#they will also invite Steph and Kate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vodrae · 8 months

Text

DC Comics highschool AU where Bruce 18 and Harvey 18 are the golden twins (lovers) of the football team, but after an injury, Harvey is replaced with that nerd from smallville who's in the school's newspaper, and he's able to make Bruce cheer too !

Grrr

So Harvey's integrating the cheerleaders (and debate) team to stay close of the field and his mentor is the girl rumoured to be the great grandgirl of the last Chinese Emperor Talia Al-Ghul.

In this AU, there is an unofficial club of heavily mentally scarred gothamite kids, you know who i'm talking about, and they have been adopted by the Golden Twins (lovers), so better not mess with them.

Everybody knows Dick 17 , he has to settle down in Gotham when his parents died and social services were looking for a solution, Alfred Pennyworth took him in, he was there with Bruce that night. Captain of the gymnastic team, no enemy guy, the only one able to shine brighter than Harvey. Someone tried to mess with his girlfriend once, Kori Anders, apparently he also learnt muay thai on the road.

Jason Todd 16 , Stephanie Brown 15 , Duke Thomas 14, Harper 16 and Cullen Row 14 can't and won't deny coming from Park Row, sorry, crime alley, Duke is actually from Bristol, but you know, nuances are too complicated. They met each other in foster system and Dick too.

One day, when the orphanage was running very low on money, Jason appeared with multiple bags of food. The others thought he was joking when he said he stole the 4 wheels of the mayor's Bentley, when he, Jacob Kane, came with the police they weren't joking so much.

Long story short, they are Kane's wards now, it's was a package deal.

Jay and Duke are making the glorious hours of writing club, Jason would like theater and Duke chemical but Jacob made them pick a sport, Jason was kind of forced to go to the football defensive team, (Jake didn't digest the L against Metropolis in 86) and Duke for the running team. As fast as light.

Steph is Lois Lane's right hand for the school's newspaper, she's running their social medias with great sucess and is the head of gossip departement. Clark is the left hand for the investigation departement. She won against Jason, Harvey, Clark and others *wink wink* the biggest eater contest. She's now a subject for the quantum physics club.

Harper leads the electronics club, the school still remembers when her dog sized spider drone was unleashed. She's also in the kickboxing club.

Cullen is vibing in the theater and art club.

Kate Kane 18 can't stand all the dumbasses above but if she has a dream where you are glaring at them she will break your knees. Her father wanted her to do ballet, she's doing music and kickboxing. Bullying is her love langage.

Tim Drake 15 is a little genius coming in HS at 12, a unique feat until a certain someone from middle east came to school... He's driving Edward Nygma insane by solving all his riddles, photography and and electronic club. His parents are rich but always absent. 7 years ago, Alfred invited him for thanksgiving, never really left since.

Damian Al-Ghul 13 and Cassandra Wu-San 16 are cousins, they are not related but their family have known each other forever and Cass was there the day the demon spawned. Damian is Dusan's Al-Ghul son, who's 30 years older than his little sister Talia, the two are really too much well trained in martial field to be normal. Damian's is leading the escrima club.

Cass, despite being mute, is leading kickboxing club, noboby ever won a round against her. In the entire country. Except for her big sister Sandra Wu-San, also known in professional wrestling as Lady Shiva, who could give her a draw. Also she can't use technology to save her life.

The Wu-San are the adopted daughters of Dinah Drake (second cousin of Tim) and Ted Grant, a former world heavyweight boxing champion and a professional wrestler known as Wildcat. Together they have a bio daughter, Dinah Jr Laurel Drake-Grant.

A girl, Selina Kyle 18 claims she's not related to them but still has a permanent room in their house if she wants to come. Teddy met Jacob Kane in the army and were deployed in middle east together, he found his girls in some destroyed village in the Middle East and resigned right after.

Talia and Damian are from one of the oldest Asian family, and very old money. Some argues that was their family who created the first philosopher's stone. Their grandpa being the only person on Earth from the XIX century still alive is not helping. Ras wife's family helped the Americans in the Middle East that how he met Ted and Jacob.

Talia 18 is in the cheerleading club because of her HUUUUUUUGE crush on Bruce Wayne, best grades ever everywhere. Wants to become a vet.

Nyssa 17 Al-Ghul is in the kickboxing club and write her secret stuff just for her.

Barbara Gordon 17 is the daughter of the commissionner, someone shot her, she's paralysed. She's the captain of wheelchair basketball and in the electronics. She's a godess at armwrestling. For real she's an hydraulic press. She's really close of Dick Grayson and maybe she has adopted Steph, Cass, Harper as hers. Her own pose in school is with Dinah Laurel and Helena Bertinelli.

She's very competitive and will take very badly if Tim is just behind her again at the Olympics of hacking this year.

Diana 18 (who is at least as tall as Clark, i'm right on this) is leading the wrestling team and history club, she's a exchange student from Greece from a monastry where men are forbidden as a diplomatic move with her sisters. (in reality the opposite exists, for real). Her accent makes every boys and girls fall for her. She has a very strong sens of justice. One day she saw Bruce and Clark, not even talking together and..."Your mine now ! We're having tacos tonight !" They knew they couldn't negotiate.

Ollie Queen 18, everybody knows he will go to a board school one of the four (three) true childhood friends of Bruce Wayne. Captain of the archery team. Came with his own crew, all in the team. Desperatly in love with Dinah Jr.

Zatanna Zatara 18, her father was a close friend of Thomas Wayne, she's on a very good way to become a magician herself. One of the four (three) true childhood friends of Bruce Wayne. Leads theater club.

Hal Jordan 18, wants to become a jet fighter, obsessed with construction games. Mathematic club and running team.

Kendra Saunders 18, also known as Hawkgirl, because the week-end she's doing BASE Jump.

John Jones 18 and his half-sister Megan Morse 17, they are refugees from oversea after a coup. They love the special effects in movies and theaters so they are is this club. They came with

Kori Anders 17, princess in exile of Tamara, she's a really sweet girl so the school asked their sweetest student to guide her through her new life : Dick Grayson. Nobody knows how she mastered english in so little time. She had troubles with the differencies beetween the two countries. Everyone's favourite. Hurting, even a little Kori is declaring war to the whole school. She's also taller than anybody and very muscular. She kinda adopted Jason ?

Rachel Roth 14, is the daughter of the King of Azaroth, nobody really knows where it is. She's in the meditation and spiritual club. The only one allowed to hug, kiss, and touch her is Kori. The constant barking with Damian Al-Ghul can't only be hatred.

Donna Troy 17, Cassie Sandmarks 15 and Artemis Grace 16, they came with Diana. They all had a "Oh my god, he's so pathetic, I love him." With a Gotham Boy. They are all very tall and strong and in the weightlifting club.

Clark 18 and Jon 14 come from Smallville and are, 1) the sweetest guys ever, 2) fucking STRONG, there is a video on the differents groupchats of them, lifting the school gargoyle after a storm. Maybe farm strenght isn't the only explanation.

Kon 15 and Bizz 14 are from metropolis, Ma Kent's sister married Papa Luthor and they had Lex and then one rebelious and one albino with a speach impeachement, who is also the size of a polar bear. But, beware, Bizz is Jason Todd and Artemis love child. They haven't really figured yet what they want to do. Bizz is in special class with Cassandra Wu-San so you can regulary see her on his back giggling.

Linda 17 and Karen 18 kent, cousins of Clark by Pa Kent came back in town a few years ago after they lived their whole life in California. Linda is in the well-being club and liked by everyone. Karen is more on the amazonians side of the force and can't help herself but have homoerotic sparring with any strong woman on sight.

Dinah Jr Laurel Drake-Grant 18 embrassed her mom legacy and already took the mantle of Black Canary and can already put stages on fire. Her perfect figure must not makes you forget that she can beat your ass in seconds because she's in the kickboxing club too. Probably why Ollie is so in love. If you ask her if she's single, she would either tell you to fuck off if dhe doesn't like you or tell you she's already married with further explanation. (Could be either the stage, or Barbs and Helena).

Roy Harper 17 is in the archery team and music club with Dinah, nobody can sing the country and blues like him. He kinda adopted Jay with Kori too. Him and Jay made a pact to quit alcohol and drugs after they had a bad trip together on a joint in the toilet at a party together.

Lian Harper 14 is his little sister and will stay single until she's 30, at least. Well, everyone on the Arrow Team would like that. She loves hanging out with Dick and the others. Archery team too.

(I don't actually quite know a thing on the rest of the team, but they are there and well.)

The Allens all have their buddies too and are putting the race tracks on fire. Their father Jay Garrick holds multiple records of speed and gold medals. But not for long to his hapinness.

The Curry family comes from the islands in pacific ocean and are setting new records every years in swimming competition. They are all in bio courses to study marine life.

Harley Quinn 18 went in school with Bruce after his parent's murder, saw him sad, and never left him. One of the four (three) true childhood friend. She won't follow any rules but she's not a bad person. Wants to help everyone with their mental health, got a pretty big tik tok account and instagram on this topic. Her ex boyfriend, Jack, made her do bad things. But her (girl)friends Pamela, Selina and Bruce and a few others (all the people above) quickly talked to him. (Alfred signed a 100 000 dollars check for surgery)

Pamela Isley 18 leads the botanic club, she doesn't like people, like at all, would talk to grass but not you, she only started to like her figure when Harley couldn't stop ranting about her "water melon boobies" and "starship butt" in PE's locker room . Anybody else would be dead, but...It was Harley ? And Selina was laughing her ass off.

Selina Kyle 18, aka Catgirl because she's always wearing stuff with cat, her bagpack, cat ears, cat make up. She has a super model walk and won't accept shit from anyone. She wants to be a vet with Talia.

Jack Napier : still in the coma. AKA Joker, a nickname gained in jail for minors.

Thomas Eliott 18, the minus one true childhood friends of Bruce Wayne, wants him dead. Jealous that he had his inheritance before him.

(I spent 4 hours on this. Why ? BECAUSE I'M BATFAN)

33 notes · View notes

bizbat · 1 year

Text

♡♡♡WEIRD BATFAM HCS ~ 2♡♡♡

~ Just the batfam, no reader mention

~ You can find more of my works here

♡Yk those candy krabby patties♡

♡Stephanie and Dick are 4 sure lettuce stans♡

♡Cass likes the patty♡

♡Duke and Tim eat the whole thing in one bite♡

♡Damien eats it one piece at a time from top to bottom♡

♡Only like four of them have ever watched a single episode of spongebob in their lives♡

♡feel free to guess which ones, there are right and wrong answers♡

♡Bruce does yoga♡

♡And he will wear the tightest, sluttiest leggings too♡

♡Tim used to hiss at people unironically ♡

♡Damien also used to, then Bruce told him Tim used to as well♡

♡He don't do that no more♡

♡Cass, Steph and Duke have slightly crooked teeth, nothing too far but noticeable at a second glance♡

♡You think it's super cute and unique♡

♡Steph used to have braces but she didn't wear her retainer♡

♡Tim has mad fillings from cavities♡

♡Selina and Kate usually have some decorum, but they aint afraid to get into a full fist fight w a child (Damien)♡

♡Kate def had a crush when yall first met♡

♡She lowkey probably had a hey mamas faze but it didn't last too long (🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽)♡

♡Jason listens to the grimiest, most underground rap/ hip hop you've ever heard in ur life♡

♡It's not even good underground, and it's always mad loud♡

♡Tim and Jason have really bad senses of smell♡

♡Tim is obsessed with gacha games and otomes♡

♡Stephanie can burp the loudest in the entire batfam♡

♡Can prob burb the abc's♡

♡Minhkhoa shows up to every holiday dinner just to take home plate and flirt w you and Bruce for a half hour♡

♡He's always invited but acts like he's not smh♡

♡Stupid sexy man ughh♡

51 notes · View notes

ms-nesbit · 1 year

Text

batfamily headcanons for the masses:

bruce has a compartment full of reese's pieces. he started packing them for dick, but just never stopped.

tim prefers monster energy to coffee, but tells nobody

cass has a costco membership she shares w steph

duke invites jason over whenever he wants to listen to a new album. one of his favorite moments w j was when they listened to kendrick's latest album

similarly, steph and damian bond over animals. they broke into the gotham zoo to observe the baby orangutan, and are now friends w most of the on-campus zoologists

when kate came out to bruce, he was unphased; the next day, however, kate spotted a pride flag on the top of wayne manor

jasons love language is food

when he accidentally made cass cry, he prepped kimbap, which she never tried before, and horchata

after a rough breakup w starfire that left dick torn, jay made a week's worth of meals for him (dick's fav was baklava)

tim takes bubble baths w crayola bath boms

kate convinced damian that if he lied, he would shrink. every time she caught him in a lie, she would run his clothes on warm only so they'd shrink

HE FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT

cass loves the winter for some reason

duke is the biggest hopeless romantic

he also loves the pokemon games (and refuses to elaborate)

jason developed mild feelings for a woman he met while on patrol

but when he was going to ask her out, she disappeared (aka moved to the west coast)

and Big Sis Dick came to the rescue with funnies and funyuns

cass is the only person steph allows to see her cry

dick is a nudist

no no no, not sexual or anything - homie just feels free without clothes

and babs was the first to discover this

she also comments positively on tims skateboarding tiktok (under the name @fkr33ding)

and has everyones respect

38 notes · View notes

shutth3puckup · 1 month

Note

How many bachelorette parties has Lauren had since her engagement? I feel like she has one every 3 months.

So, one was a wag one that all the wags would have been invited too. Then this one appears to be more the wags who are her close friends.

Steph did something similar. I feel like Kate did too.

She’s also had a couple weekends in Ny while looking for her dress, but those weren’t bachelorette parties. And if she hasn’t already, she’ll have a wag bridal shower and then another one or two

#l. kyle

2 notes · View notes

summerof336bc · 2 years

Note

Im not even really a dc guy but I wholeheartedly agree w you ab Bruce being transfemme that's such a good hc

Tell me ab your other hcs you mentioned :0) ?

[id: a tumblr ask from t4tbruharvey that reads "dc trans headcanons...... i wanna hear them so badly"/end id]

FIRSTLY yes transfem bruce believers :-) it IS a good hc

speaking of. transfem 'trans but the other way' hcs !! bruce & jason are both transfem & in denial but jason moreso. instead of coming out the rare time b did an interview it used she/her pronouns & everyone was like 'alright then'. i think they would both change their names but im still working on that. damian is a trans girl & instead of changing her name by herself like a normal person she sits bruce & talia down & goes 'okay you two. i'm not doing this you are picking my name for me. no objections'. they settle on maryam. garfield lynns is very transfem to me too. they dont change their name she thinks its funny. jenna invites her to the c-listers 'evil womens club'. joey & kon are also both transfem i dont have anything to expand on there. they just Are. garth is transfem he just doesnt know it yet

okay now its transmasc 'trans but the other way'! stephanie is a trans guy & he just shortens his name to steph. they already get called steph all the time anyways so they thought it fit. selina is genderfluid & transmasc and when asked about xyr gender selina says hes 'like vaguely a dude'. he/she/xe selina for the win. kate is a woman but also transmasc <3. shes a lesbian with a cool gender okay. cassie is a trans guy & honestly probably doesnt change his name. when asked if his name if his name is a girl names cassie goes 'no actually its a guys name. everyones been lying to you'. raven is definetely partily a guy. after joey comes out kole is like 'Wait. im a dude'. kole is a she/her kind of guy

okay some more like. general trans hcs! dick is genderqueer. ae keep aer name because ae think its hilarious. also i think after dick comes out it leads to a whole domino effect of 'bats realizing theyre trans'. when asked about their gender, tim simply states 'im too tired for that'. wallys definetely got something going on with his gender. not sure what but hes not cis. hal has some tboy swag for sure. i once described oswald as 'a man who is also a girl' & im right about that. none of the aliens are cis they don't have a concept of human gender. clark is used to being referred to as a guy but won't correct anyone if they refer to him as something else. clark thinks it sort of relieving. no pronouns kori. its like that meme ... 'but my name is koriand'r'. & then i think mostly everyone else is trans i just have already typed a lot. theres probably only a handful of people i think are cis

#ask away #THANK YOU FOR THE ASK THIS WAS SO FUN TO TYPE OUT.#im very tired now but like. THIS WAS FUN. glad to share my hcs when i can #dc #im not tagging all that.

7 notes · View notes

ka-tamingoftheshrew-ba · 3 years

Text

DC, I’m begging you:

- Give us a Batfam animated series that follows them all in their day and night lives. Can it be ‘gritty’ or whatever words you like to use to describe those New Jersey bat/bird furries while fighting crime.

- But also just give us Dick driving Damian to school and Jason insisting he tags along just to embarrass the kid at drop off/pick up.

-Give us Tim with the biggest fucking bags under his eyes deadpanning while Dick teaches Damian how to hang from the chandelier while Alfred is hitting them with a fucking feather duster trying to get them down.

-Give me Jason and Cass talking about classic lit completely unfazed while Damian chases Tim around the manor with his katanas.

-Give me Steph threatening to eat Batcow when Damian makes fun of her.

-Give me Bruce getting scolded by everyone when he puts his feet up on the coffee table despite it being “my own damn house.”

-Give me Alfred having the week off and Bruce goes shopping and Duke decides to tag alone because he is convinced Bruce is going to make a fool of himself after they had this exact conversation:

- Give me Babs, Steph, Kate and Cass having a girls night and all the brothers get jealous and try to sabotage it but the girls are always one step ahead and by the end of it they invite everyone in to hang with them. Dick and Jason painting each others nails the most garish colors they can find, Damian eating the cucumbers off of Tim’s eyes just to piss him off, and Babs, Steph, Cass, and Kate immediately regretting inviting them to join. Duke was invited from the get go to hang with them but declined to go patrol because “the goons are less crazy than y’all I stg.”

- Give me a halloween special where Dick enters a nightwing costume contest and comes in 2nd place because “while your costume is pretty spot on, you just don’t have nightwing’s ass.” He was fine with this until he finds out the winner was Jason and has an identity crisis over whether or not he has the best ass in the family. Jason proudly puts his little trophy on the mantle for Dick to see every time he comes to the manor.

- Give me Tim getting angry at Jason and every time Jason tries to talk to him he pretends Jason is dead again. “God, it’s like I can still hear his voice.” “Dickhead, tell Tim to stop. I’m the only Robin who can make dead jokes.” “I died too, Jay.” “Shut up, Dick. You died for like 2 minutes before Luther revived you and then lied to us about being dead.” “...” “Todd, you buffoon, I died too.” “Fuck off, demon.”

- For the love god, give me an episode where they all have to go to a gala and all the shenanigans that ensue while they’re there and Bruce just looks utterly exhausted.

- Jason Todd is still technically ‘dead’ but decides to go to the gala anyways and at one point Dick pulls him to the dance floor as a joke but the media has a fucking field day thinking Dick has this mysterious boyfriend and Bruce has to pull some press conference bullshit where they’re like “.... Dick isn’t dating that man. It would be weird considering that’s my dead son Jason.” And Jason, instead of taking any of the questions or telling the doctored story of why he isn’t dead, just adds on “Yeah, why would I date Dickface? Have you seen him? He’s a man whore, I need someone loyal. And preferably not related.”

- Give me Dick keeping a scrapbook of all the patrols him and Damian went on where there are pictures of Damian labeled things like “Robin’s first joker venom ❤️” and it’s Damian glaring under a ventilator mask or whatever looking eerily like Bruce.

- Give me a beach episode where they never actually get to the beach because this whole family, for being known for being prepared for anything and everything, apparently does not know how to pack for free time. Bruce tries to bring the shark repellant and Cass just face palms while wearing the widest brimmed sun hat known to man.

- Give Steph and Dick interrogating potential perps vis a vis this scene in B99

- Give me an episode where Bruce is on patrol being a little too rough and gruesome (even for him) and pushing everyone away and it takes the entire family to pull him off of someone who they assumed did something particularly nefarious but when they finally pull him back they see it’s a petty thief clutching a string of pearls and they all decide to bench Bruce. They all force Bruce to go home for the night and stay with him and watch a movie. Bruce puts on The Mask of Zorro and when all the kids look uneasy, he goes on to say “This is the last happy memory I had with them... ___ years ago today.” And it all comes crashing down on them why he was so adamant on the jewelry thief with the pearls today of all days.

- Honestly this is just my tl;dr way of saying “DC, let me be in the writing room for an animated series surrounding the Batfam”

3K notes · View notes

jasontoddsguns · 2 years

Text

Thanksgiving at the Waynes

Attendees: Alfred, Bruce, Kate, Selina, Dick, Cass, Jason, Steph (and her mother), Tim, Duke, Damian and his multitudes of pets.

Invited, but didn’t/couldn’t attend: Barbara, Julia Pennyworth, Harper and Cullen, Bernard, Entirety of the Kents, and Talia.

Head chef: Alfred (duh)

Main helpers, allowed to cook without supervision: Jason and Steph

Side helpers, allowed to help with ingredients and some cooking, but need to be supervised: Duke and Damian.

Lurkers who watch and occasionally steal food: Cass and Selina

Banned from them kitchen: Tim, Dick, and Bruce

Isn’t banned from cooking, but doesn’t feel like cooking: Kate

Is attending another thanksgiving, but will probably drop by to steal leftovers: Barbara, Cullen and Bernard

Favorite Dishes:

Alfred - Greenbean casserole

Bruce - Turkey

Selina - Stuffing (with lotssss of gravy)

Kate - Sweet Potato casserole

Dick - Candied Yams

Cass - Cranberry Sauce

Jason - Stuffing

Steph - Rolls

Tim - Mashed potatoes

Duke - Turkey

Damian - Mashed potatoes (refuses to admit it because he knows Tim also likes them)

What they are thankful for:

Alfred - That all his grandkids are here.

Bruce - That none of his kids are currently dead.

Selina - The ridiculous amount of money she just stole from Lex Luther.

Kate - That she was able to accidentally find and then beat the shit out of the Joker, during the drive to Gotham.

Dick - For his family (Jason, Steph, and Tim all stared making groaning noises in response to this.)

Cass - (she just points at Steph. Steph high-fives her in response)

Jason - That Kate beat the shit out of the Joker.

Steph - That she assaulted Tim with a brick so many years ago, because now she has a new family/team thingy. (Stephanie’s mom is thankful for the life her daughter was able to make for herself.)

Tim - That all of his friends are no longer dead.

Duke - That he was able to find family in crisis.

Damian - His pets.

Other Shenanigans

Everyone (other than Alfred and Stephanie’s mother) decided to play a round of football. The game caused numerous bruises, sprains, and even one broken toe.

Steph gave Cass a friendship bracelet that had a bunch of charms. The charms include: a heart that says “best sister ever!”, a classic bat symbol, Chibi batgirls (Steph and Cass), a ballerina shoe, and purple eggplant.

Damian fell asleep on the couch snuggled with Tim. Dick took many photos for blackmail memories.

Jason was able to haggle Martha Kent’s pie recipe from the woman herself. No-one knows how he did it and he refuses to tell. Tim suspects that that Jasons going to kill Lex Luther for her.

#dc #batfam #jason todd #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #cassandra cain #duke thomas #damain wayne #selina kyle #kate kane #alfred pennyworth #thanksgiving #other minor character mentions

338 notes · View notes

hintofelation99 · 2 years

Note

Since Thanksgiving is coming up soon how about the fam gets force invited to dinner by some random relatives who they don't talk to and it ends up a battle of the the two families trying to show each other up and it ends in a fire and tears.

It’s been a good minute since I got this (I’ve been rlly busy with moving and preparing for the holidays so I’ve mostly doing text posts bc those are super quick) but I do adore this. As someone who’s from a loud, chaotic, and at times even shameless, southern (US) family I’ve seen some pretty wild thanksgivings. From my sisters hair catching on fire to my aunt yelling ‘fuck’ as she accidentally throws a ketchup bottle across the room, it can be a lot. And I’d imagine that’d only be amplified for the bats.

They’d probably invite over the full family. Like obviously Bruce and Alfred would be there. And the five Robins (I will always count Duke as a robin even if canon doesn’t, and yes Ik leading the ‘we are robin’ movement is different but shush he’s earned it). And the batgirls. Of course Kate will come and she’ll bring Reneé. No matter what terms Bruce and Selina are on, Selina always goes to support her kids (she will fight anyone who says they aren’t hers). And since Reneé and Selina come the other partners are coming. In my mind this means Wally, Roy, and Kon. Kon is dropped of by Clark, who relents to Jon’s constant begging and ends up staying for an hour with his sons. Bart runs over a few times, each time Barry is close behind making him leave. Cassie and Cissie drop by for a bit, and are later picked up by Diana, Oliver, and Dinah. Oliver and Dinah leave with Cissie after chatting for a bit. Diana and Cassie end up staying (because Jason has surprisingly good puppy dog eyes). And Donna ends up coming. Dick decides to invite his new friend Lucas (aka Midnighter) who of course brings Andrew (aka Apollo). They also invite Zatanna who brings Constantine (he, Jason, and Roy get along like fire and gasoline). Harley and Ivy show up, both invited by one of the Robins, which one is still up for debate. And honestly the guests keep coming. All in civvies and all in high spirits. It’s chaotic but somehow manageable. That is until Bruce’s extended family arrives. That’s when suddenly all of the ‘I am a hero who regularly saves the world’ turns into ‘oh fuck gotta be normal’.

The first ‘error’ comes when Constantine tries to talk about his love life with Bruce’s usually quiet great, great aunt Hilda. Because apparently Hilda has interesting responses to things like “he was a real shark in the sheets” and “you can only imagine the hate sex you have after the demon you sent to hell gets out”. That response being “You think that’s intense? Have you ever bought an entire cruise ship and 200 pounds of cake for your book club?” (Constantine later joins that book club). That night Bruce learns that sweet aunt Hilda has rather unique interests.

The second ‘error’ is leaving Steph and Tim in charge of the younger cousins. Because they end up starting a cult. On accident of course.

‘Error’ number 3 is letting Lucas and Clark speak to great uncle Joey who is apparently homophobic. That ends in Lucas locking Joey in a closet. According to Lucas it’s symbolic, Andrew says it’s childish but still supports his partner.

‘Error’ 4 is letting Bart speak to the oldest family member, Aunt Edna. She ends up adoring Bart and giving him tons of cookies, this leads to a speedster on a sugar high. Kon and Cassie spend most of their day trying to keep Barts identity a secret, they ask Tim for help but he’s busy leading his new followers. Edna quickly realizes that Bart is a speedster but she doesn’t care/say anything, she finds him adorable.

‘Error’ 5 is leaving Jason and Diana unsupervised. They create an hour long PowerPoint on the Odyssey. A PowerPoint that they present before dinner.

But the biggest error is not locking up Damian’s sword. The sword that he and Jon use to play a blood pressure raising game of sword tag with and that they use to cut everything. At one point they even use it to cut butter. Bruce is not amused. Jon is very amused.

161 notes · View notes

danny-chase · 3 years

Text

Unasked for Batfam Headcanons

Because I have no impulse control.

The dead robin club ended because people kept joining. At first it was Jason and Steph's inside joke and then Damian and Dick died and it took the fun out of it. Also they always felt bad for excluding Cass (as she wasn't a Robin but Shiva has canonically killed her twice) because Cass is a part of the family dammit.

For this reason, groups that formed after the dead robins club also fall a bit flat. Dick once made a joke about him and Bruce being in amnesia club and everyone proceeded to collectively lose their minds because no one wanted to be next.

Now they just hang out and call it a girl's night (literally even when it's just the boys). It started as actual girl's nights led by Barbara that various boys would crash and then they just kept the name when hanging out with literally any family member(s).

Tim: oh sorry Steph, I'm hanging out with Jason and Dick for a girl's night.

Steph: that's okay, I'll be content to have Cass and Damian for our girl's night then.

Girl's eventually becomes code for, we're going to sit in the bathroom and have mental breakdowns together.

Bruce does not understand girl's night reference, but he has painted both Cass's and Steph's nails while ranting about the JLA sooooo

Dick and Tim organize a family bonding camping trip to mirror team bonding they did with the teen titans and young justice

It goes suprisingly well and becomes a yearly family tradition

Alfred gets the weekend for vacation because Bruce is a competent adult when he's in the wilderness - he can cook anywhere but an actual kitchen

Mostly because he takes directions extremely literally (not even going to lie, this is something I did), for example the first time he was asked to microwave a can of soup, he didn't take the soup out of the can. And of course if you nearly blow up the microwave once, no one lets you near it again.

Who ever taught Bruce how to forage for food in the wildlife just showed him how it was done and pointed out the specific visual cues.

Meanwhile an 8 year old Dick just asked him to microwave a can of soup. And Bruce did what he was told.

In other news, they learned after the first year that no one is sharing a tent with anyone.

Sleeping with your siblings is fun and games until someone has a nightmare (which is unfortunately common in the family).

They also learned Duke can make campfires look absolutely wild through manipulating the light.

They literally just stared at a fire for 3 hrs while he messed around.

Duke was then invited to the titans and young justices campouts because Dick and Tim were like omg Wally and Bart need this in their lives.

This does in fact spiral out of control, and random heroes that Duke has never met know him as the fire kid.

Oh and not like earth heroes - they know who Duke is. I'm talking like light years away some random alien hero found out through the grape vine that Starfire's ex-boyfriends adopted but not adopted yet brother can do crazy shit with a bag of twigs and a lighter.

Other club names that got shut down: killed then revived by the same person club, evil family lineage club, mind controlled club, tortured by loa club, Lazarus pit club (fun facts would currently have Jason, Cass, and Kate if you go with everything's canon), killed a person who was later resuscitated club, turned into a tentacle monster club, and many many more cor the short period of time they tried to figure out which traumas they shared with certain members (it was actually very short because no one was willing to share anything about themselves that wasn't common knowledge).

#did i make this post mostly because i feel like the dead robin club is gate keeping #because making a Robin only club excludes Cass for no reason and that just feels kinda mean to me #and like gate keeping trauma isn't really healthy #and then i was like lets lighten this up with camping #because if you like the dead robins club that's okay too we probably just have different head canons on the traits of the characters #anyways no one asked for this mess of a post but here it is #batfam #dick grayson #batman #batfamily #dc comics #cassandra cain #jason todd #barbara gordon #tim drake #duke thomas #damian wayne #bruce wayne

271 notes · View notes

incorrectbatfam · 2 years

Note

Things that would happen at Bruce and Selina’s wedding (everything gone right, wrong, and just plain funny)

They took their pre-wedding photos on top of a skyscraper with Tim as their photographer, but when he backed up to get a wider shot he fell over the railing and Dick had to grapple down and catch him while wearing a tuxedo

Steph collaborated with the cake decorators to go all out, including Bruce and Selina's while journey drawn in frosting and sparklers on top... in Spoiler colors

Damian and Jon were playing hide-and-seek with Billy Batson and Lucy Quinn during the reception and no one could find the boys, so a mass search with vigilantes and police officers alike ensued. It took an hour, but finally they were found when the theater called Bruce to let him know they tried to sneak into an R-rated movie

Bruce showed up to the wrong venue

While trying to get some one-on-one time at the bachelorette party, Harley and Ivy locked themselves in a hotel supply closet and the only person with the tools to get them out was the stripper firefighter with a pink crowbar

Dinah caught the bouquet and immediately threw it to Kate saying, "I'm already married!"

When repeating his vows, Bruce accidentally said, "I, Clark Kent"

Also during the vows, Clark's phone went off playing Cotton-Eye Joe and Bruce just slowly clapped and said, "My best man, everyone"

One more vow mishap: Roy tried to start the wave

Dick ripped his pants doing a somersault from the chandelier

Bud chewed up Holly Robinson's shoes and she had to wear flip-flops

Damian adopted a coyote puppy he found digging through the trash

The Flash family drove to the wrong Gotham

Duke sneezed before the "I do," accidentally elbowing the fire alarm

Jason slowly switched seats throughout the wedding so he could sit next to Diana

At the rehearsal, Cass was holding one of the clip-on mics that the officiant used and brought it with her to the bathroom, where everyone could hear her do her business

Bruce invited some of his coworkers, forgot he invited them, and then asked "What are you guys doing here?" when they showed up

Lian was the flower girl but instead of flower petals, she mistakenly threw the rice that was supposed to be for the end

Babs requested a song before the reception started and the DJ put it at the top of the list, accidentally replacing the song Bruce and Selina were supposed to dance to

Without telling anyone, Jason decided to start a new tradition of firing blanks while the bride and groom kissed

Young Justice got a whole tier of the cake to themselves

Harper's wedding speech started with "Bruce might've been in his emo phase since he was eight, he might've dropped out of med school, and he might not know how to crack an egg..."

The party bus Clark rented for the bachelor party caught on fire on the side of the highway

Alfred downed 7 glasses of champagne and loudly confessed that he never thought Bruce would get married

Hal's still bitter that he couldn't convince Bruce to wear the Batman cowl

They waited until an hour before the wedding to teach Duke how to tie a tie

Lucius and Luke got balcony seats so they could see everything. They were the only ones up there and Bruce kept looking at them during the ceremony

Carrie put a bath bomb in the decorative fountain

Nobody knows what happened to the cheese plate. Nobody except Cullen

Steph did the electric slide right into the speakers

Comm. Gordon had to leave in the middle to arrest the Joker

Babs accidentally wore Alfred's socks

Selina thought it'd be funny to wear a pair of granny panties around her thigh instead of a garter

To kick off the reception, Bruce held up a piece of bread and said, "I'd like to make a toast"

#ask #anonymous #bruce wayne #batman #selina kyle #catwoman #batcat #batfamily #batfam #batkids #batsiblings #justice league #gotham city sirens #superfamily #arrow family #dc comics #headcanon #crack #tw food mention

548 notes · View notes

valkerymillenia · 2 years

Note

How does the Batfam celebrate the holidays? And do they all appreciate the season? Any alternative celebrations going on?

Kate and Bruce are canonically Jewish but Bruce isn't overly religious so...

Kate spends Hanukkah with her parents and siblings but she also trades the occasional Hanukkah gift with Bruce. Bruce lights the menorah and does gives chocolate gelt to his kids but they don't shares gifts on Hanukkah.

Almost all family members do some sort of charity work during the holidays.

On actual Christmas, the whole family gets together for a family party and secret Santa (again, canon). It's not really a religious thing for them but it is an important family tradition, there's Christmas sweaters, tasty food and everyone has to be there.

There's also usually a new year's gala in Gotham and Bruce is always invited.

Do they all appreciate the season? Yes but not specifically for the celebrations or for any religious meaning, it's mostly because it means seeing the family together and at peace.

As for alternative celebrations...

Dick absolutely adorea Christmas. Sometimes hangs out with the old Titans for a little party, there's secret Santa and it sometimes gets weird with aliens, amazons, atlanteans and half demons involved. If the circus is nearby that year he'll also go visit. However, most of the time Dick actually overworks himself until the last minute of Christmas eve, working to control the spikes in crime around the holidays.

Jason visits his mom's grave around Christmas and sometimes goes to Christmas mass in her honor.

Tim enjoys ice skating with his friends on the holidays, it's practically tradition. He also has a party with his team YJ team.

Damian isn't religious, he basically grew up in his grandfather's cult and doesn't care all that much for the yuletide holidays. However, he does like the sweets involved and has shown some interest in learning the cultures of his family members.

Cass isn't religious either, as she grew up without it, but she does love Christmas food and fireworks.

Steph has her own traditions with her mom (they always watch the Muppets Christmas Carol together), as does Barbara with her father.

Duke used to go to church with his parents but now he's still finding new holiday traditions. He likes nativity scenes.

Harper and Cullen usually watch bad Christmas movies together and eat their weight in Chinese takeout before exchanging gifts.

Alfred just likes cooking for the family and watching everyone get along. He takes most of the Christmas photos.

#Batfam #batfamily headcanons #i didn't put too much thought into this #mostly took ideas from tidbits of canon

43 notes · View notes