#i do not think most people who dislike it are actively hoping it crashes and burns it's just

[utilitycaster]

Do you think that Laura and Marisha are deliberately making their relationship somewhat toxic and unsustainable or do you think they see the relationship as healthy? It is just so different from all of the other relationships they have been a part of and not really in a good way. Would love to get your perspective on it if you have one

I am honestly unsure. I would like to say it's deliberate. Prior to it becoming canon, in fact, I, and a lot of other people who were less than enthused by Imogen and Laudna's romance and weren't entirely sold from the start, made the case that we expected they would be talking to each other and would put together a compelling story, not the dull fluff so common in fanon. While whether it's compelling is a subjective judgment, we know for a fact they didn't talk to each other. We know for a fact Marisha was surprised by the question of "Can I kiss you," and Laura was surprised by the answer. We know from a 4SD not long after (4SD #16, Kiss and Tell) that several episodes later they still hadn't talked. We know that Marisha perceives Laudna as holding Imogen back (and that Laudna perceives herself as doing so) from the Rose City Q&A. We know that from 4SD #20 (Episode Twenty) that Laura doesn't like conflict in narrative and Marisha does, and that Laura was thrown by Laudna's regression following Ashton's attempt to absorb the shard (4SD #19, Shard Candy).

I don't know if it's deliberate or not; I don't have any extra insight that isn't public knowledge any fan can easily access. But man, it doesn't feel like these are two actors on the same page about what's going on.

I've touched on this before but mostly in tags or whisper posts but I've always felt ill at ease with a number of for lack of a better term "fandom-approved opinions" and one of the ones that has baffled me the most is this idea that Marisha and Laura have exceptional chemistry. I watched Campaign 1 knowing the endgame ships but deliberately avoiding the fandom, and Vex and Keyleth did not even once occur to me as a thing. I watched the first year of Campaign 2 without a ton of fandom interaction because I was avoiding additional C1 spoilers and it seemed crystal clear that the obvious ship was Beau and Yasha; it felt like Beau and Jester only even had enough potential for me to multiship it as my general "whomever Jester picks" for like, 30 episodes. And yet people - people who didn't even ship either of the above ships and in some cases disliked them- would just say "oh man I can't wait until we get to a campaign where we can finally explore Marisha and Laura's incredible chemistry!" and it's like. I feel like I'm the kid in the Emperor's New Clothes on this! I understand that chemistry is to an extent a matter of taste and subjectivity, but it just increasingly feels like people looked at two campaigns of tables where Ashley was frequently absent and said "well, if I want an F/F ship that's between two of the women in the cast, I guess this is what I have to work with" and repeated to themselves that a flat pamplemousse La Croix was a Piña Colada until they started to believe it. I mean if someone wants to explain it to me in good faith I suppose be my guest and I will try to take it in, but it feels like people just treat this as incontrovertible fact and if you doubt it they're like "don't you have eyes" and it's like, well, pretend I don't. Explain like I'm eyeless and five because I have never understood this. They both have more chemistry with every single other cast member; it's not all romantic but man, I didn't even buy Laudna and Imogen as platonic best friends of two years. I have never had this problem with any other pre-existing character relationships Marisha and Laura have played, platonic or otherwise. It's literally just them. I just never feel like they're quite on the same page.

Back to the relationship between Imogen and Laudna onscreen, this was easily the best conversation since the start of the gnarlrock fight, and it is my hope it doesn't fizzle out the way that did. You can't keep kissing Laudna whenever she fears she's lost forever to Delilah, Imogen. Or you can, but that won't fix the problem. Again: are you disgusted? Do you feel betrayed? If you're not, why did you say that? If you are, how will you move past it? Do you want to be with someone who never feels like they're good enough for you? Laudna, do you want to be with someone who, no matter what they say, you feel you're holding back?

Early in the campaign, my feeling was that of our current situation, switched - Imogen felt her powers were a burden and a curse and Laudna kept referring to them and to her glowingly. It's just...ships passing in the night, no pun intended here. I hope it's on purpose and whatever comes from it is a good story - and either a tragedy or a happy story could be a good one. But I have a nagging sensation that Laudna wants out but is afraid to say no, and Imogen is afraid to let go, and I honestly don't know if the actors have realized this impasse and how the characters might resolve it, one way or another, besides the insufficient bandaid of a kiss whenever the conversation gets too uncomfortable.

#answered #minxie-the-sabertooth-kitty #really the mission statement of this blog is I am the kid in the Emperor's New Clothes #also i know i keep relying on food metaphors sorry i really like food and feel it's fairly universally accessible to understand #anyway. i am sure some will not believe me here but I think I and most people who agree with me desperately wish we liked this ship #i do not think most people who dislike it are actively hoping it crashes and burns it's just #it feels so fundamentally disconnected and lifeless. at least the conflict shocks it into something vaguely animated #the vindication i was right about this lack of chemistry is still ultimately a consolation prize. i promise you i'd rather be proven wrong #i'd rather be wowed by a brilliant dynamic ship i didn't expect to like. but here we are. #cr spoilers #long post

[gideongrovel]

rambling vent (still on my trip tho, sorry for the inactivity for those who didn't know)

Last full on my trip rn but i am feeling exhausted,,,, 😭😭😭😭 Tomorrow will be heading home,,, thinking about all the airport stuff has me stressed (not the flying part, I like being high up, its just like the security and people stress me),,, 😓

The trip has been fun mostly,,, but not relaxing in the slightest 😓😓😓 Its been nice to see my older brother since we can geek out about OP together in person, and he like gave me some gifts for it,,,,, but without getting into it,,, there are reasons i dont like being around him either,,, so its a mixed bag 🫤 and my dad is such a misogynist and bigot having to hear the shit he says and not being able to leave when he says it is infuriating 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I am such a shut in, and normally leave the house like maybe 5 times a month if even that,,,,, so going out and about for 9 days straight is alot for me- i know thats nothing to most "normal" people,,,,, but for someone in my life/situation it's alot,,,,,,, being around people and being active so much has me drained completely 😓😓😓😓😓 Im feeling such burn out,,,, and I miss my cats (especially my lil baby ET,, she is very codependent towards me so I've been worried how she has been holding up 😢), also since i was scared of them getting broken or stolen on the plane- i didnt bring my Chop or Brook figures and i miss them too!! I need my wife and bf 😭😭😭😭 Not bring my main comfort items was a big mistake,,, but the stress of something happening also was too much- so I couldn't win either way,,,,

I always feel awful when I get this level of burn out / sad feeling on a trip,,,, they're supposed to be a good time but I've held back from crying a few times now,,,, I just wanna be home in my own bed, shower where im familiar with, being able to do stuff on my own pace, just like my regular routine stuff in general 😭😭😭😭 At the same time going back home means having to deal with some family i dislike being around- which I am not looking forward to,,,, ��😓😓

Burnout sometimes will put me in depressive episodes, and feeling emotional highs my crashing is always bad,,,,,, 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

ALSO I MISS GETTING ON HERE!! IM MISSING SO MUCH NOT BEING ABLE TO CHECK ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 tumblr crashes too much for me to check anything on my phone,,,, i really hope yall are doing good,,,, like idk if my absence has been noticable or cared about? (/nm) but i do miss yall alot,,, miss seeing your creations and ships 😭😭😭 it will be too much to check 9days worth on everyone pages so i am sorry for everything i missed

-

But anyways just have to make it though today and the flights tomorrow 😭 then things can go back to normal

#this is incoherent my thoughts are jumping around but this is typed off the dome so sorry about that #my post #also i dont have the energy to read it over so sorry for the typo or any autocorrects that make this hard to read

[beyuwol]

XTH TIME'S THE CHARM !!! hello... as usual i did not write this up nor did i post this in time. sorry about that! i hope my snail pace won't deter you from sticking around! this is velv- *sound of lorry passing by* disregard my previous failed attempts here i promise i will do better this time and today i bring you han yuwol, violin prodigy stepping into the ~band kids zone~ and who knows if that'll work out. happy to be exploring his future with you guys! without further ado, here are the notable links:

PROFILE ⋆ BACKGROUND

other than that, under the cut will be a list of general connections or plot ideas that we can work with, though i'm always open to brainstorm B) as usual, please LIKE THIS POST for me to slide into your ims for plotting purposes! i also have twitter (which sucks now) / discord (sucks less?) upon request

PLOT IDEAS !

if you peruse through his profile, you can see that he... barely has any hobbies tbh. probably not healthy. he would need someone more... free? fun? creative? to introduce him to some Fun hobbies (pls) that ISN'T music related!

more rebellious souls who would convince him to skip violin practice once in a while to hang out. take him to a bar. convince him to get his first piercing. make him Break Some Rules even if it feels like you'd be talking to a wall sometimes... IT WILL HAPPEN

fellow nepobabies who he would've "hung out" with during formal events and the like. people his parents might've told him to "befriend" and the connection remains superficial or... you two actually managed to become real friends!

would be nice if there was a pianist out there who would've performed with yuwol here and there for performances. could be friends... could be... people who were just forced to perform together. here's a ref to the vibes of yuwol's performances (usually it's hauntingly mesmerizing vibes)

other than that, acquaintances or friends from the classical music scene would be nice! people he knew from the orchestra. someone who might've trained with him. whether the connection is negative or positive, i'm open to both. he can't always have friends!

friends or people he knew from high school! he would've been a... goody two shoes, but would also have days when he would be absent performing. i... honestly haven't decided where he went to school so. lol. ehe woopsies. maybe ppl think he always seem so arrogant with how he keeps himself "busy"... or maybe you rlly are friends!

university friends! i also... did not decide where yet. haha woopsies x2! same things apply.

people from the Band Scene(tm), he's kind of 'new' as an active participant (guitarist/violinist/vocalist...?) but he always loved coming to watch performances because he simply loved music. so maybe people he knew from that circle, and now bam the violin prodigy is trying out band!

a few close friends who he can actually talk to. he isn't the most expressive person but he is usually friendly and kind, always willing to lend an ear to those he deems a close friend! he's not above laughing at you or tell you as it is if you fucked up somewhere though. even if he'll try to help out. he might sometimes crash your place when his parents are being Particularly More Unreasonable than usual and he needs an out (rare, but happens!)

can't really imagine him having mutual enemies... if someone disliked him he would just. laugh about it. and act like normal. which, granted, can probably piss people off

drinks coffee. eats junk food if he isn't told to eat properly, tbh. people who work at the cafe he frequents... people who see him eat terribly and then decide THIS HAS TO CHANGE!!! IT'S TIME FOR PROPER MEALS!!

I JUST READ ABOUT THE XMAS MARKET EVENT… so those too, please! 🙏

if you have any other ideas... please hit me with them!! i loveeeeeee brainstorming and mixing ideas and just READING. thank u all <3

#( ooc. ) #/ woooo it's 4am #perfect timing #WILL GET TO WELCOME MESSAGES TOO

[paragonrobits]

also i still think the number of big name fanon people in the fandom that REALLY hate Iroh when it comes to Azula is a fascinating thing because whenever people talk about the adults in her life failing her, its obvious that Iroh is heavily disliked in those corners for not focusing on Azula as he did Zuko, and there is certainly room for musing over prejudices or biases in Iroh's perspective, a lot of these takes don't really seem into interface with the simple point that:

Azula is Ozai's favorite and there is absolutely no way he is going to allow anyone to try to be a competing influence on his favorite asset and tool; she is nothing more to him and its pretty likely everyone else EXCEPT Azula is aware of this, but it also means that any attempts to provide her thoughts on anything else is going to come crashing down

Azula thinks the world of Ozai and at the young age we see her in Zuko Alone, its pretty clear that she is firmly modeling herself after him and trying to reach out to her with alternative viewpoints is unlikely to have any results other than tipping your hand to Ozai (because he WILL find out if you say anything to her, because she'll just tell him), and this is obvious. It's simply not a move that is worth the risk of directly going against him. 3. You can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be saved. She didn't value his advice or thoughts at all, openly dismissing him as a childish loser for grieving a family member (again; Ozai as her primary role model), and its hard to imagine him doing just about anything to remove her from that environment short of physically kidnapping her, which would only make her resent him more and directly have Ozai in open conflict with him. so the question may be asked; did Iroh just write her off as a lost cause? Possibly. We never actually really see WHAT he thinks of her, besides very evident tension and suppressed anger when she starts breaking his seashell collection, and in turn she is EXTREMELY quick to talk down to him and start shouting at him with very little pretext. Whether or not he DID care about her, if he chose to focus on Zuko in the spirit of 'maybe THIS one is salvagable, if my brother cares so little for him perhaps there may be some hope for reaching out to him'. It may be likely that this is just dynastic Fire Nation politics, with every generation its own mini-civil war of courtly intrigue, assassinations and political camps behind different family members vying for power. Assuming that the situation in Azula and Zuko's generation is typical, it may be that familial love is the outlier among the Fire Nation royal family, and sentimentality or concepts like 'you should love your family, they will definitely NOT stab you in the back at the first opportunity' are deadly weaknesses that will be exploited.

(Also, as far as their interactions Season 2 and onwards go, she DID shoot Iroh with intent to kill and he almost DID die from it. I think any things about being there for her or that she is a child soldier go out the window, given that once a child soldier is actively trying to kill you its reasonable to shoot back or be displeased that they almost killed you. It's not very likely that someone will remain sentimental and go 'oh they're just a kid'. That is not a thing most people tend to do.)

#queued

[ichayalovesyou]

A lot of people don’t like JJ Abrams’ influence on Star Trek and Star Wars. Why do you think that is?

Well I can’t speak for “people” but I just straight up HATE JJ Abrams as a director and as a “creative” force in Hollywood sci fi. His desire for diversity is superficial and poorly executed. His emotional investment in the property he’s working on is incredibly superficial as well. He seems, to me, based on interviews and his latest filmography, almost purely fame driven, and I deeply, deeply dislike him for it.

One, he treats his female leads like garbage and tends to pick a character to make into a glorified self-insert (see Spock and Kylo Ren) to forcibly bend the female lead into a romance with them. Zoe Saldana’s Uhura got relegated almost exclusively to “Spock’s love interest” until Star Trek Beyond, which wasn’t directed by him (thank god). I have heard on many occasions that Abrams decided on Spock/Uhura because he thought Zoe Saldana was hot, which is an insult to both character and actress. Every single female character in his Kelvin timeline films with a speaking role got a scene where they were in their underwear. Rey and Kylo Ren bothers me a LOT because again, even though she was the main character didn’t really get to be her own fleshed out character outside of a guy being in love with her (Finn and Kylo) and being related to Palpatine. Kylo actively psychically and emotionally abused her and was overall a whiny, genocidal maniac with a little over a decade age gap on her, and yet he still tried to bend it into a positive light with a sloppy attempt at a redemption arc for Kylo in episode 9. Gross.

Two, he also habitually sidelines or discards POC characters when the chips are down. This was much more of a problem in Star Wars than Star Trek even if ST as good about it as they could’ve been. Both Finn and Poe Dameron had the promise of giving us a SW main trinity that was composed of something other than white people, they both had potential for fantastic storylines (and for being queer rep but I think Abrams would rather eat nails than acknowledge Spirk or Finnpoe). Yet the main trio barely knew each other until the third film, and Rose, Finn and Poe all got extremely minimized in episode 9 and instead the film shifted most of its focus to Rey being the descendant of space Hitler and having a weird messed up forced romance with his protégé’s protégé. Not cool man. To put it lightly.

Three, the casual disrespect and lack of understanding the property he’s working on, specifically Star Trek. He openly claimed to not like it and to not have even watched it. He did not make his movies with people who love those characters in mind (the reason the Kelvin timeline is any good is because the ACTORS do an amazing job, and I will allow the beloathed the honest gratitude for bringing Star Trek back into the mainstream). He used Star Trek as a stepping stone for Star Wars, which he had FAR too much creative control over, and it crashed and burned as a result.

Quite frankly I hope he never touches the sci fi genre with his glorified big budget immature white boy power fantasy bullshit ever again.

#negative #anti Jj Abrams #but NOT anti Kelvin timeline #there’s stuff I like about it that isn’t about writing or shipping #but I hate that guy #so much #Star Trek #Star Wars #Star Wars episode IV #anti into darkness #lar trek #answering asks #personal opinion #sexism #racism #homophobia

[infictionalwonderland]

hope mikaelson x reader , bestfriends to rivials to secret protectors to lovers ?

secret protectors is secretly protecting eachother btw

and if you can , can you start it where they are ex bestfriends already

sure thing darling ;) I’ve tweaked it a tad but it’s mostly the same

it’s quite shitty but It’s written with my sleep deprived brain.. so.. sorry.

warnings : swearing, mentions of sex, underage drinking

Y/N Y/L/N and Hope Andrea Mikaelson.

The two of you had an.. interesting history to say the least.

Let’s start with the backstory shall we?

Now the two of you had already come from feuding families, though you had both completely disregarded that fact in your first meeting and there was an instant platonic connection. One which you and her both eagerly deepened as you’d both grown up shadowed from the outside world and without the ability to form relationships of any kind, so it was like a first to the both of you. In a sense.

Your relationship status of friends quickly glided from good friends to close friends to best friends and the two of you were perfectly content with this.

Of course that was until you families had to go ahead and ruin it.

It was actually Hope’s mum Hayley who had found out about your secret friendship first, unbeknownst to you, and Hope had almost burst into tears at the look of shock and mild disgust on her mum’s face.

“You’re father told me about that family.” Hayley had said “They aren’t a good bunch sweetheart.”

And Hope had stayed mute and assumed that that was the end of that — but of course she knew deep down that wasn’t simply going to be the end of this situation she had gotten herself into.

The next day, she was at a family dinner — one which they commonly had every single evening so nothing seemed out of the ordinary in the slightest.

But the tense looks on all her families faces told her otherwise and she had felt her heart psychically constrict at her dad’s next words.

“We don’t want you involved with that y/l/n family.”

That sentence was playing on her mind for days as she actively avoided you at all cost, knowing full well a look into your y/e/c eyes would only worsen her current predicament.

But she made her decision (no matter how difficult).

Family was everything to her...

So the next day, she had met you in person in broken up your friendship in perhaps the rudest way possible she could think of in the hopes you would start disliking her and consequently leaving her life which made her family life so much easier. No matter how the mere thought being without your presence for eternity pained her dearly.

But afterwards it was after your friendship never happened.

You went to thinking she was just like how your parents portrayed her family to be.

And she went to glaring in the halls of school and showcasing her ‘hate’ while dreaming of you when the day turned to dusk.

• • •

“Looking good y/n.” Your friend (kinda) Bianca Goldman whistled as you strutted over to her where she stood leaning against a tree as she observed the lively party.

“You too Ani.” You smiled playfully, twirling a strand of Bianca’s strawberry blonde hair around your finger with a playfully seductive look in your eyes.

“Go find someone else to hit on, you’ve got half the school pining after you.” Bianca scoffed lightly with a joking (mostly) roll of her green eyes but anyone could make out the newly gained pink flush to her pale skin.

“Aww no need to be jealous Ani.” You whispered lightly with a mocking pout as you leaned in a little more and watched in amusement as her pale skin gained a more crimson flush.

However, what you failed to see was from across the forest. Leaning against her own tree was your ex-bestfriend (enemy to everyone’s knowledge) watching you intently with jealously shining transparently in her ocean blue eyes.

“What’s go your thong in a twist princess.” Elizabeth Saltzman smirked jokingly, her eyes alight with the perfect mixture of mirth and entertainment that masked her confusion.

Hope didn’t answer, instead, a glare glazed over her previously envious blue eyes and she pursed her lips together.

“You’re jealous aren’t you?” Lizzie asked in amusement though slight shock, her gaze quickly flickering between both you and Hope with a new sense of interest and determination.

“Jealous of what? I’m only concerned for Bianca, y/n plays people and leaves them high and dry.” Hope spoke defensively.

“More like pleased and happy.” Lizzie corrected cheekily.

Her response was a displeased scoff and Hope taking an even bigger swig of her beer.

• • •

It was officially the next day and those who weren’t suffering with hangovers (the vampires and some werewolves or witches who knew the correct spells) were up bright and early.. most of them.

You were a witch, a bloody good one at that and thankfully you knew the hangover spell but with your lifestyle you sort of had to know it.

Still — instead of attending class like you were obviously meant to, you just went down to the kitchens for some food because hey? food is way more important than studies, right.?

Standing in the kitchens and munching happily on a chocolate chip cookie and you heard a sharp gust of wind. One which you could identify with an approaching vampire.

But before you could even turn, a resounding thud rang out through the kitchen and you turned to see a vampire, a newbie — Leon Arnold — neck snapped on the floor, blood staining his lips, mouth and shirt and vampire features receding back.

You blew out a harsh breath and placed your hand on your head, trying to calm your rapidly racing heart.

Under her own cloaking spell, Hope Mikaelson smiled lightly to herself in accomplishment and relief. Oh so maybe this seemed slightly stalker-ish.. but she was curious to what you did when you didn’t attend class and honestly thank god she did decide to be .. stalker-ish today.

“Mikaelson?”

Shit. She just so happened to forget you were an equally as powered witch who could see past her spells.

“You did that..?” You gestured to Leon and much to the annoyance of yourself you felt a warm feeling encase your heart at the thought of her protecting you.

“Yeah..I did.” Hope nodded her head hesitantly and slipped a quick smile over her plush pink lips with her cheeks discreetly flushing at the softer look that entered your y/e/c eyes.

“Well thank you.” You spoke sincerely and cursed yourself out mentally for the butterflies that swarmed around your stomach.

Just like old times

A response wasn’t heard on Hope’s end as you hastily hurried out.

• • •

“Ugh this is stupid.” Lizzie groaned slumping against the wall as she watched Hope pointedly avoid your eyes and you do the same. She had a sneaking suspicion and she also had an idea which in her opinion was spectacular.

“What is?” Josette, Josie, Saltzman asked hesitantly as she looked up with the end of her of pencil resting between her lips absentmindedly.

“This!” Elizabeth practically shouted as she gestured between Hope and you and Josie looked on with wide perplexed eyes.

“No you know what.” Lizzie muttered, putting Hope’s wrist in a tight hold and magically dragging you over. Ignoring your groans and shouts of protest and everyone’s either wide and curious or shocked eyes.

Quickly, she basically threw the both of you in the nearest classroom and placed a spell on the door.

“Talk! Now!”

You and Hope sat in a extremely tense silence for about a minute or so just staring into each other’s heatedly.

Before suddenly she crashed froward and pressed her lips into yours hungrily.

You eagerly responded to the kiss, familiar with this nature of kiss, winding your hands through her soft locks of auburn hair as hers wrapped around your waist. Hope let out a little moan as you ran your tongue over her bottom lip and she obediently opened her mouth slightly for you to proceed.

Abruptly the two of you pulled apart, panting harshly.

“We should—“

“Yeah—“

“Be my girlfriend—“

It felt like time stopped from a moment and with a wide grin appearing on your face you nodded your head frantically.

Your families the last thing on your minds.

#hope mikaelson x y/n #hope mikaelson x you #hope mikaelson x reader #hope mikaelson imagine #hope mikaelson #the originals #legacies #mikaelson

[fallinfl0wers]

love stories with some genshin boys i thought of while listening to my playlists

includes: aether (210 words), xiao (261 words), scaramouche (277 words) and albedo (307)

warnings (?): spoilers of ‘we will be reunited’, english is not my native language and uhh idk what else, idk really know what these are, headcanons ?? snippets ?? also not beta read and not edited.

it’s long so uhhh i’ll add a cut somewhere

anyway enjoy!! ...whatever this is i guess

Aether

Falling in love with Aether is like a fun adventure. He, being always the center of attention and the protagonist no matter where he goes, is a free spirited, kind and hardworking man. 

Throughout your time travelling and being in a relationship together, you’ll find that your relationship with the Honorary Knight is one of sweet kisses under the sunlight; innocent handholding while thinking up of what to make for dinner tonight; of easily talked out arguments and finding ways to compromise; of softly pushing each other to become a better version of themselves and, most of all, of supporting and having each other’s backs no matter what.

And when Aether confronts the Abyss Princess face to face for the first time and his world comes crashing down on him, this trait of your relationship shines like no other, as you hold him in your arms after everything was over during the night, Paimon sleeping soundly next to the both of you inside your improvised campsite.

“Even though I’m not sure what -or who- I should believe anymore, I... I know I want to see this journey to the end, and I want you to be there with me for it. Let’s be together until the last moment and beyond.”

Songs:

Snow Fairy - Funkist

Snowing, be honest with yourself and smile When two people are getting closer, time overlaps Fairy, where are you going I will gather all the light and shine it on your tomorrow

Still Lonely - SEVENTEEN

This cursed popularity. Why won’t it leave me? But why am I getting lonelier The early morning chill makes me feel Even lonelier today I feel completely empty, as if I’m empty

Kanpeki Gu~ no ne - Watarirouka Hashiritai

I'm at a loss for words, with this and that, I'm totally in love with you Someday, I want do the same to you: Watch you flounder, At a loss for words right back to me!

Side by Side - The8 from SEVENTEEN

I want to hold hands with you but I don't know what to do what to do oh baby I want to give all my heart to you but You still don't know what's in my heart

Hope - Namie Amuro

At the end of this blue, wide world there's a place I want to aim at with you We chose this long ago for eternity

Xiao

Falling in love with Xiao is like living a bittersweet dream. The Vigilant Yaksha is far from human, or so he says, and thus is out of touch with the way we mortals experience feelings, both the negative and positive ones.

Your relationship with him is one of compassion, mutual understanding, appreciation and patience. So, so much patience. Of intertwined pinkies and soft stolen glances, of shy smiles and comfortable silence sometimes filled with your voice chatting time away and his short responses to your talks.

I mentioned patience. He knows you’re making an enormous effort to try and understand him and be patient with him and his slow learning process of how relationships work, so it’s only fair that he makes a true effort to understand you and your feelings.

Xiao is well aware that he could hurt you without wanting to, be it with his blunt phrasing of his thoughts or his Karmic Debt, as much as he is aware that you will eventually pass away and leave him behind to go somewhere he can’t follow, and that undeniable truth haunts him every second of every day he gets to spend with you. And still, he wishes and wants and does cherish each and every warm, kind feeling he gets every single second you’re together nonetheless.

“I might not know what to make of these new feelings you gave me. But I’ll learn. I promise I’ll learn, so please... don’t go, not yet. Let me treasure you and carve you into my memory for as long as I can.”

Songs:

Euphoria - BTS

I don't know what this emotion is Perhaps this is also the inside of a dream A dream is the blue mirage of the desert Deep inside of me, a priori I become happy to the point of being unable to breathe The surroundings, bit by bit, become clearer

Fallin’ Flower - SEVENTEEN

While flower blooms and falls, scars cure and buds shoot We are living our first and last moment So I won’t take you for granted Because you loved me as I am

Fear - SEVENTEEN

Get out my mind I can't handle it, I'm afraid of myself The truth has me tied up My heart is tainted I'm afraid it'll eventually change you too

The Truth Untold - BTS, Steve Aoki

It’s my fate Don’t smile to me Light on me Because I can’t get closer to you There’s no name you can call me

You know that I can’t Show you me Give you me I can’t show you a ruined part of myself Once again I put a mask on and go to see you But I still want you

Tiny Light - Akari Kitō

Because you colored my unchanging monochromatic days Even the blurred darkness gained meaning

Still, hidden in this heart, these feelings of preciousness so strong that they hurt I just want to convey these feelings to only you before they disappear someday

Scaramouche

Falling in love with Scaramouche is like constantly playing a game. He’s strict, demanding, disagreeable, and widely disliked by enemies and allies alike. Still, he has a heart too; and he holds desires and hopes deep inside of it, although most of them are fueled by the unchanging curiosity he has towards the world around him, curiosity to know what he can get out of whatever the world wants to throw at him.

You were no exception to that rule, at first.

When he met you he wanted to get something from you. And you knew it from the start, just as he knew that you knew. And that didn’t change anything, at first.

Your relationship with him is one of dangerously playful, yet still light-hearted games of seduction, teasing and deceit; of secret kisses exchanged in expensive private rooms in restaurants or the cozy warmth of your home, of an unspoken shared respect and, most of all, complete, mutual devotion.

You know Scaramouche is not a good man. He has done many, many unspeakable things in his life as one of the Eleven, and he knows he’s far from being the perfect charming prince you could aim for, but he will never let you go. Because behind those hardened walls of egocentrism and pride, you saw what no one else bothered to see. You saw him, not the role he was playing, you saw him and fell in love with him.

“To be honest, I don’t think I could find anyone else who understands me as much as you do. And no, I’m not saying this because I want something, give me some more credit, geez...”

Songs:

soldier game -  µ’s

You'll come with me, yes? You've grown curious about my touch, yes? Then it's already love Since you're someone I must meet in battle someday, That might just be your reason It's soldier game Though we've met again, I'm soldier heart

Kowareyasuki - Guilty Kiss

Just stop it already and show your heart only to me I love your eyes that are about to cry And your defenseless, clumsy way of living too (...) The hesitation you convey makes my chest hurt Some people just don't know what such kindness is But then I discover the truth When we got together, you don't have to endure anymore Right now, show your grief only to me I like that you think too much The complete opposite of me

Shhh - SEVENTEEN

Don't think of all these as your mere illusion They're not lies that follow the moment No one can underestimate it, my feelings are an ignition 'Cause I'm always the same Me and you, we got hurt by the lies that we won't ever work But it's fate

(...)

So I can cover you from danger A consented dedication

(...)

It's as natural as breathing An everlasting dedication

Good to me - SEVENTEEN

Yeah, when you were making that sign in my heart It was a long time since my firewall broke down Pass with the password What in the world do you know about me? Are my deep feelings seen by you?

Hiraishin - Keyakizaka46

(To trust is to be betrayed, to open one’s heart is to get hurt So to avoid being struck by lightning-like sorrow…)

Which side am I picking? Ah, these values are hard to handle That’s why I won’t stop watching over you Positive positive positive You should just be yourself… I can forgive whatever absurdities you pull off I’ll support you without being noticed Even when you get nitpicked I’ll be your companion Let us now promise to live an unremarkable life hereafter What we have here is the lightning rod of love

Albedo

Falling in love with Albedo is a fairy tale-like experience for both of you. His attention had always been focused on his research, everything else fading into the background save for a few exceptions, until you came around. You, who stole all his attention by just existing. 

As an alchemist, he’s naturally the curious type. He wanted to know what about it had caught his attention, what was so special about you that had him clinging to your every word and movement every time you interacted with him. Still, human relationships are hard for him, and he figured you might go away the second he started to feel burnt out from your interactions. But you didn’t. Instead, you stayed. You stayed and took interest on what he did, asked questions, gave your insight, and dragged him to sleep when he needed a break. In exchange, he did the same for you.

Your relationship with Albedo is like one of those awkwardly sweet first time crushes. Of carefully calculated movements, dates and compliments, of soft kisses on lips, hands and cheeks, of mutual support, understanding and mature compromising and commitment.

The Kreideprinz, like everyone else, has his own fears and insecurities, especially regarding his... nature, but he does his best not to let them affect the relationship he has with you. Each moment spent by your side, even when he’s not actively doing any research, is considered perfectly spent, meaningful time.

“A long time ago, I was tasked with finding out the meaning of this world. Though I have directed my efforts and resources to looking for the answer through alchemy, ever since we met I... think, I’ve found an unexpected conclusion to said issue. While it’s likely that this is not the answer expected from me, I’m positive that, at least personally, I finally have the answer.”

Songs:

Futari Saison - Keyakizaka46

In the wind blowing through the city’s streets, even though I caught whiff of something’s scent, I had no interest in looking back

In a 1m radius around me, I formed an invisible barrier to another world And yet, you took someone like me out of it

What made you do that?

Home - SEVENTEEN

What can I do? Without you I’m just an old robot, my heart stops and it’s always cold What can we do? Without me You’ll struggle just as much, so what can we do?

Baby, I want to cherish our warmth So no one can come between us

Flower - SEVENTEEN

You taught me, you showed me You’re my only reason If you can forever remember me I can get hurt, I can get hurt

My heart that’s engraved with your light Makes me stronger Give me your sharp thorns Cause you’re my flower

Oh my! - SEVENTEEN

Sorry for repeating the same thing But this is all I can try using hard words But my true feeling is this, every everything

(...)

How about you? Is it hard for you to sleep because of me too? If you keep making my heart flutter What do I do?

Naze koi wo shite konakattan darou? - Sakurazaka46

Why hadn't I fallen in love? I've been making fun of it all this time I mean everyone keeps saying 'I love you' just like cats in heat But after falling in love I realized what people live for To meet, to love, to the point of nothing but... I'm not myself, I want to find my true self.

#xiao x reader #aether x reader #scaramouche x reader #albedo x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin impact headcanon #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #first post yay #why is albedo's so long tho he's not even my favorite out of them lol #melodywritings #fluff #genshin impact x reader #melwritesgenshin

[astaroth1357]

How about the brothers + diavolo reacting to an mc that smokes cigarettes, but only when stressed out? I hope this ask doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. 🙂

So this is interesting for me because I'm actually an asthmatic and cigarette smoke is one of my triggers. Naturally, that means I'm not the biggest fan of smoking (because I like breathing air) but I'm going to try not to turn this into a straight PSA. I assume if you smoke, you already know what's up and if you don’t, you're probably not considering it and leave things at that. I imagine what you want is the characters' perspectives and not mine, so I'll do my best to give that to you here. I hope you like it!

An MC Who's a Stress Smoker

Lucifer

Not the biggest fan of their habit, but mostly due to smell. Actually needing that bit of stress relief - he totally gets.

After he found out that they smoke he set a lot of ground rules: "No smoking in the House; No smoking at RAD; No smoking in uniform" yadi-yadi-yada… but he never straight up banned them from doing it.

If he catches the MC out smoking, he'll usually keep his distance until they've finished (and ideally changed clothes) before calling them in to ask what's wrong.

If they can't keep to the rules, that's when he's going to start having a problem. Cigarette/cigar smoke gives him a headache and he really can’t tolerate it for long…

If they start smoking in places they're not supposed to, then he will try to ban them cold turkey so better stay mindful about it. It wouldn’t take many slip ups unfortunately…

 

Mammon

Yeah… I know some people HC that Mammon smokes too. I wouldn't go that far, but I'll say he's most likely done it before.

Mammon picked up smoking for a century or so from his trips to the human world (humans freaking loved tobacco for some reason) but eventually stopped because the smell annoyed Lucifer and it has some weird effects on Diavolo…

When he caught the MC smoking on their balcony the first time, he was a little surprised because he didn't peg them for the type, but throwing stones in glass houses and all that… Who is he to judge?

Mammon actually likes to stick around during their outdoor smoke sessions. It's a pretty relaxing, dare say intimate, affair. He'll grab a cigarette himself and just let them vent about whatever's bothering them. Zero judgment about it all.

He will warn the MC about Lucifer’s dislike of the smell though… They have to be careful or he'll start getting on their case, you know?

Leviathan 

Smoking is fairly common among badass characters in anime so it's not like he has a super negative image of it to start with, anyway. 🤷‍♀️

Surprisingly understanding of their coping mechanism, I mean, this man has made a life out of his own.

If he sees that they’re out smoking he may pop out to go ask what's up. He won't be much bothered by the smoke unless they blow it right in his face or something (which is a little rude anyway).

Will be a little disappointed that the MC only does it to calm down and they're not actually some kind of secret badass (or maybe they are, I dunno) but he gets the need to have some kind of grounding more than most.

Isn't nearly as bothered by the smell as Lucifer, but not about to jump in and join them like Mammon… He's pretty down the middle about it.

 

Satan

Though he can't fault them for looking for relief, he's done enough research into human health that he really can’t condone this method…

Satan, bless his black soul, is going to be the nag of the family. He will bring up how unhealthy smoking is and he will urge them to try and find a different habit.

To be fair, he did the same to Mammon too - but to a lesser extent because demon bodies can cope with the toxins a lot better. Since the MC is human, he feels a lot of urgency… it comes from a good place.

The MC should expect to have to hide from Satan if they’re out smoking because he will crash their de-stressing with a mini-lecture. He won't go as far as to take the cigarette from their hands, but he will ask them to put it out.

He's not blind to their feelings, though. If they’re smoking, he'll ask what's wrong and how he can help so they can just stop for the night. If they do want to quit, then he's more than willing to support them through the transition. He won't leave them high and dry, but he will make his thoughts known. Be aware of that.

 

Asmodeus 

Uh, don't they know what smoking does to your skin? Your teeth?? Oh no, honey, you gotta try something else!

Yeah like Satan, Asmo isn't a huge fan but unlike Satan he's mostly worried about the physical damages alone. Poor guy can't understand why someone would actively do something with those negative effects when there are much healthier options!

He will pretty much be on a mission to give them other stress relief outlets like massages, bathes, music, meditation, or whatever else he can think of. He'll keep throwing stuff at a wall until it sticks. 🤷‍♀️

Again, it comes from a good place (albeit a somewhat more shallow one) but he cares deeply about them and always wants them to always look their best.

Unfortunately, Asmo's not even coming near them if he sees them smoking. He knows secondhand is a thing and he wouldn’t risk it, but he may call them or text them while they're out there to see what's wrong.

 

Beelzebub 

Beel's pretty easygoing one way or another so I see him accepting the MC's choice with little judgment. Their life and all.

Being an athlete, I also can imagine he may have a bit of knowledge about why it's not good for you but he won’t hammer it in like Satan. He might remind them once or twice if they start coughing because he worries… but that’s about it.

If there's anything he's going to be sad about, though, it's if their smoking habit starts to diminish their sense of taste… There’s so many foods he wants to share with them, he hopes they can enjoy it all… 😥

If Beel sees them out smoking, he'll pull a Levi and just come out to see what's wrong. He may not stay long because he doesn’t want to breathe in too much secondhand (still an athlete and all) but he'll still check in on them… Such a sweet guy.

 

Belphegor 

The smell did take some getting used to, but he used to nap around Mammon all the time so it's not like it's unfamiliar. He can adapt.

Really can't give two shits on whether or not their habit is healthy for them. In the long term, that may bite him in the ass, but that’s also kind of Sloth's whole deal so…

More or less would treat them the exact same way, smoking or not, because that doesn't much affect him or his chances to cuddle them.

If there's anything that is going to bother him, it might be coughing when he's trying to sleep... But that won't be a serious concern unless it gets BAD.

If Belphie sees them out smoking, he'll ask what's wrong… but also if they want to just come inside and sleep the problem off. He's trying to help… in his own way. 🤷‍♀️

 

Diavolo 

Daddy Devil smoked and you can't convince me otherwise.

The smell of cigarettes and cigars kind of give Diavolo a knee-jerk familiar reaction - like when you smell a food or soap that you associate with your childhood. It may not be a good smell or one you even like, but you're drawn to it anyway for the memories.

Doesn't matter how many times the MC has changed clothes or how long they scrub their body for, he can still smell it on them and it's like hitting a lightswitch in his brain - he knows that smell and it's oddly comforting…

Diavolo is going to hover around them a lot. Expect a lot of hugs or just standing a bit too close so he can get a good whiff. Lucifer is going to be utterly confused by his actions but Barbs knows what's up.

The MC is strictly forbidden by Lucifer to smoke anywhere near Diavolo, but that’s hardly going to matter. He can pick up when they've done it recently and he'll ask what's wrong… probably while hugging them because he's looking for that comfort too.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me headcanons #obey me requests

[quetzalpapalotl]

BARBIE TELL ME ABOUT WHIRLOP please

OH WELL IF YOU INSIST

My boys, my faves, my train wrecks. I have talked about Whirlop before so I'm probably just gonna repeat myself but since you missed it

We don't actually get to see Optimus and Whirl's dynamic in present day but man, it must be so complicated. This got a bit long so

Whirl was under Orion's responsability as captain, OP must feel so guilty for letting that beat up that resulted in war happen. Still he personally invites Whirl to the Autobots, "compassion as a weapon of war" Whirl calls it, which is such a microcosm of Optimus character. He meants good by that, he's trying to go for forgiveness, and yet it ignores Whirl's circumstances.

OP admist he knew Whirl had to have history with the Senate given his empurata, yet he buys the story that Whirl's reason to beat Megatron and then getting away was that he had friends in power and drags Whirl to the Senate whithout much thought. While the Senate callout is one of his highlights as a character, he made a show of Whirl, which led to him being even more hated and beaten up in prison, which only added to his mountain of trauma. When he joins the Autbots, what other choice does he have?

Who knows if OP ever learned Whirl's full story, probably not. Whirl doesn't want to be known. He learned about the beating, the senate's role and Whirl tipped him about the bomb. Whirl claims is only for Revenge's Sake, but Orion seems to want to believe there's some good in him, which probably leads to the offer to join the Autobots.

OP probably hoped to make an example of Whirl, but Whirl doesn't exactly get better. He ends up joining the Wreckers which is far from an ideal place for rehabilitation. Whirl probably reminds Optimus of his failings. And you know how it goes for Optimus, his hatred of teh world gets mixed with his hatred of himself which he doesn't know how to deal with.

As for what Whirl feels for OP, well, he probably hates him, he's good at keeping grudges. Must think that Optimus compassion is empty. But Whirl is also secretly soft for those who are nice to him, and despite everything OP treated him nicer tham most. As a captain he was a good boss despite the Empurata and despite probably knowing Whirl was a plant set by the senate because they didn't like the way Orion was doing things (I'm stealing this headcanon from @polyhexian). He tried to give him a place when Whirl didn't have anywere to go. He hates Whirl, but well, everyone does and at least Optimus tries to hide it, and kept acting like it could be better. A part of him probably still wishes for Optimus approval.

So as far as a romantic relationship goes they would be a disaster. They are both desperately seeking one form of validation, Optimus to be right about thee goodness of people and how they can change. Whirl to prove that he's worth something, to not dissapoint someone who always had faith in him superficial as it is. They are both emotionally stunneda and very alone, don't talk about their needs, just keep pushing trying to drag something out of the other person that they don't even name.

And Whirl is someone who actively tries to make himself unpleasant to sabotage his own relationships, which Optimus would try to bear with a patience he lacks until he snaps, which feeds into his guilt. But he can't give up. So they're stuck ina cycle until this thing explodes.

But you know, there could be a lot of growth for both of them if they actually talked to each other, in a way they are what each other needs to smooth their fatal flaws, which is what keeps them there. So either they get their shit together or this train crashes and everyone else suffers from it.

On another note, Whirl is so supremely dislikes Rodimus was the one Megatron in a sea on Whirls in "dress up as someone you hate" night as Swerver's. Can you imagine the bragging rights if he hooked up with Optimus? Whom all the Autobots admire and want to fuck or want as their dad. Whirl would absolutely rub it in their faces lmao. Megatron may also go insane.

Also, Nate has a Whirl & OP fic, not shippy, but with an amazing Optimus voice, if you're interested

#whirlop #thanks for you interest ruin i love these two so fucking much #quetzal rambles tf

[heniareth]

For the OC ask meme: What does your character like in other people?, What was your OC's favorite toy/item as a child?, Under what circumstances do they find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?, How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?, In what situation was your OC the most calm they’ve ever been?, What is your favorite thing about your OC? for your Astala :) I chose one from every category. I hope that's alright. Don't feel pressed to answer all of them if it's too much :)

Heyy!! Thank you so much for the ask, this'll be fun XD Until I play the other games, it's once again time to talk about Astala Tabris.

What does your character like in other people?

On the top of the list is definitely loyalty. There's a special place in Astala's heart for loyal and dedicated people, people she can trust and rely on (almost) no matter what.

Apart from that, she likes people who are compassionate, people who are able to smile in the face of danger, people who can take a joke and fire one right back, and people who are truthful to who they are and stand up for it. If we're talking about looks, she tends to notice smiles. Somebody with a bright smile will almost never not be beautiful to her.

What was your OC’s favorite toy/item as a child?

She had a stuffed mabari that I’ve talked about here (and you’ve probably already read it, so I’m not going to repeat it). But that was her favorit toy, so there’s still a favourite item left XD

On one occasion her mother brought home a very nice pair of red boots for little Astala. They had some spots and smelled strongly of salt and algae, but they were red and warm and to die for. She was only ever allowed to wear them inside the alienage, never when they went to the market or the docks or any other place frequented by humans. Astala understood that her boots were a secret to be kept. She assumed that they’d be taken away from her if the humans saw her running around with something so nice. This made the boots all the more special, like her family’s own little rebellion. The real reason for hiding the boots, of course, was to avoid raising suspicions as to her mother’s illegal dealings. Astala wore them proudly until she outgrew them, at which point they passed on to the kid of a friend of her father’s.

Under what circumstances do they find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

For Astala, killing is acceptable under the following circumstances: the person is actively attacking her and/or a friend and/or somebody who’s defenseless; they don’t back down or flee when given the chance to; and/or they have done something terrible to her or to a loved one. In this last case, the word isn’t exactly “it’s acceptable” for her and more “they deserved it”. Vaughan Urien, who’s the bad guy in the city elf’s backstory, is somebody Astala has killed (partly) out of vengeance. If a person surrenders, however, or if she beats them, she’ll almost always spare them. There are a few exceptions to this, one of them being if the person in question is a parent, which... complicates the matter very much. I’m very much looking forward to what she’ll do with Loghain. On one hand, he’s made a pact with slavers and allowed them to take her people to fund his war. On the other hand, he’s Anora’s father, Anora is right there... and he has surrendered. I really don’t know what will win in this case, her outrage over the injustice done to her people or the memory of how it felt losing her mother.

How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

She definitely has one, although I don’t quite know how to describe it. So I’m just going to show you a bit:

"Why don't we take a moment to introduce ourselves properly? I'll start." Astala sat down cross-legged, straightened her back and affixed a smile to her face. "Hi! I'm Astala Tabris. I come from the Denerim Alienage and I've been a Grey Warden for a grand total of… For how long was I out again?"

"A night and a day," the witch, Morrigan, answered.

"I've been a Grey Warden for four days, then. I like flowers and plum-filled cakes with milk and honey, and I dislike itchy clothing and working at taverns. Alistair? Your turn." She gave him a pointed look over her smile.

Alistair pulled a face. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do," Astala nodded emphatically. "What else are you gonna bond over if not my terrific style of leadership?"

Alistair sighed, but shifted into a more upright position. "Right. I'm Alistair. I've been a Grey Warden for a year and a bit. I was trained as a templar before that."

"Wonderful,” Astala said, cheerful smile still plastered on her face. “Likes and dislikes?"

"Cheese and… and darkspawn? What do you want me to say?" Alistair threw the stick he had been breaking to tiny pieces into the campfire. "Where did you get this 'bonding activity' from anyway?"

Astala’s smile grew into a grin. "Why, the Chantry-run education program for us poor alienage kids, of course.”

That’s her sense of humor. It probably carries a good dose of mischief and general tomfoolery. She likes to mess around.

In what situation was your OC the most calm they’ve ever been?

At first, I was thinking about this in terms of “in what stressful situation was your OC the most calm”. And while Astala may appear calm outwardly, it’s a mask nine times out of ten.

The most calm she’s ever been is probably a few days after defeating the Archdemon. She’s still in that kind of post-battle haze where she wants to do nothing but lie around, maybe sleep for a while, maybe eat something, and this time she actually doesn’t have to do anything but lie around (Wynne expicitly told her so). The smoke clouds over Denerim have finally vanished, she’s home, her family is safe, her companions are alive and unharmed or have been healed, the Blight is over, Zevran is there... The future is a mystery and she doesn’t know what she’ll do next with her life, but that can wait. Right now, she has a chance to rest, and she grabs it with both hands.

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

I’m very attached with her reluctance to leave anybody behind and her fear of death. It’s something I can relate to and they make for good storytelling; at one point she’ll have to decide which of the two she’d rather do >:) . I also recently decided that if she’d ever have a symbol associated to her, it’s the sea and particularly the waves crashing against a rocky cliff, tunneling through the stone and dragging gravel in and out of the tunnels in an ever-thundering cacophony of sounds. The waves just have something relentless and unstoppable about them, and they smooth out even the hardest and roughest stone. I haven’t worked out yet if Astala is the stone or the waves; probably a bit of both. But I like this piece of symbolism.

---

Thank you so much for the ask!! These questions really are a ton of fun (and I got to share some writing! Yey! :D). It’s also amazing how much they can help to flesh out characters, or to reveal things that I knew but didn’t know I knew, if that makes sense. Anyways, I had a lot of fun with this and I hope you had fun reading it as well ^^

#astala tabris #warden tabris #dao #dragon age #dragon age origins #dragon age: origins #da:o #da: o #da: origins #the warden #hero of ferelden #the hero of ferelden #ask game #for fun #my ocs

[midoriyashotos]

Anguish of the Quirkless

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shoto (could be platonic... though I ship them a lot lmao)

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shoto; MENTIONED - Bakugo Katsuki

Summary: Izuku doesn’t explode.

But burn after burn, he can’t take it anymore.

AO3 / Fanfiction

A/N: I had no reason to write this other than the fact I’ve been really angry and I needed to write something down.

I guess this is technically my first Tododeku fic? But like, it isn’t the focus here, so interpret it the way you want (if you can). I hope this didn’t turn out to be too OOC, though.

Please be aware of the tags and disclaimers below. Be safe. <3

TRIGGER WARNINGS - childhood trauma, past bullying/abuse and injury

*NOT BAKUGO/BAKUDEKU FRIENDLY!

--

Izuku doesn’t explode.

If anything, he’s more than scared of explosions. The explosions that silence him, that burn his tongue and his arms and legs, and the notebook of his fanboyish train of thought. The blasts that keep happening no matter how far away he is.

So no, he doesn’t explode. He probably can’t.

--

Though every time he stares at the blond spikes of his classmate, Izuku is sickened by a cocktail of years of combustions.

Maybe he does admire the beauty of the explosions when far away. Depending on them, they can actually be quite beautiful when done for the greater good. But when he’s so near, to try to reach them, Izuku gets injured. It’s probably his fault to begin with.

But even with patience and care, Izuku is always exploded back to where he’s been stuck in since he was four.

Izuku is always behind Katsuki. He can’t go around him and walk away. He can’t push him aside, he can’t as much as talk to him. Katsuki will forever be a wall, a minefield that will remain activated until the end of time.

And most importantly, Izuku can never explode back.

He hates explosions, after all.

--

The flaming blend of feelings, however, reach his mind at times he should be feeling okay.

The image of himself exploding Katsuki, of yelling at him, beating the crap out of him sickens the young hero to no end.

But it replays in his head still, even when they’re not fighting and instead having fun with their other classmates. Izuku stares at Katsuki for mere seconds and the thoughts come to him. The freckled boy swallows it all back, until it comes to haunt him at night. Until the burns sting his arms and his heart.

Izuku has tense nights, yet he never explodes. Ever.

--

You’d think Izuku would be happy here. He is happy, though, to be where he’s dreamed of for so long.

But each day that passes, he seems to get worse, he’s sick and tired and angry, and the combustions are closer to his heart. The fantasies become more violent, they’re disturbing. Izuku stains his hands, massacring the remaining of blond hair and hateful red eyes.

Izuku could never take blood from someone. It’s awful – he’s being awful. What would others think? What would everyone else think? All Might, his mother, his friends?

Izuku knows he can cry, but what about the rage? What about the ticking bomb inside him? The bomb that might be close to destroying all around him?

He can’t let anyone see.

Least of all Katsuki.

--

Thankfully, U.A. owns several gymnasiums for the students to train. Few, though, are somewhat left aside due to the new ones, but they don’t really close them. His classmates don’t seem to use them either, as far as he’s concerned.

Izuku finds the classic training tools, including several, big punching bags – different from those you see in common gyms, obviously. They’re able to take up a lot more damage, useful for physical-focused quirks.

He prepares and attacks. Holding it back, Izuku knows to be careful, to protect others. He hates explosions. He hates hurting others.

(All everyone has ever done was hurt him. Why? He was powerless. Quirkless. Deku.)

(That’s why he reclaimed the name, to transform it into someone who could be trusted, someone who could never hurt.)

Izuku kicks, dodges, as if in a real fight. He gives the bag mercy. Probably unnecessary.

(No one gave him mercy.)

(Midoriya Izuku, a boy who could never do wrong, who did nothing but exist.)

(He was exploded like no one ever was.)

The boy’s hands shine red with One for All, as do his eyes. The punching bag absorbs the power, becoming harder to punch and overcome. Izuku continues to spare it, to no avail.

(No matter what he does, he’ll continue to be blasted on the face.)

(Whether he’s powerless or not. The explosions will punish him until he’s gone.)

It’s then that the bag’s energy turns against him and blows him away, Izuku falling back and failing, once again.

It’s all too familiar.

Izuku roars.

He advances with his all, at the same speed as Gran Torino’s, but with a rage unknown to others. A rage from no hero. Heroes don’t feel hate, only towards evil – yet never, never to this extent. With revenge comes nothing. No hero should be selfish.

(This doesn’t come from a hero. It comes from… a boy? A monster?)

And Izuku is attacking the bag with no barriers holding him back. The second time it attacks, Izuku doesn’t let himself fall again. He returns at full speed and destroys the bag. He’s yelling this entire time, his throat hurting yet he’s far from quitting.

“WHY?!” Izuku demands from the bag. “WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”

As always, he gets no answer, only blows and ignorance. And he’s punching it again.

The red of the bag infuriates him, it’s all he sees, and he wants to eradicate.

All those years, all that time never fighting back, never looking for solutions after years of rejections; they all come back to stab him again.

You’re useless.

Pathetic.

You need to deal with it.

“You RUINED MY LIFE!” Izuku screams, eyes shut but red, dams overflowing. “AND YOU DON’T EVEN CARE!”

Despite his cries and punches, they’re not moving, they’re not listening. When have they ever? When?

“I HATE YOU!” Izuku yells, his most disliked words. He’d never say to anyone.

“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”

“I

HATE

YOU!!! ”

 CRASH!

He yelps at the force thrown back at him. Smoke enters his nose, painful coughs echoing.

When Izuku looks back, he gasps without making a sound.

He didn’t destroy just one bag – it fired back and damaged the other ones, now abandoned on the floor.

And even then—

Izuku growls and punches the floor, this time without any power left.

He’s still burning.

It doesn’t matter. It never matters.

Now everything smokes and suffocates him, and he’s crying the most he’s ever did.

That’s why he hates explosions.

--

Izuku doesn’t go to Recovery Girl, nor does he tell anyone. He hopes Aizawa-sensei never finds out what he’d done. He looked for cameras and, thankfully, found none.

He lies to his friends he trained in the woods and got a little ahead of himself. As a response, Uraraka tells him to be careful and Iida insists Quirk training should be balanced for him, as a hero in training. Two important statements, of course.

Todoroki, however, observes.

It’s the most he does. Todoroki watches and sees all, barely saying much. He reads people like no one else does. He was the first to realize something would go wrong with Iida, when the latter had wanted to seek his brother’s almost assassin.

This is different, though. So much different.

Izuku ignores it the best he can.

--

Late at night, he can’t sleep. The green-eyed boy sneaks in the kitchen, to grab some tea to make. His classmates seem to have healthy sleep schedules, especially when exams are out of the scene.

So slow steps take him off guard, and Izuku hides his arms under his sleeves.

“Midoriya.”

He sighs deeply. “Oh, Todoroki-kun… it’s just you. What’s up?”

Todoroki shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh. Me neither.”

“Hm.”

Todoroki is doing it again, he can tell. Watching him. (Judging.)

Izuku hates being watched – he’s watched the entire time.

The tea doesn’t take much longer to be ready, so Izuku barely bats an eye to Todoroki and makes his way to the stairs.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he mumbles.

“Wait, Midoriya—”

“What ?”

Izuku regrets the moment he hisses, but he’s so tired.

“Just…” his classmate hesitates. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Todoroki’s tone has… softened.

Izuku doesn’t turn around.

“… Good night, Todoroki-kun.”

--

The days go by like usual. It’s like nothing happened. No one has found out, or so he hopes.

Todoroki hasn’t talked to him since that night. Or well, Izuku tries to avoid looking at him for too long in the first place. They have lunch together with the rest, but there’s no direct contact at all.

Todoroki isn’t the kind of person you can make excuses. He reads into your tone, he knows something is wrong. While Izuku’s relationship with him has definitely improved since the Sports Festival and Stain, he still finds that aspect of him a little intimidating. Because Todoroki, in contrast, is hard to read most of the time.

Izuku might as well be avoiding him. Of course, he’s polite when Todoroki has a question or when he asks for a favor. Though he rejects the suggestion they train together in the next day. Mostly, because Izuku’s wounds still sting, and he refuses to go to the infirmary.

At last, Izuku finds himself going to the old gymnasium, with no intention to seethe like before, even if the urge screams in his brain. It looks… the same, on the outside. As for the inside…

Instead of the gray smoke and destroyed reds, Izuku stops as soon as he catches white strands connected to wine, fire red. A fire that doesn’t explode, but fire, nonetheless.

Izuku’s veins fill with One for All, and before he goes Full Cowling to get as far away as possible, he’s less than lucky to expose himself.

“Midoriya?”

Nononononono—

Even though Todoroki isn’t using his Quirk, Izuku feels like he’s frozen by his giant ice spikes, caught to explain himself.

Why on earth is Todoroki here? Does he also know this spot? Oh, of course. Todoroki often trains alone but Izuku never knew where. Oh my god.

There are no words shared or spoken, least of all whispered. Izuku can’t bring himself to look up. There’s only shame to be shared. No one was supposed to find out and yet he just revealed himself. Stupid. Idiot!

A step.

“Midoriya…”

Izuku shakes his head.

“I know what you’re going to say.”

Todoroki stops. “What?”

“… that I’m supposed to be a hero, right? That I shouldn’t have done this? I- I know I shouldn’t have.” Izuku clenches his jaw and his fists, to contain the trembling rage. “I shouldn’t be angry.”

The fallen punching bags stare.

“But I didn’t know what to do with this anger. It only kept growing and- and it keeps growing inside of me, these thoughts, this scream in my throat,” Izuku spits out without much thought. “I’ve been hurt my entire life and I hate- I hate hurting people back, I hate wanting to hurt them, but I hate them, too, I hate-!” For a moment, he bites back the poisonous name, yet he can’t take it anymore, he’s tired of being silenced by the explosions.

“… I hate Kacchan. I hate that he always explodes me in the face, I hate that he used to go after other kids, too. He always explodes and hurts people, and he doesn’t give a shit.” Izuku’s tone is wet, soaked with weight. “He doesn’t give a shit about me, he still hurts me no matter what I do, and I’m sick of it. And god, all I want is to punch his fucking face and scream, because he never cared about making me cry or burning me at all, he- he doesn’t care! And I don’t know why I still do, why I even try to communicate with him! Nothing I do is enough for him!”

Izuku observes the multiple layers of old wood under his feet, each second finding new details, new splinters.

“This is why I don’t explode. Why I never burst out. I-I don’t want to hurt anyone… but I’m still so angry, Todoroki-kun. I’m only feeling worse than before.” The freckled teen pathetically dries his drowned face. “It’s like nothing is ever going to get better.”

The temperature is a bitter cold, despite the sun outside.

Izuku cries like that boy he’d known in Middle School, the one that would weep to himself in the shadows after getting burned on the face.

“W-What should I do?” He asks to no one.

It’s, again, a question without an answer.

Except…

His arms are taken by two hands that slowly pull up his sleeves, revealing the wounds from the hazard. The hands brush against his blistered skin as gently as possible. One hot, the other cold, but equally mindful.

“I think…” Todoroki whispers, “you need someone.”

Izuku’s face is close to the piercing gray and blue eyes, the ones who always read him… but not in judgment, he realizes. They read each sentence, each word of himself and take it to their heart, hopefully to come up with a meaningful response.

“Because then… who will protect you from the explosion?” Todoroki questions, his right hand reaching Izuku’s left.

The question is one he’s never considered. Izuku makes sure no one gets hurt, and maybe he’s successful at that, yet…

Todoroki’s face is close enough for their heads to touch, some of his red and white bangs touching Izuku’s forehead.

“It’s okay to be angry, Midoriya.”

“You’re… not mad at me?”

“Why would I be?”

“I don’t know,” Izuku gulps, “I feel… disgusting.”

“I understand. But you’re not disgusting. You were hurt.”

Izuku’s mouth quivers. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

Todoroki’s hands move from his arms to his shoulders, pulling him forward. Izuku shivers.

He’s…

Todoroki has never hugged him before.

Sure, they’ve gotten so far as friends. But after all this time, they’ve never touched each other; least of all Todoroki, who is, reasonably, a more reserved person.

The hug is far from awkward, nonetheless. It’s… good. Izuku has never been hugged like this. Even with the crime scene of his anger right there for Todoroki and everyone else to see… the red-and-white-haired boy chooses to hold him.

(After all, he’s also a boy. A boy afraid of his thoughts. Afraid while no one knows.)

Izuku returns the contact, his face somewhat under Todoroki’s chin.

“I’m sorry Bakugo is a piece of shit.” He adds quietly, “Well, more than he already is.”

That manages to attract a miserable laugh.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

Izuku hums, not up to protest as he melts in his touch. He could never have imagined Todoroki to be this… comfortable.

The permanent smell of smoke and dust does eventually bother him, so Izuku suggests, “Want to get out of here?”

“Sure.”

And they leave the gymnasium behind, hopefully their secret will be left alone.

Todoroki takes Izuku to a tree, the leaves green like the latter’s hair. There’s enough of a shadow to cover them from the sun, from the burning flames far away. Todoroki helps a little with the burns, his ice the most soothing Izuku has felt.

Until the sun sets, their hands are intertwined, scars only they know.

#tododeku #midoriya izuku #todoroki shoto #todoroki shouto #anti bakugou #fanfiction #my hero academia #lotus writes #abuse tw #bullying tw #vent fic

[strangerays]

Nothing in Particular Update #2

It’s the Nothing and Particular and Everything update part two: the electric booglaloo. This one is long, so strap in.

It’s been a while since I wrote an update for this story. To be honest, this one gave me a lot of stress, but here I am! Writing this story feels like it is going very slow. I keep telling myself I’ve made a lot of progress (which is true, I have) but for some reason it doesn’t feel like I have? This is likely just my own insecurity. To be frank, I can’t believe I’m still writing this story. If you had told me in February that I’d still be writing this when the weather got warm, I would have laughed.

I am SO excited that I will finally be able to focus on writing now that I’m out of school. I’m afraid to speak the rough deadline that I’ve given myself for this story (the end of August-early September) but now that I’ve spoken it into existence, I hope I can finish! (I hope I can stop watching dumb videogame playthroughs and listening to The Magnus Archives and get something done)

Here is a link to the story introduction and previous update!

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-); @wannabeauthorzofija @a-completely-normal-writer @baguettethebooklover​ @corkytheguar @writeherewaiting

STORY CHANGES/THOUGHTS/IDEAS: 

Here is a big one: I’ve been trying to write this story for myself. I started writing Ray’s story from a place that was personal to me, but I feel like, as that part of myself has begun to heal, I’ve started to think about what a reader would want out of the story. I’m realizing that this is my story so it has to be what I want. Drafts are drafts for a reason, so I’m going to try to get better at letting myself explore what is fun to me.

I always thought I was a discovery writer (I still sort of think I am) but as I’ve finished small sections of the story, I am finding that it’s very helpful to do a rough outline of scenes in upcoming chapters. (I also recommend turning to this if something doesn’t work and you need to retrace your steps!) Just helps me feel more organized!

Jude’s character has got to be one of the most difficult personalities I’ve ever written. Putting her beside Ray just makes it harder. Where Ray is secretive and keeps to herself, Jude is ready to unpack her entire life’s story to anyone. I find that I really have to slow down when writing their interactions. I know this is going to be nowhere near perfect in the first draft, but I think it is a main contributor to my slow writing.

I really like this little narrative I’ve created in the background of the main plot with Ray and Lonan. I love writing these scenes because it’s a way for me to use Lonan when he’s not actively with Ray and to show why Ray is predetermined about things at certain points. Also I love their friendship so much <3

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME on starting to read again because I forgot how much of a help reading other people’s stories can be when you’re struggling with your own oml

I now have a set timeline for the story! Takes place ~4-5 months.

I did that thing where you write a letter from the characters’ perspectives and that was kind of fun

Also just for fun I thought I’d add in that I spent an hour and a half last week filling up a page in my sketchbook with diagrams of the plot. It feels good to be a mad scientist

EXCERPTS UNDER THE CUT!

*At this point, I’m only sharing writing that I am really proud of in order not to spoil the story! This is because I am unsure whether I want to publish this story someday. With that said, that does NOT give you permission to steal my ideas!

CHAPTER: NIGHT CRIES

#1

In the last week of summer, I did everything I could to avoid post-vacation blues. I rode my bike along the gravel roads with no destination, wore my dark sunglasses to people-watch, and fed salami to the minnows that floated on the cusps of boulders. Usually, I sat still for so long that my elbows turned a deep shade of red and the blood in my toes buzzed.

New pockets seemed to open up in Point Blink every day. And with them, came new people. Most of them were older – a middle aged woman who caked her lipstick on, an uncle estranged from his brother, a couple who had miscarried. I hadn’t forgotten about the kids at Mothouse. It was impossible not to think about them. It wasn’t just that I’d never seen them before.

#2

The girl’s limp cigarette bled a trail of smoke that seeped into my Vans. My shirt folded like skin over my bed post. Haunted the room – foiled my mauve sheets and teased my locks. Swept the curtains apart and heated the oak floor. Beams of moonlight leapt to my bookcases; highlighted the posters from various podcasts and bands that I listened to. Wind whistled when I was too still. She forced me to look outside, onto the dark cul-de-sac lit by the reflections of forming rain puddles. No matter whether I sat at my desk or burrowed under my sheets, I felt out of place. She made my bedroom louder. She made my bedroom quieter.

I decided it would probably be best if I never saw her again.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about writing this chapter because it was over a month ago (sorry) but I’m still quite happy with the prose! This comes in after Ray sees Jude for the first time at Mothouse. Based on a first impression, decides that she might want be friends with Jude.

CHAPTER: SORRY

#1 

If you spend any long amount of time with someone, you’ll become a thief to their behaviors. If I stared long enough, trees began to replace all of the people we’d ever seen. Oaks had roots that serpentined the ground like children splashing in the bay, pines with needles like spindly old hands, maples with hollows like watchful eyes – all things Lonan had taught me to observe.

CHAPTER: GHOSTS

Then there was the sea – violent and knowing as it romped within bays and alcoves. She had eaten me many times before, both my father and Lonan too. Gulped them as if they were shining plastic wrappings left behind after a meal. I spited her for inviting me once again. I reached up again to grapple with the next rung. It twisted and offered a low whistle.

In these two chapters, Ray is on a photography trip with her class. This is the first time she’s been on this annual trip without Lonan. She left that morning with a goal of being independent and learning to get on with one of the only people she has felt close to. I realize now that the Ghost excerpt sort of sounds like her dad and Lonan have drowned?? Which was not my intention??

CHAPTER: A DIVINE INTERVENTION

#1

“Do you believe in ghosts?” A raspy voice teased from behind me. Cigarette smoke tickled the words, like they were stuck together with jelly inside of her. The question wasn’t particularly calming, but it strengthened my grip on reality. As if the foiled leaves, bark, and dandelions had sprung from the ground and begun to float, they came crashing back down.

I was made of stone.

“I’m not a ghost,” Jude said. “If I was, a ladder would be a pretty counteractive way to outrun me. I could just float up there and haunt you.”

“Maybe you’re a ghost,” she asked, her voice distant.

I shifted my grasp up and down the sides of the ladder. “What?”

“Don’t you believe in ghosts?”

I was reading back some of Ray and Jude’s conversation and there are so many snippets of dialogue that make me laugh because I totally forgot I wrote them... but UGhhH I don’t know if I want to share them because I don’t know whether or not I want to try and publish the story someday. Speaking of that, it’s sort of because it’s so personal to me? I don’t know (this is for future me to pursue) Honestly though, reading these back has made me really happy :)

#2

I wanted to shake her by the shoulders. She acted as though Point Blink could breathe – as though corpses in the cemetery might pull the grass away like dead skin, neighbors would draw blades, and blood-salt would stain her clothes rather than that from the sea. “Trust me, they’ll forgive you. But, I’m just saying, most people around here don’t care nearly as much as you think so. Most of them are way older anyways, so they’re tired of us.”

“Is that you complimenting yourself?” Jude asked.

“Not intentionally,” I said, “but I will take it.”

She laughed. “You shouldn’t be so nice to strangers.”

I wasn’t trying to be. I just didn’t think I wanted her to dislike me.

#3

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing or a good thing,” Jude said. “Being good gets you tucked into a thousand different memories. Being good makes you live a lifetime.”

I almost laughed, but then I wondered what I was to her now. “I don’t talk to lots of people.”

“Sometimes there aren’t many people to talk to. But I thought you would have loads of friends.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I thought you would too.”

Alarm like grief lit her eyes, but she laughed. I did too.

“You hardly know me,” she said quietly.

Then the girls explore some old newspapers and letters in a fire tower! Spooky fun!

CHAPTER: YOU LET THIS HAPPEN

This isn’t a major spoiler as it’s literally in the blurb I wrote, but Ray and Jude are caught (targeted..??)  in a fire. Ray is brought back to a field where she is questioned.

CHAPTER: NOTHING HAPPENS

He was quiet for several moments while he painted a picture with what little details I had given him, then said, “It’s unfair. I think that’s why it hurts.”

“Because we almost got hurt?”

“No. Because it came true.”

His gentle, ragged voice made me think I could tell him anything. Sometimes, I think that, even then, he knew I left something out.

Ray talks to Lonan after the fire... She’s being a bit dishonest about what actually happened.

CHAPTER: WHY NOT

I remember how the barest amount of red light glared across Lonan’s entire scalp and washed his boyish curls magenta from the roots out. When Jude leaned back on the counter, she melded into the darkness.

This chapter is just part of the narrative that I created with Ray and Lonan’s friendship. There isn’t much I want to spoil from it, but I liked this paragraph!

CHAPTER: INEVITABLE

“We didn’t do anything,” I said.        

“Someone did. Why won’t you believe me?”

 “I think I would remember whether or not someone was there with us,” I said, “even if we didn’t have the picture.”

This was untrue. I hung lots of photos in my room. A long time would pass before I went to a restaurant again, or a specific coven on one of the beaches, or an outfit that I wore, and I would look into one of my pictures and remember it, and then I would be quite angry with myself that I had almost forgotten that thing forever.

“I don’t think you understand what I mean,” Jude said. I didn’t like the way she’d lowered her voice. She sounded different every time I saw her. She reached out her arm so our photos were side by side and our fingers were almost touching. “I don’t think you want to.”

Ray finds herself alone in the school’s dark room with Jude. Based on the contents of one of her photos, she tries to convince Ray that there is more to the fire than what meets the eye.

CHAPTER: (this one is untitled)

I didn’t mind that he followed me everywhere. Even when he was quiet, I didn’t find it strange to be around him. We sat silently through films and went on walks. Once, he had fallen asleep while watching The Iron Giant in my bed. I didn’t know if I should wake him up once it ended. I tried not to stare at him. He’d rolled onto his side and bundled himself in one of my blankets covered in stars up to his shoulders so only his small face poked out like a baby owl’s. His soft breath messed his dirty gold coils. They were at their longest. Except for the ebbing light from a candle on my desk, my house was asleep – Lonan needed to go home.

For the first time, I wondered if anyone cared where he was.

Another small part of the little friendship narrative! (This really is the part of the story where I get nostalgic for my childhood, isn’t it) Ray starts to discover more about Lonan’s home life in this part of the story, but there’s not much that I think I want to reveal about that for now.

CHAPTER: THE CRUX OF IT

Why did I feel so paranoid? I found myself staring out the window, into the film of blue that the late sun shown onto the grass and trying to remember what summer felt like.

My main problem was that I didn’t know how to talk to Jude unless it was about Sugarfell. I ran from the hush of cigarette smoke behind closing doors and heard her loud voice in conversations. Even though there might have still been a part of me that wanted to be friends with her, I didn’t have much to base that feeling off of. I could have spent hours clicking the little pieces of her that I had together, but the crux of it was that I would never know Jude unless I forced myself to.

For some reason, that really scared me.

I spent all week trying to think of what to say to her. By Friday afternoon, I still had nothing.

I left off writing with Ray actively avoiding Jude’s little investigation into the arsonist. Ray doesn’t want to be involved in this because she feels that it will throw her sense of normalcy off course. She really just wants to learn how to adapt to a life without her best friend. (It doesn’t help that she’s got fresh trauma)

What will Ray decide? I don’t know. We shall see. (just kidding I know)

Sorry this update was longer! I think I would like to start updating more often than once a month just because they would be shorter and those of you reading this won’t forget what happened in the last update. There are thousands and thousands of words that didn’t show up in this update because - like I said - I don’t know whether I want to publish this story ever?? I’ll probably talk more about this in a separate update.

Thank you so much to those of you who read about my story! I hope you enjoy it!

:)

p.s. btw I now have a myWriteClub account! You can check it out here and stalk me as I tragically fail my writing goals!

#ffs writing this update was like throwing a boulder into a lake #there was so much I wanted to share #it's really difficult to decide what to share as sometimes a paragraph that I'm really proud of will be really spoilery #I can only imagine this will be more and more difficult as I get further into the story #ANYWAYS #I feel like I'm really beginning to see who my characters are <3 #I feel like a proud mother #To be honest #I kind of hated Jude in the beginning #but now I feel like Ray hates her too so that makes me like her #haha im so mean #tune in next time for a Sapphic spy date

[vhsrights]

Only Losing You Matters

Only Losing You Matters

A jemily first kiss story, based off of the Minimal Loss timeline

for @top-jj-rights  :) ily jame

WC: 1956

“I can take it.”

“I can take it.”

Maybe Emily could, but JJ couldn't. Hearing each blow against the agent flipped her stomach. She was nearly in a mind of her own, but there were other things to think of.

First off, this was an entire covert operation and any rash decisions on her part would further endanger Emily, let alone exposing Spencer as well. Second, she was pregnant, thanks to the imbecilic detective that had done that to her. JJ knew that her feelings against him were over-exaggerated, but she couldn’t help it. It had felt like his every move was actively against what she wanted, solely for his comfort. That didn’t do well to add on to the fact that he had told the team about her pregnancy and that she had a generally strong disliking towards most men. The thoughts fell to the background of her mind as she once more focused on where she was.

The crash of what sounded like broken glass made her throw the headphones down. Why the hell was she so irresponsible? What made Emily think that she could just toy around with her own life like that? How dare she? JJ had a thousand words in her head to throw at Emily. Some were more emphatic than others but she couldn’t help it. The only thing that mattered was Emily. She needed the woman safe again, in her arms, and this situation made it seem impossible.

Eventually, the sound from Emily’s side of the mic died down. They heard her get moved to her room, kept alone. JJ almost let out a sigh of relief. Almost. Hearing the door to Emily’s room open caught her breath in her throat. They were no strangers to cases like this and she understood that Cyrus had virtually no limits. The soft, nurturing sound of an older woman’s voice through the mic was the closest to relief that she had felt in hours.

They made much haste in relaying their signal to rescue Emily after the woman had gone. Once Emily had confirmed her side of things, all they could do was wait. Unfortunately, that was not something that JJ had always been adept at doing. The woman paced frantically, her eyes shifting, and hands hurriedly tangling and detangling. She checked her watch over and over again, willing the needles on the timepiece to approach 3 AM faster.

When the time showed 3 AM, it was time. They were ready to free the compound and save their agents. JJ’s heart beat in her throat. What if they didn’t find Emily? What if she had been moved? What if they hadn’t accounted for one of Cyrus’ contingencies? What if JJ lost Emily?

What if, JJ lost Emily?

The question bounced around her in head unanswered. JJ had the answer but didn’t dare voice or think it. That would shatter her heart beyond repair. She wouldn’t be able to take care of herself, let alone the baby that she had on the way. Not without Emily. Emily had always had her back, supporting her no questions asked. Emily had always held her hand and kept JJ’s head up high, reminding the blonde: she was right at her side. That was what JJ had loved about her since day 1.

Love. Of course, it had to be love. JJ had fallen for her best friend, the woman who deserved the world in her hands, knowing that she would never get it back. Some days she cursed herself for it. Other days, she could do nothing more than to marvel at Emily and the woman she was.

Once more, JJ was ripped from her internal war. The compound that they had been watching, that had been harboring Emily, burst into flames. People slowly emerged from the spreading embers that kept the flame ablaze. All JJ could think of was Emily. She only needed Emily in that moment, forgetting the rest of her team and responsibilities. JJ prayed to whatever higher power she could imagine. To simply bring her Emily back to her. She couldn’t go on without her, not like this and not ever. The blonde screamed out for Emily.

She screamed and searched. She went as close to the compound as she could. JJ felt the crushing weight of futility begin to sink onto her shoulders.

What if she had failed?

The woman had no more time to speculate before Emily emerged from the cinders. Her arms were wrapped around a woman that was begging to go back in. Emily’s clothes were ragged, her body littered with injuries, and her gait was reduced to a supported limp. JJ had heard the screams of the compound members when the fire first erupted. However, now, with Emily in her sight, nothing else registered. JJ ran as fast as her legs allowed towards the brunette. She just needed confirmation that Emily was okay.

She needed to feel the breaths that Emily took in. She needed to feel the woman’s heartbeat against her damaged skin. She needed any inkling of hope that things would be okay. She needed to know that she wasn’t dreaming.

Their bodies collided and JJ could have sworn that the universe shifted. The blonde had Emily in her arms, alive and breathing. Her grip tightened around Emily, never wanting to let go. JJ could feel the life in the agent and the plethora of adrenaline-fueled insults surged through her head again.

“Please don’t ever be that stupid again.” The words escaped JJ’s lips with a shudder.

“I can’t promise that.”

Even having just gone through brutal events, Emily made time to quip. JJ simply rolled her eyes and squeezed the woman harder. She could give her a piece of her mind later. The women stood in the locked embrace for longer than either cared to count. Eventually, Derek broke them up to get Emily medically checked out but JJ stuck to her side.

JJ stayed by her side for the rest of the day. She drove them back to the hotel, mulling over what she could say to the woman that rested in the passenger seat. Her anger was beginning to bubble up again. It was purely out of worry and care for Emily, but she wondered if the brunette would ever understand.

JJ looked over to Emily again, gently resting her hand on top of hers. She couldn’t hold it but the position gave her enough solace in the moment itself. Emily barely stirred in her seat, catching up on the restless hours that she had spent in the compound cot.

They were able to get up to their shared room without any more chaos or mishaps. However, once the door closed behind them, JJ’s anger had other ideas. Words came out of JJ’s mouth before she could stop, think, or even process where her head was at.

“Why are you such an idiot? Huh?” She spoke harshly, with her back turned to Emily, undoing her things. “Can you please tell me that it’s not just for kicks?”

“Excuse me?” Emily stood baffled at JJ’s outburst, still partially disoriented.

“I don’t know. It’s like you have some kind of tendency to always just headfirst into fire without a second thought.” JJ had turned to face her best friend now, the concern and anger clear as day on her face.

“Jen, I was just doing that to protect Reid. You guys didn’t hear it but he cocked a gun to Spence’s head. What else was I supposed to do?!” Emily’s voice rose at the end of the sentence, sending JJ an unspoken invitation to do the same

“Talk Cyrus down! Isn’t that what you do as a profiler?! Right now, as bad as it sounds, I don’t even care about Reid!” JJ’s words were loud and clipped. They had no hesitation in delivering her harsh message. “The only thing that ever mattered to me was losing you!”

“JJ, that isn’t always an option! I tried, but neither of us would have made it out of there alive!” Emily slammed the clothes in her hand down on the bed.

She truly couldn’t believe what JJ was saying. When she was taking the beating by Cyrus and splayed out in her compound cot, JJ was the only thing on her mind. She had been the main thing on her mind since she met the woman. The woman was Emily’s only place of solace, regardless of the fact that she thought it would never be returned.

“God damn it, Emily! Can’t you see what I’m trying to tell you?! Don’t you understand that I can not go on without you? Don’t you see that you are my home? How can you not see that I need you with me? When will you get it through your thick skull, that you’re the only one I want? How can I make you understand that I can’t do this without out you? What magical words do I have to say? HUH?!”

The words had shocked Emily. She truly hadn’t expected such a visceral reaction from the blonde. Then, JJ words sunk in. You’re the only one I want. Emily couldn’t tell if it was intentional or simply a Freudian slip. Either way, the message JJ was sending couldn’t be what she thought it was.

JJ would never have feelings for someone like her. After all, she was damaged and messed things up. Today was the proof for that. Emily could barely hear the rest of what JJ said. She just wanted to retract away.

JJ watched the brunette slowly retreat into herself. The harsh words came to a stop and all of the feelings rose. To this day, JJ can’t tell whether it was some kind of invisible push or the weight of her emotions that drove to the other woman. She likes to believe it was the universe pulling them together when they clearly needed each other.

She took long, hurried strides to reach Emily. Nothing else was making sense in the moment. There had to be some way to get Emily to stay with her at that moment. That was when she felt some sort of electricity buzz through her body. The blonde jumped forward and grabbed Emily’s lips with her own. That was good enough to bring Emily out of her trance.

At first, Emily didn’t register what was happening. She thought she was dreaming. Then, when JJ’s hands wrapped around her waist, she knew it was anything but that. She pushed back into the kiss with the force that she had been met. The women stood for a solid minute, lip locked.

Her lips are soft and taste sweet.

Her lips are rough but they feel like home.

They finally pulled back, entranced, and simply looked at each other. However, this wasn’t simply watching the other’s features. The two saw what each other was, how they were, and what the two of them could be. Emily was the first to smile which led to the women laughing out of relief.

“Don’t scare me like that again, Em. I’m not joking. The only thing that matters to me is losing you.”

She spoke again before Emily could ask the question she knew was lingering in her mind.

“I broke up with Will that night in New York. I couldn’t stand him and I was also infatuated with someone else. So what do you say, wanna take a try at us?”

Emily wrapped her arms around the blonde and looked from her to her pregnant belly. A smile that shined bright enough to light the world came to her face.

“Absolutely. I would be more than honored to.”

#mc thinking hours #writing #jemily #minimal loss #prompts #mc content hours

[the-sunshine-dims]

amnesia rewrite! (chapter 4)

ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 5 | ch 6 | ch 7 | ch 8 |

original fic

words: 2043

ao3

contents and warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, amnesia, kid!janus, Janus finally gets a hug himself, fluff,

____

Roman couldn’t help but exhale a breath as he finished up explaining the situation to Remus and Virgil, “Any questions?” 

To his relief, no one said anything, Virgil just shrugging at the question. He counted that as a small victory, especially since he was awful at explaining the answers to most questions, actually, why did he keep getting posted at the task of telling people when he was so bad at it? both Patton and Logan would be better at it than him, he was sure of it.

His train of thought came to a halt when Remus spoke up abruptly, his voice both more steady and more serious than Roman’s ever heard it “if that’s the situation then I think I need to stay away from him if J-J started sobbing when he found out the old king-y dude was all-'' he made a slicing of his neck motion along with the noise to go with it -“then I can’t imagine what his reaction would be if my thoughts voiced themselves like they usually do, while around him. So unless he actually asks for me,  which I don’t think’ll happen, I’ll just hang out in the dark side, ooh! and I can experiment with the stuff that got banned for melting the floors! I wonder what would happen if I put it in cupcakes-“ he giggled maniacally to himself at the realization no one would be there to supervise him.

Roman cut him off, “I think for the most part your right, I don’t know how much he can handle right now, and we don’t want to overwhelm him, so yeah okay, Though I’ll make sure they’ll be someone to check on you so your not completely to your own devices because I imagine Janus wouldn’t want his room smelling like chemicals and.. whatever else you use for your... art projects.” He told him, ignoring the last bit of what Remus said. Honestly Roman was kind of proud of his brother, he was a lot more caring and considerate than he let on.

he gave him a small smile before quietly going “I’m glad Janus has you as a friend, you care about him.”

Remus rolled his eyes like a petulant teenager, it wasn’t like he was doing something super amazing for Janus Afterall, he was just being a generally decent person, he knew his presence might hurt Janus currently so he wasn’t actively going to be around him for a minute and sure yeah he cared about him but he cared for the sentiment slime goop in his room too so it wasn’t that big a deal.

As Roman and Remus continued their conversation Virgil slipped out of the room silently, unnoticed. not offering a reason for leaving.

____

Janus walked down the corridor, fingers brushing against the walls, feeling the textures, every now and then the paint changed into a different color, he would guess it was Morality and Roman’s doing since it often went from soft light blues to vibrant reds, making only small breaks to show swirly designs in purples and dark blues. he liked to feel how the different paint changed the texture, even ever so slightly, it was kinda cool to him, and it was something to do while Roman and the others were busy-

Ow

he reeled back immediately as soon as he felt his face slam into someone, luckily it didn't hurt much as the crash was cushioned with soft fabric, regardless though embarrassment still curled up and made itself at home in the pit of his stomach as the realization of he ran into someone finally dawned on him.

After the initial shock subsided, he just started apologizing profusely “I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry!! I didn’t mean to run into you! Are you- are you okay?” He asked as he finally looked up to see who the side he ran into was,

Their face was pale and freckle-clad and.. he knew him!

He gasped excitedly as he began giddily clapping his hands “wait! Hi!! Anxiety I remember you!” He grinned, ignoring how anxiety still hadn’t spoken up, he used to be very quiet so maybe he’s just still like that, either way, he continued “actually Wait- I remember you with a different jacket.. but! I like this one. It's cool!! I like the purple patches!- oh!! Also, guess what! morality and Logic have names! Isn’t that cool?” 

Virgil shrugged and Janus took that as an invitation to continue. 

“Do you have a name too? I bet if you do it’s cool! Like Ummm… uh- what’s a cool name?” He pondered aloud, not able to think of anything besides names like thor-Bonecrusher or other stuff of that variety.

Anxiety once again shrugged and Janus accepted that well enough; maybe anxiety just didn’t have a name, so Janus didn’t push, but he did continue chattering on happily enough. 

At some point, Virgil started to continue walking, if slowly, down the hallway, to where he was trying to go originally, Janus immediately following him like an excited golden retriever puppy as he talked about.. hell knows what, Virgil couldn’t keep track. But regardless of that, honestly, Virgil didn’t think he minded Janus’s presence as much as he thought he would, he was fully willing to just avoid him when He left the conversation with Roman and Remus, not because he would accidentally harm Janus like Remus- well he might Virgil.. tended to be way to blunt but sometimes with things that annoy him, and earlier he was pretty certain Janus would only annoy him, hell, earlier all he wanted to do was avoid Janus because he knew he was still Janus and quite honestly he didn’t want to deal with Janus.

Though honestly Janus himself, while kind of annoying and overdramatic, wasn’t.. awful, like Virgil pretended he was, he inwardly sighed before just ignoring that specific train of thought, something he was actually pretty accustomed and successful at doing.  

As he got around to tuning back into what Janus was doing all he heard silence, which given any other time he may have been happy for But this silence is almost.. somber? He looked over quickly and found Janus looking at the floor as he walked, though much slower than before, hell now he was actually walking a distance behind Virgil.

He was already looking at Janus but he could only double-take as he heard a small voice go “I’m sorry…” it trailing off after a minute before continuing, obviously unsure of what it had done wrong but assuming it’d done something “I- I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry! I don’t wanna be mean I promise! If you just tell me what I did I won’t do it again I promise! I’ll be nice! I- ‘m sorry.. ’m sorry..” his voice cracked and got smaller as he wrung his hands nervously.

And Virgil could only quietly go “shit I messed up.” because he could recognize the signs as much as anyone that Janus was halfway to spiraling, and honestly, Virgil couldn’t blame him after all they were walking a very long 15 minutes because somehow the hallway went on forever, and Virgil doesn’t know 90% of what Janus said because he just stopped listening and on top of that he hadn’t even spoken a word to the kid-  and that was weird to think of him as a kid, but he was, he was an impressionable, anxious kid who desperately wanted other people to like him, and that on top of anything meant he probably thought Virgil was just ignoring him for something he didn’t even remember doing.

And he could only panic quickly as Janus’s eyes remained dead set on the floor, and he didn’t know if Janus was trying to disappear into it or if it was him trying to hide the fact his eyes were starting to get glossy with unshed tears because he wholeheartedly thought Virgil hated him- and oh fuck he really did fuck up. 

He tried to think of what Patton did to comfort him and in an act of pure panic brain, he scooped him up in a secure hug and hoped that would help. 

The result was Janus going almost limp before starting to dry hiccup as he tried to force the tears away after a moment he just confusedly went “but- but you didn’t wanna talk to me And you were ignoring me and you looked really annoyed and-“ he started wiggling from Virgil’s hold “no- wait don’t worry you don’t have to be nice to me if you don’t like me- I promise you don’t have to!” He rushed in telling him, trying to scramble so he wasn’t leaning on Virgil and Jesus this was almost as bad as when they all went to Virgil’s room with how anxious Janus was, he could practically feel the anxiety radiating off.

And he realized he really did have to actually talk to Janus, he wasn’t gonna get less anxious just by getting a hug, Virgil wasn’t Patton he didn’t have that magical ability, so he loosened his hold on Janus just enough to get Janus to stop trying to accidentally on purpose fall onto the floor before just going “I don’t dislike you,” and just those words alone made Janus go completely still, so Virgil continued “and I didn’t mean to Ignore you I just got lost in thought, though that’s definitely not an excuse, because even if I didn’t mean to I did, but the important part is i- I like you,” he told him, not confidently, because while he knew he would be lying if he said he disliked him he didn’t have enough time to sort through his emotions to confidently say he liked him.

But regardless of how uncertain Virgil sounded, Janus still looked up at him with eyes so filled with hesitance but also soft gentle hope as he shakily went “promise? No lies?”

Virgil offered a small smile, “promise, no lies.”  He repeated and Janus barreled into him in a hug, 

And As Virgil wrapped his arms around the shortest side for the second time in five minutes which has got to be some kind of record- he realized hey he was a lot better at this whole comforting thing than he thought he would be, which wasn’t really saying a lot but hey. 

After a while of just standing there, the awkwardness and strain of standing still in a random hallway motivated Janus to unwrap his arms from around Virgil and retrieve his face from his being buried in Virgil’s chest. 

And that only made it more awkward because now they were both just standing in the hallway literally just staring at each other.

So Janus, deciding he hated when stuff was awkward just went “do you know anything fun to do? I’m bored and morality and Logic and Roman are all busy.”

Virgil visibly thought to himself about options before going “are you in a movie mood or music mood? Or if you’re in none of them we might just have to kidnap Roman and see if he has ideas.”

Janus hummed before just happily going “I like music!” practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Virgil smiled before he got an idea, “do you like my chemical romance?” He asked and Janus seemed confused at what that was but eventually decided if Virgil liked it then Janus will like it too, so Janus just nodded in reply and just Virgil grinned.

——

Later Logan had to ask them to quiet down because he needed to work and couldn’t focus and he was almost certain that they were gonna damage their eardrums since he could hear the loud shouts of the lyrics coming from the speakers while in the kitchen, though, even if he failed at getting them to turn it down he was glad they were getting along, Janus was practically bouncing with how gleeful he was, even Virgil had a small smile on his face, so logan supposed even if later they had headaches from the blasting music as long as they were still happy it would be okay in the long run.

#ts virgil #ts remus #ts janus #ts roman #roman sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides writing #tss fic #amnesia #hurt/comfort #i support the freckle virgil agenda even if i only show it in small bits #amnesia rewrite #the cold one writes #sanders sides remus #sanders sides janus #sanders sides roman #sanders sides virgil #tss writing #fanfic

[voidcat]

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Characters: Matsukawa Issei/Reader

requested by anon, prompt 9

Warnings: reckless drinking, dont drink the amount you cant handle kids, esp if you’re not supervised by someone you trust

Word Count: 2.3k , this was supposed to bE SHORT, seijoh brainrot........

It’s loud, too loud. If they weren’t in your head, you’re sure you wouldn’t be able to hear your thoughts. Is that what people listen to as music nowadays?

The flashy lights all around and people keep bumping into you, you remember once again why you’re not the party type. Which brings the question: what are you doing at one?

See, the answer to it is quite simple, really. Maybe a little sad too, even pathetic. You’re beyond caring for the night. You’ve gone to a party, can it get any lower than that? What a waste of night, is the only thing you can say to yourself.

Placing the untouched cup in your hand to the counter, you look around to find the bathroom. Exiting the kitchen is a nice first step. The blur of bodies only make your task more difficult. Getting tired of people bumping into you, you start shouldering the ones not moving, crashing into people if they refuse to make way, expecting you to go through the five centimeter long gap.

And at long last, you find what you were looking for. Checking to see no one else is in, you lock the door behind you and turn on the tap. Splashing some cold water to your cheeks, careful not to mess with your make up, you take a look at yourself in the mirror. Why did you let him drag you into this in the first place?

Or better yet, why do you keep following wherever Matsukawa Issei takes you, never saying no, never refusing the puppy looks, always right by his side... why do you keep doing this to yourself? Since when have you gotten so weak towards him, for him?

Exiting the bathroom and spotting him in the distance, you recall earlier today. It was just a usual hangout, nothing special. Typical grabbing a lunch together and procrastinating when the reason you met in the first place was studying. Thirty minutes of silence, finally finding your focus fully on your text book and you jolt up suddenly at the contact you feel by your waist. Looking to your right and seeing his pen hanging by your waist, ready to poke again if necessary, you just rub your side.

“What, Issei?”

“There’s a party tonight, starting around 8. Would you like to go with me?” Oh, this again. Another hopeless party invitation. He never seems to give up, though knowing how much you dislike the parties. One party couldn’t hurt, right? You can’t help but admit to yourself how curious you are to see him at one. So you just shrug. “Sure, pick me up by 7 if we want grab dinner beforehand.”

“Look I know you don’t like the- Wait, really? Are you sure?” The caught off-guard look suits him.

“Yeah, I mean I kept saying no but it’s time I expand my… extra curriculum activities.” He grabs you by the shoulders.

“Who are you and what have you done to (Lastname)? They would never accept an offer from me that easily.” You can’t help but laugh at his dramatic antic. Pushing his hands off you, holding the said hand while you can, you roll your eyes again.

“I am fine. Can’t I be the supportive friend for once?”

“Oh but please! You always are the supportive one.” He says as he wraps you in a big hug. It’s moments like these when you feel your breathe hitched, heart racing and brain imagining a scenario you’ll never get to live.

As you eagerly make your way to him, the figures in your way make way and you see he’s not alone. Some girl talking to him, if eyeing someone like that and touching their muscles nonstop can be count as talking, not to mention leaning over him on a constant. What’s worse is he doesn’t look bothered slightest bit. Can you blame him, though? You’re sure it’s not the first time she has approached him, she hangs around the gym sometimes, walks up to him after their shared classes, she’s clearly interested and makes no effort in hiding it.

She is beautiful, no straight man, or lesbian or bisexual, in their right mind would ignore someone such as her. And yet you can’t help but feel jealous. Jealous that you have no chance of competition, no chance of winning, no such luck in being seen as “‘more than just a friend”. Changing your direction suddenly, you walk back up to the kitchen and grab the first untouched cup you see. Searching for a bottle of alcohol next, you don’t care what it is as long as it is alcohol, you pour it down until your cup is filled to the brim.

Looking outside, you can see them again. Issei smiling and looking as breathtaking as ever, it hurts that the smile is for her. You down the whole cup before you can register what you’re doing. The party is just getting started, you better get into the mood.

After a while it gets fuzzy. You lost count of the drinks you’ve had, the shots you’ve taken too. You’re glad to have eaten before the party at least, the alcohol won’t hit as hard.

Maybe it’s already hit? You’re not sure, you feel warm and bubbly but you still walk just fine. Walking up to people and joining the conversations randomly, leaving as quickly once you’re bored, you walk around and around and around...

It must be late, is it late? You try checking your watch but you can’t make sense of the little circle plastered on your wrist, it seems too tiny.

At some point, you’re singing along to a song you know. And making the most absurd dance moves to it. It doesn’t matter, everyone else around is drunk as hell, looking more ridiculous than you are, moves not even making any sense. It makes all the crashing more understandable, it’s good to just move around and not apologize once. To let some steam off, get loose and do whatever the hell you like.

Except it isn’t as good because one thing you truly want in that moment and you don’t even know the room he is in. Maybe you should have another drink just in case and decide to cross the line from tipsy to drunk. It’d be good to forget about tonight once you wake up.

Making a 180 to go back to the kitchen for another drink, you crash into something warm, someone. Probably a chest. Feeling warm hands on your shoulders adjusting you, to keep your balance, you don’t even look up. Waving your hand in the air, you shout out an apology.

“(Name)? Is that you? I’ve been looking all over for you!” Hearing your name come out of someone’s lips is unexpected, but recognizing the voice makes all the fuzziness go away in a second. You make a mental note to name it the “Issei effect” if you ever come up with a hangover elixir of sorts.

“Hiiii Mattsun.” Hearing yourself speak feels weird, especially if you have no idea if your lips are actually moving. “I’ve been here this whole time! Was about to go get a drink, want some?” You can imagine the worried look on him, so you keep your gaze focused on his tshirt. What was that color called anyway?

“Are you sure you’re alright? We can leave if you wa-“ he stops mid-sentence to examine you from head to toes. “Have you been drinking?”

The tone in his voice indicates, it’s wiser not to answer him. Your mouth decides otherwise. “Maybeee.”

“But you hate alcohol! And you’re a lightweight!”

“Nope!” You pop the ‘p’ as you reply. “Had a change of heart! I like new stuff now! Maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought.” Crossing your arms, you look to your left. “Hah, lightweight!” You mumble.

“I mean it. If you want to leave, we can. When I asked you to come, I didn’t do it so we could get separated. I just wanted to spend some time with my friend.”

Ouch. That word sure hurts. More than the movies and books can even tell. You suddenly feel sick, stomach empty and deadweight.

“M’kay, let’s leave.” You say softly.  Seeing the smile rise like the sun on his face, you can feel butterflies in your stomach. Truly feel it. The term no longer sounds ridiculous when it becomes real for you.

“Okay. Let me just grab by jacket and we’ll be out in a minute. Wait by the door if you want, it’s whiter there.” He says and leaves in a hurry.

Making your way to the door in slow steps, you reach it in no time. When you look back at the apartment, all the people partying seem so irritating to you. It’s hard to believe you were just like them a while ago. Eyes trailing the crowd, you see Issei again, a smile making way to your lips, almost on instinct now.

It dies out before it can bloom.

Because there she is, again, and he is still smiling at her and nodding and talking and suddenly all the hurry he made to find his jacket seems like it was not to make you not wait, but to get to her quickly.

Looking to the hall, you spot a tall boy holding a bottle of what you hope is booze. Grabbing it with a “Sorry, emergency.” You take a big gulp of the bottle. To hell with staying tipsy.

God, is that how plain vodka tastes? The Russians must be out of their minds. And yet, you keep taking gulp after gulp, sip after sip and open the door to escape the suffocating party air.

If Issei wants to find you so badly, he must know how to do it.

Walking a bit and sitting in the pavement, your head drops to your knees, bottle still in one hand. You’re not sure how long it has been since you arrived.

Hearing footsteps coming closer to you and coming to a stop right by your side, you look up to find an angry Issei. Arms crossed, he’s looking down at you, trying to look as mad as he can but worry painted in his eyes. It hurts how well you know him sometimes.

“So?” You make no noise.

“Care to explain?” He’s tapping his foot this time, probably to get your attention. You grunt in response.

“Do Not grunt at me young lady. I am only asking because I am worried, can’t you see!” Voice raised, you realize you’ve never heard him raise his voice, not at you.

“Maybe I don’t want you to worry about me! Or maybe I do but not like this! Have you thought about it?” You snap.

“What’s that supposed to mean?-“ not waiting for him to finish his words, you stand up fast, stumble for a mini second in the process, the bottle gripped tighter, and you start walking away.

“Hey! Where do you think you’re going?” He calls our behind you, walking after you.

“Away from you! Leave me alone Mattsun.” You yell back, quickening your steps. Damn his height and tall legs because he catches up to you in no time and grabs your wrist, trying to stop you from going any further.

You expect a “fine.” And a “no.” And maybe a “stop being so childish and talk to me.” But not a “Why are you calling me that?”

The softness in his voice catches you off guard. You stop and turn to look at him, your wrist already free of his grasp. “Calling you what?”

“You never call me Mattsun. It’s always Issei. Did I do something wrong?” You don’t meet his gaze.

Maybe it’s the hurt in his words, the sadness in his eyes or the alcohol in your blood. When you look up to meet his gaze, you’re certain you see something die. “I don’t want to talk about it.” You gather enough energy to say the words.

“Why now? We’ve never hold back anything from one another.” You turn your head at his words again. This is exactly why you don’t want to talk. Hearing a sigh behind you, he clears his throat. Probably one last try, you’re determined to keep your stance.

“Look, whatever it is, please tell me. Maybe you’re drunk and happen to be the unfiltered honest kind. You may as well not be drunk at all and honestly this is a lot of better. But please give me a reason, an explanation and if it’s so bad or awkward, we won’t talk about it in the morning and pretend we were both drunk. How does that sound?” The offer itself sounds ideal and he, hopeful. You nod your head as you sit down on the pavement, the bottle now in your lap. Following your cue, he sits next to you.

The words are a mumble of incoherent sounds. You can sense him leaning towards you, considering to say your next words loudly, just to irritate him, you decide against it.

“I don’t want you to worry about me as a friend.” You say. He looks confused. Silencing him with your finger before he can say anything, you continue. “I want you to see me in a different light for once. I am sick of the back and forth dance we keep having.”

He stares at you for what feels like forever. Followed by laughter. It only gets louder.

“Stop- Stop that! Are you… laughing at my feelings?” You make no effort in hiding the disappointment in your tone.

“No! It’s just- I- I’ve been thinking of the same thing for too long. I can’t believe we were both so blind.” Words interrupted by occasional chuckles, he seems happy, glowing even. You throw yourself at him, arms around his neck.

He speaks to your head next: “If you hadn’t been drinking, I’d even kiss you right now b-“

“Do it then. I am not drunk.” You whisper to his chest.

He kisses the top of your head. “Tomorrow, I promise. For now, let’s get you home.”

#matsukawa issei #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #matsukawa issei x reader #matsukawa issei x you #gender neutral reader #reader insert #fluff #haikyuu fluff #hq matsukawa #mattsun x reader #mattsun x you #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu scenario #matsukawa issei fanfiction #oneshot #mattsun oneshot #mattsun fluff #haikyuu!! fluff #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! x you #haikyu scenarios #haikyuu scenarios #matsukawa headcanons #haikyuu mattsun #haikyuu matsukawa #hq mattsun #mattsun imagines

[wordsfromthesol]

Mixed Signals

Author: @wordsfromthesol​ Taglist: @lana-king @marvelfreakbrynnlee​ Pairing: Older!Damian x Reader Summary:  *cough* read the request pictured below *cough* Warnings: Violence, cursing, the good stuff Word Count: 2k A/N: Quarantine requests have begun! I’m going to try and post a little more frequently during this time so ya’ll have some new content while you’re bored (my work has not been suspended...but trying to write as much as I can!) 

“Master Damian, your father wished that I remind you of my granddaughter Y/N’s arrival tomorrow.”

“Tt, and why would I need this reminder?”

“Well, she is staying with us at the Manor. Vigilantism is to be kept to a minimal, as Y/N is unaware of this family’s nighttime activities. Your brothers have been informed and as such, will only enter the cave, if necessary, from the exterior.”

“I shall do the same then.”

“I was hoping you could refrain altogether. Perhaps accompany her around Gotham?

“Tt, I am not a babysitter Alfred.” And with that Damian stormed out of the living room and headed immediately for the training room.

**

“Papa!” You exclaimed as soon as Alfred opened the door. You quickly enveloped him in a hug, before stepping back and admiring his living quarters. “These Wayne’s you work for are clearly loaded.”

“Y/N, you know that is no way to talk.”

You just shrugged as you walked inside. “You’re happy though, right? They treat you okay?” You knew exactly how ‘the help’ could be treated.

“My dear, of course. In fact, Master Damian has agreed to show you the Gotham sights.”

“Somehow I doubt he did that willingly.”

“Some coercion from his father may have been necessary.” Alfred smirked. The two of you sat at the kitchen counter catching up on life, when Damian turned the corner. You glanced his direction.

“You must be my tour guide I’ve heard so much about!”

“Tt, only if you wish to go to the worst parts Gotham has to offer.”

“Hm, sounds much more fun than the best parts. Everyone gets to see those.”

“I am confident Alfred can accompany you around the city.”

“I am too, but he said he’s got something to do for your father all day tomorrow.” Alfred shot a look of disappoint towards Damian, as you continued. “I don’t want to intrude, if you have something to do. I’m sure I can entertain myself for the day.”

“Fine. I will escort you through Gotham tomorrow.”

**

“So Dami, how’s babysitting?” Jason teased his younger brother.

“Fantastic. I must chaperon the ray of sunshine all day tomorrow. See the sights that Gotham City has to offer.”

“From what I remember, Y/N is capable of handling herself just fine around Gotham.” Dick chimed in, trying to ease Damian’s clear frustration.

“Well Father would be most disappointed in me if I left her to fend for herself.”

“Lighten up, I’m sure her positivity will make the day enjoyable.” Jason smirked knowing full well that would only further agitate his brother. You didn’t want to hear any more of the conversation, clearly Damian disliked you. You would just have to live with that, you thought as you stalked up to the guest room.

“I just do not comprehend how she can be so positive. All the time.”

“Hm, been thinking about her a lot since that first meeting…haven’t we?” Now Dick joined in on the teasing, realizing the effect you had on his youngest brother.

“Of course not. The notion is ridiculous.” With that Damian left his brothers, no longer wishing to endure their quips.

**

You expected the day to drag on. In fact, you didn’t even know if Damian would actually take you on a tour of the city of not. To your surprise, he was waiting for you in the kitchen when you sauntered down to grab some coffee.

“Damian. You’re awake.”

“I was unsure of when you wanted to leave.”

“Honestly, I’m more of a nightowl. Mind if I grab some coffee and then go get ready? Say we leave in an hour?”

“I will meet you here in an hour.”

You smiled and nodded as you passed him to get to the coffee machine. “So from a true Gothamite’s perspective, any places that are a must see?”

“Tt, I am not from Gotham.”

“Oh. I thought – nevermind – where are you from?”

“No where you would be privy to.”

“Sorry for asking then…” you stumbled out of the kitchen, preparing yourself for an awkward day.

**

You put on a smile as you walked down the stairs, determined to have fun despite the storm cloud accompanying you. “Ready?” Your cheery voice echoed through the hall.

“As much as one could be.”

You were okay with the silence as you took in the sights. You grew up in a fairly small town, no building was over five stories. This was astonishing. The amount of people and cars around you, everything constantly moving. Finally, the car you were in stopped.

“Where are we?”

“Wayne Botanical Gardens.”

“How rich is your family…?” You question as the two of you got out of the car.

“Heh, I am not sure that I can answer that question.”

“Maybe one day I’ll ask a personal question you do know the answer to.” You sighed before gliding over to the garden entrance. You didn’t talk for the next hour, you were too enthralled looking at all the plants and flowers. Damian was too enthralled gazing at you. You saw the beauty in everything, granted flowers are a typically beautiful plant, but you seemed to admire everything around you. He even watched as you bent down and picked up someone else’s trash. The action seemed to be done subconsciously, as you hadn’t even realized what you just did. As you neared the end, you turned towards him, an undeniable sparkle in your eye.

“Oh, where to next? Is every place in Gotham this beautiful?”

“Tt, that would be impossible.”

“Right,” you sighed, remembering who you were talking to.

“Wayne Tower is near here.”

“A garden and a tower, my oh my, the Wayne’s do get around.”

“Yeah. Want to go?”

“Why not, perhaps we can stop for lunch nearby?”

“Okay.”

You trudged forward, ignoring the short responses. Before you knew it, the day seemed over. You knew you hadn’t seen half of Gotham, but Damian seemed rathe insistent you head back as darkness enveloped the city.

“Oh, come on, Damian. Are you scared of the dark?”

“Of course not. I am not a child.”

“Good. Let’s go to a bar! I’ve heard the Iceberg Lounge is a must!”

“A must avoid, perhaps.”

“Well, I am going. You are more than welcome to join me.”

Surprisingly, the rest of the night went on without a hitch. Damian didn’t even suspect that you were actually gathering intel at the lounge. Unbeknownst to Alfred, you had ulterior motives for visiting him in the big city. Your dad was finally letting you in the family business, this was your first assignment. Gather intel on the drugs being pushed out at the Iceberg Lounge in Gotham City.

**

A few more days had passed, and you managed to get to or near the lounge every night. Sometimes you went inside, sometimes you waited and watched from the rooftops. Thankfully, the Wayne Manor was surprisingly easy to sneak out of. Or so you thought. Alfred, however, was growing more and more concerned by your nightly disappearances.

“Master Damian, might I inquire how your day of sightseeing with my granddaughter went?”

“Fine? Did she claim otherwise?”

“No. Did she seem particularly eager to go somewhere?”

“The only place she requested was the Iceberg Lounge. Why she would associate herself with such an establishment is beyond my comprehension.”

“Hm. I feared as much. Master Damian, I might request a small favor.”

“Does this favor involve Y/N?”

“It does.”

“What do you require?”

“She seems to be leaving each night. I am afraid she may get herself into trouble. As you know, Gotham is no place to wander. Could you follow her?”

“Of course.” Damian left and immediately geared himself up, as much as he dared to in civilian clothing. Then, it was the waiting game. Just as Alfred said, around 10 you snuck out through the window. Luckily, Damian was waiting close by on a motorcycle.

This time you decided you would go in the lounge. You discarded the dark robe, uncovering the rather revealing outfit you donned, as you entered the taxi. Upon entering the lounge, you saw a few of the suspects already downing drinks. You didn’t hesitate in approaching them. Unfortunately, this approach had caused wrong person to take notice of you.  

“Hey beautiful. I’ve seen you in here a lot lately. Yet you haven’t come and talked to me. I thought I’d take the initiative.”

“How sweet of you. I’m afraid I can’t indulge your fantasies tonight. Perhaps another.”

“Huh, see…I think you can.”

You smiled at the unsavory character, as you did he latched onto your wrist.

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.”

“Awe, does the pretty lady know self-defense.”

“Yeah, she does.”

“Good.” The man seemed to sober up almost instantly. “Then you can tell me why you’ve been grilling my men.”

Shit. You quickly brought your knee up into his groin, causing him to release you. You grasped the gun in your purse and shot in his direction.

“Can’t even hit me?”

“Oh honey, I wasn’t trying.” You smiled as a light fixture swung down and crashed between the two of you. As you turned to make a run for it, the room filled with smoke and someone grabbed you by the waist and placed the other hand over your mouth. You quickly realized they were pulling you to safety and decided to see how the situation played out. Once you cleared the smoke, you recognized the figure. “Damian?!” You stopped dead in your tracks.

He looked back at you, once he noticed you weren’t going to move, he pulled you in close and pulled out what looked like a gun. Except this gun pulled the two of you up through the air, landing you on a rooftop.

“What the hell were you doing?!” You had never heard Damian raise his voice; you didn’t even think he was capable of it. “You almost got yourself killed in there!”

“What?! Did you follow me here?!”

“Of course, I followed you. Gotham is not a safe place. You should not be out here alone.”

“Why the fuck do you even care? You hate me!”

“Hate yo – ? I was protecting you!”

“Well, I don’t need your protection. I can handle myself.”

“Clearly. But I could not take that risk.”

“You barely know me.”

“I can tell Alfred loves you.”

“Oh, you followed me because my grandfather asked you to.”

“No. Well, yes. However, I would have followed regardless. If I had known earlier.”

“Why?”

“You seem hold this astonishing ability to acknowledge the good in everything and everyone. It amazes me. But Gotham…everyone in Gotham is capable of tremendous evil. I could allow it to take you as it has so many others.”

You took his hands in yours, causing him to momentarily tense. “Damian, I choose to believe that everyone has the capacity for good. But I am not so naïve to believe everyone utilizes that.” You sighed, “If I tell you something. Do you promise not to tell my grandfather?”

Damian just nodded at your words.

“My father, he followed in his father’s footsteps. And I, I’ve chosen to follow in my father’s. We, I suppose the closest thing to what we are is spies. He told me just to gather the intel. I guess I got a little trigger happy.” Your gaze seemed to freeze Damian on the spot. “Though, I’m guessing your family knows a little about that. Unless normal citizens of Gotham carry smoke bombs with them.” Your statement shook him from the trance.

“No, unfortunately, I cannot say that is true. I am a vigilante, spy, hero, whatever terminology you wish it to don.”

“Good. Then you can continue protecting me. And maybe I can return the favor.”

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne imagine #damian wayne fanfic #Damian Wayne #older!damian x reader #older!damian imagine #robin x reader #robin imagine #robin fanfic #batboys #batboys fanfic #batboys x reader #batboys imagine #batboys x you #batfamily #BatFam #batfam fanfic #batfam imagine #batfam x reader