Bruce finds out the hard way which of his kids is okay with the 'unadoption' joke threats he makes when they annoy or stress him out. "Why did I adopt you?"..."I still have your adoption certificate. I wonder if the orphanage accepts returns?"..."I knew I should have left you on that street corner where I found you."
Dick fires back with twice as much sass, sometimes rolling his eyes and flipping off Bruce when he gets older.
Young!Jason looks so scared the first time he hears one, and Bruce never jokes about it again. Adult!Jason makes jokes about unadopting himself.
Tim is far too tired to register that it was a joke and gets quiet and avoids Bruce completely for the rest of the week until Bruce realizes what he did wrong and tracks his son down. They talk and Bruce never implies regretting to adopt Tim again.
Cass laughs along with him before pulling out her adoption certificate from her pocket and grinning, scaring him. His kids's adoption paperwork was all stored in a hidden, impenetrable, designed-by-Batman safe. Laughter fades and she just whispers "You'll never be rid of me."
Bruce- Maybe Talia wants you back.
Damian, not even phased- And maybe Alfred would have rather been working for a doctor than a clown-hating, nocturnal, combat furry, but I guess we're both out here disappointing our parents.
Kon: what is there that I lack? I'm perfect for your son
Jason: I would say he lacks common sense
Dick[sighing]: describe why you love Tim?
Kon: he is a huge coffee addict, the Robin costume looks ugly but I guess those are the things that make him look hella attractive not to mention he has a great as-
Bruce, Damian, Jason & Dick [ready with their weapons on Kon's neck]: be careful how you finish that sentence
Kon[flying out of the window]: HE GOT A GREAT ASS
[An hour later]
Metropolis reporter: today's breaking news Batman and the Robins are chasing after Superboy while throwing profanities. Oh wait we see Red Hood let's ask him about the situation
Reporter: Red Hood what brings you all to the metropolis today?
Red Hood: oh it's just a family outing to promote tourism to Gotham not like we are trying to make Superboy disappear from the face of the earth and bury him somewhere. Now now where did our Superboy kid run off to now?
Reporter:
[In Kent house hold]
Kon: Dad...you know I love you soo much right?
Clark[sighing]: what did you do this time?
Kon: Dad you gotta protect me they are coming for me
Clark: they who?
Kon: the bat fa-
[Window breaking and batfam entering]
Kon[already using Clark as human shield]: they are here dad
Bruce: Clark stay out of this
Clark[confused]: what did he do for the whole bat family to chase after him
Damian: ask him yourself
Clark: so what did you do?
Kon[shyly grinning]: I complimented Tim's ass..
Clark: I mean I see where you are coming from..I mean Bruce also has a great ass..but that's not the point now.
Dick: guess it's time to end the whole Superman bloodline
Jason: deviation in the plan now it's both dad-son duo
Clark: Can I say something before I die?
Bruce[with kryptonite]: you may speak
Clark: Bruce I always wanted to tell you something, you look really beautiful, and last Thursday, you looked amazing in those black undies.