#sorry to reiterate but honestly it is just down to. i haven’t figured him out yet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shotosprincess · 3 years

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BAKUGO SCREAMING AND IZUKU

( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ AAAA HIII TYSM FOR REPLYING TO THE BNHA PLAYLIST THINGY FOR FICS I LOVE YOU MWAHMWAH

anyways aaa bet !! ill do midoriya first if you don’t mind bc im currently in such a soft mood and hajdjj i just love him sm :((

— 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙯𝙪𝙠𝙪 𝙢𝙞𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙮𝙖’𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙨

inspired by this playlist by nimbus on yt !! pls check them out ansjdjf their playlists r heaven ^^

❝ you never truly understood that about him, the way he continued to put himself through the pain, to push himself, even, past his limits and then some—

plus ultra. and now his arms were all but littered with rough scars of diluted white and blunt tan. ❞

notes ! gender neutral! reader,, best friends to lovers au ,, 2nd person pov

summary: in which your best friend deku shows up at your dorm late at night due to kacchan locking him out. he asks for bandages to stabilize his newly-healed scars, and you ask to kiss them.

genre: fluff !! <33

it went without a doubt that deku had been to recovery girls’ office more times than anyone else at the academy. it hurt, honestly; each time you saw his still-healing figure emerge from the little swing of her door, a sharp pang reverberated starkly through your chest, for though the freshly-scarred over wounds didn’t diminish his beauty in the slightest, you simply couldn’t deny that an empty eddy of sadness settled in you whenever he was in such a state.

and unfortunately for you, he was constantly in it.

his body could only take so much. and he was still so young too—the very same held true for your heart.

it’s been that way ever since the two of you had first entered ua as shining, eager students. though in all fairness you had to admit, he was...different from the very beginning. even as the prelude to his eventual rising and growth in his quirk, he had shone with a certain unmatched brilliance ever since the entrance exams. and over the years you spent together, you had watched him persevere so passionately towards the glow of his ultimate goal; to be a hero who can help others. little did he know just how much he already had. he had always been so excruciatingly oblivious and aloof to even the evidence and affects of his own kindness, and you hated the fact that so many tended to take advantage of it. of him.

though, of course, this did not mean that he was weak in any form. no, if anything he was quite the polar opposite—he had proved it time and time again, and yet it didn’t mean that he couldn’t get hurt too. the dull aching of tiredness ringing in his eyes, the one he tries to desperately to mask, the ragged marks scattered across the pale valleys of his once-scar-barren skin; he wasn’t immune to pain, to injury. and yet, he fought. you never truly understood that about him, the way he continued to put himself through the pain, to push himself, even, past his limits and then some—

plus ultra. and now his arms were all but littered with rough scars of diluted white and blunt tan.

nevertheless, truth be told, you actually admired it a great deal. his sheer determination, the purity of his motives, it was more than laudable. despite all of it, you truly couldn’t help but feel this...magnetic urge to help him. protect him. if you could soothe the pain in any way, even if it would be but a temporary relief—

three knocks clack on the door.

you and izuku’s secret door code—just a silly little something the two of you made up a few months after the dorm system had been put into motion, and all so you could sneak out to the grass-flooded yards of the building and train together.

naturally, you open the door.

“ heyyy there you are! “

your head perks up at the cheery jingling of his voice, all drafts of exhaustion and sleep deprivation washing away almost instantaneously. he might as well be the very personification of caffeine at that point, despite how direly he needed it himself.

the starry shine of his eyes meets with yours as a diluted sanguine seeped colour into his face. he turns his head away awkwardly.

you lean against the doorframe, smiling at him. “ deku...you didn’t tell me we’d be training today. plus it’s a little late right now, don’t you think? i’m already in my pajamas. “

“ yeah, um, sorry about that. kacchan...kinda locked me out. “

“ he what? “

“ he locked me out. “

“ how does that even—don’t you have separate rooms? “

“ well, yeah, but we were racing down the halls after glass today and he...got to my room before i could. well, honestly i have no clue what he’s doing over there. “ he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

“ oookay then. little concerning, i won’t lie. “ your shoulders lift in a shrug, arms crossing in front of your chest as your shy laugh matches his.

“ so i was wondering if...you know...i could maybe stay here for a bit? “ his voice wavers subtly, though you’re quick to catch it. the tips of his ears flush with a deepened pink.

you can’t help but silently gush about how cute he looked.

you’re quick to snap out of that too. eyes bursting open with a brilliant shock, you notice he’s fiddling nervously with his fingers as you remain absolutely, positively frozen in place.

“ i’m—what? “

his countenance immediately shifts to one of sheer embarrassment. flustered, he begins to frantically wave his hands in front of him, as if to put some sort of considerable distance between his panicking self and your seemingly-composed demeanour. and as if that would do anything to deescalate the tension which was only progressively building between your equally-timid selves at this moment.

“ ohmygod i didn’t mean it in a weird way or anything! i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’ll just—i’ll just go— “

you slide against the wood a little bit, pushing your weight against the slightly-agape door, so it swung open even further to reveal the, admittedly, fairly-messy state of your room. draped carelessly on the side of your bed, a sweater you had taken off earlier because the temperature of your room had suddenly decided to heat up an unreasonable amount. countable cups holding shallow pools of hour-old drinks scattered throughout nearly every shelf. a creased textbook splayed out, cover up on your desk.

yep. definitely looked like someone’s lived here.

“ i mean...you could come in if you want. no one’s stopping you. it’s a little messy though, i haven’t found much time to properly clean it yet, with exams coming soon and stuff. “ a small smile accompanies your growing blush, despite how much you were trying to play it off as nonchalantly as possible.

psh, right. as if letting him in your room—something you had never done prior in the history of your friendship—wasn’t a big deal in the slightest.

his eyes shoot wide as his arms flail about. you have to keep yourself from laughing at his silliness.

“ uhm, i mean...only if that’s okay with you! “

“ yeah, yeah, of course! you need a place to stay for now, after all. who knows when bakugou’s gonna let you back in? “

“ yeah, i guess you’re right. well, i mean, if you really don’t mind— “

you playfully roll your eyes, giggling as you shove him into your room.

“ oh, quit it with the politeness. you’re too nice, you know that? “

“ too...nice? “

“ too nice. “ you reiterate, giving his shoulders a little squeeze.

his head lolls to the side as he carefully lowers himself onto your bed, his sweater shifting with the subtle movement.

for a few moments, the space between you is occupied with a simple, comfortable silence. it’s refreshing, really. a welcome difference from all the boisterousness of the academy. you loved the action and everyone’s energy, of course, but sometimes what you really needed was really just a simple break from everything. to do nothing but exist for a little while, to simply be without the constant pressure of having to get up and jump into action all the time. just for a few moments. and so you relished in these said moments spent with him, for who knows when the next time you could ever be with him like this again would be?

and then his voice fills that void of silence, but you’re not disappointed in the slightest.

“ hey. “

“ yeah? “

“ you don’t happen to have any extra bandages, do you? “

“ bandages? for what? “

he clenches his fist, flexing the muscles in his arm. “ for...stability. just in case. i can’t afford for my arms to get hurt more. “

“ oh. well, uhm...i think i have a few spares in my drawer! “ you push yourself off the bed, leaving the comfort the soft sheets brought about, pulling open a tiny drawer. taking out a transparent box of bandages, you jump back onto the plushness, sitting cross-legged directly across from midoriya, who’s already presenting his arm.

your lips silently part as your fingers wrap themselves around the thick ivory fabrics of bandage, rolling them around so you could wrap them around him.

another pause of wordless silence falls.

“ hey deku? “

“ yeah? “

“ could i...could i kiss your scars? “ you whisper, afraid that he’d get mad, though you knew he was anything but the type to do such a thing.

the meadow depths of his eyes kindle a cozy hearth within you as his initial surprise quickly softens, melting away into what could only be described as the most endearing smile to exist.

“ sure. “

jagged patches and uneven streaks of faded cloud white and prominent earthy tans decorate his arms, and you can’t help but bring the rosiness of your lips to meet them. you decide begin with the ones littered along his fingers.

one kiss for the scar resting within the curved dip between his thumb and index.

“ for every time you used just a flick of your fingers to defend everyone back then, when you didn’t even have full control over your quirk. “

a longing sigh leaves him as he reminisces briefly on the memory. you place a soft kiss upon the scar resting at the side of his pinky.

“ for every fist you made with this hand, for every punch you’ve delivered in the name of other’s safety. “

a drop splashed onto his arm, trickling down and tainting the scars etched into his forearm with a subtle, diaphanous sheen. you look up through your lashes, and a prominent gloss coats the kindness of his dark emeralds. your hand comes up to carefully caress his cheek, cupping it gently as the pad of your thumb swipes beneath his eye, wiping away the upcoming tear. your features are knitted together in concern.

“ are you okay? i can stop if you want me to— “

he takes your hand in both of his, squeezing as if to keep you there forever. “ no, don’t. please.“

it’s a tiny whisper, a softened plea into the dark quiet of the night, as if he were ashamed for wanting to be taken care of. your brows curve downward as you pull your twined hands to your lips, tenderly planting your lips where your skin kissed his.

“ hey, hey. it’s okay. it’s okay. “ you hush him, running your free hand through his thick tendrils of vivid, verdant green.

he leans into your touch, nodding at you as if to urge you to continue, which you gladly accept.

you shift a little closer to him, kissing the thick mark of serration painted into the skin of his wrist.

“ for every countless moment you’ve sacrificed for your dream. “

another kiss to the one just above it.

“ for every hour bled into the night that you spent helping me train. “

your fingers dance along his arm, finally stopping at the scar stretching from his elbow and dragging upwards. as per routine, your lips come down to delicately kiss it.

“ for every ‘ plus ultra! ‘ you’ve ever passionately shouted. “

little giggles left the both of you at that.

your touch trails to the scar just beside it, kissing it as well.

“ for every life you’ve ever saved. “

you look him in the eye. holding his arm like this, you were so close to him. and yet, you didn’t want to pull away. if anything, it was the very last thing you would ever want to do. he matched your stare, a certain sense of longing displaying in your gaze as it reflects off of his. the prolonged stare lasts longer than it probably should, longer than what best friends should probably look at each other this closely, this intimately for. the moonlight dimly shines through your window.

and then it happens.

his lips collide with yours in a captivating symphony, hands going straight to twirl through the locks of your hair as you wrap yours in a loose loop around his neck. everything feels as though it had all snapped into place, and the tension you had felt before was all completely dissipated now, displaced into the passion in which this kiss exuded. it was earth-shattering, galaxy-shredding. it felt as if even pain itself could never reach either of you, not in this moment.

this moment was for the both of you, and no one else. in this moment, in his arms, nothing and no one could hurt you.

he pulls away, stunned, lips parted with a saturated red. you stare at him with just about the same level of blankness, of utter shock at what you two had just done.

but then the realization catches up with him, and he is pulled out of the daze. much to your surprise, he doesn’t move away. if anything, he pulls you closer, enveloping both your hands within his just as he did before.

and just as you had done earlier, he brings them to his lips.

“ and that’s for every ‘ i love you ‘ i’ve ever wanted to say to you but never had the guts to. “

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robinofgothamcity · 3 years

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♡ prompt: "falling in love with her wasn't apart of my plan but I'm not mad if it happens."

♡ pairing: leo valdez x latina, fem! reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / my schedule is going to become more sporadic starting this week :/ but also, writing for Leo is my ultimate favorite thing to do bc I'M MEXICAN AND SO IS HE AND I JUST GET TO UNLEASH ALL MY MEXICANESS INTO ONE FANFIC.

being the daughter of Nemesis, it wasn't unusual to see you messing with the Hermes cabin....a lot. your partners in crime were the Stoll brothers. all the meanwhile, everyone who saw the three of you together knew to book it. it usually meant that all of you pulled a prank and they were terrified to know which cabin it was that got shit end of the stick.

it was usually ended up being the Demeter kids considering they were so easy to prank. you swore that Demeter was going to bite you in the ass one day for how much you messed with her kids but you couldn't lie, they were so easily prankable that it was hard not to do it.

"I'M GOING TO HURT YOU!" you heard someone scream as you and the Stoll brothers ran away from the cabin. the three of you booked it until you saw them stop and ultimately give up, "NO YOU WON'T!" you yelled back jokingly before you accidentally ran into someone.

you heard the chuckles of Travis and Connor as you looked up, "sorry Leo, didn't see you there," you murmured. he gave you his hand, helping you up as Travis and Connor started mocking you, "it's okay but be careful! wouldn't want your beautiful face to get all messed up," your eyes widened, right alongside's Travis who started going into hysterics.

"thanks Leo, at least someone knows how to treat a woman," you poked back to Travis who immediately stood quiet. Leo laughed, "no problem but here, you got some grease on your cheek," he said, seeing the slash of it on your face. he pulled his sleeve out a bit and tried wiping it off, "uh, you kinda made it worse," Connor inquired.

Travis smacked his brother, sensing that this was not the time to make a joke. he quickly dragged himself along with Connor away as you got left with Leo, "I still think you look pretty," he tried to rationalize. he knew the story behind you and knew if you managed to take what he did the wrong way, he would be at the receiving end of a prank and no one ever wanted to be involved in a prank that had your name attached with Travis and Connor.

"have a mirror in your bunker? don't really feel like walking all the way to my cabin to clean it off," you admitted. Leo nodded excitedly, practically grabbing your hand and dragging you away, "course I do. gotta see this perfect face somehow," you giggled at his comment making Leo proud that he wasn't scaring you off yet.

the bunker from where you were originally wasn't too far but when you stepped in, you couldn't help but stand at the doorway, stunned at the organized mess he had inside. "you build a lot, don't you?" you asked. Leo saw the way stared mesmerized at the unfinished project, "yeah, half of these aren't done yet and I haven't even started on those yet but that's what happen when you're the son of Hephaestus," he groaned.

you saw the mirror that was on the wall and wiped it away with a clean rag. as you finished up, you heard music playing lowly throughout the bunker.

"is that....Banda MS?" you asked, whipping your head around to get a clear answer. Leo and you both stared at each other in complete shock, "NO WAY!" you both screamed. you immediately felt a tug at Leo, getting some sense of familiarity from him, "my dad used to blast this song all the time as a kid!" you exclaimed happily.

Leo didn't respond as he was still too much in shock to process what was going on. he hadn't met anyone who ever recognized the music he listened to when he worked. it's one of the memories he had with his mom was that she blared this music when they used to work on things together, "my mom did too," he replied. you found the tiny remote and turned it up as you sat in shock.

"sorry but I really haven't heard this music play in years, it brings back so many memories of my dad," you confessed, "holy Hera I might start crying," you laughed, trying not to cry in the process.

"Me gustas, te gusto, pa qué nos hacemos? te llevo la banda y nos amanecemos. seré detallista, me encantas la neta, te lleno de rosas mis dos camionetas. no es por presumir, pero soy buena opción, bonita pareja haríamos tú y yo, Piénsalo."

you sang out the lyrics right alongside Leo as the two of you immediately felt in your own little world. Jason, who was passing by Bunker Nine with Piper, poked his head in when he heard Leo's singing voice.

"no way," he whispered to Piper who managed to jump over her boyfriend to poke her head inside, "a girl is in his bunker? holy Hera," she murmured to him as Jason stared at his best friend in pride. Jason knew if anyone deserved a girlfriend, it was Leo. despite the front Leo put up constantly, he knew Leo craved love from a significant other so to see you inside of the bunker, not only singing to music in Spanish but to actually understand Leo from a side no one else could made Jason proud of him.

"I have a bunch of music on my iPod I always play in my cabin since Damien is hardly inside, it doesn't really bother anyone," you mentioned as you took it out. Leo quickly put the iPod on the adapter and played the first song which happened to be 'Se Amerita' by Junior H, "I usually played it around Jason and the others but they didn't really understand so it didn't really bother them."

you heard your name being yelled by Travis from across the camp making you sigh. Leo felt himself deflate, realizing that you were leaving, "talk to ya later? I'm pretty sure one of those got caught in a prank and are going to use me as an escape tactic," you murmured, jumping off of the stool.

"bye Amor!" you turned around, not expecting the nickname so suddenly, "goodbye Valdez," you replied, giving him a wink.

you walked out of his bunker, not noticing Jason or Piper who were hiding on the side as you sped off to Travis. Jason and Piper walked in, giving Leo the biggest shit eating grin they had ever had on their faces, "well, well, well, what was that?" Piper asked, "flirting it up with the daughter of Nemesis are we?" Jason added on.

"shut up, it wasn't even-," Leo looked to Jason who immediately told him to cut the shit, "falling in love with her wasn't apart of my plan but I'm not mad if it happens," he confessed, slamming the tool on the table and running his hands through his brown hair.

Piper couldn't believe her ears. Leo had said he had fallen in love multiple times over multiple women he had met but this one felt real. it felt almost raw.

"you didn't tell her that, did you?" Jason asked, now in a kind of panic. Leo shook his head no, "okay good but honestly, it's really surprising. everyone in the camp kind of assume her and Travis had a thing considering how much time they spend with each other," Piper said out loud.

bingo.

that was the thing that was throwing Leo off. he saw the way you acted around Travis. it wasn't the way you were around Connor. you seemed really close to Travis. the two of you were secretive with each other. just know, he heard Travis calling for you and although you were reluctant to go, he felt some kind of competition with the older Stoll brother.

"no, I don't think they see each other that way, they have more of a sibling relationship if I have to be honest," thank you Jason for being the voice of reason, Leo thought. he stood up and stretched himself, "well, if the Gods want us together then so be it but if they don't...I'm going to make em," he joked.

the following morning was thankfully a Saturday. no training was mandatory and it gave everyone a chance to sleep in. Leo tended to be a late sleeper on these days but as he was getting up to go to the mess hall, he heard your laughs from the campfire area. you were sitting with Travis, looking at a notebook with something written inside it as Travis let out another laugh.

Leo felt himself getting slightly jealous as he went for his late morning snack. you had given a bright smile, one that made him melt on the inside, and a wave before going back to talking to Travis. he hadn't seen Connor around so he figured that it was just the two of you which didn't make his jealousy dim down any less.

you had ditched the plans of pranking the Ares cabin with Travis as he wiggled his eyebrows, joking that you were replacing him with Leo.

"hey Leo, what're you up to?" you asked, scaring him a bit. he shrugged, showing you the snacks in his hands, "late sleeper, huh?" you asked. you could sense the slightly different mood Leo was in, in comparison to yesterday, "well, if you need any help with anything, I'll be free all day," you mentioned, hoping he'd invite you to maybe help him in some kind of project.

Leo nodded, not saying anything back before heading back to his bunker. he didn't know if it was just his heart playing with him but the way you were around Travis made him irrationally angry. it was as if only he could be that way around you. Leo knew one of his downsides as a person was being extremely clingy and having a bit too much faith in someone but he was hoping that if he placed all his marbles into a bowl that maybe you'd reciprocate the feelings he got for you just as quickly as he did.

"what're you doing in here trapped?" Jason asked, a little later in the day. Leo continued working on his useless project as he didn't respond, "dude, are you listening? I would think you'd be with ( your name ), trying to ask her out and all," Jason reiterated.

Leo slammed his nail gun down on the table, frightening Jason.

"I saw her with Travis earlier, giggling and laughing with him so I figured that maybe Piper was right and that they like each other," he admitted, frustration evident in his voice, "gods you're in idiot," Jason screamed to Leo as it was Leo's turn to be left in confusion.

Jason sat down on the wooden chair in annoyance.

"( your name ) is currently by herself by lake and you're in here moping around because of a scenario you made in your head?" he practically yelled. Leo was about to speak up when Jason cut him off again, "I told you already, she is like Travis' sister! what're you not getting? I heard what she told you this morning and now she's alone when she could be in here with you!" he yelled, shaking Leo's shoulders.

Leo took a step back, letting what Jason was telling him sink in. once it finally processed, he put his tool down and took his belt off, "think she'll be down for me to join her?" Leo asked him. Jason nodded yes, "go to her you idiot! it's about time you found your soulmate and you're about to ruin it!"

Jason remained in the cabin as Leo quickly walked out. he went to the place where Jason had told him you were currently at and thankfully, you were still there. you were poking the water with a stick before chucking a large rock inside of it. something Percy probably would've yelled at you for.

"what're you doing here alone?" he asked, walking up behind you. you instantly perked up, "I'm bored and didn't really have anything to do today so I usually go to the lake to throw rocks," you replied as Leo got comfortable next to you, "I thought you'd be working on some project right now."

Leo shook his head, "figured you'd probably want to help me start a new project. I don't know how great the daughters of Nemesis are at building things but I can imagine someone as gorgeous and smart as you can be of help," he flirted as he noticed the flustered reaction.

"me vas a matar estupido," you joked, pushing him playfully. Leo shook his head, "how can I kill me reina? it would be really stupid of me." you didn't bother to reply as you let out a flustered laugh.

Leo took in the situation as you grew quiet. the slight Long Island breeze made your hair get pushed back as Leo thanked his lucky stars. Leo knew he went through hell and back. literally. and maybe it was finally time he got what he deserved in return.

never did he think he would be at the receiving end of good karma. his life until recently had put him through trials and tribulations that he didn't think he'd make it out of but thankfully, he did and when he did, he figured that's when the God's placed you in his life. the gorgeous daughter of Nemesis.

"well, let's get crackin' partner," you said getting up. Leo nodded, grabbing your wrist and practically dragging you away to his bunker, "whatever you say reina," he replied, finding comfort in the nickname he gave you.

#percy jackon and the olympians #heroes of olympus fic #heroes of olympus imagine #heroes of olympus #hoo imagine #pjo imagine #pjo x reader #leo valdez #leo valdez imagine #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez x you

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lxvestxned · 3 years

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y/n is massively afraid of toads, but tries to at least touch trevor for the first time with the graceful help of her best friend neville. while also in complete denial about the feelings they are starting to have for neville. fluff + gender neutral reader! 2500 words.

side note: please don’t make fun of me if i got toad-logic wrong in this one — the fear is real bro. LMAO.

Neville talks about Trevor nearly the same way one might talk about a younger brother. Mildly annoying, but also so very important to the point that he could not even remember his life before him.

Trevor couldn’t be a better gardening pal for him, save for when he disappears while Neville is deepest in concentration with his plants. He always entertains Neville’s miniature hat creations, sitting still and proper while Neville has a good laugh.

I could not be happier about his connection to Trevor. I haven’t brought it up to him yet, but Trevor seemed to be an important figure of worthiness to Neville. I also had to appreciate that Neville had the company of a pet in his quiet house on breaks.

I only wish I would have wised up and got on better with the toad.

Amphibians and reptiles are a bit of a sore spot. To put it gently, they are a thing of nightmares to touch or even to look at. Trevor’s skin was bumpy, coarse, and loose looking. Eyes bulging, dark, and unblinkingly horrifying.

Was his skin rough? Was he heavy? Was he slimy? Oh god, and what would his bones feels like? Could Neville feel him breathing in his hands?

My stomach swam to my throat with every thought. However, the guilt from my fear of Neville’s beloved pet made me feel much worse.

I can’t help recalling from years ago, the way I once jumped a foot away from Neville’s attempt at a lighthearted pat on my shoulder. Simply because I was hyper aware that he had held Trevor in that same hand not even five seconds before.

Neville recoiled too, shock washing off his features only while I frantically showered him in embarrassed apologies. He then promptly washed his hands for a full two minutes to make me feel better. The memory was one of those that frequently replayed in my head when I laid in bed trying my best to sleep over the wailing thoughts of regret.

In place of physical adoration for the toad, I bombarded Neville with questions about him any time they struck me. Each was gratefully met with a patient and particularly-amused response from the proud toad owner.

“Trevor is bumpy and all, he sort of feels like really extreme goose pimples— no, acne.” Neville spoke while lovingly stroking his pointer finger down Trevor’s back in the Gryffindor common room.

“He isn’t heavy at all actually. One time I had him in my hand, looked away for a moment, and when I looked back he was gone. I didn’t even realize.” He whispered to me, just as Professor Binns rambled back toward their side of the classroom.

“Trevor’s not slimy!” He said whilst playfully pointing the prongs of his accusatory fork at me, “you’re thinking of frogs! And even then, I’ve read that they only look it and don’t feel it.”

“I don’t know what his bones feel like?!” Neville laughed incredulously, “seriously, where do you come up with these questions?”

Turned out my latest inquiry was the one that lead me to my doom.

The clump of red, yellow, green, and blue students travelled up the snow-white hill, returning from a full and chilly Magical Creatures lesson. I walked alongside Neville on the trek, body automatically crawling with shivers on the thought of toads once again.

“When you’re holding him, can you feel him breathing?”

Neville let out a huff of laughter between pants for air against the hill’s incline. “I suppose so, I mostly notice his heart beat normally.”

“His heartbeat?!” My gloved hands squeezed into tight fists to resist my overreactive imagination from taking over. The ghost of a toad pumping it’s lungs and beating it’s heart in my palms was enough to make me visibly cringe— which I was determined to suppress at all costs.

Hermione, who was a bit ahead of us, slowed to join our pace, “Yes, Y/N, toads have hearts too, y’know.” She said.

“You’re joking!” I announced sarcastically.

“Why don’t you just hold Trevor once, then you’ll have all the answers you need?” Hermione laughed.

“I’ve asked her and she doesn’t want to.” Neville said.

“I do want to!” I sighed, “I just can’t.”

“Yeah, she said she can’t.” Neville reiterated.

“And why not?” If Hermione was anything, she was a problem solver. And I was suddenly determined to prove that I did, in fact, have a plan of action.

“I’m scared,” I said, “but, I figured if I could gather enough information about what exactly to expect... then, maybe I could do it eventually.”

Neville finally lifted his gaze away from the trail at our feet to smile at me. His smile was open-mouthed almost like he had words on the tip of his tongue ready to fall out. But, Hermione spoke up again.

“Honestly, it’s not as bad as you might think. I think you may even be over thinking all of this. Holding Trevor is almost like... like a leather pouch.”

I muttered, “sure, a living, breathing, beloved leather pouch.”

“You should probably try touching him first before you start carrying him around,” Hermione said right as we reached the plateau level with the archway back into castle walls.

Neville and I hung by the archway like we usually do, recapturing our breaths through the rigid air. I did not expect Hermione to stand with us, allowing Ron and Harry to be carried away with the crowd entering the hall.

Her determination loomed over the silence and I felt the need to accept that solution. After all, Hermione was bound to have another seven loaded up and ready to be dispensed. And not to mention, Neville’s eyes had an unwavering sort of gleam in them that I could not quite put a finger on.

I was suddenly and weirdly diagonal with one palm against the brick arch, the other on my hip, and the toe of my boot scuffing the snow. “I could probably do that,” I had to wonder whether I was at all convincing.

“I can help you,” Neville peered into my soul, to which I decided the gleam was, at the least, highly influential.

I gulped, “yeah, I can do it.”

— — —

There Trevor was, 15 centimeters of pure, mind-numbing terror.

I felt like I had only blinked since we were standing out in the pure white snow. Except, Hermione, Neville, and I were very much in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. Comfortable in my casual change of clothes after dinner, but also filled to the brim with dread as the reds of the room edged in my vision.

“Are you ready?” Hermione smiled as encouragingly as she could.

I finally tore my eyes away from the toad perched on the couch’s arm that Neville was half-blocking with his body.

“Yeah, of course! It’s not that serious!” I gave my best snarky smirk, as if I hadn’t just gnawed a small tear into my bottom lip.

I didn’t want to refuse Hermione the opportunity to be a part of her own solution to the problem that wasn’t hers. But, then again, I wish I did only for the sake of privacy.

Hermione’s presence was a bit heavy to endure. She conjured a very deep desire to prove myself a good friend to Neville with her eyes alone. Which meant false bravery was all I could manage to show at the moment. True feelings buried not-so-deep below that crumbling surface.

“You can do it, Y/N, don’t think.” Hermione relayed that unhelpful bit of information atleast a hundred times within the span of the last fifteen minutes. Although, I did entertain it every time.

With the sudden distraction of Neville turning to pick up his pet, I managed to squeeze a “Thank you, Hermione! I got it!” through the corner of my lips.

Unfortunately, every statement of bravery was like a mating call when among Gryffindors. I could feel sets of interested eyes triple upon our little gathering without even lifting my head. In fact, I was almost positive that Dean had made his way from across the room to lean over the couch cushions from behind.

I wasn’t ready for Neville to stand from his spot on the couch, nor was I ready for him settle down in a kneel in front of me. I could’ve forgotten Trevor entirely with the way I was focused in on Neville’s face. He hadn’t looked one bit nervous, which was a rare and reassuring sight. I had to smile at the thought that, for once, I was the one emitting enough nervous energy for the both of us.

He was pretty quiet up until that point, so his voice made my breath quicken as finality closed in around me. “I’m going to help you, alright?”

That was it, no going back. My face felt as though it was glowing redder than the room. The fluttering in my stomach clashed awfully against the dread that was already shacked up there. I clenched my jaw tight, trying desperately for a look of certainty as I nodded.

Trevor sat comfortably still between Neville’s palms, face nearly pressed into Neville’s chest. I almost wanted to joke that it looked like I was about to be proposed to with the arse of a toad, but Neville brought some humor of his own.

A mischievous grin crept over his lips first, “and you can wash your hands right after.”

I grinned despite the huff of sorrowful air that escaped me. The horrid memory filled me with a brand new sense of urgency to right my wrongs. I held him by his shoulders, “I’m really, really, really sorry about that!”

Neville almost bent forward in hearty laughter, until he realized that he shouldn’t bring Trevor any closer. “No, I know, I know! I was trying to lighten the air.” He shook his head gently, “Come on now.”

I scooted forward in my seat to plant my feet flat on the carpet, fists already balled up tight. “Yeah, come on now,” I echoed, perfectly-thoughtless, as Hermione instructed.

“I’m going to hold him right here, and he’s not going to move. All you have to do is put your fingertips on mine, okay?” Neville instructed so gently that I was ironically totally overwhelmed.

I took the look around the room that I was avoiding, and sure enough, Gryffindors were gawking from every angle. Hermione nodded and Dean was smiling extra wide.

I couldn’t find words. Instead a single shaky hand of mine unwound itself and reached forward. It very unhelpfully occurred to me at that second that I had never even touched Neville’s hands before. And you know what, it shouldn’t be strange to admit your best friend has nice hands. Because he does. Not helpful information, but definitely information.

I was almost worried that my aim was so shaky that I would miss his nails altogether and jab Trevor.

But before I knew it, I was touching the hand that was touching Trevor. Which, of course, reintroduced the smile to my face when reminded of Neville’s joke.

“Yes! Now, I’m just going to pet Trevor, and you can keep your fingers on mine until you’re ready, alright?”

I was too nervous to move my gaze from Trevor any more, but I presumed from the cheer in Neville’s voice that he was smiling hard.

He slowly moved his fingertips to the top of Trevor’s head, and I had to press harder to keep from slipping astray. Then, Neville did exactly as he explained.

My upper lip began to furl up as my imagination ran buck wild in my mind. The worst of all textures invaded my senses and made me want to cringe out of existence. My eyes squinted at the seemingly violent breathing and heart beating that bumped against his warty surface. Our fingertips stroked down his back so many times that my movements felt robotic.

It was automatic enough to break my stare away from it when Neville called my name, “are you breathing?”

I blinked a few times, and let in a gasp of air that I hadn’t even realized I needed. “Apparently, not.” I laughed, surprised by my hushed volume.

“Merlin, so much suspense for this?” a Gryffindor near the windows was met with a brief glare from Neville, but he concentrated on me.

“Why don’t you take a big breath, and then try putting your fingers in front of mine?”

I loosened up my face, as I took a deep breath in. The long breath out allowed my other hand to unwind as well. I parted my teeth, while my fingertips eased on to the very tip of his nails. “Okay,” I tried another deep, thoughtless breath.

“You can do it, Y/N.” He whispered.

I blinded myself with my unoccupied hand.

Trevor felt gravelly.

Like extreme acne.

His breathing was not nearly as noticeable as the racing heart, beating at the top of his body.

He had a spine.

Noticeable only because the several wobbly scribbles of a line that I tried to draw was not nearly as straight as the subtle ridge at the center of his back.

I eased the hand off of my eyes. Sure to embarrass myself as the sting of tears felt closer than ever. When I looked between us, the room felt a little bit bigger. Almost like we weren’t surrounded by onlookers awaiting my first true reaction.

Our knees were resting so carelessly against each others. Neville’s hand was no longer stroking Trevor with me, it was upright exactly the way someone would hold a ring box ajar. His face was flushed pink, a dopey smile on full display.

My heart floated up and out of my body, drifting high above my head like a balloon. A smile of my own lit up my entire face, while I cupped my palm on Trevor’s back like Neville did minutes before.

Dean and Hermione congratulated me on my fierce battle versus a backwards toad.

But then Trevor made an awful noise that made me jump to attention.

“Okay, Trevor’s done for... the rest of the year.” Neville hurriedly placed the toad on the table behind him.

When he turned to face me, the tiny bit of nerves that infinitely plagued his features returned while he was very caught up between continuing to kneel or standing up.

I hopped to my feet, helping Neville choose to straighten himself up as well.

“That was amazing, Y/N!”

“You’re, you’re— amazing, Nev!” I must have forgotten to resume thinking because I trapped him in a hug. His arms pressed against his sides and all.

After a burst of his nervous laughter rattled through the air, he tried to hug me in return. When only able to bend at his elbows, he hovered his hands over the edges of my back for a moment. Until finally he placed his hands even softer than the touch I just shared with Trevor.

Dean and Hermione swapped looks then, and I had to shut my eyes to pretend I didn’t notice.

#Neville Longbottom #neville longbottom imagine #neville longbottom fic #neville longbottom x reader #neville longbottom x y/n #neville longbottom x you #harry potter imagine #neville longbottom imagines #neville longbottom fluff #neville x reader #neville x you

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izzabeean · 3 years

Text

Chapter 11 : Apprehensive

SUMMARY

You never thought it would be this hard to open up.

pairing : ushjima x f!reader / oikawa x f!reader / iwaizumi x f!reader

genre : angst + fluff

word count : 2,376

content : profanity

tags : alternate universe - college/university, post-break up, friends to lovers, pining, slow burn

a/n : Hello! Apologies for this late post. Everything has been a bit hectic lately and I’m struggling to keep up with work and my free time. I have started to slack a bit on my writing. It’s a bit on the shorter side but here is the next chapter!

Because I’m new to this and have bit more off than I can chew, I’ve noticed some timeline errors when writing this chapter. I couldn’t just let it go and had to go back to correct them.

For those who do not wish to re-read chapter 8 (I understand, it’s a hefty one), please note that at the beginning of the chapter, Y/N and Iwaizumi have a heart-to-heart. Originally it jumps to the same day, but that is an error on my part. The rest of the chapter actually takes place later in the week. So Y/N has spent almost a week at Oikawa’s apartment.

I appreciate you all for tagging along for this ride. I definitely have been aching to write about Hanamaki or Matsukawa, but will once this series has been completed! Thanks so much xx

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Walking into the empty corridor, you blink at the torn-up flooring exposing the bones of the apartment while noticing dust in the air from the sunlight trickling in through the living room window. Living here for almost four years gave you the alone time you needed. But now it felt foreign. The familiar serene getaway from the pressure of your parents breathing down your neck was now emanating dark energy. A place once full of bright memories seems to turn into the last place you wish to be.

“What is?” Iwaizumi exclaims, following behind you.

“It’s just weird,” you murmur, smiling up at Iwaizumi. “I haven’t seen it this empty since I moved in.”

That day didn’t feel too long ago.

As cliche as it sounds, it almost did feel like yesterday. Getting settled into the new space, unsure what to do with yourself in the silence of the apartment. But it wasn't long before you made friends with Oikawa who would come over to study together. He'd always bring snacks from your favorite dessert place and sometimes, if you could convince him, he would stay over to watch your favorite series. Yes, he would complain that he hated it, that it was slow, uninteresting and he's seen better. Then he would shut up and watch knowing that you enjoyed his company in the lonely apartment.

Your gaze shifts to the bedroom doorway. The last night you spent there, it was with Oikawa, but before that, it was always Ushijima. Not every single night, but when he did, you felt safe pressed up against his broad frame under the covers. Thinking about it now, it makes you regret that you didn't indulge in it more back then.

When you started seeing Ushijima, he became the priority. He would come over for study dates and you'd never have to ask twice to persuade him to watch television series or movies with you. Truthfully, you miss those days. Everything was so simple and new. It felt like a breath of fresh air that you were aching to find.

Yet here you are now just remembering what you wish to forget.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just move in with me?” Oikawa sniggers, analyzing the janky water-damaged walls that look like they could disintegrate at any moment.

"What? You finally have the balls to say this place isn’t good enough for you?" you mock, raising an eyebrow at him waiting for his answer.

"No, it's just…” he pauses before continuing, half-heartedly afraid he will offend you. “Old."

You roll your eyes. Yeah it's older than any twenty-something-year-old would want to live in, but you didn't care because of the location to the university and honestly, in your eyes, the apartment is quaint and homey.

“You always have something to say. Don't you, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi fumes, eyes sending daggers in Oikawa’s direction.

You couldn't help but let out a snicker that catches Iwaizumi's attention, shooting you a little smile. The natural draw your body has towards Iwaizumi is intoxicating. Your entire mind turns to putty when he looks at you like all your worries will just disappear upon his gaze. Maybe that's why you unconsciously kiss him the other night.

You don't want him to leave. You want him to stay. But how can you say that when you haven't known him for very long. The Iwaizumi now is so much different from the Iwaizumi in elementary school. Yet you wanted to get to know this person standing in front of you so much more and the limited time made your heartache all over again.

"Are you excited to move back in?" Iwaizumi asks, his eyes still locked on you.

“Yeah,” you utter, the sound of your heartbeat feels louder than your words. “I can’t wait to settle back in. I miss--”

Ding!

The sound reverberates from Iwaizumi's pocket.

“Shit, one second,” he exclaims, voice emitting a hint of embarrassment as he takes out his phone to read the text message he just received. “Fuck, I totally forgot. I'm supposed to meet up with some friends.”

“Oh,” you stammer. The words are laced with disappointment, but you remember you don't have Iwaizumi all to yourself. No, he isn't yours, unfortunately. And with that, you quickly switch forcing a smile to hide the gutted feeling encompassing your body. "It's fine!"

“I’m so sorry, I’ll catch up later. Just text me if you guys end up going somewhere else,” he calls out before rushing out the door.

The sound of the door shutting cues a rush of anguish flooding your chest as you wonder where he’s gone off to in such a hurry. He did say friends, but friends could mean anything including a girl.

Oikawa continues to walk around the apartment and you feel your face pale as you wonder what he's thinking if he knows who Iwaizumi's friends are.

Stop. You couldn't let yourself spiral into those thoughts. It wasn't like you to think this way, but you can't help yourself when you fear the same disappointment that surges you on the day you saw Ushijima and Sara together.

Fuck. At least insurance is giving you a bit of a break with the repair costs.

“Landlord says another week until repairs are done," you finally say, breaking the silence. "Then I can start moving my stuff back in.”

“Maybe don’t celebrate just yet, knowing your luck.” Oikawa taunts.

“Oh, is it because you’re going to miss me?” you scoff, attempting to make him squirm, but he plays right into your hands without hesitation.

“Yeah right, thought you said you were sick of me," he japes, taking a swing at the words that practically stung before.

“I guess you could say that...” you breathe.

Your words taste bitter with a drop of guilt as they leave your tongue. Perhaps you felt you owed a lot to Oikawa for basically saving your ass.

With the apartment.

With Ushijima.

You look at the bandage on his face and your eyes trail down to his bruised knuckles. Perhaps you wanted to do more than just buying him his favorite drink. Yet, you didn't even know where to start or what he would want to make things even.

“I-- I’m just joking, just to clarify. Of course, I’m not sick of you,” you sigh, reverting eye contact as you muster up the courage to express your thoughts. “I’m very happy to have you.”

I don’t know what I’m saying, you think while peering at the confusion spread on Oikawa's face. You don't normally open up to him about this kind of stuff and you feel your body burning under his gaze.

“Sorry this is a bit weird,” you exclaim as the nerves take over and you bite your tongue before you say anything else.

“No, no, I’m interested now,” Oikawa purrs.

“Well, maybe now I don’t want to tell you!”

"Of course you do," he persuades slyly grinning.

Normally the gesture makes you recoil as you witness his flirtatious nature that you've never succumbed to because that's just how Oikawa Tōru was. But instead, it just pushes the words out.

"Th-- thank you,” you say unable to even look up at him. “For everything. You’ve really been there for me when no one else has.”

At first, you think he's going to laugh in your face. In fact, you expected it so, but when you trail your eyes back to meet his, he sends you a small smile.

“That’s what friends are for, right?” Oikawa comforts.

With a deep breath, you stare into his chocolate brown eyes, drinking in his gaze and he’s giving you that look. It’s the same look he gave you last night when you were patching up his wounds. And it makes your heartthrob.

“You’re really something Tōru. No wonder all the girls fall for you,” you tease, in an attempt to push away the flush of embarrassment from his words.

“I wouldn’t say all,” Oikawa chuckles.

His voice is low and sultry, and you wonder what he means by that as contentment warmed you from within.

The exchange lingers but you clear your throat and turn away to walk around the apartment. The gesture causes Oikawa to shift his weight from side to side looking at your figure in the small space.

“I think I’ve seen more than enough,” you exhale taking one last glance out the living room window. “Shall we head out?”

“Sure.”

Oikawa walks down the short hallway, while you take a moment longer to soak up your apartment.

“See you soon,” you whisper before turning your back to leave.

Just as you close the door behind you to lock up, you hit your back into Oikawa’s frame who is standing firmly behind you.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, then peak behind his body to see Ushijima standing at the end of the hallway.“Wa-Wakkun… What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you,” he demands.

Although you can't get a good look at him in detail, you can see his face is bandaged up from Oikawa’s punch.

“I don’t--”

“And you think I’m going to let that happen?” Oikawa rages, placing his body in between you and Ushijima.

“Tōru, it’s okay,” you reiterate, touching his shoulder lightly to reassure it's not worth his energy.

“Or did you not understand anything from last night?” Oikawa continues ignoring your words and shaking your hand off his shoulder.

“Maybe we should ask Y/N instead of you making decisions for her,” Ushijima booms, remaining calm.

“Tōru, come on,” you sneer, grabbing his arm to pull him along, but he wiggles your hand off once again.

“I know for a fact she doesn’t want to talk to you," he sputters, eyes narrowing on Ushijima.

But your patience hit its limit. This time your anger couldn't be pushed down as your blood starts to boil. And you unleashed it in front of Oikawa, stepping in front of him shooting him a furious glare.

“Are you going to fucking listen or not?”

Your voice snaps him to his senses seeing your eyes glossed over but filled with rage.

“You don’t speak for me,” you thundered. “Let’s go.”

You grab his hand and yank him forward, walking by Ushijima ignoring him.

“Y/N, please,” Ushijima pleads.

Yet you don't turn back. You can't. It isn't in your best interest to talk it out or hear his point of view. This isn't something that can be fixed with words. He hurt you and you could not surrender what is left of your dignity. You had to move on, in your own way just as he's doing.

“Don’t fucking do that again,” you bark as you continue to drag Oikawa behind holding his hand tightly.

“That guy is basically stalking you,” Oikawa argues trying to keep up with your frantic strides.

“So what? I can handle it myself.”

“I was just trying to help--”

“And look what happened last time!”

Your legs come to a stop and you swallow thickly. Your voice erupts as your heart sinks at the realization of how angry and guilty you feel, of how mad you are at yourself for letting Oikawa get in the middle of your issues with Ushijima. The familiar sense of dread returns and the look from Oikawa’s shocked wide eyes make you regret your outburst.

“You got hurt because of me,” you manage to breathe, slowly sliding your hand out of his.

But before you let go, he grabs it tight then pulls you in close, your face enveloped into his chest and his chin resting on the top of your head. The sensation offsets your frustration and anger, you hadn't known it, but once you received the warm and comforting embrace you realize it’s what you really needed all this time.

“If we left at the beginning of the night, you would’ve been fine,” you gasp, trying to get the words out, but your voice breaks a little. Your chest feels tight like your heart is going to burst any moment now as it continues to descend deeper and deeper into dread.

Oikawa doesn’t say a word, afraid that he’ll ruin the moment if he does. His worry grows as he takes a deep breath in expecting you to smell like nicotine or ting of smoke, from the secret you have been keeping from him. But you have this indescribable scent that draws him in closer heating up his entire body as he presses yours into his. Not wanting to let go.

“But because I had to prove a point, we stayed,” you continue, and feel tears beginning to form, blurring your vision. “I’m the one at fault here.”

"No Y/N," Oikawa says trying to soothe you. He thinks he can forget the throbbing pain in his chest as he looks at you undone before him. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry for involving myself."

"It's okay," you say taking a sharp breath. He smells so good and his hug is doing wonders for your mental health but you pull away worried that you've overstayed your welcome.

“Why do you hate him so much anyway?” you sniffle, wiping the tears with your sleeve.

“Mmm don’t know…” he murmurs.“I just don’t like him.”

You frown at his reply. Does he really not have an actual explanation?

“Well that’s stupid,” you breathe, unsure if you actually believe it. “Did he steal a girl from you or something?”

“No!” he responds, quicker than he wishes he did. He remembers when you first mentioned Ushijima’s name, there was a sparkle in your eyes he’s never seen before. At that moment, he promised himself to not get in the way and remain neutral, but Oikawa was much pettier than that.

“Who was it?” you snort, only half sure he’ll actually tell you.

“No one,” he chuckles. “We don’t have the same type anyway.”

“Why? I’m not your type?”

Your voice is soft and innocent as he pauses to analyze whether you are being serious or not.

“Kidding! Obviously,” you snarl.

By now, there’s this ease of tension between the two of you as you lapse into silence. Nothing more needed to be said.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #oikawa x reader #oikawa x y/n #ushijima x reader #ushijima x y/n #iwaizumi x reader

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hookingminor · 4 years

Text

close quarters (3) - andre burakovsky

a/n: hi! sorry it’s been awhile I've been in the middle of moving and it’s been hectic! I hope this makes up for it since it’s a little longer than the other parts! anyway, like always, please let me know your thoughts and I hope you enjoy some jealous!burky and friend!josty sorry this is like all tys im so sorry lmao

word count: 3,928

one / two / three / four / five

The next morning Andre was out before you could even try to make up for the night before with apology pancakes. You lounged around the apartment for a few hours, hoping he would be back after practice but when the afternoon rolled around, you gave up. You had your own errands to run, and if he wanted to avoid you, you could avoid him.

It’s not like you had nothing to do except sit around all day, so you began your furniture shopping. The landlord had contacted you saying the unit would be ready for move-in a few days before the lease started if you needed it. Had it not been for the, now, awkward atmosphere you’d created because you couldn’t keep your libido in check, you would’ve rejected the offer and waited until the first of the month. However, you’d fucked up whatever shot you had with Andre and wanted to get out of his hair as soon as possible.

Though it wasn’t like he was around for you to be in his hair.

You would have made him aware of your plans had he been home, but from the hours of nine in the morning to nine in the evening, he was nowhere to be found. And when he was home, he was tucked away in his room and away from you. For a whole week, save for the three days he was on a road trip, Andre avoided you like the plague. The only times you saw him were in passing as you took turns entering or exiting the apartment.

It was a careful dance you both performed, tiptoeing around as to not bother the other person just in case that night came up in a conversation. Which was probably smart on Andre’s part because you did want to talk about it. He didn’t have to feel the same, but you wanted to apologize and clear the air at least. The last thing you wanted was for Andre to tell Tom, who would tell Taylor, how you came onto him wantonly. Your cheeks reddened at the thought of being humiliated like that.

So, for a whole week, you’d barely seen him. You spent your days out and organizing your stuff for your new apartment. You’d ordered all your furniture items and had them delivered to the building, frequently running over to guide the delivery men through the complex.

All you had left to do now was pack the few things you’d brought to Andre’s and return your spare key, which you’d probably just leave on the counter with a note that said ‘bye’ since you never got the chance to speak to him.

Your last day at his apartment was filled with packing your suitcase and bags, making about fifty laps through the rooms to double check that you had everything. You really didn’t want to have to come back because you forgot something stupid.

But honestly? At this point you’d just replace whatever you accidentally left behind with something new to avoid another awkward run in.

A knock sounded at the front door as you finished packing up the few spices you’d bought for the kitchen. Andre’s cooking skills borderlined on nonexistent and it’s not like he was going to use the chile and herbs so you figured you might as well take them with you.

You answered the door to reveal Tyson’s cheerful face, one that was way too cheerful for before noon.

“Uh, hi, Tyson,” you said, slightly confused at his arrival, “Andre’s not here at the moment.”

“I know. He’s at Gabe’s watching the game. I’m just dropping something off for him,” Tyson answered, ruffling the bag you hadn’t noticed he was carrying.

“Oh, well come in,” you said, opening the door wider for him to enter.

Tyson walked in and over to the couch, resting the bag against the coffee table. You let him be and resumed your packing, assuming he would be leaving soon anyway.

“Are you moving out already?” He asked suddenly, tearing your focus away from the box you were currently stuffing.

“Yeah,” you huffed out, “I found a new place on 36th. I’m just finishing up the last couple boxes and then I’m out for good.”

“Is Andre not helping you?” Tyson asked as he took a spot beside you at the countertop.

“No, we’re kind of… not talking at the moment?” you said, though it sounded more like a question, “I didn’t want to bother him with something I can do alone.”

“Not talking?” He repeated with a smirk, “Sounds like an interesting story, please share with the class.”

“It’s not that interesting, I promise,” you chuckled lightly, hoping to steer the conversation elsewhere.

“Andre, literally, never shuts up. If he’s not talking to you something obviously happened,” Tyson said.

You gave him a sideways glare to let him know you really didn’t want to talk about this, but he sat there expectantly as he waited for you to continue.

“I may or may not have tried to make a move on him,” you explained with a blush, “And it may or may not have been well received. And he’s been MIA for a week, so I haven’t had the chance to apologize.”

The smirk on Tyson’s face fell when you reached the end of your sentence and his brows furrowed instead.

“Wait, you’re telling me he turned you down? Burky? Turned you down?” He reiterated slowly.

“You don’t need to keep saying it. It was bad enough when it actually happened, I don’t need to relive it,” you muttered, breaking his gaze as your cheeks flamed even hotter.

“Sorry, I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I just don’t understand why he did that. He seemed pretty interested when I asked him about it,” he said. That caught your attention.

“You asked him about it?” You insisted, focusing on the last few words he said.

“I probably shouldn’t—,” Tyson stammered, noticing the mistake he made too late.

“No,” you interrupted, “No, you have to explain yourself right now. What did you ask him?”

Tyson looked at you hesitantly, and he knew there was no way out of this.

“I, maybe, asked him at the golf course after we first met if he was planning to do something, but he said no. Then I asked him if I could try something, just to get on his nerves,” he added the last part quickly, “And he said no to that as well.”

“So he’s not interested?” You asked, dumbfoundedly. At no part in Tyson’s story did Andre ever say he was into you.

“He definitely is. You should’ve seen him, he was so defensive. I think he just doesn’t want to try anything because of your roommate situation,” he gestured vaguely to emphasize his point.

“That’s so dumb, we aren’t even roommates. He was doing a favor for a friend. This was always temporary,” you countered.

“I never said it was smart, I was just saying what I thought,” Tyson held up his hands in surrender.

“Men are so fucking stupid,” you mumbled under your breath. If Andre was actually into you and not acting on it because of this, you were going to kill him.

“Yeah, I can’t say I disagree,” he said, laughing lightly.

“Well, I want to be out of here before he gets back, so I hope you don’t have any plans,” you sighed, taping off the last box you’d finished packing, “You’re helping me build furniture.”

“You don’t want to talk this out with him?” Tyson asked, moving from his spot to help carry a heavy box you were struggling with. You dropped your extra key on the counter before scribbling a note saying that you had everything moved out.

“If he wants to be an idiot, I’m not going to stop him,” you replied confidently, grabbing the suitcase and duffel bag you’d stashed by the door.

You drove yourself and Tyson to your new complex, and you were thankful for the extra hands so you didn’t have to make more than one trip.

Using your new key, you entered through the front door and were met with the tons of boxes you’d been piling up for a week now. You dropped your boxes and bags by the kitchen, which was the only uncluttered area of the whole apartment. Furniture covered almost every inch of the main living space, and you were internally dreading the hours it would take to build everything.

Tyson was just realizing just how much shit you had stocked up, but it was too late for him to back out now.

“This is going to take all day,” Tyson said, jaw falling open.

“I hope you’re good at reading directions then,” you replied, turning to give him a wide smile.

The next seven hours passed in a blur, most of it consisting of you shouting at Tyson for misinterpreting the instructions and him getting confused about which screws went where. You ordered pizza about halfway through the day, which led to more arguments about what toppings to get, but you’d rather die than eat a five meat pie.

Once the last piece of furniture was complete, your bedroom dresser, you both fell on the couch in a sweaty haze, out of breath and sore from lifting.

“Thank you for your help today,” you said finally.

“Don’t thank me yet, you’re going to owe me a favor one day,” Tyson replied, letting his head fall on the back cushion. You rolled your eyes at his statement, but he spoke again before you could say anything.

“Actually, I know what you’re going to do for me,” he said, sitting upright to look at you with a devious smile. You raised your eyebrows at his proposition, indicating for him to go on.

“You’re going to be my date to the charity dinner this Saturday.”

Despite your refutations, Tyson made it very clear you couldn’t get out of the event. At first, he blackmailed you with the furniture building and that you owed him, but that wore off quickly when you stopped feeling bad about soliciting him for help.

He called you about four times on the day of to make sure you were still planning on going.

“I’m serious, Y/N. If you’re not ready to leave when I get there in an hour, I’m taking you as is. And if you don’t want to look like a slob when you see Burky, I suggest you be ready,” he insisted for the hundredth time.

“I promise you I’ll be ready. Now I’m hanging up so I can shower,” you groaned out, tired of his constant chiding. You ended the call and tossed your phone on the bed. You’d come to terms with being kidnapped for the evening, but a part of you still wanted to ditch last minute just to upset Tyson.

After your shower, you dolled yourself up, putting on the new dress you’d bought for the occasion. It was a form fitting black number, not short enough to be scandalous but still hugged your chest in the most flattering way possible.

Maybe you had gotten it with the intention of wanting to make Andre feel at least a little jealous, but that was beside the point. If he didn’t want to ask you out, you wanted to make him eat his words.

You were finishing the final touch-ups with your makeup when your phone rang once again.

“Hello?” You answered, not needing to read the ID to know who it was.

“I’m parked out front,” Tyson said.

“I’ll be down in five,” you replied.

“Wearing something presentable, I hope?” He said, voice raising at the end of his sentence. You didn’t answer him, deciding it was better that he saw for himself just how presentable you were.

Tyson’s reaction was everything you hoped it would be and more. He leaned against the side of his car, scrolling on his phone when he heard your heels click across the pavement.

Giving you a low whistle when he saw you, he tucked his phone back in his pants before clapping loudly.

“Wow,” he gushed, “Can I get a spin?”

You laughed at his praise and gave him a dramatic turn, flipping your hair for extra effect.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to impress someone,” he hooted, opening the passenger for you.

“Play your cards right, and you might get lucky tonight, Jost,” you teased, sliding yourself across the seat.

“In another life, baby. Another life,” he said wistfully, climbing into the driver’s side.

The drive to the arena took less than thirty minutes, but the time passed quickly as you updated Tyson on your new job and he explained what you were to expect from the night. It was mainly just for the big donors, much fancier than the regular events they did for ticket-holders.

He mentioned that it would be filled with inane conversation that bored him to death most times, but he’d have an excuse to be more lenient on the mingling since you were with him. You weren’t quite sure how that worked, but it didn’t matter much to you.

“Do you know if he’s bringing a date?” You asked timidly when he’d parked the car.

“The guys usually don’t bring dates to fancy events like these unless they’re serious about them, so no. It’ll mainly just be the wives tonight,” he answered.

“Then why are you bringing me?” You asked.

“What can I say? These events are a little boring, and I am in desperate need for some drama,” he replied with a sly smirk, and you knew agreeing to this was already proving to be a mistake.

“Great,” you whispered to yourself, “I can’t wait.”

Tyson ushered you into the vast space that was now decorated with a stage and multiple tables where the ice rink would normally be. Servers floated around with flutes of champagne, and Tyson swiftly snatched two when one passed by. Handing you a glass, he offered his arm for you to take, and you both made your way to the large group of hockey players who stood with their significant others.

Gabe was the first to notice the two of you join the group, welcoming you with a bright smile.

“Josty! About time! Everyone else is already here,” his voice boomed across the table and everyone else’s gazes flickered to the two of you.

“Who do you have with you?” Gabe’s wife, Mel, asked.

“I’m Y/N,” you said, introducing yourself and reaching over to shake her hand.

“This is Burky’s roommate that I told you about,” Gabe said to his wife, but everyone at the table heard. The few guys nodded in agreement, now giving you longer looks to take you in.

“Actually, we’re no longer roommates,” you chuckled, “I moved into my new place last week.”

“Andre wasn’t around to help her move, so I stepped up. She’s here to repay that favor,” Tyson added, making it clear to everyone there that you weren’t actually together on a date.

“Ah, I see,” Gabe said knowingly, and all the guys exchanged a look. It was clear there was something being said that also wasn’t, but you didn’t know anyone well enough to call them out on it or ask.

“I hate to steal your date away from you, Y/N, but us guys have to go do our rounds,” Gabe said after a moment, pushing his chair out to stand up. You knew he would’ve been whisked away from you eventually, but at least he was leaving you with a group of women who seemed nice enough.

Andre’s eyes found you the instant you walked through the doors. He would’ve been completely blown away by how gorgeous you looked tonight had he not seen who you’d come with.

You’d come with Tyson.

His friend, Tyson. The same friend who egged him about you a few weeks ago.

Andre instinctively stood up a little straighter, peering over the head of whatever donor he was currently talking to. Tyson was leading you to the team’s table, your arm wrapped around his.

How did Tyson even know you? As far as he was concerned, the only time he’d met you was that one day in his apartment. It didn’t seem like he’d gotten a good chance to talk to you that morning, and Andre doubted Tyson would be as bold as to ask for your number in front of the guys.

The donor was listing off some statistics from the season, but everything went over Andre’s head as he watched you mingle with the group. Only now was he noticing your attire for the evening: a tight black dress where your breasts were spilling over tastefully.

He felt his chest tighten as he saw Tyson’s hand drift from your arm to the small of your back. You tossed your hair over your shoulder as you took a seat at the table, and the other guys excused themselves.

Andre saw them begin to disperse into the crowds, and he took this as an opportunity to excuse himself from his conversation, hoping Z could continue on without him.

He maneuvered his way through the busy bodies, apologizing when people would call out his name to engage in discussion. Stepping into Tyson’s path, he cut the young forward off with a gentle, but firm, hand to his chest.

“Got a second, Josty?” He asked quickly, pulling him aside before he could agree.

“What’s up, man?” Tyson asked.

“You brought Y/N as your date?” Andre questioned even though he knew the answer, “I didn’t know you guys talked.”

“Yeah, well, I stopped by that one day to drop off your shit, and she was packing. It looked like a lot, so I offered to help. We drove all her stuff over, and I helped build some furniture,” Tyson explained casually, as if the answer was common knowledge.

“And you asked her here on a date?” Andre asked, but there was more bite in his voice than he intended.

“Is that a problem?” Tyson retorted.

“I told you to leave her alone,” Andre insisted.

“Why? Do you have feelings for her? She told me about the disastrous night you turned her down, so I don’t think it’s that,” Tyson recalled, crossing his arms for effect, “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go talk to some people.”

Tyson walked around Andre’s tall frame, leaving the man to simmer alone.

Andre didn’t want to admit that Tyson was right, especially to him. Andre was into you, and he’d fucked up any chance he had when he panicked and ran away.

He regretted his decision the minute he closed his bedroom door behind him that night. He closed his eyes and let his forehead hit the door, kicking himself for ruining the moment. You were right there in front of him, lips plump and ready to be kissed, and he panicked.

Andre hadn’t expected that night would take a turn and that you would be looking up at him with lustful eyes, and he didn’t know what to do. He overthought the situation, and before he could process what was happening, he was pushing you away and running down the hall.

Now, the same point was being driven home once again. He fucked up. He didn’t kiss you, and then ignored you, and now you were here looking hot as fuck and on the arm of someone who wasn’t him.

Andre saw you leave the table and make your way over to the bar. Before he could stop himself, he was following you there, his excuses becoming even more short when people tried to grab his attention.

“Hi,” he said, catching your attention as you waited for the bartender to return with your drink.

“Oh, hi, Andre,” you replied curtly. You were wondering how long it would take for him to see you out; not that you were awaiting his arrival, though.

“You look great tonight,” he complimented as he fidgeted with his hands.

“Thanks,” you said, tapping your fingers along the bartop.

“I’m sorry about the apartment thing. I would’ve helped if I had known you were moving,” Andre persisted.

“You weren’t really around for me to tell you about it,” you declared, “And don’t worry, Tyson handled it.” Except Andre was worrying about it. He was worrying about Tyson handling you, and he wanted to not think about that.

“I’m sorry about all of that,” he apologized again. Andre wasn’t one to be at a loss for words, but it seemed he never could find the right ones around you.

“Again, don’t worry about it,” you placated, giving him a reassuring smile though reassured was far from how you wanted him to feel. Thankfully, your drink had come and Tyson had appeared at your side.

“There you are, babe,” he said to interrupt your conversation. His hand reached over to lightly grasp your hip and pull you gently into his side, “I haven’t seen you in awhile, I just wanted to check in on you.”

Andre didn’t bother to try and hide the murderous glare he was giving Tyson for pulling you away. You felt the tension between you increase tenfold, and you brought it upon yourself to break it before they started yelling.

“We should get going, but I’ll see you around, Andre,” you said, breaking Andre’s focus so he turned his gaze to you. His eyes softened immediately, and you could see the remorse hidden behind them. You gave him a shy smile before allowing Tyson to lead you away from the table.

You’d walked about twenty feet before Tyson opened his mouth again.

“He’s seething,” he said quietly, leaning down to say it into your ear. You knew Andre could see you, and you knew this little gesture would upset him even more.

“Good,” you said happily. It was only fair he suffered a little bit if he was going to be a dumbass.

“I’m going to get my ass kicked at practice on Monday,” he muttered.

“I bet if we leave now he’ll be even more furious,” you suggested, turning to give him a pleading look.

“You really want me dead, huh?” Tyson chuckled, steering you towards the front entrance.

“Hey, it was your idea to bring me. This is on you,” you emphasized.

“I know, I’m hoping I don’t regret it,” he sighed, “We’re getting ice cream on the way back.”

You laughed at his statement, nodding your head in agreement. You’d had enough social interaction tonight, and the pot had been thoroughly stirred thanks to yours and Tyson’s charade.

Andre watched from afar as you and Tyson left the arena, his hand resting near your ass as he escorted you to the exit. Tyson stopped occasionally as he said his goodbyes to those who tried to talk to him, probably making up some excuse as to why the two of you needed to leave.

Andre still had a bit of time left before it was acceptable for him to leave as he had drawn the short end of the stick this time around. His hands tightened around the glass he was currently holding, blocking out whatever Mikko was trying to tell him. Andre was glad he hadn’t driven tonight because he planned on getting trashed before the night was over to get the images of you and Tyson together out of his mind.

#andre burakovsky #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #nhl fic #my writing #avs95

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norestwithoutlove · 3 years

Note

Hi, I just finished reading to build a home (quite literally just then) and it was one of the best stories I’ve ever read. everything was so cohesive and beautifully done and has inspired me to do some writing of my own. How did you manage to keep track of minor details and plots throughout the book continuity wise, with such a large word count, thats something most authours cant do and it made it feel so much more personal and immersive. this fic was a wild ride, sorry if this sounds weird btw i dont usually do this.

Hey !! sorry this one took me a while to reply to ! thanks so much for this message it made me beam - i’m glad the fic made you want to use your own voice as well! writing is such a balm especially in times like these, so i hope you’re loving it.

holy shit i’ve just gone over this and this is a LONG answer so i’m very sorry for the essay in advance. regarding continuity and minor details:

from like very early days (essentially day one of writing) i had a very clear vision of where i wanted the fic to go, and what the major plot points were (the night of the fight aged 18 and everything which caused it, even that it would take place on the roof, sam’s overdose happening in the middle of dean’s drunk love confession, the chapter 59 love confession which leads to them FINALLY getting together happening in front of the fire and cas giving dean his poetry book, the dedication saying ‘to dean, i still do, and always will’. all of that was just sitting rotting all other thoughts in my mind and so i had to type it all out at the bottom of the word document to get it down and make sure i didn’t forget. here’s an excerpt of that very early days plan (the scene where dean comes out to sam in the hospital!!! one of my absolute favourites):

other things came later, like the wedding + concussion scene, and the scene where dean waits out in the treehouse all night, which honestly was SO cruel of me and really added to the tragedy of the chapter 38, 40, 42 arc. but yeah as with the above they sat in my brain just waiting for me to reach the appropriate part of the fic to type them up from VERY early days of the fic. opinions on this vary but i don’t like typing out the scenes that i really want to type out if i haven’t actually reached them in the fic’s construction, (does that make sense? i’ve phrased it badly) because knowing i’m gonna get to write those scenes is what motivates me to actually write the scenes inbetween. i should probably switch this up a bit as everyone advises against this form of writing but also yeah changing routine is effort.

other things plotted in the fic came about in light of the events of the show. mary wasn’t originally gonna be such a distant mother but, as spn pushed that narrative of distance and withdrawal, i thought it would be weird for readers to read a fic which pushed the deified mary mother figure like early seasons spn. especially weird for the readers to read a deified mary fic when the mary they were watching on screen seemed to differ so drastically from the one in the story. so the mary-dean relationship (which was fortunately pretty ambiguous and stilted because of dean’s grief-brain in early chapters) had to change in tbah into the really complicated entity it became. honestly the formulation of that relationship is one of the things i was most proud of in the fic because it was so thorny and hard and felt tragically real for that reason.

other things the progression of the show impacted: dean’s relationship with jack. obviously he couldnt be a nephilim in the tbah universe(!) so i had to consider another angle which would stilt his relationship with dean in the fic. considering the fact that in the show dean’s aversion to him came from a knot of grief, anger and dean’s own upbringing, i transplanted that idea onto the fic and said okay, but here it’s not about cas, it’s about john. dean untangles much of his own trauma with john through his relationship with jack in the symbols of his father he can find in his life: driving, fishing, and building. but also in the symbols of jimmy: cooking, talking, teaching. dean gets to choose between being a john or a jimmy to his son, but the question isn’t so simple, because people aren’t just symbols, and actually dean ends up being a dean to jack, which is perfect.

weirdly, i also think music helped with continuity. i had a few songs in my head at the beginning of the fic and they became like thematic seeds which could grow and make threads to be picked up throughout. i’d listen to these as i wrote, especially as i wrote the scenes i deemed the most significant. same thing with literature.

also thinking about the fic just became really comforting to me ! so i’d play major plot points in my head like a movie before i went to sleep, which meant by the time i got to writing them they’d had a lot of time to develop and pick up earlier themes of the fic. essentially all of the fic was written in light of the future of the fic, which really helped continuity and direction but also the weird tangled traumatised nature of time in the story. this figuring of time became really important because i think tangled traumatised time is essentially just the reality of grief-time.

subconsciously i’m sure a lot of stuff bled through which was unintentional, the framing of events which repeat location (dean waiting in the treehouse all night as a teenager to say goodbye to cas before he leaves for university vs dean and cas going to the treehouse as adults and finding teens there who are saying goodbye to each other before leaving for university. confession 3 takes place a literal 10 years after confession 1. confession 1 comes from cas and happens on the roof just before he leaves for the uk, confession 2 comes from dean and happens drunken in the living room after dean has had an intense and ambiguous conversation/fight with his mother, confession 3 happens in the living room after dean has come out to his mother, confession 4 happens on the roof as castiel returns from the uk and repairing every sense of the rift confession 1 caused because this last confession ends in their engagement.)

once i realised this was happening i went back and combed through those scenes for lines to be repeated. an easy example of this is chapter 38//chapter 59. here’s a scene from chapter 38 as they enter the big white house:

and here’s them entering the house in chapter 59:

i think it’s about trauma and repetition (freud has a theory about this, see Remembering, Repeating, and Working Through) in that we return to sites of trauma; trauma is reiterated in memory and in the material, but in every reiteration, we grow and heal and understand the trauma and ourselves better. it’s like an upward spiral: the first confession goes so badly, the second goes better but not good, the third good, the fourth goes wonderfully (dean’s narrative frames it as paradise: “maybe this is the sound of the trumpets on the other side”). so yeah, part of the ‘continuity’ of tbah is just a traumatised cycle of reiteration, and i say this in the nicest possible way, because these cycles of repetition are how we heal. deep down, i think that’s what the fic is all about.

tl;dr: i had a scrawl of a plan at the bottom of the word document i wrote tbah on, i thought about it a lot because it made me happy, i had a pretty clear vision of where things were going from the very opening chapter, and i was a very gay english lit student.

anyway thanks for the ask lovely i am SO sorry it resulted in the borderline novel of an answer.

#anon #answered #LONG post sorry #to build a home #tbah #deancas

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captains-writing-desk · 3 years

Text

Inappropriate

Universe: BBC Sherlock

Character: Mycroft Holmes

Type: F!Reader insert (I, me, we)

Words: 2,011

Warnings: Swearing.

Note: Jesus lads... This was quite cathartic to write in a way. Took some interesting turns... I won’t lie it almost took a different turn towards the end with cheekiness ;)

Mycroft joins you on a walk after you get angry with him and his brother. Awkward angsty fluffiness ensues.

“Deduce me again Mycroft Holmes and I’ll see to it that you suffer.” I spoke without lifting my eyes from my reading material. He immediately averted his gaze and idly rolled his palm over the handle of his umbrella. “And tell your shit of a brother he can stop fucking trying too.” My voice did not waver once and remained low in tone- perhaps making it more sinister.

“I am right here.” The brother muttered from his arm chair and I raised my brow, peaking over the top of the newspaper for one moment just to reiterate, “Personally.”

“Well we can’t help it can we, it’s something we’ve always done, it’s not our fault that you’re more fun to try. “ Sherlock never knew when to shut up which was one trait Mycroft at least had the decency to inhabit.

“You CAN help by not turning me into a game.” Mycroft looked rather offended as did his brother, “Don’t look at me like that. You’re hardly sneaky about it, seeing who can get a deduction first and just how much fucking money have you both put into this hm? Acting shocked as if you were being so fucking sneaky, you haven’t fooled anybody... Dickheads.”

“I’m sorry, you turned someone’s trauma into a game?” John piped up emerging from the kitchen , my eyes narrowed at him.

“You boys should be ashamed of yourselves. Such an awful thing to do.” Mrs. Hudson followed from the kitchen who was met with a direct glare and with that, I folded the paper up neatly and rose to my feet.

“I rather despise this household sometimes. I’m going for a walk.” I’d had quite enough of this nonsense and had thrown my coat on and shut the front door behind me before anyone could speak up.

“Rather foul mouthed isn’t she?” Sherlock commented.

“Hot blooded.” John hummed in agreement.

“I find it rather endearing, oddly.” Mycroft mused as the room openly stared at him which he took as his cue to also leave.

“I’ll scream.” Mr. Government had caught up to me and I just couldn’t be hassled to deal with him and yet, he persisted.

“I don’t doubt that. Bare in mind however, that we are in London. Nobody would even flinch if you screamed.” He reasoned.

“What if I screamed 'bomb' and threw something?” Highly insensitive yes but I was angry.

“I stand corrected.”

“Yes and what a lovely mess that’ll leave you to deal with.”

“I’d rather you didn’t.” His voice a little grave.

“Then perhaps you should bugger off hm?”

“Perhaps.” Yet he remained by my side even as my pace quickened, the swearing had subsided a little so I couldn’t be quite as angry right?

“Where exactly are you walking to?” I suppose my route made no sense to him, then again, made no sense to me either.

“Why do you want to know? Just follow.”

“So I can follow you now? No need to ‘bugger off'?” He was amused, but not at his comment, rather at the fact I would let him tag along. Not amusement, elation.

“You would be following me regardless and by that standard all you need to know is which way I am pointing and that will be where you’re going too.”

“I see. So we are just wandering aimlessly?”

“I am wandering aimlessly. YOU are wandering after me.” Why did that make him feel stupid? Perhaps it made him think too much into why he liked to stay around me as long as he could.

“Yes, sir.” He was making it seem like my fault, as if I’m ordering him to follow me. Can’t say I minded it.

We made it to Whitehall gardens and ambled through, staring at the flora that had started to turn with the autumnal weather. I was hungry now as I walked through the park and down to the embankment so I bought a pretzel from a little hut whilst Mycroft trailed behind on the phone about something so I expected him to leave soon.

I sat myself down on the wall with one leg tucked underneath myself so that my body was turned slightly and I could gaze through the bars my back rested against and watch the river.

Moments later Mycroft came and sat next to me, mirroring my pose only with his leg crossed over the other instead and he watched me for a moment until I looked at him.

“You can go. I’m quite happy sat here.” Not that he needed my permission to go but it felt as if I needed to remind myself that he could go, that I didn’t need him with me.

“I’ve got nowhere to be.” He raised a brow when he saw me relax, a wave of relief washing over me then the lamposts all turned on, what with the shorter autumnal days. I glanced around at the red leaves now lit up in this strange new light then back to Mycroft who had an amused smile fringing on his lips.

“Good,” I smiled, feeling an odd new confidence, “Do you mind if I stay here a bit longer?”

“Not at all.” He leaned back on the rails slightly as I took a bite of my pretzel, still warm from the vendor.

“Here.” I noticed Mycroft pull the sleeves of his coat down a little from the cold so I tore the pretzel in half and offered him a piece. ‘Does he even like common food?’ I thought and laughed internally at how odd that sounded. “It’s warm” I added still holding it to him. He thought about it as if it was a big decision but eventually took it.

“Thank you.” He smiled, thankful for the bit of warmth it provided him.

“It won’t kill you. Probably.” I looked out across the river feigning being suspicious.

“I’ll take my chances.” He chuckled and took a bite, humming at how surprisingly nice it was as I took the last bite of my own half and shook the crumbs of my hands then tucked them between my thighs to keep them warm.

Once he finished his half he turned further towards me and leaned in slightly.

“I apologise for earlier. It was uncouth of me.” He cleared his throat nervously but looked directly into my eyes where I saw the sincerity in his apology.

“It’s alright, You can’t help it. Besides,” I sighed, “I know you do it often- both of you. I suppose today I wasn’t in the best of moods to put up with it.” Truth be told I’d had a shit day. The sort of day where everyone I encountered decided to make my day worse than the last person had.

“Did anything happen?” He asked and I looked at my hands for a moment before furrowing my brows and looking back up to him.

“I’m not traumatised you know? That’s just John’s theory on me.” I wasn’t sure why I started with that but I suppose it did feed into why my day was crap but more than anything really, I felt the need to explain myself to Mycroft. Maybe explain why I was so difficult and rude. He sensed I had more to say and let me finish.

“Truthfully I'm not really sure what’s wrong with me. I just can’t seem to figure out how to figure out what I feel or what to do. Some things I understand but then I just get overwhelmed to point where I just numb down. I can’t quite explain it but I it just makes me cold and it scares me. I never used to be like this and I don’t mean to be cold but I just am. Then when people point it out it makes me feel like shit and I get agitated but with the wrong people.” I started to choke up, “So I don’t know. I don’t mean to be that way.” I looked down at my hands and started fidgeting to distract myself.

“You’re not cold. I’m sure anyone that knows you can tell you that. You’re perfectly fine the way you are.” He made no great speech just a simple reassurance and it was that- reassuring. “I've never understood people. They are idiots.” He summarised and I laughed.

“That is true. Yes. Mycroft I-“ I looked at him and he leaned in expectantly, “I didn’t mean to unload all that on you.” I shot him an apologetic look.

“It’s quite alright. I’m glad you felt you could say it though. That and it’s my job to make people talk sometimes.” He joked.

“Don’t pull that crap. I did it because I needed to not because you made me. I'd never crack in an interrogation.” I teased.

“We shall see.” He lifted his brow and watched me carefully.

“Did I not say that you would suffer if I caught you deducing me again?” You narrowed your eyes at him with a smile threatening to escape.

“You did.” Though he didn’t stop watching and even cocked his brow playfully which surprised me. Was he flirting? A sadistic smile slowly crept up my face.

“Are you flirting with me?” I returned the scrutinising look and he was taken aback.

“Excuse me?” He recoiled.

“You heard me. Are you flirting with me?” I demanded now, leaning in to catch his eyes until he finally looked at me. “You are flirting.” I could see it in his eyes and I was surprised by my own realisation and honestly elated though I tried to conceal it. Though now I had no idea what to say.

“I’m sorry if I was inappropriate.” He finally spoke, breaking my train of racing thoughts then he stood up. My heart skipped a beat, I didn’t want him to leave. He turned to me and I looked up at him with my brows furrowed, unsure how to proceed. “Perhaps I should l-.“ I pushed myself into my knees, grabbing the lapels of his coat and kissed him. I knew what he was going to say and leaving was not an option so I panicked. I pulled away and searched his shocked expression.

“There.” I took a deep breath and sank back to sit on the feels of my feet, “Now we’ve both done something inappropriate.” I laughed nervously under my breath, drowning in my own awkwardness and searching for any words to say to make this moment go away. I definitely misread the situation, he was definitely not flirting. My head flopped into my hands and I groaned.

“I fucked up... I’m sorry.” I mumbled through my fingers. I only wanted to tease him, make him suffer a little, but now we were both suffering for the wrong reasons.

“You didn’t fuck up.” Mycroft’s voice was gentle as his palm rested between my shoulder blades, pulling me forward until my head rested against his stomach. I really hoped he would forgive me for this cock up but I couldn’t bring myself to show my face, now or ever. However, we couldn’t stay like this forever so he grabbed my hand that was still glued to my face in shame and he urged me to stand up. My legs felt like they barely worked but I managed to sort of flop to my feet in front of him , dropping my other hand to my side and just stared at his chest. He let go of my hand and if my heart could drop any further it would have but instead, it shot up into my throat when he grabbed my waist with both hands. I looked up to see him smile then pull me into him as he lowered his lips to my own.

He pulled back to look at me fluttering my eyes open and staring slack jawed.

“You didn’t fuck up.” He repeated and squeezed my waist reassuringly which snapped me out of my daze. I bit my lip trying to stop the smile they crept onto my lips.

#sherlock #reader insert #mycroft x reader #mycroft x you #mycroft holmes #mycroft holmes x reader #fanfiction

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btsqualityy · 4 years

Text

BTS Second Pregnancy Series Extras: Rough Adjustments

Kim Seokjin

“Hey,” you heard Jin speak up and you glanced over your shoulder from where you had been standing at the sink, washing dishes, to look at him. “I got the boys down to bed.”

“Great,” you nodded before turning around without another word to continue the dishes. You heard him walk over to you and when you looked over at him, he was leaning against the counter right next to you.

“Still not talking to me?” He wondered and you just looked at him blankly. “Can I at least help you with the dishes?”

“Do what you want, Seokjin,” you muttered and Jin didn’t say another word as he grabbed another towel and dipped it into the soapy water, picking up a cup and beginning to wash it out. The two of you kept on like that, awkwardly maneuvering around each other as you got the dishes finished. Once you were done, you let the dishwater drain out of the sink and when you turned around, Jin was staring down at you.

“What?” You demanded to know as you looked at him.

“I really wish you’d stop this whole tough act and just talk to me,” he told you.

“Jin, anytime we talk lately, it turns into an argument and I’m really tired of arguing so,” you trailed off with a shrug. The two of you had been having more and more disagreements lately, from everything to the boys to something as simple as what to make for dinner. You had chalked it up to the fact that you were both just tired and stressed out, but it still made things difficult to handle.

“I know, I am too and I’m sorry,” he apologized and you remained quiet, letting him continue. “I know that it’s been tough to adjust to all the changes that have come along with having Carson, but I never want you to feel like we’re not still us.”

“It just feels like everything’s different,” you admitted, shaking your head as you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“I know, but that’s because they are,” Jin said softly as he gently set his hands on your shoulders, which helped to ground you a little bit. “We added another baby to our family after three years and that’s a big change.”

“But shouldn’t we have figured it out by now?” You wondered. “I mean, Car’s 10 months old now.”

“There’s no time requirement on it jagi,” Jin assured you. “All that matters is that we do figure it out, and we will. Ok?”

“Ok,” you nodded. “And I’m sorry for ignoring you. I know how that can make you feel and it’s not cool.”

“It’s ok, I forgive you,” Jin smiled, bringing his hands up and wiping your tears away before he leaned down and kissed you firmly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you replied, leaning forward and kissing him again.

Min Yoongi

You slowly unlocked the front door, doing your best to be as quiet as possible as you opened the door and stepped inside. It was almost midnight, and you had been pulling late nights and early mornings at work for the last month. You hung up your keys and took off your heels, setting your purse down on the small table that sat by the front door.

“Y/N-ah?” Yoongi called out and you gasped loudly as you stumbled back against the front door, the unexpected sound of his voice startling you.

“Jesus Yoongs, you can’t just scare me like that,” you huffed as you reached over and turned on the light, seeing Yoongi sitting on the couch in the living room, a fluffy blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

“Sorry,” he chuckled, watching as you walked into the living room and sat down next to him on the couch. “How was work?”

“Ugh, almost unbearably long,” you sighed heavily. “How was yours? How were the girls?”

“It was good, took them both to the studio today,” he said. “Kins was her normal self but I could barely get anything done with Kammie crawling around.”

“I told you that you wouldn’t now that she’s mobile,” you giggled. “You were barely getting away with taking her to the studio when she wasn’t crawling.”

“Eh. Then we came home, had lamb skewers, and now they’re asleep,” he finished and you hummed softly as you laid your head on his shoulder.

“I miss them,” you confessed. “It feels like I barely see them anymore.”

“They miss you too, and so do I,” Yoongi told you and you raised your head in order to look at him. “This is the first time that you and I have had a conversation longer than two minutes in weeks.”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” you replied honestly. “I’ve just been so busy with this project at work, but I finally finished today.”

“Does this mean that I finally get my wife back?” He wondered and you nodded with a smile.

“You never lost me though, you know that,” you said as Yoongi opened his blanket and you moved closer to him, smiling when he wrapped one arm around your shoulders and placed one hand on your cheek.

“I better not have,” he smirked playfully, leaning in and kissing you slowly and deeply.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized again against his lips. “Feels like I just left you with the girls and like I’ve been ignoring you.”

“Hush,” he mumbled back, pulling away from your lips to look at you. “We’re good Min, I promise.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more,” he replied, leaning in and kissing you again.

Kim Namjoon

“Finally,” you whispered, slowly stepping away from Maia’s crib after you laid her down for her afternoon nap. She hadn’t slept well the night before, which made her a terror to deal with once she had woken up. As you moved to walk out of her nursery, loud music suddenly filled your ears. Your eyes widened as you heard Maia’s whimper, and you knew that she was waking back up.

Sighing heavily, you walked back over to the crib and picked Maia up, holding her to your chest. You then walked out of her room, going down the stairs and walking into the living room, where you could tell the music was coming from.

“Joon,” you called out firmly, making Namjoon look over his shoulder at you as Mason danced around the living room. “I was trying to get her down for a nap.”

“This late?” Namjoon wondered as he looked down at his phone for the time.

“She was restless last night,” you explained shortly. “So can you turn the music down?”

“I promised Mase that we’d listen to Yoongi hyung’s mix tape together though,” he responded and you shut your eyes for a few seconds, making sure to take a few deep breaths in order to remain calm.

“Can I talk to you in the kitchen, now?” You asked and Namjoon could hear the hidden demand in your voice so he nodded, getting up from the couch and following behind you as you walked into the kitchen.

“What’s up?” Namjoon wondered.

“Look, you’re really making this hard for me,” you admitted and Namjoon’s eyebrow rose.

“Making what hard for you?”

“Handling the kids,” you said. “Ever since I told you about how Mason felt the day you wouldn’t listen to him about that turtle, you’ve been letting him get away with everything.”

“I have not,” he shot back.

“Joon, you have,” you insisted. “And it’s ok, I understand why. All I’m saying is that it’s making me struggle a little bit.”

“It’s just way harder to balance the two of them than I thought it would be,” he confessed with a sigh. “I can’t lavish attention onto Maia like I did to Mase when he was a baby because it makes him jealous, and I can’t spoil Mase to make up for it because it makes things harder for you and Maia.”

“Baby, it’s all about finding a balance that works,” you told him gently. “Two kids are a hard adjustment, and it’s ok that you’re struggling.”

“I almost feel guilty, because I was so hard up to have another one,” Namjoon replied.

“You sound like me when we had Mase,” you chuckled at the irony. “Listen, you’ve been doing great so far so you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you haven’t been.”

“You didn’t, I just didn’t realize how much I was actually struggling,” he laughed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you promised him, leaning up and kissing his lips gently. “Wanna know how you can make it up to me though?”

“How?”

“Get MiMi to bed,” you smiled and Namjoon nodded as he held his hands out, and you handed Maia off to him.

“Daddy’s got it,” Namjoon whispered as he pressed a kiss to Maia’s forehead, carrying her out of the kitchen.

Jung Hoseok

You shut the door to the twin’s bedroom, finally having got them down to bed after reading three books to them. You then walked down the stairs, planning on cleaning up the mess that Berkeley, Lennox, and Hendrix had left behind after a day of playing.

However, when you walked into the living room, you were shocked to see that the living room was now spotless. Netflix was set up on the large television that hung on the wall and when you looked down at the coffee table, there was an array of your favorite snacks on the table.

“Hobi?” You called out and you suddenly felt arms wrap around your waist from behind, and you knew that it was your husband. “What’s all this?”

“Well, I was thinking that maybe we could have a little movie night in order to relax together,” he explained and you turned around in his arms to look at him.

“It’s really nice and all Hobi, but I’m exhausted,” you admitted, making Hobi frown. “I came down here planning to clean but since you already did it, I really just wanna go to bed now.”

“Not even for a little while?” He wondered.

“I’m tired,” you reiterated.

“Not to be that husband, but you’re always tired,” he said and you moved to reply but he held his hand up, stopping you. “I’m not saying that you don’t have any reason to be, because you do. You’re fucking Superwoman to me and the kiddos, but you’re forgetting about not only us, but yourself too.”

“Hobi, I’m sorry,” you huffed, reaching up and dragging your hands down your face. “I didn’t mean to neglect you or anything.”

“No, I know,” he assured you. “You do it without thinking, because all you’ve known since the twins were born is go, go, go and it’s gotten even worse since Hendrix was born. You’re seriously gonna end up running yourself into the ground one of these days.”

“I know, but I just want our family to be happy,” you shrugged.

“You can’t make us happy if you aren’t happy yourself,” he told you and you nodded your head. “I love you Y/N-ah, You’re fucking amazing and I’m so lucky that you’re my wife.”

“I’m lucky too, especially to have a husband who will pull my head out of my ass. Oh, and I love you too,” you replied, wrapping your arms around Hobi’s neck as you kissed him. “Hey, is the offer on the movie night still available?”

“For you?” Hobi grinned. “Always.”

Park Jimin

You sighed in relief as you let the streams of hot water running from the shower head wash over your shoulders. Today had been an extremely long day, with you being stuck at work for most of it and then having to pick Noah and Sydney up from Jimin’s parents because Jimin was still at the BigHit building. You’d found yourself having more and more days like today and if you were being honest with yourself, you hated them. You barely had any energy most days, and the little bit you did have left were poured into the kids.

You and Jimin had barely spoken these days, let alone spent any meaningful time together and there definitely wasn’t any sex happening. Admittedly, you had begun to let your thoughts run away from you, thinking that maybe the little bit of extra baby weight that remained from having Sydney was turning him off and that’s why the two of you hadn’t been intimate.

You were deep in your thoughts when a knock on the shower door made you almost jump out of your skin. When you turned around and pulled the door back, you saw Jimin standing there with a shy smile on his face.

“Hey Jimin-ssi,” you greeted him.

“Hey yourself,” he replied. “I just got home hoping that I’d be in time to help you put the kids down but I see that I’ve missed that train.”

“Yeah, I put them down about an half hour ago,” you told him. “Sorry.”

“Well, can I join you then?” Jimin asked as he gestured towards the shower.

“Um, I was actually almost done,” you stammered, feeling self conscious at the prospect of Jimin seeing your body.

“Oh, alright,” he nodded before turning around and walking out of the bathroom. Sighing heavily, you shut the shower door and quickly finished up your shower before you stepped out. After wrapping a towel around yourself, you walked out of the bathroom into your bedroom, where Jimin was standing in front of the dresser.

“Hey, you ok?” You asked him as you walked over to stand next to him.

“I should be asking you that,” he said as he turned to look at you. “I just wanted to shower with you. It wasn’t anything sexual.”

“I know but it was intimate,” you replied and Jimin’s eyebrow quirked up in confusion. “It’s just...we’ve been so busy lately and we haven’t been having sex and I just...don’t feel as confident anymore.”

“Oh jagi,” Jimin sighed, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into a hug. “I love how you look, you know that. I’d touch you all day long if I could.”

“I know, but it’s easy to let my thoughts run away with me when we can’t spend as much time together,” you told him honestly and he pulled away from the hug so that he could look at you.

“I don’t ever want you to doubt how I feel about you,” he stated seriously as he reached down and grabbed your hands, intertwining your fingers with his. “Even if we can’t spend as much time together, I hope you know that I’d spend all of that time we’re apart thinking about you.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he nodded with a wide smile. “I love you so much. Please don’t forget that.”

“I love you too,” you replied, kissing him firmly. “And I’m sorry for not talking to you about how I felt.”

“It’s ok, I understand,” he assured you. “Now, how about you let me show you just how beautiful I think you are?”

“Yes please,” you whispered, kissing Jimin again as he pulled the towel away from your body.

Kim Taehyung

“Tae, let go of me!”

“No.”

“I have to clean the kitchen though!” You exclaimed. “It’s been a mess for days now.”

“Then one more day won’t make any significant difference,” he replied as he continued to hold you against his chest. After getting Spencer and Elijah down to bed, you and Taehyung had worked on cleaning up the living room and the dining room from dinner. However, when you tried to move onto the kitchen, Taehyung had grabbed you by the waist and pulled you against him, refusing to let you go.

“Seriously Y/N-ah, we should relax,” he whispered in your ear. “Feels like I barely see you or talk to you these days unless it’s in passing.”

“You’re an idol and we have two kids now, one of whom isn’t even one years old yet,” you giggled as you turned around to look at him. “What’d you expect?”

“I mean, I knew the time balance would be different but I didn’t think it’d be like this,” he admitted and you immediately took notice of his serious tone.

“Do you really feel like we never see each other?” You asked as you reached up and cupped his cheek with your hand.

“Sometimes. Ok, a lot of the time,” he corrected himself. “I mean, by the time I get home, you and the kids are asleep and when we wake up in the morning, it’s always about getting the kids dressed and fed and then ourselves before one of us heads to work so it feels like you and I never really have the time to talk anymore.”

“I’m sorry Tae,” you apologized, leaning forward and letting your forehead rest against his chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to make you feel bad for being the amazing mother that you are to Munchkin and Squirt,” he told you. “As long as our kids are ok, I figured that I could deal with it.”

“But you can’t,” you finished for him as you looked back up at him and he nodded his head. “I guess we both have to work on putting ourselves and our relationship first sometimes, huh?”

“Definitely. Hey, how about you and I go out on a date tomorrow night?” He suggested. “I can ask Jiminie if he’ll watch the kids for us and he’ll more than likely say yes.”

“I’d love that,” you smiled, leaning forward and pressing your lips to his. “And I love you.”

“I love you too jagi,” he grinned, leaning down and kissing you again, this time more firmly.

Jeon Jungkook

“Mommy!” Ava yelled as you stepped through the front door into the house, and you shut the door behind you before leaning down and catching Ava as she jumped up into your arms.

“Hi Ave,” you laughed, smiling widely as Ava kissed your cheek multiple times. “Did you have fun with Daddy and Ari today?”

“Yeah,” Ava nodded as you carried her into the living room. “Aria pooped on Daddy’s hand and it was funny!”

“I live in a house full of women who live to drag me,” Jungkook grumbled from his spot on the floor, where he was playing with Aria.

“Hi Kook,” you giggled, setting Ava down before you sat on the floor next to him, leaning over and kissing him. “Besides the poop incident, how was your day?”

“It was good,” he nodded. “I think someone here is getting pretty close to wanting to walk,” he announced as he looked down at Aria, who was crawling around the living room after her sister. “How was work?”

“Alright, I guess,” you shrugged. “I’m starving though. Did you get dinner started yet?”

“Me? I thought you were picking something up on the way home.”

“Kook, we talked about it before I left this morning,” you said.

“You mean when I was probably half awake?” He chuckled. “I guess I forgot.”

“You always forget lately,” you grumbled and Jungkook looked at you with a raised brow.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” He questioned.

“It means that I never ask you to do anything but the few things I do ask of you, you always seem to conveniently ‘forget’,” you replied.

“Y/N-ah, it wasn’t on purpose,” Jungkook told you. “And it’s not even that big of a deal.”

“But it is if we’re supposed to be a team,” you shot back. “If we’re going to make this work, we have to be on the same page and we each have to pull our own weight.”

“If?” Jungkook repeated and your eyes widened.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” you assured him, and he visibly relaxed. “I still love you, even if you’re a dickhead who forgets to make dinner.”

“I know, and I’m sorry if it seems like I’m making things harder for you,” he said. “You do so much for us, I never want you to feel like you’re doing it all alone.”

“It’s ok,” you smiled, moving closer to him as he wrapped his arm around your waist. “I love you Kook.”

“I love you more Y/N-ah,” he replied, leaning forward and kissing you firmly.

419 notes · View notes

shattered-mirror-fanfic · 3 years

Photo

Took way too long but it’s here, enjoy!

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32206135/chapters/82349017

Chapter below the cut for my readers who don’t prefer Ao3

Henry walked back onto the campgrounds, books in hand with Frisk following close behind. It was close to becoming 1 o’clock to their surprise.

“Guess we spent longer in the library than we thought, guess we gotta apologise to Toriel about being almost a half hour late home” Henry spoke, knowing he was in trouble for keeping Frisk away for so long.

“Mom most likely won’t mind if she knows that you were keeping me safe Mr. Henry” Frisk replied smiling. Henry nodded and the two entered the camp that was their temporary home.

“Hey kid, I’m gonna pop your books in your tent ok? Why don’t you got snatch us some lunch?” Henry asked. Frisk nodded and hurried over to the camps center to see if Toriel had any leftover pie for them. After Henry left Frisk’s books in their tent he made his way over to the medical tent, only to see Right Hand Man inside, sitting on a chair next to the table where a large container was, holding the fragments of their chief’s soul.

“Hey ‘enry” The man said, in a surprisingly soft tone. Heny set the book down on the table and pulled out a chair, sitting on it a tad awkwardly with it’s back in front of him.

“What’s up boss? Is the chief’s death really hitting that hard?” Henry questioned.

“He’s not-! No, he’s not dead.” The Right Hand Man argued. Henry frowned, knowing something was off.

“Well if he’s not dead, then how come his prized medallion is draped over the tank with his broken soul?” The white-haired man asked, tilting his head to the side.

“You shut your damned mouth or ah swear…” Right spoke with his thick australian accent adding an extra layer of intimidation.

“Okaaay, you’re going through some stuff, I’ll let you be.” Henry quickly responded. He sat up and walked out of the tent quickly to avoid getting Right Hand Man in more of a huff, just to bump into a familiar short yellow lizard. “Oh hey Doc, sorry ‘bout that.”

“I-it’s fine, have you seen the Right Hand Man? I meant to talk to him about your boss's soul.” She asked.

“Mister five stages of grief is in there.” Henry answered, pointing a thumb back to the tent he was just in. “Actually, have you seen Ellie? Meant to ask her something.”

The scientist twiddled her thumbs a bit before answering. “No, but she did leave a note saying she would be back by dinner, I have no idea where she is though”

“Damnit Ellie, be more specific next time.” Henry muttered.

~~~

Ellie wasn’t too fond of her soul trait. PERSEVERANCE had the lamest magic in her opinion, DETERMINATION could bend time, BRAVERY could teleport, JUSTICE could make people tell the truth, KINDNESS could heal and make shields, PATIENCE could freeze in place to avoid damage, INTEGRITY could change gravity, but PERSEVERANCE...it could only make plans based on a few minutes of worth of events. It sounds ok at first but in practice it’s not that great. Luckily, this came in handy for plotting a surprise sneak attack against your local government camp after they killed your boss.

The red-head was positioned behind a bush up on a short cliff only a bit away from said government camp. She pulled out her walkie talkie and leaned in.

“Hey Svensson, you got the coordinates for the government rats?” She asked, in response she got a groan.

“Yes I did, and I am still your superior, so it’s Mr. Svensson to you.” He complained on his end.

“Well Mr. Pain in the ass, ready to beam down the rocket launcher?”

“For the third time, you aren’t getting a rocket launcher. I’m sending down Burt, Carol and a few others.”

“Man, do you not trust me with explosives?”

“Not after the ‘Me and Henry are going to rob a chuck e cheese’ incident.”

“It was fun and it was one time!” She all but shouted into the device. She turned it off and looked back at the camp. So maybe exploding it isn’t a great idea. Ellie glanced over at one of the tents that was larger than the rest, and had a large red medical cross. Bingo.

~~~

“Hey Chara, can I ask you something? Do you know what happened to Asr-” Frisk started.

“No, we don’t mention him.” Chara said, cutting them off. Frisk set down their fork on the plate.

“Okaaay, then what about Flowey?” Frisk reiterated.

“Didn’t he want to stay behind? I mean, he thought he wouldn’t survive out here without a soul.”

“Well what if he was wrong Chara?”

“Don’t tell me you actually cared about that little bugger! He tried to kill you, Frisk!”

The child sighed and stared up at their ghost companion.

“He can change, he’s done it before, and he can do it again.”

~~~

The flower in question sat among his non-sentient copies in the beginning of the underground. Or was it the end? He didn’t know, and didn’t care. Flowey sighed, and stared up at the entrance to the underground. No one ever visited him, after all, he tried to kill everyone and steal their souls to become a god. That was only the second time. How would anyone forgive him? No one would. Why would anyone care about him though? He only hurts, it’s all he’s good for.

No. He won’t hurt again. The golden flower promised himself this, He pondered to himself about how to get out easily. Through personal research he deemed he could only travel for five minutes under the earth before needing to pop back out for at least another minute, as well as, it was difficult staying on the side of a wall without some proper hold. Thinking, Flowey noticed a vine that had fallen some time after the barrier broke. That’ll do.

Flowey popped down under the ground then resurfaced under the vine. He wrapped one of his own vines on it and slid up it like a snake, reaching the top in under a few minutes. He looked out at the mid afternoon sun, basking in the potential photosynthesis he would gain if he just gave up and stayed a flower forever. But no, he had to keep going.

After scanning the area a bit he noticed a camp in the distance that took up a hidden clearing. So that's where they went. He thought to himself. But hey, the worst case scenario is that it was a human camp, but he could blend in as some of the natural buttercups that grew around the mountain. It would take a while until he got there, but he knew it would be the start of his redemption.

~~~

“Ok would you rather fight an elephant sized axolotl or a hundred axolotl sized elephants? Honestly, either would do for me.” Chara asked, smiling.

“Am I allowed to spare either? If not then an elephant sized axolotl, it would give up to get to water.” Frisk answered. Henry laughed and leaned back.

“Nah, a hundred axolotl sized elephants, that way they won’t crush you on the way to the water.” He spoke. “Plus, I ain’t a pacifist, I won’t have a burden on my shoulder.”

“But those are innocent elephants!” Frisked shouted.

“What if they had caused the deaths of thousands? Then would you reconsider?”

“You’re cruel sometimes Chara.” Henry chuckled. Frisk smiled and knew, maybe more humans were like the toppats, they didn’t seem that bad.

“Gasp, I, the dead child sharing a soul with another child, is cruel.”

“Ok, ok, you two, reel it in, we’re meant to have a nice picnic, minus the food.” Frisk laughed. It was nice after most of their life living by themself as an orphan, to finally have a family. Sure, they didn’t have an exact father figure, but they had a mom in Toriel, a sibling in Chara, and now an older brother in Henry. It was everything they could ever dream of.

“Sorry Frisk.” Chara apologized sarcastically.

“Sorry kid, plus Chara isn’t as cruel as another demon I know.” Henry apologized, gazing at the air next to him like he was gesturing towards someone. But no, player was off minding their own weird business off somewhere that Henry didn’t care. They couldn’t do anything with Henry being there as a physical form. With this, they were most likely trying to chase a squirrel up a tree to find it’s home to (attempt to) destroy it.

“Speaking of whom, you said you’re in a similar boat to us, yeah? Well, haven’t seen your little soul buddy, where are they?” The red ghost asked, folding their arms. “Seriously, the fact you can see me means you aren’t lying, are you just in stage one?”

“No, they just don’t like people, and people don’t like them. They also much prefer tormenting squirrels than answering questions about elephants and axolotls.” Henry addressed. Chara scrunched their face while Henry just smiled.

That’s when the two humans felt something off, Frisk in specific heard dirt churning. Chara looked at them oddly as they weren’t sitting to feel the disturbance. That’s when a golden buttercup popped out of the ground.

“Well, that’s not normal, or I’ve been on the orbital station for too long.” The adult said, questioning himself. That’s when the flower turned its head, showing its face.

“That damned flower got out!”

“Nice to see you too Chara.” The flower spoke. “Anyways, Howdy! I’m Flowey, Flowey the Flower!”

“I can tell.” Henry sarcastically responded.

“Oh goodie goodie, the smiley trashbag comedian has a human twin.” Flowey spoke with a caustic remark, while Chara proceeded to lose their mind laughing at the realization of the similarities. “Anywho, I actually came here to say something.”

“What is it Flowey?” Frisk asked.

“Well…..” He paused. Why couldn’t he do it? He recited what he wanted to say on the way over, he knew he wanted to apologise, but the words wouldn’t form. He couldn’t say sorry, he couldn’t tell them the promise he made to himself...

He just was incapable of feeling true remorse.

“Of course, typical unfeeling flower. Will want everyone’s attention, then goes silent. Typical.”

“Chara! That was rude!” Frisk scolded. Flowey sighed, and popped back into the ground. Maybe it wasn’t time to repair that burnt bridge.

When Flowey popped back up, he moved himself next to a large tent near the edge of the clearing (as indicated by the large trees next to the tent). Chara was right, I have no soul, I can’t feel… Thoughts like that raced through his mind, he wanted to be better, but without a soul it was useless.

He stared around for something to do when he saw a tall man, leaning against a tree with a cigarette in his hand.

“Hey, Smokey! Y’know you’re gonna get yourself killed with that!” Flowey snarked loudly at the man. Right Hand Man looked down at the flower with a cold gaze.

“Wow Einstein, you’ve cracked the code and can leave the simulation now, hurray.” He laughed. Flowey was not amused. Instead he slid up the tree Right was leaning on and sat on one of the low branches. “And hey, ‘anks for the concern, but ah don’t get cigarettes that have tar in ‘em. So I’m lung cancer safe.”

“Huh, didn’t know those existed, anyways, I’m Flowey!” The buttercup had returned to his normal jovial mood.

“Nice to meet ya Flowey, I’m Right Hand Man.”

“What kind of name is that?”

“What kind of name is Flowey?”

“Touché” The two chuckled a bit, then Flowey asked the question that he completely forgot about in favor of introductions. “Say, why are you smoking in the first place?”

“Everytime I light a new one, ah ask myself the same thing. Then I remember my best friend is dead, there’s no HOPE left for anyone, and no amount of what if’s are gonna bring him back!” RIght started before going off into a tangent and yelling to himself.

“Hey big guy, calm down, there’s got to be some way to bring him back, yeah? Do you have his soul?”

~~~

Honestly, Flowey didn’t expect a yes, and he especially didn’t expect it to be stuck in such disrepair.

“Holy mother of asgore! What’d you do to him?!” He exclaimed.

“Only managed to get ‘im in by the time he was like this.” Right answered truthfully. He put a hand on the tank, rubbing it thoughtfully while the flower starred from his new-found perch on the Right Hand Man’s shoulder.

“Man, rough timing, eh? Anyways, do you perchance have a pot I could dip into? Soil is much more comfortable.” Flowey requested. Right sighed and kneeled down and grabbed a clay pot from under the table that had been left, he went outside and scooped a bit of dirt in before planting Flowey in it. He went back inside and set the pot next to Reginald’s soul tank before sitting onto the chair still left out from the events of earlier today.

“So, did you know that most likely if his being still exists somewhere, like the void, he would be in complete agony? I mean, I myself wouldn’t know as I have no soul, plus I’m a monster, but probably a broken soul would mean a world of pain?” The plant addressed, looking up at the top of the tent before facing the Aussie with the last point.

“Reg is strong, he can take it, he’s been through worse.” Right replied sternly.

“I’m just saying, if you really cared, you would be working your butt off trying to get him out of this state.”

“Shut it flower boy, Ah don’t need to hear how much of a failure I am.”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Flowey retorted, managing to bounce his pot closer to the tank. Two vines shot out of the pot, waving about frantically, acting like arms to demonstrate his frustration. Damn his subconscious want of misery in others, he would definitely need to work on that later. “I’m not saying you failed! I’m just saying you’re lounging around crying about your problems instead of fixing them! There’s plenty of things you could do!”

“Well do YOU have any smart ideas? Or are ya just goin’ to be a thorn in mah side?!” The toppat argued back. Flowey stewed for a moment before spotting a leather book on the other end of the table, noticing a keyword, soul. He reached for it with a vine.

“Correction, buttercups don’t have thorns. Plus, this book here may do the trick!” He pulled the book to him with immense speed. Too immense in fact that it hit the glass of the soul preserving tank. It wobbled for a moment before tilting off the table.

Smash!

#shattered mirror #undertale #thsc #the henry stickmin collection #flowey #crossover #inspired #post-pacifist ending #toppat recruits #fanfic #fanfiction #also I now put the fanfic with the post #thats fun

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proherostories · 4 years

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I hope it was worth the wait!

Ao3

Ages - Always 18+ Pair - Alpha!Izuku x Reader

WC - 6159

Warnings - Biting, Bonding (which leads to mild blood), First Times, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, knotting Notes - Izuku goes through great lengths to make sure consent is unmistakable. He’s also very...thorough. To anyone who reads this and also likes Kirishima, there’s set up about Fated Pairs that applies to a KirishimaxReader in the future.

-----

It was totally, utterly, completely rare for two alphas to get together. Alpha females weren’t as common, but your parents were not only lucky enough to have the right personality mesh for it, but be a fated pair. Which...baffled so many people, but it made their lives so much easier.

What sucked? Somehow somewhere along the line Fate decided you were not going to be an Alpha like your mom and dad. Which meant as soon as your body settled as an Omega, the complete and utter opposite, not even a Beta, your life was designated to not be easy.

Suppressants up the wazzoo to keep it hidden and save yourself the embarrassment, feeling like a disgrace. People still found out somehow and gave you grief. Bullying. Your mom not being someone you could go to for advice because she had no clue. Each time your ‘heat’ was supposed to hit you the medication just went up for a time to hold it back. Being told to just deal with it, no one to turn to, no one to listen.

Then you reached eighteen. The suppressants were failing. You begged and prayed to your body and any deity to listen, needing the medication to last just a little longer. Until you graduated, until you could move out and have the right of body and mind to do what was best for you and not those around you. To finally take control of yourself, to maybe feel healthy. Man, wouldn’t that be a dream?

Somehow, someway, you survived. You made it. You were in your own apartment, you had landed a job through a friend from school with a super understanding owner. Said friend was able to go shopping with you after your first paycheck, get you nesting items, different meds to help with the pain you could only hope would work. Also helped you get...toys. The idea didn’t thrill you, but your friend was hyper concerned. Honestly, what did you do to deserve her? Part of you wished you could just be gay for her, but sadly she wasn’t interested and as much as you tried, you just wanted her cuddles, not her bond.

Then...nothing happened.

It was a relief and also a red flag. Maybe you were a late bloomer because of the suppressants? Oh dear. Your doctor did say it might take a few months to a year for your body to regulate itself. It didn’t help your body’s growth had also been stunted, so basically if it could go wrong it was.

That...also applied to a villain crashing into the shop one day. Yay. Fantastic.

Oh...oh no, but then there was that...really cute Pro Hero, Deku...there was no way. Impossible. He wouldn’t look twice at you…

Then he did.

He looked at you again and again, actually. It started with him apologizing profusely about the shop; he always did his best to keep damage to a minimum but that one had been quite a handful. He even offered to??? Help pay for repairs via his agency??? Which was...Who was this angel of a man?

Then he came back...over and over. He really liked the shop, he said. The owner called him out on buying things to help fund the place, but as soon as he blushed so bad his freckles stood out your friend giggled to you later that that was but wasn’t the reason.

It was? You?

At one point he came in with some friends, showed them around the place, and then one of them...Red Riot? Slapped Deku so hard on the back he stumbled forward in your direction. His friends laughed when he turned beet red.

He asked you to call him Izuku...Izuku Midoriya was his name, and he...he...asked you out for coffee. It was so dumb and so cheesy but…

You said yes.

That’s how you ended up here...several months later after officially dating. You two were laughing, having a great time walking into the theatre chatting about the movie you were going to see. You’d been feeling...warm all day. Part of you thought maybe you were coming down with something? You didn’t pay it any mind, but damn did Izuku look fine as hell. You had always appreciated his body, of course. Thick, muscular, his hugs were amazing the way they wrapped around you. He made you feel so safe. His scent was delicious, too! Ugh, he literally smelled like a cinnamon roll it was so unfair but today it seemed...so much more intense. You wondered why that was? Why did your body feel so tingly, too, every time you looked at him, and your breath caught with how the sunlight was washing over him.

Even Izuku had noticed you were red in the face, but you waved him off. You were fine. You’d go to the clinic in the morning, but you would at least last your date night. That satisfied him enough. Only...you barely managed to survive a portion of the movie. You were squirming in your seat the whole time…Had Izuku always looked so...sexy?

“Hey...sweetpea, are you sure you’re alright?” Izuku whispered low and frowned at you. He reached out and put his hand on your thigh...and when you let out the beginnings of a moan his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. He slapped his giant, scarred hand over your mouth, “Oh no...damnit, I’m so stupid!” he muttered, this time mostly to himself, “I’m so used to your scent now I didn’t even...shit…” He inwardly promised himself to either bring you here again in the future or buy the DVD when it came out, but he stood abruptly and hauled you out of your seat. He didn’t even pay attention to the other people there, gathering both of your things and ushering you out of the row as fast as possible.

“Zuku, what are...what’s wrong?” Your brain was too hazy. “What’s wrong with my scent?” you didn’t even understand why you moaned.

“No time. C’mon, sweetpea, I’m driving.” He barely contained his vibrating body, his hand possessively at the small of your back. His touch was always so friendly, even if you two had been dating for a decent amount of time. This felt different, and it made your body feel hotter. Ignoring the people giving him stares was a lot harder now they were in the lobby, but at least the majority of people were inside enjoying their movies.

Once outside is where your mind finally cleared with the fresh air, “Zuku, what...what’s happening?” you asked, voice small and a bit scared. You were alarmed with yourself now, let alone the situation. “That happened so fast, I was fine half an hour ago!”

“Shhh, baby, it’s okay,” he looped his arm completely around your waist now. It felt so out of character, being on the edge of too tight, too close yet not enough. He was doing his best to let out calming pheromones, but your frightened scent made him dizzy too and his stomach twist. You didn’t belong to anyone, and oh no, his jaw was starting to ache… He took a deeeeep breath in as the wind blew by and ruffled his emerald locks, “I got you, if you let me. Let’s keep walking, it’s all downhill from here. I’ve done a lot of research, okay? I won’t let you down, I promise. I swear. I’ll be right here for you at least until we get you home. Just...leave the window down when we get to my car?”

“G-Got it…” his reassurances were a mixture of comforting and concerning and it was enough of confusion for you to follow him without thinking twice about it.

So now here you two were, on the road, on the way back to your place. Your head was pressed to the window of his car with it halfway down. It was cooling and helped what felt like a fever. “Izuku,” you finally speak up, scared and the silence was too much. His scent was also being sucked towards you...it was also distressed, but there was something...deeper there. What was it? “Please talk to me…”

“I’m sorry! I don’t mean to make you worry!” He immediately apologized, “Everyone used to make fun of me for rambling my ideas and stuff out loud so I was just thinking internally about what to do, how to do it...Ah, aah...um...your...your heat is hitting you, baby...that’s what’s happening. I was so focused on thinking ahead I forgot the now...Is it okay if I...ask you some things? Reiterate stuff we’ve talked about before?”

That explained everything. It was simultaneously a good thing and a problematic thing that your heat was hitting you. “Now’s a good a time as any, while the air from outside helps me think…”

“Yeah...yeah that’s what I thought. You love me...right?” he asked first, of all things.

“I…” your face turns as red as Kirishima’s hair, but for a completely different reason than hormones, “Yes I do. I love you very much, Izuku...why?”

“You...believe in Fated pairs because of your parents, right?”

Oh now that was a very pointed question now wasn’t it? You were pretty smart yourself, and you caught on, “Do you...think that we’re…?”

It was his turn to blush furiously, “Y-Yes...it’s my theory that because of being on suppressants so long, you were never able to really tell if you were a Fated because everyone made such a big deal about you being an Omega. Then you’ve been off of them for a while now, at least a year...and you’ve just been thinking you haven’t had your heat because your body needed to figure itself out, right? Well...I...I’ve never really been interested in anybody. I didn’t really know why. I mean...I’ve been able to appreciate that my friends have awesome bodies and stuff, but it never really did anything to me. No one’s scent has ever done anything to me...until you. I met you and everything changed. I disappeared for two weeks in the middle of us dating...you know how I said I was on a mission long-distance? I...I lied. I was going through my first real…ah...rut. I felt-feel! So bad about lying to you, sweetpea, but I didn’t know how to explain it! Now here you are, hanging on by a thread and...what did it start with?”

He talked so much and so fast. Usually, you could keep up with him, pick apart his muttering, but it took you a moment to even register his question. Even longer to think back to the beginning of your day. Now it was hard to tell if the blush you had was from embarrassment or from your heat. “I...was...admiring you. Your...your body. You’ve smelled so amazing all day, too...cinnamon sugar and vanilla...like a cinnamon roll and I just…” you caught yourself before you said ‘want to bite you’. That would sure as hell have implications in several ways. You jumped at the sound of his steering wheel creaking.

“You smell...really good to me, too, baby…” his voice was strained, his expression pained, but his eyes bore a hole through his windshield with how hard he was staring at the road. God, somehow his nostrils flaring was hot, too.

“I want to talk to you about so much...but...while you can still think, baby, do you...do you...want me to...stay with you? Help you through it? I-I-I mean! I’mavirginsomaybeIwon’tbeverygoodbutI’lldomybestand-”

“Izuku!”

Izuku whined but shut up. You worried for the steering wheel, but he was pulling into a gas station. “I’m sorry…”

“I’m...a virgin too, so I mean at least we’ll be in the same boat, but I figured as much after you mentioned you had your own first real rut.” You said as calmly as possible as he parked. You bit your lip, shifting nervously, “I’ve been...wondering why you haven’t wanted to...have sex with me…” you told him honestly, quiet and upset, “I thought you didn’t...want me...that way…”

“No, no, baby, please!” Izuku waved his hands frantically and he reached out, placing one hand on your shoulder and the other touched your cheek, making you look at him, “I do...God do I want you...I’m going to go grab some protection, okay? We’ve only been dating for a couple months and I don’t want to force anything on you-”

“What if I want it?”

He sputtered, completely taken aback, “W-What?”

“D-Does time really...m-matter if we’re...if we’re Fated? Like you think we are?” you asked him, blushing.

“No...but...I don’t know if you’re ready for babies, if I’m ready for babies...it may seem like we want it, your scent driving me up the wall and mine doing the same to you, but I want to talk about it all when everything settles down. Is that okay, sweetpea?” he carded his fingers through your hair, petting it, his eyes so gentle and loving that it made you fall head over heels for him all over again, “Bonding with you is different than the prospect of kids. Just because I go get protection doesn’t mean I can’t mark you…” the purr as he stroked over your neck made you shiver and squirm, “Can we compromise on that, baby?”

“Yes,” you whine this time, leaning in to kiss him but he jerked back, making you whine again at the loss, “Please…”

“Five minutes, tops,” he promised, “I want you, don’t you worry about that.” He pressed the button on the driver’s side to bring the window up, “I’ll be right back, my pretty little omega,” he soothed her, pumping a fresh wave of his sugary-sweet scent into the car to keep you satisfied, and then popped out of the car, using the button on his keys to lock it.

You watched him zoom towards the door of the store using his Quirk and it amused you. Even when he was out of sight, you were bouncing happily at the fact he’d called you his omega...this was going to be amazing! Even if neither of you knew what you’d be doing, you trusted him. He was such a sweet person, five steps ahead of everything. Fated? That explained so much. How you two were able to click on a whole other level. Growing up seeing your parents so in love even while they were both Alphas made you want your own Fated. It seemed like such a childish dream, but now it was happening!

Other things started to click in your mind, too. Namely how you two had really crappy school lives until high school. Bullying until a friend was able to boost you up...or in his case, friends, but they had become your friends, too. Ochako was the sweetest and sometimes Tsuyu’s blunt attitude helped you think more clearly. You never, oddly enough, felt jealous of them now that you looked back. That was good, you didn’t want something like that to come between you guys.

Like he said, before you knew it his scent was invading your senses again as he got back into the car, but hearing his pleased rumble made you coo in response. “Looks like your mood has improved. I’m so glad.” He stroked your cheek with the back of his knuckles, causing you to purr and nod your head.

“I couldn’t be happier, Zuku,” you agree, and this time as the drive continued you couldn’t help but watch him with an openly dreamy expression. You were so smitten it would probably embarrass you later. For now? You could care less.

Finally, finally, you were home.

You weren't nearly as shaky as you thought you might be. Izuku's soft and sweet smile as you opened your door had you feeling like you were on cloud nine. Absolutely floating! It was hard not to notice the darker smolder to his viridian eyes. That's what it was, in his scent that you hadn't been able to pinpoint before.

Lust.

It made shivers run up your spine and you took his big hand in yours, dragging him into your apartment with a giggle. It was here as you two took off your shoes, where your scent was the strongest, that Izuku finally released a long, loud groan. Immediately your own body heat spiked and you were thankful he was quick on the ball, reaching behind to lock the door with a sharp click. "This is really happening…" you breathe, a little in disbelief.

"I'm sorry it had to be like this," Izuku finally dipped his head to brush his nose along your cheek, "I wanted to be more romantic...god you smell amazing, baby…" his body pressed closer, his hands featherlight on your hips but you could feel how he trembled.

"I would...ah...say I'm not going to break, but…" your breath caught as he lapped at your scent gland, making your legs buckle and you looped your arms around his neck for support, "I know how strong you are...that's why...oh, mm...that's one of the reasons why I admire you…" damn he was assaulting your neck so good.

"Perfect Alpha material? I get that a lot...I always got so embarrassed, but with you…" he growled low, and you suddenly realized you never heard him growl before. If you weren't soaked, you were now and he definitely noticed with the way he inhaled and his nostrils flared, "Fuck, baby...does that do it for you?" He purred, "With you, I'm so glad I can be a good, reliable Alpha for my sweet, perfect Omega…"

When he growled this time it was very deliberate and when your legs gave out completely he scooped you up with ease. With your legs around his hips, and for a split second you worried your first time would be against the wall. He coaxed you to kiss him; searing, needy, desperate, burning...your mind slipped so hard and fast it didn't matter where you did it, as long as you did soon. "Zuku…" you whine and whimper.

He was quick to shush you, swift powerful steps towards your bedroom echoed off the walls as his heels thumped on the hardwood floor. Thankfully, even as you were losing your mind Izuku realized that while yes, still lust-addled, he was able to keep his head on his shoulders and not go feral. It didn't keep him from grunting and growling as you bit his lip or rocked against his growing bulge, but he could still think which was a lot more important right now.

It had to be because his rut had been over a month ago, which meant you were out of sync. That was lucky in this case. It also made him groan thinking about the future. You two had so much to talk about and it made him giddy, a bounce in his step that resulted in the two of you to literally tumble in bed. Your giggling laughter was music to his ears, making his heart flutter and a wide grin split his face. "I'm going to take such good care of you, sweetpea," he cooed against your lips in a much sweeter kiss, helping push you up against the pillows. He took the tiny bag with the box of condoms and a few snack bars plus a bottle of water from around his wrist and put it on the nightstand.

His attention to detail made your chest ache with love and adoration. "I believe you, Izuku. You're already being such a wonderful Alpha to me, I love you so much. C'mere...help me take off my clothes? I'm so warm, I feel like I'm overheating…"

"Yes, right, of course!" Izuku also got a little ahead of the game, whipping off his own shirt and tossing it into the abyss that was outside the perimeter of your bed. Fuck, he was littered with scars but he looked so delightful it made you want to drool.

Reaching behind your back, impatient and your heat not making you nearly as shy as you could have been, you easily unclasped your bra as his scarred hands landed on your thighs. "You know...I'm starting to feel like I'm drunk and on liquid courage…" you muse.

Izuku laughed softly, "It seems like it, doesn't it? It's only going to get worse, but I'm glad you're still here with me, baby…" he scooped his fingers under your top and you sucked a breath in. How did his hands feel even warmer than your body felt but it was still so good? He locked eyes with you, watching every minuscule detail of how you reacted as he danced his fingers up. When his thumbs hooked on your bra, he yanked it all up and off in one swoop.

For a moment, it was like time froze. He was looking at you as if you were the most beautiful being on the planet, and you took the opportunity to also openly ogle him. It helped distract from any embarrassment you might've felt while you were enjoying how his abs dipped and how the curve if his Adonis belt disappeared into his pants. "Wait...is that a little happy trail?" You giggle and reach out unthinking.

Izuku sucked in a sharp breath. It was apparently your turn to smooth your fingers over his tummy and play with the smattering of green hair that also disappeared into his pants. "We'll get to that," he chuckled, voice strained but clearly amused in spite of it, "You're such an adorable little Omega, aren't you? So innocent and curious." He crowded your space, forcing you to lay down flat on your back, your hair splaying on the pillow. The way you bit your lip and looked up at him with big doe eyes made him grasp your chin and a slow smile lifted his lips, "Yes, just like that. So beautiful and yet so cute. Tonight is all about you, baby. Let me have a good time learning your body, yeah?" He leaned close enough to brush your noses together, "Make you a wonderful whimpering mess, begging for more, begging for me…"

"Yes, yes, please take good care of me, Izuku," your needy whine made him shiver, "Show me more, need more...touch me, touch me all over…"

"Like this?" Izuku repeated his earlier action, starting at your hips and working his way up. He grabbed your breasts firmly but kept his strength in check. He was experimenting, after all. That included dragging calloused thumbs over already perky little nipples. Since he was now seated between your thighs, he fully expected you to start rutting your crotch against his. The warmth of your core radiated through his jeans, and he watched with fascinated dark eyes as your own rolled back at the friction, "That's it, baby, go ahead and use me...the more you orgasm tonight, the easier it's gunna be…"

"Mm...you learn that through your research, Zuku?" It was meant to tease, but you panted as he rolled your mounds in languid circles, kneading the flesh like a cat, massaging and then pinching your buds which made you gasp.

"Partially, but the other part is speculation. Your slick is going to be plenty of lubrication, but not only is it good to have more...you'll also, uh, be more relaxed...I'm not…" he blushed enough it practically glowed in the dimness of the room, "I'm not exactly small...and my knot could hurt you. So I gotta work you up, baby. Last thing I want to do is hurt you."

You nodded, trusting his intuition. Whatever he had planned you would roll with as much as possible. Still, your mind was growing hazier as both of your scents filled the room and you were surrounded in his cinnamon sweetness. “Please…” you breathed, not exactly sure what you were pleading for. Him to grab and massage your breasts more? To feel him more fully and not through the confines of his jeans? At this point you simply even wanted him to touch you…

“I got you,” he soothed and leaned down. At first, he kept his tongue flat, rubbing it over one of your nipples before closing his lips around it to give the bud a good suck. With the way your back arched he knew he was on the right track, swirling and teasing it next before testing the waters by lightly grazing his teeth. That certainly caused your breath to catch in a gasp, and he tugged on the nipple with it pinched between his pearly whites. With the other nipple, he rolled and twisted it between his thumb and forefinger, pinching and tugging on it at the same time.

“Izuku!” you cried out, needy and slowly becoming delirious. Your hands gripped his shoulders, your head tossed back and flipping from side to side in pleasure as you ground your hips down hard. The teasing of your nipples, the squeeze of his palms on your mounds, and the way his dick through his jeans throbbed had you going out of your mind within minutes. “If you keep doing that, I’m…”

“Didn’t I already say?” he rumbled and your whole body shook, “That’s what I want...go ahead, Omega, whatever you need…” as he said ‘Omega’ with a growl he rolled and bucked his own hips into yours, ripping another cry from your throat. Fuck, he really liked that sound, so he continued what he was doing with your breasts, switching it up and doing the opposite. He really drove you up the wall this time, and now he did it once he started humping into you, his jeans rough even through the fabric of your own bottoms and it all drove against your clit. With his ears peeled, he kept track of how your breath hitched, what made you gasp, how you whined, filing it all away for later use. If he wasn’t careful, teasing you might become his new favorite pastime...but somehow he doubted you would mind.

“Zuku...Izuku...oh god, Alpha, Alpha, I’m...hnn…” you couldn’t even think now, blabbering with need, and with a few more good ruts of his hips into your core you wailed, back arching and body locking up.

“That’s it…” he breathed heavily and took his hands off your oversensitive body. He started removing your bottoms and all the while he skimmed a kiss over your lips, and then down your neck. Flicking his tongue over each nipple he smooched your sternum, across your belly and then pulled back to strip you completely naked. Now you did blush, biting your lip as you looked at him, completely out of breath. He didn’t want to leave you feeling vulnerable by yourself, so he started doing away with his jeans. As soon as you caught sight of his thick cock your breath hitched, causing him to blush bright again.

Wanting to touch him, you sat up a little and tried to reach for him but he caught your hand. With a shake of his head and pushed you back down, “Next time,” he promised, kissing your knuckles. He kept his hips away from you now, but that didn’t matter because the idea of ‘next time’ had you whining and moaning. “I’m not done with you, pretty Omega.” That had your eyes going wide. What...what else was he going to do???

You were about to find out, but first he kissed you hot and hard as he decided to lick into your mouth and toy with your tongue for a little bit. To you relief, but slight disappointment, after he broke away from your lips he settled himself on his stomach between your legs. Immediately your eyes bugged out while he put your thighs on his shoulders, hooking his thick arms underneath you. Hunter green hair, curly and wild, disappeared between your legs as he went to town.

It was like nothing you had ever felt before. Eyes rolling back, your sensitivity from your first orgasm of the night had you already keening and trying to buck against his hands holding your pelvis down. He had to have anticipated it, locking you into this position, and it was clear you had no escape. It was so odd, having barely an inch to rock forward if he did something good or jerk back against the bed if he did a little too much. “Zuku, oh god…” was the best thing you could breathe out.

Your coil was tightening fast, and he must’ve heard your breathing pick up because he shifted his arms, using one arm, only one, to keep you in place. Everything changed as soon as you felt the tips of scarred calloused fingers prodding your entrance. This was really happening and you wanted it, “Yes! Yes, yes, please Alpha, fill me up…” you heard his muffled groan against your center and you nearly orgasmed all over those digits because of the way they slid inside with ease.

Mouth latched over your clit, Izuku pumped his two fingers in and out of you slowly but surely. He could feel his cock leaking against your bed and he whimpered himself, the vibrations causing you to jolt and gasp. Ooooh...letting a growl out he couldn’t stop the smirk and started stretching his fingers in a scissoring motion, opening you up as good as he possibly could. Could he wiggle a third in? You were taking two so nicely, and with his knot later… “Mmph…” he moaned, jerking his own hips against the sheets. He decided to try it.

“God, fuck...yeah, baby, such a good Omega, taking three fingers for me...I’m going to stretch you out the best I can, alright? So good, so perfect, just for me, all for me…” he blabbered, practically vibrating with anticipation. Your answering mewl pulled at the already fraying edges. He couldn’t last much longer himself, “Just one more, baby, my sweetpea...then I can give you what we both want...you want me to take you? Nice and slow and deep? Your slick tastes so good, baby, can’t get enough…”

You didn’t take Izuku one for dirty talk, but you supposed you were both lost in the moment and each other the words were tumbling out of his mouth much like his usual ramblings. It was endearing, and what he was saying was definitely working. “Yes, Izuku, I’ll be so good for you...you’re taking good care of me, Alpha, sweetheart, oh god...I feel so full...I’m close…”

“I know you are, I can hear it, the way your breathing changes...god I can even feel how close you are right now…” his cock twitched. He was doing good. He was making her feel this way. “Gunna make you feel even more full...you want that? You want me to fill you up with my knot?” he pumped his fingers a little faster and curled them upwards.

“Yes!” you practically screamed in response, stars exploding behind your eyes for a second time in no time flat. “Right there…” you moan wantonly.

That was it. Rearing up, your leg going limp on the bed as you turned into a puddle, he surged towards the nightstand for the convenience store bag. He practically tore the box to shreds trying to get to the condoms, causing you to giggle breathlessly. The sound distracted him long enough he blushed shyly and went slower, making sure to pinch the tip and roll it on properly, nice and snug especially over the slight bump of his knot until it was flush against his groin. “Are you ready, baby?” he cooed, leaning his body over yours and with his dick in hand he rubbed the tip against your core.

“Yes...I want you, Izuku, I need you, so much. I love you, okay?” you smile at him sweetly, reaching up and wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him down until your nipples brushed against his chest, and you forced your jelly legs up onto his hips, “Take me, make me yours.”

Jittery, nervous, he nodded and kissed you to distract you from any discomfort as he pressed into you. Oh, this man. All yours, too, your Fated, your Alpha, your Izuku Midoriya. He was right, though, even if it was dirty talk he did, in fact, fill you to the brim, until you believed you couldn’t take anymore. Stuffed so full of his cock, of him in your heart, tears brimmed your eyes. When you saw him about to fret over you, worries filling his eyes, you shushed him by petting his hair and his face, smiling with so much love and adoration that his own expression morphed from concern into a matching one, “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, sweetpea,” he kissed your nose, your cheeks where he licked at your stray tears, and then your lips, “I’m going to move now, okay?” at your nod, he shifted his hips and you both whimpered at the loss, only to moan when he pushed back in. He even lost his balance on one arm and dropped down even closer, allowing you to koala yourself onto his body. He chuckled and repeated the soft thrust, this time with a bit more purpose, a bit more force. “Good?”

All you could do was nod into his shoulder, eyes rolled back, “More…” and he complied. Again and again. He was big enough and even curved naturally that with one more shift of his hips he was hitting your g-spot both in and out. “Oh, Izuku…just like that, baby...don’t stop…”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” he huffed into your shoulder, groaning along with you, “So tight…squeezing me so much…” Your heat-soaked scent was right under his nose. “I won’t stop until you cum again, baby. Gunna give you...such a good time…” he pumped a little faster, but more shallow. He couldn’t stand pulling out of you all the way.

Somehow, his grinding and bursts of his hips were what you needed. “Right there, just like that!” he was pressing into your cervix, you could feel it. Part of you was massively disappointed he wouldn’t be filling you up with his cum, but you also understood why. You couldn’t think clearly enough to talk about it. All you knew you wanted was this, this burning heat, the way his panting filled your ears, his scent in your face. You were trembling and whimpering, unsure how to even handle it all. “I’m gunna…” off you went for the third time.

He still didn’t stop.

Your mind was barely able to comprehend that he was kissing you with bruising force because you were nearly screaming bloody murder. His mouth swallowed everything as you thrashed and writhed against him, your nails digging into the skin of his shoulder blades. That made him groan hard into you next, and he was plowing into you now. A fourth hit you without warning and it was like a continuous one from there, but he silenced your screams with his kisses.

“Ready for my knot, baby?” he growled between your sobs. He didn’t know how long he was going to hold out. It was his first time, too, after all. You were clamping down on him so hard his knot that was swelling was catching on each pass. He could hardly think now, either. “Can I bond you? Baby, can I?” he pleaded and you didn’t know why.

“You promised…” you managed to gasp.

“Ha...I did, didn’t I?” he was too breathless to chuckle, but now his jaw really ached, his fangs coming out. Yours were as well. “So close...Omega, baby...oh…” he kissed you again and along your jaw while his hips kept snapping, his hands creating bruises from his fingertips, and when he grazed where he would bond you he yelped. It hit him so suddenly his hips jerked and stuttered, slamming all the way inside. Latching onto you, his fangs broke the skin as his knot inflated, his cum filling the condom as your blood touched his tongue. Not even a second later your own managed to bore through his neck, but he didn’t even flinch.

It all came together, and it felt like everything snapped in place as your Bond formed between you. His chaotic mind was at peace. Your aching hearts were calm. Everything was still, beautiful, as you were lost in each other’s embrace. You both found who you had been waiting for all this time.

Fate had decided to be kind.

#izuku x reader #alpha!izuku #izuku midoriya #bnha writing blog #bnha writing #mha writing #omegaverse #alpha x omega #Hold me up against the wall give it till I beg ( naughtyDeku )#notsfw #naughty #scandelous

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hollenka99 · 3 years

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The Doctor’s Sons

Summary: This entire clone situation with Ranboo has been occupying Docza’s mind but not for the reasons Techno seems to think.

Warnings: Implied/referenced death

If he was going to be honest, he wasn't particularly paying attention to the conversation going on behind him. He thinks it was about Techno's experience of travelling in the TARDIS with him. Whatever Technoblade and Ranboo were discussing, he was glad the two of them were getting along. This entire cloned offspring situation had thrown him for a loop. It certainly complicated matters. He would rather focus on figuring out how best to placate both sides of the war between the humans and Hath. Although, undeniably, he may have developed a soft spot for Ranboo without entirely meaning to like Techno had. "You will. Won't he, Doctor?" He is brought back to the present. "Hmm?" "Do you think Ranboo'll see any new worlds?" "I suppose so." A warm smile forms on his face. As unsure as he was about these events, there's no doubt he wouldn't mind another friendly face tagging along. "You mean- You mean you'll take me with you?" "Well, can't leave you here, can we?" "Oh! Thank you, thank you, thank you." Ranboo's arms find themselves around the Doctor before he can react. It is too familiar of a feeling. Wilbur stares down at the key his father had handed him moments before. "You're trusting me with your TARDIS?" "Well, better than you stealing one like I did." The force of the hug is not something he is expecting. "Thank you, Dad, thank you! I promise I'll take good care of her." "You'd better. And don't be gone for too long, okay?" With a grin, his son pulls away. "You got it." "Come on, let's get a move on." And like that, Ranboo is rushing off round the corner. For a split second, he could have sworn Tommy was the one leaving his sight. "Careful, there might be traps!" "Kids! They never listen." He can feel Techno glancing at him, face falling as he realises his Time Lord friend isn't so ready for joking around. "Oh, I know that look. You see it a lot where I'm from. Piglins with frowns and smaller versions of themself. You've got Dad Shock." His brows momentarily furrow. "Dad Shock?" "Sudden unexpected fatherhood. Takes a bit of getting used to." Ah. "No, it's not that." "Well, what is it then? Having Ranboo in the TARDIS, is that it? What's he going to do, cramp your style? Like you've got a sports car and he's going to turn it into a people carrier?" Might as well be truthful. "Techno... I've been a father before." "What?" "I lost all that a long time ago, along with everything else." "I'm sorry. I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? You talk all the time but you never say anything." "I know. It's just... when I look at him now, I can see them. The hole they left, all the pain that filled it. I just don't know if I can face that everyday." And it's true. If he allowed himself the chance to truly reflect on it, he'd be too preoccupied with all the memories Ranboo had unintentionally caused to resurface.

----- Wilbur appears at the door of the TARDIS with baby Tommy on his hip. He nearly doesn't notice, busy with performing maintenance on the console, but when his eyes catch on his son by the entrance, he happily pauses to face them with wires still in his grip. "Is something up?" "Oh, it's nothing. Just thought you might want to know Tommy's found a new way of getting around so everybody better watch out." He moves so the infant is positioned to stand of his own accord. Crouched, he encourages his brother. "Hey Tommy, you want to show Dad what you can do?" Tommy obliges by taking a number of clumsy steps before collapsing to the floor. Oh forget the wires, so long as he kept them away from the toddler's reach, it wouldn't be a problem. By the time he's taken a step forward, he is going back on his initial reaction. Come to think of it, there was only more work to be done now. His hands weren't entirely clean either. And besides, there was time to celebrate this milestone later. "That's amazing, boys. Guess I need to Tommy-proof the TARDIS now that he's walking. Call for me if you need anything." "Sure. Come on, Tommy." He throws open the doors. "This, boys, is Spica, in the constellation of Virgo. Or, at least, what's left of it because in a few short minutes, it's going to begin collapsing in on itself." "You've taken us to watch a star die?" Wilbur raises an eyebrow. "What's the point in travelling the universe if you can't admire the view every now and again?" He smiles. "We'll stay here for a little while then I'll bring us a few weeks forward so you can both see the supernova at its peak." True to his word, their father soon repositions them so they have a more enticing display to witness. Arms on both of his sons' shoulders, they all marvelled at the sight before them. "One day, when you're both done with the Academy and only if you want to, of course, I will show you the universe. Then, perhaps, you might want to see it for yourself and show me things I've missed. Sound good?" Wilbur, already intrigued by it from a young age but in love with the prospect ever since he faced the vortex in its purest form, beams at him. "Definitely." "Will we get to see more stuff like this? It's really pretty." Tommy asks in a voice that is small yet paradoxically loud. "Oh, you bet. All of time and space with just the three of us. It'll be great." "Tommy, you'll be fine." He reassures the eight year old who was due to be sent to the Time Lord Academy. "But I'll be away for so long. And... and what about the Untempered Schism?" "Yeah, maybe you'll go crazy." "Wilbur." A warning glare. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." He throws his hands up, failing to suppress his grin. "It made me want to graduate as soon as possible. Arguably, not the best thing for a kid who had only started his time at school since it made me insufferable as a student but now I'm free to go where I like." "But remember, if you run, there's no shame in that. I did and I haven't really stopped. Honestly, you shouldn't even be exposed to it so young but unfortunately, it's part of growing up for us." "We'll be here for you, whatever happens." "Exactly." Tommy looks between his father and brother. He nods with more confidence than he's had all day. "Alright." When he feels a significant breeze in his living room, he knows something isn't right. His hypothesis gets proven when he sees a fireplace by one of the walls. An opening appears from the fireplace he knows he shouldn't have which reveals Wilbur and a boy with bright orange hair. "Surprise! Sorry to show up uninvited but you're a very difficult man to get ahold of. Don't worry, Tommy was the one who gave me the co-ordinates." "H-Hiya, mate. It's been a while." "Yeah... about that. This is Fundy." Once sat at a table with tea for the adults and biscuits for the kid, Wilbur launches into the story of what he had been up to since leaving home. Including, it would seem, discovering a planet where a branch of humanity's descendants had evolved camouflage abilities, meeting a half-Ichthyoan woman there and staying for her. When Fundy returns to his father's TARDIS, subsequently leaving the range of being in their earshot, the older of the Time Lords puts forward the question that had been bothering him. "Are you going to stay there indefinitely?" Wilbur chuckles. "No. You think I could do that to myself? Nah, I'm there for Sally and Fundy but once he's grown up, I think I'll leave. For now, I've been doing the same sort of thing you did. They barely notice I'm gone most of the time." "I don't think what you're doing is wise." "It'll be a while before I'm 100 and I don't plan to find myself in a situation where I'd risk regeneration any time soon. I have plenty of time to have my hearts broken. No need to rush into it with one of my first serious relationships." "If you're sure, Wilbur..." "I am. Don't worry." "You shouldn't do this." "The time for adventures is over." Wilbur says grimly. "For now, at least. I can't stand by and let our people lose this war, not if I can help in some way. Stay on the sidelines if you want, be there for Tommy. But I need to do this. I don't think I could forgive myself if I didn't do something." "Wil-" "We're meant to only observe, right? All of time and space and we're meant to let histories happen as they were supposed to, never interfering in the slightest. You can't make yourself do that. I can't either. We've made friends but we've also seen the natives of the places we visit get hurt or even die. Sometimes we had the power to prevent it but failed to do so somehow. Well, this is me trying to prevent needless deaths if that's possible. The Daleks can't win. We both know how devastating that would be to the universe. They just can't. It- it's already leaving the universe destroyed in its wake. So I'm not letting that happen, not if I have any say in it. You've made Earth your home and I'm glad you've found a place like that. But... Gallifrey is mine." His eldest son chuckles. "I can't find my Earth if Gallifrey burns right before the rest of the universe does." "I can't... I can't let you do this." "Tommy, Sally and Fundy. Look after them for me. Please. Yourself too, of course. I promise I'll be back in one piece before too long. Same face as well, hopefully." "That's not funny." Wilbur takes his hand, a grin forming. "Like I'd let a Dalek exterminate me. I swear I will be absolutely fine. You have nothing to worry about." He sighs. “Please stay safe.” “Of course.” When Wilbur heads out the door, he reiterates his promises. In a way, he does keep one of them. Wilbur does return in one piece. The only loophole was that it wasn't the way his son intended to do so. He isn't even recognisable to his own family.

Tommy activates the breaks while his father is in the middle of preparing for another trip. "You need to stop running." "Excuse me?" "Wilbur died and it seems like all you can do is jump in your TARDIS for another adventure. You refuse to talk about him, you don't let yourself stay anywhere for long or speak to people unless you absolutely have to, you- you barely even look at me either. Guess what, I miss him too. And trust me, I know I'm the worst with dealing with this sort of thing but at least I'm not acting like everything is fine. You told me it would be a trip or two to help make it easier. Bullshit. Let me go home." "What, so you can fight yourself? No, I don't think so. Over my dead body." "Yeah. Yeah, actually, you know what? I think I might. He was right. This is not the time to hop from planet to planet or from one time period to the next. I'm going home one way or another. Even if I have to sneak back to the TARDIS when your back's turned. It's not like I don't know the co-ordinates." "We are not going back to Gallifrey, it's too dangerous." "You don't have to step out that door when we land but I will." The two of them end up participating in a glaring contest. "One last trip." He offers. "Do you not understand the meaning of 'no'?" "Let me fit in one more then you can go. You can even pick our destination, if you want." With everything he has, he wishes Tommy had stood his ground and insisted on returning home. He wishes he himself hadn’t been so persistent in attempting to keep his remaining child close. At least that way, the young Time Lord wouldn't have been armed with only curses during an unexpected run in with Autons. ---- "It won't stay like that. He'll help you, we both will." "When they died, that part of me died with them. It'll never come back. Not now." "I'll tell you something, Doctor, something I've never told you before. I think you're wrong." The clone of himself with Enderian DNA sprints back into view. "They blasted through the beams. Time to run again? Love the running, yeah?" "Love the running." The pain of his conversation with Techno seemingly erased from his face, he lets adrenaline fuel this next part of the adventure.

#dream smp #philza #docza #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #technoblade #ranboo #my writing #based on a scene from the doctor's daughter

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radramblog · 3 years

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Radiohead Retrospective Part 8: Slowly we unfurl

Last week I compared The King of Limbs to Kid A, a reference I find completely natural. Both albums use significant electronic and ambient instrumentation, especially compared to the albums preceding them, and both feature stark, surreal imagery and lyricism. Kid A is a response to the band’s discomfort at getting huge, while The King of Limbs is a response to them deliberately getting much smaller after cutting ties with EMI/Parlophone.

I’m also pretty sure that comparison really pisses off a bunch of people who really like Kid A and really don’t care for The King of Limbs. And they’re entitled to their opinion, but they’re wrong. Album’s great.

Aside from potentially the spookiest cover of any Radiohead album, TKOL as it’s so abbreviated happens to be the shortest Radiohead album, clocking in at 8 songs and under 38 minutes (for reference, the longest one is Hail to the Thief at 14 songs/~57 minutes). It does not, however, seek to be wasting any of those minutes, despite the often looping nature of its songs, each drizzled in enough Stuff Going On that it feels much deeper than that short timeframe makes it seem.

That, or I just get lost in the groove.

While the comparison to Kid A is probably getting a bit old at this point, I think I’d like to reiterate it by comparing the opening seconds of Everything in its Right Place to that of TKOL’s opener, Bloom. EIIRP opens with this ultimately simple electronic line that feels cold and robotic, and while Bloom’s opening moments are still obviously electronic, they’re clearly made of something more lifelike. And by that, I mean it sounds a lot like a heavily edited, chopped, and looped piano line, one that folds itself into the very genuine percussion loops that follow. It’s a difference of tone, this life against the coldness of silica, even though the two are obviously both computer-made.

I don’t think Bloom truly comes into its own until that bassline comes in. Fortunately, it only takes like a minute for that to happen, with the incredibly ethereal and reverb-y vocals soon to follow. The bass is ultimately incredibly simple, but it adds such a grounding to the other instrumentation, those rapid, looping, high-pitched tracks that go on and on et cetera. And then you get about a two-thirds of the way in and the brass and strings come in that I had entirely forgotten about, but are so pretty, during the bridge (?), it’s genuinely quite lovely.

I wouldn’t call Bloom a banger, because it’s not that type of song. But at the same time, Bloom is a banger, basically.

By comparison, Morning Mr Magpie feels much more organic, in that more of the instrumentation being looped is acoustic/”real”. There’s a very delicate and deliberate guitar strum that the song is built around, with a similar but looser bassline meandering around in the background as it goes. MMM is much more built around the vocals than Bloom was (apparently the bass and vocals were the last things to be added to that track), more concrete images developed, and an actual verse/chorus/verse/chorus structure which feels a little strange on an album like this.

The instrumentation on this track feels anxious, the guitar and percussion reminding me of drumming my fingers on the table in impatience or nerves, but it’s so uncomfortable that it can’t get it perfectly rhythmic.

And frankly, this song does make me uncomfortable. You see, magpies in the UK have an association with thievery, collecting, and having an eye for shiny things. In Australia, magpies are associated with pecking people’s eyeballs out. So there’s a bit of a disconnect between countries and species is what I’m saying.

At some point I had decided that Little by Little was my favourite song on TKOL, and while I can’t really justify that, but I will (for now) stand by it. It’s got some excellent instrumentation- jingly background loops sounding like a machine, or even a bicycle, giving the track a sense of motion. Meanwhile, the bass is just absolutely killer, somehow both intricate and simple-sounding, notes that sound almost the same but aren’t quite. The lyrics are nursery-esque, with rhyming pairs and idioms aplenty. “Little by little by hook or by crook/I’m such a tease and you’re such a flirt” is a really fun couple of lines, even if they really don’t have the same meaning outside of context as they do inside.

Every time I think I’ve heard everything there is to hear in this song, there’s more to surprise me. The different guitar lines, the background noises, rising instrumental and sinking vocals. Underrated, methinks.

Track 4 is the shortest song of the shortest album, Feral. Not so much lyrics in this, as snippets of heavily edited vocalisations- they might say something, but you’re sure as hell not going to figure that out listening to it. The song is heavily percussion-driven, to the point where there are long spans of it where the looping drums are the only instrumentation actually present. More electronic white noise comes in later, getting louder and harsher, as the vocal snippets increase in frequency and variability, but there’s always those drums, keeping on keeping on.

Feral is kind of in an odd spot, frankly, because it is one of hose tracks that’s fine, it’s good¸ but I genuinely cannot imagine being in the mood to listen to it. It’s tightly wound, almost stressful, but what little is added on doesn’t especially cater to that mood. I think there’s some comparison to be made to The Gloaming, of all things, though I think I like that track better than this one.

youtube

The one single from the album is Lotus Flower, and if you haven’t watched that music video…fucking, do it? Thom is just iconic in this one, channeling memetic levels of weirdo-dance. Lotus Flower makes the best choice for single on this record, being both the most past-Radiohead-y, and the most traditional song-y track on the record, somehow. Thom’s falsetto is at its peak here, utterly gorgeous in performance and presentation, with loops on some of the held notes that in some cases only just reveal themselves as artificial.

This is not to discredit the instrumental, with the best Radiohead use of handclaps since 15 Step (to my knowledge, the previous iteration of this), an electronic instrumental that would probably make a much sadder song were it not for the vocals and the groovy bassline. Seriously, the bass makes this piece genuinely danceable, it’s incredible.

…man, look at him go.

Every time I hear Codex I think it’s the last song on the album, and I always have to remind myself, no, it’s not that short, come on. This slow, sad, piano ballad (?) echoes previous album closers while still feeling incredibly TKOL, its piano being reminiscent of Videotape, brass coming in like Life in a Glasshouse, and utterly down vocals akin to any number of Radiohead’s finest. Some of the lyrics are actually very reminiscent of Pyramid Song, imagery of, well, jumping into bodies of water, but as that track’s river was full of tragedy and memory, Codex’s clear lake is, apparently, clear and innocent.

I was thinking about that album-closer comment before I heard the section of the track that comes in at 3:35, with wavering strings that feel incredibly like Kid A, like Motion Picture Soundtrack and How to Disappear Completely.

I should probably stop comparing Codex to other Radiohead songs, though. It does stand on its own without those, a beautiful, melancholic song. It is incredibly chill, muted even, the kind of song to float in the water to, staring up at the stars. It’s down, but it’s not in pain, if that makes sense? Like, the vibe I get from it is of acceptance, and of moving past what’s holding one down- something you repeat in your head while you’re deep in the shit.

Wait that’s just How to Disappear Completely again, fuck.

Moving on, Give up the Ghost opens with, of all things, birdsongs. It’s actually an acoustic guitar ballad to pair with Codex’s piano ballad, multiple iterations of the instrument layered over each other in a natural but artificial soundscape. The vocals do the same, with the lead harmonising with a backing refrain of “don’t haunt me” to give this relatively gentle track a sense of desperation, almost (I’ve seen it written as “don’t hurt me” in some places but…come on, listen to it, also it is Give up the Ghost after all).

Give up the Ghost is another very chill track that you can just lean into and relax by. Even as it gets more complex and layered as it goes, with another background vocal layer edited in the background steadily getting fuzzed and less comprehendible, the song doesn’t stop being what it is. That acoustic line doesn’t stop vibing, the tempo doesn’t pick up, it is more than content to stay right where it is. And it’s a comfortable stop.

The album’s final track is Separator, and it is frankly one that I always forget. Despite being the actual track closer (sorry again, Codex), it doesn’t have that impact that tracks like Street Spirit (Fade Out) or A Wolf at the Door do. Ironically, this might make it the most fitting closer for The King of Limbs, considering the largely relaxed, ambient nature of the album.

There isn’t honestly that much to divulge about Separator that you wouldn’t have guessed from the album that precedes it. It’s got looping tracks, layered vocals, and this one really satisfying electronic note that hits every couple seconds that I quite like. About halfway through, a patently lovely guitar line comes in, one of the few I can definitively think of that are relatively downtempo but that I could still describe as “bright”. With all the stuff going on at once, the song does end up a bit of a mess at times, as these different elements that have been present in different pieces of the song blend together for a bit of an echoey jumble, but it does resolve itself before long. After that, the song and album’s final minute or so is surprisingly simple, with the track effectively picking the handful of lines it wants to hang on to, one of the vocal tracks and one of the ambient effects and one of the percussion lines, and lets them run their course, the album ending on an echo of the track that once was.

That completes The King of Limbs, an album named after a tree in England, by the way. It always bugs me when I see this one near the bottom of people’s tier lists, because it really just doesn’t miss. It’s the product of a band that’s been working and experimenting for two decades, and it really shows the fruits of that labour. It’s quite the band that can put out something like Bloom immediately after an album with tracks like Bodysnatchers and Jigsaw Falling Into Place, and have both work.

The King of Limbs was the last album that came out before I got into Radiohead, so naturally, I basically didn’t listen to it for several years. I kinda went piece by piece into their discography, and I hadn’t had it as heavily recommended to me as others. But it easily stands just as tall as those other albums, even if it’s technically a little shorter.

For the record, I haven’t decided if I’m going to cover TKOL RMX 1234567 yet. It is listed next to all the rest of them on any collection of their albums, and it’s a perfectly respectable piece of Radiohead canon, and I did want to cover all the non-main-album stuff at some point. On the other hand, it is just a remix album, I’ve kinda been going through the main stuff chronologically, and also I’ve never listened to it.

So basically, we’ll see! And you’ll see, next week, whether we go straight to A Moon Shaped Pool or deviate a bit for some capitalised numerical action.

#ramble #music #radiohead #the king of limbs

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heistmaster69 · 4 years

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pariet lilium (3)

pariet lilium by @heistmaster69 chapter 3

I cannot believe all the love this is getting! also, let me know I anything is confusing because I do not have beta readers, and my brain gets a Lil scrambly sometimes but ily all-mwah!

tw: self loathing and jealousy. too much pining that’s just ignored on both ends. overuse of italics. BLOOD FROM AN INJURY AT THE END.

chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 4

After what had happened, Draco and Frankie couldn’t sleep, so they sat in a plush nook lined with green pillows and velvet blankets in the Common room, lit by the silver moonlight. Frankie laid her head in his lap as they spoke.

“In there,” Draco began. “You said you had been studying this for years. What exactly?”

“You remember Kendra?” She began.

“She was your tutor, right? Hired by-”

“Don’t say their names, please.” She interrupted, gripping his forearm

“Your parents?” His eyes widened. “May I ask why?”

“They were crap parents” Frankie paused. “They don’t deserve it.” She said with a chuckle. “Anyway, Kendra taught me about spell creating when I was about six, and I still think it’s the coolest thing in the world.”

“You wanted to reverse the Killing Curse.”

“All three. Plus the Memory Charm.”

“Wow.” Draco began running his fingers through Frankie’s hair, fiddling with the dark strands. “You think it’s possible?”

“I know it is. I figured it out this year. I just don’t know how to actualize the spell just yet.”

“You are amazing, Chess.” He whispered.

“I know.” She giggled. Realizing the position they was in, Frankie felt her face get hot. She cleared her throat and sat up. “So, Malfoy. Call me crazy, but I’ve seen how you look at Cher. How’s that going?” It hurt to ask, but Frankie saw how he looked at her. She knew.

“What do you mean?” Draco scoffed. She could see his walls slam back up in an instant.

“Malfoy. Come on. You like her!” Frankie lightly punched his arm.

“Psh. No.”

“Malfoy...”

“No!” He snapped. “I don’t like her, Chess, c’mon.”

“Wow, sorry.” She sighed. “But you have been awfully chipper recently. Haven’t seen you bothering perfect Granger in weeks.”

“You really hate her, don’t you.”

“I wouldn’t say hate, exactly. Just a strong dislike. She just has to be so perfect all the time and she gets all the credit when Cher and I are above her in classes.” Frankie cleared her throat before continuing. “You are too! Like, she’s smart and all, but it just bothers me how pretty and perfect she is. All while friends with Wonder Boy Potter. She got hot last summer and now everyone is drooling over her. Blaise even is! It’s just frustrating how someone can be so much better than you in almost every way.”

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of Granger.” He rolled his eyes.

“Dr-Malfoy. You’ve seen her. How could I not be?”

“Shut up. You’re fishing for compliments.” He shoved her shoulder.

“Okay, no? Telling the truth is not fishing for compliments. I swear if I didn’t hate her so much I’d be in love with her.” They shared a laugh a laugh before Draco said;

“You shouldn’t be jealous-”

“Okay I’m gonna stop you right there.” Frankie tutted. “I really don’t want to hear it.”

He tipped his head, a confused look in his gray eyes.

“I-nothing.” She scrambled out of the nook, dying to escape from what she knew would be an interrogation. “Goodnight, Malfoy.”

“You’re not getting away that easy.” He spun her around, placing both hands on her shoulders.

She quickly maneuvered out of his grasp. “Don’t make me say it.” She whispered, unable to meet his gaze. “Please.”

“But why? I’d never judge you, you’re my best friend. And I tell you all my secrets, I told you the time I got a boner from-” Frankie interrupted just rambling with a laugh. She tried to lighten up the atmosphere with a joke;

“We don’t need to hear the boner story again. And fine. I’ll tell you if you promise not to be weird about it.”

“There’s nothing to be weird about.” Oh, Draco.

“Okay.” Frankie took a few steps away. A smirk growing on her face. “Just kidding!” She sprinted towards the dorms, giggling.

“Hey!” He chuckled quietly to himself, watching her as she went away. “Good night, Chess.”

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. ohmygodohmygod.

She had almost said it. She had almost told him.

I like it too much when you tell me I’m beautiful.

I like you too much.

The students shuffled along the stone path towards Hagrid’s Hut. The sun was high in the sky, yet the air had a chill regardless. Trelawney had spouted off some random omen that Wonder Boy was in danger, but honestly, when is he not?

Draco always had to pull something. His stupid dementor jokes on Harry, albeit funny, were a little mean. She had to stifle her laughs.

Merlin, that smirk. It would raise hell one day. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him as he challenged Harry. When did he get so attractive? The way he sauntered up to Harry with that stupid grin on his face made her heartbeat quicken. She had to look away.

The forest was beautiful. Frankie couldn’t help herself from just staring at the way the sun shone through the treetops, gorgeous golden rays illuminating her freckled face

“Everyone gather round the fence here. That’s right. Make sure you can see.” Hagrid shouted, a sheen of sweat on his forehead. The group of students shuffled around the paddock. “Now, first thing you’ll want to do is open yer’ books.”

“How?” Draco sneered while Crabbe and Goyle laughed. They laugh at everything he says, those goons. They can be sweet when they’re on their own, though. Goyle can make a mean chocolate chip cookie.

“Aye?” Hagrid grunted.

“How do we open our books.” Malfoy drawled, a firm scowl in his face.

How can this boy constantly pull 180s? Doesn’t he get tired?

“Hasn’t anyone been able to open their books?” Hagrid asked nervously. “You’ve got to stroke ‘em!”

A few students let out an Oh, but Frankie just sighed. “Oh how silly we’ve all been. We should’ve stroked them.” Draco scoffed.

How were they supposed to know? One thing caught her eye. Draco Malfoy took out two of his fingers, adorned with his family ring, and slowly stroked the spine of his Monster Book Of Monsters. Now that was a sight to see. Hagrid mumbles something to Granger that Frankie couldn’t hear, but Draco did.

“Oh tremendously funny. Really witty giving us books that try and rip our hands off.” Draco said.

“Shut up Malfoy.” Wonder Boy Potter here to save the day.

“He does have a point, though. Sorry Hagrid, the book went straight for my throat when I tried to read it. Malfoy here might’ve saved my life.”

“I thought you were better than that, Reed. You can shut your arse up too.” Potter glared at Frankie, making her shrink behind Draco.

“Don’t talk to her like that.” Draco

“Whatever, just keep you and your girlfriend’s noses out of my buisnees.” Girlfriend.

“She’s not-”

“He’s not-”

They looked at each other with flushed faces. Hagrid went to fetch the magical creatures, leaving an uncomfortably hostile tone around the students.

“God this place is going to the dogs.” Draco laughed. “That oaf teaching classes. My father will have a fit when he hears about this.”

“Shut up, Malfoy.” Harry reiterated.

“Careful, Potter, there’s a dementor behind you!” Lavender shouted. Normally, Frankie wouldn’t have joined in. But Perfect Granger was looking at her like she was scum. So Frankie pulled up her hood like the rest of them, echoing a chorus of ooohs.

Hagrid came jogging in with two beautiful beasts on a sort of leash, their silver and bronze feathers glowing in the sun.

“Hippogriffs.” Frankie said, admiring them and remembering Kendra’s lesson on magical creatures.

“That there’s right, Miss Reed! Beautiful aren’t they. These here are Hippogriffs. This one is Storm.” He gestured to the bronze feathered creature. “And this one’s Buckbeak.” Hagrid began telling the class a few facts about them, she didn’t even realize that the rest of the class had taken a few steps back. Hagrid called everyone to come closer, but no one really did, except for Harry’s trio and Frankie. She already knew what to do, so she began the slow process, starting with a low bow. Storm wasn’t paying attention at first, so Frankie whispered a small incantation she used to get stray cats to trust her.

“Scio et observare.” The copper colored hippogriff began a slow trot towards her. Frankie made sure to keep her gaze fixed on the ground. When Storm was a mere two feet away, Hagrid turned his gaze from the class to Frankie.

“Wow! You’ve got a way with ‘er.” He chuckled. “Now you can pet her.”

She reached a tentative hand up to Storm’s beak and gave a few gentle pets, Harry next to her doing the same with Buckbeak. Frankie began to circle Storm, scratching her feathers and smiling so hard her face hurt. All of a sudden Hagrid grabbed her by the shoulders and lifted Frankie onto Storm’s back.

“What-?”

“You two are gonna ride ‘em.” He did the same to Harry and the two soared into the distance.

Flying with a Hippogriff was unlike anything she’d ever done.

When the two touched down, the classes clapped, all but a few annoyed Gryffindors and Slytherins.

“Harry! Reed!” Hagrid snapped her out of her daze. “Amazin’!”

“Hey.” Potter whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Frankie shrugged. “The book did try to attack me.”

He chuckled. “Malfoy really saved you?” Frankie nodded. “Guess he’s nice to girls he fancies.”

“He does not fancy me, Potter. Get your head on right.”

“I’ll help speed things up.” He pulled Frankie into a tight hug, arms wrapped swift around her waist. “Just go with it.” Frankie obliged, curious to see Draco’s reaction. She put her arms gently around Potter’s neck and leaned into the embrace.

Just as Potter said, Draco stormed towards the two. “This must be easy if Potter could do it. You aren’t dangerous at all, are you? You great ugly brute.”

“Draco stop, stop!” He didn’t stop, obviously envious of Harry’s success, not the embrace. Frankie ran out in front of Storm, who had gotten on her hind legs in anger or fear. It happened in a flash of sharp, stinging pain. Storm had slashed her talons across Frankie’s back, leaving a sizable gash in her clothing and skin, blood beginning to seep through her clothing and onto the grassy floor.

Storm was upset by this. Not wanting to have hurt the girl who had been so kind to her, but was afraid of the boy who shouted. Storm nudged Frankie’s side with sorrow, just bringing forth a strangled cry of pain from Frankie’s throat.

“Chess, Merlin, I’m so sorry!” Draco cried. “Hagrid, please, I’m so sorry, she needs to go to the hospital wing!”

A/N: ON THAT ROAD TRIP GRIND pumping out some content! let me know what you think!

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mlqcconfessions · 4 years

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Hi I absolutely love your headcanons. I have epilepsy and these can take many forms for me (full on seizures, absence seizures (looks like I've zoned out) and muscle spasms where I drop things and break them (I will cry cause I feel like my body is betraying me). I have anxiety and although I'm 4 years seizure free I always have a fear of 'what if today is the day' and having to remember to take my meds everyday. Can I have a HC of the boys taking care of MC with epilepsy and how they help her.

Although I’m not too familiar with the technical side of epilepsy, I did have a close high school friend who would occasionally get seizures during classes. I did a little research on my own time! Hope you enjoy it!

MLQC Headcanon - The closest one to you

Victor

You weren’t afraid to tell him about you having epilepsy (he didn’t want you to hide anything from him, anyways)

He wants you to describe everything to him (if you feel any pain, what medications you take, what he could do to help, etc)

He hires a professional to be your temporary carer

He didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t the one closest to you anymore

But with the way he is now, he won’t be that helpful to you

And he KNOWS that (that’s what makes it so frustrating)

He spends his free time between work to study up on epilepsy (and how to be a carer)

You’re worried that he’s dedicating so much of his precious time (and you know just how Victor feels about time)

“Have you forgotten who I am?” (he’s so cheeky sometimes)

He finishes clearing documents at a demonic speed (Goldman reiterates, I TOLD you he was an alien)

In the meantime, he does the simple tasks (ones that don’t require extensive knowledge)

He is ON YOU when you’re taking medications (Time is literally of the essence, MC)

He has a chart by his office desk with your details (so he knows what time, how many, how often you need to take the pills)

Because he can’t always be with you, he orders the professional carer to be by your side at all times (but makes him maintain a private distance that won’t make the CEO husband angry)

You haven’t had seizures for quite a while, but it’s always on the back of your mind

Victor knows that you’re worried about this (it makes him upset that there’s nothing he can do about it)

Although he can’t prevent future seizure from happening, he does his best to reassure you that he WILL be by your side to take care of you

“I don’t believe you, Victor” (this is your chance to make him BEG)

He doesn’t say anything for while, but picks up his phone to call someone

You can faintly hear the voice on the other side of the line

“Goldman, gather up all the employees in the building and have them meet at the main lobby” (....sorry sir, but can I ask just why...?)

“Victor, what are you—”

“Well, my wife here doesn’t believe me when I say I’m going to be by her side always” (....and....you want me to gather everyone because.....)

“Because if I actively proclaim my love to her in front of a crowd, she’ll trust my words” (he’s looking at you, smirking)

“Victor, you wouldn’t!”

“Try me”

The line hangs up (Goldman doesn’t get paid enough for this)

Kiro

He’s heard of it, but knows NOTHING about it (except a little about the seizures)

He’s scared when you talk about your past experiences

“And are you okay now?” (he has these puppy dog eyes)

“Well, I haven’t had these seizures for quite some time now” (omg you just want to hug him and kiss him all over)

Savin notices Kiro reading a lot more during schedules

Wait. Kiro. READING?????

Yes.

Sunshine boy is trying so hard to understand what epilepsy is

So he bookmarked all these articles online to read on his spare time

But God help him, he doesn’t comprehend what these words mean

He figured it was easier to just talk to a professional about it

Later in the week, he wants you to come over to his house on his day off

When you go inside, his entire house has been fortified

No more sharp edges, no more hard floors, security alarms set in every room?

“Ta-dah!” (Kiro proudly shows off his new home)

“Kiro...what....what’s all this for?”

“I think your apartment is too dangerous for you to stay by yourself” (he ushers you to sit down)

“It would be fine if I can regularly go to your house, but Savin said that’s too risky” (and risky it WAS, with all the fans following his every move)

“So I decided the best option was to bring you to MY home!”

Although it’s a little sudden, you can tell that he’s genuinely worried for you

“Haha...thank you, Kiro” (you get up to hug him)

“You’re welcome, MC” (he squeezes you even tighter)

“You’re free to use this house as you please. You can even change the interior here!” (No, that’s okay Kiro)

“When I can’t stay here during work, I’ll send my stylists over to check up on you” (he smooths your hair down)

“But don’t get too along with them! I’m going to get jealous!” (he puffs his cheeks out what the heck, that’s adorable)

You reach out to kiss his nose

“Don’t worry, you’re the only one I can get this intimate with”

He immediately picks you up, and you’re dangling over his shoulders

“Well, I don’t think that’s intimate enough” (sunshine? More like sun-KISSED)

Lucien

If there’s anyone more familiar with how epilepsy works, it’s Dr. Lu Lu

He knows more than you?

He doesn’t think it’s necessary to hire a professional carer (he’s the best carer, wdym)

He’s prepared to the fullest

You tell him that it’s been a while since your last seizure

“We can never be too sure, MC”

Although you haven’t moved into the same house yet, he frequently drops by your apartment (he doesn’t leave until the next day)

During lectures he always looks back at you (to make sure you’re doing fine)

AFTER lectures he makes sure your........physical form is in top condition (SFW if you know what I mean)

He worries that you’re overwhelmed with work sometimes

Offers to lessen your load by helping you edit videos

He’s actually good at making videos? (Youtuber in the making?)

You sometimes ask him to brew tea for you (it helps you relax)

He has a designated cup in his house just for you (when you’re not there, he places it in the display case)

You’re not actually interested in drinking tea

You just like how elegant he looks when he’s brewing

The soft smell of chamomile and lavender in his room is so calming

You fall asleep on his couch while he’s gathering some materials in another room

He’s slightly startled when he doesn’t hear your voice anymore (he quickly sets his papers down and crouches next to you)

Your cute snores make him laugh (he records it for future reference)

When you wake up, you’re back in your bed

“Lucien?”

He peers inside the door, pushes up his GLASSES, (yes I am a Glasses Lucien freak) and smiles at you

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t plan on dozing off like that”

“No worries, I was able to keep myself entertained”

“Oh? What were you looking at?” (you step out to the living room, finding a stack of albums on the table)

???

“You were adorable in this zebra onesie” (LUCIEN PLEASE)

Gavin

He’s dealt with plenty of rogue evolvers during his missions

Most of them had seizures while their evols were going out of control

How different could it be? (Birdcop has never been more wrong in his life)

He’s so taken back when you explain epilepsy to him

The way you describe it makes it sound so terrifying?

He listens inventively to the first aid procedures

He follows through pretty smoothly, actually (damn right, he’s Agent B-7)

You notice that he’s a LOT more attentive towards you

He was always like that before, but it’s to a greater extent now

If you’re quiet for a minute, he starts to panic

“It’s okay, Gavin! I’m okay” (you have to stop him from busting down the bathroom door)

He doesn’t like it when he has to leave you to go on missions (especially ones where he doesn’t know when he’ll get back)

He assigns Minor and/or Eli as your bodyguard (for all locations EXCEPT your apartment)

Anna is responsible for watching over you when you’re home

He calls/texts you so often (it’s like he never left)

His mind is elsewhere during work (but he never fails the missions, because he’s AGENT BIRDCOP-7)

Something you don’t know is that Eli and Minor are required to send photos of you once in a while (something about him being unable to trust their words)

WORST. PEOPLE. TO. ASSIGN. THIS. TO.

Eli takes photos with himself in it (and the focus is not even on you)

Minor always takes them while you’re moving (he only manages to capture your afterimage)

Anna to the rescue, honestly (that’s an entire photoshoot)

The first thing he does after returning is checking to make sure you’re okay (he hugs you after his checkup is done)

“........Gavin, what are these gashes on your arm?”

“....so......what do you want for dinner tonight?”

I don’t know why, but I always make Lucien’s headcanons somewhat nsfw

I can’t help it, he just does that to me

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studylustre · 4 years

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hey bb!! you're kinda a queen on here for giving advice so I hope you don't mind me seeking your advice.... at the moment I've been feeling really lost, I'm way behind on my peers this age in almost every aspect of life,, a reason for this is that my mental health is really bad and I lost my teen years to depression. Therefore now I can't even seem to be making friends or hold a normal conversation with adults due to my social anxiety. I used to be intelligent but I think now I'm just stupid ~~~

~~~ my dad keeps telling me how much I suck compared to everyone else, not every day but often enough that I know I'm definitely not fulfilling his expectations and I feel like I'm never going to be able to catch up on that. I've spent a lot of time on my own, I still do and I don't know how to change that, how to build my own life so I'm not dependent on my parents anymore and can move out after I've finished high school. I just would love to know your opinion on that. Please don't judge me too harshly skskshvff :')) I just would love to know how to build your own life apart from your own family, how one can be able to live with their own thoughts without getting depressed hehe,, idk I guess I carry a lot of guilt with me and I've never been able to overcome it and that's why I'm stuck not being able to move forward. Thank youu if you've read this!! I apologise that this is so unnecessary long, I'd be really grateful for some advice!! I'm a new anon btw,, :) sending u love🥺✨🌈

hi angel!! i don’t mind at all, thank u for stopping by and opening up to me about this bc it’s definitely not easy to talk to people about ur inner thoughts!! there’s quite a lot to discuss here so apologies if my response is all over the place. i first want to address what u said about feeling behind ur peers - i don’t want to dismiss ur concerns bc ur feelings are always valid and this is a v v v common feeling so ur definitely not alone in thinking this, but it’s honestly okay. this is something that took me a while to start internalising (still working on it) but there really are no rules in life!! there’s no set timeframe for you to have to achieve anything by. everyone’s path is different - we all have different dreams and goals and resources and so we all experience things at differently and at different times. life is not a competition and u don’t have to compare urself to ur peers!! also, don’t forget that even the people who u think are thriving and living their best lives have struggles of their own too. like i said, we all have our own journeys. what u see of other people’s is just a highlight reel - u never know what struggles they’re facing behind the scenes bc i can assure u, we all are going through something. none of us are just floating along life absolutely carefree!! there’s obstacles for us all and they manifest in different ways for all of us so do!! not!! compare!! urself!! to!! others!!

secondly, i’m sorry to hear that about ur dad. that’s an awful thing to hear from a parent. i know this doesn’t make up for it but i just wanted to tell u, if u haven’t heard this from anyone else, u are doing great. u may not be where u want to be right now (which is completely ok!! u have SO much time ahead of u to get to where u want to be) but u are trying, u are doing ur best and u are still here which means u are doing great. look at u, here, despite it all!! u have made it all this way and ur going to make so much more progress. i know it’s easier said than done but please try ur best to ignore the naysayers. all that matters is that u are living up to ur own standards - forget what ur dad expects of u, because ur life is ur own to live and u don’t exist to please him. also, i just wanted to reiterate ur point about ur dad having super high expectations and u feeling like u can’t keep up with them. that’s a rough realisation, but i think it’s also a v important one to acknowledge because it’s one that can set u free. if u know his expectations of u are a) unrealistic and b) too harsh, then don’t feel obligated to try and match up to them. in situations such as these, i find it’s often the case that no matter what u do, it will never be enough bc they will always find something to nitpick on. u can achieve incredible things and do everything to perfection and they will still find something to complain about and be disappointed in u for. this may or may not be the case for u, but if it is, i hope u can one day walk away from these expectations and live ur life freely the way u want without feeling like u have to measure up to any outsider’s expectations for u.

thirdly, u are not stupid!! u have so much to offer simply just by being u. i feel like u maybe think ur best days are behind u but that is far from the case. ur best days are still waiting for u!! u have so much to look forward to and so much to experience and to achieve. it’s okay to be confused and lost when trying to figure out this mess we call life. we’re all confused here bb!! none of us know exactly what we’re doing but we’re all faking it til we make it. think about it from the perspective of ur younger self - idk if this is the case for u but when i was young, i thought people who were 18 were Proper Adults. i’m now 22 and i still feel like i’m fumbling my way through life and i definitely don’t feel anything close to being an adult, but hey!! that’s okay. the important thing is that u try. even if u trip up, it doesn’t matter bc failure is inevitable in life and we all go through it. what matters is how u carry urself through these experiences and how u deal with it. it’s okay if u don’t know which direction u want to go in, or if ur not sure it’s the right path for u. just give it a go and try. u can only find out what’s good for u through actually trying. if it doesn’t work out, then whelp, at least now u know for sure that’s something that’s not for u!! onto the next experience. and the next. and the next. until u eventually find something that clicks for u. at that point, u can look back with all ur wisdom from ur experiences and know that every single trial u faced and overcame has made u a stronger, wiser and better person. we love character development!!

u mentioned that u live with a lot of guilt and u haven’t been able to move forward bc of that. would therapy be an option that u would be open to? otherwise, would u be open to trying to face some of that urself through journalling or something like that? i’m far from a qualified mental health professional so i don’t want to give u too much advice in this area bc i’m not qualified to do so, but as an anxious person and chronic overthinker, i really find that journalling helps for me to work through my thoughts. u might not be able to find all ur answers through journalling (i think that’s something that just comes through time and also potentially having a professional to walk u through it so u can untangle everything) but it does help u to get stuff off ur chest and to help u realise what’s bothering u, which is a step in the right direction. also, this may sound weird, but i hear that saying ur thoughts (the ones that cause u to spiral and feel bad/anxious) aloud to urself or to a friend helps a lot!! sometimes u don’t realise how irrational things are in ur head until u say it out loud and really hear it, or have a friend to talk u down from it.

i hope this helps!! i know this is superrrrr long and ramble-y but i hope it gave u some semblance of comfort. know that ur not alone in any of ur struggles and that there are better days waiting ahead for u!!

#answered #anon

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