#((especially when you were conditioned for a majority of your life to hate yourself))

[celestial-narwhal]

On Stereotypes and Aventurine

Gotta get this out of the way before I start using my Aventurine more because it is an important part of how I will play his character.

Aventurine is rarely ever genuine. He plays to the role people expect him to be, or to the role that will get him the best cards in the deck. If people expect him to be a flirt, he will flirt. If people expect him to be frail and naive, he will be frail and naive. If people expect him to be intimidating and a threat, he will be a threat.

He is a social chameleon, and no, it is not because he is Sigonian, but because he grew up in an environment that forced him to be like this.

Stereotyping will always have a profound effect on a developing person, and when a child grows up hearing that they are scheming, untrustworthy, and manipulative without any other lens to say otherwise, it is highly likely that they will grow into said lens. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There must be a reason people look at them and assume so, after all. Their words must be true. Why would the majority say so otherwise?

So, just as a child who's been reminded constantly that they are bad, Aventurine became "bad".

It's tiring to a waste your breath and prove otherwise. Especially without a community left to uplift and support you. To remind you that you are more that what people assume you to be. A person. A person who's culture is fated to be written over by the winners of a war, and those who held grudges against them.

"Aventurine" plays up to stereotypes, because that is what got him to where he is now, and is what everyone told him he had to be. It keeps people at arm's length, keeping them far, far away from █████████.

█████████ can't be hurt anymore if he doesn't come up to the surface, after all.

#AventurescentReflections (Aventurine HCs) #InclusionsofGold (Aventurine) #((me ringing my thematic racism in Aventurine's story bell)) #((They write it well and it hits a lot of personal notes for me as someone who has been at the receiving end of many many stereotypes)) #((If anyone calls Aventurine weak for not standing up for himself when such shit happens i will smite you)) #((imagine being the only person left of your entire culture and having to defend it on your own)) #((after years and years of systematic abuse)) #((It's not as simple as you would think)) #((especially when you were conditioned for a majority of your life to hate yourself)) #((survival's guilt is a nasty disease and Aventurine is barely keeping himself above the surface))

[mysticmunson]

I really wanna pov where fem!reader comes to his van beat up and Protective boyfriend Eddie mode kicks in 🫶

thank you for the request, my love! sorry this took a moment to answer, i changed what i wrote after being halfway done, but i hope you enjoy! continue to send in request if you please! :) feedback is encouraged

warnings: cursing, violence, (message me if i missed anything)

word count: 1.7K

It was a dumb idea to take the short way home.

You walked swiftly, Billy Joel blasting through your headphones while fiddling with the small walkman. Finding yourself enchanted by the Piano Man and the scenery of the forest, you didn’t hear the yells coming from the approaching car filled with boys from school who happened to hate your boyfriend. 

While Eddie Munson had been nothing but a fantastic partner, his edgy persona made him off putting to the straight lace majority of the senior class. Especially the athletes. Most convinced themselves he was sent personally from the devil to terrorize them, they made it their mission to make his life worse, which lead them to you. 

“Hey! We’re talking to you, bitch!” A male voice rang in your ears, causing you to halt your movements and turn off your tape. Your eyes met Jason Carver’s, his mouth in a sadistic smile as he hopped from the Pontiac driven by a fellow member of his clique. You had chosen to ignore them in school, knowing anything you did would simply antagonize them than do any good. He stepped closer with two other boys following suit. 

“Since I don’t think you heard, let me repeat myself, I know your boyfriend is up to some shady shit. Either you spill and run or we take matters into our own hands to figure it out.” He stated, feeling cornered by the men who had a solid foot on you, feeling smaller by the minute. You took a deep breath, contemplating your ways out while protecting you and your man. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Eddie doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.”

That was not the right answer.

The next thing you knew, you were pressed against a tree before falling to the ground as they threw punches wherever they could reach. The only words leaving their lips was taunting you to tell the truth, which you had already said, it just wasn’t the truth they wanted. As kicks and hands came in contact, you could’ve sworn they could’ve killed you, they only ran when you heard two shrill boy voices. They ran to the car, cursing and speeding off, leaving you in a small pool of blood and math notes from your spilled bag. Squinting at the sun, you tried moving to no avail before the voices appeared above you; Dustin and Mike. 

You had met the two before through Hellfire, knowing they were awkward, well meaning kids and it relieved you to see them. Their voices sound muffled as they sat you up, “Shit, are you okay? Should we get Eddie?” Dustin said, pulling you from your dazed state as you groaned, clutching your ribs and shaking your head. “Just help me home, please.” 

You realized the walk to your house was much too far in your condition, opting for Eddie’s trailer that was only about a quarter of a mile away knowing that would even be a stretch. The boys stood under your arms, helping you walk as they asked you questions about what caused this, getting more riled up with each step. Your head ached, needing a minute to breathe and spit up a bit of blood, which didn’t help soothe the boys' worry, but you just needed to get home. As you got closer to your destination, the pain worsened, tears springing from your eyes as you tumbled over your shaking feet, thanking God you didn’t fall and make things worse. Eddie’s trailer entered the boys’ vision, your head hanging low, where they saw his tall frame smoking a cigarette. They began yelling, your ears ringing from the noise, but alerting your now worried boyfriend. 

He wasn’t close enough to realize who it was, but all he saw was them carrying a practically limp body to his house, which was not a great sign. His eyes hit the shirt he saw you wearing today, now covered in splotches of blood. His stomach dropped as he sped up, “Guys, what happened- I’m here, sweetheart, it’s okay.” He began yelling as your body weakly met his without assistance, clutching you to his chest. The cries finally escaped your throat, the pain both mentally and physically, collapsing on top of you. Looking at your distraught face made him nauseous, lifting you up to carry you inside with the boys holding her bags. 

“Eds” You whimpered, face tucked into his neck as he reassured you, “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He opened his door, walking to his couch and kicking off the miscellaneous papers, previous to laying you down. He stroked your face, catching the tears mixed with blood, your eyes yet to open. He asked the younger boys what had happened, keeping his tone as controlled as possible to not upset you, grabbing towels and bandaids. He slowly began cleaning your skin, seeing the bruises begin to blossom while his anger rose. 

“It was that shithead Jason and his annoying friends! We were walking home and just saw them beating the shit out of her-” The words leaving Dustin's mouth made you whimper, flinching as Eddie cooed and kissed your head. “Sorry, she was in pretty bad shape, they only ran cause we started screaming. They must have not recognized our voices from where we were.” Mike finished, watching his mentor’s hand clench the once white rag now tainted pink. “I’m gonna fucking kill him.” 

Your eyes slowly opened, attempting to sit up before being gently laid back down by a ring clad hand. “Eddie, please don’t, you know it’ll just cause more trouble.” You begged, not even wanting to imagine how they would treat him if he even touched a hair on precious Jason’s head, he knew that deep down too. But looking at your face in pain made him not care if he ended up in your place or even worse, he would change your place in a heartbeat. He didn’t want to upset you though, especially in your state, he took a deep breath. 

“Step outside while I get her changed, get the other guys over here.” He mumbled, lifting you to bring to his petite bathroom, grabbing your extra set of clothes you kept in case of an emergency. As he pulled your heavy shirt up, he gulped at your front now covered in bruises, “Oh baby, what did they do to you.” You began gaining more awareness as he cleaned, whimpering at too much movement from certain angles. You called his name with a pule, pressing his lips to yours, freezing a moment before returning the affection. “I love you.”

He helped you walk to his bed, setting you down to rest as comfortably as possible and tucked you in. Kissing your head, Eddie turned off the lights and shut the door, walking outside his trailer to see the rest of Hellfire there. If there was one thing about Hellfire, it was that they stuck together, despite you not being an official member. They stared at him, waiting for his eventual outburst of anger, but he remained cold. He had to stay as level headed as possible, for your sake. “Jason and his idiot friends are probably at that house party on the north of town tonight, we have to take care of this on our own.” He stated, the boys nodding and murmurs of agreement, “Gareth, you stay here in case she needs anything.” While Gareth would’ve typically complained that the younger boys were included and not him, he knew his job was just as important after hearing about your state. 

“What are we gonna do, man? We can’t just walk in there and fight him.” Lucas asked, making a sadistic smile appear on the older man's mouth, “I know, but we can do the closest thing.”

—-

 Eddie, Mike, Dustin, Lucas and Jeff approached the same Pontiac that had driven by you hours previously, the boys testifying it was the one that sped away. Each of their right hands clenched a bat, each standing in front of a window. Eddie at the head, Mike and Dustin on the right, with Lucas and Jeff on the left. The sets of eyes looked back and forth at each other, nodding before lifting them up with both hands. They slammed the barrel of the bat into the glass, hearing it shatter loudly before sprinting back into the woods and not looking back. The noise-filled house gave them time to run back to the trailer, throwing the bats into an abandoned shack Eddie often smoked in, knowing no one would step foot there. Once they made it back safely, he thanked them for their help, sending them on their way. He walked inside, taking a quick shower to decompress from the day behind him. He wishes he could’ve done more, could’ve beat those boys to the point of being unrecognizable. But he knew you wouldn’t have wanted that for you or him. He re-entered his room to meet your eyes, staring at him from his pillow, “Why are you up, bunny?”

“I kept having nightmares. Eds, you didn’t hurt him, did you?” You whispered as he slid next to you under the covers, he shook his head, making you relax. You laid in silence, cuddling into his warm and damp chest, tracing his tattoos. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.” He choked up, tears lining his eyes as he held you closer, giving you an opportunity to console him. 

“You couldn’t have predicted this, baby. I know if you were there, you would’ve helped me. Please don’t beat yourself up about it, okay?” Your muffled voice said, kissing his chest as he shifted, making more room for your body to mold to his. He didn’t let go the whole night, doting on you for anything you needed. He was attentive, never making you lift a finger until you felt ready to, becoming slightly more overprotective than normal. Once you both made it back to school, whispers of Jason’s ruined Pontiac circled and how he cried at the state of his daddy’s car. You couldn’t help but smile at his frustrations the following week, his eyes not daring to meet yours. So while the aches and pains persisted, your bond with Eddie grew and proved how much you both cared for each other. 

But you still wished you had been coherent enough to break that bastard's car windows yourself.

#elora writes #eddie munson #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fic #writing #stranger things season four #stranger things s4 #steve stranger things #stranger things season 4 #eddie stranger things #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson writing #stranger things fanfiction

[yr-obedt-cicero]

Hi Cicero,

This isn't a history ask but just some personal advice. I've noticed you often share how you are neurodivergent, and I was wondering how you knew. My friends often tell me I seem neurodivergent but I don't really know what it means. Whenever I try doing research I just end up more confused. They say it's because of my odd habits and quirks but when I ask what they're referring to they won't tell me so I don't know what it is. The reason I ask is because you remind me a lot of myself and I don't know anyone irl who is neurodivergent. I entirely understand if you aren't comfortable answering this ask.

Hey, Anon.

I'm definitely not an expert in this field, nor a psychiatrist, but I can try my best to give some insight simply as someone with experience. Neurodivergent is an umbrella and nonmedical term for those whose brains cognetically develop or work differently due to mental conditions, and it differs depending on the diagnosis. Which means they have varying strengths and challenges than people whose brains do not differ in this way—which is what is commonly called, being neurotypical. Medical disorders, learning disabilities, and other conditions are examples of possible differences. Many conditions, or even spectrums, fall under this term, like; the Autism spectrum, ADHD, down syndrome, dyslexia, tourette's, etc, etc. But they are different from, although can still include symptoms of chronic mental-health illnesses. Like, bipolar, obsessive-compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, and depression.

I'd suggest reaching out to a doctor, but if the option is unavailable there is plenty of research the internet has to offer (Just be wary of misconceptions or misinformation, and avoid Reddit). In my experience, ever since I was a child my odd and noticable traits were always prevalent, and - similar to your own case - they were often picked out by others or friends. Which made it all the more easier to assess as I got older because I became more self-aware and realized many of my traits were not the same as everyone else's around me. I always had odd habits or forms of doing things, and hated slight changes. I got overwhelmed easy, especially with textures, surroundings, and noise. My motivation was easy to deplete or skyrocket at different times. In my case, it was easy to identify as I got older, especially since oftentimes it is inhereditary. My father had ADHD, my mother has plenty else, and the doctors had forewarned my parents it was likely and noticable that at least a majority of their kids had inherited these.

It has all greatly affected my life, through being excluded, struggling to maintain basic tasks, or even basic activities like socializing. But in the end, what's important is finding your own way of living and doing things that makes the best you, and makes you happy. These are all often spectrums and not everyone is going to have the same case or experience as yourself, somethings won't help you as they may help others and vice versa. Find solutions to whatever may be greatly affecting you, soundproof headphones for over-stimulation, timers and reminders for forgetfulness or procrastination, healthy and small foods on hand in case of hunger-boredom. Regardless, you are you, even if some consider you “high maintenance” or “strange”. What's most important is finding what makes you happy and find life worth living. Explore yourself and your routines, see what helps. You are just as deserving of human respect and care as anyone else.

#queries #sincerely anonymous #not history #This is as personal as I'm getting here but I wanted to do what I could to help. even if it's very little

[klvbxlove]

worried (yu x gn! reader)

a/n: God, i’ve got so many ideas for persona 4 fanfics so y’all might see some coming soon LMAO. but no worries, i’ll try my best to write more iida drabbles as well (of course, i could never forget my number one anime husbando. but i’ll be honest, kanji might take his place very soon? maybe? huehuehue). anyways, i saw some persona 4 requests in my inbox (which i did not expect, haha), but i’ll try my best to get to them whenever possible! so until then, enjoy this yu drabble :)

reader type: gender neutral 

reader specification(s): none

genre(s): angst, hurt/comfort

trigger warning(s): mentions of car accidents, mentions of injuries

summary: after being a coma from a car accident, you finally woke up, much to the huge relief of your family and friends, especially yu.

word count: 2.6k words

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

key:

(e/c) = eye color (l/n) = last name (y/n) = your name

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

   Today should have been another day of you and the Investigation Team hanging out with Yu. He had come back to Inaba a few days ago for another (surprisingly long) break, and you were excited to see him again. 

   But unfortunately, no. That day did not happen. 

   Instead, you found yourself in a hospital room. You had woken up almost a week ago, having no idea what had happened. All you remembered is that as soon as you got the strength to sit up from your hospital bed, you felt nothing but excruciating pain. And when you looked down at your body, your (E/C) eyes widened at the extent of your injuries. You were in terrible condition. 

   Then a few minutes later, the nurses and doctors rushed into your room in complete shock when they realized you woke up. At first, you were confused. But then they explained everything. From what you could recall, you were hanging out with your friends when you saw Yu’s younger cousin, Nanako, standing in the road. Realizing there was a car heading towards her, your instincts caught up with you, and you quickly pushed the younger girl out of the way, which ultimately resulted in you getting hit. 

   Unfortunately, the impact was so severe that you had slipped into a coma. Even with the surgery (which luckily was a success), you were still fighting for your life. The staff had no idea if you would even wake up. 

   Your eyes widened in shock. However, the one thing that made your shock worse was when one of the doctors said that there was a chance you would have died due to the severity of your injuries. “Consider yourself lucky,” one of the doctors said, “Because if not, well, there would not be much we could have done to save you,”

   You were in disbelief. You could have died?!

   WHAT THE HELL?!

   You swear, you almost thought your jaw dropped. You did not even know how long you laid there in bed, thinking of the word ‘died.’ 

   D-I-E-D.

   There was nothing but silence (you could almost hear a pin drop) for a few minutes after taking in the news. 

   Then you heard that your family and friends knew of the accident and you would be able to have visitors in a few days. But all you could do was think about how injured you were. It was bad enough that you were in this condition. However, you could not wrap your brain around the fact that you might have been dead. 

   And then your family would have to set up a funeral for you, bury your body underground, and you would be there until the end of time. 

   Maybe you would even have a spirit in whatever place you ended up after death. 

   Oh God, you could not even think to imagine how your family and friends would react. Especially the Investigation Team--

   Wait a minute. The Investigation Team! 

   Now the worry was starting to kick in. You just realized that you have not heard from your friends since you woke up. Not at least one thing from one of the members (and nothing from Nanako either!). You had no idea if anyone had told them what happened to you when you arrived or the fact that you were alive. Hell, you would not be surprised if they thought you were still in a coma and would be for who knows how long. 

   You sighed, the apprehension still in you. Today was certainly not your day. You just wanted to be able to hang out with Yu again before he had to go back to Tokyo (even though it was a long way from now). But you had no idea when you would be able to leave the hospital! Not for a while, that was for sure. You might as well try to dwell in pure boredom. 

  Oh yeah, and also try to ignore the pain. You might have felt slightly better for the past few days, but the agony was still shooting in almost every part of your body. You could only hope that all of this will be over soon. And then later, when you were finally feeling better, you would be back home with your family.

-

   “(L/N)?”

   You were in the middle of messing with your bedsheets when you heard your name. Looking up, you saw one of the nurses giving you a small smile as she stood next to your bed. You did not even remember hearing her walk towards you. I guess you got a little too caught up with your bedsheets. “How are you feeling now, sweetheart? Any more pain or anything?”

   You looked off to steal a glance at one of the hospital walls. The pain was still there, but it was not bothering you compared to the day you woke up. You could say that you were fine (mostly), but you could not find the strength to tell the nurse for some reason. No, you did not care that you looked like you were  staring off into the distance pondering about life. 

   “(L/N)? Are you alright?”

   The voice brought you back to reality, and you saw the nurse looking at you with a somewhat concerned look on her face. 

   “Oh, sorry. I’m fine, for now,” you said,  “No pain or anything,”

   “Alright,” the nurse smiled in relief. “I know the staff and I keep telling you this so many times, but if you begin to feel pain or need any assistance, you let someone know, okay?” 

   “I know, thank you,” you nodded. 

   “Of course,” the nurse looked over at the door, “Now, you got a visitor who wants to see you. Well, he and a couple of his other friends wanted to see you for a while. We had to tell them no since you were still in a coma at the time, but they were determined to go to your room,” she chuckled sheepishly. 

   “Who is it?” you asked. The last time you knew, your family members had visited first. 

   “Yu Narukami, one of your classmates,” the nurse answered. “Would you like me to let him in?”

   You blinked before nodding. “Yeah, sure,”

   It was only a few seconds of silence you faced in your hospital room. During that timespan, you began to feel nervous about your friend being in the same room as you without the Investigation Team (wherever they were). Your heart was almost beating at the thought of it, and you could feel a blush on your cheeks; if you were capable of blushing, that is. 

   But before you knew it, you instantly recognized the familiar gray-haired male as he walked inside. 

   Upon his eyes glancing upon you, Yu’s eyes widened. “(Y-Y/N),” he said, “You’re awake.”

   You nodded, giving him a weak smile and waving with your free hand. “Yep, I am.” 

   Yu walked over to sit at the chair next to your bed. “How have you been lately?”

   “Slightly better compared to when I woke up, but only slightly,” you replied honestly. “Still feeling some pain. Hopefully, when I get out of the hospital, I’ll feel much better.” 

   “That’s good to hear,” Yu gave you a small smile.

   Then you paused. “How about the others? Are they okay?--” And of course, there was another person you were worried about, “--What about Nanako? Is she hurt?”

   “No need to worry, everyone is alright, just a bit shook up after the incident, though,” Yu said, letting out a light chuckle. “Nanako only had some bruises on her legs when you pushed her out of the way, but that was only it. Everyone would have come to visit you alongside me today, but they got busy. And Nanako came down with some sickness. Not the flu or anything major, but we decided to let her rest until she recovers. They promised they would find the time to visit you when they can.”

   You sighed in relief. “At least no one else was hurt. As much as I hate being in the hospital in pain, it’s better than seeing Nanako here for the same reason. I think that would hurt more than my injuries, and they hurt like hell, you know?”

   “But being treated for severe injuries in the hospital is still frightening, (Y/N),” Yu pointed out, “Everyone watched as you got hit by the car. It was awful, you know? You were bleeding so much from your head, too.” The gray-haired male felt like he was about to wince in pain, seeing the injuries you had. 

   “Yeah, I honestly dunno much of what happened after getting hit, other than feeling immense pain,” you admitted, scratching your cheek, “I could only hear muffled voices, but that was it. And then I just closed my eyes. Must have slipped into that coma or something afterward.”

   “Maybe you did.” 

   Moments of silence passed, and Yu felt a knot in his stomach. It had been like that for almost a week. Every time he would think of you in your hospital room in a coma, he would have to go somewhere else alone to relieve his thoughts. But even then, it still was not enough to help him. How could he even talk about his feelings to someone? Yu was aware he had the other members on the Investigation Team to talk to, but he could see them struggling. 

   There was only one person he could talk to about it.

   “(Y/N), I-- Listen,” Yu spoke up in seriousness. Once you looked up at him after staring at your cast, he continued, “I have no idea how else I’m going to begin talking about this. But do you realize how happy I-- no, we are that you’re alive?”

   Huh?

   Okay, that took me off guard.

   You had to admit you were puzzled. How were you supposed to answer that? It was not as if you could put yourself in the shoes of one of your friends. You did not even know what it was like to wait for someone to come out of their coma. So really, you could only shrug at his question. 

   “I remembered when the nurses told us you slipped into a coma and you would need surgery," Yu continued, "God, we were just in shock. No one said anything; you could hear a pin drop in the waiting room. But as soon as they left us alone, we just started crying, you know. Silently, though. But Teddie was the only one wailing.

   “And Nanako?” Yu paused a bit before picking back up, “Well, at first, she looked like she was trying to hold back her tears. That is until we went back to my house. She just started sobbing, saying how it was her fault that you were hurt. She blamed herself for being on the road since she knew it was dangerous. Of course, we kept telling her that it wasn’t her fault, but it was no help. Not even Uncle was able to calm Nanako down, and so she just cried until she fell asleep.”

   If your heart could physically break, it might as well be in a million pieces by now. Your injuries were suddenly hurting way less than seeing Nanako sobbing.

   Meanwhile, Yu looked down at his lap as he felt himself about to shake. “It hurts so much just seeing her upset. And Nanako still blames herself to this day. By that point, it felt like there was not anything else the rest of us could do other than to dwell in sadness. We even had to wait to visit you at the time since the nurses wouldn’t allow any visitors. I just hated not knowing if you were going to live. I hated thinking that there was a chance you would die.”

   Something caught your eyes. 

   Teardrops. 

   They were coming out of his eyes and falling onto his lap. 

   You could even hear small cries coming from him. 

   Oh God, no.

   Why did this hurt a lot?

   “DAMN IT!” 

   You felt yourself jump hearing Yu yell out like that. But what startled you most (it made a squeal come out of you) was when the gray-haired male suddenly engulfed you into a warm hug. The grip was not tight enough to where you could not breathe, but you could tell he was holding onto you as if you were going to slip out of his reach. Yu rested his head against your shoulder, and you were beginning to feel tears staining your hospital gown. It did not even matter that there were butterflies in your stomach. 

   “D-Damn it, (Y/N),” you heard his voice almost cracking,  “You gave us a scare there! I know it would be rude to blame you for getting into that accident since you weren’t asking to get hit by a car. And, of course, I am incredibly thankful that you saved Nanako from getting hurt. But still! I could go over and over again about how relieved we were when we heard you had woken up. We thought it would never happen and that you would never make it.” 

   “Yu...” 

   You felt tears in the corners of your eyes. Damn, you were getting emotional. If there was one thing you hated, it was seeing someone close to you (especially if it was someone you loved) so upset that they cried. And that was what Yu was doing. So you wrapped your arms around him and rubbed his back. His grip on you tightened, but you did not care. All you wanted was for him to let out his tears. 

   Once his cries had turned into sniffles, he lifted his head to make eye contact with you. You could feel your tears pouring out just seeing his tears. You cupped his cheeks with your hands.

   “I’m sorry about that, (Y/N),” Yu mumbled. 

   “No need for an apology,” you assured him. “I know how you-- no, I know I’ll never fully understand what it was like for you guys after the car accident. I mean, how could I? But still, I had no intention of scaring you guys.”

   More silence passed. God, you had no idea what to say at that point. You had no idea how your other friends had been coping through this time, but it was evident there were tears shed. Besides Nanako, you did not even want to imagine their disheartened faces. You knew that you had to comfort Yu in some way. But how?

   You sighed.

   Saying this might as well work. 

   “Look...Yu, listen to me,” you found your voice as you looked into his eyes. “I know you and the others are still upset. I get it. But please don’t go dwelling on the past anymore, okay? Yes, it was a scary situation that should NOT have happened-- it sucked that it even occurred right when you were visiting us --but in the end, I’m alright. Of course, it will take a while for me to recover, but I will do my best to get through this as quickly as possible for you and everyone else.

   “So please,” your thumbs began to gently wipe at Yu’s on pouring tears, “don’t cry anymore. I promise you I’ll be alright.” 

   That was when a sudden bolt of bravery came from inside you. So you leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek.

   You spoke every word as if you meant it (because you did!). You no longer wanted to be a burden to everyone around you. You worried your family and friends enough in the hospital, so the least you could do was make it through your recovery. All you could hope was for Yu to be reassured by everything you said. 

   And thankfully, it worked as he gave you a nod and a tearful smile (you could almost see a light blush covering his cheeks from the kiss). Yu hugged you again, placing his forehead against your shoulder. “Thank you, (Y/N),” he mumbled, “Thank you so much,” 

   “You’re welcome,” you whispered.

#persona 4 #persona #persona 4 x reader #persona 4 imagines #persona imagines #yu narukami #fanfiction #persona 4 golden #p4g #yu narukami x reader #oneshot #gn reader #x reader #kristin's writings

[thefanficmonster]

Just Another One

Sequel to: ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’

Corpse Husband x Actress!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak, Mention of bad past relationships, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: They keep proving each other right in the most wrong ways possible. They each want to be guarded even if that means the other will be hurt. Maybe that’s what they want - to hurt one another because they’ve already hurt each other once before.

Requested by the lovely readers who enjoyed the previous fic ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’. Sorry for the large time gap between the posting of the two fics but I still hope you guys will take the time to read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love you all with all my heart, Vy ❤

When you go out of your way to avoid leaving the house your options of entertainment are severely limited and you can’t blame anyone or anything but yourself for it. Today, I wouldn’t have gone out of my apartment even if I was one of those people who frequent the outdoors seeing as how the sky is trying to flood the Earth with all this nonstop rain. It does set a mood for a perfect night in but when you spend all your nights in doing the same thing over and over again, the atmosphere is practically meaningless. And so I ‘ve decided to resort to channel surfing as though I’ll find something interesting on TV that I haven’t yet seen on one of my social media timelines.

I pass several cooking channels on my journey, making a mental note of their individual numbers in case I don’t stumble across anything capable of better distracting me from my boredom and loneliness that’s slowly starting to creep in. I pass by a few movie channels showing teenage romcoms as if to celebrate the start of summer so you can imagine how quickly I moved on from those. Then come the celebrity channels which can often get a laugh out of me because of how pathetic and unbelievably ridiculous they are. And so, I stick around one where there’s a broadcast on a movie showing that’s happening tonight in LA. Oddly enough, despite my anxiety, going to a movie showing has always been on my list of things I’d want to do. This can be considered living vicariously or rubbing salt into the wound that I’ll probably never go because my anxiety and fear of being recognized is too severe. Either way I stick around to watch it.

And man do I regret it now looking at several different angels of a couple of actors entering the venue where they are to be photographed and asked questions by the mob of paparazzi that’s gathered due to the massive event. That in and of itself doesn’t sound - and really isn’t - so bad. However, it’s important to note that the actress in this duo is Y/N. Y/N L/N. My Y/N....shit, sorry, I mean my FRIEND Y/N, her arm linked with whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is who is holding an umbrella above the both of them, shielding them from the downpour of rain that is also taking place in LA apparently.

“The two were seen entering the venue earlier this evening, looking particularly cozy in each other’s presence if I do say so myself. The rain probably worked nicely in their favor.“ The first reporter says, her teasing tone of voice sending chills of anger down my spine as I glare at the screen, hands balled in fists, jaw clenched - all my body’s instinctive reactions to what is being shown to me. I know I technically have no right to behave or feel this way, in fact I should be fucking happy for Y/N and her successful career and the progress in her love life. But damn it how can I?! I was so damn close to kissing this girl! I was so fucking close to falling in another trap, tripping and landing in the embrace of another liar and user, another girl who switches partners more often than shoes. How could I’ve been so reckless to get so close to her even platonically? How did we become close enough for me to 1) show her my face; 2) start inviting her over to my apartment regularly; and how didn’t I notice the kind of messed up person she was all that time.

She was all sweet and flirting and shit a week or so ago and now she’s doing the exact same thing with him! The cameras are capturing them perfectly: every laugh, every exchange of a knowing look or nod, ever smack to his arm when he tells a joke. But what bothers me most is the many times he’s wrapped his arm around her to pull her closer. Not just for pictures, but just because the fucker felt like it! And Y/N doesn’t seem to mind it at all. 

“They have been the talk of the town recently, so while they could just be adding fuel to the fire, they could also have been caught by the flame and ‘caught feelings’ as they say. Regardless these two are a view we’d like to see more often.“ The other reporter says and that’s the final straw.

In one swift motion I turn the TV off and throw the remote across the room. It hits the wall and falls to the ground in several pieces, broken by the force of the impact. Just like I am broken by the force of the impact of these news. I don’t know which is worse: the fact that I fell for her and almost let her know it; the fact that she’s just another member of the club I don’t want anywhere near my life; or the fact that I can’t believe it.

Yeah that’s right - one foolish part of me refuses to believe that’s she’d do such a thing. I think that’s the same part which is still in awe of her so you can bet I ignore that part the majority of the time.

She is just another one. Not the one. Having been hurt before doesn’t mean she won’t hurt me or anyone else she’s gonna be with. Hurt people hurt people.

And damn has she hurt me, probably without knowing a damn thing. How selfish can you be, Y/N? How selfish can you really get? And how much am I going to allow you to hurt me?

                                                             *  *  *

“Thank you so much, Andrew. I would’ve died on the spot of anxiety if I was on my own.“ I say to my best friend who is currently sitting next to me on a park bench, in a tux, eating a cheeseburger. I too am still in my gown and am also gorging on a cheeseburger of my own.

“Don’t mention it. Us anxious people need to stick together.“ He bumps his shoulder against mine, stealing a small genuine smile from me, “Plus I couldn’t not come with you. You know how much I like a good rumor.“

I scoff, “Of course you do, but then again there was no need to add to what the media has already made a whole-ass ship out of.” I roll my eyes and take another bite. My appetite hasn’t been in its best condition so I’m only eating this under Andrew’s orders. I have no idea how people can ship us romantically, he’s the definition of an older - and very bossy - brother to me. I wish I could tell each and every single one of those girls who hate me because I’ve ‘stolen their man’ that I’d most likely be their sister in law rather than man snatcher, seeing as how my relationship with Andrew is so sibling-like.

That’s because we’re too alike, no one gets that. People play the ‘opposites attract’ car more often than I consider rational. But  then again when they see a couple like Andrew and I - who are basically the same person in different bodies - they suddenly think we’re super compatible. Trust me, we’re not. And everyone who’s been on set with us will tell you the same.

“What can I say...“ he shrugs, smirking at me, “I like the fun. I bet Becca doesn’t though.“

I can’t help but huff. Andrew is the only one I’ve ever openly expressed my frustrations with Rebecca to. He was super helpful on the subject, seeing as how he can relate - many partners of his have tried to use him, some of which even succeeded. He’s more than qualified to school me on the topic but it turned more into sharing bad experiences. One of which was that instance back at Corpse’s apartment.

“And neither does Corpse I suppose.“ As though he’s read my mind, he pokes the hurt spot, pouring salt in the wound causing me to visibly cringe as though the pain was physical - because it was, I felt it in my chest and in my gut, a sharp stab of guilt and regret. 

Why did I let it come to that? Why did I let us get so close? How did I not think of the consequences?

“I don’t care if he does or doesn’t.“ My hand automatically reaches for the pocket of the jeans I’m not even wearing in search of a cigarette. Not that I’d be able to light one even if I had them on me - Andrew would smack it out of my hand before I could even take a single puff.

He has the audacity to laugh, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/N.”

That’s all he needs to say really - that’s enough to make me feel seen and understood. Though that’s not always a good thing. I often times wish he couldn’t read me so well. Better said: I wish I didn’t let myself be so readable, you know. I’m just glad he’s the one who sees me because if it were anyone else they’d use this vulnerability of mine against me. I’m well aware that it’s a weakness, a really inconvenient one, but damn it I can’t get rid of it. I feel like I’ll be less human if I lose it. Everyone’s allowed to be vulnerable, some just are lucky enough to choose who they’ll be vulnerable around. I’m lucky enough to to have a choice, not so lucky in the people I choose to trust. Guess that’s not a luck thing, it’s just my inability to decipher whether a person is worth all the pain and torture of coming clean to them or not. So far many people have burnt me but two stick out in particular - Becca and Corpse. Corpse especially, which is the odd thing considering he hasn’t even wronged me in any way. At least not yet.

“Your phone’s vibrating.“ Andrew says, pulling me out of my overflowing head when he hands me my phone which I handed to him because of my dress’ lack of pockets.

“Thanks.“ I mutter through a sigh as I take it from him, checking the notification I’ve gotten.

My stomach drops: it’s a message from Corpse.

“Hey I saw you are in LA but we have a stream tomorrow, will you still be participating?“

Before I can reply, he sends me another message.

“I know you’re probably very busy but we get the most viewership on the streams when you’re in them so....“

I’ve probably been staring at my phone screen for longer than I thought since Andrew felt the need to make sure I was still breathing: “Hey, you ok? You look terribly pale.” I can barely hear him let alone reply. I can’t hear my own thoughts to know what to reply to him. “Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

I’m scaring myself too, Andrew. I’m scared too. I’m scared of how broken my picker has become. I almost kissed this guy! I almost entrusted all my thoughts, hopes, wishes and goals to him! What the fuck was I thinking?! Well, at least I know what he was thinking about - viewership. Likes, subs, views, publicity. The more eyes on the stream the better for him and everyone else. I genuinely want to applaud him, no one has been so direct about using me before. I was in a relationship with Becca for almost a year before I accidentally found out what she had been doing the whole time. No one’s ever smacked me in the face with this much honesty. It’s bittersweet really.

I want to laugh, I want to cry, slap myself across the face, slap him...I want to do so much, but all I can do now is sit in silence and think of how I could be so stupid.

He’s just another one, how did I not see that? How do I never see it until it’s too late? Why is one part of me still screaming: ‘He didn’t mean it like that!’

AND WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO BELIEVE IT?

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[genesisrose74]

Requested by @blanknamed (aka my bestie fr): hihi i saw the matchup and remembered my irl friend sent me these pictures when describing my aesthetic at one point and was wondering if i can have a matchup with someone from dsmp and dr. stone 🥺congrats on 1k too! so proud of you ❤️ you deserve this milestone!

Arielle get over here and let me give you a virtual kiss on the forehead because you’re just the sweetest person to ever grace this earth 😚forgive me for the long wait but i had to put so much into this one because it’s for you!! thank you for always being such a ray of sunshine and for becoming one of my first ever mutuals so long ago — and as a show of my gratitude, i’ll get right into your first pairing, which is going to be with…

I had a literal conflict over this because I think you could be compatible with more than half of the characters in dr. stone (looking at gen specifically), but UGH you and Senku would be so damn iconic together. As much as he’s not intent on becoming romantically involved with anyone, it just so happened that you both had a chance meeting together at the school library — in the modern times pre-petrification, of course. You were looking for a book on the development of radiation powered technology for a history class, and by coincidence Senku was reading the blurb of that very text when you stopped by. When you asked if he’d read it, your classmate simply shook his head and said he just knew a lot about the subject, and soon enough a conversation blossomed from that point.

Y’all talked for two hours. While standing in the same spot. TWO HOURS. And it didn’t even stop there because he realized the time and asked if you wanted to talk more over a bowl of this really good ramen he knew about close by. Senku barely even realized the implications of his offer until much later, since…

He was way too involved in your conversation to notice

He’s never had any interest like that in someone before, let alone has he ever tried asking a person out in general

Everything about you was so interesting to him that he cannot process anything else going on around him and he doesn’t know why

You just feel so different in comparison to his dynamic with anyone else that it throws him off. He’s curious as to why he straightens up when you walk in a room, why everytime you smile at his stupid dry jokes it makes him more confident, why your intrigued questions about his work give him an extra burst of adrenaline. After he comes home late, having fallen asleep in the library while you studied for a test beside him, Byakuya eventually spells it out for Senku in massive bold letters.

No, seriously, he writes it on a whiteboard with a chunky black marker.

“That’s ridiculously far-fetched,” he asserts quickly, trying to push his old man out of the room. “Since when have I ever been interested in anyone in that way?”

“Senku, you waited for her to finish her work. Without complaint.”

And he’s like: oh shit—

But knowing Senku, he still makes some futile attempts to disprove the concept that he could ever be attracted to someone in a romantic sense. Ya know, all that, “science is my only devotion” shit. It lasted for about two weeks, which was the exact amount of time that he tried avoiding you in hopes of seeing if he could in fact continue his routine without your presence next to him.

The bitch still cannot swallow his pride though, so you have to be the one to make the first move — which is about as simple as perfecting Flight of the Bumblebee on a violin. Every time you try bringing it up, it’s like Senku gets a sixth sense about it and is pulled away from you as soon as possible. At some point you just had to corner him in the school lab, hands smacking against the surface of his work table and mouth blurting it out.

“I think we should go on a date.”

He’s kinda impressed at the sheer willpower you displayed in finally getting the question into the air. And as much as he would hate to admit it, some happy nerves shot through his body when it happened. On the outside, though, he simply failed to fight a grin.

“Wanna get food with me tonight?”

And you did :D and it only went good from there. Dates at cafes with comfy chairs and pretty lighting, test runs of new experiments in the middle of the night that Senku calls you to see together, just enjoying the presence of one another in a secluded corner of the libraries you frequent. Even after the disaster that was petrification you’re both side by side, being sarcastic little shits to each other as soon as Senku frees you from the stone; doing new tests to save the world, going on picnics by the river, and constantly being of service to one another.

And then from the c!dsmp, I thought it was only fitting to match you up with…

^^ artwork by SAD-ist on YouTube

Listen, listen: I was considering a more standard/expected approach to this matchup, like maybe c!Wilbur or c!Niki because they’ve both got some major academia vibes. Especially Niki, because damn she’d probably take you to her flower shop and make handmade bouquets for you each day. However, I just think that it would be so perfectly fitting to have you and c!Sapnap together aesthetically. He’s very emotionally driven, always doing something stupid, and he probably hasn’t read a book since L’manburg claimed to be a sovereign nation. Regardless of that fact, he could sit and watch you read a book for hours, even if you didn’t ask him to. Standard case of grounded scholar + impulsive idiot = natural soulmates.

Within the region of the SMP, I imagine you like confining yourself to the libraries filled with ancient texts on the vast history of your home — although taking a visit to Eret’s self-made museum is always a pleasure as well. Niki gets along with you easily enough that you hang out together all the time, and it’s on one such occasion in the early days of L’manburg that Sapnap encounters you for the first time.

Dream had sent him out for scouting duty (which to Sapnap translates into, ‘be annoying to everyone within the walls’), and he’d taken to the edge of the country’s small borders, lounging up high above the trees so that he could see everything below with ease. To his surprise he found you, scribbling away within a ragged old notebook underneath a tree canopy, and wearing the prettiest smile he’d ever seen exist on a person before. You were waiting for your friend to arrive, it seemed, taking the ideas in your head and putting them to paper whilst you sat patiently. He was enraptured with you right away, and as a result he took to teasingly pestering you every chance he could.

Sapnap showed up at least once a week — and when he could, more than that — to slowly learn more about you. He tried staying under the radar of Wilbur when he did, just to make sure none of his endeavors were interfered with or got back to Dream in any capacity. Initially, his presence appeared a pain in your side, but your apprehension ultimately fell at the hands of his ridiculous humor and genuine inquiries as to your likes and dislikes. You knew who he was from the get-go, but it was hard not to find delight in his visits when he made such vigorous attempts to know you.

Although you’re sure he’d already learned it somehow, you told him your name one fateful afternoon, and he’s thought about that moment every day since, marking it as the first day he truly made progress in winning you over.

“You should come up here one day so we can talk normally,” he called out on a particularly overcast fall morning. “Maybe then I can see your face up close.”

You laughed, gazing up at him from the hillside on which you reclined. “You’re ridiculous. That’s not how this relationship works.”

“Mm, relationship? Sounds like you wanna gimme a kiss more than saying anything, hu—ow!”

A pine cone had clipped him in the shoulder harmlessly, chucked with expert aim by your own hand. Despite his surprise, Sapnap couldn’t help smiling.

“If you’re working that hard to twist the narrative and get me up there, how about you just come down instead?”

Without missing a beat the next day, he scaled to the top of the nation’s wall, made his way inside (with very little consideration for his safety), and took your face in his hands.

“You want me to?”

You already knew the implications. “Yeah.”

And he kissed you, then and there. Nice job, Ari!

Navigating a full blown relationship in the conditions y’all were in was not ideal. Sapnap tried everything he could to make sure you were safe, despite his distaste for your mother country and its leaders. After that cleared, though, it was a whole lot easier to be together and figure things out. Sapnap didn’t mind you staying within the walls as much as he initially thought because it reminded him of the first time you met, and so long as he could spend time with you he loved every second. Literally ask this man to do anything with you and he’s in, no matter what it is.

The sheer spontaneous energy Sapnap has inevitably feeds into your own, so while you’re much more contained than the pyromaniac, you have some very notable moments of crazy that are simply unforgettable. It’s honestly super funny to see that infectious life invade your senses, because otherwise you’re a super logical person and love entertaining yourself with the more simplistic things.

You work a lot with Wilbur on record keeping and cartography, but something that you and Sapnap apparently have in common is archery. That pine cone throw was no fluke, and he found that out when you came to visit, a shimmering bow fastened to a stock-full quiver on your back. It’s become a pastime to both ride out into the forest with your horses and practice archery (oftentimes mounted) as a way to let out frustration. If the weather conditions are too abysmal to go and do something outdoors, though, Sapnap likes to fall asleep watching you do methodical work, most commonly with his head in your lap as a fireplace crackles nearby. He’s a huge sucker for that cozy atmosphere, even though he tries to be all tough and badass at other times.

This became a huge ramble because I just think this pairing for you works so well, but I’m praying you get the picture. Sapnap is a flirty, slightly whiny, very protective, and free spirited person whenever you’re around, and he’d do whatever he could to see that pretty smile like the first day you told him your name. He thinks the world of you, and in his eyes your intelligence goes unparalleled.

#genesisrose 1k event #milestone event #matchup event #aesthetic matchup #senku x reader #c!sapnap x reader #dr stone matchups #dsmp matchup

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust Pt.6 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: Y/N finds out more about how the lovedust works and it leads to her realizing her biggest fears about Peter if he’s cured. 

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: There’s a lot going on right now but thank you guys for being so incredibly kind and patient with me. Shit is going to hit the fan real soon with Lovedust so stay tuned! ALSO Don’t forget to leave comments if you guys liked it or hey even if you hated it! ALSO ALSO My taglist is getting pretty big and hectic so if I missed yours, I am VERY sorry pls just message me again so I can add you asap!

Warnings: Mild language, mentions of death and nightmares, slowburn

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six ||

part seven || part eight || epilogue 

As your eyes fluttered open, you gave yourself a minute to adjust to the sound of rain hitting against your bedroom window. You closed your eyes as you inhaled deeply, your arm instinctively reached beside you to touch Peter, only to find that side of the bed empty. 

You opened your eyes again and slowly raised yourself up to turn to see that your prediction was correct and that he wasn’t next to you. You knew it wasn’t a dream, you distinctively remembered him holding you as you fell asleep but you guessed he might’ve left soon after. 

The memories of last night rushed through your head as you felt your heart drop slightly and already, you felt empty so early in the morning. You remembered everything about the nightmare but more importantly, you remembered Peter cradling you like a child as you cried in his arms. 

You couldn’t wrap your head around a single feeling to describe the thoughts in your mind. As every day passed, Peter was showing you more and more how much he truly cared for you, and the thought of him not being able to keep the same energy once he was cured terrified you. 

You loved this new Peter and how kind and compassionate he was around you. It was annoying at first dealing with the cringey pick up lines and weird comments about the two of you getting married but now that you realized there was more to those side effects, you found him even more endearing. 

It was the small things like how he sacrificed the right side of his body so that you could fit under the umbrella perfectly or how he would willingly sit through a horror movie for you even though you both knew how much he hated them. 

You even saw a change in yourself and how you treated him. The other day, you two sat side by side on the couch and shared headphones while listening to the playlist you made for him or when you would tell him a dumb joke just so you could hear him laugh. 

It was selfish to hang onto the idea that Peter would always be this kind to you but you rather savored the moments you two had together since you knew better to know that nothing in life was guaranteed. 

You felt embarrassed that he had seen you so vulnerable, especially since Peter didn’t know what happened to your parents and now, you felt like you owed him an explanation. You looked back at your clock and sighed once you saw that you had already missed the beginning half of school, you thought screw it, you were taking a mental health day. 

“ Is it senior skip day or something?” You looked up to see your dad standing in your doorway with his arms crossed over his chest in a scolding manner but once he saw your dazed expression, he dropped the act,” Y/N? Is everything okay?”

You could feel your throat tighten as you shook your head, refusing to cry again. 

“ Nightmare,” You swallowed to stop yourself from letting anymore sobs from coming out of your mouth as Tony sat next to you and put his hand on your shoulder. 

“ I know kid, I know,” Tony brought you closer to him as you hugged him tightly. 

You had told Tony about your nightmares but he was already well aware on what happened with your parents. You were still pretty young when your parents had passed and you’ve lived most of your life with Tony as a parent but that didn’t mean you weren’t traumatized over what happened years ago. 

Tony had not only given you a good home and had locked down your future, but he was always there to listen and offer help, whether it was from himself or health experts.

“ It was Peter this time,” You said softly as you felt your dad hug you even tighter,” I don’t know why but he was in the nightmare and he-he tried to hurt me...I feel so guilty, I don’t know why he was there but my brain just made him  you know?” 

“ That’s not something you can control Y/N, remember what I said, your brain just picks up on different people-unless he did something. Did he do something to you? Cause I swear-”

“ No, no Dad it was the opposite,” You sighed as you pulled away and bit the inside of your cheek,” I know you told me not to hang out with Peter but...we’ve been getting closer and I think I...I don’t know. All I know was that when he comforted me after my nightmare, I felt the safest I’ve been in a long time….Things are different now. I don’t know what I could say to convince you but please don’t get mad.” 

You looked down at your bedsheets to avoid his gaze and you weren’t sure if he was burning a stern glare at the back of your head or not. 

“ I’m not mad about Peter, I already knew you were seeing him behind my back anyway and I should’ve known you two would’ve pulled some Romeo and Juliet bullcrap. Anyway- You’re strong enough to look after yourself, hell stronger than some of these people living here and if I may speak candidly, I know you could kick his ass if he ever crossed a line,” Your dad said as you let out a small chuckle,” I want you to be safe and happy. I would prefer you feel that way without a boy in the mix but I won’t yuck your yum.”

You wrinkled your nose but you couldn’t help but smirk,” Do you think I’m strong enough to become an Avenger?” 

“ You already are,” Your dad smiled as you inhaled deeply,” but before we get too mushy, I did actually want to talk to you about the other day, you know, about Peter’s health.”

You sat up straighter in your seat as you nodded attentively at him before he continued. 

“ It’s really important that you keep this between you, me and Banner, okay? I’m gonna use some big words so keep up,” You nodded again as you felt your heart beat rapidly against your chest,” you already know this but the lovedust activates a huge amount of serotonin in the body and sometimes that can lead to some major health problems. Well, with every day that passes, he runs the risk of having a ventricular tachycardia and that’s what explained how he collapsed the other day-”

“ Hold on, he collapsed? And did you say a ventricular tachycardia? Like a heartattack?” You asked as you felt your own heart stop for a moment as your dad gave you a confused expression,” So you’re telling me the lovedust could kill him? When did this happen?”

Your dad inhaled sharply as he swallowed hard,” Yesterday afternoon. We were done running tests and Banner noticed a car pull up and I said it was your friend John-”

“Josh.”

“ Yeah sure. Then we heard a loud thud and Peter just dropped. He just fainted but still, it’s a sign that things are getting worse,” Your dad said as you felt your heart completely shatter.

You felt like it was all of your fault. Even though Peter just fainted, he could’ve hit his head and died right there and you couldn’t stop yourself from filling your head with more terrible thoughts. 

“ Oh my god, I never thought things would get this bad,” You said as you rested your forehead in the palm of your hands, trying to keep a consistent stream of thoughts but each idea made you think of Peter getting hurt,” and there’s still not a cure? What have you guys even figured out so far-it’s been almost a week!” 

You knew your dad was trying his best but all you wanted was for Peter to get better and it didn’t help that time was against everyone. Peter could suffer a heartattack at any time of day and it didn’t make you feel better than nothing was being solved. 

“ Well we have a pretty strong theory about what caused the lovedust if you’re up for hearing it,” Your dad suggested as you hesitantly nodded. 

“ Our main theory is that the lovedust is effective when the patient- Peter- makes contact with the variable-you- and since you were the first person he saw, it activated his serotonin output. So it could’ve been anyone and Peter would’ve had the same reaction,” Tony said and it was so silent for a minute that you could hear a pin drop,” why is your face pale?”

You didn’t know how much you didn’t want to hear that theory until this very moment. You weren’t even sure why you could feel your throat close up again but this news made you sink back onto your bed. 

Peter really didn’t mean anything he was saying. After all those late night talks about how in love with you he was, those were all just side effects. Those were never his thoughts. He never really loved you. 

“ Oh...that’s good I guess,” You said quietly as Tony’s pager buzzed. You could tell Tony wanted to stay and talk to you but when he looked down at the notification, it seemed pretty urgent,” you can go, I’m just gonna stay here for a little bit.” 

“ We’ll talk later, okay kiddo?” Tony patted your knee and walked past your bed, closing your bedroom door behind him. 

You stared up at your bedroom ceiling as you thought about what your dad said. Peter’s condition was getting worst but now, at least they figured out something that could help them along the way. If they could figure out the properties of the lovedust than that means they could reverse it and find a cure. 

What if you didn’t want them to find a cure? 

You almost talked yourself out of your thought and called yourself a selfish idiot in the process, the goal was for them to help Peter. This could help Peter, you reminded yourself as you got up from your bed to get dressed. 

You weren’t sure where you wanted to go but you thought that your mental health day could carry on to the outside world. 

Mad....why were you mad? 

You had no reason to be so upset and you kept reminding yourself as the elevator went down to the garage. You aggressively pressed the button to unlock your car and once you sat down in the driver’s seat, you started your car and backed out of the garage. 

It was pouring outside and while you hated driving in the rain, you just had to leave to clear your head. 

Why were you upset?

Maybe because for once in your life, you felt special. 

You stopped on the brakes and you could feel your heart sink into your chest as the rain hit against your windshield. 

You shook your head slowly before you slapped your hands against your steering wheel hard.  

Was it awful that you loved the attention you were getting and maybe, just maybe, you were starting to see Peter differently? 

You slammed your firsts against the wheel again and again as you let out a frustrated grunt through your gritted teeth. 

You were mad that Peter could die. You were mad that there wasn’t a cure. You were mad that the lovedust had ruined your life. You were content without Peter meddling in your life but now that he had left such an impression, all you wanted to do was make sure he stayed as true to himself as he was now. 

You couldn’t expect that from him. You couldn’t expect that once he was cured, he would act back to his regular douchebag self but anything was possible, he didn’t owe you anything. 

You taunted yourself as you tried to snap out of whatever this hellish tantrum you were throwing. 

Why would you be upset over a guy who had fake feelings for you all this time? 

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t your fault either.

Anyone. It could have been anyone. It could’ve been a sockpuppet and Peter would’ve probably tried marrying the damn thing. 

You snapped your head over to the passenger side of the door once you heard a hard tap come from the window. Once you saw it was Peter, you turned to face the front and unlocked the door without looking back at him. 

He opened the door and sat down beside you in the passenger seat without saying anything. He was soaking wet from head to toe and while you were annoyed he was getting the inside of your car wet, you had more important things to focus on. 

It was too quiet for your liking but there wasn’t anything you wanted to say to him. Frankly, you weren’t sure why you even let him in.

“ How did you sleep?” Peter asked quietly as he tested the waters.

It was clear that you were in some type of mood but Peter never knew how to approach situations like this, especially since he didn’t know why you were so upset. 

“ I slept fine, you?” 

“ Good I guess,” Peter shrugged as he shifted awkwardly in his seat,” are you okay? Are you upset about what happened last night-”

“ No,” You said truthfully as you leaned your head back against the headrest,” I mean, yes, I’m okay but no I’m not upset about last night.”

“ Well something is clearly bothering you and I just want to help. You know you can tell me anything, I mean it Y/N, we’re friends now. We shouldn’t be hiding things from each other,” Peter said as you let out a dry laugh. 

You knew you couldn’t reveal everything to Peter about what your dad had told you but it didn’t stop you from feeling angry. 

“ Okay, you want to be honest, lets be honest. When were you going to tell me that you collapsed at the lab?” You asked as you turned your whole body to face him,” my dad told me this morning.” 

Peter inhaled deeply but looked you straight in the eye,” I was going to tell you... eventually. It’s not like I had time to really sit down with you, I know you’re going through a lot right now and I didn’t want to stress you out. Besides, I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal.”

It was a big deal, he could die. That’s what you wanted to tell him. His life was at stake and yet you were keeping this big secret from him. It was hypocritical and wrong and if anyone else had told you, you would’ve revealed to Peter about his worsening condition. 

But it was your dad who told you to keep things a secret for now and you just had to trust him for both of your sakes. 

You looked at him for a moment as you studied his face while he did the same to you. It was as if you both had so much on your mind yet no one wanted to be the first one to detonate the bomb. 

“ I’m just so tired Peter. I’m tired of having conflicted feelings on whether or not this lovedust has been creating more problems than solving them… Whatever this is between us, I like it a lot but I hate feeling so pathetic to the point where I actually enjoy the feeling of having a guy give me attention only because of some space shit,” You turned your attention back to the steering wheel,” How do we carry on with our lives once you’re cured? What’s stopping you from being a complete asshole to me like before?” 

“ I told you, nothing has to change. No matter what happens, we’ll always be in each other’s lives as friends or something more. I would never treat you the way I did in the past, I swear on my life.” 

Peter could feel the energy in the car shift right as he finished speaking but there was nothing he could do to change the course of the conversation. The path had already been set and now, he just had to strap in and hope he could hang on. 

“ How am I supposed to believe that? How do I know anything you’re saying is true? Everything this lovedust has been built on is a lie, you don’t love me Peter. It’s a fucking chemical reaction that is messing with your body,” You snapped loudly but Peter hardly flinched,” your mind and body has been corrupted by a parasite. You say you love me but if you take the lovedust away, you don’t. It’s that simple.” 

“ Just because it’s a chemical reaction doesn’t mean that the way I’m feeling is a lie. I spend so many nights thinking about you and how happy you make me so for you to say that I don’t actually love you-”

“ Are you listening to yourself? You love me because of the dust, why is that so hard for you to understand? Love is supposed to be natural, this is not natural!  If the way you’re feeling isn’t a lie, look me in the eye right now and tell me, did you love me before the lovedust?” You asked as you turned back to face him,” tell me the honest truth, did you love me?” 

Peter felt like his body was burning up in the worst possible way and his throat felt dry as he thought carefully. It was so hard for him to see how terrible he was in the past because of the lovedust, all he could think when he saw you was just utter love. 

You were visibly hurt, even if you were shouting at him he could read you like a book and there was something that he knew was there but he just couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt like some sort of test that Peter had to decipher; he didn’t have all of the pieces of the puzzle so how was he supposed to get the full picture? 

“ I don’t...no. No I didn’t,” Peter said softly as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding,” but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you.” 

There it was, the million-dollar answer to the million-dollar question. Of course he didn’t love you, he had tormented you for years. Your dad’s “theory” was right, the lovedust didn’t matter if he had loved you beforehand. It could’ve been anyone. 

So even if you might’ve known all along, why did it hurt and why were you upset?

“ Stop lying to me. You never cared about me, you loved humiliating me,” You said in a shaky breath,” you loved seeing me cry and you loved it when I got mad. I could see it all across your face, you loved making me absolutely miserable. So you can say you love me all you want now, but I know the truth. You don’t understand, this lovedust is ruining me, Peter. Do you know how painful it is to be tormented for years and all of a sudden, the same person is now in love with you just like that?” 

“ Ruining you? You didn’t touch the damn thing! And you want to talk about pain-Do you know how painful it is to love you?” Peter shouted as he felt his voice crack,” If I’m not near you, I feel like I’m going to die but when I’m around you, my chest feels like it’s going to burst open and it’s painful. I’m in pain right when I wake up in the morning to right before I go to sleep everyday because the mere thought of you drives me insane-” 

“ I didn’t ask for you to love me-”

“ I didn’t ask to love you either!” Peter shouted back louder, this time to make sure you would stop interrupting him,” My body feels weak all the time, I’m fucking falling apart because I love you so much. So don’t tell me that I’m lying about loving you because that’s all I feel when I look at you. Even when I’m pissed off I still love you but if you think for one second I’m going to sit here and let you attack me for my past that I have already apologized for, then I don’t want to hear it.” 

Peter gave you one last look before getting out of your car and straight into the rain. Peter slammed the car door behind him so hard to where the door completely fell off the hinges but Peter was so angry that he kept walking away. 

“ You fucking...ugh!” You screamed as you got out of your car and followed behind him. 

You were completely livid, you both were being unfair but just because he was going through a different type of pain than you didn’t mean yours hurt any less. 

You shouted after Peter but the rain was so loud to the point where you considered that maybe he just couldn’t hear you. You sped up your pace to the point where you almost slipped against the concrete. 

“ You don’t get to tell me that I can’t be mad at the past Peter when it’s only been a week since you got infected!” You yelled as you grabbed Peter’s arm to stop him from walking away from you,” Just because you apologized doesn’t mean I can let it go so easily. For years, you made me feel like I would be alone for the rest of my life because no one would ever love me!”

Peter whipped his head back around to face you as you kept a strong grip around his wrist,“ And I’m telling you now that I love you and I was a fucking idiot for hurting you. Jesus Y/N I am sorry but we’ve had this conversation before so why are you mad at me?” 

All you could focus on were his eyes, which were darting back and fourth across your face as if he was pleading with you. You had pushed him across the line so many times but now, Peter was pushing back because he just needed a clear answer. 

You both were tired of yelling and fighting and in this moment, Peter was so close to tearing down the walls you had set up for years to keep yourself safe against him. It was eating away at you because deep down, you knew why you were mad at him, you just didn’t know if you could bring yourself to let it slip out of your mouth.

The rain sounded muffled and all you could think about was how cold you were feeling. You were somewhat forcing yourself to focus on anything other than Peter but you were trapped in his desperate gaze. 

You felt your breath hitch as you could feel yourself getting choked up,” I’m mad...I’m mad because the way you feel about me right now, it’s fleeting... it’s temporary. One day when you’re cured, you’re going to stop loving me and that terrifies me.” 

Peter squeezed your hand and you didn’t even realize that while you were talking, the grip you had around his wrist had moved to interlock your fingers with his. You could feel your chest tighten as you moved your eyes down to your hands and you slowly moved your gaze to meet Peter’s. 

“ Why does it terrify you?” Peter asked softly and now it was your turn to plead with him using your eyes as if you were saying please don’t make me say it.

Maybe a part of Peter knew that you wouldn’t admit that maybe, there was something developing between the two of you that you just couldn’t bring yourself to admit. But Peter knew you well and even as he read you like a book, he wanted to hear it for himself. 

“ I’m terrified because…” You almost said it as a whisper and even Peter was having a hard time hearing you because his heart was beating so loudly,” because I…”

You swallowed hard as you looked down at his lips and even if it was just for a second, Peter caught you staring. Peter felt his knees weaken and he was seconds away from just pulling you into his arms but it was your move. 

Peter had given you all the power and while a part of him felt relieved, it didn’t stop him from reaching up and tucking a strand of wet hair behind your ear. This was the moment he had been waiting for. 

He had given you all of the puzzle pieces you needed except he saved the last one just for you. He wanted you to put the last piece in so that way you two could step back together and admire all of the hard work you put into it. 

 You would’ve. You were going to let him know everything and unravel in his arms because finally, you could let go.

You wanted nothing more than to pick up that stupid puzzle piece and slam it into the puzzle to show him you were serious. You were going to let your walls crumble down and for once, you were going to be fearless. 

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. 

“ I can’t,” You said softly as you let go of Peter’s hand and practically rushed back towards the building,  leaving Peter alone in the rain. 

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 2)

And we're back with more exciting and mean Natsume! Here we will further explore Natsume's life and how absolutely dark his existence is, as well as some very important aspects of his personality that will be useful to us when NatsuMikan starts picking up speed.

Again, I am warning people that this whole essay in general talks heavily about topics like bullying, child abuse, suicidal ideation, and depression, so if those are triggering topics, it might be better for you to not read.

Previously, we were introduced to Natsume and he has sent Mikan on a dangerous quest to the Northern Woods. During that trip, she and her friends have captured his one and only best friend, Ruka, which will not bode well.

Chapter Five

Chapter Five is instrumental for completing Natsume’s introduction, long as it’s been. Natsume is a mysterious character, and he will continue to be evasive and strange for many chapters to come, but by the end of this chapter, we will understand some basic foundation for his character.

The chapter starts with Ruka’s point of view, recalling a moment when he saw Natsume cry, presumably after a mission. Ruka wonders why it’s only Natsume that has to go through “this”, and Natsume tells him that he can take it--for now. He says he wants to grow up and be an adult, to be big and strong enough to properly escape this hell. This is a consistent wish of Natsume’s, and in many ways his only wish: to grow up already.

Higuchi really out here trying to convince us this was supposed to be a cheerful story.

Natsume had to be an adult, had to make the selfless and responsible choices for the sake of his family and for Ruka, had to abandon play and smiles and laughter for a life of secret missions and frequent hospital trips. He’s dying and he wants to be an adult already because he’s certain he’ll never be able to grow up. He wants his body to match the level of responsibility he’s had to take on, but he can’t force the outside to match the inside, especially when he’ll probably be dead long before it happens anyway. This wish evolves and changes when he falls for Mikan, but it doesn’t go away.

He associates adulthood with control, because his life at the academy has been observing the adults control and use him. He wants control for once, to be able to make a choice and even just say no.

Ruka notes that Natsume hasn’t cried at all since that night, and that he now keeps all his sorrow locked away. This kid needs therapy, immediately. This is another reason that Ruka is so precious to Natsume. Ruka is compassionate and kind, so concerned about his friend that he would also shut away his own heart so that he can’t be happy for as long as Natsume is in agony.

Natsume has a scene of his own, where he snaps at Permy for saying that Mikan is full of crap and lying about being an alice. He points out that the academy is not an easy place to lie your way into, and Permy immediately backtracks and lies that she’s agreed with him this whole time. Like I’d said earlier about the loneliness involved in being surrounded by fans who don’t really know or understand you, having people all around you bend over backwards for your approval makes it clear that they really have no interest in what you’re saying, just that you’re the one saying it.

In the anime essay, I’d pointed out that because of their admiration for him, it would elude people that Natsume is in fact lonely. He speaks out against things and people rush to agree, not really considering why he might say that. This is a similar moment, though he doesn’t seem too bothered by Permy’s behavior. It’s still concerning, but it’s interesting to compare this “yes, man” attitude to Ruka’s.

There is obviously a difference between someone agreeing with every word of your mouth no matter how much it changes and contradicts, bending over backwards for your approval, and someone wanting to match you out of compassion, but Ruka’s line of thinking does still have some major flaws.

Ruka is a child, just like the rest of them, so even though this behavior is motivated by love and compassion, it’s still immature and raises some questions.

“If you won’t smile, I won’t smile either,” is a sweet line, but now Natsume is aware that Ruka’s misery is his fault. If he wasn’t so sad, Ruka could be happy. This doesn’t make Natsume happy; it just makes them both sad, and that doesn’t solve any problems. Naturally, Natsume would never say that, and Ruka would claim he’s unbothered and--just like Natsume--that he doesn’t care about hanging out with the others, but they’re both miserable now, and I think this is part of the reason why there’s a gap between them at the start of the manga, and why they’re a bit distant, despite being best friends.

They’re each other’s most important person, but they don’t really communicate that well, and Ruka constantly feels like a burden.

Natsume needs something that Ruka can’t give him, and that something is what he’ll eventually get from Mikan.

That being said, at the moment, Natsume is getting nothing but irritation from Mikan. When he finds out Mikan and her gang kidnapped Ruka, that irritation turns into rage and we see a final fundamental building block for Natsume’s character: his berserk button.

Natsume doesn’t care about the reasoning or justification for the kidnapping. He doesn’t care about explanations or common sense.

His rage only increases when he discovers Ruka was tied up and even beaten (he is told this by a classmate, when Ruka is actually unharmed). The other kids in Class B--his admirers--are terrified to see how scary Natsume is when he’s furious.

Natsume's biggest weakness is Ruka so Mikan is kinda fucked.

He doesn’t care about the game anymore. He only cares about Ruka.

So he goes to the Northern Woods, where nobody is expecting him. He tells Mikan to leave the school, which… she cannot do, obviously. He is overtaken by rage and he ceases to be reasonable.

He uses his alice on everyone but Ruka, and is about to use it on Mikan, but her alice nullifies it. Then Narumi kisses him, prompting him to pass out.

Here, we are introduced to a consistent character trait of Natsume’s, one that may contradict all that talk about forced maturity and selflessness. In fact, Natsume’s habit to go absolutely postal on anyone who threatens a loved one is a contradictory one. Going into a rage requires the sacrifice of common sense and reason for the sake of complete emotional detonation, and as a result he fails to understand that his actions could inadvertently hurt his loved ones or innocent bystanders. No reassuring words are enough to calm him down, and sure enough Natsume will destroy something.

It’s important that we see this trait now, as part of Natsume’s informal introduction, as we will see plenty more instances of it later on. In a way, going berserk for someone can even be a love language of his, where if a person being threatened is enough to set him off, he probably cares about them.

And just as interesting as seeing what he does in these situations is posing the why! Why is it that Natsume goes ballistic in these situations, when it requires the loss of the one thing he wishes he had more of, control? My guess is that Natsume has had a rough childhood and much of that time was spent running away from a dangerous entity. Staying cool and calculated under some conditions would have its benefits, but so would the quick-action and confidence that Natsume would gain by going berserk. When you have to protect someone, and Natsume has been in that situation many times, then it’s sometimes even beneficial to be able to lose yourself for a moment or two. But perhaps it’s not that either. Natsume is, despite all his airs of coldness and mystery, actually a very emotional person, and in that way he is easy to understand. Even if this isn’t a habit he developed by watching his loved ones ripped away from him through either extortion, manipulation, or just plain murder, it’s still something he might be predisposed to: attacking with everything he has despite not having a clear plan or even any real thought.

Chapter Six

We pick up where we left off and Natsume wakes up grumpy after everyone seeing him under the effects of Narumi’s pheromone alice. He causes more destruction, still in somewhat of a rage, and even causes Narumi a head wound though his teacher seems unbothered by this (or maybe even used to it, who can say).

The next thing that happens is that an alarm rings, signaling that Natsume is due for severe punishment, and, as Naru points out, not something he can help with this time. Narumi warns him to get a move on before a mystery enemy (Persona) arrives, and that is enough to scare Natsume into getting out of there. But not before he issues a word of warning of his own to Mikan, that she will regret coming to Alice Academy of her own free will.

Isn't it interesting how her optimism, something he hated so much about her from the start, ends up being something he loves about her?

I have very many thoughts about this warning. It might even seem like a threat, as if Natsume will go out of his way to make sure she regrets her decision, but he does no such thing. He is convinced that Mikan doesn’t need help reaching that conclusion--she will realize it on her own because the school is simply that terrible.

It makes a little bit of sense to view Natsume’s hatred of Mikan this way: Mikan skipped right into his own personal hell with a smile on her face and a bubbly attitude. Meanwhile, he fought and kicked and screamed right until the very end when he was forced into attending the academy. And Mikan is not some normal girl who might be able to live a quiet and pleasant life in the academy. She’s already been marked, what with all the games about her enrollment, and that might anger Natsume even more: she’s really naive enough to walk into a place that’s not just hell to him, but inevitably to her too. Because of this, Natsume hates her and is predisposed to hate her more the more cheerful and optimistic she is.

And, unlike in the anime, this hatred takes much longer to go away.

Anyway, we see Natsume again later in class, when he shows up late after having just been terribly abused as punishment for his actions in the Northern Woods.

In the anime, Natsume catches Mikan insulting him while wearing the punishment mask, and although he’s covered in scratches and the kids are whispering about his bad mood, there’s not much else to it. He doesn’t seem any more unpleasant than he’s been this whole time.

There's nothing funny about this but I will put here as a warning that anybody who jokes that kids should be hit will be hit by me!

In the manga, Natsume is so weak that he can hardly stand. It’s not just scratches, but blood and gashes on his wrists and legs. The mask is not only used to mark him, it’s also used to punish, by physically abusing him when Persona has better things to do.

He makes his way to his seat, but Narumi is on the way, just enough to make a quippy comment.

(I wonder sometimes about Narumi establishing himself as untrustworthy to the children, particularly Natsume, and how exactly that’s supposed to be a help to the student body at large. I mean there’s the possibility that Mikan is special, and her being Yuka’s daughter helped Narumi remember what he became a teacher for. In that case, it might make sense that Narumi, being so jaded and bitter, might be content acting as a villain to the abused children of the academy, and especially to Natsume, but I can’t help but feel that’s not the case. I don’t want to think that Narumi was willingly complicit and even amused by Natsume’s abuse. It’s difficult to tell for sure, though, because Narumi is way more mysterious than Natsume tries to be.)

Sumire tries to kiss up, whining to Natsume about how everyone is suddenly acting so nice to the new girl, until Natsume forcefully kicks her desk to shut her up. He only holds back with Ruka, who he would never lash out at.

Narumi then announces that Mikan shall have a partner, and that her partner will be Natsume. It’s funny because although Hotaru made it clear she didn’t want the job, Iinchou was willing to volunteer, but Narumi ignores that because he always wanted Natsume to be her partner. At this news, everyone is shocked, wondering if Mikan is supposed to be special, seeing as she’s paired up with Natsume of all people.

Narumi smiles to himself despite the chaos and then lets himself leave the classroom, saying, “let’s see what happens.”

Why does he partner them up?

Mikan thinks Narumi is crazy for this, and from an outside perspective it certainly might seem that way.

Natsume’s theory, as becomes clear later during the exams, is that this was organized by the ESP and Persona, perhaps as a punishment, but definitely with ulterior motives. He is closer to nailing it, but a little off. There is no way in hell the ESP would want to partner the child of rabble-rousers with the school’s pet child soldier. That’s a recipe for disaster. Knowing that the ESP was excited to welcome Mikan because of her alice, and that her presence at the school might encourage Yuka to try and save her, he wouldn’t have wanted to disturb his own plans.

So what is the reason?

It’s all Narumi, of course. Perhaps the O.G. shipper, Narumi could tell right away that Mikan’s nullification would be useful, particularly in regards to Natsume. Pairing them up is just another means to an end, as Narumi actually wants the kids to raise some trouble.

Chapter Seven

Being partners with Natsume is quite unhelpful.

Mikan ends up a No-Star and her Special-Star partner is for the most part absent throughout her ordeals, having to cope with it all on her own.

Chapter Seven is mainly lacking Natsume. He functions to not function for most of it, that is to establish himself as being a terrible partner.

There is a moment that stands out, when Mikan is writing a letter to her grandpa, where Natsume appears. Yes, he appears in her head to taunt her about her regret coming to the school, and she spites him by committing to optimism and determination in the future. But he also has a short appearance paralleling a panel of Mikan: they are both in their beds, awake.

WHAT WAS THE REASON?????!??!?!?

This parallel is interesting, their panels right next to each other. She is thinking about her grandpa, and we have no way of knowing what Natsume is thinking about, but there has to be a reason for him to appear despite having been mostly absent so far in the chapter.

To me, it’s another narrative tool to pair them together. They have been so far, in more ways than one, and will continue to be as they fall in love, and this is just another example of how they’d been fated from the start. Even when they hate each other, and even when they aren’t thinking of each other, they’re still tied. Looking at those panels, and seeing Natsume despite his relative irrelevance to the plot, seems to be a message that there’s more to come between them. I don’t know if any of what I’m saying makes sense, or if it seems silly, but there’s very little analysis I can do without just talking about potential.

Later, with Mikan in a new mood, ready to make the most of her situation, the kids are talking about her resilience with both her no-star status and having Natsume as a partner.

Ruka does the talking for Natsume, warning Mikan that she’s being watched and remarking that nobody should have been assigned a no-star for simply disturbing class.

Once again, Mikan and Natsume are paired: they are both treated unfairly, with Mikan given a no-star status she doesn’t deserve, and Natsume given a special-star status despite the fact that he doesn’t even go to class most of the time. They’re the exceptions to the rule, and the reader is made to wonder what exactly it is that they have in common that would result in this treatment.

Ruka tells Mikan not to trust any teachers at the academy, not even Naru, and this is almost like hearing from Natsume himself. Unlike Mikan, who will happily make strong bonds with teachers like Narumi and Nodacchi, Natsume has absolutely no positive adult figures in his life. His father is far away, his mother is dead, and every teacher is someone he holds either directly or indirectly responsible for his suffering. The adults at the school have failed him and he has nobody to trust. Something Natsume needs is a positive role model, somebody he can look up to and have faith in, because as it stands he’s a traumatized boy who absorbs negativity and takes it out in bad ways. A trustworthy adult would very much help Natsume grow and learn better coping skills, and in the meantime it makes perfect sense that he would act out and even be a bully at times.

Chapter Eight

Natsume has a habit of ignoring any and all episodes where Mikan has confrontations with her teachers. He is either dozing off or listening to music with Ruka, and doesn’t seem particularly interested in even watching.

That being said, we see a new side to Natsume in this chapter, a new emotion in a way we haven’t before: fear.

Natsume ditches class with regularity. He does not care about being present. For most classes, he would simply walk out and go screw around somewhere else, but with the dangerous ability class, he doesn’t have that choice.

The other teachers may be complicit, but they won’t do the abuse themselves. Persona is not above that, as we have already noticed despite never even seeing him so far.

If Natsume does not want to attend the dangerous ability class, then he has to run for it, and in this chapter he does, like his life depends on it, because his safety sure does. He’s only ten years old and forced to do horrible missions for the school. This is one of the scenes that reminds me that he is just a child. He knows he could get punished for running, but he does it anyway. Maybe, if he runs fast enough, they won’t catch him. Maybe, if he doesn’t get caught, he doesn’t have to go on a mission. Maybe, just this once, they won’t mind if he doesn’t show. It’s such a childish and desperate thing to do, to avoid pain at the cost of more pain to come.

Natsume is scary when he's scared...

It’s funny that as he is running from pain, he runs into Mikan, who will later alleviate his pain. For now, he just shuts her up so that Persona can pass the area while looking for him. We see Persona for the first time, what Natsume is scared of more than anything, and although his fear seems obvious, Mikan is preoccupied by annoyance for being shut up like that.

They bicker--or she bickers at him, mostly--until the middle schoolers encounter them and start bullying them.

Natsume is ready to ignore them and walk away, until Sumire’s brother calls him a murderer, reminding us of the rumor Hotaru and Iinchou discussed. Natsume stops, and Sumire’s brother whines that he’s just a special star because he’s “Persona’s favorite”.

Sumire and her brother have, like, nothing in common other than curly hair, huh.

Being Persona’s favorite is no privilege, as we know now from the run-in we just had with him and Natsume’s fear. This sets Natsume off and he starts some fires. When they threaten to call Persona, who Natsume was just running from, he responds that they can call him all they want, but he’ll burn them before he can get there to capture him. We see once again, through Natsume standing up for himself, that his berserk button lacks reason (as he is willing to sacrifice punishment by Persona again).

In a last-ditch attempt to threaten him, the middle schoolers threaten Mikan, who they perceive to be Natsume’s new girlfriend. (Calling her his girlfriend is interesting because it is even more proof that they are being narratively paired together! It shouldn’t be a surprise at all that they eventually get together, when almost everybody around them pairs them up like this, even when they can’t stand each other.) They do not expect that Natsume actually hates her, and genuinely doesn’t care if she gets bullied or not. He smiles in twisted amusement at this turn of events and walks away for good this time, leaving Mikan to be bullied.

Aw, he's smiling! How sweet.... oh wait that's a skull.

Now, Natsume is a good person deep inside, somebody who is selfless and kind in secret ways. There is no secret kindness about this scene. He is not a nice person, for sure, and this scene is proof of it.

Natsume is used to sacrificing himself for the comfort and well-being of his loved ones, so there might be relief in not caring about the comfort or well-being of somebody, and being able to choose his own well-being before that of somebody else for once. It makes sense that he would be so amused, because this time nobody has anything to hold over his head.

Conclusion

We have seen some more of the abuse Natsume faces on a daily basis. He and Mikan have been partnered up and they are presented narratively as foils and as pairs even outside of that dynamic.

For the next part, we'll see even more examples of them being paired together, as well as how Natsume is isolated from his classmates.

<- Previous Next ->

#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #i love him! i love THEM! perfection! excellent story-telling! fantastic! so much to analyze! i ADORE!

[darkpurpledawn]

So content warning for seemingly-dire-but-mostly-nonsensical medical situation in the aftermath of an accident and mild body horror played for laughs in this ficlet.

For @racketghost 's 13 Days of Halloween and prompt "bones"

“I almost hate to do it, that radiologist is positively glowing. And the residents are fascinated by your labwork.”

Crowley attempted to glower at Aziraphale through a tangle of tubes that were trying to assess his blood oxygenation, measure his pulse, and deliver saline solution, but were mostly just prompting their associated machines to beep in abject terror.

“You could be making a better attempt, I must say,” Aziraphale went on. He sounded ferociously, unnervingly calm as he picked at a disappointing muffin from the cafeteria. “I reckon I’ll have to wipe the memories of half the A&E at this point.” His voice had that particular tranquility which precedes major volcanic eruptions.

“Sorry I couldn’t look normal for the technicians, I was a bit preoccupied with my, what was it”--Crowley lifted a piece of carbon paper off the blanket with his unshattered hand and read--“extensive and irreversible blunt force trauma injuries and systemic organ failure. It was an accident, you know.”

“You hit three pedestrians.”

“I healed three pedestrians while I was bleeding out on Balfour Mews, angel!”

“Yes, I know, they’ve been telling the Daily Mirror they were chased by a swarming nest of vipers.”

“Look, demonic healing has some trade-offs, OK? Sometimes it makes sensible people give interviews with the Daily Mirror. Why are you so angry with me, I’ve never been more sympathetic in my life.” Crowley stuck out his bottom lip and indicated his numerous monitoring devices and broken limbs.

Aziraphale gave a quiet huff and looked back at the magazine whose crossword he had completed thrice in increasingly obscure languages. Despite the fact that he had at no point been thrown through a windshield that day, he seemed to be in a far greater state of shock.

Crowley appeared to lose his nerve at Aziraphale’s silence, and addressed his next inquiry to the muffin crumbs. 

“Is the Bentley, er, doing alright?”

“Well that’s the trouble,” Aziraphale said, angry at once. “The sodding Bentley didn’t crumple at all, didn’t even dent! After you were--forcibly ejected, it drove itself off to the Cartoon Cinema without so much as a by-your-leave.”

Crowley let out a relieved sigh that almost displaced his nasal cannula.

“One would think,” Aziraphale continued, crushing the muffin in clenched fingers, “that you were more concerned with keeping your car looking nice than not getting yourself discorporated, even now. I don’t trust that Hell would ever let you out again if--if it came to that.”

The heart monitor flatlined and began wheedling for supervisory attention. Crowley opened his mouth, then closed it, then after poking at the juncture of IV and arm he said “Angel, look, I didn’t--”

There was a knock on the open door frame.

“Mr. Crowley, is this a good time?” a short man in a long lab coat asked.

“Actually we’re rather occupied,” Aziraphale started, but Crowley cut in.

“Yeah. S’fine.”

The doctor paced up and down for a moment, looked at the flatlining heart monitor and the flickering oximeter, and swallowed heavily. “Ah, I don’t really know how to say this or where to begin. Quite frankly, Mr. Crowley, you are the luckiest man who has ever been admitted to this institution, and not a single person on our staff has the faintest idea how you are still awake and speaking.”

“Er, prognosis good, then?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale snorted without mirth, then covered the awkward moment by getting up to throw the crushed muffin in a rubbish receptacle labeled BIOHAZARD.

“Mr. Crowley, I don’t want to alarm you, but these are your x-rays.” He handed Crowley a bluish film.

Crowley stared at them for a moment. 

“So this is...bad?”

The doctor blinked once, and switched into a tone of voice like the one Aziraphale used for small children and Crowley used for especially recalcitrant rhododendrons.

“Sir, your entire skeletal structure amounts to your skull, a spine, and some supernumerary vertebrae. Your arms and legs appear to be made of cartilage developed subsequent to the rest of your bones. Your liver is nonfunctional and is covered in scar tissue that one of the ICU nurses noted appears to spell ‘PLEASE STOP’ in Latin. According to medical science and our leading bioethicists, not only are you already dead, it is completely unclear how you were ever alive.”

Crowley flashed an uneasy smile. “Miraculous, eh?”

“Mr. Crowley, you have the internal organs of a ball python and the pulmonary damage of a five hundred year old smoker.”

I quit in the nineties, Crowley mouthed at Aziraphale, who hid his head in his hands.

“Furthermore,” the doctor said, “Your body temperature was at 11 C before you underwent extensive blood rewarming, during which it was discovered your blood has the physical properties of tar bitumen and the pH of battery acid.”

Crowley twisted his several blankets. “It, er, runs in the family.”

“Mr. Crowley, I have never been so completely at a loss for diagnosis. A year’s worth of Lancet articles could be published on your congenital ocular condition alone. Your heartbeat has been undetectable for seven of the last eight hours, and yet you entered the trauma ward slurring to the paramedics about a recent purchase of beachfront property.”

Aziraphale’s head snapped up. 

“I’m afraid we’re really rather occupied,” he said, and drew his hand down with a brusque finality. There was a bright glow of light that made Crowley wince.

“Of course, Mr. Fell,” the doctor said in an altered voice. “I’ll have the discharge papers brought up presently.” He left the room, after glancing at the heart monitor and writing down a number it did not display.

“So, ah. Beachfront property.” Aziraphale bit his bottom lip.

“Erm, yeah. I, well, I might have driven off the road a bit when I saw the message from the real estate human. Angel, I, ah, I sort of bought us a house. I’d like a--gosh why is it so hard to talk? must be all the morphine--a future. If you want to erm, live in it with me.”

Aziraphale’s eyes were overflowing with tears, so it was perhaps understandable that he collided with Crowley’s bandaged face a little too hard when he bent to kiss him.

“My dear,” he said as his throat made a noise like a dolphin hiccupping, “may I kindly suggest that if you want a future so badly you put some airbags in your bloody car?”

Crowley flinched at the word ‘airbags’ like he flinched at ‘Pater noster qui es in caelis.’

“Fine, angel, fine. But if I do, I get veto power over all tartan slipcovers, seasonal wreaths, and chintzy fireplace knicknacks at that seaside cottage. In perpetuity.”

Aziraphale grasped Crowley’s less-injured hand, squeezed tight, and began to daydream about inflicting quaint garden statues upon the years to come.

#good omens #good omens ficlet #my fics #racket's 13 days of halloween #bones #body horror #medical

[hualianff]

ASMR/Streamer AU

Thinking about an AU with video-game streamer HC and ASMRist XL. Both have huge followings on Youtube and other social media; both never show their faces.

On his channel, MantouASMR, XL uses audio from everyday things like cutting fruit or typing at his computer. Other times, he plans out a general script to help his viewers sleep or motivate them for the day. XL writes and reads his own poetry, as well as sings on his channel too.

XL strives to be the most attentive and considerate content creator. He is constantly reading his viewers’ comments and taking up their suggestions for future videos. Anything to help his viewers get through their day or lift their mood.

(One time, XL read a comment from the parent of a child who was MantouASMR’s superfan. XL’s voice apparently helped their son sleep when he’s scared of the monster under his bed. In his next “Time to Sleep” video, XL iterated a short thank you message for the son and his parent for listening and watching his videos, and he hoped he could continue helping in the future.)

(Another time, XL read a comment from a student who said his voice helped her concentrate on her maths homework—though she mentioned she still doesn��t understand integrals and derivatives. The following day, XL uploaded an ASMR math lesson.)

XL’s voice is known to be very soothing, his whispers as airy and delicate as a spring breeze. His lower register is smooth like honey, and anyone who happens to hear his melodious laughs on a live stream instantly falls in love with his character.

On the other hand, HC’s voice is enticingly deep but has a deadly edge to it. He has no shortage of vulgar language, especially when it comes to playing with other streamers. When HC posts an occasional video that’s not video-game-related such as a rare Q&A, he’s somewhat more pleasant.

Of course, HC is incredibly grateful for his followers’ support. He just finds himself involved in too much internet bullshit even when he respectfully minds his own business. HC supposes that it comes with being China’s number one video game streamer—Crimson Rain Ghost King—watched by millions all around the globe. However, this doesn’t stop HC from being vocal about his opinions and expressing himself without giving a fuck what others thought.

Naturally, HC and XL are in completely separate circles on the Youtube platform. As far as their fans are concerned, a mellow ASMRist and a brash gamer don’t interact with each other...

Here’s the catch: Hualian are secretly married.

XL and HC have been together for over ten years now—married for just under three years. They felt no need to disclose their full relationship when HC began gaining popularity as a streamer, nor when XL’s channel tripled in size a few years later.

In his lives, XL often mentions his mysterious husband a lot. For the third anniversary of his channel, XL retells his wedding day. The picture for the video is of HC’s and his intertwined hands with a red string attaching their middle fingers.

HC was the first one to subscribe to XL’s channel (from a side account). He never fails to remind XL that “Gege has many gifts to share with the world.”

Out of nowhere, a trashy review journal bashes XL’s videos, calling them unoriginal and lowkey creepy because XL is “...a full-grown man whispering random shit that people love for some reason.” HC tries to keep XL from reading the article, but he’s too late. What’s worse is that other media sites speculate XL’s identity after, trying to expose him.

XL has experienced media backlash in the past. This event has him revisiting trauma where he nearly lost everyone in his life. He also went through severe depression and has developed major anxiety since then. One of the main reasons XL started his Youtube channel was because he wanted to be the person of comfort he wished he had had during those dark times.

Witnessing how affected XL is by the article and online hate, HC’s already-thin patience is close to snapping. That specific journal does nothing but writes drama-seeking shit about creators with a notable platform–HC included. Not that he gives a fuck about it.

Except they made XL their next target, and that is unacceptable. HC promptly makes a video grilling the hell out of the journal and the writer who published the article, making it very clear that, “Whoever reads and supports this bullshit are the scum of the Earth.”

HC uploads the video, then proceeds to make a XL-care-burrito. He feeds his husband, keeps him warm, and cuddles him all day. After dinner, XL feels renewed with energy, thoroughly enjoying his Saturday with his biggest, most devoted fan. XL decisively unwraps himself from the burrito and goes to make that sewing tutorial ASMR video he planned for the weekend.

HC’s viewers are once again curious as to if he has connections to XL. They begin digging up evidence but after the short investigation, it seems not to be the case.

Of the two instances XL couldn’t edit out him saying his husband’s name on live, no one seemed to agree on what the two muffled syllables were. XL never shows above his chest (he wears a facemask in case of a slip-up) or goes into too much detail with his stories. Both XL and HC’s other social media accounts are squeaky clean. Plus, you can count on one hand how many times HC has mentioned anything about his personal life.

Their fans stop their analysis, for the most part; XL’s viewers adamant about protecting his privacy and HC’s viewers not wanting to piss their idol off.

With Youtube being an important and time-consuming side of their life, XL and HC make sure to balance their personal, professional, and romantic lives as best as they can, or re-evaluate priorities when things begin to go downhill.

In addition to streaming, HC works as an animator for a respectable company. He has flexible work conditions and schedules.

HC during his stream debuting a new popular game: “I helped make this game, of course I know what I’m doing.” XL watches from the side wearing an adoring and proud smile.

XL is an open and free-spirited soul, so he switches side jobs often such as a barista, salesman, model, etc.

HC’s other hobbies include photography, music, traditional art, and bowling. (He has impeccable aim for obvious reasons.) XL enjoys seeing his friends (SQX, MUA; MQ, lawyer; FX, lawyer), cooking, reading, and skateboarding.

Extras:

-HC often streams with XL in his lap.

-Hualian create NSFW ASMR for themselves.

-(HC in their bed, listening to one of XL’s ASMR videos...

XL, smiling like a minx and slipping into bed shirtless: “Why watch my video when you have the real thing right here?”)

-Someone edits a comedic video with XL and HC’s voices, comparing their styles and approaches to speech. It garners lots of attention for their respective channels, the hashtag #mantouxcrimson ??? trending for a few days.

Video title: You’re friends with both Mantou Gege and Crimson Rain

(In the video)

Situation 1: You haven’t started your homework and it’s already midnight.

XL’s voice: “Whatever you do, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You can’t do things well if your mind is unwell. Try to finish the things that need to be done, but be kind to yourself~~”

HC’s voice: “You little fucker, what have you been doing this whole time!? If you don’t do your job in the next five seconds, I’ll make sure to bury your worthless dead body where no one can find you-“

(Brainchild with @no-one-says-hi)

#tgcf #heaven official's blessing #hualian #hualian au #xie lian #hua cheng #tian guan ci fu #cerdrabbles #I love them #hualian invented love

[jasthelazyelf]

All the Obey me! boys discovering MC has kosmemophobia

Turns out I really have to write overly specific scenarios myself, so here I am. This was my first time writing headcanons, it’s more difficult than it looks like, but I managed! It also turned out way longer than I thought it’d be.

Kosmemophobia: a “fear” of jewelry. People with kosmemophobia will either not wear any jewelry at all, or may be comfortable with wearing non-metallic jewelry. Touching or being touched by jewelry makes these people feel somehow dirty (even though we know majority of jewelry is sanitized), uncomfortable, and will make people want to wash that part of their body it touched. People (dare I say mostly afab) usually notice it early on in their childhood. It is not known what makes people kosmemophobic atm, considering people have it since early childhood.

If you have further questions about it, feel welcome to ask. :)

Total word count: 4800-ish 

Gender of MC is not mentioned

Slight season 2 spoiler alert in Simeon’s part

Warning for verbally abusive parents in Belphie’s part

You have been warned.

Lucifer

He wanted to make the shopping trip enjoyable for the both of you, but especially for you

 He just wanted to take you on a date somewhere where his brothers wouldn’t constantly interfere, even if it was only for a few hours

You two were just window shopping at the mall when Lucifer decided to take you into one of the stores

 It was a store with magical items, from stones to a number of different trinkets, including jewelry

Somehow this was the part he was most interested in in the whole shop

Watching him look over it, especially necklaces made you feel uncomfortable and you had a feeling you knew where this was going

With what little hope you had, you subtly tried to nudge him away, but he wouldn’t budge

He finally took one of the necklaces out of the display and turned towards you

"What do you think? Wouldn’t it suit you?“

en he saw your eyes widen and you taking a step back, a shiver running down your spine, he was taken aback. Did he do something?

"Is something wrong? You don’t like it? It’s fine to just say so.“

 Oh well, you would have to tell him one day, right?

"N-no, that’s not exactly it, it’s just that just the thought of wearing jewelry or even touching it is making me uncomfortable. I know it’s weird, but please don’t make me do this…“

Well this he did not expect at all. He put the necklace back and putting one hand around you, he turned you around and moved to a part of the shop with crystals and rocks of all different colours instead

 "I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Let’s look over something else.“

You smiled at him and nodded. You had him curious about this fear of yours, he might have asked later on to give you more details on it.

Whether you are comfortable with sharing information about this with him or not, he respects your fear and does his best not to make you uncomfortable in the future

Mammon

-          Chaotic snuggle boy was all about protecting you and also hugging you, especially when in private where none of his brothers could see

-          It dawned on him pretty quickly that something about you was strange when you sometimes flinched every time he touched your skin

-          It wasn’t every time, and he just couldn’t understand the pattern

-          One day he had had enough, he just couldn’t wrap his head around it, it was driving him absolutely crazy

-          He finally mustered enough courage to ask you

-          "Oi, human, what is it with ya flinchin‘ when I touch ya?“

-          Damn… he noticed after all. You were trying to hide your phobia as much as you could, but you couldn’t help yourself. Well, better come up with the truth now

-          "Hah, w-well it’s not you, I swear. It’s gonna sound weird, but it’s your rings. The feel of them on my skin feels… uncomfortable.“

-          You tried to explain the feeling as best as you could, mostly how touching jewelry just makes you… want to wash your hands and the feeling appears also on other parts on your body

-          First he blinked in surprise, but listened to your explanation

-          Suddenly it all made sense. He only wore his rings on his right hand. You only flinched when he touched your skin with his right hand. How could he not notice this detail sooner?

-          Well, now he knows. He asks you if you’d rather he didn’t wear them near you.

-          If you say you’re going to hopefully get used to it over time, he will keep wearing them, but sometimes takes them off on his own

-          If you state that you’d rather not have to touch them, he will keep in mind to take them off before going for snuggles

-          Doesn’t really think much about it afterwards, he just takes it as a fact

Leviathan

-          Your birthday was getting closer and Leviathan wanted to get you a gift, but didn’t have many ideas

-          So he decided to invite you over to his room to watch some anime and play games, so that he could subtly take the conversation where he wanted and get an idea of what you might be interested in

-          When watching anime, he saw that you really liked the main character

-          Well what a coincidence! He totally imagined you cosplaying the main character and him cosplaying the character’s best friend. Duo cosplays are always the best!

-          "Oh! I once saw a set of their pendants and bracelets as a set on Akuzon! Wouldn’t it be a nice beginning of another cosplay?“

-          Your face completely changed its expression and you tensed when he mentioned it

-          This, of course, didn’t go unnoticed. Was he wrong all along? Did he assume wrongly that you liked the character? Do you actually not like the character at all?

-          Panic intensifies

-          "Oh no, I am sorry, if you don’t like the character, maybe we can cosplay another duo? Forget I said anything about it-“

-          "Levi… calm down, it’s not that I don’t like the character. It’s just the jewelry I am uncomfortable with.“

-          Oh

-          OH

-          Just like- nevermind, even though he probably watched the majority of anime in existence, he couldn’t remember a character who’s trait this would be

-          You tell him it’s okay, it’s a very rare phobia and not even that known

-          May ask a few questions about it and if there is a loophole for it

-          Either way, the idea of getting you jewelry gets thrown out of the window

-          For you birthday, he gets you and him matching hoodies

-          They‘re so soft

Satan

-          That day, Satan invited you on a date to his favourite bookstore

-          You were totally up for it, who knows, maybe you’d find something really interesting

-          Or something that is SO stupid that you just wouldn’t be able to not get it (Yes, I have one such book, I love/hate it so much)

-          He decided to také you to a bookstore you haven’t been to yet. Yay, more adventure! New store layout! So many possibilities!

-          You were browsing through bookshelves, Satan sometimes told about a few books he has in his own room that this bookstore also had

-          Suddenly he spotted someone and got rather excited

-          It turns out it was one of his aquintances and he wanted to introduce them to you. It was an elegant demon, by the looks of it quite rich

-          You were soon told they were one of the best selling authors of the Devildom, with a rather original, but easy to read writing style, which was probably how they got so famous

-          They wanted to shake your hand as a sign of politeness

-          When you saw the massive rings and bracelets on their hand, you gulped and widened your eyes

-          You didn’t want to be impolite, though, so you decided to shake their hand anyway

-          You couldn’t get the feeling of metal out of your hand and you wanted to go to the restroom to wash your hands real quick

-          Satan noticed you were getting tense as you tried to subtly rub your hand with your other hand and ended the conversation smoothly and took you aside

-          "Is there something wrong? Did they hurt you? You can ask for an apology if they did.“

-          You had to smile at this assumption. It warmed your heart to know Satan cared about you

-          "No, it’s just… have you seen all that jewelry? I am not saying they shouldn’t wear it, it’s their choice, but for me that was a living nightmare.“

-          Well he was glad they didn’t hurt you in any way. He was a bit surprised by your explanation and truth be told, he got very curious

-          After you quickly wash your your hands in the nearby restroom, he wants to know more about your phobia.

-          How long do you have it? How much does it affect your life? How did you find the right term? Do you personally know other people with this condition?

-          And so many more. Feel free to tell him there have already been too many questions answered and that you could continue another day in this interview. He’s already thrilled.

Asmodeus

-          You both planned the perfect spa day together

-          After all, who’d know more how to make you completely relaxed, if not Asmo?

-          You end up having lots of fun and you feel SO GOOD and relaxed after you’re all done

-          You hair has never been so very well taken care of, no matter you lenght or type, he probably gives you some useful advice you’ve never heard of yourself, bt it seems to be working, so why not?

-          And your skin is finally properly moisturized

-          All right, what now? Asmo doesn’t want this moment to end yet, he loves hanging out with you and you still had time

-          You end up visiting Majolish and trying on different clothes, even if it’s just for fun. Asmo loves picking out clothes for you and he really does have a good eye for what would suit you

-          You ended up putting on your 20th outfit. Asmo looked at you and thought for a bit. Something was missing.

-          Yes, sure, the outfit was nice and all, but it was missing something… but what?

-          He suddenly got an idea. He ran off for a bit and soon returned with something in his hands

-          When he got cloce to you again, you realized it was a set of small thin elegant bracelet and a metallic necklace to go with it

-          Your blood froze and you started to back away slowly, putting your arms up in defense and shaking your head

-          "What’s wrong? Do you think it’s too much? Maybe even too little?“

-          Before he could run off again for something different that could be to your taste, you quickly stopped him before he could do so

-          "No, wait, the jewelry… is pretty and you’re right it would go well with this outfit. But I am not willing to wear any jewelry. At all. It’s a very rare phobia and I can’t do much with it.“

-          You were surprised this hasn’t come up sooner, but oh well, it happened now

-          Asmo looked a bit disappointed at first, but upon hearing it’s a phobia, his expression softened and he gave you a little smile

-          "O-oh! All right, back this goes, then! The outfit looks good even without it, I just thought it would be a nice touch, that’s all!“

-          You smiled and nodded in acknowledgment

-          He would definitely question you later if it bothered you on others as well and how much. He’ll make a note to himself to wear as little jewelry as possible when spending time with you, depending what you’re comfortable with

Beelzebub

-          You were just meeting everyone in the human world for the first time

-          You were so excited, you had no idea you would ring the bell and Asmo would open the door

-          Everyone started greeting their favourite human like they haven’t seen you in years, when it’s probably been just a few weeks at most

-          These babies

-          Beel wasn’t home at the time, so you decided to surprise him and wanted to make his favourite human world food

-          Luckily, they already had enough ingrediants in the kitchen, so you didn’t have to go shopping as the first thing you’d do

-          Just as you finished, Beel came home. He got very excited to see you again

-          He took off his jacket and- oh no

-          He wanted to hug you, as was his habit even when in the Devildom, but upon seeing that heavy necklace, you had to move up your hands in defence

-          He got confused. Did he sweat too much and stinks now? Did you not like him anymore for whatever reason?

-          The biggest baby made confused puppy eyes, he just wanted to greet you

-          „Ah, I am sorry, could you please take the necklace off? Jewelry and especially jewelry like that makes me uncomfortable when I touch it.“

-          He sighed in relief. You didn’t hate him after all.

-          He quickly ran off, presumably to his room and came back in a minute, now without the chain necklace

-          You smiled happily and opened your arms, an invitation for him to hug and greet you

-          And he sure did!

-          He was just happy he could hug you again without you feeling uneasy about the situation

-          Doesn’t really ask anything else, just in case you’re not okay with talking about it, but he keeps that fact in mind and is now rarely seen with the chain on

Belphegor

-          You were once more taking a nap together. It became a pleasurable habit of yours to join Belphie. After all, you didn’t have to do anything and got some sweet sweet cuddles. What could be better?

-          Well, you finally managed to fall asleep

-          And Belphie got curious about your dreams, so he decided to visit your dream for once.

-          He was really there just to observe, he didn’t want to interfere with anything

-          He wondered what you’d dream about

-          Was it something really sweet? Would you go on an adventure to find the root of youth? Would you be enjoying a swim in a pool? Maybe you’d meet your friends from the human world

-          The posibilities were endless

-          What he didn’t count with, though, was the possibility of you having a nightmare

-          You seemed to be having a fight with two older humans. Maybe they were your parents?

-          You tried to persuade them not to make you wear the massive necklace the woman was holding

-          They had absolutely none of it

-          "Please, just don’t make me wear it. It’s not like it’s mandatory, nothing will really happen if I don’t put it on!“

-          „Nonsense! You need to! We chose this for you before you were even born, how dare you not want to wear it!“

-          "This youth, I swear, what is it that you want?! That it’s not made of silver?! OF GOLD?! Huh? Is that it? Are you really that spoiled?!“

-          "You don’t understand, I wouldn’t wear it even if it was made of the rarest metal ever! Why is it so difficult to understand it!“

-          Belphie was taken aback. He had no idea you were dealing with a struggle like that. When he thought about it, he realized you never wore any jewelry to anything, you always kept it simple with fabric patterns

-          He wondered if this dream was inspired by real life events

-          Why couldn’t some humans understand the boundaries of others was a hard thing for him to grasp

-          He decided to leave the dream and wake up for a bit. He felt you shivering and when he raised his head, he saw a pair of tears running down your cheeks

-          He hugged you tighter and fell asleep again, joining you in your dream

-          You were now alone, angry and upset at your parents

-          He came up to you and started to calm you down. You appreciated it. He couldn’t deny his curiousity and asked about the situation

-          Truns out talking about it helped you calm down more than anything and he spent the rest of the dream with you

Diavolo

-          Diavolo invited you over to hang out

-          He normally doesn’t have much time off, but since he took a liking to you, he managed to persuade Barbatos to give him more free time to be with you

-          Or he just straight up slacks from his work, he doesn’t really care

-          After sitting in the garden for a while and just catching up with each other, you suggested making anouther castle tour

-          Seriously, the castle is huge, you couldn’t fully enjoy it in a day or two, it took a while

-          He hapilly obliged, he knew the whole castle like the back of his hand

-          And there were so many stories connected to different parts of the castle

-          You loved listening to these stories, it was almost like a proffesional castle tour

-          Private, and for free and told by the actual owner

-          By now you at least vaguely remembered some of the more important royals except for Dia, Barbatos and the brothers. Maybe not in detail, but you can at least say you’ve already heard the name before

-          Today he decided to show you the treasury. You were curious what you’d see and if it also held some interesting stories to be told

-          Once the guards let you inside, you found yourself in a huge room with display boxes. Some of them were open

-          Inside the boxes was… jewelry. All different kinds, sizes and colours. You started to look over them

-          You admired the pieces for the fine craftmanship, you really did. Some of them were beautiful and breathtaking

-          Dia saw your awe and wanted you to experience as much as you can

-          "If you want, you can try some of them on, it’s okay.“ He beamed happily

-          You had to laugh a little. You got a bit nervous, but decided to calmly deny his proposition

-          "Don’t get me wrong, there are some beautiful pieces. The composition of some looks really nice! Some look so mild, yet they still say royalty. It’s almost as if it were engraved on them. But I am happy to just admire from aback, wearing jewelry makes my skin crawl. It’s something I’ve been dealing with my whole life.“

-          He nods

-          "That’s perfectly fine, too. I wouldn’t want to make you upset.“

-          He wonders if it is perhaps a common human thing and when you explain it’s extremely rare, he gets excited because he gets to experience something through you that is not common.

-          The rarity of this phobia makes him curious, so he may have some questions, but not as many as Satan

Barbatos

-          OH HE FINALLY GOT A DAY OFF

-          He needed it. He wouldn’t have ever admitted it, but he got slightly clumsier that day, which didn’t go without Diavolo noticing

-          He protested at first, but had to accept his fate anyway, because Diavolo insisted he take the day off

-          You wanted to spend the day in the mall and visit different shops to observe the differences between the Devildom and the Human world

-          You were supposed to write an essay about differences between these two worlds for the Human studies 101 subject

-          Why you had to take THAT class was completely unknown to you, but you attended anyway. I mean come on, those were some easy grades for you, since you were brought up there

-          And so Barbatos joined you on your adventure through the mall

-          Although there were some differences, most of the shops were similar to what you knew

-          Restaurants, cafés, boutiques, wine bars, adult toys stores, book stores, you name it

-          What you didn’t have in the human world was obviously magic tool stores, potion stores and potion igredients stores

-          Barbatos seemed to really enjoy talking about some of the peculiar potions that caught your eye, be it for their vibrant colours or the fact that some seemes to have sparkles in them

-          At last, you managed to come by goldsmith’s. When you saw this shop, you acted like you didn’t and went on your way to a tea house Barbatos suggested visiting after your tour

-          This surprised barbatos, since you spent some time at least writing the name of the shop down to make a note of it, but you weren’t even acknowledging the existence of this one store in particular

-          Once you both got yor tea in the tea house, he couldn’t help but ask why you just did that

-          "Oh, me and jewelry are old enemies. I don’t like wearing or even touching it, I just always want to wash my hands afterwards. I guess it’s sort of like your relationship with rats.“

-          When you mentioned rats, a shiver ran down his spine and immediately understood what you meant. He just took it as a part of you, the person he adored so much and didn’t qestion it any longer

-          He just suggested if you ever needed to vent, he’d be there for you

Solomon

-          You two made plans to bond together in his room in Purgatory Hall after school to let off some steam and vent to each other like human to human

-          This became a semi weekly tradition for you two, you both enjoyed it and you were glad you could relate to another human being

-          You were also staying for dinner that day, luckily for everyone, it was Simeon’s turn to cook

-          Don’t think he didn’t try to swap with him just so he could "impress“ you, though, he totally did

-          You were glad Simeon didn’t budge

-          After eating your meal, you both just flopped onto the couch and just decided to relax a bit

-          In silence

-          He enjoyed these silent moments, the joy of doing nothing together

-          You two soon drifted off to sleep on the couch, so when Simeon was about to tell you it was time to get you back to the House of Lamentation, and found you two asleep next to each other like that, he let Lucifer know you’d be staying the night with them

-          When you woke up and checked your D.D.D. you  almost jumped out of your skin, but then saw the message from Lucifer knowing about your situation through Simeon

-          You decided to scroll through social media, while Solomon was still sleeping

-          He soon woke up when he heard you looking through memes and trying not to laugh. You were failing miserably, though

-          Oh well, what’s done is done, now he is watching you scroll and when you find something funny, you both laugh, but not too loud, to not wake up Luke. It was around 11PM after all

-          Whenever you scrolled past an ad that was advertising jewelry, Solomon noticed you were furrowing your brows every time you found one

-          What’s more, you even hid the ads, hoping you wouldn’t get another one, but they just kept coming

-          You groaned

-          "Do they really bother you that much?“ Solomon asked sleepily

-          "I normally don’t bat an eye when I see an ad, but I do not and have never worn any jewelry, since I have kosmemophobia and touching or wearing it makes me uncomfortable. But even if I keep hiding these, they just keep popping up like they want to change my mind about it. I would much rather have ads for overprized pencil sharpeners.“

-          Well that was something he didn’t know about you. And he couldn’t even say he knew people that had the same problem as you, since he either didn’t notice it or he really just never met anyone like that

-          He asked a few questions about it, since he didn’t know anything about this phobia, and was glad he could learn something new. Even better that it was about you

Simeon

-          You decided to have picnic in a park

-          Not the most private setting but it’d do

-          You were just chatting about your lives, you mostly telling stories from the House of Lamentation, him mostly talking about his ideas for a new story

-          You were his huge inspiration and sometimes he straight up wrote down one of your stories. He assured you he would mention you as a co-author if he ever decided to publish those

-          It was getting rather late, so you packed up, carefully put all the plates and bowls back into the big basket and folded the blanket you’ve been sitting on the whole day

-          When heading back to the Purgatory Hall, he mostly talked about Luke’s different pastries. Just the description made you hyped up and you wondered if he was making something at that moment

-          You know he did. When you got back, your nose was hit with the lovely smell of cinnamon and apples and you couldn’t wait to try whatever he made

-          You had to put the things on their places first, though

-          Simeon asked you to put the basket to its place and you agreed. What you forgot though, was that its place was in a cupboard… too high for you to reach

-          Lucky for you, you knew a few spells and levitation was one of the first ones you purposely learned

-          Once Simeon saw you looking at the cupboard, he wanted to suggest you to take the folding stairs to help you, but you declined

-          "I want to do this alone, I know I can do it.“

-          He smiled and nodded, he knew he couldn’t change your mind

-          First you managed to open the doors and then you carefully levitated the basket to its place. While you were directing it where to go, your mind momentarily lost its concentration at the basket as you stared intensely at the Ring of Light on you hand

-          The name described it perfectly. It was literally a small band made out of pure light hugging one of your fingers. It was othwerwise incorporeal and only visibly showed when you used your magic

-          It took you a second to regain your concentration and you finally put it to its place

-          However, Simeon definitely noticed your momentary loss of composure there

-          "What made your mind wander off so suddenly?“ he asked, genuinly curious

-          "Oh it’s just… I am still not used to seeing the ring on my finger. It’s so weird, it doesn’t feel like anything, it just shines and what’s most surprising, I don’t feel like washing my hands constantly. It’s what would happen with normal jewelry. I am just not used to it, it’ll probably take some time.“

-          Huh! Okay then! He was just glad it wasn’t something you couldn’t handle

-          In all his long life he never met anyone who would openly speak about being disturbed by jewelry, so this was new experience to him

-          Will have questions, but reassures you you don’t have to answer any questions that might make you too uncomfortable

Luke

-          You two were assigned to find some rare herb that was supposed to be growing in the field

-          Fortunately it wasn’t far from Purgatory Hall so even if you somehow got lost, there was a high chance of actually finding your way back

-          While you were at it, you took it as the perfect time to bond with the young angel

-          So while you were searching, you both started weaving flower crowns

-          It was a fun activity and you even got to tell each other stories

-          You were reminiscing about the time you learned how to weave flower crowns and Luke was telling you things about the Celestial Realm and Michael

-          Once you were both finished, you put on each other’s flower crown and continued looking for the herb

-          Somehow it didn’t take too long for the two of you to find it

-          When you were picking it up, you flower crown fell from your head, but you managed to catch it… and not break it

-          Luke almost shrieked, but sighed in relief that nothing happened to it

-          "I have an idea, what if I transform these to not wilt! You know, like real crowns!“

-          With the mention of that, you just had to ask this question

-          "What would they then be out of, though? Metal? Plastic?“

-          He didn’t understand the intention of your question, so he straight up asked what you meant by that question

-          "Ah, excuse me, I’ll explain. I am kosmemophobic and especially metal jewelry makes me uncomfortable. I they were ot of plastic, though, I wouldn’t mind.“

-          Oh, well that explains it. He reassured you they would feel like out of resin, so you didn’t have to worry at all

-          Now you both have matching flower crowns and you can always remember Luke when you look at it

#obey me #obey me! #shall we date obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke #kosmemophobia

[seijch]

of slushies and shitty coffees ft. iwaizumi hajime.

🍬 iwaizumi hajime + gender neutral!reader

🍬 1.5k, convenience store worker!reader, vague immortal and reincarnation au

🍬 this was for vee but i think she deactivated 🧍‍♂️ its also the first one i wrote back in october so its ... maybe not my best

"you know what i am, don't you?" + being immortal boils down to 70% loneliness, 20% doing whatever the hell you want, and 10% recurring nuisances that bear an odd resemblance to your first love. 

To say you hated working the night shift would be an understatement.

Sure, most days it passed with relative ease and allowed you to study on the clock, your studies rarely interrupted. A group of friends with the munchies here, a fellow student in need of a pick-me-up there, and an elderly woman that came in like clockwork at the 4am mark to buy cat food for the strays living nearby. You were well-acquainted with the few regulars of your shift and fond of the night manager, Saeko. On paper, there would be little to hate.

But the classes you had a mere three hours after your shift ended were nothing short of a living nightmare to push through; at this point, you’re sure that your blood is almost entirely comprised of the slushies and shitty coffee you spend your shift helping yourself to.

In fact, you’re in the middle of making yourself one of these slushies when the door opens behind you. “Welcome,” you throw over your shoulder, catching a glimpse of the customer as you achieve slushie-making self-actualization.

Your mouth goes dry instantly.

You’re sure they don’t just let Greek gods walk into the nearest 7-11, but there’s clearly a first time for everything. He’s handsome, with a jaw sculpted from the highest quality marble money could buy. In an attempt to prevent your jaw from hitting the floor, you take a long sip of the slushie. “Fuck!” you hiss, clutching your head as you wait for the brain freeze to recede.

In the time that it takes you to get back to the register, the attractive stranger is about ready to check out. “Just this for you?” you ask, the only noise being the whir of the air conditioning and the scanner beeping at the energy bars. When you don’t get a response, you glance up at him. He’s looking right at you, but there’s something deeper behind it.

It’s like he knows you, that you’re as familiar to him as the beat of his heart, the air in his lungs. It’s both too heavy and entirely too intimate for an interaction that consists of you ringing up his 2AM transaction of three protein bars. ”That’ll be $4.17.”

He pays in exact change. Not another word is exchanged between you, but the intrigue and infatuation you have for the stranger lingers, even into the classes you have the morning after.

The next time you see him, he’s with someone else. A friend, you assume — the man with the perfect brown hair ribs at him as they walk in. Once he makes eye contact with you, however, he falls silent.

You’re beginning to feel like you’re missing out on something, especially when the stranger’s friend pulls him over, saying something in a hushed whisper. Something begins to prickle at your skin, and it’s not (just) the way the AC vent blasts on you from where you‘re sitting.

Thankfully, Saeko has excellent timing, bringing the mop out and greeting the two with a wide grin. “We doing alright over here, boys?” They nod, Mr. Shampoo Commercial saying something about midnight cravings before they make their way to the slushie machine.

”Listen,” Saeko whispers to you as the mop passes your spot at the register, “if those boys do or even say anything strange, you know what to do.” When you’d first started working the night shift, Saeko had been very clear that your safety was her top priority.

(“You college kids remind me of my baby brother,” she’d told you one night as you dusted the shelves. “I know it’d kill me if any of you got hurt.”)

You ring up two slushies: one cherry and one cola. Mr. Shampoo Commercial’s the one paying, and it’s as you‘re returning his change that he decides to speak. “Don’t you remember us?” His voice is smooth, with a dangerous lilt to it.

”Oikawa,” warns Mr. Protein Bar. “Don’t.”

”Why not, Iwa?” To you, Oikawa asks, “It’s been a while, don’t you think?”

”I’m sorry,” you say, trying to keep your voice even in the face of his questions, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your foot is poised to knock over a busted shelf behind you; it was Saeko’s alarm system, something she claimed could be heard from anywhere in the store.

A look is exchanged between the two men. You don’t bother trying to read it; it’s the sea and the storm, roiling with a language only the two of them are fluent in. “Sorry,” Iwa says, taking his slushie and shoving the cherry one in Oikawa’s hands. “Have a nice night.”

You don‘t see Iwa for a few weeks. The next time you do, he’s alone. It’s another wordless exchange; this time, he’s buying two cans of shitty coffee. “Is your friend waiting outside?” you ask. He looks surprised to hear your voice, probably expecting you to give him the bare minimum after your last encounter.

”Actually,” he rubs the back of his neck, sliding one of the cans your way, “that one’s for you. Sorry about what happened last time.” He pops open the tab of his coffee. “Oikawa doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut.”

You nod, opening your own can. ”What was that all about?” you ask, taking a stab in the dark. You miss, unfortunately: he almost chokes on his coffee, the lines on his face growing more defined as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

”Don’t worry about it.”

It‘s a shitty answer paired with shitty coffee, but you take it.

And if you notice that he almost glimmers with an unreal sheen under the flickering fluorescent light, you dismiss the thought. Nothing else seems very real at three in the morning anyway.

He becomes another regular, swinging by twice a week. Two cans of coffee, paid for with exact change. You don’t have the heart to tell him that as an employee, you could just take from the pot whenever you wanted before you had to brew a new one for the morning rush. At first, he slides the can to you and wishes you a good night on his way out, but he grows more chatty as the weeks go by.

He asks about your day, asks about class, asks about work. Never does he share anything about the life he leads outside of shitty coffee and the four walls of the humble convenience store.

But it comes, little by little, like mismatched pieces forming the mosaic of Iwaizumi Hajime. You see it in the weight of the world trapped in his gaze, the way he rolls broad shoulders as if expecting the bones to crack. Most of all, you realize as you take a sip from your can one night, it’s the way he seems to know you better than you know yourself.

It started simple enough, a nod and a flash of something on his face when you told him what you were majoring in. A knowing chuckle, more to himself, when you mention how the old woman that bought cat food was one of your favorite customers. It comes, little by little, until one piece remains. The only way to get it is to ask.

He beats you to it. “You know what I am, don’t you?” he asks as you’re lifting tonight’s can of coffee to your lips. You spare him a glance before taking a long sip, delaying a response for as long as possible.

“You definitely look too good to be human.”

The corners of his lips twitch. “It’s good to know you never change.” You set the now empty can on the counter.

“Have we met before?” Iwaizumi, at least, has the decency to look sheepish. “Your friend with the perfect hair asked if I remembered you.” He snorts with the identifier you’ve given Oikawa, but you press on. “I don’t. But I think you remember me.”

You wait with bated breath for the final piece to fall into place, but he regards you with a look you can’t read.

You’re about to chalk it up to another swing and a miss, but he pulls out his wallet, a worn leather thing. From it comes a single picture, the color faded yellow, the image predating even black and white photography.

It’s Iwaizumi, looking just the same as he does now. He’s got his arm around the person next to him, pressing a kiss to their forehead. The other person is grinning from ear to ear, and it doesn’t take long to recognize who it is.

It’s you.

#haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi scenario #haikyuu scenario #iwaizumi hajime #half-assed tagging bc i dont rlly care anymore #anyway this is a fun concept but to me its clearly one of the ones that cant be made into a 500k epic spanning all of time itself #oh to reach slushie making self actualization #me googling for firsthand experiences of 7-11 night shift workers #i see room for expansion but hm . maybe for the ao3 post #anyway . hee #shoutout vee idk if she remade but she was my first req

[babypinkhearts]

heyy! can i ask for a killua x fem! reader, where the reader is a healer and killua comes back with major wounds/scars from a fight and the reader has to take care of him,even thought she's just a novice hunter 🥺 thank you and take your time. have a nice day!💞

ahh i was thinking about writing something like this! i tweaked with it a little, i hope you don’t mind 🥺 thank you so so much for requesting! <3

pairing: killua zoldyck + reader

warnings: descriptions of wounds, blood, and slight agnst. overall fluff 🥺

with every footstep, the grass below you rustled.

heavy pants left your lips, the feeling of exhaustion slowly increasing. you fought the urge to stop, though your legs were practically screaming in protest.

every stride had gotten faster, the adrenaline fueling your speed.

you needed to get there as quickly as possible.

no amount of certainty could calm you down - your head was spinning and the aching feeling in your gut wouldn’t loosen.

the dreadful phone call you had recieved only minutes ago was stuck on replay.

the fright that was easily heard from their tone of voice - it haunted you.

“y-y/n! you have to come! killua-“

at the mere sentence, you had hung up and rushed to where you last saw your group.

he promised you that he’d be careful.

he promised that he’d come back unscathed.

he promised you that everything would be alright.

it were bare promises made by the link of your two pinkies.

now, he had broken it.

killua was strong and skilled. you knew that. he had endured a lot within his entire life.

rarely was he ever injured.

which meant that when he was, it was bad.

reluctantly had you let him and gon leave without you.

their reasoning was that you were “the most important element of the team” and with your abilites, it put you at a valuable position.

though you weren’t as nearly skilled as they were in combat, your ability to heal wounds made you the anchor of the group.

if someone got hurt - you’d be there to save them.

but regardless of how powerful your nen was - it didn’t have the ability of preventing injuries.

all you could do was make them better.

you wished there was a way to shield your friends from harm’s way. you hated to see them in pain. yet - you were grateful you were gifted with the power to eventually take that pain away.

it was hard to see in front of you - the moon barely granting any light to your surroundings.

you trusted your pure instincts to lead the way through the dark forest, mentally giving yourself words of encouragement to ease your anxiety.

he’ll be okay.

you’re going to help him.

don’t slow down now - you’re almost there.

and with another turn, you faintly made out the sight of bright green clothing.

a boost of energy ran across your body and you suddenly began to sprint. your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest - the aggressive pounding becoming admittedly concerning.

“gon!”

you watched as his head snapped up, his eyes growing wide as he noticed you.

you reached him in mere seconds, panting heavily. sweat ran down your face - your figure tembling in exhaustion.

you couldn’t stop - not now.

hastily, gon grabbed your wrist rather roughly, pulling you along as he headed toward a larger tree.

your head spun as you followed him, the lack of rest slowly catching on to you.

you disregarded your condition - eyes trailing on gon’s dark hair.

he hadn’t said anything.

“w-where is he?” you questioned, fear crawling on your skin as you noticed his lack of words.

his back was faced toward you, his head down low as he increased his pace.

“gon? gon! where’s kil-“

as you turned the corner, you felt like you were going to pass out.

upon a tree laid a far-too-familiar boy.

his body covered in wounds.

never, had you seen injuries as bad as the ones your eyes were currently laid upon.

for a second, you forgot how to breathe.

the condition he was in was almost scarring - you felt sick to your stomach.

“killua!” you exclaimed, dropping to your knees beside him. your hands shook as they cupped his face. his chest was rising rather slowly, each breath labored.

to your relief, his eyes slightly open, half lidded as they gazed upon you.

the blue was rather dim, now supporting more of a depressing gray.

the sight made you let out a whimper, your head quickly shaking in disapproval at your action.

now isn’t the time to panic.

“o-okay,” you breathed, swallowing the sob that threatened to come out. “you’re going to be okay - alright, kil?”

it was more of a rhetorical question.

and as much as you didn’t want to admit it -

it sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than him.

“stay strong for me, please.” you begged, gently pressing a hand on his abdomen - where his most severe injury was.

killua jolted against your touch, hissing at the painful contact.

the wound was deep - blood had completely soaked the clothes around it. from what you had seen - it looked like a miracle that he was still conscious. the blood loss was extreme.

“i know, i know.” you cooed, smoothing out his hair, trying your best to comfort him.

the amount of energy it’d take to completely heal him would be.... draining.

but if it meant that he’d be alright in the end - you’d do it a hundred times again.

lifting his shirt, you smoothed your hand across the damaged skin, whispering an unintelligible phrase under your breath.

killua had seen you heal people dozens of times.

he could never exactly hear what you muttered to yourself before you healed someone.

he was sure it was the name of the ability - but he never dared to ask. since you said it so lowly each time - it was clear you wanted it to remain a secret.

your eyes closed in concentration, carefully directing your aura to your hands.

you had been blessed with an ability to take away pain.

something that so many people craved - you could easily do in within seconds.

the aura in your hands glowed a bright white, shielding the view of killua’s injuries.

it grew slightly difficult to keep your hands in place - your eyes shutting even tighter as you drew a deep breath.

killua laid still, his eyes widening as the aching pain all over his body began to dull away.

all traces of blood were fading - the deep wounds on his skin slowly closing.

is this what angel’s breath felt like?

he could hardly remember.

when he had originally experienced it, it was on the lands of greed island.

his hands had been severely damaged due to the game of dodgeball against razor.

an adrenaline-filled memory, to say the least.

he recalled the use of the angel’s breath card.

when it had been used on him, it felt like a refreshing gust of wind. it had happened too quick for him to completely remember.

but this - your ability felt much different.

from the second you laid your hands on him, he immediately felt better. the comfort of your presence - you were the angel.

nothing was too quick. he could perfectly engrave every single detail in his mind.

he could see your nen.

he could see his injuries being restored.

his eyes didn’t miss one detail.

and he certainly didn’t miss the look of desperation on your face as you gently comforted him, begging him to keep his eyes open.

“killua?”

he blinked, nearly jumping at the sudden call.

you sat beside him, your expression full of relief. exhaustion was also part of it - but you could manage with it.

you had done your best.

with the amount of pure concentration it took - you managed to stop all the bleeding and heal all of the major wounds.

thankfully, your best had been enough.

“how do you feel?” you softly asked, your expression full of worry.

you felt guilty that you couldn’t completely heal him - you lacked the energy to. any more longer and you’re sure you would’ve passed out.

killua attempted to sit up, though immediately fell back, a groan leaving his lips.

your eyes widened, your arms wrapping around his torso to help him.

“i-i’m so sorry i couldn’t be more use - i promise i’ll heal you better, just give me five min-“

a harsh pull into his chest shut you up.

with a surprised gasp, arms wrapped around you. you felt him bury his face into your neck, his breath slightly tickling you.

“i should be sorry, idiot.”

you froze.

“i promise you i’d be careful.” he continued, closing his eyes. “i’m so sorry for breaking that. along with everything else.”

slowly, you copied his actions, embracing him.

he shouldn’t feel guilty. especially after what he just went through.

“don’t be. i’m just glad i made it to you on time.” you whispered. you felt his grip tighten.

“thank you for that.” he breathed. from his hold on you, he still felt your body shaking.

it was reasonable - a few minutes too late and he could’ve died.

the mere thought of it drove the two of you anxious, the need to embrace one another growing stronger.

a quick thought circled your mind, your head lifting from killua’s shoulder as you inspected the area around the two of you.

gon was no where in sight.

sensing your tensed body, killua pulled away, raising a brow at you.

he noticed your wandering eyes, realization hitting him.

“he went to get everyone else.”

you blinked, tilting your head at the white-haired boy.

the sudden absence of your green-clothed friend worried you, anxious thoughts appearing in your mind.

“how do you know?” you questioned, furrowing your brows.

killua sighed at your cautious self, shaking his head. he knew you were still on edge - rightfully so.

“i told him before he contacted you. in case of an emergency like this.” he explained, his bright blue eyes looking at you.

relief soared through you, a sigh leaving your lips.

“alright.” you replied, nodding.

your gaze turned to killua, scanning his face.

a few small cuts were scattered across the skin - though nothing bad.

“we need to get you cleaned up.” you mumbled, gently running a thumb over a tiny bruise on his jawline.

killua hummed in response, his eyes closed.

with a heavy sigh, you leaned against the tree behind you.

for a moment, it was peaceful.

the wait for the rest of the group was filled with long talks.

you almost lost each other.

you felt the need to bask in one another’s presence.

for every laugh that was shared, you felt your heart grow more and more.

if you hadn’t been there in time...

you could’ve lost him.

though, here he was.

right beside you.

a smile on his face.

staring at you with the most loving eyes you could ever imagine.

and you thanked the world for it.

#hunter x hunter #killua zoldyck #hunterxhunter #hunter x hunter imagines #hunter x hunter headcanon #killua x reader #killua x gon #killua zoldyck x reader #killua #gon freecss #gon freccs #hunter x hunter x reader #hxh #gon hxh #killua hxh #hxh x reader #hxh imagines #hxh headcanons #killugon #anime imagines #anime #anime x reader #zoldyck #illumi x reader #illumi zoldyck #hisoka x reader #hunter x hunter oneshots #phantom troupe x reader #kurapika kurta x reader #kurapika x reader

[shinidamachu]

yo asking someone to make a wish so half of their heritage is gone forever is fridge horror-level wtfness (thnx TV Tropes).

of course RT and Sunrise chose not to focus on it, and in mythology people do give up divinity or humanity for romantic reasons, but specifically in Inuyasha it was like ‘despite your demon half you can still live a good life’ as if he has some disease 🤨

like I get in history people have had to hide their heritage to survive war and avoid being shipped off to their death or lose their rights, but to ask someone to permanently discard half their heritage and presumably hide their origins until death is tragic as fuuuuuuuuuuu

It's not even that they chose not to focus on it, is that they deliberately portrayed it as this grand romantic gesture from Inuyasha’s part and for a part of the audience, it truly was. But then again, this backfired for people like me, because it only served to proof how desperate Inuyasha really was to fit in.

Poor guy was literally planning on using the jewel to become a full demon just the day before. Then, at Kikyo’s request, he agreed on doing the exact opposite with little to no deliberation other than “what will be made of you, Kikyo?” I can only assume he was afraid her feelings were conditional. That if he had said no, she would have called it quits.

Imagine the same situation, but this time Inuyasha has a support system to lean on. Prejudice against half demons are still a thing, however he has his parents, his friends, a place to belong. Would he still have said yes in order to live with Kikyo? I honestly doubt it.

You see, Inuyasha hates being human. Not in the sense of saying he hates it, but liking it in secret. He actively hates it. And I can’t stress enough that we don’t actually understand how rightfully entitled he is to hate it.

We know how a human body feels like, we’re used to have a human body. Inuyasha is only human once a month. The majority of time he is a half demon. That’s what he is used to. Even worse: put yourself in his shoes. If you were to lose half your strength, half your sight, half your hearing and speed every single New Moon, you'd curse that night too. 

Not to mention the sheer vulnerability of being emotionally and physically exposed, of not being able to protect yourself or the ones you care about and becoming a "burden” when he takes pride of being the (un)official guardian of the group. No wonder he felt so hopeless he made a point out of staying up all night. And this is what Kikyo was asking him to feel like every single day for the rest of his existence so their life together could be easier, with the aditional quicker of forever losing the features that marked him as his father’s son. You know, the man who died saving him and his mother.

Every single character that got close enough to find out about his night of weakness quickly became aware of how much he despises it. Now, we don’t know the exact duration of Inuyasha and Kikyo’s relationship, but here are our options: Kikyo didn’t know about the New Moon and that Inuyasha hated turning into human or she did know and decided to go for it anyway.

Considering that the latter option is straight up awful, I’ll just assume she simply didn’t know. What does this say about their relationship? If they were an item for a considerable period of time, how come she didn’t know about such a fundamental thing about him? Especially when people who weren’t even his love interest were aware of that fact pretty early on? What was it worth all that time together if they didn’t use it to have meaningful interactions and get to know one another? If Inuyasha was keeping secrets from her and if she wasn’t interested in learning them?

On the other hand, if their relationship was indeed short lived, that could justify the lack of knowledge, but a different issue raises: if they didn’t have time to collect basic information about each other, how am I supposed to believe in their love? How am I supposed to view the decision to erase his demonic side and live together as anything other than reckless, impulsive and thoughtless? How am I not supposed to see it as mutual convenience, a mean to an end? How am I not supposed to think they are acting out of lonileness and desire to fit in? How am I not supposed to think that if literally anyone else had given them the same options they would have taken it? 

A New Moon would have happened in at least one month, tops. That’s not love. That’s a thirty days affair. It could have grown into love, if given the chance, but the pairing seemed more interested in the life they ideolized for themselves than in each other.

I don’t think Kikyo meant it as an ultimatum or that she was disgusted by his demonic attributes. She wouldn’t have approached or kissed him as a half demon otherwise. But I think it’s hard to deny that she wasn’t necessarily fond of them either, since she jumped at the opportunity to get rid of them first chance she got, with no remorse whatsoever. As if it was a bonus. This allowed with the fact that the prejudice against half demons is an allegory for racism and that she used from false equivalence to make the point that both her and Inuyasha were in the same situation puts her in a bad light.

Inuyasha was isolated by people because of his heritage, something he couldn’t change without resorting to intrusive, traumatizing and permanent magic, which Kikyo herself suggested he did. Kikyo isolated herself. People loved her because of her status and she was a privileged woman in comparison. She could have dropped everything since she was unhappy living like that, but she spontaneously chose her duty and powers over love and an ordinary life. And as much as I disagree with her choices, I can at least respect and understand them. What I can’t do is feel sympathy for her when the consequences of said choices catch up with her.

The narrative doesn’t give this problem much focus, it treats it in a much more subtle way. For instance: the jewel only being destroyed by the right wish, paints wishing for Inuyasha to become human as wrong and selfish, with the potential to be catastrophic.

That being said, Inuyasha didn’t hate being a half demon, on the contrary. What he hated was being ostracized over it, so he decided to take matters on his own hands and, when he was free to choose between using the jewel to become a full demon or a human, he went the full demon route because he knew living as human would made him miserable. But the desire of being a full demon was a facade. What he so very clearly wanted, all along, was to be accepted the way he was. That’s why he had no trouble letting go of that goal to pursue the exact  opposite: there was no attachment to it. Full demon or human, he longed for a place to belong. If Kikyo was offering that to him, of course he would have taken it, even if becoming human was far from being the first choice.

Compare that with Inuyasha finally giving up from becoming a full demon, realizing he didn’t have to change at all, that he had a place to belong and people who loved him not despite of what he was but because of it, that he could be accepted as a half demon. Compare that with Inuyasha ending up with the girl that always encouraged him to be himself, with being comfortable enough around her to follow his instincts and embracing his canine mannerisms rather than shutting them down, which he didn’t quite did with Kikyo... The message is clear:

Kikyo should never, in any circumstance, have asked that of him. The implications of it were really bad and on paper it was a win-win situation for her because getting rid of the jewel to become an ordinary woman was something she already wanted. He was the one with the short end of the stick, sacrificing everything without the same level of compromising from her part.

And Inuyasha should never, in any circumstance, have accepted this deal. As his love interest, Kikyo should have been the very first persond advocating for him not to change. If the feelings they had for each other truly were love, then she should be the one helping him getting to terms with himself while he does the same for her, not legitimizing the absurd idea that a part of his essence was less worthy of existing than the other, that he should have be the one to change in order to fit in, rather than the people who oppressed him.

Thematically, even if subtle, the narrative did a decent job out of showing the audience how fucked up the whole thing actually was. What it failed to do was making Inuyasha and the others realizing how wrong it was and holding Kikyo accountable for her actions by making them talk about it.

Because God forbid Kikyo gets vocally told she was wrong (even though she often is) and God forbid Takahashi give Inukik the tiniest bit of substance and relationship development.

#Sorry if I'm not making any sense #I apologize for my rambling #And for taking so long to reply #But as you can obviously see I got carried away #Sidmailing

[im-whatchamccallit]

Circles//Kim Doyoung (NCT 127)

Pairing: Kim Doyoung x Fem!Reader

Genre: Series/Multiple parts, Mafia/Crime!AU, Suggestive, Angst, Fluff, Potential Smut in future chapters

Warnings: Suggestive content, mention of guns and murder, mentions of the mafia and organized crime

Word Count: 4.5k

(A/N: So, like I said in one of my last post, I’m trying to start a series so that I will have a reason to post more often and not let this blog die the way I did before. Only problem? This was the first thing that came to mind and I’ve been terrified it won’t do well so please leave feedback if you like it so I know to continue it. This is also my first NCT 127 post so... Yay! Also, I recently read about how taboo a lot of people think the mafia/crime AUs are in fanfiction and I want to be cautious of their feelings in regards to this which is why I also haven’t posted it but I just want to post something while getting out of my writers block. But, again, leave feedback on whether you love it or hate it, leave request if you want, anything’s appreciated.)

Masterlist|Guidelines

You’ve seen elegance but never at this level, eyes glued to the ceiling that seemed to reach heights you could only dream of, not even thirty basketball players stacked onto one another’s shoulders able to graze the top. The sparkling from the crystal gold leaf chandeliers adding to the fairytale-like atmosphere as servers of all kind bustled around you offering food and drinks at any given chance, your hand reluctantly staying at your side as you declined their generosity. You were starving, but you had a job to do and, that job, was Song Minhyun.

He was the newly appointed Don of the Amarillo family, his father passing away from an unknown condition only a week ago but, based on how fast Minhyun made the world aware that he was now in control of all the illicit acts committed in the name of Amarillo after years of having their identity protected and undisclosed, even going as far as to threaten and betray the various families beneath him in an insane power trip, it was clear his father’s death was no accident. But you were never a fan of that man, he was creepy with a bad attitude to match, so this task wasn’t some gesture of vengeance for him, it was strictly about you and your family.

Just like the Amarillo’s, your family went under an alternative name, Nio’s, which closely resembled the name of the pharmaceutical manufacturing company masking it, Neo Tech. It always made you laugh considering no one caught on to their association, given Nio’s were the largest distributors and exporters of controlled substances in majority of the Eastern hemisphere. But joining Nio’s wasn’t a life you wanted to live, you were practically forced into it, but once you’ve engrained yourself into a life of organized crime, it was impossible to leave. You lived every day with the mindset of kill or be killed, Minhyun’s threats to expose your operations to the NIS who, after the death of Nio’s founder, Kim Dongwan, assumed your family officially ceased activity in the crime syndicate, being your main motive for taking him down. Sure, you were ordered to handle the assassination but, considering you could face life in prison simply for everything you’ve done in the name of Nio’s, you were more than willing. There was one problem though, Song Minhyun was an absolute dream.

Your thoughts seemed to fade into nothingness when you initiated conversation, going with the plan to seduce and kill him only to find he was much more enticing than you anticipated. He was a year or so older than you yet spoke like he was some immortal seer, his wisdom and life stories drawing you in and leaving your heart racing. His smile was so wide and gummy but eyes sharp and attentive, never leaving yours even as he drew you further from the crowd which, according to Taeyong, was not part of the plan. And you couldn’t begin to understand how fucked you were.

You didn’t know where he was taking you, too focused on his words while simultaneously adjusting your silky white dress to reveal more cleavage from the already plunging v-neck and your walk becoming sultrier to expose more of your leg from the thigh-high slit.

“You know, you shouldn’t focus too much on your looks when you’re naturally beautiful.” Minhyun spoke, your eyes darting to him as your hands returned to your sides, a shy giggle echoing in the now deserted hallway he lead you through.

“Can you blame me? Standing next to an attractive man can really mess with a girl’s self-esteem.” You admitted, suddenly feeling like some high schooler in a rom-com.

“Well, I can help with those insecurities. Just tell me where to start and I’ll make you feel like an absolute queen.” Your breath hitched as his body turned to face you, hand reaching to cup your neck but it was large enough that his thumb could glide over your bottom lip with ease, smudging your red lipstick against your skin teasingly but still holding your gaze.

His presence, the sheer dominance he exuded made you whimper in a mixture of fear and pleasure. You weren’t going planning to escape yet he made the initiative to hold you close to him, an arm wrapped securely around your waist making a heat rush through you that could only be described as want, no longer aware of your duties and no longer caring. He was perfect, and you wanted a piece of his perfection. Maybe for the night, maybe forever, you decided you’d choose after whatever surprise he had for you was done in the dark office he dragged you into, your excitement blocking out the burning gaze from just down the hall.

Minhyun shut the door, not bothering to lock it seeing that you were so willing and easy to remain with him. He knew who you were and what you were planning to do. You were an orphan taken in by Nio’s, trained to be a child soldier for a man who couldn’t even hold his own against Minhyun’s father, now under Taeyong’s rules and orders. But knowing that his first encounter with Taeyong was less than stellar and the sudden ultimatum to forfeit all their assets to the Amarillos or be handed over to the police for sentences that can range from 50 years to death for each and every one of his precious borgata, the only thing Taeyong could do was kill him and you, unfortunately were just a pawn in those plans.

“You know, your looks are nothing to be insecure about. You’re beautiful beyond comprehension.” He spoke lowly, inching closer and guiding you to his large desk just by the window, the moonlight that seeped through the blinds the only form of light allowing you to take in his features.

You gasped as he grabbed your hips, spinning you and pressing you over the desk. You sighed in contentment at the feeling of his hands caressing up your thighs, dress riding up and slowly revealing the black thong you had, a low chuckle leaving his lips at the sight. Not just because you were practically bare before him, but at the pocket pistol held securely in its holster that you managed to forget about. It was a Glock 42, making him proud that he did his research on you because, if he was in your position right now, and the number of murders you committed were accurate, he’d be a goner already.

“(Y/n), if only you were as smart as you are beautiful.” He said, your eyes widening at the way he spoke but, more importantly, he knew your name. Your real name. Not the one you were given for this mission.

“How’d you-Ow!” You whimpered as he grabbed your hair, pulling you upwards until your back was flush with his chest.

Tears were pricking your eyes, your breathing heavy as you felt a cool metal press to your temple swallowing hard while simultaneously attempting to reach to your thigh discretely to find your own gun, only to find it was the one in his hand.

“When I read about you, I was so intrigued. So curious. You know there’s only one photo of you online and it’s a mugshot from when you were still living on the streets?” He laughed out loud at that, ignoring the way your body thrashed against his in an attempt to free yourself, head leaning further away from the possibly cocked gun in fear that he was finished monologuing already.

“But you’re really weak. And I’d usually like that in women, especially when they’re this submissive but, them wanting to kill me is a deal breaker. So what am I to do if I have the opportunity to murder my would-be assassin?” His lips were pressed to the shell of your ear, your eyes squeezed shut as you tried to silently apologize to the Nio’s. Sorry that you let your guard down, that you let some pretty face turn you into some horny teenager, the only plus side to your death being that it wouldn’t be Taeyong killing you because you knew how much he loved to torture before doing the deed. And with that final thought, you were ready to die, just hoping that someone else could finish the job you’ve failed tonight. And they did.

The sound of the door colliding with the wall was all you heard, followed by two hollow gunshots. Your eyes flew open as you felt Minhyun’s body fall limp against yours, hand slowly releasing your hair until you could move again, quickly shoving him off to adjust your dress to cover yourself before facing your silent savior, your heart stopping at the fierce, angry, “don’t move or I’ll kill you too” gaze Doyoung was giving you.

It was one thing to piss off Taeyong, you knew what to expect, but with Doyoung? He wasn’t a killer. In fact, he was the medic of your unit, coming along in case things went awry and someone needed instant care. He was a gentle person with a snappy attitude, but never one to act on his threats, so to see him with a gun in his hand, a body lying face first in blood from its skull and chest created by the man himself and approaching you with a scowl so deep you thought his baby face would finally start to wrinkle, you felt more fear than when you were almost dead.

“D-doyoung. Thank yo-“ You gasped as your head turned, eyes stinging with tears and cheek burning in both embarrassment and from the harsh impact his hand left.

You slowly peered up, afraid he’d strike you again just to see Yuta and Haechan slipping by silently, giving you a brief glance while collecting to fallen shells and your gun from Minhyun, only to leave you alone once more with the unpredictable aid.

“Doyoung-“

“Let’s go.”

Those were the only words he said before turning to head out of the office, your body immediately following close behind. He was silent the entire time, stuffing the pistol back into his waistband before buttoning his suit’s blazer to conceal it, leading the both of you through the still bumbling party and to the exit. Everything he did felt so tense despite being so normal. The way he spoke to the valets, how he entered the car without bothering to open the door for you, even his group call letting everyone know the task was done felt hostile. But you said nothing, continuing to wait idly by and praying he forgot about the situation.

You were tempted to break the awkward silence looming between the both of you on this seemingly hours long drive but, from the way he was radiating heat from how angry he was, you felt staying silent would be best. But you didn’t want to stay silent. You wanted to thank him for saving you while simultaneously screaming at him for slapping you, but also have one normal conversation with him. It was painful to admit that for the past few years you both weren’t exactly friendly with one another, no one seeming to care as “this was strictly business”, and you hated it. You never said it but you loved the Nio’s members and knew they loved you and each other as well, but for some reason the only two people that kept this family at arms length were the core members, Lee Taeyong and Kim Doyoung.

You knew Doyoung wasn’t a fan of the family ever since his father introduced him to that life, pissed he didn’t follow in his older brother’s footsteps and leave as soon as possible. He was supposed to be the heir to the family and be the boss of the 18 people living under his roof and the 7 working overseas in China to keep production there running and, as much as you didn’t want the responsibility, he was in too deep to run away. He opted to stop training for field work, developing a phony passion for medicine and surgery which led to him becoming the emergency medic for the team and no longer catching his father’s fancy for taking over their empire, leading to his heirship being rescinded. And as for the spot as heir? Doyoung’s father ordered Taeyong to fill. You knew Taeyong a lot better than the others but were utterly shocked to see him take over so easily. He was obviously a natural born leader but he had a habit of complaining about not always wanting to be in charge, using you as his unwilling therapist when he felt like reverting to his unintimidating, crybaby self. But there was no exit at this point, so what more could you do than make the most of a bad situation by befriending one another and having fun when you felt your lives were no longer in danger? And, whether they liked it or not, they were going to have fun with you and the rest of their constantly growing family.

“Y-you know, I was more scared of you then being killed back there. I’ve never seen you so mad.” You laughed, hoping to at least get a smile or something from him, your eyes glancing over to see his grip on the steering wheel tighten at your words. Maybe you should’ve just shut up.

“Doyoung, I’m sorry I put you in a situation where you had to kill, I know you hate stuff like that but, if it wasn’t for you, I’d probably be dead. Besides, it’s kinda like medicine if you think about it. Except you saved a life by taking one rather than just giving drugs to- OW!” You cried out as he slammed on the brakes, the only thing keeping you from flying through the windshield being your hands on the dashboard and the seatbelt crossed over your chest and waist.

“You bitch!” You snapped at him, watching his blank expression as he removed his seatbelt and turned off the car.

“Meet me in my office. You have five minutes.” Doyoung said plainly, your eyes fixed on him in bewilderment as he exited the car with no concern for you.

You let out an annoyed breath, your fear from before mixed with anger as you hurriedly followed his lead, leaving the car and speed walking to the front door he was entering through. To your surprise, most of the guys were there, not sparing either of you a glance as they knew what had happened and knew better than to interfere, but one person didn’t keep quiet.

“(Y/n), what the FUCK did I tell you?” Taeyong growled, your body practically jumping as he cornered you in the entrance’s corridor, eyes burning with anger and panic that you knew he had no way of controlling. He was always a hothead.

“I-I-“

“I’m having the meeting with her, Taeyong. Don’t bother. You have two minutes.” Doyoung spoke, voice fading as he continued down the hall to the small office he typically frequented to buy and sell shipment for Nio’s personal and professional use.

As soon as he was out of earshot, you grabbed Taeyong’s hands, eyes wide and teary as you tried to plead with him to save you.

“You went off where we couldn’t see you and didn’t even complete the mission. You could have been dead by now.”

“I know and you can punish however you want but, Taeyong, Doyoung is pissed, and I don’t know what to do. He already slapped me, now he’s not even speaking to me,”

“He never talks to you.”

“He does sometimes, when he wants to be a sarcastic asshole! But, please, Taeyong, talk to him. Calm him down so he doesn’t hurt me again.” You tried to use a soft voice, hoping to strike a sympathetic nerve in the doe-eyed man.

“(Y/n/n),” Taeyong sighed, cupping your face and making you lock eyes with him.

“You fucked up and made Doyoung do something he’s sworn to himself and us that he’d never do. His anger is justified. But I’ll be there for you whenever you’re in danger, whether it’d be an enemy or anyone living in this house, I’ll never let you get hurt.” He gave a warm smile, your lips curling to mimic his.

“But not tonight. You put us all at risk as you need to face the consequences.”

“Taeyong!”

“I’ll visit you in the infirmary later tonight.” You whimpered in fear as he kissed the crown of your head and pushed you in the direction of the office, heels clicking against the white marble floor as you stumbled to what might be your imminent doom.

You could taste blood in your mouth from the way you bit down on your tongue to ease your anxiety, your once statue-like body moving forward with caution although the chilly air was urging you to retreat. You couldn’t turn back because Taeyong would just escort you to Doyoung himself but if you went straight to Doyoung, who knows what he’d do. You couldn’t even take a second to cry over your dilemma once you noticed the dark brown mahogany door. The office was soundproof, something you both loved and hated. Whatever Doyoung wanted to scream at you would go unheard by the men possibly showering and preparing for bed after a somewhat successful evening, but then they wouldn’t hear you scream for help. It reminded you of earlier tonight, making the situation a bit more lighthearted until you realized you could’ve died then and would possibly die now.

“Oh god,” You breathed out in a whisper, shutting your eyes and taking a deep breath as your hand gripped the steel doorknob, turning it and entering the spacious and organized room.

“Doyoung.” You spoke lowly, shutting the door behind you but refusing to move any closer to him as he sat with an unrecognizable file before him.

“July of 2016, you were assigned to deliver a new batch of amphetamines to Xu Minghao who ran the Chinese operations of Sebong. Instead of cooperating with Weishen, AKA the Chinese sector of your own team, you thought doing the drop off yourself would be fine, only to let your guard down and let it slip that you were in Nio’s which promptly lead to you not only being ambushed, but Sicheng jumping in to save you and being shot in the lower back in the process.” He said blandly, flipping over the page to yet another as you swallowed hard at the memory, accidentally mentioning Haechan’s name and revealing you weren’t just a middle man in their operation but a direct asset, and Winwin payed the price for your stupidity.

“I remember just fine, but-“

“February of 2017, you knowingly entered enemy territory in Kyoto without alerting Yuta who, as you’ve always known, is in charge of our Japanese affairs. He has people over there for a reason, to handle the shit we can’t while we’re in Seoul. But you waltz over there and initiate a gang war that has only now been resolved.” He said, voice growing in annoyance and animosity that was a complete 180 from his once emotionless tone, your voice caught in your throat as you also remembered that day. You were on vacation and thought it’d be fine as long as you went in some disguise, but you were too well known and the fact you couldn’t speak Japanese only made it worse. You even remembered how Yuta refused to talk to you for months as he traveled constantly to fix your mistake.

“I-I know I fucked up that time but I tried to explain and I-“

“And that brings us to tonight! You had to stay in the spotlight with the man threatening not only your life but everyone you know in Nio’s and neighboring groups, and lead him back to the apartment we set up for you for a simple and quick execution, but you decide to go further into his mansion, expose yourself to him, and allow him to nearly murder you with your bare ass out!” His voice was strained as he screamed this time, your eyes watering as he pushed the large leather chair back to stand, making his way around the desk to approach you.

“I’d remind you about what happened in 2013, but I’m sure you’d never forget that.” He said with no emotion once more, your eyes low as you tried to suppress the urge to touch your slightly sunken head. Your our only job was to shoot if you saw someone escaping during an exchange but, instead, you were hit yourself, every medic working hard to keep you from dying and leaving you with a partially shaved head and a new metal plate in your skull.

“But I want you to tell me who saved your ass that time, (Y/n)?” His voice was playful now, emotions changing like an out of control radio station. Sometimes you wondered if he was just as mentally fucked as Taeyong.

You gasped when you felt his hand gripping your face, forcing your head up and back until your eyes met, a fire behind them that made your stomach swirl in fear but enchantment. You almost even forgot about how rough his grip on your jaw was because his hands were so soft, the warmth he let off no longer intimidating but causing you to turn to putty in his hands and wanting to fall against him in comfort and bliss. But the sudden harsh flick to your forehead made you realize he was anything but comforting.

“Stop acting like a touch starved dumbass and answer me. Who the fuck saved you from bleeding out in a filthy warehouse in the middle of fucking Daegu?” He said harshly, your eyes darkening as you tried to keep your composure.

“You did.”

“And you decided that me handling the responsibility of operating on you was some sentimental, heroic act and that from that day forth, you would make it everyone’s job to save you? That it was my job to save you?”

You felt your eyes tearing up again, lip quivering as a sob threatened to escape you and he could only let out a scoff, harshly pulling his hand back as he watched you cry.

“And now you’re crying.”

“I tried to thank you, I tried to apologize for making you save me yet you won’t let me! You slapped me! You’re screaming at me and making me feel bad when I already fucking feel bad. I know I’m fucking up and it’s hard on you guys but I-I just don’t know what to do! I’m tired and sick of having to live every second of my life knowing there is no one in this world I can trust and that I can never leave and that’s all I want, Doyoung! I just want to leave and be a normal person.”

The silence between you was deafening, almost loud in a way, but it was allowing you both to take in the words you said. You could see the look of conflict and annoyance on his face through your tears, a glimmer of what you both hoped and feared was sadness in his eyes as he rolled them to look anywhere but you. And what Doyoung saw of you was a breeding ground of trauma and dysfunction.

You were no different from anyone there, your life story was so similar to most of theirs that no one had time to pity you. You joined Nio’s when you were only 10, hair matted and filthy like the clothes you wore, hands stained red with blood and a look in your eyes that screamed frustration but hopelessness. You were the perfect tool for his father and it was sad watching yet another lost soul fall into this lifestyle. But you proved to be so capable of yourself, strong and competent but, after the death of his father, something in you changed. You were emotional, distracted, constantly agreeing to do task but never fully connecting mentally. He even noticed you screaming in the middle of the night from nightmares. Whether you remembered or not, you and Doyoung were close, so close it managed to shift the atmosphere of Nio’s into something enjoyable and worthy of being part of, but he knew it wasn’t good for you to stay. Not for any of you. So he gave you a chance to leave, a chance to live your life the way you had always told him you wanted, but you didn’t take it. Your reason? Taeyong. You never explained why he was the reason you were staying but the way you constantly clung to their leader like you were his lapdog was all the clarification that he needed. For Doyoung, the closeness you shared and the desire you both had of living normal lives was nothing compared to the same greed for power you shared with Taeyong. So he stopped trying to save you, stopped focusing on how to help you preserve what little of your sanity was left until now. Seeing you at your breaking point made it clear to him that even if this life would follow you forever, letting you go was better than having everyone killed from your mistakes. And, if you left, whatever problems haunted you would be yours to face alone, and he was fine with that.

“You will never be a normal person. And whatever life you choose to live will be as stressful as this one because you’ll spend every second looking over your shoulder wondering who’s out to get you. But, you’re dead weight now, and it’s unfair we’re the ones that have to keep carrying you. I don’t care when or where you go, just leave.” His tone was harsh and cold, the relief you felt at his words not enough to ease the pressure in your chest.

Doyoung’s no longer had power to make these decisions once Taeyong was appointed as leader, so you knew without the boss’ approval his word meant nothing. But, if you had the chance to run, why not take it? Maybe for one day, you could be free, probably take the time you needed to hide away from Nio’s and the crime world you knew all too well. You had no set plan, but sticking around trying to making one would do you no good.

“T-thank you. Thank you for everything.” You said with a small voice and deep bow, Doyoung not bothering to look at you as you hurriedly exited the room to head to yours and pack any belongings you needed for your new life.

You knew this life was hard to leave yet lived with the ignorant optimism that there was always some escape and no turning back. Unfortunately for you, you were simply a butterfly living in an airtight jar and, no matter where you turned, the air you needed was nowhere to be found and, tonight, was the beginning of your suffocation.

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[paperbagpetrichor]

If you do fem readers then is it okay for me to request Jotaro with a fem s/o who was around during the sdc era and acts very motherly towards Josuke and it just reminds him of how sweet she was to Kakyoin ? Like a really cute nostalgia fest where he ends up deciding he wants to marry her?

When the news first came from Morioh, both you and Jotaro had your reservations.  It had been years since the last time the two of you had faced a stand user.  It had been years since both of your lives were in imminent danger, years since you first fell in love, years since you’d been forced to hide around every corner, always bracing for a surprise ambush, years since you’d be left breathless at every other moment, cleaning your deep wounds and doing what you could to keep the group together, to keep going, to keep fighting.  It had been years since you’d both feared for one another’s lives.  Years since you’d lost your friends.  And if what you and Jotaro heard was correct, then the few years you both had been able to spend in each other’s company, recovering, hiding the memories that lay like scars across your hearts only for the sutures to burst open every now and then, trying to live as normal a life as you could, eventually getting used to the routine and thinking, for the first time in your lives, that maybe, just maybe, your trials and tribulations were finished, with only peace lying ahead, would be cut short.

“This isn’t our problem,” Jotaro had stated decisively upon seeing the sadness flood your face, “we don’t have to do anything.”

But with the declining health of his grandfather, and the thought that another innocent city was being plagued with such a curse, something deep within you steeled itself, deciding without so much as a moment of your input.  Putting Joseph through that hell again, especially in that condition, would just be cruel.  He carried the weight of the years past just as much as both you and Jotaro, if not more so for him blaming himself for causing the whole ordeal, he and his damned bloodline.  And Josuke.  More so than anything else, the thought of another innocent kid, still young and wide-eyed and hopeful, just trying to live a normal life in a city that was anything but, just like you and Jotaro and Kakyoin and everyone who’d been roused into action by Dio’s rude awakening...you couldn’t just let that happen.  You couldn’t doom someone else to the fates that you and your friends had suffered.  Not after it all. 

The resolve that had flashed in your eyes as you explained your side of the situation tugged at Jotaro’s heart.  With such a fervor in your voice, it was like you were telling him your destiny, what was necessary, not what should or shouldn’t happen, but what must.  When you spoke of the past, the way your eyes welled up with the beginning of tears forced him to close his eyes.  He wouldn’t have minded going by himself, in all honesty.  Of course, he’d hate having to be in all the chaos once more, and even more hate leaving you by yourself, but bringing you into it was another story.  

And thus the two of you arrived in Morioh.

When you first saw Josuke, you knew, without a doubt, that you had made the right choice.  Despite the awkward greeting and less than desirable circumstances in which it came about, with Jotaro explaining what was to come and what may lie ahead, you simply smiled, all of your fears temporarily melting away like background noise as you took him in.  Jotaro has played his part of the stoic informant, and, of course, left the younger boy confused and startled, so you stepped in, beginning, “Sorry about him.  He’s just trying to help.”  A small laugh escaped you at the deadpan glance your boyfriend cast your way.  “It’s nice to meet you, Josuke.  I’m [y/n] [l/n].”  A pause, and then, “I like your hairstyle.”

From then on it was very clear that he preferred you to Jotaro, or, for the matter, just about anyone else.

Even on day one, you had begun mentoring Josuke.  His stand wasn’t too similar to yours - if anything, tutoring by Jotaro would’ve made more sense - but your boyfriend often had his hands full, and, when he didn’t, simply ignored the other boy.  It was clear Josuke and his friends were in danger, but they were still young - if they were going to face anything even remotely similar to what you two had in the past, you’d ensure they weren’t going into this unaided.  The majority of your free time, when not spent on Jotaro, was devoted to helping plan the growth of the others, or else just keeping a watchful eye on them.  Somehow, they seemed a lot rowdier than most of the kids you’d known at that age...or maybe that was just years of peace and quiet having mellowed you out.

But you didn’t mind.  In fact, neither did the group, who quickly grew well-acquainted with you, frequently inviting you on their outings.  If anything you played chaperone.  Lookout.  But you were also the peace-keeper - settling spats every now and then, offering advice, trying to guide them as best as you could.  Whenever the group needed meet-ups, you were there, be it at a restaurant, after school, at the park, or even in someone’s home (or, in the case of you and Jotaro, your adjacent empty hotel room that your stand had managed to snag a key for).  You made sure that Josuke wasn’t attempting something ridiculous and tended to his own health (something he seemingly always forgot in the process of thinking of the others), Okuyasu always went home with a meal and extra support, and Koichi with your best wishes and temporary safety from Yukako.  Of course, some nights, especially those after stand battles, you’d join the sleepover every now and then, checking in on the group to make sure they weren’t staying up too late or getting involved in dangerous shenanigans.  If they ran out of snacks, you rushed to the rescue.  Didn’t feel like going out to eat?  Home-cooked meals, as best as the shoddy hotel kitchen would allow.  Waters always stocked the fridges free-of-charge, and, despite yourself, every now and then you’d slip in a few sodas.  They’d more than earned it.

Jotaro wasn’t oblivious, of course.  Your usual presence at his side dissipated into emptiness, and the sounds of the hotel doors being swung around signaled your coming and going, even in the middle of the night.  Whenever you went shopping you brought back far more than enough for the two of you.  The notes you’d leave on the counter should you be gone by the time he’d awake always explained where you were and a reminder, in your distinctive handwriting, with a small heart after it, to call you if something happened.  Some days you’d completely overwork yourself keeping up with your corral, and others, especially if a plan was set into motion, you’d spend sleepless and worried.

“They’re not your kids, you know,” Jotaro snorted lowly one night after being awoken by the sound of doors opening and closing, your light footfalls and the sudden disappearance of your blankets beside him in bed.  Looking harried and hassled, you’d run back and forth, until you seemingly finished and collapsed beside your boyfriend with a sigh.

You tilted your head and gave him a nod.  “I know,” you began slowly, catching your breath and resting your head atop his shoulder, which you found much more preferable than any pillow, “but don’t they remind you of back then…?” 

The softness in your eyes, illuminated solely by the starlight sneaking in through the thin, drawn curtains, framed your set face, eyebrows gently tilted downwards as though you were trying your best to hide a sort of nostalgia but some still managed to seep through.  Gentle curves on your frame pressed against him, and for a moment he averted his gaze, reliving the same moments that you undoubtedly were.  Back then, you’d been...well, equally as sweet.  Not a day had gone by without your love and care poured into the actions you took for all of the Crusaders, especially shared among the younger of the group.  How easily you’d managed to fit in with Kakyoin and eventually even Jotaro himself.  When you’d chosen to stay behind with Kakyoin in the hospital after his eye injuries, at least for the first few days, insisting that you’d be alright but that someone needed to look out for him - that he wasn’t going to go through those times alone, that nobody would be alone.  How you’d always stayed up, pensive, on watch for enemies for far longer shifts than any of the others, insisting you were fine even as your eyelids drooped and the stress manifested itself on your face.  

That same look that was there now, and had been ever since arriving in Morioh.

“So what was it this time?” he asked, wrapping an arm around your waist and giving you a gentle squeeze, tethering the two of you to the present.  “Someone wet the bed?”

You flicked him and rolled your eyes, letting out an exasperated “Jotaro.”  Nevertheless, as you offered him a squeeze back, knowing all too well that the memories flashing throughout your mind were undoubtedly mirrored in his, you confessed, “Nightmare.”  For a moment he looked ready to speak but you cut him off.  “And you know...what I was thinking.  Thankfully, it wasn’t that.  Still, poor Josuke was really shaken up…”

It didn’t take much to replay the Death 13 scenario in Jotaro’s head, where you’d been the only one to believe Kakyoin from the get-go.  What you’d done back then - offering the shaken lilac-eyed boy your blankets and extra pillows, tending to the fire and making conversation to reassure him everything was alright, long into the early hours of the morning - was almost a carbon copy of your recent actions.  Jotaro let out a small sigh.  No matter how ridiculous he’d continually brush it off as, you genuinely cared for those kids.  Just like you’d cared for the Crusaders - for Kakyoin and himself.  

But now things were different.  You didn’t have to involve yourself with them.  Like he’d said a million times before, this wasn’t your fight, and you didn’t need to try to make it.  They would’ve been fine without you.  No, you chose to.  It was their fight, but in turn yours, and while they might’ve done alright without you, they wouldn’t have had anywhere near the same level of care and protection you provided them with.  The devotion you showed was like that of a family member.

Like you were their mother.

And what a wonderful real mother you’d make.  What a wonderful person you were, from the bottom of your heart and soul to the soft snores that had begun to escape you as you drifted off to sleep against your boyfriend, who merely shook his head at it all before giving you a ginger goodnight kiss, mulling over his own thoughts as he held you against him, in tune with the gentle rising and falling of your chest.

Never would he have imagined himself ever having you.  Not even a girlfriend, for that matter - after the displays of ‘affection’ he’d received during his school years, he’d lumped all of it together as nothing more than a cry of attention - but now he had you.  Never would he have imagined he’d hold you as you fell to sleep, almost ten years deep into your relationship.  Never would he have imagined he’d have a family.  A wife, and maybe someday, some children, his children.  Your children.

But now he had you.  And he was certain that he could have it now, sharing the rest of his life with the amazing woman he’d fallen in love with.

Never one for traditional romance - if it hadn’t been four in the morning, and you hadn’t been asleep, and he slipping into sleep’s grasp himself - he would’ve proposed right there and then. 

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