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elipheleh · 8 months

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The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline. They also have the right to choose not to come out at all. The forced conformity of the closet can not be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.

-Alex, Red White & Royal Blue (2023)

i want to talk about this quote. full disclosure, it’s because i keep seeing some really frustrating takes (some of which veer into queerphobia) and i am getting a bit annoyed with people and rather than directly addressing it with them & appear to be picking a fight im going to make an analysis post in my space. (tbf. its mostly on twitter and i have a priv account so that limits me)

disclaimer; this is my interpretation, im not saying its the only interpretation just something to consider. i am queer & cognitively disabled - don’t assume malice and dont be cruel. i will ignore and block freely.

tl;dr/very simplified summary: it doesn’t mean “dont ever speculate about other people’s sexuality” but rather that ‘coming out’ in the way society understands it shouldn’t be a necessity for queer people to exist openly as queer. full context under the cut & self-exploration questions at the end.

so lets start with the context. alex is talking at a point in time when the world has read their emails and so knows both are queer (bi & gay, specifically), but neither alex/the white house or henry/the palace have commented. so more simply - alex and henry are known to be queer, but have not come out. alex uses the speech to come out as bi, and as being in love with henry. he also uses it to imply that he & henry should have the right to choose not to do this formal coming out alex is doing.

—

okay. lets get into the quote analysis.

The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline.

reasonably self explanatory. each queer person gets to decide their own timing for coming out, and the way that they want to address their sexuality.

They also have the right to choose not to come out at all.

this is where problems with interpretation have started to appear. fundamentally yes, this means people are allowed to not be openly queer/‘out’ if that is what their decision is. but it also means that they can be visibly queer - for example being in a visibly queer relationship; signalling with their aesthetic (e.g. someone being butch, someone who wears only ‘girl’ clothes despite that being at odds to their assigned gender); casually posting about queer things on social media etc - without addressing their own sexuality to others.

it does not mean that you should assume everyone is straight until they explicitly tell you otherwise. and quite frankly insisting that it does mean that is veering into homo-/bi-/queer-phobia because you are insinuating that being not-straight is a negative thing.

The forced conformity of the closet can not be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.

some people seem to be interpreting this as ‘you shouldnt force people out of the closet’ and i don’t think thats quite to the nuance of what it means. yes, i do think that is part of it - in much the same way as the previous sentence - but it is not really the whole of it. in my opinion this is actually addressing - at least to some degree - the concept of ‘we should assume people are straight until they explicitly say otherwise’.

the ‘forced conformity of coming out’ addresses the idea that to be “out” you have to follow these steps; that you have to make a public statement that ‘this is my sexuality and i am [queer/bi/gay/pan/ace/etc]’. you are conforming to this precedent of “how to come out” that countless queer people have followed. there’s nothing inherently wrong with doing so, but actually there are different ways to be queer - and even being “out” as queer - that don’t involve following that playbook.

here’s a hypothetical to demonstrate my point. two men, who have never dated any women, live together & spend basically all their time together over 5-10 years. they holiday with each other’s family, they’re always together at events (e.g. weddings of non-mutual friends), but they’ve never told you/the public that they’re queer and/or dating each other. at what point does one start to assume they’re together? and does the answer change if its a man & a woman rather than two men? if a man & a woman did that, people would assume pretty early on they’re probably dating. but yet when it’s two men suddenly it’s invasive to speculate. this is where this concept of the forced conformity of coming out comes in - along with the veering into homophobia i referenced earlier - why must they say the words “i am gay” for it to then be ‘okay’ to consider that they’re together? (the homophobia comes into play because if you think being gay is morally neutral (which it is) then you shouldn’t have any issue with the speculation about people being together regardless of their genders.) the idea that straight is the default is where this forced conformity starts to really kick in.

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i guess the main things i want people to ask themselves are these (and i have been asking myself these questions, there is no judgement or censure just self examination):

1. do you think people can be openly queer publicly without explicitly sharing that they are queer? (by this i mean in an announcement or in casual conversation. can you be openly queer without ever addressing it explicitly?)

2. if you do, why do you think that talking about the possibility someone is queer is something that should be hushed up? is it because there is an internalised concept that being queer is something abnormal and/or negative? if it was a straight couple would you feel the same way?

3. what does “coming out” mean to you? why does it mean that, what have you internalised to get to that conclusion & is it something that always works or are there other ways to be openly queer (or ‘out’ if you prefer)?

4. is it possible that there are queer people living openly and happily as themselves without explicitly addressing their sexuality to the wider world, who don’t want to address it publicly? does this make them closeted or ‘less’ queer to you? if so, what makes you think that?

#dont @ me ab the summary till youve read the post its simplified #rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #elio’s meta #elio’s #rwrb meta #this is a sideblog so all replies/asks will be done publicly. if you want it to be private send a dm #i do have a degree in lit analysis so. yeh. but im happy to discuss this civilly if you disagree #key word being civilly if youre angry at me save your breath i will ignore you #i choose not to talk explicitly on my blog about the topic people are using the quote about #if you want to talk about it dm me thats fine. but i am uncomfortable talking about it where i cant control who sees it #i have been.. grumbling about this vaguely its tagged in my negative feelings tag but ive got to a point now #where this quite interpretation is really annoying me #and i cant stop myself #*this quote interpretation - ofc id typo in the tags on my phone where i cant edit it #my punctuation might be terrible i lost track of what i was doing with apostrophes #ive edited this to death procrastinating posting it so im just gonna post it #who cares anymore

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 months

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Yo! Good morning/evening, hope you are fine^^💝. I wanted to ask you a question but I was afraid that it may bother you or something (you know..that feeling when you are scared that you might disturb someone or being an unwelcome person) but yeah I will ask you since i was serious about your answer for some time now so I hope I'm not annoying you or something *feel free to answer only if you wish^^. You seem to know the characters pretty well, you are quite capable and great at reading and understanding them, one of the things I'm serious about is what do you think would make someone qualified enough to be with malleus? Do they have to be of the same species?certain Reputation, stature or traits?(sorry can't help it since I can't rest until I know everything about what interests me and figure it all out😅). Thanks for giving me some of your precious time I really like your blog, you're amazing💜

No worries, you’re not bothering me at all ^^ I love to talk about my hyperfixations www

Now, I know a lot of fans (particularly on the EN side) like to ship Malleus with their OC and especially with Yuu so I want to first make it clear that my response is NOT meant to invalidate those Malleus shippers. Whatever I say here is based on my own interpretation of canon lore (and let’s be real here, TWST won’t ever confirm if anyone is romantically interested in Yuu because it might not work with how some players view their own relationship with that character). In fanon, anyone can be with anyone, but in canon there are very specific in-universe rules and expectations laid out for Malleus so these are what I will be referring to.

I also want to emphasize that the final traits I discuss in this post do NOT reflect Malleus’s personal tastes or views. He has little say in what kind of an individual his spouse would be, so his own preferences are not speculated about or taken into account here. The traits I will be bringing up are based on what I believe the lore implies are the desirable traits for those marrying into the Draconia royal family.

We got it? Good 👍 Read more below the cut!!

Firstly, I’m completely disregarding the ideas of “Malleus can love whoever he wants to love”, “Malleus can scare people into accepting who he loves”, and/or “Malleus can change the law so he can marry who he loves” (a la Sultan from Aladdin or through some other Disney magic or logic). Here’s why:

In general, those solutions for “high stakes issues” are too simple, and that has never been how Twisted Wonderland tackles complicated problems. Just look at every single OB boy’s backstory. They’re so complex that they aren’t totally resolved by the end of their books; these problems persist and are long term things each of them are working on addressing. This is also true of the politics TWST introduces to us; Leona for example explains how there is social pushback and resistance to the idea of infrastructure reform because the culture of the Sunset Savanna stresses harmony with nature. This has made it difficult for them to adopt new technologies because real politicians in their world have to seriously weigh their cultural values with their health and societal progress. The only time there are really easy solutions are in events or vignettes where the emotional stakes are not super high, but who Malleus marries is, in fact, super important since this will entirely change the life of a main character and his country.

With that first bullet point in mind… No, Malleus cannot love whoever he wants to love. Certainly, he may feel affection for another but he can never truly be with them. He is royalty and the only heir to the throne of Briar Valley. It follows that he is expected to marry for political reasons/to better his nation. This is a non-negotiable obligation for him.

Rather than saying, “Malleus cannot scare people into accepting who he loves”, I think it’s more accurate to say Malleus knows he probably shouldn’t. I mean, yes, he may be upset about his S/O not being accepted by his people but I feel that is discrediting a lot of the loyalty he has for his own country. As a kid he may have thrown tantrums when he was upset and potentially harmed staff, but as a 178 year old he has a much better understanding of decorum and maintaining it in spite of his own grudges. For example, even though he personally dislikes Leona he still commands Sebek to apologize to him because, at the end of the day, this could harm Briar Valley’s relationship with the Sunset Savanna. That’s not to say that Malleus can’t be petty (he definitely is)—but implying he would be petty toward basically his entire country just because they would disapprove of the one he loves?? (We know this would likely be true because Sebek’s parents faced similar backlash when they got together.) I feel like his own sense of awareness and responsibility for his country, crown, and people would override that. As an example, Malleus states that he has never been in a car before because the senate would be against it and often kept Malleus in the castle. Someone of his power could easily ignore them and sneak out and do whatever he wanted, yet the dialogue implies Malleus didn’t. He obeyed his political advisors even when he was younger and arguably much more immature. Malleus might not like certain decisions made about his life but it sounds like he ultimately complies with them.

Continuing from the previous point, let’s say for the sake of argument that Malleus does scare everyone into line. What about his public image and the mental health of his S/O? Maybe Malleus can frighten people to not talk out of turn to his face, but he cannot control what people whisper about him behind closed doors or to treat his S/O well or like they actually like them. Not only would they be alienated (away from their own home and forced to adapt to a new one) but they’d be treated oddly by others too. What kind of reputation is that for Malleus? To be a tyrant king who throws a hissy fit anytime someone talks about his partner in a way he doesn’t approve of? With a spouse who is not at their best mentally because of the constant ostracization? (This is similar to what Leona experienced in his childhood.) I don’t think Malleus would want to subject anyone to that kind of life, especially not one he loves. And again, this attitude would be the vast majority of his people. It’s not like it can be avoided or resolved in an easy manner, especially when the people of Briar Valley have proven to be against change.

Lastly, Malleus would not change the law so he can be with whoever he wants to. To begin with, I doubt this is a unilateral position the senate would approve of. But okay, let’s accept that Malleus is royalty so his power overrides the advisors’ power. So he effectively just changed a law for a very selfish and personal reason rather than changing something to actually benefit his people. That doesn’t feel in-character for him, not when Malleus seems to understand that it is the duty of those in higher status to help those below them rather than themselves (see: Riddle’s Suitor Suit vignettes. Malleus has acted selfish before, yes (who remembers Endless Halloween Night? His Dorm Uniform vignettes? I do.)—but never at the cost of changing the status quo of his country. (Book 7 is not included here because he’s in a very distressed emotional state then; this “new law” scenario posits that Malleus is in a normal state of mind.) This is a major change—change which Briar Valley, its people, and most importantly, Malleus, are not ready for. You think there wouldn’t be social pushback against this? From a society that has become complacent with its own way of life and is still isolated from the rest of the world? That Malleus, someone who struggles greatly with accepting life changes himself, could enact such a big change so easily? (On a more technical level, you don’t just pass a law and it instantly becomes tangible or real, there is a process of approval and then implementation.)

Additionally, it’s made clear in Ghost Marriage that “[Malleus] cannot enter into an engagement lightly”, which is why Sebek goes in his place. Eliza, the Ghost Bride, is royalty (er, albeit dead) but it seems that royal status is not enough to qualify as his partner. Maybe this is because she’s dead and doesn’t have anything of value for Briar Valley (no land, no people, no political power), but it could also mean that the partner has to be given the thumbs up by other parties.

All that being said, here are some of the conditions I think would have to be met for Malleus’s future spouse:

Has to be someone of equal or at least high status. This means they also have to be a royal or at least of nobility. This appears to be true of Malleus’s dad, who is referred to as a duke.

Because of how self-contained Briar Valley is + nocturnal fae having beef with diurnal fae, I imagine his partner would have to also be a nocturnal fae. This would also solve the MASSIVE lifespan difference between fae and non-fae because at least fae would be far closer to each other even if their lifespans fluctuate but subspecies.

Someone suited to rule by his side. Being married into any royal family is no joke—it comes with the expectation that you will contribute somehow, and the partner should be fully equipped to enter the world of politics with him.

Piggybacking off the last point, I think mental fortitude is also a prerequisite. This is because being a politician (navigating the social climate both within your country and outside of it, keeping your people and colleagues happy, maintaining public approval, managing laws, dealing with potential attempts on your life, etc.) can be very stressful and can hurt those who are faint of heart or not prepared for the responsibility. Leaders have to make tough calls at the drop of a hat, and they have to be ready for it.

Has a lot to offer in terms of benefits to Briar Valley as a country. This could be in terms of resources, connections, and/or political savvy. This appears to be true of Malleus’s dad, who acted as a diplomat for Briar Valley.

Vetting and formal approval from the senate. lmao good luck with that

Has to be able and willing to have a child. They at least need an heir to the throne to succeed Malleus. (However, knowing how exclusionary and conservative as heck the senators are, I doubt they would accept anything but a biological child 💀)

Preferably someone with powerful magic or is skilled at magic already so as to lessen the chance of “tainting” the bloodline with a weak mage or a non-mage.

I believe that Briar Valley would prefer someone with old fashioned values like them, not someone pushing for massive reform. They have a culture that is resistant to change and a history of fighting for resources with outsiders, so if Malleus’s new spouse tries to introduce a bunch of technology or open its borders to other countries (even if they have good intentions), the people + the senate may oppose them. His father is implied to be open-minded, but he at least understood that such change isn’t reasonable without time and effort dedicated to the endeavor.

All that being said 💦 I think that this topic is actually less about what Malleus as an individual wants and what his country, his people, and, yes, even his asshole senators, want. This is basically an arranged marriage situation so that their country can maintain power and relevance. It’s about the collective and what Malleus must do for their perceived security and prosperity.

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lemurzsquad · 2 months

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Hand Sanitizer

Pairing: Sakusa x gn!reader (platonic or romantic, up to interpretation)

Summary: You and Sakusa hate each other with a passion, and it's almost always a disagreement over hand sanitizer. So when you leave to wash your hands and don't come back, Sakusa learns why exactly you avoid using it so adamantly.

A/N: Okay so this fic. Hooooo boy. This fic. I've been wanting to write it for a while and finally have. It started as a "Reasons why I'm pretty sure Sakusa would hate me irl" and turned into this.

So I have a skin condition known as aquagenic wrinkling of the palms (or AWP), which affects my hands when they come in contact with water, which is what this fic is about. I never hear about this condition anywhere, and it's very lonely sometimes, and there's no real treatment for it (from what I've seen). So this is essentially a vent where I take my skin condition seriously for once instead of just making water allergy jokes to cope lol

(More info about AWP here)

Word count: 3898

cw: skin condition (non-graphic descriptions and discussion) (AWP - please read above), hurt/comfort, angst, crying, enemies to friends...?, emotionally constipated apologies from Sakusa, hand sanitizer is evil /j, vent, not proofread because I just wanted to get this done and posted to do literally anything else, (please lmk if I should tag anything else)

(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and everything written here is purely from my own experiences and observations. If you would like to learn more, please do your own research; this is not designed to be informative. It's purely for myself and for awareness.)

You and Sakusa had never gotten along.

You were certain you knew when it started, having been completely oblivious of one another up until that point.

It was when you were both first years in high school, and there happened to be a lizard in the classroom. You, upon seeing it, immediately proceeded to pick it up and ask the teacher to let you put it outside, to which they agreed.

You came back to the classroom, dusting off your hands, when a curly-haired boy took it upon himself to comment, “Go use some hand sanitizer, would you?”

You squinted at him, partly confused as to why he was talking to you and how you had never noticed he sat there before. “No thanks,” you answered, “I'd rather just wash my hands.”

“I don't think just washing your hands would be enough,” he rebutted with a sharp look behind his bangs. “You probably don't even know how to properly wash your hands.”

“Well, too bad! I'm not using hand sanitizer!” You were starting to get annoyed, crossing your arms.

Somehow, that seemed to make him even more disgusted, possibly at the thought that you were spreading whatever it was on your hands onto your clothes now, too.

The two of you threw jabs back and forth until the teacher separated you, which you were both happy to oblige. The animosity between you never seemed to quite dissipate even as the year went on and you became second years. You almost felt bad for the misunderstanding, knowing it was entirely your own fault, but how were you supposed to explain to this random kid that you couldn't use hand sanitizer even if you wanted to? At least, in your head you couldn't.

At some point, you and Sakusa became something of enemies within your class—renowned ones, at that. People would often ask the both of you why you hated each other so much, but your answers were vague at best.

“He's just so pretentious,” you said once.

“They're just so obstinate,” he said once.

And thus, an impasse stretched between you. You hadn't even learned his name until months after your first encounter, too bitter to really care.

Despite the efforts you both went through to avoid being within the presence of the other, you somehow still ended up nearby. Maybe it was your teachers attempting to make you get along—maybe it was the universe laughing in your face.

Throughout that entire time, you still faithfully avoided hand sanitizer like the plague. The one time the nearest bathroom was out of order for a little while and you couldn't wash your hands, you used as little of the accursed substance as you could. Whatever microscopically thin layer that coated your hands there was, you shook it off almost violently, simultaneously disgusted by the feeling of something on your skin and afraid of what it might do.

The disapproving look Sakusa gave you when he saw that was palpable.

At some point, you hated each other mostly out of principle. You'd both kept it up this long—it would be weird to suddenly just let it go since your flimsy justifications seemed enough until now. To admit that you were being unreasonable would be worse than getting along, you separately reasoned.

So when you were paired up for a project, you couldn't help but grimace. Sakusa was the first to go up to the teacher about it.

“I can't work with them,” you heard him say. For once, you agreed with him.

The teacher, however, dismissed his concerns with a wave, saying, “In life, you don't get to pick who you work with. Sometimes you'll have to try to put aside your differences to get your work done.”

It sounded stupid to you, like some half-hearted excuse so they wouldn't have to rearrange seating or partners. But it's not like you had any place to argue, so you resigned to just sucking it up.

Instead of working together, you both divvied up tasks as quickly as possible and did what you assigned yourselves—separately.

All was going well; you ignored each other and worked on the project silently. Despite other groups discussing their plans and the room being filled with chatter, your share corner was dead silent save the sound of pen on paper.

Which didn't last long when suddenly the tip of your pen snapped off. The now open ink tube spilled onto your hands, and when you tried to minimize the damage, it only got worse. By the time you dropped the pen onto your open notebook, raising your hands in surrender, they were absolutely coated in black splotches. A sense of defeat washed over you as you watched your words get covered and your paper stained in ebony.

Taking a moment to glance at your already ruined hands, you just resigned to picking up the pen and throwing it out. It was your favorite pen, which was unfortunate. It couldn't be helped, you told yourself.

Sakusa had noticed you flailing about your desk, silently judging you for the clumsy mess you made when you should have just thrown out the pen the second it broke to avoid the noir crime scene that now covered you and your area. He scowled knowing you would now have to redo whatever you had written for the project.

It was nearing the end of school, the class you were currently in being the final one of the day. You approached the teacher's table and asked if you could go wash your hands. They checked the clock to see about twenty minutes left before replying, “Make it quick.”

You walked past Sakusa's desk on your way to the door. He made the snide remark, “You could get the ink off really well with hand sanitizer.”

It took everything in you not to snap back at him, but you just hurried past, careful not to touch anything on the way out.

Sakusa knew he would never understand you. From the moment you met, you stubbornly refused what seemed to be basic courses of action. Touch something dirty? Use hand sanitizer. Eating? Wash your hands before and after to keep from touching anything.

The couple of times he had seen you wash your hands, it was very brief, and you seemed to avoid using the air dryer, opting for paper towels that were arguably undoing whatever progress you made in washing your hands.

At the same time, you avoided any task that would require you to touch dust or water. You always asked to sweep or clean windows, so much so that everyone just ended up giving you those tasks to get you to stop asking. If you did get something on your hands, you immediately wiped or shook it off, seemingly disgusted. You would even briefly run it under water just to dry it on your clothes so they weren't wet. It seemed there were things worse than water if you were willing to rinse them off.

But it was still that one avoidance that came between you: the hand sanitizer. It was practically the same as water, and it dried quickly. Even if it was comparable to washing your hands, it was still much more convenient in most scenarios. Yet you continued to adamantly refuse to ever use it. At some point you declared, “I would rather die,” when he had tried to squeeze some on your hand, earning him his wrist grabbed and pushed away.

He just didn't understand.

So when he found you sobbing in front of the stairs, opening your hands and clenching them closed into loose fists repeatedly, he was beyond confused.

You hadn't come back to class after leaving to wash the remnants of your broken pen, so the teacher decided it was your project partner, Sakusa, who should find you and return the belongings you left behind. He went over to your open notebook that remained just where you left it and noted the handful of words that were still visible.

Sakusa folded the cover over, enclosing the now dried puddle of ink. The remainder of your things he scooped into his arms, leaving the room once the halls had cleared a significant amount. As much as he wanted to just leave your things and go to volleyball practice, he figured it would end poorly.

Plus, what could possibly have kept you out of class for so long that you would have left everything behind? There was no way it had taken that long to get most of the ink off of your skin, so either you had just skipped the last bit of school or something happened. Since you hadn't taken your wallet with you with your IDs (he checked your bag when he put the notebook back inside, sure that it was completely dry), he reasoned it was probably the latter.

“Tsk.” They would have been able to get it off with hand sanitizer, he thought, brows furrowed. This is such a waste of time.

Sakusa wandered through the halls when he didn't find you by the bathrooms. He was starting to think it was a lost cause trying to return your bag; he even had to text his cousin to tell him why he would be late. It wasn't until he got to a particularly empty hallway did he hear something.

Quietly, in a dark alcove with a set of stairs leading up, a figure was huddled against a wall. Their tears were soft but anguished, stifled because it was in the environment of school. Sakusa had tried to ignore them until he realized it was you.

You held your palms up just past your knees that were pressed against your chest. You opened and closed your hands, a fresh cascade of tears painting your cheeks as you choked back a sob. You pressed—with more pressure than could have been painful—your thumb into the center of your other palm, nails digging into the back of your hand. You set your closed eyes on your knees with the hope that it might stop the water that leaked from them.

Sakusa, with great caution, approached your hunched figure. He didn't want to, he really didn't. You were the person he probably hated the most at his school, but somehow he knew he'd seem like an awful person if he didn't at least give your belongings to you directly—he wouldn't give you the satisfaction of another thing to hold over his head.

And yet those thoughts went to the back of his mind when he crouched down in front of you. His mask and curly hair obscured his focused expression as he tried to study your current state. The moment you seemed to hear him there, you held your breath and repressed your already quiet cries.

When Sakusa got close, you buried yourself further in to hide your face behind your knees and clenched your hands even more.

He frowned and something in his chest tightened. His brows furrowed deeper over his eyes and he huffed. He saw your nails digging into the skin on the backs of your hands.

“That's going to leave a mark if you keep doing that.” It came out more biting than he had meant it, but he was being serious.

It was then that you could no longer hold back your sobs, almost choking on your own tears. The grip you had of your hands softened and unlinked; instead, you lightly shook them apart from each other. Sakusa had to take a moment to process, but it almost seemed like there was something wrong with them.

He just wanted to get you to stop crying so he could give you your bag. As much as he hated the gesture, he asked, “What's wrong with your hands?”

You curled your lips in to bite down on them, fighting back hiccups. With your eyes tightly screwed shut, you upturned your palms.

The sight alone made Sakusa's eyebrows fly up in shock.

He didn't mean to, but he grabbed your wrist to get a better look. Ignoring the ink stains that faintly persisted, there were pale, patchy splotches in the center of your palm and on the side edges of your fingers; there were even some tiny pale rings on the periphery of the bigger splotches. But underneath that, the skin seemed as if it had soaked in water for hours or maybe even days. Not only were there dozens of deep crevice lines trailing from the tips of all of your fingers to their bases but the lines on your palms were more prominent, surrounded by profound, dense wrinkles that spanned the entire surface.

His eyes darted around your hand for a few moments just trying to comprehend what he was looking at. It looked unnatural—it looked painful. And when he met your gaze, he saw unidentifiable emotions flash across it. Was it shame? Regret? He couldn't be sure aside from the blood that seemed to drain from your face.

You tried to pull your hand away, but Sakusa wouldn't let go. His eyes never left yours, searching for some kind of answer. When he couldn't find it there, he asked, “What happened?” It was soft, calm, and even, enough to make you tear up a little again.

The second time you tugged, he released your wrist. You pushed your thumb into your palm again, looking away. Hiding your hands away in the space between your stomach and where your legs were still tucked against your torso, you sniffled a few times and tried to even out your breathing.

“I-It's normal… it just h-happens when I-I touch water…” You stuttered and mumbled between hiccups.

“That is not normal,” Sakusa said a little too quickly and curtly, realizing it probably would have made it seem like he was berating you.

With another sniffle, you said, “It's a– it's a skin condition.” You started to scratch your palms partly out of stress and partly out of the persistent stinging. “It reacts to water i-if I touch it for too long.”

His eyebrows knitted in concern. “Was that from washing your hands then?”

You gave a small nod, still avoiding his gaze. “I couldn't get the ink off and ended up w-washing them for too long…”

“You could have just used hand sanitizer,” he said genuinely. For the moment, he almost forgot he was supposed to hate you, more focused on being worried than anything.

Your answer was your head shaking rather fervently. “No, I can't.” You lowered to set your forehead against your knees again. “Well, actually, I don't know. I-It just scares me and I don't want to r-risk any more pain than I already have. I haven't h-had good experiences with it…”

“What did hand sanitizer ever do to you?” It came out snarkier than Sakusa had meant. He slowly lowered himself to sit with his legs crossed in front of you, your bag still next to him.

You let out a heavy breath. “I was a dumb kid in elementary,” you started. “I had an obsession with scented hand sanitizer for probably a few months. I used it multiple times a day, and even though I don't know for sure if it's related, my hands got worse after that year I think. Only after that did I finally go to the doctor to get it diagnosed after my mom did a ton of research. I agreed to avoid hand sanitizer from then on. I just don't want to risk being in more pain…”

You both went silent.

“Oh…” It was all that left Sakusa's lips. A sudden wave of guilt crashed into him. All of the times he had berated you for not using hand sanitizer and all of his snide, rude, annoyed remarks resurfaced in his conscience. He felt terrible. He felt bad. Someone was hurting and all he did was throw lighter fluid on their problems—for months—and it seemed there was finally a spark to set it all ablaze. The thought that he started it all made it worse.

“Stop with whatever weird look you have on your face.” You squinted at him and his downturned, scrunched face. You'd calmed down enough to be making quips, it would appear. “It's not like I can do anything about it.” You shrugged, half-hearted.

He searched your face again for any sign of emotion aside from blank resignation, but he couldn't find anything. “Is there no treatment?”

You shrunk down further into your huddle, not vocally answering, but the answer was still clear.

Something about the whole situation made his heart hurt; it made him upset, he realized. “So what, you just have to avoid water?”

The nod of your head to the side looked pathetic as you avoided his eyes. After several seconds of silence, you said, “I used to love swimming. It's not like I can't, it's just… it hurts and it makes me feel gross. I don't even like the beach anymore because if I go in the water and get my hands wet, there's no real place to dry them off.” You laughed humorlessly. “It's stupid. You'd think I would get more used to it and get over it as I got older, but it just made me more upset. Why me? Why did I have to get stuck with a condition that's rare and isn't really bad enough for people to care enough to find a treatment? At least, it feels that way…

“I know it's awful, but I sometimes wonder, ‘Why didn't I get stuck with something worse? Then I might have a way to treat it. Then people might care.’”

You glanced up to judge Sakusa's reaction, instantly regretting spilling your feelings and questioning why you did. Tears threatened to flood over again and spill from your eyes. You felt helpless; not only from your condition but also from being stared down by the person you were certain despised you more than anyone. You were giving him more ammo to be disgusted and to detest you, too.

But you couldn't find his face. His ebony bangs hung down like a curtain and his mask further obscured your view, his downturned line of sight completely blocked out.

When the silence was beginning to crawl around on your skin and became almost deafening, you took in a sharp breath and held it for a moment before breathing out a tiny apology. “Sorry… you don't wanna hear about this…”

“No.”

“...No? No… what?”

“No…”

Sakusa was struggling to get out the right words. How does he say sorry to you in a way that you might actually believe? How does he tell you that you're allowed to be upset, that you can talk about it? How does he make you understand that it's okay?

And how is he supposed to get you to believe it when it's coming from him?

His voice sounded almost angry but not at you—it was for you. “You can be upset,” he said between gritted teeth, hands clenched into tight fists. “No one deserves to have to live everyday avoiding something so common just to not be in pain. And no one deserves to have some jerk constantly making light of it even if they don't know.”

The way your eyes widened and water dripped down your cheeks in sudden streams said it all. “Oh…” was all you could muster before you completely broke down. No one you had ever told about your condition had seemed to fully grasp how much you were hurting inside, how every day was a struggle to avoid reminding yourself of how awful your hands were, how even looking at your own hands sometimes made you ashamed and loathing of yourself. It was a constant reminder that there would always be something wrong with you; you would always be broken, and there was no way to fix it.

Sakusa let you cry with the renewed emotional rush. He remained firmly planted where he sat, not moving an inch. He was not going anywhere.

And he didn't, even as your sobbing slowed to quiet sniffles and wiping mostly dried tears. It took a while before you finally muttered, “Thank you… No one's ever said that to me before…”

“Well, they should.” His words were curt but lacked any sharpness to them.

When you looked up to meet his eyes, he turned them away from you. Hesitantly, he uttered, “Look, I can't promise you that we'll get along, but I can assure you I'll try not to bother you anymore. No more stupid hand sanitizer comments anymore, either.” It was the only peace offering he could make for a chance to pave a path towards making amends.

You let out a breath through your nose that was close to a laugh before hiccuping, “Next thing you know, you'll be telling me we'll work on our group project together.”

“Don't push it,” he answered, quickly and humorlessly. It only made you laugh, although he couldn't comprehend why.

“It's getting late,” Sakusa tried to divert. “You should head home.”

You reached for your phone, and the little numbers on the screen confirmed his statement. Suddenly, a flash of panic crossed your face. “I don't have my bag,” you state frantically, “or any of my stuff.”

It was then that Sakusa held up the original object of his search for you, gently lowering it to the ground. “The teacher told me to bring it to you since you never came back.”

Relief washed over you in a calming rush, and you finally seemed to relax. You pulled your knees away from your chest and sat with your legs crossed. Confirming that everything was in your bag, an immensely relieved sigh left your lips in a gust.

“Thank you.” Your gaze was earnest, trying to convey just how much you meant your words to make sure it sunk in.

Sakusa just grumbled, “Whatever.” He was back to his usual self despite how he stumbled embarrassingly when he got up and realized his legs had gone numb. He reluctantly offered up his hand to help you stand, but you only looked at it for a moment, mouth pressed into a line, before you got to your feet on your own.

He pretended he hadn't tried to assist you, instead pivoting on his heels and shoving his hands in his pockets with a slouched posture. Without another word exchanged, you both headed towards the school's entrance.

The air fell into a comfortable quiet until then. When you did reach the entrance, however, you both stopped in your tracks. You turned to Sakusa, giving him a soft smile and a small wave, and headed down the street. Only when you turned the corner, out of sight, did he head back towards the volleyball gym. He was so horribly beyond late that it was almost laughable.

But he didn't care, knowing it meant someone was there in that very moment for you when you needed it most. So what if he also started to mend whatever nonexistent relationship was there in the process? What mattered was that someone told you that it was okay.

And Sakusa was okay with that. Being late to practice wasn't nearly as pressing as his long overdue apologies. What could be more important than that?

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ffsg0jo · 18 days

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I loved your Ramadan works with the JJK characters. It's so nice to see another muslimah who writes for JJK :)). I am not sure if you are still actively posting, but would you consider writing a piece with the cast's reaction to the hijab and abaya? JazakAllah!

jjk characters with a muslim/hijabi reader [gojo edition]

gojo x reader [platonic or romantic it's open to interpretation]

w/c: 955 words

a/n: i got so carried away writing gojo's i realised if i added more characters, it'd be an incredibly long post. so i took them out and i'm gonna post them over the next couple weeks <33 so far i have megumi, nanami, itadori and nobara lmk if you want anymore characters :)) also guys pls feel free to send requests/suggestions :))

also anon you're the sweetest person every thank you so so much you've single handedly given me motivation to keep writing and ive got more works coming out. i hope you're having an amazing day inshaAllah bestie 💗

Gojo definitely thinks you’re doing a cosplay of some sort. It’s not uncommon in certain parts of Tokyo, so it’s safe to assume so most of the time. Even he’s been mistaken for Kakashi cosplays a lot of the time, with his black get-up and blindfold.

But then he sees you wearing different colour hijabs and abayas, and sometimes even a cute lil jilbabs and it confuses him. Suddenly, the thought occurs to him that maybe you’re not in a 24/7 cosplay, like him, and actually just dress covered head to toe.

As soon as he reaches that epiphany you best believe he pesters you and badgers you for answers. “y/n are you cold? is that why you’re always dressed like that?”

At first, you think it’s funny to give him nonsensical answers because he keeps saying stupid things, but you realise he's being deadly serious. plus, he gets increasingly bothersome, so you eventually get annoyed from all his questioning and just tell him about how you’re a Muslim and observe hijab.

He actually takes it quite seriously and apologises for lowkey making fun of your shitty cosplay in his head. He’s ignorant, not prejudiced, so he defo takes it back and, for once, takes accountability and apologises for his actions. He’s personally not a believer, but he respects it.

Once, you complained about how expensive abayas were becoming and how you just wished someone would just buy you a whole wardrobe of them to all the students, and he happened to overhear.

Literally days later he’s at your door with multiple bags full of abayas and hijabs and all sorts of modest clothing. You’re completely shick shack shook and don’t know what to say. You defo cry and try to hide it with your headscarf.

He barges into your room (after making sure you’re fully covered, he's learnt from that mistake) and spends the next 5 or so hours showcasing each item and telling you where in the world he got it from, the materials and everything.

He has really good taste in colours and styles and knows what would look good on you. You’re literally set for life. Absolutely refuses to let you pay him back. Every single time you mention money, he shuts you down and changes the topic entirely.

In summer he’s shocked you look relatively calm and okay. He’s literally boiling his bum off with a tank top (I’m laughing at imagining Gojo in a white tank top like an immigrant dad lmaoo) and you’re looking as fresh as daisies with everything covered. He asks how you're not melting and you’re waffling to him about airflow and how it’s actually quite breezy, and you’re not wearing anything underneath, so it’s fine, and he stops breathing and short circuits.

He looks at you with his eyes wide, and his sun reddened face goes a shade darker. "You’re not wearing anything underneath?" He takes it the completely wrong way, and you realise what it sounds like, and you’re both a bumbling mess.

It's the first time anyone’s ever seen Gojo that flustered.

Also some quickfire headcanons:

He genuinely thought you slept and showered with your hijab on, so he burst into your room one day and you screamed and he immediately warped somewhere else when he saw you wearing pyjamas (he didn’t see anything above your clothed knees, he panicked and left so quickly plus he was scared to look).

Gets you cute little clips to put on your hijab. He thinks they’re pretty.

Is absolutely devasted you can’t have mochi and some other desserts because they have pork gelatine in them and he always tries to find vegan alternatives.

Purposefully steps on your abaya/dress when it's flowing and he's behind you to annoy you.

Has extra pins pinned onto his uniform for you just in case you need them.

This is a secret he’ll take to his grave, but he actually tried to make you one of his favourite desserts you couldn’t eat (he threatened the bakery for the recipe), but it went so disastrously wrong he gave up and didnt want to face the embarrassment.

I’m talking melted plastic in the oven, small kitchen fire, eyebrows singed, and potential carbon monoxide poisoning bad.

You wore this specific shade of light blue once with a cream khimar, and for some reason, he was absolutely obsessed with that outfit. It wasn't until Nobara pointed out that your outfit matched Gojo's colour scheme did he finally realise why <33

The abaya sizing really confused him and he was so baffled as to what the numbers meant. Wdym size 52 what does that even measure 😭😭

He was faffing about for 2 hours before he realised he could've just googled it, and he felt absolutely stupid about it.

Whenever he sees a bit of your hair accidentally peeking out he covers his eyes and screams at you to "cover yourself woman goddammit". He's so dramatic honestly.

Thinks it’s hilarious seeing you run in your abaya. He thinks its the funniest thing in the world.

Once (he's lying defo more than once) he was zoned out while watching you and his heart started beating faster when he realised how beautiful you are with your long dress blowing in the breeze and your hijab lightly fluttering. You looked ethereal. He didn't know what to think, and he pushed his feelings back down. Deep deep down.

He doesn't need unnecessary feelings complicating things, but for some reason, his heart still yearns for you.

He also makes terrorist jokes about you to you. I will not explain that one, but he 100% does.

#🌻.sunspell #🌻.nonny<33 #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu gojo #gojo satoru #jjk satoru #satoru gojo #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu gojo satoru #jjk gojo satoru #jjk satoru gojo #muslim reader #gojo x muslim reader

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forestdeath1 · 1 month

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Sirius’s early maturity as a result of family views and traditions. Romantic and sexual behaviour

18+

First of all, I'd like to leave a link to this meta by @artemisia-black so I don't have to write the same things that are already covered. The part about boundaries is especially important.

Next, I'll add my perspective.

1. Most likely, Sirius couldn't be a playboy or casanova due to the social organisation of their society + his personal attitude towards boundaries of other people, including women, as described in the post above.

2. However, that doesn't say much about his sexuality and romantic behavior.

More likely JKR wanted to make him straight and prone to non-committed relationships, but canon itself says nothing about his sexuality and I think everyone can read him as they want. Honestly, I personally don't care who Sirius is sleeping with/not sleeping with in people’s HCs. I care about his personality, and his sexuality doesn't change anything about his canon characterisation, so I don't particularly see the point in arguing about his sexuality (straight/gay/bi/ace/whatever) with foam at the mouth. (And he is not queer coded.)

But there is some interesting things that I’d like to discuss.

1. First of all, why the playboy/casanova version seems the most untenable to me, besides what was written in the post above?

A bit about the school and society:

In my opinion, for the WW, it's quite illogical for a student to have a large number of sexual partners. Firstly, with whom? In some fanfics, Sirius finds a new partner almost every week and fucks someone every night. Where does he find so much time for casual sex at school/during the war and where do so many people wanting casual sex come from? No matter how handsome Sirius might be, not all girls and boys are willing to have casual sex. Most people want relationships, not casual sex.

So in my view, if in your headcanon Sirius never got out into the Muggle world of the 1970s, then he couldn't have had a large number of casual sexual partners at least in school, although the playboy reputation could have been there. To have that reputation, you don't need to do anything, just being charismatic and attractive. Reputation often precedes the person. Maybe that's why Remus said 'he always got the women'. They just paid attention to him. But if we consider the WW, especially the school, there's simply nowhere to get 'many partners' from.

2. Ignoring a girl as evidence of a certain sexuality.

The fact that Sirius ignored girls' glances at him doesn't say anything concrete. But it's often cited as an argument in favour of his homosexuality and/or asexuality.

But in reality, it can be interpreted in any way. As asexuality/homosexuality or simply as a demonstration that he really was attractive to many people, but Sirius himself, accustomed to such attention, no longer paid attention to the constant attention to him. When a person knows his attractiveness from his youth, he will not pay attention to every flirtation or every person who looks at him with lust. Often such attention can even be annoying.

Also, this character was probably well aware of his attractiveness and could see it in other people. The comments about Snape are very vivid. If appearance is not at all part of a person's values and they doesn’t pay attention to appearance, then a person is unlikely to insult someone based on their appearance - it’s usually a blind-spot. But attractive appearance, given by nature, are often seen as something that can't be taken away, it's always with you, and so the attitude is simple — if you can't wash your hair, fine, it's not that important. And knowing about his attractiveness and constantly receiving a lot of attention from other people – the value of this attention diminishes. A person just no longer pays attention to it.

That’s why he might have simply ignored the girl who was looking at him with interest (who had been studying with him and probably had been looking at him with interest for more than a day).

3. The age of consent. Early maturity. TW Underage.

The age of consent in the Muggle UK is 16 years old. And in the WW, people become adults earlier, at 17. However, Pollux became a father at 13. Cygnus became a father at 13. What was the age of consent? When did they get married? Was there even a concept of age of consent in the wizarding world? Perhaps their age of consent was 12 (given that in 1275, the first age of consent was set in England, at age 12 and only in 1875, the Offences Against the Person Act raised the age to 13 in Great Britain and Ireland, and the International Statute of Secrecy was signed in 1689, it's possible that wizards are still stuck with laws from that time). Or maybe Pollux and Cygnus got married later. For example, at 15 (17-2). Or maybe they have no concept of age of consent at all and there is no prohibition on marriage before reaching legal age, so they could get married whenever they wanted. Considering that marriages are magically contracted without the involvement of authorities, this option seems viable.

I'm not here to judge fictional characters, I'm discussing facts from the canon. There is every reason to believe that for some families in the WW, "maturity" came much earlier than it does for us now, and it wasn't nonsense. Rather, it was casual liaisons that were condemned as something that could cause unwanted pregnancies. But not marriage and sex itself before the age of 17.

Even in our time and in our society "an estimated 55% of teens have had sexual intercourse by age 18". These percentages have gradually declined since 1988 when 51 per cent of female and 60 per cent of male teens have ever had sex".

Your right to consider this something bad and refuse to write/speak about it, but it was, is, and always will be a part of teenage life, and judging by the Blacks, in the WW, the attitude towards this was quite... "old-fashioned", if it concerned marriage and childbearing.

I am inclined to believe that it was the Blacks who had this attitude towards early marriage and early childbirth, and therefore towards early sex, BUT not casual sex, because nobody wanted unwanted pregnancy.

And this could have influenced Sirius's attitude towards himself, his sexuality, and how mature he considered himself. Sorry, but when your grandfather became a father at 13, as did your uncle... well, you definitely look at growing up a little differently. He put up Muggle posters too because his parents were annoyed not by the fact that he was a 14-15 year old thinking about sex (although he might not have thought about it at all, he just knew it would piss his mum off), but by the fact that he was thinking about sex with mudbloods, which horrified his parents.

Just imagine what must be going through the mind of a 14-15 year old who decided to piss his parents off. What would James do? Well, paint the room red. Put dung bombs on the head of everyone who walked in. What did Sirius do? Erotic posters (women in swimming costumes are erotic posters to their world).

In my opinion, this says a lot about all the Blacks and the fact that they have some peculiarities in their family dynamics. Where did he even get the idea for this, if Sirius and the Blacks were innocent in their attitude towards teenage sex and growing up? I can totally see them yelling at him after these posters 'if you get someone pregnant, you'll really regret it!'.

The posters themselves don't say anything about Sirius's real intentions or his sexuality – he could have just put them up to piss her mother off, knowing that it would annoy her, or he himself might have liked them.

Meanwhile, James and his parents probably had a different dynamic, and they probably treated James as a child for much longer. So James matured sexually in his mind later. His parents probably didn't even talk about such things. And considering that they went to a conservative school, then further than kissing for him at 15 was probably not even a topic, if they even got to kissing.

Most likely, Sirius's 'early maturity' and all these posters are exactly the result of intra-family traditions and views.

4. It's confirmed by Word of God that he didn't have a girlfriend, but…

If we consider only the books as canon, then we don't know anything about his girlfriend/boyfriend, and he could have had some romantic relationships, because the canon itself doesn't say anything about it.

But I'll specifically analyze the case with 'Word of God':

Well, Sirius never had time to get a girlfriend, let alone marry.

Sirius was too busy being a big rebel to get married.

This means only one thing: he didn't give any commitments. That's it. It doesn't mean anything more than that. He could have had no partners at all, meaning he could have been focused only on friendship. Or he could have had a sexual partner (of any gender) without commitments. One or more. Who mutually wanted this. And these relationships didn't take up much of his time.

Non-committal relationships can be with sufficient respect for the partner. This doesn't make the character a Casanova/Playboy/fuckboy.

In the monoromantic concept of serious relationships, respect for the partner is often perceived only within the context of monoromantic relationships. But that’s not the only option. In non-committal relationships, there can also be a lot of respect for the other person's boundaries because the person isn't lying about their attitude (unwillingness to have a serious relationship), does not pile on false promises and usually does not confess eternal love. But playboys and casanovas can often lie to get someone into bed.

The view on purity and filth is very interesting, but in my opinion, purity for the Blacks is conceptually not the same purity as for the upper class in the Muggle world raised in a Christian reverent tradition. Purity is primarily 'noble blood.' To be pure is to be noble, and Sirius has his own understanding of nobility, not based on blood purity. For him, honor and nobility mean being loyal to friends, being honest, not betraying, and that's why he uses epithets of impurity for Peter. Peter lacks nobility.

As I said, having one/several partners without commitments doesn't automatically make the character a playboy and casanova – in other words, it's not about the Erot of perverted Aphrodite – people who love only the body, not the inner world (seeing people as objects, ignoring the person as a whole).

So, taking into account the Word of God, I actually see only two options.

He didn't have sexual relationships at all/tried it and didn't like it/ wasn't interested/ found it not very interesting or just was more focused on his friends and other things in his life.

Or the second option – he had non-committal relationships, which were always based on respect for the partner, but it was never like 'my girlfriend/boyfriend,' more like sexually-friendly relationships where he treated his partner not just as an object for sex but as a person.

The third option, if we discard the Word of God – he could have had regular monogamous romantic relationships of any nature with any gender, as there's nothing in the canon about his sexuality.

As I said, I don't think it fundamentally changes anything about his characterisation, so no matter what his sexuality is, he should retain his canon personality traits.

#sirius black #sirius black meta #hp meta #the noble and most ancient house of black #the marauders meta

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thewertsearch · 7 months

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GC: YOU W3R3 STRUTT1NG 4ROUND 1N YOUR D3L1C1OUS K1W1 31GHT B4LL SU1T 4ND RUNN1NG YOUR FR3SH MOUTH 4S USU4L GC: durp yo terezi sup sup gotta beat john gotta beat john GC: hes got a long hood and he does wind, how can i get powers too? [....] GC: [...] 1M L1K3 D4V3 TH4TS GO1NG TO 1NVOLV3 F4C1NG YOUR OWN D34TH GC: 4ND 1M SORRY TO BR34K 1T TO YOU BUT 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34DY FOR TH4T

Well, at least she gave him fair warning.

Thanks to Vriska, John was able to achieve the god tiers without confronting his mortality. He didn't have to grapple with any of this, and it's possible that he was robbed of some character growth as a result.

That said, I still think Vriska did him a solid. It's just ironic that she thinks she's helping him develop as a hero, when she might be doing the exact opposite.

GC: BUT ONLY 1F YOU PROM1S3 TO TH3 3X4CT T3RMS OF MY 4RR4NG3M3NT, 1N ORD3R TO PROT3CT TH3 1NT3GR1TY OF TH3 T1M3L1N3 >:] TG: the arrangement being the coin flip thing TG: thank god we did that otherwise wed be screwed TG: i probably would have gone back in time and killed my own grandfather oh wait i never had one

lmao

I do wonder if Bro had an adopted family. We know Nanna and Grandpa's background, and Mom was probably the child that Skaianet were apparently raising in their laboratory. (Remember when I thought there was a secret clone of Rose down there?)

Bro, however, is an enigma, even among the Guardians. He has no known relationship with any of the other parents, but was definitely getting foreknowledge of Sburb from somewhere. I'm not even sure I want to know what sort of childhood produces Bro Strider.

GC: 1 TOLD YOU 1 W4S GO1NG TO FL1P 4 CO1N GC: 4ND B3FOR3 1 D1D, YOU H4D TO P1CK 4 S1D3 W1THOUT T3LL1NG M3 GC: GOOD H34DS OR B4D H34DS

Really, the coin is just a rhetorical device. Terezi doesn't need to flip a coin, or even have a coin, because the real flip is happening in Dave's head. His Mind, if you will.

This does raise a lot of questions, though. I hope there isn't a timeline for every conceivable decision you could make. We've sort of discussed the idea before, but I don't think I've really talked about the subtle horror of a multiverse that works that way.

I mean, if there's a timeline for every possible decision - if everyone is capable of making any choice, at any time - then John will randomly kill his friends, for no reason. There are millions of offshoots where he does this. WV will become a monarchist. Dave will take off his shades.

It goes deeper, too. You can't even meaningfully ask why Dave wears shades, because he doesn't. He's constantly taking them off, because it is possible for him to do so. And if there's a timeline where he never takes them off, it's only because that's a decision he could potentially make.

If timelines branch at every decision, with no restrictions, then every single person in the multiverse is constantly doing things that contradict the core of who they are. In fact, there is no core. Everyone is an indistinguishable robot, constantly making every possible decision, simply because they can.

Homestuck could work like this, but I prefer the Discworld interpretation - I think it's more consistent with the comic's themes of choice. In Night Watch, protagonist Vimes is confronted with this exact question, and we get this exchange:

“But sometimes you can’t help wondering: what would have happened if I’d done something different–” “Like when you killed your wife?” Sweeper was impressed at Vimes’s lack of reaction. “This is a test, right?” “You’re a quick study, Mister Vimes.” “But in some other universe, believe me, I hauled off and punched you one.” Again, Sweeper smiled the annoying little smile that suggested he didn’t believe him. “You haven’t killed your wife,” he said. “Anywhere. There is nowhere, however huge the multiverse is, where Sam Vimes as he is now has murdered Lady Sybil. But the theory is quite clear. It says that if anything could happen without breaking any physical laws, it must happen. But it hasn’t. And yet the “many universe” theory works. Without it, no one would ever be able to make a decision at all.” “So?” “So what people do matters!” said Sweeper. “People invent other laws. What they do is important!

In short, there are some things you would never do, physical laws be damned. It is inconceivable that Vimes would murder his wife, because his current personality is incompatible with that decision. It simply cannot be made to make sense, so it can't spawn a timeline.

Note that this is only true for Vimes 'as he is now'. His moral code doesn't necessarily apply to his alt-selves - or even his younger self, whose code hasn't solidified. Hell, half the book is about making sure Young Vimes develops that code in the first place. There could be an evil John Egbert, but our John can't just arbitrarily turn evil.

So that's how I think it works. There's a timeline for every decision that you'd choose to make, and that subset of decisions will change as you grow. Your development as a person shapes the multiverse, in a very literal way.

#homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5.2 #s99 #3093 #sort of like that ask about the alpha timeline needing to be consistent with the personalities of its inhabitants #but at a larger scale

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kiragecko · 1 month

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cherrystainedknuckles

I guess the only problem with being asked to take a “marie kondo approach” is that in order to find any fanfic that appears to be based in actual canon timeline and plot points and characterization (which does exist, and I’m not sure why fanon fans seem insistent that it doesn’t), I literally have to search for hours. I’m not joking, I consistently make fic rec lists, and I have to search for hours and hours for actual canonical basis. same thing with character tags on tumblr.

I’m not saying fanon fans have to stop enjoying fanon or making up their own content. I’m just saying that when the tags used for both fanon tim drake and canon tim drake are the same tag it just becomes incredibly annoying sometimes, and I understand why people who like to engage with canon (me, often) become frustrated

I have definitely had periods where I got incredibly frustrated with fanon! Around 2019, I was wondering if I needed to leave the Batfandom, because it had been so long since I read a new fic where the characters felt 'right'.

But, if you're willing to, I'd like you to consider what you mean when you divide 'fanon' from 'canon'. Because I struggle to find a hard line between the two, for several reasons:

1. Fandom is transformative. Every fanfic is going to have some interpretation of the source material. The line between what is too much interpretation and what is acceptable is different for every person. For me, I find it can even vary based on writing style or other odd things - lighthearted fic can have more noncanonical stuff in it than heavier fic, and still seem true to canon.

2. 'Canon' is subjective. I do not consider the movies or video games to be 'canon', and it annoys me when things from those creep into the fic I'm reading. (I'm okay with SOME Battinson.) Some aspects of the cartoons are okay. I consider precrisis Jason Todd to be an alternate reality version, but Donna's precrisis origins are more canonical than the dumb retcons. Wayne Family Adventures isn't my main version of the characters, but I'm not bothered if some elements show up in my stories. I'm ignoring most of the nu52, but I like Duke and I'm still watching this new Lian to see what happens. I doubt your divisions are identical to mine.

(Also, some things that I think of as 'fanon' have shown up in nu52 canon! I do not accept them as any more canon because of this.)

3. Most 'fanon' is based on canon. Canon Tim has weird sleep habits. 90s Dick is really lighthearted and joking around some characters in ways similar to fanon. Dick can canonically not be trusted to take care of himself if his mental health gets low enough. Jason likes classical literature. Etc.

These are exaggerated and/or twisted in a lot of fic, but where is the line where they stop being canon? I wouldn't bat an eye at a lot of this stuff, if it didn't show up SO OFTEN.

4. Most 'fanon fans' do know some canon. What line are you going to set where it will be 'enough'. And are they allowed to mention parts of the canon they haven't read yet? Is anyone allowed to talk about Dick's early Robin days, or only the tiny amount of people who have read the golden age stuff? A lot of the 'mistakes' I see are obviously made by people who have read ABOUT canon, but don't know quite how it fits together.

5. 'Canon' is FULL of contradictions. Yes, there are canon events. Yes, there is characterization that is consistent across 3/4s of comics. But. I'm still working on my sidekick timeline. I've devoted days to figuring out ages and passage of time. I've spent over a decade trying to figure out Jason Todd's motivations, and why Tim treats him the way he does. I've read all the 90s and early 2000s CANONICAL character assassination of Jason.

I spent years thinking that Donna's death was almost as foundational as Jason's, only to later discover that I had just happened to read the specific comics that focused on the fallout, and she only stayed dead for a short time. That happens to fans ALL THE TIME! We read a character summarizing an event we haven't directly read, and just accept it as what happened. But characters have biases, and not all writers care about accuracy.

I've read some Tim Drakes that I consider to be almost entirely 'fanon'. And quite a few that were so scarily 'canon' that I got chills. (Not all of which were similar to each other.) But the vast, vast majority have fallen somewhere in the middle.

I definitely do not want the responsibility of deciding which ones count as 'canon'! And I think I would strongly dislike anyone who tried to decide for me.

Being frustrated is logical, and I empathize. But the original post was about the impossible expectations some fans feel. The expectation to read thousands of comics, synthesize all the contradictions, and come to conclusions that match the 'true fans'. That's a perfectly reasonable thing to be complaining about.

If that's what some fans are experiencing, of course they're not going to want to engage with canon! There's no way for them to succeed, so why should they even try?

When you join THAT conversation to discuss your frustration about fanon, it strengthens that perception. When you call them 'fanon fans' it emphasizes their belief that you don't think they belong. And rather than trying to change, it's more likely that they'll double down. Canon is full of gatekeepers, so they'll avoid it.

#gatekeeping #fandom policing #fanon #canon vs fanon #usually don't do stuff like this anymore #I'm old and tired #but sometimes the words want to come out

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fandomaya · 6 months

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Shadows in Reflection

Pairing: Ryoumen Sukuna x Reader

CW: No curses!AU, Sukuna is related to Yuuji, Reader has dark brown/blackish eyes, food is mentioned, reader is a university student, implied age gap, overall fluffy and a tad bit philosophical. NOT PROOFREAD!

WC: 1.4k+

Summary: In the heart of art and introspection, you find yourself entangled in an unexpected connection with Sukuna, the enigmatic cousin of your neighbor, Yuuji. Sukuna's fascination with your perception, particularly your "pitch-dark" eyes, unravels a profound connection that transcends the canvas of a melancholic painting. The day unfolds like a vivid masterpiece, leaving you questioning the boundaries of freedom, the comfort of darkness, and the unspoken secrets hidden within the gaze of those mysterious, crimson eyes.

a/n: There's no specific painting mentioned here, just some vague descriptions and philosophical interpretations spun out of thin air. But if you really want to visualize, then this piece of art comes close: https://www.artic.edu/artworks/154235/the-girl-by-the-window. Please enjoy the work below!

“What do you see?”, Sukuna murmurs next to your ear, his head gently on your shoulder. You wonder how he feels so comfortable being close to you, and surprisingly, why don’t you feel uncomfortable with the goosebumps lining your skin underneath your clothes? But you decide to focus on the painting in front of you, although your thoughts partially lean towards how Sukuna agreed to meet you in this art museum, of all places. Maybe it isn’t that astonishing since in all the little conversations that you have had with him, he is quite well-versed in literature and art.

You are the next-door neighbor to Yuuji, a sweet boy who is studying in a nearby high school. You are acquainted with him just because you are a university student, and you tutor him for some extra academic lessons on the weekends since he is not that bright in studies, unlike sports where he is impressively well. Plus, you need the extra money for your expenses as well.

Sukuna happens to be a distant cousin of Yuuji, though he is only a few years younger than his dad. It's hard to believe, but the same shade of light pinkish hair shared by Mr. Itadori, Yuuji, and Sukuna serves as proof. But Sukuna is distant in his demeanor too, and you sometimes wonder about his outcast behavior, though he seems to be an all-rounder who is good in almost everything, including finances, philosophy, sports, and even cooking. It was a couple of chance meetings and one fine day of exchanging numbers, and today all of a sudden Sukuna wanted to meet you out of nowhere. And here you are, gazing at one of the last paintings in front of you and bearing the weight of his head on your shoulder.

“I asked you a question, little thing,” he says, mildly annoyed, which brings your complete focus back into the present.” What do I see? As in face value or interpretation?” you reply absentmindedly, immersing yourself in the hues of the canvas in front of you. “Do not complicate the question. Just answer what you feel like”, he says in a moderate tone. You move away from him a bit and keep on glancing at the painting that has got you enraptured.

You then turn towards him and say, “I see a woman who tastes freedom for the first time and consequently getting her expectations shattered”

He chuckles and gently turns you back and points to the written board beneath the art, "But here the artist has titled it as melancholic night because her husband has left her for her mistress. Seems like a painting inspired from real life, huh?”

"Yes, it is melancholic indeed. Who said freedom is always happiness? Yes the heart, the soul or whatever does feel lighter but when you find comfort in carrying burden, the void, the loss of it makes you difficult to stand your ground firmly"

"And why do you say freedom? Her husband just left her. She seems dejected to me."

Now it was your turn to chuckle and Sukuna was mildly amused as if you had all the answers to unanswered questions of the universe. You gathered yourself and replied, “maybe to you, but not to me. For me her features are gradually relaxing by the windowsill under the glow of pale moonlight and light winds caressing her face, that same face that craved to be caressed by a man who didn't regard her ever but…” you paused for a moment before turning back to face him again and meet his eyes “Anyway the realization is dawning on her that um there is no point in you know being devoted to a concept that doesn't serve your soul. Also notice how she is stepping into the light and freeing herself from darkness"

Sukuna swiftly shifted his gaze back to the art. “You mentioned shattering expectations. How does that happen?”

Sighing softly and tilting your head slightly in deep thought, you mused, “Um, I don't have an exact expression for that honestly. I feel it's more like once you are in darkness for so long it starts to feel comfortable and freedom feels like unworthy. Maybe the freedom she did get, it doesn't make her happy because she feels a void and tries to soak in the light, but I cannot figure out if it's helping her or not”

The man in front of you just looked at you wordlessly, wondering about the seemingly simple wisdom that perhaps could be the key to taking him out of the misery of his own life. But he pushes aside those thoughts to wonder about them in the loneliness of the night where you invade his heart with your uncomplicated demeanor, the warmth that comforts and not a signal for some impending burn or destruction. Pushing his left hand into his jacket pocket, he extends his other hand to interlace his fingers with yours, “Let’s go kid, we got to eat something”, and so he drags you aimlessly, but you don’t have it in you to say something else. After all, the natural warmth of his palms is something that you don’t want to miss.

The café is quaint and nostalgic, which reminds you of all the times you used to sit alone to do some assignments or read a book in solitude. But now you aren’t alone and a seemingly handsome man is in front of you along with a few pieces of pastry and a milkshake for you while he is stirring his cup of espresso.

You know only bits and pieces about him from what Yuuji has told you. You don’t want to pry into his life through others, as that would come off as creepy. But your curiosity wanted to know more about him in any way whether it is knowing about his intricate tattoos or the way he is so distant towards his relatives who seem you never know what must have happened to him to behave this way. Again, your stream of thoughts is broken with Sukuna’s intervention.

“Your eyes are indeed mirrors. Nothing can escape, whatever is perceived”

“Huh? What do you mean by that?” you were dumbfounded at this sudden remark

He takes a sip of coffee and looks out of the window. “Earlier, you mentioned feeling bad about having dark eyes, but I see that as your hidden power—an abyss that can drag someone down.”

You take a loud sip of your milkshake, which makes him turn his head towards you only for a moment before looking towards the glass window and staring at his faint reflection.

“Your eyes are pitch dark and reflects what isn't reflected by anything else in the human realm. What enters your eyes through your vision doesn't escape your thread by thread articulation of the visual fabric”

“Hmm, that’s poetic or should I say philosophical. I wish I had such wonderful eyes that you describe of, but unfortunately, they aren’t” You smile softly while stirring your milkshake.

He holds your palm and tugs you towards him, making eye contact that is so vulnerable that you get lost in the crimson of his vision, and he just whispers, “Well you do. A part of me is scared to look you in your eyes because I will find a version of myself that I buried deep. But another part of me wants to confront what lies within me through the reflection of your dark orbs that glimmer when rays of light hit your eyes, and you rarely ever squint”

This felt like some divine confession, as if it is a secret of the universe that he wants to make you a part of, as if you can never hide anything from him because he knows things about you that you do not even know of. He lets go of your hand and gets back to finishing his modest cup of coffee.

After a few moments of silence, you finish up everything on your plate though you feel Sukuna has hardly eaten anything, but he just shrugs and expresses that he is not fond of such “treats”. You end up rolling your eyes and trying to ignore his remarks, convincing yourself that at least you are indulging yourself at his expense. Ultimately, you feel contented that you spent an interesting day at the art museum and had pastries in the nearby café and now Sukuna will surely drop you back home, so you are looking forward to enjoying the car ride as well. You hope to know more about him if destiny permits, perhaps what is his music taste in case he plays something in his car.

a/n: Do you know the original WIP was more than a year old and the intended character was completely different at the time! It was actually Akaashi from Haikyuu but um anyway I changed it to Sukuna for no specific reason other than wanting his classical ass' attention. Also, what ideas do you have about his music taste? In my opinion, he probably listens to orchestral music in his car but heavy metal while working out.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk fluff #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk fanfic #sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna x y/n #ryomen sukuna #sukuna fluff #sukuna fanfic

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kvetchinglyneurotic · 2 months

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A list of things from my season 1 rewatch, in no particular order (but most of them are about Jamie because he's my special little guy)

Attention to detail! A lot of plot relevant things come up in the background a long time before they're addressed overtly — the news broadcast in the background mentions that Jamie's on loan from Man City in 1x02 (although Ted doesn't seem to be aware of it until 1x06); Roy is shown icing his knee in the background of several shots, ect.

Jamie displays a mixture of genuinely bad behaviour and behaviour that isn't inherently shitty but reads as him being an asshole in light of his general attitude, and might register as worrying outside of that context (thinking he'd have to sleep with whoever bid on him and his clear alarm at the thought; dissociating when Ted yells at him, flinching when Dani goes in for the high-five, his conviction that people (mainly Ted) are playing mind games when they're being nice)

I don't think they had the Amsterdam story planned out when they wrote 1x04 but it fits really well with Jamie's behaviour at the gala. My interpretation is Jamie asked Bex to come so he'd have someone he knows to bid on him/drive up the price but didn't intend for there to be a bidding war with Keeley specifically — he doesn't ask her to bid on him until her and Roy joking about him having to sleep with Cheryl (the older woman) freaks him out, and I think he may have asked initially asked Bex because he knew that as his girlfriend Keeley probably wouldn't bid on him

Cartrick strikes me as kind of similar to James Tartt in a way that might have represented some sense of familiarity, no matter how unpleasant, for Jamie — Jamie's worst behaviour is in 1x03-1x06 when the team is changing around him and he's losing his hold, but at the same time, losing that position of power in 1x06 does seem to mellow him out a bit

Love Rebecca's schemer era and how her better nature seems to slip through in these moments where she's not deliberately trying to scheme (offering Keeley a job, helping Ted through his panic attack)

Ted has grown on me a lot since my first watch through when I honestly found him quite annoying. That being said I still completely understand why Michelle wanted to get a divorce. Aromanticism aside, I would also divorce that man. Sorry Ted.

Forgot how much season 1 makes you want to murder Rupert. I want to murder him so much. Fuck that guy.

Roy and Jamie's mutual hatred era is weirdly hilarious when you know they're going to end up as friends. Aw it's your bestie <3

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #behold my long incoherent list #kvetch oc

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shinobusupremecy · 4 months

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Hi :3

Saw you're requests were open and that you added genshin to your thing, so I'm going against my better judgement rn.

(Oneshot) Yae Miko x gn autistic reader that takes everything at face value (like me), um angst because reader doesn't understand that miko is just teasing and they think she's actually annoyed 💀 anyways, obviously angst, but they talk it through with each other and she maybe realises her teasing isn't always a good idea.

Idk, I find the idea of miko being like "Oh shit, I fucked up" funny.

Yae Miko x gn!Reader

A/n: Now that you say it that reaction from Yae Miko would be hilarious! Thank you for requesting, you have the honour of being the first to request genshin and the first to request the one and only Yae Miko no less!

You can interpret this as platonic or romantic. It is a bit hard to tell in this fic I apologize😅

Word count: 1621

People in Inazuma city parted ways like the sea of moses from the way you ran, half putting on your shrine maiden clothes. You apologized when you nearly ran into people.

You had finally reached the foot of the mountain and you began running through the thousand red gates. The sun shined mercilessly down on you and you felt yourself beginning to sweat. You wanted to rest and just walk up but you were about to be late.

Running as you went you saw the floating rocks with the electrogana on it. If only you had an electro vision things would have been easier. Looking up the mountain again you saw you had a long way to go.

’Ahhh, all this hassle because I overslept!’ You internally cried.

After what felt like forever you finally reached the Narukami shrine. You went through the toji gate and bowed out of respect before going in.

The pink fox lady stood by the fox shaped sakura tree with her back turned. Her ear twitched and she let out a low hum.

”You know you really shouldn’t be late on your first day here. It is quite rude and makes for awful first impressions”

”I am sorry lady Yae Miko, you’re right. I shall do better!” You bowed to apologize. This was your first day working at the shrine as a shrine maiden. Yae Miko’s work quite frankly fascinated you so you wanted to work with her. Plus working with her meant some nice quality time for you two.

You saw two fingers snap right in front of you and you snapped out of your daydreaming.

“Honestly don’t go zoning out when I am about to give instructions. You really are out of it today”

“Yes yes, sorry about that”

”Ah well. The first thing to do is make sure the shrine is nice and tidy” Your eyes wandered around the shrine in search of something amiss before you heard an exasperated sigh.

”I meant look around the place. Go on, walk around” Yae sounded annoyed and with that you looked away a little ashamed before doing so.

You did find that some of the floorboards were dusty and since foxes roamed around there were a few things…littered.

”One must make sure the shrine is all nice and tidy before the people come. No one wants to pray with the smell of animal feces around do they or get their socks all dusty and slip” You nodded and then stood there…not knowing where the cleaning supplies are.

“Well? Get a move on” You jumped a little and turned to her.

“I don’t know where the cleaning supplies are”

Yae sighed again before smiling.

“If you used your two eyes your mother graced you with you would see it says ‘cleaning supplies’ over there” Yae pointed. Your cheeks grew a bit more red out of embarrassment.

‘This is so embarrassing? Does she treat every shrine maiden this way?’ You glanced at Yae who still looked at you. ’Is she annoyed with me?’

Taking the cleaning supplies you began to sweep the floorboards and clean up from the foxes.

”See? That wasn’t so hard? Only took you 10 minutes to understand everything and do what I say”

”That long!?” You yelled out in shock. No way it has already gone 10 minutes

”Yes that long. Is something wrong with you today? You’re usually not this slow” All these jabs you were getting started to really get on your nerves.

’Maybe she really is annoyed with me’ Your heart began sinking.

”It’s my first day working Yae, you know that” You countered earning a sigh from Yae.

”Mhmm I know but still, things like understanding a simple instruction like cleaning shouldn’t take that long” You nodded at her words.

“Hmf” Yae finished off and your heart began to sank a bit further.

‘What's up with her today? All of these remarks is starting to hurt' You thought before shaking your head. 'It will be better next time’

Next time came, again and again. No really big improvement on either part. You accidentally messed up a ritual and said the wrong words.

“...Walk forth and purify which is im-impure?” You said the wrong word and the stutter messed the whole ritual up leading to a annoyed sigh from Yae.

“We have gone over it a thousand times and you still don’t remember? The word is 'come' forth” You felt like she was jabbing at your heart or her words did.

Jab there, jab here.

“That’s not a way to sweep the floorboards, if anything you are just spreading the dust around” One jab.

“Why is your back so bent, posture straight or you’ll look like the shrimp I ate for lunch” Another jab.

You began fearing that you were more of a burden tothe shrine than helping. All these jabs from Yae Miko can’t be a mistake, she must be really annoyed. Not to mention she doesn’t do that with any other of the shrine maidens.

‘Fine! If she thinks I am a burden to the shrine then I won’t be coming’ Hurt, you came to that conclusion and stayed home.

Yae was waiting for you at the shrine. She tapped her foot on the floorboard impatiently before clicking her tongue.

’They must be late or something’ She concluded and went on her roundly checkup to see that everything on the shrine looks alright.

She had waited a while and you still haven't come, much to Yae’s annoyance. If you are sick just tell her. She looked down on the steep mountain however. Okay maybe not.

Eitherway you will probably come tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and you didn’t show up. Yae assumed you were sick and went on about her day.

When a week had gone by Yae didn’t really suspect anything. You could be sick, and from what she has learned humans can be sick for a week sometimes so that is what she assumed happened to you.

However when you didn’t come after that week she became really suspicious.

‘They had better not quit before telling me’ She thought bitterly. Enough was enough she decided and strode down the mountain to get to your house.

You were sitting on the couch of your home wondering if you should try to go to work again. You really wanted to, the job was cool, you loved Yae but what’s the point when she just seems annoyed by every single thing that you did?

Before you could think of finding her she found you first and knocked on your door. You got up and opened it to a menacing smiling Yae and a shiver ran up your spine.

“Well you look fine and dainty as ever. Care to tell me why you have been skipping work?” Yae asked and you inwardly sighed.

“I’m sorry it’s uh, complicated”

“It is nothing that I, Lady Yae Miko, can't understand. I have lived for several of hundred years and encountered many humans, I practically know you humans down to the bone. Now tell me, why have you been skipping work?”

“It’s just…I do like working at the shrine…but” You started slowly and Yae Miko stood there waiting.

“But?”

“I just feel like you are annoyed with me…you say these things” One of Yae Miko’s eyebrow rose and she let out a low questioning hum.

“I wanna work but every little thing I do is wrong. You say it all the time, either my posture isn’t right, I sweep the broom wrong, I’m slow for not knowing where the cleaning supplies are even though it is my first day”

“You…” Yae Miko began but you interrupted her

"I get that if I'm doing something wrong you should tell but the way you say it is really hurtful and minor things like not knowing where the cleaning supplies are on my first day is really...you know?" You nervously vented out in hopes of understanding.

Before Yae made you work she made it very clear to always tell her if something is wrong or if there is something you don't like. Communication is key and she lives strongly by that.

Yae lets out a heavy sigh.

“I see, so that’s what this has been about” You looked up to see Yae who to your surprised look troubled.

“I did say those things yes but I was merely teasing, I didn’t think you would take my words to heart”

“Just a ‘just kidding’ would be fine” You replied a bit sourly.

Yae scratched her head, her brows furrowing as she looked like she really was thinking hard. This was a new side to her you never thought you would see.

”I see now. I am…sorry I didn’t make it clear I was merely teasing. The things I said were far from the truth, I don’t think any of those things. You are hardworking and I see that you try” You stood there taking in Yae’s words. You felt relieved and your heart beated a bit faster.

”I will stop my teasing if it makes you that upset but please come back to the shrine. The mornings without you on the shrine is a lonely one for me” You looked at Yae and giggled. Seeing this side of her was interesting and fun, you couldn’t help but giggle a little.

”Sure, I’d like that” you replied and closed the door behind you.

”Perfect. Come now, I have a lot of new novels I have read the past few days while you were gone that I need to tell you about and when we reach the shrine you will get tea, you have been more than deserving for that”

#🦋eli writes genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x y/n #genshin #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin x y/n #yae miko #yae miko x reader #yae miko x you #yae miko x y/n

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antianakin · 3 months

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I saw a clip from TCW that supports your point about Anakin's training being poisonous to Ahsoka. It's the arc where she gets kidnapped by Trandoshans and meets the younglings also being held there; when she proposes they fight, she says, "My Master would never forgive me for running and hiding in a situation like this."

Like it's not, "My Master TAUGHT ME a different approach to situations like this." Or "I've learned how to fight enemies like this." Or even "My Master would WANT ME to fight."

Furthermore her tone wasn't lighthearted and jokey. So she genuinely seems to think that Anakin would (assuming she's at least being a little wry or hyperbolic) be genuinely annoyed with her for focusing on survival rather than taking the offensive. In general I tend to blame Ahsoka more than Anakin for her attitude (mainly because the narrative depicts her as being right) but I've got to say, that line does seem to indicate that he taught her a lot of weird things lol

Yeah, I've definitely noticed this moment and thought about it a little. In the context of the story and the narrative they present within the Padawan Lost arc, I feel like it's meant to be interpreted more as "My master wouldn't want me to give up hope of finding a way to escape because if you decide something can't be done then it's a self-fulfilling prophecy" rather than "My master would genuinely never forgive me if I did what was necessary for survival." That being said, the actual wording of the line is fascinating because it sends a really weird message when taken a little more literally.

While it's entirely possible Anakin has never once said anything like this to Ahsoka, it still tells us that THIS IS HOW AHSOKA SEES HIM. This is what she's picked up from Anakin's behavior, his teaching methods, etc. And this falls in line with the TOTJ episode where he takes her to do secret training that involves her getting shot at until she falls unconscious for an hour over and over and over again without rest or even medical attention in the name of teaching her how to "protect herself when he's not there." It's ruthless, it's merciless, and it's being excused away with this sort-of toxic attachment for her that Ahsoka, at her young and impressionable age, isn't quite picking up on which leads to her just absorbing that Anakin wouldn't approve of her doing what was necessary to survive if it meant running and hiding. She HAS to stand and fight or she's not good enough. It's better to die fighting than it is to live to fight another day, that's the message Ahsoka seems to be absorbing from Anakin, even if he doesn't always mean to teach it.

We even have instances where Anakin is trying to teach her the exact opposite of this earlier on. In the Ryloth arc, Ahsoka refuses to fall back when ordered and it has terrible consequences, something she has to learn from. In the Holocron Heist arc, Ahsoka refuses to pull back from an attack when ordered because she thinks she has an advantage that she doesn't realize is about to disappear and she gets assigned archive duty for her refusal to listen, something Anakin is upset about. So there's at LEAST two instances where Anakin explicitly wants Ahsoka to "run and hide" rather than stand and fight because it's the better strategy in the moment. It's also ANAKIN who is more insistent about leaving Ahsoka behind for the Citadel mission in order to protect her, too, so it's not like Anakin particularly WANTS Ahsoka to just go running headlong into danger all the time. Which means you could make the argument that Ahsoka is just projecting her own unwillingness to "run and hide" onto Anakin because it sounds better if she says it's her master who wouldn't want her to do this than it does to admit that SHE'S the one who thinks it's beneath her to run and hide.

There's also the comparison to the Geonosis arc where Ahsoka and Barriss get caught in the factory explosion and Ahsoka uses some mechanical tricks she picked up from Anakin to keep sending a signal, just trusting that Anakin will hear it and use it to come find her. Within that same episode, there's obviously the confrontations between Anakin and Luminara where we see Anakin getting BLINDINGLY upset with Luminara for even the implication of "leaving the padawans behind" (despite the fact that that's not what she's actually advocating). Ahsoka refuses to give up on the hope of being found and that faith is rewarded, but it's contrasted against Anakin's almost toxic refusal to even consider the idea that they MIGHT not find the padawans and he has to be ready for that possibility. The Padawan Lost arc has him facing that same possibility and this time, there's genuinely nothing he can do. He has no leads to follow, no signal Ahsoka can send that will reach him, and ultimately Plo has to come in to say that Anakin just needs to have faith that if he's taught Ahsoka well enough, she'll figure herself out and come home to them, and that's exactly what ends up happening.

So if you wanted to be really kind about this, you could say that Ahsoka is projecting some of her own stubbornness onto Anakin and that Anakin is learning his own lessons about trusting in Ahsoka's own abilities over the course of this season, culminating in the Padawan Lost arc. It's not meant to be that Ahsoka thinks Anakin will genuinely be upset with her for running and hiding but that Ahsoka doesn't actually LIKE running and hiding and her partnership with Anakin has allowed her the confidence to refuse to back down until she has absolutely no other choice.

I imagine that this, like in the TOTJ episode, is intended to be a good thing overall. Anakin might be pushing Ahsoka, but he is pushing her to be the kind of person who can survive things nobody else could. The other kids there are all Jedi trained, too, and they don't seem that much younger than Ahsoka herself, which indicates that Ahsoka has a leg up on them SPECIFICALLY due to her training with Anakin and that Jedi training alone isn't good enough. It's Ahsoka's connection to Anakin that makes her great. Which, you know, take that how you will, obviously. It's definitely something we know Filoni pulls on a LOT and is very important in how he chooses to write her.

If you wanted to be a little LESS kind in your interpretation, I do think it would be fair to say that Anakin's own temperament has perhaps... exacerbated the issue, that there COULD be things Anakin has done in his teaching that have led Ahsoka to believe he'd genuinely be disappointed in her if she didn't live up to his standards (again, TOTJ really highlights this aspect of their relationship), and that combined with her own stubbornness is causing her to say what she says in the Padawan Lost arc. If Anakin were able to send her a message, he MIGHT have actually told her to run and hide until he could find her, it seems pretty likely that that's what he'd do, but Ahsoka's interpretation of his behavior seems to be slightly different. So Ahsoka is someone who's very stubborn already before she meets Anakin, yes, but Anakin's way of teaching her makes her even WORSE about this rather than better because even though he does sometimes order her to retreat in battles, he's done other things that indicate to Ahsoka that he wouldn't accept this from her in other situations. That maybe the only reason he was upset in these other instances was because she didn't FOLLOW HIS ORDERS and in the absence of those orders, he expects her to fight as long and hard as she can instead of retreating.

You can of course continue to compare this to his line to her in the film where he says she'd never have made it as Obi-Wan's padawan but she MIGHT make it as his, indicating that she will always have to work for his respect and to earn her apprenticeship with him. I imagine that places some pressure on her as his student, she always has to be THE BEST, better than everyone else, or he might decide she's not worth it after all and decide to just drop her. It might not even be something she actively thinks or worries about, but just something that subconsciously sits with her all the time and invades their dynamic like a disease.

So yeah, I guess ultimately I think that this unwillingness to "run and hide" is a part of Ahsoka's personality from the beginning, I think that it would be very fair to assume that she HAS picked up on Anakin's disrespect for people who "give up" and that this has exacerbated her own stubbornness into something that could be considered arrogant and even potentially dangerous. If we take TOTJ into account, then it's something Anakin has pretty literally drilled into her rather than just something Ahsoka has picked up through his behavior and interactions with others.

And we can take this a step further and look at her behavior in the Ahsoka show and the way this dynamic is almost step for step repeated in Ahsoka's relationship with Sabine. Sabine has clearly picked up on Ahsoka being disappointed in her, that Ahsoka's willingness to train her can and will be taken away if Sabine doesn't act correctly, but that Ahsoka herself DOESN'T FOLLOW HER OWN ADVICE. So this leaves Sabine in a position where she clearly believes she has to work to earn Ahsoka's respect and training but she also knows Ahsoka doesn't even believe half of the things she tries to teach Sabine to do, so why bother following what Ahsoka says. This gives us a Sabine who is a complete and utter brat, whose worst tendencies towards stubbornness and selfishness are exacerbated instead of curbed, and who constantly feels like someone she should be able to completely rely on is always waiting for her to fail. Ahsoka herself doesn't like giving up and will always push a situation further than it needs to go in search of victory, but when Sabine does the same, Ahsoka condemns her for it. It's an immensely unhealthy dynamic and we know EXACTLY where she learned it from.

And while she claims she's going to "support" Sabine later on, she also says she's following in Anakin's own image here, that she's doing what Anakin did for her, which... I know what the show WANTS us to believe, but Anakin did NOT actually support her all the time and Ahsoka probably would've benefited from a master who was more willing to force her to face her own flaws and work on them rather than a master who just brushed aside her flaws so long as they didn't get in his way. Sabine isn't going to flourish under Anakin's type of "support" any more than Ahsoka did and this dynamic would just continue to be unhealthy because Ahsoka SHOULDN'T support Sabine in literally everything she ever does. Sabine SHOULD be told when she's made mistakes and be forced to acknowledge them and work to overcome them, otherwise she's just going to keep acting like a selfish asshole. Anakin passed down more of Palpatine's teachings to Ahsoka than he did the Jedi's, and we see that continuing with Ahsoka and Sabine. This isn't the "disaster lineage" as people like to call it, it's the insidious lineage. It's Sith training making its way insidiously into people who claim to be Jedi, infecting their every choice towards selfishness instead of compassion.

#star wars #ahsoka tano #the clone wars #star wars the clone wars #tcw #ahsoka critical #ahsoka tano critical #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical #anti anakin #anti anakin skywalker #anti ahsoka show

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misc-obeyme · 8 months

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Oh damn if I'm not too late, maybe "I just wanted to make sure you're okay." with Levi?

Hello, anon!

Okay, this one ended up being hurt/comfort. I almost wrote the whole thing without including the dialogue prompt, too. But I realized I hadn't used it yet while I was writing the part where I did end up using it lol. So it was easy enough to fix that.

As always, Levi's anxiety and low self esteem hits close to home for me and that always makes him a liiiittle hard to write for. BUT I feel like I'm getting the hang of it maybe. I had less of an issue with this one than I did with his daily chat scene, anyway.

Thanks for participating!

1,000 Followers Event!

GN!MC x Leviathan with prompt "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Warnings: hurt/comfort, the usual Levi anxiety and such, brief appearances and mentions of the other brothers

Everybody knew that you were close with Leviathan. The other brothers never said it, but it was clear from the way they looked at the two of you, always together, always talking animatedly about your shared interests. Everyone noticed the amount of time you spent in Levi's room, watching anime and playing video games. Even Lotan seemed fond of you.

Levi was the only one who didn't quite realize the special bond you had. Not because he didn't notice how often you were with him, but because he simply couldn't believe that you would be interested in someone like him. There must be some other reason why you were always hanging around him. It was probably because video games and anime reminded you of the human world where you had enjoyed such interests before you were brought to the Devildom.

Levi easily explained away the things you did that didn't fit this narrative. He told himself he was imagining things when you smiled brightly any time he entered the room. He convinced himself that he was just the closest person any time you turned to him when you needed something.

Every day, he talked himself out of the idea that you might just like him for himself. Levi just couldn't wrap his head around that at all.

A few of his brothers tried to clue him in, but Levi came up with excuses for everything they said, too. Most of them gave up, but they were all equally annoyed at the way he seemed determined not to see your true feelings.

The truth was that Levi was too scared to confront you about it. It was just so much easier to pretend it wasn't happening. Especially since you hadn't actually told anyone that you felt anything for him beyond the casual friendship he kept believing your relationship was. What if everybody was wrong, like he suspected they were? He couldn't handle your rejection. It was too much to even think about it.

And yet things couldn't continue this way and everything changed one lazy afternoon. Everyone was at the House of Lamentation since it was the weekend. Lucifer was holed up in his office doing paperwork and Beel was no doubt in the kitchen, but everyone else was in the common room, doing various activities.

Even Levi was out of his room, though he was still playing a handheld video game. You were sitting beside him, watching over his shoulder. This was a fairly normal activity for the two of you. You both enjoyed watching the other person play and after a while, Levi would hand the game over to you so he could watch for a bit.

Asmo was sitting at the table bedazzling a new bag he had bought recently and Mammon was on the other side of you, scrolling through his D.D.D.

Across from where you and Levi sat, Satan and Belphie were in discussion about their latest idea for pranking Lucifer.

Satan was holding open a book of spells. "If I'm interpreting this correctly, it will cause the person it hits to state their deepest secret out loud."

"LMAO," Levi said from where he was listening in. "Do you really think a curse like that would work on Lucifer?"

"If we're sneaky enough and he doesn't see it coming, it might," Belphie said.

Levi handed you the video game so you could start playing. "You guys aren't sneaky enough to pull that off."

"We should probably test it," Satan said, still looking at the book. "I wouldn't want to successfully hit Lucifer with a curse only to find out it doesn't work as we thought."

Before anyone could do or say anything else, Satan recited the spell. It hit Levi squarely in the chest.

Levi fell back into the couch with a thud. "Even though everybody thinks MC likes me, I know they only hang out with me because my interests remind them of home!"

The silence that filled the room was broken only by the slap of Levi clapping his hands over his mouth and the cutesy music coming from the handheld device that had gone limp in your hands.

"Well, now we know it works," Belphie said mildly.

You looked at Levi, but he couldn't bring himself to meet your gaze. "Do you really think that?" you asked, the pain evident in your voice.

Levi wasn't sure what to say. If he denied it, you would know he was lying, but if he said yes…

He couldn't look at you and he couldn't say anything and he couldn't move. All he could do was sit there with his hands covering his mouth, his eyes squeezed shut.

Levi heard the sound of you putting the video game down on the table. He could hear you getting up from the sofa, heard the hitch in your breath as though you were trying to hold back your tears. Levi heard when you left the room, closing the door behind you.

"They're gone," Mammon said.

Levi opened his eyes and slowly lowered his hands.

"You're not really going to just let them go like that, are you?" Asmo asked.

Levi glared at him for a moment, then glared at Satan. "Why would you do that?"

Satan blinked. "I had no idea you would say that. I thought for certain you would say something about your favorite anime character. It seemed safe enough."

"Ya better go after 'em, Levi," Mammon said.

Levi considered this. They were right, of course. He couldn't just let you go. He had to go after you. He had to tell you why he continued to force himself to believe something that deep down he knew wasn't true. It was going to be the most terrifying thing he had ever done, but he had to do it. Not for himself. For you. The pain he had heard in your voice was more than enough motivation to help him overcome the fear of facing you.

Levi didn't say anything to his brothers. He simply stood up from the couch and went to look for you.

The first place Levi went was your room, but you weren't there. He poked his head into Lucifer's office only to receive a glare from Lucifer himself. You weren't there, either. He found Beel in the kitchen, but you were still nowhere to be seen. He checked the music room, the planetarium, the living room, the attic, even his brothers' rooms. Where else could you have gone? Did you leave the house all together? He checked the garden, but you weren't there, either. Perhaps you went to Purgatory Hall? Or the Demon Lord's Castle? Or somewhere else entirely?

Levi sighed. If he was going to leave the house to look for you, he wanted to be prepared. So he went to his room to grab a few things.

Levi opened the door to his bedroom and stopped dead in his tracks.

There you were, sitting in his bathtub, hugging yourself and looking miserable.

"MC?" he asked, too surprised to see you to do anything else.

You looked up at him and frowned. "What are you doing here?"

Levi blinked. "This is my room."

You looked around the room as though you were surprised to find yourself there. "Oh. Right."

"I was looking for you everywhere," Levi said. "I searched the whole house. Were you here the whole time?"

You didn't answer him, only ducked your head down and hugged yourself harder, your knees pulled up as you slumped down in his tub.

Levi closed the door to his room. He sat down on the floor next to the tub and looked down at his hands. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

When you didn't say anything, Levi began to ramble. "It's just that you're so cool and I'm so lame and I couldn't believe that you would actually like me just because I'm me and I knew it wasn't like that really, but it was too scary to think-"

"Levi."

Levi stopped talking and looked up at you. Your gaze was on the far wall.

"I came to your room instead of going to mine because this is where I feel safe," you said. "I feel safe when I'm here with you. And it isn't because of the anime or the video games or any of that. It's because of you. I thought you knew that."

"I did!" Levi insisted, then corrected himself. "I do. I do know it, MC."

You looked at him then, reaching a hand over the top of the tub, offering it to him. "Just get in here and hug me, won't you?"

Levi stood up immediately, grabbing your hand and climbing into the tub with you. You didn't even hesitate, collapsing forward into him, wrapping your arms around his torso, resting your head on his chest.

Levi felt himself blush profusely, but he didn't say anything or try to pull away. Instead he just returned your embrace, holding you close in his arms.

"I like you, Levi," you said, your face pressed into his chest.

Levi's blush deepened, but he powered through it. "I… I-I like you, too, MC."

Even though Levi's anxiety was sky high, even though he was still nervous to be this close to you, he was also the happiest he had ever been in his life. Holding you close like that, hearing you say that you liked him, being able to say it back, everything about these moments filled him with a joy he'd never known. He vowed to never hurt you again, to only ever tell you how he really felt, what he really meant. He vowed not to let his own insecurity get in the way of the truth of your heart.

1,000 Followers Event | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #obey me fanfiction #obey me fanfic #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me leviathan x mc #obey me levi x reader #obey me levi x mc #leviathan x reader #leviathan x mc #misc 1k event #misc writes

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shockwavve · 1 year

Text

“We’re free now! You don’t have to follow him anymore!”

Is anyone else really curious about this line and its implications in Earthspark? It’s spoken by Frenzy with a sort of relieved desperation, like they didn’t want to be following Soundwave to begin with? Or like Megatron did them a favor by “freeing” them from Soundwave?

Thiiiis strikes me as odd, if not morbidly interesting, because popular theory and interpretations of the Casettes and Soundwave are almost always portrayed as familial, and tight-knit, with the Casettes following Soundwave willingly because they like him or some other positive motivation. But this singular line almost seems to imply that they didn’t have a choice but to follow Soundwave - and I might even go so far as to say, with the way Frenzy’s voice wavers, that they were scared of him?

What happened to Soundwave? Frenzy and Laserbeak seem extremely wary of him, and Ravage is the only one who returns to Soundwave - and note that it’s immediately followed up with Soundwave using Ravage for something he clearly had planned for ahead of time. So, you tell me, did Ravage really return to Soundwave because he felt some sense of loyalty to him? Or did he return to Soundwave because he KNEW about his part in Soundwave’s plans later on, and felt obligated to? And if so, WHY are they all scared of him?

Did Megatron’s betrayal change him, maybe? Throughout the episode, he definitely seems more... expressive than normal - in a distinctly angry way. Like, I’ve never seen an iteration of Soundwave quite so livid in any situation. Annoyed? Yes. But Soundwave has always been characterized as the cool and calm and collected type - being suave and mysterious is kind of, like, his thing, alongside unmatched and unquestioning loyalty to Megatron and the ability to get shit done. But in Earthspark? Hachi machi, this man is ANGRY AS HELL, and it’s almost like his battling decisions themselves are suffering for it!

He attacks Megatron directly, commands his Casettes to attack Megatron directly - knowing FULL WELL that they can’t beat him and that they should probably be worried about the 2 other fully capable Autobots nearby - and is so off his game that he lets his primary weapon get disabled! He literally tells Megatron directly that the situation is personal, he throws Megatron’s own words back in his face, basically yells at him when he calls him a traitor, and then GROWLS at Arcee? Like, a VISCERAL goddamn rage reaction! This is not the calm and collected Soundwave we know from almost every other continuity! And... somehow, considering how spot on Earthspark has been with characterizing every other character, somehow I don’t think this is just a case of Earthspark writers making Soundwave out of character. I think Sounds is genuinely hurt, and sad, and angry in a way he hasn’t been in any other situation before, and I think it’s changed him and made him lash out in uncharacteristic ways because he just doesn’t know how to deal with it.

You could say “Oh, well his plan was obviously to get captured all along considering the end of the episode, so it’s probably just a ruse/act” - but was it though? Think of the beginning of the episode! He had the Casettes steal a badge to get into GHOST Headquarters! I think the original plan was to use that badge to sneak Ravage in, not to get captured on purpose. Getting captured was probably something he either had to come up with on the spot, or an emergency backup plan in the event that the initial one failed. An emergency backup plan they... ultimately ended up going with.

So... where does that leave Soundwave...? Where does that leave the Casettes...? Are they scared of him because they’ve noticed the change too? Are they scared of him because, god forbid, they’ve been on the receiving end of some of his anger? ...Could they be scared of him because of the popular theory about what happened to Rumble...? If it’s true... are they angry with him? Bitter? Worried that they could be next, or that Soundwave no longer has their best interests in mind?

What happened to Soundwave?

#earthspark spoilers #earthspark #transformers earthspark #tf earthspark #tf #tfe #tfes #transformers #soundwave #tf soundwave #tf rumble #tf frenzy #laserbeak #tf ravage #maccadam #maccadams #long post

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lizard-dumbass · 1 year

Text

Alright so the TOH brainrot has come back in full force after the finale came out so now i too am making one of them lists of things that i liked/stuck out to me. Also sorry if this ends up just being a bunch of incoherent nonsense

HOLY SHIT TITAN!LUZ. the design is so cool what more can i say. Furthermore,

HOLY FUCK LUZ DIED????? i was so not expecting that and good lord was it heartbreaking. Eda and King's reaction to Luz's death were also heartbreaking, and so was the Collector finally realizing what death really is. And oh my god puppet!Camila crying as the balls of light pass by her, showing us that she has had the realization that her daughter died. After the grief and trauma of losing Manny, Camila and Luz had a heart to heart which made their bond stronger than ever, only for Camila to lose Luz aswell.

LUZ SAID THE THING! NOW EAT THIS SUCKAAAAAA!!!!!

THE BOILING ISLES IS BIGENDER BABY! i honestly love the titan so much now. His bad girl coven t-shirt and glyph pants and dad-bod are absolutely everything. (Also what's with the little hooty worm sticking out of her eye socket??)

The goddamn bread pun 😭 that warms my heart so much

The raeda in this episode was IMMACULATE. I was really hoping for a kiss but i'm still happy with what WAD gave us. The loving stares, Raine's absolute joy when Eda and Titan!Luz came to their rescue in the throne room, the hugs and nuzzles, the cuddling in their new nest, etc. They seem so relaxed and happy at the end. The world has been saved and now they can finally live their lives together and rekindle their relationship. Oh and how could i forget the EARRING SWAP!! they're wearing eachother's earrings!!! I've seen quite a few ppl interpreting the exchanging of earrings/jewelry as a marriage custom in the demon realm, implying that Eda and Raine are married in the timeskip. I never cared much for the idea of raeda getting married but you know what? I like this headcanon.

Raine whistling raine's rhapsody/eda's reqiuem.

Hunter is a palisman carver! And he has a new palisman! Apparently the little blue jay's name is Waffles and that's just adorable.

Raine also has a palisman now and it's a little fox! I wonder what their name is though.

The entire hexsquad has matching Flapjack tattoos! Also Flapjack's grave, that gave me so many feels. But im so happy to see how Hunter has healed!

Harpy Lilith!

Eda is the principal of a school now?

Eda's hook arm! Also just everyone's new outfits/appearances in general. I love Raine's fully white hair and their scars and their outfit just oozes gender. I love Luz's outfit and punk eyeliner. I love Amity's hairstyle. I love how Lilith kept her short ginger hairstyle. I love Gus's new hair and his little beard. I love Willow's shorter hair and sporty outfit. Mattholomule has a real mustache now!

Fuck yeah they figured out how to remove sigils so now the BI residents can do magic like the Titan really intended!

Aladarius canon??

Everyone reuniting with their dads. Amity running to Alador whilst Odalia just stands at the side with an annoyed face. Fucking priceless. Willow's dads kissed on screen! Hunter thinking no one would be there for him only for Darius and Eberwolf to show up and accept him into their family. my heart 😭❤️

Eda and Camila finally got to meet!

Luz reuniting with King and Eda made me sob so unbelievably hard.

Luz and Vee graduated together!

Luz goes to college in the demon realm!

I thought she was giving all her Azura stuff away at first but i think she's actually bringing it all with her to college.

I love everything about Luz's quinceañera (or should i say KING-ceañera)

I love the very last part where every character we've come to know and love over these 3 wonderful years (except Odalia lmfao) say "Byeee!" to the audience. What a perfect way to end this series.

I think that's it lol i have so many thoughts

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trolagygirl2022 · 5 months

Text

Synastry with my ex

His Venus trine my ascendant

He found me really pretty. Like he would tell me a bunch of times and attimes just would stare at me (meanwhile I found it very creepy). (His asteroid aphrodite is also in my 1st house). To be honest, I really like hanging out with him. We would have a lot of fun together and we have a shit ton of chemistry.

His Mercury in my 5th house

Again I really liked hanging out with him, when were together it's like the communication just flows through, very natural and we'd have a lot of fun. I would also like to add that his Venus is in my 5th house too so it's interpreted the same.

My Moon opposite his Venus

Though yes the chemistry was there we would have certain disagreements. Kinda silly but we would argue over my music taste (especially kpop).

My Sun opposite his Mars

They were times where he would be too bold and boastful for my liking. Either he could be quite aggressive or can just annoy me. (yall nothing terrible happened PLEASE don't take it that way, when I mean aggressive I'm talking about how he can be quite vengeful towards others and when he gets mad I would think he's just overreacting)

His Moon sextile my Mars

His feelings were quite strong. He was the one who approached me, asked me out, he bought gifts for me, etc.

His Jupiter in my 9th house

He's the type of person I can have serious, philosophical conversations with. We talked quite a lot about that type of stuff and would inspire eachother to learn. I learned quite a lot from this connection.

His Mars in my 3rd house

We met in middle school you see and we just had a childish and energetic dynamic. He'd make me laugh and we'd have some arguments but most of them were light hearted. I really like this placement, it's a really fun placement to have.

#astro community #astrology #astro placements #mercury synastry #venus synastry #sun synastry #mars synastry #synastry #astro notes #astrology synastry #mars 3rd house #jupiter 9th house #venus trine ascendant #sun opposite mars

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sofoulandfairaday · 4 months

Note

Please share all of your Sirius and Bellatrix thoughts ♥️

I have way too many, darling.

The TLDR is it is our choices that show us who we truly are, far more than our abilities. The long version is under the cut.

When reading about them I usually prefer stories where their original 8-9 year gap is preserved (it annoys me to no end when people write the Order and the Death Eaters as entirely made up of people in the same couple of years in Hogwarts —really? Was the conflict exclusively waged by child soldiers? Were Dumbledore and Voldemort just chilling before 1977, when they decided to start recruiting?). With that being said, I can also enjoy fics where - for shipping purposes - their ages are more compatible, to make them share time in Hogwarts or during the First Wizarding War.

I think they are very, very alike personality-wise. The narrative draws some delicious writing parallels between them, both physically and in their expressions, vices and virtues, and choices. Directly between them, might I add. The author underlines the difference between Bella and Narcissa more than once, we're meant to see it, and similarly we're meant to see the similarities between Bella & Sirius.

They are haughty, passionate, powerful, competent, arrogant, bright, much more intelligent than the fandom thinks they are. In general, they suffer from the stigmatization that many characters - but some people in real life do too - that someone who is intense and impulsive cannot possibly be as intelligent as people who are meek, soft-spoken, generally more controlled. Think what the fandom does to Sirius vs Remus and Bella vs her sisters, when every arrow points to the fact that they are actually the cleverest in these pairings.

They are both some shade of mentally ill, and not because of the curse of the Blacks - half the Blacks went mad didn't they? What's the saying? Every time a Black is born the gods flip a coin. god the Targaryen-Black parallels are gold - Sirius is very likely horribly depressed in OOTP, something no one around him seems to understand, infuriatingly. The only one that seems to get it is Harry, who has the literal Dark Lord living in his brain (= bigger problems to deal with). Bella is... I don't know what she is, ask me after my psychiatry module next year, but my money is on PTSD after Azkaban - after all, she didn't have the escape of an Animagus form behind bars. She would also very likely be victim-blamed for these different feelings, which would lend itself to a delicious nobody else in the world understands us but us type of post-Azkaban dark!fic which I would love to read.

They are both skilled at magic, and while they might despise each other for their respective political views, they respect each other because of this. Bella is probably above him in terms of magical power and skill, because she's 9 years older and because of Voldemort's training, but Sirius seemed to be keeping up quite well with her during their fight in the DoM.

Speaking of which, I am sure that Bellatrix's scream of triumph was due to her winning their duel, not because she thought she had killed him and that is probably the single thing I love the most about HBC's interpretation of her in the movies. That look. 10/10.

I am of the opinion that Bella is all bark and no bite when it comes to certain members of her family, especially her sisters. Sure, she might say that she wants to prune her family tree but 30 years later in the beginning of DH, she still calls Andromeda sister. I'm sure she would want nothing more than to put him under lock and key for the rest of his life and never let him escape, not kill him. And, to me, the way Sirius speaks of his family is very interesting. I'm sure he firmly believes that he hates them, but his actual feelings are more complex than that. You can hate someone and still desire their love, their respect. You can hate that they are the only people in the world who understand you - and hate yourself more in turn, for it.

Sirius seems to me like someone haunted by his own darkness. He, much like Harry, would be constantly worried that he's becoming like them. I'm sure it's a weak spot for him and I wish we had heard more bickering, or at least a full interaction between Bella and Sirius (I feel like she would claim him as hers, underline how much he cannot escape his own blood, even just to mock him/unsettle him in battle). But what Dumbledore says to Harry is true: it doesn't matter how alike they are, it's their choices that matter much more. And I feel like this is why the two of them would never reconcile in canon. They stand for different things.

I also think there might be some - and I know Freud is controversial nowadays, but bear with me - penis envy, on her part. Because Sirius was born the heir - something she would have given her left hand to be: to be born and die a Black instead of being expected to marry into another family - and he squandered it all away by consorting with werewolves and mudbloods. But no. He got everything and pissed on it, and it's just not fair. And by choosing not to come back, even in the two years after Regulus' death, he made sure that the Black Family name will die with him- and I think that is just something she can never ever forgive him.

Now. Everybody knows I don't like TCC and my preferred view of Bella is someone with fertility issues, even to the point of being sterile.

[I read an amazing fanfic once and a line from it stuck in my brain - "If I can't be life, then I'll be death"]

But. If we do see it as canon. This is also the reason why - despite being overjoyed at Delphi's birth - I am convinced that she wished for a boy when she was pregnant. If she had a boy with the Dark Lord, who couldn't possibly give them his name, the House of Black would have an heir. This is also the reason why I don't thing she was necessarily opposed to having children with Rodolphus - the "spare" would have been her heir.

Bellatrix would say that Regulus was her favourite cousin, but truth be told, it was really Sirius whom she respected more - at her core, in my opinion, Bellatrix is really only someone who respects power. Sirius is like her that way.

But Bellatrix is clearly a cruel person, which Sirius is not (or at least, he tries not to be: Kreacher and Snape are two very particular cases of people who are mean to him back). Also, Sirius' view of the world is much more egalitarian - If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. Bellatrix is clearly someone who sees the world in terms of hierarchies, and lives within them (see: how she acts around Voldemort and what is implied of her treatment of house-elves who obey their masters: there is a scale and some serve others, and as long as they do so well they have certain rights; disobey, you get punished).

(Bellatrix is somewhat a feminist character but let's be real- she's not a revolutionary. She went to the Dark Lord and showed him just how powerful she was - aka my wand is bigger than all these male DEs' - and he said "okay, fair, I'll give you the Mark", thereby freeing herself. She is not a "equal representation for women inside terrorist organizations!!" type of girlie)

I also love how her death parallels Sirius'. It's thematically beautiful and it excuses her death coming at the hands of one Molly Weasley (who could never ever in a million years have beaten her on skill alone). She dies because she is arrogant. It's one of her traits. Overconfidence. She was always meant to die like that.

[coincidentally one of the reasons why she would not be a hufflepuff like some suggest: this woman is not humble]

I could go on, but I think I've rambled enough.

P.S. Let's not sleep on the fact that the two of them together would be hot.

#sirius black #bellatrix lestrange #bellatrix black #sirius x bellatrix #asks #answered

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