#childhood loneliness

[starlonga]

#nostalgia #nostalgiacore #childhood #lost childhood #dreams #teenage years #longing #yearning #divorce core #quotes #small town america #teencore #weirdcore #dreamcore #wandering #feeling lost #childhood loneliness #teenage loneliness

[lmsr-lilitu-sephiroth]

I have thoughts on the new game everyone is fighting over, and the franchise as a whole.

Dear fucking god, this shit about a stupid bigoted game is totally unhinged. People bending over backwards just to justify playing game that's just full of problems (especially antisemitism) from a series that is completely lackluster and full of subtle and not-so-subtle bigotry.

Hell, in my opinion now, it doesn't even have a happy ending! It's not like defeating Moldy Shorts does anything to change the status quo. Sure, they locked up various Death Eaters in Azkaban.

And then there was the epilogue. So fucking lame. You barely even get to see what the characters actually do. You just get a new generation of kids getting on the train. Sure, there's nothing inherently wrong with getting a new generation of kids in an epilogue. But that's mostly all you got. Or at least all I can remember. The epilogue was a sore spot for me and my parents since finishing reading it.

At this point, I have to filter both tags and content related to fucking Harry Potter, just so I can prepare myself to look at a post. It now stresses me out and fills me with deep sorrow. Part because of how horrid Rowling is, part because of the fighting, part because I literally see the bigoted and at-best-ignorant implications/undertones (between the antisemitism, transphobia, cultural appropriation, ableism, sexism, and fatphobia at minimum, yikes on trikes), and part because I used to really enjoy the series. In some ways, I was still very sheltered as a child. Location had a lot to do with it.

Had I the mental space for it if my mental health was even just decent, I should have looked deeper the moment I got misgivings about Ilvermorny on that Pottermore site. Never even mind the bloody play. I ignored Twitter for the most part and frequently forgot about Facebook because it wasn't anonymous enough (I was more into myspace and other sites, anyway). It's really Tumblr that opened my eyes up. Hell, it's here that I even found out what went on in the play, and that made me glad I didn't take interest in it.

And so I looked at the stuff, unpacked the existing issues I already had with various plot points while I still liked them, and suddenly could not turn back. When I still read fanfiction of it (several years ago at this point), I really only enjoyed fix-it fics with massive overhauls of the plot.

My nostalgia for the franchise, or even just the books and movies, has died. It's dead, though I'm still not done with my emotions around it. The fucking antisemitism game destabilized what I thought were stable fusions of dissociated parts.

I still have to wrestle with my feelings over the first book being what even got me to like reading in the first place. I was eight, maybe nine years old at the time, and my great aunt made my one cousin read it to me. She never got very far, but it was enough to get me interested. So I fell in love with books and reading. Those books, especially after my child brain connected that I could make up my own stories, inspired me to write my own fantasies.

And it helped get me through a really lonely childhood. Fortunately, it wasn't the only thing I had. But I fixated on it and my 'imaginary friends' (read as loneliness-induced alters) so that I could cope with being the only kid even close to my own age around my part of the mountain for so many years.

Now I wish the franchise would just go away. I'm tired of it.

#harry potter #hogwarts legacy #jk rowling #transphobia #antisemitism #cultural appropriation #ilvermorny #fatphobia mention #fatphobia #pottermore #ableism mention #fanfiction #fix it fic #nostalgia #dissociation #childhood loneliness #long post #lonely childhood #dissociative identity disorder #polyfragmented did

[leextacy]

Many moons ago, this post unearthed a mental block of mine—an apocryphal snag in my psyche.

Without doubt, childhood loneliness was a potent, galactic force that deserves a lot of credit for my invention, yet I never really acknowledged it. It was an elephant-sized blind spot in my brain that I inadvertently avoided. Even as a writer trying to capture the horrors, I had not expressed anything this post made me relive.

I am literally a confessionalist. I actively prod my ghosts, brew in all that vexes and haunts me. Perhaps this is something that has been silently and violently bleeding into my work, yet the concept as a whole has remained out of my view, inconceivable, forbidden.

I remain unable to fully conceptualize and verbalize the loneliness. Even as I force my eyes to keep looking into the murky and dirt-streaked mirror it has been holding up since.

#I-surviv3d-bitchh #childhood loneliness #neglect #cPTSD #repost #childhood trauma #childhood abuse #abuse

[raevampx]

i think i've always been alone. i grew up alone

#loneliness #childhood loneliness

[punchedlines]

"the parallels between Bruce and the robins all becoming orphans young" ok that's nice but the parallels between Bruce and Cass both having lost their innocence after being confronted with death at 8 years old. The way they both have let the grief, the guilt, the impotence haunt them ever since and transformed it into more. The way they both, though in different ways, lost their parent(s). The way that the traumatic instances (and their upbringing until then) couldn't have been more different, yet it affected them so similarly and are the pillars for their current moral code and suicidal tendencies. Can't think about them too much or I go insane

#Batman #batgirl #Bruce Wayne #Cassandra Cain #batgirl 2000 #batfam #I also think its worth noting Cass first realizes about Batmans identity while seeing that tear streaked childhood picture of him #which is so interesting because his eyes are the portion most obscured by the cowl. she'd never seen his eyes before #she really read his grief his pain his loneliness and it clicked immediately because THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME #dc comics

[bunnighost]

#vent edit #actuallytraumatized #trauma vent #vent tag #traumacore #childhood trauma #trauma edit #loneliness #lonely #cptsd

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Sometimes we desire a relationship cause we think we may heal everything about us through it. We think the other person has all the answers for us, and will solve our own puzzle. Truth is, the other person is just another person exactly like us, with their own issues and life to live, and we cannot expect them to heal us too. We can surely ask for help, for support, as we can give ours to them, but... most of the work is still up to us. We need to do our part: we need to come closer to them too, to compromise (on what we can), to stand our ground too when necessary, and to be fair, vulnerable and open. No matter what we learned in our childhood (very likely when we had to take care of our emotionally unstable/immature caregivers), we cannot have someone else doing all the job for us. No matter how much we want to feel less alone, we also need to give others the chance to get inside of our world. We need to let down some walls in order for this to happen for real. We need to learn to trust again (and trust that we're strong enough to survive if by any chance the other will leave us -it doesn't have to be our fault anyway, it can be just life).

#words #healing #important #positivity #self love #thoughts #positive thinking #self healing #healingjourney #love yourself #self care #life lessons #life #tw family #family issues #childhood trauma #tw child trauma #relationships #tw abandonment #tw loneliness

[asoftepiloguemylove]

Could I please request a webweave about complex feelings on being an only child?

unfortunately i couldn't find anything specifically related to being an only child but i am also an only child and i interpreted this as being really lonely so a lot of these are related to that. i hope this is what you were looking for <33

Amy Dunne / CJ Hauser The Crane Wife / Dante Émile After Cameron Awkward-Rich / Richard Siken Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out / pinterest / Sally Rooney Conversations With Friends

#on loneliness #on childhood #on growing up #web weave #web weaving #poetry parallels #poetry compilation #literature #amy dunne #cj hauser #the crane wife #dante emile #after cameron awkward-rich #richard siken #litany in which certain things are crossed out #sally rooney #conversations with friends #words #poem #poetry #spilled poetry #spilled ink #dark academia #dark academia quote #dark academia poetry #writing #spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled feelings

[timeflow]

feeling really melancholic now. man that post hit hard

#this is DEFINITELY 2am brain #I read that charlottan post and went into the bathroom to get some water and I looked into the mirror and I got really sad I don't know why #it's a little bit the loneliness that I can relate to and a little bit just the connotations of snow and rain in your childhood bedroom

[lelif]

childhood

?// the opposite of a haunting is something very lonely, katie maria (by @heavensghost )// @smokedsugar// @mango-season// virgin suicides (1999)// aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe, benjamin alire sáenz//empty bed, cavetown// @princesskuragina// to die for, carol lee// anna haifisch// amy dunne// look who's inside again, bo burnham// how'd your parents die again, fatima asghar// richey edwards

#on childhood #being a lonely child #and feeling isolated from the world around u #web weaving #web weave #quotes #parallels #compilation #bo burnham #aaddtsotu #cavetown #loneliness

[heart-of-poetry]

Sometimes it hits me right in the face just how lonely I am. I am so lonely. Do you know how it feels? To exist in a world where you know that nobody knows you closely, not even a little bit? To know that if you died today, nobody would know what your favorite movie was or what your favorite song was or how you like your tea? Do you really know how it feels? To watch your friends spend their weekends together, laughing and going out, while you sit in your room rotting away? To eat dinner alone every lonesome night while you hear the echoes of your family in the dining room? I am isolated, so othered. It is not just that I am lonely. I no longer feel like a person, I feel as though I do not exist. Each day it feels as though I am being erased. I am the only one who can preserve me. I am the only one who can remember my favorite movie and my favorite song and how I like my tea. If I forget those details, they are gone. I exist only within the realm of myself. If I am removed from the equation, I do not exist. Do you understand? Do you really, truly get it?

#wlw #wlw yearning #literature #writing #webweaving #yearning #out of my collection #spilled prose #poetic prose #prose poetry #on loneliness #there is absolutely nothing lonelier #on growing up #on childhood #poems and poetry #my poem #short poem #prose poem #original poem #prose writing #dark prose #prose #mentally disordered #mentally tired #mentally unstable #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #mental illness

[starlonga]

#divorce core #nostalgiacore #childhood memory #teenage loneliness #childhood loneliness #lonely childhood #quotes #small town america #nostalgia #teencore #weirdcore #dreamcore #wandering #longing #sad nostalgia #the beach #sunset #chose to be lonely #sad life #tragic #shame

[araekni]

Shearwater, Only Child

@noun-number

Robyn Schiff, Parent-Child Fencing Class

Weike Wang, Chemistry

Sasha Alex Sloan, Only Child

D. Nurske, Only Child

#web weaving #webs #remake #mine #topic: absence #topic: childhood #theme: loneliness #image described #image description in alt text #shearwater #@noun-number #robyn schiff #weike wang #sasha alex sloan #d. nurske

[martyrbat]

ghosts - batman: haunted knight

[ID: A multi panel sequence of Bruce Wayne as a child on Halloween. He's dressed up in a Mask of Zorro costume and is excitedly running down the stairs while holding two swords, calling out for his mother happily. He tells her that he's ready to go trick or treating. Martha Wayne has her hand on his shoulder and is smiling as she tells him, “your costume looks great!” Bruce replies, “Thanks, I made it myself. Alfred sorta helped. Is dad home yet?” Martha draws her hand back hesitantly and says his name. Bruce already knows that that means there's bad news. He tells her, “don't tell me,” before she continues and says his father called. Bruce has his head down, angrily finishing her sentence, “he's gotta work late!” He looks out the window as if his father will appear and says, “It's not fair! He promised he would take me trick or treating!” Martha soothes that she knows as Bruce repeats, “he promised,” to himself disappointedly. She tells him, “But there was an emergency,” which makes Bruce snap, “There's always some emergency!”

Bruce continues to stand in front of the window as Martha looks at him. Bruce announces, “I'm gonna wait for him. Even if it takes all night!” as he tensely clenches the handle of his sword. Martha reaches out for him sadly and suggests, “Bruce, I could take you out myself. Or, we can call some of the other children at school and go out with them.” Bruce, as an adult, somberly says off panel that, “she doesn't know...” as his kid self stares out the window still. His hat casting a small shadow on his face as he tells her, “There are no other kids to call. I have no friends at school.” Martha says his name again but doesn't know how to comfort him. Instead, she just silently places a hand on his shoulder. We see a silhouette from far away of her standing next to him as Bruce waits for his father to eventually come home. END ID]

#hey do you ever think about bruce's childhood and feel your chest hurt #like even before the murders. just how lonely he was a boy and how that loneliness only grew after watching his entire life and people he #had be ripped away from him. sure he had alfred but his entire life and world was contained to that big scary house that was suddenly so #much emptier. the constant reminders and seeing what was once there and triggering it again and again and again ontop of ptsd and ocd... #also martha?? love her. hes the biggest mama's boy you cant change my mind. #<- again using this tag because if thomas worked a lot and bruce obviously didn't have friends to go out with #then the only person he ever actually talked to and interacted with was his mother and alfred #the man hired to care about you and the woman who gave birth to you. thus that attachment being stronger #but also the 'people have to be trapped to want to be around me'... a man hired to be your friend and take care of you... #ur own parents not wanting to/avoiding that responsibility and involvement.... yeah. #anyways ! happy halloween !! heres a child being disappointed ! #bruce wayne #baby brucie #crypt's panels #c: batman: haunted knight | ghosts #martha wayne #bruce & martha #bruce's childhood

[llondonfog]

Hi!! Feel free to ignore, but I was just thinking about kid silver being adorable AND Halloween because of the upcoming event...and this thought was born—

(This is so long I'm sorry 😭😭)

So, Silver gets de-aged (bear with me here lol)—maybe due to a potions mishap or a spell gone wrong, it doesn't matter which. It's during Halloween week, so everyone's kinda frazzled due to everything being set up, etc. Lilia gets called to deal with it while Crewel tries to figure out a counter-potion/spell wears off because nobody can get in touch with Malleus, and therefore goes to Diasomnia's vice to help take care of Silver (not knowing that they're father & son).

Silver spots Lilia and yells "Papa!" while running to hug Lilia—while Lilia tries to cover up what Silver said. Regardless, he still picks Silver up and cuddles him—he's a silly old man who loves his kid, who can blame him?

Anyway, kid Silver hijinks ensue: running off with the animals on campus, taking naps surrounded by deer, birds, squirrels, etc., calling Malleus "big brother" and Lilia "papa" while around other Diasomnia students (they wouldn't say anything, because Malleus looks so endeared by the little human and Lilia glares and hisses *unknowingly* at any of them who DARE to interrupt their family).

Silver sees Sebek and looks back at Lilia. He's like, "Why did you make him so tall?? Papa, change him back, please!" *cue puppy eyes* he genuinely thinks Lilia pranked him. As much as Sebek says that he dislikes Silver's behavior, he's actually the one to take him everywhere. "You shouldn't miss so much school, Silver! I won't let you besmirch Waka-sama's good name!"

OK, but back to Halloween—Silver dresses up as a knight, or a prince. Maybe a unicorn??? DRAGON?? Any of them are cute tbh. Anyway, they end up going to each dorm to trick or treat (on Halloween night ofc) and Silver charms everyone, because he's Silver. Then, you have Lilia behind him just being the creepiest little demon fae you've ever had the misfortune to see...

As they're going to one of the dorms to get more candy, Silver sees another kid pouting at the lack of candy said dorm has, and their meager amount. Silver, despite having only a few more pieces himself, gives the kid most of his, and gives the other kid a hug. "There, there, you can have some of mine."

Honestly, you can do whatever you want with this, but I'd love to see this written out more coherently, if you want lol

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I NEED more kid Silver being cute and adorable and pure!! He deserves to be cuddled by his family and to eat candy :D

oh my goodness, this whole entire prompt was adorable and thank you for practically writing the premise into my inbox!! i'm not sure this is coherent.....or cuddly....but my mood with lilia has been in a pretty introspective place for sometime so i do hope you find something to enjoy :')

(and i did end up keeping that paragraph after so many of you seemed to like it akaldjll what do i know about anything)

for a fae as long-lived as he, the concept of time is an ephemeral thing. one does not count the years in a decade nor the decades in a century; a fae knows time by the erosion of a mountainside, by the loneliness of an abandoned settlement, or even by the chance meeting of a human wearing the face of another long since passed. 

silver fills his arms, helmet askew and heavy with satisfied slumber, and lilia feels the ache of every day that has gone by since he was last able to cradle his son so tenderly in his embrace. 

he may be the only fae that now minds his days by the sharpening of his son’s features, a change emerging far too quick and now, strangely, unwelcome.

beside him, serene, the heir apparent to the valley of thorns— looking most pleased himself in their resplendent costumes so artfully reminiscent of the admirable long, yet any dignified mysticism is rendered charmed by the plastic pumpkin bucket clutched in his crimson-tipped claws, brimming with brightly wrapped candy. the overflow is nearly double the amount given to the visiting children, even with silver eagerly dispensing his sugary treasures to any who asked, for no dorm had been able to resist his solemn request coupled with those adorably drowsy eyes and plastic sword when he had so politely asked for one piece more so that their prince might experience trick or treating for the first time. not wanting to be the dorm known for stiffing the fae heir on the most magic-blessed night of them all, both toddling knight and noble dragon walked away, tiny hand in careful claw, with a bounty piled high between them and matching smiles on their twin eager faces. 

lilia had been so torn over which to get a photo of first, cheeks aching from stifling his laughter; the vulnerable delight on malleus’ face as silver so kindly presented him with his share of candy, or sebek’s ill-disguised fussing as silver’s sword had slipped from its sheath to drag across the ground. 

what kindness to be able to share such precious memories with them once again.

what cruelty to remind him of what would disappear tomorrow morning, crewel’s antidote ready and waiting for them in the dorm. 

“...i can see why silver enjoyed such a night of festivity and why he spoke on those memories with you so fondly,” malleus’ reflective tone scatters his wandering thoughts, leaving him to pull his focus back to the present with no small amount of difficulty. “I wish i could have participated in the revelry, but i understand now why you might not have invited me, lilia. the presence of their prince would have dampened any carefree spirits, and i would not have wanted to spoil the fun.”

a wry smile tugs at his lips at malleus’ inaccurate assessment, crooked and out of place, and he can feel the prince’s gaze weighty upon him with surprise, brows furrowing and lips parting with the question on his tongue— 

there had been no such festivities, no happily shrieking village children for silver to scamper among, sharing in the night’s delights and trickery with all the innocence of youth. 

there had only been an old fool of a general, taking it upon himself to fumble through the recreation of a human spectacle, for no other reason than he could not bear the sight of the boy’s features even mildly unhappy. 

he might have wondered how far he could have fallen to find himself repeatedly affecting surprise as he opens the door time and time again to a giggling child, but he knows better now; he had always been steeped in a miserable, lonesome darkness, and to nurture the vulnerable child curled into his chest was to bask in an undeserving light. 

without consent, his arms tighten around the slumbering boy in his arms, and malleus is wise enough not to comment. 

“I do wonder if silver will be able to remember tonight’s events,” lilia comments lightly as they continue their walk to the dorm, seemingly apropos of nothing and unbothered by the watchful gaze of his young companion. 

and he wonders which is more selfish; to wish it so, to have his son’s head filled with such saccharine-sweet dreams of a proper halloween as only a sweet and darling boy like none other deserves— or to cling to the lonely truth of the past, in which a bruised and battered soldier finds a purpose too kind for his bloodied hands in protecting that high and clear laughter of his child, delighting over and over again in the simple fact of his father opening the door.

#lettie's asks #twisted wonderland silver #twst silver #lilia vanrouge #twst lilia #i couldn't not put it in the tags after you practically gifted me a story of its own <3 #something something lilia experiencing a Regret about the loneliness of silver's childhood #and all that was stolen from him #but also that painful notion of a 700 yr old war veteran needing this human child to feel better about himself again #each of them wondering if the other cherishes those memories as much as they do (spoiler: yes.) #ah diasomnia #how you wreck me

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

Ohikkoshi (a.k.a. Moving) (Shinji Sômai, 1993)

#films watched in 2023 #Ohikkoshi #Moving #Shinji Sômai #Shinji Somai #Sômai #Somai #1993 #Tomoko Tabata #children #Japan #drama #family #childhood #summer #food #Shinobu Chihara #breakup #loneliness #eat #bathroom #shower #Mariko Sudo #Taro Tanaka #Kiichi Nakai