#I get sad so easily but Seb deserves love

[babiebom]

Would I give them head?

A/N: I am so sorry for this I'm writing it at 3 am and I couldn't get it out of my head. I've been giggling for the past 10 minutes like a 7th grader. Also if you are reading this let me know if I should do something special for 50 followers. I know it's not a lot but I am so grateful! If yes let me know what I should do!

Tw: sexual content. Not explicit but it like look at the title. Cursing.

Genre: headcanons nsfw

Wc: idk it depends on which person. Probably 2+ for each.

This is including almost every male stardew character(obviously no kids) plus ridgeside plus expanded but not all because I cannot remember every single character and I don't wanna research rn.

Masterlist

Sebastian

Duh no doubt about it

He is the love of my life (well one of them)

I would give him the best head wymmmmm

Sam

Yes boy deserves it

Golden retriever coded guys deserve good head idc

Shane

Love sad men it's a yes

Kinda wanna make him cry because it's so good.

Maybe I can cure him

Elliott

No

Sorry it's not that I dislike him he's just not my favorite?

Maybe once as a treat but no other time than that

Harvey

Yeah he's the doctor for a small town

I gotta

Maybe he will stop billing me everytime I die

Alex

No

I am not attracted to this man he is more bestie coded to me

If he asked i would allow him a handjob I guess

Gus

Nope

Maybe he gets a Lil handjob as a treat because his food is good

Gunther

Maybe?

He kinda-

But not enough idk....

George

The reason I am writing this r n

The answer is no but the thought of doing it made me cackle

Lewis

Absolutely not

Fuck you old man

Pierre

NO

I hate this lying ass bitch I give you a kick

Willy

No sorry

He prolly smells like fish and salt and I am not fond

Love him tho stinky man

Kent

YES

would give him the sloppiest toppy known to man

He deserves it he needs it i want it pls bless me

I could beat Jodi's ass if it comes to it idc

Victor

Yes

I find him quite cute overlooking his slight classism.

Also for standing up to his mom for himself love that him

Demetrius

No

I'd rather give Robin head

He deserves no head for being crappy stepdad

Marlon

No

As much as I like him he probably does not shower

Also he is for the marnie's only

Clint

No

I wanna punch him so bad

Mr Qi

Maybe?

I don't find him attractive

But at the same time I find him mysterious and the might just be enough to convince me

Grandpa

HA

HAAAAAAA

no what is wrong with you

Andy

No

Prolly tastes like battery acid

He also gives off racist vibes

Wizard

Yeah

He's chill he can get some head

Morris

Maybe for a discount

Im equating Joja to Coke and I like coke

So only if he promises to give me a discount on stuff I want

Phillip

YES

Another love of my life

It was unexpected for me to love him but he is so cute to me

June

Yuperoni pepperoni

We love a man who is talented

Could easily convince me to give him head if he plays the piano for me ngl

Jeric

Maybe

I love but also hate him

He also gives off bestie vibes

Shiro

Yeah

I feel like he needs it:(

Ezekiel

No

I do however wanna smack his bald head

Not in a mean hateful kid of way I just wanna smack it

Lorenzo

Dilf Ngl

Maybe its because of his name idk

Answer is yes

Kimpoi

It was here where I started looking up characters bc i felt bad for leaving them out

No thank you I will not

Lance

Don't know much about him but I think hes cute so yes

His hair is cool

Isaac

Again don't know much about him hopefully he is not a child

But yeah he's cute so he gets a Lil head from me

Ian

If he takes a shower yes

Otherwise no

Kenneth

Yeah

I like his hair and I think he's cool for being an electrician

I know nothing else about him

Sean

Yeah he's cute so he can have some head

Im so sorry for not knowing im too busy simping over Seb and Phillip ngl

Anton

Uhhhhhh

Uhhhhhhhhhmaybe?

Im not attracted but unattracted to him so sure

Bryle

No

He reminds me of family

Like his face

Jio

Yea

As I have said before I love a mysterious man

Love a man with a sword

Zayne

I have no idea what this is

But I guess??

Have no reason to hate him so sure

Bert

No

He looks stinky :((

I also feel like his wife would beat my ass

Freddie

No

He is for the Lola's only

I also feel like he wouldn't be able to feel it

Mr Aguar

No

I do not enjoy his face

Pika

Simply because im assuming his food is good

I'll say sure simply for free food

Richard

No

So sorry

But no

Sonny

I will give him a platonic handjob

He deserves it bc he's a butler and probably does not get a day off with this family

#stardew valley #sdv #stardew #sdv headcanons #stardew headcanon #stardew valley headcanons #sdv shitpost #stardew shitpost #stardew valley shitpost #sdv expanded #stardew expanded #ridgeside village #sdv sebastian #sdv sam #sdv harvey #sdv shane #sdv elliott #sdv lewis #sdv pierre #sdv george #stardew victor #stardew valley ridgeside #stardew sebastian #stardew shane #stardew sam #stardew harvey #stardew elliott #stardew alex #sdv alex #sdv kent

[prettyboyvael]

Accidentally made myself sad thinking about how Sebastian has probably never felt loved in his entire life. His family neglected him and then exiled him, they threw him out and said that they never wanted to see him again. Elthina ‘cares about him’ but only as she cares for all the makers children and dissaproves of almost every decision he makes on his own. And then when Hawke chooses to spare *nders it only cements the idea in Sebastian’s mind that no one will ever love him or put him first.

#Sebastian vael #vael family #it is very easy to think too much about Sebastian’s past and then become sad #I get sad so easily but Seb deserves love #elthina #Hawke #text posts #my posts #not tagging *nders because this post isn’t about him and I don’t want people clowning on it #this post is about Sebastian and how he is constantly put down by everyone in his life just for existing and having feelings

[fooled-around-and-fell]

Can We Still Be Friends

Summary: Sebastian doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

Genre: Angst, romance

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader

a/n: I saw a video on tiktok by Alex Galorneau (raulbeixx) and it hit me so hard I started crying. I just had to write a terrible fanfiction about it because I have the mind and hands of destruction.

“I really like you.”

...

Shouldn’t have said that. Why did you have to ruin everything, Seb?

Seb asked himself.

It’s been a few days since he last saw you - since he confessed. To be honest, he wasn’t exactly hiding it from the start, but you didn’t think he’d confess. Especially when you have a boyfriend.

But Seb had hope. He’s seen how your boyfriend treated you, how he’d leave you behind and completely forgot about your existence unless you’re talking to Seb. So perhaps Collins You deserved better, and Seb knew he could treat you right.

If only you’d give him the chance.

Yet again, who knows? Maybe you will give Seb a chance. You didn’t reject him on the spot, and Seb didn’t exactly say you had to give him an answer immediately. Seb was holding on to the small hope that he has - that maybe you feel the same and you’d leave your jerk of a boyfriend for him.

Wishful thinking, maybe? He calls it being optimistic.

“Seb?”

There you are now.

Seb turned to face you and smiled. “Hey! I was just.. walking my neighbor’s dog. Remember Nory?”

You crouched down and Nory immediately licked your whole face. “Well hello to you too, big girl.”

You stood back up and Seb knew in that moment you weren’t just doing your afternoon jog. You knew he’d be here and you’ve got something to say. He just hopes it’s good news.

“Listen, I-” You sigh. “I like you too, Seb. But.. I can’t. I’m with Collins and he’s.. we’re happy.”

Of course.

What did you expect, Seb?

“Seb?” You tug the hem of his sleeve. “Please say something..”

“I-” he shrugged, laughing at himself because he can’t come up with any words.

“Seb-”

“I gotta go, Y/N. I can’t-  I just can’t right now.” Seb sighed and started walking away, Nory following behind him.

--

“You’re so dramatic.” Mackie frowned hearing Seb’s story.

The moment Seb walked into the party with a sullen look, Mackie bugged him - begged him to tell him what’s wrong.

“Excuse me?” Seb raised a brow. “You’re dramatic.” He muttered.

Mackie laughed, “come on man, there are other fish in the sea. You’ll find the one, it’s just not gonna be Y/N.”

Seb dropped his head. “I was so sure. We’ve been friends for God knows how long and I can’t stop thinking about Y/N. Even after what happened a few days ago, I still-”

Mackie cleared his throat, signaling that You were behind Seb. He quietly left the two alone and Seb wished he had taken him too.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Cool party, huh?”

Seb faked a smile. “Yeah... I’m gonna.. go inside now-”

“Seb, come on.” You sighed, “You know we can still be friends, right?”

He stopped on the way and rubbed his temples. “I’m sorry, Y/N, but no. I don’t think I can.”

“What-” a look of worry and sadness washed over your face. “But why?”

Seb chuckled. “Why?”

“You just sit here and expect me to forget how I feel?” He continued, now facing the love of his life. “You expect me not to look at you and not see the things that I want most in this world. You expect me to sit here and watch you fall for somebody else. All while I still wanna be with you.”

Your fists clenched as Seb suddenly wiped his tears away, showing a heartbroken smile that screams he’s the biggest idiot in the world for falling for someone who doesn’t love him back.

“Sebastian, I-”

“I'm sorry, but no. Because meanwhile I'm sitting here hoping, praying that you'll change your mind, but see the thing is you never will - No, you're too busy entertaining somebody that doesn't even give a damn about you!” He cried.

“Do you have any idea how much that hurts? Knowing that I will never be good enough for you.“

Seb started to walk away again, but this time you won’t let him leave so easily.

“That’s selfish.”

“..what?”

“That’s selfish of you to say.” You said. “You think just because you have feelings for me, I have to drop everything including my boyfriend to satisfy your emotional needs?”

You scoffed, “Yes, Collins can be a jerk sometimes, but we’ve been together for 3 years now, so excuse me if I want to make this relationship work because I know deep down he’s still a good person.”

“I know what it feels like to not be good enough. You think I don’t already get enough of that when Collins come back home with someone’s lipstick on his neck?” You laughed to yourself. “Get fucked, Seb. You’re not the only one in this world who’s going through shit. I don’t deserve being treated like shit by Collins or you.”

--

a/n: another cliff hanger? idk lmao why can’t I finish these properly. Or are they an ok ending already?

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #sebby #seb #sebastan x reader #bucky barnes #marvel #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan romance #angst #romance #you #reader #female reader #male reader #sebastian stan x you #bucky barnes x you #so many tags #wtf #avengers #winter soldier

[mindofharry]

Motion sickness G.D

chapter 7.

in which julie realises she’s only with gray because of their kids.

fluff, angst, cheating. feedback is welcome as always!

chapter 1-6 can be found here!

TW: some of the stuff mentioned in this series might trigger some people. please don’t read if you get triggered easily!

“what are we doing?” julie asked pulling ethans shirt off. “fulfilling eachother needs” ethan answered kissing down her neck. Ethan had arrived here earlier, to spend time with julie and the boys. It felt wrong to just leave things like that - even though ethan very much liked the kiss. the boys were still in bed, alexander still being a tiny bit sick. the doctor gave him medicine which surprisingly he loves. So after an awkward chat at the famous kitchen island, julie and ethan pratically jumped on eachother. Julie felt bad, so bad. but it was like this pull telling her to go back to ethan. to kiss him, and be with him.

sometimes she wished she loved him as much as she loved grayson.

would she be happier with ethan? would they have a better life? it wouldn’t be perfect, julie knew that. But they wouldn’t fight over another woman, it would be normal stuff, like who’s doing the dishes. She wished, she fought over the dishes.

“mama?” a voice called out from upstairs. ethan laughed kissing julie’s lips once more. “i’ll be back” she said fixing her hair and walking upstairs. sebastian was laying in his bed, his ipad in his hands. “come watch the video with me” sebastian insisted, making julie smile softly.

“why do me, you and uncle e, watch it downstairs on the tv?” she proposed and sebastian nodded quickly running out of the room. he was getting so big, julie thought. sebastian was definitely going to be a tall one, like his dad and uncle. And he was starting soccer this year (he asked specifically) - so he was going to get some muscles too! god, he was growing up too fast.

Julie checked on alexander, he was still sleeping soundly. the medicine made him very energetic, and then he would just crash - basically a sugar rush. julie would leave him to sleep for another while.

when she arrived back downstairs, ethan and sebastian were on the couch, cuddling together with minecraft on the tv. “they-they make such cool houses, e” sebastian gushed making julie giggle to herself. ethan looked up at the beautiful woman, giving her a wink and nodding his head for her to come and sit with them.

ethan had always loved julie. but grayson was madly in love with her - from the minute they all became friends, she was all grayson would talk about. “julie did her hair” “her tits look amazing” But ethan always thought about how beautiful she looked with her natural hair, and how kind and selfless she was. sometimes he wished he manned up and just told her. she would be stuck in a life she hates. maybe they would be a happy family - he wanted that for her. she deserved it.

“daddy was here, the other day” sebastian said casually making ethan look to julie. she just nodded. it was a way to tell him it was ok to talk about it. julie always thought it was important when the boys were talking about their problems - we listen, then we talk.

“yeah? was it fun?” ethan asked placing a hand on his head. sebastian shrugged “i guess. then he left without saying goodbye. that made me sad” sebastian admitted, making julies eyes furrow “daddy said he tucked you guys in before he left” julie said looking up at ethan.

“he said he had something more important to do”

after that was said things went silent and sebastian forgot about the whole conversation. But julie was just hanging on, ethan noticed wrapping his arm around sebastian so he could place a hand on her thigh. just a little reassurance made julie feel a ton better.

sebastian left the sitting room to go the bathroom, so that left julie and ethan alone for a bit. “he said he wanted to try. i told you exactly what he said” julie said her voice muffled by her hands. ethan bit his lip, putting a hand on her back rubbing it up and down. “i’m so fucking stupid and naive” julie cried and looked up at ethan “and i’m always ugly crying. all the time” she sobbed leaning into him. ethan just kissed her forehead and tried to comfort her the best he could. “you’re not stupid. he’s just a manipulative dick. talk to him on sunday, get things straight, ok?” ethan said resting his head on hers. “the worst thing about it is, that i believed. ugh i still want to believe him” julie muttered sitting up in ethans hold.

“he told me he stopped seeing the woman. and all this other bullshit about being depressed - i want to believe everything he’s told me, but what if it’s just another lie to get back together?” she asked and ethan shrugged “you don’t know. you don’t know until you talk, properly. tell him where you’re at, and if he’s bullshitting again - then i’m here. and we’ll have lots and lots of wine” ethan reasoned kissing her forehead again.

“yeah. you’re right. fuck, thank you” julie said, her hands coming up his cheeks. she took the opportunity to peck his lips and smile at him. “hmm. you could stay the night if you wanted” she said kissing his neck. “that is a great idea” ethan smirked kissing her lips three times. “i am really thankful for you ethan. i probably would’ve still been with grayson if it wasn’t for you” julie smiled kissing his temple. “you’re so good to us. too good” julie said, making ethan shake his head “julie, i’m helping you. i want you to be happy. don’t thank me for that”

sebastian came in a few minutes later - but with a guest.

“grayson?.....who’s that?”

there was blonde girl on his arm. very beautiful and look super smart. julie put a hand on ethans arm. “who’s this?” julie asked with the fakest smile shes ever put on. grayson cleared his throat “this is olivia. my girlfriend” grayson said introducing you to her. “seb, can you go upstairs for a bit. uncle e will go with you.” julie said kissing his head. ethan gave julie a squeeze of encouragement before making his way upstairs.

“you brought your girlfriend, who you cheated on me with, to my home where my sons are!” julie yelled pushing grayson away from her. “you’re so stupid. fuck sake” she groaned sitting down on the sofa.

“i...i just thought the boys could meet her”

julie took off her shoe and through straight at graysons head. he caught it, just in time. it made olivia flinch and grab onto graysons hand. “i get you’re angry-“

“no! you cheated on me with her. you ruined our family because of her. my boys think they don’t matter to you because of her. and then you have the audacity to bring her to my house and ask for her to meet the boys?” julie screamed standing up and grabbing her phone.

“i’m calling the lawyers - we’re getting this divorce immediately”

#motion sickness! #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan insta #grayson #dolan #grayson dolan #ethan #ethan dolan #grayson dolan x y/n #grayson x reader #angst #grayson dolan angst #fluff #grayson dolan fluff #smut #grayson dolan smut #headcannon #grayson dolan headcannon #concepts #grayson dolan concepts #fic #fics #asks #requests #blurbs #imagines #fanfic #ethan dolan blurb

[kt-cant-focus]

Today, Forever

Seblainiversary 2020 @seblaineaffairs (sorry it’s a bit late.)

So while listening to Marina’s song baby (honestly forgot the music video kinda did this until I watched it to get the link XD) I was like,“This song fits into Seblaine somehow, but idk how.” One day it hit me and I messaged my idea to my friend @seblainelove. Earlier today before work I read @imogenlefay‘s work for today and thought,” Wow this is the happy version of what I thought.” Great minds think a like.

Sebastian shows up at Kurt and Blaine's wedding. Whether the canon one as Santana's guest or as Blaine's at a wedding planned by Kurt and Blaine, this one he planned to object to the marriage. Seb misses the ceremony, so he shows up at the reception. Sebastian realizes he was too late and requests Blaine for a dance. Baby plays. While they dance Seb tells Blaine his plan and how he was going to try to stop the wedding and win Blaine over like in the romcoms that Blaine loves. Blaine says it's too late for that. Thought he might have run off with Seb if he did make it in time. The song ends and Seb leaves after giving a goodbye kiss to Blaine's cheek.

 As they dance together Sebastian whispers into Blaine’s ear. “You know, I had this whole speech to get you to leave Lady Hummel and run away with me. Just like in The Princess Bride.”

 “Or Shrek.” Blaine responds, in a daze.

 “Or Shrek.” Sebastian gives a little chuckle. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles makes Blaine catch his breath. It has to be the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen. Unable to keep looking or do something he might regret, or worse, not regret, he turns his head and rests it on Sebastian’s chest.

 “Because you deserve so much more than he’ll ever give you. Sure, there is an argument to be made that Kurt loves you. But Blaine. He’ll always love himself more. He’ll always see you as an accessory and you’ll never fight for what you deserve from him.” Though Blaine can’t see his face, he can hear Sebastian’s sincerity when his voice obviously chokes up as he continues.

 “Blaine. God, Blaine I was going to tell you how I’d give you the world. I don’t deserve you more than he does, but I’d relish every second together. I was going to tell you all the ways I’d make you happy. How we would have brought out the best and worst in each other. That we would have an amazing forever together.”

 Something wet and cold hits Blaine’s cheek. Worrying, he lifts his head and beholds a sight he never could have imaged. A wet line the only evidence that one of the tears Sebastian is holding back, escaped.

 “Guess it would have been pointless. You decided to marry him.”

A heavy silence falls over them as they stare into each other’s eyes, unable to look away. The lyrics of the song they were dancing to washes over them.

Guess I had my last chance

And now this is our last dance

You fell through the cracks in my hands

ell myself be stronger

My heart's like a rubber band

And it's such a shame You'll always be the one who got away

We both know that deep down you feel the same

Hard to say it's over But I'm already someone else's

Baby

 Maybe it was the words Marina was singing, or perhaps the pain and honesty Sebastian was conveying, but words left Blaine’s mouth involuntarily.

 “I would have gone with you. If you objected and told me that speak. There has always been something between us Sebastian. And before we said ‘I do’ I had some hesitance. I believe everything you said about the life we could have had together. We really could have been happy together.“

 “Still not too late, we could burn the paperwork and pretend it never existed.” A joking with a hint of hope tone in Sebastian’s voice.

 Blaine shakes his head. “I already vowed Bas. I married Kurt.”

 A grim smile crosses Sebastian’s face, “I guess this truly is the perfect song for us then.”

 The chuckle that comes out of Blaine’s mouth is wet and could easily be mistaken for a sob. “Yeah I guess so.”

 They spend the rest of the dance quiet. Staring into each other's eyes. Knowing that this would be the last time they saw the other, they would forever be the other’s what if, and that every time this song played, it would bring them back to this moment, no matter how long into the future.

 The song comes to a close. The dance partners know their time together is officially up.

 Sebastian whispers into Blaine’s ear three words he had never said before. He takes a step back, and with a smile hiding sadness he gives a farewell.

 “Good-bye Blaine.”

A light, but meaningful kiss is placed on Blaine’s cheek before Sebastian turns and walks away leaving the newly-wed, on what should be the happiest day of his life, in choking back sobs on the dance floor.

#Seblainiversary 2020 #seblaineaffairs #seblaine #sebastian smythe #blaine anderson #today forever #glee #am I satan? #maybe #my bad #baby #clean bandit #marina #luis fonsi #Was thinking of making this #a video #maybe one day #if I get the clips needed

[sinner-as-saint]

See You Again

Mob! Seb AU

Part 6. 

 Run-through: Promises are made, then get broken. Hearts unite, then are shattered mercilessly. We fall in love with certain people, then we lose them…

Themes: smut, GORE elements (blood and stuff), death, dark! Seb, violence and stuff. 

A/N: Hi babies, so this is quite a long fic; just… be prepared. Ily!

Also, the “^^^” symbol is used to show a shift in POV.

Also, there are some time skips in this one. I hope it doesn’t get too confusing.

Also, ALL TAG LISTS are still OPEN. 

For the first time in years, the mob boss was truly scared.

It was true, he had never thought that one day he would care about the well-being of someone so much that it would physically hurt him to imagine them in any sort of pain.

Sebastian looked over at you, your eyes were slowly roaming over the page of a book, curled up on a couch in his study, while Sebastian himself was trying to get some work done sitting at his desk; yet, he was too busy being enamored by you.

You were simply a couple of feet away, yet he thought you were too far. He liked being close to you, the touch of your skin on his calmed him down.

 After breakfast, Sebastian had received a call. You soon figured out that the caller was Liana and she said that she had people who were currently looking for Connor, and she also mentioned that she was coming over since she wanted to get Dylan to talk. And she strictly asked Sebastian to stay away from the latter because she knew how little patience the mob boss had.

The phone call between Liana and Sebastian was mostly them yelling profanities at each other, yet, Sebastian was relieved that Liana was taking care of certain things while he focused on keeping you safe. He mentioned something along the lines of never letting you out of his sight.

You thought it was just a figure of speech until you realized that he was dead serious about what he said. And that’s how he currently kept you captive in his study.

He had to deal with some paper work, and you were more than glad to share the space with him for a little while.

 “Thought you said you had work to do, did that involve staring at me like that?” you questioned the mob boss with a sly smile, and he chuckled, looking down at his lap and shook his head.

He was sitting at his desk, looking as gorgeous as ever, and you had to physically hold yourself back from making yourself comfortable on his lap. You were sure that he would not mind it though.

 “Come here,” he extended his arm and you immediately put the book down and rose from the couch, and walked in his direction.

You got closer to him sitting in his seat and once you were within arm’s reach, he pulled you into him. You ended up on his lap, legs on either side of him and straddling his thighs.

Your hands immediately cupped his face and you stared lovingly into his ocean eyes. The baby blue orbs staring back at you made you feel safe.

Sebastian’s hands wrapped around your waist and he pulled you closer, looking up at your pretty face. He wished he could’ve stopped time, if he could, he would choose to live in this moment forever.

Your thumbs slowly caressed his cheeks and his eyes closed for a brief moment. He took in a deep breath and exhaled, opening his eyes again.

 He was beautiful. Devilishly handsome, yet you couldn’t help but notice that he lacked sleep. The skin around his beautiful eyes were darker now. The thought of him losing sleep over you did make you a little guilty, and you didn’t like that.

 “You need to sleep, Seb,” you spoke softly, smiling at how quickly his hands had slipped under your shirt. His cold palms pressed against your warm skin and he slowly ran his hands up and down your back.

 “I’m fine babe, don’t worry about me,” he replied and placed a soft kiss above your collar bone. His soft lips were gentle on your skin.

You internally laughed at the how there was a time when you were running away from him.

 You tilted his head up and placed a kiss on his forehead.

 “I have to. My family is, gone. All my friends are gone, they’ve settled in big cities, living their lives. I- I don’t have anyone else. You’re all I have. I have to worry about you,” your words hurt. They hurt both you and him. Yet, it was true.

Sebastian was all you had now, and his well-being meant a lot to you.

His hand moved from under your shirt and settled under your jaw, he stared at you for a few moments then kept his silence.

You believed that he was too tired to talk. But truth is, he was even more scared now.

 ^^^

 Sebastian looked up at the angelic girl who sat in his lap. Her eyes were sad, and he was certain that with each unpredictable turn her life took, her heart broke a little more each time.

If only you knew the lengths he was willing to go to keep you happy and safe.

You’re all I have . . .

You’re all I have.

 Your words repeated in his head, and he found himself at a loss of words. He didn’t know what to say to that.

He was helpless, Dylan was in his basement and he couldn’t even get the truth out of him. Luckily Liana was on her way, she had a means of getting stubborn assholes to speak up. Sebastian was too impatient; if he ran out of patience he would just empty his bullets into Dylan’s thick skull. And that would get him nowhere.

That’s why Sebastian was keeping his distance, and was focusing solely on keeping you safe. And happy.

His heart was filled with warmth when you told him that you were worried about him. Sebastian couldn’t remember the last time someone told him that.

 He was about to tell you how much he loved you but he noticed a frown on your face as you avoided his gaze. Not even a second later, you winced in pain and he almost lost his mind at the bare thought of you being in pain.

“Babe, you alright? What was that? Are you in pain?” he asked, straightening his back and ready to take whatever action was necessary to make you feel better.

 “I’m alright. Just random cramps I guess. Let’s take a nap, yeah? You need to rest, come on,” and not having the heart to turn his girl down, Sebastian followed you out of his study and into his bedroom for a well-deserved nap.

Everything was fine, in that moment.

 ^^^

 Something’s definitely wrong, you thought.

These random cramps and bleeding nose and mouth weren’t normal. But you were too scared to even tell Seb about it.

You tried to hide the frown on your face from Sebastian but it seemed as though he already understood that you were in pain.

 He stopped you right as you reached the bed.

 “Baby, look at me. Are you hurting? Are you having… girl problems?” he asked and something about the way he asked you the last question almost made you giggle.

He looked so clueless.

 “I’m okay, Seb. Now go on, take a nap. I’ll wake you up when Liana gets here,” you slightly pushed Sebastian’s body backwards but he caught your wrist just in time.

 “Cuddle with me, come on,” he pulled you into him as he threw his body onto the soft blankets. You landed right on top of him, giggling like a little kid.

Your pain was long forgotten as you stared into his eyes again.

 I love you.

You wanted to say, but before you could, Sebastian flipped you over and got the two of you under the covers.

 “Much better,” he mumbled as he adjusted your position so your back was pressed against his torso and his face nuzzled into your neck.

You chuckled again as you were trapped in his strong arms, legs tangled with his, body pressed against one another – you could see how this could be your everyday life.

You remember a time when you used to make fun of fairytales, and how princesses always foolishly believed that all their worries would be over if a strong man came into their lives; yet here you were, thanking God for the strong man in whose arms you were in.

At this point, imagining a life without Sebastian was near impossible.

 Even under the comfortable, soft covers, Sebastian wouldn’t stop moving.

 “Seb, seriously! You need to sleep, stop moving,” you scolded gently and he placed a trail of kisses along your neck as a reply.

His touch still felt like the first time; electric.

 Slowly, but steadily, his hands moved from around your waist and into your pants. He toyed with the waist band of your underwear for a little while, hovering his cold fingers over your hip bones, before his slid his hands further down your pants.

His touch was just as exciting as the first time he touched you. His lips left loving marks along your neck and you could only sigh in content of being in his arms.

It’s crazy how quickly you had grown accustomed to him.

 “Seb!” you tried to get him to stop fucking around and sleep for once, because you both knew that he needed it. Yet, you couldn’t say that you didn’t like his touch.

 “Shh, I just wanna touch you. Just let me,” he mumbled in his gravelly, tired voice. He sounded so adorable and pure as his hand settled right on top of your heat which only got wetter and wetter as whispered his profane thoughts in your ear.

You pushed your ass slightly more into him and within a few seconds, you could feel his hard on through his sweat pants. You smirked, and felt his fingers lightly graze your folds.

His touch, inevitably, sent shivers all over your body. And you found yourself getting more and more aroused with each passing moment.

Unexpectedly, you let out a moan and you could basically feel him smirking against your skin. He kept kissing and biting the skin at your neck and you allowed yourself to give in to him completely.

 “Seb . . .,” you whispered, feeling your wetness coating his fingers as he slowly rubbed around your throbbing clit.

 “Tell me you love me, baby,” he whispered, his voice deep and somewhat sleepy as he easily slipped his two fingers slowly into your tight entrance.

You parted your legs slightly, allowing him more room to toy with you.

You let out a ragged breath, and as you were gonna reply to him, his phone went off again.

 “I swear to God whoever that- Baby! Where-,” Sebastian stared at you in disbelief as you

 “It could be Liana,” as soon as you heard the phone, you moved away from Sebastian, jumped out of the bed and hurried to the phone, while Sebastian kept muttering under his breath about how he couldn’t believe you just left him in bed.

You answered the call on Sebastian’s phone and immediately heard Liana’s booming voice.

 “Tell your guard dogs to let me in Sebastian, you moron! I’ve worked with you for so long, and they still need identification? What the f-“

 “Liana, calm down! Seb’s on it, don’t worry,” you replied quickly and ended the call. Sebastian gave you an annoyed, yet adorable look.

You felt sorry for the man, but at that point, handling Connor and Dylan was much more important than sex.

   After you told Sebastian that Liana was here, he made a quick phone call to someone and reassured you that Liana knew what she had to do.

  “She must’ve been driving for hours Seb, shouldn’t we at least check up on h-,”

 Your words were cut short by the distant sound of a wail, and it sounded like someone was being tortured.

You soon realized that it was probably Liana ‘handling’ Dylan. And Seb was right, she knew what to do.

 “I just hope she doesn’t kill him before I get the chance to,” Sebastian spoke casually and you stared at him in disbelief.

 “Seb!”

 ---

  A couple of hours passed, at least that’s what it felt like until Sebastian told you that it’s only been 1 and a half since Liana got here.

You couldn’t wait, you wanted to know what other messed up plans Connor had in his sick mind.

You almost cried as you thought about how peaceful your relationship with him was before you found out that he wasn’t your dad.

He even promised to walk you down the aisle someday. And you promised that you would take care of him forever.

Crazy how so much can change in such little time.

  “Baby, stop pacing around. Liana k-,”

 “Liana knows what to do, yes, I’ve heard it at least 10 times in the past hour and a half, Seb. It’s just, finding out what Connor has done or is currently doing is scary to me. I once considered that man to be my dad. I thought he was my father…then came all these revelations. And now, it’s gotten even scarier because…,”

 Your voice trailed off as your eyes burned, and you realized that your tears were on the verge of spilling.

 Sebastian got up from where he sat on the bed, and took a few steps in your direction and stopped right in front of you.

You avoided his gaze as you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears if you looked into his ocean eyes even just for a brief moment.

 His arms circled around your waist and he pulled you closer, pressing your body against his. You could hear his patient, deep breaths and soon, his fingers curled under your chin and he lifted your face up.

 “Because what?” was all he asked.

You closed your eyes and smiled faintly through the tears.

You opened your eyes again and he had confusion written all over his gorgeous face.

 “Because I’m scared of losing you. You’ve become a habit, Seb, I’m used to you now. I love you, and I want more time with you. I- I’m scared, I don’t know… the blood, it just- I want more time with you, just please don’t let me go. I love you,” you were fully sobbing by the end of your barely coherent sentence.

You hugged him back and placed your head on his chest, squeezing your eyes shut and tightening your grip on him.

 Your body shook with each sob in Sebastian’s arms. The mob boss got even more confused than he was before.

You had nothing to be scared of, he thought. And what blood? What were you talking about?

 Your words made no sense to him.

 “It’s okay babe, I’ve got you. We’re gonna have plenty of time, just- what blood are you talking about? Baby, look at me,” he pulled away and cupped your face.

 Somehow, in last nearly 2 hours, a strange fear formed inside of you. All the bleeding and the shooting pain started to worry you now. And you were scared, a gut feeling was telling you that something bad was on its way. You could feel a heavy weight on your heart already.

You wanted more time with him, yet you were scared that you weren’t going to have it.

What if you were really sick?

 Sebastian waited for an answer. And you were ready to give him one.

You took a deep breath and started your explanation.

 “It’s nothing, I hope but a few days ago I-,”

 “SEBASTIAN!” a voice yelled, frantically; cutting you off in the process.

 Not even a second later, loud footsteps were heard and Sebastian immediately grabbed the closest gun and opened the bedroom door, making sure you were well hidden behind him.

 It took you a second to take in the scene. Liana was running upstairs and she kept yelling something which didn’t make any sense.

She soon reached the bedroom door and stopped just a couple of feet away from you and Seb.

 “Liana? What the f-,”

 “I need a car, now! Mine doesn’t have much fuel, hurry!” she sounded out of breath as she spat out her order.

Her eyes briefly met yours and they carried an emotion you couldn’t quite catch. Pity? Sympathy? You didn’t know what it was.

Liana looked like she was tormented. Her face was flushed, a gun in her hand, blood her knuckles and her hair was a true mess.

She was breathing heavily, perhaps due to the fact that she ran all the way here from the basement.

 “What? Did you talk to Dylan? What did-,”

 “Not now Sebastian! Please, just understand, we don’t have much time! I need a car, quick!” she barely explained the situation, yet as soon as the word ‘we’ left her mouth, both you and Sebastian realized that this must be urgent.

 “Here!” Sebastian chucked a set of keys in her hands out of nowhere and you stood there frozen to the ground. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as your brain found it hard to focus on it all.

Once Liana caught the keys, she yelled again.

 “CURTIS! UPSTAIRS, NOW!” her voice boomed and soon, another pair of heavier footsteps were heard marching upstairs.

 Sebastian stepped out of the room completely and looked at Liana in utter confusion, and this time, you did too.

What was happening? Who is Curtis?

 To answer your question just in time, an unknown man walked towards the three of you who stood outside Sebastian’s bedroom. He was slightly taller than Sebastian, a bit more built as well, and equally as intimidating.

He had muscular arms, skin head and an eye brow piercing over his left eye. His face was expressionless, yet he seemed like the type who would act upon every order given to him. He didn’t look much different than the other men who ‘worked’ for Sebastian.

 “Keys, there you go. Now, drive to David’s house and I don’t care if you have to drag him all the way, but bring him here as soon as possible, okay?” Liana placed the keys in the palm of his hands and Curtis simply nodded before making his way downstairs again, he jogged until he was completely out of your sight.

Weird, he didn’t even question anything.

 Who is David? Your thoughts were a mess, similar to the situation.

 Sebastian was just as confused as you were, yet the name ‘David’ seemed to have surprised him more than anything.

 “Why David? What is happening, Lia-,”

“Who’s David? What is happening, Li-,”

 You both started asking at the same time.

 “Shh! Let me do the talking, yeah? I- let’s sit down for this,” Liana suggested and you and Sebastian shared a brief look before stepping out of the doorway so that Liana could walk in.

You took a seat on the edge of the bed, while Sebastian stood, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked annoyed, worried and scared at the same time.

Liana was the one who was pacing now, she ran her shaky, blood-stained fingers through her already messy, auburn hair countless times and finally spoke up.

 “Right, before we start, let me be clear that I want no questions, got it?” her voice sounded like she was hesitant, yet she had something urgent to share.

Once the two of you nodded at her, she continued.

 “So, after many, many slaps, and punches and cuts; the son of a bitch talked. And, I mean, I guess we underestimated Connor,” she spoke as if she was fighting back anger – doing her best to calm herself down.

 Sebastian eyes narrowed at Liana and yours widened in shock.

Underestimated? What’s that supposed to mean?

 “Okay, Sebastian, there’s no need to go all crazy and shoot me, I know I fucked up and I should’ve been more careful with Connor. David’s on his way here and-,”

 “Liana, stop! Just tell me what the fuck happened down there,” Sebastian’s voice was so calm and collected that it scared you. And you didn’t dare to look up at him, so you kept your eyes focused on Liana’s black boots.

And you knew that Liana had the chills as well, just from Sebastian’s tone. He sounded like he was livid; yet was able to conceal it perfectly. He sounded lethal.

 “I-, uh… he said that-,” Liana took a deep breath before continuing her sentence.

“Connor has been slow poisoning Y/N, for God knows how long. I don’t- and he’s on the run and we don’t even know what poison he used or how it works. That’s why I asked for David, because none of us here know how to handle this. It might- it is dangerous.” She finished her sentence and for the next couple of seconds, the room was filled with heavy silence.

 You sat on the bed, unable to form proper thoughts as the realization hit you like a train going at break neck speed.

Slow poisoning… that would explain the blood and the pain.

But why?

Why kill you?

 Liana quickly explained that David was the ‘gang Doctor’. Apparently he was really experienced and due some fake charge pressed on him early on in his career, he was fired from where he worked. Then, one day Seb found him, and ever since; he’s their trustee doctor.

 Sebastian was silent, and Liana was silently praying that Sebastian does not kill her right there where she stood.

 “Is that what you meant, Y/N? By the blood, was that what you meant?” Sebastian asked and you gathered the courage to look up at him.

 “I-,”

 “What blood? Were those signs of poisoning? Y/N, why didn’t you say anything? I-, I guess it’s my fault. FUCK! It’s all my fault, I should’ve been more careful. I should’ve known better than to let him cook for you and feed you every single day, God damn it Connor!” Liana plopped down on the floor with her hair in her fists in defeat.

She was scared as well; scared of Sebastian obviously, but also scared for your health.

 “Seb, I’m sorry… I’m- I got scared. I didn’t know.” You cried again, the tears came back uninvited and flowed freely down your cheeks.

 Sebastian looked down at your broken frame and kept quiet. Was he feeling equally as guilty as Liana for not being able to shelter you from Connor’s monstrosity? Definitely.

 “I need to handle Dylan, I gotta g-,”

 “Finish him. Wrap him up, and send him to his father’s house. He’ll get the message, and hopefully he’ll come out of wherever he is hiding. At least that’s better than just waiting.” Sebastian orders shocked both you and Liana.

 Sebastian’s face was vacant; empty eyes, even his voice didn’t carry any emotion. He was devoid – free from any signs of anger, or rage. He was like a time bomb, silent but deadly when the time will come. And the time was here. His patience reached its limits.

The mob boss ordered to kill, yet Liana hesitated.

 “W-what?” she asked, puzzled. Yet, she wouldn’t say that she didn’t expect a reaction similar to this one.

 “You heard me, don’t act like you haven’t done it before. Go on now, and… handle him,” he spoke and opened the bedroom door, ushering Liana out of the room.

 Liana nodded, picked up her gun and walked out of the room as quickly as she could. Once she left, Sebastian shut the door with a slam which made you jump a little.

 “You never answered me, Y/N. Was that what you were referring to earlier?” his tone reminded you of that one time he suddenly appeared in your room, back at Connor’s house. The night you ran from him for the second time.

The tone carrying his words was cold, dominant and almost insensitive. Yet, you knew that he was hiding his anger and worry, and probably defeat behind the icy façade.

 “I got scared, and you were already being so over-, well, you were being very careful. Seb, I thought it was nothing at a-,”

 Your flow of words came to a stop once Sebastian walked up to you, stopped right in front of you and dropped to his knees with a thud.

He dropped to the floor with the same defeat in his eyes like Liana did. Your heart swelled at the fact that these two were going through so much for you. They really did care.

You finally looked into the blue orbs of the kneeling man in front of you. With you sitting on the edge of the bed, he was at eye level and you didn’t miss the glossiness forming in his ocean eyes.

 “Do you have any idea of how much you mean to me? Do you know that I’ll lose my mind if anything happens to you? You were sick, you’ve been sick. Why didn’t you tell me anything?” he asked, and your heart broke at the sight of the one single tear which fell from his eyes, down his cheeks.

 “I’m sorry, I was scared and confused…I- I didn’t know he would- I guess I didn’t expect that there would come a day when, he, would try to kill me,” you finally said it.

Sebastian closed his eyes briefly. He opened them again and inched closer to you. He placed his hands on both your thighs and rubbed them affectionately.

You extended your arm and wiped away his single, fallen tear.

 “I told you I would keep you safe. I promised you that, and I couldn’t keep you safe. He got to you, didn’t he? I’m sorry I failed you, baby. I’m so sorry,” he whispered, shaking his head.

His voice cracked and that’s when you noticed how hard he was trying to keep it together.

 “No you didn’t. I’m okay, Seb. You got me out just in time, see? I’m here, I’m-,” your words halted as you felt a burning sensation in your throat. It felt as though you swallowed acid, it burned. It hurt.

You stood up abruptly and tried taking deep breaths. Sebastian stood up as well, and his teary eyes were now worried sick.

 “Babe?” he called out, holding your elbow gently.

You wanted to reply, you wanted to tell him you were okay. But once you opened your mouth, you started coughing hysterically.

You placed your palm against your mouth as you tried your best to control it, but you couldn’t. The cough wasn’t as bad as the other time, except this time, you tasted even more blood in your mouth.

The disgusting, warm metallic taste was back again. Without any second thought, you ran into the bathroom. Sebastian followed you without any question.

 You spat out the blood, and opened the tap immediately – hoping to get it out of your sight as soon as possible.

You washed your hands and noticed a figure behind you in the mirror. It was Sebastian with a blank face again.

His looked like he was either on the verge of crying, or killing something or someone rather. He noticed the trail of blood flowing down your chin. You quickly wiped it off but he caught the sight of it nonetheless.

 “You’re not okay,” he spoke and it sounded less of a question, and more like an insult to himself. He believed he had failed the one person who meant a lot to him. And it hurt, it hurt his ego, his pride; most importantly, it hurt his heart.

  “I will be okay. The doctor is on his way, right? Don’t worry,” you were weirdly confident that whoever this David was, he was gonna make you fine again.

If Sebastian trusted him, then he must really be good at what he did.

 Right?

  ---

  It had been 2 days since David examined your case. And he indeed diagnosed that it was a poisoning; most probably through food.

David was nice, you liked the doctor a lot. He was patient, and a good listener. He was in his late forties, and he had a way with his humor and words.

He had given you pills and other medication which should flush out the toxins that were currently in your system.

Sebastian was relieved when David mentioned that it was indeed serious, but it wasn’t fatal. You would be fine if you took better care of your health.

 In the past 2 days, Sebastian barely left your side for long.

 You were starting to feel better, actually. You didn’t cough up blood, nor did you bleed abnormally. You thanked David.

You were still on the edge though.

Sebastian had asked Liana to…handle Dylan and sent his back to his father – whatever that meant. And ever since, you hadn’t seen Liana.

 “Is Liana coming back anytime soon?” you asked one day, while Sebastian was replying to someone called Chris.

You figured that this Chris was some guy who could basically find anyone and anything on this Earth in just a couple of hours. And Sebastian has been obsessively looking for Connor.

Sebastian stopped typing for a second, looked up from his phone and nodded, then got back to texting.

“Sure, she will. She’s out with the guys, looking for that asshole. Don’t worry, hey did you take your meds?” he asked for the third time that morning.

  ---

  The next day, Liana came back – with no news of Connor’s whereabouts. And to say that Sebastian was pissed would be an understatement.

 They were arguing and you heard part of it.

 “You were the one who fucking started this! Why did you make me send Dylan back home… like that? You know damn well Connor will strike back, and when he-,” Liana’s voice boomed.

 “And when he does, I’ll kill him where he stands! No one messes with the one I love Liana, you know that. I’ll be ready when he decides to-,”

 “Funny you say that, you weren’t even able to keep your girlfriend safe! You-,” Liana tried arguing again.

 “Last time I checked, you were responsible for her safety – as her fucking friend! Yet, he poisoned her right in front of your eyes, bi-,”

  “Enough! Both of you, shut up!” you had to intervene because they were taking it too far.

 They both had guilt written all over their faces; like little children when being scolded by their parent.

 “None of what happened is your fault! Seb, you did the best you could and Liana, I would never be here without you. I care deeply for both of you, so for my fucking sake, just stop acting like kids! I’m not dead, I’m fine and blaming each other will not help any of us. Just stop!” you spoke in a higher tone than usual.

And it helped in shutting the two of them up.

  You didn’t wait for any response or apology, you just made your way upstairs – quite moodily. Then again, it was probably the side effects of David’s prescribed medication.

 You opened the bedroom you currently shared with the mob boss and rushed inside; all while hearing very faint, slow footsteps behind you.

You knew it was either Sebastian or Liana coming up to apologize for their banter and behavior.

 You still slammed the door shut, and paced around the room – dramatically; moodily like a Gemini teen who just argued with their parents.

 Seconds later, the door opened and in walked the man you loved so much. Sebastian.

 “Hey baby,” he cooed, pretending as though he wasn’t just blaming your only friend for your poisoning.

 “Don’t,” you simply said.

You weren’t angry at him, per say, you were just angry at the situation in general. Your fake father tried to kill you, his son who was in your boyfriend’s captivity is probably dead, you have no idea where your fake father is – knowing him he’s probably out there plotting your murder for God’s sake. And just when you needed the slightest bit of stability; the two people who are now the closest you got, are playing the blame game.

 Sebastian noticed your bad mood easily – anyone could to be honest. He approached you slowly. Once he stood in front of you, you immediately crossed your arms over your chest; as if preventing him from getting any closer – a useless barrier.

 His hand reached out and touched your cheek lovingly. His bare touch ignited a fire in you.

Sebastian grabbed your waist and pressed you against him; your lower abdomen touching his. The fire grew even more.

He nuzzled his face into your neck; knowing how much you liked it. He ran the shiny, cold tip of his nose up and down your throat slowly, agonizingly.

 “You smell really good. I bet you taste even better,” he whispered in your ear – sinfully. The fire burned brighter.

 And that’s when it all made sense. You weren’t mad, you were frustrated. Sexually. All because while you were sick and recovering from Connor’s strike, Sebastian was busy worrying about your health. And you were almost always drugged due to the amount of medicine you had to take – due to that, it had been days since he last touched you.

And you were craving his touch, his attention – him. And you could tell he missed you too, so you dropped the angry façade and wrapped your arms around his broad shoulder.

The fire took over and you melted in his hands.

 “Seb . . .,” you involuntarily moaned when his hand slipped under your shirt and palmed your breast. Your eyes closed in delight; relishing his touch.

To him, it sounded more like a plea when you whispered his name. And he knew just what his girl needed. Him.

 “I know baby, I know. Let me take care of you, alright?” he whispered against your jaw.

His tongue slipped out and licked a stripe from your jaw all the way till your most sensitive spot, beneath your ear.

You let out a shaky breath as he slowly guided the two of you till the edge of the bed. Meanwhile, his lips found yours and his tongue now slipped into your mouth; forgetting any boundaries – he shamelessly invaded your mouth and kissed you feverishly.

Like he was trying to remember what you tasted like. Like as if you were gonna fade away into nothing if he didn’t hold on to you.

 You moaned into his kiss. His hands roamed your body, eagerly.

By the time you reached the bed, your top was off – leaving you in leggings only. And his shirt was off to, leaving him bare and mouthwatering.

 “I fucking missed you, you know that?” he whispered almost sinisterly as he threw you onto the bed.

You fell on your back and supported yourself up with your elbows to get a better look at your man. He looked heavenly from down here, and he knew it because he had a cocky smile on his gorgeous face. Eyes darkened, breathing heavily – he looked hungry. Starved even.

And so were you.

 “I missed you too. A lot,” you replied.

You couldn’t stop yourself from touching him, so you sat up and rapidly undid his pants and pulled it down, along with his black briefs, until they bunched up around his knees.

His proud member sprang free and you immediately took him into your mouth. His hand lazily guided your head up and down his length. Hollowing your cheeks, your mouth pumped him relentlessly.

His grunts and groans caused you to bob your head even faster on him. You couldn’t fit him completely into your mouth, so your hand took care of what your skilled mouth couldn’t.

 “Fuck . . . Y/N- shit, baby I-,” he came without any warning.

Hot and smooth, his seed ran down your throat. You swallowed all of him obediently and he smiled down at you as you licked him clean.

Once you released him, he pushed you back down on the bed and climbed on top of you – body hovering above yours.

 His face was centimeters away from yours, eyes looking into yours; you felt the flow of energy connecting you and him in ways you couldn’t explain.

 Your hand reached out and touched his cheeks, which was coated with a very thin layer of sweat already.

 “You’re mine, right?” you asked out of nowhere.

For a brief moment, an unfamiliar emotion flashed on his face. Heartache?

 Instead of replying, he pushed you higher up on the bed; creating more room. He pulled down your grey leggings and threw them on the floor.

He smirked when he saw that you were wet already. You wore no underwear, which only excited him more.

 His skilled fingers toyed with your sensitive bundle of nerves as he dipped his head into the crook of your neck yet again, he kissed the shell of your ear and you felt like you were on the verge of losing your mind.

You moaned out load as he slipped two fingers into your tight entrance with ease. Given that you hadn’t been touched in days, you were much more responsive than usual. And he bloody loved every second of it.

He dragged moan after moan out of you, just by using his fingers.

His tongue followed shortly after. It traced the outlined of your folds, slipping in and out of them with much ease before finally burying itself into your tight hole.

The lower half of Sebastian’s face was immersed into your glistening heat. Your arousal drenched his face, the excess of it dripping down his chin – the whole of it was messily immoral. Yet, none of you cared.

 He removed his fingers and his face from your heat and kissed his way up your body till he reached your mouth.

You tasted your wetness on his plump, pink lips and the thought of having a man of his caliber connecting to you so intimately only caused the lust in your veins to course faster.

 He didn’t waste any time as he aligned his erected cock with your entrance, his hand wrapped around his member as he stroked it slowly and dragged it up and down your wet folds.

You moaned at the bare friction. Your hands spread out and gripped two handfuls of the blanket on either side of your connected frames.

 “I’m all yours. Doubtlessly yours, and don’t you ever question that. I love you so much,” he whispered in a hushed tone as he pushed himself into you inch by inch; allowing you to feel him – all of him.

Every vein, every inch of his skin; you felt it all.

 And soon, his body owned yours.

 Sebastian made love to you that night; relentlessly, repeatedly – until both your bodies couldn’t handle the pleasure and the sweet pain anymore.

You don’t remember falling asleep that night, neither did he. All you know is that as long as you were in his arms, everything was good in the world.

Nothing would hurt you as long as you were with him.

 Right?

  ---

  Day six post David’s visit, and things were getting back to normal. Except Connor was nowhere to be found. And Sebastian was slowly losing his mind.

His best friend, Chris visited often. Quite frequently actually.

He was funny, you liked him.

 You were feeling better. No vomiting, no nose bleeds, no sudden hysterical coughing. You were fine. Content.

Due to the fact that your health was almost perfect now, Sebastian was able to leave you home; protected by his guards and Liana of course, to attend meetings – and do his ‘mob boss’ stuff.

 And today was just the same. Sebastian was out, along with Chris.

David came to check up on you this morning, and left saying that you were nearly perfectly fine now. He did advise you to finish the meds, even if you were feeling better.

Right now, Liana was keeping you company while you made lunch for the two of you. Liana sucked at cooking, and you knew that, so you offered to make lunch.

 “Hey, I never asked. What happened to the pub now that you and I are here?” you asked, cutting up ham and placing it next to the cheese.

Liana replied through a mouthful of crisps from the kitchen island behind you.

 “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it. Your boyfriend bought it, so it’s not functioning right now. It’s currently closed,” Liana replied, nonchalantly; stuffing her face with more of the barbecue flavored snack.

 He bought it?

 “Seb bought it? Why? He lives so far from it, what would he do with that little pub?” you asked, partially not surprised because, well, the person in question was the most unpredictable man you had ever met so… yeah.

 “See, knowing him, he’ll probably turn it into a Y/N shrine, or maybe given that he’s a romantic nowadays, he may use it to prop- oh hey Sebastian, hey annoying a-hole. Care to tell me why are you still around?” Liana stopped midway through her sentence to greet Sebastian who walked in the kitchen at the right, or wrong, time.

She then proceeded to drag Chris out of the kitchen, probably to insult him some more. Leaving you two behind was not such a good idea given that recently, Sebastian has been way too needy. And very, very clingy. You weren’t complaining though.

 “Hi babe, how was your day?” he asked, hugging you.

You hugged him back, rubbing you hand up and down his back; feeling his tensed muscles through his dark suit.

 “Pretty good, you know, all I did was eat, sit on the couch, watched TV, ate some more then I tried reading a book, but got bored so I was making food, again, for Liana and I before you walked in. Chill day, I’d say,” you narrated your day to him.

He chuckled.

 His arms wrapped around your waist as you turned around to finish making your sandwiches. He placed his chin on your shoulder as he hugged you from behind.

 “I know you’re bored, baby. But I cannot risk your safety, not again. Not with what happened r-,”

 “But it’s been a week, Seb! I can’t hide in your house forever. I know we can’t find Connor, and I know it’s disturbing you, but I can’t not live my life because of one man. Maybe he just- I don’t know, after whatever you did to Dylan. Maybe h-,”

 “Men like him don’t give up baby. No one gives up that easily in this life, it’s a ruthless game remember? Now, let’s j-,”

 “SEBASTIAN!” you heard a voice yell. After the shout, a few rounds of gunshots were heard.

The sounds indicated that the firing was not happening far from where you were; perhaps it was in the backyard. The gunshots got louder, deafeningly loud, and nothing like in the movies. For a brief moment, it felt as though the entire house was shaking.

Your vision got blurry, for a millisecond.

Among the gunshots, you could hear Liana swearing. And for a brief second, you thought you heard her yell Connor’s name.

But maybe you were just paranoid.

The air felt thicker, and it got harder to breathe for a few seconds while your brain tried to register what was happening around you.

Your heartbeat got louder. And louder.

 Sebastian held you close to him, clutching your body tightly against his chest.

 “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. I got you,” he pulled out his own gun and aimed it at the kitchen door frame; just in case someone were walk in at any given moment. Your shaky arms wrapped around his torso and you, for once, managed to successfully fight back the tears.

 Within the next minute, everything was silent.

No gunshots, no shouts, no footsteps.

You were worried about Liana, and Chris. You didn’t know him very well, but you knew he was close to Sebastian. And he had been nothing but polite towards you. The thought of either of them being hurt was disturbing.

A couple of minutes later, you were still recovering from the sudden shock. Sebastian apologized and whispered comforting words in your ear.

 “Y/N!” you heard Liana yell, then her rapid footsteps got closer and finally she appeared in the kitchen again.

“Jesus fucking Christ, are you okay?” she asked, following her Chris walked in the kitchen; his semi-automatic silver gun still in his hand.

 “What the fuck was that?” Sebastian asked, breathing heavily and still holding you close to his chest. Frankly, you didn’t want to let go in the first place.

There was unpredictable danger at every step, and you weren’t sure you’d make it without him. So you held on to him, and he to you.

 “Connor’s people were here. Seems like they followed you and Chris on your way back, one of them broke in. Our guys are going through the top floors, I don’t think they took anything though. Maybe they came looking for… Y/N. Good thing you were here with her. We’re good,” Liana explained.

The look of defeat made a come-back on her face, she looked tired now. Not angry, like she usually would be at a situation like this. Just tired.

Truth is, you were all tired.

 “I’ll have my guys check the security footage, I know we’ll find something,” Chris announced and made his way out of the kitchen.

 Sebastian was quiet. Liana left the two of you alone without another word said. And you could no longer hold back the tears.

You were scared, but these were tears of weariness.

 Sebastian didn’t say anything. He just held you as your body shook in his embrace with each sob.

  ---

  Couple of days after the break in, things were gradually going back to normal. Sebastian was always on the edge though.

Chris was around a lot more; he was frustrated because he couldn’t track Connor down. Liana was, well, a bit more grumpy than usual.

The conversation of ‘How does Connor get in right in front of our eyes?’ happened a lot these days. You didn’t participate, but you heard the arguments.

You refrained yourself from saying anything, because truly, you didn’t know what to say.

You had known Connor for years; that man taught you perseverance. He shaped your fighting spirit. If there’s anything you know about him, it’s that he won’t give up. Not now.

Not when he had already gone to such extremities.

  The guys who worked for Sebastian reassured him that they checked each and every part of the house; nothing had changed. Nor stolen, nor replaced.

Yet, you weren’t very convinced.

You started noticing slight changes. Ones you couldn’t tell anyone about because they were already stressed out enough.

 David’s medication, which you were still under, started leaving strange, bitter aftertastes in your mouth. You were supposed to be menstruating, but the flow was abnormal, and even ceased after a few hours. You wanted to talk to Liana about it, or David, but for some reasons; you blamed it all on the poisoning and the heavy medication.

 You started getting more and more lightheaded randomly during the day. You were losing your appetite little by little. Even your favorite dessert was making you nauseous now.

Your body hurt. Your ribs, joints, everything hurt on most days. And you had to walk around trying to hide your sharp intake of breath, and winces.

You even had to turn Sebastian down one night. And being the gentleman he is, he understood.

You were on the edge as well. You weren’t in pain, yet the cramps found their way back to you. They weren’t constant, but they were intense enough to wake you up at night; once or twice – you were thankful that Sebastian didn’t notice.

Your healthy was deteriorating, you knew.

At first, you thought all these were side effects of the medication. But you were soon proven wrong.

 ---

 One morning, while a not so healthy you, Sebastian, a sleep deprived Chris and a grumpy Liana were having breakfast, Sebastian’s phone rang.

He picked it up without even checking who the caller was, and before he could even moodily greet the caller, his body tensed.

He sat up straight on the stool and put the phone on loud.

 “… Stan, how’s life? How is my niece doing? You taking good care of her?” Connor’s voice spoke through the phone and all the colour from all your faces drained.

You could physically feel your fingertips getting colder. Icy even.

Sebastian didn’t reply immediately. Liana’s eyes were shooting death glares at the silver phone and Chris was just muttering curses under his breath; taking his phone out as well and typing furiously.

 “Don’t you dare, she’s no one to a monster like you, you old fuck. By the way, how’d you like the gift? Was it properly wrapped? Sorry, we couldn’t find the right bow,” Liana spat at him.

 He chuckled, sinisterly.

 You looked over at Sebastian, and he was just staring at the phone. No emotion, nothing.

 “I know you can hear me, Peanut. How are you? Good? Are you taking your meds like a good girl?” his question made everyone turned their heads towards you.

The nickname he used brought back so many memories of you and him. The road trips you had. The dad/daughter dates. Your argument with him over your first, ‘good-for-nothing’, boyfriend. Him always calling you to check up on you whenever you slept over at a friend’s house.

No matter what, angry or not, he would always call you ‘Peanut’.

The nickname taunted you, mocked you; like a machete sinking into your chest.

 Sebastian saw you struggling.

 “What the fuck do you want?” he asked, his anger clearly audible and visible on his face. Jaw clenched, eyes filled with a void – the mob boss was furious.

 “Oh not much, just to see the rare look of failure on your face when you realize that, despite I failed the first time, your girlfriend has been accidentally poisoning herself for the past couple of days. It was rather easy, having someone break in, and replace her medication with a bunch of harmful pills. Hey Peanut, how’s the nausea and the pain? Oh, feel free to take a painkiller that the stupid doctor gave you, it’s really gonna help,” his words left you breathless.

 “You are so gullible, Y/N. Is that what I taught you? You didn’t even bother checking if you were taking the right pills, or something which is slowly killing you right at this moment. It’s been more than 48 hours, Y/N, your body should be shutting down at any given moment.”

 His words had every one jump to their feet. Liana grabbed her own phone and immediately called David. Chris swore out loud and rushed out of the kitchen.

Sebastian looked… broken. Utterly broken.

 For the first time in days, you weren’t crying. You were just scared.

As soon as Connor stopped talking, your felt your chest hurt and a burning sensation invaded your throat. You were never one who was scared of dying. You believed it was natural, inevitable and one thing no one can fight.

Yet here you were, scared.

Scared of forgetting, scared of leaving Sebastian alone, scared of leaving Liana.

 “Has she collapsed yet? Why isn’t anyone talking? Hello?” Connor kept mocking through the phone, and like a ghost, uninvited, he was tormenting you. All of you.

 Sebastian reached out and touched your face.

 “Are you okay?” he asked, knowing perfectly well that you weren’t.

You started feeling lightheaded again, and you tried replying to him, but the lump in your throat got in the way of doing that.

You grabbed the counter, steadying yourself. Sebastian rushed to your side. He caged your frame in his arms and studied your face.

 You felt weak.

 “Of course she’s not okay, come on now! Hurry, rush her to the hospital! Although I should tell you that she might die on the way there if y-,”

 “SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Sebastian yelled, and you winced at his tone.

 It seemed as though you were hearing his voice louder than it actually was. The room had started spinning slightly.

Liana’s screaming voice became distant. Everything seemed distorted. And you were very, very scared.

 In your haze, you heard Connor laugh again through the phone. Sebastian held on to you desperately. For the first time, he didn’t know what to do.

 “I know you’ll find me, Sebastian. And I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you do. How does it feel, watching someone you care so deeply about dying in front of you? And you’re not able to save them?” Connor asked.

Sebastian didn’t reply. He couldn’t.

The thought of you not being with him was pure torture.

 He glanced at you and it seemed like you were in pain, and were having trouble breathing.

 “Y/N? Y/N! Hold on, I called an ambulance, they’re on their way. Just please, hold on,” Liana rushed to your side.

After her, you could hear Connor chuckle again.

Why wasn’t anyone ending the call already?

 Your thoughts got messy from there on. You remember hugging Sebastian as tightly as you could. You remember Liana holding you up and for the first time, you saw tears in her eyes.

Your body was giving up, it couldn’t hold you up anymore.

 “See you soon, Sebastian. You know where to find me, right where you left my son’s dead body,” Connor’s voice spoke before he apparently ended the call.

 Somewhere, you heard Chris speaking. And the one word you caught was “here”.

 You don’t remember much, just that it felt like you were falling asleep, fast.

You simply remember telling Sebastian you loved him.

 “I wanted more time with you,” was the last thing you whispered to Sebastian before giving in to the tempting slumber which took over in no time.

Light. Weightless. Darkness.

Nothing more.

  ^^^

    Sebastian watched helplessly as they strapped you to the stretcher, and his heart broke each time he looked at your face. Your eyes were closed, the spark in them couldn’t be seen. Your face was blank, your smile was gone.

You were… going away. And there was nothing he could do.

He still couldn’t figure out what to do.

He saw Liana running around, yelling stuff at Chris, yet none of what she said registered in his brain. Everything happened in slow motion.

  The next thing he knew is that he was pushed into the passenger seat of a car, with Chris in the driver’s seat.

 “Where’s Liana?” was all he was able to ask. His face was emotionless, he couldn’t even cry. All he could feel was the void in his chest. A heavy, empty weight right where he believed his heart was.

He didn’t know why he didn’t ask where you were instead. Perhaps, he knew. Or maybe he didn’t want to be reminded that you were critical.

 “She’s with Y/N. Don’t worry, man, you got this. She’ll be okay, don’t worry,” Chris wasn’t confident in what he said.

 The drive to the hospital was a blur, all Sebastian could focus on was the white van, with a siren which drove in front of them.

The sound of the siren hurt him. And he knew that the sound would probably haunt him forever.

Forever… he hoped he would spend it with you. He wanted to. But fate was acting against his will.

  Sebastian didn’t know how he ended up on the top floor of the hospital. All he knew was the Chris was there, and Liana too. She was on the phone with someone, and she was crying.

Why was she crying?

 He saw a man walked out of one of the room with ‘Intensive Care Unit’ written above it in dark red, like a warning sign.

The unknown man was wearing a white coat and he was talking to Chris and Liana, who cried even more with each word he said.

Sebastian was barely 3 feet away from the doctor, yet he couldn’t hear a thing he said.

He could hear his heartbeat ringing in his ear. Perhaps that was what prevented him from hearing a word the doctor said.

The doctor looked at him, patted him on the shoulder and turned around and walked away. He watched as the doctor walked back into the room, as for a brief second, as the door opened to allow the doctor in; Sebastian saw you.

Unconscious, and connected to countless monitors and machines. He heard the faint beep of one of the monitors, which signaled that your heart was still beating. You were still here.

The image of you; unmoving and connected to machines, and tubes and needles poking your skin, hurt him. He couldn’t bare the sight of you in pain. A part of him was relieved that you weren’t gone.

But why was Liana crying?

 The doctor walked into the room and shut the door behind him. The white door closed on Sebastian’s face, concealing you from him.

The spotless, white door mocked his loss.

He was shaking; anger, sadness, the involuntary sobs which escaped his mouth.

The mob boss didn’t realize that he had been crying until Liana appeared in front of him, blocking his view of the door.  

Sebastian’s vision got blurry.

 The tears fell, hot and harsh on his skin.

 Liana circled her arms around his torso, and once she did so, Sebastian’s head instinctively dropped to her shoulder. He could hear her sniffling, and he did the same – unable to stop the tears. Chris’ hand was firmly pressing against his shoulder blade, a caring but insufficient gesture to calm him down.

Sebastian cried. He was broken. And he hadn’t even heard what happened to you. All he knew, by studying Liana and Chris’ behavior, was that you weren’t waking up any time soon.

 Sebastian couldn’t tell when the last time he cried like this was. Certainly not at his father’s funeral, neither his mother’s. Yet, here he was, crying at the thought of losing you.

 He prayed. He prayed to God as his tears never ceased. He prayed for your life, your health. For you.

He knew he did bad things in his life. Hell, he did terrible things. He just hoped that this wasn’t God’s way of making him pay for his sins.

He couldn’t lose you. Not now, not when he knew that you were his everything. Oh he would make Connor pay for what he did. He knew that for sure. Yet, Connor was the last thing on his mind as he held on to his hope. 

He hoped, as his heart ached, he hoped for you to get better. He hoped that you’d wake up someday soon and smile up at him, and ask him to take you home. He hoped that he would be hug you again, kiss you, and love you again. He hoped that you would wake up and tell him that everything was going to be fine. Hoped to get a chance to spend this lifetime by your side.  

He hoped with all his heart.

Lively. Vibrant. Beautiful. He hoped to see you again.

 He would.

 Wouldn’t he?

-

Tags:@the-omni-princess @crawlingnightmares @derekxsammy @coffees-and-constellations @josie605 @someone-i-use-to-know @enigma-xlii @fromtheheartandsoul @nostalgicgrant @undiscovered-misunderstood @moowaa-us @flipflopasshat @finallysomegoodfuckingcontent @spideyxxboi @everything-is-awesomesauce @fangirl-writer-awesomeness @euphoricbuckys @keepcalmandsosayweall @naurin-of-the-east @hadouqueen @a-kiddo-with-a-doggo @theunknowinglys @toinfinityandbeyondaffection @nerdytarah @purplechipsblog @bxxbxy @loving-barnes @msruchita @abehnz01 @varvarafromgr @thehuntress26 @nojerama1996 @namebydot @carlya65 @generalhuxcanfux @mustbeaweasleyginger @otakushifter @parker-barnes-af @ladifreakingda @nerdeey @airloe @blvck-stabbath @minimin1993 @bakugouwinshester@mykingofasgardnew @pxrrishly @buckybarneshairpullingkink@richieleeparker @hiken-no-stark @yeahhemmings- @rororo06 @spn-marvel-nerd @heyiamthatbitch @tabalagux @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @ya-lyublu-tebya @queenofstarliqht @nickyl316h @booktease21 @darknesslibra @rxmanovbby @marvelfangirl-12 @sgtbxckybxrnes @tinsybarnes @officialboredomblogging @drabby-abby @scarlettequinn@spookyhufflepuffchild @drunkinthemiddleoftheday @knu18 @plums-and-peaches @harrison-shot-first @unlikelycandylove @peacefulpeonies @jbb-bucky0310 @honeyydippaa @sebstanwintersoldier27 @hereforsebastian @ela-ena @0bstacle-1 @dysisaurora @mzwikoff @fkngparadise @londonalozzy @trulysmoakin @punxgal @fxcking-negan @zainabmmm @stangirl-fangirl264 @uhh-katie-griffiths @mischeviousliar @sjeunhaelover @bundabear @cookies186 @grizz-is-the-loml @absolutecraziness13 @starstar1012 @cyasucka@rogerinaissexonlegs @buckyaboveall @allonszassbutt @rinthehufflepuff @izzys-addiction-for-fiction @s-trawberryv-eins @childishhoe @bubblegum-love18 @starbuckycofee @studentville-struggles @outerspacelines @extraextraguacplease @morrellica@thinkingaboutyoumendes @ckagak @rainbowkisses31 @frenchhufflepuff @thefvcker-tucker @myspectacularfantasies@yallneedtrek @radi0active-thoughts @usernamemingmei @miss-nxvxcaine @bookgirlunicorn @hackervan @alive-because-suicide-is-a-sin @jamesbuckybarnes13 @i-dont-know-how-to-words @marvelgirl7 @hinata7346 @itsmejessicastuff @smashley816

Permanent Tag List :@saharzek @minetticatinwonderland @imsoft-barnes @destiel-artemis @avnngrs @pleasforhelp @peaceinourtime82 @nec-me-ire @sexytholland @isabelcrichards @ahappylilybug2019 @lighterey@gentlethunderstorm @elevatorsnot-worthy @everything-is-awesomesauce @gloomybxy @mmyepic @breatheeagainnnn@ashlieadelia @dlcita @imrisaluk @asgardians-of-wakanda @grayxswan @freshprincessofwakanda @rynafallon @scuzmunkie @aflightlessborb @purpyyeol @xinyourdreamsx @starstar1012 @chrishiddle @ckagak @scuzmunkie @sevenseasofskye @sebabestianstan101 @mischeviousliar @stuckybarton @vnarniav @wintersoldier1017 @mannls @cal-ifornication @t-kageyamama 

#bucky imagine #Bucky Barnes #bucky #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fic #sebastian au #Sebastian Stan #bucky headcanon #sebastian stan headcanons #Marvel AU #mob bucky #mob seb #mobster seb #bucky x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes drabble #mcu x reader #mcu fanfiction #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan fluff #Winter Soldier #mcu smut

[speedyseastars]

Ranking F1 2021 Liveries

Decided leave this until after testing because the cars look best on track. So here is my opinion of the liveries, testing results are being disregarded. The bonus points do not count towards the score.

Alpine: 1000/10 Bonus Points: 0 because I only like the livery Alpine is the hot girl. The blue chrome is so bright, so beautiful, so stunning. I am in love with this car. Dare I say it she is sexy. I am in love with this car. Yeah she’s kind of ‘fat’ but just look at her... she’s pretty. This is how you do a flag livery.

Mclaren: 11/10 Bonus Points: 5 for the launch, 3 for Daniel, 4 for Lando 2020 livery but improved slightly. There is nothing about this livery that I dislike, I like all of it. The orange sparks joy, the rainbow sparks joy, in a world of cars that all look very similar this bright livery stands out and makes me happy. The blue is a beautiful shade, sponsor logos are well placed, no matter the tyre type they look good with the car. It’s perfect.

Red Bull: 10/10 Bonus Points: -1 for using the 2020 car, -1 for no camobull The RBR livery is iconic, they make matte paint work, and I will never complain about them not changing the livery. That being said I miss the days when they did camobull liveries just for a bit of fun. I do not see the point in them changing the livery when it is so timeless and recognisable, maintaining a brand and being easily identifiable is important.

Aston Martin: 8/10 Bonus Points: 5 for Seb and Lance Classy, elegant, sexy. The pink and green work so well together, it has a modern interior design feel to it. I had higher expectations for something less simple but I do love the car a lot already. That being said I think it’s got too much blue undertones, at times it looks more sea green than racing green.

Williams: 7/10 Bonus Points: 3 because someone hacked their app (sad) Why don’t people like this? It’s fun and different. If there wasn’t so many other blue cars it would stand out. ‘Video game livery’ and??? it look good why does it matter if it looks pullled from F1 2020, we are in the age of gaming embrace it.

Mercedes: 6/10 Bonus Points: 20 million for Sir Lewis Downgrade from last year but still so fucking hot. The AMG thing is a bit messy but I get it (everyone except me and Valtteri seems to forget it’s Mercedes AMG) HOWEVER that does not excuse it being ugly, the rear end of the car is just not a good look. The car is so shiny you could use it as a mirror so they do redeem themselves.

Alpha Tauri: 6/10 Bonus Points: 5 for Yuki (short representation!) Serious downgrade from last year. Really do think the blue and white should swap places. It’s not ugly, just a bit disappointing. My opinion changed over testing, the livery is nice it just looked really bad in the launch but I still like last year’s design more and it’s just in that weird space of ;could be better but I like it’ now so maybe it’ll grow on me throughout the season. And I still kind of miss the bright and shiny Toro Rosso.

Alfa Romeo: 6/10 Bonus Points: 0 because I forget they exist Did I forget they even had a car launch? Yes. The car is very nice, but in certain lights the red just looks really weird. Did anyone tell them you can’t read the numbers at certain angles where the number should be readable?

Ferrari: 5/10 Bonus Points: 10 for Charles and Carlos Bright green on a red car... okay Ferrari you got people talking about your ‘totally not tobacco’ sponsor but it messes with my eyes when I look at it. The gradient on the rear is pretty, but I feel it’s too sudden it needs to be dragged out more. That being said it’s a very lovely colour oh no ferrari is making me like red. Yes the photo is different I wanted to use a Charles photo and I liked this one.

Haas: 0/10 Bonus Points:  10 for Mick (he deserves better this is unfair), -1000000 for everything else The design itself is not that bad. Simple and vintage. But the symbolism of the livery, it’s just a glaring reminder of what the team has become, of the fact that you know who is driving that car. I actually feel so bad for Mick and hope he gets out of there soon. Also how is it allowed to have Russian flags everywhere? No photo because I can’t bring myself to look at the car without crying.

#f1 #watch no one care about this idc it's just for fun and personal reasons #also i need to write to maintain my literacy #mai.txt

[fysebastian]

chicago’s very own sebastian “james” altera has been spotted on madison avenue driving a 1965 ford mustang , welcome ! your resemblance to timothée chalamet is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re insecure , but being affable might help you . i think being a pisces explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be an unmade mess of bedsheets, a cloud of cigarette smoke against the night sky, an oversized borrowed hoodie . ( i slept with the director to get my first big role  ) & ( cismale & he/him )

to everyone i haven’t met yet HELLO i’m bee and this is my trash baby sebastian <3 if you don’t read this whole thing then i don’t blame you and if you do then slide into the dms for some lovin because you’re da best. please be aware that this could be triggering to some and so if you’re sensitive to<b> abuse & suicide keep that in mind! that being said, pls don’t hesitate to send me an im if you’d like to plot~

basics

full name: sébastien émile altera, known as “sebastian james” nicknames: seb, bash birth date: february 28, 1995 occupation: actor sexuality: homosexual relationship status: married to jesse “lennon james” altera birth place: chicago, illinois nationality: french american height: 5′7″ weight: 142 lbs social media handle: @bashmoney  afflictions: major depressive disorder smokes/drinks/drugs: yes/yes/yes

full story

sebastian was born to a newly wed couple as their second child and only son, completing their happy little family as a healthy and lively baby who always seemed to have a smile on his face.

his childhood was modest, but they lived comfortably. his father was a french immigrant and the breadwinner of the family whereas his mother was of american descent and a stay at home mom. he was raised catholic and attended church every sunday and said his prayers before their evening meal.

from a young age he remembers being glued to the television, to the point where his family would have to turn it off just to make him go outside. he’d memorize the lines from all his favourite movies and recite them to whomever would listen. it became very clear that he had an attraction to theatrics.

his dad never really humoured the thought of acting but his mom was a little more supportive of the idea and took him to his first audition when he was six years old. from then on he just kept auditioning and he had a handful of various roles from the ages of six to seventeen under his anglicised name (which is what he goes by).

sebastian was a good kid, but like most children he did rebel. he was twelve when he discovered alcohol and not much older when he discovered his attraction to boys, and both became a secret he’d try to keep from his family. most weekends he’d sneak out to some party or to hang out with his friends and although he struggled with his sexuality for a long time deep down he always knew

so long as he kept up with his studies and continued to attend church every sunday, his parents were fairly willing to turn a blind eye to his misdemeanors. his relationship became more and more strained the older he got, however. it became more obvious that he was resisting their upbringing and he seemed to stray further from god’s teachings every day. his family was not as happy as it appeared to be, and his father was often drunk and verbally abusive to his mother. as he became older he’d throw snide comments his way as well. he almost never attended his school plays even when he’d get the lead role in every one

sebastian graduated high school and left home as soon as he could, ending up moving to new york city with some friends and at eighteen he landed the role that would accumulate him mass amounts of fame, little did he know at the time. it was a lead role in a musical (spoiler but it’s hsm) and his rise to the top of the film industry was sudden and he was easily swept up by fame and fortune

sebastian, who had always trusted the wrong kind of people, found himself going out every night and waking up in places he didn’t recognize with people he didn’t know. he slept with whoever would pay him attention and swallowed whatever pill was put into his mouth. he dated all the worst kinds of guys, guys who would cheat on him and most notably a guy who was physically and verbally abusive on and off for years

his confidence was essentially destroyed during his period of time, believing that he couldn’t do any better for himself because he wasn’t worth anything and allowing himself to be manipulated by people who told him this. he was a shell of who he used to be

sebastian’s downhill spiral ended in disaster when he attempted suicide in a last effort to make it all end. luckily he was not successful and woke up in the hospital, from where he went directly to therapy. eventually things began to get a bit better

it was from here that he started over, getting back into acting and reconnecting with his old friends. there are times where the flashbacks and the nightmares and the negative thoughts feel like they’re suffocating him, but he’s doing a thousand times better than he was. he’s working on more healthy relationships and surrounding himself with positive people, but it’s hard because that’s not what he’s used to.

his parents have since divorced and he talks to his mom occasionally but hasn’t heard from his dad in years. he’s been making a new name for himself as of late in roles that involve drugs, mental health and most recently homosexuality (cmbyn anyone?)-- basically everything he was too afraid to even try when under the influence of his parents. he still parties, probably a little too much and a little too hard, but he’s a work in progress

personality/facts

sebastian is the kind of person who needs to be with people at all times. if he’s alone that’s when he really starts getting in his head. he’ll probably show up at your place unannounced if he feels comfortable with you and if he does it probably means that he needs to get away from himself for a bit.

he’s a very touchy person so he’s always cuddling up to his friends and likes to hug and express his affection in a very physical way.

he’s generally pretty nice to everyone and gets along with most people. it’s not hard for him to make friends but he’s somehow always questioning if people really like him or if they just put up with him. he’s very insecure about this deep down.

he wears his heart on his sleeve and is a very emotional person. he cries when he’s happy and he cries when he’s sad. he’s sensitive and just wants to be loved :(

very trusting of people and will likely forgive you again and again even if you don’t deserve to be forgiven

doesn’t seem to know he’s famous and is extremely humble.

he loves to dance even though he’s not the best at it and he loves to sing as well. he also plays the piano!

he lives in oversized hoodies and jeans and sometimes baseball caps. he’s also a big fan of knitted sweaters with quirky designs on them. definitely rocks the same pair of adidas sneakers until they’re no longer wearable. also band tees

he has a thing for old cars and vintage clothes. definitely has a giant record collection and is a big fan of rock music as well as rap

has a few tattoos but they’re all hidden

he’s bilingual and has been in a couple of french movies, which never really made it big in america

he’s a chain smoker; he smokes when he’s stressed, when he’s drunk, when he’s bored, etc. so he’s kind of always smoking

not a big social media user because he sometimes takes the negative comments to heart

#wealthyhq:intro #not much has changed besides his name #just a few minor details #abuse #suicide

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #417

Top Ten Disney Sidekicks

So a few weeks (months?!) ago, I did a ranking of Disney villains, and I thought that other lists could easily enough be made featuring sidekicks and henchmen. So there’s no big preamble this week, no big movie to tie into (uh, Onward? Except that’s Pixar and I’m sticking with straight Disney animations here). Here’s my list of Favourite Disney Sidekicks.

Except: what is a sidekick? There’s this idea of a Disney animation where you have a protagonist – usually a young woman out to prove herself – and she talks to some wisecracking animals or what have you. And, sure, that’s definitely a thing in a lot of Disney animations – even when the animals don’t really talk back. But so many “sidekicks” take such a prominent and important role in the narrative that they’re more secondary-leads or deuteragonists rather than a “sidekick”. I’m not sure where the dividing line is, exactly, and I went back-and-forth with a couple of these; all I know is, the raccoon from Pocahontas is definitely a sidekick, but the Genie from Aladdin is supporting character.

I guess the dividing line is: do they change, do they develop, are they affected by the machinations of the plot (other than being sad or happy or hungry, or whatever); do they learn and grow, do they have an arc? As such I have – with extreme reluctance – scratched off my beloved Olaf, who I think has far too much development and screentime to be a “mere” sidekick (likewise Tinkerbell and Jiminy Cricket, although as usual this is probably just me splitting hairs).  

Timon & Pumbaa (Nathan Lane & Ernie Sabella, The Lion King, 1994): oh look, me again, sticking a pair of things in one slot (steady). But T&P are an inseparable double-act, providing ample comic relief in an otherwise fairly straight-laced epic animation, with great performances and a belter of a signature song. With their own spin-off TV series and movie, they’re the Jim’s Dad of Lion King characters.

Sebastian (Samuel E. Wright, The Little Mermaid, 1989): nudging the “supporting character not sidekick” category, Seb gets away with being more of a foil to Ariel throughout the film, even if he mellows a bit throughout. With another great, distinctive performance (and an accent I, rather problematically, loved to imitate as a child), he’s so cool he has not one but two amazing classic songs.

Abu (Frank Welker, Aladdin, 1992): bags of character in a tiny frame (er, except when he becomes a massive elephant), Abu is a comic delight who also provides moments of pathos and is a sympathetic sounding-board for our hero Aladdin to soliloquise against. The first great Frank Welker-makes-animal-noises performance on this list too.

Mushu (Eddie Murphy, Mulan, 1998): before Shrek’s Donkey, there was Mulan’s Mushu; a sarcastic smart-arse talking animal voiced by Murphy. Here, he’s in more of his early-career streetwise mode (rather than the naïve oaf Donkey); he’s a comic delight, full of great one-liners, and a superbly angular design.

Pascal (Frank Welker, Tangled, 2010): a virtually-mute animal, Pascal still has bucketloads of character, with vast, expressive eyes and a mouth that takes up half his body. He gets plenty of gags, but those big eyes offer a lot of soul too. And scratch off another animal performance for Mr. Welker.

Jaq & Gus (Jimmy McDonald, Cinderella, 1950): really, all the mice in Cinderella deserve this spot, but it’s brave, earnest, and strong-willed Jaq and good-natured, ever-hungry Gus who I’ll single out. Funny and sweet, sticking up for Cinders, they also have a cute song and a really distinctive vocal tic. I didn’t realise till composing this list they were both voiced by the same fella.

Cogsworth & Lumière (David Ogden Stiers & Jerry Orbach, Beauty and the Beast, 1991): another great double-act from a ‘90s Disney, the odd couple relationship between a stuffy old clock and a perpetually horny candelabra helps define the movie and the concept of talking bric-a-brac. And those sexy candles sing the heck out of “Be Our Guest”.

Louis (Michael-Leon Wooley, The Princess and the Frog, 2009): an undersung character in an undersung movie, Louis is a big old ‘gater with a big old heart, who just wants to play his music, dagnabbit. Reinforcing the bluesy theme of the film, a great design that harkens back to classic Disney (there’s more than a little of Peter Pan’s croc about him), he’s a sweet and funny little big dude.  

Sven (Frank Welker/Jonathan Groff, Frozen, 2013): ah, Sven; what is there to say about the other most famous reindeer? An expressive and hilarious sidekick and best mate to Kristoff, they have a brilliant and batty double-act centred on the hilarious conceit of Kristoff voicing Sven’s “thoughts”. Their duet in Frozen II is a song for the ages, and the Academy are cowards for not giving it all the Oscars.

Timothy Q. Mouse (Edward Brophy, Dumbo, 1941): another character arguably a bit big to be “just” a sidekick, Timothy is a sort of representation of Dumbo’s consciousness, offering the audience exposition where is big flying pal cannot speak for himself. He doesn’t have much of an arc himself, though, hence he’s still on this list; but with him being a best mate and even father figure for Dumbo, and what he lacks in signature tunes he makes up for by being part of “Pink Elephants on Parade”.

So, there we are! No room, sadly, for Danny DeVito in Hercules, or Thumper, or the supporting dogs from Lady and the Tramp, or… you get the idea. Come back in a few months for “enemy henchmen!”

#top ten #movies #disney #animation #sidekicks

[reasonablespeculation]

SPOILERS digest #4

:) You know the drill folks... behind the cut be spoilers. (Oh and in my liked posts as well. Idk why you would be looking at them, but just in case!)

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

           the anon who wrote in multiple messages with actual spoilers is right, that’s pretty much everything that happens concerning bucky. the last scene is peggy and steve dancing in 1940, and while i love hayley and chris it was so awkward, i got staron vibes, just felt out of place. but yeah cap really got a shitty arc and i my stucky feelings aside i don’t think he would leave behind bucky, sam, everyone who counted on him as cap while they reeled with the loss of nat and tony. very ooc.             RS- agreed. Even minus Bucky, leaving his team behind seems very ooc to me as well.

           Sam and Bucky had very minimal but sweet interactions which is a nice setup for the sambucky show, imo. During Tony’s funeral all the characters are gathered around a lake and Sam comforts Bucky kinda patting/rubbing his back (which idk why but it was cute), and when old Cap appears Bucky and Sam start to approach then Bucky stops and tells Sam to ‘go ahead’ when old Cap hands Sam the shield he looks back at Bucky who nods his approval before he takes it. Thought those were nice moments.             RS- good! I’m very looking forward to their show.

           Just saw endgame. Went to read your spoiler digest. I don't agree, my feeling was that Steve felt reunited with Buck, he got him back at the WS movie, and then again when he returned from dust. Bucky was in his life and he knew that that wouldn't change once he got back from the stones. So Steve decided to take his time with Peggy. He got the best of both worlds, and by the way he and buck said goodbye I with that they both agreed that it was the best thing to do.             RS- I’m glad that you’re satisfied with the ending! :)

           I just got back from Endgame, people are overreacting, some have not even seen and are repeating what others are saying. Hulk says in the movie that by traveling to the past our present becomes our past. When Steve decided to stick with peggy, the his present became his past. Ancient One will tell the Hulk that by removing the stones, this opens up alternative realities. So Steve went to another reality, he did not erase Peggy's husband and children.  Part 1                        Even if he had defeated Hydra on his return, this would not stop Bucky from teh present suffering from torture, this is explained when the Nebula kills the Nebula of the past. The current Nebula remains alive. Steve is not selfish, he also did not abandon Bucky. Bucky lets him go and be happy. Watch the movie for yourself, there are great moments, the movie is good. Part 2             

           The Hydra cap scene is because he needs to pick up the tesseract that is with Rumlow, so he tells that bald guy that he needs the bag. they would start a fight in the elevator, to stop it from happening, he says hail hydra. It is played with humor and he needed to get the tesseract that Tony had lost.             

           The Russo brothers are getting undeserved praise for having an openly gay minor character in Endgame, when they could have easily shown that representation with one of the actual superheroes. Valkyrie is canonically bi, imagine how amazing that would be for so many fans who do identify as lgbtq. And on top of that they baited and then denied fans who do ship stucky the opportunity to interpret Steve’s ending how they want. I’m so disappointed.       

           Really bummed out Bucky doesn’t end up with the shield. They hinted at the shield being pass down to Bucky throughout the films. Does he stay as the Winter Soldier? What is this whole White Wolf thing? Does Seb still have that 9 picture deal? I dunno. Just think Bucky deserves more.             RS- yeah :/

              Ok so screw the comics. They made it out to be steve grew old  made a life and is married to Peggie due to the ring on his finger. And Wtf Bucky nod and was ok with Steve handing Falcon /Sam the shield 🛡.  This is insane. I now truly believe the rumors that Chris Evans actually block Seb from getting the Shied. The Russo are great however they have completely fucked it up when it  comes to the ark of Capt America and passing of the shield 🛡 so disappointed. Great movie but no!!! Just wrong.             RS- there’s no way Chris would do that or has the power to do that. Don’t start believing conspiracy theories hun.

           Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield... the Entire Captain America revolved around the friendship of these two and how steve fought to get him back etc for the end Steve to leave bucky behind and cap America become selfish over Peggie who he barley knew and had a crush on and. Create a life with her to grow old. It makes no sense. Not to mention to hand over the shield to falcon and have Bucky nod in approval. Wtf!             

           Please, can you post (with spoiler alert read more cut), how many screentime has Seb? And what do you think about his performace, arc, etc. Thanks!             RS- I haven’t seen the movie.

           Do you think that anything changed that Bucky/Seb didn't take up the shield and Sam/Anthony did? I always thought it was going to go to Bucky, and I am happy that Sam has it - he deserves it and I'm so happy for Anthony Mackie, too - but it still surprised me. I'll be glad to see Seb being able to do much more various work now. I wonder if he's sad though. It always seemed like he wanted the shield and my <3 is sad for Seb that he didn't get it.             RS- there was always the chance it would go to Falcon because it happens in some of the comics. I don’t mind as long as Seb gets a good meaty character arc with Bucky. ... but with what happened to Cap... I don’t trust Marvel with that anymore.

           Fans are really not happy about Endgame.             RS- lol. Short and to the point.

#endgame spoilers #a4 spoilers

[peoplediedrobert]

I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues

A exploration of Aaron and postnatal depression

AO3 

*this fic will not be for everyone. It is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart because I suffered from (and still do really) postnatal depression for 18 months. I thought it would be interesting to work out my feelings through Aaron, as male postnatal depression is NEVER given the attention it deserves. Given his history (just like mine), he is a prime candidate for PPND. I hope you give it shot, and let me know what you think. Keep negative comments to yourself, though!* 

(If someone needs more info about postnatal depression or PPND, shoot me a message!)

It starts small, as these things often do. Seb had been living with Robert and Aaron only a few weeks when Aaron began waking up multiple times throughout the night, more often than not for no reason. Seb would be sound asleep, baby monitor softly crackling beside Robert’s head, but Aaron would strain his ears to make doubly sure Seb was fine. He would roughly wake up in a sweat, heart pounding, body twisted in the duvet, sometimes he even bolted straight up. This went on for weeks.

The lack of sleep became apparent immediately. Aaron’s sullen and sometimes dark attitude worsened with each day he survived on four hours (or less) of sleep. He was easily irritated by everyone, more so than usual. On more than one occasion he would snap at Robert or Liv over something insignificant and had to watch them curl up within themselves, eager to get away from Aaron’s sharp tongue. Aaron hated himself for that, but couldn’t stop it. His mind was on edge. It was like he had no control over his own mind or thoughts. He found himself staying at the scrapyard for even ten extra minutes, just to revel in the silence. The Mill was always loud. Seb was babbling or crying, Liv was listening to music at a ridiculous volume, and Robert was just always there, hovering. Double checking. Trying to soothe what he didn’t understand but only making it worse.

Aaron began skipping breakfast. He just wasn’t hungry, and if he stayed in bed, he had at least half an hour to himself every morning. At first, Robert would try to bring him a tray of food, joking about breakfast in bed for his beautiful husband but Aaron could do nothing but pick at the food, his appetite nonexistent. Robert stopped trying after a few days. Aaron found himself pulling away from Robert. The small touches they gave one another throughout the day--a hand on the small of a back, brushing up next to one another periodically, light squeezes of a hand in passing--became too much. His smile became an even rarer sight than before and he could feel himself becoming smaller and smaller, hunching over.

The moment he knew there was an actual problem was when he found himself getting irritated and angry when he heard Seb cry. It began to feel like Aaron had to physically force himself to pick Seb up and comfort him. It felt like he didn’t want to pick him up but knew he had to. The guilt gnawed at him for weeks--what kind of a bloke gets irritated at a baby? What kind of a bloke begins to resent the idea of caring for an innocent child who just wants love and attention?

Aaron didn’t understand. He was in a good place. He had worked hard to get to this healthy point in his life. The pain of the last year had taught him to open up just a bit more, to reach out rather than bottle it all up within himself. He felt like a failure. Maybe everything he had told Robert, over and over again, about not resenting Seb was a lie that he told himself because he missed Robert so much? There’s no way he could be a good father anyway, given his history, right? That voice in his head, fanning the fire of self doubt, got louder and louder every day. Aaron got the urge to run. To run as far as he could, as fast as he could, away from the stress, the noise, the way Robert and Liv began walking on eggshells around him. He wanted to feel the burn in his legs so maybe the constant and ever present anxiety in his head would go away. This was a problem.

It all comes to a head on a bright and cheery Sunday morning. After finally falling asleep as the sun rose, Aaron is awoken by the sound of Robert, Liv, and Seb at the breakfast table. Aaron sits up in bed, his eyes bleary and his head pounding. The night prior had actually been a good night--he’d gotten nearly five hours of sleep. Aaron heaves himself out of bed, throws on whatever clothes he can find and joins his family, feeling hungry for once. He notices immediately that everyone quiets down when he reaches the bottom of the stairs, all turning to look at Aaron. He gives them all a smile and he can physically feel the tension in the room dissipate (when did that happen? When did everyone look to Aaron to figure out how the day would go?) He sits down at the table, doing his best to insert himself in the conversation. Liv gives him small looks across the table, searching his face for signs of the old Aaron, a grumpy git to everyone else but a big softie when they were in their home. He tries hard to give her what she wants. He smiles and he asks questions and he ruffles Seb’s hair in passing. All of it feels like an act.

Shortly after breakfast, Robert suddenly looks to Liv and softly asks, “Can you take Seb to the pub to see Chas, or over to see Diane? Just for an hour or so.” The look on his face is so earnest, it’s impossible for her to say no. They gather up all the little things he might need and pack it in to the diaper bag. Liv gives Aaron a little hug and pushes the pram out the front door.

“What was that for, Robert? I thought you wanted to spend today as a family?” Robert says nothing. He guides Aaron to the couch and sits him down and takes a seat on the other side. The distance between them has never been greater, and Aaron wants to cry. Robert continues to sit in silence, clearly gathering his thoughts, opening and closing his mouth a few times until the anticipation gets to Aaron and he barks, “Would you please get on with it, Robert?” At that, Robert turns to Aaron and the world falls out from beneath him when Robert asks, “Do you regret this? Me and Seb? Do you want us to leave?”

Shock runs through Aaron and out of his mouth before he can think. “What are you on about, Rob? Where is this coming from?” “Aaron, I know you pretty well, surprisingly, and something isn’t right. And it hasn’t been right since Seb moved in with us. I know it was your idea, but I wouldn’t blame you if this is too much. We can always say we gave it a go again and it didn’t work.” Robert looks impossibly sad, and Aaron’s heart swells at the thought that Robert could put himself through this just so Aaron would be happy.

Aaron lurches forward and pulls Robert into a bone crushing hug. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t know what’s wrong, but it isn’t you, and it isn’t Seb.” He releases Robert and then taps the side of his own head as he says, “It’s something up here. I don’t know what’s happening. Maybe I’m not cut out for this but I don’t want you to go.” Robert looks deep in Aaron’s eyes, and immediately Aaron knows what the next question will be as he gestures at Aaron’s stomach.

“You haven’t…”

“No, Robert. I haven’t. But something is wrong and I don’t know what.”

“Well then we figure it out, together. I love you, Aaron and I want you to let me help.”

Aaron drags his hand across his face, wiping up the tears he didn’t even know he’d been shedding and takes a deep, ragged breath as he admits, “I think I need to see someone. At the very least I need to figure out what’s happening in my head.” He leans his head back against the couch, just enjoying the feeling of Robert rubbing his arm over and over. The exhaustion of the past few weeks settled over Aaron and he physically sags against its weight.

Aaron makes an appointment with his GP and has to force himself to go the morning of. As he arrives, his nerves are jumping. His foot jingles nervously against the floor until it is his turn to go back into the office. She welcomes him and gestures for him to sit down. “What brings you here today?”

Aaron doesn’t even know where to begin. How do you explain to a fellow adult that well, you aren’t sleeping well and you aren’t that hungry and you’re irritable? He would sound like he’s describing every teenager ever. “I don’t know. My partner and I took in his little boy to live with us full time. It was great in the beginning. We went through a rough patch last year but we got back together and everything was fine. Then…” Aaron stops, embarrassed at what he’s about to say.

“Aaron, I will help in every way that I can. But I need to know what’s happening.”

Another deep breath and he lets it all out. His struggles in the past, his sleeplessness now, how irritated he is at everything and everyone, most importantly how he has started to feel towards Seb. He recounts every moment of anxiety, every time he felt like clawing his own skin, every time he just wanted to run and never look back. Here he was in front of what was essentially a stranger, tears in a constant river down his face, laying himself bare. When he’s done, he just looks up to the doctor and is met with an immensely sympathetic face.

“I think the answer is rather more simple than you think, Aaron. From everything you’ve told me I think you’re suffering from postnatal depression, specifically paternal postnatal depression. Although it manifests itself in hundreds of ways, your sleeplessness, irritability and the inability to connect with Seb all point to that diagnosis.”

Aaron’s breathing slows and he looks at the doctor, confusion written all over his face. Without meaning to, and without understanding why, he begins to argue, “Isn’t that something only women get? He’s not biologically mine—why is this affecting me and not my partner?”

“Postnatal depression isn’t always about biology, Aaron. Yes, oftentimes when women suffer from it, it’s because of the hormonal changes in her body but it’s more than that. You’ve had your entire life interrupted by a very loud and very needy little human. Even if it was something you had prepared for, you don’t know how your brain will react when the baby actually gets here. More than that, It is common for someone with a history of depression to be affected—man or woman. You’ve done nothing wrong and this doesn’t mean you don’t love Seb or don’t want to care for him. That’s not how this works.”

Aaron lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He felt the weight lift from his shoulders and he sat up a bit straighter.

“There’s multiple ways we can treat this. Weekly counseling is your best bet, and there’s always medications we can try. If it helps, oftentimes postnatal depression lifts after the first year. There’s no reason to assume this is permanent. And you have nothing to apologize for. Now that you recognize the problem, you can begin to fix it.”

And that does it. Aaron’s face turns hot and the tears start falling all over again. That was his biggest fear—that this anxious, guilty, terrible feeling would be with him forever. That his brain could never just let him be.

The doctor hands him tissues and silently squeezes his hands. “We will solve this. Let’s make you some appointments. A more immediate ‘fix,’ if we could call it that, is that you have to get more sleep. Studies have shown that lack of sleep is the biggest trigger for postnatal depression. Make yourself a priority and this will pass.”

The drive home is mercifully long enough that Aaron can gather his thoughts. He can finally admit to himself how scared he had been of himself the last few weeks. He doesn’t even try to stop the tears making tracks down his face. It feels good to feel something other than anger and irritation.

When he arrives home, he sees Robert sitting on the couch, reading a book. He looks up when Aaron walks in through the front door and gives Aaron a small, cautious smile. “How did it go?” he asks. Aaron drops himself down next to Robert, thighs touching--he needs to feel connected to Robert again. He didn’t realize how far apart they had grown but now he feels it like a physical ache. He picks up Robert’s hands and intertwines their fingers.

“Turns out, and you may not believe this, but I’m normal.” Robert snorts and turns his head towards Aaron with a smile, “I don’t think either of us fit that description, but go on.” “The doc thinks I have paternal postnatal depression. So me being a mardy arse for these last few weeks is actually textbook.” Robert’s eyes go incredibly soft and he gives Aaron’s hand a squeeze as he continues. “I need to go to counseling once a week and possibly medication if it comes to that. Apparently with my history, this isn’t unheard of. So, now I know what the problem is. Also it’s been doctor approved that I need to get more sleep. So, I get all the lie-ins I want.” At that, Robert bursts out laughing and Aaron joins in. “Oh I see, you just wanted an excuse to be lazy,” Robert says teasingly. He gives Aaron a soft kiss, cradling his face in his hands. “We’ll get through this, Aaron. Together.”

Aaron continued to have bad days. He slept more, he took time for himself, he stopped taking the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he still had bad days. Days where everyone irritated him and he wanted to run, but instead of turning inward, he made an appointment or he talked to Robert, or he played in the garden with Seb or he played endless amounts of video games with Liv. Slowly and surely, the fog lifted and Aaron smiled more. He laughed more and felt like a normal human again. And the next time they bring a baby home, Aaron feels immensely more prepared.

#Aaron dingle #seb white #Robert sugden #tw mental health #tw PPND #tw depression #robron #robron fanfic #my terrible writing #postnatal depression #postpartum depression #seriously do not come for me #fanfic #myterriblewriting

[notveryglittery]

*kicks down door* I HEARD OCS SAY MORE RIGHT NOW I want more godchildren to love

AHHHH, OKAY, WORM, YOU ASKED FOR IT–

these are all OCs from a role play i’m in that is basically harry potter meets x-men, in that the setting is a magical boarding school off the coast of california. it’s with the same friend group as the aforementioned reincarnated fairytales role play!! 

this got long so it’s under a read more oops–

the first one is named larkyn! she can teleport and she is the Ultimate Cinnamon Roll Mom Friend. she has every streaming service there is and if you’re trying to watch a tv show or movie, she’s the one you go to. her twin sister (played by my friend hedgie) is named katie and they are complete opposites but they are the most important people in each other’s lives!!

then there’s zoe, a mean bully of a girl, who has a lot of development to go through, but she’ll get there!! her power is sonic screaming and she goes into the woods on the island all the time to just Yell Into The Void. her soon-to-be-girlfriend artemis doesn’t put up with her shit and honestly, they’re gonna be cute as hell :’) 

eloise, ahhh, my poor eloise :( she came from a very long line of magic users and ended up with no magic herself. her parents basically disowned her and the whole island pretty much shunned her. but she’s determined!!!! she’s gonna prove everybody wrong!!! now she’s attending college at the school and has a very… eclectic trio of roommates. we call them the s’maud - eloise is the marshmallow, jay is the (dark, bitter) chocolate, shayla is the graham cracker (her last name… is graham), and theo is the fire itself (he’s constantly roasting them). 

moriah is… even more sad… maybe. i am definitely not biased towards eloise and moriah, what… anyway, wish granting. which SUCKS and she HATES it. she used to be very optimistic and friendly but now she’s a pessimist and doesn’t trust anybody. she’s a vegetarian and she goes on hikes and loves taking photos and vlogging and getting those Instagram Likes. her boyfriend’s using her for the wishes but there is still some modicum of love there and it’s just… gonna be really awful… when she finds out… anyway i love her and she does not deserve what i put her through.

(moriah and seb hate each other, like, with a passion, which is always so funny to me, since i talk about them in this order, since this is the order i created them).

seb!!!!! fast boi that glows!!!!!!!! he’s got self esteem issues like you wouldn’t believe but he loves star wars and running and pranks and his friends and talking!!!!! he’s got a lot of useless trivia facts because he reads really fast and he can never sit still for anything and oh my gosh, i just love him so much, he means the entire world to me!!! he’s a genderbend of my original original character named stella. hedgie made edgar (#theuniverseshipsstellar) and his genderbend is ellie, so in this role play… they are sebellie :’) otp to end all otps.

juniper is a retired superhero and she’s the best and i love her. she also doesn’t deserve the sadness i have given her. something really bad happened in her hometown and she ran away from it, traveling the world for two years (she can fly and has super strength), before arriving on this island. now she’s just trying to start over and live her life in peace! she and seb are hella good friends!

astra!!!! my enby, thrill seeking child!! their power is immunity which essentially means they Cannot Die. and boy, do they like to test it. everybody is pretty much constantly worried for their well being but they do not like to make connections with others because, hey, any death could be permanent, so why would they get close to people?? but they’re constantly cold and get sick easily and will cuddle anybody who lets them. as of sorta recently, a Big thing happened to them and uh… well, shit is about to hit the fan…

lastly, tobias! tobi is my newest kid. he’s got technopathy and x-ray vision. he is the chillest person you’ll ever meet. like, gun in his face - he’s not gonna blink an eye. it’s a Problem. he hacks into the school files all the time to learn about students and also social media because, hey, if he already knows stuff about you, then there’s no awkward small talk, just right to it, y’know? he’s terrible and i love him. 

and that’s just the Magic Kids. this doesn’t even cover the Fairytale Kids. (but please, if i could yell about stella and aurora… i will…)

THANK YOU FOR ASKING OMG I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM

#about me #my ocs #thank you for asking! #soc #dani answers

[hellomissmabel]

Evie

MASTERLIST

AO3 account

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: Cancer, death

Word count: 2.382

Summary: Bucky returns to his home town to take care of his ex girlfriend, Eveline or “Evie”. Meanwhile, he gets to known Y/N, who helps out with the groceries and lives with her brother Scott after the death of their parents. They’re both torn by their feelings, insecure about what the future holds for Evie and what this might mean for Bucky and Y/N.

A/N: written for @promarvelfangirl and my prompt was “maple syrup”

Masterlist to all Seb’s characters can be found here

There’s a hint of grey in his beard, getting fuller the longer he spends his days around the village. There’s a hint of grey in his blue eyes, getting duller the longer he spends helping out at Eveline’s cottage. It pains him to see her deteriorate, her frail skin and weak bones demanding a high toll from the otherwise strong-minded young woman.

You knock on the oak front door, the wood creaking softly under the strength of your first. He opens the door and gives you a happy smile, his eyes lighting up in absolute delight. After letting you in, he wanders to the room out back to grab his woollen coat with his wallet. As you’re putting the groceries on the table, he hands you more than enough money to cover for expenses.

“I can’t, Buck,” you refuse his hand gently, accepting only half of the dollar bills he’s offering you. You’re not short on money and you gladly lend a hand whenever you can.

Bucky looks at his empty wallet and with a sad half-smile puts the money back. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“I’ve got everything you asked for, and more,” you announce with a soft giggle when you show him the little bottle of maple syrup and the pancake mix you picked up at the local shop. “I remember you mentioned you used to inhale pancakes drenched in maple syrup as a kid?”

A flicker of grey awakens a wildfire in his eyes. “You remembered?” In disbelief, he takes the glass bottle from you and reads the card wound around the neck of the bottle with an elastic band. “For Bucky, from Y/N.”

You shuffle with your feet and look down, biting you lower lip in anticipation of Bucky’s reaction. “It’s a present,” you mumble quietly.

“I love it, thank you so much, doll.” Bucky gently places the bottle back on the table top and walks around, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and hugging you tightly to his broad chest.

Blushing a bright red as he releases you again, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear, you stuff your hands back in the pockets of your coat. “How’s Evie?”

“Worse,” he replies in a sullen tone, shrugging dejectedly. “Doctor says she won’t make it to the end of the year. Maybe not even to Christmas if the cold hits early this winter.”

“I’m so sorry, Buck. If there’s anything I can do –“

“You’ve done more than enough, doll,” Bucky interrupts you in a kind tenor, his baby blues reflecting the torn soul inside.

Eveline was his high school sweetheart, the prom queen to his prom king. He loved her dearly, but she was always meant to be the girl next-door. Bucky is a big city lover and moved away after high school. Only at the reunion last year he showed back in town and that’s when he found out about Eveline’s condition.

“How about I pay you back this tomorrow morning? Steve is taking Evie to the hospital for a check-up and they’ll be gone all day. We can try out that pancake mix you got us? Have a little brunch?”

“I don’t know, Buck,” you answer hesitantly. Bucky quit his job and stayed in town to take care of Evie, who is obviously still madly in love with him. Evie’s brother, Steve, always supported their relationship and was overjoyed when he heard Bucky wanted to do his part in getting Evie back up her feet. That is, until her fate was sealed by cancer.

The brunet takes your pause to heart and brushes it off as a mere thought. “No, don’t worry, it was just a silly idea. But if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Throwing one last look at Bucky stocking the shelves, you let yourself out and make your way back to your home, where your brother Scott is waiting for you. Ten years ago, Scott would’ve never pegged you for the small town life. But here you are, with your own shop of trinkets and other home decorations, following in the footsteps of your late mother. Because if it weren’t for your parents’ untimely demise,  you probably wouldn’t have returned home to see after the family business.

“Did you pay Buck and Evie a visit already?,” Scott hums as he’s preparing lunch for you, his daughter Cassie, his new wife Samantha and yourself.

“Yup,” you reply softly, popping the p and throwing your jacket over one of the kitchen chairs, sitting down in front of Samantha after ruffling Cassie’s hair. “Evie might not make it to Christmas.”

Scott shakes his head with a heavy sigh. “Maybe we should invite Steve and Bucky over for our party on Christmas Eve? What do you think, Sammy?”

Sam looks up from her book at the mention of her name. “I think that’s a great idea, honey. The more the merrier.”

You give her a tight-lipped smile before unlocking your phone and scrolling through the newsfeed, trying to get your mind off Bucky’s brunch proposal. Sammy notices something’s bothering you even long before Scott finishes up on lunch.

“Something wrong, sweetheart?,” she asks you as she places a gentle hand on top of yours.

You huff out a quiet response. “Bucky said something about having brunch tomorrow…”

“That’s amazing!,” Scott cheers sincerely as he plates up the food. “You did say yes, I hope?”

Samantha shushes Scott immediately, seeing your eyes darken with regret and sadness, your lack of reply making words unnecessary. “Oh sweetie… You said  no didn’t you?” Nodding your head once, she sends you a kind smile. “Because of Eveline?”

“Yeah,” you exhale slowly, “She still loves him, even after all this time. I can’t just… mess that up, you know? She’s going to die soon and I can’t take Bucky away from her now, can I?”

“Y/N,” Scott intervenes before you can talk yourself down even more, “Eveline knows you’re in love with Bucky, too. Why else would she have asked you to get groceries and stuff? She could’ve easily asked Steve, or Sammy, or me. We’ve known her the longest. But for some reason, she asked you. Because that way, you and Bucky can get to know each other a little better.”

“I don’t know, Scott…” You bury your face in your hands. “I just – Bucky and I – I don’t know what to do anymore. Ever since that kiss…”

Samantha squeezes your hand again. “Bucky kissed you first, and he would’ve kissed you again if Steve hadn’t interrupted.” Releasing your hand, Sam takes your plate away and you look at her with baffled eyes. “Go talk to him. Now.”

And so you shuffle back to through the colourful fallen leaves back to Evie’s cottage. As you’re standing in front of the door, you can discern two voices, one of which is Steve and the other is Evie’s. They’re engaged in some kind of discussion, until Bucky joins unexpectedly and they both grow silent.

You’re about to knock on the door when it opens suddenly, Steve standing tall in front of you, towering over you like a mountain in a blanket of red plaid. He smells like chopped wood and pine cones, with a hint of scented candles.

“Hi, Y/N,” he greets you casually, stalking past you with urgent strides.

Bucky shows up from behind the corner and invites you in, patting the chair next to him and Evie at the kitchen table. Closing the door behind you, you join them and Bucky pours you a cup of hot cocoa. You see he’s made the pancake mix already, your bottle of maple syrup the centre piece of the scene. It stings just a little as you realise Bucky didn’t hold off on making the pancakes until you could change your mind.

“Thank you, Y/N, for the pancakes,” the blonde woman stutters in between two heavy coughs. She’s wrapped in at least three thick sweaters, her shaking hands barely able to hold a knife and fork. But Eveline is determined to get some food into her roaring stomach and with a big smile takes a couple bites from the pancakes Bucky carefully prepared earlier.

“It’s nothing really. You two deserve a treat.”

Bucky gives you your own plate and lunch is spent in light chatter and stolen looks from Evie between you and Bucky. Occasionally your hands would touch as you’re cutting into your pancake, or when you’re both reaching for the bottle of maple syrup at the same time. Bucky would then retract his hand immediately, ever the gentleman, and leave your skin burning and aching for his touch.

After the plates have been cleared up, Evie excuses herself from the table, pressing a chaste kiss to Bucky’s cheek. She places a tender hand on your shoulder, squeezing it momentarily before waving goodbye. The bags under her eyes are as black as charcoal, her bloodshot irises a reminder of her slow and imminent death.

Once she’s out of earshot, you and Bucky settle on the couch with another steaming mug of chocolate milk. “She doesn’t look very good, Buck,” you comment on Evie’s condition.

“She knows, believe me,” Bucky hums quietly, eyes trained on the cup in his hands.

“How’s Steve taking it?,” you question gingerly, looking at Bucky from the corner of your eye. His shoulder stiffen a little, before they relax again when you make a bold move and rest your palm on his lower arm.

Bucky breathes out lowly, suffering under the weight on his shoulders. “Steve doesn’t like it that Evie wants to leave me the house. It used to belong to their parents.”

“She wants to leave you the house? Why?”

“Because she feels she has to. Otherwise I’ll just go back to my old life in New York and I’ll never…” Bucky pauses and puts his mug on the living room table, facing his body towards you as he takes the mug from your hands too. “I’m mad for you, Y/N. I have been for a very long time.”

You open and close your mouth in an attempt to form a coherent response, but your mind fails your lips instantly. “I think I’m in love with you,” is the only thing you manage to get out.

“I think I love you, too, Y/N. And that’s why Evie wants me to have the house. So I’ll stay. So we get to be together.”

“But – All this time – Bucky…”

“Y/N, I want us to be together,” Bucky repeats softly, slowly.

“But what will we live off? Bucky, you don’t have much money and I can barely make a living myself.”

“I’m telling you we can be together and all you worry about is money?” Bucky grows a little agitated, his eagerness ebbing into worry flowing further into doubt. “I can work at Steve’s farm, it pays good money. We won’t be able to spoil much but at least we’ll have food on the table every day.”

“Bucky…,” you sigh as you pinch the bridge of your nose, getting up from the seat with tears in your eyes. “I gotta go.”

“Please don’t go, Y/N.” Evie’s faint voice, feeble in its softness, fills your ears with even more wretched thoughts. “Listen to what I have to say.”

She emerges from the adjoining room, unable to take the stairs anymore so Bucky had move her bed downstairs into a makeshift bedroom. Eveline sits down on a chair as you just stand there, nailed to the floor by this unexpected turn of events.

“I’m leaving Bucky my house and all of my belongings. I’m leaving him everything, and that includes all of my money in the bank as well. When I die, it’s all Bucky’s and he can do with it as he pleases. I hope he’ll somehow make amends with Steve after I’m gone.”

Her grey eyes are just as piercing as Steve’s and Bucky’s. “I just want Bucky to be happy. I also want him to be with the woman he loves most. I want him to be happy and with you. I don’t care if he sells my house to Steve and moves back to New York. I don’t care if he sticks around and helps Steve breed alpaca’s or something. As long as he is happy and with you, he can do whatever he likes. But yes, maybe, just maybe, by leaving the house to him, I’m hoping he’ll stay for a bit longer. He grew up just around the corner, this is his home town.”

Bucky gets up from the couch and envelopes you in his arms, kissing your temple with careful affection. You let him, you let him show you his love because you love him, too. “So please, Y/N, stay.”

Eveline Rogers, age 32, died on New Year’s Day, surrounded by friends and family. She lived a rich and full life and even in her last moments, she continues to strongly believe in fate. She believed that fate had brought Bucky to her, and eventually led him to Y/N. Even though Eveline would never be able to love again, she didn’t want to stand in the way of the love growing between Y/N and Bucky. So in her will, she came up with a plan.

Y/N and Bucky moved into Evie’s home shortly after the funeral. Her savings were a modest enough sum to provide them with a fresh start. Her inheritance, per Evie’s request, was used to renovate the cottage, a warm home for a new family. Bucky and Steve came to an agreement, and even though Bucky offered to sign over the house to Steve, he wouldn’t hear of it. Because it was Evie’s last wish that they’d live in her house.

They still live in Evie’s cottage, still baking pancakes with maple syrup every Friday morning in Evie’s honour, reminiscing about the day Evie gave them her blessing. Y/N is expecting her first child and Bucky’s planning to propose to her as soon as their baby is born. If it’s a girl, her name will be Eve. If it’s a boy, his name will be Evan. Regardless, Bucky and Y/N will never forget the kindness Evie showed them during her life and also in her death.

Tagging: @avengerofyourheart @a-little-hell-to-raise @marvelingatthewonder @mrshopkirk @hardcorehippos @knittingknerdy @winterboobaer @italwaysendsinafightt @viollettes @hymnofthevalkyrie @feelmyroarrrr @justareader @austinamelio @volklana @howlingbarnes @themcuhasruinedme @theoneandonlysaucymo @caplansteverogers @amrita31199 @emilyevanston @minervaem @howlingbarnes @buchananbarnestrash @youandb @you-and-bucky @fvckingsteverogers @thatawkwardtinyperson @barnes-heaven @that-sokovian-bastard @abovethesmokestacks @marvelrevival @marvel-fanfiction @justanotherbuckydevotee @barnes-heaven @heartmade-writingbucky @buckyywiththegoodhair @captnbarnesrogers @its-not-a-phase-hux @melconnor2007 @ivvitm1109 @toofuckinfabulous @ailynalonso15 @hollycornish @delicatecapnerd @camigt1999 @learisa @curlyexpat @palaiasaurus64 @fanndas-snow-goddess @crisssivonne @yourenotrogers @tomhollandzs @supernaturaldean65 @beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep @aletheladyinred @sniktlogan @xbergiex @reniescarlett @promarvelfangirl @capbuckybuchanan @lovemarvelousfics @yknott81 @rrwilson66 @pegasusdragontiger @salty-holographic-stickers @sammyissassy @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @kudosia @bellejeunefillesansmerci @lumelgy @mizzzpink @southernbellestatues @daringtodreamawake @neurotic-narwhal @cokamarie24 @blue1928 @movingonto-betterthings @breezy1415 @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @jesspfly @weenie-butt @debzybrazy @fuckingchaotic  @always-an-evans-addict @petersunderroos  @thegreentgirl @nedthegay @eve1978

Strikethrough means Tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you!

#evie #bucky x reader #pmfg2k #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #james barnes #marvel #marvel fan fic #bucky barnes fan fiction

[hiistiger]

Good job fam we made to the end of 2017, another year on this godforsaken rock. Thank you for bearing with me through my 3 week disappearance at the end of each school term and humoring my weird shitposting about various topics you may or may not care about. And y’know, thank you for loving Sebastian Moran with me. I’ve chewed my figurative nails over making this because follow forever things make me nervous that I’ll leave someone out and they’ll be sad so if you don’t see yourself on here and think you probably should be, I’m sorry, I love you, and I’ve let you down. 

So anyway here’s your free promo for you fucks

The Squad (pronounced like ‘dad’):

@multamusae​ / @julesryley​: somehow even though i sacrificed you in a chatzy group at age 14, you still stuck with me through all my awfulness and i really don’t know how you had the strength to do that. because it’s 6 years later and somehow we’re still talking. what sort of bullshit is that. I love every muse you write and also all of your cats (tell them i love them). keep being awesome and absolutely unapologetic.

@gunmetclgrey​: literally you have no idea how much i look forward to your surprise Moran questions and just general dragging of Sebastian, because as I’ve said so many times before, he deserves it. Seb would not be anywhere near who he is today without you and without Alex. I love Alex from the bottom of my goddamn heart and I know you love her just as much because you write her so well and show so much care in her characterization

@codedsarcasm / @standingstcnes​ / so many other blogs you have a problem: i love nessa so much and i love how much you care about every character you write. It’s true that i’m your worst half and beleive me I will keep the angst coming in the new year so #get #ready tho i know your retaliation will be swift and brutal. but also! the good times! they exist and it is beautiful, even if we’ll never allow our characters to go there.

@malvive​ / @agenttrevor​: look here, you. i’ve loved victor since i stalked some of your threads and i loved him even more once i started writing with you. i love your disaster of a man and i love the fact that our disaster men are even Worse when together. Obviously, we haven’t written as much together in terms of Malik and Seb, but I am so excited to do so and I love him already. Real talk, i love your ability to mix humor and seriousness and just your writing style in general is Amazing. Also thank you for being someone i can scream about when the Literature Mood hits and yknow just in general

@suburbanrelapse​ / @holmescouture​ / @neonnoirqueen​: did you know? have i told you enough? i love Doll so much and I love Sherlock so much and I love the Queen so much. I love writing with you in every AU possible (and i anticipate with glee many more) bc all of your characters are so lovingly written and come to life so easily. Also I love you for encouraging my undying love of Frank motherfucking Castle. Maybe one day I’ll actually keep up a dis.cord convo that doesn’t have a point in the middle where i disappear for like a month.

@paxpenguiina​ / @qx3ry​ : came for the Severin, stayed for all of your characters. I love Kristen and I love Oswald. Anyone who wants to shut you down had better fight me first bc how? could you? ever think? that you don’t play them well? you obviously care so much and are so damn devoted to writing them well and in a lovely fashion. 

@notasoldierseverin​: I love your Severin. I will never not love your Severin. Did you kno that I thought Severin was a real, canon character until I was rudely awakened. Guess what doesn’t matter? That fact because holy shit do you breathe life into him. 

A challenger appears. Actually, several:

@ahopefulbunch + @ccnsultingcriminal + @militarytrash + @thewxman + @shrxwdroyalty + @griifterschriistmas / @griiftersparadiise + @mcstdangerous + @crimeinclined + @vxnomouspoxson + @photographcr + @blackvclvct + @thesecondmost + @notyouraveragesecretary + @flight-of-the-thieving-magpie + @vorantjack + @criminalsandtea + @hittcr

I’d write all a you a paragraph too, but unfortunately I am lazy and tired, so please know that I love you, your writing, and your characters. Some of you I talk to more than others. Some of you I’ve written with recently, some of you a longer time ago. Please know how much I value your presence on the dash and just in general, no matter what the case may be.

How many people do you follow? (great question, the answer is 182): 

So uh guys, time is, as they say, a social construct, but also limited so if you want to take a peep at the other folks I follow and luv seeing on my dash, go to mobile or here and check out that shit. also you can see how bad i am at unfollowing archived blogs so there’s that too.

If you didn’t see your name on here or where you thought it would be, all I can say is that I am sorry and I still love you even though I’m a forgetful asshole. 

This is, to quote Ferris Bueller, the end. Go away. 

#and what art | ooc #ooc #oh god well at least im going to dinner #now

[fysebastian]

❛ chicago’s very own sebastian ramone has been spotted in new york city in an aston martin db5, welcome ! your resemblance to timothée chalamet is unreal. according to tmz, you just had your twenty fourth birthday bash. your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re diffident , but being altruistic might help you. i guess being a pisces explains that. three things that would paint a better picture of you would be an overflowing ashtray, sleepless nights, and a thrifted jean jacket. & ( cis male & he/him )

hi everyone, my name is bee (it’s not rly but that’s the first letter of my name so close enough) & i’m excited to be here! this is sebastian & he’s kind of a hot mess and i can’t wait for you all to meet him. i’m going to try to sum him for you below, there’s quite a few triggering topics involved and those are abuse & suicide so please be advised! that being said -- send me an im if you’d like to plot or you can add me on discord @ mercury#7589. thanks for reading!!

basics

full name: sébastien émile ramon nicknames: seb, bash birth date: february 28, 1995 occupation: actor sexuality: homosexual birth place: chicago, illinois nationality: french american height: 5′9″ weight: 151 lbs afflictions: depression, ptsd smokes/drinks/drugs: yes/yes/yes

full story

sebastian was born to a newly wed couple as their first and only son, completing their happy little family as a healthy and lively baby who always seemed to have a smile on his face. his sister followed a couple of years later, and the two were always close growing up.

his childhood was modest, but they lived comfortably. his father was a french immigrant and the breadwinner of the family whereas his mother was of american descent and a stay at home mom. he was raised catholic and attended church every sunday and said his prayers before their evening meal.

from a young age he remembers being glued to the television, to the point where his family would have to turn it off just to make him go outside. he’d memorize the lines from all his favourite movies and recite them to whomever would listen. it became very clear that he had an attraction to theatrics, and had no intention of ever taking over his father’s mechanic shop.

his dad never really humoured the thought of acting but his mom was a little more supportive of the idea and took him to his first audition when he was six years old. from then on he just kept auditioning and he had a handful of various roles from the ages of six to thirteen under his anglicised name (which is what he goes by). it was decided that his mom would home school him until the age of fourteen when sebastian decided he wanted to attend the local public high school.

sebastian was a good kid, but like most children he did rebel. he was twelve when he discovered alcohol and thirteen when he discovered boys, and both became a secret he’d try to keep from his family. the transition to public school only gave him more opportunities to get in trouble, and most weekends he’d sneak out to some party or to hang out with his friends. on week days after class he helped out at his father’s shop.

so long as he kept up with his studies and continued to attend church every sunday, his parents were fairly willing to turn a blind eye to his misdemeanors. his relationship became more and more strained the older he got, however. it became more obvious that he was resisting their upbringing and he seemed to stray further from god’s teachings every day. his family was not as happy as it appeared to be, and his father was often drunk and verbally abusive to his mother. as he became older he’d throw snide comments his way as well. he almost never attended his school plays even when he’d get the lead role in every one

sebastian dropped out of high school early when he landed the lead role in high school musical at seventeen. by eighteen he’d filmed a sequel and a third was in the works when things came to a very sudden and devastating halt upon several explicit videos and photos being released days after breaking up with a guy he’d been seeing on and off for a few months behind closed doors.

this not only brought the very public pr relationship he’d been in with his on screen love interest from the high school musical movies to an end, it also terminated his contact with disney, who claimed he was no longer a good face to represent their company. he was outed and his parents wouldn’t talk to him. he felt like he’d lost everything, so it was a really dark time for him. it was too easy for him to fall into a downward spiral when he lost most of his friends that didn’t want the bad publicity and befriended all the wrong people, who introduced him to all the wrong things.

he went on a binge, he was out every night and woke up in places he didn’t recognize with people he didn’t know. he slept with whoever would pay him attention and swallowed whatever pill was put into his mouth. it was on one of these benders that he met his ex-boyfriend. this boyfriend resembled his father in so many ways but most of all the way he’d speak to him, like he was never good enough. then he put his hands on him for the first time, and it just got worse from there.

he was a shell of who he used to be, he fell off the grid and was easily manipulated by this guy who made him think he couldn’t do any better because he wasn’t worth anything. he was isolated from everyone he knew because he was so possessive and had a terrible temper so he didn’t want anyone else to get involved. he tried to get out a few times but it never went well, and so he let it go on for two years

the first time sebastian hit headlines again was when he attempted suicide and was rushed to hospital. from there he was sent to a rehabilitation facility to receive therapy and detox. by the time he surfaced again his boyfriend had proceeded to disappear from his life, taking all of seb’s things with him and leaving him with a barren apartment to come home to. 

it was from here that he started over in new york city, getting back into acting and reconnecting with his little sister who’d recently been kicked out of home after getting pregnant out of wedlock & needed a place to stay. there are times where the flashbacks and the nightmares and the negative thoughts feel like they’re suffocating him, but he’s doing a thousand times better than he was. he’s working on more healthy relationships and surrounding himself with positive people, but it’s hard because that’s not what he’s used to. 

his parents have since divorced and he talks to his mom occasionally but hasn’t heard from his dad in years. he’s been making a new name for himself as of late in roles that involve drugs, mental health and most recently homosexuality (cmbyn okay)-- basically everything he was too afraid to even try before. he still parties but not nearly as much and usually not as hard. he tries to lay low on the radar, but there are times when he still gets up to no good

personality/facts

sebastian is the kind of person who needs to be with people at all times. if he’s alone that’s when he really starts getting in his head. he’ll probably show up at your place unannounced if he feels comfortable with you and if he does it probably means that he needs to get away from himself for a bit. 

he’s a very touchy person so he’s always cuddling up to his friends and likes to hug and express his affection in a very physical way. 

he’s generally pretty nice to everyone and gets along with most people. it’s not hard for him to make friends but he’s somehow always questioning if people really like him or if they just put up with him. he’s very insecure about this deep down. 

he wears his heart on his sleeve and is a very emotional person. he cries when he’s happy and he cries when he’s sad. he’s sensitive and just wants to be loved :( 

very trusting of people and will likely forgive you again and again even if you don’t deserve to be forgiven

doesn’t seem to know he’s famous and is extremely humble.

he loves to dance even though he’s not the best at it and he loves to sing as well. he also plays the piano!

he lives in oversized hoodies and jeans and sometimes baseball caps. he’s also a big fan of knitted sweaters with quirky designs on them. definitely rocks the same pair of adidas sneakers until they’re no longer wearable. also band tees

he has a thing for old cars and vintage clothes. definitely has a giant record collection and is a big fan of rock music

has a few tattoos but they’re all hidden

he’s bilingual and has been in a couple of french movies, which never really made it big in america

he’s a chain smoker; he smokes when he’s stressed, when he’s drunk, when he’s bored, etc. so he’s kind of always smoking

rarely logs into social media because he doesn’t do well with negative attention

#wealthyhq:intro #abuse tw #suicide tw

[transparentpeacedelusion]

I will never let you go (Seb Stan/OFC)

Author disclaimer: I haven`t written anything in quite a while so please be gentle with me because IT MAY SUCK!. Also, I thought it as being a one shot, but it may turn into a multi-chapter. Thank you and enjoy!

She saw darkness. That was all she could see at this very moment. Her eyes were shut tight, but she failed to fall asleep so she saw pure darkness. Her thoughts raced inside of her head and she, unlike the times they happened, could see every detail of her memories. Every breath, every smile, every tear that ever ran on her cheeks as people that she cared for deeply turned their backs on her. She felt it all. Her eyes opened and the soft darkness of the night engulfed her as she sighed deeply. She wasn`t looking for something in particular, but for someone, as she touched the right side of the bed she was laying in. She sighed once again and got up from her laying position. She just stood on the edge of the bed thinking of where he was. It was the second week in which the right side of her bed was empty and cold. She took her phone and scrolled through the photos she had with him. All those happy times, their smiles and flushed cheeks as they were walking in the cold air of the New York winter. All of those were just a memory now because she just couldn`t keep her mouth shut.

It was two Mondays ago when he came smiling through the front door only to find her in a puddle of tears on the floor. Everything got to her. She was sobbing and his eyes searched for meaning. He didn`t know, nor understand, what was the cause of all this. She wasn`t good enough for him, as many people kindly pointed that out to her on her social media account, even if he told her not to take those to heart. She`s a gentle soul, a sensitive one, so she broke into a million pieces when she saw all the hate she was getting from them. He kneeled beside her and took her into his arms, but it wasn`t enough. The mere contact she had with him made her burst into more tears as she knew that the man she loved will, perhaps, never be hers because she simply couldn`t do it anymore. She loved him deeply and she had from the first second their eyes connected. She was lost in the blueness of his eyes as he was lost in the messy look she chose that particular evening. She was simple and plain and he felt overdressed as he walked into the café wearing a suit that hugged his features perfectly.  He never tried to change her, he loved her as she was, messy, crazy, out of this world. Yes, she was out of this world for him, but she felt the same about him. She asked herself many times if she really deserves this man but he reassured her every time that she is the one for him. Now she couldn`t do it anymore. She knew that by saying “I can`t do this anymore.”, he would ask her “What?”, and that she would answer “Us.”, but that he will never give up on them. She felt like her whole world would crumble and fall as after she answered and looked at him his eyes were teary and he started to hold onto her even more than before.

He tried to explain that she meant everything to him but she shut him down. She walked through their apartment and started to gather her things but he stopped her. He tried to make her stay, but instead, he left the house they shared closing the doors with a huge bang. She sulked to the floor hugging her knees crying as the man she loves got chased away by her insecurities.

She was snapped from her flashback by keys turning into the lock and the front door being open. She didn`t move, nor breathe for some reason. She just stood on the edge of the bed looking at the wall in front of her not wanting to do anything else. He opened the bedroom door and her head snapped into his direction. His bright blue eyes were now darkened and sad. She couldn`t read happiness in them, just defeat. He took one more step towards her and watched her as her mouth was trying to form a coherent word for him to hear. She couldn`t say anything, instead, she watched him as he made his way to her side of the bed.  A million thoughts ran inside of his head, particularly the way he left her. He couldn`t forgive himself for letting go of her that easily. The way the door slammed behind him and hearing the broken sobs of his girlfriend were the only things that he could think of as he saw her in front of him. He kneeled again as he did on the day he got up and left, but this time he came in determined to fight for their love. He couldn`t just let random people destroy their happiness. He knew that she was the one for him because for two weeks she was all that he could think about. Her smile, her laughter, the way her nose wrinkled when she wouldn`t like the smell of something, the walks they shared. Yes, she wasn`t part of his world, but he knew she would fit right in because every friend he had loved her to pieces. She was the one jumping in to help them at any hour. She was the one that pushed him whenever he felt like he couldn`t do it anymore. She was always there for him, even if her broken heart still needed mending; she would still do it every time.  He looked at her and took it all in, her puffy eyes, her trembling hands and the little hiccups she had. He knew that she was bottling it all up. She didn`t want to come out as being weak. She was a fighter. His thumbs gently caressed her hands in a sign that it is okay to let go, and she did. She let go of every fear she ever had and jumped into his arms causing them to fall backward onto the soft carpet. He held her for dear life knowing that he needed her just as much as she needed him.  He kissed her temple and rocked her gently stroking her shoulder and she slowly stopped crying. Her head lifted and she looked into the same blue eyes she hds fallen in love with two years ago.  She fell in love with him all over again. It reminded her of those sappy moments he always had and she started giggling, catching him by surprise.  She was her again and he felt like himself again having her into his arms. They stood like that for a while not talking just holding each other and that`s when they both understood that they would end up being each other’s happily ever after.

#fanfiction #SebStan #Sebastian Stan #original female character #OFC #fan fic #seb stan fanfic