"So, you're losing interest?" A question that echoes through my thoughts, stirring a sense of familiarity. Interest, much like a pen, has a way of losing.
Imagine a pen, gracefully gliding across the canvas of paper. Without its touch, the paper remains untouched, longing for the strokes of inspiration. In the same way, without interest, our hearts yearn for the vibrant colors of affection.
Thus, it is not the fear of losing interest that we should carry, but rather the understanding that, like a pen, our interest is a tool designed to create, to impart value, to bring about change. And just as a pen can be refilled, so too can our interest be rekindled, breathing new life into our passions and the people we hold dear.
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Tell me about it
When we're left to ourselves and only to a tiny flame that holds hope.
Tell me what do you say and how much eagerness you put into words.
Tell me the fun of it, the anguish u endure because of it, the aching terror u feel when ur only bound to it.
whenever you're alone
whenever you're locked in your tiny corner, your comfort zone.
Tell me the spilling memories you get
tell me the emotions behind it
tell me you know how to keep your lows a secret
and tell me how to shout opinions.
Just talk it out and let it boils like a volcano inside of you that's building pressure to explode.
I never wondered what it's like to love without loving.
Like your love is swinging between you and you and no one else can tell you have it even if you deeply do like a bullet buried just to the bottom.
And you can't show it
at least without releasing shame coming up with it.
And you wish to throw it, toss it into the unknown
like it was never born.
Tho you can tell me about the age crisis and the consistent flow of worries.
Or you can tell me nonsense and i could keep my ears open and absorb it.
Or you can not tell me, telling me what you exactly wished i would know.
But it you choose to tell me, not telling me, like a made up language for those who refuses words, then you have translated it all.
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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
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The right person will love you the way you deserve.
They're flawed and imperfect but they will always strive to give you the best they have. Love with them is not perfect yet it will feel so right. There is comfortable silence when both of you are together. You find yourself able to open up to them; from your most painful memories to things you have never told anyone.
With the right person, love is effortless and you don't have to try too hard. You can tell them anything under the sun and the conversation flows naturally. There is open communication instead of game and deceit. It doesn't matter what you do or where you go because being with them feels like home. You're keen to go through life with them.
Love allows you to embrace yourself. It inspires you to grow to a better version of yourself. With the right person, you're comfortable being yourself. You don't feel like you're competing for their time or their affection. With them, love is mutual and both of you always choose each other. No matter the obstacles that loom ahead or the uncertainties that lurk in the dark, both of you remain committed and faithful to each other.
The best part is that you will find the one you deserve without having to chase for it.
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