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fallenstar1996-blog · 1 year

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There comes a sad responsibility

With knowing what the world is really like.

This isn’t my first rodeo, to be honest I’ve seen the worst of the world at a young age and I know the taste of pain, of ripped flesh, of tears. I know the sting of betrayal and the crash that comes at the other side of idealism.

I saw you coming from a mile away but I squeezed my eyes shut and said “I will believe in faerie tales just one more time, damned be the cost.”

Honey I am so used to be misunderstood, unsafe, socially isolated, not an intellectual match for the masses let alone an emotional match. Spiritually awake, tip-toeing among a culture that feeds on hate. I saw your light and in it I felt God. Many worlds collided and even before I ever tasted you I felt the echo in nearby dimensions.

A collision that create an abyss, I hung onto your coat-tails as my facade of a life sank into the depths.

I was burning burning burning. The idea of being understood and having someone to navigate this world with delighted every cell of my being and reintroduced me to parts of myself that I had thought had went offline for good.

The timing just isn’t right. You’ve got to heal and process your life. And I know I need to process the drastic changes in mine too. It would be doing myself a disservice in the long run to not navigate the ending of my relationship with my baby-dad carefully. To give it the ceremony it deserves. Perhaps this is my immaturity, my longing for reunification. I knew we needed to heal first but the sad truth is that I was willing to be unhealthy if it just meant I could have you. And I also know that you can’t HAVE ANYONE. People aren’t possessions. We don’t own anything, even the moment. But as I can intellectualize this truth, I sit here in tears because it hurts so bad.

I’ve known pain intimately and I’ve also known that it’s never gotten any easier. I thought about potentially casting a spell, but I don’t want to do that either. The moon’s in the wrong phase anyway 🥹 waning gibbous is for getting rid of something…

Your soul came and knocked on the door to my being. I felt your unconditional love and that you’re sorry you’re hurting me. And that you will be back. I fully believe that we will reunite when we’re better and further along in our healing, I believe it to be true - however my anxious attachment whispers softly - what if you don’t? What if this is it? I try to push that away.

I am aware that I have a certain sickness when it comes to love. And that breaks my heart and makes me wonder if it will always be this way, if I will ever receive temperance when it comes to this sacred experience.

I’m a mess but I’ve made it through the first 2 days of you telling me you need time to process and get better without hurting myself even though I really wanted to.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this but I am doing it one piece at a time.

The price of love. The price of being deeply feeling.

#love #twinflame #empath #recovery self harm #breakup #space #trauma #tf #witch #borderline problems #twinflamejourney #blog #earthschool #recovery

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selfsabotagingcvnt · 4 months

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2024 is the year I heal

2024 is the year I have my biggest relapse yet

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desultory-suggestions · 1 year

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It’s easy to feel invisible, but if you disappeared so many people would notice and care. The neighbors who always see you walk by, the shop owner or the cashier at your grocery store, the dog next door that likes to bark at you, the person at work or school who’s still working up the courage to talk to you, the friends you think forgot about you when you lost track of each other, the babysitter you had when you were four. You have touched a million lives in perfect little ways. Do not underestimate your importance in this world, you deserve to be here and you are wanted here.

#suggestions #recovery #positivity #self love #mental health #ed recovery #self care #love #suicide #suicidal thoughts #depression #severe depression #anxiety #panic attacks #self harm

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ed-recoverry · 5 months

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Credit

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punkstylerecovery · 9 months

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if my body keeps score, will she remember when i grab another blanket to keep her warm? will she remember when i use mobility aids to make things easier for her? will she remember when i put down the blade and take a shower instead? does she recall the days i rest, when i watch our favorite shows and settle in to treat her with all the kindness i'm trying to convince myself we deserve? does she remember the love? does she recall the kindness? does she remember when i run my hands across our wounds and apologize? does she keep score of our healing?

#trauma recovery #tw self harm #sh mention #living with ptsd #punkstyle #disability #physical disability #cpunk #madpunk #actually disabled #ok to reblog #wrote this real quick so like #bear with me #but it got stuck in my head and #fjdaklhfjksalfdkja whatever #here you go #hope this like #does something for someone

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james-p-sullivan · 10 months

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#just saw the worst fucking take #tell me you’ve never struggled with addiction without telling me you’ve never struggled with addiction #god it’s almost as if people struggling with addiction are *checks notes* …people???#i love on the outskirts of east van #one of the hardest hit areas in North America when it comes to the opioid epidemic #i have seen people die of overdoses right in front of me #ive lost dear friends to addiction #it’s not that hard to have an ounce of fucking humanity #addiction #drugs related #i hate that drugs aesthetics was the first thing that popped up when I typed that #nice people take drugs #drugs take nice people #harm reduction #recovery #mental health #self compassion

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icryalotandiamnotproductive · 5 months

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Haven't updated in a while but I've been clean from self harm for over a month. I'm pretty proud of myself tbh

#sh #recovery #tw sh #self harm mention #it gets better #hope #hopecore #mental health #mental breakdown #depression #f u depression

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uncanny-tranny · 14 days

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So much love and recognition to the people who don't know how they feel about recovering. To the people whose scars are fading away, and there's a sinking feeling, despite knowing that it's a good thing. To the people who miss when they were "worse," when they felt "broken." To the people who mourn losing their coping mechanisms, even the ones that were destructive, scary, or unpleasant. To those who feel guilty they're healing because their past self wasn't ready.

Whatever it is, there is nothing wrong with any of those feelings. It's a natural reaction, something you don't have ultimate control over. There is nothing shameful about yourself, and I admire the strength it takes to recognize how you feel, even the parts that do feel like the "wrong" reaction to a Good Thing.

#mental health #self harm tw #self harm mention tw #sh tw #mental health recovery #mental health support #i love you i love you i love you #i admire you and empathize with you and want to be your fellow man. i want to share this wold *with* you #and that includes sharing a world that you aren't sure you deserve or are ready for #the world can wait. humans have been here for hundreds of thousands of years. it can wait #when i think about all this what makes me feel better is remembering how many billions of people have lived #and it makes me feel better to know that there has never been a problem too big to have - to uniquely awful #i have my own conflicted feelings about this because objectively i am healing #but it feels like i have boarded on land after surviving the worst trip to sea ever...#...a trip that was plagued with my ship being flung through hurricanes and lightnight and i'm only manning a sailboat...#...and i have found land and that land is good...#...but my legs feel like they will give out underneath me because this is solid land that i have never stood on...#...and you get used to the constant seasickness and sealegs and wondering *how* you'll make it out - If you will...#...the peace feels like a ruse at times because all you've known was chaos. but it's a good ruse and a comfortable one #and so you learn i guess to sink into the comfort like a spft feather pillow

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moonlit-positivity · 3 months

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Feeling suicidal?

Small things that can help:

Make your space safe. Remove any dangerous items & ask someone safe to hold ur meds etc.

Soothing soundscapes like rainforest, beach ambiance, etc. Even calming screensavers on YouTube like bubble aquariums and rainy moods, etc.

Vent, talk it out, cry it out, sleep it out

Angry yelling, into a pillow if you're concerned about noise

Allow yourself to feel bad. Nothing good comes from keeping it bottled up inside.

Music, art, dance, hobbies, distract with coping skills that engage ur body too

Soft blankets, teddy bears, comfort items

Allow your body to express it's pain. Cry, shake, shake ur shoulders, flail your arms, punch the air, stomp ur legs, scrunch up ur face in pain. It is okay to move! It is okay to make noise! It is okay to stomp around and pretend to be in a tantrum! This actually helps your body release pent up emotions! If ur worried about looking silly then find a private space to try some of these out.

Allow yourself to be destructive in other ways, like ripping up some old clothes or tearing pages out of a magazine

Normalize your feelings. You're not a bad person, but if you feel like you are then that's okay too.

Go outside, or look out the window

Remember that all emotions pass. This moment feels so big, and that's okay. It's gonna pass.

Simulate touch to your nervous system. Butterfly hugs (place a hand over your heart and lightly tap), self hugs, weighted blankets, hold comfort items to your chest. Something to signal to ur body that ur safe.

Leave sticky notes of encouragement around ur house. Ur favorite affirmations, words you really wish someone would say to you, and maybe some reminders that you are safe & strong & capable & you're gonna be okay

Moodboards, vent art, visualize and express your pain (can be gory & explicit. It's your pain, express it however you need to)

Think of yourself as being sick with a cold. You need a blanket and a bowl of chicken noodle soup. What kinds of things can help soothe you while you're feeling this way?

Big things that can help:

Make space for what you're going through

Learn how to say "no" to other people's bullshit more often

Talk about the bullshit that's dragging you down more often

Learn how to notice things that make you explode inside

Make the effort to commit to a hard change even if it's gonna be hard & ruffle some feathers

Even if those feathers "support you", even if you love them, even if they're your family or a close friend, if they're causing you more harm than good then it's time to let em go

Accept your current position. This means to stop denying & pretending that you're not feeling pain. There is no need for you to keep "sucking it up" until you're fucking dead. Accept that this is where you are so you can start to move towards a safer space.

Adapt a policy of genuine honesty with yourself and everyone else around you

Make an effort to complain a lot more than you do now, preferably in safer spaces that can support & hold space for you. That's actually gonna help you figure it out for yourself.

Be more selective with who gets access to your time and energy

Cut the dead weight & loose ends

Allow yourself to grieve and mourn a helluva lot more than you do now

Allow yourself to express your anger and disappointment at the world & the bullshit you've had to endure

Find ways to give back to yourself

Find ways to restore your faith in yourself & in humanity

Cultivate yourself a safe space

Prioritize safety, healthy communication, mutual respect, consent, boundaries, and self compassion

Dig in deeper with yourself, your thoughts, feelings, & emotions and start validating & finding ways to be more tolerable of yourself

Learn how to take a break when you need it

Find ways and inspiration to keep you going through the darkest moments

You are worth the effort. You are worth the effort to prioritize yourself, you are worth the effort to prioritize your health, stability, & peace of mind. Things aren't gonna change overnight, and these feelings of hopelessness may be too largely overwhelming to move by yourself. You've gotta start somewhere though. Baby steps. One foot in front of the other. You will get there.

Hope this helps 🌸

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swollenbabyfat · 3 months

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Soft feelings

#mental health #healing #self harm recovery #furry #comic #sketch comic #lapine #swollen #self harm cw

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sharpenerheart · 1 year

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Relapse

Recovery

Relapse

Recovery

Relapse

Recovery

Relapse

#tw self destructive behavior #tw self destructive thoughts #nssi #selfharn #cvtaddict #self destruction #self mutalition #sh recovery #tw cvtting #tw shelf harm

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ezsdiary · 7 months

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the healing process of $h sucks, it's so itchy

#angst #dissapointment #tw depressing stuff #death cw #self h@rm #self sabotage #tw s3lf harm #tw sui vent #tw sui implied #recovery #self h@te

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lousydrawingsforgoodpeople · 1 year

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#doodles #bad art #lousy drawings #doodle #positivity #self love #healing #recovery #ed recovery #eating disorder recovery #self harm recovery #cutting recovery #anorexia recovery #mental health #trauma recovery #ana recovery #love yourself #fuck diet culture

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whumpshaped · 2 months

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hii could you please write something about a whumpee post rescue that is recovering at caretaker's house and is so paranoid

like they heard a sound at night and believe whumper is in the house somehow trying to recapture them, so they hurry to the kitchen to grab a knife to defend themselves

they're very delirious so when someone shows up in the dark they don't think twice before attacking.. only to after realize it's caretaker!! they don't get to seriously hurt caretaker tho, because caretaker defended themselves

comfort afterwards too, everyone loves a whumpee breaking down crying

thx bye I love your stories :D

content: past trauma, paranoia, delusions, knives, recovery, comfort, suicide mention, self harm mention

Whumpee lay rigidly still in their bed, breaths coming quick and shallow, heart and thoughts racing. They couldn't believe it. Or more like, they didn't want to believe it.

They were back. Whumper was back. After months, they'd finally managed to track them down, and now they were here to drag them back into their personal hell.

Whumpee swallowed and forced a cramped, tense leg out from under the covers. Then another. They carefully let the soles of their feet touch the cold, wooden floor, then shifted their weight onto them and stood up. They crept to the door and opened it a crack, listening for Whumper.

Silence.

Of course, whatever noise they'd heard was probably a mistake on Whumper's part. If everything had gone according to their plan, Whumpee probably wouldn't have been given a rare warning like that. It was futile to wait for another. They had to act.

They slowly padded across the hallway and into the kitchen, opting for one of the bigger knives on the counter. Opening a drawer was out of the question, too loud. The lights stayed off as well, for obvious reasons. All they knew was the handle of the knife pressing into their palm as they gripped it firmly, and the rushing of blood in their ear.

They weren't going back. They weren't fucking going back. If push came to shove, they could even slit their own throat instead of Whumper's. Anything to avoid recapture.

Suddenly, Whumpee saw them; the shadowy figure moving towards them. They raised their arm just as Whumper switched on the lights, and they swung— and missed.

"Whumpee!"

They swung again, but this time Whumper — wait, Caretaker? — grabbed their wrist.

"Whumpee! Calm down! It's me! It's me, it's just me, you're not in danger!"

"C-Caretaker...?" The adrenaline was still pumping in their system, and Whumpee yanked their hand out of their friend's grasp. "We have to go! We have to leave! They're here!"

"Who? Whumpee, what do you see? What happened?"

"I'm not— don't treat me like I'm crazy!" they snapped. "I heard them! Whumper! They're here, we have to go!"

"Okay," Caretaker said slowly. "Okay. I'll grab the car keys, grab your shoes and a jacket."

Relief washed over Whumpee at the fact that Caretaker understood. "I just need a second. Please go start the car right now, I'll be out in just a second."

Not two minutes later, they were driving around the city quite aimlessly. Whumpee was still clutching the knife as they told Caretaker everything that had happened. They were sobbing as they told them about the noises and the thoughts— there was really not much evidence apart from that.

Not much at all.

"Whumpee..." Caretaker began slowly.

"Don't," they muttered. "Don't. Please. I... Yeah."

Whumper had never been there at all, most likely. Caretaker sighed.

"Do you think we can go back home?"

Whumpee hesitated. "Y-yeah. I... I'm sorry for making you drive in the middle of the night. This is really embarrassing."

"It's not," they said firmly. "I'm being fully honest when I say this: I understand how terrified you must've been, and not for a moment was I upset with you, or thought you were embarrassing. I love you. I want to help. If you want me to drive around for a bit more, please tell me, and we can do that until you calm down."

Whumpee felt the tears pricking their eyes again. "C-can we drive a bit more, then? Please?"

"Of course. Whatever you need."

this is one of my last drabbles here, please feel free to follow me on my new blog @sowhumpshaped

#asks #whump #whump drabble #past trauma #paranoia #delusions #knives #comfort #recovery fic #suicide mention #self harm mention

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hel7l7 · 2 years

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the pain is invisible but that doesn’t stop it from being real

#recovery #quitting self harm is hard #vent art #venting #mixed media

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aftgficrec · 3 months

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hi besties! can i be a bit weird and ask for sick fics here? old/new/favorites, any will do! just some big ol’ hurt/ comfort, especially if combined with some emotional hurt/comfort 🥰

There’s nothing weird about this at all! Apart from the fics below, there’s also our sickfic tag as well as our hurt/comfort tag for more (see our tag page under the heading ‘themes - injuries/illnesses/conditions’). - S

Previous recs:

cool andreil sick fics here

sick fics here

foxes with headaches/sick fics here

10k+ sick fics here

Andreil in hospital here

Neil with major injury here

Neil gets injured (post canon) here

Neil & car accidents here

accident-prone Neil here

Andreil with amnesia here

medical Andreil/Aaron & Neil here

Neil getting roofied here

Also see…

‘we're one (there's nothing to be done)’ here

‘Just like that day’ here

‘head case (what to do with you)’ here

‘Such Stuff as Dreams are Made’ here

‘Neil Josten Is a Lucky Man’ here

‘Broken’ here

‘If Only I Were Enough’ (completed) here

‘I'll Come Back To You’ here

‘glass in the trees (objects in the rearview)’ here

‘Running Ragged’ here

‘To Love and Be Loved’ here

‘all that looking down’ here

‘next best thing’, keep telling me that it gets better (does it ever?)’ and ‘no matter when and where, we’ll be alright’ here

‘Can Nobody Hear Me (I cannot breathe)’, ‘I remeber tears streaming down your face (for me to wipe them away)’, ‘you crawled inside my head’, ‘living leaves so many holes in us’, ‘Ciggarette Smoke Cure’, ‘Breathless’, ‘i've done my time’ and ‘cats and close calls’ here

‘The Highs and Lows of Pre-med Majors' here (Aaron)

‘Hold My Hand?’ here

‘Echo’ here

I’m More Than This Body of Mine by yall_send_help [Rated M, 88811 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2024]

The doctor took a pause, which Nathaniel was able to use to ask, “what about my leg?” The two pigs had the audacity to look surprised. The doctor looked over at them with a hint of confusion. “You didn’t tell him?” Towns shook his head as Browning said, “you told us not to.” Dr. Byrd nodded her head in approval and turned back to the bed. “Nathaniel…” she trailed off, reevaluating her words. “Would you mind if I sit?” and only after his own nod did she. “The damage done to your leg… it was unlike what most of the staff at this hospital had ever seen. The surgeons tried to save it, but…” She looked down at where his legs were and Nathaniel did too, only to feel himself pale at what he found. “The surgery took about three hours,” Dr. Byrd continued. “The only reason why it took so long was because the surgeons really did try to save your leg. They did. Amputations usually take only half that time. Eventually, Dr. McCoy called it. Because of the damage done to your leg, we couldn’t wake you up to ask. It had to go. I’m sorry.” or - the one where neil goes to baltimore and comes back missing a leg

tw: torture, tw: amputation, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: blood, tw: animal cruelty, tw: implied/referenced drug overdose

fireproof by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 2097 words, complete, 2024]

Andrew gets his flu shot.

Things Always Gets Worse Before They Gets Better series by Renee_Walker_09 [Rated G, 40141 words, incomplete, 3 complete works, 2024]

Part 1: Beginnings & Endings (G, 1083 words)

It's 1:30 in the morning. The Foxes are celebrating their championship win against the Ravens the only way they know how to: booze, partying, and a little bit more booze. Nothing could possibly ruin this?

tw: car accident, tw: major character injury

Part 2: You Mean Everything To Me (G, 12767 words)

There are two crashed cars. There’s blood on the floor. Lights are flashing all around. Andrew is standing in the middle of the crash site with a blanket draped across his shoulders as he stares straight at Neil, lying on the floor.

tw: car accident, tw: major character injury, tw: (temporary) major character death, tw: suicide attempt, tw: drug overdose, tw: blood, tw: self harm

Part 3: Hours, Days, Weeks (G, 26299 words)

Andrew is lying in a coma following the accident. His condition is critical. And Neil and Aaron have to find a way to cope. Neil and Aaron’s POVs of the crash and the past 6 weeks

tw: car accident, tw: blood, tw: major character injury, tw: (temporary) major character death, tw: self harm, tw: panic attacks, tw: seizures

NB: find art for the fics by the author here as well as embedded in the fics

Even goalkeepers can’t block sickness by BlowingYourMind [Rated G, 12768 words, complete, 2024]

“Rabbit,” Andrew peered up at him with half lidded eyes, “Yes or no?” “Yes ‘Drew,” Neil clasped his hands at Andrew’s elbows, “it’s always a yes, you know that.” “No ‘s not,” Andrew weakly argued as he took hold of Neil’s chest pad, using it to leverage himself upwards. It was awkward work of walking half-delirious Andrew back to the locker room, shielding him from the crowd while keeping him on his feet, but they managed. Or Andrew becomes very sick at an away game, and Neil and the foxes take care of him.

tw: vomit

the upswing by missgivings [Not Rated, 45569 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2024]

The next universe over, life has gone a bit easier on Andrew. He’s gainfully employed as a nurse of all things, working beside his best friend Renee, and living in relative harmony with his brother, the recently graduated Dr. Aaron Minyard. Everything’s fine. It’s fine that he hasn’t spoken to Kevin in person for three years. It’s fine if Aaron’s leaving him to marry his stupid doctor girlfriend. It’s fine until the boy with the box-dyed hair stumbles into the ER and passes out at his feet, bringing a world of secrets and trouble with him. And Neil? Neil’s looking for any port in a storm.

tw: major character injury, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced self harm

please (don't bite) by Major_816 [Rated M, 5478 words, complete, 2024]

Genioglossus. It’s a fan-shaped muscle and forms the bulk of the inferior part of the tongue. It stretches to the hyoid bone too. ~ Neil wakes up to a bad day and it just gets worse.

tw: blood, tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: nightmares, tw: flashbacks, tw: vomit

Will you love me for who I am, not for who I was? by something_boring [Rated T, 1580 words, complete, 2024]

Neil is sick on New Year's eve, wakes up to the fireworks, and continues to have a panic attack about his time on the run.

tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Your Needs, My Needs by TogeMythia [Rated T, 1073 words, complete, 2023]

‘Neil.’ He whined, his face still buried under the blankets. ‘Hrmph?’ Neil responded with a confused noise from somewhere across the bed. ‘Do you feel as shit as you sound?’ - Or Neil and Andrew wake up sick on Christmas day.

tw: vomit

To be safe by HushedStars [Rated G, 2116 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is feeling unwell. He seeks comfort from Matt. It was late at night. Neil stood in the kitchen, deep in thought but still with one ear alert for any movement of his roommates. He shifted from foot to foot, hands digging into his sore neck

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks

Safe with him by 1mNot4Hum4n [Not Rated, 2434 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is sick but doesn't want to admit it. He can't be sick. He can't be weak. Luckily Andrew is there to make sure his junkie is okay, and remind him that he has people around him who are willing to do anything to protect him.

'tis the season by moonix [Rated T, 5579 words, complete, 2023]

Five holidays Andrew had to let Kevin take care of him and one time he got to return the favour.

i called your name ‘til the fever broke by cyanica [Rated T, 5632 words, incomplete, last updated Nov 2023]

Neil’s breath is hot and awful against Andrew’s thigh. “I can’t be sick on your birthday,” he says, like it’s that simple. “I can’t be sick on you on your birthday.” “How considerate,” Andrew’s voice is a bland murmur, and he is left watching Neil’s bloodless, wet lips, as he curls into Andrew’s lap. Neil gently pulls away after a moment, leaning back into Andrew’s hand on his neck. “Is me being sick still making you anxious?” he asks. Fever-stricken with dizzied-eyes and delirious thoughts, he knows Andrew without more than a moment beside him, a look into his eyes that makes Andrew feel undone, found. Or Neil is sick and Andrew isn’t coping well.

tw: vomit, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation, tw: anxiety

You Know I'm Good On My Own by sambutwithbooks [Rated G, 4568 words, complete, Aftg Then And Now 2023]

Andrew breaks his arm two games into the season and it feels a little bit like Neil’s world snaps with it. (A snapshot of Neil and Andrew between Andrew coming home from the hospital and going back home to Palmetto State.)

tw: major character injury

that's my line by sillyunicorn6154 [Rated G, 1291 words, complete, 2023]

Andrew is definitely not sick. But he is a little stubborn.

You're not fine, but you will be by karmenvi [Not Rated, 616 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is sick, so Andrew takes care of him. So it was supposed to be a sickfic, but it turned into 'Andrew stares at Neil and thinks his boyfriend is the prettiest boy in the world.' Anyway, enjoy some fluff.

I'll be okay if he's here by obsessivereader156 [Not Rated, 1673 words, complete, 2023]

“Thank you, Drew,” Neil says for the twentieth time, feeling so lucky to have someone take care of him. “Say it again and I will kill you.” “You’re just so nice to me,” Neil says a bit deliriously, “I’ve never had someone take care of me when I’m sick.”

If it means losing you, then no by LostMess_24 [Rated T, 6712 words, complete, 2023]

There was something against his hand, a pressure he knew too well, a hand that fit so perfectly against his, making Andrew’s presence known, making Neil’s entire body relax, slowing his breathing a bit. But before Neil could see the man at his side, it hit him. He was starting to feel it, all around him. Those white walls, the mattress he was in, the soft yet old sheets, the pressure on his arm. And finally, unmistakably, the regular and aggressive beeps, signs of a life that was his own. He was in a hospital bed. There’s an accident. Those idiots would do anything and everything to protect each other.

tw: major character injury, tw: car accidents

cause and effect by mistyrie [Rated M, 13107 words, complete, 2023]

"Andrew realized what he was seeing but he couldn’t comprehend it. He didn’t know how to help. There was no enemy to deal with – there was just Neil seizing on the floor and Andrew didn’t know what to do." Neil starts having seizures and Andrew tries to help.

tw: seizures (epilepsy)

how the foxes act when they're sick by @detectivebambam [tumblr, 2024]

headcanons on the foxes and illness

headcanons on Neil getting sick by @24-0z [tumblr, 2022]

Neil doesn't get sick very often, so when he finally catches the bug that had been going around campus, he's suddenly 8 years old again, sweating and trembling with fever

SICK!Neil for my soul. by @satan-in-a-v-neck [tumblr, 2021]

Neil is acting strange. Ask every fox and they'll tell you that for the past three days Neil Josten wasn't acting very Neil Josteny.

tw: vomit

illness/injuries as background event:

The Songs Around Us by doodlingstuff [Rated M, 80075 words, complete, 2022]

The mission was simple: Nathaniel would join Astral Foxes as Neil Josten and make them part of Moriyama Music. In reality, Neil became real, found a home, and fell in love despite his lies. When the Moriyamas send the Butcher to remind Neil of his mission and Andrew's life ends on the line, Neil will have to find a way to escape his fate and bring Andrew back. As he gets closer to losing the man he loves the most, Neil will realize that sometimes, music is the only answer, and others, truth is the only weapon he can use. Another Band!AU. This time extra angsty.

tw: torture, tw: car accident, tw: major character injury, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: violence

NB: find art for this fic by @doodlingstuff here

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