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#listen i don't know why i need this but i need this
rimunagenius · 3 days
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It’s Time You Switch
ʚ pairing: Paige Bueckers x reader
ʚ word count: 4.4k words
ʚ prompt: “Fuck your boyfriend, he a bitch. I think it’s time you switch.”
ʚ warnings: RPF!! , smut!!, voyeurism, dirty talk?, face riding, fingering, oral reader!receiving, basically porn with little plot
ʚ rimunagenius speaks: in which Paige turns straight girls ;) i have not written smut since my wattpad era so im sooo insanely rusty but i also have never felt the touch of a woman romantically sooo idek if this will be any good…suggestions are welcome to make it better!! and for future works!!
| Masterlist | Women’s Basketball Masterlist |
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"I don't know what I did to him, though. That's what I can't let go. He's being so dry and cold." You told the team as you did dynamic warm up before practice started.
Coach G just shook his head, listening to all your guy problems. This was just another boy for him to hate on campus. At this rate, the whole male and female population at UConn was on his shit list.
"I say, you dump him." KK said, patting your back mid walking lunge. "He's been doing this for months now, it's time to drop him, girl boo.” You told KK a lot of things. She was just a freshman but she become a quick and good friend.
You met her in a class you had been taking and started talking, soon finding out you were both on the same team. It shocked her, but after finding out you stayed off social media, the press release of her committing was new news. You were a senior and she was a freshman, but this friendship was like you two knew eachother forever.
"Yeah, I agree with K." Paige said, from the other side of you. A soft, comforting smile on her face.
"You know what could fix this? A girls night." Aaliyah smiled, her eyebrows wiggling suggesting you guys go out.
"I know you're not planning to go out, get drunk on the night before a game." Coach yelled from his seat on the bench.
"But Coach, c'mon! My girls feeling sad." Paige feigned a pout, grabbing your shoulders and pointing your face, you pouting your lips and batting your lashes.
"Nah, it's okay. I don't really want to go out anyways. Staying in is the move." You sighed, the stretching finished.
You talked about it all practice—sad about it all practice. After, Paige suggested you come over to her place, a sleepover. You begrudgingly agreed. Telling her she needed to take you home to get some clothes; Paige shutting it down because you could borrow hers.
That was the first mistake. It didn't feel like a mistake in the end but that was the first step to a very confusing day afterwards. The second, sharing a bed with the blonde.
You both decided to lay in her bed, get fat on snacks, and watch all the movies you could before getting sleepy and tapping out for the night. I guess Paige had another tapping in mind.
"You know he doesn't deserve you so why do you stay with him?" Paige disregarded the movie, turning her head slightly to look at you.
"He does deserve me, he's just struggling, I guess." You shrugged your shoulders, dwelling on the fact that you couldn't figure out what he was actually struggling with.
"Fuck your boyfriend. He's a bitch for the way he's acting with a pretty girl like you." Paige got passionate about defending her friends. Especially when someone in their life wasn't treating them right. She was more of a protector. A fierce one.
"Paige, that's a little mean."
"It's true. It's time you switched. I'm telling you, girls are so much less complicated. They're easier to read and better at communicating." Paige smirked to you, knowing you wouldn't shoot for it.
"Please, if I knew how, I would." You rolled your eyes, looking down, shoving a potato chip in your mouth.
Paige's eyes went wide. There's no way you were actually serious. You looked like the straightest of straight girls, a very attractive one. Which is why she thought it sucked you didn't swing that way. "No way, are you serious?" She laughed.
"Yeah, but I dont even think I like girls like that." You furrowed your brows. You never actually thought about it. You had no idea if the "girl crushes" you had were actually crushes.
"What does that mean?"
"Like, I've seen girls and thought they were super attractive. I'd wonder what it'd be like to kiss them, and I used to say i’d treat them better than their actual boyfriends, but I didn't think that far." That set it off for Paige. That's how it started. First you thought about what it'd be like to kiss a girl, then to date, and then to fuck.
"Have you ever thought about dating them?" Paige already knew where this was going.
"Yeah sort of. But I was always with him that it was whatever." You looked to Paige.
"Well it's time you switch." She smiled smugly at you, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm down to show you how." That was the most forward Paige had ever been with a girl. She knew it was swaying you, the contemplation clouding your vision, deep in thought.
"What do you mean 'show me'? Like how to fuck?" Your brows furrowed as you questioned the blonde beside you.
"That's exactly what I mean..." Paige's eyes watched yours, waiting for the green light.
"Okay." Suddenly the air in your lungs disappeared when Paige grabbed your face and kissed you deeply. She wanted this for so long. You and her had been bestfriends all throughout your childhood. She had even told Geno he couldn't give her an offer without giving you one. Your skills in basketball were exceptional, your work ethic and athleticism and ability to work with people around you. You and Paige made a great team.
She had admired everything about you for as long as she could remember. She was just waiting on you. You moaned into the kiss, opening your legs so she could slot her body between yours, achieving the best angle to kiss you.
Something in you felt like this was all muscle memory. Like you two have done this before. Her hands moved to your hips, her grip firm but so soft. You two kicking the snacks off the bed, not caring about the mess that was to be made.
"Imma take your clothes off...that okay?" Paige's lips trailed down the collumn of your neck, moaning at the sensation your body sparked throughout her body.
"Yeah, okay. Please." Instantaneously Paige's fingers dropped the the waistband of your pajama shorts, and the waistband of your underwear. The feeling of lace pulling a groan from the blondes throat. Ridding you of your pants and underwear, her hand grabbed the hem of your shirt—her shirt, sliding it up.
You sat up, pulling it off, panting softly. You couldn't believe this was happening. The least you expected from this sleepover was hooking up with your bestfriend, in her bed, on a friday night. You then grabbed Paige's face, needing her lips on yours like you were a woman starved.
Paige was a sweetheart; a golden retriever, kind, and good person...but when it came to her game, on and off the court, she was literally a cocky fuck boy who could prove they could get into your pants. She was a respectful woman, one of the best even, but the second mutual interest was involved; game over.
While making out, her hand cupping your breast over the padding of your bra, the only clothing you seemed to have on left, she bit your bottom lip, slightly tugging on it with her teeth. Your back arched, moaning at the sensation she was able to wash your body in, she quickly unclasped your bra, sliding the straps off when you were flat on your back.
Having the soft skin of yours exposed, she slowed her movements, dodging your face when you tried to kiss her again. "Show me how he got you off." The sentence shocked you.
"Huh?" You looked at her, her eyes having the same challenging look. She knew she'd do ten times better than he ever could. Plus, it helped that her anatomy and your anatomy were the same...meaning, she knew where everything was.
"You heard me, show me what he did for you, so I can show you that I can do it better." Her long hair falling on her shoulders, she slid her Huskies t-shirt off, leaving her in a black sports bra.
You shifted on the bed, nervous but willing. She already had you naked, you were already so wet so you knew when you try and fail to get yourself off like how your ex did, she'd make it better. Paige always made it better.
You reached your hand down, sliding your fingers through your soaking wet cunt, gathering as much as your slick as possible, gasping softly. The feeling of your fingers ghosting your clit, you remembered that you were supposed to be doing this how he did, so you disregarded the spot your body ached and pleaded for physical contact, and jumped straight to inserting two fingers.
You looked at Paige, a look in her eyes you've never seen before. "Wait, he didn't even—?" She was confused but really focused nonetheless. You knew she wasn't really paying attention to what you were doing, she was; she was literally getting soaked at watching you play with yourself, but she just couldn't take her eyes off your pretty pussy. She would never be your 'friend' again after tonight.
You shook your head at her question and continued in fingering your self, curling your fingers at the right spots, maintaining the even yet somewhat hasty pace. Your panting started to get louder, your eyes fluttering closed every now and again. Slowly coaxing yourself to your high, you spread your legs wider, reaching your hand out, signaling Paige you wanted her to grab your hand.
She placed her hand in yours and she was immediately pulled on top of you, your mouth finding hers. Your hand never wavered in the work you were doing on yourself, which is why Paige swallowed the loud moan induced by your orgasm, as you slowly started to slow the rhythm of your fingers, riding out the small orgasm.
You don't know why you did it, you only were conscious of it after you had placed the fingers that were previously inside of you, into her mouth. Your jaw slack, jus a tiny bit, watching and feeling her lick your fingers, swallowing any trace of your she can hope to find. You couldn’t believe you were behaving like this. So dirty but so willing.
Paige moaned at the action, not trying to deny that what you had done could've made her come alone. She started to drag her lips from yours, to the corner of your lips, to your cheek, all the way to and down your neck, sloppy and lazy but sensual kisses were left in her wake.
She wouldn't dare leave any marks behind, your guys' team would calculate what went down her tonight. So she settled for non-visible hickeys. When her lips met your breasts, she took her sweet time with both. Her tongue swirling around your taught nipple, her free hand kneeding the other.
Your back was already arching off the bed, hands tugging at the sheets below you. The soft cries leaving your lips egging her on.
She moved across the other breast, a trail of purple and red trailing the way, her hand switched places. You couldn't take this...you needed her somewhere else. You loved this but holy was she dragging it out.
Before you could even ask—beg, her to move where you were so desperately wanting her, her hand was already spreading your leg open, lips following a foreign, yet so familiar path, all the way down to the curve of your thighs.
She started slowly, opting to tease you, but also educate you like she promised. You understood the significance of foreplay, hell you craved it in your evidently clear soon to be previous relationship, but you couldn't take the ache your pussy had for Paige. It's like it knew you needed her all along. It didn't help that you hated the prolonged attention, but also loved it. Watching her worship your body was something so unexplainably attractive.
The way she slowly placed soft kisses from your knees, massaging the soft skin of your calf's along the way, all the way up your thigh. The closer her lips got to your center, the more antsy you became. You needed her mouth to connect already. You couldn't take it anymore.
"Oh, my god. Paige...please." You sighed, your panting growing more and more viscous.
"Please what, gorgeous?" Her lips ghosted over your wet folds as she moved to the other leg, now blatantly teasing the fuck out of you, while she smiled and kissed every expanse she could.
"Please just eat my pussy already. I can't take it." You almost cried begging her to finally do something. She had you masturbate infront of her for christ sake.
"Whatever you want." She looked into your eyes, her pupils blown, a blissed out smile and haze on her face. Almost immediately after, her face disappeared in between your legs. Paige licked a stripe up your soaking cunt, from the entrance all the way to the most sensitive nerve ending.
The sound that escaped your mouth was borderline pornographic as the built up arousal finally was being tended to. The feeling of her slick tongue running one more stripe through your folds before swirling around your clit was something you absolutely could not imagine. Your mind in a foggy mess.
"You taste so sweet, baby." The name leaving her mouth ignited fuzziness that you felt in your toes all the way to your scalp. Her voice hoarse, mouth glistening from you, you could never get this sight out of your head; nor did you want to.
"Ohhhh, my god." It came out like a pure cry. The choked moans mixed with tears and strained sobs, elicited a newfound hunger in Paige.
Her mouth doing double time, her tongue swirling and licking perfectly paced, her lips sucking and kissing all the right places at the right time, started to build up the coil in your belly. The feeling growing more and more intense the more she praised you from between your legs. "You're doing so good for me, baby." You couldn't even breathe.
The coil snapping, the tension in your belly now releasing, a gushing mess now painted Paige's gorgeous face, your mouth agape.
You couldn't help but scream...almost. Your moan so loud, Paige covered your mouth with her hand. "Shh, don't want the neighbors to hear." Paige panted softly in your ear, before cracking the signature smirk.
The smugness she had while she saw the aftermath of what seemed to be the best orgasm you have ever had in your life. Your breathing still shallow, your chest heaving, the pattern of the way it rises and falls mesmerizes Paige. Her ego being fed tremendously watching the way you fell apart just by her going down on you.
She couldn't help but want to brag to your ex that he couldn't even make you feel half of what she just did. The accomplishment of getting you to look like this in her bed, your breath fanning over her face as she hovered over you, the accomplishment in having you like this, with her in her bed, was truly a miracle.
Paige loved it. She could go this whole night just fulfilling your needs, showing you everything you missed out on in your pointless one sided relationship. She intended to.
"Oh, my god. That was—" You stopped, your breath finally returning. "That was fucking amazing." You looked at the blonde who seemed to be content watching you fall apart.
The smugness on her face but the adoration of you being here, pure evidence that she was enjoying every second of it. "It was. Didn't know you were a screamer." The cocky Paige returned, forgetting keeping the moment remotely intimate. You smacked her arm that rested next to your body, and grabbed her face and kissed her.
You caught her off guard, her mouth open due to a small gasp, and took that as your chance to slide your tongue in her mouth. You two made out like horny teenagers. You two weren't that far from being teenagers, that was only a couple years ago, but you two made eachother feel like two young kids, absolutely enamored with the idea of each other that you couldn't get off of eachother.
You two made out, you slowly turning yourself so you could be on top. Paige knew what you were trying to do, allowing you to take control for now. You oulled apart, looking down at her, picturing this, saving it for the foreseeable future. Chasing your lips, Paige grabbed your face, pulling you into a deepening kiss. You two literally couldn't get enough of eachother.
Before you could even get the rest of Paige's clothes off, she grabbed your hips that were resting on hers, and pulled them forcefully over towards her chest. You gasped and yelped, suprised at the sudden force she was using. Hesitant to follow, you saw her hungry gaze go between your eyes and your now—again, soaking cunt.
There was no way. "Paige, no. Don't even think about it." You warned, a small intimidating look. It normally had an affect on Paige on the court, knowing when she saw it, you talked a big game and backed it up. But right now, in the bedroom, you were hers and she had the control.
Tonight was to show you what you were missing out on, and how to get a girl going. There was no way she'd let you have the control, no matter how much she wanted it. She'd save that for another night. Maybe she was getting too ahead of herself, but there was going to be another night with you.
"What are you talking about?" The smugness returned, along with a feigned clueless look. You couldn't take her serious with the fact that your thighs were damn near putting her in a chokehold, her hands inching you closer and closer to where she wanted you...where she wanted you to sit, preferably.
"Paige, i'm not about to sit on your face." You tried scooting back, forgetting that Paige was actually stronger than you. The ferocity in which she pulled your hips, your pussy ghosting her lips at the force and aim in which she yanked you, a small gasp escaped your sealed lips.
You yanked your hips back, giving her a pointed look. "I was trying to literally fuck you, not trying to sit on your face. Let me make you feel good, baby." Paige knew she could get away with calling you baby, you probably weren't thinking much of it when she said it. But Paige said it with conviction, just the way you did right now.
The name only egged her on when you used it in this context. The only context Paige wanted to hear it in. "Your making me feel good by letting me make you feel good. I promise i'm fine, I just want you to sit this pretty pussy on my face. Will you let me?" Her eyes sincere, the smirk playing on her lips slowly convincing you by the second.
"You promise?" You whispered, suddenly conforming to the blonde underneath you. Something about the way she talked easily convinced you.
"Yeah. Promise." You stared down at her, unsure. Not wanting to crush her, your thighs being pretty full, the muscle you've built over the years, and just the general size being something you've been insecure about since you were a little girl.  She knew that.
That's why when she saw the look on your face, she kissed your thighs. In whatever spot she could reach. She gave you a reassuring nod, smile on her face. Albeit you didn't know what kind—cocky or comforting. Either way, when she said what she did, you immediately obeyed.
"Sit on my face." You then moved both knees eye level with Paige, falling back slightly, your pussy ghosting her lips again. The second you put your full weight on her face, her mouth got to work.
The sensation and new angle elicited some explicit sounds. 'Didn't know you were a screamer' kept replaying in your head when you tried to quiet down the moans only Piage seemed to be able to pull from you, escaped your lips.
Her hands cupped your ass, pressing your body down impossibly closer and harder into her face. She seemed to be pushing so hard, you were scared you were going to suffocate her. Her tongue teased your entrance, swiftly ghosting in and out of it, before lapping at your folds and clit perfectly.
She ate you like a woman starved. Like if this was her last meal. You had enjoyed every second of this exchange. You reached your hand down slowly, softly moving your hand in slow circles on your clit, overstimulating yourself.
Paige took notice of your fingers now getting to work, a gravely groan reverberating into your wet pussy as she looked up at you, and quickly closing her eyes in bliss. She decided that since you wanted to touch yourself, she'd slide a finger or two into you. To really get you going. Wasn’t the most ideal positioning but she was going to make it work.
Her head bobbed subtly, effectively getting her tongue into the small space where her fingers were about to make an appearance. Inserting one finger, Paige watched, felt, and listened to the way your body reacted to her movements.
Using each reaction to her advantage. The small gasp you let out when she inserted herself into you, the way your breathing reluctantly changed pace, so she inserted another, noticing how your breath picked up. That's when she curled her fingers methodically to the pace she set for herself, matching the pace you set while you continued rubbing circles in your clit.
It didn't take long for Paige to brung you closer to the edge while her tongue picked up the slack for your fingers. You stopped your movements and let her do the work, she could tell it was good by the volume your pants and moans were sounding. She was working overtime while you ran your hand over her hair, eventually looking for another anchor to grip to while you violently come undone by your best friend. "Oh, my god. Right there. Don't stop." You panted, your jaw dropped.
Your legs started to shake, Paige's pace relentless while she finger fucked you in her bed, while she simultaneously ate you out. This wasn't the way you expected to spend your night, and neither did Paige, but holy fuck was it worth it.
"Don't you dare stop—Oh!" The coil snapped once again, a guttural cry and moan left your lips. You swore that any person who was passing by Paige's apartment would've thought you were filming porn. The moans you moaned were insane and absolutely the biggest turn on for Paige. She wouldn't lie and say she didn't already get off on just hearing you.
Yeah, she worked at you, and saw your oh so pretty parts, but listening to the affect she had on you, the comparison made between her and your ex and the ego boost that came with it, were just the perfect amount to get her off on just pleasuring you for the last two hours.
Your breath uneven, slowly moving your legs away from her face, your chest still heaving. She chuckled softly, before looking over to you, while you laid yourself next to her. "That's how it's done, baby." Paige held her hand up, trying to signal a high five.
You looked at her blankly, her seeing the absolute fucked our face you had, and then pulled you closer to her. Your body resting against hers; the stark contrast of your overheated body, compared to her cold and cool body.
The contrast easing the overwhelmed feeling you harbored just a little easier. "You did so good for me, baby. You looked so hot while I made you come. Couldn't believe it." You smacked her chest, feeling a little cringed that she had to see you and all the faces you could've made while you had the most earth shattering orgasms.
"Paige. Oh my god, stop." You laughed, she did too, You two laid there for a minute before she broke the silence.
"You're not going back to him, right?" Her voice now withdrawn from the cockiness and confident undertones, and just pure nerves and concern. She hoped you'd say no. That you'd choose to stay with her, and tell her he was just there until you realized your feelings for her were the same as the ones she's had for you all these years.
"No, I'm breaking up with him tomorrow. You think i'd go back to him, when he couldn't do half the shit you did with your tongue alone? Yeah, right." You looked up at Paige, your bestfriend. You couldn't believe this is what your relationship evolved to in a matter of two hours.
"Soo, that means..." Paige was hopeful. She just wanted you to say what she's been wanting to say for years.
"Let's date. I love you, you obviously love me," She looked away, embarrassed, and playfully pushed you away. You grabbed her arm, pulling her back so she could look you in the eyes. "Do you want to be my girlfriend? Serious."
"Serious. I'll be your girlfriend. Finally." Paige kissed you, slowly. Melting into eachother, the weight of the new relationship status now sinking in. You two were ecstatic.
You decided to clean up, showering, again, her inevitably joining you. When you both settled and were ready for bed. Too tired and fucked out to continue the movie—restart the movie—you two had started a while ago, it was quiet and dark in the room when Paige suddenly whispered, "I knew you weren't straight."
"Paige, got to sleep! Oh my god." You chuckled before smacking her with the pillow under your head.
"Jeez! Sorry! But I called it."
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peachdeluxe · 3 days
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i'm leaving the post up but please don't ask me to turn reblogs back on for now. i explain why in the replies but honestly yall got very annoying lol
like beyond the scope of just music… a lot of white tumblr users talk to me like you genuinely don't consider the fact there is a world outside of what you personally experience. a lot of people responding to me on here can't handle the idea that there are things they don't know and could stand to learn about the world around them. And it's not about whether or not I can get you personally to listen to things that aren't video game soundtracks or whatever, digging in your heels about remaining ignorant about the pov of other cultures is an extremely dangerous mindset to encourage.
frankly I regret even giving yall the out of suggesting music that doesn't deal with themes of violence or sex, because i'm realizing a lot of you cannot handle anything that makes you uncomfortable in any way and you need to grow out of that. A lot of you do need to listen to music about shit that 'scares you and makes you uncomfy', because if you can't even handle a 2 minute song about the reality other people's struggles I don't believe you have the ability to care about it in real life! There is no meaningful conversation about art that I can have with somebody who can't engage with anything that isn't escapism modeled around their specific comfort.
no matter how righteous and unproblematic and knowledgeable you think you are, the process of learning new things, realizing sometimes your ideas are wrong and going out of your comfort zone is never ever going to be over. you are going to live a very sad, very shallow and small life if you freak out about ever being expected to learn or change
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barcaatthemoon · 2 days
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sniffles || barcelona x teen!reader ||
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you try to hide your sickness from the team.
you weren't really sure what was wrong with you, but you felt awful. it was the kind of sick that would have gotten you off from school whenever you'd been living with your parents. things were a bit different in barcelona with alexia, but you knew that she'd make you miss practice if she found out. sometimes, you wanted nothing more than a break from everything, but there was a big game coming up and you wanted in the starting squad.
that was why you had woken up extra early to make sure that you looked healthy. alexia was none the wiser, even if she had given you weird looks for wearing makeup. luckily, she didn't quiestion it much since a few of the girls had been teasing you for your very obvious crush on another one of the younger players.
"don't take too long getting ready," alexia warned as she let you stop into the locker room. unlike her, you hadn't just worn a training kit in. but you also didn't like to literally start things off by running some laps. you thought alexia was crazy for warming up for her warm ups, but you suspected that was what she needed to stay in such good shape after her injury.
"oi, little chick, are you feeling alright?" ona asked as she stepped up beside you. the team liked to tease you for being wound up for certain things, and your posture was one of them. you were a stickler for perfect posture, unless you weren't feeling well.
"just a bit tired, ale woke up me up earlier than normal." it wasn't a complete lie. you reminded yourself to stay sitting and standing straight for the rest of practice. occasionally one of the other girls would come up and ask if you were alright, noticing that you did seem a little off. luckily, you could pass it off as being tired, but as the day dragged on, it was getting more and more difficult.
your cover had nearly been blown in the gym during the day's lifting session. since you were trying to build up a bit more muscle mass, you trained with the keepers. you had counted on sandra being protective in the motherly way that she always was, but you hadn't expected cata to be keeping such a close eye on you.
"drop the weight down and step away," cata ordered. she had been spotting you on the squat rack. you were still in the lighter part of things and definitely shouldn't have been making the wheezing sounds that you were. "you know the rules. are you trying to hurt yourself?"
"what's going on?" if it was just sandra or alexia, you could have gotten away with claiming that cata was just being mean to you, but when irene joined the group, you feared the jig was up.
"there's something wrong with (y/n), she's wheezing!" cata exclaimed. alexia reached out to feel your forehead, but you ducked out of the way. unfortunately, sandra was able to grab you and irene placed the back of her hand on your forehead.
"she's warm, but she was also going really hard today at practice," irene said. she glanced over at alexia to help decide what they should do with you.
"she's sick, probably with whatever bruna had last week," cata said. you sent her a nasty glare, but the older girl was unphased by it.
"how do you feel?" sandra asked as she turned towards you.
"i feel fine, maybe a little tired, but alexia woke me up this morning. i'd like to finish my workout please," you said sweetly. cata scoffed as sandra let you go. sandra, irene, and alexia all kissed the top of your head as they apologized for interrupting you. cata was obviously mad at you, so you walked over to finish your workout with lucy and the other defenders.
at irene's insistence, you kept things lighter. you didn't notice cata telling alexia to keep an eye on you, so you had no idea that alexia was watching your every move after your shower. she cursed herself as the two of you got home when you let the facade slip a bit. it was obvious with your makeup washed off that you were not well. she should have listened to cata the first time and made you go sit down.
"what game are we watching tonight?" you asked from where you had already curled up on the couch. alexia sighed as she glanced down at you. it was usually a hassle to get you to watch games, and as much as alexia wanted the win, she also wanted to instill good habits in you as well. there would come a day when you'd go somewhere that she couldn't keep an eye on you, and it terrified her a little bit.
"we can start watching a game later, i wanted to talk to you first. how have you been feeling today?" alexia asked you. she made sure to use her gentle voice, knowing that you didn't do well wtih being lectured otherwise.
"well, i've been a bit tired, but otherwise okay. did cata really get it in your head that i'm like, sick or something?" you tried to make it as believable as possible that you were feeling fine. one pointed look at alexia had you mumbling out the truth with tears in your eyes.
alexia sighed as she pulled you into a hug and reassured you, "you're not in trouble this time, but don't do it again." you nodded with your head against her chest. you did start crying, and soon the tears turned into a pretty nasty coughing fit. alexia was quick to get up and get you a glass of water and some medicine. she took your temperature and texted jona whenever it came back way too high.
"i don't want to miss the game," you whined. alexia didn't seem to care as she tucked you into the couch. "i've worked so hard to get to play. please, ale, i want to play."
"if you feel better by the end of the week, we'll see about you subbing on. that just means you need to rest up until then," alexia told you. you'd do anything that she told you to if it meant that you'd get to play in the game. alexia seemed to know that because she had you spending the week watching all of the game film and taking notes that you could manage. whenever she had to be away, she left you in the care of olga, who definitely slipped you more sweets than alexia would ever allow and watched tiktoks with you on the couch for hours at a time.
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calliopesdiary · 2 days
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escapism.
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MINORS DNI - 18+ NSFW
band!poly!marauders x leadsinger!fem!reader
wc: 1.2k
warnings: this fic contains: smut, punishing kink, degrading kink, finger fucking, manhandling, being tied up, daddy kink
summary: when you and the boys get into a slight disagreement, during one of your shows you sing a song you KNOW they don't like you singing. and lets just say you get a... stern talking to.
contents: fem leadsinger!reader, i don't know how to write smut..., bassist!remus, drummer.james, guitarist!sirius, cussing
a/n: as i've implied previously this is my first attempt at writing smut, so Imk if its good!!
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YOU KNEW THIS WOULD END BADLY... your boys were going to be pissed at you, but somehow you couldn't find it in your heart to feel guilty or bad. they hurt your feelings, so you'd just hurt them back.
it was certainly not the right way to go through this.
but there was something so thrilling about it, about singing this song. up on stage. with thousands of people to see. and you could bask in the glory of pissing off your boyfriends.
was it really your fault? the feminine urge to sing this song was overwhelming and... let's just say you had totally recorded it behind their backs. when you first showed Remus the lyrics he was skeptical.
"Love, I admire the tempo but don't you think it's a little too dirty for our genre?" You knew he was probably just jealous about you saying those kinds of words for everyone in the world to hear.
James was next, and James could be blunt.
"I adore the intro, sweetheart. but I don't like you talking that way unless its with us." you remember him shrugging.
Sirius, ohh god, Sirius.
"No."
"Why-"
"I'm not letting you play that at a show.
bingo, they were jealous of the lyrics they were hearing.
so when you had that argument, you knew this was the perfect way at getting them back.
the show started out as usual, playing the normal set. but not making eye contact with your boys.
you set up a track before you went on.
"You guys can leave the stage now." you looked up at James.
"Aren't you going to leave aswell? your body needs rest-"
"I'm fine, I had coffee." You snarked, stepping back onstage. the crowd cheering for your return.
"Alllright... this last song- honestly isn't pg at all and i'm probably going to get murdered for this but-"
the track starts, the boys can hear it from backstage. Sirius is pissed, sexually.
"sleezin' and teasin', i'm sittin' on him-"
"all of my diamonds are drippin' on him."
"i met him at the bar- it was 12 or somethin'"
"i ordered two more wines cause tonight i want em'"
"that bitch-" Sirius slurs.
"a little context- if you care to listen."
"just a heartbroke-bitch, high-heels six-inch."
"in the back of the nightclub, sippin' champagne."
you had done it, sang the whole song with the audience going absolutely insane. and your boyfriends were pissed to say the least.
after you had finished, you wandered off stage when you got lectured.
x
“WHAT THE FUCK was that??” Sirius barked, and you slowly turned to face him.
“it’s my choice was i sing.” you scoffed, trying to walk away until James’ iron grip locked around her wrist.
“you do not get to walk away, y/n.”
“and?”
“since when do you not care what we think?” Remus inquired, though he couldn’t really resist the amusement of the stunt his girlfriend had just pulled.
“since i decided that i didn’t give a fuck on what you blokes think about what i sing in public just because you’re jealous.”
oh yeah, you fucked up.
all the boys had to do was give eachother a look and James started pulling you along to the hotel you had been staying at.
“guys—“
“shut up, y/n.”
you rolled your eyes.
“you know, we can punish you right here right now for all of london to see if you keep this shit up.” Sirius hissed.
“i—“
“shh..” Remus’ nimble fingers and palm locked around your lips for the remainder of the walk.
you peered around at your surroundings and stumbled uncomfortably in your heels.
and you severely wished your panties werent seriously (haha, get it?) soaked.
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once you arrived at the hotel and got into your room, you knew it was over.
a quick shove onto the bed and the rummaging through a suitcase was all you needed.
“g-guys let’s talk about this—“
you attempted to reason with them, while you wanted it (you couldn’t ignore the ache between your thighs).
“you disobeyed us, so this is what you get.”
James tugged the tough rope around your wrists and hung them above your head on the bedpost above you.
“now, tell me, y/n. if you really don’t want this, then why are your panties so wet?”
Remus asked innocently, leaving you to become a stuttering mess.
“i—… erm.. it’s—“
“that’s what i thought.”
Remus’ cold and scarred fingers wrapped around the waist band of your panties and tugged them down your legs.
“so fucking wet for us, puppy.”
he commented, before engulfing two of his fingers into your wetness.
you shuttered, your head thrown back in a pleasured manor.
“you like this, huh?” James ran his lovely fingers through your hair and tugged gently.
“s-stop…” you squirmed hopelessly, and all Sirius could do was pin you down.
“we’re just helping you learn a lesson, pup.”
“this’ll teach you not to disobey us, understand?”
you couldn’t answer, not since Remus ducked down and his lips locked around your dripping clit, sucking on it selfishly.
“Siri asked you a question, puppy.” James reminded cruelly.
“y-yes i- i understand—“
“good.”
he was quick to remove your shirt and bra, as he brushed his thumb against your sensitive nipple.
“ohfuckk— R-Remus f-fuck..” he very much enjoyed the sound of you moaning his name.
“let it out, puppy.” James stroked your restrained arm.
Remus had his hand in his trousers, his damp fingers wrapped around his hardened cock.
he stood up, his hair disheveled. he tugged his trousers down and took out his erect member.
“R-Remus..” you wished you could say that you didn’t want it.
“come on, puppy. you can take me.”
“can you take Moony, babes?” Sirius rested his chin against your thigh.
“y-yes..”
“good girl…”
Remus fucked into you thoroughly, by the time an hour had gone by you weren’t even sure how many orgasms you had in that time.
They took turns, pounding into you with their cocks.
“you’re such a slut for us, puppy.” Sirius stated, cupping your ass as he kept a nice rhythm.
he loved the feeling of your walls clenching in onto him.
“d-daddy…” you whimpered, your tiny little sobs earned nothing but cruelty.
“you’re just a stupid slut, isn’t that right?” James went back to sucking on your thighs, littering marks all over.
once Sirius was done that had been three rounds for each of them, and you had fallen so deep into your subspace.
obviously having three amazing boyfriends, they had amazing aftercare.
you practically collapsed onto James, feeling utterly helpless. Sirius stroked your hair gently.
“did we go to hard, puppy?” Remus caressed your tear-stained cheek.
“n-no i-im sorry…”
“y’just gotta listen sometimes, princess.” James kissed your forehead lovingly.
“we were a bit jealous.” Sirius admitted sheepishly, tucking some of your hair out of your face.
“everything hurts.” you groaned, leaving James to pull you into his lap.
“would you like a bath, princess?”
you nodded tiredly, your eyes still glossy.
once you were cleaned up, you fell asleep quickly. swaddled between Remus and James with Sirius’ iron grip locked around James’ waist.
Your head rested on Remus’ chest, falling asleep to the lovely rising and falling of his chest.
so… was it worth it?
yes, yes it was.
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Text
29 / 2.1k / soap soulmate au, part 6
...
Ghost looks up as Soap storms out of the weapons closet.
"Still herself, I take it?" Ghost asks.
"She's a stubborn pain in the ass is what she is."
As expected. Soap misses the dry amusement that crinkles the corners of Ghost's eyes very slightly. "Didn't talk, then," Ghost says.
Soap scowls. "Not a goddamn word we can use. She won't listen to reason. Thinks she can face down an army. Dense, irritating--"
"Strong-willed," Ghost says.
"To a damn fault. Canny see what I'm trying to do for her. I'm-- she's--" Soap can hardly articulate his frustration. He's got this sick feeling in his stomach like he's been kicked in the gut hard enough to make him hurl.
It's not just you being too stubborn to give up the intel. What happens when you’re freed? You’re not going to stick around. What if Graves snaps his fingers and you go right on back to him?
Soap lets out a rough sigh. "There's more than Graves keeping her from talking. I don't like it."
"You've got a plan?" Ghost guesses.
Soap nods. "Aye. I need to talk to Laswell--"
"Done." Ghost produces a beige folder and drops it into Soap's hands. "Had her look into it for you."
"I'll be damned." Soap flips through the pages in the folder. "Christ. Bloody thin file." He fans the pages inside like a flipbook as if checking for extra pages. "Where's the rest of it?"
"Not much there to dig up."
"Then she's gotta be missin' some--" Something catches Soap's eye as he skims through, and he pauses, lingering on a photo.
Hell's fuckin' bells.
"Think that'll help?" Ghost asks.
"I'd wager so."
"Good. You goin' back in?"
"Aye.” Soap folds the file into his jacket and gives Ghost a good-natured fist bump to the arm. Then he brushes past him, knocking into his shoulder.
Ghost grabs Soap’s arm again before he slips past. "We don't have much time. Price wants to move on Alejandro. Says if you can't get the intel, we go in blind. Rodolfo leads."
Soap sets his jaw. "How long?"
"Three hours. Tops." He claps a firm hand on Soap's shoulder and turns to leave. "Get some sleep."
A moment later, the metal grate door slides open. You straighten back up and steel yourself again.
There's something different about the way Soap carries himself this time. He's not wound as tightly. But the way his eyes settle on you is... odd. The shift in his expression puts you on edge.
He sits down across from you. "We've not got much time. If talking gets us nowhere, we'll try something else."
You lean back, mirroring his posture. "You gonna torture me?”
“That what you’re expecting?”
“Maybe. You ever tortured someone before?"
"Aye. Can't say I care for it, but I know how if that's what this takes." He examines you again with that sharp gaze. You don't feel like he's undressing you with his eyes anymore. It's more like he's searching for something. "Why ask? You want me to put my hands on ya?"
You ignore the mental image that imprints. "I want you to waste your time."
Soap smirks. "What I wouldn't give to let you waste my time. You, me, all this animosity between us... I've got a few negotiation techniques I'd very much like to try." He leans back into the chair, his hands folded in his lap with an easy grin. "But you're no' the type to break under pressure."
"Better men than you have tried."
"Tried torturing you?" His grin tightens just slightly. "Anyone I know? Names, locations?"
Your cheeks heat up again. At that, for some reason. "I can take care of myself."
"I know you can."
He produces the thin file and tosses it onto the table between you.
You look down at the papers that slide out. They're grainy and covered in redactions as if printed and bound, pulled from the deep end of some filing cabinet, scanned, rescanned, and printed again. But you glimpse your name. Your real name--the one printed on Johnny's skin, too. Your chest twists and your stomach sinks.
Soap sees the change in you and leans forward, elbows wide. He opens the file and pushes it across the table. "I'll do anything to protect you, darlin'," he says. "But I need information."
The file is everything you don't want anyone to know. But what catches your eye is that photograph. "Who else has seen this?"
"Me and Laswell. Maybe Ghost if he was feelin' nosy. Does Graves know?"
You pull on your cuffs, wanting to reach for the pages and push them away. "Captain Graves said he'd make this disappear."
Soap leans back, broad palm sliding out to touch the edge of the pages, and his expression softens for a moment. "Some things you can’t make disappear."
You look at him, twisted up with pain and anger. "So, what, if I don't talk, you're threatening to expose all this? Is that it? It won't work," you add with false confidence. "Captain Graves knows everything."
"What I want to know," Soap says, voice quiet, "is what he did with it."
"What?"
Soap leans forward again. "Did he threaten you? Did he say he’d make this go away if you worked for him, hold it over your head?"
"No!” you snap. “After this happened, I couldn't-- I was discharged from the military. I couldn't find work. He reached out to me. Said he didn’t mind if I had… history. Then he offered to have it scrubbed if I wanted.” You stare down at the papers. “He never threatened me. He helped me."
Soap lets out a breath. He was prepared to deal with something a lot worse than that. Maybe he hoped for something worse. If Graves were blackmailing you, the solution would be easy. He'd give you protection, offer to have Laswell erase that file from existence instead, CIA-style. After all, if Graves got his claws into you and onto his payroll that way, why couldn't he? Probably got you dirt fucking cheap, too. Bastard.
Part of Soap wants to press that angle. He could tell you Graves never intended to deliver on his side of the deal. But the truth is that Graves would've had little control over this. Seeing the state of the file, Graves likely did what he could to have it redacted, sealed, destroyed--but someone over his head intervened. Shepherd, maybe. There'd be nothing Graves could do.
Soap wants you more than anything, but the pain in your eyes when you look at these documents tears him up inside. He can’t manipulate you that way. Even if he got you to himself in the end, he'd never forgive himself.
"That's... that's good. He protected you." Soap crosses his arms, squeezing his fist hard around the object inside, the one he pickpocketed off Ghost a few minutes ago. Much as he hates Graves, the man kept you safe. But that's his job now.
"I don't care who you tell," you snap, suddenly full of anger and spitting fire. The sight of those pages puts you on edge. You feel like a cornered animal. "I'm not telling you a goddamn thing. Do whatever you want to me. You're no better than--"
"Am no' blackmailin' ya." Soap's expression sours. So much venom in that mouth of yours. He runs his thumb over his tightened knuckles to suppress his own temper. He's amazed at how easy it is for you to get under his skin, how you push all these buttons when he's the one who's supposed to be pulling the strings.
But he realizes how this must seem. You act tough, but you're vulnerable, exposed, and he has every reason right now to drive the knife in and twist it hard. Maybe he should. Going into the Las Almas base blind means danger for his squadmates.
Christ, he’s tired. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Darlin’, I... I know now you've done things you're not proud of. But that doesn't change anything. Not to me, not to Ghost-- hell, none of us would bat an eye. You don’t need to protect yourself anymore. I need you to talk to me. We're out of time."
He thinks this is about you protecting yourself? You shake your head. "If you’re storming the Las Almas base, you're going up against Shadows. You're asking me to help you kill my own."
"If that matters to you, then tell me how to get to Alejandro without alerting the guards. Nobody has to get hurt."
You scoff, looking away. "There's no way to do that and you know it."
"We don't have to shoot them if they stand down first."
"That's not going to happen. They'll shoot you on sight. It'll be a bloodbath."
"Not for us."
You close your eyes. "I know. That's what I'm worried about."
Soap lets out a frustrated breath. "We're going in whether you talk or not. The blood's on our hands. Not yours."
You keep your gaze angled away, clearly not believing that. "I don't see why you care about security. I don't see why you need intel at all. This is what you're good at, right? This is what 141 does. You break in doors, you kill people."
Soap grips the edge of the table. "The only thing gettin' you out of here is information. I don't care what it is or if it's useful. Price wants intel."
"I don't have it." Your voice is flat and cold. Whatever you can do to make him understand you're not worth the effort.
He leans in and grabs your chin, gently forcing you to look at him. "Then lie to me."
"What?" You stare at him, feeling pinned under that intense gaze. "Are you fucking insane?"
"Might be," A small, sly, half-smile curves his lips. "I'm also desperate, runnin' out of time, and at the end of my rope after starin' at you this long, knowin' I can't have you." He runs his thumb along your cheek. "Maybe I'm bankin' on you losin' your mind before I do."
You swallow. "You'll be waiting awhile."
He smirks. His thumb moves from your cheek to your chin, fingers trailing down the side of your neck. "Do you think you're a good liar?"
Before you can answer, someone bangs on the metal door, rattling it. Price's voice echoes in from outside.
"Get some sleep, Soap," he calls. "We're briefing soon. Give it a rest. We’ll press her for more intel after we’ve got Alejandro back.”
Soap tenses at the sound of Price's voice. "Wasn't planning on sleepin'," he calls back.
"Wasn't a question," Price calls back. You hear him walk away.
Soap withdraws his hand, letting out a soft curse.
"Why would you give your own Captain false information?" you hiss. "You could lose your job. You could get court-martialed. Even if it worked, what if Shepherd finds out? He's still in your chain of command."
"Guess that's a risk I gotta take."
"Then what if I tell you something that gets your teammates hurt, huh?"
"Won't happen. I'll be in the front when things get risky."
"Then how do you expect me to-- if it means you're the one who's--" You huff, words failing you. "You're so goddamn thick."
"Am I? Because here I am, tryin' to make plans and get a read on you, and all you wanna do is piss me off and run your mouth. I'm learnin' a lot." He tilts his head. "In fact, it's startin' to sound like you're worried about me."
"Absolutely not."
"Could always tell me the truth. Extra insurance if you do. Maybe it’ll keep me alive."
"You don't need it," you snap.
"I think I do." He leans in, crossing his legs and folding his arms. "Got a bad feeling about this one. No Shadow worth their salt wouldn’t send us straight to hell if it meant finishing the job. Especially Graves."
You feel another pang of dread in your gut. He's right.
He watches you for another long moment. Neither of you speak.
Finally, he stands, sighing deeply as he goes to the door. "Alright."
"Are you coming back?" The words spill out of your mouth before you can stop them.
He pauses in the doorway. Then he turns back, staring at you like there's something he wants to say. He looks down at the stolen object still clutched in his hand--the key to your cuffs.
He opens the door, slipping through without another word.
...
part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / [part 6] / part 7 / part 8
more Soap / masterlist tag
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ghostofhyuck · 1 day
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NCT Dream when they realized that they're in love with you, their fake girlfriend.
Mark Lee
It started with jealousy. Really. Mark should've known but to stay within the boundaries you two established. You two are fake dating because you're tired of explaining to your parents that you don't need a boyfriend at the moment, so Mark came into the rescue. Mark knew that you don't want any commitments at the moment but oh, when you started to have crush on this classmate of yours, it left a sour impression on him. He was having a push-and-pull moment with his feelings bec first of all, you two aren't in a real relationship, and second, he doesn't have the right to be jealous. But why is he jealous? It probably took Mark days to realized that he's in love with you and his jealousy was the result of it. 
Huang Renjun
You and Renjun are platonic soulmates. That's what you two are and despite the whole fake dating scenario, nothing changes between the two of you. BUT that's what Renjun thought. It started with the way he noticed that you prefer wearing makeup on your stressful days, and leaves your face bare during normal days. Then he remembers your drink order at a local coffee shop near your university, or how your hair smells like candy mixed with roses. Renjun unknowingly remembers all these small detail of yours, and he couldn't help but to notice you more. Day by day, slowly it became an epiphany to him, that italicized, "oh." he's in love with you. 
Lee Jeno
It was an intimate moment between the two of you. On a late-night convenience store run, you two strucked a conversation that you two never had ever since you two entered a fake relationship. It ranged from senseless topics to serious ones, like your future, your dream, and what you want to do after graduating college. Jeno hums quietly as he listen to your thoughts, he couldn't help but to stare at you, fond because your face was full of expression. So the moment you slipped out that you're uncertain about relationships in your future, Jeno was strucked. That's when he realized that he couldn't imagine his future without you, and a part of him was convinced, that maybe you two should make this relationship be real. 
Lee Donghyuck
it's rare for you to go on radio silence. It's not that Haechan's worried or anything, but as his fake gf, you're the type to give him update or what-nots in case there's an emergency where you two need to act like a couple. So when you're not responding to his messages, Haechan found himself going to your apartment, knocking on the door twice. It took him a few minutes to wait until you opened the door --- both of you are surprised to see each other. Haechan found himself staring at your crying face, (you're in the middle of a breakdown.) "what happened!?" he asked with an angry tone, thinking that someone hurt you. Okay, maybe Haechan is worried about you, and he felt himself hurting because you're in that situation. 
Na Jaemin
Despite being in a fake relationship, you and Jaemin agreed that you two can still meet other people. I mean, the fake relationship is just so your ex would stop bothering you. It worked but you two maintain it because nothing changed between the two of you. You know that Jaemin keeps on seeing other girls, and you're not worry about it, since you don't have plans of having a boyfriend at the moment. (And what you have with Jaemin is very platonic.) But what you don't know is that Jaemin had that weird feeling whenever he's around with another girl. That he feels like he's cheating on you, and no matter how many girls he tried to meet, he always finds himself looking for you instead. 
Zhong Chenle
It started with a fight. A huge misunderstanding that was followed by a miscommunication. It's been a week since you two fought and your anger to Chenle never perished. He was being unreasonable for someone who's a fake bf! He thinks that he's right and wanted to stand on his opinion even though you explained to him calmly your side. But it seems like he doesn't want to believe you, so you walked out first. It's been a week and the guilt is eating Chenle up. Having received an intervention from his friends not only about the fight but also about your fake relationship with him, Chenle probably had an epiphany moment when one of them blurted out, "do you love her?" and then he realized, "oh shit, i do love her." 
Park Jisung
When you and Jisung entered a fake relationship, there were rules and boundaries that shouldn't be crossed --- one of them are physical touches like hugs and kisses. BUT it was a party. Everyone was drunk, and you two became the center of the dares. It was just a kiss, they say. You two are dating, so a kiss would be harmless right? And as much as Jisung tried to avoid it, you ended up only giving him a nod, a permission to him to do it. It was probably one of the best five seconds of his life. After the kiss, Jisung would be so dumbstruck about it, even though he apologized to you after and you brushed it off, he couldn't help but to still think about it. He was sleepless!! he wanted to kiss you again, but this time, he wanted it to be real and genuine. 
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dark-night-hero · 1 day
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You hate Gojo Satoru. He who says he'll be there when you wake up but always in the morning when you wake up, he was nowhere in sight. Dishes left unclean in the sink with his dirty laundry all over the floor left for you to be picked up.
You hate Gojo Satoru. He who promised to protect you but left you once he heard his friends- his students were endanger. He who would leave you in a heart beat, telling you others needed him- his students needed him. What about you? Don't you need protection too?
You hate Gojo Satoru. He who always scolds you for your carelessness, but laughs his carelessness off like it was no big deal. Even when he's hurt he always laugh it off, telling you he was fine, he was the strongest after all.
You hate Gojo Satoru. He who tells you he would be there back by your side by midnight. Only for you to left the cold dishes on the table as you take a rest for the night. Those heartfelt made dishes left untouched as you have no appetite left for the night.
You hate Gojo Satoru. He who has many secrets to keep, responsibilities to meet. He who no matter how many times you tell him to rest, keep it easy, would only push himself even more. Sometimes, you thought like for once, you just want him to be normal. Back to his old self, something that was too much to ask. The two of you have already lost a lot. You do not want to lose him too.
But you love Gojo Satoru. He who even thought was not by your side upon waking up would not forget to cook you a meal before he left home, a single note saying there was an emergency mission and he's sorry he could not be there by your side as he promised he'll be. On the bottom saying he had already but your remaining laundry in the washing machine and that he'll be bringing dinner later and that Megumi and this other students might come too. Also saying sorry for leaving his clothes in a hurry and for leaving the dirty dishes on the sink.
But you love Gojo Satoru. He who knew you needed no protection, you are strong after all. Nevertheless was always there on your toughest times. "Need a help, babe?" There he was leaning over the wall, ready to step in at any moment. "No." "Aw come on babe, the more you get the job done early, means we can come home early too. Allow me to step i-" "Satoru. I can handle this." "'Kay." He pout like a child causing you to roll your eyes and finish the curse in one attack. "Let's go." You spoke, offering a hand to him in which he gladly take, pulling you close to him. "I knew you could handle them." He spoke, kissing the crown of your head.
But you love Gojo Satoru. He who despite never seemed to listen to everyone's word could never go on and ignore you. "I'm sorry." He was kneeling in front of you. Arms and legs crossed, you questioned him. "I'm sorry for what?" "For being a careless individual and getting myself in danger for playing around too much." He pout, blue iris seemed to be looking at you with puppy eyes as if he wss expecting you to let him off so easily. "You knew that was the case. Why still act like that? Look at your students, do you think you're being a good exam..." As you continue to rant off and scold there teacher, the trio that was silently listening and watching starts to shiver. "Remind me not to pissed off Gojo sensei's lover." In return, Megumi could only shrug. He have seen this scene for a long time now.
But you love Gojo Saturo. He who know who to make things right when be fucked up. "Hi." Thats what he said when you saw him creeping inside your shared room at night. In his hands were flowers and some kind of sweets. "Why are you standing in there like a cre-" "I'm sorry, there was a emergency mi-" "It's alright." You were not made that he missed your promised night. Just disappointed, but looking at his guilt written face. All of those disappointment just fades away. "Come here. Are you hurt? Have you eaten yet? If not, how about I warm up the foods and eat?" You smile at him before taking those flowers and sweet in this arms. Not to long he pull you in an embrace. "Thank you." "Hmm."
But you love Gojo Satoru. So that means taking care of his responsibilities- his students while he is gone. "Are you okay?" It was Megumi as he sat down right next to you. "I am." You lied. You are not okay, not when everything is falling apart, not when everything is fucked up, not when it seems like everyone is putting the blame on your love one. Not when your lover is sealed off, unknown how and when to be released. "I'll be okay, Megumi." You pat the boy in the should as you stood up. "Let's get going shall we?"
You love Gojo Satoru, so you have to let him go. With the two of you stand by each other just staring at the ruined city cause by the return of the King of the Curses, he felt him take a hold of your hand. "I'll be back." He spoke, kissing the back of your hand. You smile painfully at him, "Will you?" "I will, I promise. Aren't I the strongest?" He laughs. "... don't make a promise you can't keep, Satoru." Kissing away the tear rolling down your cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "Be safe, okay? Satoru.."
[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2024°
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echobx · 1 day
Note
Barry leaves, asking Rafe to watch his sister, who overhears and objects. Despite her attempts to seduce Rafe, He declines. That night after Barry goes to sleep he confesses his love to her and they have passionate slow sex
Rafe Cameron × Barry's little sister!reader
warnings: p in v (protected), fingering, light oral (fem receiving)
word count: 2.2k
author's note: I hope what I did here is not dissapointing you bestie 💕and if I'ma 100% honest with you, my brain never comes up with anything for Rafe so this is a blessing because I need to write him more (accidentally wanted to write "need to ride him" there lol)
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You're standing in the kitchen of your trailer, your big brother and his friend Rafe are sitting on the couch just a few feet away from you. You never intend to eavesdrop on them, especially because you really don't want to know about all the illegal shit your brother gets up to. You've learned to keep out of Barry's business and only ever do something when he specifically asks you to. Like the one time he needed you to smuggle something over the border, so you packed your suitcase, and your innocent best friend, and had a girl's trip. No one would suspect a cute and innocent looking girl like you to be the sister of one of the biggest fish in the OBX. 
“I need you to stay here, make sure no one comes around and tries anything while I go pick up the new shit,” Barry says in a low voice, not wanting you to listen of course.  “Isn't she old enough, though?” Rafe asks and you smile into yourself a little. You like that he trusts you more than your brother does, but then again it's the simple brotherly instinct to want to have you taken care of. And who better to do that then his best friend. Of course.  “Just keep an eye on her,” Barry sighs.  “I don't need a babysitter,” you speak up and turn around to look at them both.  “Who said anything about babysitting?” Rafe cocks his eyebrow up, trying his best to seem innocent.  “Exactly,” Barry hesitates. “Rafe will just wait for me here until I get back. No babysitting. Just waiting and you're here too, sis.”  “Ugh, you guys are the worst,” you groan and walk back into your room. 
You decide to go through your closet, putting on a pair of dungarees over a simple red top first and walking back into the living area. Barry had left already, and you decided to play a little game with Rafe, unbeknownst to him.  “What do you think?” you ask and twirl around, and he lifts his head to look at you.  “Cute,” he notes and dips his head again, looking back to his phone.  You go and try on something else. A mini skirt and loop top, showing off your belly button piercing.  “How about this?” you ask him again and this time his eyes linger for a little longer, but he just shrugs.  “Looks good to me.”  You groan and stomp back into your room. Picking out a shirt that is basically see-through and a pair of hot pants that really should probably not count as pants, but panties.  You step back out and walk straight over to him, placing yourself in front of him and twirling your hair.  Rafe's eyes get stuck on your tits before he looks up at you and gulps. “That's something,” he rasps and lifts his hips in his seat, but he doesn't go further. 
Not only are you frustrated because none of your attempts have shown any real effect, but also because all you want is for him to just fuck you. It's not really that easy to find a guy when you have a brother who threatens anyone you even think about bringing home. But Rafe's at your place basically every single day. Barry finds him trustworthy enough to stay with you while he's out. And on top of that, you know of the rumors. You know of Rafe's reputation. He takes what he wants, and he doesn't leave until he's satisfied. That's what you wanted for yourself. Especially for your first time.  Which is why it also doesn't make sense to you that he hasn't made a move on you yet, especially considering how you always flirt with him as soon as Barry leaves the room. 
You decide to let it go, instead only putting on an oversized shirt, no bra and a pair of shorts. Your usual look, basically.  When you come back out, Rafe's already looking at you, he's smiling.  “I like that one too,” he says, and you roll your eyes.  “Whatever.”  “Since when do you have a piercing?” Rafe asks and watches you sit down on the other end of the couch.  “Few months ago. Thought if I hide it long enough, my brother can't tell me off about it anymore,” you shrug, bored out of your mind really. And you don't realize that Rafe keeps talking to you about you, and not just about random shit like usually. He asks about your favorite things, and he doesn't even make fun of you for how polar opposite it all is to how people perceive you.  No one would expect a trailer park chick to be a math nerd, or like classical music the same amount as rap. But Rafe finds it fascinating. He's practically enamored by you, but you're too stuck in your head to even really notice it. 
“This is prolly the best shit I had in months,” Barry grins while walking in, taking a small bag of shit out of his backpack and throwing it towards Rafe. “Think we can at least triple that,” he says, and goes to stash the rest.  Rafe is dipping his pinky into the powder and rubs it on his gums. “Oh, that's good,” he nods and leans back.  They spend the rest of the night talking about how much they can take for it and the usual split. And you just sit there, watching and listening and zoning out and thinking about more fun things, like, what if Rafe didn't just see Barry's little sister in you.
The night progresses and you go to your room, telling them you're tired, when you really are just not in the mood to listen to them any longer.  That's how you found yourself, two hours later, lying in your bed, body turned away from the door but still wide awake when the door opens and closes with a soft creak.  “Y/n?” Rafe asks and you pretend to be asleep. “Are you awake?”  You keep your eyes closed in case he walks around your bed to check on it, but he doesn't, instead he just sits down next to you and sighs.  “I don't know how to keep doing this, to keep pretending like I don't care,” he whispers, and your heart starts beating a little faster. “But I can't do what I want to either. I'm not supposed to- Fuck, y/n, I wish I could tell you how much I love you,” he sighs, and you rip your eyes open. 
“You what?” You flip around and stare at him.  Rafe looks at you, completely flabbergasted, he really didn't expect you to hear him. But now it's too late, and he can't take it back anymore. “I'm in love with you,” he whispers, and you sit up. “And I don't- I can't keep going like this, not when you do shit like today and all I can think of is bending you over and fucking you until you beg me to stop.”  “Then do it,” you whisper.  “What?”  “Fuck me.” You look at him and he shakes his head.  “Barry would kill me.”  “I don't care about my brother. I don't want my brother. I want you,” you tell him and lean in to kiss him. 
It's a gentle peck that you place on his soft lips. Rafe takes his hands up to hold onto your neck as he reciprocates the kiss, harshly and with a demanding manner that makes you feel like putty in his hands.  You try to stay quiet, but the way his tongue presses against yours makes you want to moan louder than you ever anticipated from a simple kiss. But Rafe knows what he wants, and now that he's had a taste, he's not stopping.  His hands find your waist, running up and taking your shirt off you. Rafe stops kissing you to admire your body, hands groping at the flesh of your tits, and you have to bite your lip to not moan.  “Take off your shirt,” you whisper, and he follows suit, throwing it somewhere on the floor before starting to kiss down your body. Lips trailing down your neck to the valley of your breasts, then farther down, sucking your piercing between his teeth before kissing your clothed clit.  “You smell so good, baby,” he moans against your cunt, before slapping against your thigh, and you instinctively lift your hips and let him take off your slip. 
“If that's not the prettiest pussy I've seen in my life,” Rafe hums before licking a stride up your slick folds and closing his lips around your sensitive bud. Shallow moans and quiet gasps leave you as you grasp into his hair, trying to hold onto anything you can get your hands on while he edges you on.  “More, please, Rafe,” you beg and he looks up with a smirk.  “Want me to fuck you, baby?”  “Yes, please, please.”  Rafe thrusts his fingers into your tight hole and your back arches up. His fingers curl up and prod against your walls, making you squirm under him.  “God, you're tight, it's almost like-” he stops and looks at you. “Have you never had sex?”  You feel ashamed at first, but you can't lie, you know he's gonna find out eventually. So you shake your head and hope he doesn't mind.  “Jesus, baby, you should've said something. I would've come over and fucked you way earlier if that's all you wanted this whole time,” he whispers and kisses you, his hand still working on your pussy until you feel like you're about to explode.  “Cum for me, baby, I know you want to. Soak my fingers,” he growls into your ear, and you let go. Your moans are swallowed by his lips on yours and his fingers fuck you through your high until you lie there, panting and happier than ever. 
“Need more,” you rasp and pull on his shorts, trying to open the button.  “Really needy, aren't you,” Rafe chuckles and gets up to take off his shorts and boxers. Your eyes go wide when you see how big he is. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to pick Rafe of all people for your first time, but there’s no going back now. You watch him pump his dick a few times before rolling on a condom and coming back to kneel between your legs.  “You have to tell me if it hurts. I don't wanna hurt you,” he says, and you nod, biting your lips in anticipation.  His tip nudges your hole, and you take a deep breath as he starts pushing into you. Forgetting that he wanted to go slow, Rafe bottoms out, and you feel like you're being split in two.  “Shit, are you okay?” he asks, and you nod, trying to not cry from the stinging feeling.  “Go slow, please,” you whisper, and he kisses you, distracting you from the pain between your legs.  He pulls out slowly and pushes back into you, groaning quietly against the skin on your neck. Your hands are clasping his shoulders and your legs are wrapped around his middle, letting him hit even deeper inside you with his shallow thrusts. 
“You feel so good, baby. This pussy is made for me,” Rafe muses, kissing your neck and sucking on the soft skin, leaving marks for days. Your mind is dazed. The pain you had felt just minutes before is replaced with pure pleasure and the way he longingly stares into your eyes.  You didn't expect him to be so gentle with you, but now that you have it, you want nothing more than to do it over and over again.  “Fuck, you're so tight,” Rafe grunts, gradually fasting his pace. He pulls out almost completely, leaving you empty and babbling for more until he slams back in, holding onto the headboard of your bed so it doesn't hit against the wall.  “You're mine. My girl,” Rafe grunts and rams into you another time.  “Yours,” you moan softly, still trying to keep quiet and not wake your brother next door. But Rafe seems to have forgotten about it.  His right hand comes down to hold onto your neck, and he starts pounding into you harsher and faster than you thought possible. Maybe he really wants to try to impale you with his cock, and you know you'd let him. It's overwhelming, and you feel the band inside you go tighter with each heavy thrust.  “Let go, baby, I got you,” Rafe looks down at you and smiles, you can feel it inside of you, the warmth, and then you're lost. It feels like you're falling and when he pushes into you deeper and halts, you're caught again. 
Your poor cunt won't stop clenching even after he had pulled out and disposed of the condom. You're hot and cold at the same time, like a storm had just washed over you and left you speechless.  “Next time we do this, you can be as loud as you want to, baby,” Rafe whispers and kisses your neck, holding you tightly in his arms before you both drift into a deep slumber. 
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please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho
taglist: @ijustwantttoread @spideysimpossiblegirl @redhead1180 @princessmaybank @kys4-20 @drwstarkeyy @immyowndefender @julczimozart
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dixons-sunshine · 2 days
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Beside The River—Young!Daryl Dixon x Young!Fem!Reader
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Summary: Daryl found you annoying. You were way too talkative and you seemed to enjoy ruining his serene moments beside the river. So why did he find himself disappointed when you seemingly didn't show up by the river one day?
Genre: Fluff.
Era: Pre apocalypse.
Part of the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams AU.
Warnings: None.
Word count: 1.2k.
A/n: This is specially dedicated to someone who recently discovered my blog and has been nothing but sweet about this au. I know I said requests are closed, but she gave this idea and I had to write it. I hope you like this!
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Daryl didn't care. With his mom dead, his father being an abusive, raging alcoholic and Merle in and out of jail, he just didn't have it in himself to care anymore. His mere twelve years of existence was plagued with nothing but suffering, and he doubted that things would ever get better. The world was designed to work against people like him.
Then you moved with your mom to the trailer park. Daryl remembered that day vividly—he was petting some stray dog when a small moving van had pulled up to the trailer home that had stood vacant for years up until that point. You and your mom had worked alongside one another to unload the few boxes from the vehicle, and soon after, you had spotted him. You had sent him a huge grin and waved at him enthusiastically, but Daryl couldn't return the kind gesture. He just didn't have it in him to do so. He just turned around and stalked off, hoping that was the end of it.
That next day, Daryl was sitting by the river behind the trailer park. In some cruel turn of events, you had stumbled upon his hiding place. Without even asking for an invitation, you had plopped yourself down beside him and introduced yourself, happily rambling on about whatever was on your mind—that day, it was about how much you loved the scenery that surrounded the river. Daryl didn't say anything, hoping that you'd get the idea and leave him alone after that first day, but you didn't. You returned the next day as well, greeted him with that cheerful smile of yours and started talking about nothing in particular.
That went on every day for an entire month. Daryl never talked, never so much as managed a meaningless greeting or a slip of his name. He just sat there and listened to your rambling. Sometimes he contemplated not showing up; he could just find another place to relax, a place you wouldn't find, but then he reminded himself that the river was his spot. He found it first. One day, you'd realize that he didn't want your friendship and leave him be. He just had to stay strong until then.
He told himself he found you annoying. What kind of person keeps on going back to a person that never speaks, someone who's name you don't even know? He didn't care about you, and he certainly didn't care whether or not you showed up.
So why was he kind of feeling disappointed that you weren't showing up that day? Everyday, like clockwork, you'd show up at three pm, but it was already almost five pm, and you were a no-show.
Had you gotten the hint? Had you finally realized that Daryl was a lost cause and you would never get through to him? Would he ever see you again? And why the hell did he care whether or not he did?
Daryl sighed to himself and hugged his knees to his chest, staring at the blue water of the river. He was just about to get up and throw in the towel for the day when he heard rustling behind him.
“Hey! Sorry I'm late. I had some chores I needed to get done.”
Daryl couldn't explain the relief that flooded through his body. As he looked up and saw you approach with that happy smile of yours, he couldn't help the twinge of happiness that tugged at his being. You showed up, and as you placed a basket down beside him and removed your shoes to walk around in the shallow water, he couldn't help the way his lips twitched up into a small smile.
You walked around in the shallow water, sending him a smile. “You know, I saw that,” you told him, giggling at the confused look on his face. “The smile. That's the first time I've managed to get a smile out of you. Don't tell me you're starting to like me, Reaper. That would be the end of the world as we know it.”
Reaper. That was the stupid nickname you gave to him because of the Grim Reaper on his shirt he had worn the first time you joined him by the river. He guessed he couldn't blame you; you didn't know his name, so you had to improvise. Besides, from everything he had been called before, he couldn't be mad about Reaper. It wasn't the worst nickname in the world.
“You know, even though you don't talk, I'm actually enjoying your company. I know I can be annoying. Believe me, my grandparents never let me hear the end of it. But it's nice to know that I haven't scared you o—Woah!”
Before you could finish your sentence, you slipped on a rock and fell into the water. A huge splash formed around you, and you flailed around to get into a seated position. Once you managed to raise into a position where your head was no longer under water, you were pleasantly surprised to hear the sound of someone's soft laughter—Daryl's soft laughter.
“Careful. Heard the rocks 'round here ain't exactly dry.”
You were shocked, but a smile soon spread over your face. You let out a shocked laugh and shook your head, splashing some water in his direction.
“Yeah, you don't say, Sherlock?”
Daryl chuckled and got up, offering a hand to you. You accepted his offer and allowed him to pull you up, but not without splashing some more water at him first. He rolled his eyes and stepped back, turning around to sit back down in his previous spot.
“Well, now that I know you can speak,” you began, wringing the water from your shirt. “Could I maybe get your name now?”
Daryl shrugged, casting his eyes down to the ground. “Dun' know. Wha' do I get in return?”
“Well, I brought some snacks and sodas. You get first pick. How's that for a deal?”
Daryl looked up at you, feeling shy underneath your bright smile. He contemplated his choices; on one hand, he didn't want to start revealing things about himself. The less you knew, the better. However, on the other hand, he had already broken his promise to himself and talked to you, so he supposed he could offer you a name.
“Ya got a coke in there?” he questioned, crossing his arms over his legs.
You nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
“Daryl,” he responded after a few beats of silence. “My name's Daryl.”
You smiled brightly at him. “It's nice to officially meet you, Daryl. I have a feeling we're gonna be great friends.”
“Do I have a say in the matter?”
“Nope,” you giggled. “You're stuck with me now.”
For some unknown reason, as you grabbed a can of coke and handed it to him, Daryl realized that he didn't fully hate the sound of that.
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lowkeychenle · 3 days
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Guilty As Sin? [ZCL] (M)
Description: Chenle is everything you want--everything you need. Somehow, the thought of him manages to pull you back in even after you were free. Messy kisses, late night trysts, and him tracing the word 'mine' on your thigh--barely anything, so how could you possibly be guilty as sin? (based on Guilty As Sin? by Taylor Swift)
Genre: Smut/Fluff/Angst (there are like text message screenshots in here too!)
Content Warnings: Smutty smutness, use of the word 'slut' in a couple different instances, uhhh self...help lol, explicit, rough, unprotected sex, and I think that's it for now *MDNI*
Word Count: 9k
Taglist: @niinjo @dinosaurtoothbrushwithninjasauce @sleepyvic @christinewithluv @lostinneocity @thisisnotjacinta @toursworld
Permanent Taglist: @neozon3nha @sunnybutcloudy
Pairing: Zhong Chenle x fem!Reader (features roommate!Renjun, Mark, Jaemin, aespa Karina! and other Dreamies sporadically lol i don't even remember who's in here)
A/N: sorry if this feels a bit rushed :( busy season approaches again
Juliet's Masterlist | Tell me what you think? :)
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Lips brush against your neck and trail up to your ear, and you feel his smile before you hear his chuckle. His hand grips your thigh, but as he pulls back, his eyes travel along your face. His irises have gone dark, and he gulps. The room is far hotter than it should be, and as you sit next to Chenle on your couch, his fingertip traces a single word on your skin, over and over again.
MINE
MINE
MINE
MINE
“(Y/N), are you listening?” Chenle’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and hopefully nobody notices how your stare was stuck on the way he taps his fingers on his jeans. Your face heats up, but you try your best to hide it.
“What? Sorry, tired today.” You sit back in your chair, glancing around the room to see your roommate, Renjun, and several of your other friends sitting on the various seats around your living area.
“You don’t look tired.” Karina raises her eyebrow at you.
You glare back at her. “How do you want me to fix that?”
“Chenle was asking us if we wanted to go to a party next week,” Jisung adds. “A friend we don’t know of his is turning twenty-three.”
“Uh, sure. I’ll be right back.” You launch up, heading for the kitchen. Before you turn fully, you make eye contact with Chenle. He leans back on the couch cushion, legs crossed, and head tilted. He’s dressed so simply, sweatpants and a dark, loose-fit T-shirt, but you could ignore those things for your own sanity.
What you can’t ignore?
The quirk of his eyebrow. Did you just imagine the way he looked you up and down? Every inch of your skin feels hot, and you think of those fucking fingers on your thigh all over again.
Before you embarrass yourself any further, you quickly move towards the kitchen, throwing the door of the refrigerator open to grab a water bottle. You set it on the counter after inhaling half of it, and then brace your palms on the edge, too. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath. You’re not sure why you can’t stop fucking thinking about it.
His hips slam into yours while his hand covers your mouth to keep you quiet. Your eyes roll back in pleasure. No matter what, you’re lost in the feeling of him inside you, the sweet stretch and how his jaw is clenched hard to keep his own noises at bay. You want to feel him everywhere, to truly lose yourself in the moment.
You wrap your legs around his waist to get him closer, and he curses a little louder than he should—
“You okay?” Chenle’s voice startles you so much, you jump and let out a loud gasp.
“Fuck, why would you sneak up on me like that?” You try to focus on this Chenle, and not the one you’d been thinking about two seconds ago. Your body is on fire, and all you can do is hope everyone leaves soon.
“I…I didn’t.” He chuckles.
As soon as his fingertips graze your arm, you stop breathing. Your gaze darts down to the contact and you gulp. “What are you doing?”
“Uh, nothing? Are you okay? What’s gotten into you today?” He retracts his touch, concern flashing across the deep brown color of his eyes.
“I think I’m getting sick or something.” You scratch your forehead. “Sorry if I’m being weird.”
The next thing you know, he’s stepping closer to you. Your back is pressed into the countertop, and he slowly lifts his hand to press the back of it to your forehead. You try to control your breathing, but it’s no use.
“Hm,” Chenle murmurs. “You feel hot. You should go lay down and get some rest.”
That alone has embarrassment traveling through you at the speed of light. What the fuck is happening right now? He’s much too close, smells too good, and his voice is making your insides flutter.
“I…” You clear your throat and pull him away by his wrist. “Yeah, I’ll go.”
You grab your water bottle and practically run away from him, not stopping to acknowledge the rest of your friends as you travel the distance to your room. Closing the door behind you, you rest your back against it and let out a shaky breath. You pat your cheeks, trying hard to force it all out of your mind.
You can’t want Chenle right now. It’s severely inconvenient.
To be honest, you’re not even sure how it got this bad. How you got to the point where being around him has you on fire, craving to take off everything you’re wearing and cool yourself down.
You crawl into your bed instead, lying flat on your back and staring up at the ceiling. Mark’s obnoxious laugh sounds from the living room, but you try to tune everyone out. You don’t realize your hand resting on your lower abdomen until Chenle comes barrelling back into your thoughts.
“You gonna be good for me?” he murmurs, kissing your shoulder and breathing you in.
“Yes,” you say.
“Good girl.” His lips press against your jawline. “Can you show me? Show me how you want me to touch you, baby.”
You curse under your breath, the heat finally becoming too much. The stickiness between your legs is humiliating with your friends really only a few feet away, but you can’t find it within yourself to care. You lift your hips and quickly remove your shorts.
“Don’t be shy now,” Chenle scolds you, grabbing your wrist and guiding it down. “How else do I learn what you like, huh?”
You slide your hand beneath your panties, biting down hard on your bottom lip as you come in contact with your clit. A whine gets stuck in your throat, and you dip just a bit lower to gather wetness from your entrance. You pant, your arousal easily coating your fingers.
“Don’t rush.” His voice fills your ears, resonating deep inside you. “Make yourself feel good. Mean it.”
As your fingers make it back to your throbbing bud, you look at him. He sits on his knees, gaze locked on your core. He seems just as impatient as you—his hips rock his cock into his fist as he watches you.
“You’re so fucking wet. Little slut wants my cock that bad?”
“Yes.” You don’t mean to let it slip out for real, but the fast, tight circles have you lost in the clouds.
“Bet I’d make that tight little cunt feel better than you could, huh?”
“Fuck me.” You’re basically pleading at this point. “Fuck, I need it so bad.”
You lift your hips up, desperate for more. Your other hand grips the pillowcase next to your head. Pleasure tingles up your spine as you give yourself some much needed relief. Whispering curses under your breath, you allow yourself to slip two fingers inside. He’s right—yours would never compare to his. So long, so precise, so able to take you places you’ve never been before.
“I’ll give it to you soon,” he whispers, strained. “I need to see you cum first. Make a mess for me so I know you’re ready for my cock.”
You have no fucking clue what it is, but Chenle always has you cumming fast. As you pump your fingers inside, you use your other hand to stimulate your clit. Butterflies flutter in your stomach.
“So fucking desperate. Bet you want me to cum inside, don’t you? Fuck you full of my cum and watch it spill out.”
Just a little more, that’s all you need. You mutter his name quietly, refraining from whining as your hips buck.
“It’s okay, baby, I know you need me.” Chenle’s lips brush yours as slowly rocks against you. Your walls stretch so perfectly around him, you think you’ll go crazy. He lets out a curse when you dig your nails into his back, wreaking havoc on his skin.
God, you swear if you close your eyes and think hard enough, you can feel it. Your stomach twists and turns, and your high approaches way faster than you’d like. You want to savor him and all he has to offer.
You call his name, your body matching his every movement. Sweat covers both of you, sticking your chests together as his tongue wrestles with yours. He pulls away to meet your gaze and stares at you through hazy, clouded eyes.
He releases his grip on your hand, and you immediately lift it from where he pinned it on the mattress to his hair. When you tangle your fingers in it, he gasps, his hips stuttering against yours. He lets out a shuddering breath as he reaches down to thumb your clit, his forehead dropping onto your neck. Your entire being vibrates from being touched by him. It doesn’t take long for you to reach your high, your walls clamping down as you quickly bite down on his shoulder to muffle yourself.
The moan that leaves his lips is high pitched, short, and mixed with a few pretty curse words, and his hips buck one more time before he spills inside you. You clench your eyes shut as the two of you take a moment to regulate yourselves.
When you open them, you’re met with your ceiling instead of a sweaty, blissed out Chenle. You sigh in disappointment, but remove your fingers and try to recuperate your oxygen. You let yourself rest for a second, and then you’re swinging your legs over the side of your bed. Even the mere thought of Chenle doing those things to you has your legs tingling, almost uncomfortable to walk on as you make your way over to your dresser.
Once you change into a clean pair of panties and slide your shorts back on, you go into the bathroom and wash your hands. You look into the mirror and gulp, letting different thoughts take over.
Your towel is wrapped tightly around you as you walk back into your room, surprised to find Chenle still scrolling on his phone in your bed. Heart caught in your chest, you blink away your shock. “You’re still here.”
“Do I seem like someone who would leave after something like that?” He quirks an eyebrow at you, letting his screen fade to black before he tosses it on the bedside table. “C’mon, now, you should know me better than that.”
“I…” You clear your throat and scratch your forehead.
“Do you want me to go?” he asks. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything. I just thought…”
“No, no,” you interrupt him. “Of course not. It’s…different, though. This is us.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, it is.”
“Okay.” You nod, almost as if convincing yourself. “We can still…be us.”
“We can,” he confirms.
You splash some water on your face to get yourself to stop thinking about him. Nothing good will ever come from it. When you’re back in your room, you check your phone. A single notification is on the screen from Chenle. Embarrassment floods through you as you type a response, unable to shake how this is the man that had your legs shaking less than ten minutes ago. Not that he had to do anything to make it that way.
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You slap a hand to your forehead. Guilt replaces your embarrassment. Chenle is a sweet guy, and always looks out for you as much as he can. You shouldn’t be lying to him like this.
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His typing bubble comes up and disappears several times, like he’s debating on what he should say to that. He wants to take care of you. You shouldn’t let that mean this much to you, but you can’t help it. Finally, your phone dings with his response.
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Being alone with Chenle makes you more nervous than you’d care to admit. You pace until you hear the knock on your door. The rest of the apartment is silent as you quickly make your way over to let him in. Of course, tonight was the night Renjun had to leave you alone.
You take a deep breath before allowing him inside. His form takes up the doorway, the darkness cascading over his features and making him that much more defined. You step out of his way, and he walks in without hesitation. He sets the plastic bag on the counter, but doesn’t look at you even as you approach.
“You really didn’t have to.”
“I know,” he says. “I wanted to.”
“Why?”
He shrugs.
“Chenle.”
“It’s a family recipe,” he replies, pushing the bag toward you. “I won’t stay, but make sure you eat it, alright?”
“I don’t have a fever,” you insist.
“Can you stop being so stubborn?” He frowns as he turns to you, his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s going on with you lately?”
“With me?”
“Yeah. You don’t even want to be in the same room as me. Did I do something?” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I came up to you in the kitchen earlier and you acted like I’m the scariest person alive. So, was it me? What happened to make you so uncomfortable with being alone with me?”
You let out a nervous laugh. “I don’t want to do this right now. It’s past midnight and, according to you, I’m sick.”
“Alright.” His annoyance pulls his lips tightly together. “You’re going next week, right?”
You chew the inside of your cheek and nod. “Of course.”
“Cool. I guess I’ll see you then.” He doesn’t let you say another word before he leaves, and as soon as the door closes behind him, you let out a long sigh.What the hell are you supposed to do? He brings you food when you’re sick, texts you to make sure you’re okay, and is always conveniently timed in all of it. You push that thought away. The last thing you need is more to think about.
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From the car, you and Renjun can hear the music from inside the house. You look the property up and down. People are everywhere, and you suddenly feel way too overwhelmed to actually go inside.
“Before we get out,” Renjun starts. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“You and Chenle.”
“Well, that’s not a question.”
He glares at you. “So he shares his location with me, and the other night, I clicked on his contact so I could give Jaemin his number. He was at our place and I definitely watched him leave before I did.”
“Yeah, and? Chenle and I are friends.” You stare back blankly.
“Come on.” He sighs. “You were basically ready to pounce on him from across the room, and then he comes back after everyone is gone?”
“Pouncing across the room is a little crazy, Jun.” You roll your eyes. “I promise you, I didn’t do anything with Chenle that night. I wasn’t feeling well and he came back to give me soup.”
He pauses. “In the middle of the night?”
“I can literally show you the text messages. And I solemnly swear I did not fuck nor intend to fuck Chenle.” You purse your lips and give him a pointed look. “Can we go inside now?”
“If you like him, you can tell me. We’re friends, you know.”
“Like Chenle?” Your voice raises a few pitches. “Renjun, this is ridiculous. Let’s just go.”
“And you should know, he wouldn’t just leave his house in the middle of the night without a reason. So, you being a little sick must be a really big deal to him.” Renjun covers his chuckle with a fake cough. “But yeah, let’s go.”
It’s been decided. You need a drink.
As you walk through the door, your phone buzzes in your pocket.
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You send a quick glance over to your roommate, only to find him already deep in conversation with Jeno. Using that as your opportunity, you head to the direction of the kitchen, hoping you’ll find it in this giant house.
Chenle’s laugh sounds over the music, and you snort as you continue your path. You walk in, and Jaemin throws back a shot of…some mysterious liquid while Chenle and Karina grimace at him. His face scrunches up and a loud groan passes by his lips as he shakes his head.
“That shit is strong.” Jaemin fakes a gag and immediately grabs a can of Sprite to use as his chaser. “Disgusting.”
Chenle sees you first and smiles, and your heart plummets into your stomach. You’re not used to feeling this way around him, not really, but after the other night, everything feels awkward. Maybe he somehow secretly knows what you did.
He beckons you over, immediately grabbing another empty cup and mixes you a drink. You pause, blinking at him. He knows what your favorite is, and you have to wonder how.
Instead of standing next to Chenle, you take Karina’s other side and accept the cup. His smile falters but he doesn’t let it show for too long. Soon enough, he’s back to making fun of Jaemin.
Jisung peeks into the room, waving the four of you down. “You guys. Truth or dare. Living room. Now.”
“For fucks sake.” You sigh, and before you follow Jisung, you grab the bottle from Chenle and dump more alcohol into your drink.
You’re gonna need it.
The good thing about playing this game with your friends is that if you don’t want to answer, you just have to take a shot. Knowing Renjun, he’ll try to do something to make you admit the truth, and you can’t let that happen.
“Okay, drink penalty is two shots per skipped question,” Donghyuck starts. “Three if you skip a dare.”
There’s a devilish gleam in Renjun’s eyes from where he sits across from you, and all you know is you’re in for a whole new world of mental torture.
“I’ll start.” Renjun raises his hand.
“Cool.” Donghyuck replies. “Have at it.”
“Chenle,” Renjun says, making his selection quickly. “Truth or dare?”
“Me first?” Chenle inhales through his teeth. “I don’t trust you. Truth.”
“When’s the last time you got laid?”
Chenle visibly recoils, scratching the top of his head. “Wow, that’s crazy. I don’t know, a couple weeks ago?”
You don’t allow yourself to have a reaction to that. How can you?
“Jaemin.” He points to the pink haired man across from him.
“Dare. Obviously.”
“I dare you to remove one article of clothing every time someone skips a question.” Chenle grins.
“Sure.” Jaemin shrugs in response. “Easy. Mark, what about you?”
“Truth. Your dares are ridiculous.”
The night goes on like that, and eventually, Renjun is asking you the dreaded question.
You roll your eyes, but pick dare. Mistake.
“I dare you to kiss whoever you think the most attractive person is.”
You turn to Jaemin. “Looks like you’re finally taking your shirt off.” You grab the bottle of alcohol and the shot glass, much to Renjun’s dismay.
As you lift the first one to your lips, you catch Chenle’s gaze. His eyes are narrowed as you throw the first back and cringe. While Renjun refills the glass, you and Chenle are in a staring match, almost like he wants to know who you would’ve picked.
Renjun hands you the alcohol. “I’m trying to help you, you know.”
“I don’t need help,” you shoot back. “Stop helping.”
It doesn’t take long after your third for you to feel it, the room spinning slowly as you fight to pay attention to the game. Jaemin found that his shoes counted as an article of clothing, so all he’s got left are his pants, underwear, and one sock.
“Chenle, truth or dare?” Mark asks.
“Dare.” A chorus of ooh’s flood after Chenle says it.
When Renjun leans over to whisper something to Mark, you almost groan out loud.
Mark turns his attention back to Chenle. “Pick one of the girls, and they have to sit on your lap for the rest of the night. If they say no, you have to do the three shots.”
With the alcohol raging through your system, you wouldn’t have the energy to pretend you don’t want that to be you. You won’t hesitate to climb over, despite that being the last thing you should do.
He looks at you, his eyes dancing over your figure before he beckons you over with a single nod. He’s already done his fair share of passing on truths this round, so there’s no way you’re making him take three more shots. He’d be cooked.
Giving yourself a mental pep talk, you shuffle over to him. You hesitate about actually getting on top of him, but he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arm tightly around your waist and pull you as close as he can get you. All you hope is that the catch of your breath isn’t noticeable.
In the split second you look back at him, your gaze travels down to his lips. He’s so close, but you know you have to stop. You can’t let this happen right now. But as soon as you feel the warmth of his body pressed to yours, your thoughts run rampant all over again. It takes every ounce of barely existent willpower to get you to turn towards the group again.
“Relax.” Chenle’s breath tickles your ear as his arms wrap around your midriff. “They want a reaction.”
“How do you—”
“Jaemin, truth or dare?” Chenle ignores whatever question you were about to ask, and your shoulders slump.
A few more rounds pass, and Renjun asks you if you’re interested in anyone. Drunk you can’t lie, so you take two more shots. You shift on top of Chenle to get your shots, and he loosens his grip a bit to give you more room. Without hesitation, you throw the shots back and watch as Jaemin pulls his sock off.
As you take your spot on Chenle’s lap again, you move to try and get comfortable. He holds you still suddenly.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers to you. “I’m drunk and you’re just moving and I can’t help it—”
“What are you—” And then you feel it.
“Please don’t freak out,” he says, panicking. “They’ll all know and I’ll literally never live this down. If you want to move, just…do it fast.”
“It’s okay,” you tell him. “Relax.”
“Huh?”
“You don’t pick when it does that.” You shrug. “If I move, will they see it?”
“Um, yeah.” He gulps. “It depends on if they’re sober enough to look, I guess.”
“Next time one of us gets the chance, we’ll just…dare the other something to get us out of here,” you suggest.
“Us?” he mutters, and you feel his breath shudder against your neck.
“Is it really just because you’re drunk?” you ask.
Before he has the opportunity to respond, Renjun’s voice catches you off guard. “(Y/N), truth or dare?”
“Dare.” You grip Chenle’s arm tightly.
“I dare you to kiss Chenle.”
You immediately think of the three shots you’ll have to take if you skip this one. Rolling your eyes, you decide you’ll show your friend up this time. You turn around so you’re straddling Chenle’s lap instead. The hard bulge in his sweats presses right against your core, and you swear you’re going to lose your fucking mind.
“Is this okay?” you ask him, shamelessly staring at his lips.
“God, yes.” He tangles his fingers in your hair and pulls you in, his mouth meeting yours harshly. You have to keep reminding yourself not to grind against him.
Your core throbs with want, and you’re sure your panties are ruined at this point. The only thing that pulls you away from the man beneath you is the woops and hollers of your friend group. The tips of your ears burn as you realize what you’ve just done, but you want to get him out of there now more than ever.
“Chenle,” you say, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Truth or dare?”
His fingers are still in your hair, like any shame the two of you would’ve felt is out of sight. He wets his lips. “Dare.”
“Come upstairs with me.”
The uproar around you almost drowns out Chenle’s question.
“Are you sure?” he whispers. “Even if we don’t do anything, they’re gonna think—”
“Stop worrying so much. Walk close behind me so they don’t see.”
Chenle glances up at the ceiling like he’s contemplating his options. Before long, he’s nodding. You carefully lift yourself off his lap, and the two of you stand at the same time. While you’re in front of him, the bulge in his pants is undeniable, and you almost grin in triumph. As he leads you through the group with your back basically pressed to his chest, you glare at Renjun, who smiles widely as if he’s won or something.
He leads you up the stairs and down a hallway, stopping at one of the doors in the middle. “This is where I stay whenever I drink too much.”
“So open the door, then.”
“You need to decide what you want right now,” he says, scanning over you. “If all of that was to save me from the embarrassment of our friends seeing how you made my dick hard, you don’t have to come in here.”
“If you knew half the shit I’ve thought about when it comes to you, I think you’d stop talking to me.” You let out an airy chuckle. “Open the door, Chenle.”
He does, gesturing for you to walk in first. You don’t even take a second to admire the room, because as soon as the outside world is blocked off, you pull his wrist until he’s pressed against you.
“You think about me?” He tilts his head. “What kind of things?”
“I’m not the one who popped a boner just from me sitting on your lap. Do you have some thoughts you’d like to share?”
“Oh, come on, now.” He narrows his eyes and weaves his fingers through your hair to tug your head back. “I fucking know you’re soaked. The way you kissed me out there? Whatever way you’ve thought about me must be…”
“Why tell you when I can show you?” You lean up, his lips brushing yours.
His chest rises and falls rapidly, his grip tightening as he kisses you and walks you backwards. The back of your knees hit the mattress, and he lets you fall onto it. When he moves to climb over you, you spread your legs to accommodate him. His mouth is back on yours in an instant, his hands everywhere.
“Need you so fucking bad,” he groans against you. “You drive me fucking crazy.”
You roll your hips up, and as his hands slide under your shirt, the rest of the night gets blurred.
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When you wake up, you’re surprised to find your headache isn’t that bad. At first, as you’re staring at the ceiling, you forget what happened yesterday.
But then you feel the warmth of Chenle’s body next to you, his bare skin lighting fires on yours. He looks like an angel while he sleeps, but you feel an overwhelming urge to run. This wasn’t how you wanted it to happen. At the end of the day, you’ve wanted him for a long time, to the point where you’d created versions of him in your head.
The Chenle you daydreamed about is not the one in front of you, but you wonder how similar they could be.
You wish you could remember last night–the way he felt inside you, how he treated your body. All of that waiting to not even remember what it felt like.
You carefully remove his arm from around you and gather up the courage to get out of bed. As quietly as possible, you dress yourself and make your way to the door. With your hand on the handle, you blink at his sleeping form. You wonder briefly if he’ll remember the events from last night, if he’ll remember it was you, and if he’ll be upset you’re leaving.
The thought is quickly squandered and shoved away, and you leave him curled in his sheets like an angel. You sigh as you make your way down the stairs. Whatever peace you may have known within your silent daydreams are gone, considering your entire friend group watched you go upstairs with him last night. You and Chenle had been friends for years, but you’ve always wanted him in more ways than you’d let everyone think. Years worth of daydreams and hopes and wishes led to some form of delusion where you felt like you knew him cosmically.
Now you’ve done exactly what you’ve craved for so long, but it doesn’t feel right. And even though you feel like you know him, you only know the idea of him, truly. A made up version in your head that has you all kinds of fucked up.
You curse under your breath, letting your eyes roll as you blink back tears. The kitchen comes into view, and you’re surprised to be met by Jaemin and Renjun, too.
“Well, well, well.” Jaemin tsks, narrowing his eyes. “Are you sneaking away from the man of the hour?”
“Sneaking away is a little strong,” you mutter. “Renjun, you drove.”
“I figured you’d be wrapped up all day.” Your roommate pouts.
You glare at him. “Could you stop that? And get your ass out of this house so you can take me home? I need to shower.”
“I’m sure Chenle wouldn’t mind if you—”
“Renjun.”
The serious tone of your voice has both Renjun and Jaemin losing their smiles. They exchange glances, and then your roommate grabs his keys and follows you out of the front.
“Is everything okay?” Renjun asks once you get in the car.
“I—” You sigh. “Yeah, it’s fine. I just feel…sticky, and I’d like to shower and change my clothes.”
“Does he know?”
“Know what?”
“That you left.” He raises an eyebrow at you.
You gulp, wondering if it would’ve been so bad if you’d stayed until he woke up.
But it would’ve. You’re closer to him than he’ll ever be with you, and you have your own mind to thank for that. You’ve imagined late night trysts, laughing with him over nothing, kissing him just because you felt like it. If you’re going to let yourself cross a physical line with him in the real world, how the hell do you build something with someone you’ve already mentally created an entire home with in your head?
“He likes you, you know.” Renjun taps his fingers on the steering wheel, but his eyes are locked on the road. “He wouldn’t have slept with you otherwise. And this is just gonna make him think you don’t like him back, and literally everyone knows you do.”
“It was…all wrong, okay? And I can’t even remember it, so does it even count for anything?”
“So…you left?”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” You shake your head, cross your arms over your chest, and stare out the window. “I’m sure he’ll bring it up.”
As soon as you get home, you get in the shower. You mentally chastise yourself the whole time, and then you get out and change your clothes. Logically, Chenle would be up by now, and he’d notice you were gone. You don’t even want to look at your phone. None of it even has to do with him—you’re just not ready to shatter the image of who he is in your head. What if he’s nothing like the Chenle you’ve created?
But when you grab your phone, you have no notifications on your screen. You swallow hard, knowing that in attempting to save your precious image of him, you might’ve hurt him by leaving him alone.
The Chenle from your head would’ve rushed over the second he realized you were gone. You lay on your bed, grab one of your pillows, and cradle it to your chest as you stare at the wall. How do you explain you’re in love with a man that’s not real? That you’ve made him into someone he’s not and spun stories upon stories that he’ll never actually share with you?
A knock sounds at your door.
“Go away, Renjun,” you grumble, still facing the opposite direction.
It opens anyway.
“Does Renjun usually come to your room a lot?” Chenle’s voice startles you from your fetal position, and you drop your pillow as you whip around to face him.
His shoulder presses into the doorframe and his arms are crossed over his chest. A different pair of sweats clings to his hips, and a simple, long black T-shirt covers his upper half.
“Why do you look so surprised?” he asks. “Did I tell you I wanted you to leave?”
“Chenle, I—”
“Do you regret it? Is that why you left? I’m just trying to figure this out because, at the very least, I don’t want things to be weird between us. So, let’s talk about it.”
“Aren’t things already weird?” You bring your knees up to your chest.
“Well, they were. And I kind of figured that’s what resulted in last night. It doesn’t matter what happens at the end of the conversation as long as we’re good, okay? I’m not expecting anything from you except for us not imploding our friend group.” He taps his foot on the ground.
“Okay.” You take a deep breath and pat the spot next to you. “Close the door.”
He does as you ask and then takes the spot next to you, keeping his hands flat on his thighs. Staring forward, he can’t seem to sit still.
“Do you have something you’d like to say?” You tilt your head. “You seem nervous.”
“I just—I guess I just really want to know why you left.” He laughs at himself. “Not even for my ego purposes, but…did you not like it? Was it bad for you?”
You scratch your forehead and scrunch your face up. “To be honest, I don’t remember any of it.”
Realization dawns on him, and his cheeks paint a gentle pink as he averts his gaze from yours.
“We were drunk, Lele, I didn’t forget on purpose.” You want him to say whatever it is on his mind. He looks like he’s biting his tongue.
“No, I know that.” He nods. “It was kind of a big deal for me. Not that I’m trying to make you feel bad or anything because that’s also not your fault, but I…I really like you, (Y/N). So, that was…real for me, I guess.”
His confession takes you off guard, despite Renjun already telling you. You created a perfect version of Chenle in your mind, but never for a moment did you believe he might live up to those expectations. Now, you’re not sure.
“Drunk or not, I wouldn’t have slept with you if I didn’t like you, too, you know.” You nudge his shoulder. “It was a lot. And I was pissed at myself for not remembering it.”
“Yeah, I’d probably be freaked out if I didn’t remember.” He pauses. “Are you okay? If I’d known that would happen, I wouldn’t have—”
“Relax,” you reassure him. “It’s embarrassing how long I’ve wanted to do that. Even more embarrassing that it actually happened and I have no clue if I made a fool of myself.”
He clears his throat, eyebrows jumping up. “You did not.”
“Well, in that case, everything is right in the world.” You shrug.
“So…” Chenle sighs. “What now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what do we do from here? Are we…a thing? Is that what you want?”
His fingers trail up and down your spine, his eyes meeting yours through the darkness. He’s gentle with you, and the brush of his skin on yours is almost too soft to feel. With every blink, his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks, and you trace over his features mentally. You stare at him, the stillness of the room around you making him that much more heavenly.
“I think I’m in love with you,” he whispers, pulling you closer. “I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that, but I think I am.”
In order to be with this Chenle, you have to let the one in your head go. But how can you do that? How do you erase complete storylines?
“I think I need some time.” You inhale slowly. “It’s a lot all at once, and I just need to make sure it’s a good decision—”
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” he says, putting his hand on your knee. “I get it. Do whatever you need to do, and I’ll obviously respect whatever you decide.”
“You okay?” he whispers, pulling you closer. “You seem sad today.”
“I’m never sad when I’m with you.”
“I…I’ll see you around, okay?” He doesn’t do well at hiding his hurt and disappointment, and while that tears you apart, you need to figure out if this is something you’re willing to risk. The perfect image of him might shatter, and is that really fair to either of you?
You place your hand on top of his and nod, finally looking into his eyes. “I’m sorry, Lele.”
“I promise, it’s okay. I get it.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m here for you if you need anything. Seriously.”
His words sink in, and your stomach twists.
“You know I’m here for you if you need anything,” Chenle tells you, brushing your hair behind your ear. “You don’t have to be alone anymore. Not when I’m here.”
“You scare me,” you admit to him. “Falling for you scares me.”
“I’d be more worried if you weren’t scared.” He laughs and leans back against your couch, spreading his arms across the back.
“Come on,” you deadpan.
“How about you relax a little? C’mere.” He beckons you closer. “I’ll show you how nice it is to be with someone.”
At this point, it all feels real. Every thought you’ve manufactured about him has become so real to you, you can’t fathom the Chenle sitting in front of you isn’t the same person.
He leans forward and presses his lips to your cheek, but within the blink of an eye, he’s standing up and walking away from you. If your vision didn’t blur, you wouldn’t notice the tears welling in your eyes. It feels like the end. The end of a beginning you never really had, but you know something has to happen. You have to figure your own shit out before you can even think about him.
They’re the same person, but an overwhelming feeling of guilt takes over. You’re lying to him. Both versions of him, actually. And now you’ve got yourself caught up in the real world with no way to explain why you can’t move forward with him. How do you tell him it’s because he’s not who you pictured him to be?
But how do you know that if you never give him the opportunity?
You bury your head in your pillow and scream. The answer would come sooner or later.
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When you fall asleep that night, the answer comes quicker than you thought it would. You fade into your dream world, which is the only time you get with him uninterrupted. These always feel so…real.
Dreams and imagined thoughts become fact, reality. Where do you draw the line?
His form is warm next to you, but here, fear doesn’t exist. You curl closer to him. He hums in content and kisses the top of your head.
“What’s going on?” he mumbles, voice deep with sleep. “You okay?”
“I don’t know.” You inhale shakily. “Why does this feel real?”
“What? Because it is.” Laughter intertwines with his voice, but your irritation sets in. Now your delusion has a mind of its own.
You sit up in the bed, looking over at him. “Chenle, I’m serious. We both know this is all fake.”
“The love isn’t fake. The admiration and the way we want each other. You didn’t want to sleep alone, and this was a safe option. What’s changing your mind?”
“You.” After a brief pause, you drop your head into your hands. “The real you. No matter what I do, if I stick around here, I still wake up alone. I don’t have anything without this, and this is barely even…”
“I can’t tell you what to do,” Chenle replies. He reaches over and intertwines his fingers with yours, rubbing his thumb against you. “Do what you think is right. If you don’t give him the opportunity to prove himself, you’ll be stuck here. If you do, and he fucks it up, you can always come back. I’ll always be there for you.”
“That’s the problem, I think.” You furrow your eyebrows and shake your head. “As long as I know you’re here, I’m never going to want him. It’ll always be you.”
“Then you know what you need to do.”
“I’m scared.”
“That’s natural. He’s not going to hurt you. He loves you.” This version of Chenle is so soft with you. So gentle. So overly cognizant of everything going through your head.
Because you created him. Because he knows every corner of your brain.
Expecting the real Chenle to be this way is…unfair, to say the least. He’s separate from you.
“But we—” Your voice breaks. “If I do that, you’ll be gone. Everything we had will be gone.”
“We don’t have anything, (Y/N). You know that. Don’t let him slip away because you’re scared he won’t live up to expectations. Go, and love him. You deserve to be happy.”
He wipes away the tear that falls down your cheek with his thumb, a small smile gracing his features as he regards you with all the care in the world.
“I’m so sorry.” You sigh and pull him away by his wrist. Quickly, you press your lips to his forehead and hug him. “Thank you for everything. But I have to let you go now. I can’t believe I’ve let it go on this long…it feels like I already have a life with him. Like all of this is real and he’s waiting for me to admit it, too.”
“Thoughts don’t make you a bad person. Wanting someone doesn’t make you evil. Not giving them the opportunity to love you back does. Don’t think of all of this as a vow to him, but a vow to yourself. You know what you need, and you shouldn’t accept anything else.” His gaze travels over your face. “Let me go. It’s okay.”
Your jaw quivers as you will reality back in. As you watch this perfect, handmade version of the man you love dissipate right in front of your eyes. He gives you a reassuring smile as he fades into nothing, and your heart pangs as you see the same thing happen in all of the memories you forged.
You’re free. And that can only mean one thing.
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You give yourself a week of space from Chenle. Any version of him. In that time, you find the one created in your head doesn’t appear nearly as often. On the seventh night, you’re alone, staring up at your ceiling while trying to sleep.
At times like these, you’d usually depend on the man you crafted, but the longer you’re away from him, the more you crave the real version. He admitted he likes you, and all you have to do is tell him you feel the same. It shouldn’t be that hard.
Your phone tells you it’s just past midnight. You throw your blanket off of you, and you don’t even change out before you’re preparing to leave your house. Maybe showing up at his place at this hour with soft pink shorts and a matching shirt would introduce some problems, but you don’t care about any of them.
His lights are still on when you pull into his driveway. You give yourself one last mental pep talk, and then you’re launching out of your seat and approaching him for the first time in a week. You knock on his door. Inside is silent, so you pace while you wait for him to let you in.
He opens it, blinking in shock at you. Everything about him is so simple right now, and you might like him best like this. A thin, silver chain is clasped around his neck, dipping beneath the neckline of his oversized T-shirt.
“It’s freezing outside,” he scolds you, pulling you into the house. “Are you alright? You didn’t tell me you were—”
You wrap your arms around his shoulders and kiss him. He lets out a short gasp, but he quickly recuperates and gives you back everything tenfold. His hand lies flat on the small of your back as he presses you as close to him as he can. He spins you around and walks you back until you’re between him and the wall.
You don’t realize the force behind the action, but something around you clatters to the floor.
“Shit,” he groans as he pulls away from you.
When he looks over his shoulder, you peek past him, and find Jaemin, Karina, and Renjun staring at you with wide eyes. Your face burns as you drop your forehead against Chenle’s chest.
“I…yeah, they’re here right now.” He lets out a breathless chuckle. “I would’ve told you, but…you know.”
“Actually, we’re about to head out.” Jaemin clears his throat. “Like don’t let us interrupt anything. Karina was just saying how tired she was, and Renjun really doesn’t like being out this late anyway. So we’ll…see you guys tomorrow. Or not. Depending on how tonight works out. But it looks like she’s a woman on a mission so—”
“Jaemin, shut the hell up.” Karina glares at him.
“Right. Bye!” Jaemin giggles as the three of them exit, leaving you and Chenle alone to bask in whatever the hell this aftermath is.
“You—you’re here.” Chenle leans away from you to catch your eyes. “Are you okay? Sorry, they probably made that awkward.”
“I’m okay. Great, actually. I…I thought about it, about us, and I want to try. As long as that’s what you still want.”
You fidget with your hands, and he reaches down to stop you. Intertwining his fingers with yours, he grants you a soft smile.
“Of course, I still want that. I’ve liked you for so long, I’m not gonna randomly stop now.” He pulls you in for a hug, breathing you in.
When the two of you move away from each other, you can’t help the way your gaze naturally locks on his mouth. Nothing compares to the feeling of them on yours. You cup his cheek, and the next thing you know, both of you are leaning in.
He stops just before your lips brush. “You’re sober this time, yeah?”
“Seriously?” You push at his chest. “Of course, I am.”
A smile breaks out on his face, and he cuts his chuckle off by kissing you. You mold into his body and sigh against him when you feel his hand on your lower back. A shaky breath escapes you as his palms travel downward, squeezing your ass before reaching your thighs. With his unspoken hint, you allow him to lift you up, and then he’s taking you down the hall.
Before you’re even in his bedroom, he’s putting you down and sliding beneath your shirt, pulling the silky fabric over your head. He pauses at the sight of your bare breasts, immediately leaning down to latch his lips to your collarbone. You sigh and grab the hem of his T-shirt.
“Tell me how it was last time,” you whisper, the ache between your legs already too much to bear. “Was it good?”
“So fucking good,” he confirms, dragging his lips up your pulse to kiss your jaw. “I laid you down on the edge of the bed and made you cum on my tongue. Did you know how much you fucking squirm?”
You press your thighs together. “Chenle…”
“You were so wet when I fucked you.” He pushes your shorts down. “How long were you waiting for that moment? Hm?”
“Why don’t we do it all again?” You grab his hand and guide it between your legs. He easily complies, his fingers finding your clit through your panties.
You grind down against the pressure he barely applies, throwing your head back at the sensation. He nips on your neck before sliding the embarrassingly wet fabric away from your core. Two of his long fingers stretch you open, and you can’t help the moan that falls from your lips.
You don’t know how you possibly could’ve forgotten this last time, because you certainly never will now. His palm hits your clit with every thrust of his hand, and your brain quickly turns fully focused on finding a way to reach euphoria.
“So wet for me again,” he mumbles. “So fucking perfect.”
You grab at his wrist to get him to remove his fingers, and then you’re turning him around and pushing him to sit on the edge of the mattress. Like you’ve lost every sense of control, you climb onto his lap, tugging at his shirt. He finally takes it off while you work on pulling his sweats down enough to get his cock out.
“You gonna ride me?” He grips your ass and squeezes. “Gonna show me how bad you want me?”
“Is that okay?”
“Of course.” He moves his hands to your hips and lowers you a bit more on his lap.
You reach down and line him up with your entrance, watching as he inhales in anticipation. Sinking all the way down, you whine at the feeling of him stretching your inner walls.
“Pretty pussy’s all mine,” he murmurs, rocking his hips up. “Wanted me so much you can’t even wait ‘til I make you cum first.”
Your body urges you to move. Nothing is enough to satiate this growing urge except for him. You slowly lift up to tentatively sit back down, and then you hold on to his shoulders, keeping a steady pace in how fast you take him. His eyes grow hazy at the pleasure, and he digs his nails into your skin. Everything else in the world disappears as he stretches you out, as he reaches a deep spot inside you that has you crying out.
Short, low moans leave his lips as he thrusts up harder, leaving your body shaking in his grasp. Nobody has ever made you feel the way he does. Your thighs begin to ache from your increased pace, but when he reaches down to rub circles on your clit, you easily forget the burning sensation.
“Fuck, you’re so tight.” His eyes roll slightly, but he’s determined to keep his pace. “You gonna cum for me? C’mon, baby, squeeze my cock.”
Your speed increases more, but your movements are more erratic, chasing a high that’s so, so close to you. He leans forward and wraps his lips around your nipple, and flicks it with his tongue.
Your orgasm hits you like a truck, and as you spasm on top of him, you attempt to keep your pace. Curses spew from his mouth, and he wraps his arm around you to flip you onto your back. He puts your legs on his shoulders and grips onto your hips. His skin slaps against yours and despite your overstimulation, he finds your throbbing, sensitive bud again as he thrusts hard enough for the bed to join you in crying out.
“That’s it, baby,” he groans. Strands of his hair stick to his forehead in sweat, but he doesn’t relent. “Almost there. You can give me one more.”
You whine his name, squirming wildly until you feel another knot tying deep inside you. He stretches you to your limits, and never fails to reach that spot that has your eyes rolling back.
His eyebrows furrow in concentration as the bed squeaks unforgivingly below you. He moves your legs and turns you to the side, digging his nails into your thigh as he picks up his speed. His hips smack into you so hard, your whines and moans are loud and distorted from the movements.
He thrusts into you one more time before he spills his load. You’re both panting. Shock courses through you at the course of events, but you fucking loved it. He pulls out slowly, guiding you onto your back.
He pushes his sweats all the way down but settles his cock back in his boxers. Leaning forward, he presses a kiss to your cheek.
“I’ll be right back. Gonna grab something to clean you up.” He heads toward his bathroom and leaves you on his mattress.
You’re asleep before he even comes back.
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When you wake up, you’re staring at your own ceiling, in your place in your own bed. Disappointment weighs heavily on your shoulders, but you know exactly what this is. The emptiness on the other side of your bed proves to you all you needed to know—It’s getting pathetic at this point.
There’s an ache between your thighs from the aftermath of the dream, but since you’ll be meeting up with everyone later, you’d feel bad for taking care of yourself at the thought of one of your closest friends railing you.
But that’s the thing, isn’t it?
Soon enough, you'll confuse yourself between the fantasy you've built in your brain and the real world. You’ve never actually touched him, not really. So, at the end of the day, is there anything to be guilty about?
But that thought does more damage than it helps. It’s not going to work out for you, and you’ll always be here, Chenle heavy on your mind, all while you’re guilty as sin.
154 notes · View notes
apalapucian · 3 days
Text
he walks after lily down a corridor. she's fast, turns a corner, doesn't wait.
they end up at a dead end. she faces him then, with no choice. her cheeks are red, and she looks like she's about to cry, but she takes a deep breath as his steps slow down, raises her chin as he stops in front of her.
"whatever you have to say — " she starts.
"evans, i'm not going to — "
"no, listen. it doesn't mean anything, alright? it doesn't have to mean anything. so my patronus matches yours, so what, that happens — "
he feels the sting of that somewhere in his chest. "okay," he says. "but just — hear me out, will you?"
she crosses her arms. a self-hug, it seemed, more than the usual act of resistance. she looks up at him, purses her lips. he takes it as a go-signal.
"you have to know i never stopped fancying you," he says, the words rushing out, now or never. her eyes widen. she opens her mouth to say something, but he doesn't let her interrupt. he can't. "no, just — let me say it all first, please, okay? i need to — you have to know, it's not true, whatever you were told about jeanne. it's you. still you. always been. there was never really anyone else. and this... if you really, really think that the matching patronuses don't mean anything, if it's just some freak coincidence, then — then i'll drop it. i'll drop it forever. i'll try my fucking hardest to forget all of it." his hands curl into fists at the thought. he opens them, fingers flexing at his sides, high-strung. "but if it means something, evans," he pleads, "if there's even a slight chance, tell me. tell me now."
she blinks at him, the tears pooled in her eyes clinging to her lashes. the furrow in her brows isn't promising. he braces for a no. he braces for an entire life spent getting over lily fucking evans.
the moment feels like an eternity.
then she steps forward — snaps eternity in half just like that — surges up at him, on her tiptoes. and kisses him. long and hard.
"i hate you," she says eventually, both hands still on his face, her thumb grazing over his bottom lip. (why doesn't this one last forever? how do you choose, he thinks, who do you talk to?) "god, i hate you so much i could kiss you all my life."
he smirks. "same," he says.
/
edit: the rest of this now up and done on ao3 x
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Note
You know I was reading your platonic yandere Malleus story and I thought what if the punishment made the Reader realize how actually suffocating it is to be around Malleus and servants constantly? It's kind of inverse of Malleus, who was always didn't like being alone whereas his child realize how liberating it is to be free from royalty and royal expectations. The child, of course, struggled with cooking and cleaning at first, but slowly got the hang of it and realized this is the most fun and freeing they ever had.
Reader when Malleus tells them that their punishment is over and they can interact with him, the servants and act like a royal now:
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Y'know, I like this idea. It gives the story a bit more ~angst~ and I think the yandere tab here on tumblr could use even more of that. Thank you for the asks!
-
Anon-Yan 💌‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
Platonic Yandere Malleus
Part 2
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Your punishment itself lasted months, almost years, but Malleus could only bear to keep you in that rickety old tower for so long.
Until he decided to take you out make you "prove" to him that you changed.
You didn't really have to prove to him much, all had to do was give a half-hearted "Sorry" and he would've forgiven you.
Though it wasn't like you didn't change during your time up in the tower. You'd like to think you actually changed quite a bit.
Given that you're not some Manipulative little shit anymore, the servants would also agree.
Due to your time in the Tower you grew to be very self-dependent. You learned how to cook, clean, solve your problems all by yourself. Without the help of your "Loving Father".
You also got alot quieter, having spent the previous months in isolation. You basically unlearned any and all social skills that you had previously built.
While Malleus expected you to change, that being the whole point of him doing this, he didn't expect such a big change in personality.
He thought you were going to remain his precious little baby, who cried and hugged their father. Begging him for forgiveness.
His little baby that thrived off of his attention. Going so far as to become a little troublemaker for it.
Instead you're....this
Don't get him wrong, he still loves you. But where is his precious baby? Now instead of following him around like a lost puppy constantly you stay in your room for hours on end, barely making it out to have supper with him and the rest of the family before slipping away and back into your room again.
What are you even doing in there for so long? He doesn't get it.
He also learns that you've shooed off any and all servants that come to attend to you. While it is good progress for you being a good royal and not needing servants, Malleus doesn't know if he can handle you growing up so fast.
Or at all for that matter.
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"Dear, I'm worried about you. You've been hauling yourself up in this dark and dreary room of yours for the past month! And not once have you come out to spend some bonding time with me and the rest of the family. Was I too harsh punishing you? If I was please tell me! If you're upset or angry at me for what I did please just say something, anything!"
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Malleus gets desperate when he realizes that you aren't a baby anymore. You don't need him to survive anymore. The fact alone makes him want to cry.
But then again wasn't that how this all started? With you acting like a bratty two year old and needing to be taught how to be both an adult and a royal.
So why then..why are these feelings so conflicting?
Yes, he got what he wanted. You're acting like an actual royal now.
However you barely even speak to him. Your own father!
He can't wrap his head around his own emotions, it isn't until you come up to him and announce your plan of leaving the castle to go venture the world all on your own does he finally snap.
He doesn't even listen to your reasoning he just grabs you by your wrist yet again and take you to your 'new bedroom.'
A room right next his, only accessible to him.
This is the only way he can keep you in line.
This is the only way he can make sure the Draconia name is upheld.
This is the only way he can keep you at his side.
Forever.
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"I'm sorry it had to come to this, my child, but one day you'll understand. You'll finally see things the way I do. But until then I'll just have to keep you here and give you all the love I could ever give."
"Sweet dreams, little one."
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star-hoon · 1 day
Text
VERSION OF ME — (p. sunghoon)
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"CAN YOU LOVE THE VERSION OF ME, I DON'T LET ANYBODY ELSE SEE?"
— MASTERLIST
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pairing: sunghoon x fem reader (oneshot)
includes/warnings (16+):  comfort/healing from dark past! au — fluff, angst, profanity, comfort, implied reader has scars, mentions of food/eating  (let me know if i missed anything!)
word count: 1.8k [not proofread]
synopsis: you and sunghoon have been dating for a few months now and he is the definition of your prince charming. but you are finally forced to uncover what you've been hiding from him, and it makes you fear you’ll lose him.
DISCLAIMER: this fic does mention/imply reader has SH scars. it is mentioned without detail and sunghoon is comforting reader about them. *as someone who used to SH, i would never ever mean to trigger anyone. so if this could potentially trigger you, do not read/please proceed with caution.*
author’s note: omg thank you to everyone who read my 'obsessed' & 'intermission' AND for over 110 followers!
i hope you're all okay with this fic idea even its a little on the darker side. but i promise its fluffy n hoon is a sweetie. this one is dedicated to all of you out there who have overcome hardships in the past or dealing with hardships right now, with physical or mental scars. you are so strong, beautiful, and loved!! <3
VERSION OF ME SOUNDTRACK
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it was yet the end of another long and arduous day at work. you dragged your feet into the doorway of your apartment, hanging up your bag on the hook in the entry way and removing your shoes that you could feel were forming blisters on your heels.
sighing, you make a beeline to your bedroom. nothing sounded better than a hot shower to change into some comfy clothes. well, maybe one thing sounded better.
cuddling with your boyfriend sunghoon. and his deep voice and hearty laugh. and his silly puns and dad jokes. and him getting so excited talking about film cameras. just—him.
you had never been one to be very clingy nor dependent with your boyfriends. you just valued your own time and pursuing your own goals, but that doesn't mean you care about them any less.
that's why when you and sunghoon started dating 4 months ago, you felt something click in that regard. he fully understood your introverted ways and wouldn't be like the previous guys and complain about feeling 'neglected' or that you were too cold because he knew exactly how it felt to need alone time/your own space and he respected it.
but even still, when you are together he treats you like an absolute princess. carrying your purse for you when you go shopping, opening the car door for you, standing on the side of the sidewalk that faces the street. he also emotionally cared for you, listening to you rant about things big and small and always reassuring you the day before you have a big presentation at work. you felt so deeply cared for and understood, it made your affection for him blossom even more every day.
today was a day that both you and sunghoon had busy schedules so you weren't going to see each other. but you missed him and wanted nothing more than his comforting presence to fill your currently empty apartment.
you made your way to the bathroom, removing your uncomfortable work clothes. as you stood there uncovered you caught sight of yourself in the mirror. you stared down at your arms, the dark marks that littered your skin. you knew you couldn't hide this from him forever.
before you could let any more negative thoughts consume you, you hopped into the shower hoping the hot water can wash away your stress and worries.
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after your shower that probably lasted a little too long in some water that was probably a little too hot, you heard a knock at your front door. you peeked to the corner of your phone amidst the tik tok scrolling 10:38 pm.
considering how late it was you were suspicious so you tiptoed to the front door, glancing through the peep hole. it was sunghoon. even though you should feel giddy and excited at the sight of your boyfriend, a twinge of panic arose. you were just wearing a tshirt so your arms were fully exposed, not expecting company. you ran and grabbed the first hoodie you could find. it happened to be one of his.
you opened the front door and there sunghoon stood as handsome as ever, with a bouquet of flowers and a takeout bag. you pouted at the sight in front of you—you were the luckiest girl alive. this was exactly what you needed after a day like today.
"hi hoonie" you softly greeted him, gently hugging him and he leaned down to give you a peck on the cheek. "...what's all this?"
he spoke as he took off his shoes and made his way into the kitchen. "sorry for dropping by so suddenly, i knew weren't planning on seeing each other today but i knew you had a long day and you were gonna be home late so i thought you would want some food. it's your favorite from the restaurant downtown." you nearly started crying, how could be so sweet?
"don't be sorry. thank you, you are seriously the best hoon i missed you a lot today."
"i missed you too. just sit and relax baby, i'll plate everything up for you" sunghoon always insisted on plating food even if it was takeout. he believed it made it taste better, the notion always made you laugh.
despite offering to split the meal with him, he insisted he didn't want any saying he ate dinner earlier. but as you two sat at the dining table chatting about your day, you fed him forkful after forkful anyways.
after finishing the meal you convinced sunghoon to let you wash the dishes. he eventually complied, standing next to you at the sink drying the 3 total dishes you had to wash.
no matter how small the gesture sunghoon was willing to do anything and everything to make it easier for you. you were convinced he came straight out of a fairytale—but your fantasy was going to come crashing down.
"y/n...why do you never roll up your sleeves when you wash the dishes? they're gonna get all wet!" his tone playful.
"i-its fine hoon, these are just a few dishes anyways" you try force a small laugh as a chill runs down your spine.
"come on sweetheart lemme roll 'em up for you..."
"i said it fine-"
his hand reaches towards your sleeves, pulling them up your arm slightly. you reflexively move away from him, your mind went into overdrive.
"SUNGHOON STOP! I SAID IT'S FINE!" your arm harshly shoved his body away from yours, the glass you were holding flying out of your hand. the sound of the glass shattering on the kitchen floor seemed to echo in the room.
silence fell between you two. your eyes wide and brimming with tears, your chest heaving from your heavy breathing. all you could was cup your hands over your mouth, your eyes looking at the broken glass a few feet away from you and then to your boyfriend. his expression made you sick. he has never looked at you this way. you couldn't tell if he was scared, angry, sad. it didn't matter.
"hoon i-i'm so so sorry, i didn't mean to push you. fu-fuck the glass i'm sorry i'll clean it up" large streams of tears flowed down your cheeks and you managed to get the sentence out in between sobs.
you felt yourself spiraling. you dropped to your knees and crawled towards the broken glass. the sight of the the pieces blurry from your tears and you picked up the pieces with your hands and putting the shards in your palm.
sunghoon was more confused than angry at you, it all happened so fast he barely had time to react. but seeing you pick up the shards of glass with your bare hands snapped him back to reality. he dropped down in front of you on the floor.
"baby stop! what're you doing?! you'll hurt yourself" his voiced laced with concern. he put a hand on your arm and cupped the side of your face with his other hand, wiping the tears away with him thumbs.
you couldn't stop the tears from escaping you. you couldn't believe what you just did. sunghoon was just trying to do a sweet, innocent gesture for you and in the end you hurt him. you didn't deserve him. you knew you couldn't hide it from him forever but you didn't think it would all end like this.
he leaned his forehead to yours, searching to meet your eyes. you just couldn't look at him.
"please y/n, what's going on?" his eyes wide and he pleaded for an answer. catching your breath after what felt like countless sobs, you gently placed the shards back on the floor.
"i need to tell you something hoon."
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you followed sunghoon's order to meet in your room as he swept up the broken glass. you sat on your bed as you prepared how you were going to explain all of this.
you didn't want to lose him. he was the best thing that has ever happened to you. all you could imagine was his mortified or disgusted face when he sees your arms. the thought made all your tears resurface. sunghoon sat down next to you on your bed.
"i'm sorry for pushing you hoon. i shouldn't have done that." you took a deep breath before continuing.
"i-i've been hiding something from you since we met. i knew i couldn't h-hide it forever, but i never knew how or when to tell you." you didn't know what else to say to explain. you silently pulled up the sleeves of his hoodie you were wearing.
your arms illuminated by the lamp on your bedside table. silent tears ran down your face as you exposed yourself to him. you have never felt so vulnerable, bare, and scared in your entire life.
"sunghoon i-" before you could say anything else, he pulled you into a silent embrace. one hand pushing your waist to be flush against him, and the other to the nape of your neck.
you eventually muster up the courage to pull away to look up at him. silent tears flowed down sunghoon's cheeks. your eyes widened, sunghoon never cried. your lip quivered at the sight. it was your turn to wipe the tears from his cheek as he did for you earlier.
"um i don't really know what else to say but this explains why i've always covered up my arms around you, why i never was intimate with you...even though i really really wanted to..." you let out a chuckle through your cries trying to lighten the mood.
"...i-i'm sorry i'm such a mess. i know you probably didn't want this going into the relationship. i just- i'm so sorry hoon... i get it if this too much for you."
"you don't have anything to be sorry for y/n..." he grabbed your hand to lace it together with his.
"...this is definitely not an easy thing to share. it just breaks my heart to see someone so kind, smart, and beautiful could do this to herself" he kissed your lips, one of his salty tears landed on your lips.
he used your currently intertwined hands to lift up your arms, placing gentle yet tender kisses to each mark on your arms, your breath hitching at his every touch. this was the first time anyone has been so close, seen you at the most vulnerable. and yet he is treating you like you are made of porcelain.
"this isn't too much y/n. i still think you are the most beautiful person i've ever met—inside and out. this is just a reminder or how strong you are and you overcame whatever you faced in the past. i hope one day you can open up and confide in me because i'm here for you baby. through the good and the bad, especially the bad. because i love you."
your heart melted at his comforting and sincere words, now shedding tears of joy.
"i-i love you too hoon, thank you"
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taglist (open!): @laylasbunbunny @blackberryrains
ramblings: this made me so soft and healed my past self 🥺 would you guys like to see more full fics/series or oneshots like this?
thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think <3
reblogs, likes, & comments are always appreciated!!
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sysmedsaresexist · 1 day
Text
Changing mindsets, from a Real Anti Endo™️
The Release of the (Pro/Endo) Golden Goose
I hope everyone from all sides will give this important, heartfelt post a read.
It's likely something you'll want to be aware of if you have a vested interest in syscourse and the validity of endogenic systems. Please give this a chance.
It's been almost three years since I started my blogs. Wow. I've been on tumblr a hell of a lot longer, but I really wasn't involved in the system community. I started out firm and loud. I probably inadvertently fakeclaimed (I went into this with the rule that I would NOT directly tell anyone they were faking, it was a boundary that I knew would ruin me socially if I crossed it, but I'm sure I probably did without meaning to), I name called and made fun of people and things. I was disrespectful to people. I invaded tags to get my message out there, though I was quick to stop once I realized I was making the tags unusable for the community I claimed to want to protect.
I learned very quickly what was appropriate and what wasn't, what I could get away with and what I couldn't. It started to become a numbers game, influenced by the risk of the post.
I made a lot of friends and a lot of enemies, and I amassed a following of over 2k. More people have come and gone from my little community than I ever thought possible. People made fanart of me, and I cherish those so deeply. I have over 300 asks because I struggle to delete the ones thanking me.
And the more I was thanked, the nicer I got, the more thanks, the nicer I got, rinse and repeat until I had trouble NOT empathizing with pro/endos. The more I was willing to listen, the more legitimate sources I came across that disproved my original ideas about consciousness. The people sharing the sources were more respectful than I thought they'd be. Things were starting to look a bit cloudy.
I talked to my colleagues about how they, as therapists, would handle some of these endos in their practice, and while their belief in the concept varied, kindness and attempts to understand was the consistent answer. When had I lost that kindness and understanding that had driven me to that field to begin with?
Colleagues, yes. For those who don't know, I have a degree in social services and counselling (plus three other degrees). It's why the current situation with the antis turning on me is so funny. I still can't get into the mindset of some of these new anti endos, I just can't imagine justifying that level of cruelty. I had lines that I wouldn't cross, and I didn't think people could be worse than me.
... That might have been a trauma thing, looking back on it.
So I got desperate.
I spoke to the actual doctors who wrote some of these papers all of us are quoting. Everyone was arguing the meaning of the words, so I went directly to the source.
Dr Colin Ross, who wrote about endogenous multiplicity in the 80s. I told him everything-- about plurals, non-traumagenic systems, syscourse, what was being debated, how I and others interpreted his words, and what I wanted to learn.
Was plurality only trauma based?
And back and forth and back and forth we went, with me asking over and over again in different ways, NEEDING to hear that it was.
But I never got that answer. He meant what he meant. He said what he said and he meant it.
That plurality was not only found in the aftermath of trauma.
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And I said nothing to anyone because I couldn't reconcile it.
Don't try to read between the lines, I assure you, there isn't some hidden meaning to be found there. I can't share all of the messages because some contained personal information, but my final response will tell you all you need to know.
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(It did NOT, in fact, make sense, and it took me three years to "rethink my paper" that endogenic plurality wasn't possible, I did not win that conversation, it was a dying stance that was not supported)
I've been accused of paying too much attention to my follower count, but I can't really help it. It's really scary when you make a post and see a sizeable drop. It means a lot of different things. My posts have less reach and support. I've upset people. I've done something wrong. My community is leaving me.
I'm in a weird spot, where I'm blocked by so much of the pro/endo community that I have nothing to join, and the anti endo community, who I still wholeheartedly support, continues to leave me for -checks smudged writing on hand- being too nice??
Misinformation about DID is a massive problem, and it's why I still consider myself anti endo and support that community. I relate to them in such a way that I'll always gravitate to and empathize with them.
Or at least, that's what I thought.
At this point, though, how can I not be pro/endo when Colin fucking Ross says it's possible?
I've already written about how I'm really struggling with these labels, and I love the people that have stuck around while I struggle to figure this out.
I hurt when I see the people that once supported me leave.
My (online) world is shrinking. Literally.
That's scary.
When you've watched so many turn away, you start to wonder, with every post, where is the line where the rest are going to leave? Is it this post?
I just want to be me, us, we want to laugh at the stupid crap people say, system or not, I want to talk about my disorder, I want to combat misinformation, I want to have productive, fun conversations about ideas and concepts with people who disagree and have different interpretations. I want to play devil's advocate and get people thinking. I want to be able to comment positivity and kindness on any post I see, I want to feel comfortable talking to more people about their ideas. I sympathize with anti endos, I relate to CDD systems, I still firmly believe that CDDs and plurality are different, unrelated concepts.
My priority will always and forever be the CDD community first and foremost.
However, I am a hypocrite. I have gone straight to the horse's mouth and failed. I've seen so much research that I finally get it. I'm grappling with holding on to this conversation with Dr Ross, wondering what harm I could have prevented if I'd gone public with these emails earlier.
Since when has being open to change been a bad thing?
Since when has showing respect to lived experiences been a bad thing?
What am I? What label describes this?
How do I go forward from here?
What are you going to do with this information?
I promise you, hate isn't the way forward.
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selineram3421 · 21 hours
Text
*wishing I could breathe underwater* Man..
Other Worldly
Part 3
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Part 2
Alastor X Shy Reader
Warnings ⚠
⚠ selectively mute reader, Italics=thoughts, shaking head= no, signing-ASL, Alastor being weird ⚠
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"Let's make a deal~"
You froze.
All you could do was stare at the Radio Demon's red eyes with panic.
He heard me sing again. Why? I thought I was being careful. I made sure to be far away from the others. I checked the room!
"Now, now. There's no need for you to cry.", he said, brushing away a tear that was beginning to fall down your cheek.
Shaking your head side to side, you shoved your way out of his hold and glared at him.
"What do you want.", you spoke. "Tell me the truth."
You saw the way your hypnosis made his eyes glaze over. It was like a fog clouding his sight with swirls of green.
"I want you to sing for me.", he answered.
It took you by surprise.
No one wanted to get hypnotized, it was uncomfortable and made others on edge. You didn't like making anyone feel like that.
"Why?", you asked.
"I enjoy it. Your voice is not only hypnotizing, but it is absolutely lovely.", he confessed.
Your eyes widened and you turned away from the deer demon to hide your blush.
He didn't have to say all that. You thought and covered your smile mouth.
Then you felt a clawed hand on your shoulder.
.
"Sing for me...", Alastor began, circling the mer like a shark. "..and I'll give you the option of controlling that ability of yours."
He stopped just behind them and leaned in close to whisper in their ear.
"You'll be able to communicate normally."
They flinched away but he held them still by placing his hands on their upper arms.
"Think about it my dear~", he leaned his head against theirs. "It's quite the deal."
The selectively mute demon was stiff in his hold, but he didn't want that.
"I just want to listen to you sing, nothing else.", he reassured. "And you'll get to use a private open space to sing."
"An open space?", they parroted.
His smile widened as the familiar daze took over.
I've got them~
"It's free for you to use.", he said as soon as the hypnosis wore off.
"What's the catch?", they asked.
"The only catch is on my end. I don't own your soul.", he replied.
To them it wasn't a bother, but to him it meant that he couldn't keep them. It was a step to making them more comfortable around him however.
Then they started to move their head, causing him to lift his off of their's.
With a glance over their shoulder, they look at him with a shy expression.
"Can I see it?", they asked quietly.
It took a while for him to come back, the hypnotism really was a bother.
"Certainly."
With a snap of his fingers, the two demons appeared in a different area, the Radio Demon paid close attention to the siren's face as they took in their surroundings. Seeing their eyes sparkle was enough of an answer for him.
"Do we have a deal?", he asked, patiently waiting with his hand outstretched.
"I have some things to add before accepting.", they turned to face him.
"And what are your demands?", he asked after a bit, curious.
"I will sing for you once a week.", the mer said.
"Once a day.", he threw in his own.
Their brows furrowed. "Once a week.", they repeated.
"In order for this deal to work, I need to be able to hear you sing everyday, at least once to let you use your powers as you wish.", he explained.
It was a lie but they didn't need to know that.
"I'd like to be alone when using this space.", they moved on.
"Are the shadows free to roam here? They will be near to help you if anything.", he questioned. "Of course, I will only show myself around here if I need to call on you or emergencies."
"I-. Hm..", they started but then thought more about what he said. "That's fine.. As long as the shadows don't bother me."
"Splendid!", his smile widened.
"And stop trying to scare me.", they said with a frown.
He blinked and laughed.
"Hahaha!", he wiped a tear from his eye. "Is that all?"
They nodded before shaking their head no.
"This deal stays between us. No one else has to know about it.", they said before lifting their hand, ready to shake on it.
"Very well my dear, it's a deal.", he took their hand and completed the deal.
While the familiar green wisps of magic floated around in the air, something came up from the siren's throat and they began to cough. They covered their mouth with their free hand, coughing even more before something glowing yellow came out and into their hand.
"Well, that's new.", was all he said before taking the yellow glowing ball from their hand. "I suppose you wouldn't mind if I kept this half somewhere safe?", he glanced back at them.
They shook their head, holding their throat with a slight pained expression.
"Alright then.", he said and swallowed the glowing ball.
"WHY!?", they said in shock before hissing in pain.
"I'm not going to leave something like this in a box, and the safest place is with me, obviously.", he explained and finally let go of their hand. "Now, try not to speak too much. I can see that taking out half of your voice hurt more than I thought it would."
The mer nodded and rubbed their throat.
.
You didn't expect him to eat it.
That was weird and a little gross. You thought as you rubbed your throat.
"You'll start tomorrow.", he spoke up and started to walk off.
Before thinking it through, you had grabbed the sleeve of his coat.
He looked back and you furrowed your brows as you moved your hand with your index finger up, side to side. (Where?)
"Are you saying no? To what?", he asked.
You rolled your eyes and took his hand, facing his palm up while tracing what you wanted to say with your finger. (Where are you going?)
"To the front of my hotel room of course."
It took you a second to process what the deer demon just said.
HIS WHAT!?
The red dressed demon just grins, and pulls you along with him, walking between the trees and to a spot that is split in half of greenery and a slightly dark room, the only bright source of light coming from the fireplace.
He let you go and opened the hotel door for you. "I'll let you go now, do come by tomorrow. I wish to hear your lovely singing in the morning."
You didn't really hear what he said, just walked out of the room with slight annoyance.
Can't take it back now. I already made the deal. You sighed and walked over to the elevator down the hallway. At least I'll be able to talk to the others a bit.
Maybe this deal wasn't the worst..but he could have told you that the "free open space" was half of his room.
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*vibrating in excitement* It's MerMay 🦀
~Seline, the person.
Part 4
Taglist@
@c4rved-pumpk1n @scary-noodlesblog @stolas-thebirb @naelys-the-aster @biromanticboba @lbcreations-blog @ducky-died-inside @kiraisastay @pooplyface1423 @line-viper @117s-girl @spiderlegsling @alastorsgoldie @repentant-repeller @kcsketches @lofasofabread @kotaleee @im-coolrat @superzombiewho @speckle-meow-meow @jammcookie @dilucragnvindr-my-beloved @trashbin-nie @koioli @fatherlesschild2 @mmik3yy @just-here-reading @nealeart @hudiexiaoying @crystal-multiplefandomlover @glowinggoldfish0 @tiredgamerhere @fluffy-koalala @valenfawkes @willowshadenox @aria-tempest @alastor-simp @nonetheartist @gallantys @i-3at-kidz @luxky-aish @ceafighter @xalygatorx @xangel-8 @big-brother-problems @mistpurpl3 @chewbrry @willowbrookhoot @briethekitsune @+?
(The rest of the taglist is in the comments)
ML I Alastor 🎙️ | OW ChL🦀
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weirdo-fun · 15 hours
Text
What Else Can I Do?
Azriel x Reader - Chapter 1
Hello everyone! This is my first ever fic. I don't know if this will be good at all or people will even like it. This idea has been in my head for a few months and I finally caved and wrote it. This will be a few chapters maybe 3 chapters long? I don't know but I hope you enjoy! Also side note grammar is not my strong suit, so if there are any grammar mistakes please be nice. :)
Summary: Reader ends up geting turned fae and befriends Elain and gets super close with her. But Reader notices Elain gets treated differently, and Reader would like to change that but a certain batboy always gets in her way of trying to help her friend and under her skin.
Word Count: 1.7 K
Warnings: Bickering, slight dislike of inner circle, slight enemies to lovers, fem! reader, reader being sort of a rebel
Author's Note: Was this slightly insipred by "What Else Can I Do?" From Encanto? Maybe... (I do not claim or take credit for the song, all rights for the song go to the respected owners)
Side Note: Azriel will come into the story later I promise.
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“Why do you let them do that to you?” You ask Elain as you sit on in arm chair with both legs draped across one arm of the chair with your back leaning against the other one. The book you were just reading now lay on your chest as you look at Elain who is sitting, a lot more elegantly, on a sofa adjacent to you. You wait for her to answer as you give her a questionable look. 
She sheepishly looks up from her own book. “I don’t mind it. I know they only want whats best for me and to protect me.” You raise an eyebrow at her not entirely believing her. “Yeah, but doesn’t it bother you that they practically tell you what you can and can’t do?” You ask, pushing the conversation more. 
These have been questions you have had for a while. Ever since you and Archeron sisters were thrown into the caldron and turned High Fae, everyone decided, weather subconsciously or not, to keep Elain in this sort of bubble. Treating her as this precious flower that needs all the protection from everyone. You never had any ill will towards Elain, she is a very feminine woman who does tend to be on the more soft spoken side, which is what makes Elain Elain. This is what gravitated you towards Elain and wanting to be her friend. Being a very outspoken and extroverted person you always tended to befriend the more quiet types. It has always been this way since you were a child. The extroverted girl talking and hanging out with the introverts. You don’t know why you subconsciously gravitated to being friends with the quieter crowd when you were the complete opposite. Maybe it gave balance in your life. You being the talker and the other one being the listener. You don’t know why or how but those friendships always worked out when you were mortal. 
That was true until you accidentally, more like breaking a rule, decided to take a stroll in the middle of the night throughout the Archeron estate. You were a newly hired servant and you were too excited for your new job that you couldn’t sleep so you walked around the estate and ended up in the middle of the crossfire of the Archeron sisters, Nesta and Elain, being kidnapped. You of course jumped in to help but ended up being taken as well. 
After being turned and by the grace of the Mother, the Inner Circle allowed you to stay even though you weren’t related to the Archeron’s. You were still turned fae and needed a place to stay. Although the healing process was slow and mostly done on your own you never thought the inner circle was completely bad.  
It wasn’t until Elain finally started to come around and was healing from her trauma when you decided to befriend her. You guys fastly became close. Mostly thanks to you for always seeking her out and wanting to strike up a conversation. From the outside it may have appeared that you kept forcing yourself in her life but Elain wouldn’t turn you away and she would start conversations a good portion of the time. But it was when you guys started to become close that you noticed the treatment that the inner circle gave her. You never said anything in the beginning thinking you were thinking too much into it. But after so many days, and even weeks of the same treatment that you were questioning everything regarding Elain. 
You have questioned Elain about this treatment but she would brush it off saying things like “oh well i don’t see a difference” or “it’s ok Reader they are just being friendly and making sure I am ok.” And you haven’t pushed Elain further until today. 
A certain bat boy got under your skin earlier. And to be frank, he actually has always gotten under your skin when it comes to Elain. He is the master of the “delicate flower treatment” towards Elain. This treatment would be cute if 1) he was courting her, which he isn’t and 2) if it was dialed waaaaay back and the treatments actually respected her as being a true adult woman and not a fragile little girl. 
Azriel, is the bat that gets under your skin. You have tried to be friendly to him but he never talks to you and you never know what he is thinking. His face, although you first thought very handsome when you first met him, is always expressionless and stone cold. You have tried to be civil with him but because of your outspoken and extroverted nature he mostly disagrees with you for the simple fact that he knows you don’t like how he treats Elain. You have confronted him before about the matter in a friendly way but he shut you out and blew you off saying how you don’t know anything about what Elain has gone through and you don’t know whats best for her. The whole interaction left your relationship with him strained. And since then both you and Azriel have been on opposite sides on everything. Both wanting to challenge each other and win; never seeing eye to eye.  
Elain sheepishly shrugs. “I don’t think they really do-.” “Girl, no they do.” You interrupt her sternly. She looks at the ground and her posture slouches a little and you can tell that she knows your right. That her sister, with Cassian, and especially Azriel treat her as a fragile little princess. That anything can break her. But she survived the Caldron, she survived her trauma from it. You know she is a strong woman and you try to show her that; try to show the inner circle that. “You know I am right.” You say in a firm way as you swing your legs from on top of the arm rest to sitting right in the chair with your feet on the ground and back straight. She looks at you with innocent and confused eyes. “Well, I don’t know what to say to them when they tell me what I can and can’t do. I just agree because I don’t want to create conflict with them.” She softens her tone at the end, getting shy and embarrassed. “But is that what you want?” You ask her straight in the eye. “To keep agreeing with whatever they say and tell you how to live your life? To not have an opinion or a say? Is that what you want?” You ask in a calm yet concerned manner. “Well, it’s just that-” “Is that what you want?” “Well no but-” “Is that what you want?!” “I can’t just-” “ELAIN! Is that what you want?!” You yell for a third time. Wanting to hear her true feelings, her true thoughts and opinions on the matter. With no bullcrap excuse about how she won’t mind for stupid reasons. And no running away from this conversation. 
“No.” She speaks so softly that you don’t hear it. “What?” You ask leaning into her to hear what she said. “No” Elain says. You hear it this time, but her head is down and her hair is fell in front of her face, not being able to see her. “Elain what did you say? I can’t hear you?” You lie to her to try and get her to voice her opinion louder and to lift her head up and say it more confidently. She slowly lifts her head, straightens her back and looks at you with truthful eyes. “No. That is not what I want.” She says without her voice wavering. “I would like to go out shopping when I want to go. I would like for them to tell me things straight up and stop carefully stepping around eggshells thinking I won’t be able to handle it, that I might break.” 
You smile at her. Proud that she was finally able to say what she was feeling out loud. You walk over to her and pull her up to stand and give her a hug. “That is all I wanted to hear you say.” You look at her proudly holding onto her upper arms. “But, I still don’t know how to tell that to them. You know it’s hard for me to voice my opinion.” You shake your head. “We will take this one step at a time. Step one was to get you to voice out loud to me what you actually want. And we did that, so congratulations.” You tease as you walk back over to the arm chair you were sitting at to pick up the book you were reading. “Well then what’s the next step?” Elain asks curiously. You smirk and turn towards her. She sees the smirk on your face knowing you are already planning something. Her eyes widen in concern because every time you had a plan it would always get you in trouble and Azriel would always be the one to scold you. But you keep doing these “plans” because you didn’t care what Azriel was going to tell you.
“Remember when you told me that you thought my power could do so much more, than make pretty plants and flowers?” You ask as you create just a simple pink rose on your hand. “Yes.” She nods, not knowing where this conversations was going. You smile, “Well, I have been secretly trying to practice to create new things but it’s hard when just in the confines on my room.” You hand her the pink rose that you just created. “Why don’t we take a walk through the forest. And maybe along our walk I try to practice without the worry of the inner circles eyes and ears.” You ask sheepishly. “Look I know this is supposed to be about you but I would just like to be with my favorite person in the forest exploring my power more without judging eyes.” You plead. Elain nods and gives a small smile. “Thank you Reader for wanting to help me. And if helping me also includes me being able to see your power that I am super jealous of by the way, then yes.” You smile at her, grab her hand and both of you guys start to giggle like little girls as you guys walk out of the living area planning to “sneak out”. 
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That is it for Chapter 1! Did I also give Reader Isabela's powers?...Read the next chapter to find out! I am already thinking about chapter 2 and I promise Azriel and Reader will be interacting with each but I was setting everything up until then. But chapter 2 may take me while to publish because I am getting ready for my vacation but depending on how people react to this I may be motivated to publish it sooner. ;) Please if you have feedback leave a comment because I would love to read them. Thank you so much for reading and if you made it this far. Until next time, take care everyone!
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