i feel stupid.
im angry with myself.
how could i let myself be vulnerable with someone yet again?
i knew better.
i know i dont want to get hurt like this anymore.
it never feels worth it in the end.
excerpt from a book i’ll never write #91
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One day I will stop falling in love with you. Until I do, I'll be thinking of you.
k.b. // laufey, philharmonia orchestra - let you break my heart again
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I had met the absolute love of my life in you, from the moment I first saw you, i knew.
But I owed karma a debt, and I paid it in full.
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And I wondered what it was like to be chosen.
I was never chosen.
I was a maybe, a probably, sometimes even a definitely but never the one,
never the chosen one.
Unknown
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hey i think we need some more ant love in the hbh community because that man is so precious and has done nearly nothing wrong except for The Patriarchy and being a gullible teenage boy but he is so special please can we just talk about him for a second
i don't think this man could intentionally every hurt anybody ever
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im hurt because it all feels like a lie.
for weeks you were thinking about breaking up with me.
for weeks you knew the ending of us was near.
yet for weeks you were making plans for the future and making memories that i used to hold close to my heart.
but those plans will never be fulfilled and those memories are tarnished.
you tainted every single word and every single moment.
you lied about our plans.
you lied about our future.
you lied about ghosting me.
you lied about wanting to be friends.
how am i supposed to know you didnt lie when you said you loved me?
you said you loved me after you had already ripped out my heart.
how am i supposed to know you didnt say that as a lousy attempt to soften the blow?
because all it did was make this hurt more because none of it makes sense.
if you werent lying when you said you were happy in our relationship and happy being with me then why would you leave something that makes you happy?
why would something that makes you happy not be for you?
how can i believe you when you said i did nothing wrong?
how can i believe you when you said you wanted to be in a relationship in the first place?
how can i believe that the reason you told me you were ending things was the truth?
how can i believe that any of it was real…
excerpt from a book i’ll never write #92
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now i am forced to somehow un-love you. as if i never craved your touch, your kiss, or simply your presence across the room. i am forced to pretend this heart is not longing for your return. we are now two strangers who shared a past, and an imaginary future together. i am forced to dry my tears at night and make myself believe this is for the better. my arms no longer have a home. and your absence will forever torment my soul.
- nick <3 (i am forced to forget us)
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I will not beg you for your time or try to convince you to choose me, the world is too big and I have too much to offer.
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