#my disability does hold me back | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

droodlebug · 4 months

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i think most people need to expand their idea of art so dipshits can stop saying ai art is actually good for physically disabled people who cant do art. what do you mean when you say art? can we ask that question? if you say that word and all you mean is a pretty portrait or an oil painting, then you need to open yourself up.

art at a base level is just something you made with some kind of strong emotion – some kind of passion – behind it. yes a hyper rendered portrait can still be art. a sketchy pen drawing is art. a mess of colors making shapes on a canvas is art. painting a huge canvas in paintstakingly light layers of a single color so that the end result is perfectly smooth is art.

a song on the speakers in a store is art. an underground indie song you love is art. singing a single sentence song with small children is art. voice acting is art. beading is art. jewlery is art. decorating your home is art. making a house or a person in the sims is art. making dumb ass tiktoks can be art. stuffed animals are art. resin crafting is art. sculpting is art. making little dioramas is art. collecting and cleaning dolls and figures is art. meticulously organizing your desktop and phone layouts is art. getting bored and spraypainting a shelf a new color is art. writing about your favorite show, whether theories or as a fanfiction, is art.

technology is art. engineering is art. architecture is art. science is art. sewing, modding, dress up games, hoke renovations, dancing, singing, fingerpainting, cooking, cross stitching, baking, making a blog or an essay about something you love, or hate, cmor care about, dearly, rearranging store shelves, crochet, making people laugh, icing a box mix cake, the way scientists talk about their field, literary analysis, printing shirts, personalizing your car, sex work, editing a picture to print, scrapbooking, getting really into planners, putting stickers on your things. its all art

when i say ai art isnt art, and it isnt a good tool for disabled people to make art. im not saying you have to be like me, who is physically disabled, and fingerpaint or that you have to learn to paint and draw with your mouth or toes or whatever. i mean art is something you are passionate about, and you need to find the kind of art that speaks to you and lets you express yourself. if that means you push your disabled (or abled) body to draw portraits of people like yours truly, then thats wonderful. if that just is not your art, thats wonderful too. theres so much out there to try.

you dont have to limit yourself to the first kind of art that pops in your head when you hear the word. and always remember. it doesnt have to be good or marketable. it just has to be yours

#idk im just thinking about some notes i saw on an ai post #about another disabled person saying something like..m well i shouldnt have to learn how to paint with my teeth to make art #and i agree. but thats not an excuse to take advantage of a skeevy ai program dubiously using art posted online.#it just means you need to find your outlet. if you arent willing to find your workaround to paint then dont paint. find other art #its okay to be dissappointed about that. its not okay to choose to let that hurt other people #its okay to yearn for something you cant do. im shit at any kind of fiber art and it hurts my physically and i wish it wasnt like that #but i do just have to accept its not the avenue for me and that is okay #conversely it does cause my pain to sit up and paint and i cant always hold a brush without pain and using needles bends back my fingers #but its what i need to do to express myself. so i keep working witg it and finding ways to make it accessible to me #im just not willing to do that with crochet or knitting #if you arent willing to find ways to do it. then it is worth thinking about if its something you need and really want to do. or if its just #a nice idea and something that would be cool.

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caterpillarinacave · 10 months

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I just got first aid called for me out of nowhere, whilst feeling totally fine. Like sorry, but I can’t look that bad right???

#Apparently I do actuallt #I’m at a baseball game to preform and boy do I dislike baseball #And one memeber of my party is talking to a staff member so I go stand by the wall and out of the blue the stafff member starts beckoning m #-with vigor. I’m super confused but I come over assuming she must need to see me for tickets or sometjing #And she takes me by the arm sits me in one of the shady boxed of spot and tells me to sit while she goes and gets first aid #I was like???? And my poor mother is trying to explain I just need to sit but the lady runs off and comes back with two paramedics #Who come back and are all over me #“Here take this ice pack drink that water are you sure you’re okay??? Do you still feel like you’re gonna pass out?”#So now I sit there for twenty minutes with an ice pack and apperenntly my moth does somewhat agree because she’s holding the ice pack on-#My neck when I put it down #But like #i was totally fine #No more dizzy than I am on any given day #I know I’m a little frail very shaky and often have the complexion of a Victorian fever patient but come on #Do I really look so bad that several people took one look at me and thought “medical emergency”#To make it very clear they were so so nice but I was so confused #And stressed which probably didn’t help my composure #Where are these lovley people when I actually am gonna faint???#But like i have no idea how to refuse medical care #Do I instantly start explaining that in autistic and have some disabilities so it’s alright? Do I go with it? Do I just say no?#Help #chronically ill

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paradoxikaa · 7 months

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it gets hard leaving unhealthy attachments in the past when what's in front of u is a whole lot of empty nothing

#like yeah. holding onto them does not provide enough soothing in return for all the harm it does me to be worth it #and if i'm honest with myself if i went back to them i'd hate them and be sick and so fucking resentful #but like am i just supposed to just feel empty all yhe time instead #i have 1 (one) person i can talk to and that's a whole lot better than none sure but i also have an abusive family #the isolation from that is so fucking insane #i don't have a job and i'm like. mentally traumatised and physically disabled to the point where if i went and got one i'd probably die #i like to cook and i have enough money to eat and make meals for my sister so i don't have absolutely nothing #but it's barely enough to act as a thin veil staving away my suicidality. it's passive rn and it'll be passive as long as i'm lucid #but my sanity has been surviving in a thread for years so idk if this streak of lucidity can be kept unbroken #sometimes when i have bad meltdowns i just want to bash my head in. it's a horrible thing to want when in actuality i just want to live

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anarkhebringer · 1 year

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Day infinity of my mother reinforcing why I have a personality disorder.

#negative #TLDR she lost her shit at me for daring to rightfully assume she's accusing me of things when that's her default #she ALWAYS does it even in the most menial conversations she's always like ''don't get offended BUT'' with the dumbest shit #and then when I interrupted her as soon as she started and left she accused me of ''running when we have heated debates''#and then proceeded to scream about it to herself for like 5 minutes #if she weren't the sole controller of the money and it wouldn't ruin us financially if she died right now... I shan't say it #3 of her 4 kids have wanted her dead as we grew up and 2 of the 4 still hold to that desire #and it's because 1 of them fucked off to Kansas and cut all contact and realized she missed bumming things off my mother #my older brother and I are so sick of her but we can't leave #like when she was dying of sepsis a few years ago I was the only one to do anything and it was only when I walked by the room #my older brother just closed the door on her and was gonna let her die in there #she took herself to the ER that day and died #but they brought her back #she deserves it she truly does she's ruined our lives in new and creative ways as we've grown up and we can't do a thing about it #since we're all disabled and rely on her as our carer in a state that regularly murders disabled people in the inpatient care facilities #so my older brother and I are doing our best to not kill her ourselves by making her as miserable as possible in return for her ''love''

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genderqueerdykes · 2 months

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homeless disabled trans person needs help affording more nights in hotel while government housing program keeps delaying my move in-date

3/11/2024: hello, my name is equinox. i am a homeless severely disabled trans person who is living in a hotel. i have been working with this apartment complex since october, working through a program for low-income severely disabled people who will provide me a rent figure based off of my earned income. because i sell jewelry and accept donations online, they are extremely confused as to how much income i make and have been stalling and delaying the process this entire time.

i was promised a move-in date of Tuesday, 2/27/2024, then 2/29/2024, only to have it pushed back yet again. i already set up the electricity in my name as they requested it of me on the 27th. it is march 11th, and i have no idea of when i will be approved, now.

today, i received this email:

i have given them this information several times over the past few months. i have explained that venmo does not generate statements, and that gofundme does not hold a balance. now i've had to explain that stripe also does not hold a balance, and that tumblr is not a payment gateway.

i have been in a hotel for over a month because of this. i have had to explain this information over and over again and have made no headway. i broke down crying this morning because this has been psychological torture. my hotel room is only $38/night. i have tonight booked, but will need help saving up for future nights, as well as the deposit and if i'm ever accepted at this place:

pay pal: glittergraphicnightmare@ gmail . com venmo: @ equinoxian cash app: $glitterGraphix chime: $Equinoxian

you can also support me here, i sell jewelry as well as zines on my ko-fi:

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vamptastic · 1 year

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been starting to realize that ive been doing Real Bad for a Real Long time and it's a bit scary. ive upped my antidepressants which should help in a couple weeks (and them starting to wear off is probably what caused the depressive spiral, tbh). and honestly just knowing what's going on and being able to take active steps to fix it instead of feeling like ive just suddenly lost my ability to be a whole human person is helpful.

but god it's so scary that i was like that for months and didn't really notice. i mean, obviously i knew things were bad, but i was really attributing it to a personal inability to keep up with the expectations around me and not realizing i was mostly struggling so much because my mental health had tanked. i managed to scrape my way out of this one without crazy longterm damage, beyond worrying some teachers, missing the early application deadlines for a couple schools, and overall reinforcing the idea that i am unwell and not to be trusted with my parents, but it's very demoralizing to know that even though i work very hard when i'm able to there will probably always be periods in my life when my depression impedes me from amount of work expected of a normal human being.

i mean, i'm still in high school, and i couldn't keep up with just coming to school every day and keeping up with classwork. i'm not saying this makes me a terrible person, contributing to society isn't what gives someone worth, but i know i'm capable of more without this setback and it's frustrating.

just, i don't know what i'm going to do once i live on my own. having people around me who can look at me and say 'hey man you are clearly going through some shit take it easy' is the only way i can snap out of episodes like these thus far. ive been looking forward to college and feeling like my life and time is going towards a meaningful purpose for so long and i am going to be so, so upset if i fuck it up.

it just hurts having high expectations put on me, i guess. i don't want go on a litany of gifted kid woes or whatever but i am very intellectually intelligent and adults have looked at that and assumed i must succeed and if i'm not i'm not trying hard enough. it's great when i do achieve something big and i get to fulfill those expectations but i just don't know if i can, in the long term.

i struggle with such basic parts of being a functional adult. and i know my parents and teachers do just want me to be happy and don't care if i don't end up where they thought i would, but it just always feels like there's this better version of me out there if i could just stop missing school and stop procrastinating and really apply myself. but when i DO apply myself i quickly burn out and enter another destructive spiral.

there's not really a point to this, i guess. just that i want to succeed and i don't want to fuck it all up for myself because my brain tells me it doesn't matter for a few months. it does, when i'm not depressed i do care, so so so much, and i hate having to fight myself for what i want.

#txt #i know there's like a lot of internalized abelism here #i mean idk that im disabled per se but #its easy for me to look at someone else and say that just living is all that is required and ability to work doesn't give you worth #but i can't really apply it to myself #kinda for commie reasons. i believe strongly in the power of my ideals i guess. that everyone should want to help other people.#that a good life is spent fighting for others rights. that that's a virtue. but i mean.#that's kind of contradictory cos like who is fighting for my life and happiness? why does other ppls wellbeing matter but not mine?#and i guess i need to learn to see life as more collaborative. each to his own ability yk?#like every person should help others as much as they can. but if they can't at all? it's okay.#even if they can't do as much as others think they would bc of their mental health. also okay.#it is just hard to actually believe that when so few ppl actually believe their life should be dedicated towards smth useful to society #that their personal wealth and comfort while still valuable is not more valuable than others. t that they should care abt those worth off #guess there is value to the idea that you should get to do what you want with your life too. suppose that is the primary issue w communism #i mean every job is valuable to society nvm. anyway I'm sort of off the rails here uhm #depression sux im sick of it i want to be an environmental engineer and i don't want this to hold me back.

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cy-cyborg · 7 months

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People on the internet: they can't hire actors who are actually in wheelchairs to play wheelchair users in movies! What if there's a scene where they need to stand up? A wheelchair user can't do that!

Robert Rodriguez: hold my beer

This is a scene from spy kids 3 - a movie in a series famous for its shoe-string budgets, where Ricardo Montalbán's character is in a wheelchair, but spends most of his screen time in a digital reality where he doesn't need it. Ricardo Montalbán was actually in a wheelchair though in real life, so they just used a combination of VFX and camera tricks (and a dolly for a few shots) to film those scenes. Also if I remember correctly the movie ends with him back in the real world, fighting a mech with his jet-pack wheelchair lmao.

The disability rep is dated (as is the VFX lol) and does fall into a lot of tropes I personally dont like, but it's so earnest in their attempts, and the visible effort behind the scenes to include a real, disabled actor outweighs it for me - even as a kid who wasnt fully aware of why.

Bigger studios have no excuse.

I've linked the video I got these screenshots from, they talk a lot about how they handled Ricardo Montalbán's character being out of his wheelchair there. If if you like behind the scenes stuff for campy old movies, I highly recommend it!

[ID 1: a screenshot of the movie Spy kids 3D, showing Juni, the main character in a suit of yellow power armour, talking to his grandfather, who towers over him in red power armour. his grandfather is kneeling so he can be at eye level with him.

the caption underneath reads "where he kneels down and talks to Juni" /end ID 1]

[ID 2: a photo of the same shot but without the effects. Grandpa is shown to be in a wheelchair, and is being held at the needed height by a moveable platform his wheelchair is sitting on. Juni is wearing the armour, grandpa is not, and there are green screens behind them.

the caption underneath reads "but we just had him lowered in a dolly" /end ID 2]

#disability #physical disability #disability representation #disability in media #spy kids 3 #wheelchair user #wheelchair #representation matters #disability in movies #vfx #image descriptions #also ambulatory wheelchair users exsist so the point these people try to make about them not being able to do some scenes still doesn't work

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incorrectbatfam · 1 month

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What are their go to conversation starters?

Alfred: Lesson #18 of behaving like a human being: initiating conversations.

Alfred: At a formal event, you are expected to engage with others in an appropriate manner. For this exercise, I want you to pretend I'm a guest and impress me.

Dick: Good evening, sir. I really appreciate you having here. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask.

Dick: *smiles and gives Alfred a firm handshake*

Alfred: Excellent job, except one thing.

Alfred, holding up his arm: It was not necessary to take my watch. You're not a mission, Master Dick.

Dick: But what if I am?

Alfred: That's a lesson for another day. Next.

Jason: Now, hypothetically, if a very bad man killed your son, wouldn't YOU—

Alfred: That's enough. Next.

Tim: My name's Tim and I'm afraid of wasps because they have a photographic memory of all who wronged them.

Alfred: Dismissed. Next.

Damian: *walks away to play with the dog*

Alfred: We'll come back to him. Next.

Duke: Wanna beta-read my Luke Fox Final Fantasy MMA AU fanfic?

Cullen: Wanna beta-read my Destiel Superhell fix-it fanfic?

Alfred: Next.

Steph: Last night I dreamt I was a waffle, but I was also the plate and the fork and myself eating the me-waffle.

Alfred: That's disturbing, next.

Cass: *stares*

Alfred: You are supposed to say something.

Cass: Something.

Alfred, sighing: Next.

Barbara: Hi, I'm Barbara. You must be Alfred, right? How are you liking the party?

Alfred, acting: I'm enjoying it very much, thank you.

Barbara: Okay, so you didn't notice me remotely disabling an army of robot cockroaches. Phew!

Alfred: We were so close. Next.

Harper: Can you believe it? Some asshole disabled my robo-roaches.

Alfred: For the last time, Miss Harper, no robotic insects at galas. Next.

Carrie: Hello, sir. Can I get you anything?

Alfred, acting: A glass of water would be nice.

Carrie: Sure thing. One cup of locally sourced water, coming right up.

Alfred: Never mind. Next.

Kate: Your daughter is hot.

Alfred: Wrong answer. Next.

Helena: Tell me everything you know about the Maroni family or so help me—

Alfred: Different script, Miss Helena. Please turn to page 67 for gala conversations.

Luke: What does it mean when someone you know sends you their fanfiction about yourself?

Alfred, rubbing his temples: Next, please.

Bette: Head's up!

Bette: *spikes a volleyball*

Alfred, catching it: Next.

Selina: Wanna see pictures of my cats?

Bruce: Wanna see pictures of my kids?

Alfred:

Alfred: I think we should start again from the top.

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darkcircles4lyfe · 18 days

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it's a story about hands (reprise)

Yeah, okay, today's the day.

I gave my blog that title for a reason, you know, and it has loomed over me for years because the hand motif is absolutely everywhere and you could go on about it forever.

Maybe that's something I'll never actually attempt to do, but this chapter, we reached a breaking point.

Before I continue, I need to give a big, big disclaimer: I do not have a physical disability, so I'm not able to speak about that from the standpoint of representation as a first-hand perspective. I have at least listened to enough disabled people to know that fictional characters who become amputees only to miraculously gain their limbs back is, um, a trope. Disabled people in general being "healed" is a conception we would really prefer to avoid here. Not to call people out, but I don't think we're giving enough space to acknowledge that.

I don’t feel comfortable making the judgement call about what should happen. I’m leaving that open. I also don't want to downplay people's emotional reactions. Honestly, I don't know if I can accurately define the line between acknowledging real pain vs. ableist pity. But I’d like to talk about the possibilities of what could happen. Other characters have definitely gotten permanent disabilities as a result of their hero work, or even just the side effects of their quirk. But, for better or worse, I don't think this case is really about representation. Not that Horikoshi won't do that justice. He might. What I'm saying is that's not his purpose for having Izuku lose his arms. It's meant to be symbolic, so we can explore what it means. The other thing I’m keeping in mind here is that Horikoshi is notorious for playing with our expectations, like, alllllll the time. I mean, just take a few chapters ago for a classic example. Eri appeared at the end, and we all assumed she was about to take some sort of action to save someone with her quirk. Then, immediately following, we were given an explanation for why that wouldn’t be happening. And now it’s clear he wanted to do that “fake out” not just as a silly cliffhanger prank, but specifically so we would know not to suspect that Eri could be the miraculous solution to Izuku’s loss of his arms. Rest assured, there is no easy way out of this.

The expectation at play in this particular instance is an old one. It’s very understated, but its subtext has burned so brightly, you’d be a fool not to notice it. It sits with anticipation like one half of a call and response. Man, I was so certain. Lots of people still are. I was really looking forward to printing the panel where it happened onto a t shirt and wearing it proudly. All the hand motifs in this story radiate thematically from a single moment, the one that started it all for Izuku.

It raises all kinds of questions about the act of saving, who needs saving, why, what does it mean, what are the dynamics of power, politics, honesty, exploitation, compassion, pity, disdain, sacrifice. Katsuki has dealt with many of these since he first rejected Izuku’s hand. While Izuku was the one who was convinced Katsuki would keep on rejecting him…

…Katsuki was the one who kept that moment in his mind all these years and eventually came to regret it.

Katsuki is the one yearning for that hand-hold, the one who has imbued it with so much more weight than it ever originally had. Izuku, in contrast, does not allow himself to dwell on what he wants. To illustrate this difference, we need to look at another piece of foreshadowing:

Ugh, do y'all remember when lots of folks were complaining about how there never seemed to be actual consequences for Izuku's destructive treatment of his own body? I don't blame them, I was concerned and confused about it too. There were several "fixes" along the way. Recovery Girl healed him, but left a physical reminder. Then he started training to fight with his legs… sometimes. Then he got support items. All of these were unsatisfying non-conclusions because they didn't present Izuku with a lasting enough impression to change in a meaningful way. They didn't address his core, his origin.

Of course, that all changed this chapter. Now it looks like our frustration was inflicted intentionally. With the current context in mind, all of these moments look more sinister, like this day was always gonna come because they kept putting bandaids on a deep emotional and psychological wound. The problem is pretty much spelled out for us here:

As Katsuki put it, he just doesn’t take himself into account, ya know? He doesn’t care what happens to him. And he lies about it, to keep others from worrying, to keep them safe. To keep them from returning the favor and putting themselves in harm’s way for his sake. His motivations are noble,

…but what about the little boy inside Izuku? Who saves him?

This is all about Izuku giving himself up to the point that he literally has no more to give. The thing is, I bet he saw this coming. He knew his limits and decided to keep going anyway, because his personal safety and wellbeing are not important. Now that way of thinking has come back to bite him because the fight isn’t over yet, and he’s already made his sacrifice. So now we know who will be more distraught over this. Not Izuku—Katsuki.

It’s not about Izuku becoming disabled, it’s about how Katsuki wanted to use the intertwining of their fingers to communicate that he would never let go. Never stop valuing him most. Never let himself make the mistake of rejecting him again. Never let Izuku be so reckless with his life. To say: “we are in this together.”…if only Katsuki believed he deserved to be able to say such things. To reach out his hand would have been the ultimate way to simply imply them and let Izuku be the one to decide. Then, to feel their hands clasped together would be more than either of them dared hope for, but so beautiful, so right. A moment they’ve waited their whole lives for.

Yeah. That’s what we were expecting. We’ve been so comfortable. Horikoshi gave us all the signs. He tempted and teased us over and over. BUT. You know he does this thing were he gives us a desirable, completely plausible and simple thing to look forward to, and then he snatches it away. And THEN he replaces it with something much better, something we were not expecting at all because it seemed too good to be true. That’s exactly what happened when Himiko snatched Izuku away, and we were robbed of the chance to see him and Katsuki fight together. In hindsight, though, I’m glad things went a different way because now there’s so much more depth and angst on display. Likewise, in the present moment, we may consider how, as one door closes, another opens.

As wonderfully meaningful as the hand-hold would have been, perhaps it is still too simple a resolution for Izuku, for his and Katsuki’s relationship. Tbh, it could have been done like 100 chapter ago. At this point, there’s so much more potential. There are a couple of ways it could go. If Izuku stays armless, Katsuki will be forced to use other methods to get his point across. He’ll have to do something else, or say what he means, or both. Yes, I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about. If I say it, I just might jinx it (lol), but I mean it. I’m being serious. Either way, if Izuku did get his arms back in the end, I’m sure that it wouldn’t be an easy fix. It would be hard-won against Izuku’s self-destructive mindset, and/or by Katsuki’s conviction. Again, I say this knowing it is not meant so much as a representation of disability, but as a representation of Izuku’s greatest character flaw taken to the extreme. I know this might sound harsh, like, hasn’t he been through enough? I get that, but… I’ve said it before and I say it again: Izuku is stubborn as hell.

I wish I had a resounding final note to end this on, but I kinda don’t. I’m not sure what’s best. Now we just have to wait and see what Horikoshi has in mind.

#lin speaks #bnha meta #bnha manga #bnha 419 #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #bakudeku #bkdk #dekubaku #dkbk

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disabilityreminders · 9 months

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You know what? My disability does hold me back! I'm sick of pretending it doesn't because society only thinks we're worthy if we're actively trying to "overcome" our disabilities or that we "defy the odds". I'm sick of hearing "you can do anything you put your mind to" because that's just not true and is often invalidating of the struggles disabled people face.

I am worthy either way, regardless of whether I can contribute in a way that society deems acceptable or not.

The same applies to you! You are worthy if you can't drive, can't finish school, can't work a conventional job. You are worthy if you can't live on your own without help. You are worthy if you'll need assistance for the rest of your life. You are worthy, always.

#my post

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annabelle--cane · 7 months

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I guess the thing that makes me not so fond of Jon's addiction allegory is that it's only coherent to a certain extent? Like I think people sometimes forget that he's actively violating these people

anon, through no fault of your own you have accidentally hit upon my sleeper agent trigger phrase. I have layers of answers to this.

so first off, yeah, it's not a 1:1 direct metaphor, it's a soupy dream logic fantasy plot device with flavors of a lot of different things. there's quite a lot of addiction in there, there's some abuse of power, there's some cyclical nature of trauma, there's a dash of disability, there's a few notes of gendered violence, there's a good bit of just. violence violence and being kind of a motherfucker because goddammit it feels good to be an active agent about something in your life, even if it's just choosing to be a worse version of yourself than you strictly need to be. a lot of tma's worldbuilding is very allegorical, but apart from aspects of individual statements nothing really matches up quite 1:1 with a real world counterpart, and if more things did then it probably wouldn't be a fantasy show anymore.

secondly. okay to contextualize this answer a little bit I have a kind of hypothetical video essay project about vampirism and addiction that I like to spend a few hours thinking about every so often but am almost certainly never going to make because the full research burden required is a lot higher than I actually have the time to properly do. but because of that I've spent a lot of time sorting through why framing vampires as addicts really works for me in a way that it doesn't seem to for everyone, and I think a lot of my thoughts on that also apply to jon. there's going to be a bit of a detour here before we get back to talking about tma, but we'll get there, I prommy.

I've seen a lot of people take issue with various paranormal addiction allegories because, a lot of the time, the act that is meant to metaphorically represent the act of use itself is something that is directly and inherently harmful to others, e.g. drinking human blood, handing over power to your hedonistic Evil alter ego, holding the cursed amulet and going crazy going stupid, slurping trauma out of the head of some guy you ran into on a boat to norway, etc., and yeah, I do get that. substance use is not inherently harmful like that to anyone except sometimes the user themself, and addicts are not inherently fucked up and destructive people; those are dangerous stereotypes that often lead to the demonizing of a whole group of sick people.

here's the thing for me, though: those are definitely truths I want explored and represented when it comes to portrayals of non-allegorical actual addicts, but fantasy fiction isn't for showing the world as it is, it's for showing a subjective fun house mirror version of reality where certain aspects are minimized and magnified depending on how it feels to live through it. and yes, absolutely in real life drug use is not an inherently evil act and it does not make you an inherently evil person, but... doesn't it kind of feel like that? sort of? absolutely no one is living their best life nor on their best behavior while experiencing any kind of major mental illness episode, and when it comes to addiction you've got a very clear tangible symbol of when The Episode is happening that it feels like you have much more control over than when it comes to other illnesses. it's also a thing where people are a lot more likely to be openly angry and distrustful of you if they find out it's happening. so you mix together the ideas of "I know I get worse as a result of doing this one specific thing" + "I act less like myself when I'm using, it rearranges my priorities and I care less about hurting people because that's what happens when you're experiencing The Horrors" + "society at large/people directly around me are pretty quick to say that doing this is evil," and you get the subjective emotional result of "I hurt people by using and it makes me monstrous." I tend to respond to those kinds of paranormal allegories like they're just cutting out the middle man of those subjective fears. "using makes me monstrous" -> "using is monstrous."

anyway. jon archivist.

don't get me wrong, I totally understand if this aspect of metaphor doesn't gel for some people and they only like taking it exactly as far as the text explicitly makes them, but I really get a lot out of reading jon's connection to the fears as addiction precisely because he does genuinely awful things to people as a result of it. he's a person in a very bad physical and mental place with little to no support who is constantly being told by both allies and enemies that he's already a monster just by being alive, and he copes with that by secretly falling further and further into an compulsive act of consumption that skews his priorities and makes him care less about hurting people because at least sometimes getting to be the cause of pain makes him feel a little bit less powerless when he has to be the subject of pain the rest of the time. then he's found out and is made to stop, and he has to grapple not just with the physical toll of withdrawal but with knowing there is a not insignificant part of him that will excuse any act of malice if he knows he'll feel better afterwards.

the end of tma is very explicit in the fact that the rules of its world are shaped by the subjective worst fears of those who live in it, it's "an exercise in unreliably reality" as jonny sims put it once, and I think that principle extends backwards in some ways to apply to the rest of the show. I don't think the fact that there are only entities of fear and not hope or love is meant to be a full commentary on the total nature of the real world, it's a reflection of what fear and suffering can make the world feel like. eric and melanie both go to really harsh extremes to extricate themselves from the fears and live peaceful lives, and in both cases something happens that foils their plans (getting murdered + the apocalypse, respectively), but I don't think the intended message is to say that is definitively how real life works, they are metaphors for the limits of individual agency in larger systems and represent two types of worst-case-scenarios. similarly, I don't think reading jon as an addict implies that addiction inherently involves violence or that the reactions of those around him were completely unjustified, it's just a subjective exploration of the kinds of fears that can come with addiction dialed up to 100.

#also to be clear after the first paragraph I'm using 'you' in a general sense not directly to You The Anon Who Sent This #I'm not trying to insinuate anything about whether You The Anon Who Sent This does or doesn't have any experience w substance use #tma #answered #anons

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joi-me-hoi-me-noi · 17 days

Text

Y/n with a extremely powerful cursed energy

Request from one of my friends who somehow found out about my writing obsession with different fandoms... thanks girl, you know too much now.

Gojo

"I really don't want to fight anyone. Please, stop."

He doesn't say anything, his feet moving his being toward you. He was only walking. He thinks you're weak.

"Please, stop. I-I really don't want to hurt you!" You saw what he did to Hanami, you wanted it to stop.

Geto wasn't there yet so you had to stop him. He's standing right in front of you now. He looks down at you with a frown and then sidesteps you, starting his walk past you.

"Wait!"

You reach forward and grab his arm; he slightly jumps at the contact. You breached infinity. How?

He pulls away from you and crosses his fingers in front of himself.

"Domain expansion..." He was going to kill you.

You hold one finger up as the domain started to expand around you.

"Void."

A black veil swallows up his domain...he's in shock how a weakling like yourself was able to disable everything. A single snap of your fingers and the void you created forms tightly around him, he would lose consciousness soon.

You feel his breathing stop and cease your void, now back at the train station. You approach his body, crouching down to make sure he's unconscious. You go to rise to your feet and his hand shoots out to grab your neck.

"Your cursed energy is quite impressive, sadly, it wasn't enough. Now you're going to die here."

"Satoru."

The guy turns his head, looking at Geto and dropping his hold on your neck in the process. You push his hand away, gasping for air and moving toward Geto. He opens the prison realm and watches the man get swallowed up into the small box.

A hand is placed on your head.

"After the rest of them, your duties aren't over."

★・・・・・・★

Choso

You heard the loud fighting from the bathroom nearby and immediately rushed in, finding a knocked out Yuuji and the person who hurt him.

"Jesus! Yuuji!"

You rush over to him, feeling a soft breath on your hand. You let out a sigh of relief as you turn your head to dodge the arrow coming your way.

"Interesting. You're the blood manipulation dude I heard about."

Another arrow shoots out of his clasped hands, but you simply touch the tip of it, watching it turn into a bloody puddle on the floor. He demeaner falters as he watches you.

"You better count your blessings and hope I don't hurt you that bad."

★・・・・・・★

Sukuna

You thought it was insane that some random kid found their way into a veil and swallowed the finger of Sukuna.

"Y/n, he just-" "Megumi, exit the veil. I got it."

He was about to talk you out of it but then complied with the request you made. Using his curses to help him get off the rooftop quicker. Sukuna turns to you, a crazy smile appearing on his face. His fingers swipe in front of him, obviously trying to cut you. Nothing happens.

He does it again and again, nothing happens.

"No matter how many times you try it, it's not going to work."

He, of course, continued to try to hurt you and then groaned in annoyance when it wasn't working.

You stand in front of him and quickly nullify Sukuna. You click your tongue and carry the boy out of the veil, seeing Megumi and Gojo. Did this man really go shopping?

"Satoru, we have a problem. This kid swallowed Sukuna's finger and now he is his vessel."

★・・・・・・★

TODO & ITADORI

You run in from around the corner, watching Mahito getting beat up. His body rolls in front of you and he looks up at you. You give him your hand and pull him up.

"Well, you look like shit."

"Shut up and handle these two for me."

"You know you're going to owe me for this right."

Mahito runs off and leaves you standing there with the two boys.

"Hi! I hope you two aren't as boring as the others." You stretch out your limbs and start running towards them.

Todo and Itadori runs toward you, trying to grab you, they both fail. You jump up, suppress Todo's energy and using your foot to kick him into the wall. Then you hold Itadori's punch, draining the energy from his body.

"Someone's getting sleepy."

A quick push and he falls over, still alive but asleep. Todo springs back into action, trying to restrain you in some way. Using the drain energy from Itadori, you deliver a hard punch into Todo's abdomen, sending him into the way and knocking him out cold.

"That fight was barely fun..."

★・・・・・・★

TOJI

He just sliced a deep cut on Geto's chest, leaving him in the rubble. When he's walking away from the body, Toji hears something stirring behind him. He quickly turns his head and points his gun at you.

"Y/-Y/n." Geto's hand reaches out shakily, trying to push you away from him.

"Shh... I'm here. Rest." His eyes close and you used your technique to send him back to Jujutsu High, someone will help him.

"I can't believe an old man, of all people, killed THE Satoru Gojo."

BANG!

You appear behind him, sitting on the rubble pile.

"Let me tell you, I'm not like Satoru and I don't die easily."

BANG!

Your hand is around the gun barrel, it starts to dissipate in your grasp. He lets go of the gun and moves away from you. A smile appears on your face and then you sigh.

"I won't get to fight you like I wanted to after all. He's awake now and ready for a rematch. Bye now."

With a quick wink, you disappear into thin air leaving him to walk out the same way he came.

★・・・・・・★

A/n: The way my creativity was working like a machine is fucking insane. My brain hurts and I'm going to bed...

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ponderingmoonlight · 5 months

Text

Yuta finding out you've got severely injured at Shibuya and freaking out

Pairing: Yuta x fem!reader

Word Count: 1,8k

Synopsis: When the news of Shibuya begin to flood in, Yuta almost loses his mind over you. Without thinking twice he pays you, the secret love of his life, a visit.

Warnings: reader is depressed over her injury/disabilities so if that's not for you don't read it, Yuta is very confident in this one like he should, hurt/injury, comfort with my boy Yuta in the end

„Don’t tell me she was there too.”

Pictures flood Yuta’s mind uncontrollably. Your oh so gorgeous doe eyes, your breath-taking smile. You with your hair done the way you know he likes, you in that uniform that suits you so well.

You, lying on the floor covered in your own blood.

The news of what happened at Shibuya already pulled the ground underneath his feet. But given the fact that everyone was involved like Miguel said, you must have been there. They would be reckless to not rely on your powers.

You, a grade 2 sorcerer who would have become a grade 1 within the next few months. You, who promised him that you’ll stay safe.

“Hey, don’t worry about me, okay? This is a great opportunity to get a hold of your great powers, Yuta. I mean of course I’ll miss you terribly, but not enough to destroy this for you. Watch out.”

He had a bad feeling right from the start. After everything that happened just a few months ago, letting you go was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. But you were right with what you’ve said, to accompany Miguel and invest his time into training really was the wisest thing he could do back then.

Except for leaving you behind.

“You mean (y/n)? Both you and I know she definitely was.”

His heart drops in an instant, eyes widen in nothing but pure horror. Hearing that none other that Satoru Gojo got sealed, countless lives ended within only a couple of hours…

You can’t be dead, right? No, it’s simply impossible that you leave him alone like this.

“I hate the thought of dying during some pointless battle. This just doesn’t make sense to me, y’know? I’d rather die as a hero or not at all until I’m old and ugly.”

“But (y/n), you’re a jujutsu sorcerer. Many people just die on the battlefield without a special purpose.”

“I won’t, then.”

God, your wide smile back then. It really made him believe that you are the type to survive everything, that nothing and no one is able to bring you down.

But Shibuya managed to even get a hold of the strongest of them all. So what about you?

His lips begin to tremble uncontrollably, hands clenched into fists so tightly that blood begins to spill.

“Tell me she’s alright. Tell me (y/n) made it without getting hurt.”

Miguel signs, the sheer power that radiates from Yuta’s shaking figure running shivers down his spine.

“As far as I know she managed to get out…Somehow.”

That means you’re alive, right? That means you were able to escape certain death. But…

At what cost?

“How is she, then? Tell me already”, Yuta barks at the man standing in front of him.

God, he can’t lose you. Not know. Not when he wasn’t even able to admit his feelings to you, to thank you for always standing by his side, before telling you how much he adores you with all his heart.

“I don’t know! Everything is pure chaos over there”, Miguel replies dryly.

“If that’s so, I will go and pay her a visit.”

“Now? Did you forget you’re here to get trained by me? You can’t just fly over there because of a girl-“

“She is more than just a girl”, Yuta interrupts him immediately.

“And I will go and look after her myself.”

-At Jujutsu High-

Urgh, how much you hate opening your eyes since that fateful day. Yes, you are very much alive and in proud possession of all your limbs. But that’s it, basically.

“Hey, how you’re doing?”

“Better than yesterday, still not fine I guess.”

It haunts you. The pictures of Shibuya plague your mind day in day out. Closing your eyes means seeing all of their faces before they die, opening them reminds you of the fact that you survived despite losing everything else. The sight of your left eye, the ability to move your arms freely, your capability to walk a straight line. The fucking special grade curses hit you hard, burned you to the ground, sliced you open like a fish.

And now you’re laying here as one of the few people that survived Shibuya. Right next to Shoko who cares for you every free minute.

“So glad you didn’t tell me you hate your life again, pessimism doesn’t suit you at all. What would that boy say if he could hear you blow misery?”

That boy named Yuta. It seems like everyone except himself knows about the huge crush you have on him. Well, not very surprising considering the fact that you talk about him day in and out, asking whenever he’s doing fine in that foreign land before even saying hallo.

“Haven’t heard from him since that shit happened. My phone got kinda destroyed and well, most of the time I laid here passed out on the bed”, you reply briefly, staring at the ceiling with no aim.

Oh, how much you long for him, how much you miss to hear his comforting words in the middle of the night. But you know it wouldn’t be wise to tell him what happened. As far as you can tell, Yuta would take the next flight to Tokyo and stay by your side day and night. And even though that sounds more than appealing to you, you just know this isn’t what he needs. He needs to stay where he is, safe and sound while sharpening his abilities. And you aren’t on that list.

“Well, someone definitely told him.”

You squint your functioning eye, staring at the unbothered woman in front of you in confusion. What the hell is she talking about?

“Why are you saying that?”

“(y/n)!?”

Your heart stops, eyes widen. That voice. That oh so familiar voice you heard over the phone for these past months. The voice you dreamed of day and night. Can it really be…

“Yuta?” you breathe out, eye searching for his familiar figure.

Yes, is really is him, standing in the middle of the room with his familiar white uniform. He looks so…different. The dark circles under his eyes are completely gone by now, his dark blue eyes glooming in the dim light. He definitely is a few inches taller than last time, features more mature than before. And his hair…it seems like he finally began to style it a little.

Without hesitation he storms towards you, glistening orbs scanning what’s left of your crippled body.

Yuta feels like dying. You’ve been through so much; your usual bright eyes show nothing but emptiness and agony. What did they do to you? Why does it have to be you? You, the most precious human being walking on this earth. You, the girl he’s secretly in love with since that horrible fight over a year ago. He can’t stop the tears from taking his sight, hands desperately grabbing yours.

“I’m so sorry (y/n). I should have been by your side. I shouldn’t have left you here alone, I-“

“Shut up, Yuta”, you interrupt him before hearing another word.

“You shouldn’t be here. I didn’t expect our first meeting to be when I…look like this…”, you mumble, gaze avoiding him at any cost.

“What are you talking about, (y/n)?”

His heart hammers against his chest, hands on their way to gently caress your cheek when you just turn away.

“All this time I had the chance to tell you that I love you and now…Look at me. Shoko said I might be never able to see again, countless scars will be visible on my body for the rest of my life. My leg got completely destroyed, to the point where even she might not be able to fix it. I’m not the (y/n) you know anymore. I’m a shadow of myself”, you bark at him.

Fuck, don’t cry, don’t let feelings overwhelm you. After all, Nanami-san told you how well you fought.

Just before dying in front of your very own eyes.

Your hands begin to tremble uncontrollably again when pictured of all the death and misery flood your mind. Why can’t you just turn it off? Why aren’t you strong enough to outstand all of this? Desperately you hold your own head, squinting your eyes shut. Please, just let it stop. Let it all go away.

Yuta doesn’t think twice. Gently, he places his hands on top of yours while pressing your head against his chest. It’s just not fair. When he left, you wore your smile so effortlessly, your joyful personality radiating to the outside for everyone to see. But now…you look so broken it kills him from the inside.

“I love you too, (y/n). Just the way you are. No matter how injured, no matter how bad you feel. I will always see the striking (y/n) with the most breath-taking smile and the worst humour of all times in you. We’ll get through this together, okay? I won’t leave your side.”

You crumble against his chest, letting everything out your hid so well within these last couple of hours. Oh, how much you fucking missed him, how much you longed for his touch all this time. Is it really possible that he doesn’t care about your state? Could it really be that…

Yuta Okkotsu loves you the way you are?

“You don’t care about how miserable I am?”, you whimper, taking in his delicious scent that hasn’t change even after all this time.

“Not the slightest. But I will kill everyone who did this to you without blinking”, he remarks in all seriousness.

You gaze up at him. The unsure boy in him seems to be vanished in thin air, eyes filled with confidence while he balls his fists behind your head.

Yuta Okkotsu might have changed, but the tenderness he holds in his gaze when his eyes meet yours is still the same.

“I swear that nothing like this will ever happen again. I’ll stay here with your and will make sure you’re safe.”

Your glossy eyes widen, mind trying to process his words.

“But you…you weren’t even supposed to be here. You still have to train-“

“No training in the world is more important than you. I love you, (y/n). And even though I wasn’t able to admit it back then, I want to stay by your side.”

And then is lips meet yours. Before he losing the courage to finally do what he dreamed of countless nights, to make sure you understand how much you mean to him. He will make them pay for what they did to you, he will move heaven and earth to make sure they get the punishment they deserve.

But for now, he gently strokes your hair while kissing you with all the desire he hit over the past months, will all the love he holds for you.

“I’ll be there for you, okay? And I will kill every single one of them with my own hands.”

Tags: @arehzhera @ploylulla @tzubaki @beatrexworld @kenstarsworld @dazaisdick @hellkaiserinphoenix @lauv4chuuya @shadowfoxey @starlightanyaaa @sindela @kayleegomez @sunshine7queen @magalimachete @mokoartpost @gatitam @idontknow1123 @creative1writings @sanicsmut @mynahx3 @sad-darksoul @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix @chuyasthighs0 @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @wxwieeee @lovelyluna1 @froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso @gojosrealwife @coffeeluvr96 @mahi-tamashi

there you have it @lees-chaotic-brain I really hope you like it <3 I know this isn't your request yet but I thought you'll enjoy some Yuta content still @belovedvamp

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bratzforchris · 2 days

Text

Goldfish

Summary: Matt has a chronic illness that the nurses at his local clinic are all too familiar with. The new nurse in town hasn't had a chance to meet him yet, but what happens when she does?

Pairing: Matt x nursefem!reader

Warnings: Mentions of needles and blood, chronic illness, use of medical steroids, flirty nurse!reader (this is all fiction!), Matt is 20/reader is 23, Matt has a service dog!!

Word Count: Just over 2k

A/N: This is lowkey inspired by the experience I had a few days ago with a flirty nurse while I was in the ER (I'm still thinking about him--had me giggling n kicking my feet n shit like I was in a rom com [this is definitely a story time]). ANYWAY, Matt has PFAPA (my chronic illness!) here. It's usually a childhood thing, but some rare cases like myself don't grow out of it. You can read more about it here, if you'd like. Enjoy!!

Matt Sturniolo is all too familiar with his local pediatric emergency room. In fact, he’s been there so many times that the nurses have started to treat him as less of a patient, and more of a friend. “Hey Matt!”, “How’s YouTube going, Matt?”, “I remember you!”, “I saw you last time!”, and the list went on. Some might ask why he still went there at almost 21, but when you had a chronic illness, it was best to see the people who had been caring for you for years if you could. These nurses had been caring for him at least once a month, ever since he was 12, and were usually quite skilled in how to manage the brunette’s comfort.

Matt had PFAPA, which left him with high fevers and extremely sore, almost strep like sore throats every month. It was a miserable thing to live, and it really impacted his happiness, especially on days like today when he was having one of the worst flare ups he’d had in a long time and both Nick and Chris were unable to come along with him to the doctor. Luckily for Matt, he had his service dog, Emily, with him, but he still longed for a human companion as well. While some people wondered why he ‘needed’ a service dog, Matt’s disability was invisible. Emily would let him know when his flare ups were starting as well as laying on him to soothe his body aches and chills and helping with his anxiety at doctor visits.

The nurse tech took him into the back rather quickly, running their usual tests of strep, the flu, and COVID. About 98% of the time, they would all come back negative, but the hospital staff liked to do all they could to make Matt more comfortable. Sure enough, the nurse practitioner stepped in about 30 minutes later, a sad look on her face.

“How are you feeling, Matt?”

Matt shrugged, grimacing as his throat ached when he swallowed. “‘M not great.” he murmured, petting his pup’s head softly as the anxiety welled in his chest.

“Well, everything came back negative,” she told, a sad look on her face. “We can test you for mono, though. You have a lot of the symptoms for that. That one is a blood test. We’re also going to give you an IV since you’re dehydrated.”

That sentence alone made him want to cry. Despite the tattoos and piercings he had, Matt hated medical needles. They hurt and they freaked him out. Sensing his anxiety, Emily scooted closer to Matt, whining softly and butting his leg with her head. Matt pet the dog’s head softly, steadying himself to get his breath. “Okay…” he breathed, steadying himself.

The nurse practitioner patted his leg gently, hurrying out of the room to attend to her other patients. Matt began to panic, his breathing rapidly increasing as tears welled in his eyes. He didn’t want any of this. He just wanted them to tell him what was wrong so he could get some meds, go home, and sleep. Patting the bed he was laying on gently, Emily hopped up, curling into Matt’s side. The pooch rested her head on her owner’s chest, subconsciously working to slow the brunette’s heart rate.

A few minutes later, another nurse and a lab tech stepped into the small room he was in, holding a tray full of supplies. Matt squeezed his eyes shut tightly at the sight, already dreading the feeling of getting blood drawn. Both healthcare workers were very kind, of course, whispering soft nothings to him as they patted his leg and prepared to draw his blood. They promised him that the procedure would be quick and easy, but those words never mixed well with a chronic illness.

“Your vein rolled because you’re dehydrated. We’re going to have to draw from your other arm.” the lab tech informed him.

“O…kay.” Matt whispered shakily, trying to get his breath and the feeling in his hand back.

The brunette knew that it was okay to cry, but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing. He was a grown man, laying here in a kid’s hospital room, trying not to cry while they tried to draw his blood again in his right arm. Unfortunately for Matt, the dehydration he was experiencing from his extremely sore throat caused his vein to roll again.

“Oh sweetheart,” the nurse said sympathetically, patting his leg. “We’re going to give you a minute, okay? Let’s get some water and Gatorade in you before we try again.”

Matt just nodded as he was passed a mini water bottle and a cherry Gatorade. He was hearing their words, but honestly, he didn’t care. All he knew was that he was going to be poked and prodded again, and he didn’t like it. Emily snuggled into his side, whining softly and brushing her sandpaper tongue against her owner’s arm, trying desperately to get Matt to feel better.

“Alright, honey,” the sweet, older nurse stepped into Matt’s room again, holding a fresh tub of supplies to draw his blood. “Let’s try it in your left hand, okay?”

Because chronic illness never made things easy, the third time was still a failure, leaving Matt with an already bruising hand and tears pricking his eyes. Before he knew it, he was being shoved a packet of goldfish crackers, a popsicle, and more water, being informed that he had to eat before they could try again. The snacks felt like swallowing shrapnel, making the boy cringe every time he had to swallow.

“Hello, oldest patient of the day!” You cheered, practically walking into Matt’s room on a cloud of glitter.

Matt jumped in shock, petting his dog’s head to calm his racing heart. “...hi…” he mumbled.

“They called me in for backup,” You explained, a smile on your face. You absolutely loved nursing, and every day at your job truly felt like a gift. You’d graduated from nursing school last year at the top of your class and had been working in the pediatric emergency room ever since. It wasn’t every day that you had a patient who was 20, but you didn’t mind. “We’re getting this blood draw this time so you can get the fuck out of here,” You slapped a hand over your mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry. I hope you don’t mind if I curse.”

For the first time all day, a small giggled made its way out of Matt’s mouth. “No, I’m okay.”

“I see you have a buddy,” You commented. “That’s nice.”

“She helps my…anxiety.” Matt seemingly chose his words carefully, but they still made you smile. It was clear that the boy had a bond with his pup.

“I’m gonna look at your tonsils first so we can get you some medicine to help you swallow and then we’ll draw your blood, okay?” You asked, wanting to make sure your patient was comfortable with everything.

At the mention of a blood draw, Matt’s blue eyes widened with anxiety, his body becoming visibly tense. You had become in tune with this, sliding on a pair of pink latex gloves and patting the soft material of the pajama pants on his knee.

“Hey, look at me,” You murmured softly, waiting for his response. Once Matt had looked at you, you chugged on. “We’re just chilling, okay? I’m not going to do anything yet.”

Matt nodded, letting out an anxious breath he’d been holding. “Okay.” he whispered.

You grabbed the flashlight to look in his throat off the wall. “Alright, I’m pretty sure you know the drill,” You chuckled. “Open and say ‘ahhh!’...oh yeah, you’ve got an icky throat. That looks like it hurts. Although…did you have a blue popsicle? You’ve got blue tonsils. It’s rather endearing.”

Matt flushed, his ears going red as he nodded. You smiled softly, throwing away the cap and hanging the flashlight back on the wall. You gave the boy the steroidal liquid the nurse practitioner had drawn up for him to ease the swelling in his throat, a blush creeping onto your face as Matt scrunched his eyes up at the disgusting taste, quite literally making grabby hands for his Gatorade.

“Fuck, that’s gross.” he whined.

“At least you got it over with!” You hummed cheerfully, in a small aim to make him feel better. “Unfortunately, it’s time for the bad part, but we can make it a little less shitty if you want? Maybe you could play me some music? Something you like, okay?”

Matt fiddled with his phone for a moment before landing on Dominic Fike’s latest release. You smiled at the lyrics, releasing this was one of your favorite songs at the moment. You prepped the materials needed to finally get Matt’s blood drawn for the mono test, patting his knee gently in an effort to calm his trembling frame as he rubbed his pup’s head.

“Hey, can I tell you something?” You whispered shyly, setting him up for the procedure. “You’ve got goldfish in your teeth–it’s really cute.” You giggled, your own cheeks becoming red.

The brunette whined, breathing deeply as you began to draw his blood. “That’s embarrassing.” he grunted.

A few deep breaths and small, sad noises later, you had finally gotten the sample needed. “We got it!” You told Matt excitedly, placing a Barney band aid across the site. “All done!”

You bustled around the room, making sure Matt was comfortable, throwing away your supplies, and making notes on your clipboard. You helped the boy drink water and got him (and Emily) a blanket, before taking his samples down to the lab to get checked out. By the time everything was said and done, an hour had passed and Matt was asleep against the small bed when you knocked on his door.

“Hey sleepyhead,” You giggled, stepping into the room. “Nice nap?” Matt fisted his eyes, nodding as you went over his discharge instructions. You always hated releasing patients with no explanations or answers as to why they felt so bad, but in cases like Matt’s, that wasn’t always possible. Your best bet was to make him as comfortable as possible here. “Do you have any questions?”

The brunette shook his head, finally able to speak now that the steroids were beginning to work their magic on his throat. “No, but thank you. You’ve been the best nurse I’ve had all day…maybe even ever.”

You blushed at the compliment, helping the boy stand since you knew he was already exhausted, dehydrated, and lightheaded from having his blood drawn. “Do you need help getting to your car? I actually just got off.” You murmured shyly, glancing at the clock on the wall.

Despite Matt’s steadiness on his feet and his grip on Emily’s leash, the blue-eyed boy nodded all the same, a quietly flustered look crossing his face. You smiled yourself, maneuvering Matt out to his car with a firm, yet gentle hand on his lower back. Thankfully, the waiting room had quieted down quite a bit now that it was nearing the evening, so no one questioned or pulled you away from walking Matt out. It was a slow trek with your patient being a bit unsteady on his feet, but you didn’t mind. Matt’s presence made you happy in an odd sort of way; you hated that he wasn’t well and that this would continue to happen for him, but you couldn’t stop your mind from thinking about seeing him again.

“I um…I hope this isn’t weird, but I would really like to see you again. Maybe another time? When you’re not in pain?” You coughed and chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck.

He smiled as he slid into the driver’s seat, rubbing his aching head that was seemingly getting better just by being around you. “I’d like that,” he offered. “I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Matt didn’t end up leaving his trip to the hospital with many answers beside the usual ‘It’s your chronic illness’, but what he did end up leaving with was your phone number scribbled onto a pink sticky note that he had been given in the parking lot.

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dreamauri · 9 months

Text

♪ — 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗕𝗟𝗘, 𝗕𝗨𝗧 𝗢𝗛 𝗪𝗘𝗟𝗟 max verstappen x fem! reader (fluff) “. . . oops didnt ean to reveal that *cough cough*.”

( main master list | more of max verstappen ) ( requests | taglist )

youruser

liked by pieregasly charles_leclerc and 97M others youruser yeahhhh . . . he cant swim

maxverstappen1 I CAN ↳ youruser -n't, i was carrying you on my back the whole time, he was looking for me in the last picture ↳ maxverstappen1 STOP EMBARESSING ME ↳ youruser he doesn't know how to make coffee ↳ maxverstappen1 Y/N!!

danielriccardo and i wasn't invited??!! ↳ youruser and he wasn't invited

redbullracing paddle boarding, ✅ ↳ youruser that doesn't count, he kept falling ↳ maxverstappen1 STOP GIVING ME AWAY ↳ youruser oh hey maximus

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maxverstappen1

liked by pieregasly danielriccardo and 67M others maxverstappen1 thats my wife ❤️

user escuze me?! WIFE? WHAT KIND OF NEW INFORMATION

youruser I HOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO WAIT WITH THE REVEAL ↳ danielriccardo mate what've you done ↳ maxverstappen1 ..i forgot ↳ youruser MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN ↳ maxverstappen1 i love you, have mercy ↳ charles_leclerc good luck mate ↳ maxverstappen1 XHARLES HELP EMJEGVV ↳ alex_albon We gather here today to celebrate the life of max verstappen, who has written in his will that i take his redbull seat, may he rest in pieces ↳ danielriccardo I called dibs first damnit

user they're married now???!!!

user the difference between their posts about each other 😭👍

youruser should've posted the one where you kept holding my hand ↳ landonorris i want to see scared max ↳ maxverstappen1 i wasn't scared, she kept swimming off to god knows where ↳ youruser you love me ↳ maxverstappen1 i do

user wait so these are honeymoon pics! SCORE

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youruser

liked by pieregasly landonorris and 98M others youruser Y/N Verstappen, how does that sound?

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maxverstappen1

liked by pieregasly redbullracing and 100M others maxverstappen1 Y/N Verstappen sounds lovely ❤️

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