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roturo · 9 months

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CRY FOR ME -dick grayson x f!reader. (part 2)

①PART TWO: DO NOT TOUCH, PERFECT WORLD, CANDY.

→ summary: He loves you, he really does, but he left you. Months wondering why he did that had you crying for him, never ending the never-ending cycle of the abandoned by Dick Grayson wasn't in your to-do list. It's time to hit him with a smile, rather than a goodbye that would leave him wondering. PART 1. words: 4k+

→ warnings: SMUT, angst, marking, fingering (f receiving) & oral (m receiving) , mutlipes orgasms, overstimulation, semi-public sex, edging, handcuffs, degradation kink, cock warming, nipple pinching, slapping, spitting, jealousy, cum eating, almost caught, unprotected sex, penis in vagina, cunnilingus, mentions of kory and dick being together but never in a relationship, hero into villain!reader, med student!reader, reader is friends with harley quinn, reader was part of the og titans.

TUMBLR IS BASED ON A REBLOG SYSTEM. PLEASE REBLOG MY WORK. THANK YOU. ENJOY. SMUT BELOW THE CUT.

After all, Donna is a friend and you have to be loyal. She’s done nothing wrong, like others…

Time hasn’t been the best, but it's making progress. People guess things have been complicated, thanks to… well, the incident of some days ago. They didn’t know the whole story though.

After leaving Dick in his room alone, you proceed to go and call Harley to tell her all. You weren’t as excited as her, some part of you felt… bad? Watching him everyday now, felt like the past but in a bad way. Your heart wasn’t ready to deal with this.

You enjoyed the moment, but that’s all.

You need to prepare your heart for the following days. But it was becoming too much. Is that how he felt? If what he told you was true…

Even though he hasn’t shown any kind of anger towards you, it made you even more confused than before. Did this not affect him?

Who would’ve imagined this bitter ending. You felt good, like you let out a part of you. It’s like you gave your back to the titans again.

And the worst thing after him being unbothered with this whole ordeal it’s like he got closer with Kory. Something about their relationship seemed SO suspicious that it made you even madder. You’re pretty sure they’ve definitely slept together.

None of your intentions of being ‘annoying’ towards Dick made any progress, but oh how naive you are.

To say he’s not mad at you isn’t completely true. He is, but he’s more heart-broken than anything else. Is this how you felt? Everything seemed different for him; a whole new sky, a whole new view, a whole new you.

He used to think there was hope in the future without you, but oh how wrong was he. He forgot that shine you brought him everyday, your beautiful smile when you woke up in his arms. He needed that again.

He tried to make you think he was unbothered with this, he didn’t need to show you his hurt side again. He had to be strong until the time was ready to touch you again. Right now he had to watch you, watch you take care of Conner, being in the tower with him.

And he never failed to notice how your brows slightly furrowed every time you saw him with Kory. So he started doing it more times, just to keep that hope up you still love him and miss him just like he does.

But he needed to show and prove he won’t hurt you again, that he’s not that man that left you. It’s like you wanted to keep him away with your wholehearted rejection, but somehow he’s always a step behind from telling you ‘I love you’.

One night, you decided to take a break from being a ‘fake titan’ and decided to distract yourself by going out with Harley and maybe cause some problem. How could you think you wouldn’t cause any problem when Harley Quinn is by your side?

Running away from the siren police after robbing a luxury store, Harley by your side, you knew this wasn’t to be easy. Running into an empty dark alley, it was a crowded night, and crimes were easily found this night. So it’s impossible for you two not to find a fucking hero.

And by a fucking hero, I mean fucking nightwing.

Great.

‘Oh, what do we have here? The mysterious friend Harley is always with. Where’s your partner huh?’

You looked at your left where Harley was supposed to be, looking confused back at Nightwing. ‘Oh right, don’t worry, one of my friends is dealing with her.’ He stepped closer at you, examining your costume, mask, if you're armed. ‘Now… Who are you?’

‘It’s none of your business.’ You tried to act rough but it sounded more of a mumble, knowing you were about to fight with fucking Nightwing. Fucking Dick Grayson.

‘Is that so?… What's so special about you that you don’t get caught as easily as Harley?’

Uh well, maybe she’s over-confident and clumsier? But she always knows the Joker is going to save her, so that’s why you don’t get scared for her safety. It’s kinda obvious…

‘Stop with the shitty chat, are we going to fight or not?’

‘I think you deserve another kind of punishment, is that so… Y/N?’

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck.

You felt your blood run cold at the words that left out Dick’s mouth, trying to regain your composure you coughed a little, ‘What are you talking about? Who is she huh? Our dear nightwing finally got a girlfriend?’

He let out an audibly laugh coming out from his chest, ‘Quit the act. We discovered your fantastic note Harley let you with the underwear, a nice pair by the way, would look good in your body. I have to admit she has a nice taste.’

He stepped even closer to you, ‘Oh, and what about your little call with her? Talking about Ivy and the fucking sex pollen? Thank God Kory was there to notice something was going on and told me to check the cameras.’

The fucking cameras. Shit. How could you be so fucking stupid? Of course he would have cameras everywhere. ‘My question is, why do you keep helping us? What 's your plan?’

‘If I tell you my plan, what are you going to do about it?’

He made a mocking gesture of him thinking for a second before sighing, ‘Depends on how bad it is.’

Fuck it. You already did it, and you’re sure you could get some hits right now. ‘My plan was for you to fucking cry for me.’

You could swear you noticed his face breaking a little before smirking again, he chuckled at you, what’s so funny?, ‘Oh…’ He stepped even closer to you, centimeters away from finally being completely close enough, ‘That’s the thing? That’s why you said those things?’ You slightly nodded, his presence becoming too much for you, looking at the floor you mumbled a little yes. ‘Mmm, let me think about how hard your punishment should be.’

Without a second to react, your body was caged between his arms and the wall. Taking the air out of you, looking up at him with an angry face he looked happy. ‘Quit the fucking act Dick, just hit me or something.’

‘You think i’m going to be that nice to you? I’ll just return the favor.’ Your face changed into confusion, his lips almost touching yours. You could feel his breath. ‘W-what do you mean?’ His lips locked with yous, catching you by surprise

His thumb digs into your cheeks and the other four fingers grip your face as he opens your mouth with pressure, tongue jutting out slightly. Dick sniggers, You might as well be begging to get fucked right now.’ Your eyes glisten, thighs and core clenching. Dick spits into your mouth and you swallow immediately. He laughs. Ah, you slutty whore. That’s what you wanted?’

You tried to move but your body wouldn’t listen, secretly you know you miss him too, as much as he does, but you couldn’t let yourself break that easily, ‘I’m not the one who was horny for almost a week, dumbass.’

‘And whose fault is that mhm?’ With no time for reaction he made you kneel down, falling with a small ‘tmmph’ ‘It’s my turn to have fun while watching you cry, don’t you think? This may also be a punishment for the crime you just did.’ His head slightly turned to the right, looking if someone else was in this dark alley, but everyone seemed as busy as the two of you, focusing on their own thing. The siren alarms quieting down all the chat the both of you have.

‘Ah, the siren alarms, I don’t see anything you stole, was this all Harley’s plan?’ You tried to answer and tell him to fuck off, but you heard him unzipping his suit, your mind fighting with your body to move away from him, but oh shit. You won’t lie you’ve been fingering yourself these last days in the shower thinking of his cock. Half of his body suit rested on his hips, showing his chest, some hickeys still a little bit visible on his chest, the same as red marks of your nails digging on him. ‘You like what you see? Makes me remember the day I fucking had you in my hands again. And ever since I got a taste of you again, you don’t know how stupid I felt to leave you.’

Your doe eyes looked at him, searching for any kind of lie, but all you could see was lust and sincere feelings for you. ‘Ah, but here’s the thing, you can’t touch me. Maybe you’ll miss my touch as much as I do for yours.’ Everything was happening so fast you didn’t realize him kneeling down and handcuffing your hands before he stood up again. ‘That's better.’ His hand caressed your cheek before the nice and warm touch turned into a slap.

‘I shouldn’t treat you like the love of my life, right? You just committed a crime, baby, you need to be punished by your actions.’ He didn’t seem angry, he seemed full of lust and excited to have you again.

‘Oh, but this doesn’t mean we’re okay, we still need to talk it out. Right now it’s Nightwing giving his favorite criminal a punishment.’ You looked down at his crotch, a visible bulge had you closing your legs trying to get some friction out of it. He slowly made his suit get lower so his cock could finally be free, sprinting up so it touched his stomach, a pearl of cum coming out of it, sliding down until his base.

‘Open up and say ah…’ You did as he said, feeling completely defenseless and not in control like the other time, knowing you fell for him and his tactic again. He grabbed you by your hair and then he inserted his cock inside of you, winning a groan out of his mouth before he started thrusting in and out. Your mouth couldn’t get all of it, but you couldn’t use your hands to satisfy the missing parts of his cock, he wouldn’t let you. You tried moving your hands, which made his movements stop, staying inside of you. ‘Ah-ah, do not touch, If you still love me, you know you have to watch first and maybe I'll let you.’

You stopped fighting for his touch and gave into him, he moaned when you relaxed your throat and took him all in. He wouldn’t give you a break and thrust shamelessly into you, making you leave choked moans out of you, tears forming around your eyes making your vision blurry. ‘That’s it, you fucking criminal whore. These are the punishments you want right?’

You tried nodding, but he only chuckled at your try. He thrusted some times more before he finally came in your mouth with a moan that sounded almost like a whimper. Like the old times you opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue, ‘Good girl.’ Then you swallowed.

‘I’ll see you at the tower.’ He started getting his suit on again, and with just a wink he left.

How the fuck are you supposed to get off this handcuffs?

When you came back to the tower with a sore throat and normal clothes, as soon as you entered the tower you saw Kory waiting for you in her cocky posture and a smirk adorning her face. ‘How was your night sneaky friend?’

You rolled your eyes trying to ignore her, hopefully she’s the only one who knows besides Dick, but she wouldn’t let you go so easily, so she grabbed you by the wrist stopping you from leaving. ‘Fuck off Kory.’

‘I’m not the one betraying everyone here dumbass.’

‘Go and fuck Dick or something,' Ironic isn't it?, since you're the one fucking him. 'don’t you want that? Maybe he could take this anger out of you and leave me the fuck alone.’

‘I don’t want to fuck him, i’m trying to keep my friends safe.’

‘Safe by being with them like a fucking tick? As if.’ You said those words with venom coming out of your mouth, never breaking eye contact with her.

‘That’s how things are going to be huh? Jealous, I'm spending more time with your ex than you?’ You felt your wrist getting warmer, trying to get off you whining at the hot sensation of her using her powers. ‘Let go Kory.’

‘Or what? You’re going to whine about this to your little friend Joker?’

‘Might as well ask him to fucking kill you.’ You said, kicking her on the stomach so she could let go, looking at your arm you could see a small burn, nothing too serious.

You hissed, touching the affected area, looking back at Kory, who stood there with a confused face, looking back, you saw Dick standing there, a black t-shirt hugging his chest and biceps just right, and some gray sweatpants.

‘What the fuck Dick? Isn’t she supposed to be beaten out or something? She’s a fucking villian!’

You smirked at her assumption, side-eyeing her back and then looking back at Dick. ‘Let’s say she’s a good fighter…’ He shrugged it off while getting closer to the both of you, looking at your injured arm, he looked back at Kory. ‘Let’s get you healed up.’ Dick grabbed you by the hand leading you to the nursery.

‘Are you being for real Dick? You’re still letting her in the house after knowing who she truly is?’ Her voice seemed more distant every step you took, you were getting giddy with all that was happening that you didn’t even realize you were sitting on a chair, Dick kneeled down looking for some medicines. Your arm already bandaged.

'...'

‘So… How did you become a villain?’ He asked, testing the waters. ‘I dunno, guess it just happened with no explanations.’ He took the hint at what you were referring to, deciding to just sigh. ‘I was stupid okay? Not being Robin gave me a kind of breakdown trying to decipher who I was, I fucked up. I dissolved the titans because of that, and the worst thing of all is that I lost you.’ You thought there was a nice future without him, not letting him crumble your world, but hearing his breaking voice while telling you this, made you rethink everything.

Dick isn’t good at expressing his emotions, so him trying really meant he was serious with this, ‘I couldn’t imagine myself with other girls, because the fantasy of you shatters my heart, I’ll always be by your side, I promise, please forgive me.’

You shakily sighed at his confession, remembering the first time he told you ‘I love you’ you had your emotions just in control before all of this, but now you realize the both of you are below the same sky and you couldn’t resist wrapping your arms around him again. All you could hear in the room were sobs coming out of the both of you. Old lovers reuniting again, but the tension in the air was still visible, not forgetting what happened earlier this night.

‘Can I keep being a villain so you could just fuck me everytime I commit a crime?’ He chuckled at this, making him stop crying, and looking at you, ‘Maybe I should lock you up, and give those punishments for free, I don’t need you causing problems out there.’

You made a gesture like you were thinking about it, ‘Mmh, that doesn’t sound too bad, but I’ll miss Harley so that’s a no.’ He rolled his eyes, ‘I can lock her up too.’ he said, grabbing both of your hands. ‘And punish her too? I don’t think the Joker nor me would be happy with that.’

He laughed, how much you missed his laugh. ‘Obviously no. She would be locked up serving her sentence or something.’ The both of you looked at eachother, missing the comfortable silence, until a question came to mind. ‘And Kory?’

‘What about her?’

‘She’ll tell everyone.’

A small oh left his lips, looking at the floor then bringing his eyes back to yours. ‘I’ll talk with her.'

'...'

'....'

‘Do you… uh… like her?’

‘Would I be here waiting for you to give me a chance to kiss you again if I liked her?’ Unable to control yourself, you crashed your lips onto his, and he responded immediately. He grabbed you by your legs, immediately wrapping them around his waist, he somehow opened up the door and led the both of you to his room. Lips never breaking apart.

Without breaking the kiss, you pushed him onto his back, laying flat on the bed and straddling his lap. Dick smirked at your actions and you leaned down, reconnecting your lips. You involuntarily grinded onto his growing bulge, causing him to groan in pleasure. You could feel your panties sticking to your wet folds while you moved on him. Without breaking the heated kiss, Dick sat up, pulling you along with him, so that his back was resting against the headboard of your bed and you were still straddling him. He broke the kiss to trail open mouth kisses along your neck, making you tilt your head to give him more access.

‘Can I touch you?’ he mumbled against your skin, giving it a little nibble.

‘Yes, please…’

Dick’s hands moved up your body to your breasts. He gently massaged your breasts before taking one of your nipples in his mouth. He flicked it with his tongue, giving it a little swirl before repeating the same action for the other one.

‘You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to do this to you again,’ he said, lips meeting yours in a quick kiss before he changed positions, hovering above you. ‘Every time the both of us were alone, I had to control myself so much from wanting to kiss you… to touch you…’ his hand moved down to your thighs, giving it a squeeze before he teased your inner thighs. He slowly moved his hand to cup your clothed heat, making you whimper.

‘‘Fuck, please touch me,’ you begged.

Dick slowly took your panties off, mouth watering at the sight of your glistening core. His fingers moved to your clit, gently stroking your sensitive nub. You grabbed his hand once your clit became too over sensitive again, stopping him from touching you.

“I… it’s very sensitive from what we did earlier before…’ Dick kissed your neck while his fingers explored the area around your entrance, avoiding your sensitive clit; he didn’t want to just shove his fingers up immediately. ‘Just relax, baby,’ he murmured against your skin, and your tense body relaxed a bit. He ran his finger along your wet folds, collecting your juices. He took his time, teasing you around that area, trying to get you wetter.

When you felt wetter, he moved his body to rest in between your legs. He slowly slipped a finger into your hole. ‘Does it hurt?’ he asked. You shook your head and he continued pushing his finger all the way in. You winced at the slight sting you felt when he pulled his finger back a little. ‘Are you okay? Does it hurt, baby?’

‘No, it feels so good.’ you said, your hands moving to his messy black hair.

He tapped around your walls, searching for your g-spot. You sucked in a breath when he found your spot, clutching a fistful of his hair. “Found it,” he smirked, continuing to finger you, making sure to hit that very spot. ‘D-Dick…’ you moaned, your walls clenching around his finger. He kissed and gently sucked on the skin of your inner thighs while he fingered you. You could feel something building up in your lower stomach, and you assumed you were close to orgasming. ‘Dick… I think I’m-’

‘Let it go,’ he pumped his fingers faster, making your back arch. ‘Cum for me, baby.’ His words and a few more pumps was all it took for your orgasm to wash over you, making you loudly moan his name. He pulled his fingers out, sucking them clean, eyes closing at your taste. ‘So fucking sweet. I fucking missed you.’

He leaned down for a kiss, which you gratefully accepted, taking off his shirt and pants, his cock was as hard as before, searching for attention. He then inserted his cock, pushing through your gummy walls, making you moan at the feeling. He slowly started thrusting, making sure to keep the stimulation from your previous orgasm, the both of you were so focused on the other that you didn’t hear the knocks on the door until the second time.

‘Dick! Are you there?’ Fuck. It was Kory. ‘The door is locked.’ The both of you heard another voice, it sounded a lot like Rachel’s. ‘Dick! We can’t find Y/N’ Shit. Gar is also there?

‘We need to find her before she causes something big.’ Rachel said, knocking on his door again. The both of you looked at eachother with wide eyes, before he shut you up with his hand on your mouth, keeping you from making any sound, but he continued thrusting, finding a rhythms which touched your g-spot just perfectly. You moaned, earning a look from him, ‘Uh- I haven’t seen her anywhere.’

‘C’mon Dick, you took her to the nursery.’ Kory said from the other side of the door, ‘But- I ha- ah! haven-t seen her since..’ You clenched his cock, catching him by surprise, making his voice break and whimper, his hand reaching your nipple pinching on it, giving him an angry look, you clenched your hole earning a moan out of him, making you giggle. ‘Are you okay Dick?’ Gar asked.

‘U-uh, yeah, just putting on my suit for, mmh~ go and search for her, y’all should do the same.’ You couldn’t quite hear the voices coming from the other side, too giddy feeling the way Dick’s cock moves inside of you.

‘Okay… we’ll see you in 10.’ That was the last thing the both of you heard, before making sure they left.

‘You heard that princess? We only have 10 minutes before we go searching for you. Guess I couldn’t- Ah!’ A specific thrust made the both of you feel an electric shock, ‘I couldn’t stop Kory from telling the other, ha…’

He started thrusting harder and faster this time, knowing he was searching for his high, you were quite close to it. His hand traveled down your body until it found your clit and started rubbing it. Making you almost scream if it wasn’t for his hand covering your mouth. Not even 30 seconds passed and you saw stars, your vision becoming white thanks to the overstimulation and him not stopping so you could take a break from your high. Actually motivating him to thrust faster to search for his.

Tears formed again into your eyes, staining your cheeks, his other arm over your head holding himself up while he thrusts into you. He leaned down and licked the tears out your face, before uncovering your mouth, taking a big breath before breaking down into a moaning mess, he thrusted into you harder, cock deep down inside of you, shaking while stripes of cum filled you up.

All you could hear were whimpers coming out of him, until he finally calmed down and tools his cock out, making the both of you hiss at the feeling. He laid down beside you, audibly breaths coming out of the both of you, looking up at the roof.

He grabbed down the blankets and covered the both of you, him being the big spoon and you the small one.

‘What about the others?’

‘If we don’t answer they’ll think I went alone and also go search for me’ He chuckled, hugging you even closer. ‘Here I am right now, and tomorrow when you wake up. By your side. I’m sure we’ll find an agreement with the others, since you didn’t commit the crimes like that, just an accomplice, maybe you could become a hero again.’

You scoffed at that, ‘We’ll see about that Dickie.’

1K notes · View notes

thesuperiorrobin · 7 months

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𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

Pairing: Damian Wayne x Florists!Fem!Reader

Word count: 570

Warning: Damian and reader are in their twenties, mentions of flowers and their opposite meanings(hatred,Stupidly, etc) this post was on Pinterest that was taken from tumblr but lost it and now I can’t find OG creator. If you know the OG creator of if this looks familiar please let me know so I can tag them. Mentions of the word skank.

A/n: i never realize how horrible 2000s magazines were until I read some my mom kept😭 Also this is all Bs. I’m sure all of these are not right bc I looked them up.

the flower shop was quiet today, it was nice but boring. When the shop was running slow time I’m the place slows down too. And you hated it. You were stuck making sure the flowers were perfect even if they were and you were just trying to make your shift go faster. But none of that seemed to work.

You somehow find yourself reading old magazines from the two-thousands you found in the back of the shop. Your elbows are rested up against the top of the displaced case, flipping through the reach page as you read every box and bubble carefully.

“What makes a girl a skank? Huh?” Your eyebrows are furrowed as you flip the page “Two thousands magazines are something else”

(and trust me they are).

The sound of the bell ringing makes you perk up, indicating someone entered the store. You close the magazine before you walk around the display case to face the customer who entered. You stand there surprised, eyes coming in context with green ones that you recognize from pictures and the news—also ones you see everyday when you go to sleep and when you wake up in the morning.

Damian Wayne stands in front of you and he doesn’t look happy. You smiled at him, welcoming him in. You bring him in a small short hug before pulling apart. Your lips lock for a short second before pulling away again.

“Hey. It’s a surprise seeing you here today. Do you need something?”

He gives you a nod “Do you have anything—flowers, that are symbolic of hatred? Maybe stupidity?” You were taken aback by the question.

Not that many people come in asking for flowers with bad meaning towards them—normally they come in asking for flowers that mean love.

You cleared your throat. “I believe I do, follow me”

You take him further down the shop. In the back laid different kinds of flowers, separated by name and by color.

“There’s a couple I know by heart that have both good and bad meanings to them” You start off eyeing every flower carefully as you try and remember the bad. You point up at the orange butterfly weeds, and Damian follows your finger “Those are very beautiful ones but no one gets them because they literally mean ‘be warned’. Which is shameful because they always die out here”

“Is that why you have so many back at home?” Damian asked softly, placing a firm hand behind your back.

You hum “or orange lilies maybe? They mean hatred and other rough emotions. There are also carnations, which mean disappointment. You can also get black roses. Those work too. What do you think?” You look up at your lover waiting for a response as he looks over the flowers.

He pulls out his wallet “How about all that you just named?” You give him a grin. Collecting the flowers and putting them together to make a beautiful bouquet.

You ring him up. “Are these for your wife Mr.Wayne?” You tease playfully.

“Nonsense, my wife deserves better flowers that do not mean hatred” he scuffs as he plays along.

“She’s a lucky girl”

“Yes, she is” he smiles down at you lovingly. He hands you a fifty dollar bill for a bouquet that cost thirty-five and seventeen in change. He refuses the extra amount left over.

“Keep it. Use it to bye more butterfly weeds” you sigh.

When Damian made up his mind he’s too stubborn to change it.

“Who are they for anyway?” You asked. Tilting you head as you put the rest of the money away.

“Tim was being idiotic during patrol and landed himself in the hospital”

“Oh”

#damian al ghul #damian wayne #damian wayne x reader #damian al ghul x reader #damian x reader #robin x reader #damian wayne x female reader #damian wayne one shot #damian wayne fanfiction

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xjoonchildx · 2 months

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kanalia | jhs x reader | final chapter: because i couldn't stay away

banner by the amazing @kth1 💕

⚜️summary: secrets and uncertainty plague a young queen in her arranged marriage to a kind but distant king. the farther she drifts from her husband, the closer she gets to one of his most trusted men.

⚜️pairing: queen!reader x royalguard!hoseok

⚜️rating: mature, 18+

⚜️genre: royal AU, historical AU, smut

⚜️warnings: infidelity (it’s complicated, y’all) mentions of pregnancy, fertility issues. OC struggles with depressive thoughts and episodes. smut warnings in effect.

⚜️word count: 10.2K

⚜️author's note: happy birthday month to my forever muse, jung hoseok. i hope that i did this poor, tortured version of you some justice. and yes, it did take me years to finish this story (😭) , but i did. thank you to every single who has ever taken an interest in this story and cared enough to stick with me through long delays and rough writing spells. once again, i have to shout out the OG @hobi-gif who lent her eyes to part of this story. i appreciate you all so much and if you enjoyed it, i would very much appreciate a reblog as well as your feedback.

thank you guys so, so much 💕

previous chapter masterlist

Love doesn't discriminate Between the sinners and the saints It takes and it takes and it takes And we keep loving anyway We laugh and we cry and we break And we make our mistakes And if there's a reason I'm by her side When so many have tried Then I'm willing to wait for it I'm willing to wait for it

– ��Wait for It”

Hamilton, An American Musical

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

One perfect loop is followed by another. And another. And another.

You need not look back and check your work, not anymore. Now you know simply by the pull of the thread that each stitch you place is snug and uniform. You sit in your chair by the fire and repeat the motion over and over again, staring unseeing into the pattern in your lap.

“It’s a beautiful day, Your Grace.”

Hyeri’s voice taps at the edges of your consciousness, muffled as though she’s standing outside the chamber door instead of seated right beside you. You ignore it and push another loop through the fabric.

“Not a cloud in the sky,” she persists, gentle. “Perfect conditions for a walk, if you feel up to it. I could even accompany you, if you wish?”

There was a time, not long ago, when Hyeri’s prodding would have set your teeth on edge. But you do not have the energy to muster any such emotion. And so you give Hyeri the same answer you’d given her the day before. And the day before that one. The same hushed words, spoken in the same decisive tone.

“I’m content to stay in today, Hyeri. Thank you.”

“Very well, Your Grace.”

She drops the matter with a quiet sigh.

It’s unlike her. The Hyeri you know would fret and fuss for as long as it took for you to relent; until you had no choice but to quit your chamber simply to enjoy a moment’s peace. The Hyeri you know would be shooing you away from the fire, prattling on about how one errant thread could catch and send your entire dress up in flames.

But the Hyeri seated beside you does none of those things.

So you sink deeper into the plush chair perched in front of the hearth and watch the flames dance. The embers at the base of the fire glow deep red, putting off a heat blistering enough to scorch your bare feet.

But you cannot feel it. You cannot feel anything.

You’ve surrendered to the weariness now; let it consume you. Allowed it to fuse itself to the very marrow of your bones. For days you’ve done little beyond sleep and spend your few waking hours seated by the fire, needle in hand.

Twice you’ve left your chamber and neither time by choice, but rather because the King had insisted on your presence at dinner. To what end you still cannot be sure seeing as you’d taken both meals in stilted, awkward silence. Apparently His Grace is far less bold without a bit of ale in him.

“The hunting party leaves in three days' time,” Hyeri says. “There’s been quite a fuss in the kitchens over it. They’re taking enough supplies to travel for months, by the looks of it.”

You make a non-committal sound under your breath. Hyeri forges on, undeterred.

“There will be a send-off in the courtyard, of course. Will you – “ she pauses to choose her words carefully. “ – Well, I assume that you’ll want to see the King off.”

You do not want to see the King off. Were it not for his pigheaded adamance that you keep up appearances for the sake of this sham marriage, you’d be content to never see him again. But you’ll not tell Hyeri that. Not when she’s made it clear where her loyalties lie and not when she still holds on to the delusion that one day you’ll decide to embrace your role as the placeholder by the King’s side.

So you say nothing at all. The fire pops as one of the logs crumbles in the hearth.

Hyeri clears her throat. “Your Grace, I only want what’s best for you. Surely you know that by now? And I don’t want people casting aspersions, which they most certainly will do if you’re not there to see the King off. The staff is already asking questions about why you’ve not been seen in days.”

“Has he asked for me?”

Hyeri blinks. “The King?”

“Yes, Hyeri,” you say slowly. “The King. Has His Grace requested my presence at this send-off ceremony?”

The color seems to drain from her soft face as she admits, “No, Your Grace. He hasn’t.”

“Then I see no point in worrying yourself over the matter.”

You return your attention to your needlework and place another yellow thread in the center of your Mugunghwa flower’s pistil. The flames crackle in perfect, undisturbed silence.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

“It’s cold out there today,” Hyeri says. “But if you bundle up tight, it’s quite pleasant in the sunshine.”

“Thank you, Hyeri,” you reply evenly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

It’s a lie, and you both know it. You have no intention of leaving this chamber today and much to your relief, the King did not require your presence at his evening meal the night prior. Hyeri had ordered your dinner sent up and then proceeded to dine with you herself. An insidious voice inside your mind whispers she’s afraid to leave you alone.

You ignore it.

Instead you try to focus on your Mugunghwa flower. You study it, blinking until the riot of colors before you has clear, defined boundaries – fiery crimson at the center which slowly bleeds into a subdued pink which in turn dissipates into a milky white. You pull fresh white thread through your needle and set to work on the flower’s edges.

“Your needlework is much improved, Your Grace,” Hyeri notes. “You’ll be finished with that pattern by the end of the day, as I see it.”

You thumb over the fabric and consider her assessment. She’s right, you’ll be done with this pattern in a matter of hours. And the only thing that awaits on the other side is another pattern. And another. On and on and on.

“Perhaps when you’re done, you’ll consider mending this for me,” Hyeri says, gesturing towards her lap. “My eyesight is not what it used to be. I’m terrified of ruining the old man’s beautiful design.”

You set your embroidery down and turn to look at Hyeri, gaze falling to the opulent plum fabric in her hands. Slowly, the details sharpen into focus. The rich velvet trim. The gold threads glinting back at you in the firelight. The room begins to tilt.

“A footman found it in the woods last night,” Hyeri explains, her cadence slow and deliberate. “By the stables.”

You are keenly aware of the way she watches you in the weighty seconds that follow, one gray eyebrow lifted as she awaits a response. You do your best to appear calm despite the panic clawing its way up your throat.

You’d lost that shawl in your mad dash back to the castle. You’d been tearing through the dark, paying little heed to the branches that tugged at your dress and occasionally scraped at your hands and face. One of them had caught the shawl, but you’d been so desperate to reach the refuge of your chamber that you’d hardly noticed when it was wrenched away. You’d had, after all, your humiliation to keep you warm.

And you’d earned it, hadn’t you? With your drunkenness. With your recklessness. You’d let every one of your baser emotions take control. You’d risked every advantage of your carefully curated life just to throw yourself like a wanton at the feet of one of your husband’s closest confidantes. Like a fool.

When Lord Jung turned on his heels that night and abandoned you in the woods, he’d done far more than just rebuff your clumsy advances.

He’d finished you.

“Your Grace?” Hyeri’s curiosity is evident. “Are you alright?”

Hardly. Your mouth waters as your stomach threatens to cast up what little you’ve eaten today. One glimpse of that garment had been enough to bring a torrent of memories rushing back; vivid, awful memories that you’ve worked hard to banish to the deepest recesses of your mind. You grip the arm of your chair hard enough to make your knuckles go white.

“Your Grace?”

You don’t answer until you’re sure that you won’t retch the very moment you open your mouth. Hyeri studies you in the interminable silence, lips parted in an expression of concern. Your tongue is thick when you finally collect yourself enough to speak.

“Please do thank the footman for me, Hyeri. And I think it best to leave the more intricate needlework to you.”

Hyeri stares as you reach for your needle and thread with trembling hands, but you don’t dare look her way. You try to place a loop at the edge of your flower but the Mugunghwa’s colors have gone blurry again and you’re forced to back the needle out and start over.

Perhaps there was a time when the Mugunghwa was as vivid as a rose. With petals of rich orange-red, opaque from pistil to tip. But perhaps it was asked to weather too many storms. Too many droughts. Too many winters.

Perhaps the Mugunghwa looks the way it does today not because of how it was made, but rather what it’s had to endure.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

The first snow of the season arrives early.

You stand at your window and watch it fall, noting how quickly the fields turn from green to white. You press your fingertips to the windowpane and the cold seeps through it, chilling you instantly.

In the courtyard below, the horses are draped in heavy blankets. Stablehands scurry around them; dusting snow off their muzzles and checking their shoes. Footmen work in teams, sharing the weight of the heavy trunks they load on to waiting carts.

“I’ll wear the blue walking dress today, Hyeri. The one with the white flowers on the bodice.”

“Your Grace?” Hyeri is on her feet at once to join you at the window. “You’ll see the king off, then?”

“I’ll need the matching cape too,” you direct, brushing her question aside as you watch the newly-packed trunks take on a layer of white snow. “If the conditions are as awful as they look.”

“Yes of course,” Hyeri breathes, hurriedly whirling about the chamber behind you as she gathers your things. In a matter of minutes she has you dressed and seated, fingers twisting your hair into a plait at the base of your neck. She loops the plait and pins it into an elegant bun, fingers smoothing the hairs into place before her hands come to rest on your shoulders. She squeezes them gently.

“I’ll not ask you why you’ve changed your mind, Your Grace,” she says softly. “But I’m so glad for it. It’s important that people see you. For them, of course, but for you most of all. And besides, you look so lovely.”

You don’t feel lovely. In fact, you don’t feel anything at all. And if Hyeri had pressed you as to why you’ve changed your mind, she’d not be satisfied with your answer. You’ve changed your mind because you cannot bear to cause more conflict with the King. Because you have no desire to create a scandal that you’ll somehow have to fix. You’ve changed your mind because you have no fight in you left. This is the path of least resistance.

You rise from your seat and Hyeri’s hands fall away. She clutches them to her chest, rheumy eyes soft with sadness as she watches you take your place at the window once again. Outside the snow falls harder, and you watch the footmen leave deep divots in it with their boots.

“Tell me when it’s time,” you say quietly.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

You can scarcely recognize anyone in the throng of well-wishers gathered outside the castle.

They’re all bundled tight in winter coats and pelts; some wear hats and scarves. The snow doesn’t help either, and from the moment you enter the courtyard you’re grateful for your cape. Not only for the warmth of its thick lining, but for its hood, too. It affords you a bit of privacy in this otherwise very public affair.

You weave your way through the crowd and do your best not to make eye contact with anyone. Surely Boram is among those gathered with sweet Yeona in tow, here to see Lord Min off on his adventure. But you cannot bring yourself to seek her out – not when she’s already called on you twice without so much as an explanation for your disappearance. At any rate, you don’t think you could bear to look at her right now. To see the worry and concern you know you’ll find written all over her face.

So you keep your hood pulled tight and your eyes down as you set off in search of the King. And you have no trouble finding him despite your reticence to make your presence known. It’s not just that he stands a head taller than most. It’s in his stature, in his stance – in that self-assured air that seems to come naturally to those born with power. He catches sight of you as he’s speaking to a footman and pauses, gaze locking on yours.

Your legs feel heavy. Your boots sink into the snow as you approach, each step more tiring than the last. When you are finally standing before the King you bow, dipping your head as you peer at him from beneath your hood.

“Your Grace,” he murmurs, lips twitching into a cautious half-smile. “I wasn’t sure you’d come down to say goodbye.”

“And yet I have,” you respond evenly. A snowflake lands on one of his long eyelashes and you resist the urge to reach out and sweep it away. “So I do very much hope that you are pleased.”

“I am pleased.”

The King reaches for your gloved hand. He waits a heartbeat before bringing it to his mouth and pressing a kiss to your leather-clad fingers. Beneath your hood, your cheeks burn. You withdraw your hand quickly and let it fall to your side.

“Well. Then. I wish you a comfortable journey,” you say. “As well as a safe return.”

The two of you stand there for an awkward moment, the King’s expression expectant as though he’s waiting for you to say more. But you have no more to say. The words you’ve already offered him will do. They’re as empty as the vows you’d exchanged little more than a year ago.

“We ought to head out, Your Grace. We’re losing precious daylight and this weather will slow us as it is.”

The voice comes from somewhere in your periphery, but you need not see the man to know exactly who it is. Suddenly each breath you draw is painful, the frigid air pricking your lungs like a thousand tiny needles. You will yourself not to turn towards it, not to react in any way.

“You’re right.” The King acknowledges Lord Jung with a brusque nod. “Have the stablehands check over the horses one more time.”

You won’t look at him. You can’t look at him. Not when the sound of his voice reverberates through every wounded place inside of you. Not when you can close your eyes and still feel the hot trickle of embarrassment that slid down your spine that night in the woods. But then he leaves you with no other choice.

“Your Grace.”

The low timbre of Lord Jung’s greeting makes the fine hairs at the nape of your neck stand on end. You turn to him, slowly, and his dark eyes briefly connect with yours before he bends into a shallow bow. Your knees nearly give way when you return the gesture, along with a subdued, “My Lord.”

What must this man think of you now? What has he told the King? The nausea you’ve managed to stave off for days returns at once.

You startle when a gloved hand wraps around your forearm and the King beckons you to face him. You flick your eyes up to meet his and find that they – along with his countenance – have darkened. By now Lord Jung is yards away, tending to his horse as the hunting party readies to embark. Your lungs ache with each deep pull of cold air.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, no. Not at all,” you insist, contriving a weak laugh. “I’m not accustomed to this kind of cold, is all. I’ll need to go back inside to get warm.”

The King’s brows furrow as he studies you. But you maintain your mild expression until his face relaxes and the disquiet subsides. He leans in to place a chaste kiss to your cheek.

“Hyeri assures me you’ll be well taken care of in my absence.”

You lift the corners of your mouth in a gesture that you hope will pass for a smile.

“Thank you, Your Grace. Be well.”

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

Hyeri does not protest when you ask to undress upon your return to the chamber. Nor does she fuss when you climb into bed with the morning sun still high in the sky. She simply presses a soft kiss to your hair, draws the curtains tight and leaves you with a whispered rest well.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

Your chamber is dark when you wake but for the soft glow of a fire.

As you come to, so does an ache in your temples, a quiet thud that pulses in time with your heartbeat. Your muscles protest as you roll onto your side to find Hyeri seated at the hearth.

She’s yet to realize that you’ve roused and so you lie there for a while, studying her. She has a strange, far-away look in her eyes as she stares into the flames, her grip tight on a book in her lap. After a few minutes she opens the book and begins to thumb through it and you watch, curious, as she pulls a worn piece of vellum from between its pages.

She unfolds the missive and reads over it, face crumpling as she fights back a sob.

“Hyeri?”

The older woman nearly jumps out of her skin when you call out to her. She hastily folds the vellum and slips it back into her book, smoothing down her dress as she stands at attention. “Your Grace,” she says, voice huskier than usual, “I hadn’t realized you were awake.”

“It’s alright,” you say absently, voice rough with sleep. You steal a look at the book left lying in Hyeri’s chair as she hurries over to bring you some water. Her countenance is that of someone who’s been caught doing something they shouldn’t have. You stare at the glass she offers you, watching the water slosh back and forth.

Is she trembling?

“You ought to eat something,” she admonishes gently, waving a hand towards the food waiting on the table nearby. “You slept through the evening meal. I had my mind made up to wake you if you’d gone much longer, but thankfully I didn’t have to. So come,” she beckons, “Eat something. It will do you some good.”

Your stomach twinges at the mention of food. It’s been in upheaval for days now, and as such it’s been far too long since you had a proper meal. But whatever awaits in the dishes nearby smells enticing enough, so you allow Hyeri to help you out of bed. Your muscles are stiff with disuse and you grimace as you make your way to the table. Your eagle-eyed handmaid takes note.

“A long, hot bath will do you some good, too,” Hyeri remarks as you spoon lukewarm bulgogi onto your plate. You eat slowly as she busies herself with lighting the torches and stripping the linens from your bed. “I’ll have the maids bring up the water after you’ve had a chance to eat.”

You’ve only managed a few bites of the bulgogi before there’s an army of maids filing into the chamber, flitting about the room like a swarm of bees. You watch the entire affair in a daze as the maids make quick work of the tasks set before them: tidying and sweeping the chamber, draping your bed in fresh linens, filling the tub with steaming hot water. And when all the commotion is finally done, Hyeri dismisses them with strict orders not to return unless they are sent for.

You are grateful at once for the silence that immediately falls over the chamber. Even Hyeri leaves you for a while, disappearing into the antechamber to prepare your toilette. But when you glance over at her chair, Hyeri’s book is gone. Along with whatever was written on the vellum inside.

“Come now, Your Grace,” Hyeri says, at last. “I’m ready for you.”

She leads you into the bathing chamber, where the air is humid and sweet. Then she helps you out of your rumpled nightgown and holds out her hand. You accept it, leaning into her as you step over the tub’s steep rim. Slowly you ease yourself down, sucking in a breath as the heat blazes a path up your feet to your legs and thighs. The water is hot almost to the point of pain but you withstand it, sinking until it laps at your shoulders.

“I used rose oil tonight,” Hyeri says, kneeling behind you and cupping your head in her hands. “I thought you could do with a bit of pampering.”

The delicate fragrance envelopes you, carried on the curls of steam that rise just above the water. You breathe in the soft, floral scent and close your eyes; try to clear your mind. Hyeri presses her thumbs to your temples and starts making firm, soothing circles.

“I remember the very first moment I saw you,” Hyeri muses softly. “I’d been so impressed by your poise.” Her hands move to the column of your neck and she kneads at the tight muscles there, pulling the tension from them with each pass. “You were little more than a girl then, but I could still see that you were lovely, inside and out.”

Were you? You’re not sure that you would even recognize the girl that stepped out of that carriage so long ago. You’d been so idealistic – so certain of the comfortable life that you would find here. Of the affluence and status and yes, perhaps, even love that you’d enjoy once you’d ascended to the throne. But that girl had been a nitwit. The woman you are now will never entertain such foolish notions again.

“I know that so much of this has not been easy for you,” Hyeri continues, setting to work on your shoulders. “I know that there have been days when you’ve struggled to put one foot in front of the other. But you have. And that means something.”

It does mean something. It means that your mother’s great work is finally complete. She’d spent her entire life molding you into the polished, empty creature you are today. If only she could see you now; see how biddable and pathetic you’ve become. It would fill her to overflowing with joy.

“Anyhow, when you’ve lived as long as I have you realize that nothing is forever,” Hyeri says thoughtfully. “Same as what you’re going through right now, Your Grace. It won’t be forever.”

Nonsense. Hyeri cannot change the King’s heart. She cannot save you from a lifetime of awkward exchanges and forced smiles simply because she believes things can change. And she cannot will a child into your womb simply by decreeing that it should be so. The swell of emotion that surges inside you is more powerful than anything you’ve felt in days. And it’s anger.

“Hyeri, stop,” you order tersely. “No more.”

Her face falls at that, features going slack with dismay. But she heeds you, holding back whatever she’d meant to say next. Then she reaches for the soap and begins to wash your hair in silence. You chase the beads of oil that float along the surface of the water with a fingertip, cheeks hot with embarrassment. You hadn’t meant to be ugly to Hyeri.

But then you’ve done many things of late that you hadn’t meant to.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur.

“It’s alright, Your Grace. I know you meant no harm by it.” Hyeri dries her hands off and then rises to her feet, looking down at you with a kindness you do not deserve. “I’ll leave you to soak for a bit. You can have a few minutes of peace before I return.”

You’ve been unfair to her, haven’t you? The realization cuts you deep as you watch her retreat from the antechamber. She’s served you in so many ways since your arrival here: as caretaker and as advisor and as confidante. And how have you thanked her? By being cold and distant. By unleashing all the frustration and resentment you feel towards the King on her. And what of the tears you’d seen her hold back while she’d been sitting by the fire? Have you been so mired in your own anguish that you’ve neglected to see hers?

The water has begun to cool and your skin has begun to pebble by the time Hyeri returns.

“Forgive me, Your Grace,” she says upon her return, helping you out of the water. “The time got away from me. You must be freezing.”

“Only a little,” you lie, teeth chattering. Hyeri sets to drying you, throwing the damp linens on the floor to catch the rivulets of water that fall from your hair. Her dark eyes dart from your shoulders to your neck to your ears, but they do not meet yours.

“Is something wrong, Hyeri?”

“No, no. Not at all,” she answers quickly, “Just a bit tired.” Her reassurance rings hollow because she keeps her eyes trained on the floor as she bends to reach for the rose oil. When she straightens, you catch her hand with yours, stilling her.

“What were you reading tonight?”

Hyeri’s mouth opens in surprise and then quickly closes.

“I saw you sitting by the fire,” you admit. “You were reading something that looked to upset you.”

“And here I thought you were sleeping,” Hyeri grumbles, taking her hand back. She pours the oil into one palm and then warms it before pressing it to your neck, letting a long moment pass before she speaks.

“It didn’t upset me,” she explains. “Not in a sad way. Those were happy tears, I suppose.” She pours oil into your hands and begins to gently massage it into your fingers. “It was a letter from my Sanghun, back when he’d been courting me so many years ago. You might find this hard to believe, but I wasn’t always the old woman you see now. I had more than my fair share of suitors.”

It’s not hard to believe. Time has been kind to Hyeri. Her features, though soft with age, are still striking. She must have been quite fetching as a young woman.

“What made you choose Sanghun?” you ask.

“I don’t know that I had a choice in the matter at all,” she laughs as she helps you slip into a nightgown. “The moment I saw Sanghun, no other man existed for me. It was him or no one.” Her eyes go soft with a faraway look as she recounts the memory. “The other girls thought him too practical, too serious. But I saw a side of him that no one else saw. A part of him that was just for me.”

“You must miss him,” you say gently.

“Every day,” Hyeri admits. “Ten years he’s been gone and I think of him every day. Those letters remind me of what it’s like to be young and so in love that you’ll not see rhyme or reason. But –” she trails off and waves a hand as if fending off fresh tears. “Never mind that. Come sit.”

It’s unclear which of you she’s sparing from the memory. But as Hyeri begins working her comb through the lengths of your hair, you’re struck by how shortsighted you’ve been. There is suffering in never having the chance to love and be loved, certainly. But there is a different kind of suffering that comes with having that kind of love and then losing it. The thought humbles you.

Hyeri comes to stand behind you and begins working your wet hair into a loose plait.

“I’m sorry, Hyeri,” you say softly, gaze dropping to your hands. “I’m sorry that I haven’t thought to ask you about Sanghun. I haven’t been myself and I’ve just – “

Hyeri silences you with a soft hush. She secures your braid with a piece of linen and then drops to her knees to look her in the eye. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” she says softly, stroking a hand down the side of your face. “Nor do you owe anyone an explanation for feeling the things you feel.”

Her warmth thaws the frozen places inside you. It causes tears to spring to your eyes. And when she takes your hand in hers, you squeeze it gently — hoping that the gesture can convey the feelings you can’t put into words.

“Now put all of that behind you,” she says, smiling through her own unshed tears. “And come sit with me for a while.”

Hyeri leads the way into the chamber and you follow, only to stop short when the hearth comes into view.

When your gaze falls on the silhouetted figure near the fire, you nearly scream. You try to scream. But fear seizes your body, inch by inch – rooting your feet to the floor and closing around your throat like a shackle. You have no choice but stand there, staring in horrified silence as the figure begins to emerge from the shadows. In the span of one frantic heartbeat, the figure has a shape. In the next, it has a face.

And in the next, it has a name.

“H-Hyeri?” you stammer, swaying on your feet as your legs threaten to give way. Your handmaid doesn’t answer and so you call out again, voice quivering. “Hyeri?”

You cannot take your eyes off the man standing before you. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t move, and so you stare as the firelight flickers over his stark, beautiful features. Shadows dance across his clenched jaw and knit brow. And his eyes – those dark eyes you know so well are fathomless, inscrutable – smoldering coal set in unblemished, unforgiving stone.

“Hyeri!“ you call out to her again, desperate – reluctantly tearing your gaze from the man to look for her. And when your eyes finally land on Hyeri, you find your handmaid standing near the chamber door, hands clasped together tightly. Streaks of color running up the thin skin of her neck and into her soft cheeks.

But she’s not surprised, is she? Not flummoxed in any way by finding Lord Jung lying in wait inside your private rooms. The realization comes over you slowly, wholly, until a strangle tingle runs from your scalp to the tips of your fingers. She’s arranged this, hasn’t she?

“W-What is this?” The words leave you as more air than sound, but they ring out clear enough in the silence of your chamber. Lord Jung and Hyeri exchange a long look, but neither utters a sound.

“Someone speak!” you cry, wincing at the hysteria in your voice.

Hyeri finally clears her throat, her face now fully aflame. “I believe the two of you – “ she pauses, swallowing hard. “Well, I believe the two of you have some things you need to discuss.”

Discuss? You and Lord Jung? Suddenly the panic you feel metastasizes, growing into something much darker. Has he come to admonish you, then? To punish you for your disloyalty? Has he come to lay bare every humiliating detail of that horrible night at the stables for Hyeri to hear?

“No,” you whisper. You do your best to appear composed, despite the way your knees tremble. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken, Hyeri. I have nothing to discuss with Lord Jung.”

“Yes, you do.” The man in question speaks for the first time, his voice little more than a low rasp. “And we will.”

“No,” you repeat your refusal, shaking your head as though the movement will help sort your jumbled thoughts. “No. You have no right to turn up here and say what I will and will not do. And where did you come from? I saw you leave. I saw you mount your horse and ride off with – “

You stop yourself before you can finish the thought, flushing fiercely at the unspoken mention of the King. Your tedious, disinterested husband would be anything but if he had any inkling of this clandestine encounter.

“I was called back to the castle,” Lord Jung explains evenly. “A palace rider came bearing a missive bidding that I return at once to address an issue at the stables. I was but an hour’s ride away at the time.” Once again, he looks to Hyeri and they exchange another one of those maddening looks.

“But there was no issue at the stables,” you deduce quietly, the pieces falling into place, one by one. “Was there, Hyeri?” Your handmaid seems to shrink beneath the weight of the accusation in your eyes.

“No, Your Grace,” she confesses weakly, “There was not.”

Oh, but your head is truly spinning now – each new revelation more disorienting than the last. How long have these two been conspiring together? What does Hyeri know about what’s transpired between you and Lord Jung? What does he know about the many private things you’ve shared with Hyeri? Both thoughts cause the bile in your stomach to rise.

“You can leave us now, Hyeri,” Lord Jung says. “Thank you.”

Leave you? Has the man lost all good sense? You open your mouth to protest, but when met with the intensity in his glittering dark eyes, words fail you. You just stand there, mouth agape, rendered mute and immobile with shock. You look over at Hyeri, who has fixed her pleading eyes to your wide ones, her expression urging you to comply. And though you cannot make sense of a single thing that you’ve witnessed tonight, you do.

“Very well, My Lord,” she says quietly. “Rest well, Your Grace. The staff rouses at dawn.”

And with that Hyeri takes her leave, the chamber door closing behind her with a heavy thud that echoes the one in your chest.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

Once you are alone with Lord Jung, you realize how truly vulnerable you are.

With little more than a thin nightgown to cover you, he can see far more of you than would ever be considered proper. All it would take was one shout from the man to bring the guards running, to compromise you both to the point of expulsion. Perhaps worse.

But the situation is far weightier than that.

You’ve been vulnerable to this man from nearly the first moment you saw him. You’d been weak to his attention and charms. You’d allowed him to see you in ways that no one else has: not Chaehee, not Hyeri and certainly not the King. And the only time in your life that you’d thrown caution to the wind – and acted with abandon, not restraint – he’d mortified you. The memory of that night is a wound that’s just barely begun to heal, and now here Lord Jung stands, poised to pour salt on it.

You’ll not allow him to devastate you again.

“Go on then,” you say, lifting your chin and speaking with feigned bravado. “You’ve gone to great lengths to speak to me, so speak. I assume you’ll enlighten me as to which matter is so pressing that you felt the need to steal into my chamber and risk ruin for us both.”

“I know what I’m risking,” he growls. Then he stops to collect himself, exhaling deeply as he shoves a hand through his hair. “I know what we both stand to lose. But I could not come to you any other way.”

“Why have you come to me at all?” you demand. “You made your feelings quite clear the night of the festival, did you not?” You can no longer contain your bitterness and it drips from your every word. “You should go back to your sovereign, My Lord. Back to your King.”

Lord Jung looks stricken when you use his own words against him. There is a despair in his dark eyes that might have pained you once, but not now. Not anymore.

“You have every right to be angry with me, Your Grace,” he acknowledges. “And if you bid me to leave, then I will do so. But not without telling you the truth. You deserve to hear the truth.”

“Everything here is a lie. Perhaps you, most of all.”

He looks at you for a long moment before turning towards the hearth to gaze into the fire. Orange-red light illuminates his profile, sweeping across his smooth brow, over the elegant slope of his nose and down to his strong jaw. He is still the most beautiful – and most terrible man you’ve ever known.

“The King said he would give her up,” he says woodenly, staring into the flames. “When your marriage was announced, he swore it. And I believed him.”

Every muscle in your body pulls tight.

“I knew that he loved her. We all did. But he vowed that he would respect his father’s wishes and I’ve never known him to be a duplicitous man. I’ve never known him to say one thing and do another. And when I realized that he’d been deceiving you, deceiving us all, I – “ he stops and shakes his head at the memory. “ – I wasn’t thinking clearly. I confronted him at once and demanded that he explain himself.”

The argument in the courtyard. The memories come back to you in an instant. The way they’d both looked so irate, the way their voices would rise and then fall. Lord Jung turning his back on the King and stalking away into the dark.

The tightness in your chest is unbearable now, viselike.

“I was so damned angry,” he whispers, more to himself than to you. “Never once in my life have I imagined putting my hands on the King, but in that moment – I don’t know. I don’t know what I might have done had I not walked away. But I confronted him because I had to know why.”

He rips his gaze from the fire and turns to you, eyes flashing.

“And do you know what he told me? Do you know what he said when I asked him why he would insult you by keeping a lover? He told me that he couldn’t stay away. That he’d tried to do the honorable thing but he couldn’t stay away.”

“Why are you telling me this?” The tremor in your voice belies your pathetic attempt at composure. “If you mean to cause me pain, it’s too late. I’ve known about the King’s lover since the early days of this marriage, and I’ve accepted it. Just as I’ve accepted that I’ll never amount to more than a trinket he dusts off to show to his people.”

Lord Jung takes a step towards you, his beautiful face hard in the firelight. There’s a maelstrom behind his eyes, a polite violence that sets you to shiver.

“I’m telling you this because I need you to understand,” he says. “I want to hate him. I have tried to hate him. But I cannot. I have no position of honor to stand on. No rightful claim to virtue. I have no right to condemn the King for his sins when I have so many of my own to account for.”

“I – I don’t understand,” you say weakly.

“I have no right – “ his voice breaks, thick with emotion, “-- I have no right to denounce the King for coveting another woman.” He drags a hand down his face, distraught. “Not when I have spent every single day since you stepped out of that carriage coveting you.”

You stop breathing entirely.

“So no,” he continues, voice graveled. “I cannot bring myself to hate the King. And you were right to think me a liar. I’ve pretended that my nearness to you was benign, nothing more than an act of service. I’ve tried to make myself look honorable to you, when I have been anything but. I’ve been a liar since the moment I met you.”

You are trembling now, head to toe. Rendered speechless by Lord Jung’s confession. Slowly, the maelstrom in his eyes starts to recede. He looks as vulnerable now as you feel.

“You deserved to know the truth,” he says quietly. “If from no one else, than from me.”

There is a heavy silence in the seconds it takes you to find your voice.

“My Lord, I – “

“Don’t call me that,” he pleads. “Please. Not now. Not when I’ve come to you like this.”

“Very well, Hoseok. But you sent me away. In the woods that night, I’d asked you to – “ you stop, not wanting to say the words aloud. “What’s changed? Why are you telling me this now?”

“I have tried to leave you alone.” His voice is ragged now, anguished. “I thought if I could just put some distance between us – if I rose earlier and worked harder and retired later – that I could exhaust this need out of me. But I can’t.” Torment is etched into every line of his beautiful face. It makes you want to reach out and touch him but you resist, uncertainty keeping your hands pinned to your sides.

“I cannot war with myself any longer,” he says hoarsely. “I cannot continue to lie to you or myself. And if he is not willing to give you the things you desire, then I will.”

Heat rushes to your cheeks, your neck. It gathers in your belly, too.

“So if you’re asking me why now?” he says, taking another step towards you, closing what little distance remains. “It’s because I couldn’t stay away.”

He touches you then, takes your face into one warm hand and strokes his fingers down your temple, smooths the pad of his thumb over your lips. The featherlight touch raises goosebumps all over your skin. It’s more intimate than anything you’ve ever experienced with the King.

“Do you still want me to kiss you?” he murmurs.

“No,” you breathe. “I want so much more than that.”

He looks at you with such heat that the warmth in your belly goes molten. Then he presses his mouth to yours and slowly coaxes it open with gentle strokes of his tongue. He tastes of whiskey and smells of fine, heady soap and he does not relent until you are panting. Moisture gathers at the juncture of your thighs, beneath your thin nightgown.

But suddenly you are apprehensive. You’ve no idea how to kiss a man properly, much less satisfy him as a lover. And you’re not sure that you could ever live down the shame of disappointing him. When he finally pulls away to look down at you with heavy-lidded eyes, you have no choice but to confess.

“There’s something you should know, Hoseok,” you say, the sound of his given name still foreign in your mouth. “It’s just that – well, I am by no means a maiden but in some respects, I might as well be. I know almost nothing about how to please you.”

Anger flashes in his eyes, and for one terrifying moment you fear it’s for you.

“That is through no fault of your own,” he says darkly. “And if he’s been too much of a fool to see to your needs, then so be it.” He dips his head to press a kiss to your ear, then whispers, “Your pleasure will be mine and mine alone.”

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

Hoseok spends an inordinate amount of time tending to the fire.

You sit on the edge of your bed and watch him, feverish with anticipation as he moves the weakest logs and adds fresh ones. Once he’s satisfied, once the chamber is glowing with fresh flames and warmth, he cleans his hands and comes to you.

Your heart rattles harder with each step he takes towards your bed.

When he’s finally standing at the foot of your bed, he takes off his belt. And then reaches behind his head to pull his tunic away. The sight of his bare chest is enough to make your mouth go dry. His body is lithe and sleek and strong, his muscles rippling as he puts his hands down on either side of you and lowers his mouth to yours for a kiss.

“Tonight is about you, pretty bird,” he murmurs, trailing more kisses across your cheek, down your neck. “So I want you to tell me everything you want.”

“I want to see you.” The words leave you in a rush an account of the way his mouth moves from the juncture of your neck and to the hollow of your collarbone. “All of you.”

Hoseok wastes no time in straightening to his full height to remove his breeches, and then his smallclothes. And try as you might not to stare, it cannot be helped. You’ve never been able to study a man like this. Not even the King.

“Can I touch you?”

“Please,” he groans.

And then you are cautiously reaching for him, wrapping a hand around the length of him, marveling at the way he pulses in your palm. You run your fingertips down the skin of his shaft, awestruck by how silky and warm he is. But when your fingers reach the blunt head of him, he flinches.

“I don’t – I’m sorry,” you say quickly. “Did I hurt you?

“No, no. You didn’t hurt me,” he assures you, his voice sounding a bit strangled. “I’m just sensitive there, is all.”

“Will you show me, then?” you ask, curiosity far stronger than any self-consciousness you might feel. “Show me how to touch you.”

“Of course.”

He sits down on the bed beside you, taking hold of your hand. And then you watch with a heady mix of confusion and excitement as he takes your fingers into his mouth one, by one. He finishes the unfamiliar preparation by licking a long stripe up the palm of your hand. The stroke of his tongue sends a bolt of desire racing through you.

“It’s easier like this,” he explains, guiding your hand back to his length. You take hold of him again and this time he wraps his hand around yours. He moves your hand for you, up and down the length of him, until you can feel him growing hotter and harder in your hand. You’re fascinated by it all – by how firmly he wants to be touched, by how labored his breathing becomes, by the way the muscle and sinew in his legs seem to twitch at your command.

He leans over to capture your mouth as he begins to buck into your hand in earnest. And after a while his own hand falls away, leaving you to take control of his pleasure. And what an intoxicating power he’s given you – taut muscles in his abdomen flexing with each of his strained breaths.

“That feels so good, pretty bird,” he groans, taking your bottom lip between his teeth. “Just right. Your hand feels so good around me like this.”

The wetness you’d felt between your thighs when he’d kissed you the first time returns, and each sound of pleasure he rewards you with makes you wetter and warmer. He is rock hard in your hand now, the dusky head of his manhood shiny with moisture. You watch a bead of it appear at the tip and you slide your fingertips over it, transfixed by how smooth it feels. Beside you, Hoseok shudders.

“I think that’s enough for now,” he says, breathless. “I’ll be of no use to you if you keep that up for much longer.”

You have half a mind to protest, but then his hands are sliding over the thin material of your nightgown, cupping your breasts through the gauzy fabric. He takes one of your nipples between his fingers and teases it until it’s standing at attention. You sigh.

“Can I take this off?” he whispers, pulling at the nightgown.

You hesitate. Not even the King has seen you nude. Not once has he ever asked you to remove your nightgown and so for a long time, that is what you’d assumed he preferred. That is, until you’d caught him in bed with his lover.

“Look at me,” Hoseok says, sensing your anxiety. He tips your chin up until your gaze meets his own. “I’ll not ask you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to use my mouth and hands on you. On all of you.”

You inhale deeply, flustered by the way he speaks so plainly about his desires. But that’s what you want, isn’t it? What you’ve longed for all this time. And that’s what he’s promised you, isn’t it? Pleasure. Pleasure that will be his and his alone.

You draw your nightgown up to your thighs and then raise up to pull it even higher. When you’ve finally discarded it, when there is nothing left between you and Hoseok you flush, looking away.

“You have nothing to hide,” he rasps. “You’re beautiful. Believe me, pretty bird – you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

Emboldened by the praise, you draw nearer to him and trace the outline of his heart-shaped mouth with one finger. And then it is your lips that find his; your tongue that moves past the seam of his lips and your teeth that find the shell of his ear. You thread your fingers in his hair, and he groans, gathering you close.

“You can’t imagine how many nights I’ve dreamed of you like this,” he says, gently laying you back on the bed. “You can’t imagine how many nights I’ve taken myself in hand to these fantasies.”

Oh, but you can imagine, can’t you? The few times you’d dared to try and seek your own pleasure, it had been him in your mind’s eye as your hand was between your legs. It had always been him.

Hoseok’s mouth leaves yours and when it finds the tip of one aching breast, you gasp.

“Do you like that?” he goads, laving your nipple with his tongue, taking it between his teeth. The pang of pleasure he incites in you is so sharp, you cry out. “Your body is so responsive,” he murmurs. “So damned responsive.”

There is only so much of that particular torture you can take, and so when his mouth finally leaves your breasts you exhale a sigh of relief. But then his mouth is on your sternum, and then your stomach, and then –

You freeze.

“I want to kiss you here,” Hoseok explains, cupping your mound with one large hand. “I promised you pleasure and this is the surest way to it. Will you let me?”

He looks up at you from the edge of the bed, his dark hair wild and his dark eyes glossy with desire, his mouth hovering over your most secret place. Your pulse skitters, heart pounding erratically at the thought of him kissing you there.

“Is it – is it proper?” you ask, chiding yourself at once for asking such a stupid question. Your face flames when Hoseok raises a brow. “I don’t know that I’ve ever thought to consider the … propriety of such an act,” he says slowly. “But I know that you’ll enjoy it if you allow me to show you. And if you don’t enjoy it, I’ll stop.”

In the seconds that follow, you think about the way he’d let you take him in hand. How he’d showed you how to bring him pleasure, without reserve. How powerful you’d felt when he’d been shuddering under your touch. He’d trusted you, hadn’t he? Just as you now must trust him.

“Alright,” you whisper, nodding your assent. “I trust you.”

He grins at you then, wickedly, before lowering his mouth to your mons. And then he is kissing you there, softly, each brush of his lips moving lower and lower still. Until you feel the heat of his breath at your entrance. You tense.

“Relax for me,” he instructs, licking a long, wet stripe up the length of you. The touch sends a frisson of sensation shooting through your limbs. “Close your eyes and try to think of nothing but this.”

And then he sets his tongue to the tiny pearl at your entrance.

And at once, you see stars.

“H-Hoseok!” you gasp, your hips flying off the bed at the contact. The urge to snap your legs shut is almost as strong as the urge to push deeper into the pleasing press of his tongue. Almost.

But he pins your legs down with his arms and continues the onslaught, stroking and licking at you with his tongue, nipping at you with his teeth. You grab fistfulls of the duvet as though it might ground you somehow, keep you from bursting into flame.

And then he slides one long finger into you.

You are incoherent now, moaning and begging in broken sentences that do not make sense. But your body is responding in ways that your words cannot, hips moving in time with his mouth. Each pass of his tongue sends sharp spikes of pleasure to your core. You’d thought you’d known what this pleasure felt like, that perhaps you’d be able to reach it on your own someday, but never once had it been like this.

And then you can feel it – the coil turning inside you, the desperate ascent to the one place you’ve never been able to reach. And it’s so close, so so close – the promise of whatever awaits on the other side strong enough to sate this nameless craving that you’ve felt for so long. It’s within your reach now, if only you can just hold on.

And then it stops.

He takes his mouth and tongue away and the pleasure vanishes. “Hoseok, no,” you cry, sapped of all energy, robbed once again of the relief you so desperately seek. “Please,” you beg weakly, “please.”

But he’s at your side now, the length of his body resting against yours, his manhood hard and hot against your leg. “Come now, pretty bird,” he soothes, “I didn’t bring you this high just to let you fall.”

He presses his lips to your ear at the same time he presses his fingers back to the aching bud between your thighs. “Go on then,” he whispers. “Fly.”

He brings every sensation he’d wrought from you rushing back with his fingers. His mouth hovers at your ear, whispering his encouragement until the coil inside you snaps. He must have known that you’d not be able to contain yourself when you came apart because he covers your mouth with his own, swallowing the sobs he wrenches from you, bringing you down slowly as you come apart.

And when you finally come to your senses again, when your breathing has evened and your heart has slowed and every part of you feels liquid and languid, he smiles.

“I couldn’t risk you waking the entire castle,” he explains apologetically, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” you shudder through your quiet laughter, aftershocks of sensation rippling through you. “Quite the opposite, in fact. I’ve never – never experienced anything like that.”

“That’s mine,” he murmurs, going up on one elbow. “Just as I told you it would be.”

Indeed. But what about his pleasure? The firm reminder of it remains pressed against you, the rigid length of it leaking onto your duvet. You reach for it and he draws a sharp breath through his clenched teeth.

“I want to feel you inside me,” you say softly, noting the way a muscle tics in his jaw. You wrap your hand around him and squeeze, astounded by how feverishly hot he feels. “Please.”

Hoseok nods, climbing over you and settling his hips between your thighs. He takes himself in hand and when you feel the blunt head of him at your entrance, you tense again. But he doesn’t enter you right away. Instead he looks down at you, his dark eyes brimming with emotion.

“Are you certain,” he breathes, his brow dotted with a fine sheen of sweat. “I need to hear you say it.”

You lift up to kiss him, pressing your lips to his. “Take me, Hoseok,” you whisper. “Now.”

And in one sure stroke, he’s buried to the hilt inside you.

Bodies sealed, fates sealed.

The force of his entry steals the breath from your lungs. And though you’ve been breached before, it’s never felt like this. You’re still sensitive from the pleasure he’d given you only moments before and each of his thrusts only heightens the sensation.

You cling to him as he rocks against you, closing your eyes to revel in the fullness. He buries his head in your neck and thrusts harder, the sound of his skin meeting yours just as gratifying as it is lurid. And when he reaches between you to press his fingers to your pearl once again, impossibly you feel fresh pleasure begin to bloom.

Broken phrases fall from his lips, a string of curses and blessings and everything in between. And his coarse language doesn’t scandalize you; in fact it only causes you to hurtle towards the peak faster. And then you’re flying again – flying apart, scattering into a million pieces. Crying into his mouth as your release explodes into color and tiny wisps of fire slowly drift back to the earth.

But you come back to yourself just as his rhythm has started to falter, just as the steady cant of his hips becomes so frenetic that you know his own release is near. You have only a moment to mourn the loss of his weight and his warmth before he’s on his knees before you.

You’ve never seen anything more erotic. Firelight flickers over him as he throws his head back, the cords in his neck clenching as he takes himself in hand. And then he is groaning, long and low, as his release spills on to the duvet.

Then he collapses onto you, wrapping you up in his arms, turning you both until he’s on his back and your head rests upon his chest. And then you both lie there for a while, skin to skin, watching the flames cast shadows on the stone.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

Neither one of you sleep, the threat of dawn too near to indulge in any such luxury.

“What happens now, Hoseok?”

You ask the question after he’s made love to you a second time, both of you too exhausted to move. Hoseok inhales and exhales deeply. “I don’t know. I have no control over the world outside of that chamber door, pretty bird.”

You map the lines of his chest with one finger, thoughtful.

“You told me earlier that if the King would not give me the things I desire, you would. Did you mean that?”

“I did,” Hoseok says, pressing a kiss to your hair. “If it’s within my power, then I will. I will give you anything I can.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, closing your eyes and breathing deeply. “Thank you.”

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

You sit by the window and take in the afternoon sunlight, eyes drooping as you fight to stay awake.

You cannot ever remember being so tired. You sleep in fits and starts now, two or three hours at a time. And your body is too fatigued to talk up walking again, though the fresh air and exercise would do you some good. But you will walk again, soon. It won’t be long before you’re sitting with your birds and reading in the gentle Spring breeze.

Hyeri charges into the room like a bull, the tea tray in her hand clattering loudly. You narrow her eyes at her as she approaches and she fixes you with a sardonic look.“Oh, hush you,” she grumbles, setting the tray down on the table and walking over to you. “I wasn’t that loud.”

But her scowl falls away as her gaze locks on the baby at your breast, her muted eyes glowing with admiration.

“That’s a fine Prince you have there, Your Grace,” she says softly. Then she looks up at you and her scowl returns. “Though at the rate you’re going, I’ll never get to hold him, will I? You’ve an entire staff to help you with him, and still you refuse. You’re going to make that boy rotten.”

You chuckle under your breath as you stroke your hand over the tuft of downy hair at your son’s crown. He blinks up at you with his huge dark eyes, and your heart is filled to overflowing with a love that you once you thought you’d never know.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

y,all i finished it! hahah okay so listen. if you'd like to talk to me, i'd love to hear from you. please consider reblogging and dropping me an ask 💕

#hoseok smut #hoseok x reader #j-hope smut #j-hope x reader #bts smut #bts fic #bts x reader

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rashomonss · 5 months

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your Learning to Adapt hc was amazing, i loved it sm!!!

that being said, i need a dateables ver., i crave the sweet succulent angst (ㅅ´ ˘ `)♡

a/n: ahh thank you! I’m so glad you and so many others liked it omg!! I got a bunch of comments and asks for a pt 2, so due to popular demand here is a dateables + luke version of learning to adapt! hope you enjoy!

warnings: there will be some small spoilers concerning seasons 3 and 4 of the og! obey me, it’s nothing major though

readjusting | learning to adapt pt 1.

it’s not the same without you

Diavolo is left with remnants of you all around him. All the belongings you left at the Demon Lord's castle remain in the same spots they were placed in by you. None of them are touched, he can’t bring himself to.

A part of him feels as if he failed you somehow, he's supposed to be the demon prince yet he couldn’t even protect the person he cherished the most.

Whenever he eats dinner it always happens to be a human world dish. One of your favorites, for some odd reason he hasn’t wanted much Devildom food since you’ve left.

Diavolo goes through many stages of grief during this time.

At first he drowns himself in his responsibilities, so much so Barbatos questions if he is receiving enough rest.

However once you get him into bed he can never seem to get out, instead he stares at the pillow case next to him and sighs. Only a few months ago you were laying there next to him smiling as you both talked late into the night about anything and everything.

He loved talking to you. If anything he misses your voice the most. That reassuring voice always seemed to brighten his day as well as others around him. That lovely voice that would put him to sleep at night when he claimed to have trouble sleeping.

If Diavolo was honest he’d give anything to hear you call his name once again.

Barbatos finds himself lonely for one of the first times in his existence.

More often than not he’s gotten used to you being alongside him as he cooks or cleans around the castle. With that in mind he’ll turn over his shoulder to ask you something but then realize you're not there. Often times when this happens he’ll make a face then silently continue cleaning.

The numerous little D’s around the castle tend to worry for him because he’s always on edge lately. Especially after a certain trip to the market he made alone.

It was a morning like any other and Barbatos set off for one of his favorite outdoor markets. Diavolo requested a human realm dish and this place was the perfect place for acquiring human realm food.

You often went with him, explaining your favorite foods and what not to him when you got the chance. He loved leaning more about you at any given chance, especially if you were alone with him.

As he stepped into the market and gathered a few goods here and there he began to pay the shop owner and then man made a remark of him missing his other half. Barbatos knew that he was referring to you and with that he payed the shop owner quickly and then left.

Ever since then he’s stopping visiting that stall.

If he’s being honest he’s not fond of making your favorite dishes for Diavolo while you’re not here. However he’ll never mention that to anyone.

Simeon wishes to be an angel again, this was the first and only time he wished that.

If he was then…maybe he could possibly aid with your safe return. That’s what he tells himself anyway. Simeon can’t help but blame himself for whatever reason for your disappearance.

While you're gone he takes this time to comfort Luke as well as the brothers. If he’s able to keep a level head then it should make others less anxious.

He also takes up cleaning most of Purgatory Hall as well as the House of Lamentation when the brothers lock themselves away for certain periods of time.

Simeon tries his hardest to remain calm and distract himself with other hobbies he likes; however each little thing he does reminds him of you.

When he picks up a pen he thinks of how you adored his work, praised it even, as you laid on his bed while he told you numerous different story plots and tales he had for upcoming chapters. When he passes a store and sees only his reflection a pang is felt in his chest. Just a few months ago both of you shared a smiling reflection in a store window as you walked hand in hand with him.

He doesn't know how much more of this he can take, but he’ll never let anyone know that.

Luke bakes himself into exhaustion. Oftentimes he bakes recipes the two of you would make when you spent the night at Purgatory Hall. Recently however, Simeon has had to stop him because the countertops are overflowing with sweets as Luke puts a new cake into the oven.

Luke likes to carry out activities you both would do together, such as watching the same shows you liked to watch with him, or visiting the same places you would take him too when you weren’t with the brothers.

Luke misses you so much but he knows you're okay, Simeon told him so. Still that doesn’t calm his emotions any less. Because of this Luke continues to pray for your safety and will bless your belongings.

This has caused some issues with the brothers because they become unable to touch that item for a while.

Just like the others he sometimes will visit your room and just sit silently in there wishing and praying for your safe return.

Bonus characters

Mephisto finds himself ignoring the desk you use while you spent time in the newspaper club room.

Sure all of your belongings are there and in the same place as well as all the pictures of the brothers and your other friends. Even him. But he doesn’t care.

It’s not as if he dusts off your desk at the end of every week and does weekly checks on your camera to make sure it’s up to date and still has all of the saved pictures you took.

It’s not as if he hasn’t downloaded a copy of the photos on your camera to is own personal laptop and scrolls through the ones you took of you and him when he feels lonely.

Of course he doesn’t miss the human who invaded his club room and made it lively like they do to every part of the school they reside in.

He doesn’t even realize that he gets the same drink every afternoon from the vending machine. It’s not as if you brought it to him every time you showed up. He just drinks it because it’s good.

And no he doesn’t glance at the door every hour or so hoping you’d barge in. Thats ludicrous. But currently its only a hope in his mind.

Thirteen sighs as she looks across the Devildom. Usually you both would be sharing this beautiful sight together, however she’s alone today. Like always.

She deems it fine. But maybe company would be nice, maybe. She’s grown found of your voice, your company, and even the atmosphere you bring to a conversation. She could sit and listen to you for hours.

She still wears the friendship bracelet you made her. It’s never been taken off once. And since she’s had a bit of spare time while you’ve been away she made you a few. Maybe some to even wear in your next life.

Since she can’t give it to you currently she put it around the base of your candle, that she watches daily; hourly even.

For her favorite human to disappear out of the blue like this made her very protective of your soul. At times she finds herself blabbing to your candle when she’s had an interesting day, or if she has a new trap idea.

To her it’s nice talking to the candle, but she really wishes to talk to the owner of it more.

At first Raphael didn’t feel completely lonely like the others. He had a decent relationship with you but it wasn’t nearly as close as Simeon’s or Luke’s for that matter.

However a part of him can’t help but try to comfort the beings around him during this time. He does truly care for the brothers so he does whatever he can to help them as well as Simeon.

At the end of the day he does find himself missing you. The conversations you would have with him were interesting and he loved the sparkle your eye would hold when he talked about his days in the celestial realm when the brothers were still angels.

He promised to take you to the celestial realm a while ago and show off in depth how beautiful it was. You smiled at his promise and he always remember that.

Sighing to himself, he currently wished to walk with you through a celestial realm garden to ease his mind.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me nightbringer #obey me angst #omswd angst #obey me nightbringer angst #obey me dateables #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me mephistopheles #obey me thirteen #obey me raphael

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thatdeadaquarius · 22 days

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Hello there, friend I'm here for fluff

OK, this has been on my mind for a while

But like

The reader is just becoming the biggest parent to the Benny's adventure team kids

And the wolfs

We are like a parent of like 27

Knitting and making food brushing razors hair(let's be for real, you would hear a crunch when you brush it)

I'm not gonna lie

Do these kids know what spices are?

Cuz when I think about it

Razor hasn't had shit so he's has the least tolerance for spice

He would probably cry if you feed him a pepper

Bennett has tried spicy food but does go well with it

And not completely sure if fischl has had a spicy food before

But what flavor does mondstadt add to their food??

These kids need the damn flavors

AHDHAKALL FERAL ANIMAL AQUARIUS- ANOTHER PLATONIC ASK AAHHHHGGGGDJJSFHSAK!!!!!

AND ITS YOU!! ITS- ITS- ONE OF THE WRITING RULERS OF SAGAU (FOR ME AT LEAST) <3 !!!!!!!!

You cooking in genshin all anime studio ghibli style looking like food from god (literally): ⬆️

Sun: Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish

Stars: Benny’s Adventure Team! (Bennett, Fischl, Razor), Diluc, mentions of other Mond characters

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: mild cussing, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

☆

^^ The posts being referenced in ask, (OG Razor ask) (Benny + Razor) and a more direct sequel, a part 2? a part 4 atp?? of this post (Imposter/Not Dark AU + Razor + Diluc) ^^

OMFG

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP BITCHES

SINCE UR IN TEYVAT

YOU GONNA COOK LIKE TEYVAT

AS IN-

SHIT BE SUPER EASY TO COOK, AND MASS MAKE DEPENDING ON COMPLEXITY OF DISH

(So, like Zhongli's special Bamboo Shoot Soup is like getting made... once a year if you read the little desc. for that dish 💀)

AND THEYRE ALL LIKE-

ANIME GORGEOUS FOODS ✨️❤️‍🔥

OKAY SO

PROMO TIME-

U GUYS HAVE TO WATCH THE ANIME "CAMPFIRE COOKING IN ANOTHER WORLD"

Bc that's mostly where this inspo gonna come from to both be realistic cooking + best parts of video game cooking

A guy gets isekai’d and instead of hero powers he just gets the skill of "online grocery shopping" LMAO

and ofc he gets insta gifted whatever he orders and starts making dishes and adding spices and regular stuff you know. like soy sauce.

but the best part is the food in that world is like British medieval soup shit

like barely salted, no spices definitely, no sauces, its barren

so he ends up attracting all kinds of interest that want to eat his cooking ofc

And it gives buffs too!

dw i didnt spoil anything u don't learn in the first episode, but that's just to say that's exactly whats happening here

u DO have to manually collect more ingredients but its so worth it, also u can just buy in bulk or put a commission thru the adventurer guild

tbhhh now that i say that, that could be how u end up drawing in Benny’s Adventure Team even more, bc they just take all ur quests for collecting ingredients around Mond!!

(u have to actively sneak behind their back and whisper to Katheryne that you want to put in other food quests in other guilds tho, silly kids will absolutely go running around Liyue and crazy shit just to have an adventure and do smth for you + eat ur banger food lol)

omfg the first time u barbecue smth???

the wolves, Razor, and Andrius??? Go feral.

Fischl and Benny who were already on their way to u guys to hang out again start booking it thru the woods, dodging hilichurl camps (thatve since settled down and been v peaceful to the wolves + anyone in the woods of Wolvendom after u started living there)

they knowww ur cookin smth fucking amazing

(and u even have some hilichurls and mitachurl that wander close to Andrius’ edge of the woods to shyly beg for scraps,, u give them a portion)

Razor was actually lookin at u like u hung the stars just for him when u gave him a homemade barbecue sauce to put on his food

(u acc may have done that to Teyvatians according to Andrius + the stories u overheard from Springvale…)

ok but the amount of begging u get for desserts like-

No, Razor u cannot have chocolate cake/cupcakes after every meal, u need to take care of ur teeth

(u use ur collection of mora-monster-donations for comms for more ingredients and living supplies like fabric + furniture, u cant afford dental on top of that for ur boy)

Fischl dutifully declares you the “best chef in the kingdom” and writes down all ur recipes (u have them auto-stored in ur settings obv but it cant hurt to have a physical copy, and they look so happy doing it, u don't have the heart to tell them its not necessary-)

Benny insists on both giving u extra ingredients when he takes ur commissions, and giving u handmade trinkets or weapons for the meals!!

No!! He will not take “im good” for an answer!! ur sharing ur home-cave with him, taking care of his best friend Razor, and now feeding him food better than Liuli Pavilion!!! There’s no way he can just take all that and give nothing back!!!!

and theyre not the only ones getting some food tbh

when the knights begin patroling near Wolvendom and slowly all of Mondstadt to search for their “All God”, u break up the beginnings of a fight between 2 confused knights and the now peaceful hilichurl camp at the edge of Wolvendom

U offer some snacks u were going to give Benny’s Adventure Team when they got back (u made little triangle sandwiches, rice balls, etc. finger foods, and u made plenty extra bc u kno their teenage appetites lol)

the knights and hilichurls nearly cried with appreciation, which made for a hilarious sight when the teens actually showed up lmao

ur wearing ur cloak, bc u dont wanna take on that whole “creator of worlds” title just yet, and the kids helped verify u werent anyone suspicious (Benny + Fischl keep ur godly secret, theyre the best like that 🥰)

the knights just swing by for snacks occasionally (they also either pay u in trade or with mora, theyre not bullies)

another person who gets flavored food privileges is the lazy librarian witch herself

u also sometimes pick Razor up from Lisa’s tutoring and bring “the best tea and tea snacks in the world” along with to share with Lisa and him

(she is also fully aware after awhile of meeting u of what u are, and fully believes this is why the food must be enchanted to be so good, but u dont want to be treated super reverently she can tell, so she keeps ur secret too and is just extra flirty when u come by lol)

(Razor refuses to let his pare- Lupical move out of ur cozy cave to the library, so he sometimes hauls u away when Lisa flirts too much LMAO)

…and the moment you've been waiting for.

Yes, Diluc got to try ur food that night he was searching Wolvendom for signs of the god of Teyvat

tbh Diluc was half-convinced that shit was a fever dream.

a bunch of sleepy wolves, a coffee table in the stone colosseum, a giant spirit wolf licking a big plate clean, the wolf-kid glaring at him, and you.

you with gold eyes, staring right thru his soul, like you already know everything there is to know about him, (like the way Kaeya looked at him that night),

like he doesnt even have to introduce himself

and he doesnt, u just lightly smack Razor’s hands until he gets rid of his claymore w/a pout, since Diluc had long since dropped his,

and grab a plate, piling on what leftovers u could, and turn back around from the coffee table to smile at him, patting the cushion-seat beside u for him to join

The giant glowing wolf licks his lips and watches him, the wolf-kid’s creepily watches him, and you, with eyes gold in teh light of a simmering bonfire just past the table, watch him

he just sits down and begins to eat.

its the best food he’s ever had, its his dad’s favorite dish, but not realistically, but the way memory embellishes a dish so much it can never be tasted again, except its right here. in front of him. u pour some wolfhook juice for him, and offer him a napkin to wipe his mouth and eyes

Diluc visits often after that, obviously.

u give him snacks too, and when he lets the staff try some, Adeline will not stop harassing him abt gettin ur recipes/ingredeints so u get him to pay Fischl to get a copy of their recipe book :)

including blank pages for future entries, and Fischl is literally glowing with happiness, would not stop monologuing abt ur food for weeks (send help Oz wants some peace and quiet sometimes)

Oh Diluc absolutely told the Favonius knights he found you. But he’s not saying where LMAO

Jean is actually begging him, Diluc ik u hate the knights but this is an international investigation-

this is the closest Diluc has ever gotten to getting under Venti’s skin.

when he told him this at Angel’s while bartending, he just casually ofc said this, just his smug little smirk, and the anemo god cracked a glass and everything- esp when he said he tried ur cooking??

he's gotta start looking over his shoulder in the city bc not only is Venti stalking him, the entirety of Mondstadt’s citizens are glaring at him in envy everywhere he goes LMAOO

(Venti now has a bar glass or too on his tab to pay off as well)

mans is literally paying u in weapon/artifact materials/mora to make him lunch one day and Venti nearly lunges over the counter

(Diluc purposefully ate it in front of him 💀)

ur food is the ultimate, “u could make a religion out of this!” /ref

like Diluc fully gives u offerings of ingredients he can pay for shipping from other countries + along with regular materials after grinding in domains

does the rest of Mondstadt + the world find out where u are?

only if Diluc lets them tbh. LMFAO

☆

bk trashfire my beloved <3 love ur ideas and stuff, goes without even saying im so sorry i took actually forever to respond :’(

hope u have a great weekend and i did this little side story justice for you

Safe Travels BK Trashfire,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡my beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit / @chinuneko / @silvers-tongue

@kiyomi-uchiha777

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inhuman-obey-me · 8 months

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what do you think happens when a human gives a demon their soul in exchange for a pact?? would it give that demon all the wisdom? powers of the human??

From what we've seen in the game, honestly it basically mostly comes down to like...wanting human souls because demons find them shiny and attractive. And tasty? Also tasty.

However, it seems that's basically the extent of it, in terms of what demons get from human souls themselves.

(spoilers for Nightbringer below the cut)

When it comes to potentially receiving things like wisdom and power from humans, you have to remember that demons (and angels, for that matter) don't actually really...think quite so highly of humans?

Compared to demons and angels, humans are essentially considered weak beings to be guided or influenced by one side or the other -- a point that has been especially emphasized in Nightbringer.

Let's use Solomon as an example -- a human that has both power and wisdom. In fact, he has been outright known as the names "Solomon the Wise" and the "Witty Sorcerer" in OM canon, and he is the most powerful sorcerer ever to exist, in terms of power as a human. And even for all that, that's only barely enough to make Lucifer have to actually put a little bit of effort into warding him off. Lucifer has made clear more than once that, if he actually cared more, Solomon would absolutely be no match for him.

Now, to be fair, Solomon does have 72 pacts -- but none of those pacts have actually been confirmed in-game to be for his soul. We know that Asmo was just sort of drunkenly manipulated into making a pact, and Barbatos mentions in the "Tea Time With You" Devilgram that his pact with Solomon is actually about atonement. Which, by the way, is a super juicy tidbit for them to have dropped in a Devilgram and we desperately want to know more about that?? When he makes a pact with Asmo a second time in Nightbringer, that also involves no promises of his soul. And, more generally, Solomon argues in NB Lesson 17 that most pact-making usually involves having to manipulate or outsmart demons -- though, we also know from Thirteen that his soul is amazingly shiny, and that's why she also wants it.

Now, that's Solomon, who is a special case in terms of both power and wisdom. And rather than coveting those things from him, the demons of the cast treat him more like either a nuisance or a threat. Meanwhile, power is actually the reason Solomon makes the pacts -- because the pacts give him power, not the other way around.

Then consider that the average human is not Solomon, but more like MC was at the very beginning of OM -- no magic, no power, not known for any special wisdom or anything. They, and their souls, are not typically meaningfully powerful or wise to demons, who themselves are way more powerful and cleverer than anything they could get from a human. So, as with the screenshot from Lucifer earlier, it would seem it really just comes to being like a shiny gem, something demons want to collect -- either to simply own their soul for eternity or to consume it as a delicacy.

There is a way that demons can get a taste of power from humans in a pact, though, and that is when the human draws it out of them while under a pact. This is what MC did with Asmodeus when Solomon lent them his power back in OG Lesson 8, which was so fascinating to Asmo that he actually freely decided to make the pact with MC, just so he'd have more opportunities in the future to experience that power again.

Rather than being power that the demon receives as part of a human's soul, that seems to be a two-way street, since Solomon also references having Barbatos lend him his power in NB Lesson 1 in order to go back in time to where MC was sent. But in terms of power from humans? It's while they have the pact with the human alive that it matters.

tl;dr -- Demons want to collect human souls because they're shiny and tasty. Humans want pacts for power.

#apologies if the images are not side-by-side like they should be #the formatting isn't correct on the desktop dash it seems :(#but wow multiple posts in one week? who are we #obey me #obey me!#obey me swd #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me nightbringer #obey me nb #omnb #obey me nightbringer spoilers #obey me solomon #obey me lucifer #obey me analysis #ask and ye shall be answered #ask and ye shall receive (essays)#demons being demons

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obey-me-disaster · 10 months

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What do you think would happen if MC respawns at a different location after the lesson 16 death? Like purgatory hall then MC somehow convinces Simeon, Luke, Solomon, Diavolo and Barbatos to hide their resurrection from the brothers. MC stays at purgatory hall and takes online classes for the rest of the exchange program.

The whole time the brothers think MC is permanently dead but what if MC slips up and accidentally likes a selfie by Asmo on devilgram would that raise any suspicion? How would the brothers react to MC being alive the whole time?

Please, MC liking selfies while pretending to be dead is so fucking funny like: 'I need to keep a low profile...anyway let me appreciate one of Asmo's photos on devilgram, where all the demon bros could see'

Warning: mentions of death

Demon brothers x gn!MC headcanons

MC hides the fact that they are alive

They don't know exactly what happened after Belphegor got them. All they could remember was pain, a voice talking into their head and then complete darkness. When they woke up they were in the Purgatory Hall with Simeon, Solomon and Luke surrounding them.

While not being able to remember the last moments before blacking out, MC was smart enough to put two and two together and realize what happened. Belphegor killed them. After everything they have done for him, he took their life away without hesitating.

When Solomon and Simeon started to question them, MC decided to keep the truth away. They made up an excuse about needing to hide somewhere, and the two angels and the sorcerer were all to happy to let MC stay with them.

Their plan was to stay hidden until the exchange program would end, but of course old habits die hard, so without thinking too much they liked one of Asmo's posts. That's when all the demon brothers found out and all hell broke loose.

Lucifer

He would be furious at MC for hiding themself, tho he can't blame them, at the Purgatory trio, Diavolo and Barbatos for helping them keep the secret but most importantly, he would be upset with himself.

He would fly straight to the purgatory hall and demand some explanation. Why did they hide, why couldn't they talk with him. He keep thinking of the fact that if MC didn't slip and post that selfie, he would have never found out they were alive.

A part of himself greatly blames himself because if he would have put more effort in keeping them out of the attic, none of this would have happened, hell, if he was a good brother from the start everything would have been ok.

On the outside he seems angry but on the inside he is full of mixed emotions: happiness because they're alive, sadness because MC hid this from him, anger at the others for hiding this from him. He doesn't even want to think about the fact that if Asmo didn't see their like, that he would have never been reunited with them.

He will have a long talk with MC, whatever they want to or not.

Mammon

THIS MAN IS CRUSHED. He thought MC has died. He held their 'corpse' in his arms. He has been a shadow of who he was all of this time only to find out that MC has been chilling in the Purgatory Hall??

He might not visit them for a while. He is way too conflicted. He is in denial about the fact that they hid this secret away from him. He was their first man, you two weren't supposed to hold this kind of secrets from one another.

He would probably go on about: "I am not friends with any humans that would lie to me like that, I don't know anyone like that!" flashbacks to season 1 of the OG obey me

He has been blaming himself for not being able to protect them this whole time. He probably had nightmares about their death.

Once he sees them he will have to hold himself back from rushing to them and embracing them. He still wants to put up a front, but when the front finally cracks and hugs them, he will be all to relieved to feel them be alive once again in his arms.

Leviathan

His self hatred went through the roof. He would keep blaming himself for not doing anything. He didn't get to hold them in their dying moments, all he could do is watch. He felt like he truly lost the only person that could fully understand him.

When he found out they were alive he nearly rushed to the Purgatory Hall but stopped himself. If MC hid themself from him that means they don't want to see him right? They are disappointed in him for letting them die.

He spirals down so bad other brothers had to snap him out of it. He would probably send them messages or call them while crying. He didn't feel quite ready to face them yet.

He probably will watch anime/play games from a distance with them for a while. He wants to go see them so badly but fears they would be disappointed in him.

After a while he would probably hype himself with some 'The lord of shadows would never leave his Henry behind'.

Satan

He throws a little temper tantrum that destroys multiple rooms in the House of Lamentation. There are way too many emotions for him to deal with it at the same time to the point he feels like exploding.

He has felt useless ever since their 'death'. He could see the condition MC was in, he could see that they had no way to live, he could see all the injuries and knew how much they hurt but even with all of that, he could not think of a way to save them. All the learning and reading was for nothing in that moment.

He probably knew that MC had good reasons to remain 'dead' but it didn't mean he was not hurt. If it wasn't for them liking Asmo's post by accident they would have went back to the human world, never to be seen again.

Another one that waits a little bit, but that's because he wants to be as calm as possible, they had to deal with an angry demon, he is sure they don't want to deal with another.

Once he finally decides to see them, he takes them on a walk to talk things through. Only if they want to of course

During their walk he will insist of having a detailed talk about how both of them they were feeling, there was no more wrath he could feel at the moment

Asmodeus

The moment he saw MC liking his post he went wild. He probably started to text them like crazy. If they didn't respond he would call Solomon, Simeon, Barbatos, anyone he could think of.

He ran straight to his brothers to tell them about the fact that MC was alive and was probably one of the firsts that went to see them.

Once he found out they were alive it was like something awakened inside of him and he felt all the longing he held towards MC come back in full force.

After telling his brothers he is going to the Purgatory Hall to see MC and scream at Solomon for hiding something so big from him.

He 100% cries to MC about missing them and does not care his make up will be ruined.

Since his brothers need more time to calm down, he will take his sweet time catching up with MC and checking in on how they are doing if they will let him

Beelzebub

Another one with a lot of guilt. He couldn't protect Lilith from death, he couldn't protect Belphie from his hatred and he couldn't protect MC either.

He is hurt by the fact that they've decided to hide from everyone at the House of Lamentation but he can't hold it against them

One of the first to go see them. He wants to see with his own eyes that they are truly alive and well, or as well as they could be after dying

Would try to hug them but stops himself thinking it would be a bad idea. The last time a demon has offered MC a hug they got unalived. If MC does accept his hug, they will be carried around for a while since Beel would refuse to let them out of his grasp

He had been guilt-ridden since their 'death'. His eating habits have been all over the place. From not being able to eat to going on rampages due to painful emptiness in his stomach. Just seeing MC being alive made Beel's hunger go back to its normal self.

Belphegor

Because not only did the bros think MC was dead for good but because MC was not there to repair his relationship with his brothers, Belphegor is pretty much secluded from his brothers.

Barbatos probably still told him about the whole Lilith thing. He had to deal with the fact that not only was his hate misplaced for centuries but also with the fact that he killed someone he really got attached with, someone his brothers got attached with.

He had no one to blame but himself this time, had no one to help him manage all of these feelings, he pretty much is on his own. Sure, his brothers are still there but their relationship is strained as fuck.

When he finds out MC is actually alive he does see it as his chance to make it better but he doesn't go to see them. Not straight away at least. He is smart, he knows why they probably wanted to remain 'dead'. He is the reason for that.

He will give them time, he will let his brothers have their turn first, even if he doesn't like it, because he knows that's the least he could do for all of them. He only wishes he was not so blinded by anger and resentment, especially since it was so misplaced.

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punkeropercyjackson · 4 months

Text

I cannot fucking get over how the Pjo fandom depunkified(for lack of a better term)Percy.Keyword being 'how'-Because in canon,Percy is an actual punk.He grew up poor,getting bullied for being neurodivergent and with an abusive stepdad due to his birth dad abandoning him so that lead to him developing an attitude as a coping mechanism and hating rich people and other privilged groups because he knows from experience how awful they are most of the time but another thing it did to him was making him incredibly kind to minorities especially and a Team Parent to the ones younger than him(those being Nico and Hazel in his case).And i know for a fact that if Rick didn't hate Perachel almost as much as the fandom does,he would've written him as also going to protests and doing charity work with Rachel

But the fandom dosen't ONLY pretend that none of those are traits of his but also says he's punk for headcanons that are either not canon or straight up contradicted by it.He dosen't want to be a god and finds the thought actively distressing because he's scared of his powers and hates authority.The only reasons he treated Nico badly in Hoo and wasn't the Team Mom of the Seven instead of Hazel was that Rick retconned how much he loved him as a brother in the og series because he wanted to torment his first gay character and to adultify his first darkskin black fem mc.He's not a stereotypical guy,he thinks hypermasculinity is gross and weird(see his descriptions of and interactions with Ares)and has a deep respect for all the different women in the franchise,which includes gnc ones.He dosen't dress grunge,he barely got outfit descriptions in the books and when he did,they were just normal clothes.And he's not even a skater boy,him skating was mentioned exactly once in the entire saga and it was in Sea of Monsters,when he was 13 and that book came out over ten years ago,and Piper saying he looks like one dosen't count for jackshit because she also thought she was straight at the time and it showed in her ideas of gender as shown by the Jasiper vs Jeyna fiasco

How'd y'all take a canon punk protagonist and throw away the traits that make them punk to go 'No,actually,they're punk because of these things i THINK are what punk is because i've never read up on it's history and headcanon them to have!!!'.It's making me go fucking insane,my Percy stan ass who's been exactly like him since i was a kid should ask y'all for reperatitions over this(Also:When i say fake punk traits,i'm including being a Harry Potter/Marauder's Era fan and a Switfie,that's like the basics of Poser Punk)

@desi-pluto @jelmet @jellyjays @leo-thecactus @moonage-gaydream @insomniac-jay @julieemarine @floof-ghostie @honeypotsworld @cottoncandyteeth @biandbored @mik3stuff

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j2lx · 1 year

Text

Holding Hands With Them (headcanons)

Warnings: gojo is a tease (to no one's surprise smh), mentions of nightmares in Maki's, messy kissing in Toji's =P, pet names (darling, pretty baby), none really this one's just wholesome fluff

A/n: I went very overboard writing this one so it's pretty long… yeah. Anyways, here are some fluffy headcanons to hopefully make you feel happier! <3 Enjoy reading!

Characters: Itadori Yuuji, Fushiguro Megumi, Kugisaki Nobara, Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento, Ryomen Sukuna (Sukuna has his own body in this but isn't in his OG form and he's a jujutsu sorcerer), Zenin Maki, Okkotsu Yuuta, Inumaki Toge, Suguru Geto (basically high school Geto, before he became all you know), Toji Fushiguro, Naoya Zenin (he isn't misogynistic (for Fem!readers) cuz he loves you a lot!) x Gender Neutral!reader

Itadori Yuuji

He's so pure and cute omg ahhh he loves holding your hand anywhere, anytime. He doesn't feel that he needs a reason to do it at all, since you're precious to him and naturally, he'll want to hold onto something he wants to protect.

He's the kind of boyfriend who would hold your hand in public, private, even on missions. It gives him comfort that you're there, right next to him, and it's easier for him to make sure you're safe (especially on missions when he can pull you to the side in case of danger)

One of his favourite things to do when the two of you are holding hands is to swing the hand that's holding yours up and down. Yes it's a little childish and the last time you did it was probably it in kindergarten or something, but trust me with Yuuji it's going to be a norm 🥺

Because of how much he holds your hand, he can tell the smallest differences on your hand. You got a shallow cut on your finger? He can feel it when he starts to intertwine his hand with yours. Your hands are a little dry from the weather? He'll rub the area a little before finding cream to help relieve the pain really soon. Holding hands with you helps him look out for you, and it might not seem like much but he really does care a lot about your physical wellbeing, even if he's only checking your hands!

He likes fidgeting a lot with your fingers and it often leads to unintentional finger fights. It's random but also really cute at the same time because he gets really competitive about it and tries to win but if he doesn't, he gives you your prize, which is a kiss on your "winning" finger from him.

His hands are always so nice and warm, so he offers to be your personal hand warmer in the winter when the two of you are in either one of your dorm rooms. He'll hold both of your hands between his and it seriously does help warm your hands up instantly. He doesn't mind how cold his hands might feel after that, he loves being able to hold your hands no matter the situation <3

Overall, holding hands with Yuuji is a sweet and affectionate thing that you both indulge in everyday. It gives both of you so much comfort and never fails to put a smile on both your faces!

Fushiguro Megumi

He doesn't show affection in public much because well it's not really his thing. But holding hands? Yeah that's an exception. He'll never let go of your hand, even more so in public places where it could be crowded and busy.

He doesn't mind being teased by some people (cough cough Gojo) about holding your hand because it's just another way for him to show his affection and love for you. He knows he's not that good with words sometimes so he uses these opportunities to show how much you mean to him!

He squeezes your hand a lot and it's almost like there are different "codes" for when he squeezes your hand. If he squeezes your hand gently, it's probably him asking if you're alright. If he squeezes it a little harder than usual, it's probably because he feels uncomfortable in the situation you both are in. It's a silent yet efficient way of communicating and it's like a secret code between the both of you

He likes running his thumb up and down your hand but he does it in the most ticklish way possible? Like he does it so gently that it becomes ticklish and you start giggling sometimes, which confuses him because he was just trying to be gentle with you 🥺

His hands are cold. Just really cold most of the time. And he knows it and will use it to his advantage should he deem it necessary (when you're being mischievous =P). Otherwise, he always makes sure to warm his hands up before holding your hand so you won't get cold! And the best part about that is that after that, the warmth from your hands would warm his hands up, so he doesn't have to worry about his "cold hands" problem anymore.

He has really nice hands. Like they're a nice size, smooth and just overall really pretty and beautiful (just like him =)). And you love holding his hands up to your eye level and admiring them, which always causes him to show a small smile! Of course he'll return the favour and bring your hand up to his lips and press a kiss on it as a way of telling you how much he loves your hands too <3

Overall, he's really sweet and gentle when holding your hand! He's not that good with expressing his feelings and he knows it, so holding hands often is one way he feels he can express just how much he loves you!

Kugisaki Nobara

Holding hands comes easy to the two of you. It's been a part of your relationship since the start and the two of you absolutely adore doing it! It gives the both of you comfort that you're both there for each other.

She loves holding your hand anywhere, anytime. It's one of those things she considers "basic" in a relationship, and it just comes naturally for her to be holding your hand whenever she can. Whether it be going out with her, in the car before missions, and at night when the two of you are watching movies together, the two of you will always be holding hands.

When shopping with her, your hand will definitely be intertwined with hers. And she really likes it since it's really easy for her to just tug on your hand a little or straight up pull you to what she's looking at when shopping! She has the tendency to squeeze your hand when she gets excited while the two of you shop too. It's easy to tell what excites her the most (which is basically what she wants the most) by how hard she squeezes your hand!

If you are keen, she would love to have manicures with you to match the colours on both of your nails! She makes sure to choose colours according to both of your tastes, and makes sure that they don't clash too much. She wants to make sure that when the two of you hold hands, the colour of your nails complement each other nicely!

Most of the time (when not shopping), she holds your hand really gently! The two of you hold hands in a way that it's loose and comfortable for the both of you, but not too loose that your hands will separate! And your palms don't always have to be touching each other, just intertwining fingers with you is enough to make her happy <3

Her hands are really well taken care of, and she puts in quite a bit of effort to make sure that her hands are smooth and nice. Please kiss her hands after holding them and tell her how much you love her beautiful hands, she literally gets so flustered and shy 🥺

Overall, she really loves holding hands with you and it's a norm in your relationship for sure! It gives her a sense of comfort and safety, your interlocking fingers reassuring her that you are just next to her.

Satoru Gojo

He absolutely loves holding your hand! Like no matter what he does he feels the need to have your hand in his, as a form of affection and reassurance to him that you're still by his side.

Will hold your hand no matter what. Showering together? He'll hold your hand when the two of you are chilling in the bathtub. On a mission together? He holds your hand to keep you close to him and to pull you out of danger if needed. Folding laundry with him? You'll have to settle it with one of your hands and one of his hands only.

He'll turn on his infinity just as you reach out to hold his hand, and tell you to "profess your undying love" for him before he'll let your hand reach his. If you choose to do as he says, he'll definitely smile at you and then press a kiss on your hand before placing it in his own. If you choose to ignore, he'll pout and whine, but will still reach out to hold your hand because he wants to hold your hand too much. So either way, he'll end up holding your hand <3 (if he's been annoying don't be afraid to do the latter, he knows how annoying he can be so he'll accept his fate)

He always caresses the back of your hand with his fingers! It's like his way of telling you that he loves you, that he's thankful to have you by his side and that he's happy that he gets to hold your hand. And if you do the same to his hand, you'll see a large and loving smile on his face, one that you see whenever you show how much you love him 🥺

Will kiss each one of your knuckles when holding hands with you! He does it at the most random times, and for no reason most of the time. He just wants you to know that he loves you (and your hands) a lot and expresses it that way! He likes seeing your cheeks flush red from the sudden affectionate gesture.

He loves making his hands cold on purpose before holding your hand. If he ever holds your hand without teasing you about it (basically by not turning on his infinity), he's either touch starved after being away from you for a long time (which to him is more than 8 hours), or he has something up his sleeve. He'll take an ice cube and let it melt on his hands, dry his hands and then immediately go to hold your hands. He loves watching the way you jump up from the sudden coldness of his hands and he always laughs at your reaction.

Overall, he doesn't stop being a tease before holding your hand, but he makes sure to make sure you know how loved you are when your hands are actually in his and your fingers are intertwined.

Nanami Kento

This man is so… perfect. He holds your hand not just as a sign of affection and love, but to protect you and make sure that you're ok every now and then. He always treats you with so much care and when holding hands with him, you can be assured that he treats you like the most precious thing in existence.

He isn't much into PDA, but his immediate priority and need is to protect you and make sure that you're next to him. So he always makes sure to hold your hand in crowded places and during the missions the two of you go on together (before engaging in combat because he prefers giving you freedom to use your technique properly, without him potentially being in the way).

He's the kind of boyfriend who'll kiss your hand before and after holding it. He'll ask you for permission to hold your hand and when you give him consent to, he'll raise it to his lips and press a soft kiss on it as a way of saying "thank you". And before he lets go of your hand, he does the same thing and always mutters a quiet "thank you for letting me hold your hand, darling" <3

His favourite thing to do is to hold your hand when the two of you are at home, cuddling or just resting on the couch together! His hand will always be intertwined with yours, no matter what. If he's reading a book, he'll be using one hand to hold it and to flip the pages while the other is holding your hand. And if the two of you are watching a show together, he places both of your hands in his!

His hands are super smooth and beautiful. Like his fingernails are a nice length, and his fingers are just so long, slender and pretty. He has super nice hands, and you always hold one of his hands in both of yours and just admire it quietly when the two of you are cuddling on the couch together. He'll always notice and bring your hands to his lips as a way of telling you that he thinks your hands are equally beautiful 🥺

Whenever it gets cold, Kento will definitely be holding onto at least one of your hands. It's a way for him to tell if you're feeling too cold, and also a way for him to warm you up. He has really nice and warm hands, so he uses that to his advantage to help your hands feel less cold. If your hands get really cold though, he'll ask you to put on some gloves. Don't worry, he still holds onto your gloved hand afterwards!

Overall, holding hands with him is a super sweet aspect of your relationship! He takes it as a chance to express his affection while looking out for you and making sure that you're alright!

Ryomen Sukuna

He loves holding your hand and feels the need to do so every given moment. He likes that it gives him some control over you (in case anything happens to you), and at the same time is an affectionate and sweet gesture.

He holds your hand mostly in public, since he prefers other intimacies when the two of you are alone, like cuddling. He'll hold your hand especially tight in crowded places and when going around the mission site to find the curses you have to defeat. He still treats you like glass though, and he never holds your hand to the point that it hurts!

Yes, Sukuna gets possessive and jealous easily, especially if you're talking to people who you don't know for no apparent reason. Whenever he sees someone approach you, be it to get directions or to flirt with you, he grips onto your hand tightly and glares at them until they get intimidated and walk away. He'll loosen his grip on your hand afterwards and kiss your hand as an apology for being possessive and a little rough with you.

He finds it fun how the two of you manage to hold hands while doing all sorts of things. When making dinner for the both of you, you tend to sneak up behind your boyfriend and hold his hand. He doesn't mind though, because most of the time, you only hold his hand when he doesn't need to use both of his hands. He'll use one of his hands to stir and mix the food while the other is intertwined with one of your hands. He's super used since it's been like a tradition ever since the two of you started being in a relationship together <3

Likes to prank you by putting cling wrap on his hand before holding your hand. It happens a lot especially after he washes up and is waiting for the food to finish cooking! He'll just put a thin layer of cling wrap on his hand and since he knows that you never look down at his hands when he moves to hold your hand, he knows that his plan will work. It always makes him laugh when he sees your surprised and annoyed expression, but you don't stop him from pulling this prank almost every other day, since you want to see him laugh 🥺

He loves bringing your hands to his eye level and admiring your hands for at least a few minutes each time. He really loves you so much, and he can't help but want to admire every part of your body over and over again. He'll always press kisses all over each of your hands after he's done looking at them, and calls you his "pretty baby".

Overall, Sukuna truly makes sure that you feel loved when holding your hand. Yes, he might get possessive and yes, he might prank you from time to time, but he really just wants you to be safe and happy!

Zenin Maki

She absolutely adores holding hands with you! She might not be super comfortable with all forms of affection since she's still getting used to it, but holding hands is something she absolutely loves!

She doesn't initiate hand holding most of the time though, despite the fact that she enjoys it a lot. It just doesn't come as naturally to her, so most of the time she doesn't process that she can just reach for your hand and hold it. You'll have to initiate it most of the time; she'll always be happy to hold onto your hand as long as you offer it to her.

She mostly initiates hand holding when she senses that you're feeling upset or sad. She knows what it's like to have no one to turn to and not having any hand to hold on to when feeling all those negative emotions, and she doesn't want you to go through that. The moment she sees a frown on your face, or tears well up in your eyes, your hand will be in hers. She'll stroke your hand with her thumb to try to calm you down too.

She doesn't hold your hand before going to sleep, but your hands are always near each other's. And somehow, her hand always gravitates towards yours in the middle of the night and the two of you wake up to find your hands intertwined. It happens mostly when Maki gets nightmares. She senses the warmth of your hand and her hand will just move to hold yours as a source of comfort and reassurance that you're still next to her 🥺

Hand holding before bed is a must though! The two of you make sure to cuddle and relax in bed before going to sleep, and your hands are always intertwined no matter what you both are doing. Be it watching a movie together, or scrolling through your phones, you both will be holding hands!

She especially enjoys holding hands with you before, during and after training! Your hands are intertwined until the two of you reach the training venue, and then you both press a kiss on each other's hand as a form of encouragement! In between training, when the two of you get a break, her hand will be in yours as you both hydrate. And after training, no matter how sweaty both of your hands are, you and Maki will walk back to the dorms hand in hand, ready to relax and chill together <3

Overall, holding hands with Maki is something that happens everyday, and you both like it a lot, even if she won't admit it out loud. The two of you are often seen holding hands, and you both bask in each of those moments, enjoying the feeling of your hands being pressed against each other and your both of your fingers interlocking.

Okkotsu Yuuta

Yuuta is a super sweet boyfriend! He'll take any opportunity to be affectionate with you and he definitely loves physical touch! He's going to be holding onto your hand as much as possible, as long as you're comfortable with it.

Pinky holding that turns into hand holding! He always starts by linking and interlocking both of your pinkies together. Slowly but surely, he'll start to slip his hand into yours and intertwine them, his thumb stroking your hand gently. It's more of a habit from the start of your relationship when he didn't know if you wanted to hold hands or not, but he's continued it and he still does it.

He might be a special grade sorcerer with loads of experience, but he still gets nervous before missions, especially if he's on a mission with you. On the way to the mission site, he'll hold onto your hand and squeeze it every now and then, just as a way to reassure and comfort himself, and you as well. Your touch is more than enough to make him feel safe and sound <3

Expect lots and lots of hand holding during movies! No matter what kind of movie it is, Yuuta's hand would always be intertwined with yours, squeezing it from time to time. When you're watching a really scary horror movie, he'll hold on to your hand like his life depends on it, and watching a romance movie, his thumb would be stroking your hand gently. Just expect hand holding as long as you both are watching a movie!

He's the kind of boyfriend who likes to hold your hand up to your lips and say things like "your hands are so beautiful, just like you", or "how are your hands so perfect, my darling?" while kissing your hand in between each of his words. He really just wants you to realise how beautiful he thinks you and your hands are 🥺

He loves holding your hand in public and he's so cute about it. If he sees something that interests or excites him, he'll tug your hand gently and bring you to look at it. Most of the time, it's related to you and he just gets really eager to show you!

Overall, he's such a sweet boyfriend when it comes to holding your hand! Yuuta loves holding your hand as much as possible, since holding your hand gives him lots of comfort and makes him really happy to have someone like you love him!

Inumaki Toge

Toge loves holding hands so much! He can't exactly express his feelings for you through his words because of his cursed speech, so physical affection has become his default way of making you feel loved.

He holds your hand whenever it's free, and he always holds it close to him as a way of asking for permission to hold it! The two of you hold hands when taking a break during training, on dates, and practically any time you don't need both your hands to function.

He loves twirling you around when the two of you are holding hands! Yes, it's random and the both of you don't really dance together, but he just enjoys doing it! Sometimes, he just stops in the middle of nowhere randomly and kisses your forehead before twirling you around like you're a ballerina, with his hand still intertwined with yours. He seldom does it in front of people though, it's mostly when the two of you are alone <3

When he holds your hand, he has the habit of tracing small drawings on the back of your hand with his fingers. He especially loves tracing onigiri! It's become a game between the two of you too, and the two of you take turns tracing patterns on the back of each other's hands while the other person has to guess what was drawn!

He really likes holding hands with you when you wear one of his oversized hoodies! The sleeves are too long and reach down to around your knuckles, and Toge loves holding hands with that small portion of his hoodie… just there. It makes him feel really lucky to have you by his side, wearing his hoodie and holding his hand! He loves that his fingers can reach the inside of the sleeve when he holds your hands, it just gives him a sense of comfort that he can't exactly explain.

He holds your hand to sleep every single night! It reassures him that you're right by his side as he sleeps, and the warmth of your hand in his helps lull him to sleep too! No matter how close your bodies are, your hands will find their way to each other (and will rest in a comfortable position) and will stay intertwined throughout the night 🥺

Overall, holding hands is one of his favourite things to do with you! It's sweet and provides the both of you with each other's warmth and comfort! Toge definitely sees holding hands as one of the most important things in your relationship, and he truly enjoys it a lot!

Suguru Geto

Suguru is someone who loves holding hands, but won't openly express it. He doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable by his overwhelming need to have your hand in his all the time, but you've told him time and time again that it's fine to hold your hand whenever he wants.

As a result, your hand is almost always intertwined with your boyfriend's. The both of you just really enjoy the feeling of your skin being in contact with each other and the warmth radiating from each other's hands. And even if it's cold and the two of you wear gloves, the two of you will still be seen walking hand in hand despite not being able to feel each other's skin and warmth. It's just the feeling of having each other close that makes the two of you happy, really 🥺

He's always so polite and asks for permission to hold your hand every time. It was more of a matter of consent at the start of your relationship, but now he uses it to tease you, since he knows that you're more than fine with him holding your hand anytime he wants. He'll still place your hand on top of his and ask, "May I hold your hand?" in the most teasing way possible every time he wants to hold your hand.

Whenever the two of you go shopping together, he'll hold onto your shopping bags for you. He honestly just wants to make sure that your hands are free for him to hold onto no matter what. And once you find out, you offer to hold some of the shopping bags in the hand your boyfriend isn't holding onto just to lessen the load on your boyfriend!

When it rains, he likes to hold onto your hand and either stick both of your hands out from under the umbrella or run around in the rain with you. Of course, he knows that the latter could cause you to fall sick, which is why he hardly does it. But sticking out your intertwined hands out into the rain? Absolutely yes. It's calming for him to feel the raindrops fall onto his hand, and with your hand in his, it makes the whole experience even more fun and relaxing.

Likes holding your hand and placing it right in between both of you at night, before you both go to sleep. He'll bring your hand closer to his and place kisses from your fingertips to your knuckles on each and every single one of your fingers, before placing 3 kisses on the back of your hand. He never fails to do this every single night, and he loves seeing your eyes light up everytime he does it <3

Overall, hand holding is something Suguru loves and craves really often. But no matter how many times the both of you hold hands, you both make sure that you can feel each other's love behind the seemingly simple, yet meaningful, action.

Toji Fushiguro

He loves holding your hand! It gives him the sense that he has someone to hold onto and rely on. He's been through way too much, and the fact that he's able to hold your hand makes him feel that maybe, all the pain he went through in the past was worth going through if he had you to hold onto now.

He holds your hand all the time and doesn't let go unless you do. He takes hand holding seriously, and to him, it's a way to protect you and pull you away from any danger. After he realises that danger isn't always around the corner, he starts to feel the enjoyment and intimacy of holding hands with you.

He didn't always start out by holding your hand though. At the start of your relationship, he used to grab you by the wrist instead of intertwining his hand with yours. It was partially because he wasn't used to hand holding and felt that it was awkward to initiate, and also partially because he felt that he didn't deserve to hold your hand at the start of your relationship. He wanted you to be sure that you wanted to be with him before holding hands with him. Of course, you had to reassure him that you truly did love him and wanted him to hold hands with you multiple times before he got used to it.

His hands are large and really nice to hold! They're calloused and rough, and there are many small scars littered all over his hands from everything he went through. If you ever bring his hands close to your lips and press soft kisses all over his scars, he'll melt on the inside for sure! He won't show it, or admit it out loud, but he feels that it's a very sweet gesture and he definitely feels really loved whenever you do it. It reminds him that you love all of him, scars and bruises included 🥺

He loves it when you're sitting on the couch or on the bed with him and he just holds onto your hand really tight before bringing it to his lips. He'll place wet and messy kisses all over your hand while you squeeze his hand to encourage him to keep going. He'll switch over to your other hand not long after and give it an equal amount of love and kisses <3

Secretly enjoys it when you're holding his hand, but your fingers aren't interlocked and are gripping the side of his hand instead. And when you drag him around to look at different things while holding his hand like that, he feels like he's in a dream. He's only ever seen such a thing happen in romance movies, but to be able to experience it with you… he truly feels like the luckiest person on earth.

Overall, he loves holding hands with you so, so much! Your hand in his makes him feel safe and protected, and he hopes that he can make you feel the same way whenever he holds your hand!

Naoya Zenin

He's not good at being affectionate, he knows that. But he's trying his very best! One thing he makes sure of is that in your relationship, both of you are comfortable with holding hands with each other.

He tries his best to pick up on your body language and decides if he should hold your hand or not from that. If he senses that you're scared or upset, he'll try to reach for your hand and let you hold his hand if you want. Otherwise, you'll have to initiate most of the time because he genuinely doesn't know if he'll piss you off by holding your hand without asking you.

He always touches your hands with his fingers before holding your hand. It's his way of asking for permission to hold hands with you, and the last thing he'll want is for you to push him away because he didn't realise that you didn't want to hold hands. He'll use his index finger and try to link it with your own, and slowly but surely, it leads to full out hand holding.

He's quite insecure and scared to initiate hand holding with you because "what if it's not convenient for them?". Naoya gets that thought really often and sometimes, he doesn't try to initiate any hand holding in fear that he's annoying you. So then it's up to you to initiate it! When he gets extra fidgety and starts playing with the hem of his shirt or fidgeting his hands in his pants pockets, that probably means that he wants to hold your hand, but is too scared to initiate it. Please please hold his hands if that happens, he'll smile and mutter a quiet "I love you" <3

Likes it when you squeeze his hand from time to time. It doesn't have to be for any particular reason at all, it just gives him the reassurance that you're still next to him. He's been through a lot in the past and lots of people have left his side because of how he used to be, but with your hand in his and your gentle squeezes, he doesn't feel lonely and alone 🥺

He especially loves holding hands with you in the rain. He'll use his other hand to hold the umbrella and shelter the both of you, while the hand closer to you is intertwined with yours, his hold on you gentle and comforting. He loves the whole atmosphere of walking together in the rain while you're holding hands so much, it's very magical to him!

Overall, he's still trying his best to initiate hand holding, and he's getting better at it slowly but surely. In the meantime, you'll have to take the initiative and fulfil his desire to have your hand in his.

My headcanons are seriously getting longer and longer without me even realising as I write them lol. But it's too fun writing them ehehe =)) Hope you enjoyed reading!

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mysticficti0n · 11 months

Text

can't help but miss you

Tom Kaulitz x Y/n Y/l/n

anonymous- I have a request, obvi you don’t have to do! Maybe like a 2023 smut with Tom Kaulitz( him and Heidi are dating not engaged) Reader and Tom had a thing/dating when he was younger/ aka when he had the dreads and they reunite at a party and the reader is like so pretty like model type and she’s like maybe a little younger than Tom and when they meet each others eyes Tom can’t seem to stop looking at her and like Heidi asks him what’s wrong but he just shrugs it off and later on when Heidi went to go get a drink or something the reader walks up to him and they end up going to the restroom and the smut happens… and then Heidi runs into him after but reader alr left and shit. ALSO I LOVE YOUR STORIES OFC YOU DONT HAVE TO ANSWER THIS REQUEST

No I absolutely love this- the worst thing fucking happened I deleted the wrong concept (baso I had two of these like a story set out and a write up and I deleted the write up x_x) but I re-wrote it and hopefully its better than the OG one ❤️

(smut/fluff)

people under 16+ please don't interact, if you do it's not my problem you've been warned!

　　∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　

warnings- cheating, toxic relationship, fingering, sex, ownership, hair pulling, swearing, rough/smut into fluff, drugs are mentioned

words- 4k

(oh this is your outfit btw just without the gloves- black n white dress)

The music was blaring as I walked into my old friend Gustav's 35th birthday party, I wasn't expecting a blow out like this but I mean when I herd Bill was in charge it didn't fully surprise me, I looked around and everyone was dressed in black and white as we were told on the invitations. I turned to Beth my sister who'd been invited too and she was already laughing and smiling with some women, I carried on through the venue telling her I'd catch up with her later on

I saw some people I recognised but I'm nearly 15 years older now, freshly 31 years old, I turned around a corner and saw the smiling faces of three of my old best friends "Holy shit! Y/n oh my god!" Bill ran over pulling me into a hug- his hugs I've missed for years "you look amazing!" he let go and I gave him a spin

"you two! look at this outfit- Bill you never dress badly I swear to god" he giggled grabbing my hand and pulling me to the group

"look who it is" Georg smiled pulling me into a hug and I held him back "its been so long!"

"I know, ten years... shit thirteen I think since we last saw each other" I shook my head in disbelief at how the time has flown by, when we all last knew each other Tokio Hotel was going on their biggest tour and I was just getting big in the modelling world- now I'm one of the top models and they still do crazy big tours around the world "Gustav! happy birthday!" I called seeing him come to me and hugging me like the other two

"hey- I didn't even know you were coming! thank you by the way" he smiled- he looked different- they all did but none bad "how's life?"

"pretty good, Beth moved in with me not long ago, mom and dad are doing well and jobs just keeping me busy, how about you I herd you had a baby! what the fuck" a smile creeped onto his face as he pulled out his phone showing me all the pictures of the small girl and how she's already so grown up "god she's beautiful"

"just like her mom" he chirped pulling a women forward "Linda this is Y/n, childhood friend" a brown haired women stepped forward giving me a smile- she was beautiful. Our conversation continued till I felt a tap at my shoulder and I I saw him for the first time since we'd split back in 2010, his hair wasn't in long black braids, clothes not baggy and lip piercing still there no- his hair was brown and blonde waved and around his head, in black slacks and matching button, lip pricing gone "holy shit! hey!" Tom's arms closed around me giving me a huge hug, tighter than the rest

"Hi, fuck it's been so long!" he hummed into my hair pulling away but his hands still holding my arms "you look amazing!" I smiled hearing his voice again

"you too! the hair is new" he nodded playing with the ends like a kid "my god I can't believe I haven't seen you guys since I was like 19, its crazy" everyone said a string of 'yeah' and 'fuck its been long' but were interrupted by a voice that called Tom away, I looked to see a tall blonde women who I immediately recognised, Heidi Klum

"oh Y/n this is my girlfriend- Heidi this is-" the women stepped forward and grinned

"Y/n Y/l/n right? I saw you in vogue, you looked gorge in that red lace" I nodded feeling flattered a model like her had seen me but then it clicked GIRLFRIEND?- I would never have expected it

"lovely to meet you- I've seen some of your shoots and you're beautiful, especially " she blushed grabbing my hand. we kept talking till my sister came over and pulled me to go get drinks and I waved to the group

TOM'S POV-

My jaw could've fallen off when I saw her, she was even more pretty then before and I didn't even know that was possible, her hair looked perfect around her face, longer than before, make up made her look sexier than I could even imagine, her eyes were lighter than the smokey eyes she'd do daily, and the dress- god how it went around her thighs and fit her curves perfectly

I couldn't help but feel my heart skip when I looked over at her, I had to stop, I have Heidi but... but I couldn't.

the night went on but I couldn't stop thinking about Y/n- every memory of her, remembering those feelings that were flooding back from 13 years ago- the time I made the worst mistake

-flashback-

"are you fucking serious? what are you talking about?" Y/n spoke staring at her boyfriend who was leaning on the kitchen counter staring at the girl, eyes had dark circles around them, lips looked dry

"we should break up-" Toms voice was strong but he was falling apart inside, hearing those words come from his mouth felt like stabs to his heart

"Tom what the fuck!" the girls voice got louder and she slammed her bags into the floor, Y/n had just got off work and was more then excited to get home- it was Friday meaning date night but came home to see loads beer bottles thrown in the bin on the drive and cigaret boxes hiding between them "what happened within the 6 hours I was gone. you.. you were saying how much you loved me this morning and kissing me and now- now you want to break up?" her voice cracked even mentioning breaking up, she loved him more than life its self and had for the last 3 years they'd been dating, he helped her buy her first house, spent Christmas and birthdays together- why did he want to end it? is all she could think of

"well I was wrong and- I didn't mean any of that shit, I don't fucking love you... I haven't for years" his voice slurred. Y/n thought she'd faint, years?

"you're drunk- ah don't even deny it I saw the bottles Tom" he rolled his eyes walking to the door where she was stood and went to open it "what are you doing?" her voice quivered "Tom what are you doing... Tom please what are you doing!" she started to yell as he just stood over her looking to the door "TOM PLEASE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" she broke down grabbing his shirt and trying to pull him to look down "TOM! TOM LOOK AT ME! FUCK SAKE JUST LOOK AT ME TOM!" she screamed and the boy looked down seeing her, mascara running down her face, eyes full of tears and screams leaving her mouth but his mind was a blur with the mix of alcohol, tobacco, weed and the pure sadness he felt, he felt he was slipping from reality

"Y/n let go-" he spoke calmly "you need to let go of me" his voice began to shake as he tried to pry the girl off him

"NO! NO WHAT HAPPENED! WHAT DID I DO TOM PLEASE FUCKING TELL ME, DON'T JUST LEAVE!" Y/n poked her finger into his chest and again he just walked back into the kitchen and to the fridge pulling another beer out "stop drinking- just tell me!" she stormed to the kitchen and snatched the bottle from his hand

"you did nothing Y/n-" the girl argued back but he soon cut her off "Y/N I FUCKING CHEATED OKAY- I CHEATED ON YOU" he caught himself of guard screaming at her pointing his finger in her face and slamming his first onto the table, she cowered down but soon her eyes narrowed

"YOU FUCKING CHEATED!" with the bottle in hand the girl threw it toward the boy missing his face by inches she watched it smash onto the wall and explode "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CHEAT ON ME? WAS I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU? DID I NOT GIVE YOU ENOUGH?"

"YOU WERE ENOUGH GOD DAMN IT YOU'RE EVERYTHING TO ME Y/N- I FUCKING LOVE YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT OKAY!" the boy shouted back but Y/n wasn't having it she started finding anything she could and throwing it at him, oranges, keys, glasses, soap bottles you name it, she threw it

"YOU PEICE OF SHIT DON'T TELL ME YOU LOVE ME! YOU WOULDN'T CHEAT IF YOU LOVED ME AND YOU JUST FUCKING SAID YOU HAVEN'T LOVED ME IN YEARS" her heart began to shatter at the sight of him to the point she had to hold on to the counter- the same counter they'd make dinner together on and celebrate birthdays drink together, he'd sometimes lift her onto it and they kiss for hours on end, Tom walked over to the girl grabbing her hand she wanted to let go but she couldn't not with the way her head was, the world was spinning and she felt she'd fall any second

"I'm sorry- Y/n I'm sorry I don't know why I did it please I- I can't even look at myself without feeling like I've destroyed the one thing I love so much- I still love you Y/n, I never for a second of any year stopped, I don't know why I said what I said, I never stopped loving you but I can't be with you- not after what I've done" tears fell from the couples eyes as they stood there

"you have fucked me over Tom- I fucking loved you, I'd do anything for you and I get this? you said you'd marry me, we'd have a family, grow old, watch life become better together ; why did you ruin this?" her hands pounded on his chest with every word "you have ruined me- everything was going so well and I want you to know what ever happens next- is your fault" her words stung like hell, he could only stare and regret everything he ever did with that women.. why did he let his old ways get in the way "fuck you Tom- get the fuck out of my house- I never wanna see you ever fucking again, come get your shit tomorrow when I'm not here and I don't want to hear from you again" and with that the two never spoke again, never saw each other again and the feelings just faded with the years

-end of flashback-

now I'm standing here watching her dance around to her old favourite songs and sing like she always did around the house- god I missed her so much. I still felt a pain when I saw her, when we broke up I saw her in magazines, tv, posters, everywhere and would need to smoke straight after and drink something strong to try pull my mind from her- Y/n Y/ln

"hun whats wrong are you okay?" Heidi tapped me, pulling me from my thoughts

"huh- oh yeah I'm good just looking for Georg" I lied seeing her nod and she quickly said she was going to the bar with some friends and walked away, my eyes drifted back to Y/n, laughing with people we knew back in the days but soon I realised she wasn't looking at them- she was looking at-at me. she waved of the group and came to me with the same grin I remember being in love with

"hey! are you alright you seem a bit- gone" I rolled my eyes seeing the girl laugh "or was my dancing just that amazing?"

"oh of course" I chuckled seeing her start dancing again "wow you could be a professional" she stopped taking a sip of her drink and placing the empty cup on the side "I can't believe its been thirteen years" I sighed seeing her nod

"yeah- last time I saw you was erm.. when we broke up" a awkward laugh escaped her lips "fun times"

"yeah- I wanna apologise for it- I... the way I did it was stupid I was drinking and smoking because I thought it would make it easier but fuck it only made things so much worse and- and I'm sorry Y/n" the girl looked to me, her doe eyes softening and a smile spreading back along her red lips

"thank you...you know for the next two years after we broke up I sometimes wondered if you'd come home or just come see me you know- In a way I'm glad you didn't but god I missed you" I felt my heart swell- I did Dave past her house arguing with myself just to go knock the door, or call her and say I needed her... but I could never bring myself to do it

"I wanted to but I didn't want a orange pelted at me" I played she giggled again hitting my arm "see you can't stop hitting me!"

"shut up Thomas" hearing my nickname nearly knocked me out "god I haven't said that in a while"

"...I fucking missed you" I caught myself of guard, her y/c/e shot into my gaze and I felt my breath hitch, but I wasn't some dumb teen anymore I wanted to tell her everything"I- I miss everything about us- the dates, your voice, the long nights we'd be up talking, making dinner, singing songs, dance at parties, hold each other, spend holidays together- fuck I miss our..." I halted deciding if it was right to say, Y/n gave me a small nod and with a single breath it came out "I miss our sex- nobody is as good or understands me the way you did and it sounds crazy but fuck its true- I miss you Y/n- I regret everything" her eyes seemed glassy but everything I said was true

"I- I miss it all too, no one is like you- nobody treats me like you did, I- I miss you fucking every day I try to ignore it but 15 years I still think about you, I'm happy we moved on but I want you back... as stupid as that sounds" it was like the world only had us in it- my mind could only focus on her I wanted to kiss her- god kissing Y/N was like a dream come true for me. Every time we locked lips, my heart would flutter and my stomach would get butterflies. I loved the way her soft lips felt against mine and the way she'd close her eyes and melt into me, like nothing else mattered in the world. I could spend hours just kissing her and never get tired of it. It felt like a beautiful escape from the real world, where all that mattered was us and the moment we shared. Even when we had to part ways, the memory of our kisses would linger in my mind and make me smile.

in a fast move I caught her lips in mine, hands wrapping around her waist it was like I was 16 all over again, Y/n wrapped up in my arms and kissing her any chance I got, for a moment she was hesitant but I felt her mold to me, her hand tangled in my hair- I'd never felt her grip there but it felt so right. Thankfully we were in the corner of the room and as the night got later the only lights that were on were the ones on the dance floor so we weren't in view of anyone unless they really looked, my lips moved from her lips to her neck- I nipped just below her jaw, I remembered everything about her body, every dip, curve, spot. A sweet moan filled my ear making me only hungrier for her "fuck- Tom people might see us, be careful" hearing my name fall from her lips took me back. I felt the girl pull back and look down, my eyes followed her

"shit- I..I'm sorry" I saw the tent formed in my slacks brushing against her thigh, my eyes met with hers again a smirk forming on her lips. Without any more words we slid away into one of the many bathrooms in the building through the corridor and down the stairs "god I've fucking missed you baby-" she smiled pulling my face to her, foreheads hitting, she pressed one last kiss to my lips and sat on the bathroom counter, shoving all the soaps and towels to the floor.

It had been 15 years since I last touched her let alone had sex with Y/n. I was nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time. I was worried whether I would be able to please her, whether I would be able to pleasure her, whether I would be able to make her feel the same way I had made her feel all those years ago when I could make her the most beautiful mess in the matter of minuets. I was scared of disappointing Y/n, of not being able to give her the same pleasure I had given her before. But despite all these fears, I was eager to be with Y/n once again, to experience the same feeling that we had experienced so long ago. I was ready to explore a new kind of connection with her, to explore the depths of our newly rediscovered lust. I was ready to fuck Y/n and have the pleasure that I had been missing for so long.

my hands wondered up her thighs onto the hem of the dress "can I?" she nodded lifting herself slightly so I could get the dress over her ass, I pulled it up revealing a small lacy black thong "fuck-" I groaned feeling my self wanting to rip it off her, she lifted her arms allowing me to get the dress fully off and I watched as her tits fell free , they were still my favourite eye candy all these years on "god I've missed those" I lunged forward taking her one boob into my mouth, swirling her nipple with my tongue hearing her soft noises escape her lips, her hands tangled themselves into my hair as she pulled me closer

"Tom- please i.. I need more" I pulled away looking to her face flushed red, I let my hands fall to her hips and play with the thong strap "please" she whined grabbing my hands and putting it to her heat, there was a small patch in the fabric- she was already soaking

"god still so needy hm?" she nodded "so wet for me-" my words came out in a almost moan and I watched her trying to roll her hips on my hand, I pulled away and shoved her hands back, I leaned down grabbing her legs and pulling her closer to me, my chin resting on her bare stomach "want me to take these off?" she hummed getting closer to me, I pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh and grabbed both sides of the cotton ripping them apart

"TOM!" she yelled eyes widening at her panties in two "I-"

"its fine baby, I'll clean you up well so you wont need these, can be our little secret" her face went red again telling me I did a good job as I stuffed the fabric into my pocket "now- let me see that pretty little pussy" her legs parted and she was leaking already- she was beautiful, I let my ring finger slide through her folds hearing small whimpers string from her mouth "good girl, you like me touching you?"

"yes Tom- fuck I've missed this please- please I need more, don't tease pl-please" I laughed at her words pressing a small kiss to her head before letting my finger dip into her heat "SHIT-"

"shush- don't want people hearing you up stairs" she covered her mouth with her free hand and closed her eyes- I could've came at the sight but I knew I had to wait, I brought another finger into her feeling her tighten around me "good girl- you want more don't you?" she nodded opening her eyes that were already tearing up

"I need- I need you.." hearing her voice so quiet was music to my ears, she was so god damn hot "ple-" I sped up my pace adding a third didget and a cry spilled from her "I..I'm gonna- TOM!" I ripped my fingers out and let my mouth do the finishing part- tasting her for the first time in so long I hummed at the flavour "shit shit shit" she came, hands tightening around my shoulders

"you taste even sweeter doll" I grinned coming back up with my chin slick with her "think you can take more?" her mouth opened sucking for air "mh?" my hand cupped her jaw, thumb soothing her lips, I pulled away and brought the fingers that had once been in her, with no hesitation she took them into her mouth, cleaning her of me with a purr

"yes- I can please" with that I hand my hand back and unbuckled my belt, letting my slacks fall to the floor followed by my boxer, Y/n came closer unbuttoning my shirt reviling my chest, I pressed one last hungry kiss to her lips before lining myself up with her heat

"tell me when to stop-" she nodded her head and gently I pushed into her- the feeling taking me back, so warm and she fit so perfectly around me "ugh- fuck you never changed" a dopey smile appeared on her lips

"okay- you can move" she propped her self up on her hands, my hands holding her hips, I pulled out agonisingly slow "Tom please- don't tease me, not after this long" she breathed, eyes staring into mine. I snapped my hips out and back into the warmth quickly "SHIT" she screamed

"good girl- take it Y/n, I know you can doll come on" I spoke between thrusts, I grabbed her legs throwing them over my shoulders going deeper into her, a high moan flooded the bathroom as I pressed against her g-spot

"fuck right there babe- right there" hearing my old pet name sent me into overdrive, I pulled her off the counter and pressed her against the granite, ass slapping again my hips and I slammed myself into her, I watched her face in the mirror- tears of pleasure forming in her y/c/e's, mouth wide open "Oh my god- I forgot how big you- you are" a proud grin plastered my face

"look at yourself baby- watch how good I fuck you" her eyes opened wider as she looked at her self "look at you angel taking me so well ,cock feels so good in you Y/n" I whined pushing myself as deep as I could

I let go of her hip where my hand perfectly fit and twisted her hair into a makeshift pony-tail, pulling her head back, my lips in the shell of her ear "look so pretty like this baby- god I missed you" I pressed kisses to her hair line still watching her in the mirror, tits bouncing at ever push "so perfect for me... this pussy is all mine- nobody will ever fuck you better than me huh?"

"no- shit no, this pussy is yours Tom- all yours" I felt my cock twitch and my legs go weak "fuck... Tommy I'm so close" I let her hair go, pulling out and twisting her around so I could see her face, she grabbed my cock lining it back up and I sunk back in

"cum for me babe- fuck, just like tha-" before I could finish my sentence I felt her tighten around me, squeezing me In all the right places, her eyes squeezed shut and a sob good enough to be a porn star erupted from her throat and soon I felt myself cum into her, pumping her full, our liquids running down my cock and on her thighs

"fuck yes- feels so.. good" her voice was a whisper as she clung onto my shoulders "good-so good" I could tell her mind was blank, as we both came down from our high I stared to her face, eyes closed as she caught her breath- I missed her, not just because of the sex but being able to walk up and wrap my arms around her, talk to her on the phone the whole night on tour, give her gifts and spoil her, be there when she cried

"I love you" I spoke pressing a kiss to her cheek "I love you so much- I miss you Y/n" her eyes opened, head nodding at all my words

"i... I know Tom but- we can't, you- you know that, you have Heidi now- I'm just a memory; but I love you- and I want you to know that" she panted catching her breath, her hand cupped my jaw as she pressed a small kiss to my lips, where her favourite piercing was

"i... I don't want you to be a memory Y/n-" she wrapped her arms around me and I couldn't help but hold her again tears pricking my eyes "I don't want to lose you again"

"it's over Tom- but I'll always be here, I'll always love you but we can't be together" I nodded my head, peppering her face with kisses and finally to her lips; it wasn't hungry this time- passionate, longing and meaningful, painfully as I knew this was the last time

after we cleaned up and hugged one last time we made our ways out, going our separate ways once again- I knew she'd be going home- back to the house where I ruined everything.

I went over to the bar ordering a shot of vodka and taking it quickly, I felt arms tangle around me and rush of hope filled me "y/-"

"darling where have you been?" Heidi kissed my cheek raking her hands through my hair

"just in the bathroom" i spoke seeing her nod her head- only if she knew

∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　

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