my phone, my cigarette, my keys, my old-soul coffee enwrapped in one palm. my denim pocket unhurt from the sharpness pivoting in my right arm. this is what i am accustomed to. this is what i was born for. balancing myself for the creation of men, for men, with men. babydoll, petal, flower girl? names embroidered not taloned in my porcelain skin. babybrown, ribbon beneath my knees, braided lashes.
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ah yes the female experience.
listening to music about feelings you have never felt to distract yourself from the feelings you can't get rid of.
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I'm just so lonely. Not just today, but every day.
My bed is filled with stuffed animals gifted to me by friends who I don't talk to anymore. Their solidness and warmth cradle against me in faux affection.
I anxiously double check online communities I'm apart of waiting for a text that will never arrive. Filling my days with people I don't know, looking to clutter the void with lookalike company of people who have long since left.
I tease the earth with my hands, dance the ground and whisper promises to the weeds in my backyard. Yet I flounder and flail at the opportunity to romance myself and others.
I fantasize about a faceless lover when the only person whose ever been in my bed is me.
My room is cluttered with things I love and tend too; so much so that it feels too cold and empty to leave. Anywhere else is simply too cold.
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