away to open you even more to him. Pressing his hips to yours, he slots his length against your soaked lips. Slowly rubbing his member up and down, lubricating himself with your slick.

Every word makes you clench, the desire raging inside you growing desperate for him to fill you. Every throb of the thick shaft almost makes you delirious.

Eyes previously squeezed shut flutter open, as your hands grip the comforter. A childish print catches your attention, suddenly the realization hits you. You’re back at your childhood home, in a house full of relatives. You weren’t alone in this house, and they weren’t asleep. Now that you had awareness, you could hear them beyond the door chattering. You had let lust get away with you.

“Jin wait…” you hiss.

He stops all movement, one of hands gently petting your lower back. “Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” worry slipping into his words.

“No no. You didn’t hurt me. I just… I realized we’re not alone. We can’t do this here. My family is right out there,” you explain in a loud whisper, trying to look at him over your shoulder.

Silence reigns for a moment.

“So?” Jin's single word pierces the quiet.

“What?” you question, baffled by his nonchalance.

“What does that matter?” He shifts before pressing against you, the head of his cock prodding at your bud. He leans over your back, hands resting on your hips. “It doesn’t bother me, and it never has to you either. You never complain when I fuck you in my office, surrounded by all of our coworkers... our employees.”

You swallow hard.

“In fact, you love initiating it. Teasing me in front of them, riling me up.” His hips thrust, length slipping between your lower lips, cushioned comfortably between them.

“T-that’s different.” you try to argue, but his throbbing manhood against you makes it hard. “Thi-this is my family… who I haven't seen in a long time. I can’t h-have them thinking badly of me.”

He’s quiet but for a minute before wrapping a hand around your mouth. “Then you better keep quiet,” is the quick warning he hisses in your ear as he pushes his length into you.

His hand traps the sound of your yelp. Your walls stretch deliciously but sting at his abrupt intrusion as he buries himself completely. He doesn’t move, allowing you to adjust, placing gentle kisses over your shoulder. His hand massages circles into your hip.

Unable to verbally notify him it was okay to move, you opt for using your hips as you push back against him. Getting the hint, his hips pull back slowly before pushing back in at the same agonizingly passive pace. Lips still pressing kisses to your soft skin, hips lazily snapping into you .

You whine, wanting more.

“Needy already,” he chuckles and places one last kiss to your flesh before standing to his full height. Both hands now resting on your hips, pulling you back so he can grind himself inside your spongy walls. “Remember, not a sound. Your family is out there.”

What a jackass, you can’t help but think as you glare back at him, that damn cocky smile on his lips. You open your mouth to retort but it quickly snaps shut as he pulls back and snaps back in. The action was so hard, you almost thought he’d speared straight into your stomach.

He slides out slowly again before plunging roughly back in. Filling you so completely, each hard impale burning pleasurably. Hands sliding to push your cheeks apart, he watches himself disappear between your folds as he sets a steady pace.

The sound of your sex gushing with each probe of his shaft makes you grow wetter. Slick running down the inside of your thighs, as he pushes it out of you, clit pulsing with each invasion.

It isn’t long before he angles his hips, in search of that spot he enjoys so much. It’s with one particular push that he finds it, as you lifted onto your toes and arched your back signaling him. A whine trapped behind teeth that bite down hard on your lips as he hits it again is all the confirmation he needs.

He sets about burrowing into you, head meeting that patch of spongy tissue over and over;building an inferno in the pit of your stomach with each visit. Your legs begin to tremble as you part your lips.

“H-harder, please,” you quietly moan, almost breathless, trying to keep your volume down.

“Whatever my baby wants, she gets.” His thrusts turn piercing. Hips smacking into yours hard, hands gripping you bruisingly hard. Over the smacks of your hips that filled the room, you can hear him groan softly with each shove. It made you clench around him, causing his hips to stutter briefly before returning to their bruising pace.

“Your pussy is so hot and wet. You're soaking my thighs baby,” he groans out, smacking into you harder. “Squeezing me so tight, begging me to fuck you harder.”

A smack to your behind pulls a yelp from you. Panicking, you bring a hand to cover your mouth, hoping no one heard that. Worry niggling at you again before it’s promptly fucked right out of you by Jin's hips speeding up their brutal pace.

“I wish I could hear you baby,” he rasps, sounding just as breathless as you are. “I want to hear you moan for me… begging to cum… I want to hear you scream my name.”

You feel the bed dip beside you, as he places a foot down. Elevating his leg, he creates a new angle to spear your core. Hands finding purchase above your hips, he anchors his hold, hips pulled back.

“Remember… we don't want to get found out.”

With those words he pushes into you quickly and roughly. Each thrust drags you to and fro on the bed, rubbing your nipples raw against the material. His hips unrelenting in their assault of you. Pistoning deep, making sure to brush your g-spot with each insertion.

His actions have you crying into the comforter, as it catches and cushions your cries, groans and mantras of his name. Hands clenching the material so tight, your fingers were going numb. You wanted to fuck back into him, but his tight grip on you and his brutal pace allowed no room to.

“Fuck your so good to me. Your pussy is so perfect. So tight and warm. And it's. Only. Mine.” Accentuating each word with a sharp thrust. Laying his full claim to your core.

Fingers wrapping in your tangled strands, he guides you to stand, back leaning against his chest as the other hand grips your throat, fingers pressing down on your pressure points. The pressure fueling the fire of your impending orgasm, as the new angle only adds fuel to the already roaring wildfire.

“Who does your cunt belong to?” he growls into your ear.

You hardly breath, nevermind gracing him with an answer. But as he adds pressure to your throat, you gasp out, “You.”

“That’s right,” he moans, self-satisfied, slowing his pace to grind into you slow and deep. “Mine. Only mine to ruin. Only mine to paint with my cum.”

His words hit you hard, as you clench hard around him, groaning in sync with him as waves pulse through you. You were so close, you knew he could tell as the fingers previously tangled in your hair, now pressed circles into the bundle of nerves buried in your folds.

You throw your head back, gasps of air leaving your parted lips. Your nails dig into the sweaty flesh of his thighs, hips bucking back into his. You try your hardest to not be too loud, as your face twists into nothing but pure pleasure.

You were so close, so close you were quietly pleading Jin to cum. His name becomes a prayer on your lips, that fuels his own need. The sound of his name desperately falling from your lips makes him almost feral in the way he fucks you. Plunging into you so hard and fast, that the unmistakable sounds of flesh slapping flesh could be heard through the room, the sound accompanied by the filthy sounds of your dripping arousal.

A guttural moan leaves your lips, as he pinches your bud, which he promptly cuts off by slotting his mouth over yours. Kissing you greedly, wanting to swallow every wanton sound.

The next moment, a fire spreads through your veins, as your whole body seizes at the arrival of your orgasm. Loud moans of pleasure, swallowed as promised by Jin's mouth as he kisses you sloppily. Your hips buck into his digits as they continue to stimulate your nub.

Jin’s hips continue to push through your ever tightening walls and begin to stutter in their assault, just before he pushes deep inside as you feel him paint your walls. Now it’s your turn to ingest all the sounds of his orgasm. The hand around your throat tightens, making you light headed with pleasure, as his other hand over stimulates your nub, thighs tightening to stop him.

Milking himself dry, he soon slows down and comes to a complete stop. Pulling your lips apart, a string of saliva keeps your bruised lips connected. The grip around your hips sustains your standing position, as your legs feel weak post orgasm.

Jin’s ever softening length, slips out of you making you both shiver. Gentle as he could be, he guides you to take a seat on the bed.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you at all?” He looks you over, checking for any bruises from his manhandling.

This is what made him such an amazing lover. How caring he is about his partner after making love to them. It was always so fascinating to see him turn from domineering to self-effacing. Always taking care to ask how you felt after, soothing any places he may have gone too far and holding you gently in his arms.

It simply warms your heart, as you smile up at his broad shouldered form standing before you. Placing a hand over the one he’d placed on your cheek and giving it a reassuring squeeze, you say, “I’m fine, Jin. I always am when I'm with you,”

He beams down at you just before he places a kiss lovingly on your forehead. Thumb caressing your cheek, resting his forehead against yours. A warmth radiating from his eyes as he traps you in his gaze.

“I love you.”

Your heart skips a beat at the words said so simply, stomach a buzz with a storm of bees. You would never tire of hearing him say them to you, always feeling like the first time he’d confessed the depth of his feelings.

“I love you more,” you return, biting your lip giddily.

A smile reaches his eyes, as he grins widely. His cheeks puff up, giving him the look of an adorable squirrel storing acorns. His lips press to yours, no movement necessary. Just a simple press, feeling more intimate than what you had previously been engaged in.

He pulls back with a questioning look in his eyes, when he feels you shiver, almost spilling from his lips before you speak.

“Sorry, um just felt it slipping out of me,” you murmur, embarrassed, eyes not meeting his.

He chuckles, wide shoulders shaking in his mirth. Kissing you again he mutters, “You’re so cute sometimes.”

Slipping an arm around your back and one beneath your knees, he lifts you effortlessly. You wrap your arms around his neck, looking at him in confusion. He ignores your inquisitive eyes, making his way to the door he’d left not long before that led to your en suite bathroom.

“I think we should take a shower.”

“You just had a shower.”

“Yes, but after working up a sweat I need another, and together we can help preserve water.”

You roll your eyes, skeptical of him. “Sure, but no funny business!”

“No promises.”

You disappear into the bathroom with you protesting and Jin laughing.

You had been back home for a couple of days, and it had been enjoyable to say the least. Getting settled in, introducing Jin to more of your family that stopped by when they heard about your return, catching up with the extended family, and even some of your friends who still lived in town.

Jin seemed happy to be able to relax, your family welcoming him completely. He had admitted to you how much he appreciated being welcomed with open arms. He loved how large your family was, and the affection they shared so easily, compared to his small family of just his parents and himself.

You knew he also loved that they ate up his terrible jokes like hotcakes. Not to mention how your mother seemed to love cooking him meals, always blushing when he praised the meals and asking for seconds. It was also obvious how much your family stroked his ego when they complimented his looks. You knew this would be bad once the time came for you to go back to your shared home, ego so inflated you weren’t sure you’d be able to fit in the car with him. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t content at how things had turned out.

You had only gone out once since arriving, taking a stroll through the new town center, hands held in his as he listened attentively to you recount tales of your childhood. Every so often you’d stop and point out a location, describing what once took up residence in the spot of a newly erected business or apartment complex. You had stayed out till the sun had begun to make its descent, ice creams in hand as you walked back to your home.

It was that same evening upon returning home to have dinner with your family—filling your family in on your adventures—that your mother informed you about the state of your favorite place growing up. Feeling your heart drop, as she described it in more detail. When you had made your way to your room afterwards, Jin had stopped you and asked you if you wanted to visit the location. After hearing your mother’s disheartening news you weren’t sure, but Jin simply encouraged you to go see it with your own eyes.

That’s how you now found yourself tripping over a root as you trekked through the small forest not far from your parent’s home. A large hand steadying you before you eat dirt, you murmur a thank you before continuing on your way. It’s not long before you reach a clearing, that only cements your mother’s words as true. Your sad eyes survey the once beautiful lake, now nothing but a public garbage disposal. The water was murky, filled with so much debris and garbage it looked like sludge. The land surrounding the water was no better. The once pristine swimming hole was now a small landfill.

Placing a hand on your shoulder, you feel Jin give you a comforting squeeze. You rest your hand over his, intertwining your fingers, you sigh defeatedly, turning to bury your face in his chest. Wrapping his arms around you, he kisses the crown of your head and lays his cheek on it. The two of you bathe in the silence, all signs of forest life now muted in the wake of the destruction of their home. You doubted anyone even still lived here, the land so completely uninhabitable.

“This place used to be so beautiful,” you muse dejectedly, laying your cheek over his heart. “So full of life…”

Jin glides his fingers through your hair, listening closely.

“As a kid, I used to think this was the secret home of a fairy kingdom. Where a kind prince ruled over his subjects with a gentle fist. Adding color, and brilliance to nature here. At least, that’s the story my mother would tell,” you regale him, hands clutching his thin shirt.

“When she would bring my siblings and I here, and the water shimmered so beautifully, she’d say it was the fairy prince welcoming us to play in his kingdom. And when we’d visit in the evening once the sun had dipped down, balls of blinking lights dancing through the cool air, she’d say they were the fairies dancing in glee at our visit.”

You could feel tears form behind your lash line, tilting your head up as to not let them fall. You feel childish speaking of fairy tales to your fiancé, growing upset to the point you’re about to cry over it. Yet you couldn’t help yourself. This place was such a large part of your childhood, and if you were honest with yourself, it was the place you had been most anxious to visit. To see it destroyed to this degree broke your heart.

Sensing the dive in your emotions, Jin pulls back, taking your face in his hands, eyes roaming over your face in sympathy. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. Maybe we can do something.”

You tilt your head, wondering what he could mean. Blinking up at him, wet lashes sticking together. “What do you mean?”

Placidly smiling down at you, his thumb wipes away the stray tears beneath your eyes. “I don’t know, maybe we could try to clean up. Try to restore it to its former glory,” he shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets, eyes sweeping the clearing.

You stupidly blink at him, mouth slightly ajar. Your heart begins to swell with so much affection that it feels as if it could pop out of your chest. The waterworks come back full force, lips trembling with emotion.

Noticing your silence he glances back to you, eyes widening with panic, hands hovering in front of him in uncertainty. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Was it something I said?”

Shaking your head, you throw your arms around him. Burrowing your face into his neck, standing on your tiptoes. “I love you so much,” you tearfully declare.

He returns your hold, lifting you up, an affectionate smile pulling at his plump lips. “What’s all this for, you big softie?” he teasingly murmurs.

“I just… I just feel so lucky to be with you.” You can’t help the emotions pouring out of you, unable to keep them inside when it comes to him. You weren’t sure what you had done in this life to deserve him, but you swore to whatever entity was out there that you would prove yourself worthy of him. For all the days you were gifted with being by his side, you would be the best partner possible.

“Well you are pretty blessed to look upon this handsome face every day.”

You smack his arm, body shaking with restrained laughter. “You’re incorrigible!” you exclaim, barely containing the joy glowing on your face.

Windshield wiper screeches fill the air, as he backs away from you rubbing at the spot you’d hit. His laugh was something uniquely him that always called attention. No matter whether you found it odd, or not, it always made you join him. It was a trait you found completely endearing.

Your laughs begin to quiet, a few residual chuckles escaping you. You look at each other, affection and mirth mirroring one another.

“Did you really mean it?”

He hums questioningly, raising his brows.

“About trying to clean up here?”

“Of course, I do,” he nods. “We’ve still got a few more days left here. We can go buy industrial trash bags, maybe some equipment to help us pick up the garbage, and we’ll definitely need some protection,” he continues to list off.

A smile growing on your own lips, you hug his arm, squirming against him excitedly. “Okay! Let’s do it!”

“Yeah?” he questions, amused at your behavior. You nod enthusiastically and chuckle, beginning to walk off. “Well, what are we waiting for? No time like the present right?”

You agree, a pep to your step excitedly discussing the possibility of hopefully saving a part of your childhood.

“It’s so hot!” you whine, stretching your aching back as you wipe the sweat from your forehead. You roll your neck, trying to loosen your tense muscles from being hunched over with the trash pick-up stick.

Since your first visit to the Fae Kingdom, which you had taken to calling it affectionately, you had spent the last few days clearing the area around the body of sludge. It was hard labor and the two of you always arrived home sorely exhausted, passing out as soon as your bodies hit the bed. On a couple of occasions, your siblings joined you carrying some of the workload.

Thanks to their help and the determination to see things through, you were actually able to now see the floor of the hidden glade. There wasn’t much trash left, so you were currently taking care of what was left while Jin was using a pool skimmer to collect the junk in the lake.

It was a particularly sunny, and humid day. The air felt incredibly thick with moisture, making it a bit harder to breathe. Not to mention how you were sweating buckets. You had both shed some layers, hating how uncomfortable it felt to have the fabric sticking to your skin.

After complaining about the heat, you toss your stick on the ground, making your way over to a small blanket you laid out to take breaks. Lowering onto your knees, you grab a bottle of water and take a generous gulp. The cool liquid soothes your rising body temperature. Capping the bottle, you roll it on your forehead, trying to cool yourself down.

Rolling back on your knees, you land with a soft thud on your behind, enjoying the shade the tall trees provided. Taking a deep breath, you release it slowly before choking on it. Coughing violently, as your eyes almost bug out of your head.

Standing about ten feet in front of you, by the edge of the water was a broad shouldered god. Muscles flexing beneath lightly sun kissed skin, beads of sweat rolling down his back, burly arms bulging with each bend as he lifts the skimmer out of the water.

How in the hell was this herculean man real?

You sigh in awe, before looking up, hands clasped together as you whisper a thank you up above.

“What are you doing?”

You jump as his voice breaks the quiet atmosphere. Your eyes hastily fall on him as you reply in a high pitch, “Nothing!” Your cheeks begin to warm, staining with embarrassment.

His brows pinch, not fully believing you. Shaking his head, he turns to shake the skimmer into a large black bag. Setting it to the side, he swipes sweat off his brow. He turns and makes his way to you, pulling the work gloves off his large hands, stuffing them in the back pocket of his dark jeans. Coming to a stop at the edge of the blanket, he crouches down reaching his hand out for a drink.

Leaning back, you pull a cool bottle out of the cooler and hand it to him. You watch as he takes a large swig, before swiftly emptying the rest over his head. Brushing his hair back, his dark eyes rest on you. One corner of his plush lips pulls up at the unhidden admiration on your face.

“Come here.” He crooks a finger, signalling you closer.

You blink, lifting up and shuffling on your knees over to him. His hand locks behind your neck pulling you in to steal a kiss, lips brushing yours affectionately. One of your hands finds purchase on a burly shoulder to steady yourself. He pulls back, placing a succession of quick pecks over your pouting lips, pulling giggles out of you.

“I’m sorry. I suddenly realized I hadn't kissed the most beautiful woman today. It had to be quickly amended.”

A large grin breaks over your face at his cheesy words.

“You’re such a charmer, Mr. Kim.”

His eyes flash, tongue swiping over his thick lower lip. “Am I? Does that mean I can charm you out of these?” he teases, fingers tugging at your shorts.

You swallow hard, painfully aware of the warm thrum between your thighs. Biting your lip, a protest on the tip of your tongue threatens to expose the unabashed yearning of your heat.

Before you can utter a word, his lips are yours again. The hand behind your neck pulls you closer as he leans over you. A hand on your waist guides you to lie on the blanketed ground, his knee nudging your legs apart to settle between them comfortably. He kisses you languishly, hand releasing your soft strands and sliding to your cheek as he rests his weight on the arm placed by your head. Hips grinding in lazy circles against your mound, drawing a quiet moan.

Suffice to say all thoughts of the heat are replaced by a different kind of heat as your hands slide up the plane of muscles you had been admiring not long ago. You feel every flex of his back as his hips continue their languorous movements. You bend your knees, widening the space for him invitingly.

It’s as his hand descends to take hold of your left breast that you hear something in the distance. You ignore it thinking maybe it was a rustling branch or bush. Giving your breast a squeeze, Jin spreads even more heat to your core, and just as you’re about to groan your breath hitches as the sounds are closer this time.

“Jin! Sis! Are you guys here?”

Your eyes bug open, staring into Jin's equally stunned gaze before you both spring apart. A tangle of limbs, wrestling to separate from each other. It’s when you’re finally sitting in your own personal spaces that you notice a hitch in your situation. Jin’s erection was pitching a lovely tent in his semi loose jeans. His hands covered it, a pained look on his face as he cursed. Hearing the crunch of leaves close by springs you into action just as your siblings walk out of the tree line.

“Oh there you guys are,” the oldest declares, pointing you out to the others.

You smile over at them innocently from your position between Jin's legs, back resting against his naked chest, his arms resting around your waist. You both wave at them, thanking powers at be for the humidity today helping to disguise your flushed skin.

“Oh, hey! We didn’t know you guys were coming by today.” Jin greets nonchalantly, raising an arm to wave at them.

“Well,” the youngest speaks up this time, hand rubbing the back of their neck, ”we weren’t going to but when we realized what the weather was like out, we couldn’t let you guys deal with it all alone.”

You can’t help but smile at them in appreciation. “Thank you guys, you really didn’t have to.”

“This is our waterhole, we have to help too,” your middle sibling declares, pounding a fist into their chest dramatically.

You roll your eyes as they grin at you.

“Well let’s get to it, fam!” cheers the youngest.

“We’ll join you in a moment, just taking a short break,” you inform them.

“No worries, take your time. This heat is no joke.” They wave you off as they set up their equipment and bags.

You realise a sigh, reiterating your thanks as they go about cleaning. You watch them a moment before twisting your head to the side. “You wanna get a hold on yourself now?” you hiss over your shoulder. Jin’s prominent erection poking at your back, showing no signs of deflating any time soon.

He wraps his arms around you pulling closer. “I can’t help it, not when that perfect ass keeps pushing back on me.” he whispers into your ear. “And did you know your shoulders turn me on too? They’re so perfect for grabbing onto when I fuck into you from be-”

A yelp of pain gets your sibling’s attention, heads swiveling to look over you guys. Jin folded over, hand clutching at his right side where you’d elbowed him.

“He’s got a stitch in his side from cleaning out the lake. Sorry to scare you guys,” you give as an explanation, waving off their concerned gazes. Feeling bad, your oldest sibling decides to take over lake duty, telling you guys to take your time resting.

You nod gratefully, before turning your attention back to the frustratingly handsome man behind you. “Get a hold of yourself! Or you won’t be touching me for the next week!”

He looks at you in indignation, sputtering to find a response. “You can’t do that! We leave in a few days! We can finally go back to loud unfiltered sex!”

You twist around and smack a hand over his mouth. “I’m not kidding! Get it together, my siblings are here,” your eyes blazing with intent.

He removes your hand as he clears his throat. A playful glint in his eyes before he opens his obnoxious mouth. “You know you’re hot when you’re angry?” he manages before breaking out into his signature high pitched laugh.

Face flushing in annoyance, you smack his bare arm. “Fine! Good luck hiding it on your own!” you fume, leaning forward to push yourself up.

You don’t get far, as he cages you quickly with his arms, pulling you back against him, a panicked no permeating the humid air. You huff, as you feel the wind almost knock out of you at the force he uses to pull you back into place.

“Well are you gonna behave?” an unsaid ultimatum weaved into the question.

“Ah! It’s not my fault you’re so attractive! How can you blame me like this!” he continues to whine, like a petulant child not allowed to play with their favorite toy.

The pair of you continue to bicker, as your siblings slave away in restoring the clearing. It’s not long before they grow hot, exhausted by the muggy air engulfing them. Their patience and kindness waning, complaints for you both to hurry and join them—which you promptly do, with bottles of water in hand to help them cool down. Your small group makes quick work of the left over trash, as Jin takes care of what’s left in the lake.

The sun was just beginning it’s descent, stars just barely dotting across the darkening sky, when your small rag tag group finally finished; spent bodies leaning on each other, as weary eyes surveyed your hard work. It wasn’t what it once was, but it looked damn well on its way there and you couldn’t help the happy tears that brimmed your waterline. The arm around your shoulder gives you a quick squeeze, Jin's voice filling the air thanking everyone for their hard work.

The evening chill that cools your sweat soaked layers has the small group shivering. Giving the place one last sweep, you all agree to high tail it back for much needed showers and rest.

Tomorrow would be your last full day there and you wanted to make sure of one last thing. You would be trying to find a way to purify the lake water. You had been doing research and had read about techniques aiming to bring a lake back to or closer to man-made undisturbed conditions. You had found a lake restoration company not far outside of the town. Jin had already agreed to accompany you, willing to help in any way possible as you brought it up before going to bed that night. You had happily accepted, beholden by the revival of the Fae Kingdom.

The night was comfortably warm, filled with happy chatter in the beautiful glade. Fairy lights lit the area in a soft glow as many visitors sat around the lake, eating meals they had just pulled off grills or brought with them from home. Small clusters of families or couples relaxed after a day of fun and thrills.

Somewhere someone had brought a speaker, a soft pop melody permeating the air, as you quietly sing along to it, swaying in your fiance’s arms, his own angelic voice serenading you. Your family surrounded you, their loud boisterous laughs bringing you joy and comfort.

It had been a year since your visit, a year of the lake restoration working its magic. A year of love and care for the watering hole, which was almost a mirror of its former glory. Beautiful shades of green once more filling in patches of the ground, all the colors of the rainbow blooming, giving the space vibrance and life. There were signs of life all around you as creatures began to inhabit the area once more.

But the most amazing part is being able to witness the breathtaking globes of light that dance before your eyes. Soft, blinking lights that waltz around, unbothered by the visitors. The fairies had returned, they had come back home to their kingdom.

“They’re happy.”

“Huh,” you ask dumbly, breaking out of your reverie.

“The fairies, they’re happy to see you,” he voices.

A tender smile rests on his lips when you turn to him. He remembered. The childish story you had told him. And it’s in that moment, with blinking lights reflecting around him that you come to a realization.

“You’re the fairy prince. Well, you’re my real fairy prince,” you admit quietly.

He looks down at you, eyes searching yours before placing a kiss on the tip of your nose and pulling your back flush against him.

“I guess that makes you the future princess of the Fae Kingdom.”

You cling to his arms happily, taking in the gorgeous scenery before you.

“Besides, it only makes sense that someone as good looking as me is royalty.”

“And there goes the moment,” you grumble as you leave the safe space of his arms to join your family in their merriment.

“Hey! You know it’s true!” he exclaims, chasing after you, accompanied by a squeaking laugh.

#btscreatorscorner #bangtansorciere #purplearmynet #bts x reader #kim seokjin x reader #seokjin x reader #jin x reader #bts jin x reader #ksj #kim seokjin #bccsg

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fandom-imagines-stories · 3 years

Text

If I Go, I’m Goin

Dr. Spencer Reid x Reader

Words: 1845

Part One

Summary: With the reader’s funeral just days away, the team worries about Reid. Spencer struggles to cope and finds himself going to places he remembers being with you. Inspired by the song If I Go, I’m Goin by Gregory Alan Isakov.

Notes: I know. I’m mean.

Warnings: Character death, grief, depression

More Criminal Minds: HERE

And the photographs know I’m a liar

They laugh as I burn her down

She wasn’t leaving until he opened the door. J.J. knocked again, this time a little louder than the first. She had given him a day to himself, but now she was worried. It had been less than 48 hours since Y/N died. Everyone was dealing with it differently. Prentiss and Morgan went to the shooting range, Hotch buried himself in paperwork, Penelope was running around trying to fix everything, and Rossi was being, well, Rossi.

Everyone thought it was a good idea to let Reid be alone for a while, but they didn’t know what J.J. knew. They didn’t know what Y/N had told her that day. Of course, everyone had their suspicions, but J.J, and maybe Penelope, were the only ones that knew that Spence just lost the woman he’d loved for at least the past year.

The door slowly opened just enough for him to look out. From the little sliver that she could see, he didn’t look well. His eyes were sunken and dark and it looked like he hadn’t changed clothes since the hospital. The sight of his despair nearly brought tears to her eyes.

“Hey J.J.”

“Spence.” She greeted, her voice quiet and empathetic. “Can I come in?”

“Uh, I guess. Sure.” He stepped aside and let her walk past him into his living room. It was strangely well put together. She expected things to be discarded on the floor, for the kitchen sink to be full with dishes. But the only thing that seemed out of place was a single chair facing the window. “Why did you come?”

“I just wanted to see how you were holding up.”

“Did Hotch tell you to come see me?”

“Spence-”

“Because I really don’t need a psych evaluation right now.” He sat down in the chair in front of the window. Honestly, it was where he had been for the hours before J.J. got there. He just sat, looking out like he was waiting for Y/N to come down the street.

“I came here as a friend, Spencer. Not as an agent.”

“Oh.” She watched as the previous outburst lost its effect on him and he slumped forward, leaning his head on the glass. It was like watching a wounded animal stop fighting. It broke her heart.

Spencer didn’t say anything else. When J.J. asked him a question, he responded with either a silent nod or a quiet mumble. Eventually, there was nothing else she could say.

“We’re all here, Spence.” She put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “If you need anything before the funeral…” The last word nearly caught in her throat. Funeral. J.J. kept a steady appearance, leaning over and kissing the top of his head. “Bye Spence.”

He didn’t say anything as the door closed behind her. He didn’t even look back. Spencer kept his gaze out the window and watched J.J. get in her car and drive away. He must have sat there for a few more hours because by the time he finally moved, it was dark out.

He forced himself to stand and walk back to his room so he could take a much needed shower. Seeing his still made bed made his stomach twist. His mind conjured the image of a quiet morning, none in particular, where he laid with her. He laid with Y/N in his arms as the sun peeked through the windows. Just as quickly as it had come, the vision left, returning the room to its original empty state.

Spencer moved through his apartment aimlessly, his body moving before his mind could catch up. His thoughts were far away, trapped in those woods with the constant sound of an arrow cracking through bone. It cracked through his chest, leaving only a painful ache. He stepped into the shower with his clothes still on.

This old house, she’s quite the keeper

Quite the keeper of you

He was there before anyone else, sitting in the dim light by himself for nearly an hour. When Hotch quietly trudged to his office, he stopped suddenly, seeing the form sitting at his desk.

“Reid?” He flipped on the main lights and looked warily at the young agent. While he didn’t show it, Hotch noticed Reid’s disheveled appearance and blank expression. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to do some paperwork,” Reid replied, keeping his eyes trained in front of him. Hotch set his briefcase down.

“I told the team to take a few days off.”

“You’re here.”

“I have to deal with…” He trailed off, dreading the report sitting on his desk. Reid nodded, still not entirely paying attention to his supervisor.

“Right.” He continued to slowly tap his pen against the surface of his desk. Hotch knew that the psych evals weren’t until after everyone came back, but Reid was worrying him. Grabbing his briefcase, he kept a close eye on him as he went to his office.

Spencer stared at the desk across from him.

“Come on, there has to be something that you don’t know.” You challenged, chewing absentmindedly on the cap of your pen. Normally he would remark on how many germs were on the average pen, but when you did it, he thought it was cute.

“Of course there are things I don’t know, I just don’t talk about them because I don’t know them well enough to talk about them.”

“I bet you can’t name every character in Star Wars.”

“Alphabetically or in order of appearance.” He smirked smugly.

He blinked and the memory was gone. Y/N was gone and the emptiness returned. Spencer stood up, wanting to find something that would conjure another image of her. He wandered aimlessly around the office, slowly weaving in between desks. He opened the drawers of her old desk, but they had already been emptied. Her parents must have already cleaned it out.

Right. Her parents were here. He’d almost forgotten. They were here for the…

Somehow, he found himself standing in the break room in front of the empty coffee maker. He made himself a pot, not really thinking about his motions as he put the grounds in the filter and poured the water. It wasn’t until he imagined her hand on his arm that he felt anything at all.

“What are you doing?” He asked, an amused smile playing at his lips.

“I’m dancing.” You twirled to the other side of him, your playful laugh filling the small room.

“There isn’t any music playing.”

“Who said you need music to dance, Spence?” You took his hands and spun into him, giggling relentlessly. “Come on, dance with me.”

“Are you crazy? We’re at work.” He tried to sound stern, but he just laughed instead.

“So? Nobody will see us.” You put a hand on his shoulder and moved his arm around your waist. You both swayed to the music in your mind, your hearts somehow playing the same song. For a moment, you forgot where you were. You forgot that there was another horrific case awaiting you in the conference room and all that existed was you and the man that held you.

“Hey Y/N.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.” It seemed now that the two of you were swaying to the sounds of your heartbeats. You blinked up at him, surprised at first, but soon a bright smile spread across your face.

“I love you too.”

This vision faded slower than the last, Y/N’s face staying until the last possible moment. His arms ached from the emptiness, his feet rocking back and forth like he was dancing all on his own.

“Reid.” Hotch’s voice halted the music in his mind. His voice was grimmer, almost sadder than it was before. “Are you ready to go?”

“Go?” He read Hotch’s expression. “Oh. Right. That’s today.” Hotch nodded and stood aside so Reid could pass by.

“I’ll drive you home so you can change.”

If I go, I’m goin crazy

Let my darlin take me there

It was a perfectly nice day, making him even more sick to his stomach. The sun was out and clouds lazily drifted across the sky. He wished it would have rained. At least then, the world would look like he felt; colorless and dark.

Y/N’s parents both shared a few words and Penelope did the eulogy. Spencer was sure it was nice, but he couldn’t focus enough to really hear any of the words. Hotch kept a close eye on him, though he tried not to be obvious about it. Spencer felt like everyone was watching him, waiting for his numb exterior to break. He knew they meant well, but he’d appreciate it if they were a little more subtle about it.

Somehow, the ceremony felt both eternal and over too quickly. Before he had even moved to put his rose on the coffin, it seemed like everyone was leaving. Maybe it was just him; frozen in time until he could bring himself to step forward. It still felt like everyone was staring at him. How many people even knew about him and Y/N? Maybe everyone, at this point. They were profilers after all and he hadn’t been abundantly subtle on that last case.

That last case.

Suddenly the rose in his hand was an arrow, bloody and splintered at one end. It fell between his fingers and hit the grass as a flower again. A petal fell off and he held it to his lips. Was he going insane? Was this what it would be like from now on? Everything reminding him of that last moment with her? With the blood and the arrow and the screaming?

With a slow, shaky hand, he placed the rose on the coffin. Someone put their hand on top of his, but when he turned, there wasn’t anyone there and suddenly, he felt something… peaceful. Something that told him that all he would need to remember were the good things. The smiles. The laughter. The dances in the breakroom. Despite every logical impulse in his mind, every scientific fact he knew by memory, he knew. It was her. Y/N.

Finally, he started to cry. The numbness was gone and allowed for emotion to finally come to light. Sobs shook his body and nearly made his knees buckle, but he made himself stand. He ran his fingers over the gleaming surface of the coffin and cried.

“I love you. I’ll always love you.”

He must have stood there like that for at least an hour, if not several, but when he turned around, he found his team- his family- waiting there for him. And they walked away together, always to remember the member that they lost. A friend. A sister. A lover. And Spencer would never forget you, as long as he lived.

I will go if you ask me to

I will stay if you dare

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination; @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks; @kendahl0216

Requested Tag: @ lolalee24; @ haylaansmi; @ obsssedwithjustaboutanything;

#dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds imagines #Jennifer Jereau #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #if i go i'm goin #song based imagine #Matthew Grey Gubler #angst #sad #character death

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dennou-translations · 3 years

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Violet Evergarden Ever After: Chapter 3

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No one would imagine that a single drop could be the start of something so big. However, it would earn itself great meaning after a while passed. Should it continue pouring, it could also summon boundless blessings and curses.

Love was almost like rain.

The Journey and the Auto-Memories Doll

That one was a rain of betrayal.

It started with a calm morning, the sky unfolding without any hints of being enshrouded in dark clouds. Regardless, it did not take too long for the capricious rain brought by the heavens to turn into a downpour rarely seen in recent years.

There was no longer any sign of the rain that had started to fall like gentle kisses from paradise on the black hats of gentlemen walking around town, over the backs of cats dozing under the sun or onto the cheeks of children who opened their mouths and burst into laughter. The current season was the end of summer, and it was raining for the first in a long while in Leidenschaftlich, where the skies were constantly clear in summer, but had the god that controlled weather gone crazy? With time, as if a bucket had turned over, the city was hit by a flood.

This story is about an uneventful day, which did nothing but pass, in the lives of people who worked at a certain postal company.

The rain and wind struck the entire building as if attacking it. The doorbell rang loudly because of this, a man standing in place and staring at it with unease.

Creak-creak, the door moved. Ring-ring, the bell resounded. Since it was ringing despite there being no customers, he had become concerned and found himself coming down from his residence in the top floor.

In the previous year, the building had been shot with rocket artillery, and not only had it earned an enormous hole but a fire had also occurred – however, thanks to the quick skills of workmen, the hole was now closed and the walls had been neatly rebuilt.

The man was a stylish redhead. He was the president of this company, which he had named after himself.

Claudia Hodgins had been left all alone in the empty postal office. Still, it was normal for him to be there, as it was both his home and workplace. However, since he was by himself at a time that would usually still be within business hours, no matter what, he looked like he had been abandoned.

The postal office had been in great turmoil because of the storm. Surely, so had its peers. With the deliveries stagnated, complaints were coming from the clients. Nevertheless, the transportation was not carried out by machines devoid of feelings. It was something done by humans, who had been given birth to by someone and who had families waiting for them when they returned home. In lieu of the unpreceded disaster, as the president, he had notified all employees that business would be closed for today.

To begin with, the customers had stopped coming in the middle of the day. If he had to say so himself, this might be the expected. Deliberately going outside amidst such strong wind and torrential rain was an act of sheer madness.

Curious about what was going on outside, Hodgins had approached the entrance from the side. He felt like attempting to open the large doors just a little. He wanted to see how inundated the ground was. Just when he slow and carefully reached a hand towards it, the door opened with force despite him not doing anything.

“Ow...!”

“Oh, my bad. More importantly, we’re screwed; it’s just impossible, Old Man!”

Hodgins was teary-eyed as his precious nose took a hit. He was lightheaded for an instant due to the pain, but soon regained consciousness. After all, one of his employees had come back dripping-wet. Hodgins pulled him – whole body wrapped in rain gear – by the arm, bringing him inside and closing the door. Although it was only open for a few seconds, the entrance was already drenched.

The visitor took off the hood over his head, allowing his face to be seen. He was a splendidly handsome and fine man of sky-blue eyes and sandy-blond hair.

“Benedict...!”

Benedict Blue. One of the postal company’s postmen, who had been working in it ever since its founding.

“It’s impossible – actually, it’s absurd! Working under this rain is absurd! I look like I’m in the bath already. I wouldn’t have come here if I weren’t soaked... Making the staff pull out was the right choice,” Benedict said as if angry-yelling, shaking his head in the same way that a dog or cat would and splattering water splashes at Hodgins.

This wetted most of Hodgins’s shirt and face, but he was unable to reprimand his employee, who had been doing strenuous effort. He accepted it in resignation, wiping Benedict’s face with the sleeve of his shirt. “Okay, stay put.”

“Uoh, what’s with you? Stop.”

“Welcome home. I was worried. Good thing you’re all right.”

“O-Oh. What, hum... I’m back... You were worried about me?”

“Of course,” Hodgins said, to which Benedict turned away with an obviously embarrassed attitude after a moment of bewilderment.

Outside, vases and planters that may have been at the eaves of people’s houses, as well as shop signs, had been turning into weapons for a while now, dancing around the city along with the wind. Managing to come back unharmed and safely amidst this weather, where one could not know what would come flying their way, was something to be happy about.

“I’m just fine. This job’s easier than running around shooting guns. Anyway, I was left with the letters and packages of a guy who fell from his motorcycle and came back by myself. Was best to do that, right?”

“Aah, so someone got hurt?”

“That newbie, Clark. But he only scrapped his knees. He fell lots of times when he was learning how to ride, but for real, it’s surprisingly depressing when you fall off other than during practice. He was crying, y’see.”

“Aah~.”

Knowing who the person in question was, Hodgins pitied him. He was the youngest postman to join the company as of late. It was difficult to find human resources for postmen as they were quick to quit.

“He’s young, after all...”

“You call him young but... he’s already a grown man. I wonder if he ain’t lying to us about his age... I thought he was a baby or something.”

“You can’t compare him to a city boy fresh from the battlefield like yourself. I’m gonna get you a towel and a change of clothes now, so don’t move from there.”

“Why?”

“You’d wet the floor. Don’t tell me to go around cleaning up where you walked.”

“Clean it up,” he said while laughing, to which Hodgins’s shoulders slumped. He was a reliable companion, but also a young man who knew not how to show respect for his elders.

——Well, guess I’m a so-called doting parent for thinking that’s cute – no, doting boss.

Anyhow, they needed towels, Hodgins thought as he went back to his room. He grabbed a few large towels and held a pair of trousers and shirt that Benedict would apparently fit into under his arm. Then returned to the ground floor. By the time he did so, the number of people had increased.

“Uwah... Amazing, it’s like squeezing a rag.”

There were three more other than Benedict. If they were to be separated by types, one of them had evacuated after receiving a report of work, one had evacuated after finishing work, and one had been ordered to clock out, but all had come back halfway through, as their bodies were about to be blown off by the overwhelming storm.

“Please stop.” There was Violet Evergarden, whose golden hair was in Benedict’s grasp.

“Why? You said your hair was wet.”

“You just want to touch Violet’s hair, Benedict. Isn’t that right?” Lux Sibyl, who had given up on wiping her glasses and was glaring at the empty space.

“That’s not it. Don’t say weird stuff, Lux.”

“You knooow, my hair’s just as long as Violet’s.” And Cattleya Baudelaire, who scowled at Benedict with her arms crossed.

The members who had been there ever since the founding were Violet, Cattleya and Benedict, but Lux, having joined midway, was now a skillful secretary who covered up the schedule of the employees and president and moved them around like chess pieces. As the four people whose ages were close to each other’s came together, the conversation naturally livened up.

“You—You’re that kinda thing. If I touch you in a place like this, it’d be that kinda thing. This is our workplace, so there’s all that kinda thing. Morally speaking, it’s that kinda thing.”

“What do you mean ‘morally speaking’?!”

“I wish you wouldn’t say those things even if you think about them. Right, Violet?”

“‘Public morals’...? Benedict, what am I from your point of view?”

“V, you’re like a little sister to me... Aah, Old Man, gimme another towel.”

It was a terribly joyful thing that the company’s young aces had returned to it safe and sound.

“Everyone, don’t move from that spot no matter what. Hey, Cattleya! Don’t move!”

However, wiping all the water off the bodies of those four turned out to be a bone-breaking work.

Out of kindness, Hodgins invited the four people who had gathered up at the postal company to his residence in the top floor.

The whole floor was his apartment, thus it was quite large. A family of five could live comfortably in it. The furnishings were arranged in wooden items and serene shades of dark brown and green. It was a relaxed, adult atmosphere, where was nothing particularly funny. It had a faint scent of the perfume that Hodgins always wore.

The invited four let out sighs of relief. The biggest reason for it, although there was also the fact that this was Hodgins’s apartment, was that they were able to escape the horrible situation outdoors. With the exception of Lux, three of them were tough enough to take part in the act of physically crushing other postal companies, but human beings could not win against natural disasters.

“Hey, what do we do? We can’t go home anymore, can we?”

“There’s nothing we can do. We got no choice but stay in Old Man’s place.”

“First time something like this happens, huh. But we’re all together, so... might be imprudent of me to say this, but... it’s a bit fun. Violet, are you worried about your home?”

“Yes, about the flowerbeds.”

“You should say ‘about the people back home’, V.”

“The two went on a trip, so they are away. I promised that I would take care of the flowers in their absence, which is why... I am worried about the flowerbeds. Besides, if that house were to be destroyed by this storm, this place would meet its end much sooner... We have little time left to live.”

“Don’t go from talking about your family to destroying the company, Little Violet. Hey, hey, everyone, you’ll catch a cold so get changed first. Put the towels in the laundry basket. Benedict, don’t throw the towels wherever!”

As told by Hodgins, the employees firstly decided to change their clothes.

Violet and Cattleya had just returned from a work trip of two days and one night, thus they had a change of nightclothes in their bags, but Benedict and Lux did not. Although there was a height difference between them, Hodgins had no issues with lending clothes to Benedict, who was also a man, but there was a need for careful selection when it came to Lux.

“Shirt... shirt, shirt; all I have is shirts.”

“Hum, President, I’m fine with anything.”

“Eeh... that okay?”

As a result, the boy and girl came into the scene wearing baggy clothes. Benedict looked almost the same as when he and Hodgins first met. When he was left to chance completely naked in a desert, he had borrowed a shirt and trousers just as he was doing now. He seemed pleased with it, however...

“Feels kinda naughty...”

...the problem was Lux.

“Benedict’s fine, but maybe it won’t do for Little Lux? Is this okay?” Hodgins asked everyone with a meek face.

They all had at last settled down, each seated in a place of their preference while sipping tea. The employees were relaxing as if they were in their own homes. Contrary to the peaceful state of the situation inside, there was still a sound of rain hitting the windows and a troubled noise of something colliding against the building outside.

“What is ‘okay’ supposed to mean?” Sitting on the sofa, Violet tilted her head. Being comfortably dressed in a dusty-pink nightwear gave her usually disciplined self a slightly soft and gentle air.

“Little Violet.”

“Yes.”

“Your nightgown is cute, huh.”

“The people from the household bought it for me. Well, what is ‘okay’ supposed to mean? Was there any problem?”

“Little Lux’s clothes.”

For whatever reason, they had the person in question standing in the center of the room. With everyone’s eyes on her, she seemed uneasy.

“Hum... why do I have to stand in the middle?”

“Little Lux, stay like that and don’t move.”

“All right.”

“What is wrong with Lux’s look? You mean to say it lacks adornment?”

“Why would that be the case, Little Violet?”

“You are the one who chooses attires for us Dolls and you have particularities regarding the clothing and accessories, so I concluded that you might deem the plain shirt as not enough.”

“No, no.” Hodgins flailed both hands. The things he was saying had a moral value to them, out of fear that her outfit was perhaps vulgar.

Benedict had dealt with it by securing her trousers with a belt, but as Lux had too thin a waist, the outcome was the belt falling off. In short, she was not wearing pants. Inevitably, she was dressed in nothing but a shirt. However, her short stature fortunately made it look like a shirt-dress.

As Hodgins explained his concern, everyone said, “I see.”

Showered with their stares more and more, Lux began to blush.

“It gives off a dangerous feeling when you think she ain’t wearing any, but on second thought, isn’t that the same for skirts? There’s actually an open hole in them, but it’s not visible, so they’re classified as clothes. No big deal, is it?” Benedict had been standing with his back against the wall just a moment ago, yet had suddenly drawn close to her and started examining her fixatedly.

“Don’t say ‘not wearing any’!”

“Well, I mean, you really ain’t wearing any... but that’s okay. No biggie. You’re probably not an option for Old Man, so no worries. Right?”

“That’s rude!”

“I’m saying you don’t need to worry about that kinda thing... Should I take mine off, then? I see; I’m fine with it. I’ll be the same as you. That all right? I’m gonna take it off.”

“Stop, stop, stop!” As Benedict put a hand to his belt while laughing, Lux repeatedly hit his chest with her fists to stop him. Lux was red up to her ears. “I can’t take this anymore! Violet! Take Benedict to over there!”

“Understood.”

“Owowowow, V, ouch, that’s not it; it was the Old Man who said weird stuff first. We’re friends, so I was showing that she doesn’t have to get hung up over something like...”

Caught in Violet’s arms, Benedict obediently sat on the sofa. Perhaps in order not to allow him to escape, she gripped his hands and sat next to him.

Cattleya cut through the silence, “The tea is delicious.” She was scattered over the bed. She must have been tired from returning from the Doll business trip. Her eyes were downcast. She might be sleepy.

“Cattleya, do you not have any comments to make? I want to hear lots of opinions.”

“Eeeh, me?” Cattleya joined the needless debate as if it were a bother. “Hmmm... if someone were making her wear this because it’s their taste, it’d be gross indeed, but there’s no other clothes for her... It’d also be horrible to leave her with just a towel wrap, so I think it’s valid. Speaking of which, President...”

“Hm?”

“You’re saying that even though you pick open-chested clothes for my Doll outfits? And the times you were choosing Doll attires for me, y’knooow, you were never so considerate to say ‘not this, not this either’ when discussing it with the people from the made-to-order store...”

Her manner of speech was somewhat thorny, but Hodgins did not make much out of it. “That’s because they look good on you.” Rather, he said decisively, with an earnest gaze and excessive confidence, “Because they look good on you. Is my judgement wrong?”

“E-Eh?” Being replied to so unapologetically, Cattleya’s reasoning jumbled up, to the point she found herself wondering if she was the one in the wrong.

The Doll outfit that Cattleya usually wore was composed mainly of a crimson dress-coat, so there was no mistaking that one could not wear it unless the person was remarkably stylish. In addition, there was also no doubt that it was lascivious. Whoever looked at her would find their line of sight momentarily going to her chest. Still, whoever looked at her would remember the woman named Cattleya Baudelaire at once.

“No... it’s not like your choices are wrong... but I only forgive you because you’re the boss. I was shocked when you first showed me that outfit! I didn’t use to wear something like that before.”

“Well, but y’see, an hourglass-shaped person looks more slender when the area around their collarbone is exposed, and it’s pretty.”

An evident question mark floated above Violet’s head at the unfamiliar word. Benedict pointed a finger at the tea set arranged on the nearby table. An hourglass used to measure the time it took to steam the tealeaves was lying there. Perhaps finding the similarity between it and a plump chest and dainty hips, Violet nodded as if convinced.

“You’ve got an hourglass-shaped figure with that slim waist, so I gave you a coat-dress that puts this on display. You can adjust it with the ribbon, so it’s not a pain, right? It has a wonderful line in mathematical terms, y’know? Plus, you also have a cheerful character, so it doesn’t look vulgar. That’s important. It means that outfit takes into consideration even the personality of the one wearing it. And the owner of that made-to-order store is famous not just in this country but abroad. The outfits of our Dolls are on a whole different level in comparison to other companies, aren’t they?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“I don’t want to bring this up, but they’re very expensive.”

“Eh, I’m sorry. S-Should I pay you back? Either that or you can dock my salary...”

“No, you’re my Doll, after all. Nobody waters a flower to get money off it, right? It’s fine, Cattleya. Just stay pretty. It’s exactly because I have obsessions over clothes that I don’t want to make a girl look vulgar. And it’s exactly because I like girls that I want to have them shine wonderfully. That’s also why I have a few complaints about Little Lux’s usual plain clothes, though...”

“I don’t know why you decided to run a mail service, President, but I accept that passion of yours. I’ll wear those clothes with care. But, President, I’m doing my best, so I want a new outfit. A cute one.”

Listening to the conversation of the two in silence, perhaps tired of going along with her superior, Lux looked at Violet and Benedict’s direction with a gaze that quietly asked for help. There was a gap on the sofa that seemed enough for one person to sit. Having locked eyes with her, Violet told Benedict to scoot over after a brief moment and patted the open spot. Lux sat next to them, looking happy.

“Violet, what’re you drinking?” Lux peeked at the teacup that Violet was holding.

“I wonder. I took the tealeaves that were in the kitchen. I do not know what type of tea it is.”

“Darjeeling.”

“Benedict, how did you know?”

“‘Cause that guy likes Darjeeling. All the tea cans he has are nothing but that.”

“Guess I’m gonna drink that too; my body got cold from the long time under the rain.”

“Heeey, the three of you who ended the talk before we noticed! Listen to what I have to say.” Hodgins put his hands on his hips, pretending to be angry.

“We were deviating from the main subject. We deemed that it was not a necessary conversation and took action prioritizing Lux’s rest,” Violet expressed with a clear voice tone.

“Besides, this talk’s about bedroom wear, ain’t it?” Benedict added a two-fold retort. The blond, blue-eyed duo that looked like siblings stared at Hodgins with questioning eyes.

“Ugh, I comply with you two no matter what you say when you both look at me at the same time, so cut it out. But I’m not giving up. I think she needs one more article of clothing.”

“Hum... President, I’m okay with this. I’m already thankful that I could borrow your clothes. Besides, when you make such a big fuss about it, things that weren’t lewd in the first place start to seem lewd, so to say,” Lux said, wanting to end this topic as fast as possible.

“The solution has come to me. Wouldn’t it be best if I took the shirt and trousers and had Lux wear this nightgown?”

However, Violet wound up rewinding it.

——Violet!

Lux hit Violet repeatedly in her mind.

“Ah~, that’s right. If that’s the case, I can do it too. But maybe my nightgown is too big? It’s a negligee just like Violet’s. The shoulder length might be the problem for this one...”

“Old Man, you gonna die if you don’t obsess over the stuff we wear? You ain’t. Give up.”

“No way. Days like this one don’t come by. All five of us are trapped in the company and we can’t get out. You’ve got no choice but stay here in my house, right? We’re having the best of parties, a pajama party. I want it to be a good one. But I can’t enjoy it when I’m worrying over Little Lux’s clothes.”

Benedict contemplated a reply to Hodgins’s words for a few seconds, but soon stopped. He was probably tired. He looked Violet’s way and asked, “Hey, you not hungry? I’m gonna take a look at the kitchen.

“Hey, don’t ignore me.” As Benedict stood up, Hodgins chased after him.

“Benedict’s gonna make something? Yay! You guys probably don’t know this, but he’s good at cooking.” Cattleya lined up behind them.

“I didn’t say I was gonna make anything, though... Well, if you’re hungry, I can do it.”

“I shall assist you.” Violet raised her arms, rolling up her sleeves. Her prosthetics made a creaking noise.

“V, you can cook?”

“To some extent. In the military, I used to make preparations for the cooking. Mrs. Evergarden... Lady Tiffany also trained me on it.

“M-Me too... I can peel the potatoes, and stuff.” Lux hastily went after everyone. In a trail, a big move to the kitchen began to take place.

“Lux. You don’t usually cook, do you? I can already tell by just that statement. I’ll teach you.”

“Most things get solved just by peeling the potatoes... Benedict, you’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”

“Am not, Potato Demigod.”

“Violet, Benedict insulted me!”

“Benedict.”

“Owowow! V—! Don’t poke my sides! A hit from those crazy-ass prosthetics of yours ain’t no cutesy way to poke anyone! It just hurts like it normally would!”

In the end, Hodgins was able to find a light feather-print sweater in his closet and gave it to Lux. As she put it on, with her short stature, its length became the same as that of a long cardigan, which Hodgins was awfully pleased with for how adorable it was.

The madder-red sky was not visible at dusk, the outside morphing into evening with no changes in the rainy weather.

Benedict made a soup at random with the vegetables available in Hodgins’s kitchen, which had seasonings in abundance, while Violet and Cattleya supplied it with cookies that they had brought back as souvenirs from their ghostwriting business trip. Lux brought over small candy marbles that she kept stored in her desk at the company, and Benedict, instructed by Hodgins, reluctantly took an expensive bottle hidden on the liquor shelf of the latter’s room.

“Hey, let’s rummage through the desks of everyone in the company. There are probably gonna be other ingredients in them.”

“If it’s Mr. Anthony’s desk, I think there’s definitely something in it. Mr. Anthony always gives me sweets... We’re in a state of emergency so I’m sure he’ll forgive us for it.”

“There were sweets in the reception guys’ desks. Would they get mad if we took them?”

“Definitely seem like they would. But this sweet... is one of the tasty ones... I wanna eat it.”

Lux, who was still growing, and Benedict, who had missed lunch and did not have enough with just the vegetable soup, procured more food. The sweets that the hungry thieves sneaked from the company employees’ desks turned out as what could be considered a big catch, and so, the five people trapped inside during a day of usual rain commenced a night party.

The five of different ages, genders and positions were already at a state where they could be deemed as a single family through the many incidents they had overcome and the time they had spent together. They laughed a lot, talked a lot.

“You remember when Violet brought Lux over? She went to negotiate it directly with Old Man with so much might, like, ‘I have picked up a puppy. Please give me permission to raise it here. Now, hurry’. They were holding hands and she wouldn’t let go of Lux, explaining the situation all at length as if to say she wasn’t gonna move until he gave the permission. The way Old Man acted so suspicious back then was a real blast.”

“I remember~! He was like, ‘Eh, “demigod”? Eh, “abduction and confinement”? Have you told the military police about that?’... President was so troubled, walking in circles around the two. It was the funniest thing of that year.”

“Hum... I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t apologize, Little Lux. You’re our main player now, so you did what you could to get where you are. You really exerted yourself in this unfamiliar land. Work for us forever, ‘kay? Rather, for me. Little Violet does some unbelievable stuff sometimes, but she generally doesn’t do anything wrong, so back then, her first-time deed shook up even someone like me, with plenty of life experience. Saying no didn’t even cross my mind.”

“I knew that President Hodgins would give you a generous treatment. If I had not concluded so, I would not have done such a thing. Thank you very much for that time, President.”

“Little Violet... Little Violet’s all grown up too, huh; you’ve become a wonderful lady...”

“Well, she’s got you as her example of guardian figure, after all.”

“I was raised by both Benedict and President Hodgins. You are my examples.”

“Eh, so I’m Old Man’s son...? Gimme the whole company.”

“No way! Actually, you’re taking a part of the company in the future, so that much should be fine, right?”

“You were serious about that? If you split the company...”

“Yeah, I’ll be the vice-president. V, call me Vice-President Benedict.”

“Benedict will be... the vice-president?”

“Violet, you haven’t been to the company too often because of work, right? I’ll stay as President Hodgins’s secretary, but some of the employees will go to Benedict’s side. That’s gonna be pretty lonely... Still, the company will be built inside the country, so it’ll be close in terms of distance. But it won’t be the same building anymore.”

“Other people... will also be gone.”

“Did I tell you that my role’s gonna change too?”

“I have not heard about that.”

“I’ll be transferred to training the newcomers. Violet, you’ll stay as you are. Well, between you and me, if we were to debate on which one should be the instructor, it’d have to be me. I’m good at looking after others.”

“Cattleya will be... an instructor...”

“I’ll be here like always. The Doll department that Little Violet and the others are in will stay in the main office and you’re largely in charge of the numbers in our Doll department, so your role won’t change.”

“Sounds like I don’t make money when you put it like that.”

“No, it’s not like that... I’ve been keeping the right people in the right places since long ago, right? I asked you to do this because I thought you could be everyone’s big sis. Besides, wasn’t it you, Cattleya, who immediately replied that you’d to it when I said your pay would increase if you became an instructor?”

“Well, that’s because I don’t know how long I could keep on being a Doll. It’s a job you can do even when you get older, but walking up mountains has been hard lately. Probably because of my high heels.”

They truly laughed a lot and talked a lot.

In their feel-at-home looks, they played card games, discussed memories of their trips and laughed holding their stomachs at silly stories. The night went on and on and the heavy rain outside gradually subsided, but no one said, “Let’s go home, then”. Days like these were a rarity. They all knew this much.

“I’m having lots of fun today. It’d be great if it were always like this.” The words that Cattleya muttered with a big smile spoke for everyone’s feelings.

Whenever a fun feast reached its climax, the loneliness towards the fact that it was going to end would cross the corners of people’s heads. That applied not only to this day that God had granted them but also to matters in the long run.

Perhaps the company named CH Postal Company itself could also be considered a feast to the people gathered in it. “May this dream, this fun time go on forever,” they wished.

The dream had begun with Claudia Hodgins. He then picked up Cattleya Baudelaire, Benedict Blue and Violet Evergarden.

“Make sure to just lick it. So, how’s that?”

They had built the company office building in Leidenschaftlich and started it together. As the postal business was a privatized one and the competitors were many, nobody could predict at first for how long this company would continue to exist.

“This stings.”

A local customer then came, earning them a large-scale contract in the delivery business.

“Eh~, you okay, Violet? You’re better off as someone who can’t drink...”

Their Auto-Memories Doll activities began to stand out.

“But everyone is changing.”

“Doesn’t that have nothing to do with drinking alcohol? I drink ‘cause I like it. If you don’t, then stop.”

“That’s right, Violet.”

“No... Major has a taste for drinking during meals, so I had been thinking of learning to do it one day as well. You are all changing one after another whenever I blink. I have started eating with other people quite often at work as well. I, too, shall adapt...”

Along the way, a girl who would later become a brilliant secretary joined them.

“I see... Then I want to try drinking too. I’m a secretary, after all. I have to eat out with other people. What kind of taste is it, if you had to compare?”

Despite the major changes in the personal life of each, all of them had contributed to the development of the company, to the point that they spent every single day being busy.

“Close to that of a perfume. In that it is hard to swallow.”

There would surely be many, many more changes.

“Hey, I can’t approve that opinion. Big Sis here will introduce you to delicious drinks. Rather than being taught by a man, you should learn from me. Lux, you can’t yet.”

Surely, their fates would twist further.

“Eh~?!”

“Benedict, bring another one. And something to crack it open with.”

For people to gather up, an encounter had to have happened. That was what it meant.

“Aight, aight...” Benedict stood up from the sofa. He had been dragged into Cattleya’s scheme, in which she had planned the conspiracy of attempting to make Violet Evergarden consume alcohol, because he himself had complied with it.

“O-Owah. Old Man. You were here?”

“‘Were here,’ you ask... this is my house.”

As they came across each other in the kitchen, Benedict had let out a brash voice without thinking. The reason might be that he perhaps was seen grinning as he walked in. Despite his nihilistic attitude, he was happy to spend time with his friends.

“I-I know. I was thinking you were taking too long in the toilet...”

“Cigar.”

With the kitchen’s small window open, Hodgins was smoking a cigar. All of the women despised the smell, so he rarely ever let them see him smoking. Just when Benedict was thinking about how he had suddenly stood up and disappeared, there he was, smoking in secret.

——He only smokes when he can’t calm down, though.

There was no better day to relax with their companions, and yet.

“Hey, take a look outside. It’s so quiet after the storm... like the wind. Even though it was so loud before.” Perhaps due to him being a little drunk, Hodgins’s face was red.

“True... Hey, need more booze. Ain’t there anything easier to drink?”

“Eh, why? You can’t give it to Little Lux.”

“Cattleya wants to make V drink some. Well, ain’t it okay? I think it’s about time she learns the ropes. Dunno when we’ll get to drink with her again... and it’s better to have people you get along with teaching you this kinda thing, right?”

“Eeh... it’s still too soon. If you insist, isn’t it enough to drip a drop of rum into her tea?”

“Can you even call that a drink? Make it a degree higher.”

Hodgins gave a strained smile. “Hey, hey, her big brother figure shouldn’t be saying this...”

“I say it because I’m her big brother figure. I mean, we’re getting more rookies. She’s the highlight of our Doll department. Eating with people is part of having a big job. Before she gets involved with someone who wants to make her drink...”

“Does this have anything to do with me telling you to be the branch manager?”

Hearing a slightly icy voice coming from the president, Benedict blinked. “No... sorta.”

“She’s still a child, and I’ll definitely always be with her in those kinds of places, so it’s okay. It’s still early to teach her how to drink. Nope, nope.”

“A ‘child’, you say... well, she’s got a childish side, but she ain’t one anymore.”

“She is – you, Cattleya and Little Lux, too, are all kids to me. Because you’re quick to do this kind of thing if I don’t keep an eye on you... My, my,” Hodgins said, blowing out the tobacco smoke. Mismatched as it was for someone with such a mature appearance, Benedict could get a glimpse of childishness in him.

“You’ll keep trying to do that from now on too? That’s impossible; face the reality,” Benedict bit out incidentally.

Silence.

Benedict’s words were not wrong. The CH Postal Company was growing rapidly as a business. The fact that the postal company led by Salvatore Rinaudo had withdrawn from the postal industry in the previous year had a major influence in this. They now reigned at a pivotal position in Leidenschaftlich’s postal service. The CH Postal Company would soon account for nearly all of the commissions from the people living in Leidenschaftlich. Other than being busy with work affairs, there were even discussions about relocating the head office because of problems with waiting areas and break rooms due to securing new employees.

“Like, you and I are gonna get damn busy. The Auto-Memories Doll department is gonna be the main organ of the head office and my place will be ordinary mail, right? We’ll be teaching people how things go, and I’ll be doing deliveries too. You’re the one with the busiest role. Anything and everything’s gonna be relayed to you. Getting to be close to your employees like until now while doing all that is just...”

It was natural for a company that had become bigger to do a corporative split-off and for one of their employees to manage the branch office. Benedict was still young but had the power to bring people together. The task would not be an impossible one if they put a veteran of the head office in charge of taking over it. They could do this, Hodgins had decided, thus he came up with the proposal.

“The regular meetings and other stuff that I take part in happen in the head office... It’s not like we won’t get to see each other.”

“Everyone will have a different post and position. We won’t get to see each other. Same for you, Old Man.”

“If it’s work, I can adjust it. I’ll do my best to administrate everyone so that the employees can get a time every now and then to relax like this...”

“Old Man, even if you do your best, V’s dating that nasty-ass military officer, so won’t they get married someday? Dunno ‘bout it, but... that’s why it’s impossible to always watch over us in the first place...”

Silence.

“Hey, don’t clam up.”

What was being thrust at Hodgins now was something that he did not want to look straight at, despite thinking about and readying himself for it. That was what he was being told.

“Hodgins – hey, Old Man.”

It was something that Benedict Blue had the right to say, exactly because they had been doing everything together from the start.

“Hey, don’t take it in a weird way. I ain’t saying this to be malicious. You left the Auto-Memories Doll department in the head office ‘cause your wish to watch over V is a big deal, right? I get it. She’s special to you.”

“That’s not it; I—”

“But she won’t be a kid forever. She’s different from back when she started working, with you teaching her everything. She’s someone who’s gonna let go of your hand one day. She ain’t your real daughter or your girlfriend. Then, if you had to say what she is, at the end of the day, she’s your employee. You’ll part ways one day. If you don’t get ready for that now, will you manage to get over it if she marries into that bastard’s family and he makes her leave the company?”

“Will you manage to get over it?” The question ruminated in Hodgins’s heart.

Benedict had shot him where it hurt without mercy. He was a gun expert. His aim was precise and the bleeding made Hodgins want to hold his own chest down.

——Will I recover if I ever have to be separated from Violet Evergarden? Hodgins pondered earnestly over the question. ——I don’t know.

He truly did not know.

Bonds were things that could not easily break off once they had connected, yet reality, time and busyness unpityingly caused the existence of “friends” to grow far apart.

——To the point that I don’t know, I...

Surely, a day like this would not happen five years from now. Their place to return to amidst the rain would be somewhere else.

——It’s not just her, but also you and everyone else.

To begin with, they might not even be working in the company itself anymore until then. More of them would fall for someone, nurture their love and move their places to be in life to their “homes”.

Twenty, thirty years from now, it might be hard for them to even work. Or they would not be alive – there was also that possibility.

The one who was more aware of this than anybody else was Hodgins, the oldest of them all.

——I’m the one who’s farthest apart in age.

That was exactly why he did not know.

“I have no idea.”

He did not want to see it. Did not want to think about it.

“I have too many things that matter to me, so I can’t make a move anymore. Y’know, you... you might aught at this, but... rather than when you’re young, getting hurt becomes scarier when you grow older. You start losing the energy to do your best and heal. It’s tiring. Still...”

Hodgins had thought that the youth in front of him, who referred to him as “Old Man” on a daily basis, was probably going to laugh, yet Benedict was expressionless.

“Still...”

He did nothing but listen. His posture of properly listening at times like these somewhat...

——...looks like Little Violet.

“Still, I know I’m the one who has to get moving the most. I’m getting everyone involved in the things I wanna do. That’s why I do what I have to. I also counted on you, because I trust you. I left it in your care. But... that and my feelings for her and you guys...”

“I get it.”

“...are different things, right? Y’know, you’re... mean. I’m like a foster parent to you, and yet... Even if you understand my loneliness...”

While Hodgins spoke as if bursting out, Benedict put a hand to his mouth as though to stop him. “I get it.”

Time halted completely.

Was he supporting the flustered figure of the one who was like a parent to him?

“My bad.”

Before he had noticed, he was carrying a load of things he must protect. Was he doing this due to realizing that he had left Hodgins to chance, thinking, “That’s because it’s him”?

“My bad. That just now was on me.”

Silence.

“I didn’t have to pick today to say this. Isn’t that right?”

“You think I’m being lame right now, don’t you?”

“Nah, you ain’t all that cool in the first place.”

“That’s a lie; I’m a generally-acknowledged beautiful young man... no, beautiful middle-aged man.”

“You might not be cool, but well, that’s what’s good about you. Right?”

Silence.

“The cool thing about my Claudia Hodgins is his uncool side.”

Since Benedict was speaking as if to comfort a child, Hodgins told him to “shut up”, slightly annoyed, yet burst into laughter nevertheless.

The rain caused all sorts of things to pour. The way that people were drowned by the drops trickling down from the sky inevitably made them think about something.

As dawn broke, Claudia Hodgins sat up, body heavy from not getting much sleep. When he peeked at his room’s bed, Violet and Cattleya were sleeping wrapped in the same blanket. On the sofa, Benedict was scattered about, snoring in a way that made him want to laugh.

Hodgins looked for where Lux Sibyl might be. He went down from the third to the second floor, and then from the second to the first floor. She was nowhere to be found.

While thinking it could not be possible, Hodgins opened the front door, and sure enough, he could see the figure of a girl walking down the street towards him.

The clothes she had put to dry yesterday were surely half-wet. What was it that she wanted to do outside so badly to the point of going this far? He understood when he saw what she had in her arms.

“Ah, President.”

Lux was holding a paper bag with a lot of bread in it. The amount was enough that the small girl’s face could not be seen.

“Little Lux... could it be you went to buy us breakfast?”

Thinking back, this young woman was the kind of person who was always quick to act when she was trying to do something for someone. That was all it took to be a considerate person, but without kindness in their heart, they would not turn out this way. The reason why Hodgins had nominated her his secretary was not just that she could do any sort of work.

“That’s so nice.”

“Yes, the bakery owner is very nice. I woke up a bit too early, and when I went on a walk to see how things were outside, the bakery was just about to open and they were getting ready... I went to take a look ‘cause it seemed so delicious and they told me to come in.”

“Ah, hm...”

“I was so touched when they said they baked bread for people who were hungry early in the morning, so I told them many thanks for selling them and bought lots of it. It’s the bakery from that street around the corner.”

“As expected of my secretary. Did you properly get the receipt?”

At those words, Lux showed him a smile that resembled a blooming flower. “Huhu, of course.”

For Hodgins, who had spent the night deep in thought about all sorts of things, that smile was a soothing one. It was like the water of a lake for someone who was feeling thirsty.

Hodgins wordlessly took the bag from Lux. “Little Lux, I’m seriously glad you came to us.”

“Only in this kind of situation, right?”

“All the time. Always. Little Lux, you’re still young, will probably keep working with us... and you’re such a good secretary... I’m the happiest CEO in Leidenschaftlich.”

“Are you going to hire me for life?”

“Eh?”

“Is that a no?”

“No, I could. But that’d mean working with me for life, y’know?”

“Is that bad? I have nowhere else to go.”

When asked with such an innocent look, Hodgins faltered.

“I won’t say the stuff Benedict does, like wanting the company for me.”

“Well, I might... end up giving it to you if you say that, so don’t ever. Hahah... Of course, keep working for us forever and always at my place. Huh, this is kinda like a marriage vow... Wanna take this opportunity and marry me in the future? Just kidding...” Upon thinking that the jest that came out incidentally was an unsavory one right after saying it, Hodgins looked at Lux’s reaction, only to find her staring back at him blankly. He had made himself into a caricature of an old man bothering a girl. “No, it was a prank! But hey. Little Lux, you might be the only one who can go along with me, so having this kind of small talk is... I-I’m not looking at you with dirty eyes, really! We’re too far apart in age, after all! We’re c-close enough that we can crack this kind of joke to each other, right?”

Lux pretended to think for just a few seconds. “Huhu, I can tell. That it’s a joke, at least. But not happening. We’re not getting married.”

And then, she flat-out rejected him.

“Ah, yes.” Although Hodgins would have been at loss if she had accepted it, his shoulders dropped somewhat.

“But President, I’m prepared to nurse you if you ever become unable to work.”

“Don’t... suddenly thrust such a cruel reality at me.”

“Eh, is it? From my point of view... this is quite a deep form of love. President, you’re the first decent adult who accepted me. I’ll devote my whole life to you.”

“Little Lux, you sure like me a lot. Gonna marry me after all?”

This time, Lux actually grinned and replied, “I’ll take that one home and consider it.”

“Amazing; that answer’s like the business talk at the company.”

“Because you’re teasing me... even though you’re well-aware that I don’t even know love yet.”

“Don’t know love yet”. The destructive power of those words caused Hodgins to regret his lighthearted proposal a little.

“Then, I’ll ask again in about five years. I should be at a nice middle age by then.”

“You say that, President, but you’re going on a trip with some hottie next week. I know it.”

The duo, who somehow seemed like they would or other be hanging together for a long time, returned to the office with bouncing chatter.

In order to make breakfast for everyone together, Hodgins and Lux stood in the kitchen by themselves.

Besides the already-baked bread, they would need drinks and vegetables. Those were merely simple preliminary preparations, but Hodgins felt that just this was somehow enjoyable, unlike doing the work on his own.

“President, you have yours with one sugar cube and a slice of lemon, right?”

“And for Little Lux, it’s two sugar cubes with milk, yeah? I know it.”

While arranging the bread on a plate, they also poured water over the tealeaves and left them to steam. Perhaps due to the scenery that could be seen from the kitchen’s small window being a blue sky with not a single cloud in it, it was awfully dazzling.

“Good morning.”

The next person who appeared amidst the morning sunlight was Violet. Her soft golden hair was just a bit disheveled. Hodgins’s hand naturally reached out to it.

“Morning... You’ve got a bedhead, Little Violet.”

“Excuse me...” Violet looked back at Hodgins as he caressed her head, seeming a little embarrassed. Her eyes were just slightly red. She might have not been able to sleep very well.

“Morning, Violet. Are Cattleya and Benedict also up?”

“Benedict was awake until a while ago, but when I got up from the bed, he began sleeping again by Cattleya’s side.”

“Morally speaking, it’s that kinda thing. I’ll go give him a warning.”

Hodgins laughed a little, seeing Lux off as she walked away while rotating her tiny shoulders. He then turned his gaze back to Violet. Her bedhead, which he had supposedly fixed with the caressing, had returned. For some reason, both of them being alone like this in a kitchen bathed in morning sunlight struck him as extremely peculiar.

Just the two of them, having such a tender time. How many more opportunities would they have for that?

They were already at it. He should talk about something. That was what Hodgins thought, but the words did not come out of him. Not because he had no topic to discuss. He could come up with as many things to talk about as he wanted, such wanting flowers to decorate the table or that they would surely have many customers today who were unable to come yesterday.

But he did not want to spoil this morning. He felt that it might crumble if he spoke even one sentence.

Violet was there. She had her blue eyes directed his way, looking at him. It was no longer awkward for the two of them to stay silent. That was their relationship.

Perhaps still sleepy, she was in a haze. He wanted to watch her standing amidst this gentle time for a little longer.

As she would usually always seem wide-awake, Hodgins believed that she was laidback to this extent due to being in the presence of people with whom she could be at ease from the bottom of her heart. That he had played a part in this feeling of security of hers.

——Will you forget one day?

One day, the position that Claudia Hodgins occupied in the life of Violet Evergarden would become smaller.

——She only gets bigger on my end, though.

Going to the hospital numerous times. Pushing her wheelchair. Giving her a notebook and teaching her how to write.

——I for sure can’t forget. These moments, days, everything like this with you.

The fact that he had not stopped her from fighting in the war. That he had thought they could use her.

——I can’t forget.

Delivering to Violet an outfit that could hide her prosthetic arms, yet that would also make her look her most beautiful.

——I’m sure I won’t forget about this morning either.

About that quiet morning, which was much like the one from before everyone was caught in the great storm and barged in.

Hodgins touched Violet’s hair again. Although she had told Benedict not to touch it, with Hodgins, she all but slightly left a strand in his hand’s care and let him take it, almost like how a cat would do.

——Aah, I want to hug you.

He was not in love with her. That would never be the case.

However, if she were his real daughter, on days like these, mornings like these, he would have easily said, “Good morning, precious” and embraced her.

“I had a dream, President Hodgins,” Violet whispered out of the blue with a freshly awake, faintly hoarse voice.

“Dream...?”

The stunning young woman, who was no longer a girl, talked about her dream like a child, “Yes; in the dream... you owned a clothing store.”

“Huhu, that so?”

“I cannot make clothes. You told me that you did not need me, President Hodgins, if I could not make clothes...”

“That’s horrible of me, huh.”

“Even when I said I could polish the shoes, clean up or do anything, you did not listen...”

Unlike the real one, the dream version of Hodgins had apparently chosen to part ways with Violet.

“Little Violet, what did you do about that?”

“I asked countless times. However, you rejected it countless times. I thought about standing in front of the shop until you allowed me in, but it started raining like yesterday.”

“Hm. And then?”

“Major Gilbert came to pick me up and told me to come home with him, but...”

“Hm.”

“I waited for President to come out of the store even as the lights went out.”

“Hm.”

“Despite waiting and waiting, President Hodgins did not come out, and at some point, a passerby told me, ‘This shop has moved’.”

“Even though it was open until just a moment ago?”

“It was a dream, after all... And then – and then, I asked where it was and went after it. Benedict and Cattleya also appeared in-between, but they seemed to have other things to do, saying they would come after me later... As for Lux, she was the only one who had been hired by you from the very beginning, so she also asked you to hire me again, but in the end, you said no could do.”

“Hm...” Suddenly, Hodgins felt so pained about everything that it was hard to breathe. “And then, Little Violet, what did you do...?” His hand reached out to Violet.

“I kept looking at the interior of the store beyond the shop window from outside.”

Not towards her head, but towards her eyes, where her golden lashes fluttered like the wings of a fairy.

“Inside it, many people – people that I know and do not know – came and left... showing how lively the shop was.”

A sea had silently formed in them, which dissolved and disappeared once Hodgins’s index finger touched it.

“Major came to pick me up for the nth time and said you had told him that my standing there was causing him problems. But, for whatever reason, I at the very least knew that if I stepped away from there even for a moment, you would never let me in... therefore, I could not comply. But I did not want to trouble you, President, so I was unable to make a decision... I attempted to ask Major for instructions, but he was also gone before I realized.”

The sea – the teardrop – turned into a pearl and slipped down her cheek.

“I... I... ended up crying.” Violet stared at the sky, the look in her eyes seeming almost as if the scene from her dream was there at this very moment. “To think I would cry like that...”

“Hm.”

“That was why President Hodgins would not hire me, I thought... And also why Major had grown tired and left.”

“Hm.”

“Then, without my notice, you came outside. You looked the same as that post-war day when you went to visit me at the hospital. You were very surprised with my appearance, as I was soaked with mud and rain. And so, you said this: ‘Guess we’ll start with how to hold a needle’. You told me that you had not invited me for the new job because it would surely be difficult with these hands of mine, so I was extremely relieved... Then, then...” Violet’s words cut off at once.

Unable to hold himself back, Hodgins pulled her into an embrace as if shoving her little head into his chest.

While being embraced, Violet said with eyes that looked as though she was still dreaming, “...with some effort, I could still be helpful. I was able to confirm this, after all.”

Hearing her let out a relieved sigh in his arms, Hodgins forgot about both his and Violet’s positions, clasping her to his chest very, very firmly. “You sure are helpful... Was there anything about me that made you feel uncertain?” Upon realizing that his voice sounded tearful, Hodgins allowed the tears to overflow at the truth.

——Aah, I’m such an idiot. Got caught up in it and ended up crying too.

As the girl whom he thought of as his own daughter, despite her being an actual adult, had shed tears, he found himself crying along with her. Almost like a child. Even though he was supposed to conduct himself as an elder in this situation.

“I do not know.”

“But, has anything like that ever happened until now...? You had that dream because you were uneasy.”

“‘Uneasy’... That might have been the case. Yesterday night, I came to know that many things were progressing while I was away, so I have the feeling that I was quite agitated.”

“Sorry; we were doing things on our own accord. Even though we’ve been together since the founding.”

“No, I am often absent, and it is only natural for some things to be decided in the meantime. I am an employee. I feel that your judgement is correct. Employees must correspond to the changes of a company. My surroundings are about to change significantly. I am grateful to you, President, for letting me be here like always. However...”

“‘However’...?”

“However, I do not know if I can cope with it. With the matters regarding Major, the ones regarding the company... with the fact that Benedict will be going to a different office building. When I think about these things...”

“It’s okay.”

“When I think about them, I realize that the number of things I should prioritize has increased too much.”

“Little Violet.”

“The order of priorities...”

“It’s all right.”

“I have to deal with situations of every kind as I live, and yet...”

——Surely, Violet Evergarden wouldn’t be alive if she didn’t do that.

Always, at all times.

She had been living through corresponding to her surroundings despite being at loss regarding its circumstances, putting everything she could do to use while looking for a place to belong and an adult who would take care of her. She was not allowed to waver. For beasts, hesitation was death.

Violet did not know unconditional love. She now had at last earned herself this warm place through her efforts, but it was about to suffer a rapid change with the course of time.

After running, running and running, Violet – previously one such beast – was watching the nest she had finally found crumble down. Even when people knew they had to prepare to start running again, there would come a time when they would be short of breath and unable to move.

Violet had gone from wild animal to person.

Her human parts and animal parts co-existed, occasionally revealing themselves. When she was the animal, she simply did not mind how much a place changed as long as she could live in it. However, it was difficult to live while holding something better, more important.

Now that she had become a person through the increasing of her emotions...

“I shall fight. I can always be of use. President Hodgins, please forget this aspect of me that I just showed you.”

...she had turned into just a girl who was a little bit scared of the future.

“Please... forget about it.”

Who had made her this way? Gilbert was likely the first, but the ones who had done the finishing touches were definitely all the people in this place.

“No way, I’m not forgetting.”

At Hodgins’s words, Violet lowered her eyebrows, looking troubled.

“Don’t make a face like that; I’m not teasing. I meant to say that you don’t need to worry about it. You indeed might’ve gotten weak. But is that a bad thing? You had nothing when you met me for the first time. Not even your brooch, right...? But now you have lots of things. You went on a journey for a long time and got more stuff to shoulder while you were at it, so it’s no wonder that you’d end up in a dilemma.” Albeit knowing that Cattleya, Benedict and Lux were looking at them in shock from the shadows at the doorway, Hodgins went on, “You know... life is a journey. Little Violet, you’ll go on this journey, won’t you?”

He had already forgotten about his anxiety. The feeling of frustration at such things and the overwhelming wish to cling to someone were now gone.

“You started your journey with a little less luggage than other people, so you’re staring at your bag now that it’s gotten a bit heavy, wondering what happened to it. You don’t know what to throw away anymore.”

He was able to think, from the depths of his heart, that he had returned to his usual self. While embracing her, who was indeed still young and confused in the middle of her journey, he was finally able to think so.

“You need clothes and money, of course, and good shoes are vital. Right, and an umbrella too. When you look into your bag and realize that you actually have nothing that you can get rid of, it’s indeed a problem. Even though it’s a hassle because it’s so heavy. What do you think you should do?”

He could still be useful.

“Train... my physical strength... No, calibrate my prosthetics...”

He was still needed.

“You’re such a fool... Either leave it in someone’s care and continue the journey or have someone take half of it.”

Even if it were only for a short while.

“Gilbert will probably take half of the luggage. I can take care of the rest that you can’t carry over here. I’ll be in Leidenschaftlich forever, after all. Little Violet, no matter where you go, I’ll stay here and wait for you to come back, and no matter when you come over, I’ll welcome you. I’ll take care of the contents of your bag with pleasure.”

——Even if you only remember me a few times a year someday...

“Listen up: whenever you’re troubled, remember that I’m here. And then you’ll be able to go on a journey again anytime.”

——...I’ll ready myself to welcome you at any time of the year.

“Am I really supposed to leave my luggage here?”

——I’m the kind of man who can do that, and you need it for sure.

“Hm-hm, that’s not it. Y’see, this is about memories. All you have to do is to know. That I’m here. This is the way to make your luggage lighter. Whenever you’re having problems, bam, remember me. If you do that, the worries you have now will definitely decrease a little. Y’know, at the end of the day... people’s place to come home to aren’t places, they’re ‘somebody’. You should know that much. You’d have gone to any battlefield if Gilbert was there, right? Someday, yes, you might quit being an Auto-Memories Doll. You might not come back to Leidenschaftlich.”

——It’ll be great if this “someday” never comes, though.

“But your current memories are with me. I’ll be a representation of them. So that you, my dear... will be able to open your memories anytime. When this moment right now becomes nostalgic to you, come see me. I’ll always be here. Waiting for you. You’re feeling ‘lonely’ right now. But... Little Violet. You have me. You’re not alone.”

——I want you to remember.

“I do not understand very well... However...”

——I’m always protecting you.

“...you have always guided me.”

——Waiting for your return.

“I never doubt your word.”

——I’ll be waiting here.

“But, President Hodgins, I have only one wish.”

——I want you to show up when your journey ends.

Deciding to deal with the sobbing coming from behind the door later, Hodgins opted for staying like this for just a bit longer. Her lover might get angry if he saw it, but he had the right to do it, at least to some extent. After all, she was Claudia Hodgins’s dear employee.

Hodgins asked with a particularly gentle tone, “What would it be, Little Violet?”

Violet blinked and looked up at Hodgins. The last drop spilled from her eyes.

“If, only if... there comes a time when you will quit the postal company and start doing something else...”

“Hm.”

“...please call me. No matter where you are, I will rush to you.”

“Hm.”

“I will definitely be of help... Even if not, should your luggage become too much, please call me when you need someone to carry it for you. I shall hasten to visit you.”

“For real?”

“Yes. I, too, will carry President’s luggage. You should know it. I am strong.”

“Huhu, yep, definitely. One day, you’ll understand what I mean by ‘luggage’. Hey...”

“Hiya, I’m Hodgins. What’s your name?”

Silence.

“This kid’s such a taciturn.”

“She... doesn’t have a name yet. She’s an orphan with no education. Can’t talk either.”

“That’s so terrible of you. She’s such a beauty. Just give a name worthy of her.”

“Little Violet, thanks for meeting me.”

Love was almost like rain.

#violet evergarden #fyeahvioletevergarden #veedit #kyoani #kyoto animation #violet evergarden ever after #claudia hodgins #benedict blue #cattleya baudelaire #lux sibyl #akatsuki kana #takase akiko #my translation #novel

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awritingtree · 4 years

Text

Promises

Draco Malfoy x sister!reader

@kashishwrites 300 writing challenge: Hurt/comfort prompt 12. “Why didn't you tell me?” and angst prompt 6. “Is this how little you think of me?” The prompts have been bolded.

Summary: Draco witnesses his sister get bullied and finds out that she’s been keeping it from him all these years. Draco finally steps up and owns up to his role as her older brother, the one whose supposed to protect her and be her shoulder to lean on.

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: ANGST, bullying, depression, fluff, blood and house discrimination. If bullying or depression talk will trigger you, please don’t read.

A/N: this took so much longer to write than expected. Uni is really kicking my butt with the amount of work each professor is deciding to assign. I wanted to do this more justice but I just couldn’t write this any better. It could’ve been way better but oh well, it’s decent at least. Hope you guys like it xx

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“Draco!” a voice cut called out, through the Slytherin common room. Draco, who was sitting with Parkinson, Crabbe and Goyle, near the fireplace looked up to see Blaise Zabini, another one of the Slytherins.

“You need to come with me,” he said while trying to catch his breath, “It’s Y/N.”

Draco shot up from his seat instantly and followed Zabini out of the common room, past the Great Hall and towards the Ravenclaw Tower. Draco could see a small crowd up ahead of the corridor as they turned a corner. He could hear laughs coming from a few of the students. When they were close enough Draco realized what was going on.

There in the centre of the circle were three Gryffindor 7th year boys, making fun of someone, throwing their bag’s contents onto the floor. Draco slipped his wand out as soon as he saw the bag, gripping it so tightly he was surprised it didn’t snap in half. His shoulders tensed from an anger so intense, it could have obliterated everything around him for miles.

“Oh, look here. Malfoy’s got a muggle book. Going to use it to help Mummy and Daddy find new ways to torture, are you?”

“Give it back,” spoke Draco, his voice so low from the rage brewing inside, everyone flinched due to its ferocity. He glared at the three boys in front of him. ‘Filthy, disgusting excuses of wizards. How dare they pick on a Malfoy!?’ thought Draco.

Y/N’s tear-filled eyes widened at the sight in front of her. Her back was pressed against the wall, hoping it would swallow her whole taking her far away from everyone.

“Leave,” threatened Draco, raising his wand slightly. Zabini came and stood beside Draco; wand raised too.

The three red-and-gold-clad boys looked at each other. They threw Y/N’s bag onto the floor before turning around and walking away, deciding the fight was not worth it. The crowd cleared off, now that the drama was over.

Y/N slid down the wall and buried her face in her knees. She could hear Zabini and her brother conversing, but she didn’t dare to look up. How could she? How could she face her brother after what had just happened? He would surely hate her. She was a Malfoy, she couldn’t afford to look weak in front of anyone, much less be bullied in front of an audience.

Y/N continued to cry into her knees even as she heard someone slide down the wall next to her. Draco wrapped his arm around Y/N, pulling her into his side. His other hand went up to stroke her hair in a soothing manner. He couldn’t bear to hear her cry, he wanted to take all her pain away, but alas he couldn’t. The least he thought he could do is provide her some comfort and so that he did.

“How long has this been going on?” Draco asked, once Y/N calmed down a bit.

“Since first year,” Y/N admitted quietly, looking down at her fidgeting hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you’d care.”

“I’m your brother,” countered Draco.

“Yes but you’re a git too, no offense, and you know it. You go around being unpleasant to other people; muggleborns, half-bloods, ‘blood-traitors’ as you say. You bully others for being who they are, something they have no choice over. I didn’t think you’d care because you act the same way as those boys do. What makes you different from those boys? Why would you care enough to help me when I am so weak?”

“Is this how little you think of me? I’m your brother, Y/N. Of course, I’m going to care,” said Draco, hurt by what his sister was telling him.

“You certainly haven’t acted like you do for quite some time now,” Y/N couldn’t help but scoff.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Draco, puzzled. He thought they were fine, on good terms; they talked occasionally given that he was a Slytherin and she was sorted into Ravenclaw in his second year. Draco remembered how furious his father had been; he sent a Howler the very next day. Though, he calmed down a bit soon after because (apparently) Ravenclaw was better than Hufflepuff or Gryffindor.

Something snapped inside of Y/N when she heard those words pour out from Draco’s mouth. Years of pent-up feelings, trying to pretend everything was alright, bubbled over; years of not letting the tears fall - the dam finally broke.

“You haven’t been around, Draco. Yes, we still talk but it isn’t the same as before. I tried making friends, finding a life without someone who's always been there, right by my side. But in the end, everyone left. It was my fault they left too; I am too much deal with, I know that. I wouldn’t put up with me either,” she cried, “I feel so alone, even in a castle filled with students at every corner. Everyone says Hogwarts feels like home, but it doesn’t to me, it never has. But then again, I don’t know what home feels like anymore, not since I got sorted into Ravenclaw. I really thought we could get through anything, but that was false. I just keep hoping that things will get better but instead I set myself up for more and more disappointment. I’m tired, Draco. I’m so very tired. I’m tired of feeling nothing but this constant emptiness instead of me. I want to feel something other than this constant loneliness and sadness. I- I don’t think I’m okay. I don’t think I have been for a while. But does it really even matter? Nobody’s noticed,” she let out a hollow laugh, one that shook Draco to the core.

"Nobody ever notices anything except Malfoy’s weak little sister; weird and a loner," she said weakly.

Draco could feel his heart clench at his baby sister’s words. The same baby sister that he promised to always protect, the same baby sister that he promised he would never leave her side, the baby sister who he promised he would love unconditionally. But it seemed that Draco was a master at breaking promises.

“I- um,” he stuttered at a loss of words.

Draco took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. This was not the time to break down, his little sister needed him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Y/N whispered out, shaking her head making a move to stand up.

“What are you sorry for? Why shouldn’t you have said anything?” Draco asked. He put a hand on her forearm, stopping her movements to stand up.

“I shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter, Draco. It’ll all be fine soon. I’ll get over it,” she smiled weakly, though Draco could see through it all.

“No you’re not. You’re not fine. I-,” Draco said softly, shaking his head slightly, “Talk to me Y/N, please.”

“I said I’m fine, Draco. Just, leave me alone!” Y/N exclaimed, ripping her arm out of his grip and getting up. Draco quickly stood up, reaching out to her as she walked towards her bag thrown across the floor.

“Y/N/N, please. I just want to help,” Draco tried reasoning calmly. He couldn’t get mad at her. He wasn’t. He knew she was only doing this because she was tired of letting people in who only turned their backs on her when she needed them the most. He had been one of these people, he knew he was. He failed to realize how bad things had gotten for her. Y/N had always been a bit more emotional than others ever since she was young, taking things to heart. Whenever their father, Lucius Malfoy, got furious she would be off for days; wallowing in sadness, guilt, and a dislike towards herself for being the way that she was - for not being better. She cried a lot too. Things affected her more deeply, the smallest of words setting her off. She felt too deeply.

“I want to understand,” he said.

Y/N scoffed.

“Understand? You want to understand? I don’t even understand what this is, Draco! Sometimes I wake up and I feel like I’m on top of the world, but then suddenly the will to do anything but lay in bed disappears. All I want then is to crawl back to bed and never wake up again. I feel like crying, but with no reason as to why. I’ll be fine one second then crying my eyes out the next. I want to understand why I feel this way. My thoughts always go back to everything those three boys tell me every single day without fail. Why do they pick on me? Is it me? But of course it’s me, what else could it be?”

Draco was stunned into silence. He didn’t know what to say; what could he say? Y/N took a deep breath, looking down at the floor, her shoulders slumped forwards.

“It hurts, it hurts so much,” she choked out, trying to keep herself together.

Draco frowned, “What hurts?”

“I don’t know, everywhere.”

Draco grew even more confused. He approached her hesitantly, stopping a few feet away in case she lashed out again.

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, looking up at her brother. Her eyes were filled with tears she was trying to keep at bay.

“It- It feels like this ache in my chest, spreading. And it just makes me want to cry more. It’s more of an internal pain, one that I can’t seem to get rid of, no matter how hard I try. I try to. I do. I try to be happy, to still go on about my day hoping it’ll get better. But it doesn’t. I just feel like an outsider in this world full of happy, living people. And I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Draco stepped towards her; his arms outstretched. Y/N fell into them, clinging to her older brother. Draco wrapped his arm around her while his other arm stroked her hair, soothing and comforting her.

‘How long had she felt this way?’ he wondered.

He then remembered all the times he’s seen her throughout the past few years; always alone, barely laughing or smiling, days where she looked exhausted, days where she looked like she wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. Throughout all this, there was the dull look in her eyes, one that was still there at this moment.

He felt his heart clench in his chest. How could he have not noticed? Everything was right there in front of his eyes, but he had been too selfish; too far up his own arse to notice that the only person in the world he could love more than himself (even though he hadn’t been showing that the best for a few years now) was losing love for herself and life.

He felt horrible. He failed to protect her from the horrors of the world, and he hated himself for it. He brought her closer to hold her tighter against him as her body shook with every sob she let out. Holding her so tightly, hoping to make up for the fact that he wasn’t there to hold her all the previous times she’d broken down like this, all alone in her dorm, with a silencing charm and the curtains drawn. A few of his own tears streamed down his face onto her head but neither Draco nor Y/N she took any notice.

“I’m here. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” whispered Draco over and over again, trying to make up for all the times he broke his previous promises.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

It’d been a few months since Draco made those promises to Y/N, never failing to fulfill them each and every day. He invited her to sit at the Slytherin table while other times he’d sit at the Ravenclaw table during meals. He spent time with her after class, in the library or down by the Black Lake when the weather allowed it; talking, doing their homework, or just sitting in silence. They became attached to the hip, even more than the infamous Weasley twins.

Today was one of those days where nothing seemed to be going right for Y/N. Starting with waking up late causing her to skip breakfast, to failing one of her major Potions tests. It didn’t help that those three Gryffindor boys caught her on the way to the Transfiguration, taunting her and leaving after burning her journal that was filled with ideas of new stories she’d wanted to write to ashes. All Y/N wanted to do was go to bed and cry, cuddling with her bunny stuffed toy. But of course, she never got what she wanted.

“Y/N/N!” Draco’s voice called after her.

Y/N stopped and turned around to wait for Draco to catch up with her.

“Where are you going? I thought we were-” he stopped once he took in her appearance, “Is everything okay?”

Y/N shook her head, clutching to her bag’s shoulder straps.

“What is it? What happened?” Draco asked, concerned.

“I just want to go to bed, Dray.”

“What, why? It’s only 4 o’clock, Y/N.”

“I know. I- I’m just tired,” Y/N replied weakly. She was truly exhausted due to the day she had.

“Oh. Well, come on,” Draco said grabbing her hand and pulling her along with him.

“Where are we going?”

“To my dorms. You can sleep there. I’ll bring you some hot chocolate later too. I’m not leaving you alone.”

Y/N felt her heart warm up, a small smile making its way onto her face. Maybe, he really was going to keep his promises this time. Maybe, someone did notice, someone did care.

Draco was becoming a better person after spending so much time with his little sister. His care and love for her seemed to outshine any of the prejudice and hatred instilled in him by their father. This was witnessed by many a few days ago.

Y/N was making her way towards the Great Hall from the greenhouses when she heard a voice.

“Watch where you’re going mudblood,” the voice spit.

Y/N turned a corner to see Pansy Parkinson, the girl that obsessively pined over her brother, glaring at Hermione Granger, Harry Potter’s best friend.

“Watch your mouth,” said the redhead.

‘Ron Weasley’ realized Y/N.

“Draco, did you hear what this Weasel just said to me!?” Parkinson shrieked. Y/N winced at the tone of her voice, noticing Draco do the same thing which brought a tiny smile to her face.

“Let it go,” drawled Draco, rolling his eyes.

“What do you mean ‘let it go’? She bumped into me! She did it purposely just because she’s a filthy little mudblood.”

Draco sighed irritated, “That makes no sense. No one is going to bump into someone just because they’re a muggleborn. Now let’s go Pansy.”

Everyone gaped at Draco. He didn’t seem to realize he’d just said, grabbing Pansy by her arm and dragging her away towards the Great Hall.

Y/N shot a sweet smile towards Granger, Potter and Weasley whom she passed by as she headed towards the Great Hall. However, the trio seemed to be too shocked by Draco’s actions and words to return the kind gesture.

‘He called her a muggleborn without thinking twice about it,’ Y/N thought, smiling to herself as she walked with a small skip in her steps.

“Here. It’s your favourite jumper of mine. Change and get comfy. I’ll grab the blanket you really like from my trunk.”

Y/N took the jumper and sweatpants from Draco, heading towards the bathroom to get changed. She walked out to see Draco waiting for her with the blanket spread on his bed. She sat down beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he whispered.

Y/N shook her head.

“You can cry if you want. I’m not going to judge you for it,” Draco spoke softly.

Y/N didn’t reply. Draco sighed and turned his head to the side, pressing a kiss to her temple. Soon after Draco felt cold wet tears hit his neck. He held Y/N more tightly, trying to convey that she was never alone, not as long as he was in this world.

After a few minutes, Y/N quieted down. “Get in bed,” Draco spoke softly to her.

“No,” she said, “I have work to do. I can’t-”

“It’s okay. I’ll do it for you. Just sleep, okay?”

Y/N hesitated before nodding. She moved under the blanket and curled up in Draco’s bed.

Draco got up and tucked her in properly.

“Sleep, Y/N/N. I’ll be right here,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Draco got his books, along with Y/N’s from their bags. He sat down on the floor resting against his bed getting ready to do her, and some of his, work as Y/N fell asleep, a content look on her face.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

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skye-thorne · 3 years

Text

it's just you and me now

Based on @screnwriter's prompt: after your lover dies, your friend has to physically drag you away from their body, while you cry uncontrollably and kick them, screaming at your friend to let you go, which can be found amongst many other wonderful prompts here.

This isn’t real. It can’t be.

The world is spinning, falling apart; it feels wrong, so wrong.

Civillian’s gaze is empty, his face cold and still, and it hurts.

Physically.

It’s a pain that stabs her right in the chest, sending icy tremors down her spine and across her skin, like she's about to die too.

Hero sees those eyes, the warmest caramel colour, crinkled at the corners as he smiles at her. They’re dancing in her kitchen and it’s a week ago and he’s still alive.

Fooled Around and Fell in Love by Elvin Bishop crackles through the speakers of her radio on the counter. They sway in each other’s arms, both laughing as their eyes meet. He spins her, pale blue skirt twirling around her, and it’s a little slice of that ordinary magic he taught Hero to look for in the world.

“Magic is everywhere,” Civilian told her one night when they were both curled up on the living room couch watching Peter Pan, her head on his shoulder. His thumb was tracing circles on her hand entwined in his, and she remembers shivering. “We just take it for granted,” he’d said.

When she’d taken his head in her hands and kissed him, savouring the taste of strawberry pie on his lips, she understood what he meant.

He was her magic.

And now he’s gone.

She’s gasping for breath, her hands running up and down Civillian’s torso, shaking him, willing him to blink, to breathe in, to say “Honey it’s alright, this is all a misunderstanding.” And then he’ll smile, warm and radiant, and take her hand, and everything will be alright.

But he doesn’t move, his eyes stare into nothing, and her vision is blurring from tears, and her suit is soaked with his blood, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

“No no no no no no no. This can’t be happening,” she keeps saying, stuck on a loop, refusing to move forward. “Please,” Hero gasps hoarsely, resting her head on his chest, her fingers gripping his white t-shirt now stained with blood. Sobs rack her chest, tears wrenching themselves from her body with physical force.

“Alright, I think that’s enough,” a voice says from behind her, deep and detached from emotion, completely unaffected by the scene in front of him, unbothered by the carnage he caused.

Him.

Her best friend, her confidant, the second most important person in her life.

Cold hatred surges through her blood, and if she wasn’t so lost in her grief, she’d be pouncing on him, ripping him to shreds, stabbing him with the same knife he’d used on her Civilian.

This is the man who took her on adventures in high school, from climbing on the roof of the gas station for midnight stargazing to scavenger hunts at the aquarium to cringy poetry slams where they screamed about their teenage angst until their voices were hoarse.

This is the man who pulled her from the deepest parts of her depression, staying faithfully by her side as she struggled through the littlest of things. He was there to encourage her, give her reasons to get out of bed, provide hope for a future where things weren’t so bleak.

This is the man who brought her coffee and cheese danishes (her favourite) when they were up late studying for finals, and who supported her in her campaign against her creepy algebra professor (going so far as to sneak into the professor’s office for evidence against him), and who helped her hide and care for the stray cat she found wandering around campus, even though both of them could have been fined per the school’s rules on animals in campus housing.

This is the man who made her his signature lasagna every Tuesday for their game nights together, watching all of her card tricks with interest and dominating her in Spades, only for her to destroy him at Rummy. Their competition was fierce and ruthless and bantery, and when they finished their games for the night, the two of them would sit on her balcony, naming the stars like they were back on the gas station roof in high school.

He was one of the first to know about her alter-ego and superhero work, and he made it his mission to keep up with her mental and physical health, talking her through dark missions that left her shaken and making sure she never went to work on an empty stomach.

When Villain kidnapped Civilian, her friend was there for her, comforting her as she lost herself to anxiety, helping her find the clarity to handle the situation reasonably.

And then the situation evolved. It was a showdown, a war between heroes and villains, and Hero never could have expected the outcome.

When the battle was over, when Hero was on her knees, surrounded by fallen civilians and heroes and villains alike, she’d looked up to find Villain, her villain, standing there with Civilian. The air was still, eerily so, Civilian and Villain the only ones left standing on a field of death. Civilian’s hair was ruffled, his face bruised, dark circles under his eyes, and his hands were tied behind his back. Hero’s heart had beat wildly against her chest, and she'd had to swallow bile back at seeing him like that, beaten and bruised and afraid because of her.

But then he looked up at her, and his shoulders relaxed, and his caramel eyes crinkled, and his crooked, pained smile in spite of the bleak circumstances felt like home.

It’s going to be alright, his expression said.

And before Hero could react, or move, or even blink, Villain had plunged a knife through Civilian’s heart.

And when he’d ripped his mask off, the triumphant, gloating eyes that met her’s were his.

Her best friend. Standing over the love of her life, knife dripping blood, his eyes pinned on her as Civilian whimpered in pain. Her best friend was Villain.

And then he stabbed Civilian again, in the stomach, and Hero let out a strangled, feral sound, and she was rushing towards his body as he dropped to the ground.

By the time she’d reached him, he was already gone.

Now, Hero ignores Villain, holding tighter to Civilian’s body. Let him kill her if that’s his endgame. What reason did she have to continue living?

Rough hands grab her arms, tearing her away from Civilian. Villain clamps a metal band around her wrist, an ability dampener, and the shock of the device sucking her powers away is nothing compared to the shock of Villain’s hands around her arms, her friend’s hands, a sensation so familiar yet so foreignly callous now.

“No,” Hero protests, numbly at first. Villain’s grip is iron as he wraps both arms around her, pulling her away from the battlefield, away from Civilian. “No!” Her words are almost unintelligible, ragged screams as she repeats the same word over and over again.

She’s kicking and thrashing and screaming and pleading and cursing, but it’s no use.

“Let me go!” She yells the words over and over again until her throat is raw because her brain can’t process the situation enough to generate anything else to say.

Without her powers, there’s nothing she can do to fight against his enhanced strength.

“Shh, it’s okay now love,” Villain says, the words soft and comforting and sickeningly sweet, before planting a kiss on top of her head.

Bile rises in the back of her throat, burning its way into her mouth. She swallows it back down, shuddering in Villain’s grip.

“Please,” she croaks, her voice barely a whisper. “Just let me go.”

They’ve made it to a car now, his car, parked safely away from the massacre behind them.

“I can’t do that,” he says, so simply, as if it’s an obvious fact. He holds her with one arm as he moves to retrieve something from his coat pocket, and though Hero tries to use this to her advantage, to kick out away from him, he’s quick to snake the other arm back around her.

When he lifts his hand, the needle of the syringe in his grasp glints in the falling sunlight. It’s her only warning before he plunges the syringe into her neck, sharp pain exploding from the invasion point.

“It’s just you and me now, Hero,” he whispers against her ear, and though his breath is hot on her neck, chills scatter across her skin. He presses a soft kiss to her pulse, smothering her pounding heartbeat.

As she slumps against him, the world fading to black, the last thing she hears is Villain’s rumbling voice.

“Just like it was always meant to be.”

#villain x hero #hero x civilian #villain x heroine #my writing #writing #creative writing #fiction #romance #tw: death #tw: depression #heroes and villains #villain #hero #heroxvillain #short story #ficlet #writers #writeblr #twist

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cloud9in · 3 years

Text

The Half of It - 2 (Poppy x MC)

Summary: Bea, the town’s outcast is recruited by the school jock to win Poppy’s heart. But what happens when she starts falling for her as well?

HIGHLY recommend you read/re-read part 1

No warnings this chapter

Word Count: 2.6k

Chapter 2: How to write a love letter 101

“In love, one always starts by deceiving oneself...and ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls romance.”

- Oscar Wilde

I was tasked with what was probably the hardest piece of writing I’ve done in all of my years of highschool, and I wrote eight different versions of the analysis on David vs Goliath my freshman year. That’s besides the point, it wasn’t like any normal research essay. No. For some reason I found that my one and only letter to Poppy would have to be the best thing I ever wrote in the entirety of the universe. Too bad I had to make it sound like it was written by Carter, that big stupid jock. You can guess how severely depressed I became after reading what he had initially written…

“Dear Poppy, I think you’re really beautiful. Even if you were ugly, I’d want to know you, because you are smart and nice, too. It’s hard to find all those things in one girl. But even if you were only two of those things, I’d be into it. But you’re, like, all three, just to be clear.”

Bea reads off the paper, turning her head with cringe and confusion at the confident jock sitting next to her. Carter smiles, “She’s all three, like you know all three backs of football. The running back, the fullback-”

“Thanks for clarifying...:”

Carter stares awkwardly, waiting for her to continue on. And Bea does, with a big ass sigh.

“...About me. Some people think I’m the cutest one in my family. Those people being my grandma...who’s dead now...Never mind about my dead grandma. All I’m saying is that I like fries. I like dipping them in my milkshake. Is that weird? It’s actually really tasty. Would you like to try that with me sometime?

CJ, school quarterback.”

Bea takes a good five minutes to compose herself. Yeah this was definitely gonna be a long week. She lowers the paper slightly and turns to Carter, a puzzled look in her eyes. “So what you’re trying to say is-”

“I’m in love with her.”

That confession definitely would have sent her sprawling a few feet back if she hadn’t been sitting. Love? What was love? And why does she despise it now that Carter has mentioned it.

“...Have you ever spoken to her?”

“Well...no, I’m not good with words. Besides, would I be here with you if I did talk to her?”

Bea rolls her eyes and huffs exhaustingly. “Carter, you're not in love. You’re just stubborn.”

“No I’m not! It’s love, I know it’s love. Love feels different, it doesn’t feel...real. It almost feels impossible. But we indulge in it because of the thrill, the adrenaline of chasing someone mindlessly...and wanting to be present in everything they do. There’s that ‘what if?’, the question that could make or break that love. Even if the ending isn’t what you had hoped for, at least you know how it felt to feel so much joy, so much want.”

Carter stares up at the ceiling in thought, his eyes seem to be unfocused, staring at nothing and everything. Bea gazes over at him in part shock and part admiration, a smile painting her face. “...Wow.”

“...Hm, yeah. I heard it in a dating app commercial once.”

Bea gasps and smacks Carter repeatedly with the letter in her hand, clearly disappointed.

“Wha- Ow!”

“And here I was thinking you were being original.”

Bea eventually sits back in her seat, her shoulders slumping as she reads the letter over and over again, trying to make sense of it. That was the problem though, it didn’t make sense, well maybe the fries part did, but the blonde had a lot of work to do. Carter watches her silently until he can’t hold back the lingering question in his head. “...Haven’t you ever felt it? That screwy feeling that love gives you? Poppy makes me feel screwy.”

Bea continues to read, her eyes glued onto the words that are slightly falling out of the printed lines of the notebook paper. But her mind is fully elsewhere, she heard his question loud and clear. The only thing she could muster was an annoyed “no” in efforts to not become vulnerable.

He intertwined his hands together, leaning back on the bench. “...Oh I get it, you’ve never been in love have you?”

Bea’s legs were already one step ahead of her mind as they sprung her out of the seat. She grabs her bag and swats the papers in Carter’s direction, a scoff leaving her lips. “You want a love letter? I’ll give you a love letter!”

“Yeah but will it be something that makes her fall in love with me and not walk away like you’re doing right now-” Carter’s voice rings out hurriedly yet Bea can’t hear anything except the pounding of her heart getting louder as she stalks out of the church. Love, love, love, what even is it? Will I ever feel it? There is nobody who could make me feel-

The blonde was cut abruptly out of her thoughts as she crashed into someone, who was most likely on their respective part of the sidewalk. All of the materials in her arms fell to the concrete and Bea rushed to pick them up, “I’m sorry I-”

A familiar blonde set of locks and porcelain skin came into view and she immediately stopped and looked up. Poppy’s eyes were already boring into hers, a look of slight concern, and maybe annoyance? on her face.

“...I’m-I’m Bea Hughes…” She could only stutter, all those moments that she pretended to talk to Poppy in her room were definitely not paying off.

But maybe it did pay off because a small smile, masked with sparkly pink lip gloss started to form. Poppy bit her lip as her eyes crinkled with amusement, “...Yeah I know. You’ve only been playing my dad’s services on Sunday for, like, four years. He does favour you...even if you are a heathen.” Poppy peers over at the church that Bea had just come out of and raises an eyebrow in curiosity. She picks up a stray book from the ground and grins with an impressed look. “Remains of The Day...Loved it. Mr. Stevens is quite the character.” Okay, so Poppy has great taste in literature, that’s another thing to add to the list that Bea totally doesn’t have stored in the notes app of her phone. Listen, she has to write a love letter to Poppy Min Sinclair, so every piece of information is vital.

Poppy hands the book to Bea, their eyes never leaving each other while standing up. Say something Bea. Anything. It’s almost like the strawberry blonde was waiting, hoping, for her to speak .

But she said nothing. No, all the insecure blonde could do is stare into Poppy’s eyes, almost as if she wasn’t afraid to turn to stone.

The sound of car tires scraping against the pavement caused Poppy to break eye contact before smiling one last time at Bea. “This is me.” Bea watched the shorter girl stroll past her so casually, the complete opposite of what she was feeling in the moment. She didn’t speak until Poppy closed the car door and the driver took off, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips. “I’m Bea Hughes? Really?”

***

Bea sat in front of her tv, a pen and notepad in her hand. She couldn’t think of anything to write down. How do you write a love letter, or a confession? This is the one thing she had trouble writing. The tv blasted on with 1987’s “Wings of Desire”. Bea cocked her head to the side when the man started to profess his love. She put her pen to the pad and started writing.

Poppy,

You don’t know me, and truth be told I see that as a good thing. You know that saying, there are plenty of fish in the sea? Well I am not a fisherman, nor do I think you are a fish. Letters are not the form of communication that I would personally prefer, but I am the one writing to you. So no more complaining. I think you are interesting. Like a book I want to read. I’d even read the author’s notes at the end just to get every bit of you. I don’t desire a lot of things, but I long for a wave of love to swell up in me. That’s what makes me so clumsy: the lack of pleasure.

Yours,

Carter

***

Bea pushes down on her pedals, pacing her breath with each turn of the wheels beneath her. The voice of Carter appears as he races behind her, careful not to send her flying last time. Then she’d never write a letter again. “Bea! She wrote back!”

The blonde pulled the brakes on her bicycle so hard a wheel might have popped off. She was out of breath but suddenly the reason for it was different. Bea grabs the letter from Carter’s hands and makes haste to read the words she imagined would sit on the paper.

Carter,

I like Wim Wenders too. Wouldn’t have plagiarized him though.

-Poppy

“Who’s Wim Wenders and why’d you cheat off of him? Bea I looked up what plagiarism meant.”

“I didn’t cheat off of him!...Okay maybe I did but this is a good thing!”

“HOW?”

“It’s...it’s like a game. She’s challenging us..but in a good way.” Bea nods to Carter but also to herself. There was a response. She didn’t think that Poppy would write back but she did and it has changed Bea’s outlook on everything. She was in, and there was no way it could stop now.

“So...are we back in the game?” Carter’s words jumble Bea out of her thoughts and she stutters, “Yep..yes we are.” No you are. “We are definitely back in it.” Nope just you Bea.

Bea leaves Carter with an awkward fist bump before peddling away, her mind racing with a million thoughts. But they always seem to close back into one familiar blonde who danced and did everything Bea couldn’t. She sighed, the adrenaline pumping its way out of her lungs.

“Game on, Poppy Min Sinclair.”

***

Bea spent the following days perfecting her next letter to Poppy. This one would be more heartfelt, and less cringe and plagiaristic like her last one. It would come from her and only her...but for Carter of course. The thing is, when Bea started writing again, she didn’t think about the fact that Carter would take credit for everything on the paper, and that he would be the one that develops a *possible* relationship with Poppy. Maybe she didn’t want to think about that part, but the other parts brought just the right amount of serotonin to make her shitty day better. Everything she read, everywhere she went reminded her of the strawberry blonde, and of the unfinished letter. Bea attempted to step into the life of Carter’s and speak like a jock would, without making him seem like something he is not. But that was hard. Because it was her words, her mind. Carter would take that from her, even if it was unintentional.

It didn’t help that Carter didn’t want them to be seen together in public. He would slide to the opposite end of the bench in the church when his football buddies would come in. Bea didn’t take it personal. She of course had other things going through her mind.

It took 7 days. One week. To finish the second letter, a very short one. Bea wouldn’t describe herself as a perfectionist, but every word that Poppy would read had to be perfect.

Dear Poppy,

Okay you got me…

Now that that’s done, let’s start over yeah? I’ll start by saying that I sometimes hide behind other people’s words. For one thing, I know nothing about love. I’m 17 and I’ve lived in Farmsville my whole life. I hang out with my friends, I keep my head down. I’m a simple...guy. Which is to say, if I knew what love was, I would quote myself. But I don’t. I have a question for you, please answer it in any way you want. Are you happy where you are right now?

-Carter

Bea sat in the church, silently tapping away at the keys of piano, a simple soft melody following the nod of her head. Carter had found her like that but didn’t want to disturb. Except, Poppy wrote back again, so this was big news. They both sat in confession booths as Bea read the letter quietly, her hand gripping the edges a little too harshly.

Dear Carter,

You know that it takes eleven muscles to yawn? This is the sort of weird fact I find myself recalling to keep myself from...well yawning. Or showing anything I feel really. And I find myself doing that a lot. So yeah..believe it or not, I turn to other people’s words too.

When you’re a pretty girl, and I know it makes me sound conceited, but sometimes I am, but that’s why you’re even writing to me right? I mean my image is what gives me attention, I’ve grown used to that fact. When you’re a pretty girl, people want to give you things. What they really want is to make you like them. Not like them as in, “i like you”, but like them as in, “i am like you.” You may think I’m different, but I’m like a lot of other people. Which makes me kind of no one. It looks like I’ve found my place but I really haven’t. Just a girl who’s lost in the mix. I don’t know why I feel like I can tell you this, but you provide the sort of safety I always craved. You’re interesting Carter, I like you.

-Poppy

Bea read the last sentence more times than she should’ve. Carter watched her silently as she stared into the lines of the paper, maybe hoping that more words would magically appear. The blonde couldn’t describe the feeling in her chest, but it hurt. Physically.

“Uh...can I text her now?”

“Too soon.”

“No, I'm gonna do it now.”

Bea felt herself starting to get frustrated, but calmness always overtook any other feeling she had. She was taught to be rational.

“You do that and she’ll think you’re just like everyone else.” You’re not like anyone else Bea, she needs to know that.

Carter lets out a heavy sigh and pulls out his phone. Bea felt a buzz in her pocket and pulled hers out as well. A message pops up alerting Bea of another income of $50 being sent to her.

***

Bea slogged through the crowded halls trying to find the exit but before she can walk any further, a firm hand grabs her and pulls her into a familiar classroom. The blonde turns to scowl at the perpetrator which was probably Bradley, but instead she sees bright red lips and black glasses. Ms. Kingsley. But she doesn’t look too happy.

The older woman holds up a paper which Bea recognizes immediately as her letter to Poppy. How in the world did she get that?

“So...this is why half my class is failing their essays?”

Bea could make a snarky comment back to her, but the sight of the letter sends her thoughts spiraling once again. She lets out a defeated sigh. I mean how did this woman know she’d written that letter? Ina Kingsley knew everything. “Look...I’ll be reopen for business soon enough.” Bea starts to turn to leave and looks at Kingsley one more time. “I can’t do this for much longer.”

Bea couldn’t hold in her feelings for much longer as well. But not even Kingsley knew that. She walked out of the classroom with her head down, hoping to avoid eye contact with the one she wanted to see the most.

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End Note: Part two is here woah. Thought it would never come.

Tags: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme @baexpoppy @zigxryanz @uselesslesbianfr @aleiramacaii @thedaft1 @alexlabhont @iamsimpforpoppy @cloakanddaggerthings @straightlikewetspaghetti

#queen b #poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc #mc x poppy #playchoices #any feedback is appreciated #my brain is toast #poppy will definitely become centric in this story #starting next chapter

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dubsxreader · 3 years

Text

worship the king //.o1 // shigaraki tomura x female!reader

summary: after the soul crushing realization that you're not meant to be the Hero you've spent your life training to be, you hunt down the most indiscriminate killer you know: Dabi. his man-child of a leader being there only makes the task easier, right? too bad Shigaraki has a knack for seeing things in others they don't see themselves. wc: 3,312 playlist: here!

rated: M for dark and mature themes; future lewd tw: suicidal ideation (seriously don't read if you're in a bad mindset this probs won't help), depression, toxic thoughts, manipulation, the start of a v dependent, idolizing relationship ie "worship" in all definitions of the word haha. Shigs taking advantage of a mentally vulnerable hero basically; dead dove do not eat for that reason.

a/n: this is something I wrote almost year ago now, when I first fell head over heels for Shigs and really felt like bnha was saving me from insanity haha. I have 15 pages of notes for this fic, but for now, for the King's birthday, this is my thank you to him and a year of loving Shigaraki Tomura <3 also to the xreader community for being my gateway into every fandom that takes over my life haha. will be posted to ao3 later

You stand on a cracked, littered rooftop, sullenly looking over the calamity you figured would be destroying the lives of every day, happily unaware citizens tonight. A slight sigh of relief leaves your chewed-to-hell lips, hidden to your own addled mind but glaringly apparent to any of your fellow heroes who’d commented on your state of mind the past few months.

You appreciated their care, you really did—for all the surface level care it could give, that is. It wasn’t their fault they couldn’t understand. They were simply more Heroic than you, official capital and all. More driven, stronger, faster… But you’ve been doing the absolute best you can, and you were sure of that. Days–weeks months?–of harshly honest self speculation assured you of your failures and of the fact that, simply put, you weren’t cut out for shouldering multitudes of lives every time you stepped out your door. Heroism didn’t just end when you took off your costume; no, it was an ideology that should be ingrained into the soul of the costume wearer, and you’d come to the jarring conclusion that, after all your special training, you just weren’t up to snuff.

You couldn’t even save yourself from your own demons. How the hell were you supposed to save those more deserving of life if you couldn’t cope with your own shit?

A small, condescending snort leaves your nostrils as you observe the blue flames engulfing the area below you. Fucking worthless. What was the point, then? Hours of support Hero's work on your items, costume—wasted. The countless words of love and support from friends and family. Ha. Your eyes track the small movements of the current chaos’ perpetrators with a keenness you've found twisted comfort in recently. A familiar, all encompassing fixation gears up that brings you out of the cloud of self-doubt, hate, and deprecation that was so, so wrong to feel as a Pro-Hero in today’s society. In this bubble there's a solution, so it's okay. You let out a numbing breath.

Maybe you could give the Villains +1 morality in the eyes of whatever twisted being rested on their laurels, idly watching as you drive yourself insane.

A swift gust of wind knocks the empty cans and bottles from their peaceful resting places as you leave your perch, descending into the empty alley below to begin your last stand against yourself. Resolute and heavy steps echo in the widened, deserted streets of the city you vowed to protect—a small, still aware part of you thankful it’s so late at night that most would be sleeping. Your targets (saviors?) usually moved when they would make the most social impact, but you’d been tracking a certain member that didn’t seem to adhere to their strict schedule.

Whoever they were behind the obvious moniker, they seemed to kill liberally. It should be easy. You take a numbing breath.

The stench of burning flesh and ash is suddenly all too pungent, assaulting your senses enough to kick your mind into another, more logical plane and question how stupid you’re being. How disappointed everyone who knew you would be. Izuku and Hitoshi, especially, had been trying their hardest to devote extra time to you recently, you knew that—fuck, how selfish were you to bring their attention away from a goal they’d fought so hard to achieve?

The flames are smoldering char on concrete when you arrive at the end of another alleyway, just as dirty as the one you’d come from… But the incineration just seemed to have cleansed the way of its trash. You nearly sigh again in morbid relief when you see two men still standing there in the aftermath. You can see from behind that the man you’ve been tracking, Dabi, still has his left arm extended, as if relishing the memory of his flames destroying the ones he deemed unworthy.

Hands in your hero costume’s pockets, you steel yourself in your usual Hero emotions: indignation, conviction, disgust at the idea of them feeling they had a right to do anything going against the grain of the society you were indoctrinated into. You clear your throat with the last of your practiced confidence, bringing the sights of the two Villains to your own frame shadowed by the bright street lamp at your back.

“You two aren’t planning on getting away with this, are you?”

Your simple, deadpan drawl has both men scoffing to themselves and sharing a look of exasperation and annoyance. They clearly want nothing more than to be done with whatever the hell they were doing; your gaze sharpens in acknowledgment while their own take note of your hero costume. This is it. This is really it. You’ve done it. Is it really what you want?

Your eyes ice over, hardening to protect your vulnerabilities when they meet those of the second man’s own carmine flecks, so unflinching and so, so bored from behind his trademark hand.

Yeah. This is it.

Resignation freezing the rest of your visage and nothing left to say, you dash forward with simple physical speed, locking onto the Villain you recognize as the leader of the League of Villains himself. Sure, Dabi was a proven relentless killer, but you figure if you go after the leader himself there would be even less hesitation or time to think on either side. They were both reportedly unflinching, ruthless, uncaring and absolutely evil, but Shigaraki’s devilishness was practically beaten into you at this point. He was the obvious candidate, the oddness of his presence meaningless yet welcome at this point.

Your eyes never leave his as you take those last three lunging leaps, your arm cocked back in a hopeful show of some impressive power you might possess, in a display grand enough to paint yourself as a threat if not at the very least an annoyance.

Blue flames lick at the back of your costume. You’d somehow been faster than Dabi’s flames, which made no sense at all—you weren’t fast in any capacity if you were to judge yourself. It must’ve been a misfire. Lucky you’ve targeted the faster acting Villain.

Something distinctly odd flashes in his previously disinterested eye as you rush him, your Quirk barely powered yet still reflecting in his observation as you aim for the mask. Your own, in contradictory spite, slows as your mind races, brushing the hand enough to feel the inexplicitly soft and leathery texture, knocking it clean off the face of the man you’d targeted. Maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe it's the anticipation of the end, but you don’t feel anything near what you thought you’d feel when his living hand grazes your outstretched arm. If anything, it feels like an angry wasp had come at your elbow in some sort of misguided revenge attempt. Bearable.

Fucking livable.

You skid to a shaky stop feet behind them, your glare going to the small hole in your costume’s arm where he’d made the briefest of contact. The skin had only begun to crack and decay from a central point; nothing near the scale and intensity you’d been warned about by your superiors and peers. What the fuck gives?

A desperate rage threatens to erupt at the lack of damage. You feel cheated. Your eyes shift from the minimal damage to the apprehensive yet notably curious eyes of your chosen euthanasist. Was he just not taking you seriously? You didn’t blame him, but…

“I thought the League was the best of the best?” The sting in your arm is mockingly there and you scoff, barely hiding your indignation at his unfulfillment of the role you’d forced upon him. You take it and use it to fuel the crumbling foundation of your resolve, ashing it to the ground yourself and focus on the slightly slumped figure topped with white-blue hair.

His eyes are now magnetized and piercing, never wavering from your own, adding to your rage and confusion. Just what is he getting at, looking straight at you in the fucked up state you’re in and just–just fucking seeing–?! You aren’t looking for pity, fuck all if it's from the person you’ve deemed would have the balls you didn’t to end this shitty nightmare you live in. With a primal, anguished and utterly guttural scream you dash forward once more towards Shigaraki Tomura, hand erupting in a more accurate show of your true power.

Once again, he simply guides your attack away from him into empty space, this time with a deft shove of his index finger. Silent and calculating. You stumble on your feet as you land, ignoring the insulting sting, and turn to face them at a pace you know isn’t up to Hero standards but unable to even fake it anymore. Your eyes, though.

They fucking call to him.

How could he dust you? A Pro-Hero, coming at him alone, a deadly ally at his side, with what he knew from his research to be nowhere near their quirk’s power and potential?

Nevermind the look in your eyes he’d recognized immediately—this Hero was asking to be killed. Cracked lips twitch to grin at the situation. His mind works at full throttle to balance the possibilities.

“Heh…” The small breath leaves him, a smirk winning out and pulling at already taught skin, “You’re looking to die, aren’t you, Hero?”

Your brows furrow in… Fuck, you can’t identify your feelings at this point–they shouldn’t matter–they’d become obsolete the moment you took a swing at the supposedly impulsive and irrational Villain in charge. All you can feel is the overwhelming sense of weight, of pressure, of absolute and total CHAOS destroying any semblance of unity you’d pulled together to end this.

“What the fuck does that matter to you, Villain?!” Your glare is full of a rawness you can’t recognize, let alone mask, “Fucking fight me or die!”

His smirk, now fully on display, stretches to the smuggest of smiles as he takes his experimental first steps forward, casually retrieving the hit hand and placing it safely in his trench coat pocket. You weren’t immediately attacking him—hell, you weren’t even defending yourself! You’d only be more obvious if you’d delivered yourself to his doorstep tied in a bright, blood-red ribbon labeled “do what you want, I don’t care anymore!” It made his blood simmer, his skin itch in excitement at all the optional routes opened up before him.

Quickly, too quickly to deploy your defense {even if you wanted to}, he’s in your face and encircling your neck in a four fingered grasp. Your eyes vaguely mark Dabi looking on with a detached interest, and you can’t help but mirror his lack of understanding—your emotions and thoughts unfortunately too far past controllable to be hidden behind the usual Heroics.

“You could still serve a purpose, you know.”

Narrowed (e/c) eyes meet piercing, analytical rubies set to freeze and crumble enemies. You have no answer to that, none at all—if you hadn’t come across another anything while you’d been searching in earnest, how could it be tossed into your lap from the hands of a Villain? Your clear disbelief doesn’t deter him in the slightest. It only gives him the subtle signals he needs to ensure a dedicated new member of his team. This situation could only go well for him and the League, if he plays it right, and he’s thankful Dabi knows when to shut the hell up and take the back seat when he truly should.

He’s never seen Shigaraki’s version of recruitment before. After Dabi's climate destroying display, he could use a lesson.

On the edge though this Hero is, the line is thin and the touch needed is delicate and calculated.

“You can make a real difference in this rotten world,” Shigaraki slowly lowers his defensive arm and loosens his grip on your neck, conveying his intentions to calm you. He notices this strikes an especially sore nerve that you’re too unhinged to recognize. You’re taken over by your emotions, unable to distinguish that you’ve offered your weaknesses to your enemy on a silver platter. Disgusted rage he’s now certain is self-focused meets him, only bringing him a step closer to your frozen and highly panicked figure. His free fingers fidgets on the clammy skin of your neck, tapping a pattern across your throbbing pulse, expectant and soft while the other stays loosely, carefully, against your clavicle.

It's constant.

It's… calming?

No, it's fucking overwhelming and uncomfortable and— As if your body’s acting on the last vestiges of your studies, you struggle in his grasp and pull your dominate arm back, channeling all your sadness and panic you’d been unable to expel into the attack you hoped would just fucking end this fucking end this it’s done—

Another four fingered grip captures your wrist, directing your power away from anything important and only ruffling Dabi’s clothes as he watches on. You choke on a cry, near your mask’s end with Shigaraki’s unexpected patience. You’d been told this was nothing more than a spoiled, raging, calloused young man entirely unable to connect with any feelings other than his own selfish need to destroy all Heroes he came in contact with. The only conclusion your racing mind can come to is that he doesn’t even view you as a Hero worth destroying. Thick and torrid tears rush from your eyes, betraying your need to be recognized and being denied that luxury in your final moments.

“I can’t even get what I need from you fuckfaces—!” Your cry rings out, eyes shutting tightly, shaking with the force of your emotions finally finding the breaking point they need to crash through into the real world, “What the fuck can I do to make a fucking difference?!”

Shigaraki pauses to assess your sobbing. You’ve all but folded into yourself; you would’ve disintegrated against his hold on your neck if he hadn’t been paying attention. No… he sees you. He sees you. His fingered grip on your neck slides up to force your head to follow, meeting his sure gaze. You’re lost. You’re anxiously grasping at anything you can to stop the burning, itching need to destroy your own mind… And he gets that. He knows what it took to hook him tightly into his own mindset. He knows of seeing a seemingly impossible goal set before him, of feeling unworthy and needing to prove himself to his peers and himself. If anyone could reshape you... it would be him. If anyone were to reshape you... it should be him.

“It isn’t fair, is it…?” He starts slowly, voice dripping with cooing understanding, gauging your expressions and body, “You work so hard to be what others want you to be… And never feel enough, even when you put your all into it.” Your whole being shudders at his words, breaking down and melting into the pressure of your expectations for yourself. You choke on another messy sob, tears blinding you, snot nearly reaching your lips, a trail of drool unknowingly slipping from the corner of your grimacing lips.

“We’d never expect more than you can give, you know,” He all but whispers into your ear, his words echoing with staying power. You miss the tiniest bit of excitement he lets slip into his tone at the thought of corrupting a fairly strong Hero to his cause with mere psychological one-upmanship. The power over your entire existence is an intoxicating prize and he’s not about to let go of it if he can help it.

A sad cross between a whimper and a cry escapes you as you crumble even more into a hold you’d only come to for annihilation. Why wasn’t he killing you? Why weren’t you dead? You’d wanted to die, needed to just stop everything and just—just STOP, finally, just stop. He was a hardened criminal with no need for heroes, what the hell kind of use did he see in you? You still the tiniest bit. You just need a use, a tangible use, is that what you’ve been missing? A clear direction set before you by an overwhelmingly liberating, intelligent, capable force… Could he see it through all the absolute shit you covered yourself in?

A tentative spark lights the furthest parts of you as you finally meet his confident and knowing gaze. Fuck if you don’t feel seen for the first time in your life, finally seen and accepted for the absolute mess you see yourself as. The conflicting, philosophical doubts you’ve had about Heroism, and your own heroics in the existential race you call a life, find a peaceful place in Shigaraki Tomura’s vision.

It's an alien calm, a powerful sedative on your mind, leading you to melt into his look—telling him all he needed to know and more. The grin he sports widens and his eyes shift to give a silent command to Dabi, still (surprisingly) observing quietly, before changing your life indefinitely, “Follow me, little hero. You'll never be lost again.”

A deep, swirling purple warp gate you’d only seen in footage appears at the entrance to the alleyway.

The loose grip on your neck finally leaves completely, giving you ample room to escape up and out across the rooftops. You’re frozen in your battling thoughts at the suddenly very real decision in front of you.

You knew you weren’t good enough to be a Hero. You’d been struggling with the core beliefs on what the word even meant, if the world you’d been taught was even so black and white. Did you even want to die or did you just need someone to come and give you a purpose, some great refocusing direction? Someone to swoop in, recognize and acknowledge your pain before wiping it away and giving you something definite to live for? You knew you couldn’t make it as a Hero. You were nothing in that world. But maybe you could make that nothing existence, doomed to the weaker, better…?

Eyes nearly blinded before blinking down more streams of tears, you sniffle and take a tentative step towards the man looming tall over you, an umbrella shielding you from a brightness you couldn’t stand to be seen in. You harshly wipe your falling tears to watch Dabi walk swiftly into the portal, an unlit cigarette of some sort dangling from his patterned lips. Shigaraki steps to it much slower. He stops before he reaches it, twisting subtly to look at you from over his shoulder. He shouldn’t have to say anything more for you to follow, if his assumptions are correct—

They are.

Your first steps are slow but pick up speed quickly, feet nearly throwing you into his right side, at the mouth of the portal to a place described by your thoughts as no return. His eyes widen in delight, a manic grin following as he places the fingers of his left hand onto your head in a semblance of comfort. More than he ever got. His right arm wraps confidently around your waist, absurdly consoling to your rapidly evolving morals and needs.

It allows you to let it all go, though. It tells you someone more capable, more prepared is there. That he sees you and is keeping you alive because you’re useful to him. You can’t seem to care why when the overwhelming realization that such a powerful man saw you as you were, truly were, and still found a profound use for you in a world you were dying in takes a strong hold. You’re practically weightless as he guides you into the inky blackness of his caretaker’s portal, mind clicking into place and recognizing the distinct choice you’re making with a calm acceptance of this development in your life.

You were a useless hero. Perhaps this is your chance to prove you could make a difference to someone as a villain.

---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----

a/n: thanks so much for reading!! :) hope you enjoyed~ happy birthday, Shigster! maann I wish he'd take me away ;w; drop of a hat, I'm gone lol. the ultimate escapism... yandere!Shigaraki! xD annyway, I hope you have a wonderful day~ <3

#shigaraki tomura x femaie!reader #shigaraki x reader #tw sucidal ideation #tw depression #tw manipulation

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word-ghost · 3 years

Text

so a while back I wrote a depressing lil prologue about my farmer, Peach. Now, thanks to all the awesome people at the grapefruit sky server on discord, I have a depressing lil prologue for Harvey too 😌

late spring, year negative five

Harvey slumped forward over the planner on his desk. The next seven days stared back at him, empty other than their number in the upper right corner. The month was near the end of its climb. Soon it would tumble into the next, and it would be a year since Harvey had left his life behind.

He straightened to match the wooden back of his chair, pushing away from the desk and glancing at the drawer to the bottom right. He reached down to pull it open. The drawer shuddered on its wooden slide, the left edge scraping against its ill-fitting frame. It was still there.

When Harvey first arrived to assume the life of his aged predecessor, Pierre had gifted him a bottle of scotch to celebrate their going into business together. What he’d meant was that Harvey would be writing a rent check in Pierre’s name every month for— forever. Harvey weighed the word against his experiences over the past months.

One of his more regular patients despised him. He was lucky if half of the rest showed up on time for their appointments; if they bothered to come at all. A quarter of those who kept their appointments didn’t take him seriously.

Harvey’s hand dipped into the drawer and carefully lifted the amber-filled glass. He didn’t know much about whisky, but after a brief examination of the label, he knew this bottle was nothing special. He removed the stopper and sniffed it like he might a wine cork. A smoky-sweet scent followed the sharp sting of alcohol. Harvey checked that the closest coffee cup on the desk was empty before he poured himself what he thought to be the standard amount.

Harvey was thankful no one was around to see him flinch at the taste. His college friends had always teased him, the one who brought his own bottle of wine to parties rather than go for the keg or the cooler of punch. They had fallen out of touch after he moved, but it was his failure as much as theirs.

With the smooth burn of courage still sliding down his throat he picked up the phone. He dialed the first number to come to mind. He waited for five rings before he heard his friend’s voice, and then it was only a recorded name.

“‘Benny Lawrence’ is not available. At the tone, please record your message—”

Harvey used a finger to depress the switch, and when he lifted it the dial tone blared in his ear once again. He dialed, wedging the phone to his ear with his shoulder. He swallowed another mouthful before the third ring.

“I can’t believe I’m talking to you right now. How the hell have you been, man?” Dan’s voice was a near shout over a backdrop of car horns and fragmented voices.

“When was the last time we talked?” Harvey chuckled, mild excitement beginning to bubble over.

“Damn, I don’t know. About a year?”

“Ah. Things aren’t much different than then. But I’m not complaining.” He wasn’t sure why he’d added the last bit. Maybe even now the things he liked about Pelican Town still outweighed the things he didn’t. As if seeking confirmation, he asked, “How about you? Still enjoying city life?”

“I have more time to enjoy it these days.”

“What do you mean?”

“Better gig, better hours. I’m in pediatrics now at— oh, damn. Harv, I gotta run if I’m gonna catch my train. Talk soon, okay?”

“Oh— yeah. Soon.” Harvey tried not to sound disappointed. The momentary joy he felt hearing his friend’s voice drained away. He hung up the phone and downed his drink, its burn suffusing in his chest as he poured another.

He picked up the handset once again, fingers putting in the numbers without asking permission. On the second ring, he thought better of his actions. But before Harvey could hang up, she answered.

Hearing her voice after all these months was like rediscovering a song to which he’d forgotten the words. Whatever version of it he’d stored away in his memory paled in comparison.

“Hello?” She repeated.

“H- hi, Violet.” Harvey swallowed. “It’s— it’s been a while.”

“Harvey?” She gasped. “Why are you calling me?

“We haven’t talked since—” he faltered; the absurdity of what he was doing finally struck him. “I guess I just wanted to see how you’re doing—”

“I’m—” she started, but a voice interrupted; muffled, but familiar.

“Who is it, Vi?”

A hand shuffled over the microphone, not entirely cutting out their conversation on the other end. Harvey closed his eyes, making out some words over his pulse pounding in his ears.

“What does he want?”

“I don’t know—”

“Hang up.”

“He sounds—” There was more shuffling, and the voices were stifled.

“Harvey?” Violet said a moment later.

“I’m still here,” he said, though he wasn’t sure why.

“Is— is everything alright?”

“You’re still seeing John?”

“Yes.” She paused. He could practically hear her prickle over the wire from some hundred miles away. “We— we got married.”

“Congratulations,” Harvey said after a moment of shock, unable to control the bitter edge to his voice. He leaned his elbows on the desk and scraped his free hand through his hair.

“I thought you would have heard by now.”

“How could I have? I was— I’ve been—”

“I know.” Her honeyed voice dripped with guilt. “I’m— I didn’t want you to find out like this.”

“From you?” The whisky's warmth set his latent anger ablaze. He hadn’t meant to raise his voice. “That’s what you meant, isn’t it?”

“Don’t call here again.”

With a quiet click, the line went dead. The phone’s bell let out a fearful chirp as Harvey slammed the handset on its cradle. He gripped a handful of his hair, a knot forming in his throat. It shouldn’t have come as such a shock. But his head pounded and his stomach churned.

There was no reason Violet ever should have set her amber eyes on Harvey. He didn’t have the best grades, and he was never the most attractive person in the room. But she’d approached him at a college party, tapped her plastic cup of wine to his, and introduced herself.

From that moment their lives began to slowly merge. Her friends liked him well enough, and his buddies loved her. Their life goals were aligned. Their families got along— every splintered side of them. The years wore on, and the only problem in their relationship was him. Harvey’s eighty-hour workweeks wore him ragged. The patients he couldn’t help weighed on his conscience. And the stress of trying to achieve the dreams they had for their future caught up with him and broke him down.

Harvey couldn’t complete his internship, and Violet couldn’t accept it. Even after he sought help, and worked to improve his mental state, she wouldn’t understand why his plans had to change. Harvey believed they loved each other enough to survive anything. Violet believed she deserved to be a surgeon’s wife. Now she had everything she wanted, and she hadn’t needed him to get it.

Harvey’s thoughts swirled and clouded into a murky mess. He didn’t hear footsteps in the waiting room or the swish of the swinging door in the hall outside his office. He didn’t know anyone was there until—

“Dr. Palmer?”

Harvey whirled around. Maru stood in the doorway, eyes wide.

“Get out.” He glared at her through the tears in his eyes. His own tone gave him pause and he softened. “I’m sorry, but— please. Go.” He turned away from Maru, who hovered in the doorway, indecisive.

“What’s the matter, Harvey?” There was a softness in her voice he hadn’t heard before. Of course, he’d kept her at the same distance as anyone else.

“Please.” He leaned his elbows on his desk. His chest tightened around the breath in his lungs. “I can’t— I can’t be like this.”

What must he look like to her? No one in this town needed another reason to think him inadequate. Incapable. A small, choked sob escaped his throat and he hid his face in his hands, catching his tears before they could fall. His glasses clattered to the desk.

A gentle hand touched his shoulder, lingering there until his breaths came at a more even pace. Then, it moved to put the lid back on the bottle, and the bottle back in the drawer. It retrieved his glasses, wiped them clean, and placed them in his hands. Harvey swallowed the bitter remnants of his pride, put on his glasses, and thanked her.

“Are you okay?” Maru said, emanating patience he didn’t deserve after snapping at her.

“She— after everything.” More tears fell with the bitter laugh that left him. “Six years.”

A few versions of the story had already circled the rumor mill since he’d been around. Harvey was glad someone would finally hear his side of it. It all spilled out, and Maru listened. For a moment he felt a sliver of the warmth he had missed since he moved to the valley. The warmth he felt hearing his friend’s voice over the phone, and, as much as he hated to admit it, Violet’s too.

#creativewriting #creative writing #fan fiction #fanfiction #fanfic #stardew valley #stardew #stardew valley fanfic #stardew fanfic #stardew harvey #sdv harvey #stardew maru #sdv maru #sad harvey #angst #cw alcohol #got u these feelings

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dershloop · 3 years

Text

Title: Burning Pile

Words: 2410

Ship: Lava

Warnings: depressive episode, mentions of worthlessness. i wrote this based off od how my own depressive episodes tend to happen/come about so this might not be accurate to everyone so dont start yelling at me if its not "how depression is for you" anyone who says that will be blocked. its more of a comfort fic to get me through the last week of school.

Cole yawned, throwing his bag on the floor and rolling his shoulders, feeling them pop satisfyingly. Finally, he was home. Rubbing his eyes; cracking his neck and feeling his limbs come alive once more. He hated long car rides, they cramped his limps and make him travel sick. That’s the problem being tall and large; the back of cars wasn’t made to accommodate you. Jay kept telling him to learn to drive himself, but he didn’t have the time. Being a ninja was surprisingly hard work, with little time in between to learn to drive. He’d just have to make do.

“Oh Cole, hey dude, forgot you were coming back today,” Jay said, walking into the room, leaning against the counter, a strange look contorting his face, “How’s your dad?”

“Not too bad. Still pretty insistent on me being a good singer. Apparently, I just have to ‘dig deep. Something tells me he’s never going to back off with it,” Cole said with a laugh, Jay laughed, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes, “Are you ok man? You seem… I dunno. Off,” Jay’s face fell, his mouth scrunching nervously.

“You’re gonna be so pissed I didn’t tell you but… Kai’s not ok, he-”

“Wait what? What happened, where is he?’ Cole said frantically, his face falling in panic.

“I don’t- I don’t know dude! He’s barely been leaving his room, I don’t think he’s showered all week and I’ve barely seen him eat anything. We’ve tried to give him stuff and made him drink some water but-” Jay didn’t get a chance to finish, Cole pushed past him, dashing to his boyfriend’s room. From what he could gather, this had started a week ago. When he’d left. He hadn’t had a depressive episode in months now; had him leaving been the catalyst for all this? He was sure he’d been careful, he’d texted him every day. Even if they hadn’t called, he hadn’t asked. Besides, his dad didn’t know about them yet, he didn’t want to accidentally come out because of a phone call. Either way, if Kai had been in a bad way he hadn’t seemed like it. Apart from not asking to call, he’d seemed relatively normal. No slow replies. No giving texts. Nothing.

Cole softly knocked on Kai’s bedroom door, though it seemed pointless. No matter the response, he was going in there.

“What?” A hoarse voice called from inside the room. Kai’s hoarse voice. Cole opened the door, staring in awe at the state of the room. It was… messy to say the least. Clothes were scattered across the floor, making it so you couldn't even see the carpet. Mugs and glasses and bowls and plates littered around, just extra obstacles to the already high-staked trek to Kai’s bed.

“I’ve told you guys, leave me alone!” Kai yelled pushing himself up from his flat position on the bed, twisting his head around and staring at Cole, slightly gone out. His face fell when he realised who it was, staring at him solemnly from his position in the doorway.

“You’re back,” He murmured, twisting himself around fully so he was looking at Cole. Properly this time.

“Yeah,” Cole said softly, stepping carefully around the rubble and decay scattered all over the floor, sitting down on Kai’s bed when he finally got to it, “What… What happened?”

Kai shrugged, not looking at Cole. His hair was slicked back, matted to his skull with grease. Pimples beginning to form on his face, the lack of skincare irritating his delicate skin. Cole would be lying if he said he didn’t look gross and smell just as bad, but that didn’t put him off. Obviously, something was wrong, what kind of a boyfriend would he be if he didn’t do anything.

“I just… started feeling empty. I don’t care about anything and I have no motivation to do anything but… I didn’t want to be a burden, and I knew that if you suspected anything you’d come back so I just played it cool. Half expected one of them to tell you but… I guess they didn’t want you cutting your trip short for me either,” He muttered sadly, still not making eye contact. He couldn't. Not in this state. He was disgusting. His breath stunk like he’d just eaten something that’d been dead for a while and he probably stunk like something that’d been dead for a while too. Despite barely leaving his bed, his face was gaunt, his cheekbones beginning to further protrude, this time to an unhealthy degree and his eye sagging, purple eyebags hanging down as if weighing down his entire soul.

“Oh firefly,” Cole mumbled, opening his arms and wrapping them around Kai’s shoulders and pulling him close, feeling as Kai slowly relaxed into his body, not moving his arms.

“I’m sorry,” Kai said softly into Cole’s chest.

“For what?”

“Not telling you. Lying to you.”

“I don’t care. You have nothing to be sorry for, you weren’t in the right headspace and still aren’t. But I’m home now, so I’ll help you get out of this. Have you been taking your meds?” Cole said, still speaking in hushed tones. He wasn’t 100% sure why, but it seemed to be comforting to him, so he continued doing it.

Kai shook his head slowly, knowing he was about to get lectured.

“Ok, that’d explain a lot. Let’s start with that then,” Cole said simply, standing up and looking down at Kai.

“What?” He said, confused as Cole looked down at him expectantly.

“Come on. I’m taking you to take your medication,” Cole stated, holding out his hand, “If I bring ‘em to you, you’ll not feel any better.” Kai sighed and took his hand, letting his boyfriend’s strong form pull him out of bed. He slumped over slightly, his legs barely able to keep him standing. Letting his arm hang limply, his hand barely holding Coles, they walked out of his room and to the kitchen. He wasn’t 100% sure he was even in the room with him, his mind fuzzing in and out of focus from his surroundings. One moment, he was in the kitchen with his boyfriend. Next, he was in his head, letting his thoughts run wild. The latter was less than ideal; especially without the prescribed dosage of antidepressants in his system; but he didn’t have the energy to care.

“Ok,” Cole said, putting 2 small pills down in front of Kai along with a cup of water, “Take them.” Kai nodded, letting go of Cole’s hand and picked up the tablets, sloppily placing them in his mouth and swallowing them with the cool water. It felt heavenly, rolling down his dry throat and even drier tongue, giving them a new lease of life.

“Better?” Cole said softly, taking Kai’s hand back in his own. Kai shrugged, leaning against Cole and closing his eyes.

“Don’t bother going back to sleep on my arm, there’s more,” Cole continued, firmly but lovingly. Kai knew it was for his own good but… he just wanted to get back in bed. There was an immovable weight on his chest, dragging him down and increasing the effort to keep himself upright. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could actually stay stood up.

“Ok, have you had something to eat today?” Cole asked, taking Kai’s other hand and looking at him softly. Kai nodded, looking back, but not quite meeting Cole’s eyes. His heart twisted with every beat in his chest; his stomach turning in knots. He knew he couldn’t give in and let him go back to bed- he’d never feel better while he’s in this state- but the look in his eyes. It was so… void. So tired. So… emotionless. Yet full of emotion. Twisting and turning. Hurt, anger, sadness and an utter lack of anything positive.

“Ok. In that case, only 2 more things. We’re gonna brush your teeth and shower,” Cole said, Kai’s face falling in desperation. Evidently, he didn’t want to do either of those things; but Cole knew full well that he wouldn’t do it of his own volition.

“Please, firefly. We can watch a movie or something after that. I just… want you to feel better. I’m doing this for your own good. Plus, I’ll help you. I won’t get in the shower with you, but if you need help with anything I’ll stay in the bathroom while you’re in there. Just… how about this. Just wash your hair. Then I can put some deodorant on you and wipe your face. Are you ok with that?” Kai nodded in response, eliciting a small smile from Cole.

“Good. I’m so insanely proud of you Kai, for working with me here. I know how hard it can be when you get like this so I know how much it’s taking for you to do this right now. So, I’m insanely proud of you for actually going along with me,” Cole said sincerely, raising his free hand and resting it on Kai’s cheek. Kai leant into his hand and smiled a small, but tired, smile, raising his own hand and resting it on top of Cole’s.

Walking towards the bathroom, Kai took a reluctant breath and stepped inside, Cole following soon after. Cole turned the water on, pulling the mildly disgusting shirt off of Kai and tossing it into the laundry basket, letting him take off his boxers. Slowly stepping into the shower, Kai winced as the hot water hit his skin, cascading down his body and washing any surface-level grime away. His arms were lead; his eyelids hanging heavily over his eyes. He couldn’t do this.

“Cole,” He said weakly, not moving from under the warm water, “I want to get out.”

“Come on Kai, don’t give up now,” Cole replied softly, moving towards the shower and opening the curtain, seeing the exhausted look in his eyes, “I’ll wash your hair. How about that?” Kai nodded slowly. Cole smiled, pulling his own shirt over his head and discarding it to the side, reaching around his boyfriend and grabbing the shampoo, making sure Kai’s hair was wet enough before applying any. He slowly massaged it into his skull, looking down from his hair to Kai every so often to give him a comforting smile. Kai sighed contently, feeling the first bout of comfort; and even the first sliver of joy; in days. The feeling of Cole’s fingers on his head… knowing he was here and he was ok and alive. He was alive. Cole was here. The steady scratching and rubs keeping him grounded.

Quickly washing the shampoo out of Kai’s hair and turning off the water, Cole smiled, taking Kai’s hand again and leading him out and towards the sink. Cole grabbed his robe from the back of the door, bundling Kai up in it to assure he stayed warm. Cole laughed a little, looking down at Kai’s short, thin figure wrapped in his large robe, like a baby in a teenagers coat.

“What?”

“You just look really cute. You know like when a little kid just gets out of the shower. Their hair’s all slicked back and their bathrobe is about 10 sizes too big?” Kai blushed and crinkled his brow indignantly.

“I do not look like a child, not all of us were blessed to be 6 foot you know,” He huffed, pulling the robe around himself tighter.

“Yes, you do! You’re my cute little baby boy!” Cole said enthusiastically, noticing the smallest of sparkes light up in Kai’s eyes again as he glared indignantly at his boyfriend. With a laugh, Cole grabbed Kai’s toothbrush, putting some toothpaste on it and splattering it with water.

“Open up baby boy!” Cole said with a grin. Kai rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, allowing him to quickly brush his teeth. Grabbing a face wipe from the cupboard, he gently scrubbed the grease off of his boyfriend’s face. Then, finally, he grabbed a can of deodorant and sprayed him all over, banishing any thought of odour away from their minds (and bodies). Cole grabbed his shirt from the spot on the floor where it had landed earlier and pulled it back over his head.

“Hair drying time now,” Cole said, grabbing a clean towel from the cupboard and laying it over Kai’s wet hair, gently beginning to rub it, dragging the worst of the moisture out. Kai sighed in contentment, feeling himself shake and move as Cole dried his hair, the rough towel feeling heavenly as it dragged along his scalp, massaging any worries or unnecessary emotions away. Now all he felt was a deep feeling of peace and quiet.

“Damn, I’ll rub your head more often, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy,” Cole said with a laugh, continuing to softly rub his head with the towel, unable to contain his laughter at the small noises of contentment coming from Kai. Eventually, he took the towel back off his head and smiled down at his boyfriend, ruffling his hair affectionately.

“Now we just need to get you some clothes, then it’s dumb movie time,” Kai smiled, his lips softly curving into a smile; a real one.

“Can I wear your clothes?” he said softly, his voice still hoarse from barely speaking this last week.

“Of course firefly, it’d be rude of me not to!” Cole said lightly, taking his hand and leading him to his room, immediately grabbing his largest hoodie and sweatpants. He helped Kai put them on and stared down at him in awe.

“You. Are. So. Damn. Small!” Cole said happily, looking at his boyfriend’s small frame being taken over by his large clothing.

“No, you’re just too big,” Kai said indignantly, stuffing his hands in the pockets of the hoodie.

“You know I mean it lovingly, you just look too cute in my clothes,” Cole gleamed, his face lighting up in pure delight. Kai said nothing, just let out a small giggle, his face glowing crimson.

“Now come! My sweet little baby boy! We shall watch dumb movies made for people 10 years younger than us until you feel better!” Cole exclaimed, sweeping Kai off his feet and holding him bridal style, carrying him towards his own room where he dumped him on the bed, turning on the TV and preparing for at least a day of watching weird movies and enjoying each others company.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago kai #ninjago kai smith #ninjago cole #ninjago fanfiction #ninjago lava #lavashipping #ninjago kai/cole #kai/cole #ninjago fic #dersh’s fics

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angelanimedesaray · 3 years

Text

Through the Looking Glass Chapter 11: Winter Snow

AN: Yaaassss This is one of those chapters that has been in my head since I started writing the series. Finallyyyyyyyy we’re here.

Also consider this the point that they’re not kids anymore. They’ll be full blown adults next chapter. Still teenagers here, but they won’t be in the next chapter.

Characters: Levi, Reader, Mentions of Varioud BG Characters

Pairing: (Eventual) Levi x Reader

Warnings: Language, Mentions of Bullying, Depression, Bit of a Breakdown, Angst

Word Count: 12296.....Holy Shnikies, is that a new record for me with Tumblr fics? I think it is... O.o

<----Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

Gif Found HERE

*Levi’s POV*

When she had shown him the little booklet of information about college, he hadn’t at the time realized just how big of a part that was going to play in her life--not so soon, at least.

It was nothing that happened right away, and not something that he noticed as soon as it started to happen. For a while, everything continued as it always had. He would show up in her world and be granted a brief reprieve from his life, with her pulling him deeper and deeper into the wonders her world had to offer, showing and teaching him new things. When she turned fifteen and was able to drive a car--he finally had a name for those damn horseless carriages--she took the time to try and teach him how to drive those death machines as well. It was rocky at first, with her focusing on how this button and this position and this pedal did such and such, starting with simply getting the car going and moving it back and forth, teaching him about basic signs, driving on certain terrains and in certain weather…

It ended up being an entire process, and it took more than a few days where they saw each other to teach him how to safely drive a car--and even then, she only taught him to use an automatic. Apparently there was another kind of car that operated differently, but she said he shouldn't worry about learning to drive the other one unless she ended up getting one of those different cars.

It had been much easier learning the emergency phone number in her world, the number to call if there was ever trouble and they needed help. Three numbers and press the green phone button, it didn't get much easier than that.

Of course, he also kept learning other things. He liked to peruse the books in her house, particularly the ones about the history of her world, or the nature and what it looked like beyond what he saw with her. Sometimes that was what he did while he waited for her to finish her schoolwork. Other times, he practiced what she'd been showing him on the piano. He wasn't as good at it as she was, but he also didn't have a piano to practice on in his world--not unless he drew all the keys in the dirt and pretended he heard the sounds of the keys while he practiced the patterns and positions.

Even though he'd practice by himself while he waited for her to finish the homework beyond his understanding, he preferred when she would help him practice. He liked having her sit so close beside him, hands over or under his to show him the keys…

She also liked to take him places. Especially after she got that car. If they had the time and it wasn't too late in the day, she would drive them to another town to see a new park. Once she'd gone bowling--and they'd both sucked until he finally got the hang of it. She taught him pool after getting grumpy over Levi getting the hang of bowling and pulling ahead of her in three or four games. Pool she'd been fairly good at, as had Levi once he got used to using the pool stick instead of a knife--he had wicked aim and accuracy, which helped him significantly in that game.

She liked to bring him places to try foods from different cultures with her, or to walk through bookstores and help her choose new fantasy or sci-fi or supernatural stories to read. She’d even buy him any books that caught his eye so that he could read them when he visited, though he usually checked with her that they were non-fiction, first, so he could still learn something about the world she came from in the process.

While all this autonomy started to appear, and they were able to do and see more things, she was also...changing.

She was always so eager to get out of the house when she saw him, looking relieved and happy for an excuse. When she thought he wasn't looking, she seemed tired. There were circles under her eyes, a slight slump to her shoulders, and the few times Levi drove the car instead of her, if he glanced over at her he could catch her with her eyes closed, like she was trying to rest a little in the brief silence between them. A few times, she'd fallen asleep on him, though Levi never said anything about it, even when she woke up embarrassed. The most she would get would be a soft 'Tch' before he went back to whatever he'd been doing to entertain himself while she rested. Considering how eagerly she always threw herself into their time together, she had to be exhausted if she was falling asleep during it.

And he didn't mind it at all when she fell asleep on him. For those few minutes, it felt like he got to be the one to take care of her for once, something he didn't get to do nearly as much as he would like to. She took care of him so much and in so many ways, he doubted he'd ever be able to catch up and return the favor to its fullest extent. Plus, he soon found out why she always seemed so exhausted. It turned out she was stressed and spread thin.

It was something he had to piece together slowly from things she said or papers he found. She was always so focused on making the most out of his visits, that she never said a word about how tired she was, or the things that were stressing her out. She wanted him to take his mind off his life, to not worry, so she tried not to mention anything that would make him worry about her.

But he paid attention when she talked to him. She was going to school five days of the week, yes, but she was also working two jobs, as well as some babysitting on the side when the opportunity presented itself. Her mother had apparently remarried, and was expecting another child soon, so she was trying to help more around the house with things her mother couldn't do due to her pregnancy. She was putting in all the work required to stay at the top of her class, namely the very top, which would be called a valedictorian. She was also keeping up with her interests, helping her mother with an out of home bakery business, keeping up with her piano practice, and she did something called skating that she felt gave her some exercise but also relaxed her. She was also in one or two school activities that took her time, and once they reached a certain age, college came back into play, and she started applying to be let in and to be awarded money to go while keeping up with everything else. He didn't know how she managed to find the energy to drag him all over creation and keep him discovering new things.

Every now and then she let slip that she wanted to leave the town she felt trapped in, and the people in it, and he could see the desperation in her eyes to do just that. The stressors he could understand her wanting to leave, but the people...it took a few more hints for him to figure that part out.

Less of a hint. He had to get her at the right moment, when she finally opened up to him about the part that worried her the most.

He'd appeared in one of his favorite ways--quietly, when he'd simply been walking down the street--and had suddenly been the private audience to the soft piano music being played in the darkened living room.

The happiness he felt to be here again, and to be hearing her music as well, was muffled when he noted the overall tone in the room.

The music was sad, melancholy, depressing, and there wasn't any light in the room to illuminate her or the piano, the curtains on the windows pulled closed, the lights kept off. He approached from behind quietly, a small frown on his face as he came up to inquire what was wrong.

Along the way, his foot crunched a paper, the sound unheard by Y/N because she was focused on the piano and what she was playing, not the rest of the room. He picked it up to look at it closer, realizing it was part of a stack of papers that looked like those applications she'd been filling out so many of recently.

It wasn't one of the applications, but rather a note--a letter--attached to the top and addressed to her parents. It was from one of her teachers, and it went on to talk about how the school she wanted to go to had a very low acceptance rate, was very far away and wouldn't have certain financial aid available for her, and how it was a very expensive school. How she 'shouldn't plan on going to the one school alone, because it was unlikely for her to get in, and even less likely for her to pay for it' and needed to apply for more scholarships and to other schools, yet she refused to apply to more than two schools, and refused to apply for some of the scholarships.

Probably not the only thing bothering her that had her playing in the dark, but it was a good hint.

After putting the paper back into the stack, he stepped a little closer, finally making his presence known by commenting on the mood in the air she'd created.

"So doom and gloom--I'm supposed to be the depressing one," Levi quipped in a flat tone and she whipped around in surprise, banging her knee on the piano in the process and turning back around to clutch at her knee and hiss.

The pain, however, was an excuse to try and hide what he'd already seen. Tears, freshly falling down her cheeks, and not from hitting her knees.

Levi’s usual closed off demeanor shifted, and he quickly came over to sit beside her on the bench. She turned her head away from him to hide the tears as she tried to--unsuccessfully--wipe them away without him noticing.

The problem was that as soon as he was sitting beside her, he realized he didn't know what to say--either to get her to talk about it or to comfort her. He simply sat there awkwardly in silence with her facing off to the side and him facing the piano, both of them unable to talk for some reason.

Hesitantly, unsure if it was the right move but knowing at least it would be something, Levi let his fingers find their way to the right place on the piano, and started to play one of the newer and more difficult pieces she’d taught him recently. It was melancholy--most of the ones she taught him had a bittersweet edge to it, or at least a part of the song that felt that way--but it felt fitting for the moment, and he thought perhaps the song would prompt her to do something in return. Maybe she’d play with him. Maybe she’d start to talk. That was up to her.

Levi quietly played out the song, focused on hitting the right chords, making sure his arm brushed against hers every now and then in the process when he reached for keys closer to where she was sitting as a way of having some contact with her. She was silent at first, just listening to him play the song before, about halfway through, she finally reached out with one of her hands to play half the song. Levi felt a little relief to be getting a response from her, and he let his hand slide over hers as she played half the song for him, feeling her fingers moving below his, able to feel the slight shake in them even though she seemed to be playing the notes steadily.

They continued like that for a while, before Levi started to worry that she might try to use the piano as a distraction rather than an opening to start talking. As they neared the end of the song, he finally spoke up, cutting right to the heart of the matter.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, fingers still moving over the keys. She shook her head, keeping her face turned away from him so he couldn’t see her expression.

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“It really is. It’s stupid, and it doesn’t matter in the long run, anyway.”

“If that was true, you wouldn’t have been crying.”

She sighed, hitting one of the notes with more force than necessary and letting her hand drop away from the piano just short of the end of the song. Levi stopped playing as well, sitting quietly on the bench and gazing patiently at her back as he waited for her to start speaking.

“It’s just...everything going on, you know? I mean, I took it all on myself, I really shouldn’t complain, and I wouldn’t, but it gets so much...harder when...Gah...I hate people…”

Her voice shook, and she sniffled rather loudly, rubbing her left eye with her palm. Suddenly, Levi realized that besides the one time he’d helped her find her home when she’d run away...he didn’t think he’d seen her cry so openly around him. He reached out to gently touch her shoulder, and a shudder seemed to go through her at the contact, and she turned on the piano bench so that she could face him, burying her face in his chest as a small, hiccupped sob escaping her as she curled up against him. He was taken aback for a moment, but after feeling his heart ache and feeling how she was clutching at the fabric of his shirt, he gently draped an arm around her shoulders, letting his other hand gently touch her shoulder in a loose hug.

“Are people picking on you again?” Levi asked, digging for information to try and figure out what was wrong so he could figure out how to properly help her. She gave a bitter laugh at his question, a sound that seemed strange coming from her.

“I think I’d prefer getting beaten up like back then to this bullshit,” she said bitterly, and Levi’s eyebrows raised. He was pretty sure that was the first time he’d heard her swear, too. “No, I...I’ve always kinda been an outcast, at school...which I guess I got used to it...somewhat...but it’s gotten really hard this year. I’ve been working my ass of, and...and it just gets that much harder when you’re constantly hearing people call you lazy, and then you come home to hear the exact same thing as if you’re not spending every hour trying so hard...and then every time you accomplish something, everyone’s back there talking about how it's not going to matter anyway.”

She adopted a voice clearly meant to mimic everyone else, a bitter and cutting edge to her tone even with how her voice was muffled in his chest. “Like you’re actually going to get accepted by any colleges or scholarships, you never get anything in on time, you’re always being told to get things in or they’ll be late, always turning it in last minute, you’re so lazy you never get anything done or doing what you’re supposed to be doing, like you’ll have enough scholarships or meet the deadlines for the places you want to go. Oh, you got accepted by that college? Well it’s not like you’ll ever be able to actually pay for it. Oh, well if you do go to this college you want, you’ll just crash and burn anyway--you’re so straight laced I bet you’re that kid that goes crazy with freedom in college and drops out. You’ve never had a boyfriend or had that many friends, you’re totally going to be that crazy cat lady with forty cats and no friends. You can’t afford to go out for an hour, you have to stay home and get all these applications done, plus your homework, and don’t forget stuff for bible study every morning, and your practices, and yearbook, and everything else under the damn sun you’re not allowed to mess up in cause you have to be the perfect child that’s the first to go to college, you have to get the perfect cushy, high paying job, perfect grades, perfect activities, don’t get snippy with me if you’re feeling stressed it’s all your fault because you’re being lazy and not doing the work like you’re supposed to, you keep screwing around. You’re tired? Same thing applies--you don’t know tired, you’re just lazy and you can’t manage your time. If you’re feeling so stretched thin, then you should just drop something. But not this, or that, I don’t care if you don’t think this helps, don’t drop it either. Oh, you’re not actually allowed to drop anything, just make it all work.”

Her grip tightened on him as she spoke, and he wasn’t sure if the trembling in her body was from sobs or rage with how bitter her voice seemed to sound despite the wobble from tears or the occasional hiccup of a sob. He didn’t interrupt with any of his thoughts, he simply let her rant and rave to him, let her vent, because clearly she needed to.

“I know it shouldn’t matter. I shouldn’t care about what they have to say. It's the same people who make sure anything I like is uncool schoolwide as soon as they know I like it, who thought it would be so...fucking funny to make me go to homecoming with the kid who treated me like a disease and wouldn’t even touch my arm the whole time, the same kid who told me to go kill myself in class and people just fucking laughed and the teacher didn’t even blink even though she was sitting right there. I shouldn’t give a damn about what they have to say, but after so long of hearing it, no matter how thick of a skin I think I’ve built up it still...it still gets to me, and I’m just...I’m just so tired…”

She sagged against him, like some of the fight left her after she finished speaking, curling up in his arms like a baby rabbit seeking shelter, like there was a fox right outside the burrow waiting to devour it and it knew it couldn’t run from it. Levi had stiffened at the mention of the kid who’d told her to kill herself, his expression darkening as he got a better perspective of what her life was like at school, something he now realized he’d never heard about the social side of, only ever her schoolwork and the subjects she studied. Never the people.

Now he knew why. He just wished she would have said something sooner. Did she really think that just because she wasn’t getting beat up that it wasn’t still a real problem? If it was getting this bad…

She stayed slumped in his arms for several long moments, Levi gently rubbing her back to try and soothe her as he waited for her to regain her composure, feeling like she still had more to say and not wanting to interrupt her while he quietly absorbed information. Then, abruptly, she sucked in a long breath and pulled away, arm rubbing angrily at her eyes with a fierce frown on her face.

“It’s still nothing, though,” she said as she got to her feet to start an aggravated pace, and Levi was just about to argue that yes, it was, after that long rant that had driven her to cursing and tears, but she was still talking, and she had a determined venom in her voice as she spoke. “It’s nothing, because I’m not going to let it turn into something. I don’t care if its spite driving me right now, but I swear I’m going to prove every last one of them wrong and--and--and break out of the fucking cage everyone keeps trying to put me in. Even my mom. I love her, but she’s just as bad, always demanding I be so fucking perfect and do what she wants instead of what I want. But even she’s trying to pin me down, she keeps pushing for me to go to these colleges nearby, or to stay in the area, or to settle for something else even though what I want to do...yeah, its difficult, it's a high bar, and it’s going to take me really far away, but it’s my life, it’s my choice. And I’m going to prove every last fucking one of them wrong and get the hell out of here and make something of myself.”

She finished with a huff, having worked herself up in her rant, turning to look at him with slightly flushed cheeks, looking expectantly at him for some kind of reply now that she was finished and he’d been silent for so long. It wasn’t like he had the words to say, though--he wasn’t good at words, and she’d just dumped a lot of information on him.

“All those bad words. I think I’m a shitty influence on you.”

She was taken aback for a moment, staring at him for a second before she snorted in surprise, the tension slowly draining from her shoulders and the faintest smile coming across her face. She approached the bench once more, sitting beside him with the blush coloring her cheeks and her hands locked tightly together.

“You’re the only real friend I’ve had, no matter where I’ve gone. You’ve always been here for me. I don’t think I tell you enough that I’m really thankful to have you. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t.”

Her words were softly spoken, and she stayed close to him the entire time, even if her embarrassment didn’t allow her to look him in the eyes. And to hear her say it aloud to him...it settled doubts he might have had that he wouldn’t have voiced otherwise, helped put some of the restlessness inside him at ease.

Levi looked at the piano in front of him, grasping the handles for the key lid and lowering it over the piano keys. “You’ll make it,” he said with affirmed certainty. “You’re tougher than you think. You’ve made it this far, haven’t you? What’s a little further?”

He looked over at her to catch her smiling warmly at him, a twinkle in her eyes, and he felt his heart soften in the face of that expression. Once the key lid was in place, he gently touched her shoulder to give her a playful shove like she tended to do for him.

“You need a break. I’m here. What should we do?”

She heaved a sigh, looking away for a moment and chewing on her lip as she considered what was possibly an endless list of possibilities. “It’s gonna start getting colder soon...so it should be something we won’t be able to do once winter settles in...I think it’ll be clear skies tonight…” She turned to face him, that sparkle in her eyes again and a smile on her face. “I know what we’re going to do. Come on, we’ve got a bit of a drive to make first,” she said excitedly, getting up off the bench and heading to the front door, where she picked up what Levi knew to be her car keys.

Levi got up to follow her, wondering to himself where they were going now, and how far of a drive it would be. What in-town activity would they be carrying out today?

They got into her car, Levi looking up to see the night sky as he opened the passenger side door and got inside, Y/N already starting up the car before he even shut the door and driving the car out of town and into open country. They drove in silence for several minutes, Levi sneaking peaks at Y/N the entire time, mulling over the stress she was under and her confession in the other room.

He would have beat the shit out of a few people by now if he was there, but he never showed up when she was in school, always after. He was never around when she needed him around, which meant that it was something she had to deal with on her own.

It was like he’d said, though. She was stronger than she thought. He’d seen the determination and the fire in her eyes before. She would make it through. And she would reach her goals. Even if she had to get herself through on spite right now.

He still wanted to get his hands on that one individual in particular…but she hadn’t even given him a name.

Y/N suddenly took a turn onto a dirt road that went so far into a wheat field, turning off her lights--which immediately caught Levi’s attention--before she brought the car to a stop and shut all the lights off, reaching into the back to grab a blanket before she opened the door.

“We’re actually not supposed to be here--it’s private property--but we should be fine so long as we’re gone before dawn,” she said with a spark of rebellion in her eyes.

Good. It sounded like she needed to break some rules and get outside some of the restrictions around her for a while.

Getting out of the car, Levi spoke up in a low voice, looking around at the field around him and noting that the hay didn’t reach high enough to cover the car. There was a corn field behind them that would have been high enough to cover the car, but for some reason they’d parked here. “What are we doing out here?”

Y/N got on the hood of her car carefully, scooting back until she could lean back to lie on the windshield with her legs stretched out in front of her. She gestured for him to come up onto the hood instead of responding, waiting until he’d crawled up with a sigh before she threw the blanket over both of them.

As soon as he leaned back, he understood why they were here. Leaning back on the hood of her car, he had a clear, unobstructed view of the night sky. Where the corn would have reached high enough it could have obstructed the view somewhat, the wheat was low enough it didn’t creep into his line of sight for the sky. It was just pure...open sky. And out here, where there were no lights from town, just nature, the stars shone brilliantly in stunning detail, the only light that could have ‘affected’ the view being the moonlight itself. But it was still a dazzling display above him, and all around there was the soft rustle of wind through the wheat fields, crickets, the occasional howl from coyotes in the distance--just nature, fresh air, the sky laid out endlessly in front of them…

Y/N shifted onto her side, curling up next to him with a comfortable sigh. “I know you live underground so...I figured it’s about time we went stargazing. I’m surprised we haven’t yet.”

Levi turned his head enough to look at her, noting that she was looking at him far more than the stars, probably gauging his reaction. For her, this was something she saw quite frequently, so maybe his reaction to it was more interesting to her. Still, knowing she’d chosen this because she knew about where he lived, how it wasn’t an everyday sight for him, how this was a sight that was denied to him…

Much like earlier, he put his arm around her instead of choosing to respond with words, pulling her a little closer to him as a way to show her his gratitude, that this did, in fact, mean something to him, and he appreciated her gesture. She seemed to understand, that blush returning to her cheeks as she buried her face in his chest and pulled the blanket tighter around them as if that could hide her reaction and make it seem like she was just getting warm.

Knowing she drove them out here so they could see the stars, that her idea of an escape was to show him something that he rarely got to have and to sit in silence with him for however long they wanted to…

He cared about her. Deeply. That had never been in question. From the moment she’d built that safe place for him--an image called to mind as he looked up at the stars unobstructed much like he had once looked up at them from the nest she’d created for him through the window of the tiny wooden playhouse--he had a soft spot in his heart for her. And over the years, she just burrowed deeper and deeper, that flickering flame growing stronger, the warmth getting more intense. She made him happy--made him feel like he belonged, even if he flickered in and out of the world. Even though he didn’t get to stay, he was still so grateful to have a chance to be part of her life, to know her, to spend time with her. She was a safe place for him, a place where he didn’t have to keep his guard up, where he could relax and just...be. All these things he felt for her, and one thing that had held him back recently had been a concern that she might not feel the same way.

Now, lying side by side and looking up at the stars, knowing she’d done it for him and that this moment between them was what she considered an escape from her problems, that he might be as much of her escape as she was his...it gave him the sense that maybe, just maybe, she might care for him, too.

He didn’t say anything, though, not yet. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy this as long as it lasted, with her in his arms lying next to him--eventually falling asleep, which he didn’t disrupt considering he now knew how much she needed it--gazing up at the stars in relative silence.

Sometime after she fell asleep, Levi looked down at her, the arm that had been wrapped around her all this time moving just slightly so his hand could reach into her hair, giving it a few soft, gentle strokes.

“Stay with me...I don’t want this to end…” he murmured softly for only him to hear, the stars and moon his only witness as he breathed her in for a moment before lying back down to gaze up at the sky, for once grateful to his insomnia to allow him to stay awake and simply bask in the simplistic beauty of the moment.

*Reader’s POV*

At long last, Levi finally blipped into your world during winter, when there was snow on the ground. You had been waiting years to be able to show him snow for the first time, to get to see his first experience with snow, share it with him…

As soon as you saw him appear in your room, you immediately dropped the pen you were using to write neatly on your scholarship applications and leapt to your feet, grinning widely at him and not even giving him a chance to orient himself in your world before you had your arm hooked around his and you were leading him down the stairs to the front door, where you started throwing winter clothes at him.

"Oh my God you're actually here, your timing is perfect cause right now--well, just put it all on, I don't want to spoil the surprise!" You squealed excitedly, yanking on a hat, gloves, a coat, simply draping the scarf loosely over your neck without wrapping it. You tried to jump in and help Levi get dressed as well so he would move faster, but that only made him grumpy.

"I've got it--I can dress myself, I don't need you to do it for me," he grumbled, shrugging on the flannel coat you'd grabbed for him. It was actually one of your stepfather's many coats, and it utterly dwarfed Levi...considering your stepfather was in the six foot range in height, and Levi…

Well, at least he would be well covered and warm.

Once Levi was well bundled and looking at you with a mixture of impatience and expectancy, you happily flung open the door, about to bound outside before you reminded yourself it was slick outside and you needed to watch your step. You checked yourself, stepping around the icy spots outside your door and hanging back to shut the door so Levi could just focus on the experience.

It was snowing outside. Not only that, but it had been snowing for the past few days, and there was a white blanket over the world at least a foot deep, with icicles hanging from the roof edge and ice patches hidden under the snow making the pathways treacherous.

Levi paused on the porch once he could see what the outside world looked like, with you sliding discreetly behind him to shut the door before too much heat got out of the house, quietly creeping around to his other side to watch him as he walked with slightly widened eyes to the edge of the covered porch, looking at the icicles and reaching out to touch one gingerly, head peeking out from the cover of the porch to look up at the white flurries falling from the sky. His breath fogged in front of him, making him pull back for a second before he looked over at you, watching him excitedly on the porch.

"Snow," he said simply, and you nodded at him exuberantly. You reached out to take his hand, stepping out into the snow and noting how high up to his legs he sank into the snow as he followed behind. You didn't keep a hold of his hand, only grasping it long enough to get him to follow before letting go and allowing him to comfortably walk beside you.

"There's so many things to do and see--its cold, and I honestly hate the cold, but staying warm shouldn't be too much of a problem," you said with a glint in your eyes. You knew the perfect place for sledding, knew somewhere the snow was particularly thick that would serve well for snowmen and snow forts and snowball fights. Maybe it was little kid stuff, but Levi needed the chance to cut loose and be a kid, especially since he never had the snow experience when he was actually a little kid. You might have to spend a bit of money, but you were fine with that, too, your purse slung firmly over your shoulders. You could get a good sled at a nearby store, you could afford some coffee to warm back up and restore some energy after some time outside, and, you had some money for your thoughts on a grand finale for the night.

You'd been scheming this day ever since realizing Levi hadn't seen snow yet, and you were praying he was going to be able to stay for all of it.

"Watch your step--there's ice hidden under the snow on the sidewalks because it's been so cold, so just...be mindful," you warned him, walking with arms out at your side and methodically placed footsteps for a few moments. "I always hate walking in fresh snow--everything looks so clean and pure and pretty that I feel like I'm ruining a beautiful snapshot of nature. Though, we kinda have to walk in it to get where we're going," you said with a guilty note in your voice.

"Couldn't we just take your car?" Levi asked, and you noticed his gaze was now roving over the unblemished patches of snow around you, how it really did seem like a thick and pure blanket fallen over the world.

"Well, this is the more fun, scenic route. Plus it's kinda dangerous to drive in weather like this before they've cleared the roads, especially with the ice underneath.

You could see that his cheeks and his nose were already starting to turn red, and that he'd mimicked how you had your scarf on. Not wanting him to catch a cold--especially because you knew proper medicine was more of a luxury where he lived--you reached over and wrapped the scarf around his face, causing him to pause and give you a blank stare. You coughed, hoping your blush could be passed off as a result of the cold like him.

"Besides, I want to show you this place in the forest. One of my favorite things about when it's cold and snowy like this is what it sometimes does to the plants," you said as if you hadn't just wrapped the scarf around his face, continuing forwards and trudging through the snow in the direction of the nearby park that had the forest trail.

"Why do I feel like you've got this whole thing planned out?"

"Because I do. I've been waiting for you to show up on a snow day for what feels like forever. I can think of six things I want to try and fit into this one day--six!" You shrugged, as if it was still the most casual thing in the world, attempting to adopt his usual indifferent attitude to tease him a bit. "Course, three things we can do at the park alone, so, no big deal," you said with a sniff, flashing him a mischievous smile a heartbeat later.

"And those things are…?"

"Well, we're gonna look at something. Then we're gonna build something. And then we're gonna do something."

Levi snorted. "So informative."

"What? I was more specific: looking, building, doing," you said with a pout before you pointed up at the park just ahead of you. "Besides, we're practically here."

The park itself wasn't the pristine picture the rest of the snowy fields seemed to be--there were remnants of snow sculptures and forts, a few shakily made snowmen, footprints all over the place and snow splattered along the side of equipment. The two of you trudged past that, though, and into the forest that was far less disturbed. No one wanted to be hiking in this weather, except you two crazy teenagers, apparently.

Levi’s fingers brushed against a bush, and looking back you could see that some of the branches and leaves were encapsulated in ice.

"Almost, but I'm looking for something specific," you said cryptically. There was this one tree at a fork in the forest path that you knew would look gorgeous trapped in ice like that, so you were keeping hush hush about it, leading the two of you deeper into the woods like you were the villain in a child's fairytale.

The crunch of snow and the blowing of the wind was the only sound, the icy air cutting at your lungs and making your breathing a little heavier than normal as you trudged uphill, frustrated to hear that Levi didn't seem to be struggling behind you. You didn't understand how, but he appeared to be unbothered by the physical strain, at least for now.

After several minutes of hiking where Levi admired the wintery scenery around the two of you and you navigating, you finally came to your tree.

It was a weeping willow, placed by human hands at the fork in the path for aesthetic scenery purposes. But right now, with the ice covering every branch and leaf in perfect, unclouded clarity like it had been entrapped in glass, branches swaying just slightly in the breeze…

It looked gorgeous.

"My favorite thing about winter isn't all the activities--its how the ice freezes over the trees. I think it's beautiful," you said pensively, your hand cupping beneath some of the willow strands and letting the iced over, draped branches slip through your fingers. "It's like they're frozen in time…"

Levi stood a few feet back, hands in his pockets, breath puffing steadily in front of him as he looked up at the magnificent tree that was 'frozen in time,' his gaze returning to you in time to see you disappearing behind a thick curtain of the iced over branches and leaves. While he couldn't see you, you crouched down and tried to make a snowball as fast as you could, catching a glimpse of him moving to join you under the tree, which caused you to giggle and take a step or two back, your hastily made snowball hidden behind your back.

As soon as he stepped into the shelter of the tree, you practically slapped the snowball into his neck with the close range you were at, acting before you could doubt yourself, shrieking maniacally as your dipped your hand into the snow for another one, heart pounding at what you'd just initiated.

"What the f--"

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!" you shrieked, tossing another one at him that splattered harmlessly against his side. You attempted to flee, trying to scoop up more snow as you darted out from under the willow, whipping around to see Levi already had one in his hand. You flung instinctively, the shot sailing harmlessly over his shoulder and causing you to shriek again as he tossed his at you in retaliation, the snowball hitting squarely in the center of your chest.

"You brat!"

"I got you, admit it! Take tha--shit!"

"Like this is a fight you can win!"

"I missed again? Wait, fuck, no, stop, I'm a terrible shot--ack!"

"You asked for it!"

"I've made a terrible mistake, have mercy--EEK!"

"HAH!"

"I surrender, uncle, uncle, I give, stop!"

The snowball fight had quickly turned into a snowball execution, Levi pelting you with snowballs with that ridiculous speed and wicked aim of his while your shots kept going wide and missing him while you tried in vain to run from him, ending with you laughing and shrieking, hunched over and taking a few more snowballs before Levi finally stopped. You peeked your head up warily...and he crushed one last snowball atop your head, making you do a cold shiver dance as snow slipped down inside your shirt.

"There...I think that's a lesson learned," Levi was saying smugly, watching you do the cold dance with a smirk on his face. He looked flushed though--you doubted from exertion, most likely from the cold.

"How about we do something less competitive--like make a snowman? At least one? And then we can go sledding. We can take a break after that, I know a coffee shot that should still be open."

"As long as you don't make any more sad excuses at that snowball assault," Levi teased you, and you pouted, which only made him chuckle.

He was smiling and laughing, though. And seeing snow for the first time. This day was already a win for you. Now you just needed to try and get to the end of your list of what you wanted to try with him before he went back. Who knew if the snow would still be here when he came back again?

The snowman building and the sledding didn't last as long as you might have thought they would. The snowman you two made by the willow tree was more of a monument to the fact the two of you had been there, complete with you wrapping your scarf around the snowman's 'neck' as a finishing touch, since it wasn't doing much in the way of warming you up draped loosely around your neck like that.

The sledding had been fun at first, trying desperately to guide the inflatable inner tube you'd bought at the nearest store down a steep hill before trudging all the way back up got tiring fast for you. The final straw, though, had come when you made a ramp from the snow, managed to hit it on your way down, and then promptly fell off the inner tube midair, causing you and Levi to go flying in different directions through the air with no soft landings. You were dazed after that, and Levi declared it the end of the sledding part of the day, demanding you move on to the next thing. Besides, it was getting dark, so you were running out of time to do what you wanted to.

Little did he know…

After your annihilation with the sled, you'd guided Levi towards a coffee shop while nursing an ache in your head and shoulders where you'd slammed your body against the ground, still a little dazed. You were both flushed from the cold and tired at this point, so the burst of warm air was extremely refreshing.

Levi looked around the little shop with a critical eye while you stomped snow off at the entrance mat, rubbing your hands together for added warmth. "You haven't had coffee before, have you?"

"Never heard of it."

You gasped dramatically. "You don't have coffee where you're from? Oh the humanity!" He rolled his eyes at your antics, and you walked forward towards the counter. "Well, it's a hot drink, kind of like hot chocolate or tea...but also much different. Its good for waking up or staying warm, and it can be made in all sorts of different ways. In fact, what kind of stuff do you usually drink? Besides water?"

Levi shrugged. "Tea."

"Any kind of tea in particular? Herbal, black, white, green, fruit? Do you add lemon, or sugar, or milk, or anything like that?"

Levi looked away, like something you'd said bothered him, though you couldn't pinpoint what. "Plain. I drink my tea plain. I do prefer black tea, when I can get it."

"Okay, black tea...strong, bold, dark, maybe with a bit of a nutty taste or malty...I know espresso is a different beast, but you might want something with more espresso...maybe a nut flavoring to help balance out the bitter without getting too sweet...You're not big on sweet things, right?"

Levi shook his head. "I don't get many sweet things where I live."

You nodded, chewing your lip. "Okay, so...toffee nut might be too sweet, so...either a hazelnut latte with an extra shot of espresso, or a hazelnut americano."

"What's the difference?"

"One is made with milk, the other with hot water. I mean, maybe if you were more used to coffee I'd say go with the americano, cause there's not many other flavors to block out the overpowering taste of the espresso, but the latte I feel like has more that balances it all out."

"I didn't realize picking a damn drink was such a project."

"Like you don't fuss over your tea with the leaves and water temperature and extra flavorings."

"...Tch."

"But also the americano might be closer to tea--"

"Just get me the damn latte and be done with it," he groaned, cutting you off before you could spiral further in these circles.

"Fine, fine, go find a table for us and I'll get the coffees," you said in a semi defensive voice that had the hint of a laugh at the end with how exasperated he sounded. He wandered off towards the back to a two person table by the window, taking the seat with his back against the wall so he could see the whole room and you as you went to the counter, ordering his hazelnut latte and your own coffee, as well as two fresh rolls. You waited patiently for your order, which didn't take too long because there weren't many people out and about right now in this weather--plus, this was officially dark enough the streetlights were turning on.

Taking the seat across from him, you placed the latte in front of him and reached into the little bag you brought with you, breaking apart the two rolls and holding one out to him. “Here--I figured something to actually eat would be good, too,” you said cheerfully.

For some reason, Levi hesitated for a brief second, fingers hovering over the roll before starting to retract, eyes a little unfocused before he took the roll from you. Strange, why that was a thing, but you brushed it off in favor of drinking from your cup of chosen coffee, cupping both hands around the cup to help you warm up.

“We can warm up in here for a while before heading back outside. It’s only going to get colder as night settles in.”

“This is one of those six things you wanted to do, right? Get coffee?” Levi asked, hands on the cup he had yet to drink from, allowing it to warm up his bare fingers. Actually, looking at the window you could see some spots on the window where condensation had been wiped away on the inside, along the edge of the frost that was creeping along the outside of the window. Had he been tracing the ice while he waited for you?

“It is, yeah.”

“It’s going to be dark, then, by the time we get to the sixth thing. Was that intentional?”

You nodded. “There’ll be far less people there if we go later when it’s dark out. Plus, I think it’ll be prettier.”

“Are you going to tell me what the last thing is?”

“Nope. You’ll have to wait and see.”

Levi scowled, finally taking a sip from the coffee you’d chosen for him. He made a face at the first taste, and for a moment, you were worried he wasn’t going to like it and would set it right back down. He took another sip, though, and he wasn’t neglecting the cup. He didn’t seem to think it was the best thing in the world, but at least he was drinking it.

He was probably going to stick to tea, though, based on that expression.

“Well, what do you think so far?” you asked him after the two of you sat in silence for several minutes, nursing your coffees and letting yourselves warm up while you nibbled on your respective bread rolls.

“About the snow?” When you didn’t correct him, he looked back outside the window. It was still snowing, but much lighter than it had been before--like light flurries, or something out of a Christmas movie. The snowflakes that hit the window evaporated almost instantly, revealing it had turned into the kind of snow that didn’t stick. “It’s nice.”

You gave a pleased smile and took another sip from your cup, glad that so far your little endeavor to make snow and winter a positive experience for him had worked, despite the little hiccups along the way like falling off the sled and coffee apparently not being his thing. At least he’d been willing to give it a try, though.

For the most part, the two of you sat in companionable silence, Levi asking the occasional question about the piano and what you were learning or pieces he was learning, and even giving you a tentative question about how the whole college thing was panning out. It was still stressful, and as you’d said before, your...situation, or rather the people around you, were only making it so much harder for you and really getting under your skin about it all. But Levi’s words from last time were something you were clinging to in order to help you push through these last few months before you would graduate high school and you could finally get out of here.

Just another one of the many reasons you were glad to have him in your life. You wished he could stay with you, that you could keep him here. His life in his world didn’t sound pleasant at all, and you knew he’d already been through some dark things. Maybe if he was here, he could have a better life, things would be easier for him.

And...and maybe he’d choose to spend it with you.

You were blushing at the thought, and you panicked slightly when you remembered you weren’t outside, you were warm inside, and there was no biting cold to blame on the flush in your cheeks. Finishing the cup of coffee with a rather painful swallow, you started gathering up your things, glancing out the window to see the sun had fully set and darkness had taken over the sky.

“We should probably get going. Yeah, night might be the better time to go, but if we wait too long you might blip back, or they might close, so…” you said quickly, getting to your feet and tucking hair into your hat as a way to hide the fact that you were rubbing your cheeks in a weird hope that it would make the flush go away, or maybe give you an excuse. Levi was still giving you an odd look, though, his eyebrows raised, but he got up without commenting on the blush.

Aw jeez, what if he saw, though? He was so damn observant. And what if he already knew? What if he already knew that you’d been sneaking glances of him the past year or so that he’d come to visit you? What if he knew you were starting to look for excuses to reach out and touch him, even for a moment? What if he knew that part of the reason you buried your face in his chest whenever you two hugged or were curled close together--whether it was on the hood of a car or on the couch watching a show--was to hide the furious burn in your cheeks, and to let you simply breathe him in for a few moments? What if he knew that the times that he tended to blip through into your world was when you wanted nothing more than to be around him, when you desperately wanted a friend and needed someone there to be a steady presence to help you get back on your feet, or provide a comfort that didn’t feel invasive or demanding on how you should bounce back or how you should be feeling. What if he knew your heart had started skipping a beat when he looked at you like that with those sharp steel blue eyes, his hair falling in his face…

Ah, snap out of it, stop stop stop! You’re friends! Who knows if he even thinks of you that way, just...uhg, this isn’t about you, this is about him, this is his first snow, just...just focus on that right now, you can puzzle over your feelings after he’s left alone in bed throwing out your frustrated complaints about how you don’t know how to talk to people you like into your pillow like you usually do. Later. After this. Focus, the night’s almost over, and he probably won’t be here much longer today, anyway.

Having given yourself a mental berating over the direction of your thoughts, you focused back on the present with a quick huff, straightening up and leading the charge back out into the cold snow, Levi walking leisurely at your side as usual. It was a longer walk than any you’d done so far, and you were taking him in a direction that you hadn’t taken him before. He wasn’t around a lot in the winter time, obviously, so he didn’t get to see this little hobby of yours. Well, maybe not even a hobby, more like a winter pastime. You were far from a professional or enthusiast. It was just something you liked to do on occasion when it was cold, and you were hoping that it was something that he would find enjoyable as well.

It was a simple setup, one that matched the smaller town you were in, with a regular clear plastic half-wall lining the edge, plain Christmas lights crisscrossing over the walled off area several feet into the air and anchored to the poles along the outside, or to the small booth that served as the entrance fee area and the place to get rental skates, if there were enough. Benches lined the outside of the wall, places for spectators to watch or people to put on their ice skates, and the small outdoor ice rink itself was well lit, the ice appearing to glitter between the starlight, Christmas lights, and the lightly falling snow.

There were a few people, but since it was getting dark and the weather was getting colder--it was already below freezing--most people had left or were in the process of leaving as you went to the booth, paying the entrance fee for two teenagers and getting your shoe size, then having an awkward few moments where you got to try and figure out what shoe size Levi was before you finally managed to get a pair that looked like it would fit him, passing his ice skates to him even though you still hadn’t given him an explanation about what you were doing.

You sat down together on a bench near one of the entrances to the rink, and Levi followed suit when you started taking off your shoes and putting the ice skates on in turn.

“Considering you’ve been stupidly good at anything like this so far, I sort of expect you to get the hang of this fairly quickly, but...this is called ice skating,” you explained in a low tone so no one would hear you explaining what this was to him. “It’s all about balance and such--balance on the blades on your feet, center of balance, that kind of thing. It might take a bit to get used to, but once you do, you’ll be skating along in no time. It's something I like to do in the winter, and I thought you might enjoy it, too.”

You finished strapping the skates on, getting to your feet and taking a few careful steps since you were still on concrete until you were standing in front of Levi, holding your hands out for him to take. “Here--just focus on standing and getting used to balancing on the blades, first,” you told him, pulling him up to his feet and letting him stand in front of you for a few moments, holding tightly to his hands as he wobbled slightly, feet moving from side to side experimentally, picking up one foot and attempting to keep his balance on the other, simply feeling it out for a few seconds while you held him securely in place.

His hands are warm...rough and calloused...but warm...

After he seemed to get his balance, you walked backwards to bring Levi forwards into the ice rink, making sure he kept his balance despite the awkward steps until you reached the smooth ice that the skates were meant for. The slicing sound of the skate blade against the ice felt right to your ears, and you gave Levi a moment to adjust to the terrain, shifting so that you were standing beside him on the ice instead of in front of him, holding one of his hands.

The remaining skating group seemed to decide they didn’t want to risk crashing into the new skater in the small rink and left, meaning it was just the two of you in the rink as you taught Levi how to push off with the blades, how to turn, how to stop without face planting into the ice. It was much faster than most people learned, but it was still slower than you expected. He just seemed to be a natural at so many things, it was almost weird watching him have to progress through figuring out how to ice skate.

Then again, you were teaching him piano, as well, so it wasn’t entirely something new. Maybe it was just the fact he always seemed to be magically gifted when it came to anything physical or something that had to do with aim, accuracy, speed…

With just the two of you, the rink was pretty quiet. There were your voices, of course, with you encouraging him and explaining what you showed him on how to do this or that on the skates, how to speed up and slow down, how to do a hard and sudden stop (again, without face planting). Levi occasionally made a few quips or grumbles, though none of it was mean spirited. He seemed focused on what you were showing him, and he was learning it fairly quickly. You might even dare to say he was having fun.

The other sounds were the slicing of your skates against the ice, and the music playing over loudspeakers on the poles for patrons to skate to if they wanted to. The man running the booth wasn’t even paying attention to the two of you, he was watching tv on a tiny screen you could barely see through the window in the booth, meaning that for now, it was just the two of you, despite the normally public setting.

Once Levi had his balance and he was able to skate on his own, namely in a circle, considering you hadn’t taught him any tricks yet since you were rather focused on...just skate, you let his hand go, albeit reluctantly. Still, it would allow him to get comfortable in the skates and skate on his own without leaning on you like a crutch--and the entire thing would be much more enjoyable for him if he could do it on his own without your help.

Once you were no longer teaching him the basics, you took off to go at your normal speed, skating fairly quickly around the rink, getting the feel for being in the skates again--figure skates, mind you. You liked trying to pull off tricks, and you liked trying to time them to the music. You weren’t an Olympic figure skater, but you could do some basic tricks. Not only was it something that you liked doing and that gave you a degree of accomplishment, but it was also a moment to let yourself shine and show off a bit around Levi.

Closing your eyes, you simply felt the movement, the feel of the breeze created by your movement against your face, gravity acting on your body as you leaned this way or that for a turn. You listened to the music, getting a feel for the beat and the pace before you started adjusting to try and match the music. When the beat dropped, you attempted a leap and spin--just a quick one, landing a little shakily because it had been a while since you’d done this, but still sticking the landing for the most part. Smiling slightly to yourself, you did it again with the next beat drop, the landing going much smoother. You did a few simple movements as well as a few balancing attempts--skating on one foot was a little tricky and required quite a bit of balance, but you could do it--not that you let your foot go too far off the ground--you weren’t trying to form two right angles with your legs and upper body, you had a slight fear of losing your balance forward and causing a bad accident trying to pull that off. It was simple leg up stuff that you tried. And as long as you were paying attention, eyes open and alert to your surroundings, you could skate backwards, too--which you did. It was at that point that you turned to see Levi watching you while you were skating, an intensity in his expression you hadn’t been expecting. You blushed slightly to catch him staring at you, then gave him a smile, a wave, and you turned back around to do a nonchalant figure eight down the center, cutting across to the other side, doing a little spin before you came to skate beside him.

“So, what do you think?” you asked him warmly, skating casually beside him for the time being, staying on the inside so you were the one making the tighter turns.

“Think you could show me some of those tricks?” he asked, eyes down and directed towards your skates. You chuckled, lifting one of your legs just slightly off the ice and unsurprised to find him mirroring your movements. He was a little wobbly at first, just like when he’d stood up, but he quickly evened out, and he even was able to lean into the turns without crashing. “I’d say wait for the harder ones like leaping spins until you’re a bit more experienced with the skates. Maybe just stick to movements and patterns. Lifting a leg, figure eights, skating backwards, that kind of thing.”

“What, you think that little of me?”

You snorted. “On the contrary, you have a gift for learning these kinds of things. I’m actually pretty envious how easily everything seems to come to you.”

“Not everything,” he mumbled, and you thought you saw his cheeks were flushed again. Though maybe it was the cold. It was far below freezing at this point, and the two of you were skating around, that freezing air blowing on your exposed skin in an almost cutting manner. You hadn’t really noticed that much, though. “Skating backwards shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

While you had expected him to try it, you hadn’t expected him to try it right at that very moment as he was skating beside you. His hand suddenly grasped your arm, and he did a hard turn like he’d seen you do a few times for your tricks, coming to a slightly wobbly stop--not a full stop, you were both still moving--directly in front of you, one of his feet planted between your legs and the other on the outside. He was, for the moment, skating backwards.

“It’s gonna be inverted, remember? So instead of leaning--”

“I know,” he said with a huff, glancing behind him and leaning in a mirror of the direction you moved to turn with the curve of the small rink, his grip on your arm tightening slightly and his gaze down at your feet to make sure you two didn’t get tangled up in one another.

You went around the rink like this once...twice...eventually he stopped looking at the turns behind him or the skates below, his grip on your arm going lower...lower...closer to your hand...his eyes focused solely on you as you strangely enough took over guiding the two of you in nonchalant circles around the rink, feeling that gaze of his making your cheeks burn until, after a turn into the longer stretch of ice, you turned to look at him and ask what he was staring at.

He kissed you.

There was no warning. You hardly had time to turn your head to face him before his lips were against yours. His lips were cold because of the weather, maybe a little dry as well, but just like his hands, despite the rough and cold outer appearance, it was...soft. Hesitant, even, like he might pull away at the first sign of discomfort. You sucked in a sharp breath in surprise, feeling yourself lean into him, start to put more weight on him as you kissed him back just as hesitantly.

You were both frozen like that for a few moments, cold lips pressed together, timid and unsure about what to do, neither of you having done this before and knowing what came next. But despite the freezing temperature and dry lips, it was still warm--or, it caused a warm feeling in your chest, a nervous and overeager squirm in your belly as your mind started to work again and all these thoughts started to crash down on you, realization of what this meant, what it could mean, that this was your first kiss, that Levi was kissing you, holding you a little closer to him. After that initial freeze, you both tried to keep going, the inexperience showing but neither of you wanting to pull away. If anything, you leaned into him a bit more, lips moving against his in the way you thought they were supposed to, his attempting to follow in kind. As if to help guide both of you, his hand reached up to brush his knuckles carefully against your cheek, your head tilting slightly to the side in a reaction to the touch.

He felt warm. He felt comfortable. He felt inviting--like you belonged here, right here with him, stumbling through figuring out what came next, with him holding tight to you to help keep you steady when you started to shake, and you there to return the favor.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, and you felt breathless, felt your knees start to shake, the skates wobbling beneath you as Levi started to pull away, just as gently as he came in for the kiss. Your eyes, squeezed shut a few moments ago as if that could help freeze the moment in time like the branches on the willow, started to open.

The presence you were leaning into in front of you suddenly disappeared, and with the amount of weight you’d been putting forward, you lost your balance, falling hard onto the ice with a skidding slide, palms burning against the cold ice as you pushed up onto your elbows, looking around in bewilderment.

And then you just...stayed there. Just sat there. Completely alone in the skating rink. No one around to so much as witness what had happened, or confirmed it was real.

No Levi.

Just you.

Alone.

Alone on the ice before you could even release the breath you’d been holding.

*Levi’s POV*

Levi opened his eyes not to the chilling air and the bright lights both from the stairs and the strings of lights above, not to Y/N’s face aglow in that light, that blush in her cheeks that she’d kept trying to brush off as the cold despite her lingering touches, no lightly falling snow that left wet drops like dew on her cheeks, nose, and forehead. He was alone in the silence of the Underground, lying stretched out on a couch with an arm behind his head under a pillow, staring up at the dark ceiling of his current place of residence.

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to will himself back to that moment, feeling a bubbling anger rising in his chest. Nothing was happening. He couldn’t smell the fresh air, couldn’t hear the faint music, couldn’t feel her hand against his arm or her lips against his, couldn’t feel the unsteady weight of having those blades under his feet. He held his breath, eyes shut as tight as he could, trying so damn hard to get back there.

But nothing changed. Even though there was nowhere he wanted to be more right now.

Levi opened his eyes slightly, peering at the ceiling without really seeing it, hand stretching out in front of him like he was reaching out to that mental image of the girl running ahead of him, just out of reach even as he stretched, tried to grab onto her even as she slipped through his fingers like smoke, far out of his reach.

Levi’s outstretched hand turned into a fist, and he slammed it against the wall the couch was pushed up against, hearing something crack. “Shit!”

It had been so perfect. He’d been watching her the whole time, watching her move so gracefully and freely, so confident and just so...so...beautiful. And she didn’t seem to even realize that was how he saw her. Didn’t seem to realize just how much she was worth to him. He couldn’t help himself--he hadn’t even realized what he was doing until his lips were on hers. But it had still felt so right in that moment, in that single, fleeting, perfect moment.

And now he was right back here. All over again. He didn’t even get the chance to open his eyes and see her reaction, and it pissed him off. Now he had to wait, and he hated the thought. Anger and frustration bubbled right to the surface as he got up off the couch, unable to sit still as he got to his feet with a dark, sulking look on his face at how robbed he felt right now.

Though there was also a tiny part of him that was scared because he hadn’t been able to see her reaction. Especially now that he’d just disappeared on her.

He didn’t know how long he could wait--he knew he’d have to, but it had to come eventually. He’d go back soon, surely, and he could see her then, he could try to figure out what that kiss was to her when he went back, what it meant for them. Even if part of him was nervous to know how she was going to take it, even if he had no idea what this meant for them, fuck, he had to know, and he couldn’t stand to wait another hour!

What Levi didn’t know at the time...was that it would be years before he ever saw her again.

Next Chapter---->

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