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#wait no they're not rodents

pixelmischief · 11 months

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So many opossum mamas!!!! Wonder where their babies are........ They should be trailing behind them!!

#opossum #mama possum #pixel art #perler art #perler beads #pixpopart #low poly #low poly opossum #cute rodent #wait no they're not rodents #cute marsupial

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incorrectbatfam · 2 months

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Regardless of what the other anon thinks, what wings would YOU give the batfam?

Dick: flying fish wings because they're impressive in a way that you never wanna encounter

Jason: angel wings because he's Bruce's perfect little boy who can do no wrong

Tim: whatever wings Red Bull supposedly gives

Damian: color-changing robin wings to piss his siblings off

Duke: pterodactyl wings because like I said it'd be fucking hilarious how jealous Bruce would get

Cullen: bluebird wings to piss his sister off

Stephanie: buffalo wings with the power of hot sauce

Cassandra: ostrich wings because she doesn't need to fly to be terrifying

Barbara: beetle wings built into her wheelchair as a shield and to give Ted Kord a run for his money

Harper: winged car doors so she can achieve her dream of being a Transformer

Carrie: pegasus wings because she gives Horse Girl energy

Kate: bat wings to piss Bruce off

Helena: dragon wings because she would make the best use of them

Luke: airplane wings built into his suit because he'd rather design his own than wait to be given them

Bette: phoenix wings because Flamebird (but also she'd leave ashes everywhere to fuck with people)

Alfred: The West Wing, as in he can magically summon copies of the show

Selina: flying squirrel wings since squirrels are basically the cats of rodents

Bruce: the entire wing of a fucking building

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cloudcountry · 11 months

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the song from ratatouille is stuck in my head so…

housewardens + rook waking in on thier s/o “cooking dinner” but in reality it’s being cooked by a French rat

SUMMARY: Their S/O cooking dinner with a multitalented rat they found in Ramshackle.

WARNINGS: None!!

COMMENTS: my character limit is five so i picked the housewardens C: i woke UP to this request and i was like ".,,,,,.,. What" HELP

also, i decided that ramshackle would have rats because its old and that mc could bond with them because its Twisted Wonderland and they're bonding with ghosts so its not even weird.

rip to anyone that goes by remy /lh

Riddle does a double take, but is honestly not that weirded out by you and the rodent’s...cooperation. After all, The Queen of Hearts had many critters in her kingdom that helped out with various tasks.

He would eat the dinner without complaint and thank you for letting him stay over, still as formal as ever. When you’re insistent that he should thank the rat instead, he turns his attention to him and thanks him for the meal.

The rat, which you call Remy, squeaks back. Riddle nods thoughtfully and smiles, leaving you wondering what exactly your new friend said. Curse your inability to learn animal linguistics!

Azul is worried about the sanitation of your kitchen when he sees you making dinner with a rat. Wait...wait, a rat? You’re making dinner with a rodent?!

He’s a bit nervous about eating the food, but when he sees you enjoying it, he tentatively takes a bite. It doesn’t help that the rodent you called Remy is staring at him expectantly.

Azul is pleasantly surprised when it’s good!! Starts coming up with a scheme to get Remy in the Mostro Lounge kitchen. If you’re wondering why your lover is squeaking at him and Remy’s squeaking back, that's why.

Kalim doesn’t even blink. Of course you’re friends with the little guy!! Aww, his name is Remy? What a nice name!! Kalim thinks all you need to be friends with animals is kindness and compassion so this isn’t weird to him at all.

He eats the meal Remy and you prepared for him without batting an eye. He praises everything about it and shakes Remy’s little paw. Kalim earned a new friend that day.

Once he goes back to his dorm and tells Jamil about his meal that was made by you and your rodent friend named Remy, Jamil gets a headache.

Rook sees the rodent in your kitchen and is immediately talking to him like they’re best friends. “Bonjour, monsieur! What meal shall you create for me today?” The rat squeaks back and Rook nods thoughtfully.

“Mon coeur, how did you manage to make friends with a rat when you cannot partake in animal linguistics?” “Uh...I gave him cheese and a strawberry and he was super into it. Also he’s a good cook and a good baker. He squeaked very loudly at me when I mixed up the baking powder and baking soda.”

Rook savors the meal and swoons in his chair. Remy looks pleased, and you’re glad he isn’t weirded out by your boyfriend’s antics.

Idia is used to eating shitty packaged food, so you insisted on making him a meal. You did not tell him that you made meals with a rodent that you made friends with and he apparently has a name?!

He doesn’t want to offend this Remy guy, so he eats what’s in front of him. He’s weirded out when it tastes good and thinks that maybe, just maybe, this rat had some crazy secret super rare ingredient that made everything taste delicious.

When you ask him what he thought, he mumbles about how it was nice. He guesses. Ortho is thrilled to hear about this little rat chef and drags Idia over to Ramshackle the next door, much to Idia’s shame and embarrassment.

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little-annie · 1 year

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They have to tell them. They have to tell Dustin. They have to tell Robin. They have to tell the kids.

Over the last week, while lying in bed curled into each other, while eating breakfast pressed as close as they could manage, while snuggled up for yet another movie night, they talked about it, discussed how they'd break the news to everyone.

They knew Robin would be easy, accepting, because, well, the whole lesbian platonic soul mate of it all.

They had a hunch Will would feel some sense of relief, belonging, acceptance in himself and they hoped the young Wheeler would experience the same.

They knew it'd be okay, but there was always that itching nerve of anxiety saying, 'What if?' 'What if it's not okay.' 'What if it's really not okay and they'll never see any of their little nuggets again because they're too disgusted to even look them in the eye?'

But they had to tell them. No two ways about it. They had to tell them or someone was going to find out on their own and shit would hit the fan.

But firstly, they have to tell Dustin.

So here they sit in the Harrington house, Steve and Eddie side by side on the couch mere inches apart as Dustin sits on the coffee table in front of them, waiting and impatient.

"So? What was it you two were wanting to tell me?"

The two eldest boys turn to look at each other.

Steve, nerves evident on his face, brow furrowed, cheeks tinting red, bottom lip worried between his teeth, he sighs, shakey, scared and too fucking nervous.

And without even thinking, without even caring that Dustin's literally a foot in front of them, Eddie reaches out. Because he has to, because his boy is scared and it's crushing him to not be holding him right now. His ringed hand moves to Steve's thigh, giving a gentle squeeze before shifting his grip to take Steve's hand in his own, lacing their fingers together.

Steve tenses for a moment, eyes flashing to Dustin before he looks to Eddie and visibly relaxes, shifting closer, thigh now pressed to Eddie's, slouching with relief.

Dustin's eyes are wide, darting between the two men and their clasped hands. They can see the nerves creeping into his expression and suddenly this feels so much harder but before they can manage words, Dustin speaks, "Oh my god, is someone dying? Are one of you dying? Steve, do you have butt cancer? Oh my god. Oh my god, you're dying."

The kid shakes his head, hand moving to remove his hat and tug at his curls, " We can't do this shit without you. We'd be a wreck. You're like the best thing that's happened to us. You're like the Party's weird mom. You're getting treatment right? Is it going okay? Is Eddie driving you? Eddie, are you driving him? Are you taking care of him? Please say you're taking care of him."

The two men look between each, their clasped hands, Dustin and his expression that's nearing tears. They're speechless. They try to speak only to be interrupted. "I'm moving in, I'll help, I'll cook, I'll clean. Well, Eddie can cook and clean and I'll keep you company. Be the comedic relief. We can plan your funeral together. Do you want to be cremated? Or a rotting corpse in the ground for all the rodents to eat? Do you-"

"Dustin," Eddie carefully speaks

"Do you want me to-"

"Dustin," Steve repeats his boyfriend's words

"Shut up I'm talki-"

"We're dating!" Steve and Eddie both say with a shout, lifting their joined hands shaking them in Dustin's face

The kid cocks his head to the side, brow raised in question, "So Steve's not dying?"

"No"

"And you're together?"

"Yes?" Steve says like he's not entirely sure. Which is dumb. Because he is. But he's still nervous of how Dustin is going to handle this type of news. It's not 'Butt Cancer' (Jesus Christ this kid,) nothing even close, but it's still news. Unexpected and scary to reveal.

"Are you asking me?"

"Would it be okay if we were?" Eddie, somehow the calm voice of reason in this situation

Dustin almost seems offended at the moment, a weird look of shock appearing on his face only just now, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Um, because that's gay?" Steve says, watching Dustin grimace at the remark

"And?"

"You're fine with that?"

"Well, Steve, does Eddie treat you well?"

Steve nods, kinda baffled by the whiplash of this whole conversation

"And Eddie, does Steve treat you well?"

"Yeah,"

"Well then, it's fine." Dustin slaps his hands to his thighs standing up from his position on the coffee table, a teasing smirk on his face, "Congratulations I guess. Just don't get Steve pregnant."

Eddie cackles while Steve sputters "That can't ev-"

Totally ignoring the pair still seated on the couch, Dustin is already making his way to the front door with Steve's keys in hand, "Now, how about the arcade?"

#steddie fic #steddie fanfiction #steddie fandom #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #eddie x steve #steddie headcanon #steddie #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #stevexeddie

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shotmrmiller · 7 days

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i need Simon who works at a pet store after retirement, always there to grab the little kitten out of its cage to let you hold, holding large dogs like they're babies

wait wait he works at that daycare center thing they have and you bring your snarling rodent of a dog, (he's your moms or something) and you tell him to please be careful, this little shit while cute bites like a motherfucker and simon's got the golden touch.

he's terrible with humans though, won't look you in the eye and gives you an occasional grunt or two in conversation.

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archangeldyke-all · 3 months

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thinking ab sev and vampire reader again.. (im obsessed if u cant tell)

what if sevika walked in on vampire reader ranting to their pet bat about how annoying hunting for food can be and their bat seemingly responding back (like understanding what shes saying) ? my asks are literally so odd but like.. i think she'd be so fucking confused LMAOO

thinking about it being a vampire bat also cause.. it just makes sense lol

black reader pleaseee <33

eeeeek im so glad u guys like this little story! i'm gonna combine this with another suggestion i got!

now you know damn well you got us fiending for vampire!reader drinkin sev’s blood….. ohmygod just imagining it is making me giddy. like it feels sososo good but sevika has to pry reader off of her after a few mins bc she’s starting to get a lil lightheaded, and reader thought she’d be able to control herself better but nah 😋

same disclaimer as last time! i'm white, and this is a black reader, so please lmk if i get anything wrong and i'll fix it asap :)

men and minors dni

sevika wakes up to the sound of... squeaking?

she sits up in bed, rubbing her eyes before she stands and quietly pads into the living room.

she's woken up to a lot of strange shit since she started dating you.

you hovering over her and admiring her sleeping face, your cat laying on her head and purring away, you feeding on a rat in the kitchen, various combs and gels and bundles of hair littering the bed as you braid your hair while you wait for her to wake... but this is something new.

you've got the window open, and fluttering back in forth in front of you is a little... bird? sevika squints her eyes. no... not a bird... what is that?

"no i know it's so fucking annoying!" you groan. the squeaking happens again, and sevika furrows her brows, her eyes adjusting to the dark. the squeaking halts, and you stick a finger out, and the little creature comes to latch onto it. "hahaha!" you laugh. "dude, you're hilarious. no-- but have you ever accidentally fed on a poisioned rat?"

the squeaking continues, the little creature adjusting on your finger. sevika blinks again. it's... a bat?? you snort.

"right, you're too small for rats. poisoned mice then?" you ask.

the bat squeaks in response.

sevika shakes her head.

"it's the fucking worst dude! be careful, okay? avoid the slow ones-- it means they're dying from it." the bat squeaks in response and you laugh. "i know they're easier to catch, but you'll get sick!"

"are you talking to a fucking bat right now?" sevika asks. you turn your head, shocked to see her in the doorway. the bat flutters on your finger, its face turning toward you as well. she snorts.

"oh, hey sev." you say. there's a squeak, and you look at your little companion. "my girlfriend, sevika." you say, smiling. the bat squeaks repeatedly, and you laugh. "he wants to know if you're a human." you translate. sevika blinks.

"and he can understand me?" she asks, still frozen in the doorway. you wave her over, and she hesitantly approaches. "babe... that's a fucking rodent. you've got a rodent, in our house." she says. there's an indignant squeak and you gasp.

"he's not a fucking rodent, he eats rodents, don't be rude!" you exclaim. sevika snorts and comes up to your side, warily eyeing your little friend. your bat friend squeaks at her. you chuckle. "i know, right?"

"what'd he say?" she asks. you blink, a guilty look on your face. sevika grins. "c'mon, tell me." she says, wrapping her arm around your shoulder. you sigh.

"he said you smell good. that he should feed off of you."

"hm." she says, looking at you. "and you agree?" she asks.

"no." you say, shaking your head. "i'd get too jealous." you say. sevika snorts, and your bat friend squeaks, and you sigh. "alright, go ahead, but just be safe, okay? and come back next week, i'll get you a proper perch and everything." you say. your bat friend flutters, swooping in a circle before taking off into the night. sevika watches it go, still processing what she's woken up to.

"honestly, i don't think i'm ever gonna get used to all the strange shit you get up to." she mumbles. you giggle, reaching forward to close the window, then turning around to wrap sevika up in your arms.

"you are supposed to be sleeping." you say. sevika smiles.

"can't sleep without my bodyguard." she says. you giggle.

"c'mon back to bed for the two of us. i'll keep watch." you say, dragging sevika toward your bedroom. she doesn't move. you pause, looking back over your shoulder at her. she's smirking. "what?" you ask. she shrugs.

"i smell good, huh?" she asks. you roll your eyes.

"you already knew that, sev." you say. she giggles, pulling you back toward her.

"and you'd get jealous of your little friend?" she asks. you chuckle.

"i would. you're mine." you say, pressing a kiss to her cheek. she grins.

"but... you still haven't fed from me yet." she says.

"sev, not this again." you groan. she chuckles.

"yes, this again." she says. "c'mon, babe, how many times am i gonna have to fuckin' beg you to get those teeth in me?" she asks. you giggle.

"you know why i'm... hesitant." you say. sevika rolls her eyes.

"you think you'll fuckin' drain me." she says. "as if you don't get full on a pint and a half."

"but you're you." you say. "you're... so fucking delicious. in so many ways. i'm already fucking addicted to you, and i haven't even tasted your blood yet."

sevika smiles. "honey." she says, kissing your lips. "i'm yours. for as long as you'll have me--"

"forever." you say, interrupting her. sevika grins, and butterflies flutter in your stomach. you've told her before-- vampires mate for life. and if sevika ever wishes, you've told her time and time again that you'd be honored to change her so she can spend eternity with you. forever.

"exactly." she says. "baby, you know you'll have to bite me to change me." she says. you groan and roll your eyes.

"well, duh." you say. "but that's different--"

"please!" she cries. you blink. "please, babe, i'm fucking dying for it. i wanna... i wanna be the one who makes you warm. want it to be my blood pumpin' through you, giving you life. at least for a few years, before we gotta hunt together, yeah?" she asks, blinking at you with big eyes.

you gulp. sevika always manages to catch you off guard with the stupidly romantic shit she says to you. your hands are shaking at your sides, and your fangs are begging to descend from your gums. "sev--"

"and i don't give a fuck about your vampire strength, i could still take you in a fight. so if you drink too much i'll just shove you off!" she says.

"sevi--"

"c'mon baby please! i want it so bad--"

"sevika!" you laugh. she blinks. "fine." you say.

"fine?" she asks.

"let's... let's do it." you say, grinning. she blinks, then bursts into laughter.

"really!?" she asks. you chuckle and swoop forward to kiss her lips. she moans against you, wrapping her arms around your hips. she pulls away with a gasp, grinning at you. "where should we do it? should i set down towels? do i need to do like, a detox or something? or should i be drunk so you can get drunk too?" she asks, speaking at a mile a minute. your smile only grows, until your cheeks are aching.

"baby--"

"shit, this is so fucking exciting. i've been waiting for mont--"

"sevika!" you interrupt her again, reaching up to put a finger over her lips. she blinks at you, giddy. "take me to bed, babe." you say. sevika gulps and then nods.

you've got her sprawled out beneath you, her hands gripping your hips as she squirms under you. she's already looking at you with hazy, love-drunk eyes, and you haven't even bitten her yet. you grin down at her.

"you're sure?" you ask. sevika groans.

"baby-- please!" she whines. "i'm-- i can't-- if you make me wait any longer i'm gonna fucking die!" she wails. you laugh.

"you're not gonna die."

"yes i am!" she says, hysterically, reaching up to grab your head and pull it down toward her neck. you squeal.

"sev!" you laugh, dodging her neck to press your lips against hers. this satiates her a bit, and she stops squirming enough to hum against your mouth.

"i love you." she whispers against your lips. you smile.

"i love you too." you say. "i've never..." you trail off, and sevika blinks up at you.

"never what?" she asks.

"i've never done this with someone who i wasn't trying to kill. or wasn't blackout drunk." you say. she smirks.

"so, i'm your first?" she asks. you roll your eyes.

"shut up."

"fuck." she shivers. "if it makes you feel any better, you're poppin' my vampire cherry too." she grins. you groan.

"shut up!"

"why don't you make me?" she asks, lifting up her chin, baring her throat to you. you shiver on top of her.

"if it hurts--"

"i'll tell you." she says.

"i--" you trail off, gulping. you can see the pulse under her skin, you can hear her heartbeat. you lick your teeth, and your fangs descend. sevika gasps.

"fuck that's hot." she whispers. you bite your cheek.

"i love you." you whisper. she smiles up at you.

"i love you t-- oh!" she gasps as you duck down dragging your teeth against the tender flesh of her neck. you nip and kiss against it, darting your tongue out to lick against her pulse point. she whimpers. "b-baby." she whines. you hum against her. "plea--" she doesn't get the chance to finish.

you sink your fangs into her throat, groaning as the first drop of her blood hits your tongue.

sevika jolts underneath you, her hands clawing into your hips, gasping as the pain wracks through her body. you quickly push your saliva against your puncture wound, and groan in satisfaction as sevika's body relaxes beneath you as pleasure of begins to enter her system.

once she's relaxed, you retract your teeth, then purse your lips around the two puncture wounds and begin sucking.

sevika tastes like heaven. ambrosia. liquid fucking gold.

you moan against her neck, suddenly fucking ravenous as you gulp down mouthful after mouthful of her blood.

beneath you, sevika's encouraging you. the sweet little whimpers and whines she's letting out make you fucking dizzy, and when she starts squeezing her thighs together you groan.

you quickly adjust on top of her, snaking your hand down her body and into her pants. sevika gasps.

"please!" she begs. you chuckle against her, and slip your fingers down to begin working against her clit in gentle, slow circles. a full body shudder wracks through her body. "f-fuck baby, holy shit." she whimpers. you hum against her. "you're never feeding from anyone else ever again. ever. shit! fu-fuck me, please fuck me-- feels so fucking good."

you groan, a drip of her blood escaping your mouth, trickling down your chin. you shove your hands further down her pants, soaking your fingers with her arousal before teasing against her hole. she's pulsing against your finger tips, in time with the roaring beat of her heart.

you groan again, and sink two fingers inside of her to the hilt, unable to control yourself enough to be gentle. sevika doesn't seem to mind, if anything, she seems to fucking love it.

"yeah, yeah, yeah, baby, shit! you're the best thing that's ever fuckin' happened to me, oh fuck!" she groans. you shiver on top of her, your fingers slamming in and out of her cunt, pressing against her spongy g-spot on every thrust.

you can barely make it out over the strong beat of her heart, the heavy breaths you're taking through your nose, the clicking of your throat as you gulp her down-- but sevika's cunt is fucking squelching, and her arousal is soaking her pajama pants and your fingers.

you're-- you're so fucking drunk on her. you've never felt this good during a feed, ever. even when you drain an entire body, even when you're killing an abuser and he's screaming in pain beneath you, even when you're drinking from a drunkard's neck and the warmth of the alcohol is settling in your veins. this is heaven.

"i'm gonna--" sevika doesn't finish her sentence, cumming around your fingers with a scream. "baby!" she wails. you don't stop fucking her, you just growl against her neck and continue pounding into her cunt.

she's shivering beneath you, her hands clawing into your hips. you're sure you'll have bruises tomorrow, but you don't give a shit.

your cunt's pulsing in your own pants, and you start to grind down on sevika's thigh. she just squeaks-- completely overwhelmed.

"b-babe--" sevika mutters. you groan against her. "i'm gonna cum again, shit-- cum with me, please, you feel so fucking good, i'm so fucking in love with you, oh my god i love you, i love you i love you i love yo-- ah fuck!" she cries, cumming again, her cunt clenching around your fingers hard enough for your knuckle bones to crush against each other.

you groan and cum against her thigh, shaking and nearly hyperventilating on her neck with how hard you're heaving breaths to keep drinking from her.

sevika grabs your wrist, and you pull your fingers out of her cunt, shooting your hand up to shove them down her throat. she groans around your fingers and you chuckle against her neck, and sevika sighs the prettiest little sigh you've ever heard come from her lips beneath you.

"shit, honey." she garbles around your fingers. you hum, and sevika grunts. "sh-shit."

suddenly, sevika's hand comes up to grab your hair by the roots, pulling you away from her neck. you blink down at her, suddenly aware of your surroundings now that her blood's not filling your mouth.

"are you--"

"lightheaded." she mumbles, grinning up at you. you giggle, bending back down to lick at her wounds, waiting until the blood stops flowing before pressing a kiss against her throat.

you continue to trail kisses up her neck, over her jaw, until you meet her lips. she hums against you, and you grin.

"are you okay?" you ask. she giggles like she's high.

"i'm fucking amazing." she whispers. you giggle.

"you're suffering from severe blood loss."

"i'm in love with you. let's get married."

you burst into laughter, feeling warm and satiated and so fucking in love with the woman beneath you.

"okay." you say. sevika's eyes widen.

"fuck, really?" she asks, grinning. you shrug.

"ask me again in the morning when you've got your red blood cell count back up and you've got yourself a deal." you say. "but-- once you start gettin' old i'm turning you." you say. "you sure you wanna do eternity tied to me?" you ask. she grins.

"i'm gonna miss bein' your bloodbag once i'm a vampire." she says. you giggle.

"you did it once!"

"we're doin' it every day from now until you turn me." she says, smiling up at you. you laugh.

"i'm not that hungry!"

"i don't give a fuck, we're doin' it for me!" she says. you grin, then duck down to kiss her again. she sighs against your lips.

"i love you." you say. sevika smiles.

"i love you too. i've never been so happy to have a stalker before." she says. you giggle.

"stay here, i'm gonna get you some orange juice." you say as you float above her body. you feel fucking amazing, full of life and magic. sevika smiles up at you.

"come back quick. i miss you already."

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki

#sevika #sevika imagine #sevika arcane #sevika x reader #sevika x you #soft sevika #sevika smut

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ittybluebell · 2 months

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Roommate | Daredevil G/T | Chapter 1

AO3

Matt Murdock didn't have anything against mice. He'd never been personally harrassed by one, but he understood the need to get rid of them. One easily turned into a dozen and with all the mess and digging into food, eviction was necessary. Despite how many rodents he heard daily, it wasn't something he thought about. The only reason mice were on his mind now was because one had moved into the floor, and he could hear it moving around as he laid in bed.

Now, like he said, Matt didn't have anything against mice.

Scrtch-scrtch-tick.

This one, however, was pushing its luck.

It showed up one night, moving in when he was out vigilante-ing and he only noticed the next day. At first, he didn't care. It was alone and hadn't yet realized there was food in his apartment. He had other, more pressing issues than a single mouse. It was a benign little thing - hardly a problem. Most nights, he could ignore the pitter-pattering and scraping or put in his noise-canceling earbuds.

Tonight, the mouse was too loud for earbuds. As he tossed and turned, Matt fumed, wondering what that rodent could possibly be up to. Rearranging furniture? Fuck, it sounded like it. Little mouse furniture.

Enough was enough. Matt threw a pillow at the floor and told the thing to shut up. To his surprise, it did. Matt sighed and finally went to sleep.

From that night on, he noticed a drastic decline in his downstairs neighbor's noise pollution.

How silly it was, Matt thought during a good mood, holding a grudge toward an animal. Especially one that was polite enough to let him sleep in peace.

Oh, how naïve he was.

The mouse quickly reinstated its grudge status when Matt noticed things going missing. It started with the bagels - a hole in the bag he noticed because the scent of bagel was particularly strong. Upon investigation, he discovered there was a complete lack of crumbs. And a chunk discreetly chewed from the middle. From there, things escalated. He smelled the shift in the air, smelled the remnants of another living being in his apartment. Little objects went missing - things even a seeing person might miss. But not Matt Murdock.

The sock was the last straw.

"What's the best bait for mouse traps?" Matt asked as soon as he entered the office.

"Cheese?" Foggy answered, confused. "Why? Do you have mice?"

"One. One mouse."

"How d- nevermind. Let me guess - you can't sleep."

"It's taking my stuff."

Foggy laughed. Karen huffed.

"At least tell me you're using non-lethal," said Karen. Upon his silence, she aww'd sadly. "Matt, no. It's just a mouse. You can't kill it."

"They're pests," said Foggy.

"But they're so cute. It just wants a place to live."

"Karen-" started Matt.

"No, no, she's got a point." Foggy spun his chair around. "Matt, you can't kill it! So cute and fuzzy!"

The lawyer-by-day, vigilante-by-night groaned. "Fine, I won't. Just stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Foggy, I can feel your eyes fake-tearing up."

Matt bought some glue traps and baited them with peanut butter. When Karen told him glue traps were worse - "They're so inhumane, Matt!" - he assured her that he'd know when the mouse got stuck; it wouldn't suffer. As much as the thing annoyed him, Karen was right: he wasn't going to abandon his no-killing rule for one mouse. (One mouse that must have a vendetta against him. He would not stoop to its level.) What kind of hypocrite would he be, huh?

The traps were set. Now to wait.

And wait.

A week passed. No mouse was caught. When he listened to its movement, he realized it was avoiding the spots he'd trapped. Avoiding the usual routes.

Smart. For a rodent. But Matt was smarter.

More traps, different bait. Traps disguised as the food and objects he'd noticed go missing, even the mate to his missing sock. It couldn't resist now.

Days passed.

Evidently, it could resist.

Foggy teased him about being outsmarted by an animal. Karen was on the mouse's side. Somebody must've told Jessica because he got a condescending text offering her services. Traitors, every one of them.

It all came to a head one terrible Friday night. Matt was already in a bad mood when he got home from work but going out, hearing and feeling New York City, pushed him over the edge. He was annoyed, his brain was overstimulated, and he just wanted to rest. The rooftop access door shut behind him and he threw his helmet into its trunk, about to shed the rest when the distinct sound of scratching and plastic crinkling in the kitchen cupboard caught his ear.

Matt stilled. It was here.

He marched with purpose toward the sounds.

That little bastard wasn't getting away this time. Catching it would be a satisfying end to a crappy day.

The mouse started fleeing before he was even close. It was headed for the other end of the cupboards - a hole in the floor Matt wasn't aware of but now could sense the air flowing from within. He'd have to seal that in the mor-

Mice didn't run on two legs.

Matt cocked his head, listening to the pattern of footfalls. He'd never cared to pay attention, but now it was impossible to miss. He knew what scurrying rodents sounded like. Whatever was in his kitchen, it was no rodent. It was bipedal. A bird? No, not with that speed. Not with that gait. He needed a closer examination.

Matt threw open the cupboard door. The first thing to hit his senses was the scent of corn chips.

The second was the heartbeat.

The creature's heart pounded swiftly in its chest. Air rushed from a mouth that was too upright for any kind of animal, a nose too humanlike. Small shoes hit the baseboard as it ran. Fabric rustled the same way he heard every single day in the street - like clothing.

Matt got lower, needing to be closer, needing to examine this little anomaly. How it moved, how it sounded, how uncannily familiar it was.

The living shape that his senses created was so alike to people that he was too shocked to outwardly react.

The little thing escaped into the floor, and Matt Murdock was left crouching there. Slowly, he shut the door. He took off the suit, dressed his wounds, and went to bed, his mind racing.

His body was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. Not when he was tracking the creature's movements. Every scrape, every soft thud of a step, the whisper-

Whispering?

"You're fine. He didn't see you. There's no way…"

Whispering. Okay.

Matt pretended he didn't hear anything and put in his earbuds. That was a tomorrow-Matt problem.

Unfortunately for tomorrow-Matt, another problem knocked on his door first. That problem rhymed with Stank Hassle and didn't like to be ignored. Frank did offer coffee when they left so at least it wasn't a total bust. It was a good opportunity to get Matt out of his head; to get a clear perspective of the night before. Matt decided he was exhausted and hallucinating. The alternative was a tiny person living in the walls of his apartment. Delusion was easier.

Delusion was also what kept the borrower from abandoning the apartment altogether.

Call them stubborn, or stupid, but Finch didn't want to leave. Borrowers could only get so lucky. Landing a decent apartment with an oblivious bean was a rare opportunity, and Finch had no intention of giving it up. They would use this good fortune. Even if they didn't deserve it.

Finch shook off the guilt following that thought.

They spent the first week setting up: finding a place to sleep and tidying it up, living off the rations they packed. They got a lay of the land, surveying the apartment and its infrastructure. The excessively bright billboard directly in front of the living room window, the kitchen, and - most importantly - the bean. Light - or lack thereof - was never an issue for him. Not once did he flip a switch or so much as use his phone, which read texts aloud to him. He hardly looked at whatever claimed his attention. Everything added up to limited vision, but they couldn't be sure. It was safest not to risk any assumptions.

Evidence pointed to some damn good hearing when Finch was carving planks of wood out of the floor's innards. They were minding their own business, content with their repetitive, calming task, when something large and loud impacted the ceiling a dozen paces away.

The borrower nearly jumped out of their overalls, giving a startled squeak.

"Shut up," yelled the muffled voice above.

Pretending their soul wasn't just violently expelled from their body, Finch smoothed down their curly brown hair and exhaled shakily, making a mental note to postpone noisy work till the bean was away.

And they did good on that: when the bean was home, Finch completed the quieter, slower tasks. They thought they'd discovered the formula for living under the radar, satisfied to have found a routine that worked.

Then the traps appeared. Finch cursed their luck. The jig was up. The bean set up gross glue traps in outer access points, a couple even getting to the paths Finch took. Finch avoided them and laid low for a bit, hoping the lack of activity would convince the bean they'd skipped town. But more traps appeared. Smart ones, too - they almost fell for a couple. Now, Finch knew a thing or two about a thing or two. They made new routes and took extra care when borrowing. They even started mapping paths to the apartments below. Despite their small stature, Finch had a lot of room for determination. After a life of sticking their hand in the fire, they learned to take the heat. If the bean wanted them gone, he'd have to try a lot harder.

Night fell. The bean was gone. He followed routines - ones he scarcely strayed from. It would be hours before his return.

Finch made their way to the kitchen. They pushed up the trapdoor and strolled through the cupboard. They still had to be careful: just because the human wasn't home didn't mean they could throw all caution to the wind. Leaving evidence was a massive negatory. Finch didn't care for stupid rules, but the rules of borrowing were locked in their brain. They were already careless with the bagels, something they couldn't afford again. Desperation wasn't an excuse for sloppy borrowing - not when it exposed them.

Finch observed the boxes and containers around them, reading labels and calculating risk and reward. There was no chance of getting into that cereal box, but the nutrition bars would be a good grab. The box was short and already open. Finch pushed a can of tuna against it and hopped on. They began extracting a bar only to realize they had no way of getting something so large home without a sled.

"No, that'd be too easy." With a huff, Finch dropped it and shoved the can back into place. "'cause food can never be-" plastic crinkled under their foot "-easy?" Finch inspected the blue packaging. It was an open bag of tortilla chips. They grinned.

The scent of corn chips filled the space as Finch unfurled the bag. They dropped their backpack and started breaking the triangular chips into smaller pieces. Salt-free, too? Hell, yes. They tested the backpack's weight, put a bit more inside, then pulled the strings tight. They slung the strap across their chest. Oh, yeah, this would last them a good while. Finch fought with the chip bag, trying to roll the top underneath like it was before.

"Come on. Stupid fuckin'-" They tried to simultaneously lift the heavy bag and pull the other end.

Over the sounds of plastic popping and crackling in their ears, Finch didn't hear a door open and shut.

DOOM.

They did, however…

DOOM.

…feel the approaching footsteps of the human bean.

Finch froze. Blue eyes snapped wide open, their head flinching away from the plastic. It couldn't be...

Finch bolted.

He's supposed to be out why is he back-

DOOM.

They didn't need to know why he was back - just that he was and he was approaching at an alarming rate.

DOOM.

Oh, fuck, that's actually really close-

The doors ripped open. The hinges didn't even get a chance to squeak.

Finch stumbled. Air caught in their throat. For a moment, Finch was rooted to the floor. Just a moment. Long enough to see the human's form towering beyond the counter, covered in some kind of dark red leather. Long enough to see boots more than capable of squishing the life out of them.

Legs like fenceposts bent as the human came unbelievably closer. Closer than Finch had ever been to a bean. A giant face suspended above them, features blank and expressionless. Not once did the bean look at them.

Finch ran. They didn't look back. When they reached the hole in the floor, they plugged it up and kept going. Keep running.

Only when they reached the safety of their shelter did they falter.

"Oh, shit," they gasped, resting their weight on a nearby post. If their heart didn't outright stop, they were sure it might burst from their ribcage. Finch felt that exploding was a reasonable response. "He didn't see me." The scene replayed in their mind, over and over like a glitched tape. "I'm fine. You're fine. He didn't see you. There's no way he saw you. Just breathe."

Delusion, like they said. It was a powerful thing. It pulled many tricks on the mind. Like convincing oneself that they weren't discovered.

The apartment was quiet. Too quiet, one might even say, if they weren't one Matt Murdock. He never got that phrase. Nothing was 'too quiet'. In his - correct - opinion, nothing was quiet enough. There was always something creaking, breathing, or thumping, even in the smallest hours of the night. But on some front he had to agree: there was a suspicious lack of activity from the critter in the floor lately. Reluctant as he was to admit it, he couldn't deny that it wasn't an animal. Animals didn't mutter to themselves, in full sentences, in English. He wasn't mentally, emotionally, or spiritually prepared to assess beyond whatever that meant. In the moments his mind wandered, however - such as now, sitting and listening to a recording for his current case - he found himself pondering the tiny being regardless.

The peace wasn't an accident. Finch had been avoiding that place, giving themself and the air time to settle. They continued work on their residence, slotting together panels of wood and cardboard to form walls. One room would do for now - they just needed protection from the elements and potential scavengers slinking around. Skies above, if a cockroach tried anything, it was next on the menu. Grind up the little fucker into a smoothie. Finch wished a bug would: it'd be miles better than those godforsaken tortilla chips. Finch gave the wood posts they'd just secured a good push, nodding in satisfaction and moving on to the wall. It would be the last one to seal up their box of a house.

Four days. It'd been four days since Finch was nearly discovered; four days since they stared a bean in the face and got away unscathed. Four days since they got an answer to what they'd only suspected: the human couldn't see. That explained the brilliantly bright billboard, the sensitive hearing, the lack of lights - it explained a lot. Finch had to re-evaluate their approach to borrowing. This human would be extra careful about his possessions - the sock was proof enough - and notice what was out of place. In some ways, this both simplified and complicated things.

But borrowers were nothing if not adaptable.

Finch ventured up to a peephole in the wall and looked out. Nothing had changed except the bean now sitting at the dining table, papers and an electronic box neatly laid out on the tabletop. Casually dressed, he was listening to… a podcast? No, too personal. Finch liked podcasts. There was a crime involved, but this sounded like a conversation Finch would overhear more than something designed to entertain. So this bean worked in solving crimes. A detective?

They listened to the dry as hell audio a scant longer before growing bored and moving on. Hey, at least the bean was preoccupied.

Naturally, they found themself puttering toward the kitchen. Wielding two bent nails tied to their belt, Finch climbed up the cupboard door, using hinges and decorative bevels alike to hoist themself up. Those bagels were good. Were there any left? Nothing but corn chips really wore down a person's capacity to give a damn. They perused the counter, confident that the bean was sufficiently distracted by his work. Finch was disappointed to find the bagels sealed in an airtight container. It was their own fault, slicing up the bag so messily. They pulled a face and resumed their search.

A plate of mostly-eaten pasta sat before them. Fuck yes! Finch scuttled to it, pulling out rolls of tinfoil from their bag. Careful to avoid crinkling, they gathered up all the leftover noodles and sauce that would fit.

Finch squirreled away their haul, licking their fingers clean of evidence and ignorant of the man listening to their heist just a few metres away.

Matt stopped paying attention to the tape some time ago.

The sounds of Hell's Kitchen couldn't drown out the little inhabitant in his walls. A scent had blown into the room, vaguely familiar with hints of tortilla chip. He sat straighter and listened, idly shuffling papers and tip-tapping his fingers on the table. He found himself unable to be anything other than impressed as they scaled his counter like a mountain climber. Whatever was left from dinner became his visitor's latest plunder. That was fine; less waste, right?

He was disappointed when they returned to the walls. He wound back the recording to get some work done, but found himself consistently distracted by his small neighbour's goings-on. This discovery was just so unique, so strange - how could he not be curious? He heard them venture out again, across the apartment now. Into his bedroom. What could they be doing?

Oho, if Matt found any more socks missing-

He turned in his seat, about to rise, when he heard:

"You hafta to be shittin' me."

The voice, quiet in size only and bold beyond that, was the mildly annoyed tone of someone who'd been inconvenienced. Matt had heard it before, in the late hush of the night, when no one else would. Muttered curses and remarks that blended into the creaking and groaning of buildings and chatter and sirens of the city. One voice that Matt Murdock had tried very hard not to think too much about.

"When is enough too much, huh?" the voice griped. "Does he think I'm just gonna lay on one? 'Oh, felt silly today, stepped on the massive rug of glue.' How 'bout I drag this onto your floor, see how you feel walkin' in a minefield?" They growled. "UGH. Beans."

Well.

There was no denying it anymore, was there? A tiny person was living in the walls of Matt's apartment.

Matt leaned back, processing. He'd tried ignoring it - for the sake of his mental health and faith - because it was insane. It was impossible. It shouldn't be.

And yet…

Matt wanted - needed - to investigate further.

He got up, quietly, light on his feet. He didn't make it two steps before he heard a swear and the tiny person retreated once more. Into an electrical outlet, by the sounds of it.

Hm. He couldn't sneak up on them - not this time. They heard him- no. Matt quirked his head, considering. They felt him approaching. Like Matt, they could feel vibrations. Vibrations that alerted them of a threat. It only made sense.

Heh, 'threat'. Regular ol' Matt Murdock was the threat this time, not his alter ego. Wasn't that something?

The next time Matt encountered his new neighbour, he was trying - and failing - to fall asleep. There was too much on his mind for sleep. Frustrated, he huffed and flopped over, restless, his thoughts racing. Sounds of the city were extra distracting tonight. He considered getting up and making a cup of tea - maybe that would calm his mind.

Noises from the kitchen drew his scattered focus. He sat up, listening to the scuffing and tapping that he'd come to recognize as his uninvited houseguest. Three visits in one day. Were they always this proactive? Well, he did interrupt their attempted heist of his bedroom. Matt scooted to the edge of the bed. He would make that tea, actually. As he stood, he remembered sneaking didn't work last time. Right. Heavy-footed. However, he had a hunch that this attempt would yield a sneakier result.

Aided by socks, Matt softly padded through his apartment. Tiny - the name he assigned his little visitor - was fiddling with some kind of packaging on the top shelf. And as he got closer, lo and behold, they did not startle. His theory was correct: the further Tiny was from the floor, the weaker their pallesthesia became. Their ability to detect vibrations just wasn’t as sensitive as his own. Once he stepped foot into the kitchen, Matt dropped the Daredevil act and let himself be known. He grabbed a mug and turned on the kettle. Tiny's pulse quickened; their breath hitched. He gave them time to hide before he opened the cupboard for a tea bag. He quickly realized the box wasn't in its usual spot - his own doing, unfortunately.

"Stupid tea bags," he muttered for Tiny's sake; an 'I'm not looking for you, I swear!' assurance as he searched the cabinets. For extra sauce, he added, "Always misplacing them."

Would he forgo tea? He did start the kettle… as much as he got a kick out of playing the part of oblivious blind guy, causing Tiny undue terror wasn't his end goal. He wanted to test them, their cockiness, not scare them. Tiny may be a thief, but they were just trying to survive. Why else was food their number one haul? Matt dedicated his life to helping people in need. Wasn't Tiny part of that demographic? Weren't they someone in need? Unless small people were running drug cartels and trafficking rings, Tiny was innocent.

Doubt and guilt crept in. Maybe he was pushing the bit too far.

Matt was just about to get up and leave when something square and coarse pressed into his fingers.

He faltered, then pinched it, rubbing his thumb over the material. Its strong, earthy scent gave it away.

A tea bag.

Small shoes lightly retreated. Matt withdrew his hand. He held the sachet of dried herbs, cogs turning in his mind. He tilted his head.

Tiny handed him a tea bag. That…

Matt found himself puzzled and oddly touched. It was for their own good, to avoid getting found, but he couldn't not appreciate the nice gesture. He easily smelt where the tea was, of course. But Tiny didn't know that. Huh.

Maybe he was being too harsh about the sock.

The kettle's bubbling pitch rose to a squeal. Wincing, Matt shut it off. He dropped the tea bag into the mug and poured steaming water over it.

What a strange experience. He wondered what Tiny was thinking. Their heartbeat eased into the fluttering pace that he learned was its resting rate. It was the trait that had him most convinced his roommate was a rodent of some sort, though the way they squeaked when startled was a close second.

Matt threw out the tea bag and took the mug to his room, leaving Tiny to their task.

The next day, he casually slipped questions about tiny people into a conversation with Foggy. (It was not casual and quite random, actually.)

"You mean, like… fairies?" Foggy cautiously asked.

Sort of? Matt didn't know whether Tiny could be considered a fairy. They certainly didn't seem like the fairy type, not with the kind of language he heard them utter. Did fairies say 'fuck'? Would that break some kind of fairy law?

Karen told him about a book series that she'd been obsessed with as a kid: it contained many smaller magical beings. Brownies, for instance. Matt settled on definitely not that one. What favours was he receiving? Aside from the tea bag - an isolated incident - absolutely none.

Matt wasn't convinced they were a magical creature. Really, they just… seemed like a normal person, albeit smaller. They hummed to themself, snickered at their own dumb jokes, and swore a hot streak that would impress even Castle and Jones. Matt was pretty damn sure they'd been building a house under his floor, though he noticed all the loud busywork was put on pause when he was home, most notably when he was sleeping. Another nice gesture that was also for their own self-preservation.

Maybe they were a mutant. Or maybe they were mutated, like him.

When Matt got home, he discarded the glue traps. It felt wrong to leave them now that he knew it was a person he'd been trying to catch. Guilty, he started leaving crumbs in easy-to-reach locations. It wouldn’t hurt him any - his grocery budget wasn’t gonna tank because of some scraps. If chips and leftovers were what they were after, then they had free reign over the countertop. That didn’t stop him from being cheeky about it, though - if Tiny was getting confident, he might as well play along.

He found Tiny’s courage something to marvel at. Roaming a giant’s home? Without fear? His vigilante persona was literally named Daredevil and he was impressed.

However, bravery and foolishness were not mutually exclusive. That’s when the cockiness came in.

Matt was minding his business, washing the dishes, when Tiny wandered out. Brows hitching up, he continued sponging the plate. Surely, they wouldn't-

Oh, but they did.

Unwavering, Tiny climbed up the counter they same way as before. They walked up to the pan on the stove and hooked a leg over. Matt fought hard not to chuffle. This was getting out of hand. Matt remembered an adage about not feeding animals or else they'd grow dependent. Had Matt inadvertently done exactly that? Animals that were accustomed to people often didn't see the danger. Tiny was certainly no animal, but the absence of caution they displayed in the moment was, frankly, ridiculous. It was a massive leap from the times they would flee his presence. He was starting to think he'd played too ignorant.

A smirk tugged at his lips upon hearing the leftover eggs being pilfered. When he turned to fetch the pan, Tiny was already hopping to the floor and disappearing behind the fridge.

Stealing right behind his back. When was enough too much, indeed.

AO3

#g/t #giant/tiny #goldfinch (oc)#matt murdock #daredevil g/t #giant tiny #the borrowers #borrowers #g/t community #gt #g/t writing #daredevil #marvel g/t #marvel #marvel fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #daredevil fanfiction

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teecupangel · 5 months

Note

The whole Desmond/Vega situation with Altair in EoAhas made me think of a time travel au where Altair keeps having romcom meet-cutes with people but literally all of them are Desmond in disguise

So Altair is going from having very few crushes in his lifetime to having multiple at once (unaware that they're all actually the same person) while Desmond is stuck wishing he had a computer to make a spreadsheet about which identity knows what about Altair so he doesn't let something slip that Altair told a different identity or info he got from the animus/bleeds

Oh my god.

This is so cute.

I think Altaïr would know it’s Desmond sooner or later, which would make Desmond’s spreadsheet quite a lost cause at that point but…

If it starts with Altaïr being a child, we can prolong the meet cute situations XD

So, in this one, it starts of with Altaïr as a child getting lost while he was joining his father in some kind of safe mission.

His first love was a child who saw him and helped him get back to the bureau, wearing clothes that were a bit too big for him.

The child’s hand was warm and he would squeeze Altaïr’s hand while he held it whenever he says “It’s going to be alright.”

And Altaïr didn’t understand why but he believed him.

Altaïr’s second love was a girl whose face he didn’t even see. Clad from head to toe in black robes with a niqab covering her face. All he could see was her eyes, clear light brown eyes that seemed to shimmer during the day.

This time, Altaïr wasn’t lost. He had just been taking a walk while waiting for his father to finish his mission. He saw her steal a piece of pomegranate from one of the stalls in the marketplace and tried to catch her.

Instead, he ended up sitting on the edge of one of the buildings as they shared the pomegranate, listening to her talk about how the merchant had been an ass who bullied other poorer merchants.

It was Adha who told him that what he felt wasn’t love but infatuation. Maybe even greed. He fell in love easily for people he will never see again. Altaïr hated her immediately, shouting at his father that he would never marry a girl like her. Adha scoffed and told her own father that she didn’t want to marry a boy who would fall in love so easily. Altaïr stormed off after his father tried to pretend he wasn’t taking Adha’s side. He bumped into him. His third love. Or the next target of his infatuation. No. That was Adha talking, not him.

He was a young boy, wearing a dark brown shemagh that covered half of his face. Altaïr’s eyes were enchanted by his eyes that reminded him of honey. The boy asked him if he was alright and Altaïr didn’t really want to talk about it. So… the boy gave him a piece of bread and told him to cheer up. His eyes wrinkled in a way that let Altaïr know he was smiling behind that shemagh.

And just like that, the boy was gone. Leaving Altaïr with a piece of bread that was still warm to the touch.

His fourth love was a street urchin who looked like a wet rodent. He had been out of Masyaf with the other recruits to observe the older Assassins perform their tasks in a busy city. The Assassin that had been assigned to him was a kind man with an easy smile. Abbas thought he was nice. Malik was as polite as ever.

And Altaïr was bored.

And it was because he wasn’t truly paying attention that he was swept by the crowd before the Assassin or the two other recruits with him could notice.

He was on his way to the bureau when he heard a crash. A child no older than he was had crashed onto a nearby stall that had been selling wine.

He quickly ran and shouted at Altaïr to run as well, just as the guards were catching up to him. Altaïr ran even though he shouldn’t have.

He wasn’t part of whatever was happening.

But his body moved on its own.

Once they were on the other side of the city, the child began to laugh. He didn’t ask why Altaïr agreed to run. He didn’t ask how Altaïr was able to keep up with him as they traversed the city, using their surrounding to gain the upper hand over the large armored men chasing after them.

“Here.” Altaïr caught whatever the child had thrown at him before he even realized what it was, “Take that as my apology for getting you mixed up in all these.”

Altaïr opened his hand.

It was a necklace of some kind with a small yellow gem.

“It matches your eyes.” The child said and Altaïr wished he would take off the fabric around his face so Altaïr could see his face.

Could see his smile.

“Take care on your way back, Altaïr.” The boy waved before he jumped off the window.

And Altaïr tried to remember when he had told him his name.

#so for this one #i was writing altaïr meeting desmond at the age of 6 10 & 14 #adha and altaïr are still friends #they’re just the type of friends that would bully each other #ask and answer #no usual tags because #altdes

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teacookiesandpeace · 4 months

Text

( Sounds of pencils doodling, students talking )

Part 5

... Mr Garrison: Okay yall, any questions? ?: Craig is drawing Craig: What- Mr Garrison: Sigh Let me see Craig: That was literally a few minutes ago, I've already stopped Mr Garrison: I don't care, give me your notebook Craig. Craig: ( Damned snitch... ) Mr Garrison: What did you say?? Craig: Nothing ...

Mr Garrison: … Craig: ... Mr Garrison: ... Okay Craig I ain't going to deal with your today, go see Mr Mackey- DID YOU JUST FLIP ME OFF?? Craig: No ... Mr Garrison: GET OUT OF HERE. Craig: Ok ...

I need to stop doing these things, when father Maxi finds out he's going to throw me out the window. ?: ..H...Hey Craig: ...What? ?: Are you in trouble too? Craig: Yeah, I was distracted in class ?: With what? Craig: Personal Stuff ?: I s...se...see Craig: What about you? What did you do? ?: Hahah, s...so...some atrocities, w-with my... pals Craig: ... You don't seem like a bad guy ?: I'm not

?: But m-make no m...mis...mistake, I'm t-tough Craig: … Okay, okay, I believe in you Jimmy: I'm Ji...Jimmy, what about you? S-Sorry, I've seen you a few times, but I don't think w...we ever got to t-t..talk, right? Craig: Yeah, I'm Craig Jimmy: It's good to meet you C...Craig, wa...wanna do something cool? Craig: ...Huh Jimmy: D-Do you want to escape school wi...with ...me? I don't feel like going to detention today Craig: ... You're kinda nuts, Jimmy Craig: ... Jimmy: ... Craig: ... Jimmy: ... Craig: Okay, I'm in Jimmy: :D Jimmy: But first, c-can you do me a f...favor? Craig: Ok? Jimmy: C...Can you get those things on the flo...flo...floor for m-me? ...

...

I've never noticed how agonizing being hidden is, this wardrobe is pretty small… I wonder what Craig is doing now At least I'm safe, It's good not to be in danger, at least not as much as before, at least I'm... Free

... I wouldn't be sure about that

Tweek: ... What-

?: Greetings Tweak

Tweek: … HOW... THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE??- ?: Speak softly, in case you want to stay there like a frightened rodent hiding inside a hole Tweek: ..AGH!- G...Go away!, I already told you I don't want n-nothing to do with you guys anymore!... ?: I know, I remember you're a coward

Tweek: ...I'm not a coward, I'm just not going to let these guys go back to using me the same way they're using you and others ?: I'm not being used, I'm just following the rules, you should do the same, we were all doing so well until you escaped and threw it all down the drain Tweek: All I've done is get out of the place that hurts me, and another, you're no punisher! I don't care about dumb spells, I don't want to be a part of it anymore, I finally had the chance to have a better life, not normally, but at least happier ?: I feel sorry for you, you really think you've finally got control of something Tweek: ... What do you mean ?: Mccormick thought he could have a normal life too, he really thought, you know what happened to him, don't you? Tweek: ... ?: Do you recognize the jacket you're wearing right now? ...

?: ...

?: Now you don't want it anymore Tweek: Why are you doing this to me? Tweek: I'm not doing this to hurt anyone, I just want to have a happy life, we were friends before, Red Red: Don't try to be my friend now, and your life is over, it's not my problem if you're a traitor. Red: You still have a chance to patch things up, if we're really friends, think about it

Jimmy: This was easier than I ...t..t..thought! Craig: Hey man, like, thanks, you saved my life Jimmy: You are welcome! That was f-fun, I know a lot of shortcuts, and thank you for... h-helping me jump o...over the wall Craig: No problem Jimmy: So, where are you g...going now? Craig: Home Jimmy: That's cool! I'm going to tell my gang not to mess with you, we're friends now Craig Craig: Okay, uh… Wait, what the hell do you mean gang, where you're going?

Jimmy: Going to m..mess ar...around! ;D Craig: I'm getting scared of you Jimmy, I'm gonna kick your crutch Jimmy: Please don't Craig: Ok Jimmy: B...B..Byeee! See you t...tomo...tomorrow! Craig: Bye

Craig: ... I'm home Craig: ... Craig: Tweek?

Craig: I left school early, you can get out of there if you want to ...

... Craig: ...You can talk to me if you need to, I'll be out here

Red: Mccormick, can you hear me? ... Red: That coward really got on my nerves, I don't want to waste time

Red: ... Red: There you are

Red: I don't need your filthy coat anymore, you can take it back if you want

Red: How do you feel now? Kenny: Mhhpr mhhrp Red: I didn't understand a word.

Red: ... Red: … You look like an Inuit *sigh* Red: Anyways, it's getting dark, let's go back to the barn, where the hell is Kevin?

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studentinpursuitofclouds · 9 months

Note

Could you do townies reactions to a non-human farmer? I imagine my farmer with mouse ears and a tail! Thank you!!!

Sure thing :D

Since you picture your Farmer with mouse ears and a tail, the Farmer will be like that in the stories. Thank you for asking! 🫰 Enjoy!

SDV townies react to a non-human Farmer:

"So that gnawed through bag of grain and seed was your doing, Farmer?" Well done Pierre, very considerate of you. What makes him think that even if Farmer has rodent-like body parts, they should behave like a rodent? Pierre decided to quickly fix the not-too-successful dialogue with his client for the better, offering the offended Farmer to purchase delicious cheese with a 45% discount, because they must be very fond of cheese! *judgmental look* What, he screwed up again?

Strange, Haley could have sworn something had changed in Farmer. Tell her the truth? What are they talking about? Oh? Hee-hee, why were they wearing those funny furry mouse ears? They're kinda cute, Haley's already reaching out to touch them and recognize the quality of the fabric and- Yeeeeeeeee! They move!?

Emily knows the feeling: only yesterday she felt like a fragile butterfly flitting from one flower to another in a flurry of dance. Today she feels like a free bird, spreading the wind with her feather wings! Ah, she can tell the Farmer a lot about- What? Not just a feeling? Are they real? That tail.... Oh. She doesn't know what to say. Maybe they could come over for tea and talk about it.

The Farmer can trust Marlon with their secrets without fear - the old one-eyed adventurer won't tell anyone about their inhuman origins if they want to keep it a secret. Furthermore, if the Farmer is persecuted because of their non-human origins, he will give them refuge in his Guild (only if the Farmer hasn't done something illegal or immoral).

Hold on... Caroline needs to check her herbal tea. Hmm, no, it's fine, nothing toxic in it. So Farmer's mouse ears aren't a figment of her imagination? Interesting. She's not really surprised (which surprised Farmer themself). The thing is, Caroline has dealt with something unusual before when she was younger. Well, to be more precise - with someone unusual, but she decided not to go into details, or else there would be too uncomfortable questions. She treats the Farmer's secret with respect, and they treat hers with respect. Wouldn't you agree? Excellent! More tea?

Gil will also keep their secret, and give moral support to their young Guild member. If the Farmer is comfortable, then maybe they will tell Gil about their non-human and not-so-ordinary life. Gil would be interesting to hear, he'd just about pour brandy (or tea if Farmer don't like alcohol) for everyone.

Young man/lady, why are you wearing those silly mouse ears? The Fall festivities are still a while away, so what's the point of this masquerade? What? Speak up, George can't hear you. Are they real? Yeah yeah, and the tail too, he bet, you can't fool him. He may be old, but he's not stupid enough to believe this nonsense.

When Rasmodius looked into the future, he saw vaguely that the new Farmer would be an unusual person, but even he had no idea they would be so unusual. Well, he would react to it calmly (the wizard had seen a lot in his life), even suggesting a special magical ointment if they wanted to hide their non-human origins from unwanted attention.

Haha, good one. Wait, they're not joking...? Wow, interesting. Looks like the Valley holds more secrets than Leah could have imagined. But... What does that change? So, a little non-human, so what? They're kind enough to her and the other people of the Valley, so Leah will accept them warmly and without prejudice.

Heh, what a weirdo. Spirits Eve is a whole season away and they're already wearing a costume. Alex can't figure out why they're wearing those mouse ears. Wait, did they twitch? And the tail, too? !?!?!??! What?

Being an outcast is nothing new for Linus at all. He knows that those who are different from the many are usually subject to ridicule and bullying. Fortunately, Stardew Valley is inhabited by people who are kind and patient enough. And Linus wants Farmer not to feel like an outcast because they are different from humans either. Let Linus repay you for the kindness you showed them at the very beginning of your arrival at the farm.

*Gasp*! Jodi dropped the plate and it shattered. Yoba, how is that possible? Wait, surely it's not a contagious disease or mutation? If they have limbs like a rat, they don't transmit diseases like rats, right?! She's terrified of rats and mice! Was that rather rude of her? Forgive her, Farmer. But they can't just go to her house and tell her that they're- half mouse? Or half rat? Or... She still doesn't get it.

And when Kent came out of the bedroom at the sound of a broken plate to see if his wife and Farmer were all right, he saw Farmer in their real guise. Kent's reaction was just 🗿 You shouldn't expect anything else from him. He'll stand there with 🗿 face and look at the guest, and then with the same 🗿 face he'll go get a broom and dustpan to pick up the plate shards from the floor.

Willy learned of Farmer's secret by accident when he was returning late from the Saloon and caught Farmer on the sandy shore as they were engaged in night fishing. It would not have surprised the old fisherman..... Except that the Farmer was fishing with their tail instead of his rod, and quite skillfully, aye aye! Willi immediately assured the Farmer, who was frightened at the sight of him, that he would not give away their secret. He also wondered if fish really bite better on their tails.

Abigail, in addition to delight and surprise, will also find reason to tease Farmer a bit. Just a little. She won't mock Farmer, of course, but she will often blow into Farmer's mouse ears to annoy them a little, especially since the ears twitch so amusingly from the ticklish sensation. Alright, alright, don't look at her so grumpy, she'll be a goody-goody :3

"....Are you one of those weirdos on TV who claim to be dogs/cats/any other animal?" Pam always watches that show over a bottle of beer and laughs at the absurdity of people. Hey, what are they looking at her like that? Yeah yeah yeah, they're not lying of course. They even can get a number and sign up for their show, might become a new TV star.

Uhhhh.... Yeah, sure, that's great! Penny is so happy for them! Oh no Penny seems to have forgotten to turn off the iron, the stove, the faucet, whatever, she has to go now, bye! (Oh Yoba oh Yoba oh Yoba... Either the Farmer's crazy or Penny's crazy.)

"Holy shit" was all Sebastian said, dropping cigar from his mouth as Farmer revealed their true colors to him. Farmer might think that Sebby felt disgusted with them, but he actually thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Sebastian will keep their secret and not show any negative emotion (inside he squeals like a girl "oh Yoba this is so cool" but he won't show that emotion either. Sebby is pretty reserved on emotions).

Wow, what a miracle... Gus has seen and heard all sorts of things, but this is the first time he's ever seen anything like this. Still, it doesn't change anything, and his Saloon's door to the Farmer is always open. He can also understand that sometimes constant secrecy can bring a lot of stress, so Gus will make them their favorite meal on the house. If they can't make it to the Saloon, he'll deliver the meal directly to their home. Human or not, no one should be hungry and sad.

Oh, my goodness! They have whiskers and mouse ears! And they're real! Marnie got a little scared. Oh, no, no, no, she didn't mean to hurt them, please forgive her! They're not scary, she was just more surprised. *Sigh* Now she feels bad. Maybe a treat of tasty cheese will make up for it? No, she's not teasing them, the cheese actually turned out delicious.

To say that Harvey was at a loss for words when Farmer was x-rayed is an understatement. The doctor was in complete shock. At first he was a little annoyed and didn't understand why Farmer didn't want to take those toy ears off their head. But when the x-rays and tests showed that it was all their body parts..... Okay, he'd have to look up in medical books if there was such a phenomenon at all to at least understand what he was dealing with. Hold on, not a human? Okay, now he doesn't need books, he needs wine. A very... strong... wine.

What? How? A change in the body? A mutation? Animal ears and tail?! They need to get him to a lab right away, Demetrius needs to take tests and x-rays! It's a real phenomenon. He can't believe it. He.... Oh, sorry Farmer, he shouldn't have overreacted and embarrassed Farmer so much. Apologize for that.

"Dad..." Maru knows that her dad can overreact if he gets too passionate about something, so her mom or herself needs to remind her dad about respecting personal space. And though Maru herself is very interested in Farmer's singularity, she's more worried about their health. It doesn't negatively affect their lives in any way, right? If Farmer feels unwell, let them turn to her or Dr. Harvey.

"What's happened? Don't tell me you almost burned down the lab again-" Robin hadn't really woken up yet (especially after a night at the Saloon with her husband), just yawned tiredly.... and looked first at the Farmer with the mouse ears for half a minute. Then she looked at Demetrius and Maru. After that she decided to turn 180 degrees and walked back to the bedroom. Well, she won't be ordering that new Gus cocktail again.....

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese! Oh, how about this one: What did the teenage cheese yell at its parents? Leave me provolone! Hah! And another one-" even Farmer in their hidden thoughts couldn't imagine that after telling Sam about their real self, the young musician would start telling dad jokes instead of, you know, being frightened or surprised. Sammy, dear, you're too young for that. On the other hand, Farmer is glad Sam hasn't changed his mind about them. "What kind of music does cheese like?" Oh, gods...

Shane spent literally two minutes looking at the mouse-eared Farmer and replaying in his head Farmer's admission that they weren't quite human. Then Shane looked at his can of beer. It's full, which means he's still sober. He looked at Farmer again. Then at the can of beer. And again at the Farmer. And again at the beer. "Fuck..." He wasn't going to have a good day off today.

"My dear, I've known about this for a long time" "What?..." As it turned out, Evelyn was very close friends with Grandpa - so close, in fact, that he had told her about his family unusual origins, knowing that Evelyn would keep it a secret. And it makes no difference whether Grandpa is human or not. They were the kindest person and a wonderful friend. And his grandchild is just as kind and wonderful ❤️ Oh dear, Farmer, why are you crying?

Lewis only shook his head at that. In the Farmer's family, it seems to be some kind of strange joke that has been passed down from generation to generation. First their Grandpa also claimed to be non-human, and now the Farmer. Heh, hilarious, made the old major laugh. You're so much like him, Farmer, and the jokes are the same. Lewis warmly remembers his youth and his friendship with Farmer's Grandpa...

When the Farmer decided to tell the secret to the children of Stardew Valley, Vincent was the first to bombard the poor Farmer with a bunch of questions. He believed that the Farmer is like a superhero who could hear better, or they could smell better. Oh oh oh! And they can talk to animals, mice particular? Because if yes, then wow!!!

Leo also decided, along with Vincent, to question the Farmer about their unusual origins. It turns out that they are as strange as Leo himself. That is probably why they so quickly found a common language on the island. You could say two birds of the same feather. So you can really talk to mice like Vincent claims?!

Despite her great curiosity, no less than that of her friends, Jas refrained from asking many questions, realizing that perhaps telling this secret was not easy for the Farmer. And the fact that they had to hide their non-human origins upset Jas a little. Oh! Maybe she and Vincent and Leo will also wear toy mouse ears and claim that they all and Farmer have organized a secret club? Then the Farmer can walk around in peace without fear! (The Farmer laughed off the idea, but decided to give it a try. Surprisingly enough, it worked).

"Yeah, so?" Clint can safely compete with Kent for the best reaction to Farmer with their story about their non-human origins. Just pure 🗿. And it's unclear if Clint is either tired of all this shit with blacksmith that he doesn't show a single emotion, or if he's seen weirder people.

Yoba! Unbelievable! So his dear friend isn't human? That is so amazing! Wait, wait, wait, Elliott is interested in hearing about their lives as non-humans. No, wait, he has to put it down on paper. It'll be like their biography (he'll hide their real name if Farmer wants to). What? What do you mean he wasn't surprised? He was very much surprised, all emotional right now! Disgusted? Absolutely not, nonsense! Elliott generally thinks their mouse ears are quite cute. *Ahem* Well, let's not get distracted, he's already got the paper and ink pen. The story begins...

"Fascinating. It's either a race unknown to mankind or magic", Gunther scratched his chin for a long time, lost in thought. In any case, the door to the library are always open for Farmer, maybe they would find useful information about their unusual case. Or they come to him for a cup of hot coffee, maybe they'll talk about the various civilisations whose artifacts have survived to this day.

"Discounts at JoJa Mart for cheese and seeds! Seeds are discounted by as much as 50% off! You can buy enough to both plant on the farm and nibble on the seeds yourself. You love them as a mouse or something, don't you? Then buy from Joja before they sell out!", and it seemed to the Farmer that no one could outdo Pierre in his tactlessness. They were wrong. First place went to Morris. Well done. The fuck is wrong with these two...

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heartfullofleeches · 1 year

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Bet that Saber tries to book as much time as he can while being flabbergasted that somehow Clyde always has one booking specifically at the end of Y/n's shift lol

"Y/n~ Let's go see a movie together after you get off work."

Saber lays spread out in the private booth of the cafe; head propped on his palm as his torso sprawls across your lap. You treated the needy cat to a whole day of your attention after a recently hectic schedule, but still left that last spot open for that lonely little bunny waiting for you now.

"If you don't leave before then - then sure, kitten."

Saber frowns; mood ruined so badly that not even you running your fingers down his spine all the way to his tail makes him feel better.

"Do you really have to see whoever it is? We have so much fun together that you shouldn't need anyone else."

He finally purrs as you kiss his forehead. "I may not, but other people still need me. Mary's free this afternoon. You like her right?"

"Mary just has the same eye color as you.. they're not the pretty." Saber grumbles.

"What was that?"

"Nothing- just, please stay with them." His claws hook on the fabric of your sleeve as he sits up, nicking your skin. He slowly leans in. "I'll do anything to make you stay."

As his face rests inches from yours, the timer signaling his time is up goes off. You gently push him off of you, cupping his cheeks in your hands.

"Sorry, Saber. Our time is up. I do feel bad that you weren't able to finish your treats due to your temper, but I have a solution. Be a good kitty this week and I'll take you to a nicer place this weekend, okay?"

Saber shoots his gaze to the corner of the room as he folds his arms. He couldn't say no when you called him that. "P-promise?"

"I promise." You kiss his ear, smiling as he blushes. Such a stubborn one, but easy to get through to.

You gather your things and return to the main area to put the clutter away, before heading to Clyde's room right across from the one Saber had been in. He peaks out as he over hears your voice, watching as you pat the rabbit's head. Clyde had been waiting for you - like any good pet would. Jealousy boils in the latter's chest. How dare that overgrown rodent take you from him? At least Saber had the comfort of seeing you this weekend, but as their eyes meet - Clyde smirks; mouthing a single word.

"Mine."

#Cafe tag #yandere #yandere oc #yandere x reader #yandere scenarios #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere insert #male yandere #yandere headcanons #Yandere hybrid #yandere teratophilia #yandere blurb #yandere drabble #yandere monster #yandere x darling #yandere x y/n #yandere harem

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salternateunreality2 · 3 months

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Claudia has a pet dragon AU

cute ideas that @strayheartless and I chatted about <3

Claudia probably had a pet dragon at some point that still visits and bothers her for snacks

Dragon: *tail wagging, dancing around, breathing fire* Claudia: *shoves its nose away* go on, git, I ain't got nothin more for ya, you ate all my wolf liver!

Dragon: *rolls on its back asking for belly rubs*

Claudia: ugh, fine. *Delivers belly rubs* Go on, ya daft dragon, I'm taking Cloud to school!

The villagers: ...

-----------

Claudia and her dragon had their babies around the same time, and babysat for each other.

Claudia and Dragon Mama exchange snacks occasionally; Claudia brings special parts of her kills that she and Cloud shouldn't eat, and Dragon Mama sometimes drops off whole carcasses.

Dragon: this deer ain't worth my time, but I killed it and Claudia might give me wolf liver if I drop by!

-----------

Mama Dragon is named Asil, and Baby Dragon is named Knarf. Because backwards, that's Lisa Frank, and they look like Lisa Frank characters. And they're scratch-n-sniff.

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AGSZC visit Nibelheim and AGSZ are panicked when Cloud hears a dragon in the distance and runs off to confront it...only to discover Cloud GIGGLING and play-fighting it. They are more concerned about the giggling, as they've never heard it before.

They expected the Steve Irwin vibes from Zack, who has a pet sahagin in Gongaga, but Cloud was a surprise (he shouldn't have been, he's feral AF).

AGSZC: *walking to Nibelheim*

Dragon: ROAR

Angeal: We'd better steer clear, right Cloud? Cloud?! CLOUD!!!

Zack: Where did he even go?! That was so fast!

Sephiroth: Towards the dragon.

Genesis: Of fucking course.

AGSZ: *runs up just in time to see cloud, unarmed, jump on a dragon*

Cloud: KNARF YOU FUCKER I GOT YOU FIRST WAIT NO NOT THE FACE NOT THE FACE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA GET OFF

The dragons immediately like Zack because all animals immediately like Zack.

Angeal wins them over through snacks.

And they're obsessed with Genesis' sword and materia, and Sephiroth's hair.

They keep Sitting On Sephiroth and grooming his hair or staring at it, and they keep trying to steal Gen's stuff. You wouldn't think a puppy-lizard-cat is very sneaky when it's the size of a house, but clearly you would be wrong

Sephiroth: Please, Miss, I don't know how dragon saliva affects hair, and I can't afford for it to go spiky like Cloud's.

Asil: *still sitting on him and licking*

(turns out it's really really good for hair and makes it thick, shiny, and healthy...after you wash out the top layer of slime)

Knarf and Asil leave Genesis gifts when they steal from him. Sometimes it's worthless crap like a leaf or a rodent carcass; sometimes it's sparkling gems, rare materia, or their own scales, which are hard to come by. There is no pattern.

Genesis tries to bargain with them, bringing an assortment of Wall Market jewelry.

Genesis: Shall we trade? What will you give me for this diamond necklace?

Knarf: *holds up a leaf*

Genesis: How about this fake ruby bracelet?

Knarf: *5 rare materia*

Genesis: Ok, then you must give me something great for this fake ruby necklace, which only differs from the bracelet in that it is longer...

Knarf: *dead skunk plops on Genesis' head*

Talking about their childhoods:

Sephiroth: My sperm donor would order me to kill kittens.

Genesis: My parents didn't care, but my nanny would hit me with a ruler.

Zack: I'd be sent out into the backwoods to work off my energy and made friends with monsters!

Cloud: I'd go to air jail, where Asil would pick me up by my shirt and dangle me in the air.

Angeal: MY MOTHER SENT ME TO TIME OUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR CHILDHOODS

Air jail:

I'd like to think that Sephy starts to have his breakdown, Claudia hears about it and the mysterious head in the reactor, and then sends the boys to help Seph while she and Asil take care of Jenova.

Asil both sits on Jenova and incinerates her, while Claudia shoots Jenova with her biggest shotgun.

#ff7 #sephiroth #zack fair #cloud strife #genesis rhapsodos #angeal hewley #claudia strife

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nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos · 3 months

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Okay I know I've sent a few asks for the cross guild but one more! This is the last one! (Lying through my teeth)

The image of Buggy being treated as a cat that got adopted - nay, a cat that got scooped up without warning and ended up very confused by the sudden change - is so funny to me.

I'm keeping his severed head on my lap and petting his hair like a cat (he's in seventh heaven and simultaneously trying not to get a nose bleed over my thighs or piss off one of the other two by seeming too smug)

Mihawk: we turn our back for five seconds and you manage to pick up a stray

Sir Corcodile: stray seems a bit generous, Swordsman. More of a mangy rodent, by my standards.

Reader: his shrill screams and autistic swagger have captivated me, heart and soul.

Buggy, in the distance: *pulls his shirt from his chest and sniffs it, makes a disgusted face, then shrugs and licks whatever the stain is*

Reader: *pupils dilating to the size of dinner plates* *dreamy sigh* I just want to wrap my tongue around his uvula, is that so much to ask?

Mihawk, disturbed: yes.

The idea of Reader being attracted to hyper competence and intimidating badassery, then simultaneously being the biggest morosexual is hilarious

Buggy: do you think centaurs file their own hooves? Or do they still get farriers to do it- hrrk

Reader: *reaching out and shoving one hand into Buggy's mouth, fingers pressing down on his tongue to grip his jaw and snatch him nose-to-nose with them* Naked. On the bed. Safeword is popcorn

Buggy: *muffled* do I have to wait two minutes to use it?

Reader: *already drafting up the marriage certificate* I am about to suck your soul out through your dick.

Ignoring the fact that I'm really honestly curious about the centaur thing now—

I already associate Buggy with a feral opossum so this is beyond beautiful.

Sincerely feel his flirting game is like:

But you find his awkwardness and social ineptitude appealing

And Crocodile and Mihawk being increasingly disturbed by the situation is just. Perfect.

Why are you so into the moron? And yet you're also into them? Do you consider them morons? Should they be offended?

To be fair though they're really not much better. Considering Mihawk was essentially a hermit for several years and his social interaction usually involved violence and murder for fun; and Crocodile puts himself on such a high pedestal that he sees everyone around him as inferior and doesn't bother doing anything to hide it.

They're really just three different flavors of socially inept blorbo. And I love them so much for it.

Also I most humbly ask permission to borrow the uvula line for something, it's wonderful and I cannot stop cackling over it 🙏🥲 If it's okay, I will give credit when I use it.

#cross guild #mini headcanon #asks #buggy #mihawk #crocodile #one piece

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thekoopalingsandstuffs · 1 month

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(I've been waiting half the year to do this)

I have a problem with... Nothing about the holiday itself. It's about the BUNNY. And not even the whole egg laying thing! Just. Fictional rabbits in general. Whyyy do rabbits in fiction look like THAT??? Have cartoonists even SEEN a bunny before???

FIRST OF ALL:

What is that THING on its face?? Many cartoon rabbits (not ALL, but like 99%) have this huge (usually pink) ball for a nose. ...... WHY???

I present to you, friends, an actual bunny nose:

A little slit. Just a Y. There is no huge pink ball.

There's no pink ANYTHING!

My personal theory for this is that people got confused while drawing and are thinking of cat/dog noses? The animals kinda look somewhat similar. And I'm sure people see cats/dogs WAY more often than they see bunnies.

While on the subject of the muzzle area, I'd like to point out that rabbits' teeth aren't visible most of the time. Rabbits are often drawn with huge buck teeth (Which, granted, they DO have in real life) but you only see them if they specifically have their mouths open! The average little bunny hopping around, minding its own business, has no visible teeth sticking out.

And speaking of the cat/dog similarity... Bunnies don't have paw pads. Toe beans. Whatever you want to call them. The areas under their feet? It's just fur. (I'm amazed that even though a lucky rabbit's foot seems to be a common collectible, people don't know this)

I 100% blame this on the cats-

Fun fact: Paw pads are a clear sign of a predator. (Ferrets also have paw pads!) But prey animals like mice and hedgehogs don't.

(Random bonus fun fact: Rabbits used to be classified as rodents! But in 1912, they were put into the order of lagomorpha. Aaaand, that is why "rodent" is considered a racial slur in my AU-)

Another sign of a predator? Having both eyes on the front of the face. (This one I can forgive, though, since cartoon animals need more human-like faces to be more expressive, which means more flat, same-way-facing features) But I still think it's interesting. Very few cartoon rabbits have the proper elongated head with outward pointing eyes. Several prey animals, from little critters to livestock to fish—All have features like that. It's why things like owls look so weird in comparison to other birds. They're predators.

Does THIS look right to you???

Aaaaaaanyways, now that my rant is pretty much over...

What exactly are these creatures, why are they masquerading as cute animals, why do they do it so poorly, and what are they planning to do with your children???