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missmentelle · 3 years

Note

What is reactive abuse?

“Reactive abuse” occurs when the victim of abuse lashes out at their abuser - by striking back at them, screaming, swearing at them, insulting them or even throwing something at them - in response to the abuse that they are experiencing. This is actually an extremely common behaviour in domestic violence victims, and it’s one of the most important tools an abuser has for convincing other people that the victim is the real abuser in the relationship, and that the abuser is actually the one being abused.

Consider these scenarios:

Scenario 1: Sam is abusive to his partner, Erin. He constantly criticizes and belittles her, although he never raises his voice and always does so in a calm, matter-of-fact way. He tells her that her clothes are too revealing for her, and that she should go put on some baggy clothes until she’s lost some weight. He comments on everything she eats and asks if she “really needs” to be eating it. He compares her to his friends’ wives and asks why she can’t look like them. He talks down to her like she’s stupid, and criticizes her cooking, her cleaning, her spending, and her appearance. After weeks of relentless criticism, Erin snaps - she screams at Sam to fuck off and leave her alone, and locks herself in her room.

Scenario 2: John is abusive to his partner, Raj. John likes to physically intimidate Raj by looming over him, backing him into corners, standing in doorways to prevent him from leaving, and punching holes in walls and smashing things when he gets angry. One day, during an argument, John grabs Raj by the arm and starts screaming in his face. Raj tells John to let go of him, but John ignores him and instructs Raj to “look at me when I’m talking to you”. Desperate to get away, Raj shoves John in the chest as hard as he can, and John falls backwards.

In these scenarios, Erin and Raj are the ones lashing out... but they are also the victims in these situations, and not the perpetrators. These are examples of reactive abuse; they are lashing out because they are under extreme stress from being constantly abused, not because they are abusive themselves. If they were in a non-abusive relationship, they wouldn’t scream or shove their partners - it’s the abuse itself that is driving them to behave that way.

Once a victim begins to display reactive abuse, the abuser will almost always use it against them. The abuser will constantly bring up the reactive abuse, presenting it as evidence that the victim is unstable and irrational, and that they themselves are actually the victim of their partner’s totally unpredictable behaviours and moods. Sam, for instance, can use Erin’s outburst as “proof” that she’s the abusive one in the relationship - when he talks about the incident, he can say “I was just trying to have a calm, rational conversation with her and she started screaming at me out of the blue. I tried to calm her down but she just wouldn’t listen - she told me to fuck off and then locked me out of our bedroom for hours. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her, anything can set her off”.

Bringing up reactive abuse is a way for the abuser to win the sympathy of friends and family, turn people against the victim, and leave the victim even more isolated. They can even convince professionals that the victim is the abusive one, and use that as a weapon against the victim - if Sam goes to a therapist and gives a biased account of Erin’s “totally irrational” screaming fit, it’s very likely that the therapist will take his side and tell him what he wants to hear. Then he can truthfully come home and tell Erin that his therapist thinks she’s toxic and abusive, and that Sam shouldn’t have to put up with her.

Eventually, constantly being told that you’re the abusive one - with several real-life examples listed as evidence - will probably start to convince you that you really are the abusive one in the relationship, even if you are genuinely the victim. Raj, for instance, has now actually hit his partner - that’s a line that John has never crossed, even through John is the physically abusive partner and Raj is the victim. It’s going to be very easy for John to use that against Raj, and convince Raj that he’s the real abuser, especially since Raj’s self-esteem is probably already poor from being in an abusive relationship. Once Raj starts to believe that maybe he really is the abusive one after all, it’s going to be much easier for John to control him, and it’ll be much harder for him to escape the relationship - he’ll no longer feel like he “deserves” or qualifies for help from domestic violence agencies, he’ll be inclined to blame himself for the issues in the relationship, and he may even start to feel like he should be grateful to John for staying with him and “trying to help him”.

Some other important things to know about reactive abuse:

Reactive abuse is NOT mutual abuse. “Mutual abuse” is the term for a relationship where both people are abusers going into it, and both people abuse each other equally and are equally to blame for the abuse in the relationship. That’s not what this is. For one thing, mutual abuse is extremely rare, to the point that experts aren’t totally convinced that it exists - abuse requires a power dynamic where one person tries to assume control over the other, and that power dynamic just doesn’t work both ways. A person who commits reactive abuse is not an abuser - they are a person under extreme stress, and they stop reacting that way as soon as they are out of the abusive relationship. A genuine abuser shows the same pattern of abusive behaviour in all of their relationships, over and over again.

Almost everyone will commit reactive abuse in certain circumstances. If you kick a dog enough times, the dog will eventually bite you. Some will bite you quicker, some will take longer to bite you, but they will all bite you at some point. Being under extreme stress changes a person - when you live with that kind of abuse day in and day out, the strain of it will eventually start to affect you in profound ways, and cause you to lash out and doing things you would never do otherwise. There’s nothing you can really do to cope with that kind of abuse in a healthy way while it’s still happening- the only way to recover is to leave. Many survivors of domestic abuse say that they barely recognized themselves near the end of the relationship, and did not know the person that they became after years of enduring abuse.

People who have committed reactive abuse are not abusers. A person who has committed reactive abuse under extreme circumstances is not a danger to their future partners. Again, pretty much everyone will commit reactive abuse if they are pushed to the brink by months or years of relentless abuse - when someone is no longer being subjected to that abuse, they no longer have a reason to lash out. The fact that you’ll throw a punch while you’re being attacked by a coyote does not mean that you are likely to go home and punch your pets; the fact that you will commit violence in one very extreme and dangerous circumstance does not mean that you will commit violence in normal circumstances.

Reactive abuse is one of the reasons why regular therapy is not recommended for abusers. When abusers learn more about abuse and boundaries in regular therapy, they don’t recognize their own abusive tendencies - they just get better at accusing their victims of being the real abusers. They are uniquely skilled at weaponizing therapy and therapy language to convince the people around them that their partner is irrational and that they, the abuser, are actually the long-suffering victim. An abuser who is actually serious about getting help needs to do so from a specialized abuser program - they need a professional who is knowledgeable about reactive abuse and will say “hmmmm, but what were you saying to Erin BEFORE she yelled at you? I don’t think you’re the victim here.”

As always, if you suspect that you may be in an abusive relationship, it’s important to seek help - there is help available to you, even in the midst of a pandemic. Call your local domestic violence hotline, contact a local domestic violence agency, or call 211 in Canada or the USA to learn about local options in your area. Hope this answers your question! MM

#AnsweredByMM #anxious-american

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unkownknowledge · 3 years

Text

This post is a sort of collaboration with @golden-wingseos who is kindly letting me use their toxic traits post as a base for writing some Fluff! Check 'em out! Hope you enjoy.

Warnings: Albedo might be a OOC. This is my first attempt at more serious writing. And of course you should always remember that problems in a relationship might need more than a short talk.

Edit: request are open, if anyone reading this likes it feel free to request. Rules are pinned.

Now onto my post:

_____________________

Albedo: your heart is real

_____________________________

-you knew Albedo's secret, you knew his feelings, you knew enough to know he didn't want to love you.

-yet he did.

-you also believed he shouldn't be chained to someone else's wishes, especially when it wouldn't bring him happiness.

You were sitting in Albedo's lap, your head on his shoulder as you gently played with his hair.

"I'm going to destroy monstadt you know," he said, like he always does in an attempt to push you away, "that includes the people"

"Then I'll just stop you." You reply calmly.

"Then I'll have to kill you."

"So then you won't destroy monstadt."

Albedo was confused, you usually told him you would stop him but you've never said he wouldn't do it to begin with.

Albedo grabbed your shoulders and made you look at him, "what does that mean? Why wouldn't I destroy monstadt?"

"Because you would have to kill me." You said smiling.

'That damn smile' he thought, "why would I not destroy monstadt, not fulfill my master's wish, just because you would need to die?"

"Because you love me."

Albedo pushed you off and got on top of you, holding a knife to your throat, "would someone who loved you so this?"

"Yes" you never stopped smiling at him.

"Exa-wait what?" Albedo was dumbfounded, not comprehending what you meant.

"You're trying to push me away," you grabbed his shaking hands and pushed them down, causing him to release the knife, "because you don't want to feel any remorse, because you don't want to hurt me."

"Who says-"

"And I know you don't want to destroy monstadt," you grabbed his head and brought him closer, "because you love it there."

"I'm not real, I'm just a tool my master made to carry out their dreams. Stop treating me like a person."

"But you are a person, and as a person you can choose what you want."

"Well I want monstadt destroyed!"

"Even if that meant killing me?"

Albedo was shocked, he never felt conflicted before. Not in following his master's wishes, but now? At your words? He doubted every desire he's had.

You placed his hand on his heart, "feel that?"

"That's my heart..."

"So your heart is real. Now tell me, what does a tool need with a heart?"

Albedo didn't answer.

"Your master might want to destroy monstadt, but who says they want you to? Why give a weapon a heart?"

You didn't give Albedo time to respond before you kissed him.

"Your heart is real. Just like your love for me."

Albedo sat up and pulled you back into his lap, "you're an anomaly you know that? No one else can make me feel this way." He looked into your eyes and put his hands on your cheeks, "I guess I can hold off on destroying monstadt, atleast until I conclude my research on you."

"Well, let's start experimenting."

_____________________________

Hope that didn't suck.

_____________________________

Diluc: you'll get hurt if you love me

_____________________________

-Diluc has been avoiding you for a month now, he hasn't even gone out to do his darkknight hero duties.

-he's just locked himself away in his manor, ordering his servants to not let you in.

-Diluc, however, forgets that you met because you tried stealing from his house.

You were fed up with Diluc, he kept pushing you away and now he has CROSSED THE LINE! You're going to break into his room and make him explain why he's been avoiding you, it's been a year since you and him went on a date and now this? Something is seriously wrong.

You climbed up to the window sill and lock picked your way in, you walked over to Diluc's bed and sat down, waiting for him to return.

Diluc entered the door and, without looking, fell on his bed right next to you.

"You look tired, almost like you took the long way home just to avoid the route I take."

Diluc shot up and looked at you in shock.

You crossed you arms over your chest, "I want an explanation."

"(Y/n) what do you m-"

"You know full well! And don't call me (y/n)! You always call me 'dearest' or 'honey's, in fact you do a lot of things you seem to have forgotten about, like dinners, and tea times, and DATES!"

"Please I-"

"No! No running away, no excuses!" You grabbed his shoulders and turned him to you, "why the hell are you avoiding me!?"

Diluc looked up and saw you were crying. This isn't what he wanted, this is the opposite of what he wanted!

Diluc looked away, unable to face you, "Because I want you to hate me."

Your eyes widened, "w-what?"

"I want you to leave me, in a way that won't make you sad to leave me."

"Why!?"

"BECAUSE YOU'LL GET HURT IF YOU LOVE ME!"

You jumped at him and held him close, and yourself closer, "idiot."

"What?"

"I said," you managed between sobs, "your an idiot, Diluc. I knew full well what I was doing when I fell in love with you, and I did it anyway. What-what gi-gives you the right t-to abandon me now?"

Diluc was shocked to say the least, he didn't know what to say.

"I know how dangerous being near you is, how many enemies you have, how likely I am to die, but Diluc," you look up at him with tear stained eyes, "I won't be able to live another day, not without you in it."

Diluc pulled you onto his lap and held you, enveloping as much as he could.

"(Y/n)- honey, I'm sorry," he cried in your hair, "I'm so sorry, so very very sorry. I just wanted to protect you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you got hurt because of me."

"But you did hurt me, you hurt my heart."

"I know.. but please," he tilted you head so your eyes would meet his, "let me heal it."

_____________________________

Kaeya: no more secrets

_____________________________

I wrote this perfectly but the draft didn't save. If it's bad blame my rage.

_____________________________

Another day without you.

Another day spent drinking.

Kaeya remembered that day clearly, more clearly than he wanted.

Kaeya was happily walking home to you.

He was always happy on the way home, but he was happiest when he saw your smile. Lately though you've been acting strangely, he was going to talk to you about it today.

"Honey I'm home-" he stopped, it was quiet.

You were never quiet.

He decided you were just out, so he waited.

And waited.

And wait-

"Where are you?"

Kaeya reached for his drink, but he couldn't find it.

"Eh Dilc, wers meh ferkin dernk!?"

Diluc sighed, "sober up."

Kaeya slammed his hands on the bar and grabbed Diluc by the collar, "WAH SHELD AH BEH SURBER!? WAHTS DA FEKEN PEINT IB TAY AIN ERE WID MEH!?"

Kaeya fell backwards and cried, "wad tay lev meh Dilc?"

Diluc sighed and walked around the bar to his brother, "sober up," he picked Kaeya up, "and I'll tell you."

Diluc carried Kaeya to the winery.

Next day

Kaeya woke up with a scream, "(Y/N) WAIT!"

He looked around and saw he was in an unfamiliar bedroom.

Diluc walked in with water and breakfast, "are you sober?"

Kaeya held his head, "I wish I wasn't."

"Well you'll want to be," Diluc set his brother's breakfast down on the nightstand, "I'm going to tell you how to get (y/n) back."

Kaeya jumped at his brother, knocking them both to the ground as he held the red head's throat, "WHERE ARE THEY?!"

Diluc calmly pushed Kaeya off, who was weak as hell right now, "calm down, you need you to understand why they left or they'll just leave you again."

Kaeya just laid there.

"Good. Now listen because this is something it took me a long time to realize too: communication is key to a relationship."

"What?"

"Did you ever tell (y/n) anything about your work? About your dealings in the dark? About your 'off the clock projects'?"

Kaeay didn't speak.

"I thought so. Kaeya you need to talk to them about your life, if you don't you'll just drive them away."

"BUT I ALREADY DID!" Kaeya shouted as he slammed his fist on the ground.

"True, but I can bring you to them. But you have to swear you'll tell them EVERYTHING."

Kaeya nodded.

Diluc and Kaeya took a trip to Liyue, to a remote village you were living in.

"They're in here. Remember Kaeya, no secrets."

You opened the door at Kaeya's knocking, before immediate closing it.

"Go away Kaeya."

"(Y/n) please, I want to make amends."

"How? Batting your eyelashes? A kiss on the cheek? Sex? Well? What have you come up with as a substitute to trust this time?"

"No. No substitute, no lies, none of that. I'm here to tell you the truth (y/n)."

You opened the door, "no more secrets?"

"No, darling, no more secrets."

_____________________________

Childe: you give me strength

_____________________________

Childe met you when you first joined the fatui, and from the first day he was smitten. You always strived to get better, never once did your lack if vision keep you from being powerful nor keep you from getting more powerful. You were his ideal person for him.

But you didn't feel like it.

You always worried, 'what if I lost? What if I can't get stronger? What if I'm weak?' Were constant thoughts going through your head. You knew Childe was greedy for power, how he wanted nothing but power, how he would do anything for it, and as far as you were aware he cut off anything that held him back.

Even you.

You pushed yourself to far everytime you trained, to the point you were getting weaker by how little time you took to recuperate. But you never realized nor did you let anyone know out fear for what Childe would do if he saw you being so insecure in yourself.

You realized you were getting weaker and weaker, and that scared you, scared you to the point you decided to take drastic measures.

You decided you would prove how strong you are.

With Childe

Childe sighed as he wrote yet another debt collection warrant, he was tired from the month long mission he just got back from and now he had to do this. He decided he would indulge himself and pamper you when he got home, after all nothing pleased him more than seeing your constantly stern face blush and smile as he showered you in gifts and affection. And while he wasn't exactly good at reading people in an emotional sense, even he could tell you were insecure about something so he wanted to talk to you about it, maybe even introduce you to his family.

He wad actually getting lost in happy thoughts when a collector ran in, "HARBINGER! I HAVE URGENT NEWS!"

Childe glared at him, "what is it, I was thinking about my snow flower!"

"IT'S ABOUT THEM SIR!"

Childe snapped the pen between his fingers and stoop, "what happened."

"Sir they-"

"WHAT HAPPENED!"

"SIR! (Y/N) HAS GONE OFF TO TRY AND SLAY A GEO REGISVINE!"

Childe immediately bolted over his desk and sped through the bank, out of the harbor, and across the country of Liyue at speeds lost would think belonged to Baal themself.

He got to the regisvine just in time to block an attack that would have killed you.

It took him mere seconds to completely demolish it.

Childe approached your crumpled form, you could barely move and your bones were probably all broken.

"Ch-chi-lde..." you got out before blacking out from pain.

Next day

You woke up, everything below your chin was in a caste and you felt about as bad as you looked.

"Let me through!" You heard the one voice you didn't want to hear right now.

"Sir please they have to r-"

"DID I FUCKING STUTTER!"

A doctor was flung through the door and Childe charges right at you.

'This is it,' you thought, closing your eyes, 'he's going to cast me away, like I always knew-'

Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of lips against your own, and a wet feeling against your cheeks.

You opened your eyes in time to see Childe pull away from you, "what were you thinking you idiot?"

You looked at Childe, dumbfounded.

"WHY DID YOU DO SOMETHING THAT STUPID!?"

"W-what?"

"Why did you try and kill a regisvine on your own?!"

You looked away.

"WHY (Y/N)!? WHY!?"

"Because I don't want you to leave me..."

Childe recoiled at that, what did you mean you didn't want him to leave you?

"Why in the world would I want to leave you? Your my snow flower."

"Yes but..." you didn't want to say it.

"Come on, snow flower," Childe put his fingers under your chin and gently made you meet his gaze, "you can tell me anything."

"You...you only care for power...and I could tell I was only getting weaker no matter how much I tried, I was....I was afraid....afraid you would leave me...."

"(Y/n)," Childe said lovingly, yet with obvious sadness, "please, I dont want power just for power's sake.... I'm so sorry that I seemed that way to you."

"But you always seem so...dedicated to getting power..."

"Yes, but power is simply a means to an end," Childe chuckles, "I have a family, with a lot of siblings, and I care about all of them. I do so much for them, and every bit of power: be it with more, status, or pure power they are what drives me to get it. I'll admit though that it has developed into a bit of a....addiction, I guess you could call it, to battle and by extension to getting stronger. I-I didn't realize how much I let that take over-"

"No!" You shout, "no! Don't apologize for that. That's why I love you: your drive for power, your willingness to never settle, everything you do you do for power. I don't care if it's because you like battle or you like your family, because I love it. I love you. And I don't want to hold you back, and because of that I didn't want to be so weak that you had to....dispose of me..."

Childe kneeled besides you, "(y/n). You never have to worry about holding me back. Remember what you said? Even if I do, granted in a much smaller part than I originally stated, want power to protect my family, it is also very true that I want power for nothing more than to have it. But you could never hold me back from that, in fact you give me strength, (y/n)."

You chuckled, "that's so cheesey Childe."

"Well it's true, and the only thing more true is this:" Childe leans towards you, "I. Love. You."

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin kaeya x reader #diluc x reader #albedo x reader #childe x reader #sorry it took this long #and sorry if it's bad #fanfiction #genshin imagines

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ddaengyoonmin · 3 years

Text

Pairing: Single dad / childhood best friend!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: !!ANGST!!, smut.

Word count: 7.1k

Warnings:(issa dark oneee) Mentions of abuse, abusive parent, underage drinking and drug use, Jungkook is an ass, lots of descriptions of smoke and cigarettes in an unhealthy way. Mentions of vomiting. Toxic behaviors in general; Rough play; handjob; edging; Sub!Jungkook; Dom!Reader; choking; biting; overstimulation; slight mentions of blood; just all around physical and emotional pain definitely not #goals.

a/n: definitely cried a bit writing this. This story ended up becoming super important to me and something I think I’ve been holding in for a while. A lot of this story is based on my own life and personal experiences, which is why the first part is a highschool backstory. Absolutely nothing sexual happens until they are both adults, the first part of the story was just a necessary cathartic therapy moment for me to get out :_)

(Also I tried to make this a gender neutral insert, but this is my first time doing that so kindly let me know if there's anything I can do to improve on that!)

Song inspiration: Kathleen- Catfish and the Bottlemen; Rango- Catfish and the Bottlemen; Anything-Catfish and the Bottlemen

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He was completely insane. It never made you like him any less though.

When you’d first heard Jungkook was back in town you had so many different emotions running through you, you thought you’d faint at the feeling.

------

When you were still in highschool, he had been your closest friend. You spent practically every day after school with Jungkook, smoking in your car, driving around through cemeteries laughing about something funny one of your teachers had said, or the security guard who’d tried to chase you down the halls for skipping 2nd hour earlier in the day. There never seemed to be a dull moment when he was around.

When you’d first met him, insane and reckless were never words that would’ve come into your mind.

He was a grade younger than you and had seemed to fly mostly under your radar through all your highschool years. It wasn’t until the second half of your Junior year that you'd even noticed he existed.

You’d shown up to the first day of track practice the way you always had, scanning over the new freshman on the team. You’d mistaken him for a freshman and greeted him as such. He nervously and shyly corrected you that he was actually a Sophomore just searching around for something new to try out.

About half way through the practice you noticed a group of your teammates had swarmed around Jungkook and he looked to be almost in tears as he cowered under their words and faces, looking up at them all.

He was a small child, not very muscular and extremely geeky looking. You found it endearing though, and found the classmates picking on him infuriating.

You stormed across the track over to where they stood demanding to know their problem, they all were also a grade younger than you and seemed to be intimidated by you. How could they not be with the star of the track team chewing them out like they were being condemned to hell.

After they left, two big saucer eyes stared up at you, tears still slightly pooled up in his lower lid, he wiped them off with the back of his hand.

“Thank you.” He sniffled. He explained that everyone in his grade always picked on him like that. He didn’t really have any friends, and everyone seemed to think of him as the weird kid.

After that day the two of you were inseparable.

You went to the city fair together on the last day of school that year, and that was the first time it happened.

You were supposed to be at a school sanctioned celebration, you’d told your mom that's where you’d be.

But here you were sitting in your car with Jungkook before going to the fair, the two of you giggling as he messily tried to roll a joint, swearing that his older brother had taught him how.

You felt yourself bleeding guilt for lying to your parents. But, how could anything that sweet Jungkook convinced you to do be bad?

Stoned out of your mind the two of you ran hand in hand around the fair, giggling and riding your favorite rides too many times. That was the first time you realized, he was truly your best friend.

That summer had you pulling a 180 on everything you’d ever thought you were capable of.

Before you knew it, you were sneaking out of your house multiple times a week to drive around with Jungkook and smoke, listening to music and feeling free.

———

It was now the middle of summer. You were sitting in your car while Jungkook was filling up gas for you.

Two girls and a man approached Jungkook and started chatting. You found that odd, but then again, Jungkook had a habit of getting into conversations with strangers everywhere you went.

You never really noticed it til then, but at some point, he had really changed from the boy you met. He was more outgoing, he was dressing better…

A tap on your window surprised you.

“Hey y/n! These guys are throwing a party at their place, let's just park your car here and go! They said just hop in!”

You felt your jaw drop a bit as you opened your mouth to protest. But he was staring back at you so excited, so hopeful that you’ll join him. You agreed, against all better judgement and that sick feeling in your stomach that you shouldn’t be getting into a car with strangers.

Jungkook whispered in your ear as the two of you walked to your car. “I told them we were 22” He chuckled. Your heart dropped a bit, more sick feelings coming on.

“Okay.” You managed to nod and agree somehow. Jungkook excitedly opened the door to their backseat, as if he did this kind of thing all the time.

You were both lucky, the strangers were not murderers, though there was no party, just them and some beer and a hookah in a messy apartment living room.

None of it felt right, it didn’t really feel like a fun time. Jungkook though seemed to think he was at the party of the century. He chugged the beer they gave him in no time and was up messing with their stereo trying to get on some “PARTY MUSIC” he screamed out.

In no time at all that firecracker of a boy was wasted and trying to dance up on their table.

It wasn’t long before the apartment owners realized their mistake, this child was completely off the rails drunk. One of them tried to bring him down from the table and he somehow managed to kick their glass hookah entirely across the room.

There was a still silence as you all looked at the shattered glass on the ground. You had your hand clasped over your mouth looking from the glass to Jungkook.

Jungkook’s eyes were wide at you, the smile that grew on his face seemed ill fitting for the moment, as the apartment owners were obviously furious.

“Run!” Jungkook screamed out in a laugh, rushing over to you and grabbing you tightly by your wrist and pulling you out the front door.

Then the two of you ran, you just kept running down the street till your lungs gave out and you collapsed on the ground on a grassy patch in front of a gas station.

Jungkook’s chest was heaving but he still managed a loud laugh, his eyes crinkling as he held his stomach, rolling over onto his side.

“Jungkook. That was insane…” You gasped out.

“That was fun.” he chuckled, seeming to be unphased by it all with a casual smile, rolling back onto his back and staring up at the sky.

And that was the moment you realized how crazy he was.

After that, things like this were common with Jungkook. You were his protector at school and his partner in mischief and crime.

The two of you ended up both quitting track together, against your parent’s scolding and the coaches yelling about losing one of their star runners.

You knew you wouldn’t be a star that year though, with all the smoking you’d been doing and you’d skipped out completely on practicing throughout the summer. It just seemed pointless. And you wanted more time with Jungkook before you had to leave…

———

You found yourself getting in increasingly more dangerous situations. He’d have you take him to parties at nearby university dorms, he refused to learn to drive, part of you felt like it was just because he liked you driving him around.

He always lied about his age, that never sat right with you.

Sometimes you found yourself gripping both hands on a beer bottle so tightly you thought your fingers might snap while he was getting talked to by every person that walked by. People loved him at first glance every time you went out together. But they didn’t know him.

They didn’t get to see his real chaos, they never learned the lies he told them, they’d never be able to understand him. Not like you thought you knew him.

You knew things weren’t good at home for Jungkook. He had an older brother he was close with named Jin, and a young sister named Jill, both very lovely, but his dad was a real piece of work. In the whole time you’d been friends with Jungkook you’d only been to his house twice, he avoided ever taking you there if he could.

You found out why when one of the times Jungkook had thought it’d be safe to bring you over for a moment, his dad got home from work early.

“What’s this shit.” His dad had grumbled at Jungkook, pointing to the light eyeliner he had around his eyes. Jungkook had recently started to wear makeup, he did a good job of making it look natural, but today he’d gone a little heavy on the eyeliner.

“Nothing.” Jungkook muttered, turning his back to his dad.

Apparently that was the wrong move, and all you could do was stand there, frozen.

Jungkook and you have never talked about that day. But it was traumatic for you both. You held him close that night as he cried in your arms, sitting in the parking lot of your favorite park to smoke in.

His eye now even more black than it had been with just the eyeliner, which was now smudged across his face due to his tears.

You vowed to never let anyone hurt him ever again. No matter what.

---------

Months later Jungkook was taking pictures of you, for your senior pictures. Talking about how you’d be gone next year but you’d still stay in touch. Graduation was hanging over you like a dark cloud. You didn’t want things to change between you and Jungkook.

As much trouble as you’d gotten in, as much as your grades had dropped this year, as much as your parents gave him judgemental looks any time he was around, you loved him so much.

---------

It was the last month of school.

He was gone.

Somehow his father had managed to get your phone number and you were hearing an entire vocabulary of cuss words.

“I know you’re hiding him from me. Where the fuck is he?’ the man growled on the other end of the phone.

You wish you knew.

But he just didn’t show up to school that day.

He didn’t text you like he always did to say that he was ready to be picked up.

No voicemail.

Not a word.

And now even his dad was calling you. The worry that you felt had you not paying attention to one word of your classes all day.

And the next day.

And the rest of the week.

Until next monday. He was just...there.

“What the fuck Jungkook!” You punched him in the shoulder. He looked like a mess, his hair hadn’t been cut or washed in a while, and he looked like he was wearing the remnants of makeup from a few days ago.

He chuckled “I decided to just hop a train out of town for a while” He shrugged “fuck it.”

“And you couldn’t tell your best friend where you went? Do you realize I thought you were dead?” You snapped at him.

He shrugged again. “It's fine. It was fun!” He smiled a giant toothy grin.

Your blood was boiling. How could he not even say sorry? How could he act like this didn’t affect you at all. It was infuriating.

You didn’t talk to him for a week.

------

You made up with Jungkook, but things never went back to normal. You were always waiting for him to just up and leave again. To just abandon you and act like nothing is even the matter…

You’d graduated and it was summer, you thought like last summer you’d be hanging out together most every day.

But, he stopped asking.

When you did hang out with him, he’d continuously mention this new group of friends he’d found in the town he ended up in on his little adventure. You’d think they were celebrities the way he gushed about them.

There was a girl of course, she was ‘the most beautiful mess he’d ever seen’. You found yourself holding back a sob at those words, because you knew exactly what he meant. Because it was the same as what you saw when you looked at him.

He was increasingly spending more time with his new friends than you, and school would be starting for you soon...maybe it was a good thing. He was still in highschool and you were becoming an adult, he needed friends in his grade.

That didn’t make it hurt less though.

Only about a month into summer, with a simple text Jungkook invited himself over, asking you to order some pizza and said he’d be staying the night.

In your new apartment you’d gotten to yourself after graduation, Jungkook now smoking with you on your couch, the two of you chuckling about the show you were watching. Nothing seemed wrong at that moment, it all seemed finally back to normal between you two.

And that was the last time you had seen Jungkook for 4 years.

------------

You’d checked your phone what seemed like every minute for the first month he was gone.

Even texting his brother Jin many times and getting no reply.

You waited for him to come back with some wild and crazy story of new trouble he’d gotten himself into. You figured he had to come back, he still had school, and with Jin in college he’d never leave his little sister alone with that monster right?

But as months continued to pass, it was clear he wasn’t coming back. All of his social media platforms had been deleted or you’d been blocked.

There weren’t enough tears in your body for how hard you cried yourself to sleep each night when you realized he really was gone. You felt your body heaving against your mattress with each loud sob. Your head was beginning to throb from the tears and from the stress of knowing you really had lost him.

Not that he was ever yours.

That was something you should’ve realized sooner.

Jungkook would never belong to anyone or any place.

You chuckled at a memory of skipping class, sitting in your car in the school parking lot, his wild eyed smiling expression when he’d pass you back your cigarette completely smoked to the end.

“How!?” You’d smack his shoulder with a laugh. “It was only half smoked and I handed it to you for a hit!!! How is it gone!”

He’d wink, laugh and lean back in his seat. “Just trying to die quicker.”

------------

You’d graduated from your university this year. Life had pretty much gone according to plan for you that way, you had to retake one class which really wasn’t bad considering how much you’d fallen off at the end of highschool.

You were finishing up your shift at the chain restaurant you’d been working at the past year. As you were clearing off dishes sighing over another table stiffing you on a tip, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket.

Quickly you took the dishes into the kitchen to the dishwasher and went to the bathroom to check your phone.

It was a text from a former classmate you’d hung out with a few times. You and Jungkook would smoke with him occasionally, though Jungkook seemed closer to him than you. It didn’t surprise you, Jungkook made friends so easily when they weren’t in his own grade.

Jungkook…

What was surprising was that it’d actually been a bit since you’d thought about Jungkook in a way that made your heart ache this way. It’d been years, he was nothing more than a story you’d tell to new friends. That wild child that you hung around with in highschool, the one who got you into so much trouble. People’s eyes would widen at some of the stories you’d told (If only they knew the ones you didn’t dare repeat)

“You could’ve died!” They’d say.

Or “He seems like he was just a toxic friend.”

Some even would ask you if you think maybe he could’ve been a sociopath.

You'd laugh and say it was probably true. As much as you had hung out with Jungkook, you never quite felt like that love you held for him as your friend was ever returned.

The older you got and the more you looked back on it, Jungkook never did anything but use you.

You drove him everywhere, you bought him dinners, you bought the cigarettes and weed, you defended him from his classmates( even though you’d seen him stab a man with a pen at a party once, over simply interrupting him.)

And what did Jungkook give to you?

Chaos. Trouble. Pain. Hurt…

You closed your eyes and gulped. You want him out of your head. But when you open your eyes and stare back down to the text on your phone, that wish is impossible.

‘Jungkook is back’ It read.

A chill spread across your entire body and your phone clattered to the floor. You didn’t even think about the cracked screen you’d likely caused. Your mind was stuck on one word, one name.

Jungkook.

Jungkook…

You actually felt sick, luckily you were already in the bathroom, rushing into one of the stalls you emptied your stomach, tears forming in your eyes you collapsed with your back to the cold painted cement of the bathroom wall.

He's back.

What does that even mean?

While Jungkook had been a geeky little kid in his classmates eyes for most of his life, his reputation had started to get around. When he went missing he was the talk of the town. Everyone seemed to have their own theory.

“I heard he ran off with a meth dealer.” … “No, I heard he’s in florida fighting alligators.” …. “That's bullshit he's obviously finally gotten himself in juvi!” they’d all speculated.

The worst part of hearing all of that, was that you could only speculate too.

He’s back…

A second text came in. You gulped and looked down to see a link to an instagram page kookymonster69. Of course it was that, you chuckled.

You clicked the link and it sent you over to his page. There were only three pictures posted, he really had just come back...you’d thought maybe he’d just blocked you so somehow this was a relief.

The first photo was a selfie, and WOW. He did not look like the small lanky boy that you had been friends with.

He was wearing a loose fitting tank top that showed off his massive biceps and the tattoos that covered his arms and hands. His hair was still jet black but he seemed to have learned how to perfectly style it, and his eyeliner was more on point than it's ever been.

“Fuck.” You whispered under your breath. Your heart beat fast right before it sank at the second picture.

It was him with a child that looked to be around 3 years old, the caption reading ‘My lil mini me’.

Oh…

Your mind flashed back to the girl he’d always talked about, the time he’d been spending with his new friends instead of you.

Of course.

Of course that's where he went.

But why couldn’t he tell you? Why would he think you wouldn’t want to be involved in his kids life?

You cursed again under your breath and without thinking you pressed the follow button.

“I-” You gasped. You really hadn’t meant to do that. But, maybe it's good he knows that you know he's back…

--------

Two days later you got a notification. Kookymonster69 is following you on instagram.

Within minutes a dm was popping up on your screen.

“Long time no talk huh?” it read.

You wanted to throw your phone against the wall. Though that would be the second act of unwarranted phone violence because of this little shit. So you held back. Theres only so much in your life he’s allowed to fuck up.

How could he think that was what you wanted to hear after all this time. No different than when he’d hopped a train out of town and came back like nothing was out of the ordinary.

No apology. No “You must’ve been so worried”

You started to type out a message telling him off. Asking him what the fuck was wrong with him, just dissapearing and coming back into your life like this.

You maxed out the word count on your text and re read it back over. Sighing, you deleted every word and sent a simple.

“Yeah...it really has been a while. How are you?”

Damnit. You groaned and tossed yourself onto your side on your couch.

He replied almost instantly.

“Better lately...I have a son.”

“I saw, he looks a lot like you. I always knew if you had a kid they’d look just like you lol called it” you felt a smile grow on your face, despite every bone in your body reminding you of who he was, and what he’s done...here you were letting your cheeks catch fire once again at his words.

“He does. lol he’s so much smarter than me though already.”

“I don’t doubt that ;) “

It was about ten minutes and he hadn’t replied. You knew ten minutes wasn’t a long time, nothing compared to four years. Yet somehow those ten minutes were the longest moments you’d ever experienced.

“I wanna see you again.” the words read on your phone. You felt your stomach tie itself up into a tight knot.

Bad idea. Bad idea. You should have never even replied.

Why were you digging up the past?

You quickly turned your phone over and groaned.

Letting him back in would likely only bring you more pain. Why the hell were you actually considering it.

This time it was your turn to wait a while before replying. You were weighing pro’s and con’s lists in your brain and though the con’s list kept growing, the Pro list’s first and only item seemed to top it all. ‘Its Jungkook.’

---------

So here you were. Waiting in your car outside of the address he’d texted you to pick him up at. You were parked outside of a cheap looking apartment building only about five minutes from where you lived. You wondered how long he’d been here...this close to you without you knowing.

You sucked in a deep breath when you saw him walk out the front door. He was wearing an oversized grey baggy t-shirt and tight black skinny jeans ripped at the knee where you could see the start of a tattoo peeking out. He had on silver chains and his hands were covered in rings, he looked like some kind of goth model.

You rolled the window down and called over to him.

“Not sure if you remember my car.” You spoke lightheartedly trying to offset the nervous feeling, and another feeling you were still trying to sort out.

He belly laughed and smoothly opened your passenger door and hopped in.

“How could I forget!” his dark eyes were wide and excited as always, his charming smile you’d once been so used to now making your brain practically glitch out. “I can’t believe you still have it.”

You shyly shook your head. “Broke college student” You chuckled. “So what are we doing? You said you just wanted to chill…”

Jungkook smiled and relaxed back into your seat, like he’d done a million times, so naturally. Though he didn’t look like the same small boy you once knew.

“Yeah, like old times.” He winked and pulled out a small baggie of weed.

You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“C’mon don’t tell me you quit.” He teased.

“Of course I didn’t.” You chuckled.

“Good y/n.” He smiled cutely, booping your nose with one finger, and you felt your heart stop.

Your face must’ve fallen or had some sort of expression to let him know he’d affected you, because he immediately punched your shoulder as if to snap you out of your thought.

“Give me a cigarette then and let's go.” He demanded joyfully, banging on the dash of your car and giving you an “onward” motion with his arm for you to start driving.

You drove around for about an hour, smoking cigarettes and passing a joint back and forth.

He didn’t talk much about himself or what he’d been up to and he also didn’t ask much about you either. When you’d bring up questions you got short replies that didn’t seem very satisfying.

“So are you still with your kids mom?” You asked him as he was passing you an almost fully smoked joint.

“Hell no!” he coughed out smoke with his words. “Evil.” he muttered and shook his head.

“Evil?”

“Yup.” he nodded, grabbing another cigarette from your pack without asking. Just as he always used to. What's yours was always his back then, but right now his casual way of falling back into old routines was hurting, you couldn’t stand it anymore.

You pulled into the parking lot of you and Jungkook’s favorite park you’d hangout at. You pressed the brakes suddenly and aggressively bringing the car to a half.

“Woaah.” Jungkook giggled as he let out a tiny puff of smoke.

“You left.” You felt yourself about to explode. Trying to hold it in was becoming impossible.

“You just LEFT.” You yelled the last word, startling him and making him cower back against the window.

“Y/n…” His eyes widened as he gave you his best puppy dog face, this was the first time you’d probably ever really yelled at him. He’d been scolded plenty of times, but you were always soft on your Jungkook. He didn’t deserve that though, you might not have been dating, but he’d broken your heart and you deserved an explanation.

“Why didn’t you tell me? How could you just leave me without a word?” You felt tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

It was silent in your car for a while.

Jungkook brought the last hit of his cigarette to his mouth shakily.

“No.” He shook his head, doing something that always gave you the chills. The way he could turn his cutesy eyes into stone cold daggers in an instant used to make your heart drop into your stomach. Though right now you were a bit too worked up to feel anything but anger at him.

“No?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t need to tell you shit.” He shook his head, his eyes not meeting yours.

“Right.” You huffed, sinking into your seat. “Why would you. Why would you tell your best friend what's going on in your life right?” you snapped and realized the words building inside had reached your tongue faster than your brain could tell you to stop.

“Though I guess maybe we never really were best friends? Maybe I just thought that because you hung around me so much. But you never actually gave a shit about me did you?”

Jungkook’s eyes were widening and he was cowering further away from you.

“I would’ve done anything for you Jungkook, you know that? Died for you, killed for you. Do you realize how many times I took the fall and got in trouble for things you did? And you just…let me. You always just let me get hurt for you, let me ruin myself for you. And you never cared. And then you just...left.”

Your last words came out as a choked up whisper.

Jungkook was staring at the cigarette in his hand that had gone out, twirling it between his tattoo’d fingers and pursing his lips together tightly.

“Why’d you keep hanging around me then if you hated it so much.” He grumbled, seeming genuinely hurt by your words.

You sighed. Hating that now you felt the need to comfort *him*. You shook your head. No. He doesnt get to get away with that.

“I guess I don’t know.” You muttered glaring at him.

His eyes met yours for a moment but on seeing your anger they quickly flitted away.

“You seemed helpless.” You answered after a moment. “That's why. I thought you needed me. I thought I was helping you by being there for you. I didn’t realize you were destroying me.”

At that Jungkook’s gaze was serious and direct at you.

“Destroying you?”

“Nevermind. This was just a mistake.” You murmured starting to put your car into reverse to leave. A large tattoo’d hand pressed onto yours stopping you.

“Hey.” He spoke seriously.

You stopped and looked over at him, already visibly exhausted from this conversation.

“Just…” He grabbed another cigarette from your pack and lit it, sucking in a large hit. “I missed you, trust me.” he grumbled.

“Oh wow, well at least you missed me the four years you chose to not talk to me.” You hissed out slightly getting in his face, making him flinch back.

“I’m not gonna say sorry.” He whispered, his doe eyes staring at you intensely, his eyes flicking back and forth between your eyes and what seemed to be your lips.

Of course he’s not. Of course he does know that's what you want. You had an urge to grab his face in your hands and just shake some sense into him and scream ‘Why can’t you just have some normal human emotions you complete sociopath.’

Instead your body’s next choice of action was one that neither of you were expecting.

As if your lips were magnets, yours fell onto his quickly and perfectly, snapping the two of you in place together.

You pulled back with a gasp, holding your lower lip between your thumb and index finger, feeling mortified at yourself.

Jungkook on the other hand had a smirk slowly growing on his face, his eyes mischievous, likely knowing this was his “in” back to your good side.

The fact that you knew that's probably what he was thinking should’ve been enough to have you stop right there. But the way his eyes were now scanning you up and down in admiration was too intoxicating, too addicting, you’d missed him too much.

“Do your seats still fold all the way down.” He pointed to your backseat with a chuckle.

You smacked his shoulder. “And why would that matter to you.” You teased, almost completely forgetting how angry you’d just been with him. Damnit, how did he do that.

He shrugged with a knowing laugh, his eyes crinkling up cutely, bringing his still lit cigarette to his lips.

“You wanna get even?” He glanced at the back seat again.

“Get even?”

“Yeah.” He winked “You seem like you’ve got a lot of pent up steam at me there. I'm just suggesting some sanctioned punishment-” the corners of his lips curled up mischievously at the word. ”-so maybe you’ll feel a bit less upset at me.”

Bad idea. Bad idea. Those words were playing on a loop in your brain.

Trying to remind you of every bit of hurt and pain he’d caused you, and how if you slept with him, you knew that pain would only hurt worse the next time.

Jungkook was already getting out of the car and putting the seats of your station wagon down flat into a makeshift bed.

You had your fingers clenched tightly around your steering wheel, knuckles turning white. This is Jungkook, not just a one night stand, not a new fling. This is *Jungkook*. You knew there was a higher chance than not that you’d be filled with regret after this.

But there he was now laying out in the back seat of your car, staring at you with a cute and enticing look. “y/n.” He spoke sweetly. “You can come punish me now” He winked.

You couldn’t deny to yourself how much you wanted him.

You took one more deep breath in and without taking another thought to it you rushed into the back seat with him.

He was laying on his side with his head propped up on his hand.

“Took you long enough.” he teased.

Before he could say anything else you were on top of him, pushing him onto his back and pressing him to the seat with one hand and putting another one over his mouth.

“You’re definitely going to have to shut up.” You growled.

His eyes lit up at the fire you’d shown him. He’d never seen you like this before, his sweet y/n that always looked after him, looked out for him, picked him up every time he needed it.

He knew he fucked up. But life itself was fucked up, nothing in life is fair and no one gets what they truly deserve. Jungkook especially. So why would he owe anyone an apology?

This was the best he could give to you.

He nodded, agreeing to be quiet for you.

You slowly let your hand fall from his mouth and replaced it with your lips, melting into him, you were kissing him like you’d been starved for it. Your fingers started to tangle in his hair, messing it up and tugging slightly.

Jungkook's hand reached around your waist, pulling you against him, moving down to your hips and trying to get you to grind against him.

You quickly reached down and grabbed his wrist, pinning it above his head and shaking your head slightly as you gave him a few more pecks.

“Don’t get greedy. You can’t be patient after all this time?” You scolded.

He stuck out his lower lip in a pout, taking in the sight of you straddling him, looking down at him with a mix of emotions still flowing through you.

You went back to kissing him, pinning his other hand above his head and after a bit, rewarding him by pressing your core down onto his and giving him the friction he’d wanted.

He let out a soft and needy whimper as you did.

You felt butterflies filling your stomach at his noise. It was so gentle and sweet, and to know that you were the one making Jungkook feel this way was a sense of pride you’d never felt before.

You stacked his wrists one on top of the other and held them in one hand, your other hand now slipping between where your bodies met and palming him over his jeans.

He hissed out a sharp breath and a small “fuck” fell from his lips involuntarily.

“Does that feel good baby?” You teased him pulling back from your kisses and studying his face, knowing the answer was obvious.

He bit down on his lower lip and his eyes were clenched tightly as he nodded.

Your fingers fumbled slightly but didn’t take you too long to undo his jeans and slip your hand inside, now running your hand slowly along his length over his boxers. His hips lifted slightly off of the seat, pressing up against your hand desperately wanting more.

At that you gave him a slight squeeze, causing him to yelp out. His eyes were wide staring up at you.

“I said don’t get greedy. Remember, this is supposed to be for me.” You chuckled at his disappointed face. “You’ve always been so fucking selfish and greedy.” You gently kissed his lips, before roughly taking his lower one between your teeth and biting harshly.

“Fuck.” he hissed, a small drop of blood now forming where you’d nipped at him, but he only seemed more hungry for you now.

You tugged on the hem of his pants and boxers. “Off now.” You demanded.

He wasted no time after you released his wrists, he tugged down his clothes, pulling up his shirt slightly and letting his length fall against his toned lower abs.

He was so beautiful, smiling up at you with a playful look. It was an absolute joke for you to think you were actually in charge here. You were wrapped around his finger and you always had been.

He looked absolutely mouthwatering. But you didn’t want to let it get to his head. This was supposed to be payback.

You went back to kissing him, that way you didn’t have to look at him, that way you didn’t risk saying the words that you shouldn’t...

With a free hand you took his length into your hand, letting the weight of him sit in your palm for a moment before slowly tickling your fingers up and down. He twitched under your touch and his kisses faltered as he let out a small gasp.

“y/n no more teasing.” He moaned out.

“I thought I said shut up.” Your hand was back over his mouth, but you decided to indulge him for a moment, pumping your hand up and down his length a few times. You could feel his moans vibrate against the palm of your hand still clamped down on his lips.

You let him go and slowly moved yourself down so that his cock was positioned right in front of your face. Letting your tongue lay flat against the base with pressure you licked a long stripe up his cock. When you got to the tip you flicked your tongue a few times right under his head. His hips reflexively moved up at that, begging you to take him fully in your mouth.

Instead you “tsk’d” at him a few times, loosely holding his cock in your hand and not moving.

“It's no fun just sitting there waiting is it?” You asked. “How do you think I felt waiting for you for years.” You lightly slapped the tip of his cock with your hand not holding it.

“AH!” He yelled out “Hey!” he strained his neck to be able to give you a shocked expression.

“Too far?” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

He thought for a moment, then shook his head, laying back down. “No. No it's not that I don’t like it.” He chuckled. “Just...it's you. I never thought you’d be like this in bed.”

You were suddenly moving up to face him, your hand grabbing the sides of his neck tightly. “You don’t know me anymore.” You growled. “You made sure of that by cutting me out of your life for four fucking years.” your grip on his neck tightened slightly before you released him.

He gasped in a deep breath when you pulled away, looking up at you in awe.

You moved your hand back between his legs now pumping quickly, twisting over his head when you’d get to it. You ate up every moan that you pulled from his lips, they were yours, you’d caused every single one and they were yours to keep forever.

Right before it looked like he was going to cum, you pulled your hand away, leaving his cock untouched and throbbing.

“No..” He whimpered, “Please please.” His needy whines were so cute.

“But why should you get to cum?” You teased him.

He pouted dramatically. “Y/n…” He spoke sweetly “Cuz you love me. Make me cum because you love me.” He smiled a wide and precious smile.

Fuck.

Your mouth hung open at his words. Of course he knew you loved him.

All the easier to use you.

Because that made it all the harder for you to say no to him.

Letting your forehead rest against his, you brought your hand back to his length, letting your fingers drag against his soft skin as you gripped him.

You could see a small smirk on his face, as his breathing became even more unsteady, his moans catching in his throat as he panted heavily.

“Oh my god that feels so fucking good.” He groaned out. “Fuck.” His hands were gripping the back of the front seat that his head was pressed up against, his muscles flexing as he tightened his grip unable to contain how good you were making him feel.

His abs were clenched and his hips were lifting off of the seat for you as he desperately fucked himself into your hand.

“I-I’m cumming.” He gasped out, his eyes met yours as he came, his mouth falling completely open and noises resembling your name were being muttered as his hips jerked and his cock twitched in your hand, spurting ropes of cum onto his stomach.

You didn’t stop moving your hand around him, waiting for him to get so sensitive that he had to pull your arm away, both of you laughing.

You rolled over next to him, turning your head to face his.

He was facing the top of the car, eyes closed and he had a big smile on his face, seeming very satisfied with himself.

“Even?” He finally opened his eyes, turning to you with a bright grin.

You chuckled.

It probably would be asking too much to expect Jungkook to see the flaw in his logic here. Once again, he’d gotten you to give him everything, for nothing in return, and he wanted to call that his apology.

You shook your head at him.

“No. But I do feel a little better.”

He nodded, seeming to somehow take that as a positive.

“You’re good at that.” He sat up, taking his shirt off and using it to wipe off his stomach.

“Thanks…” You muttered. Here it was, the regret setting in. The feelings of ‘what the fuck did I just do’. Even worse was the feeling of knowing now that you had, all he had to do was say the word, and you’d be right back there again.

You exited the backseat of the car quickly, rushing to grab a cigarette from your glove compartment, your fingers shaky as you brought the lighter up to the tip. Flicking it many times but not getting a flame.

“Fuck!” You yelled, chucking the lighter as far as you could, managing to make it over a fence and into the park.

Jungkook had just gotten out of the back seat in time to witness your little display. He didn’t say anything, simply grabbing another lighter from the front seat along with a cigarette for himself and walking it over to you.

You let him light your cigarette and the two of you stood for a minute in silence.

“Does this mean you’re actually back…” You whispered softly, almost not wanting to even ask, not wanting to know if it wasn’t the answer you were hoping to hear.

Maybe Jungkook knew that. Maybe that’s why he didn’t say anything at all.

He never told you he loved you, he didn’t even try and make you feel loved.

Maybe it was good that way, it might make it a bit easier when he leaves again.

Maybe it was better that way, it was kinder than being lied to.

#Jungkook smut #Jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #bts x reader #bts smut #bts fanfic #Jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x gender neutral reader #bts x you #jungkook reader insert #jungkook angst #bts angst #bts imagines #bts x gender neutral reader

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iwillbeinmynest · 3 years

Text

Redcove Harvest - Bucky x Reader(f) Chapter 8

Authors Notes: Oh look, Kate isn’t dead! Hello, hi, it’s me the absolute WORST. *FacePalm*

AU: Farmhand!Bucky x SingleMom!Reader

Word Count: 900+

Notes/Warnings: (Notes are for the whole series) FLUFF, mentions of a past toxic relationship, a wild storm at the end, drama and a break-up, mentions of drinking, kids being adorable and ridiculous, kissing, romance and a tiny bit of angst if you look hard but nothing more than that of a Hallmark movie.

Masterlist Series Masterlist

Bucky tossed the fifty pound chicken feed bag onto the pile he had made. This was the first of many heavy lifting jobs that he would have to do today.

After his last dinner with Y/N, she sent him a text two days later that she no longer needed his help on the farm and that she would mail him his last check.

He knew that wasn’t true. He had only completed just half of what she’d originally asked him to do. He must have done something to upset her. There was no way this was all over a painting.

The next day he went to her house only to have Gracie answer the door. She told him that Y/N wasn’t feeling good and had been in bed all day.

Bucky called her that night and she sent him to voicemail. She texted him right after and said she wanted to be left alone and asked him not to come back to the property.

He hated it but respected her request.

So now, he was working part time at Steve’s Feed and Seed store hauling pallets of feed and other products off the delivery trucks.

It had been two weeks since Y/N asked him to leave and he’d felt sick ever since.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve called.

Bucky paused and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his sleeve. “Yeah?”

“After you finish this, I need you to grab the forklift and bring all the outdoor pallets into the warehouse. That storm will be rolling in around four and I want as much secured as possible.”

Bucky nodded. “Sure thing.”

“Make sure you grab the new kid to help and maybe even Mike. It’s a lot of moving around and you’ll need help.”

“Okay,” Bucky nodded as he grabbed another fifty pound bag to stack on top of his last pile.

Steve shifted his weight and exhaled as he crossed his arms. “You okay, pal? I know with everything with Y/N you-”

“I’m fine, Steve.” Bucky answered quickly.

Steve didn’t believe him but he knew when his friend needed space.

* * * * *

Bucky threw his keys on his dash after parking his truck in Steve’s driveway. Steve wasn’t too far behind him but the rain and winds had already started. He pulled out his phone and opened his weather app. He pulled up the radar and exhaled as he ran his hand over the short beard that was forming on his chin. This storm was massive. The local news channels were advising everyone to stay inside and to stay off the roads.

Bucky wanted to check on Y/N. He wanted to ignore her request and make sure that she and those girls were okay.

Then, as if she’d heard him, Y/N’s name popped up as his phone began to ring.

He let it ring once but only because he was in shock, “Hello?”

“Mr. Bucky?”

His heart sank, “Grace? Is everything okay?”

“Not really. My-”

“Are you safe? Where is your mom and your sister?”

“Lex is with me. We are in the upstairs hallway. But momma went outside and the rain is really bad. I saw on the news that this storm is dangerous and-” Grace was starting to give into panic. “And I don’t wanna lose my momma too!” She was crying now.

Bucky grabbed his keys, cranked his truck and threw it into reverse as he peeled out of Steve’s driveway and raced towards Y/N’s property. “Okay, okay, hey, listen, I’m on my way. I’m coming. But I need you to do something for me, okay?”

“Mhm.” She sniffled.

“I need you to stay upstairs, right where you are with Lexi, alright. I’m going to go straight out and find your mom. But everything is going to be fine. We get storms like this all the time. It’s nothing to be worried about,” He felt guilty for lying about this but he needed her to calm down. “I’m going to hang up and call Mr. Steve, okay? Have you met him?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Great. He’s my best friend and I’m going to call him so he can come watch over you and Lex. So, if you see another truck outside it’s okay, that’s just Mr. Steve, alright? Real quick, can you leave your house key on the rug outside of your front door?”

“Uh-huh.”

Bucky could hear her running downstairs.

“Great. Lock the door back when you are done and go sit with Lex so she doesn’t get scared.”

He heard the door open and close and locks being turned.

“Okay,” She sniffed again but she sounded calmer.

“Perfect. Great job, that was super helpful. I’m going to hang up but you call me if you need me, okay?”

“Okay.” She said.

“Bye, grace. I’ll be there in just a few.”

“Bye.”

The second the call was disconnected, He speed dialed Steve.

“Hey, what’s u-”

“Steve, I need you to head up to Y/N’s place, now.”

“What’s happening?”

“Grace just called me, freaking out. Apparently Y/N is out in the storm. She didn’t tell me why but I can bet it was to take care of her animals.”

Steve let out a swear.

“I need you to go to her house and keep an eye on Grace and Lex. There is a key at the door.”

“Are you sure? I can help-”

“I’m sure.” Bucky focused on driving.

“Okay. I was just about to turn down our street so I’m not far behind you.”

“Thanks.” And Bucky hung up.

Bucky turned onto the now graveled drive that would take him to Y/N’s house.

* * * * * * * * * *

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#bucky barnes #redcove harvest #bucky x reader #reader x bucky #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes series #Iwillbeinmynest

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smuttyjenos · 3 years

Text

The Heartbreak Series

A Short Overview of Mark’s Love-life Throughout the Years

Mark-centric AU

Pairings: markhyuck, markten, yumark, renmark, jenmark, lumark, and side!johnten

word count: 3.4k+ words

written in bullet form cus I'm a lazy shit

unbetaed so read at your own risk lmao

very self-indulgent; i.e., I just really wanted to hurt Mark... sorry Mark

suggestive themes. contains swearing and mentions of alcohol, drugs, sex, and cigarettes. reader discretion is advised!

—————————————————————————————

MARKHYUCK - “The timing wasn’t right”

Mark didn’t hate Donghyuck when they first met; he just didn’t get him

Where Mark was quiet, respectful, and peace-loving Donghyuck was loud, brash, and always spoke what was on his mind without any regard to anyone’s feelings

But somehow everyone loved Hyuck and Mark couldn’t understand why

Until he took the time to properly get to know him

That was when he realized how irresistibly magnetic he was

He was funny in a crass way

And was horribly honest (for better or for worse)

He knew the best ways to rile people up but somehow always smiled his way out of any fight

And god was his smile beautiful

He made you want to be his friend with a single look

But understanding this didn’t mean understanding his own feelings (especially as a supposedly “straight” Catholic boy), so nothing truly develops between Mark and Hyuck aside from a weirdly tense friendship

Where Mark was constantly craving his attention

And Hyuck was constantly torn between giving it to him or staying away for his own sanity

They move away from each other after high school and end up in different universities so they don’t hear from each other again until years later

MARKTEN - “the mentor”

Mark was in his first year of college when he realized he might not actually be straight after all

Being away from his Catholic parents and being exposed to other types of people really helped broaden his horizons

But meeting Ten was the turning point

They kissed during a game of Truth or Dare and the next thing Mark knew was that Ten was bringing him home to his bed

The morning after a confusing but terribly pleasurable fiasco, Ten was laughing at Mark's naivety because

(1) he hadn’t left like most guys do after a one night stand and;

(2) Mark was a cuddler when he was drunk off his ass

A literal octopus that pouted and whined and unconsciously sucked hickies unto exposed pieces of skin he could reach overnight

Mark tries to make sense of what happened

He thought that he and Ten HAD to be a thing now after what they had done (and they had done a lot)

Mark doesn’t really understand yet the concept of a one night stand

Ten explains to him that they don’t have to date or be exclusive (Ten just doesn’t roll that way)

They can just keep things casual between them

But poor Mark just looked so lost

So Ten takes him under his wing

Ten spends the next few months helping Mark explore his sexuality

They try different positions and different roles and even have a few threesomes with Ten’s more regular hookup: Johnny

Ten goes to great lengths to teach Mark about the wonders of hookup culture and one night stands and bars with sexy drunk men and sex full of passion but without any of the strings attached

He does all this before sending him off into the world like a chick leaving the nest

But Ten is still Mark’s favorite go-to for a long time

He just never had a chance with Ten

Not really

Especially not with Johnny always around

YUMARK - “the first heartbreak”

Yuta was Mark’s first boyfriend

He was known around the school as the problem-kid in Johnny’s year because he had skipped and flunked so many classes, has repeated his 3rd year twice

He was also notorious for his black-painted nails, devil-may-care attitude, and smoking on school grounds

He was the type of boy your parents warned you to stay away from

And he was also Ten’s go-to supply for happy pills and alcohol whenever he hosted parties at Johnny's frat house

Mark had known about him for a while

Had heard about him from all his seniors and even his batchmates

But they first meet at Ten’s graduation party when Mark was in his 2nd Year

By then Mark had been well-taught and fully immersed in hookup culture and he wanted to try his hand on someone different like Yuta

He let the older boy take him to his dorm room which smelled of weed and cheap beer

This isn't really what Mark would call attractive

But somehow spending the night with Yuta made Mark crave more than was deemed healthy

Even Ten wanted him to stay away from Yuta after hearing he had slept with him

But something about his aura made Mark fall to his knees

So they spend a few more nights together wrapped up in each other’s embrace

Yuta showed Mark things that Ten didn’t dare (and that was saying something as Ten was quite kinky himself)

Mark would probably never disclose to anyone the kind of shit he and Yuta regularly got around to doing

But one of their tamer endeavors, and one that they particularly enjoyed doing, was fucking raw while they were high or drunk

During this time their inhibitions would be completely thrown out the window and their fucking would often border on dangerous

Like fucking on the windowsill with the window wide open

Despite living on the 3rd floor

On one of those blurry nights where their vision was hazy with smoke and their throats burned from liquor, Mark blurted out that he had fallen in love with Yuta

Yuta didn't exactly reply

But he pulled him into a kiss and they didn’t speak of it again

They spent most of their free time together making out, fucking, or chilling at Yuta’s dorm with bongs and Japanese horror movies after that

They skipped classes to go on long drives to the countryside where they’d happily fuck in (and occasionally on) the car

Mark picked up smoking as a habit after having been given the task of carrying around Yuta’s lighter and lighting his cigarettes for him

The hefty metal had ‘N.YUTA’ messily carved into its body with a box cutter

And carrying it around made Mark feel useful, powerful, and gave him a sense of purpose

But he didn’t realize how dependent he was becoming or how much of his life he was slowly ruining

Mark lived in this toxic relationship believing Yuta needed him

Yuta told him that he needed him

When in reality it was actually Mark who needed him to feel alive

One day the relationship took a nosedive when Mark finds Yuta cheating on him with Winwin

Mark had never known what rage felt like until that moment

Mark cried angry tears

And he threw the metal light out the window, shattering the glass and causing Winwin to wince at the probable cost of the damage

Yuta tried to apologize but ultimately they decided that the relationship had already died months ago

They weren’t good or healthy for each other

And this was apparently just an incident waiting to happen

So they broke things off without another word

Mark has long since forgiven Yuta but only because it was in his nature to do so

But despite having uttered the words “I forgive you” he still feels the sting of heartache every time he sees Yuta and Winwin together

Because he couldn’t deny that Winwin made Yuta better than he ever could

RENMARK - “the one that got away”

Renjun was unique and enigmatic in many ways

He was smart, funny, artistic, and had a great personality, but was closed off and always kept his guard up

He made Mark want to use big words he otherwise would never use on a daily basis (like Abstentious, Deleterious, and Grandiose) simply because it made him smile

And Mark really loved his smile

Renjun would tease him for it, saying Mark probably didn't even know half the words he spewed out

But Mark could handle a few hundred blows to his ego if it meant Renjun would look at him for a few seconds longer

Following his relationship with Yuta, however, Mark just couldn’t find it in himself to ask the damn boy out

Renjun wasn’t an overly affectionate person and was stingy with skinship

But that made it all sweeter when he would lean against Mark while laughing his loud, full-bellied laugh at something Mark had said

Mark avoided smoking around Renjun because he had said once that he didn’t enjoy the smell

And he had associated cigars to his absent father

So regardless of the heavy withdrawals he experienced, Mark eventually quit smoking altogether because Renjun was less likely to recoil from a hug if he smelled more like sweat than if he smelled of burnt nicotine

Mark thought that maybe this was Renjun making him better (the same way Winwin had made Yuta better)

This made Mark think "Ah yes, he's the one"

But he wasn’t

He knew he wasn’t because of one night where Mark invited Renjun to his dorm to watch a movie over some beer and popcorn

They watched Love, Rosie, because Renjun wanted something cheesy to cringe to

They weren’t cringing though

Instead, they had the lights dimmed and the movie set to a low volume as they seriously talked about what could’ve happened if Rosie and Alex had just confessed to each other sooner

Hearing Renjun’s thoughts made Mark want to confess his love for him sooner too

And it was a little deeper into the night when Mark was on his 5th bottle and Renjun was on his 3rd that Mark found himself staring at Renjun’s side profile

He allowed himself this moment to trace the boy’s features

From the soft curve of his eyebrow down to his dainty ears and his perfectly carved out jaw that was hidden underneath a smooth expanse of unblemished skin

When Mark looked up again, Renjun was staring back

A moment passed where Mark’s heart felt like it was trying to jump out of his chest

And then he was leaning in and kissing Renjun on the lips

It wasn’t rough or passionate

It was slow and all-encompassing

All sighs and deep breathes before a gentle brush of parted lips

Renjun ended up on Mark’s lap, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes closed like he was scared to know if this was real or not

But he knew it was real because he was holding unto Mark’s shoulders for dear life while Mark held him gently by the waist

Renjun sleeps over at Mark’s that night but they didn’t go beyond soft kisses and lips against smooth skin

Mark thought it was perfect

But when Mark wakes up the next day, Renjun had left him a note on his bedside table that said

“Please, let’s not talk about last night.”

So they don’t

Because when they meet again, Jaemin was all wide smiles and sparkling teeth

“I finally got the courage to ask Renjun out, and he said yes!”

Mark tries his best to forget about his crush on Renjun because he still wanted him around and because he couldn’t ruin his friendship with Jaemin

Even if he couldn’t rest his hand on his lower back or press gentle kisses on his forehead, having him around was enough

Mark tells himself that this is enough

Seeing Renjun happy, even if it was in the arms of another, is enough

Renjun’s presence and his friendship is enough

It was Mark that wasn’t enough

MARKJEN - “the rebound”

Mark wasn’t enough for Renjun and Jeno wasn’t enough for Jaemin even when they both gave their all for the other

Mark still avoided smoking around Renjun but without the boy teetering him down his withdrawals became too hard to resist

So he allowed himself a butt or two whenever he was out, drinking his sorrows away with Jeno

Jaemin and Renjun’s relationship became their common denominator and they decided, after multiple bottles of whiskey and gin, that they should fall into bed with one another

Sex with Jeno was surprisingly rough and fast-paced

There was no love there; just calloused hands on his body and teeth marking his tanned skin

And a battle for dominance which Jeno was surprisingly unwilling to relinquish

After having been emotionally used by Jaemin for years, something snapped in Jeno that made him refuse to bend over for anyone ever again

And Mark, after having Renjun take everything he could give, was happy to let Jeno take the reigns and give it to him harder than anyone else ever did

They didn’t fall in love with one another

They never shared gentle kisses or whispered sweet things to one another

But between them bloomed a strong friendship that helped patch the emptiness in their hearts and anchored them back to the ground all the way until graduation

MARKHYUCK (2) - “it was you all along”

Of all the people Mark thought he’d meet on the bus, he didn’t expect Donghyuck to drop unto his lap (quite literally) during his commute home

After suffering multiple heartaches throughout his years in college, Mark thought himself too old to believe in fate or soulmates

He instead believed in the art that is hooking up with strangers he would meet at bars (Ten liked to call it “going back to his roots”)

(Not that Ten had any right to speak when he and Johnny were getting hitched in two month’s time)

But meeting Hyuck had him thinking that maybe fate wasn’t all just a can of baloneys

Even after Donghyuck had quite literally fallen unto Mark’s lap, he still had the audacity to get mad at the older boy for sitting in that particular seat that he could’ve fallen into without incident

And Mark could barely believe his ears at the words

Donghyuck was still just as brash and rude as he was when they were in high school

But the mischief in his eyes was aged, more mature, and less childish

Clearly, he's seen and experienced things and grown up a little

Even if it wasn't obvious

Perhaps they shared a few experiences between them?

Mark didn't have time to ponder on this as he was completely stunned to silence

Mark got up from his seat and offered it to the angry boy, who wasn’t really all that angry to begin with because he didn't know what else to do

Donghyuck was hesitant but he eventually sat down on the chair that Mark offered

It was the wrong decision though as Mark decided to stay rooted to his spot, right beside the seat, a little rigid and causing Hyuck some intense discomfort

Mark stared down at Donghyuck who was getting red from all the attention

After barking out a “what?” Mark asked the first thing that was on his mind

“Do you want to get some coffee with me?”

Of course, Donghyuck was taken aback

But the guilt of having stolen Mark’s seat and STILL acting rude despite all of that made Hyuck turn away with a blush high on his cheeks and a silent “sure” falling from his lips

The silent 'sure' that made a smile blossom on Mark’s face so Donghyuck didn’t really mind (to him, Mark was still as handsome as he remembered)

They stop by the first Starbucks they see and sit down to catch up

Mark finds out that Hyuck had just started working at the same company he and Johnny worked at

Donghyuck was also scheduled to move into the same apartment complex Mark lived in–albeit on a higher floor

Something pleasant wriggled inside Mark at the knowledge that he could potentially be spending more time with Hyuck depending on what department he'll be working in

He was pretty fucking convinced that it was fate paying him back for all the years of heartache he endured

Mark quickly offers Donghyuck his assistance for the move but the younger of the two quickly rejects, telling him that he was plenty capable of doing it on his own

Mark wanted to argue further but he feared it would scare Hyuck away, so he let it be and simply settled with buying the boy jjajangmyeon to celebrate getting his own place

They quickly become close friends after that and Mark takes Hyuck as his + 1 for Johnny and Ten's wedding

Mark decides that slow and steady was a good move for him and Hyuck

But what he didn’t anticipate happening was Donghyuck meeting Jeno at the wedding and seemingly becoming infatuated with the other boy

Mark was starting to think that life was a bit too unfair to him as he watched Hyuck and Jeno become fast friends

He wanted to scream and retaliate

And tell Jeno to stick to his lane as he was already flirting with Jisung anyway

But instead, Mark runs away wanting to spare himself another heartache

And Hyuck was left to stand there, baffled by Mark's sudden inattention

LUMARK - “it’s not me, it’s him.”

In a desperate attempt to forget about Hyuck, Mark starts sleeping around once again and meets Lucas

He was a boy his age who he likened to a giant puppy

A puppy he definitely shouldn't have met at a gay bar because he was much too kind for his own good

Lucas is as sweet to him as life is cruel

On the first night they met, Lucas had bought him a drink, danced with him on the dance floor, patted his back while he hurled into a toilet from drinking too hard, and then let him cry on his shoulder after bringing him back home (supposedly to make out so more but that didn't exactly go as planned)

A week later and Mark finds himself getting picked up after work every single day

He walks him home, regularly takes him out for dinner dates, and even asks him if he wanted to move in after his lease was up

All within a month of dating him

Once again Mark finds himself thinking that maybe Lucas is the one even if he knows very well that he didn't deserve the giant puppy

He couldn’t deny, however, that the relationship fell short

Lucas was very kind about this and asked Mark if maybe there was someone else

Technically there wasn’t

But really... there was

Because Mark couldn’t get the thought of Donghyuck out of his head

Mark blurts this out one night but hastily explains to Lucas that nothing is going in between him and Hyuck

Mark could never cheat on anyone after suffering so badly with Yuta

And Mark hasn't really been out to see a lot of his friends since he met Lucas (mostly to avoid Hyuck) so he didn't really have the time to cheat on him

He will just try harder to love Lucas as much as Lucas loved him is what Mark says

But all Lucas says in response is “I am not Donghyuck, and that's okay."

MARKHYUCK (3) - “say yes”

After the relatively peaceful breakup with Lucas (who agrees that they should at least remain friends), Mark is once again alone in the world

Mark and Donghyuck still work for the same company and still go home to the same apartment complex

But where Mark used to have Lucas pick him up and walk him home, he now had no one to spare him the uncomfortable small talk that Hyuck has insisted they have

“What happened to Lucas?”

“We broke up.”

“Oh.”

“What happened to Jeno?”

“He’s with Jisung.”

“Oh!”

Mark was clearly taken aback as he knew Jeno used to flirt with Jisung long before he even met Hyuck

Shouldn’t having them hang out make Donghyuck uncomfortable?

Just like before, Mark was deeply baffled by Hyuck’s behavior

“Is he not crushing on Jisung anymore?”

“He’s literally head over heels in love with him.”

“Then why’d you let them hang out?”

An uncomfortable silence envelops them that causes Mark to look up at Hyuck properly

“... cus they’re dating?”

Mark was confused by this

It’s true he hadn’t been with his friends in a while, completely focusing on Lucas and avoiding Donghyuck

But he couldn’t have possibly missed something this big

“I thought you and Jeno were dating? You two became so close after the wedding.”

This time it was Donghyuck who gave Mark a confused look (although his was laced with anger)

“Mark Lee you can’t be that fucking stupid! I was asking him to help me ask you out.”

A whirlwind of emotions washed over Mark as he stared at the angry boy in front of him

He found it more and more difficult to do anything BUT stare at Donghyuck; he just had that effect on him

He stared so hard that he didn’t realize they had reached their stop and that Donghyuck was getting off the bus

Mark allowed his body to move on autopilot as he helplessly followed Hyuck into their apartment building

As if he was watching his life pass by like a movie, Mark watched as Hyuck pressed (slammed) the button for his floor for him and allowed himself to be pushed out of the elevator when he had reached his supposed destination

But instead of walking to his apartment, Mark turned back around to the closed elevator and stared some more

When the elevator doors opened again to reveal one of his startled neighbors, Mark suddenly snaps out of his trance-like stupor

What the fuck was he doing out here?

As the moments before suddenly rush back to him, Mark makes a move for the elevator (even getting slammed between the doors as it was closing) to go to Hyuck’s apartment

He bangs on the door loudly, not bothering to put down his suitcase that was undoubtedly scuffing the wooden door

Donghyuck flings the door open angrily to yell at Mark but is instead cut off by the older boy’s voice

“What do you mean ask me out?”

Hyuck stared at Mark in disbelief for a moment before attempting to close the door on his face

Much to his delight and Donghyuck's anger, Mark’s reflexes were much faster than either of them knew and he easily pushes himself into the room to simply ask again

“Hyuck, what do you mean ask me out? You were going to ask me out?”

“Yes you big oaf, I was going to ask you out! But your stupidly small brain encased in that big forehead of yours decided to date Lucas before I even had the chance.”

Mark bites back a smile but ultimately fails as he backs Haechan further into the apartment

“Ask me now.”

“What?”

“Ask me out now.”

At this point, Donghyuck looks downright murderous but Mark pays him no heed as he keeps smiling down at Hyuck

“I’m not asking you out anymore, Mark Lee.”

“Then I’ll ask you.”

“No you won’t, I’ll say no.”

“Go out with me, Donghyuck.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to anymore!”

“Please?”

Hyuck stared up at the soft, pleading look on Mark’s face and feels himself crumble for a moment

So he turns away from temptation, a scowl deepening the lines on his face

Mark only follows his gaze and smiles back at Hyuck

He could see the younger boy's resolve breakaway but he also knew that Hyuck was a stubborn bitch

So finally, in a last-ditch attempt to get what he hoped will make them both happy, Mark decides to take Donghyuck’s hands in his and looks directly into his eyes

“I know I was a dick, Hyuck.. but please give me one more chance? Go out with me...”

Hyuck seemed like he was at a loss for words

The last of his dignity and his inflated ego had been chipped away and he felt like he was suddenly laid bare in front of Mark

Completely and 100% at his mercy

So instead of dignifying Mark’s begging with a response, he looks away once more and gives him a curt nod

The small affirmation, however, lights up Mark’s face and he hurriedly throws his arms around Hyuck and pulls him into a tight hug before spinning him around once (completely ignoring the shrieking it caused)

When Mark pulls away, Donghyuck's face is flushed red and he's scowling at him once more

But that didn’t dim Mark's smile at all

Instead, he asks Hyuck if he could kiss him

And Donghyuck, of course, says yes

25 notes · View notes

blacksunscorpio · 4 years

Note

is it normal for a scorpio moon to be obsessive and then get mad when the person they like doesn’t give them enough attention ??? cause that be me (aqua sun, aries venus , scorpio moon + taurus rising)

LOL Yes, love. This is very normal.

Scorpio Moons…

Have deep emotions that they will tend to process over and over. You’ll always be looking for the ‘why’ and tend to try to make sense of all the things you uncover on an emotional level. Deep fear of betrayal. Martian and Plutonic energy have quite ruthless attitudes with regard to emotion. Obsession is a given when someone’s moon is ruled by Scorpio. Even a bit of obsession compulsion. Also, we have to remember Scorpio is a fixed sign. [ And you actually are fucking around with a triplicity of fixed energy with your Aqua, Taurus and Scorpio triangle there, sheeeesh]. Fixed energy is all about being immovable. Inflexible. Rigid, stubborn, opinionated and single-minded. Obsession is just a synonym for having a one-track mind.

Scorpio moons have the monopoly on this.

When Lunar Scorpio’s love they love with ALL they have. These people love deep. They fall hard. Why so intense? The Moon is the most primal expression of Scorpio energy. That’s because the moon is the most sensitive luminary, so Scorpio moons tend to act out many Scorpio traits Solar Scorpio’s are able to keep under lock and key. The rage. The subtle tactics that manipulate. The need for control. Speaking of which, That is another thing about lunar Scorpio’s, their need for control. When a lunar Scorpio feels out of control, they are NOT in their bag. They actually lose their sense of balance. Their equilibrium is shot. Panic ensues. That notorious paranoia. It actually feels dangerous for them. And what does a Scorpion do when it feels in danger?

It pulls out that stinger.

Their emotions tend to feel so out of it that they need to fill that void somewhere else. This will typically be through an obsession of theirs. Most of the time it will be another person. They need the other person to reciprocate their love with the intensity that they feel. If they suspect that it’s not, this ends up resulting in that deep primal rage Scorpio’s are so notorious famous for. This subterranean force that can cause them to be overcome by jealously, thoughts of revenge, and resentment. There is the culprit behind your issue, boo.

Eh, it’s an 8th house/Plutonic thing *shrug*, Don’t trip.

Since the moon’s primary job is to feel, Lunar Scorpio’s are the yearners, the cravers. The ones that Usain BOLT not walk towards the forbidden fruit. They love dangerous connections, forbidden entanglements, and profoundly deep connections. If it’s not torturous and painful with a dash of toxicity, they don’t want it.

I swear, it’s like the zodiac took a syringe, filled it with underworld/Scorpio extract and stabbed it into the hearts of those born when the moon was chillin in Scorpio.

As a result, people with this aspect are very hard-pressed to control and direct their Scorpionic passions like solar Scorpios do. They are rawness and authenticity in its unrefined state. They operate on reflex and instinct– not mental calculation. Again, this is the MOON. Raw emotion. Not logic. They feel stimuli and their plutonic nature reacts automatically.

Lastly, these are the types that will obsess so much but so covertly it almost always go unnoticed [unless of course, another Scorpio catches on.] They will be the types to stalk. In every sense of the word. I’m talking social media, friend’s accounts, drive-by’s around the job, around the house, Geo tags on the phones, hacking through VPN’s. [I’m not being facetious these are actual examples I’ve lived through lol] Why? because this makes them feel close to the object of their affection. The need to be on that person’s mind. And of course they do, since the object of their affection/crush is always on theirs. It is also a mode of protection. Lunar Scorpios are the types who want to find out everything about you so they can either feel close to you or retaliate against you if you ever betray or hurt them. Self-preservation mode. Again, it’s a Plutonic thing.

So to answer your question, Yes it’s normal. Your emotions are steeped in intensity. Just remember to reign it in when you feel them borderlining on the destructive. Scorpio is a water moon, making you ultra-sensitive to the moods around you. So be verrryyyyy careful. Scorpio Moons are especially vulnerable to dark atmospheres—toxic, heavy, stagnant, and the spiritually degraded. You need to purge ill feelings on a periodic basis. Over time, you’ll find that balance. Try to stay grounded and not fall too deep into that rabbit hole that is Plutonic energy. Anything in excess isn’t healthy. Use your gift of intuition to learn trust your strong instincts about situations and people and act accordingly

#Scorpio moon #moon in scorpio #lunar scorpio's #scorpio placements #asks #astro asks #8th house influence #plutonic influence #plutonic placements #bruja tips

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harcourtholmesii · 3 years

Text

Unintended Purpose (Part II)

Pairings: As Of Yet; Unknown

Warnings: - Swearing - Slavery (Whether Characters Realise It Or Not) - Mentions of Violence

Words: 2110

Enjoy!

The ride to breakfast was a strange one. ‘Connor’ had taken a seat in front, staring ahead and with back ramrod straight. Hank had been worried the thing had broken the moment they had entered the car, but he was relieved to see it turn its head as he switched on his music.

In the backseat, Cole was excitedly asking about what working as a police officer was like, and even if the android was about to answer, Cole was quick to ask something else. Hank watched the android with some suspicion, a little frustrated that it had not even attempted to answer Cole’s questions or humour the kid even a little. He had to keep reminding himself that this was not your standard model. Fucking thing probably didn’t understand the concept of ‘small talk’.

Hank pulled up to Chicken Feed, Cole dashing out of the car with a wave at ‘Connor’, barely waiting for Hank to stretch his legs. He turned, opening his mouth to order the android to stay behind, but decided against it when the damned thing didn’t even turn its head to acknowledge him. It reminded him of some pompous blue blood from the higher ranks in the force; some cock-sure asshole who ordered officers around from the safety of his desk.

He met Cole by the food truck, lifting him up so that he might have a proper view of the menu. Gary was a close acquaintance, always willing to shirk some dollars off the bill in return for Hank not taking him in. Not that Hank would. The Chicken Feed truck served only the best burgers in Detroit, and he wasn’t going to let the police force take it away.

With their food in greasy paper bags, Cole and Hank returned to the car. And to ‘Connor’. It confused Hank why, of all times, did the android wait until they had left to turn its head and acknowledge them. Warm, brown eyes peered at the bags in their hands, and for a moment, the LED blinked a bright yellow.

As they took a seat in the car, ‘Connor’ finally spoke.

‘Lieutenant.’ Hank nearly jumped in his seat, glaring at the android beside him. How the fuck did he know about his rank? ‘I would not recommend eating what food you have purchased. The food has been prepared in an unsanitary environment, as the owner, Gary Keyes, has a criminal record of violating hygiene regulations.’

Hank just stared.

Cole just gaped.

‘The food may not be toxic to the human body, but the calories are twice the amount recommended for a man of your age, and may cause indigestion for Cole Anderson. I understand that you have a history of minor egg allergy, suggesting that you may have passed the condition onto your son. The condiment, mayonnaise, has egg as its base ingredient, and may cause illness if either of you should ingest it.’

‘Connor’ reached across and grabbed the paper bags from Hank’s hands, the man too stunned to say anything. The android returned them just as quickly, running leftover grease from the bags between his fingers and licking it from his synthetic skin. Hank felt a little sick.

‘It appears that Gary Keyes had been drinking before-hand. He has also left traces of blood in the grease from an open wound, presumably from a cut on his hands.’ The android’s mouth snapped shut, as it tilted its head to look at Hank, almost innocently. ‘Perhaps you should arrest Gary Keyes, as he is still operating the establishment without a license.’

Silence.

The android returned to peering straight ahead, Hank just completely astounded by what he had heard. Yes, he was familiar with the conditions the Chicken Feed worked with, but he never knew so much detail. In fact, he still didn’t understand how the Hell this fucking android knew half of what he did. He shouldn’t have access to those kind of files.

Cole was suddenly pushing himself half into the front seat, babbling on at a hundred miles a minute.

‘How did you do that?! That was so cool! How did you know my dad works with the police?! Did you work with him?! Can you tell me about the criminals you busted?! Did you use a gun?! Can you do that again?! What do you know about me?! What do you know about Dad?!’

‘Cole!’

Hank felt a little guilty when Cole shut his mouth, and slowly slipped back into the backseat. Hank would apologise later, but he just wanted to get the android’s attention and work out what the fuck had just happened.

‘Hey!’ No answer.

‘Connor!’ Those eyes turned onto him. They seemed so emotionless; cold. It unnerved Hank. He didn’t trust this thing. Not even a little bit, and normally Hank’s gut was pretty good to trust. ‘What the Hell did you just do?’

‘Are you referring to what I said, lieutenant?’

‘What else?’ The android tilted its head once more, seemingly confused by the response. ‘Yeah, what you said. What was that?’

‘I simply relayed to you the details of what I scanned of the premises and the staff. It is my duty as your assisting android to aid you in what ways I can; including preventing you from causing potential harm to yourself and your son, or potential endangerment of your career.’

Hank couldn’t believe this. This fucking robot thought that a couple of burgers were practically poison and that ignoring this one man was going to get him fired from his job? That was rather insulting. Hank may no longer have been as popular or as young as he used to be; he had gotten a bit lazy as to who he would bother to bring in, but that didn’t mean he was about to get fired over something minor.

‘Do you scan everyone you see?’

‘Of course. If there is the potential that someone is a threat to you or your son, lieutenant, I must be ready to act. If I fail to search for threats and you are placed into danger, I will have failed my purpose, once again.’

Hank had forgotten about that. If the thing was human, he wouldn’t have been surprised if failure scared it. A human failing once was not often the end of the world. Normally it meant something minor, such as answering a question on a test incorrectly, or mistaking how many steps in an apartment stairwell, causing them to trip. But for an android, failure often meant deactivation, and being torn down for parts.

‘Can you scan me?’ Cole asked, peering up at ‘Connor’.

‘I already have. If you wish me to relay to you what data I found; you are nursing a slight limp in your left leg. Still recovering from a minor shock and minding what pain is there. Perhaps you tripped. Your hands have traces of isopropyl alcohol, and minor stains to your fingernails would suggest you were using a colouring book, specifically, a paper-back book. Fine hairs on your clothes, primarily white, bare the DNA samples of a St Bernard, and from the wear on your trousers, one that is small and excitable. A puppy.’

Holy shit.

‘I am correct?’ It sounded more like a statement than a question, but Hank nodded slowly all the same. Instead of bursting into another round of uncontrollable questions, Cole simply sat there, mouth agape as Hank pulled off the curb.

The drive was a slow one, almost drawn out by the silence in the vehicle. Hank really wasn’t sure what to think. On the one hand, this android was far more advanced than the ones that worked at the precinct; able to gather such in-depth information with a single glance. It was beyond impressive, and Hank would have given most anything to have that power.

On the other hand, he was pissed. The android hadn’t spoken a word since he introduced himself and then he was suddenly telling Hank that he was putting his son in danger?! Well, whilst it had not been specifically stated, it seemed implied. Could androids even imply things? Either way, Hank wasn’t sure how he felt about an android being able to ‘scan’ Cole or himself.

When they finally pulled onto Michigan Drive and then up the driveway, Cole rushed out of the car and practically pulled Connor out with him. Silence broken, he started babbling like mad about how ‘mom’s gonna love you’. Hank doubted it.

Entering into the house, Hank was thankful for the smell of crispy bacon and the sweeter scent of pancakes. He hurriedly tossed out the paper bags full of burgers, and let Cole run over to the kitchen to greet Renee. Cole practically dragged her out by the hem of her skirt, until she was facing Hank. And ‘Connor’.

‘H-Hank…’ Oh, fuck. He knew that tone. It was one of some disappointment. ‘W-What’s this?’ She crossed her arms, indignant at the sight of their new android. Before Hank could answer, ‘Connor’ had stepped forward.

‘Renee Anderson née Tuppens. I’m the RK800 android as made by CyberLife. Intended purpose; a failure. New purpose; home assistance. May my work be satisfactory to you.’

One dark brow arched, red lips pursing as she all but glared at ‘Connor’. Her lips stretched to accommodate a strained smile as she gestured Cole to the kitchen table and then took a step forward, around ‘Connor’ and over to Hank.

‘It’s ‘intended purpose’? And what exactly was that?’ Hank should have known she would latch onto that. It was why he had hoped to speak first. Perhaps, knowing from him that the android was once a police detective, she would have considered it another layer of protection, or some shit. But then the idiot bucket of bolts had to open its mouth.

‘It… It was a police android.’

‘A police detective; a prototype for the new RK900 models due for release in December.’

‘Oh?’ Renee turned her angered gaze onto ‘Connor’, and Hank cringed for him. ‘And, how exactly did you fail your original purpose?’

Hank, admittedly, was just as curious. But he didn’t want it to become another argument between himself and Renee. The last thing he wanted was for her to stress for Cole’s safety because the android had failed some multiple choice quiz.

Both pairs of eyes on ‘Connor’ took notice of how the LED ring lit up almost immediately neon yellow, and then briefly flashed red. Hank knew that was never a good sign. He raised one hand to rest it on Renee’s arm as if to pull her behind him. Of course, she just shrugged it off, too pissed to care.

Sumo, though excited to greet them at first, had slunk away, and was hiding beneath the kitchen table and Cole’s dangling feet. Cole was watching the confrontation, mouth half stuffed with pancakes looking between the three of them.

‘How did you fail your original programming?’ Hank asked, resting one hand over his jacket where his holster would have been.

A moment of silence.

‘It was my first mission; I was supposed to capture a deviant android for questioning and eventual deactivation.’ Hank knew about deviants; very few people didn’t. Androids that ‘broke the bonds of their masters’, or just ‘completely snapped’. Most deviants turned violent, triggered by something that would be traumatic for a human, and sometimes killed their owners.

‘I found them. However, I made a mistake when I confronted them.’ Deviants were often unpredictable, and had the power to turn the tables of a confrontation or the ability to blend in once the LED was removed. Perhaps, an android that was not turned deviant would struggle to predict most courses of action, even one as advanced as ‘Connor’.

‘There had been a human officer that was injured in the crossfire. Though the deviants were incapacitated and eventually destroyed, it was determined that it was a miscalculation on my part.’ Hank didn’t like where this was going. Suddenly, Renee was clinging tightly to his arm, when before she had been so willing to ignore it.

‘I had shot him in the shoulder. He was in critical condition when they shut me down to be wiped of my programming.’

‘Oh my God.’

‘I do not know if I killed him. But I did cause him damage, and as an android, I was fortunate not to be scrapped immediately.’

The LED was bright red.

‘Thank you for allowing me into your home.’ By the way Renee’s fingers tightened, and how her nails dug into his skin even through the jacket, Hank knew he had fucked up.

#DBH #Detroit: Become Human #RK800 #RK800 Connor #Hank Anderson #Cole Anderson #Fanfic #Fanfiction #HarcourtHolmesII

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warmbeebosoftbeebo · 3 years

Note

wanted to pick your brain to some q’s about this situation. don’t mean to play 20 questions w you but I would rather read an intelligent and thought out answer than listen to the insufferable trolls on twitter.

- do you think this decision has been coming or was it made recently?

- do you think zck was blindsided by the demotion because he had always gotten away with stuff before?

- why do you think z was only was only demoted instead of being fired/terminated?

- will it affect b/sarah’s friendship with kala/z? (maybe not because they were just together for kala’s birthday)

- how difficult do you think the decision/conversation w zck was for b?

- do you think this will weaken b/zck friendship?

- will b ever realize how toxic this friendship is and walk away? or will they always have a friendship in some form?

i think it’s been in the works a while.

i bet he’s surprised that he got consequences.

he’s been b’s friend for 15 years, (a) best friend even for much of that time, and i think he’s one of the guys that b changes who he is around to the point where parts of that become him (the mask, at some point, becomes who you are). i also think b really rebels against being told what to do, as he’s said before, so anything that goes against that mormon upbringing, he runs towards, and zack generally represents the antitheses of it to him (it being forbidden by the church, makes it desirable to him). (the false but omnipresent dichotomy, esp in the states, of religiosity vs hints of the vegas strip as a kid/porn/liberalism, a particular view of sexual and other freedom based in snubbing one’s nose at religion when said view of sex is actually based on/dependent on religion’s vision, paring down and definition of sex is related heavily to this and plays out with b i think eg porn must be good because it’s a fuck you to religion, when really, porn looks as it does precisely because of religion.)

kala, zack, b, and sarah are all friends and that would make things even more awkward if they fired him outright to boot.

there’s been posts on nicole’s, kala’s, etc instagram of them still hanging with him through this summer so... i’m not sure it did. it’s hard because there is a massive rumour mill going around with diff celebs this summer and so i think it reached the point where there’s automatic distrust for anonymous drive-by and delete allegations (which frankly, should be subject to factchecking were possible and not automatically believed if anon shortlived accounts are all/almost all there is). there’s also the massive pileon on b that started about a month after firezackhall/dismisszackhall did, which was mostly taking things out of context, very very implausible sexual assault & harassment allegations, & as things went on, more and more flat out false or made up out of nothing (there’s been several accusations that i have no idea where they come from eg that ggb is about him wanting to “turn” a lesbian straight, him using the word dyke as a slur, forcible rape, regularly exposing his genitals on stage, etc)

with zack, it mostly wasn’t anonymous, but it was still more obscure twitter accounts (eg we don’t know the real life person behind the account even if it is an account that’s been around a while), aside from breezy, dallon, and in recent days, ian (and his sister, two ex girlfriends also said their experiences with zack were unpleasant to him being insulting about ian to sexist/harassing of them). i got the niggling feeling that b’s stream brushed aside b, d and i’s disclosures (focused clearly on fan disclosures/experiences), but that may have been because he’s addressing them privately/in person/one on one.

i think it was really difficult for him. i also think some of the things brought in weren’t... bad and i think muddled the process too (eg him pushing the girl that was running full tilt at b was justified imo and shouldn't have been used to say he should be fired, even how the one where b and zack were mobbed at the airport while b had a panic attack was used... inappropriately?, some of the stuff was just his brusque humor and not bigoted, i thought what he said about taylor swift was ok and not this big predatory “he’s a danger to her how could b let him be in the same room with her” thing, the fact he said that fan drawing wasn’t good but could only get better was fine by me not him being this big meanie).

i also think that second society article from nov 2 was really unethical and gross. and i don’t like zack overall (breezy, zack, ian, some of his tweets eg the drawing saying that girls control males from toddlerhood through our vaginas/vulvas, his use of nonconsensual porn inc screenshotting fans nudes on instagram and turning them into nonconsensual porn by saving them and reposting them/making the wallpaper, calling that poor girl blow job girl not just once, but telling others and calling her it again). but it was a hit piece and really inappropriately used his criminal past of over 20 years ago, including when he was a homeless teenager, most of which were poverty-driven crimes (theft, larceny, break and enter, driving violations, he’s also admitted to drug dealing/consumption, and he also drove/bodyguarded women in escort prostitution, although based on what he said, this wasn’t pimping aka taking a large portion eg 40% plus of their earnings) and not directly violent against others. there is one assault charge that we know of, from over 20 years ago, and we don’t know the context. shameful even of them to use his past like that.i would also like to remind people going after zack for this past and thinking it reveals something dreadful and evil about him that *brendon* used to not only use (hard drugs too), but be the delivery boy for weed, and later deal drugs (eg percocets). (b’s talked about this for years, most recently on twitch, and zack’s discussed his past on kala’s podcast.)

most of what zack’s done and been accused of (as in, while with panic, the sexual harassment, mocking disabled people, sexualized misogny, etc) is within the realm of normalized, widespread male behaviour. finding fault with his behaviour with/treatment of others would mean finding fault with most men and aggregate (average/overall) male behaviour. including in what some of what b has done (some of which is speculative on my part, some of which is known eg violent sex comments, misogynist slurs, online porn consumption).

i don’t know the inner workings of their relationship, and am only going on some hints. what breezy said in that comment months ago (that zack is a bad influence on b, has cost b good friendships) says a lot to me and she liked a post recently where another expressed shock/anger at b still being friends with zack. but i don’t know if i would consider b a victim of zack he does seem to be gaslighting him to a degree, although it also has to do with what i said above about it being in the realm of normal and him being drawn to what zack is and represents (rebelling against shoulds and oughts and mustn’ts... eg swearing is bad according to the parents and church, so all "bad words” must really be good/desirable/said). he’s also got anxiety, depression disorders which play into fears, isolation, plus the covid lockdown of this year which isolates him even further. i do believe the four of them (b, zack, sarah, kala) are living together now with the lockdown? correct me if i’m wrong; i’d have to rewatch lockdown streams.

the fact ian also came out about zack on top of breezy and dallon has me wondering why b was and is such good friends with him. why does he like him so much? i admit, i used to like him a lot of the time in streams even when he was an acquired taste (eg he jokes around a lot, is rarely serious, a lot of sarcasm, being sardonic, deadpan, honesty and not lying but to the point where it can be a little much), some of his twitter but considering what those three alone have said... does he feel that isolated without him? the fact zack is bisexual may also play a role in their friendship (eg he has other nonstraight male friends, esp when he was younger i don’t think b had many straight male friends and had more female friends), but that’s speculative and i don’t think that’d play a big role.

i’m not sure what b has taken in/seen, what he knows from before, what he knows now, what he knows to be true, what people have told him directly and is credible, so i don’t know if this will change things/make him see him in a different light. like what did he know about zack’s dynamic with and treatment of dallon and breezy before? what did he think of it then? what does he know now? what did breezy and dallon tell him at the time? did they tell him anything recently? show him?

#brendon urie #zack hall #speakupbrendonurie #brendonuriespeakup #abuse allegations #abuse disclosures #ian crawford #breezy #dallon weekes

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cheonsans · 4 years

Text

Escapism

Group: ULTRAVIOLET.

Featuring: UV (Jamie-focused), TMRW’s Dabin ( @ttmrww ), staff.

Genre: Angst, a bit of soft if you squint. It just hurts, I’m sorry.

Word-count: About 2.8k.

Warnings: Mentions of death, strong language, mild violence, general emotional pain (including references to anxiety).

“No, fuck it, fuck this. I’m done, I’m going home, all of you can shove it. Get the camera out of my face.”

Jamie has no idea how much the cameras cost, but likely more than he’s expected to earn in years. He feels no guilt over pressing his palm to the lens and shoving it away from him, feels no remorse as the cameraman loses his grip on the device momentarily and the corner of it smacks with a resounding note against the doorframe, chipping as if it were made of nothing more than cheap plastic. All he feels is bitterness, toxic and bubbling between his ribs, coating the roof of his mouth with every exhale. His fingertips are buzzing with unrealized panic, each frantic beat of his heart sending more icy-hot anxiety suffusing his veins.

They’re only three days into filming their reality special, and that is simply three days too many. Three days of cameras in his face at what feels like every waking hour, from the moment he rolls out of bed to when he’s too tired by the end of the day to bother remembering from where they are being recorded. Three days of endless questions, ridiculous challenges, humiliation from the other members, and a palpable lack of already debatable privacy. He’s an idol, he should be used to every step being monitored and the soreness in his cheeks that comes along from faking smiles, but enough is...enough.

Lucy’s death had been one of the last straws, really. She was an old spaniel, it had been expected really, but to get nothing more than a call from his Mom after he’d practically grown up with that dog...no, it wouldn’t do. It wouldn’t do at all. Crying on the couch with King’s arms around him might have sufficed if those damn cameras didn’t eat up every second of it. They’ll edit it out later, you can tell them you don’t want it included in the show. King’s reassurances had helped in the moment, but now that Jamie has had time to process, he doubts the company would pass up an opportunity for fans to see the ‘real Jamie.’ ULTRAVIOLET: they’re just like you! He can see it now, bubble letters racing across the screen for the viewers to lap up the news like champagne in the first episode. He has put on a brave face for two days now, and what finally breaks him is being denied a short break due to a delay with getting started that morning because of Minsung’s probably fabricated migraine.

He’s opening the front door before he knows what he is doing, ignoring King’s shout from behind him and the deeper tone of their manager as he removes himself from the group of staff members to chase after him. Jamie isn’t interested in giving him the chance. They had been preparing to leave as a group soon, so at least he has a face mask hooked under his chin already, which he tugs roughly into place the moment the door slams behind him. He doesn’t look back as he walks down the front path to the sidewalk, unsure where he’s going, and only now regretting that he hadn’t thought to grab a coat. His flannel and t-shirt are doing nothing to ward off the bitter chill of the late Autumn morning, and the wind stings his eyes until he ducks his head.

“Jamie--” It is King’s voice that carries over the wind. He’s certainly as cold as Jamie himself, for when Jamie turns to face him with the beginnings of burning tears gathering behind his eyes, he finds that the leader had also neglected to find a jacket before giving chase. He supposes he should have been touched that King had thought of him before himself, but any affection he might have felt normally is overpowered by that noxious, churning need to escape.

“What the hell is going on with you? Come back inside, you’ve got nowhere to go!” King moves as if to reach out to him, but stops when Jamie draws back an arm defensively as if to hit him, ignoring the pang of genuine pain that blooms in King’s eyes at the action. Jamie is far from a violent person, but when this driven by emotion, rationality is out of the question. Logically, King must know that their lovable, if not a bit chaotic, maknae is far from a threat...but in that moment, all the leader sees is a panicked young man, both taller than stronger than he is, and it gives him pause.

“I don’t fucking care.” He’s playing the part of classically belligerent teenager a bit too well, but he can’t be bothered to adjust his attitude. “It’s too much, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.” Although his voice is somewhat muffled from behind the mask and it’s getting harder to breathe with the crushing pain of warding back proper tears, his voice only trembles slightly. He loses the battle with himself, however, as their manager hurries down the walk, Siyun and Taesong only shortly behind him. Minsung is still inside, probably desperately trying to pretend nothing is going on. For once, Jamie is grateful for Minsung’s non-confrontational attitude, as it gives him one less person to be humiliated in front of.

He pulls the mask down again once it truly becomes difficult to breathe, tears tracing steady pathways down his cheeks. Their manager, Byungwoo, steps forward, but is stayed by King’s arm. Miraculously, the older man listens, looking nearly nauseated with stress. King takes a step towards the youngest member carefully, as if approaching an infuriated and feral dog.

“Jamie, I know things might seem rough right now, but--”

“No. fuck you, hyung, you have no fucking idea what it’s like being across the world from your...your family, your f-friends. You don’t know shit.” His words are snagging in his throat with encroaching sobs, but his image is the last thing on his mind now that the cameras won’t dare capture this. He doesn’t wait for a response before turning on his heel again and continuing to attempt getting some space between him and the others.

Jamie doesn’t think before lashing out once a hand snags the back of his flannel. His palms connect firmly with King’s chest, and with only the base instinct to preserve his personal bubble, he shoves hard enough to send the leader to the pavement. King hits the ground hard, likely scraping up his lower back and hands in the process. He grunts as he goes down, a curse dying in his throat as Byungwoo steps forward to intervene. The manager doesn't make it far, however, and his grip on Jamie’s shoulder is wrong, all wrong.

Jamie isn’t sure when he curls his fingers into his palm, isn’t sure what his intention is when he angles himself and drives his fist into the older man’s jaw. The pain that sparks in his knuckles is negligible compared to what Byungwoo must be feeling, but the only thought in his mind is on how hitting someone in the face had hurt much more than expected. He’s thought of doing the exact same thing to countless assholes in high school before debuting, but he’s never acted on the impulse so cleanly. “Fuck! Oh my God, I-I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t wait to take in the aftermath, after that.

Jamie is running before it catches up to him, barely managing to fix his mask in place again before rounding the corner and scrambling up a chain link fence gracelessly. He tears his flannel in the process. He’s never been the type of kid to manage to pull a move like that off smoothly, anyways. The last time he ran from someone was when his cousin Josie had a lizard in her hand, and he certainly has no practice evading anyone cool like bullies, the police, or one very pissed off team of staff members. For a while, the only sounds he registers are the pounding of his heart and the rhythmic smack of his converse on pavement. Slight seclusion gave way to the crowded streets of Hongdae quickly. Suddenly, the danger of being recognized in his current state becomes very much real, and his lack of a real plan settles over Jamie’s shoulders with definitive weight. So, he turns left and begins to move mindlessly towards the first place that kindles within him a sense of security.

It is over two hours later that Taesong pulled up in front of TMRW’s dorms. Dabin is anxiously waiting by the curbside, and he gets in the car without so much as a proper word of greeting.

“Where the fuck is he?” the Australian boy’s jaw is set, and he taps his phone anxiously on his knee. Taesong sighs, heavily, long fingers flexing and unflexing on the wheel.

“I have a feeling, but you need to relax.”

“Relax? I get a call from your fucking manager, who sounded stressed half to death by the way, asking if Jamie were at my studio...you take two hours to show up to go looking for him, and you tell me to relax? Where the fuck is my friend, Taesong? What happened? What took you so long?”

They’ve yet to pull away from the curb, and it is evident that the rapper’s stalling. He continues his rhythmic gripping of the wheel, blunt fingernails digging into his own palms.

“Is this even your car?” Dabin continues, noting the cloth upholstery rather than the leather of Taesong’s usual sports car that he swears isn’t compensating for something.

“...I stole our manager’s keys, wanted to stall him a bit more. I told him I’d handle getting Jamie back but he didn’t seem particularly convinced.” Taesong’s tone is clipped, barely contained. “Look, you’re only here because I’m not sure if he’ll listen to me alone. Keep whining at me, and I swear to God, I’ll leave your tiny ass here and go drag him back myself. Shut up.”

Dabin looks him in the eye for one long moment before simply opening the car door and...getting back out. He slams it behind him with much more force than necessary. Taesong sits there, shellshocked, for only a moment before he unbuckles his seatbelt and hauls himself out of the car as well.

“What the fuck is your issue?” Tae gives up on keeping himself neutral, his expression contorting in blatant frustration. “Get back in the car!”

“I’ll find him myself. You could at least pretend to care about him, he’s your fucking member, and you’ve waited this long to do anything? What the hell is wrong with you? You’re the one who lost him, take some goddamn responsibility. I knew you were an asshole, Taesong, but this? He’s a kid.”

Dabin is yelling, matching Taesong’s aggravated tone note per note. For once, Taesong seems at a loss for words. His brows draw together, as if he’s trying to comprehend just how this tiny producer has managed to shut him up. Irritated, Taesong slams an open palm down on the hood of the car.

“I’ve waited because i know he needs space, okay? I love that idiot, you have no fucking right--” Taesong cuts himself off with a groan, swallowing the last of his pride. When he resumes speaking, his voice is more forcibly controlled. “You know how he gets. If someone tried to find him before now, it would have made things worse, more public. I need you, okay? Right now, you’re probably the only person he wants to see, and I need to make sure he’s safe. I couldn’t care less about how you feel about me, but get in the fucking car for Jamie, and stop acting like you know shit, when you don’t.” A muscle in his jaw twitches, and Tae exhales sharply before getting back into the car, shoulders relaxing once Dabin relents after a moment’s hesitation and gets back in beside him.

This time, he doesn’t stall before putting the car in drive.

“I’m surprised you aren’t at the airport by now, dude.” The merry chime of the coffee shop’s door when it closes behind Taesong and Dabin is a stark contrast to the absolutely caustic expression on Jamie’s face as he makes eye contact with the rapper. His gaze does soften, however, as he notes Dabin by his side...even if only a little bit. Jamie is curled up at a table in the far corner of the small shop, a plate dusted only with crumbs on the table in front of him, and a half-empty mug of coffee warming his palms. His knees are drawn up to his chest, shoelaces untied and dangling off the edge of the chair, and while he looks a bit worse for wear...he’s safe, and that’s what matters.

“I’m an idol, Tae, you really think I could afford a ticket?” Jamie’s tone is resigned. “What is he doing here?” He sounds genuinely surprised to see Dabin, but far from upset about it.

The Australian replies readily.

“They thought you might be with me, so I got a call and got worried. You really think I wouldn’t come help?”

“How did you know where to find me..?” Jamie picks up his coffee and takes a slow sip, shoulders relaxing further as the flavors of cream and sugar melt over his tongue.

“I remember we stopped here two weeks ago and you mentioned how the strawberry tart reminded you of your mom’s, so I figured you might…” Taesong sounds nearly embarrassed to admit it, scratching the back of his neck with one hand.

They’re lucky the shop 9s tiny and empty besides the three of them and a concerned looking barista, busy wiping down the counter. No fans are gossiping outside, snapping pictures on their phones. In fact, it all felt quite...normal. How odd it is that normal is more suspicious than anything to the three men in the cafe, hovering in the space as if it weren’t made for people like them.

“I didn’t think you would pay attention to something like that. Tsundere ass bitch.” Jamie takes a sip of his coffee to hide his expression while Taesong pretends he knows what that means. Jamie doesn’t fight as Dabin approaches him and drags the chair from the other side of the table around to sit beside him, tentatively reaching out to drape an arm over his shoulders. Jamie relaxes visibly, leaning into the touch with a sharp exhale that rattles the crumbs remaining on his plate. Taesong feels overwhelmingly awkward standing there, as if he’s intruding, but he tosses the stolen keys from one hand to the other to break the odd tension.

“It’s been two hours, let’s head back. Sungmin’s not mad at you, don’t worry.” Taesong tries, and although he has no idea whether or not the leader’s going to hold a grudge, that doesn’t much matter now.

“...Shit, i’m gonna be in so much fucking trouble.” Jamie groans and let his head fall to the side to rest on Dabin.

“Anyone tries messing with you because of this, I’ll kick their ass, alright? Siyun’s rich as shit, anyways, he can probably just pay someone off and call it a day. Let’s go.” His lame attempt at a joke is met with a dude, really? expression from Dabin, and Taesong shrugs, helplessly.

Jamie hesitates, however.

“Uh, about that...I don’t actually have any money on me? The barista was an angel and took one look at me before saying I needed something sweet, but…I don’t think the promise of a signed album’s gonna be enough.” He looks at Tae expectantly, who sighs in response, but fishes in the pocket of his leather jacket for his wallet.

“The things I do for you, I swear to fucking God.”

“Aw, come on, you know you love me, hyung.” Jamie’s heart is only half in the attempt at playful banter, and he sniffles before getting to his feet. Dabin is still clinging to him, now via a protective, or even possessive, grip about his waist.

Taesong glances at the two of them, not rolling his eyes or scoffing as Jamie might have expected. Something seems to click as he notes the way Dabin’s face is pressed into Jamie’s upper arm, the familiarity with which his fingers gather the fabric of Jamie’s t-shirt to bring him as close as possible. It’s a conversation for later, surely, but things seem a bit clearer, even if it isn’t Taesong’s business.

“Yeah. I do.”

#ultraviolet.txt #jamie.txt #ultraviolet #luvkoc #oc kpop group #oc kpop idol #koc #kpop!oc #idol!oc #idol!au #fake kpop group #fake kpop idol #jamie

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ottorocket808 · 4 years

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Chapter Two: The Weirdo on Maple Street

I wonder how they coaxed her back to Mikes house it was probably easier than I think because they’re also kids and it’s raining and cold because I’m pretty sure it’s November in Indiana. I’m just gonna say that the lunge clap isn’t the best way to tell if somebody is deaf I’m pretty sure they’re gonna flinch regardless because you lunged at them. 🤣🤣🤣 Modesty don’t exist where she’s from y’all cut her some slack. Wait is that blood? Wait it’s probably from her nose. I don’t even know where the nearest ‘nuthouse’ is why does Lucas? How did Dustin and Lucas both forget that they snuck out the house and therefore telling any adults right now would be a bad idea?

Yo Joyce is talkin about spending $2000-$3000 on missing posters and he’s in a different dimension and this is in 1983 that might as well be $20,000-$30,000 now I know my mom would know my voice anywhere they gotta stop doubting Joyce no matter what interference came down the line.

Hop and these pills are gettin on my nerves you are not House sir sidenote Hops reaction to Jonathan volunteering to go to his dads house felt like dick measuring why wouldn’t he want him to go looking for Will if seeing the cops would mean he runs again which means even longer until he comes home.

Don’t start shit with your little brother when he knows your boyfriend was in your room last night without your parents knowledge or consent Nancy. Sidenote it’ll never not be suspicious to hear your kids say ‘nothing’ together when you ask them a question.

I think Wills been missing for 2 or 3 days at this point where is he getting water? I’m pretty sure this kid is well on his way to dehydration on top of breathing in the toxic atmosphere of The Upside Down Will is a strong little dude.

I think I’ve spotted Els first Eggo that might be why she likes them so much Mike gave her her first one I mean Eggos are good but plain with no syrup no butter and lukewarm and she still likes them more than anything else. El’s hesitation towards telling any adults makes perfect sense after what happened to Benny.

Calling a lady crazy who’s kid just went missing feels a little insensitive I mean what did she do in regular my kid isn’t missing life that would make him say that?

Steve’s hair looks so much better but he’s kind of a dick because he invited Nancy to the ‘party’ not her and Barbara which isn’t really a problem is that he did it in front of her but if you pay attention to his ‘friends’ they aren’t any better in all honesty this is just a double date. Nancy’s little brother hangs out with Jonathan’s little brother all the time you’d think she’d stand up for him just because of that I mean she looks legit guilty listening to the others make fun of him I mean how many times has Jonathan been at her house to pick up Will?

Mike said damn goin to school I have girl who doesn’t think I’m weird at home.

I’m pretty sure this is what older siblings are for sharing music and teaching you the ropes to life and giving advice.

Jonathan also said damn goin to school

Lonnie still hasn’t made an appearance and his youngest son has been seen in 2-3 days he ain’t even called Joyce back and he knows that he’s missing and that there’s been full on search party and he’s been AWOL this whole time.

Where the hell did they find a Pinto? Joyce is kind of a boss she got a phone and a pack of camels for free and two weeks pay in advance.

Am I trippin or did the news call the power company a completely different name? If they did who are The Bad Men supposed to be pretending to be? I wonder why Hop didn’t notice the goop on the wood.

I need to know how them getting 3rd in the science fair was political what was their project? How does she know? It’s almost like she was about to start hyperventilating did she see him in her sleep because as much as the Demogorgon scared her I can’t imagine her looking for him on purpose. Was the baby not strapped into her car seat because Mikes mom got into the house way too fast.

I feel like Hop should be concerned that one of his officers was gullible enough to believe that anybody could survive that drop into cement I mean water.

Man these govt people suck Justice for Benny.

Lonnie doesn’t have a single picture of his kids in that house if he did his girlfriend would know who Jonathan is.

Shout out to Dustin for picking up on keywords like ‘Danger’ and El is racking up favorite character points with the double door slam topped off with the locked door El is in the lead as my favorite 2nd is a three way tie between Joyce Mike and Dustin.

Lonnie won’t be getting father of the year anytime soon but his car is sick 1972 Oldsmobile 442 I ain’t mad at it at all. I don’t know why people in small towns swear that people in the city are more ‘real’ you have bullshitters everywhere Lonnie should know he was fake In Hawkins and the only thing that changed was his address and the car he drives.

Barb wasn’t invited to the ‘party’ (double date) and Nancy knows this Steve said do you wanna come to my house not you guys y’all or any other variation. Nancy begging her to go and using Wills vigil as her suggested excuse says a hell of a lot about her character she knows that it’s only supposed to be the four of them because again this is a double date her making Barb be the 5th wheel so she would feel better sucks.

Mike choking on his milk cause he sees El coming down the stairs followed by Dustin’s ‘spasm is still funny but Nancy using Wills Vigil to sneak to see her boyfriend still rubs me the wrong way.

And that torn piece of El’s gown makes its appearance good eye Mr. Clarke.

The boys use so many words she doesn’t know I wonder how lost in conversation she was in the beginning. Dustin looked so grossed out by the spit swear part and I don’t blame him. El looked super suspicious of what Mike was saying about friends telling each other things that parents don’t know.

Parking 3 blocks away is a little excessive. Barb really should’ve just dropped her off and went home. Nancy should know her best friend well enough to know that parties aren’t her thing. Nancy likes to play stupid but she’s not she should’ve just gone by herself there’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with the guy that you like but dragging your friend along is unnecessary.

Ew Hop wears tighty whiteys wait who is that lady? So I have the subtitles on and they say her name is Sandra still don’t know who she is but at least we got a name.

El’s powers are crazy strong no wonder they want her back so badly she touches the D&D board closes her eyes for a second and knows which piece is Wills. Dustin is in the drama club? I wonder if he is a lighting and sound guy. You can tell that shit just got real to these kids.

Quick question how close do the Byers live to Steve? I mean for Jonathan to hear Carol scream it’s gotta be pretty close maybe Will had to run way farther than I originally thought. Everything about Barb screams ‘I don’t wanna be here’ shorty still has her coat on she looks extra uncomfortable you can tell this isn’t her thing Barb is a better friend than Nancy deserves. She cut her hand trying to shotgun a beer to make Nancy happy and when she goes inside looking for bandages Nancy doesn’t help she stays outside and plays with her not boyfriend and his ‘friends’ There’s a strong ass lesson about peer pressure wrapped around these five. Jonathan has gotta know that this is creepy I mean he’s hiding behind a bush damn near frantically taking pictures of the popular kids having fun how’d he switch so fast from looking for his brother to this weird shit?

This is the 2nd phone Will burnt up tryna call home man they are $30 a piece man we need a better communication attempt. Ask and ye shall receive sidenote I really do like this song I wanna learn to play the intro where is the dog I know the Demogorgon didn’t eat him but he just disappears. I feel bad for Joyce she’s always alone when the weird shit happens because the Demogorgon coming out the wall like that was some scary shit and nobody but us saw it. That’s how you know she ain’t worried about somebody running off with her whip Joyce has the doors unlocked the windows rolled down with the keys in the visor.

I don’t understand why she begged Barb to go to this thing if she was gonna have sex with Steve anyway and then talking about go home how Nancy she’s supposed to be spending the night at your house to help cover the truth about what’s going on. And Barb being half stubborn half a good friend goes down to the pool to wait for her friend to finish losing her virginity so they can go Barb should’ve gone home and ignored Nancy the next day at school. How did Jonathan not hear The Demogorgon growling or Barb scream and he was what 30 ft from the pool?

#JusticeforBenny #JusticeforBarb #stranger things #Stranger Things #StrangerThings1 #Stranger Things Season One #The Weirdo on Maple Street

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hollenka99 · 5 years

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The Captor

Summary: Basically the part with Anti from The Hero because it’s his birthday and maybe you don’t want to scroll halfway through a 9.5k fic to read this bit. Also because I wasn’t able to finish the fic I was planning to post today.

Warnings: Torture, gore, implied mouth gore, kidnapping, starvation, dehydration, loss of identity, poisoning, implied/referenced vomiting, major character death

His mistake is going on patrol while disgruntled. Finding himself aimlessly marching around the streets of Athlone, his senses are go haywire. Because of course he can't catch a break tonight. Usually, he's hyper aware of every person near him. It is a good way of keeping him alert in the presence of danger. It's far easier to win fights if he can tell a perpetrator is about to attack him from behind.

At least, that was how it was meant to work in theory. It had acted in his favour in the past. Unfortunately, it had to fail him at some point. He blames the demon's insistence on disorienting him. It's not a difficult feat. Antisepticeye only has to glitch to a new position several times. Constantly being plagued by white noise and taste of metal in the air doesn't aid him either.

Jackie begins the fight at a disadvantage. He struggles to make up for it. Attacks fail to land. He thinks he breaks Anti's jaw but it glitches back into position so quickly that he can't tell. It's over when a jolting touch throws his body in a fit of pins and needles. He should have taken a moment to admire the sun earlier that day. He's not going to see it again for a while.

His new room is far removed from the one at home. With nothing but four walls and a door, it is devoid of light. The only source of it comes from a ceiling lamp. There's no furniture, not even a crude excuse for a bed. Time doesn't exist when he's here alone. It is measured in Anti's company and the absence of it.

Jackie's a fairly quick learner. When the lamp is lit, he is being paid a visit. Sometimes Anti won't bother with the light at all. There are still ways of detecting his presence. Food and drink will come whenever Anti feels like providing him with it. Once the demon takes advantage of his age, there are more rules. He is to be referred to as 'Sir' and Jackie is simply a boy. If he pretends to genuinely follow through with it, he can bide his time.

He spots an opportunity to escape when Anti leaves him be for a while. All it takes is a well placed blow to the door for his strength to free him from the room. His legs are in serious need of regaining their previous skill. He makes a dash for it, nothing to lose. It's only a matter of working out where the exit is. Regardless of left or right, static is everywhere he turns. It grows louder to a disorientating degree. It deafens. His hood is the thing to doom him. One grab and he's being hauled back to square one.

"You call that an escape? Pathetic."

The violent crack of his left leg leaves it undoubtedly fractured. The damage is duplicated on his right for good measure. He's questioned on which bone has been targeted, formal name necessary. Oh, how is he supposed to know? Radius? That was a major limb bone. Anti promises that's the next one to go if he remains this ignorant.

His lack of medical expertise is what truly ruins his legs in the end. Being forced to set the bones himself is bad enough. Not having any doctor present makes it worse. Having been allowed a chance to inspect the injury, he finds it's worse than his shin. It's his knees that are beginning to swell.

To his arm's fortune, Anti generously dedicates himself to providing Jackie with an education. His lessons begin with Biology but that is swiftly rectified to involve more Science and History. Soon, it will be any subject Anti finds relevant.

As often as he can, Jackie talks back, mocking Anti's efforts to hurt him. He can take away everything he's known, isolate him in darkness and make him silently dream of freedom. Jackie can handle that. All he has to do is survive until his friends come or he feels capable of making another escape attempt. Jack, Marvin and Schneeplestein must be searching for him, right? They probably have little to go on but he knows they care enough to try whatever method available. So he fights back however he can.

Then he takes it too far. Then he uncovers Anti's bad side. The demon is naturally cruel but he's patient. You do not want to see him furious. Jackie regrets learning that the hard way. The first few apologizes that leave his lips as his head is pinned to the floor aren't entirely sincere. He's not sorry for what he said. He's just sorry he triggered action. His sincerity increases when the needle's first piercing of his lips is felt. It is only a matter of minutes before he stops speaking altogether. For good measure, he temporarily loses the privilege of free movement around the room.

Anti visits an eternity later, acting resentful that Jackie needs water to stay alive. His blinks are dazed when a knife frees him. His captor comments on how pathetic he looks as he gulps the contents of the bottle provided. He probably does but who cares. He's been dying for a drink for who knows how long. Presumably literally, when his mind focuses enough to reflect on it.

This may be the first time but it won't be the last. He certainly makes an effort to reduce the frequency from then on.

December is ushered in with chocolate. Jackie doesn't care about the tradition of advent calendars. They're for children, which he isn't, and he doesn't appreciate the way Anti explains them like they haven't been lurking in shops since before Halloween either. If he can predict the demon's way of thinking like he hopes he can, he believes he knows where this is going.

He's correct in his predictions. It is a month of stomach cramps, helplessly being revisited by the little he ate and fevers. He refuses as many meals as he can get away with. Other times, he gives in and eats for the sake of having something in his stomach. Maybe his mind is working overtime to be suspicious of everything but he swears Anti increases the dosage for days Jackie's stomach speaks for him.

Anti introduces him to a seasonally appropriate song. It's gentle enough to lull an exhausted person to sleep if they let their guard down. He doesn't fall for the trap. He should have, it probably would have been the only time the song would have positive connotations. All is not calm when it plays. Out of spite, he remains silent as the night.

Anti hands him a present on what he claims is Christmas Day. It's a cake filled with berries and decorated with seeds wrapped in leaves. No matter how much he wants to tell the demon where he could put the 'gift', he can't escape the truth. Jackie hasn't eaten in days, which is exactly what the manipulative bastard must have planned. Survival is survival, even if the negative consequences outweigh the positive. Food that will upset his stomach is better than no food.

He doesn't realise how counterproductive that is until the symptoms hit him. His heart needs to chill out already and it would be great if he had better control of his muscles too. He swears he'll catch his breath any minute now. Just as soon as his chest stops hurting. Something at the back of his mind is uncomfortable with the plan to sleep it off but he wants a break. This has been a particularly rough round. He deserves to allow himself a rest, right?

When he wakes, his muscles feel stiffer. His body feels more drained that he's used to in general. He learns about yew trees, of how pretty much everything but the flesh of its berries is toxic. How, if left untreated, it tended to prove fatal within hours. Things fall into place. He wonders how long Anti just left him there. He promises himself he'll toss the next meal he's given to the other side of the room. Maybe shove a few yew seeds into the demon's mouth and see how he likes it.

His friends are coming soon. It's been nearly two months but they must still be trying to work things out. If they took a break from searching for the holidays, he doesn't mind. He hopes the four of them enjoyed themselves. With any luck, he'll be witnessing what a proper Christmas is supposed to look like next year. He pictures it. It's better than dwelling on the truth of last few days. That would just drive him crazy. One thing's for sure, they are never learning of what his first experience of the holiday was like.

The second Anti realises he can exploit Jackie's naturally heightened senses, the hero is sent to another room. He despises the way his ears uselessly strain to hear anything. It's darker than what he's gotten used to as well. Left long enough, his head begins working against him. It's not real, what he sees, of course it isn't. He is once forgotten about for so long that he swears Marvin bursts the door open so Jack can tell him it's going to be okay as Dr Schneeplestein checks him over. He's so tempted to leave with them but it can't be reality. Anti wouldn't let them get that far.

It is unbearably satisfying to win a victory against his captor when he stumbles upon a loophole. He sings the song he and Jack had made inside jokes out of. It annoys Anti enough for him to deliver consequences. He may be robbed of his ability to see and to have anything to listen to but it's impossible to steal his sense of touch. There was always the option of destroying all neural connections but what use would the boy be then? None. He can feel the strings attached to his mouth and he can still feel pain. It's not a good victory in regular terms but any victory against Anti is a good one is Jackie's eyes.

He learns Spring is approaching when Anti mentions Easter. That was always in Spring, right? Christmas was always in December and that had passed. It must be after New Year's Day now, in the very least. The demon began speaking of how religious the Irish were and briefly explains Lent.

Jackie doesn't like the sound of fasting.

The Wednesday associated with ashes deprives him of any necessity. Then, to his absolute shock, the demon hands him a glass of water. It's a regular sized glass too. He is far from trusting of it at first. Given everything that's happened to him, he has every right to be wary. He only drinks it to get this bout of poisoning over. Perhaps he can power through it long enough this time to deny Anti the satisfaction of watching him suffer. However, hours pass and nothing happens. Nothing continues to happen as he accepts the single daily glass of fresh water offered to him throughout the week.

There is a catch, of course. The privilege of routinely quenching his thirst comes at the price of food. He is fasting after all, Anti reasons. Fasting was about endurance. Jackie couldn't be a hero if he was unable to endure, especially in challenging situations.

If he's going to be honest, the starvation wouldn't be too much of a problem. He's gone days without food before. Once the actual sensation of hunger disappears, it's manageable. He could do this. Water must keep people going in famines. Who's to say it wouldn't sustain him too?

Two more conditions are established. Being charitable, better known as giving alms, would manifest itself in utter obedience. After all, it was about time Jackie learned defiance was completely pointless. Additionally, while Anti didn't expect him to pray, he did assure him certain outbursts were even more encouraged than usual. Should Jackie wish to beg, call for the others to save him or confess his transgressions against his captor, Anti was welcome to hear it all.

Even if there was a way to observe the passage of time here, he would have rapidly lost count of the days. He can however measure the decline into chronic fatigue. His lessons carried on as normal, including Physical Education. One missed punch soon turns into several failed attempts until it was general lack of co-ordination. Every hit Anti lands becomes more successful in sending him to the ground. No matter how many times it happens, no matter how much effort it takes to do so, Jackie returns to his feet.

There comes a day when he experiences sudden dizziness, despite laying on the ground. Anti's nearby, his senses are sure of it. For that moment, he continued to rest on his back. If he was being allowed the luxury, he wasn't going to squander it. Even if that meant he risked further repercussions. Besides, his chest didn't feel right. Without warning, he blacks out.

Jackie wakes to Anti closer, practically seated next to him. The unbearable weariness of resurrection informs him of the unfortunate nature of his spontaneous 'nap'. The boy shifts the slightest amount. His captor immediately looms over him.

"32 days." The glitching demon looks thoughtful for all of half a second. His cruel grin takes pride in his next words. "Pathetic. Most can make it to 50 days. There are some who can reach over 70. But here you are, pretending to be a hero, unable to survive even 5 weeks. A real hero would last long enough to break the record of 116 days. You barely achieved a quarter of that. What kind of hero are you?"

The following two weeks proceed the same as the previous five. Living in anticipation of water, fainting unexpectedly and being revived. He doesn't understand what makes the Friday so good when it steals his hydration benefits. Two glasses of water later, Anti is proud of him.

Upon being congratulated, Jackie comes to the realisation it was over. Had he done it? He had! Oh, thank God. He was doubtful of how much longer he could endure the cycle. The praise disorientates him.

Even more confusing is the glitch presenting him with his prize. A small creature is placed on his lap. The fur is nice to touch, steady breaths are felt when he holds a hand in front of what he can only assume is its face and the ears are longer than he was anticipating. A rabbit, it was a rabbit. Sure, he was vaguely aware the animal was associated with the holiday but... he hadn't been prepared for a rabbit.

Against the boy's better judgement, he succumbs to the temptation of making the most of his reward. He had to admit, Anti didn't have to supply the water or gift him the animal. Part of him reasons it would be rude to ignore his captor's attempts to be civil. He cherishes the soft fur, desperately staying awake for as long as he can with it. He's not stupid enough to believe this is permanent. He fights the pulls of drowsiness, rabbit clutched to his chest. Ultimately, despite his best efforts, he is too weak to oppose his body. He wakes to his comfort gone.

Anti returns it by unceremoniously tossing it before him, sticky and unnaturally stiff. It's eventually removed when he refuses to interact with the corpse. The boy is not surprised when he is given food with an unspecified meat. He's not stupid. Of course it's what he thinks it is. Why should he eat anything with meat? In fact, why should he eat anything Anti provides him in future? All this fasting had taught him was he could live without food. Of course, he'd be constantly tired and unable to really put up much of a fight. The point was he could die and wake up, over and over, until Anti got bored. The demon takes notice.

"You're so smart, aren't you? A clever little boy." Anti stops stroking his hair to grasp it. His smile fades as abruptly. "But no-one likes a know-it-all."

He gets his comeuppance. He supposes he deserves it for trying to outsmart Anti.

The boy doesn't understand what he's watching when shown footage of the house. It's Jack and Marvin with an ego he doesn't recognise. They're all just... sitting there, watching something on TV and being friendly with each other. Which is fine. He's not expecting them to spend every second of the day looking for him. Come on, he's not selfish. For all he knows, they're just taking their mind off what they hope isn't happening to their friend. It's probably fake anyway. That's what Anti does, he gets a kick out of screwing with his head.

The new guy's name is Chase Brody. Good for him. What does he care? It isn't like Sean had to deliberately choose to make Chase. While the boy has been here. For at least five months. Possibly six. Possibly so much longer.

He calls Anti a glitchy bastard to his face. Screw him for trying to convince him he's been forgotten about. It throws him for a loop when nothing happens. Perhaps the satisfaction of his student's reaction is enough of a reward. Well, congratulations, he got what he wanted. But the others are coming. They'll work out how to find him eventually. They have to. The boy can't exactly make a run for it himself, thanks to his knees. That was the whole goddamn point of ruining them. Maybe they're close to cracking it. Maybe Chase has some expertise that can help them. Chase, who is definitely not his replacement. Why on earth would he think that?

His birthday comes, bursting with celebratory activities. Seventeen to be exact. Anything he's dealt with since arriving is eligible to be repeated. He is presented with an exam to acknowledge the academic year drawing to a close. If he got a question wrong, there was an appropriate penalty. The cake is no prize for completing the test and neither is a trip to his 'favourite' room. He'd like to insist Anti really didn't have to reverse the treatment so the boy was bombarded.

Amongst other things, he is bestowed the privilege of a hot shower. He doesn't dare admit he prefers shivering until he feels queasy. Why should he complain? Anti was acting nice for his birthday. So what if his shoulders and arms turned pink? He probably deserved it for being ungrateful enough to desire heat those previous times.

There comes a period where Anti is gone for far longer than usual. He wants to believe it's been days but time is a strange concept by now. So much so that he could either be told it had only been an hour or it was nearly December again and he'd believe both statements. Regardless of how long Anti had been gone, the boy was alone.

As usual, being left in silence is hell on his senses. He would kill for an incessantly ticking clock, just to have some relief. The only thing he can pick up is someone else's voice. It's deeper than his so it couldn't be Anti's. Much to his ears' annoyance, he strains them further to solve the mystery of who the voice belonged to. His mouth goes dry when he catches a German accent.

Now he knew Dr Schneeplestein was here, he couldn't let him stay as long as he had. With only himself to save, he'd become a little complacent. However, Anti had to rest at some point. He decides to take advantage of that time. He gets as far as reaching for the sleeping doctor's shoulders before the sound of static causes him to flinch.

"I thought you were a clever boy. But it looks I can't trust you to behave."

Anti drags him back to the room he hates the most. His captor's sigh is the worst sound he could hear in this context. If the boy couldn't do as he was told, there was no choice but to take better precautions to ensure this was an isolated event. Whatever he's expecting, it's not slit ankles. When Anti leaves, he tests his legs. Neither foot can push off the ground to perform even the simplest step. None of his bones are broken. That said, he could sense a certain disconnect in the joint.

The boy is promised he can be redeemed if he participates in some birthday celebrations. The next ego to appear after him was... Marvin. Shit, what was Anti doing with Marvin? Were he and the doctor not enough? He asks if the other person will be harmed. At confirmation they won't, he accepts the offer. It turns out to be a standard Biology lesson. Anti apologizes for not preparing properly. While it was customary to use say, a frog, one wasn't available. Time was too short to rectify the oversight. He had been planning to use a cadaver so they would have to do without other now-necessary equipment. The shrug is casual but the scalpel begs to differ.

Anti takes his time. It takes everything not to give him a response. Focus on believing in Steve and maybe it will stop soon. Breathe slower and maybe it will become slow enough so he won't have to for a while. Ignore everything Anti shows him and maybe he'll give up. He's never been so thankful for the off switch being flicked. Once conscious again, he is positioned in a way that suggests he was thrown and abandoned. His torso aches from incisions. His insides feel wrong and misaligned somehow.

It's the final straw. The boy can't let Anti keep abusing him like this. Somehow he's got to escape without the demon being alerted. The best time to evade detection is when he's occupied with someone else. Which means he has to sacrifice either Marvin or Schneeplestein. He'll be back for them, he swears.

It happens to be the doctor he has to use as the distraction. As soon as he lasers a hole in the door, he searches for Marvin while he has the opportunity. The magician cannot be found. Regrettably, he has to postpone Marvin's salvation too. He's so sorry. He's not a hero, however much he liked to play the part before all this. The consequences of waiting any longer aren't worth it. Anti would probably resort to amputation or something similar if he didn't leave right now.

The first breath of fresh air he takes in months mocks him. So does the realisation that the sun isn't a theoretical concept. He's never seen a sunrise so insultingly gorgeous. Never mind all the things the boy took for granted. He has to get home. He has to save Marvin and Schneeplestein, even if it means exchanging himself for their guaranteed safe return.

#creator au #writersofjack #antisepticeye #jackieboy man #tw torture #tw gore #tw kidnapping #tw emetophobia #tw vomiting mention #tw poisoning #tw violence #tw temporary major character death #tw major character death #the hero

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lantilay-blog · 5 years

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Title:Is it over yet?

(*Warning*dealing with drugs and mental health)

Look I didn’t want to be here, I don’t wanna wind up on the news. “Caucasion boy found half dead on an alleyway.”I swear if you're reading this and your thinking about it, I swear dude I will beat your ass myself. Be an idiot and die or don’t be an idiot like yours truly, and go to school gosh darnit

Being someone like me sucks, and why would you want to be me?

My name is Dravite Russo and I live in Memphis Tennessee (TE) Probably on the ranking for most dangerous cities. The part of Memphis I live in, Beale street isn’t particularly the worst of the entire city but you know...I moved here a couple years ago when I was about 9-years old and I left a lot of family and friends behind that I cared for deeply. I knew I couldn't be sad about leaving some and forgetting some so... I had to change my attitude quickly and forget about it like it was nothing.

New town means new school! I went to Peabody Elementary School and the first week of school was actually pretty laid back. Teachers acted chill too and it meant a non-stressful year for me. I was a top A student and people at my old school wouldn't talk to me because of it. They thought I was too smart for them, basically snobby I guess.Your probably thinking I was lonely, but actually no. I was so occupied with school and the work that comes with it, that I almosted didn't have time for mutual talking or hanging and even taking a minute out my day to breathe. Feelings and expression and even talking to classmates didn't happen.

I was basically a walking school and ate all the teachers. Looking back now I think I wanted to know everything in order to be enough, but see the problem is that nobody knows everything. What was even the point? There’s a lot of parents who see that their child got an 80 and still aren't happy. My parents never missed a chance to say “good job” or even rewarding me with something. Apparently it wasn't enough, I guess I don't want attention, I just wanted to get the work done and graded and move to the next one.

I couldn’t even tell you what made me so insecure about how people viewed me. It's really confusing because I didn't care what people said or how they looked me up and down in the hallways. Future me sees a big insecure kid wanting attention and recognition but also not wanting it at all.Or to even cause the slightest bit of trouble. I felt like a nobody without my knowledge and school in general.

When I went home I’d study till I passed out and for homework I knew the answers were right but I made sure I looked it up in textbooks and looked it up online just in case. Then I’d do an additional practice and then get on with my night at this point… I could have been a prodigy but the sound of skipping grades to be put in higher classes just because I was smart wasn't really gonna work out for me.

I wanted to be able to work hard for those grades and also feel like I did work my ass off. Even if I understood something I wanted to understand it more and more.

When middle school came along, everything changed. I started staying up later because I had a lot more homework and tests to study for. I started to even join some after school activities like newspaper and yearbook club. I started worrying about my grades even though they were good, I still felt nervous somehow. I was starting to get overwhelmed, or impatient that my grades haven’t been updated.

I was in my 8th grade year and still haven't made a single friend. Getting up each day felt worse than the next and not getting enough sleep was because of it. I almost felt like I was falling behind even though my grades again were good. I really felt forced to be productive even though I was the main source causing me to and feel.

I've started to feel stressed and very scared for the future. I kept thinking what would have been the point if none of my time and effort got me a good job or got me in a good college first of all. I thought I wasn't even gonna be good enough after all this. I might have just been in the 8th grade but time was already moving without me so I had to catch up. I’m already lost and pretending not to be.

Then comes highschool. Highschool is… a very interesting place, for many and just overall something. Highschool is one of the most important times for you. It's time to really pay attention and actually do your homework and study till you pass out once again. It might not be college but it's almost like a preparation for you to get ready.

High School was really hard for me believe it or not. Your over productive kid that never chills out says

“ he has a hard time.’’ I know how it sounds but hear me out please…

August 7th 2015, 4 years ago, I was a 16 year old junior going to Central High school. I was in my AP Physics C class and I’m called down to the office. When I get down to the office, one of the principles directs me towards the back to her room. She told me to sit down and before she speaks, she takes a deep breath and w hen she closed her mouth to finish and opens it again to say “I’m sorry,” I think I zoned out for a minute and almost vomit.

I remember not being able to speak, but all I heard her say was, “dead, family.” mom, sister and my dad, had been in a car accident and ended up dying in the hospital nearby. I never thought this… or something like this would happen to me. I remember thinking I worked so hard just to be disappointed. I was thinking now there gonna send me to an orphanage and forget this ever happened.

One of the teachers had to take me to see seem them. I appreciate the one teacher, Misses. Roxxnne for taking time out of her job to take me to see my family. She was actually one of those teachers that didn't treat you just like a student. When we got to the hospital I remember feeling some anxiety and having to force myself through the slide doors. They told us which room each of them were in and we visited them one by one.

Each bruise, cut and wound was hard to look at. Maybe it would of been a lot different if they were actually alive but there not. There... dead and didn't take me with them or why couldn't it just be me with my selfish longing for attention. I tried to hold myself together for Misses.Roxann but once I seen my little sister I just broke down. I never felt this hurt, betrayed, and lost before, makes me wonder how am I supposed to even feel sometimes...Now that I have no family I’m an orphan now. Will wait for years just to be disappointed again. I don’t want a new family, I want my family. I've already seen reality and I know I won't ever get them back and surely if I want a new family it won't be anytime soon.

Nobodys gonna even want a 16 year old. They'll want the younger kids. They have more years with the younger ones so it makes sense. Where Would I go anyway. .It’s not like I can go anywhere so I guess home sweet home...

Let me reintroduce myself. I’m Dravite Russo, I’m 20 years old and have a drug addiction.

Later in school when my addiction started I never paid attention, “class what does not paying attention result to” failing your tests or just in generel not having a fucking clue what’s happening! Come on it’s not that difficult, it especially shouldn't be difficult when teachers offered candy for whoever had that right answer…

I ended up dropping out my junior year when this all happened. I didn't have a lot of family around where I lived so I was forced to live at a good for nothing orphanage. A lot of people think that will have a better life there, but you don’t. You either got a chance to miss your family or missing the fact you never had one. when we do find the one it's certainly not going to be any time soon, like I said.

Throughout highschool and growing up and going through it and all that shit you know. I was really lost and felt lonely and when I found drugs… It really did change my life in a negative and positive way, believe it or not

LDS, Lysergic acid dieth ...something like that but for short acid. What it effects are thoughts, feelings and awareness of surroundings. You hear and see crap that’s not there apparently. See having a high person such as myself try and explain what they're high on isn’t the wisest choice. I mean I know what I’m taking but also don’t really care.

You're probably wondering why I didn't want to wound up on the news dead... Earlier today I decided to walk to the gas station near my aparment and before going I took 4 sheets of LSD. If you want to get to the gas station there's an alley you walk through or drive through. I was about to be right by the store and I immediately fall to the ground. Tears and the acid coming out of my mouth and nose, coughing and choking on my own doing. I couldnt breath, my heart was jumping out of my chest. I really thought I was gonna freaking die and I wasn't damn near ready to die yet.

I’m in the hospital now and a couple of investigators and police people dudes informed me that I won't be charged but will have to go to rehab obviously… When I got to my room I really pondered for a moment about everything. I didn't wanna come out of rehab and do the same shit again so i'll make it my goal. I have to pledge to become free of drugs. To be free from toxic things.

Police report: 8/10/19, Caucasion boy was investigated and was found addicted to LDS and was found in an alleyway found half dead. He was later sent to a hospital and treated and was free from any charges. He was sent to rehab after a week from being in the hospital.8/16/19, 0800 (8:00 am) Dravite Russo was found dead faced down in his bathtub and was assumed to have taken sleeping pills on the side of the tub and a few on the floor. He was prosomed to die at 0300 (3:00 am) hours. in the morning.

Please give me some opinions and critical comments I’d really appreciate it!

#creativewriters #creative wrting #creative #writing #mental health #life #realism #art #short story

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sleepyreddie · 6 years

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A War Within Us - Avengers x Reader - INTRODUCTION

Series Summary: How will Y/N Y/L/N, the youngest avenger, handle the war that breaks out within her own team? Which side will she choose, and will it be the right one?

A/N: I haven’t posted in so long, dear god. ANYways - this is a writing piece based off “Civil War ‘ That I’’ve had for so damn long, and I finally decided to post! It’s basically “Civil War”, dialogue and plot, but with the reader, and a few minor changes and conflicts. This has been written as a MULTI PART SERIES, and if you want the other parts to be posted, leave a comment so I know people are interested! (If the other parts are posted, it may become a PETER PARKER X READER! Thats how I wrote it, but I’m still on the fence)

Pairing(s): Avengers x Reader (possible, eventual Peter Parker x Reader)

Word Count: 4505

Warnings:

combat and violence (I guess? Fighting)

I think maybe ONE swear word

(Another A/N: Any dialogue in bold is coming through an earpiece or comm).

Chapter Summary: A regular day in the crowded streets of Lagos. People walk through the marketplaces, going about their days. Carts and feet kick up dust from the road, the sound of chatter filling the air. Who would suspect some of the worlds most powerful superheros to be sitting in a run down coffee shop in pursuit of one of the most dangerous criminals?

- - -

“All right, what do you see?”

A voice came through the comm in your ear. More specifically, the voice of Steve Rogers, who you last saw in an abandoned apartment across the street. You took a sip of your coffee, placing the cup down on the table in front of you before returning your eyes to your phone.

“Standard beat cops”. You muttered, making sure your head was low. “Small station. Busy street. It's a good target”

“There's an ATM on the south corner, which means?”

“Cameras”.

You looked up, glancing out of the bay window that you sat in front of in a comfortable armchair in a small coffee shop. The crowded bustle of the street was overwhelming compared to the quiet atmosphere in the shop. “Both cross streets are one-way. So, compromised escape routes. Means our guy doesn't care about being seen.”

“He isn't afraid to make a mess on the way out”. Natasha said, her figure reflected in the glass behind you. She was sitting a few tables down, her appearance disguised by a dark pair of sunglasses and a baseball hat. She brought her mug to her lips every time she spoke to avoid being noticed by the couple that had sat down right next to her.

“You see that Range Rover halfway up the block?”

“Yeah, the red one?” You asked, mimicking Natasha and bringing your cup to your lips as you had accidentally caught the attention of an older woman sitting at the table two over. “It's cute”.

“It's also bulletproof, which means private security…”

You cut Steve off before he could finish. “Which means more guns, which means more headaches for somebody”. You sighed. “Probably us”.

“You guys know I can move things with my mind, right?” Wanda said, your eyes landing on her a few tables down from you.

“Looking over your shoulder needs to become second nature”. Natasha said.

“Anybody ever tell you you're a little paranoid?” Sam asked, the sound of the wind prominent through his comm. You could imagine him standing on top of one of the concrete buildings, looking down at the busy streets below him.

“Not to my face.” Natasha quipped back. “Why? Did you hear something?”

“Eyes on target, folks.” Steve said, stopping Natasha and Sam from continuing. “This is the best lead we've had on Rumlow in six months. I don't want to lose him”.

“If he sees us coming, that won't be a problem”. Sam said, and you could hear his gear click and adjust through his comm as he moved. “He kind of hates us”.

You let out a small laugh, masking it with a cough. After a few moments, you looked back up, staring aimlessly at the road below you. It seemed like a normal street, bustling with crowds and people attempting to drive bikes and push carts. Your eyes caught something out of place; a large, rusty garbage truck. It was the only vehicle you had seen even attempt to get down the street.

“Sam… see that garbage truck?” You asked, the truck heading slowly down the crowded street in front of you. “Tag it”.

You heard the man mumble something in agreement, before you saw his shadow fly past on the building across the street.

“Done.”

“Give me X-ray”. You mumbled, and your phone screen lit up for real. The tag was placed underneath the truck, giving you a perfect 360 view of the inside. You observed every detail that could be observed.

You loved your job. Your abilities were all cognitive, your brain almost 100 times more advanced than the average humans. You had been in an accident when you were a baby, your parents car being hit head on by one that was carrying some type of hazardous material in an attempt to eliminate your family. Your parent were allies to the Starks and their superhero allies, part of their plans to take down many of the dangerous organizations.

That’s what did it, you walking away, surprisingly physically unharmed, your parents dying in the crash. With no other family, the Avengers took you in, knowing that the accident and exposure to the toxic material would most definitely have some sort of effect on you.

“That truck's loaded for max weight. Four armed guards in the back, and the driver's armed”. You paused, realizing the unusually heavy protection the guards were wearing. You noted the speed of the truck gradually pick up, and began calculating the possible incomes. “40 mph, 43, 45, 47, a street with, 768 people on it, heading southwest towards the -” You realized the truck was driving increasingly fast down the road that ended with a building, and it didn't look like it had any plans to slow down until it hit something. “It's a battering ram. Go now”.

“What?” Steve asked, concern and confusion evident in his tone.

You stood up from your table, placing your phone to your ear so it didn’t look like you were talking to yourself. As you reached the door, you saw Natasha stand up as well, Wanda paying her bill. “He's not hitting the police. Body armour, AR-15s”.

Sure enough, a loud crash could be heard, and in the distance you saw a large cloud of smoke. You maneuvered your way through the crowd, eventually reaching the remains of the concrete entrance to the building lying in a large pile. You slipped through the dust and commotion, hiding behind one of the larger trucks.

You exhaled, before feeling your body begin to numb.

Situations like these were when you were grateful to have the power of shapeshifting. Another affect of the accident. Whatever hazardous material that you were exposed to, not only enhanced your brain, but gave you actual superpowers. You discovered this by accident, little by little. One day you would wake up and swear your hair was lighter, or shorter. Or that your eyes hadn't looked that green the day before. It was only when you were flipping through a magazine, fantasizing about what it would be like to have red hair, that you glanced up to your vanity mirror, eyes going wide at the sudden appearance of your hair.

It was red.

After that, you started to experiment, seeing if you were going crazy, or if you could actually change what you looked like. And little by little, with the help of the Avengers, you got it under control, being able to change into whoever you wanted at your will, eventually becoming one of the strongest members of the team.

In this case, and current situation, It meant less hassle for you, and more time to focus on the task at hand instead of focusing on not being shot at by the guards. Soon enough, you felt completely different, your body covered with the armor the soldiers around you wore. You were suddenly taller, stronger, and holding a large assault rifle.

You soon realized that the Avengers, if they came in contact with you, most likely wouldn't realize who you were, which most likely end in a good beating.

You scanned for a way to reach the high ground, doing your calculations as the stairs had been destroyed when a bullet flew past your ear. You turned to where it had come from, coming face to face with an armed guard, bullets flying out of his gun. You suddenly realized you had to do the same thing.

“I make seven hostiles”.

Sam’s shadow flew overhead towards the overhang walkway, bullets firing through the air. “I make five”.

You loaded your gun, holding it and beginning to jog through the lines of fire, bullets ricocheting off your armour. You saw Steve fighting off multiple guards near the entrance, and you broke into a faster pace towards him.

As soon as you got closer, you started firing, hitting four of the seven or so guards that surrounded the Captain. As they fell to the ground, him and the other guards looked at you completely confused, and you shrugged, still holding the gun.

“Guess I missed.”

You swung the gun forward, the barrel knocking one of the guards down, and in the split second the others weren’t paying attention, Steve threw his shield, knocking them into a pile on the ground. The shield flew a couple hundred feet away from him, before returning to his hand like a boomerang with a metallic echo.

With no hesitation, he turned on you, and before you could even process what was going on, the vibranium object came flying at your face. You remembered in the millisecond before it sliced your head off, that you had forgotten to mention your change of appearance. However, you caught it with ease, the edge of the shield so close to your face it made you go cross eyed.

Another upside of being a young, female avenger - You had Natasha as your largest influencer, and she taught you everything you had to know, from physical combat to how to ride motorcycles.

You saw the Captain begin to advance towards you, but you held firmly onto the shield, pressing the button in the middle of the armour to deploy the mask around your face. You dropped the gun so you could wipe away a bead of sweat on your forehead.

“Yeah, hi.” You said, throwing the shield back to the Captain. He caught it, his face full of exasperation as he realized what had just happened. You took a couple of deep breaths. “Do you think you could throw that, like, 45 degrees in the air, that way?” You asked, motioning from the shield to where Sam fought off guards on the overhang platform.

“Got it.” he said, breaking off into a backwards jog. “But next time, maybe tell me what you look like so I don't almost slice your head off.” He pulled his arm back, getting ready to throw the shield as you broke into a run.

“It’s more fun this way!” You yelled back, watching a blur of red, blue and white shoot past you. As it reached ten or so feet away from you, you jumped up, landing firmly on the face of the shield. Your armor disappeared in mid air as you focused on the angle needed to make the landing, returning to your regular clothes. Almost as soon as your feet touched the shield, you jumped again, using the momentum to push you up, through the air, and onto the walkway, where you landed with a somersault.

The shield flew up and over your head as you straightened up, and you caught it with a large force that almost threw you off balance.

“Sam”. You called, the man turning around at his name, “Duck.”

You threw the shield just as he ducked, knocking the rest of the soldiers he had been fighting off of the walkway platform and onto the gravel below. The shield flew back to you, and you quickly scanned the battlefield before launching it back to Steve, hitting a few more guards on the way.

“Four”. Sam spoke into his comm, causing you to let out a breathy laugh.

“Technically, I think I should get credit for those.” You said, wiping the dust off of your pants.

“Well, your a kid, and people don't listen to kids, so the records will show those four went to me.”

“Are you kidding?” You asked, turning towards the large building as the man continued to keep watch over the walkway. “Can I get heat signatures at 10%?”

Your eyepiece, your personal favourite piece of equipment you got to use, began to whir. After a few seconds, your eyes fell through the concrete walls, and you began to scan the hallways of the building. There were dead bodies littering the floor.

“Copy, if anyone’s in the building, someone's already been inside.” You said, placing a finger on your earpiece in case it had been deactivated during your fighting.

“That’s me.” Steve said, and sure enough, you saw him run through one of the hallways. You caught a heat signature of a man running towards him around the corner.

“Rogers, northwest corner, about ten paces ahead of you, armed with an AR, wearing protection, injury in left leg already, weak spot.”

You watched the heat signature that was Steve pick up the pace, sliding on the ground and hitting the guard right in the left ankle, causing him to take a tumble right into the glass window, it shattering as he made contact. The guard fell through, landing on the hard concrete below.

“Thanks.” He said, and you watched him disappear down the hallway. You began to scan again, needing to go deeper to see inside of the rooms, as all the hallways had been cleared.

“Heat signatures, 25%.”

Your view became clearer, and you could see into all the rooms. You scanned quickly, passing through most of them, which were conference rooms or break rooms. Your eyes stopped as one of the conference room doors burst open, three heat signatures falling through it.

“Rumlow's on the third floor”. You said, your voice slightly louder than before, as the sound of a loud explosion came from somewhere down below. “He’s not alone.”

Soon enough, you saw the three heat signatures heading to the lower floors of the building, unaware that Captain America was waiting for them. You pulled yourself out from the building as a body flew very close to your head and over the edge of the walkway. You turned your head, looking wide eyed at Sam, surrounded by more bodies than he had been that last time you had looked.

“See.” You said simply. “You get credit for those. I had nothing to do with those.”

He laughed, and you grinned, before turning your head at the sound of more breaking glass. A large explosion came through one of the windows, and a body flew out from the fire. You grimaced as the figure, who you know realized was Steve, hit the overhang below, before spiralling off onto one more roof, eventually hitting the ground.

“Rumlow has a biological weapon”. Steve panted into your comm, and you jogged to the overhang to look down to where he had fallen. He lay on his back behind a van, catching his breath, his shield laying a few feet away.

“I'm on it”. You called, nodding at Sam to signal he was on his own, before you flipped yourself over the banister of the walkway, landing on the van below. You scanned the battlefield for Rumlow, spotting him fighting Natasha on top of one of the other vans.

“Jesus christ.” You murmured, before yet again taking the shape of one of the armed guards. You broke into a run towards where the villain and your team member fought. “Natasha, see the armed guard coming up on your left?”

“Yeah. Want me to take him out?”

“No thanks, I would prefer not to get murdered in this body. This armor is really hard to run in, and so damn hot, and probably wouldn't fit in a coffin.”

You reached a reasonable distance to where the fought, pulling out your gun and firing skillfully enough to hit Rumlow, but to miss Natasha. The bullet flew past her arm and lodged itself in his shoulder. He let out a mangled groan, and Natasha took the opportunity to kick him down. He landed by your feet, and you let the clunky armour disappear so wouldn't affect your fighting skills as he began to stand up.

You delivered a swift kick to his injured shoulder, and he fell back. You went to kick his ribs, but he was faster, grabbing your leg and twisting you over, your body colliding with the dirt. He stood suddenly, coming to stand over top of you. His fist came down towards your face, but you rolled out from between his legs, his hand hitting the ground instead.

You came out from under him, jumping on his back, pushing off to land on top of the van. He jumped up as well, and immediately began swinging. You dodged most of the hits, but eventually, his armoured hand launched a swift punch to your stomach, causing you to lose your breath.

You stumbled backwards, and he took the opportunity to lunge towards you. You jumped back up, but he struck you in the chest again, using his arm to flip you over. You landed on the metal roof of the car with a loud bang, the momentum sending you flying into the opening of the truck.

You fell yet again, landing on your back in the van. You looked up to where Rumlow was standing above, lighting a grenade.

“Fire in the hole”.

He let it fall from his fingers, landing uncomfortably close to you. You sat up, realizing suddenly that you weren't alone. Two guards sat on the bench in front of you, beginning to stand up at the realization they had a job to do. You stood up quickly, beginning to advance towards them.

“Hey Rogers, where can I get some of that fireproof suit material?” You asked into the comm, delivering a swift kick to the first guard, sending him flying into the second one. “Cause if I get myself into more situations like this, I’m gonna need it.” They lay on top of eachother in a mess of limbs, and you raced towards the grenade, throwing it towards them as you raced towards the door.

You didn't hear if Steve responded, the sound of the explosion deafening. The force sent you flying through the doors of the van, shoulder rolling onto the grass below. You could already tell you were going to be in a shit ton of pain the next day. You rolled over onto your back, letting out a throaty cough. “Sam. He's in an AFV heading north. Take this to the airstrip. We're not gonna outrun them”. You said, gasping for breath, before pushing yourself off the ground. You scanned the ground for a way to make it to the truck quicker than on foot, your eyes landing on one of the guards motorcycles.

You saw Sam fly overhead as you kicked the brake on the bike, the engine revving. The backfire shot the bike back slightly, before it broke off into a fast descent through the battlefield after the truck.

You raced through the crowded streets, yelling for people to get out of the way. You could hear another engine revving behind you, and you turned your head to see Natasha a few metres behind you on a bike of her own. You turned back to the road, swerving around a corner to avoid the narrower streets.

You almost crashed at Steve came from out of nowhere, landing on the road about twenty feet ahead of you. You cursed under your breath, before rerouting the bike on the regular path. “Rogers, how about next time you let me know where you are so I don't almost run you over?”

You saw a blur of red, white and blue shoot past you. “It’s more fun this way!”

As you came to an intersection, you heard a loud crash, and looking down the street, you saw that the van had crashed into one of the narrow streets, smoke billowing from its engine. You widely turned the bike, making almost a 360 degree turn as you changed directions, Natasha following close on your heels.

As the bike came closer to the van, you stood up, balancing on the seat, and right before it crashed into one of the merchants stands, you jumped, somersaulting onto the top of the van. You stood up, watching as Natasha took a different route, instead opting to stay on the bike to clear pedestrians from the line of fire.

“I've got four, they're splitting up”. Sam said over the comms. You scanned the ground below the van, your eyes landing on the four armed men he was talking about.

You saw Natasha running through the crowd, merely feet behind one of the men, her bike lying on the ground. “I got the two on the left”.

“I got right.” You said, jumping down off the top of the van.

“They ditched their gear”. Steve said. “It's a shell game now. One of them has the payload”.

You maneuvered through the crowd, understanding the sudden panic as soon as you came to a clearing where most of the crowd stood. Steve flew through the air, hitting a newspaper stand, falling right through it. Through the crowd, you saw Rumlow advancing towards him.

“Steve, you need backup?” You asked, climbing on one of the vendors stands and swinging yourself onto its metal roof. You saw movement from inside the stand where Steve had fallen, the glistening shield appearing through the dust.

“I’m good. Go get the others.”

You nodded, beginning to run across the roofs of the stands. You scanned the crowd again, having lost your guys as you stopped. You soon saw them, easily distinguishable, as they wore all black and were two or three feet taller than everyone else around. They came into a clearing, and you sped up, taking one final deep breath before jumping, landing square on one of the guys backs. The two of you tumbled down into the dust.

“He doesn't have it.” Sam said as you swung around the body of the first man, knocking the second one back down with your feet. “I'm empty!”

You swung yourself up, practically sitting on the guards shoulders, before swinging yourself over, bringing him down to the ground with you. He fell on the dirt, and you flipped over him, knocking the gun out of the other guards hand, before delivering a few hard hits to his face. The gun went flying into the dust, and you went to grab it, but a hand grabbed your ankle, pulling you back to the ground. You shoulder rolled down, pushing yourself back up and flipping over the first guard, sliding along the ground. You grabbed the gun, pushing yourself up and cocking it, pointing it towards one of the men, who at the same time, cocked and pointed his gun at you. “Drop it”. Yelled the other guard, who held a small vial of yellow and red liquid in his hand. Your eyes left the man holding the gun to you to look at him. “Or I'll drop this”.

You held the gun firm to the other guard, eyes locked on the one holding the weapon.

“Drop it!” He yelled.

“He'll do it!” The one with the gun yelled.

Suddenly, something flew up from behind the man holding the vial, shooting him in the neck. He fell, the vial falling towards the ground. In a matter of seconds, you pulled the trigger, shooting the man in front of you, and slid down to the ground, grabbing the vial right before it smashed to pieces on the ground.

You stood up, vial in hand, and dusted the sand off your pants. You turned to the thing that had shot the first bullet, the small, silver and red robot. “Payload secure. Thanks, Sam”.

“Don't thank me”.

You scoffed, watching as the little robot continued to hover in front of you. “I'm not thanking that thing”.

"His name is Redwing”.

“I'm still not thanking it”. You said, slipping the vial into the safety protection case, and then into your pocket. You jumped back onto one of the merchant stands, yet again swinging yourself onto its roof so you could have the high ground. A few stands away, you saw Natasha do the same.

“He's cute”. Sam said, and you located him, standing on top of a building. Sure enough, you saw the little red robot fly past you, back towards him. “Go ahead, pet him”.

You scoffed, motioning for Natasha and breaking into a run across the roofs of the stands, back towards where Rumlow and Steve had been fighting. Sure enough, they were still going at yet, more damage being done to the buildings around them.

“This is for dropping a building on my face”. You heard Rumlow growl, taking another swing at Steve.

Steve finally landed a good, strong hit, Rumlow flying off of him and onto the ground. The man panted, pulling off his mask as Steve approached.

“ I think I look pretty good, all things considered”. Rumlow added, looking up into the light at the man that stood over him. This was the first time you had seen his face, the skin all distorted, loose in some parts and burned tight in other.

“Who's your buyer?” Steve asked.

Rumlow took another shaky breath. “You know, he knew you”. He looked back up at Steve. “Your pal, your buddy, your Bucky”.

You saw Steve’s jaw clench. “What did you say?”

“He remembered you”. The man on the ground said. He broke into a short fit of laughter, that ended with a rough cough. “ I was there. He got all weepy about it. Till they put his brain back in a blender. He wanted you to know something. He said to me… "Please tell Rogers. "When you gotta go… "you gotta go."

You saw Rumlow fiddling with something on his side, but before you could say anything or intervene, he continued. “And you're coming with me”.

He pulled out whatever he was fiddling with, what you presumed to be a bomb or a gun, but but before he could do anything, the man screamed, bursting into a wild ball of flames. Your eyes widened, watching the red energy surround him.

Steve stumbled back as Rumlow was lifted into the air, and sure enough, you saw Wanda coming out of the crowd, her face scrunched up in concentration. He was lifted higher into the air, before he flew up at a dangerous speed, Wanda pushing his body into the concrete side of the nearest apartment building.

It was clear she had lost control when his body flew through one side right to the other, windows breaking and concrete falling, leaving a large, burning hole in the side of the building.

Your eyes widened at the damages, the crowd of people around you bursting into chaos and screams.

“Oh, my…” You said, your hand coming to cover your mouth in shock. You scanned the crowd, locating Wanda, who stood frozen, the pain on her face extremely evident. Sam flew down overhead of you, landing right below you. You jumped down from the metal roof of the stand to land beside him, the two of you joined by Natasha moments later. You all stood behind Steve, who stared up at the burning building.

“We need Fire and Rescue on the south side of the building”. He said firmly, without turning around to face the three of you. “We gotta get up there”.

You could tell the Avengers weren’t going to get away with this one.

- - -

Final A/N: This is the first thing I’ve posted in so long! I hope you enjoy it! I expanding my writing to Marvel content a really long time ago, and this was one of the first things I wrote. I hope you enjoy!

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN PT. 2 please leave a comment or an ask letting me know, so I know people are into it and that I should post it!

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