#i keep writing the nasties into these things so i am struggling to figure out how to even share some of the stories cuz

[kriskukko]

a last day // 1911

// the escalation (graphic! NSFW!!! oh no what are the men doing🥒💦) herein is a patreon exclusive, do consider dear readers 😎✨//

#and there is like 17 squares of it yumyum #1911 #historical fantasy #i keep writing the nasties into these things so i am struggling to figure out how to even share some of the stories cuz #at least one so far starts in the bedroom so i cant fade out like usually ahahahah

[bluedalahorse]

Okay, I’ll bite. Posts like this one on the confessions blog kind of make me wonder/worry about how I come across on tumblr. I’m one of those people who’s 200% down for the secondary characters in YR, particularly the controversial ones. I’m also someone who’d been lurking for a while prior to season 2 airing, but joined tumblr a little bit after season 2 to finally start discussing with people.

Given the way the post I linked above resonates with some of the themes I made a post about few days ago, it seems like the anon and I might both be struggling with some of the patterns of conversation in fandom. That said, we’re coming from very different places. And given the way I engage with this fandom, I sometimes wonder if I’m the antagonist in someone’s fandom story.

I do recognize that some of my posts come from a place where I could come across as pretentious, lecturing, or overbearing in some way. When I first de-lurked this fandom, I talked about a lot of the show in terms of craft and literary theory and such, in part because I’m in grad school for just that and in part because I hang out with a friends group IRL who uses that existing vocabulary to discuss things we love. I was also using the academic voice with a dose of sarcasm thrown in as a sort of armor, because I knew my favorite characters in the show (Sara and August) were so widely beloathed by so many people. I was worried that if my first post was “wow they sure are cute even if they’re messy; where do I find the fanfic?” I wouldn’t make friends, or possibly would even get chased off of tumblr. I figured it was much safer to come in and say things like “I find it really interesting to see how their relationship is a narrative foil to Wilmon’s, and them being together really raises the stakes of the drama” and keep my Big Feelings to myself. (Especially since some posters can be pretty nasty about my faves, and make assumptions about what I’m an “apologist” for when I talk about them.) I still lean into academic speak to some extent—like I said, it’s part of who I am even outside of YR, so it’s hard to shake. But rest assured there is fannish passion behind it, and also know I don’t think academic speak should be a requirement for participating in fandom.

I’m also wondering… what role should making the case for the characters and plotlines one loves play in establishing one’s fandom presence? Like, in general? Ultimately my motive when I make my posts, analysis or otherwise, is to invite people to play in my weird little sandbox with me. (If they want to, of course!) I recognize that some of my fandom opinions/hills I will die on are what they are, so I imagine some folks don’t want to change their opinions any more than I do. But I also recognize that in more than two decades of being in fandom, there are times when someone else’s passion for a character or a take on some aspect of a show or book really led me to see something new and interesting, or hook on to particular rarepairs or whatever else. That’s the beauty of fandom as a community—we all get more excited about things together and share our love of things. Since some of my favorite aspects of YR are much much more rarely represented in fanworks, I’m usually talking about how I adore them in hopes that I’ll continue to find the people who like the things I like, and in hopes that maybe I’ll spark something in someone’s brain and they’ll write a cool fic or draw cool art or something. Talking to people here has made me more interested in pairings like Walty and Stedrika, which I didn’t think about as much before on my first watchthroughs of the show. So anyway… I do know there’s some folks out there who are never gonna be interested in what I’m interested in. I also know there are folks, myself included, who’ve learned things from what other people are passionate about. I also know there are some opinions that seem a lot more unpopular than they are until someone voices them.

I recognize that the two factors above—a tendency toward academic speak, and another tendency to make the case for the less popular things I love about the show in hopes that people will join me, combined with maybe me not having the best day or not choosing my words well—all that together and I could I see how I could come across as pretentious or holier-than-thou or looking down on people. (And admittedly there are times where my posts come from a place of frustration about the way certain characters are talked about. I think we’ve all been there at one time or another.) It really isn’t my intention to come across in a negative way, but I can see how it would happen. It’s also possible I’m doing something that completely doesn’t register with me at all, but it’s super hurtful to others. I may not know the full extent to how I’ve bothered someone, because ultimately I am just in my own head.

If I’ve hurt you or made you feel crappy in your time being a fan on tumblr, I am truly sorry. I’m open to talking about it if you want to talk about it, but also, zero pressure if you just kind of want to hang out in your own space and do your own thing.

To sum up… it seems like on one hand there’s a portion of fandom that seems to want to embrace the YR world in its entirety, and another portion of fandom that would like to lean into a focus on Wilmon. And there’s probably people all across a spectrum there, because nothing is a strict binary. All are valid approaches! I don’t think we all need to be best friends, but I do think we need to figure out how to coexist and assume positive intent in each other’s approaches to the work. Does anyone have ideas about that? Are there hashtags we could be using a little more carefully? I don’t have answers yet, but it is something I’m thinking about.

[ask-a-thon]

Hi I just wanted to ask clarification on what content isn't allowed before I do questions and tag your blog in replies

I understand that having a concrete list might make it harder later but if you did I wouldn't be wondering what "within reason" means and whether non-con/underage/incest will get me blacklisted or something (since your wording makes it seem like that could be possible)

This is the section I'm referring to from this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/ask-a-thon/727189255425867776/a-gentle-warning

> However, that being said, there are reasonable exceptions that are not allowed to join the ask-thingie here. I think you all reasonably know who you are but if you're confused, please ask and I'll kindly tell you that I won't be adding you to the list.

"reasonable exceptions" is too vague. i worry that you mean writers like me when you say "know who you are"

Thank you in advance for your reply

Anon, thank you so much for your questions asking for clarifications and for pointing out that I was too vague when I made this post. You're absolutely right. I am also very sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you, as I was very busy yesterday and it took both me and Myth a little bit to figure out some specifics now that we are working together. However, because I unknowingly created this problem I wanted to try to fix it and clarify it myself.

How are we fixing this problem?

We are going to make a specific FAQ and link it in the post you mention.

I am also going to link that FAQ in every pinned post that ever pops up again.

We are going to keep the FAQ updated with any other similar questions, especially clarifying questions from whump, distrubing, and smut writers.

I am going to go ahead and lightly answer your questions now so that you don't have to wait and so that other writers have the opportunity to see the answers twice.

Warning. The following messages use triggering language for some people. Some triggers include SA, incest, non-con, underage themes, etc. Please read at your own discretion.

Some of the things you said re-framed as questions so we have an answer:

Will non-con get me blacklisted?

Consensual non-con will not get you blacklisted. Not in smut, not in your romantic writing, not in anything. This is something that might make people uncomfortable but there is consent. Non-con in purposefully disturbing writing is also allowed because one of the key factors of disturbing writing is to be disturbed. I have always said that writers do not always write what they enjoy, what they believe, what they want the world to be like, because that's just not how writing works. However, anything that glorifies rape with the direct intention of just saying "rape is okay" is never, ever, at any point, allowed.

What about underage content?

I, Mod Aster, completely understand that there are a lot of minors on this website that want to read smut that includes their age group and that no matter how you spin it, it is legally underage content. That being said, underage content falls under a legal grey area that both me and Myth are uncomfortable navigating. We are also uncomfortable pre-reading your work and seeing if it will be allowed so, maybe unfortunately, we are going to put a hard NO on this one. I do apologize for putting a hard no on any form of writing because Ask-A-Thon is supposed to be a safe space for everyone to share their writing, but I do personally fear that even if the legal area is wider than I would suspect, Tumblr's TOS is graceful, all of that, some really nasty adults will use this as an opportunity and I'd hate to expose minors to that sort of thing.

And/or Incest?

We cannot keep track of where it is illegal for you to post incest smut, disturbing fiction, otherwise online. That is up to you to figure out. Personally, as someone who reads a lot of disturbing fiction, I loved Flowers in the Attic for how the main character struggles with this "issue" and navigates this through her life. I am not saying incest has to be disturbing for you to be able to post it, but because of the comfort zones of one, or more, of our mods and admins we are going to say that as long as you put this under a mature filter and it is not super explicit, we will allow it until we feel people abuse it.

For things that end up on the okay list we will ask a few things:

Please make sure all trigger warnings and content warnings are labeled appropriately and are at the top of your post so that people understand exactly what they're getting into before reading too far.

Underage smut is never allowed. However, if you're writing a very "steamy romance" between minors without intercourse in it, you should make sure it has appropriate warnings for adults that want to avoid that sort of thing.

Things that include anything on this current list BUT are just a short explanation of something happening, only briefly mention, and have nothing explicit are always allowed.

If you feel like you are still confused and are wondering if your works will get you blacklisted, please message Ask-A-Thon for clarifying questions. You are more than welcome to send your work, show us a post, and we would be more than happy to read it over and tell you your answer without any aggression, without any finger pointing, and without judgement despite how the linked post was written.

Please remember that the post that was linked was written somewhat aggressively because the original intention was to get people to be nice to whump writers. I, Aster, had no idea that disturbing fiction, non-con, etc, writers would think I was being aggressive to them. For that I am so apologetic and I do hope you'll forgive me.

Please give us some time to make the FAQ, post it, and link it everywhere.

-Mod Aster

#ask a thon #ask-a-thon #writeblr #writblr #novel writing #writers on tumblr #writing #writers and poets

[wigglebox]

okay so i have an idea for a very long story. i figured out how i wanted it to end, so let me know what y’all think. 

--

i’m thinking it can be just one part but to really flesh it out, it should probably be four parts [like four separate books]: the beginning, which establishes everything, the first middle part which will probably be shorter but it’ll establish the world after the events of the first part, the second middle part which starts to ramp up the stakes more for the main characters, and then the final part which is where all the events of the previous three parts come together and we get some emotional beats from the characters and badda bing badda boom. 

but the think i’m going to have running through all the parts, starting with the later bits of the first part, is a romance. this is when i need y’alls help. 

Jacob and Nashua meet in the first part. They’re our protagonists. They’re kind of like, not friends, but allies. They come from opposite sides of a war fought between the people and its rulers [Jacob is on the side of the people and Nashua is a prince/commander of some troops and loyal to the crown] but once they meet, Nashua especially starts to question his own role in things. 

But in the first part, the only relationship that’s growing is friendship. I’m thinking this can be like, a slow burn enemies to friends to lovers kind of deal. it’s going to take a lot to write it but oh well. 

So the first book will have Nashua seemingly sacrificing himself for another character’s wellbeing. I’m not going to make that the end of the first book though because I don’t want to end on that cliffhanger lol, but I am thinking it can be the second to last ‘part’ of this book. It’ll take another couple of chapters to realize he’s still okay, which is good! And then i’ll have the first book end with Jacob and Nashua still parting ways but the war is over and Jacob is unsatisfied because he lost people he loved but Nashua basically tells him that this is just the new normal, and that they have to make sacrifices for freedom, etc etc. 

The second book will be a little shorter I think because it’s really just going to exist to establish a world post-first book war. Jacob is going to be struggling, Nashua isn’t going to be around as much, even though he and Jacob are friends, and Nashua is going to be insistent that he has to now take on a rising force inside the kingdom trying to seize power. Jacob will try to ask how he can help but will get rebuffed. It’s Nashua’s fight, not Jacob’s. 

By the midpoint of the book you learn that Nashua is getting into some nasty shit in order to take down this threat and by the midpoint, Jacob is trying to convince Nashua to not go down that path which now includes some dark magic bullshit, but Nashua is so caught up in the desire to take down this rise in power by this other character, and he enjoyed the small rewards from the magic he’s already tried, that he doesn’t listen. 

Because he doesn’t listen, he winds up unleashing a powerful, evil force into their world. Nashua also dies, and Jacob spends the second half of the book upset about it and struggling to contain the force that Nashua unleashed. 

But by the end of the book, Nashua is back — however now he and Jacob are going to be blown to the shadow world in which the evil forces came from. That’s how the book ends, and we don’t know now if ANY of them are alive. 

The third book will contain the after effects of book 2 wihle still playing off of the turmoil of book 1. Jacob comes back without Nashua and is struggling because of it but wont’ tell anyone really what happened in the shadow world in full detail. Finally we learn that Nashua was still stuck in the shadow world because he is punishing himself for the damage he caused in their own world. He doesn’t want to face it, he doesn’t want to keep on living his life like he didn’t just cause a lot of damage. But Nashua does eventually come back but it’s for a sinister reason. Magic folk who are mad at him are trying to brainwash him. 

The whole third book won’t be as long as the first book but it’ll still esablish a lot: The first part will be a development of Nashua and Jacob’s realationship. The second and third parts of the book will highlight Jacob’s own fall from grace in the desire to save those he loves but in turn it really screws him up and Nashua is helpless to stop it. The fourth part of the book will introduce an antagonist who is misunderstood herself, but will also serve to highlight Nashua and Jacob’s relationship even more, specifically the pining portion of it. 

And finally the third book will end happy, actually. The antagonist turned out not to be so bad after all, no one dies, Nashua and Jacob are still on the ground together, etc etc. 

The final book will be an emotional one as we lead up to the end. Nashua is going to die again, this time seemingly for real. I’m going to have the first several chapters again devoted to Jacob’s reaction which is going to be more intense than before now that they’ve gone through all these events together and it’s going to be clear now that friendship is not just friendship but there’s something else blooming as well [romance]. 

Nashua eventually comes back but before he does, I’m going to establish this other shadow world in which he was held. It is more like a spirit world. And it’s scary as hell. 

The book will continue on with some things, I haven’t quite landed on it exactly but I”m going to have Jacob put in a scary position again as he tries to save everyone, and I’m going to introduce a character that also helps highlight Nashua’s emotional journey from soulless prince, devoutee to the crown, to where he is now. The character will be the child of someone Nashua met up with in book four. He promised he’d take care of the child, so he does. Jacob doesn’t like the child as much because he views the kid as the reason for Nashua’s most recent death, which was traumatizing. 

But they all work it out. 

However, when the kid [I haven’t named them yet idk a name???] falls ill and dies, Nashua pulls out the stops to try and get him back and make him okay. 

But, by doing that, he makes a secret deal with the spirit world that Jacob, nor really anyone but the child, knows about. 

After that, we finally learn of our real villain who is THEE king, THEE person who has been calling the shots. It was the character we were introduced to in the first book, the one that Nashua first sacrifices himself for and the one we thought would be an ally. 

He had shown up again in book three, and we get the indication that he was not just a random village resident, but he still isn’t sinister. Now we learn that he’s actually been calling the shots the entire time and has had a finger in almost every aspect of their lives. 

Jacob is sent into a tail spin mentally about what parts of his life were meddled with and which parts were authentic. Nashua is determined to keep headstrong and figure out how to stop The Bad Guy. I’ll even have Nashua tell Jacob that both of them together are “real” which will imply that if they are together in a chapter, then the events taking place are likely events not being meddled with. 

By the end of book four, their relationship together is very obvious. It’s way more than just friendship, but they still haven’t said Those Words Yet TM. 

However, as they’re running up to the final battle, Nashua and Jacob get pinned down by an adversary. I haven’t decided what character I want this to be, probably a neutral one that’s maybe been influenced by the true bad guy, but I haven’t decided. But in any case, I want them to be virtually unkillable. 

Because now I want to envoke that deal that Nashua made with the spirit world. Only the spirit world would be able to take down this adversary, and if the adversary isn’t taken down, then Jacob is likely going to die, but Jacob has to stick around until the end. 

So instead, I’m going to have Nashua finally activate the terms of his deal in order to sacrifice himself to take down the adversary. It sounds like a boring ‘we’ve already done this’ scene but I’m going to make it really beautiful. 

Like, straight up I’m going to have Nashua sing Jacob’s praises, tell Jacob how amazing he is, how good he is deep down and how Jacob helped Nashua change, and how Nashua learned so much, and that Jacob isn’t just a fighter for the people but really a good person and a loving person. It’s going to be a long speech, but I think it’s worth it. 

I’m going to have it encompass their journey together over the last three [althought at this point since we’re near the end, four] books and it’s going to be VERY impactful. The spirit world is coming, and the deal that’s been hanging over Nashua’s head and indeed the readers’ head will finally be acted on. 

Nashua is going to the spirit world, that’s always been in the cards. You will understand that he is going to the spirit world and there’s no coming back from that. This will really feel like THEE final death for Nashua, and it’ll be sad, but it’ll also be emotionally satisfying because I’m going to have it so you feel like Nashua has been wanting to say all this for a long time now, like a very long time, but never could. 

Like this scene has the emotional impact and weight as only a multi-book slowburn romance could have. 

Nashua says I Love You because his knowledge of Jacob knowing he’s loved and that he is loving in return is enough for Nashua to find some kind of peace and enact the spirit world deal. 

Jacob is just too stunned to speak, he doesn’t know what to do if he should tackle Nashua to stop the spirit world from coming or shut him up so the spirit world doesn’t come or what — but since we know Jacob feels the same way, we aren’t shocked when instead what comes out of his mouth is ‘don’t do this’ because this isn’t how he wanted this to happen. We know he feels the same way, and them talking about it shouldn’t have been here, but at a moment of peace where they could finally open up to each other. 

But instead, Jacob doesn’t get a chance to say I Love You back [sorry, I know that’s frustrating] and Nashua is taken with a smile on his face. We’re going to end that chapter with Jacob on the floor, crying his eyes out, alone. 

Okay, now, here’s the final two chapters — I hope you’re still with me here:

Jacob picks himself up and finds that kid that’s been palling around with them since he’s integrel to the defeat of The Bad Guy TM. Jacob also finds his sibling who also has skin in the game, and some other powerful creatures. 

I’m not going to have Jacob really focus on the emotional weight of Nashua’s sacrifice though because I have too much story to wrap up and at this point, it’s not about their relationship anymore, right? So yeah, they all team up, they are betrayed by some magic person who turns out to be working for The Big Bad, but no big deal it’s fine. I’m going to have Jacob say something like “That’s not who I am” when the Bad Guy expects Jacob to kill him like Jacob has killed before — and I think that’ll be enough acknowledgement to the previous chapter. The chapter ends with the bad guy defeated, and the kid who now has the bad guy’s powers is just gonna peace out because I don’t need to care about him anymore. 

Also I have decided by this point, after one scene in the chapter where Jacob thinks Nashua is back, and says his name, that that moment will be the last time Jacob acknowledges Nashua. It’s just too annoying to have to keep talking about it, right?

So anyway. The final chapter! Or I guess this is just the epilogue? I haven’t decided yet. 

Jacob and his sibling kind of go back to how they had been doing things. No acknowledgement about the people they’ve lost, really no acknowledgement about Nashua. Jacob’s sibling says Nashua’s name once but grouped together with others, kind of like an after thought. 

Jacob gets wounded very badly and winds up at the castle. He now has to stay there. I’m not going to give an explanation as to why, but he just has to stay there. He doesn’t really do anything, but he sees some old friends, which I guess is nice. It’s a different life than the one he just left, but that’s okay. He’s just gonna loaf around. He’s deserved it! He’s deserved some chill time with some old friends that have been taken in by the crown as well and who also seems to have fun there. It’s also more realistic. 

Also, guess who is there as well??? NASHUA! Nashua has been in the castle the entire time! 

I dont’ think i’m going to explain how in the course of one chapter he goes from the spirit world to the castle. He’s just going to be there. I know there’s not a lot of time between his big speech and his scene where he leaves, his sacrifice, but that’s okay. He’s there! 

I thought about including a few chapters of Jacob trying to figure out how to get Nashua out of the spirit world but I figured it’s easier if Nashua just shows up. Less writing for me to do, and by now I would have done a lot of the writing, and I imagine my editor would just like to have an ending and be done with it. 

Nashua is back at the castle! The castle in which tortured him and brainwashed him and was the source of a lot of his grief, even the place he’s fought against a few times by now with Jacob and his friends and family, but it’s okay because he’s helping to change the Castle’s culture. I don’t know how he’s doing it, but it’s implied. He just does it. Or maybe I’ll imply that he did it with the kid who wound up getting into power, but I’m not gonna show the kid either. 

But he’s back! He’s back! It only took a chapter, and we don’t know how he’s back, but he’s back. No explanation, no reasoning, no chapters highlighting how he got out, he’s just out. 

I know his final scene was emotional and implied he was going to the spirit world for good but HA subvert those expectations! Bam! And since both Nashua and Jacob are there together, to call back to the “we are” (real) moment between them, that means that this setting indeed is real! Everything here is now real and not being meddled with. 

And they lived happily ever after in this Castle, no questions asked. 

.........

and this is why i don’t lke the concept of cas being in heaven in 1520.

#long post #oh my god i know it's so long i'm so sorry #but idk how else to demonstrate how much i hate the concept of cas being in heaven in 1520 #longgggg post #salt #i guess #i. know i didn't match up every destiel beat in its entirety here but i'm just trying to frame it like a normal story #and my point is that cas being in heaven in the end makes 0 sense to me #and i am glad i didnt see him #i know it's comforting for some folks to think that he's there #and that's absolutely fine #indeed there are some good fics out there #but no i can't do it myself #and this is why #when you write it like so it makes no sense #also yes jacob and nashua are actual OCs of mine xD #no they don't have this story

[onebigfangirlworld]

Bestie, I am so freaking frustrated. I want to write the best Christmas smut right now but I have my final project for college. I wanna scream so much cause my mind keeps going to the nasty things while I should be answering the questions. I have like no attention span right now either but I'm just itching to write 😂 plus I got a new phone so I'm constantly trying to figure it out as I struggle.

First of all Christmas smut???? *lowers glasses* I’m interested

Next FINISH YOIR COLLEGE PROJECT ITS IMPORTANT!! Do a little work on that and then as a reward work a little on your writings

🖤🖤🖤

[keefwho]

September 12 - 2022

10:15 AM

I have a lot to do today and I’m trying but I can’t get comfortable. I can’t find peace right now. Im having a very hard time. 

11:06 AM

Why dont I feel okay. Everything is fine. Why cant I just accept that. Instead I'm cuddled up in bed avoiding my responsibilities. Please let me feel better.

12:16 PM

I just want to give up. Every day is wake up> try to complete my meager work> stress about tomorrow’s work. Whats the point. Ill try to get it done so I can at least feel a little better about laying in bed all day. 

I used to have fun doing streams. I used to look forward to VR time every evening. I used to enjoy eating. Now Im just fucked up in every field. Im a shell of who I used to be. Im totally broken.

12:40 PM

I know I’m just having a bad couple days. It happens. I was optimistic for awhile and now I’m depressed. It’ll pass and I’ll keep making progress on myself. I just gotta stick to doing what I know is best for me, even if it’s hard. Things will always get better. Things just get so overwhelming and sometimes I feel so alone through all of it. I’ve never thought of myself as a strong person. Sometimes I don’t feel like I can make it. 

I’ve been feeling like wanting to cry for days and I finally am, I guess I just needed to get it out. 

5:31 PM

Im trying to do 1 exercise for each pivot daily. For defusion I’ve been doing the first one which is telling myself I can’t do something while actively doing it. It does making me briefly aware of how my thoughts and actions can be separate from each other. Now I’m going to do the “I am” exercise again since it’s the 1st one listed for this pivot.

I am smart. I am thoughtful. I am weak.

I am smarter than a lot of people I meet on VRchat.  I am more thoughtful than many on the internet in general.  I am weaker than most everyone.

I am smart, or not. I am thoughtful, or not. I am weak, or not. 

If I consider myself as either being these things, or not, it opens up possibilities. If I erase the statements completely and ask “am I still me?”, I immediately assume “no.” How can I be me without the qualities I’ve come to define myself with. But the thing is, that “no” thought was automatic. The real me noticed it. The real me is a deeper sense of myself buried underneath the mountain of books that are my ‘stories’ and ‘traits’. 

I think of myself as smart. I think of myself as thoughtful I feel weak. When I’m faced with a unique problem, and I figure it out before my friends, I think of myself as smart. 

When I don’t feel good, but I know a friend needs me so I help them out, I think of myself as thoughtful.

When I have very little work to do, but I still can’t bring myself to do it, I feel weak.

When I take on a problem that I think is simple, but I struggle to get anywhere, I don’t think of myself as smart. 

When someone needs me, but I don’t feel like helping at the moment, I don’t think of myself as thoughtful. 

When something really needs to get done, and I do it no matter how I feel, I do not feel weak.

I think I’m going to hop on VRchat for a little to try the acceptance exercise which utilizes your environment. 

12:23 AM

Most of my troubles stem from sever overthinking. I pretend I can make heads or tails of a given situation but I simply can’t. No one can to the degree I’m trying to do. It’s a nasty habit I could try to minimize. The reality is, everything is so dynamic, complicated, and unmeasurable that it would be impossible to write rules that dictate a certain situation reliably. The only thing I CAN rely on are simpler, broader rules like most people do. Most things work themselves out anyways, I think sometimes we pretend we have more power than we really do. The best I can do is live in the moment and operate as dynamic as life is. 

Daily Recap 

This morning was really bad, I remember being extremely down on myself. I was sad about where I am mentally currently. Mostly because the past couple days have been more anxious than usual, for no particular reason. It might have just been a couple of bad days, they tend to happen. Things picked up as the day went on. I didn’t draw as much as I’d wanted, I did half of the day’s work but I was a full day ahead so I could afford it. I did my exercise despite believing I wasn’t going to be capable of it. I also did a lot of cleaning and did my daily mental exercises. So I was mostly as productive as I wanted to be. This evening I had a great time with my friends and then had a relaxing night. I ate a lot which is good since I’m trying to gain weight. I can say it was a pretty good day despite how I felt this morning. I definitely hit a sort of breaking point and reset myself. 

#journal #diary #anxiety

[xoxo-teddybear]

He’s Lost - Bakugou Katsuki - Part 2

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: angst, slightest fluff, cursing, physical harm mentions, lowkey little yandere obsessive hints, smut, 18+, daddy kink, sad boi Bakugou    :(

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Summary: Bakugou’s been going through hell ever since the breakup. He’s been so lost without you. But he’s willing to do whatever it takes to win back his Teddy bear. Everything and anything for the love of his life.

*Everyone is of age for legal consent (which is 16 in Japan, if you are uncomfortable with it please move along, thx<3)*

A/N: Bakugou is a little OOC but the main thing in the beginning starts with fixing up Katsuki a little bit. So sorry if you don’t really enjoy it all that much<3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Melancholy music bounces off the walls of the dark room. The river of tears that flow down his once perfect porcelain skin is everlasting. As he lays in the soft bed, staring at the ceiling, he thinks about all he could’ve done better for you. In his hand, the same framed picture of you both that he’s held onto every night ever since the horrible incident. Y/N L/N. Like a song that’s stuck on loop. It’s the only thing that runs through his mind.

The door swiftly opens, and much to his disliking, a massive amount of light now enters the former den of manliness pit of depression.

To show his displeasure, Bakugou rolled himself in the blankets, covering his entire body in them and being the picture inside with him as well. With different circumstances, Y/N would’ve thought it was cute or adorable, but it wasn’t Y/N that opened the door.

“Really Bakubro?” The blonde’s best friend spoke.

Eijirou Kirishima. The best friend of our dearest sad boy. He’s been letting his Bakubro crash in his dorm room because Katsuki refuses to clean his own. It looks exactly the same as it did on Valentine’s Day. Just a little different.

Rose petals were dead and dried up on his floors, candles were nearly melted to the bottom as they lay everywhere in the room, the curry was thankfully thrown out by Kirishima claiming that he could smell the spoiled aroma all the way from his room. But the presents, letter, and new gear stayed in the exact same spots. Bakugou didn’t feel worthy enough to be blessed with all the stuff but he was oh so desperate to be worthy. Worthy of your time, your love, and you in general.

Bakugou let out a grumbled whine of displeasure. He could feel the disappointment and concern radiating off his friend. As Katsuki poked just his face out of the covers, he was met with the expression that represented those two things.

“You can’t keep living like this bro,” Kirishima began, “You can’t keep hallowing in sadness in my room. I wanna help you, but you gotta help yourself too. Ever since you and Y/N split-“ Bakugou quickly interrupted.

“We didn’t split, she left me!” The blonde cried.

“...Right, okay. Well ever since Y/N left you, you’re not the same. You stay in here, playing the same damn sad tunes, covering yourself in my blankets, crying all day, and holding onto that picture! You haven’t even been to class or training! Shit man, you don’t even come out of my room to eat food! I gotta bring your plate here just to make sure that you’re properly fed. You’re a mess Bakugou. And not even the hot kind!” His best friend was right. He was a mess. And not even the hot kind.

“Well what the hell am I supposed to do shitty hair?” Bakugou said while dragging the covers over his face once more. Inside the blanket he held onto the picture as if it were actually you.

The fake red head snatched the covers off of his friend’s body and forced him up.

The said friend didn’t take too kindly to that and growled in displeasure.

“What the fuck Kirishima,” Bakugou said, a little to calm and chilling.

“Dont give me that bull Katsuki. You gotta get her back. I would say move on, but it’s clear you can’t.” Kirishima said while rolling his eyes.

Bakugou mirrored the action and said “yea no shit genius. I can’t and won’t move on.”

“So then go get her man!” Kirishima yelled

“And how the fuck am I supposed to do that? Huh?!” Bakugou was so confused. In what way was it going to be possible to win you back?

“Figure it out! Look Bakugou, I’ll be here to help you along the way, but you gotta figure this shit out on your own. This is your relationship here, if you want it as bad as you claim you do then prove it. You want Y/N back? Then fight for her, idiot!” The blonde’s eyes seemed to go wide.

Two words stuck out to Katsuki during his friend’s little speech. Prove it. Fuck yeah he will! He’ll prove to the whole damn universe how much he wants you back. More importantly, he’ll prove it to you and win you back.

The iconic Bakugou smirk reappeared on Katsuki’s face. Kirishima took it as a good sign. “Alright shitty hair, you want me to prove how badly I want Y/N back. FINE!” The two friends pulled the iconic bro hug to seal the deal.

(You know? That shit that guys do where they high five and pull each other in with that one hand for the quickest hug and pat each other on the back? You know what I’m talking about.)

“Welcome back Katsuki.” Kirishima gladly stated. “Now get the fuck out of my room man, I’m sick of sleeping on the common room couches and you reek. Take a shower. And get your own clothes from your own room.”

As Kirishima pushed him out into the hallway and shut the door, it hit Bakugou like a bus. This would be Katsuki’s first challenge. Going back into the room filled with the torn love.

As Katsuki opened the door holding onto the picture, he felt his heart sink. He saw the damage. Melted candles, dried petals, the gifts and letter. Even the nasty smell of the spoiled curry still remained. As Katsuki gathered the courage to walk in and place the picture on the messy nightstand, it’s like the room was holding onto some sad emotions. Heartache and regret filled Katsuki’s chest. He couldn’t believe how fast it happened. He thought he would at least have a minute or two before he felt the pain again. Man, did it hurt like hell.

Katsuki dashed to his closet grabbing the first things he saw. He grabbed his shower container that held all his soaps and cleaning utensils and ran out the room, shutting the door. Once out, he let out a breath of relief.

“...after I clean myself up, the room’s next.” Katsuki said with determination as he walked towards the boy’s community showers and bath house.

When the hot water hit his skin, he felt a sense of calm. It wasn’t the same as the warmth of Kirishima’s blankets. It was better. The water and hot steam completely engulfed him in relaxation. The water washed away not only the dirt and grime, but also some of the tense feelings. For a moment, he felt at ease.

As Katsuki walked out the bathing area now fully clothed and dried, he made his way back to his room. He stood there, staring at the knob until he felt he was ready. Once he opened the door, the emotions hit him once again. Like a wave of sadness washed over his entire body. Finally, he stepped in.

First things first. Open up these windows. Let out that disgusting air filled with spoiled curry and sad emotions. When Katsuki took a breath a fresh air, he felt so alive. Much better than he has in days.

Now, we gotta move stuff. Katsuki picked up his dirty laundry and put it in his closet to wash later. He moved all his presents up off the floor and onto the bed. He swepted all the dead petals and toss them in his trash can. He threw out all the ruined candles and sprayed the room with air fresheners. He fixed up his bed and placed the picture frame back on his now cleaned nightstand. Next to it, a lit candle that smelled of caramel.

Katsuki took a seat at his desk. He was back to thinking about Y/N and all that he could do to win her back. As he checked his clock, he realized just how late it was. Kirishima came back to him at the end of class and training which was around 6. He spent an hour talking to Katsuki, and then Katsuki spent 4 hours cleaning himself and his room. It was 11:00 now. Way past his usual bed time. He’ll figure things out in the morning.

Katsuki smiled to himself as he layed in his own bed. He was finally on the right track again and one step closer to getting his teddy bear back. He turned to the picture frame, and grabbed onto it, hugging it while he slept. Katsuki was getting better but he wasn’t whole again. He needed Y/N to help him sleep alright, so holding the picture at night will have to do. He couldn’t wait till he woke up in the morning. Tomorrow he had school, he’ll get to see Y/N’s beautiful face for the first time in awhile, but before that, you bet your ass he’s waking up extra early to come up with a plan.

——————————————————————————

The next morning

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *click!*

The blonde smacked his alarm button before he rose up and stretched his body. Today was the day. He’s gets to see Y/N again. Bakugou just sits in place staring at nothing. Just taking 2 minutes to regain full consciousness. Once he’s set, he’s up and getting ready. It’s 4 in the morning now, so he begins to strategize.

Katsuki is pulling out easels and white boards. Pulling out notebooks and writing down facts. What Y/N is interested in, her favorite hobbies and foods, where she likes to spend her time, what she could need help with that Bakugou could assist her with. He’s also writing down the highlights of their relationship and what she seemed to enjoy best about him. He’ll be keeping that as a reference for when he needs to reassess on how he should treat her better. He will do better this time. That’s a promise to himself and you.

After half an hour of slightly struggling, he reaches out for help. Now at 4:30 a.m, here was the blonde knocking at his best friend’s door.

Rock music is blasting, sweat is flying everywhere and punches are being thrown at a hero. Not just any hero, Crimson Riot! As Kirishima continues to spar with his idol, he’s interrupted by a banging sound.

*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*

“The hell?” The younger red head says. Soon his idol began to fade away.

“Crimson Riot! Hey are you okay sir?!” But it was too late, the man was gone. Now the whole room was waving around. Did Kirishima accidentally mistake his giant jug of water for vodka or something? Soon he was left in nothing but a black abyss. And then....he fell!

“Shitty hair.....Ei....KIRISHIMA!”

“AH!” The red head screamed as he shot up from the bed, head-butting his best friend right then and there. Great, a perfect dream. Ruined.

“Ah, shit!” Bakugou said in pain as he held his now throbbing forehead. “What the fuck?”

“That’s my line Bakugou,” the red head sighed, “Did you break into my room? Jeez man, what the fuck? What are you doing here at.....4:38 a.m?!?!? DUDE!”

“I know, my bad okay? But..I could use some help.” Bakugou whispered the last part so Kirishima had no idea what this man just said.

“What bro?” Kirishima asked.

“I said....I could use some help.” The blonde repeated.

“C’mon man, you’re gonna have to speak u-“

“I need your help, alright?!” Bakugou finally said. Kirishima sighed. His bro really couldn’t wait until later?

“Bakugou, you know I’m always down to help you out but this is too early man. Can we just-“ the blonde quickly added on to what he was previously saying.

“Please.”

Kirishima’s eyes shot open after he closed them to drift off back to sleep. Did the Katsuki Bakugou just ask for help by saying please? This must be extremely important.

“......alright. You got me, I’m up. But if I’m gonna be up at 4 in the morning, others are gonna be helping us too.” Kirishima bargained.

“But-“ Kirishima cut him off

“But nothing. Besides, I’m drowsy in the morning so I wouldn’t really focus all that well. And we’re just going to the people we can trust.” The red head explained.

“Fine.” The blonde gave in. So there they went, gathering the other members of the Bakusquad (minus Y/N) to help Bakugou win back his girl.

As the 4 sleepy heads sat down on Bakugou’s floor infront of the whiteboard he wrote on, The blonde began to explain some of his plans.

“So I was thinking of treating her real nice all day until she takes me back and we become friends again, eventually leading to our relationship, but then I realized she’d be into a fake me and we all know I can’t pull the nice guy act forever. Then I thought I’d spoil her with all of the things she desires, but money can’t buy you love. So I thought I could-“ Katsuki quickly noticed the long period of silence other than his voice.

There, were his 4 friends sleeping in a dog pile in the middle of his dorm room floor, completely ignoring everything he’s been saying.

Bakugou sighed and grabbed a small “heroes weekly” issue sitting on his desk, rolled it up, and wacked his friends in their heads.

“You idiots...WAKE THE FUCK UP!” Ahh, welcome back Gremlin Bakugou.

As his friends came back from the dead, they all complained.

“Aww c’mon Bakugou. We’ve been at this for an hour already, it’s 5:40.” Sero said while yawning.

“I don’t care. You idiots offered to help so here you are.” Bakugou said while turning to face the board again.

“We didn’t offer shit!” The bakusquad simultaneously replied.

Mina let out a groan while rubbing her eyes open, “Look Bakugou. We really want you and Y/N to be happy together, we really do, but maybe it’s for the best if you guys don-“ Mina was cut off by Denki slapping his hand over her mouth.

As she looked at her electric friend, she saw a nervous expression on his face. She followed his gaze and saw the back of an angry and almost insane looking and shaking Bakugou.

Hearing Mina say that he should let Y/N go triggered something in his brain. But hearing her say they wanted the couple back together enlightened him too. His mind got the two mixed up.

‘Everyone wants us back together. Not just me. So...then we are back together. Yeah. Y/N is still mine’ the now insane blonde thought to himself.

“....Ok well, time to go, get some sleep, see you idiots in the morning!” Bakugou said while pushing the group out of his room. Once they made it over the threshold, he slammed the door.

With an insane plan in mind, Bakugou checked the time and saw he could take at least a good hour long nap before he had to get ready to leave for school. And that’s exactly what he did. So he jumped into the covers, grabbing onto the picture and drifted off into sleep.

——————————————————————————

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *click!*

Bakugou’s alarm rang once more, and again, he slammed it shut. He stretched, got up outta bed and changed into his uniform. That power nap really well rested him, but it also must’ve fucked up his brain even more.

‘And now it’s time to go see my beautiful girlfriend,’ he thought to himself.

After Mina’s comments last night, it hit Bakugou with a great realization. Everyone wanted him and Y/N back together. Not just him. So why not give everybody what they want? Sure maybe Y/N might not completely want it but she’ll learn how to love Bakugou again. Everyone’s happy. And so, Bakugou was convinced that him and Y/N were back together.

At breakfast, Bakugou ran down to already see the Squad up and eating.

“Why the hell do you losers look like death?” He asked while grabbing a cup for his orange juice.

“Well we were all trying to sleep, but after what happened this morning, we couldn’t.” Mina explained.

“What happened this morning? There was nothing big except you guys helping me out.” Kirishima really couldn’t believe it. Had his dear friend not even notice his weird ass trigger moment earlier?

“Alright whatever. Anyway, wheres Y/N?” Bakugou asked after he finished his cup.

“Oh, she just left. She had an early breakfast and went for a quick walk.” Mina said.

“You planning on talking to her today Kacchan?” Denki questioned him.

“You damn Spark Plug, of course I’m gonna talk to my girlfriend today. Fucking idiot.” He said as he grabbed his bag and walked out the kitchen.

“.........Huh?” The entire squad was left in confusion.

‘Had they gotten back together this morning? Did she really accept him back that fast? What the fuck is going on?’ They all thought.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?” Kaminari cried out as he pulled at and scruffled his hair in confusion.

Ah Denki. Always saying what everyone is thinking but the only one ballsy enough to idiotically say it aloud.

——————————————————————————

As she walked to class, Y/N hummed a little song to herself. She enjoyed her walk as it helped clear her mind from all the recent events. Her breakup with Bakugou really took a toll on her. They were together for almost 2 years (EVER SINCE JUNIOR HIGH) so of course the split hit her hard. He accused her of cheating and burned her. So much for trust, right? Not only that, but the burn left a tiny scar. Usually, due to you having a regeneration ability as part of your quirk, Phoenix, the scar should’ve healed up. Maybe the emotional damage caused it to permanently mark itself in you. Oh well, whats done is done. And now it’s time for class.

When you walked though the door, you were expecting a normal day. Ever since the split, you usually got their a lot earlier before anyone else so you could sit, do a little reading, sketch out a little drawing, or just rest your eyes until the bell rang. Except this time, when you opened the door, someone jumped on you for a hug.

“Babe! There you are you little dumbass. Jeez, I was looking for you everywhere.” Bakugou said as he let go of the hug. “I’ve missed you, haven’t seen you in a few days.”

“Uhm, you said babe??” You spoke with a confused and shocked voice.

“Yeah, I called you babe? So what? We always call each other that. You are my girlfriend after all.” He said so casually as he walked to his seat.

THISMANSAIDWHAATTT

“Uh, Bakugou-“

“Katsuki.” He deadpanned.

“Bakugou, we broke up.” You stated while walking up to him.

“Mm...no we didn’t.” He once again so casually said.

“Wha- I- we- you-....HUH?!” You stuttered out.

“Y/N-“

“L/N!” You corrected.

“Y/N. We didn’t break up you dummy, we only had a little set back and that’s fine. All couples do. But thankfully you forgave me and we’ve moved past it,” he began as he pulled you into his lap, “besides, everyone wants us back together including us so why not make it easier for everyone.”

You began stuttering out none sense right there on his lap. You were in such shock and utter disbelief that he said all that bullshit. Well maybe he was right about one thing. Everyone did want you guys back together, including you both, but that’s besides the point! Y’all broke up! He needs to accept it.

“Baku- no- I- we-“ and before you knew it, his lips were on yours.

And for some reason, you didn’t push him away. Granted you didn’t accept it either, but you slowly melted into it. The kiss was passionate and slow. It wasn’t sloppy, it was very controlled, but it was just a lotta lip and tongue. The whole thing sent butterflies to your heart and stomach. Oh how you missed moments like these with Katsuki.

He readjusted you on his lap so that you were now straddling him. His hands travelled down to your ass as he gave it a nice squeeze, one that made you moan into the kiss. Your arms went straight to his neck to pull him in for more and he took it as an invitation to start. The kiss began to get a little rougher. More tongue and teeth, both of you extremely desperate for the touch from one another. With your cunt pressed onto his crotch, he slowly thrusted up into you as you grinded down slowly on him. You both started breathing heavier and letting out little whimpers of ecstasy. He could probably feel your now soaked panties. One hand left your ass and came around to the front. He pressed on your soaked pussy through your damp underwear and it caused shutters to go through your entire body.

You began pressing down into his hand, desperate for more friction and Bakugou noticed. He moved your panties to the side and slipped in one finger. This was rewarded with a louder moan that caused Katsuki to smile into the kiss. He knew you and your body so well. He was determined to treat you right and get you to fall for him one more time. As his finger felt around your velvet walls, he slipped in another one, receiving an even louder cry of pleasure. You broke off from the kiss to throw your head back. Katsuki saw this as an opportunity to attack your neck. To mark you up and let everyone know you still belonged to him.

“K-Katsuki. Don’t...don’t stop,” you panted.

“I won’t princess, I’ll take care of you.” He smiled.

Without warning, he shoved in 2 more fingers. You were so loud and Bakugou was so proud. You were gonna let everyone know what’s happening and he was excited.

He lifted his head to whisper into your ear as you continued to moan and sigh.

“Well aren’t you just a little slut. You want everyone to know how well daddy takes care of you? You want them to hear you scream in pleasure?” His words went straight to your cunt that was now welcoming in his 5th and final finger. Completely fisting you now, you let out loud cries.

“S-uki, .....ah, AH YES! Mm, s’too much!” You cried out. You couldn’t help it, you loved him. You knew you did. Even though what he did was wrong, your body took over and your mind turned off. You fully succumbed to his wishes.

You let your feet hit the ground to stand yourself up a little bit and fall down onto his fist, meeting the thrust of his hand moving in and out of you. Watching the show, Katsuki couldn’t help but stare in delight. His hard on growing bigger and bigger each second as he bit his lip to hold back his sounds. Watching you bounce on just his fist did something to him and brought out a feral beast. He snapped.

He pulled his fist out of your aching pussy and sat you down on his desk. He stood up infront of you and tore your delicate panties off.

“Katsuki-“ you were silenced with a smack to your ass

“That’s not my name, teddy bear. C’mon now, you know exactly what I wanna hear.” He said while caressing your thighs.

“..Yes daddy.” You bashfully said.

With a kiss to your cheek he praised you.

“Good girl.” As he began to unbuckle his belt, you looked around the classroom.

“D-daddy. Someone’s gonna see!” You cautiously stated.

Katsuki reassured you with a kiss to your lips, “We’ll be fine princess, I promise,” he said while placing his tip at your entrance. You whimpered at the thought of him inside you again, it’s been so long. You were almost nervous. That is until Katsuki place a finger under your chin so you could face him in his eyes.

“I’m gonna take care of you, so don’t worry.” And with that you slowly nodded. And he finally began to press into you.

With just his tip in, you let out a breathy moan. He was bigger than you remembered. He kept pressing and pressing until he was fully inside your warm and tight hole. You both let out a moan at the feeling of each other.

“Daddy, please move.” And he did as he was told. With a steady pace set, he thrusted himself in and out of you. Both of you moaning louder every second. While you were enveloped in the euphoric feeling, Katsuki was struggling to hold back the beast inside of him. That is until you came up to his ear.

“Fuck me like you mean it, daddy. I won’t break, I promise.” You said in his ear and Katsuki swore he could hear your smirk. Gripping your ass and continuing his pace he spoke.

“Don’t be mad when you can’t walk for the next week,” he smirked. With that, he slammed himself deeper, harder, and faster inside of you. His tip hitting your cervix. You let our screams of pure pleasure and he did the same.

“Oh yesss...shit daddy..so big..”

“F-fuck! Oh you like that? Yeah princess? ...oh shit baby your pussy takes me so well. Y-Yeah, your tight little cunt takes this big cock so fucking well,” he moved faster inside, exploring you completely. His hands went straight to your shirt and and ripped it open. You had a few buttons fly everywhere, but you didn’t care. He pushed your bra up and let one of your mounds fall into his hand. He squeezed it tight to release a generous moan from you. He then dove into the valley of breast to mark your chest. You held onto the back of his head and tugged at his hair and he growled at he feeling, enjoying every second of it.

“Oh yess princess just like that. S-shit. Oh fuck yes...oh you’re mine,” he went deeper inside as he spoke.

“Fuck! Daddy yes! Right t-there! Oh my god..yess,” you cried out.

“Can you feel that. Oh fuck, can you feel my dick in your gut?” He moaned out. Katsuki went to grip the edge of his desk as you kept your hold around his neck, causing him to somehow move faster. He went up to taste your lips once more

“I love you....so much princess...you hear me...Mm, your mine,” he said between kisses and ended with a smack to your now red ass.

His words had you squeezing his cock. He knew what was coming.

“Aww, is princess gonna cum? You gonna cum on daddy’s dick?” He teased.

“Mm...p-please daddy. Please let me cum,” you said while throwing your head back. Katsuki only smirked at this.

“Not yet~” he pulled out of you, leaving you a whiny mess.

“N-no! Daddy please! Please let me finish,” you said while holding onto his shoulders, inches away from his face, pressing your chest to his. Your words caused his “little” friend to grow even harder and Katsuki only smirked and looked down at you.

“Dont worry teddy bear, Daddy’s not done with you yet.” He yanked you off the desk and pressed you down onto it, with your chest to the desk. Then he slammed back into you, returning to the fast pace again.

“Fuck yeah..oh god look at this ass. Nice and round, all red for me,” he said while pounding into you.

He gave your ass a good few smacks, countered with a thrust each harder than the last before going to lay his chest on top of you to whisper in your ear.

“You wanna be a good girl for daddy? Huh, teddy bear?” He asked.

“Mmm, yes! Yes I’ll be good, just please!” You cried out. He reached his hand over to rub on your clit. Your body began to shake with pleasure.

“Then cum with me.....NOW,” he said, and that was all it took for you to release the white liquid. As you came you could feel his hot release filling you up to the brim. He cried out in pure pleasure while you did the same.

You both stayed in that position for a bit, and you could feel the mixture of both your release dripping down your inner thighs. Soon, you felt Katsuki lower himself to kiss your neck.

“You did so good princess.” He calmly said to you. It was relieving, and you loved the sound of his voice, but you couldn’t help but feel a little off at this whole ordeal.

Katsuki pulled out of you and watched how his cum covered and filled your entire pussy. He smiled at the sight and went to grabbed some tissue on Aizawa’s desk to clean you and himself up.

He tucked himself back into his pants and you rebuttoned your shirt the best you could and flipped your skirt back down. Since Katsuki tore your panties you’d have to go commando at least until you got back to your room. You watched as Katsuki went to throw away the tissues and your torn underwear into the trash can. When he made his way back to you, he held you in his arms and attempted to kiss you. But you turned away.

“Hey teddy be-“

“No, Katsuki. Please don’t call me that.” You said while looking down. Katsuki felt his heart hurt a little. You’re always gonna be his teddy bear, why would he ever stop calling you that?

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked you.

“Us. This. Katsuki, what happened today should not have happened.” You said

“What?” He was so confused and a little hurt.

As tears start to fill your eyes, you did everything you could to not let them fall. “Suki, we broke up. You accused me of cheating, you burned me! So for us to come in here and just have sex like nothing happened is wrong.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry for what happened. Seriously, after what I did it destroyed me. But please listen, I lov-“ you cut him off again.

“I know!.....I know you do Katsuki.....and I love you too Suki. So much,” this brought a smile to his face. A true, genuine smile that you loved so dearly.

“But I’m scared.” You added on. This made Katsuki’s smile drop, worry and concern fill his eyes.

“Of what exactly?” He asked you while gently holding onto your hand.

“.....You.” This shocked him. His own teddy bear feared him. Heartbreaking.

“I’m scared of the lack of trust that you have for me. And not only that, but your quirk too. Katsuki I know you’re one of the best students here at UA, but I know you’re emotions can get out of hand too. It’s clear that when you’re not in control of your feelings, your quirk can lash out. The evidence is right here,” you turned you arm that he was holding to show him the scar he left on you.

Now this really hurt Katsuki. He loved marking you with his love, not with his anger. The fact that he did that to you sent his mind into a frenzy. Until he felt your touch on his cheek.

Holding onto his cheek with your soft hands, you spoke reassuring words. “Katsuki, you were right about two things. I do want us to be together again and I do forgive you,” and with that, Katsuki leaned into your touch. Holding onto your hand that held his face, he released a single tear he didn’t know he was holding and closed his eyes in relief and satisfaction.

“But I can’t be with you again.” Your words caused him to open his eyes and stare at you in shock and fear. “At least...not yet.”

Whew, his heart rate went back down. Oh the rollar coaster of emotions this poor boy was currently on.

“Yet?” He asked hopefully.

“Suki, I’m still trying to fix myself, and it’s clear that you need to fix yourself too. I really want to be with you, but we both need time to grow for each other. I can’t leave you. I know for sure that in my heart, you’re always gonna be the one I run back to, but I don’t want to run back to someone who could possibly hurt me again. I want to come back to you knowing that when we are together again, our relationship is secured.” You explained.

A silence filled the air. You both stared at each other for what felt like forever. Nobody else in the world. Just you and him. He then pulled you in for a tight hug. As he held onto you, you could feel hot tears hitting your shoulder, and quiet sobs left his voice along with a hitched breath every now and then. Katsuki was crying.

“....I promise you. I’m gonna get better for you. I’m gonna be worthy of you and your love and it’ll stay that way for the rest of our lives. You and me. Together. Im gonna do whatever it takes to get you back and I won’t stop at anything until you’re mine again. I swear I’ll treat you better than I ever did before. As long as I know that you’re coming back to me and me only, I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes teddy bear.” He said into your neck with his arms tightly wrapped around your waist.

“I know you will Suki. And I promise I won’t make you wait too long.” You said while hugging him back.

“You better not.” The blonde said.

“Don’t forget though, I’m always yours. And just yours.” You reassured him.

“......Can we at least make this a little easier for me and say we didn’t split. We’re just on a break. A small break?” He said, now looking directly in your eyes while still holding onto you.

You put his worries at ease with your gentle smile. “The smallest break, Suki.” You softly laughed as you both went back in for another hug.

“........I like it better when you call me daddy,” the damn devil said while smiling.

“Shut up you horny idiot.” You chuckled.

‘I can’t wait to be yours again,’ you both thought

You both stayed there in each other’s embraces until the world faded away. It was just you and him. Together. You were both no longer lost. You weren’t at your destination yet, but you were on the right tracks. One step closer to each other. One step closer to love.

A/N: There’s still a little more I wanna add to the story, so there will be a part 3 to close this little short story. Sorry if there were any spelling mistakes. Thank you guys so much for the love and support. As a new writer I never expected to grow so quickly so I truly love each and every one of you bear cubs! Sorry this was so long, I hope you enjoyed! 💗🧸

#bakugou angst #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou scenarios #bakugou x you #bakugou thirst #bakugou imagine #bakugo angst #bakugou fanfiction #bhna bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x y/n #bakugou smut #mha #mha fanfiction #mha x reader #mha bakugou #mha angst #bnha #bnha angst #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #bnha bakugou #my hero x reader #my hero academy fanfiction #my hero academia #bakugou fluff #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader

[bigilante]

— 𝕤𝕖𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗 ❣ 𝕙.𝕠

⌜mature content • minors do not interact⌟

「 contents: mature language + handjob ━━━━━ word count: 2.4k 」

: a.n : hiya! it's been long since i last posted something but here i am! this is my entry for @worldoftom's lolbrosgetsicktoo writing challenge. be gentle with me please, i'm really awkward writing in second person but i really wanted to make this gender-neutral.

: prompt : Harrison injures his right hand. He’s sexually frustrated, and his left hand just isn’t doing the job. Reader notices something is up with her poor roommate, and asks if there’s anything she can do to help. Even though they haven’t been anything more than friends up to this point, reader offers to “give him a hand,” or whatever of her other body parts he likes.

For two weeks Harrison had had his right hand clasped in a splint from taking a rather nasty fall from his skateboard. The night he had come home from the park with his jeans ripped on the knees and his hand clutched to his chest you hadn’t wasted a second to start taking the piss out of him at the clear picture of him eating shit at the skatepark but when he let out a pained groan after trying to take his jacket off your laughter died down and worry settled on the pit of your stomach.

His hand turned out to be badly sprained and well, the next couple of weeks had been spent in him trying to navigate his days with his non-dominant hand and with the initial panic of your roommate hurting himself gone you resumed the lighthearted piss-taking. Although he laughed with you at the jokes you made you could see how it really bugged him that he wasn’t as useful and agile with his right hand being in mandatory rest. “Told you, H. Whatever you have trouble with I can give you a hand.” You reminded him waving both your hands in front of you in a somewhat mocking manner.

“Yeah, heard you the first time.” He grumbled while struggling to button up his dress shirt. “Damn it.” The blonde cursed under his breath when his fingers seemed to not be working properly. That was enough for you to put your cup of tea down on the breakfast bar to walk up to him taking over the task he was growing frustrated with. He sighed defeated, letting his hands drop to his sides allowing you to close his shirt for him.

“Really, Harrison. I don’t mind helping you out.” The reassurance prompted Harrison to nod in understanding, running his fingers through his hair clearly irked by his situation. As if after you repeating it ninety-nine times before hadn’t sunk into his brain until the hundredth. “There you go, all done.” You patted his chest a couple of times then stepped back away from him to grab your mug again watching him leave the flat in a hurry after thanking you. You had been joking about what happened to him but you really felt bad for him, Harrison was a very active and independent guy who rarely asked for help and now that he was close to useless at doing simple tasks you could see how much it troubled him.

In the evening when he returned home he headed directly to the bathroom barely uttering a greeting back when you welcomed him, the sound of the running water splashing around let you know he was running a bath, you sighed at the fact that he had beaten you to run one for yourself though you were still busy making dinner for the both of you you didn’t duel much on it. About thirty minutes had passed since he went in for his bath and you figured it’ll be enough time for him to be about done with it to come out and eat, hence you walking up to the end of the hallway to knock on the door to make him aware that the food was ready.

However, the noise of water splashing a bit too aggressively accompanied by Harrison’s angry cursing made you believe something was wrong. With not much time to think you tried for the door and found it unlocked, swinging it open swiftly. “Are you okay!?” You asked in a panic, eyes wide when you saw the walls dripping and the floor flooded with soapy water. “Are you hurt?” You insisted, daring to step inside the room, bare feet coming in contact with the wet ground making comical splashing sounds.

“Yeah-no. I just…” He frantically tried to gather the few bubbles that floated on the scarcely-filled tub, bringing them closer to his body to cover himself a little.

“You just what, H?” Your voice still held concern and he noticed, finally looking up at you with seemingly pleading eyes. “You need help with your back or what is it?”

“No, y/n.” He huffed, brushing his wet hair back with his splinted hand wincing a little with the action. “This time you really can’t help me, alright? Just, let me get dressed.”

“Harrison, I told you I don’t mind help—” You started but was soon cut by the blonde’s voice rising above his usual level.

“I need a wank! That’s what I need. And my fucking left hand ain’t cutting it anymore.” Harrison blurted out a bit worked up, breathing heavily with cheeks burning hot showing in a bright crimson colour that stood out against his milky skin. Your mouth closed immediately after he acknowledged his problem, a warmth crept up your neck settling comfortably on the apples of your cheeks as your fingers toyed aimlessly with the hem of your oversized bed t-shirt. He wasn’t looking at you anymore, he had thrown his head back on the edge of the tub and covered his eyes with his injured hand while the other was under the water.

The way the muscles of his arm were flexed made the heat of your cheeks travelled to new places that could be labelled as inappropriate. Boldly, you stepped further into the room your steps marked by the sloppy meeting of them with the soaked tiles, not knowing exactly how you conjured the confidence to do so. “I-I don’t mind... helping,” You stuttered out, stopping right by his side. Wide eyes hanging on the young man’s hidden face that was instantly revealed as soon as those words left your lips.

“What!? Don’t be silly, y/n. I could never ask you to do that.” He sat up, making starts to get up but you stopped him by placing a hand on his bare shoulder keeping him inside the tub.

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.” You gave him a sincere smile, irises dancing between his crystal clear ones as you waited for him to accept or decline your proposal. Harrison’s teeth clenched as he swallowed thickly making his jawline look even sharper. When he delayed in giving you an answer you felt as if you had overstepped his boundaries and panic began to invade you fast.

“Okay.” He agreed with a nearly imperceptible wobble in his voice. “But don’t look at it. It’ll make me feel less guilty if you don’t know what it looks like.” The chuckle he let out was nervous and awkward, causing you to match it with one of your own as you nodded your head.

“Okay, I won’t look.” You declared, pressing your lips together before sinking to your knees right beside the bathtub sitting comfortably on your folded legs. Taking in a deep breath you reached for his left forearm with your right hand, eyes focused on the edge of the porcelain trying your best not to look down as you let your hand trail down his arm ultimately meeting his own hand under the lukewarm water. “Let go.” In a soft voice, you requested. Harrison exhaled through his nose prompting you to shift your gaze from the tub to his face, sending him a reassuring nod and a faint smile, those sufficient for him let you hold him inhaling a tad sharply when you did.

With your hand now wrapped around his girth, you started to give him slow and long rubs with a fairly firm grip. Since your eyes were still on him you saw him sigh, momentarily closing his eyes with the first few strokes, his lips pressed together as he breathed through each caress you provided. It was hypnotising seeing him in that way: head thrown back, eyes closed, flushed face, brows pinched together; adding to all of that he was completely naked and splattered with water droplets. Your tongue darted out to wet your suddenly dry lips, swallowing thickly at the scene in front of you, subconsciously your grasp on the man’s erection tightened enough to make him let out an involuntary moan that echoed throughout the tiled room, travelling through your ears and finding a new home deep inside your brain.

Again, —you thought— do it again. You now craved his pleasure noises, with a new goal you lifted yourself from your sitting position back into your knees so you could move your arm at a faster pace, wrist twisting every now and again succeeding at drawing more moans out of your roommate. A whimper left your throat when your arm started to grow tired from the motion and the pressure of the ceramic edge underneath it prompting Harrison’s eyes to shoot open and you swore you felt him twitch against your palm. “S-sorry, my arm got sore.” You let out an embarrassed laugh when your eyes met his, your whole face burning hot.

The aching of your arm combined itself with the soreness of your knees forcing you to stand up and let go of Harrison in the process, with little time to think twice you swung your leg over the edge of the bathtub soon followed by the other before you found a comfortable new position straddling the blonde’s bare thighs. The weight of you coming into the water raised the level of it, permitting it to soak the bottom half of your top, Harrison’s eyes never left your figure as you moved that much closer to him, his stomach was a little sucked in as if he was holding in his breath. “Is this okay?” You quizzed, noting that you sitting on him might be too much.

“Ye-yeah.” He breathed out in a hurry. You proceeded to resume your ministrations now with a better angle and an additional hand to give your right one a minute of rest. The movement of the water around you both and Harrison’s heavy breathing was the only things that could be heard in the bathroom of your quiet flat. The view was intoxicating; chiselled chest heaving, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, jaw slacked, pink lips parted and eyes screw shut. You found it next to impossible to reap your gaze from the guy in front of you, the way he was reacting to your touch was rapidly becoming your favourite thing and you wanted more of him, your thighs tightened over his when he let out a particularly loud moan and you had to blink a few times to try and restore your morality without much success.

“Are you close?” Your voice filled the air around you, it surprised both of you for you didn’t know you had it in you to ask such a question when you were trying to keep your composure in front of the man. Harrison’s eyes were half-opened and on you the second you asked, the intensity of them draw you in closer and closer to his face until your forehead was pressed against his tentatively. Soon his healthy hand was back under the water only this time it landed on your bare thigh gripping it tightly, the simple touch causing your breath to match his ragged one, mixing together from the close proximity of your faces.

“Fuck, don’t stop.” Harrison ordered with a deep groan as his body began to tense up underneath you. You took the cue and doubled your efforts with both your hands subconsciously whispering encouragements eliciting louder moans from him. His poorly hand came up to cup the back of your neck, holding you in place —as if you really had the intention to move away— while his high very evidently approached. “Fuck, y/n.” The blue-eyed boy moaned in your face luring a whine out of your throat at the sound of your name being called in such a way.

“Cum for me,” You encouraged him, nudging his nose with yours silently prompting him to look at you, and he did. Hooded eyes fixed on yours mere centimetres away that you could feel his lips ghosting over your own teasingly, warm breath fanning over them. “Harri, c’mon.” A whisper was all you could manage at that moment. Your own throat had grown dry and you had to suppress the mewls that threatened to leave your chest when you started to feel his cock twitching in your hands. A loud grunt got stuck in the man’s throat the moment he toppled over the edge, his length spasming in your grip as you so clearly sensed it unload under the now cool water, the temperature of the liquids contrasting against your skin when his seed landed on your hands as it sank.

Harrison’s body shuddered with each slow stroke you gave him to help him ride his orgasm, moans continued to fall from his parted lips. He swallowed, finally releasing your neck from the clasp to be able to relax back in the tub letting out a long and deep sigh of content. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed the moment he pulled away but it was for the best, you couldn’t be wishing for him to do something for you when you were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself.

That was when it hit you, the position you were in wasn’t appropriate at all, it didn’t matter how willing you were to be his second self surely giving him manual relief was a step too far. So with overwhelming shame, you let go of him, leaning to the side to take hold of the edge of the tub, pulling yourself up to your feet in a daze. The water that dripped down from your soaked t-shirt far too noisy in your ears as they buzzed with the adrenaline that still coursed through your body, the wet fabric sticking to your skin making you self-aware that it was now see-through so you hurried to the railing stuck to the wall and grabbed one of the towels, quickly wrapping it around your waist.

Embarrassed, you started for the door, holding the doorknob ready to leave the room, “Di-dinner’s ready.” You acknowledged shyly, the tremble in your voice giving your remorse away. You frantically shuffled on your feet stepping out of the room and closing the door behind you. There was a weird feeling in the pits of your stomach, you knew you felt embarrassed of what had just happened yet, that wasn’t it, it was almost like a craving. A craving for his touch and that made the shame feel ten times worse. You marched to your room locking yourself in, forgetting about your dinner plate that was sitting on the kitchen counter, your hunger long gone. Though, despite the mortification, there was a new much problematic sort of appetite tingling deep inside you and the throbbing between your legs made it much too hard to ignore.

【 thank you so much for reading! ♡ please, consider reblogging and letting me know what you thought of this piece ♡ 】

: permanent taglist : @hazardosterfield @missnxthingg @marshall1199 @katexrichardson @heyafellows @alrightythenbabe @softholand @yeeyeeitsme12589 @etheralholland @aidinniram @hollandosterfieldfangirl @justasmisunderstoodasloki @just-lost-inbetween-worlds @hazofmyheart @holyfrickfracks @cherryxholland @angeliquekalampoka @theliterarymess @blowing-mikey @annathesillyfriend

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[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

walls - a close reading

okay, first of all. this one was hard. this one was complex. at times i was like ??? and !!! about these lyrics, especially because they can mean so much all at once. they tell so many stories. so i guess that this is my disclaimer that if you absolutely disagree and your own interpretation is way different, then you should own it and hold on tight to it bc who is a random stranger on the internet to tell you what to feel about a song by your fave, right????? alright. let’s fucking go and see where this takes us

there is a cut, bc this is a long one. i get into louis’s references to oasis, mention possible parallels to his as well as others’ earlier work, and try to wrap my head around walls’ message as a whole, basically. open at your own risk

walls, track 6

TITLE SONG. - statement: this is what the album is about, this ties everything together

6th song on the album: last of the first half - lot of personal struggles in that first half: devil in my brain, please kill my fucking overactive mind, kept me living, prison of a past life, doing better, life gets hard, driving to something better, don’t give up, we made it, waving to the hard times, what i could’ve become, i gave in to the pressure etc etc etc last warning are you sure you wanna get into this

Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone

literally, but also figuratively: a wake-up call

“you” - general you, referring to himself

loneliness on walls: “but i’ll leave a message so i’m not alone”, “even when i’m on my own” in two of us (not the same kind of loneliness, necessarily: grief can make you feel very alone, no matter how many ppl are around you. but worth mentioning) + “i still felt alone” - always you

And all that’s left of us is a cupboard full of clothes

breakup feel - “us”

cupboard?! who keeps their clothes in a cupboard? is that a tourbus thing? is that an inside joke? 

or is it a reference to the closet? 

implication of shared clothes, shared “closet” - domestic

The day you walked away and took the higher ground Was the day that I became the man that I am now

they were in a bad place, they were fighting immaturely, implied by “higher ground” - it was getting nasty and the other person left

key moment in growing up, in the past. L doesn’t seem too remorseful about it anymore bc it was for the better - hardest shit in processing everything that happened is behind him

the shit that happened between “us” caused personal growth and that’s what this song is about - focus is on L, on the “I”

But these high walls, they came up short

“higher ground” - “high walls”: the other person walked away and took the high road, but that meant avoiding the conversation, the confrontation, anything involving sharing their emotions ⟶ that’s what L can finally see now

“high” - “short”: antithesis. simply some nice writing

who put up these walls? “you”? or louis? both? 

walls = emotional blockades. in louis’s words: “not letting your guard down for anyone, until you meet that certain person and then you have the confidence to, kind of, let people in” - so definitely that sense of finding the one, and that person saving L from being stuck in his mind, not being open ---- the layers ! !!?

Now I stand taller than them all

“now”: the walls used to tower over him, lock him in, limit him

I conquered that shit

These high walls could never break my soul And I, I watched them all come falling down I watched them all come falling down for you, for you

again with the (soul) almost breaking, again with the shit that nearly killed MY MAN can he spare my emotions for a sec

powerful, though: “could never”: he stands STRONG.

“watched”: wasn’t actively breaking them down himself? was simply watching it happen? - confident, again. self-possessed  

also “watched” like: it just happened naturally. thanks to “you”, because you help me to my guard down, to stop guarding my heart

is this “you” the same one that walked out? 

Nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love  And no amount of words will ever be enough 

the song right after too young’s: “i’m sorry that i hurt you darling”, “looking back a lot lately”, “we can finally have the conversation” and “trying to find some better words to say” so that definitely ties in to one another

I looked you in the eyes, saw that I was lost 

“eyes”: honest, romantic

lost inside your eyes?

“i was lost” like louis just kill me it would hurt less. anyways, positive: it’s in the past. he was lost: he was hurt emotionally, he was being influenced by people putting too much pressure on him, he was misled by people who told him shit that was not in his best interest, that made him lock up his heart and act without listening to it (which are things we learned in the previous songs)

the eyes of his lover that form a mirror - the most honest view

For every question why, you were my because

i mean honestly are you kidding me. this is the most romantic shit ever. for every question why??????? you were my because?????????????!! me and who and also when fuck

“you” = purpose in life, moral compass

So this one is a thank you for what you did to me Why is it that “thank you”s are so often bittersweet?

little bit sinister? “you” walked out and took the higher ground (which is what louis is referencing here, i assume) and that’s what changed louis for the better

“bittersweet”: they haven’t resolved their shit yet, bc louis has grown and won, but he’s also lost in the process bc of the personal struggles, the time lost, the growing apart, or even “you” still not being in his life 

this makes me think “you” is a layered concept in this song - multiple interpretations:

you is the love of his life, his home, his anchor - someone still in his life right now

you is someone he was close with in the past and shared close living spaces with, as well, that he fell out with and that hasn’t been resolved yet (yk who i’m thinking of)

I just hope I see you one day, and you say to me ooh

(chorus)

they don’t see each other - or at least they didn’t when louis wrote this song

“and you say to me: these high walls came up short”

L expects the other person to come around, get on his level, let the walls come down too

anon who asked about this line in particular - how the lyric could also be “and you say to me, “oh, oh”” like it is on genius. in the official album booklet, however, it just says it like i wrote it above. in any case, i don’t think it changes the meaning much? it generally feels like louis just wants the other person to show some form of emotion

Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone

we’ll end just like we started

full circle: the story is finished? it’s a closed chapter? or (more likely): it’s not over yet, bc the song might as well start over again

sense of bitterness, too 

SYNTHESIS

Louis asked permission to cite writing credits to Noel Gallagher on Walls for inspiration taken from some of Oasis’s songs (thanks to @bluewinnerangel​ for bringing this to my attention in the first place!! this is essential background knowledge in understanding this song and album as a whole tbh)

“Louis Tomlinson has added Noel Gallagher as a songwriter on his Walls track.

The former One Direction star - who is releasing an album of the same name on 31 January 2020 - asked the ex-Oasis rocker’s permission to lift elements of the Manchester band’s classic tracks Stop Crying Your Heart Out, Cast No Shadow and Acquiesce on his new single.”

Acquiesce’s lyrics, the chorus of which is heavily echoed by Walls’ chorus:

I don’t know what it is that makes me feel alive I don’t know how to wake the things that sleep inside I only wanna see the light that shines behind your eyes

I hope that I can say the things I wish I’d said // finally have the conversation (...) trying to find some better words to say - too young // defenceless To sing my soul to sleep and take me back to bed Who wants to be alone when we can feel alive instead // never coming down with your hand in mine - wmi

Because we need each other We believe in one another And I know we’re going to uncover What’s sleeping in our soul

Cast No Shadow:

Here’s a thought for every man Who tries to understand what is in his hands // too young to know we had everything, wish i could have seen it all along // habit He walks along the open road of love and life // we’re driving down a one-way road - wmi // fearless Surviving if he can // don’t you let it kill you

Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say // too young // defenceless Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay // a prison of a past life - kmm // fearless As he faced the sun he cast no shadow // bc he shines so bright

As they took his soul they stole his pride (Pride)

Stop Crying Your Heart Out (the intro of which has definitely been copied (heh) for Copy of a Copy of a Copy’s intro) and the whole thing in terms of message is just DLIBYH (and i always hear L echoing this song as him directing it at H yk cry with me)

Don’t be scared You’ll never change what’s been and gone  May your smile  Shine on Your destiny may keep you warm

‘Cause all of the stars Are fading away Just try not to worry You’ll see them someday Take what you need And be on your way And stop crying your heart out

Get up  Come on  Why’re you scared? (I'm not scared)

We’re all of us stars We’re fading away Just try not to worry You’ll see us someday

Music video: direct reference to Live Forever clip by Oasis, which features Liam Gallagher sitting on a chair that’s attached to a wall, just like the one Louis sits on (see post linked down below for further parallels between these clips and other Oasis trickery). Considered an “optimistic ballad”, it’s definitely a clear, purposeful message by Louis: despite everything, we’re getting up and going on. 

Just some more lyrics that have the same feeling Louis created on Walls: 

Lately, did you ever feel the pain // i can ease the pain - kmm In the morning rain As it soaks you to the bone? // dlibyh

Maybe I just wanna fly // now i stand taller than them all - walls Wanna live, I don’t wanna die // kept me living - kmm, waving to the hard times - wmi Maybe I just wanna breathe Maybe I just don’t believe Maybe you’re the same as me We see things they’ll never see // if they could see us now - wmi You and I are gonna live forever

Maybe I will never be All the things that I wanna be // what i could’ve become - we made it Now is not the time to cry // dlibyh Now’s the time to find out why // looking back - too young

shit hurts sometimes but we acknowledge it and let it make us live life even better / us against the world / reflecting on the past and on who you are and fighting for what you stand for / we fucking know what’s up and that’s why life is ours for the taking

It’s clear that Louis takes a lot of inspiration from Oasis and the Gallaghers (especially Liam) in general, since he’s always been a massive fan of theirs and clearly, for obvious reasons, finds recognition in their art and style. This post by @bluewinnerangel​ should shine an even brighter light on that. During Louis’s solo career, he’s mirrored his style to Liam’s and has also been working with Charlie Lightening, a filmmaker who has also worked with Liam Gallagher. 

In Oasis’s lyrics there is a general sense of ease with the self, with reality, the past and what’s to come. Really, these English lads know how to own up to their emotions and still come off as effortlessly cool in that shy but confident way that is also exactly what Louis does and I?? have been taking notes for years now. Now, before I get entirely sidetracked: Louis has purposely echoed this band and these specific songs in Walls as an album and as a track. This is the sound Louis wants his solo career to have, this is the message he wants to put out, but perhaps in an even gentler way (bc let’s be honest those Gallagher boys aren’t that accessible compared to Louis and I think Louis’s general down-to-earthness is one of his best assets). Here are my emotions, here’s what’s on my mind, the world’s shit sometimes but it is what it is, all we can do is love and do our best to be aware of what’s right in front of us. 

That last part is precisely what Louis has learned in his years writing on Walls. The story he’s telling us is that he’s gone through periods/a time where he didn’t realise the worth of what he had. That he didn’t stick to the simple truths in life: love above all matters. And that we can’t run away from our emotions.

‘Acquiesce’ also means to accept, which is also a heavy theme on Walls: the acceptance of what has happened in the past, and moving past it, but using it to your advantage. Accepting that it’s all part of life.

Walls clearly references a specific story, a specific time in Louis’s life where he went through something that changed him forever. Whatever this event may be, the song’s message clearly reaches beyond that and pulls from multiple learning experiences that Louis has been through in his life so far. Whether it be purely personally, with a friend, family or in his love life. The key message is that he’s learned to open up, deal with his emotions and what has happened properly - like a grown-up, like someone who possesses himself and has confidence in what he knows and feels. 

The music video for Walls - directed by Charlie Lightening - is definitely way too interesting not to mention here. There’s Louis on that chair against that wall, which is the Oasis reference. “You and I are gonna live forever.” Louis in the desert. There’s a single door, which to me is a Steal My Girl reference (the one Harry walked through, also in a desert); a door as a harsh border between two contrasting spaces (brightly lit desert vs dark ballroom, outside vs inside), transitional movement. Louis surrounded by mirrors, him having a good look at himself + “reflecting” on everything. Louis in that ballroom, wearing a suit, alone, surrounded by heterosexual couples. Louis on stage. Surrounded by hooded people in masks, in a red glow. In front of a wall of fire. Louis on the floor in the middle of a target, spinning. Louis joining a lineup in the spotlights four, then three, other figures. 

Obviously, there are parallels to be found with many works of art, as this music video has done a really good job in being as complicated as possible. Don’t we love Louis for that. I even feel like the tv series Twin Peaks is referenced. The most blatant parallel is with Harry’s Lights Up mv, though, and here is a post that will make that super clear. From the lighting to the shot sequence: these videos have been aligned to reference one another and there’s no way around it. The menaces that are husbands love nothing more than to cross-reference and then shrug like we’re hallucinating it all. But we’re here and WE CAN SEE YOU

Louis then also doesn’t fail to insert some One Direction for us, with first the Steal My Girl echo and then the unmistakeable representation of the other members, with the painful disappearance of one of them. 

With all of this in the music video, it’s safe to say the song is layered as fuck and it would be blasphemy to pinpoint one single meaning. Yes, there is the hurt of Zayn leaving the band and the subsequent falling out of two people that were best friends for years for reasons we don’t (yet) know. There’s the relationship struggles he’s been through. The struggle of losing yourself, for whatever array of meanings. Fame. Pressure put on him by others. Forgetting to listen to his heart, and so on. 

I have said this time and again, as have many others on this wonderful hellsite, but Louis does every little thing in his work and even outside of that deliberately. He wants us to look into these things, and he knows that those who get it get it. His music videos and lyrics pretend to be simple and he loves to play dumb about it all, but there’s always way more to it than what he’ll let on. His smirk says it all. He’s also incredibly proud of this song, stating it as his favorite, and of this video, which he considers their best work. It’s his statement that he’s standing tall and strong, victorious. 

read my other lyric analyses here

#walls analysis #lp #this is................. insane #is this the longest post i've ever written? i don't know actually #but okay #anyway thanks demy once again for everything #all links are hers almost kjhckjehg #and thank you louis for making me a huge oasis fan can't wait till i'm properly one of the lads #WOW #my neck is stiff #meanwhile i'm also paying attention to the match #which is also fucking insane #so i'm not heading to bed anytime soon after this #BUZZIN #oasis

[sirisuorionblack]

An unsafe home

Sirius Black x Slytherin!Reader

Requested -  A Sirius X reader story where the reader is a Muggle born and a Slytherin. So when the tension of the war gets heavy in the castle she gets attacked by some fellow housemates. Maybe regulus is involved? I don't know. A protective and scared Sirius who just realises how violent things are starting to get even at a "safe place" as Hogwarts.

Warnings - Injuries. 

A/N So I went a little overboard here and perhaps it may be rushed in the end. And Regulus has got quite a major role in here. Anyways, hope you enjoy @too-many-unhealthy-obsessions 

“Another one,” Remus muttered, grimly as his eyes scanned rapidly over the newspaper, ignoring the minimal amount of food he had on his plate.

Sirius sighed, “Who?”

“A muggle-born,” James read over Remus’ shoulder, discreetly placing two more toasts on his place, “In a muggle town. It's not the worst case, she’s been there to meet her parents, and...all of them,”

Sirius winced, “Enough, Remus,” he gently pried the newspaper off his best friend’s fingers.

“It's growing rapidly,” James whispered, “Dunno what's gonna happen next,”

Peter, who sat next to Sirius, shivered. Noticing that Sirius looked at James, subtly shaking his head, asking him to drop the topic.

“Sirius!” A voice called him, happily. He knew the voice way too well for he has heard them rant for hours in the end and he had listened without a hint of annoyance.

Sirius whipped around to look at you, walking towards him with a wide grin, your green robes contrasting amidst the red and yellow on either side. You were different, you were unique and above all you were his. Sirius loved you, loved you more than anything in this world, after all, he had thousands of reasons why.

“Hello,” You greeted him with a big smile, almost startling him to think of how lucky he is.

Sirius pulled you into his arms, kissing you softly, as though you would break if a speck of dust fell on you, but both you and Sirius knew that wasn't true but completely opposite. Pulling away, he placed his forehead to yours.  

“You guys are so cute,” Lily cooed.

Sirius laughed as you buried your head into his shoulder, “I know, Evans,”

“But not as cute as us though,” James said, grinning at Lily, who shook her head with a subtle smile on her face.

“I still don't know how I ended up with you, Potter,” she said, kissing his cheek.

You glanced at Sirius and then at the two of them and back at him, “I know what you are thinking, darling,” He said, and then raised his voice, “You need to stand your point, Evans,”

“Oh, shut it, Black,” she rolled her eyes and then laughed.

“Alright, then, ladies and gentlemen,” You pulled away from Sirius and held the strap of your bag tightly over your shoulder, “Unlike you seventh years, we have some real studies to do,”

“Well, the sixteen year olds nowadays are real arses, arent they?” Remu commented, smirking at you.

You scoffed, “Trust me, Lupin, you haven't been with a thirteen year old for very long,”

Regulus joined you as you walked to your Potions class, “How are you?”

Remus chuckled, “She’s not wrong though,” he said to James.

“What the-?” you chuckled at the sudden choice of question.

“Did you complete the potions assignment Slughorn gave?” Regulus asked, skimming through the parchments in his hand.

“Did you?” you asked. Regulus gritted his teeth and shook his head.

You sighed having a vague idea of what might have taken his time. Smiling, you linked your arm with him, “Slughorn loves you, Reg, so, no worries,”

“Woah, look at that, will you?” a group of students blocked your path, the silver and green ties flashing as the malicious smirk on their faces made the two colours look dirty.

“What's wrong with you Black boys, one hanging out with the same mudblood his brother shags,” A girl in the front said, twisting a piece of hair between her fingers, a nasty smirk on her artificial pink lips.

Before you could react, Regulus had his wand out. “Regulus, no,” You warned, tugging his arm, “Let's leave,”

“Aw, to where?” The girl asked, “To that traitorous disappointing scumbag of a lover you have?”

She struck the nerve and she knew it for she let out a maniacal laughter, pulling out her wand from her robes.

“Stupefy!” “Petrificus totalus!” The two of you yelled simultaneously.

Slytherins behind the girl laughed and giggled watching curses fly off from two ends of two contrasting wands and motives.

A beam of red light flew from yours and the girl - Carie, you heard after one of the Slytherins cheered her - ducked it, hitting the buff boy behind her.

His nostrils flared as he held out his own wand, hurling curses towards you just as Carie did. Regulus raised his wand too, trying to fend them off but another Slytherin kid engaged him in a duel of his own.

You were getting exhausted, struggling to keep up with the hexes thrown towards you. Suddenly, there was a different burst of green light from the tip of someone’s wand, hurling right at you.

The next few minutes were spent in a blur - the green beam hit you right in the chest. You gasped, feeling as though the air was knocked out of your lungs as your head spun rapidly. Struggling with proper balance, you felt your body curve into a graceful arc and sensed the shirt of your school uniform get wet. The vicious dancing black spots took over.

On the opposite end of the castle, Sirius sat in his transfiguration class, doodling on the piece of parchment before him and often glancing over Remus’ shoulder at what he is writing.

Suddenly, a violent shiver ran down his body, a feeling of dread settling on his chest.

“What's wrong?” Remus asked, irritatedly, finally looking up from his parchment.

“I dunno,” Sirius mumbled, taking a deep breath and loosening his tie. Remus glanced at him, concerned one last time before returning to his notes.

Sirius glanced around the room for his friends, James was seated before him with Lily, raking a hand through his messy hair and staring at her while she listened intently to Professor McGonagall, Peter was to Sirius’ left, twisting the quill in his hand.

Sirius rubbed his neck, the restlessness rising within his figure as he shuffled in his seat.

The moment the bell rang, Sirius dashed out of the room, not even caring to take his bag as he rushed down the corridor in search of his brother and you.

He found Regulus first. Unfortunately, his little brother stood right before the hospital wing that did nothing to stop the dread rising in Sirius.

“Reggie,” Sirius gasped, “I mean, uhm, Regulus, have-are you alright?!” He spotted the red blotch on the front of his shirt.

“Yeah,” Regulus breathed.

“Then what's this!?” Sirius asked, panic raising to an unwanted amount.

Regulus took a deep breath and shuddered. He looked around the corridor as if expecting someone to be there, once he realised it was after all deserted, he threw himself into his elder brother’s arms, holding Sirius tightly.

Sirius drew a sharp breath as he uncertainly wrapped his arms around Regulus. He could feel his brother shaking, “Reggie, hey, it's OK, I am here,”

“She-they-(Y/N)-” Regulus stuttered into Sirius’ shoulder.

“What's wrong with her?” Sirius asked hurriedly, pulling away from Regulus, who took a shuddering breath and gulped. He raised his hand, pointing towards the hospital wing.

Sirius looked at the door and then back at little brother, the grip on his arm tightened, “Come with me?”

Regulus’ filled with tears as he slowly shook his head, pushing his brother away he ran.

“Reg-” Sirius watched as his brother disappeared into the corner and clenched his shirt tightly, looking down at it, he realised the red liquid - which resembled so much like blood - was now on his white shirt too.

Wiping his tears, Sirius warily walked to push the door of the infirmary open, afraid of what waited inside for him.

The smell of blood and potions filled his nostrils making him flinch. Sirius looked at the bed around except one crowded with nurses, he hoped his (Y/N) wouldn't be there, he hoped.

“Mr Bl- Sirius?” Madam Pomfrey looked at Sirius, her eyes widened. She rushed to him, “What are you doing here?”

“(Y/N),” Sirius said simply, looking behind her shoulder.

“Sirius,” she placed her hand on his arm, “She is not here,”

“Oh? But Regulus said-” he pointed behind him.

A young nurse rushed towards Madam Pomfrey and whispered to her. She sighed in relief and nodded, “Sirius, she is alright,”

“So she is here?” Sirius asked, hopelessly looking around, his eyes were drawn to the crowded bed however he distracted himself.

“Sirius,” Madam Pomfrey moved to stand before him, her hands on his arms, squeezing with motherly affection. She sighed and looked as though she was contemplating something, “She is here. I will let you see her only if you assure me that you would stay calm, am I clear?”

Sirius nodded rapidly and desperately. Madam Pomfrey took a deep breath and guided him to the farthest bed - the crowded one. He felt the air knocked out of his lungs as he realised that, after all, his hope was squashed into a pulp.

You laid on the bed wrapped in a new robe and the infirmary white sheet pulled up to your chest, nurses by you, checking your pulse and pouring measure potions into goblets. Sirius felt his world crumble as he saw your discarded white blouse, it was drenched with blood, the white colour almost invisible; if he hadn’t known better he would have thought you were simply asleep. 

Sirius grabbed whatever was next to him, providing support to his shaking figure. His breath came out in struggled pants. The red stain on his shirt is the love of his life’s blood.

Madam Pomfrey watched as the boy shivered and his knees wobbled as though he would collapse any second. She watched as he blankly stared at the ground, his mind, perhaps, occupied beyond necessary that allowed tears to well in his eyes but not drop.

Sirius drew a deep breath as he stumbled towards you, alerting the nurse who glanced behind him at Madam Pomfrey who shook her head.

He crouched before you, one hand cupping your cheek the other resting on top of your hands that laid on your stomach. With Sirius’ wobbling lip he leaned up to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“What happened?” He asked to no one in particular, his eyes still scanning your face.

“We don't know,” Madam Pomfrey answered, honestly, “Regulus had barged in with her, she was unconscious,” and she hurriedly added, “She is alright now,”

“When will she wake up?” he asked.

“Within an hour or so,” Madam Pomfrey muttered.

So, Sirius waited, often heaving deep breaths to calm himself. This was supposed to be his home, where he could be safe and protected, where his loved ones could be safe yet here you were.

Every since “Voldemort” was rising, ever since he ran away from Grimmauld Place, ever since the tension between him and his little brother rose, Sirius just wanted to take you away, away to a place where he knew you would be safe and secure, not a thing can harm you. Just you and him, like a family that he always wanted - protected, protective, safe and loved beyond measure. 

“Sirius,” You mumbled, squeezing his hand.

“Puppy,” Sirius whipped his head to look at you, “You alright? What happened?”

Gulping, you pulled Sirius closer, resting your forehead against his. Sirius moved so that he was sat on the edge of the bed, leaning towards you.

“I love you,” You gently whispered. Finally, the tears that were collected in Sirius’ eyes broke free and rolled down his cheeks rapidly.

Before you could react, Sirius smashed his lips to yours in a wet kiss. It was salty from the tears that still leaked from his eyes.

You pulled away first, hurriedly wiping away his tears although it was of no use, “Sirius-”

“I love you,” he took a ragged deep breath, “So much,”

“I love you too, Sirius,” you leaned to kiss his forehead. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you chuckled wetly, “It's OK, I am alright. Nothing is wrong. I am alright, Sirius, look at me”

“You couldn't have been,” a dry sob racked his body, drawing a gasp to tumble from your lips. You pulled him even closer, holding his hands that cupped your cheeks tightly and allowing him to rest his head on the crook of your neck.

“Please, please, it's OK,” you tried to console him.

Sirius pulled away and wiped his tears as you watched him intently. You tried to sit up and to help you, a young nurse was immediately at your side and that's when you realised there were people watching the interaction.

The nurses understanding the situation shuffled away from your bed to others’.

“What happened?” Sirius asked, shifting closer to you after nodding slightly as though asking for permission.

“Just-it was nothing, Sirius,” you mumbled, lying through your teeth and you knew Sirius found out.

“What happened, darling? Please, please, tell me,” Sirius said on the verge of begging.

You looked around using the time to contemplate your options - You could either tell him and refrain him from marching to the Slytherin common room (which would be definitely hard) or you could not tell him which is absolutely not possible.

You took a deep breath, taking Sirius’ hand in yours, holding it tightly, “I just -I-the Slytherins,” you sighed, “A duel, Sirius, and I missed it,”

“A duel!?” Sirius yelled, his forehead scrunched in confusion, “Who!?”

You were silent making Sirius repeat his question this time even insisting that before, “Carie, Carie Travers,”

The rage that painted on Sirius’ face was unlike anything you've seen before. His grey orbs were ablaze with fire and hatred as his body shook.

“Sirius,” you said, worriedly. He gritted his teeth, nose flaring as he stared at the goblet on the bedside table.

He let out a deep breath, composing himself and he nodded, “Travers, isn't it?”

“Sirius…”

“No, no, don't worry, I won't do anything,” he said, frightening calm.

“Sirius, please,” You said but he ignored it.

“How? How did the duel start?” He asked, looking into your eyes, intently.

“Not now, Sirius, please,” you pleaded, not wanting to deal with it now.

Sirius sighed and leaned in to kiss your forehead, “I'm sorry,”

“It's OK,” you uncomfortably wrapped your arms around his torso and Sirius held you for a few minutes before shifting so that he leaned against the headboard and you protectively within his arms.

It wouldn't be OK. Perhaps, worse but not alright, Sirius knew that, of course, he did but he vowed to himself that he would protect you at any cost even if that means he would have to give his life, “I love you, mon amour,”

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius orion black #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x slytherin reader #sirius x reader #sirius x you #sirius x y/n #remus lupin #regulus black #regulus black x platonic!reader #marauders #harry potter

[bucky-at-bedtime]

Stucky Fic Recs

So basically I went through all of my ao3 bookmarks and collated a list of some of my favourites (I couldn't fit all of them on this list, so if anyone shows interest there might be a part two).

Please read tags and descriptions of the works before reading, some of them are pretty dark or extremely horny so just make sure you check that the fic is for you!!

Please please please send me your favourite fics in return! I am always happy to hear fic recs, headcanons and any other ideas/comments you all have!

Without any further ado, here are a few of my favourite Stucky fics:

‘Not Easily Conquered’ series by dropdeaddream, WhatAreFear

Rating: M, Words: 117,692

https://archiveofourown.org/series/115516

“I told you, you heard me: I told you never to follow me into Hell. Now I’m not vain enough to think that’s why you’re out here now — if there’s any person in what’s left of this God forsaken planet who’s part of a bigger picture, it’d be you. But I’ll keep saying it until it sticks. You got nothing to prove. I’m not worth much, I damn well know that, but I’ll ask you anyway: Stay for me. If you leave me alone in this world I’ll turn into something terrible. I’ll turn into the nasty creature that’s growing inside me. This war, it’ll swallow me whole”

[To me, this fic is like the classic Stucky 101 fanfic – if you're a Stucky fan and you haven't read this, I highly recommend it. The authors explore the Steve/Bucky relationship in such an interesting, tragic, emotive way and I cry every time I read it. I couldn't praise this work enough.]

‘Ain’t No Grave’ series by spitandvinegar

Rating: M-E, Words: 131,789

https://archiveofourown.org/series/426577

"Yeah, he never calls me by my name," Steve says. "It's always champ, ace, hotshot, that kinda thing."

"Man, that is flirting," Sam says. "That nicknames thing, he is flirting with you. He's just working his way up to calling you baby or something."

Steve goes redder than a damn coke can. Sam pumps his fist. "Yes, I am so right, I am wise as hell. He did, didn't he?"

"He called me sweetheart," Steve says grimly, "because he's a drug addict with brain damage."

"Or because he looooooves you," Sam says. Captain America throws a cookie at his head. Sam eats it, because he deserves a treat for being so damn wise.”

[I'm currently re-reading this fic and absolutely loving it. The way spitandvinegar writes Bucky's road towards recovery and Steve's entire characterisation – it's all just so good. It's another one that covers some pretty dark themes, so make sure you're checkin those tags!]

'Einherjar' by thecommodore_squid

Rating: M, Words: 71297

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7157024/chapters/16249814

But Steve was fine.

Sure, he hadn’t seen Bucky in months, and sometimes he was at the punching bag so long that his skin started to peel off to expose the bones of his fingers, and sometimes he couldn’t find the energy to drag himself out of bed, and sometimes he went weeks without sleeping, and sometimes he thought about throwing himself head-first off the nearest tall structure, but he was fine.

He was absolutely, perfectly, one-hundred percent, fucking fine.

AKA In which Steve learns how to deal with his shit, and Bucky learns how to stop leaving.

[basically the definition of a recovery fic, I absolutely adore it. This is tragic and amazing and makes me cry and smile. It’s got a bunch of fantastic cameos and It really just ticks so many of my boxes.]

‘Like real People do’ by 2bestfriends

Rating: E, Words: 67,775

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19887376/chapters/47103217

“"Ask me what?" demands Bucky. "I didn't hear a question."

Steve licks his lips. "Will you stay with me? Will you come back home, Buck?"

"Home," repeats Bucky in a small voice, and then he's crying for real.”

[Basically soft lumberjack!steve and lonely twink!bucky being horny and in love. This is a comfort fic for that’s really just about my favourite boys falling in love.]

‘This City Bleeds it’s Aching Heart’ by anonymous

Rating: E, Words: 34,537

https://archiveofourown.org/works/835829/chapters/1591736

“The one where Steve and Bucky pose as a happily married couple while on a mission for SHIELD, to catch an international arms dealer hiding in a suburban neighbourhood.”

[The plot in this one is just a good time and i think it’s just a really fun take on the fake relationship trope. Also some really great characterisation.]

‘Home is Wherever I’m With You’ by cydonic

Rating: E, Words: 88,570

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18868081/chapters/44783077

“Bucky kisses Steve and Emma goodbye before they leave for school, which is why – partway down the road – Amelia turns to him and asks, “why are you and Daddy kissing?”

Which is definitely a conversation Bucky’s been expecting since Steve just did it, but it still takes him by surprise. Again, he thinks he should wait for Steve, but Amelia’s not the sort of kid to let anything rest. Plus, Bucky’s taking her to school where she will undoubtedly share the story with anyone who’ll listen.

He also stops to think that Steve’s asked him to stay, which means Bucky must be trusted with their happiness and well-being, at least in some small capacity.

Bucky clears his throat and searches for some explanation that will help Amelia make sense of this sudden turn of events. “Because we love each other,” is all he comes up with.”

[Bear with me, this is a House Flipper!Bucky Au. And dad!Steve. I just love a found family trope I’m not gonna lie to you. Another comfort fic that warms my lil heart.]

‘Lucky Seven’ by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves)

Rating: E, Words: 94,364

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7033105/chapters/16002481

“Back from where--?” James says, the sentence ending in a distinctly undignified squawk as Steve sweeps him up in his arms, bridal-style, and starts carrying him upstairs.

James tenses momentarily then relaxes into Steve's arms and throws back his head and starts laughing. The laughter peals out of him, his body shaking, his amusement occasionally broken by little gasps of pain.

“What's so funny?” Steve frowns.

“You are,” James says, still giggling. “You're ridiculous, Steve Rogers.”

“Behave. Or I will drop you,” Steve growls.

[The shrunkyclunks modern AU of my dreams featuring Mechanic!Bucky and cap!Steve and some really beautiful writing.]

'Dishonor On Your Cow' by mandarou

Rating: E, Words: 111695

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10659162/chapters/23589582

“Sergeant Barnes?”

“Oh, hell no, don’t call him that, man,” Sam warned.

“Captain Fuck Off!” Barnes shouted over him. “Fight me!”

Steve didn’t know whether to laugh or just slink away. He managed to combine the two by pacing two steps and snorting instead. Like a bull.

“I’m gonna need you to calm your ass, Barnes,” Sam said as he went limp again, obstructing Barnes’s struggling under him. “This is so undignified. That is Captain goddamn America.”

“Captain goddamn America!” Barnes repeated, louder. And angrier.

Steve cleared his throat again. “I’ve been looking for you,” he told Barnes.

“I hope you brought lube this time!” Barnes shouted.

[I’m not gonna lie it took me a minute to get into this one but by the end I was crying with them, laughing with them, and just really in my feels. Some very insane things happen so here’s a few of my favourite tags: ‘Seargent Barnes is done with your Shit Steve’, ‘blatant disrespect of a man’s motorcycle’, ‘Steve you ding dong’ and ‘PR nightmares in the form of Supersoldiers’.]

Propietary Information by Notlucy

Rating: E, Words: 85141

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11964402/chapters/27054777

“Okay, so Bucky Barnes has a crush on Steve Rogers. The guy's gorgeous, talented and, oh yeah, the Chief Design Officer of the biggest tech company in the world. In other words: he's so far out of Bucky's league that he might as well be in a different stratosphere.”

[We were never gonna get through this list without a Sugar Daddy!AU (I have a weakness). This one is… saucy and sexy and sweet and uh pretty kinky so read the tags and all. I’ve read it a few times, and I love the way the author has written Steve in this one, he just makes my heart go '!!!']

‘Roots Have Grown’ by AustinB

Rating: M, Words: 17280

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6912451/chapters/15767941

“Bucky is a mildly agoraphobic veteran with funds to spare, who becomes enamored with the cute blonde guy in his building.

So when Steve mentions needing a roommate to cut down on rent costs, Bucky decides it would be a good idea to volunteer.”

[Another weakness of mine is Roommate AUs, and this one is phenomenal. I tend to go for post serum!Steve stories more often, but this is a pre-serum Steve that I just adore.]

‘The Cold Never Bothered me Anyway’ by icoulddothisallday

Rating: E, Words:75562

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728869/chapters/26425530

“Bucky Barnes has spent his whole life in a state of mild hypothermia. Steve Rogers has spent the last 70 years in the ice. The two things aren’t related until, suddenly, they are. Shrunkyclunks soulmate AU (AKA the awkward bb au).”

[I think this is the only soulmate AU in my bookmarks? I would totally be down to read more though! This one is really fun and really enjoy Bucky’s characterisation here!]

'War, Children' by Nonymos

Rating: E, Words: 106615

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5373050/chapters/12409394

“After Bucky was released from the hospital, it only took him a couple of weeks to give up on himself. Difficult to believe in any kind of future when the simple act of staying alive was almost too big an effort.

Out the frosted window, across the street, there was a tiny homeless guy burrowing under an awning.”

[An interesting exploration of Bucky’s PTSD with a trans!Steve which was a cool take on his character too!]

'The Company You Keep' by orbingarrow

Rating: G, Words: 51191

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3468605/chapters/7613072

“Hurt, hungry, and on the run, the Winter Soldier doesn’t have a lot of safe options to go to for help. Figuring that any friend of Captain Steve Rogers is unlikely to be HYDRA, Bucky takes a chance and reaches out to the first Avenger he can find.

It works out better than anyone could have expected. Eventually.”

[hurt/comfort, recovering Bucky, protective Steve, found family and domestic avengers, need I say more? I absolutely loved this one]

#stucky #stucky fics #stucky fic recs #fic rec

[9tzuyu]

dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #avengers x reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

[bratkook]

girls in bikinis. (m) kth.

pairing: taehyung x reader genre: smut, pwp word count: 5.3k warnings: exhibitionism, unprotected sex, partially clothed sex, fingering, spanking, dirty talk, creampie, he fucks her in roller skates okay and its light and playful author’s note: this came to me as i washed my dishes and listened to this song by poppy and idk what possessed me to write this when i have 2471819 other wips i should be focusing on but i hope u enjoy it lmaooo

As the sun beats down on Taehyung, beads of sweat trickling down his neck while he cruises on his long board along the concrete path right on the beach, he doesn’t think he regrets encouraging your new hobby more than he does right now

You see when you first voiced your desire to learn to roller skate Taehyung had found it endearing, even going as far as purchasing the skates for you as a surprise because you had been so excited watching videos online of other girls gliding around.

When you finally got them and slipped them on, stumbling around like a baby deer discovering they had legs, he thought it would be an adorable hobby. Seeing you bundled up with your knee pads, matching elbow pads ready to catch your fall and a helmet strapped tightly under your chin.

It all screamed cute.

But your determination had set it, constantly practicing out on the sidewalk or in the shoddy parking lot of your apartment complex, not caring how many times you bruised your tailbone with your nasty falls until they slowly minimized.

Soon enough Taehyung had stopped providing you ice packs and comforting words when you took a tumble and instead he had begun to watch in awe as your strides got more confident, no longer afraid to apply pressure onto your toe stops when you caught some speed, mixing in some cool spins as you skated around him in circles.

With that added confidence came the fact that you no longer needed to be wrapped up in safety gear as extensively as you used to be which is what landed him in this situation, watching you glide along beside him with the skimpiest outfit on.

This no longer screamed cute, no this entire thing was currently shouting sexy in his head so loud it was a surprise no one around him could hear it.

Taehyung swallows down a groan when you push out so you’re ahead of him now, the scrape of your wheels mixing in with his own. His eyes trail up your body, seeing how your legs glimmer in the sun thanks to the body oil you had lathered on before you, making your entire body look like its glowing.

The expanse of your legs are out for the world to see and he’s almost positive if you bent over just slightly he’d catch a peak of the underwear you currently had on because these black cut off shorts were purely for aesthetic purposes.

Its not until you whirl around on your skates, gliding backwards with your arms and head bobbing along to the music you had blasting from your phone in your back pocket, that his eyes zero in on your tits. Taehyung can’t hold the groan back this time, not with the way he sees them bounce and jiggle with each stride of your legs, only being caged in by the tiniest triangle bikini top you had so graciously slipped on.

He knew you did this on purpose, did this just for him, color coordinating your orange top to match the suede of your skates and passing it off as a cute notion. Taehyung had gotten drunk a few nights ago, and with the added alcohol came the slip of his tongue, confessing how hot he thought you looked as you rolled around and how much hotter you’d look if you did it in just your underwear.

You, being ever the people pleaser, weren’t going to let him down. Of course you weren’t clad in your bra and panties but this was definitely second best and when you catch his dazed out expression it proves you right.

His foot mindlessly keeps pushing himself forward, coming back onto his board robotically to continue the glide while you shimmy your chest at him tauntingly.

“My eyes are up here.” You quip teasingly, your hand coming up to rake through your hair as you shoot him a dazzling smile. Thats when he finally blinks out of his daze, meeting your eyes with a cheeky smile on his own face.

“Oh I know,” he shrugs, rocking on his board as he glides side to side, his wheels kissing the edge of the path each way as he does so, “prefer staring at your tits though.”

A snort leaves you at his comment, swirling back around to face forward, slowing your pace down until you’re once again right beside him. You turn your head to look at him, smirking when you see him staring at you already, “Figured, that’s kind of why I wore this.”

“Ah,” he sighs out, his hand reaching forward to grab your own in a sweet notion as he matches your speed, “so I fell into your trap?”

The soft laugh you let out makes the horniness that's clouding his brain clear up, paired with the fact that he can no longer see the way your boobs bounce with every crack on the floor, he has a moment to cleanse his impure thoughts. 

“Yeah, it’s all going according to plan.”

Taehyung laughs fully at that now, his eyes crinkling up as he smiles, his ash blonde hair being fluffed up from the wind and the speed at which he pushes off the floor, “Oh yeah?”

A small hum is your only response, mimicking his movements and pushing forward once more to make room for bikers approaching you, once again giving him the glorious view of your ass and legs. 

“And how does this plan of yours end exactly?”

You spin around once more, the action smooth and nothing at all compared to the way you struggled months ago, your hand still grasping his own as he helps guide you from any oncoming people. There's a glint in your eye that he can’t pinpoint but he knows its trouble, it usually always is with you. 

“With you fucking me.”

His brows arch up at your lewd comment, how you said it so nonchalantly, almost as if you were discussing a grocery list. His balance falters slightly as he wobbles on his feet, your hand being the saving grace that stops him from face planting onto the hot cement. That would definitely sober his filthy thoughts up just as quickly as they came, nothing like good road burn to help him stop sinning.

“Well let's go then.” He chokes out, ready to drag you to his awaiting car, maybe you’d let him defile you in his backseat if you were this horny but you shock him once more when your shoulders shrug. A playful frown on your face as you look behind you, your eyes focusing on the surrounding buildings, “Why?”

“What do you mean why, you said you want me to fuck you or am I reading this all wrong?”

Another laugh bubbles out of you, the sound sweet and angelic as if you aren’t currently thinking of him rearranging your guts in the unholiest of places 

“Oh no, I definitely want you to fuck me but why leave?”

That’s when the realization hits him, his eyes widening up as his mouth drops open when he understands just what you’re suggesting, “Here?”

A simple nod is sent his way, your smile widening when he looks around in exasperation, almost as if he can’t fathom that you’d let him do whatever he wanted to you in any location. “But we’re in public!” He hisses out, his cheeks warming up to a blush and its adorable. 

“So, I’m horny and I want you to fuck me. Are you game?”

As adventurous as Taehyung was, he'd never, ever, fooled around in public and as much as he wanted to, the fear of getting caught and possibly being thrown into jail always stopped him. But the way you look right now is making all of his logical thinking go straight into the gutter and he can’t find it in himself to care, not when he can see this whole thing play out in his mind.

With every blink of his eyes he sees flashes of you, pressed against the side of a building as you moan out his name, the feel of your oiled up skin against his fingertips as he grips into your hips and fucks you from behind, the thrill of having to keep quiet.

He feels his cock spur to life in his shorts and that is absolutely the only convincing he needs to make his feet come down with a thump, haphazardly hopping off of his board and yanking you to an abrupt stop, his hands having to catch you before you topple over from the force of it all. 

“Hell yeah I’m game, but if we get caught it’s all your fault.”

He wastes no time scooping his board up and tucking it underneath his arm as he takes off, dragging you behind him while he hauls you off the bike path and onto the crowded boardwalk. His grip on you is secure as your wheels wobble on the uneven path, his pace speeding up when your laughter reaches his ear. 

A smirk spreads onto his face as his eyes bounce along each building, determined to find a location good enough for your rendezvous. The small whispers you send him make him feel like you’re a little devil perched onto his shoulder, luring him into making the worst decisions with the best outcomes.

“You gotta be quiet Y/N.” Taehyung whispers with a laugh, his hands placed on your ass, pushing you into the small alleyway between two buildings you had both deemed good enough for the scandalous act you were about to perform.

You have to bite your lip to prevent teasing words from slipping through, your heart was currently pounding in your chest as reality hits you, not believing just how easy it was to convince Taehyung do to anything involving sex.

It’s almost comical how he rolls you deeper into the small hiding spot, his board slipping from its spot under his arm and landing on the floor in a loud thunk. The sound echoes all around you but he can’t focus on that right now, completely ignoring the scowl you send his way after he had just shushed you into silence.

“You gotta be quiet–” You mock him, the end of your words being muffled out when he slaps his palm over your mouth, a taunting look on his face as he pushes you against the brick wall. The heels of your boots thud against the building as your back presses flush against it, the gritty texture of the wall digs into your back but any complaints you have get stuck in your throat when you see the look in his face, your breath huffing against his hand, the tiniest smile creeping onto your lips.

“Don’t worry about me baby,” he whispers out, his face inching closer to yours. His eyes sneak a side glance towards the opening of the alley way, seeing the occasional person walking past blissfully unaware that the two of you were tucked away in here, “unless you want people to see how desperate you are for my cock you need to keep that pretty mouth of yours closed okay?”

A stiff nod and a hum against his palm is all you give him, your eyes staring straight into his as he takes a moment to ogle you. His gaze trails down your neck, onto the swells of your chest covered in the tiny orange bikini, his head tilting slightly as he watches the rise and fall as you try to steady your breathing. 

“Nervous?” Taehyung teases, choosing now to remove his palm from your mouth.

“No,” you breathe out a laugh, resting onto your left toe stop as you sag against the wall, “I’m excited.”

Of course you were, this had been your plan after all. Get Taehyung so hot and bothered he’d do anything you asked and he had fallen right into your grasp, not that he had any complaints.

“You fucking minx.” He jokes, pressing his lips against yours in a hard kiss, the smell of the sunscreen he had slathered his face in invades your senses, it reminds you of summer and you know after today it’ll also remind you of this moment.

Your lips drop open as he licks his way into your mouth, groaning when his tongue slithers against yours. Your arms hook around his neck, tugging him closer as he lightly licks the roof of your mouth before pulling back with a hum.

“Gotta be quick yeah?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, letting his hands grip your sides, his thumb softly rubbing your waist on his way down to the button of your shorts, “hurry.”

The bouncing wheels of skateboarders whizzing by a few feet away has you gasping in excitement, Taehyung shooting you a wink when he catches the thrilling look on your face at the prospect of getting caught, “You got it.”

Taehyung pops the button of your shorts open, the sound reaching your ears, aiding in the small rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins. The metallic scrape of your zipper being yanked down joins the air, his long fingers dipping into the waist of them and tugging them down your legs until they catch around your knees from the way your thighs are spread out.

He eyes the tiny pastel orange panties you chose to wear, your entire outfit being carefully thought out for this exact moment and it makes him chuckle under his breath, he really had fallen right into your trap. 

His fingers toy with your underwear, following the edge of it as it curves into your inner thighs, a shiver wracking through your body at the ticklish feeling, a slight detour being taken when his thumb presses into the damp patch decorating the front of it.

A wiggle of your eyebrows is sent his way when he eyes you teasingly, “Who would’ve thought you’d get this wet just thinking about me fucking you out in the open.”

“Please, I get soaked just thinking about you doing literally anything.”

He knew that much to be true, taking pride in being the main reason your panties were ruined.

Its not until the sound of people talking reaches his ears that he remembers he needs to hurry up, the idea of being caught was definitely hot but actually getting caught wasn’t so he once again grips your hips and turns you around.

Your heavy wheels clank against the ground at the change of position, your hands gripping the rough wall to keep you steady as he moves you, the rolling of your wheels only making him laugh.

“Uh, you’re gonna have to lean on your thingy to stop from rolling.”

“My toe stop?” You tease, putting pressure on your right foot to help stabilize you as he places a palm on your back, his fingers tracing the ties of your bikini top as he pushes you forward.

“Yes you smart ass.”

With you no longer rolling back onto him he deems himself ready to continue, his palms roaming over the smooth expanse of your exposed ass. You had clearly covered your entire body in that damn oil, not leaving a single area bare of the jasmine scented liquid which Taehyung had now decided was his new favorite thing.

“Hurry up and fuck me.” You whine out, your hips jutting further back, not at all expecting the swift slap he lands on your left cheek. His large palm swats against your skin so hard it bounces off the walls, the gasp getting stuck in your throat when everything falls into silence once more, half expecting someone to peek their head in from how loud it had been but it luckily never comes. He soothes your warm skin with his palm, kneading your flesh gently as he bit his lip.

“Gotta make sure you’re ready for me baby.” He scolds, his thumb hooking around your underwear and yanking it to the side, revealing your dripping slit to him. His other hand comes forward to let his fingers trail up your folds in a teasing motion, softly tracing up and around, not being able to resist teasing you further. When his index finger glides through your slick with ease his mouth drops open in awe, forever being prideful at the effect he has on you.

The small whine spills out of your lips when he slowly dips his finger in, enjoying the way your walls pulse around the tip of it before he pushes in to the hilt, starting a slow rhythm as he pulls out and thrusts back in, quickly adding a second finger and scissoring them inside of you to properly stretch you out for his cock.

“Mm Taehyung,” you sigh out, your head falling forward to rest against the cool wall as he continues to fuck you open. Each thrust of his long fingers has you keening, more of your arousal gushing out of you in excitement, becoming more and more desperate as he continues, “fuck I’m ready please.”

He playfully hums in thought from behind you, not entirely convinced two fingers would be enough for you to adjust to him. “I don’t think you are Y/N.”

The way your pussy clamps around his third finger when you feel the tip of a prod at your entrance proves his assumption correct, but he could take care of that. He knew you body well enough, having the motions down to a science. The way he curls his fingers, alternating between spreading them out and nudging against the sweet patch inside of you, it doesn’t take long until you’re fully relaxed in his hands, your hips rocking back into him at the feeling of being so full.

“There you go sweetheart,” he coos, his eyes slipping shut for a moment as he focuses on the wet thumping every time his palm hits your ass when he thrusts into you. The softest moans fill the otherwise silent alley, your fingers desperately clutching the wall, no doubt scraping your skin but that was a problem for later on, right now all you could think about was how amazing Taehyung’s fingers felt inside your cunt.

“Fuck, nngh please Tae.” You plead, twisting your body slightly to crane your head over your shoulder, hoping the clear desperation etched onto your features was enough to have him whip his cock out and fuck you like you wanted.

Your wide eyes glimmer with unshed tears from frustration and he takes pity on you, slipping his shiny fingers out of your pussy and popping them into his mouth like second nature. As if you needed him to do more to turn you on he has to go and lick your arousal off of his digits like it was his favorite candy.

“Okay,” he murmurs out, undoing his own shorts and yanking them down just enough for his cock to spring free. The visual of it out in the open almost makes those tears pool over, his large hand wrapping around the girth of it as he lazily pumps his aching length inches away from you, “you ready?” He questions, bringing his palm to his mouth to noisily spit into it, using it to lube up his cock as he steps closer to you.

“Yes.” You breathe out, rolling your lips together as you face the wall again, your head hanging low as you wait, your pussy clenching in anticipation.

Taehyung steps in between your legs, keeping them nice and spread apart, yanking your underwear to the side to reveal your sodden folds to him once more. He licks his lips over as he guides the head of his cock towards your entrance, the slight pressure of it pressing against you has you sighing out, gritting your teeth together to keep from shouting at him to hurry up.

Finally, he eases his way inside, his bulbous head breaching your entrance, the stretch that accompanies it beating the feel of his three fingers from before. This was what you wanted, his thick cock stretching you apart and filling you up the way he knew best.

Taehyung holds in a groan when your walls tighten around him when he bottoms out, his hips fully flushed against yours, the two of you panting as he stills inside of you.

“You okay?” He whispers, his fingers moving to grip your hips once more to help ground himself as he waits for a response from you. The sound of more people approaching has your walls pulsing around him and he groans, “Fuck, of course you’re okay. You fucking love this huh?”

A small whimper of his name is all you let out, the idea of being caught in the act making the words stick to your throat, instead you push back onto him, urging him to move.

Taehyung takes the hint, a smile gracing his face as he slowly inches back, beginning to rock into you in a steady rhythm, his pace increasing every time you let a tiny moan slip out from between your grit teeth, a small reward for being vocal because he wants you to let anyone listening know it was him making you feel good.

“Answer me baby.”

The squelching sounds of his dick hammering into you fill the air, the lewd moans finally leaving you with no qualms about who could possibly hear, “Fuck, yes I love it.”

He hums in appreciation, his hips fucking into you with more force at your admission, new determination settling inside of him to get you to fall apart, not an ounce of shame remains at getting caught.

Taehyunt can’t lie, he knows he loves it too, loves the way you’re letting him claim you in public, the way your moans echo in the space you’re in, your hand gripping the wall. A squeal leaves your lips, mixed in with a breathless laugh, when he angles his hips just right.

“Such a good girl,” he grunts out, gripping your hips tighter when you squeeze him, “letting me fuck you like this. Want everyone to see that you’re mine huh?”

One of his hands curls around your front, trailing up your body until he reaches your skimpy top. He yanks the fabric of your bikini to the side, his palm squeezing a handful of your tits as he continues to thrust into you, the coolness of his palm contrasting with the warmth of your chest.

“Just yours, only yours.” You slur out, your brain turning into putty when his dick curves just right. The way his hand squeezes and tugs at your exposed nipple has your mind spinning, your body being jostled by his thrusts and in turn making the foot that remains flat on the floor roll back and forth from the force.

“Ah, baby,” he laughs as his fingers pinch your pebbled nipple, hearing a small hum in response from you, “you’re rolling again.”

Taehyung slows his thrusts, rocking in to you more calmly as you grunt in frustration, neither of you took into account how inconvenient fucking in roller skates would be.

“My calves are cramping from holding my feet like this.” You admit with a laugh, feeling Taehyung lean his head forward until it rested in the juncture of your neck, his soft breaths hitting your skin as he chuckled.

“Okay, here bring them down flat.” He guides you, holding you steady as you even out the weight on your skates, a tiny yelp escaping you when you begin to roll down on the uneven alley floor. Taehyung repositions his feet to rest right behind the skates to keep you from sliding further, an experimental thrust of his hips being sent your way to test the hold, “Better?”

When you no longer roll back, just bump forward slightly, you sigh in relief, “Yeah, so much better. C’mon keep fucking me.” You plead, your palm coming down to wrap around the hand currently groping your tits, urging him on and he listens.

“Whatever you want baby.” He mumbles against your skin, pressing a kiss to your bare shoulder as he pulls his hips back, rearing forward in a brutal pace that has you nearly shouting out. Your body hunches forward more freely now, no longer afraid of rolling away, instead your hand slides down the rough wall as you moan out his name.

His eyes catch on to the way you’re soaking his cock, leaving it slick and shiny with your arousal each time he pulls out. Taehyung feels like his mind is swimming, the whines of his name and the way you rut your hips back on him is the only anchor keeping him in the present.

He releases your nipple, trailing the hand down your front until it dips past your underwear and reaches your clit. Your reaction is instant, a loud gasp filling the air as your walls clamp down at the stimulation when he begins to rub tight circles on your sensitive nub.

“Oh god Taehyung,” you cry out, placing both hands on the wall and throwing your head back in pleasure, “you always fuck me so good.”

He grunts at your confession, the slight ego boost inflating his chest, the tiny licks of pleasure curling in his gut as he feels his release approaching, “Mm yeah? You’re creaming my cock baby, you enjoying yourself?”

Taehyung marvels at the way your back arches further, focusing on the way your ass bounces with every thrust of his hips and he can’t help himself when he delivers another harsh smack onto one of your cheeks, watching as the skin ripples and smarts at the slap.

“Ah,” you mewl, the sting of his palm sending tingles of pleasure up your spine. Your velvety walls pulse around him, always one to enjoy a little pain with your pleasure, “yes! F-fuck, I’m close Tae.”

He can tell, the way you’re sucking him in further every time he pulls out, desperate to keep him buried to the hilt, “You gonna cum like this? Gonna let everyone hear what a filthy girl you are?”

The taunting tone of his voice has your stomach tightening, the small coil of pleasure winding up inside of you with every roll of his hips, every deliberate flick of his finger against your clit. Your head turns to the side, having a clear view of the opening of the alley way, seeing the occasional person walking by. You never thought you’d enjoy the thrill of this as much as you did but the oncoming release you feel is evidence enough that you were thoroughly enjoying yourself.

“C’mon baby, let everyone hear you.” He groans out, a smile gracing his face when he hears the way you instantly do as he says, lewd moans of his name bouncing off the wall as you edge closer to your release. “Good girl.”

Your walls spasm around his cock at the praise, a few more flicks of his finger paired with his length expertly hitting your g spot every time is all it takes for your orgasm to crash over you. Your head falls forward, your mouth dropping open in a silent moan as your mind momentarily blanks, every nerve in your body lighting up as you come undone.

“Oh fuck–“ your moan dies in your throat when your body tenses up, small shocks coursing through you as he continues to roll your clit, enjoying the small twitches your body gives him.

Taehyung gasps when your walls tighten even further around him, his hand retreating from your clit to firmly grasp your hips to continue fucking you through it, seeking his own release now, grunt of pleasure escaping his open mouth and reaching your ears.

“Shit,” the rhythmic pulsing of your pussy is what sends him over, his thrusts getting sloppier until hes surging forward, his cock twitching as he pumps his hot cum inside of you, filling you up to the brim with a sigh of your name.

Your forehead rests against the cold wall as you try to catch your breath, the pounding of your heart can be felt in your ears as you come down. The breathy moans of Taehyung get closer as he tucks his chin over your shoulder, still buried deep inside of you.

“That was...so fucking hot.” He confesses, a wide smile spreading across his face when he feels your body vibrate with laughter.Carefully, he slides out of you, the both of you groaning at the loss of contact.

When Taehyung pulls away and slips his softening length back into his shorts, his eyes stay glued to the way his cum coats your folds, slowly dripping out of you. That was totally unacceptable so he gathers some of it onto his fingers and stuffs it back inside you before he readjusts your underwear to fully cover you, sliding your shorts back up your legs and helping you spin back around, readjusting your top with a grin.

“My legs feel like jello.” You admit when your balance falters, Taehyung having to grip your hips tighter to keep you from toppling over onto the gross floor.

“What can I say, my dicks just that good.”

He dodges the smack he knows is coming, a deep laughing filling the air as he ducks away from you, laughing louder when your horrible aim makes you wobble around.

“Tae!” You whine, an adorable pout on your face when he only laughs some more. Your arms cross over your chest as you stare at him with a slight scowl, “Help me.”

The smile on his face softens as he looks down at you, his hands trailing along your arms to unfold them and gently clasp his fingers around yours. “Of course I’ll help you baby.”

That satisfies you, standing up straighter now that he had a hold of you, “You think we can make it to the car without either of us face planting it?”

His eyes narrow in thought, the odds really weren’t in either of your favor but an idea pops into his mind, the curl of his lips indicating just how evil he was but you miss it, too focused on not catching your wheel on a pebble. Your legs were once again reminiscent of bambi and as much as he acted like he was unaffected, blowing his load in you had made his own legs feel boneless too.

“I mean, if we fall at least we fall together?”

Right, that seemed to be the best outcome but it was fine by you and way better than the two of you staying in this dingy alley way for much longer.

He leads you out of the alley, bending forward to pick up his discarded board before exiting the hiding spot and reentering the real world. It feels like you hadn’t seen the sunlight in ages, your eyesight spotting for a second before you adjusted to the brightness of your surroundings.

Taehyung uses that to his advantage, placing his board back on the floor as he stares at you, not yet noticing that he had let your hand go because the sun was absolutely blinding.

“I’ll race you to the car.” He shouts out, not giving you a moment to respond or argue about it before he hops onto his board and takes off, his foot pushing off the floor in a haste to win.

Your mouth drops open when you see him bolt, your brows furrowing tightly on your forehead, in disbelief that he had abandoned you after claiming he’d help you, “Asshole!” You shout after him, missing the way he smiles when the words reach his ears. With that comes the scraping of your own wheels as you take off after him, a small grimace on your face when you feel the way your ruined underwear sticks to your skin.

Soon enough you’re speeding right past him, your hair flowing behind you and the muscles on your legs flexing from the force of your pushes. Taehyung lets out another loud laugh, a change of position from earlier, this time you had fallen into his trap and everything was going according to plan. With you now a few feet ahead of him Taehyung can freely ogle at your body without a care in the world.

Checkmate.

#btsghostie #btswritingcafe #bts smut #taehyung smut #tae smut #taehyung fluff #bts imagine #bts writing #kim taehyung

[hotdamnhunnam]

Show Them I’m Yours

A/N: Everyone knows there ain’t no party like a SAMCRO party. Imagine you’re Jax Teller’s girl and you want everyone to know, so he savagely takes you at one of those parties and puts on a hell of a show. (@itsme-autumn suggested that I write this and I was like um hell fucking yes)

Pairing: Jax Teller x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, sex with an audience (Jax owning your ass and showing off that fact in front of all the Sons – they all get to watch but ONLY JAX can touch), featuring gifs of pretty much everyone

Word Count: ~2.9k

“Excuse me, sir?” you snap, crossing your arms over your chest. Appalled at the audacity of what this stupidly attractive bastard just dared to suggest. “No, I did not fuck up my car on purpose.”

The Prince of Charming smirks at that, hands on his hips, tongue flicking out between his suckable pink lips. “You sure about that, princess? Third time in a week that you’ve come by to get it serviced...”

“Oh, so you’ve been keeping track?” you sass back at him, flattered as fuck that he has, though your pride demands hiding that fact. Of course you’ve been screwing around with your engine all week just to have an excuse to hit up Teller-Morrow and check out his ass, to be honest. But fuck him for calling you out on it. “You’re not even the one who fixes shit. My visits here are not your business, and I’m not your fucking princess.”

His leather-clad shoulders lift up in a shrug, like he couldn’t care less. “Suit yourself. Name’s Jax,” he says with another long drag of his cigarette. “Jax Teller. Knew a stuck-up little bitch like you would be too proud to ask.”

Fucking shit. He knows you well. And hearing him call you a bitch just got you wetter than you would like to admit; you hope to hell that he can’t tell. “Maybe this stuck-up bitch just isn’t fucking interested.”

You flip him off and drive away—your car is really functioning just fine, needless to say—but you’re inevitably back by sex-o’-clock the very next day.

It’s been barely a month since you first moved to Charming, and you’re still not really used to feeling so damn new. It’s honestly alarming, just how shamelessly the men around town gawk at you. Don’t even seem to realize that it’s rude. You’re well aware you’re super cute, but till you moved here, you had never felt so... coveted. So viewed.

Nowhere more so than right here at Teller-Morrow. Home of the infamous biker club known as SAMCRO. The way the crew here always ogles you like heaven’s gift to men is quite a big boost to your ego.

“Know what I think, darlin’?” Jax taunts, sauntering toward your car as you pull in. “I think you know exactly what you’re doing. Know that every man in Charming wants a piece of that sweet ass.”

“Well, Mr. Teller...” you step out of the driver’s seat, standing to face him, close enough to feel his heat. “This ass ain’t up for grabs.”

Jax takes that as a challenge: as an open invitation, as he should. Slowly moves closer, feeding all your deepest hungers—God, he smells so fucking good—then wraps one hand around your back, the other sliding toward your ass... to show you just how wrong you were. “Oh, we’ll see about that.”

Jesus Christ—you want this man to fuck you up against your car, savage and hard, right fucking now... but he has something else in mind. Invites you to a party tonight, at the SAMCRO clubhouse. Who are you to deny?

He approaches his crew, as you drive away, fading from view. All the Sons stand in awe of their President—stunned that he just fucking conquered you.

“Dude, you gonna hit that?” Juice effuses, unable to hide his excitement. “Hot damn...”

Jax Fucking Teller stands tall like the king that he is and has always been, flashing his signature cocky grin. “Hell yeah I am.”

***************

You have no clue what you are about to walk into. Of course you were shameless enough to choose your most provocative outfit: a skimpy excuse for a dress that covers very little of you, paired with your favorite fuck-me-now shoes. Jax had offered to pick you up from where you live, the Prince Charming he is—but as much as you’d kill for a ride on his Harley, you wanted to ride on your own dime, show up at your own time, keep up the illusion that you’re in control of your shit. You’re all decked out and ready to go nice and early, but hold off on heading out yet—figure you should play hard to get, keep the guy waiting a bit.

Your self-restraint lasts for a solid two minutes. 

There’s no hope of fighting how desperate you are for his dick. The thong that you’re wearing is made of some thin flimsy lace, so your pussy is leaking all over the place, and the seat of your car is all sticky and slick. That’s real fucking classy, Y/N, you think, quite ashamed of the nasty-ass slut you’re becoming.

By the time you arrive, every cell in your barely-dressed body feels so damn alive at the thought of Jax taking you home once the party is over and railing you all fucking night...

You don’t yet know it then, but waiting till the party is over is not what Jax Teller intends. No, you’re gonna get fucked good and hard long before it all ends.

Parking your car outside, you try and fail to steady your nerves with a long horny sigh as you shut off your engine. Preparing yourself for whatever is coming tonight. Finally stepping out, struggling to pull off a smooth sexy strut as you head toward the clubhouse. All right. Let the party begin.

From the second you walk in, you feel downright soaked in pure sin. All you can see are half-naked strangers slobbering all over each other, bodies pressed together, a blur of sweat-slick skin and old worn-out leather. The place stinks of sex, smoke and liquor, and you couldn’t possibly feel any sicker. Oh God, this is straight up disgusting—fuck this shit, you think, regretting having ever decided to come...

But before you can turn and head straight out the door, you lay eyes on the king, and remember exactly why you had accepted the invitation into his fucking kingdom. And all of a sudden your senses go numb and your slutty ass feels... right at home.

“There you are,” he greets you with a ravenous growl in his voice that resounds over all of the noise. “Now the party’s about to start. Glad that I got you to come, sweetheart.”

The gorgeous motherfucker’s lips curve up into a smirk, as he utters that sinful little word, and it has got to be the hottest fucking thing you’ve ever heard.

“Don’t get too cocky, Jax,” you tease him back, as his piercing blue eyes devour your entire figure, clearly pleased to see that you’re practically naked. “Still gonna have to work at that... I haven’t come just yet.”

He snickers, lustfully biting his lip as he reaches around you to grab at your ass through your dress, rendering you a dripping mess just at the touch of his fingers. “No, but already soaking wet, I bet.”

Oh God, yes... those are the only words that come into your head, a silent gasp for air, as his big strong frame slams you up against the nearest wall and holds you there, one hand upon your ass now as the other tangles roughly in your hair.

“Darlin’, you got any clue just how bad I’ve been wanting to fuck you?” he snarls, breathing heated against your skin, making your pussy clench and your toes curl. “You know, ever since this fine ass came to town... all those times you would come around... Christ, all I’ve wanted to do... is just pin you the fuck down... and show the whole fucking world who you belong to. Claim you as my dirty girl.”

Every word from his mouth has you spiraling down into some sort of sex-drunk submissive daze. Lost in a haze, everything else around you fades... until you realize, in a split second, that you and Jax are the focus of literally everybody’s gaze. Looking over his shoulder at the whole rest of the room, you are beyond surprised to find all fucking eyes on you and him. You feel the blood drain from your face. This seems like honestly too much to take—and yet you can’t deny, something about the spectacle of all of this has got you feeling... well, some kind of way...

“Yeah, they’re all watching, babe,” Jax devilishly taunts, reading your mind, lips on your neck and hands groping your tits and God that feels fucking divine. “Like the attention? Kinky little thing, I know it turns you on. What’d’ya say we fuck in front of them and give ‘em what they want?”

It’s not as if you have a choice, when Jax Teller is talking in that motherfucking mouthwatering voice. At this point you are nothing but his filthy fucking toy.

Now that your fate has been sealed as exactly that, he’s gonna give you the most epic sex you’ve ever fucking had.

Handling you like a damn rag doll, Jax swiftly shifts off of the wall, then throws you down over a pool table conveniently nearby, with your back pressed against the surface as he stands between your open thighs and effortlessly rips your dress to shreds. Strips off your thong next, tattered lace lost in a heap down on the floor between your legs. The look on his breathtakingly beautiful face with every move he makes is just pure fucking sex. 

And just like that, here in a room packed full of people most of whom you’ve never met, you are stark fucking naked, legs spread, soaking wet and loving every goddamn minute since apparently you’re seriously fucked up in the head.

Staring straight up into his blazing bright blue eyes, as he so proudly claims you as his prize, you’ve never felt so damn alive. But also dead.

“Mmm, look at that...” he hums, teasing your wet cunt with a cruel flick of his thumb. “Who fucking owns this pretty pussy, hmm? This nice tight ass you got?”

Oh, God—how is it even possible for everything he says and does to be so fucking hot...? Though you can barely speak, needy and weak, you know this bastard has demanded that you answer. So you tell him what is so painfully true. “You do, Jax. All you.”

He growls in pleasure, and you couldn’t possibly get any wetter. You’re officially the property of Jackson Fucking Teller. And he wants to hear you say it, which is just about the hottest fucking thing ever. “Tell ‘em, whore. Tell the whole room who fucking owns you. Wanna hear you tell ‘em who.”

And so you do. The words fall freely from your open mouth. You say it loud and proud. “Jax Fucking Teller owns my ass.”

The room responds with raucous shouts and cheers, resounding in your ears. You barely even notice, though, because now Jax has started stripping off his clothes—everything’s happening so fast—and as you lay eyes on his downright godlike body you are not sure just how much longer your slipping grip on sanity can last. He hasn’t even taken out his cock yet, but the moment that he does... you’re pretty sure you won’t even be conscious anymore.

So you form words, while you still can, beholding this god of a man. “Want you to show ‘em, Jax. Please. Show off how you own me. Fuck me like just what I am, your dirty little whore. Show them I’m yours.”

Jax doesn’t need to be asked twice. Next thing you know his massive cock is finally free, the fucking perfect piece of meat standing so tall and proud and hard between his strong muscular thighs, and he wastes no damn time at all giving exactly what you need. He takes a firm hold of your knees to spread your legs out even wider to receive everything that he has to give... and then he drives his cock inside you in one swift soul-crushing thrust and Jesus Christ, as every fiber of your being dies, you realize that until this moment you had never truly lived.

You barely register anything else that’s happening around you, but on some level you do. It’s even hotter knowing just how much the whole crew is enjoying this amazing fucking view.

“God, that’s so fucking hot...” Juice mutters from his front row spot, stupidly hoping no one else will notice as he scrapes your tattered thong off of the floor and stuffs it quickly in his pocket.

Tig snickers loudly from where he’s standing nearby. “You little pervert. We all saw that.”

Juice points his finger at the guy. “Pervert? Seriously? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black...”

In the meantime, none of that got past the king. Jax doesn’t miss a thing, and he’s possessive of his property, beyond belief. He promptly shoots a sharp glare at the thong thief. “Think you can try and take what’s mine? I’m gonna be needing that back.”

The look on Juice’s face, at that... you cannot help but laugh, and have a little pity. Something about this whole dynamic with the audience around you has restored a little sanity and dignity, and you’re able to string words together, even while you’re still getting completely fucked to pieces by Jax Teller. 

“Aw, let him have it, Jax. Poor guy’s just picking up scraps. You’re the one who still owns my whole ass.”

Chiming in with his distinctive accent, Chibs echoes your laugh with an approving clap. “Now would ya look at that. So generous! Jackie Boy, you got yourself there one hell of a lass.”

You smile at him with a playful wink as Jax keeps pushing deeper in, his cock seemingly harder with every thrust, bigger the farther it sinks. “Fuck yeah, he does. You jealous?”

“Aye, as if you have to ask...”

Jax doesn’t like it when you spend more than two seconds with your eyes on anybody else. Although he knows no one’s an actual threat, that fact still doesn’t change how possessive he gets. He takes his hands off of your legs now to powerfully grab your head, keeping your face in place just where he wants it, your gaze fixed on him alone as he keeps fucking you dead.

You can still hear the chorus of indistinct voices:

“Fuck her up!”

“Own that slut!”

“Pound that pussy, Pres!”

And so he does, making you moan and beg him for more, spouting out filth like a two-dollar whore, as his huge monster cock brings you closer and closer to climax. “Fuck yes—Jesus Christ, holy fucking shit—destroy me with that dick—God, you’re so big—fuck, Jax...!”

It feels like you’re about to burst. Happy, for one, seems to want that to happen. He’s more into the action than the words. “Just shut her up and fuck her harder. Till it hurts.”

You didn’t think that it would be humanly possible for Jax to fuck you any harder than he has been, in these past however many fucking minutes... but apparently it is. And the mind-blowing pain that it causes is pure fucking bliss. All of a sudden he picks up the pace, hips ramming into you so hard the table seems about to break, grunting and groaning out with every move he makes and leaning down to suck the screams out of your mouth, drilling deeper into every inch of your body and drowning you in his delicious taste as he devours your face.

Fuck if that’s not a one-way ticket straight to subspace.

Although your consciousness is all but gone, you try to stay afloat now as Jax pulls back from the kiss to ask one last question. “Who owns this fucking cunt?”

You couldn’t give less of a shit just how insane you sound right now. You’re honestly just proud that you can speak English somehow. “You own this cunt! You own my whole entire ass! You fucking own me, Jax! You... fucking... unghhhh...”

The whole entire room knows what’s about to happen. And as you come undone, some part of you can hear them jeering, cheering, every one of them so damn proud and supportive of their king... 

But for the most part you can only hear and see and feel one thing: Jax Fucking Teller all around you, deep inside you, splitting you right fucking open, filling you up with his white hot cum until it feels as if your whole goddamn existence served the sole purpose of leading up to this one perfect moment, to this epically earth-shattering explosion...

There is no better feeling in the world than being owned by him. You know it now, and so does everybody in this room. Damn did he show them. Just as you had asked. Jax Fucking Teller went off and did that. Showed off ow utterly and undeniably he owns your whole entire fucking ass.

You end up spending just a few more lazy minutes making out, tongues halfway down each other’s throats. “Mmmm, glad that I got you to come, Y/N,” he gloats, again, smirking in smug satisfaction now that the task is finally done.

But the night is still young. So you tell him. “Well, Teller—you should know that your dirty girl has three fuckable holes... and you’ve only fucked one.”

***************

Thank you for reading!!! Writing this was TOO MUCH FUN. Hope you enjoyed it and would love to hear if you did! 🤗❤️

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#jax teller #soa #sons of anarchy #charlie hunnam #jax teller smut #soa smut #sons of anarchy smut #charlie hunnam smut #jax teller imagine #soa imagine #sons of anarchy imagine #charlie hunnam imagine #jax teller fanfiction #soa fanfiction #sons of anarchy fanfiction #charlie hunnam fanfiction #jax teller x reader #jax teller x you #charlie hunnam x reader #charlie hunnam x you

[thefallenbibliophilequote]

This Love

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 11

"Timing is a funny thing"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 6,196

Warnings: angst, nightmares that include: panic attacks/catcall with a light fight, fluff finally!

A/N: I love this song so much! We are so close to the end! I got into a writer's block when I started this chapter, so it took me a while to get to writing it, and in the end it turned out into my favourite chapter that I have written! I hope you'll like it, comments are appreciated! Also, there is a literary reference here, if you notice it you're awesome!

A/N2: thank you @chrissquares for the beautiful dividers! And @nacho-bucky for beta reading!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

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Song on Spotify and YouTube

The darkness in your room was darker than you remembered. Usually when you were awoken in the middle of the night, it was because of Loki.

But now as you realized Loki wasn't in your room, you got up and walked sleepily to the hallway from your room, then you heard it- and you knew that the heavy footsteps you heard on the floor of the living room were not Loki's.

You held your breath, feeling the panic take over you but you refused to let whoever was in there hear your short intake of breath. Padding quickly into the bathroom, you closed the door and locked it.

Then you let yourself breathe.

The beat of your heart was ringing in your ears, you tried to breathe but all you could think about were the possibilities of whoever or even whatever is in your house right now. Loki had told you all about the magic of the universe, but you also saw him getting back from battles with nasty scars and he wouldn't tell you about the creatures that made them.

You looked around the room, which proved to be difficult when your watery eyes blurred your vision.

You forgot your phone, you couldn't call anyone. Fear took over you again, it felt as if you were drowning, your own tears were making you weak and you couldn't seem to control it.

Hiding yourself in the corner of the room, you took the first thing that resembled a weapon and held the hair straightener protectively as you made yourself as small as possible when the sounds outside of the door got louder.

All you wanted was for Loki to show up just in time and get you out of here.

The fear took over you yet again and the door was knocked down. All you saw was a blue creature at your door. You screamed in fear and your vision went dark, all you felt was fear.

•

Loki watched your body lying there motionless besides the minute movements behind your eyelids that he was sure only he and the supersoldiers could see. Doctor Cho and Doctor Banner were running every test they could on you. It wasn't long before they figured out what Hydra did to you.

Barnes was the first one to figure it out. He was stuck inside his own mind for so long, he saw you going through the same thing. But for you, for you they trapped you using your own powers against you. Capturing you and keeping you awake by horrible emotions that you felt.

Loki stood next to you, wiping a tear that escaped down your cheek.

Sitting down at the edge of the white bed you were lying on, he tried to calm his nerves enough to leave his physical form and feel you, feel your powers, search for a way in.

And he found you there, just barely within reach. He could almost touch you, he could feel your powers caressing his own- that was before he was thrown back into his own body with such force that he regretted giving you such powers.

"I gave them to you, and now you won't let me in?" he grumbled and rubbed his eyes. He looked at you bitterly, but no it was not at you but rather your aura that surrounded you, your powers keeping you in place- supposedly trying to keep you safe.

All he wanted to do was to keep you safe, that was why he got here in the first place. He knew though, he knew that this love he has for you will eventually overpower any ancient spell there could be. He couldn't doubt it.

Your love died and was brought alive back from the dead, fate brought you back to him like the tides, and now currents swept you out again from his reach but you said so many goodbyes before that surely you will say hello again. He held onto that hope. Hope was such a ruinous thing, he never dreamed of having it or accepting it into his life.

When he was in the darkest of places, with the most horrid torment being forced upon him- you were the one thing that kept him sane even when you weren't there. You were the permanent mark on his heart that no torture could wipe off.

And now he was sitting right next to you, and he couldn't help ease the torment that you were in.

So he sat next to you, his fingers on your temples as he tried to somehow reach you, if merely for a moment. But all he got was resistance, and he was growing tired.

"Loki? Cho wants to run some tests." He saw the captain standing at the door, the bags under his eyes were dark and noticeable even for a super soldier. "Would you mind joining me?"

The captain tilted his head to outside, and Loki merely nodded.

•

Steve stood in front of the floor to ceiling windows in the common room, waiting as Loki came and looked outside next to him.

He was at a loss of words as they stood there in silence, not knowing how to approach the conversation. Steve knew his backstory, he knew what drove him to attack New York- but he still attacked it. The man who stood next to him was still the man who terrorized earth, brainwashed his friends, killed 80 people in 3 days, and hurt you twice. Steve wasn't there to protect you from the hurt the first time, but he was there the second time when he had to hold you in his arms.

Then you got taken away and Loki came back to help him, to get you back.

"Just say what you want to say, don't mewl it over." Loki simply said in his elegant but impatient voice. Was it impatient now, or nervous?

"Is there any progress in getting through to her?" Steve cleared his throat.

"As of right now, no there isn't. The witch is trying to lower her defenses but even she can't reach her." Loki knew his options, and for the slim chance that you would be okay and take him back- he knew he needed to be on the good side of the captain. He wasn't one to reveal his thoughts and intentions, but he knew the captain means a lot to you, and for you he would do anything. "I am still trying, Captain. I'm not going to stop until… we get her back."

He kept looking forward even when he felt Steve's gaze turning to look at him. He let Steve analyze his words, and then he matched his gaze. It was quiet before Steve spoke up again.

"Thank you."

"I'm certain that if we have one thing in common it's that both of us would do anything for her. I recognize my mistake of leaving her." He leaned away from the window pane when the captain turned to face him.

"While I appreciate the help, Loki, I had to sit with her while she cried after you left her. Hurt her again, and I assure you that not even Thor will be able to protect you from me."

Seeing the dark look in Steve's eyes made Loki want to scoff at Captain America's threat, but he couldn't blame him. Watching you cry the first time almost made him stay.

"I already deserve worse, so I won't fight you if that were to happen." With his hands clasped behind his back he, with certainty, stated. "It won't."

Then he went around the captain back to the room you were in.

•

With a reluctant and a little frightened Helen Cho, Loki brought you back to your room, enchanted the door shut and put your limp form on the bed, with your back on the headboard and your head lightly lulled back onto a pillow he put behind it.

Sitting next to you, he took both of your hands in his and suddenly he got reminded of that fateful night in your apartment when he held you scared in the dark.

He let his green light shine and he saw a soft purple aura surround your body. He closed his eyes and tried to reach you.

Focusing on the feeling of you, touching him with your aura, he let you take his all.

Then your head fell onto his shoulder and he saw you.

You were in a crowded street, walking towards where Loki stood now watching you.

You faltered in your step and looked to your right when you heard the sentence that was uttered by a guy that was half leaning on a red building brick, blocking the passage of a blonde girl who tried to step away from his frame.

"Oh come on, don't play coy, you wouldn't have worn this tight outfit if you didn't want the attention." His smirk disgusted you and you changed your pace to go to where they were standing.

"I told you to go away." She replied to him, but he didn't budge.

"Sweetheart lighten up, I'm complimenting you, so come on got a smile for me?"

"Hey, she told you to back off so back the hell off and stay away from her!" he laughed at you.

"Maybe you should stay out of this conversation, I am talking to the pretty girl here-" he sent a hand to grab her arm but before he could catch it you threw him back and twisted his arm.

"Do not touch her." Your voice was dark, and while Loki didn't know what he was seeing, he couldn't help but smile at your actions. You pushed him back and muttered, "I really wish the worst for you."

Thinking it would get him to go away, you were about to turn to see if the girl was alright when you felt pain in your stomach as the man hit you and threw you onto the curve where people cleared away from the fight. You looked up at him and you felt something different inside you, it was probably the adrenaline. But the second your eyes met his, you watched his eyes go wide and he started to let out screams, they never stopped, you never stopped looking at him. He fell to the floor, curling in on himself and you went to stand up.

The feeling inside you was strange now, you could feel the anger subside and now you watched him still breathing hard on the floor.

"Stop it, stop it- please." He tried to look up at you, your heartbeat sped up and you felt sick- Was he talking to you? He looked up at you and tears were on his face.

You looked around at the people that where watching you and suddenly like dominos they began to sink down onto the floor, crying and shuddering. Your heartbeat got faster with each scream you heard and they only got louder.

"What is happening?" your voice was shaking and you couldn't move.

Loki realized what scene he was looking at in your life, then he watched the girl in the black suit next to you, she seemed to hold her own against the pain that he knew you affected her with and she pulled out a black device. He recognized her, but he knows you didn't so he didn't put his attention on her.

He went back and looked at you, going forward to try and calm you down but before he could touch you, you collapsed on the floor and he was sent back and out of your dream.

"Please stop this, I don't know what's happening." He heard you cry from a distance.

•

Steve sat in the kitchen alone with a cup of hot tea. It was hard for him to see you that way and being so helpless because he couldn't help you. So he tried to stay away. But as he stared down at the mug, he couldn't help but think about the first time he met you.

Steve was walking out of the elevator at the ground floor of the Stark tower with a file in his hand, he looked up and saw four men with weapons surrounding a girl in civilian clothes and Sharon walked with her. When the blonde saw Steve she dismissed the guards and walked towards him with the girl.

Steve studied you now that you weren't blocked from his view. Your y/h/c hair fell lightly on your face and he noticed you keeping your eyes down on the ground even when you were near him already.

"Hey Steve, did you get updated on the new mission?" Sharon asked him and when he nodded she saw him looking at you partially.

"Yeah, I did."

"This is Y/N. Y/N, meet Steve." Steve put out his hand to shake your hand and it took you a moment before you raised your hand to his.

"Hi." You said to him and when you finally looked up at him he sent you a smile.

"What are you doing here with Sharon?" Steve didn't ask about the guards and he tried to maintain eye contact with you, it seems to be a struggle for you.

"Oh, she just-" you looked over at the agent looking for some help but she only nodded at you. "Found me, I accidentally ruined her operation and she took me here to- to help me."

You hated the way your voice stuttered, then again you couldn't really blame yourself, your day took a turn you weren't expecting, you didn't even know what happened.

Steve's eyes proved to be nothing but comforting though.

"Well, is there anything I can help you with?" you began to shake your head and Steve thought he lost you when you looked back at the floor, shutting your eyes for a bit.

Heavy steps came behind Sharon then.

"Agent 13, we need to get the girl to the lab now, she cannot be here." He heard the guard say and saw you flinch momentarily at his voice and the weapon he held. He did not like that reaction.

"Everything is fine here. I'll protect her." He straightened up and looked at the guard.

"She doesn't need protection captain, she needs to be contained." He chuckled but Steve's features stayed stern.

"The captain said we are okay here." Sharon dismissed the guard.

She started to take you away and towards the elevators when Steve stopped her.

"It's alright, I'll walk with you Y/N is that okay?" he smiled when you looked up at him and nodded.

"Yes, thank you Steve." Sharon told you that she will come to check on you in the lab later, and you entered the elevator with Steve.

"Don't you have other stuff you should be doing?" you asked him, breaking the silence and he laughed.

"Maybe, but you seem much nicer."

"He was right though, he was there to protect other people from me."

"Well," he turned to you with a slight smirk. "I don't know what happened but I doubt you are going to hurt me, besides- I'm sure I can take you down myself."

You scoffed at him, suddenly forgetting about what made you end up in this situation.

"Well how can you be so sure? I can be dangerous when I want to be."

"Is that so? I do not think so." You raised an eyebrow.

"What if I am a super assassin? You can't know!"

"I'll still win."

"Oh fuck off." You huffed at him but a small smile played on your lips.

"Language!" he said and silence took over the small elevator as you looked at him in shock and he looked at you, before you started laughing at him, unable to control yourself.

Steve let himself smile a bit as you laughed beside him.

•

You didn't know where you were. All you knew was the pain in your heart and the rain drenching you as water surrounded you. You were drowning and it was never ending.

The wet wood of the ship floor under you turned ever so darker in the midst of the storm and rain. You looked around you only to see nothing but rushing waves you tried to shout for help but it came out as silent screams with the sound of the thunder, the sinking ship you were trapped on tilted to the side as you tried to get to the top of the deck.

You clung to the closest wooden poll you could find, trying to get to the figurehead on the deck when the ship rattled and tilted as it sank farther.

Then you saw him.

"Loki!" you called out to him, momentary relief flooded you when he showed up just in time. You tried to reach out to him, grab his hand when he offered his hand forward, but it was out of reach.

"Jump to me, I'll catch you." You heard him tell you, you clung to the poll before taking a leap and reaching out as much as you could for him.

But you couldn't reach him, and he let you fall. You didn't know what pained your heart more. But all you felt was pain.

•

Loki lied in your bed. He had taken over it while you were in the med bay for the last couple of days. It wasn't a question, and he was not one to ask permission.

He tried to get some sleep, tossing and turning, there was always a new struggle sleeping through the night when you weren't next to him. He turned to face your side of the bed. You weren't there but he still smiled to the ghost of you. Sometimes in a flicker of light he thought he could see you, but you were still gone.

You were laying in bed with Loki, turning out the lights and then jumping back on the bed, getting under the covers and cuddling to Loki, putting your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"So, you still haven't answered me."

"My response is clear then." He shrugged off and you playfully slapped his shoulder.

"I am really asking, we have been dating for a long time now and my birthday is soon so don't you think I deserve it?"

"You can't play the birthday card with me, darling." He chuckled into your hair and planted a kiss there. "How do you even remember that? It was so long ago and it is just nonsense."

"You said that you will take me one day for a ball in Asgard, now I am taking you on your word. That silver tongue of yours that got you me will also be the one to take you down. I want an Asgardian ball." You poked his chest

"I said that I will one day, I did not specify when, so I am well within my rights to turn your request down, darling. You should know better than to argue with a trickster god." He poked your side which made you giggle. "We have an eternity together, why rush it?"

You looked up at him and the love in his eyes seemed to glow in the dark room. You only smiled at him.

"What's in that pretty little head of yours, petal?" he stroked your arm and looked down at you.

"I feel like I'm falling in love with you all over again." You whispered.

"You're already in love with me." He chuckled and nudged his nose with yours.

"I fell in love with you once, I can and will fall in love with you again." He couldn't help the grin on his face, oh the things you did to him.

"Well then, I'll always catch you when you fall."

•

Loki was back where he started, in the cold med bay. He wasn't cold of course but he saw the goose bumps on your skin.

"I'll get you out of there, petal." He brushed his thumb across your cheek when yet another tear slipped.

He leaned in to kiss your cheek before he cradled your face in his hands, focusing on your energy yet again.

You were in your apartment with your head down as you listened to Loki talk more and more.

"I just can't understand why are you leaving me like this?" you lifted your teary gaze to look at him, but he was cold.

"Mortals are so naïve," he darkly huffed at you. "Did you really think you meant something to me? Pathetic."

"We had such a good time together, you're my best friend, my lover and I-"

"I am none of those, it was simply interesting to study the humans, to pass the time with one of them. But you're not interesting anymore."

"So, you're just throwing me away? You promised you'll stay with me!" you sniffed, trying to wipe the tears away but they just kept pouring. He was breaking your heart like all the other promises he made and you couldn't find any emotion in his eyes. "Have you ever even loved me?"

"No." it was a simple word, and you hated the small smile on his face. "I'm just being honest with you now, don't you think that is rather kind of me? I am a god after all, and you're just a puny mortal, a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore me and think it is returned."

"You're not being nice, Loki, no. you're just being so casually cruel in the name of being honest." You fell to your knees, with a new fresh wave of tears.

Loki stood behind you as he watched all of the things that are being said to you- from him, you think he is saying those things. You were on your knees in front of him, believing he could ever hate you.

You were paralyzed in time, frozen by his words. You couldn't stop the tears, you've never felt this hurt. It felt like the room was filled with invisible smoke.

Then you felt a hand on your shoulder, grabbing you fiercely. You dropped the hands from your face, hopeful Loki will take you back. But when you looked up, he was still standing, sneering at you. You felt a new wave of pain but then the hand on your shoulder tightened and you turned back to see-

"Loki?" your voice was low and it almost broke his heart.

"Yes my love, I'm here you're okay." You turned your head and saw Loki still standing above you.

"I'm sorry Loki, please stay with me, you're all I have." You cried to him, then the hand on your shoulder turned you around fully and you saw Loki yet again, he was crouching down next to you.

"No, don't listen to him. I love you, I'll always love you. You have to believe me, I will get you out of this- you are not alone anymore." You shook your head at his words, your head was feeling fuzzy.

"No, you hate me." You said it with certainty. And Loki had to clench his jaw, he needed to treat this delicately if he wanted to get you out.

"Don't listen to what he said, he is not real. I'm sorry I left you, but it's different now, just let me show you." Loki begged to any gods out there that your powers will let him get through to you and alter them. He put his fingers on your temples, closing his eyes for a second, he focused on you- fighting every barrier your mind was posing in front of him.

When he finally found you, you could suddenly breathe again despite still having a headache. You looked around you and saw you were now in a different living room. You looked back and the other Loki was gone, the only Loki was the one in front of you and looked at you with so many emotions in his blue eyes.

"Loki, what is-" you still felt another pain in your chest and Loki was back at getting through to you.

"Let me show you why this is different," he gestured to all the people you saw laughing and having conversation on the couches in the room. "You have me now, I'm not going anywhere. And you have a family now."

One guy on the sofa suddenly raised his beer towards you and smiled at you.

His name is Steve. You knew him. You smiled back at him a bit.

Then you heard a small laugh followed by a giggle.

Her name is Natasha, and that's Wanda next to her.

New tears streamed down your face.

"I don't understand." You looked to Loki, who was now standing up.

"You have a family now, and you have me and I'll never leave you alone." He extended his hand to you, looking down at where you still sat on the ground. "Come back to me, love."

You kept looking at him, and then back at the people who seemed more and more familiar.

You took his hand and slowly you got up, he was right beside you, holding you up.

Now that you were standing and could see him better, he looked like the Loki you knew, the real one.

"Help me hold onto you." You begged.

"I'll catch you, just come back to me."

With another step you fell forward onto his chest, the next second it was gone and your eyes blew wide when you rose up from the bed you were in.

Before you could get your bearings, still in shock, you felt Loki's comforting embrace take you.

"You came back to me." His voice was but a whisper murmured before he lightly kissed your cheek. You noticed his heaving breath matched your shocked one.

Your mind couldn't wrap up around where you were or what was happening, but all you knew for certain now was that Loki was here with you, holding you, and so you knew you were safe.

•

"So that was all me?" you asked Loki.

He nodded and still kept you close to his chest for comfort, he didn't know whose.

"What they did to you, I assure you they will pay for it. Each and every one of them will know that they should not have laid a single hand on you, my love."

He sealed it with a kiss to your forehead. But you didn't respond to it, still lost in your own head.

"No. It was all me, my powers did that." He took your hand in his and traced circles with his thumb on the back of your palm.

"Your powers are my fault." He admitted, Loki let the feeling of your skin on him ground him before he said the next words, "That night a long time ago, I casted an ancient spell on you- to protect you- but I must have got something wrong or I didn't think about how it would affect a human, and now you got the powers."

"I know, Loki. They used your wand to control my powers so I assumed my Asgardian powers were related to you." You then, to Loki's dismay, lifted yourself up on one elbow and looked sternly at the god in front of you. "You protected me, don't you dare blame yourself. Not even a bit."

You were met with a smile, his clear blue eyes were caressing you softly like water.

"What?"

"I missed you." He leaned up to reach you. "You came back to me."

You looked at your entwined hands.

"You are the one who came back to me, into my life." Loki kissed you shortly when a cough came from the door.

Steve stood there with wide eyes, and his hands clasped together. For his huge form he looked so little. You sent a smile to Loki who reluctantly got up from the bed and walked past the captain.

Once the door was closed Steve rushed to you as you got up from the bed and walked to him, meeting him halfway. He enveloped you in his tight embrace, you wrapped your hands around his neck and let him hold you, and you could feel yourself being slightly lifted from the ground.

You let your tears fall, you didn't know you needed to cry until he hugged you, you missed his comfort.

"I am so glad you're okay, I was so afraid," He said, and you could hear the strain in his voice.

"I was too, but now I'm here." You remembered flashes of what Loki showed you when you were stuck in your head. "I'm home, with my family."

He nodded and pulled you back to look at you.

"You are, of course you are Y/N- you're with me." You smiled, he wiped the tears from your face, and you put your head on his chest. "Kid, you mean so much to me, you know that right?"

"I do, and you mean a lot to me too, old man." He tickled your side and you laughed.

"That is not a way to talk to your elders."

The two of you swayed, you were still cradled in his arms when he broke the comforting silence. You could hear the hesitation in his voice.

"He is okay." You pulled back and looked into his eyes- he was serious.

"Really?" he closed his eyes and nodded with a groan. "I can't believe it- my big brother and my boyfriend getting along. And all I had to do was get tortured."

"Y/N, don't push it." You shrugged him off and went back to use his chest as a pillow.

"Oh give me a break, my ex kidnapped me." You could feel him glaring at you at the comment. "Sorry."

•

After sitting with all of your friends, you went back to your room, not surprised to see Loki lying on your bed, all ready to go to sleep.

"You could've joined us. I heard you and Steve talked. It would have been nice if you were with me." You changed from your clothes, Loki had healed your physical scars already, but you could still feel them.

"I figured you would want time with them, with your family." He stretched a hand out to you as you got onto the bed and under the covers.

"Well, are you-"

"Yes. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." You leaned in to kiss him before settling on your side next to him, facing him.

"You still didn't actually tell me why you left in the first place. You changing colours is not an excuse." You smiled a bit teasingly, his eyes left yours then- afraid of your reaction. "Tell me."

You asked him and he had to obey.

"Just before I left you, right before Thor's coronation,"

"Yeah I remember we talked about it, you said it'll be soon."

"Yes, well I decided to test how worthy he is of being a king, and then it turned into something bigger that I couldn't control and-" he stopped to take a breath, you put a hand on his cold cheek. "Then I found out I am actually a frost giant, a monster. Don't say I'm not, my love, let me finish."

You stayed silent and let him continue, tracing patterns on his skin, where you remembered the markings on his blue skin were.

"After that, I knew I had to let you go- to keep you safe. And with everything that happened afterwards- everything I went through- I don't regret leaving you when I did. It was the right choice."

You tried not to get overwhelmed by the new information he was giving you, and while it hurt- at least he told you, and you could somewhat understand.

"You didn't have to break my heart when you left."

"I'm a monster, Y/N you don't know what my kind is like." He raised his eyes to yours now.

"It doesn't matter at all, you are your own person- well god- you are Loki. You are mischievous and funny, cunning and loyal to those who are worthy of knowing you. I still know you Loki, and you are not bad- you're good. The fact that you hide it doesn't mean you're not."

He lowered his eyes again, and you knew he was holding himself together now, but you didn't push it. Apparently you weren't the only one who went through a lot. You knew there was so much more to his story, but that was for another night.

"Darling, we separated all those years ago, and it might have been for the best. I never thought I'd see you again." He brought you closer and held your chin so you will look up at him. "But timing is a funny thing; sometimes you never know what will find its way back to you again, so maybe now the timing is right. Maybe we weren't meant to be back then. The timing back then wasn't right, but maybe now, after we both grew, the timing is right."

You couldn't help but smile at him while you pondered his words.

"So, did you write that all down? Or was it just off the top of your head?" you teased and he laughed, you could swear that it was glowing in the dark.

"You're forgetting my silver tongue, dear." He smiled brightly at you and wondered what he could possibly have done right for him to have you in his arms again. "All I'm saying is- maybe these hands had to let it go free, so now at the right time you, my love, came back to me."

You knew those smiles and those laughs were reserved just for you, in the intimate moments where he let all of his guards down, and found his old happy self, when the two of you were alone.

"I love you Loki, so much." You connected your lips for just a moment and let yourself relish in the warm feeling that swept through your body as the soft touch. "This love that I have with you left a permanent mark on my heart, Loki I'm forever yours."

"I assure you then, my love, that it is returned. I'm yours." He said it so simply that it made your heart soar and you moved closer to kiss him again, this time fiercely. You pulled him down to meet your lips, pulling at his hair to stay close to you- not that he needed it, he will be damned if there was any space left between the two of you now.

He sucked on your bottom lip, biting on it just the way he knew you liked, and you moaned softly, letting his tongue slide past your lips. You felt the growl in his chest that was pressed against your own when he tasted you, and it only ignited the fire within you that only he could spark.

"Loki," you moaned and then he deepened the kiss further, making sure you felt everything that he was feeling, tasting every love he held for you- only you. He would stop the entire world, all the galaxies, so this night with you could be longer. He will make time stand still and make this last forever, let every god know that you were his and that he was yours and that a simple thing like time will not be able to keep you apart.

Your love was eternal, you could feel it with every beat of your heart with every touch of his skin with yours, and you could never doubt it. Oh if only the gods would lengthen the night so you could catch up with Loki about anything and everything.

Getting impatient by the second, you put your hands on his hips as he hovered over you and slowly lifted them up his torso and under the thin white shirt he wore. You let your hands wander, pulling him towards you and exploring him as if you didn't have every inch of him memorized in your very soul. You started dragging your hands lower and lower until Loki pulled back from you slightly, you couldn't help the whine that you let out.

"Loki, I need you." He caressed your cheek.

"Darling, you need to rest now. I said I will take care of you, so I will."

"You're not taking care of me now…" you pouted and tried to bring him closer, but he only fell onto his side and turned you around so your back was pressed against his chest.

"Get some rest now, I promise you will need it later." He whispered in your ear and with a kiss to your neck he murmured a good night into your hair.

"Good night, Loki." Your heart was still beating fast, but you were smiling like an idiot as Loki's steady rise and fall of his chest eventually made you match his breaths.

You were home. You were safe. You were loved.

Sleep took you easily once you realized that.

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

#my writing #this love #loki x reader #1989 #1989 taylor's version #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson x reader #loki #loki series #loki show #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson #loki imagine #loki fluff #fluff #loki angst #angst #loki 2021 #loki fanfic #fanfiction #taylor swift #mcu #marvel

[songficsbyrissi]

Make A Baby (T’Challa  x Reader)

“I'll be your Cinderella-ella (Aye) Then maybe you and maybe me Can maybe meet and m-m-make a baby Then maybe you and me Can meet and make a baby, let's make a baby” - Nicki Minaj

A/N: here’s an idea I thought about writing for MONTHS now but I thought it would be too stupid to write. However, with the tragedy we are currently facing, it wouldn’t hurt to write. If I tagged you in this and you’re not in the mood, please don’t feel obligated to but I wrote it to lift the mood. It’s all fluff and humor so I hope this puts a smile on your face through all the grieving 💞🙏🏾

************** You wanted a baby. You NEEDED a baby.

No ifs, ands, and buts about it.

You were ready to bring a life into this world and nurture it. All with your handsome husband King T’Challa. Simple enough, right?

Wrong. Here’s where the problem comes in.

You and T’Challa have only been married for 6 months. When you were engaged, you expressed to your future husband that you wanted to spend at least one year married before trying for a baby. Ultimately, he agreed with you. You know you wanted your husband all to yourself for a year or two before sharing him with a child, but shit changes. Your baby fever was at an all-time high and you wanted a baby now. You wanted to tell him but he seemed happy not having children right now. He got to live his life, do a whole bunch of dangerous shit, come and go as he pleases without worrying his children. He grew to love your agreement while you grew to hate it.

“Fuck it. I want a baby.” You declared quietly as you laid in bed next to T’Challa. The man stirred a bit and mumbled tiredly.

“What did you say, my love?”

Fuck. He was supposed to be 100% asleep. Well, there’s no backing out. Your mother raised a strong woman who says what’s on her mind. Here goes nothing.

“I said I’m feeling achy.”

Wow. You are a pussy. Your mother raised a pussy.

Your loving husband turned to you with a concerned but tired face. “Did you want me to call the medical staff? Because I-“

You bit back a groan and turned your back to him. “No, I’m fine. I just slept wrong. Go back to sleep.”

“Whatever you want, my love.” He planted a kiss on your shoulder and turned back around to sleep.

“I want you to nut in me.” You muttered under your breath.

“Pardon?”

“ I want you to butt and knee! Do some butt and knee workouts! Damn! Good night!”

The next morning, you smacked yourself on the forehead when you walked past the training grounds and saw your husband doing intense squats in his panther suit. He turned to see you and gave you a smile.

“Ahh, my Queen has come to see me do the butt and knee workouts! I am doing them right, Yes?”

You struggled to put on a fake smile and give him a wave as he demonstrated a squat for you. “Yes, you are, my love! Keep going! I’m proud of you!” You turned away and dropped your smile. You got your husband doing bad bitch workouts because you were too much of a pussy to tell him you want his baby. You gotta do better in life. You ran into Erik who was failing to hold back a laugh.

“Yo why the fuck is T on the training grounds trying to get thick?” Erik laughed harder, looking back at his cousin. “Nigga thinks he’s Megan the Panther or some shit!”

You glared at the laughing royal, crossing your arms. “Erik, it’s not funny. He’s only doing that because I’m an idiot.”

Erik stopped laughing and put on a face of puzzlement. “Wait what?”

You shook your head walking away. “Never mind. It’s a long story that you can’t help me with.”

He caught up to you and stood in your way. “And how do you know that?”

“Because you’re Erik. It’s ingrained in you to always have a bad idea.”

He put a hand on his chest in feigned hurt. “Ow, Ms. Queen! That hurt! You might as well slap a nigga in the face while you’re at it!”

“Oh, that was next. Now move out of my way, N’dickhead!”

“Hey! The nickname shit is my thing!” He shouted after you. “Damn, I miss being the only American here.”

You figured it out. You were going to try the subtle approach. Slightly let him know you were open to having a baby now and it was going to happen on your trip to the market.

The king held your hand tightly as you two walked through the market. You stopped at the carrots and saw an opportunity.

“BABY, look at those cute BABY carrots! Aren’t those BABY carrots so cute?!” You put emphasis on the word “baby.”

He gave you a weird look. “Uhh yes? They are adorable.”

You began to gush even more. “Don’t you wanna just have a BABY carrot?”

T’Challa smirked at you, shaking his head in amusement. “I see what you are trying to say.

You felt relieved as he grabbed you by your waist, lovingly. “You do?”

He planted a kiss on your forehead. “Yes I do and we shall prepare baby carrots when we get home.”

Yes! You were getting your baby! You couldn’t wait but you had to eat dinner first. Gotta get your energy up before you get your legs up. You sat on the opposite side of your husband at the royal table. You made eye contact with him and he winked at you, causing a non-visible blush to appear. The servants brought out the food and you were too stuck in your daydream until Erik’s voice broke you out of it.

“What the fuck is this?”

You looked down on your plate and your smile fell along with it. On the plate was Wakandan cuisine with a shitload of....baby carrots. What the fuck?! You glanced back at your husband who had a face splitting grin.

“What the fuck is this shit?!” Erik questioned and Queen mother slapped his head. “Ow Auntie!”

“Watch your language at the dinner table!” She scolded and turned back to her plate.

“Damn she picking up on the swears......”

“My queen pointed out to me multiple times that she wanted baby carrots today at the market so it is only right I had the chefs prepare some. I told you I could pick up hints, my love!” T’Challa declares happily, digging into his meal.

“Yeah...thank you, sweetheart.” You gritted out, popping a baby carrot in your mouth and you wanted to gag.

Not the gagging you were hoping to do today.

Once dinner was over, T’Challa had to attend a meeting with the tribes and you had Erik come beside you as you walked to the royal garden and you finally explained the weird shit that was happening.

“So what you’re telling me is that I had to sit at that table and eat those nasty ass carrots because you’re too pussy to tell your HUSBAND to give you his dumbass seed?!” Erik glared at you in disbelief. “I swear to God, y’all niggas make it hard for me to stay redeemed.”

You scoffed in annoyance. “Erik, this isn’t about you!”

“Like hell! It became about me when you made me eat those nasty ass carrots!”

You sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Alright! I'm sorry! If it makes you feel any better, I fucking hate carrots and I had to eat them.”

“Just tell that nigga, man. He don’t do hints or all that special shit. You just gotta be blunt and tell it like it is like I do.”

You thought about it and thought about it and finally shook your head. “Nahhhhh. Imma sneak it into a conversation.”

“You should not be this damn nervous to say you want to get nutted in.”

So the next approach was sneaking it into a conversation. How’d that work out? Well...

“Awww look at this! Russell and Ciara had their baby!” You showed him Ciara’s Instagram on your phone. You two were in his office, discussing a trade for him to sign off on.

“Who is Ciara again?”

You rolled your eyes. “A singer. She sang Goodies! My goodies! My goodies! Not my goodies!” You began to sing but he barely paid attention.

“Speaking of Ciara, there was a song meant for her that Nicki Minaj recorded-“

He finally looked at you. “Nicki Minaj! That’s the woman made a Friday the color of pink!”

Ok, so he half listens to you. “Uhhh sure, anyways, she recorded it but never released it. It’s called Make a baby. It’s goes, “maybe you and maybe me can meet and make a baby.” You stared into his eyes singing it slowly.

“Oh, I see why it was not released. No offense but The song sounds terrible.”

You groaned loudly slamming your head on the desk. Why did you marry such a gorgeous yet moronic man?! You should’ve have to spell this out for him.

“My love, do you always slam your head on surfaces? That might be the cause of your aches.”

Okay, so approach #1 and #2 did not work. How about approach #3?

You burst through the doors of his office on a mission.

“I want a fucking baby!”

Your eyes widened, seeing a group of superheroes in his office and not one glimpse of your husband anywhere. This group of superheroes were the fucking Avengers. You were embarrassed was an understatement. T’Challa came up beside you.

“Ahh, I see you’ve all met my beautiful queen, Y/N. Y/N, these are the Avengers.”

You waved sheepishly. “Hey...Avengers...”.

They awkwardly waved back at you in response.

“I heard you say something, my love. What is it?”

Shit. You definitely weren’t going to repeat the words now that you have an audience.

“I said Iran is a maybe! You don’t remember but remember when I said I was making a list of countries to visit next month and I said we were definitely going to Iran? Well, now it’s a maybe. A lot is going on over there. So it’s in the “maybe” column. Yeah.”

You must say, your ability to bullshit and bullshit quickly was impressive. If your future baby inherits that, you’re in trouble.

“Oh okay, we can discuss that later, my love.” He kissed your cheek and you awkwardly turned on your heel to leave the office. Just like that, approach 3 was a complete fail as well. You were such an idiot.

When T’Challa finally retired to your shared bedroom for the day, you were still wide awake. All these approaches were not working. Honestly, fuck approaches. Approaches were not getting you pregnant.

“T’Challa.”

“Yes, my love?”

“I want to have a baby.”

He shifted beside you. “I’m sorry?”

You sighed sitting up in bed and staring at him With all the sincerity you could muster. “I want to have a baby. I know I wanted to wait a year or two but I changed my mind. I’m ready to be a mother now.” You expected him to have a serious face, ready for a discussion but instead, he was....amused. Had his cheekbones poking out along with his signature smirk.

“I was wondering how long it would take for you to tell me that.”

“Oh my God! You knew?!?!!”

He sat up, chuckling at your expense. “Yes, I knew.”

You hit your husband in the chest. “You ass! How long did you know?!”

“When you said it in bed that one night,” T’Challa replied, causing you to hit him again.

“Wait so you had me making an ass out of myself to tell you I wanted to have your child?!”

He held his hands up in defense. “Hey, that was your choice, my love. You should have just told me, instead of creating all these complicated ways to say it. I am your husband. You should not have to beat around the bush with me.”

Damn, he was right. Damn, Erik was right. For once in his life. Damn him.

“So.....what do you say?” You asked sheepishly, avoiding eye contact. You made eye contact when he grabbed your chin and kissed your lips sweetly.

“My love, I’ve wanted children with you ever since I fell in love with you. I was always ready to be the father of your children but I wanted you to be ready to be the mother of my children.”

You smiled widely, kissing him again. “And I am. I am ready to give you children.”

T’Challa began to climb on top of you. “Then what is the holdup? I must...nut in you? Is that the proper language?”

“Yes! Yes, it is! Now do that!”

And unlike your approaches, it only took you and T’Challa one time to get what you wanted.

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