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jameui · 2 years

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CORRUPTION (MARVEL AU)

PAIRING: Son of Stephen Strange!Lee Heeseung x Son of Wanda Maximoff!M!Reader

GENRE: Angst

WARNING: NO INFORMATION USED IN THIS FIC IS CANONICALLY TRUE. IN THAT SAME MATTER, THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT EVENTS USED IN THIS FIC IS PURELY FROM THE AUTHOR'S IMAGINATION. IF SOME IF THE EVENTS HAPPENED TO BE TRUE, IT IS GENUINELY OUT OF PURE COINCIDENCE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

SUMMARY: You, just like your very own mother, was in doubt you have lost her.

(P.S. THIS WAS TAKEN AFTER THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS)

Just as the heroes and heroines of the scene took flight to vacate the now collapsing sacred ruins burying and taking your mother along with it, your lips separated from each other from the shock, a hand covering over your mouth as your eyes started to water caused by the scene that is breaking your heart into tiny little shards. "No..." You let out in a low voice, voice hitching from your choked back sobs.

You had expected for your mom to change, even if you were just hiding in the background careful not to be found by her. It was you planning the whole ordeal to stop your mother, but in turn had her killed for the sake of saving the others and due to her own guilt.

You couldn't let yourself believe that you have lost your mother. You knew she would have done something to rescue herself. You knew your mother better than anyone else does. You flew yourself up to the very peak of the ruins, hoping to find your own mother there, searching high and low, around every rocks and rubbles, but to no avail. You tried to clear the ruins from the fallen debris, but there was still no sign of your mother. "No, no, no! MOM!" You called out in tears, hoping for your plea to be heard. "Where are you?" You cried out, tears falling from your round E/C orbs.

This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't at all what you have planned. You had only helped them push through, enough to get the group close to your mother to stop her. But, they.. THEY had to take advantage of your help. That's right. This is all THEIR fault. They have to pay for what they have done. You'll show them just how reasonable you can get.

It was just like any normal day in school for Heeseung who was a college student majoring in Arts under one of the prestigious schools in the country, Heron High. No one knew who his father was, but he was admired by a lot of people considering his wits and reputation in school being the smartest person in school and of course, the most handsome.

It could have been totally a normal day, if it weren't for the loud explosion inside the school, the whole campus breaking into a loud commotion before he heard a voice. "Bring me, Strange's son!" Your voice boomed through the thick walls of the hallways, scaring everyone in your way glaring at anyone who tried to talk rather than bringing you what you wanted.

"That's me." A voice took your attention, the crowd making an opening for you to see Heeseung as they all started to run and scream knowing exactly where this was to go. "Am I the one you're looking for?"

Your eyes scanned him from top to bottom, all the while fixing the wall behind you that you have used to break into, slowly hovering back down to the ground approaching the taller male. You scoffed at him, one side of your lips lifted upwards. "Not gonna lie, thought you'd be less good looking than your adoptive father, but it looks like your face was overwhelmed by beauty. I couldn't take my eyes off of it." You said all in one go, not giving Heeseung the chance to speak when he opted to rebut. "Listen here, son of Strange. I'm going to try and make this simple." You told him, eyes turning a fiery red color taking them from your mother's, head tilted to the side as if to taunt the other male and with a flick of your wrist, the world have stopped turning, the students pausing from sprinting midway as the clock forgot to tick, the time seemingly growing tired from running.

"What do you want, M/n?" Heeseung growled in frustration, despising you with every ounce of his existence. Heeseung was never a huge fan of you, nor your mother. Knowing that the two of you were only up to no good just to get the things they wanted.

To say the least, you were shocked by the fact that Heeseung knew you when you still haven't even introduced yourself to him. In addition to that, you never even showed yourself to them. Only hiding behind everyone's shadows, taking care of the destruction your mother created, but right now you'd love to be just as destructive as your mother. "It's nice of you to let me know that I can skip the introductions. I'm glad you've heard of my name."

"There's a whole chapter dedicated and written all about you and your mother in the Dark Hold." Heeseung replied, you turning your body around to face him with a sinister smile on your face.

"So, you've held the book before?" You questioned him, Heeseung trying to save himself from the slip of tongue, but it was useless only sighing in defeat which in turn made you feel satisfied. "So, you're starting to think like mother."

Heeseung glances angrily at you, holding himself back from pouncing at you right this second. "No. Unlike your mother, I was able to avoid the temptation and corruption it held." Heeseung realizes you were trying to stall him, his blood boiling hotter. "What do you even want?"

You chuckled darkly at his question, before vanishing from his sight, reappearing right by his side. "I really don't want much, Heeseung. I just want you to repay for the damage you have done to my mother." You told him, dragging your fingertips along the line of his shoulders. Heeseung feeling himself get goosebumps under your touch. "Your father... and his 'friend', well I lost my mother because of them. Wouldn't it be just fair if they lost something as precious?" Heeseung clenches his fists in anger, gritting his teeth. "Oh, no, no. No need to be so agitated, Heeseung. I have a good heart and for whatever am I to do, I have a good reason behind it."

"If you have business with me, just say it. Stop straying away from the topic." Heeseung stated out with clenched teeth, your eyes catching sight of the historical artifact that was hanging by his neck. A smirk appears once more on your face, dashing forward towards him, taking interest on the item

"You have a nice necklace." You told him, effortlessly taking it off from him. "Would've thought this would have been gone already." You said, Heeseung late to realize that he no longer had the artifact on him until he caught sight of you holding it in a distance from him.

Heeseung felt a faint feeling of panic as he checked the area where the Eye of Agamotto was once, letting out a soft 'no' before he glared into your back, knowing better than to chase after you. "Give that back."

You were caressing the artifact before rolling your eyes and without closing the few meters between you two, you placed it back on his neck whilst you crossed your arms. "Psh, Heeseung. You get so worked up so easily." You chuckled. Though you didn't know a lot about Heeseung, it was still fun making fun of the latter. He was so hilarious, in your opinion with the reactions you receive. "You know, I had owned once an artifact almost similar as yours. I gave it to my mother to help her find my brothers, but I lost them all at once. Poof." You laughed softly, Heeseung's brows knitting together in confusion, wondering what that artifact you were talking about could have been.

Heeseung tried to solve the puzzle together, putting two and two together using the clues he got from you. As he did, his eyes suddenly fell unto your fingers that had already faded black due to the corruption caused by the only known artifact to have this type of influence to its holders. "The Dark Hold..." He whispered to himself, but, although his voice was almost as loud as a thought, it was still audible enough to be heard by you, clapping your hands in congratulatory for Heeseung was able to answer your obvious riddle. "But, how... how were you able to get a hold of it? It was under high security! It.. it—"

"Oh, honey. You didn't think you were the only one capable of stealing the Dark Hold, right? And I hope you haven't forgotten," You fauxed a concerned expression, holding your hand up, twirling a finger that projected a vision of what you've seen so far after Westville. "Your place is not the only source of the book, Heeseung."

Heeseung stammered, attempting to rack his brains out for any possible ways why you were able to travel to other universes. For all he knows, it is most certainly prohibited to be taught when it comes to magic. "But, how? Magic wielders are not to be able to—"

"Enough questions." You cut him off, casting a blast of psionic ball towards him, hitting him right on his stomach throwing him back a few yards, his back hitting against a wall. You closed in on him in a haste, a red shadow of mist following upon your wake, wrapping your hand around his throat, gripping it tightly. "You're eager to know a lot, huh? Color me impressed, but why don't I show you instead? It'll be more fun." You laughed manically, before you flew yourselves up to the air, all the while Heeseung tried to get your grip away from him.

You smiled wildly upon arriving at your destination, landing to the ground with a blast of magic. "This is where I used to study my magic," You told Heeseung, feeling his throat sting from your strong chokehold. "Home." You let out before the two of you were clouded over by a mist in crimson color as everything starts to move into place, Heeseung startled by what was suddenly happening, turning cautious and alert.

A visualization of what was once a happy household taking the place of the torn down abode you called home. "We used to be a joyous family back in my universe. Billy, Tommy, me, and Mom. We were so happy, but I grieved the loss of my father while everyone had easily moved on and wanted to bring him back." You started to tell him your story, watching the visual of a shadow following your story through the command of your fingers, treading the air as though playing with a puppet with one hand. "So, I asked for consultation from Aunt Agatha who introduced me to the Dark Hold. Aunt Agatha wasn't mean back home. She helped me. She taught me how to move from one universe to another."

"How? Even with the Dark Hold, you can't possibly learn how to do that. You're only guaranteed to be able to dream walk and possess—"

"Advanced Magic." You replied to him, suddenly a feeling of regret and guilt, telling you to stop all this nonsense this instant hit your nerves, overwhelming your thoughts. "And just like Chavez, there's only one of me." Your voice faded to a sullen tone, head hanging low as the mist is sucked back into you, eyes turning glossy from the pain.

"You don't know that." Heeseung's gentle voice spoke to you.

"Yes, I do, Heeseung. I've been to every universe in search of my dad, but couldn't find a single clue of my other selves' whereabouts." You replied to him, unable to face him due to fear of being embarrassed for showing your vulnerable side to him. "I'm not the type to easily quit... well, at least that's what I always said to convince myself and deceive me."

Heeseung wasn't exactly sure whether this was just for a show or this was part of your plan. After all, you were the son of the Scarlet Witch. If he knew anything, Maximoffs are known to be great tricksters as told to him by others, but whether or not you were merely acting he couldn't bare the sight of it and ran up to you to give you a hug.

You flinched in surprise, before you melted into his embrace, using his shoulder to cry into. You didn't know why Heeseung would trust you that so easily. Especially with the way you treated him. No one would ever dare to befriend a harmful and discord inducing living creature. You needed this, nonetheless.

After a few seconds, when Heeseung felt like you were feeling alright already, he pulled away from you to break the hug wiping the tears from your eyes. "Are you feeling better now?" He asked you as you nodded your head in reply quietly, Heeseung acknowledging your answer and smiled. "Hey, why don't I help you find your mother? My father has only been telling me bad things about your family. Maybe if I joined you, I could get to know you better."

A smirk fell upon your lips, watching the now corrupted artifact hanging by Heeseung's neck shine red. Ribbons of the same color swirling around the Eye of Agamotto, invisible to Heeseung's eyes. The tips of Heeseung's fingers taking a similar color to yours, which made you believe your plan had worked, then nodding your head at Heeseung. "That would be lovely."

#x male reader #male reader #bxb #bottom male reader #fanfiction #idol x male reader #kpop #angsty #enhypen x male reader #enhypen lee heeseung x male reader #heeseung x male reader #lee heeseung x male reader #marvel au #hero au #fantasy au

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hippolotamus · 1 year

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Fuck it Friday

Thanks for the tags @spotsandsocks @achillesbuck @alyxmastershipper @ajunerose 🥰

Tagging @elvensorceress @fatedbuddie @buddierights @shortsighted-owl @alysiswriting @this-is-bwr

Earlier this week there was a fantastic post from @rose-buddie on a topic I think about quite a bit. So, for this Fuck it Friday I'm sharing some Eddie & his queer feelings* from my fic Whatever may come (your heart I will choose)

yes it's lengthy, but... context *Adding the usual caveats about this being my take on things. It's incredibly personal and everyone will have their own opinions. Enjoy and be nice to one another 💙

“When will you come to visit, Edmundo?”

“Maybe when I’m sure you and Mom won’t try to trap me there,” Eddie retorts. He thinks he should feel bad about it, but he really doesn’t. He’s got a great life, with people who love him, right where he is. He’s tired of being made to feel guilty for not staying in El Paso. “You can come here, too.”

“We’ve been there!” his mother protests.

Almost a year ago when I got my shield.

“It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about this now.” Eddie puts his phone on speaker so he can take his frustrations out on the dishes in his sink. Naturally, his parents move on to an equally grating topic.

“So,” Helena begins, “have you met anyone? A nice girlfriend you haven’t told us about?”

“Not really time to do that, Mom. Kinda busy with work and Christopher.” He scrubs at a plate coated with dried eggs and cheese instead of telling them that, yes, he has met someone and, no, they don’t need to know anything else. He knows better. One way or another they’ll break him down until he says more and that will only open the floodgates to an entirely different son they didn’t know they had.

With hardly any effort on their part, it’s the thing that breaks him anyway.

The ringing in his ears grows louder, drowning out whatever his mother and father are carrying on about. Maybe a neighbor, or one of his sisters? All he knows is the white noise and the constricting sensation building under his ribcage. It feels like it’s taking up too much room, crushing vital organs, and simultaneously hollowing him out.

Eddie doesn’t remember hanging up the phone, or dropping the plate. He remembers angrily scraping at globs of stuck on cheddar and coming back around on his kitchen floor next to shattered glass, hearing water still flowing from the faucet.

He tentatively sits up, inspecting his palms and forearms for stray bits of debris and scratches. There’s nothing he can see, just the way his hands shake when he holds them up. His head doesn’t hurt, but his back is stiff. How long was he down and out?

Eddie inhales through his nose, and forcefully exhales through his mouth. Again, and once more before he feels like he’s really come back to himself. His watch tells him only five or so minutes have passed. Only when his phone buzzes on the counter does he finally make himself stand, brushing off his jeans to see it’s his parents calling. They’ve called six times and left three voicemails. He should pick up the phone and call them back, so they don’t worry. He should. He will. Just not yet. He needs a minute – maybe a lifetime – to sort through what the fuck just happened. To identify why continuing to hide what his parents already don’t know made… whatever that was occur.

His phone buzzes again, only this time it’s his tiá, and he’s at least smart enough not to ignore her.

“Eddito, I just got a call from your Papá. What happened? He said they heard a crash and then nothing.”

“I’m fine. Really,” he insists. “ Just trying to do too many things at once.”

She hums skeptically, and he’s sure if he could see her face she would be frowning. He probably would, too, if he were her.

“You know you can tell me. You don’t have to keep it to yourself.”

He knows he could tell her. It’s not as if she and Abuela don’t already know about Buck. Hell, they probably knew before he did. Abuela and Pepa both cried and hugged him and, when they calmed down enough, demanded he bring Buck for dinner. They both understood that they were among the first to find out, other than Lena and Maddie, and vowed to keep quiet until he was ready.

“I will,” Eddie promises. “I’m just still figuring some stuff out.”

“If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure. See you for Sunday dinner?”

“Of course. I’ll see you boys then.”

Eddie ends the call and leans back against the counter, crossing his arms like it’ll keep all these too-big feelings from escaping. He tries to dig into them a bit, sort through the fog and overwhelm. It only serves to make him more frustrated that he can’t put a name to what’s bothering him, to the cavernous ache that forms in his chest when he thinks about sharing Buck with the rest of his family. Eventually, defeated and irritable, he sighs, pushing off the counter to find the broom and dustpan.

❤️❤️❤️

He doesn’t tell Buck about what happened with the phone call and the broken dish. Not at first. It isn’t until nearly two weeks later that he decides to say something. Because it inadvertently ends up being Buck who gives Eddie the push he needs.

Eddie’s just gotten home from dropping Christopher at school and Buck is spending a few hours with Maddie. He intends to spend the time finalizing the grocery list, catching up on laundry, and changing the oil in the truck. He decides to start with the truck so he goes to the bedroom to put on some rattier clothes. When he tosses his henley to the bed, he spots the greenish-blue cover on Buck’s nightstand. Curious, he walks over to see what Buck’s reading now, expecting to find something on an ancient civilization or a biography on Nikola Tesla. Instead, it’s neither of those. Not even close. Eddie stares, a little dumbfounded, at the cartoonish pink lettering overlaying a drawing of two boys standing side by side, their backs to the viewer, and a scattering of pink leaves.

He picks up the book – Heartstopper Volume 1 – intending to flip through the first few pages and get a feel for what it’s about. A graphic novel isn’t exactly what he expects, or anything he thinks Buck would be interested in. It looks too mature to be something Buck might have bought for Christopher. Eddie doesn’t think he’s read an actual book since he enlisted, much less anything like this. As a kid he enjoyed the comics in the Sunday newspaper, or borrowing copies of Captain America and X-Men from the library, but that was it.

Instead of stopping, he continues reading, getting absorbed in Nick and Charlie’s story. Two teenage boys, riddled with insecurities, hiding themselves as much as their affection for each other. He carries it to the kitchen when he makes a sandwich for lunch, and then to the back porch when he’s full. It’s where Buck finds him hours later, sitting quietly on the steps with the closed book on his lap.

“Hey, Eds,” Buck says quietly, sitting next to him and bumping their shoulders together. “What, uh, what’s going on? I texted a few times while I was with Maddie. Guess you didn’t see any of those.”

Eddie wants to tell him that he must have forgotten his phone when he was getting changed, or that he’s sorry and hopes he didn’t miss anything urgent. Instead he stares blankly ahead and says, “I broke one of the salad plates.”

“Uh, okay. That’s- no big deal. It’s not like we have to replace the whole set or anything.”

He finally turns to look at Buck, noting the way his eyebrows are raised and he’s biting his bottom lip nervously. Underneath Buck’s anxious exterior, Eddie still sees what he’s always found there. You’re safe. I’ve got your back. You matter. So Eddie tells him about the phone call with his parents, the chasm in his chest when he thinks about telling them he’s not just friends with Buck – that they’re in a romantic, committed relationship.

“I didn’t know how to put words to it – this feeling – to define what it is. I’m not sure I know any better now, either. The thing is,” Eddie continues, “when I’m with you, I’m safe. When we’re out with Chris, holding hands and just… being together, it’s ordinary in the best fucking way. The three of us being a family is easier than breathing. There’s nothing to think about, it makes sense . I don’t feel any different. I’m not any different. I’m still me and yet with my parents I’m… not me? Like I’m continually locking a piece of myself away for their benefit and holding my breath until they’re gone. Does that make sense?”

“More than you know.” Buck doesn’t elaborate and Eddie doesn’t push for an explanation. Eddie knows he’ll say something when he’s ready.

“It’s kinda why I bought the book,” Buck adds, nodding toward Eddie’s lap. “Maybe it’s not a great reason, but so many people were raving about it online, and talking about how they wished they had something similar as teenagers. It wasn’t, like, FOMO or anything. Just- I knew I had to.”

Christ, what Eddie would give to have had anything like it then. Maybe, reading about someone like Nick — the popular rugby player who struggles with his image and sexuality — would have made it easier to have hope. Instead, it was all stories following the AIDS crisis and celebrities being called “brave” for coming out publicly. Even those positive moments felt more like flickers, sparks lost in an endless night sky. Like Luke.

After Buck’s accident, reading the letter and reliving memories of Luke was like examining artifacts left over from another time. A moment that happened to a long forgotten, shut away version of himself. Attempting to sift through them now, knowing what he knows, is akin to tiptoeing through a minefield. At the other end there’s a sixteen-year-old edition of Eddie asking – begging – permission to speak. Seeking answers for questions he didn’t know could be posed, and wanting to define feelings using words that didn’t exist yet. At least not in his world. Not in El Paso where, even if someone was some flavor of queer, it was kept in the shadows. There was an unspoken rule that it wasn’t discussed. It wasn’t a thing to be proud of. Or a way of life that Eddie ever saw as attainable for himself, even as coming out became more mainstream. After Shannon got pregnant, after Christopher was born, Eddie had his marching orders so to speak. He had a wife, and a son, and anything he desired before became irrelevant. Wiped away. Erased.

“Grief again,” Eddie mutters, with a sudden clarity.

Buck scrunches his eyebrows, understandably confused. “Uh, what did I miss?

Eddie checks his watch, they still have time before they have to get Chris. He quickly stands and holds his hand out to Buck.

“Can I show you something?”

His hands shake the tiniest bit as he leads Buck back to his – their? – bedroom. “If you, uh, want to sit you can. I just need to get something from the safe.”

Eddie stands in front of the closet, his quivering fingers poised to open it. It shouldn’t be a big deal to pull a door open, but right now it feels damn near impossible. Buck lightly touches Eddie’s sides, alerting him to his presence so Eddie isn’t startled. He wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist and hooks his chin over Eddie’s shoulder, surrounds him.

“Eds, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Buck’s voice is low and soothing in his ear. “Whatever it is.”

“No, it’s not that. I do want to.” Eddie tries to give himself permission to relax into Buck’s embrace, to let it settle him until the trembling stills and his heart doesn’t feel like it’s trying to escape his chest. “Um, there was an accident. A car accident.”

“You mean Shannon?” Buck asks when Eddie doesn’t say anything more for nearly a minute.

He sighs and scrubs at his forehead, frustrated that speaking — one of the most basic human skills — is so complicated at times. Eddie wants to keep facing the wall, to stay hidden, but Buck deserves better than that. Buck’s hands land at Eddie’s waist once he’s turned around and they can see each other.

“Um, not Shannon. Fuck, now that I’ve started talking out loud, this seems like… a terrible idea.”

Buck‘s hands move to Eddie’s face, carefully cradling him, and sweeping his thumbs back and forth across his cheekbones. “Hey, remember what I said? All your baggage. Anything. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie nods, taking a deep breath before he continues. “So, obviously Shannon and I were together for a long time. Since we were kids, basically. Like some great first love kinda deal. But she wasn’t that, not really. Not the first anyway.”

Eddie feels the impulse to run, to get as far from this conversation as possible. He knows what they said about having each other’s back, and taking on all their emotional “stuff”. That doesn’t make it any easier to say the words out loud. Even with Buck resting his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, patiently waiting for him to speak again.

“His name was Luke,” Eddie finally says. “He started at my high school in the beginning of junior year. His family had just moved from Vermont to be closer to his aunt and cousins and all that. Anyway, we started hanging out, became best friends. And then- we were more than that.” Eddie pauses, trying not to get caught in the tangle of memories. If the lump in his throat is any indication, he’s pretty sure his efforts are failing. “It was, um, a very different time. A different place. We hid everything, from everyone. Our parents, friends, people in general.”

“That’s… awful. What happened?” Buck asks quietly.

“A late 80’s pickup truck happened. Driving home from school and the other driver ran the red light. Died instantly. I never really thought about it before, but I guess that’s probably a big part of why I felt compelled to become an Army medic and always wanted to do something that helped people. I was reading that book today and it all just kinda hit me. I went to his memorial service, like all the other kids. Just another classmate paying their respects.” Eddie lets out an irritated huff, feeling the past resentment bubble up. “Funeral was for family only. I couldn’t mourn or grieve the way I wanted. The way I needed. Fuck, I couldn’t even talk to the stupid guidance counselor at school.”

“That must have been rough. How did you deal with it all?”

“Same thing as always, I guess. Threw myself into schoolwork, asked for more hours at my job, kept busy. Basically I didn’t deal with it. Just told everyone I was fine and moved on.”

“But you didn’t,” Buck says, more an observation than an accusation. “Move on, I mean.”

“No, not really.”

Buck bites his bottom lip and pinches his eyebrows together, like he’s working through something. Gathering fragments of information and trying to stitch them together. “So, this happened to you not once, but twice?”

“Almost three,” Eddie confirms quietly. Buck pulls him closer, burying his face into the curve of Eddie’s neck, like he’s apologizing for nearly dying due to circumstances beyond his control. Eddie holds Buck in return, one hand resting against the small of his back, the other rubbing soothing circles, reassuring Buck he’s grateful they’re here now.

Buck lifts his head to look at Eddie again. “Tell me what happened next?”

“There wasn’t much after that. Met Shannon and… well, you know the rest of that story. I guess it was more about the phone call with my parents the other week. Mom asked if I had a girlfriend I wasn’t telling them about, and I just got so angry. At first I thought it was just the usual pissed off about them prying where they don’t belong. And because I wanted to tell them about you. To be able to tell them about us. The more I think about it, what you said about how people wished they had something like Heartstopper when they were younger — I think that’s a big part of what’s bothering me. They assumed if I did have someone it would be a woman. I’m a grown man, with a kid, living in LA, and I still don’t feel comfortable telling them I have a boyfriend.” Eddie lets out an exasperated sigh, “I couldn’t do it then and I still can’t now. It’s like I’m sixteen all over again and having to hide who I am. There’s so much resentment built up because I never got to have this as a kid. I can’t go back in time, and I can’t get any do-overs. I just want to be able to have it all now. With you.”

Buck catches his eye again, looking serious. “Eddie, I- I wanna do everything with you. This is a conversation for another time, but, um, I know how it is to have to hide yourself — even as an adult. If you remember just one thing, I need you to know there’s no timeline here. Not with me. You can tell them or not tell them whenever you’re ready. I mean, I assume at some point they might come here and you’ll have some explaining to do.”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath on that,” Eddie mutters.

“Either way,” Buck says, “I wanted you to know I’ll support whatever choice you make. When they call I can be your boyfriend or just the codependent best friend who’s constantly at your house hanging out with your super cool kid.”

“Thank you.” Eddie kisses him, chaste and soft. “For everything.”

“Anything,” Buck reassures him. They’re silent then, foreheads pressed together, until Eddie feels Buck shift like he’s furrowing his brow.

“You said you never told anyone,” he says, the implication clearly beginning to register. “Does that mean-“

“It means you’re the first person I’ve ever told any of this to. About any of it.”

“Eds,” Buck’s voice is shaky and Eddie can see tears forming when he pulls back just enough to look at Buck properly. “I- thank you. For trusting me with that.”

I trust you with everything. My life, my heart, my son, my future.

“Anything. Everything,” Eddie says instead.

“Can you- I mean, would you tell me more about him? About Luke?”

“What do you want to know?”

“How about just start at the beginning and we’ll go from there?”

“I’d like that,” Eddie says, leading Buck to the bed so they can lay curled up together.

Eddie tells him about the first day they met, and how he never expected Luke to want to even want to be friends with him. He fondly recalls lazy afternoons reading under the oak tree and how he never returned to the tree after the accident. He chose a new spot on a bench at the other side of the school. It had less shade, and wasn’t nearly as comfortable, but it didn’t hold as many bitter reminders. Not to mention Eddie’s classes and work took more of his time, so he wasn’t reading as much anyway.

“Hey,” Buck begins, carding his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “You said earlier you wanted to show me something?”

“I mean- it’s not- It’s nothing really.” In the warmth of the sunny afternoon, after hours of being engrossed in something that made him feel so seen, it seemed like a reasonable idea to share a physical piece of his past with Buck. Now that Eddie’s flayed himself open, it seems less so.

Unsurprisingly, Buck sees right past his flimsy objection, raising an eyebrow at him. “So insignificant you brought me back here, poured out years of grief, and told me things that you’ve never told anyone else?”

“Maybe?”

“Eds, you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to. Ever. You know that. I’m just sensing that maybe this isn’t nothing.”

“It’s not,” Eddie admits. “I just don’t want you to get freaked out by it. Like, I realize this might be a heavy thing now that we’re talking about it.”

“Heavier than telling me about your dead high school boyfriend?” Buck asks, eyebrow raised.

“Right,” Eddie gives him a quick kiss on his forehead before sitting up and making his way to the closet. He inputs the safe combination, pulling the door open to retrieve the box. Eddie walks back to the bed where Buck is laying on his side, propped up on his elbow, curiously eyeing the wooden object.

“This was the last thing he gave me. Well, only thing, really,” Eddie explains, tracing the outline of the puzzle box. “He left it in my truck at school as a surprise. But, it was the afternoon of the accident. So I never got to thank him or tell him what I thought about it. How much it meant to me even though I told him not to get me anything. I guess now I’m glad he didn’t listen.”

“Looks like he knew you pretty well. Have you ever thought of setting it out somewhere?”

“No? I mean it always felt too painful, and I never wanted to explain it. Besides, wouldn’t that be… awkward for you?”

Buck takes his hand, threading their fingers together. “It obviously means something that you held onto it. You don’t have to, but it won’t bother me if you do.”

Eddie leans down to press a kiss to their interwoven fingers, wondering what he did to deserve a partner like Buck. “I’ll think about it.”

Buck doesn’t say any words, but replies with his soft, only-for-Eddie smile, and manages to tell Eddie everything he needs to hear anyway.

❤️

Talking with Buck helps ease the ache in Eddie’s chest. The one that still makes him feel locked up and like he’s not allowed – or supposed to even want – to have this life he’s living. Buck gives Eddie the freedom to voice his frustrations, listening patiently and holding him or letting Eddie pace like a caged animal if he needs.

They rarely discuss Eddie’s time in the military. That’s still a piece of history Eddie’s not ready to poke at. It does come up during one of his venting sessions when Buck asks if Eddie had any similar feelings then. If Eddie ever felt out of place being in the army, or if he felt safe to be who he was even if he never said it out loud. At first, Eddie didn’t think it was an issue and tells Buck as much. It was war and death and trying to survive long enough to get home to his family. There was no room to think about who he was other than a soldier, a son, a father, a husband.

Not even when you were laid up in Afghanistan? his mind supplies. The thought surprises him until he starts mentally reviewing his time in the medical tent. A memory comes to him, fuzzy and dim at first, until it becomes clearer. He remembers the crackling static of a television and hearing the news: Wedding bells are ringing across the country in places like Texas and Alabama and Georgia. Places that some people thought this day might never come… From the Stonewall Inn in New York to San Francisco’s city hall, celebrations decades in the making. But, perhaps, none as meaningful as these. Same sex marriage ceremonies in states where it was illegal before today… ‘The time has come that Texas has finally caught up with history. Love rules’… ‘You wouldn’t think something so basic could take so long’.

Eddie remembers the way his breath caught as he listened while trying to appear like he wasn’t. At the time, his first thought had been wondering what his life might have looked like if this had only come ten years earlier. Would he have gone through with marrying Shannon? Would it have been okay to be who he was? Would it have been any more acceptable or would people stay stuck in their ignorance? His question was immediately answered when someone turned off the broadcast, mumbling ‘is this what the fuck we’re dying for?’ He remembers the way the light, airy bubble of hope had burst, leaving an acidic trail in its wake. The way he dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand, and bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to contain the tears threatening to spill over. He remembers how fucking alone he felt in that moment, and passed the time until he fell asleep reminding himself he had a wife and a son that needed him to forget who he was and get his shit together as a husband and father.

Despite all his talks with Buck, there’s a piece Eddie can’t quite put his finger on. Like a speck of dust on his eyelashes that he can’t see, but can’t get rid of either.

Bobby encourages Eddie to talk to one of the department therapists, but Eddie’s not so sure he’s really a therapy kind of guy. Even if he was more than willing to have Christopher see someone. Is a therapist really going to help with a situation like this when Eddie barely knows what this is? If he’s being honest, it takes so much effort for Eddie to open up to the people he does know — how’s he going to open up to a total stranger?

The universe, however, seems determined to pry Eddie open and make him spill out whatever poison has been left in his system. One morning in November, while he’s out checking off his to-do list, he runs into Michael Grant at the home improvement store.

“Hey, Eddie,” Michael tries to wave around the armful of lightbulbs he’s carrying. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Do you need a basket or something?”

“Oh, no. I’m fine. I was just about to check out actually. No Buck today?”

Eddie can’t help his automatic smile at the sound of Buck’s name. “Nah, he was pretty wiped out from our shift. He’s at home, dead to the world.”

“At home, huh? Things are pretty serious then.”

“Well, I-” Eddie feels his cheeks flush, heat creeping up the back of his neck. “Yeah, it is.”

Michael gives him a knowing smile, nodding his head slowly. “Good for you. I’m happy for you two.”

“Uh, thanks for that. I am, too. Really happy.” Because Eddie’s never been one to talk about himself he tries switching the focus back to Michael. “What about you? Anything or anyone new?”

“Work is steady, people always want new buildings. Kind of a shame with all the existing architecture, but no one wants to spend the money to renovate those. As for people… just me and the kids for now. Which reminds me, Athena asked if I could take them this weekend.” Michael manages to pull his phone from his pocket, still juggling the lightbulbs, to type a note for himself.

Eddie realizes he’s never talked to Michael much. Not just in general, but about the dynamic between him and Athena after their divorce. It’s not any of Eddie’s business, he knows that. He still has a nagging feeling that he wants to ask anyway.

“Can I ask you something?”

“As long as it’s not to help break into a bank vault,” Michael teases.

“No, I’ll leave that to Bobby. I was just wondering, um, what was it like… telling Athena?” Eddie doesn’t say the rest but he thinks Michael gets it from the way his expression softens.

“I don’t have anywhere to be. Do you have time to grab a coffee?”

There’s a few odds and ends to pick up for new shelving in Christopher’s room, nothing that can’t wait. “Yeah, I do.”

Eddie helps Michael take his armload of merchandise through check out and they agree to meet at a cafe a couple blocks away. They’re able to find a semi-secluded table near the back where they can talk without much interruption.

“No use sugar coating anything,” Michael says, stirring his hot tea. “It was one of the best and worst days of my life. On one hand I felt so relieved to finally say the words out loud. But it came at an astronomical price. I had to break my best friend’s heart, and I don’t think I will ever get over that.”

“I can imagine. Telling Shannon I thought we should get a divorce was hard enough. That was without realizing any of the feelings I had for Buck. I mean, maybe they were there? I don’t know. It’s not like I feel… wrong about being with him – far from it. The thing is-” What? Eddie cuts himself off, because this is the part that trips him up and makes him feel like he’s fumbling in the dark.

“You know who you are, but you’re not sure anyone else does anymore?”

“Kind of? I haven’t said anything to my parents or sisters yet. And I only kept it from my sisters so they didn’t accidentally tell our mom and dad. I guess I just know there’s going to be questions about Shannon, and did I always know or is it because I moved to LA? What am I teaching Christopher? Shit like that. It’s none of their business, but they’re not going to give up. Y’know?”

Michael purses his lips, nodding his head in understanding. “Oh, I do. First of all, you’re one hundred percent correct. It’s not any of their business how you conduct your life or raise your son. Christopher is loved, and well cared for, and that’s what matters. As for the other stuff… well, I wish there was a handbook, but, sadly, no one’s written one yet. There’s a whole lot of gray areas. You can plan your conversations, and your answers, to the letter. The truth is it will make you learn your boundaries and when to stand your ground. It’ll change from person to person and not everyone needs to know everything. It might not feel like it sometimes, but you’re the one holding all the cards, Eddie. You are the final decision of who has access to you and your family.”

“Huh, I never thought of it like that. Everyone at the 118 has been so amazing – my abuela and tía, too – I guess I just keep holding my breath, waiting for the fallout from my parents. They’ve never given me a reason to think it would be a problem, but they never gave me a reason not to either. Being raised in a Catholic household isn’t very conducive to saying ‘guess what? I’m gay’ or queer or whatever it is I am.”

Michael taps the table to get his attention. “You are Eddie Diaz, first and foremost. Got that? Second, labels are… a very personal thing. I’m a gay man. I feel comfortable labeling myself that way. For you, it might be something different or you might not want to pick a specific word at all. There’s no rule saying you have to choose one. And just because you love Buck now doesn’t mean it invalidates what you had with your wife. It doesn’t make it any less real. When Athena and I got married, I genuinely loved her. I still love her, it just looks different than before.”

Eddie sips at his coffee that could be classified as lukewarm at best, letting Michael’s words sink in. He turns them around in his mind and tries to match them with his own experiences. He did love Shannon, that was real. He loves Buck and he knows it’s not just because Buck is another man. Buck is obviously attractive, but he’s also kind, intelligent, and caring. He treats Eddie and Christopher well, and makes it clear every day how much he loves them both. He loves Buck because he is Buck and everything that includes.

“That all makes sense,” Eddie says. “You said the conversations look different for everyone, but how did you feel about yourself and how people might see you? Specifically what it was like after all those years of being married to a woman, and having kids.”

“Oh boy, that was a reality check. Deep down, for a lot of years, I knew who I was. By the time I was ready to take ownership of that, to share it with others… well, let’s just say I didn’t consider that not everyone had as much time to adjust to the idea as I did. For me, I was done living in the shadows, I wanted to tell the world. For Athena, Harry, May, my friends and in-laws, it was more complicated. Harry and May probably handled it the best, but that was still touch and go at first. I think Athena knew to a point, even before. It was still tough for her not to feel like she was lied to – and I get it. I made a promise to her, a vow. Who wouldn’t be hurt getting blindsided like that? Friends and coworkers’ reactions were all over the map. Some were supportive, others didn’t understand how I’d ever married Athena, and started a family, if I knew I liked men. Some were downright ignorant and we haven’t spoken since. I guess I spent so long knowing, it felt like finally being able to breathe. After I realized not everyone wanted – or needed – to know, I figured the rest would fall into place.”

“So, has it?”

“Mostly,” Michael says. “It’s an ongoing process. By now the most important people in my life know, and we’ve worked through it. We’ll probably do it again if I ever meet someone new, and again if I want to make him a permanent part of my life.”

“You make it sound so simple,” Eddie says around a chuckle.

“Uh huh, I wish. You’ll get there in your own time.” Michael gives him a warm smile that feels somewhat reassuring. “Say, have you considered finding any local groups? You can even find something online if you want. Don’t get me wrong, I am always here to talk if you want. In my experience you can never have too many resources. It might even be something for Buck to look into.”

“Maybe, I’ll mention it to him. Speaking of, I should probably get home and try to get a little sleep before it’s time to get Chris. Thanks, Michael, for being so open with me.”

“Of course! Here, let me give you my number if you ever need anything. Even if you want to text, we don’t have to talk.”

They exchange phones, adding their information before handing them back, and saying goodbye. Nothing is new except having a conversation, but Eddie does feel lighter, like he’s not quite so alone in his experience.

On the drive home he mulls over Michael’s suggestion about finding a group. Eddie knows it isn’t the same, but it still seems an awful lot like therapy and dumping his baggage on strangers. Maybe Buck will be more comfortable with it. If he is, he’ll want Eddie to go, too, but he won’t push if Eddie says no or not yet.

Any thoughts of therapy, or his parents, dissolve when Eddie gets home and climbs under the covers. Buck barely moves except to automatically snuggle against him to be Eddie’s little spoon. He tucks one arm over Buck’s side, molding them together as much as he can. Eddie manages to whisper I love you, pressing a kiss to Buck’s neck before sleep drags him under.

#fuck it friday #queer feelings #eddie diaz #evan buckley#michael grant #coming out later in life #hippo writes #whatever may come (your heart i will choose)#💙🦛

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jadesbrain · 24 days

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i am still stuck begging. still longing for something that will never be. things arent getting any better. we're still constantly arguing about things that dont need to be argued over and if you asked him he would just say that it's my fault. that im the one causing all the arguments due to my constant complaining and nagging. but he doesn't clean unless i hold his hand to help him, he doesnt help pick up or even pick up his own things. he literally told me he needs me to guide him in order for him to clean his own house. i am not going to mother him. i am not going to raise a grown man. im already raising our son. tonight i cleaned almost the entirety of downstairs by myself. moved the couch, swept, mopped, dishes, sippy cups, high chair tray and the cover, moved everything by the stairs, and wiped off the dining room table. i know since i stay home all of this should have already been done but it gets so overwhelming. i clean one thing, move onto the next, and then the last thing i cleaned is already dirty again. and i know having a mini tornado running around doesnt really help but he really just tears up the living room and his room but his room is always the cleanest in the house. honestly, life would have been easier had i kept my job. my husband and i might not be married but at least i wouldnt be picking up after two children. im so tired. i have been thinking about taking my life quite frequently. some days it seems so peaceful. just to die. to not have to beg, expect, or try to get my husband to act like he's in love with me. in death, i wouldnt have to beg anyone to help me around the house or have to constantly push through days where i want to hide away and never see the light of day again. other days it's not so bad. the days my son and i go to the park and he actually eats breakfast(he's teething rn), and we stick to the little schedule i made for us. the days my husband makes an effort to show his appreciation for what i do for our family and at leasts thanks me for the workload i carry and the mental burden of everything else. i am constantly going back and forth with myself about whether i should just take my life or not. theres nothing left in my marriage for me to hold onto. the love, the passion, the care.. it's all gone. sure if i did kill myself they might blame my depression or ptsd or even my bpd. but it's not any of that. it's the abuse when i was 7 and begging for a family. it's begging to be seen as a daughter by my stepdad while his daughters came to visit for the summer, constantly wondering why i was a bandage instead of a daughter. it's watching my mom become a borderline alcoholic and becoming addicted to smoking while i barely had money in my lunch account, staying home to watch my brother because she couldnt afford the after school care and no one else could watch him. it's being told that nothing was wrong with me all these years while i had 4 suicide attempts between the ages of 13-17. it's trusting someone to take me to see my family and then they shoved my head up to force me to kiss them. it's my great grandma dying within 2 months of that. it's me being raped in my sleep for 2 weeks and then everyone finding out about it. it's me being raped in my sleep again and developing ptsd stemmed insomnia. it's me getting kicked out of my in-laws house with my 6 month old son with no car and no place to go. it's my husband begging me to stay with them after and not caring about my mental health. it's my husband never realizing that i needed him to lean on, his shoulder to cry on. it's my husband making me feel like i am too much and the love i want is too high of expectations. it's me still fighting for him to care about me and love him right. it's my son now being at an age where he doesn't need me anymore. all of this, all the abuse, the rape, the trauma, the begging. for what? just to end up wanting to kill myself and no one realizing. i dont have a plan. i just want to die.

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oldpunkfromda90s-blog · 2 years

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Lineages of Protest: A Brief Review Of, Reflection On, and Postscript to Season 1 of the podcast Mother Country Radicals By Chris White

Lineages of Protest:

A Brief Review Of, Reflection On, and Postscript to Season 1 of the podcast Mother Country Radicals

By Chris White

The first season of Zayd Dohrn’s podcast, Mother Country Radicals, is exceptional. First, in an era where everyone releases recordings of tired conversations into the world for 15 minutes of fame, it is well written, well produced, and well paced. My friend who told me about it said something to the effect of, “Have you heard that Serial podcast about the Weather Underground?” Zayd has such a unique intimate connection to the material and an access to people about a part of their lives that is closely guarded. And also, he discovers things in the reporting that he did not know or realize before. But also, I like it especially because it fills in a lot of context of both my family’s life and my own journey.

Zayd Dohrn is the oldest son of Bernadine Dohrn and William Ayers who were part of an underground, sometimes violent, direct action movement against U.S. Imperialism and racism beginning in the 60s.. He was born while his parents were still in hiding and grew up as they emerged from it.

William Ayers, once served on a foundation board with Barack Obama, and was therefore a central figure in the opposition research about Obama the candidate. My favorite tv moment during the 2008 election was the Saturday Night Live skit in which they portray William Ayers and Jeremiah Wright performing the Gnarls Barkley song Crazy.

One of the episodes, the fourth one I believe, describes the death of Diana Oughton in a Greenwich Village townhouse due to a bomb that exploded during manufacture. I first heard about Diana Oughton when I was in high school. I lived in my mother’s basement where one of her bookshelves was. There was a sensational biography of Diana Oughton next to an anthology of underground newspapers. My mom told me about almost getting kicked out of high school for distributing the newspaper and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for protests that Oughton was a part of.

Someone in the podcast says something to the effect of, “Those who do don’t tell and those who tell can’t do.” I assume that if Mother Country Radicals was a movie, my parents and some of my other relatives would be composite characters and extras. I imagine them in the closing credits with role names like Hippy Making Sandwiches #2 and Woman Living In Commune. But what do I know? None of them would want to have burdened me with any information nor would they have shared specifics about themselves or their friends.

When I was growing up in the 80s I remember the feeling that my parents were from the 60s. My mom has so many stories, but the accuracy of them is unclear. My dad mostly just says that it was a very difficult time and that it’s hard for him to think about.

In the 80s, there were a lot of cultural tropes about the 60s. There were reruns of Laugh In and The Monkees. I went through a period of being obsessed with The Beatles.

During my childhood, there were many pop culture references to groups like the Weather Underground and also to the Symbionese Liberation Army or SLA who were known for allegedly kidnapping and possibly recruiting the heiress Patty Hearst. The one I remember most vividly was a two part Laverne & Shirley episode. I saw the films Flashback and Rude Awakening in the theater which were both screwball comedies about radicals emerging from the underground into a world they struggle to understand. I wonder if the Dohrn Ayers family has ever seen either of these films, because I can almost hear their eyes rolling.

My parents met at a concert in Gallup Park in Ann Arbor organized by the 60s activist John Sinclair. It was the MC5 opening for Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen. Do you remember the end of Back To The Future where Michael J Fox has to play Johnny B Goode so his parents will kiss or else he will cease to exist? That’s how I feel about these two bands.

In particular, the stoner country stylings of Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen are particularly bizarre cultural artifacts. I have a live album in which they do an epic cover of the long form narrative country classic “Hot Rod Lincoln.” In this version, the singer has to convince the police officer that pulls him over that he is not some “long haired hippie S-L-A commie weirdo.” “I had to show him my house.”.

My parents have such very hippy wedding photos.They were two hippies that loved to cook and planned to get married and open a little hippy restaurant. And then they have the most awkward photo of my dad with a haircut and a shirt and tie with my mom in a sprawling apartment complex . At this point my dad has stopped being counter cultural and is being mentored in food service management by a man named Michael from whom I got my middle name. By the time I was born, my dad was an assistant manager at the Stouffer’s Restaurant at 666 Fifth Avenue in New York City.

In between, there are stories. There is the honeymoon where they attempt to hitchhike to California. My mom says that the Bay Area was exhausting, because my dad was constantly wandering off and she had to rescue him from being taken by cults. She says he would come up to her and say something like, “These guys in the van have these really good free burritos and they just want us to go with them so they can show us this really cool place.”

And after I was born, we eventually moved back to the Midwest, and my mom’s stories continue. They are of a different era. My dad took a job in Flint, Michigan, as the assistant food service manager of Hurley Hospital where part of his brand was that he went along to get along with his employees’ union. While the Fair Housing Act passed in 1969, our historically white Flint neighborhood was only just beginning to integrate in the 80s. And for my mom, what we would say in today’s anti-racist parlance is that she was recruited by black leaders to do the organizing and emotional labor with the parents who supported integration.

I did get taken to protests growing up. I remember seeing Jesse Jackson get in a heated exchange with police in Washington D.C at an Anti-Apartheid protest. during a family road trip. But more often, I was at community meetings and canvasses. Slow careful populist organizing was what I witnessed, not the frantic disruption of “Days of Rage.”

Meanwhile, the generation between us, perhaps the youngest siblings or older niblings of the Weather Underground, were supporting Latin American uprisings like the Sandinistas and attempting to infiltrate factories. One epicenter of this was the factories around me in Southeastern Michigan, and another was the textile factories in Greensboro, North Carolina.

Also, in Flint, you could see the traces of the old left. Every year, my cub scout troop would march in a parade with the surviving sitdown strikers who in 1936 occupied Chevy In The Hole, over by my house, and won recognition for the UAW.

About first grade, I had a friend Juanita, a white kid with a Latin name, who started coming over after school so her hippy mom could stay at work. And then in return, I would sometimes go over there or join them on camping trips. I only met her dad a couple times, but he was one of those leftists who had long hair, worked in the factory, and sold radical newspapers on street corners. Juanita and I got enrolled in a weekly Alvin Ailey style dance class at the arts center on the historically African-American side of Flint. We were the only white kids and I was the only boy in the class. I felt insecure about having to wear tights. I remember my Republican grandparents coming from Ann Arbor for the recital.

But the initial attempts to build left wing factions inside the UAW and in nonunion factories sputtered due partly to a lack of rank and file interest in leftist theory and also the intense wave of deindustrialization.The big auto companies slashed the Michigan workforce through automation, outsourcing parts and processes to nonunion suppliers, and also exporting jobs to Texas and Mexico I remember when the Detroit Tigers played a Texas Rangers home game and half the stadium was wearing Tiger hats. Michael Moore’s Roger & Me came out when I was in middle school and talked about how this process led to Flint falling apart and having more rats than people. These days, people who hear my wife and I spent part of our childhoods in Flint ask us about the water crisis, but that happened long after we had lived there. And also, the block I grew up on was devastated by disinvestment and abandonment years before the water crisis.

The water crisis in Flint is better understood when you look at what happened years earlier when Coleman Young was Mayor of Detroit. So many white families refused to live in a city with black leadership that Southeastern Michigan became a ring of suburbs who used and extracted resources from Detroit but fought viciously against any resources going into Detroit. It was a similar pattern of racism and neglect that lead to the takeover and mismanagement of Flint’s government and failed to continue the water treatment that had previously prevented lead from leaching into the taps.

There were some activists who got their coworkers involved in a stronger more authentic space in the labor movement, but it was from talking about occupational health and safety more than Marx and Lenin. There was also an organizing wave of “pink collar” office jobs that was informed by feminism and lead by the organization “9 to 5” which inspired Jane Fonda to help make the film 9 to 5 that I saw in the theaters.

Also, in 1979, a group of Greensboro counter protesters were shot and killed at a Klan rally, and the movement there scattered. Many of them would eventually be in the staff and/or leadership of unions and nonprofits I would later work with.

My parents split up, my mom got sick, and the late 80s found me in high school and living with her in affordable housing on the edge of the increasingly fluent Ann Arbor. My mom bought me an army surplus jacket like she used to wear as an SDS militant and I covered it in art and buttons. I started going to punk shows in a basement on Hill Street where bands like Green Day played a couple years before they became big names playing stadiums.

The first Gulf War led to a resurgence of radical youth organizing. A group of students at my high school threatened a walk out and then negotiated with the principal to have a “teach in” forum about the war instead. A member of the Bush Sr. cabinet flew in to speak in between our parents’ generation of anti war activists. The war, along with the collapse of Soviet Communism, led to a revival of interest in Anarchism.

But also, the collapse of the leftist movement in the factories devolved into what felt like fifty mostly white middle class students in sixty different partisan leftist organizations that constantly fought over a shrinking amount of attention. If you’ve ever seen the heated argument between the Judean People’s Front and the People’s Front of Judea in the Monty Python movie LIfe of Brian, then you know exactly what it was to sit in a cafe near the University of Michigan in the 80s and 90s watching stacks of rival leftist newspapers fall over each other while people argue about interpretations of Marxism while drinking expensive coffees..

Some of my friends went to the selective enrollment Community High School, Commie High, as it was affectionately called, was where there was an open campus, rampant alternative chic, students calling teachers by their first names, and other values and practices that seemed to come out of the 60s cultural space. However, most kids did not get into Community. There were so few spots and so much demand that at one point parents were literally camping out to be in line for enrollment. The kids in my mostly POC neighborhood disproportionately ended up in the mainstream high school which felt less pressure to reform because families with resources who wanted something different should just go to the alternative school. While Community High students could leave campus for any reason without penalty, an Ann Arbor police officer at my high school would literally hide in the bushes to bust you for doing the same.

That was a strange part of my upbringing. The values of intervention and attention to the disparities in the world that the Weather Underground wanted to address in solidarity with the Black Panthers and Black Liberation Army turned into a lot of spaces that were supposed to create a container for those values but became exclusive spaces for people who were mostly wealthy and white. One of the reasons that I got into punk was that between Grateful Dead tickets, organic cotton clothing, and high grade marijuana, I couldn’t really afford to be a hippy. Parents in Ann Arbor were very interested to read about neighborhoods like mine, but lost their freaking minds if the African American kid next door to me got in one little fight at their kid’s school. Being a white articulate poor person helped me get a lot of financial aid that allowed me to attend a small, high tuition “progressive” liberal arts college. We boycotted Pepsi over their involvement in Burma and took classes about Saul Alinsky, but we had very few African American students if any.

Meanwhile after the end of the Vietnam War, another wave of anti war activists calling themselves Movement For A New Society or MNS moved en masse to a working class neighborhood in West Philadelphia. The ones with means would buy some of the large houses that were dropping in price so that people could have an inexpensive room and the free time to be part of organizing. Many found jobs and leadership positions in the American Friends Service Committee, the social justice ministry of the Quaker Church. MNS and allied activists created a training institute, a book publisher, a food coop, a land trust, and other social and economic infrastructure that supported an activist lifestyle.

Meanwhile or a little later, a number of activists began taking over and squatting large tenement buildings on the Lower East Side of New York that had either been abandoned or kept vacant by speculators. Many were part of the punk rock or new wave art scenes. Some that left New York bought or squatted in Philadelphia and enjoyed the immense infrastructure that Movement For a New Society had built. One house I lived in off and on for 8 years, was a former squat that the residents had managed to purchase at a tax sale.

The new wave of anarchists that came out of opposition to the first gulf war during my high school years turned into, during my college years, what I jokingly refer back to as the golden age of anarchist franchise organizing. On weekends, I would hitch hike from my isolated college campus into town and end up sleeping on the floor of an activist household. This group of people had met at protests and conferences and moved there together. They bottomlined the regional or local chapters of Earth First, Food Not Bombs, Anti Racist Action, Radical Cheerleaders, radical library, 60’s poltical prisoner support group, books to prisoners project, etc. I started showing up and eventually traveled and visited projects across the country, especially in California’s Bay Area.

On New Years Day 1994, the Zapatista Army of National Liberation or EZLN rose up in arms to seize the land from the handful of wealthy families that owned most of the state of Chiapas in Mexico It was the first post Soviet revolution. This indigenous army, many of which had survived Reagan’s bloody intervention in the political tumult in neighboring Guatemala, immediately declared a ceasefire and attempted negotiations. People from across Mexico and the world organized support caravans and delegations of human rights observers. I would eventually spend time there in the late 90s. While the Mexican Government has mostly failed to honor its promises and conducted a low intensity war, the EZLN has mostly held on to the land and created a development model on its own terms lead by its own people.

After graduation and before and after my trips to Chapas, I ended up in West Philly. A Zagat review of my favorite neighborhood Eritrean restaurant described it as being in the “Anarchist Section of Philadelphia.” I was enticed to get the “West Philly Deal” which was the idea that if you moved to West Philly and joined the activist community you would get a cheap room, six romantic dates (or dried figs), a bicycle made out of spare parts, and a role in a band. Also, West Philly was where the Food Not Bombs (a movement of radical food distribution collectives) and ACT-UP chapters were becoming more diverse and having more traction with and ownership by affected communities of color, though progress was slow and not without problems. .

During my second trip to Chiapas, I missed the 1999 World Trade Organization Protest in Seattle. I had been traveling around the country going to different protests with what felt like the same 200 people and therefore had planned to go to Mexico instead. But then just about every other activist in North America was there as well as the activists who were about to take over SEIU, HERE, and the AFL-CIO. It was the zenith of the movements that had started organizing in reaction to the first Gulf War. I was then part of a number of follow up mega-protests though they seemed to dwindle in size and effectiveness.

The September 11th attacks seemed to change the political space in which movements operated. Also, the legal fallout from the protests at the 2000 Republican National Convention had taken years to clear up.

About that time, I’d heard that the janitors union needed someone bilingual in English and Spanish to help. I showed up and was shocked to learn that I was getting paid for a 9 week internship normally reserved for members. I had been surviving off of odd jobs and medical studies for five years and never been paid to be part of a movement (although protest movements had allowed me access to a lot of resources.) I stayed at the union for six years and then followed the man who hired me back into community organizing. Now twenty years have passed and I have bounced between paid labor organizing, community organizing, and fair housing enforcement ever since .

And now my stepkids think I’m a strange old guy from the 90s. They think of me in a foggy photo of a sea of black denim of filthy white kids screaming along at a Los Crudos show in a Losaida Squat.(not that this happened all at once as far as I can remember). There’s a goofy clip of me on the news in Eugene Oregon in 1996 and a picture of me in a boxcar a few days later wearing a shirt with a Propagandhi patch.These look so retro now, but to me that was almost yesterday.

I’m hoping there will be more seasons of Mother Country Radicals. I would love for Season 2 to cover the era when middle class, mostly white, leftists coming of age in the 80s who supported left wing uprisings in Latin America tried to become factory workers. Maybe there could be prequel seasons about Alinsky and the Civil Rights Movement and the characters in Reds. Maybe I would be a background character in the season about the 90s.

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rustbeltadventure · 2 years

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Lineages of Protest: A Brief Review Of, Reflection On, and Postscript to Season 1 of the podcast Mother Country Radicals By Chris White

Lineages of Protest

A Brief Review Of, Reflection On, and Postscript to Season 1 of the podcast Mother Country Radicals

By Chris White

In the 80s, there were a lot of cultural tropes about the 60s. There were reruns of Laugh In and The Monkees. I went through a period of being obsessed with The Beatles.

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bolbianddolanhouse · 2 years

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BNHA self insert AU [Book 4]

Not caught up? Why not?! Here’s som handy links 1 * 2 * 3

Chapter 7:...Yes, A Really Good Book

The twins are now seeing the reality that their whole family went through at UA, all the rigorous training but now with the added expectations to be like the rest of their family. It’s only been a month and they’re close to exploding emotionally.

-Saturday, Iida household-

“Gemelos, adone estan?” their mother coo’d for them “I cut some fresitas, come eat.”

A collective groan was made from the living room. The twins were face down on the carpet, unmoving and sore as hell.

“Come on, I’m not air lifting you guys” sighed their mother as she floated over to her children with the bowl of fruit “I know training is kicking your asses, this is why your dad and I trained you. Without it, you’d be dead tired.”

Tensei rolled onto his back “Ow! Mama, how the fuck did you survive doing both hero and intelligence training?!” He looked at his mother with curiosity “All the staff is expecting us to be on par with you. And I took a major L yesterday when doing the rope climb.”

“I set the rope on fire because sensei got me mad” Hanaka added, barely lifting her head.

“Ah my favorite” their mother said sarcastically as she folded her legs to sit next to her children “I was just built different. Had to fight my way through everything in my life before coming here. So this training shit was like a breeze in comparison.”

“Is America really that intense?” questioned the twins

Their mother sighed and nodded “I was raised in a very conservative time, anyone that wasn’t white or white passing was oppressed. But especially if you had more than one quirk!”

Tensei attempted to sit up properly “No way! What did you do to hide your quirks? Everyone in your family would’ve had to hide their too!”

“We just didn’t say our quirks publicly, my mom worked in places where they were safe to use both their quirks. My sister had to register herself as disabled because both of her quirks prevent her from getting a job or living an independent life” she described “My brother didn’t have much trouble hiding his and I struggled a bit.”

“Why mama?” asked Hanaka as she shakily tried to sit up and plopped back down.

“My telekinesis wasn’t stable and was borderline disabling” their mother said as she watched her children struggle to sit “If hero culture was a thing, I’d be sent to a specialized school to hone my quirk as a child or be encouraged to use both of them in public... But I was just another cog in the machine that the government was willing to cast away at the moment’s notice.”

“That’s so wack! How could you be okay with that life?!” protested Tensei, now sitting up “You always said you wanted to go back or that you wished you never left, how is that better?!”

“Oh my sweet bebe, it was so liberating to not be dependent on your quirk to live a normal life” she sighed as she floated a strawberry toward her son “I didn’t have to worry about a single thing, I had everything I needed and I only ever wanted to be loved and be comfortable. And when things went down, I fought to have my shred of normalcy back.”

“Thats all you wanted?” Hanaka questioned, still struggling “But what about meeting Papa? You’re so in love with him!”

Their mother sighed lovingly “Ay mi~ As much I love your father” she gently fed a strawberry to Tensei “I had a boyfriend that I was willing to marry before I came over here.”

Hanaka latina gasped and finally sat up properly, ignoring her pain “QUE?! I lover left behind?!”

“Si mi amor, I left behind who I thought was my one and only”

Tensei swallowed his bite of strawberry “So what happened to him?”

“I don’t know” their mother showed a pained expression “I lost track of him when I graduated from UA. I don’t know if he’s still alive or if he moved on to someone else. But I hope he’s doing okay and he’s happy with his new life...without me.”

“Aw mama I didn’t mean to make you sad” Hanaka comforted, she hates to see her mother so sad.

“No bebe, I’m not sad” their mother smiled through the pain “I just miss him, I literally planned my entire, short life with him. And he just swept me off my feet with the simplest things, plus it helped that he was so talented and sensitive. We didn’t need money to be happy, just each other.” She glanced over at the family picture on the wall “Not to mention that my parents LOVED my boyfriend and his family. They were really rooting for us to get married the moment we turned 18.”

“Abuelito and Abuelita love Papa no?” questioned Tensei, hoping he was right.

Their mother let out a sharp, singular laugh “Oh no bebe, your grandma HATES your dad! She really wanted me to marry a latino with those hard working morals. Not your rich boy playing superhero father, or as she puts it ‘a cop without the gun’”

Tensei scrunched his nose “Well in that case, why move on? I wouldn’t if I loved someone else before.”

“Oh yeah Tensei, the girls are just lining up to confess daily” sarcastically spoke his twin “they stuff your locker with notes and give you handmade bento to spoon-feed you at lunch!”

Tensei squinted at Hanaka “Sure! And the boys are on their hands and knees to your every whim too!” he matched the energy “They’re bending over backwards to shade you in the sun and carry you to your desk, so you don’t tire your little legs!”

“Okay enough you two” mediated their mother “You’ll understand once you meet your special someone, things will fall together and wonder why you ever lived without them.”

Tensei was always skeptical about love and romantic feelings, so his mother’s words were just another thing that he didn’t see the logic in. Hanaka absorbs anything love related but doesn’t put in the effort to be in a relationship. Not like anyone was actively seeking them anyways, especially not in UA!

-Two weeks later, Homeroom-

“...next for spars, Hanaka-”

“Please not Tensei, PLEASE NOT TENSEI!” Hanaka harshly whispered her plea in the gym bleachers.

“aaand Tensei”

“FUCK! OF COURSE IT’S MY FUCKING TWIN!” screamed the twins, angrily making their way to the sparing circle.

“Sheesh, you’d think they’d be over their tantrums” Masaru whispered to Tetsu, as they watched the twins do their little pre-spar stretch “This was bound to happen!”

“Heh, bet you 1,000 yen that Hanaka is gonna beat the shit outta Tensei” Tetsu wagered.

Masaru gasped “Don’t you have confidence in our friend?!”

Tetsu deadpanned to Masaru “Dude, she sent the class rep to the nurse’s office with a multi-punch attack in under a minute. Not to mention that she’s undefeated so far in spars!”

“If you put it that way” Masaru sighed in defeat “I’ll throw in this betting rink.”

The buzzer rang and the twins carefully circle each other, waiting for the other to make a move.

“I’m real sick of getting put up against you” spat Hanaka, high off their last 2 wins “Do me a favor and lose because I’m the queen of spars, that’s MY thing NOT YOURS!”

“The feeling is mutual hermanita” Tensei responded “But you know me, and I won’t go down without a FAIR fight. Not that you know how to play fair.”

That pushed Hanaka over the edge and ignited herself, tensing her body into fighting stance. Tensei did the first move and the fight escalated into a sibling fistfight and less of a technique display. Hanaka tries to pin her twin down for a pummeling.

“I should of ate you in the womb!” she yelled “then I wouldn’t be compared to you!”

“Bitch I wish you would’ve!” Tensei yelled, dodging his twin’s fast fists “then I’d never be compared to you!”

“Me?! You’re the perfect twin!”

“Bitch, you have the powers!” Tensei landed a punch on Hanaka’s stomach “Everyone wanted to you to be strong and carry on the family legacy from the moment you popped out. Everyone thought I was fuckin quirkless until 3rd grade!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” screamed Hanaka as she shoved her twin to knock him on the ground “Everyone tells me why am I not as smart as you all the time! Since you won those little, stupid academic awards, where are my titles and awards?!” She swings a kick to Tensei’s side but he teleports to the other side of the circle “I’m just the dumb and angry one, so just let me HAVE THIS!”

She lunges a fiery punch toward Tensei but the power in that punch, with the solid block from Tensei, sent the twins out of bounds.

“No winners that round” sensei clicks his pen to scribble on his sheet “I have lots of technique critique and spar etiquette comments, but I’ll have you read them later.”

Hanaka wasn’t listening, she was absolutely crushed by the fact that her winning streak was gone. Just like that, all because of her twin. Feeling tears welling in her eyes, she ran out of the gym.

“Hanaka! Come back!” her friends cried out and chased after her, even though they have no hope in catching up to her.

“Aren’t you gonna-” started Tetsu

“No” Tensei interrupted “I don’t know what’s her deal, she’s been on my nerves at home about studying. And when I offer my help, she gets all defensive and shouty that she can do it herself.” He starts skimming through his critique paper “I blame my dad for focusing on quirk training with her instead of the other shit.”

The journey home was quiet as Hanaka fumed in the backseat of their dad’s car. When they got home, the twins went straight to their rooms with slammed doors. Without the older siblings at home, there's no mediator and dad is left with all the high emotions.

“Tensei? Can I talk to you?” asked their dad, knocking carefully.

“No, I’m busy” Tensei responded, totally lying but he really didn’t want to talk to his dad “Hanaka is the one with the problem, go talk to her!”

Their father sighed “I know your sister is the one that is angry. I just want to know what happened.”

Tensei sighed and unlocked the door. He gestured toward his desk with an arm chop “Come in, sit down please.”

He sits down and waits for Tensei to sit down “Alright, what happened?”

Tensei sighed with a slight groan “Did you know that your daughter is failing in her common core classes?”

“Even English?”

“Dad don’t be dumb! We tested out of that” sneered Tensei “But we got a report card today and I got praised for having the best grades in class and I guess that made Hanaka mad.” Tensei crossed his arms “Like? Who cares?! It’s not like I’m also good at fighting or rescue like she is! I get my ass kicked every class training, except when I went against Kyanka but that’s because I dodged at the right time for an out of bounds win.”

“Oh she’s upset over grades” their father connected the dots “and you’re upset that she’s excelling where you’re faltering.”

“Hey! I’m doing okay!”

“Show me your report card then” challenged their father.

Tensei handed over his report card, not making eye contact.

“Ah, so your ass is getting kicked in those parts” their father said after skimming the card “Well Tensei, I’m going to do what I did with Lili and Iwata.”

“Huh? What did you do?” Tensei was confused, he didn’t see the connection between their older siblings and him.

Their father stood up “I’m going to train you until these grades get raised” he handed back the card “You might not know but I made my way up the ranks with my ability to rescue and close combat. Just because you don’t have the family namesake quirk, doesn’t mean you can’t do what I can do. I see a great rescue hero in you.”

“How?”

“You punched that boy off your sister, even if it costed you the debate” he listed off “You pulled your sister and her friends to safety during the entrance exam, despite not being skilled enough in your quirks. And for someone that says they aren’t strong or fast enough; you always manage to push your unsuspecting sibling out of the way to an oncoming dog pile.”

Tensei didn’t have a comeback, he recalled everything his dad listed and meditated on it. It’s true that he can sort of sense danger at the most critical moment, but all those times were because it’s his family or people he cares about. He certainly cares about his family; can he really do the same for someone in need? And will Hanaka ever make amends with Tensei now that there’s a clear divide in what type of hero student they are?

-Chapter 7 end-

#mha #bnha #self insert au #not canon #Book 4 Chapter 7 #updates whenever I have time lmao #ask me anything #//Palma-sama Speaks #I live! but at what cost?!#life update: I graduated college with three degrees and quit my retail job so I can work in my tutoring job #I literally posted the previous chapter and then went sicko mode on my studies because I really wanted to finish college on time #On the brighter side of things! I now have the free time that I wanted to finish this AU!#Here's that self discovery arc part of the series. I'm very excited to post the next few chapters bc of the new characters #Hanaka has that 'queen of spars' mentality that their mother had but doesn't fully understand that it's bigger than she thinks it is #Tensei just doesn't know how to fight and it shows. Big lawyer energy #fair warning that I'm going to be time skipping a lot in this book bc the lessons learned are more important than the time of year #Thank you to all my readers! I know some of yall are bingeing after the new canon manga chapters and want to see their fave happy #Expect the next one in like? two weeks? Basically in the same month bc that's how much free time I have

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annie-sae · 3 years

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Wouldn’t mind

Pairing: Kazutora x fem!reader, past Baji x fem!reader

Hurt/comfort

Author note: This is my way of dealing with Baji’s death finally being animated, this is me comforting myself so I don’t keep crying.

Also, I posted this on AO3 as well:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33561445

Part of the reason you decided to get close to him was kind of the same reason why you decided to help out Chifuyu and the remaining founding Toman members in any way you could; even if that meant putting yourself in various fights. It was a way to honor his memory.

You met Baji Keisuke; your Kei; as nothing more than a child because you were neighbors and your mom happened to be friends with his mother which ended in them arranging lots of playdates for you both ever since you could remember.

Your mothers always said you were meant to be and they were right, so yeah, they were delighted once you two finally stopped denying yourselves and started to date.

You two got together after one time in which Baji got into a particularly bad fight and you found him on your way home; his hands all bruised but despite how much they must have been hurting he was smiling in that unique way of his that always told you that no matter the pain he won and enjoyed himself.

To be honest you didn’t like that he always got into fights nor how reckless he could be but you had to admit that there was always something about the way his eyes glinted that drew you in.

You dragged him inside your home, knowing that his mother would flip out if she saw him and taking advantage of the fact that your mother was to get home late, you pushed him to the couch, went to the kitchen for a bag of frozen vegetables, grabbed his hand after cleaning the blood off and held the bag to his knuckles hoping that it would bring down the swelling.

There was no way of knowing who made the first move but next thing you knew after that was that you two were kissing; the frozen bag laying on the floor long forgotten. After that you finally acknowledged your feelings and started dating. There was no grand gesture, it was just one of many moments that you shared daily yet it was perfect.

Baji liked to keep you away from Toman businesses so for the most part you didn’t actually know the rest of the members except for Chifuyu; whom you met on various occasions while going to visit your boyfriend; and Mikey that you met as a child since you were always following around Baji and in a way became your friend too; but that was it. He kept that apart from the side of his life that involved you because he was well aware of how messy it could get and he didn’t want to drag you into any trouble.

Yet his gang life caught up to him, crashing into your world and pushing you into a lonely abyss that still to this day left a hole in your chest.

You’d always remember that dreaded day when your mother came home later than usual without letting you know anything, eyes teary and red rimmed. The moment she looked at you, she pulled you into a strong hug and sobbed as she caressed your hair murmuring a string of words you couldn’t really make out.

She was the one to deliver the news of his passing, how she was late because she was at the Baji household and had to accompany his mother to claim her son’s body after the woman received a call from the police station telling her that the boy had been stabbed and bled to death.

The day would never come when you’d forget the pain that shot through your body as you learned that he was gone. It hurt unlike anything else you have ever experienced, as if someone was crushing your chest like it was made out of paper, air knocked out of your lungs and the only thing you could do was scream helplessly his name as you held for dear life onto your mother’s frame. You felt bile rise up your throat so fast that it was a miracle that you didn’t throw up.

His funeral wasn’t any easier. Not when you arrived and his mom pulled you to his casket saying just how handsome he looked, inviting you to see him in a way that you couldn’t refuse.

Around an hour after yourself, arrived Chifuyu who went to you after giving his condolences to his best friend’s mother that held him the way she used to hold her boy but now she’d never get the chance to do anymore.

If you were being completely honest, you couldn’t remember much more of that day, your mind was hazy, too many gaps in the memory of all that transpired.

Only two things were clear as day in your mind. First was the way that Kei had looked inside that coffin smiling peacefully and for a moment you almost fooled yourself into thinking that he was just sleeping, but he was pale, his canines weren’t showing and his eyes were slightly sunken but you had to agree with his mom because he looked handsome indeed. The second was that Chifuyu stayed by your side throughout the whole thing, in fact he was the one who told you what actually happened and you were thankful for it all.

He told you what Baji did and why he did it and you believed it the second the words left his mouth because you knew him well and if there was anything that defined your beloved boyfriend was his heart, how willing he was to give anything for those that he cared about; his unwavering loyalty; you just wished he hadn’t put himself on the line for that.

Twelve years have passed and a lot of things changed since his parting, for starters you became a member of Toman.

One night; around a month after everything happened; you went to the Musashi temple fully aware that it was the place that the boys used as their base and in front of everyone gathered there; bracing yourself; you walked towards Mikey, bowed deeply and begged for him to accept you as a member.

At first most of the guys there laughed at you while others frowned and called you names shooing you away but you stayed still, that was until a big hand grabbed you by the arm and that was when you pulled away from it and punched the guy square in the nose remembering the time Baji taught you how to pack a punch. The guy tried to send a blow towards you but was stopped by Chifuyu yet the whole commotion came to a halt with Mikey’s commanding voice.

“Y/N, you know this is a guys-only gang”

“I’m aware, Mikey, but” you clenched your fists “but Keisuke cared about this gang so I feel like I must join, to protect everything he fought for” you raised your head “he also taught me how to fight so you don’t have to worry about me being a burden on you and I know a few things about first aid, I can carry my own weight” you were thankful for your mother being a nurse and having taught you a bit.

He stared at you, his eyes giving away nothing.

“The first division can take her in” Chifuyu supplied.

Mikey raised a brow and looked at another blonde guy.

“Takemitchy, you are the first division’s captain, do you agree to take her?” the guy straightened up and after sharing one look with Chifuyu he nodded.

An uproar started as a lot of guys started to complain about how bad of an idea it was to admit a girl in the gang but Draken stopped them with one word.

Mikey looked at you once more, then he sighed and nodded.

“Then welcome, Y/N L/N, from now on you are a member of the Tokyo Manji Gang under the first division”.

Later that day you gave your thanks to Chifuyu and Takemichi, for getting behind you and promised to help them in any way possible but Chifuyu made you promise to be safe and only join them as a last resource because he couldn’t allow Baji’s girlfriend to get hurt since he promised him he’d take care of you.

You knew that your parents wouldn’t be happy with you being a part of a gang but you had to do it, it was a way to stay close to Kei and you needed that or else you would have gone crazy, you were also thankful because life had it that you were assigned to the division that used to be his.

Shit happened but you always took things head on and you had to admit that Chifuyu and Takemichi played a crucial part in you surviving all the crappy things that happened until the gang disbanded. While still a member you were extremely grateful for makeup since it helped you hide from your parents a good amount of nasty bruises that came from the fights.

The second thing that changed was that you moved out of your parents’ house from the moment you started college and although at first it was hard and you were living in a tiny apartment that resembled more to a matchbox yet it was the only thing you could afford at the moment with the part time job you had but you were decided to not return home, not because you weren’t comfortable with them but because they were already doing too much for you by paying for your studies so you didn’t want them to be spending any more money on you.

You managed and after a while you got a better job that meant a higher pay grade and you moved out of your tiny place to your current one that was bigger and just a couple of minutes away from the cemetery where the Baji family grave was.

Even when you had exams due the next day, even when you were way too busy, you still made it a habit to go visit him daily, it didn’t matter if you had to walk for long or that you were so tired you could have fallen asleep while standing, you still went to see him.

Your mother told you once that maybe you should let go, that he wouldn’t like to have you clinging to him this much and to appease her you went to a couple of dates once every three months but you never made it past the first date but funnily enough that landed you a few long lasting friendships with some of the guys you tried to date.

One time his mom talked to you and told you just how grateful she was with you for loving her son the way you did but that you didn’t owe him anything, that you could move on because she was sure that was what he would have wanted and maybe she was right; to hell you knew that she was; but it wasn’t a matter of you feeling like you owed devotion to him but more like no one ever compared to him, not a single person awoke in you the same feelings he did, not with the same intensity it was kind of like a beautiful curse because you grieved daily his absence but you wouldn’t want it other way, even if you went back and told yourself that by loving him you’d end up in pain, you’d still go through it all because the time spent with him was worth it and you told her that so she smiled and even talked with your mother making her stop begging you to date and leave you to your own devices.

Another thing that changed was you because you cut your hair really short; yet without needing it you still wore a hair tie on your wrist daily as if it was some sort of amulet because it reminded you of him.

Also, with the bigger place you adopted three beautiful cats that you loved dearly, first there was Blue; whose black hair shone blue under certain light hence his name; then there was Leo; an orange tabby cat you found one day and adopted instantly; and Jin; a maine coon that was your appointed guardian and didn’t like anyone around you nor him.

The three always slept with you; which made you thankful for getting a big bed when you first moved; and in a way they made your life less lonely because in their presence you felt as if Keisuke was right there with you which made sense because you two had made plans about living together once highschool was over and then adopt a ton of cats, all the cats your parents never allowed in the house when you were younger.

Of course things don’t always end up the way we plan them, you knew that better than most although to be completely honest you never expected Kazutora to come into the picture.

You new who he was, on one occasion Kei told you that him speaking on his behalf and taking the full blame for what happened with Mikey’s older brother was a big factor on him staying out of juvie so in a way you were thankful to him but you also knew; through Chifuyu’s retelling; what happened on that horrible halloween when you lost your whole world.

Even when you knew that everything had been planned out by Kisaki, for the longest time you were resentful towards Kazutora, even going as far as to curse his sole existence because hadn’t it been for him then your Keisuke would surely still be with you. It took you years for you to come to terms with everything and accept that Baji chose to leave all because he cared about that boy way too much.

You came to realize that by hating Kazutora, by wishing him the worst and spending so much energy in resenting him you were betraying Kei’s wishes.

His final will was to keep Toman’s funding members; Kazutora included; safe, he chose death, going down as a villain to his friends, all just to protect them, to save him so the least you could do was carry on his wishes and look after them, not only after Chifuyu and the others but you also felt the moral obligation towards Keisuke, to welcome Kazutora and help him back into his life.

Now, you went to help around Chifuyu and Kazutora’s shop, fully aware that it was their way of honoring his memory, by living out the dream he never had the chance for.

You could understand them because everyday you did the same, hell, you even went to study veterinary because that had been the plan all those years back; he was supposed to open his pet shop and you were supposed to be the one to tend to the animals, he always said that you had the best shot because you usually did rather good at school.

You met Kazutora the day after Chifuyu picked him up from prison. You already knew that he would be joining you two for lunch the following day because he told you in advance in case you weren’t ready to meet the man that had played a big part in your old boyfriend’s death.

Chifuyu by that point had become your best friend in the world, your constant support. What started as a way to cope with Baji’s loss, as both of you searching in the other for any vestiges of his existence with the passing of the years turned into something more, a fraternal bond forged through shared grief.

Chifuyu was like a brother to you and you knew that he saw you as a sister, you cared about him deeply.

If you were being completely honest, you were a bit torn when a month prior to the release, he announced to you that he’d be picking up the guy and was planning on welcoming him as a roommate and as an extra hand at the shop; that is if the other accepted. I mean, you’d have to be crazy to just accept it as it was, no questions asked because whether manipulated and messed up in the head, it didn’t change the fact that he was the one to stab him.

Of course you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to reach that, it was obvious that he had thought it through, you could see in his eyes just how much went into making that decision but that he was sure that that was Baji would have liked and you knew that as well because that was the type of person Keisuke used to be, a bit rough on the edges but so caring and willing to give for those he loved, and he sure as hell had proven how much he cared about the guy.

You had never talked to him, what little you knew about him was what Baji had mentioned all those years back when he almost went to prison and what Chifuyu told you, how he was getting the help he needed and seemed to be making progress but that was it.

To say it was awkward at first was a big understatement. He was extremely quiet and even after you greeted him he refused to make eye contact while you kept fidgeting in place trying to come up with something to say. Thank god for Chifuyu since he was the one to introduce you although he could have been a bit more careful when he introduced you as Baji’s old girlfriend, although you couldn’t blame him because there was no way around it, that was what you were.

The moment he understood who you were he froze, eyes focusing on his hands under the table. You noticed how uneasy he became and with a look you asked Chifuyu to give you a minute, thankfully he understood and trusting you excused himself from the table.

You reached out, stilling your hand in the middle of the space between you when you saw him flinch, something that reminded you of the time when you encountered Leo for the first time; hurt and scared. Kazutora in a way resembled him, something lonely and broken about him that gave you the final push to get close.

Just like you did way back for Leo you extended your open hand towards him, facing upwards to show him that you had no ill intentions and you rested your hand on the table just a few centimeters away from his arm, not wanting to startle him but wanting to show him that you were trying to get close.

“I don’t hate you, Hanemiya-kun”

His gaze zeroed on your hand and then eyes of the color of the lightest brown you’ve ever seen; almost the same shade as amber; met yours wary and trembling but you simply nodded confirming that you were being completely honest.

“Why?” his voice came out broken.

“Because Keisuke cared about you” you smiled, feeling your eyes get watery and Kazutora’s face became blurry due to the tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I- I wish I could take it all back, I really do, I...” you heard the words come out cracked and you shook your head and reached for his arm.

“I know...it’s fine. Like I said, I don’t hate you, it’s been a while since that happened and I’ve made up my mind, I’ve already accepted it as part of life” that’s a lie and you know, you miss him every day so much that you still cling to the little things he left behind, that’s the reason why you haven’t been in a relationship after him.

You quickly wiped the tears out of your eyes and looked at him once more. “I’d like to be there for you, maybe be friends even, that is if you’d like that”

Kazutora’s mind was running laps. Was he hearing you correctly? Did you actually say that you wanted to be friends with him? Be friends with the guy that killed your boyfriend nonetheless. He couldn’t wrap his head around that thought, it was simply impossible, he was a villain, a rotten fruit that nobody had ever liked and that poisoned the only good things he had in his life, why would anyone want to be near him?

First there was Chifuyu; who for all he could gather used to consider Baji as his best friend; welcoming him into his apartment, offering him a place to stay and even a job no questions asked, that was already hard to understand, but now having you willing to welcome him? That was almost ridiculous because you surely knew, he saw the way you interacted with Chifuyu, there was no way in hell he didn’t tell you, so why?

Why were you being kind to him? So gentle? Why couldn’t you just scream and curse him? Heaven knows for how long he has been cursing himself, regretting everything he did, from Shinichiro to Baji. He deserved to be yelled at, to be shunned away from society, he was deserving of pain and should be tossed to the abyss of loneliness, forever in the dark, far away from the sun.

He couldn’t fathom why on God's name was Baji’s girlfriend in front of him extending her delicate hand towards him. But even when he couldn’t understand he wanted to accept it. He knew he deserved nothing given how he had taken two lives but he wanted the embrace so badly.

He wanted company, friends, he didn’t want to be forever an outcast due to his bad decisions but instead he wanted to belong, to feel some sort of comfort, he wanted to bask in the sun’s warmth and for once in a very long time feel a bit of peace, he wanted saving, someone to tell him he was worthy even when he knew he wasn’t.

He looked at you once more, and something felt warm inside his chest; even his throat tightening; when he saw that you were still smiling gently at him despite the rebel tears that had escaped from your eyes.

“I’d like that” he smiled wobbly. “Also, Kazutora is fine”

“Then let’s be friends, Kazutora-kun” your smile grew broader and that was the start.

Surprisingly after that, it didn’t take long for you to grow comfortable with each other. He was quiet and would often be found spacing off but he was considerate towards you, actually he returned the same kindness you gave him, although it was evident that he was still wary and a bit rough on the edges he tried hard and you could see, so whenever he was having a bad mood you tried not to take it personally.

Through gentle words and patience, you won him over, even those around you were surprised at how quickly he warmed up to you but there was just something in him that pulled you, maybe that same thing that pushed you to adopt Leo when you found him malnourished and hurt on your way home from the cemetery or maybe it was something else.

Just as he warmed up to you, you warmed up to him. It was easy to talk to him, he was always willing to lend you an attentive ear, listening to your ramblings about the monotonous things that happened at the clinic, it didn’t matter that he knew nothing about the people you mentioned, he always listened like it was the most important thing in the world.

At first your interactions were always in company of Chifuyu, mostly at the shop while you went to visit which actually ended in you helping around to organize the merchandise or on the usual checkups on the animals to ensure that they were in the utmost condition for the moment someone decided to welcome them into their home.

Then, Kazutora started to walk you to the station but slowly that turned into him accompanying you all the way home and since he was taking the time to go with you you started offering him a cup of tea at your house before he’d leave again to get back to his and Chifuyu’s place.

That wasn’t the end of it because one cup of tea turned into two, then three and finally what started as a thanks for the inconvenience turned into hours-long talks about the most menial things just because.

Your cats loved him; Blue was always rubbing himself against his legs while Leo wasted no time to go lay on his legs and with a meow demand to be petted at the moment; but the most amazing thing of all was that Jin didn’t hate him, in fact he got way too comfortable with him which was a thing that you’d never seen, the only other person besides yourself that he liked was Hina, hell, not even Chifuyu had been able to charm the bigger cat and now apparently he didn’t mind Kazutora trailing behind you when even up to that day whenever he was visiting Chifuyu would get a growl from Jin but not Kazutora.

He was nice to your babies, he liked them and you could see that he didn’t change his demeanour towards them even when he thought you weren’t looking, in fact his voice got softer when directed at them and you were also the kind of person that trusted animal’s perception so the fact that your beloved cats liked him really told you that he had changed from what little you knew about his ways before being sent to prison after Baji’s death.

Kazutora started noticing the little things about you, for starters the way you’d always be singing a random thing off tune but with such energy that it was amusing but when asked he’d swear on his life that he wasn’t bothered that he actually liked it even though you knew very well that you weren’t a good singer but the opposite yet there was something powerful about having him joining in the middle of your singing, even when he didn’t know the lyrics he’d be humming along.

You were a sight to behold for him because in all the mess of his life he had never encountered someone as lively as yourself. Even after losing Baji you tried your best, you were determined and hardworking and so kind, not only to him but to every living thing no matter if they were animals, people or even plants, you amazed him because you were always so willing to be gentle to anyone.

You were a soothing presence.

That was not to say you didn’t have your bad days, after all you were only human and it was simply impossible to be at one hundred percent everyday the whole day, but you pushed through and you were always quick to ask for forgiveness if you had an outburst towards someone, you were the kind to not withhold apologies even when you weren’t at fault. He could remember a handful of times in which you apologized when he was the one to step on your toes.

You, of all people apologized to him, a social reject, a vermin, you apologized to him as if he was worthy, as if that was the logical thing to do but he knew that no matter what you did he knew that he was the one that still owed you a lifetime of apologies.

He wasn’t an idiot, he knew how much Baji meant to you even to that day, he noticed the little pieces of him lingering in your everyday, like how you always wore a hair tie around your wrist even when your hair was way too short for you to ever need it and whenever you had to get your bangs out of your face you used hair clips, never the tie on your wrist, the way you always cracked your knuckles as if getting ready for a fight even if you were only checking the animals and the way you carried yourself in a way resembled the way Baji used to.

He never told you but a few times he found you at the cemetery by coincidence while visiting Baji and there was something heartbreaking about seeing you kneeling on the ground with trembling shoulders despite it being a hot day. He regretted what he did, not only because he felt guilty or ‘cause he missed his friend but also for your sake because he wanted to see your happy smile, he never wanted to hear your cries ever again.

Just like him, you started seeking his company more and more, not only were you inviting him to stay and talk after walking you home but you made plans with him and just him, to go window shopping, for a cup of coffee, lunch dates, movie premieres; because you liked going to the movies so much and discovered that he was an enthusiast as much as you; movies on the couch, even just lazy sundays at your house playing the entire day with your cats.

Of course reaching this state was quick yet slow, it was hard to explain, like you were close to him and enjoyed his company, but it was different than it was with Hina or even Chifuyu yet you wouldn’t call it romantic, not at first.

Sure, there was something to Kazutora, you weren’t blind so you could see clear as day that he was rather handsome, probably one of the prettiest guys you’d ever met but there was something more, something that pulled you, something broken and lonely that tugged at your heart and told you to care for him.

At such a young age he had been to prison on two occasions and you could actually see that that was simply the tip of the iceberg. He had to mature too soon, he mentioned vaguely that his relation with his parents wasn’t the best and his eyes at times looked older than he actually was, plus it took a long time for him to get used to your affectionate ways because your love-language was physical touch. You had a special fascination with hair and all of your friends were used to that but Kazutora was like a kicked puppy that was only learning to trust in people once more.

You were a new breeze of air into his life, with your caring ways and funny nature he fell. For the first time in his life he had someone like you, at first it was difficult for him to realize that the fuzzy feeling inside his gut whenever he looked at you or even heard your voice meant what people called love but it was a given because he had never felt that way before.

For the longest time he felt like love was a lie, he remembered how bad his home life was, how strained and full of pain the things between his parents were, even now from time to time he had nightmares of his mother crying as his father hit her and then her begging him; only a child; to pick sides.

He wanted to hold you close, to keep you away from harm and to listen to your laugh for days on end, for once his heartbeat quickened for someone, he found a safe place in your presence, you were an oasis after years roaming the desert. You were such an unusual kind of certainty in his life that he never had but that he had searched for so long.

While Kazutora realized rather quickly; in comparison to you; that you had wormed your way into his heart making a home for you it took you around three years and others pointing it out for you to actually realize that he meant to you more than a friend.

The first one was your mother although not as subtly but rather by saying that she was happy that you were now with Kazutora which took you by surprise because you weren’t.

That wasn’t the end of it, but only the beginning.

The next one was Hina one day you were sleeping over at her house, but the cherry on top was Chifuyu.

“Hey, I know it’s not really my business, but when are you going to get together?” he asked one time when you went out for coffee.

“What?” you asked mindlessly, stirring some sugar into your beverage.

“Yeah, you’re kind of driving me crazy, it’s kind of annoying feeling like a third-wheel without actually being one, just get it over with” he spoke before taking a sip from his own cup.

“What?” you snapped your head back to him.

“Is that the only thing you’re gonna say?” he looked at you through half-lidded eyes.

“Yes, because I honestly don’t understand a single thing of what you’re saying” you shook your head and took a sip from your coffee.

“What I’m saying is that it’s obvious that you like Kazutora” he said matter-of-factly.

“Of course I like him, he’s my friend, I like you too”.

“No, you don’t, you like me as your friend but you like Kazutora in a different way, a lovey-dovey way” he deadpanned.

“No, Kei-” you began just like you did whenever your mother used to bring up your love life or thereof lack of it.

“Baji-san has been gone for years already” he cut you, wincing as he said that and to you his words felt like a slap across your face.

“Look, I know, trust me, I do, but it’s been long enough and if there is someone that makes you feel good you should go for it, he wouldn’t want you being unhappy for him” he sighed and with a hand pushed his hair back.

“He asked me to take care of you because he wanted you to be alright, he wanted you to be happy and he’d probably punch me if I simply stood by and watched you being miserable” he pushed his cup to the side, leaned over the table to grab you by the shoulders and looked into your eyes seriously.

“I know you like him, don’t be an idiot, it’s painfully obvious with how you look at him and spend almost all of your free time with him, Baji-san won’t be mad at you for finding someone new and I believe that he’d be happy that it is Kazutora of all people”.

Before you could respond to that, the sound of a new message cut you off and when you looked sideways to your phone on the table, a soft smile graced your lips when Kazutora’s name appeared on the screen. Without thinking you opened it and it was some random video of a kitten; somewhere along the way it became a thing between you and it reminded you of how Keisuke used to send you daily pictures of the cats that went to his house.

“It’s Kazutora, right?” Your face grew hot once you came back to reality, remembering suddenly with whom you were and what you were talking about.

“I’ll let you be, but don’t be an idiot and let yourself be happy” and just like that Chifuyu ended that conversation and quickly changed topics.

You knew you liked him, you felt warm whenever he was around you, his voice soothed you even on the worst of days and you looked forward to his messages. You had learned to find comfort in his eyes but they were a wrong shade; not brown enough.

He wasn’t Keisuke. He’d never be.

A few days later you found yourself in the shop, helping around but constantly sending glances in his direction, his back facing towards you, looking painfully similar to Kei’s even down to the hair length, although the color wasn’t the right match with it’s blonde streaks you could still fool yourself into thinking it was him.

But then he’d turn to look at you and send a smile your way and there would be a beauty mark under golden eyes and a tiger tattoo where it shouldn’t have been and that smile was lacking a pair of prominent incisives peeking through.

You knew it was wrong to look at him searching for Keisuke, searching for your lost love in another, clinging to the remnants of his passing through the world but you missed him so much.

At times you felt like you couldn’t even breathe, you had even fallen asleep in front of his family grave after a long day if you went to visit at dawn after not being able to make it at morning but you had to visit him daily in order to feel in his company because if you ever thought of skipping a lump appeared in your chest crushing your heart.

Yet, even then, even when you realized it wasn’t Baji your heart would skip a bit and your stomach would twist.

Later that night you found yourself walking home with Kazutora by your side in complete but comfortable silence, feeling the warmth oozing from his arm that was left hanging at his side lightly brushing against yours, rising even the tiniest hair of your arm.

Kazutora had been going at it over and over for months. At first, when he realized what he felt for you he decided to bury it deep and forever carry it in silence but as time went on he craved your presence.

He started wishing for more, more smiles, those smiles to be only for him, he even found himself looking forward to getting hurt while playing with your cats because it meant that you would be cleaning up his hands and putting on a band-aid with the utmost care and attention even if they were the most insignificant scratches ever.

He liked having your attention, he liked that you replied to any message from him almost immediately; unless you were attending to a patient then you’d reply as soon as possible; he also liked how your eyes would get bigger whenever something amazed you or if you found something even remotely cute.

Your constant ramblings plagued his mind at every hour no matter if he was asleep. Hell, he even went to Baji’s grave to ask for permission to love you, even if he did so in silence he felt like he owed that much to his old friend because you were his girl after all.

Why did it have to be you? Why Baji’s? Why did you have to come into his life and be like the sun? You were too much for him, too perfect, too good while he was nothing but a mess, too fucked up, too far away from repair. For fuck’s sake, he was the one that took your boyfriend away, he would have been better off handling your hate but instead you were there giving him so much it almost pained him, only adding up to his guilt.

This had to be some sick game of the universe. God must have been having the time of his life laughing at how the killer fell in love with the victim’s old love.

Before any of you knew, you had already gotten home and like it became custom you invited him inside for a cup of tea.

As soon as you opened the door, your three babies rushed to the entryway to greet you, Jin being the very first, you hadn’t taken two steps inside when he was already brushing himself against your legs. The other two weren’t too far but to your disappointment Leo approached Kazutora before even looking at you.

“I’ll stop bringing you here, you’re stealing them away from me” you pouted while kneeling down to hug Jin who looked at Kazutora with no distaste, then you picked up Blue and let him nuzzle your neck, after that still holding him you went to rub Leo with your free hand once he finally took notice of you and remembered who bought him food and toys.

Kazutora’s hearty laugh filled your ears pulling your mouth from the pout into a smile.

“Leo knows who’s the cool one” he winked your way. “I’m kidding, he likes you more” he looked down at said cat “right pal? Isn’t your mom the absolute best?”

“Oh, shut up, flattery won’t take you anywhere” You felt blood rushing to your face so you stood up hiding your reddening face into Blue’s fur.

You hurried to the kitchen and then, out of his sight was when you put Blue down and started to boil some water, hearing over it as the door closed and seconds later Kazutora appeared with the other two trailing behind.

You ended up splayed on the bigger couch in your living room, your back leaning against his side while Jin laid on top of your legs while in Kazutora’s rested the other two cats. At that moment you were with your eyes closed, mindlessly caressing Jin while you listened to Kazutora talk to your cats in a baby voice that you wouldn’t have expected from him the first time you met.

For him it wasn’t easy to keep his cool, he had to school his face even if you weren’t looking at him and oh, his heart was so loud it was about to jump out of his chest and he wouldn’t mind but he didn’t want you to listen.

I’m sorry Baji.

A meow of protest fell on deaf ears since he had stopped caressing Leo and Blue, instead turning his full attention towards you.

You turned your head and suddenly you found yourself way too close to his face; so much you could’ve counted every single of his lashes; staring up at a pair of golden eyes that were looking at you and only you as if you had been the one to hang up the stars in the sky.

His features were delicate, so beautiful it was heartstopping, he looked almost otherworldly; and not only because the ghost of Baji’s face lingered in his in a particular way; but there was a certain glimmer in his eyes that you had been noticing from a few days leading to that one, only that then it shined brighter than ever.

Unbeknownst to you, your eyes were reflecting Kazutora’s shine and your heart was beating to the same tempo as his starting up a melody of their own with your breathing getting caught up in your lungs making up the rhythm accompanying your song.

You were being drawn into each other like opposite poles of a magnet, barely any resistance was there and soon enough you met in the middle. At first it was the softest brush; like when you first dip your toe before jumping into the water; but it started a whole revolution inside both.

The brush became a second and then your lips were pressing against each other, basking in the warmth that radiated off that single contact that sparked a bunch of reactions at the same time. Your heart went off, your lungs closed; forgetting for that moment that they needed air and not that man to keep kissing you; and for the briefest moment your mind stopped thinking about Baji.

Kazutora was ready to die, if he was sent to hell at that very moment he’d be glad because at least he got a taste of heaven and it was more than enough. He decided then and there that he was bound to be cursed because how did a monster like him manage to get a kiss from an angel such as yourself? It must have been a sin for something so tainted to even look your way.

He didn’t know when your hand placed itself on the side of his neck but he knew that he was yours, if there was any doubt of that up until that point, it vanished with the way you were gently caressing his tattoo as if you were tracing it by memory, as if you had paid close attention to him, as if he mattered, as if he was something more than a broken thing.

Something inside you moved when a whimper escaped his lips the first time you pulled away for a mere second in order to get air before going in once more, this time ready to open your mouth and let him take while you explored. It felt nice, new; which was to be expected since the last time you had kissed someone this way had been with Baji.

Keisuke.

You opened your eyes and suddenly pulled away, almost as if his touch burned you; and in a way it could be said to be true; and your violent movement startled the three cats that you had ignored moments before, making them leave for your room.

The image of your beloved; death; boyfriend took Kazutora’s place, brown replaced gold and the beauty mark vanished, the yellow strands that framed his face turned jet black and the smile you’d been missing like crazy; that particularly his that showed his teeth was there.

You blinked a few times and his image left, allowing you to see Kazutora for who he was and not the ghost of him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came to me” he looked at you with tears gathering in his eyes almost pleading and you realized how it must have looked to him.

“No, Tora, I-”

I’m an idiot, I blew this up. Again I’ve just gone and ruined what good I had.

“I’m going now” he stood up and left for the door, leaving you alone and cold on the couch.

I’m sorry Keisuke.

You stood up and went after, finding him in the doorway hastily putting on his shoes but you grasped his arm to stop him.

“I will leave right now, it’ll be like nothing happened” you caught a glimpse of a tear trailing down his cheek and that sight prompted you to speak.

“No” your other hand reached for the fabric of his shirt, securing him.

“Y/N”

“I don’t want you to leave, I-” the words choked you, there was too much you had to say and your mouth wasn’t responding as fast as you would’ve liked.

“Don’t ask me to stay because if you do it’ll only hurt more when you tell me it was a mistake”

“But it wasn’t a mistake, I want you, okay? Kazutora, I like you” you at least managed to say the one thing that was clear in your mind, that had been clear for a long time but only got accepted after that one conversation with Chifuyu.

That certainly stopped him, for he turned around to fully face you and you saw his eyes filled to the brim in tears that he refused to let run freely.

You reached for his face as slowly as the first time you two met, giving him enough space to retreat, but how could he when the thing he wanted most was to be with you and bask in the calm that your presence brought into his messy life? When he didn’t give any signs of pulling away you smiled and cupped his cheeks as if you were holding a piece of glass; and in a way Kazutora was just as fragile as that material when it came to you.

He leaned into your touch, and you were bold enough to pull him in and rest your foreheads together, looking with all seriousness into his eyes, having deja vu of the first day.

“Why? Why? I- what I did to Baji, you know what I’ve done, I don’t”

“I really can’t say, I just do, it’s, it’s hard, okay?” you closed your eyes for a brief second before continuing.

“I swore that there wouldn’t be anyone else and now, now you are here and I like being with you but I know that is way different from how it is with anyone else, it’s something more, something I never thought I’d be able to feel again”

He smiled through his tears because after all he’s done, every mistake in his life said that he didn’t deserve you and yet there you were.

“But I also have to be honest with you” he braced himself for what would be your next words.

“I still love Keisuke, I will probably still be loving him even fifty years from now and that is something that will never change, he was my first friend, first time holding hands, my first love, first kiss, many firsts, he took most of them” you gave out a wobbly smile.

“He’s forever imprinted in my skin and I’ll always be his” he lowered his gaze at that. “But if you can accept that I’m willing to try this, I never dated; not really, not an actual relationship; after him but I wouldn’t mind it being you, I think we deserve a chance”.

His heart was thumping inside his chest making it harder to process everything so you waited while his mind raced. Kazutora looked into your eyes and knew he had to take the chance because you were what he needed and even if he was undeserving you thought him worthy.

A selfish part of him, the bad side said that he should be glad because if Baji was there he knew you would have chosen him, a thousand times you’d have chosen Baji over Kazutora and that pained him but what pained him the most was the fact that a tiny part of him was happy because now he had the chance to be with you.

He was taking the life Baji should’ve had, but he’d take good care of you.

He could live being second best if that meant he got to have you.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo manji gang #tokyo revengers fanfiction #kazutora x reader #kazutora hanemiya #kazutora x you #kazutora x y/n #baji x reader #baji keisuke #fem reader #x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #TR

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kpostedsum · 3 years

Text

daddy issues; D.M

summary: you and draco bond over issues in 6th year

word count: 2.4k

warnings: err angst, comfort, illusions to sex

song: daddy issues (the remix) - the neighbourhood

a/n: i tried not to make it stereotypical bc i didn’t wanna make it seem all “i like older men lol”, probably my fav fic i’ve written, also arent these anime gifs so cute

masterlist | taglist

Take you like a drug

I taste you on my tongue

Tongues battling for dominance, bodies rubbing against each other searching for a feeling. It’s become routine now, a different person in your dorm swallowing a new pill, entangling limbs with someone just to feel something.

You ask me what I'm thinking about

I tell you that I'm thinking about

Whatever you're thinking about

Tell me something that I'll forget

And you might have to tell me again

It's crazy what you'll do for a friend

It was a constant cycle, putting yourself out there seeking the male attention you crave, seeking validation, constant reassurance and trusting too easily. That’s how you ended up with a different guy who always in the end leaves. You trusted too easily and people took advantage of how trusting and naive you are just for a quick shag.

You wished it wasn’t like this but that’s all you knew, wanting to be the best version of yourself for someone just to feel needed, no matter if the person was good or bad for you. You didn’t care, you wanted love from anyone you could get it from even if it just hurt you more.

You’re familiar with the absence, something stable made you feel a bit wary. It wasn’t something you were used to. Your father wasn’t the most present in your life, and even though he's there, he's never really there.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

You always wondered where you went wrong, he preferred your siblings over you and doesn't pay you a piece of his mind. Constantly going out of your way to get his attention whether it was academically or acting a certain way just to get some sort of reaction. But he was too preoccupied with his other children, even if they were from your mom or his affairs.

That’s how you found yourself right now sitting in the astronomy tower past curfew watching the rain fall, trying to clear your head while humming softly to yourself to keep yourself distracted.

You hear distant chattering from below and quickly get up from where you were sitting and make your way to your dorm unnoticed by anyone.

Except one person, Draco Malfoy.

I tried to write your name in the rain

But the rain never came

So I made with the sun

The shade

Always comes at the worst time

He’s seen you before, you’re known around Hogwarts for how you put yourself out there and how ‘desperate’ you are for some affection. He almost feels bad for you, but he’s in no place to judge. With his dad in Azkaban Draco had so much more to worry about, like his task and how he can succeed. But there was something about you that intrigued him that he couldn't ignore.

He saw you again in transfiguration the next day and noticed a few hickeys littering your neck that you had tried to cover but it didn’t work. He wondered why you gave yourself up to so many people, but once again he was in no place to judge. He noticed the way your tongue would stick out when you focused extra hard, the way your hands would tighten around your quill when you got a question wrong and your face.

The same face that many boys including the older years would fawn over, the face that entranced and attracted many, the face of someone who would do anything for someone for some affection and the face of someone who seeked out all the wrong things.

You ask me what I'm thinking about

I tell you that I'm thinking about

Whatever you're thinking about

Tell me something that I'll forget

And you might have to tell me again

It's crazy what you'll do for a friend

You walk out of transfiguration on your way to the owlery to send a letter to your parents and feel eyes watching you everywhere. You like it, the attention, it’s something that you thrived in, but you couldn’t help but feel a new set of eyes on you.

Once you reached the owlery you realized you weren't the only one there, Draco Malfoy was also there sending a letter to who you assumed was his mother.

“y/n, right?” he asked, trying to spark a conversation.

“Yea, listen i’m sorry about what happened with your father i know you really looked up--”

“Dont worry about it, he wasn’t as good an influence as I made him out to be,” he sighed, looking away.

“My dad isn’t the best either if i’m being honest, i guess we’re in the same boat” you let out a light chuckle.

And that’s how you found yourself hanging out with draco malfoy bonding over your shared issues.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues

It’s been weeks since you two started hanging out since the interaction in the owlery and have been getting closer ever since. You both sat down together in the astronomy tower, backed against the wall as the cool wind blew against your faces. The aura between you two was calm, a comfortable silence.

“So tell me about your dad, how is it with him in Azkaban?” you asked, tilting your head towards him.

“Mother’s not taking it well” he frowned. “I can’t even say potter’s wrong for getting him locked up because he deserves it. All my life he praised the dark lord and taught me to be selfish and always defend my blood, but he was never there for me when I needed him. I would have done everything just to hear ‘i’m proud of you’ but it never came. It’s worse now because mother’s all alone. I wish I could have stayed with her” he sighed looking out the tower watching the stars twinkle.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been much quieter this year as well, you stopped making fun of people. It’s not that nice on the receiving end huh?” you said with a teasing look on your face.

He shook his head at you scooting closer to you, it’s like the demeanor between you two have changed over the past few weeks. You found yourself pining over him rather than being in someone's bed. But this is how the cycle always goes, you get attached and they leave, you couldn’t help but hope this wasn’t the situation this time.

“Tell me about your father”

Daddy stuck around but he wasn't present

Cheated on your mom but she never left him

First I didn't get it, now I understand

He broke her heart, left money in her hand

So everything got paid for

She made sure you and your brother had way more

Than she ever had growing up

And when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up

“ I don't know if i’d even call him my father at this point, he doesn't want me.” you sighed. “He's been cheating on my mum for years now and she still won't leave him because she thinks they can work it out. He’s had affairs with different pureblood women and has children with them. But what hurts the most is how he treats them as his own children and treats me as if I don't exist” you said, looking down as tears pooled your eyes.

Draco moved closer to you and brought his arm around your shoulders for a sense of comfort and waited for you to catch your breath so you can continue.

“I just want him to love me” you cried. “I go out my way to try and get his attention with my school work but it never works. That's why I get along with so many guys. I seek the validation, the comfort and the reassurance that I can get from him from others and I am so tired of it. I just want him to want me draco.” tears slipping out your eyes as you looked up at him, you’ve never confessed this to anyone before.

“Everyone always leaves, please don't leave me” you cried

“I’m not going anywhere” he turned his face towards you, leaning forward cautiously as if you were made of glass.

You leaned forward, wanting the exact same thing. Both very hesitant he gently pressed his soft lips against yours and they moved together in sequence, only taking a break to go back to his dorm and to breathe, limbs tangled together for the rest of the night until the sun rose.

I can see it on your face it was rough left a bad taste on your tongue

And she didn't even take any drug

She would rain all day

Couldn't wait for her son to shine

And you made it shine

There when she cried, you saved her life

It's been a week since that night in the astronomy tower and draco had already been avoiding you. It’s humiliating, but you should have known. You thought the ‘bond’ you had with him would last, it felt so genuine this time. So real.

You’d see him around the halls snogging pansy on your way back to the ravenclaw tower, lowering your head down so he wouldn’t be able to see you so you could get by quickly and unnoticed.

But he saw you.

He stared you right down in your teary eyes as he made out with pansy. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of betrayal, for someone who promised he wouldn’t leave you like everyone else, he did the exact same.

You did the only thing you knew of, you ran.

I keep on trying to let you go

I'm dying to let you know

How I'm getting on

I didn't cry when you left at first

But now that you're dead it hurts

This time I gotta know

Where did my daddy go?

I'm not entirely here

Half of me has disappeared

Draco followed you to the girls lavatory, hearing your shallow cries coming from one of the stalls. He approached the stall you were in trying not to make too much noise so he doesn't startle you.

He felt awful.

He promised he would never leave you, after you both poured your hearts out to each other but he still left. He had too, he was putting you in danger just by being with him. If Voldemort ever found out about you and hurt you he wouldn't be able to live with himself, that's why he took it upon himself to hurt you first.

“y/n are you in here?” he called out even though he knew the answer.

You recognized that familiar voice anywhere. “What do you want draco?” you said, trying to make it seem as if you weren’t just crying.

“I want to talk to you, please”

“No,” you said getting up and pushing yourself out of the stall. “You don't get to just throw me away after I told you everything and just come back into my life like nothing ever happened. Just go away, that's all you guys are good for” you spat.

“Just listen to me, it was to keep you safe. I didn;t want to but i couldn't bear seeing you hurt” he tried to explain.

“Safe?” you laughed. “ and what exactly do i need saving from, malfoy.”

“From me” he said as he pulled up his sleeve revealing his dark mark to you. Your body instantly tensed, you knew he was having problems and his family was involved with the dark lord but you never knew it was like this.

“Draco i-” you tried to say something but the words were stuck in your throat. He stood there looking at you desperately like he was waiting for you to tell him everything was okay, you wanted to be there for him but you didn’t know what to do. You trusted him with everything but he couldn't trust you with this? You thought the bond you had made would have made him trust you in the slightest, but clearly it's always you who’s more trusting.

“Why didn't you tell me?” you managed to say, your voice hoarse.

“I thought you’d leave me, you were the only good thing i had. Please don't leave me” he begged, salty tears escaping his eyes and running down his cheeks as he looked at you with desperation.

“So you thought pushing me away by snogging pansy was better?” you yelled, as he continued to look at you slightly taken aback by your lashing out.

“You know what, go ahead and cry little boy. You know that your daddy did too, you know what your mama went through. You gotta let it out soon, just let it out” you taunted walking closer to him looking straight into his teary eyes.

“This time I'll be the one that leaves.” and with that you were gone.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

It’s been months since that night in the girls lavatory, and you missed him. You wanted to visit him in the hospital wing once you heard what happened with Harry Potter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. He left you, and you were tired of always going back to people who just hurt you.

Now here you were at the battle of Hogwarts, standing with everyone while Voldemort and his death eaters stood across from you all.

“Draco, draco come here” you heard narcissa call from across the scene. He looked hesitant, as if he was waiting for someone to stop him but no one did. So he started walking over to his parents.

But you grabbed his hand.

“Stay please” you whispered looking up into his eyes.

He looked back at his parents and back at you like he was contemplating his answer.

“I’ll stay”

If you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

—————-

tagging fun ppl nd ppl who interacted (so srry if u don’t wanna be tagged)

@hellohellook @astoria-malfcy @justfangirlthingies @sfdlm @falling-loki @notvasi @gwlvr @malfoytookmyheart

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enderwoah · 3 years

Text

ORIGINS SMP HEADCANONS (because i love them): SEASON TWO EDITION BAYBEEE

(this is really long ENJOY :gun:)

tommy

he is phil's son smile

phil's most recent son at least

he's got like one more somewhere

he picked this one up off the dangerous streets a few years ago and he's been sticking with phil ever since

his wings are small- not too small to fly, but they're untrained to the point where it would take a lot or work to get him off the ground

but at first, he didn't really seem to want to learn all that much?

(he has three scars on his face- all from trying to learn how to fly when he was younger)

(he gave up after the third one)

("if at first you don't succeed; try, try again" is his motto, and he tried all three times)

but!! phil and wilbur are very persuasive :) and now that he knows he can fly, he's not going to rest until he does

he's a little manipulative to get what he wants sometimes, but can you blame someone that lived on the street for so long?

he had to do that to survive! it's not his fault.

(it's a great excuse.)

he laughs like a kookaburra amen

he squawks when he gets scared

he chirps. he tries not to because it makes phil go absolutely bird-brained but he does sometimes and he hates it.

tubbo

NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A B[GUNSHOTS]

god he is. so fucking annoying (/rp)

he simply does not know when to stop

he ignores social cues to see when someone is annoyed

(see: he can read social cues. he does read social cues. when you get annoyed that's when he starts being more annoying, because you're more likely to give him what he wants to get him to shut the fuck up.)

he loves talking to (at) people, especially people he doesn't really know that well

so he's trying to be friends with ranboo, but the absolute prick keeps trying to avoid any actual conversations, so that's not working

he buzzes when he gets excited-happy

his fingertips are completely blackened and horrendously sharp, functioning as ten individual stingers

they don't do any actual damage but he's working on that

techno

wither hybrid (??)

how can you be a wither hybrid?? nobody got down and dirty with the wither

he's an experiment

the reason we haven't seen him yet? he's staying away from the main area of the smp

he doesn't want to ruin its natural beauty with his withering effect, so he keeps to himself on the outskirts of the smp

which sucks

withers get health from killing things

he's not fully a wither, so he gets energy from being around people and sort of draining their life force a little bit

he feels terrible when he's with just one person because they are Literally his life support and it makes the person feel like shit

when he's with a big group of people its great!! he only has to take a little bit from everyone and its barely noticable!!

but then there's the wither part. so he has to stay away.

he's always tired

always exhausted

he's a farmer, so taking it from animals works, but god does he miss people

but he can only visit a few times and for very short

(he's afraid that one of these days he'll get so bad that the next time he sees someone he'll accidentally kill them)

(it already happened once. he's blessed that he's been forgiven, even made friends with by the victims, but he doubts he'll be able to pull that off again with no consequences like last time)

wilbur

phantlings are dead elytrians, and given that wilbur was phil's son...he's a phantling

he died in the late 50s and was a librarian when he was alive, so he's very possessive (ha) over all of his things

you should never ask to "borrow" anything from him, he will hound you about it until you give it back

it's best to just say that you want something from him to keep

even if youre going to give it back

just for your own peace of mind

phantlings can feel fear and get a genuine feeling of elation from scaring people

of course, sometimes its unwelcome (feeling large amounts of fear from someone they care about in a bad way just makes them pissed)

but for the most part, wilbur loves appearing in the corner of people's visions just to jumpscare them a few minutes later

all in good fun, of course!! it's just hilarious :)

being the lighthearted, fun guy he is, he's not particularly secretive about his method of death

"how did i die? well, it all started -- ended -- on november 16th, 1958!"

"i walked out of the library late, since i took the shift for my wife since she was feeling sick and i worked there anyways,"

"the streets were dark and only lit up by gaslamps...and out of an alley...appeared..........."

techno.

he didn't mean it. wilbur isn't at all mad at him (anymore)

he was starving. he didn't know that one touch would be enough to fully revitalize him...

and murder wilbur where he stood.

sneeg

has details on everyone on the server

you Cannot Hide Shit From Sneeg

its impossible

if you find of his any shittly little mouse holes then you're doomed

you find one and there are twenty more

he's under your floorboards while you're having your important discussion about trapping the nether roof

sucks to suck ig??

he seems to be the favourite of many, which is weird since he rarely goes out of his way to actually talk to many people

he's the only person that tubbo doesn't actively try to annoy (or maybe he just doesn't find tubbo's antics all that annoying)

he's the only person that ranboo stays around (or maybe he stays around ranboo- he and Phil seem to be the only ones not off-put by his slightly sadistic and whiny demeanour (not counting tubbo, who annoys him anyways)

phil seems to be more protective of him than he thinks is normal (he lets sneeg ride on his shoulder while travelling, so he doesn't really complain)

niki is completely protective over him (again, not complaining)

contrary to popular believe, he does not get high from sugar

if anything he gets

high-per

(get it)

(high-per)

(hyper)

he's literally just a nine-year old getting a sugar rush leave him alone

phil

take the normal "bird-brain" headcanons and multiply it by like sixty-four

and you've got origins phil

he can't see glass- or, rather, he can, but it doesn't register that 'hey, this is a solid surface i am going to slam into'

its very funny for everyone else but he's pretty sure he has permanent brain damage from the blunt force trauma

if there is ANYONE on the server who dares to chirp, bird or no, they must understand that they are signing away their privacy and giving phil the right to go absolutely bonkers over them momma bird style

(shoutout to tommy, wilbur, ranboo, and fundy for having to suffer through this)

"oh??? you don't have wings?? you don't have feathers?? omg?? then what's this im preening?? what do you mean im just braiding your hair?? nono this is preening smile"

god help you if you dare to have wings

poor tommy, wilbur, sneeg, and tubbo

phil can't help himself alright

do you think he wants to be any sort of protective over sneegsnag?

no!! but he cant stop himself!! sneeg might damage his wings if he keeps flying those super long distances!!! nnnno! carry the bug man!!!

it's weird, he's always had that protective sense over ranboo, too

but ranboo very obviously doesn't have wings, so he doesn't get it...

ranboo

yes ur a peasant

yes ur poor

yes im cooler than u

what r u gonna do about it

the enderdragon's son! partially a dragon, partially enderman, partially human (don't ask, his other mom is a hybrid), all spoiled brat!

given that he has a ton of dragon genes, he's extremely possessive over his stuff and Yes He Does Do The Hoarding Thing

he has a pile of rings and gold chains and necklaces and most of his jewellery hidden underneath his bed

(if you ask him, no, he doesn't)

not to wear

just to Have

one time, fundy stole one (1) bracelet from the hoard and ranboo was sent into a panic for a good 24 hours

he wouldn't leave his cave and kept counting and recounting as if that'd make the missing piece reappear

(when fundy had to give it back because of the guilt, he expected to get his face bitten off)

(instead, he just watched as the prince was flooded with relief, telling him to get the hell out and nothing more)

it's weird, he has so much gold and even a crown, and yet here he is

living with all those people ^^^

truth be told, the enderdragon isn't a very nice dragon

nor is she a very kind queen

nor was the other queen

nor was her son

there was a mutiny in the end, leading to the dragon queen and her wife being killed brutally by the crowd of angered people

they went after their son next, who had ordered executions and worked servants to the bone just as much as they had

they cut off his wings in the middle of the square

he was sure he was going to die until a random person (a peasant) jumped up and yelled at them for publicly torturing a child

but ranboo didn't really catch all of it, given he was delirious from pain

he got to get some stuff quickly and escape with his life

this wasn't too long ago, either, so he's still trying to...adjust...to people talking rudely to him

(he's also trying to adjust to not having wings)

(hence why he hurls himself off the edges of cliffs and then has to teleport to the bottom instead of glide. he keeps forgetting.)

#this is so long #origins smp #originssmp #ranboo #tubbo #philza #philza minecrft #sneegsnag #wilbur soot #technoblade #tommyinnit #help this is so long

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yurtletheturtlehenderson · 3 years

Text

COSMIC - S1:E2; Chapter Two, The Weirdo On Maple Street - [Pt. 3]

A Will Byers x Male!Reader Series

𝘠/𝘯, 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴, 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯.

|| 𝟑𝐫𝐝 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

"Ready are you? What knows you of ready?" Mike spoke in a voice that was supposed be Yoda's.

Mike had been showing her his room; he was now showing her all of his toys. El gave him strange looks at his unusual voice. He continues in his normal voice.

"His name is Yoda. He can use the Force to move things with his mind, like this." Mike then quickly shoves all of the toys off the table.

"Whoosh!"

Eleven looks around and all sorts of items she had never seen before on Mike's dresser. Mike, had now moved on to his favorite dinosaur toy.

"This is my dinosaur, Rory. Look, he has a speaker in his mouth so he can roar." He turns to show her, only to realize she was now by his dresser and was looking closely at everything in curiosity. He put down Rory and joined her.

Eleven took note of all the things before her; what appeared to be a shiny gold woman with wings and many other figurines like it that stood on wooden platforms.

"Oh, these are all my science fair trophies. We got first every year. Except for last year when we got third. Mr. Clarke said it was totally political."

El smiled at one of the trophies that read HAWKINS MIDDLE SCHOOL TEAM PROBLEM SOLVING CHAMPIONS, next to it a picture with five kids all holding a large trophy. El recognized everyone. She smiled when she saw the only friend of Mike's that offered to help her; Y/n. He was standing in the middle, one hand holding the trophy, the other one was behind a smiling boy, two of his fingers sticking up making it look like the other boy had bunny ears.

El's smile fell when it dawned on her that she recognized the boy. She gasped silently, her mouth agape. Mike took note of this and watched her carefully as she slowly brought her finger to the picture. Mike watched as finger landed on his missing friend.

He looked back at her in shock. "You know Will?" She didn't say anything, her mouth still open and a very concerned look on her face.

"Did you see him? Last night? On the road?"

Before she could say anything, the loud noise of halting vehicle broke the silence. Mike quickly ran to his window in a panic, his mom was pulling up the driveway.

He ran back over to El.

"We gotta go."

He grabs her hand, yanks open his bedroom door, and drags her down the steps. He halts at the landing of stairs, staring in horror as his mom is at the front door, closing it behind her. Her youngest, Holly was in her arms, and so was her groceries. Before she could see anything, Mike ran back upstairs with El, as quickly and quietly as possible.

Karen Wheeler stopped in her tracks when she thought she heard someone upstairs.

"Ted? Is that you?" She calls out.

"Just me mom!" Mike yelled out frantically as he ran through the hallway.

"Mike? What are you doing home?"

"One second!" He brought El back into his room and lead her to his closet, not before closing his bedroom door.

"In here. I'll be right back, okay?" Mike instructed, slightly out of breath.

El stood rooted in place, fear in her eyes.

But Mike was frantic. "Please, you have to get in, or my mom, she'll find you. Do you understand?" El only looked at the closet, then back at Mike.

"I won't tell her about you. I promise."

"Promise?" She asked, clearly confused.

"It means something that you can't break. Ever." He explained quickly.

"Michael?" Mike's mom could be heard from downstairs.

They both looked to the door, then back at each other. "Please?" Mike pleaded.

El looks between Mike and the closet, unsure before walking inside, and turning to Mike. He quickly closed the door and she began to back up further into the closet, panic setting in.

- 𝗙𝗟𝗔𝗦𝗛𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞 -

"Pop!"

Eleven struggles to break free from the men's hold as they carry her by her arms down, back into the room.

Sobs racked her body as she uses all her strength to turn and look back at Papa.

"Papa!" He steps out into the hallway and remains standing, doing nothing to help her, yet she still calls for him.

"Papa! No!" She screams her throat raw and her legs never stop kicking.

"Papa!"

They round the corner and at the end of the short hallway lays the dreaded room. The cold unwelcoming florescent light floods from the open door. Her resistance becomes stronger and more violent.

"No! No! No!"

Her screams become incoherent when the two men chuck her to the ground, she scrambles to feet in an attempt to stop the copper door from closing. Alas, she is too late for the steel door had slammed shut before her.

"Papa!" She yelled, slamming her palms against the cold copper.

"Papa!" She tries banging her fists, but to no avail.

"Papa! Papa! Papa!" Her screams turn to sobs.

"Papa."

She backs away from the door and retreats to the corner of the very small room where she tucked herself away. Her heart sinks to the floor with her, unable to do anything but curl up in a ball on the ice cold tile.

"Papa." She whimpers quietly.

- 𝗘𝗡𝗗 𝗢𝗙 𝗙𝗟𝗔𝗦𝗛𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞 -

Eleven backs up until her back hit the wall and she slides down till she is sitting on Mike's floor. She hugs her knees to her chest and allows her sobs to come.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

"I just... I don't feel good." Mike was sat, hands folded together on his couch with his mother. He was giving her a false excuse of why he was at home during a school day.

"I woke up and my head, it really hurt bad, and my throat was all scratchy, and I wanted to tell you, but the last Tim's I told you I was sick you made me go to school anyway, and-"

"Michael."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not mad at you."

Mike was surprised to hear this from his mother.

"No?"

"No, of course not." She adjusted herself so that she was closer to her son, grabbed his hand in her's and sighed.

"All this that's been going on with Will, I can't imagine what it's been like for you."

Mike looks down to his lap, taking it in. No one had asked how he was doing with his best friend missing. It was hard. The whole party was worried. He never considered that and it was... refreshing to hear that his mother understood. He looked back at his mother as she continued.

"I just... I want you to feel like you can talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me. I'm here for you. Okay?"

He nods his head. They both look up when they hear a soft thud from upstairs.

"Is there someone else here?" She asks.

Michael considers what his mom just told him. "No."

"Huh. Weird. Hey by the way, did you do something to my plant out front? It looks amazing!"

"Oh, that? Um, well, no that was Y/n."

"Really? Wow! That's incredible, he needs to tell me his secret. I could really use his help! Say, speaking of Y/n," she nudged her son, a teasing smirk on her face. "Anything going on between you two? Do you like him? Does he like you?" She asked, getting more excited with each question.

Mike's face scrunched up. "Ugh! Mom! He's just a friend! He's, like... my brother! How many times do I have to say that?" He whines.

"You're right, you're right! I'm sorry, my bad." She throws her hands up in surrender. "It's just... you two would be so cute toge-"

Mike stands up from the couch quickly. "Mom!" He interrupts, then sighs. "Thank you for understanding and letting me stay home, it means a lot, really. But I should probably go upstairs now and lay down, okay? Okay. Bye."

He runs upstairs before she can respond, leaving her sitting on the couch, in confusion.

"...Okay," she says to no one in particular.

|| 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

Lucas, Dustin and I were biked to Mike's house to meet him there. Once we arrived, he quickly rushed us up to his room. El was sitting on Mike's bed, a blanket on her legs. I remain standing next to everyone else but I give El a smile and a wave. She timidly smiles and waves back.

"Are you out of your mind?" Lucas argued.

"Just listen to me." Mike began.

"You are out of your mind!"

"She knows about Will."

My head snaps up at the mention of him. "What?" I quickly look to El and then back at Mike, my eyes wide.

"What do you mean she knows about Will?" Dustin asks for me.

Mike took a few steps towards his dresser and picked up the picture of all five of us at the science fair.

"She pointed at him, at his picture. She knew he was missing. I could tell."

"You could tell?"

"Just think about it. Do you really think it was a coincidence that we found her on Mirkwood, the same place that Will disappeared?"

"That is weird." Dustin agreed.

I turned and slowly walked over to El, cautiously taking a seat next to her, but still giving her enough space. "Is that true?" I ask in a gentle whisper. She looked me in the eye and gulped, and ever so slightly nodded her head 'yes'.

I chuckle in disbelief and look at the boys hopefully.

"And she said bad people are after her. I think that maybe these bad people are the same ones who took Will."

"Guys, think about it. I think he's right. I think she might know what happened to him." I speak up, hope in my voice.

"Then why doesn't she tell us?"

"Well, maybe she's scared of you two!" I accuse.

"Why should she be scared? I'm tired of this." He walks straight over to her and starts raising his voice.

"Do you know where he is?"

"Lucas..." I warn, my hands subconsciously ball into a fist in anger.

Suddenly he grabs her by the shoulders, shaking her and begins yelling in her face. "Do you know where Will is?"

"LUCAS!" I bark. Standing up immediately, I rip his arms of her, she's cowering in fear. "Dammit man, get your hands off of her! And you wonder why she's scared," I scoffed, crossing my arms.

"She should be scared! If you know where he is, tell us!" She doesn't say anything and she bites her lip trying not to cry. "Lucas! Listen to me. I know you're scared and worried about Will, okay? We all are, but we have to be patient okay? She's scared, she's lost, she probably doesn't know who to trust, we just need to be kind to her alright?" I plead.

"Ya know what? No. There's no time. This is nuts. We have to take her to your mom." He says turning back to Mike.

"No! Eleven said telling any adult would put us in danger." Mike argues.

For the first time in a while, Dustin spoke up, his voice soft.

"What kind of danger?"

"Her name is Eleven?" Lucas asks.

"El for short." Mike corrected casually.

"Mike, what kind of danger?" Lucas pressed, his voice grew significantly louder.

"Danger danger," Mike yelled back.

I look around, breathing heavily as I take everything in. Mike puts his hand up to my brother's forehead in the shape of a gun. Then the same to Lucas. Lucas swats away Mike's hand almost immediately.

Lucas begins to panic. "No, no, no! We're going back to plan A. We're telling your mom."

I try to grab his arm as he stomps towards the door, but he shoves my hand away. He rips open the door, only for the door to be slammed shut all on it's own, making everything around the room shake. We all stare at the door in confusion. He tries it again, but the door continues to slam shut. Then, we all see the lock turn by itself.

'Okay, well... I know I didn't imagine that.'

Simultaneously, we all turn to El to find her standing, blood dripping from her nose giving Lucas quite possibly the sharpest glare I have ever seen.

"No." She states firmly. It's enough to send a chill down my spine.

It's silent for a few moments and I breathe out a shocked chuckle. "That... was the coolest thing I have ever seen."

#you'll float queue #stranger things #will byers x reader #reader insert #will byers #dustin henderson #mike wheeler #lucas sinclair #cosmic #m!cosmic #y/n henderson #el hopper #eleven #x male!reader #x m!reader #will byers x male reader #stranger things x reader #x reader #the weirdo on maple street

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galaxy-lilies · 3 years

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Two Demons and a Dream

How Sapnap and Dream met:

Part 1 | Part 2 (you are here)

In the beginning it was just Dream and Sapnap: a human boy who had no qualms with interacting with other monsters and a shy fire demon.

Sapnap had moved next door to Dream, Dream’s parents going, "we should probably introduce ourselves to the new neighbors."

Dream's mom is human and his dad is a monster of sorts, probably an angelic monster so XD and Drista would make sense. It would also explain why Dream didn't have any qualms about meeting other monsters.

When Dream’s parents knock on the door, they’re greeted by BBH and Skeppy who introduce themselves and their son Sapnap. Sapnap is hiding behind Bad’s leg the whole time as Dream’s parents introduced themselves. Dream tries to wave "hi" but Sapnap just hid further behind his father.

Eventually, Dream and his parents had to leave and they said goodbye to the new family. Dream’s bedroom window faces Sapnap’s backyard so he saw how the fire demon was boredly shooting hoops. Dream very eloquently sneaks in (he falls out of the tree that hangs over their shared fence) and asks if he could play too.

Dream watched as Sapnap yelped in surprise, the demon nearly chucking the basketball at Dream’s face. Once he calmed down from the initial surprise he eventually agreed. They talk and play for the rest of the evening until Dream’s parents come to fetch him.

“Wanna play again tomorrow?” Dream asks.

Sapnap gives him a toothy grin. “Definitely.”

And they do play the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that one…

Soon it became a common occurrence for Dream and Sapnap to visit each other, playing and goofing around until they tire themselves out.

For a while Dream assumes Sapnap is a human and he doesn’t press since it’s the last thing on his mind.

He also didn’t know the other was a monster since Sapnap’s horns were so small. They were covered up by his bandanna all the time.

Dream had asked why he wore it all the time and the other just avoided the question or gave him a shrug. It wasn’t until they were in middle school did Dream finally realize the answer. It was also the first time Dream saw Sapnap’s second form.

Since Dream was the only one who bothered to talk to the monsters in his school, he was an easy target for harassment. He was cornered on his way to his lunch spot, three guys deciding to harass him for hanging out with the demon in the first place. Dream did his best to fend for himself but he was outnumbered.

Soon it got physical and Dream was pushed to the floor. However before things could escalate, Sapnap showed up.

He was pissed.

His hands had turned into claws, his horns had grown longer, and his eyes were pure white.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the demon growled, the flames on his horns growing brighter.

The three immediately started to back up, making excuses about how they just wanted to talk to Dream. Sapnap called bullshit and summoned two balls of flame in his hands.

“If you even dare try to hurt my friend I am going to burn each and everyone of you guys into a crisp, you hear?!”

The three boys practically ran and Sapnap let out a small sigh of relief. When he turned around to see if Dream was alright, he was afraid that the human would run away or call him a freak like everyone else has.

After all he’s a monster, humans are supposed to be afraid of monsters.

Instead, Dream was entranced by Sapnap’s new features. He even went to the extent of pulling Sapnap down by his horn so he could get a closer look at his fire-like hair.

Sapnap had flushed under Dream’s intense gaze, but he let Dream observe his new features.

“You have such cool claws! They’re almost the same size as my face!” Sapnap had giggled at the observation and, as more time passed, his form faded back to his usual horns and tail.

They easily become a tight knit duo, never straying too far from each other.

They do eventually make other friends, Sapnap a little more hesitant than Dream. Either way they always kept in touch with each other and often chatted by just opening up their bedroom windows and talking like that.

Eventually, senior year of high school comes and goes just as fast. Summer comes around and the two find themselves on Sapnap's roof, looking up at the stars.

They have a some small talk, but it's a little sad. Dream's family was moving to the state where he was going to college the very next day. This was the night Sapnap confessed that he liked Dream.

This was also the night Dream confessed that he liked Sapnap, too.

Together the two just cuddled and talked until the morning, retiring to Sapnap’s room some time during the night. Dream’s parents knocked next door knowing their son must've gone to hangout with Sapnap one last time.

Life moves on afterwards, Dream and Sapnap texting each other every once in a while, but never truly catching up.

And that's how they ended up here, face to face at their new jobs realizing they were working at the same company branch. They caught up after work and Sapnap asks if Dream still felt the same after so long. Dream only smiles and says of course.

After a little more small talk, Sapnap asks if Dream wanted to come back to his place. And that's how Dream and Sapnap found themselves spending an intimate night together, finally reunited at last.

#two demons and a dream #dreamnap #eventual dreamnotnap #indiewrites #dreamwastaken #Sapnap #long post #tdaad

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lokiskitten · 3 years

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Loki Laufeyson | Valentine’s Day pt3

Loki Laufeyson x fem!reader

people who wanted to be tagged : @ravioli-demon @wolfish-trickster @kaz11283 @marvelouslovely

plot : ( refer to the two previous parts ) You just shared a lovely dance with Loki. Once the mysterious intruder finally leave his room, you two decide to intimately confess to each other.

warnings : none.

It wasn’t particularly well taken for a young lady to be found in a boy’s bedroom before marriage, and that especially when it included the King’s youngest son. Quickly getting up from the bed, both of you started to panic slightly as the knocks continued to resonate throughout the room, a familiar feminine voice soon echoing from behind the door. “Loki! My dear, are you here?” You recognized Frigga’s voice, your queen and Loki’s mother.

The black haired man turned towards you, head tilting energetically as he gestured for you to hide underneath the bed. Of course, you obeyed, quickly getting onto your knees before gently sliding underneath Loki’s bed. Thankfully, it had enough room for you to feel comfortable. Once you had disappeared from his sight, the raven haired teen turned towards the door and cleared his throat. “Come in.” He allowed his mother to open the door, trying his best to feel more calm to make sure he wouldn’t make the queen suspicious.

As soon as she had received the authorization to walk in, the respectful woman gently pushed the door open and smiled at her son as soon as his face appeared for her eyes to see. “Hello my dear.” She spoke, joining her hands against her lower stomach as a smile appeared on her lips. “Good evening mother. Is there anything I can do to help you?” Loki asked respectfully, still acknowledging your presence without necessarily trying to show it.

Whilst Loki ans Frigga continued to converse, you remained laid underneath the bed, listening to how they talked about the ball and understanding the woman’s worries when it came to her son going to the dance by himself. However, something none of them knew was that he wouldn’t have to go alone. It took them a couple of minutes to be done, Loki trying his best to send him mom off as soon as he could so that he could drag you out of underneath his bed.

After hearing the door shut close, your head poked out from underneath the bed and allowed a giggle to escape your mouth. “well, that was embarrassing.” the man spoke, referring to his mother calling him by his secret nickname : Kiki. Shaking your head as you got back up to your feet, you couldn’t help but laugh again though made sure to reassure your new friend. “I think it’s cute. She’s always been so nice to you.” You stated, whilst sitting back down onto the bed, legs crossing onto the other.

Sighing tiredly, Loki slicked his hair back before resting his green eyes onto your gorgeous silhouette. “You won’t have to go alone, Loki. I am not going with your brother. It probably won’t be hard for him to find a new partner anyway..” you confirmed, earning a blush from your new partner. For the first time in a while, the demigod had won something over his brother. That should’ve probably flattered his ego, but Loki felt nothing but pure pride which was accompanied by humbleness.

Sitting down next to you, he watched the way your delicate hands rested onto your lap. Your face turned towards his, making eye contact with the beautiful demigod who was only asked to be loved by another woman than his mother. Though, everyone knew he loved her more than anything else. Your heart started to race, tongue poking out of your mouth in order to moisturize your lips which were getting peculiarly dry. Leaning in, you felt overly disappointed when the black haired boy decided to look away from your face.

But your empathic self couldn’t help but think that it was because he felt intimidated. After all, it was probably normal for him to get overwhelmed by irrational fear. In order to reassure him, and to assure that he would warm up to you, your hand rested onto his, the size difference making you blush. Surprisingly, his hand flipped in order to squeeze yours, a gesture that made your heart warm up more than it ever did before. “I.. I haven’t done anything with anyone before.” You explained, confessing openly to him.

Hearing about this interesting fact allowed Loki to look towards you again, green orbs reflecting the sudden curiosity which had grew inside of him. “I haven’t either.” Loki confessed with a smile, squeezing your hand a tad tighter. “Do you think it would be.. wrong?” You ended up asking, nervously biting down onto your bottom lip as you apprehended Loki’s answer. This question obviously had a specific meaning to it, and you wished that he would understand it without you having to explain. Though, you probably would’ve managed to overcome your fear if it was truly needed. “I don’t believe in good nor wrong.” The demigod answered sternly, pure truth coming out of his mouth.

“I’ve always been taught to wait for the right person. To wait for the day where I would finally get to lay my eyes onto the man I’m destined to marry.” You explained further, causing a chuckle to escape Loki’s lips. “Tell me about it.” He responded, both of you finally making eye contact before you began to stare at each other’s lips. And cautiously, nature led you to press your lips against one another’s.

Here’s part three! I was very tired today but still felt like posting something, so this was shitty and short, I’m sorry. Expect some more interesting stuff for part four, hopefully ;) again, let me know if you want me to tag you into part four!

#Loki laufeyson #Loki #Loki laufeyson imagine #loki laufeyson smut #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson x you #Loki laufeyson fluff #tom hiddleston x you #tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston smut #tom hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston imagine #Tom hiddleston fanfic #marvel #mcu #marvel imagine

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writers-blogck · 3 years

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A House, Not a Home ( Dabi x Todoroki!Reader )

Warning(s): This is siblings. It is not a romantic story. Don't be gross. This will have spoilers for the current Manga arc, though not many. A little bit of health-related issues but nothing too graphic. Title inspired by Madds Buckley's Dabi song.

Title: A House, Not a Home Pairing: Dabi x Reader (Little Sister) Fandom: My Hero Academia Word Count: 5,405

Ages: 0 and 6

Rei sat on the futon, legs tucked under her as she held you close to her chest. Her fourth child, smaller than the other three had been. She loved all of her children but as she looked down at the crying newborn, she knew this wouldn't be enough for her husband. He would want another one to get the perfect prodigy. A small sigh left the woman's mouth. She was getting tired. She knew she had to keep it together for her children but she wasn't sure how long she would be able to keep this up.

Everyone else was asleep as she rocked you in the main room, or so she thought. Bright turquoise eyes came into view and she couldn't help but let her heart speed up. Enji had been a good husband once but after Fuyumi, he could no longer focus on anything but his legacy. He needed to be first and if he couldn't, then he would create the next number one hero. This kept him from ever being soft to his children or wife. Had you woken him up? He was never pleasant during the middle of the night... She had learned that the hard way just after Touya was born.

As smaller feet shuffled closer, Rei felt her shoulders relax. She couldn't help but be frightened by her son Touya at times. He had the same eyes as his father, so extreme and filled with a fire she couldn't describe. There had been nights where she worried Touya would follow his father's footsteps of intensity but moments like these gave her hope. He only ever acted this way when it was just the two of them. He had to be the cool big brother around his siblings and he dare not show any weakness in front of Enji. Rei wished she could change that, she really did. But, she was only one woman.

"Is she alright?" He spoke softly, eyes as wide as the moon itself as he stared down at your flushed face.

"Yes, she's just hungry is all. Babies need to eat a lot you know. You'll probably hear her cry a lot during the night but you don't have to worry. Mommy will take care of her." Rei ran her hand ever so slightly over your fuzzy head. What color hair would you have? White like her own? Red like your father's? She was just gratefully you had inherited her eyes. She didn't know if she could take another pair of those piercing eyes.

"Won't she get fat if she eats all the time?" Touya quietly sat down next to his mother, shoulders brushing against one another in a silent piece of affection. Love was shared in secret in this house. Enji didn't want Rei to make his boys soft because she babied them. He was better with Fuyumi but Natsuo proved that he hadn't learned his lesson.

Touya was too young to remember Natsuo or Fuyumi when they were babies. He had been four when Natsuo was brought home and barely over a year with Fuyumi. This was the first time he would ever truly get to experience the troubles that came along with a newborn. Natsuo still cried a lot but he just was scared to sleep by himself.

"Oh no, darling. She's growing and needs all that energy. Just like you are a growing boy. You know, she's lucky to have a big brother like you...."

"Really?"

"Of course. All of your siblings are grateful for you, Touya. Don't ever think differently." She ran her free hand through his white hair, caressing his face as she pulled away, attention shifting back to you.

As you squirmed in her arms, she feared for your safety. She didn't have the best of health and Touya had inherited that, though not as severely as her own. Rei feared that you had inherited it more than any of the other children. Giving birth had been hard and there was a moment there when they didn't know if you were going to survive. She never wanted to admit that Enji was right but you were weak. Just a baby born into a harsh world. How would she be able to keep you safe?

"Touya, I need you to promise me something."

"Anything!" Touya could be described as a mommy's boy, though he hid it as much as he could. All of her children preferred her, as most children do prefer their mothers. It didn't help that Enji was as rough and intimidating as he was added onto that.

"This is your little sister and it's your job as a big brother to protect her. She is going to need you more than Fuyumi or Natsuo. She's sick and could really use a good big brother in her life." Rei spoke softly, eyes shifting between her two children who were awake. She didn't want to put such a burden on her eldest but something in her stomach made her fear for your future. Enji would see you as weak and interact with you as little as possible. Natsuo was too young to be a real big brother to you just yet. Touya was the best chance for you to get a good male figure in your life.

"Can you promise me that you'll always protect her?"

"Of course, mommy! I'll be the best big brother you've ever seen! I'll make sure she never cries around me!"

Rei smiled and hoped that was true. She knew if her children were going to get affection from somewhere other than her, it was going to have to be with each other. Enji was a demanding father and while Rei tried her best, she couldn't help but get tired at times from her own health issues. Touya had taken on the duty of leading his younger siblings as soon as he could walk but this was different. She could feel it and she didn't know if that was going to be a good thing or bad.

"Would you like to hold her?" Touya nodded in awe as his mother placed you in his arms, keeping her own hands there as a safety precaution. You were still so young, it would be some time before she really trusted Touya to hold you all on his own. But, she would teach him. There was so much in store for all of her children, that much was certain.

You looked so fragile like you could break if Touya even looked at you the wrong way. He could play rough with Natsuo, though he would get in trouble if he made his brother cry. Fuyumi was only two years younger than him and though she was his little sister, this felt different. So tiny...So little.

Your sobs quieted as you were moved into your brother's arms, your attention now shifting to this new person in front of you. At that moment, Touya felt his heartache for the future. He knew his dad wasn't the nicest but he wouldn't let his dad do anything to you. Not while he was around. He would be your guardian angel.

"Don't worry," He whispered as you stared up at him with watery eyes, "I'm gonna make sure you never get hurt. You'll never have to cry when I'm around. I'm gonna be your new big brother and I won't let anything happen to you.

Ages: 3 and 9

A sharp yelp followed by loud cries brought Touya rushing to the backyard. How had you even gotten out? Was no one watching you? Mom should have been...But since Shoto was born, her attention shifted to focus on him. She didn't do it on purpose but she gave him most of her attention. It was more likely to be Touya who calmed you after a nightmare, not Rei. He was the one who cleaned your cuts and put a bandaid on them.

As he ran outside, he was shocked to see you sitting on the ground, tiny fires alight on the blades of grass surrounding you. It wasn't hard to stomp out such small fires before they got big but he was more concerned about you. Why were you crying so much? What happened? Someone was always watching you, or at least he thought so. He had slipped when doing his homework. If you got hurt, it was his fault.

"What is it? Tell me, show me." He spoke, moving to where you were sitting with your legs pulled close to your chest. You were hiding your chubby hands behind your knees, shoulders shaking as you let out sobs. He was never the best when it came to you crying. He normally would just curl up next to you when you had a nightmare but it was different when you were hurt. You were always the one to go to him crying when you got a small cut or when you fell. Yet, now you were cowering away from him.

"Show me." His tone was more serious this time as he wrestled with you, finally getting a hold of your chubby hands. He felt bad when he saw you wince but he needed to see what was wrong. What if you had broken your wrist or cut off your fingers? How would you do that? He didn't know but he was sure going to find out if you had. He hadn't been expecting what actually had happened. How could he? You were still so young...

As you unfolded your hands, he was greeted with the sight of harsh burns. There was nothing around you that could have burnt you, nothing obvious anyway. He looked over your arms quickly, in a small state of panic. He may be more mature than some kids but he was still only nine. He only knew so much. The next thing he noticed was how hot your arms had become, something he had only ever felt between two people.

Taking a closer look, he noticed the dim light shining through your skin where your veins would be. When he ran his finger along the lines, he could tell they were the hottest part. The rest of the heat was dispersing from those areas. His stomach began to drop as he realized what had happened. He had hoped, dreamed, prayed that you would inherit everything from your mother. Sitting here on the grass with you now proved to him that he was wrong.

"It's okay! I know how to deal with this, you just burnt yourself a bit. It's going to be okay. Nii-chan gets burned all the time. I'll make it feel better. Let's go inside and we can watch a movie, how about it? We can do that after we get your hands fixed up." Even though he was still young, he was able to hoist your body up and carry you inside, though he was shakily wobbling the entire time. One day he would be big enough to carry you without having trouble. He hoped it wasn't obvious how worried he was about the situation.

He hadn't been prepared for when you would show your quirk for the first time. He had hoped that it would have been something ice-related. Something like Natsuo or Fuyumi. Something like your mother's. A quirk that wouldn't hurt you but he hadn't gotten that lucky. You shared the same fire that your father and Touya had within them. Would yours be as harsh as his own? The flames had been red so that was a good sign.

He was skilled at taking care of burns at this point because of his own quirk. Touya knew he was going to have to tell your father about your quirk appearing but, what if that made him focus on you more and make you train like him? This was still a little young to be showing your quirk. Maybe he could just hide it for some time while he taught you how to control your power. Touya could still remember how painful it had been when his father tried to teach him to hold his fire in. He wouldn't let that happen to you, he couldn't.

He would never let your father hurt you. Not while he was around.

Ages: 9 and 15

It was late in the night when you heard someone walking around when everyone was supposed to be asleep. Who would be up at this time? Shoto would be asleep for sure...Fuyumi too. Perhaps Natsuo had gotten hungry in the middle of the night? It wouldn't be the first time he had snuck around at night to fill his stomach. If you didn't know any better, you would think his quirk was a black hole in his stomach. You would never understand how he could eat as much as he did. Still, a snack didn't sound that bad.

Wrapping yourself up in your blanket, you made your way to the main room of the house where the front door was. Instead of seeing Natsuo as you had assumed, you saw your eldest brother Touya instead. He wasn't in his pajamas like he should have been...As you looked him over, you noticed that he even had his shoes on and was tugging on his leather jacket.

"Nii-chan?"

Touya's head shot in your direction, a wild look in his eyes. His neck was bandaged up and you weren't sure if it was because of his quirk or if your father had done something to him. Enji was roughest on Touya. Both verbally and physically, Enji always would hurt his eldest son. Touya had been good at hiding it but there were still rare occasions where you saw something you weren't supposed to. Glimpses of the truth.

"Where are you going?"

"(Y/N)..." His voice was hoarse. Had he been screaming? Was he getting sick? He crouched down, eyes staring at the wood of the floor as you moved closer to him. How would he explain this to you? You were the closest with him out of all of his siblings. He had been hoping to slip out without having to say goodbye to anyone. It would hurt less and it would leave less of a chance that he would be caught.

He could still hear what his mother had told him the day she brought you home as you moved closer. He was supposed to protect you but he couldn't stay there anymore. It was too much. You would be fine with Fuyumi and Natsuo to protect you. Plus, there was Shoto, you weren't the youngest anymore. You could live without him.

"I need to go away for a while, okay?" Slowly, his head moved up to make eye contact with you. He had to keep it level even as you began to tremble and form tears in your own eyes. He had to do this, no matter what. If he stayed tonight, then he would just be reminded tomorrow why he wanted to leave tonight. It was the best opportunity that he would have for some time. Your dad had drunk some alcohol tonight and would be passed out upstairs.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

You shuffled over, unable to truly understand what was going on. Touya reached out, pulling you into his arms, and began to run his hand through your hair. Your mother would be so disappointed with what he was doing but he had to be selfish. Sometimes you had to look out for number one. Sure, you would have a crappy childhood but your dad never hurt you. If Touya stayed, he didn't know if he would make it to his next birthday. He had to plan for his own survival.

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know."

"Will you be back?" This question was quieter than before. Timider, meeker. He could hear the fear in your voice but knew what he had to do. He knew what the answer was. No, he wouldn't be coming back. He was running away for good this time but how do you tell your kid sister that? Plus, if he did explain, there was a chance that you would tattle.

Without answering, he let go and stood up, pushing you back a bit so there was space between the two of you. A few stray tears were running down your cheeks, had Touya seen it as he turned his back on you and opened the door? He had to leave before he changed his mind.

"I love you!" You whisper-shouted as the door shut behind his retreating figure. Touya was walking away from the life he knew and walking into a new one where he would become an entirely different man.

Had he heard you?

You knew you should have gone and woken up your father but something kept you from telling. You trusted your big brother and he had gone away before in the past. Maybe this would just be like those times and he would be back within a day or two. That had to be it. If not, where was he going to go? Even after the door was closed, you couldn't move from the entrance, eyes trained on the door as if he would walk in any minute.

This would be the last time you would ever get to hug your brother.

Ages: 15 and 21

It had taken some convincing to be allowed but somehow you got your father to let you attend UA. Today would be your first day and while you were excited, you were scared at the same time. It had never been easy being the daughter of a top hero. It was hard to know when someone really wanted to be your friend versus those who are just sucking up in hopes of meeting your dad. Would that be worse here since these people actually wanted to be heroes?

A small sigh left your lips as you brushed a stray tear away. Shoto would be coming here in two years. He was already the pride and joy of your father. You had times where you would doubt whether or not he actually loved you or not. He would rather see you locked up in your room than out. Fuyumi said he was just being overprotective but you weren't so sure. You thought it was because he was ashamed of you.

This was to prove him wrong. Was that the wrong reason to become a hero? To prove someone wrong? Maybe...You liked the idea of saving people but the biggest thing pushing you was your father. There was a fire inside of you that yearned to prove him wrong and get his approval. Still, Shoto didn't always have it easier than you. While your father barely paid attention to you, it was rare that he wasn't pushing some training on your younger brother. Ever since your mother...No, you shouldn't think about that. The past would only ever haunt you and cause nightmares. Both the events with your mother and Touya's death. You kept telling yourself that you needed to move forward. Today was a new day.

"Hey, are you lost? Whatcha looking for? Maybe we can help you find it!" A loud and booming voice spoke, laced with nothing but kindness. Quickly turning, you were greeted by a blonde boy and a black-haired boy. The blonde had a huge smile on his face while the black-haired one was trying everything he could to keep you from paying attention to him.

Instinctively, you tugged at your sleeve to hide your arms even more. People always would look at you weird if they noticed the scars covering your arms. They would judge you, just like everyone does. For once, you wanted someone to be willing to get to know the real you and not assume things because of your appearance and your father's reputation. Even still, the blonde seemed to radiate sunshine and you almost changed your mind on how they would react. Almost.

"Oh!" With a small sniffle, you pointed quickly at the main building of UA, "I'm looking for 1-A. This is my first year going here and I guess I'm just a bit nervous. I don't know anyone who is going here so...It's just been one of those days, you know?"

"Really?! We both are going to 1-A too! We are gonna be in the same class!" The blonde wrapped an arm around his shy partner, pulling him into the conversation whether he wanted to be a part of it or not, "Why don't we walk there together? We'd be happy to be your new friends if you want! The more friends, the better, right Tama-chan?"

The black-haired boy didn't respond.

This would be your first time ever meeting your two future best friends. Mirio and Tamaki would become almost as close as family to you. How many nights would you end up staying at Mirio's just to stay away from home? Late night walks with Tamaki because you couldn't sleep due to your nightmares?

Dabi was making his own friends on the streets, or whatever you could call friends. He was filled with rage and a fire that had only grown since he had left home. He would see clips of his father saving the day and reporters gushing over him. If they knew the truth, they wouldn't be acting like that. Someone just needed to prove it to them.

And Endeavor? He deserved to pay for everything he had done to Dabi. He needed to hurt as much as he made Dabi hurt. The older boy knew he wouldn't be able to do that alone and began to make allies in the underground areas of the city. Drug dealers and gang members. He would climb the ladder and become a true villain but everyone had to start somewhere. He would need help to get his revenge and he was okay with playing the long-con.

Ages: 17 and 23

Civilians were running in a panicked state as fire surrounded them. Screams were all you could hear save for the blood pumping in your ears. As you searched the crowd for a hero, you were greeted with the sight that you were terrified of. There were no heroes in the area. Not yet. They would be here in less than fifteen minutes but you knew how crucial that time could be.

Fifteen minutes.

As everyone around you ran from the flames, you ran into them. The flames licked at your skin as you entered the chaos but your skin allowed it to glance off of you. You had grown used to the feeling of being burnt due to your own quirk. Deep red scars that followed the patterns of your veins littered your body due to the fire inside of you. In certain lights, your scars could even come out to be slightly purple in color.

You had been going to UA for three years now and this was the exact situation you were being trained for. It was this pulling inside of you that lead you towards the danger that made you a real hero. You were a real hero. You wanted to be a real hero...When would a real hero get here?

"Oh, do we have someone playing a hero here? A schoolgirl come to save the day from the big, bad villain?" Black boots crunched against the gravel of the road, each step as casual as the last as he stalked closer. Burned flesh greeted your eyes as Dabi emerged from the flames. You knew it was him, the blue flames made it obvious. You had seen video footage from the training camp. This was a specific type of fire. This was Hellfire.

"You can't do this!" Your hands clenched into fists, veins burning as your emotions began to run wild. You were terrified. This would be the first time you faced a villain by yourself without active-backup on the way. Interning at your father's agency could have its perks but it also meant you never got dangerous tasks. Even with Shoto just starting, your father took him on more hero-like outings. He was playing favorites and it hurt. Did he not think you could be a hero? Were you too weak in his eyes?

"Aw, and why not, little Matchstick?" A devilish grin spread over the burnt face, stables keeping the two pieces together as one, "Whose going to stop me? You?"

"Yes!" The quiver in your voice alerted to how scared you actually were. Just remember Mirio and Tamaki. Remember how brave they were. You wanted to be just like them and this was the perfect time to do that. They wouldn't run when people were in danger. Even if they were scared, they would go running towards the danger because they were true heroes. Mirio had saved Eri and Tamaki had protected Kirishima more times than you could count. Your heart was telling you to run as it pumped quickly but your feet were planted as if held by concrete. You wanted to be like them.

You wanted to be like your dad.

"What do you even want?" You continued, hoping to distract the man just long enough for the heroes to make their way here. Maybe Hawks would be the first to arrive. He did have his wings. Perhaps your father could use his flames as he had when fighting the nomu. It didn't matter who the hero was as long as they got there as fast as possible. You would even take Mount Lady, a hero who you had a hard time dealing with.

"What do I want? I want what every man wants!" His arms extended as his trenchcoat billowed around him, a crazed look on his face. Fire surrounded the two of you, catching anything that it could on fire. You could see why the bottom was as tattered as it was as the fire singed the fabric, but if Dabi cared, he didn't show it.

The man walked closer to you but you kept yourself in a defensive position. You couldn't run, you could end up leading him right to the majority of panicked citizens who were trying to evacuate. The best course of action, even if it meant you could end up getting hurt, was to stay right where you were. You wanted to be a hero. You were a hero! No matter how your father acted, you were a hero. How many nights had you stayed up late, practicing to control your quirk for moments like this? All you really wanted was for your father to finally see how strong you could be.

Ten minutes.

Before you knew what was happening, you felt your back hit a hard chest and a hand much larger than your own wrap around your neck. No matter how you struggled, Dabi kept you from escaping with the force he was pressing against your neck. The other hand gripped your chin, forcing you to look up at your assailant. There was a crazed look in his eyes that were as blue as his flames. It made tears well up in your eyes from fear.

The edges of your vision were beginning to blur with the lack of oxygen. Just before you felt your legs begin to give out, the man loosened his grip just enough for you to gasp at the air around you. Coughs filled the air as you dealt with the lack of oxygen as well as smoke that was staining anything it could.

"Revenge. That's what I want." His lips whispered next to your ear, causing a chill to run up your spine. This wouldn't be the first time a villain wanted revenge and it wouldn't be the last time. You used all the force you could muster and kicked the villain in the shin.

This seemed to work as he let you go, but it wasn't for long. He snatched your wrists in one hand while the other went back to its place on your neck. This time he only used enough force to keep you from breathing comfortably. This was starting to look worse and worse for you with each passing moment. Still, you just had to remember heroes were on the way. They would save you.

"And you, my Little Matchstick, are perfect for my plan."

"Let me go!" Your shrill voice screamed as you felt the flames burst around your wrists, using your own quirk now. A grunt of pain and some mumbled cursing escaped Dabi but instead of losing his grip, you felt a searing pain spread over your own skin. The pain caused you to lose concentration of your quirk, all too focused on the blue flames that the man emitted from his hands. For a split moment, the two of your flames seemed to dance around each other and turn the light a purple like Dabi's scars.

The hand at your wrists lit up like a beacon as Dabi's quirk began to come out. Screams would have escaped your lips if not for the hand constricting your breathing which was now burning your neck as well. All you could see was white as the worst pain you had ever felt kept you writhing. The flames began to creep down your arm, spreading towards your body. The hand on your neck reminded you more of an iron as there were no actual flames appearing. Some sick version of a human cattle prod. His hand print would be scarred over your neck, a permanent reminder of this night.

The next thing you could remember, you were slumped on the ground like dirty laundry. The world around you was spinning. It was beginning to darken in a mixture of you losing consciousness and smoke as the seconds ticked by. Tears streamed down your face from the pain and ash filling the air. A horrid smell wafted around and you feared that was coming from you.

"Come now, the heroes aren't going to save you. They always break their promises, just like villains. Hell, I couldn't tell you how many promises I've broken in this day alone! Heros and villains are one and the same when it comes down to it! The only difference is that villains are seen as a disgrace while heroes are praised for doing publicity stunts!"

Five minutes.

Dabi's boot came crashing down on your throat, pushing as hard as he could. You could feel the heat of life begin to diminish with each passing moment you lacked oxygen. Shouts in the distance could be heard, the heroes were almost here. Yet, they wouldn't be here soon enough. They wouldn't be here to save you. Was this really how you were going to die?

One particular loud shout registered as your father and for once, you felt grateful that he was around. He didn't even know you were here, you hadn't told him where you had gone after school. Would he be moving faster if he knew you were there? If anyone could save you, it would be him. You wanted to feel his arms wrap around you, holding you and making you feel safe one more time. He could save you.

Or at least he could be here as you died.

"Poor Little Todoroki, it seems like you are going to just miss out on the fun." The rest of the world was blurring and disappearing into the growing darkness, leaving the fire illuminated Dabi as the only thing visible.

With a smirk illuminated by the sharp blue flames, you stared up at the eyes that would be the last thing you would ever see. They were eyes that seemed so familiar to you. They were...your father's eyes. No, not your father's. That wouldn't make sense, you weren't hallucinating. No, they were eyes filled with the flames you had only seen in two people before. These were the eyes of the one who had cared for you the most once upon a time. How had it come to this? How could it be true? He wouldn't hurt you but as you lay dying at his feet, you knew there was no denying it.

"Dad isn't going to like this, now is he?"

They were Touya's.

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